Stavvy's World - #200 - Kam Patterson

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

Kam Patterson joins the pod to discuss growing up in Orlando, how it's hard to be a thug when you live near Disney, putting his grandma on blast at her 60th birthday, policing the star player on the basketball team for not practicing hard enough, how Al Pacino is still popping off and having kids old AF, and much more. Kam and Stav help callers including a guy who's wondering if he should tell his girlfriend he hooked up with an old friend of hers in the past, and a Black who loves Greek food but whose favorite restaurant is racist.See Kam Patterson live and follow him on social media:https://kampatterson.com/https://x.com/Guapedupkamhttps://www.instagram.com/kamsoofunny/https://www.youtube.com/@Kamsoofunny  https://www.tiktok.com/@kamsoofunny1Thanks to our sponsors!!Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW!Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!!☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!🎤 Watch Stav's new special Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld🎟️ See Stavvy live!! 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hopa! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 9-04-800-stop. Paul the Staviswold Hotline, sponsored by Visible. We'll solve all your problems, baby. And today, on the couch, very happy to have Cam Patterson. Cam, thank you for coming. Yeah, sir. Thanks for coming out. Florida's own.

Come on, man. West Orlando, so. Yeah, West Orlando. I didn't know. What's the Orlando West East Divide? Is it West East? Is it like, because Baltimore is very east and west Baltimore. There's no real north-south.

I mean, I guess southwest Baltimore. Is there like a, what's the divide in Orlando? How does it go? And is one of your rivals on the other side of town like Mickey Mouse? No, that's consistent. That's over there. That's not even in Orlando. Oh, interesting.

It's a big thing from me. It's pissing you off. Everyone thinks Mickey Mouse. Yeah. We got Universal. That's in Orlando. That's our shit. We fought on Universal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm cool with it. Yeah. I don't, I ain't really a big. Yeah. I realize I have to stop saying fuck Disney on a podcast. Because I mean, I would like to do maybe something in a one day.

But I've said fuck Disney. I said fuck this enough time. They're like, oh, put that nigga in that's a dog. Yeah, yeah. Don't give him no rose, man. You're really painting yourself into an NBC Universal Corner. Yeah, that's all like that. I see what's going on here.

This motherfucker's a fucking universal man. That's it. Car really, man. You go, yeah, you're right. Yeah, fuck Disney. As I realized. Yeah, fuck Disney. Fuck them over that, man.

Hell yeah. Well, I, yeah, I, uh, Cam's views on Disney or his own. I, uh, actually, have they done anything? What's the, has Disney put out a banger? They do shit. Toy Story 5, it's like... Did you see it? No, I didn't.

But it's like, five? The thing is, I love sequels to movies when they're shitty action movies or shitty horror movies. Yeah. When you get the 5, it's like, that can't be good. still? What's the plan? Four,

what's the last five that was really good? I would say, though. No one of the reason. Rocky five sucked dick. Yeah. Rocky four is incredible. I guess four,

Rocky Four is all. And then Creed is so good. I love Creed. But it kind of tops out at four. And then I recently watched Friday the 13th, eight and ten. Awesome,

because they're so bad, right? They're done, like one is on eight. They go to Manhattan. They sail a boat from Lake Pleasant or Lake Pleasant or Lake Pleasant or, what is?

When is it in front of the 13th? Placid. I'm a fucking, I'm going to be exposed as a fake horror. As a fake horror fan, which I am. My friends, I'm not a horror guy.

But they sail from there to Manhattan. From a lake in upstate New York to Manhattan. And they're like, at some points it feels like they're in the ocean. They're in the like, oh shit, it makes no sense. And then 10,

Jason is in space. That makes sense. The lake to man, that don't make no sense. That's in space. Yeah. That's good shit. I can see how they sold that too.

Yeah, yeah. Let me take some. I mean, it's a simple pitch. It's just that. Jason and Space. Your response was what those fucking executives were like. You're doing it. We have to get this done.

Hell yeah, dude. Yeah, no. But anyway, I don't know. Maybe Disney's falling off. Who knows? I haven't, I don't know. When's the last awesome new shit they've done? Man, I just hate the niggas always be like, oh, Orlando is dinner.

Because that is like our big thing. Sure. But it's like, but it's over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait. Because every time I've done gigs, it really feels like this. Like, even the hotels that aren't Disney, one time me and Elders stayed in the fucking, it was called like the Castle of Magic Hotel.

Yeah, it's like, it's clearly like 80 minutes from Disney and they're trying to trick like, like, like a thrifty mom or dad doing a vacation. Like, oh, we're staying at the castle magic. And it has nothing to do with Disney. No idea. They're close to me. No, yeah, definitely. It's so funny.

dude, yeah. But I get, so was that, yeah, that's kind, it is hard to, like, who's the biggest, like, like, who's the biggest, like, who's the biggest cool art? It's kind of hard to be cool when your city is Disney affiliate. Yeah, it's kind of, that's a hard hole you have to dig out of. It's hard to be like, bro, I'm a street nigga. Yeah. It's like, Mickey Mouse is like your neighbor. It's really tough. Like, nah, really like, like, niggas, I know, like Robin, like, do shit like, ah, but Mickey Mouse is like your dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really tough to be a street nigga when Mickey Mouse your home. When there's like on this, like the same corners you could sell drugs on, someone is selling

bootleg Disney merch on. There's a guy down, there's a street lamp shaped like Mickey Mouse. You can't be a, under the Daisy Duck. Under the light of Daisy Duck, you can't really sell crack. Like, God, damn, they make it really hard to be a thug, dog, dog. They make it so tough to be a real nigga. They don't know how hard they made it. It's really fucked up when they did.

Yeah, you guys are getting your lunch. I mean, I feel like South Florida's everybody, that's kind of like the Miami vibe. That's what everybody thinks of. And I mean, like, you know, what are even, is anybody like, do you have city pride or is there any good musicians that? Who's at Orlando? We got a hot boy. We had glitonite.

Oh, okay. And now that's, that's, that's, well. Do you, do you not, do you not fuck with anything? Like, do you claim Florida in general? Do you feel allegiance to Orlando specifically? Not claim Florida in general. Yes. But I'm not really like, you feel me, but the whole.

It dilutes the, yeah, as a whole. Yeah, yeah, as a whole. Because it's like, also it's like, we are insane. Totally. It's an insane state. It really is fucking crazy. It's the most, I remember we were driving through like back in the day before I even had like, you know, Elders being a tour.

It was like me. Actually, I was opening for Bobby. And we went to these like fucked up towns in Florida. And it was just like, you'll see an old white woman who truly sounds like Gucci Man. Yeah. Like, it's fucking. It'll just be like, she looks like a, like a, you know, a grandma and she just has the deepest others for all.

I'll tell you, what the fuck did that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Make a cooking some shit. Did you, so you, were you born and raised? Yeah, yeah. Okay, interesting. Hell yeah. I mean, you're pretty young, or how old are you?

27. Okay, yeah, yeah. So you went straight from, you went to Orlando and then did you move to Austin briefly before coming here? Yeah, it was also two years? Oh, two years. Okay, nice. Hell yeah, dude.

What was the, how many, how many siblings and shit did you have? I have, oh, I got four siblings and five ways. Hell yeah. It's like I got two older two younger. Oh, nice. Right in the middle. Yeah, yeah. Did you have any middle child shit?

Because you, I feel like most middle children like withdrawn. You're very fucking outgoing. No. You think you just needed to get attention? I don't know, I'm my mom only kid. Oh, I see. I see. You know what I'm saying?

But all the other ones, they got like a parent. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They like full and then the other, the younger two are four and then it's just like, I'm just here. I see, I see. I see. So you're, yeah, you're a middle, you're sort of a middle child, but you got your own Like I would go to my, I'll be at my mama house and I'd just be vibed by myself,

chilling. And then I go to my dad's and now I have siblings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very funny because like growing up, my mama stayed like some way. My daddy stayed like the hood. So it would be funny to like my mama. You had all the room by yourself. Yeah.

And then you go to the hood. But she wouldn't let me do nothing. Like she would, I couldn't go outside around the corner like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I go to my dad house, he'd be like, hey, niggas, like, you know how to get home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. You know how to get back.

Totally, totally. There's some pizza on the kitchen island. Yeah. It's been out all day. You figure that out, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You figure that, I believe me. So wait, so it was older and then younger.

So your parents, did your dad, how did that work too? My dad had his first wife. Gotcha. The first two, then my mom and his third wife. Gotcha, got it. Is he set up now? You think it's good, stepmom's the last one? Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. He's retired. Yeah. No more strange for pops? He's 66, dog. He got it anymore. I'm gonna be blowed. This fuck, man.

I'm not claiming them. That's not my sibling. I don't know them. How do I know them? That's like, at this point, like, that's my, that's my nephew or something. Like, that came to my little brother. Yeah, yeah. Little brother when you're, you would be 27 years older than them.

That's too late. That's tough. It's too late, bro. That's, I mean, when you see like Al Pacino still nutting in 27 year, like people your age. Yeah, that's tough. But also it's like, I respect me. Hang out. Yeah.

It's crazy when it's not. you. You know what I'm saying? Like, when you looking at it's just like, oh, that's insane to do. Right. It's like, if I'm, I'm old. You know what I'm saying? Now, now, why not get a vasectomy, Al? You got old jizz. Because you're going to, he's going to die and the kid's not going to hold the fuck he is.

Right, exactly. Because look, I respect busting inside. I'm not going to come here. Hey. I'm not going to come here on a public platform and come out against treating yourself to an inside nut. It's the best thing in the world. It's literally

biologically. Oh man, it's like, it's truly what we were evolved to enjoy more than anything. Truly. So I get it. But Al, you're fucking 84, whatever age you are. And you are, listen, you are a legend. I get that.

Why not snip your old nuts? How hard would it be to do of a sex to be on an old guy? I bet you could do it with like tweezers. You know, you got to clap too hard. Put down at do a reed. If he goes down a really fast elevator and his nuts kind of jump wobble a little bit.

Put Al Pacino on a roller coaster. Taking a universal. Yeah. We put him on a Velastikosa. Get around that bit two, three times. Scramble is nuts. Yeah, no more kid. Like if you ever seen like a viral video where they shake an egg and they boil it and

then it comes out yellow like scrambled eggs, do that to Al Pacino's nuts. How do you? He said to me that's he too old. Now they're going to be no sense. He might break or something. No, roller coaster three times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Roller coaster three times in Al Pacozo's nuts.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. The Velastor coaster. That's it. That's it. I was not an amusement park's guy. For real? Yeah.

I was also, I was truly a coward. I was scared of roller coasters. We all, me and my brothers almost died in Wildwood, New Jersey on like some fucking tilter whirl shit. Oh, that's pussy. I know. That's what I'm saying. And it was like, you know, a fucking child running the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And he just was like, oh, my bad. And he didn't give, nobody gave a fault. Oh, I'm gonna die for real. No, dude. I mean, we got out of the thing and the fucking Carney running it just started it up. Because it was just me and my brothers. It was like a very horrible carnival. It was like off-season Wildwood, New Jersey.

