Stavvy's World - #182 - Joe List and JP McDade

Episode Date: May 25, 2026

Dear friends of the pod Joe List and JP McDade return to Stavvy's World to help Stav lick his wounds after a harrowing scooter accident. The boys discuss exactly how Stav broke his arm, how Stav begged his doctors for medicine meant for injured NFL players in hopes that he could still shoot his special, how Joe is older and healthier than Stav and JP, the sexual subtext of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," why Kelsey Grammar gets an invite to the cookout, and much more. Joe, JP and Stav help callers including an EMT who hates his clumsy new coworker who makes potentially fatal mistakes on the job, and a woman who's considering spilling the beans about her more successful sister's affair with a married man to their mom.     Watch Joe List’s movie Tom Dustin: Portrait of a Comedian: https://punchup.live/joe-list/tom-dustin-portrait-of-a-comedian/purchase See Joe List live and follow him on social media: https://punchup.live/joe-list/tour https://www.comedianjoelist.com/ https://www.youtube.com/@JoeListComedy   https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/ https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy/ https://www.facebook.com/comedianjoelist/   Follow JP McDade on social media: https://twitter.com/jp_mcdade https://www.instagram.com/mcdadebaby   Thanks to our sponsor!! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ use code FRESHSTART to get a Visible plan for $20/month for one year   ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Oh, Baha. Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 904-800. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. You may have heard I broke my arm. Brace brothers. And now we have JPL. Now I know how J.P. lives.

And so I just, and we still have to entertain you fine people. So I just figured, let's get my Brace brother and one of my best pals, Joe Liss, on here. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, you get the you get the cheer, Joe. Thank you. By the way, I'm trying to get the title for most frequented guest,

and then you brought my biggest rival. That's right. I didn't even gain any footage. It's annoying. I said it to Sarah. I was like, what the fuck is this? I'm the Patreon Prince. You're the free episode.

You are the Prince. Well, I got Patreon, and I lost my shit, and I've never been Patreon again. Otherwise, there's a lot of people upset that you've been Patreoning them. Who are you? You're probably just talking about Ron On.

Is that right? I don't want to... Is that maybe the only guy you've... I'm trying to think about who your most annoying friend is. I love those moments where you try to... Like, what do you call it? Anonymously beat and then you just nail it. I'm like, hey, I know someone that's upset with you.

You know, right on. O's the mentalist figuring out immediately who you're talking about. Yeah, we're very pre-recorded. What do you want for me? Listen, some of us know that our comedy is good enough to go behind a paywall. That's right, JP. Yeah, sometimes you've got to pull yourself by your... Patreon bootstraves.

I'm a comedy Republican. I am an overall leftist, but I'm a common Republican. Earn your own keep, okay? No fucking handouts. Well, that's the thing about comedy. Everyone was like, hey, we're getting rid of all these gatekeepers, which we did. But now the comedians are the gatekeepers. And we're maybe the stupidest people.

We're worse at gatekeeping than the gatekeepers are more. A computer programmed by people that don't understand humanity are now the gatekeepers. That's true. Like they decided what goes fucking viral. It was fun. that that one guy, that like fat Canadian idiot who's like trying to be like who Canadian who's trying to be conservative like that's how pathetic the state of comedy has got but now Canadians are being racist.

It's hard to be that fat and not be funny. Yeah. Who are we talking about? There was a crowd work clip. And by the way, I'm very sorry for my part in this everyone. I do want to make a that I saw that clip and I was like, fuck, I'm not getting into heaven. I was like, I need to commit Sapuku on the. the fucking steps of the comedy seller.

We said that before you're like Oppenheimer visiting the White House after the Adam bomb was dropped. Harry Truman's like, get that fucking pussy out of here. I'm sorry. I just wanted to promote my YouTube special. I had no idea when I was going to unleash. It's refillable.

It was just something where a guy accused a completely silent woman of being triggered. He was bombing so bad at crowdwork. And he was just saying, what are you triggered? and this lady was just being quiet. She didn't laugh. She made a face

and she just kind of sat there, stone-faced, and he just, like, played this whole scenario in his head of, like, talking to her. Yeah. How annoying she would theoretically be. Exactly, exactly. It's like, you know, it's just like this rightward turn to just, the problem is, the gatekeepers are algorithms.

So now people just do whatever gets you attention. Right. And there's no doubt about it. Every algorithm pushes political shit. I ask, with no question. I asked chat. GPT, what algorithm thing? It was like, you gotta start with the punchline.

Yeah, punchline first. A computer was like, let's get the pen first. So you gotta be like, writing her pussy. Oh my God. Anyways, so I was talking to this woman and I said, where should I come? It's like Jeopardy style.

Truly, we have completely flipped comedy. Do your setup in the form of a punchline. Yeah, yeah, yeah. People literally took that advice where they start their clips online with the good part, and then they get back around. Like a Quentin Tarantino start in the middle. Something, a clip like that did get me where a guy was telling a story about Stevie Wonder having guns in his house. And it started with, Stevie Wonder pulls a book from a bookshelf,

the whole, now it turns around and it's all yaminerie. And he's claiming that Stevie Wonder had a Scooby-Doo style bookcase that you flip around an automatic weapon. is what he's hiding there. Is that true? I don't know, but it was an awesome story about Stevie Wonder putting a gun in a guy's mouth

and they clicked the button and it went bang. Like Stevie Wonder's the Joker apparently according to this guy. Anyway, and no disrespect to any of our friends who have done very good characters making fun of their parents.

I've done it. If any of us did a character, repeated character on Instagram or whatever where it was just like saying things your parents say, 20 million followers in days. Yeah.

Just refilling that. If Joe does it, he just keeps saying the N-word over and over again. Get off my freaking lawn. These fucking blacks. They shouldn't... They shouldn't be riding buses.

Oh, I don't like black people don't you know. Oh, we really got to get them out. The one, the nice Minnesota lady who actually supports ice. I think it's good they're rounding up children. Oh, there's got to be more than one. I bet there's a chunk of that talk like that that were pro-eyes.

Oh, absolutely. I think the funniest part of Minnesota is how many of nice little, like, ladies that talk like that were ready to throw Molotov cocktails at cops. Like they are MSNBC moms now that they, these, they're like wearing Chick-Givara shirts. These fucking bids are going full sickle and hammer. It's kind of awesome. They're putting that blue dye streak and just loading up the guns. I would love to serve in a fucking militia, like, like, some fat lesbian

Minnesotan lady, that would be awesome. Someday, we'll get there in a couple of years. I stay strapped on the dead homies, don't you know. But yes, I'm licking my wounds here,

folks. Sorry to everyone for postponing the special. What happens? So, okay, there is no way to make this story

not embarrassing. I just fell off a scooter. There's no, there was no... Like Bobby. Bobby off a scooter? That's how he broke his leg. It was a lot.

lime scooter? No, but I mean, this is like the 90s for God's sake. It was one with like rubber tires. Isn't that how Bobby broke his leg on Torgasm? No, he's playing football. It was like flag football or something. They had to change it so he seemed less gay. Oh, and then he rode a scooter. That's what I'm thinking

of by the day. He had the mobility scooter. That's what it was. Although Sarah and I, we watched it during COVID. It's pretty fun. Seeing Bobby and fucking, I mean, the comedy is tough, but seeing Bobby and like bedazzled fucking vests is so funny. His seven jeans. Dude, he's wearing so, yeah, he's wearing like the jeans two chains wears.

And he's got, and he's got like a fucking Kangol hat on. Bobby's style, fuck. He was kind of coming out of his black comic era at that time. He really was. He really was. It was a sweet evolution to see. I injured my knee the same way Tom Seguer, the same injury, the Pateller tendon. But I was going way faster for the record.

Yeah, yeah, you were a lot more explosive. Yeah, just putting that out there. But this, it's, for sure. But, dude, it was so stupid where I get to my house and I drive to Baltimore. I get there a day early because I'm like, oh, I want to spend some time with my family, see my nephew. I had this beautiful Wednesday planned out where I was going to go play with my nephew,

do PT for my back, a different injury that I just have to put on the back burner right now. Unrelated PT on the back burner. I was going to do unrelated PT at my brother's gym. The back burner. That's right. That's fucking good start. I'm mercy kill stop.

His quality of life was zero. I got the TV. I take the podcast. I slide into that chair. Yeah. Good luck, get them out. Keep going. We have visible.

We have to get paid for the invisible. I already spent the twisted tea money. We've got to get this ad out there. This show must go on. The show must go on. I'm really leveraged right now. I have a lot of cryptos. I've been dipping, yeah.

My poker habit is out of control. I lost $40,000 in Atlantic City last night. I'm selling plasma. Oh, my God. Elders, fucking, if I died, elders would be so sad about his life first and me second. He'd be like, fuck, I have to get a real job. We can't do that. We're going to get you up no matter what, man.

JP just doesn't have the name recognition. He's like, JP, I'm going to need you to gain 200 pounds. I started adding butter to all of J.P. He's meal. Trussing me up in your clothes. JP, everywhere, Hawaiians.

Elders fucking DMs Ben Bankis. He's like, I know how we can do this. It's worked for me before. I've shepherded a fat idiot through, made him famous. Elders pretends he's my manager and he can fucking make him make this. I have the blueprint.

I have the blueprint. Come with me. And then he starts trying to be a lib. He starts trying to do leftist talking points halfheartedly, but he's too stupid to fucking even do that. This is like the director's, Blasbottler from Sunside Boulevard. I made him.

Wait, did you lose your camera? It's on the Mac. Oh, okay. That's the beep you heard earlier. Oh, yeah. That was the AlbaCamp. It's from a piece of technology from 2004. I thought you fucking took his camera away.

Yeah, yeah. He was getting to, his profile was getting too big. I'm only off screen now. Yeah. I start bringing different producers to fucking compete with Elders. I might. We do actually need a backup producer. Shelby.

