Stavvy's World - #188 - Jimmy Tatro

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

Jimmy Tatro joins the pod to discuss his new show “The Hawk” (out on Netflix on July 16th), the Stavvy’s World hotline brought to you by Visible, how he’s been on every single streaming platform, the precious billboard real estate in Roku City, a beautiful Obese Aquatics league, when a coach put him in the game at the absolute worst time, and much more. Jimmy and Stav help callers including a woman who’s wondering if her husband and her should sacrifice their incredible work-life balance to progress in their careers, and a 21-year-old who wants to know if he has a chance at pulling the hottest MILF in town.   Watch "The Hawk" on Netflix on July 16th: https://www.netflix.com/title/81695311   Follow Jimmy Tatro on social media: https://www.youtube.com/@LifeAccordingToJimmy   https://www.instagram.com/jimmy/ https://x.com/JimmyTatro   Thank you to our sponsor! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW!   ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Folks, we have a great episode with Jimmy Taitro, hilarious guy. I've been a big fan for a while. We're pumped to have him on. But before that, we want to let you know, the special is finally happening again. Cross your fingers. I'm not riding any scooters from now until then. On July 18th and 19th in Baltimore, four shows at the lyric. Saturday 7.18, there is a 7 p.m. and a 9.30 p.m.

Same thing on Sunday, 7 p.m. and a 9.30 p.m. I'll be honest with you. We switched it from a Friday Saturday to a Saturday Sunday. I didn't think about the fact that people wouldn't want to go to a Sunday late show. So the Sunday late, the others have almost sold out, the Sunday late show we could use. Come on, I know we got some scumbags in Baltimore that have nothing better to do on a Sunday. Buy your tickets. We're so close to selling out four shows.

I can't wait to, I can't wait to finally record this. It's going to be so fun. I love this hour so much. It's going to be a blast. Please buy your tickets if you haven't already. and then if you're in New Jersey or Long Island, the weekend before on the 10th and the 11th, this coming week, I am going to be a Monclair, New Jersey at the Wellmont Theater,

and at the Paramount. I think those are pretty close selling out, but buy your tickets. That'll be the last time, fingers crossed, that I do that hour before I record it. So in the meantime, enjoy our pal Jimmy Taito and enjoy the inaugural episode of the visible. Sponsored Stavi Hotline.

Upah! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 904-800 stop. Called the Stavvy's World Hotline, presented by Vissible. That's right, folks. New sponsor. Visible is now sponsoring the Stavis World Hotline. All your advice, that's made possible. Me hearing the advice, that's made possible by our friends of Visible. So really consider Visible if you're looking for some excellent wireless service.

Jimmy, does it feel good being here? for the inaugural visible, the inaugural Stavvy's World hotline presented by Visible? 100%. Does that feel good? Yeah. We waited to have you. We got our boy Jimmy Taitro here. Thanks for, dude, big fan.

So happy. So happy you're doing the show. Yeah. We really saved that honor for you. Thank you. I know you're a big visible guy. You wouldn't shut up about it. I can't get enough of the stuff.

Yeah. You buy extra phones. Oh, man. Yeah. That you don't even turn on. Just because you love the show is so much. I really, I really appreciate you. Uh.

Seriously, it means a lot. Honestly, I didn't know. I didn't know he was going to do this. I know, man. It was a surprise, but you know, you deserve it, bro. You deserve it. We weren't going to have a non-visible fan being here on the first episode of them being a presenting sponsor

of the style of the hotline. Otherwise, I'd be confused. You'd be so mad. Yeah, I'd be pissed. You'd cancel when you see it, when you saw it air. Yeah, thanks for being here, dude. I've been a big fan. And obviously, I love seeing anyone who escapes the sewer of the internet.

You know, like, you know, and you, I lucked into podcasting weirdly. But you were a fucking, you were like on you, you were really doing it, bro. You were, you were on YouTube. The Real Bros. Simi Valley, one of the most legendary pieces of online content there is, bro. So funny. And it's very, I love seeing anybody kind of like, you know. Make it off the tube.

Make it out, dude. Make it out of the tube. make it out of the tube. Although now I think we're going back. It seems to be the best place to put shit now. It's infuriating to see me. I've been, the amount of articles I've seen in the last like three weeks

that are like YouTube's the new TV. And I was like, dude, I was saying that. I was trying to say this 10 years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you guys are like, no, no, no. It's not the new TV. And then, like, I finally get off the tube. Fully off.

And then all the people that I was trying to convince were like, yo. YouTube's actually pretty interesting. Have you ever heard of YouTube? I fucking told you this literally 15 years ago. Yeah, yeah. It is very funny. It does feel like as they're letting us be in movies, now like famous people have podcasts and YouTube channels.

Yeah. It's almost like they're like, once they let us in, they're like, all right, we can't be around. on these type of guys. We need our own podcast. We need our own YouTube channels. Oh, we're headed to YouTube now. We're all.

Oh, you guys are still... Oh, you guys are movies? Oh, you still want to do... Movies aren't good anymore. We gotta get out of here. You still want to do TV and movies? Oh, no. Yeah, dude, but you know what?

I love it because it is... It's kind of awesome to just have your own shit and then you can do whatever you want. Yeah. When you have your own, like, you know, especially, dude, a pot is a hilarious like ATM machine. Thank you to everybody who is filling their empty lives.

ATM machine. With our conversation and allowing us to make money off just idle conversation and chit-chat. Yeah. We love you for that, folks. It's a good way to just like the output of it is nice. Yeah. And then I think once you get caught up in like the way that you have to make things, it gets frustrating because things just takes so much time.

Totally. And it used to be like you have an idea. Yeah. Just go executed. That afternoon. That afternoon. And it's out in a day. Yeah. And that freedom, it's nice.

And it also takes some getting used to not being able to, you know, make things that way. Of course. We're like, we've been waiting for a response. I'm in a trailer. I'm in a trailer just waiting. Or even even getting them. Yeah. Just like, you know, when you're like going through the process of like developing stuff.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. We'll get back to you. Which thing you shit you're working on right now? Because obviously I love the real Bros. Simi Valley. The movie was fucking hilarious. And you've also been on maybe every platform possible.

Like you were literally on Facebook TV. Yeah. Yeah, I tried to check. That shows so funny because I tried to watch it like two years ago. And it was like, well, three episodes are on YouTube. Four are on Facebook TV. Tubey's got one running in an ad. If you watch, if you watch an old episode of Golden Girls,

if season three, episode four, the third ad break will be a full episode of Real Bros of Simi Valley. That feels like... It's funny because the show, the show, like it started originally as a miniseries on my YouTube channel. And then that did well.

And Facebook was making a push to like, you know, have like a Netflix type of... Everybody was trying to become like a stream. And they put like real money into making shows for a while and we were part of like, you know, their legit group of shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then we did two seasons.

It did really well on Facebook. And then they were like, wait, why are we, why are we trying to make shows? Why are we trying to make art? And they were like, let's just go back to being Facebook. Yeah, why are we trying to improve the human experience with art? What are we bringing laughter into the world? We should be stealing people's data.

That's how we need to be making money, not funding the arts. So they're like, that was weird. Sorry about that. I don't know why we tried to dabble in. in the arts. Sorry, that was a waste of money. Now, please check out the Metaverse. Yeah.

You fucking dumbasses. So then they left that kind of just like ended. Yeah. And then Roku picked it up for the movie. Moved into Roku City. Yeah. You rented some space of Roku City. A little billboard in Roku City for a second.

The way they talk about it, they're like, you know, when the show comes out, we're going to get you guys. We're going to get you guys a spot in Roku City. And I'm like, well, yeah, I would hope so. It's a real cool original movie. They're like, we think we can get 48 hours. And immediately I'm like, that's good? 48 hours of like.

I feel like that's like bare minimum. Like, that's a... Do you have other shows we're competing against? Is it free for you to? Can you just like... That's awesome, dude. But yeah, so the show existed on YouTube, Facebook. And Roku.

Hell yeah, dude. But what I like the most about that show was it was like a mini series. And then when we did season two on Facebook, it was like 12 to 15 minutes. Yeah, yeah. So it upgraded a lot in terms of production and everything. And then season three was like a full length, 22 minute, half hour comedy show. And then we did a movie. Yeah.

So I was like it had every version of what something can be. That's awesome though, too, because it's like a lot of this shit. and it was like your first thing that you were saying earlier, like, let's just go make it. And you did get to just kind of learn every step of the process, which is, you know, that's pretty fun. Yeah. I mean, I'm grateful for it now.

Of course. At the time, I was like just looking to make fucking five seasons of this. Someone just stopped digging me around. We'll make a bunch of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, you know, good, I mean, you really are very, and I feel this way, I feel like you're very talented at playing like truly dumb asses.

American vandal or it was incredible dude like the way you're able to like to take the light out of your eyes like right now you're a lively man you know with a full with hopes and dreams and when the cameras roll you could just turn that off and just be like what's up dude you know what I mean that's that's a real talent you have you're saying some really nice things

I mean this is that's a deep compliment as a guy who's they bring in to be a bully or a horny idiot. I love, again, that is what they bring us in for, right? Yeah. They want, they want like a certain kind of, they're like, yeah, we could get these guys to be dumb.

It's like, it's always the, uh, they're like, he's dumb, but he means well. Yeah, yes, yes, yes. You can really make that dumb guy like, you can give them some heart. I'm serious where you play that with complexity, where it would be really easy to just be a one-note idiot. And it is, you're really, you're, fuck, you're great at that, for real.

Because, you know, they don't think they're idiots no dude they don't think they're funny no no no they really don't so that's like the funniest thing is like these people they're not actually like I'm a funny character they're just like that's just who they are of course so the more serious you are about it the funnier it is well they don't have any introspection no so it's like everything that like there's no step between immediate impulsive thought and doing something or saying something or saying something. Yeah.

And that's a, I don't know, there's a real beauty in that. I really envy sometimes just like a total lack of awareness. Yeah, dude. Like, you know when you hear stories about someone and you're like, damn, it really takes a complete and utter lack of self-awareness to have that kind of story about it. Of course. He just went in there and demanded a race. He's been there for like a month.

And he got it because the boss respected his hutspa. Yeah. It's like, what the fuck? I've been working quietly like a fucking asshole for years. Yeah. I'm like, man, I wish, you know, you hear these stories. I'm like, I don't think there's any stories that are that crazy about me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where they're like, oh, yeah, that guy unsaid. He was crazy. He did this, this and this. I'm like, man, I wish I had like one of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You wish your one PA got scalding hot teeth thrown in their face. Yeah, yeah. Something like that.

