Stavvy's World - #201 - John Wilson

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

John Wilson joins the pod to discuss his new movie The History of Concrete, hatmogging Stav, his Long Island emo phase, his early canon of Hi8 Johnsterpieces, discovering the self-healing properties of ancient Roman concrete, working for a PI, his warning to James Cameron, and much more. John and Stav help callers including a woman whose deadbeat mom is dating and living with her next door neighbor after the caller had to kick her out, and a man wondering if he should try to fulfill his ultimate nerd fantasy by making a move on a hot voice actress at an anime convention.Watch John Wilson’s new movie The History of Concrete in theaters now!Follow John Wilson on social media:https://www.johnsmovies.com/https://www.instagram.com/peepingjohn/Thanks to our sponsors!!Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW!Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!!Ridge - Get 10% Off Ridge with code STAVVY at https://www.Ridge.com/STAVVYChubbies - Your new wardrobe awaits! Get $20 off Chubbies with the code stavvy at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stavvy☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!🎤 Watch Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld🎟️ See Stavvy live!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Ohpah! Welcome everyone to Stavvy's World 904-800-stop. Call the Stavis hotline sponsored by Visible. We'll solve all your problems. We have on the couch today, very pumped John Wilson on the couch. Honestly, the only time we've been pissed at a guest for outdoing me, I've been brutally hat-mogged on my own. To be, and look, I know it's an audio medium, half of you have no idea what's going on. John is wearing one of the most tremendous pieces of head where I've ever come across.

He's wearing a novelty. Sailor's cap. It says Captain Hornie on it. It was a gift. It was a gift. What did you do to earn that hat, John? I think I was, yeah. You were a horny lieutenant first?

Maybe I just had a bad haircut. No, no. How dare you? That's a beautiful. That actually does... I know you would like it. That's why I'm worried. I really appreciate that.

Let you know where I stood. I appreciate that you're pro-warnie. You know what? Which is interesting because people might not know that looking at you. Because you do, you have as a... Yeah, you look at my movies. You look at... True.

Yeah. But as a, I think maybe as a... What's the fucking... The guy who looks, the voyeur. The documentarian is a voyeur by nature. Yeah. I think it's, yeah. It's kind of funny that...

you know, I think documentarians don't always, you know, they're not always forward about, of course. You know, the kind of perversion of the documentary. The document, perhaps at its core is a perversion, which I appreciate about your work, you know, because you. It's funny to lean into it. It is funny to lean into it. And I think you have this beautiful, like, you have an invisibility cloak of looking like a

mild-mannered guy. Normal guy. Normal guy, but there's a sick fog in there. It's a real fun. There's a real horny captain in there. I know. Yeah, you develop a sickness over the years as a nonfiction filmmaker. Absolutely.

And I like it because I like what it's when you just, a little glimpse, just a little glimpse. I mean, and also as. I should wear this more. Yeah. When I go out and shoot, I feel like, I feel like. You'll get different, you'll get different people coming up to you if you have a camera and you got Captain Hornie on. It would be awesome of just one thing you do just if you, the way you cut into these insane people's lives from time to time, one of them is just pornographer.

Just P&V on camera. I just, I got to find the right network. We're getting there, dude. The point where nothing means anything anymore, we're going to get to like, there's just a feed that everyone posts everything on. There's just a chronological web. We're getting to the slop conveyor belt, and we're all eventually will just put our stuff into like one, you know, oh, the feet. It will be called the feed. I mean, I predict, I feel like I predicted this to myself. Oh, yeah. A little, you know, just, I think before AI was like a real thing. I was like, you're just going to have the thing you want to see. It is, it is made. Like, it is made somehow. And then it just, you watch it. And then everyone just sees what they want.

You know, but like, I don't know, I feel like that we're halfway there. We're in a very strange period with AI and stuff right now where everything's just kind of misspelled and like a little off. I know. Even someone who hates AI and is against it, we are up against. It's a real foe. Like the idea, like, I love being like, fuck AI. It's not going to work.

And on some level, I do think when push comes to shove, it is missing. There is just a intangible element. it will always miss. But that could also just be like human romanticization. And the reality is, no, it's not. And nothing we do is actually that impressive. And eventually computers will figure out. And it'll do.

And yes, I will be able to watch John Wick fight Goku someday. You know what I mean? Like, because of it's possible that they do that. And then Boma comes out and she pulls her tits out. Yeah. That would be awesome. That's what you want. Yeah.

And then at the end, after I beat all. They like to show me like steak videos. It kind of just takes, honestly, what's going to happen is they'll take your feet. Yeah, my feet is all like chicks with huge tits, people grilling steak. Yeah. And then like clips from Dragon Balls. I've gotten into a dragon ballsy. I'm kind of reconnecting with my youth right now.

I don't know. Yeah, yeah. And so I've gone back to comforting things. So that's... Yeah, no problem. Huge tits, grilled meats and, you know, DZ. What was it?

Did you have a, did you, I, I remember there was an episode where you had a bunch of Matrix action figures. Oh, yeah. But what was your like obsession as a, as like a teen or like young kid or whatever? Were you a DBC guy? I was a DBC guy. Hell yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I like, I like DBC a lot. Yeah. I think that's actually culturally what, there is no greater bond for millennial men than Dragon Balls, across all creeds, religions and cultures. I mean, how, that's how I just, chomping at the business. to chime in. Well, I was just gonna say, I don't even like anime and shit. Me neither.

Even I fucked with DBC. Everyone did. And like, and black guys did too. Not just anime black guys. Like cool black guys like D.BZ. Mexicans love, you'll go to Mexico City and see a mural of Goku. Like, like hanging out with fucking Jesus.

Like, Goku will be doing a bicycle kick and like Mother Teresa will be fucking getting scored on in Mexico. You know what I mean? Like, there is something. And I would love to know other cultures because I bet you there's random nations that love Goku that we don't even fucking know about.

The history of Goku, that's your next fucking movie. Okay, yeah. Sorry. I don't know. I don't want to go to ComicCon or anything. Yeah, that's true. What if you did it or non-comic?

Actually, Goku in his non-anim zones is a kind of a, I'm not telling you to do it. You have your own fucking... Non-animay zones. Like go... Like Mexico City.

Like, you know... You've... Yeah, just throw any ideas you got, just throw out. Let's pitch. Yeah, yeah. And we should say the movie John is actually here to promote is the history of concrete, which is really fucking good.

I was, they sent me, I got sent a screener and I watched, I watched it so fucking high. I was like, damn, this is awesome. And the next day, I was like, let me formulate some opinions and questions. And I was like, wait, I don't fucking remember a single thing that happened. And then I went and watched it in theaters that day because I was like, fuck yeah, dude. I know I like this. And I also want to experience it. I even tried watching. it twice high? No. For real, I've watched your movie three times. Wow. I mean, that's the way to do it. Yeah, it actually, I think there's something to that. Yeah, I think, yeah, you just kind of just let it, yeah, I don't know. I think it's cool to see it in the I have C though. It feels more transgressive.

I feel like it shouldn't be there. I know what you mean. Yeah, yeah. It's fun because it's a comedy, because the laughs are interesting because you have an understated style that is fucking hilarious, and a lot of it is a lot of the humor for me is like you're caught off guard by how quickly you fucking you basically speaking of Goku you basically instant transmission into different worlds yeah and like in one moment you're at a grocery store the next moment you know a guy's got maybe one of my favorite things in the world is when that guy's got his cock on his headboard and we just see speaking we just see some guys kind of big cock get his foreskin stressed and he's just a my old man or dad. He had a beautiful member. Has, has. Has. Has. He still with us. Yeah, but he's,

but he stopped making the four skin restoration device. No. Yeah. Like he, uh, I thought that the episode would kind of help boost his sales. Absolutely. The T.C. Tugger. Yeah. It's over. The T.C. T. Tugger's done. It's, yeah, he stopped production and, um, I think he laid off his one of them or two employees. And then now he's busking. Last I heard he was busking around England doing his foreskin restoration songs on the street. Didn't he have a wife and children? He does, yeah, but they're, I don't know. I get there out of the house.

He's living his best life, I think. Empty nester. I don't know. I still have my TLC Tugger, but I... You're clipped, I assume. I, yeah, I'm clipped. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you ever try the Tugger out?

The Tugger was tough because I didn't, like, I would have needed to... It's not fit to me. Right. You have to have it kind of, you need, he needs to take, like, kind of measurements of your. Oh, he needs to, the guy. Well, you send him in. I don't know. I never did before.

He sent me a stock. God, Tugger. So I haven't like, I haven't, like, I, I assume it doesn't fit. Yeah, right. Because my penis is either big or too small. You'll never know. That's this guy. That's why this guy's a great artist.

He just said it won't fit. It's up to the eye of the beholder to know why. He's got to, yeah, but, you know, there's a lot of, you know, Dragon Ball kind of in the work, you know, a lot of powering up. There is a lot of powering up. Yeah. You know, that's kind of what concrete, you know, that's in there too. I don't know. Yeah.

Well, I was just saying, like, watching, yes, it was awesome to see it. And if you're in New York, you should go see it at IFC. If they're playing it somewhere, because it is cool to see. I mean, also just like you're around people that would go see the movie, people you agree, some. There's like a weird sense of community when you see something in a place different than normal. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like people like your show, you know, for years, the show you had was how to with John Wilson.

Great. If you haven't seen it, fucking watch that. I don't know. You probably don't make any fucking money anymore off that, do you? I don't know, not really. Do you get a little dime when they go to HBO Max? The WGA sends me some checks sometimes. Oh, okay.

But it's not really that much anymore. That's fuck, dude. Yeah. So actually, fuck watching. How to do. I don't know. Watch history. No, no, you should watch it because it's good. None of it makes any sense to me. I don't like. Yeah. It's just like everything is, I don't know, whatever.

Yeah, you kind of have to make shit and hope somehow it leads to money. Yeah. Again, I don't know how this happened, that this is the only, this is the only industry that makes money in entertainment. I don't know how podcasting the worst one. Truly the least artful form of art there ever was. Like, what if radio was shittier is the question? Yeah. How did we become the, the only thing when it's like, yeah, your shit is, you'll follow. And another thing I love is you'll just randomly just, I love the, just needle it, like, not needling, but like, just kind of seeing how far people will take it politely though. You're never in anybody's face, but you'll, you'll randomly ask someone to go on a road trip

with them, for example. Yeah. Or you'll ask someone, or you'll fly to Rome. Yeah. Because you heard the Roman Empire had self-healing concrete, which one of my favorite parts the documentary. I know. Yeah, it was nice to have the different languages in this, in this picture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, trying to communicate with, like, Italian cops is like really great for comedy. Yes, yes, yes, yes. They were awesome. Those guys were great, and then you try, and they did have self-healing concrete, which is fucking fascinating. Yeah, that's the lie or some shit. It was like rainwater.

Yeah, like volcanic ash and like the limestone, I don't know, some. Every time it ranged. A mixture, it would self-heal if there was a crack. Again, this is like how the pitches went, which is why. Yeah. Like, that's just why we didn't like have any money for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you're just like giving people like real like kind of reference textbook facts about.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And concrete and ecological kind of horror stories about it. Yeah. But and then by the end of it, like they're, they're just so bored. Yeah.

I mean, it's a weird pitch. Yeah, because then it's hard to say all that stuff and then say like, but something funny, it's going to happen. Yeah, yeah. Which it shouldn't be, by the way, because like, of course, like, it's the set, like you're like, this is the setup.

All concrete is the setup, and you find the series of punchlines throughout it. You find the humanity, you find the like, that's the whole thing. And if these fucking dumbasses had seen one episode of your show, they would, they should understand what you were going. No, it doesn't. If I had to like pitch any other titles, any other like episodes from the show the same way to concrete, it would have been just as hard. Yeah.

You know, where it's like, you, it's, I'm like, I don't know what's going to happen, you know. Yeah. Yeah. But this will take roughly a year or two. You know, and I'm just going to, you know, follow whatever is. funny. I don't know. How many, it was a couple years? How long? Yeah, it's like two, two and a half years. Okay. It's good. It's fucking awesome. It's hilarious. Oh, yeah, sure. And we, I do want to go back though, before, I do want to close the loop on you were a DBZ guy. What other stuff were you

into as a child? What, what was the, what was the type of shit you were playing with? Playing with. Or that like, you know, piqued your interest as a young, as a young boy. I think I was, I don't know, I was always a movie kid. Okay. I always had like movies around. Yeah, I don't know. VHS kid or like a- Yeah, VHS kid.

Yeah, I would edit VHS tapes together. Oh, wow. Holy fun. And just like make weird stuff. Like in camera you would do edits? Yeah, yeah. Really, I don't know, it was fun. But I don't know.

I was in like musicals as a kid too. Oh, hell. You know. You had flare. Yeah, I was in Damn Yankees. And yeah, I played the baseball like hunk. Hell, yeah. You know, and it's not funny.

It's not funny. It makes sense, Eldon. It makes sense. Shut the fuck up back there. We're trying to do an interview that people are interested in. You're guffawing. Sorry, sorry, I was thinking of something else. I know John is Captain Hornie.

Yeah. How dare you besmirch Captain Horny? Captain Hornie's ability to read as a heartthrob in middle school. Yeah, on the day of my podcast appearance. Do not disrespect Captain Horny when he's got the hat on, Elders. For fuck's sake. Yeah, give yourself a boo, you piece of shit. Did you see yourself with the hunk at that point in your life?

