Stavvy's World - #189 - Johnny Pemberton

Episode Date: July 13, 2026

Johnny Pemberton joins the pod to discuss his new movie “Mermaid” out now on VOD, aging out of twinkdom, some of the most terrible things that have happened to him, missing an intestine, how AI could have changed the course of history, terrible business signs, being a Minnesota boy, and much more. Johnny and Stav help callers including a woman wondering if it’s weird to meet up with a gamer she played Xbox with and had a crush on in her youth even though they’re both in relationships, and a guy whose buddy’s wife infiltrated the group chat to get some dirt on the boys.   Watch Johnny Pemberton’s new movie “Mermaid” out now on VOD!   See Johnny Pemberton live and follow him on social media: https://www.johnnypemberton.dog/ https://www.instagram.com/johnny_pemberton https://www.youtube.com/justmynipples https://www.tiktok.com/@johnny_pemberton   Thanks to our sponsors! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW!   Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! Chubbies - Get 20% off with code STAVVY at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stavvy   ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Oh,pah. Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World. 9-04-800 stop. Call the Stavis World hotline presented by Visible, and we'll solve all your problems. We're here on a beautiful, beautiful summer day in Manhattan. And we've got first-timer Johnny Pemberton on the couch. What's up, Johnny? Hey, I'm first-timer. First-timer. Johnny Pemberton's on the couch.

Long-time timer. First-time dipper. We love when you dip for the first time. Nothing beats the first dip. And people don't know, but we do have a Home Depot bucket full of nacho cheese you have to dip your nuts into before you do the podcast. Before. But haven't we already started? You haven't dipped? You didn't dip your nuts in the nacho cheese bucket?

Oh, I was, I did it, but I didn't. You just did it for fun. You didn't know that was a part of it. I did it for me, but now and now that I know it's okay, it's like, okay. I thought I was fucking with you by doing that. No, no. I would have been pissed if you didn't dip your nuts in it. I was going to show you my orange nuts after the end of the podcast.

to show you that I had like, look what I did. I did it in the, I did it in the cheese. And you would have showed us and we were like, yeah, I mean, that's what you do. I would have been very disappointed. That's all right. I'm glad we got that out of, you know, we got that. So he has dipped his nuts in the nacho cheese Home Depot bucket. And don't bring a Lowe's bucket.

Don't do it. I don't know what that is. Is that a casino? Lose is. You know what? I guess there's Lowe's that it's a movie. Well, the one I'm thinking of is a competitor Home Depot. There's a big box.

Hotel. There's a. hotel. Maybe there's a casino. And there is, that's a type of movie theater, isn't it? I think so. Maybe it was. Elders? I feel like all theaters are done now. A little producing for fuck's sake, you motherfucker. Fresh off this guy just get back from a vacation. Where'd you vacay? It doesn't count as a vacation if you have to go for a wedding. No, no, no. It counts when you completely ruin our schedule. I was on a movie for a month. Did he go then? No. He went when I was, he went when I was. The wedding was locked, man.

Yeah. Oh, really? Did you go on a... When was the wedding? Before was the wedding, did the wedding just happen? Did the wedding happen at the beginning of the trip?

It was this weekend. You guys want me to leave? No, Johnny's safe. Adjudicate this. I got there's cheese out there. I got a fresh coffee. I'm good. We do have a nice snack set up.

We, okay, we have... We've been bragging about being in a new studio, but nothing has changed visually to the listener. Yeah, I'm... To me, I don't know. It looks like... There will be changes at some point. But the outside, every room outside of this is nice.

We got... The snacks are pretty nice out there. It's nice and cool, too. Nice and cool. Here... Some places are hot and you're like... This is offensive. We are working on that.

When's our AC renovation happening, eldest? Do you know? I'm waiting for a response still from this woman. But it is cool. It is very cool. It's... Outside is nice and cold. In here, we still need to get a little frigid.

You're not a fat guy. That's the thing. You got you're a slight man. Yeah, I'm pretty, I have like, if I took my shirt off, you'd be a little disappointed. No, I'm not saying you're hot. I'm just saying you're not fat. I wasn't taking that. I did not think that.

Believe me. I know, I wasn't confused about that at all. I can see you got some little titties probably. You know what I mean? Maybe a little ponch. Nothing wrong with that. A little ponson. A little ponson.

A little ponson. But the Ponson, I don't mind how a little ponson. No, no. Remember that dad bod shit they were trying to sell us years ago? Of course. I feel like that's like, like a sci op. I think the thing, you know, I as somebody who,

I think the dad-bod thing was purely just another, it's just repackaging of how much easier it is to be a man. Like every 30 years, there's a whole thing of like, you know. Now, I do think there's a little bit to it because you see all these like looks maxing guys or you see like a really jacked guy. And women straight up don't want to really fuck those guys. Some women do. I don't think anybody wants to even be near those guys.

They're scary. Gay guys want to fuck them. Yeah, but even then it's like, that's like part of the trade. For sure. They're like just in and out. Yeah. Living with, no one's living with clavicular. Ooh, I bet, you know, I bet Peter Thiel would love to have him chained up. Yeah.

And like, you know, have him in twink cage. Have like a fucking orangutanang in there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like rips off a cheek. Yeah, absolutely. I bet you that would be like a nice coup.

Because I'm assuming Peter Thiel's like Twinks are now anonymous that he can throw off a balcony whenever he wants. It would make, I wonder if it's a little. more juice if you get a famous sex slave if you try and groom. Johnny, look, we just talked about you got the little two. You're not his guy.

I'm twink. I'm almost aging out of the twink thing. I mean, I think I have aged out of it. Yeah, yeah. But that was the thing. I learned about that in L.A. my first, my first job, like maybe the first few weeks I was there. There was a guy who worked there. It was a gay man. And he said that word to me and I was like, what's a twink?

Yeah. And I was like, you found out the hard way. I had. Oh, shit. I have currency. Yeah. I've got some leverage on this guy. Yeah, yeah. When you first moved? Yeah. Because I looked like, I mean, I looked like I was someone's.

This is what, 40, 50 years? Yeah, this was 1974. And it was right when Darrell Zanick had just died. And they were restructuring the department. And they needed someone to come in and, you know, find a way to make these movies, these talks. They just weren't working. Right, right, right.

So, yeah, we're talking what? You moved to like, probably what? Like, what are we talking? 2006, 2005. Okay. So a smooth 20 years ago. Yeah, 10 years ago. It's so weird to say that word.

I know. Because now when I talk about stuff, like, I used to have like a reference. Like, oh, this was 10 years ago. And now I'm just, I say, oh, that was a long time ago. Right. Because I don't even know. Because also the pandemic just soaked up all that time. Of course.

Was it three years? Was it, you know, you didn't. see somebody for maybe four or five years and next thing you know, like, oh, I don't, oh, they're married. That's the thing. Shit, shit did get really crazy because it didn't feel in some ways with certain people, it's like you didn't miss a beat. Everything's exactly

the same. Maybe they have a different haircut. For example, I did grow. The pandemic is the reason I grew my hair out, which thank God. And I think we can all agree it was worth it. Because I never would have the courage to try bald long hair. That's a courage thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, courage, dude.

I mean, you have a lot of predecessors. I'm lyinghearted. You got Stephen Wright. Sure. Who else? The guy, that guy who's really tall who talks like this in movies, you know, they're really, he's like a character actor. He looks scary. I'm not, it's not, I'm not getting somebody right now. I don't know.

It did feel like you were just saying Stephen Wright again. It's honestly, he's like a really big guy. This is one of those things where, you know, 45 minutes later, you know, he, yeah, yeah. He was in one of the Bond movies. He was wearing a blue shirt in. You know, he had that line where he'd say dooby-duby, but it was different. It was like a sound. But he was really scary to, what's her name?

Not Diane Keaton, but she looks like Diane Keaton. She's still alive. I think it's not Diane Lane. Is she still alive? She's beautiful, by the way. And then let's not forget the movie where she cucks. Is serious? Richard Year.

Isn't that Diane Lane? I don't know. What movie's that? Right. Eldish, that feels like an eldest classic. You love movies for women. What was it called Unfaithful? Unfaithful, yeah, yeah.

I don't even know about this. That's a good one. Richard Geer gets cut. The movie's awesome. Richard Geer gets cut to big time. I know it. That's one of those classics. You find it as a teenager

because a hot actress is getting fucked in it. Right. And you jack off to it when you're 14. And then you watch and you're like, hey, this is a pretty good movie. You've heard of that movie. Unfaithful. It's actually good.

I think it's good, yeah. It's like 70s or 80s? No, 90s and maybe even? 90s. 80s? It was too. thousands, I believe. So this is not old at all.

This is now like... Early 2000. So that's, yeah, maybe that's a, that's, you know, I caught it fresh when it was on Mr. Skin, you know? Right. I'm slightly younger than you. So just that, that little changes and just that little windows enough, you know. Trying to remember that.

When was the perfect storm? Perfect storm. That was in, no, that was early 2000s, too. That was 2000. Yeah. So is this after perfect storm? After perfect storm? That's how I asked my life

The great dividing line in Hollywood It's in prayer post the perfect door This is a bedrock moment Oh yeah it's like APS or BPS That movie is studded It's like got everybody in it Everyone's like all these beautiful people

Who would never set foot Never be boaters In the state Yeah Right right right You never even go in that Is it Boston or is it I think it's some

Massachusetts You England bullshit Yeah God It's all be even like William Fickner, like young William Fittner, that guy was hot. Yep, yep. He was, you know, that is, and you got to be hot in different ways.

It's kind of circling back to the bald hair thing. Right. There was, though, look, I'm not going for hot bald. Hot bald. I'm going for a very specific thing. But there was, I feel like in the 70s and days, you could be just straight up bolding and and that kind of goes back to the dad bod thing, right? It's like, it's just so much easier to be considered a sexy man.

compared to a woman which like and I think that's what the I do believe that is what the all the dad bod shit was and then guys and then this would happen were just straight up fat guys would be like yeah dad bodd's like guys they're not talking about us yeah that's fine they're talking about a guy who can bench press a lot

but has a layer of a thin layer of of fat over his like nice muscles talking about the dad at the baseball game who catches the ball while holding the baby and has the beer like that shit that's the dad bod and you know what I think dad had a lot to do with it because psychologically it's like someone who is in their child's life, a man they can depend on.

Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? A dad who's there. Who's there? I think it was really, it's really crazy. It's like, I really just want, we need to figure out like a seminar or something, eldest. Like, I want to speak to incels directly.

Oh my God. Because it actually is the easiest it's ever been to be a good guy. It's so easy. You can stand apart so easy by just like sort of being kind. Just do anything. Just do anything. Have one hobby. What you have like one thing like you don't have to play the guitar just have so have a guitar yeah yeah yeah be a guitar collector that's something know about something because to me when I was you know before I got laid which was not I did not get laid in high school right like so I was an in cell then mm-hmm you're probably a slight little boy oh I was the fucking you had little bird bones I was a little lady I was like a like a girl I bet you were really a really cute child I guess so because you have like this twinkle in your eyes to

does not match with your current body. You have a sense of wonderment. I'm done. I'm done. Jesus Christ. I don't have the twinkle. I just have the fucked up body. I'd love twinkle.

The twinkle without the twink. Yeah, the twink is dead, but the twinkles alive and well in your eyes. Yeah. It's something like that. But you remember, just like you try to get laid. Yeah.

Like the fact they have a name for it, it's like, guys, don't have a fucking name for it. I know. I know. Why are you telling people? Totally, totally. Don't tell anybody until you get it done. Then you tell people, hey, guys, I was a virgin.

I used to be, yes, that's true. That is true. That's really what, you're right, because when we were growing up, the fear was being a virgin forever. Oh, my God. But once you got pussy once, you're like, great. I'll go, I'll go six years without getting pussy. I'm not a virgin. You know what I mean?

It's this thing of like, go ahead. Oh, I was saying, you did it. Yeah, it's just this thing of like, I don't know. It's like maybe these guys need to, maybe they are virgins. I don't know. But either way, you know. Oh, I guess it doesn't mean that, right? It means involuntary celibates.

They could have had. Involuntary celibacy. Right. But it seems like once you figure out how to pick the lock once, you're going to. You should be, yeah. Yeah, the locks changes a bit. It's like everything else. You used to be able to buy something.

Now everything is subscription service. Oh, God. Even getting pussy, it's like you have to renew every month or else you're a loser. It's like, that's not how it used to be, man. You used to be able to get pussy four times a year. and talk about it with your boys. And that, you know, obviously it would run out of steam eventually. And then you get in a relationship and, you know, all this kind of thing.

But it is, I don't know. I wonder, anyway, we got it. We got to go fucking town to town, barnstorming, getting the incels together. I would love to do that, actually, because I really feel like, they just need to have someone like slap them in the face. And just like, stop. Just do something. Yeah. Do anything at all.

Just be nice. Smile. Take a shower. Have you ever, hey, bro, have ever tried? Yeah. Like, just try. Try really hard. There's so many ugly dudes who are like...

Yeah, I think part of it too is like no one's rewarded with... Like, it actually... They are right in that everything in society is harder now. Like when you try in... Like everything but interpersonal relationships, right? Like, like, actually even interpersonal relationships

because most people don't live in like cool city, walkable cities where people are mingling. A lot of people are in like a fucking, you know, in some shitty sub. where they can't, where they can't, you know, connect to people. But I think, like, it is harder to fucking get a good job. It is harder to, like, do anything.

And I think if you just feel like a loser in every sense, you think, well, if I can't get these things done, how am I going to get, you know, affection from a woman? And they've thought that it's all, it's all transaction-based. When the reality is, you have to be cool. But, like, yeah, that's the only thing you don't need any of that shit for. If you're cool, like, human love is like a thing even, fucking cavemen were up to.

There's women who date like basically homeless guys. Yes, absolutely. He's so cool. Yeah. He's so funny, you know? Totally. That was the thing like being a comedian. I used to be in a band.

Yeah. That was the whole point of being in a band was like... The whole point. Like maybe, maybe. Yeah, yeah. Just maybe. The amount of effort you put into it just to maybe... And what kind of, what style band are we talking here?

For a while, it was like just Nirvana. and Smashing Pumpkins covers. Then I would play in like a jazz trio for all high school and stuff. But that also, that gets you like, you know, divorcees want to talk to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It definitely was not, no. It was nothing. Transitioning to jazz trio in high school is a really funny move.

It was. It was fun. I loved it, but it definitely was not. Did you keep playing music afterwards or no? A little bit. It's just hard to have a band because you have to, like, you know, feel with the flakiest people on Earth. Of course.

and I just wasn't that it was good but one of my good friends was so good he went to music school I'm like well if you don't go to music school then it just becomes a hobby I still have my bass and stuff I played drums a little bit

with like a band but you know it's just like you just want to do that shit to feel cool I feel like high school kid like I tried to learn guitar couldn't do it fingers too stubby

sausage fingers too fat I should have gotten a little guitar like a violin like a wide violin It's a fiddle. Fiddle's not bad. That would probably get some, yeah, get some pussy with the fiddle. I can't play anything.

I have no musical acumen whatsoever. And I wish music is so much better than comedy. It's not even close. It's not even fucking close. It's so not even close at all. It's so probably. Like you could just, you could go just into a complete different country and sell out a fucking arena.

That's what I'm so jealous by all those guys. They can all go to go to Japan. Yeah. You can play tons of dates in Japan. Yeah. Except Elvis. Colonel Tom never let him go to fucking Japan. right something like yeah

yeah you're the fucking Colonel Tom historian dude you should know who's Colonel Tom he's the the fat German that Tom Hanks played in the Bosnerman Elvis movie I didn't see it it's pretty good is it it honestly it's Elvis I can't stand Elvis

can't stand Elvis I mean I just really can't I mean it took yeah why what does the disdain for Elvis Star just his music I feel like it feels like I don't know it's just all it's like you know that music where it's like

you know that music where it's like Like, ba-d-da-d-d-d-d-d-da-ha-hae, you know. It's like a 1950s nightmare or something like that where you can't stand it. That's interesting. I was a big Elvis. As a baby, I liked Elvis. See, that makes sense. As like a little kid.

It's baby music. It kind of, I kind of know what we're talking about. That's when the minds of the American populace were simpler and docile, you know. You didn't have to think too much. You knew President Eisenhower. had your back. Right. You know, and yeah, did a couple, did we have to round up a couple Japanese Americans and put them in a camp? Sure. What happened? Is it? What happened? But the president wouldn't do anything wrong. No, he was squeaky clean. He was Ike.

He's the president. And I don't mean, that was FDR. I know. Every Republican get off my dick saying, oh, your socialist president put Japanese, shut up. Yeah, the point stands, okay? Shout out to FDR, except for that. That I don't fuck with FDR. getting pussy from many mistresses and dying in the hot beds or the hot. That's like every president, though, isn't it? He died at the hot springs? Nah, just a good, honestly the cool ones. Except Clinton.

Clinton was kind of a piece of shit. But Kennedy and FDR, yeah, pretty cool. Do you think FDR was on lots of drugs and stuff? Ooh, that's a great question. JFK was definitely on. JFK was tons of speed. Yeah, he was, he was honestly getting some speedballs going. Oh my God.

He had a bad back, so I'm sure he had some kind of weird. Well, bad back. Pain. Everybody who takes drugs has a bad back. Like, didn't Cobain have a bad back? I don't know. He had some sort of a pain thing, which is like the ultimate way to, like, oh, dude, I know. I got to take my medicine now.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, man, my medicine. I have to. Dude, you know how I threw my back out this year and it, and I was just like, I cannot start taking pills. No, it's so, it's fucking bad. I know it would fuck me up. Instead, I started doing, I mean. Ceroids?

No, a little bit of, yeah, I have a cortisol shot in my back. That's great though. It is good, but you can't do it forever. But what I was doing as a painkiller was straight up 100 milligrams of edibles. So I was like... Oh, man. I think that's anti-pane for me. It worked, but my brain was mush.

And I had this... And even right now, I'm like... But I slept so... I slept like 14 hours every day. I can't... If I take this stuff, I cannot sleep. Really? Like weed makes me like...

I have to take like a sleeping pill. If I have too much weed, I can't... I cannot fucking sleep. It's just like fucking... Like a little elves Just marching and dancing Hey, it's time for the show Time for the show

I'm like fucking it's three o'clock in the fucking morning Is there a specific anxiety that gets to you When you're with it's not having anxiety It's just uh Too much going My mind is just going It's like chugging I think that's like a fundamental difference

Between two people Is if does weed make you sleep you Does weed like wake you up? Interesting Yeah I'm a sleepy I'm definitely a sleepy guy Although I had a little weed I'm here's how much

I like I now know each week I gain more knowledge about weed Really? And like now I know which edibles make me nervous Like I know the brands I know like which brands which whatever One really fucked me up yesterday like three days ago I tried to sleep And that happened to me And it was actually brutal because I was just thinking like fuck dude You fucking suck

It was just the most negative shit And usually I'm just in a blissful Like it's usually I like I would take it when I was depressed and I wanted to just fast forward a couple days. Really? Because I would get so fucked up. Man, I wish I could do that.

It was fun until it goes into that, it hits that anxiety vein and it was like, and it just makes you think things that you know logically you don't believe. They're not true at all. They're not true at all. It's like it was shit talking me, my friends. Like just the fact that it got to like my friends was crazy. It's like, why is my brain shitting on my friends right now? Why did you choose that guy?

