Stavvy's World - #195 - Mary Beth Barone

Episode Date: August 24, 2026

Mary Beth Barone joins the pod to discuss her new special Galaxy Brain (out now on Netflix), the newly updated Stavvy's World studio look, being a high school Republican, mid-2000s politics, having the GOAT mental illness, her and Stav’s thoughts on the movie The Whale, when she realized that the patriarchy is bad, her fabulous gay uncle, taking her shoes off, and much more. Mary Beth and Stav help callers including a woman wondering if she should cut off an ex she recently reconnected with or end her marriage, and a guy who used to suffer from OCD who can’t stop obsessing over his girlfriend’s past threesomes.   Watch Mary Beth Barone’s special Galaxy Brain on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82148356   Follow Mary Beth Barone:   https://www.marybethbarone.com/   https://www.instagram.com/marybethbarone https://www.tiktok.com/@marybethbarone   https://www.youtube.com/@marybethbarone     Thanks to our sponsors!   Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW!     Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!!   ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!   🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets   ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Upah! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World. 9-04-800 stop. Paul the Stavi hotline, sponsored by Visible. On the couch today, we're very likely to have Mary Beth Barone, special right now out on Netflix, Galaxy Brain. Overcompensating Season 2. Wrapped? Wrapped, coming to your television very soon. And she's here in our beautiful Chelsea headquarters of Stavi Baby.

Actually, I think this is the first. for the debut of the new studio, Marybeth. Really? Yes. It's an honor. It's a really beautiful space. Thank you so much. And congratulations.

I mean, you kind of have a media empire and you're a movie star. I know. It's kind of crazy. Because we haven't really caught up in a while and it's like, so since then you become a movie star. It is. The movie thing is really also doesn't make sense to me, to be fair. That's also called me off guard as well. Yeah.

Because I thought maybe I could act a little bit. But, you know, I didn't think they would put me in an Oscar movie first. first. It's a tough bar to set. I know. I know. But then potentially a second Oscar movie that you just done. Look, Tony's good.

Shout out to Dom. Dominic Sessa. He was friend of the show. He was on last week, in fact. And he's fucking awesome. Antonio Banderas was so fucking. I think Antonio could get nominated because he's really good in this movie.

But yeah, it's kind of fucking nuts. Yeah. And I do, yeah, I have this office. And there was like four people. There's like seven people here working. I know. It's like you have a company. It's so weird. I have to go out, like, make sure morale is up with the editors.

Who's the HR department, by the way? That's Eldis. Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eldis is working hand in hand with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one can hear your screams in this corner. Right.

Well, I see the soundproofing. You close that door. Look, we just started the Matt Lauer button isn't yet. We haven't yet installed it. So I could leave if I wanted. You could leave, unfortunately. We don't like telling the female guests that, but because we go. go back, I will let you know that you, the Malauer button is not in yet. But yeah, things are, but

look, I mean, come on, you're no fucking slouch over here. I'm doing, I'm doing stuff too. You're on a big show. The special's really great. Thank you. Yeah. I'm trying to figure out to sit comfortably right now. It's not, I haven't totally found it yet. You need another pillow. I think it's a good challenge for me to have to figure it out with this one. Okay. Is it cool at some point if I take my shoes off? Absolutely. You can absolutely take your shoes off. Okay, I will at some point. I'm going to surprise you. Great, great. Great. You'll keep the. You'll keep the, The foot freaks on the hook. I like this.

Why wouldn't I? Yeah. They deserve it. They do. Do you know all the hard work? They're doing boots on the ground. And it's like Wiki feet, like they're keeping that updated all the time. That is true.

But they're not hurting anyone as far as I know. Do you have a big foot contingent? Do you think amongst your fan base? I get some replies when I post the feet. Sure. And it's like, oh, feet for free. I'm like, well, what? I'm at the beach.

I don't have, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I just posted a photo of myself. Yeah, yeah. If you want to take that and jerk off to it, that's up to you. And that sort of always been my approach. That's beautiful. If I post something and you want to jerk off to it, that's between you and God.

I'm not here to stop you. I couldn't. And you don't want that knowledge either. It's more that it's not just between them. It's like, just keep me out of it. It's a victimless crime as long as, but the second you find out about it, retroactively, it's a little strange. Yeah.

I've never, I don't really, I haven't. Well, who knows after this, but. Yeah, sorry. We've got a little something for everyone here. I don't know. But I think it's great and keep it up. Sure. It's, yeah, it's not hurting anyone as far as I know.

That's beautiful. That's beautiful. shout out to the foot. I mean, I don't, you know, not shout out of them. I don't really get it if I'm being completely honest. I'm more of a, I got to be honest, kind of like a tits, cheese, she ass, beautiful face. Well, I love it. Those are kind of my, that's kind of, I'm a little freak when it comes to that kind of stuff.

Well, you're a traditionalist. You're more of like a plastic. I'm a small C conservative when it comes to stuff I beat off to. Yeah, which I think is probably good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I loved it with like, with woke culture, it's like, we have to end racism, xenophobia, homophobia, and we have to end kink shaming. Yeah, right, right, right, right, right.

First of all, they're not the same guys. They're not on the same level, but also, like, I will, it's funny. It is funny. If you like piss play, like, that's totally fine. I'm not mad at you. Right. But I can laugh about that. That's a great point.

I don't, I'm not going to stop you from getting a job at the bank if you want to get pissed on. Sure. But I am going to laugh when I hear that you, you know, put a snorkel on and had your wife squat over top of you. Oh, and I'm telling everyone, by the way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's something we can. can all enjoy. You're getting enjoyment out of it sexually. We're getting enjoyment out of it socially. Of course. So I think that's fair. That is beautiful. Yeah. Well, shout out to all the communities and just

keep a look out. Mary Beth will be losing these shoes at some. You know what? I think I will too, actually. I've had my shoes on all day. All day. Well, you're a boss now. I am a boss. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I actually, I've been so curious with what the, you know, trajectory of your career and I know this is your podcast, but I have questions. I'm like, how do you feel, I guess something I would be wondering, how do you feel about your legacy, the multiple podcasts that you have had where you are now. Like, what's, how do you, do you look back on that? Because when I first started comedy, you had another podcast. Sure. And I'm wondering how you feel about just like that whole thing. I feel great about it. We did some great work on Comtown. Yeah. You know, it really was the

funniest. I think it was the funniest of the like 2016, like post, you know, like, we kind of were in the shadow of first the election. which is crazy to think about, the Trump-Hillary election. I think, for my money, there's no podcast that hit higher highs. There were some very, very low lows, right? We really phoned it in, I would say 70% of the time. But when me and Nick were clicking. When you guys were cooking.

I mean, I really don't think anybody riffs better than me and Nick when we are truly locked in. And, I mean, there were times where we hated each other and it was still funny. And that was just, there was just something beautiful about that kind of creative partnership. that, you know, obviously we both want, like, at a certain point, you can't be, I've said it before, you can't be the Comtown guy at 40. Forever, yeah. But, but, like. Well, and it's honestly pretty honorable that you even think that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There are some people in their 40s that are not letting go of that, that thing. Yes. Yes. But also, I only know the lore of the podcast because I'm a girl. I didn't listen to it. Of course. And so I'm sure some of the worst relationships you were in, you heard it in the background,

maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But everyone, I guess, like, yeah, you got to make, everyone needs stuff to get you. But I, so that wasn't a leading question anyway. I was just curious because obviously, you know, we think about 2016, different time. Sure.

And even some of the stand-up I did back then. I'm like, I don't really like stand by it now. All the inward stuff. A lot of it. Yeah. Yeah. But it was different. It was a different time.

I was only 25. Of course. You were but a girl. Yeah. I was learning. No. I was finding my footing. Right, right, right.

Yeah. I mean, once you lost, like, it was the words were one thing. I did think when the makeup came out, that was a big problem. I told you guys I did not want to talk about that. No, you were not a racist comedian. But it is funny, it is funny because you are like, I always find it hilarious that you were like a high school Republican. Right. That was really fun.

And it does. When I found it out, I was both surprised. It was like Schrodinger's tidbit. Totally. Or you're both surprised and completely not surprised at the same time. And so we're talking what you're like, because you're, it is funny that the woman we see before us was at one point a Connecticut Republican. Yeah.

And from where I'm from in Connecticut is pretty liberal too. Oh, okay, okay. So you were going against the grain. I was a counterculture. I was part of the counterculture. I guess you could say that has remained. Right, right, right, right. That's the through line.

Oh, so really you're just a contrarian. Totally. You have no beliefs. I stand on nothing. I really go where the money is. And when I was in fifth grade, the money was in the Republican Party. Fifth grade? You were like campaigning for George W. Bush? Well, 9-11 happened when I was in fifth grade. Okay. Okay. And I've talked about this before because I do think 9-11 created this like sort of generation of nationalists. Like obviously people that were liberal before that were still liberal after. Sure, sure. I think. But people that were conservative before that really doubled down on the mentality of like, you know, we have to protect our freedoms and stuff. Freedom fries. Of course. Freedom fries. And what have you. And so yeah, it just felt like, well,

we have to protect because like all these countries are trying to take that away from us. Of course. And then as I grew, I met more people. I left Catholic school. Right. Public school, went to college, then started doing comedy when I was 25. I feel like my world just kept growing. And I thought, well, it was really when I was around 20 that I stopped identifying as a Republican. And then I just kept leaning more or more left until now I'm in the DSA. Of course. What a beautiful. story. I mean, you're right that, like, I was, I'm a year older, so I was in sixth grade. And I remember, I mean, when I was a kid, I convinced my mother to vote for the Green Party. Oh, how? Well,

my social studies teacher, we had like this, he was a, it was one of these classic guys that was a libertarian, but actually, and actually was like, I want everyone to make up their mind. He was like a cool. He was actually cool. So he gave you all the facts. And he like, and we had like a little, because it was the Bush, it was the Bush gore election. And I was in sixth grade for that. I think I'm two years older. I was in seventh grade when 9-11 happened. So the Bush-Gore elect.

And so he just like, just with no, he just put, you know, names of candidates and like their main points. And I was like, whoa, these fucking green guys are up. This is some good shit. And then you learn about how, well, the Democrats are going to win. I learned about the electoral college. So, like, I was thinking about that in sixth grade where I was like, well, Democrats are going to win Maryland anyway. mom, this could be, if they hit the 5% threshold, this could be huge for the funding for the

Green Party. And so I, you were young, they let your kids in in the voting booth at the time, like if you were under a certain age. And so they let me in and I was like, mom, come on. Let's get fucking Ralph Nader in that bitch. And yes, I was, and people still, you know, are mad at, you know, Ralph Nader for Florida or whatever. But that's who I was.

But even me, I remember thinking like, even though I was like, even though I was like, you know, very skeptical of Bush and like, I guess the second, the second election must have happened, what, in like ninth grade or tenth grade? Yeah. Part of me was like, well, you can't change horses in the middle of this just war. Well, and John Kerry was tough. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That didn't do, it didn't do good.

That was when you could lose an election because there were photos of you were surfing. Right, right, because you had no sauce on a fucking surfboard. Or you did a weird yell at a rally. And now it's like. That's the most awesome one of all times. The Bia guy. And you're fine. You can rape now.