No, I was like a, I was a, you know, my hair was dyed black. You know, I had like black finger. I was like kind of. emo. It was like Long Island emo, you know. Long Island emo. Like that, I had a big phase like that, you know. Hell yeah. And. Duster? You ever remember Duster? Duster. You go full length? I, no, no, no. No, post-Columbine tough. No, no, no, yeah, not Columbine, uh, chic. More just like, I don't know, type, like tight clothing. Yes. Yeah. Some stripes maybe.

Yeah. That was like a period of like where I kind of was just was with emo kids for a second. And then But, you know, I still have a great fondness for that. I didn't realize, I thought that everyone in the world was emo at that time. Right. I realized that it was like a Long Island specific thing in certain ways. Well, you had two options on Long Island at that period. It was emo or it was pretend to be black, basically. It would be like, it was a word that we're not saying anymore,

but everybody knows what it starts with the W, and it rhymes with a horrific slur. Yeah, that word was bandied about a lot. Oh, yeah. But that was basically, like. like if growing up on Long Island was like a fucking Final Fantasy or whatever, and you could do the like the tree, the chart, the skill tree or whatever the fuck, you had to decide whether you're going to go emo or you're going to be a friend of the show,

Brendan Sagalow, for example, like a fat little Long Island kid that would, that dyed his hair blonde to be like Eminem. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to go Eminem or you got to go like sort of, again, not Charles. Or taking back Sunday, yeah. Taking back Sunday. That's the one. That's the one.

Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, that was, I didn't realize that so many of those bands were just from Long Island when I was like listening to them and stuff. Interesting. I don't know. I did not think I would be talking about this too. Well, we need to fucking figure out what Captain Hornie's on the ground. No, this shit's fascinating though, because it's like when you're like an emo child, is that when did the camera first come out? Because I will say it's so pathetic to think about. I used to do a podcast on my little cassette.

Like my parents gave me like one of those cassettes with a microphone. And my grandfather from Greece would send tapes of Greek music. And I remember my dad getting pissed at me because I was like I was taping over my grandfather mixed tapes. It was maybe one of the only forms of communication, you know, two generations of repressed emotional men. My dad and grandfather never got to the bottom of how my dad moving to America. And I could tell that was the great, in hindsight, that was the great regret of my father's life that he'll never admit.

And now he's just, by the way, repeating the same mistakes, whatever, whatever, it's fine. But as a fucking fat seven-year-old, I would hear like, ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. And I'd be like, oh, folks, we have some more shitty music to cover over. And I would just be like, and I would just be like, so today. I was, and I was just, I was literally podcasting, pathetically in my, in the little like computer room. Elders, remember the little room off of my living room. Me and elders have known each other as we were four years old. Oh, yeah. Oh. In, in, before I jacked off in there, I used to do podcasts at like seven hilariously. And I would just talk by myself. And if I heard a good song,

I'd be like, hey, this was not bad. But anyway, so what I'm saying is, I do feel like very early on there's just signs that you're going to be who you are. Were you bringing the the mini DV out when you're... Yeah. Well, I was shooting on like high eight and I don't know. There was like, you know, there was the music, you know, music phase, but that, you know, it was like blended with the movie phase, I think, to begin with. But it was, there were never emo films. Never emo films. No, they were like, they were kind of like movie spoofs for a while. Oh, sick. Just like, you know, but they all have my name in it, you know. Yeah, yeah.

John Ward. Branding. Like, smart. John Work Orange. John Work Orange is awesome. Because you're thinking at the time as well, I'm a brand. These are brands and I'm a brand. Yeah.

Time to, time to John X. Clockwork Orange. This is what the people have been, this is the collab. Yeah. We did a lot of Kubrick, like, like Full Metal John was another time. Have full metal John is awesome. Fuck, dude.

I want the criteria. on the John collection. It's out there. I want to be on a turtleneck talking about how groundbreaking. It's on all the tapes I gave like, I, in like, around college or something, I went over and I watched all the tapes at a neighborhood friend's house that we would make the movies with and I left them all there. And I don't know where they are now.

So it's like, which, you know, if there's any gum shoes out there. Yeah. Get out there. They're out there. But I hope you don't find them at the same time. I do. Elders, hire a gumshoe to get this, go to Long Island, start harassing everyone that ever bought it,

taking back Sunday album. Yeah, that ought to narrow down. Got a long island medium, or Long Island, what is it, that show? Long Island psychic. I believe it's Long Island Medium. Long Island Medium. Didn't somebody used to have a joke about getting, jerking off the Long Island Medium Sun in a parking lot?

I think they did. I think I knew so. Fuck. That's a joke? Yeah, it was a great joke. It was a big, I think she started. mentioning, she hangs the Long Island medium out there and you think it's just color. Yeah.

And then it all comes back around and it actually turns out she jacked off his son in a car. Wow. You heard it here. Yeah. One of my friends maybe had a joke about it. It feels like from the open mic days, that feels like a, like, like, I feel like I heard that at Creek in the Cave back in the day. Well, you know, if it wasn't true, you manifested, I think.

True. Yeah, yeah. Well, someone's son jerked off the Long Island meetings. Yeah, yeah. It's like you can't again. If someone's daughter. Imagine. Maybe someone's son jerked off the Long Island Medium

son too. I don't fucking know what he was up to. I love finding those tapes. I've been going to a lot of estate sales and looking for tapes of like things that like, it'll say like wedding or something on the side. But then like a couple of times it has been classically like recorded with like pornography or like some other weird shit. I love that.

I mean class, my, me and my brother found my father's pornography and it said Barney. and it was literally and it starts as Barney so at its one point it had Barney on it and I guess my dad was like all right my fucking bitch-ass sons of outgrown Barney time to jack off and literally it was a we've talked about it before

it was speaking of spoofs it was a fast times at Ridgemont High spoof it was called like Fast Times at Ridgely High or... And that was the erotic film? Yeah he had taped over it so I guess he bootlegged Fast Times at Ridgely High over a Barney post.

What was it called Elders? Did you find it? You're looking for it? I promise you I could find the title in one second if I'd try. It would have been so much cooler if it was like a Barney like purple man.

He takes the shit off. Yeah. The guy takes his stuff. He cuts a hole in his cock. He just brings his cock through an off brand purple dinosaur thing. Yeah. Interesting.

So you found, and was it amateur pornography or? No, it was like, it was, produced stuff, but I don't know. I'm always just looking for like if there's ever like a tape and a camcorder at like a thrift store. It's like there's always something like that's never been digitized on there. Totally. Which is like I don't know. I don't know what I do with this stuff. I usually just like just throw them out or like sell it at a yard sale or something after I like

you digitize it. Yeah, I look through it. Some of it's not worth digitizing and not worth like you don't, like some of it you just like don't want to have. Sure. Yeah. So you have an incinerary. in the office. I see what you're saying. I don't know. You roll the dice. You buy everything cash. You want no paper trail on some of these random Long Island videotapes from the 90s.

Yeah. You know, I don't know. It's crazy. What people, you know, people don't have nuance about like the kind of stuff with art making. And it's like, you know, I think about the Pee-Wee-Herman doc a lot, you know, not to go full pee-wee here. Sure, sure, please. You know, he, uh, please go full Peeway.

He pulled Bulls and dig out and started jacking off. Ah, he just knotted. He like, he had all this like vintage erotica like in his place, you know. But they, when the cops found it, they like tried to make it seem like that was like. Depraved? Yeah, depraved or something like that. But it was like, you know. Yeah, is that surprising?

I don't know. But it's also like these are like kind of beautiful like paper objects at the same time, you know. and it's like as a collector or just like as just like an artist who's doing weird shit like that you do have a bunch of weird shit i don't know i'm not it sounds like i'm trying to dig myself out of a hole yeah i was an art i was looking at that stuff artistically i'm more so just like i know exactly what you're i'm into people i i wish people were more open about the weird shit that they maybe had in their house of course i don't know i but not that everyone's constantly denying it, but I think it's like...

I know what you mean, though. And I think that's a lot of what your work is, truly, is like, you know, not to tell you what your own shit is, but what I love about is that, yes, you start with something that's like how the history of concrete or how to fucking make restaurant or how to split the bill or whatever the fuck, right? And it's like, oh, what is this bullshit? You know what I mean? Like, what is this some fucking, like, you know, it almost feels like the trappings of the, the,

the like, you know, school sex eds, or like, you know what I mean? Like, like these old, almost like newsreel footage of how to brush your pussy, you know, how to wash your teeth or whatever. Brush your teeth, not, you know, whatever. How to like have hygiene or whatever. And immediately, you know, your POV's interesting. It's like, whoa, there's just some fucking guy holding the camera. And then you take these what seems like banal questions.

You're like, and then you just dive into these worlds. and peel apart how even the most bullshit question, the most simple bullshit question, there are so many layers of humanity underneath and so much weird, everything is so interconnected. And that's, there's so much, that's one of the things I love about all your stuff. And so it makes so much sense to me that you're like,

what is this seemingly normal object and what does it tell us about the people that owned it or like, you know? And particularly video, like that is fascinating because people in the 80s and 90s, they thought no one would ever see their fucking homeless. Yeah, no. You could really go buck wild back then. There was no getting hacked.

No one had to worry about the shit on their phone. And I bet you there was some really good amateur pornography that we'll never see, that will never see the people were going. Because even now, if you're getting, if you're taking a video of yourself, getting your things hypothetically, in the back of your mind.

On your phone? On your phone, you're scared that someone will hack. into your phone and see your little ass dick hypothetically yeah yeah that's why you just don't yeah i don't do stuff like i don't i don't have anything like that on my phone i believe you yeah i think i think you make a million dollars if you took some kind of like unhackable but if someone hacked your camera okay if you i think that's a great idea yeah any the unhackable pornography camera immediately gets hacked i know yeah like hello sharks yeah Mark Cuban, if you ever worried that people will see your penis and say it's not that big,

even though you're getting it sucked by an objectively pretty hot girl. But if you're like, my logic is like, even if you do have nasty stuff and someone hacks it on your phone, it's like that's bad on them. Sure. It's like if anyone is viewing this thing that was meant to be private, I don't know, depending on the severity of what the thing is. Of course. But like, it's kind of like, you know, and, you know, easier to say as like, I don't know, as a guy too.

I don't really know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's like, it's like that. Revenge porn. We don't have to worry about that. Yeah, that's like a shame. That's like an extremely shameful act kind of behavior, you know. So it's like, but I think about that like, I, you know, I don't like to have, I don't know.

Like, sometimes I keep my blinds, you know, down. Mm-hmm. Because I just like, I just don't like the thought of someone maybe like, like, you know, filming inside my apartment or something like that. Some sick fuck like you lurking out. Yeah, but if like, I don't know. But you know, if it, but if that were to happen, that's bad on them, you know, depending on how it's like used or whatever.

So do you see the like surreptitious footage you obtain as bad on you? No, I feel like it's a, I like to be on the razor's edge of kind of what's okay and what's not. I think that's what makes it kind of exciting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't know. It's like, I feel like it's like I feel like it's. told you this before, but, you know, I used to work for a private investigator for a little while.

I love that. And like, one of my favorite details about you. And it was, I don't know, it trains your eye in a certain way. And I think there's something like more kind of, kind of erotic about the banal, you know, sometimes. And like, like, even just like a funny, like gesture or something like that can be like so much more exciting. Oh, yeah. Than like a fucking car crash. I mean, no offense if your movie as a car crash.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If your stand-up special ends with a out-of-now-where car crash, for example. Oh, yeah. The car crash looks really good. Yeah.

You guys did a great special. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate it. I do, briefly, the private... How long did you do that? Because that is, I have always been obsessed. I really love detective, private eye shit.

I love all that stuff. And I know the reality of it is so much, it's not a guy with a fucking trench coat. There's no like a game with red lipstick. No. I mean, it's guys that look like, you know, I don't know. Like what? No, it's just like a guy in a tinted minivan. Yeah.

Like it's really the most unromantic thing. They just have a license, you know. Yeah. And they just like go out. They'll stake out someone's house for hours waiting for them to get out. like walk out of their wheelchair, you know. Right, right. And a lot of the insurance, right?

Yeah, like work a man. Yeah, work compensation kind of stuff. But, you know, I would take, they would have broken cameras and stuff. And I would always take them and kind of like tinker with them and like try to, you know, I would use them for myself. Yeah, yeah. I also like started a blog where I would like take some of the footage and like kind of like make little like gifts out of it.

But, you know, it's just for like me and 10 friends or something because it's, you know, you can't really. like you can't do that. No, you can. On the clock. Yeah. In the middle of an ongoing investigation. Yeah.

But yeah, that is what always shocked to be about a private eye. It's like, it's literally just a guy. It's a guy being annoying. It's a guy. There's no other,

it's a guy like being nosy and asking questions. It's not that hard too. It's like there are certain databases that you could just access as a civilian also. Yeah. It's like not really that hard

to look up every known associate. Every, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a place you've ever worked, lived, you know, it's, uh, it's not that hard. Did you do any investigating for your own, like, did you do, was ever like anyone you wanted to take down, dig up dirt on, do you have any enemies? I never really, uh, enemy focused in the word.

I don't know. I think like. Even for fun, was there a guy you didn't like? You're like, I bet this guy did something fucked up. Or do you take no joy from that type of thing? I don't know. I feel like I, you know, I never, I try, when I start to get into expose territory, I begin to be like what's going on here.