Just one. Just one. And it's a rich guy's kid who hasn't had. And you're actually helping him, right? Because like a lot of these NEPOPAs, you know, they've never faced any consequences. So it would be good for you to ask. backed out and it would be good for them to finally have something to write about on a college admissions essay. You want to know the most annoying I've felt about something I was irritated about?

Yes. There was a PA and this, I even hate that I'm even saying this. Of course. There was a PA that would knock so loud. Yeah. That's the kind that you can't be like, hey, could you turn that down 30%? And I'm like, I don't have the heart to like open the door. and go, could you tone it down?

Like, I'm right here. No, you're right. It's not that big of a room. That's a tough one too. And also the couch is right here. So when you're knocking, it's, you know, it's bang, bang, bang. And I just like, every time I sit there chilling and then it's all. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I never had the heart to be like, please turn that down. Hey, could you knock less loud? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a really, it's a reasonable in a vacuum. it's a very reasonable ask. But imagine that conversation. It's like, yeah, Tatea asked me to turn it down exactly 15%.

On the knock. And if it was more or less, he'd have me fucking fired. If I didn't figure out how to get. Maybe as I'm saying this, in the wake of our last conversation, I'm like, maybe that should have been my, that could have been my thing. That could have been good. You could be like, and play it dumb, too. But, bro, that's too loud.

Too loud. If you act like an idiot, oh, that's how you get to work. Yeah. Because like, oh, he's a sweet guy. I did, I did act. The furthest of I went, one time I acted like really thrown off. Like, you used this as an acting exercise. Yeah, I just like, I opened it.

I opened the door like, like, like, is everything okay? Like, I opened it like, hello? And she was like, they're ready for you. And I was like, oh. Oh, I thought someone had died. Yeah. I thought there was a, I thought they hit a third tower. I thought like, I thought there was a real problem.

Yeah, dude. I thought like the cops were here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they, like, found something and I was busted. I know. My favorite shit is, like, it is funny to go from having absolutely nothing and seeing how they really, like, truly, you see why actors become insane. Yeah.

Because they just have, like, two, like, you know, two people assigned to their every whim. To the point where I'm just like, bro, you don't have to, they'll, like, try and hold an umbrella over your head. And it's like, I can hold my umbrella, dog. I'm not going to fucking lash out of you. I'm not sure. I'm not like a guy who's going to put out cigarettes on your forehead for pissing me off. Yeah. But it seems like it is funny how much they used to get away with, whereas now it's like when you come from like, oh, I just have a camera on me and my friends.

It's like, you don't need any of this shit. No. But at the same time. But at the same time. Am I mad somebody brings some fucking steak to my trailer at lunch? Am I mad when I'm sitting there in the sun and someone's like. Yeah. A little fan.

Sorry. I'm sorry. I mean a little fan. That's the most I feel like a baby. Oh, the fan? Dude, and like hair and makeup. Like, truly, this is, it's so funny to go from, again, doing shit on your own to, like, you just have, like, the nicest women of all time and, like, the nicest women and, like,

coolest gay guys of all time just primping your hair. Like, there'll be, like, four people. And I look like shit. That's the other thing. They bring me in a movie to be the fat guy, right? It's not like, you know, I'm on a movie with Glenn Powell. Yeah, primp up Glenn. They're putting makeup.

You're like, you're ruining it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not the look. But it's so funny to just be fat as shit and just have somebody like, like dabbing your forehead oil. It's like, I don't need this, man. I was on the phone with one of my buddies from college, and I was like, I'm so glad he can't see what I'm doing.

Because while we're on the phone, I'm like, I get a knock. And then they're like, they're ready for you. And I'm like, okay, cool. So I'm walking and talking. And I'm being, you know, escorted by the PA into the room. I get to said, someone takes my jacket off. Someone puts my other jacket on.

And then there's, and then they're putting the, Hair and makeup, there's three people around me, and I'm just talking to him. And I'm like, thank God, he can't see this. Of course. I'd be getting a whole lot of judgment. 100%. And I broke my arm so literally, like, when I was working on a movie, and literally, not only were people like helping with hair and makeup, but like, they were dressing me like a fat,

like a giant baby. Like, I was just like, I was just, like, I was just waiting. Because they were trying to hide it? I couldn't hold. I just couldn't dress myself. I couldn't use my left arm at the time. But like, were they hiding it in the show? They were hiding it a little bit, but it was mostly just I physically could not

get my clothing on. I was that like momentarily disabled. So it was just like, I felt like a giant baby. It was like, okay, buddy, we're gonna put your suspenders on now. I was like,

I don't want the suspenders. Get me the belt! You know? And it was just, it's the most pathetic you fucking feel. And then for what? To just go up there and like, be like,

just riff? That's what all this is for? I had one of those in a, in an Ironman costume. I did a show called Home Economics. Hell yeah. And we were always doing like holiday episodes. It felt like a network show.

It felt like we were just moving from like Halloween to Thanksgiving to Christmas to New Year's to Valentine's Day. I love, I miss that when it comes to how TV is made now. It was awesome when there was like, they had 30 fucking episodes. By the way, it was cool when 12 episodes sucked dick. I liked when shows just phoned it in half the time. Because it's like, look, because they were,

Network TV was what podcasting was where it was like, just fucking throw some bullshit. in the background. You know what I mean? And every once in a while there's a good one. We did 22 season two. Wow. And like that was a lot.

Yeah. But there was the episode was I like had this legit. My character was super rich and my brother wasn't. So he had like a shitty Iron Man costume. And I had like I had like a legit. Yeah. But it was you can't put that thing on yourself. So I had literally four people.

I had to get there like an hour early and stand there in this little like red onesie. Like you know those green. guys, the green onesies? It was like that but red. And I would stand there like this in the morning. And then it was like these big things on my fingers. So I couldn't use my hands. And I had to be like coffee.

And someone would come over with a little straw. And I also couldn't sit down. Yeah. Because they were worried it would break. So they had crutches for me. And I would just lean. Damn. They just had a little thing for me to lean on.

Yeah. And then one time they laid me down. and I had to just, I was like, I had to know, like, Applebox. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just was like, I just couldn't move. They're like, are you all right? I'm like, yeah, yeah, I'm just resting.

Yeah, I'm good. Like, have you heard, like, the grit, when Jim Carrey did the Grinch and they literally had to teach him, I was reading it, they did, they just put out some like, like oral history of it. And they literally brought in a guy who trained like green berets or CIA guys with anti-torture techniques. So he was just in.

there like like as if he was getting water but he had to he had the same training that people getting water burdened had he was saying it sucked that much but it makes sense because you're in there for like seven hours yeah and also you probably get a little imagine first thing you wake up like it sucks to put makeup on in the morning when you're like my face isn't even awake yet and you're covering it dude yeah this first time i've worn makeup and i'm like women do this every day every day it's crazy but then like imagine i don't know the grinch makeup yeah dude i I feel like I'd be claustrophobic in there. Like, if you're sitting in there and it's all hairy and you're just like,

it's getting in your mouth. Oh, yeah, you don't want that. Who knows what that's made of? Who knows what that? Those are synthetic fibers for sure. Did you, were you like a theater kid? Like, what did you, like, as a kid were you at, what were you, what were you, what were you, like, up to?

You're more of a jock? I was more jocky. Yeah. But I, I made videos. Like, I've always made videos. Yeah. That was just kind of like I got a video camera when I was like my, my parents had a video camera and I would, and I would like make skate videos. And that was kind of my entry to filmmaking.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. With skate videos. Because also skate videos back then were like funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I would like. The CKY school of skate videos. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. The proto jackass school. Yeah, because jackass did come out of skate videos. Yeah, so I would see those. And then I kind of would do like, we'd. do our skating stuff and then do like a little sketch, like a little comedy sketch. And then I was also,

I kind of learned how to edit a little bit, even though I didn't have an editing program because I would just like, I had a boom box and I would hit play and record at the same time. And then, but the funny part is I couldn't, I wasn't editing it so we'd shoot all the bales at the end. You know, keep in mind I'm like nine.

Of course. But like, we're talking obviously. We're like, all right, time for the bales portion. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it would just be us fake falling. You know, for the bales. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then it would like be intercut with little sketches. The tricks are so easy you can't fail. You're like, all right, let's pretend we did. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just like some of them were obvious. Some of them were obvious. Some of them weren't.

Yeah. But that was like how I started making like sketches. And once I got to high school, I took a TV production class, learned how to edit. Gotcha. And then that was where I really started making videos for fun. And then in college, I started. the YouTube channel. Well, how good were you at skating?

What was the best thing you ever fucking pulled off? I could like tray flip. Okay, and that's not bad. But I... Yeah. The crowd loves it, dude. Yeah, man. This man could fucking tray flip.

Pretty much. Elders, I remember you had a brief attempt at skating. Yes, I was... I really wanted to be good at skating, but I was always a bit o-fish, a bit. I can't imagine a worse body type for skating than your body. Absolutely. That's a tough thing to realize.

So there's some things you're just not built for. It's just not going to happen. And I've always been, you know, a little stocky. Yeah, yeah. And that's not ideal for skating. You want to be a little more wiry. But that's not an excuse. I just didn't have what it takes.

No, it's all right, man. It's okay. I know it's like growing, like as a kid, you realize like skaters, A, we're cool. Like, I feel like we grew up. we're on the same age. We grew up in the era where, like, in the white community, the skater boy was like the guy,

everybody wanted to suck off. For sure. Because it was like, and it was, because they were athletic, but like model, you had to have kind of a model body to be like that. You know,

like a little stocky guy's not going to cut it. You had to have kind of like, like, the sort of Jack Skellington, but like, but cool and with a little athletic, and there was like a bad boy element to it. And there was,

Those guys were cleaning up in the 2000s. 100%. It was, that's who, and I understand why Elders, you wanted to be those guys. I never even considered it an option for whatever reason. I think I was sort of like pretending I was a good, like I was a jock too where I was like,

in sixth grade, my origin story is I did not get the part. I did not get Charlie Brown and you're a good man, Charlie Brown. And then I was like, fuck art, dude. I'm a fucking jock. You're going to fucking pass me over for Charlie Brown.

you fucking idiots. I'll show you. Who got it? You know, I don't even know. And I also lost funniest class clown in high school. That's tough. But it was a closeted black guy and gay black dudes are the funniest people on earth. And afterwards, he's kind of come out and has a full life.