This is Shelby. He's going to be doing a couple episodes. Do a Bobby. Bobby's got like six guys for every podcast. We have three. We do a podcast. We have three people. It doesn't make any...

We used to have four. We fired one. We had one producer for every person on the show. Dude, I got associate producers. I got executive producers. Yeah. Yeah. He really just, anyone who emails him,

he allows him to be a producer, I feel like. You don't fucking get it. I need multiple people to yell at. He is a genius for. that because he that is true. We've been the one guy with him before. Both of us have literally done it. Eldis is going to hire more producers for that reason.

So he can just disperse. And he's trickling downstream. Eldis is shaking in his boots. Because if we got a like part-time producer, it would probably be someone who knows how this works. And they would instantly within one minute improve everything. Get a chick with tits. Oh, now we're talking.

Younger than you're thinking. Yeah. Now, now I'm kind of on board. That's not a bad idea. He doesn't realize a hot woman could also be better at his job than him. Someone who's easy, easier to sexually harass. That's what I'm saying. This is when the Albanian brain kicks in.

Yes, get girl here. She suck dick. She'd be quiet. Good, good. She would never get promoted. No promotion for beach. I number one. Eld is strong mule producer.

It is against Islamic law to pay her. I'll just get all the money. There was an old club owner who I think still exists. I'll say his name to you afterwards. But he was of some kind of, I think he hadn't been Greek, actually. That makes sense. But he was referring to women to me as cunt instead of pussy. He's like, which would have been bad enough.

Like it's a substance. He's like, you get cunt. Literally. And I was like, what is it? What? He's like, you get cunt back home. I was like, do you smash cunt at home? I was like, I have a girlfriend.

I get one cunt. Oh, dude. That's the only person I've ever heard refer to pussy is cunt. You know, he's trying to make it more positive than negative, I suppose. In the British way, kind of. It's no, I feel like in the British way,

it's almost like asshole. It's always singular. It's always like he's a good cunt. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Yeah. It really is just, cunt is just asshole in England.

Yeah. Anyway, that's well-trod territory. But it is very funny to see Like... Wait, you're hearing what they call cigarettes. Have you heard this? Eldis, Google it. That is what the internet

has become now is just fun facts from like 20 years ago over and over and over again. It's like, did you know we're closer to the Roman Empire than the Roman Empire was to Egypt to like the pharaohs? And it's like, yeah, that was awesome when I saw that on a textbook junior year, but it goes viral every...

But have you seen boobies spelled out on a calculator? Yeah. Only 90s kids will know. Oh, man. So I'm on a scooter and here's the fucking stupidest. It's always something dumb as hell, right? Where the whole reason I'm on the fucking scooter is because my key, my keypad doesn't

work in my house and my friend has a spare key. She's a 50-minute walk away. Beautiful day. I'm like, I'm going to go for a stroll. I was trying to be healthy so I had like pre-ordered groceries to come to house. I was going to make chicken and peps to fuel me for the special. My classic dish, check out Stavi gets ripped everyone. Macros are insane. New season coming as soon as I heal from this and my slipped disc. Anyway, so I order that, so as I'm walking to my friend's place to get the

key, I get the notification that the groceries are about to be delivered. And I'm like, fuck, I can't have my ground chicken and low calorie ice cream melt and go bad. You call up the night rider like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. I call the, I wish I had the bat-wing, dude. I wish I could fucking call up and get it. So I see a fucking scooter on my walk. I'm like, great.

Pop on the scooter. Problem is, it's a windy day. I'm wearing my limited edition Marty Supreme Cap. And it's a dad hat. It's not firmly on my gigantic head. It's windy. Shit's going.

I'm like, all right, next red light, I'm going to stop and get this hat. I make a light, whatever. I see a fucking guy is making a U-turn so I kind of divot The guy who's making the U-turn is a fan

He's like, hey, what's up dude? I'm like, what's up dude? And then as I kind of Already am making a kind of risky move kind of, you know, doing a point on a scooter The wind takes my hat

I hit a fucking little divot in the road I instinctively grab my hat The fucking thing goes into the fucking divot in the road I fucking bump And I just fucking fly out And I guess I went out.

I just landed my whole weight on my arm. And literally I'm like, ha-ha, just a little bruise. Like, you know, for the guy witnesses this. Guy, that's the most embarrassing part. He's got to feel terrible. A fan who looks just like exactly like me, just another fat guy in a flannel or whatever. Sees me. And I'm just like on the ground.

He's like, it goes from delightful moment to him being like, oh, my God. He was like, are you okay? I was like, I'm good. I'm okay. Go away, please. I'm just thinking about, my three years of work going down the drain. And in my head, I'm like, fuck is my, because like, I'm worried about my back.

I'm not even thinking about my arm. I'm like, I just fell off a scooter when they told me to be extra careful with my fucking back for now. I fall. I'm like, fuck, what if I can't move again? What if I had just gotten cortisone shots in my back? I was like, what if that fuck something up? Who knows?

And I'm worried about my back. And so for two hours, I'm just like, oh, I guess I bruised my arm. And then I just went to do like, to move my arm like this, like, you know, know, just twisted, pronated, whatever for those listening. And it was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. And I was like, oh, fuck. And I went to the emergency room hoping it was just a bone bruise. The doctor at the fucking emergency room misreads the x-ray says it's fine.

Oh. They send me home wrapped up anyway. They're like, go get it. Because they're like, so now I'm thinking, fuck, it's an MRI. Thanks, ObamaCare. Yeah, thank you. Thanks, Mondani. Danny. Anyway, and so, and so I'm like, fuck, I tore, I tore the ligaments in my fucking elbow.

I'm fucked, you know, forever. I get a call the next day. They're like, hey, it's actually just broken, which at that point in my head, I'm like, that's actually good news because I'm like, great, put a cast on it. And I'll make a joke out of it. You know, I've had a broken arm before. I'm like, it's in two days. You throw a cast on. I'll be good. And then I get there and they're like, oh, no, you've got the kind of break that you can't put a cast on. You have to, you have to put it in a break. and you also have to move it four times a day or it'll stick. It'll heal the way it is, but it'll stick the way, unless you move it every day, you'll lose your mobility. So I had the kind of-

Like Keith Robinson. Yeah, I'll have stroke arm. Straightest driver in the history of the PGA tour, but go on. Okay. Anyway, so that's basically what happened. I got fucked. And then I was like, okay, great. So listen, I have a fucking stand-up,

and all these people are like talking to me. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm not listening about the long-term stuff because in my head, I'm like, I don't want to lose hundreds of thousands of fucking dollars because I have a huge production about to happen. So, I'm like, so anyway, I need you to inject me with that stuff I see them put in football players? I was like, can you just inject it so I'm completely numb in my left arm for two days? Whatever Hitler was taking in 45. Yeah, I was like, what are they usually to keep Joe Biden a lot? What are they injected in Joe Biden's brainstem right before the debates?

Put that in my left arm for the special. Something better than that, I hope. You're right. Yeah, you're right. Maybe the first, anyway, whatever. Give me pre-jury. Give me sexually harassing 70s Joe Biden, Juice. Anyway, the point is, I tell this, they like, hey, can you inject me with whatever they get?

I literally was like, you know, what they give football players when, like, their ankle is shattered and they still want to play in the Super Bowl. And she's like, what? Yeah. She's like, what the fuck are you talking about? What do you think real life is NFL Blitz? Varsity Blues, lady? Work with me. I'm like, you know, you've seen any given Sunday, right?

Yeah. And she's just looking at me like, I'm the dumb and. guy of all time. She's like, oh, no. She's like, just put it on. People break their arms. And then I start crying. When she's like, when she's like, you can't. I'm eating over here. And then I'm like, I wasn't like, but I started tearing up. I'm like, that doesn't exist. I want to fucking go. I didn't know this point. Okay, all right, all right. I start tearing up because I start seeing the, the culmination of my special go down the drain. I'm like, fuck, I can't do it the way I want to.

I actually love that. And now, why can't you do it like this, though? I don't get it. If it was now, I might be able to. But it happened, it was like, I break marm. And the next day we have to go set the special up. And the day after that, I have to do it. So now I can do this.

The first two days, it was like, if I moved it this much, I was like, ah! Oh, God. So that's why I was like, give me a fuck. I literally asked her for a nerve block, which is what happens before they fucking, like, amputate your fucking, before they- Yeah, they have to do surgery

or they amputate your fucking thing they give you a nerve block and she was like, you don't get a nerve block for, because the thing, the worst part is this isn't that bad, even though it's a painful injury because I have to move it, it's not a bad injury.

It actually heals, it was purely the timing that fucked me. Right. If this happened one week earlier, I just do the special with the bracelet on. You would have been in the middle of the joke and be like, like, fucking ruining everything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's the break up here? The break is like right, right by my elbow, right under my elbow. And so, yeah. It's so fucked up. Did it go? I didn't, it just...

It's like where this upper inside bone meets the elbow, correct? Because you said radial. I think it's a radial headbreak. Something like that. Oh, radio. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, you know. I have one of those in my car. Cuba getting junior. Makes you a retarded football. But, but that, then I did feel like such a... And I did feel like a pussy for crying because I love stand-up so much.

And then the next day after I... It's kind of romantic. After I had canceled, after I canceled, after I, after I can't the special boat. And thank, by the way, I'm really sorry everybody in Baltimore, but also thank you to the lyric.

Doing it in Baltimore saved my life because everybody played ball. They were basically like, no worries, we'll just do it in July. We found a date that works, July 18th and 19th. Please come out.

If you have to get a refund, I get it, but now it opens it up for people that didn't get tickets because we were, dude, we ever sold out four shows at the lyric. 8,000 fucking tickets

for a special. I felt so good. So guys, we still want it. sold full to the brim. Please buy your tickets. I love you Baltimore. And I do love Baltimore because every vendor, everybody that we had hired, they're like, no worries. I'm out the money that like bringing people over. And there were some things I couldn't get a refund on. But at the end of the day, I didn't lose the whole budget, which is what I was worried about. So shout out

to my hometown for taking care of me. I love you. That was my applause. We're fast and loose with those over here. But yeah, so I will, I'll be fine. I'll be fine. And it's just also, the timing is horrible because I postponed the special and then I'm shooting a movie and I had to just go. I was shooting something where I had to like keep my arm propped up and I took the brace off because if I can prop it, whatever. I just don't know, you know, I'm stupid. I just told them wrong information. And I'm just riffing. And I'm like, there's so much fucking pain.