And I was just like fucking And then And then I have to just like Scroll Or listen to a podcast Yeah Put my mind I couldn't even I can't even read

When I'm that kind of That kind of high Do you look at TikTok at all? I Right now I'm really That's a no right I don't I don't do TikTok But I mean

Instagram Reels is the exact same fucking thing I feel like it's not I feel like TikTok is different TikTok is like a deeper More addictive thing Because like Instagram Reels is basically at least for me it's like this is trash

yeah yeah yeah something about TikTok man it's so addictive I hate it I fucking hate it yeah I have to fucking I have to just like we need to hire another we need a different friend of ours to just hold my phone so I never have to look at it I need to just hire someone to just like

read me I want to go Nolan mode where Christopher Nolan says he doesn't have a flip phone but it's like he has a flip phone or I'm sorry he does have a flip phone he's never had he's never used email he's never, he's never had a smartphone. And it's like, but somebody's doing that for you. Yeah, someone's doing it.

It's like saying, I don't tie my shoes or something. Well, they're tied. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm sure that's good for it. Like, definitely that's helped him be that, you know, one of the generational filmmaker. And, but he is pushing that off to someone. And what I'm saying is I'd like to push that off to someone.

I'd like to make someone have to fucking answer my email. Because my brain has been, the last couple days been kind of mush, but we're getting it back. We'll get, we'll get back in there. I mean, by the time people are hearing this, you know what? I'm not going to stop. I'm going to stop actually talking about what's happening in the future. Because we did a couple episodes where I was like, and by now the special's done. And then I broke my arm. So I'm not saying that we're about to shoot the special. We're not, you know, but when people are hearing this, who fucking knows? I'm not even going to, I'm not going to start talking about the future, but there might be some

planes coming for us right now. That's true. There could be a really low planes. Some really low planes. Really good pilots with making really poor choices about what kind of terrorism to do. Because taking out the Stabby Baby Enterprises Global Headquarters, that is not what I would target if I was trying to destabilize New York. Personally, but who knows? What would you target? I don't want to say. You want to say that a lot?

You don't want to say... I don't want to help plan 9-11-2. That would be crazy if we did have a second one. It was called... It keeps going. Yeah. Yeah, we can't help. It's 9-11, too.

What if they did it on 9-12? That would be very... That would be convenient for the like, the like, you know... They don't have a guy now who can do that. No. Like Bin Laden was the guy. They're like... You think there's a dearth of terrorist talent out there right now?

They're scrambling right now. We're in a low... We're in a fallow period for terrorism. It's like the QB room on like the worst football... Yeah. It's like a bad draft. Yeah. It's like, God!

The Jamarcus Russell draft. Like the Bears five years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's the number one pick, but he can't throw. Yeah, we got the mixture of Osama bin Laden's right now. Like the Vikings before KOC. Yeah. Are you, you're from Minnesota.

Minnesota. Also I grew up at least, yeah. You grew up there, okay. Yeah. Where you were, uh, I honestly, sick place. I think it's great. It's great, you know, it's very cold. Yeah, that's tough.

And it's also, I don't know. I like it a lot. I do like going back there, but I don't want, never leaving there is different. Have you heard like it's like the number one, not number one, but it's like pretty high up there on the apocalypse rankings. Oh, definitely.

Because it's all the fresh water. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, all the arable land, all the good spaces and stuff. I think a lot of motherfuckers are buying, like rich motherfuckers are buying bunkers. It's been bought. All the land along Lake Superior.

Like it's all rich people buying it up because it's fresh water and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's too late. Too late for us to pivot? We could probably get like a, buy a little lake or something like that. Fucked. I would like to do that. If I get some real money, I want to buy like a compound up there on like some lake, like an hour of Minneapolis maybe.

That's awesome. Yeah. I've been a lake skeptic, my... Really? Because I'm a beach guy. Oh, man. And I like... Yeah.

This, if you grew up on a lake, you get it. I just think, you know, the big ass lakes are cool, but I just, I hate murky little ass fucking water. They're not murky. Okay. Bad ones are murky. Okay. When you get a good one, it's like, ooh. Because it's like, the temperature's warm and the shallows.

I don't know. You know what? Also, I haven't been in a lake in a while. So this is like memory talking. I might go to the lake and be like, oh, man, what the fuck is this? This, they change this lake. They put dirt in the lake. Who's putting, do they paint the bottom of this?

And why is there algae in the lake now? But they can be great though But that's true I guess really what we're talking about Is just everything you think you like You're just remembering when you were young The best version of it It's just your youth

It's just like you miss being a little kid on summer vacation Which might be Is that the best feeling you'll ever get Is like a great Like a great summer day On summer vacation When you're a little ass kid I've seen like a girl on a bikini

who like, oh. Yeah. That's nice. Like, you didn't know that was going on? It's just the beginnings of getting horny because you don't have the ugliness

of when it takes over your life. Yeah. And it turns you into Neanderthal and you're like, Dr. Jekyll. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it Mr. Hyde? I think Mr. Hyde is the fucked up one.

Yeah, the one who just like, you're like a wraith. Yeah. Like the for the ring, but it's, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what Mr. Hyde was up to. Hyde's the bad one.

Yeah. Because the doctor can't be bad. Doctor can't be bad. No doctor's ever done anything bad. No? Never, never. There's never a weird new story about a dentist injecting his own jizz in his patient's mouths or whatever

or like a fertility doctor who like... Yeah, they're all bad. It's so crazy. All those guys, it's just crazy. That's another thing like the men don't have to deal with usually. It's all women. Like, anytime you go down, you have to think like... That is true.

It's just kind of going to like... Is this super nice guy going to be the worst human alive? Right. Why I'm sleeping? Yeah. It's like, fucking Christ. I don't want to know anything ever again. It's like I know all the bad stuff at this point.

I just want to coast with that. Sure. I can dip in once in a while with a nightmare. But now I'm like, I'm kind of filled up with knowing about, oh, that, oh, that happened. That's horrible. Life is a nightmare. Yeah. No more new atrocities.

I just want to. I guess it gets the point that where you're so numb to atrocities. Yeah. Just like, oh, yeah, life's bad. And hopefully we just have a. couple nice meals going on a couple of vacations you know what it like you're just trying to get the good good stuff see you know you know watch a watch like a baby walk for the first time you know what i mean like see some beautiful shit but even that sometimes like my brother just had a kid and some and i'm like the kids

i love him right he's he's the man my nephew but sometimes i'm like you're so fucked oh my god sucks dick yeah like i don't know how it could be a parent for you because right now is the best time in your life of being a baby so fucking awesome. And I have a niece. It's the same thing. I don't know how you're a parent because you have to like navigate that stuff. How do you tell the kid, don't do this, don't do that?

Are you going to let them see an iPad? Like you know it's bad. Right, right, right. But also, yeah, fuck that. And then that's just a used to, even the stuff in a perfect world, it's like you will experience heartbreak. You will have some kind of physical accident.

at some point your body will deteriorate. You know what I mean? They're just like so many elements of life. The ones you love us right now, these adults that love you and will do anything for you, we're going to die. We're going to fucking die. It's going to be brutal for you.

So I think about the stuff that I dealt with, I can't believe, like if my kid told me that stuff, I would like, okay, I can't do anything but think about this thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're experiencing secondhand. Yeah. Oh, like what?

So what are some of the most horrible things that have ever happened to you. I mean... I'm kidding. You don't have to have to have that. This camera here? Just directly to camera. No, no, you don't have to say that.

But actually, I do, because I am a fan of the dough boys podcast. And I did hear one of the most fucked up things of all time that happened to you, which is... Oh, what was it? Just you don't have a fucking, like, intestine or some shit? Well, it didn't really happen. It wasn't like an event. Okay, okay. It didn't like, nailed down.

They took it out. Oh, my God! Yeah, it was kind of like a lot. long protracted thing. Which might be worse. I don't know. I guess so. It's also,

I've been dealing with it for so long. It's one of those things where I just, you know, that's just how your life is. I'm like, if there's a bathroom somewhere, I'm like, that's the bathroom.

Right. Where they have bathrooms all the time. Right, right, right, right. You used to have like a crazy six cents for bathrooms, like a thing where... That's very useful. Oh my God. It was crazy.

I've impressed people with, okay, that's the bathroom right there. Yeah. What the fuck is you know that? Okay, there's a water fountain so that means this. Yeah. There's probably pipes there.

There's so many steps from that. You kind of could be a plumber. You're like half a plumber just because you've always had to shit your whole life. I don't want to fix toilets and shit because I've clogged so many toilets in people's houses. You've got to learn to fix that fucking toilet. Oh, you got to have a seminar with Eldis. Eldis? Eldis, how many plungers have you door-dashed in your life, Elders?

Oh, I've never door-dashed to plunger. But the first time I came to your apartment, I had to go out that night to buy plunger. Oh, I remember. I remember. I remember. You really, you really christened my, my,

my, my new apartment. Was it a big shit? Not really. I don't know. I mean, I don't know. I always think I'm like kind of reasonable

on the paper. You're not. Probably fold too much. You're not. You've clogged every toilet we've ever shared in our lives. You know what I will say? I was just in Amsterdam.

I have never clogged the European toilet yet. What's going on with that? You're not allowed to flush paper in Europe. They also have bigger holes. They have like really big holes. Oh, they have like really big holes.

I think it is, I think it is a big hole. I think it's like better water pressure too. Like the water of the toilet really gushes out. I guess it depends where you are. I don't know. You've never clogged an Albanian toilet. Well, I guess Albanian don't you just, uh, uh, it's like a guy.

Yeah, you just dig a hole in the ground. We got toilets about 10, 15 years ago. You're Albanian? Yeah. That's cool. That's like the place where, you know, you always try to get people to go there. No one's like, I'm going to go to

go to Greece, man. places first. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, actually, you know what? Shout out to Albania. I respect. They fucking, they were protesting against Jared Kushner.

Oh, right. Yeah. The Kushners are trying to steal fucking land from Albania. Those fucking cock suckers. Shout out to Albania, man. Destroy everything, those pieces of shit try and build on your land. Yeah. You know what?

The ironic racism towards Albania ends with the caveat. I'm still doing it to eldest. But everybody else, I respect. you. I love you, Albania. Shout out to you. America could use a little bit of that. But they did it, right? They overturned it. I think they paused it temporarily at least. Look, the thing is, it's probably going to, you know. I thought they did it for real. You're up against a lot, but I do think, I mean, that's, unfortunately, we're kind of in an era where evil is winning objectively. And, and like, they know that you can just wait out.

