Stavvy's World - #181 - Jaboukie Young-White

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

Jaboukie Young-White joins the pod to discuss his rudeboy uncle, Jamaican names, the juicy tale of how his parents got married, why GLP1s are psyops, and much more. Jaboukie and Stav help callers including the gay man who's ethically conflicted after learning that the married man he hooked up with was gay and not straight, and a 40-year-old husband and dad of three who's responsible in every way except the fact that he loves doing dabs.     See Jaboukie live and follow him online:   https://www.jaboukie.com/ https://www.instagram.com/jaboukie https://www.twitter.com/jaboukie https://www.tiktok.com/@fakejaboukie   ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!   🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets   ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Upah! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World, 904-800-staff. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. On the couch today in the beautiful Lower Manhattan temporary studios of Stavis World. We have Djibuki Young White. Thanks for being here, Djibuki. Thank you for having to stay. Yeah, dude. We've had a lively discussion already.

That's the thing. You motherfuckers, you don't get the good stuff. We really let loose before the cameras start rolling. It's a gloomy day here in New York City. We're coming off a couple beautiful days. Yeah. And this is real podcasting weather. Mm-hmm.

I couldn't bring myself the podcast when it was 80 degrees. No, oh my God, you gotta get outside. You gotta get in a, outside pot. You gotta get in a tank top. No, this is good. This is pensive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Mews, think about ice spice mostly. You know, yeah. Shout out to her for holding it down and McDonald's, getting jumped. And then also keeping brand awareness in their fight. That is so impressive. Like, I aspire to that. That is so safe.

That's fucking beautiful. That is beautiful. Held her own and I'm back in. I liked seeing, first of all, more than holding her own, the fact that she was in a McDonald's alone, ostensibly kind of late.

I don't know. I just saw the video. I didn't really like even really key in. I didn't get the details, but it's like, I love that from a fucking, because she's not just famous. She's like young pop star star-lit famous.

Right. which will be taken away from her. You know what I mean? Like, that sucks, but that's how the world works. Right, right. But society, like, a young hot woman is, like, the most a famous a person can be. Because you're both famous and you just have the desires of being hot. Right.

And, like, just, like, how everybody wants. Society wants to fuck you, basically. Right. It's just commodifying you. But that does make you the most famous a person can be, I think. Yeah, because it's fame on top of fame. Fame on top of fame. Just being a hot woman, you're already famous.

You're societally speaking, that is what, that's how fame started. Yeah. It was like, Helen of Troy was just hot. Yeah. Right. Like, she was famous because she was a piece of, like, from the Odyssey. Right. Like, everyone else has like, fucking slate, giant slayer, the man who could tell the future.

Apollo granted him. And then it's like, she was just a piece of ass. That was a fucking bad. She was a bad bitch. The type of bitch that'll start a war and into a world war. Yeah. But that's, it truly is, and even like growing up, the pretty girl in class, superstar. Yeah.

I know what it's like to be in a room with Taylor Swift because I know what it was like to be in a room with like the hot girl when I was like... Exactly. When you're in second grade and like that one girl who's like hair is like done nice and she's like, and she's kind of polite. She kind of, she kind of was like a politician. Yes. Because there's also like a weight to her. Yes. Like she is really trying to hold it all together.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. She's a symbol already. She's symbolic, yeah, we all, it's like we need, it's like, yeah, the way they would, when they would send fucking Marilyn Monroe over for World War, for like, USO shows and shit, it's like, that was for like dumb children. It was like the pretty girl who like can tap dance or something. You know what I mean? She just has like one random skill or it's like, you know, she's into horses or whatever. Anyway, yeah, there was a weight. There's a lot, you know, from a young age, you're carrying a lot on your shoulders. Yeah. Big pressure. Big pressure. But yeah, I'm just so, Ice Spices won me over again with the Afro Latino song and eating McDonald's by herself.

And having her cheeks out at SpongeBob, which was awesome. Respect. Being hot, looking like a piece of ass. Right. Salute to her because I like to think there's one fat little boy who's just there to watch SpongeBob. And now she, she is in that night, there's at least one. kid who went from caring about SpongeBob to caring about huge asses. And she started him for the rest of his life. And that's beautiful. There'll be a kid who'll like in his fucking, he'll be wearing a Patrick Star shirt. And he'll be like going to the premiere of SpongeBob changed my life.

I'm addicted to just caked up. He goes home and throws away all of his like, fuck my sister. I love video games. Shut up, mom. I'm like video games. All those stupid ass shirts. She's just like a walking coming of age Yeah, for real, for real.

I mean, I try and think what would have happened to me if at 12, I saw ice spice in person changes my life forever probably. Yeah. Because I don't think we had access to people, like, hot, the hottest woman I was around was just like a pretty hot girl in Greek town. It was like my fucking friend's older cousin.

Right. And that woman was, again, celebrity starts with beauty. what if I see Ice Vice when I'm 12? I think I'd go crazy. I think actually maybe it was too much. Maybe she drove a couple children to insanity. Salute to her though. I can't, you know.

But then that's good because she's kind of like steering them away from the manosphere. True. Because they're like, well, I can't hate women too much. I can't even too much. They're so awesome. Is that the way we need to... I mean, I do think ultimately that is the path.

That is the path, which... This is a big part of this program. trying to get people to just channel horniness in a positive direction. And that's the thing, get so horny you see I spice that you pick up a craft. That you're like, I have, what could I do? I got to learn pottery. I got to learn, I got to be a woodworker. I got to learn, at least poetry.

Like, find your thing and be, yeah, maybe that's good. I need to start smithing something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, man. A work. A, uh, uh, uh, a jobs program, but with like really hot ladies. Wow. You get in cells to fucking like both respect.

understand that a hot woman knows more than you and can teach you stuff. If we send busty ladies to show insales how to fucking, how to become metal workers, how to become fucking, what is that shit called? Welding?

Yes, welders, yes. I think this is interesting. We'll put a pin in this. We'll settle this up. But anyway, that's just a little, what's going on with you overall? You're back from Europe. How are you living now?

How are you excited for our sprint? The nice weather has got me excited. Yeah. How are you film? Where are you in your life? What are you looking forward to? So allergy's crazy, right? That's tough.

I'm snorting Zyrtec. Like, I'm really trying to get through it. But I do love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so nice. Like, love the warm weather. Fucking with that. I feel like this summer in New York, crazy.

I think so, too. It's going to go crazy. There's something bubbling. Yeah, it's like everything that we built up over the winter. Yeah, because, yeah, Zoron, like, Zoron, like, the getting elected, it was cold. Yeah.

No one's... It was too cold to get head. Like, to like... To like... Because that would have been... If that happened, if the inaugurator, if he wins his like... If our elections are in the spring...

Oh my God. That would have been July? Baby boom. Oh my God. That's a fucking... There's a New York City baby boom, dude, happening for real. People...

Yeah, that would have been fucking awesome. Yeah, no. The Zeron Freakoff would have went crazy. Zoron Freakoff. Hell yeah, dude. And I do think we're due for some... That's like... like that's a lot of potential energy that's going to get paid off.

Definitely. You even felt it a little bit. If we had two more warm days this month, things would have gotten fucking crazy. I mean, 80 was crazy. Yeah. Tank tops in April was nice. And I know it is May now, folks. As you all know, it is mid-May, of course. We're just reminiscing about what happened a month ago.

We're just reminiscing about a cool week a month ago. Yeah. It was a great week. And you were, you were fucking, you were getting it in Europe. You're on tour now. We should say, go see Djibuki. He's got a couple dates. You don't know where exactly when.

Just figure it out, man. Go to the website. Go to the Instagram. Yeah. It'll be there. It'll be there. But you were doing the Euro tour, huh? Yeah.

That's nice. Where'd you go? Did you like? I loved it. Yeah. I went to London, Paris, Berlin, and then Dublin. Oh, that's a nice. Yeah, yeah.

That's a nice one. It was just going to be London and Paris and I was like, where else can I ride off of my taxes? Yeah. Where else can, yeah. It really is like, I think when John Marco was here, I was making fun of him for going to like India or he's just going he's doing stand-up where I'm like all right I mean I guess have fun you're just going on vacation yeah you're just seeing you're just seeing shit you want but those are some good those are the classics yeah and Berlin is like I don't know what

the man everyone who talks about it is I don't I can't place what it's like because you were saying it's like a fucking it's just bunch of New York transplants basically it was a lot of New York trans but then it was also a lot of Germans and um it was interesting yeah they um That was like the wokeest crowd I've ever performed for in my life. Yeah, yeah. That's like, that's the woke factory. Oh, 100%. Because it's like so, I mean, and everything, it's like it's so freaky.

Like the, everything about the clubs. Yeah. The culture being like, how many people go to like these insane clubs where wild shit is happening? A ton. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like that's what, that's like a huge industry in the city. And it's like getting, like, people are in like a dungeon, like, you know,

suck each other off while shitting or whatever. And then they're also like, whoa, whoa, whoa, don't be fucking, don't say that. That's kind of nuts. It's not even like necessarily that. It's like there's this American sensibility that we have where it's like everything's fucked up, but we love it. Right. And they're like, no.

Yeah. You actually shouldn't love that. It's not funny at all. I understand maybe like gallows humor you're trying to make the best of a situation, but you should fix that. Right. Right. They were not.

It's a pragmatism thing. Yeah, yeah. Where they're like, don't joke about that. Yeah. That's actually serious. You can solve that. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah, I don't, I don't, I have no, because it wasn't also like Berlin, like crazy.

That's, because everybody thinks that sort of like, the Nazis kind of like, that's what you think of Germany in your head. Where you're like, for me anyway, where you're like, oh, everything. Well, that's where Nazis come from. And before that, they were just extra strength Nazis. Wasn't Berlin like crazy, like chill? Oh my God. It was like they were just on way ahead of the curve. Weimar.

Which is kind of why this. Yeah. When he got reelected, when Trump got reelected, I was like, I need to figure out what happened last time. Yeah. Like what was really like actually going on? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just started reading a bunch about Weimar. I was like, okay, so that was just Bushwick.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So that was their cool. So yeah, basically we're just seeing what happened now is what started it. They just tried trans people in the 40s and then we got Hitler. And then they're like, all right, now that we're getting them going again, we got Hitler Jr. Is that really what it is? It's so interesting because I feel like people are always like, oh, like homosexuality or like gender deviance is always a sign of a falling empire.

But what I think is like the empire starts crumbling and people are like, what are the faggots up to? Yeah, yeah. Let's get in on this. I have ideas. Like, fuck it. Everything's falling apart. Like, fuck it. Bring it to cissies.

I don't know. Like, they're fun, they're having a good time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I don't know. Yeah. It was interesting, though. But Berlin is, like, a gigantic museum. It's like, you're not going to forget.

Interesting. All right. Maybe we'll fucking go. Yeah. I do want to go on a little fucking, a little just Euro tour. Because I always go to Greece. You know, my family's from Greece, so it's like, it kind of feels stupid to not go to Greece. I'm like, who gives a fuck about Germany?

Yeah. I want to go to the beach. Right. Like, I've never been to Greece. It's so crazy. That's fucking crazy, dude. It feels like there's so many different moments. Greece is the best.

Yeah. Because it's like everyone just does. I mean, I think what, and I think also getting back to why my psychology is like, like where I'm talking about I have, I'm friends with some horrible people. Greece is kind of like that where you're like, you can be with a literally evil person, right? Like some fucking, you're on some rich guys boat who's a piece of shit. But he's a good time. And he's not.

He's Greek or he's Greek. He's Greek. And he's not. everyone is always trying even if they like like I met people who I met like you know I met some like we're just

I'm up with some friends and they have like through friends of friends they're like connected to these like kind of like finance bro types and they were pumped to talk to Americans because they're like oh capitalists these guys are going to be fucking awesome

they're going to love and I start talking about how we don't have fucking health care and how despicable it is And they're like, what the fuck? Yeah. They're like, they're expecting me to be like, yeah, fuck, I love inequality. You guys should come over and fucking to steal some of the money from the poor from us.

But it is funny how like Greek, like European capitalists see Americans. They're like, nice, dude, the real deals here. And so they were pissed when I'm a social, when I'm talking about how no, social, like this is, your quality of life is better than America. And then America, what are you fucking idiots talking about? Right. They were mad.

And here, once conservatives find out you're a socialist, they're like, well, I don't want to be friends with you. You're, we destroy the world. There they're like, well, that's fucking gay that you think that. But let's get fucked up. Let's get fucked up and try and fuck some chicks and eat some fucking barbecue octopus. And that's the thing.

It's like, you can have a fundamental disagreement. Yeah. Like, and there's still be like, you're a bitch, but let's get, let's have a good time. Right. But you can still have fun. And you can still be like, you know, boy, you could actually still literally be friends and as long as nobody has actual power, that's fine. Right.