He has a husband now. So it's like, I can't even really be mad. Yeah. I didn't lose it to like some guy who like, you know, I don't know, a lower grade class clown. And also, you know what I mean? That would have been tough. I see as a class clown myself. Yes.

Did you win? Did you ever get? Back to back. Eighth grade and then high school. Wow. First you're fucking tray flipping. Now you're winning back to back. Back to back class clown.

Now you're just rubbing salt in my wounds. Yeah. Give him the booing. Fuck Jimmy. Yeah, man. But with the skating, the only was funny is I, my mom was very protective. And I grew up in Venice and I was hanging out. with these guys that were like five years older than me.

Oh, yeah. And so she was like, and like, you know, this kid, Kevin, he would always like pick up cigarettes off the ground and smoke him out. Like, damn, that kid's insane. That guy's awesome. And she was like, I don't like you hanging out with Kevin. He like, keyed my dad's car all the point. But they had me wearing, like, they made me wear helmets and, like, pads for a long time.

And so I was like Robo Kid out there. And I was good, but like, it really hurt my style. Because it's about style. It's mostly lifestyle. Yeah. It's like guys who become good, it kind of is by accident. It's mostly to just smoke cigarettes on the ground. You know what I'm being, be a 16-year-old that's like, you know.

Yeah, who doesn't give a fuck. Who doesn't, who dropped out of middle school somehow. And his parents don't fucking care. How are you skipping middle school? Yeah. And plenty of those guys did, by the way. Yeah. So Venice, we're talking like the classic boardwalk situation.

Is that what I mean? Well, it's funny because people are like, oh, you grew up in Venice, skating, like, at, skate park must have been amazing. Did they put that in like 10 years ago? Maybe 15 years ago? You were in, yeah. I had already left Venice at that point.

I moved when I was like 14, but the Venice skate park used to just be like, it's actually still there. Right. It's just like people now are like, oh, look at this little walkway on the way to the real to the real skate park. It was nothing. It was like this little tiny curb ramp and then like one rail thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that was, that was it. That sounds like a fun crew, though. I mean, being, being, hanging out with kids five years older when you're like 11. Yeah. Is that it? Your parents were so right. That's the danger zone. For sure.

Because it's like that, like those kids are straight up, like, some of them are smoking crack. And, you know, like, in, I grew up in Baltimore. There were definitely kids who were like, oh, wow, these motherfuckers are doing drugs now. Like, there were kids who were just, I remember a kid got, came to school high in middle school. And I was like, we're doing drugs? I was like so scared. I was like, wait, fuck, I'm not ready to do drugs yet. I was like, literally like, no, I'm not going to be cool.

Because this kid wasn't cool either. And it immediately, he catapulted to cool guy. One of the biggest dorks of all time. All he had to do was have a sad home life and have access to marijuana as a 12-year-old. And everyone was like, fuck, dude, that kid's fucking awesome. And then he got, yeah. And then he really, I respect that kid because then he went into becoming the one straight guy in the drug. drama program, which is a smart move if you want women's attention as a loser. But he did everything.

I have to tip my cap. If you do kids, do drugs. Do drugs early. You'll be cool. Start early. And if you, and if women won't talk to you, just be the one straight guy in drama. That one is actually a great. I kind of regret that that wasn't my path, actually, the second one. Yeah. I would have, I would have, A, loved it. Clearly, that's what I was meant to do. I don't know who I was pretending a five, seven, two 50. I'm like, I'm going to make the NFL. I literally thought I was going to... I also took way too long to come to terms with the fact that I wasn't going to go to the NBA.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Looking back on it, I was like, no one was able to talk some sense into me. Like, dude, just look at the facts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're 5 foot 10. Yep, yeah. Look at the NBA. Watch a game.

Watch five games. You don't see... There's not one guy. No, there is. That's your size. He's the most skilled basketball player that's ever lived. But I don't even know if there's a 5-10 guy in the league right now. Right now...

And a five-and-old. 510 white guy because it was like there was like a 510 guy but it was not a 510 right no you're right Isaiah Thomas is the last guy who the Isaiah Thomas the Celtics yeah yeah Isaiah Thomas was he was like honestly he might have been 5 9 dude he was so fucking he was short look up Isaiah Thomas Hyde eldest please do some fucking producing for God's sakes uh and uh wait no I want to see yeah yeah hold up 5 9 5 9 nailed it I remember seeing Steve Nash and I was like oh short white guy Look, them up 6-3. I was like, oh.

NBA players are the most, like, what, if you watch the game and then see them in person, it's the most jarring thing of all time because a guy you think is small, like 6-3, right? Yeah. Like Steph Curry, who we think of as a small shooting, whatever, 6-3, you might, maybe, yeah, I think Steph is 6-3, 6-3, yeah. If you saw him next to, like, a defensive end,

they wouldn't look that different. Right. Like Russell Westbro, is insane is like if you saw that motherfucker walking around you'd be like that's like a that's a that's a basketball like him with like super soldier serum like he's so jacked he's fucking huge but yeah basketball players are the most like it just it really tricks you into how huge these guys are yeah there's no way to explain to a kid though of course hey you can't do anything yeah yeah yeah your body does limit you in some career past and your mind let's let's you know let's

be honest about that also. But yeah, you have to tell a kid, you basically to raise a child well have to lie to it first and then kind of slowly reveal the world. Let them figure it out for themselves. Be like, Starvo, you sure you want to be a swimmer? Yeah, I'm going to swim. Yeah, yeah. Just trying to back stroke. I skipped swimming and we had a swimming portion in high school and I was, that was the tail end of my fat shame. And I was like, I can't be fucking titty's out in 10th grade. But I kind of regret it now because I, to this day, I'm a poor swimmer. I think because I skipped that program.

And then in college, I was like, let me take swimming now. I'll actually learn. You took swimming in college? Well, you had to get like two PE credits basically, like at my school. Interesting. And I never graduated, by the way. But I took the swimming class. I was like, this will be good.

It'll chance for me to learn, be a stronger swimmer. I just never went. And I was like, it's PE. I'll just take it next semester. And they passed me. And I was like, great. Well, never have to take a swimming class again. You had PE in college?

Yeah, like a... Is that a normal thing? Like a... Yeah, a couple gym credits, I feel like. Elders, do you, in Maryland, do you have to take gym? I don't think so. I think high school was the end of a PE. Well, you know, the University of Maryland,

Baltimore County disagrees with you. They need the retrievers. They need them swimming. It is a dork school. So it's maybe kind of like, hey, let's let these fucking... Let's let's let these guys come out with a little something going on. I swam a lot in college. I went to a University of Arizona.

Oh, hell yeah, dude. And they had a beautiful swimming pool. Rigorous academic program. Rigorous academic. And they had the swimming pool at this school was like comically cool. Oh, wait, wait, wait. Arizona is wildcats, not sun devils. The sun devils are the rigorous academic.

Yeah, yeah, that's grok. Yeah, yeah. Gronk, sorry. The, the, the, Gronk is you of A. Gronka's, oh yeah, yeah. And, but they had this swimming pool that was like, I mean, it felt in college like it was like a Vegas. Yeah. You know, like everyone just is there.

Oh, like a fun hangout. Like it was a fun hangout, but then it also was like this beautiful lap pool. And we would just get so high and go swim laps. Put the goggles on. And put the goggles on. And we'd be like in there doing like ninja battles like in the deep end. And the lifeguard, we were doing like these swim workouts, but they were like, they looked weird. from above. They must have.

And one day the lifeguard was like, what are you guys doing? I see you guys, you come here like three times a week to swim laps. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you doing? We're like, oh, we came up with like a little little swim workout thing that we do. Hell yeah. Like, okay. And we realized that they were just watching us

from the lifeguard tower, just like looking down. Looking down is tough. And we're literally in the deep end, like doing like, doing karate at each other. Tai Chi. That you developed? Like, who? We developed. We were like playing games.

There's no way that was, did anything for you. We had like a whole workout program. Like we'd go across just like doing this. And they had underwater speakers. So we were really viving out. That's cool. And sometimes a synchronized swimmers would be practicing. That's cool.

And we could watch them from under. If you're high, that's all. Oh, man. You're like under there watching synchronized swimmers. Yeah. Have this little like, uh, formation. Yeah. That they go up to the top and launch.

Yeah. Very cool. That is cool. I would love to do, I would love to sit underwater and just fucking watch some crazy shit like that. Because I don't know how the fuck they do synchronize swimming.

That's some shit where you're like, I do. Yeah, yeah, you've seen it. That's right. You've seen the practice. You see how the sausage's made.

And they're in there, they got a microphone that's going to the water. And they're like, one, two, three, four, five, and then they're just like going through the, but they create to throw someone like this,

pyramid. Underwater pyramid. And they're all like bicycling and they all rise together and then the person at the top is able to do like a little trick. But it's like a whole pyramid of... Yeah, yeah.

The tip of the iceberg. It's got to be nice to be the tip. You know you're the baddest bitch in the synchronized swimming. It's got to be tough to be the bot. Like it's classic. Again, speaking of someone who's never touched even the second layer of a

human pyramid. I wonder what it's like up there. You know what I mean? What's the highest you ever been on a human pyramid? I was never a top guy. It's never a top guy. Maybe you got to the second one. I was probably like second. You feel like a second rung guy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I'm, I'm a cornerstone. I'm right at the bottom. You know what I mean? Like I might be right in the middle of the bottom. Yeah. Yeah. One day. One day I'll know what it's like at the top. I had a very, I wonder if I could start the first incredibly fat man synchronized swimming club. that would be fun to watch you want to talk about a fun watch underwater

I would watch that like an amateur tier not like the not the best no just for the love of the game like an amateur fat man swimming synchronized swimming yes yes because there's got to be some great

swimmers that got fat and we need them right in the montage in the recruitment montage that's how I'm starting I'm going to like former college like, you know, national champions and looking them up on on Instagram, being like, who's gotten fat here?

And you know what? It's not going to just be men. I thought about this. It's going to be co-ed. You know what I mean? Let's get some, let's get some, you know, let's get some fat ladies in there. Well, you're definitely, if it's co-ed, you're definitely not getting to the top of the period of thing.

Fuck, you're right. It's got to be, you're right, you're right, you're right. Or, yeah. Or we really prioritize very, very fat women. Because I feel like they're forgotten in our society. Maybe the most forgotten group. And we make them are, I make them. I make them our superstars.

