Stavvy's World - #196 - Nick Mullen

Episode Date: August 31, 2026

Nick Mullen returns to the pod to discuss his pathetic childhood fantasy, the key missing ingredient from new action movies, Casper Van Dien, Starship Troopers, hitting the steam room at the gym, Spider-Man and superhero movies, typewriters being performative, his upcoming tour dates, only touring again so he can hook up with guys on the road, and much more. Nick and Stav help callers including a guy considering getting a job at a data center to pay down his high student debt, and a fit woman with a tiny frame who discovered her boyfriend's feeder kink. See Nick Mullen on tour: https://www.mull.dog/live-shows Follow Nick Mullen on social media: https://www.instagram.com/mulldogforever https://www.tiktok.com/@mulldogforever https://x.com/nycguidovoice Thanks to our sponsors!! Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW!   Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎤 Watch Stav's new special Uncle Stav on Netflix (Sept. 8): https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929 ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld 🎟️ See Stavvy live!! 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Folks, we have an incredible episode coming up with my pal Nick Mullen. But before we get to it, I just want to let you know. I want to remind you next week, Uncle Stavv comes out on Netflix. September 8th, I'm so proud of it. I worked really hard on it. Everybody here at Stavvy Baby Enterprise has worked very hard for three years of our lives. Please watch it. It would mean the world to me.

It is the number one way you can support me. It would mean so much. Please, right now it's on Netflix. Check, you know, whatever. Like add it to your list. I should have researched what, but just go click on it. It's on the coming soon. Say you're pumped for it.

And go see our buddy Nick. He's on the road right now. I'm very excited. My boy's back doing stand-up again. So, he plugs his dates in the episode, but just enjoy a nice, a nice little episode of Stabby's World starting right now. A new fiber. Oh, ha!

Welcome everybody to Stavis World, 904-800 stop. All in on the visible hotline. We will solve all your problems. You nailed it, dude. Oh, yeah, absolutely. We might have to change where we normally put the over. Yeah, there you go. Yeah, there you go.

A little lower? Fat. No, it's not fat. Fat news. We don't do the news. I mean, I guess we could do fat news. I would love to be the fat news anchor. Yeah.

I mean, there's a lot of fat news. We were just talking about... Breaking news and then the chair just... That would be good. That would be good. The news is the chair. The baconator is back. The chair is the news that broke.

We have our buddy Nick Mullen on the couch. Hello. He's back on the road, folks. I am. He's got little newsy caps now. I do. I know. I finally...

I'm old enough. I'm old and Irish enough. Well, I think it's more like a nerd thing kind of. Nerd. Like, you kind of have to be... old enough where, like, I'm not into tabletop games, but I could be. You really could be, unfortunately. Yeah. Yeah. That is true. And I don't, the one missing aspect is you need the big titted, big titted fat, kind of, you know, maybe 30% 30 BM, a 35 BMI, girlfriend.

Absolutely. And then she's just a pair of tis. That's all. Yeah, for us. And then you hang out at the coffee shop, you've got a staff with a jewel on the top. Maybe it's a skull. Yeah, yeah. And you give advice to everyone. Right. And it's completely... You're the, you're like a mage. Yeah, like a guy that, there used to be a store in the mall called like Fire and Ice. Sure. Have you ever seen one of those? Yeah. Well, that, at, at, um, they had it at, uh, East, not East Point, White Marsh Mall. Okay. Yeah, yeah. And it's, and it's, and it's just like, uh, dragon made out of, basically. It's, it's, it's like, they got mad at Hot Topic, like, commercializing their thing, basically. Right. You know what I mean? They're like, well, that's all the cheap stuff. We're the,

we're, this is actual fandom. Yeah. And then I guess probably George R.R. Martin, like he was sort of the highlander of those types of guys. Yeah, absolutely. And so the rest of them, like, perish. Well, that's the problem. You're not fat enough to be this guy is the problem.

I know, but my clothes look like I was fat. Hmm. So I'm like a post-Ozempic. This guy has to be like skeletal and six four or up. Or he has to be fat and short. No. That's me. No, you're short.

Well, I've combined both. I'm short. and skeletal. No, that doesn't remember. I bet I hit both. You lose all the aura if you're fucking short and skeletal. You have to be wide as fuck. And yeah, if I had that cap, honestly, dude, if I had that cap and I'm at that fucking,

I'm at that fire and ice bro, no one's even looking at the way. I've lost so much weight. I've been lying to my girlfriend and adding weight to my weight so that she doesn't feel bad. Because you could wear like women's slacks at this point. Yeah, a woman's business suit. Yeah. Yeah, I guess I haven't looked at you. your body, you're looking lies.

I'm the, I'm the CEO of Fire and Ice. Dude. I do think, I, no, I've lost mad weight. Because, I mean, I stopped, well, I stopped lifting weights, and then I was a vegan for like 18 months,

and then I was an alcoholic for 13 months after that. So the common, there was overlap, but basically lost all my muscle mass, testosterone dropped way, through the floor in my mid-30s. And then I got a second cast. Okay. And so...

So now I see what... This is that how people try it before they bulk. Before they like, this is like the cut. But there's not going to be any bulk. But what I'm saying is, no, no, no. You're just trying to get purely fat now. Yeah, I'm gonna... You're becoming George Aramartes?

No, I did that. You did it already? I did that. I missed that. I didn't miss you getting fat. Well, that's the thing. I lost so much weight and my shirts got bigger so people can't really tell

because I got a small frame anyways. You do. So... You have a petite frame. I do, yeah. And then... Shop at those. section of the women's store called juniors little missus do they have a junior's section

they do women's little miss isn't there like June yet or juniors yeah yeah juniors for guys what do they have eldest there's no there's no like this is my daughter Stephanie junior she's in the juniors section yeah because we just i mean it could be but we just assumed that like no woman will ever do anything good enough that her daughter would be named after her Like the bar is set to low. Women straight up don't get Jews ever. There's never going to be a second or third. They can never in history.

Yeah. A woman remarkable enough to name her daughter after her. It's like, hey, if a woman does something good, that becomes a man's name now. Right. Yeah. So like Robin, maybe Robin was a lady. But then it cycles back. She named the son Robin.

The other way. If a man sucks, then they get the, like, Beverly. That used to be a guy's name. Yeah. Ashley. like to fucking leave her. Ashley, Courtney, and then they get dumped over. Well, Courtney, you could still be a jacked black guy.

You can still be a defensive back. No, no, no. What happened to Courtney Farrington? Well, Courtney Farrington. He's a woman now. That would be nominally. Yeah, just, you know, my name. And so I figured wasn't really my choice.

Just every black guy named Corny used to become a woman. Yeah, I guess it's not really up to me. No, but what was I talking about? Oh, yeah, no, I got pretty, I got pretty fat. No, you didn't. Well, I mean, I wasn't like morbidly obese, but, I mean, I got fat enough that I got, my liver was fucked up. Oh, wow, okay.

So that was the motivation. You know, that is true. You, I don't think you can handle being obese because you're, you get, you have health problems at this. Oh, yeah. Wait. I just got new glasses, $800 now. Wow.

For, for, for, for an eye exam and new frames. Damn. That's how bad inflation is. Do they suck you off at the end, too? Do you get a happy ending with that? Literally the week after, I can't see out of this eye anymore. No, I'm kidding, but I can't read out of it anymore. Is that worse somehow? Doesn't that mean it's neurological?

You can see, but you can't read out of your left eye. No, it's not like I see the words. And I'm illiterate. You read the, they fucking look Chinese script. It's like blurry up close, so I guess I need buy. eye focals in this eye and then, but no, I've reversed, my liver is healthy now because I got into running. Oh, yeah.

Interesting. Which was very painful early on. But now I'm like, yeah, I'm completely emaciated. Yeah. Yeah, because I'm not going to run and lift weights. So it's not happening. No, dude. Well, that's what I'm saying.

You've gotten back to zero. Now if you put weight on, it's pure fat. It's the opposite of a bulk to keep muscle on. Yeah, maybe. Now you'll go lollipop. That's what happened. I already, because I was lean and muscular. Then I got, I did vegan plus alcoholic, lost all the muscle, was real thin.

And you're eating what a lot of Oreos, I would guess, were drunk? A lot of that. French fries and Oreos? Yeah, my whizzeries. My bullshit diet and stuff. Hell yeah. And then. Coconut ice cream, coconut cream ice cream.

Yeah, and then I haven't really put much effort into it. I just kind of like track calories and stuff, but I've slowly lost weight since January. But, yeah, no. Not going to lift weights. I do think, I don't even want. I get my testosterone. Actually, the doctor wouldn't even let me. He was...

Oh, do you get a testing? Yeah, I was like, should we get a... Should we check that? And he was like, no. Nah, don't worry about it? Yeah, and I was like, okay. Don't you love racking up testing stuff? And he's like, yeah, not...

Nah, you're too gay. I can go on. I'm going to hit you on the knee with a hammer. I'm going to charge you a million dollars for it. You do get an old... I mean, I had an old-ass doctor who was clearly just doing... My doctor's... A-cash thing.

Yeah, yeah. Where are you finding? him. Doc. Yeah. Find a random. Just right outside of the Flagrin Tuesday.

He's like, I quit. After he got publicly cugged, he had to go into medicine. Right. He said, I quit and he walked out the door.

I'm like, take a look at this. What's his red mark in my asshole? Okay. It's a stethoscope on it. Well, it sounds okay. And then I fart

and then he's like bleeding. Ah! Hears fucking. Ah! Yeah. Really? That happened. Because in their religion, that is the voice of God. Oh, really? You can't listen to it.

I don't think that's true. I'm going to go ahead and put my disagreement on the record that I don't think that is true. You're not allowed to hear the voice of God. I don't believe the voice of God. I don't know which one you're claiming he is, but I don't believe the guy farting through a stethoscope. I am going to say that. Quifnu. The God.

Eight pussy. It's all hands, but it's eight pussies in the hands. That would be kind of fucking awesome, actually. Yeah, there's seven hands and they're all wiping. Interesting. So you get the cleanest hole in all the time. That would be nice, dude. Eight hands fucking washing you down.

I would love to get scrubbed down. By which one is it? Is that Vishnu? I think it's Vishnu. I just would love to get done. bathed as a grown man, that would be nice. I've seen a lot of stuff my nephew's been up to. I mean, you can have, you can make that happen.

I guess I would like it to be platonic. I guess I would like my dick not to get hard. Because if, like, if I was bathed now by a woman, my dick would get hard. Somebody relayed to me a story of you roasting them and he's, I don't want to like dox some right. But you know, John Mullaney's, like, I guess he produces stuff for him, his buddy, the Greek guy, taller. Yes, of course.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's told me to talk to you. and he was like, my dream is to have a, like the rotisserie thing, like the landeroy, yeah. You're like, your dream is to have $75. Because people do that. They'll say my dream is,

and then it's like something completely fucking attainable. Well, that was the thing. What you're imagining is you is a different person. That is true. Because like right now you go to a restaurant supply store, get the fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right now. And that was, to me, first of all, he was a Greek brother. And I want, that was me wanting him to understand. then he could do it right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even when I was broke, I was doing fun shit like that. Yeah.

You know, I would always, I would have shit. I, you know, I was saving before, like, as we were, as I was broke as fuck, I would be like, I would, like, set aside money for, like, bongs. You know what I mean? Like, I would have no money. You would prioritize them. I would buy, like, a Wolverine bong. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was, it was funny. That was the way I thought when I was, like, 20, 21, because it was, like, anytime I had saved that money, speeding ticket, car accident. you know, murder trial. Of course, of course. Child pornography. Of course, of course. Having to argue that it was, you had ironic terabytes of child pornography on your laptop.

Yeah. I was doing research into how horny child pornography could make me. Well, you had that hilarious website, child porn.combe. Yeah. And I will never forgive the FBI for scaring me away from renewing it. that was like that it was like the fucking stars aligned in the worst way that that was up for renewal the week the FBI came to my house to ask me about material support for ISIS and so I was like oh cancel cancel cancel they're mad and then they were like do you know any Muslim people I'm like so this isn't about the child porn argument wait this isn't wait the FBI is not knocking on my door because of my website child porn not sexy it's about

My links to Islamic terrorism? Fuck, man, that's so fucking funny. Yeah. And the conceit was folks that Mullen was... It's like, well, it's, you know how they got like Al Capone on tax a page. Of course. I'm like, oh, that's what's going to take me down. Just a little dalliance with the fucking the mujahadine.

Yeah. Why did they think you were you... I remember this was... Didn't they come to somebody else's house too? What was it? Why did the FBI? No, they just came to my house. I remember that. It was very funny.

That was when we first started Compton, wasn't it? Yeah, yeah. Well, it was, I mean, you know, everyone knows the story. Nobody knows who I know. None of this audience has any idea right. They're like, that's not George R.R. Martin. That guy didn't work at Fire and Ice. It was called Fire and Ice, though. Even though George R. Martin's books were, weren't they the ballot of ice and fire or something?

