Stavvy's World - #170 - The Kid Mero

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

The Kid Mero joins the pod to discuss hosting Mornings with Mero on Hot97, how he now has to wake up at 3:30am for the new gig, his podcast Victory Light, Albanians, witnessing his Dominican dad live his best life and get mani-pedis in retirement, getting kicked out of Catholic school, and much more. Mero and Stav help callers including a woman who thinks her husband is sus for asking for a special move in bed, and a guy who can’t get over how his uncle tried stealing the inheritance that his father left for him years ago.   Subscribe to Victory Light with The Kid Mero on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/VictoryLight   Follow The Kid Mero on social media: https://www.instagram.com/thekidmero https://www.youtube.com/@accordingtothekid https://bsky.app/profile/thekidmero.bsky.social https://www.tiktok.com/@thekidmero   https://www.threads.com/@thekidmero     Thanks to our sponsors!! Ziprecruiter - try it free at https://www.ziprecruiter.com/stavvy Visible - https://www.visible.com/ switch now! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!!   ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!   🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets   ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Opa, welcome everybody to Stobby's World. 9-04, 800, stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. Very happy to have on the couch. Our boy, the kid Mero. How we doing, bro? Thanks for coming, man.

Yeah. I've been trying to come out here for a minute. Fuck, dude. I'll just be screening your emails, dude. The second I heard about it, I was like, yeah, let's get him on. So this fucking, that's the problem when your gatekeeper is your dumb friend. when your booker, your talent booker is truly your dumbest. I mean, one of the dumbest guys I know,

it controls so much of my life and career. It's fucking scary, dude. I was very smart. I was very smart and also racist. I was like, yo, you know what? I need a very intelligent Asian man. Smart, you know, sometimes, you know, get in there. Like the man train, God damn.

Yeah, yeah. It's a freaky man. Shit, L, did you hear that? You're about to get fucking, you're about to get replaced. Hey, come on. You're best to be replaced by a Vietnamese guy. No disrespect to Asians. But they can't do what this Savan Albanian brain does.

Bro, you open up a pizza area in the Bronx, bro? Exactly. I'm just trying to raise seed money for my Greek-slash-pisa place that I'm playing. That is a classic Albanian move. Every Greek restaurant is run by Albanians. They come in, they steal our trade secrets. And then they open up. Yeah, it is very funny.

I'm sure. I can't even, it makes me sick to my somebody to think about who else we're not getting on the podcast. Oh. Because Elders is not looking at his fucking emails. Doug. It's if I look at his, if I look at it, he probably doesn't even log, I get, I get emails from him from his personal account all the time. We have a business account. I, everyone's got the Stavi.biz.

He's got Elders at Stavi.combe. I have not received an email from Eldis and Stavi. For years at this point. He probably doesn't even know the fucking password. That's my professor. He's scared to tell you. He's like, yo, listen. been homies for a long time.

He doesn't know how to reset it anymore. I don't know. They keep sending a code to a phone. I don't, that's not mine. Somebody else is getting the code. I've been too embarrassed to ask. No,

no, that's real sure. He's not laughing hard enough. And so I know part of this is true. That's my professional screening email. That's the first line of defense. Then it moves over to the personal. Bro,

I actually, I ask me how many times I'm like, yo, what's the password to this? To the business email? again? Oh man. It's like, dog, it's in a Google Doc. We all have it.

Yeah, if Eldus, it was the keeper of the passwords, we'd all be fucked. Oh, man. Luckily, we do have a system, a four-pronged system. I have, I literally hired three of my best friends and, you know, between all of them, they're one good employee. That's how it goes. I had like a night that took like five hours one time. I got my new phone where I was like texting Ben.

I was like, do you know the TikTok password? I was like, hey, look out for this code. I think it's coming to your phone. what you're joking about is how this business is wrong. You know, listen, it happens to me all the time, except it's with my child who is 10 years old. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I bet your kid would be almost as good as held.

They would definitely understand technology much better. My son is, he would be freaking it up here with a bad lisp. You know what I'm saying? Read him below grade level. But I love you, baby. Shout out to him. You'll fix that lisp up any day now, buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's definitely going to watch this shit, too, because he watches everything that he's not supposed to watch. Shout to Avery. Shout out to Avery. Yeah, I mean, the problem with, and we'll get to you, but let's keep shitting on Eldis here for a little bit.

The problem with Elders is that I don't, so you're from the Bronx, you know, you're, you deal with the, who you know, the Albanians you know. Salts of the earth.

Which feels like an Australian racial slur. It's a low. I don't know if it is. Let's believe it out to be. The L is doing, that's a load-bearing L. Yeah.

If we lose that L, we're both. really fucked actually so everyone and let's just spell that out a L B-O okay you know what I'm saying because the crazy shit is like

they would like I hung out there's a big Albanian population of yes yes yes Shal the Pullen Park Ray Lidegav yep you know dude's name Lizar you know what I'm saying like but they

they in the mix you know what I mean like they're in the blending it not I'll say blending in but like part of they more I said the same They're more Latino than the Puerto Rican Italian hybrids. You know what I'm saying?

Right, right, right. If you cut Puerto Rican with anything, Albanian is over. Bronx, Albanian overtakes that. A hundred percent. And the point I'm trying to make is that Eldis is absolutely not that at all. His family came, they were, they actually came through Greece. They were refugees in Greece, came straight to Baltimore. His family took up, he, now he did he not, they took him out of the Albanian community in Baltimore.

So he's a, he's like, he's like, if he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, He basically grew up in essentially a zoo. Oh, shit. He's not a free-range Albanian. Free-ranged Albanian. He's not. He's not organic Albanian? No, no, he's not grass-fed.

Eldis, Eldis is like, you know when like a fox gets domesticated and like pisses everywhere and it's excited and it's not wild anymore? That's Eldous. The real Albanians, I should have gone for, they're at least, they're bringing something to the table. They bring that Albanian resourcefulness to the table. Eldis has none of that. Eldis read, Elders was reading French literature.

high school. I'm not outside, like the Bronx, Albanian, sadly. Not outside, inside, reading Madame Bovary next to his grandmother, who was knitting. That's the kind of Albanian we're dealing with. No firearms. No, no, no, multiple families. His more Albanian friend tried to show him firearms and he got scared. Oh, no, right. In fact, come. Yeah. Come on. What are we doing? What are we doing? Are you throwing this up? Oh, yeah. is awesome. Albanian symbolism is, they have a lot of good stuff.

That flag is, is... The flag is incredible. It's crazy, too. Yeah, yeah, it goes crazy. It's kind of like, it's kind of like takes all the... You know, we're in a time where we can't really... Like, in the 90s and 2000, you could almost do backhanded compliments to like Nazi style. Oh, yeah. It could be like, listen, the uniforms were good, the colors team.

The other stuff? All bad. Now we can't even do that, unfortunately. They've taken us to even, you know, We can't even talk about dusters. They're bad. You know what I'm saying? Yes, absolutely.

Floor length. Even the man, they've kind of hurt the Matrix rewatch now. You're like, I'm watching it. I'm like, ah, damn. Thank God there's no red accents. That would really be tough. Think God it's all black. The two albinos twas to fuck me up now.

I'm like, oh. That's a good point. Are y'all the perfect? Are y'all the final situation? Is this commentary? Is this commentary? But the Albanian flag kind of has that vibe with none of the supremacy. Yeah.

You know? It looks like something blood related. Yes. You know what I'm saying? It looks like an offshoot of the blood. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like the white Muslim bloods.

You know? Would have a double legal, which exists. And I think that's how, that is what Albanians are pretty much. White Muslim bloods, right? You know what I'm saying? In the Bronx all day. There's some, there's some mountain tribalism going on.

Sure. You can see that in the flag. Sure. There's the blood oaths that they still, you know, uphold in part of the north. The country's still in parliament. That's how they get fucking laws pass. is the they have to take blood oaths probably. Their problem is just them smoke of parlors.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they don't have C-SPAN because it's so cloudy in there from all the smoke. That's Albanian fucking, the legislative body. Actually, we have to cover them on Cush Brothers, actually. We do a news program, Cush Brothers, where we smoke weed and go over the news. And there's a lot of good Albanian stuff we have to get into. But that's a little tease for an episode that might have already aired because of the way we do business here on the outside.

If you ever need a guest to come smoke, read and watch news with you. Howl at me? Do not listen to, Miro, we will take you up on that. We don't. Don't. Careful what you say. What are you doing right after this podcast? We're trying to book this month's Cush Brothers right now, actually.

So careful. Let's go be a father. Four hour. Oh, sorry, honey. Sorry. Sorry, I missed ourselves basketball game. And he was waiting outside in the snow and shorts. I had to get high with Stavros and watch the fall of Tenorife.

Oh, fucking YouTube. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah. But anyway, so that's enough. We started a strong Albanian up top, which I am sure you did. Yeah, I mean, in the Bronx, that is, they're out and about. They got a foothold. Yeah.

They got a foothold. Yeah. They got enclaves. They got plenty of enclaves. How's it going, man? The congratulations on the morning show now, that's fucking huge. That was, when that announced to get through, I was like, that's perfect. Yo, that's so good.

Thank you, man, because a lot of people said that, and I agree. You know what I'm saying? Not because I'm feeling myself, but because, much like the Kush brothers, I was in the back of a car, getting high, listening to Funkmaster Flex. Sure. Memorized the phone number. Like, mate lied and told people that that was my phone number when I had to give out a fake phone number. Like, yo, 7-1-8. I would just change the 180 to 7-1-8.

You, 7-1-8. Like, two, two, three, nine, seven, nine seven, you just call me up, call me up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's me. But yeah, not. But, and not doing it, I'm like, oh, shit, this is ill. Except my circadian rhythm is fucked up. Yeah, I was going to say, it's kind of the thing of, like, you're having a dream and then getting it.

And you're like, this is a fucking real job. This is a, yeah, I got a. It's a real-ass job. I got to fill out health insurance forms? Because you, because you, no disrespect. You come from the same podcasting trenches. And this is barely a job. Yo, you know what I'm like?

Like, this is nothing. The fact that this is the most lucrative monetary form of entertainment. So crazy. And it's the easiest, dumbest one. It's the one people like the most. It bugs me to fuck out. Because I feel the same way where I've done cooler shit, like stuff that I dreamed, you know, being in movies, doing all this shit. And it's so much more work for way less pay.

And so I'm like, is that what it feels like to get to be? Because the right now you have an actual job now. You have like a. I got to show up. Show up. People are expecting you. Like, having. to talk all the fucking morning?

I have to talk for fucking two hours. I'm like, oh, you know what's crazy? I'm like, yo, this is like low, like, low-key, easier than podcasting because there's, there's breaks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, when, you know, we're just, we're just, we're on, folks.

