Stavvy's World - #171 - Ms. Pat

Starting point is 00:00:00 Opa, welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We're very happy to have Miss Pat on the couch today. Ms. Pat, thank you for coming. Thank you for being here. Thank you. I like the little Mexican music. It's Greek, but Mexico's close enough.

Starting point is 00:00:20 Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know the music came with oliveles. What do you call? Olives? Yep, olives. We're big olive, guys. You're Greek? I am Greek.

Starting point is 00:00:32 Oh, okay. I thought you're just a white man. No, no, no. Greek. I didn't know you had a little flavor with you. A little flavor. I feel like we're kind of like the sour cream and onion of white people. You know what I mean?

Starting point is 00:00:42 Just a little something different. You know? Yeah, because they just med-n-n-a-s. So you sour-cream of onion. I think he might taste a little bit better. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Yeah, not a lot of Greek.

Starting point is 00:00:52 Do you have a lot of Greeks in Atlanta? I don't know. I'm going to be honest with you. Your skin is white. You're white. You have to tell me you something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair.

Starting point is 00:01:04 I don't go around and say, what are you? It's purely visual for you. Well, yes, it is. Maybe you catch me in the summer. I got a little tan going maybe then. But for now, wintertime, you wouldn't even think twice. That's fair. Okay, you darken up?

Starting point is 00:01:22 Yeah, I do. I crisp up nice. Oh, you do? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a big beach guy. Oh, so you get almost black during the summer time? I wouldn't go that far. But I will say my brother, when we would get back from Greece, kids would talk to him in Spanish.

Starting point is 00:01:36 So they thought he was, so we at least, we don't get to black, but we get to maybe like a light Latino. Okay. On the spectrum. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Check back in in August. I'll send you some picks. Don't do that.

Starting point is 00:01:51 You can I say, you know what you look like to me? Please. Go crazy. Something that go on top of a wedding cake. I've got cake topper. I've got a cake topper face. Yes, that's what you, especially with you in that chair like that. You look like a cake topper.

Starting point is 00:02:17 I think it's the big head. Or something that somebody hired to jump out of cake and scare the shit out of somebody. That's what you give me. That's the energy you give me. Then I know you were Greek, but I hope. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you thought I'm either a cake-topper or involved in some kind of hijinks.

Starting point is 00:02:35 Yeah, you give me cake-topper energy. That's what you give me. Now, I appreciate that because it's not technically a fat joke, because being on top of the cake has nothing to do with eating it. So I do respect that because most people would have gone right for fat joke. You give me lesbian cake-toper. So I'm the groom in a lesbian wedding. No, no, no, them two girls.

Starting point is 00:02:58 Okay. The one in a tuxedo. You're what they called the dick carrier. You're the scrap on. You're the dad. Sure, sure, sure. I've always been very envious for being able to upgrade your dick

Starting point is 00:03:15 whenever you wanted. Lesbians have that over me for sure. Oh, and black men do too. Yeah, well, yeah, yeah. But that's natural. I just mean, like, you get to go to the store and buy a better dick. Well, you can buy you a better dick at the store.

Starting point is 00:03:26 Amazon don't discriminate. I don't know. I don't know if I'd get the same joy out of using a fake dick over my small dick. Elvis, won't you get his dick out of the mailbox for him, Elvis? I'm shopping every day trying to see what technology can do out there. And if you, I'm telling you, I know some people that can help you pick out a good dick. I mean, why? I think I can pick it out.

Starting point is 00:03:51 I don't think it would be hard for me to find an objectively nice one. I don't think I'd get the utility out of it personally. Why not? All you got to do is do like they do in the handmade cell when they play like they was having babies. Just faking. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. You know.

Starting point is 00:04:06 So what I should do, so what me and other, the rest of the small dick community should do is get a... Your dick is small? It's not great. Yeah, yeah. So before you knew that you just thought I should upgrade, you felt it. You didn't have to say it.

Starting point is 00:04:19 I mean, you look like you pissed on your nuts. But I was going to have to have me. How cold is it, Miss Pat? It's always cold if you got naked. I don't fucking know. I will neither confirm or deny the nut-pissing rumors, these vicious rumors. Is your penis really small? It's not great, I would say.

Starting point is 00:04:46 I have been. So, let me ask you this. Yeah, yeah, please. As a not-so-great dick guy. Yes. How do you jack it? How do I jack off? Yes.

Starting point is 00:04:55 Do you put your balls in it so it'll be a complete set? Or do you just hold on to the little peak? I think, yeah, that's the thing. When you're jacking off, there's no need for glamour. There's no need to, no one's looking at it. So I think my dick probably looks pretty small. I'm holding on to the whole thing, you know, not a lot of, there's not a lot of overlap once we put a hand on it.

Starting point is 00:05:14 You know, there's not much comes over the top, I would say. Kind of like, you know, when you get a hot dog from a, you got a peekaboo dick. You got a peekaboo dick. You know, you know, in like the bun, maybe just the top is coming out of a hot dog? What? You know what I mean? You just see like the little.

Starting point is 00:05:32 That's right. Are you serious? Who did that to you? I think that's God, unfortunately. I know. They all went to my God is good. Not all the time. Right.

Starting point is 00:05:42 Thank you. It's complicated. God has given this wedding tapper a small dick. So, so pretty much you're a lesbian. Yeah, I guess so in many ways, in style. So your dick is like a clique? I think it's a little better than a clit. I would upgrade.

Starting point is 00:06:01 I would say my dick isn't quite a clit. I think it's just on the, you know, right at the average mark, unfortunately. Oh, that's not average. This is here. That's not average. I have grown to accept my little ass dick as I've grown older. So you know what you can do to get a bigger dick? Please, this is huge.

Starting point is 00:06:22 Oh, you got to do. is put a shoe string on your dick and tie it onto the dough and just keep slamming the door. I think you're thinking of when a tooth is loose. But think about it. If it'll pull a tooth out,

Starting point is 00:06:35 it'll pull the rest of that dick out of you. I'll give the tooth fairy. I'll put $1,000 under the pillow. No, I'm telling you. Just slam your dough with the dick. I mean slam your dick with the dough a couple of times and I guarantee you a whole deal. Okay.

Starting point is 00:06:52 And you can always get the worst butter at the store and then inject your penis with it. With the lowest grade butter. Yes, it helps it grow. Okay. That's how I got tithes? You lathered your breast with low-grade butter? I'm a 48 since the third grade. Interesting. Since the third grade.

Starting point is 00:07:10 Yeah, I've had these tities forever. That's wild. Yeah, and I'm trying to tell you how to be wild. Okay. Yeah, I mean, I'll slather my penis with butter, no problem, and I'll let you know. But as long as you got somebody who can feel it, I don't know. All right. I think I feel like I have to stand up for my...

Starting point is 00:07:30 I think is, I'm not, it's not like a fucking... They're not doing like a dateline episode about me, like guys with the little as thing possible. Well, you know what? If your penis is really just that much, as long as you don't have sex with a fat person. Right. With a fat person... This actually is true. I have experienced this.

Starting point is 00:07:46 You got to fold shit back and get up in there. And if you fat and she fat... So you're losing a lot of dick space there. It's a great tragedy in my life because I am attracted to big girls and people think I'm a snob for not dating big girls, but it's purely geometry. My dick cannot withstand two bellies. Well, only if you got palm dick, you need somebody who can ride it. So most big girls can't ride it. Right, that's true.

Starting point is 00:08:12 They have knee problems. No. No, no, no. It's the stomach. Well, the good part about I don't know if you know this about a fat girl, but I don't know. I say this all the time. And we're built for men with small penis. You could just stick it in our neighbors.

Starting point is 00:08:31 Elvis suspiciously quiet over there, allowing me to take all the small dick barbs. They got all. They're black. They got big dicks. No, I'm sorry about Elvis. Whose dick also is small. Oh, Elvis. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:08:43 Elvis, you got a small penis? Well, you know, I would say it's normal. I wouldn't say small, but. United States of America. This is why... What's the national average? I'm in that zone. When you're breaking out the actuarial tables,

Starting point is 00:08:57 the answer's not good. This is exactly why white men is mad in America. And they think we did something to them. It was not us. It was God. Little dick lies matters. Amen. You're going to be very popular with the fan base of this podcast after that.

Starting point is 00:09:19 Little big live matters. Yes, it do. Especially if you got money, y'all need to be laid too. I love when you first got here because he came in, he looked totally different. Then he went to the back and put on a sweatsuit that I would wear. Yeah, I had to put on my professional attire, a track suit. I said, well, damn, he went back then turned into a black mama. You dress comfy.

Starting point is 00:09:53 I don't know what you want for me. I know. The only thing is that you white with that outfit of them new balance. The new balance is sure. That's the only thing. That's the wide feet. That's the problem.

Starting point is 00:10:00 There's some orthopedic white piece of shoes. That's right. That's right. These are the best ones, the best orthopedic shoes you can get. I know. I like, I tell people all the time.

Starting point is 00:10:10 New balance is a great shoe. There we go. And black people don't buy them until we get really old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. But white people start out in elementary school. Yeah. You see heavy feet-haired white kids running them new balance on.

Starting point is 00:10:24 And we didn't know. Literally me. Well, we didn't know what new balance was. We're like, why they got them Negro slippers on? But we didn't know new balance was a brain. Yeah. I unfortunately have had wide, humongous feet. Another irony.

Starting point is 00:10:41 There's your dick right there. That's right. Is that your feet? Unfortunately, yeah. So next time you're having sex, put a condom on your. your feet is to get it. Put it on a big toe. No, the whole foot.

Starting point is 00:10:55 So she can be satisfied. Have you had, it sounds like you've had your fair share of run-ins with little dicks, is that? No, sir. No, sir, I have not. That don't happen in my culture. No, I've never slept with a white man. You haven't seen a little dick once in real life. When the baby is born.

