Stavvy's World - #164 - Robby Hoffman

Episode Date: January 19, 2026

Robby Hoffman joins the pod to discuss her new special WAKE UP (out now on Netflix), trying to keep it cool but having no chill when she met Stav, growing up poor with nine siblings, what she ate the first time she broke kosher, pivoting from accounting to comedy, and much more. Robby and Stav help callers including a fisherman whose wife is self-conscious about how lame her job is compared to his, and a club promoter wondering what he should do with a $9 million inheritance that he has coming his way. Watch Robby Hoffman’s new special WAKE UP out now on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81978270 See Robby Hoffman live and follow her on social media:https://www.robbyhoffman.com/https://www.instagram.com/robbyhoffmanhttps://twitter.com/iAmRobbyHoffmanhttps://www.facebook.com/robby.hoffman1   Thank you to our sponsors!Visible.com - promo code SWITCH26 ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Oh, bye. There it is. Welcome, everybody to Stavis World 904, 800, stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We have on the couch, Robbie Hoffman. Thanks for being here, Robbie. Thanks for having me. Special out. Always you walk in, and it's like, I've been to so many, you see the guy getting ready.

Sure. It's always like the producer of a podcast. It's like shocked that they have to record a podcast. It's like somebody woke eldest up in the middle of the night. Yeah. And it's like a scared straight program. But that's actually how they do it everywhere. Like, actually, if they were just ready when you walked in, like, for some reason, I think

the industry would fall apart. Like, they need to, they need us to watch them do their job. Sure. Like, because if we came in and it was already set up, we would think he did nothing. We could do this. But because we saw him click, click, click, click, click. Three buttons. He did that.

He turned on a light. He put his own headphones on. There's a lot of disgusting stuff going on behind the. cameras. You guys don't need to know anything about, you know. It's the theater of performance for all this. And mind you, we did a podcast moments before you got here. So it's not like he had to set up anything, but it was that he had to refocus. I didn't change. Why did my camera need to be refocused? They'd just like to go for those who don't know what's going on, just a camera on a tripod. And what they do is they just do that.

You do a little tinkering. They turn off and on again. And it all takes 10, 12 minutes. It takes too long, absolutely. It takes, and you're just sitting here. We don't know each other. We don't know each other. Yes, we could get here, we can talk shit, we could talk smack, but we don't know each other like that. In fact, I've, this, and I haven't said this, I've been begging to get on your podcast. Wow.

There's no other podcast I wanted to, because I feel, and I'm so, I said, he'll never have me on because I think we had, we had a weird interaction. Where was this? Because I'm always weird. I can't be chill if I like someone. I don't remember this, so that's good. Oh, this is good. Yeah, yeah. I have no chill.

You know, people say, like, no chill. Like, just, you know, I've had friends all the time. Like, you have to chill. I just, for some reason, I have no chill. And it's despite having no chill that I got here. It took me a lot longer than somebody who had no chill. Right, right, right. And I recognize I got it my own way in that.

You think so. Oh, yeah, because. I don't think you did, but what are you describing? When did we mean? I think because Friedland's a good friend of mine, Adam. Okay. Strike one. Yeah, strike one.

So exactly, strike one. So that might be a problem, sure. Okay. But then I met you somewhere. I really, really liked you. And I never tell anyone I liked them or anything because I'm trying to be chill. I don't remember like an awkward inter-I remember. I remember like a brief meeting.

What do you remember? Okay, tell me what you remember. Like, you know, because you mean- It didn't go well. I'll tell you, it didn't go well. I felt very, I felt I wasn't cool. Like, the thing is, I'm like. I straight up.

And here's the other thing. I'm accidentally cool. Like, I think I'm cool, but I'm not, not due to the way that I behave. No, certainly not. It's like, because I would do the uncool. thing where I'm like, stop, you're so funny. Oh, I appreciate it. And we just saw a movie with you that you were in it. And between

me and you and it had big people in it, but you were the best part. I wasn't the best part, but I appreciate it. Now you're over doing it. No, I'm not overdoing it, but you see, this is the no chill. We're talking about two of the best actors living. I thought you were a really fun part of the movie. Thank you. I appreciate that. You know, and the movie you did, there's a lot of gratuitous. Okay, of course,

we want to see a woman begging. We want to see a woman. Of course. Okay. That's important Yeah, but you... In any movie I see. You... And I'll say this. Coming off the conversation of how annoying I feel around people,

sometimes especially when I'm excited, your character was... I saw myself most in that character of all the characters. He's kind of staying around. Hang around. He wants kind of a tour of a spot. He's like, he wants to see... You when I came in here, I'm like,

you renting here? Like, at this year, probably like, I'm that type of thing. So I just thought, I get in my head. You know how we make... a narrative. Like this whole story happened

that you're saying, yeah. And I'm saying, ah man, you see, it's again another time where I like somebody and I said, I shouldn't have said that I like them. Because the fellas,

it goes right to the heads. Fellows don't like, apparently guys. You can't go up and you say you like them. Like they think that that's like, I don't know. Like they're too good immediately.

I got a sense, but I knew you weren't like that. So this one I knew I screwed up. No, no. I think for me it was more, like if anybody is too effusive, just don't know what to, I'm like, thank. Exactly. They don't know what to do. It's not that I'm like, I like, I like the compliment

and I take it, but I'm just like, oh, cool, you know what I mean? Like, thanks. And then I go, you stupid to me. I'm like, why did you even say anything? You can't like people from afar. And this is probably how people who come up to me and say something. Right. You know, and maybe I didn't say the right thing back. I try and have empathy for myself in them where they probably walk away, but why did I say that to Robbie or something? By the way, if you had an interaction with me and you think it's, I forgive you. Give grace. You're doing the best you can.

You saw Robbie Hoffman. You got excited. I saw staff. I got excited. It happens. This is fully you saying this to yourself. It happens. Over us meeting,

which I don't remember going badly. So I'm so happy. So I never go through all of these things. They all happen through friends and stuff. Yeah, yeah. I went through people. Right. I said, they said,

is there anything for the special because Netflix has you going here. They have you going there. Is there anywhere you want to talk about your special with? I said, I'd love. I'd love to go on staff but I don't think I had such an interaction

where I gave him a compliment by the way By the way Was I weird? Did I take the compliment? No I think I was too I have to take it to I have a thing where I Again

I'm cool in spite of having no chill I am the only one of the only people I know Cool in spite of having no chill I just didn't even think about it I saw you and I just didn't even think about it Like many people who probably see us on the street Right Okay first of all some of you may take

for this from us and start to think about it. I've started to think about it. I don't just run up to everyone and you should also start to think about it. However, if you do not think about it and you see me in the street and you come up and you had, it's fine. Does that been happening? Trust me. It's fine. No, I don't

think they're weird. That's why it's fine. Yeah, I think if you walk away and you think it was weird or I didn't like what you said to me or whatever. Get that thought. It's over. I agree with you. I agree with you. The only way it can be bad is if you overstay. I've done that before. If we I have a nice, like...

I have done that before. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. If we have a nice, especially when it's like, hey, nice to meet you, big fan, whatever, it's like, oh, thank you very much. I'll take a picture. I'll even chat for a little bit. But when there's that natural break, you know. I got to go.

You're learning. I got to go somewhere. And that's fine. I'm always late. That's the other thing. I'm always late. So I have a like worried, angry face at myself. Yeah.

If you see me in the street. And I wonder sometimes if people think... No, I was embarrassed myself to be. It is where we're in this industry where we don't, we can be, you know, we're doing it, but we're also fans of each other's work sometimes from afar, or we meet through frenemies or whatever it is, and it's an awkward thing. It's his enemy, my enemy, and your enemy is my enemy. Okay.

And so it's this awkward thing where we've gotten cool and jaded, we don't have to say. But sometimes once in a while there's somebody with a little something that I really, I'm like, I actually fuck with that. And I do do it. I break my rule of like whatever. Not that it's even a rule. I'm just, you're jaded naturally. We do this all the time.

Sure. But sometimes I get to feel that innocence again. I'm like, oh, I'm excited too. And it's just nice to lean in. So I'm glad that you've reassured me that it was nothing. Just like when people see me and they probably spiral. Did I say the right thing that I brought up, you know, this, that. It's all good, baby, baby.

Yeah, that's what I agree. I agree. You know, it's funny that you're always late. I thought I would be late here because, because, you know, You know. A pack day. Yeah. A pack day.

But also, you know, between the subway and, you know. But so I said, well, you message him and say that we're running tight. I was on time. Yeah. See, my on time, I think that's late. I know. Yeah. So that's how I operate.

I'm like. Have you always been? Was that like a, were you maniacal about being on time? Well, my mother, my mother had such a reverence for anybody wealthy growing up. It's just like we had a doctor appointment once a year for school. school. You had to get like a clean bill of health, like a checkup. If the school didn't require it, we never would have been at the doctor. So thank God the school. What school is this? What kind of school is this? What kind of school just whatever public school? I didn't go to public school. No, I went to a Jewish private school, all-girl school and then a regular Jewish school. Gotcha. Public school later. You grew up in Canada? Where did you grow up?

Yeah, I'm, well, I'm born in New York and then I grew up in Montreal. Oh, interesting. So yeah, small Jewish school that required that you could do, you know, whatever. You can go to school. That's good because a private school sometimes they will really, they'll eschew basic health stuff. So it's good they made you go to the doctor. Oh, yeah, this was a good school. This was like a really expensive school that we got subsidy to go on. In Canada.

In Canada, yeah, which by virtue, yes, it's a Jewish perk. I'll say that. I went to a good school. Thank God. By the way, it's been exposed now, but I'll be the first to say. I benefited from that and it was a fantastic education. And thank God it sent me to the. the doctor, but my mother would be there before the doctor was there.

Like, we would take the bus because she didn't want to fuck up us going at the school. They're taking you at the school. This is the type of paperwork you need. We're not paying anything, you know. You can't be someone who can afford a cab or a car. You have to take the bus. Well, yeah, my mother also didn't have a license. We took the bus.

But no, but also she was going to get the paperwork in. She was going to get everything in. They're already taking us free. We don't need problems that she didn't get the medical or whatever else. So we get there and it's like literally seven in the morning Maybe our appointments at night And it's so cold in Montreal You have to understand it's like minus 40

The building isn't open. Doctors, well it's not Yeah, the building's not open. Yeah, we would see them opening the building The security coming, opening the building. I'm like, Ma' the doctor's not here like even And she's like, I brought a book, you. And I remember she just had such a reverence

that this is a doctor. Like even we went to the checkup. It was me. I remember three of my brothers. I have a brother a year old or brother two years older, a brother three years older. Oh, wow. And we would all sit on the doctors.

Is it the bed or the bench? That weird little bench, yeah. That elevated bench with a wax paper. It's weird that it doesn't have its own. It does not have a designation that I can think of. Because I know I've heard of a site or a chaise long. They have fancy names for some of these inter. Inter, is it a chair?

Is it a chair? I think there was a moment where there was like historically couches, there were many different types of couches. People took couch taxonomy a lot more seriously back in the day. Now I think everything's a couch. But that's a bet. Let's say the doctor's bench. With the weird paper, right? Yeah, with the paper.

