Stavvy's World - #202 - Grace Kuhlenschmidt

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

Grace Kuhlenschmidt returns to the pod to discuss being targeted as inspiration in her Soulcycle class, kids these days just not getting invisible ink, why dating men before coming out felt terrible, getting sober again, the going rate for a kush volcano, and much more. Grace and Stav help callers including a woman whose high school bully is now a waitress at her parents' favorite restaurant, and an extreme spendthrift who's weighing continuing to be cheap vs. loosening up and embracing his current relationship.Follow Grace Kuhlenschmidt on social media:https://www.instagram.com/gkuhlenschmidt/https://www.tiktok.com/@gkuhlenschmidthttps://x.com/GKuhlenschmidtThanks to our sponsor!!Visible - https://www.visible.com/ SWITCH NOW!☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!🎤 Watch Uncle Stav on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/82055929‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld  Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Oh, ba. Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 904-800-stab. All the Stavis World hotline sponsored by our pals are invisible, and we'll solve all your problems. On the couch returning, Grace Koolenschmidt, Grace, thanks for coming to the new studio. Absolutely. You didn't have to come to a story of Queens. I know, but I'll never forget when I did do your podcast last time. I was like, wow, you're like really in a place I've never really met people who live.

you were like I'm so fucking close to the airport I was like that's awesome I guess if whatever makes you happy that listen I I I lived there when I was just like making 1500 a weekend playing like shitty comedy club no no airport right you know what I mean no airfare you know the shittiest hotel of your life you were still very famous to me at that time I'm sorry that the money wasn't reflecting well when I when I found it I was like fucking great dude anything to get me a LaGuardia and also Also, to be fair, that was, I've said this before, but Greek people have such a fucking villagers mindset.

Oh, interesting. That's the Greek neighborhood, Astoria. Oh. And I was just like, oh, I guess that's where I belong. Totally. You saw one guy who looked like you and you were like, I'm home. Two old fat Greek people are arguing literally across the street all the time. There was across the street, a fat old guy who would just sit on a stoop and just kind of wait

for teenagers to try and sit on there. And he would just appear and be like, what the fuck you're doing? Get off. This is not a cafeteria. He would be like, this is not a restaurant. You can't have sandwich here. Yeah. And he would just kind of, he would just kind of wait to harassing teachers.

And he would never go upstairs. His wife would fucking pass some shit. They were on the. No way. With a rope? With a fucking rope. They had a pulley system. Did you ever see that couple?

It was like a fat guy and he had his tits out. I don't think so. That was, yeah, you weren't as observant. That's a compliment, by the way. He had his fucking tits out. He did have his tits out. He was awesome. He was the kind of old guy I want to be minus brass in teenagers.

No, completely. I will say, though, the police system is like the dream. Like, I used to, like, I feel like, was that in like movies or something growing up where it was like that just always seemed so fun to me. Well, there was the, I believe the dumb waiter, which was sort of like the rich version of that where it was like, I feel like I saw that in Dunston checks in for the first time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where it was just like, you know, you put something down, you just put something and then it kind of

goes down. It's basically like the fancy version of a rope and pulley. But yes, I think that was, there was a lot of, I think a lot of 90s and kids entertainment was like hijinks. A hundred percent. Because it was like right, but we did not, I did not grow up, you're younger than me, obviously, but I grew up right before kids like had access to and to dream about gadgets and computers and shit. Oh, yeah. Now I feel like kids are hacking. They have like, you know, whatever. We're talking Harriet the spy. Like our entertainment was like, what? if a little girl was a noir detective? You know what I mean?

Like it was like, it was so, like old fashioned. Totally. Closer to like Bugs Bunny. She only had a magnifying glass. She just had the magnifying glass. I don't really remember that. I remember like. I did love Harriet to spy.

I did love Harry to spy. And I asked for a spy gear kit. Hell yeah, dude. That's probably Harry's. I think I saw it in like a bookstore. True. And I don't know what was there was like a laser pointer. Laser pointer.

And there are so many spy things you can do with that. or shine it into a bus driver's eyes. Exactly. I believe it was like, there would always be like some kind of decoding ring or like a... Yes. There'd be invisible ink.

That was big. Invisible ink was kind of the pinnacle of technology when I was a child. That was the coolest thing ever. Yeah, yeah. It's still, I hope kids are still using that. They're not. I haven't checked in.

Now, you know what they're doing? They're using the invisible ink function on their freaking eye message. Totally. Can you freaking believe it? These fucking kids don't even fucking know about real invisible ink. They're sending pictures of their cocks and tits to each other with the invisible ink function. I mean, what the hell has gotten into them, man?

We just have to draw our genital ink and then use UV light to jack off to it. Now these freaking kids are sending tits and cock to each other with the invisible ink. High definition. I mean, what the hell. That's why they can't keep jobs, you know. It's too easy for them. It's too easy to beat off these days. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. It's really fudged up if you ask me.

Totally. Totally. I feel like I kind of, okay, I'm 31, so I was born in 1995. Okay. I'm like, there's only a few years after me that I think are okay. I think you're the cutoff, actually. Really? You said, how old? You said 91. 95. Yeah, you're right there, bro.

Yeah. And you have a youthful spirit. I would have, I would have cut you a couple years. younger than even 95. Absolutely. Thank you. I appreciate that. So we're like, I do think we're sort of, then this makes sense why you're related.

I was like, oh, fuck, she's invisible. Ain't carried the spy. But you were right on the edge. I feel like I was at the, I have an older brother as well. Right. So of course, I inherited some. Of course. Amazing knowledge from family.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How much older? He's like three years. Okay. Three and a half maybe. Perfect. Perfect. But yeah, I mean, learning everything.

You learned a lot. That is, I always did. I was pissed about being the older sibling. Because it's, I had to do shit. I had to be the responsible one. It must be nice. Yes, he got in trouble. Oh, really?

Awesome. And then by the time I was doing the same things, like, I like was completely fine. He had worn them down. My mom was like picking me up from parties. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, he'd get caught drunk and he'd be like truly like in his room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's wild.

Get me out of here. For real. You can't take away my invisible ink. How am I supposed to draw a picture of my cock and mail them to fuck, mom? And my mom would pick me up and be like, you kind of smell like cigarettes. And I'd be like, I still thought I had to lie. I was like, you won't believe it, mom. This guy was blowing smoke directly on me all night long.

So he's taking puffs and blowing it at me. That's so fucking funny. Yeah, I wonder, I wonder, I really was scared to like admit that I was doing bad stuff. It's a scary thing. Yeah. Even though I was like, I don't know, I really did have a goody, shoes streaking me for, I wanted the world to like make sense. I wanted authority to be smart and you know what I mean? Right. I think I was as a kid, I was like, oh, you know, if I just

listen to them. It was really, it's so fucking pathetic, not pathetic, but it's like so cliche, but I was like, somebody who was awesome got brain cancer when I was 15 and I was like, oh, the world's bullshit. Oh, that's the best way to learn that. This is the only guy who didn't, I'm not exaggerating. The only Greek man I ever met growing up that did not cheat on his wife got brain cancer. And now I'm starting to think, hold on a second. Yeah, you're like, there has to be a specific correlation. Wait a second.

Do I have to cheat if I want to stay alive? A hundred percent. Scientists are scared to go there. No, it's really fucking true. Only if you're Greek. Only if you're, absolutely. That's the thing. Certain Mediterranean types of ethnicities, you have.

you have to cheat or a lesion forms in your brain that if left unchecked, and if you like check in on your children and take a, take a, oh, I'm worried about my brother. Right. And Ellis, you're about to have a kid. So just be a bad dad. True, true. Okay. Here's the thing.

Eldis won't cheat, but he will just be so oblivious to the needs of his child. If his job is, if his job is podcast producer is any indication, he will try his hardest and still do a bad job. So he's got to check out. He's going to have, you're going to have a kid who's going to be like, my daddy is a podcast producer. That stuff. I have thought about that. Sorry, Ben's catching strays because he's good at being a podcast producer.

I'm also here. You guys are fucking pathetic. Yeah, Ben, we're just pieces of shit, dude. Are you guys virgins? What the fuck? No, but you know what? At least you don't have to say podcaster. That's true.

It could be worse. That's true. You really are just right on the edge there. It could be way, way worse. It really could. I mean, I've, my dream is to have my child, you know, become a famous YouTuber by seven.

I kind of know the ins and outs and outs and out. You're going and I'm doing a Nep-O route. This is so. That'll be my greatest project yet. What kind of YouTube vibe are you feeling for him? Yeah. I think. Or her.

I think we don't know. We don't know. Them. Well, it's not get crazy. Not in my household. You're right. Not in an Albanian household.

Yeah, Albanians, they can be trans, but you got to choose. That's really their stance. It's like, look, we're open to the spectrum. But no wishy-washy bullshit. A hundred percent. Pick one. You can switch it, but you got to pick. Yeah, what would you like a Mr. Beast type?

You would love to be Mr. Beast dad. That would be awesome. To have a kid who knows that people will watch them sitting in front of a camera and counting to a million, I would love that. That would do something for you. You would be happy about that. If they got views, if not, I'd be disappointed. If they just did it because they loved it. If we're under 100 views, it's really scary.

I'm like, look, you have a few months of trying to build your views up, but if this isn't catching on, you got to pivot. Maybe we got to look at some family stuff. Maybe you need to get a little badder and we get. get some Rizzler kind of there we go. That's smart. And then, you know, the emergency pool is, you know, we got to start dancing. I get the whole family in front of the camera. Yeah, we got to learn some.

We're dancing at Costco. Elders, what Elders is going to do, he's going to try with his child. The kid's going to be like, I would rather not live this kind of pathetic lifestyle like you. And then he's going to cast a fake family and build a set somewhere on, in this studio. And he won't tell me about it. Right. He will come at 1 a.m. when I'm not here.

And he will secretly be filming fake lifestyle family content with sets on a green screen. Right. With like a fat little girl and like a bunch. I'd love to see that because I, the ethical question of like should you be posting your kids online and should you be making? Totally. Like no. How about we cast children that are already fucked. Look, if you're a child actor, you're fucked anyway.

All right. So true. So let's save our beautiful regular children to have. nice lives. We're sort of just sacrifice. We, it's kind of, it is essentially the hunger games, if you think about it, child stars is we decide, we pick like 10 kids. We decide if they're going to be drug addicts and die. We ruin them. Or if they're going to be like, okay. Well, no, no, they're, they're going to be drug addicts and die. It doesn't turn out good. No, Hillary Duff is on tour right now. Hillary Duff, answer me that. You know what, Hillary Duff is the, she, she's clearly

so much stronger than what we could throw at her. She might be so type-ed. that drugs and alcohol couldn't even like penetrate her. Yeah, she's so, she's like so type A, she's talented, she's hot. She's insane. I mean, she's looking insanely good these days. And here's what she survived. Is she still married to a guy from Good Charlotte? Yeah, the band guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe, and I think, are they still married? Didn't one of the guys date somebody in a fucked up situation? The good, yeah, God forbid. Elvis, Ben is literally producing and Googling. God forbid you fucking open a lap. I know Hillary Duff is with a musician because the musician follows me on Instagram. Oh, wow.

And I think I followed him back because I was like, you're married to Hillary Duff. I had a respect for Hillary. Absolutely. Sometimes you have to do those things. Saw the Lizzie McGuire movie in theaters, actually. Whoa. That must have been fucking awesome. It was like seeing the Beatles live.

I went to my little cousin's birthday party when I was like, you know. The Odyssey just can't even compare it right now. And I remember, I think I'm the same age as her literally. Really? I think she's 36. You guys are very similar. We're fair. People, everywhere I go, people are like, you're like, are you like related to Hillary Dove?

Like, I see it in the face. The bone structure. The dogros stuff, right? Starro's Duff. Yeah, they change it to Halkius at Ellis Island, but the traditional Greek name is Duff. Yes, Ben, what do we have? She's age 38. Beautiful.

She was not married to the musician you mentioned. She was actually married to. a hockey player. Who the fuck was married to Good Charlotte? No, somebody else, too. Oh, is it? And somebody in a fucked up way.

Like, it was a type of a... Nicole Ritchie. Yes. Okay, there we go. Ellis didn't need to Google for that one. The important stuff is up there. Yeah, yeah. We're big Richie fans here.

Okay, but she's married to a musician now. She is, yes. Fuck. Never heard of the guy's name is Matt Coma. Totally. He follows me on Instagram, so he obviously has a great head on his shoulders. Well, fuck.

Yeah. I was kind of hoping she was divorced. Like, I had pieced together this whole... You're hoping this podcast clip would go viral, go straight to her. No, no, not this. I was hoping she wasn't going to see this. Because that would have ruined the whole plan.

But I was just kind of hoping, like, look, I'm in... Things are going well for me right now. Totally. I'm in range to be a beautiful woman's second husband. She's already done the hockey player, the musician. She's out of that. She wants a nice fat guy to help raise her children. And I've, I've, honestly,

settled, I'm so, it's so clear my destiny is stepdad. Right. It's one of the, when I realized that, I was like, oh my God. Obviously I was meant to be a fucking step dad. Yeah, I mean, like, you, truly what I am. You ooze it. Yes. And I love to.

