Stavvy's World - #174 - Matteo Lane

Episode Date: March 30, 2026

Matteo Lane returns to the pod to discuss the power of hair plugs, why his barber loves him, what Wicked is about, how all the actors in Grease are way too old, what it'd be like if Liza Minnelli had a straight son, growing up in a big loud household, and much more. Matteo and Stav help callers including a guy wondering if he should get back with his baby mama who cheated on him with an older guy, and a guy who wants tips on how to gently tell his girlfriend to stop talking so much during movies.   See Matteo Lane live and follow him on social media: https://matteolanecomedy.com/ https://www.tiktok.com/@matteolane     https://www.instagram.com/matteolane https://www.youtube.com/@matteolanecomedy     Thank you to our sponsors!! Visible - https://www.visible.com/catfished switch now! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! Chubbies - https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/ code STAVVYSWORLD for 20% off   ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Upah! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World, 904-800-staff. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. Returning to the couch, our pal Mateo Lane. I won't find it not funny. The Greek music. I just won't find it not funny. I don't think many people grew up around Greek, so for me, I did. Yeah, you get it.

You understand. It's a very joyous start to the show. We're happy to have you back in our temporary downtown studios in an undisclosed. location. Hopefully we will very, well, actually, I can't even say very soon we'll be in the proper studio because we won't be. But, you know, in a month, maybe two months, who knows. But for now, thanks for coming, Mateo.

It's been too long. I feel like we haven't had you in a while. I know. Well, we've been busy. We've always, we've almost have done each other's podcast a couple times. And then we're just too. You had a good reason not to do my. You had a big thing.

I had an audition and I got it. That's amazing. So, you know. Imagine you lost it because you had to talk to Nick. I know. Imagine. Yeah, I'm like, and what's funny is I was kind of so, so on the audition. And you always look for obviously, like, no podcast is important as a big audition.

But Nick was like, I'll do the audition. Yeah, yeah. But I was like, fuck, dude, do I, I, I was looking for an excuse not to do it, but I did it. And who gave Stavros his first acting role. That's right. You played doctor. That's right. I did play Dr. Popolopalopolis.

Yeah, speaking of. Great Portrayals of the Greeks in the media. Fucking Mateo book who needed to play Dr. Gyro Jiro fucking gyrofropidopolis. Yeah. I put you with my Mexican aunt. Yeah. My Mexican aunt, Cindy.

Me and your, one of my first scene partners was your aunt Cindy. Your Aunt Cindy. I played one time I played a fat John in a prostitute horror movie. Oh. Where I get killed. That was maybe my first ever. Okay. Where, yeah, the call girl of Cthulhu is what it was called.

I was in a movie that came out this year called Maintenance Required, an Amazon rom-com. I play faggot. That's what it said. For the first three drafts, that's what it was. Eventually they gave you a name. They were like, I don't know, Aaron. No, no name. No, no.

Yeah, I was in a rom-com. It was basically like, you've got mail, but with cars. You know, everyone was like 20s and high. hot and then I'm like like hello you know I was like Mr. Burns when he dressed up like Jimbo

yeah oh yeah how do we do fellow oh no that's yeah no on how do we do fellow kids is from 30 Rock where it's a Bouchamese the private eye

going back to the same concept same concept but they were really nice and making the movie was fun that's awesome you know I went to the premiere and Nick came with me and Nick was my date he was my red carpet date And it was so funny because everyone's like with their PR people and all important is just me and Nick. And then Nick can't help himself.

So the movie's happening. He's like, oh, Jesus Christ. Come on. What are we doing here? And everyone's like looking at me and Nick. He's shit talking the movie. Yeah. Yeah.

That's fun though. Did you like it? Do you like doing it? I liked doing it. It was a lot of fun. Yeah. You know, I just, there was no, I mean, it was like play gay. Yeah.

Okay. Like, yeah. I mean, I'm getting a lot of fat. Bumbag rules. I really have to dig. I have to... Who played Lincoln? What was his name?

Daniel Day Lewis. I was like, I was gay on set. Right. Right. I didn't want people to like... You stayed in character. What I loved that,

I don't know if you're like, I've only done one movie. No, I did play a movie. It was like a, whatever. I played a British, a futuristic British host like Ryan Seekrest and I got murdered by

a demon. That's awesome. That was great. But it was so funny because like on set, Like, I never been in a movie before, but we're comics. So, like, the other actors, like, if the director had to give them a note, like, they pull them aside. They have a conversation.

They kind of have a back and forth. And I was like, well, this seems like it takes a lot of time. So I just told the director, I was like, just yell at me what you want me to do. Just tell me what you want? They were like, yeah. I was like, I know. I know. That is the thing where it's like, I don't fucking have, I don't think I, I don't respect my acting abilities.

Tell me exactly what to do. I don't fucking care. Like, that's the thing it's like, for actors, they really take it really seriously. but for me I'm like, dude, I just don't want to look like a fucking idiot. Yeah. So if you could wear a green screen suit and move me and like move my arm, mouth up and that, like, if you control me to that level, great. I don't fucking care.

Just tell me exactly what you want. I'm not interested in art. You know, I might. If I really disagree, I might be like, really, but usually I'm just like, great, whatever you need, whatever you need balls. Right before the dick is in your mouth, you're like, can I? Yeah, I don't know. When did we do this rewrite?

Is there even a camera? I was just going to say, I'm going to the workshop for Chicago, the musical on Broadway. Oh, hell yeah. And they want me to play Billy Flint, so I have to memorize all the songs and I go in tomorrow to meet the people.

That's awesome. Yeah, they want me to do it. But I said, I'm touring so, like, I could do it in June. Like, I could do a three-week run. They're like, sure. That's awesome, dude. That's really fucking cool. Yeah, because it is fun.

I always forget how you can just fucking fully sing. Yeah. And you know, like, so that makes sense. would you want to do that? Would you want to do more? I mean, it's hard because stand-up, I don't know if you feel this way, but it's like all these other art forms that are better are so much harder and there's so much more like planning. Whereas like, ultimately with stand-up, it's like, you know.

It shows a week with Broadway. And I said it was like, I would love to do it. But you want to do it just to experience it, right? Well, I have to. It's almost like a super sane gay. Like I have to like fully. But I would love it because I would love to be singing back in vocal practice and do that. and be a part of something because standup is kind of lonely. Like you're just up there yourself chatting and...

Totally. That's what's cool about movies is that like, yeah, it's like there's a squad. Or, I mean, Tires are the best because it's like not only the people on screen, you know, they're all my friends, but it's also like we've had the same crew for three years now, so we're all friends. So I do love that shit. It does, it feels like you're working in and off. It's like the good parts of an office. Yeah.

But with like the job being going to a strip club or whatever. You know what I want to be if I act. I'm happy to understand. Like, I'm thrilled. Like, if I just do this, the rest of my life, I'm thrilled. But I want to do, like, a buddy of mine is going to do a project where, like, I don't want to say anything you give away yet. But basically, I'd play, like, a 62-year-old woman named Deb. You know, who smokes.

My name's Deb and I work at the Wawa. My daughter's name is Deb, too, and so is our dog. Like, that's what I want to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, because I'm too old to play the, well, I can't. I'm really limited in what I can play. I can play hairstylist. It is really funny how different.

is being a gay guy and being the prime of my life. Like this is being fat and bald. And I'm like, yes, it's my 40s. Here I come. Because all the roles for my body type are 40 plus. Yeah. No one wants like a fat, a fat bald ingenue. You know, everything is like diner owner, fucking weird, fucking, you know, creep, cop.

You know, like, I'd love to play, you know, like some kind of mobster. Are you kidding me? Oh, you'd be great. That would be so fun. Slick the hair back. All this shit is like these are all, it's all for me now. Like this is, I feel like this was, these are my long teenage years. I'm about to, being a fat, fat straight guy, 40s.

In my 40s, my job, like the, the acting roles I can do are pretty limited into like, best friend of white lady. Of course. You better, you better leave him. You're better than that. You might be the best friend of an Asian or a light skin black woman. No, I think I'm talking hallmark Christmas movies. Like, I'm pretty limited.

I'm just going to be, and it's not even necessarily the main character. It's like any woman, right, who's having an issue with a man that she just met, you know, I'm going to be, which on Hallmark is usually some dumb blonde lady who can't, you know, she's leaving her big executive job. You know, and then I'm going to be that guy. She's a brunette, the one with a big executive job. That's right, because blonde's, right. You know what I mean?

The blonde's like the one where if it's a guy leaving his high power job, he sees a, or actually maybe it's a high powered blonde. I don't know. Maybe it could be like gay. It's brunette more homey. I feel like Brunette can signify like back at home. Maybe it's Redhead to be safe. I think an Auburn.

An Auburn. Yeah. But I'm thrilled. I'm happy to play. I mean, Lindsay Loewan has been crushing the hallmark. Did she not look unbelievable? Listen, her surgeon. No, no.

She said in an interview that she's just resting. Oh. Is that what it is? Just resting. I mean, dude, it's literally, like, if this reveals, because didn't she marry like a Saudi prince or something? Someone with a lot of money. Something crazy.

We've been really into the idea of witchcraft on the show recently. Oh, I have much to talk about. To me, this reveals, this could possibly reveal that wherever she lives, Dubai, the UAE, whatever, they have sorcery. Because that what, and I'm a, you will not, there's no disrespect. I love Lindsay Lohan, you know, we were the same age. I was a 16-year-old boy when mean girls. Mean girls comes out. And I was a low-hand guy.

All the different, all the hot late girls in that movie, I'm a low-hand guy, right? I'm not disrespect her. Her face looks, it's a miracle. It's literally insane. Like, the, I just saw a picture where I was like, okay, how is she getting young? Like, is she going to get the substance? Like, is in two years, six? Like it all falls apart

Because it right now feels too good to be true I don't know what's going on It was a well Allegedly And I'm happy to see it A lower neck and face Full facelift dissolved fillers Okay

That transfer under the eye You know That guy was cooking man Look I met her mom Dina Lohan You met you met her She dressed like a manager of Claire's And this was at a logo

Red carpet event I used to do back in the day And allegedly was pulled out security for screaming and while she locked herself on the bathroom. That's allegedly. But it was amazing. And at one point I went my gay cousin Brian was there and I was like, hey, can we get a photo with you? She's like, why not? You know, she was great.

There's a picture of her kind of. And I love Dina because like she puts like AI like pictures of herself. Like just another human being. It's like Mary Chris was from Dina. Dude. Yeah. A lot of old Greek guys. We saw a friend's dad. Old Greek guys who were like vain. They have

started AIing themselves. Like what? Like just a sexier version of themselves. Like, it's really interesting because it's like, they will look as hot as they can, but not, but still you could identify it's them. Yeah.

But it's clear, it's kind of like they went through the Lindsay Lohan facelift, basically. I've seen old Greek men, I had a distant, like, relative who was like, he like hit up me and my brothers on Facebook. I was off Facebook at the time.

Uh, I didn't check it, but my brothers did. And this guy, before AI was face tuning himself. He worked for like, he was like, delivery guy, which, no disrespect,

blue-collar profession, uh, in Greece. And he was like, face-tune the fuck, just some old Greek guy, face-tuned the fuck up, smoothed himself out. And he started, at the time, I think my brother, when he was hitting him up was like 16 or 17. They were like

chat a little bit. He started sending him pornography. What? But like, again, not in a weird, like, molestation way. In like, an old Greek man. In like an old Greek man. Like an old Greek man. Like, isn't this fucking awesome? Dude. Look at this. ladies kids. You've discovered the world.

That was him trying to connect with his relatives. Like they literally, he asked like two questions about my dad. And then he was like, fucking check this out. It was just like so, like pretty cool, huh nephew? It's like, I don't even know you, man. I don't even know. We've never met in your shit.

And it's like, and not just softcore. No, I know it's rough. Like we're talking kind of crazy shit. It's hilarious. And that's, to him, that's like, keeping up with your family keeping up with the Kardashians. Yeah, yeah, that's that it was so fucking funny but yes, I do

think there is like an AI, people are AIing themselves. Yeah. A lot of people I think body like the like people are AI in their bodies now. This one guy that I was, I'm friends with like did it and I was like wow you I was like you really started working out and he wrote back as oh it's AI. I was like well that's kind of crazy. I used to way back

in the day before my hair transplants like try and pull down my hair line in some pictures and I look back now It looks like I... It looks insane. Yeah, it looks like, it looks ridiculous. I look like an old Greek guy who's trying to, like, dye his hair black. I look stupid.