Something like that. I'm sure he just took the name from the story. store. From the store. Yeah. Yeah, it is funny because those guys, you see him, he's fat, he's bearded, and you're like, wow, this is some mythical guy. And it's like, it's a fat guy from New Jersey. It's just, it's just some. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a guy from New Jersey that wasn't Italian. Kurt had that bit about him when he found out George R. Martin was from Bayonne. Oh, man. And he's like, do you understand, he's like, I'm from Jersey. Do you understand the level of bullying that probably went into that guy's life

that he had to retire so deep in his mind that he invented an entire fantasy world. You're so fucking right, dude. Well, it's Kurt's bit. Yeah, shout out to Kurt Metzger. Which one was that on? Was that on? I just remember seeing him do it when we work together. I don't remember

recall if that's on White Precious. White Precious was good as well. That's probably my favorite special the last 15 years. In the 15 years of the four comedy specials I've watched. That one's up there. That's in the top five out of

It's that. I've seen Marlon Wayans' COVID special. Oh, that's right. We watched that during the, when we were in the cabin, yeah. The way in, Marlon Wayans is one of the great, one of the great performers of our era. We just rewatch white chicks, dude. It's just, yeah. Like, I think if I had to pick one movie and it's like, make, make me laugh or I'll kill you,

I think I might choose white chicks. I don't think, like, anyone could sit through that movie and not crack at least a smile. Yeah. You know, it wouldn't be like some shit. I just wish they had a scene where they, the white chicks had to go undercover as black guys. They put a second layer of makeup on. And then they look like them, but their heads are too big. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They look like leather face for fucking Texas chainsaw mask. It's what their characters consider black guys to be. So we get the Wayans brothers getting to act like. And they can't really handle that. So we get Ray Fines and, you know, Jeremy Irons to go. in blackface and then in white face and then in black face again and then they do it so they we start with Ray Fines and I German yeah right and so just to play the base character we put them in light just one coat of them they would be playing Sean and I see I see so I see so then

they're playing Sean and Marlin playing black guys being played by the white guy white chicks yeah beautiful beautiful yeah I love that the first layer is completely transparent. Okay. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. And the next one is just the movie White Chicks. And then the third layer is... That's where the magic really happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that, man. Exponential acting. Yeah, dude. Um, uh, fuck. Yeah. So that, you know, I fuck with that. And then, I guess, I guess I haven't really seen any other specials. White Precious. Marlon Wayans. All of, Marlon Wayans also did the Slap special. You know what I think? You need to talk to Netflix. about this. Yeah, hit me up. They need to go, they need to do cooking specials. Like, there's no,

I mean, I'm sure it still exists on TV, but like, imagine like an hour long Justin Wilson special, you know, or like a Pulperdome special. Yes. Or Emerald. Yes. I mean, I named two guys that are dead. Emerald might be dead too. Emerald's still kicking. Yeah. Or, I see what you're saying. Right. Maddie Matheson, for example. Right, exactly. Just an hour of a guy cooking. I would watch the fuck. I would prefer if they were Cajian. Sure. Yeah. Okay, yeah, I think Cajun would be nice. I think, I think what would be fun to do is they should have infomercials on Netflix that you can watch. Like, remember chef Tony?

Were you a big chef Tony guy? Elders, did you fuck with Chef Tony? Also, the slap and chop was another one. I remember slap chop. But Chef Tony almost had like dinner parties and he was kind of like a Paul F. Tompkins' character of, it was kind of like some comedian doing a, a fat chef character. Yeah. And I literally would watch it.

Like, I just liked watching a fat chef. And he would have like a dinner party. And I would be like waiting for football to come on when I skipped church, when I, you know, when my parents let me skip church, when we got to the age where I was like, God's not real. You would skip church to watch cooking shows. Cooking infomercials. Not just shows.

A literal commercial for shitty copper pans that a fat Italian caricature. I bet you, Chef Tony, wasn't even a real guy. Can you do a little research elders? Did you have a favorite infomercial? Were you crushing? It feels like you're I'm trying to... You know what I used to love I was going to bring up a second ago? Do you ever get into TV Carnage?

No. TV Carnage? And I'm trying to remember the name of the guy and I think he might still do stuff with Adult Swim. I'm not sure. But it was a guy that would put together these like TV Carnage was sort of like found footage fest or whatever but he would do these like

I guess you call him like video colloquy. of old, just like from archives of like early 90s VHS tapes of network television, but it would be infomercials, and then they would all have a theme, and it would cut rapidly between all of them. I wonder if it's the guys that I feel like Ben's worked with them before. I would not be surprised. I wonder if it's a boy, Dimitri, who's done. It's a guy, he's Canadian, I think.

Eric Beckles. That sounds right. Of adult swim and hot package. Yeah, yeah. What the fuck? What about Chef Tony, you fucking piece of shit? You jump right on fucking mulling. history research. What about mine?

Was chef Tony a real fucking guy? He began working in Brooklyn at a pizzeria at 16, where he started tinkering with and developing kitchen tools. Okay. Are you reading the biography on his website? He's like the dead ringers of the kitchen. This is via IMDB.

Of via IMDP. By 18, he was pitching products for legendary pitchman Ron Poppail. How do he say his name? Oh, oh, the guy who did the like spray in the back, Ron Papat. How do you spell it? P-O-O-P-O-P-E-I-L. He's the fucking rotissary guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Ron P-P-P-I, I don't know how the fuck you say that name. May he rest in peace. Yeah, absolutely. He had a little, he had the little bald spot thing that I never got, but I remember being a fat. It's just spray paint. It's basically spray-pain, but I think it works. I think it works, though.

Ron Papyle would not Popeye would not fucking steer you, wrong, bro. So his pitchman career really took off at 18. So, you know, I don't think. So, Chef Tony's been a pitchman before he was ever a chef. So he's kind of like Andrew Dice Clay. It's a character. It's a character that took him to the greatest heights imaginable. For Andrew Dice Clay, Madison Square Garden for Chef Tony. Yeah. The noon Sunday infomercial slot. That's a good slot because it's before football. You know, you got a lot of people settling in, learning. So I'm confused. What did he sell? Can you just be like

call in to see my dinner? Miracle blade and world-class knives. The miracle blade, of course. How could I forget the miracle blade? We're just doing so much advertising, free advertisement for shitty products right now. The turbo roaster. Excellent.

Slice and chop. You know, I will say it pisses me off if you didn't have a little bit more of a culinary career. I really, I am kind of pissed that I felt for it. The only infomercial guy, remember, like, in detail is the gazelle freestyle guy. Of course. Tony Little. Yeah, yeah.

And he had that fucking, yeah. He had that awesome. And then I, you know, I feel like we, there's absolutely no way we haven't talked about 100% of this before. Who gives a fuck, dude? Podcasting sucks, dude. It does. Yeah.

It does. I'm finally free of it. It's like, I come back and it's like, what's been on your mind for the last 18 months? Nothing. Oh, absolutely nothing. Oh, boy, can't wait to get these two together. I'm sure they've. have a deck of five years worth of stuff to talk about. Literally nothing. You got the chef, Tony.

I used to fucking like Jeff Tony. You got everything. My liver was kind of fucked up for a little bit. That's it. That's the only thing that's happened. I read half of a book called Snow Crash and I told everyone it was great. I stopped paying attention. I read the first maybe a hundred pages and I was like, this is cool that I, you know, every book where you get into it and you're like, who the hell is this guy. I was really, yeah, yeah. I did that with a Japanese, like, like, uh, you're into Frisetta now, though. You got that cop. Did somebody get that for you? Uh, I, Hillary got it. Shout out the Hillary and Duhar, uh, who has totally designed the fuck and court, Hillary and court have totally designed our, uh, studio. And, and Hillary got some nice friseta shit.

Although I was all, look, I know you, you had, you're on the frisetta. I'm not, I'm not gatekeeping. I'm happy to hear it. I mean, that is just exactly, it's like action movies, if action movies were painting. Oh, yeah. And that's why I fucking love them. They're jacked. The ladies have huge tits. You like to imagine yourself as a boy.

Like, we've talked in the past about how I really thought I was like, as a little kid. I thought I was, like, sexy. Like, I legit thought I was John Stamos as a little kid. The flip side, when you're feeling dangerous, though, when you're feeling like a badass, you feel like you're in a frisette. I told my girlfriend, she laughed in my face. I had this like recurring fantasy. This is good.

When I was in like second or third grade that I would like imagine like the street I grew up on. And it's me and like five kids from school. We all have leather jackets. And we walk down the street and we're twirling. Gay. Just leather cap. Dude, I know. We're twirling chains.

I'm in the front. We're in a V formation. Awesome. And we're five. Because I love. You know why that's totally true? None of those guys were friends with me in school. They weren't even...

You know what's funny? Yours is a little fucking more pathetic. I came up with just, like, not real guy... Like, just out of central casting, tough guys. Right, yeah. And then people are going to be like, I hope those five-year-olds don't have gay sex with me. Five-year-olds walking around.

And then it wouldn't even be nighttime. It would be like 2 p.m. During the day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't even imagine. like a dangerous nighttime game. Oh yeah, yeah. We're just kind of casually twirling our chains.

You know why that's absolutely true? It's because the V is also taken from bird. No, no, from the moot from the mighty ducks. So it's like a child's, it's like a child's amalgam of like cool shit. For me it was like I thought that way and then hook,

I loved hook. And so to me I was like, I'm one of the fucking lost boys. Have you ever seen the Korean version of that movie? No. I have not. I'm going to claim it's real so that you weren't making a joke and we're going to move on

before you tell me what the title is. Anyway. Well, his name's still Peter Pan. There's that. Like I said, I haven't seen it. I'll have to check it out. And we'll move on. But the loss,

Rufio, of course. You wanted to be Rufio. But then, yes. There was something about that classic greaser. Yeah. Maybe it was newsies. Maybe it was, you know, which is, you know, I don't know what it was. Literally.

No, it was like in my head. Yeah, it was like Rob Halford, you know. Like my ass completely exposed. Just a studded. Shout out to Rob Halford, man. It's so awesome that metal is just gay because one guy happened to be so fucking gay. Yeah. And before they realized it, they're like, whoa, this is a cool way to dress.

I got, I got into. the fantasy art because I started talking to a drag queen that I made friends with on Facebook like 15 years ago. Hell yeah. He would do this like crazy makeup. That's so sick. And then yeah, we started talking about metal and fantasy art. Awesome.

It's like, yeah, it's gay, it's funny. Yeah. And it's dangerous. It's literally gay and funny. Because it's like everyone is so ripped. Yeah. And it's like everyone is so beautiful, but it's not quite sexual. Yeah.

It's like almost beyond. Yeah. You know, which is almost like gay guys have. sort of like moved past actual sex. Yeah. You know, it's, we're just worshipping each other's bodies

and shit like that. Yeah, I've a huge, I got it in Woodstock. I have a huge Tom of Finland coffee table book. Hell yeah. And that one's a masterpiece. Prize possession. That's so fucking awesome.

Yeah. Your girlfriend's like, put it, my parents are coming over. I don't care. Yeah. It stays on the coffee table. Oh, no. And my dad came and stayed

and we made him look at it. And he was like, all upset. You're like, for a shelter, you have to look at this gay arc, dad. Or you have to sleep on the streets. Yeah, I was going to make it myself, but I wanted like a 1970s style like kids lunchbox with the matching thermos, but Tom of Finland. Awesome.

I could have that on the shelf. Just big ass nipples. Yeah. You could make a water bottle where it is like a guy's protruding Tom of Finland. The thermos would be the hard part. The box is just a sticker. Box is easy. Yeah.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Would you want to do some design where it's black? It is a literal black and white nipple you're sucking on. On the thermos? Aesthetically, I would like it to be like the 1980s. I know what you mean. It's a completely different aesthetic. Thermos and lunchbox combo rather than like a novelty cup or something.

Right. What I'm talking about is... Not something you'd get at regal cinemas when you're going to see the Tom of Finland movie. Yeah, right. The big nipple soda that you could suck on. I was just in Atlanta last weekend, and I went to go, you know, there's a regal right next to the hotel. So I was like, maybe I'll go see a movie.

And then I didn't because Spider-Man is two and a half hours long, which is like, what the fuck are we doing here? Give me a nice two. Call your family. Give me a nice two hours. Not even two. It's Spider-Man. It should be 50 minutes long.

Why? You want to watch three episodes of a cartoon? I don't want to see. I don't need two and a half hours of Spider-Man. I agree. He's a man. He's a spider. That's 10 minutes.

Okay. He's got a girlfriend. That's 20 minutes. If he gets pussy from her, she'll die. 10 more minutes. Setting that up. Yeah. Grandma dies.

Whatever. Right. Aunt Mae. Yeah. Aunt May. It's not an old. In and out. Well, what about fighting the bad guy?