You can just wait out. You just time them out. You just time them out. They have all the resources in the world. So that's what I'm saying. But they don't know what it's like to go. against fucking brickheaded Albanians. Respect to you guys. You get something. I mean, I mean, you should be afraid of protests in the country

where like barely anyone works. You know, people are ready to go. They got time. Dude, they're sharpening their sights. I also saw this awesome clip of a protester and he was like,

he's basically threatening the prime minister's life. He was like, he was like, he was like, I pray that, I pray that God takes mercy on him. And then at the end, he like switches to.

English with a heavy accent. He's like, fuck your mother. Fuck your sister. Oh man. That's awesome. He's so eloquent in Albanian. He's like,

may his sins be forgiven. May the evils he's done upon this country be washed away, like the rising tide. And then he's like, we fuck pussy with knife. We put knife in pussy and rip apart. Evanker,

you have stick to go in to ass out of pussy. You'll be blood from ass will be a mouth for me You're having problem with your nipples Be chewed off by fish You will be alive drowning As nipples are eaten by We wrap nipples in worms

And have fish nibble at them We cut your hair to be ugly And now you must go make life as whore As guastja Oh, fuck yeah. So shout out to Albania, man. And shout out. Everybody should be reacting.

Listen, take a look at what they're doing in Albania to the Jared Cushers. Think about doing that to data centers is what I'm saying as a joke on this joke podcast. It's all a joke. Wouldn't it be funny if you like, I don't know, found a way to wire bomb? That would be funny. Like a joke. Yeah. Like in a cartoon, if we wrote a cartoon.

You do a lot of voiceover work. Totally. distinctive great voice. Maybe we do a cartoon where you're a data center that's been set on fire. What would that sound like, Johnny? Probably sound like this.

I froze up. Yeah, great. That's what it would sound like. The one guy who works there. The one job they've created is one guy. It's just Homer Simpson. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a worse than Homer Simpson.

God, I've heard guys arguing about those data centers. You've ever seen the guys who are the pro? No. The guys, you've listened to Coast to Coast AM? I don't know. It's like this old AM radio shows that's been around forever. It's like, you used to be about aliens and all kinds of stuff. And, you know, as with all stuff like that, it's trending to the rights.

Sure. And everyone gets older. Which is a shame, by the way. It's such a, it's the biggest shame. Conspirations used to be kind of a, just be fun. Hippy shit, too. Yeah, like sometimes it was like communists. Like, first of all, a lot of left conspiracy theories are just true.

It turns out we are run by pedophiles. You know, it's like a lot of like, like, or just cap, like the ruling class is trying to kill you is just true. Like, it's not really a conspiracy theory. And then, I don't know, I guess like aliens and shit. But it used to, it used to be nonpolitical, I guess. It used to be an apolitical. You were just insane and a fun guy to talk to. But yes, they've been harnessed, unfortunately, a little bit by the right.

Because all those people are super paranoid. So a lot of them have had like, you know, very bad stuff happened to them. Yeah. So they're so paranoid about stuff. And now they're like, they see these right wing people who are feeding into that paranoia. And so they jump on that. They're like basically victims of how that those fucking hucksters. Yeah, dude.

It sucks. It used to be someone calling up. It was a call in show. If you want to hear like a character, man, that show. That's awesome. Some lady in like Rhode Island who's calling up saying, how. So I have a hundred rabbits, but three of them are able to speak to me. And they've been doing this for a few years now. And the host, George, always like,

what language do they speak? There's never a question. It's never like, really? They never doubt it at all. That's awesome. Someone's saying that, that's like a normal thing. There's guys who call up who are fully, super deeply bipolar. Right. Who were saying, like, George, I know something. things about to happen. I'm the only one who knows. Right. It's like, okay.

Great. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All those guys now, they're all like, you know. So what was going on to the, what were they, talked, how did we start talking about this? Was it something about you ever listened to AM? Oh, there's like a guy who's listened to it to fall asleep here tonight.

And there's a guy who's like a pro data center guy. Oh, yeah, someone. Yes. And he's like got that lobbyist voice, you know. Of course. Sounds like Sydney Lou Met or something. It was like, don't know. There's nothing to worry about.

Right, right, right. It's innovation. The jobs we're creating. These are very high-paying jobs. Hundreds of jobs. And actually, no, no, no. Those are the old data centers with the diesel. These are gas.

Like he says the word gas so fast. You almost came to hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fucking, oh. It's just been, it's so clear that all you have to do is just lie. Oh, yeah. And that's always been the truth, but it's like, they used to have to kind of make it seem like, base it, in fact.

I just think about the Iraq war versus the Iran war. It was like they fucking, they made Colin Powell who was like a, you know, decorated war veteran. I was a big fan of his too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back in the day. Yeah, back in the day when we're kids, we're like, well, he's, you know, he's a general. We should listen to him. But they just made that guy give up so much of his personal credibility to pretend there was WMD.

Like, there used to be real sacrifices to certain people. Now they're just like, yeah, it's actually, we're just going. We're actually killing people in Venezuela because, uh, they're, uh, they're drug guys. Oh, yeah, they're drug guys. They just keep coming. They just keep coming. And it's like, you could just do, it's kind of, we're kind of, I, it's crazy to be nostalgic for, hey, can we get back to the, when evil Republicans lied to us as if we

were smart for even a second? Now they're like, no, it's fucking, they had a bomb or whatever the fuck. They had no shame. It's like they had no shame. Like all you see these clips of C-SPAN or something where you've got like some, Democratic congressperson interviewing like a Republican, whatever the fuck they are. And they'll be saying all these facts.

And the guy is just, they don't, there's no shame at all. No, that's actually not true. Which is a good, honestly, it's like a smart, we just have to start playing fucking dirty at this point. I mean, actually, we're just on a such a post-truth society. We're so fucked. And AI is, the one thing AI is going to be good for is putting,

is making a you know of democrat running in a red state that might win making them seem gay that's the only thing AI would be good for and just barely fucking taking them down you see that guy who had this his photo enhanced look like he was all muscular yes what the fuck that was awesome and that's something they can probably just shrug off and say that was never out there yeah they can say it yeah yeah there's no you can't verify anything now

like I can't even verify shit Yeah, about myself. If someone told me it's AI, but I do that? Yeah, I guess it's AI. Yeah. I don't even know. I do think the one good thing about it is that

I think what they've done, what I'm hopeful, is that it will be seen as, it's like the aesthetic for really low-class shit. Oh, yeah. Because like AI is taken over. You go to a fucking bodega. You go to a food truck.

You go to like a laundromat. Like, just like, you know, cash businesses that. operate on like lower, you know, the margins. The margins. Like it's just guys who like, before that it was a hand drawn sign. They drew on a fucking whiteboard. They're like, yeah, fuck it.

I can get like a, I can just AI a menu. But like that will look cheap in a bad way. And so that's all I'm hoping is that eventually how low class it looks or just how uncreative. It does look low class. I got to show you this sign I saw yesterday by my hotel, man. This is like, this is the opposite of a. I want this sign so fucking bad, man.

This, I just want this fucking sign. And I would like to, and while Johnny's looking, I would like to say, if you use AI, you are a corny bitch. If you use it for anything creative, you're a fucking idiot. That's incredible. It just says we, I mean, this, yeah, show that, send it. Can you see that? Text it to me, we'll pop it in. That's beautiful.

I mean, that is just the greatest sign of all time. That's really good. That is the anti-AI-I totally. But yeah, it's okay. not be creative. That's the other thing. It's like, dude, I don't fucking, if there was like, if there was like a, if there was a thing where I could type in a video and it's like me, me scoring 20 points in an NBA game, that didn't happen. Why am I in, why would I watch that and be like, whoa, that's like these guys being like, look, I get if you want to draw. You can't

fucking draw. Figure out the thing that you're good at. You want to make movies great, but you can't fucking do it. You suck dick at it. You're not creative. But I'm sure you're good at other stuff. Why do you want to It just It also proves that Everybody who's like Art is fucking gay And it doesn't matter

They actually want to They want to be creative It's cool And now they think they can do Computers to do it And that's just not how this shit works You're good at fucking computers Go keep stealing money from people

You're doing great You fucking vampires Why do you also want to be creative Anyway It's kind of in cell It is Like AI is sort of like Maybe that's the in cell

route out Or maybe it's like Burling in. It's probably burling in deeper. It's burrowing and deeper. Because then... I don't need a girlfriend. Exactly.

I'll make fucking... I have Aikiko. My 40-G Waysian girlfriend that exists on my iPad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, every once in a while, I am...

My lizard brain is completely taken over by big, bobbling AI tities. I've never, I've never looked at that. Yeah. I don't even know what I'm referencing. Did I get it right? Did I get it right? The physics.

The physics are just like captivating because she goes left and they kind of go. I know, I know. They lag a little bit. They lag a little bit. In a way that's not real to real life, but is real to the video games you used to beat off to when you were 11 or whatever.

Yeah, real enough. The lag. DOA, Dead or Alive Beach volleyball type shit. That's my super specific thing. I've got to find a perfect lag. Physics lag. physics lag, mass lag. I'm a mass lag guy.

I think, oh hell yeah, dude. I got to get the mass to fucking bobble around. I think like I saw like in the World Cup there's so much, there's so much AI hot girls. Is there really? I don't watch any. No, I just mean like on the internet. They'll just be like, check it out. It's Germany came. Germany's hottest chick.

But it's just like, these are clearly AI girls. Yeah. But for one second it gets me too. And I'm like, I think if, like, if you go back and think about what technology would be the most useful to take over the world, I mean, probably it's just guns, right? But if you had like a, if you could print out pictures of AI women that look like that and tell like a peasant, like, here, man, here's a hundred of these women. If you guys all fight my enemies, you'll get to fuck all of these ladies. You could probably have army. I bet you could take,

I bet you could become like a, you could become like a landed, you could take over like England in the 1100s or whatever the fuck. Or even, not even that old. Maybe like the 19, we'd have,

it would have to be the 19, like, tens when photographs were first starting. So people were at least familiar with it. But if you went and, you know, you could clean up big time. You could clean up big. What's that saying? What's the old Arthur C. Clark saying?

