Stavvy's World - #197 - Joe List and Dan Soder

Episode Date: September 7, 2026

Dear friends of the show Joe List and Dan Soder return to the pod to discuss Jed York’s bust, Joe’s fun voices, Trump on podcasts, meathead burger diets, playing with boogies, your friends’ hot moms, a visionary new game show idea, and much more. Joe, Dan and Stav help callers including a woman who wants to withhold season NFL tickets from her husband after she caught him flexing them to women on a dating app, and a 27-year-old guy who wants tips on cutting off the 42-year-old woman he’s hooking up with because she’s catching feelings.Watch Stav’s new special Uncle Stav on Netflix on Sept. 8th: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929See Joe List live and follow him on social media:https://punchup.live/joe-list/tourhttps://www.comedianjoelist.com/https://www.youtube.com/@JoeListComedy  https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy/https://www.facebook.com/comedianjoelist/See Dan Soder live and follow him on social media:https://www.dansoder.com/https://www.instagram.com/dansoder https://www.youtube.com/@DanSoder https://x.com/DanSoder https://www.tiktok.com/@dansodercomedyThanks to our sponsors!!Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW!Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!!Chubbies - Get 20% off with code STAVVY at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stavvy☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!🎤 Watch Stav's new special Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld🎟️ See Stavvy live!! 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Opa! Welcome, everybody to Stavvi's World 904-800-Stav. Paul the Stavi hotline, sponsored by Visible. We'll solve all your problems. Big show, two of my best pals in the world, on the couch. Dan Soder, Joe List. Thank you for being here, boys. Thank you. And this episode, of course, is brought you by...

And... And... Both of those things out and... Get those... And blur the cups. Get those... Seattle. queer's out of your house.

That is true. That was the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl last year was Seattle was Boston. It was the Dunkin Starbucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Speaking of, no, we shouldn't start with sex scandals for NFL owners. Yes, we can. We can, but let me just say,

Uncle Stav on Netflix, tomorrow, folks, the big special, the culmination of the last three years of my life. The Lord tried to kill me many times before this came out. Was it the Lord or was it the devil? Maybe it was, you're so right. I need to dedicate my life to Jesus Christ.

You want a black following? The devil was trying to keep you down. Gee! Not that. Not that. I was going more with the love. I was going more with the love of God. Right, right.

I'm a voice guy. You're rebranding is. Do you have another one? No, no, we're done with that one. Do you have another voice? You know what? Oh, no, no. No, no.

That's not that one. What was it? Mine is Nelson Mandela. That's good. That's okay? He's doing a real guy. Nelson Mandela. Who is it?

Kurosawa. No, that is not. I don't know. I don't believe that is what Akira Kurosawa sounds like. When I was locked away, I would think Joe List is a pussy. I don't think that sounds like Mandela, but it's pretty good. My first one was Sam Jackson. Shee, motherfucker.

That's really better to do it to say that. Thank you. It actually clicks in, you're like, wait. That's got to get it like that. Is that Jackie Brown? That's Jackie Brown's here. Oh, you're doing, yeah, like he knows, like he has, there's difference. Yeah.

Sure. And we don't have to hear him, Joe. It's hard about it. We should, then let's talk about it. Wasn't the 49ers owner recently. No longer, Joe is you're the only sex, sex scumbag owner. Well, stop. Egg.

Excellent. He's tricked off my guy. Yeah. My guy's good. Also. No, he's not. Bob Kraft. Bob Kraft was in the.

was getting jerked at a very low-end massage parlor. Can I say something? Joe? You have changed. I'll just say that. Joe? Could I take this? Please.

Number one, you have changed. You being anti-sex worker. No, no, no. What I'm saying is if you're a bit... Eldis? Thank you, Eldis. Do not turn on... You are such a piece of shit.

You're turning on me just because Dan and Joe are funnier than me and are dead. You respect them more, you fucking piece of shit. Fuck you. Don't forget who pays you. fucking bills. Stavros, you're a Ravens fan, correct? That's true. Would it hurt your feelings if your owner got caught with a hooker? Or would you look at it like this? What happened when Robert Kraft got caught with a hooker that season? And my dad says your quarterback's a thug,

but I don't hear any. Your dad, your cousin, your mom, everyone you went to school with. I got some cousins that say it's a thinking man's position. What happened the year Robert Kraft got caught? Oh, did they won that year? Ring, Interesting. Oh, okay. So you think you think that's okay. Ringloading. Now here's my point. Those guys could, I'm pro sex worker. They should be hiring the most high end one. Oh, really? When you go get eggs, do you go to the expensive restaurant? I don't have a billion dollars. The restaurant with the eggs restaurant. No, but you go to a diner. You go to a greasy spoon diner where you get a good right off the grill. I'm sorry. You give your money to someone that needs it. That 160 bucks is going to go so far in that park. Those guys cut a $40,000 check to those women, which means nothing to them, I take it all back. I take it all back. Oh, my God. Even 10.

Can I tell you the part that? But I'm guessing they paid market price. Well, they revealed the texts. And this, by the way, to fill everybody in, the 49ers owner was called it. Was it caught in a trailer park? He got pulled over in a trailer park. But he's Jed? Jed York.

Perfect. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's shout out. It's the DeBardoa family. was he from Youngstown. And then when Eddie de Bartolo got in trouble for gambling, he rebranded to York? Well, he sold it to his sister,

who was married to Jed York's dad. Oh, I thought Italians kind of Ellis Islanded themselves to get away from their sex crimes. They really do. The basalio or whatever. But that's what they did. That's why it's York. That's so funny.

But that pasta sauce is still in there. You could take the Italian last name from the boy. You can't take the Italian from the meat. You can't take the tomatoes at the sauce. I want to have on a na-na-na-na-na-sauce like a nice gumma. But he... That's acceptable? Yeah, absolutely.

Cut his mic. No Irish, no cats, no dogs. But there's... Boston Joe. There's texts. Italians were slaves, too. No, but the Irish were. Okay.

They found the texts and the lady was like, it's $160 for sex with a condom. It's $180 for sex without a condom, which, what a value. 1885? Yeah. These are good prices. These are amazing price. Dollar difference is way too low.

Have some love for yourself. Truly. That's less than I was, my buddy was paying in 2003. I was saying that price to catch both of your reactions to the hooker market. You guys going, Oh, it's actually... 20 bucks. I'll tell you, I'll tell you what's inflation proof.

Yeah, yeah. Hookers. That just sucks. You know, I feel bad for them. Because their eggs, they don't stay the same price. You know what I mean? They still got to buy them, but... I thought hookers are like two grand now.

I would have assumed that as well. And these guys should have been... And I thought these guys should be paying... If you're a billionaire, give a beloved hooker 10 grand. Okay, but maybe he didn't have the opportunity. to have that pretty woman moment. I see. Because these pigs come and bust them.

You mean the cops stopped? He was about to change her life. He was driving and he was looking for, he was on Zillow looking for apartments to buy us. Yeah, I watched that, the footage of him being pulled over by the cops and I listened to Roy Orbison's Pretty Woman while I watch it.

And it's way more of a wrong. Oh, he did. Pretty woman. Oh, man, that's what, so it was a sting? Yeah, he got caught in a sting. And he- But wait, did he fuck her or no? No.

He just got caught setting it up. Wow. Dude, getting arrested with a hard dick that's, I mean, look, I don't, I have no Shout out tires. Oh, true. Yeah, you get fucking caught in the van. He's doing it. He's doing Dave.

Yeah, he's getting Dave. Jed York got Dave. He got arrested with a hard dick in a band. In basketball sorts. They fucking got my boy, dude, free Jed. That's fucking insane, dude. Like, why would, if you're that rich, you could just like, you know, fly out. A lot of them just go to islands and traffic the youth.

That's a good point. Jed's out here in trailer parks. You know what he's doing? Isn't it sad that that's like a, you're making a valid point? Hey, my billionaire, only sex traffics of age women. That's your point. I'm sorry, he's the Springsteen of billionaire. So what's the, does he have to give up the team now?

No. No. They just got a rest of what? Someone, someone, all these 49-nard fans keep retweeting this video of Jed York from like 2015 or whatever when people were really mad at them because they're not. miners were losing and he goes, I'm the, I'm the owner. Can't get rid of the owner. So they keep playing that now and they're like,

yeah, go, Joe, Joe, Joe, didn't what's his toes lose the team? The Clippers guy? Yeah, but he was, uh... His shit was different. His was like... He was just, he was caught on like Mike being insanely racist about his own players. Right.

Yeah, he was calling, he was like saying how he checks their teeth and shit, like their horses. It was kind of fucking... I mean, Blake Griban's got the story about like, when he was a rookie, the owner would like throw these parties. Yeah. And he, like, would parade young Blake around, like,

check out my new one. You know what I mean? Like, it's fucking insane. That's how bad you need your bills paid sometimes is you just, like, go along with it. I mean, that's supposed to show you how evil controls everything. Even, like, the guy finishes third in MVP voting, and he still has to just have a weird kind of gay, like. Touch him. Yeah.

Strong. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's fucking crazy. Feel the power. Yeah. The power of the choice.

That's basically what he was. It's crazy. I mean, the deposition is still one of the funniest things of the time. The funniest thing from that is her interview where she goes, I was his right hand arm, his right thing, his silly rabbit. And Barbara Walters goes, does he call you that?

His silly rabbit? She goes, no. She was just freestyle. She was in the zone, dude. She was like, you know what? This is fun. I could give interviews. She goes, yeah.

And she's wearing those like, she's wearing that weird visor. She wore the full face one. Yeah, the Lady Gaga visor. Interesting move. But yeah, anyway, I believe J. York will continue to have the team probably. I'm telling you, we're following the path of the New England Patriots, and we're going to win a Super Bowl this year. Are you worried about there's like electromagnetic fields that hook everybody's knees and... I have done a deep dive on this.

Elders, do you know about this? There's an electrical substation next to the facility of the 49ers. I tuned out quick. You really did. I was telling Joe, and Joe was like, as it was happening, so it was like, you know what I felt like? scientist in a disaster movie showing Joe the stuff that he's the sea levels are rising much too quick

he's the mayor in jaws they're gonna go out there and they're gonna play one of the best summers we ever had but I was like I'll tell you Joe this shit's going bad but then every news station in the Bay Area did investigations with real scientists

it's in a suburban community turns out the 49ers just like they don't like to pay for hookers yeah they don't like to pay for high-end training. So they sunk $9 million in between last year and this year. Oh, wow. They're like up their facilities and their training staff. And what was happening? They're tearing knees. Apparently the electronic fucking waves cook your fucking ACL or whatever. So they were saying that it makes your tendons weaker, weaker because of the low frequency

things. Now, what if you slow roasted a fucking brisket by the electric? If you get you get the tendons just comes right off the bone, baby. Like that's maybe the 49ers need to open up a bar. barbecue restaurant in between the stadium and the substation. And practice where the old barbecue restaurant was. Yeah. Yeah. Flip them. There you go.

Running around in that sauce they can't bet. That sauce has made them slippery as a haul. I would love to watch sauce ball. You just fucking hose down the running back with fucking sweet baby race. And then the defense has got hickory on it. Watch these two collisions of flavor. That would be a fun because I always enjoyed slam ball where it was basically basketball but on a trampoline.

Can I tell your fans that love you but don't love sports? Sure. Just pretend Stav is pushing sauceball on ESPN. Sauceball. That's true. That is true. What I'm trying to do, look, I'm doing a commercial for ESPN football this year. Next year, I hope they'll let me pitch sauceball.

It's all the way to get sauceball gone. I got to get my foot in the door. And then I'm like, fellas, what, and we sauce them down? It's like you've got to be moderate in the general election. No, don't start this bullshit. And then all of a sudden I'm just saying A PAC funding can go a long way.

Like Trump, very moderate during the election. And now all of a sudden. Oh, dude, I'll tell you right. It takes a turn. I would have personally

really enjoyed a Tuesdays with stories. Your first guest is Donald Trump. First and only guest. That, I mean, Norman's singing him. Yeah, Norman doing puns.

Whoa. Very big. He goes, yeah, too big. little size queen. And he goes, what? What is that? He's confused old man.

Genocide. More like Ken aside. Barbie and he goes, I don't know what's happening. He's shutting down. Yeah, I would love so. Would you eat your dad's gum for 300 bucks? I don't care for the question.