Right. Like if I'm really digging up dirt, it's like the person's got to be, I think, pretty evil or something. Yeah, I just meant for yourself, not even for work. Like, if you ever, because I have a, I do have a friend who, no, not really. Anytime somebody crosses him or us or anybody, He knows some of these databases,

and we found some hilarious stuff out about people. Oh, yeah. But that's just for us. Just to laugh, we would never expose them. We also did a really funny thing where we, there was a different time where you can just, we had a different enemy, and he had like some, you know,

I don't remember where it was like drunk driving, or maybe this guy pulled his dick, like a different, like, sexual, like, you know, I think he pulled his dick out. or something, like a peep, like, not peeping Tom's shit, but like, you know, expose themselves to somebody. And you can request the MP3s of the court recording. Oh, really?

But on the docket, it'll say someone requested these files. So a sort of light, devious thing to do is never, never, never, like, use the information for evil. But just, it's possible that they got a call from their lawyer like, hey, just so you. you know, someone asked for the transcript and the MP3 of this. And that'll, if somebody wronged you, look up their old cases and look up information. Oh, wow. I bet it will at least make them think like, fuck, who's looking into this? Oh, wow. Yeah. I love, I do have, revenge is something I like and, you know. I mean, yeah. It's something I take great personal joy from. And, you know, I don't know.

Yeah, I feel like I've done that. I mean, I've made a couple of kind of like revenge or kind of spite films. Yeah. I think just like when someone wasn't paying me like for like a gig or something. Of course. Like yeah, I made this like I, yeah, this guy owed me like a thousand dollars at one point. And I just like I, he was not responding to me and I did something really juvenile. You know, I mean, this was like a while ago.

Yeah. But I was just like I called. I looked up his LinkedIn. I called every single place he used to work and talk to the boss and said this guy owes me money. and they're just like, this is not the place to talk about this. What a funny. Imagine being that boss and be like, okay. Yeah.

The fuck do I get some coder that worked for me nine months ago owes some dickhead, I don't know, $1,000. Yeah, I was on like a kind of a reputation, like kind of spree. Yeah. Just in case he needed to go back. Yeah. Go back to his old employers. They'll think twice next time they offer a reference.

Yeah, man. I don't know. I just, you know, I think it's, it's not right. Yeah, I agree. And fuck that guy, by the way. Fuck that guy. That's what I say as well. He's a fucking piece of shit. You grew up on Long Island? You were born in Queens, right? Yeah. And then you're, and now you're a Queens boy. Yeah, I'm back. Yeah, I think I've spent more time in Queens at this point than Long Island. But, yeah, I grew up. I went to school in, like, all school in Long Island.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. But yeah, I don't know. I always just wanted to be back in the city. I get that. Just because, like, I think Long Island's a cool place to grow up. And I feel like I'm, like, I'm appreciating it more now that, like, I am an adult. I have a car. I can just, like, see different parts of it.

And there's just like, it's not, I don't know, there, there's, it's, it's a lot of interesting stuff there. Yeah, I, I don't think I'd ever, I'd gone to do a movie. There was a gig at a movie theater that was pretty good that I did a couple years ago. and a buddy just got married there. So I drove out all the way to the end of it. And it was fucking nice. Where out east?

It was like it was all the way Montauk. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah. And I'd never been out there. I mean, the weather sucked dick. It was a nor east or whatever. But it was, I was like, wait, why the fuck haven't I ever gone to Long Island or like, or like gone thrifting or some shit or like gone to the beach or something?

Like, it is funny. You just need a couple wrecks. I don't know. Yeah, you're right. It's like, because, yeah. It is like hard to find the diamonds, I think. Sometimes we don't know. There's a great burger spot, I think you'd like.

All-American burger. Hell yeah. It's the best. It's got like 90s prices, you know. Great name, too. Yeah, it's delicious. Got robbed recently. Oh, no.

Fucking texting this. It's better be good. It's the first mate on the SS Horny. Shut up. Captain Horny, there's a lot of pussy here. We need someone to fuck it. I'm sorry, turning off my phone. No, it's all good.

I don't give a fuck at all. I just, I hate, I hate, like, getting text messages. I know what you mean. And if you have a group chat, too, because sometimes it's like, wait, is it an emergency happening or, like, did one of my friends just have a fucking meatball sub and wants to tell me, tell me and eight other fat guys about it? You never know if it's like an emergency is happening or the dumbest thing of all the time. Or someone wants to say, you know, someone wants to give their resident evil opinion.

You know what I mean? You just don't know which one if you're getting blue. blown up via text. I don't know. Do you find, I don't know. Yeah, I like to have a certain kind of like peace, I think, when I'm like not actively, I don't know. Like when I'm like shooting something or doing something, I don't know.

I just like when I'm getting like a bunch of text messages, I'm just like, it really takes me out of like whatever is. I mean, this is not new, but it's like, yeah. It really does like distract me. And I'm just like, not that people can't text me. You can text me. Sounds like you're fucking going on record. Don't text.

If you have my number, don't. fucking text. If I'm on, stopie, don't text me. Don't text. When the captain's here, man, when the SS is docked downstairs and he's about to get on and his ship is full of girls with huge tits down there, do not text him. Yeah. Do not text him. I mean, I feel like when you're, when you're in the middle, like, because I feel like all the texts and shit, because I'm with you, I feel like I've just existed in a state of perpetually. I just gave over to perpetually being unfocused. Like everything I've, like, I've had a really,

I've done a lot of shit the last, this year, and I don't think I was locked in for one moment. In fact, for months, I was really addicted to edibles. Like, I was doing, I was acting so high sometimes. Because it's like, because a lot of times you have to talk. That's the secret with acting. You're like, oh, this is a visual medium. I just have to be in the background and making a fat face.

I just would be like, you know what I mean? I'd have to do that five times. So there were, look, I wasn't planning to be fucked up. I just hadn't figured out edibles. You know, you smile, you frown. Yeah, you smile, you frown. There's like, there's like, and it's not, listen, it's easy for me because I, let me also

be very clear. I respect good actors. The stuff I do is like so easy. It's like bully somebody. It's like, you know, be horny, you know, whatever. Okay. Well, you were in some, what was the most recent thing you're in? Tony, the movie.

Oh, it was great. Yeah, you did a great job. Thank you. But that was super fun because it was just, you know. I like that movie. It's a very, yeah, a nice normal movie. Normal movie, Matt needed to make a normal movie. No one's killing themselves in this one.

There's no, there's no time travel or school shooting. Yeah, watch that. I just watched that Billy Eilish tour documentary too. James Cameron directed it. Oh, fuck. Yeah. That's so funny, I forgot he, so it must be good. She's doing it all underwater?

Yeah, she's in a hyperbaric. Is he, does he like Billy I was just? songs? It seems like it's just like you look at this filmography right now when it's just like Terminator, the Abyss, like Avatar, Billy Eilish. Aliens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, but I think he's kind of doing some how-to stuff in there. In the Billy Ilish that you think you think fucking, Big Jim ripped your shit off. Well, he's like holding the camera and talking to Billy from behind the camera in this way that I've never seen him do before. Should we go fuck his ass up? I'm just saying James.

Don't text Captain Horace. And he's coming for you to do. Yeah. James Cameron, I am angry that you made all the movie theaters convert to digital for Avatar, the first one. Oh, yes. So. Let this motherfucker know.

Yeah, I think that. Is that him? Is that why films out? I think that it was a big reason, like around 2009. That's why a lot of 35 systems went out. Get the fuck out of it. Yeah. Fuck, Jim, if you took them out, you are responsible for bringing them back.

Put them back in. Put him back. Make a movie on film, you fuck. Enough with the CGI bullshit. Make a movie on film, you coward. Yeah. How about this? Get a lady.

Painter Tits blue. You know what I mean? Is that so hard, Jim? Yeah. Can we get tall guys, paint them blue instead of this, and shoot it on 35, you motherfucker? Shoot it on 70 for all, I give a fuck. But shoot it on film.

That's too hefty. You have to 35. I take it back. I take it back. I don't know. We have the Odyssey on my friend Spencer made us an Odyssey VHS that we've been playing at the movie theater. Oh yes. By the way, the cool, the other shit you've done that's like the dream is your own movie theater,

which is so fucking cool. In Ridgewood, do you feel like people must know your exact address at this point, right? I don't like to think about it. You put it in your show. I don't know. I've been a bars in people, someone I've never seen before will just come up and be like, you know, I'm your backyard neighbor. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm just like, I don't want to know that. Don't tell me that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's fine. I get it. I'm just like, but I also just like, I think it's like easier. The relationship to me is like, is easier in a certain way when you're just like out there. And like the terms are very much that.

And it's like, you know, if people want to, you know, people don't make you feel as uncomfortable. I feel like when you really put yourself out. Yeah, that's true. And like, it's like, and I'm just like, you know, if I'm working at the movie theater, I'm just like making popcorn. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like they treat you like someone making popcorn. Of course. You know, and that's it.

If, yes, you have to set the like, I'm a guy at work, man. Yeah. And you could talk to me because, like, you talk to a guy at work. But ultimately. I got to get back to work. Yeah, yeah. Ultimately, the fucking, the butter is not, the poppers are going to butter itself. Not going to butter itself.

So you, you have this fucking awesome theater in Ridge. What was the, like, what's the process where you just. where you're just like, yeah, I'm obviously doing this. Did something come up? Like, what is the brief story? Or were you just like, I need to have a movie theater in my neighborhood? Yeah, I don't know. I just felt like, I mean, I opened up with my friends Davis and Cosmo.

Cosmo and I had been ambienly kind of talking about it for years. And then we finally found a spot. I don't know. I think it's just like a natural kind of thoughtless thing you do. As like a movie freak, you just like, yeah, okay. this will probably happen one day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then, I don't know.

I just like, I feel like the size of it is cool. And, you know, it's all an experiment just to like, you know, I think people, I think things became so big with your kind of regals and AMC types that, you know, I mean, those are cool, but. Yeah, they sure purpose. I think that, like, the city used to be, like, have so many tiny theaters in it, you know? Yeah.

And, like, I think it's just kind of a shame that they were all kind of wiped out. during the Giuliani, you know, years. Yeah. James Cameron and Rudy Giuliani. Yeah. You're the biggest pieces of shit when it comes to movies. They are, man. They just were trying to clean up, yeah.

Yeah, because I guess they cleaned them up because people are beating their shit in there. Or what, what do you think? Yeah, but just like, that should be okay. You should be allowed. There should be. That should be okay. I do agree with you. You're not in a serious city.

If there's not one place you can jack off in public. Yeah. You need one. place. Montreal's got a sex theater. Exactly. Yeah, and it's just like, sure. What happened to culture? I mean, I don't want to own it or like, whatever. You don't want to own the jackoff thing. Yeah, probably not.

I agree, but someone does. It's true. Can I tell you something? You might have to take the hat off. If you don't want to own the jackoff theater, you're kind of sending mixed messages, John. Are you Captain Horny? Are you merely Admiral Horny? Wait, is Admiral better? I think it is, actually.

Well, I'll get you one of those hats. Oh, I would love, it's got to be big like Captain Crunch's stuff. Oh, fuck. I should show up to your fucking theater wearing that. Yeah, who's fucking horny now, Wilson, you piece of shit. Come to my podcast with a cool hat. I'll show you. Admiral is higher in rank than Cap.

Give me one day. Break them down. Oh, wow, okay. Oh, shit, I don't have the full rank. Oh, Jesus Christ, you could not, you couldn't have foreseen that, could you? Fatherhood has indulged your podcasting instincts at all, Eldis. I'll say that. Sharpen, sharpen.

But yeah, I mean, I think it's cool. I know, this is a really good book, the Samuel Delaney book, Times Square Red, Times Square Blue. Oh, sick. Where he, you know, he was like, he's like a sci-fi writer, but he used, it's kind of like a first person account

of what it was like in the 70s in the Times Square kind of porno theaters. Taxi driver type shit. Yeah, yeah, like really, like graphic kind of in detail of like what it was. like, but you know, his argument is for, is that it's like a primal need that like a lot of people, as we as a species have that it's like going to come out in some way. Yeah. And but, but it's like the way that it happens in a place, places, in like a city like

we have now is like it happens in bathrooms or like whatever, which is like heavily policed and then they like basically like criminalize. Right. Homosexuality or just like whatever. Like, you know, the people that usually cruise in those So it's like, so like having a space like that, even though it is like, I don't know. I know exactly what you mean. Implicitly, by not having a space like that, it's like, basically the argument was like, look, yeah, you guys aren't going to not suck each other off in public. Yeah.

So let's, it's sort of the hamster damn argument from the wire. It's sort of the like. What's that? Do you ever see? So the wire. I never really watched that. Oh, you got to check it out. Yeah, I know.

What the fuck? I know. There's one guy who basically is like, let's legalize like drug use on this one. one block and that way it's like we get people resources, we do all this other shit. Whereas like when it's sort of a way to implicitly sort like keep, it's like only proper behavior is allowed. And that what's implied there is that like there is a way to behave and there's a way to not behave and like you guys are all degenerate sick freaks where it's like we all know that

at the top of our fucking society is the biggest frees in the world. Exactly. It's sort of the thing where they've actually priced out regular people from being freaks that don't sex traffic people. Everything has happened. It's like you either have to jack off on the subway or you have to be on Epstein's Island. Even like being a sexual deviant has been like one-percented in America. It's like, listen, if you're successful enough, you get your own island and we don't care what you'd do on. Yeah, exactly. But no, theaters. God forbid. What if a fucking guy from Iowa is taking his also fat wife to see, you know, lay miss. stumbles into one and, you know, they write an email. Like, who fucking cares? Go back to fucking Iowa. We jack off in this city. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to read that. I think for a healthy, yeah, civilization, I think you might need some stuff like that. I, some release valves. Some release valves. Yeah, you know, it's about, you know, it's about taboo. It's about shame, you know, and it's like, like, yeah, everyone is doing crazy. I don't know. I mean. Yeah, no, shame is a, is a, it's very powerful. It's like soft power.

where it's like you don't have to legislate things if you just shame them implicitly or explicitly. That's why, I mean, what you're saying Resolades though with me, because when I was in Amsterdam, the first time I went, I was like 20 or whatever, and I was like, eh, fucking party. I'm gonna smoke weed and fucking get my head or whatever.