So we're all in the paper in our underwear. You know, everybody's like... Everyone's lined up. Yeah, everybody's like, you know, 9, 10, 11, 12, whatever. Yeah. Me and my brothers would go. I can't remember what your point. You know, she went, sometimes I went with other siblings, whoever she could take and get the forms done. And we're all sitting there and you had to get weighed and you do the knee thing

and the doctor was a doll and he's so fun. What's he like? Do you remember? I remember my pediatric, Dr. Salihi, shout out to him. Dr. Rothstein, he actually got, we actually went to him. He was free, but he ended up getting Alzheimer's and we were actually still seeing him when he was. But my mother really went to the end. The check up every three times back to back to back.

He forgets he did it already. No, exactly. Like he was already, my mother was like, He's really, but he's a lot of what we have, and he'll sign the paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but we went, and I remember she was going down the line. The doctor was going down the line. My mother's, like, looking at the doctor was like, you know, gets to my brother.

Schmulli was like, he's a hefty boy. Sure. He's, he's doing good. That's a cool name. He's doing good, healthy. I hope he has a wonderful school year. We'll see him next year. You know, they would get to my brother.

Menacham, he's a little small. He's in the, they would give you a percentile. Like, you know, he's a. I remember the percentiles. He's a little on the skinny side. Nothing to worry about. You tell my mother, Connie, nothing to worry about. Just the kind of thing.

Make sure he's finishing his plate. Yeah. That sort of thing. Don't let Schmeli have his dessert. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Schmilly, you know. Rifka, she's looking at my given name.

She's looking average. She's looking good. Okay, kids, I'll see you next year. Have a great year at school. The doctor would leave my mother. Get us, get us! We're like getting dressed And she would pull my brother Monacham's pants

Okay You don't weigh enough Yelling at him like he has anything to do He's eight years old Like he has anything to do with what he weighs Embarrassing me in front of the doctor Because she already felt bad Like we're on welfare

Now she's starving us like we you know She prioritized food My mother was always cooking We always had a ton of food Well how many siblings are we talking here I have nine siblings Nine is nuts Yeah

So you're doing you're doing the like Jewish version of version of being Amish, basically. Exactly. Where it's like, old school. Exactly. So you grew up very traditional, I'm guessing, to like.

Yeah. Just those names is like orthodox as well. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It's like the Kardashians, but poor. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of us.

But yeah, I remember my brother, Manacham, the whole bus ride home. You don't weigh enough embarrassing me in front of the doctor like that. Like, you're the one who feeds it. Like now thinking back and we were all like hitting him. We're like, you don't weigh enough. You fucking piece of shit. You make mom look like it.

idiot in front of the doctors. Who doesn't remember his own name? Literally. Literally. And so the late has a lot to do with the reverence of like, you don't waste a doctor's time. You don't waste somebody wealthy's time. Somebody, anything's time. And now, to me, that's just become, you don't waste anyone.

It's not a bad thing. No, it's not a bad thing. On time is not bad. I think I, Greek culture is not very like beyond time culture. My best, I mean, all my, I hired my friends. friends, right? That's terrible. I can notice that.

Yeah, yeah. You can tell by how unprofessional everything is. And Eldis is Albanian. He's the only non-Greek. And all my, literally my friend who's essentially she handles. By the way, for the rest of us, we think it's the same thing. Yeah. We don't know.

Oh, so I get crazy, Robbie. You know, the different whites over there. No, no, no, Elvis, you take that back. Yeah, yeah. And for the record, Elders is celebrating being thought of as Greek, everyone. I want that on the record as well. No, no. You're trying to get out of white over there.

If the Jews can't get out, you can't get out. They're taking it away from you. Don't worry. It's not really get out of it for Jews. It's, yeah, they give it every, every like 10 years you're up for renewal. I know, literally we got the visa. This decade, it seems like it's out. Seems like it's, you know.

This decade, I think we got the white card. You think you got it. I think what the Trump, from first, from first, election, I think you're kind of up in 26 is really. From 16, once Trump got elected, I feel like they yanked it. Yeah, they might have yanked it. You know what? It's hard to keep track, but you're definitely sitting there with a white card.

But yes, everyone is late. And like literally my, all my friends, even friends of mine who are successful, they're just, and I had that problem. And I've tried to be better about. No, you just have to be who you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the whole thing. It's like, it's like stand up.

Like some people are annoyed or, you know, they, oh, I don't. like this guy. Like, for instance, for me, I love Pete Davidson. Sure. Okay. People were like, oh, you really, I'm like, I really found his special to be just darling. I enjoyed watching it.

Yeah, yeah. I was delighted. I found myself just with a smirk on my face and I enjoyed it. But I'm the complete antithesis to that type of comedian. He's laid back. He's chill. He smokes a sick. He goes up there.

He's just, I write a lot, do a lot, am a lot. It's kind of like you can be the. Pete Davidson chill going in or you can be the Taylor Swift type. You're putting out a lot, you're writing a lot, you're doing a lot, and I like both of them. I'm in a Taylor Swift. Where I try a lot, I do a lot,

but I love the chill dudes who just come out with a guitar too and I can like it both. Just know who you are and that's fine. Well, the Pete Davidson thing is interesting because you know, you say it's antithesis of a comedian, but I could also see... No, antithesis of me as a comedian.

Yes, right. But I mean, even as a person, And to me, what you're describing, your, your upbringing, to me, like a, like, sort of, like, trash-coated, like, East Coast Pete, I'm saying, like, not you. Oh, okay, okay. He's like, you know, the, you know. I was like, what did you say? No, no, no, no, certainly not. I mean, like, a guy who's, like, tattooed, fucking drugs, like, fucks around.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kind of just seems to be a hat, seems to have gotten everything from being a good hang. Yeah. That's the exact opposite to like 12 children that were birthed in an assembly line, a Jewish assembly line. And I was a goodie two shoes and a good student and I've never done drugs. Right. Right, right. Yeah.

And I like it all, but I like them to be, like, I don't want you now that I know you're always late. If you're on time, I'd be worried. I'm like, I want you to be the most you. Like, what I love about people is them being them. Yes. And I would be worried. A real authenticity. Yeah, I would be worried if suddenly you're on time.

I'm like, is he good? Like, is he going through it? Is he sad? Like, that's true, actually. When I'm really on time and really about work, which is actually kind of what we're in the middle of right now, I'm not that happy. Because it's like I've taken time away from my essence

to make sure that work gets done. Yeah, that sucks. No, no, no. You got to be distracted. You've got to be carried away. You got to be, oh, you know, what's that smell? Let's check out what they're cooking in there. I know.

Dinner went late. We had drinks. Then I saw somebody. I ran into an old pal. When you can leave, I do love living my life that way. And actually the great tragedy of success is that it's taken away the ability to just sort of float through life. Really? Which I don't, I want to get back to.

Like I want to plan around being able to just, yeah, because I also definitely identify with my great, I think I'm good at stuff. But I think my good skill is hanging out. Ultimately, it's just. having a good time figuring it out. Well, if you, and I don't want to, I don't want to discourage you from hiring your friends and things like that. But if you hire people who, Elvis is on thin eyes.

Rob me, come on now. There is a world. There is a world in Savvy's world where you hire people who can assume more of the responsibilities. Right, right, right. You can delegate some of the worky stuff to them if they could take on that responsibility, which would free you up to be who you're, supposed to be, which is why people pay to see you in the whole thing for the hang.

So there is a world and Savvy's world where we upgrade the staff or the staff step up. I like to think that. Or the staff step up and understand that he's expressing a need in his life. But she's been bogged down by all the extra work. I love this. And I'll tell you, there's no work without him. You don't have a job without him. Yeah.

Listen to that. Here's the thing, Robbie. If I wasn't here, stop. wouldn't be as grounded as he is. He's grounded plenty. He needs his confidant. That's fine. He's grounded plenty.

I actually do, there is the great trade-off of like having your friends around also means people can actually talk to you like a human being. Whereas like I'm sure you, you know, you see people who in entertainment, it's like they're surrounded by people who depend on them for everything and also can't cross or like can't I can't wait for that. See, I can't wait to sell out as soon as human. possible. I'm sick of all you people and I'm ready for an upgrade.

I'm ready for Delta comfort. I get that. I'm ready. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That is, I mean, just that upbringing, though, is crazy. I mean, that's terrible stuff. It's really bad. We're talking bunk beds? What are we talking? Yeah, bunk beds. Yeah, we're talking bunk beds. We're talking the bunk is

sinking and I'm like, I could get crushed to death. Like, this is a real, like, this is a real concern. I'm like, like, what did your parents do? Nothing. We were on welfare. Oh, wow. Your dad didn't do anything either. My father wasn't in the picture on and off.

Gotcha. My father was in the picture in the beginning and he studied. Well, he was in the picture every nine months or so, it sounds like he would pop back in. But no, they didn't. They gave it all to God. My parents almost like. Super religious. Yeah, it's like they just give it to God.

Like if God wants us to eat, we'll eat. Wow. That's crazy. It's, they give it to God. So, however, we were on welfare and, you know, which is, I love when people like, you know, people take advantage of this and like these people living on welfare. Yes, my parents are retarded. Yeah. But just they had 10 kids.

I'm seven. I'm going, I had nothing to do with this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love to get off the dole. I agree with you. But I can't even work yet. I know. That's my grip.

My big, I actually weirdly, there was a moment in my life where I thought I might do something good for the world instead of selfishly. entertain and I was into welfare policy a lot. That's what I studied. And I couldn't understand why people took it out on the kids. It's like these kids are actually so much, so fucked. Like the odds of these kids are already so fucked that it's like you're going to cut back their fucking parents. Oh, you're really going to show their parents by making sure their kids have an even

shittier life than the parents. It's so fucking stupid. It's like for me to even be sitting here with you and everything I did today. It's like from where I come from, it's just like, Michael Jordan proportions. Absolutely. In terms of, yeah. And it's just, yeah, I agree with you.

My parents are fucked. Probably shouldn't have had that many kids. I agree. There was no, you know, I asked my mother, how did you have all these kids? She's like, it seems like every time I went to bed, I woke up pregnant. I'm like, that's the grossest fucking thing. I've ever heard. Close your legs, bitch.

You've got no, you cannot afford it. 10 kids. And it's like, give it to God. He's not giving you much. No. After the first five, you saw that God wasn't giving anything back. You saw he wasn't given much. At least, you know, I said Amish, but it's like at least the Amish, we're using those kids to build barns.

They're building. Yeah, you weren't doing it. What are you just studying? Ancient texts. It's like not applicable. It's not helpful. Yeah. That's what, I mean, what's your relationship to, are you religious anymore?

Because, you know. Here's the whole thing Gabby says. My wife Gabby says that I'm the most religious, she's ever met. You know, I grew up, now I equate, like, being religious to, like, induced OCD or something, because, like, there's a way to do everything.

There's so many little, like, traditions and laws, you know, for instance, kissing the Mizzouza when you walk into the door, I still do that. I'm not an animal. So there's certain things, you know. But it starts to, the line gets blurry between OCD and religion.

Yeah, yeah, ritual. I think for now, like, if people ask me if I believe in God or whatever, I definitely think there's, I think it's, there's something bigger. I think, you know, when somebody asked me about the afterlife or things like that, I think it's as crazy that we're here living this earth, that there could be an afterlife. Yeah, sure. There's nothing, I don't believe in almost is the thing.

Like, anything you tell me, like, I could get into it because I just don't know anything. But you're not still studying. No, no, no, no, no, I don't do that. But I definitely give it to God, but I don't know what God is. Yeah. Maybe it's an energy. Maybe it's forces. Maybe it's everything coming together.