As long as you can't actually change the world, I do think like, I'm like, who cares if this fucking idiot thinks something stupid? I have friends who think like they can control the weather with their mind. I have friends who think they were abducted by fucking aliens. Like, I don't, I never stop them and I'm like, it's, it's problematic you think aliens are real. It's like, if you think something fucked up, it's like, I'll call you stupid. And then as long as you're not harming anyone, we can still smoke a job.

join on a boat. And I feel like maybe that's why Europeans can be more chill about it is because they all have this belief where it's like, I'm not going to ever really be the biggest person in the world or like, be a rock star. Well, it's a little more collective too. Yeah, yeah. And I also think they just have literally lived through civil wars. So true. They've literally lived, like, Greece fully had a fascist versus communist situation. Really? And, oh, dude, there was a 19, in, we're one of the, like, in what the CIA has fucked up montage, Greece is like a mind Because they didn't assassinate anybody

They just deposed We had a leader who wanted to socialize Who wanted to like nationalize our Not that we have the kind of energy That other places do But we just had a leader who wanted to kind of do What how they How the CIA assassinated

You know most famously and most Fucked up for our situation right now Mosadec in Iran When he was like oh Obviously we're nationalizing the oil The British and the fucking powers to be Don't get our oil And then they

You know deposed him We had a military takeover in 67, and we had a democratically elected socialist who was like, hey, America, like, you know, you guys are intervening when military takeovers happen. And they're like, oh, yeah, but like four fascists were intervening, not for fucking social. So it's like, my fucking dad, he claimed, like, this is like when people pretend to be cool. They're like, oh, yeah, I was domestic terrorist. Like my dad was like, yeah, I fucking, yeah, I set off bombs against the fascists.

I was cool. I don't believe him. Yeah. But it was like, you grew up being a fucking domestic terrorist or being a fucking bootlicker. Right. And they're happy to fucking be those identities in a fucked up way. And you still are in a society together in a weird way where it's like, so you just had like, so I think that's part of it.

They like, they did kill each other, like in Eastern Europe. And then you talk about fucking Yugoslavia, all that kind of shit. There were literally civil wars. And then they like got through them. Yeah. So they did the worst part of it. Like the thing we're worried about. They like fought in Japan.

They did it. Like, they actually had violence within each other where we're like, fuck, I hope it doesn't erupt in civil war. Right. They did it. So now they're like, well, we did it. It happens. I mean, I guess, yeah, it does have to happen at a certain point. Well, dude, I saw a really funny, fucking, uh, a really funny stat where it was like, no country over this BMI has ever had civil war.

And they're like, we're safe. Like, Americans too. We have to stop Ozemping right now. Fuck. We've got to get rid of it. The powers that be invented GOP ones to make us not fat so we could have a civil war.

The CIA invented GOP ones to create civil war. You heard it here first. We did it. We figured it out. Put it down the needle. You know what's so far? I literally believe that.

Because we didn't have a cure for being fat for so long and it's like, and they're like, all right. We got to get this going. Fuck, they hate each other But they're too fat to leave the house All right, we got...

All right, I guess we gotta get them less fast. That's genius, dude, we gotta look into that. I think that's what's that. But anyway, so it is, but... But that's, yeah, you'll have a... Basically, my point is just like, you will have an incredible... Because having a good time

is at the top of the societal, like, hierarchy, you will have an excellent time. Like, hanging out, is the, I think that's what's made, that's in the way that my culture has formed me, my, like, where, I'm, where my family's from, I think just being a guy that loves chilling

first and foremost has helped me. But I mean, I don't know, your family's Jamaican. Yes, that's also a huge. So I was gonna say, it must be the vibe, I really want to go to, I've never been to Jamaica, I really want to go. But it must be, the vibes must be like that where it seems like a great hangout,

like, just have a good time place. Huge, chillers. Yeah. Huge, huge, huge, huge. I love that. Also, wait, doesn't my name mean blowjob in Greek? Zimbuki. Okay.

Simbuki. Seam, with an M. It's, I guess the way I would spell it would be T-S. It's not a sound that exists in America. It's like a Z. It's like a S, J, J, J, T, J, T, J, S. It's like a T and an S and a J somehow. Okay.

Simbuki. So the Buki part. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Chebuki. And I'm fine with that. Yeah. It's a positive association. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think people would like to hear that, you know what I mean? I think you find some guys that are excited that your name rhymes. Like, you'd have a great time, is all I'm saying. Yeah, no, it's the fucking, it fucking rules. But you, did you go a lot? When did your parents came here, like, when? So, my dad came here, like, late 80s, I think. Okay, same.

And then... My mom came maybe like 89, 90, sometime around. Nice. All right. Hell yeah. And it seems from all your, from like the, from your material and everything that we're in a similar spot of like, the greatest immigrant mom of all time was like the sweetest person in the world that saved your life.

100%. And like a, and your dad seems a little worse. Just from like echo location. Not that we're making it a bad dad contest. We can. But I think you got, because I've always said my dad is like, he is the best bad dad.

Like when people have bad dads, I'm like, I'm happy I had my dad. But he is the worst good dad. Okay. That's kind of where my dad is. Interesting. He wasn't, you know, we didn't go hungry. Yeah, he had some anger problems.

Yeah, he yelled. He was like, the abuse was mostly not physical. Okay. So it was like a no bomb back, like sort of. And he's not like manipulative enough to really hurt your feelings. Okay, okay. So even like guilt, yes. But it's also like guilt from like a,

a guy who's not that good at pulling your strings. Right. It's just like, so you see the play. He just brute forces it. Or he just hits you over there with it over and over again. So it's like, you know,

at the end of the day, yeah, I have some psychological problems and I have some anger issues I have to get over now, but compared to some other stuff. Yeah. It's kind of,

but still, like even just seeing like an Instagram story with your mom, I'm like, that feels like she's connected. That feels like a variant of my mom. Seeing like a nice, smiling.

woman who still, at the same time, no, there are things you do that she hates, but she lets that go, you know what I mean? Like, my mom is, when my mom lets it, when I hear this, when she actually is real with me, and she does send me with us, so are you ever gonna fucking have a girlfriend?

Like, she's even gone, she's off of grandkids now. She's like, just date a nice girl. You know what I mean? Like, when she shows me her disappointment when it finally sticks in. Have you brought a girl home to her? Not since college. Like, and she loved my a college girlfriend.

And she met the last, like, really serious relationship I was in. She met her, but it was like, we were in the, it was so fucked up. We were in the process of breaking up. Like, we could both. Wait, when she met her? It's a really fucked up situation.

And it, like, all the legit, like, I do think there's a situation, sometimes I think back and I'm like, wow, the logistics of that relationship, I think if, like, one thing goes different, we don't break up. But it was like everything kind of, like, we were getting in a fight,

We actually were in Greece. And then I remember one time, we were trying to rent a movie. And to this day, I think, but we couldn't, it's like Greece and they have like weird. It's the hotel as like eight. They have like 20 options, right?

To this day, I think. And they were showing Mamma Mia at a movie theater, right? And I was like- Which they're just doing 365. Exactly. I mean, it's like tourists that are like, mama me. And so we missed it. And I was like, I'm sure we can get it in the room, right?

To this day, I think, if we had watched Mama Mia, I don't think we break up. Eventually we break up, probably. But I think the trip gets saved with the power of song. I really believe that. But what we did instead

was we had heard about, it was fucking, fuck, what's the, it's a good movie, but it was so not, it was sorry to bother you. Oh, yeah, yeah. Which is a great movie, but it's not. It's not an uplifting show. When you're fighting with your girl on vacation,

You don't want to think about, you know, you don't want like avant-garde communist cinema. Cinema is not going to be what fucking, what like, so we tried that, that didn't work. And then we watched Oceans 8. And that dead, none of the magic of Oceans 11. If we even got Oceans 11, maybe Oceans 11 wins us, buys us two weeks. Right, right. But my, to this day, sometimes I'm like, I bet you if we watch Mama Mia and sang some Abba, I really think we would have gotten.

at least a six-month extension on that relationship. So anyway, but so the last, and even, I mean, but even the, my ex and my mom met in a precarious, she loved her too. And she like kept, she would always be like, oh, I see she's doing this. Like, she's really cutely would be like, I watched, you know, her stuff.

And it was, you know, she's really talented. Like, my mom's a really beautiful, like she kind of likes my exes more than me on some ways. Because there, obviously she loved my, you know, how immigrant moms are. She would fucking kill somebody for me. But I just mean, I just think she likes when a nice put together woman.

She just, and my mom, all boys. I think you're the same. Three boys, right? I'm three boys. Where do you fall? I'm the oldest. Same. Oh, look at us.

You know. And, and I just think, like, she never got to scratch that edge with a girl. She never had a girl. I'm sure she wanted one. Right. We had a, my cousin, we didn't get to see as much. My only, on her side, the only girl.

We didn't get to see her as much as we wanted to. So I think there's like, I think that's what it is for her where she's like, she just wants so, like, you know. And she's great with both my sisters-in-law. Like they have, you know, my mom's the best mother-in-law You can fucking hope for. She's not a bit, you know, she doesn't have that classic. She has some.

But she just wants. She's being a little greedy. She's being, thank you. She's being, do you ever get that? Do you get the, like, what are your brother's situations? Are they? No. So my youngest brother, isn't dating?

anyone. My middle brother, like, sort of is, but it's like a long distance thing. Are you single right now? No, I'm seeing someone. Oh, you're seeing someone. Okay, nice. For a while? It's been like a few months. Okay. So you're, we're, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not jinx anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But not at the level where mom's getting involved, at least. Yes, yes, yes. I see, I see, I see. But yeah, that's the, the, the, the, that's That seems to be the like, and so they came, so they were already like married or what's the situation when they came over? Your mom, they're both Jamaican and met in America or how did it go?

They, um, so they were engaged to separate people. Oh, hell yeah. My dad had already had my sister. Okay. Who's like maybe 16, 17 years old. Okay. Like much older than me. That's fucking, he's like visiting Jamaica.

And I think he's married to my sister's mom. My mom is engaged to a pilot. Wow. Pilot. Yeah, right? I'm like, where is that guy now? Like, I want some free flights. Pilot in like the fucking, we're talking the 90s. It's pretty good.

That's nice as fuck. Pilot Jamaica 90s? Right? I don't know. Come on. What was your dad up to? What was his job? He might have still been working at a factory.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was back. My mom and my aunt were like being kind of messy. My aunt was like so like the wedding's coming up. Is there anyone that you would call off the wedding for? And my mom was like, I don't know. I mean, I guess if Condell like burst through the church doors. Like I would be like...

Oh, wow. Your mom's sitting there dreaming of a fucking interruption of an 80s movie styling. Speak now. She's dreaming of speaking out. Not I do. Speak now forever hold your peace is what she can't wait for. My aunt was like, oh, interesting. And then she goes to my dad and she's like, Norma said that she would call off the wall.

Wow. And then my dad goes over and is like, do you want to get married? And my mom was like, okay. And then my aunt lent her a dress and they got married at the church that day. And I did not know this until I was like 23 had just moved to New York and was like visiting my aunt in the Bronx. And she's just telling you this like it's a fun story. Yeah, she was just like, did your parents ever tell you like how everything happened? she was like, you know it was me.

Wow. She's like the oldest sister. Dude, that's fucking insane. So they had dated before or something? They grew up together. Oh, wow. They'd known each other since they were like single digit. Wow.

And so your dad went off, had a kid. Started a family. He's like, you know what? Rough draft. Rough draft. Let's get back. Let's get back to my roots. Who's the pretty girl I grew up with?

I remember growing up, like, my sister's mom used to be so shady to us. Like, whatever we would see her at things. And I'd be like, okay, whatever. Yeah, she's kind of a bitch. And now you're like, she's the most vindicated woman on earth. Of course. Yeah, I'm like... Imagine being this woman and having to see like three cute little boys.

And like, you know... Girl, let's get a drink. Like, let's... Like, let's dish. Like, let's just talk. Oh, wow. You should become friends with her now. That's a very...

Yeah, just two people. Your dad has... wrong. Oh, that's great. That's fucking crazy, dude. And you know what? That's beautiful because that's... The social media era

has cost us those out of the blue insane moves. Oh, my God. Because your mom, now, today, they're liking each other's stories. They're occasionally cheating on their spouse. You know what I mean?

They're occasionally hooking up. They have a messy situation. This is the first time that I think situation. is a real thing. Before I was just like, oh, that's just dating. Yeah.

But it is a type of sort of your quasi, it's like quasi real, quasi not. Yeah. It exists online. It exists. Like most situations, if you take dating or if you take social media way, don't exist.

Because I think there's a life, in my, the way I look at it is like that, the lifeblood of a situation ship is like, on a random day when you haven't even thought about this person at all, does one Instagram story lead to them being in your life for two months again. You know what I mean?

Yeah. It's like, it's like, it's like, it's not someone that you actually truly give a fuck about. It's just that you're

constantly reminded of them because of, you know, how you don't really exist outside of the internet anymore, really? Or like you, people mainly exist on the internet. Back then,

your mom's just thinking about him. It's building up. Right. Your aunt senses it. She says some wild shit, like being kind of a, and then like you get these explosive out of the blue,

like, betrayals, which we don't get anymore. No, because it's also like, you can come to terms with being a villain to like your immediate surroundings. Yeah. But now that's going to go on TikTok. Yeah. You're like that would be like you'd be the main character for the week.

No, no. You're right in that now. Everyone has to have PR campaigns. Back then it's like your dad wanted to fucking just marry your mom and he's like, I'm doing it. And then I'm fucking moving. Then I'm going to a different car. Then even if people could.

to get annoyed, I'm leaving the country. Right, right. And you never have to think about the evil you do ever again. That's another thing. Social media has forced us to see our mistakes forever. Over and over. As opposed to being able to just be like,

you know what, I'm a different guy now. Yeah. And I think we should be able, like, I think the fact that you used to be able to take a car, a horse to a different town 30 miles away and say your name is now Jonathan and that you're a fucking classics professor.