You can be friends with the pedophile. With the pedophile. The sort of, what is it? I don't know what monolith means, but I feel like he's just sort of the guy. He's absolutely the pedophile of his era. The. Everybody else. It's like the guys who had to fight Tyson in his prime.

I feel bad for all the other evil pedophiles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you would have had the belt if you weren't around Epstein. But unfortunately. They're never going to get that name recognition. No, no, no, no. So, but I was, I was like secretly like, I can't let people know that I kind of would be okay if Bush won. Right. And then immediately I was like, you know, you turn, you turn like a year

older and you're like, oh. Yeah. And I was a politics nerd hilariously when I was, when I was in high school. Like, I really, I really like liked that stuff and cared about it. And then, and then I was like, wait, this fucking, like, I remember thinking about the surge in Iraq. where they were going to send more people. Like, I remember this is. It's so much stuff. I stopped, but it is, there is, there's a moment where my brain completely, and it was basically the, the, the Romney Obama election where I was like, all right, I'm done.

Yeah. This was the last time I remember. That's sort of when I checked out to you. I just thought, like, I don't, there's nothing for me here. Yeah. Even though, well, obviously there was. But yeah, yeah, yeah, that was when I was just, I didn't. Also, we were so, as kids exposed to so many.

dramatic things that I'm sure maybe in other countries wouldn't feel like that many things. But it's like we were the anthrax generation. The sniper generation. The D.C. sniper. I was in Baltimore. Well, I was going to say.

And my dad had a white van. So you guys got taken. So what happened? I remember one time we were playing pickup hoops. And my dad came to pick me up in his white and workman. And everybody was like, there's a fucking fan out there. And we were like zigzagging playing hoops.

It was not funny. But it was. It was your dad. It was my dad. Yeah. That's another. That's how much nine. 11, like, everybody was so on board. Like, my father, an immigrant who hated being in America,

who wanted to be in Greece so much, he put a American flag decal on his work fan. I was like, oh, wow, we were in something serious. Yeah, we all got it. My father is American patriotic. That's fucking insane. But that's, it brought us all together. It did. It brings together. We've had no problems ever since. No, we're still, we're still a united, a beautiful united country. Yeah. So you were a counterculture. Like, was like in your family? What are we looking at? Was it like mostly?

Because your parents seem nice. They're nice people. They're great people. It was very, um, they were like, of the spectrum now moderate. I would say they, it was a lot about like taxes and being for life and things like that because we were Catholic. Right. But then, yeah, we all sort of shifted to left in lockstep.

Oh, the family did. That's kind of cute. Yeah, because they're intelligent. Right, right, right, right. Because they can read. So that was, yeah, beautiful. Yeah. Transformation for all of us.

But it was, I think, like, neighbors, we would, you know, some of you would find your, like, Bush-loving neighbors and then you would just, like, feel like a brotherhood, like a kinship with them. Of course, of course. And then the liberal ones, you kind of roll your eyes at. Yeah, yeah, of course. We went Bush through that fucking, that strike at the World Series. Do you remember that?

I actually don't remember that. That was really good. That was actually pretty sick. He had swag and he had a charisma. that we don't, we haven't seen that much in our lifetime from politicians. Yes. Because he was just, it is the like, just, he seemed fun. Truly. He's, and to this day, he kind of does, unfortunately. He's just painting, right? Yeah. And he was like, he was clearly astuge for Dick Cheney, but whatever. Well, yeah. You know, we don't have to keep talking about, like, mid-2000s political stuff. No, but is this, it's,

fun for you because you were so keyed in. It kind of is. It actually is, but this is not something we need to be fucking recording and putting out into the world, but we can keep talking about it. Or maybe it's like, if not us, then who? That is true. That is true. Yeah, exactly. Well, watch the movie Dick. That opened my eyes to a lot that I didn't know. Yeah, yeah. And really good film. It did piss me off that he, that Christian Bill got fat and took a, took a part from a, you know, fat actor. Yeah. He did a great job. Yeah, one of the, one of the best to do it. Well, at least he gained the weight. That's true. He became a fat actor. No fat suit. No fat suit. You're right.

Brendan Fraser pissed me. I mean, I guess you can't get as fat as the whale is. Like, that would be insane. Like that. It's so, I've talked about the whale on multiple podcasts and I've had them cut it every single time. Really? You want to do? Well, listen.

This is kind of a, this is the podcast to do it on. I think. Our eating disorders cancel each other out. I know. So we could really talk about anything. We really can't. We're in true neutral when it comes to eating disorders. Which is a zero-sum game or whatever.

Yeah, yeah. I would love to hear your perspective on it. Oh, as it. Did you see it in theaters? No, me and Elders saw it on a... He torrented it. No, no, we saw it on a plane next to each other. And we, we like timed it out.

I mean, it was like, it was insane. It's like, it's like, it's like anti-fat propaganda. It's like watching a... It's almost anti-person propaganda. That's true. I think everyone in that movie comes off terrible. I mean, it was like, he would have a problem. He would have one setback and then he'd be like,

and it's like, come on, man. And he just had... He had like a cartoon character drawers full of like different types of candy bars. And it's like, I don't know. Would he even do? Like that's not, that guy just orders food every day. He doesn't have the organization. He's not putting certain things in certain drawers.

Yeah. No, no. There's a big, there's a garbage bag full of random fucking candies that he gets his friend to bring him or whatever the fuck. But yes, that was, I mean, truly the hardest I've laughed at a movie in, a decade. Like, maybe, I don't know, I don't know, maybe since I saw Borat in theaters. Okay. So since the Romney Obama. Yes, since the Romney Obama era was when he ascends at the end. I mean, when he starts fucking floating into heaven, me and Elda's both were like,

ah! It's ambiguous. It's ambiguous. I mean, he flows off. He could be floating toward recovery. That's no chance. He's dead as hell. He dies and it's awesome. But he also gets to go to heaven, which I guess is something. I guess he's, maybe he's not fat in hell. I mean, that would be, that would actually be it. He goes to heaven and he's not fat and he's straight.

And they've cured him of his two great sins. Yeah, he's gay in it. Yeah, he's gay. And like his boy, his husband dying or boyfriend dying is what like made him get fat as shit. Totally. And listen,

in my experience, you get so fat your girlfriend breaks up with you. Yeah. It's not like they get, well, I guess I haven't had to send anybody die, but, yeah,

that is, it was just, I mean, it was, the best comedy I've seen forever. That's, as somebody who literally, there's a way my life goes, I could have ended up as the whale, no problem.

No. I mean, not. Teaching a class on Zoom. All right, you're right. I'd be a much more successful, insanely obese person. But I could have, like, truly, I know that that is,

I could have gotten that fat for sure. Like, there are both, like, I mean, look at the, look at the, look at the, not live at the lodge, look at fucking, uh, fat rascal, we're not out of, we're not, you can, that's larval whale right there. You know what I mean? Like there was a, I was 3502.7. You're putting numbers on the board. I was 355-7. You know what I mean?

That's, I'm a spherical-ass boy. And so let's say I have a couple bad breaks there. I could go whale style, no problem. You're, you become. I got really close to being like, is walking even worth it? You know what I mean? Like, like, this is, this is getting tough. Like, you know, and I was just taking pill. Like, I was so fucked up at all times. And the whale didn't even do drugs. Yeah. I would have been doing it.

Not even smoking weed or anything. Actually, you know what? That's probably what would have stopped me from getting to be the whale. You can't do, because you will die before you get that fat. Yeah. If you also do drugs. Well, you're just cardiac arrest. Some.

Whatever it is. Something's getting clogged up. You throw enough. Or you choke while you're jerking off, which is the opening scene in the movie. That is eating. I forgot about that. Yeah. That's how fucking insane that movie is.

And that's how. And they, they structured like a great stand-up set. Yeah. Because you have a big opener and you have a huge closer. And there were two moments where they're so fucking funny. It was so good. It's like, yeah, it's the bell. And then, yeah, look, in the middle, you can fuck around a little bit, you know.

There are moments where it tries to be a real movie, but that that's boring. It's like, let's get the, let's get the fat minstrel show back on. Well, because wasn't it a play? It was a play. And it was a COVID movie. They were like, it's the kind of thing where let's do something with four people in one set. So whatever. but like sucks dick.

One of the worst movies. And I, look, Erinovsky's got a couple bangers. Oh my God, I mean, Black Swan and the wrestler is. Mother for me is a sort of pivotal. Yeah. A pivotal movie for me in my life and my journey. I don't remember mother. Was that?

Jennifer Lawrence. Oh shit. And Javier Barden. Yeah, yeah. Nice, hell yeah. Fabulous film. That's a nice combo. Yeah.

Really? That could have been a COVID movie because it's like four, but no, then there's crowds at the end. I haven't seen it. really goes, it goes off the rails, but in a way that it really reflected, like, to me, like the female experience. So I loved that movie. But yeah, the whale was an interesting choice. I'm glad that you didn't get there. Yes, me too. I'm glad. Everyone's glad. All the people listening to this are really glad. Yeah, I didn't go whale style. You decided that walking was worth it.

I did decide. And then I threw, and then the worst thing that ever happened is like, I try, I've been like, I was working out for honestly like a full year and I was lifting weights even while, you know, maybe I wasn't losing weight, but I was getting healthier. And I was slowly losing weight. And then I fucking threw my back out exercising. That is such a slap in the face. It's fucking insane. I was like, I literally had come from a, I skipped the holidays.

I went on a wellness retreat because I was like, the holidays usually fuck me up. Instead of gaining the holiday 10, I'm going to lose and I'm up 50. Now I'm minus. You know what I'm saying? Like I'm doing that math. Yeah. And I just two weeks after that, right before tires was going to start, the tour's going to start. I fucked my back up the point where I couldn't. I actually,

ironically, got so, I wasn't fat, but I was moving like the whale. Yeah. You had the brush in the shower. Yeah, I had the elders towel me off. I would just, yeah, I said the tour bus, Elvis would just hook up to a hose. That's how I was, he would spray you down. He would get the, yeah. And what are your observations from that era of my life, eldest as an observer? That was probably like, I was probably even fatter than myself than that. That's true. That's actually. That was an unhundred. healthy time for me as well. Yeah. Probably just because of the touring and everything. Of course.

It was our first run of this level of success. And we did not know how to act at all. I honestly didn't like, I didn't notice or think anything about it while it was happening. But yeah, now I look back at pictures and photos of you from them. I'm like, holy fuck, I really was fattest shit. Dude, I mean, Ben and George, straight George would literally, it got to the point we're friends of mine were being like, hey man, so we're going to get this under control soon. Right. Like when you're getting those check-ins, when you're, I mean, I've told the story before, but when Ben, Ben went on the road, before we kind of figured out our, you know, the way

the company works, sometimes Ben would come on the road, sometimes Elders would. And in Minneapolis, I took a nap. And I was like, all right, fellas, we'll meet up at like five, whatever. And I was just really tired. I was also, you know, very unhealthy. And I couldn't, I couldn't sleep well either at the time. And so I hit this nap and it was like the nicest, most luxurious nap. And I slept through the, you know, I slept through my alarm.

