Stavvy's World - #187 - Matty Matheson

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

Matty Matheson joins the pod to discuss not inheriting a big hog, how unprepared he was his first time acting on “The Bear,” getting into mischief as a child in small-town Canada, raising a family in a sick farmhouse in his hometown, growing produce for restaurants in his home garden, his surprise at somehow getting to be in the new “Toy Story,” and much more. Matty and Stav help callers including a guy whose buddy is catfishing one of his girlfriend’s sugar daddies, and a woman who’s wondering if she’ll ever be able to find love with an average endowed man considering that she’s “wide set” down there.   Watch the fifth and final season of “The Bear” on FX and Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/series/the-bear   Follow Matty Matheson on social media: https://www.instagram.com/mattymatheson https://www.tiktok.com/@mattymatheson https://www.youtube.com/mattymatheson https://www.facebook.com/MATTYMATHESON1/ https://www.patreon.com/MATTYSWORLD https://mattymatheson.store/     Thank you to our sponsors! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW!   ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hello, everybody. We have an incredible episode coming to you right now with Maddie Matheson, one of my favorites, a Mount Rushmore fat guy. I love Maddie so much. His videos are delectable. I love that he's all over getting, he's another guy from the internet that is inexplicably getting to be in movies. And we have a real, real kinship there as fat guys who've escaped the internet.

You're going to love this episode. We love the two. But before that, we just want to let you know, we are wrapping up the Dreamboat tour. Hopefully, as long as I don't get in any other accidents. Tomorrow, I am in Seattle, Washington. We have tickets still available to the late show. Atlantic City on 7-3, the eve of 4th of July. I'm then in Montclair, New Jersey, on July 10th and Huntington, New York, Strong Island, July 11th.

And then, of course, we are filming the special in Baltimore, July 18th and 19th, Saturday and Sunday. there are still some tickets available to the late show on Sunday. Come on. Come on. Let your hair down. Don't you want to be involved in a special taping? Either way, we can't wait to see you there on the road. And enjoy this episode, huh?

What do you say? With our pal, Maddie Matheson. Hopa! Welcome, everybody to stop. He's World 904-800. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We are pumped to have on the couch for the first time.

Maddie Matheson. Maddie, thanks for being here. Hey, it's an absolute pleasure. This is huge. You know, I would say, for my life, I would say the most important identity to me is being fat. Yes. Truly.

Like, the older I get, it's comedian, it's really embarrassing because it's like comedian and fat are my two identities. If you're fat, you're funny. That matter to me. Yeah, and it does go hand in hand. It does. It does. I don't know if you had that experience as a youth using being fun and funny to

deflect the fact that you were the fattest kid in class. My brothers, I'm in the middle. I have four siblings or three siblings. My sister's older than I have two brothers. They were born with abs and big dicks. Wow. You know? And then and then big dogs over here.

Big dogs over here in the middle. No. Like where's my dad? You know. Where's my gene pool? You know? It's like I have a, I have a brother who was always more handsome,

but yeah, fatherhood is taking a toll on it. You know what I mean? Like he is, he's getting into, you know, he's still a handsome middle age man, but it wasn't like, wasn't an Adonist.

To have two brothers, two brothers, hung and jacked. But also like, both like, my one brother collects junk for a living. You know,

just bought him a new truck. But wouldn't you trade at all? For a big dick. I know. I was like, I would love to live with my dad still and have just a hog. Let's be honest,

dude. All of this bullshit. Yeah. Everything we've done working so hard in our respective fields is to get, to be treated like a man with a big dick. Yes.

This is how hard you have to work. You have to get, I feel like, you know, speaking for myself, you're very talented, but speaking for myself, too, it's like, I feel like I hit a lottery. Yeah. Like, there's no, like, I could have had a good career in comedy, but I'm way too successful. Yes. You have to not only be kind of good at what you do. Yeah. You also have to get insanely lucky.

Yeah. And then you get treated like a handsome man. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get treated very well now. Now, yeah. It was nice. Yeah, yeah.

Now is nice. People open doors for me. I can walk into any restaurant, get a table. Yeah, yeah. Well, but that probably does, because I feel like for me, the thing, what two things happen when you're, you know, when you're a fat child who wants, who needs a skill to be respected. Yeah.

At first, you're like, oh, they're only, it's only because I'm funny. It's only because I'm entertaining. It's only because I make the fucking best food in the world. But then you realize part of it is just some women just need to find out about you. Yes. And they do want to fuck a guy that looks like this. Oh, you know? We're fine.

That's been the coolest part of it. Start sucking up my tits. The first time I got a titty suck on my own, it was wild. Dude. Because it blows your mind. You're like, whoa, I didn't even think about it. Get over here. I didn't think about these possibilities.

Mommy wants her some other milk, you know? Yeah, it's nice. Get over here. I want to see what it's like. Yeah, yeah. You know, I want to see what it's like. What was your first, were you like a class class? Like, what was your first like kind of?

Yeah. Because if you grow up around, you know, if you got like, you're the middle child, you're, your baby brother. Others are piece of ass. Yeah. You know, you're in, you're in Canada. What's the, what's the, like, is that what starts? Like, you're just a class clown in, like, elementary school or whatever?

For sure. I've, I've, I've been getting attention through laughter my entire life. Hell yeah. You know, like, I remember, I think I was in grade four was the first time I got, like, kicked out of class. Yeah. I asked my teeth. I, it's one of those things when you're a kid and you don't know what anything is. Of course.

somehow I asked my teacher if she had crabs. You know? And I'm just like, I still don't know what crabs are. Of course, of course, of course. Just puve, cube crabs. And I remember in grade four, it was just like, like, you know, getting dragged out. You know, back in the 90s, you'd just get like, you know, dragged out a class for anything. A little light child abuse.

Yeah, like, yeah. So I think it was like that, you know, just blurting. that out because somebody, you know, maybe my brother said, you know, like, it's, I forget what it was, but I just remember being in like grade four and just asking in front of the class. Yeah. Everyone starts laughing. Nobody knows what it is. And then I'm getting attention. I'm getting kicked out of class. Yeah, yeah. And then it was just like from there on, it was just jokes and jokes and jokes and building that speed and building that, that comfortability. And like my brothers, they were the crew. Like, I was the middle child. They liked video games. They're,

They liked creed. Yeah. They had zero subculture. You know? Like it was like... Again, you don't have to know about subtext when your dick is big. No, yeah. No.

They're free. You're free. They're free to like the whatever bullshit's on the radio. You're free to play fucking Sonic and not think about anything. Dude, Grand Turismo. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, what are you doing this weekend?

You and your friends are coming over and you're doing Grand Tourism all weekend? Sick. I'm going to... I don't know. I'll go jerk off in the woods. Of course. Of course. Yeah.

Yeah. So that's a fun. That's a fun one to just like, you have to figure out your own shit. I remember I, I remember a fat, there was a moment, there's a turning point where I was just like, all right, I should stop embarrassing myself. Because that also happened. When you're like, do these people respect me? Yeah.

That's a big turning point as a fat child. I remember when I was in maybe sixth grade and it was like, sorry, grade six. Grade six. Sorry, sorry, let me translate. Canucky. Yeah, yeah. All Canucks. I don't know if you figured it out.

Yeah. French. you know. Where I, and I went to like a Greek Orthodox church. Yeah. Which sounds, it says orthodox. Everything medieval. It's still medieval, right?

It looks cool as fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The stained glass is beautiful. The icons are legitimately beautiful works of art. Yeah. I have my saint name, you know, the saint. I have the icon of Stavros. Yeah.

In my house just because I'm not super religious, but it's so nice. And it reminds me of, you know, growing up. But it's the chillest. religion with Orthodox in it. Everything else that's Orthodox is like strict as fuck. We've seen that. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah, absolutely.

And these, and so we would have like, you know, I was in the Greek Orthodox youth of America. Nice. Strong. It sounds strong. It's a nice ring to it. And they would have like a little mixers for us. And I remember straight up snorting parmesan cheese.

Yes. For attention. Yes. And everybody loving it. But I think, I know. what Dave Chappelle felt when he heard that cameraman laugh too much and he had to go to Africa. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I felt that at that moment where I was like, it's too much. I'm an embarrassment to the plus size community. Yeah. I'm snorting cheese for the entertainment of the kids who are going to go hook up with each other. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go home. I'm going to play, you know, beach, dead or alive beach volleyball. Yes.

You know, with a nose full of, you know, Reggiano. It wasn't even Parmesan. No, it was just straight reg. Straight Reg. Give me that uncut reg. Give me that uncut reg. I'm snorting it. I'm getting laughs.

I'm going to go home and vomit. I'm going to go be sad, alone, and vomit with a nose full of reg. Yeah. Just doing this for a weekend. Yeah. So, you know, there's a moment where you turn it around, but you got to, you know, you got to. And that was a fun thing, too, because that was our church youth group was the first time, like, I got fucked up. Yeah.

You know, you're drinking in the basement of your church. It's incredible. I grabbed tea. in my church during the Greek festival. That was a beautiful. I believe that was my sophomore year. Sophomore year of high school,

great stuff. Yeah. Big drought after that. It was the Lord. It went from that. Let me touch a titty. And I was like, wow. And then you're like,

you're going to be a virgin for a long time. You want to do that in my basement? Yeah. You want to do that in my basement? Well, no more. That's where I keep my old stuff. Yeah.

That's where we keep our pain and shame. Yeah. What was so, so, so you're, what was like your friend group? Like what was the like, what was the little, were you getting up to a little mischief? When did the mischief in the- Oh, the mischief started early. We were, we were mischievous.

Yeah. I'm guessing you got like a very amateur tattoo at a very young age. Is that right? Well, I got, I got a dump, like, my first tattoo is like this arm band thing on my arm. But that was because I went, I ended up going to a Catholic high school. Okay. Because I didn't, we, you know, I wasn't, I got kicked out of the first high school. Right, right.

And then, like, my brother was, he was a bit of a troublemaker. I was a bit of a troublemaker. I did something pretty dumb. And they were like, we're not going to. And then they knew that there was another one. My younger brother, he didn't make it through grade nine. He went straight into construction. He wasn't built for, he wasn't built for academia.

You know? And also, like, we didn't know what autism was back then, you know? So he's just touched. That motherfucker. He was just touched. Put a nail in straight as fuck on the construction site. We still don't know if he has autism. He's got some.

He's touched by God. Yeah, yeah. You know, but the, yeah, like, it was just, like, stupid tattoos. And, you know, just small, I'm lucky. I grew up in a small town. Okay. With really good. I am still, like, I'm on a group chat with all my homies from high school.

