Stavvy's World - #184 - Sam Morril and Dave Attell

Episode Date: June 8, 2026

Sam Morril and Dave Attell join the podcast to discuss the new Stavvy Baby HQ, getting denied to be a Big Brother, the rise and ubiquity of OnlyFans, the hidden Mormon terrors of the Utah desert, John Travolta's beret, Greeks being stoked to see Woody Allen play jazz at the Acropolis, and much more. Sam, Dave and Stav help callers including a guy whose dream girl turned out to be a raging alcoholic, and a woman who's wondering if guys really mean it when they tell her that she gives awesome top.   See Sam Morril live and follow him:   https://punchup.live/sammorril https://www.sammorril.com/ https://www.instagram.com/sammorril/ https://twitter.com/sammorril https://www.youtube.com/user/smorril/   See Dave Attell live and follow him:   https://daveattell.com/ https://www.facebook.com/daveattell https://x.com/attell https://www.instagram.com/daveattell https://www.youtube.com/@dave-attell   Thanks to our sponsors!!   Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! Chubbies - chubbiesshorts.com/stavvy use code STAVVY for 20% off Visible - https://www.visible.com/     ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!   🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets   ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Opa! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World. 904, 800, stop. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. Big day for us here at Stavi Baby HQ. We've got a new studio, folks. You're looking at it. That's right.

And we have Sam Rowland and a special guest. That's right. Play his music. I wish we had WWE entrance music. Dave Attell, everybody. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being here, Dave. Yeah.

Sit down. Yeah, we just got... We're in Chelsea, like we said, Elders wanted to be near the men's spas. You wanted to be able to blow off some steam just with the fellas. Sounds good. You're Robert Kraft, buddy.

I'm just excited to wear Chelsea boots again. My closet's going to be full of them pretty soon. I love the idea that you're going to start dressing with Chelsea boots and turtlenecks. Maybe like those fucking Quaker Oats hats like cool black guys wear. you're really going to try that. I got to walk here instead of go to Astoria.

This was fucking amazing. It's a win all the way around. That's right. And what I love is this kind of liquidation sale going out in here. Fantastic. Everything must go. We literally went to a crate and, no, where were we? A West Elm outlet and got the cheapest rocks we could find.

This looks more East Elm. as in Brooklyn. This looks like the shittiest sultan's harem carpet. Yeah. This is where he has his sex slaves from around the Middle East come through. Erotic. I would love to be a sultan.

I feel like I have the body type for it. I think if you give me a turban, big ruby up top. I see more as like a lazy warlord. You know what I'm saying? We don't have to do that today. You've got son of warlord vibes. A Nepo warlord.

Yeah. I like that. You didn't earn it. Yeah. Look, I can slaughter like my dad. I'm just busy right now. You know, we can line up our religious minorities and put them in camps. I just want to, you know, smoke hashish and get two big-titted Iranian women to rub my belly and feed me kebabs.

Sounds like a good life, dude. Not a bad life. I think it was bad for everybody they had control over. Sure. You know, I think that's what it is. But the warlord is not bad. And you know, the Afghani Warlord is not bad. And you know the Afghani warlords, they were up to some Epstein-style activities.

Oh, yeah. But tell me about it. Not as nice a resort destination afterwards. No, no. That island, someone's going to buy it for big money at some point. That is true. But what I think is the best is how you repurposed all this dentist equipment. Is this sound?

Am I getting an x-ray here? Do you have a molar? I just don't want you to have to hold the mic up, Dave. There you go. I want that brain. No one can see it. That's right. It's fine.

And the backdrop, that's fantastic. Thank you, thank you. We're going to paint a real mural, but for now, we've got this. No, let the kids do it. They always pick a fun topic. You can be a big brother and just bring the kids in here. Yeah, just let them see. Get out that anger up on that wall.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, due to that wall what you want to do to the police. That's a smart loophole, Sam. I like it. Yeah, get some child labor. I tried you back in the day. I got turned down. Is that real?

I know you got that joke. I had a joke. I really got turned down. You wanted to be a big brother and they're like, we're good? Yeah. I auditioned and they said no. There were a lot of people

trying to get in. A lot of, you're scoring points. You feel like a good person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would have done it. Well, let's say you were a big brother, okay? Instead of, you know, as myself, a curious uncle. I was wondering if you,

where would you take your little brother? What would you do with that? The Curious Uncle program, by the way, getting shut down fast. There's no big brothers, little brothers. Curious uncles. What are we doing in there? Need some company?

Curious uncles, terrified nephews. I take them all over. I take my place when it needs a good vacuum. You use them as help. Right. Oh, yeah. We'll do it. We'll train jiu-jitsu.

Yeah. I'd use them as a PA. Uncle Dave's Jiu-Jitsu Academy. Completely uncredited. Only a lot of touching. Only rolling. Just rolling. A lot of floor work.

Let's start on the mat, boys. Today we're starting on. the mat, fellas. That's not what it looks like. I was teaching him a rear naked choke. Nice. Take off those pesky geese. They're only getting in the way.

What a good time. But I really can't take my eye off of that ununion electrical grid plug that you have on the wall there. Way to... Yeah. This is a squatting situation. Is that what it is?

We have a long extension cord coming from a T-bank across the street. Yeah. This is wild. We talk. took a guy off life support two weeks ago. Nobody's noticed, so we're lucky. This is crazy, dude.

Yeah, I'm pretty excited. And I will, I want to turn it into basically his apartment in big. You know, I want to get like an arcade game. Oh, that would be cool. Yeah, I get, you know, maybe time crisis, the classics. Ooh, wow. Guns, the Terminator one. Papa shot, Mario Kart. A pop a shot, a Mario Kart.

Were you ever an arcade? Were you ever, you guys ever play arcades? Yeah. No, I dated women. Yeah. No, I was just at Foxwood, and they have that huge arcade down there. And my opener was like, oh, do you want to come to the arcade? I'm like, I'm not saying, no.

But yeah, the arcade games, like, you know, there's some serious prizes now. So when we were kid, it was really just bragging rights. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ever fuck up? What was, what were the fucking arcade? I feel like arcades were a social place back of the day. Yeah. Do you ever go, do you ever get in there?

Do you ever win anything from playing like, you know, dig, dug or whatever the fuck? You spend $4,000. You win a, $1,000. stuffed beanie baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It never worked out financially. But, you know, they'd have like, the saddest part is when you're cash in the tickets

and you're down to like candy. Yeah. The vampire teeth, you're like, fuck. Damn it. All you can get is these shitty vampire teeth and a yo-yo that works twice. And one big Sour Patch kid. A pre-sucked-on shower patch kid.

You get a lot of bang for your buck. No, I mean, yeah, I love all the time crisis and fucking, God, what was it? Halo, that's a pretty cool one. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. There's a Jurassic. So you guys wouldn't play, you wouldn't play, like, the real arcade games? You would just play.

Like snowball or something? What do you do? Yeah, you know, like whatever, all those hitting and whack-a-moing and all that kind of stuff. Classic. You know what? That would be fun. I'd just run a carnival in here. Well, I have a game I'm working on.

I'd love for you guys to, I want to feel it out. Let's get it. Sam was there 10, 15 years ago when I first started it. I was on the ground floor. He really was, yeah. Back when Gilbert Godfried was doing the voice. Oh, my God. Yeah, slowly everyone a part of it is.

Is there something changed? Can you get him to do it? You think he'll do it? Yeah, no, I have to do it. I mean, it's like at that point now it's either like, you know, pull the trigger already. Here's another idea for the room here since, is you see these like placards over here?

You can put all of your albums and whatnot up there. Like, you know, like a YouTube sensation. Right, right, right. All my credits. All my credits, just screenshots of TikToks that went viral. Other people use to put them shaking hands with Johnny Carson. I'm like, Drusky retweeted me once. You standing in front of Gotham?

You know, hey, look at this. I made it. Matt Rife liked this tweet over here. And I would like to say, Jerski has never retweeted me, but he did like one thing once, which was. It was early on.

I don't remember what it was. Damn. But he followed me on TikTok. Or no, he liked it on TikTok, and I followed him and never, we never rekindled our... I've been on TikTok like four times, and I had a guy running it,

and then I'm seeing a girl and she's like, this guy DM. me on TikTok. I was like, TikTok DMs. Yeah. Oh, you're like, hmm, try to log back in. Wow. I would, it has, TikTok has done a real damage to people.

No one, up until, you know, this is good, this is generational. How many insanely hot women did you see in a week when you were 17, Dave? Oh, that's a great, you know? That's an amazing question. Yeah. Because like, you probably just had the one hot girl at like the bakery that worked there. Right. Whereas now, I get to, I see, you watch like, mixes you didn't even know existed.

A big-titted Peruvian Japanese. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, like, shit that like would, would explode. My great-grandfather from Greece would have killed his family to, like, sniff that woman's panties. There are women so hot on TikTok now that it probably is causing psychosis in people. Wow. And how are you going to stay with your wife? You know what I mean?

Even same thing with women, too. we had a call about a, in a future episode, an old woman thought Keanu Reeves was really talking to her. Oh, wow. People are going crazy on both sides here, but TikTok has done real damage to what men think a woman looks like. Because you see the hottest woman from every country, every city. You could see her on TikTok now.

Yeah, that really is like when it was so local, you know, like the cheerleading team. Yeah, exactly. You know, the one, you know, the girl in math class, something like that. Yeah, you caught a little glimpse of a girl. in math classes, panties, you're like, nice. Yeah. I'm good for a week off this. Now these kids have to,

the shit they're seeing is nuts. So international, too. Yeah, that's pretty good. And she just like, I didn't know why she had so many followers. I was like, hey, why do you have so many followers on Instagram? She's like, I swung my tits once on there. And she went viral. So she's like, yeah, I got to quit my waitressing job.

And I just like, and she wasn't like nude. She was just swinging. And dudes were like, yes, I'm in. That's brilliant, man. Yeah. Now she's doing advertising. It's crazy. Really?

Yeah. Just a big set of cans might be the best thing you can have. Is the money still there, though, for these? Is it really that it's like, it's a crazy world, right? I think if you're shrewd. Yeah. If you have an internet following and then you're like, I get an old, like, you know who's doing, like Shannon Elizabeth just did Only fans?