Right. And everyone would be like, And, yeah, I'll be teaching Latin here. And just pretend you're a Latin professor in Montana. Right. And then you could live like that for 20 years. I think that's good that we were able to get unlimited fresh starts. Same.

Because people could just be like, you know what? I don't really want to be a piece of shit anymore. I want to be a learned gentleman. I'm not going to college. I'm just going to buy a stovetop hat. A little bowtie. Yeah, I want to buy a bowtie in a vest and tell people I went from, you know, I'm a lettered man. But that's, yeah, this is an old school thing that you let the feelings build up and you never have to actually deal with a social backlash.

And I think we need to be less connected so we can do more fucked up shit that makes us happy. Yes. Ultimately. Ultimately. Yes. Ultimately. Because now I think people, people really do think like everyone is a fucking, everyone is a fucking executive and everyone is a PR, everyone is a publicist. Mm-hmm.

No one is just a person. Yeah. And your parents were the definition of messy people who were like, I just want to do this more than anything. I know it's going to fuck everything up, but I don't care. I'm just doing it. I'm just doing it. I'm leaving.

That's fucking crazy, dude. That's fucking nuts. Yeah. And so they get married in Jamaica. And then your dad comes over here first, you said? So he was already here. Oh, he was already here. Yeah, he was just like there visiting for a little bit.

Oh, wow. Which then makes it even more chaotic. That's even more. That's even crazy. That'll happen with Greek people too where, uh, so like I know a lot of kids, my generation where their dad is some fresh off the boat Greek guy

who fucked their mom when she was on vacation and just got, and you know, they're not, they don't know about, uh, they don't know about the pullout method yet. So we got a couple like, a couple people who were like conceived on vacation in Greece.

Yeah. Greek American girls go over, you know, visit their cousins in the mountains. Fuck some mountain. and get pregnant, they're like, well, guess you're coming to America now. That happens quite a bit.

And they just bring him. Just bring him. Why? Just because of like traditional. Like, well, we're going to raid this. Well, yeah. It's like, it's kind of traditional. It's like, you know, because if we're talking about people my age,

then our parents were talking about, you know, people who are this, this shit's happening like the late 70s through the 80s type shit. So they're still kind of traditional. And it is a, for all, for how party and fun it is, it still is in weird ways a conservative culture. Okay. Even though it's very open-minded, it's like with traditions,

like, for example, it's just the kind of thing where it's conservative in that, no one really believes in God or talks about the gospel's message or anything like that, but you have to go to church. Okay. You know what I mean? It's like that kind of thing where it's like,

you just kind of have to do it. We don't really believe. And probably each generation is getting less and less. But I guess so it's about traditions are very important. Right. And I also think they have that thing that a lot of immigrants, I don't know if Jamaicans are the same way

where it's like, we really want you to end up with a Greek girl. It'll be fine if you don't. And neither my brothers did. And nobody ultimately gives a fuck. And it's not like anybody looks down on them. But if I came home with a Greek girl, they would be a static.

Fucking pumped. Yeah. Pumped. So I think that was part of it where even to this day, sometimes like Greek people will just tell me, just go to Greece and find a wife. Lily, just be like, go to fun Greece, find a fucking village girl, like, bring her back.

Like, that's still viable for certain, like, Greek town is still a, they basically, a bunch of Greek people created a village in a shitty neighborhood in Baltimore. Uh-huh. And they all kind of, it still has, it still stays a little traditional in that

they're so connected to their version of what Greece is. So, I don't know. Number one Greek town in America? No, no. We're probably, we're probably pretty low. I would say a story is pretty big. Oh, true, true.

Detroit, I don't know if there's that many Greeks left, but they had the big diner culture. Chicago actually is a really big Greek town. So many amazing Greek dinners in Chicago. I thought that every diner was Greek until like I got to New York. A lot of them are, though. That's the thing. It's like, if a place doesn't have good diners,

that means there's no Greek people there. That's crazy. We really do diners and just shitty eateries well. Did your parents go straight to Chicago? Because you grew up in Chicago, right? My one uncle Hopewell. Jamaica's crush names, by the way. Hopewell as a name.

That's not even a phrase. Yes, they have like, no, exactly. Let alone a name. Exactly. Like, they get like the British, like, sounding whimsy. But then also like the black creativity. That's a great way to put it. It's so good.

Maybe that's what's confused me so much. I'm like, why am I enjoying something that is British coded? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he was already there. And then my dad came and, like, joined him there. Yeah, yeah. And they, I think my uncle was like a barber or something. My dad was like, yeah, we'll do this.

Oh, no, my dad had been doing that. He started, like, cutting hair when he was 12. He dropped out of school and started cutting hair. Wow. Really? Yeah. Cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my dad dropped out.

And he was like an apprentice woodworker at, like, literally me, he dropped out of middle school. Really? So a similar thing where he was just like, oh, I guess I'll just pick this. And just never thought about it again. Really? Was a woodworker? Was like, yeah, I'm good.

And he is good at it. But still, it's crazy how just people just like, yeah, this is my job now, whatever. Now we're like, fuck. Everyone's like rat. They're like, fuck, what should I do? My dad just, I'll just get a job that's fine and just, I'll work. And then I'll fucking get fucked up with my friends and play soccer and try and fuck tourists. Simple, nice life.

And he still is a woodworker. Still as a woodworker. No retirement plan. I'm still like, so how long are you doing that? you're like not in great shape, bro. What does he do? He's, dude,

he's an incredibly talented, like whatever you want to do. Really? Oh, he'll just build, oh, dude, he's,

yeah, his stuff's been like architectural digest. Holy shit. He's built, like, he's built stuff for like super, yeah, like super rich people have like,

he's made, he'll make bespoke anything you want. Whoa. He's so fucking talented. But he's just, and there is a path where he should just become like an Etsy store and make like,

and just make like, mark up shit. Like he could make like a fucking coffee table. Yeah. And he could just find design. He could just do dupe. He could just make doaps out of wood. Whoa.

And he would make so much fucking money. Yeah. And I did. There was a period of my life where I was like, hey dude, once I graduated, or dropped out of college essentially, once I fake graduated college.

I caught that as graduating. They let me walk. Like you self-gradated. Dude, they let me put the cap on. Okay, so you did. I graduated. Yeah. I pictured me with the cap and gown.

You fucking did. I graduated. You know what I mean? But I was like, oh, I'll, because I didn't want to get a job, because I knew I wanted to do comedy, and I was like, 21, and I was like, look, I can work here. I'll make you a website. I'll market the fucking, like, I was really like,

we can actually have, the thing he always was like, why don't you ever want to work with me? And I called this bluff, and it was like, nah, I'm good. He just didn't want to do it. He was like, I don't want to fucking do all that shit. And I think he didn't want the oversight. I think he was up to, he was up to some, let's just say

Jamaican style monogamy activities Greeks and Jamaicans have that in common the culture of the flexible monogamy

with regards to the man you know it's like I think he kind of his workshop was his was base of his social operations

because he had like a huge wood shop with a little office and shit where I think he there was a futon in there it's like what I need to

three top four pops. You know what I mean? You're not napping. Why is there a box of wine? Why is there a franzia in your mini fridge next to the brisk ice teas that you're paying day labor day. That you're like, it's so fucking anyway. But I always did think about like, fuck, I wish he just is so fucking talented.

But, you know. And I even was just like, dude, you should convert the garage into a small workshop and just fucking make little shit. but he just is addicted to his way of, you know, whatever. But I'm trying to, I am trying to reconnect with my dad right now. And it's good. It's like, you know, just kind of an interesting

Right. You know, I, because, you know, at the end of day, it's your dad. And I don't know if you've gotten to the point of being like, just having, you know, just empathy for your parents where you're like, your lives were fucked. Yeah. You shouldn't have, you shouldn't have had this much responsibility.

Right. You didn't know what the fuck you were doing. And I also just think about, like, me just upping and going somewhere. Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. I can barely do the paperwork required to be an American. Right, right, right, right.

Even this, I'm already like, this is too much. Yeah. So like... You're in a completely different country and you know what I mean? Like you at their age starting the fuck over? Right. I mean, I'm like approaching the age that they were when they had me and I'm like, I don't know how the fuck you guys did that.

Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. No, that makes a lot of sense. So, okay, so they come over here and you're like... So where... What's the... So you clearly...

Are you, do you have a good relationship with your dad? How's it going now? No, not at all. It is non-existent. No, it doesn't exist. Does he still, did your parents split up? No, they're still together. Oh, that's fucking.

That's so fucking funny. Yeah. Yeah, you're kind of, it's so funny how you're mirroring. Because there was like, when my parents were still together, there were years where I didn't speak to my dad, but talk to my mom. And it was just so weird. Yeah. So weird.

Yeah. It's like, when like, when like, your friend from college, you don't like their roommate. and you're like, is Frank going to be there? Last time you said he wasn't going to be there and I showed up and you made me fucking have lunch with him. Exactly. Exactly. And I do have those conversations.

I do 100% have those conversations. Yeah, where I'm like back in Chicago, she's like, do you want to come over? I'm like, is he there? Yeah, yeah. Who's there? Yeah. So who's all going to do that?

Who's all hanging out right now? I know. When you got to the point where I just be like, is he there or not, man. Just fucking stop trying to trick me. Right? I know. Why are you doing this? Because like, what do you think is going to happen?

Yeah. Like, both people are going to be like, oh, awesome. We've just complete, both of us became completely different people. Just the last time you tried this four months ago. Like, do you think that's what's going to happen? Do you think I'm straight? And now when he's not a fucking asshole. I'm always like, I'm like, I'm like, you're leaning too much on your contributions to me.

Like, there's also half of him in here. Yeah. So like. That's a great way to. That's so funny. That is so fucking hilarious, dude. Oh, so they stayed, I would have assumed they just kind of, you know. Well, like, they-

Is it the immigrant staying together? It's that, and then they've known each other for, like, 60 years. Wow. You just, like, are not gonna, like, switch that up. Yeah, they probably have a good thing. They got a good thing going. Right, like. Yeah.

And even if they don't, it's like an inexplicable thing going. You know what I mean? It's like, you created a, yeah, oh, I don't even know. Established. Exactly. It's so established and it's like so familiar. I do the same thing. Yeah. I would.

Yeah. Are you thinking about that? You think about just staying in a toxic marriage for 40 years? I feel like five decades in. Yeah. I am actually. I think I would, yeah, I guess I just would never get to that point. Yeah.

That's the thing that is very shocking about like, I don't know what it was about why so many people just kind of, I guess people just didn't dream to think about anything better. Is it that simple? Is it just like, oh, you know, you fucking get married and then you fucking... Well, I feel like our generation is the first to like seriously take time and be like, am I enjoying my life? Yeah, to even have that as a true thought. Yeah.

Other than when you're on like a weekend trip. Like people would only let that sneak through when they're getting fucked. That's why there's that whole thing of like, oh, when you're drunk, you say the craziest stuff. It's because no one was ever honest with themselves. So they just like gave, they gave themselves. that window of like, I'm drunk. I hate everything about my life fundamentally. Ha ha ha ha ha.

And then you're hung over the next thing. You're like, whoa, that was a crazy night. I said some stuff I didn't mean. Anyway, back to the fucking office and my wife who hates me. I think you're right. This is kind of the first time that that's even a thing. Yeah, like everyone before us was very plot first. Where it's like I'm just getting to the next point.

Yeah. And life is just a series of. checkpoints. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And now,

and it's a combination of we have the most time and also the least resources as a generation where it's like we can't even have. A lot of people who probably would just fucking, oh, get married and have a fucking,

like they can't even, I mean, they're having kids, they can't afford them or whatever, but they can't afford a house. They can't afford it. So people are like, all right,

it kind of forces you to become like an island nation with a bad economy and just be like, having a good time. When it's like Greece or Jamaica, millennials have to live like Greeks and Jamaicans. We were born for this.

Yeah. Really? We were. We were so ready for this. Dude, when I went to Greece in the middle of the economic crisis, everyone was pissed, but they were still getting fucked up and having a good time. It was crazy how much better the vibes were in Greece.

When everyone's pensions are getting slashed, no one can, people literally 18 through 40 can't find jobs. And everyone's like, they're like, they act like how like we would act if like it, like, you know, if it rained for three days in a row. Like they were like, they had the cut. They were like, as a nation, they were mad the way we'd be mad about bad weather. And it's like, that's fucking awesome, dude. Oh, that's sick.

I wish that for us. Yeah, I mean, it's possible. I do sometimes think about just going back, baby. I think about a Greek, a Greek retirement. That would be really nice. Did you go a lot? Did you go to Jamaica a lot or no? So I went when I was five.

And then, like, when my third brother was born, it was like we were two broke for all that. So we didn't go back until I was 25 and I took my mom and my brothers. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. And then I went back again a few more times after that. And I'm kind of overdue. I want to go again. Yeah, dude, for sure.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's that thing. I found this thing where I'm like, oh, I love this place with Greece. I used to, you have a complicated relationship just because you have all your family baggage. But then when you realize, like, oh, I can just come here by myself. I can just have a good ass time on the beach and fucking, you know, whatever. You have a bunch of family there still

or no? A lot of family, yeah. Yeah, yeah. One of my uncles has like 40 kids. I'm not exactly. Respect. Respect. Real bad man. Real rude boy.

