Stavvy's World - #24 - Mike Vecchione

Episode Date: May 15, 2023

Mike Vecchione joins the pod to talk about working as a special ed teacher, going to Penn State in the Sandusky era, inventing feudalism, being from Youngstown, his new special 'The Attractives', and much more. Mike and Stav help callers including a guy who doesn't like his girlfriend's hairy ta-ta's and a guy who got brutally trolled by his sociopathic friend. Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld for exclusive, Patreon-only episodes.

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Hooray! Welcome everybody to StarVingsworld 9 or 4,800 stop. and the starvings world, nine or four hundred star. Colin will solve all your problems. I'm thrilled to have a son of Italy, here on the podcast, a former resident of this fine neighborhood. Mike was tearing up, just walking the streets of Astoria. Oh my God. He abandoned dust for Midtown. He thinks he's Mr. Fucking Manhattan now.

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I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm. Yeah, now, I know. It's all fashion. It's all fashion diversity too. It's like, it's like, they are, you see, it's the beauty of this neighborhood is you see how we really are all the same people. Yeah.

Because it's like, whether it is Eastern Europeans, whether it is like Indian people, Southeast Asians, or, you know, Arabs or whatever, it's like, we're all, all of them are loud, all of them are wearing fake jewelry to show off. The body odors out of control. You know what I mean? It's like they're trying to cover it with either Cologne or Axe Body Spray. You know what I mean?

It's like we're all of them are, all of them are chain smoking. Everyone's, the children are chain smoking everyone's share the children are Change everybody's Everyone has a good country work and chain smoke that's the thing that it's beautiful because it's like Yeah, you really see people in this neighborhood you see people that are Like they have adapted to America so beautifully and in their own way that if they were in their home country They would be having like skirmishes like border wars with people that are like one degree darker or like one sect of Christianity different. It's like, like how it's like Yugoslavia was killing each other here.

It's like, you know, those guys are married to like Caribbean women. It's like, it's a beautiful thing, dude. It doesn't make sense. It's on some racism. Yeah, yeah, it's like they are. And the best part is they are still racist, but in the most non-trivial ways, like that's the beauty of this working class.

Like this is the kind of place that, in reality, this is the place that like, educated college, middle of the road liberals are like, we want diversity, it's like meanwhile those people, they've net, all of their friends are white and rich. Right. And they have like one black friend that they make uncomfortable who they like show off basically. But they'll bring like three Chinese people to black, like they have a list of, right? Well, my dinner party has to have a ratio. Or is here,

yeah, they will probably say the N word, you know what I mean? Like for a joke, but they are like, they love people of all different. It's like, I love Queens. I love fucking just, Roses the most diverse area, I think, in the country per capita. That's what I think that's what I've said. I've heard that repeated a lot, and I say it because it makes me sound cool. Because I live here the whole time. Yeah, the banner of diversity. But I gotta say, when me and Dan Soder

live together under a train for 10 years. Yeah. I love that. I love how you can sleep without a train. Like walking you to sleep. When I first moved, and there was no train rocking, because I was like, I can't sleep without the N. Are the kids?

Yeah, I did. I know, that apartment was fucking awesome. That was a great one. And then how about, for the Q. I know that apartment was fucking awesome. That was a great one. And then how about for the fans, I gotta say, like you would come over and then we would go eat, we would go to that restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That Greek restaurant. That greasy grill. And you would talk to them and we would just get treated like kings. Yeah. You said to them in Greek, but they just kept bringing food. It was unbelievable, man. Well, you know it's the best part.

This was an Albanian owned, which eldest is an Albanian. And it's an out, no, stop. I have to get, I have to get control of the style. Stop taking over our social clubs. Yeah, the Albanians are moving into an organized prime. I did. You're not gonna like this, but a lot of the pizza places in the city are Albanian now.

Shut the fuck up. Eldis, silence your own mic. We're putting you are Albanian now shut the fuck out of this silence your own Mike We're putting you in Albanian timeout There's like sank when you wait Asia It's a Croatian man seller You have to sit there with no food or water hope it rains So you can wet your fucking dog tongue a little bit so you can wet your fucking dog tongue a little bit. So that's the, it was a rub,

because it's like, it is an Albanian owned. So when we got the Greek waiter, I realized this after the fact. There was a Greek waiter who when I spoke to him and Greek were treated like kings. And then there was an Albanian waiter who when I spoke to him and Greek, and he didn't know Greek,

he would fuck our orders up, he would forget. And I was like, how is it that we get, and look at all the smiling content to the least fucking piece of shit. But I was like, why is this, why does this go, why does the customer service vary so wildly from time to time? And that was it, did what's it?

Was it ethnicity? It was ethnicity. I think we should, everybody should meet the Albanians and the Greeks at the Neptune diner. Yeah. There's no other place to talk about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the DMZ for Albanian. i think we should everybody should meet the albanians and the greeks at the nettune diner there's no other the mc for albanian you're talking old waiter at the nettune diner i i talked to one day he was

like to we used to have there's a nightclub down the street we used to have fist fights in here and i think that russians would come in we have all these different ethnic vices was like i'd it's a diner but it was a jail. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Basically. No, a story used to be popping, bro. Yeah, like, like, people would come from Bolt. Like, Greek people would come from all over the Eastern seaboard. It was like Mecca. It was like Greek trash Mecca. You would come, because they would have like,

traditional Greek nightclubs, where they're playing like Buzuki, and they're playing like the, like, from Greece music. And they would just like, Greek nightclubs where they're playing like Buzuki and they're playing like the re- like from Greece music. And they would just like, like I've had, I ran into people who I grew up with, right? And it's a little less now than it used to be in like the 90s and the 2000s. But I remember like our Greek school,

we would take field trips to Astoria, not New York City. They we would take a bus, drive through Manhattan and come to Astoria to go to Titana the The Greek supermarket used to live across yeah, we would hit that one There was like a Greek record store where you would buy Greek me. I remember that. Yeah, that was across the street For years. Yeah, and there was like a Greek Chachki shop where it's like, you know Like the worry beats Kumballoy, you know, just like icons like all this shit And like some people would go like, you know just like icons like all the shit and like

some people would go like you know some people go to a broadway show or like they were like we go to music or when we did go to mad at the only sanctioned activity was to look go to the met only in the greek section literally we would be in the met finish looking at the greek statues that'd be like all right let's pack it up like we would even bother looking at the Greek statues and then they'd be like all right, let's pack it up Like we even bother looking at any other it was it's that was like what I knew of as New York was Queens and any Greek statue That was in Manhattan. It was so great. Yeah, and like we would have we had like

when satellite Greek satellite TV came When they got that and like I don't know like the early 2000 TV Yeah, F a TV dude when they had that They would we would the commercials New York would buy a story a restaurant would buy commercials and so every Greek person in America who was watching like Who's watching Fed a TV who's watching like Greek soccer matches and Greek news and like Greek sitcoms, they replaced the local Greek like,

you know, the Greek supermarket commercials. It would be for literally Tavetanaki Gladys, they would be like, come to, you know, come to or the supermarket and it was like, this mystique was built up about like, Astoria as like the metropolis of Greece. It was, and sometimes, and it would be a big thing, like even one time a Baltimore restaurant

bought like one commercial on the channel on the satellite. And it was like a big thing. We were like, oh my God, the restaurant my mom works at has a commercial on dish networks Greek net Greek channel. Wow. Dude, it was literally like that. Like that was famed to us as you know We lived across from that Greek super market, which we never really went to and then there was a Greek music store Yeah across the street for years and years

I remember me and Sotar would leave the apartment sometimes and we go okay I'm going out does anybody need anything from the Greek music store Anybody need anything from the Greek music store? Does anybody need it? Does anybody need an olive tambourine? They were selling shit like that dude. That's exactly like... And there was a funeral home on the corner that is, that turned into a Starbucks. And Soda was like, I'm never going to that Starbucks.

Wow! It was a haunted, It was a haunted Starbucks. But that's my idea for like instead of college, you know, you just assign a young person to a building, whatever that building becomes is what that person does. Okay. Wouldn't that make your life more rich? It's like, I was a funeral director.

Now I'm in charge of a Starbucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It becomes a music store or whatever. It becomes a diner. It's like, you just do all of it. I have to adjust. Yeah. I love that. It's like, if it becomes a music store or whatever, it becomes a diner, it's like you just do all of it. I have to adjust. Yeah, I love that. It's great.

You're just, you literally just invented feudalism. You take a poor person and you get a building that a rich person owns and the rich person decides it's no more a funeral home. Learn how to make coffee. You're like, yes sir, I will do it for my rations. He just, he had a feudalism. You're like, yes sir, I will do it for my rations Whatever plot of land you're born on you have to do whatever I say on that plot of land until you die But if they sell it to somebody else and that person decides decides, you know, right? This is true, you're governed by the rich client. Yeah, you're governed by the landowner.

I never thought about it. You're truly invented feudalism. It's like exactly how medieval peasants live. That's the other thing I was walking, I was in LA. I did, I went to go, somebody was doing cone. Their mark or jolless was doing cone. I just happened to be there, so I went to the taping, hung out with them.

And the Uber was like, when we got done, it was like six or seven o'clock. Uber was like 70 bucks to go like 1.5 miles. So I was like, I'm just not paying that on principle, so I decided to walk back. And I'm walking back. Well, it wasn't Mark, because he, it definitely was, you know, we can say,

well, it might have been Mark, because he definitely wouldn't pay for your Uber. So we know that much. So we can eliminate Mark, right? Like it was, it might, or no, that might have been Mark because he definitely wouldn't pay for your Uber. So we know that much. So we can eliminate Mark, right? Or no, that might have been Mark. If it was like Sam or Joe, they might have been caught up in the moment. But let me get you a car, buddy. But Mark was like, can I borrow for $20?

You know, as he's making $40,000 to do one night in LA right before Coney. He books a gig the same day as Coney. So he doesn't lose money doing TV Mark has Conan and then has three spots How long is it gonna run? Can I go before Kelly Cuoco? Hey, Kelly, you want to switch with me? I gotta hit the store.

I got to follow Bobby Lee in a half hour. So I'm just walking back and it's a nice day and I'm looking at the houses and JP who booked it, he was happy to be driving. I know he picks me up, he goes, I don't give you a ride back, he gives me a ride back and I was saying to him, I'm like, I think the way to go about, I know he picks me up, he goes, I don't give you a ride back, gives me a ride back, and I was saying to him, I'm like, I think the way to go about,

instead of college and deciding what you're gonna do, which is like, you see a house you like, you walk up, you knock on the door, and the person opposite you go, what do you do for a living? Yeah. And then whatever they say, you just do that,

because that's the kind of house you wanna live in. Absolutely. No, I just every job, just because of job after a while. Absolutely. You know what I mean? It's like you started like teaching or whatever with like a passion for it. And then after the years and years go by, you go, first of all, this wasn't what it was when I started it.

And then we're just talking about that about comedy. You know, so it's gone. Whatever industry you're in, we're shift under your feet. Right. So it's like that. And it's like, but at least I have a nice, I love my house.