Yes. Like these, and good for them. Someone else, do, Jamie Presley. Jamie Presley. These are women who people. Guys grew up with. Yeah, they wanted to. Exactly.

And they're making more money than they did in the movies. You know what's funny, they're cashing in on the, that's their like, fuller house. Yeah. Now, now the nostalgia only fans have started, dude,

where it's like, I've always wanted to see those tits. Oh, I remember jacking off to this scene from American Pie with dial-up internet.

I wonder what Sandhulisman is up to now. Candace Kamen would be there too if she didn't marry a hockey player. That's right. That's right. She secured the bag.

Smart. She secured the future. Smart, smart. The other one's on meth, though, I thought, right? Which one? One of the other, not the Alston twins,

the other sister. Oh, there's another. The third sister on full house. Oh, Kim. I think she's sober. Kimby Gibler? No, not her.

The other sister. I don't know. I don't know if she's on. Oh, she's about Christian, I think. Jody Sweden? Yeah. Struggled with a crystal meth addiction in her early 20s. That's tough.

Meth is a tough one. Lose your teeth. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, but let's face it, that separates you from the pack on Onlythans. I mean, I have some dental issues myself. Maybe I can see them as a roll model. Dave's seen

in grabbing these women Look There's a market for this man Yeah it's called applesauce Let's see you Guzzle that down you toothless pieces That's true You got a whole roster

You're like I need an amputee I need a toothless woman Finally a woman Finally went when I could take out For a bowl of soup Huh? Yeah you could watch Or get implant

Like you could be along for the ride As she gets her teeth back Yeah You pay every You know, every time you like pay for a custom A rack and a grill, that's what we'll call it. That's right, that's right. Oh, man.

We've seen all the women we grew up on, though, just kind of being like, yeah, I'm going to do this. And I don't know what they take, what percentage only fan takes. Not that might. I bet you'd take at least 30%. Really? They'd have to, right? It's got to be something crazy.

Well, didn't that guy just passed the head of Onlyfans? Yeah. Yeah. So that must have been a crazy funeral. Let's take a look at it. We all poured one out for him. It's working out on the coffin. 20%.

Okay. That's it? That's not horrible. That's pretty good. Patreon's, I think, 10, eldest? This is good. For all our female listeners with huge tits who have always had these questions, we're here to help you out. You, I feel like you would have been a big only fan because we have Dave's old porn. Yes. You're a, you're an enjoyer of the sex workers. You like their work. You chronicled it. It's a tribute, yeah, tribute. And I love that retro stuff.

And it's funny how a lot of them have gone back. into it. Like, you know, they've gone back into it and, you know, let's face it, I'm in my 60s. They're like, they're a little older. So they just went back into the game, you know. You know baseball. I mean, do they still have the pitch? Do they still have the arm? I don't know. It's like Indiana Jones, man. One last crusade. Yeah. Yeah. It's true. These girls, she's out with a knee injury. She won't be. These girls that used to pitch 99 miles an hour. They're like, all right, I can be a knuckleballer now. Yeah. I can adjust my game. But they're going hard. I'm seeing like, you know, a lot of interracial

three ways and all that kind of stuff. So they jumped in like right where the world is. I love that. Yeah, yeah. That's nice. You wouldn't want your old favorites to be, you know. Yeah. It's nice when they're, they're woke when it comes to porn. The world's changing. They have to do too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then they have to like,

they probably bore up the set with the old stories. Like, in my day, the price of lube. Oh my God. A butt plug. She's coming out of the trailer with a rocker. Yeah. We used to use all. We used to shoot porn in the back of a Greek restaurant. We just used olive wool for Lou.

We actually liked each other. We were just excited. Were you always a bush guy, Dave? What? Not in front of the boy statue. Yeah, I mean, I'm like anybody else now. Everybody likes a nice trim, but still, like, I remember as a boy, just seeing, like, at a beach or something like that. Like, just a monster, a tarantula coming at me.

And I was like, what is that? You know, but yeah, that's something that, you know, some guys either go all in or they're like, I don't know. But it seems like everyone lasered their way out of this problem. I think Bush is back. You think so? I think Bush is back. And I think. Are you saying that as a Greek?

No, no, no, no. Yeah, I mean, listen, you're talking to a guy who did. I mean, that was your flag, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. The Greek flag is just, it's a, it's at a girl's peeps coming out of her, like, khakis on her shift at a diner. But, no, I think, listen, as a man who I broke my arm, I hurt my back. I spent a lot more time on the internet than I was doing. So I was on Twitter for the first time.

I'm seeing a lot of like bush cleavage these days. Wow. Where it's just a little tasteful, you know what I mean? A little tasteful hint. And I really enjoy that. That's not bad. It's crazy that you just see porn on Twitter. Oh, dude.

They don't, like on Instagram, they have to dial it back. But I'll be in the grocery store because I mostly follow comedians. And then out of nowhere you just see someone sucking cop. And you're like, I don't need to see this in line. Yes. Yeah. This is crazy. There should be grocery store mode on Twitter.

where you're like, please don't show me any Bukakis right now. I'm getting prosciutto. It's jarring to see that in public in daytime. Yeah, absolutely, dude. No, it's... I have a question. I'm sorry. So you broke your back?

I have a slipped... I have a pinch nerve in my lower, like one of the... I don't know which... So will you like, what is it called? Like, did you have to stay still and do it? I could... Because I would love to see you watch porn upside down in that mirror. As your helper monkey is like, you know, hitting the button.

Not that one. That one. Just upside down. Like, oh, man, I can't wait until I can. Miltf Alfonso. The milk section, Alfonso. Come on. No, but...

That could be our TikTok. Jerk off in a neck brace. Honestly, we could take this city by storm. You know what's funny? I literally... The back, I figured I had to jack off regular because I was laid up and I could hold my phone. But the first two weeks of the broken arm,

I had to sit my phone on a surface. stand up and jack off standing up. I'm like at my kitchen counter beating off. You have to buy a ring light just to rub one out? Damn. I should have bought one of those things they put harmonicas in. I just put it and put my fucking put my phone on top and I just jacked off to it.

You jerk off like you're doing a self-tape, unfortunately. Right. I should have got my self-tape rig and just fucking flipped it and watched pornography. Did you like use the thing as like a calendar? Like every time you launch the load, you put another. Is that how much? many days till you get it off.

Yeah. You know, Kay, Manning, looking at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm calling place. No, but I did, I did get to the point where I was resting my phone and jacking off like this. Oh, that's great. That is crazy. Even in the shower, you put it under the garbage bag. I made some bad choices.

You know what? Those, those QB things would be good to just put a phone in and keep to jack off to. Damn. Yeah, you're like Iron Man. I smell a shark tank. Let's do it. Come on, little man, we're going. Baby Zeus,

we're a women masturbate too. This can work. This works for broads too, Barbara. You can flick that dusty hole to using this. You know it. Yeah, no, I would love to pitch Mr. Wonderful on my jack-off machine. Man, how good was that guy in that Morty's Supreme?

Oh, my God. That was really good. How the hell did he play a bad person? Yeah. How did he play a piece of shit getting cucked? Convincingly. That is good acting. Yeah.

I mean, that's why the Safeties are fucking, like, well, Josh, obviously. but Jen Van Detti, the casting director, she's a genius because she just finds, in the movie I was in, they felt like, Aden, who plays Jesse Plymonds, like, there's an autistic character,

and they found, Aden, Delbus, he did an incredible, he was fucking 19. Like, and they found the perfect kid for this. They're so good at finding people whose real life experiences match up. And yeah, it was, it pissed me off when he was good

because I hate him, but, you know, I did a great job, and that's all you need from that movie. And was that a, Was that a real story? Like, what was that? Marty Supreme?

Yeah, was that based on something? It was based on the ping ponger guy. Very loosely based on some guy named Marty's. It was Marty something else, I think. But he was called the needle or something. Fun movie. I love that movie. I mean, yeah, it's about a fucking dumb,

it's about a dumb ass who thinks his talent in a niche thing is worth destroying every relationship he's ever had. I related to quite a bit. Exactly, dude. Every comedian, I'm like, oh, yeah. I remember mistreating a woman because I thought my gift for dick jokes is more important than having a real relationship.

Because my love is ping pong. Everybody had that moment. I remember in whiplash, the scene when he's like, I can't be in a relationship. I'm a drummer. I'm like, this is speaking to me right now. I did that and I was the worst open mic you've ever seen in your life.

I was like, we got to break up. I got to do this joke about not being able to wipe my own ass because I'm too fat. Sorry, babe. Sorry, babe, this is my art. Yes. But that's everyone now. It's not just like ping pong.

It's like literally some guy who's like, I'm a food reviewer. sandwiches in my car, I can't have a woman dragging me down. Everyone thinks it understands me. Everyone's got a calling now. Of course. You try to get a fucking Froyo now. Like eight people miced up in there.

You know, everyone's there to just review it. Come with me to the secret. The most, yeah, it's like... I don't think it's a secret. The lines around the block. Yeah, yeah. That's the thing. That's the new New York where people will wait online for like a bagel, you know?

It's insane. They'll wait online for anything in this town except, like, voting. You know, you're like, I can't get out there. We'll mail it to you. I'm not doing it. But these fucking FOIA places are like a bouncer. I'm sorry, not tonight, dude. Did you see that swatch thing that's going on right now?

The mobs there? I saw that. I was like, what is this about? I love that it was a piece of shit pocket watch. Yeah, yeah. I love the people camped out for a week and they're like, it's a pocket watch. I know. I know.

I mean, it is funny, though, because what that was was automar, whatever, that fucking watch company that's expensive as fuck. Is there any more sign that we're fucked and nobody has any money where luxury brands are like, uh, now we're doing. with swatch. It's like, we're so fucked, dude. There's going to be such a crazy fucking economic collapse. Yeah.

But everybody seems to want to do something, though. Like, so where's the, everyone's living on credit, I guess. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're, we're coming for something. It's, you know, it's a big problem when the only industry that makes any money is podcasting. Yeah. And only fans.