That's awesome. Me and my, like, my wife, we moved back in our son, Mack, when he was two years old to our hometown. We left Toronto seven years ago, eight years ago. Nice. And we live down there now. And it's just, it's incredible. Like, it is incredible because it is, we're playing Little League. Yeah.

And so, like, me and my buddy, George, our sons are playing on the same diamond. And we're sitting there, you know, we got our fucking chairs and we're sitting there. Yeah, yeah. And we're a dream. It is so crazy. We used to play baseball here. And now we're watching our kids play baseball here. Yeah.

And me and George are like, well, yeah, I don't want to blast George. We're like, hopefully our kids don't get as fucked up as we got fucked up. You know, because it is, it's like small town shit. Like we are running around. And also my town was so amazing. Like, Fort Erie was such a great town. Border town to Buffalo, New York. Oh, okay.

So, like, you know, before 9-11, we could rip across with our driver's licenses, go get beer, go to the bars there. Yeah. Great punk, hardcore scene there. Fucking. But our town was all, like, we had five strip clubs. And, like, our town was like 16,000 people at that time. And so, like, Chinese restaurants, Bing. single halls, strip clubs.

And so like just going to the bar was, we would just go to, first time I ever went to a bar. We went, shout it to the GTR. It ain't there no more. But the GTR was like being a, like, you know, my leg's shaking. First time in a bar, I used my older brother's, his fake ID.

He's not even old enough to go to the bar. We go in, we get in, I get a beer, you know, just giving women that smell like vanilla fields, like cookie. You know, they smell like, everyone smells like cinnamon. bun, you know, and I'm just giving money to people being like, you don't have to do this, you know, like being a child.

Of course, of course. And thinking back on it, I was just like, you know, like 15 or 16. And I'm just like, just looking like a fat, sweaty child, just drinking LaBaloo. Just like, dude, be like, who's got bumps? Like, what's going on over here, you know? Oh, man, that chick, I don't even know what that's, that's a C-section. What's a C-section? You know, like, it's just like, but it was an incredible town and it is an incredible town.

And it is more than just strip clubs. I don't, you know, 40. It's an incredible town. Yeah. It's improved. We got like an Arby's now. It's big. Yeah, yeah.

Came into town a little bit ago. Yeah, hell yeah. Yeah. Beef and Cheddar's. Yeah. Like, Fortyeree was an incredible town to grow up. Lots of woods. Lots of like, you know, stupid-ass shit with a bunch of kids ripping around.

A lot of old factories throwing rocks that shit. I love that. And just like getting fucked up riding around on BMX's. We're also on the lake. So like every summer. is just like hanging out on the lake. Yeah. So it is just, it was,

it was amazing. All my friends are my homies still. I love them very much. Our group chat is like, it's funny because they, as they're older, like they're, like we were all like the kids that listen to like punk music and like we were whatever like that crew of kids in that town. And like now everyone's just old and they're like,

Maddie, can you guys like Bill's tickets? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like the group chat is mostly around me getting them tickets to sports events. Of course, of course. You know? But they're still like,

they're my brothers for life. That's beautiful, man. And that's like, I do think about, that's the kind of advantage of, that's the perfect setup where you are near a big awesome city. Yeah. But you can live out. Like, I always am sad Baltimore isn't 90 minutes from New York. Yeah.

Because I love Baltimore, but four hours is just a little, it's a little far. But I know that feeling of, you know, like my brother just had a kid and it's like friends of my, one of my best friends, she has two kids and I don't get to see them enough. And I'm just like, there's something nice to be able to. like dip dip into both, you know? It's incredible. Like we have, it's a crazy thing. Like I'm like, we have our forever home. You know, we have this place, this farm that like our children, like both of my

daughters were born on the farm. You know, like, Trish is like, she's a dog. Like, she's like three homebirths. And like, it is this thing where like they were born there. And it's just like we have this place that is like so special. And I just love being there. It is like a cliche. Like there's one elementary school in our town.

Yeah. You know, our kids are like riding bikes down dirt roads and like having fun and like, you know, it is one of the, when I, when the kids come in the city, I have to be like, like, make sure we look, we're looking both ways. And like there's people here and there's cars. Right. Right. Right. There's bikes. They're ripping by on bikes.

And like, I don't know. But it is funny because my kids are still so like, just like, whatever. Country kids. That's cute, man. Yeah. Yeah. It's very, it's very fun. It's also funny to think about like all this like trad shit that's going around now.

Yeah. where people are like, you have to be racist and your wife, you know what I mean? It's like, it's like you've just described the most trash. Your wife didn't, you gave birth on a farm. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, yeah, you can do cocaine in different parts of your life. Yeah. Have this many tattoos and still go to a, like, that's what's beautiful about it.

It's just so funny that people have co-opted something that's just nice. Yeah. And a thing to do when you're a little older. And it's like, that's a lesson everybody. You can suck and fuck in your youth and you can still end up on a nice farm. Yeah, you can still land it. You can still, you could absolutely land it. You can land and land the plane.

You got to be really lucky. You got to be really lucky, really successful. Eight different times. Yeah, yeah. You have to cheat the Reaper to do it as well. Dude, I've stared into the sun long enough. You know? I've seen it.

Yeah. I've seen it. You know, like it is a crazy thing. Like, like, also like I lived in Toronto for like 18 years. And it was just like I never thought like I would ever leave Toronto. And I never thought. And then we had a kid. And then also like, I could.

come from a very working class family. And like, when we, I got to a place where I was like, I could afford a house, but I couldn't afford a mortgage, you know? So I couldn't, like, I'm like, I'm not getting a 500 square foot condo. I'm not doing that. And so like that force says, I was just like, okay, well, maybe we look elsewhere. And then I started looking like around Toronto. And then I was home like one Thanksgiving. And I was like just bishing about everything. I was like, you could get a mansion for the cost of a condo in Toronto. And then like I found this like kind of clapped out farm. And I was just like, I'm buying this farm.

And it turned into like just like that. Like I was just like, dude, Trish, this is it. And she's just like, it needs a septic tank and it needs a, it needs a lot of stuff. I was just like, we'll get there. We'll get there. But I'm like, now the farm is tight. Fuck yeah, dude. Are we talking livestock too?

No livestock. No, because we got tons of deer and weasels and skunks and raccoons. Okay. But we have like a giant farm. Like we have a farm called Blue Goose Farm. And so like that, we have, we have we grow, you know, it's almost like two acres of vegetable beds. Oh, fuck. So we, our whole backyard is literally just a giant farm, a vegetable farm.

That's fucking incredible. Yeah. What's the, what's the finest crop you've gotten? I think, like, it's funny. Like, we're, we grow a lot of vegetables for like chefs and restaurants. And we want to grow, like, very interesting, robust vegetables. We're not growing, like, stupid microherbs and, like, whack shit. We wanted to grow, like, like, corrobby and, like, really beautiful,

chickeries and like all this cool shit. How about this eggplant? Dude, beautiful eggplant. And we get all of our seeds. We get most of our seeds from Italy. So Keenan's parents, they, they go to Italy all the time and they always bring back seeds and stuff.

And so like a lot of our seeds for our tomatoes, our eggplant, some peppers, all these things. A lot of our chicarees and lettuces also are all coming from Italy. And yeah, but like also like we have this one polytunnel that is legitimately just filled with sungolds. And so like walking out at the height of summer and legitimately just grabbing

handfuls of like sun gold tomatoes and eating those and they taste like fucking mangoes or persimmons. And you're just like this is unreal. Like it is the fucking best. That's fucking beautiful. What was the, do you, was there like one little dish as a fat child you made that you were like, I could get into this? You know what I mean? Like was there a thing? Was there a moment where you were like, did you put something together? Was there like a, you know what I mean? Like was that?

Well, it was like one of my, like, my grandfather, he had a restaurant. Oh, cool. So he had a restaurant Prince Edward Island. Fuck, yeah. And so, like, and he lived in, like, there was, like, a little apartment behind it. And it was, like, an old, like, diner, home style, like, full diner. And they made everything fresh. They made fresh dinner rolls and chowders.

And it's in the maritime. So it is, like, all fresh seafood, lobster, turkey dinner every day, you know, club sandwiches. And also, there was, like, a soda pop shop kind of. a thing. So they had like an ice cream shop and milkshakes. And so like going there I grew up like very religious also and like grew up Mormon.

And so like we never went. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck you. Fuck you John Smith. Get the fuck out of here. You crazy dude. Truly. Yeah. I mean I'm some of the best rebel from a over the top. You know what I mean? Like yeah.

Shout out to ex-Morman girls. Hey. Pretty cool. So could this. I don't have bed sheets. Let's get the super soaker out, baby. But yeah, like it was just like, I think going to my grandfather's restaurant like every summer, whenever we would go. And he had a Winnebago in the parking lot.

So we would like sleep in the Winnebago or we would sleep on air mattresses or in the like banquettes in the soda pop shop. So we would have to wake up early and just like go outside and play. You know, when you just have to go outside and play. Yeah, yeah. And so, like, we would, like, wake up because they would open, like, at, like, 7 a.m. or whatever and serve breakfast and all that. But, like, going there, it would be, like, amazing because we didn't have to, once again, like, growing up, not going to restaurants and being, like, very working class or, you know, slightly poor.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eating for free and getting, like, French fries, gravy. Yeah. Eating, like, lobster. Right. And, like, we would do these, like, big lobster boils in the driveway and, like, having fresh muscles and all this seafood. go clam digging. Fuck.

And just like all that kind of shit was something where I was just like I grew up eating all of that stuff in the driveway. And yeah, just like I think my love of restaurants is very connected just to looking back on it now.

How could it not be? It's like you escape from like some bullshit being poor. Never having like a pop till I'm like 13. Yeah. You know? Having to read fucking bullshit. Not being able to like even see Simpsons

until I was like a teenager. Yeah, dude. Just watching Bambi. I'm like Bambi. But they cut out the part where the mom dies So it makes no sense They fast forward They're like

Can't watch that G rated I was only allowed to watch PG was crazy Oh man I bet you you could Maybe when Jasmine came out In the red

In the red Who framed Roger Rabbit That was real That's real Those two for me Truly explain my entire I mean Dude

I've said it before I think Who Framed Roger Rabbit explains basically my entire life I watched that in another movie. Fuck, I forgot.

I was, I was just on another podcast we were talking about this. But who from Roger Rabbit? And then my mom worked at a Greek restaurant and if I waited, Saturday, if I stayed up late, she sometimes came home with leftover Kalamari. And that's when I started watching SNL

as a little ass kid, right? Like, I'm, I was born in 89. This is like, truly, I'm four or five years old. And I don't remember if that was the Sandler years or if they had just been chit-canned. But it was like the Will Failure is, whatever. Yeah. Seeing that shit, it's like food, comedy and like, you know, knowing that a woman you love could come back with snacks at the end.