Any advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just go back a little bit. Totally. If you have a fucking iPhone, you could probably rule the world. I don't think of that because I don't know. What would I do if I went back in time with an iPhone?

Just show them videos until it fell, until it burned. Yeah, because you have to bring like a special You have to bring a bunch of batteries. Bring a solar battery charger. Oh, a solar charger. But then the second some fucking barbarian smashes it, you're like, ah, oh. I guess ultimately

it's probably guns. Yeah, guns. What are we going to do? Hand out pictures of ladies with big days. That would be the funniest guy to just be like the guy who thought like tits is what I need like you ask the genie

What do you want? Um I want a thousand pictures of women with big tits He's like what Geney he says Are you sure you want this? You just do that at kinkos man Well I also want to go back in time

I'm gonna use the picture of tits to stop Hitler Stop in Hitler With huge tis Yeah give Hitler AI so he can make His shitty art He never becomes a dictator Oh that's interesting That might actually

But what if you give him AI and he's like, he just shows everybody pictures of like blonde ladies with huge stitches. He's like, this actually is what we're going for. Flaidin. They're like, oh, fuck, dude. You know what I mean? Like, that's tough. So I don't know. That can go either way.

Either he just stays at home making AI or he becomes even more powerful. I mean, he kind of was pretty powerful. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I don't want to make it more powerful. You kind of went as far as you could get. Like it did take like. But what if that pushes him over the edge?

The two biggest armies in the world. Like, whoof. Yeah. This is this is hard, man. They had to throw millions of Russians at him. But what if, what if he's all, what if at D-Day, he unfurls to huge banners with laser with huge tits? And all the, all the guys like, they're just drooling, getting shot in the head.

What if Saving Pride Ryan started like that? And it's like, they're coming out. And then it's like, whoa, dude, look how big those tits are. And then, I don't know. Something to think about. We would have never know. Military historians call in. Let us know.

I forgot about that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's exciting. It is exciting. What did you forget about? Oh, getting calls. Oh, yes.

We are going to do some calls. That's very fun. Why don't we go? You know, you forgot about it, Johnny, but I didn't forget about the Stavi's World Hotline presented by Visible. We're about to take some calls right now and solve some people's lives. Aren't we, Elders? What do we got first, little buddy? Hey, Stavi, baby.

Hey, Stavi, baby. I'm calling to get your advice. on how I should proceed or not proceed with the situation. So I'm in my late 20s, and when I was 13, 14, I used to play a lot of video games on Xbox Live. Nice. So I met a few people when I was young, gotten a few online Xbox Live relationships. And in one of those, I've managed to keep up with one person who I've known for quite a while now. We met when we were like 13, 14, and we're both in our late 20 years.

Thank God you're the same age. That was really, I was really worried. Like, okay, I didn't hear that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I have no knowledge is this. First question, Eldis. Okay, so I'm glad you to get groomed over Xbox Live. 20s early.

Committed long-term relationship, but we've also kind of toyed around with the idea of meeting up with each other. hilarious. The bonds of playing Halo in 2013 run very deep for certain people. Because the imagination is running wild. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's, by the way, that's fucking insane. I guess let's hear her out, but you're out of your fucking mind.

But let's finish it unless we're missing something. Nothing. Every time we've talked, it's been platonic, it's been friendly, nothing too flirtatious. Not yet. I can understand how it might be weird for his partner and for my partner to be like, you want to cross the state to go meet some person that you used to talk to on Xbox with? Like, that's weird. So I even try and do it.

Is it too weird? Is it like towing the line of cheating? This is bad. Yeah, I don't want to be daft and pretend like it's not. It could look totally weird. So what do you think should I still meet up with this person? How might I present this to them? Or should I abandon it entirely?

So thank you so much. I would love to hear your input, and I love the show, and blah, blah, blah, blah. Bye. Okay, so at first I thought she was explicitly saying she wanted to have an affair with her friend from Xbox Live. But now it seems like, now I'm actually kind of sad because it feels like she wants a friend. Like, the second half of this felt like friendship. Also, why? It doesn't seem like, what's the point?

I think because what we were talking about earlier, it's like it's so hard to form connections that like a lot of people, like, honestly, people, people that started like, I think the Xbox chat rooms and the fucking PlayStation and whatever like online gaming was one of the first places we saw. It was almost an accident that it created

like online friendships. Yeah. But they were real like before Discord existed. That was kind of the only way you could really talk to someone back in the day. And so I see why like if this girl, basically as long as our caller here

has truly innocent if you really want, there's two questions here. Do you just want a friend? Is that really what this comes down to? She didn't say that basically, right? It sounded like that. And there's, okay, so there's two.

So she seems like she wants something like tonic, great, nothing wrong there. And look, if you wanted to cheat, we could counsel you on that too. We were basically your defense attorneys. We could have told you how to do it. Not that I necessarily think you should, especially with a guy you met on fucking Xbox Live,

you know, 15 years ago or whatever the fuck. But that's one thing is, is, okay, so you wanted to be platonic? Great. The second thing is, do you think he wants it to be? My big sticking point here is like, what are his intentions? Because look, this could just be a dork who, you know, because otherwise, because basically if we say you can't do this at all, it's kind of misogynistic to be like, well, a woman can't have a friend.

If she meets up with a male friend, it's fucking. Because he's in a relationship and so is she. And so to me, here's the absolute easiest. answer here is like, why does this have to be a one-on-one hang? I say keep it on. If it started online, keep it online. Interesting. Because if you're meeting up in person, the only reason to ever do that is to like accelerate to a different zone. If you're in a relationship and you're happy and so is he,

supposedly. Right. Then I just like, what's, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. I mean, I guess I see what you're saying and I also tend to agree. But I, I wonder if that's a little bit of like slightly generational because I'm just coming around to the idea that like so many people younger than us. Yeah. Friendship online is just real friendship. Like even our in our generation, like I know we have friends eldest that like you, you and the elusive and mysterious Big P were way more into like message board culture and like you, you had friends online in a way that I never, I really was way more like, I was not, I was an online skeptic as a youth. And I think even within

millennials, I would say half are, and I think after us, everyone has, everyone Yeah, I have none at all, but my wife is like younger and she has like so many online, right? Yeah, just turn 19. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. But you know, she's been a family friend for everything. Yeah, family friend, you were there in a baptism. The first steps was so, I saw this first episode.

I was like, okay, I'm waiting. I'm sitting this out. Those legs are going to get longer. I was actually her singing coach and helped her hit that nice. Yeah, I met her playing a pop punk gig. She's got a residency in Vegas now. And we're just so happy. We're so happy.

We're so happy. But yes, you're, yeah, like even your one has. She's got real online friends. But also, I'm not like a. internet, we're the opposite because we get along, you know, I like dirt and being outside and not being in the computer and she loves,

she could live on the computer for days. And that's what I'm saying is like for so many people younger than us, there really is no distinction between online and real life. Like I think we, us looking at it's like real world, you know, whatever. I mean, in fact, I would say some people feel more,

which is a dangerous thing in my view, but for some people might just say that's how the world is, how civilization is progressing. I think people are... They can be more honest online they feel like. Yeah, 100% more of themselves, which is sad, but in any case... But again, I think that's why... What is... I don't get the need to meet up.

Well, I understand the want to, but also it's kind of like... But let's say, okay, again, let's say these are both women or both men, right? There is, it's just... If you take the gendered aspect out of it, then it's just an old... Like, this old pal you've had on the earth forever, and it's kind of, he's the only one that you've, stayed in touch with, like, it would be kind of fun if it made sense to meet up for lunch or coffee or whatever the fuck. I feel like a lot of people have friendships that transition very easily to that.

So my question is, so then I would just say, though, if you were going to do this, I think it has to be like, because it is intimate to be like, one of us has to cross state lines and we're going to meet up at this specific place. Crossing state lines. I've heard that before. Trafficking. Nothing like crossing state lines to get in trouble. Yeah.

It's like whatever. Like how far away you are is a big deal. Now, if one of you happens to be in town for work or whatever the fuck and you want to meet up for lunch or whatever, that's fine. That's different. But I also think the way to make this not weird at all is like, what if you have a big barbecue someday? Or if you have a Fourth of July barbecue or if you have like a little dinner party or you have just something and you're like, hey, low state. why don't you come meet my fucking boy for like right like that really the crucial thing for me here is you sussing out what he's looking for because I think it's very reasonable for her to be like

oh I just want a friend but like this to me could have guy what we were talking about earlier how everything from your youth is more nostalgic yeah like a guy in a relationship he doesn't really like so much he's like oh that perfect girl who said the N word on halo with me like like that's my soulmate you know what i mean like that's a fucking play right yeah that's a one-act play he's got this whole life about her she goes over there and he's like she's like why do you have all these pictures of me he's like what those are that's you like oh fuck i'm just really into street photography yeah yeah so that's my big question is like and clearly she has some hang up which but to me her hangups feel like more about perception

and I think you need to separate the perception of it and how you actually feel. Yeah. Are your hang-ups because deep down, you are afraid that there might, you actually have some latent romantic feelings for this person? Or is it that you're afraid that he might? Whatever, I don't know.

If it's just, will it look weird? I mean, you know, if you're in a relationship, you should be able to tell your fucking boyfriend or girlfriend, like, hey, my buddy from, like, what if it was like a friend from, like, this is when you were 13. What if it was an old friend from middle school that was in town? You know what I mean?

Like I wouldn't feel weird going to see a girl that I was friends with when I was in middle school on some like, let's catch up shit. Yeah. Like if you're in a good relationship and if you really aren't, if you really not looking for anything romantic, it's fine. It's just I don't understand the hesitation in your voice here because, and maybe it's as simple as like she's just worried about the optics from a gendered perspective. Did she ask? She didn't ask. She didn't tell her partner though yet. Did she?