Thank you. That's right. If you're an incredibly fat woman who's good at swimming and fatter than me, I know that's this. I'm describing maybe one person. I'm describing maybe.

But brother, she is on the edge of her seat right now. I don't even know how that happens, but we're going to find you. Okay. All right, this is good. Let's put a pin in that, Elders. put the very fat, the incredibly fat people's,

and it's for the people, by the way. The people, the obese, let's come up with a catchy name. The obese ladies and gentlemen's aquatic club. Ooh, aquatics. I like aquatics. Obesics. Aquatics is good. I think obese aquatics is, let's a, obese aquatics is a nice starting point.

Because, again, the incredibly fat people get forgotten, especially, I feel like aquatically, because there's so much less clothing that you can hide behind, this is going to be good. This is going to be good. This is going to be a big body positive thing. Because I think also a little bit of fat is helpful in the water. Helps you float. It helps you float. And we're going to be doing a lot of floating.

There's going to be a lot of locking arms and floating and like kind of wiggling our feet. You know, like we'll figure this out. We'll figure this out. Thank you for being here and kind of spurring this momentum, this creative momentum. I love that, dude. So it was from skating to hoops. What was your greatest hoops glory? Was it like an AAU game, a high school game?

It was not in high. It was not my high school. It was like a club. Ah. My high school coach, you didn't like me too much. Oh, no. This shows you how much like this is in your head. It's like you're successful.

You have a successful career in a very hard to, you're like to be an actor. is so tough, like out of the internet, like we said. And you're still like, man, fuck my high school basketball coach. It was tough. It was tough, man. Because I still think of that, but with my Greek Orthodox Youth of America basketball coach. That's right.

The highest basketball ever played was Greek Church League basketball. Okay. Okay. How many teams? You know, we had a good, every church has a team. We'd have tournaments. It was fun. And this is in Baltimore?

Baltimore. And you would go up and down the East Coast, you know. as far as south as Newport News, Virginia. Whoa. As far north as somewhere in Pennsylvania. You know, I was like, damn, you're traveling. And then I was like, coming from California, that's pretty much like going to Fresno.

That's nothing. Oh, yeah, Fresno, what a horrible place. Well, I would feel myself because, you know, I was a shooter. But if I was too far behind the three point line, because I could shoot from deep. But I would, if I would start the shooting motion, I would see him already calling for a son.

And like that scarred me so deeply. Just like getting ready to shoot and just seeing him being like, go get gym. And then I was like, if I hit it, he'd call off this. Oh, wow. I'm like, this is such an unhealthy way to play. I'm just constantly in my head. I cared so much. You shake it, especially at that time, you really think he's stopping you from the NBA.

I really did. And also, I, because I went to like a, I went to a camp. I did really well at this camp. I made like the All-Star team at the camp. That feels good. And that felt good. That might be my biggest. I mean, honestly, because there's probably like, did you ever,

because I love when people have the stories of like the one random NBA player in like a camp or a high school game. There was a few at the, it was the double pump camp, which was like a big camp. And I made the All-Star team. I play in the All-Star game. And then I started getting letters from Yale. And I was like, ooh, I can, I'm not going to go play basketball for Yale?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They come watch me play. My coach plays me for one minute that game. Oh, my God. Puts me in to take the game winning a shot and that's it. Did you make it? No. No, dude.

Put me in there's like 30 seconds on the clock. I'm pissed off. I'm like Yale came to this game. I don't play one minute. And he's like, Jim. Ice cold. What? Hey, man, biggest moment of the game.

Ice cold. You're pissed at me all day. It brings me in to hit the game winning shot. I miss. You're a child, too. Like, you don't have the psyche. Yeah, I'm like 17. Yale stopped going.

You know what fuck this guy, dude? I don't like your coach. No, me neither, man. Fuck you, dude. Jimmy's too fucking good of a guy to say it, but fuck you, man. Yeah. You really need to rethink what you're doing. Sucked all the fun out of the game, man.

Yeah, yeah. We look back on it. I talked to him like my buddies were like, damn, he really sucked all the fun out of the game. We're sitting there like doing like, he like watched Coach Carter and was like, yeah. Well, dude, you get that. He was like, yeah, I'm going to run these kids like that. It's, yeah.

And I'm like, but they're like, they have the talent. Of course. We need to be shooting the ball. Yeah, yeah. We're like doing defensive slides all practice. And by the way, you guys were hilariously right. That's exactly where the game went right after you basically. It's like shooting and like spread the floor, whatever.

The high school coach is a fascinating guy. in general, because you get so many people, like so many losers, like, who failed out of everything, kind of launder, like, they just basically, if they don't have it, if they don't take it out on their kids, they're like, what if I could take it out on 40 of somebody else's kids? You know what I mean? Like, what if my life failures could be a bunch of children's problems?

Yeah, and they're like, wait, all these kids are taking me really serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're kind of hanging on to every word I say. This is the first time anyone's ever respected me. Wow, they have to listen to me. It's crazy. How many guys are so fucking bad at it. Yeah.

And then they're like, I either do this or I become a cop. Yeah. It's kind of the same mentality. Oh, man. Imagine the guys that are both cop high school football coach. Maybe the worst guy of all time. No, you're so right. That is like, yeah, that's like if you're too much of a coward to be a police officer,

but you still want to abuse your authority. You still want some power. You got to be a high school coach. that's a great show hey i don't know man you should you should play your shitty that's how you get it you get it back in him you make a show about a fucking loser basically you make like uh ted lasso but like but if he was but if it's real but a bad guy yeah just a piece of shit yeah um where yeah yeah yeah you make like just honestly i don't i like this dude it's not bad right this down elders write that down right next to obese aquatics i did want to do a show about uh you can have the basketball

I did want to do a show about like the, about a group of guys that like decide to start coaching like rec league basketball. Yeah. Like as a bet. Yeah. Yeah. And then they all become super invested. Yeah. Like their teams.

Totally. I like that. Maybe there's some crossover here. I think there's some crossover. You have to do it as a bet and then you get invested in it. And if it's two different guys, one could do it for pure reasons and the other one becomes a piece of shit. That could be another thing to see. it almost becomes like how power corrupt,

how even the smallest amount of power corrupts. I think that's good. I mean, truly, that might be the proof of that theory. High school athletics. Yeah. The smallest amount of power corrupts. And then you like go back and it's like, these guys that you idolized, you look at their resume,

it's like, he watched football. Like some of these guys didn't even play or they played in high school. And now they're, and it's like, this guy's not a fucking, I remember the summer I played football for a couple years and the summer my senior year they fired the coach who I liked and hired like a real old disciplinarian

like a guy had been coaching high school football for like 30 years and I just quit I was like I'm not fucking doing this bullshit I'm not running too day I don't fucking care dude actually You're like I'm contingent on the coach Yeah 100% We had a guy that

He just had this voice that, like, it cracked, like, every, every other word. That's tough. And when he used to scream at us, he'd come in and he'd be like, come on, Sarah, what's going on? And he had this, like, squeaky voice. And I would do these impressions with him. Oh, no.

So, like, he would, like, do this whole thing. And he also got, like, really animated where he'd be like, you're going out there, you're showboating around. What are you doing? And I started doing these impressions. I know the impressions went crazy. Like, he'd leave the room. And I'd like, come.

And then so it became like when he started going on that like rampage, everyone would start like, like you could just feel the room trying so hard not to laugh. Like, oh, he's getting squeaky. Yeah. And then it's just like those moments, you know, when you look around and you just make eye contact with your friend, neither can smile. Yeah. And it's like you just give him that look from across the room. The complete deadpan look.

and you just see the whole room just like with their heads down dude the flip side of like the authoritarian piece of shit coach is the guy who really is trying to in his mind was trying to help children and is a nice guy and gets bullied by children because that also happened my first my jvy soccer coach with some guy named sandy we fucking lit him up dude he tried he tried to discipline us and it was like we had a bunch of delinquent pieces of shit on that like so we're We were like smoking weed behind the CVS before practice. And we literally just made this guy quit coaching. And then they hired really quickly.

They hired just a guy. They didn't do a background check. He, he happened. I knew the guy. He, this is crazy. This is coincidence. It's insane. He happened to, he was a former deacon in my church who was arrested.

He robbed the church. He did an Ocean's 11 heist on like the fucking church candle money. It was like him. and a fucking guy, him and a guy now who has a very successful career, literally working on the docks from season two of the wire. They, they masterminded this thing. And I was in a position where only I knew this guy was a criminal who clearly didn't pass a background check. They were just trying to like replace the coach. So I had all this like. Wait, you knew about this, but people didn't know. How did you know? Because I went to the church. I knew him. He was a Greek guy from my church. Oh, it was just known at the church. A couple years ago, like three or four years prior to this, this guy had. quit, he had been kicked out of the priesthood because he tried, him and a guy from the neighborhood

robbed the church in like a heist. That's the most elementary scheme. It's so pathetic. Like that seems like the kind of heist that like a kid came up with. A hundred percent. And was like, hey, we should steal this money that's going around. Like it's the one that they pass around. It's just you see dollar bills.

Yeah, you see dollar bills. What if we stole that? Whoa, there must be $1,500. Yeah. Imagine what they have in the back. Well, you know, maybe. Maybe over a thousand. Dude,

literally it was, I believe it was during Holy Week. The one smart thing they did was they waited for Holy Week where people are coming. And they robbed it after Holy Week, but it was like, you immediately, they immediately got caught. And the church is like,

we're looking for, we're missing $750,000. Yeah. We're missing a lot of money. Yeah. You just ruined your life for so little money. But anyway, that's the neighborhood.

I come from him. Anyway, I, so I had all this leverage over him. So it was like, I was starting. It was awesome, dude. And it was kind of this unhe knew I knew. I was like, hey, man. And I never said anything. And then this guy later on would give a child pornography, not, literally not in a molestation way. And I'm so pathetic. I want this child to think I'm cool way. And he got fired for that. It was all. It was actually pretty, pretty hysterical stuff. So you were starting because you had dirt on this guy. Exactly right. I had, I was blackmailing. my coach is a fat 14-year-old. I was pretty good.

Listen, I was just too fat. No, it wasn't hard for him to start. No, no, no, no. He can figure out of a way. No one was that surprised. I was on the cusp, right? It was between me and a different guy. Listen, you had to put me either up top or down below. I'm not running back and forth. Yeah. I'll score you some goals. I'll stop some goals.