Just something larger. I don't know. Was there like a definitive moment for you where you were like, because you're primed to, you know, rebel against. Not only is like. Well, I remember the first time I ate not kosher. Oh, okay. Because growing up as a kid. Yeah.

All the non-Jewish kids after school, whatever, they had like a McDonald's happy meal. Yeah. And it was in that little house. Sure. I remember the house big time. And as a kid, I'm just like. I want a happy meal. I can't be happy too.

Yeah. It's literally called a happy meal. We felt like we were like denied happiness. What are your lunches looking like? What's mom packing in there? A peanut butter sandwich. Poor saltine crackers. And now Gabby says that all the snacks I like are so Soviet Union because I like,

I'll take a sleeve of saltines with some peanut butter and call it a day. I just don't understand. Yeah. She's like, I haven't seen saltines in so long. No, that is a complete poverty food. Yeah. So, but, you know, I still, I love the, anyway. And if I'm splurging, I'll do the writs.

You know, I like to, the ritz is the upgrade to me. The rits is the upgrade. Yes, yes, yes, sure, sure, sure. That's flexing. But, wait, what were we just saying? The rebellion, the first time you ate not kosher. No, so I really, all I wanted was like a nugget throwing up. Like, just a waft of that smell.

Oh, they were the best. Right. So then I remember I was, I was. in college in in in montreal i went to after high school you have something called seagip it's like anyway i was in college yeah it's like a year program yeah it's like a year program but you do university for three years and you do this year program year or two program interesting before anyway then they call that college and then university uh-huh um so i was i was studying and i was starving i just had an exam no i had like an eight o'clock or something

and what are we studying in college accounting accounting really i mean We're just... Well, because I didn't think I was going to go to school. Yeah. So, because my mother would, you know, we weren't taught to dream or anything. If anything, we were discouraged. My mother would say, school's not for everyone. School's not for everyone?

Because it was like, you know, a racket. It was expensive. She always got us into this private school, but that was going to be it. And so the, so what's the goal as growing up? Because our thing... They weren't going to let us in free there. We went to a Jewish private school that let us go for free. And they reminded us every year.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just, it was horrible. But what's your mom? Like, what do they want for? for you, I guess. Nothing. There was no expectations of us. Really?

Zero. So they're just, to them, like, their base, they're just existing. And to them is what you do is just have 10 kids. Like, it's insane to me to have that many kids without. There's no thought. Being like, I mean, it's not like, zealots have that many kids. But your parents sound like sort of like ambivalent zealots. Like, it's the weirdest combination of anything I can think of.

There was no thought. Like, you know, people read parenting books and this and that. There was no, there was not a thought. But there wasn't even like... Even when I got into school, I remember being 18, I was like, my, I applied to school, I got it. She goes, I can't do all that. You'll have to pay for your own bus pass if you move out.

And so that was it. That's fascinating that they wouldn't want you to go to fucking school. They want you to work. Get a job. Right. We just didn't... Was the plan that you would stay at home and everybody pulls the resources? No, everybody moved out at 17 or 18.

Everybody moves out. Yeah. This is the most bizarre setup I've ever heard. You're like, I was fully a grown-up. by like seven. I mean, I remember being five years old and changing my brother's diaper. My brother, I was small in my family, and one of my little brothers was as big as me, but he was a year, a year and a half younger.

Yeah, yeah. And I remember he must have been three and he was like potty training, but sometimes he would need a diaper at night or a pull-up, and I would hoist him onto the table, get his legs up, and I'm only five. I mean, that's much. So we were really respected and talked to us, you know, There's a parentified aspect, certainly, to it. But there was also a respect to it.

My mother, the school called me because I had trouble. You know, being the poor kid at the rich school, it's I always like was, it just felt uncomfortable all the time. You're not just the poor kid. You're also the weird kid, I would guess. Thank you. Because it's like, because you have fucking all your siblings. It's terrible.

They're the poor ones and there's fucking 18 of them. Yeah, and my brothers were always getting in trouble for, like, violence. Like, they were always, like, beating each other up. And I was like, you know, I was their sister. And it was just. And my mother, though, let's say they would call the school. My mother would be like, she's your responsibility from eight to four. That's nuts.

Like when my mother would say what happened at school, my mom, that teacher, she's fucking crazy. And she's like, I know she's crazy. She is. She's off. I met her. She's off. But can you just be good? This is such, my mother was like, please just shut up and listen to her.

This is an amazing opportunity for you. Don't you know? Don't you know this could be a great opportunity? She must have been young, right? Your parents have kids? Yeah. So it's like, did it feel like they're your roommates more than anything? No, it just felt like I remember being 10 and looking around and seeing my mother and being like, I got to get out.

Yeah. There's nothing doing it. This is not good. Are there uncles, aunts? Is there any shining light in the family? I had an uncle Rob in Vermont, but we didn't see him often. And that's how I get my name, Robbie. Because when I was starting to do stand-up, I had this accounting job.

And the reason, again, and see, we came back to it very naturally, see? I'm a weaver, but we've come back. I grew up so poor that when I got into school, and we were taught school was a scam, which it is. It is. And my mother was right. But she said, like, you have to, you know, what are you going to, if you go to school, it has to be for something you don't know how to do.

So you're, you know, art, you go to the library, take out books. What do you need? It's all free. So I asked the academic advisor, what's the least amount of school for the most amount of payoff. And she said, if you go into accounting, they'll give you a job this summer. You could get paid internship. So that really spoke to me.

And then I interviewed at an accounting firm and they gave me a laptop for keeps. I was like for keeps. And so they gave me the laptop. I was in. Wow. And that was my first time having the laptop, which imagine how people ask me like, what's your life like now? You're having such a moment.

I've had so many moments. One was when I got my laptop. It's not like the other kids didn't have a laptop. Every kid but me had a laptop. Wow. Holy fuck. So it's not even like I grew up, oh, there was no laptops. Everybody had a laptop. It was bizarre to be printing the teacher's lesson.

And then I would print the slides and then write notes on them instead of directly in the notes on the slides. And what's entertainment like even? You don't have a laptop. Is there like a one TV that everybody shared? We had one TV. Were they strict about what you could watch? Nothing. Watched everything.

My mother was, she was asleep. Well, first of all, we weren't as religious by this point by the time that we're sharing the one TV. My mother left this community. Oh, yeah, because your dad's not around. Yes. So my parents' marriage fell apart. That's when we moved to Canada. Remember I said about trash coated?

Let's take the coated out. Let's just go ahead and. Yeah. You don't. People don't think there's white, everyone, people don't think of Jewish trash. No. They don't think of it. But by the way, and they shouldn't think of it.

I didn't think of it. Right. I go, how do you even get, how are you even poor and Jewish anymore? I remember growing up and looking my mother, how do you even get poor and Jewish anymore? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's almost unheard of. Yeah. It's like she had to go out of her way to fuck up so bad.

True. Like we were so close. You hear you're born in New York. You're like, that's pretty good. Oh, it's Jewish. Okay, shit is looking up. Yeah, yeah. Welfare? What the fuck went down?

Yeah, yeah. Where did we go wrong? Totally. Because if you had stayed in New York, at least, like you're at least in the weird insular religious community, which is fucked up in its own right, but it's like something, you know, there's something going on there. You guys were so, and it's like,

the way you're describing is no man's land. Yes, we were the most New York kids to move to Canada ever. And we went to this new, with this, some of us got, most people went to public school, but a few of us were able to go to this, what my mother thought was like this great school, private school, and it was a very good school, and thank you, Ma.

I'm not resentful if you're listening, which she's not. But I'm just saying that, you know, it was a bizarre, it's a bizarre, you know, it made me feel way poorer than I ever was. Sure. You know, I'm like, oh, I would come home from school, I'd be like, oh, it's really bad here. Like, I'm like, Mom, it's like, somebody's got to be thinking about this.

So that's why I ended up in accounting because gave me a job. I was paid every two weeks. And also, to go back to that, you're studying for accounting, what is this first meal, this non-cocha meal? Wow, look at us weaving in. You're actually an underrated podcast.

Thank you. And I know you're pretty, like people think that, oh, you're really, you know, you're up there, everybody knows about it. He could actually have more. Thank you. No, he could actually have more. Sometimes they say people are, yeah.

I'll so I was I had an exam probably like an 8 to 10 or a 10 a very early exam and I was starving after and there was no kosher food by my school. It was downtown now I was a commuting downtown and there's big jurisdiction in Montreal. There's a population but it's you know it's insular like anything else you get kosher food you have to sure and I was starving and I was just kind of looking up in those McDonald's there. And I said, that's it. That is it. I am sick of this. And I walked in and I heard about the Egg McMuffin. Wow.

Oh, nice. From Big Daddy. Of course. Big Daddy's a great movie. And I thought, in my head, I thought, breakfast is closing. I don't know what time. Thank God they were open. It was probably, it had to be before 11 at the time.

I get there. I said, breakfast is still this. They said, breakfast is still serving. And I got egg McMuffin with baking. Wow, you went the whole With bacon. Yeah, yeah. And I got the two little lotcas, the hash brands.

That's a good breakfast. And it was unbelievable, and I had it every day for a month. And my first job, I started working at McDonald's, and I ate McDonald's every day. Whatever, the internship. No, this was before. The internship was after college. Okay, so your first job was McDonald's? Yes.

hilarious so you go from eating and that was the first meal every single day the first non-coacher meal first non-coacher meal I had was egg and you kept it going I just was that was it we weren't kosher yeah and nothing happened and it was fine yeah I mean I don't know still sure but yeah yeah yeah I'm open come on you could be playing the long game I know I know you're giving you all this cool stuff no and I already feel like I'm gay I got to be careful like you know I'm getting away with murder yeah yeah absolutely I'm getting a way. But I do feel like, even with coming out gay and I've been kosher, like

for some reason my relationship with God, whatever there is, I feel like if there is a God, like, I feel like he fucks with me. Like, I feel like he's just like, what are you going to do? It's Ravi. Like, I feel like he doesn't really, like, he's not as hard on me. Like, he's like, well, that's Robbie. Like, I feel like we get along.

We just, like, we just respect each other and that's just how it is. That's a very interesting look at it because it's like, is that your way of processing, having good luck, you know what I mean? Because like your circumstances are one thing, also just entertainment in general. I mean, I struggle with that too where I'm like, the way I process it is just like,

I won a lottery ticket essentially. Yes, exactly. So, but I don't think of that as me and God are boys. You know what I do? I think he fucks with you. You know what? I'm getting word in now. And I think he's like, Delma come over.

I'll hang, yeah. I'm down to chat with God, but. He just went grocery shopping. I'm skeptical. Stock house. Yeah. No, I always feel like he just, so maybe, and maybe that's, you know, when they say, first of all, people are allowed to tell us that, that, that Jesus spoke to them.

God fucks with me. How's that? Sure, sure. How's that? I guess you have as good a, you have as good a case for it as anyone. Thank you. I appreciate that. I think so.

Thank you. Are you doing the best out of all the siblings, would you say? Everybody is doing, thank God. Really good. Really well. I think actually, randomly. my mother ended up, the non-parenting ended up being the best thing to suit us for this world because nobody was hungry than us.

