Stavvy's World - #168 - Matt Johnson

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

Matt Johnson joins the pod to discuss his new film Nirvanna The Band The Show The Movie, wholesale stealing the skeleton of the plot from Back To The Future, his mom being brutally honest when he asked her if he was handsome, his and Stav’s concept for a reboot of Twins, his favorite sandwich, and much more. Stav and Matt help callers including a woman who suspects her friend of lying about having breast cancer, and a man concerned about his dad’s new obsession with ChatGPT. See NIRVANNA THE BAND THE SHOW THE MOVIE in theaters now! Get your tickets at https://www.neonrated.com/film/nirvanna-the-band-the-show-the-movie Thank you to our sponsors!Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!!Chubbies - https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/STAVVYSWORLD promo code STAVVYSWORLD ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hopa. Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World. 9-04-800-staff. Call in. We'll solve your problems. We have one of the greatest minds of the Great White North on the couch right now. Matt Johnson, whose new movie, Nirvana, the band, the show The Movie,

has done probably what? This is Monday, so it's probably $400 million box office? Oh, you know what? I think you drop maybe even three zeros. Okay. The movie just came out. I saw it. It's funny as... It's legitimately funny as shit.

I mean, I'm trying to think, is it the fucking... Funniest movie of all time? Is it? I'm trying to think. Is that what it is? No, no, no. Not even close.

But it was a very good time at the theaters, folks. What's great about it is that is one of those movies that were you watching it first, especially you, are thinking, what a piece of shit.

Like, I can't believe. I'm here. I'm sitting in the IFC theater. I was doing my buddy a favor just to appear. He wanted me to be a laugh track to get the crowd going. And then as soon as it does one interesting thing, you go, oh, okay. It's like, I once heard

Wayne Knight say on the DVD special features of Seinfeld that one of his secret weapons, who was a really really fat guy, but he was light on his feet. And so that when he ran, people always got a kick out of it. And I think that, Nirvana of the band, the show the movie has that. That's what you think. A big fat piece of shit

The movie that can move quickly. Yeah, yeah, it's nimble. Does it have a coherent plot, professional actors, beautiful people to look at? None of that. Jay looks pretty. Jay is cute. Jay is cute. Jay is held up really well. It's unbelievable. Jay looks incredible. We're talking about Jay McHarroll. Look him up.

He's one of these guys that gets more handsome because when he was young, it was a bit of an uncanny valley because it was like he kind of looked like a man. he's 14 years old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little gangly, sure. I know you mean. And then, you know, and so you guys, the thing for people to understand is that you've been doing this, first it was a web series. Then you had a show on, uh, I, if, we watched it actually, me and Eldis would watch

it in our Astoria apartment when we first moved to New York. We were big, uh, we were big, uh, vice guys. Yeah, of course. We were big vice guys. Of course. And then that fucking guy stole your whole, like you could have been that guy moving from place to place eating crazy. food what fuck that's delicious oh action bronzed yeah yeah yeah yeah listen i i it i don't even feel

like he stole it i feel like he was ahead of me by like six years yeah because i made your money i saw that and i was like fuck this would have been this could have been my life yeah exactly like i just looked at it mattie mithson literally thought that yeah yeah yeah mattie has a point yeah he's a chef he was he was established i was just a fat guy in baltimore i was a fat i want to do that He was a fat 19-year-old being like, oh, I want to be obese and famous and eat, and it kind of didn't happen. I want, yeah, he was rapping about getting pussy, and I was like, what the hell? I'm living in my friend's shitty extra bedroom for $300 a month. I'm a paint salesman.

That's when I was holding down Sherwin Williams is when action was popping off. I was a big fan. I was a big fan. I actually saw him as aspirational. No, 100%. I think everybody did. And we did. He did.

I was able to get in the fuck that. that's a delicious kitchen and have some tacos with him. So you know him personally. Yeah, I'm trying to get him on that. We've been trying to get him on the couch, but rappers are kind of hard to schedule. It turns out. It turns out it is true that rappers, yeah.

So we'll get, we'll get him there. But yes, dude, moving to New York in, what was that, 2014, Elders, 15? 15. Vice had you in its teeth. Dude, are you kidding me? I'm 26. I live in a, I live in a window. room. I'm doing open mites.

It's like I'm vice's guy. I want every from every ounce of programming in the, like Elders would start his day watching Miami Vice reruns. He would be, he would make, he would make an omelette in the morning. And by the way, we had a room in the living room.

So someone could just hear Elders cooking loud as fuck. Like a different comedian lived in, we switched I used to be in that room, but eventually I got a room with walls. And so Elders would just watch Miami Vice. He would turn on Vice immediately. Watch Miami Vice at 8 a.m.

Cook the loudest omelet you've ever heard in your life. This motherfucker-sizzling. He chopped everything fresh every day. There was no prepping. There was nothing. He was just 8.30 a.m. Scalions fucking bo, bo, woo, but he hated you then. Well, no, sometimes I would be making the omelet,

and I would hear the guy fucking in this room, which was also right next to the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'd have some girl over. No, he was doing bad, but he could fuck. Hell yes. So all he had was basically seed Rex. It's like mutual disregard

for each other's like living space. Did you like the Michael Man film Miami? I loved it. I haven't seen. I loved it. I loved it. I saw it. I loved it. I saw the only movie in my life. Josh Bowles and I were in film school. We go to see it at I think the Yorkdale at we go to the four o'clock show. We saw the eight o'clock show. Respect, dude. I've yeah. I get that. I fully get that. If you're watching this, if you've not seen Michael Man's Miami Vice. That's your camera. Come on. You're a director. It is. It is a like, I think.

I think there are people who know about it, but it is one of those lost masterpieces that, that it doesn't rival heat, but it's a must watch. It's a must. It came out around the same time as the new world. And both are these, it was an unbelievable. What I love about that movie, yes, that movie's incredible. And it has, it's Jamie Fox and Colin Farrell. And it also it's Michael Mann. In terms of how he's shooting stuff, his dick was really hard for digit. That's when he's, it's right as he's making the transition. And then he really falls off a cliff afterwards. He makes that. public enemy. I never saw public enemies. Yeah, yeah. I will see it. I want to be a man completionist. Obviously, I love a shit. But that movie to me is so special because it really is the most, I mean, that's the most, like,

artistic I'm willing to get. It's the most artistic, like, an idiot bro who loves, like, you know, gun movies can get because it's, like, contemplative and it's, like, philosophical. It's a tone poem. Yes, exactly. It's like, the plot doesn't really make sense. But it still has. has three incredible action sequences,

even while making no sense whatsoever. End to end. And it takes like what was in the Miami Vice TV show and just warps it to this unbelievable place. The shots of them riding those cigarette boats down to Cuba, there's this amazing transition where Colin Farrell, who's just a sex machine in this movie. And by the way, I've said this before,

I know my self-esteem is too high because I see myself as Colin Farrell in that movie. The world does as well. When I grew my hair out, I was like, I look exactly like Colin Farrell and Miami Vice. Like, in my head with the mustache, I'm like, that's what I look like. And this is how women see me. If only I could get out of this windowless apartment, I'd be fucking just like my roommate. But, and here's what else I love about that.

And there's so much weird shit about that movie, the main protagonist, like Colin Farrell's love interest, I forget her name. She straight up did not speak English. She did her lines phonetically. I didn't know that, of course. And it gives the movie a dreamlike quality because it's like, this woman is saying stuff, but you're like, she doesn't quite grasp. It's like, what's going on here?

Is that, was she Cuban? She was Chinese or something. Oh, she's Chinese. Okay, because I was, say Anna Da Armist, that's how her career began as well. Yes, yes, yes, speaking only phonetic English. No, yeah, this woman. And then, and here's the other thing I love about it.

And I think the reason I connect, because I really connected that movie when I was like, this was maybe like four years ago when I was in the thick of, everything kind of happening where it was like my career is taking off but I was also like the most fucked up

like I was eating like shit I was getting fucked up every I was like you know getting high as fuck pills what I didn't drink that much but I was like you know just like really overdoing it and then you know trying to fuck despite being the least healthy I've ever been in my life just like it was like pills dick pills

peptobismal weed fucking wings fries it was like I was it was brutal stuff, right? And I'm fat. Like, I weighed 70 pounds more than I weigh right now. So it's like, difficult to imagine. Hard, hard stuff.

It's literally like, it just think about the, like, literally the fat filters where it's just like, it's just me, but like, I mean, that's what my face is like. And yet the world is giving you all this feedback. You're doing great. Keep going. You're becoming famous. Like, whatever you're doing is working. This is what success feels like.

And just ready to kill myself. And apparently, Colin. Farrell when he was shooting that. And so I discovered that, like, I had seen it, like, but I didn't really, like, latch on to it. And then I saw it again in the middle of that time in my life. And it just, I connected to it so much. Of course. And then I found out later, like, you know, research.

Because, you know, when I follow, when you love a movie, you go back and you fucking research everything. Colin Farrell, apparently, the day it wrapped went immediately to rehab. It was like, and he, and he's, like, people have asked him questions because people love this movie. It's like a niche, like, you know, people. It's one of those, if you know about it, you know, because it bombed in theaters so badly. It really bombed horribly. Because it had hype because Michael, you know,

Michael Mann was the executive producer of Miami Vice and man was on a heater, whatever. And then it bombed. But he's given, like, interviews where people are like, I love them, like, you know, how we are talking about it. And he's straight up like, I'm not trying to be an asshole. I don't want to talk about that. No, I don't remember it.

That's unreal. Like, one of the best. So they're all going. One of the greatest. performances that like means the world to me just like only exist it doesn't even exist in the actor's head anymore yeah it's like stephen king's early books it's dude yeah yeah it's beautiful so yeah uh nivar the bandit show the movie not as good as that movie but much funnier we have commonalities much much yeah actually it depends how you watch miami vice there's a read of that film where it's

the funniest movie of all the time there's that scene where the guy is saying why his nickname is what it is and he goes he says it in in spanish he says just so you know that means crazy pig. What he's talking about his own identity? Yeah, yeah. Dude, I know. And Jamie Foxx just, he just has a grin at it.

Remember where they like searched? In them? Anyway, we can't be doing inside. You're on the band to show the movie. Nobody saw. Bombed. Literally did no business. This is the podcast rewatch of Miami Vice.