We used to go to Greece and then we had no money, obviously. And so my dad, so they tried one year. My parents were like, well, we'll go to the beach in New Jersey. Worst fucking vacation of all time. And yeah, literally, it was just me and my brothers. And we kept getting up and going around. And one time this guy just like wasn't paying attention. and we got out of our seats, and he fucking started it up again.

And I think I'm a little, I also had, I think I was way too young when I went on this really little, little dick, like, dragon roller coaster at the Greek festival. Shout out to St. Nicholas. And that scared me when I was four. And I wonder if I waited until I was six, if I'd have a different relationship with roller coasters. But I'm also a coward when it comes to that shit anyway.

So that's part of why I wasn't, you know, that amped. And when you're a little fat child, every snack is so expensive. Your parent isn't buying you. It's not that much fun. No, dude. I'd rather just... I said that. You know, but I don't know.

Again, or you're in the shadow of Orlando, so that's the culture around there. I went to summer care one time and I almost died on a Hulk at Universal. Oh, shit. I was too small going to ride. But they kind of just, like, they're just sandwiched between two counselors. I'm like, nah, you good. And then I got on a ride and I was like, oh, there's a reason you have to be a certain height. You're slipping out of this shit.

So I'm truly holding on for my dear life. Were you two fat counselors or regular? Regular side, but I was little. I'm five, eight, nah. I see. You know what I'm skinny as a kid? Yeah, what? Little and skinny.

I'm nimble. I see, I see. You feel me? Truly holding on for my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Truly holding on for my life. What kind of summer camp was it? Like, uh...

It was on one of summer camp. They sent, like, hood kids to, like, do other shit. Sure. Yeah, yeah, like, we went ice skating one time. I don't have with it in Florida. That was cool, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I enjoyed it.

You enjoyed ice skating? I was fun. Were you nice at it? Really? Yeah. I'm bad. That's another thing. They would take us to, because I went to like a summer camp with my like, you know, the rec center

attached to my school. And they would do some shit like that too where they would take us ice skating. It was mostly like we did like public pools, public rinks and shit like that. Patterson Park actually in Baltimore. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right by there.

I grew up right over there. And I was so fucking, I was like clinging on to the shit. I was so embassied. I can roller skate. I can't, I can roller skate. I used to be, dude, I'm never roller skate. kidding again. I mean, I'm done, dude. I threw my fucking back out this year and I was like, no more washed, bro. It's no more. No more, like, no more anything where a freak accident could

paralyze me now. Because my, my, my, my spine, bro, is like, it's like, it's, I don't know, the, it's like the BQE, it's fucking crumbling. What's the, it's like, the BQE is a, the ass, apparently the biggest fucking highway from Brooklyn and Queens, the Brooklyn Queens Expressway, the concrete on that shit was only supposed to, they're supposed to report. places like 40 years ago. And it was only made for like half the traffic. Because when they designed it, nobody had fucking cars. And now it's like, hey, the shit's about to fucking explode.

Like truly, John Wilson just, he did a documentary called The History of Concrete. And I think they talk about that in it. And he did a documentary about concrete. And he was like, I will no longer drive on the BQE. So take that whatever you guys want to do. I got to figure out what it is right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of things.

I don't know what the fuck. I have no idea. I thought, that's a big-ass breeze. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean? There's not a... Bro. I don't know.

I don't... I'm fucking dumb, too. And that's what my spine is like. But yeah, it's apparently we're fucked. That the infrastructure is just fucking completely fucked. Yeah, but we was never supposed to add as many people. No, that is true. That is true.

It is funny when you see some shit about New York and it's like... It was like a little farming Dutch village, basically where Wall Street is, like the very bottom of Manhattan. Yeah. And then all this shit happened off that. That's fucking nuts, dude. We just built up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We're just going to go up. Everything is all up there. Yeah. Have you been liking it? I mean, New York is a different vibe than... Yeah. The game plan was a gear anyway. Oh, okay.

You were always going to get here off the dribble. I love it. Did you ever... Like, when you were a little kid going to these like camps, did you ever, is that where you did some performance? Like, was there like a talent show? Was there like a play or some shit? No.

No? No. I was, I was, I was... People kept me away from microphones real young. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you put a microphone in this nigger face. saying whatever don't need to be said at all time.

Did you get in trouble for saying wild shit as a little kid? What? Yeah. I got, at my grandma's birthday problem, she was like turning like 60 or something. All my cousins got up and said how much they love my grandma. And they got up, they was like, oh, I love granny because granny takes me here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they know, like, you understand.

Like, my cousins were all scared at my grandma house. I used to go to my grandma's all the time. I knew my grandma. I love my grandma. But I knew my grandma. Yeah, you had a real relationship. Yeah. So they'd be like, oh, granny, does this for me and I love that.

And I got, and I was like, one thing I tell you about, Brandon, I'm, bro, I'm 10. One thing I'll tell you about granted. Granted like to go to the arcade. I ain't know what that was at the time. Gamble. So you're exposing. Yeah, it's exposing my grandma off the dribbling.

Like, hey, first of all, my girl is going to be gambling like shit. And then when she'd go to gamble, I'm going to tell you this. She always be like, oh, Jazzy, the dog, watch Cameron. Bitch! Hot dog, I'm watching me. I'm 10. And I said that and they were like, take the mic. Take the mic.

Put him somewhere. Yeah. Please. This is a classic, like, family, everybody from the family. Yeah. Because it's like grandma, everyone that just fucking, she essentially caused their birth. Yes. So it's like 40, 50.

And my grandma, like, famous in her town. So it's like, and it's like, she's like in the, like, she's like big in the church. So it's like more than just family. I see. I'm going crazy in front of like half of Gainesville. She's a pillar of the Gainesville community. Yes. And I'm going off.

You don't understand, bro. Like, she'd be gambling in my face. Somebody get the mic from camp. Yeah, yeah. Was this your mom or dad's mom? My mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my dad's side of the family, they treat me like a folk tale, bro.

Okay. They treat me like, I mean, one time I met one of my cut. My dad got 13 brothers and sisters. Holy shit. It's like, through the roof. Damn, it's a lot of them. So him going with five is like he's being mom-ist. Yeah, he's chilling.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My grandpa, that big. Damn. Popin a mic. And what it was, did grandpa do a similar move? three or more spouses or was one guy? No, I won. One.

Yeah, my brother, my hat, all of them. Damn. And they all are like the clumps. Oh, I shit you not. I shit you not. They all are like a different version of my dad. Now, I, I, if I had the pitch, I saw you. That's fucking awesome.

They all like, and I don't know all their names. I love them. So many aunts and uncles that you don't even know. I love them, dude. But there's so many, but that's so fucking funny. But over there, like, I meet one of my cousins that I ain't seen it forever. And I had just be like, hey, hey, bro, you remember what you did when you were seven?

I'm like, oh, you, what you were talking about? So one day I remember you came, you came through Jacksonville and the minivan opened up, you ran, beat me my leg and ran off. Bit you. And I was like, oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I apologize, though.

Yeah. Damn, dude. So we're talking, did they ever have like the classic huge black family reunion with that Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we would. Hence, like the, I was always so envious when I would go to the park and I would see like, 200 black people and just smell like truly like ribs and they got the grill going. And I'm like, you know, with my, we're just there to like play fucking soccer or whatever.

Yeah. That's awesome. I come from a very small, like Greek people usually have a lot of cousins and shit. But I come from like two cousins on one side, one cousin on the other side. Pisses me the fuck off. I would want a huge fucking, I want a family so big you could accidentally fuck a cousin and not realize it. Now, that's crazy. I don't want to do it.

I don't want to do it. But if I want to be eligible for it. Yeah, I'm fair that. Yeah. I'm fair that. I'm fair that. I do. That's funny.

I just want that to be something that could happen to me by accident. But yeah, right now I just got, we're real. But that always looked fun as far. Yeah, I'm mad. I missed my last one. I try to get off when we do my family unions. I try like, and I do shows and shit. I miss the last one.

And they said, my cousin, my cousin, my cousin, Bianca, she and Lesmond. So she goes like me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Same style. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But it was like, she was having a time. Like, she had got a fake go-yard bag and she was going crazy.

I was like, I missed him yesterday's shit. The last one I went to, we was playing crops in the hotel room. And there's a picture. I got to find his picture, dog. And we in a hotel, we're playing crops. And my cousin is on the floor shirtless all fours. Oh, big nigger, big niggins. I love the idea of taking over like a fucking Marriott.

Oh, yeah. Are we fucking shooting dice at a fucking holiday. It's so funny. Like, we on for that weekend. Oh, we on it. But my little cousin did a fun of this shit. My little cousin, my auntie daughter. So she, she, there's not a like, there's not like a lot of cousin her age.

Like, but she's like a, it's like two her age. And she's like a, she's a big girl. She's like seven, but she's like a bullet. Sure. Hell yeah. So she wanted to, she, she wouldn't play high and seek, but everybody isn't an adult. She asked all us, like all over. Because she's like, you're going to play high to see me.

Like I'm, I'm 27. I'm not playing high to see with you. I shit you not. After she asked me, she asked all my cousins around me, right? And they, we all said no. We were like, we're not playing high to see. I see with you. A hour later, her and the other little cousin, they go missing.

Hilarious. They're like, we're going to make you play hide-and-seek one way or another. They get ready to call the police. Either you play hide-in-sigently or this is an amber one. Those are your two options. Respect. They lost, but we couldn't find them for like an hour and a half. Holy fuck.

That's so fucking funny. I'm like, shh, don't say shit. When they look out of the table, don't fucking say nothing. You hear me? We're gonna play high to seat. That's so fucking funny. That shit killed me, dog. That's fucking hilarious.

Elvis, how are we doing it on the fuck? It feels hotter in here than usual. Do we have- No, I do just switch. No, no, but me too. It's not just you. Yeah, yeah. How do we look?

Can you fucking lower the shit down or text somebody to do it? Yeah. Yeah, there you go. We got fucking 80 people working out there. Somebody can fucking press down on the fucking air conditioner. This motherfucker, we still haven't figured out the air conditioning in here. Yeah. And for this room to be kind of cold, the rest of the office has to be cold as fuck.

And Elders is a bitch ass. when we're all working here and not recording. He usually has this room cold as fuck, so you need like a parka outside. Yeah. The one time we're recording, it's fucking warm, you motherfucker. Do you ever meet an Albanian cam?

Albany. Do you have Albanians in Florida? I'm talking, we probably do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to think. What's the most exotic white person you've met? What style? Exotic white.

Damn. Is there any kind of like bulk? I mean, I'm trying to, Florida seems mostly to be like Hispanic. Hispanic, white trash, you know, light-skinned Cubans or sort of. That would east side of the east side is mainly like Spanish people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess I don't even know.

I guess there is like in Tampa there's a bunch of Greek people, but, you know. Yeah, I'm trying to think, man, I'm also excited white one probably won't kill someone I met Ari. Okay. Yeah, oh true. Estonia. Estonia, that's a good one. That's a good one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's one of those that I'm like, what the fuck? With those countries, you're like, were they communists or fascist? Were they sort of both in a weird way? Like a lot of... What's y'all playing over there? Yeah, yeah. Got a game y'all had going on.