And the way Ben reacted, the way where it was like, stop, stop. He's like calling someone from the, like literally I wake up to Ben and someone from the hotel opening my door. Because he was like he's dead. It's a literal wake up. It's like, oh, he thought that I was minimum 50% dead. Yeah. Minimum and probably, let's be honest, a little higher. Yeah.

And so then, you know, I continued what I was doing for the other six months, but then after that, eventually, you know, we figured it out. But, you know, it's tough when you get just, like, anyway. Do you feel pressure to stay where you're at now because you're a movie star? No. I have no, I have no worries about it whatsoever because I just, my view is just I've always had irrational confidence. And it's like, I'll figure this. You think I can't figure out losing weight? Yeah.

You think I can't, you think it's going to be harder for me in entertainment. if I'm less fat. Because let me tell you something, I'm still going to read as a fat guy. Yeah. I could read as a 1920s fat guy, and that's just, I'll keep a little cheek.

You know what I mean? I'm never going to get skinny. I also kind of want to get jacked, you know, like just big arms. Yeah. We'll figure it out. I'm not worried about it at all. Well, I afford to following your journey.

Thank you. Politeness would be like, so what about your reading disorder? Right. But I don't know if you want to do that. I mean, I'm pretty open about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

It's been a struggle, I guess, since I was like in college. I was 20. I dropped out of school when I was 20 and moved here. And that was where all the troubles began. I went to Boston College. Boston College, gotcha. And then, yeah, I was really depressed at school. I didn't like it.

I didn't, it felt like, you know, public school with my world just like blew open and then going to a very small school in Boston, Jesuit. You were like, wait, does the patriarchy not have our best interest at heart? And unfortunately, literally not. I was like, wait, men and women are. equal. Should I stop getting blonde highlights? What the fuck is going on? So it was it was tough. It was really tough. So then it starts there, you know, and then it's like, it's sort of a lifelong scene. It's the same. I mean, I fully,

I, but there was like a moment that clicked for me because I was like, why do I relate to so many girls with eating disorders? And then and then it was just like, oh, and then I dated like a slew of girls that it just like, it was just the yin yang thing where it's like, and there was like, there was also like I could sense a almost like joy to just see somebody enjoy eating food. Right. Where they were kind of like, it wasn't quite a feeder situation, but there was like a delight in being with like somebody who like, because this certain eating disorder is like, whoa,

a fat person who doesn't want to kill themselves. Yeah. Because I assume it's like the great. greatest work. That's your, that's your boogeyman, right? And I've had like, you know, whatever. And then on the other flip side, like, fat guys being like, how do you, why do you like love yourself? And how do I do that? No, it's very powerful. But it is the same thing. I mean, like, it's always for me triggered by depression. Yeah. Breakups are always brutal. Being too busy. I mean, the whole reason, like, the reason I got on the GLP ones was when I went on tour because I was

like, I know what happens when I get too busy. Yeah. And, and I was also trying to be sober. went out the window as soon as I got back on tour. But it was like, if I'm also getting fucked up, there's no way I don't get fat as shit with this schedule. But, you know, there's no, it's just like a, there's a struggle that you will. And then you just realize, oh, I guess this will always be something I fucking deal with. It's always in the back of your mind. And I honestly think recently on just, I know body positivity, like people laugh at it and stuff.

But like, I actually have found that there's something like healing inside of me from childhood because child of the 90s, heroin chic, everyone had flat stomachs, like watching America's Next Top Model. What an evil show, by the way. I know, but it was just good. But it's good TV. It is good to me, but it was pure evil. It was pure evil.

In hindsight. And that's wiring my brain, by the way, because I'm a child. Of course. And I just think I've, I hosted a pool party at a bathhouse for like baronies to come who listened to our podcast and everyone was in bathing suits and everyone just looked so beautiful to me. And I was just like, there was something really comfortable. about a bunch of girls and gay guys all being around each other and just like having fun and not caring.

And then I was at the beach this weekend. And I don't know. There is something that's shifting, I feel like, even though as it. And I honestly think it's this every, like the OZempic, the other side of it, which is so frightening looking to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's actually helping me maintain because I've been working with a nutritionist for like a year now. And it got really bad last summer when my dad was extremely sick then died and I went through a breakup. It's just like a lot of stuff coming at me.

And so it was all about control and I wanted to, that was the one thing I could control. Of course, yeah, yeah. And I find when I'm busy, it's way easier for me to not eat because I just don't order food or I like, I can just like get through the day with eating very little. Yeah. It's so interesting. It's like the total reverse. It's fascinating because I do the like of like, well, if I have no food, I'm going to do a bad job at this show. Like it really, and I'm not, and now where I'm like, I can go.

I mean, that is the one, like that feeling, it's like, you know, when you're too busy and you don't. you know, you don't have time to eat, had never experienced that once in my life until I had, until I got on like a gLP one. And it was like, oh, this is what people meant. Like, it can happen. Whereas at the time it was like, it was, I was always thinking about it. Like there was like a tick kind of the same way, honestly, this is fucked up that I'm even making this connection. But when you're doing stand up or even on a podcast or whatever, there's a constant ticker in the back of your head that's like, haven't gotten a laugh yet. Right. I literally am like, what are we eating? Yeah.

Yeah, no joke. I'll be like, well, what's next? And I will, I mean, when it got really bad, it was like, all right, I'm going to eat this now. I'll probably be hungry. If I, if I focus, I'll be hungry in two and a half hours. And I can have another meal. You know what I mean? It was just like, so fascinating to hear the truly, the truly opposite. The truly opposite. Because I think the gLP, one thing, it sounds like people just are chemically achieving what I can do on my own. Right. Which is to say, I'm, I don't need food right now. Of course. Even though I'm hungry. You create a reward system in your mind of if I don't eat, I have one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you also know in your logical brain that that's not true. And it's like, I feel, I feel blessed that my mental illnesses in a capitalistic society are kind of goaded. Right.

You got the good ones. I got the good ones. But I'm glad we're shifting at all mental, all mental illnesses will be celebrated soon. Of course, of course. You have body positivity. Yep, yep, yeah. I feel like being, having anxiety is like trendy now. Yeah, a little too much. I know it's a little much sometimes. ADHD, which I don't know if that counts

as a mental illness. That's way. To someone that's not, it does. Interesting. Not at all. No, I'm type A. Don't procrastinate. I get, I can focus like to a scary degree. Oh, wow. Okay. But I think that I then have it, there is an obsessiveness that comes into that where it can be a little bit distracting. It's like you're focusing so hard that it's distracting. Yeah, I know. It's, yeah, complex. Where were you, really? Were you the, baby of the family? Yeah, I'm the youngest of six. So that's interesting. Huh. Yeah. I would feel like baby of six is like you would have to never do anything. You could be coddled. You would have to be well, but I don't know that my parents knew the other kids longer. Right.

This new asshole. Yeah. I'm like I have all right. I'm here. Yeah. I'm here. But no, being being like a good like student and being funny and being like, you know, we were rewarded for the very traditional things in my family. And so I think that created me, which and I am mentally perfect. And I love what I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's awesome. You have siblings? I have two brothers. Three boys. Three boys. Tough one for my mom. And my mom, I really feel for her because she just was not wired. Like, we really got the ball busting gene. Like my dad's family is really funny. And my mom's sister, my aunt, who passed away when I was a kid, I loved her. I'm in, like, she was really funny. And so my mom just was surrounded by people who, and my, my, my aunt,

would like, fuck with her. She was like her, she was like her, you know, big sister that was like, kind of like, so serious. And, and it was really sad that, you know, she, she passed away, like, really, really young. But my mom was just, like, faced with these, like, terrors. Well, it's a circus in her house. It really was. And it was, and it was not only were, like, boys that were rambunctious enough, but we're just fucking with her. We're, like, making, She doesn't get that we're making fun of her. She doesn't understand. And that didn't stop you.

No. We didn't just hear you at all. We're like, you know what I mean? We're like, you know. She's okay. She's doing great. She's actually started developing, like, around her 50s. Sense of human.

She was being sarcastic. And now, like, in her 60, she's kind of full jokes are starting to form, which is actually really cute and it makes me feel so connected to my mom where it's like, oh, we really did change. My mom's like brain chemistry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really powerful. Having to put up with us and like, and she used to be proud but kind of embarrassed when I did stand up. And now she came to the special Uncle Stavv.

Check us out. September 8th coming up very soon, folks. On Netflix? On Netflix. Yep. A couple Netflix specials within a, you know, month or so of each other. She came and it's like, and I, in the past, I'd be like, hey, mom, like, you know, in the past, I'm like, I'm cutting stuff out when you come. you're going to get the whole thing.

And she was so cool about it. So it's, you know, it is very cute. But, yeah, I have my, you know, my brother just had a kid. And so I'm in the uncle's own. You're an aunt as well. Yeah, many. How many? Oh, yeah.

Four nieces, a nephew and a nephew on the way. Whoa. I'm jealous. That's all. So that's, so you're no kids. And is that most of the, because I got one nephew and like my best friends have a couple kids. I'm like, maybe this is enough.

I think so. Yeah. Yeah, I really think so. For me right now, I mean, it's easy to say because I'm not seeing anyone. Sure. I feel like I don't want to put that pressure on myself that like I need to have a kid to feel like my life is complete or something. But I love observing people, parent, and then not doing it. It's like awesome. I know. It's like ruined some of my friends a lot. I mean, they, no, no, you don't know. But it's like I've seen, I've seen it like takes such a toll. And obviously they're totally happy, but they're just like, this is hell. It's like going through war and being like, I have to.

I have to get through the baby years and then I can be a human being again. Yeah. But yeah, I do think there is something powerful in being like, I actually feel really connected to the gay guys because I feel like in history, the gay uncle was like the classic presence that- I have one. Oh, yeah. I love him so much. Yeah, yeah.

He sounded awesome. You mentioned him in your special. He's amazing. Yeah. He's totally iconic, Uncle Greg. Uncle Greg. That's fucking awesome. Yeah.

He's really like, he's the main character. I know people say main character energy, but he really is. What's Greg up to? What's his like, what's his career? He lives on the Upper West Side. Hell yeah. He's been a tour guide for many, many years because he speaks seven languages. Whoa, seven languages?

Tours in many different countries. I think he's basically retired now, but he has amazing art in his apartment. Fuck, yes. And he just waltz into a room, say the most insane shit you've ever heard and walk right to hell out. And it's beautiful. And it's, he's on your mom's side? Yeah. Okay.

Interesting. And then where did he, where did they grow up? In New York. In New York. Yeah. Oh, okay. So they're like New York City kids. Oh.

And she was one of seven. So, yeah, it was, it was chaotic. Damn. A little chaotic. But he was always, like, he was always gay. Yeah. I know from my mom's retelling of it, like he never really came out. He just was gay.

Yeah, yeah. He was one of those guys where it's like, I mean, though. I mean, you see that sometime. Yeah. You see a little kid and you're like, it's gay. It's fine. And it's, and I don't know. Back then, maybe it was just so.

