Stavvy's World - #26 - Brandon Wardell

Episode Date: May 29, 2023

Brandon Wardell joins the podcast to discuss starting in comedy young, coming up in the DC comedy scene with Stavvy, moving to LA with zero life experience, his soft feminine features, that one time he and Stav went to the Grand Canyon, and much more. Brandon and Stav help callers including a guy whose friend is in prison after shooting their neighbor in the head, and a couple who are concerned about the guy that their 33-year-old virgin female friend is dating. Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld for exclusive, Patreon-only episodes.

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Hup-hup-hup-hup! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World. Call in, 9-0 the fucking thing you cock sucker. I can't see the number 904800 stop No, I don't know the fucking great and I've and you forced me to curse at the beginning Ruining our algorithm. El this you mother f'er You mother f'er you Tushy F'er You weeners-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s-s- Fuck you. Call in, we'll solve all your problems folks. Thank you so much for sticking with us. I got my boy, my man, honey, grand,

Brandon Wardell, who I've known since he was a child. We were both versions. Yeah, I never gotten our little wea. I think I had gotten my soft, but when I had met you, I had gotten my soft dick rubbed through my jeans in my church during the Greek festival I was blackout drunk and and I'm very Christ like yeah, dude, it was awesome trying to resurrect my weenus and

My dick only got semi hard and I got all kind of like an OTPHJ But I didn't did you come you did come stuff?. But I didn't, did you come, you didn't come soft. No, I didn't come soft. Damn. Which is a shame, I still think about that to this day. Nothing worth, nothing worth. Nothing worth in calming soft. By, like, I'm trying to think how many times

I've come soft myself. Yeah, I definitely have had those, like, usually that's aterol or cocaine, right? Like, no, yeah. Naturally, you're dick. It's the product, yeah, I'm just saying, similarly, yeah, you're just like, ah, I don't know.

And you're, it hurts so bad. And you're just like, I need to bust or I won't be able to. Oh, this, have you ever come soft? Oh, yeah, I'm sure. No, I can't. Nothing comes to mind. I don't remember anything, but I feel like

I've come in from my softest dick before. Yeah. Well, it's like the lazy softcock jerk. Like, sure. It'll be like half hard or even less sometimes. Sure, sure. You can still crank one out. Less than half is tough.

It's trying to jack off less than half is tough. This one is like, you spin on your, oh, that's your dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The mouth, on your, oh, that's your dick. The mouth, my mouth is dry. You spit on your dick. And it dribbles, yeah. Yeah, because it's not, because usually if you're soft, you've also probably beat off like five times a day.

Five times a day. Yeah. So it's also like, there's not that much there. Right. It's more like you're chasing a state of mind, changing. Yeah. Because it's not the physically, you probably, you might not even get a drop of time. You're just trying to inspire something. Yeah, because it's not the physically right you probably you might not even get a drop of

time to inspire something. Yeah, you got a shift you got to change the narrative for sure. But yeah, no, I have no news since I was in high school. Yes, right. That's right. I'm one of a Sav's oldest oldest friends. That's true. Oldest friends in age. In yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not stay young. I hang out with 14 year olds. I'm just like, dude, this is, this is, this is, this is Max. I'm like, dude, this, uh, though you guys like, don't you guys like, um, Dunkerous, but there's no kangaroo, it's just the D.

This, this kind of, this snack foods are bustin', aren't they boys? Just fattish shit. I'm older than their mom. He didn't damn Uncle Ruiz. They have taken the kangaroo out of Dunkeru's, and that's fucked up. That's my version of, keep the Christ in Christmas. Because they brought it. Keep the kangaroo in Dunkeru's.

And there's no kangaroo. It's literally just a D. But it's mostly frosting taste It's mostly frosting. It's mostly about the frosting. Yeah, but whatever you you don't strike me much It's like even as a child it doesn't seem like you were you had a sweet tooth or you liked or you were very indulgent I have what you had diabetes I have you have one How did you know? Nick Jonas can you Oh, this is your skinny diabetes. How do you...

It's because I like Nick Jonas' addition. Okay, stop bragging about having the same disease as Nick Jonas. I've got the Nick Jonas' disease. What is... Yeah, so what's not a fat... What's non-fat being gay? Closet at home is sexual. Yeah, you got that disease too, but you got Jonas' syndrome big time on that one.

Yeah, it's a... Yeah, using a member of the Royal family is a beard. Yeah. I'm staying in the closet. Hopefully just so just in case it doesn't affect her. Did he date a business career? Am I thinking of I don't know. Is somebody.

No, I think he's married to that Indian lady, right? Where's that the other Jonas? Joe Jonas. One of them is pre-honka. Pre-honka. Yeah, she's a bad bitch. She's 100% I would love to get this off by pre-encore. She was she was something you matrix, I believe. I like it's something I admire is that

in in spite of your you know your recent boom right? Mm-hmm. You've remained as horny as 20 19 right? Of course like in a way that is most people can't get away Most people I am brother, I know but I do think that there's there's a certain There's there's a factors at play that are to your benefit, I name some of them. Fat guy. Fun, fat guy. There we go, okay. Yeah, full head of hair.

But if I, like, you know, loveable charm, you know, you likeability. It's, yeah, yeah, cuddly. You could never, you could never get away with that. If I got on Instagram, I was like, Hey guys, I'm in Miami. Somebody bring me a Cuban sandwich and suck my coffee. I'd be arrested.

Well, they would think you'd be trying to sex traffic children. They'd kill me, the firing squad would murder me. It would read a little Dilea if you tried to do it. Yeah, yeah. You got that, you got like a little too much show, but you've been in LA since you were 19, 20. Yeah, yeah. You know, it's like, you got like a little too much show bit you've been in a license you were Nineteen twenty. Yeah, you know, it's like it would read a little I know where the you know do you do you was always wearing the long shirts? Sure. Well you had a

I don't know Italian. I don't know. Don't pretend let's everybody go look up I three brand-ins set on the nerd melt show. Yeah. You're wearing a Robin Hood shirt on that one. Yeah, I might say, yeah. That one's a divine. Oh, maybe it was divine. Yeah. I was, you know, 23, I was in a different head space.

You went LA fast. I was in a much different head space. Were you molested by, did anybody try and fuck you when you went out there? No, yeah. You moved out there 20 what? 21, 21. We drove that lady.

We drove that lady. We were an adult molested. Yeah, but you looked like you when you went out there. She moved out there, 21. We, 21, we drove to LA together. You're an adult molester. But you looked like you were, yeah. But like I could play child molester. In fact, you at 21, fresh to LA, and we drove together. But you and that, honestly, that's a molester. That's a Brian Singer's dream.

Cause it's not, you're not a pedophile. But you did look like you were part of a team 16. Exactly. It's like that guy. It's like those guys that date like little people or like developmentally stunted women. What is that condition? We have the Benjamin Buttons shit going on basically.

And it's like they're clearly pedophiles, but it's like, hey, nice loophole. You know what I mean? Like don't fuck any kids, fuck this lady who looks like a kid. Bitches who fuck Andy Villanacus. Oh dude, I'll hundred people. But he's got a different thing going,

because is there a type of pedophile that likes a fat 16 year old? This would be awesome. You know, a fat 16 year old with swag. Yeah, he does have swag. Shout out to Andy. That's swag, he fat 16 year old with swag. Yeah, he does have swag. Shut up Andy. That's swag. He's a friend of the show honestly.

Did he, as he come on yet? We gotta get him on. We gotta get him on. We gotta get him on. We DMed a couple times about him doing the show and he was in Greece and I was on the road but we was in Greece. He goes to Greece all the time. No, he fucking rules.

But so, so the answer's no then? No one in the entertainment has trying to touch your penis. Yeah, what if I started crying? That would be awesome. That would be so sick. Barbara Walters, Silas Avisro. That would be awesome. Yeah, I feel like there were times that definitely like, it could have gotten close. I see. Yeah. Really times. Well, who are the game molesters? Cause I mean, there's straight ones, straight comedy molesters. That's a long list.

You know what I mean? But I'm trying to come up with a game. I should have done my research to really do some gotcha moments on you. Yeah. That would have been awesome. Yeah. But I don't feel like, what if I casually revealed that I was molested by like,

Paul LaPound's. Yeah. Yeah. That would be awesome. If you have Rosie O'Donnell straight molested, you somehow, like well known lesbian comics are like, what can I say? You look like a girl.

No, I had my own complaints about Ellen but I said silence You were like oh, I can't wait just gonna let me dance define myself. Yeah That would be awesome dude, but hey, what are you gonna do? Unfortunately, I guess you didn't get arrested I don't think not because we're friends. Yeah, it would be funny to me if you got molested Somebody in like like a comedy club owner or something. Well, no cuz like you've known me long enough to know know me through multiple arcs of my life. And you know, I'm 30 year old man now.

Like it, 20, I would not have behaved the way I did at 23, I got molest. Some could argue it would have been good for you. Maybe it was a fun video. Maybe I would have slowed down a little bit. You know, in the lesson, retweets in 2014, don't stop you from getting your Dicks out. You know.