So, oh, I forgot to tell you. So I get my hair cut. Plugs are looking great, by the way. Thank you. Holding up beautifully. Thank you. Thank you. Thuddy of hell.

So I get my hair cut. Now I can go back. I think we talked about this last time. I never had like a barber shop experience because I was always, you know, trying to cover my hair. Right. Now I just can get it cut. That's so funny. That's so funny that you were like two.

a shame to face a barber because he could track you going bald. You had to shift it time to time. They're going to be all loud about it. Like if I'm trying to whisper to these guys, like, you know, I'm kind of losing my hair. Like, don't worry, you lose your hair. It's okay.

Everyone lose their hair. You know, it's like, God damn it. Yeah, yeah. So I go to this place, and it's such a great mix of people because it's like really Dominican and then just like a sprinkled gaze. So like the energy in there is like really heavy Spanish. And then all of a sudden, like, You see what Ginger said on Drag Race?

Like just completely out of the... So, George, what's up? Cut my hair. So Nelson, the main guy. I forgot that I said something. Nelson's like the head barb where he's amazing. And I forgot that I had said something on your podcast about it. And then I walk in and get my haircut.

And they're running up to me. They're like, I can't believe. And look at this. Louie. And I was like, what do I say? And then I did my pressure because his name is Jaime, but he goes by Nelson and it makes no sense. And I love that. They were so thrilled.

They were so tickled. You and I talk about it. Shout out to them. Maybe I'll go for a trim. You should. There are amazing. Maybe I'll go for a trim. Elders, you need to go get that main tame down there.

What's your, what's your barbershop situation? Do you have a regular? I have a Ukrainian dude in my name, but I was like, he's fucking awesome. He's like tatted the fuck out. Tats all over his face and shit.

Hell yeah. I went there the day before my wedding. I'd never been there before. I never got my hair cut by him. He did a good job. He did a great job. That's a high risk. High reward.

I mean, it was so stupid. That's crazy to take a shot. I would have loved if you come in lined up. They give you the little fake, they give you the little fake outline. Yeah. He's like the only guy in all my time of New York that I'm just like so satisfied

like every fucking time. He just knows what to do with my beard. So you're good. You're good where you are. What's your, do you guys chat? Not really. When I went in that day,

I heard like other people around me talking. I didn't even say like, oh, my wedding's tomorrow. I was like, I just want this guy to do what he does. That's true. You don't want to. put that thought in his head. Because it's going to be even more extreme.

Because you want, you don't want him, because you're sweating. You're putting that negative energy, that anxious energy out there. You want him having calm, although he's tatted up, Ukrainian guy. He doesn't get a fucking about your wedding. He doesn't deal with you. He doesn't fucking care about your wedding. Two there or two here. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's awesome. I love him. But I'm always down because he's like a little pricey. It's worth it to me. I mean, you'd think Mattelgas is his hair cut somewhere cheap? Are you out of your fucking? fucking mind.

Mateo got hair plugs and had a buzz cut. He probably paid some guy to fucking do it piece by piece with scissors. He did. Nelson did. Nelson did. You got a bus cut with scissors? Yes. That is insanely gay.

You understand that, right? Yes, and he's not even gay. Let me just say this. Because I've always wanted a buzz cut. I'm jealous. I want to walk out and not think about my hair. After years of struggling with my hair, I don't want to think about it. And what's funny is when I first got my buzz cut,

Because, you know, I'm also Mexican. When I got my buzz cut, like, no one's ever said to me, oh, you look Mexican, you look like that. Nothing, right? I'm only, my grandpa's from Mexico. So all of a sudden I get a message from Jay Jordan. I showed by, I put it my buzz cut and just a simple text from Jay Jordan said, I see it now. That's hilarious. I was like, Jay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, they did. They cut it by scissors. What's the point? Well, they get a fucking buzz cut. I know. Well, I did. Now, now, I'm going to go today.

I'm going to get like a fade and do like a five buzz on top, you know. Okay. Not going too short. Yeah. Sure. I don't have good hair. Like, when I tried growing it out, I was trying to do this sort of, like, thing,

but my hair's unruly and fine and curly. It's bad. So I'm just, I'm like, just, you keep it tight. It looks good. It looks good. Thank you. And they, oh, I've been telling you, they gave me a beard.

Okay. Not the barbershop. My hair transplant. So I'm like, if you want to connect your beard, you can do that. Wow. You got, you got beard. I didn't have any of this.

Really? They put it all in. That can connect it. Can I tell you something? I would, there is a high possibility. I would get. beard plugs and not hair plugs because to me

I want a beard I don't really want hair I kind of like what I got works for it like you have an ice shaped head honestly if I had a beard that would be huge why don't you go to my guy he'll take care of you I might dude it's only a four day recovery

it's not like the other one beard plugs dude that would be fucking awesome we need to see a big ass beard on you dude I would look awesome with a big ass beard that is a missing piece you would truly just look like your dad honestly because didn't he have a big ass beard when we were kids. But see, here's the thing.

My dad, that was a good look. No, I know. It was, but I'm not saying it bad, but I don't know. Yeah, I'd like to see that beer. You're fucking sweating. I might be on your corner, dude. No. This is that you don't want me to get the 260.

You know what? I'll never get there. Even if you get a beard, I just know you're like so sloppy. You'll never like keep it. What is this? I'm sorry. You're fucking. You just went to finishing school elders?

Who the fuck are you calling sloppy, you piece of shit? I'm just saying, I don't think you're like upkeep a beard. It's a lot of work. It takes a lot of years to find out how to do it. Oh, I don't have the discipline you do. That's what I'm fucking hearing. You shut the fuck up. Your point, a good point would be beard plugs aren't going to come in that thick.

It's like that's your actual argument. I don't know. I don't know. Mateo's shit. It's looking nice. But I think it's like you look good stubble-wise. How does it grow out? It doesn't grow out great because this grows in a different.

direction, then that grows, and then I don't know what to do with it. You know, I'm dyeing it now, and like, because it's like half gray. And so when I die it, then I have a jawline. So I'm dying it now. I've turned into an old Greek man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like AIing myself in life. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The beard dye is fucking hilarious. But it's easy. I do the chest remind you do it because I was so tired of like, you know. Yeah. But it doesn't look too crazy. No, it looks great. I had no idea. I had no idea.

I think the gray's good, a cool look. Yeah, but it makes your face go away. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, I want to have a jawline. I see, I see. Well, either way, I would seriously consider beard plugs. Why don't you just do it? That would be awesome.

You could get a full beard, get it connected. And the hair transplants, it's so like you have to sleep this way, then 10 days and wash your hair. Like, beard, it's done. Four days. You're done. That's it. That's another point.

I don't think I could do the upkeep of the hair transplant. It's 10. It's nine days out of your life. For hair forever. I couldn't do that. I don't want it. By the way, I don't want it. I think it's stronger to be bald in today's day and age.

I think it shows a real fortitude to stick with what the Lord has given me. Now, with my hip-in-away. Yeah, taken away from me. Now my hypocrite because I would get beard plugs, yes, probably. But fat bald guy with a beard is a great look. The Santa Claus look? Yeah. Classic Santa look?

Come on, dude. Big-ass beard. Disappeared to the mountains. Come out with a beard. That would be fucking sick. I might do that. You should do it. I might do.

You have all these ideas about cosmetic changes. You want to do yourself to look dumber and dumber. You're just going to come around and look good one day from like them all accumulating. You're going to be like blonde with a full beard. Yeah, one day, dude. One day we'll get there. I tried dye my hair blonde. I got a buzz cut last year and died it blonde before I went to Thailand.

But it was too short. And so I just looked extra bald. Oh, really? Like you couldn't see it at all. I looked so stupid. but everyone at the cellar was like, you look an idiot. I was like, yeah. That's also a little on the nose.

Yeah. You know what I mean? The gay, blonde buzzcut, especially before Thailand. Were you going through something? Were you mourning something? I actually wasn't. I had a great time. I was feeling wonderful about myself.

I see, I see. I was like, I'm going to take a vacation and just do something different. Did you like it? Do you like Thailand? Oh, I loved it. I saw, we went to Thailand and Cambodia. And I saw in Cambodia, I saw, we went to these temples. And I saw a mom and her eight-year-old son, he was carrying candy.

And a monkey ran up. The monkey grabbed the candy. The kid kicked the monkey. The mom slapped the kid. I was like, they're all wrong. Yeah, it was good. Bangkok was amazing. I loved our tour guide because he just was sort of like over it.

You know what I mean? Like he rushed us through everyone to this temple and we're supposed to like fold these flowers. He's like, just come on, just go, go, go. I'm like, oh, you know. We went to Shanghai. And it was fun. I had a really good time. Yeah.

Yeah. Have you been? I've never been. Is it like beachy? Not Bangkok, but crabby is. Okay. It's like all beach. It kind of looks like Avatar last airbender with like mountains coming out of the ocean.

Very Jurassic Parky. I love that. Avatar meaning. Yeah, yeah. We get a fucking some kind of crab noodle in the mix. I'm thinking of the cuisines. The cuisine was amazing. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, it was awesome. And you're doing, you're doing a non-sexual massage in Thailand. Yeah, it was all. non-sexual. Okay, good. Isn't that crazy? Yeah.

I'm the one. I'm the one gay. And I had the blonde hair. I was ready to... Right, right, right. Well, I wonder if it's a gay sex tourism destination. It's a cis male going through something tourism place. Exactly.

When a straight dude says he's going to... That's the other thing. I want to go. Right. But if someone hears, I'm going to Thailand... It's over. They assume it's pure sex tourism. Yeah.

And again... I'm going to do a little sex tourism. Because I'm there, right? Like if you go to Paris, you're going to see the Eiffel Tower. It's not going to be the same. It's the same. What would you do, though? So what's like sex tourism for you?

I don't know, get a massage and get jerked off. You know what I mean? You can do that. Here in New York. Yeah, but I want to be on vacation. Right, right, right. I want to a nice place. By the beach.

I want to jack you off on the beach. They're not going to be like, happy ending? I don't know. wind through your hair. That sounds nice. If you're going to do it, do it all the way, you know? There's got to be high-end jack you off on the beach. It's called Dubai. Yeah, that's true.

That is true. All right, all right. I take it. Well, you know, I just want to get a feel for the local flavor. That's all I'm saying. Right. Is there a gay Thailand? Is there like a...

Let me just... Just any major city with Grindr? Thailand is gay. Oh, I see. That's it. I mean, like, a sex tourism destination for the gay population. I think so. I mean, gay is sort of find themselves.

everywhere. There was like one gay street but it was 7 p.m. And when we went, it wasn't like nothing was happening, but we just wanted to see what the drag shows were like and stuff. But they kind of run up at you to get you to come to their bar like screaming at you. And I was like this is a lot. So I just

ran away and then sang karaoke. I sang Andreable Shelley instead in a small room by myself. I had to take the pipes out. So what did you ever this role in Chicago Who's the who's the Billy Flint the lawyer Oh okay nice hell yeah

I watch a girlfriend maybe watch Chicago One it's pretty good It okay It is good Do you just not like musicals? I mean I get it It's hard sometimes it's hard to connect to Because the music part You know what sometimes if I hear a musical

Song out of context It'll get I'll be like oh I get why this It's like it's good until you find out it's for Jesus And I'm like, oh, this is fucking good. And so that's how kind of I feel about musicals where it's like, they do, they do grad. It's a lot of catchy songs, but the idea of fucking watching eight of them in a row in the middle of a play

gets, you know, I would go. I think it's kind of stupid. Before I heard my back, I had all these like goals for the year. Okay. I was like, I'm going to take in culture every week. I will go to a museum or a Broadway play. And I was like, go to a Broadway show together. I know.

That's what I'm saying. I got to start doing shit like this. But fucking my backup, it was like, it kind of fucked everything for me. It just sent me back a little bit. But when I'm out of it, I do want to just like, because that's the thing. You would love death becomes her. It's a genuinely funny, great. I've seen a movie.

Yeah. And they made it a musical. And it's legitimately like straight people. Everyone loves that musical. No, no, I should get it. Because I do think there's a little, not liking musicals. It was a little like, I'm a fuck. I'm fucking, I'm a jock.