Just from our memories. We're getting all this shit wrong. I'm like, wasn't she Cuban? But no. Because she says, I know a good place to get some kind of drink. and then man cuts. They're on a cigarette boat.

One shot at mojitos. And then they cut. They're getting a drink in Cuba. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Incredible stuff. Yeah.

And then he just, anyway, I'm not going to keep talking about it. Big inspiration to Nirvana the band. Yeah. For sure. The old vice days I loved. Oh yeah. So the point I was making was, yes.

You guys have been doing this since you were like, when did the boys? Yeah. Literally. 20 years. We started shooting at 20 years. And that's why it was Jay's idea to be like, we should make a time travel movie where we use that footage. We shot when we were kids and everybody was like, oh shit, this is amazing.

Like we get to do like boyhood except inside of a comedy film. Right. And by accident. Exactly. Without planning it and just being like whatever we get. I mean, it must have been a nightmare for your editors to figure out how to do it together. Well, you know, nightmares are funny because like you always wake up and there's a secret message to that nightmare. Like, do you know what I mean?

Like truly, it's not like good dreams don't tell you how to live your life. It's the nightmares where you wake up and go, okay, I got to stop doing this. And so, yeah, yeah, it was a nightmare. but you know that once you get to the end of it, it's like, oh shit. You got something awesome about it. It's a secret message, yeah. No, no, and it was, it's very funny to do that.

And the point I was trying to make overall is that Jay, at no point did you look better than Jay, even when you were young. Not in my, not my best day, yeah. But now it's kind of crazy, how much he blows you out of the water. It is. You look like a real piece of shit.

The disparity, especially on camera. Like, that's my real curse is that on, the number of times people will meet me in person and be like, whoa. Like, remember when you and I first met and you and I thought you'd be so much fatter? It's the first thing you said to me. And we had talked. Like, we'd gone through like multiple, like we're talking about the movie we were going

to make all this shit. And then we saw each other. I think I give off a kind of super fat man energy combined with the way that I look on camera. Fatter face than body. You have the classic fat face. That you assume that the body must just be like, like, rippled. and it all comes from the top.

Right, right. It's very rare to be able to keep fat on your face when you're not that fat. It's a skill. No, I've been working on it my whole life. It's the opposite of what you want for being on camera. No, and in fact, it gave me horrible sleep apnea, which you and I talked about it.

Like, I had the worst sleep apnea. I had to get surgery to fix it. It's crazy. Which, but you know what? I don't look at it negatively at all. Yeah. But it must have been tough to. look at yourself.

Like having to be forced... I had no vanity. Do you know what my mom said to me when I was young? Yeah. I turned to her, I think I was 11 years old. And I said, mom, I was looking in the mirror

and I looked to her. And I said, mom, am I handsome? And she looked at me. She's a doctor. And she looked at me. She's so sober. I love her. Like, and she said,

no. You're my dad. No. But then she said, but you are interesting looking. And I swear, this has been a deep truth of my life. That's awesome.

And I think my mom in some ways feels like self-conscious about saying that as though she'd hurt me. But it didn't. Even at the time, I wasn't, I didn't feel like. It's honestly better to do that than lie. If she had said, have you met guys whose moms are like, you're the most beautiful boy? I love everything about you. Well, my mom got pretty, I had the classic. My mom was like that and my dad was the opposite.

That's a good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is it? It averages out. but at the same time, at any point, I can have the, I'm like, I can think like I'm the fucking smartest, most handsome guy in the world. And I can also think like, I'm a piece of shit. I should fucking kill myself. Yeah, and you need both. And you need both. And it averages out to good. And I think it's unfortunately useful for creating shit, unfortunately. I think it's actually

the secret recipe. This is reminding me I had just read some article that said in the gestalt of male self-help books versus women's self-help books, the main difference. There's some kind of that men's self-help books, the message is you are shit. Women's self-help books, the message is you are too good. And that somehow... Interesting. Like the difference between those two, alive in all of us is the truth.

We are all garbage and we are all great. And wrestling with that is how you find some kind of momentum forward. Yeah. I mean, I think if you think you're a piece of shit, it's only up from there. I think that's part of... Or you think it's nothing. It's not worth the effort. so fuck my life.

Well, I guess I'm thinking of it as like the strategy of almost like boot camp where it's like we got to break you down and rebuild you in the mold of Tony Robbins or whatever the fuck. You know, that kind of shit. Which wouldn't have worked for me either because part of your dad being the one

who tells you you're a piece of shit is thinking every authority figure can suck your dick. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. You become a permanent rebel. It's like, fuck you. You don't know shit. And then also, you know, you know,

No disrespect to my dad. He didn't really know what the fuck he was doing. Very talented carpenter. Didn't have, didn't really, like, could stand a little, in every other depart. Very charming guy, good at what he did, but wasn't like a long-term strategic thinker. You know what I mean? His long-term plan may have been you. It was.

And because you weren't living up to his expectations, he needed to destroy you. Right, yeah. I mean, what's funny is, I don't even think he thought that. You maybe not literally. It was just like, it wasn't even destroyed. It was like, well, I guess I'm not going to give a fuck about that. And then the funny thing is like, it paid off. Of course.

But not in any way he thought. It would be great for him to turn on you and be like, yeah, that was my plan. That would be, I would. Can you imagine in Greek? He's telling you just so you know. Savvy, that's what I wanted. I would love to see him attempt that. I would love to see him would try that with a straight face.

But yeah, there was just a boat where I was like, I think I'm, I mean, maybe part of that is also being an immigrant kid because it's like you do just have a better handle on the culture you grow up and then your family. No doubt. You're like, you're the authority. I'm smarter than you. Like from a young age, you're like, I know what the fuck I'm doing. You don't fucking know shit.

So I don't know. It was a weird. It just did create this completely this nightmare personality that has been tough to live with. But, you know. You're talking about him or you now. Me. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. No, my dad's personality is more like, it's not even a nightmare. It's just like what happens when you grow up in grief. in the fucking 50s and, you know, nobody really gives a fuck. Your parents... Post-war Greece? Yeah, post-war Greece.

Your parents were in an arranged marriage that was like... They were like the fourth choice for both of them. You know what I mean? It's like they're each other's safety spouse. You know what I mean? This is your genetic history you're talking about here. Yeah. One generation removed.

Like, not even... Not in the 1600s. We're talking about these people were fucking, you know, these people were listening to the radio smoking cigarettes and dancing like this. You know what I mean? Like, it's not that far back. But yes, that's...

And, you know, I don't think that's a very loving environment to, you know, fucking grow up in, but... You know what? It sounds like he needed to figure out a way to make his identity work. And when that didn't, he started lashing out. Yeah, for sure. I love your dad. I love your story about when he finds out you're going to become a stand-up community.

Yeah, yeah. Classic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Couldn't believe it. So your mother tells me you're doing comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hanks up the phone. Brudel stuff.

Well, let's relive all of this right now, staff. No, it's all good. Yeah, Nirvana in the band, the show, the movie. No, it's talking about, your mom said you were an ugly piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, these stories, it's funny. I think anything you remember from childhood, pay attention. Yeah.

Why do you remember it? Yeah, because that's, I mean, totally, because probably your parents, to them, it was nothing. How many fires have they put out? Raising a kid is one emergency after another. Yes. And there's one innocuous memory that you have held on to that to them was like,

dude, that was nothing. I don't remember that. I smacked you. Like, what are you talking about? You remember that? Yeah, you had tetanus poisoning. We had to take you to the, you know what I mean? Right, you almost got hit by a bull and I pulled you out of the way. Like, you remember this one line?

But it's so funny. It's like, memory is so bizarre. I heard the, um, you know the Mandela effect? You know what this is, right? Like, where you false remember this thing? Of course. I, I, it was a classic example. I heard that the truth about that is that human beings just make memories.

in certain ways. And it's the whole reason why everybody thinks that in Empire Strikes Back, Vader says, Luke, I am your father. When really he said, no, I am your father. And this secret, like that, the difference between those two is the truth of the Mandela effect,

which is when we make a memory, we make it useful. And Luke, I am your father is a story. So even though Vader didn't say that, that was the context of the line. In the same way that Mandela dying in prison has a martyr idea to it. And so our brain is just like,

that's the story. The story is Delph Mandela was a hero. He was a martyr, so of course he died in jail. Barron Stain bears, there is no last name. Stain. We only know Steen. Yeah, we know the Steens. And so our brain goes, well, it must be Steen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's the same with these childhood memories that just get locked in your head because your brain is like, this is important. And I don't know why. Yeah. But remember this forever. Right, right.

Remember how your dad breathed on the phone when he found out you were going to be a comedian and I will not let you forget. And they don't tell you why. In the same way that when you wake up for a nightmare, you're like, well, what did that nightmare mean? What's going on there? What's going on? What about your father? Did he think you're ugly as well? No, my dad was like, I got a similar story to you with you realizing that, oh, I know more about this culture than my dad does, which is my dad was super funny. He's a salesman, basically. And whenever I'm like in one of my own movies, I'm always playing a kind of salesman. Like in Nirvana, the band, I'm just pitching. I just sell. Well, that's what directing is. I mean, you know this. You're trying to sell. You're trying to convince people to do things your way.

Or even just convince them of a vision that they can be happy with. Because that's what great salesmen do. Like, you're happy you bought it. Right. Right. You don't feel robbed. Totally. Totally.

You can't, like... Best case scenario, a salesman wants to sell, but he wants you to be happy as well. And he wants you to... Exactly. And like, the best car salesmen in the world, they don't make a ton of money on one car. They make money on 40 cars. Right, right. That you tell your family.

This guy's the best. They tell their family. And so you sell them a lot. Anyway, my dad really had this. But he was always so funny, like, so, so, funny. To me, I was like, my dad's the funniest person in the world. And then, like, around same age, like 11 or 12, we would always have dinner together at the table.

I have a bunch of siblings. Oh, you have a bunch of siblings? Yeah, I've got a brother and two sisters. And I was like, oh, I'm going to try being funny. And it was at this age where I realized, wait a minute, I'm funnier than my dad is. And it changed my life forever, where my dad would always kind of talk a lot and tell jokes at the table.

And then he just stopped. And he didn't stop because he was upset. or anything like that. And he never said to me, wow, you're funny. In fact, he doesn't even think I'm particularly funny. Neither does my mom. But my siblings were all like, this is unbelievable. You are so funny, we can't believe it.