Yeah. Yeah, you did. Yeah, maybe that's how you got the Bob Bowden Curk album, the timeline. Maybe, maybe Saul busted in, maybe you sucked better calls, Saul's balls. Okay, there we go. I was working out.

We gotta get balls in there. Maybe you sucked this better call balls. That's Okay, there we go. I was working on, we gotta get balls in there. Maybe you suck this better call balls. That's what I should have done. Better sucks all. That's good too, but I was trying to get balls in there. Yeah, better see, yeah. You come in. I suck, Saul is succinct.

Better sucks all is good. Yeah. But that's what he would have told you. Like you come in, you're like, hey, Brandon, I got a really fun opportunity for you. And you're like, oh, I can't wait, Bob. And he's like, but if you want it, you're like, hey, Brandon, I got a really fun opportunity for you. And you're like, oh, I can't wait, Bob. And he said, but if you want it, you better suck salt. Yeah.

I'm Aaron, it's all right. It took a little workshopping, but as a team, we came up with a cool way that you could have gotten molested. Yeah. It is funny, because yeah, you definitely did have, although you did have like an arc of like, yeah, move out to LA, you had your little fucking, you know, your Robin Hood shirts. For a second, you know. The long shirts.

You had a big Drake, in fact, like a child, because you did get like, well, because I went suburbs to LA. Suburbs to LA, exactly. Which was like like I was like Because we we met when I was in DC. Yeah, and so I was just like Driving from my parents house to open mics. Yep, and then no no life experience to speak of whatsoever Yeah, yeah, I just smelled the pussy up close. No You know probably I did me a comedy for four years before I fucked.

Yeah. That's crazy. But you did nothing else. Do you ever have like a job? Um, generally a part time job. Well, I had, um, when I first moved to LA. Yeah. Actually, I don't know if we've talked about this.

The first time, when I moved to LA. I worked at PA gig on a subway ad I do a boring Who's your Jared And that wasn't it and that was I had a yeah, yeah, yeah, he liked that real young. Yeah Yeah, so Jared was a problem. Yeah, I was not I was I was a PA I was so fucking bad at it. Of course, dude. But I mean before LA, like I'm trying to let's come up with who you are. You even long mowing. Yeah, but in Virginia, so you never you had no truly zero life experience. Didn't take school particularly seriously. No, right. We're just

that you're probably just an okay student, right? Yeah, I was like, a fine student. Yeah, like not even good enough to fail. Like, you didn't even like, you couldn't even commit to being a burnout. You were just getting like C plus, like I was just kind of like, floating, floating, floating by. Really unremarkable in every way.

But you were a good joke writer. Right, you know? Like you were like, yeah, like that was what I was doing in DC was just like jokes. And that was all, that was all like the product of just like, I was like a comedy nerd. Right, right, right. So, but so it's just so, it's wild that you were thrust into great family by the way. I, you know, your family's incredible. Oh, yeah.

I like your family so much. Oh, yeah, they, without, without, without question, they're much better people than, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, adversity. No, yeah, my mom's an immigrant. Yeah, mom's an immigrant You know pops roast through the ranks of the armed forces, you know great guy and you truly you did nothing Right you did nothing and then you're just thrust into LA Right, and then immediately it's like well Yeah, it's like they they're they like fetishized youth. Yep. Yep, yep. And so they're like, they're really sucking on your dick for like four years. They were gassing me up.

Well, it was like, it was the, it was like, I moved there and then it was like a couple months and then they started like, they started gassing me up like a couple of years into right, living in LA. Right. And then it was like, it was like the last year that like, Comedy Central was like making anything year that like comedy central was like

making anything for basically. Right right. Yeah honestly you kind of did get fucked that the old model of like shit disappeared. It was like right because they were because you were in with all that shit. I was in and then I was and then it was immediately and then it was like all right I'm yeah I'm podcasting. Yeah. Yeah. All right. I guess I'll podcast. Remember, dude, so we drove. I remember the place you sublet when you first moved to LA. Horrible. Oh, this is a good, this is a good thing.

We fucking held this. I said, did I tell you, so many, we had to do it. It was horrible. So I drove with him from Virginia to LA. It was like a fucking sick, we had a fun road trip. Yeah. We see the Grand Canyon. We had a good time.

Oh, and quick aside about the Grand Canyon story, is we drove by, we go to the Grand Canyon, we take a photo of the two of us outside, like by the Grand Canyon. That's right. You post a photo, it's like, where the Grand Canyon, we're not gonna You post a photo. Yes. It's like, where are the Grand Canyon? We're not gonna leave until it's full of come.

Yeah, yeah. And then like both of our moms like to, on Facebook. And I remember I was like being in a hotel, in like a shared hotel. Yeah, yeah. Like two queen beds next week, yeah, they just don't read the caption.

I think your mom might even like shared it. Yeah, like, I think she literally was like, I think she was like, oh, Brandon's like, having a good time at the grand canyon and underneath the chair, so they just saw the nice photo. The red one with the red one with the butt. We're not even doing fullages, baby.

Anyway, so we get there. And your roommate, so you had a bunch of, you had like, it's just place in West Hollywood. And you have a room, there's some guy who's like a, like a old, he's like a gamer type of fat gamer. I'm like, so I was telling somebody the story and like sort of just explaining the context of this apartment. Yeah, I'm sub leasing this one room in like

Four bedroom apartment or something. I think it was just three bedroom three people living there and then one guy who you had a bedroom Some guy had a bedroom and then behind a shower curtain in the living room There was a guy But there was also before we get to that real quick. I do wanna say, there was one night that I got back and somebody else was also getting back. And I fully just didn't know that that was like a roommate of mine. Like that was like, it was like a situation

where I was like, I don't even know who all my roommates are. And the more I talk about it, and the more years that pass, this is 2014, the more I'm like, I think this was like a crack-den. Well, it was like basically in like a fucking life. No, it was horrible. Flava, it was awful. It was awful.

And you slept on the couch, you said. I'm sleeping on the couch, so eldest, it's like, Brandon has a room, some fucking guy who's like, truly like, you know, I know what I look like everyone, but he was a big fat, balding piece of shit, who was like, never left this room, was like the South, but like, he was like a gamer and a computer programmer type guy.

I saw this guy maybe like, I stayed with you for a couple of days, because we're young too. We don't understand the etiquette, how rude it is that Brandon's just bringing his friend, and I'm just setting up shop for four days. He didn't run it by anyone. And there's already a guy living in the living room

as his bedroom and I'm on the couch. I was gone for like, I leave. I had moved, I had done like a move without a car. Right. And I go back like, okay, I gotta get this car. Yeah, so you moved in and then you left for like a week and then you come back with your friend. Yeah. And we're just like hanging out. But also these guys are like, okay, I gotta get this color. Yeah, so you moved in and then you left for like a week and then you come back with your friend and we're just like hanging out.

But also these guys are like, you know, and live in filth, live in filth. Live in filth. Absolutely. Two of them, one of them, again, the like, the guy's the real job, the fat guy, we don't see him at all. And then the other guys are like,

clearly your classic failed actor types. Clearly we're like sexy in their shitty hometown, right? Haven't like one of them was keeping it tight. The other one, the guy who lived in the, the guy who lived in the fucking living room. He was clearly a guy who gets pussy and was like a piece of ass in his day, but also was like, you know,

he's kind of getting up there in years. He's poor, he's not taking care of himself. His teeth were like starting to get fucked up. I would wake up every morning to like him just like blasting like, whoa, Amber is the color of your hair. Yeah. Behind this shower curtain. Yeah.

And so they have some like little professional extra. He was a professional extra. Yeah. I remember you overheard a phone call of him. Oh, yeah. Or he's calling his parents to tell him how good how he recently worked with John Ham and what a good guy John Ham was and he what he meant was he was an extra on madman man.

He was like John's great. He's telling his mom like John's awesome. Anyway, this guy's you know what he's hilarious. He's like kind of like a he's like a bartender I believe and you guys had some you guys were having like a party. You guys were having like a part. You guys were having like a party, there were like a couple of people. They were whatever, I remember we were hanging out.

And dude, this was like the, I remember going there and being like LAs worse than everyone said. Like it's the drags of society. It was all, everyone had that vibe of like, we've all failed out of entertainment, we have nothing. Like these like girls were like heard that Brandon had a manager And they're like oh you with and they're like doing cocaine. It's 7 p.m

They're like oh you were them. Yeah, I had a meeting with them over there one time And it's like this like kind of shubby Indian girl and like her blonde cracked out friend and It's like and the vibes are made women you'll ever meet a new life meet in your life. Forcing you to watch their web series. Literally, to pull their web series up. And the vibes were so bad, and me and Brenner both non-women- The web series about, get this, actresses trying to make it real. They literally pull their web series up on a laptop in the middle of this like eight-person party.

And me and Brenner, who don't get any pussy at this place in our lives, even us, we're like, these vibes are atrocious. We have to go. So we just, we're like, these vibes are atrocious. We have to go. So we just, we go, we actually have a pretty fun night. You know, we go to a comedy show, we're smoking weed. You know, it was cool, because you know,

it was like, oh, this is the part of LA that's fun. You know? Probably like meltdown or something. I think went to meltdown. Neither one of it. I definitely wasn't, I don't think you were on the show, we're just hanging out. We're like, you know, eating tacos, smoking weed.

