Stavvy's World - #161 - Kumail Nanjiani

Episode Date: December 29, 2025

Kumail Nanjiani joins the pod to discuss his new special NIGHT THOUGHTS (out now on Hulu), returning to standup for the first time in ten years, being a jacked guy but not having the vibe of a jacked guy, how he feels being the only star who did just one Marvel movie, and much more. Kumail and Stav help callers including a guy who’s been iced out of his high school friend group for years after sleeping with his best friend’s sister, and a guy who is feeling a little smothered by his overbearing Mexican father-in-law. Watch Kumail Nanjiani’s new special NIGHT THOUGHTS on Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/movie/kumail-nanjiani-night-thoughts Follow Kumail Nanjiani:https://www.instagram.com/kumailnhttps://x.com/kumailnhttps://www.tiktok.com/@kumailn Thank you to our sponsors!Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Upah! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 904-800 stop. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We got on the couch. Kumail Nanjiani, we're pumped to have you here, dude. Thanks for coming. Night thoughts on Hulu. You like the professional intro? That was a really, until you said that, I was so impressed.

I was like, honestly, first thought was, you know, it was the phone number by heart. It took a while. It's been doing the show two and a half. This guy's going places. And by the way, the last four digits are stav. I know. I know. Hey, that's professional, too.

That's not a coincidence. That's why people were like, oh, are you from Jacksonville? It's like, no, we put in stav on Google Voice and whatever number came back we took. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great. Love it, though. But yeah, got the new special out.

Nice to have you here, dude. We're big fans. I mean, I, when we met at, we like saw Naked. Naked gun. Naked gun. Which was awesome. It's so funny. Really good.

So good. Really good. I told you, like, I weirdly was keyed in on, because I was really in to stand up when you were like kind of taking off before the acting stuff at all. Yeah. We're talking just, you were like, I was like a really investigating, hey, what alt comics are on the rise. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, I have these very vivid memories of being, I worked at the grad school at University of Maryland, Baltimore County. I was my jobs, my senior year.

How is that school? It's actually pretty good. It's not a bad school, not a fun school. It's one of those like, you know, you'll get an education, but, you know. But it kind of sucks, dick. Like, the parties were all like, I remember being like, heat up. I'm so pumped. I'm like, I'm a college, baby.

I'm going to my first college party. In a dorm, fully 19 men, two girls. Bad ratio. Uncomfortable. The girls are like, we got to get out of here. And it's just, there's just enough room for someone brought in a folding table in a little dorm. And it's just literally a beer pong and just like people circling around it like it's the Coliseum. Yeah.

There's no way to talk. Everyone's trying to shuffle to get close to the girls. You know, obviously none of us got to fuck them. They all, they were long gone. Somebody got to fuck them. You're right. You know what? One of my roommates did at a certain point end up fucking them.

So I did spend, I did, I got to know her through, as like a girl getting fucked while I'm pretending to sleep. That was always the worst. I've been there. When it was like sex was like a distant, like there's no way this will ever happen for me. I didn't lose my-100%. You know, I was like fairly like into my college career before I lost my virginity. Me too, me too. You were?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, we were not pussy getters in high school, me and this guy. We grew up together, and we really, really pathetically tried to have sex our whole adolescence, and it did not work out for us. Yeah, I mean, I remember, you know, 16, 17, 18 being like, I will just never have sex. Oh. It's just not going to happen for me. That was exactly right.

Because I don't deserve it. My dick's too small. I have a pathetic little dick. I'm ugly. I got a terrible personality. I feel like people were terrible dicks are fucking, but I'm like, I got nothing to offer. woman, why would she, I don't deserve it, they're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's

interesting because I think I had a some kind of sexual, like, I thought I was inadequate because I couldn't, because I did, I could get girls to like me because I was always had like the, I was always like fun. But it was, the moment someone had showed that it was possible, I

clammed up. I was a coward. You choked. Dude, I blew so many opportunities. Yeah, you were missing free throws at the last minute. Yeah, I'm at the line. It's shaking. You already know. Yeah, like, the Crowd noise. Right, right, yeah. Like, Chris Weber, yeah.

Yeah, so I'm calling a timeout that doesn't exist. Absolutely. I had so many opportunities, like, starting young. Like, the first time I, like, saw, I touched titties. I was, like, 15, 14. Oh, my God. Did she, did she know? Yeah, she was unconscious.

I was volunteering in an old folks home. I was getting, I was getting my, I was trying to pump up my college resume. Still coats I would dress What I would do is I would dress up in a World War II outfit I would say Dolly I'm home We got those crouts

You've been waiting for this day for 40 years And you know people say I didn't get consent I made those old ladies day For I come back with flowers Yeah that's the best day she's had in decades since she got the letter this is the best day she's at it was

yeah it was like the Greek festival at my church that was the one night a year you would get drunk as a child at our church that's the thing is it is a Greek church like a drinky place well we would have the big money maker

for every Greek church you go to like if you ever been to any bum fuck town they're having a Greek festival it's because the Orthodox church in that town That's interesting because where Emily's from North Carolina There's a Greek festival that she talks about And that, and it's like the money, that makes the church's money for the year Because everybody comes...

That's what it is. That's really all it is. It's like the biggest fundraiser. I was like, why do they have a Greek festival? Yeah, and so... It's a scam. Exactly. And they loved getting...

And Greeks, you know, they'll fucking... They'll let children drink, whatever. And it was like, New Year's in the Greek Festival was like June and, you know, December. It was like, you're two nights to get fucked up as a child. And just, like, try and, you know, make out. And literally the first time I touched Titties was at my church, drunk as hell off of, like,

and, like, my brother's god sister was, like, working the bar. And so she's like, here's all the beers you want, little buddy. Like, I'm just getting served as a childhood bar. I felt like the man. So then, but anyway. Talk me through this moment. You know, it was just a girl who, let's you say, great gal, fun gal. Right?

She came with someone else. and I just kind of waited for him to blow it. I just kind of was on the periphery. And it was one of those like slowly circling closer. And we, I knew her. I kind of knew her. She was like from my school. And she, this was her like exotic come to, come to East Baltimore.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Check out what the Greeks are up to. Like a white trash girl who was on a like a just a ethnographic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's surveying. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, exactly. And I just think

whoever broader kind of blew it was like there was one, at this Greek festival, there was one more timid pussy than me. And I just had to outdo him. It's like what they say

about running away from a bear. You're not going to be fast. You're just going to be better than the worst guy. I slashes hamstrings. So the no pussy getting bear catches him instead of me. And yeah, you know,

one of the highlights of my life. Did you see her again? Yeah, it was one of those classic. She was like such a seasoned pro at like getting drunk. Getting her Tadish? Yeah, yeah, and getting her touch. That to her, it's like now, you know, like in your 30s, you might get drunk and be like,

oh, I can't believe if I made out with that person. I was kind of wild or whatever. You're like, you know, you're capable of that. She was kind of in that mode at like 15. So I remember being at my telemarketing job the next day, which, by the way, I was also a 15-year-old

telemarketer for American government mortgage. Can I tell you something? Yeah. I could pick that up from your vibe. When I first encountered you,

I was like, somewhere in his teens, this guy was selling shit, bullshit on a phone. I didn't close a single app. I would like to, I didn't help the housing crisis. In fact,

I kind of took some of the money away from it. You were like, the bad guy in the big short? Exactly. Basically. Yeah, yeah. I was just a very incompetent guy at one of those offices. So I was actually good. So you were actually helped.

I was helping because I was getting $10 an hour from one of these horrible shell companies. That's what, you know what? It's so funny to me. Like this is the thing that all those people who got stuck in the Riyadh comedy festival, by the way, funny's new story of the last 10 years. It is really funny. It's so great. And I also, I mean, I obviously, I got offered. I didn't want to do it.

I think we shouldn't support, you know, regime. Like, it's a monarchy that has so many human rights. violations and it's like I wouldn't have done it but whatever but I also it is funny because Kamala wins no one gives a fuck about this right everyone is cashing their checks right right right you know and so

many of these are the same people like I bet you Gabriel and Glaces is doing a fucking private for like Deloitte he's fucking he's like signing bombs for like you know Northrop Grumman and shit like that like they probably named a bomb Fluffy or something in the past he's probably gotten like two million

dollars to do stand Like all these guys I'm not murderous, I'm fluffy Yeah All these guys are used to cashing huge checks From evil people Yeah, yeah Yeah, now I have to

Now I'm getting in trouble To me it's so funny Because not one person was like Hey, I am taking money away from them What I'm gonna use it for It's gonna be better What they will use it for Why did nobody come up with that?

They tried but it was too late Yeah They tried after they got caught And then I think they were like Human Rights groups We don't want blood money To me that's the funniest If it's when people try to donate it, they were like, we don't want it.

There's nothing that you can do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a tough one. But anyway, yes. So how did it end real quickly, put a button on, and then we'll actually talk to our guest who... Oh, I'm so interested in this. I just remember being like, like going into my job being like,

well, it looks like I have a girlfriend now. And then, like, it was the Myspace days and being like, oh, let's see if have I made it. top eight yet, like truly because I had no, I had no I had no, I had no, and never gotten any romantic attention from a girl. So I just figured like, one, she kisses you.

It's so important. She's your girlfriend. Yeah, it changes how you see yourself. And then it was like, not only that, but like, it becomes clear by cruising her MySpace, she has a boyfriend. Yeah. And then she's messaging me like, L.O.L. I don't even remember what happened last this weekend. Oh, she's trying to backtrack.

And now I'm like, ha, me neither. I'm fucking I'm crying. I'm crying in my cubicle. You've been replaying it exactly as it happened in your head all week. In my head, it's the start of our wedding video. Yeah. I could animate the whole thing. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

My first kiss, I remember. This was in college, you know, I was late bloomer for sure. Nothing going on in Pakistan. No. Yeah. No. Not for me. Sure, sure.

I'm sure people somewhere were doing stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's such a different environment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Different priorities. Blame the culture. People trying to get laid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was focusing on math. Yeah, yeah. This really cute girl in college was like into me. And the first time we kissed, I was so bad that it completely immediately, that was it. That ruined it. It was so bad. Because I was like, well, the goal must be to get as much of my tongue into her face as possible, right? Yeah.

I think part of me was like, you know, when you're like hungry for a long time. Oh, yeah. It's that. Yeah, yeah. I was like, I was like, Tom Hanks from Castaway back on land. Like, what you got? Yeah. At the buffet, just shut with both hands.

Yeah. That's a tough one. That's interesting. What was the, like, what was the culture like, like hookup wise in Pakistan? Because, like, I remember going to Greece and being shocked at how much, like, kids were fucking. Really? Yeah. Well, at least in my experience from what I saw, it was very, it was not.