And only fans, you're right, you're right. What if we went to both? How much would it cost to show your cock on, on camera? Jeez. A good lunch. A place to stay. You wait on line. Three hats in the car.

It's really just sharing. You're sharing too much. If you overshare people like, but then you have nowhere to go. I think you're not giving the ladies enough credit because they're selling like a fantasy. It's not just like, all right, here they are, goodbye. It's like this kind of enticing thing.

I don't think any of us have that. There's nowhere else to go. You're right. When I said Drea de Mateo, it's like, there's not going to be another. other Sopranos. You were on the best show ever. Right, right.

Why not? But I like Dave's point. Dave is a real pornography connoisseur, you can tell. You can say it. Single. Yeah. Well, the Dave's old, you dedicated. No, but I see them, you know.

Yeah, yeah. But what you said, the eroticism, the fantasy. You're right. We could never, we could never set the mood. We just be like, here's my fucking little ass dick. Beat off to it if you like. Speak for yourself, dude. There are women who are in your shoulder hair.

You know what? I could do a fantasy if it's like, your boss is sexually harassing you. If you're into that kind of roleplay, I'll put on a suit set from J.C. Penny and be like, so Barbara, you've been coming in late the last, you know what I mean? I could do that.

I could do scum. If you're trying to scumbagg, you know, situate, it's safe. I could do slumlord porn. That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where's rent, dude? Yeah.

Oh, you want heat? Hmm. Did you check the weather? Gonna be a real cold snap. Be a real shame if those thermostats don't get fixed. I wonder if we could do anything to do anything to,

Speed that up. Zip. Well, when you guys go on the road, do you ever, like, go out late to, like, a strip club anymore, any of that kind of stuff? No. I'm back in... Way back in the day, maybe, but...

Something has happened where I'm interested... We filmed us... Well, I don't know if I should tell this. There was... Anyway, I was in a simulated strip club environment for a project. And the girls were so... And I hadn't been to strip club in a while. And, you know, you're filming something.

You're filming the same... seen all fucking day. So I'm just around strippers all day. They're so hot. They're fun to talk to. Yeah. And I was like, fuck, this is awesome. I got to get back into this. But now I'm afraid I'm turning into like, I don't know. You might have to cut that hair if you're going to be a strip club guy. You're going to look too much like a type to. No, because they're the ones you really lose to the only fan AI world. It's like that input they don't, it's not like, you know, like us. where it's like, thanks for coming and seeing it live, supporting the strip club world.

Right, right, right. You know what? I bet you, because back in the day, I feel like porn stars did used to literally do that, where their podcasts were porno videos, and then they'd go to like... They go around, yeah, they tour. So you know what?

Hopefully that's helping. Comics used to do. Remember Lendo talked about doing stand-up and strip clubs back in the day? Yeah, yeah. I'd love to. That would be fun as shit. I don't think that's a good set. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen in Austin.

Yeah. That's where all new idea start. Burlesque, naked, stripping. Bill Tony's bono. Show him a woman's pussy. That Austin is 10 years ahead of us. I'm doing a set at the mother tits right after me. Give me a good one.

The mother tits. Yeah, the center of innovation. I love that shit. No, but you're right. That's true. It's like, now. we can spin it as an act of defiance against the computers. It's like, I'm not jacking off online. Analog. I'm looking at these kids. I'm being, and don't, and why are you arresting me,

officer? I was jacking off here to stop AI. Yeah. I'm a freedom fighter. Yeah, I'm thinking about getting back into going to, we're going to Portland. I was thinking he's shown one. Like, you should start one. I love that. That would be great. Oh, my God, a strip club with, and it's a strip club with good food, the way Atlanta has. has the wing, Magic City has wings. Lemon pepperloo wings. Dude, what if I do a

restaurant, a Greek, a Greek restaurant strip club? Oh, that was so... The Parthenon. Yeah. Oh, that was so great. I mean, it's not a horrible idea. Fuck, dude, that would be off.

I don't know if Greek food really translates to... Skewers? What do you want? Handheld skewers? You could use one hand, you still grab tits with the other or jack yourself. Nobody jack off at these, by the way.

But that would be great if it's all like your old relatives as the waiters and the girls up there, it's like, You can get a substitution. You want to bake potato with that or not? No dolmades today. Look at pussy only have sandwich. We have sandwich and we have pussy, whatever you want.

These whores are cutting into my bottom line. Dip my horse, please. Uncle Alex, you can't call them whores, man. What's the strip club like capital in America? I know Tampa's big. Portland and Tampa, I would say. Portland, yeah. Portland is huge, yeah.

And that's my stylist strip. or two in Portland. A little armpit hair? Yeah. You like that? Just, you got a lot of different types. Tampa's a little too, you know, that's a great one too. It's a different flavor.

It's like real fake tits, you know, big fake lips. Just like. Real fake tits. That's where we're at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The big ones. Yeah, no. Not the ones that are trying to trick you into being regular tits.

Tampa's awesome, dude. I love Tampa. That's a weird, I haven't heard that sentence. I take my last special there. I love it. Good crowds, man. They're wild. They are good.

You can't offend people. people from Tampa. True. That is true. There's something beautiful about that. Well, it is a, I think a lot of people move there from, like from here. Yeah. So you get a little.

Long Island. You had that Long Island vibe. Yeah. Were you ever a beach guy? I know you were a Long Island guy. Yeah. I love the idea of you as a youth sunbathing, Dave. Oh, yeah.

No, we would go to our beach, you know, like, oh, man, it was a lot of work. But, you know, the one thing is I just did Ryan, I'm going to say his name, Ryan Reese's show out in Long Beach. And that was great, man. Oh, hell, yeah. They have like a club there. You guys would crush it there. It's like a little community. You know, it's like one of those like little like beach towns.

So, you know, that was fun. And the whole island, I mean, there was so many comics out there recently passed that guy John Mulroney way before you guys time. But he was the guy out there. And like, honestly, like a big road for those guys would have been like, hey, I'm playing Virginia. You know, right, right, right. You might never see me again.

I'm going to bring back cigarettes and a firewood. works. Yeah, I'm crossing the Mason Dixon line. Yeah. That was the road, you know. I'm going up to Boston, you know, man. The road is anywhere that's not the, you know, it's like the first half of the original 13 colonies.

Yeah. They're like, like, I'm a Myrtle Beast. That was like a, I went to a strip club there. That was wild. Yeah, that's another like, it's like AC kind of. I don't think you're giving the heartland enough credit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. There's something about Oklahoma.

Really. Those girls wanted more. You know, they got to get out. They got to get out of OKC. Well, when you guys played Salt Lake, right? It's like some of the most beautiful women in the world there, you know, just like the jeans or whatever, you know, it's getting racial. But there's something about them.

Dave's coming out as a Mormon supremacist. No, but Jews. He's a Jewish Mormon supremacist. Yeah, but Jews love that look. Like, it's like that aerial. It's an aerial. I know what you've made it as a Jew. It is.

Oh, that's hilarious. It's like, it's like, this would crush my mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? It's like not. That's your version of day with black guy. It's like a blonde area. It is.

I was talking about the new Mormons from Guam. That's what I was talking about them. The ones who can take a hip, take a check. Well, the, Salt Lake, it's like, it's, you're this or you're that, you either look like fucking Kenneth the page from 30 Rock or like you're one of the sex pistols. Right. They're not cool, though, man. Because they're all like, you know, reformed Mormon or they were Mormon. Or they, or they, or they.

They rebel hard. Hard. Jack Moore, you call it? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've never, it always freaks me out too because it just feels like there's something sinister going on there.

Oh, no, actually, that's a power town, man. Like, I was talking to a guy there and they have a lot of this construction. I go, what's going on in the town? Like, what's the problem? And they're like, we don't have enough water for all the great shit we want to do here. Oh, wow. And I'm like, well, you should find a shittier town. And, like, there will be blood, take their water out of them.

I drink your water Well you drive from Salt Lake to like say like Vernal you go to like oil town there That drive look off the highway It's fucking true detective land Like what tense mess that's fucking crazy Dude how many how many Disobedient fourth and fifth wives

Are buried in that fucking desert How many fucking how many women That couldn't really listen to what John Smith told Or what was it what's his name? That's John Smith No John Smith is the guy who raped Pocahontas right Joseph Smith Joseph Smith.

Yeah. Listen, homeschool. That's wrong. That's what my dad told me anyway. Now, I remember, like, how pumped were they when Scientology came along? They were like, finally a dumber of religion. A newer, stupider one.

Dude, it's so funny that that guy was just like, yeah, God told me, he actually gave me the new Ten Commandments. I'm just some fucking guy. And, yeah, he talked to me, because the funniest thing about Mormonism was that, like, he found some random Egyptian, like, hieroglyphs. And he was like,

I'm the only one who can read the year. God told me to do this, this. And then, like, you know, 40 years later when, you know, somebody looked at those, they got the technology to translate them, completely not that. You know what I mean? He was just... Yeah, but by then the damage was done, dude.

Yeah, look up that Egyptian thing. I want to make sure I got that right. Again, that could be more homeschool, more Baltimore homeschooling. So you're going on the road, not to Utah, I assume. Not going to Utah. After that fatwa, you just laid out. A couple billion.

People's religion there. I love you. Yeah, I do. It is, but it just is so, I mean, Scientology is another one. It's like, how the fuck do you guys think this shit is fucking real? It's so awesome. It's popping up everywhere.

I just walked by one. It was like, just between us. Just us. Although I will say John, do you ever see John Travolta pop that beret out? He was in Cannes and he had a fucking hilarious, like Dominican beard. It looked like filled in black.

And he was wearing a white beret. He looked awesome, dude. He looked so good. He's going through some looks, for sure. I'm ready for the Travolta Renaissance, dude. Oh, yeah. He just, his movie, he directed a movie. I can't wait to, it's going to be weird as fuck.