I don't even know if it was that rare, but he just was like, that's just what I am. Totally. And so, yeah, he's a very cherished member of the family. But do you feel like you're going to play that role? You're going to have to buy him stuff. You can buy him the most random birthday presents. Like, my uncle Greg would either give you like a periodic table of the elements placemat or he'll hand you a wad of cash.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the beauty of it. You just never know what you're going to get. Well, that's a classic, like, uncle with no kid thing. It's like not understanding that to a seven-year-old, you just handed them a briefcase full of a million dollars. If you give a several hundred dollars, that's like, that's unlimited money for a kid. So yeah, I'm excited to completely, you know, go again. And also, I just feel like everybody coddles him already. You know what I mean? I got to be the one to be like,

chill. You got to bust their balls. I mean, where I really come into my own as an aunt is now with concert tickets. Because they didn't really have a use for me for a while. I mean, my nephew and I, we fight. But it's like, but when it comes to the concert tickets, like that's where I can totally shine. Yeah. That's the thing. Because I remember even like, you know, a lot of my family, like I said, my aunt passed away,

my favorite when I was a little kid. And then my dad's side of the family was in Greece. But we had family friends that would like, like, some of my favorite days of my childhood. And I feel so bad because like my mom was just in there day and day out. But I remember like clear as day one time where like my aunt Olga took me to McDonald's, Took me to the mall, took it to McDonald's and bought me a yo-yo. And I was just like, this is the fucking best day in my life. That is like, and my mom who like killed herself working three jobs at a certain point.

I was like, yeah, I mean, we had some good times. I don't fucking, I don't know. You're like, I can't remember one specifically. I mean, one time, I will say she was bringing me home, again, in classic little fat boy eating. Then this might be some eating disorder stuff. I would wait because my mom was a waitress at a Greek restaurant. and I would wait, and sometimes she would bring home Kalamari. And truly those were like, honestly, my favorite memories.

Because it was also like kind of naughty. Like I'm up late, but it doesn't matter. Oh, she was coming home from a dinner. She's going home from work. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Late night. Like, it would be like, and that was the first time I'd watch SNL, actually. And I have talked about in the past how I'm like,

some of my favorite memories were watching comedy and having a eating fried food with the woman I love. And then I started doing comedy, eating fried. foods and trying to fuck a different woman every night. Every night. It's like, hmm, was I fucked? Like, did I even have a shot? I want to get into that.

But first, I would love to ask, what was your relationship with my big fat Greek wedding? And I'm sorry if you've covered this. Huge, please. No, I'm happy to talk about it. I just like, for me, I mean, I love that movie. It's a perfect film. But I'm thinking as a Greek person, that must have just been like your Super Bowl. You have no idea.

Yeah. You really have no concept. I'm digging my shoes off. Please. Now that I finally ask the big back. Now that, yes. Now that the, now that the, the true bomb has dropped, it was like, it would, like, our church organized buses to go, because it only, it started as a very indie movie.

Right. And it is to this day the number one, the most profitable romantic comedy in history. Wow. Niobar Dahlia. Shout out to Nia. Shout out to Nia. Let's do my big, fat, Greek wedding four, Nia. I'm in, you know.

My big fat Greek wedding four. Yeah. I love it. Let me, look. I want to do that. Like, there's two properties that I think I, no one on earth could do better. And there is my Big Fat Creek wedding

and there's heavyweights. And those, I think I could. I bring up heavyweights as much as possible. I would crush, like I have a concept. I'm not going to say it. Yeah. I have an idea that actually I just developed as a Fat Camp movie and I was like, wait,

this is basic. I just, without realizing it rode osiepled to heavy weights. Yeah. Anyway, it was like art, Because it went to like the, because it only was playing in like the artsy theater because it was like an indie movie. And it was literally like Greek people from the burbs that were like would never step foot in the city, city. They were like, we were like dressed nice to go see my big fat Greek wedding at the Charles theater. Shout out to the Charles.

Still one of my favorite theaters. And it was like, and now I will say we loved it. It was a cultural phenomenon. But we, you know, there was some, I didn't like how many Italians were in the movie. Playing grief. Playing grief. Joey Fatone, the fuck out of here, bro.

You are famous. And here's thing, sneak a not famous Italian that I don't know for sure. Because look, who are we kidding? You could fucking, an Italian could pass as a Greek. Greek passing.

Yeah, we could, yes, Greek pass. Unclockable. If he's from saying, yeah. Yeah. No clocky Italians. No northern Italian.

No blonde clocky northern Italians. Give me some fucking, some cunty Italians. But like, don't send me a fucking, I grew up in the NSYN, the Backstreet Boys, you know, the boy band generation, I know who the fuck Joey Fetone is. Don't tell me his name is fucking, you know, Nikki or whatever. You know, whatever. I don't remember what his name was in the thing.

Statistically speaking. It was one of those like, and look, they did nail the like cousin joke where it's like every cousin is named. I grew up with three bills that were all cousins. And it was like Fat Bill, little Bill and Bill P. You know, like that's how it broke out. Bill P.

The other ones had the same last name too. Oh, Jesus. So they were cousins on their dad's side. So they both had the, they were both Bill D's anyway. But, you know, we had a little, I will say controversial, the Windex element.

I was gonna ask. That is a thorn in our side. That is what stops from being. Because people still bring it up to you. It's still like four or five years afterwards. It was like a thing. And it's like, that is a complete thing her five.

father did. Like that is a complete... It's not Greek. It's not Greek. It's an eccentricity of Neovardalos's father, perhaps. Now, he was correct in that the relating everything to, like saying everything comes back to Greece. One of the truest, one of the truest, one of the truest things of all time. So look, but I can overlook, I can overlook the Windex thing. It's not her fault. People didn't understand the text. Sure. You know, it's not her fault that they generalized Windex as a Greek thing and not as a like a little color. Well, they took it too literally in that. They really did. They really did. They really. did. But yes, well, thank you for asking, Mary Beth. I've never, I think I think I've

danced around my big Fat Greek wedding, but I don't think there was ever, I never addressed it head on. Was there a piece of media for you? Like, I know there's nothing as on the nose is my big fact Greek wedding. But was there something like seismic that hit you? And it doesn't have to be cultural. It can also just be like something that like, you know, when it, because also, you know, Catholic Republican were probably, and bisexual now out and proud, but that must have been the most, because being by must also must feel weirder than being gay and closeted. Because you do, you're like, well, half of me is right. Right. You know what I mean? Like, every once in a while I have a horrible thought that will send me to hell. Right. Like was there some game, like was there a hot,

you know, like, is there anything that you can remember that was like, you know, had as much of a impact on you? I mean, nothing that was that, like, you know, made for me specifically, I feel like, but I just love culture. Sure. I loved, like, girl movies, mean girls, uh, Josie and the Pussycat, Spice World. I would say Transformers was a girls movie in some ways if you're by because Megan Fox. Oh, Megan Fox. You got the Megan Fox Shia pre.

Of course. Everything. Of course. So that felt like it was really playing to both sides of me. When he was still an even, you still knew him from even Stevens. He was still an even Steve. So it was more of like a clownish. Right.

But did you do. Have you seen those movies? I saw all of those in theaters. In fact, what did we do for my, I believe it was 11th birthday? Spice World. Spice World in theaters. Can I tell you something? Me, Eldis, the Melusive and Mysterious Big P, a couple of our friends, as little boys,

no chicks. It was us. What was the impetus for that? I loved Spice Girls. I was like, I love the music. I want to fuck them. Why wouldn't I? Like, as a little boy, I was like, yeah, I want to these.

You're going to see five chicks. I was a big, it was ginger and scary were my two top. I was more of a ginger guy. Red hair played a big part. I had a sixth grade teacher with red hair. You know, Jessica Rabbit. I've talked about that nauseam on this podcast. So she was big.

And then, yeah, Scary Spice. Those were my two. The other ones, I didn't like their gimmick. The blonde baby shit. I was out on blondes from an early age, it turns out. Yeah. Sporty spice to me. like, I don't know, I respect you. It seems like we'll be friends, you know.

You could shoot the shit. We could shoot the shit. You don't want to. And then who am I forget? Oh, Posh. Posh was too on the, she seemed like a bitch. I was like, I don't need somebody being mean to me. Yeah. Ginger and scary seemed fun. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, exactly. Posh was the one I identified with them. Of course. I mean, that's one of the surprising things I've ever heard. Yeah, but that, and then, you know, you get into Gossip Girl, the O.C. It's just like, there was so much for me to consume at the time, and they all had complex female characters. So I didn't even know there was like this big gap in that stuff. And I, in school, they also teach you like, well, women got the right to vote and then everything

was kind of fixed. So I didn't know, I didn't know the intricacies. But yeah, I was just consuming, I was devouring culture like that. And I, I was the only one of us that had a TV in my room. Oh, wow. Because I had, I couldn't sleep as a kid. So I would put movies on and I just, I loved, I just love movies. And Mary Kate and Ashley, of course, you know, that was huge for me too. But I feel like there was a lot of stuff for me as just like a suburban child. Sure. And I really, I just loved every minute of it.

I got to tell you. As a suburban, were you doing activities? Were you like after school? We were swim team people. Water polo I played from young age. Connecticut. Water polo. I only recently spoke about this, but we weren't able, we weren't allowed to watch TV on the

weekdays in my house, except if it was sports. which I felt like was very unfair. Yeah, yeah. So I petitioned my parents that if the boys can watch sports, I should be able to watch Lizzie McGuire. That's a sport to me. That's fair. And I did not win that fight.

Wow. So the weekends for me were time. It was time to lock in and consume. And so my friends that could watch TV during the week were so confused of why I wanted to be on the couch. And of course, you know, I did activities too, but I did gymnastics as a kid. I was so bad at it.

Like, shockingly terrible. No athletic ability, even swimming, nothing? I just wasn't great. And I was striving for greatness. You're sure. So you were like, if I'm not graded, what's even the fucking point? I'm not putting effort in. I'm spending half of swim practice, like, in the bathroom, taking a hot shower.

Right, right, right, right. I was, like, pleasure to coach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, that was, it was really about, like, pop. I like, I just love pop culture. I have clothes. Yeah. I was very into, like, clothes and what the celebrities were wearing and stuff like that.

So that was more, that was more my wavelength. I see, I see. You were so, you were so locked into, like, true, just, like, mainstream celebrity culture. Yeah. Which did feel like, I did feel like we are the last generation where that was something you could follow, like, in mainstream. Like now it's sort of like niche. It became very quickly after that it was like blogs. It was like Perez Hilton and shit like that.

And then it further, I feel like atomized after that where it's like even more like now Instagram accounts or like Twitter. So many people I click on and I'll see their 15 million followers and I've never heard of them. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I, we have strayed so far from God's life. It's crazy. It's crazy. It really feels like.

eight simultaneous countries right now. It's just like, and they're, you know, I don't even know what to do about that, but just keep- You could fix it? You think I could? Maybe. I don't think so. I think I'm just going to, you know, have a good time in my part of it. Have you done Joe Rogan's podcast? I have. Did you, what was the, what was the experience? Like, actually, hilariously, the joke you do about squirting. No, no, no, no, no. The joke you do about squirting and the study, we pulled, because I'm a staunch, it's not pee guy. Okay. I'm a staunch. It's, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, I will give you my argument. But literally half the podcast we did was going over the like whether squirties piss or not. And like my, I went into it being like, let's have fun. Let's talk about

squirting. Let's. So, okay, I did, I literally watched that like the videos where they have the, and it literally was like they hired ladies and a guy like with gloves, fingers them. It was fucking crazy. And they put like a dye in their piss. Right. So it's like if it comes out blue, now look, here's my theory on it comes to squirting. It's not that piss isn't involved, but it's like saying Kool-Aid is water. You know?