I was filming a movie about cross country skiing. Yeah. Doing this all day. But anyway, we'll persevere. Thank you to everybody for buying, take. who's bought tickets and sorry to everybody who can't make it to the new one. But it's still going to be a banger. But that's how I got my

ass fucked. That's what I get for trying to be a fat man. A 37 year. The fan fucked you in the ass. This is a lot of opportunity. I was in pain. The guy came over, fucked my ass. I can't imagine if I'm in like driving down the street and like Eddie Vedder is walking by and then just falls and breaks his ankle.

He falls out. Hey, he, he. Mom hurts. I'm going to kill my seat. I'm still alive. I just fucked up my home today. Oh, fuck, dude. So whatever.

It sucks, but, you know, people with much harder jobs fuck their arms up, so I'll be okay. There's always like a Mexican dude on every job side who's ACL tour 25 years ago. And he walks with like a circular motion of his leg and still works 16 hours of dead. And he's so strong.

And he does it carry a fridge. Yeah, and he's a four-two guy with the weirdest gate you've ever seen in your life, like a one-inch difference limp, and he's still, you know, climbing on. He's here legally, fellas? Think about it? Maybe think about it. All right. You got all the health care better than that.

Something to think about, folks. Right. Did you ever, I mean, you obviously have a fucked up. You very famously fucked your knee up dunking. throwing it down windmill 360 yeah but you missed the whole fucking tour as a result you miss the bus so we're really

decimated by injury here yeah yeah it's fucking crazy and eldest is going to PT for his knee tomorrow good yeah I bet you have a meniscus tear or something people often have meniscus tears they don't realize it yeah that's it's been fucking give pain like in pain for for a while now but he was playing hurt at Radio

City he's got the fucked up right knee I got the fucked up left eldest is the king of weird he had an ankle sprain that basically he had to move back to Baltimore for for like six months. I just stopped going to my old job and like let my mom nurse me back to hell for like four months when I had just moved to New York and I was taking eldest in my fucking shitty my 97 Honda Civic. Yeah.

I remember that was like my welcome to New York moment was seeing Eldis on all fours going up the steps. Yeah, that was fucked. It was pathetic too because I didn't tell my family for like a week after it happened. I was like, let me just see how this goes. You can't show weakness. to an Albanian family. No.

They'll kill you like the runt of the litter. They'll throw you off of the lip side. Yeah. Don't spray me or have black friends. He is wing. Or you are out of family. But yes, you eldest. So we eldest,

and you had some weird shit on your, your shoulder or all last tour, remember? Oh, yeah. I fell because I was like, like speedwalking to get to the Airbnb, Columbia, really had to take a shit. Yeah.

I was like walking fast and I missed, I missed the curb. He gave me one guess as to why he was speedwalking. You didn't have to finish that sentence. Elders. Everyone knew why you were speedwalking. When he gets those hips going. Yeah. And I fell, I felt like I missed the curb and I just fell on my forearm.

That just like fucked me for like the next two months. No, I made it. Oh. Yeah. He's got to, for all his faults, powerful. think they're on the kid. Have you fucked up your stuff in a way that impacted your comedy career? No. I mean, I've sprained my ankle.

By the way, I'm the oldest one here. I'm the healthiest guy. This is, you guys are coming apart at the scene. This is terrible. I know. I sprained my ankle on graduation day. I didn't go to any college, obviously. But the day I graduated, I was all pumped,

and we were playing volleyball, and brown sugar was on. And I was doing a Mick Jagger, and there was like a ditch. And I think my father put it there. And I just, I was like, fucking brown jug! And then we had, bow! I got a shotgun. And so like, it was very metaphorical or symbolic, like 40 minutes after I graduated. The rest of your life kid's going to fucking suck now, too.

I was just in the hospital and what? Oh, it was like your high school graduation party. Yeah, yeah. I was like, we finished, we graduated and went straight to my parents' house and started playing barbecue, you're playing volleyball. Congrats, Joe. From where you're on out, it's all downhill from here. You're a cock sucker.

And my girlfriend at the time had painted my toenails, mint green. And they were like, we got to take the sock all the way off. And they pulled it off. My father was like, what the fuck is this? Put it on, put it back on. You're on your own, kid. Yeah. No painkillers for you.

And then when I was sleeping, he shaved all my hair off. It said, wait till the army gets you. You just wake up at basic training. You're like, huh? What the fuck? He can enlist. little light in the loaf of it. Before I don't ask, don't tell. That would be smart to go to your fucking army recruitment with fucking painted toenails.

That's like a subtle Robin Williams joke in whatever, whatever movie's like, I haven't sashed since I was in front of the draft board. That's right. Oh, is it, is it, uh, Mrs. Dalfire? I think it was Mrs. Dauphire. Harvey Firestein is telling him to begin. No, it's the other one. What's the other one? Where he's supposed to be, us to be gay? In the bird cage, he pretends to be straight. He walks like John Wayne.

That's a great. That's a great. You get off your horse and you head into the saloon. Yeah. And somebody pointed out, which is hilarious, that Robin Williams in the Burrache and Ace Ventura have the exact same outfit.

Yes. They're dressed exactly the same. 100%. Very funny. That is funny because nothing about Ace Ventura feels gay and everything about Robin Williams in that movie feels gay. That's good acting, baby.

Because sometimes the clothes can really fucking... It's gay and powerful versus straight and flamboyant. Yeah, straight. Ventura is a flamboyant straight. Yeah, it's straight in like a... He fucks the dog shit out of that lady in that one scene. He's really plowing. Courtney Cox.

Yeah, he plows her like seven or eight times. He does fuck her nice in that. Yeah. As all the animals are there. Primo. Courtney Cox, too. Yeah. Now, I have this question today.

Did that song have sexual undertones before that? Because now that means sex. The mighty jungle? Yeah. The lion sleeps tonight. I guess a woman with an unshaved bush, that's her mighty jungle. It's very, you know. In the jungle, the mighty jungle.

The lion's sleeping. He sleeps. Does he sleep after getting pussy? I'll just look this. Look the lyrics. Maybe it's a rape song. A rape song? Yeah, they put him to sleep. You know, Cosby raped the lion. Yeah, he's sleeping. He's sleeping. So Cosby rapes the lion.

You know that lion rape? Street joke. I don't. Remember that joke? You know that joke? I don't think so. A lion rape? There's a lion. He's running in the jungle or whatever, and he's chasing a, I don't know, a rabbit. Yeah. And the rabbit runs really fast, and then the lion gets stuck down a hole.

Like his heads down the hole with his ass in the air. He's like, help me step, bro, I'm stuck. The lion is basically in the dishwash, in the washing machine. Yeah. Have you seen that genre of pornography, Jim? I have not. Oh, you should check it out. Help me, I'm stuck.

I will check that out. And some guy's like, please help. And then somebody just fucks her pussy anyway. But then a big bear comes. The big grizzly bear comes. And he fucks the lion in the ass. He rapes the lion's going, who's back there? I know it's you, bear.

You big bear, you piece of shit. And the bear's like, oh, shut up. And he holds his tail up and he comes all over his tail. And then he takes out. And the bear's like, I'm going to chase you down. I'm going to get you. I'm going to kill you. So the bear leaves after he comes on the lion.

And then he's going. And then the lion gets free. And he's running. So the bear comes across a camper. Uh-oh. Camp site. And he scares off the human being guy. And he puts on the guy's hat and glasses and grabs his newspaper.

And a few. seconds later, the lion comes up to the thing and he goes, hey, have you seen a fucking big bear with gum all over his gunk run by here? And the bear puts the newspaper down and looks over his glasses and says, oh, the bear that fucked the lion on the ass? And the lion goes, it's in the paper already? That's basically that. That's a great joke.

That's a fucking great joke. I've never heard that, man. Yeah, that's a fun one. That's good stuff. It's in the paper already. The fact that the lion's talking to a person. The existence of newspapers in the jungle. That's the jungle where a barren lion are together.

They don't live in the same climate. A rabbit, not a fucking gazelle or something. Whatever. Also, he knows it's going to be in the paper eventually. He just can't believe it's made it in there already. It's in the evening edition. He's not eating the guy for strength or anything. He's asking a human being

If you've seen a gay bear Walk the bear, the bear is in the costume I know what I'm saying is the lion He's not eating a man He thinks he's a man Yeah, I think so For directions He's asking him for help

Now this guy's Dr. Doolittle or something I see There's a lot of great elements That only enhance the joke Yeah yeah It's good fun It's good fun So you

So just the sprained ankle And then I sprained it again later But yeah no broken bone Knock on wood. There's wood in there. Yeah. Never a break, huh? No.

I know it feels stupid because a break is a little kid's injury. Like meniscus, that's a man's injury. You know what I mean? Ligaments, that's for a man. Broging disc. Break your arm off a scooter? I'm a let's what a seven-year-old does, dude. Yeah.

You fill off a razor. Yeah, dude, it's literally like an injury that a fucking grown man should not get. I haven't even heard of anyone with a broken arm in a long time. Yeah, I know. It's fucking pathetic. I feel so fucking pathetic. But, you know, and it's,

And it really makes you realize how fucked you are. How, like, anyone disabled at all, how fucked they are. You know that on some level, but it's like when you go... And also that every one of us is this close from some crazy shit happening that completely changes your entire fucking life. Yeah. It's fucking insane, dude. We're all so close to pulling a U-turn on a scooter with a puddle while pointing out to a fan.