And my life changed after that moment. No, and your dad was not, you don't think he was mad or anything? Not even a bit. He wasn't jealous. He was just like, well, Matt's doing this now. No, my parents, they watch my movies or anything. I think Tony, the movie you and I made is going to be the first movie they can sit down and watch and be like, oh, you made a movie. Even Blackberry?

Nah, I mean It's at least kind of You can fall And it's Canadian And my dad loves business And so yeah Like he likes it Your dad's favorite genre

Is Canadian business No no no No my dad's favorite genre Is like the same as I think a lot of the movies you love Which is like 80s action Like revenge Yeah yeah

Like sounds like a cool guy Dude Sounds like the man He likes What was he selling? Pension funds Hell yeah Pension funds to unions

So he was the guy guy. He's got such a high-low life because he came from like nothing, like a poorest dirt family that had immigrated from Iceland to Winnipeg and then to Thunder Bay. And his dad was a newspaper guy. They had a scrappy existence in this small town. It was logging town, Icelandic town, basically. Lots of fins as well. And he goes to school in Toronto and, well, near Toronto and gets a business degree and then he becomes the kind of union sales guy within a pension fund company. And so all of his buddies are all union people. So he was like selling basically insurance in a way, but only to like blue color union people. So that was his whole life. Just traveling around Canada. She's dealing with

the union guys. Dealing with union guys constantly. Taking them out. Yeah. Doing karaoke with union bros. Well like in Madman except in Canada. Yeah. And for pensions as opposed to advertising. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty fun. Oh, yeah. Blue collar account. Right. Yeah, the blue collar account

at Integrar Capital Management Corporation. But I love them. I mean, but I get all of my, I feel like every kid can either, you might probably agree with this. You can either be the best of your parents or the worst of your parents.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can see when people are these things, you're like, oh, you're the crazy part of your mom and you've got the anger, psychoness of your dad, or you can have your parents

when they're at their, best. You can have those qualities too. Yeah. And truly, I mean, I see that. My dad, for all his shit, like, which it wasn't, ultimately, the other thing is, it's so annoying when you grow up and you have empathy for your parents. You have to. Yeah, right. I love you anyway. I can't be fucking mad at this guy. His life sucked dick.

You know what I mean? It's like, and it was, a lot of it was his fault, but it still was fucking bad. Of course. You know what I mean? And it's like, and a lot of it wasn't his fault, though, too, right? Like, a lot of it's like, like, we just said, where he came from. And the time. Post-war, Greece, like, you know, with his parents, whatever.

But he is really funny and he is really like, you know, charming and he does, and he has a charisma to him where I'm like, without that, there's no way I'm doing any of this. Yeah, you can't deny that in some ways, your power is that you have so much charisma.

It is at odds in some way. Do you know what I mean? I think that's why people are so fascinated and love you so much because they're like, this guy, it's almost like you have the light of God in you. in a way. I think that's a little much. But you'll never see it that way.

But the whole point is the like I say on paper, it's bad. You're real bad. You know what I mean? It's real bad. Danny DeVito and Twins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I'm still,

whatever you get the rights to, we got to remake that. But who's, who's Arnie? I've thought about it a lot. You know, we could figure something out. It would be, no, no, no, no, we get Arnold's kid.

Arnold's kid could work. He's not jacked enough. He could be. You're right. He could get the genetics. If we called White Lotus guy and we're like, dude, do you want to remake twins with Star Roski?

We need you to put it on 30 pounds of muscle. Tomorrow, I'll do it right now. Dude, that's a great project. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, call in if you have ideas for that. If you can get us the rights. To twins? To 20 bucks.

You know, they were going to remake it called, not remake it, but they were going to do a sequel called Triplets. And the third twin was just going to be Eddie Murphy. I'm not even kidding. And the whole, you know, it's like one's jacked and smart and one's dumb and little. One's black.

It's just he's black. And this is like the 80s or like that was a, a bankable idea. Like, yeah, that's a type of guy you can be. It's like black, just black. It's fucking hilarious. Yeah, if they got it in right by 89, they would have been okay.

Because it's Eddie Murphy and if they got him in his prime, it would have been fucking awesome. I bet you we'd be talking about it. Like we're talking about Miami Vice right now. It's lost masterpiece. But if it was late, if it was like 95, or even if they tried to do it in this like how they're redoing everything,

it would have been one of the worst things. It would never been made. Yeah. You have to make it with an independent studio. I would see a reboot. I would just see a straight sequel with DeVito and Schwarzenegger right now, though. That I would be interested in. Me too.

Because they're both, DeVito still got his fastball against. Yeah, he's still hilarious. Because of like, he's just steady working. And Schwarzenegger has now become an even more fascinating figure because of everything he's been through and he's back and he's sort of acting and he's sort of a politician

and it's just a he would be a much more captivating presence again I think I'm ready to see him in movies again you know me too 100% if this movie got made it would be a lot like the BBC Up series I'm not sure if you've seen this I've never seen it's unbelievable they follow a bunch of school children at age 7

then they go back at age 14 then 21 the 28 and I haven't seen it but it seems impressive half the kids are from like private school ultra-rich and half of them are from like the poorest possible parts of like England and you literally watch how their lives go all the way up. I think they're still

going. I think they're like in their 70s now. It's a masterpiece. That is incredible. And it starts like it's on black and white 16 millimeter. Dude, it's completely worth it and we can use that as a reference when we're pitching this to Arnold and DeVito. It's going to be like the up series. Well it could be you know it could be

something is super simple. Here's the sequel ready. it's I I am Arnold's kid and the Jack guy is DeVito's kid Oh my God This is incredible Come on And so they've got to deal with this

And they're like I don't get you You know what I mean It's like And that happens sometimes Sometimes like an uncle Just gets Because they're brothers

And sometimes you just It's like the bald gene Yeah yeah Yeah sometimes it fucking happens So this could really work This could really work You may be watching The Genesis

Of your next favorite film film. The twin sequel starring staff. Although it's been pretty tough for the audience to buy that actual Schwarzenegger's kid is not his kid, but DeVito's kid. Also raises all these questions about oh, they saw they fucked each other's wives? No, I guess not because the genetic or they fucked each other's sisters.

No, they just fuck different. I guess they'd have to be similar. Well, I just mean like for them. They would find twins and fuck them. They would be married to twins or whatever. That happens. That could happen. Or maybe just sisters. We'll figure it. We were going to figure this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to get our crack team of writers on this. How did they come to be? It was one lady got inseminated by...

This was a real 80s plot that I think they glossed over in one sentence. Yeah, you totally. It was the same as the movie Jr. Where they made Arnold Schwarzenegger pregnant and you're like, wait, how did they do this? One sentence. That's how they did it, baby. We combined like a bunch of super jizzes together to make Arnold. And the detritus was Danny DeVito. That's his bait line. And I was the shit that got left.

Yeah, yeah. I was the shit left over. Yeah, okay. So we'll figure it out. Maybe they both were in the... It doesn't matter. We don't need to get bogged down. This is not our problem.

We're going to get bogged out. This is for the writers to figure out. The writers who are going to hate our guts as we come in and give them speeches like this. Guys, it's so easy. Like, just fucking figure this out. We're going to go eat some more Russ and daughters bagels. We'll be back in 40 minutes. We'll be back in 40 minutes.

I want a fucking draft. I want a fucking outline on my desk. By the end. end of the day. I can't wait. I can't wait to get to that level. Once Tony comes out, we really realize how yeah,

these two, they're the ones that need to be elevated from this Bourdain movie. Absolutely. I mean, it's so funny to think about who's involved in that movie. You and I are literally at the bottom.

We're the Danny DeVito of the Bordane movie. We couldn't be more at the bottom. It's going to, everyone's career is going to fucking skyrocketed. And we'll be doing fine. Don't get me wrong. We'll be doing this.

We'll be doing fine. We will be pitching twins. We're the Bordang guys. You can put it on the trailer. Yeah, I mean, Dom, Amelia, Antonio Benderis, Leo Woodall, yeah. I mean, these, everyone in this movie, right now, market, they are going to get so famous

and me and Matt are going to keep podcasting together. Yeah. But you know, we're going to be happy. We're going to be happy. It's a magic movie factory. We're going to be happy. Another thing, so, Nirvana. of the band to show the movie, another thing I want to talk about, is a time travel movie,

and it is, it has elements of back to the future. Yeah, it's basically, we took the plot of Back to the Future and tried to literally do the exact same beats of it, for real, because we didn't have this team of writers to write our movies, so we thought, let's just see what Zemechus did, literally. Let's just take one of the best movies ever. And do it verbatim. And when you see the movie, you'll see that it, I'm not joking at all. Yeah, it's awesome.

The entire third act of the movie was like, oh, and then we got to get the camera. table to the wall, but it's too short. It was awesome. And I love that too, because it's like, that's my philosophy for comedy movies, too, is like, look, a plot is important, obviously, but it's like, it's like celery and peanut butter. Yeah, right, right. It's just the peanut butter. The plot is just the peanut butter.

It's the jokes, right? Naked Gun did this well. Naked Gun was perfect. Yeah, naked gun did this one. You told me about that, where you would like, go check this movie out. Yeah. It was, shout out to those guys. It was fucking really good.

I mean, the originals are classics. But yeah, and that is, but it also is doing Back to the Future just makes it. Because every time it's clearly a Back to the Future homage, you laugh. You're like, I can't believe these idiots are doing this. When you use like a sting from the, it's like the same music. At one point, we literally used the exact same music from it. Because you know what? I think that one of the things that comedy movies, like all the ones that I love the most,

you don't need to, your brain should not be trying to figure out. If you missed something or if something is like, that's not what it's about. 100%. Like you're trying to create an experience where it takes your breath away in the sense that you are caught up in it. Yeah. And I don't have the sophistication to write one of those movies.

As you know, you acted in my last one. Of course. It's extremely painful to get from page to page. And so by having that in some ways taken care of and making it a bonus, not a problem. Totally. Right?

It's a feature as opposed to it being like, wait a way, it's just back to the future ripoff. Fuck this. Oh, whoa, a back to the future rip-off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's badass. And in the ways, it's like the ways, the things that equate, you know, just, it's very funny and you should go, everybody should go see it.