I love my house. I can't do it. Absolutely. Maybe that's the way to go. They say don't do it's like, but at least I have a nice, I love my house. I love my house. Absolutely. Maybe that's the way to go. Let's say you don't do it for money, all this stuff and do it for what you love, but what you love, it changes from what you love to something completely different. Of course. So at the end of the day, it kind of is about money. It is for money, it's fully for money.

Like do something that you won't make, you want to kill yourself actively, but that's just, very few people are lucky enough to just do something that they find that fulfilling. Well, I think because they start doing it and then they get a family. Right. And then it's like the thing changes that they're doing. And they're like, well, I hate this now, but it's like, now I have to feed, it's not about me anymore.

It's about my wife and kids and survival and stuff. So now they're like, well, I guess I'll just grip my teeth and do it. And you know what else is like, the reality probably is that some of the jobs that I think people would find fulfilling in America we've made it so that like, oh, actually you can't survive on that. Like teaching kids probably is incredibly fulfilling. But people don't wanna be making fucking $38,000 a year.

You know what I mean? Like being a nurse, a doctor, all this stuff, but it's like, even a doctor, it's like we think it's such a good job, but it's like a lot of debt, a lot of school, and then when you're in it, you have to hustle your ass off. In order to make any kind of money. I know it's great, it's just like a doctor.

Anytime, this is my theory for Greek restaurants and doctors. It's like, if you're good at branding and marketing, I don't want to go to your restaurant and I don't want you to be my doctor. Because if you know Photoshop, if you know TikTok, if you know Reels, are you fucking, are you studying up on the latest medical techniques? Like I had a doctor who was like upselling me,

like he was like, hey, your foot's healed, but you know, we're doing like cutting edge sports medicine at this clinic right now. And I'm like, you want me to just do the same thing that like an NFL But I don't need what say quan barkley gets man Just let me bug it. Let me be able to walk I'm fat as shit. They're yeah, they're doing this selling a body contour We could put it next to your hand

But those guys who get their ears that lizard guy gets his ears We get to we get to start crafting that would be actually you know that would be kind of cool to have different like cool feet Give you hooves like a like a horse They're more heavy duty you won't then you'd have to put them on only fans. I would be cool Yeah, some guy getting jacked off by two hooves. You know someone's into that You know that's a hundred percent in there. I didn't know the foot market was so flooded. Foot markets out there, dude. Wow.

You're not, you don't strike me as a foot guy. You strike me as a meat and potatoes, ditched and pussy kind of guy. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, right down the middle. Right down the middle. Oh, school. Not the weird, little flirty.

Yeah, that's me. Yeah. What gave it away to Haircut? Yeah, the Haircut. haircut the hair cut your entire vibe The tucked into your jeans black t-shirt that you're wearing right now That the folks can't see but believe me it's there It's working underneath well you cuz I mean we everyone likes to you know obviously and by the way We should say Mike's out in your special. I go go watch it the attractive on YouTube right now.

Very funny. Please. Yeah, I can't share it. Like it. Yeah. One of the best comics. So funny. Great jokes.

You're going to love it guys. But you know, you talk and everyone, people who are like fans of New York comedy specifically, like do know you and you know, for sure, you know, roommates of soda. Like we've, you're all over pods. Everyone kind of knows you, but it's like, and everyone I think has this idea of a 100% Italian guy, but you also, you didn't grow up in a super Italian. You weren't in New York or Jersey or like.

My family is very Italian, it's just like, I'm not a typical, and I played sports in all that, but I'm not a meat-heavy guy. Yeah, I like to sports and all that but I'm not like a meat-heavy guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like, uh, read and all. Yeah. Because you tell by my act, like, when I, I go up and I'll do my act and then come off stage people go, I didn't, wasn't expecting that.

Yeah. Because I look like I'm gonna get up there and go, but what about the meatball? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't talk like that. I was like, my, my, my grandfather, he'd be so mad at me, see how many trans people that are today Where's you so wait where it's like somewhere fucking weird, right? It's like it's too

But it's like youngstown Ohio Youngstown Ohio and then I went to high school in Boko Ratton floor right right Boko Ratton a little more like Italian like that's whereoko Ratton, a little more like Italian, like that's where they retire. Yes. But Youngstown was the one that I keep. For some reason I was like, it's Youngstown or it's some weird part of Pennsylvania. It's Baltimore of Ohio.

Yeah, yeah, it was. And it wasn't your term. What do you talk about, sir? It's a shining city on a hill. It's a gleaming cultural hub. Is that what you mean? I didn't realize that about Youngstown. I'm with No Show.

Why are Youngstown? It's like it kind of in that weird Midwest, like No Man's Land of Weird Ohio. What is it? Eastern Ohio, Western, Pennsylvania, kind of. It's right on the border. I know Pennsylvania more than Ohio. It's right on the border. But it's a steel place. It's right on the board. It's a steel town.

It's a rust belt town. Yeah, so I see. I see where you're saying. And that's funny because, you know, Baltimore obviously, there are these cities that are rust belt, you know, leftovers, Baltimore, Cleveland, you know, a lot of parts of Pittsburgh, obviously, seamlessly.

But at least the big cities did get to retain some culture. We have sports teams, you know what I mean? Because I think it's like finance, other industries rolled in there. Finance or like some kind of something software, whatever. But those hard luck Midwest cities, like they kept saying it's like we're rejuvenating, we're building it back, but it's just, it's going. Now I think it's like to the point where it's like We're just knocking buildings down Any kind of wealth moved out to the suburbs

or just like you know You know things are bad when they're shutting Catholic schools But then when they start shutting down public schools and stuff It's like there's no residents in the city anymore. Yeah, well when they shut everybody moved out Exactly because Catholic schools famously are where people who don't want to admit their racists and their kids, because they're like, no, no, it's not about that. We don't care.

It's about religious education. Our children are gonna learn that the earth is 6,000 years old. That's what's important to us, not that they don't, they're not around black people. That's how Baltimore was, that it's like, everybody I knew in the Catholic school was so fucking stupid,

because it's like you really wanna learn from nuns. You think they know what the fuck's good. There's a couple, look at me wrong. There's a couple smart nuns, but we're a long way away from like when like monks and nuns were like the intelligentsia like the Middle Ages. Now they're like people who,

I mean, I don't even fucking know what a Baltimore suburban, or what a youngstown nun is like. It's like, she's probably fucking stupid. A crescent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You better know what's going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I know that's what I say about Catholic schools

in like a city like Youngstown. It's like when they leave, it's like, Jesus doesn't even want to stay here. It's not the kindness. And then he's like, it's like, Jesus doesn't even want to stay here. It's not that it's harmless. It's getting bad. So you guys, so your third generation tie-in, third generation. So you're on both sides, mother and father. Right.

You could still be in the mafia. You can trace your back all the way. I think so. I just couldn't do any of the violence. But just for genealogically, right? Do you have a logical explanation back on your mother's side? Yes. We trace back on on both sides. Both sides. Beautiful. So, uh, it could be a made member.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's comforting. Yeah. But I would be a bad mafia guy. 100%. I would just, uh, my main reason for being in the mafia would be to tell people. I'm in the mafia. Right. That's one of the main rules. Things you can't do.

Yeah. You can't do it. You can't talk about this thing of ours. No. But I'm in a story. Yeah, that's weird. It. You can't talk about this thing of ours. But in a story, that's weird. It's like the Greeks and the Italians kind of work to get Greek. Because I don't think the Greeks do have an organized crime. No, not organized enough. But what you guys have here, soccer clubs.

Yeah, yeah. You guys have here. Yeah, it's a soccer club. Social club, yeah. There's probably little scams. But yeah, Greeks never, there was never Greek mafia yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah That's the thing. No Greeks could ever have a mob because it's like, fuck you, I'm the fucking boss. They would kill each other immediately. It's like, most Greek people in organized crime were like, just kind of like free agents.

Yeah, yeah. That would get picked up, do little jobs and shit like that. But I love the, I love living in a story of the surprise Greek Easter. It's like, you just wake up on Sunday, go to get something eaten. It's like, everything's closed. Yeah, yeah. You have to slowly, like, unravel what happened. And it's like, oh, they don't celebrate Easter

with the rest of the Christian count. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're coming up, baby. Next week, yeah, what I mean, who knows when the fuck this comes out? We've pre-recorded so many. We're up against a couple things, but, because you know,

with the specials coming up, folks, we're about to go on a West Coast swing. But yes, we were just in Atlanta for a regular fake ass Easter. And this week coming up is Greek Easter, baby. Greek people love Easter, dude. That's our life Thanksgiving. Because it's like,

because everyone's still fast in Greece. Like here, not, I mean, when I was younger, I did grow up Greek Orthodox, and we weren't super religious, but I had a couple of dalliances where I was like, maybe God's real. And I was like, maybe I should do it, what he says. And so there was times in my life where I didn't have meat

for like, now I'm not gonna tell you, I made it the whole 40 days, but I think one year, I did all 40 days, no meat. And that's when I'm like fat, you know, just like a fat teenager, which is a real, I mean a lot of fish, don't get me, a lot of fish sticks, a lot of frozen flounder, a lot of take out calamari, it was, you know, whatever, I was still in thought. Somehow I feel like Jesus didn't have, when he said fast, he didn't have fish fillets

and like salmon and calamari in his mind. I think he thought, I think he thought it was gonna be a little more, you know, austere than that. But still, technically I made it. All those religions have some sort of fasting and it turns out like medically it's great for you. Yeah, yeah. It's really something and it gets shut down by the media

because the pharmaceuticals can't sell, it's off the rails. And if you're healthier, they can't sell you pills. So that's why the knowledge on fasting gets shut down. But it's great for you. And there's a reason all these religions act. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really?

And the old one, it's a turn, all sacrifice also. Sure. It's supposed to be sacrificing to God that not eating it and makes you appreciate more. Yeah. But it medically, it's like really good for you. And that's interesting because Christians kind of lost that don't eat at all thing.

Yeah. And the only ones who kept it were Muslims really. Ramadan is the only, they were doing fucking intermittent fasting. May it take you on pro Ramadan folks. It's Ramadan, you heard it. I would walk to yoga, I went to yoga in a story and I would walk it on Fridays and all the Muslims would be going, it's their day.

And then I come out and they would all be coming out. I love that. I love that I love that like for other hoods. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I take my mother to church on Christmas Eve nice and on Easter when I'm whenever I'm there I'll take her to church and it's just like you look over the people. It's like everybody's really old. Yeah, like we're aging out Oh for sure. And he is aging out and Catholicism at least in this country. Yeah, so big in South America No, Mexico, but it's like in this country. I think we're aging out whereas Catholicism, at least in this country. Yeah. So big in South America, or Mexico. But it's like in this country, I think we're aging out.

Whereas Muslims, like everybody's young. Yeah, they're bringing their kids. It's a community, it's a community. It's a very beautiful. Well, that's it. And also when I'm sure you've seen it, when you go to LaGuardia and you're in the cab and you see all the cab drivers, they go to the bathroom, like the outhouse where they go to the, they're all praying behind there.

You know what I mean? I really like that. Well, I think what's going on is one of their friends have been constipated for a while and they're asking God, they're asking God to open up his asshole. I think I'm not sure, but I think I heard something like that.

My joke on it is, it looks beautiful that they're praying. It's like, what are they praying for? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mother 911, maybe? My wife's the marriage is finished. She's not there praying. It's like, what are they praying for? Yeah. Mother 911, maybe? It's Mary's first time. That's not their prayer. Can we get it out?