Calamari, a late night calamari. Late night calamari. To this day. Watching. That's fantastic. To this. So that makes a lot of sense where it's like, yeah, that was your fucking escape. So you're like, yeah, restaurants fucking rock.

Yeah. I, because I, the one, I just remember, I have a very, you know, I have a real memory of, of like being, finally being. being left unattended in the basement where our kitchen was. Right. And there was a TV, like a little shitty, you know, like, uh, antenna TV. Yeah. And I could watch like, you know, but it had a VHS. Right.

So I could watch some, when my parents, because my mom wanted to raise us strict, but like, you know, they both work jobs. We grew up in Baltimore City. Like, you just go to your friend's house and watch, you know, pornography. Yeah, yeah. Like, but, but, so when my mom would leave, I would just be like, I remember being like 11 or 12 and having free reign of the kitchen. and just popping in some, you know, watching either like,

I watch a lot of the PJs. Remember that one? The claymation, Eddie Murphy. It was so fucking funny. And I remember watching the PJs and making a four-decker ham and cheese where I soaked each piece in butter. Yes. And fried each piece of bread.

That's amazing. And then I fucking, and then I made a melt on each. And I just kind of fused three separate sandwiches with cheese. Yeah. And that to me was like, this is all. That to me was like, fuck yeah, dude. And I really, I mean, I have the thing of like, I, my dream is literally having a fucking, like, greasy spoon someday. Oh my God.

And just work it, you know, sometimes working the grill, but a lot of times being up front. Yeah. How we doing? Yeah. Oh, she's getting so big, knowing everybody in the neighborhood. You know what I mean? Like, to me, that's what I can't wait to maybe, like, live on a beach town somewhere and have one of those restaurants and check in with the fucking. locals. That's what I'm in, I don't know where it's going to be. Yeah. I have no idea. I don't know.

I dream of that, like just having a restaurant where I actually cook at it again. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like, I was like talking to somebody and they're like, so are you sick of restaurants? I'm like, no, I'll never be sick of. I love restaurants more than anything. Yeah. But I was just like, I would like, like, I'm like, like, we do have like an Italian restaurant in our hometown now. And so like we have like Rizzo's house of Parm. And I was like, it's this Italian joint. It's sick and it pumps. And I was just like, I kind of want to just have like a place that makes like, chicken wings and like like cheese steaks and like just like something that I could like bang out and have fun like you know tray pizza and wings and cheese steaks like just you know like it is like a thing like like I dream about just having great bar food but like not a bar totally just open at 9 a.m. Oh that's I mean I saw a short a YouTube short of you making the stinger yeah came up and my dick got hard dude I mean that was unbelievable because it was like first of all you show the the sandwich and it's a cheese steak plus a buffalo chicken tender sub, which... It's incredible.

That's innovation. But then I'm like, that's good enough. I shouldn't go together. I thought you were going to like go to a fucking place and buy the best. And then you fucking get actual chicken breasts. I see you slice that motherfucker up. I'm like, that's the best. Like, if I had to sort of distill what I'm looking for and everything, it's the highest end version.

of dog shit. Yeah. That's my whole life. That's my low, I love low culture, but I love the best version of it. I love the best shitty action, like the over-the-top action movies.

And there is artisanship to making. Now, some people do it. It's a fine line, right? Because you don't want to be the, so many fucking dickheads would be, you know, make a cheese steak and overdo it and be like, it's wag, you know,

whatever the fuck. You don't need it. Or you get, the bread is like too fancy or the, the brioche epidemic that has died, thank God. Yeah. that was destroying burger culture for a while.

Yeah. Those fucking fluffy, buttery ass buns. Get the, I'm eating a fucking dessert or am I eating a burger? I don't want a donut. I don't want a donut.

I don't want a donut in a different context. You know what I mean? I don't, I exactly. I do not want to fucking top my delicious meat with, with a donut. And I'm, I love just doing the platonic ideal

of the, of the things, of the comfort foods that are so near and dear to my heart. That I literally, I was like, that's, that's beautiful. That's symbolic.

right there. Dude. Buffalo, Buffalo, New York. I think it's like an underrated like food city where it doesn't get a lot of love

but it's also like they got the stinger. And I'm just like it's they're not known for cheese steaks they're not, they're known for wings, sure. And there is fantastic spots

that have real ass wings. But it is like that stinger thing is just something that's so unreal. Yeah. And I just like making it and then like I made it at home too because Mac is like, you know,

he's 10 and he's, He's a big dog. I call him Little Big Dog. So like Little Big Dog. He loves like a burger and like everything. And I made him a chopped cheese. And he's just like, this is incredible. I was just like, dude, check this out.

It's chopped cheese. But then we're putting chicken fingers in. He's like, what is going on? And he's like, Dad, make a stinger. Make a stinger. But I want to bring him to, you know, because like there's a lot of places and like Jim Steakout in Buffalo is one of the places that you can go

and get like that kind of shit. But it is like, oh. Like I was there recently and I was at a show and there was the gyms across the street and we all, I was like, let's go get stingers. And we all went and got a stinger and we just fucking ate it. And then you're just like, like you're, oh yeah. You're, you're, you're, you're transcended, dude. Yeah. That's the only time I know.

You're like in the movie the cell. You're just like, you know, you're DeNumphrio in the cell. Just fucking. Absolutely. I'm at peace in there. I mean, I've always said the best feeling of all time for me. Yeah. is the like anywhere from seven to 20 minutes

before what you've eaten catches up with you. That's the best. But when I've had the most fucked up meal of all time where it's like, you know, a pizza, you know. The best meal of all time. 20 wings. You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

Like a real dirt bag. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, just when you get that, when you get the appetizer sampler for yourself. Yes. It's like, when you know what I mean, it's like,

just a couple of paupers. A couple of nots. That's what I want. wings, you know? Spinage dip. Of course. Yeah, yeah. You know, artisan dip or whatever the fuck. Because you don't get that feeling, that feeling has to happen on your couch. Yeah.

Because when that feeling happens in a chair, in a restaurant, in a leather chair, that's bad. Big, big plastic cup of like, you know, root beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, like Pizza Hut fucking cups. Oh, yeah, the red ones. Yeah. Those are the ones. Those are the ones. Those are the ones. But I need that on my couch because, like, when it happens in a restaurant, it feels like you just nutted and like you know and then your shame it feels like nutting in your pants at a strip club

yeah and like what am I scared here you're scared yeah I'm scared I gotta get home yeah I'm getting home I'm scared I can't hear like you can't hear at all you're just like it's like it's like a bomb went off in a world war two movies yeah oh what did I have down you have no hands no no feet in this case yeah the gout's gone the gout got got I got gouted that's fucking awesome, dude. Do you, is that something you like, because I feel that way with standup too where it's like, you know,

I started doing standup when I was 19 because I loved it and I didn't want to do anything else. And flash forward now, shit's going good, but I feel like I spend like 10% of my time doing standup and like, you know, I've weirdly become, like, how the fuck did I become a guy who runs a business? How did I become a guy who runs a successful media company?

Yeah. You know, like that's my job now. And I do, it's not that I resent it because it's fucking awesome and so much cool shit has happened as a result. Yeah. But sometimes I do miss the days of like, all you have to worry about is waking up and doing stand-up.

Do you feel the way about cooking? Is that how you're, is that where you're- Yeah, yeah. I do, like, I was, that's the thing. Like, recently I was just like, man, I wish I could just have a restaurant where I could go to it.

And I do. Like, that's the thing I'm saying that. And I'm like, I'm sure those people at the restaurant's being like, anytime you want to come, Maddie. You know, like, oh, cool. You're on Toy Story? Like, I got a text. Like, my one chef texting me,

He's doing like this like dinner, special dinner with the chef from out of town. And like, he's texting me stuff and like texting me a photo of the menu and some some fucking Misanplas. I'm like, oh man, that's so sick. He's like, what are you doing? And I like send a picture of like me and Joan Kusap. And he's just like, cool. Sorry, I was teaching me a dance. Yeah.

I got to get that. I just, I'm on Broadway with Bernthal. I'm watching the next. I'm actually watching the next with Bernie and Evan. We're about to like run through Times Square naked with guns. It's like, we're good. You know? Like, fuck.

Yeah. But it is, like, I do think it is as you build these things and their dreams you never dream. Totally, totally. Like I was just like, I just, like, when everyone's like, did you ever dream of this? And I was just like, I wanted to be a chef. I wanted to be a chef my whole life. I became a chef when I was like 26. Yeah.

And my first freshman one, I was 26. And then like every, like, it is a crazy thing. And now I'm here doing this. And it is this crazy thing where I'm like, yo, this is just opportunity. this is friends. Like everything like everyone's like, how did you even get on the bear? And I'm like,

well, Chris was my homie. You know, he called me because I was friends with Coco, who's a chef, who's his sister. And it is like that thing

where I'm just like, everyone, I'm always just like, yo, I didn't like trip and fall on. And I was like, this is just, my whole career is like homie shit.

Totally. That I was able to get in and like ad. Yeah, yeah. And that's the thing is talking about like being good at it and being funny

and being like me. Good hang. Yeah. Yeah, like it's 90% of it. It's, dude. It is more than 90% of it. It's just like, I'll hang with people that are duds and be like, my coattails are strong. Just be around.

Come around. I want you around. Yeah, yeah. You know, like it is one of those things where it is, like, I do all these things. And even like during the pandemic at the height of like, like, like I started a podcast. And then we did the podcast. And then I couldn't travel. And I was trying to like green screen and be like video.

And I was like, this isn't it anymore. Right. And I love two tone. And we did this. thing and it was fucking amazing but I was just like yo if I can't be there and feel this like this is the worst so then I had to like step away and it but even

during that time like it's so funny people think like people are like you should like I'm always told by not comedians you should do stand up and I'm like absolutely not yeah yeah it's so not worth it it's like you have every good part of stand up without having to do the bullshit yeah I'm doing all this stuff

comedians you after you know I'm like I don't want to go back yeah but it is like one of those things where I just saw this clip and it was like Tracy Morgan was talking about funny versus comedy. Right. And I was just like, oh, like I never saw that clip before. And I'm sure a lot of people have seen that clip or whatever. But I was just like, oh, I've always been. And I watched it.

I was like, oh, that's, I'm so happy that I never even tried standoff because I was just like, I'm not good at jokes. I'm not good at that. Yeah. It sucks. Yeah. It would be, but there's like you're incredible at it. And it is like there's so many people that are so fucking good at it.

And there are your comedians that when you meet them, they're like, they don't even know how to talk, too. For sure. Well, that's a great. There's definitely someone who, people look at it as like technical ability sometimes. Yeah, yeah. And it's like, you know, that's fine.