How many fights do you want in a Spider-Man movie? You just tie him up and bite him. Five minutes. The Spider-Man just tie up and bite his, his villains You make a web outside of his house And then he walks out Oh and you suck him from his life force slowly

Yeah right yeah yeah like a spider world Yeah yeah yeah that would be fucking cool Spider-Man did shit like that Yeah Does it yeah apparently Zendaya Isn't Mary Jane or some shit They've messed with the story very Were you ever a Spider-Man guy?

I mean I like the The cartoon was fun I don't remember the cartoon But the original or like Spider-Man kind of The Toby McGuire wire. Yeah, that first Spider-Man movie was the reason, because you remember in the 90s, they tried to make all of those comic book movies and they didn't really work. Well, they had,

they felt almost like super low budget. Like I remember seeing a Captain America and it was just like, it was like a guy punching people like. I mean, the big ones I remember were, I mean, obviously Dick Tracy. Of course. And then the phantom, the shadow. What were the other? I mean, I guess the mask. Well, those are all, those were all post-batman. opposed to Tim Burton The Tim Burton Batman So they were like Oh maybe it's comic books

Not realizing it's just fucking superheroes Yeah but the Spider-Man one was like Oh this could be for adults Who were mentally and feeble Like No the first one was good It was good but I mean it's And then the Spider-Man

Yeah yeah yeah You're watching the Spider-Man Yeah I agree with you Yeah Maybe they should have put more tits in those You know That's a big problem There's never any like

Was there a single superhero movie with tits in it? I don't think so. And that seems to be like a real big miss. If you're going to make these adult themes, right? If these are going to be for fucking adults, like an 80s action movie, you at least get

like one pair of tits for a second. Does Starship Troopers count? I know that's not a comic book, but there's tits in it. There's a lot of tits in that. And it's close. That is good. And everyone cast in that does look like pornography actors. I do like... Casper, what's his name? Casper. The main guy looks like

gay porn actor. Devon Sawa. No, that's not him, is it? In Casper? No, no, no. The guy's name is Casper. Oh.

I think in him, right? In Starship Troopers? Jesus Christ. That doesn't make sense. Aren't they all from Argentina? I think the guy's real name was Casper. No. But maybe I've completely made that up.

Casper Robert Van Dien? Yeah, dude. I fuck. Wait, for real? I don't know. Wait, is that the character or the fucking actors? the guy. Yeah, the real guy's name is Casper. Kind of a nice

pool. I don't know where I picked that up from. I don't know where I remember Casper is fucking... Well, because you had a crush on him. No. It's the only thing you remember. You're like, yeah, I guess there was tits in that movie, but Casper. I'm sorry. Do you think I get horny to the name of the guy

the guy who has a crush on? Yeah, he can slip into my bedroom at night like a ghost. He can come to the wall. I don't want the real guy named. Casper to slip through my walls and fuck my ass like the ghost. Friends with Benefits. No, I like the chicks in that movie.

I like that you saw What's Her Faces and Tits. It was Charlie Sheen's wife. Yeah, Denise Richard. Denise Richard shows her. And what you like about her is the part of her last name that doesn't have the S on it. Richard, which could colloquially be named Dick? Is that what you mean? Yeah.

So you think the two people I get horny for in Starship Tree. Denise penises. Uh, no, no one said that. No one said. So, okay. Well, I hate the first name. But the second part of the name sounds awesome. Now there's cum all over the back of the head of the lady in front of you.

What's that? I'm drinking. Come, Zodo. Denise penises. When I read the name on the thing, it doesn't say penises at all. Just staying for after the credits to see if any of the guys are naked in the outtakes You know it's crazy not only is that not what I do That's actually what you do no

That's actually what you know Yeah we already established I go to the movies I asked the I asked the 17 year old behind the counter What's the runtime on that right right and then they have to Google it on their phone Which I could do myself right no no you have to let them know And then I go and then I go that's too long and I make it like as if it's there fault. That's what happens where you start wearing that hat. Yeah.

Oh, that's what I said. I went to, I went to Regal and they've got like a Super Troopers 2 novelty cup. Really? Yeah, but it's got like a mustache and sunglasses and a hat. It's like, I don't even, it's not. They've made everything, yeah, unruly. Yeah, right. They're showpieces now.

It's unruly, unwieldy. Unwieldy fucking popcorn buckets. Yeah. It's like the Odyssey one was the Trojan horse. It's like, who the fuck is opening up the horse to eat fucking popcorn? Yeah. Just give me a fucking bucket. Did you see the Odyssey?

Haven't seen it yet. I'm waiting to see it. Actually, I need to just beg and see if somebody will just give me a ticket to 70 millimeter IMAX. Because I've been waiting to see it that. I shot the special, which comes out next week, by the way, folks. And go see Nick. The whole point of this is he's on tour. Well, that's not the whole point.

It's true. It's true. But I do, we want to get the word out. Go see Nick. You're all over the fucking place. I am really well. So, I don't know when this comes out, but next it's Orlando. I think at the end of August.

Okay, so not forget, and I don't even remember what the schedule is for September. We'll figure it out. We'll fucking put it. Philly. Philly? Nick Mullen.gay. That's it. Yeah.

Philly, Albany, Syracuse. Raleigh, Washington, D.C., Indianapolis, Fort Worth, Austin, Buffalo, all in October. Look at that. Oh, and September, too. Sorry. Philly, Syracuse, Albany, Pittsburgh. Yeah.

Lumbus Sincy. Excellent. Yes. Go see Nicholas. on tour, it's not an excuse to hook up with guys on the road away from his girlfriend. That's not why he's doing it. Yeah. That's not it.

If you're a guy who looks like Casper, who Nick has a crush on, not me. Let's cut there and then we'll start over. This is a way for me to hook up with guys on the road. Doesn't really care about comedy. Actually an excuse to be a closeted homosexual, a practicing closet at homosexual. Because what is it really being a closet homosexual if you're not having sneaky gay sex? To be closeted, don't you have to be private thing? I think that's what it is by definition, yeah.

But if you just don't have sex, are you even closeted at the time? I don't know. Do you think we're ever going to get to a point where it's not even like a different thing to be gay? There's just gay sex and then you're just a guy? I think so at some point. Because you see it with, you know where you start to see it with like Greek people? no well

yes in ancient Greece it had come on to this actually that's that's an example of society where gayness went out of control

and like Sparta it's so fucking funny those guys literally just fuck each other's asses yeah and then they kind of kept their women in like a pen like cows yeah

and you went every once in a while you'd be like I have to go fuck my wife to have an air and it might be true so I don't know but like we're like

conservatives will blame historical societal collapses on like oh it's because they let people have gay sex right like there wasn't anything else like the war yeah yeah yeah like they made coins mismanaged supply chains there wasn't any other thing that happened because you look at it now and like you know America's cook we're done for sure we're done for sure and but we are also like you can you know every we're inventing new types of gay right but there isn't a one-to-one relationship between that and like starting a stupid war with Iran.

Of course. You know? Well, I think it's just... But in a thousand years, people are going to be like, they were letting men play women's sports. Right. That's right. They're like, really?

Didn't have anything to do with the Jews? I mean, well, some people will say that, but they'll get fired. Of course, of course. Yes, yes. I think, I think, like, the more a society gets good, the more you're allowed to... You have time to figure out how gay you are? You know what I mean?

Like, when you're just in the fields all day, 12 hours, you either think... Yeah, but they're fucking out in those fields. You're out of your fucking mind if you think those guys weren't. Well, they were doing it just to purely blow off steam amongst each other. Yeah. But they didn't even... That's how they made the steam.

Everything was steam powered back then. The steam engine is powered with gay guys, I would say. That's where the term running a train comes from is actually there was 10 guys in the tube part... The cheapest form of labor was Chinese guys having gay sex on train. The tube part of an old-timey train is filled with guys' buffers. in each other. Shoveling like winks into a furnace. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And the steam. The steam that came off of them. Yeah. I was in the steam room at, uh, at the lifetime gym and Atlanta. There's only, there was one Indian guy in there, completely naked. And then sitting in a way you shouldn't sit while naked, which was like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like crossing his legs.

Crossing his legs. Highlights. Yeah, what all his balls or spilling out. Yeah. Yeah. You know. And then it's like, just like, Fupa's draping in between his legs. And, you know, I'm like, all right.

And then I was in there and then I go to leave. And he's like, my friend, sir, can you please press the button? And just the way he said it, I was like, there's no way I'm pressing that fucking button for him. You're going to have to uncross your legs, get up, press the button on your own. You cannot show me that much of your asshole. You know. Expect me to re-steam the room. Yeah.

Not happening. No. Yeah. I know, dude. I went to, I was in, I was in a sauna and a guy was. was just like laying kind of, and was not looking to do gay shit, was just the guy who was in the sauna for clearly, he got annoyed when anybody else would use the sauna,

pretending it's like his, and he literally just sprawled. And his dick, he was on the second level, and his dick was just right at eye height. Yeah, that's like, you couldn't. And it was like the center of the room. It was like how the fucking, the Sistine Chapel, it's got that vanishing point.

Yeah, the everything, huh? There is a penis in the middle of it. Yeah, and everything. kind of tracks from there. And then a guy's trying to touch it. This guy's cock was the focal point of the sauna. And he was a weird Dutch guy. And then a lady came in and she got naked in like an aggressive European way.

Where was this? This was in Amsterdam. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the sonnas are not co-ed anywhere. Which I will, I like that. It was a little Starship Trooper vibes in Amsterdam where it's like, look, take your tits out. take your cock out, we're just people.

No one's fucking. Well, now I go back on, because that's the other thing. They say, oh, Europe's collapsing because they let in all these immigrants. But then Europe's doing stuff like that. And it's like, you know, the sauna is, you're in there to get your heat shock proteins. Right. Not to see tits? Yeah.

But what I'm saying is it's kind of nice because I didn't even register them as tits. I was there just to get the heat. She was just naked in a way that was like all business. Yeah. Which I kind of respected. I was like, huh? I don't even want my dick isn't even thinking about getting hard Amsterdam home of Van Frank really I wonder if they had a sauna in there

you ever see how big the secret Annex was no I mean blur out what he did with his hands I mean it's not first of all not much of a fucking secret obviously right she got got yes yeah right and then also in Annex it was like it was like a five-story brownstone oh wow you may read it and you're thinking like oh it's It's a attic that you're in. No, it's a whole other building behind the building. I never read it because, like, I was too bummed after reading, like, a couple other Holocaust things.

And I was like, I think I got it. I think between night and mouse, I'm good. Nightmouse. Night, not night mouse. You read a comic book called Nightmouse. That would be fucking awesome. Yeah. Honestly, a comic book where an inglorious bastard's version of mouse, where the mouse

becomes night mouse and he kills all the fucking Nazi cats that would be fucking awesome I like when they Isn't that what Fival Goes West is? I love Fival Goes West Does he kill Nazis in that? I don't think that's what they

Isn't there an original Fival that was like that? Oh that's pretty fucking same And an American tale is the sequel Uh huh Oh yeah because they come from Europe or whatever When I got fat and my hair was a little bit longer And I had mutton chops I looked like Tiger

I looked exactly like Tiger from Pival Goes West Dude, mutton chops fat with that hat would be awesome, dude. Yeah. It's a shame you'll never fully get fat as shit because of your body dysmorphia, because you would make a great fat guy. I don't have body dysmorphia. I just, I never really had my sights on gaining two or three hundred pounds.

No, no, it's your disorder. It's your disorder that keeps you this unhealthy weight. No, it was kind of nice that I did that the, fucking the governor went off like when I was just getting like because if I had gotten any fatter then it would been that would have been it would have been it you know I'm like middle age now you're not gonna oh yeah no but I and the damage is done like I'm in shape now but I look like a fucking you know see this is the body dysmorphia you look fine well I'm just I'm kind of just I'm like my body looks very tired you sure sure yeah yeah yeah but I think you could snap back into it fast

if you wanted to yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah Yeah. That's what I mean. All that stuff goes away. You get old enough and everything. Then it's your joints. You're sort of resigned to where you are. Is that what you're saying?

Well, it's like, what's the fucking point? I'm going to be dead before I know it. Yeah. Even if I live healthy, it's like, you know, I can't. Where the fuck? How the fuck am I 40 years old? You got another 40 in you, though? Yeah, but that's going to go by like that.

Yeah, you're right. You know? You're right. I just got to like. And it's going to be worse. Every year's going to be worse. Right. I mean, but I got like, I got five more iPhones in me.

Hold on. Like, that's it. Ten years. That's not ten years. You hold, you get an iPhone every two years? I think that's pretty standard. That's crazy. Let's say three.

That's 12 years or whatever, 15? I don't, I go until they're like, they don't. You can't get the, you know, the upgrade. I see, I see. Or the new, the new. You still got the fucking bullshit? I have a 15, no. But that's because I had like a 10 or something before.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. All right, right. I wait a while. I'm going to hang on to my MacBook forever. That thing's great. The MacBook Air? I like a MacBook Air, brother.

