Stavvy's World - #186 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: June 22, 2026

Ari Shaffir returns to the pod to discuss his extensive travels through exotic foreign jungles, looking exactly like the guy that you don’t wanna room with at a hostel, the idea of a straight dude who’s super into saunas, extreme fluctuating kush tolerance, defiling the beautiful innocent Stavvy’s World backdrop, and much more. Ari and Stav help callers including a guy who found out the busty babe from the gym that he’s been hooking up with is married, and a woman whose grandmother has fallen in love with a Keanu Reeves impersonator who uses AI pics.   Watch Ari Shaffir’s storytelling standup series The End: https://theend.ymhstudios.com/   See Ari Shaffir live and follow him:   https://arishaffir.com/   https://www.facebook.com/arishaffirstandup https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.youtube.com/arishaffir   Thanks to our sponsors!   Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!!   Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW!   ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!   🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets   ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Bubba! Welcome, everybody, to Stop This World 904-800 stuff. Call in, we'll solve your problems. Very exciting episode from the jungles, from the jungles of the Amazon. That's kind of, yeah. I've had for a little bit. We've just found Ari washed up on the Hudson River, his shipwrecked. He was trying to sail across the Amazon through the back to the ocean. One of those jet skis.

And then I wrecked right at the ocean. end. We have Ari Shafir here. He just put out the end, his last big storytelling show, a show that he's had a lot of different versions of. The Comedy Central was called, what's it called? Comedy Central was called this not happening. It's not happening.

Then the untitled Arishafir Storyteller show, which was just a legal loophole. Spite name. Because Comedy Central fucked him in the ass and took his IP. So he was like, well, fuck you. I'm going to do it anyway. And it was pretty, it was still good. And this one, the end, very good. A great line, a hilarious lineup.

I remember I was doing something. I wanted to do it so bad. I wanted you on really bad. I think I was doing maybe Tony the movie. When did you, when did you shoot it? This was about a year ago, April. So it's like, yeah, I was like,

yeah. So it would have been like March or February and you're like, fuck, hold on. I was on tour and then I had to do Tony right afterwards. That's exactly what happened. Have you ever done a live one? A live what? A live.

Special? No, our storytelling show, whatever, under whatever day. No, I did Big J's show once. That's crazy. And I've just never done. I don't have that many fucking stories. I know, but it's like a, it's like an assignment to be like,

of course. Think of one and then it comes out of it. Don't worry about it. And actually doing Big J's show helped me like, I was playing around with a threesome joke that I like kind of, I was like, there's more, and then I ended up closing my first special with it. And it was like the best crowdwork I ever did

because I would get into it by being like, you have somebody any threesomes. And the ways people have threesomes are so bizarre. There's like a cock, there's a cuck. There's like your standard cock threesome's. There's your like, a guy is doing some gay shit to fuck a hot girl, basically, threesome. There's like, you know, there's like. There's the craziest, like, I just started talking to two different women at a bar, which doesn't exist.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I got, I never got those. Yeah. It was always, and what was, what was, what was, what was, what was like, there are some guys who are cursed with heterosexuality, who wish they could fuck their boys, but they like pussy too much. So they literally fuck chicks together. And it's almost like they're using a woman as a. conduit to have gay sex with each other.

That was a funny style of threesome. It does bring it closer together. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Remember that time we did that? It's like going over a ballgame. It's like... Oh, dude, the most misogynistic cultures do the gay as shit. Like, Greek villagers.

Greek. Greek villagers, like, I went, I remember when I was like... And I went to like, my, my family had like a house. That was like, you know, two or three hours outside of Athens. but for Europe two hours, a two-hour drive, you know how they are. It's like, that's like a fucking 14-hour flight to that. Yeah, got to get everything in that.

They have such a villagers mindset where they're like, and, you know, we'll just drive four hours like it's nothing, but we went there. So it was like a little outside of Athens, and it was a beautiful, in a beautiful place. I don't remember if this was a place called, or if it was the, they have another, there was later on.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. Kind of hickish. And these, like, like, young-year-olds are talking about how, like, them and their older, they're like, how their cool older cousins, like, like helped them run trains on, like, talk about a run trains. They're cool older cousins. Yeah, yeah, like, that was the bonding experience.

And it was like, you know, and it was like, you know, weird. And they're like pumped. And it's like, dude, I think you're like, cousin is sort of molesting you. Like, I think he's making you fuck a woman. He's making you get naked in front of him. Yeah. And like, yeah. And it's like, why would I get naked in front of you?

It was like, here's a girl in the same. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're like, no, this is cool. tiny dick. They felt like it was like, they felt like it was when a JV player gets called up to varsity. That's how they were,

everyone was like the one year old that got to be in a three. You know, maybe we should bleep this out. Let's bleep out his age. Let's say he was 18, 18 year old villager. Anyway, look,

this is not what you should do, folks. This is what you should not do. This is what you should not do. We're trying to show you a story of ill. It's weird. It's fucking weird how, how like, how this shit happens. Anyway,

but yes, I never did. To come back, no, I never did do your story. Did I ever invite you to a live one? I didn't do as much in New York as in L.A., but I did have sometimes plenty of festivals. Yeah, but that just never worked out. But go see the end, you know, watch the end.

Folks, it's been out for a while now, very funny, a lot of great people on it. It's great. Everybody's loved it. Yeah. Response is like, like, it's kind of cool. Just do it all yourself. I love that.

Dude, we got to start doing shit completely independently. You did it? Yeah. Yeah. There's, you know, the, you know, everything, that's the way to do it. And I think, like, I'm very excited. obviously for my Netflix special, and I do think there's still a space for like our specials to go on certain platforms.

But I think everything else, like, stand up two is like such a... Real. It's just like, it's nice to... I guess what I'm saying is I want to go, I want to start putting more stuff out myself on YouTube because it feels like you have more control and it's cool to see it be, you know, successful. You're more control for sure. You can be like, I'm putting a song in here.

Yeah. You're like, do you have the right? Like, nah, let it. No, who cares? I'm not making money anyway. Who cares? I don't think the rolling stones are that litigious. But anyway, so you did this storytelling thing, and then you did something which I love, which I am envious of, where you just do something and you just disappear.

You literally just left. You finished your work and then you went. Where did you go? I went all through Latin America. Wow. No offense to Albania, I'm sure. That'll be my next trip. You can't spend eight months in Albania.

You would love Albania. You'd fucking just disappear into the hills. I really would Yeah I started in Mexico And I just worked down To the tip of Argentina And then back up through Brazil to carnival You went to carnival?

Yeah That's all Not Rio Not Rio Not Rio Everybody I talked to In Uruguay and Argentina Every Brazilian

They're like Do not go to Rio That's commercial shit That's not real shit There's four other carnivals And they're all way more chill and fun Fuck yeah So it was like interesting

Okay Plus Host beds in a dorm Where $400 a night Oh my God Rio during carnival. That's fucking brutal. Yeah.

And it's like, I don't think I wanted that bad. Yeah, yeah. So did you just fucking backpack? What'd you do? Yeah, backpack. It's a bit my knees are fucked.

They're getting better. But like, yeah, just like 70 pounds on my back. Holy shit, dude. If you buy anything, you gotta dump something.

You're full on space right away. Whoa. So you were really like living, you're on the fucking Oregon Trail basically. Yeah. These shoes, I just got a new pair because I wore the other ones out.

But like these, I can go out at night with these. Yeah. Like if I needed to like, right, right. be at a restaurant, like they'll do enough. Right, right, right, right. You look like a dork, but it's still, but still, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, one pair of shoes is the tough one. Everything, well, I had hiking shoes and these, so I could flip them around. And one of these Burt Kreischer flip-flops that fucking ruled. Oh, yeah, the, like, uh. Not the slides. No, the leather ones. Oh, I love them. I'm a slides guy.

And they're very cushioned. Yeah, they're cushioned. And they have Burt's face on it, which is hilarious. Step right in Burt. Take that. Take that, Burt. Suck my toes. But yeah, but everything in a backpack. It's just fine.

Everybody's doing it. All the gap your kids are doing it. It's usually like 28 year old. Yeah, that's the thing. It's like, do you feel weird doing a child's vacation? Do you feel weird doing an eat, pray, love? It's like, you'd have to be divorced or 19. And you just got married.

So it's very funny that now is when you're backpacking as a fucking 50 year old man. They're mostly, they're mostly like, hey, whoever's here is here. We don't care. If we're playing cards, some Austrians, like, let me show you an Austrian car game. We're all in. There's sometimes where it's like... O'O Austrian card game? You sure you want to be involved in that?

What happens if a Jew loses an Austrian card game? Oh, the punishments were severe. Don't lose. Don't lose. It won't be an issue. Yeah, my grandfather taught Mrs. He spent... That's how they killed time.

He was a prison guard. Bro, there's so many streets and statues, like in the southern, like Argentina and stuff named after just German-sounding names. And, like, when did they get here? You know when. Yeah, we'd look him up. You know when.

He made a fortune kind of exited Germany in those... Interesting. Mid to early to late 30s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Somewhere between the early 20s and late 30s he got there. Right. That's what the official ledger says now. That motherfucker got there in 1948.

Yeah. That motherfucker got there. As soon as the fucking... As soon as the cordite on Hitler and the back of Hitler's head cooled. That guy was on the first steam engine to fucking Argentina. Entire German cities, but I didn't get to one. Well, I did hear... Because I do think, and Elders maybe look this up, I don't know.

I feel like... We'll look at it now. Yeah, yeah. We still need the... Elders did not set up the TV. You should also say, actually, I didn't say this at all. This is our first episode in our new studio. I'm person of it.

Yeah. I'm personal. You are. Which basically means it's... You know, you're getting the shittiest version of it. Don't... Do not put your penis. No circumcised penis or to touch the artwork.

Stop it. Stop fucking the backdrop By the way, we've used the backdrop before You'd have to fuck the studio walls We've used We've done maybe a hundred episodes With this backdrop Now I'm just a whore

You just fuck the scenery for no reason No, stop, don't fuck the sign, Ari Sorry Sorry But yes, we have We'll say more about it later But we're still figuring our shit out But we're very happy

That Stobby Baby Enterprises has a world headquarters now in the beautiful Chelsea in beautiful Chelsea Manhattan Eldis picked it it's right next to a couple men's only spas where she's been going to a lot

for some reason I don't know what that's about Eldis he keeps blowing off some steam at the men's spa of Chelsea just real stressful setting everything up you know right you gotta be within distance of a comforting massage spa plays place to unwind some like-minded guys

like-minded guys Like my guy, just shooting a shit. Talking sports, talking sports and getting down. Talking sports, getting some knots out, sitting in the sauna, whatever happens, happens. And then you leave and you go back to your wife. The classic men's spa experience. It's so hard to find a non-gay sauna on the road. Here you, there's a couple, but on the road you go like, oh, cool, bathhouse. And you get there like, God damn it.

I've had people tell them like, no, you know it's all men. You don't need to wear shorts. I'm like, oh, okay. And they go, take your shorts off. Take the shorts off. I mean, they're always. Yeah, come on, man. Can't I just get a steam while you have gay sex in the corner?

Leave me alone. It'd be really funny to love sauna so much. You're like, fellas, I'm straight. You have all the sex you want. Just please leave me alone. I'll be here wearing sunglasses with my AirPods on. People are just like bent over railing. I think I could enjoy the sauna if a guy was discreetly jerking another guy off.

Anything more than that, I don't think I could handle. I want the steam. I want to know the steam is made by the sauna. and not by the actions going on. Right. Well, you'd have to really be... I don't want the humidity. You'd have to be butt fucking

at a crazy rate to create steam. Well, that's how I butt fuck, stop. Listen, listen, you do your half-ass way. You'd have to suck dick at an insane rate of speed to create steam. Imagine somebody sucks your dick so fast.

Like me yogi. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steam coming off his hands. And then you have a wrinkled shirt. She blows on it. It's completely fucking... She gets all the wrinkles out. She presses.

I butt fuck rapidly in front of T-shirts. Yeah, you could mouth, you could equieve, fart, blow on it, whatever. Just get Tom and Steve to come over to your house and all your stuff is just spick and span, Steve. Yeah, dude. I've not, I've not gone to that. I really just keep the sauna here. Or I have become a sauna guy in general. I do like it.