I'm like, whoa, this must be like, you know, it must be like spring fucking break, dude. It's gonna be awesome. And then you go there and it's just like a really low-key, nice city. And like the Red Light District is like not that far from a like park where like families are playing and you're like, oh, this is not this at all. This is just humanity for real. These are people who are like not in

denial about people's desires and needs and want to do them all in a safe way. And then also have a society that doesn't, it felt very like shame free, but not sometimes when people are like, shame is holding his back. It's like, yeah, you're right. And then they overdo it and they have no shame, that can be a real big problem. Yeah. Yeah. So I felt like when I was in Amsterdam, I was like, this is, I'm fucking Goldilocks right now. This shit is just right for me.

Yeah. You know, like, so we should have a couple more. We just have a couple of brothels. We should have some. Well, yeah, I remember my dad had a really funny idea growing up where he like, you know, we had kind of a dead main street and he always just like, like, would joke about wanting to rent one storefront and just never open it, but just have, just have a sign that says adult outside of it and just like kind of see.

how, like if the community would revolt. Yeah, they definitely would. Just like the word adult. Like, what does that mean? 100%. A hundred percent. Just having it out there might start some civic pride. Yeah, and like pink letters.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I remember there was a fight when I was, they were trying to make a bar, they were trying to zone a bar where I grew up for live music. And I remember every mom in the neighborhood realizing like, oh, that's the same zoning you need for a strip club. And that they were, and this was Baltimore in the 90s. So they were like, obviously if we allow this,

they're just going to turn this into like strip clubs or whatever, which now I'm thinking like, maybe my mom fucked up fighting that tooth and nail. Oh, yeah. Because she did. I mean, I don't know, you know, morality changes throughout one's lifetime. That's true. I mean, I get where she was coming from.

She was objectively right at the time. Our neighbor was fucking dog shit. Yeah, I mean, there was something like I kind of, I don't know, I, in hindsight, may be kind of nice, like, about the, how kind of sanitized, like, a lot of my Long Island upbringing was in a certain way, or I'm just like, I don't know, I didn't feel like I was repressing anything, but I was just like, I don't know, I, I, I like, I, I like, I like, I, I like, the different stages of things that I, you know, at the times I accessed them in a certain way.

I, I know what you mean where I'm like, it's nice to be able to just, like, let a kid start their, like, adult life fresh. You know what I mean? A kid starting at zero, right? Or even like you want something, you want something kind of bland. Like I think about that where it's like kids who grew up in Manhattan, it's like they should be like on a registry.

Like these are people that like went to rehab at 11. You know what I mean? Like these are people who's like, you know, like stockbroker like, you know, older cousins got, you know what I mean? Like killed themselves because they had a bat. They watched somebody jump off a fucking, you know, like pennants. house and just kill you know what I mean like they've just they've experienced so much shit where it's

like you want people to have I do think like raising kids you want them it's just kind of boring you also want them to have some baseline shit to kind of lightly rebel against yeah like kids who are like atheist children it's like no man you have to realize this is dumb at 11 like you need you have to believe in this implicitly so that then when you're fucking when you're 13 you can be like wait is this all fucking bullshit? Is this, you know what I mean? Like, I almost feel like you, I don't know, I've thought about this a lot because, you know, he had a kid, my brother had a kid, my other best friend had two kids. So like, I think I'm definitely in the uncle zone.

I don't think I'm going to be a kid's, I'm realizing recently like, wait, I think having like four babies that I actually care about is enough for me. Sure. But I have been thinking about like, wait, how do we make that? Because I'm like, dude, your kid's going to grow up. Your kid is its first year is in Williamsburg. That's disgusting. I know. Imagine that sucks dick, dude.

We had, we had, uh, we had my wife's birthdule over doing a check-in on at the apartment the other day. And we're like, you know, we live in a one and a half bedroom in East Williamsburg. And she was like, we're like, yeah, we can't believe we have like a baby in here. She's like, it's okay. I can tell you guys are simple people. But, you know, he'll have. a humble beginning.

Simple people. So she could tell you're Albanian, basically. She saw the ridging on your forehead. She was very surprised that I was Albanian. Well, my wife said that. She's like, what? She was like, she's stuck on it for a few beats.

She's like, you're Albanian? I would have never told. I would have never been able to tell. You haven't sexually harassed me once. That I've been in here. Yeah, she was shocked at that. But yeah, she said we're simple people. Wow.

Are there a lot of Albanians in the neighborhood in Ridgewood? Where do you counter Albanians mostly? Yeah, there's a... Because you seem to be very pro pre-podcast. Yeah, I mean, I think the Albanians are doing some cool stuff in the neighborhood. Yeah, they are. I've turned around on them due to them kind of destroying Jared Kushner's forklifts and stuff. Oh, yeah.

They're trying to, like, build, they're trying to, you know, make fucking West Bank two in Albania, right? now. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. But shout out to the, shout out to the fucking, what is it, Shiptar? What do you say? Shiptar, yeah. Shout out to Sheptar.

People. I don't know. Yeah, there's a couple bars, and they, they know how to make, they know how to keep the neighborhood social. It's, it's nice. Like, they, they know, they have a lot of outdoor seating. They, you know, you can, like, it's a little relaxed, like, what the rules are. Albanians love to hang.

and not really do that much. Exactly. Just pound a few coffees out and, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Ultimately, I mean, you know, ultimately it's just that European shit of like, let's hang, let's say what's up to our neighbors. I mean, the funniest thing in the world, one thing that stuck with me the first time I watched,

like this, maybe this was season one of the show where you just like would hang out with your, I assume, Polish landlady. Oh, she was, she was Slavic. She was like, she was, what is it, Ugo. Yugoslavian before. I think they split off. Serbian. Serbian. Yeah, yeah, Serbian. Okay. Yeah, you would chill with your Serbian landlord and watch Jeopardy. Yeah.

And that was a very cute. That was a very wholesome relationship, but it was very funny that you watched Jeopardy every night. Was it really every night with your old landlady? Yeah, yeah. And she would, you know, she was, she didn't really understand like it. She doesn't speak English very well. Yeah, yeah. Listen, you don't have to explain those people to me and Elvis. Yeah. Every, half our family was that. Like I saw that lady.

I was like, that's his grandma. That's my, my mom. Like that instantly, I was like, I have 100% had that experience. But it was my own grandmother. You had like a, you had a bulk in grandmother, basically for a couple years. There's something about the neighborhood where like being named John is really helpful. Like, it's true. Because it's monosyllabic and it's a, it's a name every call.

culture has. But all the, like so many Polish people, so many Albanian people in the neighborhood are named John. Like my, I have multiple neighbors within, like, right next to me named John. Interesting. Yeah, like the bar, bar owners kids named John. My, my landlord, the old lady's late husband was named John. So I think that it, like, helped when she was moving out.

I think there was like a kind of a spiritual continuity there with her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. she filled me the building for like a pretty good number. Totally. You know, and yeah, it really helps. That's, that's so funny that just John. Because that's, because I, because our John is Yanni, which is actually one of the, it's actually one of the Greek names that doesn't translate as easily.

But like, Nick, Nicks and Georges are everywhere. What's, what's an Albanian John, Eldist, do you know? Is it, Jan? You can throw a stick in Ridgewood. Yon? John. John. John.

Yeah, yeah. That makes way more sense. That's a one for one, I would say. Yon. All right, well, look, we got to fucking, John, we got to take your beautiful mind and apply it to our callers here. Oh, yeah, I was excited about this.

You're actually, we were doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Of course we're doing it. I wasn't sure how much. I'm just having a blast. You know, I've seen a show. You know this shit. No, no, no, we're cool.

Great, great, great. Because, yes, I literally, we could talk. I mean, I want to know that book. I got to read that motherfucker. Oh, yeah, you love it. I might ask you for a couple, because I need to fucking read, dude. My brain is. You know what you should read. I was just talking about this. The new John Ronson book is very good. Oh, yeah?

It's all about like the kind of why lonely men are doing such insane things. I would love to read that. Yeah. It's like a nonfiction. It's just like investigative book. It's like really cool. That is cool because I do feel like people place this show in the middle of that narrative a lot. People are like, here's the one show your in-cell loser, fat little brother, and maybe he won't kill himself or someone else, but he probably still will. Yeah. Yeah, it's just a step better than, you know, you're extremely toxic. Yeah, truly just a step.

The fact that cold, yeah, anyway, I don't want to talk about it too much. I'm done. I don't, it's the, the talking about yourself is one of, I mean, you know, having to promote my fucking special almost killed me because it's like so many just questions about you in non-funny contexts. Yeah. And that sucks, dude. I mean, I appreciate the people wanted to talk to me and shit. And I was like going to much different avenues than usual. Like I did fucking CBS. I did like daytime. I did the Drew Barrymore show, which is fun. Oh yeah. I saw that. But like, you know, daytime. Like that's not my art. I'm trying to get new. What do people ask you about? Like what, like you made like that's what that's the thing is like what it would like I tried to just make the movies packed with so much shit that there would be so much to talk about in there because I knew I would have to talk about it. Of course.

Like, you know, partially that's why that stuff is in there. But it's like, but yeah, it's like when you come out with this thing and it's like the thing is I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I guess it's not even what what they're asking me. It's just the fact that like I'm used to going on something and the whole. whole point being joking. And I just feel like I wasn't funny. It's also for me, right, where I'm like, I think I didn't work hard enough at being funny in every context because I was

so burned out from doing everything. And I guess what I'm realized, what I was realizing was like, oh, these shit, like, it's going to take, it actually takes a lot of work to not just like, to be actually funny and that to come through in environments. You're not naturally comfortable in, you know what I mean? Like, like, I like. Yeah. Like, I just should have had more stuff ready to go for some of these, like, serious, I don't know. It's just a thing of, like, I just hate. And it's also a stand-up. It's not that, it's like, you know, I thought of a fucking hour of funny stuff.

Yeah. And it's like, yes, there's my nephew shit, whatever. But I don't know. I just, it's just so weird to have a, like, someone's just ask. And people will, you know, I'm sure I talk way too much in general. So people are like, what? You love talk. We didn't hear shit about John.

You started talking about yourself, you fat idiot. And that's true. But that's in my own, that's in my own home, you mother-preness. Yeah, he's allowed. I'm allowed to be a fucking loud mouth. Actually, I have thought about, should I try at the podcast at some point? So far the answer is no. The podcast?

What is this? This is not me trying at all. Oh, okay. This is me having a- Well, it's easy with you because I love your work and I think you're so fun to talk to. But sometimes, you know, when I just have my friend, like, just people here where I'm like, yeah, whatever, just fucking start recording. We got to stick to the schedule.

Yeah, right. Anyway, sorry. Shoot the shit. So are there live callers, actually? They're not live callers. They're voicemails. But if you ever want to come back and do a live call, you let us know. John, as you know, because we talked about at the beginning, it's now time to hit the

visible hotline or the Stavvy's World Hotline sponsored by Visible, of course. Oh, okay. Yeah, we're calling it. Yeah, so I'll just find you in twisted tea? Well, don't fucking don't get ahead of yourself. Oh, sorry. Okay, sorry. Look, I don't know.

There may or may not be a twisted-ass motherfucking question of the week coming in one or two. Right. I forgot how this goes. Well, that's the conduit. As you know, John, there'd be no way to do the twisted-ass, motherfucking-ass fucked up question of the week. If not, the river we paddle is the visible hotline.

You know what I mean? That's the river run. So all this. Why don't we get a couple tubes and why don't we lazy float down the river of questions? That is the Visible. The Stoffie's World Hotline sponsored by Visible. Okay. Hi, Savvy, baby.

Hi, eldest. So I had a question about how I should deal with my mother. I'm a 30-year-old adult living in a house that myself. Last year, my mother needed to move in with me for a little while to help get her back on her feet. She ended up acting like a complete asshole Which is not outside of her M.O And unfortunately I had to kick her out of my house Damn

Super uncomfortable for both of us Yeah, of course But immediately after that She began dating my next door neighbor And then moved in next door to me Damn, she stunted on your ass She fucking checkmated your bitch ass You thought you got rid of me

I'm gonna fuck your neighbor Sorry, that's fucking hilarious. That's so funny. And then moved in next door to me. And ever since she moved in next door to me, she has been making my life extremely uncomfortable. And I'm not sure how to deal with that. For example, she is now claiming that her boyfriend likes to watch me through my windows

and that he's in love with me. And I was just talking about this. Rage waiting for me to come home so that he can watch me. What the fuck? And I expressed being uncomfortable with this. This guy sounds cool. Yeah, the guy's cool. He's like, yeah, I'd love to fuck the daughter.

But for now, the mom will give me head in exchange for shelter. So I'll just buy some binoculars. Bide my time. Yeah, you're going to level up. Keep going, Elvis. Mind you, I don't think those. man watches me. I think my mom is just a fucking lunatic. And, um, but now it's gone to the point to where she is like screaming at me if him and I are mowing the grass at the same time. And now I'm

kind of just perpetually hiding and hoping that I don't see her. What the fuck? And I, and I could list a thousand stories about this lady being like a shitty parent. Yeah. But I'm trying to go no contact with her with her being right next door to me. What, what do I do? It's so funny. She's such a piece of shit. Do I burn it down? I don't really know. But let me know what you think.