I don't like that. I know. Obviously, we would never have a trump on here, but it would be funny for him to ask to, answer questions about like, hey, stop, so I'm in a polycule and my wife keeps getting fucked by your bigger dick's boyfriend. What should I do about that? That's what I want to see. I don't, and by the way, everything, that's how we fix society because that's what I want to see.

I want to see him answer that question. Absolutely. And be like, big dicks are terrible. Terrible things. You're like this guy. I like this guy. No, I don't think that's how we fix it. I don't know. I don't think we should make him likable. No, but I'm saying, silly. We haven't tried. You're right. Silly. We've got to go. Next round of podcasts in the election cycle should all be the silly podcast. Absolutely.

Not the interview ones. Yeah. Like those fucking guys that fucking had literally Net and Yahoo on. Oh, the Nelk boys. Maybe the dumbest guys in the world. Yeah. Right?

They're asking what his Burger King Order was. No, they did it. They asked a war criminal what his fucking Burger King Orner was. Oh, that's good. That's epic, dude.

Oh, oh my God. You can bet on, wait, wait, before you say anything, Mr. Netanyahu,

bet on podcast. Polly Market if you think he's going to say Wopper or Tendies. Yo, did you know that Beebe's a chicken sandwich boy? That's a taste overload. Yeah, anyway, I haven't been, you know what? I haven't been to Burger King in a while. It fucking rules. I hear Foley, I was just talking to Foley, he thinks they need to fix the pickles, but everything

else is good. Crazy note. Yeah. I mean, Foley's the man. Crazy note. But great note. Great note. I ate McDonald's more than I'd like to.

When's the last time you had BK? I never do McBK. I mean, it's been a year. Maybe on a highway somewhere. That's what's up. I'm at McDonald's guy. I was driving up to Albany, hit some traffic, pulled over on I-95, got some BK, chicken sandwich Whopper Jr.

That's the one I'm thinking of. That's just over the New York line there. Yeah. I know. Fan. At some point, it changes from McDonald's to Burger King on the highway. It's like crips in the bloods. You get into shit, poor gross areas.

Donald's is classic, baby. McDonald's is not classic. I get it delivered all the time. No, really? All the time. And it's funny because I live in like a doorman luxury building. They're just like, here's your McDonald's, you fucking white trash. It's like all guys in suits and fucking things.

I'm like, hi. I looked at an apartment in your neighborhood and the guy, you know, I just dressed like I do. The broker was like, you have enough money to live here, right? He was like, that's the neighborhood we're talking about. The show is like, yeah, I'll just have a fucking six nuggets. What is your order? What's your go-to order? Well, it used to be a double,

you guys are going to enjoy this. It used to be a double quarter pounder, just beef, cheese, and bun. I don't like all the bullshit. I don't want to eat. Damn, dude, missionary style. I respect that, yeah. Just hit it wrong.

Missionary style, no kissing. Okay, I'll see you later. Anyway, I got to go make some free agent moves. Hopefully that makes a baby. Now I'm on a diet, though, so I get two double cheeseburgs. Oh, of course. Yes.

Wait, two double cheeseburgers is more than a... No, double butter powders are big. They're greasy. Double cheeseburgers are little. But I was talking to your old pal, Mike Vecione, trying to lose some weight, you know, because I'm getting older. I'm a fat fuck. Cookies, brownies, the whole thing.

And so he was like, I was like, you know, I eat McDonald's all the time. And Vecione, who's a nut, he's like, McDonald's is good. He's like, when I'm on the road, I see McDonald's, I get four double cheeseburgers, take the bread off, a lot of protein, it's perfect. And so I took that info, and I was like, great. You bastardized it? Leaving the bread. Fries, a couple of numbers.

That was like when someone was like, that was like when we were drinking still and someone would go, you know, wine's good for your heart. And I go, well, that's probably half a bottle of whiskey, right? Was that wine? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that convert to wine? I was left to centarians, you know, the blue zones.

They all drink wine every day. But I'm like, they might live eight more years. Yeah. I didn't drink wine every day. Well, I love because one of the blue zones is Greece. And I promise you that that is people doing fraud. I promise you that's people continuing to collect their

dead grandfather's pension. Right, right. Like, in Greece, I promise you, the cigarette smoking like fucking, you know, moonshine drinking villages, they're not living to 108. These people average a lifespan of 127 years.

This is unlike anything we've ever seen. And I have no proof. It's just knowing how, you know, group people are. It's just racism? Well, no. Because if you... Joe's second attempt to anti-Metterranean racism, Italians and Greeks. Joe's going after the sauce collective. Just hurl it out of all the white people.

And I can't do she. And you can just brush all Greeks under the rug. I won't stand for this. Joe's going to be selling out in Athens. Joe with the Acropolis. Joe, Joe, Joe. He goes, another thing. I like that you guys eat fed.

I think it's gross Fuck turkey Fuck Albania He's getting fucking Suvlaki thrown at him I like Albania Oh okay Oh dude

Albania rules Yeah you've been to Albania No actually you know what They do kind of rule Because they've been destroying Jared Kushner's settlement Pushing trailers off of cliffs They're nuts

Albanians are nuts Yeah yeah you will not take my beach That is where I go cheat my wife I will not put luxury hotel Where I cheat my wife Where did I get sad pussy? You make the beautiful resort. Shee, another acceptable accent.

That's your Albanian. What the fuck? That's urban Albanian. Yeah, that's Bronx Albania. The ones in the, the scary ones in the mafia. I may have tried that voice on once or twice growing up in Baltimore City. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

How did you guys not grow up with black sense? Because you guys both grew up in heavily black neighborhoods. It was, we always, you were. you mocked those kids. They were always seen as posers to us where it was like, yeah, we could just be white guys to talk like this and just like basketball and rap.

We don't have to pretend to do a voice. There wasn't one that you, there's always one that you saw that you go like, I think this is just who he is and I don't think he's trying to be this way. There's a couple of those. Just white kids that are like, aye, you know what I'm saying.

I'm around and you're like, damn, that really is you. There's a couple of them. I mean, there's this one guy on Instagram and I see all the time. He's just got like, he's like gray hair, short little, like, Caesar cut. Oh, dude, he's awesome. I follow him.

He's hilarious. He's hilarious. He talks in, like, you're like, yeah, that guy. And he just drops the N-word on Instagram. Oh, no, that's a different guy. I'm thinking of a guy doing a character. Boston Joe goes, can he run for president? I like the cut of his jib. This guy's all right. You fucking tell me

this guy isn't a Yankees fan. We're in business. That's what I think Tarantino is like. I think he's one of those guys. Yeah, I mean, dude, it is so funny to look back and be like, really, you had to be the guy who said this. On Pulp Fiction, on rewatch, it really, because he's not that good an actor to begin with. You know, what's that? And then it's like, really?

Did you have to, and you have to repeat dead blank storage a couple times? You really like the rhythm of that. Yeah, what a tight friendship he had with. Samuel, your best voice, yeah, yeah. You're just doing character. How would he take that? Now, you could do the voice. Yeah, how would he take that?

Do Tarantino saying it to Sam Jackson? Jules, I couldn't think of his name. Knock it off, Julie. Yeah. That's pretty good. God, dude, the funniest one is Norm. You ever see Norm McDonald's? Okay.

You can tell he hates him by that impression. But we were talking about screen tests on the regs, but they do a Pulp Fiction screen test. Yeah, yeah. It's a little about hamburgers? Yeah. That's the Bert one. What is it? Bert Reynolds playing it.

You know what they call a quarter pounder in France? And then he goes, hey, Quentin, this whole thing about cheeseburgers? It's so funny. That doc is coming out. I'm excited about. But Norm Doc. Yeah, Norm MacDonald Doc. Yeah, who made it?

It's like Judd. Appetal. He's so good at Docs. That Mel Brooks one. Unbelievable. Because you don't know, like, you grew up with Mel Brooks, and you're just like, oh, his movies have always existed. And you don't realize how close he came to, like, never make, like, people doubted

him all the time. And then when he's successful, it's like, Blazing's house was like, the number one movie in America for years. And young Frankenstein. Yeah. Young Frankenstein. Young Frankenstein. That was a, my dad, that was what my dad used to, like, not really push on me, but we watch all the time was everything Mel Brooks.

So I loved it thinking no one else liked them. And then you grew up and you were like, kind of like a hipster with a band. Totally. Where someone's like, I like, I like, Moira Brooks. You go, you don't know shit about Moly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a classic. You live in a non, like, like, urban center or you live like somewhere without Jewish people.

Yeah. And then like you think you're like interesting for having Mel Brooks movies. And they're like, nah, dude, we fucking know. They're standing. What are you? Yeah, yeah. What's wrong with you? We've been watching Mel Brooks

and three of the babies Yeah, yeah And I go, oh shit My mom loved it My mom loved Mel Brooks And mafia movies And everything else She was like

Wouldn't let me watch The Simpsons But she let me watch that Why is that? Why did so many Were you allowed to watch The Simpsons? Yeah, but I know There was a lot of pushback

About it. My parents didn't care My mom did My parents She was like My parents didn't love me So your parents Your parents never brought it up

I don't think so My mom was I remember there was kids In my high school That were like They weren't allowed to wear Bart Simpson and stuff. Because at the beginning, I think his thing was like,

flow me, suck you my dick. I'm looking to school. Homework stinks kind of. Eat my shorts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is basically blow me. Right. Kill your masters.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like my cum is what he was saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Burr was essentially saying snort my cum like it's a line of Coke. Man. He's got to put that at the end. Snort my jizz, man. Matt, can we change that line?

Is that possible? Yeah. All right. Don't eat my ass, man. Yeah, my mom was like, no, you can't watch The Simpsons. And that's why I thought my dad was so cool. My dad was like, Simpson's rules. You want to watch it?

And I was like, yes. And then South Park came out, and my mom had already given it. She watched an episode of Simpsons. She's like, this is really funny. You can watch this. And then South Park came out and she didn't know about it because it was on Comedy Central. Yeah.

And that was like some shit. Oh, I was really not allowed to watch South Park. Beavis and Butthead was the one where everyone was not allowed to watch. Absolutely. I had to go to Elders's house. Really? Because Eldis's family was way so fresh off the boat that they were just so happy to be in America that he got like, he had like a Foxy Brown poster in his bedroom and it was like her tits out when we were seven.

Like I remember going over to his house to get and I would be like, all right, nice, we're going to look at that poster for a little bit. Like we would, I would plan to get horny at Eldis's posters when I was like 10. Same age. This kid Tony was his dad was like an eastern Colorado farmer and he moved in with his grandpa on his grandma who lived in my neighborhood, and he was allowed to have sexy beer posters on his wall. And I was going over there at 10 years old. And you know which one it was? It was a Budweiser where it should bottom boo? The first time I saw bottom boob, I looney tunes out of the house. Like I was like, you can't even fathom bottom tits. And they were heavy. They're all top.

Listen, top is great. Great. Because every like, you know, as a little boy, you see like a, somebody's aunt bending over. You see that. Cleavage. You can't. Yeah, if cleavage is, you're like, Well, it can't get better than this. And then you're like, you could see under her nipples. And also, that is the, that is the true gravity of the situation. Because you're seeing that hang. You see how they hang. That's a great point.

I walked into Tony's bedroom. I saw that. I'm a man now. I'm literally getting a little horny. And then the side boob. There's so many different. Oh, side boob. Let me tell you the best side boob I ever saw in my life.

Jamie Fox started coming around the cellar like 10 or 11 years ago. Wondering where this is going. And his side tit was so nice. Side show boob. That's nice. Good. Yeah. He had this lady with her and she had a, like a sleeveless t-shirt, but it hung like down her side.

And obviously she had her tits like pasted to it or whatever, but she had big boobs. Awesome. Whatever it was. But her side titties were out and every single comic of that place was like. Of course. Just dialed into this lady trying to get her to watch her when she'd turn to the side. And you'd be like, yeah, yep, yep. I thought it was going to be a much younger story.

No. I thought you were going to talk about. I was in my 30s. Because mine, I was like 12. No, brother. I still don't. And it was just a lady.

I don't know who she was. And I remember her side, having side. And I was like, and I was like, and I just got caught. It didn't matter. Young Stavros getting hit with the tit vapors.