I'll take you to one. I want to fucking, I want my own sauna. I want my own little sauna. Yeah, that would be nice. would be really My dad built himself a sauna downstairs for like 7th birthday. Whoa, that's awesome.

Whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mexicans are Albanians. Of course, of course. He oversaw it, but. He was the foreman on the project. But man, it's so great to have it downstairs. Wait, in the, because you grew up in Silver Spring, right?

Oh, yeah. We know, yeah, we got Maryland. Yeah. So there's no way that was to code in Silver Spring, by the way. No, you got, your dad's got an illegal sauna in a basement. That's fucking awesome. Okay, so what was your? your favorite country? Like what was the most notable

notable experience on the backpack? It's tough. There's a ton. I wasn't gone for three weeks. So every time somebody's like, what's your favorite? Like, man, that's fucking that's difficult. Don't give me, you're right. Favorite is a hack. That's a bad way to be an interviewer and I apologize. I do the same shit. I'm like, this is a better word. This is just, this is literally just, I'm fucking tired.

And I'm like, I got to do a fucking podcast with a broken arm before going back to the movie. What's your favorite vacation? I got one for you. You know I'm gone. You're here. I'm gone at some level of months, whatever. I said to text everybody, like,

this ain't gonna be my number anymore, so lose it. Right, right, right, right. Are you at all, like, I wonder what he's doing, or like, what kind of, where's he eating or where's he, like, sleeping or whatever? I guess what I think about it was just,

I literally just, in my mind's eye, it's like literally a fucking, like, thatch, a roof, thatch hut. Yeah. With a grass floor, you're fucking, you're like, barefoot, you know what I mean? You've taken a very, a squat, Guatemalan wife for the time,

being. You've taken a small woman. They are the smallest. You've taken a small woman who's grounding cassava root in a fucking mortaring pestle to make you weird little specific pancakes. Like to me, to me, you've like just gone native. Yeah. To me, I think you're living the life of like a some like European that went down there to run a brutal like plant like sugar cane plantation. You know what I mean? Like, which I know is not what you're doing. But I literally think of like you just overlooking a beautiful valley. Yeah. You know, in the, in the, in the, the, I just think of the most idyllic version of it with, I mean, idyllic, it's horror, you know, it's like, I just think, basically what I'm saying is I don't think of bugs, you know.

Yeah, basically. When I was on a city, I told you about, there were some days like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure, there were some days where I'm like, I haven't worn shoes in almost a week. Yeah. It was pretty rad. But a lot of it was like big metropolitan cities. Cool.

Santiago, Buenos Aires. So you basically, you check into a hotel when you get there and you live with a human being. You're a hostile guy. Never a hotel. Occasionally A hotel If I'm in and out The hotels are cheap enough

If there's no hostels It was like a totally not tourist town Right right right right They're like we don't really have that Hostel seems brutal You're fucking in there with like Again Like children

You get a private Private hostel But sometimes they're not available And you just do I mean I got pink eye out of them A couple times They're not clean I mean

You wake up You wake up You're like Oh fuck A fuck A fuck A couple was eating each other's ass On your pillow

24 hours ago Because you'll see the guys cleaning up if you're like, and you're like, wait, did you change your sheets? Or you just make the bed. Oh, dude, if I got into a bed and there was clearly another person's musk in there, it would fucking, I would go crazy. I would hate that. Yeah.

I'm too much of a, first of all, I'm too fat, right? Bad back. You were still did buses. Huh? You do buses. Yeah, but it's a night. I know the mattress. I can get used to it.

I'll sleep in a nice Airbnb. Like, we got that, remember that LA, Airbnb. Airbnb. But not like you're going to see people. No, but what I'm saying is like, I'll go to a nice Airbnb, and if the mattress isn't right, I'm fucked for three days. So I'm just too fat right now to do some shit like that.

And also I'm too, I do think I've like, I have quickly forgotten how horrible my life used to be. You can get used to it, and it takes about 10 days. Yeah. And then you're like, whatever, it's fine. I mean, I've had bathroom doors you open up and they fall off and you're like, fuck.

No joke. Like, I escaped poverty. I don't want to go back for, fun. It was like I don't, you're talking about me just, oh, why don't I, oh, you know it'd be a fun vacation eating hot dogs and ramen noodles for dinner. Yeah. After after, after, after fourth grade. Yeah. I was like, I think I'm good, man. I think I just want to stay in nice place. It was social. That was the thing, though. Social seems like you find out what there is to do. You find people to do it with. That part is like, I've never gotten that out of town. I've never met anybody in a hotel.

You're absolutely right about that. So you get used to the shit that they're used to, too, to. And then you're like, I mean, I put my bags down in, in some city in Brazil. And they're like, hey, we're going to see the fucking, the Beyonce Brazil. Whoa. Like, oh, like, you want to come? It was like grade school again. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, five minutes.

I'm like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. And then it's like you're just out talking to people from all over. Yeah. And they don't. And the thing is, they don't know how lucky they are that you were not there to sex traffic people.

Because a guy that looks like you. I can see the victim. A guy that looks like you. at a hostel, like being like, oh, hey, kid. Like, literally, how do you do fellow kids? The fucking Bouchemmy meme. Oh, my God. Where are you from?

Who else knows you're here? Yeah. Does your mom have your location? Your exact location. Hey, show me. Hey, guys, let's all turn off a location. It'll be fun. Let's unplug, guys.

Leave your phone here. I know this great, I know this great hike of this really secluded hike. We're definitely no, no fucking Eastern European mobsters are waiting. by a shipping container to take you to fucking God knows where. Yeah, dude, that, you know, but that's good. It was the unplugging mostly. That's what you would like. Yeah, I would like the unplugging.

It was the, it was the. And you know, maybe that's why when I think of what you're doing, I'm actually fantasizing about what I want to be doing. Yeah, you would do what I did probably here. I would, exactly. In a New Island or something. I wouldn't like to do that much, I would like to set up shop, I think, a little bit, you know? So everybody's got to do it their own way?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. You would get a cab. I would 100% be on the... You're so right. Greek Island. And I'd fucking grill. I would try and buy fresh fish and cook it myself.

Teach me how to fake this. Can I watch you make it? Can I teach me how to make it? Exactly. I would love to go on a boat with a fisherman. I would love that, dude. Fuck, maybe I will do this. And they don't know you?

They don't know me. They just seem like an inquisitive guys. I know. And I know enough Greek where it's like I can get... Like, that's the other thing. In Greece, I can actually speak. And it would help my Greek to actually speak to people. That's been my dream of like...

The last five years, Every year I'm like, this year I'm going to agree for six weeks. And every year something. This year, it was happening. Dude, it's so fucked up. A hundred percent. I had a plan. That's the right time to do it too.

I had a plan. And I was like, here's what a piece of shit. What, what, what, how much I cursed the gods where I was, I was literally looking at my calendar. And I was plotting everything out. And I was like, wow, it's going to. I don't see any way it doesn't happen this year. The next day I break my arm. Literally the day before I was, I was like looking up flight.

It was that much. I was like, I think this is the window. And I was just looking up flights to see the prices and like, oh, should I do it now? And I was like, there's no way. Special into the movie, into the next movie coming out, into tires coming out, into my special coming out. And then right after I go to Greece,

now who fucking knows what's going to happen. But I am going to try and go out there for two weeks at least. So it should be nice. Two weeks to me is about the time to 10, 12 days. And they're like, I'm relaxed now. And now I can enjoy it from there. It's at least a reset. It's not a full reset, but it's a.

It's a recharge, not a reset, I guess. Well, you should do if you do one of those is like, is like just get a burner phone or another phone and just take just your mom's number. 100%. Or anyone you would need to, everyone else, like, don't bother me. That's a great idea. Make it literally impossible for me to use my,

to use Instagram or Twitter or whatever the fuck. Dude, I've gotten back and I've noticed that I don't know, but the talking points came and went, and I was never made aware of them. so I could hear somebody referencing something that I don't know and I'm kind of glad I don't. Yeah. And I'm like,

you're like, hey, I haven't seen a new Charlie Kirk video in a while. What's going on? I did hear about that. Yeah. Did you hear about that? In Guatemala.

In Guatemala is where you found out. You know what? I was in Greece when it happened actually. It hits different. You don't get as emotionalized. Yeah. No, there I was like,

I mean, when it broke in Greece, first of all, you just hear there's a shooting and it's like, oh, damn, that sucks. And then when he died, when like he died,

I was like, damn that like I've heard of that guy but you shouldn't fucking kill people you don't agree with that's that's and that was all that was what I thought it was gonna be and then I get home and like Republicans are like if you are not sad about Charlie Dick really you need to die really you saw that guy that one guy not all Republicans like no dude there's that one guy who's like like in a golf they're all acting guys in golf polo's crying like this is MLK it's like he was anyway you know they're all gonna stop myself acting they're all just doing steven A Smith yeah yeah yeah yeah all just doing a version of Stephen A. Smith. 100%. You don't actually care about this.

But you convince yourself you do. Well, all of them wanted to be famous. Every one of them. Ben Shapiro is a failed screenwriter. Really? Really? Oh, yeah. I mean, juice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's tough. It was successful.

Ben Shapiro couldn't make it in Hollywood. Imagine how bad he was in fucking screenwriting. Should have called yourself Bin Yamin Shapiro. You might have gone further. They bent through people off. But it's like, you know, and a lot of... Ben, is this an old black man? I'm not reading all the other other name.

I don't need to see the last name. But like a lot and a lot of like, a lot of like conservative online figures or pundits are like failed comedies. How many failed standups become conservative pundits all of a such? You know what I mean? Such a weird word. You stayed out of it. You're so good.

Yeah, but it's so anyway, it's like, that shit happens all the time. But I remember coming home and being like, Jesus. When you're in Greece, it's like, damn, that's a tragedy, that's sad. And you just go about your. day. And then I came home and it was like, they were getting people fired for being like,

I didn't like when he said black people, you know, deserve to vote or whatever, you know, don't deserve to vote or whatever like the voting rights act is the biggest mistake we've ever made. And it's like, it was, it was actually, fire people over it. Dude, it was kind of schizophrenic because I was like, and obviously I know these people are hypocrites, but it's like, this is exactly what you were mad about. Do a team. They're such. It's literally the same thing where they were getting people fired for making jokes they didn't like. And it's like, I don't want to, I don't want to use slurs on your podcast, but like, but like both sides are such. You can bleep it, Eldis. Such f***. And his mouth too. Don't let people know what he said.

I mean, they're both so lame. But listen. It's so, and they're like, dang, yeah, yeah. It's like, so then don't do it yourself. Anyway, it's fine. The both, but I will say the both sides argument does bother me a little bit because now we're talking, like, both sides, when they call, you know, left, when they call Mondani a communist, and it's like, the guy wants fucking child. Like, one side is we should have health care, and the other side is let's round up every brown person

and fucking try them without any due process. So I do think there's a little difference at this point, but we don't have to talk about it. We could talk about how... They didn't mean bitching about, like, some words. Yes. And everyone's like, oh, you're so mad about these words. Like, guys, fucking go back to your...

You're not supposed to see... Let's get back. Let me ask you this. When's the... Did you jack off in a hostel? Yeah. Yeah, tons of times. Generally, and were you in a room with other people?

This is the stavi questions. Yeah, yeah. Now we got it. What's your favorite place? Yes. So, did you jack off in a hostel and how did you manage it with other people then? Okay. Shows are your friend. Shower.

That's usually where you go to fuck. Oh. Unless you're a fucking German. An animal. And they just do a fucking animal right up top of the fucking bunk bed. Wow. On top. Did any, did any juices drip on you?

Did they come through those thin camp mattresses they have it? bro, fuck Germans. And not for the reasons you would expect. And not for, that's fine. We're good on that. We're good on that. I test drove a BMW once. We're fine.

But this new shit, untow... Ari's over it. It's not... To him, it's... Yeah, it's how... I do think they seem like a very, like, utilitarian culture where it's like, well, yeah,

we have the room. We should have pussy here. You know what I mean? The shower is a gentleman's way to... Or go hiking the two. So it was in this place where stayed, it was like... There's an oasis.

It's all polluted now, but it's dunes, sand dunes as far as you can see. I'm sure they've shot movies there. Yeah. That's beautiful. Where was this? Peru. Oh, hell yeah. Damn, I want to go.