We're fucking on. The energetic levels are out of control. You see it? Like, we're, we're dynamos out here. You know what I'm saying? Do we ever fast forward, 45 minutes? And we're like, yeah, I mean, I don't fucking know. Yeah, so, like, yeah.

Usually you're barefoot, bro, so Can I see your toes? But yeah, it's definitely a different rhythm for sure. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, it's, I'm having fun with it, you know? Like this, you know, obviously this guardrails. I can't be up there like, yo, this motherfucker smells crazy. Right, right, right, right.

Or whatever, but, you know, I got the dials. Yeah, you know. You get pretty close to that. I know, I know, because you've done TV and shit like that where it's like you kind of kind of turn it up and turn it down a little bit. Like, you can't go full stavi. I can't go full marrow all the time. Totally, totally. But you know, you give me a taste.

So what time do you have to fucking wake up? Like, that's, like, that's just for morning radio, that's gotta be like. Yeah, and I'm in Jersey now, so it's like 3.45 a.m. That's the wake up or that's the? That's like the wake up, like alarm is. That's what my alarm goes off to be like, yo, you got 15 minutes, motherfucker. To like get those last three farts out. When I have to do that for a flight, I'm pissed off.

Your life is a three. Your life, the alarm starts at three? Yo, but then. That's crazy. But yo, yo, it's got to be demoralizing, putting, typing three. I don't even type it. I'm like, yo, shut it along with a 3.45. I say, man, low, too.

I'm just like, son alone for 3.45. But I turn it off him all the way down. So when it repeats, it's like, I set an alarm for 3.45. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, I don't want to hear that shit. They can turn this shit off. Fuck, dude. Yeah, but, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. 345. God damn. And then, and you're done. What comes your work day over? Typically, like, nine, before 10. because we record the last like couple like 10 minutes or whatever is like pre-recorded

and then that shit just goes so like I could get out of it by 945 if I wanted to which is crazy because everybody was telling me like yo you're gonna have the whole day ahead of you and I'm like man do you know that I'm a fucking degenerate weedhead bro like I don't want the whole day ahead of me I don't want I want to wake up at 11 you know what I'm saying and then have that day ahead of me like yeah like what the fuck yeah dog I want to take a nap you know what I'm going to like a massage parlor just they used to shower of Please stop trying to jerk me off. I don't want that.

I'm here for a shower. I'm just here for a shower. I didn't check table shower. I checked regular shower. Why are you tickling my balls in so much? They're not sore. I'm good. I would love a non-sexual sponge bath.

You know what I mean? It would be, it would feel nice to get bathed. Like, my brother had a kid And I look at it A baby's life And I'm so jealous of every aspect Yo, it's getting bathed It's awesome, dude

Bro, listen A baby's fucking He's laying there in a warm-ass bath Bro, people completely bathing him And then carrying him to bed Fem A giant woman who you love

A giant woman who you love And then you get to suck on a titty Yeah, right Fucking half the day And it's not And you're free of Disgusting sexual urges You're free of them

You're a beautiful innocent baby Who's enjoying the platelets tonic ideal of tithies. Yeah. And of getting your little nuts cleaned. It's not sexual. You're holding your fucking feet. You're so flexible.

You're sucking on your toes while your little nuts are getting clean. Yeah. Thank you so much. I would love that. I would need a lot of hot, years of hot yoga just to be able to get back into that position. And yeah. And then like I would need to master my, I would need to be chemically castrated to not get horny if somebody bathed me.

Doug, I was telling us how. went to a pediatrician at like 12 and just being like a fucking horny 12 year old like getting a physical 12 is really the line you know what I'm saying and then just like you know getting the full physical shit they're touching my nuts and I'm like and then it was the one time

my dad took me not my mom so my dad and they're talking to Spanish because the Lactic Dominican and and bro is just like oh it's very troncoso and I was like troncoso I was like what the fuck this troncoso in Spanish for that the don't know means

girthy So I had a hog at 12 Tip your cap to that doctor being a pro I thought Dominican doctors Just immediately like Takes your dad is like We have bad news Your son's gay

But no he's a pro He's just diagnosing you with a thick hog For a 12 year old Your dad is out crying We have to move We have to start a new life In a new town This cock is so big

We got to go somewhere. People are going to find out. Droncosa is awesome. That's just great. That's just great parlance to throw into your... Come on. You know. I'm going to name a child that.

Hogged out. It is not... You know, no disrespect. It's nuts to get hard when your male doctor touches your nuts. Bro, it was just involuntary. It was just like that... Because you know, on 12 years old, bro,

like you see like something that looks like a titty. Of course. But you see a donut with like a cherry on top or something. You're like, oh, that looks like a titty. You're primed and ready to go. Immediate.

The doctor always made me nervous. Now, it was a, you know, again, not to, not to hit you with you, the, but if it was like a sexy nurse, I was always worried about getting hard. Oh, yeah. And that never happened. And one time I went to, like, the, uh, the, uh, like, uh, the dick, the urologist. Yeah. And I had like this old dude. And I was like, all right, this is perfect. I want some old guy looking at my dick. And then there was a young woman trainee. Oh. And I got just standing in and looking at her. And so I'm like, so I think I'm ready to go. I think great. Old guy. It's going to look at my little ass dick. I'm fine.

No doctors ever use the term trancoso when it comes to when it comes to my dick Let's What's the opposite of trancoso What's narrow? What's the Pequino

Well I don't know If we need pekin and Ito I don't know we need both Diminutives I know enough I know enough Spanish To know I've been double Insulted in my own

Pekunito Give me fucking Pekino Fine but Mediano Don't throw the fucking Ito on there too dude It might have been told. The ACP on blast of offices.

It was, but dude, it was like, so I'm like, all right, I go from having no worries at all to seeing this woman and getting like nervous and scared. So now my dick goes inside my body. Basically, like, there's a little, you know, the head is just peeking out. And she's like, dude, she had to like push my fat rolls to get to my dick. No, stop! And I'm like, oh. fuck, I hope this guy is gonna touch my dick and then he's like, okay, and then I see

gloves come out and I see her put the gloves on and I'm getting nervous and I'm like, oh fuck and he's like, all right, and so I have to show, first I show them my little ass dick, and then she's poking her and not only am I not hard, but my dick might be the smallest my dick has ever been in my life. And she's like shoving my fucking fat

back to look at my fucking little ass dick. You know, it was tough, man, tough stuff. Doug, listen. And she wasn't that hot, but it was still just a young woman. And I'm, and I'm, And by the way, I'm like, this is not being a kid. I'm at the urologist. Oh, yeah.

I'm like, 20. I'm in, I'm in college because I'm like pissing too much. So I'm like, so like women have touched my dick at this point. But this is the most embarrassing. This is bar none the most embarrassing of my, you know, situation of my life.

So again, like to your point, like, I'm not trying to have, I'm not trying to be in that situation. Right. You know, what I'm saying? We thrown close over here. I don't care. I don't care that I'm throwing kosso.

Like, I don't want you. I don't know if I, like, my nuts smell funny to you. Or like if they're not shaved correctly I don't want no lady looking at my dick That's a doctor So I'm with the dudes I throw my back out

On like Christmas Eve one year And I end up in the ER My sister shot the anger She drove me to the ER A doctor, a young Italian doctor With a Wu Tang tattoo Oh that's tough

It was like You know Doctors with fucking media tattoos They had a fucking big ass Wooten tattoo on his bison And it's like speaking out to the scrum And I'm just like, oh, shit. I was like, yo, he's like, so where do you feel the pain or whatever?

I was like, yo, here, here. I was like, it feels like somebody's squeezing my balls. Like, that's how much it hurts. And he was just like, all right, he's like, well, you know, like drop the pants, whatever. And I was just like, fuck, dog. I was like, and I'm just like, he's just like playing my balls and shit. How about this?

How does that feel? How does that feel? How does that feel? How does that feel? And I'm like, yo, this feels crazy. Like, yeah. Of course. And I'm hearing like the 36 chambers beat in my hand with me.

Yeah, yeah. That's tough. That'll soil some of your favorite music. Yo, what? I can't listen to triumph no more, bro. I can't. My dick ain't nothing to fuck with, bro, please. And was there, did it affect your back pain when he did touch your arms?

Like, so when he was like, oh, does this start? And I was, ah. And he was like, okay, cool. I can stop touch your dick. I was like, all right, please. We're done here, Antonio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's caramucci.

Yeah. Yeah, dude. Damn. How bad was your bad? I'm, right now, I'm sitting on a heat peg because I fucked my back up. Oh, bro. So, so yesterday I fucked my shit up again. Oh, no.

So, like, I'm like a walking injury, bro. Like, I don't know what it is about my life that after I've had kids, I'm mad injury prone. Like, I did my whole 20s, bro, I was doing graffiti, jumping off of shit, fighting. Yeah. Getting into fucking Michael Jackson video knife fights. Stupid. Just the most dumb shit ever. Yeah.

Escaped all that shit without injury. Like, real, real, real injury. Sure. now I'm fucking like putting up a pull-a-bar in my kids' doorway and I'm like let me test it out wow I fall on my neck and I got like herniated disc and shit I got hit by a car and I was like 20

and I fucked my back all the way up so I got herniated disc all that bullshit and then yesterday I'm at the station and then Rolling Stone is like yo we want to do like a profile let's take some pictures yo let's do an action shot yo can you like jump onto this couch

like just like kind of fall onto the couch so I do that and like there's like a metal bar in between that hits me like right there Like, wow. Like, it's all my heating pads. I was on that bitch yesterday like this. Like, oh my God.

Like, it was like, yo, like, yo, my dementies is coming down. Like, I need it. Nasty work, bro. But yeah, not washed, fully washed. Yeah. No, it's tough to, like, I, so I'm trying to lose weight, right? And it's like, it's, I'm 36, about turn 37. And so I'm like, all right, I keep going to the doctor and keep waiting.

Basically every year of my life, I keep being like, going to the doctor and being like, all right, there's the year that I have diabetes. You know what I mean? Because I've been fat my whole life. Fam. And so I keep waiting. I remember when I was like 22. And we had, I was positive by diabetes.

And we went and got like cheese steaks, pizza and ice cream. I literally remember being 22 and having a last meal. Last meal because I'm about to be diagnosed with diabetes. Mia, like, shout out to pasta mista in Canton. They used to have a great fecatia cheesecake. You let it sit for 10 minutes and the juices are in the, but they don't make it anymore, I believe. I tried to get the feccia.

I believe it's been discontinued. Yeah, Goldbelly. You got to prove me wrong, Pasta Mista. If, you know, if somebody's listening, let me know the Faccata's still there. Send me that shit. It's fucking. It was awesome.

But so I keep waiting and be like, blood pressure, cholesterol, I've somehow dodged all that. And I thought, oh, I'll just lose weight and I'll be fine. It turns out I've just been fucking up my back. And like, I have fucking, my discs are all fucked.