Like, I went from, first of all, my school until, so we had 13 grades, we had a year extra. Oh, wow, okay. Until the 11th grade of the school, I was in. That extra year is just, like, telling you to hate how much you should hate India. They do an extra. No, we start that. Yeah, that's pre-K. That's pre-K.

What are you talking about? I love countries that are still engaged in, like, medieval levels of, like, we must hate our border neighbor. Like, it's like. Well, I mean, it's, they're right there, dude. Yeah, yeah, it's tough. I mean, because we. We have a very funny... And they look just like us.

I know. The secret agent thing must be easy. There's very little disguise. No, no, no. There's no prep required. Same language, same food. Same pop culture. Just waltz in there.

Nobody's going to stop you. A little religious difference, but that's pretty much it. But like, I remember, because, like, we joke all the time because Elders of Albanian and I'm Greek. And it's like, there is funny. There are still, like, people who think were engaged in this, like, blood. flood and there's hilariously occasionally like a skirmish at the border where like two guards will be

like fuck I'll be like fuck Greece and they'll shoot at each other but it's not the whole country is constantly keyed up it's really changed more recently it's not cool it's gone bad it's gone the other way

maybe I'm wrong that's great no no no no no well I'll you know since we were kids obviously first of all we weren't our history books like our history was like these are the people who dislike

these people are like I remember what there was like a trick question and a thing about some like Islamic war that was like how many people from the other side were martyred

and the answer is zero they went to hell martyrs did something good yeah yeah I'll tell you how many died righteously their lives were snuffed that's so funny to be doing like

trick questions. It was a trick question. I remember and the guy was so proud. It was like one of those tests for some reason the teacher was just going to like walk through and ask each kid a question

loud to everybody. And I remember how smugged the teacher looked. I remember how smugged the kid looked when they got it right. And everyone else was like there were murmurs of like pretty good question. Pretty good question.

Yeah. Like in a courtroom when a new evidence is introduced. You know it was that vibe. Of course. It was very exciting. I feel like it's changed because for me growing up, I personally did not feel any hatred towards India or Indian people.

I grew up watching Bollywood movies. Culturally were the same. Like I truly understood that. And we all liked each other, you know? And but now when I'm mostly off social media, when I'm on, the hate I get is most from like the people you would think in America. And then Indian people. That's the biggest demo.

I do think Indians have really up there. online hate like they've gotten good at it man they're fucking awesome at it like so being a Pakistani guy in the middle of like some culture wars you're kind of like getting it from both sides yeah totally you know what I mean it's kind of like to me like

I'm married to a white woman yeah that's something both sides hate yeah everyone's everyone hates that nobody likes that like how did the fuck did that happen I get why the right hates it but the left also hates it I'm a white supremac because I fell in love with a white woman

it's fucking crazy I mean truly genuinely yeah it is something it's really funny too because it's like you can almost chart it with your career because it's like

the movie you literally like what was like a decade ago 2017 almost not even not even 10 years ago the like you get an Oscar nomination

for a heartwarming story about what's nice about that about like breaking down like coming together culturally it's like literally eight years later people are like, this is fucked up. Yeah, this is white supremacy, propaganda.

This is both white supremacy and disgusting race mixing. At the same time, it's like, it's gotten fucking crazy. I know. I remember, you know, you do test screenings, right? And I was so involved. I read like every single response. And there were a few that were like, I just, I just don't think this kind of thing is good. And I'm like, and you stayed for the whole movie.

You thought at the end maybe. I love everybody loves Raymond. What do you? I thought, you know. I was here for Romano. That's right. Great cast. For real.

Great cast. Yeah, you guys crushed it. But, yeah, that is very fucking funny that people were like, yeah. Because that was in the height of like things were. I mean, it was the tail, but it was like pretty woke around. Yeah. I mean, 2016 is the election. Right.

And we make the movie in 2016 going into the election. Then 2017, we debuted at Sundance the day of the inauguration. It was the same exact day. That's so funny. Conditions were real nice for us. That's really, well, you know, I bet you there was kind of like a, because that was like in the height of the liberal back swing of like we have to support everything that Donald Trump would hate.

So I'm sure there were some like resistant libs that were like, we think this is good. You know what I mean? We love this. They're not even paying attention. They're like, yep, I'm a good person. Oh, yeah, no, we totally, I totally was like, oh, we're now important. Yeah, which is tough, which is tough to be important because you just want to make a person.

You just wanted to make a funny movie. Yeah, a personal funny movie. Exactly. Which it is, and I can't believe it was, I felt like it was longer. I think probably because I was just aware of you, like what I was trying to say, because when I was wearing that grad school where, you know, I guess I had gotten pussy by then,

but it was close, my senior year of college. I remember, because I was aware of both you and Emily. I also, like I listened to your video game podcast. The indoor kids. The indoor kids, which I was, because I was just trying to find comedians. I remember listening to a different podcast that played a clip of your, the cheese bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, this is good stuff.

Yeah, yeah. And it was, yeah, it was just like, you were a fascinating guy because it was like all the trappings of just like good alt-comit, like good joke writing, like whatever, nerdy shit. Yeah. And then it was also like, you would talk about the bizarre story of how you and Emily. Because, like, that is true. The big sick is like, it's insane that you guys were casually dating. And then she has like a life-threatening illness to the point where you have to like meet her family. Yeah.

Which that was crazy to me. And then it was interesting to me to like know about a guy who was, because you're an immigrant. Like I'm an immigrant too, but you're like, you came here for fucking college. You were 18. You know what I mean? It's like you're an immigrant-ass immigrant. Yeah. I'm an immigrant-ass-immigrant.

Yeah. It's totally true. But you went right into that, like, American Apparel hoodie, alt comedy zone. Yeah. A guy being foreign as fuck. And I just, I just appreciate it. I was like, this is a weird, interesting guy. Well, it just sort of happened like that.

I didn't choose to be alt versus club. It's just the people I like, the people I thought were really funny. We're just sort of in that world. And in Chicago, I started comedy in Chicago. We didn't really have, like, alt versus club scene. We just didn't really have a club scene because there was one. club in the city and they didn't book us. Zanis, baby. Zanis.

Used to be a strip club. You can feel it. Happens a lot. You go to a lot of comedy clubs. You know, this used to be a strip club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of polls. Yeah. There are a lot of bad seats because you're stuck behind a pole.

They went from really good seats to really bad seats. That was the seat you wanted and now, oh, fuck, I can't see. I can't see Jimmy Pardo's face. I only say that because I saw Jimmy Pardo at Zanis. have one of the best sets I've ever seen in my fucking life one. When I first started

doing comedy, you know, I was sort of, I would get, Zanis would let me do guest sets. So, um,

and I would just go and just watch sometimes they let me in and I remember seeing Jimmy Pardo there riff 45 minutes set and I was like, I don't think anybody's ever done better than that guy is doing right now. Him and Paul left Tompkins I saw do like fully riffed sets that I was like, nobody's ever like those have to be like the top 20 sets. in the world of all time.

But there's also something, because I know that feeling of being a comedian who's in the guest spot zone that they'll let you... It's also the thing of, like, you're so in love with the art form that you're like, there's something so magical

about seeing that and being like, whoa, this is possible. And it's like, maybe I can do that someday. It's like the way you think, like, when you first date someone, you're like, this is the most perfect person I've ever met in my life. And then, like, now you probably would see these same sets.

And you're like, do some fucking material. Yeah. You know what you're like, write a joke, Pardo. But like at the time, you're like, oh my God. It is magic. I remember, yeah, you know, you see like some like road dog in his 50s who's hammered and hitting on all the waitresses. And you're like, someday.

Yeah, yeah, dude. This is a perfect life. That was all, that was my only aim in life was to make 75 grand touring B clubs. Like if I could do one-nighters in the Midwest. I'm not kidding, dude. That was like my vision board was like, like just doing that So in Chicago

All we had was the old scenes And when I moved to And the reason I fell under the old scene As I remember Zach Aliphonakis Who was like you know This is before hangover He was I mean he's still the funniest guy

He came into town To do a show with Will Oldham He's an incredible musician Bonnie Prince Billy He performs under And he was like a big like comedy fan And this local like I think it was drag city records

They're not local They're a big record label We was doing a show And I was like I gotta get on that shows I opened for Zach that show And then Zach had me on tour with him So I toured with Zach Oh hell yeah

That's awesome This was right around The events of the Big Six So I had to cancel some shows Because I have to be like Hey my girlfriend's currently in a coma So just this weekend Find someone else

But I'm gonna make it I'll be there next weekend I remember when I finally was able To like hit the road with Zach again And he's like, I saw him and he's like, how's Emily? I'm like, she's good. And he's like, and what she had, is it contagious? And so, and then when I moved to New York, the people that like, I remember I went,

there was a show called Invite Them Up at Rafi, that Eugene Murman and Bobby Tistale used to run. That was like the center of the comedy scene here, this tiny bar. You could go and see, like, people I'd seen it on TV, one after the other. I saw, like, Gaffig in there. You know, Aziz, all these people who were, like, already, like, well-known. And Zach just happened to be there, that. And he introduced me to the Booker. And I got booked on that show, like, a month after moving to New York.

So I was really, really lucky. And then that's how I just got into the old scene. So I never really did clubs until... But it makes sense, though. Yeah. I mean, your sensibilities are... That's what was interesting to me. It was, like, kind of one of those you know it, but I'm also pretty young, right?

I'm talking, I was, like, 18. And it was, like, a real, like, oh, people are the same everywhere. Yeah, people are... just some fucking dork from Pakistan who's like, you know, you're in your home, you're talking about like, and this is pre, this is before being jacked, you really were a dork from Pakistan. You were like, I'm still a dork from Pakistan.

You still are, but you know, you look, you, it is the funny thing because I'm watching this special. I'm like, I think this is the most jacked guy who's doing three straight minutes of puns. I don't think I've ever seen a guy with triceps like that that's doing cat pun wordplay for this long, which is, you are blazing, New ground.

It doesn't sound like a compliment. No, it was. Yeah, the special is fucking awesome, by the way. Go watch. It's on Hulu. Yeah, thank you. I believe it's out. Yeah, we're not very professional here.

It's out December 19. Or it's, yeah, it's either about to be out or it's out right now. Right here. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I did love the, yeah, it was, it did strike me because it was like, and I didn't realize you didn't do, you just didn't do stand-up for 10 years. You talked about that in the special. Yeah, right around the big thing.

Which is crazy. I just assumed, you know, you weren't hitting it like you used to, but it's like, it's crazy to me to think about not doing it for a decade. Yeah. Well, I didn't. I just felt creatively satisfied doing other stuff. And, you know, when we were shoot Silicon Valley, TJ had that night, would be like, what's the say doing tonight?