I've never been to South America. This trip sounds awesome. Yeah. I don't know about the backpacking, but I'll go to like three. Minor city. I mean, it's cool if you're there, but no one's flying straight there. It's not like Machu Picchu or where it's super famous. And I met some Australians.

There's one of those where I saw some people that I saw it recognized. And I'm like, dude, generally I wouldn't. but if I do and I'm looking to party, this face is a weapon. Yeah. I'm like, I'm invited for sure. Let's go.

Get around. Oh, dude, if you're a fucking, if you're some weird Australian who like, you know, is familiar with your work, if you're backpacking, the dream is you see a bearded, derelict Ari Shafir.

Like, hey, mate, you remember that guy that we were laughing at. I got drinks with him. I think of a girl with him. Like, that's the best story of all time.

Me and Orr Safierier, ran a train on this girl. Evan Marchu Picchu. Oh, dude, we had so much of these two minors. These two minor Australians. They're like on six months, off six months. Oh, no, no, no. Literally like, adults.

Yeah, adult minors. Yeah. I mean, you know, pink, pink, pink. Yeah, and we're talking about how, how, fuck, the state of origin, shit, whatever. And then I kept seeing him go to the bathroom and I'm like, well, I know what in Australia is. So I followed him once as soon as the door closed. You seem really, you seem really energetic after every piss you take. I just kicked the bathroom door open.

And they're like, what the fuck? I'm like, line up. It's the police. Let me snort some cocaine. Or we're sending you back to Brisbane. But some chick lost her phone. She was like, my phone was stolen because they were kind of, there was some stories about, like,

drugging people and taking all their stuff there. Oh, yeah. And she goes, I lost my phone. At hostels specifically? At these bars there where the cabdravers like, do you want a free shot? I'll drive you home. And a dude fell for it because we've never been drugged.

Right. And then woke up with nothing. Right, right, right. But some chick was like, my phone was stolen. I was like, but you weren't drugs? She goes, no. I'm like, you sure it wasn't when you were fucking in the dunes? And she was like, it definitely wasn't that.

I'm like, and we're like, when did you have a last? Like, right before I went to the dunes to go, fuck this guy. Like, I think it might have been. I think it's in the dunes. Because once you lock, it's gone. Wow. And she was like, no. And we're like, lady, it's okay.

But that's where you go fuck. Right. You find out, let's go fucking the dunes. Let's go fucking the Amazon. So you never jacked off in your bed with other people there. 100% I did. so many times. But it's more gentle than...

But quiet. I'm an adult. Short strokes. So also you want to... One eighth strokes. You want to... If you're lying down, you can go straight. Or you can just do a little,

a little curve. And then if you see a little curve, then what you don't get is this. Right. Right. You just get... You have some space. Right.

And for our audio-only listeners... You're fucking up. Ari is showing you how to use your thigh to disguise jacking off. Blake, so imagine blanket. And maybe you put your t-shirt over as well. No, but imagine is a blanket.

A blanket. So there's a blanket. And then you're just like. So you tend to the blanket and you short stroke it so that your hand does not. Now look, if they're looking at your elbow, they're seeing some motion,

but who's really peering in that? Who's staring? You don't make any noise. Are there curtains or no? And the good ones, yeah. And the good ones, yeah. You get a privacy curtain. So then you're fine.

Yeah. But sometimes on the top bunk and that's all you get. There's no privacy curtains. And, yeah, lame, but sometimes you just gotta. And you're at any point in your life did you ever fuck in one of those?

even when you were more reckless, did you ever fucking... I tried once. I got turned down by a girl. She was like, I'll just sleep with you, but like, we're not doing anything. I'm like, okay, but I'm not... Yeah. That's not what I'm hearing.

Sure, sure, sure. So then it's like trying, try. I would keep that conversation for your lawyer, aren't? Just, I'm like, make it out, you know? And it's like, okay. And then it's like, no, not in a dorm. Like, fair, fair, fair. Which is completely fair.

It's completely fair. She was completely right. She wanted to fuck you, but you were like, let's go to this communal. Let's go. You want to fuck it on the lower bunk bed while some German is above us? Well, the cool thing is like, I'm faking it money-wise while I'm there. I'm not going to say, let's do something more expensive than you guys are capable.

I will always defer to the poorest one. I'm like, I'll do your experience. I'm not going to be the, you know, I don't want to ruin it for anybody. Totally. And also. And I think with you, it is authentic. I think other people would be trying to be poor, but I just do, you just do want to do whatever. You are honestly down for whatever in a very hilarious way.

And I'll sell myself on the lie. pretty fast. You know, you ever use an excuse as like, it hurt my leg? And then I legitimately walk all the way. You start limping? Yeah. And then someone's like, you get mad like,

dude, that's how you handle fucking handicapped people? And you're like, but I believed it. But they don't know I'm lying. And they're still being very anti-handicapped, the anti-handicap. Or I guess, is handicapped the right one now? Disabled community? I think they're more able.

Oh, wow. In some ways. And that's beautiful. Thank you. Click that like button. Smash that like right now. The closest I've come to, I almost jacked off in the bus once,

Elders, but I just, I couldn't do it. In the bus? Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought about it. I was like, what would it take for me to try to beat off in my bunk? I mean, you got the curtains.

You got the curtains, but it's just, you don't want jizz air in the bus. You don't want jizz air. You know what I mean? Well, how are you doing it? You can't have free flying jizz. No, of course. You're in the bunk.

Because I had thought, I was like, what would I do? Because I, my dick was hard. Someone had sent me a titty pick. Okay. And I'm like, interesting. This is pretty cool. This resulted in a lengthening of my body parts.

And I'm like, and I was, I think maybe, and I wasn't sure of some, now, maybe I was saved by the fact that I thought someone else was in the back. Because if I was fully alone. Alone. How could you not? My dick was hard. I probably would have just jerked my shit. You know what the biggest deterrent was for me on this go around? Last spring, the curtain was much heavier than it was on like this year's run.

You're right. You're right. I think if it's still that same heavyweight, like, even sound muffling curtains. It's like, I'm not going to do it on the first run because I'm a little too cagey. And you want to hear if you hear anybody else do it too. Right, right, right. And we know J.P.'s not beating off. He's probably doesn't even be.

He's too tall. He probably, like, has to go to confession right after he jacks off. He's too good of a Catholic boy to do it. It's so funny when the bus company's telling you, they're like, oh, listen, there's a shower. Oh, we have closet space here. Oh, there's a whole separate area. they don't sell you on the thickness of the curtain. No.

No. And I will say I did like our, the first bus we had did, and the, not only did it have, it was in a thick curtain, it buttoned all the way down. Oh, that's nice. You were completely like, oh, fuck. Eldis's shoddy job of putting up the soundproofing panel. A sound proof panel just fell. Hopefully the Alba can caught it.

If you just started getting way echoing in here, you'll know it's, all this is great help. I guess those stickies didn't hold. Didn't have time to screw them in. This fan fucking put a sound panel with fucking 3M stickies that he got from CBS. Over under on this one falling. I mean, it's crooked already. Yeah, it is crooked. They were both crooked.

Yeah, there's either like the towel and you're like jizz under the towel, but that's air or inside out sock or something where it's completely enclosed. Wow. And there is never any air. I think I probably would have gone shield the jizz with my hand minimum. And then probably. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put the iron dome over my dick. You don't want it on your chin anyway, especially you've got facial hair. That's not coming out as easily as your youth. That's the whole process. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, you shave the beard? I don't want to talk about it. Like getting gum. Jesus, what are you eating? Your jizz is so sticky you had to shave your beard. It's like, yeah, I went to the doctor right after that. Turns out, yeah, I have a massive protein deficiency. Yeah, one time I was cooking up with a chick.

She's like, I'm not fucking in a dorm. And I was like, Okay. And so then I was like, I'll pay for a private. Yeah. And she's like, but you already have a dorm. I was like, hey, secretly, I have over $100 in the bank. Don't tell anybody else that would get weird, but I'm 100 air. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's nice. So interesting. So a lot of people just had no, that's fun too, that when no one had a frame of, most people didn't have a frame of reference for who you were on this trip. Zilch. That's awesome. Here or there, sure, but mostly I'm just some guy. That's awesome.

It was a little out of the age group. Yeah. If I, yeah, what I would do, I would probably, like, get contacts and cut my hair before I did this so that I just look like a different guy. I shave, I shaved everything. Dude, what if I, really? Yeah, ball, bald. Really? Yeah. I was assuming you had the busiest beard No, this is nine months of growth. Oh, did you shave it and then just kept, keep it going? Yeah, I shaved it in the layover in Mexico City to get there. Wow. I went to the bathroom and fucking ruined a bathroom. What a piece of shit. What a piece of shit. The fucking janet. Like, imagine. Imagine the,

All the messes you think you're going to find an airport bathroom? Oh, guy's shaping his full beard and hair. You'll find jizz. You'll find shit, blood. I have a metal. Needles. And it's like, I'm a little. I'm going, well, I thought I had seen it all.

I thought today was going to be another diarrhea day. That's fucking hilarious, dude. That would piss me off so fucking much, dude. Because it's like, honestly, I would rather wipe up a little shit than fucking have to deal with all your mom. And they're like, how much of these are pubs your things? Even though you kind of look like pews. Damn, that's fucking hilarious. That's awesome, dude.

What about the best, what's the best, you know, we're a gourmand podcast. What's the best bite you had on your show? Bro, okay. Yeah. Okay. The concession game in movie theaters in Mexico is you can't say USA number one anymore. Wow. You can't say that for a lot of reasons anymore.

China's just beating us overall. Mexico's got us in movie snacks. Okay, first of all, you split the popcorn. on the middle whenever you want, just like a Garrett's popcorn, you know. So you can get two different flavors. What are the flavors? Obviously, there's butter. Obviously, there's plain with salt.

Obviously, there's kettle corn. There's also Doritos, Cheetos. Doritos and Cheetos popcorn. Oh, my God. This is incredible. Doritos flavored popcorn with crumbled up Dorito pieces in it. Fuck. Same with Cheetos.

How are they beating us at snacks? That's the one thing America should have. Dude, they care. That's what pissed me off about Ireland. Their spice bag? How did they come up with a better? A spice? You know, spice bag?

It's like a chicken tender. It's a Chinese chicken. It's like chicken tender spice in an incredible sesuan way with fries. And it's like, and like onions and shit. How the fuck did the Irish beat us at a fried chicken and fries? That's crazy. Chinese fusion. It literally hurt my pay.

Any patriotism I had for America was really dinged when I found out the Irish did a better. If it was like the plain potato area. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. You got to beat on that. I guess that's true. I guess I didn't think of it as potato first. You know what I mean?

Like I guess I didn't think of it as like, okay, the Irish have a lot on doing. They're adding, yeah. They started with what they know. And then they found Chinese people. Dude, I was with a group who were high. We're watching that movie, uh, weapons. Mm-hmm. In Mexico.

Yeah. It was called The Hour of Disappearance down there. Oh, that's a much better title. That's a cool. Yeah, that's a cool. It sounds like a more prestigious movie. The Hour of Disappearance. I like weapons for what it is.

But that's cool. That is cool. I don't know why they changed that. Weapons, they have a word for it in Spanish. Oh, yeah, what is it? I don't know, but. So they haven't come across. When I was in Israel and the Groundhog Day came out,

oh, wow. They did not have Groundhog Day. So that wouldn't be anything. They called it, I'll see you again tomorrow. Wow. That's fucking crazy. But weapons, you could do that. Anyway.

When was this, were you at birthright? What did you do? No, I used to live there when I was... Oh, right, right, right, right. Damn, dude. You've had a hilarious life. Yeah. I forgot about that.

You were studying there? What was it? That's right. Did we talk about us on a photo on another one? So then they go, do you want squizzles of that? And we're all like, we're like, skittles? And the guys are like, no, squizzles. And then somebody in the group's like, what squizzles?

I'm like, bro, we're getting it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'll find out when we eat it. Obviously, we're going to get squizzles. Yeah, yeah. It's gummies that you put hot sauce on. Whoa. Bro.

That was the first time. I was like, I think you're going to enjoy new moments here. Yeah. So we're talking popcorn Doritos. We're talking squinters. Squizzles. We're talking. Did they have any, like, traditional Mexican food?