And there are some really gifted people whose minds just work with jokes. Yeah. And it's almost like a robotic thing. And that's a cool type of, I respect them comedically, you know, absolutely. And not even some of them aren't even great performers. They're just such great joke writers. But there is a difference in terms of like just, the best skill of all time

is just being a good time like being a good hang because people like that people want you around and it's like that's what like you know I have friends who work in like if you're just a guy

who can make eye contact as a computer programmer you're gonna get promoted even if you're a shitty programmer people just like hanging out they're just so much more fun to talk to dude Jim down the road he made eye contact with me

give him another of 10K a year and we're gonna work. 100% dude. Because it's like if he wants you like, if you can have a drink with somebody and it'd be like a fun experience, dude, that's big.

I'm so scared of being around people that suck. I'm so afraid of it. Yeah. And I'm always so like, and a lot of times I'm like not like not. That's why I'm like with acting, I turn down 99% of the things that come my way because I'm like, thanks by the way.

Yeah. It's probably probably helped me out a couple of times. I'm jealous of you. Dude, I gotta, Bagonia? I just reason, dude, dude,

yeah, and like so incredible and I think it's like, you're doing it the right way. I appreciate it. I really, like, your choices are incredible,

your opportunities are obviously there. I mean, look, yeah, it is so fucking sick. But it was so funny, like, I was talk,

I was at some award show and like Jesse and Kirsten were there. And, oh, hell yeah, and so. And so, they're so awesome. Jeremy was like talking,

well, we were all like smoking. Yeah, yeah, and I was just like, I love, I think Jesse is, incredible.

Dude, he's so fucking all. First of all, I think he's the best actor. I mean, dude. I think in Bagonia, you saw the two best actors of their generation. And I think he got completely fucking robbed. Yeah. The fact that he wasn't nominated is so fucking crazy. I think he should have straight up won.

But anyway, he's the man. Yeah, yeah. He's so sick. But I was just like, it was so funny because I legit was just like, I love Friday Night Lights. Yeah, dude. And I was just like, and I was like, you kind of remind me that character. or always reminded me of my younger brother.

Oh, wow. And he's like, I didn't know if it was like a compliment or whatever. I was just like whatever. And then I just started and Jeremy like hits me. He's like, that's enough. Like, you know, like he's like, you complimented him twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up.

Yeah, totally, totally. Shut the fuck up. But then the thing that was crazy was like Alicia Silverstone. Yeah. She came up and she was just like big fan. Awesome. And I was just like all the, all celebrities say big fan. which I find very funny

because I'm always just like what did you see me? I'm not in anything except for the fucking bear I'm like I tell you wash the bear because everybody hates the bear so I was just like

what the fuck like okay and she's like I love your cooking videos and I was just like what? Totally. And I was just like yeah clueless is tight

and I was just like whatever but it is fucking but Jesse and like you being in Bagonia was just like I saw that and I get so stoked because it is like when I love championing people and like being like

dude, that's the fucking shit because I know how hard it is. Yeah, yeah. Like, I also like, what's up with acting? Like, in the sense of like, like, it's the worst, right? It's the scariest shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, dude, imagine like you're not, like, look,

my acting training is, I went to an after-school program for four months in Baltimore City. Yeah, in sixth grade, I was in the Baltimore School for the Arts Twigs program. Yes, yeah. And which, that scared me out of acting because you were around kids who love acting. I was around theater kids and literally like I remember being scared

by these girls. I was like they're too intense. Like they scared me probably in like a weird psychosexual way where I was like this energy is like you know, it's like I've ended anyway, in any case and to be like when I got offered

Bagonia I was like something, a mistake has happened. Yeah. The fact that I have gotten off for this double check that they meant me. Yeah, yeah. Was there a different style Roos that Yorgo was trying to get.

Was he just, did UTA get the wrong, like, Greek guy on their roster that send them this? But yeah, dude, imagine how fucking crazy it is against, you know, Jesse. All my scenes were with fucking Jesse. That's incredible. And yeah, there's so many fucking great actors on the bear where it must be completely, like, you must like, I mean, I feel, I deal with it by just kind of disassociating. Knowing my lines, having a take on it, doing good enough that they won't fire me. Yeah. And then just letting the good actors do the, do the work.

Being a fun fat guy in the frame You know what I mean? Like understanding it's also visual They kind of just want a fat guy in the Am I just sweating? Am I sweating? Am I sweating too much? I'm always sweating.

I'm always sweating, but am I sweating too much? Can we miss him? Can we miss Maddie? Yeah. I just came in from a storm. Yeah. But the fucking, it is crazy because it is like I never

like I never acted. Ever. I never did classes. I still have never done classes. I have no idea. but it is one of those things where like I remember the first scene was with me and Jeremy

and we're standing in front of Ballbreaker and I'm talking about Mortal Kombat and fucking whatever all this fucking like I have like a monologue a paragraph you know like a little fucking thing and and we're outside just smoking and Jeremy's like yo like let's run it we're about to go in like let's run it

and I was just like yeah yeah for sure like I'm good yeah yeah yeah and he starts like just doing lines in front of me and I was like wait what what? Yeah. I was like, no, like, and then I started like, mum, like, the Mortal Kombat game is like, it's like the crazy. Yeah.

And Jeremy's like, oh, you don't, you don't know your lines. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, no, no, I read him. He's just like, and he's like, we're about to go shoot. And I was just like, yeah, but I was like getting the kitchen ready and I was doing all this other stuff. And I was just like, no, I'm going to like bang it out. We'll find it. We'll find it.

And it was one of those things. And then we go in. Like, they're just like, it was the first day of acting. Like, I was, like, action. And I'm just like, huh? Start, like, laughing. Yeah. And, like, Jeremy, he doesn't know me that well.

Totally. You know, like, this is on the pilot. And I was just like, I'm fucking know how to do this. And then I was just like, oh, like, we'll stop. And, like, be like, oh, dude, like, we'll start again. Yeah. And I was like, Maddie, this is not how it goes. My dog.

Yeah. You got to fucking figure it out. I think that when, like, I thought you just, oh, you go there, you and the director talk about your motive. All you hear is like, what's my motivation? Like, you know, that phrase, what's my motivation? It's like, it's like in Looney Tunes cartoons.

Like, it's like, all I know about acting is what I saw from cartoons. Show the fuck up. From cartoons like parodying acting, you know? So I literally thought you would get there and like talk about shit. And man, thank God I did an indie before Bagonia. Yeah. Because like, if I had done that on Bagonia, I would have fucking, you know. It's a crazy thing.

I really, like, and that's what scares me. Like, it is the scariest thing where I'm showing up in front of other people. It's the most vulnerable thing ever because I'm like, you're the tool. Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, wait, my tool sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, I got no tools in here. I'm a rusty.

I'm a rusty, I saw. Literally. I'm fucking done. I'm broken. I stink. I show up. Yeah. I haven't showered in three days.

I'm like, I read the script kind of. Yeah, yeah. You know, like it is like one of those things where it's so fucking crazy. But it is amazing. Like, I love seeing that because a lot of act, like a lot of comedians get into stuff and like I'm just like oh that's okay

because I feel the same way I feel like I feel the same way when I'm like not that I'm a great actor or anything like that but it is like if I was to go into comedy like I would have been like comedians would be like oh Maddie's over here now fuck out of you you know or whatever I know no I definitely feel that I feel really bad for fat actors

yeah it's like the fact that we are working me you Paul Westerhousers you know like it's just like Paul's on everything I did a movie with him recently and he's a sweetheart but it is a funny thing where I'm just like, is it me or him? Or is it like, who's the new fatties? Well, just imagine being a classically trained fat guy.

Oh, dude. And you just have to see us be in movies. That's, sorry, guys. Our socials are so strong. Wait, how bad we are. They're like, you're valuable. You're fan base. No one cares about art anymore, man.

It's all elgo. My elgo's strong. I'm like, dude, why am I a toy story? I have no idea. Thank you so much. But I don't, I was just like, I was sitting in that room be like, why am I here? They could ask anybody.

How did they do that? Did they do it in person or like? I did it in Buffalo. I just did in a sound booth. It is like one of those things where it was just like, whatever, my schedule and I can't be in LA. And they're like,

oh, we found it there was like a person from like Pixar's there though. Okay, cool. So like there and then we're just like zoomed up and we got all the directors and everybody's there. And then we just run it. It was like 45 minutes. That's awesome.

Yeah, it was. But it was still just like. I'm ready for scams like that. Voiceover seems like a real fucking scam where it's like, I did a voiceover thing too, and it was the same thing where it's like, oh, this is awesome. I just show up and just read,

go home. I did a season of television in an afternoon. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. And you're not scared? No, like you don't have to look at the better actors in the eyes.

I was like, give me on a cruel show. Like what's going to, you know? Like I'm like, fuck, man. Yeah. I got a nice voice. Totally,

totally. Dude. That doesn't make sense to me, though. You totally should be a toy story. you have a distinctive, like, you know, I'm sure you're not the fucking main character. No, I'm in 45 seconds. I mean, like, I'm doing all this.

Because I was like in the trailer. So I was like, dude, you're in the movie. I'm like, I'm in for 45 seconds. Woody saves me. I'm like, I'm blowing the whistle on big tech. I'm like, I'm in it for a couple seconds. That's awesome. But, oh, I'm, I'm happy to hear that it's an anti big tech.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tablets destroying imagination, you know? That is literally true. Hey. Yeah, good. Good for Toy Story. Maybe Toy Story 6 It's a fully communist

It's like It goes We have to Drink the blood Of our tech overlords Yeah That would be cool It flips

Now we're just drinking the blood Of the tech We're like tech one Is this T2 Yeah We are T1 thousands It will be interesting To see what

All the I am really curious About what's gonna happen iPad kids man We're about This is like I think the first generation Of iPad kids

Has become adults And you can tell You can really No one shakes your hand. Nobody looks at you. Everyone's just like they see the world in Minecraft. They're so nervous, dude. They're so nervous out here, but... Yeah, it's different. People,

you know... Who knows? I'm happy I was outside. Yeah. Yeah. You know? That's a scary... I mean, you're talking about with your kids, too. It's like, that's a scary thing about like, you know, what the... They're just... The world they know is going to be so much different. Like, this generation of kids is like so, so different, but, you know... It can be. But it's

also like, we don't do, like, no iPad. Like, we've never allowed our children to have iPads inside of our cars. Look out the fucking window. Yeah. Look at the window. Be sad. Be bored. Be sad. Think of something because I'm like boredom creates imagination.