Listen, I'm all for it. A little further from the airport, please. Can we just get a mile away from the airport? Based on our history. We'll build you a nice little mosque. Just a mosque somewhere else. Yeah, can we look, build it there, maybe we get those like dividers

when an accident happens in the highway. People just get a little nervous. They see all those carpets real close, real close to LaGuardia. Yeah. Yeah. But no, it is, I think about that sometimes too, because the, one of the key parts to growing

up Greek Orthodox in hindsight, right? I'm not very religious, I've taught, I don't really think Christian God exists the way they tell you. I haven't gone full, there's nothing out there, but I find it hard to believe that just a book written by Jews 4,000 years ago nailed it. You know what I mean? There's no way you said Jews.

Huh? I don't love the way you said Jews. I'm technically in. You got to sneak it in where you can, Mike. I technically, I'm right. It was basically prehistoric Jews that wrote that book. You guys really think of Motherfuckers, some guy 4,000 years ago doing this on some fucking tablets. You think he's got the key to every all knowledge?

I'm a little skeptical personally. I'm shocked that you don't believe in blonde hair blue IG. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I think what was so important to me growing up was this, the feeling of community. Like yeah, like I went to Greek school at the church. I learned Greek at the church. I learned Greek history in the church.

We had like mythology class. We had all this shit that was like, and then you know, the first time I get drunk is literally in my church. Like we would have a party, the Greek festival every year. New years every year. I mean, can I stop you took a mythology class? I did.

We would do mythology on Fridays every other Friday. That's pretty great. And I would go to Greek school Monday, Wednesday, Monday's and Wednesday's every week. And then every other week we had Friday. And Friday was mythology and Greek dance. So we would learn about Zeus. And then people would be like, Dundundundundundundund Like all these little kids learning steps to like a fucking dance.

It was pretty awesome. Yeah. Cause we learned Greek mythology, but that's part of English. Oh, in our English class. Yeah, cause it's a truck, cause it's so, there's so many like archetypes

are based off of Greek mythology. So that makes sense. But no, we learned it as almost like, and dude, I was such an annoying little, I love mythology. It's like when I was like, like those were my superheroes when I was like eight,

and I would have like, but and that's how my parents taught me, like I read Greek as a like a eight year old, nine year old, because I was reading like Greek mythology in Greek, and there was like simple story, you know, children's books, but it was like a way for me to connect to my culture. But then once I was like, hey, wait a second, maybe this God shit is bullshit. And also I will say this, this is how dumb my brain is also.

We got a new priest who was a Steelers fan. Yeah. And the part was that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was like, I'm a little skeptical on organized religion. And if God exists, they transfer to Pittsburgh priest to fucking Baltimore, fuck that cock sucker. Literally, and he was a piece of shit. Like his son was an asshole.

Cause our priest get the fuck, that's why we kind of do a thing where we're like, hey, what if we figured out a way to have them not be child molesters? That was kind of a big thing. The Greek Orthodox Church came up with. And it's like letting them get pussy, it turns out. But they have to be married. You can have so, so to be married,

you can be like a parish priest because they, because you know, it's natural and not, and I'm not sure about this. Again, I didn't do research, but I, somewhere I heard that essentially the reason Catholic priests can't have kids is it was like a fucking cost-cutting measure where they were like, if we,

if they don't have kids, we don't have to feed families. Whereas like, in Greek, in like, orthodox religions, it was like, it makes a lot of sense. Cause historically, you settle in a community, you have a family like everyone else, you have a wife, you have kids, you can teach these lessons. And, you know, again, you don't fuck the children

because you're not a child molester, you're a straight man who happens to be a priest. But his son was a fucking piece of shit too. He was just an annoying, like, I don't know, maybe I shouldn't say this about it. There were just some rumors about it. Where you're like, this priest can't even raise his kid. And he's more importantly, he's a Ben Rothel's

burger fan, and I'm gonna have to fucking listen to this guy. So there was, it shows you the mind of a, that's like, the Ravens mean more to me than God. Basically, where I was like, I put, I put Ed Reed ahead of John the Baptist. And no question, not even close. Lamar Jackson means way more to me. That MVP season, Lamar stay, please.

He's under the love of God's state. He's unreal. He's actually from Boynton Beach, Florida. Oh, yeah, yeah. My mother lives right now. Hell yeah. That's, you love of God's day. He's unreal. He's actually from Boynton Beach, Florida. Oh yeah. My mother lives right. Hell yeah. Well beach. I'll just you know I was thinking the other day. I love you know what I love mango the fruit. I love it sweet. It's delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango pre cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad.

You know, many times I've gotten sucked off, being like, this actually, one time after a day, I was like, wanna come back with some fruit salad? And I thought it was smooth. And then some girl, after she fucking was like, that was so weird, you asked me to come over for a fruit salad.

I was like, I don't know. I wasn't drunk. I wasn't drinking at the time Well, they say mangoes are an effort easy. Yeah. Well, here's the thing I'll thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango and I've oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right Afterwards, yeah, and I was thinking to myself What if this mango made my dick hard? What if this mango made my dick hard? You know?

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double for you, LD. I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb.

My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location,

it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. So awesome. But in Catholic faith, it's like the whole premise

is that they can't have wives because number one, they're married to God. Which is something that I think regular men would love to say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to get married. It's like, sorry, babe, I'm married to God. Sure. Yeah, and I can do it. And I can do it without poverty.

Without poverty. And, you could definitely see that with the Pope, a cock suckers got gold from fucking like every nation that the Catholic church took over in the 1300s. He's got gold from Africa and like fucking Germany and just Vikings horn somewhere. Fuck that one long, Stavvy. Does he this one? This particular one?

One long, whatever. Fuck that. I remember he was getting like really good press because he was like, hey, maybe Gays won't go to hell. But he didn't say they're not and he was like, he was like, it was basically like, he's like, look, if it was up to me, they're in, but you know, we got, we got, God, the boss.

Look, my boss says it's okay. I'm putting you in with a smile on my face. I'm not kicking you out. I'm not kicking you guys out. But the Catholic Church has that thing where they just stay steeped and they're not, there's no elasticity, there's no flexibility on stuff.

And I think as a result, they lose, you know, that's why everybody's aging out because it's like people are showing up to mass and it's like if you have real, you could be speaking to these real issues that people are having. People are suffering and they're like, you know, people through divorce, bankruptcy. They're having. People are suffering and they're like,

you know, people through divorce, bankruptcy. They're going through all this stuff and they're showing up. It doesn't look like it on their face, but people have had, you know, life is just a tragedy of life is dramatic and you could be speaking directly to that. But instead they take this biblical text route,

which they need to talk about stuff that, and they're not making it applicable to the parishioners. Right, and so they're- Fucking doing Latin. Yeah, because it was the one there as a sense of duty now, and you could be really getting something out of, instead of getting the real story of Christianity,

you have to almost go outside of the faith. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, for sure. No, I mean, I know. And that's going back to the earlier point of like, you're jealous of like the, and that's why I'm saying like,

when you see it in mosques and you see it with other religions where it's like, yeah, it's about the community as much as it is like the teachings. And I think that's fucking, that's, that key, like the thing that would get me back in a church would be if like, you know, I want like, like if my, if I have kids or my brother, or like, you know, I have nephews or like close family

friends have children where it's like, I want them connected to Greek culture, I want them connected to what is, and the church is just such a hub for that. And there is statistically something where it's like, you see it where it's like, the first generation traditionally is very, very religious, right, the first generation of immigrants.

Then the second generation is the one that kind of goes off. And then the third generation, when they're seeking to reconnect, you do see a lot of like moving back to, you know, second generation is a suburbs, kind of American, consumerism, not religious. And then the third generation, about a nice percentage of them want to reconnect to their roots. And they move back into the cities,

they move back into, you they move back in you know they become like religious not for the religion aspect before the community and I can I can totally see that yeah happening but again I don't know Greek that's it that's a nice thing Greek people don't really give a fuck about the actual church part they yeah they just like the community is good party the party and the having a good time you know like Greek Greek baptisms, Greek weddings, all that kind of stuff, super flies. That stuff gets kind of bashed now and Ores is given like not no value.

It's like it does have a lot of value. For sure. It's more important than the teachings in my opinion. It's like the feeling of togetherness and just fucking hanging out. And actually being a good person when, you know, not for show in the social world. Right, right, right, right, for show in the social media world.

Right, right, right, right. You're not getting credit. You're just helping your fellow man. Just when nobody sees it. Of course, of course. That's not really, I mean, it's happening. I'm sure it's happening, but it's like, that's not, it seems like everybody's like doing it

to post. Of course, of course. No, no, it fucking sucks, Dick, I'm with you. But was there like a big bunch of Italians in Youngstown? It was just your family. Yeah, no family, Italians, it fucking sucks dick. I'm with you. But was there like a big a bunch of Italians and youngstown It was just your family family Italians and and yeah, and you're your family. It's shocked They go there's Italians in Ohio. I'm like is a steel town so there's a lot of Italian right right left over Yeah, after the fucking after the industry left. Yeah, after the industry left the workers a lot of the workers were Italian So interesting so like your great grandparents, I guess,

came from Italy to Ohio. Yeah, well, we had, it's just where, you know, how they come over, it's like wherever there's relatives in the US, that's what the other people said. Right, right, right. So we had relatives in Cleveland. So one guy with my great grandfather was a musician over in Italy and came over and in Youngstown,

like my father's piece. To play the mandolin. Play the trumpet. Oh, we need, yeah, we need someone to fucking entertain these steel boys. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop,

bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, b's awesome. No, but he, and then he passed away, then my grandfather, you know, it's a traditional story. But young sound, but I went to high school and Boca Boca was great.

A great group of people. Like I think IBM was there at the time. It's like middle class. Yeah. I mean, Boca's a rich place. Boca, yeah. But we had a great like high school group of people. So you went from just being a Midwest guy where you were beach-

you were beach- We'd go to the beach and my hair was like, because my hair would grow out. Nice. You know what I mean? Get the Italian Pro. And it's like my mother would never cut my hair back in, you know, you don't have any money so you don't hide on your parents' hair cut. I think we just let it grow out and you like, can I please have a hair?

That's awesome dude. You look so cute. Yeah. So cool. Look at dog. I bet you were pulling ass back then. You're wrestling right? I was wrestling but I was an athlete.

I was an athlete but I had to, I wasn't like a natural athlete. I didn't work. Okay. You know what I mean? How old do you know? 50. But you look great.

Yeah, I look great. It's exciting because I now? 50. 50, but you look great. You look so great, is it? Because I just work out. Thank you. But it's like, make sure I work out, make sure I eat, right? I don't drink anymore. You know what I mean? You have a smoothie every day, right?

Smoothie every day, don't you remember? I remember. When I was getting into my smoothie, when I was getting my smoothies, and I have a smoothie now because I eat such dog shit that I need, like, the smoothie is like comes in and just like, pop, clears out my ass hole.

It's like, this is the kebabs will stick around. But you need like a fucking green, I put an entire bag of spinach in a blender with like, you know, some berries, some high fibrous shit. I love that. And it's just like rocked through my ass. Yeah, like it cleans your whole system. Yeah, yeah. And it's a good, I did it before I came here.