Like, the way you can get a hot dog here, could you get a good taco there? Baseball games? Fuck a hot dog. It's full plates of, like, of, like, playuras and moleys and fucking burritos. Fuck, yes. Those 12-year-old girls serving beer. Awesome.

It was just so, it was so fun. And they full place just growing up, like, who wants, you know, with, like, the three sections. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They have those. Fuck, yeah, dude. That's fucking awesome. The Doritos Locos will crack it up in front of you, pour all the shit in and just give it to you in the bag. Awesome. Jesus

Christ. Yeah, it was... So the movie theaters in Mexico were out of control, what was your best, like, restaurant meal experience? Or give me best street food and then also the best restaurant. So from there, so that's the best probably in North America is Mexico. Food-wise. Okay. They care. Everything is like elevated. Mexico City, shore, but all over Mexico. Okay.

And each region, they really celebrate their own shit. So, like, Guajaka's Mollay. I don't really love it that much. I'm not really a Moli guy either. I tried every... Yeah. I went to the stores, tried every type. I'll try it when I'm there. Just because I, you know, you know, I like to take. I take food very seriously.

I know. I know. So we went to this, this like, whatever, these cliffs with like a canyon. And we went, we went, what's it called? On his boat through these canyons. And you see all this crazy shit. It's a wild stuff near Palenke. And as soon as you start, they go, well, let's.

So is it seafood if it's like? No, this is like a two and a half hour ride back. and they pick you up. Oh, okay, sick, sick. But as soon as you start, they go, well, let's go by the bar boat first. But this is like a U.S. national park, but there. And they're like, who wants Michelados?

And we're like, yeah. That's awesome. For the boat? Awesome. We would never have that. You can't even bring booze with you, let alone. Some parks will have, like, little, like, concession areas. But, yes, not in the same way.

Like, even in Amsterdam, you go in, like, they're little, like, you know, go and Vomble Park or whatever, which is a big urban parks on them or whatever. But it is not. I guess that's kind of more like Central Park than what you're talking about. But I do, I love when a park has a little, because you go on a little hike and then you fucking. And like, take two, it's three, two hours.

They're here to the beer. Yeah. You should have beers for this. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, a Michelot on a fucking boat. Or the crackers. So that's not official, but we have those guys that are like serving a purpose.

You're sitting at Central Park. Somebody comes with a cracker and like, yeah, whatever. Wait, wait, what's this? It's those little things that with vodka in it or margaritas. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a crack. Totally illegal. In the bottle.

They're doing a service. They're not bugging them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? There is nothing better than beautiful scenery and a, and like a little, like my cousin for her wedding had, she had like, it was in Greece and she rented a boat. Yeah. And it was like, you're all, you know, you're taking this boat through Greek, you know,

through this, through an island. And they're taking you to a, they're taking you to a beach you cannot walk to. Wow. You have to take boat access to. Damn nice. And you're seeing beautiful shit. You're, you know, you're jumping off into, you're swimming, and they break and they fucking grill.

And they have, you know, they fucking make a pork chop lunch and shit right there. With fresh salad and shit. And then the boat stops. You swim to the island. And they stop right where the sun sets. And you're sitting there with a fucking beer. And you're just, it's the best shit of all time, dude. Like, I love to combine the nature's,

splendor with just a little, just whatever makes you happy. Yeah. Whatever thing you consume that makes you happy. Get one J with you. A nice spliff where you're only a little high. Yeah. And you're fucking drinking a couple beers. Splifts are king down there.

Splifts are king where it just gets you a little high if you get to smoke something. Totally, totally. Dirt weed anyway. Of course. So it's not going to bury you like here. Of course. 32% THC. Dude,

give me a nice 11. I got some nice brain. I've become very addicted to weed again after breaking my arm and fucking my backup. Yeah. And I've been using weed like paint and so I don't do paint bills. Way better.

And I, it's kind of embarrassing, dude. I'm literally the guy who goes to the dispensary and had, I had like a 20 minute conversation about weed with the woman who owns the dispensure. I love the dispensure. I love the dispensure is incredible. Mighty lucky. I'll just shout them out.

They're great. And I will literally just go and be like, no, is this? I was like, is this grown outside? Like, I'm asking questions like that. It's fucked up. They have, dude, this dispensary is so sick. They have a micro.

where they show you the weed under a microscope and you see all the crystals and shit and you they'll let you smell it and i've become that guy it's it's incredible if you're looking for like and they have some great light weeds too if you just want that kind of stuff i'm a big fan yeah that's when i start smoking weed at la i was like hey i used to smoke a cigarette while i wrote right and i'm like i want to i don't want to smoke cigarettes anymore but if i smoke a joint i'm done well there's she goes mexican weed we have you that's five dollars an eighth oh and you're like okay Okay, great. Oh, that's a dream.

This will barely get your buzz. That's the dream. And I'm like, that's what I'm looking for. Well, now I have to, what I have to do now is I need to go, uh, I need to get my tolerance back down. So I've actually started back. I've stopped doing edibles. Oh yeah.

And I want, and I'm just trying to completely wean myself off so I can restart my relationship with weed in a much more healthy way. We're like now like, dude, when I fuck. You don't know how long it's going to last. But like, like, dude, when this, when I first. broke this, I was taking 200 milligrams a night just to fucking pass out. 200 a night? I got to the point where it was like, that was, I did that twice.

It was like, I started it like 80. Then I was like, hmm, I need a little more. Wow. I need a little more. And every, every day I was taking 10 milligrams more. Half your listeners are like five is enough for me. Dude, I know. That used to be me too.

Yeah. What happened was on tour. I got so, because I had been off week, I've been sober until we started the tour. I know. And then there's no way to be, like, there's no way to sleep on tour, like on a bus, sober, where you're like, I just performed for 2000 people. Bobby, he tried it. He fell out of his bunk. Yeah, exactly. Did he also, wait, did he break his arm?

Didn't he do something? Bobby's so fat, I think it protected him all over. He's fat in a different way. Yeah, he is. He's more evenly. He's not even that fat. He's just a slight man. He's a munchy-chee.

He's just a little guy. Yeah. That's the thing. It's like, I think, I think, I don't. I don't understand why Bobby's identity should not have been fat guy. He should have bounced. But yeah, and so I started again, and I got too overzealous with it. And one night, I took those, you know, the tinctures.

There's no way to accurately measure that. And I, dude, I literally like, like, did like fucking, uh, uh, uh, and then I looked at it and it was like, you know, each one of those was seven milligrams, right? And I did like fucking, uh, you know, off the. rip. I did like seven of them. Yeah. And I had already taken a different edible and we were smoking weed. And so I just woke, I was high the whole day. I was high for like 36 hours. I love those. It was awesome. But after that, my, my tolerance was like, you have to do 50 just to get it going. So there's people that carry around torches and you're like, dude, you've lost it. If you got to carry around

these rigs with a welding mask to be able to smoke weed and it's like, this isn't working for you. I know that that's, I was like, I can't start doing dabs. That's actually what I need. I need to do the crack version of weird. Those people all think they're normal. Just bring it out. You're like, bro, bro, no. Yeah, it's like talking to a porn star.

She's just casually talking about squirting or Madame McDonald's. Like, buddy, I get it. It's fine, but not here. I like this. Yeah, exactly. It's like, let's chill. There's children around. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know. What's a furthest that she squirted? You're like, dude, I get it. Let's talk and pride about this. This is an Adam 22's podcast. Don't talk about that, man. We're in fucking public. But, you know, no disrespect.

We're very pro-ho here. And we would love to have those conversations in private gals, but, you know. Yeah, dude. Peru probably had the best in South America food. It was the most varied. So they're savici, Ecuadorian savich. They're a little different, but Peruvian suvici is great. Oh, Peruvian chicken.

Do you get like the rhodo? Is that a rote? real thing there? Is that an American like? Yep. And they also have Guinea pig, which is the best. No. It's the best. Guinea pig is good? It's so good. Cooy. Cooy, bro. It's a delicacy. People like, I mean, you can't have it. For graduation, you have it. But nothing like, you know Ryan or Neil? Yes. Comics. So he came, he was like, I want to go to Machu Piccho. I was like, I'll let you know what I'm close. So he came and we did it. And I was like, you want to try

a guinea pig? I'm telling, I have a sandwich that I've been trying to get people to eat that They won't. It's on a bagel, everything or other, not cinnamon raisin, peanut and then hard salami. People like, it's gross. I won't try it. I'm like, it's fine. I love it. What are two people in my 15 years of the comedy store tried it? And they're like, oh, this is awesome. I'll try it. So if you're willing to try something, and he was. Yeah, I also think that, that actually makes sense to me because we're talking about the richness of the peanut butter, the sweetness of the jelly, and like a sauce. Like salt and sweet is a classic thing, and the peanut butter kind of cuts both of them.

Right. So I could see that really working, actually, depending on which type of salami you get. Yeah, yeah. It's the hard, it's the send your salami to your son in the army. Right, right, right, right. But like, let it get a little harder. You're really using that as salt more than anything. It doesn't really taste like meat at that point.

It's really the salt content, I would, and the fattiness of it, too, I guess. And if you have a, if you have a thick enough... I'm going to make you one. You have a thick enough bread, that would look be really good. You know what that would be good on? Ooh, interesting with the onion taste right there in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that would add a little, the softness of it,

and then a little onion just to kind of kick that up and see, just in the middle, that's the beauty of the Biali. It's not everywhere. You just get one bite of the onion, and that's a little weirdness to it, an already interesting sandwich. Biali is the only type of bagel you eat with intention. Regular bagels eat whatever order.

Biali is like, how much in the middle should I save? Should it go right to it? Should it be every bite a little onion? I love a Bial. Is that, was that the proto bagel? What happened with the Biali? I don't know. What happened to do a full,

we need, you know, we need, we need like a baker on here. We need to do a culinary episode every month, Elders. I want a real, I want a shit. I want,

yeah, I want, when did kale stop being a, a plate for fucking food at the, at the Pizza Hut? 2004, 2004,

you know, was just in between the plates. Yes, yes, I know, it's crazy. And I'm going to say 2004, 2005 is when it started.

And by 2009, it was all, 2010, it was all over the place. You think, I think it's like big kale going like, we got to make a push. Absolutely. It was some guy was like, what if we, that's, I mean, it's all marketing.

It's like Stanley Cups were nothing and then some guy marketed them that way. Become the other than they're the best ones. So it's like, and I think somebody understood how to, doesn't Andy Haynes have a great about this, about Cale's agent? Like Cale got a great agent. Yeah. I think so. See if you can find that bit.

Maybe we'll put it on here for some free promo for Andy Haynes. Take it up the middle. I'm saying, I'm seeing the transformation beginning. began when a marketing agency named Padilla, CRT, was hired by American Produce Board. Oh, the produce board hired a marketing game. They hired Don Draper, basically. To rebrand kale as a nutrient dense superfood. What if we told gay guys this would make them hot if they ate it?

Hateless celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow, Beyonce, and Michelle Obama. Oh, oh, Swar. When is he's exactly who you want for that? Yeah. This is like, yeah, what's their version of making Snoop wear a Alz and Julien color shirt on S&O. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just put it on,

just wear it for the good eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, interesting. All right, so Peru had the best stuff. Yeah, so did they have Peruvian chicken there, or is that an American? No, they did. Okay, good.

Yeah, and they had also cow hearts, Antichuccio, grilled cow hearts. Heart is good. Heart and tongue, heart tongue and fucking, what is, head is good, like, is good. That shit's good. Cabezza.

Cabezza. I need a little cabesa. Yeah, they had the most different kind of stuff. In both ways, by the way. And the fresh fruit. GMOs are illegal in Peru. Love that. They're like, why everything grows here.

Yeah. What are we doing that for? We're good. Yeah. Yeah, the vegetables must have tasted so much better. Oh, the fruits. The fruits are like, you eat a fruit that, I mean, I wonder if it's like this in Greece. Mm-hmm.

Some of it's kind of barren. No, no, the fruits are. And you taste it. You're like, oh, this is like the candy version of the fruit. It's incredible. When they have a Jolly Rancher flavor of something and you're like... A fig in grease is like so sweet and awesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So good, dude. so fucking incredible. Some grapes, some fucking cherries and shit. Dude, you should go to the island. Well, in Centaldermen when you told me where to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually don't want to say these things out there. We don't have to say that.