Yeah. You know, and I think she ended up being the best example. I think she knew subliminally or subconsciously or even didn't know and it was accidental, which is probably the case, that she wasn't going to be around and that she was spread very thin. But she did shit that really, my mother valued a few things. We were going to be fed. That's where my brother, being skinny, really,

because she really was cooking all the time. And she made food last, and she made big crock pots of shit and whatever. And what do we give us a sample menu? Stu, like it's all the chalunt. It's, you know, I would see that crock pot. I would come home. We eat a huge, I don't know, like that's dinner for the next nine days.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It made me sick. But anyway, now I love it. What's in it? It's like beef and carrots, whole carrots. Classics do. Yeah, not like the little mini, like the big dildo carrots, like huge chunks of whole potatoes.

But with the racist Looney Tune cartoons where they would go to Africa and they would put bugs in it and bugs bunny in and chop up the potatoes and carrots. Oh, yeah, no, that's sort of what you were having. Exactly, exactly. You get the big witch, the big witch spatula or whatever. And a whole side of beef sounds pretty good. But we were going to be fed. We were going to be sheltered.

Yes, there's cockroaches. Yes, there's a roof. of your head is there not sure okay and then we were going to be educated my mother any free program we were at the library every weekend she let us take out whatever she didn't monitor um and later on taking out videos

from the library and one thing she did was for her break for her grown-up time once a week she went back to school hmm interesting she my grandfather would come over and she'd like please don't burn my house down yeah yeah and and she would just go to school

And then one year when I was graduating university, and one of my sisters was in university also, we're all close in age. My mother was suddenly graduating. Whoa. And we're like, what? The bitch is graduating? But after 12 painstaking years of taking one evening class,

every week through the summers, the bitch had enough credits. And we're like, I just, for some reason, always thought she'd be, but she and I think it's something like that that tenacity which she never spoke of and nothing and even told the school's not for everyone

she never even thought she would finish that sort of lesson she ended up leading by example yeah accidentally so probably it was just to get her mind off of to have one night outside the house your life is so bad that taking school is your like escape she's such a nerd I know she's such a nerd

She loved it. She had me away from my fucking malnourished 11 children. By the grace of God, graduated and got an undergrad. In what? What was she studying? Just history, yeah, just, yeah, art degree. What did she do when it was like when everyone was gone from the house? Did she have a second act?

I have a brother at home. Gotcha. Yeah, there's a lot. They're not everyone. In fact, she lives with my brother, but she helps my niece, who's amazing. but people have family and she's, you know, in a big grandma role. Oh, yeah. So, yeah.

Grandma, going right into the grandma role. Yeah, she's, and she, yeah, so. Yeah, my mom's the same way where now my brother had a kid and it's the most, it's exact. It's like she, she won, she's happier doing that. Like she, my mom does want to go to school too and like, I told her. Well, she always said that. And I told her, like, yeah, go to school. Like, I was like, I'll pay for whatever you want to do.

It's too late now. She just would rather hang out with a baby. She's just like the baby's the man. Like the fuck do I want to go study for? But I know what you mean about that tenacity Because that's how I feel about my mom Where it was like There's shit, she was working at a certain point

Two jobs, we have, you know, three kids And it was just like that example of like, oh This shit, her life is bad. Like it's tough. And it never is just, she's stopping It's not even a consideration in a way where Whenever I'm like frustrated, with like shit being too busy or whatever.

I'm like, if my mom could do what she did for 20 years, it's like, who keeps a fuck? I'm so lucky. I'm literally living one of the greatest lives I've heard about recently and it happens to be mine. Like, I can't believe it. Heard about. Like you hear about these lives? You know what I mean? Their life must be great.

I let go to bed with Gabby. I'm like, this is outstanding. Yeah, yeah. And having money, like it's so much better. Like that ruse of like, oh, well, my life. Money doesn't make you happy. I am here to dispel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is so much better. It really helps. It really helps. Yeah, when you grow poor, you know. To be able to help your family and to go to sleep at night. I mean, it's just much nicer. Yeah. Much nicer.

It's not in day. That even comparing that makes no sense. Yeah, yeah. Well, they have to say that so they keep people poor. Yeah, exactly. The richest people say that. And I'm telling you, get the money. Yeah.

If you can, they're keeping us from it. But by the grace of God, one or two get out. So we're like the fucking cockroaches. According to Robbie, God likes both of us. He must not like you guys. That's what I'm getting. I don't know what you did to piss him off. But interesting.

And then, yeah, so was there like a, so that's the first kosher thing. Yes. First breaking of kosher, which feels very symbolic. But was there like a great, I mean, changing your name coming out? Like, was there like a. a very, was there a real, like, did you feel like, was it just a gradual? It was a gradual. It was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's definitely, it's like a transition. Yeah. You know, sure. That they get their surgeries. Sometimes they start wearing a skirt. Then they get a surgery, then this. And then they become the women that they are. Sure.

It was like that, but really, yeah. And there's still things that my mother, you know, my mother is still kosher, for instance. There's still things like back home, like not everything has been shed. And obviously at our house, like, you know, even though I went to a less religious Jewish school in Montreal, we were still the most religious kids at that school. But to us, it felt a lot less.

You know, like, you would think it's fanatic, but I'd be like, you don't even know fanatic. Have you been, you know what I mean? We're not reading by a candlelight. We're not reading them. Exactly, exactly. But to us, it felt lessen. So it was a slow, gradual thing like that,

almost like a transition. Yeah, yeah, I get that. Yeah, into a secular life. Yeah. And so what was like did you stay in after like Montreal or whatever? Like you're you didn't stay with accounting that longer, did you? No, I was in accounting for like three years. And no, it was degraded because I was like, I'm getting paid every two weeks.

Yeah. A paycheck. Salary job, bro. Yeah, yeah. So that's the first time that I started even thinking stand up or anything. I never thought what I like. All I like was money. You had your basic needs met for the first time.

Yeah, so I was sleeping. And then I heard about stand up. Then I was like, okay. You know, because in Montreal they had the biggest festival there. Right. So I thought I'd just do the festival. Go up to them and they were like that. You know what I mean?

But I didn't really know of it. Of course. At all. Cool town. I love Montreal. And also very like, it feels not just secular, but like sort of like European kind of horny, kind of evil in certain ways.

It's the best. It's the best. And you know what? It's so cool that Montreal is my hometown now because I get to bring Gabby home to Montreal. And she brings me back to Denver and I've listened. There's no problem. But I'm just saying it's cool in your hometown.

It's Montreal. Montreal's way better. And you're eating like a king for a dime. Like the dollar goes crazy. It's just... We had a great time. That was where a guy gave me, he threw a 5,000 milligram edible. Okay.

On stage. That checks out. Took a little nibble and I was fucked up for three days. But before it kicked in, we had a great day having a pastrami, having walking around. It's unreal. The green something of the place was called. Green Avenue or something like that.

Anyway, great stuff. Fantastic. I'm a big fan of Montreal. It's amazing. Yeah. Yeah, I love Montreal too. I forget what you were asking. No, I was just talking about like, yeah, it's just sort of like more, I guess it just doesn't

sound like you ever really took a hard rebellious stance it was more just like because i guess it was your upbringing is not as well it felt like the rebellion it wasn't like like i could be who i wanted or whatever i guess being gay was a hard one because i'm like no not another thing like i didn't i didn't grow up thinking i was gay i'm already annoying my family yeah i don't think i was you know i didn't grow up i was a kid for a long you know i was very kid like as a kid i wasn't you know i always feel like I'm either seven years old or I'm 73 years old. Oh, I feel like I'm like... You skip sex either way.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like innocent or old person, you know what I mean? But by the way, yeah, I, I, I, I, we're making up for everything. Don't even worry. I don't get into it. My wife doesn't love when, but listen, I'll just say this. My wife had 25 boyfriends three years ago and we got it done. Yeah, now she's gay.

So, yeah, there's something, you know, interesting. Sure, sure. Yeah, yeah, you're getting your money's worth. But, no, I don't know. I think the hardest thing for me was having that good accounting job and then realizing like comedy, I was like, for all being gay, I'm like, oh, I don't want, my mother's already this hearing impaired, single mother of 10 kids on welfare. I'm living on my own.

I just don't need another thing right now. I could marry rich. I was getting good dick back then. Really? Yes. You were dating like rich guys? The rich boys in the community. There was rich Jews.

I remember I went to this school. Of course. That I had all these rich families. And our big hope was I would get into one of them. Yeah. Oh, really? How many girls in the family? First of all, I'm low-key pretty.

Yeah. People don't know. I have a pretty thing about me. Yeah, sure. In a certain way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could kill it in another way. It's like my sister sees me wearing clothes like this.

Yeah. And she goes, it's like you choose to look ugly. Yeah. Like they think, but you're so pretty with your figure, what I would wear. Right. Like, they think I don't, like I'm not into myself. Yes. Yes.

is what they think. Yeah. Right. Okay. So there was a chance for me to do that. You were the one they were dangling out there to the rich families. Then when I'm gay, I go, I got to make money. Right.

I got to get cash. Yeah, yeah. So then I get this accounting job. I'm paid every two weeks. The work is boring, but it's fine work. It's not so different. They're not doing much. Okay.

Yeah, it really isn't. And then the comedy, I heard about it and I thought I'll do it, but I didn't think it was anything. Sure. But then I knew, but then I was good at it. Mm-hmm. and it oh my god now I have to do it like I wouldn't wish you're calling on my worst enemy it was very difficult for me to say I have to leave this job right that finally I have everything

to lose I have a job paying me every two weeks it's all I ever wanted was money coming in yeah money coming in and that must not been in the grand scheme of your life we're talking that's what three years four years where you felt like you had things figured out yeah and then you had a and then you're like oh great now I'm going to just completely completely fuck this up yeah I felt like I had lots to lose my job because I never even dreamed of having a job like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember my mother, because I worked at a big building downtown.

It's a big firm, KPMG. I got an internship, then I got hired. Okay. And I remember my mother told my brother to apply for a job at my building, and he showed up with a basket of oranges. And I was like, Schmo, why are you here? He's like, he's like, Ma said you guys might be hiring. I'm like, I went to school for this.

Like, that's, I like, no, I got a degree for this. We're not just like Willie and what are the oranges? He's like, is this nice to come with something? I mean, this is weirdest thing to come with. This is like Ellis Island's level thinking. Like tenement, tenement lowery side in the 1900s. He shows up.

It's like cold. He's got this basket, like a wooden basket, literally of oranges. Yeah. I'm not going to come empty hand. This has for a job. It's like you, it was just so bizarre. Yeah. I'm fascinated about the like the, where you were you ever in a series?

serious relationship back then with one of these rich guys or you were just kind of dating around? No, you know what? I wasn't, I've given, you know, I was kind of dating a friend of mine. I had them around. I knew they were available. You know, I had like a guy friend confessing his love to me every three, four years. Did you like that feeling? I did it. To me, it was a backup plan. And I would ask them, I'd say worst case scenario. This is what I said with one of them. My friend did. I said, I said, worst case scenario, if I'm in destitute stuff. Okay, and you see I finished school, we're in school. Would you give me $88,000?

That's the most money. To me, 100 felt pigish. Yes, yes, yes. I would never ask 100. But just 88 felt classy. And like I could live on that for a long time. Right, right, right. So I said, worst case scenario, would you give me 88?

And I would make them shake on it. Yeah, sure, sure. And this 88 to marry them or just? No, just if I'm in Dess, if you really love me. Right, right. Oh, you just wanted a cash infusion of 88. Yeah, like you're telling me you love me. Well, what would you do?

What does that mean? Right, right, right. 88 to me, pure cash, that seems a little high. Well, by the way, and there's some of them I should, well, I can't call it now. Yeah. And by the way, they might need 88. I'm happy to help. Happy to help.