Starting point is 00:11:18 Only when the baby is born. But that's your ain't. And this is what white American don't understand. If y'all have small dicks out there, y'all, that's a handicap. You can get a check for that. I'm with you 100%. And you should get a handicapped pocket sticker. Because small dick make y'all angry.

Starting point is 00:11:37 Then y'all turn into school shooters. So y'all should get Social Security for small dicks. Absolutely. If you're little dicks, you should get disability to be on Xbox all day, stay game. So let me ask you this. Because I'm curious about it. Please. So when somebody is giving you head, do they make them say and suck your balls too?

Starting point is 00:11:57 Do they? Do they? Yeah, because it's so close to each other. No, no. I mean, not at the same time. I guess it would be, look, there's plenty of room to operate. I guess it's just a choice not to. I guess you could if you really wanted, you know. But I haven't had the...

Starting point is 00:12:15 So do you piss sitting up or standing down? I'm standing up or standing up or standing up? Standing up. Yep, standing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would have guessed sitting down. Oh, I don't know. That's a yes.

Starting point is 00:12:33 I don't know, you know. I don't want to, you know, I know a lot of men, black men don't sit down because they, they, they dicks and balls hit the toilet. We'll hit the water. Hit the water. No, no danger of that happening. Oh. Jesus. I'm squarely.

Starting point is 00:12:49 Your shit just stay upstairs. I'm safe. Yeah, it probably hovers, you know. Hovers, okay. Never, maybe one toilet I've had, I've had a risk. But I'm seriously, you should really tie your penis to the dome. And let Elvis slam it. I'll be thinking.

Starting point is 00:13:04 Tell him Trent. It's one of my many duties. Yeah, that is, his job covers that for sure. We went over that in the interview. Well, that's good. And the little to community, write that down. slam your dick in the door and rub it with low-grade butter. Yes.

Starting point is 00:13:23 The cheaper the butter, the bigger the penis will come out. Oh, that's important. Okay. No grass-fed shit. No Irish butter. You know, white people be nasty. Now, don't y'all be nasty and put that fucking butter back in that refrigerator. Because nobody want no nut butter.

Starting point is 00:13:40 Don't have English muffin. Don't have an English muffin with dick butter. Nobody wants that. Not even the grease. The grease. Well, who knows? Ancient Greeks were pretty freaky, but, you know, who knows. Y'all are the little people that, you know, that's your people right there right in the wonder.

Starting point is 00:13:57 Yep. Yep. Yep. Yeah. But, naked people. Ooh, yeah. Bucknagreys, Lord. I've seen them. I've seen them claymations.

Starting point is 00:14:08 It was considered, you know, at the time it was considered. I just realized who your people was. Y'all, y'all, the cello people. You know, the people. With the little arrows and the little peppers, the little underwear on. Oh, my God. Cupid. Yep.

Starting point is 00:14:25 You're Cupid. Oh, my God. It's so crazy because it's Black History Month and it's Cupid month too. It's Valentine's. That's right. There's so much going on. Yes. There's so much rich cultural back and forth going on right now.

Starting point is 00:14:39 Black people laying pipe and y'all shooting them. With the Cupid. Right, with the arrow. The arrow. Right, right, right. I love. Yeah. I'm love.

Starting point is 00:14:50 The only shooting going on here is love arrows. That's right. At least as far as Stavi's world is concerned. That's right. And we should also say you have, you know, we got, as which happens a lot with the show is we will start talking about Little Dix off the top. But we should also mention you have so much to plug so many, you know, Miss Pat show, season five. Season five is out. That's a huge accomplishment.

Starting point is 00:15:13 Amazon Prime and BET Plus. Season four, I mean, season three of the court show, Miss Pat settles it. There we go. It's out. You can watch that on BET and also BET Plus. Yep. And I have a new cooking show. I love that.

Starting point is 00:15:27 I was going to say, that's the one thing that was missing. And then I saw that you're doing a cooking show. That's perfect. You're really on Guy Ferry's Corner right now. You got five shows, one of them's a cooking show. You should go tour restaurants as well. You'd be awesome with that, too. Not right now.

Starting point is 00:15:41 Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm in the middle of touring, but it's called whisking it all with Ms. Pat. And it's on YouTube. YouTube. And what it is, is people coming into my home teaching me how to cook. Oh, all right. So it's not like just a regular cooking show. I'm really learning how to prepare, you know, everybody's favorite dish. So, and then at, towards the end of the season, because I'm doing it in seasons, towards the end of the season, I would take a dish that I like and think I can make on my own.

Starting point is 00:16:09 All right. Nice. What's your favorite dish? What is you, what are you like? So far it was Pico de Gallo. Okay. If I'm pronouncing that right. And it's Spachkosh chicken. So I've never heard a Spashkaat chicken. You take the backbone out of it, right?

Starting point is 00:16:23 Yeah, just a chicken hitting the split. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So someone came on, what's her name, Kadeger? Cartier came on from Food Network and made that, the Spachajkaz chicken with me. Oh, that chicken was so good. Yeah. But it's so many different recipes that I've had come through there so far.

Starting point is 00:16:42 I would like to do them all, but I need to do something quick for the, Alice. So it might be those too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll come by and cook Greek food. Come on. I think I like Greek food. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:16:52 Some skewers. Nothing wrong with that. Some scurles? Come on. Anybody going to screw you, but we're going to make some squirrels. We'll see about that. I do okay in Atlanta. Thank you very much.

Starting point is 00:17:03 Oh, I know you do okay in Atlanta. So a lot of people need their bills paid them. You catch me on the wrong time. I might screw you. I'm like, you want me to send money to your cousin, cricket wireless? That's all right. Yes, Lord. Yeah, no, that's it.

Starting point is 00:17:27 So what's the price of pussy now? What's the going rate? Yes. What do you pay? It's been a while. You know, it's more, luck. That's the funny thing is when you get famous on the internet, plenty of mentally ill women will just DM you.

Starting point is 00:17:43 So you don't actually have to. buy pussy directly. That's why pussy is $40 now. It does see. The market seems to have fallen, honestly. It really failed doing crack and then it kind of picked back up. But now with the Internet

Starting point is 00:18:01 and they see people sitting in their living room with microphones and everybody famous. Right. So now they're just giving people like, y'all pussy for free. Don't have no more value. Yeah, I wonder what was worse for the pussy economy cracker podcasting.

Starting point is 00:18:15 It's very hard to say. Both. Both. Yeah. You, yeah, because I was, you know, I'm a big fan, so I know, I know your, you know, your story, too. You were at, you really were an early adopter in the crack, when crack came around. You sold crack from the beginning. Where did you use adopter?

Starting point is 00:18:32 Early adopter. What did that mean? You were on the cutting edge of cracks. I was on the cutting edge of crack. Somebody had to cut it and give it to all people. Yeah, yeah, true. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:18:43 I was a crack dealer when it first came out. Yeah. Yes. What's that? What was the, did people, because I feel like when drugs first come out, no one knows how bad is.

Starting point is 00:18:52 They just think it's cool. Well, I kind of knew it was bad when black women stopped combing their hair and they started turning into zombies. Yeah. So I knew any time you take a hair comb from, anytime black people let their jerry curl go dry,

Starting point is 00:19:04 we got a problem in our community. Yeah. So. And that was the jerry curl era. Era. Yeah. And that was dangerous too because it's dangerous to smoke crack

Starting point is 00:19:13 with that liquid, flammable stuff on your hair. Yeah. So they could. have died twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But thank God they didn't. Yep.

Starting point is 00:19:21 Yep, that is true. Thank God they didn't go up. The Jerry curl. Well, you saw what Pepsi did to Michael Jackson. That is true. And that wasn't even a crack pipe. Then it was lice. Burnta hold back his head.

Starting point is 00:19:35 He could never grow the back of his Jerry curl out no more. He just went to a perm. Yeah, was that the moment that stopped, that the Jerry curl stopped. It was after that? Was that the moment of transition to the person? perm for Michael Jackson? That's interesting. I thought, I think Michael Jackson realized how cute Prince was with his perm and he decided to give it up. So he went from a tight curl to a wavy curl to a perm.

Starting point is 00:19:58 You know, the time just, you know, the Jerry curl is actually back now. When I used to get it, it was $39. I heard people charging $200 put that fucking shit in your ear now. I hear it's back. I could see it being back. I feel like people are, they're nostalgic for the 80s in a lot of ways. Uh, yeah, I can say that. I had it because my mama couldn't fix hair, but we only got activated once a month,

Starting point is 00:20:22 so my shit was always like an afro, just dry. Yeah, yeah. So you had like four good days of jerry curl? If you kept the plastic bag on your head, you had about a week. A week, a nice week. You can wet it in the morning. Okay. And by the time you get the school, I will lay, that thing was dry and puffing.

Starting point is 00:20:40 It looked like you had stuck your finger in the socket. Yeah. I'm thinking about it. Maybe I'll, what do you think? You think I could go Jerry Crowe with the back? I think you should start with the front. With some clippers. And cut that, what is that,

Starting point is 00:21:06 mullet, cut that little mulling off? You know, who knows what it is exactly? It's, you know. It just formed your own hairstyle. Yeah. Why are you holding on to it? You don't think you'd be cute. ball-hitting? I don't, I was bald and I grew my hair out during the pandemic. And now I just feel like,

Starting point is 00:21:22 I don't know. It feels like... Did you like to be bald? I liked it okay. But I don't know. There's something about having this kind of hair that is funny to me. No one in the world would choose to look like this. And yet I do. That's sort of how it feels. That's how I feel like I'm making a bit of a, you know, I don't know. Is it a statement? I think it's funny when people in their mid-30s go bald. You 30? I'm 36, yeah, yeah. Oh. I'm 36, yep.