Yeah, I mean, that's some other shit. Those motherfuckers, you know, some of that Eastern European shit gets fucking sad. Yeah. Like, gets real. He's literally a refugee from Albania. Say you swore. Yep. Yeah.

I am. We got, we came around the lottery. Like, we got sponsored by a church in Greece and a church in Baltimore and they helped set us up and everything. Yeah, dude. So we are some off the boat ass motherfac motherfac motherfac. Isn't that crazy? If his parents didn't win a lottery fucking 40 years ago. Joe, what?

His motherfucker would be a sheep farmer right now. This fucking guy would not be English at all, dude. Isn't that crazy? I was born here. He's not eligible to be president. I am. We'll change that long. I could be the president.

I could do it. You cannot do it. Your parents had to draw fucking five numbers. The America Powerball Oh, ooh, say 11, say 11, God damn it, 12. Fuck, God damn it. I hate these goats.

All right, I guess I'll go back to fucking shearing these fucking sheep. I guess I'll give my grandma enough wool to make me a sweater for the winter. Potato soup again. God damn it, bro. I know, dude, it's fucking, it is, it's fucking insane to think about that shit.

No, it's sad. Like, not even that far back. Yeah. Like this motherfucker sitting in front and a completely American guy. Yeah. Like just fucking, yeah. Something goes different. Or just a bribe hits the right Albanian and a different family gets to America.

I do feel estranged for my culture. I got to really lock in and learn about the history of Albania and get a little more. Well, you're about to have a fucking kid. Yeah. You know, exactly. You can have a kid. You guys are nice? Yeah.

Thank you. Yeah. So yeah. You want a honky dude? I don't want a honky that won't know how to speak like Albanian. I got to teach them. You gotta take them there. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Look how fucking hold them hostage. Send us a new microphone. We want to do podcast here. The family that didn't get to go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

My uncle, come on. It was my dreamt be podcast producer. You stole everything from me, Sula. That's fucking awesome, dude. Yeah. Do you, because of, I mean, what's your philosophy on kids since you come from such a huge family, you know, your grand, you know, so many cousins, even your immediate family of a bunch of kids.

I want kids like now, Bill. Oh, really? Yeah, I want kids like now. You're ready to make a crucial error? I mean, that's what everybody's think. But also like, but for me, it's like, but I tell a story. So it's like, I have a kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm gonna get that nigga special number one. What? Welcome to the party special. I mean, listen, Ali Sadiq, that motherfucker keeps having kids. He keeps doing specials. What? He's the fucking best storytelling comic. He's incredible.

And that motherfucker, he's a great example. So there's, there's worse guys to fucking try. I get a kid. All right, fuck, you better do something quick. I need a new 30. You hear me? Hurry up. Whoa.

Say something crazy, dog. But look, I guess you're right. That shows my fucking dumbass brain where I'm like, this is fun. These kids are babies. Yeah. He's barely 27. He just got on. SNL. He's in no position to have children. Meanwhile, like, you know, your fucking great

grandparents were just like turning them out. My granddad probably on, at 27, probably on three. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Had to be. Oh, maybe more. Easy. Probably way more, dude. Right. 27, if you have fucking 13 kids. Yeah, he'll pylon. I got a ass, probably shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The pacing is crazy. Oh, the pacing is nuts. Because I think about that shit, too, because I'm like, I'm 37. If I want to have kids, which, you know, I don't really know if I give a fuck about. I think enough people around. I'm, like, so designed to be an uncle. Yeah.

That it's like, you know. I say that, I said my dad would never pose to be a dad. Yeah. He was never supposed to be, he was supposed to be my uncle 1,000 percent. He won't thousand people. He was like, oh, just give him the kid. He went out of Pacino mode too many times. Ah, you got him now.

There you go. Yeah, because it's like, yeah, my dad's a situation where it's like, yeah, you're too much fun for a father. So he's a fucking awesome dude. Yeah, he's good. I feel that way about my dad, too, where I'm like, If we were, if I met you as a guy, we would be boys. Oh, yeah. But as a dad, we have some crucial issues.

But my dad to do this thing, because he's so, it's a thing like, he's so proud of what I'm doing, but also he'll understand like, like, what's, like, so I'm, we'll do shows and people to be, my dog, my dog, jar are like, my opening this, him. He'll see this happen. Yeah. I've been to green with him, too, I did a mean, greet me, me greet down, you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I met everybody, all that shit. He'll watch like a guy leaving that didn't get to meet me. Mm-hmm.

Hey, but I, you want to meet him? Your dad will? Yeah, just bring him back to the room. Brer, bring him back, blah. And look who I found him back there looking for you. The nigger was walking out of the dome in that black. I got, I have so much access to this nigga. You would not believe.

Your dad is selling bootleg meeting greets. He's fucking propping open the door to the kitchen of the funny bone. Come on, fellas. Hey, don't touch any fron. Don't know my roll sticks. You just came to meet it, nigga. Don't do all this shit. You want food.

I say you food. You just came to meet the guy. Yeah. And then he goes and puts in the order. He's also taking their orders and putting it on your tab. He's selling them fucking tenders and shit. That's so fucking awesome. What was like what kind?

He was just like a party guy? Like what was his thing? Did he have gambling? No, my dad don't drink or smoke? Really? Nothing. He's just like a goofy guy. Gotcha.

He's just like a truly a goofy individual. What do he do growing up was his job? What are you? So my, my, his, he like, he's like, he's like a. He's like, well, his parents are super, like religious. That's like apostolic, stuff like that. Oh, interesting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's the, what's the apostol? Are they puns? I don't. I don't. Elders check, fucking do a little research. Yeah, I know. I can't describe, I can't be in a little. He'll figure that.

But he grew up religious as far. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And these are the 13, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way we think about like, yeah, the way we think about, like, Amish people. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? My dad, my dad, my dad, the only dream was really to work with his dad.

Oh, cool. Interesting. My granddad was like architect. Sick, dude. Wow, that's fucking awesome. It's so funny to be an architect and have 13 kids. It is very strange. Because that's like a, you think about that when you're like, oh, I don't know,

where they have a fucking family business and they wanted free, like, labor. Because that's not my grandmother, they had like all, they kept having kids like work at their store. You know what I mean? So it's so funny to just be at a desk doing a white collar job and then be like, all right, time to fuck my wife. Number 10. own your way. Fuck.

I got to keep fucking making houses. I got to keep drawing fucking bridges and shit. No, real shit. Fuck yeah. So your dad wanted to be an architect? Yeah. But he didn't? He is.

I mean, I tell him about the time, man. I guess. What is that? What do you, how can you be sort of an architect? My dad was like, I never, okay, this is what I tell him this all the time. I tell him all this shit. Because you know, when you're younger, you don't really know. Like, my mom, if I had a flight attendant.

But until I was like, until I was like, until I was like a left. I don't think I knew. Dude, that's so, your parents have like the two top, like, TV show jobs. The truth. Like film jobs. Every guy's an architect and like every woman's like a fucking, that's so fucking awesome. Those are fun and I bet you got to fly because you got the buddy pass. You were going on the buddy pass?

Oh yeah. When I first started, well, I was telling me, I would go place and I'd be like, hey, bro, like, you're gonna pay me, nothing. I'll pay them off. I'll get there. That's, dude, as a broke comic trying to work the road, because I had very briefly, A girlfriend in college who I basically broke up me because I was doing too much stand-up. And look, she was completely right.

I completely, she was a nice person. I was like blowing her off to do open mics. I'm a piece of shit. What happened? We both, exactly. We both are doing good, whatever. But she, I was dating someone who's like family member had a buddy pass. And the guy was, her cousin was cool.

And I was kind of trying to maneuver. And we traveled on a couple, I was broke as fuck obviously. When I'm 20 or whatever. We travel on a couple of buddy passes and I was like, fuck, dude. I liked comedy so much, even though I wasn't sure about the relationship, I was like, if I, this gets like serious, maybe I could use the buddy pass as well. You know what I mean? But it's awesome.

So that, so you had no idea as a kid, you're like, yeah, you don't really know. I guess maybe your mom is getting dressed and leaving. My brother's older than me and he would tell him, he'd just be like, hey, when you get older, dog, you're going to be to do so much cool as shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so. And you're your mom's only kid too. So you really got the fucking, the flight attendant hook up. So you're saying, but you were saying you were like, you don't really know what you're

fucking being. Yeah, I didn't know what they did. About that, I never asked him. I was just like, the nigger just was always on the phone by the sit. And one time he was on the phone and he got a phone call and he, this nigga was like, I remember like being like 15 and something. Old nothing real life, and the nose was like, this is not, this ain't 100% correct. Something's weird.

He just went, listen, I understand, man. Now, if you want to put a porch there, we could do it. the city ain't not going to but I can get it selling fucked up blueprints that's really funny because you never think about

a shitty architect every architect you think of as like a guy in a pristine suited his drafting table rolling up his sleeves but it's like it could be a guy in his fucking dining room

like eating fucking Chinese no listen I'll I'll make it happen I can get it done so you need a door that locks only from the inside? In the basement.

Yeah, I could probably design something like that. Simple easy shit, bro. Let me 1500 niggins done tomorrow. That's fucking awesome, dude. I guess I knew what my dad did because he was a carpenter and he just came home covered in sawdust and smelling like shit.

So you put that, and I would go, hey, I mean, he would like babysit us and my mother would drop us off there. And he did have a sick, awesome. He had a huge, like, workspace because we were friends with, like, you know, the guy who had like a body shop in the same spot. And so it's like, it was big enough for you to like play soccer and shit as a little kid. It was fun.

And, you know, you'd watch fucking TV on the, on the little shitty, his little shitty break room, drinking a nice brisk ice tea. That was a big thing. Those were nice. Those were nice. I mean, those were some of the, I'm trying to, I'm trying to be positive about like me and my dad. And it was like, those were some awesome memories. Summertime, drinking a fucking brisk, going to see Greek soccer at the coffee shop.

Yeah. Great. Good shit. But that's why I knew I would just go to his, I went to his fucking workshop all the time. My mom was a waitress and she brought home food. So I knew she, I was very locked in on her job. I know exactly what you do. Yeah. Yeah. And you know what? My mom's been mad at me because every fucking interview I do where they ask, I say she brought home leftovers. Yeah. She was like, no, no, no. I made sure they made you fresh calamari. She was like, that was coming out of my end. That was, they wouldn't. And her boss was kind of cheap and he wouldn't give her a full meal. He was paying like half off. But still, that was coming out of her tip.

So shout out to mom. I'm sorry for accusing you of giving me the leftovers in the fucking frybasket. I do that. My mom do the same thing. Yeah, hell yeah. She do the exact. I do podcasts and when it comes to comedy, my dad was like the first one to be on board with it.

So I say that and I'm going to be like, hey, I, you don't even, I gave you a car when you got out of high school. Yeah, mama, but that's like, that's a different part of the dream. I wasn't even doing standing. I would take your car and I was selling weed. Yeah, yeah. I want to make a goodness in that car. I got two cars.