I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm going to go to bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just didn't have that kind of energy. And I didn't feel the need to do it. I was feeling like creatively satisfied doing what I was getting to do. And it was like a whole new world You know like acting and stuff

It was so different from stand-up And you know Going back to it I went back in the actor-writer strike Because I was like I got to do something That's why I started up again Fuck you pussy's

You guys are broke I'm gonna go fucking do a couple one-nighters Yeah yeah yeah Make hundreds of dollars Watch me You're talking to a guy I just told you Who just did the Greensboro Comedy Zone

So I know all about it baby Is that a good comedy town Greensboro Oh yeah The Meck they call it the Mecca of western North Carolina. You know what's cool, though? It literally is maybe the bottom four city in... I'm sorry, eastern North Carolina.

Yeah, yeah. It is fun, though. Like, when I go to, like, these small towns and I'll just pop into... People are... It's awesome. It's popular. No, no, I...

And the local comics are funny. They are. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's actually the reason I did. I was like, I felt like I was getting too far away from the essence of stand-up. Because, like, these theater...

Like, I love doing theaters, but it's like, it's that grimy shit it's being in a place that clearly was a strip club yes you're next to you're the parking lot is like a business that's like you just do vinyl flooring you have you have a huge warehouse

in North Carolina and all you sell is vinyl flooring it's like no way that like how is that yeah it's all you know and you're and you're sharing that this is where I'm coming to do entertain people yeah yeah you know across the street from marshals or whatever yeah of course like a strip mall or like inside a mall,

the comedy club inside a mall. Those are brutal, but I've gotten real affection for the levity lives of the world. You're like, you know what, let me go hit the Ferris wheel that's also in this mall.

Anytime a mall is like an ice rink, they have a comedy club in there too. Yeah. Let's go check out yard house. Let's go have a nice yard house meal. Yeah, it's like, you know, with the high tops, like everything's high tops,

like long high tops, where you're sitting next to people you don't know. 100%. That vibe. Absolutely. Everything was a little too shiny. But because I, for me, it was always, even though I was doing the alt rooms, I was like, I want to do good in every kind of room.

Because I would see comedians in all rooms that I was like, you're very funny. You're only doing well in this room, though. Totally. So for me, it was always like, that's why for me, it was always about, like, writing, like, how short can I get my setups? How many punchlines can I get in a row? How many tags can I get? It was always for me, like, the structure of a joke.

having like laugh density in there like the math of that was always very very important to me yeah I also love the end of the special you made it very clear that for like you're like I'm not an actor doing this I've been because it's true you usually have to like rape your way out of

show business and then you start doing comedy that happens all the time where you're like this guy's doing comedy why and then you're like let me do a quick Google ah X allegations Vulture did a deep dive and found some shit. It's always like, I don't know this guy did stand-up,

but then you're like, oh, yeah, yeah. Why is this guy actually kind of good at stand-up? Oh, I see. Right, right, right, right, right. And so it's like, it is very funny because you do have to make it clear because there's no dignified way from going to, like, movie star, to stand-up.

You have to have already been grandfathered in this stand-up. Because if it's like... If you see fucking Austin Butler do a stand-up of something catastrophic happened to him. Back when, you know, all those stories were happening, which obviously great, great that all that happened. There were some websites that I only know, like, oh, you had that one story.

And then you went under, like, but it sustained you for a year. Yes, the economy of a Me Too think piece. That was really happening. That was happening a lot. That drove traffic. But it's true. It was like, guys who have no business doing stand-up are just all of a sudden. like, you know, at these, but it's also funny because you're like, he's not really moving

that many tickets. He was on a huge show. Well, that's the tricky thing. It's, it's, you kind of, like, the audiences are a little different, like stand-up audiences are kind of different from movie audiences. For sure, for sure. And so you kind of, so when I was, like, touring again, I was like, okay, how do I reintroduce myself as a stand-up?

How do I tell people like, oh, hey, I actually know how to do this and get those people to buy tickets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is super interesting. But it was true, because I remember, it was a surreal, I mean, I'm sure it was much more surreal for you, but it's like, I really felt like I was on the ground floor of, like, finding you as a comic, and then you, you,

blowing up was like, holy fuck, this is awesome. Like, it was one of my first, like, damn, that's one of my guys who's like, now fucking big, like, the big sick was cool because it was like, oh, well, that was his personal story, and then you just kept to do it, and Silicon Valley was awesome. Yeah. And it was very, it was like,

I am fascinated by that where it's like, did it feel fucking insane to just... Because 10 years, no stand-up, was it like non-stop? Did you just feel like in the middle of like a little tornado? Because I'm on a much smaller scale of that shit and I'm like, this is insane.

I feel insane every day. I... Where like every day is like something bizarre in you. Yeah. And I can't imagine like... Because you got to the fucking, you know, shit just kept going crazy. I was very aware at the time.

I was like, oh, a thing is happening right now. I've access to opportunities that I've not had access to and I may not have access to these opportunities for a long time. Especially happens with comedy people where they get like a two years, I could name them. Totally. There's a little window and then it goes away. And you don't really get to control very much

how long that window stays open because you get opportunities. You make the best decisions you can giving the things. You know, like someone like your ghost asks you, that's... Oh. Amazing. It's out of your control, though. That totally was where I was like, I told everybody was like, I'm done.

I'm going to fucking kill myself. I keep working. I need a year off. And I made a list of people that was hilarious. It was like, you know, he was on it. I'm like, I guess if Martin Scorsese or Paltonamanza. I was like, I guess that. And Yorgo is one of those people. And then they call me, I was like, shut.

I literally, yeah. It's lucky that you got, not lucky, you deserve it. It's all great. But I could also imagine getting a call from some. who's not on the list and you're like, they could have been on the list. Yeah. You know what?

I totally forgot to put that guy on the list. I should probably go do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, fucking the guy you did Rush Hour 2 scrolling. Fucking, what the fuck is his name? That was a banger. Rush hour 2 was a banger.

Who was it? Brett Ratner. I'm like, Brett Ratner. I got to take Ratner. Speaking of a fucking raped your way out of show business. But I was like, I got to take his call. He's on the come up. He's guys going to be a part of the comeback.

Oh, teams producing something from jail? I think I can play a fat idiot in that. Oh, yeah, I'll be a fat guy that Mel Gibson kills in one of his Republican revenge movies, which are awesome. Shout out to fucking sell. Republican revenge movies.

Dragged across concrete. Vince Vaughn's got bangers, dude. The anger and cell block 99. The anger that animates them, I think, is what... They're so good, dude. Those movies are fucking awesome. It's like, yeah, Yes, this is actually a great, like, vehicle for this anger.

And there's, like, a whole, like, there's, like, a history to that. Like, Death Wish and all those, you know, where they're just, like, killing gang members for very extrajudicial ways. I love it, too, because they make, they go through pains to be like, he's not racist, though. Like, they have, like, he's a skinnet who has, like, black friends. Yeah, he's nice to the coffee guy who's black. We got, it's like the save the cat, but it's tip the black. They do a little tip to black in the beginning And then you can just go kill a bunch of black people

And it's fine Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah That's why I was so, yeah, it was anyway, great, great stuff But yeah, I don't know, do you? So I was very aware, you know, it was, It felt I understood that it was crazy But part of you, and I'm sure you had this Where you have to convince yourself

It's not crazy so you could be like, I should be here, I deserve to be here, that stuff Not in an arrogant way, but just in a way so you don't fucking freak out and have panic attacks every moment. Oh, yeah, dude, my first, like, I have to do a scene with Jesse Plymonds. He's so good. How fucking insane that is? I talked about it before, but I was like, there was just takes where it took me like seven seconds to start my lines.

I'm like, damn, this guy's fucking good. When I saw that movie, what's the movie about, like, the Civil War with him and Kirsten Dance? Civil War. Civil War. It's not called Civil War. That movie's called Civil War. Yeah. What's the movie?

Not the one with Captain America. No, no, no, no, no. Are we sure it's called Civil War? I just watched it a couple of months ago. What's that name of that big bird that's yellow on Sesame Street? You know, the movie about the ship, the Titanic, it's like sailing, the Titanic. Yeah, what's the movie that's called Forest Gump in it? Civil War.

Yeah, he's out of control. I'm running to him here and there. He's such a nice guy. Kirsten Dunst is so nice. I'm not friends with them, but I run into them. But in that, he's like, he's got that scene where he's so scary. And at some party, I want to go up to him and be like,

because he's so calm and normal and he's fucking terrifying. I want to be like, how did you do that? What was that? Because you're not screaming. You're not doing anything. No, no. It's fucking terrifying. It's a quiet menace.

Yeah. Because you know he's, it's just like he's projecting how sure of himself he is in a way that's like, truly terrified. And that's a hard thing to do. It's hard. To the subtext of a guy being like, everything I say, you have to take seriously.

Right. There is no bluffing. In fact, I'm way scary. Yeah, it's like Christoph Waltz in the beginning of glorious bastards. Where we didn't know is working. And it's suddenly like, he's speaking very politely.

Yeah, but I've never been more scared. Yeah, what's going on? And that was awesome, too, because it's like, we had no idea who that guy was. Yeah. Some fucking German guy. I was like, what? What the fuck is this?

I was, yeah, I was like, I thought Brad Pitt is going to, like, where's Brad Pitt? Why are these two foreigners starting this movie? Why is this one-act play? Did you trick me? And then very quickly the gun started, thank God. Have you seen there's a weird backlash now to Inglorious Bastards? Like, they call it, like, Jew propaganda and all this stuff. It's crazy.

I was just looking about it today. That's a big thing where they're like, oh, it's like, I saw it, they called it Talmudic propaganda. I'm like, wow. It's like, come on, man. You looked up a new word for this. Yeah. That is good racism.

It's also like, Lafellas, if I could, I'm not trying to counsel racist, but it's like, leave not, let Nazis go. You know what you're not going to win that one. That's your low, that's your worst point. Yeah, yeah. That is like, you couldn't even like if, although to their credit, they're like, if we get Nazis approved. Right. We can run. I think that's probably what's going on.

I think that what they can get a little, yeah. There's like, they've bifurcated. Like, they're like, all right, 5% of us are going to work on this project. You guys are shooting the moon. Yeah. You guys, you guys are doing the Hail Mary's. It's not going to work. It's not going to work.

But what if they did a shot? It's buying the racist powerball. I would say, it's totally true. That's exactly right. 5% of you are gutting for it, you know? Like, if you, it's not going to work. But if it does. The other 95% got it.

All this vintage SS stuff in our closet We can start wearing it You know, it's good Yeah, it is, it's fucking I mean that there's also what they do Is then everybody else gets to be like Well, we're not that guy Of course, no, no, that's a big problem

And it's like The second, it's crazy We haven't to say this, but it's like I am against any media That speaks highly of Nazis Right, right, right, right I want to be clear on that But it's fucked up that that is something

Where you're like, they really are doing that They're like, we're not however Should they be getting married? Two types of people. The, like, the openly saying, right, like, they're, like, what we were joking about earlier about race mix. They're literally saying shit like that. The word race mixing has never been used in a good context.