Starting point is 00:21:57 Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know you're thinking I'm, I look more youthful than that. A lot of people are surprised. They think I just graduated college. Shit. Somebody think you just put your child through college. Okay.

Starting point is 00:22:18 I'm old enough to be your mom. I have two kids older than you. Really? Yeah. Well, you had a kid's really young, though, too. You don't matter? Yeah. I don't look like they mom.

Starting point is 00:22:29 You do or you don't, you said? I don't know. A lot of times people think that my daughter is my sister and my son is my boyfriend. Oh, wow. Yeah. How do they feel about that? They don't get a fuck. They know I had them in elementary school.

Starting point is 00:22:45 Yeah. Yeah. That's when you were, that's why you became, that's when you started selling crack, right? When you had those, when you had your kids young. Yeah. I was listening on a different podcast, how you were just like making an insane amount of money as a kid. You were basically like 16. Yeah, I was selling a lot of crang.

Starting point is 00:23:01 Damn. You look like a serial killer. Cake Topper or serial killer, which one, both? I feel like one is a lot more whimsical than the other one. I'm trying to think of the movie. So it was a movie about, the neighbor, he lived across the street. Okay.

Starting point is 00:23:19 And they think he killed that girl with the red hair. You know what I'm talking about? They always thought he killed her, but they really couldn't prove it. And you look like the man who played the man of the killer. Was it Stanley Tucci that was Are you thinking of the lovely bones? Yes. Oh my, you look

Starting point is 00:23:36 just like the killer. He know what I'm talking. It was a lovely bone. You heard that before, haven't you? I've never heard that one, but I did. I know the movie. Oh, my God. It's a lovely bones. It is. side by side of me and Tucci, Eldis. Mark that down.

Starting point is 00:23:51 That's what the killer look like. Yes. Do you think he killed her? I think he did. I think he did. He never got caught, did he? I don't think he did. They never found her body either did they?

Starting point is 00:24:04 The real story? I think they did find her. Down in that hole. I think so. I don't remember. It's been a while. I actually watched that at your house, Alde's in college.

Starting point is 00:24:13 Yes. You don't remember the lovely bones. The lovely bones. Wasn't that on Netflix or at the theaters? No, we came out on theaters. This is a pretty old movie. Yeah, I thought it at the movie, too. Tucci back in the day. Tucci looking weird.

Starting point is 00:24:25 You know, Ryan Gosling, they gave him that role, and then he got so fat that they fired him, and then he just got fat for no reason. Ryan Gossing was trying to look like me, I guess, and it didn't work out for him. He was originally cast in the weird serial killer role. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:40 And they fired him? He says they fired him because he got too fat. Nobody asked him to get fat, and he thought it would make sense for the character. and then he just got fired. Wow. I would have loved to see some pictures of fat gosseling back then. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:24:54 That's who you remind me of, the lovely bones. This is reminding me of high school where everyone just said I looked like whatever fat white guy was on television. I got a lot of Kevin James. I got a lot of Jack Black. I got a lot of... Yeah. But you're not a bad looking guy. You're a nice looking guy.

Starting point is 00:25:12 You do have a baby face. Yeah, yeah. You do have a baby face. I do. I do. You're a good-looking guy. guy. I'm sorry about your penis. That's okay. I made peace with it.

Starting point is 00:25:21 I made people with it years ago. Did you? Yeah, yeah. But you got a little money. I know you got a little money. So you can always get an implant, a dick implant. I think if the technology was there, we'd know about it. Well, I would say this to you. Are you married? I'm not married. Oh, you're single?

Starting point is 00:25:35 I am single, yeah. Well, all you got to do is just start dating black women and need their bills paid. They would treat you so good. That sounds good to me. Yes. I have no problems there. Yeah, because you're going to take care of her. and the kids she's going to bring over.

Starting point is 00:25:48 Yeah, I do think step dad is sort of my dad. When you look like this, that's sort of your destiny. Yeah, I mean, she's going to fuck you, so you're going to eventually have a biracial baby. I would have a baby by you because you got some money. I'm open to that. Yeah, not me now, not me. No, no, no.

Starting point is 00:26:06 My shit's tired up. If you have sex with me, you're just wasting your time. I don't want no sex. I've been having sex since elementary school. I'm really. Yeah, that's a little early, I would say. Yeah, I was going to get my shit out the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:26:22 And now you're sexually retired. I'm sexually mentally mentally and physically retired. Wow. I just can't put my leg in the air no more. My heart say no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. That is beautiful. I do think that's a nice part of life to hit where you're like, I'm done with this.

Starting point is 00:26:45 I don't understand why old guys want dick pills. That's your time to sit in a rocking chair and eat apple pie. You know, it's really hard to have a soft dick because I'm quite sure yours ain't soft yet. But soft dick just lay on your leg like a dead person. And it's kind of hard to go down there and just look at your dick dick. You want to put some life back in it. Sure, I guess that's true. You think it's the psychological toll of looking at your limp dick is the problem.

Starting point is 00:27:11 I'm quite sure nobody wants to say. And you can't just take your dick off and throw it away. So, but you got to carry around to the day you die. So it's just dead weight. Yeah. Yeah, that is true. So why not try to wake it back up, you know? I don't know.

Starting point is 00:27:27 The same way you're done, why wouldn't, why shouldn't they be done, you know? Well, my pussy don't lay on my leg. Oh, I see. It's really physical. It's in his own pouch. Sure, sure, sure, sure. I don't see it if I don't look down now. But you have to, you know, you have to see it.

Starting point is 00:27:43 Right, right, right. I piss and wipe. You got to shake it. yours off it. That is true. And as you're shaking it off, an arm of an angel, be playing in the background. Sure, sure, sure. The song that preferred that dogs. As you shake your piss off your penis.

Starting point is 00:27:57 Yeah. And the eyes of an age. Sarah McLaughlin. Sarah McLaughlin playing while you're trying to shake life back into your penis. A commercial with old guys impotent dicks and it's that. Yeah. It's that song. Interesting. But you should definitely come on a black side.

Starting point is 00:28:11 Black women will love you. They would love to use you. Hey, I'm open to it, like I said. You know, I know how the world works, you know, so we're all getting a little something out of it. That's okay with me. No, they'll love you for it. You're a cutie by.

Starting point is 00:28:28 You got a cute little face. Thank you. You don't need a make-over. Get out that black mama jug and see. Get you a nice toupee. Comb your back half to the front. Can you fix his hair, Jay? What do you think, man?

Starting point is 00:28:45 He fixed my hair. I'm quite sure he can comb that shit to the front and give you a pixie cut. Com it over, give me bangs. No bangs. I don't like white people with bangs. We're going to give you a makeover.

Starting point is 00:29:05 No, I'm, I resist. Everyone's going to get a hair transplant. I'm not interested in that. Don't do that. Because they just beat up. And then somebody just died from that, too. That's like getting a BBL. It is.

Starting point is 00:29:15 Yeah, don't do that. It's like, just cut it off or either by you. They got, they got wigs now so good for men. Did you see the boxing who got his wig knocked off? Yes, that was awesome. Yeah, but don't fight on them. Yeah. They're not fightable.

Starting point is 00:29:27 Me and hair is not fightable. Yeah. It is insane to go do a boxing match, knowing you have a toupee on. You know what could happen to you. Well, that's not call a toupee anymore. That's called a man wig. A man wig. Yeah, a man lace.

Starting point is 00:29:41 Tupé is for people like Donald Trump. Donald Trump got a toupee. I see. Now that is called a man wig, right? Right, Jay? Is there a difference? Man wig? They're man wig.

Starting point is 00:29:52 A man wig, okay. Yeah. Yeah, it does feel like that is that wigs are back. And I always, I don't understand why we can't, you know, why men don't do wigs as much. I feel like women, they'll throw on wigs all the time. Oh, I got on one right now. Well, you know, men, every man don't think he's sexy ball head. Everybody ain't got their head, you know.

Starting point is 00:30:13 I don't know how they shape your head at birth, but if they, It's not bad. Yeah, I was bald for a while. Yeah, so, you know, some people think their head is lumpy. Some people have all them knots in the back of their head. And some people have their little portable pussy in the back of their head. So they don't want to show on it. The neck rolls are tough.

Starting point is 00:30:31 Yeah, the fat neck rolls are tough. Yeah, so. Luckily, I don't really have it too bad. You look like a Sharpay, those dogs, you know, with those scrunched-up faces. Yes. Yeah. They look like Pam dogs. You got one of them dogs.

Starting point is 00:30:42 Yeah. But, you know, you should. you know, combing to the front. I mean, if you need to. The old-fashioned comb over. You don't see the comb over much anymore. No, only Donald Trump rocked the comb over. It isn't old.

Starting point is 00:30:58 But maybe it'll come back. I mean, if Jerry curls are coming back, the comb over, a leisure suit, who knows? That's why I tell you need a black woman. You need to sit between a black woman league and they'll grease your hair. If she greased your hair, it's going to grow back. She needs to massage your scalp, all of that.

Starting point is 00:31:19 You know, all of that. Yeah, send me some wrecks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So how do you like your black women, with or without crack? I would say without. Okay. If those are my two options, I would go without. Okay.

Starting point is 00:31:32 Yeah, I feel like. With or without kids? Yeah, I guess it depends. You know, I'm open. Okay. I think, yeah, it is nice. The thing about being a stepdad, it feels like somebody set to bar. real low, you know?