You know what I mean? Like, I had that period of my life where I had to, I pretend that I wasn't as artistic as I was. Because I just was, you know, succumb. I mean, I've told the story before, but I lost the role of you're a good man. I lost Charlie Brown and you're a good man, Charlie Brown. And that set me down a path of hating the arts. Where I was like, this is sixth grade. Well, look.

See? This was sixth grade. It's a deep wound. And I think there was a moment where I was like, I don't need that shit, dude. I'm fucking. I'm fucking cool as shit. I play football now. Cool.

And so I think there is like me come. I think I just need to admit like, no, I'll fucking. I like a musical, you know? I might start with musical movies. I want to watch all the Fawsey ones. I want to, you know, like I want to. I'll tell you about that. I'm farce.

Yeah, yeah. I want to watch all that jazz. I want to watch. Yeah, I'm just interested in those movies. And I think that's a good into. I saw cats. I didn't mean to. I saw it.

Those is years ago. they actually message me when I used to have Twitter. Cats, like the Blue Check Cats, message me on Twitter. And they were like, come see a perfect show. Like, it was so cheesy. And I was like, did you mean to write me? They're like, yeah, it's like gay night at cats. And I was like, every night's getting at cats.

Hey. So I go see cats and I never seen it before. And, you know, like, it's the same job. Like, it literally is just about, like, there's no dogs. Nothing. It's just cats. Just cats. There's any more.

A mish and catch? They have dinner? I think, no, it's just cats. Oh, they never catch a mouse? Wow. There's not even a dog anywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there was one scene they come through the aisle, which is all I hate when they come

through the aisle, just stay on the stage. And I swear to God, Saueros, this guy comes up to me, you could just see his dreams dying in his eyes. He comes up to me, and he's, the lights on him, he's staring at me, and he's just dancing like this. Yeah, yeah. And my face, trying to pretend like I wasn't embarrassed when it was this. I was like.

Oh, nice, buddy. But I will say I got emotional during memory because it is a great song. That's a great song. Yeah, that's a great example of song I've heard out of context. I've been like, nice, what the fuck is this about? And you see a video of some fucking lady dressed as a cat? You're like, the fuck is about a cat? I will see there's this wave now of like young Broadway singers where everything is kind of

nasally. I think it kind of happened with, um, I don't know if it's from Wicked, like, NASA, I've got something else. A generation raised on glee, perhaps. Glee, that's kind of like, and I want, like, let's go back to like base baritone voices. Okay. Yes, I agree. Struggling to get you connected.

This is what straight guys are talking about football. I don't know that I would start. I don't know that I would start with the different registers of singing. But you know what I think what's happening is straight guys hear that and they don't know how to connect with it. So they're like, what is that? We want a deeper, more sultry voice. Yeah, you want more. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Okay, interesting. So you think, so you don't think, you think the feminization of singing is bad for straight guys. It's not the feminization. It's the nasalization. It's just sort of up here. Okay.

I've got something to get faster. You know, you're like, interesting. Interesting. Did you see Wicked one or two? You didn't see it. No. Right. Not interested.

Yeah. Didn't look, you know what? I saw some of one. Okay. It was on. It was my friend, Christina's. I was hanging out. It was the holidays.

And it's insane. It's, the movie's fucking crazy. There's like talking goats and shit. It's like, Dr. Dilliman. Why the fuck do the animals talk? And then the whole, the plot is they're stealing the animal's ability to talk.

The fuck does that have to do with Wizard of Oz? Well, right. It's all kind of, it's insane bullshit. I can't defend it. And again, it's like, those, there are songs.

And I thought there were great performances, both. Ariana Grande and Cynthia Revo were fucking awesome. And there were songs that I was like, this is good. But it just, I was just like, what the fuck is this? Why are they like following a fucking, why is there just the goat doing secret animal meetings and shit like that? The other animals are losing the ability to talk. It didn't make any fucking sense.

I was like, something bad is happening in a lot. Like they're racist against animals. Like they're Nazis against animals. Yeah, it's like fascism, but like, but go. Yeah, and I don't get, and then she's green. Why is she green? She's green because. Spoiler, her dad is the Wizard of Oz and was cheating.

The mom was cheating on the dad, and he drank this green drink when she drank it that made her green, but because she's mixed with human and wizardry, she was even more magical or some bullshit. Who is she drank green? The mom drank the green drink that the dad. So the mom's not green either. No, no one's green. The wizard didn't fuck a green bitch and make another. The wizard? No. No. So no one's green but the witch.

Even her sister's not green. Nessa. Yeah. Her sister is just in a wheelchair. Was that because of the green drink? Her sister's in a wheelchair. It was a green drink. The dad was afraid that she was going to also be green. So he made her eat a bunch of like white flowers or something. And then they took two legs away. So then her legs don't work. So now she's in a wheelchair. So that's also Elfah's fault. Is Nessa, the dad's biological daughter? Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Okay. so that she's only cheating with the wizard for their first child.

That's right. Interesting. And the green, he dosed his wife with the green. I love watching you try. It does sound stupid as I say it out loud. No, he drinks this green vial. The dad. The dad, like some kind of green drink.

But he didn't. But it's the wizard's kid, right? Yeah, because in the beginning, there's the mayor of Munchkin land. So his wife turns green from his jizz after drinking the green drink. and it sticks when the wizard's jizz fucks her. I don't even understand. Who the fuck does she become green? You're right.

Okay. I got it. I got it. Okay, okay. There's the mayor of Munchkin land. Okay, so we have... Something about you sitting Munchkin land. We have the mayor of Munchkin land and his wife, right?

And then he goes out one night and then she brings in this guy that she's having an affair with, right? And this guy she's having an affair with is drinking out of this green drink. And so gives it to her... her, that's like their thing. And then, you know, so they're having an affair and then she gets pregnant. And so when she's having a... And the green drink turns your children green. I guess it turned the... Nobody else drinks his fucking drink? I just... Just the wizard. Because he's, he's human and he came into this world. And so maybe that that doesn't... that drink doesn't mix with the munchkin people. I don't know. So her mom's a

munchkin. No, well, so Elfabla is half Munchkin and half Wizard of Oz? I don't think she is Munchkin. I just know he was the mayor of Munchkin land. Oh. Because then the mayor of Munchkin married a non-Munchkin. Yeah, but I don't know if he was... The mayor of Munchkins is not a Munchkin? I don't know. He seemed tall in the play.

So what is this? Some kind of like fucking, this is like a... Fuck, what's the word of... Apartheid society? Where the Munchkins are ruled by non-Munchkins? Is Munchkin land Palestine? Is the mayor of Munchkin land Netanyahu? Is that what you're saying?

And Jeff Goldblum cucked him? I can't believe they explain it so well in the first two and a half minutes of the Broadway musical And as I'm struggling to explain it You're like hold on a second Who's green? What's the drink? Okay I didn't put it all together

That's my point is that this fucking shit sucked and it made no fucking sense Even though it had very talented people in it I was like who gives a fuck about this? I mean you know it's you have to suspend a lot of belief Sure But it's all related to the Wizard of Oz But also it's such a clunky bullshit connection to the Wizard of Oz Well, it's basically like they wrote a completely different play about something that has nothing to do with the Wizard of Oz.

And then someone was like, hey, can you just make this about the Wizard of Oz afterwards? And they changed everyone and like, ah, this fucking gay guy's the Tin Man. You know what I mean? The line was the time. Actually, if you look back, the 10 man, the tin man was gay too. Well, the first tin man went to the hospital because the makeup they were using on him. Yeah. So then they got another, oh, I've always wanted a hot.

Oh, wait, the guy doesn't even get to be in the... No, it's out. Some guy got his best as poisoning and he didn't even get to be in the movie. That's hilarious. Are you, do you, is, yeah, I guess, I guess does your love of Liza Minnelli kind of retroactively make you a specialist on her mother as well on Judy Garland? Yeah. Kind of, just through like ridiculous stories that she's talked about her mother. Yeah.

She was so funny. Yeah. We have to make taffing. You can watch Lai. Liza fool herself. Like she literally seven times she was like, she's like, and she had to go to see a therapist. And so we'd be driving.

And she was an entertainer. And she'd say, what story can I make up today? Yeah, yeah. And that's, she made it funny. I was like, I think your mom just taught you how to lie. I think your mom was a sociopath and was teaching you how to trick the therapist to not find out how, like, how sad your life is.

Because I mean, she, because her mom, ultimate, like, studio, you know, like, She's been in show business forever. And then who was her dad? Her dad was a gay guy that they had to move from town to town because he kept bothering young boys. Oh, a little Catholic priest situation. So she went, she was on vaudeville and she was two.

Her and the gum sisters. So I'm sorry, she's the, wow, she's the ultimate Hollywood product. That's the wizard. She's the wizard. She's the ultimate Hollywood product. Her mom is Judy gone and her dad is flamb, I'm assuming. Wait, this is Judy I'm talking about. You're talking about.

You're talking about Liza? Oh, Judy's dad was a gay guy. Judy's dad, and so was Liza's. Because Vincent Monelli, who was the MGM director, married Judy Garland. He was also gay. Allegedly, they broke up because... She's second-generation show business with gay dad?

Yeah. I mean, that's... It's... That makes you feel like symbolism really does matter. Yeah, she's the ultimate tag. I mean, that's fucking crazy, dude. Lison Monelli's two generations of gay dad and a gay grandfather. Look, we get around.

We get around. That's crazy, dude. And she married two gay men. She's fucking Luke Skywalker, dude. She's, yeah. No, no, she's Anakin. She's the chosen one. She's the show, she's the musical's chosen one, dude.

That's fucking incredible. Yoda's like, don't train her. Yeah. No, but her, she also married two gay men. Awesome. And, you know, Judy Garland also married a bunch of gay men. But no, her kids didn't. No, she never had kids.

Liza never had any kids. No, no. She knew it would have been too powerful. I think she said once on the Rosaliel Donald, this is how faggy I am. I love this. The Rosal Donald radio show that she had had a miscarriage, I believe,

years ago. That's sad, yeah. It was, she had just become too potent. Like, the talent that would have come out of her womb would have been too radioactive. Do you think I'm like, I could, I look like Liza.

I could have been her son. Yeah. I would have liked her as a mom. Oh, that would have been interesting if she had a son. It would have been. What if she had a straight son? I'm just saying that would be crazy

Too much genetics. I know, I know. It would be... But imagine the ultimate like fish out of water is like a straight job. Liza Melli gives birth to a straight jug. My mom's fucking Liza Minnelli. But I fuck pussy, man.

It's fucking crazy. Bitch didn't even want me on the fucking football team. I don't want that gay shit around me. Fuck this shit. No tap shoes for me, fucking whore. The fuck out of here.

That's what I'm saying. Yeah, happy Mother's Day. Mom fucking. bag. My mom's Liza Minnelli, but I fuck pussy. It's one of the best fucking is one of the funniest phrases uttered on this podcast.

It's my next book. My mom's Liza Minnelly, but I fuck pussy. Yeah, let's talk. Fuck it. I'm Liza's son. So she married two gay guys, huh? Peter Allen. And it was David Guest.

And Michael Jackson was the flower girl. That's fucking. nuts, dude. Wow, they really don't make them like that anymore. No, that kind of talent doesn't exist anymore. No. People don't appreciate that. And the drama attached to it, you know? Yeah, I mean, you have to, unfortunately, I mean, you're training since you're a fucking baby.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's basically like, like, what they say, like, what they say, like, about the Soviet, like, gymnastics team or, like, you know, how, like, China got all the, how they drilled that, like, opening ceremony, the Beijing. They, like, had people over and over practicing. You basically have to do that to a child. And the crazy thing is it's so clear that it works. Like, you strip them of their humanity. Right. You don't get to be a regular person.

That's right. And you create this, like, talent. This show tunes weapon. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, Michael Jackson's the same exact thing, right? Absolutely. And it is fucked up that that just does work. But it's just fucked up to do to a job.

But then when it doesn't work, it's even sadder. Because, like, they lost their childhood and they have no talent. Oh, that's a brutal one. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, absolutely. But no, it worked with Liza. Well, she had good genetics. She had two very talented parents.

So I would imagine. Well, her sister, Lorna, her younger sister, who was in Greece 2. Who did she play in Greece too? One of the pink ladies. I saw her. I went to go see her with Val at Studio 54 Below. And she does this thing where it's still like the garlet. It's the garlet move, right?