No, and it's, it's, they literally unfroze it from fucking 1960. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, the Encino manned that back. They really did. There's a lot of Encino ban racism going on. Look at this. Yeah. You thought this was for, like, video games and horror movies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no. Yeah, that's, I, I haven't seen that person. particular one, but it doesn't surprise me. Well, you know, Emily was, like, big in the punk scene in North Carolina in, like, the 90s, and the punk scene has a big, like, white supremacist contingent. You know about this? I thought of punk's more as, like, they actually would fuck Nazis up. But I guess it was, like, well, those were most of them, but there was, there was, like, and

so she says she's had stories of, like, you know, house parties where Nazis show up, and then they fucking kick them out. Have you seen the movie Green Room? Yes. That stuff is real, like the color code. Laces, that's what I love about racist, too. Is they're like, we gotta be color coordinated? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

There is, it is funny how like, like, prim and proper some racists are. Yeah. Where they're just like kind of posh. You know, there was that thing that was happening. We were talking about, like, 2016 or whatever, where they had the Nazi haircut back. And they were like, I don't even remember their names were like, New York Times did profiles on them where they were like, this Nazis actually really well dressed. Right. Well, they were always very well dressed.

Their uniforms are great. Styling was never the I mean Rayfines looks good in that movie It looks awesome No no the the iconography is really It's a sharp silhouette It is good absolutely And we could keep the silhouettes

And leave the ideology We could do that I mean yeah all the all the insignias Look cool It's like that eagle thing Whatever I mean Don't leave this in But swastika's a good looking symbol

That is good graphic design A swastika It's a good graphic design. I mean, they did, ironically, didn't they take it from, what is it? Yeah, Hinduism might take, where it's like flip and I think it's turned a little bit. That's my favorite thing that someone's was like. It actually means peace. It's a symbol of peace.

It's a symbol of peace when the scariest guy you've ever seen has it in the middle of his forehead. Right. He's trying to be peaceful, you fucking idiots. Yeah, it is fucking hilarious. It is good graphic design. But, you know, hopefully that stops. I'd love for this kind of weird white supremacist thing going on to end. That would be fucking awesome.

But, you know, I'm not betting on it. No. No, I'm not, you know, we'll see. Look, again, go back, just make revenge movies. Yeah. Put it all in that. That's a good lane for you guys. Death Wish is really like, yeah, I mean, some of my favorite movies, you look at, like, cobra I go back to.

It's a complete fascist fantasy. It's incredible. The Stallone movie, Cobra? I had a poster of Cobra in my roof. Cobra fucking. I feel like that movie's a little... Isn't his name in it, like, John Cobradi or something like that? Yeah, yeah, Cobra.

And his big name is Cobra. You know what I love also? Where they made a big deal out of the name of the characters where, like, there were all these comedies in the 80s and 90s where the trailer was like, Stan Lipsitz has a problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Or, no, it'll be like, Stan Lipsitz has the perfect life.

Yeah, yeah. You know, whether they're really like the full first name, last name being a big part of the campaign. I miss that. Commando John Matrix. John Matrix. They have some great names. Casey Ryback is Under Siege is Segal. Is that right?

Yeah, dude, Casey. Under Siege. Absolute banger. Of course. All of the... The other thing I liked about Seagal was like his first three movies were all like Stephen Seagull is marked for death. Stephen Seagull is, I think. above the law, Stephen Segal, and there was one

I'm forgetting. He's under siege. Yeah. Yeah, Under Siege. And then what was the one we watched? Stephen Segal is eating a lot. I think it was marked. Yeah, yeah. He was a chef and, uh, what was the one he was that under siege? That was under siege. He's a chef? He's a chef. He's a chef. Yeah, yeah. I buy that. And that's why, you know, he had to go there because he was too sick. He was too

fucking awesome. He was too dangerous, but the Navy let him stay as a chef. And that's why they were like, well, it's just a chef. Yeah. But little did they know. That was no ordinary chef. That guy's had a solid pivot, I would say, in real life. Absolutely. He's really gone. He is interesting. He is kind of like a medieval figure where it's like he's going from like strong monarch to show.

He's going in the court. Now he's in literally the court of Vladimir Putin. He went from being like a world famous entertainer in America to like that's like an old fashioned thing where it was like a famous entertainer would go to different kings and be like, will you give me a little palace? Oh, is that right? I feel like that's like a classic. He's literally in the court You have the benefactors. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he does propaganda for him, talks about how fucking cool he is. Yeah. You know, I respect him for that. He knows what he's doing. And I'm still, look, we watch a lot of Seagal around here. Do you think you'll ever get, because you've kept, you know, you stay jacked.

Do you think you'll go action movie, you know? Like, I know you've done like, you know, like, I mean, you've played the not jacked guy, Stuber. Yeah, I've played the not jacked guy who's thrust in to jacked but now it's like you know

have you thought about going back is that I would like to I'm actually trying to lose weight and muscle some

because you know the hard thing is I am jacked but I don't have the vibe of a jacked yeah yeah like so

the meanest comment I've ever gotten because it's true someone was like well his voice didn't get abs I was like yeah that is true

I don't have the vibe I have a vibe The vibe of a dork from Pakistan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is cool. And that's another, not to spoil the special, but one of my favorite lines was just like, I'm the first guy in whoever got shit for getting jacked.

I was like, you're so right. No one has ever, I mean, look at my comments. They're like, you know, fat piece of shit, whatever. It's like to get jacked and people getting pissed off is so fucking funny. It's like such a, yeah. I do talk about it. It's so crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're trying not to be jazz. Well, there is, you know, listen, I don't want to get into it. But there is a little bit of, like, stay in your lane. Yeah, absolutely. It thinks it can do this. Of course. It can't. Well, also, I think part of it is, like, no one thinks about South Asian guys is jacked guys.

I think that's part of it here. I mean, if you look at Bollywood, those guys are fucking jack. But here that is. RRR is one of the greatest movies of all time. If you like that, I could give me a list of, like, awesome. I would love to crush some of those. Yeah. Because I grew up watching him

I still watch him Yeah I'm fascinated by that guy He was like the most famous guy on earth Who's like Shar Khan Yeah yeah And you can see it

The aura is unbelievable Like I don't know anything about him You just see a still image of him You're like Who's that? That head of hair Is like That's like a piercing

I'm like a crown Yeah And I've been a big fan of it What's cool about him Is that he started off He started off doing like Characterie movies So he did a rom-com

And then he did this thing that nobody was doing, this is back like 80s, 90s, that nobody was doing where the actors were like good guys and the actors were bad, there were actors who were good guys, actors who were bad guys, and he did two back-to-back movies as a leading romantic

lead who suddenly did like two psychopaths. And that put him in a whole other category and nobody was doing that. You know, like Tom Cruise, other than Magnolia, never played a bad guy. Oh, collateral. That's a good movie. Yeah. One of the best. Collateral is one of the best

And you see Tom, you're like, yes, you're like, holy fuck, Tom Cruise is the man. That was the beginning for me of like, I always liked Tom Cruise, but I saw that. I was like, he's the fucking man. Yeah. And I wish that hair, great hair. Such great hair. And I'm kind of, I'm very hopeful. Like, he's in that in a Ritu movie.

I'm really hopeful that after Mission Impossible, he does some interesting. He does some pivot. I think he will. He's got, like, such great intensity and presence. By the way, the big sick has a lot of driving scenes of her in the back, me and the front. Yeah. Those are in there because of collateral. Because I love those scenes

with Jamie Fox and Jada Pinkett I was like This looks so fucking cool Totally totally stole it from that Where I was gonna Yes that thing You should have had a postcard of you Like doing Madison Square Garden

Someday I'll go here With big like rubber bands around it Big cab driver driver bands Where are they getting those rubber bands Those are sturdy Yeah Yeah no totally 100% And I said it to

Like I was like I know car scenes are a fucking pin in the asked to shoot, but this thing where you can look at her through the rear view mirror and they look through, you just see the eyes back and forth. It's so exciting. It gives you an opportunity to act as the person, because, like, you're not face-to-face with them. And so there are, like, you get private moments in the middle of a conversation.

You just look up, they look at you. It's very exciting. And it's 100% from collateral. Interesting. Yeah. Tom Cruise is interesting because it's like he did do mission, and I love the Mission Impossible movies, but it's like, I, it's like, you kind of give so much of your, he like, that was like over it.

a decade like the first one came out in the 90s right yeah the Palma fuck it was like the Palma and now it's like yeah 90s it's like 20 years which is is there a party like is there a party that's like man because you were signing it you were clearly going for

it was going to be like oh this will be if like the Marvel shit takes off because I saw you talking about it where you're like this is my life for a decade yeah is there a party that's like that seemed like a lot like are you kind of happy or not in the like are you fucking kidding me

oh yeah by now I've been like four Marvel movies what a bummer oh my god this guy's movies have made two billion at the box office but you know what

with my luck yeah with my luck that would be the backlash to that too like this guy's movies are making too much money fuck that guy no because you know if you do one of those a year

the rest of the year you can do whatever you want and suddenly you know I can make like Like, $10 million movies that with my name get made, just, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, look at Sebastian Stan, right? Totally.

That's a great point. That's a great Marvel movies. And then there's really interesting stuff on the side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is no, there is no downside to being successful, Stapros. I'm really trying to stop getting more, like, I'm just like, I was really hoping you'd be like, yes, it's a prison. Oh, my God. Yeah.

I'm so much happier now. No, that would have been great. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, my God. That's a good point. The Sebastian Stan Comp is a good point. Yeah. But I do, I don't know.

Sometimes I do think, like, some real talents have given a lot of their lives to, like, sure, 100%. And I think there are people in those movies who just don't like those kinds of movies. That's a good point. And so that's probably... You're a comic book guy. I love those movies. I love comic book movies. I love, you know, I love, like, those big.

action things. I was watching the new Jurassic Park on the plane on the way over and I was fucking loving it. I couldn't finish it because the plane was landing. I didn't need it to take a nap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it sounds like you're really committed to these kinds of movies. I made it... I'm watching it on my phone. No, no, no.

I feel like on a... I do watch Emily watches things on her phone. I never do. I don't watch things on my laptop. It's always that. The only exception is airplanes. Yeah, yeah. I'll watch. But I do think you're really locked in on an airplane. I agree. I think that's a good viewing experience.

It is. Especially if you're doing something like a comedy's great because it's about the writing, it's about the vibe. One of my friends was like, I was telling the story about how I was in London and I had like a week, I had a couple days off and they happened to be playing Space Odyssey like on film, on like 70 millimeter.

I was like, holy fuck. And I had seen it, but it was like seeing it like that, I was like, dude, have you ever seen it? like, you should go see it. He was like, I tried watching it on a plane once. No, no, no. And I can't think of a worse movie. No, you can't do that.