Dude. I was, it was like, it was like in a boxing game when you have to clinch. Yeah. Because you need a second. Yeah, I'm like,

stop with her teeth, some little her teeth, some little her tits. She's friends with your brother's godmother. She's going to get mad at you. Which honestly made it hotter. Yeah, oh my God,

when you saw like a rando mom, a rando friend's mom's huge tits, you go like, yo, those are in my life. Yeah, and she was like, I was like 12 and she was like,

I don't know, like in her early 20s, it was like a, she was like a woman. And I remember being like starting to do the math, I'm like, all right, 18 and six years.

Like I was like, can I, how could I fuck this woman? Yeah. Not like tits are awesome, but being like, well, I have to fuck this lady. And two scared, by the way, even look at a girl in the eyes at that age, you know, but at the time I'm like, how do I scheme on this woman whose name I don't know? She'll be my wife. And I was, that is, there is actually something wholesome about it because it was like, how do I date this woman?

You were like, let me fuck her and use her and toss her away. You go like, how do I make this woman a part of my life? No, truly. What life looked like with her? I think I could, if I, if I, if I, if I, I think I could, if we had like a police sketch artist, I think I could perfectly describe her to this day. That's a great idea for a show. Yeah.

It's describing your first tips. Favorite tips? Yeah, that's our subway takes rip off. Now I have, now, now you're doing. You're doing well. You have a lot of money. A studio. Maybe I can pitch my show idea.

Please. A lot of people, I've heard this, many people have heard this many times. So fast forward if you're following my career, because I've been talking about this for many years. I'm interested. Here's the show idea. Now, I feel like I'm highly skilled. at knowing what kind of shit I'm about to take. So you get a police artist,

and there's three contestants say, I don't know if I've never heard this idea. This is incredible. Well, I've had it for a long time. So everybody describes, because if I know, by the way, it feels in my stomach, I'm like, this is going to be double taper, there's going to be pebbles.

Right. Everyone describes their shit. We sketch it. Whoever's closest to the dump wins gets to eat the shit. Eat my shit? No, I don't know that. I don't know all this stuff. What's my shit?

Dropping it with Joe? Sketch my shit. Sketch my shit. Dropping it with Joe's pretty good. What kind of shit this is? The shit list. The shit list with Joe list. That counts.

What you have to do when he's the produced, the money guy? Yeah, yeah, perfect. I go. We could probably massage it. Hold on.

Shit list is good. That's a real phrase with shit in it. And his last name. That's pretty good. I go honestly right now, though, name puns aren't charting. So I think it's probably just have to go a different direction. But don't you feel when you have to shit?

Because some people don't know that. I know what you mean. I know what are you talking about. Can I tell you right now, I'm a person where I would lose at that game because there's sometimes where I go, what is happening? And then I get up and I go, this is the most beautiful shit I've ever taken in my life. But it felt like a blowing out the sides. It didn't make the noise of that.

But it didn't have the funk. It didn't have the swish. The swish of a good purd. But it hits bottom of the net. But it has to be before you take the short. I know. But that's what I'm saying. Because sometimes I go in there, I go, ooh, I got.

rumbling and then it's just a slide to the left. So I have this problem where I have the really nice, like the perfect one. Sure. Just comes out, you know, classic J shape if it doesn't coil. Sometimes that feels exactly like a very powdery, like a bat, like I've eaten, I haven't had enough fiber shit. Yes. So that would trip me up. That would be my Achilles heel in this thing, right, I would say. Yeah. So, but, you know, maybe that wouldn't even rear its head until the playoffs. I think I'd get by through the regular season. Every once in a while, I have, I have one that starts very thin and that has like a snow cone on top. It's like pointing at the bottom and then like I had like a microphone.

What kind of fucking. Every once in a while. What kind of like a pyramid? What kind of ass trap? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like one scoop and you're like, whoa, like it started off nice and then got kind of squeezed out. When that happens is to become painful?

No, no, it's quite enjoyable. You just pass it? Yeah, I just am like, oh shit. I got conspated as an adult and that was maybe four years ago and since then I haven't forgot it. I just, I got packed up, dude. Really?

And I was taken out. Dietary? No, my doctor thinks it was stress related. Really? And then, you know, it's funny is it was the 49ers lost the NFC championship game and I was trying to poop at halftime

but I was trying to rush it because I was like Seahawks? It was when they lost of the Rams and then the Rams won the Super Bowl. And I was like, get out, get out! And then it didn't happen. And then for the next three days, I kept being like, hey, come on, hey, come on. And then I started panicking. And when it's on the tip of your hole, too,

you can feel it and won't come out. I was in Rochester at Comedy of the Carlson just in my hotel like, come on. Come on. I was making that pathetic noise. Please, please. I was taking stuff and it wasn't working. I was going, please, I took a suppository.

Oh, you put something up your ass. You tried to get a start. You tried to siphon the shit out of your ass. And it did it work? Like sagelow. Come grab this fucking this. Grab a hose. Grab a hose, sags.

this is why you're here this is why you're here don't worry I've done that with JP Plenty but what's funny is I kept drinking the Miralax which is supposed to loosen it and then I was like my doctor was like yeah drink Miralax and so I was doing it like pretty like well I don't want to shit while I'm on stage

and then I called my doctor on like a Saturday and I was like hey it's still not it's been four days and he's like oh when I say drink Miralax I mean just every time you're done drinking a cup of water, drink another one with it. And I did it. And the second I got home from Rochester,

I was like, and it was, awesome. It was the best feeling I've ever had in my life. What shape were we talking? There was no shape. Shapes. It was a mound.

It was fun. I felt like Jeff Daniels and dumb and dumber. I was like, you're taller. You're sitting on your shit by the other. I was thanking God. It felt so good. I was going,

thank you God. Oh, thank you God. It was just like, whir-lap. So that would have been a wild guess for shit. Shit list. We have to save that for Sweeps Week. Dan Soder's coming in here,

pack from an NFC championship day. We've packed Dan to the brim. Sometimes I have like a stack of logs. Like it's like five big long log. Like the end of a dugout. Just looking at lumber? Yeah. We might lose people here.

By the way, 2003 ALCS, I shit blood. Really? Game seven, yeah, right before game seven, I went to the ER. And they're like, have you been under serious stress? You're watching these games? I mean, those were incredible. Yeah.

That's back when I enjoyed ball. That was the year they lost. Yeah. That was where Boone hit it. The game before the Aaron, the day, the morning of the Aaron Boone home run. My favorite story is where you were when it happened. You were out with your family, but your dad's reaction. Yeah, no, my dad, well, he was, it was a long game.

It was extra innings. So my dad, there was like a back room with a pool tables. They were playing pool in between innings. And Aaron Boone hit the lead off. home run. We all went, oh, reacted. My dad hadn't made it into the living room. And he walked, he was putting his coat on. He goes, who hit it? Oh, Aaron Boone. He goes, all right. And he had the keys. We just walked out and nobody ever spoke of it. That's like, my favorite fucking reveal of a fucking was Aaron Boone. He's like, okay. And then I was going to New York the next day with my buddy Derek.

And we literally got in the car and did not speak about it. We just didn't have a conversation. We sat there. But the idea of being so used to losing that you just put your coat on and you go, who did it to us this time. It's so fucking funny. That was horrible. And then next year you guys won it and then you became the best sports city. In the coolest way possible.

That was the last time Boston were like the nice lovable underdogs because I remember rooting, of course you didn't want the fucking Yankees to win. And that come from behind, it was so beautiful. In 2001 you must have been rude, well, maybe not you, but most of America was rooting for the Patriots

post 9-11. I was rooting for the Cardinals and the Rams. Well, I'm a 49ers fan. Or not the Cardinals, I'm sorry, Diamondbacks and the Rams that year. I was a 49ers fan. So it was fuck the Rams. And when the Patriots hit the New England Patriots have decided to be introduced.

As a team. You were like, Goose bumps. Great. And then you guys became the most hate. And then you guys won and kept winning. Then the Bruins won. And then the Celtics won and then the Bruins one.

And then you kept winning. Yeah. And then the Red Sox won again and again. Yep. Yeah, that's right. Baltimore has just been getting shit off. I know. We're getting our asses.

And we haven't won since the 90s. This is our year, baby. Shout out to the mint man. I'm giving mentoring you nickname. The Mittman, Jesse Minter. I'm having mince. Ooh. Mintz.

I'm workshopping a lot of stuff. My breath is hot. My breath is so fresh. It's Minter Fresh. That's great. Minter Fresh is not bad. Let's move on. Let's, yeah, let's see.

No, you're right. We've talked way too much sports for the general public here. But you know what? It's good. This is America. It's the first week of NFL football. Like we said, Uncle Stav is coming. You're happy it's coming out?

I can't wait, dude. I'm so happy to fucking be done. And just like, I don't know, just chill. Yeah, but how much you can be checking that Netflix top 10 list? I think I'm gonna, I think I'm, I will be checking it fucking nonstop, obviously. But I think I'm going to completely get off my phone because I just feel like the last time anything, when things come out, you're like constantly saying what people think. Yeah.

And I'm just good. I got a brick. I love the brick. My phone is bricked right now. I can't get on Instagram. I can't get on, you know, I took Twitter off my phone completely. I deleted Instagram and Twitter and blocked Reddit. It's the best thing I've ever done.

Awesome. But now I'm watching YouTube all day. Yeah, yeah. Dude, no, I started going, I started going Spotify. I was like, what kind of new songs are there? I love it photos all the time. I'm all photo. I'm in my photos and I'm in AP News app.

Yeah, yeah. I started reading the news. AP news app I go, what's in the local section? Yeah. It's like, well, the thing. Wow, a beloved hot dog. is threatening to go out of business. And meta just, you know, settled like 162 billion

for whatever their shit is. But it really is getting kids addicted to social media. He's coming after the good guys. Palantir Joe. We all love it. That's so funny. I'm on my Palantir app all the time. I'm just watching.

I'm just over here watching flock cameras. I'm watching my neighbors argue. Katie goes, what are you doing? I go, I'm watching a car crash in Springfield, Missouri. The guy didn't have the right away and he just blew right through the light. Are you scared with Marty being an online guy? Or should we believe his name? I'm sorry.

No, that's all right. I'm not, no. No, we say his name. But yeah, I'm not. Right now he's three and he sleeps in our bed and kicks the shit out of my throat all night. So I'm not there yet. So you want to give him an iPad? But I'm good about not being on my phone and not letting him watch the stuff.

So we'll see. I mean, who knows? That's the thing that's crazy. And I don't want to go down in dark, whatever. Sure. none of us have any concept of what life is going to be like in five years crazy we also I think like that could be scary but it also could be positive Marty's generation could grow up and go fucking social media fried a whole generation yeah

so we got to stay away from that shit yeah if there's like the hippie movement but for fucking computers but also like look at the pushback that because you know grand theft auto's coming out and they're like we're not releasing physical copies and then Sony was like, we're done making physical copies for PlayStation. And the pushback they got was like, oh shit, my bad, because everyone kept going so you don't own anything anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just have a streaming service that's like, you can, Marty's generation might be like,

I want to buy shit. That would be nice, yeah. Luddites out in the forest. Because also, everybody's saying like Gen Alpha and Gen Z aren't horny. So what if there's a new sexual revolution with like, you know, and they're like, we're going to live out in huts, no internet, we're going to grow our hair. long, beautiful, and we're going to suck and fuck. When he comes into our bed, we still fuck.

That's obvious future. Oh, yeah. It's like, put him out to the side. You go, watch this. Now watch this. Now watch this drive. We're going to get you your pacifier. Now watch this drive.

Yeah, he's cheering. He's like, good job, dad. Yeah. Way to stay hard, dad. Would you take George W. Bush right now? No. Straight up. No.

Really? No Cheney. No Cheney. No Cheney I'm listening. He's buddies with that one. Okay, no cheney. I'm talking right now. Just George Bush.

He pops soon. I'm fantasy booking this. I guess, yeah, I would rather have George Bush no Cheney painting in the Oval Office. No, take, yeah, stops. Bush, but it's cut my dick off and punt it to have George W. Bush in office. George W. Bush and Mitt Romney is the VP. How are you feeling? I love that ticket.

Yeah, yeah. Joe's ready to vote right now. Are you fucking kidding? I mean, I don't, you know, I would. To finish out this term, yes. I would go in the bathroom and jerk off to get a John McCain. Yeah, not 2028. Okay, yeah.