We can gate keep it a little longer. Yeah. In fact, let's gate keep it until we, like, because we've also thought, this is also my disease of trying to make everything work. Yeah. But like, I want to go on like my own vacation vacation, but then how nice would be to fucking fly everybody out?

And like, we do a little travel doc. We do a couple podcast episodes. And then the whole team gets basically a vacation. We work for a week. And let me tell you something you might want to know. That whole thing is tax deductible. Exactly. Thank you.

I like how you're doing. You have to make it smaller to be anti-semitic. You squeezed it. In case you think of Italian. You squeezed it down. Still out pretty far. Still pretty far, bro. It's pretty far.

Pretty far. I love that. Yeah. My tax attorney, Ari Shafir. I love the travel. Hopefully, I doubt it, but hopefully I'll just has some travel questions queued up. no way on earth.

Dude, but I do, when I do my travel podcast, you'll bleep out names of places. Smart. I don't want to have any part in making a line around the block of American tourists.

Right, right, right. That is the catch 22 because it's like, especially like some food bloggers. They'll, sometimes it's great to give restaurants like some pub, but it's like, yeah.

And it's also they're doing fine. Yeah, yeah. They're not about to go out of business. That's a different story. Right, right, right. They're doing fine. It's so weird when everyone, no, has any business ever been saved

when they're like, we're going out of business, we need help. It never happens. It's just what happens is people just eat there a lot for two months, and then it goes out of business. It's what happened to the dog cafe near my place. We all really, it was like, it was a gem in the neighborhood in the East Village. And we're like, that sucks. And you could go there before I had a dog.

I would go there, drink some coffee and play with dogs, fill my heart. Yeah, yeah. And when they were going to business, I was like saddened by it. And I really tried to help back in business for three months, and then they sold. Yeah. And they're like, well, we actually can't. We need someone else to operate this. Yeah, it's just untenable sometimes.

but why don't we take all the wisdom already received from the South American continent and poured into our listeners. Answer some fuck questions. Absolutely. But you would have loved this trip. You would have loved being on it if you could get away from like you're you're skyrocketing so it's tough. I'm where I am.

So like it's easier for me. We're going to level off. Don't worry. Very soon. Once you level off though, then it's like now's the time. Totally. No, I know. It's fun.

Dude, it's this funny thing where I'm like, everything I get, I'm the most surprised people. I'm the most surprised person every time I get. I'm like, what? It's got to this weird place where it's like you sound like a lunatic because I'm just like, I'm actively rooting against my own career. I'm like, please. This Appetkao movie, I was like, I blew the audition.

I'm not going to get it. I was like, oh, it was cool to, you know, I got to the, you know, I actually auditioned with the guys. That was cool. I met them, no big deal. Maybe something in the future. And then when I got it, I was. happy and then I was like, fuck, what I wanted was to do a really good job at the audition and not

get it. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. So they don't hate you, but they don't hate me. They just got, they just really wanted some other fat guy. You know what I mean? Yeah. I was like, come on. I'm like, trying to be like, guys, don't you want someone with a Southern accent to play this part. And then it's like, oh, don't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, literally, I did, I did have a fucking, uh, you know what? That's perfect. Let's, uh, let's take a, let's take a call, eldest. The eldest, esteemed guest. I'm trying this again.

I let that some important info. But on it, Don, I've been seeing this girl for the past month with the biggest, heaviest off-this natural fits. I've never personally witnessed my life. Yeah. Give them a track, thank you. All set on a very tiny wish. So I am head over heels physically for this woman, as well as physically. She is very nice.

Pause this. Also, I guess I should mention she's cool. He, one of the most impassioned descriptions of her and the little waist is the part of my, I'm like, all right, man, she has huge. We don't have to know she has a little. He's like, by the way, fat tits. That's him being like, she ain't fat, by the way, boys.

I know what you're thinking. Fatty boom-badi. And by the way, nothing wrong with that. A nice big pair of fat tities. Good honkers. Anyway, I love that, as well as emotional, And then the first thing he says is she's very nice. But let's fit it.

Let's at least give him a chance to eloquently describe what he likes about her. Anyways, so I am head over heels physically for this woman, as well as emotionally. She is very nice, treats me very, very well. Or so I thought. Pause. Nice and treats me well, nothing about her personality. Not like she's an artist. I'm really interesting.

in that. Not she's an inquisitive person. He's just like, yeah, she has manners and she's not rude to me, and her tits are fucking bigger than my head. So I love her. So I love her. Anyway, let's... Whenever you have somebody, they're like, he treats me well, and it's like, who've you dated? Yeah, that's a thing. That's the baseline.

Of course they all should. Everyone should treat you well and be nice to you. That's like getting into college. You can still fail. It's like, anyway, go ahead. Go ahead, Elders. So, like I said, I've been seeing her for a month. And just the other day, she shows up at the gym I work at with her husband and two kids. Oh! Fuck yeah.

Both of our surprise. We locked eyes. I didn't say anything. I did not review anything. Wow. Good. But we both knew we saw each other. the husband

is probably like 6'5 kind of at 260 Can you pass for a second? This guy is a great storyteller He's revealing things as it went He doesn't fuck it up And like hey my girlfriend was a married man Totally

It was like you let it's an nice call Unwrapped slowly He lets us make fun of him for certain things Now we're back on his side It's just you wait We're back on his side I know he's been abused of just pure muscle and rage from what it seems.

I am, don't get me wrong, I'm mildly fit myself. But I'm a little Filipino guy. I'm 5'5. Fuck, yes. A little funny fella. That's awesome to call yourself a little tiny fella. He's got a pretty deep voice. Yeah, he's Filipino.

5-5 Filipino. He does not sound like one. not sound like Filipino at all. Which probably would happen is like how many kids did we know growing up that were little as fuck and that had to like, he was like, you ever meet those kids that fake the deep voice until it's stuck? Like I swear to God, I knew kids growing up that just like, hey man, how's it going. It was kind of like how trans people change their voices.

Like those guys, there are guys who are like femininely voiced that voice trained to sound more masculine. I know guys who have such deep voices that are unnatural and they just stuck. I bet you that's what this guy did anyway. It must suck growing up. up that height to where I was like I have to overcome this all the time to show people I'm not to be fucked with yeah yeah like Greg Fitzsimmons is tiny he's like yeah every nine months or so I punch somebody who says the wrong thing.

Dude I was I'm blessed. One of my biggest blessings has been like ignorance. I swear I thought I was like tall my whole life like until I was like in my mid 20s I was like I'm fucking tall and I didn't and I thought like I didn't know I was poor until like I got to college like it I'm so happy that stuff that, like, has created, like, it's insane what, like, what people latches on into people's heads because I had no, I mean, fat was such a big deal. Like, it was more eating stuff for me. I was self-conscious about being fat. Never considered being short, didn't care fucking at all.

And I didn't know I was poor. But anyway, let's finish this guy's story. This is a riveting story. I feel as if I should tell this guy. No. No. Fuck. Why?

It's cheating. him and has been for a month. How many times do you fuck? But at the same time, I feel as if he's not going to see that from my point of view. He might just kill me. Also, why would you do that? I'm not a bit of an impasse, I feel.

He's going to turn your ass into banana ketchup, my boy. You're going to be fucking lumpia when this motherfucker's done with you. Listen, he's only got any sort of allegiance. of the chick. Of course. He just found that a dude existed. So there's no like, listen, if you're born in somebody,

you find out she's dating a friend of yours, you're in a quandary. Like, oh, shit, or even a casual, like an acquaintance. You know, it's like, wait, you're Phil Hanley's girlfriend. You know, I made something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be brutal.

Yeah, absolutely. But fuck. First of all, in no world, do the girls that Phil dates fuck either one of us. Phil fuck's good. Phil fuck's good. Former literal runway model

and one of the funniest sharpest guys in the world, Phil Hanley, gets much better pussy than we ever. I even feel bad saying pussy because the women Phil's days are so refined and beautiful that it's like we could never even get close.

I'll see him at the park sometimes and I'm like, hey Phil, watch out that girl's trying to get house there. He goes, no, that's my fucking lady. I couldn't even assume they would look at us. Oh, sorry, I thought Vogue was doing a photo shoot in the park. We were on the runway. Anyway, anyway, hilarious. Why don't we, I don't know, let's think of a more apt...

someone who you would a bit know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's possible that we could fuck? Brendan Sagal. Brendan Sagilla. Brendan Sagilla. That you're like, I would feel really bad if I accidentally,

no disrespect to Brendan. I'm friends of Brendan. So that would be like, I would be like, I would feel really bad. You don't know this guy at all. So the girl is, this girl you like, you find out as a husband has been cheating on him. And then you're like, that's just between you and her.

Yeah. And you're like, well, you want to keep doing this? or I'm not comfortable with it, but it's on you. I'm not... Totally. What's happened? Is there any more...

It's a sanctity of marriage? Hold on. Let's finish it because I do it. I agree with you, but yeah. If you guys could just give me some advice, I'd really appreciate it.

She is not giving me any explanation. She's just kind of ghosted me. But I feel very bad for this guy. Relax. I feel like I need to let him know. You don't. That's girl shit. Morley, I feel like I need to let him know.

but also I'm terrified. Yeah. I think he could murder me. Yes. With one hand. He is a foot taller than you. And he's jacked. I'm not sure.

So, thanks. Thank you. This is morals. What the fuck are you talking about? You're having premarital sex. What are you just morals now about marriage? That's a good point.

I mean, I guess the people, I mean, I get it, right? I get how some people have a hard stance on cheating. This is probably a person that never would have. Look, this is a person who never would have, some people just have different opinions on infidelity, whatever, it's fine.

You talk, you know, it is funny to talk to your gay friends to them, like, cheating isn't even a concept that exists, really. You know what I mean? Like, a big city, big city gay guys are like, sex is like not even the most important thing. Like, it is a very... My buddy, they asked him, Justin Martindale, he was dating this, this attractive guy, but he's, he was especially back then, hot, we ho, hot. And his boyfriend was like, can you just, like he was trying to get him not she. It wasn't going to, can you just not give me AIDS? And then Justin was, I mean, I'm not trying to get AIDS, but I can't make you that promise.

That's awesome. Shout out to PrEP. It's made that a non-issue. Different game now. Anyway, so look, you're a person who is, look, we joke, obviously, we're not very, we're not very, the people in this podcast right now are not religious. One of us escaped a hilarious cult. The other one just kind of like was never that religious.

Yeah, it was never that, you know, was never that, um, I was talking about you. I was talking about you escaping a cult. I know, and you made a movie. Oh, and I, yeah, yeah, yeah, my story is based on Ari. Let's start a cult is about Ari leaving Orthodox Judaism. Where were you in synagogue?

I had diarrhea. I was out there. Actually, listen to you guys praying for a while. I was fucking it up. So we're not very religious people here. And me and Ari in general, probably are more on the scumbag side of things. But I understand if you're a person who this feels like a real moral red line for, but you did not know.

You also, you could argue that you also have been like... A victim. Yeah, in a weird way, sort of a victim of the situation where you went against your moral. Now look, maybe the guilt of this guy's feeling is that if this girl with this type of these type of tits was like, hey, I want to fuck you so bad, but I'm married. Maybe in the back of his head, he thinks he would have anyway. And this is his weird way to, like, absolve himself. Like, I didn't know.

And now, and I've done everything right, right? Yeah. I think it's just, and look, maybe it would be a little different if her fucking husband was, you know, Stephen Hawking. You know what I mean? Like, if you felt really bad for him. Or like, or either you felt bad for him or you weren't afraid he would kill you. Yeah, right. Because even a little guy might have a gun.

But I would say, even if it's Stephen Hawking, you know, like, Don't tell him. That's not your place. I think this lady's a cheater. I think this woman is a cheater. And you ain't the first one. She took advantage of you as well. It sounds like.

You sound like the kind of person who wouldn't have done this. Tell her to fuck off. And just she ghosted you. You ghosted her. You couldn't even tell her off. You forget. It's over.

You just forget this happening. You know, a month, no disrespect to you. If the, how many times when he says you they were dating for a month, what does that even mean? What does that mean?

Do hang out twice? Yeah, twice. Go out once and have sex once. Then one more time sex. kids, there's no way it's more than once a week, right? She's, she has a whole family, you're probably not fucking, you're not, it's not one of those months relationships where you see each other every other day where you both have nothing to do and whatever.