No, a stupid thing happening due to a series of dumb little events could change anyone's life. That's true. You know? But, you know, we're per- Again, we're persevering. We're going to get that shit going. And I am addicted to weed in crazy amounts again.

Like, I just take 100 milligrams and it feels like I took a 10 milligram. You're like it's for medicinal purposes. It really is, though, now, because like, now I have to fucking, the pain at night is so bad. I just have to fucking... Yeah.

You know what I mean? You have to turn your brain. Because now... That's why I was taking the perks the first few nights that they gave me after the surgery just to sleep. Don't worry about it. I bet you could get it.

What's it worth to you? I mean, name your price. Suck him off. Suck him off. Yeah, Elders will suck your dick if you give me the perks. You and elders are going ass-to-ass for my remaining perks. I didn't pull it out for him. I was about to say that line.

That's so funny. But that line is just buried in us. It's incredible. I didn't pull out. I mean, Keith David saying that the most evil. Like, that's Satan. And I didn't pull it out for Air Cinderella. It's like, that's what the devil would sound like.

Oh, and he's having fun. That's fun devil. not like, cheeky devil, not like, you know. I guess that's not exactly fine. I can't think of the name of that movie right now. Requiem for a drink. Yeah, God, my fucking brain is fried. God, Keith David is the fucking man.

I almost said Momento. Memento is pretty good. Yeah. I love Memento. Just a totally different movie. Yeah, I don't think. Is there a black person in Memento? I can't think of one off the top of my head.

Pretty much everyone is Joey Pantleiano, the fat guy at the front desk. Does he get, oh, is a tattoo artist? black or something. Anyway, look that up, I'll just figure that out. Did you ever figure out if in the jungle,

if there's any sex undertones to... I have the lyrics. We could go verse by verse. There are a whole bunch of lyrics. We can go verse by verse. You didn't fucking pre-look at it when we were having this conversation.

The first two, the first are like, you know, in the jungle, near the village, the peaceful village, whatever. The third verse is,

my darling, don't fear my darling. The lion sleeps tonight. Hush, my darling. Don't fear my darling. the lion sleeps tonight. Oh, so maybe it's about a guy.

Don't get eaten by a lion undertones. Or maybe we're free to fuck. Yeah. The lion is sleeping. Because you can't pause to fuck when the line. He might smell your pussy. He might smell your cock. You might draw the lion to you.

When a woman comes, she goes a wee-a-mom away. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Is that kind of the... I think so. I'm not seeing anything definitive, but that's the vibe I get. I think Ace Ventura is a big part of it. And, of course, all the sounds in the song,

It's kind of vibe. We're not going to find in the lyrics. It's more vibe and undertones. Because it became a joke for people of my age. It was like if you saw two people holding it, you'd go, it was like a funny like, it became that thing. Now it means sex. I've always existed in a world where that song means sex to me.

You know why it's spiritually linked with the Little Mermaid's song. Like you got to kiss the girl, whoa, whoa. It's like a very similar kind of almost. Caribbean fuck song. This guy knows Little Mermaid. Yeah. What do you put on when you got set? Yeah, yeah.

I don't know every other song, but that one from the Little Mermaid. I don't remember that one. I remember obviously under the sea. And part of your world is a pretty... Part of your world. Is that Little Mermaid? Oh, who's gay now?

I didn't know that was little Mermaid. You knew the gayer song. I had the... Joe doesn't know. He just listens to Broadway. We just listen to Broadway show tunes. He's like, well, I put the original cast recording in my CD play. Part of your world.

I do not fuck girls. I want to suck on a man's dick. Yeah, we don't need to have it be connected to the joke, guys. You could just make it game. That's a plug and play, baby. That's the million dollar formula. That's the formula. That's the fucking KFC secret blend.

and spices of stop his words. Those are the herbs and spices, that's the one thing we carried over from Comptown. When in doubt, sing something gay. Come on my back. Don't clean it off. Joe wants to peel it off a couple days later.

Superman and ho. Like a bear on a tree. And it's all gone full circle now with the bear. And the bear, fuck the guy. Yeah. Fuck the lion. Yep, yep. And very same bear.

Mm-hmm. Elders, now have you figured out if there were any black people in Memento? That's looking inconclusive. I don't think so. Okay. I got to search that too. Why don't we get to the IMDB?

I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but, you know, maybe go somewhere where they list the whole fucking cast and see if anyone's black. Let's see. I just saw speaking. Oh, wait, no, that's Nolan. Well, Christopher Nolan is Momentum. I think, I think, Reck William for Dream.

Who directed Requiem for Dream? That's, what's his toes. Is that Aronofsky? Who did Reckman for a dream? Is it the same guy who did Dyn Darko? Oh, maybe. I don't remember. Because I want to say somebody who it definitely isn't. It is Aaronofsky.

Oh, good pool. Fun name to say, Darren Aronovsky. Darren Aronovsky. Again, shout out to the whale, one of the funniest movies ever made. I saw it on a plane with someone else watching it, and I was cracking up at the end. It was more of the funny endings. We're laughing so hard. We held hands and laughed at the end so fucking much.

Was I with you guys? One of you, one of them watching it? It's possible. I think you were behind. us because we were next to each other. And I remember seeing that last scene of hearing you cackle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so fucking funny.

It was on a trip where all three of us were together. He's got some bangers, though. The wrestler, you know, Black Swan, great movies. For some reason I was thinking, Memento was thinking fucking the Wokowski's, but they have nothing to do with that. I think that was Nolan. I know.

I don't know why I'm thinking them. I did see. You're she Speed Racer? I mean, I know you did. I don't think so. It's good. All the allele of Meal Hirsch? Yeah, Meal Hirsch. No. They re-released it on 420 on IMAX and we went and saw it.

It rips. Oh, fun. Yeah. I'm shocked you never, because you're a very sporty guy. I'm shocked you never had any injuries. You know, because my,

I would, you know, me and my family fucked each other up on. I think we're kind of cut from the same genetic line, and I don't think I've ever had a bone break either. Really? I've had maybe little cracks in my bones, but never like a significant one.

Any pull, were we pulling hammies, or you just an iron man? Are you fucking Cal Ripkin, Jr.? over there? Um, No, no real injury. I mean, I had a calf strain, I think, doing MMA.

I remember being like, ah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was a bummer, but that was like, that was you just jacking off in the locker room? Yeah, yeah. Because you were on your toes peeking over the stall to look at someone. Ah, calf strain. No, I remember doing that, but that was just like kind of a limp for a couple days.

I do yoga, you know, I'm a big stretchy guy. You are very healthy. I'm about to get into yoga. That sounds like it rocks. I've been doing hot yoga the last few days. Yesterday, I did it back-to-back days. And yesterday I was so depleted afterwards. I just get the baby and all that.

But, yeah, yoga rules. And the chicks are just so hot. Yeah, your great yoga joke, I'm always jealous of it. Oh, thanks, buddy. Every time I take a yoga class, I'm like, I got to write a bit about this. And I just inevitably just end up stealing your bit in my head. Oh, thank you. Fuck, that's Joe's joke.

Take it. It didn't do that much for me. It'll be much bigger in your hands. Fucking. Yeah, I just start doing my friends great jokes from a few years. years ago and nobody gives a fuck. That's how artistically bankrupt. That's where we're at. Yeah. No one would even notice.

People really do, it is crazy how people just steal ideas, just non-stop. There's no, online there is, it's just the Wild West. I think we're probably like 10 years away. Not even ideas, execution as well. I've seen copies, there's like a lift and Uber of the same viral video for everything. It's crazy. I do think we're starting,

as that just becomes what art is, I think clearly the defining type of art in for this for this like up and coming generation without question is video editing or just editing in general. Editing was never like the premier thing but that clearly is like this generation's like rock and roll in my opinion.

Like where it's like making edits. Making edits like we are about to produce the best editors ever. Yeah. Because these kids think like editors from the moment. That's how they interact with everything. And it keeps getting easy. year to do as this generation gets older.

Like they're going to be unbelievable. But I do think it's going to be a thing like vaudeville where it's like, you know, when comedy first started, you could just, there was a guy who made his career by just sending his agent to go, oh, that's a good gag. Pick that up. Put that in your act. Yeah. That's kind of how people create viral careers now where they're like, ooh, steal that.

But I think as this just becomes, because right now, art is controlled by people who disdain short form video content and we don't see it as real art. Yeah. But as they age into controlling culture. and society, I think that's when we start having standards on plagiarizing internet content. I hope so. I think so. There's a thing, like, I had this video get, like, kind of viral of, like, doing an impression

based on my dad of, like, an old guy talking about sports or whatever. I remember. That's a great, that's a great character, yeah. And then some guy, I won't say who he is, he made a very similar character and in the caption, and has since gone on to become, like, famous from it. He's, like, character inspired by McDade Baby. And I commented on it, I was like, so you just took my idea and made it worse? and he's just like a shittier version of that

and he's like I won't say but he's like through you tell us if you would like us to put him on blast I'll fucking tear him up no no the attention economy

God JP's too good a guy I want to fucking shit on this guy publicly dude fuck you dude JP won't let me do it but everybody say

fuck you to this guy make one of the theoretical guy go pick go find no it wasn't bleep that out we've already

taken enough shots on this episode We don't need the fucking... Really hide it because I know you're bad at your job. Don't make it be a short bleep where everybody can see my mouth clearly. Anyway, whatever.

Who fucking cares? Everything sucks tomorrow. But I did... And you know what... The best part, though, was the first couple of days after break when I did cancel the special. I was like... I just had three days of sitting on my couch

with my arm iced and just watching movies. I was like, fuck. was breaking my arm like these three days are the best days I've had because I just got to chill I didn't have responsibilities I could watch some fucking movies

It was like COVID when COVID started I was like this is exactly what I needed Yeah yeah yeah Yeah for real And now I have a fucking week Between off on the movie I mean we gotta do some podcast and shit Because again

No broken arm is gonna stop me From entertaining you guys While you do your dishes And walk your dog okay Even with a broken bone Stavros can sit in the chair with his feet up and talk about cum.