To see on a fucking plane. It's all about the spectacle. Yeah. And it's just like, you're fucking immersed in it. Like, movies like that, I feel like are a problem on a plane, but a nice low budget action movie, a nice comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are fun on it.

Oh, yeah. Honestly, yeah, some superhero, like a superhero movie you're not that into. It's like, that's always fun because they're perfect time. Because they're very entertaining. I cannot wait to finish Jurassic Park on the plane back. You know, What's your... Okay, let's...

Were you both... You love movies. I do, yeah, yeah. They're my favorite thing in the world. One of my favorite movie-going experience as you just reminded me was not that long ago at the arc light,

the dome, which is now closed, which is like one of the best theaters in the country. I went and I watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Oh, yeah. And I was vibrating afterwards. I was like, this is gonna ruin

the next five like things I write because then you're like, oh, it should all be like that. And it kind of all be like that. Yeah, and there really is something to the experience of... I do think, unfortunately, movies are going to get a little more niche. Like, the cinema going to an actual theater, unfortunately, is just not... It's going to be...

It's going to be like... Like, being a cinephile now feels like when I was growing up, being into, like, records. You know what I mean? For, like, young kids, it's, like, almost like a retro thing. Yeah. But I will say, I hope that at least one silver lining is that people go in on seeing classics like that starts coming back more because it is coming back more because people are going to see them

I saw Backman returns in the theater like a couple months ago here in New York that movie is so fucking weird that is like Penguin is the lead of that movie it's his story all the actor and Batman is barely in it barely like they put him in it at the very beginning

because it's like all right but then he's not he's not really in it's all catwoman she's awesome she's so hot she's so incredible. I love the scene where Danny DeVito's like just giving like a speech

to an amphitheater of penguins. Yeah, he's addressing his penguins. And they're all listening to him. He does make some good points. They like talking back. I also love the fish.

He needs a real fish in front of some ladies. Dude, it's crazy. It's when Max Schreck who has Christopher Walk and brings him out because he's like this guy's got to run for mayor

and win. And they bring him down and he doesn't know he's going to be at like this big party. It's like his like coming out. Like this is a new candidate. And he's literally eating a raw fish with black goo dripping from his mouth

and everyone looks at him. He's like, yeah, we should vote for that guy. Yeah. Yeah. What a great movie. A pretty subtle metaphor. You know what? For politicians. You know what's interesting? That I hadn't thought of. Obviously, movie, you know, we're in like a tough time right now. But someone said to me, they were

like, there's always, it's back and forth in terms of like commercial stuff that's not good and then like artsy stuff that is. So like all the movies in the 70s, like, you know, we were you know, taxi driver. That whole, like, movement.

Hollywood stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Was a reaction to musicals were the biggest thing for a long time. Right. And so that was a reaction to that. And then the 80s and the 90s

with all the action movies we were talking about were kind of an adjustment from those like very grounded. Yes, but then like it came over the top. And then in the late 90s, 2000s, there were all those indie movies that got big, which was a reaction to that. So like, you know, Swingers and Little Miss Sunshine,

all those movies. So right now, we're in like the superhero big spectacle phase and hopefully and I love those movies there'll be a reaction to that where we get more like you know the stuff that your ghost makes yeah that kind of stuff some sort of reaction to that will happen and hopefully those movies will will do well and be interesting yeah I mean my my worry is that it's just such a just as an industry it's shrinking unfortunately I do think my my theory and my hope because this is kind of where I'm at is like I think hopefully somebody just starts letting people make

$5 million movies, $3 million. Like somebody just starts making 10 of those. Instead of making one, you know, $80 million thing, make fucking $10, $8 million movies. I could not agree more. And one of them is going to be a hit. And so that's my hope. And I also feel like a lot of,

I feel like I see a lot of people that kind of are contemporaries of mine that, like a lot of Internet people are, do want to move on to movies more than they want to do TV in an interesting way. I think a lot of people, it gives them kind of more from my perspective, I don't want a job. TV is a job. Movie is like a cool

project you work on for... You do like three months and then you're down. Yeah, yeah. And even if you're writing it, let's say it's a year of your life, a year and a half, it's like, you're laser focused. I feel like a lot of people have come of age looking at shit like that. So I hope that the big swing is like, you know, sorry baby's a great example. Have you seen that movie? No, Emily saw it.

Yeah, she loved it. And it's like, that's someone who I knew from like internet videos. She had great, or they, I'm not exactly sure I don't want to be fucking offensive. I think they, but like, Ava Victor, like, just was making internet videos that were fun, but you, and you could see there was something to the creative output. But that, to make that your first feature, it was like, I was like, holy fuck, this father-fucker is good. I mean, the other thing. And I hope there's a lot of, I don't know, that's my guess of like, because, you know, I hope that happens. want to make like a movie that's made a little movie but it's like I'd love to make like a

something with a little more money yeah yeah yeah but that's pretty small and like you know yeah that's what I'm trying to do I have a movie that I'm gonna direct if hell yeah looking like I'll get to do it next year make it as cheap as possible yeah I think the advantage of movies to TV is with movie you know what you want to say story you want to tell you're like this is the beginning middle and end I want to watch these characters do on this go on this journey it ends right here. With TV, it's a lot of like, all right, well, season two, what do we do now? You got to, like, keep coming up

with stuff. Well, it's particularly the way America does TV, where it's like, like Greek TV, like watching that growing up, we got satellite pretty young. And then even you see it like, London, you know, British stuff. It's like, those are, a lot of them have ends. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like,

I would do six episodes of season. And now America, not only that, but it's like, they've, we've started pretending we're doing limited series. And they just be, like, why the fuck is there are so many seasons of White Lotus. Part of the thing was it was a limited series. Task I love, but it would like, I would kind of be pissed

if they came back because it's like, you lied to me about this being one story. You know what I mean? It's like, and I don't know. Because a lot of TV in America is like, all right, let's just keep selling fucking commercial. Well, I mean, you know, when you pitch a show now, you have to tell them what's going to happen in like season four

and five. And it feels crazy. Which is hilarious because it's like, you're not letting me get to season four. I'm getting candy. Yeah. If we get to one, it's a fucking home run. What are you talking about? It's, it is, it's all, it's so weird. Like, so, you know, you go and pitch a show and you've write a Bible that tells you what's happening like season four and five and it's all feels so like made up anyway. You're like, I have a new TV show. It's going to be this. It's so stupid. And then to be like, and then seven years from now, this is what's going to be happening

on it. It's all. Which blow my brains out. I have to know what I'm doing in eight years. That seems fucking horrible. I mean, you just have to be. to prove that you could and then you just have to lie until they give you money like we were talking about before we started nobody knows what they're doing no one knows what no one knows yeah least of all our callers great segue uh eldest why don't we do someone we have we have a man with a wealth of life experiences uh and i think it's time that we you know see what he see what he see what he has to our our bedraggled our lost uh callers What's up, Stavv, eldest, guest.

So my issue is back in high school, one of my best friends. He's part of our whole friend group. I slept with his little sister. How little? He's like, she was in middle school. I mean, it's high school, so any little is getting close. A little is tough in high school. I hope he graduated.

You know what I mean? But let's let him finish. And from that point on, we haven't talked at all. That has been about eight years now. And he still will not talk to me. The friend group is basically split where they'll either hang out with him or they'll hang out with me, but we haven't all hung out together ever since this happened. And back in high school when it happened and he found out,

I apologize. I like the passive use of it happened. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did it. You know, like how a police bullet struck a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's exactly that.

Yeah, this person died in an altercation. Oh, yeah, they had a heart attack. You know, maybe it wasn't the best apology. So it didn't do anything. Oh, man. Probably lose the word maybe in that sentence. That's awesome. Sorry I was like your sister, dude. Not making that contact.

But it didn't do anything. And even over the years, I've seen him a couple times. And one time he was drunk, we were at a party and he saw me and he tried to start a fight with me. Awesome. Nothing really happened. Awesome. It's on site because you fucked my sister. But anyway, I'm kind of wondering if there's anything I can do to mend the relationship, at least enough so that our whole

friend group can hang out again. Friend group. You know what? Any advice that you guys have would be helpful. You're like out of high school long enough that phrase it like friend group should not be. It's time to move on. Well, yeah, this is insane because he's like, all right, it happened in high school.

So we're going to say... He was in high school. I'm going to say, yes, exactly. I'm going to say he's 17. The little sister is... She got held back grade. She's a 16-year-old sophomore. We're just going to say that. for our peace of mind, right? We don't, let's not get too much math.

Yeah, we're going to take that off the table. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So let's say this happens when this guy's 17, eight years later, that he is 25. Yeah. And he's still, your high school friend group is still hanging out. Not to be, not to call you a fucking loser, but you got bigger issues.

The fact they were talking about, a hookup from high school as a 25-year-old, as a guy who's been out of college ostensibly, if you even went to college you're out of it for three to four years it's like yeah you're an adult this is crazy the problem is not that you fucked

like your friend's little sister or whatever the problem is that you are letting this is like a guy who keeps talking about how good he was at football in high school you're just stuck in being in high school it's not a real problem it seems to me and I don't want to

generalize it feels like a little bit of a small town vibe probably I agree which and I'm you know you know, Emily's from a small town, and it's interesting to go back. Like, we're in our 40s now. We go back, and they never stopped hanging out with each other. Right, right, right.

From, like, so now they've been hanging out for 30 years. It's so much baggage. I mean, look, we literally went to preschool together, but we both moved together. Like, we left where we were. I'm not saying this. But I know what you mean. This makes more sense in the context of small town,

where, you know, you didn't, nobody goes away. You're running into each other at Fuddruckers. Yeah. Yeah. Still holding on. you know, fudruckers. It's time to move on. Find, yeah.

Fudrackers is good. Go to Ruby Tuesdays. You're now, you have to go to Ruby Tuesdays now. You're out of Fudruckers. Eldis, what do you think? I said, I think the problem is, too, it's not just that, it's not that like, necessarily that they're hanging out with their high school crew still, but it's like, the problem is this guy has made up his mind.

He fucking hates you. Yeah. He like hasn't talked to you for eight years. It's not like, you know, you're not going to bury the hatchet. Now, he's, like, moved on with his life. That's more time than you were friends. Yeah. Eight years when you started 17?

You've been enemies longer than you've been friends. Yeah, to him, he hates you more than, yeah. And he's not budging. And it's like, also, yeah, it's like, well, I don't know what to tell you, buddy. Anything to mend? No. No, there's nothing to mend, yeah. The other thing is like, what happened?

Because he said he slept with his sister. It's like, what, we haven't heard her mentioned once. No, I know, exactly. Did you treat her bad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, is there more to this? Like, was she in love with you? And you were like, I just kind of want to get my dick sucked.