Yeah. Talking to like, you know, comics that we were, because again, this is like what, 10 years ago. So we're like, just, we're more nerd comedy nerds than we even are comedians. I'm like, oh my God, it's comellanjian. Yeah, dude, I found an old photo of us, like outside the Arlington Draft House.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Andy Kinler. Andy Kinler, we're like, dude, we're chopping it up with Kinler. Awesome night. We're chopping it up with kindler. Awesome night. We got milkshakes with kindler. That was like 12, 15 years ago. Anyway, we have a great night.

It was very sweet. He's the man. Anyway, we have a great night. We have a fun time where hi is shit. We both go, we both just call it a night. I'm sleeping in the fucking couch. And out, like I'm finally like dosing off to sleep. And then the door's like kicked open.

Shit's like falls everywhere. It's Brandon's fucking roommate, the big tall, the tall Lankian with the long hair, greasy ass hair. I think his professional, professional extra, whatever his name was. And he's like, he just comes in and he's like, well yeah, come on in. And then I hear the force of the jumpy Indian girl

that was showing everyone their web series. And she's like, wait, there's a guy right there. He's like, he's like, nah, he's sleeping, it's all good. And I'm like, oh my God. Something, something. They just start making out you know, he's he's in the like his Apartment his room is a shower curtain. I hear the curtain come And then I hear them go in and then he like pulls the curtain back. They start kissing

Star fucking instantly, right? He's fucking this girl she's like, you know, making way over the top like fucking stupid noises and He so he starts playing literally starts playing 3-11. Yeah. And while they're fucking literally starts playing 3-11 just at normal volume. And my fucking landlord's calling me. I'll tell the story and then I'll pick it up. And then and then he's inside of her and you just hear the like, you hear a pause and she's like, what are you doing?

He's like, I just gotta get it, I gotta get the right song. And he's here the clicking of an old iPhone wheel. It's like, and he picks up another 311 song. And he's just like, he would fuck for like 15 seconds, pause and then do a 311 song. And then he was like, and then he just, he stopped and he just but,

and you just hear like no noise She's like did you just come inside me? My god And I'd be like yeah Like a fucking Disney cartoon hold on my fucking landlord's calling. Okay, my fucking dumb ass landlord. The door just, the handle of my door just fell off this morning. I show the locksmith, he's like, oh, oh my God. That's the look you want.

Out of the man who's supposed to make sure no one can just come into your home whenever they want. He's also the plumber. Yeah, he literally is. My landlord just like call, it's not even the guy he texted. The guy he texted is like, the other guy's downstairs. I was like, what other guy? It's just some other guy.

He's the, the, he handles most of the shit. My landlord? Yeah, he doesn't do shit, but. Or no, not like, but tries. He, he, like, he's a classic. He's a classic landlord that's like So because you I mean you know brand that we've everyone at this point of the podcast knows that like me and else have lived here We moved in here eight years ago together and like we've had the same landlord obviously and dude He's just like the people he sends the fiction is hilarious. We had a guy who just like, wait a pl-

First of all, we had a, there's those like buddies of his. I don't even, he's got, he just gets the shitiest, cheapest people. The plumber we had one time, the, we had four people living in this three bedroom with a two bathroom. And one of the toilets was just broken.

And the guy he sent in here, were you the one who saw him shot-gunning before he came into the house? Shotgunning a beer? No, was that? That may have been a Peace on whatever. We saw the plumber literally shot gunning a beer before coming into the to fix our toilet He never fixed anything and then he was like, hey by the way He's like, I guess I don't like learned how to pay him. He was like, you know, if you want, I can write that you paid me more. Or you could take it from Tony.

I don't give a fuck. So, this guy, just from the, because he didn't like our landlord, just helped us scam him for $200. He volunteered it. It wasn't like, and it was like, just so you know, we're on the same team here, brother. We're like, Joe, you're all right, pal. He just drove home drunk after that.

Joe the plumber. Literally his name was Joe the plumber. After he finished, he carried out the toilet that they took out of this bathroom, put in this truck with a sketchy sidekick. Yeah, I came back from the bodega with like two loosey sidekits. Because I had to do spare bogey.

Yeah. Anyway, the beer was... Dude, yeah, he would like go and get tall boys, like from the bodega. He's the man. He literally would drink while... Hey, yeah, tall boys, I call them small boys. Small boys. It's awesome to meet a fucking boy like... Because that was... He never hired anyone who's a full-time job

was doing the thing. So this guy left whatever his actual job was, and was moonlighting as an unlicensed plumber. So he would get fucking drunk and try and fix our toilet. And he would have to come back like five times to fix anything. Whatever. Whatever. He had a trace, I've used the toilet. Yeah, and then he, anyway, I actually liked, he was a good guy,

especially for helping us scam him. But what are you gonna do? Yeah, that was the story of me being in the in the living room while Brandon's very temporary roommate fucked. Yeah, have you ever been in a room while others were fucking like that like as a nuisance? Like I was just yeah, I just It's really made her put you in a position. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't even you, it was a guy. Yeah.

It was just a guy, like I've been in a hostel where my friend was fucking, one of the most atrocious women I've ever seen in my life. And I was watching, I was watching a, fuck a Wes Anderson movie on his iPad with my fucking earplier butt in like a toddler who's like single father was getting pussy And another time I was sleeping on the floor of my friends Room and he fucked his girlfriend

I don't remember why that's the thing is that I feel like because I my college experience was so brief Right I like did like a month of... Right, right. You were the VCU for a month, right? Like a month. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, so I was never like in the dorm. Right, right.

And so, yeah. Never in the same room as I was in the pussy, huh? Well, yeah, only in a shame. Only in traumatic ways. Oh, no. No, no, no, no. Yeah,. Oh, no. No, no, no. Yeah, only while you were in line waiting to get cast. They were like, come on, we're bringing back guy code,

Brandon, don't you want to do? You saw what it did for Chris DeStefano and Andrew Schultz's career. Oh, my God, yeah. Yes, sir. Whoa. Well, a kid that looks exactly, another half Filipino boy is just getting railed in front of you and you just you're like

It's like a roller coaster, but instead of riding the cool ride We're kind of doing a white wild now Elda's how about you you're been in the room while somebody is getting fucked or plowed. It's not you Yeah, I don't really want to talk about it Give it to us in broad strokes man I'll just want to testify Testify Man, I'm trying to think of her any others I can't talk about No Hey, what are you gonna do?

We'll skip on past the partner. No, eldest, eldest should, uh, trombodump. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got it. Not until you do, Brandon. We know you've been molested by someone. I swear to God. The cameras aren't even on.

We're just trying to get Brandon to win it. We're just so excited. We're just so excited, Brandon, do a little bit. It's getting brighter. Yeah. I'll just, you know, I was thinking the other day, I love, you know what I love? Mango the fruit. I love its sweet, its delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango,

pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad. You know how many times I've gotten sucked off? Being like, this is actually, one time after a day, I was like,

wanna come back with some fruit salad? And I thought it was smooth, and then some girl after she fucking was like, that was so weird, you asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't drunk, I wasn't drunk. I wasn't drinking at the time. Well, they say mangoes are an aphrodisiac.

Well, here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point, because I was eating the mango. And oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. Yeah. And I was thinking to myself, what if this mango made my dick hard? You know? I was like, now that would be something else. What if this mango made my dick hard? I was like now that would be something else that be awesome and I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game

You know I'm a dick pill evangelist eldest. Oh, yeah, you know, I'm an ED I've tried them all from the gas stations to other other services mangoRx. Now has a new ED poll that is game changing, okay? Really? Taste like mango, my friend. Delicious, just like it. And they have a nice proprietary, because like I said, I've tried them all, Eld. They got a new proprietary formula that combines the active ingredients in Seattle and Viagra

with oxytocin known as the love hormone. I've never heard of oxytocin before in my life, but let me tell you this, made my dick harder than ever. We're talking zwing! You know when they take out a sword and it goes, yeah, that's how I felt putting my dick out of the condom. It was like unsheathing my hardcock.

It was pure metal. After I had some mango Rx, bro. Shining in the light. Yes, one little gleam. One little gleam when I turned my dick a little bit. Hahaha. Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first.

I don't know, yeah, cause like I said, I've done a bunch of them. And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow. They got all kinds of science shit in here. They're making them taste delicious. I am so happy. It was the goal of this podcast. Truly, we sort of made a podcast to discover and work with the new innovators on the

cutting edge of the heart making your dick hard science in the field, right? People who have a beautiful goal, here's their mission, make America hard again, eldest. Then you know, let's get, can we get, fuck, an idiot. There you go, sorry. We tried to give it the applause, it deserved, but some asshole wasn't ready to go. And look, make America hard again. I think on what, whatever side of the aisle you're on, conservative liberal leftist centrist,

you could, we could all use a harder dick. Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks, all this division in the world would go away, eldest. I think this is such a good product, eldest. I think you might have to change your long-standing opinion on ED, medication in general, because look, here's the thing about mango orics. You might not need it, but you're going to want it, pal. Yeah.