Appreciate you guys. Love the podcast. Have a good one. I mean, this is nuts. I think she should I think she should write a treatment and sell this to ABC for a new sitcom. I like that.

Of some kinds. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just like, I think that this, there's a lot of, this sounds really, this sounds like fun and funny. It is really good. This is just. because you are right.

These have some classic sitcom archetypes here, right? Where it's like the kind of insane, horny older mother, the like doofous neighbor who's like, oh yeah, you can live with me. He's trying to fuck you, the main character the whole time. She's a working girl who tried to have it all. Yeah, and then maybe she gets like a new mom. She tries out a new mom.

Yeah. I like that. However that works. That would be good to make your mom jealous. Because, I mean, this woman is so clearly insane. This mom is so insane. In like a classic, sometimes, this comes up on the show every once in a while where it's like, the mother daughter, the moms who have this weird rivalry with their daughters are some of the scariest people in the world.

It's like a man, like, look, dad versus son rivalries are sort of like classic. At the end of the day, it's like, yeah, we just want to beat the fuck out of each other. Like me and my dad, I think our lives would probably be better if, like, we had fought 10 years ago before his heart might have exploded and before I was too fat to throw a punch without worrying about my spine completely coming apart. I think we probably, basically dad's son stuff is like kind of so simple because dudes are kind of simple. Whereas like mom daughter stuff is one of the most psychologically fucked up scenarios I've seen. Yeah. Like a mom is trying to compete with her daughter. You know what I mean?

Like the mom who's like clearly jealous of her daughter, which is what this feels like. You see this on reality TV a lot too. It's like, yeah, it's a common dynamic. But yeah, I don't, you know, I don't, I can't fully relate. But. Yeah, your mom's not mad that you're more beautiful than her. No, my mom is very happy. I'm a handsome young boy.

That's good. That's good. That's healthy. But I don't know. I mean, she said sell the house. sells the house is nuts i think that could work yeah i mean that is the simplest answer is do anything it takes to get away from your mom and not let her know where you live yeah and yeah go full uh witness protection if you want to but also i don't know you could befriend the yeah you could

befriend her boyfriend you could fuck her boyfriend why why wasn't why weren't you friends with the guy the neighbor He's probably, I mean, he's the kind of guy who hears two women have a screaming match for months. And then the older one goes over to his house. I was like, can I be your wife? He's like, yeah, I don't fucking care. That's why, because he's that kind of guy. Either that or the mom is diabolical and like when put, when her backs against the wall is just a survivor who figures it out. But clearly her mission here is to make her daughter's life miserable, right?

Well, if that's the case, then you should rent, you should, you should, you should, you should, sublet out your place to, you know, to some insane, like, Burning Man. Burning Man, some subculture. Burning Man, yeah. Have a bunch of polyamorous Burning Man fucking old guys with ponytail tails going Pee Wee Herman mode in there. Turn your home. Oh, turn your home into a cruising spot.

Yeah. Sucking and fucking in your shed at all hours of the night. That'll let teacher. That'll show her. I like this, though, you're right. Tank the value in this. Well, you want to sell it, though. You want to sell your house.

You want to sell it. Well, you could sell it to someone, yeah. No, this is good. This is like, here's what you need. A break from your mom, right? Take a vacation or like, you know, season. I don't know what you do for work. Can you work from home?

Can you take a seasonal job at a fucking tourist place for two months or something? Sublet it. And just have your weirdest friends. Tell your weirdest friends to do weird shit there. Just something your mom would hate. What does she hate? Is she racist?

Can you let your friends, you know, can you get some black and Asian people in there? What's the type of race she hates the most? Move them in to show her that bigotry has no place on your block. But that, but this didn't originate with bigotry. No. I'm just saying stuff she hates. Hotter younger women. Have, she clearly has an issue with you, you know, have someone fuck her boyfriend.

Yeah, it's just like. It might have to originate with whatever, you know, she says it was too much to go into, like what, you know, maybe why they were on bad terms. I mean, I think to me, this is like classic, this is a really bad parent, right? This person has, the one thing the parent has been done good has been capable of doing here is guilting her. daughter and things got bad enough that her daughter's a good person and it's like, okay, she's homeless, whatever, she's sick, whatever the fuck. I'm going to do my duty as family, even though there's a difficult person. And hey, maybe this will be the thing that brings us together.

Because in the back of every child who has a bad relationship with their parent, there's part of you that's like, man, it would just be nice if they, out of the blue became a completely different person who loves me the regular way, right? And I think that's probably what happened here. You've learned your lesson. You can never trust your mother. She's a piece of shit that needs to be out of your life completely. And I think what you do now is she's trying to neighbors you, you neighbors her.

She thinks she's Zach Efron. Now, you know what I mean? You're fucking Zach Efron. You throw fucking parties or whatever. Neighbors. That was a great movie. Great movie. Really good.

Shout out to F, dude. Let's get Ephron. Yeah, you need to start dating Zach Efron. He's a cool guy. Let me know. You know, I'll text him. I'll let him. I'll tell him there's a lady in wherever the fuck, you know.

But yeah, get, or just. Yeah, did she say where it was? No. No. For anonymity's sake. But yes, you need to get the fuck away from your mom. The big lesson here is she's a piece of shit who's never going to change and never going to do right by you.

Get the fuck. Sell the house is nuts, but I don't know. I mean, but also it's like you can. kind of, I don't know, it's easy to ignore certain neighbors at the same time. True. I don't know. The greatest victory would be to give her nothing. Clearly she's trying to get a rise out of you.

Clearly. I mean, yeah, she's trying to get a rise, but her boyfriend does seem like a pervert. For sure. And maybe you can somehow trap him. Honeypot. Yeah. I don't know. And make them both, I don't know.

If he is spying on you, you could make it backfire on him in an interesting way. Sure. Sure. Like, by, I don't know. Private investigator, though, this could be interesting. Get dirt on this guy. Okay, yeah. Let's figure out how to, you're right.

He ultimately needs to go because he's her way in, unless she just goes to the guy next, you know, caddy corner tea or whatever. What are they doing dirty work? Like put a bunch of fish. Yes, fish. But it actually, it triggers a mafia hit. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

By the way, really good doc. I think it's out by the time of the episode, I'm plugging just a different doc. The Norm doc. Oh, yeah. Flicks is really good. Yeah. Wait, is that out?

It's not out yet. You know, my buddy, my boy Judd might have hit me up. No, yeah. With an advanced copy. He sent it to me too. Oh, yeah? Yeah, I watched it. Yeah.

It's good, right? Yeah, it's cool. I love it. Yeah. Norm was, like, huge, right? Unbelievable. And the doc was so. good at like, because Norm was so good at hiding who, like, biographical details.

It, as a Norm super fan, I learned shit where it's like, usually for these comedy documentaries, it's more like it reminds you of shit that you're, but like, there was a lot of stuff that I had no, no idea about, which was really fucking good. Yeah. Or just the scope of it or getting everything on record. Yeah, yeah, Norm. Yeah, it's so funny how like much you just, like, would just lie about stuff. It's awesome.

Yeah. Because it's funny. That's a good point. Nor, it's like, I wasn't as fun. Obviously, this is an unattainable North Star, but like, I should be trying to be as funny as Norm McDonald at every interview. And that's hard, but that takes a lot of work. And it's like somebody like Meg Stalter's another great example where she really thinks

about these banal things. It's like, how do I make this funny, right? And so I think that's my takeaway for the future is like every situation, let me actually think about how to be funny instead of just giving a real interview because who gives a fuck about that? But anyway, fucking kill your mom. Kill your mom. Sell the, make a, write a pilot.

Sell it to Hulu. You gotta go Hulu. Yeah. You gotta go Hulu. This could be like a nice companion to adults. You know? Adults? The Hulu show.

I don't know. It's good. It's really funny. Oh, yeah, yeah. But it could be like adults. And then the next one is, what if your crazy-ass mom moves in? Whatever. You know what the fuck.

You know what the fuck. Get the way from your mom. It's a moneymaker. And I think that's the best revenge. against your mom is to become extremely wealthy off of her trying to make your life miserable. Yeah, go Jeanette McCurdy with it. Yeah. Do a memoir.

Yeah, I don't know. What else we got, Elders? Oh, fuck. Oh, my God. Oh, shit. What is that? Oh, fuck, dude. Oh, you're not the only one with a fucking awesome hat.

Because it's time to... Yeah, that's right. You spoke into existence, John. You're too powerful. You created the motherfucking-ass-fucked-up Twisted question of the week brought by Twisted T. It's an honor.

What's the most, what's the fucking ass fucked up motherfucked-up fucking question of the week, Elders? Hi, stop, first time, long time. So I am in a little bit of a ethical conundrum with my therapist. Backstory, I recently got out of a long-term relationship. and I'm getting back into the Polly lifestyle.

Keep it twisted. A month ago, I found myself at a swinger party. It was really fun, but afterwards I was thinking about it, and my therapist is also in that lifestyle and lives in the same town as me. So at our next session, I asked him if he knew these people, and of course he did. and he said that he also attends their parties sometimes. Oh. I thought that that was going to be the end of our therapeutic relationship. As it should have been.

But to my surprise, we spent the next 30 minutes coming up with the game plan of what we were going to do if we saw each other at a sex party. All right. This is unbelievable. This is too twisted. This therapist is keeping it way too fucking twisted. Yeah. This is not an appropriate level of twisted. to keep it. You, okay. Is that like, that's not all right. Is that okay to do? No, certainly not.

I don't know what the laws are with therapists. I mean, listen, this is all fake. Like, there's no, like, actual, like, nobody knows anything, really. Therapy believe. There. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like, look, if therapy makes you feel better, you're working on it, it's working, in my opinion. But if you have, first, I was going to say, polytherapist, that's a big problem, number one. Yeah. That's a big issue. And look, no disrespect to the poly community. but yeah because i do look to like my therapist for advice in certain ways that i kind of like don't want to get if the person is a little too twisted i kind of exactly you need someone not just you want him twisted for a normal guy yeah not all the way the fuck twisted where him and his

wife his wife is pulling out fucking beads from his ass while he's eating like you know male woman's pussy at somebody's party or whatever i just don't want to know about it exactly exactly and listen yes Exactly. You and you, I don't need to ever find, if I find out that my therapist is Polly, that's the problem. They can be Polly if they keep a professional and they give regular advice. If their advice isn't like, have you ever thought about fucking somebody who wasn't your husband?

You know what I mean? Like, but if they're not trying to push their Polly agenda upon me, like, it would be the same thing if I went to a therapist and they were like, you know, pick a religion and they kept trying to get me to convert. Yeah, right. Any, any. Oh, of course. Any therapist that, like, brings too much who doesn't act as just a conduit for your thoughts

is a problem for me. Now, all of that could have just been my anti-Poly bias. You know what I mean? Whereas like, it's not that I think it's wrong or I actually don't give a fuck. And I, listen, I've had some poly friends. Yeah. It's the best setup in the world to date someone who's got a husband. They don't give a fuck about you.

They're just there to suck you off and have a slice of pizza. That's awesome. That's a great relationship. And I'm happy to be a part of someone's larger polyamorous web, right? I like to be on the outskirts. Sure. But I don't, but someone who's, and so I would have been like, okay, maybe I'm being too harsh on poly people.

But the fact that this horny piece of shit is like, well, what are we going to do if I see you? How much of my, you're allowed to see one quarter of my shaft, but anything more than that? Well, that's, it feels, I think my issue is it feel, on, you're like talking about religion, you know, it's like how, it feels like a religion of some people. And like, that's why it would feel like strange if so, like a therapist would be pushy with something like that words. And that, like, I, yeah, I have polybrands like. Of course you do. You own a fucking small theater in Ridgewood. Yeah. You're in an art house theater in Ridgewood. You got to. couple of friends, John. I'm not saying like, don't, yeah, I'm not saying don't ask, don't tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just, I'm more saying like, I, like, for, for some people, it be, they become, like, kind of zealous about it. Sure. Zelletry in any form I don't want from my theory.

Like, as if this is the solution to any relationship issue, which, which I find to be really kind of near-sighted and it doesn't, I think, factor in some very human. A hundred percent. Emotions. Jealousy. Yeah. And it's just like, well, there was this show. Lily Marada turned me on to this show called This is Polly. Oh, shit. I'll send you if you haven't seen it.

It's really, really good. Yeah. And they, but it's like, they basically. That's not the show we used to watch, is it? It came out. There's another show Polly Amorous. I think we watched that. We used to watch it back in the day in Astoria.

And that's where he heard fluid bonding, but I'm sorry to cut you off. Okay. Yeah, they're, yeah, they have an interesting. phrases that they use like there's this one like lesbian polyamorous relationship that was just like setting the ground rolls

and they're like no hot fish and I was like what does that mean what did you ever get to the bottom I was asking lesbians and I couldn't still a lot of them didn't really know anyway yeah but but you know on top of like you know like no no like scammers no you know

like whatever but yeah it's like it does know how fish means maintaining proper personal hygiene and cleanliness. Oh wow. Specifically referring to keeping intimate areas. That's crazy. Wow, maybe a grok has like figured out the answer in the time since I last asked. Yeah, eldest eldest is a big grok guy.