She's like in a jumpsuit. I'm sure this is so interesting to your listeners. No, no, this is. They've all tuned out. But she does this thing where like this younger girl was singing and as she was singing, Lauren went, and I was like, what is that?

I know what you mean. That is a classic move. We should sit down and watch Wicked together. I think that you would, I would think you would be, I could get you on its side. The second one wasn't so. Yeah,

I'm not interested in the second one. But Ariana Grande was really good and Cynthia Reeva's amazing. Yeah, yeah. No, Ariana Grande, yeah, they're both really talented. And I like that she fucks that SpongeBob guy.

Oh, I think that's fun. Every day. That meme going around of him singing on Good Morning America. Did you ever see that? Yeah, yeah. And he's like, yeah, yeah. Why aren't women allowed to kind of be scumbags?

You know what I mean? What do you mean? Ariana Grande. You know, on set romances, dating your co-worker, getting a little messy. Let's break the glass ceiling with, you know, I think that's fun. And she's very talented and looks like, you know. I think because she looks so incredible and when the nails and the makeup and the hair, it's like when you look like that, I think, and you have that much talent,

I think it doesn't matter who you, what the drama is. That's big respect because it's like her range is crazy. Her vocal range? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Her vocal range too. But I just mean like that is someone who like, it's interesting when like a beautiful woman will date like traditionally hot as hell people. And also like she's attracted to like a musical.

That should give little, like, musical theater. On one hand, it's cool for Ariana. On the other hand, it does piss me off that a musical theater straight guy was rewarded. Well, he was the only one. I know. It does annoy me. I guess you dedicate your life to being the only straight guy in a room.

I mean, he really, he's actually the, he's the chosen one for straight musical theater guys. Because that's the whole goal. You get into it hoping the cards fall just right for you. And you get to fuck someone as talented. and hot as Aaron. That's what every straight theater nerd, that's why you play the game

and you kind of have to tip your hat to he won the ultimate prize. Yeah, but are they still together? Doesn't matter. Yeah. Doesn't matter. I mean, it's a check. His family and life is ruined, but he got check. Sometimes it's worth it.

I mean, let's be honest, there are certain people, unfortunately, sometimes it is worth. Yeah, his life is ruined. He was probably going to ruin it at some point anyway. Well, he was probably going to be away doing fucking a Broadway touring Broadway show and cheated with somebody that's not Ariana Grande. I don't think you cheat on Ariana Grande. I think once you're with Ariana.

No, no, I mean, if if your Ariana Grande doesn't show up, gotcha. He eventually probably cheats on his wife, but it's not with Ariana Grande. God. You know what I'm just saying? You've got this guy mapped up. I don't know. I don't know his name.

What's his name? He's talented. He's a good. He's talented. But yeah, yeah. But I'm just saying it's like, come on. But there was something about Wicked where it was a little Greek. where it was like everyone's like mid-30 and then they're like high school I'm like

like it was a bit Rizzo in Greece where you're like she's like I'm pregnant I'm like you got one egg left dude I know it's so funny because we watched that is actually that was that played in my house a lot that was the one musical that is a musical when you watch it it's not it's bad none of it none of it's good but it works somehow it somehow works when it goes together like it's a bunch of like ginsos it's supposed to be the east coast Italians but they're Lesco's... That guy... Was 52.

Rizzo is one thing. Right. That fat little fat guy with the curly hair... Yes. He's... It's crazy. He's 52.

It's insane. But as a kid, none of that, like, registered to me. And then I watched it... I don't know. I didn't watch the whole thing, but I just like,

it was on TV or something. And it's like, they are so old. It's crazy. Like, I still... Like, I'm... Like, they're my age. Yeah.

I'm 37 years old. There's me with... Like look up that guy. Look up the grease cast, Eldis. Well, fucking... Soccer Channing. John Travolta. Stop personal texting.

Motherfucker. Tell us how fucking old that fucking guy was. Wait, which guy? Which character? Just fucking figure it out, man. The fucking guy on... And this is a message for Hassan. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Go ahead. Well, this is vamping.

When are we hanging out? You don't want that guy. He's a piece of shit. No, I'm not saying. I don't want it like that. I'm just saying it's like, how is someone that he's like on every meme now where it's like gays before and after breakup and he's got shaggy hair

and then all of a sudden he's clean cut. Yeah, yeah. He did. He actually did do like a very annoying glam. Yeah, glammed himself up, worked out. Yeah. He claimed he was, he used to say he was fat, pissed me off. And he just kind of

you know, started, he got less, slightly less fat. Anyway, fuck Hassan. He's a piece of shit. I'm a fan. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have Mateo on, Hassan. I don't think he would be like... I can't wait until Israel takes turkey. Fuck you.

You're next. Oh, my God. Stop, bro. I just want to tell me he's got great cheekbones. We didn't need to go there. Mar-on. Those are not the views of Mateo Lane. Or the Stavvy's World podcast, by the way.

Those views are they? Those views are just kind of that's a joke. And you know what else? You're not going to find that, you fucking idiot. Why don't we just do some... I don't know. Which one? Some fat guy.

He was the shorter guy. The short fat guy? No, Miss. Yes. He kept saying that in the beginning. Miss shy guy. Are you on Super Mario 2? Yeah. Is he Bowser?

Is it Berto? Now, Berto, is she, is that where her pussy is in her nose? Someone brought up the other day that Berto's face is an uncircumcised dick. And I never thought about it that way. Well, Berto was originally like, I don't know what Berto was supposed to be. And then Berto was like kind of girl Yoshi after a while. Like they kind of rebranded her as girl Yot Larson as a girl Yoshi. Right. Well, she was from Super Mario 2.

Yes, which was another game. skin of a different Japanese game. So I'd like to know more about Berto, you know, what's going on with Berto. Whatever. We're not going to figure out Berto, Hassan, have Mateo on the stream. Why don't we take some calls, Eldis, because you didn't figure out what the, I'll figure this out. I'll look it up right now. Hi, Stav.

Hi, I guess. As a trans woman, I have had the surgery, and I am very happy with how things turned out. Things are very fun. Everything's cool. Nice. But I am calling with a very specific question, which is, how do I identify men with small penises? Here's why. Things, like I said, very good down there.

I'm having really fun sex. The surgery itself was years ago. She's looking for a little kind of. Well, everything's working as a shirt. Except for the fact that things are, like, quite tight down there. Which is fun. And you hear that guys like that. Also, if a dick is like even a little bit bigger than average, honestly, even at average, I'm like, if I really want to get pounded, it's going to hurt.

Like, that's not going to feel. Wow, that's beautiful. Anything about that, I'm like, no, thank you. And I keep running into these problems where I'm in a relationship with a woman and she likes me to fuck other people. It's very fun. Nice. But I will, like, go out with a guy, and I'm mostly just hooking up with these men. It's mostly, like, one-night stands because I have my girlfriend back home.

And, like, that's good for me. And I just keep bringing guys home with these fucking hammers. And then, like, most of the time that that has been happening, like, like, you know, we'll do other stuff. I'll stop. I'll get fingered out. We're having a fun time. She's like, I don't know what my problem is. I live in South Beach.

Everyone's got huge dicks. Specifically by a guy with a smaller dick. And I don't know how to... That's beautiful. Is it just a numbers game? Like, do I just keep, like, hooking up with people until I find someone with an adequately small dick? But how is she finding guys hook up with? Maybe she just needs to advertise it.

Here. Thank you so much. And I hope you have a great day. Okay. I think she's got it, like, kind of, like, back... You know, you were like, that guy will teach you a guitar. We see the ads all around the city. You know.

Looking for the small dick. Yeah. She's got to like, she's got to say it. Listen, I'm looking for a small dig. This is not a joke. Yeah. I'm looking for a small dick. Yeah.

You know, and guys, guys will show up. They really will. They'll show up. They'll be wary. They'll think they're about to get drugged and their kidneys stolen from them. But that's what they will. They still show up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she's already got a girlfriend. So it's like, yeah. There's no harm. I think maybe. First of all, I want to say this. This is actually possibly a huge PR win for the trans community. If we get it out there, that we, if your dick is little, we're scientifically engineering a new type of woman,

specifically for the little dicked. If we flip it that way, and that's not what's going on, but this is advertising, baby. I'm Don Draper right now. And so the little dicked, like, trans misogynist on the internet, they might see like, hey, wait a second. Hey, there's a pussy small enough for my little fucked up dick. And we might win a lot of these guys over.

So this is good. So that's interesting. That's number one. But I think, yeah, if it's you, our friend here who just called, she's talking about it's a hookup situation. Why don't you go to explicitly hookup apps and say, I'm looking for, I mean, whether it's field, I don't know where you're like, you Tinder, grinder, wherever you feel. You would say in your name probably.

she should say looking for whatever, five and under. Five and under. She said average. Didn't she say like average as well? She said even average dicks hurt her. Wow. Yeah. So maybe she's got to go.

And also leave South Beach. Is she in South Beach? I'm just made that up. I mean, I just imagine you're in South Beach, Florida. And she's like, why am I finding all these giant dicks? It's like, well, girl. You got to go. You know.

Yeah. I don't know. I don't know where the land of small dicks are, but, you know, she's probably just got to, I think she's got to advertise. I think you advertise. I think you advertise. Yeah, what, how are you finding this? Or what is it about you that's attracting all these huge hogs?

That's another question. You know, where are you looking? Are you, where are you looking, you know, for the, you know, hey, can you go somewhere? What's a, where's a, is height an issue? You know, obviously it doesn't directly correlate, but have you been dating taller guys? Maybe you want a smaller guy.

I just can't understand why they're so big. The last guy was six, nine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, she's funny. Are you recruiting? Yeah, are you going to basketball, you know, know, like pick up basketball games. Don't go there anymore.

Try soccer. You know what I mean? Even better paddle ball. Do you think soccer guys have smaller dicks? Well, they're just smaller guys. Right. I feel like it's, but that smaller guys can have like,

it's possible. It's like a, really. Yeah, yeah. Have you encountered like a little guy with a huge dick? I have. Interesting. Yeah. And it's always shocking.

Yeah. Are they, do they have the, does it cancel out? Like a Margaret Chojo because she was like, it looks like a kickstand. Yeah. Yeah. But my, my wonder is there's, the big dick confidence cancel out the Napoleonic?

Or does that, does having a big dick and being short only fuel Napoleon? It fuels Napoleon. I mean, it fuels the sort of like, why am I being mistreated by society? My dick is huge. Yeah, because it's the energy of wanting to show you the dick. Right. Do you see what I'm saying?

It's like the anxious, like before you go on stage, you're anxious. You're not nervous. You're anxious. Like, just get me out there. Yeah, that's a good point because it's like, he's like, fuck. No, I'm 5'4. No, not enough, no women. you're going to know my dick is huge.

That's tough. It's like a great product with like a bad Bach packaging type of situation. We went right back to Wicked. So yeah, I don't know. I say these are hookups anyway. You know, explicit, if it's on apps,

explicitly say it straight up. Start there. And yeah, legitimately, where are you finding these guys? You know, little. Well, she'll probably get inundated with guys with huge dicks and be like, you can't, you don't like this.

You know, you can't. accept this. Right. And then she's just got to start blocking everybody. Yeah. Yeah. Which is good. I like,

I like, not everything's for the big dick community, you know? Thank you, sister. You're doing a, you're doing a service to the little dick community.

And once you get the word out there, that's going to really start helping things, I think, for everybody. So, I'm forgetting we've seen each other naked. We have. Multiple times.

Yeah, yeah. We certainly have. All right. Well, I think that's good. I think we solved a problem. Next question, Elders? Hello, Stabby. Hello, eldest. Hello. Wonderful, beautiful, bisexual, bisexual, guess. You've no one. You're wrong. You're wrong on everything.

So, I was in a relationship for seven years with a woman that I have a child with. The child's now five. And for the last eight months of our relationship, if she had an affair. Older guy. Oh. And I knew about it the entire time. Oh. She gas-lit me.

She has a job where she, you know, travels to people's houses and takes care of them. So she's... She takes care of... She's a nurse? Out all day. Older guy? I just wouldn't come home.

Holy fuck. I finally caught her, like, red-handed, talking on the phone to the guy. I'd break up with her. Even pitifully, you know, beggar to just stop seeing him, so we can fix our family. And I know.