All right? I know I've spoken about it a lot, but I am excited to try this one. Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor quick works within 10 minutes my friend the dissolving factor and the yummy taste do make me very You've seen you see me take getables that's sure just because you wanted a little dummy I've so much wine to get high as you take weed adibles I've seen you take weed adibles. I've seen you take fiber adibles where you're shitting yourself, because you wanted a momentary snack.

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The telemedicine visit is over and literally a matter of minutes. It's nothing quick and easy be sure to use code Stop 20 to save 20% off your first order you and your partner are gonna love it. That goes double for you, LD. I can't wait I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries That goes double for you, LD. I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together?

We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends

or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Fuck, that's hilarious. So wait, so you say then then you're, it is just funny because, but you also, you didn't grow up in Virginia the whole time, right? You guys bounce around. No, I'm on Air Force bases. Oh, yeah. Which is that's like another weird sort of like, I mean, like Air Force bases are like simulation data.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I did some shows in Japan and Korea. Yeah. So it's crazy because you're like in a foreign country But it's Taco Bell fucking right. It just feels like America. Yeah, cuz you don't really leave like what parts Where were you on Air Force Base in America or in America? Oh, yeah I'd never went abroad until like my adult like got you got you. Yeah, like so just in America Yeah, but what what parts it was like

Washington state Hawaii oh well oh St. Louis what went went like yeah that was like during like Nellie's P. Oh really that's huge I'm like I'm watching I'm watching like country grammar. Yeah, dude. Like you four seventh fourth grade. Yeah Scotty or fourth space. Oh, you'll annoy the hell yeah, like yeah, he'd be friends with me. Yeah Then like yeah, it was I went I do remember going yeah Hawaii Hawaii to Alabama, sixth grade, seventh grade. That sucks. Rough. Atrocious.

Rough. Hawaii to Alabama. Hawaii to Montgomery, Alabama. And I remember like my first, you know, like when you're moving around a lot and you have to like introduce yourself. Yeah. That's like, that's like a part of your identity, obviously. So you have to figure out ways to make friends fast.

Yeah, so I'm doing the thing, first day of school where everybody has to say something about, you know, get to know everyone. Yeah. And so I do, like, I'm in my first class and I'm like, hey, I'm Brandon, I just moved here from Hawaii. And then like, I go to another, I go to a second class that day and I'm like, yeah, I'm Brandon, I just moved here from Hawaii and somebody's like, you said that already in another

class. I felt so kidding. It was like, I was getting called. Like, it was like, yeah, we know that. We get in. Yeah. We get it. Yeah, we do some you know Holy shit, dude. Yeah, yeah, I'll be able to see my gear kind of place rough But then after Alabama was like DC

Suburbs and then you were just kind of setting up shop and then I was setting up shop there and then I Started doing stand-up when I was in 11th grade so damn, but I want to know about this year of an album You so because you're just moving around so you're you're an army kid But it's but it is just in the state so you just you're going to regular public schools, right? well why I went to regular public schools, right? Well, Hawaiian, I went to regular public schools or like just a public school like a school on the Air Force base, except like I went public school a-thraide onwards, but fifth through seventh grade, I was in Catholic school.

I was in Catholic school because the school districts were so chitty. And this was where in Hawaii and Alabama. Oh, Hawaii had bad schools. Hawaii has very bad schools. Damn, they really say it did when I was coming. America, yeah. The howlies just came in and they were like, we're taking the

beaches. You motherfuck, we're taking pineapples too. You don't get to learn how to read. You learn how to fucking make fucking Mojitos and my only thing in Hawaiian public schools is fucking making coconut bras making fucking my ties Like fucking Lu out greeting a fat a fat blonde man as he gets off a plane That's the only thing they teach and they're like getting getting these like 10 year olds into mixology Damn we really fuck I mean not we I'm Greek. Thank you very much

But half the half of Brandon that is white really fucked up Hawaii. Yeah Yeah, that's the exact so like half yeah half Asian yeah Yeah, have white death. White death, dude. But like in a logic, you're fucking Filipino logic. I'm Filipino logic, for sure. It's... I... Yeah, Alabama though, like just being vaguely ethnic, people are like, well, yeah, this is like a Chinese guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who's this Chinese guy? It's so funny, dude, because I just straight up... I guess I just don't... I didn't peak, I didn't peak, pick up like, Wazion is an ethnicity. Oh yeah. Like I was just like, oh, Brandon's just a fucking weird white guy. And then I met your mom, I was like, what the fuck is going on? What the fuck is this?

The half of the Filipinos are the master race. And you can't tell me that that's racist because it's too specific. Yeah, I mean, don't get me wrong. I have been on a bit of a wasion kick and other, like, maybe you introduced me to something. Maybe I wanted to fuck you when I first met you. Oh, yeah. And now I fucked a bunch of girls who were half Asian. Well, I posted like one of those photos. Somebody like made a photo of me.

Oh, dude, you were the girl's filter? I will go. Who's the, it is like a definite like the, I have a gun. You should have been a woman. Soft features, the soft features of a beautiful one. You really should have been a woman. And it's like, it's sick and twisted. And it's like, I've been a woman. Soft features, the soft features of a beautiful one. You really should have been a woman. And it's like, it's sick and twisted.

And it's like, I've been... You're a pure waste of a man. Like, I've come under fire for people who've said like, I've dated people. Yeah, women. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Posh.

Oh, Posh! New gays shit on StarVish World! Oh, you've dated women? Women specifically? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've dated women, you fucked men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep it on the DL, you ugly brothers.

Come on, man! Come on, man! Hello! I've done it when I need to get ahead. Come on man. Come on man. Hello. I've done it when I need to get ahead. Of course. Get to the middle. Yeah. Yeah. I swore that hand in Montana reboot

was coming around the fence. But any day now, yeah, I know. I've been told sometimes like, oh, that girl looks like you. And I'm like, I can't. That's how I've've solved features. Yeah, oh you think women that look like you I have your your straight Liberace I wish I could fuck me with a push I wish I could fuck me with a pussy. This is what a lot of people are like. There's a lot of girls that don't look like you, bro. You're a total portfolio of Mary Elizabeth Winstead in Scott.

Who's that? Scott Pilgrim. Mary Elizabeth Winstead's stuff. She's the beautiful girl in Scott Pilgrim. Dude, there's plenty of girls that don't look like you, though. Do you understand that? So that's happened to you multiple times. No, I have you.

There's something weird about you. Where you want to fuck yourself. She's a piece of ass. She's so Fucked her we have the same face look that doesn't get you see okay This guy wants to just fuck women to look like I'm like there's something wrong with you. I fuck women to look like you ideally not fuck and then you pull up a woman That you've never fucked who does look like you to prove how hot she is That's fucking weird

Look I'm not on trial That's awesome dude your fucking yeah, that really is some fuck up in your brain I fuck you know like both I try to yeah, I don't want to fuck anybody that I don't want to fucking you women that kind of look like me Yeah, you did you're like, oh there's something about her. There's something so special and attractive about her Mousey brunettes look like yeah, yeah sure sure do you have to fuck mousey brunettes? Why not a brassassy Blonde? I love a Brassy, but you thought. You couldn't handle a fucking Brassy Blonde.

You know what? A Brassy means like big and fucking like, yeah. No, I mean, yeah. You can't handle a thick lady, dude. Yeah, I can't. No, you can't. You need a little bitch that looks like you. No, no, no, no.

You need a malnourished version of you. You need someone who's exactly like, you need you in the face so you can come. And you need frail body. And you need frail body so you feel masculine. No, no, no. No, I'm like, I've hooked up with women, just taller than them.

Yeah, but you never dated them. Plenty, I would have. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we're getting some here folks We're getting to the core of brain the more down right now Nothing is being psychologically figured out Unfortunately we are it makes so much sense It's awesome dude congratulations. I'm thinking about it now. It just a lot of girls that look like you

Yeah, I would fuck them too. That's the other thing and you would I would yeah, but I'm not I don't have a yeah I would I told you I'm fuck you as the girl filter No, I mean I wouldn't call you be your you know personality's atrocious if it was If it was girl you I would never date her but I would fucking bust inside her and be like my bad I would never date her, but I would fucking bust inside her and be like my bad More than three feet. She's in the rotation long enough that you're like, well, this is oh I would I would avoid a conversation 100% 100% I would I would like my bad just saw this a girl that looked like you Damn just been really busy with work sorry

But what's up you want to hang out in 45 minutes? No, okay, I'll text you're getting two months Fuck god damn now I'm thinking about if my type was It's not you Brandon you hear him. He's like I'm too beautiful. It's not my it's not fair. It's not oh it's not for you Brandon you hear him. He's like I'm too beautiful. It's not my it's not fair No, I would fuck any woman that looks like Savros how he is If you're a woman that looks exactly like Savros how he is I will fuck you You're about to get some awesome DMs Everybody gets some great DMs man Damn that's awesome you were in Catholic school 5th to 7th grade. Yeah, that's prime jacking off yours, dude No, I know I had that I had a bit about it, right?