I am like, I had a great childhood, but just hearing you say that, I'm like, pissed you weren't my stepdad. Wouldn't it be, wouldn't you be kind of, you would hate me at first. Oh, but after a couple weekends. That's the thing. And I'm not, because I'm not going to push it on you. Hey, we're girl and burger. out here and we're watching my favorite food yeah we're grilling burgers we're we're fucking

doing cannonballs in the pool you can come you cannot come in them but you don't even talk to me I just want you to have a good time step kids are going back and they're like I've never seen a bigger splash from a cannonball this guy is fucking a little kids love a big ass cannonball so if I catch you young enough now look really if I got somebody at around 14 15 that's tough right yeah I kind of want you in there seven seven yeah Because then we're cruising. Then you trust me by your teenage years. Right, right, right.

And then I'm like, look, your mom's a little uptight. Totally. If you smoke a little weed, it's not the end of the world. Exactly. Call me. Right. I won't snitch. You know, I'll have that.

I'll be that. So I was kind of thinking, all right, do I deserve, in any way do I deserve to be married to Hillary Duff? No. But if enough, if she's divorced, right, had a bad experience with pretty boys. Totally. They broke her heart. She needs a prettier boy.

She needs an even prettier boy. she need you know like and I not and maybe perhaps she you know she catches the movie Tony that was totally you know and she's like there's something charming about that guy right right right and then I happen to be at you know some kind of uh I'm at these these heavy hitter celebrity events now you know things sponsored by things are really looking good for you for example or halo top the the ninja creamy the ninja creamy let's say Let's say I'm at a ninja creamy event. I don't know if you, that's like, hold on, hold on.

Let's say, and I'm whipping up. You're talking about like the golden glow. Well, yeah, yeah, obviously. We get there too, but I'm saying at the creamy event, I'm the bell of the ball. I'm the most famous guy at the ninja creamy activation, right? And yes, are they eyeing me for a sponsorship Q4? Yes. So I'm there on.

This guy's fucking perfect. Right, right, right, right. So I'm there on business. And then I whip up one of the fucking most delicious high protein low calorie desserts. And who do I see as I'm like, and I'm handing it out. And then I put them out of little cups because look, I like to serve. I like to. I'm like to serve.

I'm like, you got to try this, right? And I'm showing the execs. Look how good I am at this fucking product. And then somebody's like, what's that? That looks good. Right. I'm like, oh, I don't even see who it is. I have a generous spirit.

I say, take it. I'm done with it. I've had a couple spoonfuls for show. Yeah. I want you, you, I hear an angelic voice. Here's the client. She takes, I don't even know, I hear, hmm, I turn around, who is it? It's Hillary Duff.

She goes, this can't be high protein. This can't be high protein, low calorie. It's too good. It must be made by an amazing chef. Who in his spirit would be an excellent stepfather for my rambunctious young preteens. He must have been in a movie about a chef. He must have been in. The recipe is delectable.

And this is years later. so I haven't done anything else. I'm still talking about Tony. Tony is dead of your last. So anyway, that, I guess that's out, but so I'm going to be in a bad mood the rest of this fucking podcast. Totally, totally. Anyway, what do you want to fucking talk about, dude? Because, you know, I watched Nirvana, the band show, the movie the other day.

Yes. I'm very serious. I think it was one of my favorite movies I have ever seen. I'm mad. I was. truly like my eyes were teary at moments like I was like so delighted by it yeah yeah no it's so fucking good I mean have you seen the show no I haven't it's coming to Hulu I think so you can check it out just plugging shit I have nothing to do just my friend's show no check it out it actually is good

no yeah it's fucking awesome and Matt Matt's the fucking man he directed he directed my special too oh really yeah yeah yeah yeah so my god we had a very yeah he's awesome he's so fucking cool And the movie's fucking good. He's a good director. You know, he is a Canadian piece of shit. Totally. There's something there. I've hard to understand them.

There's something off about Canadians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just the politeness. No, they really are. But in a way that's not real. Matt is polite for the record, but other Canadians, there's something off about them. Yeah, I know what you mean. He's odd in his own way.

It's not about being Canadian. He's weird for multiple reasons. Yeah, I can sense that. Yeah. Yeah. But, no, we filmed the on Cape Cod, actually. So first time I ever got over there. That's awesome.

Pretty fucking sick. I just went to Cape Cod for work recently as well. Hell yeah. I was apparently in like the worst town in Cape Cod. You were judging an oysters eating competition. I was fucking wish so badly. I got offered to do something like that and I couldn't. The schedule didn't work out.

Are you serious? I am available to MC. Professional eating competition hosting or judging literally count us in. Yeah, without question. We're a package deal. Without question. Because you're more likely to take the offer. I'm like, yeah, it's the both of us. We only work together.

I don't watch somebody slurp 40 orsters without Koolen Schmidt. That's on my fucking rider. How many oysters do you think you can do in one sitting? Well, two dozen without even thinking about it. Totally. Without even, it doesn't even, it doesn't even that. We start counting at 25, right? So I would say.

Yeah, 25 is one. 25 is one, as far as I'm concerned. You're a fucking pro. If not, if you're a pussy, then sure. Yeah, I guess count them all. I think I could, yeah, I think four dozen no problem. Oh my God. If I needed to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if it was dire. For this hypothetical, you need to. And like, let's say pure, yeah, to save people, right? It's like there's a big trap. Yeah, it's a meteor. And I'm thinking, oh, I'm thinking more Bugs Bunny where it's like people are above a big boiling pot or volcano maybe.

That's freaky. And they're like a big thatch cage or whatever And with every oyster I eat The rope gets a little closer to the ground Oh God But if I don't eat them fast enough Anyone else have shows? I like meteor though too

But I don't know that I don't know what my oyster eating I don't know how that could counteract the meteor It's like kind of What do they say you get from oysters Like make you horny? Yes What's that called?

What's that word? It's the aphrodisiac Yeah like the aphrodisiac kind of like it illuminates like an aura that kind of scares the meteor yeah the meteor is so it's a little more complex it's psychological it's like the meteor can sense because like we do we think of these things as having no intelligence but perhaps it has an ancient intelligence right perhaps it's a part of an ancient planet that senses sexual vitality absolutely and it's coming to earth to destroy because it's like nobody here fucks that good

Right. It's a bunch of lip dick piece of shit. It's also like, look, we do this all the time. We did it just the other day with the dinosaurs. Totally. Like has a bad sense of time. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly.

To them, you know, millions of years is nothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, what the hell, guys? You're not even supposed to be here. And I guess the dinosaurs didn't fuck that good, which I could see. I can see. If your neck is that long. No, there's no flexibility.

No flexibility. No flexibility. And you're top heavy. Totally. If your neck is that long. I consider myself top heavy as well. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. But I'm, I've got a little more flex.

Right. I got a little more depth in my step. Yes. I just wonder giraffes, too, how do they fuck? If your neck is that long. Right. And your dick and pussy are so far away from your head. Right.

That's got to be difficult in terms of penetration. Also, because their, yeah, their bodies are so short. Right. But they got to, what do they call it? Like, um. Mount? Yeah, mount. They got a mount somehow.

They got to mount themselves. It's not really something I'm interested in. seeing if Ben is pulling that up. I don't. I wonder like, do giraffes have to put their neck on a branch while they're getting their back blown out? Or do you have to maybe, do you have to maybe burrow into the ground?

I mean, you know, if I can get a little cramped having sex, then imagine a giraffe's neck. I love, this is, it's so funny, like how a lesbian cramps up,

your fingering hand. It's not like your bag. You're like, if I get a middle and index finger friend. I'm literally at the gym, like, looking at the little, um, the little graphics of like what muscle. And I'm like, oh, forearm? I'm a fucking knee back. I'm doing one arm only. I'm like, I don't care about this one. Yeah, yeah. You got the little walnut crusher things all the time. Oh my God. I'll never forget a guy in my middle school who was on the baseball team and had serious anger issues.

Yeah. And he was constantly, oh, God. I would be scared to look him up. That's, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's look him up later. But he was doing this as a child. Yeah, I mean, we're really talking seventh grade. Like, it's a bit freaky. Nothing good is happening there. For a while, I was so fat that I couldn't finger, like, my shoulder would start to hurt because my shit would, I had the finger from this angle because my stomach was so protruded so much that it was literally like a.

Oh, my God. It was literally like a, I'm upset. Yeah, that was tough. I had to get, I had to become a finesse player. I could be a power player. The audience is learning there is that you adapt it. You have to adapt. You have to.

When it comes to sex, you got to f-fying adapt. Did I possibly cause irreparable damage to my shoulder fingering through that? I think so, yes. Your shoulder was going in and out every time. Yeah, every time. She's like, chill. This is weird. That's crazy.

You really were doing it face down, palm down. I'm trying to think here. No, it was like a, it was like under whatever, whatever. It was supernated this way, the regular way. I wasn't going, that'd be a fun like going freestyle with it. That's what I was imagining. Like a fucking DJ. DJ style.

But finger. Yeah, yeah, no, no, none of that. So there's a lot, you know, I was so at the gym, I was like, how can I? I literally talked to a trainer without trying to admit. why? Right. I was like, is there any way to get my...

There was a while where I was doing kind of this a lot. I was sliding pizza out of the oven a lot. But just with my... I could never find my spatula. And it was a very busy kitchen. We're talking. There'd be like four... It was a dominoes.

There was like four minutes where I had to like get like a thousand pizzas out of the oven for four minutes. And then after that, no peace is the rest of the day. Exactly. It's done. It's over. So is there an exercise for that? And they'd be like, no. We really think you should focus on your morbid obesity.

Totally. Before we start worried about shoulder flexibility. I swear, I go to a, I've been really in the zone of going to soul cycle classes. Oh, okay. The last probably six months. I love that. Which has been amazing for cardio, obviously. But doing absolutely nothing when it comes to muscle.

Like literally nothing Totally But anyways I go to a soul cycle class It doesn't do anything No cheek firmness Nothing A little cheek firmness

You know what I mean But like it is just kind of like The whole time Anyway I go in there I swear the instructor Just at some point spots me And it's like

You're our inspiration for the day I love that And it's actually not just soul psych It's every workout class They love to be like You What's your name? Grace

mid-class, we're doing this for Grace, everyone. You're just want to get a little exercise. You're like, oh, I can squeeze this in. You have a full day. They're worried about the meeting. They're like, this poor girl, she's moments away from being handicapped for her obesity. Let's give it up for her.

Folks, if we don't do this today, this girl's as good as dead. She might as well. We might as well, we either nail on our goals today or we start digging Grace's grave right now. That'll be tomorrow's high-intensity work. out is digging dirt and putting Grace's fat corpse in it. Is that what you guys want?

It's true. And you're like, oh, we don't have to. It works for others. They're like, it's like I'm doing pushups on my knees. And they're like, and if you can do it off your knees, do an extra mom for Grace over there. It's fucked up. But I kind of love it because I'm like, you know, they are giving me attention. You're the mascot.

I'll never like say no to attention. Of course, of course. I don't, I will say the gym is. the one place where I would like less attention. I would like to be in the, I would like to, and if it is attention again, I would like, this isn't going to happen, but I would like a girl be like, nice. Like that's the only attention. Like the, ultimately a girl trying to fuck you breaks through every type of like social,

you know, everything. Is there a better feeling in the world? Don't care, right? I don't care if like literally it is a, I'm at a tragedy. If a girl's just like gives. And it's got to be purely sexual, too. It's got to be like, you just want to be, they just want to use you as a piece of meat. I will take that, I will accept that energy anywhere.

I'll be at a loved one's funeral. Right. Oh, yeah. If an assassin about to kill me, then she looks at me, she goes, God, bummer, because you're really pretty. I'd be like, oh. That is so funny about the, I have a joke on the special where it's like the, like, the, like, I've had fat friends who are bullied at the gym, but. My experience, is worse. People at the gym are so supportive.

It hurts my feelings. And that's basically what we're talking about here. Like a woman, a woman legit came up to me. Like, almost in, like, what I do in the special is what happened. I was just on an elliptical. And a woman comes up with me, like, don't know her at all. Yeah. And it's in Baltimore.

And this is before, like, I got famous specifically in Baltimore. So it was like, and always in Baltimore, like, did I fucking go to Greek school with this girl? She's somebody's cousin. Didn't know her at all. So I'm like, and she's just like, almost in tears and she's just like just keep going it was she was like she's saying she's proud of me it's like

you don't fucking know me are you fucking I'm not kidding and she thought she was being like nice but it's like it's like I the fact that I was doing low impact cardio moved her to tears completely you're on like 1.2 I was 2.5 classic 2.5 just to get a nice base going you know what my god that's so what is wrong with her brain I'm like I'm scared for her.