Just to finish off this. Trump steps down. I made a mistake. Excuse me. Sorry. Yeah, yeah. And W comes in. Mission accomplished.

Trump goes to the resort in Albania. They're building to. Epstein Island. Little St. James 2, Tirana. Yeah, but then they go to the fucking. Yeah, yeah. They go to the bullpen. They go.

Oh, it's him. It's the Texas Ranger. Isn't he literally younger than Trump right now? Yeah. That's so funny. He's not a bit. Listen, we don't have to make it about policy. But with Mom Dani, isn't it funny to see a politician who can play soccer?

Like, it's like, all our politicians can't even, like, walk. And they, like, start wars and shit. He just makes me feel like I didn't do the homework and he did. Yeah. That's all of his energy. He's SGA president. Where he goes, if you did, if you did the read, And you go, I didn't do the rating.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I just, for sure, he has, like, SGA president. Like, does a film, has a club, does the student government. But I just mean, literally, it's funny to see a politician be able to run. Like, no other politician. Not have their walk. Clinton, Clinton was the last big runner. He was running.

And Barry, he played hoops. Barry did play hoops. You're right. You're right. DePaul had a great joke, you know. You're not going to like it. Elvis, get the, get the scissors ready. He got a fat lip,

basketball. And now we're cutting back in. Come on, that's a good joke. No one said Apollo doesn't understand joke structure. I know. The COVID one, too. People said, touch my eyes.

Oh, my fucking God. That's not a brilliant joke. That one isn't a brilliant joke. He has one that I was thinking about all the time where he's like, professors in college, women avoid... He's very good. All right, we're back. And we're back, folks.

Woo! I love that guy. Best of DePaolo. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, what else is... What the hell else is going on, man? Are you not doing the rave? Are you not going to be like...

I don't think I'm going to be doing... Because the ESPN thing, you can't be Ronnie? No, it's just like, how many times can you be like... I'm a sex offender and I'm ironically racist. He's back, guys. You know what I mean? I've been doing it all episode. It's just the same joke over and over again.

And there's no way to do it and be good at, like, interesting and creative about it. I think I'll still do the big games. Sure. And obviously I'm going to do the playoffs. Well, reactions. I'll do some playoffs. Yeah. I talk about playoffs.

But yeah, dude, I don't know. I can't do it every fucking week. It's just like, there's nothing to talk about after a certain point. But I'll do it. Listen, maybe a little opening. Maybe this week I've done it because it's. opening week and then the playoffs but you know don't get you know I'm not doing them every week no ronnie fatigue yeah yeah we're getting we're getting real Ronnie fatigue but you know I am excited I'm

excited for the fall I can't wait to get autumnal you know what I mean getting the foot go to a cabin or something shit be in the leaves you ever leaf you're because New England everybody goes in I go we go October like the leaf right now god damn I heard that one off the back I was in the dugout and double bubble. Stay fair. Stay fair. Stay fair. It's gone.

No. It's gone. I didn't turn around. I was going like this. I go, what do you throw them? Do you see? Hooked it around the ball,

baby. I'm putting on my elbow. It's Steph Curry turning around and that's the ball in the air. I heard Joe hit that as I was putting my elbow guard on. Oh yeah. That's fucking things out of here. Oh, yes.

I always forget you are. You're basically your New England in law now. You're like, you're marrying into the... Married into the Boston life. So you go, you guys go and hit a fucking little cabin and look at the police? No, we do that just because we live in New York and that's where we got, we got engaged at a place up in the cat skills. And so then just every year, we don't do vacations.

That's like the one week where we go away and there's no reception. Nice. But there is Wi-Fi. You're not a vacation guy. At the beach. Uh-uh. You don't like to take your top off, do you? No. You do. You seem to, yeah, I don't understand why I don't believe in your body. One of the most things I'm jealous of you of you is how comfortable you are with your shirt off. Yeah. And how positive your relationship with sex is. It's generational. It's truly... You'll take your shirt off.

I love taking my shirt off. He's got a good bod. Your bodd's great. You have a sneaky good bod. Sneaky good bod. Sneaky good bod. And I'm hot for it. Yeah, yeah.

My stomach's getting a little out. I'm 44 now. I have brownies a lot. So I'm on a diet now. But my chest and arms, I mean, right? He's still got WCW body. Yes. That's a good body.

Even if he's soggy in the bitch. Look at those. He's got pretty. I'll just have some baby oil outside. We just did a picture for the calendar. Oh, look at those fucking... And let me tell you what I am. I'm winter jacket hot.

Yeah. I bet you if you took your shirt off right now... It's not good. I think you just don't... You're a big guy. I don't like it. This feels like when Kramer shot George. Because you're a fun guy.

You got nice pecks, but I can't see it. How did that go for George? Were you ever humiliated as a youth? I had puffy nipples. Ah, puffy nipples. And puffy nipples will fucking sink you. They'll sink you. Also,

did not have, like, I wasn't, like, naked around the house. Oh, no father, like, around the house. No dad around the house, shirtless. Well, your dad must, when you hung out with him, he must have been shirtless. Well, he was asleep most of this time. And by that, I mean, passed out. He was at the wheel of his bar. I go, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad.

Dad, dad, I'm not going to make my Little League game. Oh, no. You thought that was what his concern was? He goes, I can't wait to get you on a flight home. He wasn't, he lived near the Little League. but it was I never like it was always you know why yeah please tell me and this is just some real shit I want to hear the I always felt like a guest in my own home wow because my mom was dating right so I always was like clothed right right oh hello hello sir hello sir I can't mess this up

like wearing jeans in your own home like sweatpants sweats sweats shorts sweatshorts t-shirt on fun T-shirts. See, that's a good, so I grew up, my father just, like, would shower and just walk upstairs naked. You know what? And it would be in his underwear, like, just, just like, I know, well, that, that gave me. Joe just going to like, no. Well, your dad probably, like, wore a full tuxedo.

In the shower? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, shirt and tie to work, I guess. And then, yeah, James. I guess he Steve. No, my dad never wore sweatpants. See, that's crazy.

No. No, no lounge. So there's no lounge. happening at the List household. Now he wears like pajama bottom kind of thing. Yeah, but that's almost like he's lost his mind. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I've lost my marble. I always got an eye patch. He cuts his own hair. Oh, no, dude. Steve wears, we got to round him up pants. Boone hit it. Oh, he's back in. Boone hit it.

He's back in Korea. Yeah. No, nobody was walking around naked. That's fucking. But even, but there was no lounging happening. Because jeans at all times is kind of like, that's at the 50s. They asked it. That was like sweatpants of the, I was like reading a book about the 50s.

And that was there like, oh, we're just relaxing. I threw on some jeans in the house. Like your dad's kind of old fashioned in that way. I guess so. Well, I always talk about this. When we were boys, men were all shirtless. Absolutely. Like every photo of my family hanging out at a cookout, they'd be around the grill,

tight blue jeans, no shirt. That's what you'd like sit on a summer day. And then you go to like the Sox game, you'd be at Fenway Park. It was just a sea of shirtless. I know. Which isn't even allowed now. Yeah. Now you take a shirt off to like, you got to, like, you got to go.

Yeah. No shirt, no service. I grew up opposite. Just never, everyone had a shirt on. Yeah. Like, what's crazy is I would see my dad when I would visit him and he'd be shirtless and he was cavalier about it. Right.

But I never inherited that. Right. I wasn't around him. Totally. And that we even felt, that probably gave you a little, I bet you even putting your your shirt, taking your shirt off almost was like, would have been bittersweet. because you're like, if my dad was here, I would just be on the couch with my shirt off watching football.

For real. I feel like that about that and playing basketball. Really? Because when I'd visit my dad, we'd go shoot around hoops and he'd give like tips and I would improve instantly. And then we'd leave and I'd be like, no. And I'd be like, you want to play basketball?

You're like, nah, I'm not really, I don't want to play basketball. Can I play football and run fucking hard as shit in you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to hurt my brain so I don't remember stuff. I want to hurt my brain. I go, my head. Edd needs to hurt. It's so to you.

Play me outside linebacker. I'm going to fucking rip you off the earth. You're fine. It's like the water boy, but you're seeing like every guy your mom is fucking space. Hey, Trish, the TV isn't working.

The TV's working. You just have it on the wrong town. I can take that a quarterback. Who moved my macho man in the green? I go, you turned off Saturday in that main event. Earthquake was about to I, Eno Bravo.

Yeah, dude, but also... Oh, wow, dude. Because this happened with Louis Katz. Louis Katz and I were hanging out, and he was like saying something, and I go, can I ask you why all the short Jewish guys I know or the horniest dudes I've ever met? And without even batting an eye, he goes, yeah, because we have a positive relationship with sex. And he goes, so we're just like cool with it.

He goes, all you Christians have this weird fucked up shit where you're not allowed to play with your dick. Right. And you're like, oh. As an adult, you hear that? And you go, yeah. No, that's true because Greek Orthodoxy is a, it's like, no one is actually that religious. You go to, you go to Easter.

It's mostly a social club. Like, I'm even to the point where, you know, I like, when I was in my 20s, I was like, oh, or even when I was like a teenager, oh, God's not real. And I was like, one of those, like, corny, like, you know, Bill Maher atheist when I was in, in, like, oh, really? You think there's a God? Oh, there's a big man upstairs. Yeah, yeah.

Here's a new rule. How about no? But then the older I get, I'm like, yeah, maybe the shit isn't. Obviously, that shit did not happen. But the lessons are good. Like, you should live your life that way. And so I'm even thinking about like kind of just going to like Greek church as more of a social thing. Here comes the Christian grift.

Yeah, yeah. And I just like, so no matter what you believe, whether you're atheists or believe in God, you should watch Uncle Stop on Netflix. Also, check out our new podcast. Coming from the studio, prayers up. We're all going to be coming in and being grateful. Yes, with special co-host, George W. Bush. No, Dick Cheney, though.

I guess he's in hell right now. Yeah, right. He's in heaven. All the good work he did. But yes, because there was no real guilt. But yeah, Catholics and you just in general. My mom was Irish Catholic, even though I'm Episcopalian. My mom was raised Irish Catholic.

House divided. Well, no. We ran, we went by her rules. I see. I didn't have to vote. Wait, you were an Episcopalian child living under Catholic rule? My mom got excommunicated

because she got divorced. What? Yeah. Some of these words are losing me. Excommunicated is like some shit that would happen to like a medieval warlord. No,

that's when you eat the fish. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, but the Catholics, Catholics, kick you out. That's funny. Catholics kick you out. Catholicism, you get kicked out

if you got if you get divorced. No, still? There's no way. Yeah, really? Well, this is my mom. Maybe she was a woman living in sin. 19706. Oh, okay, damn. And there was, just don't look it up or anything. Well, she got, she was in college and got married for two years and there was like, this isn't working and got divorced. And her church was like, you're out. That was to your dad or a different guy? No, different guy. Huh. And then her second marriage was my dad. Interesting. And he, and then he was Episcopalian. And she was like sick. And by the way, Episcopalian is just,

Catholicism that allows divorce. Because literally a king made it up. It's the church of England. Oh, that's the one where Henry was like, I need new pussy. So now we actually have fuck the fuck to fuck Rome. Yeah. I got to get, because I got to get, I need a male air. It legitimately was, I want some different pussy.

Don't be mad to me God. It's Episcopalian subtitled, need some new puss. Don't be mad, God. I might be a pescatelian. All these years. Oh, you get fresh pussy every four years or so? She, I need some new pussy. And that was Samuel L. Jackson in the upcoming movie Episcopalian.

Yeah, because that was really funny because he just kept killing or divorcing his wives. He goes, oh, redo. And then it turns out genetically, it's the guy, it's the guy's jizz that decides whether it's a guy. Because women have both X chromosomes and a guy has X and Y. So if the man doesn't give a Y, it's going to be a girl. So it was all Henry's jizz was girl jizz. And he killed all those ladies

because he had girly ass jizz. He's got that fucking pink jiz. But you got you can't be a pistol fan because you got a male air already. I got male, man jizz. You have the air to the fucking jiz. You're very manly jizz. By the way, Marty, when he introduces himself to kids,

he says, I'm Marty Liss. The people say, what's your name? He goes, I'm Marty List. It's a great name. It rolls off the fucking time. It's old fashioned. It could also be like an ambulance chaser with that. Yeah, yeah. Have you been injured? Marty List. Join the List list list. Yeah.