Yeah. I do need a new, I need a nice new fucking laptop. I've sullied my... Here's how fucking lazy I am. I don't want a home laptop and an office laptop. I do that.

Yeah, so at the office, I use like a web client or something. The office has nothing in it. Just writing. Yeah, I love that. And then if I ever start fucking around, I leave. So that place is like just for work.

Fuck, dude. Would it be too performers to be a fucking typewriter guy with that little? 100%. Absolutely not. There's a typewriter and a little fucking already have the pipe.

Do you know, you might want to blur his name. He's fine, but then he lived with a friend of ours. Do you know him? I don't think so. But he lived with a friend of ours and there were roommates

and the roommate got a typewriter and he would take videos like recording the sound of the typewriter in his room and send it to everyone. Oh my God, dude. To make fun of them. Yeah, I mean, it's ridiculous to use a fucking typewriter. You can't use a fucking typewriter. And it slows you down, too.

Yeah. They're like not ergonomic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want a fucking, yeah, I want a little fucking to write my, to write my, the white clumps screenplay that I'm trying to get off the ground. I want to get the white clumps I want to do. Yeah. And it's called, the subtitle is, look what they found on my blood work.

What would the doctor found on Stops' blood work? Yeah, maybe a Fat Camp movie. I got some fucking ideas. I got some fucking ideas. Heavyweights is masterpiece. So good. It's so fucking good. What about a reboot?

I actually, yeah, I would love to write the sequel to fuck, the reboot to Heavyweights. Tony Perkins. I'm Tony. You know what, I'm going to save this. Actually, it's too good to fucking put over the air. Yeah. Just to write a sequel to a movie, you don't have the rights to do it.

I don't have the rights to do it at all. And so this time you see his cock. Yeah. Just something. It's got Denise Richards in it, but guess what? It's a guy named Richard Denise. Plays Denise Richards, and we give him fake tits. Yeah, it's kind of like it mashes up the Starship Troopers in Heavyweight Universe.

We're at the heavyweight camp, the spaceship. comes down and all the fucking girls suck the little faggotts cox and it's kind of it's kind of written from the position of me when I was 13 where I was like this would be awesome yeah if a spaceship came down and Denise Richards sucked my dick yeah why don't we ever see that those kind of we just watched uh I watched Jason at Jason 10 Friday the 13th 10 oh yeah and he's like on a spaceship on that one mm-hmm uh and that was really fucking stupid and fun because it was just like a complete shitty Star Wars rip off, and then Jason just starts killing people. It's like, yeah, why aren't we blending, why aren't we blending genre like this?

Are there any serial killers in Star Wars? I never watched the, what's the good ones, the Andor. But yeah, I got, I saw that button on there, and I'm like, I got to press that. What would you even, would you only watch Star Wars shit on Disney Plus? Would you watch Disney Plus? I don't know what else is on there. I mean, I would probably only be to watch Andor. Yeah.

Yeah. No fucking little. Because I really liked, and everyone would make. fun of me for it, but I like that Rogue One movie. Rogue one was fucking good. Yeah. That's the only Star Wars movie I like.

Yeah, because it's like, they do die. It's the only one where it's like... Yeah, right. The rest of them are bullshit. Yeah, we're gonna start getting movie. And there was basically like, what if a good show happened in Star Wars? Yeah.

But then why don't we have like Star Wars SVU where it's a bunch of alien rapists? Or a serial killer, yeah. Yeah. That'd be good. Yeah. That'd be fucking good. A bunch of tentacles and shit like that.

Mm-hmm. Well, the Jaba would be the prime suspect ever. Every single time. Every single time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm surprised he never got M-Tood. Jabba the Hut? Yeah.

I think he was just an out rapist, right? Like his whole thing was being a... Wasn't he going to rape a... How would he have assaulted Princess Leia? Probably the way we see him doing it on screen. He cut... He's putting a chain around her neck and making her wear underwear. That's true.

Yeah. I don't think that's... Like, if that came out, people wouldn't be like, well, that's fine. right if somebody if a producer was making a star do that yeah but i'm saying does you know what he probably had a cock like harvey winestein he probably didn't have a cock it was like a little fucked up nub yeah i remember when that trial was happening they were like drawing pictures of it was basically a pussy is what they were described yeah it was all burned off because he had some sort of like type of gangrenous infection jesus christ yeah that's fucking it sounds job of the hut like where it's like you

have to touch their fucked up little like i bet under job of slimy tail he's got a lot like is is 100% serious uh Harvey Weinstein got set up did nothing wrong. Lev fur? Yes. God, Leve is so funny. He's like if you fight. I know. He's like, he's like if you read the letters, the women's sentence. What? Dude, comedians trying to zag so hard they end up supporting Harvey Weinstein. Yeah, yeah. This is the problem with hot take culture, man. Yeah. You can't just pick something that's obviously true and correct to be on the one side of and they'd be like, no one's got this take. It's like, yeah, because that's fucking stupid.

Yeah. Because he's clearly a fucking rapist. Well, the thing is, is like, that is a good way to write a joke. That's true. You know, the problem is is that we stopped doing that. No longer did a comedian have to write a joke. You could just say the thing that's bad. Right, right, right.

And then that's kind of what the job is now. You're so right. The job now is being like, what is everybody? It's like so clearly hot take in. Like, uh, they say this. I say this other thing. I'm actually fucking smart. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know, dude, it would be, yeah, that is, that would be a good joke. If somebody just came out there, be like, Harvey Weinstein's been set up. Yeah. Hilarious, dude. Yeah. But, you know, it is funny now everybody has to have thoughts and, and support them and shit like that. It's like, I'm not doing that.

I'm not debating anybody. Yeah, you don't. And then also comedians, they don't, you don't really like, uh, things don't really work out until your brain is already not really working. Yeah, that's true. You know? You kind of hope it happens, like, the last, like, two months that your brain's working. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Like, I feel like, and then, and then you just hopefully can rest on your rules. Yeah. And with AI, it's like we're just not even going to need a brain pretty soon. Are you plugging in? Oh, yeah. Literally everything I have. Like, I don't make any of my own food.

I don't even make any of my own food. I go to fucking. You're going to have a gondom, aren't you, dude? I basically do. Yeah, yeah. Because it's now just in the Google search, you know. I have it make my smoothies for me. You have AI make your smoothies?

Yeah, I'm like, tell me what to put in this. Tell me what to... They're like more prep. I go to Apple Health and I screenshot what nutrition that I've gotten. And then I'm like, fix this. And it's like, you need to eat a Brazil nut and some chia seeds. You're like, yes, sir. What the fuck is that?

Yeah. Show me a picture. I'm in the grocery. store. I take a picture. I don't even want to Google it. Tell me where to go in the grocery store. That's fucking awesome, dude. You're just going to have like a fucking GoPro for your head and be constantly showing. I take a picture of the checkout. I'm like, how much do I owe? Yeah. And then it's like take this many dollars and coins out. And then I pull out my change purse, like a guy that was in a care facility. It looks like you had a traumatic brain injury in there.

Yeah. Just be patient with him. I did have a traumatic brain injury. Yes. What was that? Being 40 years old. Just life. There's all the traumatic brain injury. So you're ready to give in to the fucking robots, huh? That's not up to me. It's not up to. I don't feel like I have any control over anything. If that's what you say, in the same way, I don't have any control over the surveillance

state. If fucking personal privacy is not a value that we have and not something that I'm afforded, well, I don't have a gun. And if I did, I mean, I would imagine if I went to the white, I would get shot by a sniper immediately. There's nothing I can do. about it. We live in a fucking prison. Right.

If they put, if they got, if, if I was in prison and they're like, everybody gets a Roomba, am I going to like not use the Roomba? Because I'm like, oh, well, that takes away one of the trustees jobs. I'm being raped every day. What the fuck do I care? So you're, you want to make, you're basically in let me make my cell as comfortable as possible mode. I guess. Let me make some, fuck it.

They're like, all the data centers are using up all the water. I'm sure they are. I'm sure they are. But would you be for or against bombing a data center, for example? I would think it was pretty funny if it happened. But I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to be the one that does it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, at least you would think it's funny. Yeah, no, like there's two ways to be blackpilled. I mean, actually, there's only one way, right? And I don't think people think they're blackpilled, but then they're... They're still secretly showing signs of hope. They're just cynical and they're dissenters, and so they're not participating. in any of these things. And it's like, well, you might just,

you mind fucking well. What does it matter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who gives a shit? Who fucking cares? Yeah, right. I just think most of it is gay. Like, I think every, most AI thing sucks that I see.

I mean, I will give you sometimes the, like, the impressions are pretty good. Like, it is funny on a pure, like, dumb level to hear, like, you know, for example, Joe Biden talking about smoking Cush or whatever the fuck. Like, that kind of shit is funny, but... I thought I had doctor's appointment. But it's tomorrow. My doctor's calling me.

I'm like, fuck. Fuck, did I miss another back appointment? Yeah, they're like, Google Gemini forwarded your scale data test. Yeah, your microphone is probably listening to you right now. That is true. They're making doctor's appointments on your behalf. Yeah, I don't know, man. I still...

Would you have an AI girlfriend? No. No, okay. Yeah, that's too far. Okay, respect. Yeah. What if it was a fucking perfect robot with an awesome robot pussy? It's just for outsourcing the shit that I don't even want to fucking think about.

I don't want to waste any more time. I don't want to, I mean, it's literally a Google search could do it. But it's like I said, it's in the Google search now. So I'll Google search, am I getting enough fucking potassium? And then it'll, Jim and I will tell you, well, typically people want this. All right, I'm not reading that. Is this enough? No, it's not.

I have to keep my brain sharp. to watch, for example, Sentinel is a good show. It is. What are you using your brain for would be my great question to you that you can't just search how much potassium you need? But I do search it, and then the AI is like, allow me to, if I may have this dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

If I may step in here. Yeah, yeah. All right. Respect, man. I understand. And look, you know, we're progressive guys. Of course. There's a whole slew of things that on principle you're supposed to not like.

I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not a fucking accolade of AI, but if there was, like, if you told me that the toilet can now wipe your ass. You're not going to stop. And I started doing that. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, well, that, but see, that's when you do that, it means that something bad. You know, I just.

Somebody has to drink the shit water. Every time the toilet wipes your ass, it waterboards a Latino family. Yeah. I mean, the big problem with that, you remember Ed Zittron? Sure. Yeah, so he's got a whole newsletter now, and he's, like, doing a big short thing on, like, the financing model for all of this stuff. It does feel like it can't work. It does feel like it's fake.

Yeah, it is. I mean, he can explain in detail. Shout out Ed Zittron, and if you want to check out his newsletter. Be prepared. Every article is something like 20,000 words, which I hope he's not insulted by me. It's fine. He works hard. He works very hard.

They're very long articles. I was joking privately. So they're sort of like my dick. The article by the same length as my dick. Yeah, 20,000 words. Small, tiny, minuscule. Even if the words describe small, the amount is big. There's 20,000 words that can describe how small.

No. It's all about the amount of words. It's not what the words are. It's quixy, bitsy. It's quantity. It's quixy bitsy. Those are not words. Yeah.

Those are real words. I would describe my penis as itsy-bitty. You try to like the itsy-bitty-picky. Come suck this itsy-bitty-pricky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah. No, I understand people get mad at you for using the... And everybody...

No, no, I don't think about there. ...using it. Come on. You Google stuff, it's right there. I'm not... I legit am not using it mostly out of, like... I don't know, not wanting to learning you thing, if I'm being completely honest.

Oh, there's nothing to learn. It's literally just... Google search and then it pops. I mean, you use a phone. You see it. Eldis does it all the time. I get mad at him because I'm like, are you Googling or are you doing the AI overview? And he just every time goes against my wishes

and read the eye overview. He doesn't scroll down even one second. The banter is too rapid fire on the show. I got to meet up. Right. You always have it ready to go. God forbid we wait four more seconds. You're already two minutes fucking late on what we

talked about. Anyway, whatever. fuck you eldest it's good too for there'll be a bug in my apartment I'll be like what the hell is this bug and then it'll be like it's this I'm like well should I squish it or not and it says don't squish that one

I'm like alright that's fucking awesome yeah you yeah you got you got Gem and I to thank for that one Mr. Bug you live another day I literally I did I was out running and there was a worm

on the sidewalk and I picked it up because it was hot out sure and I was like what should I do with this worm and I was like, can I just put it in it? And what did the Google tell you? What did the AIs tell you to do, man? Find the patch of grass with some shade.

Wow. Good thing you have to fucking look that up, you fucking idiot. Well, I didn't know. I mean, because my concern is that he's like halfway through the sidewalk. Sure. There's dead worms everywhere. I'm like, is he trying to get to the other side of the sidewalk? Does he know what's going on with his worm?