I'm happy to help. Call me. We'll see what we can do. Okay, so you had the kosher moment. Was there a similar game? gay moment where there was like, it was McDonald's. Who's the girl version of McDonald's for you? Italian girl.

This was at college. It was all happening at this time. We were going, right? And I didn't want to be gay. I never would. I was outed brutally. I don't think I ever would have come out. I appreciate and respect a closeted individual.

There is a dignity to it. There is a dignity to it. There is a dignity. You have a private life. Excuse me. Right, right. You could say, no, I'm just private. No, exactly.

It's like I was just saying, you know, my sister always said, if you're a grown-up who likes Disney, there's some things you can keep private. I agree. Disney adults 100% should be closeted. Yeah, yeah, this is something in private life. Absolutely. Okay, so that's what I felt about it.

But I was brutally outed. What happened? I was, I was, it was like the end of the year and students were all. got to go to this student bar and there was like picture sales and everybody was putting in whatever money they had and I went to the bathroom

with my girl, I said you don't talk to me in person like you don't look at me you don't anything. This is the Italian girl. Yes, yes. Okay. And she would do graffiti and stuff and she would be like, oh, spot me.

I'm like, I'm going to be the one narking on you. Beautiful building in Montreal. You think you're tag? The building is 400 years old. This is a masterpiece of architecture. Yes, absolutely. And they think their little tag. Her tag is what's going to complete the building.

Right, right, right. In any event. And then we were in the bathroom and we were making out in the stall. Classic. Classic stuff. And then it opens the stall. Like we were like lunged out of it because people were coming in and out and the doors weren't. And we were caught embracing.

Oh. And this bitch Carrie, a rich girl, saw. And it was like a walk to remember the next day it felt like when I walked into school in the cafeteria. In college. Yes. But our college, again, it's like pre-college. Okay. And it was very segregated like a prison.

It was a Jew calf. I'm not making this up. If you went to Dawson in the comments, confirm this. They call it the Jew's. And then there was Conrad's, all the Italians. There was a black floor. Sure, sure, sure. It was extremely segregated.

The Jew cap was one room on the third floor. The main floor was Italians and black kids and just generally cooler people. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Okay, and then we were on the third floor. It was cool segregation. It was cool segregation. So I walked into the cafeteria and you couldn't really be in the different calves. It was weird. That's why, because

like my Italian go. So what happens if you go get a slice of pizza and sit down? No, they would like, yeah, they would kind of give, like, look at you. Like if I just went to the Italian floor, they would kind of just be like, well, who do you know here? And I couldn't say the one dike that they

had, because that would out of me. We each had one. You know what I mean? Let me ask you this. Not to be indelicate. What's your personal style at the time? Because you think you're being... I was feminine with a hint. Fem hint, okay, yeah, yeah.

If you're really paying attention. If you're really paying attention, I thought the converse were given something. Right, right, right, right, right. But especially being caught with the other, she was a little more advanced than I. I see, I see, she was wearing a lot of layers, and I would tell her to calm down on the layers.

Right, right, right. It was outing everybody. Yeah, yeah. And she, so if I was just, if she was the Italian, I knew on the Italian floor, it's over for me. And Italians of Jews talk too. Right. We wouldn't hang out on the same calves, but everybody had classed together.

So you could have your school friends, but then when you had lunch... This is insane. When you had lunch, you ate lunch separately. But in class, you could be friends with anyone you wanted. I was friends of all kinds of people. This is how it was. Segregated lunch rooms. Everything was segregated.

And then Montreal's like very multicultural, but segregated. It's like the weirdest thing. So... There's something to do that. There's communities. Super old. Yeah. in terms of being, like, diverse.

If you started being diverse in the 1700s, you were also kind of segregate. You're saying, that's what our place was. It's like, you know. So I, I walked through my cafeteria, and it felt like a walk to remember where her nudes were leaked and everybody is looking at her. I felt like, that's a dyke.

Yeah. And I felt that because I was like, we knew one other lesbian, and I was the kid who went when that lesbian walked in the calf, I'm like, look at that dyke. I was the internalized. I've had everything internalized. Like, you name internalized homophobia, check,

internalized trans, check, internalized, check, check. Entromanage. Everything is check, check, check. Yep, yep, yep. And I wouldn't have it any other way. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Were those all phases?

Are you still rocking with all that internalized self-fetry? I think you rock with all of it, but it's also like, I play, you know, for instance, it's like some people yell at me about they, them, you know, I can yell about they them, right? So I play whatever, I'll code switch where I need to show other people that they're annoying like me. For instance, if they them, first of all, when I was roped into the they them community, I was again like not another thing.

Sure, sure, sure. I'm like, I'm already born into one of the most annoying communities that ever was. Now I've got to be part of the next most annoying community. Yeah, you're right. You got to let. Jewish plus non-binary is a tough combo. You've got to let up on me. You've got, I'd love a cool community.

Something, right? So you read both, though, is the problem. I read both. Thank you. You're not going to be able to hide either one. It's terrible. So when I, you know, and people get mad at me, oh, you know, you're making fun of the, you know. They them, yes, I know it could be used in a single, they, them, it flopped.

I've talked about this. And I know that they them is, yes, people complain it's plural. I know that it can be used singular in a fashion. If somebody hits you and you didn't see who hit you, you'd be like, they hit me. Right, right, right. Or somebody was standing in line in front of the 7-Eleven or something with you. You'd be like, they were here first. I get that.

But predominantly it's not used. You said it would be an easy lift. It's not. It's been cumbersome and people didn't catch on. It's locked. We have to be honest. But that at the same time, I went to a dinner, like a, you know, a Shabbat dinner where they had like an old Jew there who was like,

why they then? What are they doing with they them? I don't understand it. I said, bitch, you don't understand space travel either. Right, right, right. There's a lot you don't have to understand. Yeah, sure. Just because you don't understand it.

Yeah, you're old. You don't know shit. Yes, yes, yes. So I kind of push back where I need to in both senses. You want to be the most. conservative member of the community. In what sense? You want to be the they

in the non-whatever gender fluid. You want to be the one being like, guys, come on, let's... I don't want to be anything. You don't want to be anything. I just want equal opportunity for everyone. Right. But you... Or not even like... I don't even want... You know what? I don't know what I don't want

or thing. I'm just... Sure, sure. You're just making a value judgment. You're making like this big thing, like this big professional. There's nothing profound. I just, I said some shit. And I do, I know what you mean in terms of you're making a value judgment on it almost as like, as an advertising firm for they, them. You're saying like, it didn't go the way we wanted to.

We didn't, exactly. We're still sticking with it. We're still sticking with it. If you're doing they them, yes, I will do it. Yeah. It was a flop. Nobody came to me. And I have some good marketing ideas.

We didn't, nobody, we didn't even throw out some alternatives. We didn't. We went with the plural. Somebody in some marketing room went hard with it, and they didn't consult some of the front-facing members. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Members, and then I can't do it. I got a sick she-heer.

And then you left me. She heard the last she-her on the motherfucking planet. Right, right, right, right. Because I can't take it another annoying thing. I can barely, this one's been hard enough. Do you think if your personality was different, you could go to them? If it wasn't, if you weren't as, like you said, no chill. If I had more chill, it's possible.

But I'm running up to stab. I can't also be they, them. I can't be like, hey, stab, I'm a huge fan of my pronouns. Oh, my pronouns are they then. You're like, bitch, I didn't even want to say hi to you. It's like, it's too much. That's overstaying. Too many things I understand.

That's too many things. I do get that. I do get that. Well, I think that that's a beautiful philosophy to have, and I think it's going to really help. I'm sure Elders has a lot. lot of questions queued up that your expertise will help. It is a bizarre upbringing.

I had no idea. It's very bizarre. I thought generally, you know, if I had to guess, you know, I just heard you talk about having siblings, you know, I would see it. Things pop up where you're having a lot of siblings. I have friends who grew up in like those Orthodox communities and I just thought we were dealing with much more straight down the line left, a very religious community. But you got a whole other bunch of other stuff going on.

Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not that, like, clean cut, grew up in a repressive environment and rebelled. Very, it's much different than that. Yeah, no, it really was a hodgepudge. So it's very, and we should say, by the way, special is out right now on Netflix. My special on Netflix is already streaming. Robbie Hoffman, wake up and I don't want to sound out of line here,

but I think it's one of the greatest stand-up specials recorded in recent history. I love that. I would tell you that if it wasn't mine and I'd be. If it wasn't mine and I thought the same thing. I'm being as a... I'm telling you. Because, by the way, I've been in plays before I go... By the way, he asked me to be in his play.

It's not a good play. Don't come. I would tell you if it wasn't good. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? So... Directed by our pal John Mullaney, one of the funniest people of all time.

One of the legends. And people won't believe it, but he asked me. Yeah. He heard Netflix was percolating about a special for me, and he called me begging me to direct it. The people will not believe. But I'm telling... I'm not hearing.

to lie to you. You watch it for yourself and you tell me. Yeah, yeah, I believe it. Watch the special on Netflix right now and let's take some calls, little eldest. He doesn't. He's sorry. I'm calling because I'm 19. I've been in our relationship with this guy for like six months. Everything's like going okay. Like I love him, but we had this issue about three months ago about guy friends.

I have had my friends like my entire life, specifically these two who I've been very close. He asked me to block them and I said, This guy's an abuse. This guy's controlling him I would and then I didn't end up blocking them. You have to block him. You have to go to the police immediately. And we need, this is where we need the minority report squad. We have to at 19.

Get him at 19. No, that's unacceptable. Controlling behavior. Definitely. How much more we got here? Hold on. Like, we're very close. Nothing weird has happened.

I was a lesbian for eight years and I wasn't. So, like, these guys, like... Wait, she said she was 19. She was living for eight years? She said she was a lesbian for eight years. But she's 19. Yeah, yeah. Okay, anyway, let's finish it.

What is she, a nine-year-old lesbian? At a time when I was like very... It's weird to attribute a child with sexual, like even a heterosexual boy or girl. Like, I wouldn't even say, oh, it's a straight boy. I know you mean... Right, like a gay. I know you mean.

Sometimes, like, there's that curb beer enthusiasm episode where the... He's dating the woman and he gives her son a... What do you call it? The... What do seamstress use? A sewing machine? machine.

And the kid is a very flamboyant. Like sometimes you will see little gay boys, I think. Sometimes where you're like, the only one that I feel comfortable being like that's attributing any sexual either job is a little gay boy who's just like, you know, like that kid from the, from the, generally I agree. Yeah. It's like these are children either way. Yeah, it's bizarre.

So go on. I mean, she's self-attributing. So fine. I guess she knows. In some men. Like, I didn't really think anything of it. Anyway, like, you found out about it. like went to my phone, freaked out, and it keeps coming up.

And now he, like, doesn't want me to, like, talk to guys or be around guys. I mean, this is not. Which is difficult because, like, they're just everywhere. He wants to go to my phone. He has the passwords to every single, like, me on my social media. My friends say he's being controlling. He is. Yes.

This is like, guys, this is it. This is not even a debate. If you do listen to this, leave him now. This is not like a joke. It's not like it is controlling. You're not like. oh, it's just one opinion. This is the, this is the opinion.

Yeah. Are we missing anything eldest, or is this just a kid who's kind of... It will only get worse, and I'm just shame on you being a quote-unquote lesbian for eight years and not knowing better on men. Shame on you. She was a child. She was an 11-year-old. Shame! But yes, the fact that she's 19 is the only reason this is even a question.