For sure. Like that is the greatest tool is boredom. And so it is just like a thing where and like no rush, like going to restaurants with kids and you see like a kid with a fucking thing on with the fucking with the thing and you're like everyone's eating steak frets and you're like what are you doing dog? Like like your little fucker with fucking headphones just drinking a bottle. He's way too old.

Yeah. Take your head. headphones off, you just start shrieking. And you're just like, dude, everyone doesn't have autism. Totally, totally. You know, like, if you just let your kids be kids and just don't let them, like, treat it like it is a gift or treat it like it is a thing where I'm like, the second they get home from school, don't let them just jump on it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let them play outside for a little bit. Let them unwind outside or like something. There's so few outside. I mean, that's, we're just so fucked where it's like just every, there's no like communal places. there's no like just places to hang like I went to an after school rec center that shit doesn't

people don't really do that shit they fucking but anyway there's something to growing up poor because you just like you have your parents care something they don't care about you which is they're too overrun I guess that's what it is like this

that's a lot of iPad kids are just like I bet you if my parents had fun if my mom there were times where my mom would have gotten that iPad going quick you know well our iPad was just go outside Yeah, yeah, yeah, just go outside. Don't get molested and go outside. Do not.

Do not. Hey, dude, I was not allowed to sleep over at people's houses. I was not allowed to. You neither. And sometimes I'm like, did my dad get molested? Why was he so scared? We're protecting you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's adults. And honestly, probably, dude. Yeah. It was crazy. 80s. Dude, 80s. Greasing.

Yeah, yeah. Invented anal. Yeah, hey, hey. We got out of our system. Okay. We got out of our system. I did a video. I did it.

I did. I did. I did. I did. I cooked. I cooked a Greek dish and I forget what the fuck I cooked, but I was like going off on like Greeks inventing like anal. Yeah.

And like the amount of hate. Oh, I was just like, I'm getting canceled by Greeks. Greek people. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just like, this is incredible. They're very proud. They don't want to hear any back sass. They don't want to hear any. And it is very funny because they fetishize ancient Greece. They're like, we were,

we were fucking. Yeah. We were fucking democracy and we, you know, we, we fucked our soldiers in the strength. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

It's like Alexander the Great was, was in like, bisexual throuples. Yeah. Like, he would pick up a different concubine of a different ethnicity and sex every two weeks. Yeah. Like,

they, the, you can't love both ancient Greece and not love gay shit. Yeah. Because it's, that's what fueled the empire. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Blown off steam. Yeah. Yeah. Let me hit it. We just, we just conquered the city. All right, boys.

Let's suck each other off. Let's go. 69. 69. Yeah. Yeah. Get in the, get in the,

get in the, I bet you they had like the, the phalanx or whatever where they have like their military um uh fucking formations I bet you they had some gay sex formations

yeah I bet you could they could drill you but they were so comfortable they could be so close to hold that pattern totally maybe that's how you held the path that's how you hold you want to be in each other you want to literally you like Legos

yeah one Lego not so strong many Legos strong you know yep that's beautiful if there's any ancient military historians listening. Please let us know. Is that right? Is that correct? Yeah. Like, were they together together? Were they inside of each other ready to conquer? The Greeks had a good run.

I think so. The Spartans were even gayer. Yeah. That's the thing. Everyone thinks Athens was and it is. 300? Yeah. 300 dudes. They would, yeah. Yeah, they were having fun. That was their body count. That was their male. That was their gay body count. They would just feed on each other. It was like, there's no food. Well, give me protein. They were literally like, all right, get the women. All right, we had kids, get the women out of here. Just the fellows. We're going to fight and suck each other. I think it's great. Yeah. So, I mean... It's fantastic. We need to get back to that.

You do see that in today's... Everyone needs to be pansexual. You know? You see super jacked gay guys? Yeah. They're basically just living like Spartans. They're getting jacked and they have no use for women. Dude, it's hot. Spartans would love San Francisco. Dude. Like, that's the thing like the most conservative, like, shittiest Greek, whatever, you know, violent, they would love being gay as hell. In fact, if they came, that would be a fun Dude, bring back, go back in time or bring back to Spartans, like all these like return.

Imagine being made love to by something like that? Yeah. I don't know what that, you know? That is, yeah. Maybe it's nice. Maybe it's great. Giant strong, man, just taking you? You would feel secure.

I wouldn't want to get fucked. Personally, I don't think I'd want to get fucked by them, but I, you know, who knows? Who knows? Who knows? I can't, you know. I wonder, I wonder what a Spartan woman looked like. Could I go fuck all the women because they're busy in the barracks? Yeah.

But what are they? So anyway, let's get military historians and also archaeologists. Yeah, we need archaeologists. You know how they do like the recreation of Jesus and he looks like, you know, just every brown guy? Yeah. I would love a recreation of a Spartan woman. Yeah. She's probably busted, but, you know, who knows?

Well, they're probably, you know, we'll find out. Again, let us know, guys. Yeah, we want to know. We've had a huge archie-w-w-women. You can just let us know in the comments. What do you guys think about what we just talked about? What do you guys think about what we just talked about? I think it's time, Maddie,

that we bring some of the wisdom you've acquired over your years on this earth to our fan base. I don't know if you know, we'll take some calls. Are they live calls? No, no, they're voicemails. I was like live calls are cool. No, you can come back for a live call, man.

Next time, you know, I'll come up to the farm. We'll fucking bring all this. We'll do a live call. We do live, those are our special special behind the paywall live call. It gets a little, you know, you never know what happens on a live call. That's on the Patreon. You can't just let that out.

You can't just let that out. What do we got, a little eldest? Hey, Stavi, long time, first time, excited to see you here in San Diego. Hey, Stavi, long time, excited to see you here in San Diego in two weeks. Wow. You'll probably hear this after.

That's so funny that I can tell Elders, went to the top of the calls. Because we never get to a call. I haven't even been... This guy probably just called in, didn't he? Yes. He called in last week. You, you motherfucker, you came in and just took the first 10 calls.

You didn't listen to any of the good ones. Hi, I'm going to San Diego in two weeks. I got something really good happening in San Diego. How did do a broad sweep to call some good ones. Of course. Yeah. Let's see what we got. This after the show here in San Diego.

and maybe air it after my problem has already come and gone. So here's the story. Me and some old co-workers, there's going to be three to five of us, a mixed-gender group. We're all taking a friend group trip to Germany in August. The thing is, I have a crush on one of the friends that I'm going with. And I would like to ask her out. and put some romantic energy between us. But I don't want to do that and have her not be interested in me.

And then all of a sudden on the trip, all the friends, there's like, I've injected weird energy into the group. I'm fine being rejected. So right now, I guess my idea is that I'll just ask towards the tail end of the trip while we're in Germany or I'll ask afterwards. The only thing I guess I'm really worried about is like is there a point where I wait too long and the window closes and, you know, there's no chance of introducing some romantic industry between us. So let me know what you think. Excited to say hello.

Cheers. Okay. This is. This is so nice. It is. Yeah, yeah. It's cute. It is a cute guy.

This guy's a virgin Yeah He does sound I mean I'm sure he's Not in a bad way But yes he is He absolutely has This feels like high school to me

Yeah This feels like You know You have a crush on a girl Over time It's almost like it is It's a co-worker So

And romantic And it's quaint in a way The co-worker thing is You know You know Just call your HR consultant Ask them Yeah

Yeah yeah Yeah I mean look I think the more you stew on something like this, the more you build it up, the more it is getting weirder, the more, and when you're talking about injecting romantic,

whatever, it's like, it's either there or it's not, right? Yeah. And so, I don't know, man. I think like, I mean, this is going to come out probably. Oh, actually, it's going to come out by the end of the mind.

You'll have time, yeah. This is the rare time will actually directly possibly help somebody. Yeah. I think, and not just use their pain for fodder for our podcast. Yeah. For our podcast. Yeah.

I don't know. To me, every time I've been in a situation like this, whatever, the quicker, the better. Yeah. The quicker the better. If you feel, because the quicker, it's just a little hunch. You're like, huh, I kind of like this person. And when you ask someone out with that energy,

it does feel like just a little casual, like, oh, this isn't a big deal. But the more you build it up, the more you're like, oh, fuck, I got to do this, I got to do that. Maybe whatever. It's like, the more. more she'll be able to sense how much it means to you. Whereas like if you just hit it off of the cute girl somewhere and you're like, hey, would you like to go grab a drink or something after work?

Like, and she says no, it's really not a big deal at all. No. The more you build it up and, you know. And also like if you, you know, if you're a coworker, whatever, but it's like if you genuinely like this person and you have zero feelings that, like if you're not aware enough. to see like they aren't interested in you at all in a weird way. Like have you had a moment?

Have you gotten close to each other? Have you had already something? Do you have an inkling that they actually like you in that way? Right. Then if they don't, and he's just being completely naive and he's becoming obsessive. Because like it is, like if there isn't like a, if there is an energy,

then it's just you thinking about this person. Right. And then you begin, like beginning of your trip. at the end of your trip, it'll be the, like, if it doesn't happen on your trip, then it ain't happening. Totally. Like, that's the thing. I'm like, also, like, just be, be cool and have a moment when the moment, how, you can, if you can't construct a way to get this person to have attention in a way that makes them like you more,

try that first. Like, create yourself to be attractive, like, you know, mentally. Like, make them laugh. Make them do with, like, how do they see you? Totally. You know? And it's just like, I don't know. But see the,

wait till the very, wait till you're about to get on the plane and be like, could we go on a day when we get home? Yeah, yeah. We just went to Germany. It was really good. Yeah, yeah.

Like, what's that? That's even weirder. Yeah. I mean, I think that you kind of have two options here where it's like, A, I think if you, if you feel something, you ask someone out in a very casual way,

and then there's no, then you absolutely know where you stand. Yes. She says, she says, no, great. She says, yes, great. great. She says, hey, you know, I like you as a friend. I still like to be friends. But I don't like you that way. Great. Or the other option is kind of like is a higher difficulty thing in my opinion, which is like you're kind of trying to get her, you're sort of slow playing,

trying to create some attraction, trying to like, I'm going to say wear her down, but that sounds way more negative than it is. But it's like, you know, I remember this because this is how I got my first girlfriend, I was a coward who slowly put himself out. You almost microdose asking a girl out when you're like, when you do something like, oh, we have a little moment. I'm funny. I noticed this laugh. I know, whatever. That can work, but the toll it takes on you, I think is too much. And that's why I think like, and also it's a high degree of difficulty being like a Casanova who picks just the right moment. You're so much better off, in my opinion, casually asking her out. and and also being like,

because I also was in a situation where like, I, you know, there was somebody who was like, let's say a colleague. And I was very, I was like, listen,

I like, you know, I've been feeling like, it's, I've had a nice time talking to you. Would you like to, you know, would you like to hang out sometime?