Treated me nice. Yeah, and you also couldn't, you didn't tell us one thing about her, really, except for a huge tits. Which, which starts to downplay the tits. No, no, listen, why get it? Sometimes you're in a tits fog, and it takes years for it to lift. Sometimes it never really, some of the best relationships, I think, are when people are so attracted to their partner for certain things, that it just kind of,

it just kind of puts them in soft focus. It's like the way, it's like the way they used to shoot Barbara Walters where they didn't want to see her face. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, you see the best for, you want to, like, if, I do think attraction and sexual chemistry.

That's real. There's real things that I think do help a relationship. But in this situation, you're fine. This sucks. And you shouldn't put yourself in further danger, especially when you're like, That's so much the situation you don't understand.

You don't know anything about it. Do they have a weird open thing? Yeah, what if he's been like abusing or mentally or whatever? So you don't know? It's just like if this is her way is to, I don't know, maybe she's having a midlife crisis and she'll get back to it and then be fine. It also is really funny that her husband is 6, 5 and Jack. He's a 5, 5 little Filipino guy.

Take that as a win for your community. For our community. I bet your dick is small, no disrespect. Yeah, what if she's like, I want to not hurt for once? I want to ask, is it in yet? Not know. My huge husband's cock. It draws me nothing but pain.

I want a little, I want to shop in the petite section. I liked it when I saw it, but every day. Yeah, it's more of a, it's more visual than actual, you know, than use. So anyway, dude, I say don't do it. I think it's more trouble that it's worth. It'd be one thing, like you said, if you knew the person or whatever, but, you know. Now, here's a question for the guy, for us about the guy. When this lady unguests him in maybe two more weeks said, hey, is he going to allow her to talk him in to do a day?

You can't. You got to stay completely out. You got to watch. Because if you, if you re-engage now, now you're a participant in a thing you don't want to be. And listen again, it's Philip Morris before the research and after the research. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They didn't do anything wrong before. Right, right, right, right, right. They thought it'd open up your Q zone. Right, right, right, right, right. Philip Moore, lucky strikes, opens up your chakras. What if they just got spiritual? And now it's like, oh, also shit, a lot of cancer. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, don't worry about that. Um, anyway, good luck. Good luck. My little friend. Good luck.

Enjoy those fat tits. Maybe I try to get a tip pick, one last tip pick. No, it's over. It's over. You got to keep it moving. Save the tip picks. It's over. Don't save them.

That's weird. Don't even save them. You got to delete the titpicks. Yeah, I guess you got a clean wash. You can't keep news of someone you don't date anymore unless they're cool with it. Unless they're cool with it. Because it's just weird, man. It's like people jacking off to a relationship from like 10 years ago.

First of all, it's pathetic. And you're not even that guy anymore. You're not that guy. She's not that girl. And also she would be, like, it's a light form of fucking sexual assault, if we're being honest. Like, it really is. If someone had a picture of me with my balls, not at my knees, I'd be like, you can't have those anymore. Those don't exist anymore.

If I can't see them, you can't see. Oh, man, I bet that sack is drooping like crazy. Seven months pounding up and down. It's lengthening. Oh, what the fuck? Holy shit. Oh, shit. What the hell?

Oh my God, it's time to keep it twisted. That's right, keep it twisted. There it is, baby. Oh, fuck yeah, Ari. I was just doing it a set dressing. How delicious is that? It's actually really good. It's fucking all.

There you actually. I haven't drank. I don't know if we're allowed to do this, but that's so fucking good. Oh, it's hard. Oh, my God, dude. Twisted tea is fucking awesome. I'll, it's time of the motherfucking twisted ass. It's the first drink I've had with you in fucking five years.

That's crazy. That's crazy. All thanks to good folks at TwistedTee. See what Twisted Tea does. It brings friends together. That's right. Ah, wow. The Twisted Zone?

So close to the 4th of July. When I want to jump in the pool and slurp down these delicious 5% by volume, brewed with real ice. tea delights? Wow. This makes me want to eat a hot dog as the 4th of July is coming here. I can't wait to drink these on the 4th of July. These will go down smooth on the 4th of July, like they always do, but they'll be extra smooth on the 4th of July. I can't wait to wash down a couple glissorinos with the twisted tea party pack. Yeah, I'm going to be drinking the rocket pop, which is only available in the party pack,

And I'm going to be doing it on the 4th of July. 5% per volume just right. Mm, twisted tea is good and also brewed with real ice tea. Keep it twisted. What's the fucked up question of the motherfucking ass week, Elders? Dude, when you get to Brazil, they have alcoholic versions of this. Hell yeah. And that's, everybody knows that's natural twisted tea.

Put it, put it when he's doing that, make him hold up a can. Yeah. Actually, just put, digitally put a can of twisted tea over that. What do we got, Eldie? Here, put that on the block of you. Hello, Javi and esteemed guest. Steamed. And a bit of a pickle here.

I love pickles. It's a family situation. So basically, my grandma is under the impression that Keanu Reeves is reaching out to her via Facebook and they have a romantic relationship. No. And for a long time, my family and I thought this, you know, this would pass. It's just a funny joke. We've explained to her, you know, it's not real.

It's somebody looking to. She had AI psychosis. I bought money from you. And, you know, she's just fully convinced that it's the real Keanu Reeves. Well, recently she went out with my aunt. And they had lunch. They started kissing. Please tell me, Kenner, to shut up.

No. Please. Please. And they had lunch. And my grandma confessed that she's considering leaving my grandpa and leaving their marriage of 50 plus years for this Keanu Reeves impersonated. Oh my God. And it kind of blew up the family and we are working on an intervention.

Some fucking guy in India is killing this family. Of all the people to pick to catfish. A Nigerian guy is like, yeah, I'm destroying a family in Ohio right now. Wow. Keep going to go to this? We are working on an intervention where we basically take my grandma's phone without her knowing and wiping her phone and her phone. and her Facebook account

so that she doesn't have access to this person anymore. So I think the real moral dilemma here is do we tell my grandpa that this is going down? Because he's under the impression that they are at the best place in their marriage

that they've ever been. What a sap. Pause this. Your grandfather hasn't figured out that his wife is in an emotional affair with an AI chat bot. He's not, by the,

way, his hands aren't clean here either. Yeah. You're not a good husband if your wife can fall for this. Like, if she was having a good time with him, like, that's the thing. If counterfe came to someone who's in a great relationship, they'd be like, oh my God, I'm flatter, but 100% no, I'm committed to my 50-year marriage. And then look, I bet, I bet they didn't have a great list.

Who knows? How old? She's 70. Yeah, she's 70. 70 plus. Minimum. Should be going to get broken open by the fucking matrix. If you're a fucking seven-year-old. old lady. Kianu's like, what, 50? He's so hot still.

I mean, go for it. He's probably, how old is Kianu? Go for that. How old is Kianna Rives old is? I'm gonna say, 61? Yeah, he's 61.

Wow, nailed it. 61 and 70 is not bad. Honestly, if you're 75-year-old woman, Keanu Reeves might be the guy, honestly, I would, Antonio Bander's. Antonio Bander's number one.

Kianu Reeves number two, I think. I mean, it's kind of like age appropriate. Totally. It kind of is. Yeah. It's not the fucking dune guy. And this is

this is another, this is a clear example of the difference between men and women where it's like to catfish old women, you need a hot 62 year old guy. To catfish old men, you need like a fucking, a clearly AI 19 year old Japanese made with double G pitch.

Size triple Q's and a waste of 21? Whoa. Actually loves me? What did you just found out a post I made six years ago? Everybody everybody gather around. I'll be leaving your grandmother from Michiko. I'll be moving. I'll be moving over to the Orient. Dude, we knew a guy who fell for, his brother fell for the Nigerian scam. Oh, no. And he, before we figured out what happened, he was getting to be a real dick to everybody.

Because he thought he was about to be rich. Yeah, he goes, you guys are all going to come fucking to me. I'm the fucking man in this household. And you guys are all just a jerk. And then when he found out what it was, it was like, dude, not only did you not have the money. You were such a cunt about it. fucking funny. It was so great. They were all laughing so hard. That must have felt so good to shit on him afterwards. Okay, so let's finish this. The opposite. We got Eddie Bravo once.

We got him in a fake scratcher for $10,000. Oh, I love those. That's such a fucking rude, mean. Yeah, and we all, I didn't lie. I didn't win. And he was like, oh, I'm too. And that's the guy who thinks, like, 9-11 was caused by aliens or something.

Like, he's like a conspiracy theory. He's a fun, like, like, the, those long clasels, chem trails, all that shit. He's like a really old school before, Q-a-on-old. Old school. Everything's up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he won... Just an insane person to be clear. As soon as he... And outside the box thinker for a jihitsu instruction. And as soon as you want, he goes, oh my God, you're getting a grant, you're getting a grant, you're getting it.

And we're like, oh, this is the best guy. He's not being a dick at all. He's the nicest guy. He's like, oh, me and my friends are going to have an awesome party. This is going to be a really bad reveal. This is going to be a really bad reveal. Oh, Eddie Braver rules so hard.

He's such a nice guy. That's awesome, dude. I mean, look. An insane, nice person is one of the best friends you could have. He let me train for free for fucking years when I was broke. That's so cool. That's so fucking cool. Yeah, I miss the days where MMA conspiracy theorists just like, we're your fun friend.

You know what I mean? All right, hit us. Let's get the... For your fun friend. Yeah. The birds aren't real. Those are my favorites. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, let's go with it. That's awesome. And those are conversations that should be happening with your friends at a bar. And it's like, unfortunately, due to... podcasting. We're all, it's kind of our fault that those guys now have the most power in the world somehow. Like truly, that

is kind of what's happened. But anyway, it's finished this. We're just dumb fucks. This should be bar talk. Yeah, it should be an awesome fun and even like, even like, yeah, anyway. We had a friend Jason Lucas when we started a door guy with us at the store. He would throw out the dumbest shit and if we're all going, what are you talking about?

Well, this is how I find it. It's not true. Yeah. And it was such a good vet. I rely on you guys. Yeah. I rely on. you guys. He's not on the record for anything. Clearly your reaction shows that I'm not right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's move on.

Yeah, yeah. That's awesome. All right, what else does you have? Let's finish her up. At the best place in their marriage that they've ever been. Oh, hilarious. So do we, do we ruin that by letting him know, or do we just try to handle the situation, delete her Facebook?

And so she doesn't have the opportunity to destroy their marriage. Okay. Let me know. Okay. Thank you, bye. You're welcome. because she is senile or falling for stuff

that she can fall for this again, maybe not romantically. Well, I would... You do have to worry about it. You do. You definitely do. And I also think like, if this guy has this,

first of all, has we been monitoring her accounts? Like, this guy, there is a reason he's doing this, right? She didn't say outright that he's like, you know, getting money from her, but...

Is he getting nudes? Probably. That would be, twist. I don't think so. I think that makes a lot of sense. I hope not. I hope she's elite. I hope if her grandma's getting anything, she's playing with that dusty old clip for one more time. It doesn't sound like her

and her grandfather have been fucking. Like this guy, again... I bet you never heard him slapped together. It's, listen, this is, yeah. This is insane, obviously, because this guy's getting, he's essentially having, this woman's having an emotional affair. It's not just an investment opportunity. They get you on that. This is like... So, on my worry,

would be like, okay, you block him, whatever. This guy's going to create another account and be like, hey, beautiful, did something happened? Did I make you mad? I'm so sorry. Like, this guy's going to find your guy. He's got her on the hook. You're never, unless you completely take away her Facebook or like.

Yeah, it's not the real counter Reeves. Yeah. So he's not like, he's like, I guess she doesn't want to talk to me. Yeah, yeah. It's some guy that's like, fuck, I was just about to ask her for a thousand dollars in Apple gift cards or whatever. Yeah. So I don't, like, I do think you have to have a conversation with her.

It's like, but the. But also she might be insane. Right. It's like someone's praying on her. I don't want to tell you what, but she's got to be offline. I also, yeah, I mean, listen, you talk about your, like, I made this point a little earlier, but it's like, they have some kind of weird-ass relationship. He's so oblivious.