Yeah. I don't care. Like, there's more to this. He's like she got pregnant. I made her use her babysitting money to get an abortion, but I drove her. I drove her. I didn't even ask for gas money. Fucking bitch.

And, like, yeah, it's like, I think there is more to this story. It's like, what happened to the sister? Were you, like, date it? Because it's like, if you date? How does she feel about all the day? Totally. Like, she pissed at her brother for being upset. said at the guy that you hooked up with?

Like, she's like a non-factors through this whole thing. I don't like, that's the part of this. That's what's making me not as sympathetic to you is like, you haven't mentioned her at all. She's just a pawn in this friendship game. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, oh, great, I fuck this girl. And now I don't get to smoke blunts and watch Aquatine Hunger Force with Roy.

It's like, what? What happened to her, dude? Like, so I don't know. Either way, though, this guy doesn't give a fuck. Time to move on. He fucking hates you. It's over. And maybe let this be a...

You also didn't really do anything wrong as long as you treated her well. And whatever the age gap is. And yeah, exactly, that's right. We are going under the assumption that they were Irish twins. He was a year older than you. Irish twins.

She's a month younger than you. The phrase little sister is tough. The fact that he's just throwing it around is not good. My fuck his little sister in high school. Little sister's a brutal sentence. Little sister, not younger sister. Yeah, yeah. Little applies.

sister. Sister. You know? The fuck his sister. Yeah. But yeah, it's, this is kind of a foreign. You think the phrase

little sister factored into the apology that he thinks maybe wasn't good? I bet it did. He's like, I bought her some more some squish mellows.

Why are you being so weird about this? Like, there are some very key factors that we're actually not sure we can even sign off on. We ate candy cigarettes afterwards.

Yeah. I offered her a Turkish blues She said, do you have any candy cigarettes? I got her Hawaiian punch afterwards. He was mad. She was too hyper because I fed her all this sugar. She wouldn't go to sleep afterwards.

So yeah, dude, I don't know. Eight years is just, this is, it's so over. It's over. To a crazy degree. And yeah, this is a weird reason to have to start a new life. But also the friend group

maintaining this fractured. You guys are living in like, you have very, The harder thing is you have frozen your high school dynamics in carbonite here. You have made it so that none of you can grow up because this is some kind of shit that you do when you're 20. A friend group doesn't hang out with one, doesn't get custody of a different friend.

Yeah. For in your mid-20s, people just go. Grow the fuck up. Yeah, you got to leave. You've been exiled, basically. I could not imagine. All I wanted to do was get away from high school. Yeah, yeah, totally.

And you have made, you have ensured that you are stuck in high school forever. And this is a big thing. It's like, this is a good lesson for you to learn. It's like, yeah, sometimes you fuck up. And sometimes the blowback you don't necessarily deserve. But instead of stewing over it, move on with your life, start something different. Yes. You know, hopefully again, we are under the assumption that you didn't do anything heinous here.

And if you didn't, just move on, it's over. Fuck it, dude. It's like, you're never, this guy's never going to be your friend again. And by the way, as long as you treated her well, whatever, he's being completely ridiculous. Well, there is that thing of, like, you know, guys have with their, like, sisters and stuff. Yeah. I have to protect her honor, which is a whole other problematic thing. Totally.

But also, that's not the guy who called us. This is the guy who called us. Yeah. And, yeah, it's time to move on. Time to move on. hilarious. Yeah, I really hope. Anyway, next question.

Hi, Bobby. Hi, Alda. Hi, theme guest. I'm calling with a special question. What if she's like? My older brother's friend fucked me, and it ruined their group. And I'm just trying to get some dick again. I'm calling with a sexual question.

Nice. My husband has a number of different illnesses, just chronic pain, TMJ issues. So eating pussy is like really strenuous for him. You know, fucking is just kind of hard in general. he's also on like antidepressants that's also like makes the heart anyways um i like want to initiate sex in a way that's like not as physically taxing on him i don't want him to feel emasculated um it's to ask him like hey can i just like you just lay there and i just you like i guess it's kind of hot but like i just want to know if there are

ways of fucking that are like less strenuous on the male body. I know you're a sexual dynamo, but I wouldn't know, sister. I'm giving 110% every time. I'm throwing my back out. I'm leaving nothing on the floor.

I'm playing like a 16 seed versus Duke in the NCAA. This is my only time. This is the only time I'm being televised. So I got to, so I really You really got to make it count. That's right. So I wouldn't know.

Yeah, if I got a contract, it's from this one game. I'm sure you have times when you just, like, want to chill out unless the girl do all to work. Yeah, that's awesome. I love giving head. So that's my problem. I do that as often as hell at me. But, you know, I would like to get my nut as well. Of course.

And like I said before, I know him giving me head, it just hurts with his PMJ. and yeah it's chronic pain issues I like that this guy's problem is his mouth hurts but his dick doesn't work I know that's a tough combo I at least could rely on my mouth for the many years I was too fat for my dick to ever get over 65% hard

which we're out of now folks okay we're at 100 well let's not get crazy I don't know about 90s we're hitting the 90s with regularity Is there more? No, I think that's a little more, but that's just... Well, so there's a lot to parse through there. First of all, I totally do sympathize with her and with him, obviously,

stuff. I mean, here's, this is maybe not the right thing to say because I do... If someone, you know, if my wife to me was like, I don't want you to do anything, I'm going to take care of it. Love that. Obviously, very exciting. Yeah. There are medical interventions that could help because it seems like he has issues with, because

of his antidepressants that he's got issues with ED. Yeah, yeah. There are medications for that. Or you just can't bust. I feel like a lot of people on Lexa Pro, whatever, just can't nut. But the thing is, and there's no shame in this, doctors will give you medication that will help

with libido, that'll help with ED. Like, that stuff exists. And you just got to be... The hard thing is, I would assume that if you don't have a libido, you're not missing anything. So there's kind of like nothing that you think you need to fix. But there are medications that help with all of that.

TMJ, you know, there's stuff you could do to help that. People get like Botox injections in their jaw to like relax it. A lot of TMJ comes from stress and stuff. There's like stress that you could stuff you could do to lessen your stress, yoga, all this stuff. You know, there are

medical things that you can encourage him to do that would that would, I think, alleviate some of this stuff. Yeah. You could do that. I'm saying, you know, maybe you get a sex swing and he pushes you on it. you're a little kid where it's like

the George Clooney and burn after reading sex swing you know he could just kind of push her on and off and it can fuck you you know

you can do that um Kumail's like gets real like medical advice I'm like all right what kind of fuck toys

can we get swing and fuck her like a little kid yeah it's good we get each each have our lengths can he have

okay for like what about those like vibrators that he can control from his phone you can just be lounging and just fucking put the intensity up you know what I mean like I honestly think this guy needs to take a mech suit

approach to fucking where it's like let's get as many sex toys in the mix as possible just get whatever you can yeah yeah like you know put a cock put a vibrating cock ring on him while he's just laying there let him fucking man a dildo let him do I think that's he needs to look at himself as Ironman you know and he's just this is just a starting point yeah what can you layer on top of this. Yeah. If she wants to get his, get it,

and also I think that can make him feel like he's kind of in the mix a little more, you know, instead of just laying there. Because I do think, yes. Right. Someone being like... It isn't a little masculine to be like,

just lay there. Exactly. It's like, is that awesome every once in a while? Of course. Somebody would be like lay back, I'll do everything. It's like, yeah,

but it's also like, he might want to fucking really, he, maybe he's sad because he can't fuck the way he dreams of fucking. And I bet, I think that's part of it. I think he feels,

like he's not good at fucking so he doesn't want to fuck, so he's not good at fucking so he doesn't want to fuck. It feels like it's like a cycle. So anything to get him back in the zone, I think like, yeah, let it, you know, introduce him. I really look at it as like, get some help, you know, with some vibrators and some fucking wild

shit, get crazy with it. Yeah. Because I think a big thing with sex, obviously, is intimacy, it's how you're connecting with your partner in a deep way that nobody else is. Obviously, you know, there's like romance and stuff to it, but there's also like sex can be vulnerable so I think that's what she obviously wants to get her nut as she said

but there's also like a whole other thing that goes off the table that really can hurt relationships I truly believe and you know I've got friends who are in all kinds of poly situations right now and stuff not gonna work I don't think it works it's cheating it's like approved cheating which is great

but I have no problem with it and it just isn't sustainable exactly I don't I don't really believe it is. I don't think you could do it. Than gay guys. They tip my hat to them, they got to figure it out. Whatever they did. The gay dudes are crushing. Like my gay friends like you talk to some of my

gay friends about the concept of cheating and they laugh at you. Like it's like, it's the way we talk to little kids who are stressed about Santa Claus. Yeah. Hsuiting's not real. Like to them, it's like, you can't cheat. It's like anyway, whatever. But I know what you mean. It's like so many people try and figure it out by some outside shit. Yeah. And I think by the way,

it can be fun if a couple is into that if they want to if they want to dabble whatever if you want to I've said many times my dream would be if I marry a bye lady and every once in a while we get to fucking lady together once in a while together as a team building opportunity

right I think that's exactly yeah I feel like a sexless couple sexless romantic couple I truly believe cannot survive I agree so I think it is important I'm glad that she's like to be connected I think it's important yeah And yeah, so I think that's, yeah, be connected.

Look, have I was, I mean, I had crazy, like, a year of my life where I was addicted to every substance. I was fat as fuck, just like. What substances are we talking? I mean, mostly weed, pills. Do you still smoke weed? I'll smoke a little weed. That's the one that's stuck around. But, like, you know.

It's the, I assume, of all the stuff, it's the least harmful. Least harmful, but it just gets me in a weird, does it lose you, does it hurt? Motivation and stuff. It hurts motivation. I also eat like a motherfucker. Sure, sure, sure. And it's just so easy to layer stuff on top of it. Like, you know, I start smoking weed to go to sleep.

That's how it always starts. Sure. And then I have to kind of up the ante. And that's where like Xanax or like, you know. And then you're just taking fucking, you know, hydrocodones and shit like that. And they're awesome. But, you know, I would be eating like shit, smoking weed, taking a couple, you know, downers. I was not an upper guy.

Although I would take some adderol. I guess I did, actually. Do a little adderol. I think that's kind of where the pills also started was like the balancing act which famously works out really well for obese comedians

an upper downer combo um it works out for everybody where everybody dude works out for everybody and uh and I was fucking a lot because I was just

I had such an like addict's mindset and yes my dick like barely worked in those times but it was about so it's the point I'm trying to illustrate is that it's about I still like

animalistically needed to fuck so you know Even if I'm just, like, finger-popping someone. Like, he's got, it's the will that we need to instill in him again. It's basically what I'm saying. Right. Make him feel like, because, like, against all, like. Think of yourself as a sexual being.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's, like, gotten that. He thinks he's out, so anything you can do to kind of make him feel that way. Call him hot. Yeah, yeah. And that, even the, like, all that stuff. That's why I'm saying the, like, the, you know, vibrator shit or the, like, making him feel like he's in control.