You ever see that movie he did with Fred Dirk? Fred Dirk, directed a John Travolta movie. I saw clips. It's incredible. That was the collab we were all waiting for. Limbiscuit and Saturday Night Fever. Bam. I remember when I watched Greece and then I listened to hot dog and chocolate,

what was it, Starfish chocolate hot dog water? Yeah, when I listened to those two together, I was like, now what we need to do is a melding of these two minds. We need Travolta to come in and save him. Tarantinoino saved Travolta like one last time. Oh, that would be fun. Because he's so fucking good in the right thing. But he's never in the right thing.

Well, except that beret. Look at that picture. He looks. No, I saw it. It was fucking weird. Very Carlos Boozer with the fucking spray-in shit. You're like, ooh. The shoe polish?

Yeah. I'm sorry, guys. I tuned out after you made fun of my religion. You're a recent comfort, Dave? Sorry. How are your feet and levels? But didn't you grow up Greek Orthodox? I did.

My God. But that's the thing. The thing about Greek people. That's cool, though. For Jews, we love all that, the smoke and all that. They did the Jewish Greek parade yesterday. Whoa, yeah. There's a Jewish, it's like crazy food crossover stuff.

Oh, my God. That seems that's right up my alley. That must have gone on for like five blocks. Yeah. We get it. We get it. We get it. We get it.

We're hairy. We're done. Oh, man. I would go all the way up to. I wouldn't like to see, yeah, what comes out of that. just like the fucking that's like that's how you breed

the worst landlord ever you fucking just wear a shirt using Greeks together that's how you get that's a great one I look it no fix he says it's good

you don't need a hit right now my friend Valandi he looks he said no problem you're okay yeah that's the dream dude to be a Greek a Greek slum lord

someday we'll get there first we did the strip club then we do the dude you got a big You rent out one of those rooms in the bag? That's true. Oh, easily.

We get, like, we do bunk beds and you get a bunch of Chinese guys in here. You're playing big bug hunter. They're like, please, I'm trying to sleep, Mr. Stavros. Please. Shut the fuck up. I'm watching Heat with my friends and playing Big Buck Hunter at my office.

I fucking watched Heat yesterday. Dude. It's such a dude movie. It's so good. So good. Literally somebody asked me, like, my Desert Island movies, and I talk to a woman about heat. for 45 minutes uninterrupted until she lost interest in me.

I made a woman watch it yesterday and she was like, this is brutal. Oh, well, she's got to go. She liked it, but she's like, it's too violent. They don't like, there's like studies that women don't like, like the cortisol or some show. I was talking about this season. They hate, they can do horror, but they can't do fucking. Right.

They don't like to see revenge. Yeah. They don't like to see. But also, heat's awesome because it's literally a love story between Pacino and De Niro. It's like, those guys are clearly in love with each other. Yeah, and they're treating the women like shit. Yeah, the women are just there. They're just there.

And they're like, I got to deal with this guy. And they're like, we'll give you our pussy. We'll be with you forever. And they're like, I'd rather. I love you. I want to raise my child with you. He's like, I have to stop a criminal. I have to shoot another guy and ruin my one chance at love.

Beautiful movie though. Yeah, no one ends up with the one. That's like another fantasy of the super criminal. You know what I'm saying? Compared to what we see, it's like you, you, your cousins and everybody, you know, we're going to just go into a jewelry store and just smash a bunch of things. There's no, there's no bored, no plans. planning or anything like that is just like hey you want it you want some of this caught okay good you got some okay

we're ready to go no fuck we're out of pills how where's the closest place we can rob don't no jews don't get cool criminal we get made off that's all we get as a fuck you don't get a good like badass heist movie you had you had to run the early mob you know which one yes like murder incorporated myer myo myelanski yeah murder incorporated yes yeah bugsy wasn't you myelansky we had a few that was cool because at the time it It was like, they control the entire pickle business on the low. These guys. We're union busting the pickle unions. Shoalaces.

You got to go see what's his name. Oh, fuck. But yeah. You like all the Godfather movies, right? I love them. Oh, my God. They're so good. I wish they would redo the last one because then it would be like, oh, this is perfect.

But that was like, man. But the, which one's your fight? Like the second, right? Yeah, that's fantastic. I love the first. The first one's incredible. The first one is perfect. But there's something about those flowers.

I'm also a sucker for old New York stuff. Yes. So just seeing that how the parade scene where he's tracking him across the fucking roof, roofs and your roofs, roof roofs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rufuses. And you see the San Gennaro Festival in like 20s.

Incredible. That shit is so fucking awesome. It's, it's, uh, I love the old movies where you can see the prices of stuff. Oh, yeah. That's why the flight of the condor that was rock. Robert Reffer and the movie's pretty good. It doesn't hold up from what I remember. Yeah, yeah.

It's cool though. All night parking, $3.95. I'm like, whoa, what the fuck? I'm like, rewinding it, looking at it. No way, really? I had a younger, I had 25-year-old girl over and I had a, I had the Godfather DVD out and she goes, I've never seen this. And I was like, you got to see the fucking godfather.

And I was like, is this grooming? Yeah. Unfortunately. Did she actually like it or no? She was like, this is incredible. Oh, that's a good one. That's a good thing is like they, if you sit down and watch it, you're like, you can't think it isn't great.

I've had dumb friends of mine be like, it's too slow. That's, you know, because they need everything to be like, fucking, and they're my age. You're not like young. That's crazy. How about the deer hunter? Did you like that moment? I love that. I love that movie.

That scene is like, that wedding scene's like 50 minutes. It's worth it, but it's like, what you're like, why are they doing? And at the end, you're like, oh, I get why they're doing this. But at first, you're like, this is a fucking an hour at a wedding almost. Yeah. But that's what somebody says to me. They go, man, this movie's so slow. I go, well, what do you want a fast tragedy?

Oh, you get it. he's not coming home. You get it? This guy's crippled for life. The other guy's a nightmare. I do like the idea of a nomad. Wrap it, pick it up. Yeah,

come on. I got something to do. Let's see him abandon his family in the first act. The scene where they're captive, I mean, that's one of the most incredible scenes. Incredible shit, dude.

I also, speaking of old New York movies just watching New York, New York, the, I've never seen it. I got the DVD, you can borrow it. Is that, is that, what year is that movie?

That's right after Taxi Driver. New York. Between Taxi Driver and King of Comedy. and it was Liza Minnelli and De Niro and it's set in post-World War it's right after VJ Day it starts right after the... Is it a musical or no?

It's sort of a musical where they're both... De Niro's like a sax player and she's a singer and they have this kind of you know, tumultuous relationship. It's really interesting especially for like people

who travel a lot because they're on the road, they're on tour, half of it. So it's like you see half of old New York and then you see half of what the road used to be like where they're all in these like buses. Oh yeah.

It's fucking. and they're going through like, you know, shitty, you know, chat and new, like weird town, weird Louisville towns, Vodville, exactly, they're playing vaudeville shit. It was, it was a really, I thought it was, it's not, Scorsese is so good that compared to his absolute masterpieces, it's not at, there's some pacing issues, but there's some, it looks cool. And then it's, Liza Miner and De Niro captivating to watch. Yeah, she was amazing. And then it ends, she sings a lot in the end, and it's like, I really liked it. And it actually, some Marty Supreme, you can kind of tell that

I'd be shocked if they didn't really if Josh said he didn't like that movie because there's some definite like similar stuff about it. I've asked him about it because I know like his the pace of his movies are so intense and I remember I asked him once you ever see the movie California split? And he's like I fucking love California split.

I was like oh all right. Yeah this has devolved into the guys remembering movie hour but this turned to the Chris Farley show really quickly. But with none of the people from it just us talking about how much they like shit. Yeah. Nashville, maybe the best. I love that fucking movie.

Maybe that ultimate movie's art. You know what's a great road movie? It's fabulous Baker Boys, Jeff Bridges and Michelle Fife. That's a fun one. And Bo Bridges? Yeah, fuck yeah. Fun movie.

What's another one with one is like incredibly good looking and the other one's like, you know, hey. Yeah, I wonder who's gonna fuck Michelle Pfeiffer. I wonder which one gets her. You guys ever see, You're of the Dragon, Michael Chimino?

Oh, yeah. I love that movie. That's the, yeah. my brothers we would fight like immediately like it was so intense so much like that talk about like man that's that's a great that's a new york movie yeah like you go to chinatown now there's none of that there yeah i love that fucking movie everything's a hat store of course yeah yeah he's taking over the hats hack triad it's uh shemito and then it's uh what's his face um it's Mickey Roark yeah yeah yeah that's a banger folks he was a man these are all bangers folks that was before he had the face yeah yeah he was a piece

He was a hot dude. Pope of Greenwich Village, another New York movie. I love Pope of Greenwich Village. What was the... Diner? Diner's Baltimore. Yeah, but it's a great movie. Yeah, no, it's a great movie.

Yeah, oh, true. What's the first movie you saw in theaters? Jaws. Really? Whoa. No, I remember my dad taking us to see Apocalypse Now and Jaws. Whoa. How cool my dad was.

But we were really young, you know. Well, I don't know if I saw Jaws and, uh, um, uh, what was it? Exorcist. in the movie theater, but that is something you should look online for like when that hit in New York and how there was like, you grew up here, but there was like lines in Times Square to go

see the X's and people will come out crying throwing up. It was such a shock to them now. All that stuff has been done like on some kind of TikTok channel, all that kind of bullshit, but like people were like just going nuts. Like they couldn't believe it. And like there was like priests and nuns like this

is sacrilege and all that kind of shit. That's fucking awesome. That would be cool to see there, like, just like, you know, how like we're so numb to everything, just back then they had, they had the same reference, you know? Totally. Wow, that's hilarious apocalypse now. Yeah, in the movie theater. To see that in a movie theater

is so awesome. That's incredible. It's not just a dark movie. It's like three hours. I love it. That's wonderful. No, it's amazing. That's just a wild movie to take a kid to. Mine was Aladdin. It must have been shaking. It must have been like something Disney. Like, I can't remember it. It must have been something like that.

Well, it was Aladdin. I remember. It was me and my dad. and I was like, I guess six. I don't know. Was Aladdin 95 elders? I'm so old. Song of the South. Yeah. You didn't see that?