And it's like, no. just put it back in the shade it got there it got stuck right you know i'm like okay that makes sense i agree i just didn't think you needed fucking gemini to weigh in on if if that didn't exist i know myself right i would have picked the worm up i know now i wouldn't have squished it up i would have put it in the grass i would have walked two blocks i would have gone that worm was trying to get across the sidewalk i would have walked back i would have found the worm put it back on the side of the sidewalk, walked another two blocks, come back, picked it up again, put it back

in the middle of the sidewalk and told myself that nature knows what it wants. Right. I shouldn't. Then I would walk two blocks. And then I spend the rest of the day going, did I, should that worm? Did I kill that worm? Is that on me now? So really, all this is is a way for you not to worry.

You have outsourced worrying to the computer. Yeah, yeah, basically. Yeah. Yeah, it is helpful for that. Yeah. Because the whole point of the algorithm is clearly to just like put make you as anxious as possible. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's just to, yeah, to constantly be feeling, yeah, just telling you how to fucking think. And it allows, now people just be like, well, we didn't do it.

The algorithm did it? You know what I mean? Like when they tell you, like, you know, what to look at, you're like, well, it's not us. Fucking science wants you to look at whatever the fuck it is. Yeah. In my case, it's mostly like women with huge tits and grilled meats and like, that kind of thing.

So I guess I have no reason to doubt the. algorithm, it doesn't know me pretty well. Yeah, but AI and the algorithm are different things. Interesting. The algorithm is entirely active. That just shoves shit in your face. Look at this.

The AI, you have to, it's like a vampire. You have to invite it into your house. And I haven't yet. Yeah. I haven't yet. I'm sitting here with fucking garlic around my shit. And that's why you remember names like Casper DePeniaso. Yeah.

Denise penis. Denise mother-pudding. You got this amazing recall from... I do, I do. Yeah. Casper and Denise Charlie Sheen's wife. Yeah. Who has AIDS, by the way, Charlie Sheen.

Pretty fucking hilarious. I mean, to get AIDS being that rich. Right, a movie star. And mostly straight. Like, he's gay the way like, you know, the way like I'll sometimes get like Thai food. Right. Because it's like, I don't really like Thai food. I eat out so much every once in a while I'll just get some fucking pat.

Yeah. Like that's how he fucked guys, it seems like. Right. He fucked 40,000. It would be like if the. Queen of England got ringworm. It's like that's stupid. I know.

How is that even possible? I know. Which, again, you tip your cap to it. And he's told stories about people thinking he was selling cocaine. Like his dealer, his dealer's supplier wanting to have a meeting with him because they thought they were going behind their back and like wholesaling. And he's like, oh, no, dude, I'm doing this much crack. So it's like, that's a guy that to be still alive, I respect Charlie Sheen, a great deal. I mean, I hope he didn't do any.

I'm sure he did some heinous shit. So if he did anything bad, I'd take it back. But if all he did was get AIDS. Well, he was giving people AIDS without telling them. Then I rescind my support of Charlie Sheen. Yeah. I did not know he was doing that. So you got a big problem with Gemini.

No problem with Charlie Sheen. You know what? That's a good point. Eldis, fuck you. I know your bitch ass can't wait to surrender to AI as well. Everything mulling is. saying you're fucking licking your lips and nodding. I know that. And you have to contend

with that. You and Elders are aligned on something. I just don't think, I just don't think I'm like, I'm not responsible for that. I think that's fair. I didn't make it. I didn't set up. I mean, the real scary thing, I mean, I had dinner with Ed and he kind of ran me through it. I was like, oh shit.

Fuck. Yeah, he's having his big short moment with that. But it's like a... Maybe I got to hook up with Ed. Not sex-wise. Just talk to him about. I don't think he would be interested, honestly. Talk to him about. I don't think that's an option even to have sex with him.

I don't want to have sex with him. Yeah. I'm just saying hook up colloquially. I mean, I can text him and ask. No, no, no. I just want to ask him about AI. And I want to short it as well. I've never made a single investment, by the way.

I don't think there's a way to short things right now. It's like the markets are all fucking rigged. Yeah, it does feel that way, right? Nothing makes any. Like, how does Eli get a trillion dollars? Yeah. SpaceX is fucking bullshit. Well, we started talking about.

like energy markets like oil and gas and stuff and it's like for I mean it's up a little bit today but I mean for oil to be sitting in the low to high 80s just in the 80s right now with like 25 to 30 percent of the global oil supply offline and now without any kind of like meaningful deduction and demand is like what's going on what's causing this how is this possible so we're probably going to get pretty our ass is fucked in a major way unless that things are so rigged that they'll keep it rigged until like it's just everything kind of like completely implodes and then we're triple fucked after that yeah basically it's like it's like you know the concern is like oh there's a depression and your money's worth less right if you run out the clock entirely it's like

there's no such thing as money anymore oh okay yeah so we would go straight into a barter system yeah maybe or communism or something i mean it probably makes sense that something like communism would be next after this. Well, I mean, the fucking Cushner, one of the Cushner brothers just bought the Lakers for like twice what anyone has ever paid for an NBA franchise. I think actually the one way we might get like a true uprising where people kill the rich here is if they fuck up sports teams because that's all people really give a fuck about. If like public or private equity starts doing the sports teams what it's done to every other

industry, we might see people get fucking pissed that out. Yeah, they're buying law firms now. They used to not be able to. Damn, that's fucking... No, yeah, P.E. can buy law firms. That's private equity, man. If there's something that starts getting you thinking, let me put on one of those little Chinese collars and fucking... Chinese collar. You know what I mean? The shit fucking Mao was up to. Oh, like Hassan's clothes? Yeah, it is so funny. He's like, I just have normal ideas. And every eighth suit he puts on his fucking

he's doing chairman does he say i have normal ideas you know what he's talking you know he's trying to wear a suit so that like republican grandmas accept him and shit and then is he after that he is for sure he's wearing suits now i've never i've not seen the suit he's wearing suits like a fucking pussy yeah he dresses i he's oh am i how he looks to me is like how bart simpson looks on shirts that a guy like hasan would wear yeah absolutely he's like he's like he's gone from that to wearing suits like classic suits and you know that's a much better look obviously because it doesn't look like a fucking you know overgrowth like a teenager yeah but he dresses like now and everyone loses their mind but when Hillary Clinton does it yeah oh that's true yeah i maybe

i'll start if i start dressing like that i'll just have like that's basically doctor evil yeah but the irony is if there if there is communism it's just going to be like a maga program trump's just going to make himself president forever and he's like we're nationalizing like we're nationalizing all the resources. Yeah, yeah, yeah. His base is going to be like, fuck, yeah. Yeah, but it's not gay. Yeah, right.

This way it's cool and not gay. Yeah. They're going to say it's communist to want private industry. I know. Nothing fucking anything. All right, well, look, with that thought, why don't we just fucking take some calls? We got two geniuses on the fucking couch right now.

Oh, yeah. I'm a guy that had one brief conversation with Ed Zittron. Yeah. I remember. And I'm a guy who hasn't even done that. Why don't we just ask Gemini? Oh, that's, you know what? That'll be fun.

We give our answers and then you, whatever, you put it into Gemini eldest. Yeah, I'll check on, I have Chad GPT. I don't think I even have Gemini. Gemini is just built into Google. Yeah, just Google. Yeah, it's when you search something. I'll just put it in my Gmail. Yeah.

Chat GPT works too. What are we got? It's fine. Any of them. Let's hit the fucking visible. The Stavvy's World Hotline presented by Visiting. The one I've never used is Claude, just because it's like, Like I don't, you know how I am with French.

It's a French. Well, it's a French. Cloud. Yeah, I don't. You'd fall in love with it. No. You're worried about that. Oh, Nicholas, why do you keep asking me these questions?

No. Give me a kiss, Nicholas. Come over here. Come into the computer like John Mnumonic. I want to write. And come and suck my cup. A program for you. My friend.

I program as a beautiful candle lit dinner on Nicola. Claude. And then China's got about. bunch of models now and they're all like free basically so that's the other big problem oh right they're just gonna fucking completely fuck over them trying to monitor yeah so china will make a model and then they'll just have the model talk to chat ch pt and be like tell me everything you know and then chat ptoo's like certainly certainly my chinese friend there goes 600 billion dollars wasted just given to china a really good ass technology um elders play us some fucking calls and by the way folks go see mr mullen over here on

I am actually pumped that you're doing stand-up again. You're always fucking awesome at it. You could have at this point had probably four-spers. Like when we met, you had like 90 minutes of material. You're like, I don't feel like doing it anymore. This was 15 years ago. Yeah, but I don't think you should just do something, you know, just get to happen. All I'm saying is you have so much stand-up that, like, people just will never see.

And I'm glad you're out and doing it again. That's the way things are supposed to be. I actually, I think that does have more- Forever. That's what's like. Like, if you were a funny guy in like 1850, you know, people would be like, you know, they'd be like, you know, he's funny at the most. Like, let's get him out. Let's get him out of the house.

And they'd walk down into the field and they'd be like, everybody come listen to what the guy has to say. And of course, you know, their hands are bleeding. Of course. Of course. And he's like, oh, it's Michael Douglas, but he's gay. And then nobody laughs. And then, you know, the house owners nods to the overseer. And they're punished for nothing.

Right, right, right, right. You know, but that was it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. What a funny guy would be back then. Of course. You know. And you're trying to recreate that.

Sort of, yeah. By only putting, you know, only doing stand up like every like. Yeah, every once. Every seven years or so. Yeah. The cicada tour. The Mullen Cicada tour. Yeah, yeah.

But go see the Moldog live, folks. And watch the special next week. Atlanta was fun. Yeah. No, it's going to be great. Also, your attitude towards stand-up is nice. I think this, this, your whole nihilistic fucking, who cares, ask Claude. That, the attitude towards

stand-up was justified until 2021. Yeah. This business was broken. Sure. For a very long time. And then, you know, whatever. I made the wrong call with COVID. I was like, oh, it's never coming back.

After the one of those, Zoom comedy shows, I'm like, this is a dead... This is an idea of the art form. This is a dead art form, yeah, basically. But, I mean, what a long shot. I mean, it was crazy that it blew up. It would be like a spin art. It'd be like if tie-dying t-shirts.

That's how profitable... stand-up was in 2019. If that would be like if now you could make... You go to the arena and watch the guy. Yeah, what does Shane have like $700 million? I mean, it's insane. He every... He does an arena every night.

And I love Shane. He's great comic. Shane's the... And he would be offended by me saying this, so maybe I shouldn't. But also it's like that anybody, any comedian has that amount of money is like, you'd be like, oh, well, the financing model for AI seems broken. And it's like, you don't say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's basically everything is like, totally. You know, everything is, the inequality has gotten so fucking crazy in every single, in every industry where it's like, the best guy shouldn't make 100,000 times more than the word. Like, we should be a little closer in the middle in almost every industry. It's kind of insane that it even stand up follows. And then there's nothing you can do about it either. That's the other reason to just sort of resigned all this. Like, you know, like, so just last weekend, Luigi Mangione pled guilty to shooting, what's his name, Brian, Brian Thompson or whatever.

And, you know, we all cheered that on. We were like, that's awesome. We'd like to see this. And what does that amount to? It's like now they're just, they've raised everyone's rates so they can spend more on private security for health care CEOs? Yeah, I guess so. Did it, is there a new legislation? Is anything, nothing?

No. Nothing's going to happen. Yeah, right. Nothing at all. I mean, that is the worries that, like... You would have to kill every person in the United States to get some kind of meaningful change. Nearly all of them. I think at 10% you could really get something going. I think it would have to be more than that.

I really do. All right. We would have to get rid of all the cities, basically. You have to start over, new cities. Okay, interesting. Make something nice. We leave... The shittiest ones can stay just because they've had it the worst.

Wilmington, Shreveport. Gotcha. Jacksonville gets to be the new capital. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Even Jacksonville, I don't. Too good. Yeah, too good. All right. All right. Shreveport. Trieport, Wilmington. Have the grace. That's not a city. Yeah. Where's the new seat of power in Maryland? Cumberland. Cumberland. It's out of Frostburg. But even then, Cumberland is, as depressing it as is, the architecture is too nice. In Cumberland, Maryland. Oh, yeah. Cumberland is, when you drive over, what is that? 70 and you see that church and From a distance, come from a distance. From a distance, from an inside, tough stuff.

Yeah, Hagerstown would be happy. Hagerstown would be nice. All right. Or Ocean City. That would be full. That says city in it. It's by the ocean. It feels more ancient.

It feels like everything used to be on the shores. That's where the new port will be. And Ocean City has always been forward looking. It's four children to drink. It is true. Yeah. It is true. That was where, yeah, I remember being like 17, being like,

I'm gonna touch tits. And then you don't have. It doesn't happen. You get way too drunk off three sips of blue liquor. Yeah. You have yourself an incredible Hulk. You fucking, you mix up Al-Zey and Hennessy and Hennessy. Yeah, what is that?