Like, now this has been a saga for me where it's like, and the fucked up thing is I fucked my backup working out and it's like that feels like it shouldn't be allowed I'm trying to not be fat dog when I'm trying yes what I got here fuck you God why did you do this to me man

I'm trying to not be fat and now I'm like and now I can do is like I'm recline I'm doing podcasts like this dude I have to be in an ergonomic chair doing podcast you know how fucking pathetic this is yeah dude I need to chase to do this podcast there bro can we take a break Elders has to fucking

some lymphatic work on me. Elvis has to fucking rub me down. I get the roller. We don't cut. We just keep going through. That's how much I respect podcasting. Just get on Monjaro, nigga. That's not like from the heavens.

I'm on the shots. Because I went, because I was at, I was like, I was, I was been big too. Like, you know what I'm saying?

Like, I was skinny until I met my wife. And then I balloon. You were skinny youth? Yeah. Like skinny youth jumping at the gym, all that shit. Like all the hell

The Al Bundy shit Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah I was gonna I was coming I was cocking it back from here

Like all I had to do Is run up the court And go like this Yeah Yeah yeah I'm like bro I can't jump over a fucking phone book Yeah

So I went to the doctor And I was just like bro I'm I got sleep apnea Check me too I'm like The shit's all fucked up

I was like I know my mother-in-law Has it And pretends he doesn't Ah see Yeah So I was in I was in Vegas

for some shit And And they fucked my rule them up and they booked me and my manager in the same room and he was like man fuck it for like two days bro let's thug it out and I was like all right cool and then I would never do that by the way eldest you're never

sleeping in the same room plenty of room on a big king bed I guess in Indianapolis where that that Airbnb had the walls were fucking but we had an Airbnb and it was like we it was like oh we each have beds other side we'll do that sometimes but this had no the ceilings

were like open because I guess it was an illegal Airbnb and you could just fucking hear everything going on. Everyone's fucking room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to run to my bedroom because Stavva's about to get his dick sucked. I was like,

right. Alice has definitely been banished to the servants' quarters. Well, I've been entertaining many times. I'll get a couple waters for the night, a couple of yogurt. Yeah,

you know, listen, there's a CVS a half a mile down the road. We need some gator light. I need to be replenished. But anyway, so you guys are sharing a room. We're sharing a room. And,

And he's just like, yo, Doug, the next morning, like, we, you know, we're having coffee or whatever. He's just like, yo, fam. He's like, you should go to the doctor. Yeah. I was like, for what? He's like, yo, fam, he's like, Doug. He's a motherfucker. Like, last night, you were, like, snoring like a, like, I woke up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like, I was snoring so crazy. Like, I thought it was like a machine going off. Like, you were snoring so crazy. Then you just stopped breathing. So then he's like, I got up. And when I went to go, like, shake you, you went like, and started breathing again.

So it was like, all right, he's good. Yeah. But then it's like, all right. So then I went to the doctor. I told the doctor that. And they were like, yo, fam, did the blood work, whatever. And my A1C levels was like, high. And he was just like, all right, bro.

We got to get this down. He's like, does diabetes run in your family? I was like, yeah, my pops has diabetes, type two. And he was just like, okay. He's like, you got to lose weight, man. He's like, he's like, you're 280 now. You got to get down to like at least 250, 240. Yeah.

I was like, all right, cool. Like, how do I do that? He's like. I was like, yo, I was like, yo, Thaka, I was like, I'm going to keep a real with you. I travel a lot. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm like, you know, I'm eating in an airport.

It's awesome to be like, well, this is the first time I've heard of this weight loss stuff. How does this work back? Is it a pill? Is there some stretches I can do? Yeah. Every three weeks that'll do it for me? This is the same guy. So he's like, you know, like, yeah.

No, he's like, exercise, stupid. And then I'm like, so when I'm coming back, like, next month and I'm just like, yo, bro, this ain't is not working. Like, I'm trying to work out. but like you said, like I'm hurting myself. Like, I'm sore. My back is all fucked up. He's like, he's like, all, man. Raid and again, A1C levels were still high.

And he was just like, oh, fuck it. You qualify for this shit. Get on it. And I was like, I did that for like a couple of months. And then my brother who used to tell me this shit because my brother was always like a big kid. And then he went away to board of school, started playing football.

Oh, wow. And like lifting weights and shit. And then he was just come back and be like, nigga, you fat because you want to be fat. And I'm like, bro, what the thing? There is nothing worse. I'm like, fuck you. Than the fat person that finally puts it together.

Yo, oh my God. Their whole life. Forgets where they fucking came from. Like, motherfucker? Shut the fuck up. You forgot all them titty twisters I gave you when he was 12, bitch, before you went away. You also used to want to be fat. Something happened to you.

You got to do your whole life around not being fat. Your parents sent you away to a school to not be fat. You feel me? It does, it is fucking annoying because it's like, dude, try and help the rest of the fat community. Don't think you're better than them. Like, yo, you made it out? Like, that's like being like, that's like you're on Latinos for Trump shit. Like, yo.

That's exactly correct. Like, yo, I'm fucking, I'm Mexican, but I'm an ice agent. Like, what's the fun, man? Like, that shit don't make no sense. Fat people talking about, former fat people, like, being like, you need more discipline. That's basically a guy, that's a Cuban about to get deported. That's a Cuban for Trump about to be deported. Oh, where?

I need discipline? Yeah. In Venezuela? Yeah. All right. I bet. Fucking asshole. No, it pisses me off.

But he got. He got, why did they send him off to boarding school? Was it like, was he good at school or was he bad at school? So both of us. Right. So both of us were good at school in the hood. So like when you're the one kid in the school that like gets like a high score and a reading and test of shit, it's like, yo, let's pluck him out of here.

Like a better chance program or whatever, the ABC shit they used to call it. And when it was my turn, because I'm the oldest of three, shot to Ingrid, shot to Tito. And when it was my turn, the ABC shit came and they were like, I bet. Like we're going to show you all these like boarding prep schools or whatever. And none of them were in New York. So I was like, bro, like I have only been in New York and in the Dominican Republic. That's it. I ain't been nowhere else.

So when we went up to Connecticut, we went to South Kent Academy in Connecticut. We're driving up there. And I'm just looking around, looking around, looking around. I'm like, yo, bro, I was like, I don't see no buildings. I don't see no motion. Yeah. I was like, it's just trees and animals. Sure.

I was like, what the fuck? So I'm like, all right, fuck it. Maybe let me give it a chance. So we get there. And I just see mass staying glass and shit. I was like, yo, is this like a Catholic school? I was like, what the fuck? Because I got kicked out of Catholic school.

I was like, I'm not doing that again. Too heathen. Right. What were you up to a Catholic school? Bro, just not shaving and having corros. They're like, yo, you got to cut those brains off. And I'm like, no, I'm not doing that. What happens if I don't do that?

You get detention. What happens if I don't go to detention? You get another detention. Yeah. So basically, I'm just never going to the detention. I'm just letting you know right now off rip. And they were like, this motherfucker. Like this little motherfucker.

Like this little asshole. Yeah. I got kicked out of there. So then I went to South Kent Academy. I did the tour with the one of the like upper classmen or whatever. And as I'm doing a tour, I'm like, but there's no bitches here. There's no holes in.

Connecticut. No women at all, like at all. So I was like, yo, where, like, what do y'all do? He's like, oh, this is another, this is an old girl school. Miles down the road. I was like, motherfucker, I don't speak in miles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm from New York City.

How many blocks? Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm saying? You know what I mean? So you weren't interested. I was not with it at all. So I pulled, I never had said nothing like this to my parents ever in life. So they took it seriously.

We're coming back to the Bronx and I was just like, yo, I think I might kill myself if I have to get up there. Damn, dude. You pulled that one out. You went to kill yourself? Yeah, I was like, yo, I think I might get depressed and kill myself. Because you went to Connecticut. Not even that. When you were like, oh, there's nothing in York, I'm like, oh, where are they going to send this guy?

You just up fucking. Up like, up 95? You're in the Bronx. You're basically in Connecticut. I got to take a train, two stops. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Y'all are bugging. This is crazy.

And I was just like, yeah, I think I might kill myself. And they were like, coma? Yeah. Yeah. Like, so I got, I skated out of that. Yeah. And then being in New York. It stayed in New York.

I went to deal with Klan in high school. I tried to deal with Klan. And my career there informed my parents' decision to be like, motherfucker, we don't give a fuck. Yeah. Kill yourself. You know? Yeah.

You don't kill yourself. Your brother's name's going to kill yourself. You're going to Massachusetts. Yeah. Okay. We'll send you further north. Yeah. So he was like, yo, so he went out there,

played defensive end and shit. It came back and like try to flex on me. Yeah, yeah. Yo, come on, nigga. Yeah. Doing the Terry Cruz, titty bouncing shit. I'm like, man, get the fuck out of here. That shit, bro.

You're doing a steady diet of New York public like, honey bun breakfast. Honey bun breakfast. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Nasty. Nasty. Nasty.

Nasty. Nasty work. Colors that are not on the pantone. Corn chips. Barbecue corn chips. Oh, man, I'm thinking of the little fucking cafeteria at my high school. Honey barbecue chips, bro, with Arizona. The Arizona iced tea.

Come on. Breakfast is champions. Salt and vinegar chips that you put with the honey corn chips. You mix those up. When people had their little fucking basically essentially jail food. Like now what we see on TikTok where it's like, you know, that's how you make an ice cream in jail? Yeah.

People were doing that in fucking high school. Yeah. Oh, man. They sell little fucking pizzas that were also. Yeah, dog. That was good stuff. That was good stuff. Yeah, absolutely.

Oh, yeah. Just the shit smoking the shittiest joints you've ever smoked in your life. Ever, bro. I rolled a joint in a bag that came, that a pizza slice came in. Oh, no. Which was just the nasty shit. The dirtiest weed in a paper bag. Yeah.

And we were just smoking it because we were like 13. Of course. It was like, yo, fuck it, bro. We got weed. And we got something to put it in. so let's smoke it. Because, you know, being in the hood, like, we did not have, like, yeah, I'll smoke out of an apple. Sure.

Like, it was like, I don't know. What's a bomb? You know what I'm saying? It was a lot of, it was a lot of, but, you know, cans. You know, I did a lot of cans, a lot of huggy, the little huggy thing. That was actually really great because you could poke the holes up top. Yeah. I learned that after.

You know what I was like, oh, this is a graffiti bomb? All I'm saying is, don't blame your surroundings, okay? You could have applied yourself a little more, a little more ingenuity. You know what I was going to say? I was about to be like, yo, I see the can thing for crack. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

And I was just like, I'm not doing that. That's fair. That's fair. If I see the crack can do it, I was like, you know what? I don't want to,

I don't want to go that far. Right, right, right. That's fair. Yeah, that is fucking hilarious. Yeah. Oh, Bob. Yeah. Let me tell you,

let me tell you something. When you use the Pepsi can, you know, you don't get the red 40. The Coca-Cola, Coca-Cola has the red 40. Tom. You got a dollar?