And the rude boy of the year goes to it. Goes to Hopewell Goz To Choncy Hopewell Livingston the third Oh my fucking God

That's fucking awesome Dude fuck I got to check it out I got it I do want to go to the crew I just never I think I went to Jamaica on like a fucking senior trip and I got sun poisoning. And it was and it was like, and like the least famous road rules,

like the celebrity guest was like some guy who was on real world. And he was just like a grown man trying to fuck teenagers. It was like, it was the most disgusting trip I've ever been on. But, you know, I'm not going to fault Jamaica for a weird teen, a teen resort thing where I saved all my money working at a telemarketing firm so that I could go. I was like, I'm going to get pussy in Jamaica. It's going to be awesome. And then I just got sun poison.

while everybody else did get pussy It's actually still The way I think about Mamma Mia And how different my life is If we get Mama Mia on that vacation with my ex Sometimes I think What if I didn't get sun poisoning Because literally that night

That night would have been the night To change my life Right I would have been I would have gotten I would have gotten some head At 18 Instead of in college

You know I think it would have solved everything That would have really set you off I really think so I think it would have made me a less a person who cares about because there is the like you just have to come to grips

as an adult as a straight adult man who's as a recovering in cell right? When you, this struggle is to be like look man no matter what you do you're never going to go back in time and get pussy at 16.

So just stop. You can fuck as many girls at 30 in your 30s as you want it's never going to make you cool in high school. Right. But sometimes I do think like what if I just,

And not even, it's not like I wasn't cool. It's just like, I just couldn't get over the like, you know, just like, I just, I want, I just was so, I just felt like such an inadequate loser that I think you spent a lot of your years trying to prove you're actually cool. And then it's like, what are you really getting out of this? You know what I mean? Like, so sometimes I think like, what if I had, but what if I had just, what if I never able to think about that?

And I got the fuck. And I've said this story before on the podcast, but all of my friends hooked up with somebody, and there was one chubby girl that nobody fucked. And I was like, it's cartoon rules. Everybody gets the one. Alvin, the Chipmunks' girlfriends

just looked like girl versions of them. There was like some like kind of like, and she was, it was like, it was hysterical. I was like, fuck, that literally is like if you would draw my cartoon girlfriend, it's like a fucking tan girl with big titty. And a little, uh, I still think

about her sometimes. Just a random girl. Wait, so you never did. I never did. The next day, they just, like, showed me pictures. They were like, dude, check it out. They had, like, group picks with everybody. And they were like, dude, check out this girl. There's nobody to fuck her.

You could have fucked her. And I literally have thought about that girl forever. Whoa. It's just like a girl. I think I made... Where does she? Lord knows. I have no way of figuring this out.

Probably... It's probably not looking too good, if we're being honest. For sure. I look like this and I'm rich. What do you think she fucking looks like? What do you think my fucking Baltimore class? It wasn't, it was a different school. It wasn't our school.

Okay. But yeah, no, I'm not. I'm doing better. I'm in a different situation now. Do you feel like you still would have done comedy? I think I ultimately would have done comedy. But sometimes I'm like, would I have just been like a fucking, like the most fun lawyer in Baltimore? You know what I mean?

Like, would I have been the like, because I also tried to do like, were you, were you, were you, did you try and do anything before? Were you, I mean, you were really young. I feel like you were getting shit going really young. I started doing stand-up when I was 19. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I wanted to be a lawyer for a long time. And then I took AP English and AP US my junior year. And I was like, okay, if this makes me want to kill myself, no.

What am I going to do in law school? And then I was like, let's start rethinking that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, that, like, funniest lawyer that really speaks to me. I really think you see it. Do you ever see, like, Claude? did stand-up comedians out where you're like... By the way, they're happy.

Yeah. That's how life should be. Yeah. We have turned what should be the mirth you give your friends and family. We've commodified it. I really think it's a problem. I really do.

My whole life is fucked up. And I'm stuck. I can't change now. But I really think you're better off. Like, even joy. Truly what stand-up is. It's just like cracking up your friends. Podcast.

I mean, we're not even doing stand-up anymore. We're like, the economy is run on podcast, which is just having a pleasant convo with your friends and making each other laugh. Why aren't we just do it? Why are there mics here, Djibuki? Why aren't we outside having fucking coffee and talking about our dads

and not pulling any punches because the cameras are here? But we have made it so our careers depend on this. Right, right. And sometimes I think, like, yeah, I was so much happier when I wanted to get laughs because I'm pouring that energy into my community. You know what I mean? Like, I'm pouring that into making everybody

happy. I'm looking to make people laugh. Yeah. And yeah, I'm scratching my selfish itch. But at the same time, it's mutually beneficial. Yeah. And now, obviously there's very bad versions of that. Right. When I got, the guy who can't stop riffing, tough guy.

There's, yeah, they exist, but what are you going to do? The best case scenario is the guy who can't stop riffing knows he's bombing, but it's so compulsive for him that he has to keep going. And then it like kind of loops back around to be funny again. Yeah, yeah. Like, stop. Yeah. You can just be like, like, dude, we got it, and he can't help himself.

Those are funny guys. Yeah. But that's really the only time I can accept it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When it is like a type of Tourette's. When it's when it just is a type of Tourette's. Yeah, Rift Tourette's. Yeah, Rift Tourette's is bad. Yeah, I don't know, dude. I do, I do think my life would have gone in a different in a different direction, but I don't know.

Do you ever feel that, is there any kind of like, where do you, like, you know, were you always like creative growing up? Were you like, did you want to do shit like this? Were you into, what were you? what were you into at all? Because for me, it really was kind of, it is kind of sad how one note I am

where it's like I was a comedy nerd, all I thought about was stand up, I've dedicated my life to it. And it, all the time growing up, I was like, this is a huge advantage. And I do think it was in terms of doing what I love. But it's a disadvantage in that the rest of my life is kind of not as developed

because I poured everything into that. So I don't know, how did you find? Because again, you do, yeah, you started doing it when you're 19. And now, I mean, I started when I was 19, but for 10 years, no one cared about me. And you started when you were 19 and you did the Tonight Show in like, you know, nine months. So we have different, and that's not me sharing on you. Even when we met, you know, like, I always thought you were funny.

Because, you know, dude, when a 19-year-old starts getting stuff, you know open micers are trashing them. Oh, my God. But I was a defender because I was just like, this kid's funny, dude. It was like, yeah. Stand-up comedians are the most hateful people on earth. Well, because it's like there's no. Like, I actually, we might have met at Sydney and Marie's show in that hookabar. Do you remember that?

Whoa. This was like 10 years ago. Yeah. The fucking karma? Karma lounge? The karma lounge? I think it was karma lounge. Oh my God.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it was Sydney and Marie's show. Yeah. And because I think, because you were big on Twitter. Yeah. And everyone did. And by the way, when we, when I watched you, I was like, let's see how I feel about him. Because I wasn't going in hating.

But part of me was hoping you'd bomb. Of course. So I could hate you. So I could join in and be like this fucking industry plan piece of shit. You know what I mean? Like don't get me wrong. I was looking to hate you. But I was just like, but I would, but I at least was like, all right.

But I did this, again, pathetically being like stand up, being funny matters more than anything. It's a pathetic code to have. But it is my code and there's nothing I can do about it. And I still kind of stand by that. I do too. But then I also do think I'm like there is something to being likable. Totally. And there is something to just being.

crowd pleaser for sure. But that's also part of it. Yeah. Like the fact that we're pretending that's not all part of it. Right. It's like, yeah, when I was coming up, I hated energetic great performers because I was a fat writer who just, was just like, had like a, I had to get through my 15 jokes in order. Right.

And then I realized like, no, don't hate, like learn from them. Yeah, they're not good writers. Fine. You're not a good performer. Fucking do both. Like the goal is to do. And also to find. what's worthwhile in everybody's like style.

Because I think when you start stand up, at least for me, you really just care about, you just want to be, you like the people who are exactly like you or who you've modeled yourself around. And then the more you get into it, you're like, no, I like,

you realize like, oh no, I'm actually tired of, I want to be the best version of me. So I actually want to destroy everyone who's like me. And I need, and then I want to make friends with the best versions of whoever they are. Yes. You know what I mean? And so I do think there's a shift that happens at, you know, for me it was like literally 12 years into stand-up.

But anyway, so the point is, you're very good at getting me to just fucking not follow up on a question by asking me something. Feeding into my ego with good questions. Well, also to feed into your ego, I feel like I love in the same way that you're like, I love watching people and being like, what is the thing that they're really great at. You are so like embodied on stage. I appreciate that. Thank you. Really. And I feel like that's why.

you like anytime you do crowd work it's so lived in and it's so I really appreciate that yes yes yes yes yes it's so impressive thank you man that's my my true goal like all I've tried to do with stand-up is feet like my what I'm trying to get to is be the exact same guy on and off well that's my that's been my like north star with stand-up where it's like I want there to be no difference like I want to be and actually you think what's going to be hard is to be as comfortable. The hard part is to be as comfortable off stage. On stage is easy.

Yeah, that's actually so true. You know everything you're going to say? Yeah. Yeah. And it's like kind of melding, gaining the, the, but I appreciate that because like I do, I do think that's, that's what I'm chasing. That's what I'm just like, because I think at the end of the day, the superpower of standup is authenticity.

There's a thousand better mediums. There's a, every medium is more artistically worthwhile. But you can, the thing we can do that other people can't do is truly open up and in the room, in the moment, actually be a person you're connecting to, not create a piece of art that later gets interacted with that you hope some of that comes through. And it's still very hard for stand-up because it's very easy to be artificial and to just only chase the laugh or whatever. And it's hard to sometimes, and sometimes it goes the other way where sometimes I think some of these specials are too, self-referential, whatever, or two about the performer or not about giving a good performance.

Right. That can happen too. But I don't know. I do think my main thing is always trying to be like, can I just be exactly the same guy? I feel like you do a great job. Thank you. I appreciate that.

And you did it again. In the middle of me telling you, you're doing a good job of fucking not making me ask you questions. Everyone's always like Stavt talks too much. This episode is they're going to be like, cool Jabuki fucking interviewed Stav. I mean, like, you've talked like, you're getting me, dude. But, yeah, I guess the question was just, like, going back to that, like, yeah, what did you ever, what did you even see for yourself?

Because I do feel like shit started going well for you so fast that you never even had to think about what do I do if this doesn't work. No. You know? No. I, um, I was a comedy nerd from like eight years old. Like, I would watch the Comedy Central Presents, memorize jokes and then go to school or before school. I would, like, try to. slip jokes in a conversation.

Yeah. Yeah. People would laugh. I would like, like, I could watch Family Guy and so many other kids could not. So I would like, like, watch Family Guy, memorize the plot of Family Guy and then be like, okay, so Meg is doing this. But then Brian does this. And then Brian is like, like, like, and I would just recite Family Guy plots.

I was just like obsessed with. We had a South Park kid like that. Really? When we couldn't get to South Park. Yeah. He told me what happened in South Park. Park. Eldis actually was that for me because his fucking parents let him watch whatever the fuck. Yeah, they didn't give a fuck. His parents were like, we survived. We fucking fled. We were,

we were targets of the communist government in Albania. We don't care if he sees tits on TV. So Eldis was kind of my entry. My mom was very overprotective, but his parents, I could watch whatever at his house. Yeah, I remember one time I was in my mom's room with her and I was just like watching South Park on her bed on the TV in there. And my landlord is just like swings by saying, hi, he's chatting with her. She's like doing her hair in the mirror. Yeah, I was like nine years old, like young as fuck. She's just like doing her hair in the mirror and like chatting with him.

And then he was, he kept like looking over at me. He was like, you know, he really shouldn't be watching that. And my mom either like didn't understand or didn't care. Didn't like pick up the nuance of like his concern for a little child watching South Park. He said it a couple more times as she like kept talking. And I was like, shut the fuck up. Let me be over here. Yeah.

That's so funny. One time he also snitched on me because I was like just watching Titanic when he like came by it. It's just like roses tints around. I was just like and he like did tell my parents about that. I was like,

what the fuck? What a fucking gnarc. I know. That's, eldest was big on kill all landlords. Eldis was a fucking, eldest was a fucking Maoist before he knew it. because the landlord trying to stop him from looking at tits.

Yeah. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah, dude, that's fucking. So you just had that going and then, you know, that's fun though. So I guess that kind of, that probably is probably happening to you now where you're like, what the fuck do I even want my life to look like? Yeah. I thought that like now would be the time where it'd be like, okay, maybe like by 30 I'll start

getting like, you know, acting roles. Maybe I'll get my first writing job or something. Right, right, right. Yeah, so I don't know. Yeah. I'm just like my goal. was I want to be able to make a living doing comedy. Yeah, dude. And I did that.

Same. Yeah. Where I was like, I hope I can make $70 grand a year. Working the shittiest clubs in America. That was all I ever hoped for. So it is like, yeah, now you're like now you have to ascribe meaning to your life where you're like, oh, success doesn't make you happy.