He doesn't know he's getting cheated on with fake Keanu Reeves. She's talking to this fucking chat bot forever. Like, look, you're not going to fix your grandparents' relationship, right? That's not what we're doing here. What you've got to do is make sure your grandmother Because, like, right now... Your grandfather doesn't have to know this. Yeah, and also, he wouldn't even understand what's going on.

It's a new world. If you tell your grandfather this, he might go get a gun and shoot the real... Actual of Tia Reefs, yeah. Right? And we don't want that. He carries a national treasure. Guys, let's make sure we're very clear on this. Do not do anything to Keanu Reeves.

Do not. He is not to blame at all. He is not to blame. He does not want violence against our national treasures. Keanu is the man. He's not part of this. Here's what you see. If there's a...

You leave Keanu or wrong. Maybe, maybe, yeah. Maybe what you should do is get your grandparents together. Crack open an ice cold twisted tea and see if you can't get to the root of their marital problems. What if the husband, the grandfather... We have, of course, you know, and go ahead. He's in a great place because it's like,

oh, she tells me what these things he's going to do to Keanu Reeves. You've been open. I jerk off thinking about it. He comes in, he's where... He has a surfboard under his arm. They're doing point break role play. He's fucking addressed in all black. He's eating her pussy in bullet time.

He's fucking going backwards and eating his pussy like this. I have to make my back brace so I could go all the way. That would be a twist if he knows and they're doing Ki-I. What if he's the one doing it to juice her up so she'll fuck him again. It's not Keanu's role-playing. We all know who we are. Guys, why are you ruining this, kids? Anyway, this is a very twisted situation.

It's very twisted. She's keeping it too twisted. Look, here's what you're, your grandfather's, need about this. What your grandfather needs is the new summer party pack from twisted tea, including twisted lemonade. I can't wait to crack these bad boys open. I haven't, I haven't had the pleasure of sucking them off yet, but boy, oh boy, am I looking forward to it. I got a rooftop now. This summer, I'm going to be drinking the summer party pack. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, we got to get, instead of cooze, we got to get fucking, like, nips on top so we can just fucking sweet, I love that,

I love that. Hard lemonade right on this fucking hot nips. Squirt it, squirt it like a ketchup bottle. So don't tell your grandfather and try and get your grandmother to stop this behavior. That's really all you can do here. You know, they're old. Look, if you really want to try hard, you could try and get your grandmother in therapy, talk to them about their relationships, because this is a person that is not happy in her marriage. I would say so. And the fact that her husband hasn't caught on to that and he's oblivious, that's a problem too.

So if you really, the way you get a passing grade here is keep your grandfather out. out of it, make sure your grandmother stops talking to them. The way you get an A-plus 4.0 is you take this as an opportunity to look into the problems in their marriage, but also they're fucking 70. If you want AP credits, get Keanu Reeves coming and say, hey, I got to break this off.

I didn't know you were married. And I don't feel right about this. You can't ever contact me again. Right, right, right, right. So she feels attractive. That's good. You need to live out the great days with your husband. Maybe, maybe sucker box once. Get AI. Yeah, I don't think Keanu's going to do that. But I think what you could do is if your grandma's dumb enough to fall for this, why don't you get AI Kianu to send her a video and be like,

I love you, but my old girlfriend from high school called that I'm going to be with her. If it wasn't for her, I just have too much history with her. Please understand, respect this. And I want you to know from now on a lot of people, I'm going to be offline. As a celebrity, a lot of people will try, they'll find out about us and try and take advantage of you. I don't want that.

So please never talk to me again online. That's the... So we've given you three options here. That's not bad. But also, I don't like using generative AI ever. So I think... So it's just as you do. You hire a Keanu Reeves impersonator.

Okay. We get a human being to do this. We're not getting the... Right, right, right. Because we are against generative AI here. Find a sexy 61-year-old waysian somewhere who looks like Keanu and get him to break up with your grandma.

And maybe you can't get the real Keanu to do it, but maybe this guy will give her a kiss. What if this backfires and this guy's like some out of work old actor And he does start fucking grandma He's like I really liked her Hey And he's just doing a bad Keanu impressed from Bill and Ted What if he's a Bill and Ted?

He's like, hey dude Talking to you's been totally radical But it's gotta end She's like, huh? I want to see his shrivileys So anyway, that was two Your grandma's keeping it too motherfucking twisted Too real

Just crack open the summer party bag, man that's all you got to do And remember everybody Keep it twist Twisted. Whoa. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit.

Whoa. Keep it twisted. The twisted-ass motherfucking question of the week. Hit us with another one, LD. That was awesome, though. God damn. That was like, dude. Oh, man.

The ice cold twisted tea hits so. It's early. I haven't had a twisted tea this early. I'm not into tea. That's really good. Oh, good. I was like, this is,

the ads done, by the way. This is just real, dude. Oh, next one, LD. I did not know

it was boozy when I drank it. I was like, oh, oh, I thought it was just like ice tea. Well, you see, Ari,

it's actually 5% per volume, the perfect amount of booze to kick it up a notch, but not, not too much, you know? And it's rude with real ice tea. That's a notch.

Anyway, the ad's over. Next question. Hi, Sabros and guests. So, I'm pretty, sure my boyfriend is proposing soon.

Ooh. For context, we've been dating almost two years. We're both. Okay. I'm mid-20s. He's mid-30s. He has 10-year age gap, but... Ain't nothing wrong with that.

We love each other so much. I'm pretty sure he's proposing soon because he bought a ring-sizeding thing from Shane Company. Hilarious. Which he's not. making it very secretive. He's obliviously obvious about it. Awesome.

He's like, you know it'd be fun? Why don't we go get molds of our hands made? Wouldn't that be a fun activity? Keep going. But here's my question. He hasn't asked my dad yet. Fuck off. And I'm not traditional in most senses, but about something like this,

I would want him to ask my parents, not for permission, I guess, but. And what? May I own? I've been renting the pussy. May I own it, sir? I know it belongs to you as her father. I'll give you a nice bottle of scotch to make it official. A handshake makes it official.

Ah, and C-ist. I know. I find that such, so bizarre. It's so dumb and antiquated. But at the same time, it's not about, like, we're joking the, the, the, the, It's fun, I guess. The patriarchal way to look at is like he's what we just, the joke we just did. He's asking where it comes from.

That's the, that's the root of it and it is fucked up. But I do think like. I'm sure the dad would like it. I just think in terms of just almost like, hey, almost as a way to be like, hey, because your relationship to these people is going to change when you marry their daughter, right? And almost in a way to be like, hey, I really respect you. I want to be a part of this family. I want to let you know.

Yeah, exactly. And I want to like, I want to just do the respectful thing. be like, I just want you to know, I love your daughter very much. And, you know, now asking, I don't know that I would ask. It's just like, hey, can I talk to you guys what I'm planning? Yeah, it's like, I'd love, you know, I just want you to know. Because if somebody told me no, I'd be like, well, okay. I mean, that made it. I don't give a fuck, bro.

I was trying to be nice. Did you, eldest, you don't have to talk about this if you don't want to. Did you go through this? I did not ask my wife's parents, you know, I'm not losing sleep over it, but I kind of wish I did just because it's a chance to like. For the tradition? The tradition. I mean,

it's a fun thing. It's, it's kind of fun. Yeah, for the tradition. And it's as base as like, you know, you have so few,

like, very serious conversations with, like, in laws or something. Right. That's like, that's a chance to be, for like both parties

to be like, yeah, I like you. Right. It'd be nice to be each other's fair. Right. This is awesome. We love you.

We already consider you part of the fan of that kind of talk. You're right. It's almost like, it's not really a permission thing. anymore. It's almost like you're wasting an opportunity to really, a moment of intimacy. You're right. There's only like four or five moments of intimacy that are that important in a person's life. And getting married is one of them. And that may be your best, that might be the easiest conversation with the most upside, especially when you already, you loved your, you know what I mean? Like,

you already had great relationship with them. So it wasn't like, it was never in doubt. So it was more like, it's an opportunity to just bond in a way that's like, you know. And so. So I see that. You know, the thing of, like, throw the flowers and the next, whoever catches and they get married. But other people are like, I've got a career and I'm 22, I'm not looking to get married. Yeah, yeah. It's a fun thing to do.

Just fucking try and grab the thing. So it's like, there's that part too. It's like, walking down your aisle when you graduated. Like, who doesn't think they're going to graduate high school? Yeah. But he's still like. Yeah. You're still like.

You know, classic. Yeah. Check her teeth. Make sure you're not going to have to do too much dental work. You know, look. Yeah. Make, yeah. The classic stuff.

Yeah. Traditional stuff. Anyway, I don't know, but you can't, you're not going to ask him to ask well, let's see, let's just get the whole context for my hand in marriage He's definitely asked a sister But I don't know how to bring that up in conversation because if he proposes without asking my dad first I don't know if I like I want to say yes, obviously But what? That's weird on your part too.

I don't feel comfortable saying yes. without my parents' approval. And I know they were obviously approved it. They love him. But they do love him. How do I bring that up in conversation? You don't. Don't ruin.

Well, I think there's ways to do it. No, she asked. Kind of letting him know that I need my parents. That's important to ask the parents for approval. Pause. Yeah. He asked the sister already, right? Her sister or his sister?

I think she said, talk to his sister. That's what she said. So just tell the sister to tell him. That's what I was going to say. Is that like, Hey, don't tell him came from me,

but make sure he knows to ask my dad, right? No, no, exactly. The way you can't tell him it'll ruin the surprise. Well, his dumb ass already got the ring thing,

whatever. I think here's the thing. If he does some, this is not a subtle person, right? He's fucking got the ring thing out, whatever. Yeah.

If it becomes obvious, if he just makes it clear he's planning to do this and you know and he knows, you can be like, hey, I need you to go talk to my dad. if it becomes obvious.

Now, that's only if he fucks up and slips up again. If he doesn't, you're exactly right. Either his sister or your best friend or I think best friends are a really good, almost like go between in these situations. You have to kind of do relationship espionage. You have to send in your agent to fucking do a mission. Yeah, to slip it in. Yeah.

It's like, I can't wait for you to get married. I wonder what the conversation with her dad's going to be like. Are you excited about that? Right, right. It's like, oh, does somebody do you say, oh, bro, for sure. Yeah, you got to do that. I know Marguerite. She would be, you should do it.

Here's the other thing you could do, which is a fun way to sneak it in. Look, I don't know if there's any meat, like watch Meet the Fockers. A movie that surrounds itself with, the whole plot of this movie is this guy is going to go ask her. The whole plot of Meet the Fockers is a male nurse is going to ask, you know, his wife's tough guy, dad for her hand to marriage. That's the whole plot of Meet the Fockers. Yeah. And it just goes wrong and wrong and wrong. first of all, it's a great movie, very funny.

And also, you could be like, oh, that was a funny movie. It's like, oh, yeah, I can't believe he was so nervous about that. It's like, you know, you can be like someday when we, you know, hopefully when we get married, I know it's going to be easier for you. I mean, my dad loves you. It's going to be such an easy conversation. Yeah. And then I think those are your two options.

It's like, I can see him watching that and going, if it's me or you go, oh, I forgot that part. Yeah. Oh, shit. There's so much stuff we forget. Right, right. That it's like, oh, oh, right, of course. Right, right.

So I think the way you, like, I mean, I've, I don't know if I've told this story. Yeah, watch me with the fuckers. That's not bad. I don't know if, but like movies sometimes can have real realizations. Like I remember I was dating someone and we watched the, this is way back in the day in Baltimore. We watched the Jenny Slate movie Obvious Child about a girl getting an abortion. And she was like, oh, yeah, I mean, whatever. I mean, that's fine. And we're on birth control.

And she's like, I'm not on birth control. And I was like, ah! It just cloud stop rolls. I was like the door slams. I was like, what? Thank God we got through Scott Free. Wow. But like watching movies really can't.

Scott was what she named her child when she did have the abortion. Holy fuck. What if I have a son in Baltimore right now? Actually, you know what? Best case scenario. If I have like a nine-year-old kid right now, I skipped all that bullshit. Oh, that would be awesome. Changing diapers.

You get to be a stepdad figure to your biological son. To my own son. That's the dream. Damn, dude. I need to start. Anyway. Never mind. I'll keep that thought to myself. We knew a guy.

It was a door guy just after me, Dan. And his mom was like a female wrestler. It was kind of wild. Yeah. Like bigger lady too. Yeah, yeah. And low level wrestler. And she brought him to a comedy show one day.