I'll put you on the list to fight for. Yeah, yeah. Here's a list of all the money I got. The billboards driving the Philly. Marty saved my life. Yeah. Well, I got into an accident with FedEx and they didn't want to pay, but Marty List fought for me. A door dash driver ran over my nuts and Marty List got me new nuts. Like the kind they give dogs after they Did he do a handshake? He's like, hi, I'm Marty List. No, but he is a high five. He'll high five, say, I'm Marty List.

He's very funny. What a cute guy. He's a man. I miss Marty. We've got to chill soon. Yeah, come over sometime. I can't wait. Last time I saw Marty, he just had a fat bug in his nose.

Yeah. Joe was holding him. He goes, do you see that book? It was just in the chamber. The best thing about having a kid is you get double the boogers to play with. I'm rolling his boogers. Sarah's like grossed out. I love it.

You get the cold. I'm like, yes. He gets like fucking squishy long. I hate what you're saying right now. And I'll play with them for 10, 20 minutes. I'd almost rather you molest them. This is crazy. Well, they get those, those goo ones, but they stick and they go, like, oh, I do know what you mean.

Kid boogers. Oh, you thought the football talk was bad. I, back to the day, like, people are at home, like, talk about your shit. Yeah, yeah. Joe just pulling it and going like, ooh. It's crazy. He gets a couple of chopsticks and I grab one from each. Do you give a mustache?

No, and I play with them, and I'll do some of my own stuff. You were a booger kid as well as a child. I never ate boogers. Some people ate boogers. Those people should be fucking put in death. You know what he is? I play with him. I experimented with a guy in college.

I kissed my roommate. I never sucked his dick. Meanwhile, we're finding out he was the throat dope in this house of sick. I love, I still love playing with a booger. In fact, most of the time, if people think I'm deep in reflection, I actually just, I'm like, really enjoying being mindful. Interesting. I'm like this, huh?

I actually really hate that you divulge that information. I don't like it at all and I've known him for 20 years. And I don't like any of this. It's all in the privacy of my home. I'm not, you know, I'm not on the airplane. Well, that's my question. You ever publicly play with a bug? No, I can't pick my nose in public.

But if you go in the, you feel something, you go in the bathroom and I'm one of these guys. You're a man. That's worse. That's worse. You're a man. I'd end up in the trash. I roll into a nice... On the sidewalk.

Shout out Coach Parker. That's horrible. I don't have time for a fucking Kleenex. I'm making deals. Yeah, dude. First time I saw a man do that, shout out Coach Barker. Yeah.

I like to do this. He fucking nailed a farmer blow. Yeah. And it was so cool. Except for a long practice, he goes, and he just went, poosh. Bob Barker was his football coach.

That's the same guy. Price is right. Yeah. They went out neutered pets together. Yeah. It's getting late. Why was that his thing? Why did he love cutting a cat's nuts off?

I'm not sure. I never do what it meant. Of all the, like, celebrity causes, spaying and neutering pets, seems pretty love. Let's stop animals from fucking. Yeah, yeah. Let's stop him from, you know, getting a nice nut off. He was on TV every day for 60 years. He's like, I'm going to take care of this.

This cats and dogs is going to be me. Yeah. We're weird cause. And I wonder, do you think he was fucking all the girls? Oh, he could say, yeah. Yeah, I thought he was fucking animals too. Yeah, 100%. Dude, he was like the fucking 60s.

just go like, did you shave your pussy today? And they'd go like, sure did, Bob. How many episodes are we doing today? It's like, two, can I sit? And there was no HR. Can you go ahead and put the drop the clippings in an envelope? Yeah.

Put them in my office? Now, Marla, I have your pubs on my desk by five o'clock, please. Marla, we have had a tough day here. Can I suck your tits? The best was the fucking family feud guy who would just kiss. Richard Dossum. Shout out. Cating.

Where were you watching. When we watch, like when we go to an Airbnb and they just have that internet TV. The family news channel. And there's like a family feud channel or whatever. And she goes, I can't watch the 70s ones. They're all drunk and kissing. And I go, that's exactly what it is. She's 100%.

You watch every episode. He goes, now you are married to Steve here. Can you imagine someone just a guy kisses your wife on the lips and you have to take it? And then think of words. And you can't fuck him up on TV. On TV. Yeah. Like people are going to see you get cusses.

by this guy. And then they go, all right, and what are five things the dog does outside? You go, I'm not thinking about that. Yeah, bro. And by the way, there's four channels. Everyone you've ever met is watching that episode. It's going to make the newspaper. You go, Richard Dawson got quite friendly with Alice.

It's really wild. And then he'd do daughters, too. Yeah. You're in the front of the thing. You do the first answer. And you watch your daughter and wife get a kiss on the lip. By the way, just crazy compliments too when you watch it. He goes, you are filling out nice.

And you're like, that's my fucking... What a woman you're becoming. Well, some lucky young man's going to take this as his bride. He's like, doing porn flicks. Yeah. He's like, good answer, good answer, good answer, good answer. He goes, and this is your wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Three things the clown is afraid of. A big, a really big car. Hey, Rich. Could you, like, could you ease up? Somebody had a joke like 20 years ago. I can't remember who. I think it was a New York comic. They're like, they ask 100 people a day.

The show's been on for 60 years. Why have I never met a single person that's been interviewed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great point. They're obviously making it up. Of course. 100 people a day since 1961. We've never encountered.

Someone's like family feud called today. What would you say things you keep in your pocket? You go, come? You go, like, six people. Well, do you know anybody who's done like the Nielsen ratings? No. I knew someone that. had a thing in their house for the ratings.

Oh, I stand corrected. And they thought they were king shit. They wanted to tell you about it. Of course, dude. You're a taste maker. There's my friend in middle school. His mom was like, yeah, we do the Nielsen ratings. And you're like, great.

Okay, nice. Cool. I think it's time for us to go from Richard Dawson sucking off ladies to giving advice on the... Mine, miss, do you mind if I taste your pussy? All right. That's fucking weird. Hopefully we have some family feud related calls on the visible hotline. Elders, why don't we play some calls with our boys?

And fellas, anything here at the midway point you'd like to plug? Oh, yeah. Midway? Yeah, we just got going. It's been 15 minutes. Good life of child stuff. Ready for a day and a half. All right, right.

One point, whatever. We're at 1.75. Yeah, yeah. What do I get? Oh, this weekend, Royal Oak, Michigan. Beautiful. Comedy Castle. Love that club.

And then I got a October 1st of the third side splitters in Tampa. Great club. And then Philly helium. Woo! You got some bangers coming. 22nd of the 24th, yeah. Yeah, that's awesome. September, I'll be in Hartford, Connecticut for four shows, Friday and Saturday.

I think that's September, I want to say 18th and 19th. Okay. Let's see if I'm right about that, because that would be pretty cool in this old resin-filled brain of mine. And the answer is, I will. was right. 18th and 19, Hartford Funny Bone.

Beautiful. And then I'm going to be at a new club in Albuquerque called Kazatas. I'm going to be there October 2nd and 3rd, dancehoter.com

for all the rest of my dates. Truly two of the best comics alive. Go fucking see these boys. They're the best. And watch Uncle Stov and I think this weekend because Nick Kroll and Mike Berbigli had dropped out,

I am going to be on some huge festival in like Mississauga, opening for Malaney and Fred Arbor Armisen. Sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those outdoor festivals?

Those outdoor festivals. They're great. I love those up in Canada. I'm excited. Very fun. They're outside and you go, how does this go? Every time I've done it twice. It's fucking awesome.

Sick. All right. I'm excited. It will be the material on Uncle Stoff. I don't. I was not able to write a new half hour in four days. Play us a call, a little LD. Hey, Zavi.

A long time listener, first time caller. Hello, esteemed guest. Hello, Eldis. I got a question about my boss at work. We've worked with him for a long time. He's always been a really like soft-spoken kind of guy. He's terribly afraid of confrontation, kind of difficult to work with.

But lately he's been especially difficult to work with. And we've come to find out that he is going through a divorce. And the divorce is because his wife cheated on him. And they have a kid involved in their marriage. and he's had to like sell his house, et cetera, et cetera. It sucks for him. I feel really bad for him. However, he's the type of person who keeps all this stuff kind of bottled up.

He doesn't really say anything to anybody or go to therapy or anything like that. And he's just always kind of got this super, like, fake chipper attitude that everybody can kind of see right through. And that's one of those classic cuck guys behavior. I'm a little bit worried because I'm afraid he's going to have like a me, myself and I What a movie, by the way. Underrated films. I was just saying it the other day. Yeah.

I mean, Jim Carrey puts on a clinic. It's unbelievable. His sons are so fucking funny. They're amazing. It's an incredible movie. An Irene episode where he's like Charlie and then something snaps and he turns into Hank. So I'm kind of trying to wonder, like, is there a way that you could talk to your boss and be like, hey man, like, I know you're going through something or. or like recommend him to go to therapy or something because it's kind of like at this point

where it's like everyone steals it on him and everybody knows that he's doing this like fake facade but he's like clearly making mistakes at his job he's clearly not focused and he's clearly just doesn't have his head in the game um so I'm wondering how do you approach something like that before you know before anything happens like it feels like there's going to be a snap is what I'm trying to say. Interesting. So as a person approaching their boss, what's the best way to go about that?

Thanks, man. Have a go on. Bye. Approaching your boss, your boss got cucked so hard. You're afraid he might kill you and everyone in the office. Well, the thing is,

I've never had a boss because I'm not a pussy. But, Joe's his own man. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I think just expressing concern for him might go a long way. He might break down crying

just by saying, hey, I'm a little worried about you, buddy. Yeah, totally. I can agree. Just treat him like a friend. Yeah, I mean, I think what might crack him before he snaps is you going, do you want to talk? Yeah. Or even going like, you're taking care of yourself?

Right. Because when someone goes, you're taking care of yourself, you just go like, I'm not. Yeah. Which is better than him being at the office and being like, and it's like, what's that? Yeah. What are those pops? And then the next thing you know, he's working already. Yeah.

You know, someone lent off fibers in the building? You know, it's crazy. In your sentence, you use the word snap, crackle, and pops. That's beautiful. Shout out to Rice Krispies. I do want everyone to know. I am working hand in hand with Kellogg. He's doing his own in-app podcast.

Well, you know what this guy to just turn out to be a fruit loop? I'll tell you what. I'll get your apple jacks shifted when your wife did, fuck. Next thing you know, just turn y'all into frosts and minuets. Do that thing when you do the Cheerio. Anyways, guys, Dan Soder.com, get 20% off. All Nabisco, product. We're working with the big dog. We're working with the parent company. No, talking to this guy will save your life. Yeah, I mean, I think he does now. I think it's purely, uh, he says he's been working for a while, right, Elders? And I think it's, yeah, you go at him as a man, like, just as a guy. It's not a boss, like, underling relationship. It's like, hey, man, you want to go get, literally take him to Buffalo Wildways. It's the Dane, it's the Dane, it's the Dane. It's the Dane, it's like, don't. But, it's the Dane, it's the Dane. It's like, don't. But, it's the Dane, it's the game. But,

Take him out for truly beer and wings, like classic bro shit. You got to get, you got to get real patriarchal with it right now. Yeah, he's bro bonding. This is like. Cave man shit. Yes, this is like, truly watch football, eat wings and be like, everything all right, man. And then like, that's, that softens him up. That's, you put the ice cold butter on the counter and let it thaw out a little bit.

Then you come back, spread it out a little more. You know what I mean? He goes, man, I was going to do this. I was about to kill everybody. And he goes, Yeah. Have you tried the Parmesan garlic? Yeah, Parm garlic.

What an innovation. When Parm garlic wings came around, I'm 14, fat as shit, and I'm going to fucking Thursday nights for two for one. Oh, some of my finest memories as a boy. Oh, Korean barbecue for me was the one where I went. Oh, yeah.

Barbecue hit Korea. Dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh, dude. I just remember.

Korean barbecue, fuck me up. Being in high school and like literally Buffalo Wildlings watching UFC events. Yeah. When they weren't really training, it was like just the guy with the most, like the guy with the most who was born with so much CTE, it didn't make a difference if he got hit in the head or not. Or my favorite part was when they just realized like, oh, if you have any wrestling background, you can beat everybody. But this is before that. Yeah. This was like, you're talking about when they were wearing karate geese.