I was either a striker or a stopper at the end. But then, yes, he got kicked out, and that's how I got to play football. It's just a very Rube Goldberg machine of my, you know, of my athletic career. And at the time I was like, hey, I'm going,

I'm going D1. I'm going D1 because I was good at JV football in Baltimore. You know what I mean? It was so fucking stupid. Well, you come out of, you come out of, like I came out of flag football

in eighth grade. Like, I'm, I'm among the best in the news. Yeah. I entered high school football. Like, they'd, they've never seen anything like me.

Yeah. You know, I'm like, I can throw, I can run, I can catch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What can I deal? I'm playing both ways. I'm returning kicks. I'm having like four or five touchdowns a game.

Dude. And then I get to my high school, first time I played tackle. And you're playing in where like outside of, I feel like California has some great. Dude, I went to Notre Dame high school, which was like, you know, we had like a factory. And freshman year I'm playing against Anthony Barr. Oh, wow. Who's a running back at the table. time. And I, and I tackled him one time, but he, I brought him down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he won.

Yeah, yeah. You get a need of the helmet. I brought him down like, like on top of me. And I just remember, like, laying there and being like, I don't want it like these guys. Yeah. Yeah. This isn't for me. The moment where you're like, fuck that. I mean, I had that same moment when I, I literally went to the first practice, looked at them running. And, you know, did not go back. And then I was like, you know what, I'll play soccer again. I was, by the way, I got in so fucking fat playing two years of football. And I was a telemarketer next to a Wendy's. That was my summer job. I ate two junior bacon cheeseburgers every day for a summer. That's not how you should be training to get back into soccer. That's the nose tackles dying. Yeah, that's it. And then I immediately pulled a hamstring and I was like, fuck this. I'm not playing sports. We did, you know those drills where you like, you turn and then one, you're trying to, like, the guy's trying to get by you and you're trying to tackle him.

And this guy, Kamadi, just went, lowered his shoulder and just we went, bam, head to head. And I was like, I just remember being like, you're not supposed to do that. Like, you're not supposed to. Coach, she cheated. I was like, you're not supposed to go head to head, man. And I was like, oh, wait, they don't care. Like, we're like, we could damage our heads. And I remember I came out of that like here

I was concerned I was like dude you're not supposed to Yeah And I was like oh he doesn't give a fuck Yeah yeah yeah and I have to also not give a fuck Of course You either the hammer or the nail And I'm the nail here nail for sure I got a concussed bad by like this little guy

Like we were playing We were playing like maybe it was a scrimmage or some shit I don't know it was like we traveled to I don't even remember where the fuck it was But it was like the kind of thing where they they swapped out like, you know, first team, second team, whatever. And, oh, that's right. It was when I got called up to varsity at the end of the season.

And we had like a final game. And it was, it was like not competitive. So the last quarter, they were like, all right, let's let's let the JV kids and the shitty varsity kids kind of get a taste of real, you know, football or whatever. And I was a nose tangle. And the center was literally, this kid was like 5-1. And I was like, this kid is food. I'm going to fuck this kid up.

immediately this little cock sucker comes up like a rocket just hits head to head hits me under the chin with his fucking helmet I'm seeing Looney Tunes stars and shit And I just stayed in the game like being like I'm not a fucking bitch And I have no I have dude for real You're just in a constant state of like mortal combat Literally dude 10 minutes I'm 10 minutes I'm yeah I'm like

If it was a boxing match I'm clinching You know what I mean But like you couldn't do that So I was just like lining up getting dominated by this like 5-1 and he was a little it wasn't even that fed it was just like a 5-1 little stocky guy and I was like I can't even defeat this guy I'm fucked

And this guy doesn't have a chance No dude no but he fucked me up bad And the yeah I love this has become the guys remembering Their pathetic Their pathetic victories in high school sports I know Brought to you

And remember folks Hit the Visible Hotline The Stavis Stavis Role hotline Brought to you by Visible In fact, Eldis, why don't we take some calls before we start talking about other ways people from our childhood wronged us? Absolutely. And, you know, this is the Stavi's Roll hotline brought to you by Visible.

It would be appropriate to start with a question on the topic. It's very near and dear to our hearts with a man who needs a lot of help here. Of course. Hey, Steph. Hey, Elvis. Hey, esteemed guests. Hope we're doing well. Long time, first time.

Got a bit of a conundrum for you. It's going to start out with a brag. I've got a lovely wife. I've been together for about three years. Okay. She's got some great natties. Okay. Congrats on your wrist breasts.

But we're expecting our first child here soon. We're at like 14 weeks. Hold on, man. Don't say my wife's got great tits. But we're expecting. But the most magical thing in the world is happening. But the whole reason humans exist. it's going to put her tics in jeopardy.

I assume that's what he's getting at. Let's go ahead. Maybe not. And what's really cool is they're getting bigger. Very excited. But it's kind of like a bad wish on a genie here. They hurt. I'm not allowed to touch them.

Oh, that's nice. I don't know what to do. I'm really excited to see them grow, but I'm not allowed to touch them. Bro. So hoping to get some advice from you. what are some great ways to appreciate the growing natural while I got them without touching them? Dude, this is awesome.

Pretty tough, but also very lucky. So I have hoping to see what you got to say. I have the answers immediately, bro. It could be a fun exercise, you know? Sure. Yeah, yeah. In observing. I was going to say, get into photography.

This is the, turn your shed into a dark. room, develop your own film. Because this is clearly a you've gotten a visual bonus here, right? This is visual. You can't touch them, you know, a supporter as much as you can. But yeah, I say get into charcoal etchings,

oil painting. Now is your time. If there's ever something that would make me learn how to be a fine artist, it would be my wife's tits getting huge and me wanting to for top, to become a sculptor.

sculptor, get some clay. Throw down one of these. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think that's the answer. Get into high definition photography, painting, poetry even. Like, this is awesome because this is the podcast for, obviously, as you can tell from the very first call, for very stupid people, right? Kind of imagine your characters. There's a thousand, every character you've ever played, clone them 4,000 times.

That's basically who's listening to this podcast, right? Okay. So, uh, we're basically, we're, we're saying here is like, yeah, this is good. This is the way guys like us can appreciate turn to art. This is your opportunity to understand art. You thought poems were gay until now. What about poems about how awesome and juicy your wife's breasts are? So I think this is an, a perfect moment for you to open up your horizons.

This is your entry point into understanding the world of, the world of natural beauty. Some people see it in a sunset. that. Some people see it, you know, some people see it in, you know, a beautiful fragrant, right? Maybe you're walking by a pie shop and you smell delicious crust, right? You float. You float over. You float over. You have some, you have a cherry tart. But for you, my friend, this is your entry point into understanding true beauty existing. And I think that's actually wonderful.

Yeah. And like you said, the poems, you know, that's a nice poem. You know, you're yearning for something. that you can't have. Yes. That's a poem right there. That's actually really nice because this is on, you get to experience unrequited love with the person you love the most in the world.

Because eventually you will get to touch her breasts again. But for now, absence makes the heart grow fonder. And you get to look at them and appreciate them from a purely aesthetic position. And then this is different, but would she maybe let him just hold them? Absolutely. Pick some of the pressure off.

Absolutely. Go behind in a non-sexual way. Yeah, just a little lift. Just a slight lift. And don't get greedy. Don't get greedy. Because now you're going to just want to grab. She needs a lift.

Just take some of the weight off. Take some of the weight off. You're only there to support her. And that's beautiful, by the way. Yeah, there's so much here. Maybe you could invent a sort of a hammock for her breasts. You know, when you're not there. Something to lift them up.

You're just talking about a bra, dude. Yeah. But, you know. You're like, what is. We invented it. A breast hammock. Two breast hammocks. They lift.

They hold and play. Yeah, I think we're on to something. I think we're on to something big, man. The breast hammock. So, hey, man, good for you. We're really happy, you know, and good luck on the baby as well. And there's another part of your life you should be thinking about it. Is the child that's about to come out of your wife?

What else we got? A little bit. Hi, Stavi. Hi, guest. Hi, Elvis. My question is about work-life balance and whether we are being smart or stupid. Okay. I'm a nurse and I work weekend nights, Friday, Saturday night, 7 p.m. until 7 a.m.

And my partner works for a really big financial company. And his schedule right now is Saturday through Monday, 12-hour shifts. What? two and a half year old daughter and um this weird schedule has honestly worked really well for us she's luckily never had to go to daycare because where we live i he works saturday sunday monday 12 hours got you guys he worked saturday to sunday monday 12 hour shifts and she works night shifts saturday sunday right oh okay she's luckily never had to go to daycare because where we live i it cost of daycare is literally more than our mortgage um um and

And my parents are super great, and they help watch her on the weekends, which we love, she loves. And then during the week, we get a lot of family time together. We do little state park trips, random staycation, even like, impulse a flight somewhere for a couple of days. And we send a lot of time together as a family, and I feel really, really grateful for that. But he just got offered a new job to make more money, more career growth, and then a more like normal corporate trajectory. And I'm torn because part of me is like this is the smarter long-term move. but the other part is like our daughter is only low at once we're kind of in the school of like once is enough

we have our child and she is perfect and we are very happy we don't plan to have more kids oh an only child whose mother calls her perfect sounds like somebody who's definitely not going to be annoying when she grows up imagine being a kid whose parents take you on trips you're a perfect little angel we don't need anything else I just maybe don't have another kid but let her let her have cousins or something she's got to know that you know she's not a little that everything's not I would worry about only children. I missed. I missed some of that. Sorry. So basically her, it's not done.

I'm just kind of hopping into shit on her a little bit. And just as a fair warning, don't call, don't let your kid think it's perfect. You know what I mean? Only children can be real tough, but not you guys. You guys are the exception. Is there more, there's more. Basically, what, basically what she's wondering so far is that her husband, they work these weird weekends where they work like opposite, opposite hours. No, no, they all. They all, They both work. Basically, they work full work weeks during the weekend. She's on overnights. He's on 12-hour shifts. And her parents watch their daughter during the weekends. And so that means they have full weeks to hang out with their kid. She's saying this setups also, but her husband was offered a better job or a promotion,

which means regular hours. And I think she's torn. Is there any more context, eldest? Yeah, I'll let it keep going. We are very happy. We don't plan to have more kids. and I know we're never going to get the space back where we'd have all this random weekday time off together and she's home with us instead of daycare. Ideally, we've talked about, you know, I'd stop working weekend night, and she'd start daycare around three,

and we'd have more normal schedules, and I, you know, maybe be able to regain some sanity and sleep, but I'm really struggling whether we should prioritize maximizing income and career momentum or protect this, like, a really unique family setup while we still can. Yeah. So basically my question is,

how do you know when it's time to stop optimizing for time, time and start optimizing for money and career growth. Thank you, and I really hope you answer this. And I hope your elbow feels better. Thank you. I appreciate that. Sorry, I said your kid was going to be a piece of shit. Quick sidebar.