Because yes, the base is piss. Sure. But the way there's a little packet of flavoring, and like you said, they still don't know what it is. They don't know. Some's in there that changes it. So that's my point.

Kool-Aid is to squirt as piss is to water. That's essentially what I think. I think that makes sense to me. Thank you. And what, you know, I couldn't get into every detail Of course. Of course.

Well, I would like to say that one of the people that squirted it did not have any urine in the squirt. Wow. So it's very inconclusive

but it is written about as a medical paper which I think is like who are the guys that are sort of tackling this but I'm happy. Now I will... As an amateur scientist

on the topic, sure. I would love to know what that woman's squirt tasted like because I do think there are different flavors. Should we find her?

Yeah, can we find her? Can we find her? Find her. You get eyes on her. Did they say that, did they have any other markers or was it just the blue? Because I would love to know scent. I know. And yeah, taste profile.

Taste profile. I don't think they were drinking it. Let's get a fucking Somali in there to swirl the squirt. So anyway, that's my, I've thought about it, you know. I've thought about this a great deal. I'm just glad we're thinking about it. Of course. Because that is what I want the special to spark.

I want it to make people laugh, but I want to spark. conversation. I'm being serious. About squirting in particular? Well, some people are so adamant that it's P. And then some people are so adamant that it's not. And it's honestly, at this point, one of life's great mystery is that we may never solve. I don't think, I think, I think it is a semantic argument. And the people are like, it's Piss, just can't admit that I'm never, I'm saying, I'm not saying Piss isn't involved. I'm being reasonable here. Right. But you can't tell me it's the same thing as PIS. Well, it's not coming out of the same. It's not coming. It doesn't, yeah, that I'll leave to you.

I don't actually know the whole, you know, I don't, I guess I never tracked where the squirt is coming from. Well, maybe that's step one. That is step one. It's more of like, you know, I guess I don't have like a fucking magnifying. When I see squirt, I'm not, you know, looking with the magnifying. Wait, wait, wait. Stop. I'm like, blah, blah, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill.

Yeah, interesting. And is that true, though? That's not, is that real that you actually watch squirting porn or was that a transition? No, I really do. Really? Yeah, I love it. But that's like your main, your go-to, would you say? Huh.

I don't really watch anything else besides that. Gotcha. And you're beating off to, like, and it's just like them squirting solo, or is it like they're getting, it's like a, they're sporting during sex or just all of the above? It's more like girls together squirting, I would say. That's pretty cool. Making a huge mess. That's, the greatest, that's a great time for a guitar rift.

Yeah, that's cool. That sounds pretty cool, actually. It's really cool. I'm going to check out that genre. I can send you some links. I'm not kidding. They're really, they're like, it's like they're having a good time. I love that.

Yeah. And it's like in an Airbnb with all like pleather furniture. Oh, man. And so it's like cleanup probably pretty easy. Right. I mean, listen, you got to get rubber sheets at a certain point. And like, you know, that is a problem. I will say it is the cleanup sometimes.

Well, for the every man. Yeah. For an everyday situation. That's like a lot. Yeah. It's one of those things where it's like, you know, at first you're like, whoa, this is fucking awesome. and then like, you know, it happens a couple times.

Like, it's on my shoes. You know, I'm running late for work and I've got to change my socks now, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah, that's tough. But, you know, shout out to the squatters out there. It's been a while since they've been folk mentioned in the, uh, there was a time when I was doing all the crowdwork clips that I left it up to Eldis and he posted a squirting clip literally every fuck.

And then people started acting like I was the fucking asshole. It doesn't talk about. Or is the one squirting joke? Well, it was just like I would ask people if there was like a squirting joke. order and you know, you get different, you go down different paths during that, right? But elder, and that really taught me like, I cannot trust elders to use his judgment. He needs very clear instructions. And then for real, like, still to this day, people will be like, would they want to make fun

with me as a shitty comic? They'll be like, yeah, oh, oh, I'm going to go pay this much to see you asking people squirt. It's like, I haven't done. That hasn't been a part of my act in fucking four years. But also that's-hold on, hold on, let him and defend himself. It's fascinating. It's fascinating.

You should pay to see that. Let enough time pass. That's going to be an hour starter for you in a few years. A squirting joke you never got to. No, it's over, eldest, and you killed it. You killed the potential of that joke in the crib with your overzealous squirt posting. I'm sorry.

That's okay. I was processing the crowd were clips too slowly. Don't apologize to me. Apologize to Mary Beth in the squirting community at large. I'm sorry, Mary Beth. As a representative, even though I'm not a squirter. Right. But a fan.

I'm a fan and I'm loyal and I'm always going to show up for these girls. That's so beautiful. That's so beautiful. That's wonderful. Well, look, I think it's, we've never had a non-squarter fan on the pod, and I think that's going to be a really big, that gives you competitive advantage in helping, you know, give that kind of wisdom to our callers. So why don't we, right now, Elders, why don't we hit the visible hotline?

And we should remind people, please watch Galaxy Brain on Netflix, watch Uncle Stav in a couple weeks and watch tires as well. It's fucking out. It's out by now. play us some calls little eldest hi stavi i've been married to my husband for 10 years and we have two kids together recently i started talking to a male friend who i've known for 20 years

we worked together for several years and slept together once but never dated now that we were talking again we have so many overlaps with our past and our current interest as we started to reconnect he moved across the country for work My husband is upset by the feelings for my friend and wants me to cut the friend off entirely. I feel like I have the ability to love both my husband and my friend romantically. I want my husband to get to know my friend since he means so much to me. What? What the fuck?

Hold on. Did I hear this correctly? Am I, oh my God, go back a little bit. I'm just going to let this play because I will interrupt her every other sentence. So let's just let her finish. You know, I have the ability to love both my husband and my friend romantically. I want my husband to get to know my friend since he means so much to me. Is this unrealistic to expect?

Yes. I have a husband and a boyfriend too. Do I have to cut off my friend or in my marriage? Thank you so much for your advice. And your marriage? Oh, girl. Are you out of your fucking mind? Two kids.

And this, look, you're not, you're not talking to two uptight people on this. But that's fucking insane. Your husband? You need to grow up. It's truly you need to grow up because this is like, oh, the one guy, the guy you fucked once and it never worked with, you think that's worth risking your marriage for? Oh, and you think it's going to work now? Is he even promising you anything? Right, right, right.

So they're just, she said they were reconnecting. And what you mean is you were starting to cheat on your husband. And he moved away. That's what you mean when you say reconnecting. You are so fucking in the wrong here. It's insane. I mean, your husband, you have no. you want to you're basically trying to be poly for one guy right now right this is i will say

women in men's fields this is like this is the most like guy who thinks it's going to work better for him than his wife let's open up the relationship and then obviously you get smoked there's no way if you're a fucking regular guy you're not put you're not putting up the same numbers any woman is um but this is fucking insane i mean even you're i guess what bothers me the most is her tone yeah is her like That's her actual voice. Is her measured... Or that's someone reading it out. She's probably reading it out.

You're right. No, but like, that's the person that sent in the thing. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah, I'm sorry. I think you're being totally unreasonable and selfish. Your head is in the clouds. This isn't a rom-com, my darling. You are...

It's not a rom-com because they're not married to someone in rom-com. Can I tell you he just showed you exactly what his intentions were? He moved across the country. Yeah. You think he wants to be a stepdad to two kids? Mike, that's a great point. Just, you know what, you know what? Turn the podcast off right the fuck now.

Go tell your husband you love him and please. Never talk to this guy. Just make better. Like, cut him off completely. There is no future of that that is a positive outcome. No. No. Or this is, or the other thing is you actually don't care about your husband at all.

And this is kind of like a wake-up call that, yeah, because this guy's definitely not it. Let's just put that there. Yeah. But the desire to have a separate partner when you've never, it doesn't, I mean, maybe they used to be poli, I feel like she would tell us if there was that context. Yeah. But like wanting to, and then you want to, you want your husband to get to know your boyfriend? I mean, you're like, like this is fucking. You're not only are you bad for your family.

You're bad for women. You, this is the type of shit that people hear and they go, so yeah, women are fucked up. This is fucking crazy. It would be honestly better if you fucked him. Totally. And blew up your whole life. Without question. Yeah.

It would this, it would be like kind of less pathetic. Because here's my hunch also. You think this guy's like, nice. Maybe I get head from that girl I fucked once 10 years ago. Yeah. You know what I mean? And you think it's like, we have reconnected and like. Oh, well, because they have overlapping interests.

Wow. Join a club. You both like food fighters. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, lady, what the fuck. And look, is it? Now look, we don't know everything. Is it possible?

This marriage is like love lives. Is it like on the rocks? Has your husband done anything to, you know, desert, I'm not deserved, but like. Or precipitate it. Yeah. Is he neglectful? Are we missing something here?

If we're not missing something and just, and Elders, how did they reconnect? Did she say originally in the very beginning? I don't think she specified. But what it has a start? I guess things social media. Can I just say I'm going to take a swing? Yeah, she said we reconnected recently After how many years?

Like 10? She's known him for 20 years. They worked together for several years and slept together. Worked together. But never dated. Come on. Let me ask you this. Who wanted, whose decision was it to only fuck?

Yeah. Yours or his? Yeah. Because if it wasn't yours, you're out of your fucking mind. He wants to fuck you one more time. Or he wants to just. see what it's like and then if he doesn't like it, he's out. Or just get the benefits of having like someone to talk to and maybe have someone that he has

no responsibility or accountability for, but that's going to listen to him, offer him advice, be, you know, the woman, be the girlfriend, in the girlfriend role. Yeah, so I think, I don't know, I think it's a raw deal. And I think if your husband is willing to continue to work on your relationship after this happened, because mistakes happen, hiccups happen, you can grow from this and have a better marriage, just please just turn your back on this other guy. Yeah. It is not worth it.

This is fucking insane. The fact that your call is, hey, I did something fucked up and my husband wants me to rectify it. Should I divorce him and try and fuck a guy who lives across the country while I have two kids? Just think about that sentence. It's fucking insane, dude. This shit has gone way too fucking far. And again, I am no Puritan. Me neither, by the way.

And I would say, by the way, if you were to call in and say, hey, I kind of want to fly to Seattle and suck this guy off once and then go right back to my family, I'd hear you out. But this, this is fucking crazy. Also, is he your boyfriend or are you just saying that? That's so fucking funny. She said I want my boyfriend and my husband. That's so fucking funny. Let's DTR before we go there.

I've almost, I would never, I would never suggest this to anybody else. You need an AI boyfriend. This guy is essentially an AI boyfriend that you could possibly, I mean, actually what's going to happen is, even if she cuts this guy off, she's literally getting an AI boyfriend. Yeah. This is the kind of, you have exhibited AI psychosis in the real world. And for that, I tip, I tip my cap to you, but let's be real here. This is fucking crazy, dude. This is fucking crazy. And you know what? I think you knew that. Yeah, yeah. I think you knew that. And that's why you're writing in or calling into a podcast, because your friends are fucking sick hearing about it.