He's working on getting the implant directly into his head. Yep. But yeah, it's kind of like they, you know, the way. they speak about it in this way as if there's no problem, but then it's like the, the, the very basic human jealousy things, it's just like they always come up. Of course. Like, I think I'm more cool with it if you can just like recognize that as like the baseline like thing that will be happening and that that's a danger of this, not that like you've,

you've solved it. You've evolved past it. It's like, and by the way, the only time friends of mine where it makes sense tell me is Like, yeah, of course I'm not like pumped to the, you know, my wife's going on a date with, that's not my favorite part of my week is what my wife's going on. But I don't, you know, it's just like I understand that that's something you just get over and it's like momentarial. And look, for some people, it is momentary and they let it wash over them.

And then they're like, well, but I also get a lot out of it, whatever. To come back to our friend here, your therapist having a breakdown so where he can continue to take money from. you while getting his dick sucked by your mutual friends. That's a problem. Let her finish. Is there more? Let's hear the point counter.

Oh, oh, oh, sure. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, I don't know, like,

if I saw you at a sex party, I would probably just leave. And he was like, well, we can just, like, go to opposite ends of the house. And,

like, as long as we don't have sex, it's fine. No, it's not. And I'm like, I don't know, I don't want to fuck out.

I don't want to watch him get his dick sucked while I can breathe. his sweat in. Keep going. And I'm like, I don't know, bro. I think this is kind of weird, don't you? And he basically told me that he could see why I think it's weird,

but he has had this conversation with multiple clients in the past. Yeah, that's a big problem. Big problem. This has happened multiple times. So I just don't know if I should terminate him as my therapist. He is good at his job and does help me. That's interesting.

I just can't really stop thinking about it. Also, the swingers whose house I was at keep hitting me up like every weekend trying to get me to come back over. And I'm running out of excuses as to why I can't come over. So any advice you could give me. I just don't get that. It just like it continues to frustrate me because it's just like, of course this is going to happen. It's just like, like, of course it's going to be an insanely thorny, annoying. lifestyle.

Yeah. Like, what? Like, why are you surprised by this? Imagine Larry Day, you know, what I'd love to see? Curb your enthusiasm where Larry's Polly. You know what I mean? The amount of little, like, Larry David's style misunderstandings that could happen in polyamory.

And especially when you're a social, okay, the bigger red flag is that this has happened him multiple times. But, yeah, well, yeah. Yeah, with different clients. Different clients. But I think they're very, I think she and her therapist are very aligned, I think, in terms of lifestyle. True.

That's a good point. And I think she could actually, like, I think might benefit from continuing to see him. That's interesting. Even though, like, she may want to have boundaries with this one specific house. This is an interesting point where you're saying, is this man too twisted for me? Sure. But if you're already twisted. If she's the appropriate amount of twisted,

so she can deal with someone a little more twisted than me or you would be interested in dealing with, perhaps. Yeah, and I think if you can shut off the valve, you know, of having sex with him, like, you know, at this party. And, you know, that's not part of their relationship, that I think that maybe emotionally she could benefit from it, you know, just by talking with someone who goes through the same stuff. Sure.

I would say the problem here, is he cares about getting his nut off at this particular couple's house more than he cares about what are clearly should be, what should be clearly defined boundaries, which to me is like, we can both go to, we can even both go to the, you know, be in this community, but we probably should never be at the same sex party.

Do you really wanna be, first of all, let's take therapists out of it. I don't wanna watch my dentist get her, pussy eating. I don't want to watch, you know, well, I had one dentist, but my current dentist, I don't. But here's the thing, if... Totally normal. But that's what I mean is like... A few dental lab texts, though. Lab texts, I'm listening in a major way. I want to watch real up close if you catch my drift. Wow. From a real POV, John Wilson how to style. Wow. That's how I want to look at them getting their pussy eaten. Wow. Yeah, from across the street.

Zoom lens. But they're still miced up. Admiral Horny reporting the duty. I just, okay, you bring up a really good counterpoint that they are aligned lifestyle-wise. I would say, here's what I would do if I were you. If you really think that, if you're really getting something out of it, I would just, there's no, the whole point of this poly shit is let's be honest about everything. Let's talk about our feelings.

Tell your friends, like, I have a blast. If they're poly, maybe you guys want to go on a day. I don't know if it's a couple or whatever, maybe you want to fuck them solo. That's great. Just tell them like, listen, had a great time. I just realized that, you know, I am seeing whatever the fuck. They know because fucking eight of their people, eight other people have been in this situation, apparently. This doubles as, he's handing out flyers at these sex parties, apparently.

Well, that's what makes it feel predatory in a way in that, like, he is using his practice as a potential kind of casting couch. Yeah, right. You know. That's a really good question. Because I could see this being like, no, we should never fuck. We could be there, though, and who knows what happens. Like, I don't want to accuse this guy of trying to fuck you because he probably, it seems, maybe he's not.

But I would ask, has he ever fucked, this has happened before? Has he ever fucked another client? Has he ever fucked up? Like, could this be some weird, because I can see this guy being the kind of freak that gets something out of this and that it might be the ultimate forbidden. If you're already Polly and you're saying, all getting head is all fine. The forbidden fruit of fucking someone.

This guy's eliminated forbidden fruit from his pussy diet completely. This is something. This is like professional cheating in a way that like poly people have gotten away from like the eroticism of affairs and is this guy cheating on being a therapist with his client?

Is that a sexual thrill he might have? Again, he's keeping it way too mother effing twisting. But what's the difference between being Polly and being single? This is one of my great arguments. It's just like if you're just, I mean, I know there's probably a lot of... First of all, like, yeah, a lot of literature on this. Solo Polly just means you're getting pussy or dick a lot. Yeah, right.

That's all it means, guys. Can we be honest for a second? And that's fine. Right. If he's just a single guy that is a therapist and he's still trying to have sex with his, you know. To give him credit, he hasn't, he, all we know so far is that he has been adamant that they should, his take is let's stay the opposite ends of the, you get, you give head in the dining room, I'll give head in the fucking living room, right? Yeah. But to me, that's not a good enough solution.

Anyway, I guess what I would do is explicitly be like, I don't want to go to these parties when my therapist is there, but I like working with him. And then I would just, you know, if you're getting a lot out of it, didn't she say, what did you say? She got divorced or out of a relationship? A long-term relationship out of one. Do you think you're going to go to Polly or is our caller here sort of using the Polly lifestyle as like an, if you want to have a little ho phase, I could see coming into a supportive Polly community as kind of a safe way to do that, right? Like you don't, these people are all friends. They're all fucking sharing vegan potluck. recipes or whatever the fuck.

Like, they're having a good time. It's safer than going to bars and trying to, you know, hook up with random people. So that would be my other question. Long term, you know, are you going to live here? Is this the community you're going to be in? Yeah. Is this your therapist long term? Because, you know, if it's not.

If it, because if you, if you fire him as your therapist, you're still going to run the risk of seeing him at this party. Totally. So, totally. You're going to have to like figure this out. But again, this is just part of like the minefields that is like having to deal with that. And I think for you, I would guess if this is temporary, I would say just peel back from that party or just be like, hey, I'd love to be there. But, you know, whatever.

Fucking Frank. If Frank is there, I just I would prefer not to. And again, I would also make, I would just communicate your boundary to your fucking therapist. Because if you're like, hey, it actually would make me uncomfortable to be a. the house at the same time as you. And your therapist is like, come on. You don't want that. You don't want your therapist being like, please, can I keep going and charging you $100

a week? Please, I want both of these things. I do like what he said stuff. I think asking him outright if he's ever fucked anyone from these parties or if he's ever gotten a, if he's ever turned someone he's fucked into a client, those are both the good questions. Because part of me was like, you know, what are the ethics of, you know, you know, you Yes, it's uncomfortable, but should he necessarily remove himself from the parties to be a good therapist?

If that's like his community or something. It's one or the other to me. Yeah. Remove your, be like, I'll give you a referral to a non-freaky-ass therapist or I'm not going to these parties until you tell me you would be comfortable with that. That's what I think. Clearly, that's one of those two is the appropriate response in my mind. And so if he's a good enough therapist for you to not do those things, then, yes, ask some follow-up questions, make sure he's not on some weird predatory shit, and just kind of go from there. It's also possible he's like gay or bye or whatever, so maybe they're not even in the same shit.

Interesting, yeah. But I feel like these sex parties are usually pretty segmented off where it's like, if it is a queer one, it's pretty, you know what I mean? Like it's not co-ed. It's like, hey, that's the gay wing of the house. This is the straight. It's usually like either straight or, you know, all or it's all one or the other. From my experience with friends going to these, I could never go. I don't want to be watched while I fuck.

I know. I think ultimately we're just jealous. I am jealous on some level. Have you ever like, have you ever dated anyone or been with someone who's floated that out? There's some like, some like shit to you. Like, hey, why don't we go to one of these? No. Because to me it's been floated.

I'm like, I'll be honest with you. I'm not interested in that whatsoever. Yeah. It's just like, and maybe part of it is like so much of my life is performance. I can't even have sex, like, you know, privately. But also it's like, you know, I don't know. I would love now, I amend my statement if it's all hot girls and me. That to me sounds awesome.

Sure. But again, that's a fantasy where it's like, you know. I'm just curious because I like, I don't know, I, I, you would go as a, it's your nature to know. Just the extremes of anything, you know, is always kind of... I just, I like to see rare rooms, you know, like, whatever, like that is. Has there been a swinger situation with you or am I misremembering a different dog? No, no, no, no, no. You've never, like, gone into, like, a swinger.

No, no, no, no, no. I think I watched something. Maybe, like a Louis Theroux or something. Yeah, maybe some shit like that. I don't know. Yeah, it's... Like, he had a couple good docs about swingers and stuff. But anyway, I'll send you that this is Polly stuff.

Please. It's kind of funny. because there's just like one couple that's like Polly, but it's actually just the boyfriend is cheating on this girl for. And she's just like, that's not Polly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have had friends who have figured out how to cheat within a Polly framework and it's almost like respect. Respect for you figuring that out. But anyway, this fucking therapist is keeping it way too motherfucking twisted. And I would say at the end of the day, here's, you guys hang out,

it's crisp, it's fall. get together, crack open a couple ice colds and talk over your sexual dynamics with your polytherapist. Yeah. And remember, always, keep it twisted. Oh, fuck. Holy shit. What the fuck? Oh, fuck, we're out of the twisted zone.

Keep on. We got to figure out some animation for that, Elvis. Speaking of the devil. What do you mean there is animation on that? Whatever, fuck you. Let's think there's another fucking call you, little piece of shit. Hello, Stavi, and beautiful guests, Elvis. Thank you all for doing this podcast.

I've got a funny story, and I'd love your advice. I'm going to let you know right off the bat. This is basically the ultimate nerd fantasy, and I'm completely aware of how stereotypical this is. I also think it's pretty funny, So maybe we'll get something funny out of this. Oh, that's the idea of the show. I go to a lot of game conventions,

anime conventions, blah, blah, blah. I run my own business in that kind of nerd geek space. So go to a lot of these. And there's one that I'm coming up to in a couple months. He owns his own business in the nerd geek space, which is underwear that you can come in your own pants. It's like thinks, remember where they had period panties that you could just have your period in?

Yeah. He's making in-sell underwear where you can nut in your fucking boxer briefs. And your mom doesn't have to do the laundry for seven whole days. I know, yeah. I know it sounds super nerdy. Keep going. Go to a lot of these. You can also shoot yourself in them.

They're basically diapers. He makes heavy-duty diapers. Hello, sharks. Hello, sharks. If you don't like the jack, what was our first idea? I forgot. Something to do the jack-off theater. Keep going, Eldis.

Go to a lot of these. And there's one that I'm coming to in a couple months. and one of the featured guests is a particular voice actress. When I was a young man, she voiced a character, kind of an older, wise, milphy type, who I had a big crush on. And I'd love to see, hey, maybe there's any opportunity you want to go get drinks afterwards.

I'd love to talk to you. Wait, the question is, okay, actually, I'm going to let this play out. I think I know who this is. Yeah, the guy calling or the lady? No, the lady. No, I don't. I think I know, okay, my guess for the lady is, I think one of, I think the lady who does Tommy Pickles has sort of weirdly huge tits. She just looks hot.

There's a voice actress that has, how do you? Because I just popped up on my, I told you on my IG fees. She's on the bride. She just part of the Algo. I think it was like a, yeah, there was a weird voice. She was in the, right? Isn't there like a voice actress that's like awesome fake tit? There is.

My guess is that it's the, it's the woman that, um, it's the woman that, um, did the voice for Ash Ketcham, the Pokemon. Oh, really? She's hot as well. Yeah, look her up. Interesting. Yeah. Interesting.

I didn't know that. Keep playing, though. Your voice acting about how great you are, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. So I know it's a one in a million chance, but hey, what do you think? What would be your advice? And this admittedly, I'm not going to cry for more than 40 minutes that it doesn't have. happen kind of thing. I should also say I don't have a major infatuation with this person.

Dude, I just, I think it would be interesting to meet them. And even if things are very successful, I'm not going to like ask. What the fuck are you talking? Are you out of your fucking mind? The question is, the question is, oh, I run a fucking, I have a business in the space. Because you fucking make the card protectors for fucking Pokemon cards, you think the lady who voiced the mom from Dexter's laboratory is going to suck your dick. What the fuck are you talking about?

I'm sorry to be so. Sometimes I got to slap my friends around. This has happened. So he called an hour and 40 minutes before this happened. This is supposed to happen. But there's no plan. I thought he deemned her. She weirdly responded.

I thought there was anything to go off of. Buddy, what the fuck are you talking about? You're going to have to engineer some kind of meat cute on the street. far away from the venue. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to, yes, you have to create a completely different life. Yeah.