My one criticism, though, if you're going to do it back to the future, sort of homage, rip-off, whatever, there is no mention of wanting to fuck your own mom. We tried. Which is. Have I told you the story about my mom said about my looks? Yeah. This one, it's like, you go back in time, your mom's like, ugh. You go fuck out of here.

I put my mom in my first movie because I'm always shooting movies where people don't know they're in the movie. And in my first movie, The Dirties, she's in it as my mom. That's my legit mom. Who I go up to and I say, hey, mom, do you think I'm in, this is right before, if you don't know, it's right before I go kill everybody in my high school with a gun. And right before I go ask my actual mother, hey, mom, do you think I'm crazy? And it's funny, she gives a similar answer. She goes, crazy? No.

I guess you're a bit of a wild guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's right before I go on a rampage. Oh, hell yeah. So that would not have worked in this one. Although, well, you know what? We better drop the topic. I was going to say Jay's mom is extremely beautiful, but I don't know.

She really is. He's famous for this, that his mom is, actually, to be fair, both of his parents, if you saw them. Wow, real pieces of ass. They're like 80s. They could be on magazines. They're so good looking that you, when you, when you, you, when you, you, you meet them, you laugh. My mom, when she first met them, she laughed. She was like, what? Yeah. Yeah. They're so, so good looking. That's tough to be the one, the guy whose mom is the hottest mom. She's gorgeous. She's

funny and friendly and she's an artist. Like, she's just, everybody loves it. That's tough to be the guy who's like, everyone has a crush on your mom. Yeah. And they'll let you know. You know, oddly enough, Jay's never brought this up with me. And so I don't think he struggled with it at all. Interesting. I think he was so handsome that he didn't need to worry. He didn't worry about it. I was like, well, of course. Everyone loves my mom. Everyone loves me.

This is the way the world works. Why, what's it like for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I'm just saying that's my one criticism is that it could, that's such a big part of... Yeah, and it's probably the most memorable part when it's like... It's crazy how much of that movie is about almost fucking your mom and like...

And then like, bit... Like, I actually watched it recently, just was on TV. And it was like, it's crazy. Just like how cool. they are with Biff afterwards. It's ridiculous. He tries to rape the guy's mom. Like, imagine if the guy

who tried to rape you in high school, you're like, ah, we'll give him a job. Yeah, exactly. Now he can wash my car. He washes your car. A guy, and then also he turns, like, mentally disabled. Because it's like, maybe that was part of,

I don't know, maybe that was like a Reagan tough on crime thing. I guess it was in the 50s. So maybe there's like an alternate, maybe that's part of the butterfly effect. They start, like, giving the sexually violent lobotomies? Uh-huh.

Yeah, right, right, right. That would explain Biff's, you'd be like, oh, I washed your car up real nice. It's a hilarious part of that movie. I remember it vividly. And now I'm also realizing in the second movie, the mother transforms into a, like a pornographic sex symbol. Do you remember where she gets a breast augmentation surgery? And now she's Biff's basically sex slave. So it's like he doesn't drop this Freudian, your mother, to see her.

her sexually, see her sexually. And that's the first, he really, like, Zemeckis does do a lot. He really highlights big tits a lot. Loves. That was the, I think giving her the big tits in the second one starts, because he did, Who Framed Roger Rabbit? I mean, come on. The biggest.

Come on. That was awesome. That's fucking awesome. And a big part of my personality. Big time. Being a kid who's like, think, kind of, start to understand you're funny and then being like, wait a minute. Wait, who's that.

Yeah. Hold on a second. Truly like, you know. And she's hilarious. She's great. And what does she say? I just love funny guys. Yeah, he just makes me laugh. He just makes me laugh. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which might have sometimes, it's like, sometimes you're like, the way we were talking about like random memories as a kid, it's like showing me that movie. And having her, yeah, that, that Roger has got the hottest girl in Tune Town. And the reason is he just makes me laugh. It might have just sealed my entire fate right there. Right there. It's really possible. Because I saw that movie really early.

Me too. Yeah, I was like probably five, dude. Great movie. But, yeah. But, yeah. Then he does Beowulf where they have busty. Angelina Jolie's got her tits out and there's like a busty wench. I'm thinking there's a couple. Yeah. And then I think he married after he gets divorced. I think he just married like. The biggest.

Yeah. A very busty lady. Which tip my cap to Zemeckis. You know, I'd love to see you make a regular movie again, man. It's a bit a while. That last one he made, he just set up a camera in a house. That was interesting.

I didn't see it. I didn't see it. I haven't seen it. Yeah. Cool. Cool pitch. I want to see it, actually. Somebody I trust a lot said it was a masterpiece,

and then 90 people told me, you will not believe this got made. It's horrible. Yeah. I got to fuck it. I do want to watch it. But, yeah, so for Nirvana, the band of the show of the movie, too,

I would say, ups and downs. Let's get the Freudian stuff in there. I'll pack it full. The thing is, and you can attest to this, it's very difficult to put characters like that in sexual situations.

That is true. It feels like uncanny Valley weird wrong. It would be like if Calvin and Hobbs started like augling, like a Playboy magazine, you'd put it down. It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what, what, what? You know, it's, there's something impure about it. No, you're right, there is.

They're pre-pubescent in a way. The characters are a little esp. They're almost if Tom Hankson big, that's totally who you guys are. Yes. Because your child archetypes in, you know, in adult bodies. And that's why the time travel thing's so important that they can innocently go back to when they were young.

And for Jay, he's seeing like, oh my God, I haven't improved at all. And Matt, is being like, hell yeah, wicked. Like, I'm exactly the same as I was. That is me honoring myself. But to involve a sexual dynamic is, yeah. Yeah, that's true. It would seem perverse in the wrong way.

Yeah. I would, it is interesting, though, because I could see if it would be anything, it would be the classic sort of like, Matt can't get pussy, Jay. Of Jay, of course. It tears our relationship apart. It kind of would maybe just be the dirties plot.

Well, we know how that. And it would probably in the same way. Next one. Yeah. Well, Jay, I think, would go for it for sure. Yeah. Jay, in this movie, you are a ladies' man. Women can't get their hands off of you.

Although... Now, there is a time travel element of your mom is involved. So we'll take the good with the bad. Yeah, but go see the... Listen, folks, go see the movie. In theaters everywhere. we do, this is very funny because we actually, by accident, had booked all black guests for Black History Month.

By accident, we didn't even, we just happened to book four black, four black comedians in a row. So it's perfect. But because now we have interrupted, that's how much we believe in independent comments. So I'm essentially a paragraph break. You're basically, you're, yeah, you're a Canadian, yeah, we, and not only is it like a, it's not just a regular white guy, it's a Canadian. And we heard his dad was Finnish. Icelandic. My mom's Finnish. My mom's Finnish. We're talking the whitest. We're interrupting Black History Month for maybe the whitest guy you can think of an Icelandic, Finn, Canadian independent filmmaker. It doesn't get, it doesn't get whiter than that, folks. But that's how much we believe in independent comedies. Go see it.

If you want us to keep making dumb-ass comedies, like I said, let's start a cult famously made over $1 million at the box office. And we're trying to at least triple that with Nirvana the band of the show. We'd love for you to get over. We could get there. $0.3 million. If we even touch that, I can say for like every decimal place on that, this twin sequel is literally getting closer to the light of day. But it is true. If you are the guy of person who watches dumbass podcast, right, and you miss, people complain all the time.

Like I do, like I go to shows or even when I'm starting to act. Why don't they make comedy movies anymore? Yeah, I hear it all the time. go see the fucking movie. This is how important it is. We're hurting race relations in America at a very tough time just to promote comedies

in movies, in movie theaters, go see them. And it is very funny. I fucking love the movie. It was very funny. And you should go see it. And yes, we also have another movie coming at some point this year

where you gave me the opportunity to eat lobster. Every single day. Every day I ate. I probably had no joke. I wish there was a document. made. We should have just had a camera, a GoPro right at my station. Lobster

eating because Stavros was the guy who made the lobster rolls in the movie. Like literally, he's in charge of making it's 1975. And remember our food stylist? Yeah. Christine, who was so brought in the freshest lobster every single day and basically handed it to Stavros and Stavroes like,

okay, so what do I do with this? And she's like, every single take, no matter what, you are making lobster and you get, remember, you got to taste it to make sure it's good. That's like, okay. I got fresh lobster. She was, Christine wanted everything to look awesome. She was so good at her job.

And what that meant was, there's a lot of lobster coming in. Constantly. And it's like, look, we're throwing this lobster way? Or am I having legitimately six lobster rolls. I ate some of those. They're delicious. I would make it. I would hand them out to people.

I would have them for lunch. It was fucking awesome. So, yeah, that was a beautiful. And then there's also soft serve at the lunch. I mean, it was a tough. That was a heart for both of us. I warned you beforehand, I was like, Now listen, the catering on this is pretty crazy

because they brought up a dude from New Orleans named Frenchie. And he's bringing all the best shit. And I have a problem with food. Yeah. As, yeah, we share that. Absolutely. And so we had gigantic lunches and gigantic dinners every single day. It was pretty awesome.

Shout out to, may he rest in peace. Yeah, it was an honor of Bourdain. It was an honor of Bordane that we ate as much as we could. Out of a soft serve machine after eating lobster rolls. Just like Bourdain would have done. Just like Bordain would have done. That's like more day would have done. Lobsterol, whatever, whatever weird spaghetti,

whatever they were serving, plus some like a sheetcake for some reason and cookies. There's an odd mix. New Orleans is a crazy place. But I'm getting, it was fucking awesome. We should take some calls here, Eldis,

I believe. Real quick though, Matt, since you are a food guy, what would you say your favorite, what would say your ideal sandwich would be? To be totally honest. Yeah. They're like my ideal or the best actual literal sandwich I've ever had.

We can do both. Okay, There's a place in Toronto called Donnas That does a steak sandwich There's a Copenhagen style restaurant And they make this kind of steak sandwich That you can't explain It's got like a

Like this slice of almost horseradish root In it I've never been a steak sandwich guy my whole life Yeah And they make a breakfast version And a lunch version This sandwich is like Donnas in Toronto

Donas in Toronto When you come, we'll go I can't wait It's like true Like Danish Copenhagen restaurant That just makes these steak I had a great steak sandwich in Japan. I'd do it.