Hypnotic and Hennessy. Yeah, Hypnotic, yeah, yeah. Elders, play some fucking calls. Oh, God. What are you chatting over there? Yeah. This is the most typing you ever done of your life. Dear Claude, I love you.

I'm killing up the question to chat GPT. I was fucking kidding, dumbass. Play the next call. Play a call. You could probably integrate chat GPT with the with the Google voicemails. And then you don't have to do anything. Don't start.

Don't, don't give elders any ideas. You will not be doing that. You will be doing this by hand, scratch, old fashioned. All right, here we go.

What's going on? Stav, Elvy, esteemed guest. I just want to call. This might be one of the dumber ones. So, uh,

uh, apologies. Pretty much, man. Um, I went to college and it's, uh, really fucking.

expensive and the payments are coming up and it's like don't pay them next question my rent for what I'm like used to paying rent for all my friends are in the city building data centers and making money hand over fists and I chose to do a liberal arts degree that's bad it's bad but yeah the world's bad I didn't know if you knew this but Degrees are worthless. I knew that. And, yeah, I don't really want to go tell my soul-making data centers,

but I do want to make a lot of money. Fuck, they really fuck you here, man. Not a lot of money, but, you know, enough. We're so fucked. It's crazy. Anyway, man, yeah. Should I just stay broke and keep trying? Like, I have multiple projects I'm working on, but I can't build data centers,

but I don't know. What's the fuck? Thank you. Joe, they give you no choice. Go build the data centers, obviously, but just, do it in like, do you only take projects that are in like, you know, conservative districts? Easy. That's a good point.

And then also make the money, don't pay back your student loans. Yeah. And also sabotage the centers you're building. Do shoddy work. You know what I mean? Like, don't do as good a job. I, we got this call. We've had similar calls.

And one thing I said to do and I stand by it, you talk about Rogue One, put in a little button that explodes the whole thing. like they did in Rogue One. Like, who was it? The guy, Mads Mikkelson, he was the guy who programmed the Death Star to have a little explode here if shot button. So I say what you do is take the job,

but make it so that if somebody shoots a very small square, the whole data center explodes. The question with data centers, because I really don't know anything about them, though. But like if the whole industry collapses and then you're able to nationalize things with like, you know, not state-controlled, but like, you know, similar, you know, a Chinese, some sort of free kind of open-source model, and you can use those data centers for it,

it's like if that's infrastructure that's to the public benefit down the line when it's not privatized, maybe those are good things. You never know. You're talking about a completely different change. I'm talking about, yeah, right. You're literally talking about overthrowing the AI companies. Sure, yeah. But in the same way that it's like, you know, all the railroads or like all of the,

fiber optic networks or all of these things that were big, like, you know, kind of heavy lifts as far as infrastructure are concerned, you know, like at some point. Yeah, I mean, I don't even know. I guess it's a matter of like you just hear people complaining about them being put in their communities and really fucking, like they're being noise pollution, they're being actual pollution, their water getting fucked. Yeah. I don't even know.

And yes, it seems also insane how quickly these things have sprung up. Yeah. Because. Oh, it's a massive project. Which is fucking like our highways. What's up? What about the rest of our infrastructure? That's the crazy shit.

It's like we can't get one nice fucking train. Yeah, it is. I gotta ride the Amtrak for $300 fucking dollars from here to Baltimore sometimes. Well, that's because it subsidizes the other routes. Still, I'm just saying like, why the fuck can't we get high speed rail or any, or even our highways or the fucking BQE, the concrete is like. It's, in Indiana, like, suspended there. They've had like a gas tax holiday. basically since April, I think, because of the war,

to keep the prices down. And then you see, like, most people are like, oh, well, you know, it's the fucking liberal states. Those are the ones that are paying. It's like you're going to have, you're not going to have fucking roads next year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's massive deficit now.

Yeah. Which, yeah, we're so fucked. So, yeah, I mean, look, if you can avoid it, I would say you probably will feel less guilty over time if you weren't a foot soldier. If you weren't a stormtrooper. But again, they give you no good options in our society. Like, it's fucking insane.

Just take the job to make as much money as you can. And then if you're worried about losing your soul or selling your soul or whatever that means, it's like just don't vote for stuff like that in the future. But if there's money to be made and you got fucking bills to pay and people will take care of. When you are put with your back up against the wall, it's like, yeah, you have to do some fucked up. shit every once in a while. But, you know, I, again, if I was in a position where I needed that shit to feed my family, of course you do it. I was trying to work on a bit about how, you know how the gates above Auschwitz?

So they say, like, work both set you free? Yes. Yeah. I was trying to, like, how there's a misconception that that was directed towards the Jews being brought into the camp, but it was actually for the people that fucking had to work there. Yeah. That's just like, even back then, they still had, like, Jimmy John's style.

Like, we have fun here. we have fun here style bullshit totally totally that it was sort of like a neon up against a fake grass wall yeah hang in there Katie yeah yeah yeah

it was a meme an early meme yeah yeah yeah interesting well let me know how that one goes if people like that one they didn't that's why I said I was trying to work on what else we got eld oh

holy fuck can you believe it can you believe what fucking Time it is. Keep it twisted. Keep it twisted. Oh, this is a particularly twisted question where you consider it's happening around the fall time. To have this kind of twisted issue when the leaves are changing, football's coming back on the perfect time to suck down a twisted tea.

It makes it even more diabolical if you ask me. It's football time. It's fall. It's autumn. The leaves are changing. changing, the twisted tea is as delicious as ever. There's a chill in the air, and there's a chill in my ice cold twisted tea. How about yours?

Yeah. Twisted tea is one of the most delicious beverages that is possible to consume. It pairs perfectly with... No, no, go ahead and blur that out. They're not competing, proud. No free ads, especially not in the middle of the motherfucking ass. ass fucked up question of the fucking week. Keep it twisted.

Bronte by our pals and twisted motherfucking ass T. What's the fucked up twisted question of the week this week, LD? Hi. So I have an issue with my boyfriend. I mean, maybe it's an issue. Maybe it's resolved. But for context, I am 5.5 under 110 pounds. I probably go to the gym three to five times a week.

I work out my glutes. visible abs. I live in Los Angeles, so I'm always out the beach. I heard dating this guy, and he's unable to have sex with me. He can't get it up. And, of course, that made me feel very

adequate and secure, and I didn't know why. You know not getting my dick hard never stop me from fucking. When there's a will, there's a way. Life finds a way. Even if you get your tits sucked by a woman while you suck her tits they're the same size.

Nat, keep the question rolling. He can't get it up. And, of course, that made me feel very inadequate and insecure. And I didn't know why. And he gave me a million excuses. And I found out the porn he was watching, which is feederism porn. He loves CDWs, but his name jam is that. So when I confronted him.

Wait, what? This guy's watching feeder porn. He wants to get his bitch plump as guy. Hell, that's fucking nuts. Keep going. We tried working around it. Impossible. It's like him being straight or gay.

His sexuality is feeding girls. I mean, this is weirder than those two. Those two are kind of the standard options. Until they get fat as fuck. Wow. I've never been over 120 pounds. This is clearly not how you want to live your life. I've gained 15 pounds in that.

made them go like cuckoo crazy nuts. Like we were able to have sex three times that night and that's never happened before. Wait, wait. She said she would gain 15 pounds or she did? She said she gained 15 pounds. But she said they fucked that night as if it's one night where you gain it for anyway, whatever. That's insane.

Like we're able to have sex three times. Cuckoo, I'd gain 15 pounds and that made them go like, too, too crazy nuts. Like we're able to have sex three times that night and that's never had been for. at the mere thought she might get fatter. That's fucking crazy. And that's never happened before. It's been maybe once a weekend and a struggle. Like, obviously, this is what he's into.

Wow. I guess my question is, you know, how do I start eating more? How do I, how do I, you know, come on. That's why they're going to you. You're like, all right, a sex question for the sex genius. How do I stuff my fucking face for years on end? I could coach people. No joke.

No joke. If people needed to gain weight, I could help them. I could be their Sherpa through getting fat as fuck. No question. This is fake. This can't be fucking real. Yeah. Get into that because I feel like it is kind of a win.

I mean, a lot of girls worry about if a guy will still find them attractive after pregnancy. whereas it's the opposite. And the answer is no. And the answer, unequivably no matter what. No man. No matter the context or the situation. That's the baby's pussy now. That's what I told them.

You want me to fuck a baby's pussy? She said, oh, do you still love me? I said, that's the baby's pussy now. That ain't mine. I've relinquished the pussy to the infant now. Put the baby back in there. Putting the baby back in the pussy bowl. You want something in there.

Put the baby back in it. You should have thought of that before letting me nut inside of you nine months ago because it felt slightly better than pulling out. And clearly not worth it amount better. Whereas it's the opposite. He will not find me attractive if I lose weight. So I'm not upset about it. But I don't know how to approach this.

This is fucking crazy. You know, he said he, it was since childhood. And the first thing he saw was a girl eating a ton of pancakes with her belly out on Ice funny. I didn't get that one. I never saw that one. But, you know, I've been looking into the community. and yeah I guess I'm driving into it interesting

how do I gain weight should I should I pursue this I just want to feel affected by the person that I love so thank you she can't even fuck you unless you gain well as somebody that did have visible abs I've been there yeah it's not a fucking 24-7 thing sure so she's lying

she's lying about that she's lying It's like she could look 20 pounds heavier in a fucking afternoon or she just like ate some pretzels and drank a big gallon of water. You're not going to gain any kind of meaningful weight. Smear some chocolate on your face and your hands and push your stomach out. Probably so all. I think, yes, she could probably hydrate. Like you said, there are ways to like balloon up temporarily. Especially if you're fucking lean, you can like get pretty, you know, just, yeah, add too many pretzels and fucking water.

Just water log yourself. I think, in general, though, just because it's like, He's got the one that you have to stay fat to get his dick hard. You don't want your partner forcing you to look anyway one way or the other, even if that happens to be fat as shit. If I was with somebody who had a feeding kink, I mean, I would get so fat, so quick that she would literally kill me. You seem to be a person who likes working out.

Do you want to? I mean, maybe you want to get fat as shit, in which case, yeah, go for it. How do you do it? dessert. Dessert and snacking. Between meals, are you not that hungry? You could eat a bag of Cheetah. I don't even think you have to gain the weight.

There's the evidence there that all she had to do is say, I'm going to gain 15 pounds. Right. Maybe you could do a fat suit. So I think it's bullshit. You think she's a fucking liar? I don't think she's a liar. I think that...

This guy's not really a feeder. He's not really about it? Well, even to the extent that this is a problem is overstayed. I also think this guy is a fake feeder. What do you mean? Your girl goes to the gym three times a week. That's not, you're not really into fat girls. Yeah.

I think this guy's a fucking fraud personally. Yeah. Something smells fishy. Something smells fishy. Why don't we ask Gemini? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead, Eldon. This woman, a liar.

With this information, try to get her home address. Elders, what do you think? Yeah, just ask the, what do you think about the situation, Elders? I could see it. Her voice just sounds a little, like, beaten. down and she is ready to just to just uh you know give in to her man's demands as crazy as they right especially considering that she is so skinny i do think it is like also uh you know just kind of like a different form of like sexism in a relationship where it's like sure you really can't win if

like you're a woman or something and yeah you know your partner will always want something a little different right even hearing it i'm like damn one 10 i wouldn't mind a little more me on that ass. You don't know her at all. You don't know what she looks like at all. I know, but you know, 110. No matter the height,

like, it's like, yeah, maybe he does want to fuck someone a little fatter now. Yeah, maybe he's lying about being a feeder and he just wants her

to have fatter tits or something. Yeah. That's possible because 110, you're not even in close to feeder range. Yeah. That's skinny as fucked. Yeah. You need a lot of like a lot of work to.

And yes, I think if given the chance between skinny and voluptuptu, us, certainly, you know, especially if you're from good immigrant stock, I think I would prefer somebody with a little something going on, meat, meat on the bones, guys. Now, I don't think, I don't know if you... So your guy's advice is for her to gain weight. We should just be fatter for you, not this guy. Yeah, that's my, that's my advice. So, be fatter to, to attract more men in general. Be fatter because me and eldest would like it if you had a little more meat on your

You should be fatter for... For guys in general, you should gain weight. Not just your boyfriend, because that's abusive. But if you want a broader male perspective, you need to gain some weight. Yeah, instead of the specific male gaze that you're unheard. Make sure you don't have a baby. Yeah. Yeah, that's kind of what I mean uniron.