I know. I know. It is funny how people see fat people is like, it's like the only value is if like a fat person decides to stop being fat. 100%. That's when it's like, 100%. Congratulations.

You have now started your application to be a human. No, literally. It's not, you're not there yet. We're getting ready for your welcome party. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're planning it. Don't make us have to cancel because we're all rooting for you.

We're all rooting to start to start looking at you as an equal. crazy it really is you know i actually was almost forced to spend a hundred twenty dollars at old navy the other day oh wow because i was in a bad mood and i was like i'm gonna go in a shopping spree yes i went into four fucking stupid-ass stores nothing had anything my size i thought old navy got you hovered yeah and even at even at your darkest hour yeah yeah yeah and someone even even commented on my instagram the other day where your pants from i said old navy bitch go get them I'm thrilled. I'm trying to be in an old Navy.

Believe me. Oh, yeah. You can get there for sure. I was definitely, as a fat guy that likes fun shirts. Totally. Who was broke most of his life. The second Old Navy dropped their like summer line.

I was in there and I wore everything within the first seven days. Wow. Because it was like before everybody realizes this is Old Navy, people are like, that's a sick shirt. Four months from now, every fat, you know, every fat guy who's like wife shops for them is wearing my shirt at a barbecue. Right. But that first window, being an early

Old Navy adopter. Yes. I was in the clear baby. And also in Brooklyn and Manhattan, you're safe, don't you think? Holy. Absolutely. Doing shows. In, yes, doing spots in Manhattan, it was like, people were like, hmm, what's that? No, yeah. I was in Old Navy pants at a vintage store in Williamsburg and the owner said, where are your pants from. I'm so serious. The owner. And there were two other girls in there. And I was like, you guys want to guess where they're from. And then I said Old Navy. And the girls didn't react. And I was like, what a fucking bummer. But they were British. They'd never heard of Old Navy.

So. But I was really ready to bring the house down. I mean, did anybody, did the owner, was like, that's fucking crazy. Yeah. She was like, get out. He was a gay guy. Oh, he was a gay guy. Okay. Okay. He was like, get out. Right. That's two strikes. Well, I was already buying something So he couldn't kick me out of that one Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. He was like, all right, take your tarp and leave Yeah, the funniest is gay guy

I mean, truly the most you'll get decimated for bodies A hundred percent Is gay, I never feel fatter than when I'm around gay men Because they will call They'll be in a room with a game with men And I swear they will call themselves fat 500 times Right, right, right.

Seeing right through me. Yeah. Is there a ghost in here? It's so weird. Is there a friendly presence? And I'm really talking about the skinniest men I've ever seen in my life. Of course, of course, of course. It's so weird.

But you know, gay men, they have a disease. They really do. They really do. They really do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess it is flipped, too, of like, because like when you remove the any potential desire, because obviously there's some gay guys who go wild for a fat guy, but the ones who Don't really, really.

I'm like, oh, this is what women talk about when they say the male gaze. Yes. And it's like, like, I remember working out it, I was just, I was in L.A. and I just happened to get a hotel in like West Hollywood. And I was like, oh, let me go to a gym. And it was truly like, I mean, being seen through is not enough. Like when I asked like, hey, felt like I noticed you guys have been on one machine for fucking, you know, 40 minutes.

Right. You know, and like, and I was kind of approaching it for, I'm just in straight workout mode. Yeah, of course. Which is a little like, it has its roots in like, just violence. You know what I mean? It has its roots in like football, like, in the locker room. And it's like, if someone's a dick to you and your program to just kind of be mean. Right.

And so I'm going in this interaction and being like, all right, man, just chill. Don't accidentally seem homophobic. Of course. Because these guys are being rude to you. you. Fallas. Hey, fallas.

Falas. Fallas. Over here. How long are you guys on that fucking leg press machine? And I was like, just fucking be a chill. And at some point I was like,

look, you're a guest in this gay gym, right? Yeah, that's fair. So I'm prepping myself to not be. Right. And you're not supposed to be there as a cultural rule. Totally, totally, totally. And the idea.

The idea that I would have been able to, like, affect these men emotionally in any way is hilarious. Right. Because they looked at me like it was like, like, like if a, like if a baby asked to like put on a shoulder pad, his helmet and like be an NFL game. They were like, it was so dismissive. It was like, oh my God, these guys fucking owned me so hard. They, in one look, they made it clear. That is like one of the meanest things I can ever imagine. They made it clear they don't care about me at all.

Don't care if I live or die. Oh, my God. Think I'm disgusting, right? They are, they are, they're making it clear that they feel they're being kind by not verbally speaking to me because if they did, it would be so devastating to my very existence, I would have to go home and cry. Yeah. And it was like, I was like, man, these guys fucking got my ass.

Damn. I was like, and they didn't say anything. I was like, oh, so you guys are still on? And they're like, literally like the meanest mind. mimes in the world. And they're Jack, by the way. And by the way, these guys are fucking ripped. And right.

It's not like I could beat the fuck. Like, you realize like this is how like when people encounter different people and they're like, oh, I'm just going to be violent because they made me feel bad. I could even have, not that I ever would. No, totally. You're like, I'm without weapon. I'm fucked.

I was like, should I get a gun? The first time I thought about having a firearm or maybe a small blade was when you saw a jacked gay guy and he was mean to. Who was so mean and so effortlessly mean to. Yes. So he didn't break us. In the rhythm of his conversation, he was talking, they were talking to each other,

but they would not address me verbally. And I was like, sounds good boys. I'm gonna go just. I want to see the security footage. I know, me too. The fucking blink in West Hollywood. It's crazy what like, you know, like it's,

there are people in this world where it's, and we'll put gay guys aside for a set. Let's put him aside. A little break for the rest of the day. But just people in general where it's like, I really can't imagine like, of course I've had moments in my life where I've like been mean. But I've probably always felt bad about it after. Totally, totally. And there are people where it's like it's just fucking in them.

It comes right out. Absolutely. It's crazy. I can't imagine. But probably it's like from growing up fat. It's like you can't even really be that mean. It's not that. It's not fat.

Because fat people I would say you grew up fat like when they try and be mean, it just doesn't work. Right. Because they just, at the end of their, because the fat people that lose weight and want to be mean, they have such a corrupt spirit. Yeah, and you could see it in their eyes.

You could see it. And you can see they don't believe that they deserve to be mean. They're weak. They're weak. Right. They think they're trying on being mean because they're like,

what if I was the mean one? Totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if I was never fat at all? If I was never fat and I got to bully me because I'm a piece of shit. I'm a fat little slug who deserves it, right? That's those fat people.

I think, I think honestly, it is kind of whose mean is really just, it's an Occam's Razor situation where it's like, people that have had everything and the second you try and like ask for something, they're like, no. Right. Like the mean, like,

in fact, some of the meanest shit is just like the most powerful people in the world deciding like, oh no, I mean, I'm not going to treat you like a human being. It's kind of like with a smile. Because someone told me I have more power than everyone else. Yes, yes, yes. Or it's like people who are abused, I guess. Abused, not fat. You know what I mean?

Like, because that's more like a, when you like find it like a, like a stray animal that's been like on the street it's like like sharp when you try and show affection it tries to bite you yes if you come from like an abusive background that could be how you relate sometimes i was a psychology major i'm well familiar with the science who's speaking up oh wow i didn't realize you had a scientist on the couch a psychology major where what was the school again oh skidmore college it's an ivy league yeah yeah is it no it's a liberal art school It was sick, though.

I fucking loved every minute. Like, yeah. I have an amazing life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it may have been the best four years in my life. Really? I kind of feel that way a little. I mean, I just genuinely was drunk at all times and like zero consequences.

That's so funny because you were, you were closeted for most of it, right? No, I was closeted in high school. In college, I came out my sophomore year. Oh, okay. I see, I see, I see. And it was talk of the town. Yeah. Yeah, people were like,

what? What the gayest looking girl I'm sure you really caught him by surprise? You were fucking hooked up with guys like a backwards baseball cap on and shit. And they're like, whoa, this is a straight woman. Seriously, yes. Tuck and digging like a bowler

dressed like fucking Charlie Sheen. I pretty much was. I pretty much was. A hundred percent. 100 percent. I, my style when I was straight was the worst style.

I've ever seen it was gayer than now. Now I'd actually argue that pretty straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But, no, I came out sophomore year, but freshman year I did have sex with four guys. Right. Some of them more than once, if you can believe, you know that.

Wow, that's fun. And it was pretty epic. But yeah, when I came out, I was like, whoa, my life is so much easier. Okay, that makes sense. Because I thought you like... Sleeping with women is so much easier. Like, see me with men, I seriously felt like I had like a gun to their head. You had the gun to there.

I've never said that before. That's fucking awesome. I remember. But I know what you mean. I could see you. I just was like, do they really want to be here right now? And that was you kind of being like. Like trying to get my brain to admit I was gay, but it wasn't.

You're the one who doesn't want to be there. You're like, all right. Yeah. Show me your penis. I want to see it. Show me your penis. I want to see it. I hooked up with this one guy on the soccer team freshman year, and then the next day I went to my shift at the dining hall.

Part of my financial aid was I had to work at the dining hall, which is a completely amazing. Anyone on financial aid freshman year at Skidmore has to work in the dining hall. It's an awesome way to know. The most front-facing. Whose family does not make enough money. It's like you can't, you can do, listen, there's no, no, you know, there's nothing against cleanup or like support staff shit. Of course.

But they couldn't have put you in like the night shift. No, 100%. They literally pick the place where everyone will be. Exactly. Just so everybody knows who's poor and who's not. Exactly. Real Brendan Fraser in glory days vibe. You ever see that?

Not familiar now. I saw it once on. I love Brennan Frazier. Is he the guy who played the whale? Tarzan or Georgia the Jungle. George's the Jungle. He was so sexy. He was a real piece ass.

It's kind of crazy. It's kind of crazy. Absolutely. He spanned a lot of, you know, respect to Brendan for doing it at every size. Totally. Even though the way we carried that, we did cover this with Mary Beth Barone. Yeah. How funny the world was.

Oh, that movie. I know what you're talking about. I didn't see it. You should. It's so funny. I don't know. No, Grace. Like, yeah, like from the community.

If he were a fat suit, correct? He did, but it's. I'm against that. Listen, listen, listen. I'm telling you, watch it. It's the funniest movie of all time. Okay. I mean, of course, fat movies are funny.

That's what. Because, yeah. Yeah, I'm saying that because I'm like, it's kind of just like big mama's house. If you like Medea, you're going to love the whale. Yes, exactly, exactly. Guy who only wants fat suits. Has no other, no other criteria for a good movie. Is someone in a bad suit?

The design is just incredible. It's your amazing look at. The cameras must have been something. Anyway, you should because it's like the funniest. It's like if those girls who are like, you're our mascot. wrote a movie about what it's like to be fat. It's so fucking fun. Totally.

It's awesome. I just, the way that I feel about that kind of stuff is like, if these actors love to go on a press tour and be like, you know, I had to lose weight for this movie or like, I had to work with a personal trainer every day to get jacked. Yeah.

I want the same energy for playing a fat role. I 100% like. Like Charles Melton got pretty close. You know that actor? Yeah, sure. When he did May December, I think he gained like, I don't know, 20, 30 pounds or something. And he was like, I was fucking awesome.

And I'm like, tell the world. Totally. Mac, he did that too, McElaney, Rob Mack, when he became fat Mac. He was talking about how sick it was to just eat like shit. And then you have the production pay for your personal trainer after. Totally. And by the way, you want to talk about, we're a package deal when it comes to judging oyster eating contest.

I think we'd be a pretty dynamite coaching staff to get hot actors fat. I think we would be so good at that. It's not quite personal trainer, but it's very similar. Yeah, it's really simpler. I think you're so right. I would be so good at that. Literally just hang on the couch with us. It's like just.

You won't fucking believe. Here's the thing. For four days, just observe. Just, just, you know. That part's free. That part is free. But then of course, once you're, you know, part of the Uber eats, the grubhub, then you are paying.

Absolutely right. Absolutely right. That's going on the studios dime as soon as, as soon as you get a little crazy bread. It's so true. As soon as you order. four appetizers. Right. Oh,

man. Yeah, then we're talking. I'm really, like, this is how much my food addiction is. It's like even when I, because I'm on JLP one,

like I've been on a Zepound for a while. Me too, brother. Nice, dude. Yeah. Even on it, I will still order. Yeah. Like,

like when I'm really feeling fucking crazy. Yeah. I will order like, you know, five entrees and just take one bite of each and be full. But back in the day, I'm eating the whole thing. Yes.

And that's, But I still... I still need it. But I still... There's a psychological thing where I need to put that order in even when I don't eat it. But that's fine.

That's just affecting your bank account. Right. You know what I mean? Totally. That's coming out of eldest's pay. I dock eldest's pay every time he pisses me off so much, I have to eat too much.

Yeah, he's pissing me off right now too. Yeah, we'll give you a gift card. Yeah, yeah. No, that's so fair. I will say it's like, you know, I used to have such a different opinion on GLP-1 stuff and I'm on the Wagovi pills. Oh, no.