Starting point is 00:31:46 No, it wouldn't be low for you. It would be easy to cross it, is what I'm saying. Do you ever approach black women? Sure, yeah. I grew up, I mean, I grew up in Baltimore, so I mean... Do you ever approach black women like, hey, how you doing? Yeah, I'll approach a black woman and ask her how she's doing, sure. Wait, can I take you out? Yeah, I mean, I have, I live in a strange reality where I've, I just don't even meet people

Starting point is 00:32:10 any outside of the internet anymore. So it's like, but yeah, Some of the women I mean online are black women, yeah. See, I told you they're interested. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One last time you got laid by one. Let's see here. Don't say COVID.

Starting point is 00:32:26 No, no. Everybody was fucking everybody. Sleep it up, but what? See, I told you. Okay, yeah. Did you call her back? Yeah. You still talking to her?

Starting point is 00:32:38 I've seen her, yeah, yeah. See, I told you. Mm-hmm. It is different sucking a color ariola, isn't it? I didn't find what's different. Yes, it is. It's probably had lotion on it. Yep, yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:53 Probably softer. And the vagina hair is called nappy grip. It's different. Yeah, I'd notice that, sure. Did it get stuck in your teeth? I can't tell if it was that or a popcorn colonel. Oh, okay. I was just at the movies before, so it is tough to see.

Starting point is 00:33:11 If you're out there and you're looking for a good white man, Here's one right here. Thank you, Miss Pat. What's your name? Star Rosas. Star Rosis. Star Rophis is right here for you. That's right.

Starting point is 00:33:26 Yeah. I'm ready to go. Yeah, so, hmm, where do we go? This has been fun because it's mostly been about my penis and trying to get me laid by black women, which is fine because we have been, you know,

Starting point is 00:33:39 it's nice that we led with honesty. And then we can move forward from there. Okay. But yeah, what, I mean, the other stuff we should talk about, you got the shows, you got the, you're on tour right now. I'm on tour. I'm on tour. Please go to misspatcommonie.com for all my tour dates. I'm getting ready to tape my second special.

Starting point is 00:33:59 Awesome. I'm doing it this time out of my own pocket. And I'm taping it in Baltimore. Oh, shit. Where are you taping it? Center stage. Oh, Center stage is cool. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:34:10 I'm about to, we're filming, we're doing my special on the 20th or the 25th. For us? We're going to do it for Netflix. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Netflix didn't call me, but okay. No. That's crazy.

Starting point is 00:34:22 Yeah. The first special was on Netflix, wasn't it? Yes, it was. The first one was on Netflix. Well, who knows? Maybe you shoot it. I mean, who knows who will run it? But either way, I'm excited to see the next one.

Starting point is 00:34:32 Yeah, Baltimore's a fun town for, for, it's a great comedy town. You know, yeah, we're doing it. I'm excited for it. I'm a little worried my family will be there. I don't like that. Some of the jokes are about them, but... Oh, all my jokes is about my family. Act like they're not there and just do them.

Starting point is 00:34:50 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love talking about my family. Every one of them, I'm part of my gay daughter to my stupid son, to being married, to my begging grandkids, to the stepkids I got. I talk about everything. Who's the, what's the ranking of family members? Do you have, like, a ranking going of who you love the most at any time? Oh, I love the kids.

Starting point is 00:35:07 My favorite child is Junebug. Okay. That's my favorite kid. So you have an answer. No, no even thinking. No? Like, oh, they're all the same. No, I know all the same.

Starting point is 00:35:16 People lie. Everybody got a kid. They can't stain. Who's that for you, your son? That for me is two of the oldest ones. They get them, my goddamn nerves. My favorite child is Junebug. But I love all of my kids.

Starting point is 00:35:33 I do. I think I'm a pretty decent mom to all of them. But my favorite is Junebug. I think once I get old, Junebug would really take care of me. Everybody else is going to wait for you. me to die so they can get my money. And some of them, I believe two of them will pull the plug while I'm still alive. I can literally have my eyes open talking with IV in my own and they'll pull the plug.

Starting point is 00:36:01 What makes Junebug your favorite? I think because he was my last one. And I didn't find out I were pregnant with him to talk about six, seven months and it was too late for an abortion. So I said, well, maybe he was supposed to be here. And plus I had abortion with my other child And I had abortion with another baby Before I had my son

Starting point is 00:36:20 And God got me back So I ended up keeping a stupid-ass child You think the first one was smarter than Hell yeah I killed my LeBron James Damn So your son was the phone Mike Tyson

Starting point is 00:36:38 And I just kept old dumb They couldn't even get no social security shit How many, how many, like, because you said, you, you had your first two kids and then it feels like you've, like, had multiple, you know, you've had like, you've raised like, yeah, you have step kids and then. I have four kids. Yeah. Two abortions. And then I raise my sister kids. And then I raise my, now have my niece kids.

Starting point is 00:37:04 Oh, wow. Yeah. How's that? That's a. It's been about 13 years. They're almost grown. Okay. Damn.

Starting point is 00:37:12 You just, so you've basically done, like, three different shifts. I have. Three or four motherhood shifts. I have and I'm done. I'm not taking care of nobody else's kid. Fuck them. Yeah. Damn.

Starting point is 00:37:23 That's got to be tough when you think you're done and then here's like, niece, that's got to be like, well, you know, you know, I'm quite sure.

Starting point is 00:37:31 Meth is in your community and crack is in mine, so it's no different. You just wait on somebody to blow up a lap so you can take their kids in their family. And, you know,

Starting point is 00:37:41 waiting on somebody to get hit by a car from being high on crack. Yeah, yeah. And then I have to take their kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. And then, so what are you going to do without, now that you're going to be done with kids?

Starting point is 00:37:52 What's the, what do you put your- I want to travel. I want to do comedy and just travel. Nice. Yeah, you said you were going to go to Japan? I'm going to Japan. Have you been? No, you?

Starting point is 00:38:00 I've been. It's awesome. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long was you there? I was there like a week. I did it. I did some shows in a show.

Starting point is 00:38:08 Well, the first time I went, I did like these, like, very low-level, like, army-based shows. This is, like, 50-year-based shows. This is like 15 years ago at this point when I first started comedy. And that was fun, but I had like one day off. And then I went back maybe like, you know, 10 years ago, five, 10 years ago. I don't remember exactly when. And it was great, you know. It was easier to get around, phone, you know, after phone with like the maps and everything like that.

Starting point is 00:38:33 It was cool. But it's, it was great. I mean, I love big cities. I love seeing like different stuff. And I was in Tokyo. And it was really sick. Yeah. Yeah, we're going to Tokyo soccer in Kyoto.

Starting point is 00:38:43 Nice. So I'm excited. I'm excited. Yeah, are you a big Japanese food fan? No. No? No. I ain't going to say it.

Starting point is 00:38:52 I don't know what Japanese food is. Sushi. Well, I like noodles and I like sushi. I don't eat raw sushi, but I do like sushi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So is that like the, you're just going, there's no. I'm taking a family trip. It's 25 black people going to Japan.

Starting point is 00:39:08 I'm sorry, 22, 22 black people going to Japan. Yeah, that's insane. 22 people go to Japan. You almost said, that's a lot of black people. Yeah, they're going to let you in? Japan doesn't seem that cool, that chill. 22 is, that's just the logistics of a family vacation to 22 is nuts. That's what we're going. It's a vacation.

Starting point is 00:39:29 Yeah, damn, that'll be fun. I mean, that'll be fun. I don't know. It gives me, just planning that seems annoying to me. It's been a little annoying, but we're getting it together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, good for you. Yeah, good for you. You have a good.

Starting point is 00:39:42 you have a good outlook on life where it's like all this horrific shit happens and you're just like yeah who cares I'll raise some kids you gotta get away from this shit we can't just sit here and I mean every day is something catastrophic with this man

Starting point is 00:39:56 yeah yeah yeah it's brutal you know we the black community is waiting on y'all white people to stop this shit you know until y'all get together and gather your school shoot at the next meeting I am gonna let everybody know I'm gonna let them know

Starting point is 00:40:09 cut it out fellas yeah this is going on I think the school shooters on Joe and ice because they haven't. It ain't been in. That is, yeah, what are the statistics? Yeah, we had no school shooters.

Starting point is 00:40:22 They're all on ice now. Yeah, yeah. Like, probably police killings are down because everyone's in ice. You just kill people with ice. Yeah, it's just, it's fucking. Yeah, it's really crazy. I've just never seen the world like this.

Starting point is 00:40:39 I just think his history repeating itself. and the greed. I mean, I'm like, we are literally watching white people still America again. We are literally watching white people still America again. Yeah, I mean, the, like,

Starting point is 00:40:54 it is this kind of corruption. This man is suing us for $10 million dollars because somebody leaked his shitty taxes. We all know he cheated on. His taxes? Yeah, he's suing.

Starting point is 00:41:09 He's suing us. What the fuck did I have to do with it? I didn't leak your taxes. Why are you suing it else? He's suing the government. That's fucking the president. The government. We pay our taxes to the government.

Starting point is 00:41:22 So we're just going to sit here and get you all money because your feeling hurts because somebody was fucking with you. Well, that's what I like about black people. We never shoot up schools and we shoot the person we came to shoot. Find out who leak your taxes, Mr. President, and sue them. Yeah. But don't take my money. I'm paying into my IRA or whatever the hell they take my money for.

Starting point is 00:41:46 It's just a, we literally watching white people still America again. Yeah, there was something where it was like he, I mean, he's taking bribes from like, he's like selling shit to the Saudis and. Man, we are prostitutes. Yeah. You hear me. We just, today he gave our, I think Iran. Give me a sip of a drink.

Starting point is 00:42:08 Yeah. Elders, Elders, Miss Pass. Root Beer Boy. We don't have a side table yet. So Eldis is ready to go at any moment to get, to bring a sip to our guest. Thank you. It is the craziest shit. And people just act like

Starting point is 00:42:25 they still love him. And I said, this is right. I've never seen racism like this. It's insane how, and it's like even the shit, nobody gives a fuck. Like his supporters pretend that it's like, well, they want the baby pussy too. They like. They like.