And at the end of it, she goes, by the way, that's your father. And that's That's how she broke the news. You don't want to say? I don't know, but it's... It was a comedian? Yeah. Traveling comedian.

That's crazy. I mean, actually, it's out there now. They know it. It's the guy who used to book Letterman. Oh, Eddie Brill? Eddie Brill was his dad. That's hilarious because he's a fucking ugly guy. Yeah, he's like,

damn, mom? You fuck Eddie Brill? That's coming from me, folks. Look up what that guy looks like. Like tough one. Like, Jesus, it couldn't have been fucking Jim Carrey before he got famous. It was around the same era. So funny.

What a wild way to know. And also, it's like, imagine you go to a coverage show and your dad did like the sixth best. Like, fuck, he wasn't the worst, but he wasn't killing. Remember the guy that was like sort of forgettable? Yeah, yeah. He had a couple good ones. Didn't bomb? It wasn't even like fun.

Yeah. Didn't bomb did just okay. Had one joke. You thought he was a good joke and you're like, oh, no, that was a different comic. By the way, that happens all the time. People come up to you and they're like, I love that joke. And they're talking to me about a JP joke. And then they'll do the same thing to JP where they're talking about a joke.

And it's just so weird. I don't know why that is. I had one in Anchorage, me and David Taylor did a gig, and he's much better writer than me. Right. And far more annoying face that people call him a bald F word a lot. And he's not gay, but it's like they want to hurt him. Because he just has this, I'm better than you face.

And after the show, everyone got about, oh, I love that NASCAR. joke. I'm like, that's David's. I love that joke. I'm like, that's David. You liked me, and you supplanted his good jokes onto me. That's so funny. Because you know you related to him. That's so fucking funny. But no, I don't know. I just feel like sometimes that I just think jokes get into people's heads differently. Anyway, so, fuck. Yeah, I give a hint to the friend. Yeah, you either hint to the friend, watch Meet the Fokkers. Do you have an idea?

I like the hints. I think Meet the Fockers is actually a really good idea to be stealthy about it. I'll also say in my research, like, when I was getting ready to propose, especially when I came to like getting the ring, I was like, how the fuck do you pick this out? That's a hard one. I wanted to be a surprise. I don't really want to ask anyone. I was like looking around. It is like so many people, like so many girlfriends like take their boyfriends out. Yeah.

They're like, this is the ring. We're designing it together. They're heavy handed. So it's like also if you really want it and care about it, it's okay not to leave it up to chance. You could, like, just be so literal and heavy-handed about it. I mean, especially a piece as aloof as, like, you're describing. I think the way it should be done is you have, like, a simple gold ring that's almost symbolic. Symbolic.

And then she says, yes, and then you then go together to pick out the real one. I don't know why that's not the way we do this. Let's get a joke ring that'll do fine. Something plastic. You're at the circus. Let me buy something out of the circus here. Right, right. And then we'll go get the real one.

Yeah, then we'll go to some real. But also, if you're actually talking to them about the proposal, the marriage, some people do that. Yeah. Then it's like, then just tell them. Just say it. Yeah, yeah. If it's not a full surprise, then there's not, you're right. There's not, yeah, exactly.

It's like, you guys are in love. You know this is trending this way. It's in, oh, hell yeah. The Twisted T-Matee. Awesome. Yeah, that's good shit. Next question. Keep it twisted.

Give us, do you have an alternate twisted on their eldest? Or are those not loaded up? How do you say twisted in Spanish? I don't know. That's fine. Place it up. I don't know how you said in Greek twisted. Yidesmeno is turned around.

Wait, what's twisted in Spanish? I want to know. Oh, yeah, because you're doing it right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look it up for me. Twisted. I guess turned around. Yeah, what's weird?

Yidesmeno, yeah. I think it's more, it's probably idiom, based. right because twisted is kind of like it's more cultural you know I was learning Hebrew it was like doing a sentence it was like retorcida

in Spanish retorcida why don't you play the fucking retrocedo yeah retroceda retracida twisted play play the here we go question

retracida put in keep it twisted and let Google say it keep it twisted in Spanish and yes this is worth doing in the middle of the podcast This is the pod you guys are listening to, okay? Play it, not you saying, you fucking idiot.

Jesus. Maintainer la retorcida. That's right. Maintainer lo retorceido. Maintainerlo retorcedo. That's right. For the South American market. If you don't drink a Uruguay.

Yeah, next question. You got a baby girl. You know what to do here. Chicks do get crazy about fucking the proposal and everything having to go right and the wedding. And it's like, that's just their jam. There's definitely certain people that like weddings and proposals are so important to them. And I think, and sometimes it can be surprising. It's a very personal thing for people.

Even people that you think are very non-traditional in some ways. They might surprise you. And then the opposite. Sometimes I've known people who have super traditional lives. I don't give a fuck about that. I don't need a big wedding. They seem like the people who would care. So you just never know.

And it's so personal to you. It's so just about your relationship to your partner that just make, do whatever you do to make it the way you want it. There's no reason to be like polite about it. People should just get married all load. Yeah. It's just you and your partner. I agree.

And inviting it's just like, do it by yourself. The best model in my opinion, I mean, your wedding was great where it was like a very small. I like that. Or have it almost even a little, I mean, yours was just a little more than a loping, barely. It was like literally just the closest family. Yeah, yeah. But I also like having a even smaller one

where it's just like, you know, family, maybe best man made of honor. And then you do it at the courthouse and then you have a fucking big party that's cheaper than a fucking wedding. Where you don't have to wear a suit. Party. You have an awesome party.

Exactly. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? And then make an excuse your part. I will say this. The farther we get into whatever version of society we've built right now, it's harder and harder to have to get.

together's. It's just more difficult. Everyone's at work all the time on their phone. It doesn't leave them. And we've designed our fucking cities other than, that's why I love New York so much. It's like it's a real city. It's Europe. It's like Europe. It's like regular place. It's walkable. We have designed everyone in suburbs, everywhere

where you have to take a car, these fucking developments where it's like everyone gets there. Basically, we've been given a little nice prison cells where we're isolated and we're not and they don't want you, they don't want community because when there's community, people realize that if they

together, they could stop all the bullshit that's fucking. They want you isolated. These village takes care of stuff. Yeah, dude. They want you isolated so you don't fucking realize it's it's literally the ruling class that is fucking your life over and not trans teenagers and fucking Mexican people.

But anyway. But the thing is, if you can force people to get together, a graduation, a wedding, where people can't say no, a going away party. It's kind of like, It's my obligation to go. It's your obligation to force them. And it's fun.

So then you have to have the wedding for everybody. Totally. And dude, I remember when I first moved. The party part. When I first moved to New York, there was a real culture of like, you know, open,

we were all open micers at the time. We were just 11, 10 years ago. There was a real culture of when it's somebody's birthday, you pick a bar and it's, and it's like, and it's better than like, hey, let's, like, when, if somebody would tell me.

We're going to stop birthday. You have to go. Exactly. It's not just we're meeting up. Exactly. It's like, I would skip a bar. I would skip just a regular bar night, but if you're like, oh, it's fucking JP's birthday.

We're all going to fucking... And that was a really great community building thing. And that's what we lived in New York. There's so many great bars. In our society, like the idea of the third space that's like, it's communal. It only exists for people to hang out. The parks here.

You don't have that shit. Even bars, movie theaters, fucking bowling leagues and shit like that. We need that in our fucking country. And the way you get that, I mean, the way you get that is public transit, not people in in dense urban areas. Like, anyway, there's so much

we've been fucked by, I mean, honestly, ironically, one of the best movies about this is who framed Roger Rabbit. It's about, it's basically a movie about how greedy, fucking rich automobile developers destroyed the trolley system in L.A. L.A. used to have some of the best public transit in the fucking country. Anyway, whatever. How about a fun one to take us home?

We got to clear that. For our season traveler here. Okay. Hey, Zaz and an esteemed guest. I was calling, so I worked with some amigos. They just got here. I worked with them last year. Vigos?

And whenever I try to speak, you know, Spanish. Amigos, right? I throw a little accident. He's talking about Mexican guys, basically. I just got here. I worked with them last year. And whenever I try to speak, you know, Spanish, I throw a little accident in there,

acting in there, trying to speak like them. Yeah. And I'm trying to see if that's racist or not before I could keep doing it or if I should try to do my Spanish and, you know, English. Interesting.

Interesting. It's a thinker. Let me know what you think best. Have a great day. This is an interesting question because I think there's a way that it's not race and there's a way that it's racist. Yeah. Let's look at, in terms of racism versus trying to fit.

like a Madonna having moved to England. Yeah. Okay. And getting a British accent. Right? So similar. Similar. But I wouldn't call racist. It's white on white. To her, it's more poser. Poser. Yeah. Yeah. So okay. So are you being a poser? Because I would say it's racist if you don't speak any, if you don't speak a lick of fucking, it's like when like a boomer dad's like,

and I'll have the fajitas. You know what I mean? It's like, chill. Or if you're like, you know, even worse, the example of like, I've had a friend, maybe it was Mullen who told this story, whereas his dad would just order it. I don't remember if it was Mullen, so let's not, maybe it wasn't him. A friend of mine's dad would order Chinese food and do the, like, like, the not even trying to speak Chinese, just was by accident speaking. I don't want to. That's racist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you, if you, that is, but if you're trying. Well, isn't it's a Kreit and Barrow. We must do home shopping with Kreit and Barrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But if I will say, if, if,

you're somebody who's actually learning the language and you're just trying to speak it with better pronunciation, that's not racist. Also, if you're there, you learn it, they say things differently, so you would just, like, say it the way you learn it. Like, it's really, like, it's actually less under racist. It's less racist than keeping on to the, uh,

Ola amigos. Yeah, that's racist. That's like, you know it's not pronounced, Fegitas. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you keep saying it like that? No, you're making an effort. These are your friends. You're not doing it to like, weirdly endear yourself to them. You're doing it to improve your Spanish, I would assume. When you meet people that learn Spanish in a Spanish country and you're like, oh, you have a flow that I'll never get.

Totally, totally, totally. I'm like, come out. Okay, quanta or us. Yeah, because you're translating. Yeah. They're speaking. You know what I mean? They learn it that way.

And that's my problem with Greek. It's like there's a certain level of Greek where I, you know, I comes out fluent, like the easy stuff. And then when we get to more complex ideas, I start, I start translating. Because I say it's hard when what you're good at is talking. Because I have the shit I want to. say in English and I'm like, how do I say this in Greek? And that's when I always get tripped up. That's why I want to live there for six weeks and go native, baby. Go back to my roots. Oh, it'll grow. It'll get all. Yeah. You'll be forced to. Find a villager wife. Literally my,

literally my, literally, my fantasy that I was saying about you is just what I want, but at a beach. Yeah. Where I just want to take a village or Greek wife and start a family and then leave. Send them $1,000 a month, which in Greece is like $10,000. Dude, I would love to have the old-fashioned Dominican setup where it's like, you have a family there. You have a family here. You're gold. They're living high life.

When I was in Thailand, I met so many chicks who had old British dude on the hook for 500 a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, yeah, I'm having trouble. It's like, oh, let me just like, we had such a great time. You were my tour guide slash fuck buddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good business, tour guys slash fuck buddy.

Yeah. Yeah. A very knowledgeable, beautiful woman. Yeah, they know the streets. Like, that's a tourist stop. I'll take it over here. Yeah, yeah, we'll take you to the good shit. Yeah.

The beach life would be guests. Yeah, we'll get there. So, yeah, I say it's not racist. I say it's not racist. I say you're trying. Do you, are you, did you, did your Spanish get better? Oh, tons better. Yeah.

Tons better. Are you, like, how, do you, are you trying to learn it for real? Can you speak? And that's the episode, folks. Thank you for listening to Tommy's World. I'm trying to. Oh, that's, oh, I'm catching a whiff of that. Oh, my God.

Thank you. Ari Shafir, watch the end. The end's available right now. Shane Gilles, Gilles, Nistavros. Why did I buy you a cream cheese bagel? Mark Norman's in there. Joe List, everybody, guys. All the money is splitting split up to the comedians.

It's a communist. If you're a communist, you'll enjoy the end. It's that cream cheese. Yeah, it's that cream cheese too. Don't blame yourself. We'll see you next time, guys. Bye. You know,