It's a good thing to do, thank you for having a clean ass when you came into the pod. A full lemon. And they're like a lemon rehydrate you. I love the lemon, that's celery. I have to get you in the chamber. You go great here. You go all green.

All green. And then I chug it down and it's like, it sets the tone for, you don't really have the desire to eat unhealthy for the rest of the day. It's weird how you, give us that thing where it's like, it sets the tone for, you don't really have the desire to eat unhealthy for the rest of the day. It's weird how they, give us that thing where it's like. So for sure, when I have a smoothie, the whole rest of my day is so much better,

but sometimes I'm like, oh, maybe I'll start with a bacon egg and cheese. And I know my entire, the tone is set there. And it's chemical, it's not just, it's definitely partially psychological, but it's chemical where I, if I have that smoothie, I feel awesome about to have one after this pod partially psychological, but it's chemical, right? If I have that smoothie, I feel awesome. I'm about to have one after this pod.

Well, when they have a, do you ever see that thing where they needed a bear on set for some kind of a shoot? And in order to assure that the bear wouldn't attack a person, they just raised the bear on vegetables. Wow. They didn't eat, give the bear any meat, so that it was interacting with a person. It didn't have that, it didn't, you know, have that.

Interesting. I think to attack. They you know, have that. Interesting. Think to attack. They just do that. They never got a taste for meat. Even salmon wouldn't do that. I don't know if they gave it, I think it was a vegetarian bear. Wow, what if we got one person like kind of has a paper cut

and the bear gets a little blood on his lips? It's like, oh my God. That's called a cheat day. This is so much beer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We toss him a pee every two months. You know what? A cheat day for the bear.

A cheat day for the bear, yeah. But that's awesome, dude, because also being fit, because again, I just think of you, like, that's a fun thing about it. It's like not even like, I, you know, I want to be strong and all this stuff, but it's like, I just want to feel good every day. That's all the drink and sugar. It's like, people who drink, I'm all, I wanna be strong and all this stuff, but it's like, I just wanna feel good every day. That's all the drinks.

It's like, people who drink, I'm all good with it. Like, I get it, I get it for years, I love drinking. But it's like, cause you remember, like, whatever, we would drink. Well, when you start doing comedy, it's to get drinks. That's the only way you're paid. Your whole life is doing comedy for free booze,

and hopefully a lady will suck your dick that was at the show. And these hootrocious shows. And it's all, but it's all hanging out. All they're hanging out for hours. I don't know how it is now, like guys starting now, like a TikTok their way into people's lives. But like back then, when there was none of this,

it was like, you had to be there for a while. Oh, you comics are missing being at one of the worst seafood restaurants in the world for four hours after you and your friends all just did C minus on stage, but you're convinced you're going to be on SNL next week. That was the best time, those are the best times of my life where you're delusional. You think like that was pretty good. You ate it. If you were to see the tape of you from then, you'd be mortified, right? But like, yeah, new comics will never get that. And then hopefully a single mother whose own mother is watching her son that night decides

she wants to suck you off in her Corolla. That's the, those were the best nights of my life, dude. Like, even now so much cooler shit is, you know, I'll do a theater show, I'll fuck it, I'll get, I'm staying in awesome hotels, my best friends on the road with me, I might get a little nice top shelf pussy pie from here and there, but it doesn't mean as much.

You didn't earn it, you know what I mean? Like now it's like, once you get even a little famous, it's pretty easy to fuck, but back then, I'm in my mother's home. I'm sharing a wall with my grandmother, you know what I mean? I'm fuck, I am only earning based off of being entertaining. I had so great.

In a vacuum, no one knows who the fuck I am. This lady didn't know who I am. You had to eat what you killed. Eat what you killed, dude. And you know what, that fucking rancid squirrel meat that I was eating in Baltimore tastes a lot better than the fucking rib eyes that I'm getting, I'm in my lion enclosure now.

And I'm getting Kobe beef given to me. And I'm like, this is pretty, I was good as last week's Kobe beef, but when I was in fucking rats, that my own fucking fangs kill you crush the life out of, that was the best time of my life, dude. That was great. That was great.

But that must have been awesome, because I think of you as, that's the fun thing about comedy. It's like you can have friends where you have generational differences, but it doesn't come up because so much of our lives are the same things we care about. But it's interesting to think about like, you're 50.

That's like a completely different, when you're starting to, when you're starting comedy and also more importantly, just as a human being starting to try and like, get girls attention, you're trying. You must have had to use old school methods to get, there was no apps, there was no way to get pussy off the internet. I thought that was better actually.

It is better than the apps now. But when I, you're in Youngstown or in Boka, where's your pussy getting career started? No, no, I was in a relationship with a girl in college. I moved to Philadelphia with her. Wow, what's their college? My immediate family was in Boca. So you only spent high school in Boca? I was in Youngstown first, then Boca, then I moved back to Youngstown, then back to Boca. Oh wow. I finished high school and just couldn't quit Youngstown.

I couldn't quit. Some about that. Some about that. But it was a blessing. Because I, you know, Hi, I learned her wrestle in like eighth and ninth grade grade and then I took it down to Florida and wrestled there now it's moving around you guys get divorced or no now was because of my father had a family business in Ohio and would have falling out with his father so we're moving like we're moving and then we moved to Bokai man you what? We're gonna give it another try. We're moving back. We're moving again. We're moving back. Vincent, so you snake. Classic.

Not being able to get along with each other. Yeah, yeah. So I went to Penn State University and moved to Philly for a girl. And then we broke up and I was just by myself. Infilly and Philly. And then I started, I was getting a Master's in special education. Oh, it's a teach. And at night, and I already had a bachelor's degree. And then, yeah, I was getting a master's in special education. Oh, it's huge. And at night, and I had a bachelor's degree, and then, yeah, I started dating, and then I started doing stand-up.

And then I was like, oh, this might be something. I wasn't funny right away, so I was like, if this is gonna help me with public speaking, maybe I'll be a principal or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, super. This will help me for my job. Tell me for my job. Just talking to a room full of retards every night. Getting a bunch of drunk, Philly morons to listen to my job. Tell me for my job. Just talking to a room full of retards every night, getting a bunch of drunk Philly morons

to listen to my jokes. Yeah, dude, doing stand-up, doing open mic comedy and Philly, I would rather teach a special ed class. Then be an open-micro and Philly, doing like a midnight show. Yeah. This DJ is shocked.

He is. I have to do a lot of work. Talk about hitting your wife. That's awesome. So you were... So then I moved after about three, three and a half years, I moved to New York. I'm like, let me give this an honest try. I'll either succeed and be a big star like I'm yours, and...

Of course. Or it's like, I'll fail, bottom out, and then I'll just be in New York. I'll figure out a job in New York. It looks like I'll be in out and I'll just be in New York. I'll figure out a job in New York You know it's nobody I'll be in a good place, you know join the union I didn't realize that it would be this in-between thing where it's like oh there'll be some wins along the way And then you'll just keep you know losses and wins and you get this tonight show here Conan here last You know, you know, and then it's like you'll have enough stuff to keep you in it. Yeah, just enough to tantalize you It's really an abusive relationship.

That's what it is. It's like, you're broke for six months. You're a grown man with a roommate, unliving under a train, but hey, Jimmy found said you're funny. You know what I mean? And that's like, I love you, baby. That was a mistake. I'm sorry.

I'm gonna take you dance. Yeah. It's always flowery. Come on, we're moving back to Boka. I'm done with my uncle. I'm taking it to the beach. Mikey can grow his throwout. I love the idea of you though,

because there's so many different interesting parts of your life where it's like, so you said you wrestled at Penn State. A wrestler at Penn State for one year, after that one year. I mean, it was so much worse. So it's saying, it was insanely different. That's one of the top wrestling programming. I mean now it's like they're winning at a,

they're like winning at a, they've won 10 out of 12 national. Insane. But when I was there, it was like we're third in the country. Wow. Yeah, it was like very intense. It's like sometimes three practices a day. And it's after that first year, I was like,

I don't, I can't do this again. I was, I can't do this again. Damn, I can't do it. Did it feel good to quit? I never quit anything in my life for that. And when I did it, I was like, I really did feel, it's because I worked very hard, and the coaches could see that.

Of course. But it's like I was never gonna really start. You're bumping up against your like, I mean, you're not sure you're gonna feel it. You're not sure you're gonna feel it. You're all up and down the line up. And I could have just stayed on the team and been like a workout guy. But it's like all that energy into into that like you couldn't even I couldn't even really enjoy my college experience

Yeah, but it was a really good experience. I realized a people you know You think you're working hard and it's like oh, no, this is another level of working hard that people just do and That must have been kind of cool to be at the highest level. It was unreal. Some of the guys, I mean, I was just, I placed second in the state in Florida. So I was good for my area. But up there it was like, you were a three and a half time state champ. Yeah. Oh, Florida boy, bam. Bam.

They're doing real, they're doing fake wrestling. You're so bad. They're stone cold stunning you. Like in a real match. You're getting rock bottoms. Some guys making you tap with a figure four A regular a regular person in Pennsylvania could beat me Being in Pennsylvania could be the guy who placed in Florida now were you around when they were when Sandusky was fucking kids. I was there when it was being kept a secret.

And then when I quit, when I quit. So you're in the same athletic facilities and kids' children are getting molested in. No. Now, in my defense. I'm not saying anything. We, after I quit wrestling, I was working as a waiter and we do banquet sometimes and we did a wedding

and paterno and sentoski were both at the wedding. Yeah, I remember them being there. I remember seeing both of them like, wow, these guys are the guys. Like, why is Jerry Sendoski's date a 12 year old black boy? Why didn't he put a middle schooler in a dress? That's kind of odd. Oh, God.

I think I get really coached defense. He could, that's the defense. And his defense. He's called not called linebacker you for nothing. Yeah. But I mean, even wrestling, like I lived with the guys who are wrestling my sophomore the years afterwards and I just had great friendships with them. So it was awesome.

It was not, and it was a great experience doing it, but I really enjoyed the rest of my college. Of course. Yeah, that's kind of nice too because you're like, wow, I mean, look, we're big quitters at the Stadley's world. Nothing feels as good as quitting something that sucks. And that is hard work. It's even if it's rewarding, it's like, yeah, but it's awesome.

I remember quitting lacrosse in high school and my coach, Kong, me, and he was like, this is important for the rest of your life. If you quit this, you're gonna quit everything. I was like, yeah, no, I get that. But, you know, I just don't want to do it. He tried to give me the hard sell, and it was like, dude, I don't give a fuck.