That's the worst time to be in Catholic school. started late which so early I was yeah, so I had to be off I have like exactly I have like a whole bit about how you know, I you know I couldn't jack off in middle school because I went to Catholic school that shame you right and that's why Greek orthodox is great orthodox priest never made us feel bad about jacking off Orthodox is great. Priest never made us feel bad about Jack and off. Nah, dude. Yeah, remember I went to a Russian Orthodox church. I was like, oh, damn, the smother fuckers married

and shit, he's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A little life. Yeah, that's the thing about Orthodoxy. We don't molest, and they don't, they know you're Jack and off, dude. They, in fact, you see, you see the priest has a wife. Right. So he doesn't, you know, so he's not getting boy pussy.

Yeah, that is, no, it's actually, it's preventative. It's preventative,'t you know, yeah, so he's not getting boy-pussed. Yeah, that is no, it's actually it's preventative It's preventative measure Yeah, I mean yeah, that was the yeah, so I Yeah, like I didn't I jacked off late and I yeah like in the the Catholic school jacking off thing like they I talk about how like you know it in Catholic school They're like no, no, no, if you masturbate, God, and all your dead relatives. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Paul is bro, heaven, tell us, fucking gay dude. Watching little kids beat off. Just watching that. Yeah, little kids. Also, Jack, once you grow up, it's kind of cool. Like, I'm kind of proud that if that's real, my grandfather saw, I got some nice pussy in my life.

And my grandfather who didn't really like, we didn't have a great relationship, he was in Greece, I didn't know him that well. But if he's looking down on these things, just like the hot girls I fucked the last few years, he'd be like, whoa, I love my grandson. It's like watching a show, like get really good in like season seven.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he's like spending 27 years. Just watching a child beat off. Oh, man, when is, man, when is, yeah, fuck. These are the good, and then I'll get a wife, and that's, they can't watch you fuck your wife. Yeah. I've been like once you get married.

That's what God said. They got money, moon. Nah, dude. Before, they can watch you, once you get married, they can't watch you fuck your wife anymore They might be able to watch your conception. Oh the conception of a baby real quick aside about that Just because you brought up the jacking off thing sure. I was one time I was like I was doing this bit of the show Where I was like I didn't start jacking off until like kind of late in life I, you forget how many things you kind of casually

volunteer on a podcast. Right, right, right, right, right. And so I'm like, yeah, I started jacking off kind of late. And this guy in the front row is just like 16. Like, like he's just like the age. He just like knew the name, knew the exact age. Damn. And it was like, like he's just like lurking in the shadows

Yeah, and he's saying it. I know everything. Why would he have to know nothing of me? Yeah, yeah Well, cuz I think I know why he said he wants you to be his friend Yeah, I think I yeah, I think he doesn't understand social Yeah, I guess yeah, no, they definitely people definitely know a ton about us But hey, what are you going to do? Yeah. You know, that's why we started Stavis World to really help people with their problems. Yeah, absolutely.

You know, and share everything we can except the time Eldis was in a room with somebody else. Getting pussy. We're going to, yeah, they can find out on the paywall. Yeah, paywall. Yeah. Yeah, you got to pay 25 bucks a month to hear Elvis's trauma stories We talk about getting molested with no laughs whatsoever We somberly describe different traumas times our dads beat us

Heartbreaks devastations loved ones that died too soon we bring it all up times our parents got in dope semi-physical alterations uh fuck dude that that's fucking that is fucking, what are you gonna do man? So that's cool, Brandon wants to fuck himself. It's only a matter of time until he fucks a boy that looks like him. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no God damn, but hey man have Filipino super what are what are some other notable half Filipinos if it's Olivia Rodrigo? Okay, that's cool. She's I think she's great. Yeah She's that Filipino huh? She's that Filipino. I do like yeah cuz right Filipinos have a lot of like they'll have a Hispanic sounding last thing. Yeah, okay Olivia Rodrigo Bruno Mars

Okay Bruno is he half he's talking to me about half no, he's half Nicole Sherzenger. Oh, oh Jesus bad. They've betista. No, yeah, I don't know about that. No, no, no Oh, they they neglect to bring up Rob Schneider Rob Star is only like a quarter believe Oh my god, wait go to go to Olivia. That's her. Let's Vanessa Huggins. Vanessa Huggins a piece ass I take Vanessa Pudgeons over Olivia Rodrigo. Yeah, you know, what can I say? I'm not a pedophile I'm not a self-absorbed pedophile The fucking children that look like me. Oh, Bella poached that bitch off TikTok.

She's hot. And Rican Glazes is that Filipino? Look at that. His dad is, oh, his mom is a beautiful socialite. Is it a Bella pricelor? She's a... She kind of presents full lashes. But that's all that's like that's the beauty of that Filipino is a Those are the it's the oh her is half Filipino. Oh

Yeah, no, I knew that she's a piece of this as well No, that was they are the that's the Mexicans of Asia right? Which is what that was um a part I would say the the party Asian yeah, well I was a good time Asian That's that you know that uh that joe koi movie. I was a yes of course you're rubbing elbows with fucking Filipino royalty I was I was uh saying they should they should uh they should they should they should have called it a crazy Mexican Asian did a crazy Mexican Asian. Now was there any Filipino representation in crazy rich Asians? I don't think so. No. Wow. Pretty fucking racist of the of the non-

Filipino Asians. You are the darkest ones too. It's kind of an extra racist. It's kind of extra racist. To leave you out of crazy rich Asians. Yeah. It's fucked up. Crazy races. Crazy, yeah, yeah, crazy racers to other, to other, dude, don't do that with your eyes. Oh. Not during this part of the conversation.

Oh, I was pondering. Fuck. Oh, no. Haley Steinfeld, she have Filipino now. That's some fucking supremacy right there. She's incredible. She's a great word winner, right? I don't know.

She was nominated for an Oscar at one point. What? What? I don't know. I don't even know about that kind of shit. It's fucking gay to me, dude. Fuck it. That's all, yeah.

List of Filipino Americans. Well, now, are you pull up list of Filipino Americans on Wikipedia? Did your parents have like a lot of did your family have like a lot of Filipino like family friends or whatever like your parents? You know like well just like family, you know family. Yeah, I mean they moved around so much They're probably like a ton like on the you know the Air Force bases They're probably like a ton like on the, you know, the Air Force bases. Let's see. Let's just fucking on. Let's go to the entertainment.

Okay, actually, let's see how low-brainin is on the list. Yeah, let's see where they've got. Let's see, make it journalism. Journalism. Oh, public. Torey, he's good. Oh, man. Okay.

Fashion. Jesus Christ. Entertainment, smart eldest. Oh, they don't have a specific- Was the arts? Wait, no, that's crazy. Would it go to a visual art, man? No, it's not visual. You think you're a fucking visual art major.

Journalism, okay. Just control F-Wordell. Steve has bitch ass made it. Oh, no! No! Oh, no. Notell. Yeah. Steve has bitch ass made it. Oh, no! Not on the Wikipedia. All right, let's go to a list of... I don't know that I made Greek Americans, but let's see. If I did and you're not on Filipino, that's tough, man.

Yeah, that's pretty rough. Just list of Greek Americans. Yeah, on Wikipedia, generally. That'll work. Let's see. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, there's so many fewer of us. Fuck up. Greek America yeah on Wikipedia generally that'll work let's see yeah all there's so many fewer of us fuck up oh but they got me for come town still so we do have to so it's it's Tina Fey, Zac Alvin Aguiz Dimitri, Martin Amy Sidderes, Nea for Dollar Betty White I'm below Betty White. All right, we gotta, let's get our, let's get our people on the making host of Stavis World.

White's maternal grandfather was Greek, that's a fucking stretch. She's a quarter. Is that a quarter? Yeah, a quarter, all right. That's the pussy. Her, the pussy part of Betty White is Greek, dude. The juicy bass, pussy that kept her young. a what's Greek pussy like I can I be honest I haven't

actually fucked the Greek girl my whole life oh that's interest have you fucked to have Filipino woman or just a fill a I mean I'd like to I fuck Filipino girls yeah I will again I'll get my cap yeah that's good but see over there there. Honestly, thank you. Can I be honest? It's all the time. Wait a second. It can't be no wrapped about in 2011. Hold on a second.

Yeah, the best pussy I might have ever had in my life. Yeah. I believe half Filipino at the same. Wow. Can I give it? Thank you, Brandon. You're right. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. No, I didn't even realize. I didn't put that together till right. But you haven't, you haven't fucked it another Greek one. It's honestly, I didn't even realize, I didn't put that together till right. But you haven't fucked it another Greek one. It's honestly, I feel so. Greek doctor Umar would be so bad. So Greek doctor Umar would be, I'm a fucking racetrack.