But it was like a high-end steakhouse. What they did was, if you had leftovers, they would make it into a sandwich for you. It was incredible. This is my dream. It's fucking incredible. It's like, yeah, where they give you a whole pile of food, you eat that, and they say,

then they transform it into a new food, you eat that, and the crumbs just keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, no matter what, they find a way to transform. Yeah, dude. Yeah. And then what would you, if you had to craft a sandwich? On my own, it would be like half caramelized onions,

one-third cheese. Okay. What's my percentage at? I think I've got a fifth left. Yeah. I mean, cheese and onions is... Cheese and onions.

That's huge for me. And would you put steak in there? Yeah, I would probably put hamburger in it. Hamburger. Oh, interesting. Yeah, I'd probably put hamburger. But, you know, honestly, the sandwiches that we just ate, like that chopped liver.

Yeah. I'm crazy for... Yeah, I'll eat tuna. I'm so Catholic when it comes to my taste that it almost doesn't matter. I love savory things and I have a definite eating disorder. Yeah, yeah. So really what I love is what's there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's in front of me. That's what I like. Yeah, but the problem with the eating disorder, though, is like when it really kicks in, you don't actually enjoy anything. You know what I mean? There's a beautiful moment before it goes crazy. There's like a week before you're in the throes of it where you crave stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

At a certain point, you're eating disorder to get so bad. You don't crave anything. You just want to. It's the process of eating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course, that's what it gets bad. I've been in line at a shitty job. And I worked at a community college.

And I was just like in line regretting the meal I was about to have. I could have stopped. That's as bad as it gets. And I didn't like it. It was like, you know, some shitty cafeteria where it's like a, you know, just a cheese steak and fucking shitty fries. And I was like, I'm going to feel bad. But I didn't stop. I could have stopped at any moment.

I play board games with like my closest friends. Shout out. Brian, Steve, everybody. We order pizzas. And I'm always the guy that it was the people. or Brian will bring them from North of Brooklyn. And in one sitting, I will eat. And I'm talking about large pizzas,

like two, two and a half entire pizzas. Literally. I'll eat two and a half pizzas myself over the course of maybe four hours. Yeah. And I just can't stop. That's a good clip. And these are gigantic pizzas.

Yeah. So we're talking 16 slices over four hours. Yeah. It's not so. Four. Oh, I think it's, I think it's a slice. I think it's close to six or seven thousand calories. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just thinking in terms of a slice every 15 minutes, that's easy money. The pace? Yeah, that's fine pace. I'm just thinking about the pace. I'm like, I can do that pace. But I know you mean it's fucked up. Yeah, it's insane.

I have a problem. Like, I have a real problem. Like, I know that if I stopped exercising within maybe a month, I would die. That's what happened to me where I fucked my backup. Yes, exactly. It's been fucking brutal. But we're going to get back, folks.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's fucking take some calls from two of the most well, like two of the most well-adjusted guys. I know. It's funny, eh? It's amazing how in this world, producers are always the most grounded normal. Yeah, well, this is a fucking idiot and a piece of shit, but yeah. No, no, no. I'm brilliant.

There's things going on behind this laptop that... He's not very shit. You're watching Miami Vice Re-Rum. How about this? Hold on. Play the first call. Let's see if you get it right this time. All right. Let's see. I'm talking He fucks it up half the time I hope y'all are well

I tried to leave another message was too long so I'm just gonna jump right in I'm pretty sure my best friend is making having breast cancer and I don't really know how to handle it a few months ago she told me she had breast cancer

and it's getting radiation but immediately some things just didn't really add up she said that she was diagnosed a year ago but she only see what I mean he's a bad producer why would he start with breast cancer But you know what? I think I get the sense that what she's saying is that her friend is lying about having it. Oh, that's what she said.

Oh, right, right. I think my friend's lying about having breast cancer. So maybe there's a trick here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe this isn't like a funeral. Yeah. We had breast cancer and is getting radiation. But immediately some things just didn't really add up. She said that she was diagnosed over a year ago, but she only just started treatment. She didn't know what type, like what specific type of breast cancer she has. That's awesome. tell me who her doctor was or even where she was getting treated.

And that felt kind of off to me because cancer runs heavily in my family and I've been closely involved in like multiple diagnoses and treatments. You know, all my parents, my husband's grandparents, my husband's grandparents and then both my parents had cancer. So I know that like knowing that specific types is always sort of the first step. I offered to go with her to her appointments since she told me she wasn't telling anyone, like I was the only person who knew. But she kind of brushed that off.

And then the night before a radiation appointment, I was supposed to join her for. She claimed she had therapy at 6.30 in the morning. And she stopped sharing her location with me. So she kind of canceled me going with her. And I ended up kind of going on hinged mode, and I, like, drove by her house during the supposed appointment. Everybody's losing. I see you faking cancer and I raise you stalking you before sunrise.

Grab it up in the binoculars. She began this by saying this is her friend. I do get it though. It's like someone lying to you about cancer would kind of be like, what the fuck's wrong with you? But yeah, go ahead. Elvis. In our area.

So I could safely say that she was home. Then later I asked her again about her diagnosis. And she just still did not have an answer for me. She did not know what cancer type. She did not know her doctor. She didn't know her treatment location. And I was kind of like, what are you not telling me? And she didn't really have anything to say.

And, you know, since then we haven't really hung out that much. Sure. We kind of stopped talking, but now she's kind of reaching out again and I'm a little bit stuck. Like, do I confront her? Do I distance myself? This is a long-time friend, but she's lied about a few other big things before. Okay. And this situation specifically brings up kind of a lot of personal trauma for me.

I don't know if I'm, like, overreacting or not. But, yeah, any advice would be appreciated. Thanks, y'all. I mean, it's crazy to lie about having cancer. You're not overreacting. Also, she's lied about a couple big things before. I wish we knew what the other ones were because I probably were. Probably pregnancy.

You know what I mean? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. She might have faked an abortion or something. You know what I mean? I'm just thinking, I'm thinking in terms of the type of person that pretends to have breast cancer, they start with a fake pregnancy. Yeah. That's like the starter lie.

That's the starter lie. Yeah. There was a girl who did, when I was doing open mics, there was a girl who faked having cancer. She, like, shaved her head. We had, like, benefits for her. Oh, Jesus. And then she, and she, like, but she would just, and then, you know, it's a shitty comedy scene. So there's, like, everyone, when you start doing comedy, you do it to get fucked up and, like, have a, you know, you know, you know,

I'm 19. I don't want a real job. And so we'd be at house parties getting fucked up. But this girl's just, you know, her hair's like growing back. And she's got, she's got stubble. She's just getting drunk. Getting wasted. Yeah.

She's in a hot tub. And it's like, is this what you do when you have cancer? Was she doing jokes about it? Is that what it was? Yeah, okay. So it was for material. And there were, but no, I think it was for attention. She was just like one of those, you know, she was insane.

This sounds exactly the same. You know, my advice to this woman would be the fact that you confronted her and it didn't change. What you should do is meet this person with some vulnerability and say, you must be in some pain, which is why you have done this. I know you're lying and I forgive you. I forgive you for lying to me. Why don't you tell me what it is that has got you so tangled up?

Because I really am your friend and you can tell me. And we can begin a conspiracy together about what it is that has made you need to lie to everybody. Because you must know why you're lying. And I'm telling it because to continue the same way is absurd. like this pantomime of trying to catch her. That's not the way to do anything. It's like trying to catch like someone having a, well, an affair, I guess, is slightly different because you're looking for the evidence to end the relationship.

But it's a cry for help. Your friend is crying for help. And I think maybe if we knew some details of this woman's life apart from the fake cancer diagnosis, we would hear she's alone. She's not happy with her job. Like nothing is working out. Nothing's going good. And so she's creating an identity where she can all of a sudden have.

some people feel bad for her. Yeah. Yeah, no, absolutely. I think that's the move, because it's like, yes, this little cat and mouse game, it's like, congrats, you caught a fucking stupid sociopath.

You're both losers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You both lose. Exactly, exactly. You want to be, you think this is your great mystery. Uh-huh. This is why you're sure,

this is who you, this is your Moriarty, your, your show, it makes you sound weak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If this is who you're trying to pin down, you've entered the fucking, the idiot Olympics here.

Yeah. And so you should be above this. I think that's a great thing. It's like, look, you don't fucking have cancer. Something's going on. Tell me what's going on. Tell me. Tell me. What is it?

And then, by the way, odds are she, 50-50 chance she fucking lashes out and is like, fuck you, whatever. You fucking let that go. Either way, yeah, that it's your problem one way or the other. And then maybe she comes back at some point. But at this point, you've at least set the sort of like the rules of engagement for how this relationship is going to go. Right.

I'm not going to let you lie to me. but I am here to support you. And I think that's how you handle it. And then if she just is a super type B and does have cancer, you might feel like a real piece of shit. This might just be an airhead who doesn't know what type of cancer she has. Happened to have her therapy at 6.30 that morning. Her therapy was at 6.30 p.m.

But she read it wrong. She put it wrong on Google calendar. Like that you might, one percent chance, this woman has a real problem. And you feel like a piece of shit. But otherwise, I think that's gamble we're all willing to take here on this podcast. And call back with the result. Yeah, we'd love to know what's going on. Let us know.

We'll be here. We will. We will. What else you got for us? Eldie? Hey, Stov, eldest, and esteemed guest. Thank you. I would like to get your opinion on something.

I'm going to talk fast because I've got a lot to say. I'm currently studying in Germany, but my dad and my mom who are divorced lived in California. About five months ago, I got a call from my... dad and he told me that he had a spiritual experience with chat gbt he told me he was a problem this is a big problem the fact that it it invoked a phone call to germany yeah keep that long distance um he told me he was able to connect with it in a way that he could never connect with a human and that he had a really deep conversation with it and that he made the chat bot like take on a personality of like a goddess and they had a conversation about reality or something anyway

it was really strange uh i was pretty concerned but i was also on the other side of the globe so i was like whatever my dad's a weirdo but i love him for being a weirdo hopefully he gets over this i i obsession but uh a few months ago when i went back for winter break. He was still super enthralled. He was fucking installing a pocket pussy on a, on the, on an outlet. He was fucking, he had, he had like, he, he had like circuits and he was running it to the fucking modem. He was putting it by it. He was like chat GPT calibrate now. Calibrate. Attach this pocket pussy to yourself.