And I seriously, I'm like, it's so freeing. I just think that it switched my brain into how other people have always fucking been their whole lives. But for some reason, because I'm fat, people want to be a fucking bitch about it. Of course. It's like, no, go fuck yourself. I want to be normal. I don't actually care if I lose weight or not. I just don't want to have this.

Also, I'm sober again. So it's like the last time I did, I know. That's a fun sentence. Sober again is, because by the way, me too. Yeah, I mean, just a month ago. would have been like, so I relapse. Yeah. It is fun to be an addict to the point where your relapses are kind of kooky.

Totally. And not like, uh-oh, we better fucking take his bank account. Right. We better not let him log into his own Chase account. You know what I mean? Because I have some friends that are that kind of relapse guys. Yeah. For me, it's more like, all right, well, look, man, you can only take 200 milligrams a day

for so long, right? Like, that's the relapse I'm at, which is kind of a, let's be honest, it is a pretty fat relapse. to have so much weed you like eat through your GLP1 and are in a fat you're fat and jolly half the time because like we did a couple

episodes like earlier this week where I was still so high from the night before and I don't remember I don't it's kind of sick I love I actually love existing in that zone and that's when I feel the most addicted to shit where I'm like

oh I like being fucked up there's a couple there's a couple Epsilon tires well folks eagle-eyed viewers might be able to see there's a couple days Oh, you're like that. Wow.

Horrible. Because also in Pennsylvania where we shoot, they don't have regulated edibles. They have like fake bullshit. Oh, God. So I ate a lot of those. I mean, that was me left and right in high school. And those could go coo bananas. Well, what would happen was I, they just didn't work that night and I would wake up.

There was one day where I didn't do it on purpose. I wasn't going to work fucked up. But I woke up one time and I took like 80 milligrams and it didn't do anything the night before. I was like, oh, these are a bust. Totally. And then I woke up and I'm like, I don't know where the fuck I am. Because I'm in a weird Airbnb in Westchester, Pennsylvania. I'm like, completely. I'm like, fuck.

And I'm scared. And then I'm getting a call. It's like, hey, are you on your way to set? But anyway, it's fine. Yeah, I'm so jealous. I wish I could. I mean, I'm actually not, but I wish I could do weed. I just, I smoked so much in high school. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Was literally constantly high.

Awesome. And then I had like one traumatic experience and then I was like, I can't do it anymore. I know. Like very too bad to talk about? No, basically, it's probably fine. I had a friend who was like a serious drug addict and she like doing heroin at school. A little different than we. And she like was sober the whole time I had been friends with her until this one time I was like

so fucking high at my house and she just like showed up and told me that she relapsed. And I think it just like fucked me up. Yeah. You don't want to get that. passed away too. So it is like, you know, it's just sad. Yeah.

So every time you smoke weed, it's kind of like killing her again. Yes. That's exactly what it is. And it's not fair. She should only have to die once. No,

that's fucking horrible. Absolutely. No, it really suck. Yeah. But now it's like a bummer. It's like, I'm seriously like 2.5 milligram

is my max. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. Anyway, I'm sorry. I cut you off to talk about my fun addiction, where you're saying you're sober, now as a sober person again, which let's get into, you know, why that, why you decided to do that. Yeah, I did like pretty much a year without drugs and, um, and then I just kind of went buck wild for a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

and now I'm back to it and I just feel so much better. What was going on in your life for that buck wild year? Um, just like, create, like, were you single? Were you like, no, I was in a relationship? Oh, okay, interesting. And now I'm single. Interesting. And I know. Single relapse, like in a relationship, you really did. My sobriety and the breakup are pretty much coincide. I see, I see, I see.

Like got sober and then was like, no can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, see, for me it was always the opposite where it's like, in a relationship, I would have just become such a piece. I'd be like, oh, nice, things are awesome. I guess I could just fucking do drugs and get fat of shit again. Right. I pushed the women who loved me until they begged me to just get one of my vices under control.

Absolutely. And I'm like, no. Yeah, I know. Exactly. Exactly. No, what? I know. Well, it's just so easy to be a piece of shit in a relationship.

We don't talk about that enough. Unfortunately, it is. Yeah. And I think some people are looking for that. Because piece of shit also is like comfort. Comfort. Exactly. It's the comfort weight, right?

Everybody talks about that. Absolutely. You don't feel like you have to put up with, you know, the how fucked up the world is so you gain that that nice charles melton 20 totally you know what i mean like um uh so interesting trademark that yeah the charles mountain 20 you know what they know him for gaining 20 pounds on the movie did a couple years ago exactly not all the shit he's up to now um so i see that was a moment of clarity for you absolutely and um but what i was saying about it is that the last time i i did my sobriety stint i like my brain just immediately turned to food

as like where I'm getting my dopamine from. Absolutely, absolutely. In a way that just like isn't productive, you know? 100%. So yeah. I mean, I wish I could do drugs literally all the time. I wish I was fucked up right now. But I feel so much happier.

I know. I mean, I do legitimately love the edibles hangover, which is the next, when you take, again, an insane amount. You're so insanely fucked up that night. And the next day, you're just kind of high. all day. Oh, that's interesting. Have you thought about just taking a lower dose edible? I had, that sucks. Yeah, why would I suggest that? I'm fucking stupid. I am seriously done. I want to be like, I literally was getting so fucking high that I was, I was just like, okay, and I had it timed out where it was like, all right, at hour three, you will think all your friends

hate you. You will think that the special is going to bomb. And I would literally prepare myself, it's like, this is just part of being this on drugs. To the point where I actually think I I beat weed anxiety because I would have like your life is over level panic attack. No, totally. And just fucking power through them. To now I don't they, now I'm just like I know what you're doing. It's almost like it's like if you've seen like an exorcism movie, it's like you have no power over me, Satan. I know you are a false construct.

That was that was me. No, I'm not even kidding. Me high as fuck watching the Sylvester Stallone movie being like, no, my friends aren't going to think I'm a hack with. Oh my God. Nice try weed. And then you just white knuckle through that. Then you get so fucking how your brain turns off.

And you have to be in bed by then. Because if you're not, if you're not, you will just wake up in a recliner. You know what I mean? And that was bad. Yeah. But also, but if you're in bed for me, with your CPAP on, nice and snug. Oh, nice. That sounds gorgeous.

And I would sleep like 11 hours. Yeah. Well, I love to sleep 11 hours. And then I wake up fucking the perfect amount of high for 10 hours. for 10 hours. It's so funny that one of the most famous drugs in the world, like one of the key things about it is paranoia. You know what I mean?

It's so counterintuitive. Absolutely. It's so bizarre. I mean, I think we've just, it's just, you know, way too fucking strong. Yeah. But, you know, whatever. Right. I'm not going back.

I think I will get completely sober soon. But I kind of mentioned to, I was being cagey to a doctor where I was like, I'm trying something. Paging a doctor. I'm trying something different and it's really ruining my sleep. And I didn't say what I'm trying is to stop taking 100 milligram minimum every night. I said, I did a lifestyle change that's affecting my sleep. Do you think I should stop it?

Because it's important because I fucked my backup. And they're like, right now your sleep is very important. I wouldn't do anything. And I was like, great. My doctor said I have to keep smoking. No, totally. Don't change a thing. Whatever you're doing, you look fucking good.

Keep it up. Yeah. But I also am a downer's guy drug-wise. Are you more of an uppers person? Yes, I am. If you don't do weed, I'm talking. Yeah. Yeah, definitely, like, cocaine is like my, oh, my girl, girl.

Interesting. Yeah. Never. I seriously am like, that is the best drug ever created. I think we talked. Now I'm having flashback. Yeah, I talked about it last time. And I remember my friend after being like, Grace, you have a corporate job.

Like, maybe we don't talk about that. And I was like, whatever. It's not real. It's just fun. No, exactly. Everyone has a corporate job. Four fucking companies own everything. Absolutely.

Except Stobby Baby Enterprise. An independent. Right, right, right. But we do drug test Eldis strictly. I think that's really smart. He's giving me the hebie-Gee's. Yeah, I'm so sorry. I don't like the new dad energy.

I'm so sorry. A smile on his face. Yeah. But there was a point in, in college when I like picked weed back up where I was smoking out of my bong and then drinking NyQuil. Awesome. And that was so, I was like literally hallucinated. You know what's so fucking funny. As a 37 year old man, I am in the market for a new bong.

Like I've been, I've been on like, what are the smoothest ways to smoke? And honestly, I think I might go real throwback with it. I haven't even told you this, eldest. I'm considering purchasing a volcano vaporizer, the old school. You must have been. Oh, I'm well familiar. In fact, going back to the beginning of our conversation, that was the, the zenith. That was as technologically forward as we got. Yeah. No, yeah, that's crazy.

Heat weed so much that it lets off THC particles into a big plastic bag. Literally. Like we didn't, that was the most. And now all these fucking kids, they're sending fucking I message. I know. Invisible ink. And they're smoking out of freaking vapes. Not me. What I was doing was pulling up a big bag of weed smoke and sucking it down at my weirdest friend's house. And truly the most fucked up guy. Because nobody normal had the money. If you were normal enough to have the money, if you were normal and had that amount of money, you were so rich, you just didn't like drugs.

Well, also it's like, for me, it was like you're either, you know, hotboxing a car in high school. If you have the pleasure of going to someone's house, it's like their parents, there's something up. Something fucked up. Exactly. Because they are obviously okay with the insane, like smell. If a 17-year-old has access to a volcano vaporizer.

And I think those parents, in 2006. They made my high school experience really fun. Yeah. Something was wrong. Something's so wrong. Yeah. It was either that or like later on when you would, when you graduated, it was like in your 20s, nobody had any money. So it's like the person who, the only thing they've ever budgeted and planned for.

Totally. is putting aside enough money for a $250 vault vaporizer. Yep. And that was a lot, that was, you know, eight weeks of work at the pizza shop that they do one, one shift. No, I mean, seriously, they were like, they'd get a job to buy it. To buy a vaporizer. They would, yeah, and they would just stop nine days in. You know what I mean?

They were eight shifts at a fucking Benegans. And then just no show, no call one day and never go back. By the way, genius. Completely fucking smart. That is entrepreneurial. Yep. Yep. Oh my God.

I forgot about those, but you're thinking of it. So in my research, apparently the cleanest way is. It is. Heeded weed, not these oils. Right. Who the fuck knows what they're putting in there? So for the volcano, you put in flour? You put flour and it heats it up so high.

Right. Yeah, it's like a packs. Remember those? The packs, exactly. That had a heyday. Where are they now? They got their lunch eaten by oils and vapes. and that sort of thing,

which is unclean, man. That's the kind of hippie I am. No, we're not. You gotta go back to vaporizing weed, brother. Unclean shit. Yeah, do I just take pills that aren't labeled all the time? I stopped, but I did. I mean, I used, like, in college, I would just,

I was like, I thought I was getting fucked up and they're like, hey, man, you're, I think you're taking Jeff's antipsychotic. Oh my God, almighty. That's crazy. I would like pick up pills and be like, goop, goop, goop. Yeah. And later on did I realize you could Google the things that are written on the pills.

Oh, right. Yeah, but that would have never occurred. No, no, no. I was like, fuck it. Let's see. Anyway, but yes, through my research, I have been looking into the volcano. And we're kind of at an inflection point where if I buy that, I'm pretty much saying I will stay addicted to weed for the time being. And if I don't buy it, maybe I'll get so.

But also, here's the thing. I like wasting money. Right. I grew up poor and I'm rich now. So I buy shit I don't use all the time. You know what, fucking, great? You talk me into it, Grace. I'm buying two volcanoes right now.

I want what's best for you. Seriously, that's why I'm here. That's why the guys brought me in. Yeah, thank you guys. Wait, how much is it though? How much are we talking? I think they're like, eldest, you want to do a little fucking auxiliary producing? Because anything under a grand, like, come on, you're fine.

It's under a grand. I think it's like, I think the deluxe ones maybe $400. What do you got? Let's see, a race to Google. 479 and 700 reads. 700. Jesus Christ. That is actually really...

Depends. Well, you're doing... Yeah, I know what you're doing. You're doing the AI... Hold on, hold on. You could feed the whole town with it. Great. I'm sorry. He's doing the AI overview, aren't you?

Ben, please tell me the price you're looking at right now. Answer the question. Oh. So he... I'm on the official website. So he's... Well, thank you for doing real research. You did the AI overview, didn't you?

Yes. The retail cost... The range of retail costs. He's like, I didn't... I didn't do the AI overview? The computer did the AI overview. The first fucking thing he pulled up on the high end.

I'm just saying, bro, get off the, thank you for doing real. Did you turn it off? Can you turn it off? I think you can. Or you just scroll really good. I scroll. I scroll.

Yeah. It's, that's my daily, that's my daily, uh, uh, form of resistance against our robots. Totally.