I got two cars and you totaled it. Yeah. Tell you how I'm that. Tell you fucking crashed the car. I gave you. I was like, oh, yeah, you did, my mom's the side. Oh, I'm sorry. I had you in the suburbs and a nice house alone.

Yeah, yo, the guy who had you fucking eating hot Cheetos for dinner, completely unattended, he was your fucking hearing. He's the guy. Okay. Yeah, for sure. I guess that's also a divorced kid thing. There's got to be a lot of like, oh, really? Oh, you like him more than me?

Oh, my. But one time, my, because I did my first, like, Sold out show back on London, dude. Yeah. And my mom... Great feeling. When you do the show at home, it's the best. Oh, man, it's the best shit of. I walked through, we go through the show.

My mom's a great with my dad's there and stuff. And then my dad just looked at my mom. She walked by him. She don't say nothing. She'd go, make sure like, hi, Kenny. But that was it. Yeah, yeah. And she walks back to the green room.

And they go, you see this shit? I only get a fucking thank you or nothing. Thank you. It's hilarious. I believe in the shit. You don't say, oh, thank you for believing our son kid. None of that shit. That's a bullshit, man.

Fucked up. He wanted credit for believing in his son from his ex-wife. I could have been a real scumbach to him. I could have said no and all that shit. None of this happens. Well, you know what is true, though, like a parent should tell you no. This is a bad idea. And both of us got insanely lucky.

We both should have gotten degrees. had real jobs. Went to school. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. But we hit a lottery and the sensible parent is the right one to not believe in this. Yes. It's like there's so, it's like, yeah, absolutely we shouldn't do this.

Right. And maybe the good way to, like the dreamer, like when your dad's like, awesome dude, that's a fucking great idea. Hey. That's awesome. You want eight windows in one side? Yeah, we could do a fucking wall windows. Yeah, no problem.

Oh, but you don't want people to know you're looking at them. Oh, yeah. It could be one way glass. Don't worry about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's actually a good point. The parent who believes in a stupid dream is actually a bad parent. Like, if your 18-year-old weed-selling son is telling you, I'm going to be on TV, pop.

I'm telling you. Be like, go to fucking, go get vocational school. It's like, hey. Go, be an HVAC guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should do everything. Yeah, yeah. In Florida, that's big business.

Big, man. My mom always tell me, my mom would like, people ask all the time there, but like, did you ever see this for your son? And she'd always be like, well, I knew he couldn't work a regular job. What an incredible politician answer. That's a, yeah, well, my son was a fucking idiot, if that's what you're asking me. He couldn't, I mean, he really couldn't do most of the things he needed to do to have a regular job. So absolutely not. But, I mean, you know, God is good.

That's perfect. That's the perfect way to look at it. So were you like real misbe? Like, you had, you probably had some ADD shit. Yeah, yeah. Like, learning, because, like, like, what was, were you acting up in school? I was never bad. I just wouldn't like better at school, you know what I'm saying?

Sometimes that shit did not. That's not how you learned. Sure. Of course. It just wasn't, that shit was never wasn't for me for it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, never. Like, I could kind of focus, like, when it came to basketball season.

Sure, sure. Because you can't play if your grades are back. Yeah. Yeah. But I had, nigga, I had the most ups and downs of best ones. Well, you were just saying you were five age in school. skinny as fuck. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Never played. But on practice, you were probably full court pressing the starters. Oh, come on, man. You were like, I'm gonna show you coach. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But one time it was a dude on my team, he was cold, bro.

Try a nigga, remember his nigga name. He was cold, bro. But he was like two years ago. He was like a sophomore. Like, I mean, like he was fired. So as a sophomore, he's playing varsity. Yeah, but way, way better than me, like 5,000. Yeah, yeah.

By like 1,000. just like light because he's the fucking star. Of course. And so I'm mad. I'm like, you're not even trying hard. I'm pissed. Like I'm like, man, you're not even fucking, you got all this fucking talent. You're not even trying, man.

So we're going out of this shit. And like the first act of a body swap comedy. Where it's like, if I had your abilities, it would be so different. I swam 14. And then you both piss into an enchanted urinal at the same time and you switch bodies or whatever the fuck. Oh, this is tough. Yeah. Oh, this life sucks, man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that guy just kills himself. And you're stuck in his body. You're like, nice. Oh. No, it just gets to be fucking good at basketball. I'm the best. That would be, let's fucking do that movie.

I like that movie, dude. It's actually a sketch, dude. Go ahead. Fucking write that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna kill myself. What do you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, wait a minute. Yeah. Fuck yet. That's so funny. So, yeah, so you're mad at the star. I was pissed on. Which, by the way, what a fucking door. What a loser.

Yeah. to be like, you need to try hard. I was a real thing. You're not even eating your vegetables and doing your homework. Like, come on, man. Yeah, yeah. You could be great. I'm like doing shit like, hey, bro.

You got it all, man. You can fucking be somebody, man. Well, you wasting all this talent on what? And I'm like, I'm going off. And then we do something. And then, like, we go at it. And I push them. And like, what's...

Big mistake. Bro, first of all, the coaches... When you push a star player, the coach's fucking young. My coach wasn't there. Uh-huh. My head coach wasn't even there. Like, it was like an assistant coach.

Yeah. And so I pushed him. This is how I knew I didn't want to fight him. I'm going to tell you exactly the moment I realized. So he had like on a compression shirt. And we've been practicing so he gets sweat. Like, you know, harder to take those off. Of course.

I blink compression shirt gone. Like, he doesn't want to get his fit tech fucking. But he took it off. He took it off so fast, man. And I was like, hey, man, you know what I'm fucking around. Hey, look, man. You do whatever. you want to do.

It's your team, though. Like, it's your world, man. That's so fucking. They're gonna put your name in the gym. Fuck who I don't. I don't know why. I don't, fuck. I don't play.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the next day my coach gets back, he goes, heard you, his name, Blake, sat out Blake. He's five, great basketball. Blake. He goes, I heard you're gonna, I heard you're gonna try to fight Blake. And I was like, yeah, he was, I just got tempest flared. He was like, man, I'm glad you didn't do that, man. You know, the fuck the part is like, what if he would have broke his hand on your face?

and he said it so sincere like he cared about me yeah yeah yeah yeah I don't think you could have lived with that can like bro you're the fuck the whole thing we want to suck dick because you're a fucking piece of shit because you wanted to get mad at our star player yeah because you wanted our star player to run suicides

when the coach wasn't even there come on man you're talking about also when the coach is in there that's supposed to be the funest day of practice you're just playing you're just playing fucking pickup and you're like guys can we do a little structure can we run the weave We need to run more suicide.

We're not trying as a... You bring your own whistle. That's fucking hilarious, dude. Yeah, that's fucking... Did you ever... What was your greatest moment? Did they ever... Was it a blowout?

Did they sub you in? Did you get any... Did you score... Do you have, like, one game that you're like, all right. I had 22 on Jay V one. Oh, there you go. That's big. Yeah, but I also...

By the way, can I just... Before we finish the story, how hilarious the psychology of men is that, like, you're in move you were just in a move with Kevin Hart you're on SNL and you're like man I had 22 on JV once and I'm dude I think about I had one game in middle school basketball where they subbed me into they subbed me in as like you know when they like as a wake up call to the starters we're gonna get the little fat white guy he's gonna he's playing center now and I just went off I just got so lucky I scored like fucking you know 12 12 points in a middle school game yeah and like

you know, everyone's like, and like it was the best because it was like a home game. I never played again. Yeah. But everyone, all the away games I don't even touch the floor. I know your mind, it's also like, this is how it changed. Of course, dude. Well, this step one to the NBA. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can't wait. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

I've heard a lot of stuff about this kid in Akron. Yeah. He's a little older to me. Just wait till I tank. with him. That's so fucking funny. So 22 on JV, that must have felt incredible.

But also, like, I was, I was, so I was, this is the thing. I had two coaches that were too insane people. So I was, I was a junior on JV.

Hilarious. And, here this, give me, give me good on this one. Junior upperclassman. Bro, I'm 18. I had just turned 18.

Because I fell the second grade. I'm old as shit. I'm giving 14-year-old real work. So fucking funny, dude. This I know I'm gonna be good, bro. He's just haven't even gone through puberty yet. Nah, not even.

I'm cooking these niggins. Like, I'm going all. That gets crazy. Like, I get so old dude, he had no dick. I still look young. Of course. He's like, oh, this freshman is gonna be somebody. I'm eight.

I'm a grown, man. You voted. You voted. I drove this game. I drove this game. I drove there. Your cooking kids just got out of middle school.

I'm on there. I'm on a kid. Oh my God. That's so fucking funny. That's how I don't go go be great back. But I remember I was a senior. The new freshman coach seeing me was like, boy, you're going to be my style.

I'm like, bro. I'm actually, yeah. I'm a grown man. I'm a grown man. If I hadn't failed second grade, I would be in community. I'd be out of him by now. I would be in my mother's garage bagging up fucking nickel bags right now.

selling them of the corolla she gave me used. Hey, speaking, knickaband, I told my dog going to tell this story. Yeah, yeah, please. No, I was on, I was on, I was in a foot locker. I sold a, I sold a nickel bag to a dude, and he gave it to me all quarters. Oh, my God. And I spent all the money on bubble gum. I spent, oh, I told my dog, means I said that.

That's an incredible. Yeah, I mean, that shows you, you were too young to sell drugs. Yeah, that, and I was never going to make it. You're like, yay, bubble gum. Hell yeah. What? But every quarter, every last quarter. Not like I had like a dollar, two dollars left.

No, every quarter was bubble gum. Did you get any of those little toys in the plastic in the plastic cylinders? You know what I never liked it that? I never like, hell no, that's a good. Maybe some runts. Runs was fine. Yeah, maybe some runts. Runs.

What else came in a little, in the little, these kids today, man. This is some other old, this is the, I'm so happy to be washed, bro. Because I get to say all the stuff I'm mad the kids don't get anymore. Yeah. And no baby is excited to see one of those little... You got a quarter? To them it's like disgusting. Huh, huh.

Yeah. What would it be in that thing? Yeah. A quarter is disgusting. What do you mean? I just order anything I want off my mom's phone. Yeah. Stupid.

Like a baby could order 400 Twizzlers. Wow. My little cousin was trying to do like... When she was like three, she was like to the Google shit, she was like, Google, baby's shock. Google Baby shock Dude

That's the thing Elders you can You gotta take the Alexis out of your home You can't have your fucking kid Being like Alexa I'm worried about it

But I don't know You're already so fucking dumb and love AI That your kid is gonna be even stupid I know I'm on the screen all day I'm like It's gonna be hard to set a good example For my kid

And take that Well that's why you literally Have to just come into the The office Might save your child from being, I mean, look, it's fighting Albanian genes, so that's tough. Uphill battle. But, you know, your wife's side of the family, you know, they got some, there's some,

they got some stuff there. That might be the saving grace. But yeah, dude, when you see a baby, like, like somebody, it was like a meme or whatever, somebody posted that, like, this woman couldn't, this, this mom was like trying to figure out, their baby was saying, like, a word she couldn't figure out. and it turned out she was calling her own mom Alexa. Or maybe she was calling her teacher Alexa. And it was like, because they were, a baby who just used to like asking Alexa for shit, dude.