Yeah. I'm new, you know, to the call-ins. Of course. Anything you need. So they're dealing with what seems to be, you know, a pretty serious, like, decision. That's right. And they call you. Yes, right.

I love this moment that dawns on every guest about two or three calls in. And your advice here. Yeah. Could change the course of their lives. Yep. And by the way, folks, I'm not legally responsible for anything that happens. This is a purely joke show. But I'm curious like, do not listen to anything.

Did they like go back and forth and they're like, get to a point and they're like, we're at an impasse? Yeah. Call, call. We need to call the wisest man we know. And that's what. Call Stavreuth. That's right.

That's right. They're just sitting there and she's like, should we just. Should we just? And he's like, just call. Just hit the button. Push the Stavi's World button. Push the Stavvy's World hotline brought to you by visible button. Mm-hmm.

So I think here's, here's my take on this. I think a very, a time that makes sense. There will be a time that makes sense when your daughter's in school. If she's two or three right now. Do we know how old she is? She said she's two or three, right? Didn't she yelled us, too, I think? Fuck, did she say?

I don't know. But yeah, she's young. Oh, good. Fuck, fucking dumbass. Just look what the fucking thing said while we talk. Anyway, she's two. Your kid's a toddler right now. I think there's a clear moment when you make this switch.

It's when she goes to preschool, she goes to kindergarten or first grade where it's like, where your kid, someone takes care of your kid during the days. Because right now she's saying, we'll put her into daycare until 3rd. three, right? And look, I know the thing for career momentum, all this shit, but if you guys are doing well right now and your husband is talented and, you know, obviously it feels in the moment like if you don't take a career opportunity, you're fucked. And I know, I mean, that's, that's what this fucking industry feels like. I mean, I feel like I'm literally killing myself to, you know, play a scum. Right now, I had to play a scum, I had to play a scum,

Glenn Powell's scumbag agent with a broken arm instead of recuperating. Instead of doing PT, I was risking having the mobility in my left arm ever come back to do, you know, a Jud Appetal movie. So I know what it's like to sacrifice dumb bullshit for your career.

But I think they have the fucking dream. Like being able to go and like take trips and spend time with your little ass kid, eventually somebody else is going to teach her unless you want to really pour on the freak juice and make her a homeschooled only child. Like, you're going to send her to school. That's when you change.

And then it actually would make sense for you to switch your hours to align with hers. But right now, I think the striving for more and wanting more and more and more, that's what's fucking killing us. That's what's destroying this country. And like, don't,

you would be doing a rebellion against American greed and helping your family your husband would making a really principal stand that I would personally really respect if he put his child ahead of, you know, career momentum for just a couple years. We're not saying never get a promotion.

We're just saying that's what I would do if I was them anyway. Like, I'm trying to build up my life to, like I feel like I've worked too much and I haven't put any like personal shit in there. So if I was them, you have the more important shit. The more important shit is spending time with your kid and actually being able to, now it would be different if you were barely making it.

meat, right? But it sounds like you're doing okay right now. So that's what I would do. Because you're right. The most finite thing in this equation is being with your toddler. That's the shit that you can never get back. You can get back fucking, you know, working at Goldman Sachs or whatever fucking scumbag. Because he's, he's wearing for a big corporation, a big financial corporation. They're basically not. Are they not both nurses? No, she's a nurse and he works in finance. So that's the other thing. By not taking a better job in finance, you're actually also helping the world because finance does nothing but loot, you know, money from actual hardworking people. I mean, that's the fakes fucking job of all time. And if he's in fucking, if he's in fucking,

what's it called, like private equity, everyone in private equity should be bleep it out, but they destroy everything they put their fucking hands on. So that's my, my thing is, on one hand, you get a beautiful couple of years with your child that you can, never get back. On the other hand, it's should I sacrifice that to make my husband's bosses more money and you more money as a result, I guess. But to me, this is kind of clear. You got to fucking invest in your family while you can right now. And then when your kid goes into and has normal hours, I say fucking, you know, switch it up then. James, what do you say? I just say the complete opposite of that. I make a really impassioned

like long counter argument and just leave her just like, fuck. We weirdly turn into smart guys on this topic. We just start doing statistics at each other. I just go, I just come back at you and then just we just leave her again out of neutral decision.

Yeah, yeah. I'll just say, I'll just say yes to that. Yes. Yeah, I don't want to overcomplicate this. Sure. Like, I feel like if I was in that position, I don't know, if you were in the position where you're like,

oh, I can have this like really awesome job opportunity that maybe I want to be. won't get this exact one, but maybe in a couple years I can do something similar, or I can spend, you know, let's say you have a kid and like I can spend when she's three and four, I can spend every day with her. I think that's an easy decision personally. My only thing where I'd be like, maybe that's a interesting variable is if he would no longer be working on the weekends and then he would be able to like move some of the time, hang out during on the weekend when he previously wasn't able to. Yeah. That would help.

but that's what I'm saying is that like I think right now yeah they would totally shift their shit up but it's like right now they get to hang out with their kid like five days a week versus four days a week versus three I just think like they have a cool setup right now and there's a I think they would do that when I think it makes more sense to do that when your kid is in school and also you don't have to pay for daycare by the way that's another thing we didn't discuss you just got to switch it up when it gets to the point where okay you're spending too much time yeah yeah yeah when you're annoyed it's like

I don't want to fucking do black locks, man. Can we do something else? Can you be into hula hooping or some bullshit? I want to miss you. Yeah. Yeah. My fucking daughter's so clingy, dude. My nephew, dude, he's at this stage. I have a one and a half year old nephew. And he's just understanding shit. Like, he's just stopped being a complete baby. He's still a fucking baby. But now he has preferences. And anytime somebody comes over, now he's scared that if it's my mom, my, me, or my brother that we're babysitting him and his parents are going to leave. And he just goes, no, don't.

He'll go don't. He'll be like, don't. He'll wave his finger. He'll be like, don't. It's like, you're a fucking baby, dude. You have no rec- And I like to let him understand that your parents might say, let you do whatever you want. Uncle Stav is what you know you're a fucking baby.

No, it's important to say no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm here to bully you. I'm here to toss you into a couch and power bomb. Yeah, I'm going to say no to every. everything you're asking. No. Because no one in your life does.

Anyway, so yeah, those are, I felt pretty impassioned about this one. And again, when you think about how much you're saving on not doing daycare, and look, if your husband's going to lose this opportunity forever, that's a different thing, but that's never the case. Believe me, I've fucking,

I started passing on shit, and it's been fine. Like, other shit comes around. You'll be okay. I feel like, whenever you have, like, a very, cushy setup like they do. I mean, it's like unheard of for parents to like be able to get by working on the weekends and having the majority of the week to just hang out with their kids. Of course. That's like a sweet setup. And I also feel like whenever you do have a setup like that, like sooner or later that will come to the end. Something's going to happen every time.

Like even if it'll take like a few years. So that's like another reason. Totally enjoy it while you can. And switch it up when she's in fucking school and you don't have to pay for it. All right. Next question. What's up, Stavee, Elvis, esteemed guest. I'm trying to see if and how I can, you know, hook up with this hot as milk that's in my hometown. I'm 21.

A little more our speed, huh, Jimmy? See, dude, you complained about these being too heavy questions. Elders fucking figured it out. Right back to milk. college, kind of a nerd, do engineer one. I go to college, Milf, that's in my hometown. I'm 21. I go to college.

Kind of a nerd, do engineering. Have some good friends, but haven't fucked yet. Have dated girls just, anyway. This is 21. He's definitely 21. He's 21. This guy's fucking awesome. I realize that guys our age don't say milf anymore because we're talking about, we

women are. Right, right, right. I had a really crazy realization when I was like, oh, wait, milfs are just women are age, but with kids. Wait, milfs are people. I remember being like in college, like, someone's like, yeah, I hooked up with like a 35 old. And I was, and I'm like, oh no.

Yeah, no. We're milf age. Yeah, and we have nothing to show for it. We are milf aged men. Men of a certain milf age. Milfaged men is a really funny way to put middle-aged. Early middle-aged. Yeah, we're milfaged.

I'm a milfaged man. That sounds better than early middle age, honestly, is milfaged men. All right, so I love this kid because he's, first of all, I hear the go-getter in his voice, right? Hasn't fucked yet shooting for the moon. He's like, how do I, I'm skipping a couple steps. I'm getting right. to milf. I'm making up for lost time. But let's hear the rest of this. Anyway, so I'm home for the summer. I knew this woman from like going to church, playing in the church band. She led it,

but we both kind of, she quit that job and I don't go to church anymore because, you know, they're homophobic kind of pieces of trash. Anyway, but I saw her around and then we were chatting, you know, about her kids, college, whatever. And then she was like, you're 21 now, right? And I was like, I am. And she's like, well, I got to buy you a drink. You're in. And I was like, absolutely. That sounds rad. He just nuts in his pants every time he tries to get up and go. Every time they've had a date, he just puts on his jeans. She's like, oh, fuck. I can't make it tonight. Keep going. And then she was like, or make, you know, get your mom there to hang out.

And then I was like, is she like hinting that she wants to get a drink with me? And then, you know, kind of safety backing. it up by mentioning my mom. Does she actually want to hang out, but doesn't want to give me the wrong ideas? She's mentioning my mom. Anyway, do I text and be like, let's go get a girl? I don't, you know, I don't know.

I feel like I'm going to talk to people, but just kind of a coward. You definitely are a coward, I can tell. Anyway, but she's got big old tities. She's really pretty. She got a big old ass. Very sweet. Very fun. Musically gifted.

Like two years now, which is anyway. Okay. It would be a lot of thought if we've fucked. And just whatever guidance from here would be awesome. Oh, he's funny. All right. You take it easy.

Thank you. This is the audacity of youth. I know. I was going to say, I would say your biggest obstacle is you just seems so young. Yeah. And I think that would be the thing that gets in the way a little bit. Of course. Is the way you're talking, you're clearly 21 years old.