That's awesome. Every day I'm like, fuck you. You're a warrior. Fuck you, I'm, I'm gonna see the movie. You,

I'm gonna find out which movie Denise Richard showed her tits in without you. Well, here's the thing with it is like, my friends that use it, I just am like, but what is the question you're asking and the questions they're asking

are researchable. So I just don't understand. Yeah. Like, of course the AI interview just, or wait, AI, what's it called? Overview. Overview. Just pops up, whatever.

But when you're typing into chat, GBT, I'm just like, you just can put it into Google and find it. It's fucking crazy. It's really weird. People are doing math on there. Yeah. They forgot about the calculator. I know.

That's not right. We need to bring back. It's fucked up. I really do think we're so. I mean, luckily, these are stupid and don't work. Right. They will be too expensive. Either what's going to happen is there's going to be a big, I think we're going to just

have like a big AI collapse because this shit is so fucking fake. Oh, interesting. But I really hope it doesn't completely fuck the economy up. That's the thing. Even rooting against AI sucks because every fucking tech dickhead has kind of, our economy is so fake that these companies are worth so much money for no reason. And everybody's investing and they're like, oh, great, up up and up and up. Right.

And so when these things are proven to kind of be bullshit, I hope it's in a way that doesn't completely tank the economy and there's fucking, you know, blood in the streets. Totally. We'll see. But if there is, you're going to have your volcano. I'm ready to go. I'm going to have my volcano.

I will have a turret at the top here. I'm like, get the fuck out of my fucking podcast studio. Like a gun, like where they have like the gun turrets. Oh my God. Get the fuck out of here. That would be so fun. And I'm fucking shooting robots. They're trying to get me.

Totally. Eldis is there. I kill Eldis because he's trying. Eldis, they've, they try to kill Elders. They use Elders to try and sneak in. It's like, Hey, dude.

Can you buzz me up? There's a little robot on his shoulder. It's just me. Jessica. No. I'm like, yeah, no problem, Eldis.

Hey, look up and I got a rope like those fucking Greek people. It's a fucking grenade. Exactly. Hey, pull this for me for a second, Elders. It's not a live grenade. I'm going to kill you

and escape from my captors, too. No, you're not. Yeah, yeah. You really think I don't. First of all, I've implanted a switch in your fucking cortex. Have you ever seen Suicide Squad, Eldis? No. But you took the job, I put a bomb in the back of your brain that the second that you fucking

cross me, I press the button and your fucking head explodes like Will Smith in that first fucking movie, dude. So take that. I'm going to override it with the power of AI. And then it's going to fucking do the wrong thing and explode your fucking head. Actually, that is how you're going to go. Trying to use AI. to override my beautiful real bomb that I personally put in your head and then dying as a result.

We'll see. I guess we will. In six months or so, I guess we'll see. Okay, I think it's time now to take some calls, Grace, to really help the people. Thank God. Let's hit the fucking visible hotline at this. Oh, we didn't even do the fault edition of the podcast. We're calling this the fatherhood vault, the Sula Vault.

vault something, you know, we'll have like an animation. Okay, cute. The vault. Love that. You're in the vault. We don't know when this comes out, October, November. Okay, perfect. Do you have anything promote?

No. I will have something to promote, but I hope that it's out by then. My podcast. Should I mention it now? Just tell us and we'll cut it into the episode. Okay, fabulous. I have a podcast out now. Probably now, probably now.

Called Investing 101. Please go listen to it. And you strike me as someone who knows a lot. It's about investing. It's about ETFs. Right. IPOs. Right.

Stuff like that. And this is, they made you do this at the Daily Show? No, this is me. This is all me. Completely independent. Are you trying to learn about investing? What's the thesis here? No, I'm teaching.

You're teaching. Okay, great. Well, I can't wait to check it on it. Yeah, you'll be on it. I want to, yes. I can't wait to gain some incredible financial literacy. Yeah. Big time.

From your podcast, Investing 101, which is, out now probably. Ben, here's with a damn call, my friend. Hello, Stavvy. Hello, eldest. Hello, esteemed guest. I'm calling with a bit of a weird one today. I like to get dinner with my parents sometimes. We live in the same small Midwest city. It's a, I say small city, but it has a decent amount of sports bars, and that's pretty relevant to the comments. Sports bars, nice. Because my parents are incredibly picky eaters, and they will only eat at sports bars. And even then only like, hold on, hold on. They are picky eaters who only eat at sports bars.

If it doesn't have a blooming onion knockoff, I ain't going. That's so fucking funny. By the way, every parent talks about how their kid doesn't want to talk to them anymore. Right. And this woman is trying so hard to get dinner with her parents. Right. And they're like, all right, what are we getting some fucking wings? She's like, they just still have barbecue sauce on their face from last night.

That's fucking, that's all. It's, what, their pick eaters the way a four-year-old is a pick-eater. If they don't have chicken tenders. Fries. The only side possible are fries. Your parents will only eat sports bars. Where do we think, where do we think this is small town sports bars?

Midwest, she said, maybe like somewhere in Wisconsin. Yeah, maybe like a college town. Yeah. Shit like that. Can you give me a little more juice on the volume, Benjamin? There you go, a teaching moment from Mr. Sula. Yeah, and Arbor doesn't feel right. I feel like it's like Wisconsin.

It feels Wisconsin to me. Maybe they want cheese curds. Anyway, let's keep going, Ben. Only like one of a few. So I'm okay with that. I can eat mozzarella sticks. I love wings. She's crying.

They have recently fallen in love with a sports bar in town that the food is actually pretty decent. And I went there with them a couple of times. But on our most recent time, I noticed one of the waitresses, not of our section, was my high school bully. Now, mind you, I'm in my 30s. That's all far behind me. That's so fucking but I do have a like rule for life that if someone brought a nice to school to, with the intention of stabbing me, I kind of don't like them to have any part of preparing my food. Okay, so we're talking about something other than a bully. Yeah, I would call that attempted murderer.

Also, insane. Wait, what the fuck? This is awesome. This is awesome. This took an amazing. Really nice, really nice. Okay, so her rule, what's her rule? If someone tries to bring a knife.

They're not in her. She doesn't want to hang out. She doesn't want to have them in her life. She's fucking insane. Yeah, she's being a bitch. But your parents like the boneless wings there. Yeah. So what's more important?

I don't know. Yeah, she said, if someone brings a knife stool, then touch the side of me, I don't want them preparing my food. Yeah, that's what she said. That's fair. That's quite fair. Oh, yes. Oh, my God, I'm scared.

It's quite fair. Wait, so what is her question? Yeah, let's see what we go. Is it? How do I tell my parents? Yeah, probably. I'm, like, worried that, like, she's going to spit my food or do something else to it. I just don't want to deal with it.

I don't want to go there. The thing is, it's, like, pretty decent sports bar. So, I don't know. Like, do I risk it? Do I keep going there with my folks, or do I just find another sports bar? Yeah. Again, kind of a weird one. Your parents know this happened, right?

My food tampered with, I guess, but they do make them. mean cheese burger anyway. Hope you guys have a great day. So you've given, I love that she's given up on getting her parents to eat any other cuisine. That isn't even part of the. I mean, completely. Which is so fucking fun.

I mean, I get it. I tried to take my mom like a nice restaurant. Yeah. And she was like, no. Really? Yeah, she was like, she wants to go to like a chain. Totally. She never wants to get a massage.

Yeah. I'm working on her on the food because like we took her to a nice one and it's like, it went from like, no, I'll never go to like. I'll try. No. You know, like, so we're like, we're, we're wearing her down to let her have a nice thing in her life. Totally.

I think about how fucking horrible my mom's life has been. You're putting like one little pearl of, of caviar in her food every day to get her up. And how like, like, raising me and my dumb ass brothers in, like, and we, and like, my parents never wanted to admit we were poor, but we were fucking, like. She deserves nice thing. She deserves a nice fucking meal every once in a while. I love that for you. So it's, I love that you, you've given up on, on moving your parents from here.

Now look, I would say your parents know this woman tried to fucking, yeah, I hope so. Potentially stab you. If not, now's the time to tell them. Now's the time to let them know like, hey, that fucking woman with, I'm going to guess, a rose tattoo right above her tits in a place you can see where it feels like, why don't you move this down one inch and it would be covered? Oh, no, you want people to see you have a weird. faded road where the line work is bad rose tattoo right above your tits i'm gonna get you see that woman over there she tried to kill me when we were children i think your breads be like okay maybe we can go to fucking chilies right i'm also gonna say like you are self-admitting like the burger's pretty tasty

yeah yeah yeah so i'm kind of like all right so i don't think you want to leave but the thing is i think you need to figure out i wish we could chat on the phone right now sure but figure out like what is the current relationship with this person? Are you able to make eye contact and wave and smile? Or are you like kind of scared of this person walking? Yeah, because look, there are, there is another reading of this where it's like, we were talking about earlier where it's like,

if you were really mean, you're, you're either like kind of someone who got everything handed to them and has no empathy or someone who's like, had fucked up living situation. Totally. And look, obviously it's traumatic for you to, someone to bring a knife.

Yeah, but think about how fucking insane you have to be, how bad your family has to be, for you to be a child that's like, I think I'm going to stab. Right. So there is a world. And I,

yeah, bringing a knife to school is really like, so there's shit going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a world where this person, like, got psychiatric help, like,

turn their life around. Now, she is a waitress at this sports bar. And, you know, no disrespect. Maybe she wants to be the best waitress to sports bars ever seen. Yeah,

yeah, Yeah, yeah, totally, totally. And shit's tough right now. I get it. I'm willing to bet that's not what happened. Right. A small Midwestern town, was she really doing a lot of self-reflection? Sure.

I don't know. But is there a world where this person is even embarrassed by their behavior? Right. Yes, there is. Now, I grew up in, you know, in Baltimore, I can think of people who were violent when we were children. And, yeah, I know, too, that turn their life around. And I know hundreds that are criminals. So it's like, it's, maybe not hundreds, tens, tens of criminals.

The statistics still, you know what I mean? I'm reading for it. My personal, sort of like, oh, and many of them were criminals that never got caught, by the way. Some of them are like just pieces of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's them being smart, not how Baltimore cops don't care if a restaurant owner is a rapist. That's, that's, that's, it's that they're smart, you know, it's like, Anyway.

So I'm not willing to bet that that's what's going on. But, and I think what we're picking up here is she's in sports bar jail. Yep. She finally found one where the burger hits. That really sounds like I get the predicament. I really do. I think you just have to be like, are you scared right now? And if the answer is yes, then I don't think it's worth it.

I think, yeah. Look, fucking door dashing. Totally. You know what I mean? If you really love the burger, get it. Yeah, use a little fake name. Use a fake name. Or also just like, tell your parents like that's where you guys go, but when we're

together, I can't go there. Yeah, that's date night. Right. And you're about to beat it up, pop. Yeah, literally. That's where you and mom go. A hundred percent. Yeah, yeah.

When she's getting a white ziff and dale. When the lube's been delivered from Amazon, that's where you go. She's getting a white zin out of a bag, out of a, out of a fucking garbage size bag. That's where you and mom go to get fucking freaky. Oh my gosh. But we need to, yeah, I personally, putting myself in the same, situation. I would not, and I didn't feel, and I didn't know that this person like was

hospitalized, medicated, doing well, had a family, all this other shit. I wouldn't go there. No. I don't have a bully, I don't have anybody from my past that quite rises to this level. Yeah. But even more minor enemies, I wouldn't want them dealing with my food. Yeah, I just think, like, you know, emotional bullying is just a very different world from knife. Emotional bullying is so, so, again, when your kids, because the other thing is you look back, and now, you know, I'm fucking 37, I don't care about getting bullied

in fucking grade school. What am I, a baby? You understand that like, that, like, those. He's so fucking strong. I'm fucking strong, dude. It doesn't bother me. I'm over it.

I'm fucking cool. I hope your audience can feel like that. Can you feel? Because, like, you seriously are, you're bulletproof. Nothing too alone. I don't think about it at all. I don't think like if it happened now, things would be fucking different.

I'm over it. But like, but even like the bullying that did happen, it's like, who gives a fuck? Those kids probably had bad lives. Right. Whatever, whatever. Right. But man, when you're like, can I trust this person not to put a poison in my? And again, they're probably not going to do that.

Right. But they might need this job. You know what I mean? And like. If they're, if they're reformed, but still a piece of shit. in their heart, they might rub their pussy on it. They might spit on it. Oh, I worked in service industry, did that all the time.

You might run a fry under the underside of the line cooks nuts. You might trace the seam of his balls with a steak fry. You might do something like that. And that's not as bad as dying, but it's not something I'm interested in experiencing. No, it's not something you even want, you know what I mean, up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Horatio Sands and they might hit you with the Horatio Sands and fucking road trip. You ever see that?

He flips some toes. He opens his fucking underwear. It's actually a really funny scene. I am now remembering Horatio Sands is a sex predator. And strike from the record that I thought. You know what? Keep it because it's like putting Barry Bonds in the Hall of Fame. He deserves it, but he was a piece of shit.