Starting point is 00:42:41 Baby pussy. That's why they're tired of eating one of those things they be eating with the baby pussy, Jay? They tired of eat oysters. Orsters look generally like baby pussy. They want the real baby pussy. So they are out here, they're ready to eat the baby pussy. They want a lower

Starting point is 00:42:57 the age. So they're jealous, is what you're saying. Yeah, they want the baby pussy. They tired old leaky pussy like mine, on hot flash pussy. They want the baby pussy. They wouldn't settle for like 20s. No, that's some youth. Pusset. They've been dug into. Tampons been in. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the pussy when you take off your drawl. The drawls just smell a little pissy. That's interesting. Yeah, I haven't heard that take on the Epstein files. But I am open to it. That's a very, that's, yeah, I think, Elders, I think it's about time we take. Miss Pact clearly has a wonderful view on the world here that's going to help our callers.

Starting point is 00:43:39 Okay. We can't, it's, let's, let's not. just talk about geopolitics and my little dick. Let's talk about the real problems our callers have. So, Aldous, why don't you play us a couple calls here? Hey, Stavv, Eldis, and esteemed guests. Everyone calls you all fucking esteemed guests. Got a little bit of a situation that I just want your advice on. So I am 30 and my girlfriend is 22.

Starting point is 00:44:04 She just graduated community college and she's putting in... Graduated community college and she's... She's putting in her applications for university now, and she'll be heading off to university in, like, August around the fall semester. And so we have a good relationship. It's long distance. We see each other, you know, about once a month, roughly she'll come down for a week, or I'll go up there.

Starting point is 00:44:29 And with her gearing up to go to university, I have some concerns about continuing the relationship. I do love the girl, and she's great and all. Don't get me wrong. I'm keeping this short for the podcast. but basically I don't know how much I trust her or the people in college when she goes off to university. Like, realistically, you know, she's 22. She's definitely going to want to fuck and be super horny,

Starting point is 00:44:55 especially if she's like drinking out there at a party or whatever. He's 30? How long has you been dating this girl? Well, let me just say this. Call her. That girl, 22 years old. One thing we know about white girls, they wow. in the first 25 years, they suck over a thousand dicks.

Starting point is 00:45:19 Those are interesting statistics. You might want get up. You might be getting up or take your ass up there, enroll in that university with her. Because she's about to have so many dicks. And once she get that black cock in her mouth, it's over. It is over. That's good.

Starting point is 00:45:37 Yeah. What are the demographics of the university she's going to? Well, they don't want to know, but she can just get a black cock that can read and it's over. Did he have anything else to say? Break it off now. Yeah. Before you get your day to pistol. He's just worried she's going to cheat on him.

Starting point is 00:45:53 She's going to cheat on you. She's 22. That pussy is like a firecrackle. I mean, and all this time she's been sucking your average dick. Oh, my God. 30 and 22, all she. So it's like, what's that relationship? When did it start?

Starting point is 00:46:11 It don't matter. Yeah. She's going to have so much dick in her jaws. I tend to agree. I agree with this past read of the situation. She's a 22-year-old white girl. They come out the wound ready. All that church, them people, don't put into that little white girl.

Starting point is 00:46:31 Is she free now? I'm going to say that, Negro, please. Yeah, man. You should probably just cut it off. Also, she doesn't want it. Even if she doesn't cheat on you, it's like, what's the best case scenario? She's going to cheat on you. She's going to cheat on you, right?

Starting point is 00:46:48 That's true. She's 22, year 13. Where do you see this relationship going? This is natural. To the university to be fucked. That's where I see this relationship going. No, it's over. To the university of dick.

Starting point is 00:47:01 It's over. She will be getting her doctorate at that university. She'll get dipped and docked. What else? we got Eldis. I think that I think we dispatched our caller pretty quickly there. Hey, stuff. Eldits, esteemed. A few years old. Physician in a pretty demanding specialty. Work really hard. Married with two kids. Here's my problem. Married to my wife for 10 years. We have a beautiful house. Nice cars. Take great

Starting point is 00:47:34 vacation. She doesn't have to work. Two nannies. She's got everything she wants in the world. sex life has been pretty terrible as a non-existent for over a year tried everything I could eventually gave up admittedly had to join Only fans He had to join

Starting point is 00:47:57 I'd be doing that for Stop replay that He had to join only fans So wait he joined it but he I think he means he's like a customer He's watches only Yeah, yeah. He subscribes to other women's only fans.

Starting point is 00:48:11 Okay. Had to join. Had to. He said he said he would put a gun to his fucking head. And I've been doing that for about a year. Nothing personalized. Just kind of subscribe to a few pages. Okay.

Starting point is 00:48:28 Watch some content, pay for some content. Didn't really think much of it. Maybe spend $60, $70 a month. Wife runs across this on one of my credit cards. frees out, says it's cheating, wants a divorce, tells me that if I'm looking at anybody that's not her,

Starting point is 00:48:48 and paying for it, that's the same thing as going to, like, a sex party or cheating on her. I think this is really strange, personally. She don't want you. And that was her way out. Yeah, I agree. She do not want you,

Starting point is 00:49:02 and you sound like such a good man. And she do not want you. If somebody hadn't fucked you in a year and you're married and this lady got the home, the car, the life, she might be fucking your home boys. That's what white women do. Best case scenario she doesn't want you. Worst case scenario, she's fucking your friends.

Starting point is 00:49:22 She might be. But if she ain't fucking you and you got to go to OnlyFan and jack your dick off them short videos. Do you know how hard it is to jack your dick off them shorts? And I don't even know what's her only fan. I don't even know what they get in the whole video. But if you spent $70 on some pussy that you couldn't even get and she wanted divorce, sir, your wife is a bitch.

Starting point is 00:49:43 And she's cheating on you. And the reason why she wanted divorce is because she was looking for a way out. What you did was not cheating. What you did was trying to keep your nuts from exploding. And I understand that. You get rid of that white bitch and get a black bitch. Because we want to be put up. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:50:03 If you want some biracial kid, bring your ass to the other side. you can get better food because I know I know you are sicker motherfucking macaroni cheese at the entree because that's all white women cook is macaroni cheese for the entree. Your wife is a bitch and she's cheating. Yeah, it's fucking insane

Starting point is 00:50:21 to say OnlyFans is cheating particularly when you don't like she's essentially she starved you. It's kind of like siege warfare. She starved you out forced you to put up. Which is, by the way, a good outcome.

Starting point is 00:50:39 Even I have sex every 90 days. Keep the accounts open before you. That is, he's young. I mean, time he's shit, his nuts fill up with nuts. How long did he say they've been together? They've been married for 10 years. Oh, how many? 10.

Starting point is 00:50:59 10. Married. You've been married for 10 years. Your wife been fucking at the yoga class. I do think she... It's always some white women that do that yoga shit. Yeah, the personal trait... That happens a lot when someone...

Starting point is 00:51:14 She was with a trainer or something. Happen to Tom Brady, in fact. That's Giselle with her karate instructor. Go and get you a black woman. Do the next caller. I agree, eldest. Oh. God damn, I keep looking at you.

Starting point is 00:51:32 Go and do the next one. Like they don't know it's. Hello, Stavros, eldest, guest. Thank you for taking my call. So, a little story. I'm married, been married for nine years. And my wife's great, funny, lovely, beautiful, all the things you want. Our relationship is good.

Starting point is 00:51:55 The problem is with our dog. He is 10, 11 years old. He has epilepsy. So he's still got some life left, but he's showing signs. aging. The problem is my wife has claimed she wants to have him stuffed when he dies and potentially turned into a coffee table.

Starting point is 00:52:19 Although I think that's kind of funny, I don't think I want a stuffed dog in my house. And then there's the inevitable time when we have to at some point throw him out again. So it'll be like he's dying twice. How do I convince my wife that we shouldn't do that? Or is there another solution on what we can do, a creative solution on what to do with the remains of my dog when he is no longer with us? I am also acutely aware that this is white people's shit.

Starting point is 00:53:01 So if you have a guest that is a person of color, that might, add a little better perspective on this whole situation. I'm so glad I'm here for you. Lucky, lucky. Lucky you. It's a great work, love you and everything. Bye.

Starting point is 00:53:16 Bye-bye. Yeah, your dog got epilepsy. That's the first problem. That's fucking crazy. So that's just seizures, right? Yeah, I think so. There's some people who have to have somebody around and keep them bumping their head.

Starting point is 00:53:25 Right. So I don't know why to fuck your wife won't stuff that dog. But if I was you, just keep your wife to shut the fuck up. Stuff the dog. Call me. I will have somebody. breaking your house and steal the dog. Oh, smart.

Starting point is 00:53:38 And you ain't got to worry. Yeah. And you're a good guy. Yeah. You know, and then you just, you put insurance on that stuffed dog table. Right. And you ain't got to worry about this shit no more.

Starting point is 00:53:49 That's true. But it is definitely white people's shit. I've never heard anybody in my black people. We don't stuff our dogs. It feels very country to me. Yeah. Stuffed animal. Like that to me, I would never do that shit.

Starting point is 00:54:00 You know what you should do. You should stuff him and have him standing up with his dick on hard and see if she keep it. Yeah, have them add a very red dog dick to the end of that thing. Yes. That is so fucking stupid. Tell your wife to get a life and get another fucking dog. Whatever dog is dying, they made another one look just like him. That's the good part about having a damn dog.

Starting point is 00:54:23 It's a lot of them. And they all look alike. Are you a dog person? Yes, I have cane course over. One died and I just bought another one. Those are huge, right? Those are big dogs? King Corso's?