Lesbians have been skeptical of men for a long time. It takes a lot less than this for us to say leave. Of course. I also, who knows, identifying. that way's a weird move for a kid to do. She's a child. She's just, like, basically, this is insane behavior. Insane, insane. The only reason this isn't, like,

even scarier is because he's a fucking idiot child as well. And so, hopefully he figures this shit out. If this is the behavior of, like, a 30-year-old, this is, like, call the police legitimately. Literally call the police and blocking and having passwords. Nuts. That's insane. He can't have your passwords.

By the way, I'm married. We don't look like, honestly, it's just either you trust or you don't. I think anybody looking, I draw, like, if somebody really wanted to see my phone, sure, but it's like, every time, if my phone's off and Gabby and Gabby and I are cuddling and she could see what's on my phone, fine. She doesn't care. But somebody requiring all of your passwords. Right. Here's the thing.

If you're in a relationship and it's going fine. and you know, you have some app on your phone that they don't have, and you just throw it to them and they look through it and they like, yeah, who cares? But if somebody's like, hey, can I see your phone real? Like, that's the weird, is wanting to do it. If you happen to see, you should be able to just randomly look at your wife's phone and she should be able to randomly look at your phone.

Yeah, exactly. But when your significant other requires a huge, right, and look, this is a 19, this is also a fucking young, stupid kid. This call was the equivalent of a whole red flag. First of all, even you think the whole call is a red flag. Even the fact that you called into staff is a fucking red flag. Absolutely. Every aspect of this.

It didn't get better. It got worse. You're the lesbian. The phone. The guy friends. But I love him. But it's three months. Get rid of it.

But the 19. There's not one green flag. There's no, nothing here. Here. In general, at this age, it's like if there's anything even sort of wrong, it's like just move on, you're young, right? Age even aside, if you were 90, I would tell you the same thing. So totally he's right.

At 19, forget it. At 19, there's even stuff that maybe you could work through older, but this is legitimately, best case scenario, this kid is just, look, I also know what it's like to be a 19-year-old, like, boy and have a girl you love so much, like you're obsessed over that. Yeah, that I... You've got to go through that obsession, love phase. and there was definitely like my first girlfriend in college.

I was like, yeah, I was like weirdly attached and worried. And you have to get over, like hopefully this guy is just young and stupid and he's got to get over this. Yes. That's the best case scenario. Either way, worst case scenario is he's like a budding abuser. And by the way, you breaking up with him helps him learn faster for the next one. And he's got to work on his emotions and his jealousy and whatever he's insecure about. He needs to work on that regardless.

And you need to get out and you need to work. work on why the hell you can't see any red flags ever. Totally. And also thinking it's appropriate to give him these passwords. Like you're already sort of in the web here. I'm worried sick about her. Either way, this has to end. You've got to get the fuck out of here.

And you have to set better boundaries for yourself. And this guy hopefully has to fucking like understand he's behaving like a fucking And he will in due time. Yeah, we're all allowed, especially at that age. These first relationships are so do or die. I mean, I remember after my first breakup, I lost nine pounds. I'm in no position never have been in a position to lose any weight. But it's just, it really is, you have to go through it.

Yeah. So break his heart, the sooner you break his heart, the better he'll become. Hopefully. Oh, yeah. It's also fucked, I mean, this fucked up behavior. And like, the other thing is like somebody who's this controlling is like, hopefully he takes it. But if not, you have to like think about, you know.

Yeah, this is beyond also a normal, like, anybody. doing this. This is also like not the same as a lusty or obsession. This is control and a form of abuse. You've heard the point. I hope. God knows you may not listen because that God knows. Yeah. I think she'll listen. I don't know. Please follow up. Right in at least and say, did you, did you listen or you didn't listen and be honest. Yeah. She's like, good news. We're actually married now. Yeah. Literally. I'm pregnant. Yeah. I'm pregnant and we're married. By the way, I wish them well. I wish them well.

That's a good look. That's a good outlook. What else, Eldis? Hey, Stav, eldest, esteemed guest. I got a quick one for you. My wife and I have been together for six or seven years. And here's the question. Whenever we go to a party or if we're ever at to dinner,

you know, you eventually end up talking about what you do for a living. I am a commercial fisherman in Alaska. and she is an environmental consultant. The thing is people think my job is fucking cool, and they don't give a fuck about environmental consulting. They have a ton of questions for me, and she rarely gets to her line of work. And after the dinner or the party,

she kind of is hang dog about her occupation. I make a little bit more money than she does. And I have a ton of free time. It is cool. My work is super exciting. I've thought of some ways to Her job is fake news Consulting anything I go

Consulting's bullshit Yeah She should just drop the word consulting Yeah And she should say environmental fracking or something If she said some shit that they're actually up to You know The things that she's lying about

Yes The things that Environmental consulting is for like GP or some oil company Yeah maybe she deserves this Where to put the oil wells Totally Some horrible company, Satan incarnate, is paying her to launder their reputation. Exactly.

So, you know, maybe not. I mean, otherwise it's like she's thinking like... 99% sure she works for... Yeah, unfortunately, that's probably what it is. He did say as a fisherman, he makes more than she does, though. So I feel like if she was doing that shit for BP, she would be making bank. She might just be having an actually boring good job. So her two options are an...

evil job or a good job for the world that's boring. Also, the party sounds so boring, everybody talking about what they do for a living. Yeah, I agree. Like, the premise is boring already. But I also know. Like, him being a fisherman is really interesting a job. Yeah. Because that's one of those old school great jobs.

Totally. Like, that's just you're a fisherman. There's a TV show. It's not consulting liaison, all these new agents. It's a real job. I know what you do. You fish. You bring home the fish.

You're hunting. You're gathering. We get it. It's in a baby's book. It's Baker, butcher, fisherman. He's in the unique position. What are the other people at the party? I'm sure she's more really,

I'm sure are most people, maybe in Alaska, they all, you know, a lot of them have cool jobs because Alaska's so sick. It's a weird place. So cool. I'm one of the last, like, sick, cool places.

Yeah. So I don't know. She may be shit out of luck. And by the way, so get a new job. Make your shit cooler. Like, I don't want to hear about environmental consulting. I don't even.

I'm following. I'm asking. I'm asking. actually feeling a yawn coming on, thinking about it. Yeah. But because I'm on a podcast, I'm suppressing it. Did he have anything else, Elders? Do you have anything that we were missing out on?

That was the gist, but I think it's worth the just. Okay, go ahead, finish him off. Kind of include her more, either just not even bring up what I do at all, or give her, you know, the spotlight. Do not dim your light. Proper up. Some caveats, I feel like I could make working at a gas station sound kind of cool.

I'm a little better of a storyteller. Oh, okay. He sounds okay. He's really. You know, you don't care. You know, you had us and then you lost us. I kind of want her to be a little more proud of her work. And yeah.

You sound shitty. I totally sure. I didn't want your light to be dim. And make it seem a little more exciting for her. If you may a fish, hit me up. Stock Guy Sam is a shit. And I understand the stuff on these coasts. Hit him up, text him.

He isn't quite there yet. Anyway, thank you. All right. Don't fuck it. We can get good fish. I live in New York City, you fucking motherfucker. We can get everything good. Yeah.

Everything good everywhere. His cockiness is shining through big time. He isn't, okay, what we're up against here is that, yes, his thing is more interesting. It is. It just is regardless. But also, you know this guy. This guy would brag about his high school football day. Like, he had, this is a guy who would brag about shit that sucks.

And he happens to have something cool. So that is going to be overpowering. I think there's something more to the story. If we got to speak to the wife. I think so. He's probably fucking annoying. You thought I was annoying coming up to say how to you? He's probably, she's probably not even mad that he's talking about the job.

It's how he's talking. It's very possible. And how he's not letting anyone else. And I've been a victim of being him. So I understand. And I have empathy for all sides of the coin. But I will say this. There's something up with you, man.

that you had no awareness there was no self-reflection by the way I could be doing this he goes there's nothing to do I'll talk about being an environmental lawyer it'll be or whatever it'll be cool that's not necessarily true you're right there's no

and even his is like how can I do I need to stop being so fucking cool to make my wife feel cool it's like that's you're not that cool relax also her job fucking kind of sucks right and I'll say this your point earlier

of like how boring is this party. Yet your job is not something you have to talk about. For that long that it's like becomes the night. Like and your wife like maybe there is. And look, what you're saying, there's truth to it. If you have confidence, you were, people are more engaged with a confident speaker than with somebody who doesn't, you know,

who's kind of meek or whatever. At the same time. And maybe she could make better talking points about what her job does. because I also think environmental stuff is cool for the world. Like it's good. Is there some kind of fucking animal you want to talk about? People are there.

I can see a world where people would be interested in it at a party. If you knew a shit ton about a type of whale or that whale that they're looking for that there's only one of and he's like 5,000 years old. Okay. Maybe. Okay. I would like to hear more. But yeah, I would also just say, does it have to be about, because he framed it very specifically in the context of their job. And it's like, okay, you have the more interesting job.

But are you the more interesting person? No, exactly. You know what I mean? Like, what else does she have? The job is doing a lot of heavy lifting for him. Yes. I get the impression that the job is doing a lot of the heavy lifting here in terms of his personality.

I think that's very true. And I think take away this job, he sounds annoying. He sounds annoying. But I would talk to him about the job. So now I'm saying, like, you're, maybe you and your wife are flipped where her job's a little boring, but does she have other shit to talk? talk about? And if the answer is no, then you're both boring and you should do some other shit. No, you should both boring and I wish you well. Yeah. Yeah. And you actually sound like a perfect

fit. True. Just keep doing what you're doing. But it is the kind of thing of like what do you talk about at a party. It's like you can't, your thing is your job. Like she doesn't hurt. Nobody should be defined by their work necessarily. It's okay if you like to, but your wife doesn't, he's, he's seeing it is a competition between jobs. He sounds insecure about her job. She has said nothing. We have heard nothing from her. He says she's hanged on.

This is a reverse Johnny Jeff Amber. We didn't get to hear from Johnny. Okay, we heard from Amber. And then Johnny entered the room, and we heard the other side. Here's what's happening here. He sounds like he's embarrassed of her job. That he, something is bothering him about what she does. She has told us nothing.

She might like what she does. and be a normal person. I don't really talk about my job at this. Meanwhile, he's running his mouth on his job. He might be embarrassed. And by the way, he might be the whole time itching. I hope they don't ask my wife what she does because it's not cool.

And I like to be cool, McCool, because I'm a tool. Where are they even, where is he talking about? They're going to parties? What does he say? Alaska. Yeah, I think he's just talking about like dinner parties, going out with friends and stuff. It's such a specific, strange question.

Because I wouldn't, if the question. question was how do I bring my wife out of her shell socially? That's a different question than why how do I, how does my wife talk about her job better? You know what I mean? Like, isn't that a little specific? Does it have to be about the job is my big question? It sounds like he's bored when she's talking about her job. Yeah, maybe she loves it, but it is boring. Maybe she's a nerd who can go on about boring shit and puts the room to sleep. Maybe that's what it is. I'm only to take him a little face value because like I can imagine being at a party. It's, you know, it's all the couples, everyone's got an office job.