Yeah. No, it was like it's like the, the, um, the Tito Ortiz era, the like, Chuck Liddell brawlers. These 40s were their sponsor on the side. I mean, yeah. So my stepdad, we ordered the first UFC because it was in Denver. So there was a lot of local press. That was cool because that was the one where they fought every type of style. Yeah, but dude, it was so wild.

There was like a guy with one boxing glove. Yeah, one boxing glove. They couldn't have both because he had to grab them. And the guy's getting hit and he's like, great. I'm going to claw your eyes out. You used to have a great joke back in the day about UFC. It was like they watched wrestling and they go, why don't we just do this for real?

Yeah, yeah. Everyone's like, why would I watch wrestling? This is awesome. They're really fighting. I still think that. I'm like, how could this possibly survive? But then I watched. People like Dan.

Yeah. Who faced their father so much. And they watched wrestling one time when they were four. And it was the only good memory. First off, it's, I loved wrestling because I love the theatrics of it. And I loved, my father had nothing to do with wrestling. Gary could fuck all the way off on that. No, you're right.

Wrestling was my love. My stepdad wanted, we both wanted to watch UFC. And then I ordered it and I felt like a giant pussy. because the second it got real, I went like, oh! I was like nine years old. I was like,

oh, whoa, and I liked boxing, but for some reason, boxing with the gloves seemed less barbaric. Then watching a guy, the first five of guys, tooth got kicked out.

And Ken Shamrock was in that, too. Or did the second one? He was in the first one. He was, yeah, because, yeah, Hoyst Gracie won the first one.

Yes. But the first one, a fat sumo wrestler gets kicked in the face by a Russian guy and a tooth flies out and I looked at my stepdad, and I was like, yeah, buddy, this isn't pro wrestling.

That was all. They got to throw salt in his eyes. At any moment, his friend will run in and stop him. Yeah, yeah, the referee. Oh, the referee had his back turn. That's my favorite wrestling thing. It's like, it's on the biggest screens in the world. My favorite thing is how easy a ref can get knocked out for so long.

Yeah, yeah. Just bump into him and he goes. Missing a whole arena cheer. Yeah. So, yeah, maybe by the, because we had it on DVD. buy UFC one on DVD and then watch it with your boss get him drunk get him drunk I'll tell you what and this is from two former boozebags get him a drunk cry oh that's a reset yeah that's four years of therapy that's holding down your power button on your fucking laptop he's got the red circle

of death let's blow into it try and restart it either that or he has to fucking kill himself yeah which drunk cry though yeah drunk cry's nice good luck sorry this guy got cucked what else we got Oh, oh, holy crap. Oh, no. It's not, put on the twisted hat, Joe. Joe. It's the motherfucking, it's the motherfucking, it's the motherfucking, it's the motherfucking fucked up Twisted question of the week.

This feels like Wainsworld. This feels like Wainsworth and you're drinking Pepsi. And now Joe's in all the Reebok like Garth. Holy crap, it's time for the fucked up-up-ass question of the fucking week. Brought to you by Twisted Tea. This is so funny. This is your sponsorship. This is so funny.

Eldish, what's the fucking fucked up question this week? This is crazy. Hi, Aldous, hi, guests. Love you in such a normal way. I have a question about this upcoming football season and how to handle a little bit of a situation with some season tickets.

Interesting. So my husband and I have been married for a battle together and own property and I mentioned that in and of itself, and the economy makes divorce complicated. And so the reason that we would be looking towards divorce is because he has unfortunately downloaded some apps that you would not expect a married man to have. Nothing has been physical, but there's just... That really grinds my gears hearing about that.

I bet this guy really grinded her down with his new app. You, man, finding out your husband's into cock, that sucks so bad. Now, this is quite a twisted question, eldest, so I'll give you that. Wait, do you think it's cock? I think so. Yeah, you're right. It could be Tinder.

Yeah, Tinder. Let's listen. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Ashley Madison. Not exactly a married man to have. Nothing has been physical, but there's just been conversations with people who, hey, aren't me. So it's not a same.

One of those conversations did include him telling a, girl about our season tickets and sending her a picture from our seats while. Oh my. This is worse than raw dogging her. Dude, that was being twisted. This guy kept it way too motherfucking twisted. Cheating

and bringing your shared season tickets into it. Look, I can understand you slip up, you want some pussy. That's not good. Thank you, brother. I was going to ask you. I've been meaning to ask you off mic. Is that twisted or is that straight?

That's, that is under, like, I don't think you should do it, but I get it. But to cheat to the level where you're showing the yard line view, you're like, look, we're at the 50 yard line. Perfect seats. That's crazy. You might as well show her your TV and the surround sound. Yeah. This is what I watch my TV on. Yeah, you might as well, like, personal.

That's so fucked up. Have your, have your mistress meet your child. Like, it's crazy. And what, let's let her finish them. about our season tickets and sending her a picture from our seats while I was with him last season. With her him.

So the thing is, we're dealing, we're dealing with it, but the season tickets are in my name. Hell yeah. So this is a team that was historically really bad and has been very successful and is pretty consistently a part

of the Super Bowl conversation. Chiefs. Fuck you, lady. Fuck you and your husband actually. It would be like a rough thing to just yank those. tickets away from him and I'm trying to figure out the best kind of way to get a little petty get back obviously none of this is healthy none of this is ideal yes it is what we do what we do

with the life that we have this is totally healthy so the things that I'm kind of considering here selling the tickets just outright getting rid of them no no I enjoy football I'm a big fan the tickets are obviously no no you're hurting yourself no um but little money back in the pocket never heard anybody option to taking anyone and everyone take a bunch of family, anything that I could, just to have somebody with me with our kids every week. Option three, he gets to come to some of the games or all of the games, but I get to have the good time every week. There's probably more options within that.

There's probably an option where I react like an adult, but I thought this was an interesting thing that you could help me ponder. I'm glad you called us. I love you so much. Guest, I love you and all that you are. eldest I love you no matter what anybody says about you I appreciate you guys have a great day this poor woman is so emotionally distraught

yeah I feel sad for her I think eldest should fuck her right before he has his kid just to you know show that guy I didn't show that it that wouldn't show because it's what look if you fuck it's one thing to cheat on someone with a podcast that's pathetic enough but to cheat on someone with a podcast producer oh that's tough getting cucked by a

producer. I'd never do that, but I don't think that would be pathetic at all. I think that'd be fucking awesome. Held is standing up for his guild. You're going to unionize all the producers. Let's see these. You know what we call them behind their backs? We call them front of cameras. Let's see these front of cameras do any of this goddamn shit without it. These on-cam rifers. Yeah. This is tough. This is sad. It made me a little emotional. Yeah, that bummed me out.

It made me regret some of the questions I've been making lately. Joe's just thinking. Because I got a girl in every port. Right, of course, of course. I know that about you. You're a sex maniac. I think you bring it. If the divorce goes through and you are divorced,

I wonder how many tickets she has. She has a full season ticket, right? Yeah, but what does that mean? Two. Oh, two. Yeah, definitely two. Two. Bring the new boyfriend actively.

Yeah. Have, first off. bring the funnest guy. Totally. A guy that will win over everyone around him. I'm the guy. Make out with him at the game. Yeah, a little spooch.

And then the next time you're a story posts with you with a guy. Yeah. Like you have to, I don't think you're petty. I don't think you're being petty at all. Yeah. This is insane. I would rather someone send a picture of your, if I'm this woman, I'd rather this guy send his cock than the shared season tickets together.

Because that's carnal. Yeah. That's all physical. That's car and a world. You go, baby, I want to fuck. Here's my penis. You don't go. Here's my thing I love.

I love. Now, how can we be sure what she did to bring this on? Right. We're only hearing one song. Right, right, right. You never know. Maybe she was abandoning her wifely duties. Yeah, this guy could call back in and say, hey, the ditches a pile.

This is a pile of... Joe, you're keeping it a little too twisted right now. Remote batteries are missing. She's got very loud opinion. Yeah. She sometimes reads. I don't like any of that. How about the balls to take a photo and send it to your girlfriend next to your wife?

It's a level of horny that I don't think I've ever been. Totally. Where you go. That's like middle school horny. Yeah, you go, risk. I'll do whatever. I'll do whatever. I'll do whatever.

Please, please, please, please, please. Please look at this. Sure. Do you like this? I like this. Yeah. Who's next to you? Don't worry, she's fucking dead.

Yeah. To clarify, it is like, it doesn't sound like he actually cheated. And it sounds like they are working on. I mean, you know, he was on dating apps. Wait, wait. Didn't she say they're getting divorced? Orced or no? No, she said they were like they're not getting divorced because of the complications of owning

property and having kids, et cetera, et cetera. And she didn't quite say that he actually cheated other than messaging bills. Bro, he's on a dating act. No, I know. And also it's like, do we even believe that? At some point, he might have kept it very twisted and got his dick sucked on the sneak. You know what I mean? Like, who knows?

And I would say, it's such a fucked up thing to do this when football season is right around the corner. The air is turning. There's a nice chill. It's a romantic time of year, the fall. Sweeps me up. Well, you want to do a good marriage. What they like to do, crack open, get together, crack open a couple twisted teas and reflect on how much you love each other. But what your husband is doing is giving away your tickets when he hasn't even gotten head. That's even worse. That he didn't even get sucked off when he's ready. Yeah, because if you would have gotten a universally great blowjob And she's like, I've been a part of Chief's kingdom for my whole life. And he goes, you should see my seats.

They're fucking crazy. Now, how did she read these messages? She's snooping? Right. Great point, Joe. This bitch be snooping? You're great, great, great point. Also, I want to know if she ever brings up the fact that they didn't call holding in the

Chief's 49er Super Bowl, even though that Chief's offensive line was just mugging our entire front seven. That's a question I would like her to answer. That's a great, great question. I think, look, if this guy, if you caught him cheating and he involved the season tickets, minimum one year he has lost his season ticket privileges. I would go as far as, yeah, that's good. A full season including player. You have a suspension.

And then depending on his behavior, the next year, we start to fold them back in. And listen, all of us, Ravens Nation, Patriots, 49ers, we can all agree, fuck the chiefs. But they are going to be good again this year. Yeah. Because the universe is mean. Oh, you know what it is? you he gets the tickets if like Mahomes blows his knee out. Yes.

Like something horrible happens, you keep the tickets until they're bad again and then he gets them again. I think that's totally fair. Bad season they get him. He can go when they're bad again. Isn't they kind of suck last year? Yeah, he blew his knee out.

They didn't even, by the way, he blew his knee out after they already were out of the place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they were like still in the picture and they were like, whatever. Yeah, but all my homies hate the chiefs. Of course, fuck the chiefs, obviously. But I would say you just,

you definitely get. them this year, if you're going to keep, like, you have all the power here. The fact that she is like, like, being demure about punishing her possibly cheating husband. Also, might turn him on. Yeah, that's true. If she's like, should I punish you? And he's like, oh, this is fucking hot. Please, I want to see.

I want to see a game. I can please let me watch it. Please, mistress, let me watch. Oh, please. I'm just a bug. I'm just a fucking bug. Stuff on my nuts in a Raiders jersey. Oh, fuck.

I'm a stupid raiders. I was trying to raid some other pussy. Ride me like a bronco. It's all AFC West stuff. Yeah, absolutely. And I think you should be able to, here's what you do. You go to the games with like a very attractive gay man.

He doesn't know he's gay. And you take a picture and you bait him. So he's like, what the fuck? You're going with a guy. What I did, you're doing it worse. And then you're like, he's fucking gay, you piece of shit. Fuck you. And then you and the gay guy crack open some Twitter.

twisted teas, slurp them down, and your husband can, you know, suck your dick as far as I'm concerned. I would say, think about divorce, sister. At least, this guy's on thin ice. At least, don't completely, don't completely get it out of the picture. But he kept it much too twisted, and we are sorry that happened to you. That's so funny. But also, but also, he's on thin ice tea. and also fuck the chiefs, and that'll do it for us, folks. Thank you very much. Also, that's really funny to the thought of this guy. Hold on, let's fucking, oh, oh, oh, back to normal. Oh, shit.