Oh, we went, my dad made the same five times. Aladdin was 92. Oh, 92. That makes sense. That's it. Wow. But I remember being horny for the, like,

not horny, but being like Jasmine in the red when Jafar's got it. If you were a war, dude, you'd be all over that piece. Maybe, yeah, yeah. Honestly, if you meld Jafar and her dad, that's who I am.

The two characters. If you mix the two characters from fucking Aladdin. I'm basically, Aladdin's or Jasmine's dad became to me almost like a, I was like, you never see your mom, but I used to do the math. I was like,

this little fat guy, he fucked some lady and made Jasmine. Imagine how hot the lady was. And so I looked at that being like, if this little fat guy could do, Aladdin was very important to me for my self-esteem. First it taught me like, oh, I like seeing brown girls and fucking red bikinis.

And then it taught me like if a little fat guy like him could, marry a woman hot enough to make Jasmine, you can fuck a hot girl, too. It was very important for you, man. Yeah. It's nice to have lessons, you know, to take lessons from film. My mom was showing me artsy shit.

When I was a little kid, she would show me, like, the red balloon. Oh, wow. It was like French kid walking around. Yeah. I'm like, it just ends with the balloon pop. You're just like, as a child, you're like, life is shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, my mom tried that shit, too. Then she very quickly realized she was raising Americans and not European. She grew up on, like, going to like, Godard movies. Wow. Because she was in Europe. She grew up in, at first,

Bulgaria and then they went to, my grandfather's a prisoner of war. Really? And my grandmother, her family. For the Axis? Yeah, yeah, exactly. He was, he signed up.

He signed up to fight for the axis. He was the left flank of Stalin, right? He was not. He really kind of let it all fall apart. There was a weird civil war after, you know, World War II with Greece,

and he got captured. And my grandmother's family were, were communists. that fled the Nazis because they were putting communists in camps. They wanted them dead too. And so my grandmother, it's hilarious that my grandmother fled

the Nazis through like the back, like the mountains of northern Greece into Bulgaria. Wow. And then my grandfather, her and my grandfather met and he took her back to Greece. Like her whole, my grandfather, grandmother's family is all in Bulgaria. I have like a ton of cousins in Bulgaria, weirdly.

But my mom grew up there, so she started watching movies there. And then Greece and the like, we're talking the late 50s, 60s and 70s. So she's seeing all this like artsy, like European cinema. And she tried to do that. And I was like, and then she threw on the godfather. And I was like, this is more much of me. Yeah, the other shit is just not for a child, you know.

Yeah. But she took me to museums and I'm happy for that because now I like art. Yeah, hell yeah, dude. Look at that. So have you been back to Bulgaria? I've never been to Bulgaria. I want to go. You would crush it there.

Yeah. You really would love to go. I'm doing your, I'm doing like, I'm doing your home. I'm doing Athens. Hell yeah. I'm doing all over. What are you going in Athens? I'm doing, I think, like, early September.

Lisbon, Athens. I might be there. That'd be sick. I'll try and get there. Doesn't it kind of like ruin it now that everybody goes all the time? Like, that's what they say in Italy. Like, it's packed. You know, it's like you can't walk anywhere.

Yeah. You don't want to go to Rome and like, there's like four months where I talked to a guy in Rome and he was like, don't come, you know, I don't even remember the times. He was like, come like kind of towards the winter, come towards the end of the fall. because in the summer and shit, you can't even fucking move. But Greece, at least, you know, you don't want to go July and August,

I don't think, but September is the best. I did, I did Italy last year. I did Rome. I didn't do a gig there, but I did a gig in Milan, and they're like, it's like performing in the 80s, like every three jokes you get like an applause break, you know? If you make fun of a gay person, they'll laugh forever.

If you make fun of, yeah, if you make fun of a gay person. Well, I'm not going to get on a plane and fly 10 hours to people who don't get me when I can get it right here. I can go out to South Jersey. right now and find the same. I can get blank stairs at the

stress factory. Yeah. I can book a double at Uncle Vinnie and get the same kind of... It would be awesome if there was like an Italian Vinny brand who hops on and just fucking does... He's like, he's not fucking death. He just does 30 minutes.

No, when people always tell me it's like was there a club there? They don't do a club they have like a cavern. Yeah. Like it's a tune that they kind of cleared out and there's like musky bottle. You always blowing on a bottle or something. Like, you know,

The host holds like a torch. Yeah. Our next act is very spooky. A gypsy juggler opens for you. Oh, fuck. They have all these amphitheaters there. It's gorgeous. Yeah, it is.

No one's done that yet, right? An amphitheater. I think Bird did it. I think Bird did it. You know who did it also? Woody Allen. Woody Allen played jazz and the Athens amphitheater.

And I think it sold the fuck out. Damn. Yeah. I was so fucking hilarious. Which is so funny. The thing he's like fifth best at. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's great.

It's crazy. Comedy molesting children. Being friends with Epstein. His wife emailing Epstein. Okay, seven's best at. That was a weird email. Yeah. Hey, it's hard to get kids into college guys.

You got to know the right pedophiles. You got to. It's funny that he was part of a pedophile hierarchy where it's like, it's like, hey, whoa, Epstein. It's like, it's like, you know, with comedy. Yeah. It's like, he was protein. So wait, Bill did a, did a, um, an amphitheater. I think so, yeah.

And I know, uh, what's his name, Dean did that cavern. I thought that was a cool idea. That was crazy. And has anyone ever done one on a cruise ship? Have you done that? I've never done a, that would be fantastic. Yeah, it's rough, dude. That's funny.

You can get that. Swarson was trying to get us going there. Nick Swarson was trying to get a cruise ship together and I was like, how was the sober guy, the one who wants to do this shit? Yeah, yeah. This seems like a fucking nightmare. I know, I know when like, you know, I had fun on, like, we've, I think we all did the fully loaded tour.

It was a blast. But when they asked me to do the cruise, I was like, same. There is nothing I like to. I love Bert. I had a fun. Yeah. There's nothing I'd like to do less than be on a crew, then do the floating. Yeah.

You know what I mean? And not just Byrd. Anybody's comedy cruise, I don't want to do. Same. I did it once. I did the Impractical Joker's cruise. And it was fun, but I was like, by, Day three, like, get me the fuck home.

That's a lot, yeah. It's a lot. And you're in one of those little fucked up rooms? I was listening to Mike Vecione fuck in the room next to me. Oh, no. Oh, my God. This was pre-married Mike Vecione. And he fucks like you picture.

I'm like, this guy's got endurance, dude. Oh, yeah, dude. He's probably grunting a lot. I get a picture right now. You're just sitting there reading George Carlin's book, doing your work as an artist. I can't believe this. Animals is engaging in carnal pleasures. We have people.

fat guys in Hawaiian shirts to entertain tomorrow, bright and early. We have the 10 a.m. slot right after the breakfast buffet. You get fat as fuck on those things. There's just like a plate of fried chicken in every room. I remember Ari, Ari was on that too, and Ari weighed himself after. He's like, I gained 13 pounds in like six days because he couldn't stop eating the fried chicken. He was high. That's fucking awesome. Well, you're selling me on it, actually. That's not so bad. Well, why don't we listen? We've, we've reminisced enough. Why don't we get to the real point of this show, helping the people out. Dave, one of the, we, you know, he's basically our Yoda. He's basically comedy's Yoda. So why don't we take some of that wisdom? Tell me how you

really feel. Stop reading the prompt. Sorry, I read the email Dave, Dave sent me. What are my people telling you? What is my team trying to promote? His publicist was very clear we have to get this language right. No, he's obviously. So what goes on here? Because I'm not really. We'll tell you right now. These people, we send in some voicemails. They're going to ask us questions, and we're going to solve all their problems. What? I mean, okay, let's go. You're going to, it's a fun.

We'll have a good time. Eldis, give us something nice. Hey, Stav. Eldis, a team guest. I'll try to be quick with that. So my girlfriend and I, we're both trans women in our early. I didn't play. Hey, Stav.

Eldis, 15 guests. I'll try to be quick with the fact. So my girlfriend and I, we're both trans women in our early 30s. Nice. Transitions doing great. Curves and all the rest. places, we're both hotter than we've ever been. That's cool. We love to constantly fuck. We film ourselves

fucking all the time. Okay. So given us naturally, we began to explore some like OnlyFans work. Not just for fun on the side. Just the way of expressing our bodies. I'm a videographer with some experience. So it's a fun way to use some... That's awesome. Be like, I'm a videographer, so, you know, I just felt like me and my, me and my girlfriend, we're just bringing my art into this. You know what I mean? I love the

confidence. By the way, you film yourself having sex, you don't look as good as you think. Well, what if she's got a fucking gaffer, dude? What if they're lighting? What if they're lighting those, you know what I mean? But for me, it's like basketball. I'm like, I'm fucking that slow? Yeah, that's true. It's sad. I'm out of breath already.

I know, dude. A girl, I was like, take a picture, you know what I mean? Take a picture of this and I like had to look at my piece. First of all, it was after I nutted, so my dick looked pretty small. And I just didn't like that how little my dick. I was like, can't we take the pick when I'm absolutely torched? Yes. I need torked and I need to be at the right angle.

I need the lens. I need a lens that kind of does that does that effect that makes things look bigger in camera. A shadow. Yeah, I need to cast a long shadow. A halo with the sun. Yeah. A JJ Abrams lens flare

back lighting my cock. That would be nice. Put me on the dolly and move me back while we zoom in. Like a Scorsese shot. Eldis has been studying cinematography. Was there a need for help or a problem? It's not like somebody figured their life out

really well. I mean, So relationship, we're really hot to be We're talking. Where's the problem? They're having a good time. I didn't see a problem. Is there more?

It's a fun way to use some of the equipment I have. Problem is our roommate. I'm not getting in commercial work, so I'm going to film my girlfriend putting a butt plug in my ass. Yeah, we get it. You went to B&H, dude. Yeah, I'm so saying. Keep going. Problem is our roommate.

I have two of them. She has one as well. Our inscessant needs have really caused a lot of problems so far. Annoyances, gravences, yada. So my question is, how can we start the little sidequets for ourselves without causing a much more grievances for our roommate? Well, I couldn't make that out. What's the context?