No, I used to know your father. I jerked them off one time. He's going to say that's a lie, but it's true. And it would have cost you just for one dollar, you wouldn't have heard that information. Yeah, that's it. It's kind of reverse. That's something more crackhead should try.

It's like, give me some money or I'll tell you an inconvenient truth about your family. That part. Because they have some information. They always do. They have some very, very important information. And yo, my man, Steve was just saying, like, outside, like, yo, what happens?

to New York City Crackas, bro, like, where are y'all at? Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, now it's like, Fent has taken over. So people are like, the Crackass used to be like jovial. You know what I'm saying? Like, I used to be up on the east side of Harlem, bro, like, just chilling. And they, like, yo, you need help.

Yeah. Yo, my cars broke down. Right. Yo, my tire, my bike tire is flat. Like, yo, Doug, like, I can't hit this Ollie right. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Like, you like, yo, pa, let me show you how to Ali, boom.

Yo, I was in Brazil with Bob Bernquist. You don't know about this? They, yeah. I had an album with Daddy Yankee. Yeah. A neighborhood crackhead, you know, that's, we, the, that's another thing of losing community. Yeah. You lose that as well.

Because I do feel like every neighborhood had like a homeless guy. Yeah. Like a very particular guy that nobody really bothered. And then when it, when it started to be like, when the homeless people started started feeling like independent contractors instead of salaried employees of the neighborhood, it's like, but what the fuck's going on here? Yeah. Who are the fuck are these guys?

Yeah, who are you? Strangers sucking themselves, each other off under this, under the underpass. California Ray. Yeah, where Larry has gay sex. Yeah. California Ray is supposed to be from here from eight to eight. Why are you here? And why are you jerking her off?

What the fuck is going on here? Yeah, dude. So your parents might, so they didn't send you to fucking boarding school, but they sent you to the DR for the summers, right? All the time. Every summer. The classic. Is that a Greek thing, too?

Greek people would do that. We never did that because my family just didn't... My dad was very overprotective. Which is interesting because he was not personally around. Right. Like he was... He didn't like leave the family, but he never... It's like we spent quality time together.

But the second you were like, oh, I'm going to go to like my friend's house. Or I'm going to go, oh, send me to Greece. He was like, no, I have to be there. And part of me's like, I don't want to... My hypothesis is like, did he get molested? You know what I mean? Yeah. Did something fucked up happen to him where he...

He's like, I'm going to avoid those. My kids can't be. Because he wouldn't, he didn't want us sleeping over, even like our bed. Like I never slept over. Not until we were like older, did I. Was I even allowed to sleep? I've known how it was since we were in kindergarten. His house.

And it's like, his family in particular, it's like, come on, man. You've known them forever. Also, I could take them. You know what I mean? These Albanians can't hold me down. We would have fucked your ass up. No way, dude. Fuck you.

And so, but I don't know. Did something weird happen to him? but I never got that but it sounded kind of fun because all my Greek friends that would go sounded kind of nice you know they would all go over there they would swim all day

Yeah it's like you're on a beach and shit Like you got a third cousin that you don't really know Yeah what was the setup for you like So it was it was you were your grandparents I'm guessing It was like my grandparents aunts and uncles like it was you know It takes a village Because it was literally a village

Like they were sending me to Mao Byrida Mao Yeah Google image that shit there's no it's the only part of the island that's like not next to water right you know what I'm saying like you feel this I'm swimming in the river and shit like all that type of shit but I have fun bro because I'm like oh I'm ahead by myself you know what I'm saying like as soon as I say two words in English like I'm getting my dick wet you're a celebrity I'm saying oh right dude I remember showing Greek he's in a village a dollar and then being like oh whoa it's an American dollar

yeah no none of that unfortunately never got slurped it was all just dudes being like cool and then they would go and run a train on a girl. And I was like, I was like, I'm good guys. I don't know about all this. I don't know about all this. It was real villager stuff, man, where they're like, to them it was like, ah, they're almost like mad a woman had to be involved. They're like, ah, we're not gay, but four of us.

Like, they were like, oh, they would like smile and wistfully tell the story of like, you know, jeeing out a woman with their like, like, uncle. Yeah. Like, it was like a family bonding experience. Me stop twist shorty last week, bro. She was fire. It's on the Patreon. I know, dude.

That really is, that is some true villager shit across cultures. Yo. Is they just, everyone seems to be okay with, it's commis. It's more communal. Everything is communal, I guess. It's like you're used to it.

Eating, pussy, everything. Like, eating, fucking. Bathrooms, like there's one bathroom in the fucking, like, tenement. It's like tenement style getting your dick sucked. Straight up. It's like, each building comes with.

with one slam piece. One, one, one elite eater per building. I'm talking to the super, you know, there might be two, but it's going to raise rent.

You guys decide. You want one? Or you want to pay up front? Come on. You got a old one. We got a young one. You know what I'm saying? But the price is going up.

It's Sith Apprentice Rules. There can only be two. Yeah. It was fun. It was fun. you know what I'm saying like and I got to honestly like it gives you perspective you know what I'm saying when you go back to New York and shit and it's like yo my lights when I turn my lights on they just stay on yeah yeah yeah absolutely when I go to the toilet there's water in it like you know what I'm

I'm not in a latrine you know what I'm saying totally totally so shit like that but then like you know I would I would come back and want to go back and be like damn I miss this shit bro because it's very like you know they shut everything down at noon yeah you know what I mean it's a very different kind of like lifestyle and shit. And like my parents tried to like keep us in that like in that kind of like that culturally in that mindset or whatever. Which is crazy because men and I were talking about that shit like Greeks, Albanians like don't move like regular white people.

No. You know what I'm saying? Like they move like like actual immigrants. You know what I'm saying? Absolutely. No that what you're describing I also, that was good for like we would go as a family for a long time. We would go there's like three or four trips we took and we go for like five or six

weeks. Yeah. And it was like, yeah. that kind of lifestyle, like getting into that rhythm of like the afternoon naps, the like just everything is about hanging out. It's a culture of hanging out. Yes. You know, it's like spending hours just getting coffee.

That's the plan. Yeah. The plan for the day is I would hang out my cousin and I'd be like, dude, what are you up to? He's like, oh, my friend, he works at a bakery. I think I'm just going to go drink coffee while he makes bread. And I was like, that's what you're doing all day. He's like, yeah, I'm going to come back, sleep till 9 p.m. And then try and fuck some girls.

Yeah. But that's what I was in. And I was like, that's actually fucking awesome. That's fucking fire, bro. Like, I'm with that. Yeah, like, I remember being young and being like, that's the whole, that's what I'm doing in Greece. It's like, why am I here?

Why? I'm not at the fucking, you know. I was pissed because they wouldn't take, because like, we would spend a lot of time in Athens. And it's like, look, Athens is cool. But like, it's like, it reminded me of Baltimore. I'm like, I'm just in another city. There's no, like, if we were at the beach, you'd be, I was like, that's what

that's what I was pissed out. I was like, why am I just, yeah, why am I fucking going? Like, I spent so much of my time watching sex in the city with Greek subtitles. And just fucking, like, I'd watch American TV with Greek subtitles. And then, like, the funny thing is my cousin would take us to go to their, like, knockoff blockbuster. And they rented, they just, they burned all the movies. They would sell you, the knockoff blockbuster would sell you a chip to put in your PlayStation. Oh, let's go.

And it would let you play bootlegs. So it would just be like a guy would write FIFA on marker on a CD. And like that and that was fun. But part of me was like, why the fuck am I here? You know, instead of like just I could be playing PlayStation and watching TV and. But at the crew, you know, at the same time, I was like, you know, you're getting some quality time with your family. Yeah, that's what it is. You know, the dinners were nice and the hanging out.

And it's like, yeah, I missed. That's how I'm trying to live my life. I'm trying to get back to a very hangout based. That's the shit You could argue the podcasting is just hanging out. It's hanging out. Monetized hanging out, bro. You know what I mean?

Except, you know, all this is not baking bread. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's the shit. Like, my dad, like, I went to go visit my dad, and it was the same shit. Like, he woke up, woke me up, and he's, like, dressed. And I'm like, oh, like, and my dad is like, salt to the earth Dominican dude, like, HVAC technician. He's there now. He's back.

He's like, he's a snowbird. Love that. You know, I'm saying, like, back and forth. And, you know, but he, my entire childhood was just. watching him grow, what was watching him like work with his hands. Yeah. Do all this stuff.

Now this motherfucker's getting manicures, pedicure. So like, we go to the fucking, where did you are bro? It's crazy. How was your dad? 60, 69. Very nice. Yes, 69.

70-year-old man getting fucking many. He's awesome. Yeah. So, and my mom hates it. Yeah. Because like, so my dad's like, he's coming awake. Meanwhile, my mom is there.

Right. So both my parents are there. My dad comes and wakes me up. doesn't wake fuck my kids fuck my wife like everybody he just comes and wakes me up

he's like yo you ready and I'm like ready for what he's like yo we're gonna go down to the

Cormado which is like a grocery store he's like yo fucking chuchis over there like I went to high school with him

like he's working over there all right cool so what we're about to do yeah he got a couple beers for us over there wow

all right so we're just sitting there smoking cigars drinking beer hanging out kind of awesome and then like yo he's like

yo you hungry yo who's hungry yo who's hungry yo who's hungry yo you hungry? motherfucker? And then the guy in the moped comes with like food 10 minutes later. I'm like, how did that happen, bro? It's awesome. And then he's like, I know we're going to go, poppy, we're going to go fixing you don't nail. You're going to get a pedicure, pedicure.

Pedicure. Pedicure. Pedy. Pedy. Yeah. So we go there and, you know, we get pedicures and shit. And I'm like, everything in DR is mad cheap. Like services are wild cheap. So I'm like overtipping and shit because I'm like, I feel weird like, which is crazy because you'll see a Dominican dude and a ran down outfit. with the freshest lineup you've ever seen in your life. Because the lineup is like 10 cents. It's cheap as cheap as fuck. The clothes are expensive.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, like, we're sitting there getting pedicures and shit. And I'm like, this is wild. Like, I love this for you. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm watching my whole life. Yeah. This is what you need.

You were slaving away. Word. Like running a rat race in New York City. Like, not knowing speaking like broken English and shit, made it through. You were tired. And you're here with my mother. You don't have a second family. Right.

Which, you know, Odds are. We were the second family. You know what I mean? Really? Yeah. I met my older brother William at like 25 years old. I was like, yo, I was like, who's this thing that look like me? Why do you look like me and my dad? And you got the same balding pattern.