The idea, you can stay twisted. It is a great hat, actually. It looks like the fan of the Joker. The idea, yeah, oh, I like fucked up shit. The idea of him messaging this woman, like, in his car, you know, he's parked at a Walmart. But then that stinger playing where he goes, yeah, I got a nice. seat and then it's like, that's twisted. And he goes, oh, fuck, I'm sorry, I'm horny.

Cheating's twisted. Keep it twisted. It's like, bha-uh. And he's like, uh-oh, I'm thinking about leaving my family. That is wildly twisted. That sounds like the voice from this is a deep cut, but let's get rocked by Def Leopard opens with, do you want to get wrong? I just, you were negative three years ago.

I was, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if somebody played it, it'd be like, whoa. Yeah. I agree. I cut the fucking shit out of that. Sorry, no, no, I fucked up. I got a weird text while you were saying that and I just looked at it. I'm sure I would have crushed.

Hold on. I'm just enjoying absolutely Joe bailing on that. Joe goes that and then you look down, he goes, that fucking suss. If you heard it though, you'd be like, whoa. Holy fuck, that's so true, Joe. Do you want to get rock? Do you want to get right? Keep it twisted.

Oh, I thought that was it. It was like a toadip. Yeah. It's just the same thing. No, I just did a that generic. That is like a generic kind of like, you know, scumb bad, like radio, scum, that.

You're listening to that. It's Def Leopard, want to get rock. Let's get rocked. Wait, Def Leopard or Twisted Sister? Def Leopard. Okay. You're just thinking of Twisted T. I was.

I literally, that's how fucking stupid I am. Let's hear it. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. I mean, granted, I haven't heard the song in 35 years. Yeah, but you know what? Triggered something in there. Good recall.

Thank you. What was the, did you ever, like, what was a song going on when you were getting jacked off? for the first time. Getting jacked up? What were you listening to? Either one. I got sucked off to the NCAA college tournament

for the first time. Really? It was like round one. Renshining moment. It was in my mom's friend's house. Then, thank you for having an incredible answer to a really bad question. You failed me out, brother.

Because I remember putting it on, I was cat sitting for my, I was like feeding my mom's friend's cat. Love it. So I just had access to this lady's house who was on vacation? Love that. And then the, like, the girl that, you know, gave me a blowjob was like, I was like, oh, can you take me to this place?

I got to feed the cat. Yeah. And then I put on the TV and it was round like, it was like the second round. It was like the round of 32. They were like sitting there. And then all of a sudden it was like, I did the thing where you're like, have no game. So you just go like, try kissing her. And then gave me a pro blow job.

That was the first one. First one I ever got. Do you remember who was playing? No. No. But I remember going home and being like, to my mom's boyfriend being like, I could connect with you. but I don't like you. But I don't like, oh, that would have been awesome.

Go home and go, I just got my dick. Yeah, dude. I hope, I hope. 15. I hope one day Marty comes home and is like, Dad, I just got my dick sucked. I hope so, too. Would you feel cool?

If he'd tell you that, would you be awesome? Depends on the age. He's 10 or 40. He's got back from Catholic school? 35. It happened. Yeah, is he nine? I mean, if he was like, yeah.

What's the youngest you'd be pumped to hear about? That's a good question. Maybe. 16 maybe. I was going to say 16. 16. 15's a little... 15 you go, I mean, I was smoking at 12.

That's true. That is kind of sick. Yeah, yeah. I think 16's safe, though. 16 is nice and safe. Maybe if he has a growth, maybe he's a really big kid at 15, who knows. But I'll tell you this.

I got what was his name locked and loaded. Yeah. He's getting that. Oh, man. He's getting that. That's so good. And I hope one day either eldest's child or... And so I hope somebody

gets to use that on that. Dad, I got a blowjob. What was his name? Stuff like that is literally the only reason I, I hear stuff like that. I'm like, fuck, I should have kids. Yeah. That makes me want to switch my decision. Yeah.

Maybe I can't talk Katie. Getting your kid with what's his name. He doesn't even know about what's his name. It's going to be the funniest thing in the world. Imagine you hear what's his name for the first time. But it's not funny anymore. Now the kids are very spiritually gender stuff. When we were boys, you'd be like, hey, what are you gay?

He'll be like, oh, no. woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He won't be like, ah, can you imagine? Well, like, oh, that's great. I think it might, I agree with you that, like, we're at a time now where it's not funny, but I think it will turn all the way around where it's like, but not in an offensive way and like, oh, that's hilarious. It's like, that's not what I am. That's fun. Right. Like, it's, like, if he was gay and he was like, I just got it, you're like, what's her name? It would still hit, I would think. Right, right. You know what I mean? Like, I think by the time he's around. He goes, dad, stop. Dad stop. You know, it's a guy.

You know it's the guy. Dad, you know it's my boyfriend. You met him. Eldous Jr. You're like an idiot. Dad. Eldis Jr. sucked me off. And he goes, we did the snake eating his own tail.

Yeah, actually, I'm, I hope to be able to hit a gay nephew of mine with what's her name. He's like wearing earrings. Oh, my God. I'm not straight. Job Rose. Stop it. I'm open. That's a good, that's the, that's what progressive is. Those are the kind of jokes progressivism could give us, folks. Hit us with another fucking little call, L.D.

Bobby, baby. How we doing? So, I got a situation. I'm 27. I've been hooking up with this 42 year old. The hottest woman I've ever talked to. Nice. 42 years old. At the beginning, me a great hey. Let's have fun. That's serious. Then, you know, month or two after, start going on little dates, here and there. Every other night. And now she's talking about, oh, hey, why can I meet your mom and your family? Ooh. Can't date you?

Hmm. Because, you know, you're 42 without being mean saying he's old. I mean, that is what you're saying. If I want to start, family, she's 42. I can't have my wife be fucking 51 when my kid's 20 and I'm 40, you know? But, yeah, man, I'm sorry. So break up with her. Let her know, hey.

you're a little bit, like, you know, too old for me. So, like, he's having fun. No. You don't, you don't get to have both, you fucking asshole. How do I get it properly without Simon to dick and making this one feel like she's, like, she's not big, but she's old. And that's it.

Love the pod. Love you. Love Elvis. What a fucking scumbag. Because it's the hottest woman he's ever been with. She gives insane head. She clearly likes him. And it's like, you know, what are the odds that I also,

like, sometimes I think, Like, I could date an older woman if she's still going to die after me. I'm dying quick. You know, I would do the math of like, how healthy are you? How does she keep, does she stay in shape? Because you're thinking, well, I'm going to outlive her, obviously. Women will live longer. You never know.

And this guy doesn't sound like he's healthy. No, he sounds like a fucking idiot for sure. You know what I hear? A young Padwan. Yeah, absolutely. Because as someone that used to date older women, I've been in this situation many times. Hit us with it. Because when I was like in my 20s,

older women liked me more than younger women. Older women were like, yeah. And also, use car versus new car. Sure. Use car, you can get a better one if you go to the lot. Absolutely. You know? Oh, yeah, an old school with some character.

Oh, my God. Awesome. And also, and you go, the pickup on this, that's that head. Oh, yeah. You go, that fucking head is good. Well, they don't make them like this anymore. Yeah.

But it's a rental. It's not an owner. You can't. You are, you're literally just gonna have to shut it all down. Exactly. And that's really the answer. It's like you're sort of being agist here

because you're treating you're different. If a girl your age that you didn't want to, basically all the question is, is I'm seeing a woman who I want to have a fling with. Yes. And she wants to take it to the next level. Yes. You thinking that you can just, because she's 42, be like, obviously I still want head from you, but you're a decry-

I'll give you this young penis. In 10 years, your fucking pussy's going to have cobwebs in it. I don't want to be, I don't want that. Cryptkeeper pussy. Yeah, I don't... Ah, it turns out this bowler became a soft one. Oh, fuck. A tail of no longer coming.

After this, don't bust in your pants. You've got the best of it. The best of it is behind you. It's over. It's done. She just... By the way, you're going to slap your dick around to that for the next 30 years. 100%.

Especially when you're old and you get tits like Joe and I. And you go, I remember being a young, tight body. Older women going like, ooh, oh, you're so firm. That's interesting. Do you guys feel like there's a, do you think about when your sexual prime was? It's past me, I know that. But do you have like a moment where you're like, fuck, I was laying it down? Dude, honestly, I think I had albums.

Yeah. I think I had albums. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think like, dude. You went around a three album run? 24 to 27, we were like the Stones in 72. Ew. And then it's like, and then late 30s, I put out a mature album.

Yeah. But everyone went, this rocked down. Just you and a guitar, black and white. Put it rocked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone went, I have, man. And then. Oh, Soder's back.

Yeah. And then now I'm just playing the carnival circuit. Playing the three hits. You're fucking, who's the guy that they keep parading out there? Frankie Valley. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, ooh. And he's just like.

Yeah. I'm fucking scorpions. I'm describing just Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck, you like a hurricane. And don't forget to ride the Ferris wheel. I'm still fucking well. I got to tell you.

Well, here's the thing. In my 20s, I wasn't getting laid regular. Right. So now I got some regular puss. Right. And who's much older. Much older than this lady. My wife's 48.

She looks unbelievable. Nobody believes that she's that age. So you got at least 10 more years of this old bag. be fucking her. Yeah. 42. He's got six more years. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, yeah. Yes. I think you just, this is just over, man. You, like you would have hoped that, go ahead.

It just feels like every time we have like noodles in the fridge and I go, hey, these noodles from last Friday. And Katie goes, I wouldn't eat those. Yeah. That's what it feels like

we're telling them right now is he goes, hey, this pussy ahead in the fridge for like four weeks ago. Because I'm thinking it's still, see, we have different opinions here.

I'm sniffing the noodle the pussy noodles are like, oh yeah, put a little saracho on there, you know, put a little, belt a little cheese in there, making you, make some buffalo mac and cheese, cut up some fucking chicken tenders in there. I'm saying you can make a nice meal out of this. Treat this woman's pussy like a chopped basket, you know what I mean? And really, and really liven it up. Yeah.

But I, I'm saying, like, it doesn't matter that she's older, you just don't want to date her, and you don't get to keep fucking her because she's old. She's not going to be like, oh, okay, of course. Of course you don't see me as an equal human. 27 and 42, that's what, 15 year difference? It flips the other way all the time. You know what I'm saying? Also, older women do rock.

Yeah. Yeah. I just think this guy's- If you're dating older woman, it fucking can, it really. I've had some major regrets letting go some of the older women. So that's what I would tell you is if you actually do like her, try it. Because there's been times where I nervously was like, I can't do this. And then like now, I'm like, man, it would have been kind of cool to date her for a year.

Of course. Of course. And that's the other thing. Dating doesn't necessarily mean like the fight. You might be, you might actually seriously date her and be like, you know what? Fuck it. I love this. Like, you can give it a go.

But I will say don't do it because this guy clearly doesn't. Yeah, he doesn't want anything with her. And if you don't want anything serious, then it's, you just got to quickly get out of there. Yeah, let her go on to a guy that will appreciate it. She's running out of time for God's. For real. That's true. You're kind of, it's fucked.

up if you if you lead her on if you feel this way. Yeah, you're running the ball in the fourth quarter and you're down. Yeah, yeah. I go, what are you doing? Come on. Throw the ball. Throw it. Yeah, dude, you just got to get out of there.

And, uh, you know, I, my question to him is like, if the girl was his age, are you in a point in your life where you want a relationship? Mm. Is it just a general relationship problem? Is it just an old, you know, the age gap? Also the, whatever young girl he hooks up with after he's going to be a, that's a painful reality with those teeth are hitting that dick. Absolutely.

After his foreskin gets scraped, he's fucking knocking on that assisted living facility. I don't care if you have to interrupt Matt. Myrtle! Oh, so that's your dog's name? It is an old lady's name. Yeah, absolutely. He's fucking my dog. I go, don't let him up.

The story of the transforming camera. What happens when a penis goes sharp? Yeah, dude. So whatever. Let's do another one. and then we'll get these boys out of here. Yo, Stav. For a little bit of context here, I'm 34,

live in the Midwest, small town, relatively successful guy, married to kids. Beautiful. My wife and I have been together. What if this is the season ticket guy? He goes anyways, my wife's a bitch. I just met a girl. My wife was fucking around on the side.