There's a third roommate there, I think. Yeah, correct. The caller has two roommates and her girlfriend has one roommate, and the roommates are starting to get pissed off. That they're fucking all. It's like, hey, guys, come on. Chill with the fucking, yeah. Oh, because they're also shooting their only fans as well, right?

I mean, maybe you should have put that in the Craig's. list personally. Yeah, really. Guys, it smells like fucking lube in here. Come on. I would be annoyed, especially like, I've lived in some small places with a lot of roommates,

and I'm like, I would be pretty annoyed if they were fucking nonstop. Yeah, that's true. I've had to, you know how many times? Good thing, Elders didn't fuck so much, but when he did, it was, I knew his rhythm, I knew his cadence. You know what I mean?

I had to put on headphones. Luckily, it did last too long. Luckily, I watched one TikTok and he's done, but. I mean, I'm the relationship expert or anything like that, but can't they just solve this with like, I don't know, attract meat? I mean, you know, equal, you know, maybe a head start, give them a little bit of a head start. There's no way I think throwing a discus wouldn't solve this terrible family problem here.

All right, how about some boxing? By the way, clearly your only fans get in there. Clearly your only fans isn't doing that well. If you have how many roommates? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. Also, it's like, look, is that it? Is that pretty much it? First of all, they're not roommates in a psychiatric treatment center, okay?

They're patients. She's hallucinating all this. Finish it out, oldest? Additional contact. So my roommates aren't like the closest friends. We've lived together for a year now. I don't really know them too well. And I actually pay two-thirds of the rent in my apartment currently.

I don't want to try and pull that card on them, but I will say me to. You're kidding? Because, I mean, I don't want to be a jacket, but I just want to get my phone. and I want to share it with the world. So, yeah, sorry if I didn't give enough contact. Love you, stuff. No, the best part of this call is... Too much context, if you ask me.

Exactly. Wow. We actually don't need to know you do all this time. This call is just... That is a problem, though. There is a serious issue here. Don't you think? This call is purely bragging.

It's just like, I'm getting so much pussy. You know what I mean? He's having a great time. I fuck my girlfriend. We're sucking each other off so much. It's awesome. But my roommates hate it. Yes.

First of all, why do you pay two thirds? And honestly, once I heard she pays two thirds the rent, I'm like, yeah, you get the fuck as much as you want. They're getting a deal. If this, in New York City, dude, if I got to pay like, like, yeah, if I got to pay $500, my fucking roommates can fuck in the living room. Do whatever you want, right? You know what I mean? So the fact that you've got all of this is not a, it's, that ain't, that's not a big deal. But yeah, this doesn't, this isn't.

It's a weird thing to explain, though, for the roommate who's bringing someone up, like, wow, you got a really good deal in this place. Like, yeah, they're just, they're going to be banging the whole time. It's a bit of a deal. Yeah, we can't really put anything. We can't put shelves on the wall next to her bedroom. Everything fucked. My vase was bumped off the fucking ledge because they were fucking so hard in there. That's really...

This isn't a problem. You know, listen. I think there's some simple ways just to let them know. Maybe smearing some dog shit on the door. You know, old school. Like, you know, things aren't right here at the apartment. Oh, that's true. Start acting like it's haunted.

Start making them clear out. Scare them out. Leave like, yeah, leave little fucking weird shit, you know, pretend you're a ghost. You're into audio visual stuff. Can you project a ghost into their room? It doesn't sound like a real problem. Like it was like a three-minute message. This is bragging and this is bad.

99% of it was like life is good. So yeah, your life's fine. Here's what you need to do. Pick up some fucking shifts wherever the fuck you work and stop having roommates. Wow. If you pay two-thirds and you have a girlfriend and you're, Things are going good. Why don't you guys move in?

Maybe it's a little too soon, but look, this is not a problem. It sounds like maybe this is the first time in your life that you've really fucked a lot. Like, because I feel like this happens with, I have, you know, trans friends, and I feel like a lot of them go through almost like, it's kind of like going through puberty. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like later in life. So you're basically at the point, this is what happens when people go to college and it's the first time they can fuck. And so they fuck nonstop. And it feels like these girls are in their 30s. They're true.

transitions finally in a good place and they're confident in their bodies, you're just in the, you're in the honeymoon phase of being a woman right now. And you're loving fucking nonstop. You're, you know, you're proud of how you're looked, how things are going. I'm not saying that's going to fade away completely, but it won't, the novelty. It will fade away with age, for sure. The novelty will eventually.

Life gets worse. Yeah, life gets worse. You're in a good spot right now. You and your, how about this? Fucking, if you really want an old day fuck ses, this is a, go to, get a fucking hotel for the day. Go to one of those websites that gives you... In New York? Did she say she's in New York?

No, they're probably in some fucking... I'm just saying if you want to fuck all day, right? Like, for example, if I was enjoying a chili cook-off, I wouldn't take over the kitchen for 24 hours. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's rude. You can't fuck. Look,

if you want to fuck a couple times, three times, whatever in your house, that's normal stuff. But if you're fucking outside of the normal range of like what a roommate does, You know, you want to have a marathon fuck sesh? I'm lucky all my roommates were like fucking losers who never got laid. I'm realizing that I never had a, I mean, I'd hear him cry sometimes in the other room. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Never fucking. I'd hear them beg for pussy, but never, but never fuck. We had a roommate who lived in a window, like in the living room. Yeah, I've done that. And he fucked nonstop. It was hilarious. You could hear, they had the most hilarious relationship because eldest would just wake up at fucking 8 a.m. And he had a two-hour.

get ready for work routine where he would make an omelette and watch Miami Vice and our roommate was just... I take it back. That's a cool ass fucking routine. And our roommate, you just heard those shitty waltz fucking shake while he's batting this girl and Elvis is just playing Miami Vice on the

couch eating his goat cheese omel. I know, so funny. Neither of us thought is this rude. We're both just going about our day. It's like the Siamese twins where like one's playing the piano, the other one's taking a shit. No, I can, mentally we've learned

to give each other walls. So yeah, you're fucking bragging, you don't have a real fucking problem. Congratulations. I'm happy. I'm happy you're getting to fuck a lot. But, you know, just be a good roommate and maybe fucking move out and get your own place. Get your little fuck pad. Next question,

Mr. Sula. Shabi, baby. Love you guys. Long time listener. First time caller. Love for you guys. I have a problem with someone that I'm dating has a hidden addiction, the drinking addiction, and I didn't know about. I'm about two years out of a pretty heavy divorce, but I've been dating, having fun, meeting a lot of nice girls, but none of them have been really clicking. I meet this amazing dream girl, gorgeous, smart, funny, loves movies, sports, all that good stuff. We're like the same teams.

We're from the same city. We're in a different city now. And things are going incredible. The sex is outrageous sexual connection. Everything is great. About eight weeks in, I started catching some red flags off of her, some drama with the family doesn't add up and this and that. I smelled her.

She was driving me somewhere. She spilled her Stanley Cup and smelled like vodka. You think she's the perfect woman eight months in. She drunk drove into a school zone. Yeah. And murdered a bunch of children. Stand by her. You know, that goes to show you how good the pussy is, by the way.

Keep going, Aldous. And this and that. And then she stays in my house for four days while she's changing properties or something. I don't know. And she drinks about 13 bottles of high-end whiskey and mezcal that I have at my house. What? That's kind of cool. Anyway, I can bring her.

Are you banging Charles Bukowski? 13 bottles of whiskey? I mean, literally that's like what deadwood characters do. Yeah, really. Is she trying to stave off cholera? Dude, you know how much? Hold on, do the math. Four days, 13 bottles.

Yeah, that's insane. But he says, you know, I've got like whiskey. I collect whiskey right next to my gun cabinet. I gave her the keys. You know, I trust her. I love this woman. That's insane, dude. The fact that you flabbergasted Sam who has a drinking problem.

He found her up. He's having control now, buddy. I'm used. We're good. But there were a couple of years. When I was addicted to pills, you were addicted to bruise. We had some dark times. We had some dark times, dude.

I think they were good times, dude. They were good times. We were all just trying to recreate Dave's run, dude. He was having the insomnia. You really kind of forced us to want to be cool and do shit. Well, I feel for you and your livers because I know you guys probably have drinking way more than me now. But this guy's amazing where like it's amazing that Coke hasn't come into it yet. No, she's just an alcoholic.

She's up for days at a time. I mean, it's crazy. crazy but alcohol duty. I mean, like, you know, she's got two guys going at this. That's the crazy booze. Yeah. So what is he? I mean, but that's like a serious alcohol.

That's not like sneaking. I also feel like he's probably, he's over. There's no way. Are they little bottles, you think? Who knows? If they're little bottles, like airport bottles, that's not awful. But nobody's only losers collect a little airport. Look where I was.

I was in a hotel. Jesus Christ. Sorry. Go ahead, L.D. I confront her. She flips out. I took her out of my house. She goes on a house.

Bender nearly kills herself with a bender. She goes on a bender. She was on a bender at your house. She had 13 bottles. Anyway, keep going. He flips out. I took her out of my house. She goes on a bender, nearly kills herself with a 0.5BAC. Ends up in the hospital. What? Contact her parents through one way or another. And it turns out she's a massive alcoholic. No. Hold on. We're not there yet, buddy. She might be okay.

All this stuff for me. I also found out a lot of the information that I knew was true. A lot of it was fucked up. So she's in rehab now and I'm really racking my head if I even give this girl a conversation when she gets out. She's the pilot for United. I would have loved to see that

door camera footage. Going head to head. 14 bottles of little whiskeys. You have a problem. You're a fucking asshole. Give me your fucking keys. Yeah. And then the one Good guy.

You need help, ma'am. Yes, no. Is this man bothering you? I just want to go to Blimpies. He won't give me his fucking keys. I got to break up my son from soccer practice. So this guy doesn't even know if he wants to talk to her again? There's a little more.

Yeah. She's messaging me now and back and forth. And it's just, it's a heavy thing. So I need advice on when do I cut people off for lying? or was that lying part of her addiction? And I'm not trying to be too gnarly. That's a tough problem, man. That's a tough one.