That's what I'm wondering. She didn't specify that, but I'm wondering, like, has she ever brought this guy up to her partner before? Right. Because I could see, like, if I did this or if my wife did this, if it was like, oh, I'm going to go get lunch with someone from a girl from a message board that I was friends with. I became friends with when I was 14. Well, that was like the most pathetic, horny. That's crucial. You know, if I just sprung that out of nowhere, that would be suss as fuck.

For sure. But if you're still, if she's still a gamer, she's still on Xbox. And, and her, her boyfriend also, because the other thing is like,

what kind of relate, is this a gamer to gamer relationship? Sounds like it. I actually think that makes a big difference, right? Right. Yeah. Because like people who are in that,

who really give a fuck about that kind of shit, would understand it in a way that somebody who, like, I was never really in this world. And, and like, it would be, if it,

out of nowhere, somebody told me that, it would, I would be like, that's a little strange. But if somebody, if your boyfriend also respects the sanctity of gamer culture, of gamer friendships, of Leedspeak. Which exists.

That's all the stuff you have to think about. I don't think this is necessarily a horrible idea given you wanted to be platonic. Your friend wants it to be platonic. And this isn't completely out of the blue to your partner. But if you are, because not talking, not mentioning them. And in fact, either way, you should mention this. because it's kind of weird to just have to mention it.

Like, just in general it's weird. Even if they were the same gender, it's kind of bizarre to have a secret decades-long friendship that your partner doesn't know about. It is a little strange. And that's all. It's always weird to bring something up.

They're like, who's that? It's like, oh, you know, Jason L. Yeah, Jason L. He's like, who the fuck is Jason? I'm like, you know, my friend I know from a long time ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who I keep tabs with. I've talked about them all the time.

I've always talked about him. Don't you know? Don't you know? You doesn't know about you. Yeah. You know, I was. Yeah, yeah. What?

Oh, honey, can you get the door? Jason L is at the door. He's like, what? You know, my friend is Jason L. You know, you're away for the weekend. He's going to help me water the plants. My friend, headshot 69. I'm going to see a headshot 69 in Maryland.

My friend, Obama's birth certificate, 42. Obama's birth certificate? Jesus Christ You know Jet fuel can't melt Still beans It's my old friend

It's my buddy Building 7 What the fuck? It's my buddy XX building 7 XX And the one X is lowercase

And the one is uppercase Building 7 Next Next question Little LD Uh oh Holy fuck What the fuck

What the hell's going Oh Scare Johnny. Oh, fuck. It's time to fucking keep it twisted. That's right. It's the fucked up motherfucking ass. Question of the week.

Brought you by over cowl at Twisted Tea. The smoothest motherfucking ass beverage on the market. Double T, double P. That's right. We got the fucking party pack. I was sucking these off celebrating the Knicks victory. In fact, you can tell my hat was trampled on 7th Avenue. And I haven't cleaned it because it feels like it's a mark of pride.

So, so much money. It's a mark of pride. So, Eldis, what is the motherfucking ass fucked up question of the week this week? Brought to you by Twista. Hey, Stov,

esteemed guest, Eldis. I used to have an Albanian roommate and... Sorry. I mean, good for you. He was like a grumpy little troll. Anyways,

I'm a bisexual woman. Nice. A guy lying. And I'm a guy lying. And I, I've been with my male partner for eight years. We're basically married. Nice.

We own a house together. Wow. But I got really drunk one night while he was out of town. And I slept with a woman. It was like a friend, whatever. I told him my home. Husband's like, yes. Fuck yes.

Oh my God Thank fucking God Hopefully your husband is dumb Because if he's dumb This is awesome But if he's smart This is bad But keep going Eldus

It was like A friend, whatever I called all my home girls They told me Girl don't tell him shit But I can't do that That's very twisted I actually really love him

And what the best of him So I told him And he's like He was really hurt about it And I just feel like it's not that big of a deal. You fucking, what, this, this, okay, our caller is keeping it way too twisted. You're keeping it much, much too twisted. It's chill and twisted.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. She is being very chill and twisted like a delicious twisted tea on a hot summer's day. That's what makes us so chill. Which is good for a beverage, but bad for your bisexual long-term girlfriend. I, okay, she's being homophobic. She said she's married? No, they've been together eight years and they own a house together.

Yeah, that's kind of common law. Common law, yeah. Right. It's crazy or confused why he's hurt. What, anyway, finish the call, I guess. Maybe because I'm a girl and I'm like, this is just like drunk girl stuff. Like. No, it's not.

I feel like it's not that big of a deal. You fucking idiot. But he feels like it's cheating. What do you mean he feels like it's cheating? You cheated on him with another person. That's how fucking dumb you are. You think it's. doesn't count. That's awesome.

Fuck. And here's the thing. If you feel this way, right? If this is really Is she done? Is there more? All right, let her finish. It's just two girls, like, getting drunk and, like, you know, eating puss. I don't know. It happens. Like, all my friends were like, girl, I've gotten drunk and

fucked my friend before. Your friends are... I don't know. Were they in relationships, though? Because if they're not, then they're cool. Even then, it's not like... Like, that's not casual. Listen, I'm not... I'm not going to sit here. and tell girls not to get drunk and suck each other's tears. I can't do that, Johnny.

That's against my morals. But if you're in a committed relationship with either a man or a woman and it's not an open relationship, that is wrong to do. I don't even, I can't believe I have to explain that to you. You're really fucking dumb to not get that. I think you're just in denial. You don't want to, you even said it, I can't do that to him.

You felt guilty enough to tell him, but you were hoping, that means that to me signals that your guilt wasn't real you just wanted to get it off your chat you just wanted to for him to be like nice what did her pussy look like or maybe you want to break up with them and this is how you're doing it because you're creating the problem yes to start the wedge which would be again much too twisted uh is there is there should we just let her finish is there anything else well what do you think would you be upset it was like very much so Like just leaving almost blackout drunk and

No, no, no, stop. Stop giving yourself an ounce. It was like a friend. It was just like some strange. Somebody's going to have to see again. I'm actually not even attracted to her, which is the most, one of the most annoying parts.

I also did not come. You know what the most knowing part is? And she was like a pillow princess, didn't want to do nothing. Oh, okay. So I'm like, don't even get mad. It wasn't even good. Yeah.

Oh, sure. That's what you tell. him. The pussy wasn't even worth it. Why are you being annoying? It sounds fake. I wish it was fake, but I think she's just a fucking idiot. And look, whatever. Like, you might have these feelings towards hooking up. That's something you have to clear before you do.

I'm not even saying you couldn't find a relationship where this works, right? Because- There's probably tons of guys who would be like, if you tell me. For sure, for sure. Like, when I was saying, hopefully your boyfriend's dumb, like, I, I've, like, this didn't happen to me, but I remember dating somebody and, like, being shocked, she wasn't by and being like,

and then, like, dating somebody casually, and she was, like, showing me pictures of her with other girls. I was like, this is the fucking coolest thing I've ever seen in my life. Especially if it's, if it's, like, relaxed and chill and they're, they're comfortable with it. Yeah. And they're letting you in, letting you know about it comfortably. It's kind of cool.

A friendship between, like, you and a girl that you're hooking up with who's by, and it's almost like, it's like how, that feeling of like dapping up your boy after getting pussy but it's with a hot girl you get the fuck

is kind of awesome. I don't know if it's sustainable. It's one of those things that burns too bright. You know what I mean? It's like such a beautiful lens. Like it's not gonna, it's not gonna light your world forever.

It's like a firework. You have to enjoy it. You can't light your home with it. It's not, you know, that's not a stable form of energy, but when it burns, it burns bright and it's awesome.

I feel like I could, I could be sustainable with something like that. Yeah. That'd be cool. That'd be cool. But you found a guy who's not like that. And by the way, you could have just asked him ahead of time. And also the other thing I would say is even within your own twisted logic, if you're this kind of person who's like, who cares? It's girls hooking up. The fact that you even haven't, first of all, he would reject this offer, I'm pretty sure. But the fact that you haven't offered a threesome to make it up to him. And by the way, I'm not saying normally that. that's how this works, right? I'm not saying normally you should sexual barter, but for this girl who seems like,

what's the big deal? It's a little. Like, you should have at least try, you haven't tried to make amends in your dumb way even, which to me feels like, you're just,

you just did something fucked up. That's all there is to it. What do I think? I was going to say that too. I thought she was going to say something like that. She started that way, and then she very quickly, when she didn't immediately get her way,

immediately be like, oh yeah, who cares? Fuck more girls. that's what you were hoping. Didn't happen because your boyfriend is much more mentally stable than you. And you're kind of pissed off about it. So look, again, philosophically, it hurts me to say two girls hooking up is bad.

It does. But I do have to say in this case, that is true. And I don't know, what do I think? I think you fucked up. I think the ball is completely in his court where he decides where this goes. I mean, you did something that could ruin this relationship. Very possibly you put your eight-year relationship at risk. And the fact that it was just a friend and you weren't that attracted to or you didn't bust, that's all worse.

Like that's so much worse. None of that is good. The friend thing is worse because now it's like he's going to think every friend you have. You guys just casually fucking getting blackout drunk. And all your friends being like, don't tell them. They're scumbags. Yeah. They're fucking scumbags, dude.

Keep it twist. They are keeping it twisted. So I guess what I would tell you to do is sit your boyfriend down, maybe with an ice cold twisted tea party pack. And try the fresh lemonade that's only available in the party pack. And maybe even the rocket pop, which I really enjoyed. The rocket pop, that looks interesting. It was pretty good.

Like I said, I had them. I sucked down a bunch of them during the Knicks win. But yeah, look, dude, you just made a big, you made a big mistake. And if this is the kind of thing you want to do in your relationship, you should have been open about it. And, you know, if he breaks up... Just film it. Yeah.

And offer him double top, for Christ's sake. I mean, dude, and again, I'm not gonna... Double top rocket pop. Get him so, you know, the double top, double top rocket. Double top rocket pop. Double top rocket pop. That's nice. You get your dicks up, you can pour them a little fucking rocket pop, dude.