Yeah. I'm a fucking, I'm a pussy trader dude, I really should, I'm, it's not for lack of trying, I would love, let's see the thing is, I like features that are traditionally, like I like a big nose and some curly hair and big titties. You like Greek coated, I do like, so I fuck some, I fuck like Middle Eastern girls

that look Greek, I fuck to just white girls that look Greek, I fuck Jewish girls that look Greek, but never a Greek, Greek girl, real shame. Yeah, it's real shame. So, if you're out there, gals. Shame, drag ass, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, putting it out into the energy, I'm doing the secret. Yeah, using your platform, I'm using my platform for good,

AKA getting my dick. Let's also use the platform to let people know about the new podcast. Oh, thanks, buddy. The brand and Jamel show, brand and Jamel show. Yeah, the brand and Jamel show, that's that's out. I don't know when this drops, this should drop. It's gonna be, it might be some time. It might be some time.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hopefully before June. Yeah, before June. I think May is. We'll get you May. We'll get a nice bag on. I just wanted to get a plug if he is. 9.30 club, but June's second.

Oh yeah, go see Brandon. Go see Brandon. And we want to have Jamel second. Oh yeah, go see Brandon go see Brandon. Um, and we want to have Jamel on I'm I fucked up. I was sick last week. Another one of our oldest. It would have been so great to have him here. Yeah. Um, but next time. Me and me and Jamel Johnson are our. He's the man. He's the man. hilarious. We've all started doing comedy together 15 years ago in DC. Uh, so yeah, listen to the fucking pod folks. The good one. The first couple ones we got was you know, we got Will Sassos,

Zach Fox. Nice. DAX flame. A DAX flame in there. That's awesome. Yeah, it's you know, there's there's a I don't know who else by the time this comes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who else? Same somebody. We're trying to get. And if you don't get them, it'll be embarrassing. Obama? Obama. Barrio. Obama.

They'll be fucking eating ribs. Yeah. And put everything in. And pussy too? Yeah, I have them right. I'm gonna post it too. But, you know, get your own damn fries. You ain't my bitch.

Get your own damn fries. Were you ever, okay, so let's just, before we go to the questions, let's ask a couple more biographical questions. You ever get in trouble? Were you ever like in trouble as a kid? You feel? I was a pretty straight list.

Yeah, I feel like you were like scared to be in trouble. I was scared to be in trouble. The, like the first time that I got in trouble for real was telling my parents I was going to a school play Mmm, and then going to my first open mic. Wow There was one time a school play. What was the production? I have no it fiddler on the roof and you went to go for that joke jokes Yeah, where was your first open mic? Oh jokes. Yeah, where was your first open mic? Oh, uh, uh, the comedy spot in Boston mall, of course, in Arlington, Virginia. Did you do that? I never did

that when I walked by it. We're doing the comedians on a podcast. Now, it's we're moving right on. Yeah, I was one little fucking question. I was gonna ask you if you ever got, wait, we're gonna... you just landing college park marlin shout out to urwin i do oh yeah urwin uncle day uncle day i don't know if uncle day got his flowers on this but it's common some day my plan is to we've talked uncle day we've talked briefly about uh...

potentially doing like a Baltimore week on the pod where we move the show to Baltimore and we like get like friends of from like those days and just talk We talked briefly about potentially doing like a Baltimore week on the pod where we moved the show to Baltimore and we like get like friends from like those days and just talk about how ridiculous Baltimore was and you know Baltimore comedy was in the we're talking the 2020 tense. All of the like gatekeepers, all of the local gatekeepers were so fun. They were awesome dude. But see now you're the bitch that's motherfucker they tried to get us back into comedy territory. Well, I was made to get out.

Yeah, I know. So you told me we were going to go to a fucking... Okay, so you never got like... Do you ever get in trouble in school or anything? In elementary school, there was like a... I don't know, there was like one time... One time in like second grade, where I was with my friend Sean,

who was like a fat ginger. Yeah. We were like, stop sucking Sean's cock, Brandon. Yeah, he's the slowest. You're like, it's delicious. They were like, no, stop. Yeah, I was in social studies and I was sucking another child's car

It was that was what I was That's what I did the pre interview So, Brenner, I understand you sucked another child's car in elementary school Yeah, look I suck the child's cause, but I too was a child. And fuck, fuck, fuck story. Honestly, it's so, the story is so much more banal than what you do. If I, oh, we were like, oh, it would be really funny if we walked to school like this. And then we did this thing where we were like taking really, like, little steps, tiny steps. Like, oh, yeah, to school like, to the villain, like the villain in power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, power, yeah, yeah, trans village trans devil. Yeah, very prescient of the power puff girls Yeah, we we got school like two hours late

You got a job of retaking gay little steps such gay little steps you were two hours late to school You were two hours late to school. That's the ones I got. Oh, that's the one. You're a step's were so gay. You were two hours late. I was like, oh, I got a chance. That's why I didn't know how to act right. My first couple, couple years in LA.

I was like, I never had, I never was, was never, not a bad boy. Yeah, so we have you ever been like What was the worst time? What was the first like bad thing that happened? Were you ever robbed in LA or did you like were you tricked anything? I mean I was robbed in community college Who robbed your community college? Well, it was like kind of a, well, okay, I was robbed. Okay, both of these times are actually, okay, so I would say robbed. You hand this, I foolishly gave a stranger money. Okay. I mean, in a school, second time doing an open mic,

re-ri-rish pub, Arlington, and I know it well. I'm on the Metro. Some guy comes up smelling the suburbs. Of course. And he's like, I mean, can I have some money? Help me out, whatever. I at the time I'm like, well, surely I can spare. I can spare the smallest bill in my wallet for this, this,

this, you're opening up hundreds, this down and out. Yeah. This, you take out a Velcro. Yeah, I check out Gal Fennakis wallet. I check out, yeah. Comedians of comedy branded wallet. Yeah, Tim and Eric sure to make a red American of reality. I like take out my trifold wallet and then I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, 10 which is way too much a lot of money sure way too much to go we have yeah a third of your net worth

Yeah, like yeah, like you have it you're getting you're literally getting allowance at this point in your life and I Like I give him $10 and then he calls my bluff goes you're giving me $10 out of the goodness of your heart Because that was the the lowest bill in your wallet. I was like the lowest bill in your wallet. I was like, oh. Wow. Like, he's playing my games with like a fucking 17 year old play.

He's got your ass, he knows. And like 17, like, he's the as $30 of his life. Yeah, not like a city 17, not like a cool. Not savvied. No. Not like the 17 year olds, your DM. Oh. You know?

Like, how dare you? The ones who look exactly like you, they're like, did Brandon put you up to this? Cause he already broke up with me, he said I got two old, he said he doesn't wanna see me now that I'm disgusting. I hit the wall. I hit the ward the wall,

AKA turning 16. Oh no know reverse card You're getting finesse for thirty dollars. Yeah, then he you're so scared of a black person You're like take the thirty dollars shirt Well, I was like hanging out with I was hanging out with my black friend, but he was like the like anime kid. Of course. He was like the kid that's like, you know you can put porn on a PSP. I was like, whoa!

This guy rocks fuck! Yeah. Yeah, then I think one time a guy was like, hey, I'm out of gas. It's like a community college course of course of course and the scams the awesome scams like I just need a ticket to get to the bus Those guys were awesome. Yeah, who is our friend that You know exactly who it was we won't say their name, but I gotta be better at not saying names

What was the story again? The story, dude, I guess. I gotta be better at not saying names. I'm gonna say cool. First thing, my sad, I'm just dodging. We'll believe out whoever you want, but we had a friend who was such a fucking idiot. We were going, we were in the inner harbor in Baltimore and we, because literally, this is so funny,

this was like in the early days of Chipotle, where there was one in each city. Yes. And so, in the first Chipotle drops in Fairfax, people were like, Chipotle fall. Yeah, so this is like so long. It was like 12 years ago, 14, 15 years ago. We're still probably, I might be in high school at the time.

Oh, nine probably. Yeah, probably oh nine. Oh nine was like the Chipotle. Like, they were coming up off. But this right before, like, you know, I think shortly thereafter, the neighborhood closer to Baltimore, or to Greaktown got one, but we would literally drive

to downtown Baltimore to get Chipotle. And it was like, I think it might have been like, oh, seven, even, oh, seven, oh, anyway. And just some guys like, hey, I need some money, you know, whatever. And I'll just keep walking, of course, like, sorry, man, don't have any money, whatever. And then this guy's like, he just wanted to act like a big,

like a, you know, like a, I'm better than you guys. Like, come on, help this guy out. He's like, I'll help you, bud. And he's like, goes to give him a couple of dollars. He's like, not see him. And he just like, he sees our dumb friend. He sees like his chest puffing out. Like, he's a good guy. And he's like, nah man our dumb friend. He sees like his chest puffing out. Like he's a good guy.

And he's like, nah man, I actually, I need a bus ticket. And he's like a bus ticket. He's like, yeah, and he starts talking about how he's a, you know, a veteran and like, he just something messed up and he just needs, and he's just like, oh sorry man. I only have this like, take it. He's like, there's an ATM nearby. And he's like, and I'm like, uh, sorry man, I only have this like take, and he's like, here's an ATM nearby. And he's like, and I'm like, oh great.

So clearly we're not going to the ATM. I'm like, yeah, sorry man, we gotta go get your pull. And he's like, where? Our friends like, where's the ATM? And I'm like, what? What? And then we just like, and then, and then, and then he's like, oh it's right there.