And I feel like the, even if his dick and mouth doesn't work. I think a lot of men feel inadequate with vibrator stuff. So I think that's another thing to get over. Like, you know, you're a couple. Experiment, go nuts. It can be really, really exciting. Bring other shit in, you know, like see, see what works. Because we're so used to seeing now porn where it's just people fucking really hard.

We don't see like all the other stuff that's possible. The only thing that changes is the number of people involved. Whereas one-on-one, really there's... The inches of dick. And the number of people. I'll tell you, man. I know that the world is in a bad place right now. But I feel porn is, it needs to calm the fuck down.

I kind of agree. I did, like, I stumbled upon a video of the guy with the little dick, and it actually made me feel awesome. Because there needs to be, like, there needs to be a category on porn hub or whatever that's, like, relatable. Yeah, normal dicks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Totally.

But yeah, good luck. Hopefully he's busting pretty soon, and more importantly, you're also busting. But, yeah, take some of what we said to heart. What else we got, little eldest? What's up, Stavi, baby, eldest, esteemed guest. A question for you about a very loving but overbearing father-in-law. So my wife's parents come and stay with us periodically to help out with the kids. Most recently, they came because we were having our second kid, and so they came to stay

and look after our three-year-old while we're in the hospital. My wife is giving birth. That's nice. And I love them. I just want to preface this with like, they're really great people. I feel grateful for them. Which makes this kind of a sensitive situation. But her dad is just like, he has no boundaries at all.

He takes over the house when he comes. He won't sleep in the guest room with his wife, I guess because he snores. But the house isn't very big. And so he ends up sleeping on the couch. which means no one else can really be in there. He completely takes over the kitchen. He has, like, he brings, like, his entire pantry. It's, like, like, canned goods, like, all over the counters.

And he cooks all this food. Like, it's all love, you know? He wants to, like, he wants to create that family, that sense of home. But it's, like, he makes food that, like, no one wants to eat. Like, it's always, like, mystery meat. And, like, there's a cultural component here. Here we go. They're Mexican.

And I love the culture. and I like I say I love them but like I'll tell you this just to hit pause when people say whenever you're someone is saying I love the culture it's very complicated yeah you've already lost the argument

yeah yeah but like you know you're eating something there's always like a knuckle or like something in it or he makes food he doesn't like yeah I love all cultures but the ones we're eating fucking knuckles yeah

I do love This doesn't help for me Because I love the weird You love a weird I'm traditional And I'm come from a culture Where we're eating knuckles and brains And all of it

You know No I'll eat a brain Like when I go to a taco place I like to try The The cabesa and the fucking Lengua Give me the head and the tongue

Yeah I'm interested in that shit And that's the Last caller wanted too Yeah That's my That's my taco order And that's my

Sex order too Give me some tongue. Tongue and head, please. I'll take them both served by a Mexican lady, too. I'm basically, I'll get a chicken breast. Thank you. He doesn't, like, cover things with saran wrap. And so, anyway, like, the refrigerator is, like, so packed that, like, literally I can't put bottles in it.

like I'm doing 2 a.m. feedings and there's no space to put the bottles. I don't buy that. I don't buy there's no room to put the bottles because he's got fucking knuckles in there. It feels like we're getting a little, yeah. You know, you're like, into hyperbole. Yeah. And he broke my $200 blender and didn't say anything. That's tough.

He just, he always ends up like costing me money. And it's, it's, he's a very sensitive. guy and uh i know if you try to like sort of like say something to him and like kind of set a boundary he gets like he goes very quick to like you're ungrateful like yeah fuck you kind of thing like yeah i've never broached that this is really boundary with him i know this but i've seen other people in the family do it um and so like i say i feel i feel lucky to have you know a father in law that's like fun loving he brought his big karaoke machine i love that he think his man is fucking practicing his Selena covers at 3 a.m.

Oh, my God. Here comes father-in-law with his knuckle sandwiches and karaoke machine. This is the premise of an 80s movie. It really is. This is like, what about Bob? But with your Mexican father-in-law. Harry Bradford had it perfect. Adelaidell is Mexican.

Maria. Yeah, he thought he had it all. A beautiful wife. Yeah. until he met her dad. That's exactly. Is there more? That's the gist.

He just wants to know. I like the specificities. Are there any more specificities? No. Okay. Yeah. Okay. This is interesting.

I mean, we both have experience with foreign fathers. We both have them. What's yours? Yeah. My father-in-law, well, my family's Albanian. My family's Albanian. So, you know. Yeah.

All three of us have dads that were. born in other countries. You were born what's the, what's Albanian food? It's like a mix of like Mediterranean and Turkish kebabs and stuff. Dirt porridge. Goat shit soufflis. Kind of that sort of stuff.

Fish. There's like Boudac. There's like a lot. There's what? Boudreck is great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that's the pastry. Yarlah making like savory pastries. Yep, yep, yep. I love Cultures that fuck with savory pastries. Yeah, yeah.

You can tell, you could, yeah. But, so I know exact, this guy, his father-in-law, I really have a picture. You know this guy is. Like, it's, I know Greek guys like this. Like, my dad's not like this because he would never be this helpful. But he would be annoyed if you ever asked him, set a boundary or anything, you know? And so, yeah, that's so true. boundaries, I'll tell you, are such an

American thing. People here. Greek people love boundaries. Foreign families don't have them. There are no boundaries. Even like, if I run into someone who's Pakistani, they're like asking me for favors. I'm like, I met you 30 seconds ago. I know. It's like, I've been stuck doing favors for a friend of a friend.

I have like, I have friends who are there's a degree of how foreign you are and I have Greek people who are real Greek and who'll just like, oh yeah. And like, you know, my friend you've never met, we're going to be in a car with them for nine hours. it's like, oh, nice, you know? Or, I mean, dude, our fucking,

we love her so much, one of our best friends, but she had a friend from Cyprus just stay in our apartment for what? How long was that motherfucker? I think that was like eight weeks? Eight weeks, bro. It was great. That is so long. It was nuts.

That was the length of my Broadway run, and it was, that shit lasted forever. I had a great time. But, yeah, it was fucking insane. But yeah, that's foreign shit. It's hard to say We all That is foreign shit

Yeah And it was never like My friend staying here eight weeks It was like no It was like Hey he's gonna crash on the couch For like a week And then it was like

Oh he's Oh the place he was getting fell through Yeah And then it was like Well I'm leaving for three weeks So he's just gonna take my room And it's like okay You know

It always kind of Like when Emily and I were dating Early on And I talked about my parents She's like well just talk to them about I was like you do not understand What are you? What do you mean?

That does not. We literally do not have words for that. In Urdu, there's no word for boundary. There's a word for border. We got that. We need that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Emily has now understood after like almost two decades, like, all right, there are certain things you just cannot talk to your parents about.

And look, I'm not even going to, like, in certain contexts, I understand wanting the set of boundaries. and then it's up to that foreign parent if they want to see it from your side or not and you decide how close you want to be with them. This doesn't feel like one of those, right? Like, I've definitely had that issue with my, you know, I've talked about it on the show, like me and my dad have had, like,

I tried to set some boundaries, and he never got all the way there, but recently he's just made this much progress. Which is huge. And to me, that's good enough, right? Yeah, because you understand how hard he had to try to even get there. But look, that's also my dad It's not in the context of a family

It's not in the context from doing any favors You are this guy's son-in-law Also, when he's there It sounds like he's doing you favors He's trying to be nice But also it's like they're there for child care Aren't they? They're there for like They are

What he's describing Sounds a lot like what my grandma was like Because she lived with us And she was like doing a ton of housework She's doing like a ton of shit that, you know, no one else could really do or had time to do or whatever. And she was like helping raise us. But there was also like, she's just in her own little world. She's on autopilot.

She ain't learning new shit. She's not going to learn how to not do whatever she's doing that you know she's like breaking the washing machine once every two years. You're like, I can't prove that it was her. But you know, she said some shit wrong or something. Of course, of course. She should take, like, our nice knives and, like, scrape ice off the stairs when, like... She's like, where's the D-Jewing setting? All the Albanian washing machines have them.

Yeah. Literally ethnic cleansing. Yeah. But, you know, he said break the blunder. My grandma, like, broke shit and fuck shit up all the time. And she thought she's just, like, helping out. I kind of know what you mean. You're not supposed to, like...

She's putting, like, aluminum foil. in the fucking microwave I mean I also was interested to hear his wife's perspective does he does she think that he's overstepping like is there something to be had there

like can she help set boundaries or something close to it it's also it's not all or nothing right it's not like you could be like hey no more knuckles too we just don't like it other stuff so like maybe little steps I don't know

Also, what I would do is I'd be like, you win. This is how it's going to be. I do think there is, yeah, I think you're at a point where you should manage this because, first of all, how often are these people here? Is it that big a deal? Sounds like he's really in it right now. He just had a new baby. So he's really from at the bottom of the well, you know? And like eldest, he says like they're here helping us with the kid, but he doesn't say they're there all the time.

No, they're here helping the kid. Because the kid's three and they're having another care or just had a lot of kids. And so I would say unless this guy's coming to your house and spending fucking six days every month or something shit. Yeah, you've got to write it out.

If it's just like holidays or whatever little. That's how I feel. But I'm not saying you can't make some progress but you're like him being so, you know, these fucking like immigrant dads do or both act like tough, big macho tough guys but are the most sensitive people

the world, like in my experience, because it's like no one really like, it's like their mom coddled them and then their wife coddled them. They never had a fend for yourself. They got the veneer of macho but really soft inside. I really think everyone that I've met has kind of been like that. That's very true.

I think that's true in general for very, very guys who try to be macho. Is that they're really like little boys? Yeah, and so his feelings will get hurt. And again, if this was a peer, if this was a co-worker, if this was someone who's, you could you know, check him on that.

But this is your father-in-law who you see, what, who stays with you, 5% of the year or whatever it is? Like, if that, whatever. So I would say, instead of being like, hey, the knuckle fucking stew sucks dick, be like, hey, you know what I really like? It's your Karnay Asada. Yes.