She sounds like a good guy, too. That's tough, man. I mean, yeah, if she's in rehab, maybe she'll get, I don't know how it works, really. I think I would, yeah, I mean, you should. You should find out. I think she has to earn his trust. And the best way to do it would be to be the fourth roommate in the first call. for those few people.

Yeah. Yeah, go fun. Let's party. Get a couple trans roommates and try and out fuck them. That's how you get to spark back in your relationship.

That's a tough problem, man. It's a tough one, but listen, I say there's a couple factors here. I think it really boils down to how good it was to fuck if we're being completely honest. I think whether she gets a shot again,

because look, I'll say we're no strangers to everybody that we are friends with is a former addict of something. Broke as we call it. Broke. Yeah, we're all, yeah. And so some of the most fun people,

because in some ways, somebody who has that problem and then goes through rehab and kicks it, they're some of the most fun people you ever meet. Because they have it in them to be a good time, but they know the amount that'll kill them now,

and now they're just chill. So they have like 16 hours a day to learn like Mandarin and karate and shit. They're fucking amazing. Yeah, no, I'm with you. They're the best. So you hope they can figure it out. I think it's fucked up to be like,

you won't even give her a chance, right? Look, you don't have to start dating immediately, but you could just be like, you can, you know, meet for a coffee, see that her shit's good and just kind of take it from there. And if you're saying she's perfect, she's incredible, this addiction is a fucking disease, right? It's fucking real. And, you know, if you really had a good thing,

obviously she acted out. But to be honest with you, dating an alcoholic eight months and you only had one weird episode? It was eight weeks, not eight months. Oh, eight weeks. That's the other... Yeah, but he saw a building. He was, you know... Yeah, yeah.

So I don't know. But he was so... How big her tits? And she does like sports. Yes, you like... Sure, she's suicidal, has a death wish, but she'll watch the next. Come on. Yes, dude.

Does she like heat? Yeah, if you... Okay, that's what we do. Show her heat. Heat fucking rules. Yeah, yeah. She'll like it. Yeah, I don't know, man. I say you can give her...

You can just treat it as like starting completely over in the second you see a... The second you see a red flag, you're out of there. But, you know, give it one more go. Maybe she, you might, this might be the best case scenario. Take care of yourself. Exactly. She owes you one.

That's what they always say. So you can fuck up somehow and she's got to forgive you. Yeah, exactly. Ruin like a big accomplishment of hers. Maybe she's graduating from grad school. Show up with your dick out. You know what I mean? Say, you did this.

You did this, you fucking whore. You drag all my whiskies. Even Stevens. And then we're even. And then you can go on from there. All right. I think we really help this guy too. Give us another one, Eldis.

Hey, Stavvy. So I am recently divorced, and I started to hit the dating pool in a college town. And my name is Sean. And I met this woman who has the exact same name as me. She even spells it the exact same way. That's hot. She's not a man. She's not a transgender.

She wasn't born a man. A transgender. I think her parents wanted a boy. What's the area code for this one, eldest? I'm going to say Kentucky. Let's find out which state does he refer to people? Is this the town without weapons movie? She says her name.

It might shock you to find that it's Kansas. Kansas. Wow. Kentucky. Now I can handle this one. Take her to the stage fair. Show her how it's young. If you're talking with the Ferris wheel and then do a slow two-step with her.

Show her the prize hogs. By the way, great barbecue, not the most progressive place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so Sean, the sexy lady with no cock. Go ahead. No, she told me, but I wasn't listening. And either way, we've been. hooking up a lot and it's starting to get kind of weird in the bedroom because it's too early in the relationship, if you want to call it a relationship.

It's too early to use pet names, like, you know, a pet name that you might give a girl after a long time. But it's also, it feels very narcissistic to yell out my own name. Oh, Sean, this pussy's incredible, Sean. Oh, Sean, you're sucking my cock so good. Even worse, I was dating a girl recently named Stavros. I was like, oh, Stavros, your pussy is amazing. You know what? I think I have hooked up with a girl named Sam.

I've probably been like, yeah, Sam, oh, Sam, and didn't think about it until this moment. I'll never be able to fuck another Samantha ever again. I have to use the full name. What a quaint problem this is. It's like one of those, the movie channel. Sean love Sean Like that poster? Yeah.

Taylor Lautner, the guy from Twilight, he's married to a woman named Taylor Lautner. What? And he married a woman named Taylor, and then she took his last name. That's wild. And they're both named Taylor Lawtoner. That is amazing.

Why don't you just call her what they call her at the office? Coach. Let me in, coach. Come on, coach. Give me a shot. He's got a baby. They're doing like old noir. Come on, baby.

Oh, babe. Yeah, I mean, honestly, this doesn't seem like that. much of a problem, but keep going. There's nothing. Small detail we missed to that. He said, he said her parents wanted a boy. I don't really know. She told me, but I wasn't listening.

Oh, that's a really good sign. So she's Asian. We get it. We get it. All right. I'm glad he didn't get into it. We get it. Yeah, we need a son.

It's spelled X-I-A-N-Z-Z-Zan. No name during sex. You know, she's done it once, and it just kind of ruined the mood. It's just, I don't know what to do. There's no middle names that we like to use.

My middle name doesn't work. I don't go by my middle name, and her middle name is... What? This is... Everyone loves Robert E. Lee. If this is your problem, I think you're going to make it.

I don't think it's going to last very long this relationship. You're maybe one for three so far on these fucking calls, dude. This is like a prom at a one-room school house. Let me tell you. I'm saying, Sean, who gives a fuck? I don't know how far you are from a Bucky,

but you should drive down. I hooked up with a Sam and it didn't even register. Like, who gives this shit? Yeah, you know what I'm... I think that's the cool girl. It's my name's Sam. It's Samantha, but, you know, Sam. Sam's a girl with, like, a leather jacket

and, like, a little bob. Yeah, like, you know, she's a badass. She probably pegged you. She did, but... She called me Sam. It was cool. This is leading to something, though. What is...

I don't think there is. Is that it? I think Elders. just chose another bad call. Is there something in the corn? Are people disappearing in the corn? Ever since Sean and I have been having sex. Children have been disappearing in the corn.

I can't keep fucking this Sean pussy. I bet she's super cool. And this is the guy's like one little problem. It's way worse if you're screaming out like your mom's name during sex. Right. That's a much bigger. Yeah, like I would never fuck someone named Marilyn. That's a no-go.

Yeah, yeah, that's fucking hilarious. But like, Sam, who gives a shit? Yeah, dude, you're a fucking asshole, honestly, if I'm being completely honest with you. Wow. Sean, who cares? You also, she tried to tell you why she's named Sean, and you tuned her out.

You don't know the fucking, like, you know, this lore she was trying to share with you. I think, again, this is another person bragging about getting pussy. There's no real problem here. Elders, you've left another one sneak through. And I pray to God you have one good call while we have Dave Hattel on the fucking

No, I thought that was pretty, these are problems These are what people are dealing with We don't know because here we are in the Parthian You know, here we are Mount Olympus Like gods Poseidon and whatnot We're all looking down on them like the Battle of Troy Oh yeah, I mean

Oh that's not bad we should have a we should have a section of the strip club called Poseidon's Lounge Oh that would be awesome It was just a dirty, filthy baby pool Poseidens Loud release the Crackin Some one I do comes out.

There's an hour a day where we can go bottomless and then that's when we say release the cracking when they pull their pussies out. That's a hit. All right, L-D.

It's your chance for redemption. Will you blow it? Will you do a good call? Let's find out. Hey, Savvy. First time, call a long-time listener. So I'm in a bit of a peckle at the moment. About a week ago,

my brother came into town on the mount to do some work stuff. And he asked me if I can look after his kid. Now, my nephew is around like... Is this Mark Wahlberg from Fear calling? Keep him talking. I've almost got the location. We can trace it.

Okay, coordinate. We got it. Move the team. Move it, move it, move it. Go ahead. He asked me if I can look after his kid. Now, my nephew is around like seven or eight years old. and anyway, I'm like, yeah, sure.

I'll look after him. Whatever. I ended up giving his kid my phone just to give him something to do for a little bit because I had some errands. I had the run, and I'm like, hey, you can play some games on my phone. And he pulled up Shannon Elizabeth's only fans. It was always good. It's not easy running a candy store in the early 1960s.

The sharks and the jets that keep coming. in here. When will you kids learn? This guy's very Brooklyn something. I love it. Yeah. Whatever's happening, buddy, whether you're from a region or you have a fun speech impediment, we love what you're doing.

I love the dramatic pauses. It all was good. Anyway, about two days later, my bank account is negative $600. And I'm like, what the That is terrible.

And anyway, I look through my Apple history purchases and his kid has been... He bought you a speech therapist? BetterHelp is now doing speech therapy as well. This is like the dark side of Welcome Back

Cotter. Poor Shack. So, Mr. Woodman came in. He said, can I watch you, kid? I said, why wouldn't I? This kid fucking drained him on roadblocks probably. What did he say? Did he say what he bought on this?

and his purchases has been making in-app purchases on games and told it up about $800 in and at first I was kind of like okay it's all good it's all good I can just dispute it with Apple it'll be fine he's a kid he's gonna make some mistakes but I dispute it with Apple twice and they rejected they rejected both times Jesus and so I I call up my brother and I'm like, hey man, your kid has spent about $800 of mine on in-app purchases on a video game on my phone. It's like a bad audition. Yeah. You're pausing in the wrong spots, buddy.

This motherfucker's response was, oh yeah, he does that. Oh. Oh, that's crazy. And I'm like, what the fuck do you mean he does that? Oh, yeah, I hear the fire in your voice. And so I asked him, I said, look, I don't. hate to do this to you but he's your kid and I've tried to dispute it but now I'm going to need that money back I'm going to need you to pay me and he's just flat out refusing to do it

that's crazy and so I don't know look that's a lot of money to me that's a lot of money And it set me back quite a bit at the moment. We'll try to play the games. Maybe they're fun. Well, the good news is Superman is at level 100 on your fucking DC Heroes game or whatever the fuck he's playing. The good news is you probably bought some cool skins on Fortnite. You can be fucking, you can maybe do the, yeah, you can do Stewie. You know what I mean?