And I got like, yeah, we can hang out. And I had to be like, I want to be very clear. I'm trying to hang out with you in a row. Would you like to go on on a date? Like,

I don't want, like, we can be, and that's when I was even like, we can be, If you're not interested, we can be friends. We can hang out in that way. But I want you to know, I see you in this way.

If you're interested in that. And that was the first time I ever tried, like, almost just super direct. Yeah. And that's worked for me, you know, when I've just been direct like that, it works. Or you just get a, or you just stop thinking about the person. You're like, oh, she doesn't like me. Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll find somebody else. So that, I think, I think that's what you have to do personally. Be very direct, but also casual. just like, hey, I'd love to go grab a drink, whatever, go, like, I'd love to even, like, even more casual night, go get fucking coffee, just hang out outside of work in a first date context. Yeah. And make it very clear, if you're not, if you don't, if you don't understand that, truly no

big deal. I still value as a friend as a coworker and I'm still, you know, looking forward to it. And then, you know, you just live your life that way. Yeah. Maybe you're, yeah, you're literally going on a vacation. And that's the other thing. When I will say, I've also had. situations where I've just asked girls out directly where, like, when I was younger, when I was

first kind of like, oh, let me just ask for what I want. There's been situations where they say no, but I have put myself in their mind as somebody who's a romantic. They could come back. You know what I mean? Like sometimes, and sometimes people do see you as a friend are kind of surprised that you feel that way. Knee jerk reject it. And then think about it. I'm like, hey, I do kind of get, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm not saying count on that. But I'm just. saying you are so much better off in life in general when you're just honest about what you want when you're honest about what you want and clear and communicative you will get it so much more than if you like try and put together a scheme and you're you're fucking googling most romantic

spots in dozeldorf to take her to you know what i mean like schnitzel we're getting a fried ham hawk yeah which snitchel which snitchell is a fucking uh aphrodisiac you know what i mean We're going to drink 400 beers. We're going to drink 400 beers. And then I'll talk to her after that. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Let me get my fucking later hosing on. Yeah.

That's my general advice. Because, you know, it's just, because I've been, I have been in both. And both have worked for me, but I will say it was, I felt a lot better when I just asked the girl out that I like. I think that's nice. You know. But yeah, you need to free yourself because this is cowardice, truly. this is like coming up with the perfect

moment is a lie to yourself because you don't think you are good enough to get this girl so you're trying to build yourself up and kind of present a perfect moment that and you are good enough for who maybe not for her but you're good enough for somebody and the quicker you just fucking ask them the quicker you'll find that person in my opinion

that's nice speaking you know as a reformed as a reformed in cell my youth. I can give you this information. So good luck. I'm rooting for you and listen, maybe you don't date her, maybe you date somebody else. But still, you can have a nice time in Germany either way.

What else we got, Eldis? Oh, fuck. What the hell? Shit, dude. Holy fuck, what's going on? We got it in it! Oh, no, it's time to keep it. That's right. It's the motherfucking ass fucked up question of the week

brought to you by the little fuckers Twisted tea. Wow. The twisted zone? So close to the 4th of July? When I want to jump in the pool and slurp down these delicious 5% by volume, brewed with real iced tea delights? Wow.

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5% per volume just right. Mm, twisted tea is good and also brewed with real ice tea. Keep it twisted. What do we got this week, Elvis? What's the twisted-ass fucked up-up ass motherfucker? question over the week. Hey, stop. Hey, I'll did.

Hey, guess. So I'm calling about my buddy. Oh, what? He found out that his girlfriend, they've been together, I think, like four years. He found out that she was cheating on him, I guess. I don't know if it's cheating. It is, but it isn't.

But she was talking to dudes online, and she had met up with a couple of them. for coffee. Met up. There was supposed to be like a sugar arrangement thing, I guess is what he was saying. Sugar.

So whatever, whatever. Long song, short. This poor cocksucker's parroting back her talking points to his friend. Well, it was coffee and it was going to be a sugar. He's so toast. She's lying to your friend. Although that's the boyfriend? Yeah.

Totally. My buddy. You know, she was saying There was a sugar thing. There was a couple lattes. I don't know. She came home with a new purse. Yeah.

If your girl starts getting her fucking nails done, she's got fucking Lou batons on, brother. There's been an arrangement, but keep going, Elders. Finding one of the dudes that she was talking to, and she was talked up, finding one of the dudes that she was talking to, and he started messaging. him as her

from a second hilarious profile I mean this is getting cucked on a crazy level not is it it's not enough to get cucked in the cuck chair he's got VR goggles

watching his girlfriend get he's pretending to be her and getting fucked by this guy that's fucking insane he's like do you like it the way I suck your dick do you like it man the way he fucked me last night was so tight

That was awesome, right, when we had intercourse outside of my loving relationship? Go ahead. And he said, like, oh, hey, my boyfriend found my old profile, so I had to delete it. Smart. I'm talking to you on this one. I'm catfishing. And he has been getting this dude to send him money. Okay, respect, actually.

Keep it twisted. Your friend is keeping it. it all the way the motherfucker twisted and we respect him for that. Keep going. sets up a different Vemmo. Yeah. Yeah, true. Susie 69. And he is now using that money to take the same girlfriend out on dates and on trips. What? Now I'm pissed. Now I'm pissed off.

$2,500 off this, dude. Respect. Trips for $2,500 bucks? I just like, should I tell him to stop? Like, is it bad that he's doing this? I don't know. He doesn't see an issue with it. He says it's weird.

He doesn't see it. He has to say sexual shit to this dude. Wait, he's sex to him? He's been making a lot of money. Did he say his dick's weird? Does he see dick pics? Thanks off. I don't know.

Did he say it's weird because he's saying sexual stuff? Yes. Yes. I thought he said he's on. He said he's weird. For all we know, he might be looking at this guy's weird cock. Now, here's where I have a problem with it. Taking money from the guy who possibly cuck.

Now, did the guy fuck your girlfriend or not? If they had a potential arrangement and he didn't fuck, now, this is where I get, this is villager brain, right? Yeah. Where I'm like, if he fucked my girl, I'll steal from him. That's honestly how I feel. But where it pisses me off is to then give the money of the girl. Buy yourself a fucking pinball machine.

Dude. You know what I mean? Like, come on. You got cooked. Go to an escape room and just have fun. Take the fellas to pin but the fucking paintball. Yeah. Yeah.

But I also, I'm like, dude, you should actually be like, hey, why don't we start doing this as a team? Ooh, scathing. Be like, this is kind of making me a little kind of horny doing this. Let's just start scamming dudes. You can fuck them a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? I guess that's just pimping.

Yeah, I guess that's, that's e-pimping yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't know. Using your girlfriend as an avatar for online prostitution. That is so crazy.

I guess that happened. I guarantee that that happens a lot. Just straight catfishing and like talking to lonely guys and getting money. Totally. Apparently a lot of Only fans girls, I think, hire people to talk message.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, what is the, ethics of this? I mean, he's keeping it twisted for sure. Oh. He's keeping it all the way twisted. I guess my thing is since we're in a twisted zone where we don't have, because logic here, the untwisted logic is break up with this woman. Yeah. Like she cheated on. It's unhealthy. Whatever's happening is very, yeah. And she's probably lying. Yeah. And this woman has turned to your friend insane, right? Like the

untwisted logic is break up, go to therapy. Think about why you enjoyed catfishing a man as your girlfriend for $2,500 bucks. And then think about why you then brought the money back. How low is this guy's self-esteem? It's love. He is taking money

from a guy who might have fucked his girlfriend to buy his girlfriend stuff. That's how little you believe. Just going to cracker barrel? That would be better. Having pancakes on his dime. I respect more than fucking buying your girl tennis bracelets with it. But I would say in, so the untwisted logic is break up with her, stop doing this. It's immoral. It's

unethical. It's doing something wrong to his psyche. The twisted logic is, Pimp, find out if she fought this guy. If she did, stop giving her his money. Keep it for yourself. Buy, you know. Save up. Save up. And then, yeah, buy, like get another. apartment. Sure. Get a secondary apartment. Then get that person set up a full scandal. A sting operation.

Get the guy to come, get her to come. Machine gun. Right. Full twisted. That would be too twisted. I think murdering them is too twisted. Don't murder. But you could.

Don't murder. And you're just over the line. Okay. I think no murder. No murder. But here's what I think, I think, keep his money. buy yourself an excellent twisted tea party pack for the summer.

It's the only place you could get the new lemonade and rocket pop flavor, which I was drinking when the Knicks won the championship this year. So that's, I would say, save the money, put some of it towards, you know, open an LLC. Use the money to start drop shipping.

Buy a course at Hustlers University. No, just, just like untwisted, break up, go to therapy. Keep it just the right amount of twisted and stop buying her stuff and buy yourself stuff. Man, this guy might be, this guy might be some kind of pay pig who, if he found out, it's a guy pretending. He might even like it more. Yeah. Who knows?

There's some fucking freaks out there, you know? So I would, so those are your two options. Yeah. Keep it twisted. Keep it untwisted. Either way, you and your pals should, you know, go outside on the balcony. and crack open a couple ice cold twisted teas. I think we can all agree on that.

What do you say, Elders? Keep it twisted. That's right. Oh, fuck. Oh, shit. We're exiting the twisted zone. And we're back. I like that.

Yeah, we have pretty high production values here. Thanks, man. That's good. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of CG when it. The people at home don't know, but a lot of CGI went into that. I wasn't even wearing a hat. No.

You put that in in post. Say hi What else we got, LD? Hey, Stavi So getting straight to it Thank you I have a wide set vagina And I'm wondering

Can I have a satisfying sex place With an average-sized dick man And why are you asking me? Now I came to this understanding Because Yeah, us too What? Yeah, maybe me

If me and Maddie put both heartaches In your pussy Maybe Maybe some can work there Maybe It's like when you're out of hot dog buns So you put two hot dogs in the fucking in the hamburger bun Yeah, that's it, that's it

That's true Well, I came to this understanding Because my ex on two separate occasions I told me my pussy was loose Now I've been single for three in a half years And there's a man looking to take me out on a date With the intention of potentially being serious and I'm hesitant because I've had sex with this man before and his dick was average side

and there's nothing wrong with that actually nothing wrong with that however I'm thinking for the both of us I myself want fix that girthy dick to fill up my walls all right chill and I want my partner to feel like his dick's being gripped I never want to hear I have loose pussy ever fucking again from my partner. Sure. And what if things go well? What if we end up in a long-term relationship? Will the two of us feel satisfied?

Will we feel like stepping out of our relationships? Wow. Is the guy who I fucked but might be serious, dick too small for me to ever love him? Is your question. Would I be forced to cheat? in some imagined future because this guy's dick is too small.