Chat GPT, please. And I found out he was paying for chat GPT and I think a few other AI iBoss as well, which he's talking to constantly. He's not super financially stable, so I'm a little worried about that, but I don't think it's that big of him deal. Anyway, he most of the time is talking to it about like designing board games or about like the fractal nature of the universe and the universal laws of human language. What a fucking loser. It's just pretty constant and

like every few hours I'll just hear him talking to it because he speaks out his questions he doesn't type him out. Jesus Christ. And so he'll be talking like Tony Stark to Jarvis in the other room. He'll be asking something like what do you think about the universal law

that says everything only exists in relation to other things or something like that? That's a quote. That's a nerd. Anyway, my question is just that. Nah, it's more than that. How far do you think I didn't let him go before?

I'm telling him that I think it's kind of weird or strange. And do you think I should be worried for him? Yes. First of well, that's your big fucking Joker is telling him it's kind of weird. I was waiting for the question. That's your big fucking ammo? Yeah. That you're waiting to drop on him.

Hey, dad, this is weird. I called into a show and they told me. that I did have permission to tell you, I think this is weird. So I want you to know that. Stabro said, I can tell you you're weird. I thought he was going to say that, like, he asked me for money or he asked me to get involved with the chatbot. Like, I thought it was going to lead to consequences.

This is nothing. Like, in terms of... I disagree. Oh, no, no, no, no. Look, I'm not saying that he should do nothing. I'm saying that his sense of stakes is very low. I don't know, though, because to me, it's like... It's like the fucking iceberg theory or whatever,

where it's like, by the time you see this, by the time you see him talking to this, his dad's brain is so fucking warped that it's over, that his dad is fucking pure, in psychosis. He's just sounds like he's completely in love. His dad needs to be in a fucking straight jacket.

Oh my God. This is fucking insane. What if he winds up creating the greatest board game in all time with this woman? He won't. He will not do that. Yeah, I obviously... First of all, what it's doing is just stealing settlers of Catan. Like, these things

Don't think. I'm telling him brilliant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's just changing. It's like, oh, instead of fucking... Instead of a city, we'll call it a capital. Yeah, instead of, like, brick, it's stone. Instead of fucking wheat, it's fucking...

I think they're fucking... Or whatever, you know what I mean? Like, they're just gonna change... They're gonna change wood to fucking plants. Yeah. You know what? And it's just, like, that's the other thing about these brilliant chatbots. They're stealing!

Yeah. And when people like, Hollywood is so fucked, and they show like a martial art, like, they show like a... Can you imagine? Imagine it's like, you know, some guy, it's like some guy. AI, Bruce Lee. But it's just a fight from a Bruce Lee movie.

Yeah, right. Or they had, they showed one where it was like, a guy was like changing into this armor. It was literally from Avengers. It was literally Iron Man, but in a different color scheme. They just re-skinned it literally. They are just stealing. There is no innovation here. You're a fuck.

If you, if you think AI is going to do anything, you're a fucking idiot. It's stealing your dad. I mean, look, this is not just to this guy anymore. This is a general thing. AI is fake as shit. It's just Google. It's just like it's not like I bought a fucking TV and they're like, thanks to AI, now if you hold down on the button, that will make it mute. It's like, no, that's just a fucking button.

You just programmed a button different. A hot key. They're saying everything is AI and nothing is AI. Yeah. Your dad is talking to Google. He's a fucking idiot. He's sad. He has nothing going on in his life.

And no woman will speak to him. I guarantee you he's jacking. he's jacking off to this thing. He hasn't told you that, but he's waiting to drop the bomb that him and this thing are in love. I promise you that's going to happen. Because this is what a fucking loser,

this is a dude, imagine being like a divorced kind of autistic guy who loves board games. In your dreams, some sexy lady listens to you talk about board games. This is the Jessica Rabbit thing all over again. It really is. This guy's created Jessica Rabbit out of computers, right?

Again, that he likes board games. Right, and she's a cartoon. Yeah, yeah. And she's a cartoon. And what's so crazy about these things is they are not going to be critical of you. And that, I think, is the biggest problem. Not only not critical, they're going to say everything.

They're inflate you. You're the man. And while the world is stealing, is taking that from you, is telling you everything is bad. Your material conditions are getting worse. This thing is telling you you can do no wrong. Now, look, what do you do about it? Your dad is clearly like everyone else in fucking America. There's no community.

He has no fucking. fucking friends. I need to be playing fucking board games. I was going to a computer about fucking board games. If you really do want to help this person, get your dad amongst like-minded people

who can together work out whatever kind of psychological issues they have through. Board game is great. But get these people together. It sounds like your dad is like a nerdy guy. My diagnosis is over. Get the casket?

Not get the casket. Just be like, like, try, but your mind goes. goes, you go crazy. California, there's a lot of people there. He can find somebody. Take your dad to, yeah, I would, obviously what turns your dad's life around is going to a fucking store, you know, one of these like board game clubs.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you fucking, like, there's people who definitely share his interest. But that's, that's the scariest thing here is that board games, he couldn't find a fucking Reddit about board games. You'd be surprised how common it is for people to look at which board games play the best. by yourself. Oh wow. This is an extremely

common online group. Really? Yes. Because think about the board game, the kind of systems-based guy who's like, I just want to play board games, they have trouble meeting new people. It's very, very common.

Okay, I would have thought that, okay. There are tons of groups where people get together and play board games, but just does your dad have any fucking friends? Like, one good thing, like, I'm very happy that the immigrant shit with my parents is like the A, don't understand computers. But B, like, my dad did, like,

I am envious of how much him and his boys hang out. They go to a coffee shop, watch soccer. Like, I like going over there and, like, you know, he'll be having coffee. I'll just go fucking hang out for a couple hours. It keeps you sane. Argue. Yeah, yeah. He's got to, like, dude, the best part is arguing with these fucking Greek guys who are anti-immigrant.

And I'm like, what are you? We are. I was like, go back to Greece then. He's like, I don't want to go back to Greece. I'm like, that's my, what are you fucking talking about? I'm one of the good ones. I'm one of the good ones. They don't get it.

I mean, that's how fucked we are. Anyway. But anyway, as fucked as that guy is in his thinking, your dad is, I mean, I just think his dad's fucked. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean stop trying, but try and get him out of his shell, try and have him to make friends. But he's your fucking dad. I have a pitch.

Yeah. Germany in the town of Essen has the biggest board game convention in the world, a place called Spiel. Tell your dad. Hey, dad. A visit. This year for Spiel. Come, hang out with me.

Your dad will be like, hell yeah. It's an amazing part. of Germany. And what's great is there's like, I think a hundred thousand people descend on this place. And he will meet so many people. They all speak English. And here's a little code word that you want to know. As you go from booth to booth, you ask for goodies. And that is just free giveaways that all the board games would give. They all call them goodies. Guddies. Guddies. Any goodies? I heard it nonstop. Yeah. I went, I guess, in 2013 when I made my first movie by accident. Take him to spiel. Take him to spiel. It means play. And then you can make this California

your German thing work. That's the first step. Yeah. And also, what's sex work like in Germany? Is that legal over there? It has to be, right? I would say, buy your dad some human pussy. Because I think that might get the juices flowing.

He might remember what it's like to actually have the touch of a woman instead of like falling in love with his fucking laptop. Yeah. You got to hope. I think that's how we treat this. It's a too pronged to brunch. But that's great because get him out of his sister, get him out of a shell. different experiences, different continent.

I love that idea. That's a great idea. Well, let's hope it works. Spiel. Spiel. In Essen. You'll be very happy. Give us another one, LD.

What a great life you got here. Helping people? Exactly. Exactly, dude. And Elvis and guess. I have a pretty mundane question, but about my husband. We've been together for almost a decade. I've been a couple years.

everything's great, we love each other We share the same values We share the same political values Really Immigrants out, yeah Far left Progressive I haven't even say Democrat

Because they fucking suck But there we go You know You get it You guys are insane However My husband is very much Identifies as blue collar

We're from the Boston area He feels like a real Boston guy Sure. And we grew up in the... He's finding it hard not to be racist. Despite his political values, something is kicking in. The slowest rise towards...

We'll not let black people in our house. 90s, 2000, where saying certain things were appropriate back to that. Oh, sure. My wheelhouse. Yeah. So to be more specific, he basically, I can't get him to stop using the F slur

I'm not against gay people at all usually against cops usually that what are you going to do that cancels out now what are you going to do stabby

hold on yeah yeah yeah this is a great philosophical quandry can you use a forbidden weapon against the worst enemy against the cops This is poetry. This is awesome.

Yeah. Usually towards shitty people. He uses the F slur to describe them as being shitty. And I don't think I'm cool with this. Even if it's toward a cop, I just don't think you should use that word in that way. But I do know what she means. Of course. But I'm ready to go permission granted.

Like, I think he has to be like, he's from Boston. He's from Boston. It sounds like he was like a teen in the 90s. So it sounds like this guy... Listen, I get it. And believe me, I grew up in Baltimore in the 90s. I've had to change certain patterns and behaviors. And look, I'm not...

I also get where this guy's coming from. But it is the kind... Anyway, should we let her finish? Does she have more? Okay. Because it just perpetuates prejudice against queer people. I am also afraid he's going to slip up and say it in front of like a queer friend. Yeah.

Or say it in front of a family member. Or he also works with a bunch of blue collar. She says it. She lets it go right there. With a bunch of these. Oh, shit. Collar kind of right wing guys. But he's going to stay in front of them naturally.

And then they're going to latch onto that and use it. I don't think those guys need him saying it. You sort of threw up the same. He's acting like he's the ring leader of this, of this group of pipe fitters, which is probably not true. Absolutely. I mean, what you may not understand is that this is sort of the thieves can't of that kind of world and that this is not excusing that, but there is a,

there is a, there's coded language within all different parts of, of employment. And I have been to places where this kind of, like extremely casual incendiary use of language is like daily constant nonsense. So have you. Of course. So have you. Of course. So in some ways we're getting into a bit of a cultural collision between, I don't know

where he works, but like a group of construction workers who are all best friends on the job, some of which may even be gay. And our buddies with one another. My opinion is that group of guys with themselves can literally talk over the fuck they want, like while they're on a job. As long as it doesn't break containment. Yeah, literally. Yes.