You get to talk about being a podcast producer. Honestly, the fuck with the squares you're hanging out with your fucking Mr. personality, eldest, that's true. You drop your big podcast producer dick on the table. I'm like, yeah, traveling is so annoying, guys. Some constant travel, crazy hours. I've been

berated by so many people on television. So many people on television have made fun of my production abilities. Beck Bennett just pulled out a perfect impression. You only knew you fucking 10 minutes. That was pretty good. Yeah. Robbie started this episode, very astutely pointing out how bad you are at your job.

But go ahead. But yeah, I mean, you know, that is the kind of job that could light a dinner party on fire and have everyone like asking a million questions. And if she is doing like good work. But would your wife be annoyed about her job not being as interesting? I see your wife as being somebody who, as an example, has a lot of interest, talks about other shit, keeps up with movies and shit. six, seven years together married. Like, this is just, something is just not adding up to me.

Six, seven years and you're still navigating how to do parties together? We are a solid unit. Yeah. Gavin, are we walking? We know what the hell we're fucking doing. Obviously, we both have very cool jobs. Sure, sure.

Obviously. But I'm just saying it's the kind of thing that you haven't talked to your wife about. Well, I could also see. You haven't navigated, like, hey, let's say she brings she is upset that she was left out of a conversation and be like, oh, I could open the floor more.

Right, right, right, right. Or if she's insecure about her job, if I do take you for face value, and she says, it's a boring job, she doesn't know how to talk about it. Maybe you could, you know, maybe you could, I don't know what to do at that point. Yeah.

I'm thinking off the top of my head. I mean, if you're such a good orator like he claims. Right. You just said it yourself, here was me. I could, so fucking give her some pointers. So do it. That's good. That's exactly it.

How about flip it? You can make anything sound good. How about, yeah, the next dinner party, you have to talk about how good her job is. That is an excellent idea. By the way, my wife works as an environmental consultant, and I'll tell you, she just discovered the last living whale of this piece. You make it sound good. Anyway, were you about to make a point before I cut you off? No.

Okay, good. I cut you up. So thank you for taking that. It was actually me who cut them off. So you said, but you took the fall for me, and I appreciate that. No problem. I really do. But yeah, good luck.

I don't know. fucking who cares fuck this guy next question fucking both yeah fuck his dumb boring bitch

wife learn how to tell her story bitch literally wasting all this time we've been working all week I'm sure her organization has had their funding

gutted this past year absolutely what up Savi I'm giving you a ring I just had a pretty life changing event happened someone in my family died

and I am getting around $9 million. Damn. It's in a trust. It's in like a trust fund, so I can't like spend it all right away. That's what everybody says. They're like, you got to.

And also, I know like don't tell anybody, but like I've kind of been telling a couple people. Just like my girl and like my closest friends. And like obviously my family knows. But like some of my family has actually like changed the way that they, kind of look at me a little background about me

I'm a total piece of shit I'm like a club promoter but like I'm also photographer and videographer but like when I tell people I'm a club promoter they're like oh yeah like they kind of discount I did like study politics

I did work for this guy named Jared Polis I am like very politically active I'm politically active and now I got money I am like very politically active. Wait, what did he say he did work for? Because that could really inform what kind of guy this is. I did like study politics.

I did work for this guy named Jeropoulos. I am like very politically active. I really like, you know, what you've been doing. But like my question is like what would you, I know this kind of sounds like I'm like bragging. And that's what also I'm worried about. No, you're a club promoter. You're a broke club promoter who's fucking aunt slipped down

a fucking stairwell and you got a big fucking payout. You're not bragging. But go ahead. They just think that I'm bragging, but really it's just like, I was broke as fuck before this, man. Yeah. I was working at a defense. And I've had good jobs, too, like working at law firms and stuff, but like, I don't know,

I'm kind of a, I'm like, it is going like kind of long, but I'm sure you're just like, yeah, just like live it up and whatever, but, you know, I'm really open to that traveling or or getting into a hobby or just like finding something to do because the only reason I'm getting this money because my dad was an alcoholic. I'm sorry I'm going really long and he died and I'm like the youngest person in my family that's getting this money. But it's going to like everybody. It was around like half a billion dollars. Holy fuck. And if you guys want to like I get this is a whole story.

But like what would you do, man? Like would you travel? Would you like, would you act like nothing happened? Like would you change your life? What? Would you tell anybody? You must be like, like, it's so crazy to me is there's anonymous families living with like half a bill. We probably never heard of this guy.

Yeah, like it's not a oil tycoon. Are you with, you know what I mean? It's like you think you know of all the rich families because you're like, they're so rich. It must be like so, like they own everything. No, the ones we know about are the ones that other rich people laugh at for wanting attention. Yeah. Because they're like the real rich people just buy politicians like secretly. Yes.

They don't need to be on fucking Time magazine. Exactly. They're not fucking almost begging to be like. Exactly. It's like the rich whisper. Yes. Right? So it's like why Gabby and I like we always joke like, I'm not whispered. I'm like, I'm screaming.

I got a product shoe on. I'm scream. It's got to say it on there. Sure, sure, sure. Or it didn't happen. Like I am not at the whisper level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm at the screaming.

I get that. Look at this. Look at this. It's something on here because I never had brand names or anything. And that's all I wanted. And now I'm like, totally. Make sure it's on the side. Yes.

So I'm screaming. So I guess I don't get like this type of family where it's like... Sure. Where it's like half a billion dollars. There's families like that just totally anonymous. Even the biggest piece of shit in the family gets $9 million. For no reason. For nothing.

Like this thing, what do you mean live it up, travel? Like your whole life has been good. You're some rich piece of shit who got to be a club promoter and pretend he was doing political work. But at the end of the day, you knew your family could pay your bills. And he knew, right? Unless I'm missing something, right? He must have known. Like he's saying like it came out of the blue

It was your father. Like you knew some shit was coming to you. Yeah, you, oh, I've been broke for years. You knew as soon as your fucking dad's liver gave out. You were about to have. You poisoned him. No, pop, don't go to AA. Literally.

Let's have a couple pops, Dad. Let's have some twist of tease maybe. It's like he has to have known. But also it's like, invest it. So yeah, by the way, look, I know this is going to sound insane. And I'm not going to say 9 million is It's obviously a fuck ton of money And that But if you're you're talking like you're in his 30s

You're never going to have to like work again I guess if you invest it And you come from a rich family that knows how to invest things Maybe you won't have to Like you could invest in the right way And live off your fucking dividends or whatever the fuck I'm too stupid I still don't know what to do with money

I just got a 401k Yeah yeah exactly Which is I'm really I feel like I tell people I have investments. Because it is technically. It's investments, thank you. Yeah, yeah. But what I would say is, yeah, look, if I got $9 million from being broke, what I would do is buy a house I love.

Thank you, exactly. And just set up, kind of set up the rest of your life in a way that you can live with those means. Don't live above your means. Don't buy a $4 million, $4 million fucking thing. buy it a nice fucking half a million dollar house that's like your faith that's somewhere you could see yourself living forever whatever yeah raising a family uh and just invest it and like i guess the rest of your family's rich if it was me i would be scared i wouldn't spend any of it because to me and part of my getting money i don't spend that much money because i'm always like everyone

depends on me if there's ever a fucking emergency i you know i'll have to fucking figure it out you're not in that position but buy some shit that's fucking buy a house, put money away, invest it. You want to take a vacation like a hooray, my dad's dead vacation. If you want, that's the other thing.

It's kind of morbid to celebrate getting money this way. Travel the world. I mean, I don't know, dude. That's what I would do. I would just buy a fucking house somewhere like, set up my life, invest it.

You take a little bit off the top. It's a lesson my brother Levy is always shared with me. Like, like I sold my first, I got my first scripts. sold six years ago for $65,000. It seemed like the craziest amounts of money you could get. Of course.

I always wanted a watch. Yeah. Okay, but I never thought. I thought if I have a really good deal, and that seemed like a first TV deal, it was just a big thing. So I took, you take, I took $3,000. He goes, you have to buy something like, a thing that you like. Because there's one thing, you know, I watch all these after show.

You asked me about God earlier, but I, there's really nothing I don't believe in in terms of the afterlife or reincarnation. or whatever the things. I'm open to it happening. You know, but the one thing I take away from all of these, all of these conversations is that the material world is fleeting. That is possible I can see my grandfather in the afterlife. And I hope that is the case.

Zadie, I miss you. I'd love to hang out. Okay, I hope that it's the case that I can spend forever with him and everybody else, you know, that we love. But if I can see him in the afterlife, okay, great. Let me have a nice watch now. let me have a car now. If I can't,

it sounds like you can't have a car in the afterlife. It does sound like there's certain things that we're not, like the material world is like like things is a big part of the world actually. It is important. It really is like even having a material physical body. Like the physical is very actually important because it sounds like through all these things, that's the one thing that disappears. Right.

You're just kind of floating. Yes. Which sounds amazing. Yeah. So take a little bit of the top for like he said, a house, I always wanted a watch. I've always had watches my whole life. I had, when I was a little kid, I had the, I got the beauty and the beast watch

where the head of, of beauty lifted, and it was a digital watch under. And I would always say, ma, ask me what time it is. Ma, ask me what time it is. They've always liked watches. Yeah. So I bought that, and I'm like, you, the rest of it went. And I always calculated in how many months of rent. I said, I just bought myself.

Like, I have two years of rents. Yeah, yeah. Or 18 months rent. always calculated in rent. Oh my God, I've made rent till next November. Every show, I'm like, all right, how much can I afford, like, every, you know, the studio, this is not that guy. What are we even wasting our time? It's not, but I would also say, like, you know, just don't go crazy. I hope he goes broke. I'm going to be honest here. It was never money that belonged to. You're not going to give it away. You're not going to be,

you're not going to be altruistic. You're not going to do anything. So I hope, live, you know what, go nuts. Go fucking nuts. Hit the casino, brother. You got this. Put it all on red. Put it all on red. Put it all on red.

Yeah, you want nine or you want 18? Thank you. Exactly. Exactly. And I wish you well. And if you do hit, give us a couple mill. By the way. We told you to put it on red.

Yeah, that's all us. Interesting, interesting. Hmm. I have said I'm not going to divulge any information regarding my age, sex, nor location, just for the safety of

anyone in my past, present, or future life coming across this and knowing that it's me. But my boyfriend doesn't vote. He has no interest in voting. Okay. And that hurts my fucking feeling. I haven't voted until recently.

No, because I stopped voting. after Bernie. You know what? I got such hell. I was so Bernie and then I got such hell you know, had the DNC or had the Democratic party been been more democratic.

Yeah. Even if they said, you know what, we got caught cheating it. Well, you know, we know that Bernie got the popular vote. He was the populist candidate and we rigged it and we're sorry we were caught, we're embarrassed. I can apologize. Like, just like this like, listen, if, okay, you know, we're so embarrassed.

we got caught. We never would have come forward if we didn't. We did. And we're sorry. Okay, let me, let's start from there. But because it was nothing and they just steamed roll us and then they steamed rolled us and then they steam rolled with her. Well, I'm with her. I said, I'm not with this bitch.

What is going on? Absolutely. Like they made us like guilted us into being with her. Like the whole, like the guilt of it. And then, and but you to me, you know, I've been poor under both administrations, under Democrats, under conservatives. There wasn't enough of difference. The checks weren't marginally different that made a difference for life.

The trickle down didn't work either way you put it. And so they lost me after Bernie. When I realized that in my opinion, the Democratic Party and the Republican Party weren't that different. They were all in cahoots together at the top. We're kind of seeing that now. They're both corporate centrist parties. They're corporate or establishment. They work for companies.