You guys are going to call me a bitch. That's fine. No, I'm not. What? That's a reasonable thing to ask. I don't know. Dude, no, I'm not. First of all, stop.

Bussy. I'm broken at the mother of your children. The love of my life and the woman I thought was the love of my life and mother of my children betrayed me. And all I wanted was to take a minute and work on our relationship. I know I'm a bitch for that. What are you talking about, dude? What's wrong with straight people?

It's okay. And even if. if I ultimately, I don't know if like trying to get back with someone is ultimately the right choice. Well, that was a pussy for saying, don't call me a pussy. But I'm just saying it's like, you know, you were totally valid. You're going through a horrible thing. It's okay to have very intense feelings about it that make you act out in multiple ways. So don't worry about it, dude.

That's number one. Go ahead, I'll just keep going. I don't know. Last night I got the, I miss you so much. And I've blocked him on everything. No, dude. Like, I really... No.

Now... Enjoy having my family. I've already got two kids with someone else. No, we get a little bit out. Two with someone else. Interesting. I don't know. I'm just kind of at the crossroads of, like...

Because I still haven't healed from all that. Of course. Of course. And I just... I don't know what to do. I mean, they've both said things to me that I don't know that I can ever... forget.

Both. The guy? He said he called him and they called him red-handed. Her wife was, I was fucking her pussy boy. Well, she was

changing my diaper. I learned this in the World War II. I put my dentures in your wife's pussy. She loved it. I was talking to her about the beaches of Normandy.

That wasn't the only thing I stormed. Her Pussy was as wet as that beach. I crushed your wife's pussy like I crushed Nazi skulls. I drafted your wife's pussy. Okay, all right. We had a little fun.

We're back. We're back. See, we were going to call you a bitch. We were just going to have a little fun with the situation. Here you're up. Take on this. I know you're just going to say it and give enough context and nor I went too long.

I'm sorry. No, dude. Okay, okay. Actually, you got us a good bit. Love you, buddy. Bye. Actually, how self-conscious you are about leaving a voicemail

is instructive about what's going on here. Maybe. I'm not going to call you a bitch, but maybe you worrying about it is the kind of thing where this has been a issue for you in your life. Maybe you are kind of, maybe you defer a little bit. Maybe you aren't the kind of person who puts his, you know, wants and needs and feelings out there first and foremost.

And I'm no bitch. So he's chic. And like, who knows? I can't speak. Again, are we missing a little context? I can't speak to what the reason that this relationship happened. Is it possible? You did, you know, there are things that you both of you did that led to this.

Maybe. I don't know. But let's just talk about the actual situation you're in, right? you, you said, and yes, him saying he really misses his family, I totally get that. And this is a great example of, it is a little immature to think cheating is the end of the world, right? This is a good example of that, how like life is more complicated than cheating bad, right? Cheating is bad, I get it. And a lot of people cannot get over it, and you're totally fine if you can't.

but in situations when it's more complex than that, you're talking about your family. You've built, you know, he's already come from a situation where he has two kids with someone else. Maybe you're tired, maybe you're straight up just tired of trying to figure it out and you want to like,

and you still, there's still love between you and this person, and you want to work towards a situation where you can trust her again so you can get your family back on track. There is nothing wrong with wanting that if you think you can handle it, right? If you think you can get over it And people certainly get over cheating, right?

Especially the old, later in life, I think... Old? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is funny that, you know, the old guy is tough. And the fact that the guy said something, like, when he said they both said stuff, that's where I'm like, are you a bitch? I also...

And is that a problem in your life? I'm serious. Like, did you let some fucking old guy disrespect you and you should have taken a fucking crowbar to his knees? It's possible, right? I don't know. And you have to figure that about yourself because how self-consumption?

you are about it is a red flag to me, right? Someone who's mentioned a couple times he's worried about how we're going to perceive him on this podcast. Which he was right to think so. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Of course. Because when you start worrying, when you're insecure, it becomes obvious and people do kind of don't respect somebody who's insecure.

I mean, that's just how the world works, unfortunately, right? Can I say, I think there's also multiple options for my accent. There's multiple options to stuff like this. I think, you know, sometimes I think people, don't, they see everything very black and white. And maybe he's trying to see the situation is there was a moment I felt secure because I had my family and everything was locked and loaded. And then this moment I felt, you know, out of, everything was out of control.

And so when you feel powerless and out of control, you act on fear. So right now all he can think about is how do I get stability back? Sure. And trying to get that stability means family. Family is stability, family stability. It may not be. So really what you could do is focus on why don't we co-parent in a way or have a relationship in a way that allows us to create stability for the family,

but then we live our own separate lives. Because I think what he's really saying is, I feel powerless, I feel no stability, and I'm trying to get something back in my life to feel more streamlined. So it doesn't necessarily have to be get back together with her just because that represents that. It can be a multitude of things. Yeah, I think that's a great point.

And I do think that you have to be realistic here and that he's right. He hasn't healed from this. And I think some arrangement where you can get stability, you can work on yourself and if you feel like it slowly work a relationship with her again that's in a way that

you know you're working towards first of all your main goal is stability for your family for your kid whatever but if you're working towards some kind of reconciliation I think that's the way to handle it and I also think what you said is a great point where yeah this might just be you craving some stability so you think all right

if I take her back it just becomes like it was And it won't. And it won't be. It won't be. Whatever you do, you have to work towards, you have to work towards repairing this fucking huge betrayal at the center of your life. Whether that's repairing your relationship with this person and you guys get back together,

I'm not ruling that out, but you also have to be realistic. And if you try that and it's not working, you have to realize there's no going back. We have to just form stability from whatever the fuck. But either way, an internal change is going to have to be made. Exactly. Yes. Because part of it is also, yes, you healing and like, and, you know, just fucking getting over.

I mean, getting over this sounds cold and crass, but that's the reality. It's like where you can get to the point where this does involve you as much. It's never going to fully go away probably for a while, but get to the point where it's just like, you know, you're just kind of getting over it. But yeah, look, if you feel like you want to give it another shot, that's fine. With real boundaries, I would probably say some kind of couples counseling, kind of therapy thing to, start at least. Mediator. Mediator at first because you feel you're feeling a lot of feelings and you don't want to get too emotional. You want to give this a fair shot if you're going to do it. But also, if you realize it's not working, you don't have to fucking go through with it, right?

You're trying it for your family. But yeah, dude, what you're feeling is totally okay. I do think you should probably look at not only counseling if you're going to get back the other, but even if it's short-term therapy or counseling for you, almost like grief counseling. I don't know if people do that when they get, when there's such a serious betrayal. Like getting shoot on with kids, that's a fucking traumatic thing. Because it's more, it is more important than just you now, right? Because you feel that you're a part of something that's disappointing now multiple people and it's going to shape their lives. It's a betrayal on like multiple levels when other people's lives are involved.

But to be fair, he did not put himself in this position. So he is now trying to hold the emotional weight of her and him and make a decision for both of them. He has to make a decision ever to be what's best for himself. That's what I was going to say is like if you feel like you're doing this and you're putting in more work like this if you, you know, obviously you have a part in forgiving and working towards rebuilding, but the person who betrayed you should be doing the heavy lifting here. Yeah, but I do think sometimes when there's cheating involving cheating happening and people come together again, then when that other person says, I'm going to come here and we're both

going to work on this, it has to unfortunately be an equal. move together. Otherwise, the other person will feel like they have to appease. That's a good point. And appeasing doesn't necessarily fix what the problem was in the first place, whether that problem be their individual problem or together. So in a way, you do have to sacrifice some of your ego and say, we got to do this together. That's a good point. If you decide to do it, you have to forgive the person for it, because you're right. Or at least compromise your own feelings for a second to try and see if you can move forward and work on fundamentally what the problem is. We're not saying, because you might not be ready for that. And that's

totally okay. But whatever it is, you have to decide what's best for you and your kids and not, because right now, of course, you want your family back, but what you really want, first and foremost, is for this who have never happened. You want to go back in time. That's not an option. So if you really sit with your feelings and think, do I want to work to get my family back, even though I didn't deserve this at all, if the answer is yes, try it. Godspeed, if the answer is no, that's okay too. Just know, that's a different. harder road and you're going to be single and you're rebuilding for you know you're rebuilding again and now you're now you're the guy with two ex baby mamas you know what I mean that's another thing that's

probably weighing on your head on some level but that's life baby you didn't you it's not your fucking fault somebody cheated on you if your penis is small maybe we'll get you in touch with a woman from the first fall yeah that could be your little rebound and you should be like I get to fuck five ladies now bitch one old guy equals five awesome chances of pussy. My mom's lies in Manelli. You don't fucking, you don't fucking treat me like this. I fuck pussy.

I forgot I said that. Play us another one, Bigeldo. Hey. This is, okay, I'm going to talk about myself first, and then I'm going to ask my question. So, I am in the mid-30s. I'm a hospice nurse. I live with my mom, my sister, and my sister's fiance. Kayla, it's so chill.

It's so nice. It's like four adult women. It's always clean. Somebody's making cookies. That sounds awesome. I smoke joints in my garden all the time. It's so nice. Sounds nice.

But I like being a nurse. I've been a nurse for a really long time, like 12-ish years. Okay. 11 years? I don't know. But I also run a pretty successful Onlyfans page. I'm single now, but I've been dating here and there. And I'm just wondering what your thoughts are on like when's the right time to tell somebody about that.

Because I like to be really like directed up front, but, you know, it carries some stigmas still. So I don't know. And like, you know, it's kind of like a weird niche thing. So that's interesting. I don't know. What do you think the right answer is? I don't think it should matter. But I also like I only do solo stuff.

I don't have, like, content up with, like, other dudes or anything like that. I feel like that changes things. But it kind of does. Yeah. I think it does. I have an answer. I mean, it's good money. It's kind of hot.

It's fun. I like it. Yeah, if you have a good time. I wonder what you thoughts are. Right. I love that she's fucking riding a Sibian and her fucking mom and her, and her gay in-laws are downstairs making fucking crescent rolls. But everything's clean.

But it's spotless. I think that she actually. answered her own question. I think that being up front about it weeds out the insecure men because it takes a man who understands that she's got a business and she knows what she has and she's branding herself and she's making money

and that, you know, I think an insecure straight guy would be like they think quite possessive when it comes to women. Like she's my woman and my woman and no way because and I understand that like that's how you think you're supposed to care but in reality it doesn't actually hinders someone else's own self-expression. So I think that if she

enjoys it, she sounds like she's enjoying it and she's making good money, find the guy that's going to be proud of her and say, you know what, you do you, that's a great way of finding. My wife busted wide open on the internet. That's my girl, dude. Look at those ass cheeks. And my mom's Liza fucking Monelli.

I know good performance. And I know artistry because my mom's fucking Liza Minnelli. My wife is fucking shaking those ass cheeks like my mom doing the Charleston as a toddler. Liza Monelli's Pussy fucking son is one of our favorite he's one of my favorite

characters in the in the canon in the Stavvy's World canon I know good performance My mom's wives And I know

stage presence You don't know the lineage I come from I know I just look like some guy works for Deloitte, but I fucking know performance, bro.

My granddad's Vince and Monelli. I have a gay great-grandfather. Both my grandfather and great-grandfather are homosexuals. So, okay, this is an interesting call.

I love, I do, love, by the way, it is also, like, how bad the economy is has just forced us back into village-style living. Where it's like she's in a commune with three generations of women. It's beautiful.

And she's a nurse. And she's a nurse. She's a nurse. She's a nurse and putting them and dumping those titties out, dude. It's crazy. So funny. I mean, hopefully she's doing well from it.