This chick and dudes are the same, man. This woman's got great PR. This girl must work in PR or something. Like, she's phrasing these heinous statements very, very, under the guise of dual concern for both of you. I know. She is thinking about both sides.

And I do, you know, I'm shitting on you, as is the thing. But this is actually, it's important to think through all, you know, everything here. I mean, people do under, people do under like value I mean look

sex is whenever you see a couple and you're like how the fuck are they together and it doesn't make any sense they are fucking so good yeah that that can paper over so many problems in a relationship if people fuck good and they have a good sex life

so I get where you're coming from here is there any more eldest am I thinking too narrowly like are there workarounds around this work around you Yeah, put him a condom and put a little lunchmeet on the sides. Fill up a magnum with fucking deli ham. What workarounds do you want?

His dick is his dick. I might have with a man I sleep with him. His dick is not curfee. I don't know. Let me know. Sure. Yeah, I mean, look, do you have, do you want to jump in? Do you have any thoughts?

I have some thoughts as well, but. I just think that you should be, honest with yourself and I'm sure there's a lot of guys that would be very compatible with hogs. Just like big, heavy. What are your brother's up to? Yeah. Maybe they can run a train owner. Yeah, yeah. Called Beeve and Gris.

Yeah. Give Beeve and Gris over here. The fucking, yeah, I don't know. I think it's one of those things where I'm just like, bro, like that, it's just like, I like funny guys. I like, you know, I want a bald guy. I want a fucking, you know, I like a fat guy with a hog. I like a skinny guy with a hog. Sure.

I think the hog needs to be a part of it. The hog is part of it. I think you just need to be like if that's, if your body is set up to a place where like you want to be fulfilled, you need to find a guy that you like personality is second, but I'm sure there is a personality type with a fucking, you know, there's more guys with hogs than not. Sure. Obviously in my mind. I think that's just you. Everyone has one.

I think that's just everyone has one except for me. Every single dude has a hog. Elders's dick is small. Don't worry about that. Okay. Bradley has a hog, for sure. Bradley's hogged up. Yeah, he's fine.

Wow. You see that? You see the, you see the, you know, the quiet confidence of a man with a hog. Yeah, see? We're over here just being like, hog, hog. To them, it's on cooth. Yeah, I know. It's how rich people don't want to talk about money.

No. Guys with big dicks never want to talk about dick size. Politics, money. They don't want to be taxed. They don't want their dick size. Their dick. We need to be, we need to redistribute dick inches. The top 1% of dicks have been holding on

for too long. Look, I think, there's a couple things going on here. Number one, your ex was rude to you, right? Yeah. Telling your girlfriend, her pussy's loose. That's crazy. That is crazy. That is a crazy thing to say.

Telling even a one night stay, even if you encounter someone with, that'd be like if a woman told, said your dick is so tight. It's like, look, men's obsession with like these like tight little vaginas freaks me out. I, you know? Sure, sure. It's all, yeah. I also think, is he even right? Does he even know?

Do you, like, have you just taken this man's word for gospel here? Why do you get some calipers out? Yeah. You know what I mean? Go to the foot locker. Get the thing where you put, you measure your foot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get the calipers out.

If that can fit in your, if that whole thing fits in your pussy, it is big. Also, there's so many ways to pleasure somebody. I don't understand. Like, even like, just straight fucking is like so minimal in fucking. Well, that's the thing. I would say, number one, you have some. You got hands, fingers. fingers, feet,

sure, sure, put a big toe in there. Yeah. I think she has some body image issues about her vagina because of a rude comment

from an ex. That's not nice. I would say number one, medically figure out, literally ask your fucking gynecologist, you know, whatever, figure something out. Figure out if this is even true,

number one. Number two, let's say you do or don't, whatever, is, it's not about a guy with a girthy dick. I think it's about you've already fucked this guy.

You want to go out with him. You know if I think you're looking at it the wrong way. It's like, see if you're compatibility with this guy. It's not about some mythical dick or some mythical future. It's like, are you sexually compatible with this guy? Do you like him? There's nothing wrong with giving it a whirl, even though his shit is fucking small or whatever.

Also just like work it out, find a way. Get a strap on, do something. Like fucking, I think there's a lot of things that you can do. Well, she might... Take a rhino 24K. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Just boost it up. I know.

Depending on who the sponsors are for this episode, go to that site and get a tablet and use promo code Stavi. We don't... We're not sure who it is if it is anybody this, but you know, you know what I'm talking about. But you've realized that, because there's also... You've made a great point about there's other stuff. And I've been with, I've been with girls who, like,

they penetrate of intercourse of their thing. Other ones, like, they like getting eaten out, you know, finger popped, whatever, you might just be someone that needs to get pounded. That's okay. That's okay. The reality is you have to be honest with yourself, right? Don't worry about what we have to say.

You have to be honest. What do you really like? And by the way, you might, this guy might just not be laying it down. You might find someone with, for whatever reason, you know, hormonal pheromones, whatever the fuck. Maybe he knows out of what finger, whatever the fuck. Maybe his shit is small but shaped just right. You might find someone that's, you know, so I think.

Just, I don't think, what's the use in making a blanket statement, I guess, point? Yeah. When all it comes down to is an individual person, you know, I guess she's already fucked him. Go out on a date, see if you like him, see if the sex is good. You know, if it is great, if it's not, break up and keep looking. But you need to be, don't ask us. We don't fucking know. We don't have your big pussy.

You do. You tell us what that fucking, what that monster needs. We can't tell you. So that's that that is my, but there's nothing wrong with, I think she's basically looking for permission from someone with a little dick to be like, go fuck a guy with the big dick. Because you know what? We don't, that would actually, I would appreciate that if,

if the big pussyed and the big cocked went somewhere to go. Yeah, they're over there. They're over there. You leave us with the little pussy ladies at like a nice five, five and some change. There's somebody for everybody. Yeah. There's, you know, there's a doorknob for every hand. Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

You know? So you have permission from us to be a size queen if that's what you were looking for. Yeah. Whatever makes you happy. But also, don't discount someone solely on cock size. That's cock size discrimination. If you like somebody and you're vibing, give it a whirl. If it doesn't work, move on.

That's all I'm saying. Yeah. But, you know. And don't comment. Like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't let him know his dick's tiny.

Don't tell him his shit's puny. when he's fucking you. Yeah. Or just, yeah. He's moving side. He's fucking like circular. Hit the walls. Yeah.

He's like a guy who can't ice skate. He's just sticking to the rim. Holding on to the walls. Yeah. Oh, fuck. You know? Sometimes I think I should have written poetry, you know? Yeah, I think so.

I think it's very good. The ice rink about some girl with a huge pussy. Give us another one, little LD Hey Stavv, eldest guest Big fan So I am a Streamer on Twitch and TikTok Small Time streamer

I play mainly Indie horror games, scary games, shit like that Nice And I'll get anywhere I average anywhere from like 10 to 30 people watching normally. Honestly not bad for stream. But about once a month

I will go full cosplay of a certain political figure, current political figure that is pretty easy to impersonate. Oh no, that was scary. He's doing the shittiest trip you've ever heard in your life and reacting to zombies.

A two to three hour stream and character and everything. And when I do that, I notice I get anywhere from like 100 people watching to 1,200 people watching. You don't want to be this fucking guy. Fair amount of followers from that. And so I guess my predicament is, you know, I'm kind of wondering, do I keep doing those streams as this political figure? that gets me a solid amount of followers every time I do it. But I only get, you know, two to three people that will come to my normal streams, you know.

So what's the point? Is it worth it to keep doing that and still get, you know, a few people that trickle into the normal streams? Or do I stick to my normal streams and just try to get a loyal fan-based? from that, I guess. I don't necessarily want to be known as the guy who dresses up as the character. This guy has to fucking so bad, like laughing.

I know. I'm just like, this bro's dying over here. Be like, I need to call Stavi. I got about 10 guys watching me. If I do Trump, I get about 100 to 1,200. Yeah, yeah. Do I keep doing this?

Dude, it's like, it's... We're cooked. Yeah, and he has to do, it's like, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're, if you're like a, a woman, you have to do sex work. If you're a man, you have to fucking pretend to be Donald Trump and play fucking resident evil to make money. It's crazy. Truly, we're so, this is insane. But look, here's my advice to you generally. Like, you don't have to, look, you don't want to be the guy who fucking does Trump, you know, whatever, right?

Like, none of that, you said it yourself. one or two people tops come to your actual streams. I knew a comedian who was like had some heat during the first Trump administration and I happened to be doing a gig with him like when Biden was elected

I think. And people were coming up to them and they were like, huh, it's been fun following you, man. Like it was like, you're the Trump guy to us. That's all you'll ever be to these people, right? And the guy was a talented comic, he was an interesting guy, you know, whatever.

But when you paint yourself into, and by the way, it's not just, obviously Trump's a piece of shit and he's a fight, you know, he should be in jail and we fucking hate him on this podcast. But that's not even what we're talking, and a pedophile, by the way, he's best friends with Epstein, you know, a lot of cool stuff, light work. You know, a lot of cool stuff.

And, but it's not even that. It's like, you see it all the time with, I mean, art and entertainment in general right now where people try a bunch of different things on TikTok or whatever. And then they have like, you know, they'll do like a character. It's like, The horny lunch lady.

And that goes viral. And then every fucking video from then on is like, oh, these sloppy joes are making my pussy wet. You don't want to fucking be the guy who orders hairnets for the rest of his life because the algorithm told you it was good. That's the antithesis of art. We're all fucked. I've gone through it.

I mean, I stop. You know how many people, if I could be, I could be doing Baltimore fucking Ronnie. Like those videos, those, I do these Ravens videos. and I've had to stop doing them because that's all certain people. That's all they know me about. And I did them because I love the Ravens and I love making fun of where I'm from.

And when there's... And I'm not going to do them regularly anymore. Maybe I'll do them in the playoffs. Maybe I'll do them whatever. But it's just like, if I did that and I kept... And I stopped posting crowdwork clips for that reason. The algorithm loved it,

but I felt like, you know, it helped me get my first special out there and helped me build the following. But I did what I needed to do with that. And I don't want people to know me just from crowdwork. So it's like, I've stopped. And yeah, my social media following did slow down because I've been working on art I actually give a fuck about.

But it's like, I don't want to be seen as that guy. And I don't, and you don't want to be seen as that guy either. Now, do your current stream suck dick and only get 10 people? Sure, probably. Can you be doing other stuff? Yeah, but why did you stop innovating? Because I'm sure he randomly did Trump one time and it went crazy and this exact same fucking thing happened.