Words like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it really is. like if you like pinia colada song the whole time they're called this night plays two kids my wife and I've been together

mostly since high school we were broken up for a few years in college but whatever that's good but here's my question man so my wife she just doesn't have any

friends and I feel like she holds it against me that I do have friends and do things with them. So basically I have some hobbies, right, normal hobbies for a middle-aged guy. I play golf. I hunt and fish a little bit. But it just always seems to be an issue whenever I go to play golf or whenever anything

happens, like, oh, you get all this time away, blah, blah, blah. And I'm always watching the kids. Well, I tell her, like, hey, I will watch your kids. will stay at home, just go do something. Yeah. But she never asked and she never has anything to do. I've tried to include her in like my friend group, but she hates all the wives of all my boys. That's tough.

That's tough. That doesn't work. That's all. I don't know, man. It's just like, it crosses this issue constantly where, you know, she feels like, you know, once a year, I go off for one weekend on a, on a boys golf trip. that seems like when it always pops up like oh you got this whole weekend off blah blah blah and i'm like go take a weekend right go do something right but she just never does and at the heart of the problem is she just doesn't really have any friends um i guess I should have mentioned her job

she stays at home and uh runs a daycare out of our home oh wow I work for Jesus Christ dude um You know, just a bullshit corporate America middle management job. We do decently, like, our finances aren't really a problem, you know, and otherwise, we're very happy. You know, our kids are great. What's your phone bill? You know, we have two daughters and everything is pretty good. A nice snappy one to end the episode, Elders. It reared its ugly head a couple times a year.

It's third day. She gets really in her feelings about I'm leaving. Right. And it's like, I don't know. it, right? There's not much else to go here. I mean, he said the problem, 45 minutes. Maybe you're a long-winded asshole and your wife doesn't want to hang out with you and your shit friends.

Does your friend's wives tell stories like you do? Right. For God's sake. No, he, man, that's a tough. I've lived this. I know how it is, you know, sometimes. In the past, not now. My wife has friends.

But, yeah, it's tough and it's frustrating. And you try to be like, come along. But you're hunting. The guy's out hunting. Come along is definitely not Not the way. But maybe the two of you need to go do a thing. That's great. Go to the spa.

Go to fucking play volleyball together. Get in the effort to get hers. That's the answer. Or you'll be her friend. He nailed it. I love that. Get the kids away. Yeah.

Get the kids away. Go do something. Also, if she has a family member, a lot of times women that don't have friends, they have a cousin that they're close to. They have a sister that they're close to. Yeah. Fly her in. Fly her out there.

Or do the thing where you go, listen, this weekend, I'm taking the kids, the eighth and the ninth. You're going to go with Tiffany. There's no, I'm not taking no for an answer. Yeah. Just go. You actually have to make her go do it. Yeah. I think, yeah, my, I didn't consider that.

That's an awesome. This is the perspective of fucking guys in actual relationships and not a fat moron with very limited life experience. But like I would have said, hey, just you have to almost. Because it sounds like this weekend sneaks up on her. I think part of it is like, you kind of almost have to like portion out the weekends and be like, hey, I'm taking the kids figure out what you want to do now. You know what I mean? Like I think there can be certain weekends that are like or even buy something for a take her to a, you know, she wants to do a concert. Get her tickets to go with her cousin or whatever the fuck.

But if he's saying she doesn't even have one person, that's a little tough. That might be a bigger problem. And that's another. I would say the fact that she hates all your friends' wives, there is. something weird there. There's not even one. Because if you just do the math, these are people that you're friends with.

So you like these guys. Right. And these are the women that they've fallen in love with. Right. Which is a reflection of who they are. Exactly. So it's like, does that, and look, I get not liking even the majority

of your significant others, you know, friends. I'm surprised Katie likes any of my friends. Yeah, yeah. Katie's the best. But, but like, I understand, But like even in that situation, there's usually factions. There's usually like these two hang out and these five don't. And like the fact that she's the odd one out to me says either she's, there's something

wrong with her or there's something wrong with your friends. There is something to interrogate there as to why there's not even one wife she hits it off with. But I like the idea where you guys, because ultimately she's mad she doesn't get to have fun. Right. So if that's a great idea, Joe, where it's like just now, she must. might be like, well, what the fuck? You get double the weekends off.

But I think you can start, you can just dedicate a couple weekends and then say, hey, I want to, I want to have my weekend where I'm away, where I watch the kids, and I want you to have your weekend where you watch the kids. And then we're going to have another third type of weekend where we bring someone in and we do something awesome. And then listen, if you can sneak in a little like, maybe you would do a staycation and you do like some kind of activity. Yeah.

Like, I don't know, just off the top of my head, like some bullshit cooking class. Like, try and do a cup. When you have those weekends off, try and figure out something where she might meet someone. Well, I also feel like these kind of relationships, which are all great and like natural and healthy. You met in high school, took a couple years apart, got back together. You guys have just grown into these roles where you forgot how to be like young and fun and interesting.

You're 34. You're still fucking. That's a great point. You're still young. So have some fun with her. Have an old school date week. Because it is fun. It's like, and sometimes,

this goes for all relationships. You just need to do that sometimes. Totally. And be open when the other person says it. Katie was like, we never go to the movies anymore. I was like, let's go the movies.

Totally. What are we going to go see this weekend? I love that. And you're like, bam. And listen, and maybe, look, clearly she's not into the shit. You do you golf, hunt, fish, whatever. Can you meet her halfway?

Sure. Can you, whatever her shit is? Like, you know, does she like to shoot a Barbie doll or some shit? Yeah, comb a doll's hair. Teach me how to cook a dish. Take a souffle. That's literally what I said, by the way. I said cooking class.

I literally did make a Texas joke. You go, maybe, I don't know, maybe you see how good she is at vacuuming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I mean, yeah, is there some shit that you don't love that you can survive a weekend at the museum or like just some event she wants to go to, some concert? I don't fucking know. But yeah, start folding it in with her having fun. Just make sure she has fun even if you're there. And then just be like, listen, decide that like four months in advance.

be like, I am going to this thing. I will take this weekend. I want you to watch kids there. You pick a weekend. You can even just be in the other room and watch TV. But you have to sort of equal, because I think two things are bothering her. That it's not equal,

that he gets more fun than her, like whatever, that she always watches the kids. And that she just doesn't have fun. And you need to rectify both of those things. And I think you start with what your guys are saying, date nights, more shit that she's having a good time. Eat her ass from behind. Eat her ass from behind.

Oh my God and go. We didn't go to high school together. I, it reminds me of what I used. When you were broken up, you fucking holy. Tell me about it. I remember when I used to wait tables and I would close lunch with another waiter,

they would always get mad because I smoked cigarettes. So I'd go, I'm going to go outside and smoke a cigarette. And they'd be like, well, what the fuck? I don't get a break. Right, right. And finally I had to go like, go look at your phone. I'll watch the section.

Have seven minutes of phone looking. That's what I did. And that was like back when, this is like, 08 when like smartphones came a thing. Fresh. And I go, go look at your phone outside. It's just, I'll, you don't, you're not smoking, but. Yeah, go beat your dick in the bathroom.

I don't care. And I think you have to do a little of that. And by the way, completely rectified it. Totally. Because they were just like, oh, yeah, cool. Yes. Yeah. So good luck, you know, I do.

I am very curious about this friend group, though. I kind of want to know what his friends are like. Is she just like doesn't jive culturally? Or she calls it and she goes, you have no idea about these bitches. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They suck. Yeah. They married a bunch of bims.

Yeah. It's a bunch of some Steppford-wife shit. But, you know, whatever. Good luck. Use some of that corporate America middle manager money to buy your wife some nice stuff and some experiences. And, you know, it's good that you're communicating at least. This guys at least has this. A lot of guys who hunt fish and play golf would be like, she fucking nags me dumb.

You know what I mean? You're at all right to start. Yeah, yeah. Fuck it. Bitch. And you go, whoa. Speed. talk to her.

Yeah, brother, good luck. Good luck out there. And thank you to everybody who listened. Fellas, thank you so much for coming on for this. Love the new studio. Thank you. Yeah, this is awesome. I love you guys so much.

Truly, I wanted to have you guys on the special release week because it's like you for real, if you guys don't, aren't nice to me when I first moved to New York, my life is so bad. Like, you guys were like the lighthouse for me. When you first move here and you get no stage time, you're not past anywhere. Like, you know, I was living in a windowless room. Eldis was doing much better than me in life, right? This is the kind of shit I had to deal with.

And you guys were so fucking nice to me in a way that was like even, obviously we all knew Bobby and we were like the Bobby coaching tree. Yeah. And it's absolutely what it was. And it was the like Bobby support system too of like you guys be like, don't worry. You're actually kind of lucky. He's actually been to therapy now. You know what I mean?

Like we were having a conversation. I remember calling you when you did 30 shows in like 30 days of them. them. And I go, I bet you're getting screamed out a lot. And you go, how did you know this? And I go, brother, because we all played for this. We all coached under him. We've all ran a film room. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, like, I remember, like, I remember when, when, like, I first moved and weed pens had just come out. And you hit, we were driving to, like, you wanted to get specifically wolf nights. You remember that era of them? Yes. It was specific, in the Lower East Side. We were living in Astoria. Yeah, Rivington.

You drove. I'm, like now I'm in, I'm in downtown and I pass it all time and I smile. Yeah. Dude, I just remember being so pumped to hang and being like, and also not wanting to think I was a bitch and like hitting the gas and being so high the entire hang and being like fuck Dan Soder thinks I'm a fucking idiot. No, dude, I was getting, I was getting crazy strong vapes from Colorado. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That I had to put down. And they didn't have them anywhere else and like and just fucking. It's like 2015. I was hanging out in Astoria. Like, yeah, it was 20, it was literally 2015. It was 2015. It was Obama was president when you guys literally took me under your wing, helped me out so much. Joe, when you invited me to your wedding, I was like, holy fuck, Joe likes me as much as I like Joe. It was literally a moment in my, like truly, this is on purpose that I had you guys. Because I, of all the guys, and, you know, we have a ton of people have been awesome to me.

But you guys really held it down when I was like, wanted to kill myself when I first moved. What's crazy is I remember even Nick, I remember Nick opening, he was featuring for me at Boston, at Laugh, Boston. And we were driving back, like Saturday night through the night because I wanted to, you know, get back to Astoria. And I remember him going, Stav and I are going to do a podcast and I don't really care about it. I just want the logo to look like cum. That was literally what he said to me. And then the next thing, you know, it's like, cum town's like the biggest thing in the world. I mean, the funniest thing of all times.

It was, but I remember him specifically going, Stav and I are going to do a podcast and all I care about is making the logo look like. I know. I remember that error too because I was like, yeah, dude. I remember being like, yeah, Nick, what, like, because Mullen, I met him, dude, when it was. You guys are D.C., right? He had, he was like truly, he was, he, his plan was, he left Austin was planning to come to Maryland to kill himself. He was, his plan was to drink himself to death in Baltimore.

And I met him at the sidebar open mic. And he was, and I was like, I was like, I thought it was a new open micer. And I was like, this guy just started doing comedy and he's so fucking, I was like, well, I'm never going to make it. And then he reveals he had been in Montreal. He was already like, working for like 10. And they could start doing 10, but 17. And I was like, oh, thank God.

Like I was like, I thought, oh, this is how funny you have to be. That was the reverse of like when I moved in New York and someone was like, John Mullaney's your age. And I went, I'm going to kill myself. Right. But yeah, that was so, I mean, I remember that fucking era. And then Nick being like, let's do a podcast. And me being like, dude, podcasts are over.

Because I was like, I was like, Marin already did it. Comedy bang, bang, all this shit. I was like, it's never going to work. And then he's like, but what if we make it jizz? And I was like, yeah, whatever, man. Just let's fucking do it. And I was like, wait, we've been doing that for several years. Where are the cum guy?

These new guys come in and they take the cum market right from under us. You fucked up not making it the logo, Drew. Yeah. Should have just made it. Tuesdays with Jee's and Gump, yeah. Tis days with pussy. Jizz.

Oh. Jizz days with cum stains? I gotta go. It's fucking late. But anyway, that's enough reminiscing and modeling and the episode. Uncle Stav on Netflix right now.

Thank you so much. And go see the boys live, truly, the best comics in the fucking country. We love you guys, and we will see you next week. Bye-bye. Watch the special, please.