Well, it was... It doesn't, really doesn't. It wasn't until I learned about like the alt comedy Brooklyn scene in like the early 2010s, mid-2010s. where I was like, oh, so I could for real do this. If we're doing this like liberal arts educated.

Clause of Jamaican in Chicago. Here's about, here's about alt comedy. Here's about the fucking American apparel hoodie. Hoodie era of comedy. Oh, you must have been fucking salivating. I was so fucking ready to go to Brooklyn. I was so fucking ready.

And it was so funny because by the time I got here, I think you left immediately. Did you move to L.A.? Yeah, I was here for like a year. I was here at that show. Oh, that kid's cool, actually. And then by the time I even knew it, you were like in L.A. already. But you're here now, baby.

Hey. Why don't we try and ascribe some meaning into our dull lives, into our meaningless existence by helping our callers? What do you say? What do you say, Djibuki? I love these clips on. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's get in there.

And in the meantime, go see Djibuki on tour. We'll post this stuff. We're reminding you here. Go check them out. Follow them on Instagram, all that stuff. hit us with a call here LD Hey Stavs Hey Aldous

Hello gorgeous guests I have a situation here I'm curious to get your opinion on So recently I was talking to this guy On Grindr Talking about coming over To give him some head

Nice He sends me a dickpick I am down He won't send me a safe picture He says he's down low And attached So Straight married

Cheating on his wife Sure Not in your business Kind of fucked up with me But I'm still down A.k.a. none of your fucking business. Getting the Ultima and suck his dick and shut the fuck up. So he does kind of address this point here.

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Obviously, kind of fucked up with me, but I'm still down. I ended up getting a safe picture out of him. My moral justification for this is that he's got to explore his queer side. It's something he's not getting out of his marriage. He's going to be doing it with someone else if it's right. Right. also I'm just really horny

and, you know, making just for it. So I go over there to his house. And we all know, by the way, it's really hard to find people to blow anonymously that aren't married. Oh, wow, you would have to do

this two more times. The other thing, too, is people will say that and they're lying. They're chopped. And they're trying, and they're trying to do, like, they're trying to paint a picture and a narrative so they could, like, boost what really is not that sum of it. makes sense.

100% like, oh, that's genius mark, you want to talk about genius marketing

call back to when the cameras weren't rolling. Like, why are they fucking they're laughing at that? Fuck you guys,

sorry. But no, you want to talk about genius market? If you have a bad product, now you can say, if I show this guy

in my face, I might not get head. But if I tell him, uh, sorry, I'm, you know, I'm figuring stuff out,

you know, my wife, whatever. And he gets there and I'm ugly. he's already there. If you're there, you're going to suck his day and be like, goddain, that's what's cool about gay guys.

Well, and the other thing, too, is like, it's social proof. It's like, well, she thought he was hot enough to marry him. So, like, I mean, I guess, like, he has a family. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He has some value. He has some societal value. That's really funny that these guys lie about that. Okay, interesting.

Is there more to this, eldest? She's acting super weird. I kind of want to leave right off. about. Honestly, he's kind of freaking out. He's like, you might have to leave out the back door if we hear the, if we hear the car come up the driveway. And his, his dog is super cute. I'm like, damn, this is where he lives with his wife and his dog. Oh, you're in the house?

I don't leave, though. I'm like, I already said I would come here and do this. I'm already here. Let's do it. So we're getting into it. I'm stuck in his dick. Nice. I look over to the living room and I see a photo of him and his partner in a frame on the living room table and it's a man. What did I say? What did I fucking say? I called this shit.

I knew it. And when he said his dog was there, I was like, I bet it's a fucking Jack Russell Terrier. I bet I know what the fuck. Like, I do it. I do it. I do it. I do it.

Hey, hey, come on. Gay men can still cheat. Let's not get so woke that we're homophobic. All right? No, I bet the husband. It's possible for gay men to cheat. It's rare. It's rare.

This guy is the one gay guy in America in a non-open marriage. But maybe that's what's... Maybe you can be a traditional gay scumbang, you know? It's not just for straight guys. That's really fucking funny. I really think that the husband was in the closet, like, jerking off watching me and tired of him. He's like, he's asking for my face. Tell him you're married to a girl.

His husband's like, no, no, no, no, no. We don't want this. It's really just like the guy, like, works at Palantir. and is afraid of his nudes getting out or something like that. I bet you there's so much more of that going to start happening. People lying about being ICE and Palantir and all this shit. I hope so anyway. Fuck the.

All those people should, I won't say what should happen to people that work for ice and Palantir, but something should happen to them. Let's keep going, Elders. She's gay married. She's not straight married. I immediately feel sick to my stomach. Is awesome.

Sick to my stomach. I don't leave even that. I still finish. Oh, my God. I'm sick to my stomach. I don't leave even that. I still finish what I'm doing. And your midst of the suck job.

I leave feeling like a big piece of shit. Just feeling gross about myself. So I guess I'm wondering, am I, am I stupid for thinking that there's a difference between, like, their moral gray area between the gay cheating and the, straight cheating. This is awesome. Because I left there being like, why

you know, why did I feel so much worse knowing that he was actually married to a man? I'm not a way. It's still cheating at the end of the day. Anyways, let me know what you're saying. This is awesome. This is an awesome philosophical

quandary. Oh my God. Okay, okay, okay. I have a couple. Do you have anything you want to jump in on? Okay. This is so psychologically rich. It's so rich. So first of all, let's start with this. The whole, well, maybe he's finding himself. Let's throw that out the fucking, you know.

You know that's bullshit. So let's just take it from, you know, you. There's no, the difference here isn't going to be that you're maybe helping a closeted man figure his shit out. This was not a, this guy has a system. Even if this is a guy, he's on grinder. Yeah. He's no, he's saying, he's saying, he's using gay. link like hookup app link this is not his first maybe if you met a shy guy and like you had a

weird like kind of thing at the office and he showed some interest and you had like a kind of cute you suck him he's he's like he busts so fast like this guy's gay maybe maybe you could say in a if it comes up kind of naturally without meaning to sort of like romantic comedy style maybe you have a leg to stand on there and he's never done anything you know whatever and he's really experimenting, maybe. But other than that, I don't think so. So now we're just discussing, why does it make you feel worse that you...

Now, maybe is it, you know, is this... Maybe are you a misogynist? Were you happy to make a woman feel bad, but didn't want to make another gay guy feel bad? That's one angle. That's one possible angle. Other than that, is it that you don't feel as special, that you don't feel like,

He was like, well, he fucking, he gets sucked by guys all the time. He gets sucked by his husband. Right, right. Like, when you're like, when you're the like, oh, you're the object of his uncontrollable sexual passion that he's risking his. And you know what? This is sort of like, the other angle is you are destroying traditional values by sucking a married guy's dick. You are actually harming the patriarchy and the like in a way where like tangibly score one for the gay guys when you suck off a married straight guy, right?

That maybe that's it. Maybe you're like, what the fuck? We didn't even get a point. We didn't even get a point on straight people now. You're just, now you're just a side bitch. And you have your usual standards. Ooh, your usual standards, you've let this guy the fantasy of being the like tantalizing, you know,

hookup for him that goes against his whole way of life. You let him, it sounds like this guy usually needs a face pick, needs more info, needs whatever. You let go of all of that for the promise of being. It's charged to you to be this obvious. object of desire that he can't help himself. Whereas like, if he's gay, he's just cheating. Right.

You know what I mean? Right. You're just a fuck. You're just someone who came over and sucked an anonymous guy's dick with, and by the way, who cares? But also, that to me, some of these ideas are percolating up for me. Yes, yes. I think that along with the gay guy cheating thing, it's like that situation specifically,

it's so unsexy because gay guy cheating is so cowardly. Because it's like, it's like, you guys. are probably already some version of open. And all you had to do is have one difficult conversation. And you don't even want to do that. Like, come on. Like, there's not that many stakes. Like, there's no kids.

It's just a dog. Yeah. Like, what are you really losing? Totally. I also need to know what this location is. Like, it depends on where in the country this is. That's a great point. Do we have an area code eldest?

And of course, area codes mean nothing. I still have. But, you know, and we'll bleep this out. This is just for us. Yes. We are in. Oh, come on. Whoa.

A ton of gay people over there. Yeah, there is. But then I'm also thinking of the grid, and it's like, how would he be able to get away with it? Like, if he's in the gay community at all. Oh, true, true, true, true. Like, his friends might see or, like, what was his profile? Cowardly, that's so funny to call a cow. You're right.

There's no stakes here. No. Like, if his husband, if his wife comes in and you're sucking his dick, she's like, ah! She's breaking. How could you? His husband comes. He's like,

Eric, are you serious, man? Yeah. You're getting your dicks. I was supposed to cheat today. Today's my cheating day. And it's like, I know, but I just really wanted my dick sucked. And you just got your wisdom teeth out and you're allowed to suck dick for another week. So it's the difference between like an earth-shattering gay guys loving drama.

It's the difference between true drama and like, ugh. And going to the DMV. This is my other thing too, in terms of drama is the guy. guy feeling stupid because he was mad that it wasn't a woman. It's like, no, you're stupid because you couldn't tell that this guy was acting. And like, was like, wait, no, wait, listen for the car. Listen for the, it's like, that's a gay guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, you're falling for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then also. You do the, he sends you a live picture of his dick. You press it and there's fucking, uh, Gloria Estefan behind it. You know, he's just in his show tune. The live pick is just fucking has the fucking, the fucking, uh, think of a fucking musical chorus line. It's that one.

It says that playing in the background. You're like, oh, this guy's straight as hell. Yeah, no, there's like a fucking Eames chair and shit. In the living's room. Like, there's fucking just like stainless steel countertops and shit. Like, everything's so cold. Right. There's no, there's no wine.

It's wine a clock somewhere signs. There's no. There's no framed Taylor Swift albums on the wall. There's no fucking, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. that's a great point so yeah what was this question is he is he wrong for feeling this way or just yeah he's wondering if there's like what are the moral implications of like feeling more hurt that uh you know the guy is gay married

and that straight married well then you know what i think is to his point like is something real is that if a guy was straight married then it's like well this is all a ruse to begin with and i'm experiencing the only real thing that he has whereas if it's a gay marriage, then it's like, oh, but he's supposed to really be in love with this guy. Yeah, yeah. So I think there's that. And it's like, yeah, you're now the way we're saying before

cheating on a woman's, sucking a woman's husband's dick is scoring one for the straight, for the gay guys. Now it's gay on gay crime. You know what I mean? Now you're fucking, now you're breaking the fucking, you know, you're breaking the heart of some, you know, I don't know who this guy's husband is. some some chasing

Budidge-edge-style guy you know, whatever the fuck that guy is. Just smiling with his Warby Parker's on. So sincere. I know. And it also could be, now another element is, now what if he does go in there

and it is what we were making fun of? It does have the fucking in the wine o'clock somewhere. It is, what if not only did you cheat with a guy who is gay, he's a corny guy. What if you're, what if you, sucked off a guy who works for he's gay, but he works for

Deloitte. Because at least if you were cheating with a gay guy, it's like, all right, he's wearing a mesh tank top. He's got, I'm looking at it if there's a fun art installation. Right. We're listening to some fun music. Yeah. But you are listening to fucking, you know what I mean?

You're, you're, you're, Michael Boubley is playing. You know what I mean? It's like, what if you, now maybe that's part of it. You are, again, you're down to do, to suck a corny guy's dick if this is the real, the realness. But now you're, you're. found somebody who his reality, you are

the most disposable thing in his reality and his reality is embarrassing to be a part of. That's another element. And I think the other thing too is every gay man when he gets on an app, he is first and foremost a storyteller. crafting a narrative. Yeah, crafting his own

narrative. When he gets a picture, he's crafting a narrative about that person. It's like, that's all you have during a hookup. Right. So like... Right. Because you don't know them. No, right. It's like, what else are you going off of?

Like, it either has to purely be what you are looking at body-wise or like some narrative that you have cooked up. Interesting. So like, they could make one wrong move. I really would have thought it's pure body. Most for most people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say, again, salute the gay guys in their creativity.

For having to craft the narrative where it's like, I would assume it's like, nice. I'm going to suck that guy's dick and not even think this deeply about it. But, you know, this is nice. a little, and I'm learning, you know? Yeah. Because I, because when you, when you try and put your, when as a straight guy, you try and conceive of what gay hookup culture is, it's so hard not to think like, that's so sick. Because it's like, because it's like, you're so hard not just be like, because what I'm

imagining is just like, a hundred hot girls want to fuck me. You know what I mean? And it's like, that is all, the idea that that's pos. and I don't even have to, I just shut them a picture of my dick. Yeah. That's all I have to do. Well, it is that for you because you're straight. You know?

So you have that narrative. Right. I guess that's true. Like you could have pulled that guy so fucking easy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, he listened so he maybe wants to. That's true.