What is, yeah, you can, she can in fact not know you're like this at all. You have to start wearing three-piece suits and hanging out like where she, you know, gets coffee or something and pretend you're, have a briefcase, fucking gel your hair back. Yeah, you got to like, yeah, you got to like, what, like Lana Del Rey's husband or whatever. He's like a windboat driver. He's just some regular ass guy. Yeah, so get a windbolt license. Yeah, yes.

Or a cop. Didn't she date a cop too? Yeah. We can't tell you to be a cop, but get a win license. Yeah, if you want to play the long game, exit the biz. Exit the biz. Try something new. And then maybe you can court her, I think, because of your differences will unite you somehow.

I don't know. It's tough at a convention that's like the wall is higher than it's ever been at a convention. mention, like, I, I, maybe not. And no, no, no, that's, that's actually the most insane part of this whole thing, is that you maybe could not have picked a worse scenario to try and fuck this lady at. Yeah. You think you're the only guy who's got this big idea. You don't think, and by the way, you're probably, in terms of the percentile,

you're at least probably top 50 percent of the guys that want to fuck this lady at this thing. You got a business. You sounds like you're well put together enough to form full sentences. Now, those sentences are fucking. insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you have a phone to calls. You probably have access to Wi-Fi. But, like, I need to be very honest with you. This question is, there's a semi-famous lady that I'd like to fuck. How do I do it? And the question is, you don't get to do that. Like, and if you do, it's not at a convention.

It's like, I, this is crazy. But, you know, the... the lady, you know, my new neighbor or like this lady I see in my coffee shop is like, it's like you, you're starting at negative 1,000. Yeah. This is not even zero. This feels like zero. This is so far beyond zero. And it's like, by the way, does she have now, does she have a reputation for fucking these,

you know, like fans? Because they're, I do, one of my favorite things about Carrie Fisher where she was like, yeah, I mean, you know how many guys who love Princess Leia that I fucked? because it was awesome. She was like it was cool as fuck. They were so pumped. And she just, so it's like now, if you're cool, is she cool? Does she, are now, but are you the sexiest guy at the convention?

Have you paid for a dinner with her? Like, as a part of a contest? Right, right, right, right. What is, like, are you going to try to hit on her while she's signing like a glossy? Yes, these are all questions that he has for us. Yeah. Right? I'm not misreading this, right?

He knows that she's in the building. Yeah, basically your thing is, I know the location of, for one day, I will know the location of a woman I want to fuck. How do I do it? Is there more, no, right? There's more, but that's basically the gist. That's the gist. Okay.

Get real, pal. You're not fucking this lady. I mean, unless. At a convention? I don't know. Maybe this guy has risk that we don't know about. Maybe he's extremely, maybe he looks like, you know. could be true.

Oscar Isaac or something. He could look like Oscar Isaac. He could just be really handsome. Does he know anything about this woman? Is she even single? Aren't these people married? I think you should... Here, there's a couple more...

Let's finish. Let's finish them to do the voice or anything because that's a little too goofy. Right. I could say... That would be ridiculous. Social. I mean, that's for others to decide, really.

I'm pretty good looking. Well, that's also for others to decide. I'm very lucky in that I've got a nice network of people and I know a decent number of the guests who are already going. But yeah, what do you think about finding a good way to be like, hey, you want to get together, get drinks after me and my friends are going out to blah, blah, blah, et cetera, et cetera. Anyway, good job with the pod, good job with everything. Thanks, thanks. You know what?

I'm going to dial it back. He's an earnest, nice guy. Yeah, he's not going to go, you know, full milady with it. No, he's not. In fact, I didn't misread him. I mean, this is still insane, but I think the fact, there's an innocence to this question

that is the only shot you have. The fact that this is not calculated, the fact that you really are literally like, you know what, there's a lady I'd like to speak to at the event I'm going at. And then when he was like, I know some of the other people that are going there.

And he says he's in the business. So now this is starting to get semi-interesting, right? Because depending on the content, you cannot, under any circumstances, is meet her as the context of pure fan. Yeah. And this is going to work. But if you have mutual friends,

if you meet her in a business context, if you tell her, hey, I really, you know, I admire your work, I love whatever. You want to throw her something

she actually liked, not like the big, don't tell her about the thing that she probably fucking can't stand voicing that you loved as a kid. Find some interesting work that she's done and give her a real compliment about something. But basically my thing is,

this is a one in one million chance. You say, hey, pleasure to meet you, whatever. If you don't hit it off immediately, just move on, brother. You can give it a whirl, you can whatever, but it's just not. I think the move might be just like, do not lead with any acknowledgement

of their voice acting career and just say, we have these people, just like, we have these people in common. I hear you might know this person. Sure. And you talk for 30 seconds about that. Totally. And then it's like, we're going to have for drinks later if you want to come.

Totally. I don't know. I think like all X factors that we can't see aside, I think that would maybe be the best. Yeah. Your thing here is like you have a one in a million chance and the answer is be polite and not weird. Yeah. And if, you know, do not push the envelope whatsoever at all, the first instance of a

no or whatever rebuffing you get you hit the you go away and you go you go talk to some cosplayers yeah and yeah don't dress like an otaku with like a pacifier in his mouth you know mommy yeah so have you ever changed like adult diaper yeah that could be do you like poopie or pee pee pee I don't know yeah depends on what you're wearing too but he's sound hearing him talk I'm like you know what this is just a nice guy with an actual question So, yeah, it comes down to how do I... You just have to decide if you have to look out for vibes. And listen, sometimes you'll be shocked at who you connect with too.

I don't know if this has ever happened to you where it's like, you know, start... I mean, in the movie, actually there's a part where you're at like the GQ dinner, which is so fucking funny. Yeah. I don't actually... We'll talk about it all fair. But like shit like that where you're like at a random place where you're like, what do I... I don't belong here.

This year I've started getting into a couple of those rooms And you'll be shocked at who just because like everyone there is just a person at work essentially You'll just randomly hit it off with people, right? And sometimes that's friendships, sometimes that could be romantic, who knows? And sometimes it's not even people you expect it to be, right? I don't know if you've ever had that experience where you're like, whoa, that fucking guy's cooler than I fucking gave him credit for or whatever the fuck. Yeah. And so look, maybe that happens to you.

Yeah, everyone's just like a person at the end of the end of the day. probably won't. Yeah. And then who knows? Maybe this lady's having a bad day. Because that's the other thing. I felt bad where it's like I'm on the road and I have like friends or something in a city. And they're like, we got to hang out.

We got to. And I'm in the middle of a fucking two week tour. And I just need to sleep literally all day because I'm so, you know, I'm sick. I'm hung over. I have a show that night. I don't want to do anything. This one might just be at work. That's another thing.

Yeah. So again, this isn't going to happen. Your only shot is to be very polite. And if by some strange, bizarre reason, there is an actual connection there, you're like, hey, we're going out to this fucking place or whatever. Or you maneuver to get into like a dinner with other people that you know there, whatever, with mutual friends.

Don't hit her with a hand buzzer. No. Yeah. Women hate that. They hate that kind of stuff. They hate that. Do not, under any circumstances, have a little fucking, squirting flower

of carnation that you squirt water and you're like gotcha so yeah good luck I appreciate the moxia

I appreciate the desire yeah and if it works out bring her to the cinema absolutely bring her to the cinema without question if it works out

let us know I will mail you a check for $1,000 American literally I will do that give us a call a little eldest

hey what's up Stavey and esteemed guest. I got a question for you. Started talking to this gal probably about a year ago. Nice. Going back and forth, sending picks, video calls. She lives in San Diego. I'm in Texas.

A year? Not really used to fly in to meet somebody or having them fly to me. But basically, I decided to pull the trigger, book the flight. And shot her. Yeah. I tried to pull the trigger. She's either going to be my wife or she's going to die. Sorry.

Keep going. Headed out there to meet her. And then she goes, hey, I just went to a tattoo shop. She's a little context, too. I'm in my mid-30s. She's probably 26. And she goes, hey, I'm going to a tattoo shop. I just got a tattoo on my lip.

and I said Oh, what's on it? What word did you get? Did you get WWJD? Did you get you know swag

Good job, I'm going to video call you and show you and she hops on the call and it says it says the word bitch The gal who I thought I knew

has The word bitch tattooed on her lower lip. Wait, like underneath the gums, like this. Who care that? Yeah. You never see that. And that's just, I kind of like to realize I don't really know this person, which maybe that's just to answer my question right there.

But is that like grounds enough to sort of, you know, reject her? And how do I, how do I do that tactfully? Obviously, you know, your body, she can do. what she wants with it. Right. And, of course. But it does reflect totally on you if your bitch has tattoos. About tax police.

Everyone knows this man's a dormant if his bitch has a tattoo he doesn't like. Yeah, yeah, exactly. That nobody can see. Yeah, exactly. I mean, the fact that the word bitch is too much for you is like, you listen to this podcast, don't you? Yeah. I mean, listen, if it's on her, like, if it's a weird muscle,

that if we're missing something and she has a straight up face tattoo, but it sounds like it's one of these, right? But is she a bitch? Is she a bitch or is it just funny? Like, why is this a surprise to you? And she must be insanely tatted up if she's getting ironic lip tattoos, so that's probably part of it. I don't know.

I get the sense that he doesn't care about the profanity, he's just kind of corny, you know? Oh, you think so, you think he's not pearl clutching. He just thinks like, honestly, you know, it would be worse. than the bitch is be like if someone just got a mustache on her index finger and just started doing that. I think it's like that for it. Oh, interesting. That's not how I read it from him. Really? I don't know. It's hard to say. Remember this. I feel so bad because there was a girl who got this when she was like, when I was like 16 and she was 17. And this is 20 years ago. And this was groundbreaking. Yeah. She was the first girl I saw with index finger mustache. In 2000, what was this,

six? That was funny. Where is she now? I actually don't know. I should look around. What the fuck was her name? She was somebody's cousin. So she wasn't, you know, when it's like, you know, like those kids that weren't in the main, like social circle, but it's like someone's cousins coming to visit or something like that. Yeah, the cousins. Of course. But you know what I mean? It's like when a new girl, you're like, whoa, is this the smartest, funniest? Maybe I was under that a little bit too where it's like a girl who hadn't rejected me yet. or just had an implied reject. Because everyone you grow up with, it's like, you know what I mean?

You know who wants to hook up with who when you're like a kid. Sure. Anyway, this girl had that mustache and I thought that was a fucking good move in 2006. See, I feel like the inner lip tattoo kind of like has that. It's in this family as well. I'm not saying it's cool, but what I'm saying is to me, it's not a deal breaker because it's hidden. If she got a horny-ass, like, millennial tattoo that was obvious, that's different to me. In her lip is like, well, that's a safe space to be a corny bitch, in my opinion.

It feels almost arbitrary that it's a tattoo because, like, I can't tell if it's, it's, because if it's, it's not a superficial embarrassment that he's worried about. Right. It's more of like, you're right. This like internal embarrassment. What it says about her, which is kind of, you're, you two are aligned here. That's fair. I guess it goes away. I think, I mean, supposedly. Like in four or five years or whatever. That's a good point.

Is he done? Yeah. I mean, look, whatever you want is a deal breaker. You don't have to fucking date anybody you don't want to. I mean, I have some bad tattoos. What have we got? And they didn't, you know, nobody broke up with me. I don't think because of it.

I mean, I got a tattoo when I was 18. That's on my butt. Hell yeah. It just says the word balls. That's a great tattoo. But it's like, it's pretty like, it's pretty like, faded from sitting on it. Sure. Is that how tattoos work?

You sit on the face? Yeah. Well, you like, I was originally going to get it on the bottom of my foot, but then the tattoo artist was like, that'll fade away. And I was like, oh, yeah, God, remit. Oh, I need this. I can't. This is a testament to who I am. I got to get it.

I'm fucking, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, you know. that was, you know, history. And, you know, that's different than if I got it now. I think like a friend or someone would be like, why, like that's so immature. Why would you do that?

That's a good point. I guess we don't know the, what is the picture of this woman, right? Because to me, here's the other thing, though, how many tattoos does she have? Yeah, does she have a bunch of Halloween-free, you know, lucky 13 Halloween tattoos? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. If she's a super tattooed person, to me, this actually means almost nothing, right? Like, to me, it's like someone with that many tattoos getting this, it's like, it almost becomes meta-ironic on a level. I mean, tattoo artists have some of the worst tattoos you've ever seen in your fucking life. The people who respect this art form the most, right? The biggest fans of tattoos have, like, kind of dumb tattoos and it doesn't mean much. So that's why I love Inkmaster.

I love it. You know, it's like the best. It's such a good show. And it's also so, it's awesome because of what it represents, but also the way, the, the, the way they shoot these shows where these people are clearly in a place for one week. And they're not sleeping enough. And then they're forcing random people to get horrific tattoos so that they like, so it fits in their, like, challenge or whatever.

It's like, do a whole back piece in four hours. Yeah. And they have to talk these poor. people that VH1 or whoever has signed, they've signed a release. Yeah, I know. It's like we're doing like a, we're doing like a like a coy fish that's like, you know, what do they call it? Trash Polka. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's the most, that is the most horrific tattoo genre of all time. Trash polka. Trash polka. I don't know that. I got to fucking look it up. You've seen it. I've seen it probably because I did, those challenges are the most heinous. I did drop off inkmasters recently, but I might have to get

And this might be a... It's worth catching up. I mean, there was that great finale episode where Dave Navarro was suspended by hooks on his back and was being flown, like, just flown around the stage. Oh, yeah, I see what you mean. This is fucking horrible. Yeah, like stuff like that. This is some millennial shit to the max for sure.