Holy shit. That's incredible, dude. He was like, this is your brother, William. I was like, I was like, I'm doing that. That's so good. Like, you know, every time I see him, I'm like, yo, what's so brother? That's fucking hilarious. He's like, oh, and his kids are like, yo, hey, you on TV.

Tia, Tia, Tia, Tia, Tia, here, he's on TV. I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, I'm going to get it up though. I'm going to leave you these sneakers. Chill out. Yeah, yeah. I'm good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's $20. American. I don't hold you down for the whole year. That's fucking, your dad, your dad took a mulligan in the Bronx. He's like, he's going to go, he's going to go fucking fix H-ch-back. That's funny. But then we leave and we go back, and then my mom is. just like mad passive aggressive.

Just being like, yeah, pedicures, yeah, he's just over there talking to the hose like buying beers for all them bitches over there.

Where's that money coming from? Huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, yeah, me, me, chirping out of him. He's like, why you getting jealous?

My dick don't even work. Like, my dad's, like, like, he's a hilarious asshole. That's fucking awesome. Bro, so my mother-law.

Weaponizing your fucking, your E.D is awesome. 100%. Yeah. Like he makes the, like, he'll say the wildest shit. Like, my mother-in-law and her wife were at my crib. And he's talking to Claudia, her wife, shout to Claudia. And I'm with my boys in the corner just, like, chopping it up about whatever.

And my man Jimmy's just like, yo, your dad is, and Claudia, like, mad deep in conversation. Like, what are they talking about? Like, whatever, whatever. And, like, he's just like, yo, this is wild because he don't even, his English is, like, so, like, basic. Yeah. Like, what could they, they've been talking? for like 27 minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What the what I'm talking about? Yo, so they break whatever, boo, boo, bo, whatever. My pops comes over and, and Jimmy's like, yo. He's like, yo, Tito, like, what were you talking about that whole time? And he's like, eating pussy. I was like, yeah, what the fuck? Just picking the brain of an expert.

He's the brain of a seasoned lesbian. A seasoned veteran? I was like, yo, this is, I was like, yo, bro, he just dropped that shit. hell it's like, see, what motherfuckers ask me? Where you get her from? Respect, dude. That motherfucker right there. That's fucking awesome. Eating pussy. What are you think?

Yeah, yeah. That's incredible. Look, I got a lesbian here. And to him, that's him being enlightened. Yeah. That's him like, I'm not fucking kicking her out of my house. What are you talking about? I'm asking her about eating pussy.

Come on. That's so fucking awesome. I know. There are times, I mean, you know, me and my dad have gone back and forth with our relationship and I'm trying to like, stay on good terms Like, you know, now. It's rough, man.

It's tough. You know, especially that generation. Immigrant dads can be tough. Man. But there are moments where it's like we connect. And I'm like, that is exactly where I get that from. I showed him my, I like redid my, I have a place in Baltimore and I redid the bathroom. And I got like a fucking hilarious, you know, Japanese toilet that like fucking, you know, it opens when you walk in the, it's like.

Yeah, yeah. And my dad's like, what the fuck? He was like, he was like, oh, what is that like, oh, let me guess that clean dress. I was like, yeah, actually, he's like, what? He's like, does it suck your dick, too? Immediately right off the bat. I'm like, that's where it is. Thanks, dad.

That's where it fucking is. It's in the DNA. He's like, oh, does it suck your dick too? Like, fair question immediately. You know? If we were in Japan, maybe. Maybe. I don't have that.

I don't have that aftermarket fucking fix. The tariffs. The tariffs. The dick-sucking attachment to the to-do. To the to-do. Which is crazy because in Dominican Spanish, Toto means pussy. So, like, imagine being a kid and, like, going to school, and every urinal says Toto.

I'm like, and my dad's, like, you're pressing, you think it's the pussy button? You think you press Toto and a pussy comes out and jacks you off? You're putting your dick in the urinal cakes. You're like, pussy? Why is my dick burning? But it's supposed minty fresh. This is beautiful.

We have to apply some of this immigrant logic to our callers. Let's get it. What do we got, my friend? And by the way, when that comes on is you fucking up the audio, God forbid you say anything as the producer. Nah, that's good. We'll get it in post. Don't worry about it.

And folks, don't complain to me. I was like, I'm going to let it go once. If it comes on again, I'm sure Eldis will address it. He did not. I want it on record. if the sound is bad, blame Eldis. I've been hearing it,

but we got some engineering magic we do behind the board here. I can't wait to fucking hear what bullshit what weird AI that steals all our data Eldis downloads

to try and get this smoothed over. He just gets it he just hires Indian guys on Fiver to just dub over what we're talking about. It's just like in Mexican-Hispanish

is like, yes, very truncoso. Yes, troncoso. He, no, troncoso.

Takeito. All right. What do we got out? Let's play us some call here. Hey, it's Dobby. Eldist guest. Third time trying to do this. I'm trying to reduce down the story.

I'm sorry to Eldis. You'll send the other messages. I've been with the same woman for the last two and a half years or so. And I just recently found out that I was kind of a side guy to a guy that she was for five years. And I was completely unaware of that. She spent every night with me. to the most part, and then she would sneak away and spend one day a weekend for the most part with him for a handful of hours and then come back. How are you the side guy?

Come on. She's living with you, and you're the crib and you're the side guy? What are you talking about? You're the leaseholder. She was cheating on you. You weren't the side guy. She was cheating on you once a week. What the fuck are you talking about, dude?

Yeah, that's crazy work. That's incredible, like, mental gymnastics on her end. She jiu-jitsu this guy. Because in some ways... You, I've been with him for five years, though. True. That makes it cheating. That makes it...

No, I'm having an affair with you. I love you. Exactly. Because there's a... There's something romantic about being the guy that you're cheating with, right? That means, I'm not betraying you.

I just have... I've met you after. It's more complicated. It's so romantic. This assets involved. Yeah, but being the guy getting cheated on, there is no romance there. There is just like, you're being fucking...

So this is, this woman, I... Salute her for gaslighting him in this specific way. But let's finish up. Maybe there's more. And so that's just the way that she lived her double life and lied me about everything. I suspected some stuff throughout the relationship, broke up with her a few handful of times because things just didn't really make any sense. And she would talk me down, you know, say all the things, gaslight me into thinking that I was crazy, you know, all the things, whatever. And I did that because I care about her, love with her, like lovers.

tremendously. I've been in other relationships not my first one. You're soft, bro. You're mad, soft for that. You soft, bro. Bub, blah, bitch. Yeah, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo, boo. Boo, boo, boo. Like, yo, yo, chill.

Yo, listen. Yo, come on, dog. Being a side piece as a guy? That's like every dude's dream. Like, I don't got a dude. He wasn't, though. He was getting cheated on. That's the thing. Yeah, man.

Yeah, he was. Sorry, champ. Let's, let's, what, do you have more eldest? A woman for nine years prior to this one. So it's not that I'm wrapped up in that. We just had ways, we had so much in common. Way, laid too much in common. Just a little tiny things.

And facing a future without that person is just obviously pretty scary. So I'm battling with myself about whether I want to try to make this relationship. What? You know, work on someone. We broke up, obviously. And I did get pretty much converted over to the A side. of that, I guess. So she was spending more time with me

and caring about me more and whatever. What? She's just trying to fight with myself about whether I really... Oh, no, man. But I just, I care about her a lot. Thank you guys. Dude.

Ah, come on, bro. Now you made me feel bad before you a bitch. Now I feel back because you're in the middle of it and I get it. And he is. Don't get me wrong. We were right.

But we've all been here. Yeah. We've all been here. Emotions. Nobody can control your emotions. Your heart has a mind of his own. Yeah. To clarify real,

he did say they are like broken up as of this call, but he's still weighing, weighing what to do. Now, don't do it. Don't go back there. No, because no, you coming back is an implicit approval. Yeah. Oh, you can do whatever you want. Right? Yeah. Go crazy.

Now, look, people would tell, like, certainly people have survived infidelity, like relationships. It's just complicated. Somebody, almost, it's in her Google calendar repeating. once a week getting dig it wasn't like I met me and my ex bumped into each other we were fighting I made a mistake I meant it's not and look some people will say I don't care

even about that you know and it's it's truly person by person right some people will fucking let some people want to watch their wife get fucked some people don't even want their significant other to like you know emotionally they don't want them flirting with people which listen

everybody's got to figure out what works for them this to me though is not this is not an easy one this is not the kind of shit you can forgive and it's also like I don't know that I could trust this person that part that is that shit is totally at the window

I mean I guess I guess to be fair like this wasn't even like if you're dating someone for like six months right and you never have that discussion of the like what are we and are we exclusive and she spends most of her time with you but like occasionally fucks other people

but you never have the discussion that's different than two years. She's at your fucking house five nights a week. And once a week she fucks the same guy. If she was fucking a different guy every week, I'd be like, something. But what are we talking about?

How you got to join custody of the pussy, bro? That's crazy. And you're the mom. The other guy's the dad. He gets it on weekends. So I guess that's a positive being the mother of the pussy custody battle.

You're the primary caregiver of the pussy. You're attending the PTA meetings. But yeah, dude. Labia's doing great. Great to have in class. Yeah, pH level's good. A pleasure to have in class.

Very generous. Everybody loves her. The whole class loves her. She's so warm. Very. very, very open. So, but after mocking you, we see where you are now. Yeah, fam.

You're in denial. This is the denial phase of a bad break. 100%. And you're even, you're even saying you're the side guy. You were not. You were getting cheated on. Fame, two years. Now look, there might have been a moment where you guys were early in the relationship

where she was dating both of you. There was a switchover occurred where you're the number. And maybe this, really what this is, this is a legacy side piece. The other guy, she was probably cheating on whoever she was dating with before with this guy and she carried that over. That happens.

A lot. People carry over side bitches a lot. A lot. A quite a long time, right? Because you know, that's, and you need, you actually kind of, from a logistics perspective, you need a very specific type of trust. Oh, dog.

With a person if you're going to cheat routinely with them. And that's the thing. If someone you know is going to hold it down. Yeah. They stick around a couple relationships. Doug, and if you got like, listen, and this is like gender neutral, bro, because this is like goes both ways.

If you got a premier, like, D1 Eater, bro, or like somebody that's like, like, and who does not want more. Right. Literally doesn't want more. That's what he wants. It's literally happy. Let's just have sex, bro.

They're going to stick around. That number is still in your phone. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? And if that, in fact, to me, that's the sign of if it's serious, if someone goes away from that person, They're like, if they break up with their number one slam piece for you, that's real love.

Yeah. That's real love. This woman was not there with you. Like, yo, I'm never talking to Nancy again. I love you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the intro to international players anthem. You know what I mean?

It's like, it's like, it's Andre 3000's worse. Where he's like, I had to let them all know. No more dick from me. That's it. I've told every cutie around town. So anyway, you're in, you're in denial. Yeah, fam. You can't go back to this woman.