You're wasting your whatever, Bobby Knight motivational book you just read about, I'm gonna light a fire under that kid, and I was like, literally, truly what happened is, my mom bought me that year's NBA live that day when I was considering quitting or not. And the coach called me and he's talking to me. I am literally looking at, it must have been 2006. I'm literally looking at Vince Carter, the new package

and I'm like, should I go to practice or should I play this game right now? And that was the nail look. And sometimes I think it was divine because my mom never just randomly bought me video games But she just and she and whenever she did she would get it wrong You know like you would want Mario and she'd be like here's Luigi's mansion And it's like I asked for Mario like this is a cool game. I guess but it's not what I wanted

But she literally picked exactly the game. I wanted on the day. I was considering quitting lacrosse And I was like this is a, I have to play video games. And he wouldn't even, the best part is, I was such a warm that I wouldn't even like, he was trying to like, he was trying to make me like, you know, take responsibility, if I was gonna quit, I was gonna quit, and I was like, not only was my, and not only was I not,

one over by his pitch, but I blamed my mother who had just given me a video game. I was like, yeah, my mom just wants me to focus on grades right now. My beautiful mother who got me a gift that day under the bus, because that's how not only did I not quit, I weaseled out of, I wouldn't even face the reasons. And you know what, that coach was wrong. I quit one of the best things I ever did. I have a lot of basketball knowledge now. I won't even face the reasons. Oh, it's okay. And you know what, that coach was wrong. Yeah.

I quit one of the best things I ever did. Yeah. I have a lot of basketball knowledge now. You know, I made great friendships with San Marille over there. Like, it's literally, being a basketball fan helped my career more than playing fucking, being second string lacrosse in Baltimore City Public School League, ever would have. That's one of those things, quit.

Yeah. But that's one of those things, too. It's like, not, I was never gonna start. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Like, maybe my fifth year senior, I could have got something, whatever, if I would have developed, whatever,

but it's just, the road was so, it's like, I was just tired of cutting weight, and I was like, but you really are right. It's what a sense of relief, and I got to keep those friendships, and I was grateful for the experience. But I was, I kept like,. But I kept the weight off, because you had a good shape.

kept the weight off. I just got a membership to a gym. I worked out religious three days a week. And I got to, like, I tell you what, the next year after I felt like I was on steroids. Yeah. Because I wasn't so run down from the cracks. Yeah.

That I was just like, ah, that's like, yeah. I was like, I was like, I can't believe I get to enjoy down from the tracks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That I was just like, ah, that's like, yeah. I was like, I was like, I can't believe I get to enjoy my life like this. You know how much, and then you think about your teammates and how much their lives are. Yes. And you're ripped.

That must have been, that must have been, your penis must have never worked better than that year. Because it's like, you're not tired, you're in tip-top shape. Tip-top shape. You're 20 years old, probably. Yeah, 20 years old. I felt like so good every day,

because I wasn't getting run down. Let's go to my classes. I got a job. I was like, it was great. That's awesome, dude. And then I love the idea of you being a jacked, special ed teacher in Philadelphia. Did you do that?

Did you ever do it or just went to school for a while? No, I did do it. I worked in a behavioral school for three years. And then I went back, I was like, because I had a criminal justice degree, which you can get online, and I'm on the way. It's like, yeah.

It's like I talked to somebody in Wisconsin, I think. They just gave you, you're like, you got, it's like at a barber, if you get that haircut six times in a row, they give you a criminal justice degree. You punch it, you're like, you're almost a sheriff.

And it's just, you can either get it online or just get that haircut eight times in a row. That's so great. That's so great. My argument is, I got an administration of Justice Degree during those Sandusky years, and they should pull my degree for not sniffing that out. You're betch-pressing in in that same facility while he's literally downstairs He's fucking a kid in the showers and you didn't have the clues. Oh in my defense. It was different the football was different We were in basketball and volleyball. Oh, so we had a different building

We weren't anywhere close to them. Yeah, so we were not close to the adus Administration of justice You should pull my degree. I think so. For not being able to solve that. Yeah. But now I worked in, what I was going to say was I worked comedy on state, which is a great club, Madison. Great club, love them.

And it's shot out to the Paris family. Yeah. Greek owned. Yeah, it is Greek. They're awesome. They're the best. Yeah. So this kid had a film degree and it's like, wow, that and he we were laughing about it. Because it's like, that's a kind of a useless thing now.

It's like with the phones, like you learn to shoot everything on eight millimeter. Of course. Oh my God. In film. Oh, yeah. It's like, it's like all that money on that degree, which is largely irrelevant now. I mean, at least I would say a film degree is better than a criminal justice degree. Because it's like, I mean, in film, you get at least like study film, criminal justice, what do they teach you to get away with domestic abuse?

Is that like one of those things? It's like, make her say she fell. Well, I mean, if you're not gonna be in the, what are the jobs? It's like, I her say she fell. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm I going to do with this as a master's? So I started working with adjudicated kids, which was no money.

It was poor money. And again, going back to our thing about like, if they should pay those people so much more. And it's like, then you would get smart people who want to make a difference, but if you can't feed your family, like, I mean, good for us, we got your comedy out of it, but in the grand scene,

you think the world would be better. I think about that too, where it's like, if they, I thought about working in like nonprofits and I did for a year while I was starting comedy, but I was like, well, this, I like this work, but it doesn't pay anything and I love stand up. And so, made, I like the world would be a better place if I didn't do comedy.

And I just ran a good nonprofit. And the world would be better if you were a fuck, if you work with like, you know, kids who needed it. But, what do you want to do, you know, kids who needed it. But, what do you wanna do? We wanna do this. We also have to do this. The systems also are not,

for these kids who are on the severe end of this cycle. They're not really meeting their needs. It's because, you know, everybody needs to be politically correct and no one wants to feel like any kind of way. But it's like, they're not really, if a severe kids needs severe facilities, and they need to be dealt with in that way,

so if you need to restrain, it's like, there's this whole thing where it's like, ah, we wanna, blah, blah, blah, it's like we wanna dance around the issues, like, no, no, no, no, these kids are severe and you need to help severe measures need to take care of you. So I don't think that the system is, and it's also a money thing too.

It's like public schools. Like if you have a kid that you need to farm out to a facility that costs a lot of money. So it's beneficial for them to keep them in the classroom because they don't have it. Even if they're not benefiting. Right, right, right. So it's like a whole thing.

It's money and then, you know, and you're pretty disillusioned. Like you wanted to make a difference. Well, I worked in a behavioral school for a while and that was very difficult and then I worked in three different public schools I worked in the city school I worked in a working class suburb and then I worked in a wealthy and Different challenges for each but it's like a lot of the parents of these kids in the wealthy school You didn't have the right candy for them. That was a big challenge. I hate everything

It's one of those where it's like, my kid is allergic to everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what we're doing here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are we doing? Yeah, yeah. I don't know what we're doing here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what we're doing here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you got to, you know, you got to discipline them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's that, and then the parents having control, you know, having too much kind of input in terms of like what's going on,

the administration not holding to standards. You know, because it doesn't benefit them, it's like you're going to get sued. And then they're holding to these standards and where's the no one sees it. They just, you know, the kids are educated better. So the administration, a lot of time, if the parents complain, they just cater to them. Of course, you know. And it's like, why did I go to six years? Why do I have a master's in this?

I was gonna be told by a dipshit parent, what to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I can tell this was 20 years ago and you're still pissed. Right, yeah. I think about it when I work out. Yeah. No, just thought of us, I lived with Soda. Yeah, of course.

And I would be going to work out, and I'd be leaving, and to go work out, and he would look at me and go, it looks like you, because I would have a bag to go work out with my gear, and here you go. It looks like you have a picture of your enemy. You're a bad guy. You're a bad guy. Just tag it up, you just,

I'm coming for you, you got to start here. Yeah. The guy who kidnapped your sister. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you.

I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you.

I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. I'm coming for you. and hanging out, it really felt like, because he was wanted to be respectful of those weed smoking policy. And it felt like we would like literally be in his room. It felt like, all right, we'll smoke weed

because my dad's away, but he can't be in the living room. And we would just go into, and we would just hit a fucking bowl and smoke, like blow it out his way back. We're back with that. I'm so great. This I did, Mike doesn't like it. It's like, you're both successful comics. Like Dan is on showtime.

And he's smoking weed, clandestinely, out of his back room, and then we were playing like the Freddie versus Jason Xbox game. Oh my God. It was fucking hilarious, dude. It was so awesome. That's so fun. We had a bump in our, in our floor.

We had the water, the pipe broke, and it flooded our kitchen, which was part of the whole, the kitchen wasn't separate. Yeah, that was the floor. And it soaked into the floor and the floor warped into a like a speed bump. Yes. And we just, we had it for ages. We just had it. We never, the landlord was like, ow, like he never fixed it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, we would mention it. Yeah. And he would, I don't know. Yeah, but he also never raised rent once, right? He never raised the rent. That's awesome. Yeah, it was great.

And he never fixed anything. Yeah, never raised the rent. That's the rent, though. That's like every year that $200, he could be raising the rent. You should just apply that to like all the shit that's broken. Yeah. Well, I'm sure like when to like all the shit that's broken. Yeah.

Well, when we left, he got to the place. And you know what I mean? Like, got to the place and then raise it. And now it's gonna raise it right. I still, dude, I walk by there because I go, I go to the, we were just there because my brothers were visiting on Greek Independence Day and we went to the Greek supermarket. We had all these Greek treats. We had like a Greek, we just saw John Wick for,

had Greek food and then went to the place for dessert afterwards. And we were just like, I was like, there's their old place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had fond memory when I first come, you guys were awesome when I first moved and I didn't know anyone, I would just hang out there. Yeah, yeah. But I love it because you clearly have a nice background,

this is perfect for ourers, special ed degree. You know what I mean? An athlete. A lot Italian. Which cancels out the special ed degree I think. I have to bring you back to zero perfectly. But you're doing math. You're clearly a man of great experience here so we can help all our callers.

So why don't we take some calls? And of course, guys, we're going to remind you, go watch the special on YouTube right now of the attractives. Yeah. And kind of social media also. Of course, yeah. At Comic Mike V. Comic Mike V. On all social media platforms.

At Comic Mike V. Go see our boy live. Truly a fucking great comic. One of my favorites. And as well, call us 904 800 stop if you want us to answer future questions. So go ahead L.D. play us our first call. Hey, what's up, that man? I'm not working.

You fucking idiot. Every time. Hey, what's up, that man? Yeah, I'd like your advice because uh... i'm seeing this girl is pretty hot redhead nice but uh... she's got like she got a thing with a tits there uh...

it's really nice but you got like a nipple hairs and they're not like i don't know they're not like short ones and i'm like like long i don't know how to tell her you know take care of it uh... anyways

yeah give me a call or something what you want to call uh... you think i'm gonna call hey bud uh... heard your voice mail what i also love is because it's like, what you've never seen the show.

You think I call you? Okay, this is great. So she's got hair, and I've definitely come across a nipple hair here or there. But I'm trying to think, see, I came across it once when I was like, cooking up with this girl and she was very fair skinned. Right. She had dark hair.

So the nipple hair stood out so much. She had like, you know, this alabaster skin and she had like dark, dark black hair. So she kind of would see it. Yeah. And like, pluck, pluck that bad boy. Right. Um, now, you know, how long are we talking here? What's the, what's the really, He kind of would see it and like pluck that bad boy.