That's, now look, look, she wrote it down. She said it in like kind of a tone that's kind of a complete completely devoid of emotion in a weird way. Yeah. Are we dealing with somebody on the spectrum here who doesn't understand how, like, that's my only thing. The only way I could think of somebody not understanding why this might hurt her husband's feelings is if she's just missing a little bit of emotional relating to people. Maybe.

Just as a matter-of-fact reporting of this, something's going. There is definitely more context here. And my hunch is it's probably you're just unsatisfied in your relationship. And you're kind of a romantic. You're not the kind of person who's going to go out and fuck a random person. And you think, because you're unsatisfied, that the one that got away is going to fix everything.

And you're going to make a polycule out of it. After your husband explicitly said, stop talking to him, it makes me uncomfortable. Sorry to go in on you this hard, but I mean, this is fucking insane. You need to wake up call. Yeah, yeah. And we're your friends here.

And if you wanted to divorce your husband, that's fine. But what you're trying to do here is fucking crazy. Yeah, that should be a totally separate thing. I'm assuming you're out on Polly or open or totally out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I think people that's for should get help.

I never thought it was. What about you? I mean, listen, if you, I think it probably can work for some people in the way. I think it can work for gay guys. For gay guys. I mean, well, gay guys are doing something that's like that they're on the cutting edge of human sexuality and relating to people. because like the ultimate form of intimacy is having a 30-year roommate who you hate in the gay community. It's like you and a guy that you've spent, you've gone through everything with.

You bought an apartment together. Maybe one of you came, helped the other one come out. Like truly somebody that has been there for you at every turn, you, you behave like, you behave around each other like a Craigslist roommate that you can. can't wait to move out forever. It's like you sitting on a couch next to each other and you're just both cruising grinder. Yeah.

And it's just like this fascinating thing where it's like, what does sex even mean anymore? Well, that's the thing that we're not sure. We're not sure we can't really figure it out. Like gay guys is basically, gay guys have treated sex like the Argentinian peso. You know what I mean? Like inflation is so out of control that the dollar means nothing. Totally worth. Like having sex means nothing.

being locked in a mortgage with a man you despise that you hooked up with for the first time in 1997, that's real love. And that's gay guys are scientists. But is that heterosexual? That's more of like a heterosexual dynamic. You know what I mean? They've come back to heterose.

They have invented the classic, my bitch wife stand up. But with the added bonus of being gay guys who don't care if you fucking love. And they can have sex with literally anyone and everyone. Beautiful. That's, I mean, so yeah, so yeah, maybe can work. But so yes, that's actually a good start jumping off point because I think he can work for gay guys or straight people who sexually behave like gay guys.

Yeah. Like really, like a slutty couple that it doesn't really mean much to them. I could see how that works. If you have like a thing. Yeah, if you're hooking up together, I think that's. Hoking up together is kind of like the dream. Yeah. I mean, somebody called in and like it was a wife being like, me and my husband used to fuck girls together.

And like, you know, I feel like he's been a really supportive father. I feel like I'd really like him to fuck a girl with me like and I was like I was like tearing up. She was like how do I find the question was how do I find the right girl? You know like it was more logistical than anything. And to me that is that that's what I like when I when I think of love it's that question. It's that voicemail. It's like wow, that would be. That's just beautiful.

So awesome. Are you smashing right now? What's the vibe? I honestly have like yes to some degree. but also it's just like as boring as it is my fucking job has completely taken over everything to the point where it's just like you know even hooking up which is awesome even like it's just like sometimes I'm like fuck man like I have to be up so early to yeah and that sucks it's it's a time suck for sure it's completely robbed me of my enjoyment of because like especially when I was sober

I was like what else is there yeah you know but I don't know I'm kind of in this place where I'm like is it time? How long can this keep going on? How long can I keep behaving this way? Yeah. The answer is it could be a while, but I'm also like, I don't know, is this hollow? And then every once in a but then you fuck somebody hot and you're like, this is kind of sick. So it's just a, it's a constant battle and I think, I do think I just need four months of a regular schedule to even understand what I want. Because it's like so crazy that like, you know, it's been a fucking insane couple. Like I used to lie and be tell girls I was too busy for a relationship and that was like my emotional out. But now you actually but now it's actually true and I feel like it's crazy. Yeah. I can't believe it's the boy who cried wolf

where now I'm like lonely because I work too much and the past I was like you know shunning relationships that would have been really good for me if I just wasn't a coward you know but you live and you learn and you know we'll see. But and you say you're you're fresh off a breakup what's going on? No well sort of I I went through a breakup like a short relationship. relationship breakup like two months ago, month and a half ago. But I'm just single. Gotcha, got you, got you. I'm figuring it out.

I'm also busy. I don't really know where dating fits into my life. But I think right now I'm really enjoying not being held emotionally hostage by somebody. Like, I like regulating my stuff. That's an awesome. That's almost as healthy a view of relationships as I have. Yeah. So that's how it feels to me.

That's how it feels to me. And to me, like the big bird, the big thing for me is like because, relationships were always a burden. I always looked at them as like, well, that's a thing you have to do on top of everything else. Right. It never clicked to me

that it could be a thing that's good for you. That's additive. You know, that's additive. Well, I would love to see that. Yeah. I think it'd be cool, but... It would be cool. Yeah.

Someday, someday, we'll get there. What else we got, a little LD? Hey, Zavi, eldest, esteemed guest or guests. So I'll keep it kind of brief. It's kind of a two-few. fold question. So I've suffered with OCD all my life like severe. And I also get a bunch of changing, gun therapy, everything's great now on meds. And I've been dating this girl who's, I swear,

out of my league. It's been amazing. It's been awesome. I love her. Everything's great. Awesome, dude. Been together about a year. And I start to have some like intrusive thoughts or like things I can't get out of my head about like just some things I find out about. You know, her, like, sexual past. I know this makes me sound like an intel loser. Do you know? No, it doesn't. I understand.

But, uh, yeah, just like, I find out, uh, you know, a few months ago that she's had three sons with her friends in the past before we got together. Nice. That she's still friends with. Um, and stuff like that. And I kind of can't quit thinking about it. It's a tough. It's like, you know.

Tough tab OCD. And you're dating a legend. Yeah. When you're dating a legend. me that rocks. Okay, let's let him finish. Yeah. And I think it's like, you know,

gone from like washing my hands and many times of data, just thinking about this. I think you better sucking off to you guys. She obviously never did anything wrong. She's always super honest with me, whatever. I guess I'm just struggling, dating like a, like a lady with a,

you know, bigger baths of mine. I'm sure I'm also just jealous, you know, because I'm a loser. But yeah, what do you, what do you think? She just like, let it go. I've kind of talked to her about it. And she kind of just was like, hey, I've always been honest with you.

this is it, you know? It's like me, Sarah, are always going to be friends, even though we have a recent with a guy. It's like, you just need to relax. Oh, it's the girl, which is the friends with. Shit, that doesn't count. This is literally, there's certain things you don't want to fix about yourself

because they protect you. Right. And this type of misogyny for me is something I don't ever want to fix. Because if I heard that my friend was, my girlfriend was friends with a girl she fucked, I'd be like, nice. You'd be like, well, can she come over?

Yeah, I'd be like, I wouldn't want to interrogate why that's homophobic and sexist. I would just keep it feeling awesome. But, you know, our friend here does not have that luxury. Look, dude, this is the cost of doing business. If you want to be with a girl that's out of your league as a mentally ill six, she's going to have fucked more people than you. So that's one thing. And talking to her is nothing, does nothing, because this is a, this is a,

you problem. And it's understandable, right? We're not jumping down your throat. I get thinking this way. I mean, it's human, it is human to be a little jealous. It's an instinct. It's natural. I think if it's an intrusive thought, though, there are things you can do to conquer those. It's just treatment, yeah, yeah, yeah, like genuinely. Totally. But this is, it could also be a self-sabotage thing where you're latching onto something because you want to blow the relationship up, which it sounds like you are self-aware and in your right mind, you know you don't want to do that. I think like just deal with your shit and figure it out and maybe try to have sex and she tells you about it and see if that makes you get off. You bust so fast. You make it a game and see what happens.

Damn, that's a really, really good suggestion. I'm just spitball here. That would be fucking cool. Yeah, that could be cool. But then afterwards, don't freak out. Don't freak out. But I don't know. There's ways to get ahead of it. Sometimes that is like, yeah, I mean, because that's like the, your kink could be. the shit you're the scaredest of might make, might make you bust the most. Have you ever thought that the shit you're scared of might make you bust the most?

So well put. I never thought about that. Hey, we're asking you to consider one thing. Wow. That's a really fucking, yeah, we need a pull quote out of this. We need like, we need like me black and white with like,

with it written. So, yeah, man, you could try that. You could definitely try some of that. I want to know where this, I want to know what happens. Yeah, we would like an update. But don't, here's the thing. Don't fuck it up. You know it.

You know it yourself. And the fact that you have OCD definitely doesn't help, right? Right. Especially when you have it under control. But you've never, you know, with mental illness, like your brain is also a by love in a weird way. Like, this is a new variable. And this could be purely chemical.

Like, that's the other thing. It's like, so I would just talk to your, you know, psychiatrist, therapist, whatever about it. And look, he might just be like, no, dude, you're just a fucking, you're just a bitch. Yeah, he can say that. Yeah, that's another thing you might say. But either way, you know, you can't talk. This is a you issue.

And like, yeah, like you said, she did nothing wrong. But if it's still eating away you, this is definitely a therapy thing. And you can overcome it. And I also think it's like, because I was with someone who had sex with like every person. And so that was really hard for me. And I had to then I think about it as that their past is what has made them who they are and that I love. So I think you can try to fixate on that intrusive thought. By the way, yeah, you're getting some benefits here.

You know what I mean? Like there is, check out Uncle Stav. There's literally a joke exactly. about this topic that I don't want to just do my act on here. Yeah. But yes, there are positives to dating a formerly promiscuous hot woman. That honestly, that's, again, that's the fucking dream, bro. Just sit there.

And the other thing is, how long have they been dating? Does he say? Because this is also an early relationship thing. Yeah. The more you get to know someone and the more than you. About a year. About a year. You're still finding out stuff.

Totally. And it could be shocking. Totally. And it's not an easy process. But like, it won't matter in three years. Yes, exactly. It might not matter in six months. You know what I mean?

It's like there's just, because you have just crossed the threshold of like, oh, I guess this is serious. And now is kind of the point where you start looking for things that might ruin it. And you're right. It might be a little self-sabotage. It might be latching on to things that like, because after a year, you're like, either we're doing this or we're not, right? Like a year is kind of the like, if it's over this, then we're giving this a real shot.

But yeah, dude, go to therapy, figure this out. You're good. You're in a great spot and you know it. You know it. You're also mentally fucking ill. So try and get that. This might have just like, understand that this might be part of it. So don't take it out of your awesome girlfriend who seems fucking cool. Next question, eldest. Yeah, what she up to? If we could also get her perspective if she wants to call in. Please. And her friend. Actually, we may be. Why don't you have both of them on? Why don't we have her and her friend on? Get that Matt Lauer button in and have a fucking day.

It's picturesque in here. It is beautiful in the brand new studio, Stavi Baby Enterprise's World Headquarters. Okay, next. Hi, everybody. I have a family question today. I like that beginning. For context of the story, I'm in my mid-20s. I like going, hey, everybody.