Starting point is 00:54:36 Mm-hmm. Oh, hell yeah. How big, because you have like a... I was seeing it on Instagram, you're like built, you built, like, a huge house. Yeah, they have a dog house. Yeah, those dogs live better

Starting point is 00:54:45 than eldest lives. I've seen their house. It looks better than his apartment. It's nice. Yeah. Jesus Christ. Please tell your wife. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:54:57 Don't do that. Don't do it, man. Because if a person of color come over there, they're going to be like, what the fuck is wrong with these people? They're going to be calling everybody. Hey, this is where I'm mad.

Starting point is 00:55:07 I think they eat black people. Don't do that. That would be fucking, imagine you walk into someone's house and there's a fucking dog with a glass table over top of it. We would immediately say we left something in the car. That's fucking crazy. We'll get back in the car and pull the fuck off. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:55:23 Your wife wants everyone to think your family's insane. That's what will happen if you have a fucking stuffed dog. It's fucking crazy, dude. You can't. Just show her this clip. Let her see how viscerally disgusted we, are. We both are. And no one is going to want to come over. Somebody drops their kids off to play with your kids and they see a fucking dog. And you have a fucking coffee resting on top of a dog. It's

Starting point is 00:55:46 going to look weird. Tell your wife, is she going to waste her time on some taxidermy shit? Why don't she wait until you die and stuff you? At least you'll be ever, you can forever be around. When she gets another man, she can put you in the closet. When she's lonely, she can pull you back out. That's interesting. Human taxidermy. Some of them to consider. eldest what else we got man we're we're crushing these problems hello eldest uh exhumed your guest

Starting point is 00:56:16 I'm hoping that y'all can help me with this to see who is right if I'm right or I'm in the wrong so I have a friend who is recovering from a pretty gnarly eating disorder had it since high school and over the past four years they've been in recovery for it an eating disorder

Starting point is 00:56:34 eating disorder oh not black people problem And so I have been very careful whenever inviting them to, like, eat at my house or we go out to eat, just be aware of that. Now, I am having a dinner, and I tried finding recipes that would facieate everybody that included some with meat, some without meat. And I had to vote in it because it was a tie and we ended up choosing a dish that had tomatoes. come to find out that the girl that has the ED doesn't like tomatoes not because the E Bish don't like nothing she throw everything up potatoes not because of the ED but because they're yucky and they're too red

Starting point is 00:57:22 and so I just need your advice because I don't know if I'm in the right to do this tomato dish because I want to do the tomato dish or if I should just you know change my vote so then we do the dish that she wants as well. This is kind of been a problem where she acts very childish and she like, if she doesn't get her way, then she gets upset. And she don't get away. She's not. I also included a question in the form saying dietary restrictions, anything I should

Starting point is 00:57:52 know about. And she didn't put anything. So am I the right to make this like tomato dish? This is. Or should I have just made the other dish or should I have just made the other dish? Like, I don't know what to do. So if y'all could help me out, I would appreciate it. Also, I have really great tips.

Starting point is 00:58:11 So I hope that influences you the situation. Interesting, interesting. Awesome tips. First of all, why is you inviting somebody to your house who's going to throw up your food? That's a waste of fucking time. Come on, white people. Some of this shit, you ain't got a call in to the serial killer for. It is crazy.

Starting point is 00:58:30 I mean, who, first, if she got her eating disorder, the bitch should be at the house. Okay? And then how she's scattered tomatoes? Because no matter what she eats, she's going to throw it up. So she's going to waste your food regardless. So you should tell her, bring your own food because you're going to throw it up in a way. I mean, yeah, it's like I think the weird thing here is she's talking about a dinner party and like. Well, who are inviting vomit cake people to do?

Starting point is 00:58:56 Your friend is a vomit cake. A vomit cake? Yeah, who invite them to a dinner party? You take them to the movies. You don't invite them where food. That, you know, we, that, that ED is what they call it, right? Yeah, eating disorder. We never had that in the black community.

Starting point is 00:59:13 You didn't know anybody growing up that eating disorder? You would get the fuck beat out of you throwing up your mama food. Bitch you would be in that bag, sucking that shit back like a strong. You would get your ass beat. It was not a disorder. It was, you disrespect my table. Yeah, yeah. We would get our ass beat for throwing the problem.

Starting point is 00:59:32 So you need to get better friends. I'm just going to keep it real with you. I've never had a friend to throw up unless you were drunk or she had the flu. Invite no fucking vomit cake person to no fucking dinner party? I would say I have a slightly different take on it, which is you can invite her. I would say if she wanted the other one, first of all, like making a Google spreadsheet for a dinner party, that to me is whiter than stuffing your dog. No, it ain't whiter.

Starting point is 01:00:06 Who the fuck? What she said a tomato dish? Why is you making a tomato dish? What the hell is a tomato dish? Yeah, I would say what's, yeah, what, because my philosophy towards a dinner party is have so much food that it's like, you got to overdo it when you're hosting a dinner party, in my opinion. So you shouldn't have one dish, right?

Starting point is 01:00:26 One tomato-based dish. Even if I didn't have an eating disorder, think of it this way. you want to please people You also want to please fat people Think about it like you're cooking for fat people She doesn't sound like she has fat friends That's a yeah that might be a problem And they probably all got ED and DDE

Starting point is 01:00:43 So I would say Overdo it cook wise Do both dishes You know what I mean You want people when you're hosting Or say it's a potluck But you can't host In my opinion you can't host a part

Starting point is 01:00:55 A dinner party and say there's one dish That's fucking insane Well how about this Just don't invite your friend Who likes to throw up How about that? The bishops stop hanging out with throw-up bitches. Okay?

Starting point is 01:01:08 And get a bitch you know how to swallow. What if she's a recovering throw-up this? I don't hang out with her either. So if you have an eating disorder, you're not allowed to go to dinner parties. You shouldn't. You should stay at home and throw up your mama's shit. Somebody who care about you wasting their food. Because you throw up my food, I'm going to slap the shit out of you.

Starting point is 01:01:30 Food is too high for a bitch. to even have a disorder. Here's the thing. If I'm having a party, I don't care if you wait. You know, have a good time is what I care about. Now, be different if it was day-to-day you're caring for someone who's wasting food,

Starting point is 01:01:41 whatever. But listen, I don't fucking care. Like, most of the shit... And don't know anybody won't see them with no ED anyway. They'd be all fucking shoulders and bones. I think they... I think we shouldn't ostracize people with ED.

Starting point is 01:01:58 I'm going to come with the opposite perspective. Think about this. People with E.D. People who E.D. I guess you're trying to say me. Let me shut up. People that were E.D.

Starting point is 01:02:13 The meat got clon hanger shoulders. Yeah. Well, if you make a delicious enough meal, you know, put a little meat on their bones. I think the answer here is... It ain't going to be no one meal to get on their bones. And I know it's a disorder. And if this question is really real that you're asking us, huh?

Starting point is 01:02:35 What you saying? E.D. I did too. E.D. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's true. I guess it is both. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:45 So how do we know she have a disorder and not a limp dick? Maybe that's why I'm supporting her so much. So we don't know if you have a limp dick or eating disorder. I think he's an eating disorder. If it was an eat disorder, just get better for it. If it was a lick dick, call him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, I can tell you what to do.

Starting point is 01:03:06 Yeah, I don't know what to do with a little dick. Listen, overcook, have a couple extra dishes. If your friend doesn't like tomatoes because they're yucky, I think it doesn't matter if she has eating disorder. Even if she just was a regular guest who wasn't a fan of that dish, you don't want to half the people who voted to be pissed. Just cook both things, in my opinion. Cook less of both things.

Starting point is 01:03:27 Cook enough. cook some side dishes, say it's a potluck. No one should be mad about the food at a dinner party. The whole fucking point is the dinner. You wanted to be something everybody's going to at least enjoy a little bit or have an element that they like. You don't want anybody being mad about the food at your fucking dinner party. Except to eat dear.

Starting point is 01:03:46 Yeah, yeah. She might like something, though. Did she mention what the other dish was, Eldis? No, okay. Well, anyway, hope you and your great tits have a good dinner party. We're rooting for you. And yeah, cook more than you think is my, you know, that's a, that's the Greek thing, though, too, is like, oh, keep it real like a real black person. Get friends that don't vomit.

Starting point is 01:04:08 Yeah, those are your two options. Get friends that don't vomit or cook a little extra food. You decide. What else we got, LD? Hey, Stav, hey, Eldis, hey guests, I got a quick one for you. I love eating pussy. And I just started hooking up with this new girl and casual. And when we first hooked up, I went to go eat her out.

Starting point is 01:04:38 And she said, no, don't do it. I'm insecure. And I'm not like, okay. And then the next time we fucked, I didn't go to eat her out, but I caught a whiff. And I was like, I see why she is insecure. So basically my question is How do I tell this girl that I'm not in a serious relationship with That like has anybody actually straight up told you

Starting point is 01:05:12 You know The rumors are true It does stink And then how do I help her fix it Because I do really want to eat her pussy Yeah that's just me Take that. Wow.

Starting point is 01:05:30 Tough problem, man. Take her to the doctor. Shit. The doctor fixed broken bushes. Her pussy got something on crawled. She needs an autopsy. Go get that girl an optopsis.

Starting point is 01:05:51 Jesus. How do you tell her? You call a doctor. You can't fix that pussy. That pussy needs medication. Yeah, probably the doctor. Unless you like eating fucking pussy. You,

Starting point is 01:06:05 how do you tell your girlfriend, your pussy's things? I think it's his real question. Well, I think a big thing for him, too, is that like they're not dating seriously. He's talking up.