Now you know, how long are we talking here? What's the really, how many? How many? If we're talking about one or two here or there, you've definitely seen those. They come around and in my estimation, that's a good sign I think hormonally. I will tell you, I was just thinking about this. If you see someone who has, like, if you see a girl who's got that tiny mustache

that you can't really see you to the naked eye, but it's got those like little hairs and then maybe like a tiny little happy trail, you're in for some of the wettest pussy of your life right there on the ass. That's what I, some of the best, some's going on there where it's like the hormones are just right, those are, that's like cave man pussy

when it was like, we gotta get this, we gotta get this shit real wet. Yeah. Cause we got, you know, there's woolly mammoths around the corner, we gotta bust, this not has to come fast. So I think hormonally, this is a good sign, you see a little hair on a woman

that you don't see normally. Now, yeah, is it like how many of them, how do you tell her? Red head's interesting. Red head is interesting. Because they're fair. They're fair. They're fair. You're gonna see it. Well, I probably has light, you know, lighter, really white skin.

Yeah. I'm guessing. And then the red hair stands out. We'll see, I don't know if it's it because I was gonna say Because if sometimes a red-headed girl will have like a like that Kind of a similar mustache thing, but it's the the hairs are so light that you don't see it from the naked eye Right, so I'm thinking maybe this is more of a one. They're in your mouth or you're real close You notice them and they're tiny Now, I would say an easy

utilitarian approach here, if she's got great titties and you're in there all the time, you're gonna have to bite her hairs off. I think that's the quickest way. That's what I was actually gonna say. Yeah. And keep them as trophies. Sorry to take the cereal color wise wise, but you can kick them as trophies. Yeah, like practice biting your arm hair off It's possible. Yeah, you know, you can do it gently Yeah, you can do it gently and it will give her maybe the message it'll send her a message And even if you don't do it gently, it's like you know, you're just like It's like oh, I'm sorry. I didn't recognize I didn't see your I didn't tell her lay off the test

Sorry, I didn't recognize, I didn't see your, I didn't even know. I was gonna lay off the test. Yeah. I don't hear you. Yeah, she jacked. She's not too. So I would say, yeah, get bite of Titty hair off. That's the easiest way, you know.

Otherwise bringing it up to her. Yeah. Kind of, you know. That's a good way to bring it up. Yeah. It's like, what are you doing, it's a nice icebreaker. Yeah, yeah. Or you like start coughing.

And you're like, what happens? I think I got a Titty hair. Yeah, yeah. Or you start coughing. And you're like, what happened? It's like, I think I got a titty hair. Yeah, yeah. I'm dying. Yeah. Pluck though, twist those out. Yeah. You need the end or fall.

And the red hairs are spiced here. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely, 100%. So yeah, buddy, I would say that's my advice to you. Despite the titty hairs off. And she's got nice titties and you could bring it up. If it doesn't bother her, you might just be sucking on some hairy titties

every once in a while. They're not short, but they're not long but they're not short either, interesting. It's tough, because if he brings it up, this is like a lifelong maintenance thing that she's gotta think about the entire time. Tweezing a titty hair every once in a while is like a lifelong maintenance thing that she's got to think about the entire the entire time Tweezing a titty hair every once in a while. It's not a big deal. I know, but still it sounds like she's not conscious of it Or yeah, right? Maybe you're bringing you phobia into her. Yeah, I would say bite the titty hairs and see where it takes you

And then call back where do you bring it up at Wendy's? Yeah, oh that reminds us Where do you bring it up? Where do you bring it up at Wendy's? Yeah. Oh, that reminded that. That reminds you of what you're here to have a talk. You see how Wendy's hair, she braids them. We're almost going to be able to do that to your tits if you don't start twezing soon.

We're going to have pig tails on either side of your breasts. You her suit. Yeah. This. Yeah, just leave them and braid them. Yes. This. Yeah. Just leaving them and braid them. Yeah. Yeah, buddy. So look,

bite them and then call his back. Let us know how it went. Here's another one, big LD. Hey, Stati. Love you. Love the show. Skim Eldus is

I can figure out the audio. He already fucked it up. All right. Head headline is, have you ever had experience with a girl who is shy about getting her pussy eating? I've been with my girlfriend for a long time, like seven years now. That's it. She was never with a bunch of guys before me. I only fucked a couple of times before I got with her.

And fucking, she tries to get in a pussy. I want to rock her world, as have me in one of the pussy. What do you have to say? I know that you're the pussy eating rascal. That's true. I figured you know, get some advice from the best. Come to Iowa, get sucked off by some college students or it'd be more...

Love you, love you show, bye. I'm open to both demographics. Um, okay, wow, okay, shot seven years now, and she's shy about getting her pussy. You guys gotta fuck, you gotta get in there dude. This is crazy. I get it, I mean, I've kind of experienced that, like as I get into my 30s,

girls in their 30s don't get you. That shyness is gone. That's like a young woman's thing where they're like self-conscious, they're like, oh, does it smell, does it taste bad, whatever. But then you just gotta be like, shut the hell up. I'm going to town on this clan.

I find when I take that approach, it's hot to them. Where there's like, or a girl be like, I haven't showered and it's like, quiet down. I'm about to eat some fucking pussy here. I'm putting my smile on. I'm getting in there. I'm about to eat some fucking pussy here. I'm putting my smock on. I'm getting in there, I'm putting my goggles on. I'm ready to go. Yeah.

You know, I'm getting in there in a major way. She goes, I have a shower and you just whisper. I didn't want you. Yeah, yeah, good. I like it better. I like it gaming. Yeah. Yeah.

Like venison. So I would say, yes, exactly. There is a possibility that this is like some kind of, you know, made to feel bad about their bodies thing that a lot of women go through with it. So if you have to, I think I've also found sometimes you can warm them up by eating pussy right out of the shower. So maybe they're a little self-conscious if that's the root of it. I thought you were going to say take them to dinner first.

But I guess right out of the shower is fresh. It's seven years. Come on, you know what are we talking about here? You're common lawmarried at this point. So yeah, dude, I think you're gonna have to, you're gonna, I would say maybe talk about, I mean, this is seven years, bro, you can have these conversations.

You could, at the root of most of these questions, it kind of comes down to have a bit of an awkward conversation that'll open everything else up. And look, you guys have been together for a while. And here's the secret, you don't have these sex conversations like before or after sex. You have them in completely non-sexual environments where you can kind of talk about it clinically,

not even clinically, but just like, without the specter of actually being horny around, just like, hey, what's, what is this about? At a Benagans. Yeah, take it in the dinner. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is the fanciest restaurant in Youngstown. That's where Mike's mind goes. That's where you guys are. Five. Yeah.

So yeah, I would say have the conversation and my guess would be, so three prongs of advice. Have the combo for sure. See what's up. If it happens to be like a self-conscious about her pussy thing out of the shower, so she has less to worry about. And as you get better eating pussy, I think like, I think, and as you do it more, maybe she enjoys herself more, she'll probably get less and less self-conscious. Third, I would say, just kind of be like,

I don't care and eat some pussy animalistically, which I think is a, can I've had it, I've never, no one's ever been like mad, right? Cause it's like, when they're self-conscious about it and you're like, I don't give a fuck, let me show you how much I don't give a fuck and then you go Tasmanian devil on the pussy. You're like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah her pussy and she's like, she pops out,

just busted with her fucking tits all sweaty and like hair matted to the side. That's good, I think you can go that way. And actually there's a fourth option here where some people, and this is hard for me to say, don't like getting head, okay? And that, I don't understand it. It's not my values, right? But in the spirit

of tolerance, if she's of one of these people that straight up doesn't like getting head, you know, you might just have to live with that. That sounds horrible to me. That sounds crazy, but that truly exists. And I mean, when you strip down the layers and you have the conversation, it gets down to it. Like, I have male friends who are like, I'd rather have sex and get my dick sucked or like, and I've heard girls say that too. Maybe you got one of those, pal. I don't know.

But I like a weather system thing where you give her the options like, do you want a category five? Or a category two? Okay, because we have a high pressure system. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I hate to say this could be a skill issue. I don't really know how to tell you to get better in maybe. Wait, review.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get some feedback. Get some feedback, yeah. I must say, look, this is kind of like, why don't star players become coaches? Like they're like, Michael Jordan could never be a coach. Because he just doesn't have the patience to walk through an average basketball player through, because he gets it.

I have to say I'm a little bit of that when it comes to eating pussy. I can't sit here and hold your hand. I was a fina coming off the coming out of college. I was making all-star games. Even when I was not a comedian at all and I was in college, truly my college girlfriend, she wanted to take things slow.

And she was like, okay, you know, maybe you can go down on me now. And literally the first time I ever ate pussy, she was like, you know what, maybe we should just have sex. Like I got to give myself a little credit. The first time straight into eating pussy, I convinced a girl to let go of like whatever Catholic guilt she had. And let me get pussy right there.

Due to my debut, my rookie performance, I put up 30, six and six. She busted. It was pretty cool, honestly. So I don't know. I can't tell you as eat pussy with fervor, like you're having a good time, enjoy yourself. It'll come through and also be mindful of tempos. I have, most girls, in my opinion, you go at the pussy fast, but there's a small percentage,

I would say 10% that a real slow pussy eat. And this is your wife or common law marriage here. So, you know, you're gonna have to figure that out, pal. But I'll just, you know, I want to chime in. Yeah, I want to say too, like I feel like sometimes when girls don't like getting the pussy, they're pussy eating, it's like, I think sometimes it really is just like, not even a self-conscious thing,

but they don't know how to like sit back and relax. Right. Maybe it's because society is always like, they're, they're just like, they're just a police. Yeah, right. So I think, I think like there's no job as to please. Yeah, right So I think I think like for him I would even just be like hey, I really want to eat your pussy I think it's fucking awesome and it makes me horny is fine

Right, and it'll it'll very good make me really horny if I just eat your pussy Right, yeah, it tastes that pussy and then yeah, okay relax You didn't have to say I got to taste that pussy. You can keep your sexting, Wingo, out of the fucking discussion we're having right now. But yes, Eldis, despite his somehow saying the most vulgar thing in this hour and a half podcast, he just came right off the top rope and made me uncomfortable. I don't know how you guys felt. Mike is squirming in his fucking. I felt awesome. Yeah, your dick is hard right now. That's why you're you're sending your girlfriend picture of your

dick as we speak. But yeah, that is a very good point, though, eldest. He did. There is some good insight there. That's a definite possibility. So speed my friend let us know how your pussy eating adventures go and we do want to say we're a pro we are staunchly pro pussy eating and head in general here at Stavis world um if you don't if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything next question LD something you'll fall for anything. Next question, LD. Hey, Stavis, I've got this friend, me and our other friend, Kev, we were all kind of hanging out. We had a Lord of the Rings marathon. We were drinking a lot. Pretty fucked up, but I have a good time. And this friend, the other friend, his name is Drew.

He kind of started talking to us and telling us about his family and how his father used to beat him, or not him, used to be his brother. And he used to verbally abuse his other brother. He's got three brothers and that drew would walk in on his father sort of hitting one of his other brothers and would constantly just berate them. He went on for like 20 minutes just all this detail, all these past stories of the father beating his brothers and get pause for a second.

emotional and out of circle. Now we're going to get to the rest of this call because it seems important but let's get brief folks. We don't need to hear how much the guy beat them for 35 seconds. That could be one, that could be 10 seconds. Let's try and honor the under one minute rule from now on. And part of this is eldest's fault for his continued rewarding of the long winded, but that's never going to end. So just a just a general note, let's get, let's work on brevity. We get it. The guy got the shit kicked out of him by his dad.