That's what I'll say. Yeah, okay. Fuck Horatio Sands because he's a piece of shit. Thank you. But the person who wrote Road Trip and crafted a scene where a fat guy puts French toast in his nuts, that person deserved the accolades. But if that was improv by Horatio, then... I'd no longer like... Look up who wrote Road Trip. Probably Ernest Hemingway. Sylvia. It was his last manuscript.

Written by Todd Phillips and Scott Armstrong. Of course. If we got... If we got Todd Phillips in the mix... I mean, seriously. Did he direct Road Trip? Did I forget that? That movie's fucking good. He wrote it. And that's an... Who's in that one again? Yeah, he did direct it. I know I've seen it, but which one's road trip? Tom Green. That's the one where Sean William Scott. That is the one where I believe somebody cheats on their girlfriend on tape and they have to intercept the tape before his girlfriend finds it. Wait, really?

Something like that. It's, and the road trip is trying to get the tape before. And I don't know if he cheated or if it looks like he cheated. But it is also, you want to talk about the Odyssey, that might be my favorite Odyssey adaptation because they're at Ithaca college. and they go to an Odyssey to get the cheating. Oh my God, for real? Yeah. Holy shit.

I don't know anything about the fucking Odyssey. It's good. The actual book, you know, is good. He becomes insecure when he can't regularly reach Tiffany by phone, fearing infidelity. He begins sending her videotape messages. Okay. Keep reading if you... Oh, his AI overview stop.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The robot unplugged. So I just fucking forgot. Why did you pause for seven seconds? Because I'm trying to... This is... why you need the AI overview because now I have to reach it on Wikipedia.

When you hire two guys to produce a podcast and Ben is doing all the actual work, you don't have the fucking brainpower to read a fucking article. I'm trying to glean it quickly. They need our money. Amen.

Donate to, if you have the dollar, folks, donate. Donate. It is funny because when I was in middle school, they were like, do not use Wikipedia. Now I'm like, that's like the library of No, Wikipedia is the most intelligent being we've ever had. Yes, you're right. He and Beth escaped his room and record themselves having sex.

Okay. Next morning, he tells his friends he slept with Beth and recorded it. They immediately put it. I got it. It's fine. Don't try and read now. It's too little too late. Yeah.

Anyway, check out road trip. So watch road trip with your family sometimes. Instead of going to the place, order DoorDash. Watch road trip. I'm like, how did we get here? I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, whatever.

Don't go there. Next question. Hey, Thabi, seen gas, I'll just get right to it. This is mostly just context for my question. I spend most of my life prioritizing, saving money over actually living. Starting at 12, I used my son of vacations to work. My parents paid for college, but I still worked almost full time throughout. I love when you can tell they wrote it first.

And I was so frugal that I'd avoid going places because I didn't want to spend money on gas. going out with friends because I didn't want to spend money on food or drink. Damn. Eventually I realized this was hurting my friendships and making me pretty difficult to be around. I worked really hard on this. And now I spend much more freely on travel and experiences than the people I love. I love that. I'm 30.

I've built my saving and I'm happier and less stressed about money than I've ever been. He's like, but now I have too much money. I've also had a few relationships, but none lasting more than two years. I've now been with my girlfriend for six months in this. Relationship feels completely different than I've ever had. She has a four-year-old daughter who I've become incredibly close with. I'm essentially already acting as a stepdad and we're planning on moving in together when my lease is up in February. I don't feel like we're moving too fast at all, but I'm sure people would.

I can genuinely see myself marrying her. He's 30. But I'm on the fence about having children together. He's 24? Honestly, that goes back to my relationship with money. I've made a lot of progress, but I'm still not exactly stoked about spending hundreds of thousands to raise a child. I truly hate working, and I've built my finances around the idea of potentially retiring very early. Having a child could mean...

What are you going to do? Another 10-plus. He lost me. Yeah. He really had me, like, wrapped around his finger. But I do think this is so clearly whatever psychological issue he has with money. 100%. Like coming back when the stakes are actually...

It's trauma, but I guess he's... He said he grew up poor, right? Is that what he said? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, listen, I grew up poor, too. My relationship with money is a lot different. Like, I never budgeted until I just didn't ever have to.

So I got lucky. She would actually gone bad for me if it didn't work out. I mean, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would be back at Baltimore for sure. Right. Working at a, I'd be at that sports bar with that stabby whore. Right.

That stabby mentally insane bully or whatever. I know. No disrespect again. No, you guys would be cute. Shout out to the service. You guys would be really cute. We would be a cute couple. Wait, I will say the last time I did your podcast, there actually were like two comments that were like,

if Grace was straight, they'd be a fucking adorable fat couple. I was reading in comments like literally smiling. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that is true. It's really cute. It is cute. But again, that is more not fat people. Seeing fat people as like, poise to put together.

It's like, isn't it cute when Sailor Moon and Goku are together? It's like, that's how they see fat. Every time I do anything with a fat person. circles look good together. It would be different if it was a circle and a rectangle. Okay, is there more let's let them finish? Oh, we haven't

let him finish. Jesus. Sorry. That's how the show goes. Another 10 plus years of working. I love kids and I think about one to bring a lot of joy and happiness to both realize and purpose. So my question is, I spent most of my youth sacrificing experiences

to achieve financial freedom. Now that I've built some freedom, am I supposed to sacrifice that again for a family? How do you know when you're saved enough to start prioritizing your life and your money is, that your money is supposed to give you? I'm genuinely terrified of dying at my desk.

Does it sound like I'm being reckless or does it sound like I'm finally learning to take a risk on something that feels genuinely right? Thanks, guys. You're welcome. Respect. I mean, honestly, this is fascinating because

his two greatest fears are at odds with each other in a way that will ensure he's never happy. He's like I'm either I'm wasting my whole life or I'm gonna fucking die right now. Yeah, it's like I will be on the street

or I die at my desk and it's like brother, it's like it's one or the other and in fact it shouldn't be either it should be them. You know this though. This guy knows this where you've experienced a easy

version of this conundrum, which is you realize that nobody wants to be around the cheap prick who Venmo's you for fucking an $8.00 fucking, you know, whatever the fuck. I was going to say soda, but there's no $8 soda. An $8. Not yet, but I can't wait for the day there is. Oh, when they invent the $8 soda, that's probably so tasty. Who venmo's, let's say, an $8 fucking thing of popcorn or whatever, the movies. Whatever.

I'll stick with sodas. You know what? You're at the movies. Be confident. They charge you $8 at the soda. for soda. So it makes sense. Yes.

And if my fucking bully from elementary school is watching, you can't make fun of me about that. I meant to say $8 soda. So a hand to the freaking face, boo ya. Like, you've realized that that cost you,

being that cheap, that frugal. Yeah. This is now just that with stakes, right? you're saying you're dude you fucking honestly you're usually the only thing you need to do watch the fucking christmas carol you're literally talking about being scrooge bro do you want to be fucking scrooge or do you want to be fucking the poor guy with his fucked up kid with his

fucked up little legs but he's happy 100 you know what i mean like that's the and so now is there a separate issue here about the moving fasting 24 he's 24 yeah he's 24 his girl is He's 24. She's... She's 30 and she has a four-year-old. Well, listen, look, are you moving a little too fast? I don't know what to tell you there. I mean, I'm a lesbian, so like...

No, you're moving slow. Grace has technically been married eight times. Civil Union laws have stopped her from being married, but yeah. Like, I think you just can't... The money thing is clearly a psychological hang-up for you. It is a, it is a, it is something that is not rational, it's not logical. It's clearly you, if you've saved up a little money, go to fucking therapy about it. Right.

Sure. Because this is just like a, this is just something that is there. And look, I actually, I do get this because I joke about never knowing shit about money, but I, it was so, I was so aware that my dad was in debt, that my parents were in debt that I was like, I'm not going to college if I have to take out a student alone. Totally. And I went to a small school like 20 minutes from my house. And I went on scholarship. So that's literally the only reason I went to college was because I was like, I'm not doing it. I never had credit card debt.

I was whenever I got money, I didn't have money. I just didn't have negative. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were never saving until it happened to you. It was it was like the level of financial literacy I had was don't have negative money, which I guess is a step up from what, you know, my family. But I do get being fucking scared of this shit. For sure.

But you're realizing what is so much more important. I mean, you have a relationship with this kid. You clearly love this woman. Are you moving too fast? I don't know. I mean, look, dude, it sounds like shit's going good. You will just have to think about that. Those are two separate issues, right?

But couching it in the terms of wasting my money on a family is the wrong. This is why you have money. You love this woman. You love her daughter. You're like, I sacrificed my, you know, experiences in my youth. Take this fucking little kid to Disney world, bro. Take or not, you know, whatever. Go to a beach.

Like, have the experiences with people you love. I can tell you as the like, my shit is kind of the opposite where it's like I built up my career so much at the expense of kind of every other part of my humanity. Totally. You know what I mean? Like the last four or five years, it's been a serious struggle where I'm like, what am I doing this for? Right.

And so it sounds like you're dealing with the same thing. I can tell you my plan. It's been my plan for a while. It's like, yeah, after this run, I want to, I want to do all the stuff that I have not, I want to spend a couple years of my life where my career's in the background and personal life, all this other shit is in the, you know, hang out with my family, seeing my nephew, visiting all the babies in my family, giving eldest's child a strong male role model because he will not have that. I know.

I was worried about that. I'm glad you're stepping up. Yeah, in Elders' home, they follow the same hierarchy as Dobby Baby Enterprises. So he is a high ranking. He's high ranking, but he's not number one, obviously. Yes. But yeah, so I would say you're in danger of like losing. And look, I don't even know if this relationship is going to work out.

Who's to say something could happen. This girl could be fucking crazy and the kid could suck. We don't actually know. The kid might be a real done. You know, after, after, maybe she's dumb. But don't you think it's fair for him to ask himself? Like, if he were to die at his desk tomorrow, where would he want that money to go? If the answer is to the girl and the kid, then you're absolutely, you absolutely know what track you're trying to follow up.

That's a great point. That's another. If the answer is like my parents and I wouldn't want this woman and her kid to get a dime. No, but I think the answer, unfortunately, I think the answer would be, uh, I wish I could go back in time and spend it. Like, I think the reality is, it's not. And I think, you know, who knows where he would give the money. I wish I could have gotten them gifts or like experiences. I wish I had just done something.

And so I would see what is the real root of this? Okay, your parents grow poor. A lot of people's parents grow poor. Most people do not develop this type of psychological. In fact, I would say most people who grow poor just are bad with money. Totally. So it's like, he should be proud that he like, you know, is careful about things. It's definitely like a good thing.

In terms of psychological issues to have. being so good with money at this current day and age where like everyone who works hard can't buy a fucking house exactly that's not the worst look at it that way you do have a psychological issue but you got kind of a good one right no it's the one most people would take it's the one you'd want as opposed to yeah gambling addict you know what i mean like he also it's like okay he said he like lost friendships and whatever throughout his life because of this it's like well maybe it's like a little sign from the world that like this is what you're supposed to do with the money. Yeah,

like create a fucking life for yourself. And by the way, you're young enough. This is the age where you should be having these realizations. Right. And your mid-20s is kind of when you figure out who you really are. 24 is a baby though. Super baby. That's why I'm saying like, that's why I'm saying like what you need to focus on is fixing

your issues with money. Is this too fast? Is it not? Right. That's for another time. That's a different thing. Don't get married like right this moment. But he's also conflated.

the two things where it's like, well, the money, I guess the problem is you see everything as having financial value. And you see it as like, is having a child, you even said it, I don't really feel like spending hundreds of thousands of dollars on a kid. That's not how anybody sees having a kid. No, when you have, you have a kid because you want to have a fucking kid. You want to have a family. It's like, yes, of course it's expensive as fuck. What the fuck else are you going to do with your money? Yeah. It's a per, it's a literal human being. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so, you know, I don't, you, I think you need to figure out, you need to go to therapy

and talk about this shit. Because like, what's the root of this? You know, where, you know, what behavior that your parents did specifically has you feeling this way? And, and yeah, but I get it though, because I also have that thing of like, is this relationship. I have that thing of like seeing a relationship as like a burden instead of a good thing. and it sounds like he has that too where it's like naturally

you just look at and that might come from having the types of parents and fucking, you know, wasted money, didn't fucking care about you. You see the people

around you who love you is something that you have to fucking put up with. Yeah, it's like maintenance fees. Yeah. You're seeing it as like, fuck I gotta kiss my girlfriend today.

Jesus Christ. Holy fuck, that actually is so fucked and true about you just like by accident, completely. sent me spiraling. 100%.

And so, like, yeah, dude, I think this is so, this is just, the Cliff Notes version of this is like, absolutely you cannot be afraid to spend money on stuff like this. In particular, if you're like, this is the girl I want to be with.

Right. And look, is it a pinch early? Maybe, but it's also like cute. It's nice. If you're actually in love, she's probably pumped to have somebody who's like nice and, you know, like wants to build a life with her.