That is true. Like, I probably could get this guy to suck my dick. Right. No disrespect. So I know my callers are my friends, first and foremost. I don't mean to sexualize you that blatantly. Like every straight guy. is like you have a six-month window

where you could probably fuck some of the hottest gay men in the world. Just off the strength of being straight and a lot of gay men will try to pretend like that's not true and that they have self-esteem higher than that. And you might be the select few that that's true for but there are so many

where that's not true. Where it's like a feather in your cap. Exactly. To like the way like a like what you'll hear like got misogynist talk about lesbians or like they just haven't had the right dick yet. Mm-hmm. It's basically a gay guy being like he has an right

right bussy. Exactly. And they'll be like, I'm going to be the one. So that might be, that's another element here. A fundamental element of this is that, yes, you've lost that. And now it's just some gay guy. Because now you just suck some gay guys. Pedestrian.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just plain. Wow. But you know what I will say about our caller here? He really gave us a lot. There was a lot of meat on that boat. That was great. That's a lot.

That's a lot. Thank you for your voice. Calandry, salute to you, my friend. And, you know, hopefully you're, you're sucking off either, you know, a cooler gay guys or, you know, just straight men who really are harming their wife by hooking up with you, man.

Or maybe he met the husband and, you know, they're equally as hot and he loves cooking up with both of them. That's fun. That would be great. That's another, that's another huge element of gay culture I'm very jealous of. Yeah. Imagine if there was just... And again, this doesn't work because you're all the same guy.

right like whatever it's but I'm like damn what if I could just fucking just two hot girls were dating and I could just fuck both and I could just be like they're like and then they date me together sometimes like gay guys that seems fun I have a friend who did that and then the two women ended up getting married and then he was I would love that are you kidding me I would do their vows I would be crying harder than their mothers at their wedding if that happened I would be touched that would take a that would you understand how much What a load off that would take for me. I would be like, I got to fuck them for a year.

And now they're like, now they pay their own bills. I would be like, Martha and Julia, you and your love inspires me. I would be bawling at the reception. I think I would be, I didn't cry at my brother's wedding. I would cry at their wedding, dude.

Without question, that would be the, that would be the most, if my, if two by girls were, got let me be their like kind of off and again, off again boyfriend for a year and then they got married, that would be the greatest honor of my life. That, I would be, oh, anyway, I'm literally like tearing up thinking about that. You know what, let's make it happen, man. I really do have the little boy fantasy of like pulling the Lou Williams and having two girlfriends. I just want, it's just so stupid to just be like, but it just seems fun. Yeah. It seems awesome. And again,

gay guys figure that out. They'll just, you guys got, you guys got all. kinds of like different setups. Yeah. I mean, there's the, the, the, the thruple feels so uniquely gay though. Like, I don't think there is any other configuration that works. No. Of like people. Yeah, yeah. The thruple's so, it's a beautiful,

it's like a perpetual motion machine. You know, it's like, the physics are so beautiful on a gay thruple where it's like, it never starts, clean energy. Someone's always getting fucked. Someone's always sucking someone. Someone's always mad. Someone's always getting heads. Oh, you know what I mean? It's like, someone's always doing,

perfectly self-contained. Yeah, yeah. Someone's always paying bills. Like, there's one guy's always, it's beautiful. Anyway, another question for us here, Eldie. Or is it, uh-oh? No, that's for you. I mean, Jabukkin wear it.

You want the twisted fitted? Yeah. Oh, shit. What the fuck? Elvis, we got most of you, too. Keep it twisted. It's time for the motherfucking It's time for the motherfucking

Fucked-up-ass question of the fucking week Brought to you by our friends at Twisted Tea Sorry, let me Let me get some ice cold delicious twisted tea right here Ah, that's fucking good What have we got, Elvis? What's the call this week? Hey, I'm an honored guest.

My family's insane, so I'd love some advice. This year, my dad blew up the family and got a one-way ticket overseas. He married a 22-year-old in secret and, of course, immediately knocked her up. And I'm sure at the point you'd guess were Arab Muslims. And I want to be clear, like, we all saw it come. She said they're Arab Muslims? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, again, this goes back to my bit about how Greeks are the most light-skinned Arabs.

because this is the thing I could see half the dads I grew up with doing. But go ahead. And this villager girl shit, go find yourself a 22-year-old villager. Like, this is that thinking right here. Keep going, LD. And I want to be clear, like, we all saw it coming.

He's been saying he wanted a second wife for like five years, and we all told him no chance to help. Listen, that guy read the secret. Keep it twisted. That guy knows the power of visualization. Hey, I want a second one. He's telling his kids for five years. His current wife was in high school when he first starts talking about this.

Oh, my God. All right, keep going, Eld. I'm the younger than his own daughter part was a surprise. My siblings and I've been begging our parents to get divorced for 10 years. So my question is actually about my mom. She doesn't want to change anything about her quality of life. She's asking us kids. There's three of us, early career kids, who all live in expensive cities, and there's a kid in college right now.

And she's asking us to basically bankroll her. Nope. And I want to know how to make her understand that shit is actually impossible. She basically wants to recreate her bougie suburban housewife life without the husband who spent 30 years building it. She's not divorced on paper yet. They've not managed to both meet up in court, but she managed to get half a little. money from the house sale and like another 100K lump sum. She literally has more money than any of us combined from ever.

Yeah, of course. I mean, yes, this is insane. But it's not enough to like keep her standard of living. So, yeah, how do I get my mom to stop trying to live her old life? Also, my dad is begging her to stay married and to come back. What? Love the show. Bye.

What? Wait a second. What the fuck are you talking about? Oh, my. First of all, both your parents are fucking insane. And they're both, they're both keeping it rather twisted. They're keeping it very twisted. I will say this family's keeping it twist. These parents are keeping it very twisted.

The dad kept it twisted as hell. He kept it too twisted. Let's be on the record here. Twisted tea. He's kept a little too, and the mom is keeping it too twisted too. Yeah. She's out of her fucking mind. And the dad being like he wants her to come back?

I guess he means he wants to just have two wives is what he means. Yeah. She mentioned that earlier too. Oh, she did. That's part of like what he said. Like he's just, has always wanted more than one wife. Okay.

So listen. Hmm. I don't know what the rules of twisted T are. Whether I can tell your mom to suck it up and be wife number one. But it cuss come down to doing a little mathematics. here and being like, how are we going to get the life we want? If the guy's begging you to come back and you can kind of turn a blind eye and, you know, it sounds like she's didn't have to do much.

It sounds like she just kind of had like a pampered life. Well, this guy now has a second wife, but I'm going to guess he wasn't not cheating the whole fucking time. There's no way this guy was faithful. All of a sudden. Yeah. So this is just a big, this guy just went back home and got got himself a 20. year old wife.

And look, by the way, that is totally grounds for divorce. Obviously. Yeah. But your mom just needs to be okay with either living off the, look, you're just gonna have to downgrade here.

Yeah. You made a fucking, you made a choice. You stood up for yourself. You're like, I'm not gonna be, I'm not gonna let this guy just marry another woman.

Right. And then still stay married to me, which by the way, legally how, whether we even talking about here, you know what I mean? But anyway, and but then also what's very funny here

is that she's like, how do I tell my mom to stop? And it's like, your mom's not the problem here. No. I mean, they're both the problem, but it's like, she's lost her mind. Yeah. But they both seem insane. Right. Both your parents seem fucking crazy.

But I'm interested, like, is she even hurt? The mom? I think so. Because she's kind of just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, but how am I going to keep doing Pilates? Yeah, yeah, exactly. Who is paying for my Pilates? It's like, we're still 3K short a month. So if everybody could just put,

If you each can put 1K on auto pay on zeal, that would really help me out. Let's do it the first of the month. And also, she's just got to get realistic. Like, it's capitalism. You can't have pride and money. It's true. One of them has to go. That's exactly it.

And we clearly chose ours. We don't have pride. We decided which one we want. And don't forget to keep it fucking twisted, folks. Keep it twisted. Get the family together. Keep the family together. Get an ice cold twisted tea.

Get an ice cold twisted tea. That's what you need to do. Get the family together on a nice hot day. Crack open a game day pack of twisted tea because that actually has all the different flavors. And you'll have raspberry. You'll have peach. Somebody wants half and half. And over 12 twisted teas,

I think your family will come to a conclusion. realize what's really important here. Yeah. And then create a thruple. And then create a throop. Oh, create a thru. Is this the first non-gay thruple that works?

But yes, that's such a good point of like, your mom chose pride and good for her, but maybe tell her to fucking go choose money instead and fucking stay married. Or, you know, not to get crass about the whole thing. Like she should, you know, Does she get remarried? Does somebody else fill in here?

Right. Like, is there somebody, is there a lesser, is there a less well off? Right. You know what I mean? Like fucking car salesman that she get in Dallas that she can fucking end up with? I feel like if she puts up too much of a fight, you could create a contract where it's like, will bankroll you if you can get remarried in like six months. Oh, I love that.

So like we'll keep you looking like a badie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But you got to show us something. Yes. I bet she did something like that when you were applying to school. That's a great point I bet they had those rules for you Did your mom ever body shame you?

Did she ever call you too fat? You should fucking pinch her fucking pinch her around the fucking waist Is that we're getting a second husband You think this is that we're staying in fucking hot yoga mom really You can get her back now Exactly Body shame your mother

Yes That every immigrant kid needs to hear that By the time you turn 30 You need to start flipping their tactics back on them. Whatever they did to you, do it to them. It doesn't matter what the scenario is. Like, you have to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, yeah, that's our advice. And really, at the end of the day, get the whole family together and crack open an ice cold twisted tea. And remember, folks, keep it twisted. Whoa, what the hell?

Oh, shit, fuck. Oh, fuck, dude. That was crazy Keep it twisted And that was the motherfucking-ass question Of the fucking week Brought to you by Twisted Tea What else we got, a little LD?

Hello soft, hello caller You're the caller? My question So I'm getting older, I'm like 44 My wife's getting older You know, she has like some She has I can't remember this call, but her like

fucking arm hurts all the time for no reason And she's at it Time out. I'm really fuck out. Can't remember what it's called. Your wife has a chronic health condition?

That's awesome. All right, all right. That's fucking hilarious. Couldn't bother to fucking memorize the name. I can't remember what it's called, but her like fucking arm hurts all the time for no reason and she gets headaches. And she's really into sex.

She reads all these sex books. Okay. Smut. Kind of like the gay hockey ones, but they're a little more like, violent. And I'm naturally a Dom in the bedroom. I'm like a big dude. Okay. But we can't do that anymore

because it hurts her. Like, I can't fucking pull her hair. I can't choke her. There's no Dom sex happening anymore. Oh, dude. Because of our ageing out of that shit. No, you're... Like, what should we switch it up to? Like, what's a more like soft sex thing we could do, you know? Like... This is a lack of imagination.

I don't fucking know. That's why I'm calling, dude. What do I do as a retired Dom? You're clear... Hopefully you have a good answer. Hopefully you have a good answer. I hope that. you need you're clearly not a you're clearly not a curious person you don't even know what your wife's chronic illness is called

right to you being a dom is literally hair pulling choking and like slapping and maybe spitting right you're not aging out of it is like

it's like how my look Michael Jordan was a he used to play shooting guard he gets a little older he moves to the three he's not a he's not as explosive, right? But he's more of a technical player. And that's when you age out of things, you have to learn technique, more bang for your buck. To me, this feels like, again, a lack of imagination. Read some of those books. See what, see what it is that's getting her juiced up.

A lot of times, talking crazy will do everything you need. More than enough. I have, I think really, like, when you think about what you're going to say and like, describe wild shit that you want to do to her threaten that kind of shit sexually. Get some fucking, also toys, right? Because you're thinking of it as like pure physical violence as being dominant, but it's like being in control is really what it's about. So if you're fully in control, you're going to have to play a couple more mind games. Maybe you get into fucking ropes and shit and tying her up.

Playing with fucking toys, right? If you can't do, if physical pain and taking her to the limit was once your thing, maybe you have to fucking, you know, hit her with a fucking... one of those fucking jackhammer and fucking vibrators where it's like, you know what I mean? Like intense pleasure

one way or the other. Or like withholding pleasure. Withholding huge, big. Yeah, people love that. Like teasing, doing this other shit. You right now, it's like the old adage of like if you have a, if you have a hammer, every problem starts to look like a nail

is what they say where it's like, yeah, you're gonna try and smash it if all you have is a hammer. You need some fucking other tool. in your fucking toolkit. You need to become a fin- now is time for you. You can't dunk anymore.

Learn how to finger roll. You know what I'm saying? Like learn how to be a finesse player because being, you don't, and I'm not, I'm not a BDSM person, but I think, you know, it's like whatever I'm into in the bedroom.

It's not like I'm not one of these motherfuckers just like reading about this shit or like, you know, but I do think, my friends who are into it, I think they would have a very derisive view of you because you really aren't, You just see it as like your four semi-violent sex moves are what make you a dom. Whereas for them, it's really mostly mental is, you know, for the friends of mine who are, like, super into that shit.

And I feel like so much behind the dumb stuff is like, behind all of the violence is like, this person wants me so bad that they're like. They'll do whatever I say. Exactly. And that is fucking awesome. Yeah. That is a great feeling. And if she has that, you should be. why aren't you having a great time?

That's the thing. Look at this with fresh eyes. You know what I mean? You have this woman who loves you and will do whatever you want sexually if you if you just kind of meet her, you know, sort of have, like I know, I hooked up with somebody who was like into fat guys and was just, she was so just into my body in a way that was like, I felt like the man. And then when you hook up, you know, you'll hook up with random people.