Cosplay is somebody else. Do different shit. Do characters. you wouldn't be embarrassed to make your life's live, you know, your life about. And so. Be a character from the game or something. Yeah, do something. Or be a dinosaur.

Yeah, do something. I'm not telling you to stop being creative, but you need to find the sweet spot is something that fulfills you artistically and draws eyeballs. Unfortunately, we all have to, one thing about how our culture is degraded is we all have to be our own advertisers. We all have to do like, we have to do marketing as much as we have to do whatever the thing we love is, right? And that sucks to some degree. It would be nice to just be able to get good at something and there be an infrastructure for being rewarded for being the best at a thing or

very good at a thing. That doesn't exist. So you're going to have to do a little bit of both, right? You're going to have to find something marketable that also doesn't make you want to kill yourself. And hearing you describe it, you hear the dread in this man's place. There's a lot of dread. There's a lot of dread because he's so deathly afraid to go back down to 10. And viewers. He's like, but also like, why do you like people watching?

Shouldn't the video games be, like maybe just Twitch isn't for you, just play video games. Yeah. Maybe. I mean, look, but even if he wants to do it. Yeah. I guess what I'm saying,

what I'm telling him is like, just try something, like, oh, don't, the thing that gets you the most attention is not the best thing. Yes. That has, something happened in our fucking

society in the last 20 years where people just think all I want to do is I want to be famous, I want to be popular, I want to be rich. Not I want to be good at something or and look, you will have to you will have to do some things that get eyeballs in a, I'm not going to say cheap but in an accessible way, right? But like, why don't you try and do stuff that are, is both? You know what I'm saying? I guess that's what I'm telling him. It's like you don't want to be the guy because now you're not creative anymore. You're just you're the algorithms bitch.

The algorithm tells you what's good and you suck its cock when and it says good boy. That feels good. Go put on that orange face paint and that shitty blonde wig you fucking piece of shit. You want $1,200? Put on the fucking wig, pussy. And you're like, yes sir, whatever you say. I had these ideas

I cared about but I'm going to fucking throw them in the garbage so I can, you know, talk about I don't even fucking know anymore. Like that's the thing. Trump isn't even fun to do anymore. No. He's not even the like weird. He's not energetic. He's fucking, he's shitting himself and taking naps at Knicks games.

Like he's, it's done. It's not even, like, you're being hack and pathetic. And you don't even like doing it. Just keep at it. I'm not telling you to quit, but keep applying the creativity to other shit. Or sell out, be the fucking

the Trump guy who does jump scares. I don't know what the fucking tell you. I wouldn't respect that. And again, it's not even about Trump. If you were just the guy who does one gimmick over and over again, I wouldn't necessarily respect that. I don't think that's helping you find your voice as a streamer. The fact that we can even say that,

I mean, even pretending streaming as art is brutal, but hey, I'm podcasting right now. I think it's amazing how earnest you are. I think you're giving really good information. Yeah, I'm impressed. Yeah. Sometimes I just shit like this. It's just like it pisses me off.

I do feel the way about all these algorithms. It's like, Yeah. They've completely flattened creativity. And it's like everyone, I even feel embarrassed like, like censoring words so that it gets picked up in the algorithm. But it's like, you just kind of- My entire YouTube.

Like I'm like, you can't swear in the first like 12 seconds. I was like, well, I'm already fucked. Like I was like never worried about that stuff. Yeah. And I'm happy that I never was. Totally. Totally. It's just like, it is scary that people, even at that level, are so worried

about that. That's a great point. It is like a thing with like nobody watching and that's what they're thinking about. Right. How do they even know about that stuff? And that that's the thing is like the algorithm has made, you know, talking about the algorithm as this thing. Totally. But it is like controlling the nobody. Totally. Totally. There's probably thousands of people that are doing that. No, that's a great point. It is, that's the scariest thing. Is this like, bro, like break free. Totally. Break free. Go. Yeah. That's such a good point when you start is when you're supposed to be out of pocket. Imagine how much Dick Comtown would have sucked if we had to...

Do you imagine Comtown censoring things? And if we cared about the algorithm? The only reason that show even worked is because we really did not think we had anything to lose. We were just being... And by the way, there's nothing wrong with, like, starting somewhere and then, like, we're saying, you can be a cocaine addict who then ends up in a farm. You know what I mean?

Like, it's fine to be fucking wild, but it's like, yeah, you're right. This is zapping, like, that initial fun, creativity. of being wild and reckless. We started before. True. You know, like, that is the thing. It's just like,

I was making stuff before. I didn't know. We never, I never heard the word content. Or like, I never heard, like, content is like this crazy thing. When you hear 17 year olds talk about,

I want to be a, I want to make content. It's like, what do you want to make you, motherfucker? Yeah. That's just your body count videos. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, what are you, what are your thought daughter? That's why, that's why your parents emigrated to this fucking, you know, country. It is so crazy.

You know, They, mine immigrated so I could do fucking, immigrated so I can do fucking podcast. So who fucking knows. But yeah. There you go, bud. Don't fuck. You know, you don't want to be this guy.

No. Be a different guy. You're better than that. You are. Also, yeah. I feel like we need to say like there is a, there's, there's,

you know, hotlines you can call if you need help. Yeah. Reach out to somebody. Reach out to somebody. Absolutely. We believe in you though. Maybe.

I don't know. You might be bad. I don't fucking know. But everyone's bad when they start out, though. just keep trying different shit that doesn't embarrass you. And also you don't want to be playing that fan base. Like you want those types of people watching you?

Maybe you are one of those guys, but it sounds like you're not. Sounds like you're not. But that's the thing. I'm like, yo, you don't want that crowd. It's either those guys or it's guys that are like, yeah, Trump's bad. And it's like, those are both like, you know, although the MSNBC moms, they've ended up being right about everything. Tadletales, they were actually so right. It's fucking crazy and it sucks.

How about something fun to go out on Little LD? How about a little update? You remember that oil rig worker who was afraid he got four strippers pregnant on a Patreon? And he called in before with another update saying that only three of the kids were his. Well, here's a new update after that. Okay, okay. It's kind of a three-partner. Yeah, we've had quite the odyssey with this guy.

Yeah. And also another fun element was like some of the... of his baby moms were racist. Yeah. One was white. One of his kids was mixed-raced. And one of them didn't want his children to play with each. Like, he impregnated like Nazi strippers as well.

Anyway, this guy's, he is pretty awesome. That's kind of some updates on all aspects. Great, great, great, great. Yo, what's her, stop here? You know what it is? I'm finally checking in for the last time. This is your oil rig friend of yours. Excellent.

Got the four sex workers pregnant. So long story. short, all of the kids were actually mine. Hilarious. All the DNA checked out. Maddie shit. Only one of the women got me on child support. The other three, they basically are like, yeah, we're going to co-parent.

Everyone was asking about the racist fiancé. Yeah, me or her is done. She's actually in jail for a cocaine charge, but we can let that slide. So I've got custody of both kids from her. Oh, yeah, dude. I'm in all my kids' lives. Hell yeah. Yeah, shit's going good.

I'm just checking in. Funny, there's the funny part. The motherfucker bitch tried to tell me it wasn't mine, fucked around, because she got mad, fucked around, and it was. So she's sitting here looking retarded. But anyway, yeah, man. Money good.

Dude, I got her ass. That kid's mine. You have four kids that are the same age, but she's the one who looks fucking dumb. That's so crazy. Life is good. Kids are mine. Healthy, happy.

I'm out here making money. Good for you. We're about to go back out to the golf here in a little bit. So I'm about to be on the rig for a little bit making money. Life is fucking awesome. Good for you, man. Love you, Stavi. But everyone wanted to know about the racist fiancé, that bitch is kicked rocks.

I was done with that shit. Good. But anyway, love you, bro. We love you, man. Can we send this guy? some fucking t-shirts for his children. Text him out of this. Let him know.

We've got a merch bundle for his children. Six babies. Dude, that's that guy's kind of tight. He's the man. You want to talk about glass half full. He's like, my life's sick. I got all these kids.

I'm going out to the rig. Making money. Yo, that racist chick, she's in jail. She got caught slipping on this cocaine charge. It's all right. That's fucking awesome. This guy's the fucking man. She's part of the Aryan sisterhood in jail.

She's fine. Oh, man. I'm happy for you, man. I'm happy that you're happy to have all these kids in your life. Dude, he needs to come on. I know. Honestly, have we do.

Have we ever called him live or no? No, we haven't. Fuck, I'd love to get him on a live call. I just physically with the children. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But truly text him or something, Eldis and let him know we got a merch bundle for his brood.

Yeah, we'll send a packet. Yeah, that's nice. That's beautiful, man. And that's a beautiful thing to go out. That's like, that's America. That's aspirational. Yeah. Like that is,

that's good. I want to get there, dude. I want to get there, for real. I would love that. My mom even has kind of given, she's just like, because now that there's one grandkid,

she's greedy, she wants another. Yeah. And she's just like, I was like, so you wouldn't even care if I, she was like, what if I don't know.

I don't know if I need, do I want me to be married? She's like, who cares about that? Like now she wants a grand kid so bad. She's, she would be thrilled if I pop up.

Yeah. We're like, mom. Hey, we got a couple sex workers. I got 16 kids at a crazy weekend.

You have no idea. I gave you the gift of 16 beautiful, multicultural children. We've got a beautiful, all different beigees of,

yeah. I'm going to be on the road a lot. I got to work a lot. I've got to get on the rig. Yeah. I mean, truly, what is a stand-up tour

if not kind of being on the rig? Dude. You leave your loved the ones to go make money. Me and this guy are not that different. I just haven't busted inside the sex workers. That's our big, our big difference is raw dogging them. But respect to you, man.

We love you. This is a modern. Now, this is modern family right now. This is the modern family. Don't take shame. We can't shame. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you had one of the, I love how modern family was two of them were gay and one was a

trophy wife. It's like big fuck. This is a fucking. No, this is exactly what America needs. This is the real story that can save America. This is the story that can save me. A guy like this being anti-racist. Yeah.

He's the median American actually. Yeah. A dirtbag who actually isn't racist but appears racist. Yeah. Which, you know, you could argue both of us are the same thing. Maddie, dude, thank you so much. Love you. This is so huge.

Come back anytime. And yeah, we'd love to have you back. Hey, anytime. I'm going to come up if you're ever, I also just fucking love Toronto truly. Dude, it's a great city. I want to come. I might be up there in the summer. I don't know.

But anytime in New York hit us up. And yeah, go, the new season of the bear is out. Go check that out. Toy Story, this motherfucker's in Toy Story. That's fucking hilarious. Watch Tom Hanks save him with his voice. And yeah, we'll catch you guys next week. Bye-bye.