That's a fun. You know what I mean? Instead of the eldest stov guests. That's a nice innovation that, who knows, it might spread. Keep going, Eldish. And my brother is 12 years older than me, which is just to say that I'm the youngest in my family by kind of a lot. So there hasn't been any babies or new parents in my experience. So basically, I don't know what's normal and what's not normal.

And two, my brother is a very sensitive individual who takes things quite personally. But basically, he has a two-year-old. And they're doing, he and my sister-in-law are doing a gentle, parenting thing. Interesting. Or at least some form of gentle parenting where they don't do any rules or

discipline. And if she has a tantrum, they kind of just give in to whatever she wants. And it's pretty annoying. It's not that fun to be around. But it's gotten worse lately where she started hitting. So, you know, last time

I was over there, my sister-in-law didn't want to give her a toy because it was dinner. And then she started hitting my sister in the face and then hitting her in the stomach and pulling on her shirt. And even then there was no like there's no there's no rule or a, you know, chastisement or anything. It's kind of just let it happen. And then she got the toy. And it's a little confusing in general because our, my brother and I's parents are not like this.

Like they were, they like to lay the rules down. So it's not like we grew up with this. I don't know. I guess my question is, is this a normal thing for two-year-old? Then she's just going to grow out of it. And I've got to just kind of wait for age five. Or is this something where I could say, hey, man. No, you can't say shit.

You know, what's going on? But I don't know. Like I said, he's super sensitive. So if I did try to talk to him about it, I'd have to be very careful. It might cause a big fallout. but it's just gotten to the point where it's a little bit, it's gone a little too far, in my opinion. But anyways, I appreciate you guys listening.

Yeah. Thank you so much. This is really funny. I mean, look, first of all, she said she's younger by like a lot. Twelve years. What the fuck do you know? I would start there. I get being annoyed.

And look, I'm not even saying I agree with this. It sounds like a fucking nightmare. But you're fucking done. You don't have fucking kids. Does she? She doesn't, right? She's much younger. She said there's been no new parents in a while.

Right, right. Like, to me, I both get your annoyance, but as the much younger sister with less life experience. First of all, even if it, somebody's kid is their kid, you cannot tell them what to do to do. No, you can't. There's like, that's one of the most, like, red, and you can disapprove. Yeah. You can talk. If you're close to them, you could set them aside and have a very careful conversation.

But it's their fucking kid. There's no more. This is one of the most basic, this is like one of the biggest problems in society. It's like, why have they tricked every poor person to vote against their right, their like best interest? It's because they're like, well, they're going to chop your son's cock off. You know what I mean? And it's like, it's like that's like, that's like, you can, people are so sensitive about their kid that you can, you can trick them with the dumbest propaganda of all time, let alone they're dumb, they're dumb,

in their view, annoying little sister who doesn't know shit and doesn't have a kid. telling them that the parenting book they read or whatever. Yeah. And I'm not even saying they're right. No, but it could cause a huge fallout. Yeah. I think what I would do maybe is just actually ask them, like have a conversation. Like, I'm so curious, I'm interested to learn more about this style of parenting.

Like, what is the timeline? Like, how does it all work? What's the philosophy? Because then at least maybe they could set some expectations because I think, you know, I have two siblings with kids right now and I'm about to have a third sibling with a kid. And I think I've observed their different parenting styles. And I'm, I'm learning a lot, but I, you cannot really disagree. Totally.

Because then you're kind of like, they don't, they won't fuck with you. And also, I will say this, every two year old's annoying. And they throw tantrums. And they throw tantrums. And they're going to hit probably. And it's like, and so I, now, could their parents, if this was a somebody who was six or seven, that's a lot different than it. Like my, you know, my nephew is right around this age. And it's like, yeah, he's entered his no.

He's like, no, now. You know what I mean? And he'll be like, whatever. He's entered that phase. And it's like, it's fucking hilarious. Like a baby thinking, and I always literally I'm like, dude, very soon you will not be able to boss me around like this. Right.

I let him know that. You know, it's like, and that's the truth. It's a little dumb ass baby. And could your sister-in-law and brother-in-law or brother do better? Maybe. I don't fucking know. But you know who else doesn't know? You.

You're fucking fly in, what? Every couple months? Yeah, I guess I wonder what, how often. you're observing it too. Because I understand if it's like awkward to watch a kid hit someone. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I really get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I think it's, you just kind of have to, I mean, also maybe it's something you talk to your parents about because, I mean, what's the most fun thing to do in the world is to talk to another family member about a family member that's not there. So this could actually be huge for your parents' relationship with you because you go, can you believe what they're doing? It's unbelievable. It's really beautiful. It's like a beautiful opportunity to create closeness and in that,

that space. So I think you use it to your advantage and it is but God it's it's kind of fun too to have moral high ground in your own mind of like you're texting the group chat when you leave like oh my god my brother's kid is too. She was hitting the mom and then they gave her the toy like can you leave that and everyone in the group chat oh they're eating that shit up. Totally totally. They're eating that shit up. There's nothing better. So just maybe have a little fun with it. Have a little fun and I will say you you are exhibiting just textbook boomer mindset where you're like they should can hit the kid. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like, this is, Eldis has kind of found two calls between the Polly woman and this to kind of get you back to your Republican roots.

And just to show how far I've come. Yeah, yeah. I don't think we should do corporal punishment I don't either. I don't either. I'm against hitting children. Yeah. Gentle parenting, I guess, can maybe as a wide spectrum. I guess I don't know that much about it. I didn't know it was like truly no rules, nothing. Well, who know? I don't think, but here's the thing, I don't think she fucking knows either. That's what I'm really getting at is you just don't fucking know what the fuck you're talking about. And I, I mean, Elvis, we're all here. We all here are aunts and uncles. Have you had that, like, when your, you know, nieces were like two? Did you ever feel like they were, like, just give us your general, I think you've probably spent the most time. I mean,

you spent a lot of time as well. Yeah. I mean, yeah, they could definitely be annoying. I think for me, I don't know, my nieces are pretty sweet. They never really annoyed me that much. But sometimes kids just, yeah, you just can't do anything about it. You can't like shut a tantrum down no matter how hard you try. And I don't know. But I don't know. Beautifully said, beautifully spoken. So I guess what we're saying is you're on your own.

You're on your own and just honestly chill. I think it's a two-year-old. Stop thinking about it and just think about something that makes you bust or whatever. Yeah, something you fear. Yeah, yeah. Think of your greatest fears and jerk off. Great point. Great point, Mr. Sula. Hit us with another one. Hi, Stavvy, baby, eldest and your sexy esteemed guest. Okay, she wants to fuck. Pause it, pause it. We'll see. It's possible. That's crazy. It's possible.

Hi, stavvy baby, eldest and your sexy esteemed guests. Wow. All right. She wants to fuck me. I'm in my mid-30s. I have a decent apartment on my own burgeoning company. I pretty much cover my own bills. You know, I enjoy. I'm a attractive person. I enjoy sex, but sometimes when I start hooking up with somebody, my actions get misconstrued as me wanting something more. My problem is I'm just a naturally, like extremely thoughtful person. I genuinely love doing things for other people, whether I'm sleeping with them,

they're a friend, a client, or even a complete stranger. If I see a drunk woman alone, I'm making sure she gets into her Uber-Sightly. I have a pregnant client and I've been bringing her little things like at some salt for her sore feet or belly lotion just because I know from my watching my sister go through it four times pregnancy shot. Epsom salt and belly lotion. So maybe you send some of those my way as well. Let's reach out.

This girl sounds awesome. That's what I'm picking up for stov after this episode. Yeah. Well, recently I was looking up with a guy who mentioned that he and his son just offhand love trying different sparkling waters. And I happen to be at the store where yelph being my own sparkling water surprise to find a by three get. three free sales.

So I grabbed six and text to him, hey, it's safe to pack for you and your son. To me, that's completely normal. It's not going above and beyond. That's just how I offer this person. I do the same thing for basically anybody I care about. But invading gestures like that sometimes gets interpreted as, oh,

she's really into me. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, no, bitch, there was a sale. And I'm just nice. I'm just a nice person. I'm not trying to lock it down.

So my question is, how do I keep being a thoughtful person without accidentally making the men that I'm sleeping with or in this case just man? Think that every nice gesture means I'm trying to turn them into my boyfriend. How do I keep stop them from keep reading into just what I think is a simple, thoughtful gesture? Thanks so much. Love you guys. I do get this. I see both sides as a thoughtful person. and I think just in the dating climate that we're in, if you don't want to date the person,

you just have to be a little bit less thoughtful. I hate that. That's the case. But like the bar is just too low, in my opinion. No, no. I mean, listen, I have experienced this from like what I would consider not even being that thoughtful. Right. I think as a dude, I think just like being baseline nice.

No, guys need to be more thoughtful so we can meet in the middle more. It's kind of crazy. Women need to be a little bit less. Yeah. And sometimes it's me holding back. I'm like, I have this thoughtful gesture in my head. This happened to me like three weeks ago. I was like, there's a thing that I could do and it's really thoughtful and sweet,

but I think it would just send the wrong message. And so I didn't do it. And it was fine. No, I mean, look, there's part of that, right, where it's like you do have to understand the level of thoughtfulness. Here's what I would say. I think you did make an error in execution on this last one. Because you go to the store, you see the fucking sparkling waters or three,

for whatever, you buy him, the next time you see him, you're like, hey, these are at the store, I got extra if you want some. And you don't mention his fucking son. Yeah. Once you mention a family member, once you get it out of the U-2 relationship, even if they've mentioned it, even if they've mentioned it, even if they have. You can't do that. If you want to keep it cash, you don't even think, this guy doesn't have a son to you.

Don't even think about the son. He has no son. Don't even let him enter your mind. No, no, no. That's such a good point. You have to keep it one on one and you have to, you can still do thoughtful gestures, but the texting and the like, and maybe she's just like a very, you know, she's a business owner or whatever.

She's this kind of person where she just, like one of those ladies that had a blackberry, you know, like back in the words, like, you know, just like she's on her Hillary Clinton type shit. Yeah. Where she just has to, the thing gets into her head and she makes it happen immediately. Yeah. I would say you could have done that by, you can keep the gestures, but less, you know, thoughtful presentation could help. Yeah.

And I think what Marybeth says here is true too, where it's like, look, you just know certain signals send certain signals. You know what I mean? Yeah, let's say some guy fucking handed me a bouquet of a dozen roses for free right outside a girl's door as I'm going to pick her up. And I don't want anything to do with her. You toss him in the fucking track. You know it's like this was, but it is like you just have to. And the other thing I would say, obviously, if we haven't said it before, is you just have to make those intentions clear on the. record and sometimes people hear, you say that and they just try and steamroll you and that's fine,

you did all you needed to do by putting it on the record, right? And you can always refer back to that conversation. And another thing that you learn, like, here's something about maturing is like when I was in my 20s and I'd be like, hey, I don't want anything serious, but I could tell the girl still did. I'll be like, well, legally I have made my intentions clear. I am not liable for any damages here and I'm going to ride this out until she decides she doesn't want to come over or whatever. Sometimes it's on you, especially as you get older, to realize like, look, I've done everything right, but this person just is not. It's just not right. They're going to keep trying to date me. They're going to, they're going to get invested, even though I did

nothing wrong and I've been clearly communicative, hooking up is messy. Emotions are messy. People can even, they might not even really like you, but it's just a physical attraction. Who fucking knows if you get the vibe that somebody just doesn't isn't on your way. Because you can also tell when someone just is so like, yeah, great. You know what I mean? Like they'll just like they'll just come over. When it's chill. When it's chill.