Like, at least that. This guy brought the energy of a one-man show in Santa Monica. opening his heart to us. And I'm going to say it right away. That kid is responsible. He's seven or 80. He already knows how to do all that kind of downloading and all that kind of stuff.

So I guess this kid is a savant. Of course. Who knows what scams he'll come up with? That's true. Did he say like, oh, I'll pay you back when I, you know, hit the prediction market? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My nephew put like two grand of my money

on the Knicks winning the finals. So I hope it doesn't happen. I hope I get the money back. Yeah. I'd like the money. back. If it happens, great. Wait, that's not real. No. That'd be awesome.

This poor guy, his credit card record, that's what's going to look like weird. Because up until then, it was like, I guess, nasal spray, humidifiers, um, curtains, you know, things like that. And now it's these fun games. Right, right. It's children's games.

That's the red flagged. They're right there on the account. That's tough because either, either a kid is doing this or the, or it's a pedophile. There's no way, unless a kid still, there's nobody else who's So what is the best case scenario? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

The brother is responsible for his job. Yeah, your brother's a piece of fun. Yeah, he really is responsible for it. That's crazy. Also, I would never give a kid my phone. If it was my situation, I would take the boy's kidney. My issues. My issues is a learning experience.

Give me that healthy kidney, you illegal download of my money games. Yeah. The good news is you don't have to pay me back. Yeah, yeah. The bad news is he's only got a wonderful. Mom, will you wake up with a score? What happened? Enjoy your video games,

one, Katie. A tub full of ice. You want to go to Dave and Busters? and yeah, he just wakes up. Huh? Let me teach you a little something I learned in Cambodia. That's fuck.

Is there any more eldest? It'll be pretty much good. That's pretty much it. How could there be? This is the crime of the century. Yeah, I mean, look, your brother's a piece of shit. How do you handle it?

You got to, like, I mean, be like, look, dude, you need to give me this money back. Is your brother willing to fucking cut you out of his fucking life? Because if it were me, I'd be like, I would never let him forget about this. I mean, if it was me, I would absolutely pay my brother. There's no question about it. This isn't, like, for I, one time, I, I, although this is a different issue, I guess. I borrowed, I moved a car for a friend when it was like alternate side parking,

and I didn't see that it was like a fucking school zone or whatever. But I did it. In that case, I ended, ah, fuck, maybe I'm giving contradictory advice. Because I ended up paying that parking ticket because I felt bad. You should. Yeah. I think it's the right thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I guess that's, that's, this is like parents that don't take responsibility for their kids. It's like when you're on a flight and the kids just screaming nonstop. I get that sometimes you can't quiet them down. But you got to try. Give me an effort. Give me an effort just to appease all the eyes looking at you. To keep our society. be like, please, buddy, you know what I mean, to keep, to keep community.

You see a parent just like, fuck him, fuck him. This is like classic people to polish him. This one is like classic people's court of where like who is, who is responsible for who. And it's weird that the brother like he's not going to make good on his kid. So like that's, it's awful. I mean, if he lets him stay there again, you know, then that's really ridiculous. But what do I know? Put that kid to work for you.

Get that 600 back, dude. Yeah, that's true. Get him a worker's permit. Why do you get like a hamster wheel and maybe maybe create clean energy that way? Put the kid, yeah, hook the kid up to some electrodes. I'd like to watch him again this weekend. He's doing deck work. That guy did bring the energy of you.

Remember the guys who would Muppet Box at the Jizz? Like at a show world or something? He had brought that like, I don't have the best job in the world. Let's face it, I made some mistakes. I mop floors with bleach after men enjoy themselves standing. I know you're so right. $800 is a lot of money to me. It's like a tragic minor character in a Brian De Palma movie.

Oh my God. He's like, you know what I mean? He really is the guy mopping up. Yeah, he's at the peep shows mopping it up. I'm the last living bathroom attendant. Yeah. And I can only sell so many mints on the black market. The price of mints.

Colognes. Out towards $42. Hairspray for our Latino friends. Yeah, man, sorry, you're fucked. Your brother's a piece of shit. You should force it. You should, you know, appeal to the other members of your family. Shame will help in a situation like this.

Who? Shame. Oh, not Shane. Okay. Don't ask Shane Gillis for $800. Shame with an M is very important here. Because I think this is the kind of thing that if the rest of your family finds out about, like if this happened in my family or one of my friends, for example, you know, babysat,

if fucking somebody, eldest babysits somebody's kid and he did it to him and the guy didn't want to pay him, we would shit on him relentlessly so that he would know it's his fault. So I would say bring this up to the family, you know what I'm saying? Money is, it will fuck up relationships because it feels like a respect thing.

Totally. And it's also like, I did you a favor watching your fucking kid. And he, like, it's like he fucked you, your kid fucked me up. This is, this sucks. Yeah. Like if he had like destroyed your TV, you buy him a UTV

he basically did that would you like but I feel like he was physically afraid of the child like it's like he's 70 he weighs 195 pounds he's pure muscle he is raging

he's always banging his head against the you know it's like one of those things he might be yeah he might what they're putting in the fucking hormones these days he put his head through a Lego land window we are all terrified of him

yeah dude sorry you had to deal with his little menace your brother's a fucking asshole He's, like, in the bathroom quietly talking as he's, like, pounding, like, come on, I want a snack. Give me a fucking snack pack. Your card got declined, by the way. I'm not alive on plants versus zombies.

I'm not taking him more of your pills. It's time for me to rage. Oh, this is about a fun, quick one to go out on a little buddy. Oh, God. We're done after this. No, no, please. I don't think I'm helping much, but it's very interesting. You almost said it.

You started saying enjoying, you're like, not helping. Well, no. I mean, we're here for the people, are we? Eldis. Hey, stop. I'm a 32-year-old gender fluid person with a beautiful, perky, natural double-bee. That's what we like. And I love sucking dick.

Okay. Salute. This is the best one. Recently, I've been having a lot of casual. sex with, well, I'm pansexual, so like all kinds of people. Nice. But many of these people have dicks, both cis men and trans women. Cool.

Respect, by the way, pause this. I love someone who's suck dick first. I don't care who the cocks attached to. It can be attached to a guy, it could be attached to a trans woman, it could be attached to a non-binary person. The point is, our friend with the perky titier, they're sucking dick, and I respect them for that. This woman is living the life that only Sean and Sean have.

I mean, where are these calls coming from? They must all know each other. Is it the same comfort in and a small town near an airport? Yeah, yeah. Our caller here keeps telling the story. It's like, and I'm trying to suck dick in my room, but my roommates won't stop fucking.

We needed a babysitting one to cleanse our palate from all this dick sucking. This is crazy. All right, finish us up here, LD. And I've been hearing a lot, wow, you're really good at that. That's awesome. When I'm going down on people with dicks. To the point where I'm like,

does that even mean anything? It does. Do guys say that to everyone who sucks their dick? Or am I actually really good at that? Let me tell you you are. Let me know what you think. I. You certainly are.

You're a rare talent. If you're good, I say you really good. And if you're bad, I'm like, please. up. There's no, you know, there's no you're bad at this. Right, right, right, right. That's amazing or not, let's do something else. Or you quickly move on to penetrative intercourse.

Exactly. You get, you let them do their, for their self-esteem, you let them suck your dick a little bit. You don't want them to think, you don't want them to have a complex about being bad at suck. Your dick looks like a dog shoe to me. You're like, no, it was good. It was good.

That's funny. Let's just, let's move positions real quick and get me an ice pack. They half circumcised me while, while sucking me off. I had to go to my urologist to get it reattached. I had to have a reverse bris after I got my dick sucked. Wow. Anyway. I would love to be like, you ever go to like a Starbucks in the middle of the day

and there's always like the people, the brooders, like, is there someone like that? They're like, I wonder if I'm just awesome at sucking dick or are they just saying it? What's the bathroom coat again here? This beautiful woman, just like, oh, man. You know, I'm like Spider-Man. You know, it's like a gift and a curse.

but I'm like the best dick sucker, but I don't know if they really think so. I've had people tell me the amazing at sucking dick who I'm just like friendly. And I'm like, it's just a weird thing to throw into a conversation. Sure. Yeah, well, I mean, you can't.

You can't tell me you're the best of making fucking, you know. Pancakes? Yeah, pancakes or a crock monsieur and not serve it to me. I had a woman who was my manager once told me she'd have break them. She's like, good luck finding the best blowjob again

because I give it. And I was like, yeah, I don't think you should have told me that. Interesting. She's managing herself. Starting, yeah, her good, a little bit of PR. This woman sounds awesome. Yeah, you sound sick. I love what you're up to.

And, you know, I will say, yes, I think getting that compliment over, I don't think everybody's getting that compliment. And I think you're just a talent and enjoy it. You love it. They're loving it. Yeah, this is, this is not a problem. Again, but you know what? It was a fun one to go out on.

And I also like that you put a perky, gender fluid person in our minds. Now I'm thinking about them. They're big-ass titties. I'm thinking of like Velma from Scooby-Doo who just sucks the mean dick. Maybe some blue hair. Something cool. Maybe a cool piercing. And they're sucking all types of dick.

And for that, we salute you, our friend. Believe in yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. How low is your self-esteem where you can't even, you don't even think you're good at sucking dick? You are, and we love that about you. Thank you to everyone who called in, And even people without huge tits that are good at sucking dick, we appreciate you.

Dave, thank you for christening the studio. Oh, dude. But an honor, honestly, great time. Both of you guys, my fave. So, just hang with you guys. You're the best. Always good times. And if somehow we have, we've gotten a lot of, like, YouTube people, a lot of people who aren't stand up first, if you haven't seen David tell stuff, the best comic.

My favorite comment. Let me give you a taste for some shadow puppets. Woo! What, hell. I'm the best they're talking to him. Hopefully I'm playing to a crowd full of Sean's. I can't wait. Thanks, everybody.

We will see you next time. Bye-bye.