It's like women are fucked because that is kind of the gist of the point I'm making. Yeah, and so I guess honestly, don't do. only have your body look the way you want it to, and you'll attract the guy you want. But if that doesn't work, do whatever the fuck your boyfriend says. Exactly. And no matter what, you can always get a job at a data center. That is true. And no matter what, you want to know, you can crack open a twisted tea, whether you want to get fat as shit or you want to maintain weight. These are delicious. They go down smooth as hell. And yeah, no, no 5% per volume,

the perfect amount. No carbure. So if you want to guzzle a lot of them for caloric purposes, you could theoretically. They're delicious. And either way, when you're sitting down and eating four hot dogs and two hamburgers, you know it'll help that go down smooth as fuck? Seven twisted tea. An ice cold twisted tea. The amount you should have legally.

Does that a legal limit to how many twisted tea? I don't think there is. You shouldn't overdo it. Drink responsibly, as always. Keep it twisted. Keep it fucking twisted as a motherfucker. You got that copy down, Pat. Keep it twisted.

Oh, and we're back to the fucking regular episode. We're out of the fucked-up-ass motherfucking twisted T-zone. Sweet. And now we're back to the knowledge zone. Knowledge-known. The general knowledge zone. We're talking data centers and donut centers. Now, if every data center built the donut center next door,

now I'm listening. Yeah. You know what I mean? A little horse trading, a little something for. for you a little something for me. Yeah. Let's, let's really get,

uh, the next level of donut centers. I have not had a good donut a old, very long time. They're fucking awesome. I'm trying to remember where I, where I had a nice one. We shot something where I was eating a donut and even a standard store bought donuts

pretty fucking good. Yeah. L. A. has, they have all the fucking awesome. They have donut shop. Austin used to have a place that was,

because there's like the, yeah, those donut places, but then they're like way too over the top. They got a little too over the top. Yeah. Voodoo and shit like that. I don't, I mean, too over the top.

You know, like just, yeah, like, crispy cream fresh is like a better version of that. Yes, something a little more meaty too. Yeah. Because I feel like sometimes crispy cream too airy. I could take those down like it ain't shit. Yeah, yeah. I want a little something, a little more, some of the fights back. Yeah.

You know what I mean? A little something. Basically, I want a donut and I want to feel like I'm eating a donut from like the 1930s. Yes. There should be steam. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Coming out of the street. Absolutely.

I wanted to be the kind of thing like a, like an Italian immigrant might have before a 14, Back when food was real. Yes, exactly. And it could take you... If we're losing our brains, we should get real food back. I agree. I fully agree. Play us another call.

I think about that all the time because it's 2026. It's about to be 2027. We're only five months away. We're very close. Yeah. Less than. And like how sick it's going to be that I get to be like a 30s guy. It's the 30s.

Like lard fat fries? What are you talking about 30s? It's going to be 2030. Oh, you mean it's literally the 30s? years, it's the 30s. Isn't, wasn't that the Great Depression? Yes, 1929. Are we in the, is this the roaring 20s?

It's a, it's as loud as it's going to get. Fuck, dude. Yeah. I haven't gotten any pussy from flappers yet. Have you? I don't think so. Isn't that the whole point of the 20s? They were fucking, it was the great Gatsby.

I had a cab driver one time. He was like one of the last like, like, well, I say, I mean, you know, just a white guy that drove a cab. Yes, classic. And he was like an old. older Jewish guy. And I like started talking to him and he was like, um, he was like, no, I started doing this when I retired. I'm like, how long you be driving the cab? He's like, ah, 30s, 38 years. You know, I'm like, so how fuck older? And he's driving the cab, you know, and then he told me

he used to be a photographer at one point. And then he started telling a story. He's like, and then he got really into the story. And he's like, yeah, you know, I was living in L.A. at the time. This is, you know, I was in my early 20s or something. And I was, I was at the building, and he's like trying to tell me where the building is. He's like, I lived there. And I lived there eight months, and there was a girl across the hallway, this beautiful girl, maybe 18 years old. And I'd see her and stuff, and me'd say hi, and she knew my name, Elliot. Oh, hi, Elliot, or whatever.

And I always wanted to make it with it. Make it is such an awesome way to say fuck. Yeah, right. And then he's like, tell him the baller. Yeah, and he's like, tell me a story. And I'm like, okay, where does this go? Like, I'm assuming it's like, and that was McJagger's sister. Right, right, right.

And he's like, and then I went and then I was leaving. I was coming back to New York. I was leaving L.A. And I said, you know, I just went by and I was like, oh, hey, by the way, I'm moving next week. She goes, oh, where you going? I said, oh, back to New York. And then that night, you know, she calls, she gets on the fire escape. She calls out.

She goes, Elliot, I can't get my door up and come over. And I tried to bang on the door. I couldn't get the door. I go out on the fire escape. went across the side of the building. I went in an apartment and then I helped get the door open from the inside.

And then that night it's, you know, I finally got my chance and I was taking a clothes off and just every inch of a body I was just kind of going crazy. And it's like, and then the story ends.

And this is a story about how he fucked a girl. Yeah, I was like, this is a story about you getting pussy a million years ago. The one hot girl he fucked in his life. He's got a nice story. I got to the end.

I'm like, you got to be like, like it was like I saw a magic trip. Totally. Where I was like, oh, okay. Yeah, what are he supposed to be like? Awesome. Yeah, right. Pussy from 1958?

I had a very similar story. I actually recorded the guy for my own records. I'll never like, because it was too fucking crazy. It was just like a fat little like Armenian guy. Exactly the same shit, but crazier, dude. Yeah. He was telling me. stories about how he was in a thruple with two like prostitutes.

And he would just like go over when they weren't working. They like were, he would fuck both of them. And he was just like, like truly like I know I'm saying this. He was even fatter and shorter and like he was like every bad thing people make fun of me about. Yeah. Turned all the way up like shorter like old or whatever and truly just would not. And every story was like, ah, it was such a.

And it's the vibe of every story was. what a burden it was to get pussy for him. And I literally, dude, it was, it was in Astoria. I was, we were about to do a podcast. I invited him up. I was like, I do a radio show out here. Please come inside. Oh, that's a shame.

You didn't get him. I was trying to get him, dude, and he wouldn't do it. He wouldn't do it. I think he realized like, wait. Because that's how we found Gene. That's right. You know, fuck. Gene was just saying wild shit.

And we were like, okay, well, people need to hear this. Gene really is the man. I got everything they want. I'm from New York and I'm healthy. The three things, yeah, yeah. The three things. Italian guys. From New York.

And I'm Elvis. The three universal people love. And look that up. That's maybe one of the things I'm most proud of is the episode we had with BAM titled Come Down featuring Gene. What was his best name? Gene to Napoli. Did I ever tell you, he called me up, he called me up like three years ago or something.

I mean, I took his call because, you know, when the Napoli called. Right, exactly. You know, yeah, you don't. that's an offer you can't refuse. Take that phone call. And he goes, Mullen, how you doing? I'm like, I'm okay.

What's up, Gene? And he's like, listen, right off the bat. Listen, I got a gig. I'm booking. I want to put you in the Copa Cabano with Peter Lemigello Jr.

Awesome. I'll be there, Gene. I'll be there, man. I'll be at the Copa. I'll be at the Copa Cabana with Peter Lemongelo, just send me the details and whenever you need me.

Of course. And it never materialized, unfortunately. And then the next time I talked to him, it was like, yeah, I guess I don't know it's like a Spanish club or something now. I remember he was telling us about having Black Knight. That was awesome. Yeah, we got Black Knight.

What else? Elders, let's answer at least one more question here. Let's see what we got. Hey, Stavi, first time, a long time. I'm a Patreon member. Actually, I listen to you all the time when I'm walking my dog. So thank you. And I saw you in Nashville and you're awesome.

I just love you so much. So I'm calling because I need some help dealing with my mom. So my parents are like very conservative Christians. My dad's kind of a lost cause. But me and my two sisters, we've like grown out of it. we're not really religious anymore. We're very, like, well-rounded people, I feel like. But my mom, and my mom, like, will listen to our arguments when she posts, like,

crazy stuff on Facebook about whatever. But recently, she's just gotten really, really bad about posting Islamophobic hate on Facebook about how, like, Muslims are taking over America, and, like, they've already taken up Britain in Europe. Can't stop us. You've converted? No, I'm like mercenaries. Yeah, yeah, you're one of the Janus areas.

Yeah, yeah. You're one of the Ottomans Christian soldiers. But that's our future. And it's clearly just, it's either like Fox News articles or these random, like, women on YouTube. Can you pause it? Your mom is right. It's just that, like, that's good. You know what I mean?

Like, I don't know what to say this lady. You'd be like, like, you should, your mom is correct. That's going to happen. Yeah, yeah. There's nothing she can do about it. Totally. We're going to kill her. And, like, yeah, it's upsetting to see your mom scared.

Of course. So you just got to take the TV remote away from her. Right. That's it. This is when, like, I do think AI is a means of, like, engendering boomer, docility, that could work. Because they love, like, I don't even mind when old people love AI, because it's like they keep, they, they, this is a new technology to them. Their whole life has been things unimaginable every like 20 years of technology that hitherto was unimaginable.

Well, that's going to happen for us also. Yeah, yeah, for sure. And that's like, kind of the other thing to worry about with AI. It's like, because, you know, yeah, there's bad stuff. But then it's like, well, I'm also the age where you start going like, ah, that, that, that's, that, that's, you know, that's, things bullshit. Right, right, right. And it's like, oh, shit, I didn't learn how to use email. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking unemployment.

Right, right, right, right. You know. Typing, what am I a chick? Yeah, right. You want me to learn typing? Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I know fucking robots taking my job.

Yeah. Oh, shit. I'd love to see a robot do lazy podcast. Oh, it's really good at that. Now I got to drive, now I got to drive a cab for 40 years. Thank God I got pussy that one time. Thank God I climbed down the fire. I'd like to see a robot rape a woman.

They're breaking into her apartment. I'd like to. And then convincing itself, it was consensual. A hot consensual story. I tell 40 years. And not a 60-7-year-old. Guatemalan lady who I completely raped. I don't tell that story.

That's not. That one I didn't even bring up to myself. That's what you call an AI hallucination. All right. So keep going, Elders. YouTube that, you know, are Zionists. And I don't know. I want to talk to her about it because she's really spreading so much hate.

And she was posting a lot about Mom Donnie and my other sister talked to her and kind of reasoned with her. But I don't really know how to approach it. And I know she will listen to reason at some point. I feel like she's just becoming. will she? Brainwashed. So I don't know. Just any points you have, because I feel like I would get just emotional talking to her

about how she's really just spreading hate and this is a free country and like you can build mosques. And like we are having a bunch of Muslim immigrants. And I can also build ballistic missiles and tunnels. And I don't understand why the administration is not doing that. I know who's your friend, nice guy, but get with the fucking program. I'm like not people these people are not jihadists and they're not trying to take over our government like yes we are and yes we are anyway anything you have to say or any points because they help me make i mean really appreciate it this is tough because literally feel like i need an outline talking to her

about people love being Islamophobic dude it's like the one type of racism that it's like so allowed again for some reason and like the fact that people with mom donnie was running, we're being like, oh, really, after 9-11 happened, we're going to let a Muslim be mayor. And we're saying it like it was a excellent point. We're saying it like it was a pure gotcha, like, oh, okay, the guy who did 9-11 is going to get to be mayor now. And it wasn't like, it was one-to-one. Yeah. That just goes to show you how stupid the people that believe this shit are. And it's like, are you going to really win a, because I've had arguments with Greek immigrants who have, who were born in a different country when they didn't come here till

they were like in their 20s, they will be like, we got to get these fucking Muslims out. And it's like, you were the same. You were fucking foreign. You weren't fucking born here. Also the ones that they're afraid of have the same values as them. A hundred percent. Like the fake, like, oh, they want Sharia law. It's like, you probably want Sharia law.

You do, yeah, right. They agree with you when it comes to gay people. Like, you should be, these are your actual allies here. But, you know, they don't see it. I mean, look, what do you do when your fucking parent is racist? I don't know. I'm lucky as fucking that my mom is not and my dad doesn't really seem to give a fuck one word. My dad will just be like the last person he talked to.

You can convince him to just do whatever. And if it's me, he'll be like, hmm, good point. Like if you said some like homophobic shit, I'll just be like, do you really think that and be like, I don't know. You know what I mean? The thing with your parents is that you get older, they're always going to see you as a child. And there's nothing like you, there's no point in fighting that. Right, right. You know, it's, but they're also, now they're decrepit and their brain doesn't work.

So you have to like patronize them. Yeah, yeah, true. Everyone goes through that process. And it's like, it's just not, it's not even worth it. What is your mom moving the needle one way or the other? I fucking doubt it, you know. It's more about like your own comfort and your ability to, like, relate to your parents, I guess. Sure.

But just find something. something else. Yeah, I kind of agree. To have another thing. Get her into pickleball or something. I mean, yeah, I mean, I think you can be like... Her needle point. Find a, find a hobby or something to talk to her about.

Honestly, you're, you breaking down what Sharia law actually is to the point where she's like, hmm, we should, yes. I would say that's... Gays in prison. That's not even, that's not even worth it. I mean, it's like, if your mom is sitting there all day long, looking at, like, YouTube videos of like Islamophobic content.