And he's like, nah, and at this point, he's like, realize he's made a mistake. And he's like, nah, I can't really like, he's like, we're kind of like, and he's like, oh it's right there. And he's like, nah. And at this point, he's like, realized he's made a mistake. And he's like, I can't really like, he's like, we're kind of like, and he's like, oh come on, just please. And he's just like, and the guy just starts walking and he just starts following, he's just like, oh come on,

it's like salesmanship 101. We're just like, just cue them and they'll go. And he's just like, he's following him. And he, uh, I don't have that much money in my bank account Like now he's just making like excuses. Yeah, and he's like, that's okay. I don't need like $40 No joke no joke and he's just like now. I'm just like now. I'm like all right I mean, I'm walking with him now because I'm just like all right. Well, let's see how this fucking goes and And we're just walking and like and now my friends like just like, all right, well let's see how this fucking goes. And now my friends are like, just mad mumbling and it's like,

you can stop walking at any moment. This guy, you don't have to give this guy the money. And he's just like, you're such a good, you know, he's like, he's like, you're a good person. And then my friends are like, so where is this bus going to? Like, now he's asking questions and he's just like, oh, I gotta get back to my family. You know, he just says something.

And he's like, oh, really? Cause he now is trying to catch him in a line. Oh my God. And it's just like, no, he hasn't given me the money yet. We're walking. And he's still walking. And then the guy's just kind of like, yeah, well, that's, you know, that's where we're going.

And then he's just like, and then my friend asks him like another follow up and the guy just stops responding. And he's just walking to the ATM. And the guy clearly is like, now he's annoyed at my friend. And he's, but my friend is such a fucking, you know, cuck, and he's just like, angrily presses his fucking, but just dabgarns, he's like, here.

And then it's like, he just gave him for a dollar for no reasons. That sucks. Yeah. And then we like, no, I mean, it's just like, it's such a clear, like that's such a go-to scam of like, I need a bus ticket, I need, you know, whatever. And that guy was just there like every other time we would go to Chipotle.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that same guy doing the same thing. Same guy on the Metro. Yeah. I saw him like two months later on the way to college park. Oh, yeah, that same guy doing the same guy on the Metro. Yeah, I saw him like two months later on the way to college park. Oh, yeah, thinking like going Vienna to college park. I see that same guy. I'm like, wait a second. What the hell is this?

I feel as though I've been had. Yeah. Was he being dishonest? Yeah, I remember it was like it was a high school spring break It was a junior year spring break. I like took my first trip to New York just like do like eight minutes on bar show sure sure sure and I remember I was like on I was on some show where it was like Jim Gaffigan dropped in and it was like Yeah, yeah, yeah, and some homeless guy

Unhoused guy. Of course, of course. Uh, as, like, asked people for money, and Jim Gaffigan's there, he asked Jim Gaffigan for money, and Jim Gaffigan's like, I'm gonna spill his hot coffee in his face. Get out of my fucking face. You know, he didn't, he didn't do that,

but he was like, yeah, I don't, sorry man, I don't have anything, but this kid does really points to me. I like we didn't. That's so awesome. Yeah, we had in talk. That's incredible, dude. That's that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's

that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's,, this, this, yeah. He probably was annoyed at you because it's like, you know, a gaffing story like, he was like a full time like advertising guy doing open mics in his 40s. Oh, and he like, and he sees some fucking 17 year old cock sucker

on a, probably a good show at the time. And he's like, fuck this kid, I hope he gets fucking, I'll be sucking this homeless guy's dick behind a, on fire garbage can. Thanks to me telling him he's got money. I don't think he likes this homeless Oh, he must the taste of a homeless penis isn't his isn't his favorite at all Jim Gavigan doing the audience member voice while you're getting raped

He's not consenting to this. Is that Kitey? See, you think I'm age? This might be a double rape. Oh, dude, real quick, I remember when we saw Jim Gaffigan at UMBC. Yeah. I talked to Stav on the phone earlier that afternoon. I was like, we're going to Chipotle before the show. This was in college.

Stav tells me like the ingredients he wants in his burrito. And then we like go up to get autographs after. Yeah, we waited in line to get autographs from Jim Gaffigan. Hell yeah. I have a slip of paper with like Stav's burrito ingredient on it. And I like give it to him. I tell him, oh yeah, this is my friend's burrito order from earlier. It's all I have this slip of paper with like, soft burrito ingredients on it. And I like give it to him. I tell him, oh yeah, this is my friend's burrito order from earlier, it's all I have.

I thought it'd be like funnier something, he's so goofy. And he did not look happy at all. No, dude. He just like looked at me like dead face and like, oh yeah. But crushing it like, signed up. He was like, he was like, he was like, the hundredth box of hot pockets.

Yeah. And you're coming up and like, oh, we're all right. It's burrito. Yeah. He you're coming over like, oh, you're all right. It's a burrito. Yeah. It was not tickled like I thought he would. And I get it now, dude. I fully understand why he wasn't. Yeah, he's the man though.

He's been, he would have come around the stand a bunch and he's funny as shit. He's great. And even doing that to hit to you is hilarious. It's a hilarious move. That's the fuck. I had some follow up, but I forgot what the fuck I wanted to ask you. Oh well, what do you get? Oh, weren't you, because you would, yeah, because it's funny, because you would, you

were like the little boy wonder and you would get on these like comedy, these like comedy festivals and shit, but they would make you just share rooms with grown men. Right. Right, Michael Lawrence. I shared a, I was out of words. What the fuck? I just pull up a photo of my Lawrence. Wasn't it? Michael Lawrence, yeah.

He fucking rules found that. He was, he was, he was on diagnosis autistic at 40 and everyone who's ever met him is like, we could have told you that, Mike. Whoa, you crack the case. Yeah. Whoa. Great. Yeah.

hilarious. Great joke. Great writer. So that's, that's like younger Mike Lawrence. That's what he looked like at that, yeah, maybe like that photo. But yeah, he looked, that's how he looked. Yeah. And you can find a, did you tell me one time you were,

you were like, who the fuck was it? They were just drunken jacking off. Oh, yeah, we don't have to say his name. We were like, yeah, we don't have to say. He was like growling and beating off. Oh yeah, we don't have to say his name. We were like, we don't have to say it. He was like growling and beating off. Oh yeah, we don't have to say his name, but he was in the room next door in like an apartment. Okay.

And it's actually, this is another comic that was like, sort of had their come up during the same time as him. Right, right, right. He was like another beard guy, but he like, like I didn't know him. And then he like, I see he had sex with like some woman

that's not his girlfriend. I don't know. He's, he's not his girlfriend. I don't know, like there's like a 17 year old in the room, in the condo room next to him. And he's growling, right? He's making like fucked up sex noises. Oh yeah, yeah.

And then like And then like 20 minutes later. I'm in like a common area Yeah, and he like pushes me up against wall. He's like don't fucking tell anybody about what you see Fucking god Oh my fucking god, man. I don't know what I was talking about this, you know, this situation. Yeah. I'm like, I'm psyched to be on my community college. Yeah.

Spring break, break, then. South by and lose money. I'm doing the South by Southwest, West West. And this guy's cheating on his girlfriend in a blackout. And if he hadn't already come, he might have tried to fuck my mouth too. Oh, close it off. Dude, shoving you up against the wall, it gets a shitty mafia movie. Keep your fucking mouth shut, kid.

If you know what's good for you. That's so funny. God damn. I think he's... Yeah he writes on something. Yeah Probably is like yeah, no, he figured it out like writes on cordon or something As a kid it's doing good now, but that man 10 years ago. Yeah, 10 years ago He was cornered in a child Pussy Jew a blue some girls pussy not his girlfriend, still on his dick.

Corners fucking chokes out Brandon Wardell. He was another bearded yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A very masculine man. Well, that was also, this is not a knock at any of these, like Mike Lawrence's hilarious. But this is like an era of like hoodies and beers. Hoodies, beards like. Yep, Batman.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right before Marvel became like everything. These guys were like, why don't we have comic book movies? And then it's like, well, congratulations, you fucking asshole. You fucking ass. You've ruined fucking culture now.

No, it's just, yeah. But there was definitely a weird, like, the alt comedy movement thing of like, it was just like, Zach Galvanakis's Mongoloid Sons were taking over, you know, comedy for a while. Well, a lot of those comics are good comics, but. Yeah.

Anyway, we won't name any of them, because out of the five we name, one of them will be the person where Del's talking now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. and you'll be able to figure out who it is. He's gonna be a real easy process. Anyway, but that was that was definitely the beard and the American apparel and the like you know the American apparel hoodies that you loved everyone was wearing those. Every guy that was trying to just get me know hoodies and shit like that.

Yeah, so that was like the wave, that was the wave thing. Now, I guess the new thing is like, John, like John Early and Caperlant, but like five times removed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, we gotta have a very gay man. And like a kind of like theatrical like woman.

Yeah, yeah. I mean, they rule, they're the like woman. Yeah, yeah. I mean, they rule, they're the fucking best. Yeah, no, they're the best. But we're talking about the photocopies. No, like the copy of a copy of a copy of a copy of a copy. You're so right, dude, it's kind of a similar thing with the beard or something. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, and don't get us wrong. Through a lot of comedies, like that happened with Louis Bigdaw. Of course. Come on. Like when I started comedy, I was one of those guys. Oh yeah. It was like one of those copy, copy, copy of Louis. But, I think you're right.