Starting point is 01:06:14 No, he said, he said, how do you tell someone who you're not in a serious relationship? They're casually fucking, but he still wants to eat the eater. You can't,

Starting point is 01:06:22 you can't tell someone their pussy. Your face is going to break out. I'm going to tell you right now Your shit gonna break out tongue neck Eels You eat that pussy if you want to The next time we see you

Starting point is 01:06:35 You're gonna look like lumpy dumpy Humped dumped it fell out the walk That's who you look like too humped dumpy as well Yeah You eat that pussy if you want Go on stick your tongue down there See if it catch on fire If you that anxious into eating ass

Starting point is 01:06:49 Come on over here with us I just want to eat the pussy Buy your pussy off Amazon Oh, okay, yeah. I think, listen, man, you can't. This is a weird conversation. You got a bad pussy? Sure, sure, sure I have.

Starting point is 01:07:04 It's not great. But, you know, you do have, sometimes you just have to take one for the team. But I would never, in a casual hookup scenario, I don't know that I'm telling someone their pussy stinks. So let me ask you something. Does it smell like fish or does it smell like oil or does it smell like? Oil? refrigerator bacteria

Starting point is 01:07:28 Like a moldy fridge That no one's open in a while It can be any of those Bad pussy runs the gamut There's a rainbow of bad pussy smells out there I know my pussy smell like after 48 hours old Yeah we're looking at something It sounds pretty gamey

Starting point is 01:07:52 and I think if this is a casual hookup situation, you're not telling them their pussy smells bad. If you want to, because she's going to funk up the room. If y'all ever sneak and fuck, everybody's going to know it. You could push for a shower. That's kind of, that's a move that some people do. But, you know, if you're, if she doesn't. She's going to funk up the shower.

Starting point is 01:08:18 Now you're in a close face with that foul pussy. A pussy so bad that it ruins the shower. Give her a fresh bar of soap. and a fresh washcloth. The reason why is it stinks because white people don't use washcloths. Interesting. Yeah, you ain't pulling them lips back.

Starting point is 01:08:33 You got them lip soap, girl. Get her some baking soda and vinegar like a science experiment where like the volcano erupts. Pour some baking soda and vinegar in her pussy and then it'll just pop off. You got a lot of great ideas. You're a white boy.

Starting point is 01:08:50 I know you got a gun. Just shoot in the pussy. I'm going to. to stop short of shooting her pussy. I mean, with your penis. He don't know because he got dead. Praise the Lord. Interesting guesses you have called it.

Starting point is 01:09:08 Let's do a couple more here, Elders. What else we got? Holy shit, what the hell? What the fuck? Where are we? What happened? Oh, no. Oh, I think it's time.

Starting point is 01:09:20 It's time to... Oh, my God. It's the motherfucking fucking. fucked up as question of the week from the motherfuckers at Twisted Tea. We're still we still haven't landed on the name of the segment yet, but we're getting

Starting point is 01:09:37 closer every week. Oh my God, we're here. What, Eldis, it's time to keep it fucking twisted. What do we got for the motherfucking fucked up ass fucking question of the week, man? Hi, Stubb. I, oh, and the scene Gus and Elvis. Thank you. Thank you. I'm calling because I have been dating my boyfriend for just under two years.

Starting point is 01:10:01 We're about to move in together in like a month. And he's really great. I love him so much. The main problem, though, is that he is still friends with his ex-wife. And for context, we like, he was still married when we first started dating. Ooh, keep it, twisty. That's keeping it, motherfucking Twisted.

Starting point is 01:10:26 Ooh, kind of Polly. Kind of Polly. Wait, she said they're kind of Polly. Keep it twisting. Wow. They were like kind of polyamorous, but then they, a month after we started dating, like they decided to get a

Starting point is 01:10:41 divorce. Damn, that's Keep it twisted. So he's been divorced for a full year now. Holy shit. The wife, ex-wife, excuse me, live six blocks away

Starting point is 01:10:53 with her new partner who is a woman that she met at work. Okay. It is twisted. They're keeping a twisted. And they're still friends. And I'm kind of losing my mind because, like, he goes over to her house and, like, the two of them have, like, a movie night. Or, like, I have to sometimes, like, go out to the movies with them and their friends.

Starting point is 01:11:24 And, like, it's fine in a group setting. But I really, I get so angry when he tells me he's going to go over and watch a movie with her or whatever, when they're going to hang out, just the two of them. Yeah. And I just want to know, like, if I'm crazy for thinking that way. Like, I, you know, all my friends are girls and gays. And then my therapist is a woman. So I'm really only having female or female coded perspectives on this. and I just want to know if, you know, maybe there's something I'm missing in the straight male mind that thinks this is okay.

Starting point is 01:12:07 That's what you're here for, one of the finest straight minds. It's really great except for this one nagging thing. All right. Thanks, Stav. Okay. This is a very interesting situation. Super. And it is, let's just say, many parties have kept it very twisted. Keep it twisted.

Starting point is 01:12:25 Many of the parties involved have kept it. From the very jump of Kind of Poly. Kind of Polly is brutal. You're coming in at the end of that. Right. So let's just start without her, right? Sure. Let's just piece by piece.

Starting point is 01:12:38 Let's break this down. Kind of Polly insanely twisted. Kind of Polly means we're both. Who's going to cheat on who first? Right? It's like, look, we don't want, we're both cowards. It's when two people both want a relationship with end, but they're too cowardly to admit it.

Starting point is 01:12:55 So they're like, all right, if we set up a polyamorous relationship without strong guidelines, someone's feelings will get hurt, it will become a problem. It's polychicken. They are playing polychicken. Do it. That's happening. You being the one who broke them up, that's quite twisted, right?

Starting point is 01:13:14 Her, did you say the ex left him for a woman at the same? Was it simultaneous? Or was it afterwards? She's currently with a woman. Yeah. Right. Didn't she say once they started like... Yeah.

Starting point is 01:13:30 Okay. It was like... Very soon, like after they started seeing each other. That's lightly twisted. I mean, I know. Let's not, you know, everybody... People are gay. I get that.

Starting point is 01:13:38 But that's fun, at least. Sure. If it's not twisted, it's fun. That she left. She's, you know, with a woman. Now, I will... Now, so... Knee-jerk, right?

Starting point is 01:13:50 They live fucking two, blocks away or what twists Yeah Keep it twisted there Keep it twisted And It's fucking It's cool fucking horns going on outside

Starting point is 01:14:03 Now There now knee jerk Knee jerk reaction is This is insane Yeah Movie nights one on one is fucking Staying friends with your ex Is one thing right

Starting point is 01:14:18 Hang out in group settings is one thing is one thing the movie nights are fucking, now I will say, now, again, for a slight type of devil's advocacy here, these are people that were together, even tried an open relationship. Yeah. And one of them is now dating the opposite sex, right? Or the same sex in this case,

Starting point is 01:14:41 but the opposite sex of whatever, of usual. Now, what's the other lady? Because if this, if they tried being poly and it didn't work, and this lady is in a monogamous, relationship with a woman and you're in a monogamous relationship with him, most of the time would say there's zero percent chance this isn't crazy. There is a path here where this actually there is no cheating happening. Yeah. They are people who realize they weren't going to work together. One of them is now a lesbian. Sure. One of them is dating you. Yeah. And they are very close.

Starting point is 01:15:15 And they're kind of gay, poly people anyway who, like, at least lesbians. I don't know if gay guys are this way. They stay friends. Yeah. You guys probably stay friends but also blow each other or I don't know, I guess. But, uh, so there is actually a weird way where, uh,

Starting point is 01:15:32 this is actually you know, it is in a in some way wholesome, right? Yeah. I could see that. However, you still are very entitled to your feelings. Yeah. And if you think,

Starting point is 01:15:49 if it makes you uncomfortable, They hang out that much one-on-one. I mean, there's no gap between your relationship and their relationship. Negative gap. It happened at the same. They were both existing at the same time. Yeah. There wasn't time for them.

Starting point is 01:16:03 Like, you're not, here's the thing. This could be an elusive, like, you're both right and nobody's happy situation. Yeah. Where he's like, I'm not even fucking this one. What the fuck is your problem? Like, I'm not cheating on you. Why are you usually? Right?

Starting point is 01:16:21 And he is technically right. If he's not cheating on you and he just is friends with this weird lesbian ex, he might be right. You're also not wrong to be like, hey, this might be normal for you. This does not feel good to me. I have some, like maybe it's something I need to get over, but I don't really like how close you are with your ex when we were, you know, when it was so messy coming out of it.

Starting point is 01:16:44 And I'm a little insecure about that. It's also just the specific activity of one-on-one movie night. It's like the most, this is a classic. That's where you go to cheat. To cheat. Sure. So are you insecure for other reasons? Yeah.

Starting point is 01:16:59 Right? Yeah. Is this relationship just not good? Are you a little insecure because it's that old adage of if you get, not that this guy technically was cheating, but is there a little, is there something in you, it wasn't a clean break? Yeah. He came to you under, let's say, nebulous circumstances.

Starting point is 01:17:17 Right. Right. Right. Is there part of you that's like, Is there part of you that's like He did this shit Basically with me Can you do it again?

Starting point is 01:17:26 Even if it's not with her Are you ever going to trust this guy? Yeah Is this relationship kind of doomed? Yeah Because I was in college I remember I did date someone where It was a little messy

Starting point is 01:17:35 From her last You know like Sure Like You know we never She never cheated on the guy But it was like It was a little messy

Starting point is 01:17:43 And I just remember being like Just never fundamentally getting over For sure The weirdness of that And even another relationship where it's like We started out kind of messy Then we were on a good track for like a whole year Year and a half

Starting point is 01:17:56 But the early mess Eventually rears its head Yeah And if you're if you don't have a stable relationship In every other way to get over that Yeah You're kind of fucked so Yeah

Starting point is 01:18:07 Is this relationship a little too twisted It's too twisted? Is this like some kind of disgusting Competitive beverage That's warm and tastes like shit And isn't brewed with a little bit real tea, which by the way, I don't even know this. Twisted tea is brewed with real iced tea. Five percent per volume. It goes down smooth as shit.