They don't work for people. When I realized when that all unraveled that it's really, true that the government works for companies, not for people. They lost me. And I said, if somebody comes around, that's, that, that, if some, they have to give me something to vote for. Yeah, it was not health care is the main, the crazy thing that Democrats don't do is health care is such a winning issue.

It's crazy. I mean, you see it the fact that, like, a health care CEO gets gunned down and people are like, nice. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, that's how much people hate our health care system. They didn't get it. But I agree with you.

I think your point is a good one in terms of like even if you were, and that's if you live in like Pennsylvania or Ohio or Florida, maybe your presidential votes count. Now there are local elections where you could, you know, I was a big mom dani guy mostly because. Exactly. But he also gave us something to vote for, Mom Dani. And not only that, but also I think it's important that I hope other candidates like that who are like unknowns. who are running on issues, who are running on populist issues. I hope that happens across America. So I thought it was important to do that.

But, you know, maybe there's more to this. Maybe this guy doesn't even have this level of political engagement. But the apathy is real because they've, that's what. And it is true. Like, yeah, voting can help a little bit. It's kind of like therapy. It's kind of like if you do therapy every day, if you do therapy a lot, it can help a little bit.

It's not going to do like, you know what I'm. Voting like therapy. Like, it might help a little bit. Yeah. But it's also a bit of a ruse. There's a lot of therapists who are unqualified who got online degrees at Phoenix U. And now it's like, so it's true.

And also it doesn't help. If you go to therapy and you don't practice any of the shit you do in therapy, it doesn't matter the same way. Like, you can vote. But if you don't do anything to make your actual community better, it doesn't really matter that much. But what does, let's see, what she has to say here. Let's see if we'll, you know.

And that hurts my fucking feelings. So. She sounds crazy. I know he has the same political beliefs as me. It shouldn't affect her this much. Oh, I know the most part. I mean, maybe he's not as crazy on like, I don't fucking know. I don't know. He doesn't talk about anything like that. And he's not passionate about anything like that. And it's a really big fucking part of me. You know what I mean?

Sure. So then break up. You sound scary. Like, full blown. Democrat. It's ridiculous. Wait, rewind, sorry. I was talking over her. I do this.

Full-blown Democrat is what she said. She says she's a full-blown Democrat. But she's like part of the problem of the Democratic Party. Yeah, thinking it's just voting that matters. No, but also yelling at you and not talking to you. And also being, it's like, why don't you vote? Right, right. He doesn't talk about these things.

Have you asked him? And you're just mad at him instead of trying to understand where he's coming from. Is there any more? That's basically the gist. Yeah, I mean, listen. The apathy is real. The system has fucked us over and over and over. The apathy is real.

It's hard to still have faith. That said, yes, people should continue to try and move the needle, even if it's at a molasses pace millimeter by millimeter. But I think that if it's this big an issue and you're like, identify as a Democrat, like that's your identity. Sure. Which is a problem. I can imagine.

I think that's a problem for sure. Yeah, it's just, it's a little embarrassing. The mainstream Democratic Party is a, like we just said, it's a corporate centrist party. I mean, they fumbled the bag over and it's the fumble of the century. For sure. So, but I think getting down to brass tacks within a relationship, yes.

Instead of being angry at him and sort of, like you said, gilting him and, you know, oh, you're a bad person if you don't vote for Kamala or whatever, or you know, you're a bad person if you don't vote, why don't you, if you guys are so aligned, why don't you have a real discussion about it? Why aren't people communicating? Because I have that, you know, I've said the same thing where I don't, I didn't vote for fucking, I didn't vote for, I'm in New York, right?

I didn't vote for Kamala because I just, I thought there were some real problems with, I thought there should have been an actual primary. I thought the Democrat's position on Gaza was fucking insane. I thought there were so many things that I couldn't support this party. And I had the luxury of doing that because I lived, New York. Yes. If push came to shove and I lived in a fucking swing state, I probably would have voted Democrat

because I didn't want Trump. You know, all the shit we're seeing now, I didn't want. But I had that luxury, right? So it's like, now some of my friends are mad at me that I didn't vote for Kamala even here where I'm like, it's completely symbolic here. So just talk to him. Where do you guys live? You know, do you live in a specific district where it doesn't fucking really matter?

And then if you just, if you think it's important from the vote, even if his vote's not going to really move the needle. and if he doesn't like these parties but you think voting's important, can he vote third party, right? I voted third party before in my life. It's like depending on the elections. If what you're saying is you just want him

to be civically engaged, being bitter about it and being pissed off, it's not the way to go about it. Talk to him about it and see if there's a compromise. With all of these calls, the approach is off. The relationship approach. It's true. You know what?

Communication is king. Talk to your wife if her job is. sucks. Yeah. Okay. Is she unhappy with it? Are you unhappy with it? Are you embarrassed by her? Have the hard conversations. Okay, be prepared to hear things you didn't want to hear. Okay. Is your boyfriend not voting? You don't wake him up waterboarding him to vote. You have a little conversation. Yeah, I agree. I mean, what is gone? The problem is the country doesn't communicate as usual. We should be engaging and talking to one another, but this is what you're the Democratic Party or the Republican Party are red versus blue or gay versus straight or this versus this has done to us. It's divided. And it's by design.

And you need to wake up. There we go. That you are a proud Democrat by fucking design. Yeah. That is what's going on. You've taken the bait. And now you hate people on the other side. You hate people who don't think like you and who are acting like you, your own boyfriend. Yeah, who you say you agree with on everything. So yeah, have the conversation. You are creating walls rather bringing them down. Bring the Berlin wall down. Have a conversation.

Bring it down. We have a lot more in common than we have different. I agree with that. Yeah, absolutely. You could tell she's got that annoying, like. That's terrible. Voting's going to solve everything, you know, kind of that quality in her voice. that like guilt the guilting you about.

It's like I had an ex who was vegan. And so I told her I was vegan. But I was lying. I was vegan at the house. I've been kosher my whole life. So vegan at the house, kosher at the house. When I go back to my mother's when I wasn't kosher at the house, okay, I'm kosher on the house.

Sure. So I'm like, okay. Yeah. And one day I had a trip. I was on the road. This is years ago. And I came back and she wasn't home yet. I beat her home probably by a few hours.

I said, I'm getting a steak I picked up a little steak I picked up a little A little kale Yeah but she wasn't gonna be home to like minute Like we were texting on the way home Like her flight like I was like perfect

On my way home I'm gonna pick up a little steak A little kale Some garlic get a dressing going I made the steak Three minutes one side A little salt and pepper three minutes one side Two minutes to the other Medium perfect

Good stuff Okay I made my dressing for the salad. I massage the cow, massage, massage, massage with oil. I put some Dijon,

honey, garlic, lemon juice, made a nice dressing. Beautiful. Okay, threw it on. Beautiful stuff.

Okay, I had a little roll on the side. I bought French bread. She walks in. Her flight wasn't something. It's like, out of a movie.

I was caught cheating. So, so, and I'm eating, I'm like, you're eating a cat. She comes in yelling. She's like,

you're killing a cow. You're killing a cow. You're killing. Don't you care that you're killing a cow? I'm like, bitch, I barely care if people die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, no offense, I have five brothers. If I lost one of them, I don't want to lose any of them.

If I lost one, I know I would move on and my life. No, I don't want to, but I have, I don't want to. Sure, sure, sure. But I could move on and my life would rebuild, okay? Never mind a cow. I never even met. I have no rapport with the approach to her. Did she, was she completely.

She was shocked? No, she was so mad at me. You're eating a cow. Did she know you ate outside of the house? People have told her in this. There's a couple of pictures and stories I've been posted in. Whereas I'm like, oh, it's a vegan pepperoni slice. You know, it looks very realistic.

No, they're doing great things. It's mushroom. They're doing great things with the vegan pepperoni. I'm telling you. Yeah, whatever. Good luck to this lady. Just talk to them about it. See where you're coming.

You got something fun for us? Get a dialogue going. Here to go, Elders. Yeah, let's send on a note of hope here. Oh, here we go, a note of hope. Hey, Stah, hey, Eldis. Any guests? I remember in one episode a while back,

you said, if anybody has a success story from, like, the advice gave it on this podcast to call in. Yes. And I'm not 100% sure if this is what you meant when it comes to the lesson, but I hope it counts anyway. So I'm 28. on bisexual males

and I haven't had sex to any girls in like three or four years and it's really just because you're good like I really like getting my ass fucked and I would say I was having sex at like

a higher rate than my straight friends but for you know essentially a gay man I feel like you know I should have been doing way better and honestly I thought because I didn't guys fuck a lot sure I thought because I live in a pretty conservative city.

I thought it was, you know, racism because I'm not white and I live in the white section, you know, but I saw your episode where the guy called in and said that, like, hey, nobody wants to fuck me because I prefer to use condoms and I'm not on prep. And I realized, like, oh, my God, like, you said in your advice to him was, like, put in your bio, like, listen, I'm only comfortable using comments or whatever. And that's what I had. So I realized like, okay, I got a fucking prep prescription and I've been getting this fucking pussy torn open. Life is so fucking good.

I hope that this brings you joy and like I hope that this counts, you know, in terms of the feels good. Literally, I just had three guys leave my apartment. I took like four loads and one in the face and we did unspeakable things by God. That's the ones you told us about. thanks to the advice of your podcast. Wow. Really huge thank you, Savi. Sure, man.

It just makes the episode all die. It did make the episode. Congratulations. Oh, my God. Is that a feel-good story? Is that a feel-good story? He took four loads? Is that an unbelievable story?

All thanks to us. Making fun of a guy who wanted to use condoms on another episode. Oh, that's a feel-good story. I'll say this. I wish you well. and leave women alone. I'll say that. I'll tell you, the bisexual is over, okay?

You leave women alone and you have yourself a good time. Wish you well. That's beautiful. That's a beautiful sentiment to end on, I think. Congrats to our friend for getting his ass fucked way more. Equal accomplishment. Congrats to Robbie with her Netflix special out. I think it's neck and neck.

Wake up only on your... Netflix. I am Robbie Hoffman on Instagram. Thank you so much. Thank you for doing it. It was so fun. Yeah, go watch the special and we will see you guys next time. Bye-bye. Just turn it off. And you can add it. I'll also be

on tour, but I don't know if it's going to be sold. I'm only doing eight dates. People go, No, shit, you're not coming. No, because I can't wear out. Yeah. I do a lot when I perform. I do a lot and you're getting a great show. And no, I don't add more shows. I'm not whatever the shows are. They are.

And by the time you're watching this, they might be sold out. When is it? There's only two cities we would add a second show in New York and Toronto, potentially. But I mean, I've said no. So maybe we didn't add them. Okay. So if you're watching and you go, it's possible. I don't like to wear out.

I like to give a good show and then I like to get a snack and go to bed. I respect that. I wish I drew further boundaries. We'll be on tour for eternity, pretty much. But, yeah, see us on tour, see Robbins. Like a bus? We just started doing a bus. How is a bus?

It's the best. It's the best. It depends on how we sleep like babies on it. Some people can't sleep. No, it's supposed to be very good for sleep, rocking. Yes, it's incredible. Because I always as a child, I fell asleep in a car or on a bus all the time. Then I think you'll be a way for you.

I think you'll be able to add more shows. You do more, right? I do think a bus is way less hectic than airports. Yeah, airports are brutal. So something to think about. Okay. Go see her. Go watch the special.

We'll see you guys next time. Bye-bye.