This is the worst parts of us. Although I'm seeing one half trash polka that's V for Vendetta and the other half is a skull. Yeah. What beautiful imagery that is. It's a little American idiot. Yeah, absolutely. That's brutal. I have a friend who one time was like dating this girl from a dating app who, you know, she was good looking, whatever.

But she was just like, she let him fuck on the first date. It was just like a nice stream of pussy for a little while. But he could tell that she could tell that she was just like into him in a very uneven, almost manic way. She was super into it. And I feel like he was just like, hey, I'm just fucking. And one day she texted him a picture of a tattoo of, it was the word babe in a way that was like very tight into like a weird cutesy like inside joke that was kind of developing within them between them. And she just sent that with a caption, I did a thing. Oh, I did a thing.

So that just happened She hit him with the Marvel Captain America Fucking little comedic relief Yes And I think I think that moment He was just like

I've gone too far I've led her on to such a crazy thing He should have to pay Court ordered restitution For that woman This was not This was not worth

A few extra times I got pussy And I feel like That's what this is This guy is feeling. Right. But he didn't, though. This guy's been in a like long distance relationship with somebody he doesn't even know.

I think he said he only flew out like once. Yeah. In an LDR. Wait, I forget how they met. But it's like, I mean, it's more of the shock of like not realizing you don't know a person.

Of course. He says, he says like, I feel like I realize I don't know this person. I feel like he realized how much she doesn't understand him. And she would think he would be excited by like her corny lip tattoo that says, bitch, you know? Yeah, and also it's like, what do you mean you don't know her? You actually talk to her more than like, you probably talk when you're in a weird long distance relationship where you

haven't fucked that much, it's actually one, it's actually a weird scenario where you're kind of even more communicative. It's one thing if you dated someone for like six months, then they have to move for work or whatever. It's like, you know, you probably FaceTime a little more, whatever. But when you started, when you met online, and the only way for you to have connection is by talking all the time, I think you probably know this person kind of more than you would someone you were casually dating in your own city is my read on it. Yeah. And he's just like, has he been, you know, pusmatized? Has he been reversed dickmatized? Yeah.

About, she's just hot. She's a decade younger than him. Maybe she's tattooed up. Maybe she's hot. Maybe that's all this is. And that's his kind of way of being like, what? what he means by, I don't know her that well is, fuck, I just, like, wasted 18 months of my life talking to a hot girl I don't respect basically.

Yeah, I guess that's a possibility. I don't know. To me, it's not, for me personally, it's not enough of a deal breaker. But ultimately, everyone gets to decide what a deal breaker is. That's what being in a relationship is. You don't have to stay stuck because you feel bad. If this is, like, a major red flag, then the, like, you know, everything around it must have been shallow enough that you.

You don't. That's a great point. You wouldn't really know this or I don't know. No, that's a great point. It shouldn't have taken this long. Yeah, it shouldn't have taken this long. And do you, I don't think there's anything wrong with being like- By the time they get bitch tattooed on their lip.

Like, you should know. You should have. There's been some signs. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good, that's a really good point. Yes, she wanted to watch. She keeps, she keeps sending you invaders in memes.

Yeah. Or whatever the fuck. Now we're dating ourselves. But maybe, I mean, She's 28. What's the equivalent? Did he call her a bitch? And that's why she got it.

Was it injuring? An inside joke. An inside joke. Yeah. Is she into being degraded sexually? And like she wants to pull that while she's getting fucked. She wants to be like, oh, fucking bitch. Yeah.

That could be cool. To me, that's an interesting application. Like if we were, if we were, you know, having this conversation right now and you pulled up your shirt and there was a huge Deadpool piece. Yeah. I would be like, I don't know. I get the Deadpooled thug life. Like I get it front stomach. A Deadpool stomach piece where his face is my entire round's belly.

That's not bad. I don't know about how I would feel about everything that came previous. Right. That is true. But you wouldn't, I don't know. But it's like hard to mentally, you know, make sense of that because it's like you wouldn't be the same person. Of course. No, no, I know what you mean.

I know you mean. But yet, I guess. and then I guess he now he wants to know how to get out of this or whatever and it's like that's not hard you don't live in the same fucking phone turn off your phone yeah I don't know

yeah just be like hey you're great whatever but you could literally just blame it on the long distance thing or just get your own lip tattoo that says like this isn't you know gonna work that it's embarrassing to get tattooed here and I consider it a deal breaker

and then send her a picture of that and then be like, see, I gave, I sacrificed as well. Yeah. I am also hurt here. And for four years, I'll have to look at this. Yeah. Or maybe take inventory of things like that that you have in your life that may, that may be a deal breaker for her that she's looking beyond.

That's a good point. You know, just, you know, maybe it might be a way to humble yourself in a certain way and just realize that everyone is, you know, has their own quirks that may not always line up with your romantic ideals. But, you know. That's a great way to put, all of us have corny shit other people shouldn't see ever.

You know what I mean? I mean, you know, stand up, doing podcasting and loving standup are kind of the top for me. But I don't know, but like tattoo, you know, can we all just admit

the person you're with is not gonna have, yeah, like you said, it's not gonna, not everyone lines up perfectly and there is, you know, stuff that you're not, that you don't give a fuck about.

And to me, it feels like he's just kind of out here and he's pretending this is some big aha moment. When in reality, it's like you probably are just, let's be honest, you might just be tired of being in a long-distance relationship with someone. That's actually- Yeah, the younger person. Long-distance relationship with someone you don't love is insane. Yeah. This is someone you met online?

What the fuck are we talking? Probably, I guess. I don't know. But it's like, an LDR has got to be with someone you fuck it. Like, you're like, this is so fucking annoying, but I love this person. and one day we will have a beautiful relationship together in the same city. If that's not your vibe, get the fuck out.

Tattoo or no tattoo. Yeah, I tried that once or twice. Did you? Years ago. And it's just like, I just don't like talking on the phone. Yeah. I just like, I prefer, you know. Like, I'm really present whenever I'm with anyone in person.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I really, like, thrive off that. But it's just like, on the phone, I'm just like, I don't know. I can't. Like, the humor doesn't work as well. I know you're saying. It's kind of hard.

It's like I like to see people's facial expressions. Yeah. You know, I weirdly do like talking on the phone. I think it's from like years of commuting to do stand-up and then driving on the road. And like, there were times in my life where I feel like eldest, we kept in touch in a crazy way because I had all these like two-hour drives for stand-up. And I would just call, I would call you. I would call Ben.

I would call straight George. I just had like the guys that now are just in my life constantly. we used to talk all the time. And so I kind of sometimes... I wish I can get into that. And sometimes I had like when I was dating girls, they would be like, it was right in the sweet spot of like me feeling like an old man

when I'd be like I would call like a girl who was like, you know, six years younger than me on the phone. She'd be like, what are you, my fucking dad? Like I miss FaceTime to me is weird. And texting is like, I actually feel the way you feel about the phone about texting, I think. Oh. I actually fucking.

despise it in a, I'm just, I don't like doing it. Like, if I wasn't in a couple group chats with friends, I don't feel like that's a real connection. Only when I'm really like at my laptop and almost it's instant messenger. Do I feel like I'm having a conversation with someone? Um, I had your laptop on, uh, instant messenger. What's up? On instant messenger on your laptop? I mean, yeah, you know, when like you have fucking, uh, when you're live chatting. Huh? When you're live chatting, you're shooting off messages like, I'm going crazy. Yeah. I'm like having a real like, like, it feels like aim, as opposed to your eye message, you know?

Yeah. That's rare. That's you're on a flight or some shit. You know what I'm like, when the fuck are you ever going to? The only times I ever had those conversations, I'm like, I'm literally on like some five-hour flight and I'm like, yeah, fuck it. This person wants to keep talking to me. Yeah.

It's up the flight. Nice. Smarter child. Smarter child. The original AI. Bring back smarter child. We should. Yeah.

That was cool to be like, are you a fucking bitch, smarter child? Yeah. So just, yeah, design some kind of, if you. want to cut it off, design some kind of like relay system where it actually puts her in touch with Smarter Child when she's texting you. You need an AI. Yeah. Ooh, that's true.

You need an even bigger dramatic reveal. Go back and pretend she's never spoken to you. She's been talking to your AI or your chat bot. And she'll feel like, this guy doesn't know me at all. She'll feel what you're feeling with the bitch tattoo with the fake realization that she's never spoken to you. But in reality, she has been talking to you, but you're just not listening at all because you're thinking about nutting on her. And you had one brief moment of clarity for the first time. And it's 16 months where you're like, wait, do I even fucking give a fuck about this lady? And the answer might be no.

Yeah, this is always what it took. Just be glad it happens. Yeah. Yeah. Sooner than later. Well, I think that's going to do for us here on Stavvy's World. Folks, go watch the history of concrete. Wow, you really should. It's very good. It's very, it is really fucking good. Like I said, I've seen it three times. Wow. One time in theaters and sober. Wow. All right. All right. Thank you. But if you can't see it, there's go see it. It's fun as fuck. And yeah, just go to the, go to the actual theater. Go to the cinema. The cinema. What's the actual name of it? Low cinema. Low cinema. Yeah, LOW.

But yeah, you don't got to see it there. You know, the run will, the run will end there eventually. but yeah, just go around, laugh with other people. It's a very good feeling. It's very funny to think you literally found a way to make, you know, documentary comedic filmmaking into a small business because you're like, eventually I will run my own film at my cinema and charge tickets for it. I mean, this is like what immigrants think getting in the movies is. You buy a small cinema, you put your movies in there for free.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Like, it's very funny that you have sort of turned Ridgewood into, like, a village. Yeah. Yeah, it is kind of like this kind of Ghanian way of like, you know. Yeah. We'll make our money back 12 bucks a pop. Yeah. On matinees at my, at the cinema I own. Yeah.

Well, that's the thing is that, well, with Magnolia, well, I was like, I was like, when the movie was about to come out, I was like, do I was like, do I have to pay you guys to play my own movie at my own movie theater? And they were like, oh, that's unprecedented. Yeah. Wow. Those cock suckers. So we have to. But after the first 45 days, then we get to keep, we have to pay them like 50% or something. Gotcha.

For the first 45 days. Oh, right. Second run movie theater type of stuff. Do you ever grow up going to those where it's like they're playing? I saw Stuart Little nine months after it came out. Yeah, or like lost in space or something. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah, we're kind of like that.

We're trying to get some more first run stuff. I don't know. Your thing that go in theater, the stand of a special. That was Netflix, right? Netflix, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, I don't know.

I've been thinking about what does a special even mean anymore? They're so, it's like such an, it is in reality an outdated concept where it was. I don't know. You got a cool director to make it. I don't know. You got money to do it. I love it. Don't get me wrong.

I'm really proud of it. And like, yes, Matt, it was awesome working with Matt. But I just mean like culturally, these things existed when you didn't have access to stand-ups. And it was like, I really, and by the way, they didn't tour as much or you lived somewhere. So it's like, it was awesome to be like, whoa, Richard Pryor is going to do an hour of his best stuff and put it in movie theaters. Whereas now it's like people are sick of their favorite comics. They hear me talk three hours a week maybe, minimum, or at least an hour and a half, whatever. Then we're posting clips.

Then we're, I'm on everybody else's fucking podcast. You know what I mean? It's just like, it just makes you rethink. Whereas something like putting it in things. theaters is interesting or putting like a non completely finished version of it like in communal spaces where it's like, because if the whole point is let's get more people to see it, maybe like, I mean, yeah, anyway. I mean, I'm less interested in the idea of viewers than I am in the idea of like just like having an optimized way to watch it. Right. You know, just like with other people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. The communal experience is so, is very important. So it's like, yes I guess what I'm saying what I'm trying to get at is like look most people are going to see this shit online if if left to their own devices or I have to go do it in person basically it's yeah the is is is like showing stuff in theaters for maybe even free like talking to cool indie theater being like go what like charge nothing I mean that's what we did with the Sherman's our Sherman special yeah yeah we just like showed it for free that's awesome I mean we would have charged money for it. Of course.

Yeah, yeah. Legally. No, we wouldn't have made anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, a lot of guys, we offered soup and a use of a restroom for seven minutes with purchasing, with signing up of every ticket to see Sarah special.

John, thank you, brother. Thanks for doing the Pathers. Yeah, thanks for having me, man. I can't wait. I have not checked out. You know, he's a big fan of your cinema is our, his friend of the show, Zach Cherry. Oh, yeah.

He goes all the time. Yeah. I've been meaning to go, I've been meaning to go check out a picture with my boy. But yeah, I'm excited, man. Yeah, anytime. Let me know you when you want to come. We always save tickets for the door. So I was just like, you know.

I will hit you up for sure. We got nice seats. I love the nice seats. Comfee's big with a bad back. I've been watching a lot of movies. And I will say, some of our beautiful movie palaces, they need a refresh bad. They do need a refresh.

They need a refresh real bad. We got our seats from a strip mall church in like Ann Arbor or something. That's awesome. That there was like a website called Seats and Chairs.com. There's the phone number. There's one guy that picks up the phone.

It is the most like Tim Robinson like ass kind of like job. How many you need? How many seats are chairs do you want? Now are we doing sheets or chairs today? All right, so check out the how-to archives, which John doesn't get paid. More importantly, check out the history of concrete and finally check out seats and chairs.com.

Please do, yeah. If you're looking for a movie theater seat or a bench, it sounds like they got you covered. If that's the one thing that's stopping you from opening your own theater, this guy's got you covered. That guy's got you covered. We'll see it next time, guys.

Oh, and I get, no, we're done plugging the special. It's over. We'll see you next time. Bye. See this special. Thank you.