Yeah. And that might be a bit of a turnoff. Sure. Your only chance here is that shit's going kind of bad for her, right? And that she wants to sort of act out. Yeah. The only chance you have is that she says she's two years post-divorce. Might be a little late for this. This is more, you might be able to catch the tail end of it. This is more immediate divorced situation where it's like you've got someone who, and I don't know, I'm purely speculating. But if she was divorced, she used to go to the church and she isn't, maybe she's somebody who got married too young. didn't get to have her youth, right? Your only shot is that she's like interested in sort of, you know, kind of reclaiming a little bit of youth here.

Now, the problem is, if that's the case, she probably wants to fuck a cool 22-year-old, not a fucking dork like you. So what you have to do is just purely endear yourself. Here's a lesson you have to have overall. And I know this is going to be really hard for you to hear as maybe the horniest guy in the world, right? because I remember what it was like to be, you know, 21 and desperately want to get pussy.

Your desperation is the worst thing that you have going for you. You're probably a nice guy. You're probably, are you that interesting? I don't know. You're a child. You're 21. You don't have much to talk to her about. Yeah.

But if you can just be nice and endearing. And by the overall lesson is just sort of like make connections with people without expecting anything in return. Yeah. That will. Because I remember being like 20. and being like, okay. And looking at like dating as like a video game

where it's like, if I unlock enough achievements, I will get pussy. You know what I mean? Where it's like, well, she will have, if I hang out four times and I buy her a drink. You know what I mean? Like thinking like it's math and it's like, but the reality is being a good person who's nice

and fun to talk to, just go out for a drink with this lady, expecting nothing. Use it as like as training for talking to a woman you're very attracted to. Because the odds of you fucking this woman, I'm going to be honest with you, very sorry.

Slim. Very, very, very slim. The best thing he could do probably would be to not appear to be too interested. 100%. But just be a genuine guy. Exactly. And it would help too if maybe he seemed preoccupied with something else. His studies, his college. Another girl.

Yeah, sure, sure. So she's like, oh. Ask her for girl. I think he's too good for me. Yeah, yeah, yep, yep. You know? Totally. And then he's,

but all he's doing is just being a nice guy. I think what you do is, and by the way, we're not telling you to pretend to be a nice guy, okay? You're not, first of all, that's bad advice. Second of all,

you're not capable of manipulating a beautiful woman. You're just, you don't have the juice. No, you have to just be genuine. You actually, and I think you are a nice guy. That's what you have going for you.

And so I think what you do here is because, you're right, you're right. seem like, just be interested, be a nice guy. And here's the thing. Ask her, you know, you have this music connection. Talk about, you know, hey, are you performing anywhere now that you're not leading the

church? Talk about if you both left the church, maybe that's something. You know, you're like, oh, what did you? Whatever. And don't say the word milf. Don't say the word milf. You say the word milf that ages you down, maybe you drop 15 years lower. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. She doesn't want to be called the milf. No, no, no. Well, who knows? I don't know. Probably not. I think milf is... It's over?

Maybe if you're like, you know... It's become a porn category, you're right. Well, but also like how I guess how... I don't know how old. Maybe if you're like in your 50s, it's cool to be called enough. But if you're like in your 30s, you don't want to be called... You're just want to be... You're right.

Especially if you're like divorced and you're just trying to get... You're just kind of trying to Stella get her groove back. But by the way, Stella gets her groove back. She fucks Tay Digg. She doesn't fuck some 21-year-old engineer, right? So it's like... But again, use this. I will say this, avoid your mother being involved in this at all costs.

All right? You don't want to hang out with your mom and this lady. But if what you get out of this is a friendship with a beautiful woman who's older than you, that's a big win for you. Because that's like a lot of my fellow, you know, and part of the part of this, the reason for this program is to try and convert in cells, get them out of this as a former in cell myself. You know, I try and say if, you know, I'm fat as shit.

I'm 5-7. I'm bald, right? I figured out how to live a wonderful, fulfilling life. You can too. That's what I'm trying to get. That's what I'm trying to tell this guy is like, the second you stop thinking of it as like every interaction with a woman is desperately trying to get late and you just genuinely make female friends,

genuinely see girls as people, that will help you develop as a human being. And, yeah, if you have women friends, they might set you up with their, or like this lady, you know, go into this, try literally as practice for talking to a woman you really want to fuck and not blowing it. Because you're not, look at it as I'm not going to smash.

Just look at it. There's something freeing in that. And then say, let's go out for a drink. Let's talk to her. Let me try and get her. If you get this woman to take you seriously as an adult and not as like Martha's son, that's a victory.

If you forge a real relationship, And by the way, you never know. You're putting the ball in play at the very least. You never know, but I like your idea about put it out of your head. It's not going to happen. It's not going to happen. But this is still a valuable friendship for you to have. And it's like good practice.

It's kind of like harmless practice for talking to a girl you're attracted to. Yeah, because then you'll say things to her. She'll roll her eyes. Right. You'll realize the things that you're doing that may be immature, that maybe you weren't realizing. and that will be a good learning experience. Good learning experience. And it's a good experience for you being actually interested.

Because right now you're purely horny for this woman. Yeah. This is a good opportunity for you to practice asking a woman about her life. You know what I mean? Like ask her what's been going on. Like don't look at it as like, let's trick a hot lady into sleeping with me. Look at it as like getting to know a person who, yes, I'm attracted to and would love to have a romantic relationship of some kind with. But like these will be valuable.

skills for you when you go back to college. Let's say you don't hook up and you just get a couple drinks, form a friendship with somebody. Now you've talked to the, you know, you've spent your, you're more comfortable around beautiful women than you were before this summer. 100%. That's what I would tell you, my friend. And look, if some incredible, you know, you hit some kind of sexual lottery and she takes pity on you and jerks you off once, that's the craziest victory of all time. But just coming out of this. But just coming out of this, with a new friend who makes you more comfortable around hot girls, that's what you want, buddy.

100%. You got to get rid of that desperation. I know that's tough to say, but that is what's leaking through. I could feel it. I feel like he said something interesting. He said, oh, you're 21 now. Let me buy you a drink.

And he said his response was, oh, absolutely, that sounds rad. I wonder, like, how excited he got. He was like, yes. Can we go right now? Raspberry vodka with Sprite, please. Could you pour some simple syrup in it as well? A vodka orange soda, please.

Do you serve brass monkey here? I'm getting crazy doing some Yeager bombs for a night. Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do some Yeager bombs. Oh, cool, yeah, I'll make some jungle juice. Yeager bombs, please. And for the lady, a jungle juice. And for the lady, Crystal Light with Popov's vodka. man, I feel like it could have been something as small as that that made her immediately be like,

or yeah, maybe we'll go with your mom too. She's just like, what the fuck? You're so right, Elders. You remember like, yes. She's like, yeah, yeah, me and your mom will get us. And there's White Ziffindale at 3 p.m. She's like, you know, more mature. I think she might want something nice, like crystal.

Yeah. Or maybe some hypnotic. Yeah, yeah, hypnotic. Let's do the incredible, an incredible Hulk for the lady. So yeah, good luck, buddy. That's, it's a very cute call. We got it something else, Eldie, as we're wrapped. And by the way, anything specific you want to plug here, my friend.

Sorry, we should have done it at the midway point, but we're just so wrapped up. No. I mean, I have a show coming out. Hell yeah. Called The Hawk on Netflix. Oh, fuck yeah, dude. That's awesome. I'm Will Farrell.

What was that? Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell. That's awesome. Molly Shannon. Ooh, the goats. Yeah. Are you kidding me, bro?

On screen with the fucking fucking, what the fuck was, what was their character? We watched the name. Superstar. We watched the movie, by the way. She's great. She's incredible.

She's the best of a truly like, she was so good in the other two as their mom. You ever see that? That shit is fucking awesome. I got to rewatch the other two. I started watching it. it was like on the other day and I just like started watching I saw it so long ago but that movie is so funny she's so good Molly Shannon's fucking incredible but anyway that's

fucking awesome yeah yeah so that's we play pro golfers fuck yeah and um yeah he I play will's son oh hell yeah and I'm a I'm a professional golfer who's like starting to make a name for himself and he is like on the like the amateur tour or not the, he's not on the PGA where he's trying to claw his way back. Oh, but he was. He was, he was the man back in the day. Oh, hell yes.

And now his son is starting to be their man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're basically playing Charlie Woods. Basically, a version of Tiger's son. Have you seen him? Oh, no. I've seen his swim. He's fucking nice, dude.

He looks good. And their mannerisms are all like the same and stuff. That's when you're like, look, sometimes Nepo babies just inherit the talent. Yeah, sometimes they're untalented pieces of shit who, you know, their uncle gets them a job. But sometimes, yes, maybe Tigerwood's son might be fucking awesome at golf. And maybe, you know.

Yeah, maybe like growing up with the best golfer of all time also makes you a pretty good golfer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As is the case with like every profession. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's fucking awesome, dude. And then, yeah, he starts to make a comeback. And he's like, sets off on a mission to reclaim his glory and make sure that he is, always known as the most talented Hawkins.

I fucking love that. I'm Lance Hawkins. He's Lonnie Hawkins. Fuck, yeah, dude. Yeah. Check out the Hulk. It's very funny. Just like, yeah, it's a fun comedy show.

A lot of the same people from like, he's bound and down worked on it. They're the best, dude. I love. David Gordon Green directed like four of the episodes. This is all. This is going to be so fucking good. Yeah, he's great.

Check that shit out. That's a Netflix show? Netflix show. Yeah, yeah. July 16. Ooh, babe, this might come out right around that time. So check out the Hawk. And, Eldis, you got one or two more questions for us here.

We're wrapping up here, buddy. Hey, Stav, Elvis, esteemed guest. I'll keep it quick, and I hope this is on the regular episode, and up the Patreon. Times are tough out here. Anyway, working a small company. I'm the office manager. We have a warehouse manager,

and I don't know how to approach the fact that the warehouse manager doesn't wash his hands after he takes his shit in the morning. I feel like... Bro. I mean, wait, you just work... Yeah, that's going to happen, bro. I'm sorry.