I hope so. But it is so. And I'm glad. And I actually love that. I mean, Greek people live. It's like, basically, in my family in Greece, it's like everybody and a lot of people,

how they do it is, there's an apartment building and every generation has their own floor. Yes. And to me, that's the dream. Like, I still dream sometimes of, like, someday, dude, buying fucking stuff,

like a building. And it's like, we live on the, like, me, eldest, straight George, the elusive and mysterious big P. And, like, that would be fucking awesome. You know what I mean? And I love, but, you know,

a house is a little different. I think they all deserve their own floor. But anyway, what they got going is great. I love what you're doing over there. Yeah, I mean, for me, and I do think there are, levels to just like anything there are levels to stuff and I think like I don't know solo stuff

and I obviously I'm not the average guy but to me I would rather you fucking do solo only fans and work for a defense contractor you know what I mean like like like to me it's like there's solo only fans is like is like lawyer to me yeah you know what I mean it's like it's like great oh it's you know I'm not that interested you know yeah it's like I'm not even trying to be like I'm liberal and I live in a little bit though we have to be on I know, I know, but also, I understand. You're right. You're right. You're right. I get it. I get it. But I'm also saying, like, there is really, truly a part of me that's just like, yeah, I don't, that's fine. I agree. I don't know. I'm not bothered by it. And I would now, where we're going to be realistic here is like, if it was other people and other guys in particular, that's a harder sell. It's a harder sell. It's a harder sell for sure. It's hard to show. And definitely, she does have to have a conversation because you'd have to say, are you okay with me engaging in sex with other people? You know, it's for my business.

I understand that. I think that's way more reasonable to have a hard line stance about. But to me, and I think to probably like there is a difference between doing and then the other thing is like how public, because the other thing people might think is like how public it is

like, you know, if you're very serious about this, what if you have fucking kids? Like, you know, thinking about that stuff, which again, there's ways to handle all that stuff but they're all valid concerns and like, yeah, is it like your secret? thing. You have a fucking mask. You're wearing a fucking, you know,

luchador mask and playing with your pussy. And nobody really knows. Or do you have an Instagram account that's like, the naughty nurse? You know what I mean? It's like you're tagging yourself. You're wearing your fucking scrub. You're tagging yourself in your home. Like, there's also a difference just to how public you are about it, how much of your life it is.

Because also it's like, anyway, so there's a ton of different stuff. But I think relatively soon is the way to go. Yeah, yeah, I agree. But I think... Maybe not the first date. I don't think, I think maybe even first, second, because the first two dates are sort of like you're feeling people out. That's right. I think it's kind of like, how much of a connection do you feel with someone?

The way I look at it is like, how serious is this going to be? Right. If you feel like it might be serious, drop it like date three. You know what I mean? Like talk to somebody because, like, you don't want to build something with someone that you don't, you know, you don't want to build something and then like have this thing hanging over. Yeah, because obviously if it's something that's weighing on, you. you, then you probably want to say it soon and later because you also don't want to feel like you're hiding something from somebody for a long time.

Not that, that doesn't necessarily mean it's bad. I don't think it's bad at all. But I'm sure it'll be on her mind. And if she likes them, then she's going to steep more into fear. You know, so just kind of be upfront about it. And she might be surprised with the responses that she gets. And look, also, there's a way to look at it where it's like, look, if it comes up naturally where it's like you're talking about work and shit, you're like, I'm a fuck it.

You could be like, I'm a nurse and I, you know, I also have, uh, I have a, I have a, like another, I have an only fan's page when it comes up. She's like, I'm a nurse and I'm a nurse. And I'm a nurse. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I think it's the kind of thing where you don't need to fucking drop it immediately. No. Right? I think you want to see if you're compatible with somebody.

Unless he met her from her only fans and was like, can I take you up for a drink sometime? No? I don't think that's happening. Okay. Yeah, oh, nice. Hell yeah. We get a little peek into the gay mind. I just would say. I don't know.

You're using OnlyFens to dating. Let me say something. Not as a dating, but I'm just saying it wouldn't, if something, like, I have friends with OnlyFans. I'm, it doesn't even cross my... I really find it hard to believe that, like, a straight guy is getting a date from an OnlyFans creator that he, like, follows. Unless he's, like, a super fan or some shit. But even then, the relationship is very, like, trick. Yeah.

Or Findom or something like that. I'm not saying it's impossible, and I'm sure it's happened. Right. Right? It's the same way it's like, yeah, sometimes guys get to fuck the strippers. it's rare, but every once in a while it happens, it's kind of like that, I would say. Okay.

You know, I don't think it's happening that way. And if that happens, I don't think the guy, I think then you have a whole different problem where it's like, is he only fetishizing me for my body? Whereas, like, if you meet someone who doesn't know it, it's like the exact opposite where it's like, is he going to see this as too, you know, whatever, he's just not cool with him.

On that note, she might find guys that find that empowering. I think, yeah, my girl's really into, you know, she owns her sexuality. I think that's kind of hot. I do, yeah, exactly. I think, I think basically you treat this like any kind of like, you know, like telling somebody you have a kid. Do they need to know the first date?

Well, that's a strict no for me. Yeah. But yeah, yeah. But so, I don't know. I think you're fine. I think this is the kind of thing where it's like, if you start to feel a connection with someone, I think the range is dates two through four,

depending on how serious the dates are and how much time you've spent with them. Yeah, I think that's. That's about right. And like, you feel it out. And I would even say it's like if you, I don't know what kind of dating she's doing. If it's casual, I don't even know that you need to tell someone. You know what I mean? If it's casual, I don't think.

I agree with you. Yeah, I don't think you have to. But I think she's asking about. If it gets serious. Yeah, so three to four. Once you're feeling a connection with someone, the two to four range, I think, is where you drop that. And it also just explained it.

I mean, part of it is like if you need to fucking, if you're doing sex work, but you're in control, you do it so. you get the money directly. You know what I mean? You're not putting, you're not, it's not dangerous, which is one of the nice,

the, how should she presented then? Because I think that she should say, let's say, she really has a connection with somebody. Yeah. And so they're at that point. I think what she should say,

we'd be like, okay, you know, I just want to tell you something and just to be vulnerable with you. I'm a little nervous because I know that this can kind of freak people out, but I do with solo only fans.

Yeah. And it's something that I love. I love doing it. It helps pay the bill. Like, I think it's realistic because if somebody's telling you, I, picked up safe

solo sex work to help pay the bills. But I don't think she should ask, you'd have to be like, you fucking I don't think she, I don't think she should, she should not ask how he feels about that. No, because that implies that there's shame. What she should say is, this is what I do. Just letting you know, you know, and because I, and

you can even say, like, I'm feeling connection with you and I want to put all my cards out of the table. If this is something you're cool with or if it's not, and, you know, either way, it looks like, either we move forward or we don't. And, you know, there's a million different reasons. Somebody might not who's going on two good dates, might not

go on a third. This happens to be one of them. You want to find that out sooner rather than later. Yeah. I think it's that simple. I think that's that. Yeah. Wow, we really, we should do. We're geniuses, dude. And our mom, and we fuck pussy. And we fuck pussy. My

mom's life's a fucking Manelli. You ever heard all that jazz, bitch? I was on that set, finger popping in age five. What could it sitting when you're alone in your room come to the fucking cabaret, you fucking pussy? Jesus fucking Christ. Dude, we're going to do ketamine and watch you fucking ladies tap dance, dude.

Hit us another one. Sing us another song, Mr. Eldis. What's up, Stav. What's up, Elvis? Look, I got it. Not too big of a problem, but enough to where it drives me up a fucking wall. Okay. feel baddie sometimes.

I absolutely love my girlfriend. She means the world to me. We're great. We really do. Great, perfect relationship. Okay. The only thing. We'll sit down at the end of a nice long day and she'll go,

can we watch a movie? Sure. Let's watch a movie. It does matter. She puts it on. I put it on. Whatever. But if it's like,

if we're going to watch a movie, let's watch the fucking movie. doesn't matter why do we even put the fucking movie on because all she does is talk the whole time she talks the entire time asking me questions what's going on

what's happening I don't know I know as much as you do yeah that's tough I don't know how to tell her that in a nice manner because I really am I am a very nice pleasant person

I'm a nice guy I'm not an asshole I'm not I don't lash out but this is the one thing that she does that makes me absolutely furious and makes my blood boil and the more and more the movie goes on the quieter and more furious i guess and i don't want to blow up on her that sounds like an asshole but um so yeah if you have any suggestions any any thoughts on how i should approach this how i should tell her this because i just feel like any way i tell her i you've got to sound like an ass.

So you've never had this conversation. Any idea and thoughts would be greatly appreciated. You've never even shushed your wife. I have an idea, but I have a question for both of you. Okay. Okay, especially growing up in a Greek home. Mm-hmm. Because Italians, I've never, the TV's been on.

Right. I've definitely watched. I've never heard it. Oh, interesting. There's too many people talking all at the same time. I watched a lot of stuff through chaos for sure growing up. Because, like, there was only one TV, right? Right, of course.

But you're just like kind of zeroing in and being like, shut the fuck. You know what I'm being annoyed and like? And that's when getting your own TV was huge. Of course. Like we're of the age where it's like, I mean, dude, we age ourselves so much. Kids are going to live. Like Gen Z motherfuckers hear this and we're talking about getting a TV in your room. They've got their laptops.

They've got their phones. I mean, this sounds like we're talking about washing our fucking, washing our clothes and hanging it out to dry on the fucking. Which my mom did also do. But it's funny that we really are on the cusp of like, we really were like had, did some things that were old world and some things that are like, you know, as advances anyone. There was one TV in a VCR. There was one TV for a lot of my life. I got a TV when I was like 13 or 14.

Imagine everyone had to agree on the movie that they wanted to watch. You and your brother, like, that's, yeah, me and my brothers had to, like, agree on stuff. Right. Yes. I think, I mean, what about you? Did you guys talk? I do remember, like, watching. But I feel like you really did key, like, you would, like, really watch stuff, though.

I remember watching stuff through. At the same time, I feel like with my family, it was a lot of like communal time around the television. And there's not a ton of talking going on. In fact, I have like memories of like my grandma or my mom is like washing a dish in the kitchen. And my dad's like, you keep that fucking shit down. He just like blows up really disproportionately because he's watching like whatever bullshit is on that he doesn't even give a fuck about. I actually do will say that's true. And I also think it's because your family actually respected America.

And there was like a let's understand the culture aspect to your parents watching TV that didn't really have like my dad hated American stuff. Like he only watched TV when we got satellite and watched Greek TV around when I was around 11. And that's when we got like we didn't have cable. And then for the first few years, they wouldn't add any cable packages. We got a satellite TV only for Greek stuff. And they're like, hey, it's like four dollars more to get like all these channels. My dad just wouldn't do it until we begged him for it. But anyway, like this.

Can I say, though, I grew up, I filmed. When I was at my Nana's house, and I had like five of my aunts were over and my grandpa. And they were watching hoarders. My nana loves hoarders. Was she a hoarder? No. There's no cleaner house on earth. Oh, so she loves 1,000-pound sisters.

That's one of her favorite shows. And she loves Game of Thrones is one of her favorite shows. She has a John Snow mug And she met him She loves him Oh yeah So she does no thousand pounds sisters Is one of her favorite shows

Incredible Her and her house coat watching it But anyways we were watching it I was home in Chicago And I just realized like Everyone's talking at the same time They are screaming at the And they're all trying to outdo each other

And make each other laugh So I just started filming it And then I eventually sent it to Rachel Feinstein Who was like I cannot believe This is the house you grew up And I was like They just are yeah Like they show like, you know, the dead cat or my grandma.

Oh my god. My aunt leaves is like, and she's got him do this to the toilet to get the shit to go down. My grandma was like, I can't hear the TV. He's blind. So anyway, but yeah. No, it was never that bad. It was never that bad. It was just like, you know, noises happening.

One TV pair. You know, everyone was in the same room. Yeah. We never had that like boisterous. If anything, that would sometimes happen at holidays, like at Easter or Thanksgiving when it is a bunch of Greek people. And then it became that like. showing off trying to get laughs. I'm definitely, as a child,

that's one of the first places you're kind of performed before realizing it. But even that, I still remember, like, watch it. That's how I saw Star Wars for the first time. You know, classic holiday movies, family vacation, all this kind of shit. I was, I was, like, they showed me, like, my brother's godmother's kids

who effectively were, like, older cousins in terms of, like, what they meant to us. They showed us so much American culture and movies every, Because, like, my parents really did not give them a... My mom did a little bit, but she was so overworked and my dad didn't give a fuck at all. But I will say this particular thing would drive me crazy.

Right. I will say, though, I have... Sometimes you go out with, like, cinephiles, like, girls who are into movies, and you'll just come... Like, you'll both just end up watching a movie and be too tired to fuck. That's the flip side of this.

It's like, if you date someone who really locks into movies, you can think you're about to fuck and then just, like, end up watching. watching the conversation or whatever. And so that my, my advice here is kind of the flip side of my thing, where it's like, I think you have to set different, there's different movies for different types of hangs.