Don't do it. I did it. over. Oh, really? I was there. I was in that situation. And it was, it was my ex who started as a go-go dancer, which is like the, you know, go-go dancing is a stripping pipeline. Of course. Like, that's just like G-League. Sure. Yeah. You was in the G-League, then you went to the biggest. You got tithes and you got tithes and you went to the league. Right, right, right. So she was getting a jump shot. Yeah. When did you get your jump shot figured out? You got to the league. She was in the live with Hakee. She got the back to the basket game down and shit, though. Fake tities are post moves.

He's like, yo, I got a drop step now. Yeah, I think so I'm all about this. Like, yo, check the fade away. It was crazy. I'm going baseline crazy every time. Yeah, yeah. But, yeah, no, it was a situation like that, you know, but younger. Like, I'm in my teens, whatever, like, 18, 19.

But, like, being with Short was with Shorty for a couple years out of high school into, like, college or whatever. And just, like, not, like, seeing, like, yo, hold on, like, you're a dancer. You know what I'm saying? Like everybody's, first of it was like, And you're young. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? It's one thing if someone's like truly, it's their job and they figured their shit out. Right.

But young being exposed to that much. You're just trying to have fun. You're having a good time. You're just having a good time, bro. You get skied up. You know what I mean? You take a Molly where everybody. It's going to be weirder if she wasn't cheating. Right.

If a 20 year old sex worker and they're not, and they're a part, and it's like party type shit and they're not cheating. That's weird. They have, they have a weirder mental illness to me. You know what I'm real? Like, I want to be. I want to be. I want to be monogamous.

Yeah. But I just want to sniff coat with this rapper and leave when he pulls his dick out. It's kind of strange not to at least suck him off for a second. You know what I mean? You can be like, ah, not really my thing. But you're going to try. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway.

So that happened and I was just like the denial stage is like, yo, no, like, no, we could, yo, we can work through this. It's like, bro, don't go back there. The head is not that good. I'm saying it's, listen to me. Yeah. Don't. He's been through it.

Don't walk past. Don't walk back that path. You know what I'm saying? It's nothing good It's going to come of it. You know what I mean? You got to move forward My brother.

Yeah. Sorry, dude. It sucks. Like stop set, bro. Like, you know, you're in the denial stage right now, you know? We've all been there.

Yeah. That's classic breakup stuff. Even when you don't get cheated on, part of you's like, no, maybe, you know. And here's what I tell everyone is like, okay,

if that's the fair to tell you want to tell yourself, it's possible, but it's only going to happen if you completely let go. Oh, yeah. And you come back to them as a completely different person years later.

So if you really believe, if you want to believe in, you know, bullshit romantic shit, it's truly the let it go and if it comes back to you. But it's not let it go, secretly check her Instagram stories. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

Four times a week. It's like, get everything out of here. Out. No contact. Move on with your life, brother. Stop fucking someone else. A hundred percent. Like, get into some other shit,

you know, go to LA fitness runs. Yeah, it's over, dude. It's over. Yeah, man. Come on. Poor guy, though. I feel for him. For Baffy, be like, I'll send you a...

I ain't going to send you shit, man. We won't either, to be clear. Whoa, stop, here. What's going on? What's going on? Holy shit. Oh, where are we, dude? It's time to fucking...

What's the time for? Wow, Twisted. It's time to keep it twisted. It's the twisted-ass, motherfucking fucked up-up-ass question of the week. Brought to you by the motherfuckers in Twisted Tee. Yeah. We keep trying to get them to cancel this by being vulgar and it never works.

And that's why we fuck with Twisted T. That's why you're our most cherished advertising partner. They know what they bind into. Thank you. What's the twisted-ass fucked-up-ass motherfucking question of the week, Elders? Hey, Stav. Hey, Aldis. Hi, if there's a guest, hi, guest.

Hey. I need advice really bad. I'm going to try to put this as briefly. possible. I got my girlfriend pregnant. It's looking extremely probable. I mean, Texas are coming up positive. There's no point in denying that this is really happening. Keep it twisted. We've thought about this a lot.

Hold on, just real quick out this. The last call, maybe that's the twisted call. Maybe it's not an innocent human life in the midst. It's just a guy who got, that was the textbook most twisting call I've ever heard is a guy getting cucked for five years straight. That's twilight. Quisted. This is a guy.

Let's keep going, I guess. Let's give you the benefit of the doubt. You hear the urgency in this guy's voice. I thought he had to pee. He's trying to open a door to go to the bathroom. Oh, brother. All right. Go ahead, Eldis.

We've thought about this a lot, and we are deciding to go through with keeping the baby. Now, maybe you can tell from the tone of my voice. I'm not somebody who saw this ever happening to me at this stage of life. I certainly didn't plan for it. we've been seeing each other only since like October I think October beginning of October and this guy's cooked January now so this is like a three and a half month relationship at this stage three and a half months what I'm like a waiter I'm like an underemployed like food service server

this is rather interesting aspiring actor I'm in an acting studio in LA I do stand up and haven't really made bro you're saying all the wrong things brother You said all the wrong things. Oh, no, dude. Yo, all the fucking phone. Really made very much money from either of those things. I haven't made very much money from my day job either. But, you know, I think I've got a roof over my head.

The idea of expanding my reach, you know, to having to provide for other people. And the little person is, like, kind of mind-bending me. conceptually. And I know I'm going to figure it out and I'm going to do what I have to do and I'm going to get my shit together. But I don't really know where to start as far as like starting to put the pieces together and looking for resources. Do you have any ideas? Do you have any advice? Like, is it time to like go to trade school?

Is it time to like, you know, just go to every ball in LA and try to like find a better agent or what's going on? Better help or buddy. My brother. My brother. My brother. All right. Let me tell you about agents and agencies. Oh, no, dude. You think that's the problem? Nah, dude.

Listen. Now, that's keeping it too twisted. Yeah. That was twisted as fuck. That's a very twisted, twisted thought process. That isn't the right place. It's not the right place. I got four kids.

I had my first one at 25. You know what I'm saying? 25, 26. You know? and I wasn't ready for that shit either. You're never ready. Yeah, what were you up to, 25, 26?

What were you doing at the time? Maybe. Yeah, give this guy some hope here. Oh, man, listen, brother, listen, I was making $20,000 a year legally. Yeah. And another maybe $10,000 illegally. Selling bad coke,

running around with a firearm, with a dude named Krem, Fleetwood, you know what I'm saying? Just driving around over nextel chirp. Oh, the chirp. You know what I'm saying? Like, just doing all a lot of that. Yeah.

So you'll be fine. You got a, you got to, you, you're going through with the right attitude. That actually is, you're legitimately a great person to have on this call because you had, you had aspirations to do creative shit. You know what I mean? And you did that as you had kids, but you weren't like, you didn't double down immediately. You weren't like, oh, I have to get a good agent. I have to, no, you were like, oh, let's. We sell them more dope.

Yeah. We sell them more dope. And I'm going to keep writing these blog posts. You know, you kept it twisted. Mero kept it twisted. even as his first child was in utero, the one with the Lisp. That's the second one.

Oh, that's the second one. I went to sue the hospital, and I was just like, yeah, hold on. You grabbed him out. You grabbed him by the lip. So that's actually good. It's actually good you're here because if you weren't, I would be much more negative to this guy.

But look, here's a thing. You kept a little too twisted in enjoying. some condomless sex that we were keeping it too twist. And there's a type of, there's a level of twisted that you want to keep it. You kept it a little too twisted, okay? I tell people all the time, man, if you pull out, the pull-out method is very dangerous. Yeah.

Because if you got to be, if you're not jerking off for at least 30, 35 seconds before you're not, right, you need that buffer. You need that buffer. One million percent. Once you stop feeling like, oh, oh, oh, you got to get out of here. You got to get out the garage, bro. The second, the first haul, you're already cooked. you're already cooked

that little tickle the tickles over that's it bro pull the fuck out each second you're not Indiana Jones dude you're getting trapped

in the temple for real you're not sliding the door the door is crushing your legs you're not fucking Harrison Ford

bro you're like dun ta da da a ah I'm fuck fuck twins

fraternals I can't even do cool Instagram shit with them I can't make him TikTok. I'm out on TikTok.

So, like, your head's in the right place where it's like, yeah, get a, get a more substantial job. I don't know if it's trade school. I mean, whatever you're good at, do someone, just like, you know, maybe it even, you said you're not a good waiter. You could, you could make good money in the service industry if you want to be like a professional waiter, whatever. Go to trade school if you want.

If you have an in anywhere, I mean, you're, you're an old fashioned, like, how do I make enough money to survive mode right now? Which, silver lining, if you're a sort of like millennial or Gen Z without anything anchoring in your life, the silver lining here is you do have motivation, you have something anchoring you, get a fucking, worry about the kid first and foremost, and then, you know, look at our friend here on the couch,

slowly but surely build up your creative pursuits. It's going to be a different, it's going to be a different life than you thought you right? It is, it just is. It's going to take a little longer for you, but that doesn't even mean you have to abandon what you want. even telling you quit on your dreams. We're just saying chip away at them

a little bit. Yeah. Like, you know, slide them around on the priority board. You know what I mean? Because the baby's number one. 100%. Shorty's number two. Yeah. Your number three. You know what I mean? And then under you is like your your passions, your hopes and dreams. Your hopes and dreams. And right, and between

those actually is an ice cold can of twisted tea, I would say. I would say somewhere between you and your passions, nothing will help you think better. Nothing will help you that one-man show going more than an ice cold brewed with real ice tea can of twisted tea. And in 21 years, you and that

little baby will be outside in your beautiful home in Los Angeles cracking open right on their 21st birthday, an ice cold can of twisted tea, y'all. So that's been this week's twisted-ass, motherfucking-ass question of the week. Fuck! I'm talking about it. Yeah.

And we're rooting for you, pal. Yo, go get it. You, listen, now's the time. Rubbers beat in a road, motherfucker. Get in gear, Don, because that baby is coming. Whether you like it or not. Respect. You're going to be okay, pal.

You're tough, man. You're tough, man. We believe in you. Just do a couple more calls here, LD. Did we catch you off guard? Should I get a new agent? That was crazy, bro. Like, yo, no, nigga.

Actually get the agent out of here. They're going to take a percentage. It's over, dude. You got a fucking... That 10% belongs to your kid. Yeah. Come on. Hi, stop.

Hi, oldest. Hi, gas. Christine. Like a question with more just like an issue. I'm just going to cut right to do it. So me and my husband, we've been married for about, like, three years now. And we're relatively young. I'm 24 and he's 26.

So I just generally feel bad because recently, me and my husband were having sex, it's been cool. It's been whatever. We're trying new things. He wanted me to eat at that. I do that. That was fine. At first, I was like, dude, that's kind of gay.