That shit fucking scares the fuck. That's terrifying. Imagine like, I imagine you at like 12, but now. Yeah. Alexa, Tiddy's. Of course. Alexa. Dude.

Siri. Siri, show me this. Siri boobs. Siri, boobs. Boobes. Boobes bouncing up in them. Siri, girl that looks like the girl. that I go to high school with,

the girl that looks like Sarah from algebra. You send it a picture? Yeah, yeah. Oh, no. These kids are going to be able to do face match. They're going to be able to face match

Oh, this is not good. That's bad. Oh, this is bad. That's really bad. That's really bad. And the thing is, if I grew up in a world where I was 11 and I could get the exact,

a porn start was the closest match to the girl I wanted to fuck, There's no ethical shit about, hey, I'm a bad, yeah. You're an animal. You're a horny little animal. I don't even know. I just, I just have to, I'm 11. I got a nut, dog.

Yeah, I might need to, you know what? You might need to make a pornography library in your home, eldest, for your child to use to pleasure themselves. Because they need, we need to go, we need to go back to, uh, playboy. We got some playboys out there. But we need to go back to, we need to go back to, yes, image pornography. I think the videos have even cooked my brain. No, that's a lot. You know, let alone.

on these children that have... Twitter is... It's tough. I took it off my phone and it's been excellent for me because I would just be looking at like, oh, let me just scroll Twitter real fast. I would probably jack off, I would say, 60% of the time I just got on Twitter. Bro. Just because it's like, oh, nice, tits, wait.

It's right if that girl was sucking dick too. And then you just find it. Yeah. It's not like, what if it's like, oh, I know it's here? The next cut, it's something. Yeah. Don't worry about it. I'm like, the whole thing is right here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yo, what the fuck? That is, yeah. I mean, Twitter is, it's so funny how much they fucked that website up. Where it's like, it's all Nazis and fucking girls getting their asses fucked. And it's like, what? It wasn't good before, but at least, at least you could find out who got traded. Hey, what is this?

Like, I used to be able to, every time Twitter was the funest when like, like the Luca trade. Yeah. The Luca trade, old Twitter, it would have been so fun. Because I remember you get that, you get that notification. You're like, what the, I mean, the Sixers trade, the, the, the, the, the, Celtics, Twitter is completely washed, because back of the day, that would just be, you would get on there, and all of Twitter would be talking about that. And now it's like, you're fucking like, Jews will not replace us. And then it's like, fucking somebody, like,

you're like, it's a bitch of LeBron jersey, get me in here. It's like, no, this is not what I ask for. Yeah. Someone's made AI porn of like LeBron getting his dig sucked by Thomas Jefferson. Welcome to Philadelphia, goat. That actually is good. That is, we need it. That's the only good application of AI. You've been seeing the Jim Carrey in like all hood movies? No, that's all. You haven't seen that? People like putting in the hood movies.

They put Jim Caron like paid in food and like poetic justice and shit. No, it's my favorite thing I've ever seen. It's Jim Carrey on a block with a drinko and been down the TV. I'm like, yeah, this is, this is good. It's tough because like, it's tough because you do see if, I feel bad for people that do use AI. I had a friend actually who was like really early on AI before anything. any of this shit.

And he just thought it was really interesting to generate like thousands of images, pick the best one, then generate another thousand off those, pick the best one of the, and he would really painstakingly. And it was before anybody knew anything about the water or whatever. And it was interesting. And there are interesting applications for it, but it's so cooked. It's like, oh, you just can't, I can't eat, because that would make me laugh. And I will say the one thing that always works for me is when they take a video of a clearly

homophobic man and they edit the... with AI and make it look like he's kissing someone. That to me, like if you show an old, I mean, an old black guy, that's the funniest thing you do to that. Like, show them a video of them kissing a guy. And they'll try and fight you or like, you know, an old fucking, you know, Greek guy.

Any old fucking like homophobic set in his way as immigrant or like black person, like any community that is still very homophobic. Yes. Especially the older guys. You show them like a video of them hanging out with their boy and then edited for them to kiss. other, the best content there is. That, that I'm willing to maybe if we get a low water

usage data center, if we put it somewhere, if we don't put it in a, you know, if we don't put it with a community that's already struggling, I'm willing to maybe do an exception for making old homophobic guys watch videos of them kissing another guy. I did Lucas and McCquiry and Liz Splatt. They do a show at Austin. And me and my OG Jolly did it, David Jolly. And they did that. They did that. We had like an old skit. That's so cool. We had like old skit from like like 20-21.

That's, oh really? And so we're talking like we're doing an interview, we're talking and shit. And they start planting in the background, we don't know. And Jolly is like- You gotta find this video and put this into the, put this into the episode Elvis. No, we don't know. Jal-Lid, he's like, we turn right, he's like, hey, come on, what the fuck going on? What's up?

Leave. He walks out. There's no more questions. He just leaves me. He just leaves me. I started, they're doing like, there was like a thing. I think they would do that at the time with like, people like had, they like died in front of us before.

And so I just started robbing the dead body. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fucking hilarious. That's beautiful. And again, we're looking at it right now and everybody's having a good laugh. Yeah. But it is, totally.

It's crazy. I mean, AI is like, also, I mean, let's be honest, they're just trying to get people to not, they're just, they're truly trying to stop us from having objective reality. Because now they can be like, well, that didn't happen. Like, dude, for example, if Epstein's Island, if the Epstein shit was like now, or like even in 10 years, they're just going to start, they would have made AI videos of every celebrity hang out on Epstein's Island. They'd be like, see, these are clearly fake to like, they're going to use that, dude. Because like, they've completely destroyed journalism. And now they're like, even the stuff you see with your own eyes could be fake.

And so now they're just going to make it to the point. And they're going to scan every fucking, they're going to try and scan every book, learn shit from it. And then just burn the physical copies. I promise you they're going to try and do that shit. We're fucked, bro, in a hilarious way. But maybe we will be okay. We, again, won a lottery ticket. We get to fucking make money doing the dumbest shit of all time,

including giving advice that we're not really experts on it. So why don't we hit that motherfucking visible hotline of this? Let's hit that visible hotline and let's take some calls. I guess the Stavi hotline sponsored by Visible, visible, you know who you're doing business with. All right? We're not going to get it right every time. That's part of the charm.

What up stuff, eldest, esteemed guest. I'm calling because it's getting a little serious with this girl I'm talking to. And I got some skeletons in the closet that I'm nervous about them coming out. Uh-oh. So in short, a couple of weeks ago, she found out that I was fucking her ex-best friend. not at the not during the current time but I worked with them two years ago

at the same restaurant so when I left that restaurant I was like okay I see you both are fucking with me I hopped on one then I hopped to the next you cannot I mean this is a you built a home on a swamp

like you were fucked from the jump that's never going to be serious you hid that you fucked her enemy I mean ex best friends means they they There's no, there's nothing good. So unless something changes, you're fucked. But go ahead.

Let's let him go. Now, that happened two years ago. I only fucked home girl once. So the girl got into serious with, you know, where else she asked some questions like, hey, did you end up fucking homegirl? Okay. All right. Pause, possible.

Cause, possible. That next thing he says is very crucial. Yeah, yeah. What he says is crucial. If he say he lied, he's fucked forever. But here's the thing. lie if you only fucked her once. Yeah, but also once is kind of the perfect amount.

As a man, though, it's like, what, what if I, oh shit? No, I know you mean. If I said, if I tell the truth, though, I'd also be fucked for a, I know what you mean? There's, there's a impulse to be like, let me just completely lie. Instead of, instead of taking my medicine, instead of being a, a courageous man, let me be a coward who could avoid

all, uh, all, uh, you know, accountability for my actions. You know, and I, I get that. You're right. Because I've done in the past, the urge to just lie when there's no reason to. Not at all. When a woman is pressing you on something, is very, very strong. My step-mom when I was talking, I was like high school, she goes camp. If you just tell women the truth, I promise you it better than a laugh.

I'm gonna be like 16, be like, bids, what do you know about hoes? Oh, is that true? How many, are you sure it's only five from my dad? Yes. Be quiet. All right, keep going. And when she initially asked a year ago, I said no. Oh, you're a fucking genius.

You're a fucking genius, Sam. You're fucked. You're fucked, dog. He's fucked. And you had it, you motherfucker. It was right. It was in your fingers. Because one time was perfect. Because if you say no, you seem like you're lying.

Yeah. And if you fucked her a bunch and you lie, oh, I only fucked her a couple times. Once was the per- because you guys weren't together. And you could even be like, she was bad. She sucked. I don't know what I was thinking. It was a huge mistake.

You actually had the most perfect answer. Because she knew it, right? Because they worked together. Clearly he was flirting with them. Like, you can, when you're in a restaurant environment, they all suck and fuck each other anyway. You had a beautiful out. I really don't see the escape route here.

But let's, you know, let's see. More recently, because I'm taking it a little more serious, I was honest with her. Did you bring it up or did she bring it up? Too late. A little more serious. I was honest with her. Now, the real caveat that's got me a little nervous.

Another caveat. I had sat down with her, talk to her about the whole situation because she was pretty upset because they had a big falling out. I didn't realize the levels of friendship that was there because I had just started working. Yeah, you were fucking high making fun. Pino poppers trying to fuck everyone you worked with. You didn't give a fuck with their inner lives were like.

You just knew they had big tits or a fat ass. In our conversation, did you, like, how many of my other friends have you fucked? And I immediately followed that up with, well, who would you consider a friend? Oh! Because I know for a fact, like her and this third girl, if you will, aren't friends anymore. Oh. And I did fuck her. So do I tell her before it gets more serious?

You already fucked up? What do you mean? Fuck it. Keep lie. Keep lie. Hold, too late. What do you mean?

She asked you a question. Did you answer it then? Or did you lie again? If you didn't, why didn't you say, she was like, hold that thought. I have you don't make a call in the other room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Let me get so with my lawyer. Dude, this is so fucking funny. What do you mean, dude? She asked you a direct question. and you obfuscated with a follow-up, you're like, well, what is, I mean, you pulled the Bill Clinton, what does it, what is, is? Whoa, would you consider a friend? How many times?

Is that more? There's a little more. There's a little more. All right. This is insane. Away for about a month. Or it gets more serious. I mean, she's going away for about a month to Turkey.

So I got a lot of time to send, Stu on. I just want to know your thoughts. Thank you guys. You think the longer you do another lie, you think you have a month? You think when she comes back fresh from vacation, feeling good, she's going to be like, ah, you know what I'd love to hear? Another devastating truth. Another, another lie that could have been completely avoided, you had, dude, how did you not learn your, this is so fucking funny?

Hey, to go, should I lie again, don't? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I already lied. I guess this is the third time. He lied the first time. I guess he told the truth. I guess this was his second lie. And he's saying,

should I continue with the third lie, basically? And no. The sooner you tell the truth, the more your chances are, stop lying. You have to tell the truth now. I can't believe you said, who would you consider a friend?