But keep going, keep going. Hard to bust somebody on that. You know, it's like a one-person bathroom. Like, you know, if I approach the boss saying, hey, man, I don't think he washes his hands. Like, how do I approve it? It seems like a tough one to tackle. I feel like I'm being kind of like an office snitch

If I you know Waited outside the bath It's just like an invasion of privately You just got to tell them I mean but how This is an interesting how You're like hey man I've been I've had my fucking glass

To my ear on the door And I never hear the sink go off When you're shitting I hear those fucking I hear those breakfast burrito farts But I don't hear any fucking running water I think you started off with a question You know

he leaves the room if you're ever near the bathroom when he exits you just hit him with a little you wash your hands you know start there start by posing the question you know you wash your hands and if he's like no be like dude but got to wash your hands hold on is he said he said who's this guy not washing his hands the warehouse manager yeah bro is he above him no but this the guy works in a fucking warehouse i've worked at a warehouse these people are animals dude they're not gonna this guy's not You're telling me a guy who works at a warehouse, the office manager who is, you know, just that's a way, it's like, you know, that's, they don't respect the guy who has to order the toilet paper, the soap he's not using. This guy's just like, he's not going to listen to it. And he's probably younger.

This guy's probably, he's the warehouse manager, right? The guy who isn't washing his stance as a warehouse manager and this guy's the office manager. So we're talking about some fucking old guy that's been working in a warehouse for 30 years. And now a guy who he just started working there, did he say? I'm just telling you, this is not as simple as you think it is. Really? No, man. I feel like even just bringing it up.

I mean, I guess I can't imagine that because I wash my hands like all, like everything I do. Pussy. I get a little thing, wash my hands. A little thing, wash my hands. I wash my hands like fucking 20 times a day. So I can't imagine picking the shit and not washing my hands. Of course. Look, that's foul.

Look, I'm not going to sit here and say, I'm a, I'm a strict hand washer. I'm not going to, but I wash my hands after shit. Look, I'm not, I'll be honest to you, most pisses I'm not washing. I mean, no, I wash my hands before. Before respect. Wow, you might have converted me with that. Your dick's not dirty. That's a great point.

You know, you go in there, your hands are dirty. I'm dirty. My dick. You dirty your dick. And then you wash your hands after. It's like, what's the point of that? You're a genius. The only thing.

Wow. That doesn't look at it sometimes is if you wash your hands first and then you pee and then new people enter the bathroom and then you leave. They might go, that guy didn't wash his hands, not knowing. I'm free of that judgment though. God, I don't worry about it. I live my life in a way where that doesn't affect me. So yeah, I start. But if piss gets on my hands, I'm washing my hands.

Yeah, yeah. I won't have to have a real problem. You know, we're in the 30s. We're better at pee. I've been holding my penis for years now. So you're right. But I just don't think this, having worked with warehouse guys and in a machine shop and my dad's a contractor, these are the type of guys that really, A, what they, it's not even that he cares about Washington. He doesn't, here's the problem.

It's not the sanitation issue. This guy will see it as he's being challenged by a younger man he doesn't respect. So whatever it is, he'd be like, fuck you. Who the fuck are you to tell? I'm, I'll wash my fucking hands. If I don't, if I don't want to, I won't. I promise you that's how this guy would. Anyway, that's who I'm imagining.

Okay. Let's keep going. Okay. I have another potential solution too. Okay. And then if I kind of accused him of it, knowing, like, you know, then he'd be like, probably wondering how I figured that out. But, I mean, it's as simple as walking by the bathroom and then not hearing him

fucking use the sink after he takes a shit in the morning. We worked together long enough, so like, I don't know. And I kind of got like a little OCD. B, some of the bugs and Neil odds. I don't know. Any advice is great advice. Thanks, Dom. Love the pod.

I have something too, but go ahead. I have an idea. If there's ever a situation where they're all kind of talking, and he is able to naturally slip in a story where someone doesn't wash their hands after taking a shit and how gross that is. Gotti coli. You know, you're like, yeah, this guy, no, didn't wash his hands. Yep.

this negative thing happened. He got pink eye. Also fucking disgusting. Can you imagine? Right, right, right. To the guy. Can you imagine? But here's what the guy does.

Yeah, fucking gross. Just keeps not watching his hands. Because here's the thing. Like, if you accuse him, you have no proof, it's like, yes, I do. Yes, I did.

What do you do then? If somebody says, yes, I did wash my hands when you know they're lying, you have no recourse. Yeah, that's true. And then here's my idea. Shut, you're the office manager. Shut the water off one day.

Right. the spigot. Right before this guy's about the shit, shut the water off. But then he can't flush. That's why I'm saying, I think there's a spigot under the sink. You don't cut the water off to the whole building.

You cut it off at the sink. You can go underneath the sink and cut it off. And then you're like, and you wait for him to shit and you come out, you're like, dude, I'm so sorry. The water was off. You couldn't even, oh, could you wash your hands? Because now you know for a fact the water was off

and he didn't wash his hands. So he can't lie about it. That's, that's, that's, maybe your only way to trap him into that. But still... Well, it depends if he's a reasonable human being. I think the reason I said the question is because recently a woman in my neighborhood, her dog took a big shit right at the bottom of my driveway.

Ooh. You know, like right, just right in the middle of my driveway, big shit. And my neighbor's like, yo, someone just let their dog take a massive shit. And I look at my cameras and I see the dog. I see the woman. And I was like, I'm going to say something. Yeah, okay. If I see her.

And I was like, wait, how do I do this? Because I can get a little confrontational. Sure. Like if I say something seriously, it sounds intense. Sure, sure, sure. I'm like, hey, hey, did you're, I can quickly. Too, I get that. And I was like, the best way to do it, I would, I'm going to, if I see her next time I see her,

because it's having like a week ago, I'm like, I'm going to pose it as a question. I'm going to be like, hey, you got bags? Just walking it on, you got bags? You got some bags? You need some bags? I got some bags. And if she says, no, I'll be like, got to have bags. Got to have bags. And if she says yes, I'll be like, okay, cool, just making sure because I did see you on my cameras.

Let your dog take a shit and walk away. Yeah. I mean, that's insane. That you're so in the right, though, to be like, hey, please don't let your dog. I don't even, that I don't even think you need to ask a question. I think you're so squarely in the right. Yeah. And you have proof.

I was considering printing. The screenshot. Oh. And sticking it on a on a pole. That's awesome. And my fiance was like, please don't do that. No, that's correct.

That's way too conversation to do you quick. In your situation, you could just say, hey, did you let, you can ask the question like, hey, was that? Because then she's like, no. Then you're like, well, that's interesting because I actually saw you and I was giving you the benefit of the doubt.

Yeah, I would really appreciate if you just didn't do that. If you didn't let your dog shit right in my driveway. Exactly. If she doubles down, then you appreciate it. it out. But you don't want to escalate. No, I'll wait. I can wait on that one. And if she can, if I see it again, yeah, she might get a printout. But it's just right at the base of the driveway in, in danger of being run over and smeared. Smear, dude, you don't want that. And then I was like, back, it's the hard driveway to back out of. And I was angling my wheels. So I was going

around this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then like, after a few hours, someone, someone's in it and it was just like, and it became uncleanable. Of course. Yeah, yeah. Just became part of the street. Part of the milieu of your driveway. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, I think in this case, I don't even, look, he's a grown man who doesn't wash his fucking hands. I don't know what to tell you. If you really feel super strongly about it, now again, if this is the kind of atmosphere I'm imagining where it's a warehouse office thing, the thing these guys do respond to is like, you could bust his balls about it.

Like you, I don't think being polite, be like, excuse me, Jeffrey. I noticed you didn't fucking wipe or you didn't wipe. That'd be awesome being you that. I noticed you didn't wash your hands. He's going to be like, fuck you nerd. But if you're like, you fucking scumbag or you, did you get shit on the, on the, hey, do you get shit on the fucking, hey, do you get shit on the fucking. Or you see him shake someone's hand. Hey, watch out.

This guy doesn't watch his hands after shit. Yeah, you just got shit particles on. Yeah, I'd wash your hands if you were, if I were in. Yeah, exactly. Because he doesn't wash his hands after he shits. Boom. That's the way. That's the way.

I think that's the way you, that's the only, again, if I'm reading the situation right. If this is like a warehouse guy who's like a, you know, blue collar guy who doesn't like to do, doesn't like to be challenged. That's the language those guys understand. Now, if you're in a reasonable office with reasonable people like Jimmy believes, naively believes that's how the world works. Yeah, you can have a conversation with him and it'll stop, I guess. but if you want the real shit, you got to embarrass this man until he fucking buys him.

I like that. Yeah. I would say depending on the man. Yeah, that's true. Either hit him with a little, the little nudgy question. It's a question with a smile, you know, like, hey, you wash your hand or? Yeah.

And it's a little ball busting. A little bit, yeah. But you're giving him the question. You got to strike the tone of light, you got a strike tone of light ball busting on the initial question. Yes. To open up, you don't want the initial question

to feel snitchy. And you don't want to feel ball busting. But you're right to say you don't want to be too serious if you're like, hey, yeah. Can I. So could I talk to you? Can we discuss about, do you have a minute later? Because then he's embarrassed. Totally.

And then the embarrassment turns to fuck off. Well, that's the thing. Yeah. He's unreasonable. He doesn't wash his hands after he shits. You think it's a guy you can reason with? Yeah. It is disgusting.

So anyway, that's my advice to you. I think we really solved everybody's problems, Alders. What do you think? I think so. Yeah. Jimmy, thank you so much, man. This was fucking awesome.

Anytime you're in town, please come. We'd love to have you again. Check out the Hawk, everybody. On Netflix, probably, probably by now. Come see us on tour. We are at this point. Actually, at this point, holy fuck.

When your show comes out, is the exact weekend we, I'm recording my special. Oh, nice. I had to postpone it because I broke my fucking arm. Where are you recording? At the lyric in Baltimore. I grew up in Baltimore.

I love that theater. Nice. It's going to be awesome. You know, buy your tickets. If you haven't, or actually, I guess it's happening right now or it's happening this weekend or it just happened. Either way, folks, check it out on Netflix, hopefully a couple months after The Hawk.

And then, yeah, you got The Hawk. And then honestly, I feel like a couple weeks later, Tyrus comes out too. So you got some nice comedy coming out on Netflix this summer, folks. That's season three? Season three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was fucking.

much. That's where we, this was the one where I was like, oh, we're actually making a show. Yeah. Like, we had locations. You know what I mean? Like, it was annoying because we had to schedule stuff. It's like, what do you mean we have to schedule stuff on the location? Can we just do every scene in the shitty office we've done the first two seasons? They're like, no, maybe we should make this professional look good. And I was like, fine. But it's really fucking funny. It's a great season. And it's going to be great. A lot of good comedy this summer, folks. And yeah, we'll talk to you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.