You have a relationship with this kid. Yeah. She's open having more kids with you and he said he wants to have kids. So it's like, look, how this relationship goes, I'm not sure. But you can't let this psychosis, this like this like fucking money obsession stop you from living a full life. That would be the overall note that I would get our pal here. And he has the opportunity to like, you know, teach the kid some things that he didn't learn. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, that's the nice. I mean, it is cute to see my brother like. be an awesome dad. Totally. You know, that's fucking awesome. That's like a better dad than our dad for real. And, you know, he had an opportunity to be a better dad. So he's doing it.

It's nice to see people who do, you know, that shit is cute. So yeah, that's an ultimate way of like, if you do have some resentment towards your family, honestly, the best way is to just make a better family for it. Because also, something I will say about like trauma and those kinds of things is like you just have to work on it. No one fucking cares. No one gives a fuck. No one gives a fuck. Everybody's shit is some real fucker. You just got to try your best.

You really got to. Yeah. And when they care, it's like such a bummer. Why? It's got to be so fucked up for people to be like, absolutely. Absolutely. Whatever you need. You don't want to tell that fucking story.

And so, you know, it's all good, bro. You're doing good. Stay out of your. Congratulations. Congrats. Shit's going good for you. You've worked on this problem a little bit. Keep working on it.

That's the overall. Yeah. That's the overall. advice. What else we got? Hello, Stavi, all this this Dean's guest. I have a food question and I don't think that there's any better place for me to go in the world to address the food question than here.

I mean, what about a train chef? Two months ago, I moved to Germany, relocated to Germany. Myself and my beautiful German wife didn't want our tax money contributing to the disaster of the United States of America. Hell yeah. And I look, life here is great. I see his fat phobia. It's rooted in this German identity. Since coming to Germany, I have discovered that I am gluten intolerant.

And this isn't like a pussy, like gluten fat. This is like a pretty confident at celiac. Every time I eat any gluten, I have horrific diarrhea, terrible stomach pains. Explosive. The inside of the toilet looks like a water balloon full of shit has just exploded in there. It's a goddamn disaster. By the way, that is barely a metaphor. He's like, I'm not sure if you know what diarrhea is, but basically let me paint a picture for you.

You just added one step to shitting. You put a funnel in your ass and put it into the balloon and then through the bull. The shit goes into toilet, man. I know what the fuck diarrhea is like anyway. That's so cool. That's not. Yeah, keep going, Ben. We're bloating awful.

Right. So I've deduced it at a gluten allergy through completely removing gluten from my wife. Here's the problem. I live in the world headquarters of bread and beer, which are my two favorite fucking things in the world. But sausage as well. And I now suddenly can't have either of them. And I don't know what the fuck to do. Before your wife pick up a different type, maybe an Asian wife where it's more rice-based.

Yeah, good point. That's really smart. Move to fucking Thailand. Eat some rice noodles. Rice noodles. With a different, you know, wife that you're escaping America with. Easy. Easy done.

Next question. Was there more? No, that was it, basically. Oh, there's more. I'm vegan, so I can't eat worse. Oh. All the other amazing German food is off the table for me. Dude, my God.

He's like, I'm fucking starving right now. He's only eating cabbage. And now I suddenly can't have either of those things. Oh, my. Oh my God. This is, my question for you is, do I, you know, say once every two weeks that it's just, it's worth it, fuck it, fuck my stomach, fuck my toilet. I'm going to jump in, you know, head first and knock back 10 or 12 beers with my beautiful German wife and pay for it the next day. Or do I accept this as my new reality and write off in entirety beer and bread?

Did he say knock off 10, 12 years of my life? No, no, 10, 12 years with my wife. Oh, yeah, yeah. Which sounds awesome, by the way. Getting fucked up with your wife. Oh, yeah, totally. I do remember. The dreams are made of.

I mean, I do, it's the way that I've started to believe in, like, like, love and, like, having a family and shit is the dumbest shit of all time. Like, the kid, the way I was like, have, like, I was like, whoa, it would be awesome to have a kid when I, when I was like, well, one day I could show this kid fucking John. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Totally. One day I can watch heat with my child.

Absolutely. And then when Eldis just told a story about spending all day high on the couch with his wife, I was like, you could do that with your wife? Not just your boys? I was like, wait a second. One of my favorite activities. You've like never met a girl before because you're like, they don't want to do shit. They don't want to do cool shit.

Every time I have a girlfriend, I'm always like, I always have the like, I'm like, well, we got to fucking, you know, do. activities. Like there's like a... Oh, you're like thinking of date. I'm thinking of... Yeah, I'm like, whoa, you could get to a point where... And also, by the way, every time I would have girl...

Like, when I was dating people, I would be so busy pathetically with... I wasn't even... I didn't have that career. No, but I would just be doing so much shit that when I had a day off, I would just want to get high and hang out. And my... And the people I were dating at the time would be like, what the fuck? Like, I see you and all you want to do is like stay indoors. And it was literally like this one.

moment where I was like, whoa, you could just do like a fun, easy activity. But it's like, it was literally like replacing my friends who, you know, they're pretty up there in terms of who I love right under family, I would say, above certain family members. And then it's like, wait, you could find a person you actually love more than them like to fuck. And they might want to get high and watch movies all day. Literally, that's how fucking stupid I am. No, but it's true. Like that clicked for me. Anyway. Right. Well, that's how. feel being recently single is I'm like all the things that I feel like I haven't been able to have in my relationships I'm just telling myself I 100% can yeah I literally am going to find the absolute

perfect person for myself and everyone should feel that what's the what are some what are you thinking there in terms of perfect person um do you have a haley beber because I already very bravely said my perfect my ideal woman is a divorced Hillary duff you know I'll take her too no I call dibs no hold on we got a clear dibs here. No, Hillary, come on. You don't get Hillary. You can have Haley Bieber. I have no clue. Anyway, yeah, I see you're somebody who would be fucking perfect. Yeah, you can 100% find the perfect person. Yeah. It sounds like this guy has it. Unfortunately, he's not the perfect person. He's not perfect for her. In fact, his wife should have divorced him. And I think he should be very on edge. And yes, and yep, it's divorced him. His time is running

out. Yep. Go to fucking October Fest. Not back some pretty specials. Here's what I will say. And like, I mean, vegan. That really is the killer Because I was so rooting for him Eat some meat, you're in Germany But he's like I'm vegan But vegan in German I am like what is he able to eat

Like vegetables I guess Yeah I don't fucking know For obviously fruit Schnitz no schnitzels meat Right Like soups Um

Like soups Cabbage you said it yourself Yeah cabbage like sourcrop But like I'm I don't know I'm his question is here's the thing you're he's saying should i every once in a while just go crazy yeah i mean take it from someone who literally did this with gLP ones for about four months oh and where every once

a while i'd be like i'm beating it and i would get so hilarious sick dude i would get highest shit and eat like an animal eat it uncomfortable just psychological damn like my problem here like that guy's money problem i i have it 10 times gross with food but uh and after you fucking you fucking after you get shocked by the electric fence, enough times, you're going to stop. So what you're talking about now, you're in the bargaining phase of fucking grief or whatever the fuck tragedy.

What's that denial, bargaining, whatever the fuck that shit is, the seven stages of some shit. Anyway, fuck, don't look it up, elders. Just fucking keep looking at me dumbfounded. You're at the bargaining phase. Oh, he's buying two coast to the sun. I'm trying to think of another Greek story.

and the rubber of his feathers are melting. It was wax. Wax. They made the wings out of... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Anyway, so, Dezalos and Icaros. Yeah.

Great, by the way, Icaros, that was the restaurant. My mother was a waitress at for years. Oh my God, really? Closed down, unfortunately. Great, great place, but... Shout out. RIP, Icaros. You are just trying to...

You're bargaining. You're like, oh, every couple weeks, I'll just have beer and have diarrhea. Yeah. Eventually, you can try that. Eventually, you will face reality and you will have to craft the life. And, dude, I don't even know what the fuck to do here. I mean, I mean, I guess where they, depending on where they, I could see Berlin, just because people say it's gay. And in my head, gay and vegan go together.

I could see Berlin having vegan options. No, but it's just still tough because I'm just like imagining being in Berlin and having like a fucking amazing philosophy. But it's like the falafel would have wheat. Does it? Filophil. Isn't that chickpea flour? Oh, it's chickpea flour. So falafel.

Well, buddy, go get yourself, falafel. He's like, I hate, I hate Middle Eastern. Yeah, exactly. But you know, here's the thing, like, I'm no stranger to diarrhea. So it's kind of like, if you are, I don't know, ask yourself, if you're okay with that, then, of course, sure do it. But if he's a vegan who married a piece of ass. in Germany, he's probably not fat.

You know what I mean? Like he's probably not fat. He didn't sound fat. In fact, he was so disrespectful in the way he couched this question. Oh, there's no better person to ask a food question. No, of course. That he's definitely not fat.

He looked at it. He winked in the mirror. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's some fucking little pip squeak that I'm glad can't eat fucking. Totally. And vegans, I mean, you know. Of course they can be fat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Often they just, you know. Their skin doesn't glow, but they have a sick. Of course, of course, of course. Yeah, yeah. Gray skin. Yeah, no, absolutely. No light in their eyes.

No light in their eyes, but, you know, can be very vascular at the same time. I mean, look, dude, you're completely fucked and there's no way around this. Yeah, it sucks ass. Like, it is, when you said, like, celiac, like, I really, like, got a shivered on my spine. Like, that is my nightmare. Because vegan, like, I had a friend recently who got bit by with that tick that makes you allergic to meat? Yeah, how's he doing? Bad. I mean, like, health-wise, fine, but, like, she's, like, going to kill herself

because she's tired of eating fish. When did it happen? Maybe, like, six months ago? Oh, my God. But apparently it gets better over time, and it's weirdly only, it's not your whole life. Like, meat tastes like shit or something? I think you get sick. Oh, no. Even worse. Yeah, yeah, you get this type of shit. So, now, you can lose one thing and be fine. Like, we're goofing on V. But you can eat fun as a vegan. Vegans can have some good.

There's some great shit you can eat as vegan. Yep. But when you start putting two together. I know. Then you're honestly handicapped. You're worse. You're worse than I would rather. No joke.

I would rather lose the use of my fucking feet and legs. Yeah. Than have to be vegan and gluten free. Which some might argue I will be losing my foot because of that stands at some point of my life. But, but I would try. truly rather be paralyzed. As long as I can fucking play video games. Totally.

Once I get the shoulder fix and finger again. Yeah, he's a simple guy. I would need my cock still. Let me be very clear. I would still need my cock. Okay, because I was about to take it away. Yeah, yeah. I don't want to be paralyzed right under my nuts.

Right under my nuts, the paralysis kicks in. I would rather do that than be vegan and gluten-free. Yeah, it just sounds fucking... Where's the joie de vivre? Yeah. What could you even eat fruits? Like let's fruits, falafel, rice noodles. I guess so Asian is where you want to go. India, you got to move to India. They got crazy good vegan food actually. All right. Listen, divorce your wife and either get a woman from like Vietnam or, you know, India. I think the answer is just stop fucking eating German food and drinking beer. Like the vegan's almost not the issue I'm realizing. It's like.

Yeah, yeah. He thought he had his perfect life. Right. I'm moving to Germany. My wife is a hot German lady. I'm vegan. But they got so much good bread. Do you think they have gluten-free beer on draft in Germany? If they have N.A. Guinness on draft in Ireland? That's true. It's possible.

I don't know. No one really cares about three people. I think it could be the kind of thing where they're like, what? Care more about alcoholics is like possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Because you can sell, those people have a disease, you can sell them more. Right. So true. They're looking for something else to buy. I have had friends who've drank 12 Heineke in zeros and it's like, oh, I have 100%.

Yeah, it's like, what are we doing here? Not anymore. Now I just will burp too much. Of course. You just drank a shitty, you drank 12 shitty sodas. But when I first quit drinking back in that first time, my first stint at it, I really was like fucking pounded. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah, dude, you're fucked. Just start fucking eating vegan. Like, eat rice, eat fucking. And would I do this? Do it if you want. I mean, look, I've literally lived. I lived my, like you said, no stranger to diarrhea.

I have eaten. I used to get diarrhea like every third day. Totally. So I basically lived like this, but just with regular overeating. Right. But again, I don't think you're built like that. Right. I don't think you're a little too dainty, buddy.

You're too dainty for this lifestyle. So I would say, you know, Indian, it's a lot of ethnic cuisine. Yeah, which is honestly awesome. And he probably is in a good spot for it. Like, like, like. Well, it depends what part of Germany. I will say, I went to, I went to fucking Dusseldorf randomly because I, I, I, That's a real place?

Yes, Dusseldorf, Germany. And it was because weirdly there's my grandmother's island, there's like three places in Europe that have a direct flight. And one of them was Dusseldorf and I was in Amsterdam. So I took a train to Dusseldorf. I have never heard of this place. I mean, it sounds fake, but it's real. But anyway, it had really good Japanese food, actually.