You can tell when someone is on your wavelength and you can tell when they're not. And unfortunately, you know, it'd be nice if it was just easier to be, you could just be a thoughtful person, whatever. But part of this is you being a nice person and part of this is being you being a little naive. Yeah. A little. It may be a little intense, which I identify with and I understand. And I think you're, you sound amazing. Sounds awesome.

Sounds awesome. And I, listen, I personally am not looking for anything serious, by the way. Just something to keep, and I love Seltzer. Right. Just something. And this is where the office is located. Yeah. Should we talk about our romantic past?

Sure. Let's talk about it. Because we actually really haven't spoken much the past few years due to our romantic paths. Well, I think you're overdoing it a little bit. We made out one time. I know, but then, you know. Yeah. There was a conversation and then we didn't speak.

Sure. And you changed your number probably because of that. It was because Comtown fans leaked it actually. Yeah. It's because a Comtown fan found it on Reddit. So the timing was suspect. I'll give you that. Yeah, it was a little bit suspect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was such a time. I mean, that was pre-pandemic. It was pre-pandemic. You were missing a front tooth at the time. I was, which was the best time of my life. I'm being completely honest. No, it wasn't.

It really was. I'm not kidding. Better than being a movie star? Much better. I was like on the, like my life was going good. I didn't have any responsibilities yet. I was still getting girls to kiss me even toothless. You know what I mean?

So, you know, I think here's my recollection of it. Please. Here's, you know, I didn't care. How many girls that I've hooked up with, you know, don't want to hang out, whatever. It was that I felt like you, you either have to think I'm funny or want to fuck me. And I just got the vibe that like you did. You didn't think I was funny enough. That's crazy.

I thought you were so funny. Let's just fully get it all out. Yes. I just felt like you never booked me on anything. I put you on my shows. No, that is. I never got, it's literally not because we made out.

It's because I was like, she just doesn't book me on anything. I fucking put her on funny moms. And I thought we were, and in fact, it hurt my feelings more because I can handle, it was like,

I felt like you liked me personally. Yes. And then look, even, was also weird circumstances when we hooked up. And so there's also a part of me. It was like, this could have gone differently. Totally. But, but, and so it wasn't, I didn't even think you didn't necessarily, weren't attracted to me either. It really was that I thought, you definitely liked me as a person, might have even been attracted to me that if in different circumstances,

something happens. And you still didn't book that, that, to me, it was like, that's fascinating. That's literally, that to me, comedy matters so much more. No, I totally get that. And it was also like, You kind of, no disrespect, you kind of had a pattern of like, you had friends or dated people that were in comedy. And I was like, if she's, even, if she's like dating people she thinks are funny, I'm not, you know what I mean? It was like, I'm not getting booked. Yeah.

And you're not getting fucked. And I'm not getting fucked. And it's like. Wow, that's so interesting. And she likes me as a person. So it meant that like she must really not think I'm funny in a way that was like shocking to me because I was like I didn't I felt like we got along that was I I swear to God if it was like I'm not even joking if you would like book to me for one show there is no problem at all

this is why we need to communicate. No because my recollection yes yes yes was that we met and I thought you were extremely funny and we talked all the time and I think I opened for you in DC and you booked me on your show with the three with the two other guys Nick and Adam And then I only had a monthly show at the time. And I feel like we would try to book like three comics. And we would try to not have like all white guys. I know. I know.

But to me, I was still like, I deserve one of the white guys spots. Definitely. That was my thought process. No, you did. I saw the white guys you were booking. Yeah. They were funnier than I was. No, they were not.

They were not. I wonder what that dynamic was. I mean, I had to eventually stop doing that show because there was a rumor at my co-host kid's school that we were having an affair, which wasn't true. so we were no longer allowed to be photographed together. That's fucking crazy. Which was obviously really tough. But I think that was also right before the pandemic where our relationship was kind of

fracturing already. So I feel like that was the only show I was running at the time other than drag his ass, which I didn't really book straight guys on unless they were the fuck boy. And I didn't know if that applied to you, which now I know it probably you probably would have been good for it. I think I probably would have been good for it. You probably could have figured it out. Wow.

I think you're so funny. I that's literally all it's crazy I swear that was that was truly it because I remember we made out I think in Chicago for a hot sec and then it was more like I had just been ran through by comedians yeah and you were just meeting me at a time when I was like I have to stop doing this I also and you're missing the front tooth also I was staying with a guy who ran the gig who knows if I had a hotel room how things went let's just let's put it because it was a bad say that was a great night it was It was really fun. It was because it was like one of these, because I'll be honest, like, I couldn't, I couldn't really under, like, I didn't, I really wasn't going into it thinking like, we're going to hook up at all.

Right. Because you happened to be in Chicago. Right. I was also like in a weird relationship that was on again, off again, that I was like, it's probably best. And I didn't really know your relationship vibe at all. Totally, totally. Like I had no, because I wasn't listening to Comtown. I didn't, wasn't on the Reddit. I didn't know anything about it. But what was nice about that night was it was kind of completely unplanned. You happen to be in Chicago and I was like, yeah, come on the show. And then we happened to hang out and honestly have a great time. Yeah, it was fun. And it was, it did feel like one of those things that if it had that night, the magic of that night had to carry over and it just, you know, for multiple reasons, didn't. Well, I was getting into a minivan Uber. You were getting to

that. The door slid, you know, it went like that after. Uh, which doesn't, you know, it was, it was, but it was. Wait, that bums me out that you thought I thought that. It's true. It was, because we also were legitimately friends. I know. That's why I was like... And then you stopped talking to me. Because it hurt my feelings that it was like, well, she does it. It literally goes back to the like, it's got to be one or the other.

It's got to be if you don't think I'm funny. Here's the thing. There's a lot of things. There's a lot of comedians you could say like not funny or not my taste. Totally. You are objectively funny and no matter how you look at it. That's why it was weird to me. I was like, what am I missing?

I was like, like, she likes me. And I'm, I think, I'm funnier when these fucking guys. And it was this thing where I was like, it was like, also the guys you dated weren't funny. I was like, I was like, so fuck. Some of them were. We'll talk about it. Yeah, we can talk about it. I was like, hold on.

These fucking. And by the way, a lot of them weren't even fucking hot. No disrespect. The comedians. And so I was like, no disrespect. What the fuck's going on here? And it's like, and then I was like, all right, she's not going to book me on a fucking and it was just purely comedian.

It's so funny. that you thought it was like, just the completely crossed virus here. I thought it was because, like, you felt friend zoned, even though I had a lot of fun with you as a friend. So that's why I was bummed. But you thought it's because I didn't think you were funny. Yes. That's just like, I can't even believe that you as a man, like, this is actually a testament to

your humanity that that could even cross your mind. Because here's the other thing. I also, I was past the concept of being friend zoned because that was like, that was what I had escaped. Yeah. In fact, I was like, part of me was just like, I think if we kept hanging out, we might have hooked up because we had a really good rapport and had a good time. And then I then we didn't speak for literally like five years and I saw you at a Zeran,

Mamdani Barcrawl. And I'm like, I'm like, I guess, hey, right? Like, hey, how are you? Totally, totally. To be fair, it did have. It was right before the pandemic and that reset everything for everybody, I think. But yes, it was literally like, I was like, fucking. I can't get the fuck.

She won't put me on the show. It was like, it was, and I remember like a couple of my friends. I remember just like, I think Sam Maril did it once. And I was like, fuck it. She's not, she doesn't know Sam. I know Sam's funny. Oh, okay. Like a, okay, like a bell house show or something.

Anything. I was just like, throw me a fucking bone. It was literally about stand up. That's so fucking funny that you thought I was an in cell and I thought you didn't think I was funny. It's like that show The Affair where it was like told from the man's perspective and the woman. By way, I was getting pussy at the time. Oh, I know.

All right, let's not, let's not like. I wasn't playing my violin for you. That you're not slamming hot-ies. How dare she's not fuck. But it literally was like, come on. I can do a fucking bell. I can do a union hall show. I can't throw me a fucking bone, sister.

I understand. That's, it is, and that does actually reveal so much about my psychology. That it's like what, if you really want to hurt my feelings. Just don't fuck him. Just say I'm not, just truly believe. Because people can say I'm not funny, but then I like, you don't really believe. leave it. Right. But you kind of did a little show, don't tell by never booking me on a single show. We're going to write this wrong. I'm really glad we talked about it. Yeah, me too. It has like,

it made me sad because I genuinely really enjoyed hanging out with you. Me too. And our texting banter was like unparalleled. Totally. And honestly, this pod was really good, you know? But yes, it made me sad too. But it was like, damn, dude, I guess she just fucking doesn't. It was even funny. I was like, I was like, yeah, she just really doesn't. She'll even make out with me and not fucking book me. Like that was like that was I must have been baffling. It was fucking crazy. I was like, what the fuck is going on here? And my entire self-worth really was wrapped up in whether people thought I was funny or not, truly.

Like, and now I'm totally secure in that. But yeah, that was a very funny. That was a 2019. 2019. Yeah, it was, yeah, Chicago. That was that was a hilarious weekend too. That's the first time I saw Meg Stalter perform. She was great.

So that night is really burned in my brain. A lot of history there. Meg was so, I literally thought when I met Meg, I was, when I saw her there, I was like, this is like some like little girl. Like I thought she was like 20 or something because you just had such a like, such a fun vibe about her. The energy. It was frenetic.

It was, it was, it was captivating. It was, I've never, and I think that was my first time performing in Chicago too. So I just had such a good time. Yeah. But. Was a good weekend. What are you going to do? Well, we settled it, you know, and we'll always have Paris.

Yeah, we'll always have the Lincoln Lodge. 2019 and literally drinking malort shots at a dive bar. Yeah. Yeah. That was beautiful. That was beautiful. And now we both have Netflix specials. Now we both have Netflix specials.

Galaxy Brain out now. Uncle Stav. Out in two weeks, folks. And yeah, that's going to do it for us. Mary Beth, thank you for doing the podcast. Thanks for having me, even though you thought I thought you weren't funny. I thought you came. Well, okay.

I thought you came around at this point. You thought I saw more of your stuff. I thought it was like, come on. I thought, you know what? This guy has. He has it. Well, you know what? I was also just kind of, I was like, let's just see.

Because like, I was like, let's just see what happens. It'll be fun. It'll be interesting either way. Either like, I misread something and I don't care anymore because I really, you know, it's like, but what a treat for people that listen till the end. That is true. This is one of those like, wait till the end. Wait till the end.

Open for a surprise. We kind of went Marin. We kind of went old school Marin and settled the personal beef. Essentially the Todd Glass. It's the Todd Glass coming out episode. of this podcast, which we were talking about off mic earlier, for those who don't. Just some context. Just a little context.

That's going to do it for us, folks. We will see you next week. Bye.