Because I was already like, you telling it. You already kind of like... Obviously fucked a bunch of girls you know. Did you guys ever fucking get a eye and watch SpongeBob together? I understand. Like, it's on sister.

really your friend or she has your sister? That's the question with your ass. Like, come you can say your sister friend. Oh, man, I'm sorry. This is so funny. Did he say his age? He must be young as fuck. He did not.

Because he worked, they met at a restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's going to Turkey for a month, which means either she's like studying abroad or she's going on vacation with her family because who the fuck who's young can afford, you know, who who who fucks a guy like this can afford to go on a month long vacation? Or a month is crazy. Maybe her family's from there. know what the situation is.

But, or maybe I guess you could be going for work, who fucking knows. But yeah, dude, this is a lesson to just heed Cam's stepmother's advice. Yes. And just tell the truth. Just tell the truth. It's the easiest thing. Especially this. It's like, I could maybe see if the lie was like cheat on.

If you did something really unforgivable and you're like, even though it's still obviously that's more wrong to do. Yeah. I could understand the human impulse to do it. Now, again, this is the same impulse. This is when a baby doesn't want to get in trouble for like, it's like, oh, there's a, there's tiny handprints, chocolate handprints on the wall. And I walk in on a baby drinking Hershey's syrup, right?

And a toddler is like, hey, did you do that? And he's like, no. It's like, just because he doesn't want to deal with it. So I get it. But this is a time for you to grow up. Got to grow up, man. You got to go tell her the truth. You have to apologize.

You have to say this was insanely immature. I'm really sorry for not communicating this earlier. Because you're saying, now, for the sake of this girl, I think you should stop seeing her. Because she could do much better, right? Yeah. But for you, since you're, I'm counseling, you, and we're your lawyers, we're not her counsel here.

If I were you and I really wanted to take this seriously, I would say, look, I fucked up. I don't, I'm sorry. I just was so scared you're going to be mad at me and I've developed these feelings. From now on, I promise you. and you have to abide by it, complete honesty. Because, like, you still are young enough

and she might be dumb enough to accept that, right? So that's what I would do if I were in your position. That's what I would tell you to do. Now, to be honest, if he's like 23, 24, whatever, what I would do in your position probably is keep lying until the walls closed in on me. That's how I used to behave as a youth. But we want better for you.

Don't live like that. And by the way, that's very stressful. You can't deal with that shit. So you're saying it's get a little more serious. serious, commit, try and have a girlfriend. It's going to be good for you. That's another thing. I waited a while to have like a serious relationship because I was always had, you know, commitment issues, family stuff, whatever. It's the, I mean, it was like, it was very good. It's going to be very good for you as a human being to be in a committed relationship that

you actually try for. But man, that's so funny. I love how you called that, motherfucker. I can hear, right here, right here, crack. I listen, I was, I was 20, I was 24. Yeah, same thing. I'm lying to the... And then you... Then the walls close in on you, you go, hara-ki. Yeah, totally, totally. And then you still try and like, fuck, maybe I'll just like move for a month until she forgets.

Maybe it's to forget about this. I mean, I do envy... I mean, it is another problem with our digitally connected world. You can't just move two towns over, grow different facial hair and say your name is Jeffrey now. You know what I mean? Yeah, you can't do that. What's a shame? That's a real shame.

Play us another one, Eld. another one, Eld. Hey, Stav, Eldis, esteemed guests. I have a bit of a dilemma with, I just got engaged. Yeah, congratulations. And my partner is

Puerto Rican and Dominican. Nice. And we hate all the traditional wedding stuff. My family's Italian, for reference. We had all the traditional wedding stuff, and we had this idea that we were going to elope in Puerto Rico. Nice. So, like, kind of a semi-informal reception.

A party. That's fun. Her family loved it. Their site to go to Puerto Rico. We love it because, you know, it's a beautiful island. You know, our family's from there. When I dropped the news on my Italian side of the family, everything fell apart.

Oh, what the fuck? What am I eating fucking tacos for your wedding? I can't even get a piece over there. Where I'm going to fly in a Galagoo? Oh, what? Everybody's going to be the father. You know who's the waiter and who's at the reception? We do it at fucking Puerto Rico.

Keep going. All apart. They're very upset. They, like, don't really seem like they want to go to Puerto Rico. And they're, like, upset that, you know, my second cousin isn't going to come. And it's all a mess. It's got a lot of attention. Of course.

My girlfriend thinks that my parents are, like, kind of, like, a little racist now. Ah, yeah. feelings about Puerto Rico. I'm kind of in the middle of it. We are... You notice he didn't say, and they're not. He just said, the cat's finally out of the bag. I've been trying to...

I'm trying to obscure how racist they really are. She says that. He's just like, I know. No, he doesn't even say anything. He's just like, mm-hmm. I mean, well, you know. Right, right, right, right. And so what do you think? Carnation? What kind of flowers? You know, these.

That's so fucking funny. We are, you know, the whole point of this was to avoid, like, all the wedding planning bullshit. And now we're kind of getting bogged down with family bullshit and the reception and all that stuff. So I need your advice. How do I bring peace between my two families, two cultures? Right. I know there's only one minute of the job and a few. So let me out.

Oh, yeah. This is hilarious. I mean, this is, I mean, look, now I will say some of their point, I understand, Because a destination wedding is a lot. Is annoying, right? Like, like my, I remember my cousin did it in Greece and leading up to it, I was like, fuck. I mean, look, it was nice.

It ended up actually, the timing ended up being perfect because we went, I was in Greek, eldest fucking came, eldest, my boy, our boy, straight George was there. Straight George. Yeah, yeah. Straight George. Yeah. And, and, and. You have a, get there at Gage?

No, no. If you meet, when, someday you'll meet George, we, we plan on having some parties around here. on having some parties around here, you'll understand where the nickname comes from. Straight George. It's a nickname that completely makes sense when you meet straight George. So it was actually really fun. It was awesome. Getting there, it was one of the best experience.

It was the best wedding I've ever been to, the most fun I've had. They chartered a boat. We fucking went on a little, little fucking sunset cruise. This fucking crew, literally the captain, the captain and his two fucking boys, they just, they paused, middle of the day, they stopped the boat, fucking pull out a grill. cook fresh pork chops, cook a fresh, fucking chop up a fresh salad. It was like one of the best meals I've had. Then you swim, you jump off the boat, swim to the beach and watch the fucking sunset.

It was beautiful, right? But getting there was a pain in the ass. And a lot of people couldn't make it because it is fucking annoying, right? So I understand being like, oh, well, isn't it, wouldn't it be nice to have everybody together? And I get that. But if you're saying, look, I think here was your mistake was saying the wedding is in Puerto Rico. What you say is we're going to have two weddings. We're going to have a small vacation elopement.

And then we're going to, for whoever wants to come to Puerto Rico and enjoy the beach, whatever, we want, we think that would be fun. And then we want to, we don't want to, this is the, this is how you should have. What you should have done, here's how you spin the reception. You're like, if we do a full, full formal reception here at fucking St. Anthony's or whatever the fuck, and you know we we go to like the nicest fucking italian whatever these fucking gumbas want you to do you could say well you know we'd have to cut people and you have to and then not everybody can come but this way we're going to have a very small ceremony for just the closest family and whoever can make it and if you can't make it no big deal and we want to have an even bigger ceremony that's a

slightly less formal so that we can have everybody in the whole fucking family that and if you can try and re-spin it if you can try and redo that and be like all right you guys you guys guys were right. We don't want anybody to miss anything. So we're just going to split it into. And what might help your dumb Italian family is to give the religious ceremony to them, right? Like get a priest or get someone to get those fucking idiots seeing a ceremony. And they might think, well, all right, good. At least they didn't give the Hispanics the real wedding. You know what I mean? Like, that might be what your dumb fucking father thinks. And if you're like, and if you just go and do like a beautiful on the beach, that's how I would handle it personally.

because this is, I just think you fucked up because you said we're gonna lope and have a party or whatever and have reception. You should have said, we want to have two weddings. And I do think if you, I think I would give them the bargaining chip

of the quote unquote real ceremony happening in wherever Bayonne, New Jersey or wherever the fuck you're calling from and have the Puerto Rico thing be more of like a, in fact, you might even want to swap them and be like, we want to have our honeymoon in Puerto Rico, So why don't we do a beautiful ceremony for, like there's a lot of little tricks you can be

here, I think. You better. You better than you. I was a great. I was just going to say, man. Go to Puerto Rico Barone and you're telling him. You're grown-ass man. I actually, I fully agree with you, right?

Yeah. Like that is the actual answer at the end of this is like, and if they're still being fucking weird about it, and she'd be like, all right, well, listen, fuck you. Yeah. I love my lady. I'm doing that. Yeah, yeah. You know what I'm doing.

You can come or you don't got to come. And I know that sucks because, again, This is just, this is why family's fucking annoying, right? It's like they, because if it's not your family, you would just be like, okay, suck my dick. I don't care what you think. But you're going to have to put up with these people for the rest of your fucking life. It's your mom, your mom, your mom, your policies. Right, right, right.

And so that's why I would try a diplomatic approach, which basically is just kind of like jangling your keys in front of your Italian family and being like, it's totally different. Look at this. You know what I mean? It's exactly what you don't want, but what you want to? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or get like a, yeah. And then, you know, really like, who's a, get fucking one of the real housewives from New Jersey as a celebrity guest at the fucking reception.

Give them something. Feed a little meat to the Italians. What do they want? What, like, what can we, you know, make it all lasagna, whatever the reception is? But I would say that. Give them some token so they feel like they're heard. And, but ultimately, you know, you got it. We say this all the time.

When you get married, you have to. to understand that's your family now, right? And it's, I'm not saying your family family, isn't your, but like your unit, your like nuclear family is you and your wife. And your family goes from mattering the most to now there is someone that matters less than that, or more than them, right? And so at the end of the day, you also have to set the precedent of like, hey, I love you guys. And I'm going to try as best I can to make you happy. But if you, if what you want is directly at odds with what me and my wife want, you lose that, right? A lot of people get very cucked by their family and are just like such cowards. And this is a really important

time for you to be like, here's how the rest of my life is going to go. I'm not waiting. I'm not going to fuck. I'm not going to care what the fuck you. I am your son, but I'm not your little child anymore. That's real. And you got to get off my dick and let me have my wedding the way I want to. But I think you can figure it out both. I think you do both pretty easily. Just it's a matter of PR, my friend. It's seeing how stubborn it is is people. Totally, totally. What do you want to do a fucking sunset Universal Studios wedding?

What do you want to do? Yeah. I say I do on the Hulk. That's my name. Come back as a man. Yeah, really? The ride that almost claimed you as a boy, now it'll be the first ride you take with your wife. That's the blame. Al Pacino next, you scrambling his balls.

Actually, invite Al Pacino to your wedding. Have him nut in one of your cousins. They'll never forget it. Now you fused your family with the Pacino bloodline. They'll love you for a. You go to Puerto Rico as many times you want. They'll start eating Tostones now. They'll fucking, you know what I mean?

Give us another, Eld. Hey, Stavi. Hey, Eldis. I'm just looking for some advice. A pretty long story short. I was in a friends with benefit situation for like four or five years, a lot longer than I should have. It got messy in the end.