Go on, oh, you know, I think Kevin and I were cheering up. Drew, what was crying as well, just sort of telling us all of this. And then around the 20 minute mark, he kind of just stopped and looked at us and said that all of it was a joke and he was just, it was all just a troll. And, um, yeah, and then we kind of lost it. But, so my question is, do you think that, what do you think the right reaction is? Do you think that that would you ever make a joke like that? We should troll one of your friends for 20 minutes like that and get them to empathize with you because we were pissed

Uh, the cab almost attacked Drew The relationship was pretty strange for months. We're all okay now But I'm just interested on what your take would have been. Would you have been able to just move on? I think it was funny that he was able to pull that off. Or do you think he's a psychopath? I mean, what are we doing here? What the fuck is that? That's crazy. It's crazy. But I think it's crazy. That's fucking crazy. When a TikTok academy was on. Oh my god.

Dude, this motherfucker has such an empty life. If all the only way he knows how to fucking relate to anyone is a troll, this guy sucks. Oh my god. It's like, it's almost honestly, he would be better off mentally if his father beat him, and that was a true story. It would be easier to fix a guy who was abused if his father beat him and that was a true story. It would be easier to fix a guy who was abused by his father than the kind of guy that makes that up for a group

of four. It's not even like it's just it literally would be a better sign if he did get beat and he was able to show that he could open up emotionally about it and be vulnerable with his friends. Yeah. So there's got to be some up with this fucking guy. I wonder if he got like cold feet and was like, oh, what am I doing? I don't want this out here. Yeah. Is that a possibility? Is it a possibility?

He went back on this because he just didn't want you guys to know. Because what is the point of doing this? If this is truly a troll and it's not anything else, this guy is a fucking psychopath. I mean, you're right, it is four people. It's not like a fucking... It's four people. It's four people.

Even if you did this on like YouTubers, I think it would be fucked up, but I would get it. I'd be like, all right, that sucks. He's doing it for the love of trolling. His best friends The right reactions be like what the fuck is and also you're fucking up a awesome day Yeah, everyone's hanging out watching Lord of the Rings I play my Error gorns slut is fucking slice and or kids left and right and he fucks the vibes up You can't watch you can't rewatch Lord of the Rings that often.

People have to wait a year and a half, a year minimum to have a really be looking forward to it. And he fucked that up to tell you this weird story. Sums up with this fucking guy, dude. I would hate that. I also would know my friends well enough to know that's the upside of having like friends who you've had for most of my best friends,

the people that I would have this kind of thing with. I've known for, I mean, I've known I'll just 20 year, 28 years. Like I've known, I've known, you know, other friends 10, 15 years, whatever, but like that's fucking insane. Yeah. Like there's something up with that guy.

Here's the thing, like that. Like that's gonna be weird. It's like he comes that same friend who did that over dramatic story is going to go my father just I mean, do just keep it to yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's over, bro. Yeah, you can't now, yeah, now nothing bad can happen to this guy. 20 minutes. They were both crying. Everyone was crying. They were both crying everyone was crying What the fuck he's got a channel that into something else Does this guy have a girlfriend the family a job?

He was fucking preparing a fucking dramatic monologue to make you cry during Lord of the Rings Fuck this guy dude dude. Oh my god. This guy sucks. You should have attacked him. What the fuck, dude, this is for this sucks. Yeah, maybe. How old are you? Trolling is not, like, what do you, do they say how old they are? I don't think he's specified, but let's say,

I don't know, 20s, I would assume. It's 20s, yeah. I could see this maybe still still being funny like, okay. As far as 24 maybe. Yeah, if you guys are real young, there's the ironic detachment. Like, look, I'm a veteran of the irony wars, right? Like, I get it.

I was on Compton for six years. I get it, right? That's how I started my podcast and career was saying the most fucked up shit for fun because it's funny when you're in your 20s. But at the same time, if you're older than that, it's, and even if you're not, 20 minutes is a fucking long time.

Like this is, you're hearing it from someone who did find shit like this funny when I was younger. And if someone did this to me, even for this long, and it actually elicited real emotions, that's what's really dangerous here, is I like trolling and this kind of behavior, it's an ironic detachment from real emotions. If you've gone so far,

that not only are you detached from real emotions, but you muster them up only to make your friends cry, you're gone. Well, maybe it's like, maybe his friends beat him up and then afterwards, and he's just saying he was just kidding the entire time, but after they beat him up, they go, yeah, but we were still running on that fake emotion.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's a dangerous game to play. So the thing is, your friend is fucked up. And if you're gonna maintain a friendship, you gotta be like, hey, man, why did you do that? And what in you and really make him answer? And he can't be like, I thought it'd be funny because there's, it's more than that. Yeah. He was molested by a drama teacher. It's probably what happens. Yeah. I mean, there's no way you do this and you're just a cool regular guy.

No. There's something deep seated. Yeah, this sucks. Or maybe he's took an acting class and he's trying to like really see. Yeah, that would even be cool. If he said that, but I don't even, that's the thing, that's what's so fucked up. He took an evil acting class. Yeah, he took an evil acting 101.

Yeah, dude, so. Ah. I don't think it was fun. I mean, I honestly, in out of content, like if that happened to me and my friends, I would not find it funny. That's the thing, man, it's like, because it's not a funny thing that happens.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was no comedy in getting beat by your father and watching your brothers get beat. But you know what, if there's nothing funny in that. Who wrote? It would have been funny. It would have been funny. It took a two-on-man.

Here's what I'll say. There's nothing even as skew in this world. It's like, oh, this good. I can see how this could be kind of hilarious. No. No, it's just straight. I do see the structure of humor in convincing your friend something bad happened to you for a little bit, right?

Like if this was two minutes, yes. You know, that's funny. If you're like my dad fucked my ass, and you made me believe it for even a half a second, I'd be like, that's pretty good. And I honestly thought your dad fucked your ass. But if you'd talk in detail about how it's spitting your whole and spreading apart,

and he fucking couldn't get hard at first, so you just had to lay there on all fours, knowing you're impending. A salt is happening. That's not fun. You know what I mean? You can take the bit too far. And how do you transition from Lord of the Rings to that? Yeah. And again, in the context of ruining an awesome birthday, that's honestly his biggest crime.

Whether it's doing some weird monologue, inviting your girlfriend without telling anyone, forgetting to order the Chinese food, not buying enough weed, not only getting enough mushrooms for two guys, instead of four. Anything that fucks the birthdayos day up is a fuck, is a capital offense, and this is one of the worst ways

to fuck it up personally, because it's like, you're getting older, it's hard to find time to carve out with your friends, and you fucking like give up a Saturday, and this is how it ends with you wanting to fight your boy, that sucks. This one struck a chord with the deal. I haven't said anything funny in a half hour, but I'm just like, this pisses me off.

I think you're right, the 20 minutes is the deal. The 20 minutes is the deal. It's the key. Because making your friends believe something horrific for two minutes is funny. Yeah. Yeah. Spending this much time and effort when you could have been like, you know,

I don't know, buying, you know, doing something positive. That's the problem. We gotta take this negative shit and do two minutes of something negative for the bit. 18 minutes of like, hey man, I really appreciate you as a friend. You know what I mean? Like this is toxic.

This is true. I hate to be like, this is toxic. You're getting a legitimate, I'm calling something toxic out of me. Which is hard for me, dude. One minute of the bit. 19 minutes of high five. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A little ratio here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. One minute of the bit, and then be like, and the worst part is he left this mark on my thigh, and then you pull your balls out. That's awesome, dude. He just rewrote the end, everyone. Yeah, I did everyone to believe you got hurt, and be like, and he took a knife to my thigh and chunk, and carved it, chunk out. And chunk out and then they're like really they're like yeah, and then your balls come out You're carried out on the shoulder

Classic show All right, we got to get off this one because I'll just I'm trying to wrap my mind around what kind of person does this and I'll go in circles forever Play it hit us with another one. I'll just some fun Those stopping friends made a call before I got to cut that work. But Gary and with this can you do your help a bit of a mental gymnast, if lately, around this little bitch I'm not too sure, but I'm seeing like, oh I saw this girl high school grade 12, and it's probably eight years ago, we dated it went a bit longer after school and then years go by we went our separate ways, never talked to you and then uh here we are he's a little on brevity folks hang out again but

you're dating someone you also dated at hospitals there and yeah I like go with the emotions and move down from all that shit but after reconnecting I feel like it's a bit harder than I thought and we've been in things for about a few months now like it's a bit harder than I thought and we've been seeing her for about a few months now. I'm just hanging out and finding whatever. But I don't know what I should do if she's seen other people or the whole thing. I make them move or get everything whatever but I think it's a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit of a You know, say motion to begin and I'm a stop in the lemma of I know she did a skank I'm gonna lose y'all as you would say But I'm all for it

But I don't know, that's just We're just getting friends Getting my dick sector just tried off for I can see myself getting back together Also enjoying being friends. I don't know. You can help me lead me in that. You're just standing there.

No, you're fucked for sure. Okay, so what can you, I can't get this back. It's simple. I know, and you know what? I know I'm talking about brevity, but this is like this guy is one of the least in touch with his emotions people. So this is big for him and I get that. He's like has to do an errand. He has to go.

He's like walking around. He's all getting the mail. He can't get that. He's like, has to do an errand. He has to go, he's like, walk around. He's all getting the mail. He can't just admit, here's what happened. He dated a girl in high school who he clearly had feelings for. They went their separate ways and now what he said, eight years later, whatever, eight ten years later, they started dating casually. And he was like, and he, I guess, under the guise of, it's gonna just be casual, we're gonna hook up,

this is fun, but all the emotions are flooding back for him. He's clearly, he's like, I'm starting to care, you're not starting to do shit, you're in love with this and your own word, skank. Which is not a problem, I'm pro, I am pro hose. This is a pro pussy, I'm pro, I am pro-host. This is a pro-pussy, this is a pro-slut podcast. Best people on earth, honestly, okay?

And anyone who says they wouldn't date someone who was like, you know, who fucked a bunch of people, or who even does like, who's a sex worker, it's like, grow up, you can lose your- They're called givers. Yeah, they're not self-centered. Yeah, they are, they really truly are. And they've picked up some great skills at the office.