She's probably like scared and upset like her. And that's like a it's that's the algorithm giving her some kind of security blanket. It's like you can't like you can't be like oh your your pacifier is wrong. Yeah, yeah. Well that's right. I'm going to take away the

binkie. Ten more minutes of your iPad. Yeah, just don't even do that. Yeah. You got to create an alternative that's completely out of the realm of like the politics. That is true because I think so much of this is there is no community, there are no hobbies. And this is the type of shit an old lady would use to do, like put bingo. Yeah.

She would care about bingo this one. It's also you and your mom are powerless. Like they can't, you can't, you're not, neither of you are gonna fucking, you can't change anything. Yeah. So like, don't let these things, I mean, your mom's already done it where she may have let this thing kind of, you know, damage your relationship, but, you know, it's like, you know, find something else. I do think that's, yeah, trying to relate in the non.

That's kind of a good point. Making your point as well as you can be like, hey, these people want, remember Nona? I mean, all these people that are racist have an immigrant in their family. You know what I mean? But it's like they just want what they had. You can give it a shot, like Nick says, it probably won't work. And then, yes, come up with a different hobby to share with your mother.

And every time she says some racist shit, be like, stop doing that shit. I don't want to fucking hear it and try and redirect to shit that you like. You know, is that easier said than done? Probably. Because with moms, like with dads, at least you could watch a World War II document.

Just tell your mom if you bring that shit up again, I'm going to start taking hormones. Every time I hear you have to tell me about one of these Ben Shapiro videos. Right. I'm growing a mustache. I'm getting a mustache. I'm getting a job at a daycare center

and chopping off. little boy's cock. Every time you bring up one of these fucking videos, I take a centimeter off a little boy's penis and ask him what color lipstick he wants. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, problem solved. Problem solved. Problem solved. Beautiful. What else, El do you got anything good for us here, buddy boy? Do you want to do a last one to go out or do you just want to do another question? Give us one more and then we'll end on a fun one. Your fun ones have been lacking substance recently. So I don't really trust you. I think this one's a rich vein, but that's fine.

Yeah, yeah. We'll see about that in about seven minutes. Hey, Bobby. Hello. Seam guest. So you guys might laugh at me for this one. I don't call me a pussy, but I'm just going to ask it. Anyway, I have upstairs neighbors that are really fucking loud. And when I

say they're loud, I mean that they... Every question should be shit like this. Yeah. This is perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, what are this other bullshit? What should I do about AI? What the fuck?

Or Islamophobes? These are like these big societal questions. Yeah, you're right. Upstairs neighbor. Upstairs neighbor, how do we fuck with them? It's perfect. Yeah. Yeah.

I have upstairs neighbors that are really fucking loud. And when I say they're loud, I mean that they stomp with the entire weight of a thousand sons with every step that they take and they pace their entire apartment for like hours on that's crazy and they rile their dogs up at six a m every morning oh my my my roommate and i have confronted them three times and the last time they yelled at me and told me that it's more now i was hearing swirls in the walls which doesn't even make any sense.

So I'm trying to get revenge. I considered because it's a married couple with no kids, I considered spending them a letter that says cheater. That might be genius. That's kind of fucking awesome.

Inventing an affair. That might be too far though. Maybe sending bedbugs. That also might be too far. That's crazy.

And then also get to your... You know, I bang on the ceiling. They don't seem to hear it or really give a fuck. Am I just kind of cooked here? So they make... I really love your advice. They make a thing that's like a poll. They can go like specifically for that to get revenge on...

Really? Upstairs neighbors. But you would get one of those and set it to a frequency that only the dogs could hear. Oh, wow. So the dogs are just going fucking nuts 24-7. Wow. That's good. Yeah. Well, they have, like, random noise makers that, like, on no rhythm whatsoever,

emit different noises to... Yeah, you would want something that makes the dogs think that there's ghosts in there to psychologically abuse their pets. Right. Right, right, right, right. Which, you know, I wouldn't have said, but, you know, you're already talking about bedbugs and destroying people's relationships. You know, I mean, that's...

Yeah. That's a little far. That's true. Which one is better? The fake cheater or the slight abuse of their dog? If you have enough money, just rent the apartment above their... I don't think they do. Leave the bathtub.

Yeah, this is interesting. I mean, could you mail stuff to them? I had a very loud upstairs neighbor, but I thought it was funny. She was like a very loud black lady. She's just getting in arguments and stuff. All the time. Yeah. And then she, like, she didn't have a job.

And then, like, I remember one of the funniest things was it was like Wednesday at like one o'clock in the afternoon. Like thoroughly midday, midweek. And there was like con ed guys working outside with a jackhammer. Yeah. And then I heard her open the window and she's like, y'all keep it down. There's a goddamn baby in here. And there's no,

there's no baby. It's like, it's one PM. Like when are they supposed to do this? Yeah, yeah. But then she would always, she would be always, she would have these guys over and then,

and I swear to God, this is fucking true. She'd have these guys over and then she would like, fuck them, but then berate them. Like, and you would never hear the guy talking. She'd be like,

you a pussy. I'm getting pussy vibes from you. You're acting like a fucking female. You are fucking pussy female to me. Like just dressing them down. And then I would go out in the hall. I would go out in the hallway and see the guys. I swear to fucking God every time like five foot even,

cross-eyed like mentally and mentally disabled people. What the hell braids and like Mark Echo, you know, like those kind of guys. And like that, like, oh my. You know, and like not. knowing where to go or where to stand or then getting locked out and I'd have to let them back in. Incredible. Yeah.

So she would fuck the mentally enfeebled and make fun of that. And then, yeah, and then lamb base to them. And that was part of her thing probably. Right, yeah. That's pretty fucking off. So she was, I mean, anytime she was being loud, I was like, ooh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on this time?

What do we got? I mean, yes, I think I would probably, I like the idea of fucking their dogs. I like the idea of. Don't fuck with the dogs, by the way. That's cruel. Well, I mean, some kind of noise maker That they do make a thing that just makes noise Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, some kind of noise maker

Some kind of like A letter that says cheater is Is maybe unnecessary, but like It would be funny if you sent flowers With no explanation Just like things that are just a little annoying Or even just like, you know, Letters or even like, or even like, yeah,

wrong deliveries to make it seem like somebody has their address. I'm trying to think like what... But the thing with revenge is it's only worth it if they know you're doing it. You don't want to just call... Not necessarily. Sometimes it's enough to know they're being inconvenienced in the way you were inconvenienced. Yeah, but that's not going to work on people. You know what I mean?

Because your thinking is like, oh, well, if I inconvenience them, they're going to reflect on the way that they've... I don't think it's... I'm not trying to teach anybody a lesson when I'm getting revenge. I'm trying to settle a score. Oh, okay. So to me, I don't care

if they fucking become a better person at the end. I want to get this... Just the... Just the satisfaction of... Okay. Get the scales back to zero. I would say maybe some sort of, like, stinky, like a weird smell.

Weird smell. You got into cooking weird stuff. Oh, yes. Your smells rise. That's a great idea. Yeah. Start fucking fermenting shit. Yeah.

And eat healthier. your, you know, kimchi is good for your gut health. Yeah. You know what I mean? You could start finding a thing they don't like and cooking it more. I like that. Because you have smells, they have sound. Yeah.

You know? Is there a vent? Could you fart into their vents? Could you, could you do anything gross, you know? I don't know. But yes, don't go better. You could just drill a hole through the ceiling and then put a hose up there and attach it to the end of your car. That's incredible.

Yes, absolutely. Leave the car running. Yes, yes. Leave the car running. I believe what you're saying is poisoning and killing them. You could put a little bit of a fucked up gas up there.

Or you could climb out on the fire escape and rape them. Yeah, that's a great idea. You could turn into a great story. You could turn into a story you built 40 years later. I don't know. Have you ever had a noisy upstairs?

I feel like we were the noisy upstairs neighbors. I was going to say, I always think of back to Astoria when the people on the second floor were like bitching about us. You know, we probably, we are fat as shit. We probably weren't noisy. At the same time, I'm like, I'm taking normal steps at like 8 p.m.

The shit they would complain about was pretty out of fucking pocket. Maybe the callers being like a dumb. Maybe you're a dumb bitch. I was staying in a hotel one time, like a real shitty, like, you know, motel. Just, you know, whatever, it's a piece of shit. And in the room next to me, and again, I swear to God, I know this sounds like a joke. I wish I could have seen them. I didn't see them.

but it was like two people and I couldn't hear what they were saying it was muffled through the wall but one of them had like the most baritone voice it was like and then the other one was like a wizard of Oz chipmunk

like it was crazy. It was crazy yeah yeah and did you hear them fucking or they could it sounded like they were just

yeah they had more like a kind of Abbott and Costello relationship between the two of them That's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, start talking weird voices, you know, that kind of thing. Incantations, pretend you're a witch.

Do some shit to freak them out. Yeah, it's just shit like that. Just figure out, look, everybody needs to sleep at some point. You figure out when they go to sleep, and that's when you make noise. Yeah, exactly right. Now give us something fun to go out on Mr. Sula. Stavi, baby, immaculate guest, eldest, the glorious producer. Can I ask one question?

I just got back from vacation. I binge watched all of the John Wick movies. Fuck yes. Over vacation. It was fucking awesome. But I remember you saying that action movies have a lack of tits in them. And I was really disappointed after the first one that there were no... You just said that in this episode, too.

Yeah. Yeah, a rare good producing on Elvis' chart. There were no tits. There were no, like, you know. That's a big problem. There's nothing. So my question to get to the point is, where would you put either a nude woman or a sex scene in the John Wicks film? Come on, that's easy.

Thank you, baby. Love you. Bye. First of all, it's a tattoo on John Wicks cheek. Mm-hmm. Yeah, for starters. Yeah. The dog should have tits.

The dog should have tits. John Liguizamo should work in a titty factory instead of an auto body shop. It should be his character from Tu Wong Fu, but fully have undergone a transnational. His name should be the booby gay guy. A booby gay guy. And something, whatever. The baba gay guy. I think we believe in that.

Instead of Russians, should be a big old pair of tits. Yep. Well, look, easily strip club every time. Yeah. Like, one of these clubs should be a strip club. In the, one of the rooms at the continental should be the fucking, it should, there should be. There should be a fight in the strip club. club and there's a lady with big labia

and he's used to the wrap around. He's tying guys up and slapping them around. Pussy flaps. She's screaming. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's so many. First of all, he wraps the guy's head. He stretches the guy's head. He snaps the guy's neck with a long ass pussy lip.

Let's say no more. John Wick 5. Put a pin on it. This is copyright. Trademark. We're going to do this plus heavy weights too. It's called the heavy weights John Wick. Yes. Heavy wick. Heavy wick.

Yes. And a fat camp at a strip club. But the fat camp is for women's tits. Yeah. For big fat. It's got way too fucking fat. And they have to make them lose weight. They have to get sucked at camp.

But John Wink kills everybody's idea that was. Yeah. You can keep the tits fat. Yeah, I'd like to see AI come up with... Yeah. Could AI come up with that? The movie. No.

No. Yeah. It's about John Wig's stopping a fat camp. Uh-huh. that's targeted at women's tits and trying to get them skinnier. Yep, we would do that. But yeah, there's a play. You could put tits in literally choose any John Wick scene.

You could easily slide tits in there. I wouldn't mind seeing an extended lovemaking scene between John and his deceased wife or girlfriend. Oh, that's what you want romance. That would be beautiful evidence of how passionate their love really was. I don't want to see a hardcore sex scene between John Wick and his dead wife. I want him to, for example, Hallie Barry's kid. character, we could see her tits. That would be cool, too.

You know, I just mean like James Bond gets... Which Sean Wick is she in? She's in three with the worst one. To me... Is three the one where they're, like, walking and kind of... No, that's two. That's two. I think two's the best one.

And four is four the girl? No. No, that's three. The new one. Bower is good. Well, to me, it goes two... For is me a little long, but it's good. I think two, one, four, three is my order, actually.

I think. I'd have to really, I'd have to really, you know, consider is because two is a better movie than one but one just has so much sentimental value for how awesome it was to discover it yeah um anyway you can put tits in any of them thanks for listening everyone go see nick on tour uh come see please watch next week september 8th uh uncle stov on net press press that netflix button press that netflix button. The mold dog will be at various cities coming to you.

Various cities in different locations at different times. We'll have, we'll throw a fucking link up to that shit. Don't even worry about the link. Just ask fucking Gemini. Ask Gemini, when will Nick Mullen be near me? And then get a completely useless answer.

And then get a link to a show we did six years ago probably if you do that. Or go to his website, nickmullen. dot pussy.gay. Check out all the dates. And yes, we will talk to you guys next week. Buddy, thanks for doing the show. Thanks for having me. Bye, guys.

What are we doing now? Lunch.