Can you make that for me? Oh, positive reinforcement. Start ordering the things you really like. Right, right, right. You know, like, look, the sleeping on the couch thing, it's like, whatever. you're get a bigger house brother i don't know what to tell you like you like uh i don't think that'll yeah right now that ain't happening yeah or get a get a get a fucking uh get a camper for him to

sleep it in the driveway be like dude i got you your own fucking personal you gotta spend a positive it's decked out with all the shit you like um but yeah i think you can do some stuff at the margins but this is this is why people are you could have this guy and he's not helpful not saying like think about how much worse it could be I know that's not always helpful because you're still, this is your experience and it sucks but it's like as far as like father-in-laws go he's trying his best

some little positive reinforcement what does your wife think and also you haven't even tried setting even a light boundary because he says like he's seen it happen with other people in the family sometimes like father-in-laws

don't respect their kids but they might listen to like, you know. I feel like this is a trap. I mean, look, I don't know. I'm not, I'm just saying the dynamics are different from you than the other people you've seen in the family. So you can, as long as you're coming at him from a,

he's still, the thing you have to always frame these things that he has all the power. He needs to feel like he's in complete control. And you almost have to like be groveling and be like, hey, can you, you know, whatever, can you do this or whatever? I have to be up tomorrow or, you know, can you, you know, I don't know, not sleep,

but I don't know what the issue is, but I don't know, man, I just think you have to kind of eat this, especially when you think of it in the context of, you know, what are they helping you with? How long are they there? Now, if we're getting this wrong and they're their fucking three months a year.

It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like they're there right now because the kids there, you know, so it could be, at this point, it could be a couple months because it's the first couple months with a new baby. Yeah.

Could also see down the line all these people move. living in together at some point. So this might be need to address more head-on in the future. Not a no, but just, you know. I think you'd have a bigger place at that point, if you're, like, living in together. Elders did grow up with his grandmother sleeping in the fucking living room. I grew up with my grandfather.

Yeah. No, me too. My grandma lived in our house, too. Yeah. So, yeah, we all have that background. So, but I think on a visit, it's more of like he gets the peacock around. He's, like, the guest of honor. and he's never not going to feel that way.

And it is obviously coming from a good place, which is why he gets hurt when you call him on it, because he's like, this is how I'm showing my love. So I think, understand that. This is his way of showing you love. And you just have to, you know, it's the love language thing kind of. You just have to. I think what you said about being like, I like this, I like this.

That's kind of your best approach. Because like, yeah, that's the close thing you get to. And look, dude, pros and cons and everything. This is a sort of mixed. This is one of the mixed bags that comes with your, you know, marrying your wife. And I'm sure the pros way outweigh it. And it's like being a little annoyed at your step or your father-in-law ain't the worst thing. I think this is also like an era of chaos in your life.

You just have your second baby. Just invite it, man. It's like not going to get. I kind of agree. I kind of agree. I think he's calling us in the, he's in the middle of the storm right now. Right, right, right. I think when he's gone, you know, it's not that big a deal, but, you know.

It's like, you know, have you. I'm preface it was one of the worst analogies I've ever made but you have you heard that call where a woman's calling because a friend is being attacked by a chimp or like a pit bull yeah yeah yeah I think that's what that is yeah yeah yeah yeah it's literally just

happening right now I think so but you know if we're wrong call back let us know you got something fun for us to go out on here yeah let's go yeah this is a question this is fun I love this yeah solving other people's problems is so easy It's so fun and easy. Yeah, I have no skin in the game.

I have no personal experience with any of this. I'm a stunted, you know, child. Hey, Sevee, baby. I love you and your podcast so much. You're my thick king. I had a question, not to do my own horn, but I'm pretty fucking hot. Nice.

Huge tricks, huge great ass. Dude, you, I think she's into you, too. Quiet down, Camille. I'm listening to our caller. please don't interrupt her kumel she has huge tits I don't mean to cock-flok you over voicemail

go ahead elders I do have eczema like specifically my size and my ass so I just wanted to know what your perspective and the esteemed guest opinion would be on like if you're hooking up with a girl and it sort of looks like

I don't know a rash or something on her ass Like, I don't want to freak any of that out, but, like, I have a hot five. I'm going to show it off. Of course. But I don't want anybody to think I'm, like, diseased. It's just a condition that I can't cure. Yeah. So what would you do if you're hooking up with a girl and you see she's got some eczema?

Otherwise, 10 out of the 10, well, maybe 8 out of the time. Hysterical question. I just wanted to know what your opinion was as a guy. Excema. Thanks so much, babes. Love you. I said, you really are tackling, like, the entire spectrum of problems. From, like, my, my father-in-law is making knuckles stew to a hot ass.

I mean, this is so, like, how much women are just mentally tortured in our society. Yeah. It's like, this is a beautiful woman who's, like, as a skin can, now, the only thing that I can think of that takes out of the realm of, like, that takes out of the realm of, like, Like, if she had eczema on, like, her arm or some shit, I'd be like, shut the fuck up. No one cares. This is totally in your head. The ass thing, the only thing I'll say is, like,

if you, if it could possibly read as an STD, that's the only negative I can come up with, right? Because it's like, how rashy does it look? I don't, eczema. I feel like. Exema can go. It's a lot. Yeah, I could go pretty far.

A lot of different ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know. I mean, I don't even exactly in my head know what that, just like reddish, flaky skin? Is that kind of what it is? Yeah, but image search, XMA. It can get fairly.

I assume if she's dealing with it, then it's something, if she's so concerned about it. But also, you're right, we've really done a number on women. It's crazy. Because it's like, basically you're saying like a minor skin condition

and everything else is, you know. Truly one of the most minor conditions you can have in life. And so many people have it. I'm seeing, there's like a spectrum. Some stuff looks really gross. I think for me it would come down to like,

oh for you. The texture. like, can you feel it or is it just like redness? You know what I mean? Scaly. Because if you come across like a weird scaly patch,

depending on how bad it is. If you close your eyes, you might, you think you're reading braille, maybe. I'm fucking the lizard woman. Which could be hot, actually,

now that I think about it. Where does the tail go? I think you know. I think you know where it goes. That sounds pretty good You're right And I hope it's not too big You know a small tail

Yeah yeah Well there's a tip of small I can work up I can work up to the base Because you know tail's like Blu-woo in there If it's wiggled

A lot of possibilities Worst case scenario It's tickling your nuts Worst case scenario This is not an issue at all This is fucking insane This is your Yeah you've been

Our beauty standards Have really crushed You know women's self-esteem this is nothing I mean whewf eczema I mean I'm thinking about first move to New York

It's just like dandruff right It's just like non-head dandruff I believe so I think that's mostly what it is But I also think like you know I guess I'm not gonna tell you Because I'm sure she's done The research on curing it

It feels curable I feel like you could get a That was the first thing I thought of too But then you know the problem I have With Emily is like She's like I don't need you to offer a solution. I'm just listening to me.

So that's why I didn't say it. But I would think that would be... Get a second opinion from a better dermatologist. A good dermatologist. But no, keep at it. You know, you're doing great. This is a very minor thing. And this would not stop me at all.

I wouldn't even consider it a problem. It wouldn't even enter my mind. I've been like, well, thank God she's human. Yeah, yeah. I would be... There would be too many awesome things. things we're talking about those huge ditties that big ass you seem

fun we've probably had a nice time you think I'm going to be like what the hell is that do you need to put a little lotion on a two inch by two inch patch of your ass you fucking disgusting get the fuck out of my house I'm fat as shit I'm like

I look like this I'm like you got eggs I'm a bitch I have medically rosy cheeks that will never go away medically rosy I don't know what this is but it's just you know it's never going I can't grow hair here. You can't. This is the beard.

Yeah, I can't. This is it, baby. It's a good look, though. Thank you. Thank you. Cherubic. Yeah. I'll be cherubic my whole life.

So yeah, you're doing great. And look, if you need a, you know, more detail, you want to send me a picture of your ass so I can really know we're looking at for clinical reasons only. My DMs are open as a practitioner, as a mental health practitioner. That's the thing. I have no licensing. You should not listen to anything that we say. But where the other place we differ from therapists is we will look at your nudes if you ask. And it's not unethical.

You'll throw in a free titty screening too. I will also do a visual mammogram. Anything. Yeah. Yeah. Any other ailments you got. Yeah. Do you have, yeah, goose pimples on your titty? What are those like goose? Goose bumps?

You get goosebumps on your tities I'll look at those too Anyway yeah Don't worry about it He's lucky to be there Or she whoever it is Whoever's getting in those cheeks Should have no problem

Yeah By the way Look at this guy's head of hair Huh Oh yeah That is like That is one of the best heads of hair I've ever seen

Wow thank you In blush Look at him blush You're never gonna Your whole family Everybody's got full head of hair My dad was bald as fuck What?

He had like crazy male pattern baldness He had the most traditional meal butter malice you could ever. My mom had three. Like, is that going back into the island and then back here, that thing? Oh, no, he's not even an island, the pure horseshoe. Okay. It was awesome. He had great.

My dad, too, has that going on. He has, like, two hairs up here. Uh-huh. He, when I was a kid, he would, like, when we had to go and he were, like, important, he would spray his, like, four hairs down. It was fucking hilarious. Pretending he had hair. Can you imagine somebody that pathetic?

What the hell, Elders? Why are you laughing? I mean I would be sad What's going on up here? You like the back of the... Are you looking at the background, Camille? I saw your eyes got to go up.

Oh, man. You got really... Yes, we've mentioned it before. Eldis had to be blessed with height and a great hairline. He's too weak to live in my body. He would have crumbled under the weight of this look. And so I'm happy for it.

It is a fucking great look. Thank you. It really is. I appreciate that. I appreciate it. Yeah, I think were we wrapping it up and then you got a compliment? I think so.

Hey, we can keep that going. No, no. That's enough compliments. Like, holy shit. No more complimenting the employees, Camel. You've reached your guest limit for how many eldest compliments. You've also addressed him with respect, which I don't really like. Is that not standard?

That's not really, you know, just cold and impersonal. Okay. From now on. It's okay. You didn't know any better. Yeah, next time I won't talk to I can't look at the guests in the eyes

Yeah I dock his pay Every time he makes eye contact with a guest I mean you know Depending on where their IMDB star meter is Of course Of course You know certain comedians can look him in the eye

You know some of my friends I did open mics with You know Patreon episodes We were a little more lax But the free ones with guests That have been Oscar nominated You gotta have boundaries

Absolutely not No respect Elvis Importance of boundaries But the That is going to do it for the app. Camel, thanks for coming, man. Oh, thanks for having me. This is so great.

Watch the special. Hulu. I'm also in a couple episodes of the new season of Fallout, which is also out right now. Fuck yeah. On Amazon Prime. That's awesome.

Go see it. And, yeah, I mean, you've been to so much great stuff. Go check out all the, I mean, you know, all the back catalog. And one Marvel movie. And one Marvel movie.

Exactly one. Maybe the only guy to be in just one. Just one for me. I will never forget that you were like, in a way, it's a blessing in disguise, right? I really think that. We can keep talking about it off our philosophies off mic, but yes. Listen, no complaints.

I feel very, very lucky to be where. I mean, so fucking lucky. Yeah, yeah. No complaint. That totally comes through. But it is very, I know. I am stupid in hindsight. But watch the special folks, and we will talk to you next time.

Bye, bye. Bye. Thank you.