And then I ended up moving five hours away from home. That's good. And when I moved, we didn't talk a lot. You didn't, okay, she didn't talk. I was going to say, let me guess. You didn't take that as a clear opportunity to break this off and move to a new, like, situation. But anyway, let's see what she has to say. And when I moved, we didn't talk a lot.

And I ended up being a guy here, started dating. Great. We got engaged. Awesome. We were engaged for about four years. Shit. And then we got out of... Which, by the way, is just a situation with a ring.

She has the worst enough. It's just friends with benefit. I mean, no. Five years in a friends with benefits. Who five hours away met that other guy's cousin. Yeah. I love you for real. Yeah, yeah.

This is going to be great. But also, I'm not ready for much after this. Honestly, the prolonged engagement is maybe one of the... the most cowardly things a man can do. Because it's also like, here, fuck it, damn. That's exactly what that is. And have this, it. It's totally.

And you're lying to them. You're making them think, because that is a problem. I don't, you know, I'm not, it's not a traditional show by any means, right? I don't have a traditional lifestyle. Don't believe most of that shit. But I do think when you get engaged, that is a actual promise to spend the rest of your life with someone. And when you're like, yeah, yeah, this will just fucking buy me some time.

That's a scumbag move. And the deal for four years is fucking crazy. Let's finish. Let's see if we're missing anything. And then we called it off and broke up a few months ago. Oh, tough. And I've just kind of been single, but I started thinking about this old Friends with Benefits guy. And I have been thinking of reaching back out to him. Oh, he's five hours away.

Because he'd be like, hey. Yeah, expensive gashes right now? Fuck it. I think, fuck it. Let's let her finish. Get by a place. Hey, when I come back home and visit. like, do you want to fuck around again?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. But I had to block him on multiple social media. Oh, wait a minute. Girl, that's your fucking answer right there. Yeah, my ex-fiancee because he was reaching out. And it was causing problems in that relationship. Hilarious. So I guess I'm kind of asking how I unblock someone and start talking to them again.

Oh, it's easy. Well, yeah. I mean, listen. Yeah, what? The good news is. If a woman that used to hate used to suck me off unblocks, you think I'm mad? Why is that be upset? Can I come over and fuck you?

I'd be like, yes. I knew it, you fucking bitch. You were coming back. Just fucking wiping Doritos off my shit. Be like, fucking whore. Couldn't resist me. No, I'd be much more respectful. And if anybody's in that situation and thinking about unblocking me and hitting me up,

do it. Exactly. Yeah. Same for everybody. Anyone like that. For real. So that's the good news. The good news is you're ready to rock if you want to do this.

It's all of your ball in your court, baby. The bad news is we cannot tell you. We cannot counsel you to do this. This guy clearly was a, you said it got messy. It was five years. When you were fucking engaged, he's DMing you. You're like, I get it. I understand the impulse to go to something familiar.

And if you set very, here's the other good news is if you set really clear boundaries. Yeah. If you're like, look, do you want to go up? Here's the thing. I just got to have a, well, I just got everything. I just want this to be purely physical. I don't even want to fucking talk to you otherwise. But it would be nice to just clear out the cobwebs from my pussy.

Can you do that? Can I tell you? Again. The answer is going to be for him. Exactly. 1000. Of course. One of the most 1,000% no-brainer yeses of all time. It's almost what I'm describing when what you could do is like a pathetic teenage fantasy. Yeah. Like it's when you jack off to shit like that, when you're like, you know, maybe you come up on an Instagram store and you're like,

oh man, I wish you let me fuck again. And you're like, what if she just knocked on my door and asked to suck me off and no strings attached? I mean, it's like that never happens. And if it did, some guys listen better men of higher moral standing than us might turn it down this guy ain't one of those nah this guy ain't even that this guy's fucking worse than we are he's a bad guy he's a fucking piece of shit clearly he's a piece of shit he'll call you back and be like i want him mad we only got to do no four play yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah cool. I'll just have my VR goggles on the whole time. So, but again, I don't think you should do this. I do think, like, I think there's a way for you to get, you know, I think there's a way for you to hook up.

Finding you friends with benefits, you're a rebound off of an engagement is a classic. If you want to stay out of a relationship, it's so easy to, if you're hooking up with someone and they want to make it like serious. Yeah. You can be like, I just got out of it. It's just not time for me. Five-year relationship. I can't. So you, and again, this is way more, way more important

than the opposite gender dynamics. Usually, usually, like I tell my divorced male friends, like you have the Mario star for staying out of a relationship for two years. Once you're divorced and any girl wants to date, you'd be like, just got divorced. Just I ain't got no. Too easy.

I would, too soon I couldn't do it. So that's my advice to you. I would say, I don't think, I think it's easy for a, you know, a nice young woman like yourself to find a fuck buddy also it could be in your town now if you're thinking look i don't live there anymore i would be in and out i but i just don't show she go home in general i know in general i just think dredging shit up like this very rarely works now it is pretty hot i will also say fucking someone you're not supposed to it's new and familiar at the

same time. Kind of incredible. Kind of an awesome nut to let off. But this is a, we're talking a decade of your fucking life. Yeah. We're talking nine fucking years. What if? What if?

Yeah. They fuck again. Yeah. And they like really like locked in. It's possible, I suppose. Hallmark, White Trash Hallmark movie. Yeah, I just needed somebody to fuck. Yeah.

Yeah. That's another thing that's possible. And I do believe in love and that's, but this was a, this is a thing that was like messy at the end, five years, whatever. Yeah. Now, I do think it's possible for people who break up. Like, when people try and get back together too quick, that shit never works. But if you break up with someone, spend time, you both go off into different directions and maybe you grow into people that are more compatible in better times. You're like, that's possible.

You're a real diplomat, dog. I can never do nothing like this. You have great, like, oh, I'm like, hey, man, go back that fuck that nigger hang out. Go ahead the whole time. No, you fucked enough, though. It has to be one of those things where you're like, if enough time has passed. This makes a bunch of shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, everything you're doing is it's perfect. What you're describing is this is too fresh. Yeah. Come see me in four years about this girl. After you've got, you know what I mean? Who knows what kind of fucking, what kind of backup S&L dancer pussy you've gotten?

What kind of doja cat's backup dancers you've gotten sucked off by by then? You know what I mean? Like, who knows? You've had so many experience. is that you don't even care about that guy's a fuck you know the guy she fucked or whatever you're like who cares like that's what I'm saying you actually proved my point because when you have that feeling jump out it can never work but when it's totally done and maybe completely because I don't know who had the feelings for who back then yeah but it sounds like for you this is completely done you don't

fucking care about this guy I suppose it's possible the fact that he was reaching out and you had to block him is a huge problem he was not that much if this guy was just dormant and you just hit him up, and when you go home, it's different. If it was a friends with benefits that ended on slightly better terms and this guy wasn't a pest in your life, I would say, I would be much more open to this, right? But this is a little tricky. You sound too, and the thing is you sound so depressed

and down in the dumps that this is... You're trying to drink water from the poison as well. The old pussy well, I mean, for me, this. metaphor actually we actually straight george helped me develop it it is drinking from the poison well when you're so thirsty you're like i know there's fucking larva and maggots and fucking and whatever in that well but i'll just i'll put some leaves i'll filter it like that and you know what i mean it'll be better and no then you fucking you have diarrhea in the woods after that yeah go fucking get a fresh stream get a new source of dick don't do this i think that's but if you do we told you how to so you have both

options. The ball is in your court. Here's with another one, little eld. Hey, what's up, Stav? Eldest, guest, love the show. Rerecording to make this a little bit more concise. Basically, I have a question about Greek food and racism. I'm a black man living near the Greek town of a major city.

I love Greek food, but I keep having these, like, bad racist experiences with Greek restaurants. Fuck, dude. And he's so right. Like, I have no. He's just, I don't know. that I have the answer, bro. Wait, what? I'm sorry.

I mean, a lot of Greek people are racist as fuck. Truly. I've been to two smaller, very authentic, kind of like mom and pop shops. They have delicious, authentic food, but, like, terrible, like, weird vibes. I'm talking, like, me getting ignored by servers. Fuck, dude. This sucks. Getting, like, wordless stares from the staff and, like, the old Greek people eating there.

People, like, openly. shitting on other races and like mocking people with Indian accents. So I feel like I've been burned. Yeah, that's a tough. And I'm about to give up. But my main question is next time I crave Greek food, should I like expect different from a larger restaurant along the main street of the Greek town? This is tough. Tucked away mom and pop shops.

Listen, how? I don't want to be naive here. You know, I've been, I'm sure I've been fed food. by a lot of racist. Of course. But am I going wrong by hitting up these smaller

local shops? Anyway, love the show and that's one of the most popular Greek podcasters. You clearly, you know,

have to answer for the racism of all Greek people everywhere. This is a tough one. You know, let me know what you think. Thank you. Yeah, I mean,

listen, brother, how authentic do you want the food? You know what I mean? Like, like, like, like,

like, like, like, like, how authentic do you want the food? Because your instincts are correct. If you go to a place that's a larger restaurant that has an advertising budget, they are business first, food and racism second. When you go, and I've always said the best Greek food, you don't want it, you want things to be fucked up.

You don't want a good Greek restaurant to have an advertising budget. You don't want the graphic design of the restor, the menus to make sense. You want it, fuck it. You want the AC broken. You want it to be one guy and his fat wife or cousin. You can't tell. Like, she's the one, she's the waitress. He's fucking, he's cooking you fucking lamb chops and his fucking, you know, knuckle hairs are getting on it, right?

That's what you want. And unfortunately, for the best food. And unfortunately, those guys, what do you think they think? What do you think their fucking perspective on other cultures is? They live in America and they don't speak English still. They don't even like white American culture. You think they're, you think they're gonna open up on Indian?

I wish it was different. I'm not saying it's good or correct. And now I'm thinking, I'm thinking to my favorite Greek restaurant in Baltimore, which is a, it used to be a coffee shop where the guy just used to cook for his friends sometimes. And it was so good that he just was like, fuck it.

I guess I'm a restaurant now. They're not as bad. is this, but would they, would they give him a couple like, huh, if an Indian guy walked in? Yes, they would. Now, my guys wouldn't do the voice in front of you, but they would be like, oh, when he leaves. This guy's black for the record. He's black. Oh, yeah, yeah. I thought he, I thought he said Indian voice. He said, oh, you're right, he said other cultures, but he's black, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I'd love to know the city, because that also matters. Because it's like, because it is funny. A lot of, a lot of Greek towns are in like these major.

East Coast urban hubs, they're like Baltimore. I mean, the big, the ones I know are Baltimore, Chicago, Detroit, like, you know. This is interesting. Maybe we'll bleep it, but it's the area. Oh, that's even, that's even more interesting. That makes a lot of sense as well. But it's very diverse. I was just there.