It's like, for whatever reason, you just represent the right thing at the right time for their, and they're so turned on. And it's like, that is the fuck. And they tend to be the ones that are like the most submissive they want. I think when you were, I've said this before,

but it's like when you are kind of a big fat piece of shit, hot women want you to just fucking toss them around and shit. And when you find, and that naturally was never, I was never like naturally into like the violent aspect. But it was what you just said that, that unlocked it for me where it's like, oh, no,

this is a person that like wants you, want you so bad. They'll do whatever the fuck you say. And it's like, that doesn't just have to be choking and spitting. That could be a bunch of shit. So get a little more creative. Open your bag up, brother. And also, she's so committed.

She's, like, playing with a torn ACL. Right. She is really, yeah. She's a trooper. And maybe you can't do all the same stuff, but you can get, you just have, you, it's just from knowing you this amount, which is hearing a voicemail. I know you're an incurious person. I know it in my bones.

And just open up your horizons a little bit, dude. That's all I'm saying. Maybe you're just nervous. That's possible. But I do think in general. And look, I've had that problem, too, where I don't think about the outside world. And that's what I'm the least happy. Or I'm not, I don't ask follow-up questions when I'm so in my own shit.

You're so focused on how you used to fuck and what you've lost that you're not looking at what you could gain by this new, these new setups. Some of my favorite, like, restrictions make some of the best art, right? It's like, and now you get to be fucking Picasso, dude. get to, now let, now we find out if you're actually good at fucking. Before, before you were just using your fucking, you were a brute force, you know, now do you have technique? Do you know how to

fucking make a woman bust in the sexual theater of the mind? You know, and a couple fucking dildos and shit, whatever the fuck, you know what I mean? Figures some of those beads that you control, that seems kind of fun. That seems classic, just being like, brr, and a girl gets horny, that seems fun.

So, yeah, there you go, buddy. What else we got, LD? Hey, Savi and Eldis and whatever cool guests you got on there. That's right. Listen, I'm calling because I, so my situation is this. I'm a 40-year-old dad of three. I'm a good dad. I have my shit together.

I, you know, still married and still with mom. Okay. And, yeah, everything's good on the home front. The more positive ones that he racks up, the more I'm scared about what the turn is going to be. But anyway, let's not get ahead of ourselves. Doing really well in my job. Kids are happy.

I feel like I'm knocking it out of the park. Is a dad. that said I'm hitting like mad dabs throughout the day um we need a respect drop we really need a respect drop

I'm hitting like mad dabs throughout the day um waking up I'm daffin afternoon evening I'm also taking about a handful of stems

ADHD meds. I somehow have lucked out into getting a prescription for very easy to get. I'm teleproductive doing all the stuff playing music in my free time. Everything's good.

I'm loving it, but it feels wrong. Hmm. That's interesting. Let me know what you think. Am I a secret, high-functioning drug addict? Do I need to stop? Do I need to get my priorities in order? You are talking to a high-functioning drug addict right now.

I'm so addicted to weed right now. It's crazy. I take 100 milligrams every night. I tried. Today was the first night I couldn't. I was like, let me just not do this. I could not sleep, dude. I straight up.

I slept like four. Two nights this week, I was like, I'm not going to do it. And it's not like I didn't, I just, I was like, I'm just going to smoke weed. Yeah. I didn't do it. I need to be so blotto out of my fucking mind. edible, like, how are you taking this? Like, I literally have done the research to find the way to get the most.

There's like a brand of that makes, because in you, I know the laws. In New York, every package can't be over 100 milligrams. Okay. So other, in other places, you might get like packages that are 500 milligrams. And they're like 50 or 100 milligram like 50 gum, 50 gummies usually. Yeah. Or 20, what I'd really love is 25 grams so that I could do 75. In the state of New York, the max is 100 milligrams.

And so most places do either 5 milligram little guys or 10 milligrams. And there's one company that does these little square chocolates that are 100 milligrams. And I just fucking pop one of those fuckers. And I am so fucked up. It's awesome. And I sleep so good. I also fuck my backup. So I'm trying to stay off other more harmful pills.

Yeah. And so I literally know the last three months, I've become a high-functioning drug addict. And there are negatives. Like, yeah, I need a little, I need an hour to really get going in the morning because I'm still pretty fucked up. Right. You know, every morning.

Yeah. But I kind of like it. Because I take a fucking walk. You know what I mean? I fucking meditate sometimes. But I go on a kind of stone walk. I drink coffee. And then within an hour, I'm kind of good to go.

That doesn't sound bad to me. It's not that. The problem is I've been like, I have to stop this. And right now I just can't, I'm shooting my spous. You know, I just have too much shit to try and kick weed. Yeah. And that would be my, so my question for this guy is like, how, what he's saying doesn't sound that bad? Mm-mm.

I would, the stims. Like a literal handful. Like, how many milligrams are we talking? That's what I would say is like, like my problem. Like, I know when shit gets less busy for me, I'm going to, at the minimum. them like go off weed for six months because I can, I don't know how my tolerance got here this fast. Because I truly, dude, I didn't smoke weed for like, like,

before the tour, was I even smoking weed eldest? I don't think so. Just like occasionally, like, Max. I think you're going okay. Before the tour, once a month I'd smoke weed. Yeah. I really wasn't smoking weed.

The tour touring and fucking my backup, I was just like, if I don't smoke weed, I'm well, it's the same thing with touring. Like, I have to get, like, hydroxazzing. it's like what like Zyrtec used to be before they took the drowsiness out of it otherwise I can't go to sleep because you're just like fucking switching time zone

so much You're like drinking Red Bull before a show Yeah it is like You know I know the fucking Smallest violin for fucking comedians But it is really hard When you have just done a show And your adrenaline is through the fucking roof

And you had a yeah If the nights where it's like Sometimes you have a fucking coffee To get in the right zone Or you need a dreadble or you need whatever. It's like, you're not going to go to bed unless you have drugs.

You're straight up not going to. For until naturally, I would probably go to bed at like 6 a.m. if that was the case. Yep. And a lot of time you're flying out the next morning. Yeah, it's so, it sucks. So I know that, but right now, my life is like a fucking Jenga tower.

And if I took out the weed block, it's crumbling. Right. Right. So that's what I would say is like, where are you in your life? Because I know I'm going to, when it's,

when it's less precarious, I'm going to slowly take that weed block out and try and rebuild. For him, like he has kids, right? How old are your kids? Like, if you have young kids, I would say I'd be scared.

The other thing is, like, he seems that he didn't mention, I was really waiting for the, I want to cheat on my wife thing to drop because that's most calls we get where the guy talks about what a good guy they are. If he keeps going up with that Adderall,

then he might be getting his dick suck by guys on Grindr, honestly. Like, his limp dick suck. Yeah, it's like at a certain milligram amount, you are gay. Yeah, you just become gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Watch out. Yeah, yeah. So I think my question to you is, A, how old are your kids?

Are you putting them in danger? Are there times where you're so fucked up that if, because my thing with parenting is like, I'm not saying someone who has kids cannot, can never. get fucked up. Obviously, that's, you know, crazy. But I do think if some, if you have young kids, you have to think of yourself as a, as on call. Like if an emergency happens, do you want to be too stone to take your kid to the hospital? That's, that's number one. Now, if you pass that test, if it's like, either you never get that fucked up when they're around, or you just ultimately know, look, my wife's going to take care of this. That's the other, that's another thing that we don't

know is like, is he just the type B and is this his wife run everything? And she's like, yeah, yeah, get in the garage, play music. I'll fucking, every time you try and help you fuck something up. So just fucking take dabs and play fucking play guitar, you know, play Wonderwall in the garage while I raise our children. If that's the case, keep doing what you're down. But I guess my thing is like, yeah, from a true health standpoint, think about what's your percent, what are your milligrams?

You're probably fine. You're probably fine for a while, if we're being honest. But do you want to live your life addicted to. to be doing a safe speedball every day. You're talking about amphetamines and fucking, like, amphetamines and weed, you're getting pretty close to doing fucking heroin and cocaine. You know what I mean?

Like, you kind of, when you're talking about dabs at that level, because he's not talking about I smoke a joint or I take five milligrams. No, right, I forgot it's dives. He's saying, I'm taking dabs throughout the day, and I'm taking a handful of adderals. Yeah. When you're doing that, weed has gotten to the point where when it's poe,

it's as fucked up as any drug. Right. And you're on, so it's like, that's my thing. It's like, look, I think you're probably, if we're going to be realistic, you seem to be fine, but you need to think about this

the way you would think about the way you fucking eat. The way I would say somebody who goes and drinks fucking 10 beers, like somebody who drinks four beers every day. It's like, is that the worst thing in the world? No, but long term is this how you want, you know, think about it like that. That's how I would, because it doesn't seem like he's putting his kids at danger,

doesn't seem like he's fucking his life up. It just seems like he morally feels bad for doing what he perceives as wrong behavior. But then also, it kind of logistically doesn't make sense because he started doing a bunch of dabs and he probably was like, damn, my attention span is just fried. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I should probably get on adderol.

And now he's like doing the adderall to offset the dabs. And it's like, you might just not need either of those. Maybe not, maybe, but maybe he needs both. I mean, I do feel like the limitless pill, if it's real is like 5 milligrams of Adderall, cold brew, the gentlest edible of all time. A dick pill.

Like allergy medicine. If you put all that together, but like the non-drousies type. If you put all that, I think that's what the limitless put... Like, when I'm on hatterol and smoking weed, I do feel incredible. That is true.

It's one of the fucking best feelings in the world. That is true. And you completely understand why so many people die of speedball. You're like, I bet this feels so good. I bet doing heroin and an upper feels so fucking good. And I'm never going to find out because that will kill me. Like, I just know if I ever do heroin, I'm so toast.

Because I even pill. I've dabbled in pills for a while. But if I felt that real shit, anyway, sorry. I'm doing it at some point, though. Like, when I'm like close to death, I'm ripping it. That's a great point. As an old guy, I'm doing heroin. I got to get, if I live to 70, I'll reward myself with heroin.

Let's do that. Let's put that on the board, Elders. That's the Stavi's world. That's a goal for us. Get to 70, you get to do heroin. But so that's, I would purely look at it as a health thing, because that's kind of how I'm looking at the weed thing, where I'm like, there's no way ingesting a hundred milligrams a day

is good for you long term. There's just no way that's true. The same way there's no. way eight dabs and 25 extended and 25 extended release whatever and like two extended release adderals a day is good for you yeah you know that you ultimately know that at least you're not destroying your life with it so you think like maybe i could do this forever it's like no you shouldn't just because it's unhealthy for you good for you that you're not destroying your life that's good maybe you're the kind of guy who if it got that bad you'd stop and it maybe on some level you're like

as soon as it starts fucking my life up, I'll chill. And it just hasn't happened. So you're like, do I just get as fucked up as possible? It's like, no, dude. Because the end of this is ultimately something really fucking dark. Yeah. Because tolerances keep going up. What you need to get that juice keeps going up.

I'm living it in a much more wholesome way than you somehow. So I know how it goes. So that's why I would say, pick a time in your life where you have some downtime and try and kick this. And then if you, if you want to get back to maybe smoking a joint. You know what I mean? Smoking a joint and taking the amount of Adderall,

you're prescribed. Okay. Try that. But you do need a reset minimum at some point. It's not sustainable. And your heart. Your heart, brother. For sure, for sure.

With all those Adderall, that's not. Did he say he was in good health? What did he said? Did he say, because he mentioned all the other stuff he's good at. He didn't specify, but... I'd be really scared. He's doing good. That's the thing, dude.

I thought I was doing good. I mean, again, all this is projection, but like I went through something this year where I was like, you know, I've been fat as fuck my whole life and I've been addicted to multiple substances a different part of my life. And I always was waiting for the doctor's visit

where it would force me to get my life together. And I was always like, my blood works good. What's going on? And then I fucked my backup because I've been fat. And I realized, oh, I was always waiting for like diabetes or heart stuff. and it's like, I didn't even consider that I could fuck up literally like my spine by being fat. And it's like, dude, you might be, you're taking care of all the stuff that you're thinking about right now,

but there's stuff that is, these drugs are fucking your life up in ways you're not conceived of you, you haven't conceived of yet. And you think you're doing everything with your kids, but like, what do your kids think of you? Right. Let's say they're safe. I never see my dad because he's playing math rock on Adderall. he's doing chord progressions on fucking 40 milligrams of Adderall so I don't ever get to he missed my fucking he missed my game

he missed my fucking soccer game because he was trying to do he was trying to copy bucket heads guitar solo or whatever the fuck also that combo is low-key like schizophrenia from scratch it really is the paranoia that you might get if that goes like a little wrong I think about how because I was a I'm ADHD whatever and I was prescribed Addera for a while and I think about what like how

how irritable I would get sometimes when I didn't eat enough because it stops you from eating so you don't realize you're hungry and if you fucking abuse amphetamines you get very irritable you get really, you have a bad mood and when you combine that

with fucking the paranoid like I still, even as someone addicted to huge quantities of marijuana I will freak out every night I have like about a 20 minutes like I'm gonna fuck everything up I'm about to fucking bomb the special. I'm going to fuck the movie up.

I'm a piece of shit. But you just power through that part. And right after that 30 Rock gets even more awesome. So as soon as you power through that little 20 minutes of like, you're a fucking frog. You're going to fuck every. But combining that with fucking Adderall abuses, yeah. So anyway, you know, we just said everything you actually have known this whole time.