No properly braced bone break. The surgeons are like, you're not cleared to sit in a chair. You're not cleared. Don't even think about it. Yeah, to laugh at a lion getting his ass fucked. You're not cleared to chuckle in a bear fucking a lion in the ass.

I would it be in the paper that quick. You know, it just shows you the state of journalism in this country, man. When they wrote that joke, that was feasible. It's not about who. who's right, it's about who's first. We don't have gay... Our gay sexed forest

division of the New York Times has been slashed. Ever since Bezos bought it, no one's reporting on animals fucking on each other's asses anymore. I'm off social media. I've deleted off my phone. I got no social media on my phone.

That's my feeling incredible. It's pretty great. Yeah. I did that too for the week, for the week where I was like, don't fucking... When you break, when you do something as fucked up

as shitty as like postpone a special, I was like, I don't need to be on the internet. for people being mad at me. So I took it off and I think I'm going to just keep it. It's great. Because I, for a week I didn't have it.

And then I put it back on for, I think I wanted to like post. I think I put it back on just to post, I don't know, some postponement thing. And then there was some reason last week I had to take it back. And for a day, I had just had it on my phone. I was so unhappy. And I was like, all right, it's gone. I don't give a fuck. Elders can post somebody else.

fucking post. But yeah, dude, I'm gonna just fucking sit here, broken, you know, sit up, feet up. I think I'm gonna go over all of Scorsese's filmography. Oh, that's. Just Howard Hughes's the whole time, just pissing jars, watch everything. Yeah. Including the aviator.

Yeah. I wanted to, I'm gonna, I've never, because I've seen all the gun stuff, but I didn't, I'm like, you know, all the mafia movies, all the like, cool, fun ones. But I'm just a goodfellas to gun stuff is really. No, but what I'm saying is Scorsese is such a, of a varied filmmaker. Sure. That I love all his,

and not just the, you know, obviously I've seen all the fun ones, to me, all the fun ones is the crime genre. And then after hours and a, but I just, you know, I never saw. Age of Innocence.

Age of Innocence. Even New York, New York, because it's hard to find. Yeah. I want to see that one. It's like, his Jesus movie or something. I did see Last Temptation of Christ.

Because I got, I got really into that book. The Bible? No. No. No, that ain't. brother. I was reading it basically in my like annoying, you know, fucking Ricky Jervais style atheist.

Just going, period. No. Okay. Do you think this happened? And it was, you know, he's a Greek all. Kazadzaki is like a classic Greek book. So I was like, all right, let me fucking read last time. And it was a great book.

And I was, that was the summer I had, I was working at Blockbuster. It's about fucking. Yeah, pretty much. It's basically like, come on. That's the song that was playing when Jesus Fucked Mary Magdalene in the book. Ooh, that would be a funny edit. I don't remember if he fucks her in it.

And then, but yeah, Willem Defoe is Jesus with Martin Scorsese. Come on. That's going to be. And then, and fucking the best part is Who does Harvey Kytel play? Does he play Pontch's Pilot or Judas? I don't even fucking remember. Listen, my hands are tied.

Judas! Here you're going to cost 30 pieces of silver. But yeah, it's just, Harvey Kitell is just Harvard. Who does he play? He's Judas. He's Judas. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that's the best part. He's the man. Listen, you know, we grew up together, but, you know. Jesus, come on. I would never sell you out. 30 pieces of silver. You think I'd sell you out. You're my guy.

Jesus. I got that. No honest man can pay. Yeah, yeah. Judas is, Judas bet on the fucking Mets. He kept losing on the Mets. Another great Harvey Kytel performance. Go check out, uh, bad lieutenant folks.

Anyway. So, yeah, I'm going to fucking crush the Scorseseezy filmography. and just fucking watch Age of Innocence, watch the ones about Jesus and shit like that. What's the one with fucking Andrew Garfield? I want to watch that one. Under the Silver Lake? No, no, yes.

Scorsesey directed that. What's that movie called? The journey or the something, the church. The silence. Silence, yes. The journey. The journey. I don't know.

It was a whole journey. I couldn't get through that fucking thing. There were all these theories about the movie under the Silver Lake, about how it was shelved and the promotion was canceled because it gave away too much about the entertainment industry. About how Hollywood is run.

How it actually works? Dude, honestly, I think they're probably right. Yeah, sorry. I'm just becoming stiff. I have something to say, Mr. McDade. That movie's fucking awesome. And I do believe that that's how Hollywood is run. Getting this much into the entertainment industry,

I'm like, whoa. Yeah. Wow, this is fucking hilarious. How much fucking crazy weird shit is happening around these motherfuckers. But, you know, someday I'd love to... Yeah, because under the Silver Lake, the plot is basically Andrew Garfield, like, kind of falls in love. Or he has a connection to this hot girl in his, you know, apartment building. Actually, I guess I shouldn't give it away.

Yeah, don't give it away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She disappears one day and hijinks ensue. Yeah, yeah. She disappears and it becomes like a, a new arm. She gets stuck in a washing machine. She's like, come help me, Andrew Garfield. And then he fucks her pussy in the Spider-Man costume.

What is he good? Come help me. The genre is stuck, it's stuck, I guess. If I had to, stuck in the washing machine. And I don't know. Cuck, I know. Cuck, I know. Cuck, I know.

You have another great cuck joke about that. How you, how you just look like the guy. Cuck porn. It's great, but you got to see it live. I'm not, I have no desire to watch somebody else fuck my girlfriend. No, zero. Well, you've never had a girlfriend. I've had a girlfriend before.

Oh, okay. But it just that. I didn't meet her. I've never ever once I've known you 20 years you never like this is Julie my girlfriend JP's the closest thing

or eldest I should say what do you think Jay stands for I put on a wig sometimes Julie Perry Winkle you think he keeps me around on the road because I'm a good hang I fuck JP's mouth I've never seen you just arm and arm

with a lady show up at the cellar well why would I do that it's my place of work All right. Well, we're friends. You can show up my house. I know. We've hung out. Yes. You're right. By the way, I bring the lady.

Marty still plays your car. He knows. My son knows every person that gave him every gift. Hell yeah. He's like, oh, stuff gave him this to me. I got to hang out. Holy shit. What a man. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, it's pretty amazing. I've never remembered my whole childhood.

I never remembered one gift. He remembers every single one. What a fucking good guy. I love Marty, man. He's the man. Yeah, he's all right. How's you doing? He's got any new tricks? He's good. The other day, I was sitting. with him and then Sarah sat down. He goes, Mama, get off the couch.

I go, Marty, that's not nice. That's not nice. He goes, please. He thought it wasn't nice because he didn't say please. Please go stand in the laundry room. It's fellas night, mom. We're watching the Celtics. Did I tell you that one too? Speaking of basketball, we're in the cab. This is a while ago. This is like a year ago. We were in the cab and he just goes, basketball. And I looked. I thought there was going to be people playing basketball. It was literally just four black guys posing for a photo.

They were like taking a photo. And he was like, oh, basketball. He thought it was Shaq, Chuck, Kenny. Inside the NBA. I was like, man, we got to watch some other stuff. He's like, oh, hoops. Smart kid. He thought it was the Fab Five.

He's like, a guru of black guys. Basketball. I was like, sort of. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. She's got to watch some classic black cinema. Maybe some black sitcoms. Yeah. UPN. My, that was fucking awesome. Shee. That's the wire.

He was great in that. But yeah, dude, you watch some fucking, you watch fucking girlfriends. I've talked about girlfriends on, produced by Kelsey Grammar, hilariously.

That's a show, girlfriends? It was just four hot black ladies. It was basically like the UPN black. It was basically, basic TV black sex in the city, sort of. No one can orchestrate a series

about the black female experience like me, Kelsey Greil. Like I can. He's on a fucking boat. I'm invited to the cookout. I'm at the cookout, Niles, and you're not. Because you're gay. Girl, let me show you how to manage

your baby hairs. Your edges are fucked up. Bitch, that wig is synthetic. So in place of yin-yang twins. Miss Sarah, you really put your foot in this cold slough. You put your whole pussy in the

mac and cheese, Miss Sarah. Are these Kelsey Grammar impression? I kind of lost the plot a little. These are solid grammars. You never thought Kelsey Grammar was British growing up watching Frasier. This might be a pure age difference because we're slightly younger

and to us, Frasier was British, I feel like. If you watch him as a child... I never watched Frasier, but I watch Cheers and he've... He kind of said, hmm, yes. He got a little more into the Transylating thing as he got older, I guess. I guess so.

In Cheers, he's kind of like the, you know, upper crust, you know, hoity tooty liberal type of shit. Let me help you deal with your baby daddy. Bitch, I know you need some bills paid I've got Metro PCS if you're willing to suck for it suck me for your Metro PCS We all know you got that bag at the Sloss and Swap Meat

Who does she think she fooled? It ain't stricking if you got it Anyway This is awesome Bitch that says VSL on the bag We all know It's a big Fuck.

All right. To stop me and J.P. from doing invited to the cookout Kelsey Grammar. Let's move on to some questions, shall we? And I hear at the halfway point, do either of my good pals have anything to plug? Halfway. Well, not quite half. I don't know.

This is a marathon. Anything to plug, Joe? Yeah. When does this come out? I don't know. Find me on the internet. In what, a week and a half? Two weeks?

25th? Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty recent. Yeah. I'm trying to think of my UK tour. I'm out in the UK. I'm in Dublin.

Pull it up, Beldust. No, I'm in Belfast on the 28th, I think. Nice. And then I'm in governors, but Tom Dustin, portrait of a comedian, my documentary with my friend Tom Dustin is on punchup live.com.

I love it. Watch that. And I don't know. A great fucking filmmaker. Are you going to make some more movies? What are you doing? Well, I got the Skank Fest doc right now. I'm in the middle of it. Oh, fuck.