And it had really good like Middle Eastern food too. So that sounds awesome. Germany has now if he's in the sticks, he's probably fuck. You got to move somewhere where you can eat some of the shit. I don't know what the fuck to tell you. Fuck you. Next question. What?

Hi, Stavi and Elvis. I'm just calling about your episode with Chris. What were you scheming on over there? Were you trying to get the last one? Yeah, I didn't know if there's a last one. We'll speed through this one and then get to a last one. Okay, hold on. Then Ben, do another one first.

Fucking idiot. I'll tell you when it's the last one. All you need to do is Google. that's all I'm asking of you. Why are always why? How about you handle summarizing articles fast and let me worry about when the last one comes? I thought it's. All right.

Wait, is this the last one or are we doing two more? I think we're going to do this one and another one quickly. Okay, fabulous. Hey, Stav, Eldis, wonderful guest. Just really not feeling like having sex anymore and I kind of wanted some advice on what to do. Wow. My wife and I had been married for over 10 years. We haven't been having sex too much like the last two years.

We both got kind of fat. So I was thinking maybe it's just because I wasn't really attracted to myself or her. But we got on your dick because you gain 30 pounds. When I jack my shit, I'm not attracted to myself. No. In fact, many ways I hate myself. Anyway. Oh, boy.

Oh, she's like 1.95. I'm 5'10. She's 5.11. So we're both looking pretty good. I started going to the gym again. But now that, like, I'm thinner and she's feeling herself more, she's, like, wants to fuck more. But I just don't want to fuck at all. Oh, you're depressed.

I know. I thought it was because I was fat. And now I'm realizing that, like, I'm just not horny at all. like just even with other women like you know I tried cheating about other attractive women like I just don't want to have sex at all he's like I told her baby it's for us this is totally a new feeling because I think back to when I was in my early 20s and I was just like forcing myself to fuck like

disgusting women that I wasn't attracted to it all my brain was so like what is going on you know and now it's like my dick is fucking bloody dude I just don't want to do anything um I got my testosterone tested and I'm In the range for where I'm supposed to be for some of my age, I'm 36. I try taking boner pills, but then, like, I'm just sitting there annoyed that my talk is hard, you know, because, like, I don't want to do anything. Oh, yeah, he's just sad as fuck. You're so depressed. I kind of miss wanting to have sex.

Yeah, I miss smiling. At the same time, it's not being like, you know, you know, cut by that little demon on your shoulder telling you to fuck everything. but I do miss it and I can tell my wife's getting kind of bummed out that I'm not fucking her anymore. Wow. Have you guys ever had that happen? No. Literally not at all ever for one second.

Have you always just been like, you know, I need to fuck everything. You're talking to a man who, I don't know what to do. Like how do I make myself want to fuck? You're just so clearly depressed. Yeah. Love the show guys. You're amazing. Yeah, I mean, this guy's so depressed

It's so funny that he's academically tried Getting horny for other women And it doesn't work If it's it's not tea You're talking about something Psychological or Biological There's no way that this is like You know

No, this has never happened to me Yeah, it's not like it's like I've been there's a curse on him I've been so fat my cock doesn't work with dick pills And I've still tried to get pussy Totally So it's and I've really had some of the worst sex Of all time

Yeah I mean, I've been depressed and wanted to have sex less, but I just am kind of like the moment someone starts kissing me. I'm like, yeah, I'm fucking gay. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not going to be like, no. Like, I'm like, no, I'm always fucking down to thumb.

Are we kidding? Totally, totally, totally. But it is just depression. This sounds like so clearly depression. He said he's going back to the gym, right? Because I feel like he's just got to find ways that you can. I mean, you hear it in his voice. I know, you really can't.

Both lost a lot of weight. Yeah, but why are you losing? the weight. Like, you know what I mean? Like, if you're just losing the weight to, like, on paper, look better, it's like now just start going to the gym to, like, feel good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, look, I will say that, like, I want to lose weight because I fuck my backup. And it's like, there is definitely, I do think we've gotten a little out of control in terms of fat being totally healthy no matter what. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a little, in the community, there's a little too much of that going on. At this point, people are healthier. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, that's

not true either, right? No, they can go up a set of stairs slower because everything in their body works perfectly. Yeah. So, like, I get if you just want to lose, especially in your mid-30s, like, I get wanting to lose weight for it. But the fact that that hasn't helped is a big problem. Completely. And I think the fact that you even have seen that you've gotten healthier and the fact that your cock is getting hard and you still don't want to fuck, you're looking at a hard cock and you're like, no, that just means it's like fully just your brain. Fully your brain, bro.

Because I'm telling you the desire to fuck can shine through. Yeah. You can be really fucking fat. It's a superpower. It's actually the only biological impulse we have. Totally. So you are broken on a fundamental level. Right.

Like if you can't, if you don't want to fuck, something's off. Yeah. And so, yeah, you got to fucking go to the doctor. Honestly, the thing is, though, like you need to tell your wife. Yeah. Because she's going to like, if she's not already taking it personally. She is for sure taking it. She's going to start resenting you at some point if she doesn't frankly already.

And I would say do your husbandly duties and dick her down with that annoyingly hard. Yeah, I think just also try. You're going to have to fuck her even if you don't want to a couple times. Right. And is that worse than cleaning out the gutters? Like looking at it as a chore. It's one of the best chores. Even if you're not horny fucking your wife.

Yeah. Pretty good chore. Exactly. This is where me and Al Bundy really don't see eye to eye. Uh-huh. Because he had a hot wife that I would have been. And actually, Al-Bundi's a great example. Uh-huh.

He was so depressed and beaten down by what life. He didn't want to fuck his horny wife. Totally. Do you want to be Al Bundy? No. If you don't, go to the doctor and see why the fuck your cock. You don't want to use your cock anymore. Yeah.

Because what you're describing, frankly, sickens me. You fucking make me sick. I wish I never heard your cock. Question. Give us something fun to go out on here, Benjamin. Hi, Stavi and Elvis. I'm just calling about your episode with Chris. You gave a young man advice to take his niece into the men's bathroom.

I did, pause this. I did hear that we gave people the wrong advice. What happened? Sorry. So Chris DeStefano was on and somebody called, he was babysitting his niece. and he was worried about taking her into the like men's bathroom to go to the bathroom. And to me, I was like, well, yeah, who cares?

Just take the kid to the bathroom. Apparently, if you have a little girl, you're supposed, people DMs the fuck out of me with this. Okay. Where you're supposed to take, you're supposed to go into the men or the women's room with a little girl. And just kind of alert the women's room. Because like you just don't want a little kid looking at a bunch of guys hogs. Yeah. Like, you know what I can see why you had that confusion.

To me, I was like, well, I got to go to the bathroom, I'm taking the kid with me. And to me, it feels so much more wrong for me to be in a woman's bathroom. You know what I mean? Like, I'm like, well, they don't want me there. So I would take the kid, but then I'm like, no. So anyway, let's let's let her let's say it. Yeah, okay, okay. And I think I can speak for every woman and mom and tell you that that was 100% the wrong advice.

I get what you're coming from, but. She's laughing. She's laughing. and honestly it is good or something to me. No, totally should not be talking to. A husky voice woman with knowledge. Yeah, she's like doing ASMR. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You fucking idiot. Get over here. You're going to pay. I'm taking you into the girls' room. Yeah, we're going to the girls' room, and you're putting on a dress. Just a woman myself. No little girl needs to go into the men's bathroom.

That's fair. And it's disgusting. And it's disgusting. God knows what kind of fucking perverted men. So. What do you think the men's room's like? We're in there fucking trying to assault each other. It's like a prison.

Anyway. But I get it. Kind of. That kind of is actually. I don't know what I'm talking about. It's disgusting in there. I shouldn't. A little girl shouldn't go there.

But a little boy, he must know what the world is. A little boy, it's just like, well, this is your life. So get used to it. Get the kid. A little girl, it really is like, yeah, she does. She doesn't need to. But also, I do feel like so many places now have a, like, family bathroom or one single stall.

Yeah, I mean, that's the first choice, of course. Yeah, but if you have to. But I guess if, yeah, if you are with some little girl for some reason and she has to go to the bathroom, I guess you just go into the woman's bathroom and just say, hey. Knock knock, coming in for not horny. Is that all right? Fucked up reasons. You have to call no Weinstein and you go into the bathroom.

bathroom. And then you're like, I'm here for to be a good person to this child. Right. Right. And then, and then they're like, wow, he's a good, he's a good provider. No, for sure. You're like, hey, hey, ladies, stop trying to fuck me. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here for fucking. The only reason I'm on this earth is to have this little girl pee. My little, my niece has to take a fat shit. I filled her up with kilbasa all morning and she's about to let it rip, gals. More. That would be so funny if you ever, if you're having like a really wholesome moment. And you take like a little kid, like a six-year-old. And she just fucking lights it up.

We just added a third reason I want a child. No, I mean, a little kid like having kind of a crazy fart or something is so funny. Because they come out at the same kind of volume and velocity as an adult. Absolutely. So epic. Absolutely. It's awesome. So, yeah.

Is she done? Is she done scolding me? No. No. Let's hear more. Ask any woman or female coming in or out of the women's bathroom and say, I have my niece or daughter. Is it okay if I come in and use the restroom? We are all happy to get you the all clear by checking with the women in the bathroom.

Or if there's no one in the bathroom in all the stalls, we can stand outside and let the women know, hey, there's a guy in there using a bathroom really quick with his daughter. He looks fucked up, but he's not. Check out. And whatever. I'm dressing a suit if I'm like a little girl with me. Feedback. We're a toupee. If I go like this, hey, my niece has to fucking shit.

So I'm coming in, Tuts. Just exactly like this. Pussy, hey, put the pussies away. My little angel is coming in. Ew, I don't want to see those pussy. Put them away. Purves. If you have a fucked up clam, put it away.

If it's nice looking, you can leave it out. She's still going on. That's kind of it. That's kind of it. Okay, we get it. I'm a fucking idiot. No, I learned something too. I don't, I would have, it would have taken me a while to, to get to that conclusion.

But it does seem very obvious now. And I guess if we had to do the math here, it's like, little girl always in the women's room. Little boy, I think it's dependent on who you're with. I agreed. And then, yeah, I think that's how it goes. Unfortunately. boys just will have to learn. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's fine. That's the cross we bear as the heads of the household. No, 100%. You know, when there's shit on the... It's been an honor to be in a room

with three guys, by the way. Oh my God. Girls dream of this shit. Wait, did I tell you that the last time I did your podcast, I got the most text from straight guys that I've ever received in my entire life. The way, the way a lot of the time, what happens is when the straight men in gay guys or girls' lives demand it enough, they just text me like, hey, my cousin Brian won't leave me alone. Can I please do the podcast? That's sort of when the straight men in like every queer person or woman's life reaches a critical mass and they just are demanding it, that's when, you know, that's when you come on to Stavvy's world. So it was awesome. I was getting text like, hey, it's Will, parentheses, Eliza's boyfriend.

So fucking cool. You were on Stabby's World. I was like, yeah. This is a great way. If you're a woman who wants to be able to finally label the loose friends of boyfriend's numbers you have on your phone, you will be able to do that if you come on. It was huge for me. It was really awesome.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, hopefully there's another round of that coming up. Please, guys. Yeah, hit up Grace if you're a straight man and enjoyed what she did on this. episode. Thank you to Ben, the Hossman Hosley, coming in, stepping in as Eldis loomed over his shoulder. Yeah, I'm happy to step in as guest producer while Eldis is on paternity leave. That's right. I'll be popping up in some other episodes. Ben will be here. Don't get used to professionalism. He is our step. He is the, yes, you are the father that, the producer that stepped up.

Right. He's not the step producer. He's the producer that stepped up. Ray. Do my best. Thank you. Thank you, Ben. Good job, Ben. I have a bunch of notes. We'll be after the episode.

I need to, actually. All right. But that was decent. That was decent. Yeah. Guys, don't get used to. We definitely can't release the episode. I would like to say everyone, do not get used to the levels being appropriate.

If you're seeing any kind of improvement, this, I, I promise you, elders will not learn from it. I promise you that. But that's going to do it for us. Grace, thank you for being on the show. I literally love being here. I love you.

You got to come back. Thank you so much. We also have tons of, our Patreon series have gotten so insane where we do when we smoke a weed, although you're not a weed guy. Right. We also do one where we have just, we really, we get in the cheek zone and we really get into deep philosophical questions.

And it's all. Would you say the cheek zone? Yeah. Our friend, Mr. Cheeks is our mystical guide through the cheek zone. So, you know, I think you'd be great in the cheek zone. Okay, got you. What does that mean?

Exactly. Okay, great. You have to be thrown in there bewildered. Totally. I'm happy to throw as many zins in my mouth as you want. And we can, I don't know, try and do some cardio. Oh, yeah. Show up with me at the fucking Soul Cycle.

Forget about it. Let's do it. Oh, my God. That would double be a dream. Someday. That's going to do it for us, folks. We will see you next time. from the vault.