Nourish them. You know what I mean? You can use that twisted tea. You can, hey, twisted tea, if you want to do double top rocket pop, just, just, just, just break my boy Johnny off a piece. But you can use it. You can use it. He did sign a waiver. Everything he's ever, everything he said and thought during this podcast is, we do own it. So, you know, at the end of the day, we can use it. But please break him off. At least mail him a couple party packs.

I shouldn't have thought about that universal energy idea. Now I'm going to be dead. All right. Good luck. Good luck. And, hey, maybe keep it a little less twisted next time. Keep it twisted. Oh, fuck. Shit, we're going back to the not untwisted zone. The detristed zone. We're getting detristed right now.

What a bad? It's like home improvement. What is that? It's the home improvement reboot. Or the Home Depot theme song, you know? The whole music for Home Depot. Oh my God. That's hell.

What do we got? What else we got, little LD? Hey, stop. So I'm a virgin. Nice. Hang up. But I've been talking to this is a really hot girl on Snapchat recently. She sounds real.

She's like 25. And originally we met through Reddit DMs where I made some post about being a virgin. And she told me that she was kind of, her fetish was kind of taking guys virginities. This is a guy in Bangladesh, man. This is a fucking guy in Bangladesh, man. That is a fucking guy in Bangladesh, bro.

Come on, man. That's the guy with like 45 phones and a gun to his head. I'd be like, you know what I mean? Let's listen. There's some interesting details. I know, but like if I was a scammer, I am going straight to our male virgins immediately. I'm going to our divorced dad and our straight male virgins. Anyway.

Does this guy say how old he is? Okay. Anyways, she's like a huge, she's got like borderline personality disorder. OCD. She's a huge drug user and stuff. She's done like, she told me she's done like meth and heroin and fentanyl and she's apparently a huge

donor. Keep it twice. Anyways, uh... She's keeping it rather twisted. Sounds like one of the last callers' friends. This is like a... Just eat some pussy. You don't tell your fucking boyfriend. This is a piece of rope. It's so twisted. She lives in

Central PA and I live in Central Ohio. Oof. So we Louis lives sort of close. And she told me that... The airplane emoji, but it's Central P.A. to Central Ohio. In your bio. Indiana Jones. It's like going from one...

Different fentanyl hot spot to different fentanyl hot spot. It's tasked to... Yeah. It's the cities. The Sackler family has ruined Super Highway. Jesus. Yeah, go ahead. If I don't lose my virginity sooner or later, I can...

can just go out and fuck her. Sounds good. The thing is, I told her I was 20 in our original conversation. Because she said, are you at least 20? I said, yeah, I'm 20. Uh-oh, he's 14. I'm really 18. With gigantism.

So. Oh, dude. I don't know. Does he does not care. Is this woman? Yeah, she's going to shake her idea, bro. Do you think she's going to know? I think she's going to, like, ask her my idea or something?

Come on, dude. Like, what do you think I should do? First of all, you're going to get there and her fucking cousins are going to rob you. Oh, what the fuck are you? This guy's going to get fucking jacked. You might,

you might, you might, you might fuck her, but you are deaf. Your car's not leaving with a catalytic converter. I'll tell you that much. He's going to have his robbery

virginity taken. They're going to take his ID. Dude, okay. Oh my fucking God. This kid being 18 completely chained. Like, if you were at 24, I'd be like, get good with a butterfly knife.

Get a fucking gun. And head on over to Central fucking Ohot PA. Hire some Albanian to come with you. Bring an Albanian valet with you. And yeah, green book but for virgins. Green book? That's going to be a movie. Oh my fucking God.

Oh. That would be the best movie. Green book for virgins. Yeah, yeah. Fellas, get out of here. He's going to fuck your cousin. And we're getting out of here. Could you imagine what's that, Willem?

What's the guy's name? The actor. Oh, yeah. Who did play the guy in Green Book? Vigo. Vigo Mortensen? Jesus Christ, shepherding you to get your V-cars taken.

So awesome. Whoa, hey, back up, fellas. Okay, I'm going to take her first for you. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to give the pussy a spin, make sure everything is in order. Well, this guy, man, he needs...

Buddy, you're 18, all right? If you were... If you were even maybe... I just, to me, the downside here, you're on... If he was in your town, if you kind of knew the, like, you have two,

there are too many variables here. She was 40. Yeah, how old is she, did she say? She's like 20 something. 25. Yeah. You need to lose it with a woman who's, who's like a hairdresser, who's divorced.

Honestly. That's awesome. Well, like someone who's got two kids. We're actually, we're big on this podcast. We're trying to get, it's not, look, we're not against age gaps. We just think the, the glass ceiling on age gaps needs to be broken.

Oh, for sure. Why aren't more divorced hairdressers taking some 20-year-old, you know, college, like, fucking sophomores out for a spin? I hope so. I hope so. And you know what? Maybe the media doesn't want us to know about it.

Yeah. Because the media wants to keep America a pedophilic society. Anyway, I would say at your age, at your age, 18 is just too fucking young to be doing desperation rules like this.

That's okay not to get laid. totally okay. I mean, go to college or if you don't want to go to college, just start hanging out, get a fake ID, start hanging out of bars or just going to house parties, whatever. You're too young for this type of desperation. And look, I'm not even saying if you find a girl like this at a local bar, don't fuck her.

Right. If this girl was at your fucking, you know, at a dive bar, you meet her, she's deep throwing the big buck hunter gun. And you're like, yeah, you could fuck her. Oh my God, that's how you meet somebody. But to me, to me, the, the variables of you having to take an away game to completely unknown territory. And this is coming from somebody who has hooked up with people in strange situations and been like, am I about to fucking, I remember I'm like, I was driving up 95 and I made a little detour for a friend I met on the internet. And I, like, walking into her apartment was like, let's believe about the city, actually.

walking into it was like in an alley and the door was weird and it was one of those places where once you got upstairs it was a beautiful place but I was like it's kidding I did I do that I was like why did I risk I was like I'm about to get fucking jumped now she was hot it was awesome I don't regret it

but you know I have my wits about me you know I was in my 20s I'm not an 18 year old and even then I would have gotten I could have gotten bludgeoned in the fucking you know there's pizza guys who won't go into that situation And those guys have been like Jacks before. Yeah.

But so I think right now where you are, you don't have enough life experience, let alone sexual experience to handle this. Slow down. To me, the weirder parts are having to go to a strange city with a white trash drug user to get pussy. It's like you can find white trash drug users in Central Ohio, brother. You don't got to go to York PA to find that.

I promise you that. You're fine. You're fine wherever the fuck you are. What's central Ohio? Is that like Cleveland? You should know. You're the resident Ohio expert. It's like all of Ohio is central.

Cincinnati's like by Kentucky and shit like that. There's no part of Ohio that's that show. I'm going to say, is there a city called Lebanon, Ohio? I think it's a Lebanon everywhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm seeing places like the region surrounding Columbus. Oh, Columbus. Stretches across 10 to 11 county.

Metro footprint. Interesting. Counties include Franklin, Delaware, Fairfield, Hawk. I've never even heard of these shit.

Wow, wow. There's definitely bar slays that will help you out. You're in Ohio and you're thinking you can't find a girl who's tried

fentanyl to suck your dick. Yes, you can. Just go to a bar with a fresh pack of cigarettes, hang outside,

and when a woman who's clearly needs to have her hair done, I love this. Who's got like her nails is grown out. Yeah, chipped out. She needs a fill.

Yeah. Light her cigarette and tell her you're a virgin. She's like, I'll fucking fix that. Yeah, 100%. No, this is, and this goes back to why we need to touch grass. You were trying to find these women online and they could be anywhere. Find them at your local bar. Put out this vibe in your local bar.

Be a cute little fucking, you know, whatever year old at a dive bar. One of these ladies will suck you off. I just think, yeah. But don't worry too much. Right. Everybody in this room was a virgin at 18, it sounds like. It's better. Yeah. And then we were fine now. Now you could say, actually, I'm clearly obsessed with getting pussy. And it's actually been a problem and it's wrecked other relationships in my life.

So maybe we're not fine. But Johnny and Eldas are. Okay. I guess, yeah. I guess. I mean, you're both married. I would like to have had it sooner back then. But it doesn't matter now. I think it's better. I think it's better. Who cares? Who cares? I can't. I would have like sooner.

But it doesn't matter. That's all. I've said before, I would have, like, sooner, but if I, if it didn't have, when did it happen for me? Like 22 or 23 or something? Oh, wow. I thought it was, yeah. I think it was like right after college.