Are you editing it? Are you going to make it again? I mean, I have a guy edited it, but I'm watching all. the footage going cut it here and cut it there we have a thousand hours of footage. Holy shit. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. It's going to be insane.

That's from last year? This past year, yeah, November. And there's pussy and tits and it's crazy. I mean, it's a gun jujitsu. I mean, ladies taking their shaved pussies out. It's completely insane. You got to get over to Skangfest.

If they do it in New York again, I'd love to do it. I just don't want to travel. I mean, the last couple years my travel schedule has been so fucking nuts that This is what everyone said, but it's fucking crazy. It's the most fun. I just traveling fucking sucks. I get it. I can't wait.

Come visit me in Austin. Are you really moving? No, maybe. I'm going to kill myself if you fucking move to us. Anyway, play a fucking call, Elders. Hey, Zavis. Hey, Aldous. Hey, esteemed guest and or guests. My name is Dominic, and I'm an EMT in Texas here.

I'm calling in because I have a lot of issues with. my co-worker. Whenever you're working in EMS, you know, there's two people in an ambulance. And the last partner that I had a couple of months ago quit, he was awesome, love that dude, and then I get this girl now, and I'll tell you what, it's a fucking nightmare. You know, EMS requires physicality, it requires making decisions under stress. All these things, and whenever you're responding to emergencies and non-emergencies, going to hospitals, dealing with patients, you need a form of that. You know, essentially this girl has none of that shit.

It's a nightmare every time I work with her. She asks dumb-ass questions to nurses. She makes legitimate, like, potentially fatal clinical errors with patients. I mean, it's bad, dude. She falls down just on flat ground whenever we're moving patients in. She makes bad calls. I mean. Yeah, she sucks.

It's just horrific, dude. Like, I can go on and on. Essentially, I need to let my company know about this because it's getting increasingly worse. I either want her fired or I just want to work with a different person. But I'm torn. Do I, I don't really know how to present this to my supervisor. I have a lot of events written down, but I want to present this to my supervisor.

I don't want to, like, get this person, I don't know if I want to get her fired. I, like, she needs to work and get money, but also, like, maybe this job just isn't for her, man. Like, she bucks up so much and so often. Like, it scares me whenever she has to take care of someone, because she legitimately has no clue what she's doing. So I'm just torn, man, and, you know, if any of you guys could help me out, you know, I'd love to. Do I, you know, if I can pull the, try to get this bitch fired because she sucks at a job or like, I don't know, man. I'm torn. Okay.

I'm going to call 911 on this man for his misogyny. I just feel like he could have lingered on the she's falling down. Yeah, what do you mean? She's falling down. She makes bad calls. I'm like, wait, what? She's walking and falls down. So, okay.

Just Dick Van Dyking over injured page. We're like vagina Van Dyke. Respect. Very nice to done. Thank you. So there's a couple things here. The first thing is it always sucks when you're in the perfect groove at a job. And you're with like, or even with us, it's like, like, you know, bringing you on the road.

It's like we have it so dialed in. We've got our crew. You fucking breaking your knee. or whatever the fuck the operations up. Now luckily, and actually we did kind of have, you know, we did get a woman who falls down a lot and sucks. No, no, Sarah was great. You had very funny people in my place, I will say.

We had very funny people. We actually had a fuck it. We had Sarah. Sarah came for a couple. My wife? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She was on the bang, the regular bus. The regular bus.

Oh? Sarah Sherman, Maddie Smith. DeVeez. Anthony DeVito and Sahib Singh. We had a great crew, but it always sucks. But I remember having like a fucking day job and you're like partner or the person training you's awesome. And then they reassign you or the training period's over

and you just have to work with someone who sucks. Or you find out that they called out when you come in for your shift. Right, right, right, right, right. Well, yeah, yeah. Somebody is like, you know, I remember being in college, we would go make fucking pizzas as a fun rate. We would sell pizzas at Raven Stadium as like a college fundraiser. And when it was, it was actually, that was a great.

It was so fun to do hungover. It was like a, you know, 19-year-old. But when it was your boy, it was like your boys, it was fun as shit. You guys all got fucked up the night before and you're just making pizzas, but it was like a bad crew. It was one of the worst days of your life. So that's number one. You're just going through the vibes are fucked. That's one.

And spiritually, that may be affecting you a lot more than even her being that bad at her job. And now we have the second part, which is she's just bad at the fucking job. And so there's two things here. One is, why did his first person get reassigned? Did he explain it? Was it just a... Did he say he quit? He quit?

Oh, the first person quit. They can go to Austin. Oh, so, yeah. Because he thought it would be a boon to him professionally, but it definitely wouldn't be. Because all the EMTs are way worse in Austin than they are in New York. All the EMTs just talk about woke culture when they pick you up. The first thing they do in Austin,

also the EMTs, as soon you get to check a woman's fucking pussy to be like, all right, right, right, it's a pussy. It's not a fucking dick. All right, we get to talk. take this one. Anyway, so, now my question is, did you, because if you're a more senior person who gets a new

person, is this maybe just you need to be kind of a mentor to this person? Were they expecting you to train her in any way? Do you have any responsibility here? My question is, when she's made all these mistakes. Step one, stay upright. Yeah, step one, don't fall. I mean, a man always needs to train a woman

to some extent. that is true. Even in a professional environment, you must control yo bitch. So there's kind of, that's maybe step one. Make her smell the latex clothes. If you're in EMT.

And I guess my question is, when this person fucks up and they're new to the job, did you, were you like, hey, actually do this? Or did you see somebody

you didn't like as much as your friend and immediately go into fucking. Let her fail. You know what I mean? Did you immediately, like your boy's gone.

So now you're like, oh, this fucking dumb bitch doesn't even know how to take blood. Instead of being like, hey, do it this way. You immediately took the notebook out and we're like, documenting this, documenting this. Hey, don't put the defibrillator on his dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, look, in life, most of life is being put in a fucked up situation that shouldn't happen. Almost everything, every time I've ever done anything, like even fucking, I don't want to do a movie, and pretend my arm's not broken.

I have to just pretend. Like, it's not, I'm just not going to do, it's not going to be as good as if I was in perfect conditions, right? Or when I throw my back out and remember Florida when I couldn't even fucking walk? I don't want to do stand up when I can't even fucking move. And was it the best? No, but I may do and whatever. So sometimes you just have to get through it.

But if you have done your due diligence and tried to make the best of the situation and tried to make fucking lemonade out of lemons, even though, again, you shouldn't have, it's not your job to train someone who's shitty. but in reality that happens a lot and not just with EMTs with corporate jobs with entertainment and every field this happens

if you really tried and she's so bad and you throw in the fact that this isn't stand-up which doesn't matter this isn't some middle management bullshit that Elders used to do when he worked at fucking you know for some dumb website

if this person fucks up somebody could die that to me means if you've done your due diligence and you've actually tried to help her out and that failed, then you, now you're well within your rights to just be like,

hey, go to a boss and be like, hey, I'm a little worried about her. Is there something we could do? Don't start with the like, this bitch has to go. You need to try and be like, hey, can we fucking help her?

And even frame it as like, can you guys fucking let her work with somebody who can train her for a little bit? Because she's, I'm pretty new. I can't handle it. She's fucking shit up.

I don't want her to lose her job, but I feel like she needs a little training. And then if you work for a fucked up company that's like, oh, no, we're not going to spend time doing that. was just going to fire her. That's not really your fault.

But this is, if you worked at some place like a fucking, you know, some shitty news website, I would just say like, shut the fuck up and just do your job. But you do, people could die. So yeah, you can fucking, you can at least report this kind of behavior, I think. Your claimant stand up doesn't matter. We're the last defense before tyranny. We are defenders of the Constitution. Yeah, we're at the wall with fucking turrets, keeping out the barbarians.

Yeah, we have the ear of Donald Trump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We tell him exactly what he wants to hear. And we never ask him a question about being a pedophile. We're obsessed with pedophilia. We stand politely behind him while he signs. We don't ask him about it. And accept whatever answer he gets.

And then even if we do, we're like, oh, that makes sense. And don't press him. And then we go, shit, bro, damn, bro. That's crazy, bro. Shit, I ain't even think about it like that, bro. My white ass ain't think about it like that. like that, bro. But we have his ear.

You're right, Joe. We are the last bastion of free speech. We're it. Yeah. Come see me at Skidmucks in Raleigh. It's two-for-one drinks on Thursday. Sluts nights on Wednesday. And if you bring a whore showing her kits, you get free chicken tenders.

But in the medical field, little attention to dinner. details. A more important than most every other job. So when I went into the hospital, when I injured my leg, Sam Muriel came with me to the ER. And when they were backing me out of the elevator, my leg was sticking out in the wheelchair and it hit the fucking wall. And immediately, I'm like, ah, it's okay. I'm sorry. It's okay. Thank God I had Sam there be like, dude. What are you doing? Yeah, yeah. Sam's great at that. He's a man. Sam is a great advocate when someone is being mistreated. He will stand up. He's the fucking man. So yeah, dude.

That's what I don't know. But yeah, she's fucking up constantly, like dropping shit. Yeah, make a note, but do address it in the moment. Well, it does sound like she's horrible. Of course. But also there's confirmation bias. Now you're looking for everything to put on. That's another thing.

That's the word I was looking for what I was saying. Like, comfort. Did you start? Did you even give her half a chance? It's my only thing. It's like, is the confirmation bias ruling everything? If you did give her a chance and she still fucked up, fine. But if you didn't, I'd say at least try and help her.

And if even that doesn't work at all, you know, snitch a little bit. And talk to her, yeah. Say what you mean, but don't say it mean. Yep, I like that. That's good, man. Put that on a pillow. Thank you. Cross-stitch that shit.

Bye. Hit me with another one, L.D. We solved this guy's problem. That was fucking easy. Hey, Stav. Hey, Lest, and this thing's guest. I'm doing another take because I fucked the first one up. Hey, so I'm a new dad.