But I felt bad even thinking her. Your wife hitting you with paws. Yo, me too. She's like, uh, a yo. You want a what? She hits you with your other Ayo. Your wife hitting you with Ayo. Yo, yo, yo, your Paul is chair.

Yo, yo, you, Paul. Yo, she turned us to a 5% of Brooklyn. Yo, yo, your God. chill, God. You want me to do what, God? Nah, man, that's where the waist extremit comes out, God. That's filth, God. Respect, respect. Okay, keep going, Elders. Bad even thinking that, because I'm like, obviously, he's not gay.

And now it's kind of progress into, like, Percy wanted me to eat his ass. Now he wants me to put, like, my finger up his foot. And the part, I just feel bad because in my head, I'm like, you're gay. But he's not, obviously he's not. This girl's awesome. I don't know how to, I guess, process it. I don't even know what I'm going to ask you. I just know I just feel bad.

You don't know how to stick your finger on your own butt. Practice it. She feels bad for him. What is going? She's feeling like weird about doing it because she does think it is kind of gay in her head. So our joke about her being like, chill is true. So, okay, so there's two things I'm hearing.

One is in the back of her mind, she thinks it's kind of gay and doesn't really like it that much. But too, is she also sounds like she wants him to have a good experience and feels like she doesn't know how to practice or put her heart and soul into it. And listen, I mean, first of all, I do think you have to let go of it being gay. It's gay. Bro, it's just sex. Yeah. And listen, maybe your husband, who knows where he is on the Kinsey scale.

Right. But he seems straight enough to you, it seems like, right? unless you think this is this is an act he actually is gay but that's not how you find this out yeah no in fact a guy who was in the closet

I think would not ask you to do absolutely not what are you doing stop that that's gross I don't like that stop why would you do that that's for gay people

I'm not like that like chill not maybe try 100% so in some ways I think this is actually someone who's very comfortable with you. Yeah. And is it just happens to be in the, you know, some butt play. He might, look, there's straight guys who want to get the fucked by, you know, want to get pegged.

And it sounds like if I had to put my money on it, you might be, you might be traveling down that path. You feel right? I feel like that. This might be, yeah, exactly. We're getting there. It feels like that. So really it comes down to, you're going to have to let that, you know, is this. gay stuff go.

Yeah. And you're just going to have to treat it as any other, like when you're in a relationship and your partner wants you to do something that it's not exactly your bag. You're not exactly pumped to do it. Treat it just like that. That happens. There's compromise.

There's trying different stuff. You might get into it along you go on. Yeah. It's like relationship. Yeah. And also like take this as an opportunity if you're doing some sexual exploration. Is there something you've wanted to try? Is there some shit you want them to get into?

You know what I mean? Like, in your labia, whatever, like, open your shit, speculum and shit, like, you know, whatever. That's your thing, you know, try it out. This might just be, now, this could be a missmatch in terms of freaky levels. I was about to say, I was like, it sounds like,

he's a super freaky motherfucker and you're just like a regular shorty. Yes. And, like, you're like, oh, ass eating, that's crazy. I'm like, bro, listen, I'm a 40-year-old man, dog, like, shout out to all the women that eat ass. You know what I'm saying? Because if you go on it, listen, I eat pussy, like, I'm starving.

Right. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm a la la la la la I'm all in the pussy All up in the ass like everywhere Just like this is getting in there This whole section is for me It has nerve endings Right right right

That bring you pleasure shorty So I'm getting into all of that The same thing with dudes You know what I'm saying Like if you're talking about dick You know what I'm saying And you get in the balls in the taint area And you do a little

I'm not mad In the booty hole I ain't mad at that I'm not mad I'm not mad Keep it twisted Yeah Sometimes you gotta keep it twisted

On the butt hole On the bone But like you said, I think it's a situation where she feels, he feels comfortable enough with you, Shorty, to be like, yo, I'm as a man who is straight going to ask you to eat my ass in confidence. Right. You know what I'm saying?

Because he probably is not putting that shit in the group chat with his man. Right. Yo, my girl, eat my ass. That's like that shit was fire. Like, and he out getting fingered? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

You know, depending on his group of friends, you know. True. No, I'm with you. You may not be toxic. And the other thing is you're like, you guys are both young. That's another thing of getting married young. It's like she's 24. So to her, this feels very freaky.

Whereas like, you know, if she was, if she was even single for the amount of years they've been married, because if she's 24 now, eldest, so they've been married a couple years? So they've been probably dating since they were kids. Yeah. Right? So it's like, that's another element.

It's like, this is all part of growing together. You're being, this seems weirder to you than it actually is. Right. Because this might be one of the only few people you've ever had. sex with, right? 100%. And maybe not. Maybe you were

free the year before you guys met. I don't know. But that's, it all is trending in that direction. So I think this is fine. I think this is a chance for you to kind of let go of your,

it's not prudishness. It's just you're a little sexually sheltered because you got married young. Hang-ups. Exactly. And this is a chance to grow. And I would say it takes this opportunity if there's shit you want to try.

And really think about it too, you know? But you don't have to practice. You'll practice well, the more you do it. And it seems to be here to stay, though. From the little I know about your husband, this ain't going

away. It's not, it's not, you're not walking that back. No, no, no. I felt like in the beginning of course, she was trying to figure out like, yo, how do I get him to stop? An escape route. This is not happening. How do I ask him to stop asking me to eat his ass? Yeah. It's not happening, my. Like, he's going to ask for more things. This is your life now. Yeah.

Until death do us part. One of the implied ones in your vows was ass eating. Yo, I vow to eat your ass every Wednesday with some, with the little honeybear. Yeah, good love. That's cute. We're rooting for you.

I think you're going to grow to love eating your husband's ass. Yeah, yeah. And listen, and if it don't work out with chock because I got married young, a lot of, you know, divorce rates are high in America. So the next man is going to be like, wow, you know what I mean? You're going to be a champ. Right, right, right, right. He's going to be like, oh, shit, I ain't never had this before. Whoa.

Oh, shit. You become addicted to eating ass. It's possible. Oh, come on. We're rooting for you, though. You're going to be fine. You'll be all right. Cut it out.

What else we got, LD? You got it. You do have to be a little free time. Hey, Stavi, eldest, and beautiful guests. I wrote this down, so if it comes across. Wrote it down. That's why. But about 10 years ago, my dad passed away suddenly.

I was 19 and he was only 48. His life insurance policy named my uncle is the beneficiary, with the understanding that the money would be split between my brothers, my kids. Instead, my piece of shit uncle kept almost all of it for himself. About $140,000. Wow. Wow, bro, that's crazy. I'm trying to think of that.

You got to shoot this thing, man. I'm sorry. That's insane. You do your nephew like that and your brother? You're just like, fuck you, I'm stealing your money. Yeah, you got to sneak him, bro. Yeah, you got to sneak him. That's crazy.

You got to get junk. Keep going. What else were you missing? Always. He has paid us back since, so there's at least that. He paid it back. But once again, I, I, since that happened, the,

uncle has paid it back. Oh, so you, don't shoot. To who, though? I'm sorry. Because the dad was like, when he, when I die, my brother gets this and he's going to split it amongst my three sons. Gotcha. Yeah.

But the uncle has paid it back to all of them. Oh, so he took, he spent it and then he paid it back. Oh, okay. So it was a payday low. Yeah, whatever. That's fine. I'm actually all the way back to now you're a bitch for being mad at that. Yeah.

Your uncle, basically, your uncle did what all banks do. Banks don't hold your money. They do business. And then bring it back. Yeah. You know what I mean? I was asking me like, yo, is there billions of dollars in a bank? I was like, no, stupid.

I was like, how do you file? They gave out loans and shit like that. Like, that's what they do. It's all a game of musical chairs. We're fucked if everybody wants their money. And poof. Okay, so I'm a little confused, but let's finish up. I just, it was horrible and I just cannot forgive him.

I've been in therapy for years with a lot, just life in general. And this comes up a lot. And the answer always ends up being forget. just to forgive them. But I just can't get that. I don't feel right about it. That being said, I don't really let it control the specter in my life. I have a great career.

My dating life is going really well. I'm generally an overall very happy person. Okay. I'm cordial with him when I have to see him a couple times a year I do, but I hate being in the same way with him. I truly cannot stand it. My brothers and my mom, sister, have forgiven him since. And like I said, though, I just haven't, and I don't think I will.

He stole the last thing my father left for me. The thing he worked very hard, you know, to make sure that he was going to be providing. He didn't give it back. He borrowed the last thing your dad left to. He doesn't say this, but I think it's a, it sounds like it's a little more turbulent than, oh, I'm just going to borrow this money and pay it back eventually. I'm assuming they had to, like, chase after him.

Who knows if it got legal? They had to find him in Turkey with a new headline and shit. Like, yo, he got a. This motherfucker got a BBL and a airline with our money? What the fuck you're doing out here? Okay, so I understand, okay, so probably what happened is, but my question is, was there a moment he was supposed to give it to you and you went to get it?

There was zero money. Were you, did he fuck you in a way where you were expecting it and it didn't come? Right. And he only paid it back like 15 years later. Like, that's my question. Is how, first thing is how big a sin is this, right? Because again, it's annoying. but also you do have the money now, right?

Did you ever need the money and it wasn't there because your uncle took it? Then I understand a little more of this, right? That's number one. Number two, though, I think this is clearly this is so intertwined with the grief about your dad. Oh, yeah. I mean, to me, that's the larger thing here, right?

That you're a kid when he goes, but you're kind of in the worst age because you think you're an adult, right? You're 19, so you have, and you have all these, like, supercharged emotions. You don't know how to handle them. You're at the worst possible place you can be because you think you're smart enough to handle them.

But you're also like young, hormonal, all over the place. And this guy, this uncle, does a really fucked up thing, which is he's essentially steals from you and steals symbolically your dad's last wish. So it's like he's taking your money, but he's also

disrespecting your father who you lost unexpectedly and tragically. And I think this is a way for you to still, the longer you're pissed about this, the longer your dad is actively in your life in a way. It's like there's a piece of open business that your dad was directly involved in. And I think, really, my guess is,

you have to let go. This is like the last piece of like fully accepting that, you know, your dad is like, like, it's just, it's hard to let go of that. anger because it's like it's justified on the behalf of your father who's not in your life anymore and that's a serious bummer right

and so that my only thing is look really think about how much this guy fucked you because if it's the kind of thing where you were you needed that 30 grand for you wrote a check for right a down payment on a house or your mom your mom needed it to pay for the house fucking kidney or something like if there was

if this guy really wronged you in some way I understand it a little more I would still say work towards forgiveness, but I'm saying more. But be real about yourself about how big this sin was, what it really cost you. Because if it really does boil down to,

he took some of the money, you know, he was annoying about paying it back. We had to wait an extra few years to get the money back. That sucks, and you should be mad at him a little bit, but it is the thing that I think you can ultimately forgive. And I think you have to be real about yourself about where these feelings are coming.

from and really think about the grief and about like, you know, letting go of it. And, you know, in some ways it's like, do you really want the constant feel? Like, this is a feeling that's intertwined with your father, but it's also a negative one. It's also like, and it's like, and letting that rule you kind of stops you from like having the constant presence in your life.