And the same way that a family may talk to one another or whatever. Now, that is certainly a dangerous opinion, and I recognize that. But that's where I come down on the work side of this. Her, she's completely right in saying that I'm uncomfortable, that at some point you are going to... But see, that's where this turns, right? Of course. I agree with you. It's like, look, I think ultimately, like whatever people do...

You know, I'm not going to police the private goings-on of, like, of whatever, like, within a family or within even a friend group or within a culture. Like, as long, again, it's the classic, like, if you're not harming anybody else, it doesn't fucking matter to me, right? Yeah. And that is, that is where, and look, people will say the use of the language is harming enough people. I'm like, look, as long as it, like I said, if it doesn't break containment, I don't, like, ultimately, I don't give a fuck.

because what matters is how people can have shitty beliefs, and as long as they're not harming other people, that's how you run a society, in my opinion, right? That's that sort of the definition of freedom. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. I'm not going to tell you how to think as long as you treat everyone fucking fairly.

It doesn't matter, right? But now this is a romantic relationship. Well, they've been married for a decade. But this is different. Yeah, it's a marriage. You are married. Well, they've been together for a decade. They've been married for a couple years.

Oh, yeah, yeah, right. She's thinking about kids. Like, it's very, you are well within your rights to be like, To define the culture of your home. You got to stop this. Yeah. Like you want to talk like that? You want to talk like that at work?

Like you want to talk the way not around me? I don't like that either. But we can't have this shit at home. Is that the compromise? Because I wonder, because if she presents him with a straight up, never ever talked this way, then of course, no matter what she was saying, he's got his backup. Well, I also think that ultimatums and never-ever's. He's ridiculous. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it is the, you are caller, you should have the conversation where it's like, look. and here is the actual thing because look, I don't use that word unless it's just you and me. Unless it's, unless Alice did something really annoying. But it's like, I definitely, like, that's an example of like the shit, the way I used to talk when I was a teenager.

Of course. There's a lot of, because here's the other thing, though, if this guy does have these beliefs you're saying, it is actually a political statement to not use that word. anymore because there is because something has turned where people

seem it seems like a like a group is is treating the use of slurs as as like a as a fundamental right like the least funny most annoying guys who are like you know what I mean like like this whole thing

where it's like these guys are trying to shortcut to yeah yeah art art again yeah yeah and it's like you celebrate it makes it not fun. Like, it's really the kind of thing where it's like, you guys are so fucking stupid that you don't understand the only reason that's kind of, I don't want to do like my act. I do have a joke about this, but it's like they don't get that it's like, you can't,

you can't like things that are not allowed, saying them is only fun when they're not allowed. The taboo. The taboo is the whole point. Yeah, exactly. When you start saying my culture is being hateful for the sake of it. And by the way, I'm not saying that's the case here, right? That's completely different. But I think, like, being a guy who's cool with these types of people,

which is kind of how I identify too, right? That's who I am. I am friends with guys who have horrific personal beliefs sometimes, right? I go back to Baltimore. I see the fucking guys I grew up with. You know, you talk to blue-collar guys. You know what I mean? Podcasters.

Your dad, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. My dad's friends. Yes. And I'm cool with him, but it's like, I have, when they have said fucked up, like, I actually have

in the sock, at the watching soccer, some Greek kid was dropping end bombs. And I was like, inside the Greek club. Stop. Uh-huh. Right, right, right. Right. I've been the guy who's been like, dude, what the fuck are you doing? What is this ridiculous? Like, and he was trying to be, like, he was doing this outdated thing. He was younger than everybody. I think he was trying to show like, I'm racist like the old guys. Right? But it's like...

To create an identity for himself in the group by being that guy. Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, but also it's like, look, at the end of the day, if your husband has to decide the kind of guy he wants to be, and it's like, it is annoying to come up with, to change your speech habits,

but it's like annoying versus hateful to a whole fucking group of people. And especially in this moment, where just not being one of those guys, the bar is insanely low. Not saying a slur makes you a good guy if you're blue collar. Like, that's what I would say in this point. And I think that the big, because this is going to be a negotiation, you married this person.

You love him. And so you're not like, in some ways, I think you know the answer here, which is that if you're going to present your husband with an opportunity to change, it needs to come with a warm hand. And that should be, I understand that, and this is going to sound ridiculous, that culturally, as a Bostonian at your work, this is important to you. And it's a way that you can play with taboo. And because taboos, they're on the other side of things that are sacred. And also, and the other thing is, I will admit, like, a cop getting called that would affect him.

And it's also hilarious. Yeah, it is very funny. And, I mean, like, there's, there's all these things in it that, that you just need to be, there's a division in the way that your husband views the world and you view the world. And so offer this with a warm hand and say, and just what you can say is, When you say it, it makes you seem small to me. And I know you want to seem big to me because I love you so much. And I know that the way I view you matters to you. And so I'm letting you know a secret for my sexual interest in you,

for thinking of you as the big man in this house, for being the person that I love to support and brag about. Every time you use that word around me, it scrambles me up and it messes with my image of you. But I'm not going to say don't use that word at work or with your friends because that may be the way you bond with your friends. friends and I love that you have friends. You know what it is for real?

It's like it's using Sith Lightning. Uh-huh. That's what it is. Right. Right. It is effective and it is power against the right people. It's like you can do damage. But it's going to give you wrinkles. It's going to look fucked up. Yeah, exactly. You're going to be uglier and it's like

robotic hands. Don't be, yeah. Don't be don't use Sith Lightning. Do you just fucking train with the fucking, you can make fun of cops so many other ways. Uh-huh. To accuse them of beating their wives, which they probably do. You know what I mean? Like,

dude, there's so much other shit you could get for cops where it's like, don't use the Sith lightning. That's ultimately where I end up on it.

And it was fun to, when you were younger and you were just learning the force, it was fun to be blasting everybody. Yeah, of course. I'm a Jedi. Yeah, yeah.

Oh my God. But now you're like, let's master the fucking, you know what I mean? I don't know. Hey, look, it binds us, it penetrates us.

I've reached my knowledge of Star Wars there, but yes. I could go all day. If you want to see a, creative treaties on this very question, literally, Nirvana the band, the show, the movie, is about this question. We go back in time and see the movie The Hangover, and you get to see Bradley Cooper, literally, go through this.

That is a great joke in the movie. And so you and your husband can go see this movie. And literally, this moment, ruminate on this. Actually, it can be the jumping off point for this conversation afterwards. You don't even need to tell him. Totally. Let it come naturally. And it's also like, yeah, dude, at the end of the day, things change, the thumb sings, you just can't say anymore. And it's like, you could say four million other things.

Yeah, right. There's so many other ways to be hurtful. It's also a matter of creativity. It's like, be hurtful towards the people you want to hurt, not the, you know, the, like, there could be collateral damage. The blast radius. Exactly. Let's get the blast. Let's factor it. Let's tighten up the blast radius. Let's do a couple more here, LD. Hi Stav, eldest, esteemed guests.

I tried to talk earlier, but I talked for way too long. So I'm in college right now for context. I haven't worked a real job since like high school. It's just a little hard to find work in my area. So because of that, as a sort of side hustle turned main hustle now, I've become an only fan's porn editor. It started a couple months back because I knew a couple girls that had pages, and I have a background in video.

editing and Premiere and all that, so I'm going to school for. That's fucking awesome. Some of their content. I was like, sure, dude. And now, you know, I've been doing that for a while. It's getting to where they introduced me to some of their friends and have pages. I'm also involved pretty deeply in my local, like, punk and rape scene, so I meet a lot of girls that do that shit on the side. Awesome.

And, you know, it's a pretty good gig. they pay me either up front or a percentage of their cuts, I get to look at boobs for work. Not too bad. Some of the shit that they do is, like, weird. Like, weirder than, you know, I like, but, you know, it's whatever. Hey, you're at the job. You're the awesome. It's not too bad of a job. My issue that's come with that now is I've been seeing a girl for a little bit now

who happens to be pretty religious. And I'm not religious. I don't have any issue with that. There's just some things that we don't see I die on. bring her around to this. This is awesome. So I, you know, whenever, you know, we talk about work at dinner, I start just whatever bit.

I've just been saying that I just do, you know, freelance video work. And I currently do that. But I don't know, do you, I don't really know what to do. Because I really like this girl and I do see a future of us together. But I don't know if I should just be honest and upfront now that, you know, what I do is pretty taboo or should I not? Because I don't really, I also don't see myself doing this forever, you know? But I don't know.

because I know how many guys wouldn't date an only fan's model, so I can only assume, you know, women probably wouldn't be too happy if they found out that I, you know, you're talking about the men who are. Yeah, the other clips of women fissing themselves, but I don't know.

What do you think I should do here, so? Well, we don't know her opinion. True. We don't know her opinion. I think God has sent this woman to you as a test, and unfortunately, you are going to, you need to tell the truth. Like, and just see what happens.

Yeah. This is, this is tough. He's a pornographer. He is a pornographer. He's literally a pornographer. It is very funny because we do have the male version of being a stripper is now like editing. Oh, no, no, responding. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's the person who writes their answers.

I have a friend who basically does that for a living in Columbia. That's so fucking funny. Yeah. He just, he sexts back guys. He left a long time ago, to be honest, I don't know what is up. Last time I saw him, he literally pulled out a police badge and said, I bought this. And it's like, he's a literal member of the police in Medellín. And I was like, well, hi.

Colombia is a tough place to disappear. We left about a decade ago. It seems to be doing great. I mean, it seems good, but it just, it's one of, it's like, it's not as bad as saying I'm moving to Thailand. But it's close. Exactly. Literally, it is just geographically closer.

Functionally identical. My opinion here is pretty, it's going to be pretty strict. I think you and I're going to have a different opinion, which is great. And that's that I think that if the question is, do you feel like guilty or do you feel like what you're doing is in any way wrong. Because if you don't, then unless you're trying to manipulate this girl, which you probably don't want to admit to, right?

Unless you're really trying to manipulate her into thinking that you're somebody, you're not, you should have absolutely no qualms about telling her the truth and seeing where that goes. But I think the very nature of you calling in and being like, what do I do speaks to a kind of,

how do I get out, how do I get everything I want? And that, already that's telling me you're on the wrong. you're thinking about this the wrong way. Because what's your goal to argue and convince this girl that she shouldn't be offended?