I'm a slightly fat piece of shit. I have a wonderful wife. The issues that I'm having is my wife. She is a wonderful home cook. She cooks incredible meals. And sometimes I don't want to eat them all the time. And I feel like a fat piece of shit for wanting outside food and fat burgers and shit. And she's mostly vegetarian, and I'm definitely not vegetarian.

And that might be the problem. And I'm always like fucking up her routine by wanting this, that, the other. like meat and shit. And I guess the question is, I would love some advice from some fat pieces of shit on how to appreciate more like home cooking and stuff like that, and not be like a grateful bastard as I am. Love the show, love what you do.

Eldis, you're good Albanian, you're one of the good ones. All right, bye. There aren't many. I'll say that. How long do you think we have when I, just purely ironic anti-Albanian racism. You think we've got another two years? I don't know.

Well, Albania, you know, as a coalition, is growing. Relax. So, like, Eric Adams. Pretty soon it will look back. Sometimes I do think, not that I give a fuck. But it's like when stops this shit about Albanians, it is funny. He's fucking Greek. We've known each other our whole lives.

But it's like when random Americans, it's like, would you be like, oh, you fucking retarded Somalian? Yeah. It's like, you know. I know. We're getting into like, Oh, and I would. Let me tell you.

Oh, yeah. Oh, don't you know I would? They're doing fraud. Look at the shape of their heads. So I know you mean where it's like, fuck, we're kind of, we never intended to get this successful. It's really what it comes down to. We're now just random people feel comfortable being racist to Albanians and not in the context of a lifelong friendship where we're satirizing our dumb parents basically.

Like, we're basically. basically making fun of our older relatives, but we got to, that sucks that we have to fucking start dialing it down. But anyway, most of us who don't know, where is Albania? Yeah, it's right above Greece. Yeah. And so Greece and Africa. To Boston, everything.

Everything outside of everything fucking further west of New Haven or whatever the fuck. Or east. I'm fucking too stupid to even do that joke. Whatever. Technically it's west also. It's a longer trip. If you believe the round-earth propaganda, but yeah. Anyway, what was...

But yeah, you say some shit to the wrong Albanian, and it could be a long night for you. That's true. This problem might solve itself. Yeah. If the L'A. start fucking up, podcast fans.

Because, by the way, podcast listeners versus any Albanian and any kind of physical altercation, I'm taking the Albanian. Now, this guy's issue, I don't understand why it has to be fat-specific. It's not. The fat part doesn't make sense.

Because you're a big fan of this type of... I like this kind of food, and I have this problem. Sarah cooks meals, and she's a good cook. Maybe. I don't know. I'd never taste it. She cooks, and it's not any kind of slight. I just, I'm in the mood for a burger or of chicken par. I mostly have chicken par.

You love chicken parm. That's all, I'm chicken par. You have the same, you have the diet of the person who had my accident, basically. I had a child's accident. You have a child's diet. I feel like skinny fat people, like myself can weigh in on this. Yeah, sure. I'll give you that as well.

Have you, I mean, also, day. a vegetarian. Eldis, you could weigh in here because your wife has been vegan, vegetarian, and you've dipped in and out. Yeah. This has been, you've been with your wife. From the time you guys were together, she was a vegetarian. So it's like, absolutely. So, yeah, put in a little, because I have some thoughts here too, but go ahead.

You have the. I mean, you know, I don't think I've ever been like that meat heavy, but just learn to like vegetables. Like, do you want to be an adult who's like, who's like, who's, hold careful, careful. You're about to offend Joe. I gave you, Joe, Joe tried chicken souvlaki with Zadziki, and he made a face like I gave him fucking boiled asparagus. He tried Zadzzii was too, but yogurt, garlic, and olive oil was too much for Joe.

I love asparagus. I will say, Joe, you're not fat, though. I feel because I am fat, I feel a pressure to not be like, you want to eat fucking vegetables. Right. No, I want to eat a fucking double cheeseburger. That is true. That is true.

So, you know, maybe it is part of, uh, just because. because I am fat. Right. That's internalized fat phobia. You want to be the fat guy that only wants to eat pizza like every fucking night. The call is coming from inside

the McDonald's playhouse. I think also a class... Here's the thing. This guy probably is just depressed and these little fast food runs are his escape. That's my guess. They do hit like drugs.

They really do. Especially if you're not a guy who's getting fucked up. At times when I've been like trying not to... When I was more sober... You know what I mean? I wasn't like purely sober, but I wasn't getting really, really fucked up. Or when I was working a soul-crushing job or when I was really overwhelmed.

I mean, even when shit's going good, but I'm just overwhelmed and like depressed, nothing hits like a fucking burger, you know, drive through. Like you might just have an eating disorder where this is drugs to you and you need to think about that. But I would say a really easy way in general for somebody dating a vegetarian or friends with a vegetarian. Because I've had this issue. I've dated vegetarians. I've had, I've gone on trips. I've gone on tour with vegetarians. And like...

It was really hard to eat. Dude, remember that fucking... I still think about... I still think about that order when we were the fuck were we. It was all three of us. Cleveland? No, it was a different...

Maybe Cleveland. Remember that like beer hall we went to? Oh. And it was like... I feel like it was in the northeast somewhere. But anyway, it was the night before we got in the night before. and we met you, me and Bobby met you at just a place.

And me and you were both like, you know, we could be a little peck. Like, we're not that hungry. And I'm fat. I'm not saying I'm not fat at the shit at the time. Like, I just happened to not be hungry. And Bobby legitimately ordered like eight entrees and fucking six appetizers.

And that was just like not, I mean, me and Bobby on the tour was like one of the most fucked up things. Like I look back at some of those meals. What the Grateful Dead was to ask is. Yeah, for real. It was so fucked up. I remember one time we drove through, and we just saw like a dim sum restaurant

in the middle of Florida. We just stopped. No one else was in there. And they just, we just made them cook us like a fucking, these motherfuckers just brought out like a fucking 14. They were dropping dead of exhaustion in the kitchen. They were all stop.

They were like, yeah, they would rather build the railroad. She's falling down. Anyway, whatever. So anyway, the little, so a good strategy with vegetarians is, treat their main meal as your side dish.

Like if your wife is making like a fucking scramble, a scramble with like a, you know, whatever, like a tofu, veggie, like egg plant, whatever, whatever they're cooking, egg plant, a veggie stir fry, you just cook up a piece of steak or a piece or some chicken thighs. And you just fucking eat that. Even a potato. Fucking make a baked potato, have a side of chicken or steak,

and then eat her main meal as your fucking. side dish. That was my strategy whenever I had to deal with like vegetarians. It's like they, and they know how to cook veggies tasty because that's all they eat. So just open your mind a little bit. My hunch is this is not about your wife's cooking. You have an

eating disorder of some type where this food is more important to you psychologically than it is, you know, in any other facet. And so I would say investigate those thoughts and those feelings, see where that comes from, see where those desires come from. And, and

And in the meantime, just, you know, if you're looking for a strategy, just add your own steak or add, and even, by the way, order your own fucking piece of meat if you don't cook, right? You like, or meal prep and fucking grill, you know, six, six, like a really good thing I did, a really, something that holds really well is like ground chicken or ground beef with spices. And you can use that with any different type of thing. Or if you marinate flank steak with soy sauce, orange juice,

and some, like, you know, pick your own. chilies or whatever the fuck. You don't even have to chop up fresh shit. You can just, you know, orange juice, soy sauce, and just some fucking cayans. Just some different. You can use spices. You don't need to use fresh onions and garlic and shit.

But if you want to, it only ups it. You marinate a flank steak in that for a day. And then you grill it. It's a lean cut of steak. It's fucking tasty. And it holds really well for the whole week. And you could just microwave that shit up and throw it to whatever the fuck your wife is cooking.

That's my advice. from a fat fuck who's dealt with this many times and who loved the drive-through. Oh, yeah. I still miss it. I was really depressed, and I was like, I just saw McDonald's,

and it was closed, thank God, or else I would have done something fucked up recently. The thing I've done, and I take this with a grain of salt, it might not work for everybody, but, like, the simple question, like, if you're about to do something fucked up food-wise,

make an impulse decision, getting some fucked up on healthy food, just be like, do I need this? And honestly, I don't know, It has turned me about it. Oh, that's a good thought. I've put down the recess cups. I've put down the recess cups from thinking that.

By the way, I'll say the main difference, because I've been on like GLP-1s, you know, for the last almost a year now, I think a little over, maybe about a year exactly, is it has made me occasionally be able to do that. See? I never in my life was able to be like, do I really need this? Yeah, I try that and I'm like, yep.

I do need it. Actually, I need more. The verdict is yes. But, dude, the one thing JLP wins is, I can do that now. And now, if I order too much, like, I don't eat the whole thing. I have leftovers. I have more than half of my leftovers in that fridge right now. That never would happen.

Get leftover peri, peri chicken. Yeah. That's what GLP stands for. Yeah, that's right. Pretty much. One more question, little LD. I know Joe's is itching to get out of here. No, I'm not itching to get out.

Okay, great. Yeah. But one more question would also be. No itch. Hi, Stovian Eldis. I'm in a situation. Guess we're not here. Mine.

I've got an older sister. She's a bit of a demon. She always has been. Must be me. Demon. I'm lame. Nobody cares. She's successful, so also no one cares.

Nobody tells her she's being a bitch. But she told me a secret refurb. recently. And that secret is that basically she home wrecked our family. This is Karen sister. She was being a guy. He's got our wife and kids. Looking for something. Our parents got divorced when we were adults. So she shouldn't be so fucked up. But she told me and she didn't tell my mother, even though she was,

She was toying with the idea and I told her not to because I love to keep secrets, I guess. But none of my secrets are like this. Right. So now, days later, I'm like, do I tell my mom? Do I tell on her? We're adults. I'm almost 30. Feels a little lame to be tattling like that.