But you didn't need to hear it. So that's it, little buddy. Elvis, you got something fun for us to go out on here? Here's the guy with a medical issue that we did help. Oh, okay. First of all, I don't have a question, to be honest with you, but I have a funny story. Great.

I think you would appreciate. A few months ago, I was in a bike accident, and I flew off my bike over the front handle bars going like 20 miles an hour. Jesus. And I was wearing a helmet, but I still cracked. my pavement hard enough to get a concussion. Okay. And God, you were in a fucking helmet.

When I realized I had a concussion, when to the doctor, they told me that, you know, first I have to be in a dark room with no stimulation, mental stimulation of any kind. But then they said I should start slowly introducing more stimulating things to get my brain used to, like, sensory input. but what I found is that even like thinking about things too hard would trigger like my symptoms. So like I tried to go back to work. I'm a program for my job working on computers. And I started trying to do that again.

And I would like be looking at the code and everything would go blurry and like the lights would get really sharp. And I would have to lay down and it would just be too much. Jesus Christ, dude. And I found that the only thing. that I could do that was the least mental stimulation of any activity was just to listen to your podcast.

Do you have severe brain damage? Don't worry. Does it hurt you to think too hard? To have, to hold, does holding images in your head, challenge you too much mentally. Well, don't worry, Stavi's world is here for you. We're gentle enough that even someone who,

if they try and remember their grandpa's name, get a migraine, we won't challenge them at all, dude. We'll just feed them right what they will. Comfort, pure comfort food. That's awesome. Does you have more? And there's a period of like five days

where I literally could only just lay down on the couch with my eyes closed and just live in to Stabby's world and I probably listen to like I know maybe like four years

find this man and gift him a Patreon subscription eldest for that one it was get him the get him the Albanian supremacy thanks the $10 tier where you get to see

Eldis's camera only we charge more to get access to Eldis's camera for the whole two hours You can see what I'm doing my facial expression throughout the course of an episode literally like an hour and 40 minutes of Elders just being like,

you see it. You can see how cross-eyed he is with that cam too, by the way. That's so fucking funny. Is that, so how's he doing that? Is that it? Is that the end of the call? That was it. Great delivery. That's beautiful.

Yeah. That actually was really good. That was really good. That's so fucking funny. And that does. You know what? That makes me feel good, man. The fact that we're helping the people with the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I'm, that's so fucking funny, dude.

And I, by the way, I do take that as a compliment. I take it as we're, you know, we're just, you're here with your friend, you're with an old pal. We make you feel comfortable here. Do you ever, you ever, what's the most fucked up injury you've ever had? Ooh, um, most fucked up injury, hernia. Oh, fuck. I remember, I remember, I remember you, like, posted about that. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get a hernia. Was it working out? No. Well, yes and no.

I got so strong that I thought that I could do anything. So it was working out. That's fucking hilarious. But I tried moving a mattress up some stairs by myself. Because you were jacked. And it's like I could do it, but like I just moved a little bit in the wrong direction. I just felt something pop. And I was like, ooh, what was that?

How fucking long did that take? Jesus. Do you have to get surgery? Yeah, I had to get like a mesh put in. Oh. I couldn't do any lifting whatsoever for like maybe a month and then like no real working out for like six months. Dude, yeah, that's brutal.

It was terrible. Jesus, but at least, I mean, because I'm literally dealing that with my, I was the most actually on my shit that I've been in years. I was working out. Always how it happens. And I haven't been able to, I haven't been able to like,

it's been, you know, it happened in January. And I'm trying to get back to fucking, I want, it's hilarious that the moment I want to lift in my. life the first time in my life the gym is like a positive to me yeah it will kill me if I try doing it like um but thank god it fucking the hernia they just fucking and you're good it's not like a chronic thing or no like sometimes I get like nerve pain a little bit yeah yeah um and then if I start getting really like jacked in the abdomen I can feel it moving really or like repositioning kind of like when the muscle like and it's so alien feeling like there's just like that that

thing there. So does it stop you from getting like, can you, but can you work out regularly now? Yeah. No, I can. Yeah. It's like completely healed. If you get, can you get fucking, could you go kumel mode if you wanted and it would it hurt? What do you mean? Like get jacked as fuck. Kumail. I know it's in me because my brother does it. Like it's in the jeans somewhere. Fuck, dude. And I like, I've seen him do it and I'm like, I could. Do you have that desire? Do you want to be jacked as fuck? I did it for like a little bit and it's fun, but then like you can't really dress. Like nothing fit me right. I just always felt like I should just be naked right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because no one's really getting the effects. Right. Like, you guys don't get it. Right, right, right. This actually isn't selling it. That's really interesting, too. And I like clothes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know. I don't want to. That's very interesting too from like, again, just sort of the way, oh, fuck. It's just sort of like showing our viewership, different stuff about gay people, our former in cells. It's like, immediately I would have thought like, but wait, gay guys.

work out and they like clothes and it never, never at once did I think like, whoa, that's two mutually exclusive things. Yeah. Because if you're jacked, you're right. Nothing. You look good because you're jacked. But also it's like if someone's too jacked, they actually can never look

great in clothes. Like super, we're talking about like bodybuilders look fucking crazy. 100%. And even in like suits, like Jack guys started wearing the like fucking tight ass suits. I bet in a suit with the right tailoring, but then you gotta be a guy

who wears a fucking suit all the time. Right. I don't know. It's like you should be fighting or fucking someone right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That is true. There's no reason to get that jacked if you don't have like physical, if you're not like violent,

doing some kind of violence, whether that's sports or like, you know. Sexual vans, but consensually. Would you ever, do you have the desire to get like super? Not, I mean, obviously, I have the desire to just fucking get huge arms. Like just get,

bouncer physique. Get like a shot put build. Exactly. I see that for and the thing is like I do want to, I'm going to take time to fix my, the back I also just kind of needed because you always say I'm going to take time and

actually fix myself, right? Fix my problems. This made it so that I had to be, I literally was like, I turned down a bunch of jobs because I was like, I have to after, I've agreed to do certain things and like, you know, this movie I was really lucky to get cast in this movie,

Apatow and who, dude, you know, when I'm, you want to talk about being, I literally, like, listen to the fucking DVD commentary. Yeah. Like, it's crazy. If it wasn't Judd Apatow and it wasn't, and I am a bit, I'm a fucking Powell guy, dude. I saw that motherfucker in Top Gun and I walked out of there

being like, that's the fucking guy. No disrespect to Miles Teller, great actor. But I was like, fuck, give me more of this fucking guy. He was so good at being like, Iceman 2.0. And he just had that, like, kind of, like dickhead. I'm so excited to fucking do this movie because his presence on screen is so fun

and like, he just has such a specific energy. And if it wasn't like legit, a movie star and the fucking director I grew up like, I probably would go, because I'm like trying to find doctors. Like I have a bunch of shit I want to do. So I do think the, if I don't do it now,

if you don't see me in like a year with a fixed back getting in good shape, it's just never going to have. I'm getting to that point where it's like, I'm 37. Have you ever ever? had to do physical therapy before? I have, I have, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna have to do a bunch of PT. I've, my, I fucked my shoulder up. My hope is once I'm done with the movie is to just like, I'm really gonna go into PT seriously, and I just want to be able to work out my upper body again, at least a little bit. Because my, the irony now is like, my legs are always the strongest thing, and I just can't really fuck with them right now because of my back.

Oh, yeah. And I think I probably could. I always was like, I'm fatish, and it doesn't make sense to, like, do, like, arm workouts for, I need to, like, just get healthier. But I think there will be a moment where while I'm fixing my back, I really can't do anything but purely armed stuff. So who knows, man? Maybe I spend the year just getting fucking...

And by the way, I'll do everything. Peptides. Fucking stem cells. Fucking take my blood out, fucking circulate it. You know what I mean? Like, I'm... That's the other thing is like, I don't really spend money on much. I've been very lucky in my life.

And I just want to spend money on making my body not feel like shit. You know, like that's the thing. What's your peptide stack? Do you have? I have nothing yet. I have nothing yet. But I'm getting in the zone. Yeah.

I'm going to get in the mix for sure. Because like the JLP ones have helped me an incredible amount. Yeah. Because like there have been moments. I've been on a little under a year or about a year. And even when I don't, you know, I haven't been losing weight a ton like fat. Like when I started, I was losing weight so fast because I had nothing to do and I was so focused. But now there have been moments where I've been so stressed.

that if I wasn't on them, I would be going buck. Or I have a crazy night and then they fucking, they let you know you fucked up. How so? It hurts. It kind of is like a, there is kind of like a shock collar thing

where it's like, you know what I mean? You have too much dessert. You hit the collar the next day on the toilet. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You hit the fucking shock fence. So I'm like,

these medicines have clearly helped me. There's probably other medicines that can help. And so I'm on the hunt for like rich guys. solutions to my back. So we might, maybe Stobby gets ripped season fucking three or, what are we up to?

Four or five? There's like, the peptides are tearing through the gay guy community. It seems like it. And I'm really scoping them out. Yeah. Like,

there's a few test dummies that I have. Oh, we got to send a couple dogs to space. Before we get, before me and you get in the shuttle. You know what I mean? Let's make sure they can fucking come in and out.

Exactly. Exactly. Got to set some sputniks. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I definitely.

see that for sure. It's like, it seems like a lot, it's like tech, uh, gay guys and then like secret Hollywood people that don't want to admit. Like peptides seem to be like the way people can just do something. Yeah. And be like, well, it's not the things you've heard of. Well, the gateway for me and I think for a lot of people, Accutane. Uh, is that a peptide technique? No, just like, oh, just like a weird It's just vitamin A. Oh, really? But then some of these peptides are just like copper. Right. That you're shooting into your ass. I know. That's why I want to give it a little second. Right. It was like that with the GLP-1s. I gave it like quite a, like I started last year.

I feel like the first round of OZembrook was like maybe, what, four years ago probably. Oh. I feel like it probably was something like that. I feel like it was like a right out of the pandemic type thing. Even probably during what, because so many people had all this massive pandemic weight loss. And it was right when GLP-1 started. Like what the fuck? Yeah.

Yeah. But, but yeah, dude, I'm excited to fuck. I do. I'm obviously never going to be in great. shape, but I want to get strong as fuck. Just from a, at this point, literally from a survival standpoint. But I also just think, like, the ultimate,

I've just always been on the quest to perfect what I, who I, what my strengths are. And I think the physical attractiveness for me, I'm not some fat guy that thinks he wants to get skinny. That's crazy. Right? That's also not who I am. I'm not a little guy. And so, and it's

also like, I'm 5'7. If I lost 100, fucking 20 pounds at 5'7, I'd be a weird little guy with loose skin. That's not who I want to be. In a really big head. Humongous head. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I really, like, do fat people just grow larger heads or do, I feel like so many fat people that lose weight happen to have huge heads? Is there some kind of thing, does your head grow because you're fat? See, I... Chicken or the egg, I'd love to know. Like, I have a gigantic head. Sometimes I see myself on camera and I'm like, holy shit. But we're just used to it.

Lollipopping. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting. But when I had, like, I think in my heaviest, I was like 200. Uh-huh. And like, I looked so normal. I was like, whoa, like everything is proportional. Like, it's crazy.

How's a hat deward, you know? Jesus Christ. Like, I couldn't fit that, I don't think. We have, I have a humongous head. Try this, dude. See, you're on the last. Last, last, yeah. Yeah.

Hair. Similar, yeah. Similar, yeah. Similar size. Yeah, yeah. But that's a, I just love this hat, but I hate going. Yes, yes, I'm too fat for hats. We've discussed it.

We've discussed it. I hate going. on the last one, but we went to fucking, where'd we just go? Milwaukee and bought, like, beer hats and let me just say, they got them for the ample head. When you buy beer merch,

they are the right, they're for fat ass head motherfuckers, but yeah, hell yeah, dude. No, I'm gonna, I definitely have the desire to just kind of fucking, I love, I have a, I love an 80s action movies so much and I have a script that I like, you know,

I have like a project that I love working on that's like, that is in that world. And it would make sense for me, for this thing to just get, not obviously I'm never going to be as jacked as fucking, but that would make sense. If I get somebody to make this and then it's like, all right, well, I need a year to get jacked. Like I always dream of figuring out a way to like, you know,

tie it into my life so that I don't have to completely set the groundwork now. We're like, hey, if you like this, I got to fucking get, I got to get on some fucking pep-top. and get fucking jacked as hell. Right. We'll see. Stay tuned. Stobby gets ripped season four or five.

Again, I don't remember which one it is. But we're, and sorry, folks, we were going to do it, but I fucked my backup so I couldn't work out at all. But we're going to get, once I'm done shooting this movie, we're going to get Stavie gets ripped going again. Anyway, that was a fun last call.

We're glad we could help the brain damaged, our brain damaged fan. And, you know, that's nice. It's nice that one of our fans has to have accidents to get brain injury for a change. Usually that's just kind of how they were born. They were kind of missing a chunk of one lobe or another. So respect to you guys.

Djibuki, this was great, man. Thank you, right? Anytime you want to come back, we'd love to have you. Find Jibuki. He's on the road right now. Follow him online. He's hilarious in every medium. And we will talk to you guys next time.

Bye-bye.