Yeah. Right? I think what you need to do, you're never going to eliminate. This is how your wife is programmed. This is how she wants to behave, whatever. So the compromise to me is you have movie night, you have movies that are almost designed to be talked over. So, like, look, if I want to invite, like, you know, don't put on a gripping drama and, like, you know, don't put on a gripping drama and just expect her to fucking sit through it.

Put on something goofy. We do that a lot. I feel like we're kind of the masters of that because, like, on the bus, they really, you know, we'll watch fucking Segal movies that you just don't really need to, you know, you want to pay attention to the fight scenes. But then there's big stretches where you don't have to really fucking listen. or put on a movie you've seen a hundred times and talk over. But I think you have to be like, hey, tonight we're doing a fucking, doing a movie where we pay attention. And I do think you need to kind of,

I think you have to introduce the concept first. Yeah. Like the fact that he's never said this to his wife. Yeah. You've just been silently stewing. It is going to be a little, not awkward, but it is going to be like, hey. Maybe she's picking up on that, like, heat. And she doesn't understand why.

So she keeps talking. Yeah. And he's not communicating. So she's like, did I do something wrong? Maybe if I engage more in the movie, he'll pay attention, you know. This, I mean, stewing is never good. No. Never good.

But it's kind of cute that it's just about a movie. Like, they do sound like that's a good relationship. That is, that is cute. That is cute. But I think you should have the conversation. You should be like, hey, this fucking drives me crazy. And it's like, let's have something. Like, let's figure.

And I think you need to explicitly be like, tonight's a talky movie. You know what I mean? And tonight's, I can zip it up. You know what I mean? Like, I think, I think they're, because, you know, I'm somebody who likes to watch, you know, we'll throw on movies all the time. And yeah, there's the difference between, if you put on Pulp Fiction, which I've seen a hundred times, we'll talk. When something cool's about to happen, we'll watch that. We'll go back to talking.

But if there's a movie I really want to fucking see, I think that's really, you just have to have a conversation and be like, what are we in the mood for tonight? Yeah. You're in the mood for just a fucking blabbering ass fucking. And maybe his wife is constantly in the mood for blabbering. but that's okay that's what compromises you do it some of the time you do it her way?

I think that's a perfect answer I don't know Elders is like literally perfect As a married man Do you have any insight here eldest Because I feel like you and your You and your wife actually are pretty good about watching stuff together

Yeah we watch stuff I definitely wouldn't say she does this Sometimes like we'll both do it Where you know Gossip Maybe or we'll watch a movie We'll watch a movie And then she'll be like

Oh wait Why is he? Is he her? Is he the dad? And I do it too. And it's just like, you know, I think we're both like, are we missing something? Sure. And a lot of times with movies, it's like, you have to watch and see how the plot unfolds.

And you may not know an answer. I don't fucking know. Let's find out. So I don't know. When that happens, I'm just like, oh, I don't think we know yet, which is like, okay, let's keep watching. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I don't know. It's never really that bad of a problem.

But I think I really like I don't think we know yet because that's like, I don't think we know yet. Because that's like, I don't know. And it's like we have to keep, you're signaling, we have to continue watching to know what happens. The story hasn't unfolded that far yet. Right, right, right. So I think, like, I would probably say go for little tricks or signals like that rather than, rather than, you know, what you're suggesting stuff. I think it's a good suggestion. But I think it could come off as like condescending a little where it's like, okay, it's like talking to a kid or something.

It's like, okay, we're going to watch love is blind now. I know, but also she's behaving like a child. I don't know. Sometimes you just fucking let loose a while, like talk your bullshit through a movie. Of course. Of course. But I think there is times to do that. And I also think, I'm not saying do this all at once.

I think it starts with a conversation, right? You're like, hey, I got to come clean about something. It's a bit of a pet peeve when we talk through movies. And it's like, I don't want to sound like a dick. Sometimes we should just pick movies that. we're not that invested in so we can talk and catch up. But there's going to be other times where I really want to watch a movie. It's more like, it's not like, okay, you've been good.

You get to talk through some dumb fucking rom-com. Maybe they can use that. Can be talkie or no talking? No talking. Got it. I'm serious. Do that. I think as long as you put it in a way that's like, look, it's a little bit of a pet peeve.

Yeah. Like, let's, certain time, when we're picking a really good movie that I want to see, I don't want to talk through it, you know. Now, other times we're just kind of chilling and watching a dumb movie. And I think that just will naturally happen. Like, you know, if we're watching Independence Day, fucking we'll talk over. We should watch Independence Day. That movie is ridiculous.

I know. We just watched it. Did we hear Patrice O'Neill and Jim Norton talk about it on the radio years ago? No, no. Gotta pull that up. It is one of the funniest thing. Pull that up, guys. I'm sure it's funnier than this podcast.

Take a break and watch actually when comics cared about broadcasting. When it was like they were trying to prove themselves and not handed a million-dollar job for barely care. Look, I don't know why this is how it is either, okay? Don't get mad at me. It just happened this way. I don't know what. Anyway, I'm Lodge of him in the only son. I'm fucking.

I'm Liza both guys. Hey, hey. He's getting more aggressive. We came to the great character today. We did a great character. All right. Next question, Eldis. I'll do a couple more here.

Hey, first time caller, one-time listener. What I'm star? Eldis. Esteemed guest. I want to call in. I've called him a four. I was like the same question.

Okay. But I thought I could tell a little more succinctly. Nice. So basically, I like eating pussy, right? Always have. My mom's one. Whatever. Just always enjoyed it.

That's awesome. I've been with this girl for the last couple of years. And it's going really well. You know, we're both young, but we're really in love and all that. That's cute. And, you know, I really love her. And I don't know, this is starting to get to the point where it's like, you could be thinking about marriage, stuff.

that we're really young so it's like a couple years away for sure but still that's awesome I don't eat her pussy right like we've done it a couple times but then she has herpes right and herpes ain't too big a deal I'm kind of accepted I'm gonna that big a deal at some point through our relationship if we stay together for a long time and that's looking like the case right is he whispering because he's nervous or because she's next to him? Yeah, I don't know. Why is he whispering?

He's definitely is mush mouth and whispering. She's got a herpes. Yeah. Okay. But I've yet to contract it right in like fucking four years. So pretty much my question is, should I just say fuck it and eat her pussy? Should I just add that into the daily rotation or should I just keep myself? clean as long as I can

and when it happened, what happens and maybe I can go buck wild. But anyway, yeah, thank you if you have any advice. An interesting quandary. Here's what you're gonna fucking do. So

his girl has herpes. Yeah. But I don't correct me if I'm wrong here, if she takes her medicine, she doesn't have an outbreak. You can eat her pussy, right? I think so. I think so. Talk to a doctor.

I think you can. Yeah, don't call Stalmers a show. Speak to your practitioner. I do think I hooked up with somebody. She told me she had herbies after. Oh. Which kind of a wild move. But I got tested and I'm clean.

I've eaten somebody's pussy that herpes without knowing it. Have I eaten someone's pussy that has? I don't think. I'm going to guess no. For certain mitigating factors, I'm going to guess no. I feel like I, if you take your medicine, you should be fine? I think maybe if you plant it around

when the medicine is the strongest and it's a treat to eat, like I guess she doesn't, is she self-conscious about it? I don't understand. I guess we don't know that. We don't know. Maybe she just thinks he doesn't like eating pussy.

Sure. I think if she's on her medicine, yeah, we've kind of, Benny Butcheeks is called, who does not have herpes, but he's talked on this podcast about how the stigma is too high for herpes, which I do kind of think.

It actually doesn't really affect your life that much once you get on the medicine. But I think you're okay, dude. I don't know. Talk to a doctor. Talk to a sex ed teacher. But I'm pretty sure you could eat your girlfriend's pussy as long as she's like, you know, don't, don't, if it's...

I mean, you're having sex with her. I think you're fine. Yeah, he's also fucking her. So he's like, okay. Yeah, that's my other thing. It's like, is you wearing a condom every time? Oh, that's crazy. But maybe he is.

I don't know. Give him a call. Yeah. It is, it is. funny because this is like a bigger commitment than like proposing to her. He's like should I give her the pussy eating her the eating her should I risk getting oral herpes? Because I love doing it. I also

respect this man. This is for the love of the game. I mean dude I think I don't know. I think this is a purely medical question. There's no emotional stuff. There's nothing else. Ask a doctor if you can eat pussy if somebody has herpes. I feel like the other just

I think you can. It's low risk. Do you take herbie medicine every day? Even if you don't have an outbreak, like there is a risk or something. Well, I think they have to say it like bleach kills 99.9% of all germs. I can't say 100%. It's one of those things that you're fine. My guess is you're probably fine. Yeah.

Right. And just, and maybe don't eat pussy constantly, I guess, if it weighs on you, but at least get it in the mix and the rotation a little more. Yeah, work up to. I feel like, yeah, consult your week or two. But again, consult a medical professional. This feels like a purely medical question. But do you take medicine every day? Like is it like prep?

Like you take or like a birth control? Do you take medicine every day? I have no idea. We should become more versed on this. If we have any herpes experts, call in, we'd love to expand our base of knowledge. I wonder what that goes up to. She was hot too.

But I felt pissed because I was like, it was a, like, you got to. Because the thing is if she would have told me, I would have been like, all right. Right. But she just didn't tell me. Maybe you should get it going one more time. Stuff for the good of the show.

and the knowledge base. So that I could tell this guy, yeah. You're acquiring more knowledge for the show. She was awesome. This was right after the pandemic when pretty much everybody was fucking. Yeah. When New York lifted the ban and it was awesome. That was the best.

That, that, like, post-COVID summer in New York was... Where were you during the pandemic? I was in Queens. Oh, I was, yeah, it was in Manhattan. Yeah, yeah. It kind of was one of the best summers ever. That summer was awesome. Liz and Jose at the cellar just hanging out every day.

I liked that summer. Oh, I loved it. That was fucking good. That was awesome. Could we collectively like every three years take a summer off? Yeah. Just everyone's dead. You can't move.

Why not? Pick a place. You've got two weeks to pick a place. And then fucking stay there. Sounds nice. That was amazing. Yeah. Anyway, good luck.

Godspeed. I think you could probably eat your girlfriend's pussy, but talk to a doctor about it. Also, maybe just say to her you're feeling insecure. If you guys have been together that long, she'll understand. and you guys should have a conversation about it. Maybe tonight's a talkie. He's not a talking. Is that part of it?

Him? Feeling insecure? No, I mean. No, I know, but he's feeling insecure around the fact that, like, I don't want to maybe talk to her about it. He was whispering the whole time. I don't want to talk to her about it because he probably doesn't want to hurt her feelings. He's like, I really want to eat pussy, but I don't want to get herpes. Is that okay?

That is true. I do wonder, like, how frankly they have discussed herpes. Probably not. If she's been like, I have herpes, they both know it, and then he just assumes he can't eat it. I would think he could then say it. And maybe she doesn't even know herself. Maybe she's not that educated on it besides what she just has herpes and, you know. Well, she should know.

I mean, once you get it, you should, she should know, right? Your doctor has to sit you down and be like this. Maybe. How many times do you get sick and like, you know, you barely follow a while? Don't take all your antibiotics. Yeah. You got to finish them. I do.

I do now. Okay. You know. But yeah, I think you're fine. I didn't ferment much of my life Right Place another one a little eldest Stavi

Wondering If it's morally Incorrect To not want an ugly masseuse Yes Next question What the fuck are you talking about? Is she good at massaging

Did he say something about a dude? I don't know if that's completely wrong A dude What did he say? Go back Is he gay? if it's morally Is this guy straight and wants a hot male masseuse? You guys are doing the movie thing right now

Just waiting a lesson to the call All right Talk a dude of Greek Go ahead, go ahead Morally incorrect To not want an ugly masseuse Even if it's a dude You know

I mean I just don't want an ugly masseuse I don't know if that's completely wrong It's weird. It's weird to think that. Obviously, wanting an attractive person to rub your entire body is inherently sort of, you know. You're turning it sexual, basically. It's got to be a little bit wrong.

It's a little bit wrong. It's like no. A larger Mediterranean man thought on this. Only one thought, not two. Thank you very much. That's it. That's the whole question. Oh, we're shop, shop.