Oh, you're not going to eat cinabuns because a chef made them for someone else. You fucking asshole? No. They've made a lot of cinabuns, so they're real delicious. Anyway, you're not in a weird mental dilemma at all here, pal. You are clearly, this is one of the simplest things of all time. You just, you're basically,

mostly are at the whims of this woman and you don't wanna admit it. You've made up your mind. You do wanna be with her, but now you're scared she's either gonna say no or more, because I'm gonna guess from your voice, you're a Canadian townie of some kind. It's, you sound like you're a fucking extra on trailer park boys

So it sounds like either you're afraid she'll reject you to date seriously or I'm kind of more sinister kind of shitty misogynistic thing you're afraid people will judge you for being with a Quotter again quote-unquote skank, right? But what did he get his dick, huh? He did. He's dating her. Okay. So he's like, what happens if she starts seeing someone, he asked like, what happens if she starts seeing someone else? Like right now they're in that like nebulous,

we're dating, but nothing's been said for. Right. Right. And it's kind of like a game of Russian roulette, you know, where it's like, who's like, pop, you know, like who's going to like die for? Who's going to get killed with the until you Either date or break up. It's Russian roulette. Yeah, and one of you will be heartbroken, you know what I mean? That's how it works. So Or I guess you stop the game before you want to get shot and you're like good, you know

Go separate ways the thing is I can tell from your general like Like it's funny that someone's like even though we're talking on the phone, you told me this story without making eye contact. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, you're like, eyes at your shoes can't admit this shit. You clear, I can feel how much you care about this person. And I got used for your pal as hard as this phone call was. You're going to have to have another hard conversation with her and be like, hey, look, I like you,

we have, I have a good time with you. You know, I'm feeling a connection, do you wanna give, and here's the thing that I learned in therapy, where if you have commitment issues, dating someone for a little bit is not getting married. You guys, you can say, if you, if you happen to have these commitments, you'd be like, hey, do you wanna give this a shot for a little bit is not getting married. You guys, you could say, if you happen to have these commemissions, you'd be like,

hey, do you wanna give this a shot for a little bit? See, it's just, we'll date exclusively for a while. Doesn't have to be serious, but we don't have to see other people, right? Like, I'm not saying we were getting married, but it's like,

I'd like to just focus on this relationship. I'd like to see if there's a possibility for us to date, and then you could take it. But that's an emotional risk. That's the thing he's afraid to take is that emotional risk. That takes balls to do that. It does. To come out and be like, this is what I think it is.

Why don't you tell me, because you gotta be ready for the rejection there. Of course. So if you get hit with the, I don't think so or the rejection and you gotta be comfortable with that and you gotta stay in the pocket and go, all right, we can still be like whatever, or if it doesn't work for you

Like now we can't be friends, but I respect what you said You can't force yourself to feel any kind of way and then just stay in that pocket But if you're gonna throw it out there like that like I didn't I never liked the guys who like have the balls Throw it out there, but as a girl goes. I'm just respectfully goes. I'm just not interested then they go You're a bitch. You fucking or you can't do that. He's a guy, date you. You can't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta go, all right, I respect it.

You can still be friends, we can't be whatever, I threw it out there, I took a risk, but you can't be a little bitch. 100% on the rejection. She got the right to walk away. Yes, and he said, and that's perfect, because you've said, in his thing, he said, I feel like I'm being a little bitch here, or like, I don't wanna be a little bitch and you feel this way, that's perfect because you've said, in his thing he said, I feel like I'm being a little bitch here,

or like, I don't wanna be a little bitch and feel this way, that's not being a little bitch. Being a little bitch is not saying something about it. That does take one being in a friend and weird friendship place. You know what, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Even if, like, that is something that happens as you get older, the friend zone, you can be

in the friend zone and get pussy. I got rejected by a girl who like, we had hooked up once and I was like, you know, I was like, let's just see, you know, we don't live in the same city, but it's like whenever we're in the same town, we both travel for work, sometimes I'm there, sometimes she's here. And she was like, hey, like,

and we hung out a couple times and she was like, hey, like, I like you, but it would have to be like, just as friends. And in some ways, it hurts more when someone who you fucked wants to just be friends. Because it's like, damn, she did give me the shot. I can't even have that loser. Well, if I had just gotten the shot, it's like,

no, my dick I guess was trash. And that's things. And I'm with you, buddy. As someone who just recently, like somebody that I hooked up with who I was in a weird nebulous like semi-romantic friendship and we would hook up sometimes It's still it still hurts and obviously I didn't thank God in day to high school and have all the baggage you do So and I got you know, I got the fuck couple of the girl right afterwards to make myself feel better my life better than yours

But it's still hurt. I was sad for a week, you know, so I would say that's your move, bro. You got to actually do this. And this is not, this is what not being a bitch. This is being a fucking man. This is being like heroic, right? It's like, you might, and he might even be scared because he sees the writing on the wall.

Yeah. Where it's like, but you never know unless you try, brother. I'm telling you. And the other part of this, another running theme with this podcast is the road to a wind is littered with losses. So you fucking take this loss, your one step closer to the WPOW. Yeah, it will make you tougher. You will be better off for it.

Right. You'll know the kind of person that you want. And even if this doesn't work out, you've recognized something in her that you feel a real connection to. And that gets you closer to finding the person that's like has some of those qualities. But then also the other ones that, you know, this girl might be like 60% what you want.

And she's not into it. It gets you closer. You have identified, well, I like this, this, and this about her, but I didn't like this, this, and this. I'm gonna look for that in another person. And for you. And you know what, even if you take the loss in this valiant way that we're talking about, she might step back after, you know,

it always takes that week to week for whatever, and go, hey, this guy really, I like the way he, they're always watching too, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the resilience, like, we've got this guy, it's what I need. Yeah, and then you get the call back. Absolutely, but don't give him that hope.

He doesn't need that right now. He needs to know it's yes or no and move on if it's a no, he doesn't stand up for that. Mike's right, but ignore it. Okay, that's advanced. We're in like, we're in Emotions 101 right now. That you're right, but that's a 300 level course. That's like, he's not ready for that level

of emotional manipulation yet, you know? So yeah, and look, and it's up to you to decide whether you can still be platonic friends or whether you have to just break it off. In my personal experience, maybe this is because I am not, I am also not emotionally developed. It's hard for me to stay friends with someone. If I have,

if I've had any kind of romantic connection with them, it's not impossible. I have some friends who I dated, who are still in my life, but it's kind of, for me, it's a thing of time. It's like people I dated so long ago that it's almost like a different person dated them. Right. Like, for example, this person I just discussed, I was like, she wanted to be friends still, but I was like, look, that's just not gonna work for me right now. And it's like, maybe down the road will be friends. Maybe down the road you'll throw me a little pussy pie again.

Who knows? But either way, I know for me it wasn't right. It would just kinda make me a little sad to hang out with her now. And that's totally fine. If that's what you feel like. But either way, you just have to figure it out, stick with it and put yourself out there.

You can only, it's like, in a lot of ways, there is risk in all this shit, and I get being scared of it, but you can't let that, what scares you, control you. You gotta go out and try hard, buddy. So we're rooting for you, pal. One way or another, you're gonna make this happen. Mm.

Yes. I thought we'd pretty close to wrapping right out this way 137 you want to do it You can do one quick one or do you guys do you gotta do a quick pisser? I got a quick light one quick light when it take us off to place out Watch the special folks see Mike on the road follow him on fucking Twitter Instagram the whole mind You know what comic Mike V comic Mike V the attractive Hit us with the final question Hey there, Bobby baby, so Long time ago my ex girlfriend was that second generation Greek and so they were celebrated all of it.

Had a yaya, papu, the whole time. So they really went hard for Greek Easter. And the first time I ever went to Greek Easter at the church, you know, paid twenty bucks to get in, whatever. And everybody has a full plate. Like, oh, you can just go get a plate. I'll think, oh hell yeah. And everybody in front of me is getting two pieces of, you can just, you know, we're gonna play. I'll think, oh, hell yeah.

And everybody in front of me is getting two pieces of pinnacle, but, you know, all the whole, whole thickness. I go up there and ask for two pieces. I go, no, everybody needs to share. You get one. Everybody else, but we got two pieces of everything. And because I wasn't great, I was about to have a little help.

That's what it's for you is you guys have a celebrate, greet Easter, Everything and because I was in Greece You guys are always all great Greek Greek you sir, good I got things for you guys like you know just want to know anyway Thanks a bunch. Yeah, you fucking red headed prick You think you're coming to our fucking church and getting double-spon-on-copita? You'll take one piece and be happy Go back and have some fucking hagg cock sucker. If you don't like it, go eat a boiled potato with two fucking little sprinkles of salt on it if you got a problem.

But that's the same thing with you taking me and Sodor to a Greek restaurant. It's like we got treated like kings when you were there. We got treated regular, less than regular when we were, you know what I mean? That's kind of also on your girlfriend for letting, because in any ethnic restaurant or ethnic situation, you need a guide of that.

You need a Sherpa. You need a Greek Sherpa and a Greek restaurant. When I got Korean, I was dating Korean girl last year when she took me to get Korean food, it was insane. How fast they were there. We go to green barbecue sometimes That's like dude we go with like for like sit four to six big motherfuckers half of us are fat as shit They know we're spending a lot of money. Yeah, they don't treat us good. Then I go with a tiny Asian woman

Yeah, it's like the the keys to the fucking they treated you so good you guys weren't even sitting on the floor the keys to the fucking they treated you so good you guys weren't even sitting on the floor. Yeah Yeah, dude, they fuck it. They broke out the chairs Thrones, but Yeah, so that's a little bit on your girlfriend, but Also, yes, dude like we were talking about it earlier in the episode actually Greek Easter's the fucking best dude It's it's like it's our Thanksgiving. We don't have that. And it also makes a little more sense in terms of when Thanksgiving should be. They kind of bang, it's kind of a gang,

how they gang bang, was like Thursday or Thursday. November in my head just auto corrected to Thursday. I don't know what the fuck happened. November kind of is the Thursday of months. It's almost the weekend, which I consider to be, I guess, December. You just got a little sneak peek into how fucking stupid I am, folks. Anyway, it makes more sense to have Christmas and then a big spring holiday,

in terms of balance. Right. But Greek Easter fucking rules, dude. Even the church, like, I don't even, like I said, I don't go to church anymore, but Easter celebrations, also, because we literally celebrate at midnight Geez like we act like it's new years Which like like Jesus popped out of the two met 12-01 you know what I mean like we celebrate like oh He's written like literally we wait till 12, but it's like he's risen and then we have fucking candles people light off fireworks

It's fun as shit. It's a midnight mass. And then you go because you've been fasting all day. Restaurants are open. So you go out and you just get fucking lamb chop. It used to be a traditional soup. You'd have like this like, you know, soup. But it's like in Greek town, it got to the point where it's like, just the regular restaurants were open and serving just fucking skewers of meat,

which is really funny because to have it ready for midnight, they're cooking it during church, so you're at church fasting and you're smelling just fucking steaks in life, right? But dude, Greek Easter fucking rules so much better than your bullshit ham easter. We literally, in Greek town, we had family friends, the only rich people that I knew growing up would host this giant Easter and everybody was invited,

like everybody in the community was invited and they had this beautiful house. They were literally like four whole lamps on the spit. Wow, holy and that's like, that's the main course but it's also like they have a grill with lamb chops. It's like, it's fucking insane. I can't wait. My dream is to like that, that literally means something to me. Like it has meaning. So my can't wait. I'm trying to buy a house in Queens with a backyard so that I can host Greek Easter for all my friends in the neighborhood where it's like, I literally want to do a whole lamb

on the spit. Yeah, dude. So you got finessed, you deserved it. He's actually your girls fault. It's your girls fault. And clearly he says it was in the past tense. So that relationship was never, you should have known right then

in there that relationship was gonna work. But anyway, that's gonna do it for us. Mikey's got a piss, I got a piss. Go watch the special. Watch, that's gonna do for us. Mikey's got a piss. I got a piss. Go watch the special. Watch, come see us on the road. Me and eldest got to start, you know what? We're gonna start doing before the show plugs

so that you know where we're coming and everything like that. But we love you. Thanks for listening. And we'll be back soon. See you next time. Bye. Bye. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem.

Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal.

This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.