Starting point is 01:18:29 Okay? No pesky bubbles to stop you from guzzling it. Delicious on a beautiful, on a beautiful spring day or the end of winter, wherever you may be. You suck down a twisted, an ice cold twisted tea. Is it that let, is your relationship a delicious twisted tea or is a disgusting competing brand beverage. You're going to have to figure that out. Maybe you need to sit down your boyfriend, maybe with a peach twisted tea, and discuss your relationship over some twisted teas,

Starting point is 01:19:03 is what I'm going to tell you. But you're not wrong, but if he's not cheating, he's not wrong either. Yeah. But he's weird. He's not wrong, but he's weird. You're not wrong, but you could be a little... Someone could say you're jealous.

Starting point is 01:19:19 I believe he's not cheating. cheating or even trying to fuck. But if this X is like, hey, me and my new partner want to suck you off, let's have a three-sum. He would do it in the hard. I'm excited. I just got kind of hard thinking of that. That sounds awesome.

Starting point is 01:19:34 And I think you're allowed to be like, hey, no more movie nights. Yeah, no more one-on-one. Because she's not unreasonable. She's not like, hey, don't see her ever. She's like, look, she's your friend, whatever. But it's like, come on, man, what the fuck are we doing here? Go out to lunch. So, again, neither one of you might be wrong.

Starting point is 01:19:50 But you might just not be compatible if this is that, if this drives you that crazy. And you're going to have to really get to the bottom of this. You're going to have to decide if this matters to you. And either way. Now, if you break up, drink a sorrowful twisted tea. That's right. And if you decided to stay together and keep it twisted, drink a celebratory twisted tea.

Starting point is 01:20:10 Well, that's the fucked up-up-ass, motherfucking twisted-ass fucking question of the week. Brought to you by twisted tea. Remember, folks, keep it twisted. Okay. And good luck out there. Good luck out there with your weird formerly Polly boyfriend. We're going back to the Miss Pat episode. All right, I'll just...

Starting point is 01:20:37 A couple more. Let's do one more and then a fun one. So me and my girlfriend have been together for about six months. Everything has been great between us. We love each other. We click really well. She has mostly been in Polly. relationships and I have not. And recently, her and I have been having some issues in our sex

Starting point is 01:21:01 life and she expressed to me that she would like it if I explore relationships with other women. Again, her and I are really happy together. We love each other a lot. But she told me she gets a lot of pleasure and enjoyment out of her partner being with other people. She likes hearing about it's kind of a turn-on for her so yeah do you think this is something that I should explore I've never been in a polyamorous relationship so I don't know how to navigate it let me know what you think love you by interesting question so these women are in a in a relationship and one of them wants her the our callers girlfriend wants her to date other people I don't know how to answer no polly I don't even know

Starting point is 01:21:52 nobody named Polly. I come from an era where you don't share your dick, and damn near you don't share your vagina. And why two bitches who bump vagina want to share anything? I don't know why. A pussy scratching ain't enough for y'all

Starting point is 01:22:08 too. Now she wants to go out here and see you scratch another bitch pussy. You might need to come back to the land of dick, ma'am. I'm just going to be honest. She's not right. She's not treat you right. She just wants to see other bitches eat you out. Just go on and on and come on back the dick. The crazy part is she sounded like the stud in the relationship,

Starting point is 01:22:26 but I don't know. Yeah, we don't know. Yeah, so, you know. She didn't make it clear, did she? Yeah, if your friend, if your wife wanted to see you get freaked out by somebody, y'all nasty. And y'all go in the hell two times. Freaky-ass motherfucker. So the Polly thing, that's not interesting to you at all, an open relationship. I don't open the relationship.

Starting point is 01:22:46 I had gone to real. When you open your relationship, you get STDs. How long you've been married? You've been married for a while. 32, yeah, but he didn't give me shit. Yeah, he's good, right? The dude who couldn't re gave me the shit. Okay, interesting.

Starting point is 01:23:04 So, look, does she have any, does our caller have any interest in opening this up, Eldis? Does she shit anything? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like she's being, you know, pretty, not coerced, but it sounds like this. She wants to be a trooper, but she's not into it.

Starting point is 01:23:18 This is her partner's idea. Her partner's a cuck, a female cuck, basically. What's a cuck? Somebody who likes watching. watching their wife or girlfriend get fucked. Oh. Yeah. So she a white ditty?

Starting point is 01:23:30 She has some ditty. She has some ditty elements to her for sure, it sounds like. Yeah, her girlfriend seems to have some light ditty trappings going on. Yeah, look. You got some nasty fans. We don't deal with a child molester, a stanky pussy eater. A woman being hunted by a child molester. A child molester, a stanky pussy eater.

Starting point is 01:23:53 A dude who can't get laid. Another dude that don't know his wife is cheating. A booty scratcher. Jesus, white people. I thought black people need to know that y'all have a hard time over here. So look, if you don't want to be in an open relationship, don't do it. You know what I mean? You're up here answering this shit like you're a psychiatrist, for real.

Starting point is 01:24:17 Huh? You're really into answering this bullshit. I like to tell that, yeah, yeah. We like to make fun of them and then give them a little something at the end. Okay. But you're right. Just buy you a dick. Tell the truth.

Starting point is 01:24:29 She'll hit out of that bullshit, too much. Buy you a dick. I'm sure they have purchased plenty of dicks between them. Well, buy you a dick and tell her you don't want to see, you don't want nobody to see you using your dick. In Jesus' name, y'all pray. And if she's that freaking buy a pocket pussy, and y'all lick it together.

Starting point is 01:24:49 That's it nasty. Just throwing pussy all over the. the room. Yeah, listen, you know, that's your other option. Again, you could go that way or, you know, just stand up for yourself in the relationship. Tell her, I don't want to fuck other chicks. And if you guys break up and you break up. Tell her, you don't want to eat other chicks.

Starting point is 01:25:09 Yeah, yeah, eat, whatever you're doing to him. Because a guy before you ate a pussy that almost killed him. Give us something fun to go out on here, Eldis. That was fun. That was pretty good. Hi, Savvy, eldest, and esteemed guests. I'm going to need some help. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now.

Starting point is 01:25:33 We just celebrated our anniversary. Congratulations. And he's a short king. I love him to death. He's hot as fuck, but he's short. And I can tell it makes him short. So white people call short people short kings? I think it's, I think it crosses cultural lines.

Starting point is 01:25:52 Y'all call you. you're women kings and queens? Yeah, I think it's the great tradition of white people stealing shit from black people. You guys started with king and queen. Yeah, so now y'all using king and queen. Black people, they don't stole king and queen. That's how it goes. You know how culture works.

Starting point is 01:26:08 You know, don't stole kings of black. Yeah. But he's short. And I can tell it makes them insecure. Like when we take pictures together or out and about and like a taller guy's checking me out, I can tell me some angry. So I'm just curious. Advice for dating Short Kings.

Starting point is 01:26:30 What I can do to help? Should I not say anything? Should I ignore it? Should we address it? It's not an issue of, like, chemistry or anything like that. I'm just a little bit a taller girl. So would appreciate any advice you can give. Thank you, love you guys.

Starting point is 01:26:49 I'm going to start this one, ma'am. Buy your short king some hills Or some stilks one Because nothing like a little bit of angry as white man That's all What more can you say? I mean it ain't your fault he's shot It's God fault

Starting point is 01:27:11 Yeah, it's true Tell him drink milk That's the biggest lie America ever told us He need to drink milk Jeez Oh you can always use for a tampon. The whole guy.

Starting point is 01:27:24 Yeah. Oh, damn. Well, listen, I have no personal... I don't know why you're calling this show about dating short guys. I don't know. I don't understand why. You think I would know.

Starting point is 01:27:42 But I don't... I mean, look, I never gave a fuck, but that's also kind of my whole thing. I get if you're insecure, if the guy's insecure, I don't know that there's much you can do other than if you're just being like a loving girl for him and you're not giving attention to other people who are trying to hit on you, then he shouldn't be, this is his problem and he has to figure it out.

Starting point is 01:28:04 Now, if he's being a fucking dick about it, if he's like, you know, overly insecure, being like, why are you talking to those guys are like, you know, trying to see your phone. If it bleat, if his short insecurity bleeds into the relationship, that's a problem. But if not, all you can do is, I don't know, be supportive. And you can always pick up your man And put him on the countertop In the kitchen And suck his penis

Starting point is 01:28:27 We're not gonna do better than that That's gonna be the episode folks Great advice Miss Pat Season 5 of the Miss Pat show On BET Plus Amazon you said as well Amazon Prime of BET Plus And Miss Pat Seltas is also over on BET Plus

Starting point is 01:28:49 And make sure you go to YouTube And check me out at whisking it all with Ms. Pat at Miss Pat Comedy channel. So come on over to the internet, YouTube. I'm everywhere. Go to my website, misspatcommonie.com, to find out when I'm coming to your city to solve your white problems.

Starting point is 01:29:05 That's right. Identify yourselves as Stavi's World listeners if you go. I think it'll be obvious. I think it'll be obvious if people came from this show. And we hope you do. Miss Pat is so funny. You guys are going to love her. Thank you.

Starting point is 01:29:20 Thanks for having me. Big fan. Go take out my jogging suit. See you guys. Talk to you next time. Thank you.

Stavvy's World - #171 - Ms. Pat

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