Yeah, but it is, but that's the thing. That's the thing. When something is so diverse that you have a lot of authentic subcultures, they stay racist. They stay racist in a like, let's just, you know. this is how things go. It's like, it's kind of like how the like, you know, like the neighborhoods here. It's like Little Italy, that kind of thing. It's like within, we're in a, New York's diverse, but you go to the wrong part of, especially

not now anymore, but like when Little Lily was bigger, you'd think black guys were getting great service little Italy just because New York is diverse. You know what I mean? So now, I do think, yes, if you go to the bigger place where they have a business idea, where they care about profits, the food will be worse. but the treatment will be better. And I really have no excuse here. And I will say, my advice to you would be like that, because I've said it before, if you

go to Greece, you will get sort of whimsical racism. You'll get like, you'll get like, like, you'll get people calling you Michael Jordan and. And. But also that's like, nah. Totally, totally. But that's the problem is when you combine how much of a novelty it is to see a person of a different race in Europe with. just, you know, the culture of America is racist.

You know what I mean? Like, so it's like, you know, when you combine that into like, you know, I don't know, dude. So my advice would be, hmm. Yeah, man, it's door dash it. And then pick a white name. Yeah, pick a generic name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Say it's for John.

John Smith. Yeah. Thank you very much. I mean, bro. I really wish I had something else, but I'm thinking about my favorite restaurants in Baltimore's Greek town, and of the four, one is not racist. Is it the best one? Yeah, I would say it's one of the best one.

I think it's arguable. It's what you're going for. It's like some people do certain things better. But it's also the one that is like, it's pretty off. It is authentic, but it is, they've been around the longest. They're the best business. So yeah, the better the business, the less racism. because racism is bad business, right?

Yeah. So, but the food will be worse. So I would say door dash the authentic stuff. And if you're out on a date, go to the fucking place that's run well. That's what I do. Because they have, you know, they have fucking taken out the racism by then. Business has forced them to take out the, profits and losses has forced them to take it out. But man, that is just embarrassing and you are completely right. That's hilarious.

And it is, that is what my fucking countrymen are like. I mean, it is funny because a lot of. It's funny that conservatives don't like immigrants, because immigrants are the most racist, homophobic people in the world. First generation, guys from Africa, you're like, greet. It's like, you think they're chill? You think Muslims are cool with trans people? You should want more.

If you're a fucking idiot transphobe. But that's the thing. They're too fucking stupid to understand they could have multicultural Nazis. They could have, like, they could build a multicultural culture coalition of people that hate who they hate, but unfortunately that is the problem with racists and transphobes. They're fucking stupid. So, you know, I hope that you never catch on.

Fuck you guys. Yeah. Fuck y'all. Hit us, hit us. And, oh, fuck, should I have said that? Nah, they're pretty fucking homophobic. Yeah. It do a big thing when I get to a point of life, but I was like, I have to watch.

You know what, bleep it out. I think that. I'm saying, no, this shit gets, this shit gets scared. I'm saying like, what should I say? I think keeping it general was good, keeping it the continents of Europe and Africa's fine, but I don't want to zero in on the, the, you name like seven countries. I didn't, we've bleeped it out. It was both Europe and Africa.

And I sat here and just smiled. I think I might be worse. You ain't going to say shit, damn. Hey, man, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just vibing. Let's not We'll get it Uh fuck Got something fun for us to go out on Eldis?

Yeah Hi Stavi Hi Elvis Hi Guess I have a completely hypothetical question But it would be great if you guys had Like a male Um

Guest to answer as well So me and my best friend Have been best friend since 11 We came up with this idea When we were high as hell In our early 20s I am a bisexual woman And my best friend at the time

With a lesbian But now she's being a trans friend friends man, so I guess maybe it still applies. Interesting. I am low-key-Hikia Cook, and I came up with this idea of my future husband, impregnating my best friend, as well as myself, just because, of course, the husband is a husband. Now she's with a trans man, so she can't have kids with her current partner. And I was like, our best, our kids could be cousins, siblings, best friends.

They would be siblings. They wouldn't be cousins. They'd be half siblings. But anyway, keep going. Best friends. And every time I bring it up to a guy, I've only brought it up to guys a handful of times. But they have not a problem with it, but they think they have to think about it. It is weird.

Because they're like, I don't know if I could be so close to a child that's mine and I'm not raising them. What do you guys think? Is this a possibility? Can this work? It doesn't have to be a sister-wife situation. We're not going to share my man. Besides sexually, maybe a few times. Oh, this is awesome.

What do you think? Can this work? I wish this is me as crazy. Oh man, it sounds so fucking cool, man. Ashley, the telecombe me, person. Now, maybe there's something fucked up about my psychology. This sounds fucking awesome. I would say it sounded cool and 10 that she brought the point of the dude.

It was like, I just want to raise. Yeah, like, what if they're like, yeah, what if they're like? I don't want to raise both of them. But what if, yeah, what if they raise your kid and they're like, no, you can't watch fucking, you can't watch sports. You know what if you got to, you know what if I had a kid I wouldn't want and if you know my friends, I wouldn't want them to play football but it's like I would like the kid to like play some sports, do some shit.

Or what if they're like, in my case, what if they're like, I mean, these type of people wouldn't do that, but what if they're like, we're going to raise them devoutly religious? And I'm now realizing you never told us the type of Christian that Cam's family is because you're a fucking bad producer. That was an hour and 20 minutes ago almost, but that's okay. But yeah, I guess I'm realizing like there's a couple of problems here. One, what if they want to raise your kid in a completely different way than you would want to? But I feel like these people would all be pretty aligned.

They'd be close. What if there's a falling out? Like, I've been cool since 11, but what if you're not like my kid is like. And then what if, and here's the other thing, you're biologically this kid's fucking dad. What if there's a falling out? And then this woman's like, and I'm suing you for child support. And they're like, wait, I thought you said I just nutting you and you guys raise it. That, to me, it's honestly the legal and the life's, the legal thing is the thing that would trip me up the most.

Imagine that telling that to a judge. Listen, your honor. I was getting, I was while getting double top, she said, would you just want a nutting my friend? And what am I going to say, no? Come on. Your honor, I do the, what am I, a bitch defense? Come on, y'all. Please, come on, girl.

Come on, you put those up in my shoes right now. Both these ladies giving you head One of them going, hey, let in need. Come on, dog. I would like to get my lawyer files for petition to have this transfer to bro court.

I would like to reconvene MTV2's bro code and have John Gabris be the one who weighs in on this. Yeah, DeStefano and Gabris. I would like the tribunal of them to weigh in on this. But, yeah, as a fantasy, it's incredible. It's a great fantasy. As a fantasy, you're a cuck, and it's like, I want you to, like, you know,

impregnate my, you know, and have like, because I do, sometimes I do think, and maybe it's because I made the cult movie and I was like researching it and shit. And I was like, it would be kind of awesome to have, like, a sex cult where everybody, you just fuck everybody and they're like, you're the man. We love you. You know what I mean? And so for me, this as a fantasy really works. But yes, I think the legalities of it are actually what's tripping me up.

Yeah. The falling out, falling out is big because it's like maybe you could be okay with being an active participant in this kid's life. Because essentially, even though it's not your kid. And by the way, if this girl's friend is with a trans man who can't get, then they can get pregnant. You're essentially a donor, which is no problem there, right? Does that change the legality? I think if you fuck or, I don't know. I feel like if you do this, I would assume they would do like, you know, proper

guardianships or whatever. But all that shit. Yes, but none of us know what that is. And none of us know if that holds up in court with a, like, because sometimes they, they could just be like, well, let's do a DNA test. You know what I mean? And we don't know if like, like the way prenups actually don't matter sometimes, depending on state law, whatever agreement you have might not matter is what I'm saying.

And if you, I would just, now look, if you could get this air tight, these are the thing, I probably would still want to, and we had a following on, they asked for money. I'd be like, of course I would. You just, you're more than an uncle to this kid. Yes. You're an uncle plus, basically. It's like, you, I mean, explain to it to the kids.

Sometimes you, yeah, yeah, truly. That's actually a really good. So, wait a minute, you're not my dad, but you, listen, let me tell you something. No, no, your dad is your dad. I'm the guy who fucked your mom. No, no, your dad can't nut jiz. I can. Come ahead.

Come here, a two girl looking at you at the same time. So, yeah, I would, this is what, that is,

that's a tough one. I think ultimately I could be swayed if the situation was correct, but you are asking an insane thing. It's a lot.

I mean, it's crazy. But I do, I do like the fact of being a donor. Donors nice. That's cool. And getting to do it

old fashion's nice. Yeah. So, yeah, looking at it is more of a donor situation, I think works. Because she never said how her,

how her friend's man feels. I assume he's on board or else, how would the fuck would they even have this discussion? Very true. And also, so, yeah, I would, but from a general person, she's basically just asking us, like, our general perspective, you are asking an insane thing that is a hard needle to thread. So I would say, of course they need to think about it.

And now I think how you warm them up is like, Like, fuck, you know, take, maybe start with the fantasy and be like, and you say, hey, one day this is what I've always thought about and be like, and you know, I don't know if I really want to do it, but why don't we just like, all fuck and it'll be hot or whatever? And it's like, start with the fantasy because like, that could really loosen up my stance. I understand. You know what I mean? Like, that's a very powerful tool of persuasion.

Say, I'm fucking a later that I want to have a kid with. And then I'm also fucking her friend. Yeah. And then she just go ahead by the way. if you want nut at both heads. At the moment of having sex, I'm like, I do whatever y'all want. Yeah, absolutely. Whatever y'all need for me to do.

Donor? Yeah, whatever. It's kind of the same impulse is lying when you know you don't have to. It's like, don't know. What do you do? Like, the part of your head's like, you don't need to do this. Don't just fucking nut. Just nut in the air.

Pull out, dog. Yeah, pull out. Pull out. This could be still as awesome. But that same part, those parts of the brain are connected. Oh. The promise of potential double pussy in the future would be a nice carrot to dangle. And would as well.

But that is, that's a sense, but that, those are, those are the, the arrows in your quiver. Yeah. It's, and the thing is, do you really want to extort a man with pussy to have two children? I don't know that you do. I don't know that that's, and again, we are not a, we are not a, uh, a family values, small C conservative show here. We are very, very open-minded. And I would consider this, but it would take a lot of consideration.

And it would have to feel right and everything would have to. And it is what you're asking is hard. But to fuck both of you, that's the easiest thing. Hey, very simple. So start there. That is going to do for us, Cam. Thank you so much. This is so funny.

You've got to come back, my friend. We should have said, do you have anything to plug? You're on the road. But this will come out later. This will come out like October. Yeah. So, you know. Oh, shit.

Hey, catch my Instagram. I'm on a rule. You can go to my Instagram at Campof Funny. And I got CancalfoFoney. And I got cancer fun. I love it. You can get tickets. Check out Cam.

Fucking hilarious. Go see him on the road. It is, I was telling you earlier, it's nice to see, like, you're fucking working your ass off on the, on the, on the S&L hiatus. You're on the road. That's fucking important, man, because, like, that job's awesome, obviously, and it leads to a lot of stuff. But you see a lot of comics kind of fucking stop hitting the road when they get, and not just

SNL, a lot of jobs, right? A lot of acting shit. And so I like seeing somebody who fucking, you know, you're getting everything out of it that you should. So go see Cam on the road, watch his stuff. and we will catch you guys next time. Bye-bye.