Because you're saying it's something he's mad about, like, daily, he's saying. Yeah. I think you'd be better off to try and transition that into like happy memories of your dad. That's it. As opposed to like this fucking anger at your dickhead uncle, right? The other thing is too, like, I don't know how many siblings your dad had. But if he chose your uncle to be the one that's distributing this money, that means that they must have been, unless he's like, you know, it was. Did they get divorced, I guess?

Why wouldn't he give it to his wife? He didn't say. You know what I'm saying? It'd be so funny if they weren't divorced. He chose his brother. That's some real immigrants. He's like, he's like, he's divorced. She's like women don't know how to handle money.

His brother and you, he was cheating. He's like, all right. He's like, yo, listen, they're going to be mad at you. They're going to find out. Use the 100K to pay it back. Is there like a secret agreement with him? He's like, look, just fucking do it. Fine.

That's what I'm saying. Like, you might be missing out on like a bonus dad. You know what I'm saying? Like if your dad and your uncle were very close, you know what I'm saying? And maybe they share some similarities. You could, you know, channel your dad to your uncle, which might be an unhealthy. thing, but like, you know, you got a father figure presence type of person still in your life.

You know what I'm saying? That you can mend fences with it. Why not? And also, how old is he eldest? Did he say? He said he was 19 when his dad died 10 years ago. So he's 29. Yeah, you're about to be 30, champ.

Come on. This is also, I also will give you a pass in terms of like, I get these, like, I would say everything we talked about, really look at all your feelings. and also be open to it at least. Because I think the first step from me reconciling with people that I never did was being like, I don't feel this way right now, but if it comes up, I'm not going to fight it, right? Because that's another thing of like,

you don't want to be doing the work to stay angry. You happen to be angry, you're happy to be angry. But if there's a time where you don't even give a fuck, like truly a lot of the shit with my dad is like, I got to the point where I'm like, I don't fucking care. I'm a grown man. Who gives a fuck that he wasn't, that he skipped out.

on a couple important things. That mattered to me when I was even in my 20s. But when you get to a point where you're like, I don't, and you might get to a point where you're like, money gets tight as fuck for you. Or you have to do something where you're like, whoa,

this is fucked. This is borderline a little, and not I'm not saying close to what your uncle did, but you might start to just understand. Right. You might have to. When life gets fucked up and you like. You got to bust some more?

Who knows, right? I'm just saying, at least be open to forgiveness. Because I've been there too where I've stopped myself. from like I've been ready to forgive and I'm like no fuck that I'm still mad at this person and ultimately the only person that ain't worth the man yeah because you're just you're the only one sitting there stewing like man fuck this motherfucker your uncle's getting jerked off somewhere like

he's chilling like eating a cheese steak I don't know what the fuck he's doing yeah but he's chilling he paid that money back his conscience is clear he probably is like what the fuck's your problem yeah why are you tripping bro like your brother's good the other one's chilling your mom is chilling like nobody's mad at me except you true think about that like again I don't know I don't I don't want to be, this whole show is armchair psychology, obviously. Don't take any of this is not medical. Don't fucking listen to me. I'm a fucking idiot.

I might be completely fucking wrong. Me too. But really, you might, we don't, I don't want to, I'm not going to tell you you're in the wrong, but I am saying like, I think there is something more than the situation. Yeah. That's not just the money. It's not just the money. That's my, that's my read on it. It's not just the money because obviously he said, too, like, yo, I'm, I have a good job.

Yeah. Like, I'm going to help. Shit's going good. shit's going good So let it go Let it go champ Oh like stop said At least

Think about it Think about it in this way And also be open To letting it go Yeah That's the first step To potentially letting it go You got something fun

For us to go out on here Little eldest And we should say by the way Before we do that We should plug Whatever you want to plug here You know You got a ton of cool shit

Go on Yeah man Yo you know You know Super de Kid Mero At the Kirmero Everywhere On social media

Even though it's I hate it but check me out on there. Shit, I'm hosting Hot 97 Mornings of Merrill every day, 6 to 10 a.m. on Hot 97. They almost had to give you the job because it sounds so good.

Mornings with Miro's fucking awesome. Like that must have helped you like 5%. Yeah, yeah. The all the motherfuckers up there was like, the alliteration. It flows off the tongue. It sounds great. I think we're going to get a lot of political ads.

We're going to get a lot of political donation money from this. Yeah. But yeah. So, morning's with Merrill, you know what I'm saying? Victory Light, Patreon.com slash Victory Light. It's also on YouTube. You know what I'm saying? If you don't want to feed my children, that's fine.

You know what I mean? 7 p.m. in Brooklyn with Carmelo, Anthony. Melo, I say hello, please. We met at the Ravens game. He obviously had no idea who I was. But he was delighted by the like, you know, they just showed me. I'm like the fat. I'm like the fat fan.

You're like the son of Baltimore. Yeah, yeah. I was just on the fucking thing. Like, Melo was like, you know, giving a wave, getting a huge pop. And it goes, I'm like, I'm like, right after Melo. I'm like, ah,

fuck the Steelers. And he was, he was enjoying it, but like, just tell him, I say hello. You know, just,

uh, he's one of the fucking greatest. Yo, you gotta come through, man. Anytime. Listen, yo,

I'm gonna tell you, bro. A son of Baltimore. That shit is, he does, that's my one beef with mellow. It's like, he reps Brooklyn a lot.

As soon as you got out of Baltimore, now you're Mr. fucking Brooklyn. No mention of Towson Catholic. That goes away. The fucking, that goes away, dude.

That's my one little beef to put, you know. It's funny because when Rudy came on the show. Yeah, yes. Another Baltimore legend. Like, baller, you know what I'm saying? Like he would break his balls about that shit all the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that was funny.

But that shit, bro, that's the most fun show. Yeah. I work on period. Anytime I love to do it. Fan, it is, it is like a weed clubhouse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just up there smoking weed, talking shit. Like, yo, what we about to do?

Yeah, we're going to talk about some basketball shit. And, like, ah, who's coming? Stiles P. Let's talk about bug fights. You can't whatever, man. Let's just be smacked the entire time we do it It's shit is bad fun You gotta come up there

I'd love to man anytime 7 p.m. in Brooklyn With big stavi Check all that shit out I'm saying Yeah please do One of our favorites You know we've been fans

Forever mean mel just the I mean we lived in a shitty apartment And Astoria We would fucking crush The Vice show I mean dude We were the number one We were it was on repeat

Everybody that anybody Everybody in the world That was like Into like bodega boys And DVDM and all that shit in D&M and they were like, yo, y'all got it. Yo, you ever fuck with Comtown?

They're like, they're like the white version of y'all. It really was. And it was kind of like, and it broke up at the same time. Yeah. And, yo, all my kids, bro, everybody was just like, yo, Merrill's destavros of the, of the thing. I was like, yo, what the fuck? I was like, is that a, you trying to say?

Is that like a backhanded compliment? Like, what are you trying to say? Always. Every, every, every, every, uh, podcast related, uh, like comparison is always back-handed. You know what I mean? It's both, they mean it, but it's also, they're getting it something as well. So what are you trying to say?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm the funniest one there. Yeah. Okay, great. But yeah, no, it was, yeah, love the show for real. It was, it was awesome when you, I mean, it was awesome watching you guys pop off. And I've been fan of, you know, but we've been huge fans the whole time. So awesome to get to.

This is wow, man. Yeah, because I would, I started fucking with child. It was just like, yo, this is, yeah, yeah, I fuck with this. And then you just started doing your solo thing. And I was just like, oh, this dude is fucking hilarious, man. So I've been watching a stand-up. Yeah, thanks, man. Locked in with you for a minute.

Hell yeah. Let's go out on a fun one, Elvis. What do we got? Sorry, I don't know why I froze. But I'm pregnant with a baby boy, and me and my husband are considering not getting him circumcise. And I'm not asking for medical advice from you guys, but I want to know your experience. Like, as guys who have seen, you know, penises interacting with them, like, what do you think culturally or societally or, like, cooking up with people? We're un-served.

What's your input on circumcision? Are we for it? Are we against it? Boo. Don't mutilate your child. You know what's so ill? Yeah. When a boxer comes to a ring.

And they're like this. And then they get in a ring. they go like that. That's exactly what the foreskin is, bro. That's right. It's an entrance. You know what I'm saying? Like your dick is hard and that shit just comes down. Like a drop top?

Come on, bro. Like, if you're circumcised, you just got a weird little worm. It's all fucked up. It's all callous. Yeah. You know what I mean? You see the scar. Nasty.

Dispickable. Come on. And then imagine your banjo string too and everything. Imagine the baby. Imagine you want, that's what you want to do. That's how you want to welcome your son to the world. You know what I'm saying? Chopping his penis.

That's wild, bro. Taking a knife. his little-ass dick. That's wild. That's disgusting. So listen. And I've never, by the way, people have talked about, you know, women will be like, oh, they look weird. Like, people will call in

and be like, no, I've had exactly one woman be weird about my uncircumcised penis in my whole, and she was just kind of weird to begin with. You know what I mean? It wasn't a great situation. It was like a horrific motel after a gig in Virginia. And it was like one of my first ever headlining show

You said Motel in Virginia. Yeah. That's what you needed to say. It was brutal stuff. She wouldn't give me head because I was, she just gave me the worst hand job of all time. I'm still mad about that. But don't let that villain,

don't let that villainous woman affect your little boy's penis. Yeah, bro. Let it rock. We've all had a great, everyone here has had a nice experience, uncerked. Yeah. And we,

we can't, you know, very highly recommend it. No problem. here. No one's been weird about Is anybody been weird about it

to you? I'm trying to remember like if there was ever a time but I think one time this girl was like yo

like it smells funny and I was like bitch I've been outside for like two days straight like I haven't been showered in two days but that a force can

will also have you cleaning your dick sure like you know what I'm saying like thoroughly absolutely you know what I mean like so you know

if you see an uncut dude ladies or gentlemen you know what I'm saying, whatever you're into. If you see a dude that's uncut, that dick is probably clean. True. You know what I'm saying? Hygiene is very important. So don't mutilate your young, beautiful boy.

We need to do all that. We're rooting for you. And consider naming the child Stavros. You know what I'm saying? Or Merro. Or Merro. Yeah, beautiful. Those are two strong options.

Do whatever you do, do not name it eldest. That's going to do for us, Merrow. Thanks for coming, brother. They're so fucking awesome. Thank you for having me, man. And we will talk to you guys next time. Bye-bye. Thank you.