Oh, it's just me. It's all. Evan Williams, man. Yo, what if a fucking hot guy, man? Touch my ass, man. The little guy. The little guy, man. The little guy, man.

I miss heaven, dude. Um, so, uh, I would say yes. I also see where you're coming from. Like, I actually, I'm working on a bit about this. I don't think it'll make this special. But it's like, it is, like, crazy how people just want, like, like, if you get a, like, if you If you go to a restaurant you get the ugly waitress, you're pissed.

But it's like, why? Who cares? I've never even thought of that. What if she's... All right, well, you know. You just would rather... I think there is a general inclination for humanity to want a more beautiful... Just the best of whatever...

Best in general terms. And so I get... I sort of get it, but I also think what's best in a masseuse is their ability to give you a massage. That's right. Like, to me... I guess all things being equal.

If you get the best, two masseuses that are equally skilled and one is hot and one is not, I guess I would prefer the hot one just because. Right. But all things are very rarely ever equal, right? Ultimately, it's like I, and I, you know what? This happened to me where I got somebody who was like, you know, kind of busted, but they were good at giving a massage. And so who cares?

And I would probably argue the uglier person is. better at their job. Because hot people get away with a lot of society. I don't think he's worried about the actual massage. That's what's going on here. Is this guy just talk? Is he trying to get a Thailand on the beach style massage? If you're talking about...

He wants to be finished off. Are you talking about a happy ending? Is that what you're talking about? But like, if you're talking about a non-sexual massage, it's weird for you to care how... Like, is it wrong? I guess it's not wrong unless you're discreet. unless you're not booking sessions because they're ugly.

But I guess it's not wrong. It's just weird is how I come down on it. It doesn't affect your life. It doesn't, you don't, being hot is not part of being a masseuse, an actual masseuse. You know what I mean? Like, so if you're actually getting a massage, like, you know, it's not, I've got, I get a massage. It's not like I'm attracted to the person who gives me, but like, right now, because of my back, I've been getting like a regular.

And I found someone who's like, you know, I don't want to fuck that. But I've been going back because they're a great masseuse. Like, that's all there is to it. I don't understand. Like, you do put, him saying even if it's a dude is fascinating because... Is it a vanity thing? Because for someone to say, only someone who's attractive can touch me. And it makes me feel like, who are you?

I know, that's the interesting thing. It's like, what is at the base of that feeling? Immediately, knee jerk, we think sexual, right? Is it that looks maxing guy? Clavicular? is to maybe... Yeah, I mean, but that's a good point.

That's a type of vanity that's almost like this is where, like, our society is kind of going backwards in a lot of ways where, like, yeah, just be openly saying,

like, I want hot people to fucking, I only want to be around hot people. It's like, most people aren't hot. By saying, like, you're, like, it's just weird to want to take to, to,

I guess sort of this, if it was up to you, this guy, he would discriminate against, ugly masseuses. And that's the wrong part of it. Because I think it's like our society cannot reward like we we can't, you know, meritocracy is what we want. That's right. To have a functioning society. We can't go back to like, it's kind of old world ass villager thinking to be like, I need a hot person. Everyone around me needs to be hot. It's like everyone around you used to be good at their job. But it's oddly,

I think some people are chronically online. And when you're chronically online, you start to see obviously the best of the best, like the hottest people. on the beach, the Hudson's and that, da-da-da-da. So you start to think to yourself, I've curated this life. Even if you play video games, you select a hot character. You were just talking about Hassan. He's fucking stupid. He's just hot.

This is my friend. I can shit on him. He is very hot. It's kind of a problem. He knows he's got a big gay following as a result, right? He's like the straight guy with this huge gay following in those cheekbones. He knows what he's doing. I just don't think.

Why does straight guys get those cheekbones? It doesn't make sense. I don't know what to tell you. Give me the cheekbones. But yeah, I think maybe he's chronically online And he starts to think that like everything has to be curated His quote unquote taste Like not everyone in life has to look like your explorer page

Yeah, there's something kind of sinister honestly About wanting hot, only hot people around Because the bringing up the guy thing is also Saying even the guy means it's not sexual I agree Or your bi which is fine No, I agree But I don't think it's purely an aesthetics thing

I agree And it's purely like only the most beautiful And it's like look most society isn't beautiful. Now, if I saw a picture of him, he was the hottest man in the world, be like, okay, he's...

Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. If he was a piece of ass, maybe it's different. I'm joking. I'm joking. Yeah. But even then,

I feel like hot people like to be around the ugly. Like, they're doing charity work. I feel like, you know. So yeah, dude, I would say that is weird and you should interrogate that thought.

And it's a bad. I do think it's on balance bad to have that thought process. even though I don't think, I'm not even, I'm not being judgmental towards you, because I understand the sort of knee-jerk reaction. But it's also like, if you do the math on that thinking, you get back to a society that like ignores disabled people,

is racist. Because now we're talking about beauty, we're talking about a lot of beauty standards tend to be racist. So it's like, when he's saying beautiful, is he talking about people that aren't whatever ethnicity he is or whatever, or what, you know, light-skinned, whatever, like the fair, fair, like this kind of Western beauty standard stuff. By the way, I watched this documentary about the history of art,

and do you know what the problem is and why we are still stuck on specific beauty standards? Which is that? Ancient Greece? Was Greece. Yeah. Because there was so many different cultures of different beauty standards, but the Greeks invented a specific, not just style, but for, right. And so we're still, if you look at magazines, say we're stuck on the ancient Greek ideal of beauty. Even though they weren't blonde and fucking blew out.

You know what I mean? It's because it's that white marble. It's like if you were to see now. They weren't even white marble then. They were painted. But I mean, what we see is white marble. Sure.

You know, like what we, what has become, which is so fascinating because actually the real stuff was garish over the top color that they loved. But the proportions and the contrape, like how they were like the positioning

and their body and the, like the face like it, that sort of is still stuck today. Yeah, well, listen, you know, I get it as part of, I'm kind of, I do have that ideal Greek beauty. You can trace my lineage right back to. You weren't really handsome, Sauros. I appreciate them. You must know that. I appreciate that. I do think I, for, for what, from, I've said before, for my stats, I'm the best you could look. If you have my on paper weight, height,

you know, all, all my stats, I'm crushing those stats for sure. Um, but I think that's, this is an interesting philosophical question. And I think ultimately, yes. It's, I don't, again, I'm not judging you for, like, the knee-jerk reaction, but that's something you need to fight. That's the part of, like, human, uh, sort of like, that's, that's what our society was evolved to get past. And we're unfortunately going backward. I mean, that's pure, you know, Western, this fake, exactly, these fake ancient Greek return memes like the fucking racist with the fucking marble PFPs and shit like that. The, um, the like, profile picks. Oh. They'll have like marble. Really? On Twitter and Chile. Like the like Western, you know, Western ideals, which are just white supremacists.

Right. You're seeing a lot of that right now. And I think that thinking is connected. I think we need to live in a society that's merit-based that you ugly people get as much of a shot at being your masseuse as anybody else. Ultimately what they, well, yeah, it's like what they're fighting for to rub this fucking asshole's shoulders. Who cares? But that's the, that's where it starts. But even you're saying it out loud that way puts it pretty. plain sight for this guy like, hey, you do have a problem.

Yeah. Or you're just trying to get jacked off. Yeah. Or it's, it's purely sexual and he's a bisexual and that's a bisexual and that's a different issue. Go ahead. I was going to say, I think he should like just pay attention to his own internal process like during and after the massage too because even if they're hot, they could give you a shitty massage. And you'll feel that in your body. Totally. And that alone should be like, okay, maybe that initial reaction you have is like, nice. They're pretty hot when they walk in the room should be like, okay, they are hot, but that fucking sucked. I wish I had like someone busted who knew what they were doing on me. I actually think I'm opposite where I like, I do judge a

hot person at anything. Right. Where I'm like, are you really this smart? Hot doctor. I've said this before. Hate to see a hot doctor. Pisses me off because you know they got some preferential treatment and there are at least a couple percentage points dumber than they think they are. Somebody's really fucked up looking, got no breaks. But also the hot doctor is going to have a bit of a wall up because he's afraid that, or she or they are going to be afraid that the person wants to fuck them because they're a doctor and they're hot. So now they're going to even more.

Maybe they're cold. Who knows? Yeah. But yeah, I think this is an interesting thing to bat around in your head and think about where these feelings are coming from. Why do you play a quick one to take us out, Eld? There's something fun. Here's a response to remember the Maria and Alex episode, the gentleman from Manitoba,

with that goofy-ass voice? I do remember him, yes. This is someone responding to them. Hey, here's the fun one to go out on. I just got done with the... This is like a response. Okay. I don't like, pause this.

You're getting really sloppy with the ones to go out on. Okay? What do you mean? This is just the guy telling you it's one to go out on. Okay, I'm going to be fully transparent here. I originally intended to go out on the masseuse question.

Kind of a philosophical one. but this one, you know, got it in the vault. You've just blown it a couple times, and this guy recently, and this guy's saying it's the one to go out on. They don't need to say that. I know which ones to do for that. I'm just saying, I don't like that you're letting the audience prompt you.

No, no, no, no. But anyway, go ahead. This might work. I'm just letting this is just a little warning shot to get on your game again, all right? Get some good, quick ones to go out on that are funny. Go ahead. It just got done with the, And this is like a response.

Please, even. I just got there with the episode with the, like, deep Canadian guy. Yes. Who was really deep Canadian voice. He was, like, slightly embarrassed about it. I was thinking, it was the whole answer. It was buzzing in my brain the whole time you guys were answering and then stop. You said it yourself.

Start streaming. I mean this. It's full sincerity. I'm not fucking around. Okay. You seem funny. Like, not only do, there's a lot of success in streamers that have, like, that one eccentric thing about them or like unique personality trait or something but like you said during the question

some sort of Canadian slang that I I can't remember what it was but it was funny I was like I want to hear more of that and I think a lot of people do especially if you're like the type who doesn't play video games too much you should be playing like anime dating games I think people would really really laugh their ass up with how you would respond to that but in it like he said sincere good way. It's got nothing to do with the tone of your voices. It's the slang. It's the phrase. I got to hear it. Please

do your thing. Let me know. Get out on the internet so I can watch it. This guy wants to hear this guy talk. So for you, Mateo, it was a guy who had a very deep, I think he said, Manitoba accent. Okay. Not deep voice, just like a cool. You can't talk like this.

Yeah, it was kind of crazy. It was an insane voice. It was cool, though. It was very distinctive. and he called in, you know, asking for kind of like help. Marie really, really was being, let's just say Marie and the guy who asked about the hot masseuse were being, we have a lot in common there. Marie was being very ableist, if you can call it that. And she re, and we pressed her on it, she stood firm. She was like, she was a speech pathologist.

But this is another, this is another take. And I think he would I, I actually do believe, like, there is some wholesomeness to the internet. Like, as much as there is just garbage, there are some wholesome pockets. And I really could see this guy being kind of a wholesome fun streamer that people like seeing. That's my take. You heard it, buddy.

That's another guy. We hope our friend over in the Great White North is doing okay. But yeah, somebody thinks he should stream. That's going to do it for us. That's fun. That's good enough. Mattel, you're streaming. People can see you stream.

Yeah. You're on tour. I'm on tour. materialing comedy.com. When does this come out? A couple weeks probably. Oh, okay. I'll probably be in Europe by then. Oh, by the way, we haven't announced it yet, but I am going to be going to perform in Athens

for the first time in the fall. So I'm going to be there for three days. I'm pretty sure in September. We're going over. I might be there. Are you serious? I don't know. I haven't planned my September trip yet, but I might. I've already turned down actually, again, I've turned down a bunch of shit so that I can go to Greece this year. I just

turned down a big money gig to be like, you know what? Fuck it. I'm going to Greece. So I will be there probably late August to early September. And this would be mid-September. I mean, we might catch each other. That'd be so awesome. That would be fucking awesome. I'll try and do it. We'll talk about it afterwards. Okay, great. I'm planning on being there

from late August to at some point in September. It just depends. So, yeah. But I would love to make it works that we could hang out in Greece. That would be so sick. Yeah, fucking go see Mateo. Very funny. You got the podcast with Nick, who's also been on the pod. Check that out. And yeah, we're probably about to hit the bus right now.

Check us out. And, yeah, a lot going on. See you next week, guys. Bye-bye.