But if it didn't happen then, I'm like, well, I could see just living with it for a few years and thinking like, you know what? This will happen. No, I would have, if I didn't, if I didn't fucking college, I would have 100% gone to a sex worker and treated myself. Yeah. And just to get, just to break. because you just break the mystique it's nothing sex is really nothing it's just you feel like

you think you're going to put your dick in and pussy's going to be like you're going to be like your eyes are going to fucking roll back into your head you're going to be like oh this is the best feeling of all time and it can get there if you're good if both people are good at fucking and you care for each other but at first it's just going to feel kind of cool yeah you know it feels cool but it doesn't it doesn't change your life and the more you build it up the worse it is. And it's like, we're here to tell you, at 18, you're fine. You don't need to be doing shit like this. You'll be fine, buddy. It's like that part in Rushmore. You've seen that movie Rushmore? It's been a while. It's like the best line about virginity. Because, you know, he's a kid. He's trying

to date the teacher. Right. She's like, not if you haven't fucked before it is. Like, she's making it out to be, if you've had, if you have had sex, it's not a big deal. But to the person who hasn't, it's like this huge. That's true. The discrepancy is so big to where I can see why this guy is going so crazy because she just doesn't know you don't know what you don't know Right right right right once you get there like Oh that was it Oh that's injured that was pretty cool

Anyway good luck little buddy You'll get pussy sometime soon we believe in you Hey Davy Elvis and guest Long time listener first time caller I just had a weird situation That I kind of need advice

and with a very old friend, one of my oldest friends from middle school. So we have had our same group message with the boys for, you know, the last 10, 15 plus years. And it's been getting this particular friend has sounded off when he replies messages, both privately and in this group chat, where we were wondering if maybe his partner. was taking over. And yesterday she texted as him, Sophie Rain, am I right? And a couple of the guys were like, yeah, Sophie Rain. And I said, it's like a guy, it's a guy in Tim's and uncreased jeans and a Yankees

fitted being like, anybody got drugs? I can buy. That's fucking crazy, dude. Sophie, Sophie, Raine, am I right? It's just, I don't know. I don't even know if she does porn or if she's really. those girls that has an only fan's and has made like a fuck ton of money on it

but she seems like one of those only fans girls that like some of them just got famous being an only fans girl and they don't even actually do porn it's like a weird you know maybe they show some tits or something but so saying Sophie Rain right is that like a thing I think it's her trying to be like hey pornography is cool huh guys to the group chat yeah but anyway let's finish because I'm a little confused about what's going on I just didn't know who that

person was yeah yeah nice dude I mean I really don't I know I know I know yeah Sophie rain and i said same thing uh and i get a text from this friend through his number but from her uh saying that just a whole bunch of whole bunch of should making me feel calling me disgusting uh questioning why i'm with my wife if i am gawking at uh hot chick wait who said sophy rain and The guy, the callers, friend, his wife. And what, this guy took the bait and was like nice?

He said a few guys in the group chat were like, yeah, Sophie Rain. They're like, yeah, whatever. That's fun. First of all, that's weird. Imagine if you, in our group chats, you texted a porn star and was like, actually, I guess it's just weird because it's Sophie Rain. If you text like John and Michaels, I'd be like nice. Yeah, I could see that.

Actually, yeah. I can see me like your family. If we did our generation of porn stars. What's weird to me is that that girl's like, like young as far. Like it just, it's a weird thing for like if you're in your 40s. Yeah, yeah, I mean. But it's just like, but it's like, I don't know, man. To me, I find myself gravitating in the milf categories.

And we even, we even discussed it with our, you know, new friend of the show, Jimmy, another Jimmy, Jimmy, Tatro, we're milfaged men now. We're men, we're milfaged. That's the age of people. It's not even a milf. It just happened to be a mom. Yeah, yeah. But either way, at the same time, whatever. If you want to throw out any porn star in a group chat and somebody gets horny for it, fine. It's crazy. But let's finish it off.

Hot chick. And it was a lot of messages. And I didn't know what to do. My friends are on the fence between messaging her back or messaging him back or just like letting it lie. And I'm frustrated because I just started getting this friend. back in the picture because of his controlling partner. And she does have DPD. So that is another reason I don't want to respond. But also personally, I guess I do. But I don't know.

I just got this friend back and now feels like I'm losing him. And she's also wanting to message my wife to make sure she knows how disgusting it is that I like tips. So anyway, any advice will be helpful. Take care. I hope your elbows feeling better. Bye. Thank you, brother. I'm out of the brace.

I mean, this is insane behavior. That is a nightmare level shit. I think I would have to, you gotta call the person up, because you gotta talk to them. The texting thing, the amount of people who still text to solve something,

like, just fucking call the person. I know what you mean. You cannot, the inflection isn't there. There's all this stuff. People will say stuff on text. They would never say out loud. Well, it's also, absolutely.

Absolutely. But it's also like his wife or girlfriend or whatever It's like That's fucking insane That would piss me off so fucking much It's like what is it? What are you first?

It's like you got this information without a warrant Number one This is not This is it you impersonated This is illegal This is this is you know Fruit from a poison tree You know cannot you can't use it or whatever the fuck the legal bullshit is

You can't stand You but literally just something I heard I remember hearing from some legal thriller like law and order You just watch SVU Yeah I probably just watch SVU Not even SVU just SVU clips on on

And that's mostly what I'm watching on Instagram Reels Is honestly GreenB I've never seen Green Book You've seen it? No I've seen like The best It's so I fucking You actually think it's awesome? The movie?

Yeah It is outstanding I fucking love it so much. That shit looks like dad slopped to me so much, dude. No, it's not. That looks like father-in-law, watch that shit with your father-in-law the day after Thanksgiving is what it looks like to me.

Oh, I'm going to solve fucking racism. Hey, hey, don't say the N-word, even though I say it a lot, obviously. You got to watch it? Yeah, maybe I watch it. It's like updated driving Miss Daisy. Well, Mr. Dersy sucks. I love that movie, man.

I really do like that movie a lot. You're like polite Minnesota liberal upbringing is coming out right now where it's like, it's like, oh, this is what, this is perfect race relations. Anyway, to me, the clips I've seen on, and you've actually seen it and I've seen like, you know, maybe 22 minutes of it completely out of context over the course of six weeks. Of Green Book?

Of Green Book. But to me, it just seems like pandering like, you know, It does seem that way. Let's fix, let's fix racism with one good white guy. But anyway, it doesn't matter. A deeper story. All right, all right, all right. The point is. Great performances.

Great performances. They are both great actors. You know, that is cool. Anyway. I'm not there for the performances. You know what it is about that movie? I probably wouldn't have such a negative reaction to it if it didn't win the Oscar. Yeah, you know, I actually.

It's one of those classics where it's like, yeah. Yeah, I can argue with a friend about this because she was like, oh, if Buele Street could talk, Like that's such a better version. I'm like, well, they both can exist. Right. And they can both be good. And one that obviously is way more Hollywood and popular. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. It's just a, I guess it's symbolic of the type of art that gets rewarded, which is just like fine. Yeah. But speaks to the sensibilities of the people that make these decisions, right? Like old-ass academy members are like, wow. They love that shit. Oh, imagine if Obama was still in all.

Like, to me, that movie's like, wouldn't it be. great if Obama was still in office. Like, that's what that movie feels like to me. Wouldn't it be nice if I had a black friend, but I just have one on the movie? You know, I was walking to Pilates and a couple of the homeboys outside smiled at me. That's what that movie feels like to me. My friend Jamarcus, actually. He's sitting out there and he sings a lot.

Anyway, I love singing. Can I tell you, I just love your voice? Are you a singer? Can I just say, I think you might, you should be a singer. Over hearing a barista hum. It's like, yeah, yeah. Here's a doll. What the fuck?

Anyway. This guy's fucked. This guy, yeah. Like, to me, this is the kind of thing where I would be so fucking pissed at this lady. Oh, my God. He's like, who the fuck do you think you are? You're running mine. game. I'm not your fucking, I'm not in a boy. Like, this would be a problem for me because I think I would,

my mental illness would align perfectly with a BPD girlfriend, girlfriend. And I would give her exactly what she wants, which is calling her a dumb bitch and like, how dare you fucking do this? Like, I would, like, so, but don't do that. That's my knee jerk reaction. I think how I would actually handle it is, yes, you got to call this guy and be like, hey, man, that was obviously not you. And I think it's really strange behavior like on your girlfriend's part and it's like what the it would honestly you would just kind of have to be like what's going on

you know this guy is spineless you know he's not going to answer he's being tread upon by her like hardcore they have to break up they have to break up but you have to let them break up you gotta just like block there's really not much you can do unfortunately when somebody has this like all you can do it's I mean he is in an abusive

relationship where the stakes aren't as high as getting the shit kicked out of you It's just your, I mean, who knows, honestly? Somebody's very controlling. And in these instances, all you can really do is be there for your friends when they want to reach out. You shouldn't do the thing I would want to do, which is like argue with this woman who's clearly trying to start drama. She just wants something. She wants to have a fucking, like a second guy to yell at now.

She's just creating a second problem. Just be there for him if you can. Call him, try and feel him out. Send him an edible or around. And realistically, you're probably going to have to have two separate group chats. Yeah. You know, realistically, now you have to act as if the phones are tapped. So you need to have a regular group chat.

Because if you want to keep them around, you have to keep this fucking idiot girlfriend, like, you know, on your side. And you have to, like, hey, like, if anybody says Sophie Rain or whatever. Like, you now know that group chat is compromised. You're cool to have a second one. You can have one that's like a red herring. You need the second group chat that he's not in. where you make it super dirty in a way where you try to drive her insane.

You just text like, hey guys, breasts. No, I'm saying you need one where she's not in. Right, but you have like two of them. You have the real one, the fake one, the fake one, the fake one a squeaky clean, it should be super dirty to drive her insane. Super dirty, so you push her on the edge because you can't keep it clean because that's just like, or you make it so boring.

You make it like, that's what I'm saying. Just talk about sports, talk about football, talk about like mundane shit and no tits. Talk about like just the Epstein list, like going through the whole list, just guy by guy. How about this? Maybe try and radicalize this insane person. Do a bunch of like inequality statistics.

Talk about how much CEO pay has skyrocketed. How if the minimum wage from the 70s kept place with inflation, it would be like $50 and like maybe you could turn this insane person into a warrior for good. Who knows? But either way, your friends fucked. You're going to have to have a fake group chat and just kind of be there

if and when he ever wants to get away from this person. But, you know, I think that's going to do for us. We've really saved, we really helped some people. A lot of BPD out there. A lot of BPD out there. Johnny, do you want to plug? I'm sorry, buddy. We should have asked earlier.

I'll be doing some comedy. You can all see in my dates. I'll be in Madison. I'll be in San Francisco. Seattle, be in some Florida stuff. It's all on Johnny Pemberton. Dog. Has my website. Johnny Pemberton. Dog.

That's the website. I really like that. And watch Mermaid. Watch Mermaid. I'm VOD. Watch Mermaid on Mother F and VOD. John, thank you. This is very fun. Anytime, come back. We'd love to have you. I can't wait.

Go see Johnny Live. Watch his movie. Watch the stuff he's in. Come see us. A special, actually, I think, is about to be recorded this week. Or it's not Anyway, whatever Fuck, we got to promote the fucking Anyway, whatever

Just, we'll see you guys next week