It does. But my sister herself, she doesn't really listen to me. So if I tell her. cause her harm finally. Also, an unrelated thing has fallen into your lap where finally you have the upper hand on this more talented and smarter than you individual

who finally confided in you and you're like, hmm, should I use this as an opportunity to build our relationship and build some trust and now maybe I can address my problems with her? Or should I tattle and get back at her? Those seem to be your two options, but let's finish the call. One thing's for sure. She is a

great secret keeper. Yeah. Just telling a fucking half a million people This tail To do And you need to You know, maybe blip out the details about the guy Okay When we put it out just to be extra safe about not

The parry has a hook hand Just don't have that thing Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah bleep out the stuff about the blonde Bahamian guy with a hook hand In Tennessee

She home wrecked a sea captain Yeah Ah, the pussy was too good to pass up. You need to, you need to repent in some way. He's just going to be like, yeah, whatever, stupid. So do I tell mom and betray my sister's secret? I love to keep secrets. You don't, though.

And I love being, like, a trustworthy person with secrets, so it's a bit of an impasse. I think you like the leverage that comes with. Right, right, right. You like basically being the, you're the guy who was running the cameras at Epstein Island. You're the guy who was mailing them straight to, we know where I'm not going to say it. But we all know who was setting up that operation. And let's just say it was a collaboration between two intelligence agencies. Pick any two.

Pick any two. Whatever. It doesn't matter. Two countries will say that Epstein has ties to. And look up Galane Maxwell's father. father while we're at it. Anyway. Who was at his funeral?

Yeah, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. None of that stuff matters. Yeah. I think my little joke in the middle here was exactly right. What we're dealing with is you've always been overshadowed by your sister. She has always been the one who gets away with...

Because the thing is, here's my question to you. Are you mad that she's acting like a bitch? Are you mad that you can't act like a bitch? That's the question. Are you mad at the end? injustice or are you mad at Gaza or are you mad that you're not Israel? You know what I mean? Like if you were in power, would you do the exact same thing?

That's my question. So, like, have you just been kept? So that's the thing. Literally homewrecking. Yeah, are you? This woman you could say, but threw a missile. Let's think of this guy's marriage as a hospital, metaphorically speaking.

And she, anyway, whatever, it doesn't matter. We could extend the metaphor all we want. The point is, where are you coming from in this? And where are you coming from from liking the secrets? Like J.P. says, are you just happy to finally have leverage here? And you're, and you even said to us, but if I told her you need to repent, she'd just be like,

no, shut up, fuck you. Did you even try? You told us. You didn't tell her. here's how I would handle the situation. I would not look at this as an opportunity to get one over on your sister, right? I would look at this as an opportunity, like I said, to build trust, maybe move her in the direction of being a good person. And you know what?

Maybe she feels fucking bad. Maybe she fucking came to you. I don't know. Maybe you're, obviously you know your sister better, but I'm just saying from an outsider's perspective, this is your chance to potentially break the pattern of your weird interactions with your sister. and positively work on things. Minimize the hostilities in a way

where you can, even if you're eating it. Yeah. But as comedies, I mean, we love gossip. We love the feeling of gossip. But gossip never feels good later on. Like, we never learn the lesson, but we should not gossip as much as we do. And it's like it always feels bad.

There's always guilt that comes with it when the toothpaste is out of the tube and it can't come back. Yeah, you can't put it. Also, it's like, what are you gaining out of telling your mom? Yeah, that's what I don't get. You're adults. That's so weird.

What is your mom to do? And also it's like, she homericked. Yeah. What fuck are we talking about? No, she fucked the guy that needed to get laid. Maybe he's been together a long time and things are a little, you know, a little stale at home.

Maybe he did them a favor. Fuck's sake. Maybe the chicken palms aren't as cooked as well as they used to be. Maybe home improved. Who's to say it's a wreck? Yeah, when you fucking put in a new wing, sometimes you get the wrecking ball out and, you know, you do a renovation.

You can't put in a new ballroom if you don't do a little bit of demolition. Maybe you can get the wife and your sister all together at once. Right. Have a convo. Maybe you have friends together. It's not a big deal. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess that's the thing that that's what's setting off alarm bells on this call is you don't seem to have a problem. I mean, she does, to her college credit, it does seem to bother her that her sister, you know, home wrecked or whatever. But again, what's the root of it bothering you?

do you morally have a problem with this or do you wish like you could fucking pull like some hot older guy or whatever and like you know are you mad you're not having torrid of love affairs I'm just saying this because that's what that the feeling on the tone of this call is that you were seeing everything through the prism of your sibling rivalry yeah and I'm saying just stop looking at it that way look at it as it just look at this from fresh eyes and then decide what you want to do I don't know what what you have to gain from snitching. I suggest you try and you try and be positive. And use this as your chance. You're giving your sister a chance to stop being a fucking bitch, right? And you're giving her a chance to connect with you.

And if she passes on this, then fine. From now on, you can have a destructive relationship with your sister, but why? When you cast a stone, you cast yourself as a stone. Joe List as Mick Jagger doing the impression you spraying your ankle. You could spray your ankle if you do this beautifully.

done. That's nice, dude. Beautifully poetically done. And if you want to wreck a home yourself, you're almost 30. That sounds like a nice age. Come call me. Yeah. Check out Joe's touring schedule and show up. Yeah, they say the youngest you can fuck is divided by two plus seven.

Yeah. And I'm 44, so 29. That's not bad. Hit me up, baby. Hit Joe up. If you guys could laugh, it would make it seem less. It's starting to feel uncomfortable here. I just flash your email on the screen.

I'm just distracted. No, Flash Joe's dates on the screen. When he's saying, hit me up. You're looking young for a 44-year-old Caucasian, my friend. You are. Well, I do a lot of hot yoga. Joe is, we've said before, one of the sneakiest athletic guys. And you've made this point before.

It's literally just because you have glasses. Yeah. Because everything else about you just is like a guy who would like sport. You love sports. You talk about all the time. You dress like this. You're wearing constantly caps. And I'm 6 to 190 pounds.

People think I'm 4'8. Everywhere I go, they're like, whoa, I thought you were 3-7. I read like a twink. It's like Bo Outlaw as a nerd. It's like, no, he's 6-9, 260. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so, so, so, anyway, so funny. But, all right, a funny, quick one to go out on, Eldis.

Davy, Eldis, and esteemed guest. Thank you. I was just listening to the Mateo Lane episode, and the guy called in asking about eating his girl out because she had herpes. And I feel I am astutely equipped to answer this question. I get cold source. Unfortunately, gave my wife herpes. She doesn't get cold source, but she doesn't get cold source.

but she does get herpes outbreaks every once in a while and I take medicine every single day and I enjoy eating pussy as well and his problem was he didn't want to eat pussy because he didn't want to get an infection or whatever

you don't got to fucking worry about that I've got a kid on the way I raw dog as long as they don't have an outbreak, you've got nothing to worry about. So get down there. Eat your wife's pussy. You got nothing to worry about. All right.

Love you guys. Thanks, man. Nice. So this guy, yeah, the original call was a guy was worried about eating. What was it, eldest? His girlfriend had herpes? She had herpes. He was worried about eating her out, but he really wanted to.

But he really wanted to. But that's fine, right? And you're, as a herpes ridden man, you're, you know. I don't want to tell tales out of school, but I've received. Adieural sex from my lovely wife. Not in a while. But many, many times and she's good to go. Yeah, exactly.

So yes. Now we have two people with firsthand experience saying, eat pussy even if the lady has herpes, as long as she's not having an outbreak. Yeah. And I think lady outbreaks, I don't know. My wife doesn't have herpes, but I think they're on the inside.

When you eat pussy, you just eat that clit and lick it up. You know? Your tongue's not going like deep in the pussy. I don't know. I could go in there a little. It's not going deep. That's for fun. That's not the business end of it.

A couple flourishes. Yeah. You know, when you're showing off. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Getting the fucking speed bag. Clit-clip boxing training. That's true.

And that's good, too, of your dick is small. You know, if it's all the way on the inside, the herpy outbreak, you know? My dick is not small. I can't burn you if you can't reach them. That's right. That's right. That's right. Okay. So you heard it here, folks. Eat some fucking box, even if the lady has herpes. It's like the old Dr. Dre line.

Ain't no pussy good enough to get burned while I'm up in it. Well, I'm up in it. That's right. And with that, we'll call the episode. Ain't no pussy good enough to get burnt while I'm up in it, folks. That's good. But you will not get burnt eating pussy while you're up in it or whatever the fuck. Anyway.

Who cares? Watch Joe. Co-Cy Joe in person. One of the best comics alive. Thank you. JP, you got anything to plug? JP McDade comedy on YouTube, McDade,

baby Instagram. I love you. Scosi McDade. If you're in Baltimore, July 18th and 19th, go please buy tickets to the special. I will be so far a lot of,

some people ask for refunds. A lot of people haven't. Shout out to everybody who saw me in Baltimore too. No one was fucking shitty. No one's been shitty. Everyone's just been like very positive. get well. Thank you everybody who's sent over some get well messages. It's me. It really has meant a lot.

Fuck. I had one more thing to say, but I forgot it. Oh yeah. I think by now, by the time this episode is out, or soon we will be announcing or we have announced a couple more dates now that my arm, now that we postpone the special. We're going to put together one last, maybe a West Coast run. We're going to try and hit the markets we started the tour because this tour's been going on two and a half years now. So the people that we went to first, like Seattle, Portland, L.A., we're going to try and come back to the West Coast because you saw the very first version. It's like the Oregon Trail. We're all different people.

We really are, dude. It actually will be really funny to fucking track how different our lives are from those trips. We're all injured now. We literally all have been changed. Forever, dude. God, the Dreamboat Tour almost killed us. Everybody's heard in the playoffs. It really feels like the playoffs, dude, for me.

real. Anyway, so we've, we've at it, I don't know if we've announced them yet, but they're coming soon, but that's it. So we'd love to see you there on the road and please come to the special and we'll talk to you next time. Bye-bye.