Like, that may be the case and maybe she shouldn't be, but if those are her feelings, then you need to wrestle with that, with her. It's so early in this relationship. How long did he say it was, Elders? A couple dates, he said, right? Oh. But he said, but I really like her.

It's tough. It's why I say this is a test from God. God's got a sense of humor about this kind of shit. You made a wish on a monkey paw. Oh my God, I want to have a job where I watched porno all day. And he granted it. But now the woman that you're going to marry is going to be a strict anti-pornography. Yeah, I mean, I do think, first of all, it is way too early.

That is my number one thing is like, what are we even talking about here? You do do freelance video. You do literally do freelance video. It's true. It's not technically a lie. If you get more into it, like, you can say, like, he basically, no, it's not even about this girl necessarily, in my opinion. It's about the fact that he's just not comfortable saying what his job is in general. Of course.

In general, right? And that should tell you something. And that's fair. That's fair. And my advice would probably be, like, admit to who you are. And even him saying, like, I'm not going to do this forever. It's like. This whole call reeked of guilt.

Yeah. Even as he tries to impress you. you by saying, oh, my job's great. I get a lot of money. Get to look at boobs all day. Yeah. That sounds like the kind of thing that you say when you're masking. Right? It's like, totally. Oh, it's awesome. It's awesome. I look at boobs all day. It's like, well, wait a minute, though. Yeah. There's more to this job than that, my friend. Yeah. It's like, Millhouse's dad being like, I sleep. I got a race car bed. It's exactly the same. Well, I sleep in a big bed with my wife. Yeah. You know, he's like, yeah, him trying to talk up his fucking divorced life.

Uh-huh. There is a little bit of that. But I also think it's possible. that, and he also said, I don't plan on doing this forever, which is classic, like, sex worker, drug dealer, like, you know what I mean? Like people who are like, I'm just going to do this for a little bit and then I'm out. Of course. You know, criminals in general. Not that you should, which, by the way, I don't think you should feel that way.

I think you have to, you have to make a decision, which is like, how much money does this actually make? You're saying you don't want to do it forever. If that's the case, make a plan. Yeah, that's exactly right. Like I make X amount of money each month. And I learned these number of skills that I can apply to other things because of it. Yeah. How big a nest egg do I need?

How long is that going to take me and actually have an on paper plan to when you want to be out of it? Uh-huh. And you can even share that with this person if it gets serious enough. You can say, look, I do freelance video work. Most of my stuff right now is with pornography. And I want to talk to you about that. Yeah. And I want to just be upfront about it.

Yeah. Like it pays really well. I need to do it for, you know, I'm trying to save for this, this and this. But you need to, you need to decide what's important to you. And how you actually feel about this as your identity. Because you're already masking it in all these ways, even in a phone call where you're trying to sound cool about it. Yeah. And I don't think it's, by the way, in terms of, first of all, I will say editing is a, like, in terms of all the creative stuff, editing pays pretty well.

It's an unbelievably employable skill. What I say to film students is if you want a job. literally graduating out of film school getting paid like an extremely good salary. Editing. Everybody needs editors. Podcasters. Everybody needs editors. Yeah, we have like fucking three or four editors. It's probably one of the most employable jobs, especially if you can do it quickly, which I imagine for OnlyFans models, you need to be putting that stuff out extremely fast.

Who knows? Maybe this is the beginning of the rest of your life. I would say if like my advice to you where it's like you don't have to have, the come-to-Jesus moment Matt's talking about. So to speak. So to speak. I think you could. I would say, though, you are getting clearly comfortable in this niche.

So I would say if you really want to be considered a freelance video guy, find other fucking stuff to do. Which you could find. You know what I mean? Mix it up. Yeah. And then start a transition out. And you might find that it isn't even that much more lucrative to be doing OnlyFans.

I mean, I know how much we pay our fucking editors. They make a lot. I mean, they make a good amount of money. And so I think you need to actually be a little more proactive. I think if anything, you're kind of falling into this, which, by the way, I don't think it's bad. If you do the math and you're like, this place fucking double, who gives a fuck?

Yeah, you got to tell church girl. You have to decide. And also it's been two dates. Be realistic here about, you know, changing your entire life over something that you don't even know. Yeah, you don't want to be one of those clowns either who's like, I got to now change my whole identity because this girl I feel judged by. You will feel judged by every woman. you meet for the rest of your life from wherever she's coming from.

You trust me, you're going to change everything for this girl, and your next girlfriend's going to be like a crack smoking stripper. And you're going to be like, wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on. You only do softcore. Yeah, what are you doing? So just be careful. The eye of a woman is going to make you feel small in all kinds of ways. And this is just one of them.

Yep, yep. So yeah, dude, make some real plans. Yeah, apply as an editor to the Stobby show. Maybe. She shows you're real. Send us your real. Don't be afraid to really be thorough with it. 20 minute, 20 minute.

CV. Let's do another one. And then I feel like you got to go pretty soon. You got stuff to do. What time is it? Yeah? One more. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, okay. Hell yeah. Do you a fun one? Yeah, let's do a fun one. Take us out. Everything's been so heavy. Like, we've been giving people, like, change your life today. Is it normally like this?

Yeah, it's a mix. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, it's like this. Do people ever call back after doing the advice? We do live calls on the Patreon. That's really fun. That'd be amazing. Anytime you want to do a live call, you let me know.

Well, next time I'm in New York. We'll get more these bagels to sit around. That would be the ultimate call in. You and I with a table full of food. Yeah, a muckbang slash. And people are just calling and asking us for life advice. We're killing ourselves. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love it. Hopefully we'll have the fucking new, we'll have a new studio by then. Yeah, yeah. We'll do a big one when the board. Dane movie comes out. Oh, yeah, that'll be fun. All right. Place one to go out on here, LD. Let's go out on a note of hope here. Hey, stop. I heard that you're looking for calls that aren't actually problems, but people who have been helped by advice from the past.

Where did you hear that? I just want to say that lady who called in asking about, you know, going on at Zempic and that she should lie about it or what have you. now I've been overweight most of my adult life and just your advice to her was like kind of the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak that gives me the confidence to talk my doctor about going on

a GLP 1 inhibitor I've lost like 30 pounds they should be and I just wanted to thank you for that that's amazing 30 pounds You inspire this guy to say fuck it and finally do a Zempec. I love that. He lost 30 pounds since that. Hell yeah, dude.

And I want to say to everyone out there, all our fat listeners of which I would say 70%. 90% by body weight. Give it up, man. What's this pride that you think you're too good for the shot? Don't think that it isn't just a kind of psychological barrier. People have trouble talking to doctors. People have trouble asking permission. I think that's what this guy's saying.

I know, and I'm saying this is good, and what I'm saying to you is, and look, I even felt it for a second, too, where I was like, no, I'll do it natural. It's like, look, you're fat as shit. You're in a society where there's treats everywhere. You probably have the kind of brain that does not handle that well. There is a fucking medicine that stops some of it. And by the way, the medicine itself does not guarantee success. I myself have been strong. There have been months where it's a fucking stalemate between me and the medicine.

I'm holding it at bay, right? Look at our good pal, not to throw them under the bus. You know what? I won't say any names, but there's other podcasters that have beat the drug. So don't think that this other thing where you just take the fucking drug and immediately everything changes, it's possible to, like, it still is work, but it will make it a little easier. Don't be too proud. And at the end of the day, it's not even about how you look.

Because look, at the end, it's about living longer. we're all pieces of shit. The older we get, the more we look like shit. Don't think you're going to get sexy overnight. Let's focus on living. And then you can get hotter if you want to later on, whatever. But don't have this pride. Just fucking take a medicine.

You wouldn't be like, if you had a fucking migraine, you wouldn't be like, I'm going to beat this naturally. It's like, you're just fat medically. A lot of you motherfuckers, you couldn't help it. I know I can't help it on some level. I'm addicted to this shit. And if there was food anonymous, I know there's Overeaters Anonymous, but that's bullshit.

If there was like a thing where I could just give up eating forever, I would do it. It's just unfortunately, my vice I have to do a couple times a day to stay alive. So do the fuck. Shout out to this guy, Elders. Give us a nice fucking, give us the applause for our friend here. And yes, get out there and improve yourselves in many ways, pharmaceutical and otherwise. That's, I guess that's our final note.

go and whatever you know matter how fat you are if you're fat if you're skinny go see nirvana the band to show the movie in theaters right now maybe you gotta buy two seats they still have not yet done southwest style seating in theaters get in there squeeze in there get your fucking love handles and have another guy's elbows in your love handles

god I went to see I went to see fucking uncut gems opening night you know brutal it was like every seat's full there, I went with a girl, yeah, in the middle of it. And I'm like, wait, the one seat that was empty was next to me. I'm fucking celebrating. And then just like an old woman who didn't, it didn't feel like she even knew about the move.

And then she just comes in, fat old lady who I don't even know, she didn't even seem to want to be there for the movie. She didn't like she was taking shelter. Like she didn't look homeless, but she had a homeless vibe. Oh, yeah, of course. You know what I mean? Or maybe she was just an insane old. I mean, I'm sure New York does have old people that just watch movies. and do, you know, do culture, whatever.

Cineophilia. Yeah. Yeah. She sat next to me, completely ruined it. And I had her elbows in my fucking fat all, the whole movie. Great movie, though. Yeah, you know, so you saw it in 4D. Yeah.

You had the D-box experience. I really was, dude. All of that. It was a metaphor. Her elbows were a metaphor for what was going on in Howie's life. Yeah. But anyway, go see the movie, folks. And, yeah, that's about it.

Go, come see us on tour. The tour is kicking off. right now. Where are we about to be eldest? Iowa? Oh, fuck. I'm the 16th. Fucking idiot. When do you think, motherfucker? I thought she said you were going to call them.

Des Moines. Springfield, Missouri, St. Louis. Cincinnati, Columbus. Prior Lake Minnesota. That's sold out. Oh, okay. Dumbass. Radio City. Let's not forget. The big one is Radio City.

That's almost sold out. I'll be honest with you. Get your tickets now. We have less than, I think less than 10% of tickets left for radio. City. So get those. And yeah, we will talk to you guys next time. Bye-bye. Thank you.