Yeah, there's like a, I feel like you don't see as many of the, there were a lot of like, Canadian copycat. For sure. That was huge for a while. Just like, but it's like, they don't have like the storytelling or or Joe's writing ability of Kyle.

So it's just like, it's just an alcoholic. Yeah, yeah. It's just like an alcoholic. Yeah. And I wonder, I wonder, I guess the thing I'm shot, I wonder, I think you're good. There's something new as a foot, but I can't diagnose it yet.

There's like some real like a, maybe, maybe it's like, it's like a adult swim me. It's a little like Conor O'Malley Joe Perra Dan Lakota cadence. Yeah, even though Dan like probably hasn't popped as he as much as he's deserved Right, I've seen people stealing like that kind of like still did on purpose that cadence delivery very Referential but like yeah, but if you don't pick the right ones No, it's not good. Well cuz like that. Yeah, there's a there's a I guess you know what it actually is I think it's probably a little I think you should leave Tim Robinson. Oh that's out of like oh

Really like like oh the amount of knowing fake Tim Robinson Maybe that's what it is that's what is that's like the number one next up for so many So many Instagram real sketches. Yo, I'm like this guy's just doing Tim. Oh, this guy's just doing Tim for sure I see it a lot. Yeah, yeah, it's like yeah Transparent we're definitely getting a lot of that and then and then there's also a little bit of like Probably like it's just but you know what everyone's stealing everything anything that's like successful is getting stolen You're getting a lot of like kind of like I don't know like almost like a little bit of wild and out

Vibes of like you're getting you're getting like you know just in your face kind of like white comics trying to be black Like that. Well, I'm always I you know, I'm you know how fascinated I am with wild and out and of course You know I went to a knit cannon I'm Wrapping by myself. Yeah, I remember you asked me to go. I was like no Sounds fucking annoying. It sounds like fun and theory, but yeah, it's too long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're there for too long. Yeah. It's, you know, this is a blast.

He let us in prayer. That's fucking long. Was he wearing a bejeweled turban? No, I fucking wish. I like that the, the, the, the Nick Cannon mascot on Wild and out is wearing a turban. Like, there's like a guy like a Nick Cannon costume. Oh, yes, yes. Who is wearing a turban. Yeah there's like a neck cannon costume. Oh yes, who is wearing a turban?

Yeah. And yeah, I love it. I love the kick him at the classroom. Sure. Game that they do. Yeah. We've had a wild and out of love, Matt Smith. At the ballet Smith, love Matt Smith.

Oh, here, she's the best. All right, why don't we answer some questions here? I'll just, what do you say? We've covered it. We've covered it. Now usually, again, Brandon has almost no life experience. So, in the time since I've taken my, my, my, I've lived, you know, he's gained some, but it's even still pretty not that much in the playing games. But let's still see what he's got to say to you, folks. 9-0-4-800

stop. Call the number if you need help. We here for your kids hit us with a question, Eldi Hey, stop good down on the show only coming through your head for a stop good down on the show Just wanted to ask a question of you I just recently got engaged the love of my life nice. I love this girl so much. She's funny. She's talented. She's so smart and she's like an accomplished actress and writer. She's just a very talented artist. And recently she started a band with one of her friends, like a two-person kind of group. of her friends, like a two-person kind of group. And they kind of suck, too. And their music is not good. And her voice is, you know, she's got a good range, kind of medium range, but then if she gets up into the higher notes, she gets, she falls kind of flat. And, wow.

You know, I just don't know how to, I still don't know how to cope with it, I guess. Like, how do I, obviously I don't wanna tell her that I think her music sucks because I don't wanna hurt her feelings, but also I don't wanna listen to this shit, bro. So like, what do I do? How should I go about this?

Ooh, thank you. He knows this is public, right? Cause it's, he says well accomplished, actress slash writer, just started a two person band. Who do you think who do you? I don't know. She's probably not that well. I mean, how about fucking Florence?

You or whatever it's like right now. Yeah. Zach Braffin calling in. Yeah. Or whoever the fuck? Yeah, my, my, my girlfriend, Zoe Dishnell. I mean, yeah, I don't know who this is, but. Look, the one thing is, he really does, he actually thinks he's town.

Clearly, he does think she's town that he clearly loves this girl. And it's, this is coming from a place of pure desperation. And it's like, by the way, buddy, how's it feel to, this is what most people, you like most of your partner's work, most people have to put up with their partner's bullshit. This is the first time you have to do that.

You know what I mean, Brandon, how do girls react when they see your standup? Come on. Maybe we need some of Brandon's ex-girlfriends to call this guy. It's a, it was the right, it was looking at me. What do you want? You only just leave that. You only just leave that. Yeah. No, I do think it's hard. I do think if you hate, it's difficult.

The creative output of what, like the person they are fucking yeah, yeah, if they if you hate what they're What they tough create it you can't it seems like a full stop. Yeah, well, I mean it depends like how how important is this band to this? right like Now you can always nudge her I mean look you got to be supportive you she got engaged to her, right? So you gotta be kind of supportive. Is that screenplay? Like that's what I'm saying is like, oh my god, that's great. I was just reading over that, that's so good.

You should, like we have band practice. I think this can't wait. I think you need to start, you need to start sneaking in, like de-untuning her ukulele I'm guessing. You need to like, you fuck up their her instruments. If you really wanna get crazy, who's her partner? Cut their break line.

Yeah. Kill the partner. Kill the bass player or the accord. I'm gonna guess accordion in ukulele. It's some twee bulshit that she's in. Just like fucking sniping. You just do it. Yeah.

Just four little strings popping out. They're like doing like a covered, like, I'm like, hey, what's up, hello? Yeah. Oh my God, that fucked it. The white girl covering a rap song with a ukulele arrow good Yeah, they were they were doing their thing in 2010 really were they have Carmen as a musical guest on saturday night life

Get the fuck out of here. It was it was actually it was Zoe De Chanel host Carmen musical guest Oh, oh fucking high watermark for annoying bitches everywhere Dude that I think that lady has now become an annoying rapper the Carmen Carmen. Let's check out I think she's understood that I will give her credit. She fully understands the internet. Okay K.A.R. M.I.N Yeah, anyway, it doesn't matter that much Oh, this you really got a you got I mean I am you have better instincts about what to about what the fuck oh? Yeah, 2011 yeah, look at me now the first brown

Look at me now Brutal it's just she she raps. I think she now I think cuz I on my algorithm like I was like who's this annoying like You know you know the way like People will do like music to become tickto. Where it's like I'm a boss bitch. I don't, I don't, they're trying to like reverse engineering. Like the way the way like Megan Trader had that horrible sound mother. Every song that's like A, B, C, D.

But it's just like they're saying buzzwords like mansplaining. Yeah, yeah. Sit down little bull. It's a woman's world. There's some gay shit like that. Yeah. Anyway, I was like who is this horrific, you know, I'm a boss bitch, like just like, you know,

what, just the whitest woman you've ever seen trying to, like, you know, stealing black culture and making it palatable for other bitches to use on their TikToks. And I'm pretty sure it's the lady from Carmen is now, look at KVEN Herbiebie is that what it says yeah yeah yeah queen yes dude exactly yeah look queen herbie I mean queen oh I mean just we herb-rocious dude I mean look at that look how she looks now it's queen herbie it's Carmen dude it's the bitch from Carmen. No way, go down, go down.

She's so horrible. Oh my God. Dude, it's fucking a sugar daddy. Oh, that's crazy. Sugar daddy is one of the saw in 2020 and the height of like talking about sugar babies. B-D-E, big dick energy in 2019. Juice, thank goddess.

I mean, these are like, she figured out, she figured she figured out she figured it out. She's Yeah, she's a genius, but her artistic output is so horrendous. It's fucking Queen, Queen Herb. It's like, shut the fuck up. Queen with the- You're a fucking novel the YouTube act and now you're stealing fucking black people's culture because you realize that's what's cool, not, you know, because you're stealing with a ukulele. Right. didn't work Now you have to become a rapper, but she's got a shoday in the 90s

Buster rhymes That fucking Disgusting anyway her 50 p. But I would fuck her her I will with all the like she all the looks so like I would like I would what can I say at what point I mean I don't respect it doesn't mean I have to respect the person I have to say it's so the trailer for this I remember you're like I listened to I to the trailer came out of for the show. Yeah, yeah. To the podcast.

Yeah, you're like, yeah, like, yeah, I got a, I got a fuck bitches without a condom. Like, I'm sober. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a new, I'm like, what the sandwich? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sam got me on that one, I don't know, that was very funny. He's like, he's like, you know, I'm sober now.

But she is so smart at a set. I mean, again, I will give this lady credit. She's a genius when it comes to aesthetics and things that will go that the algorithm will eat up. But it's standing what these people want. But it is, it's like, she is worse than, this is what AI should just learn. Like AI should pay her to write it.

Because it's like, she has figured it out Congratulations Anyway, oh yeah, what are we talking about horrible guys? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah So it's just distracted so yeah, you have to like or like what's something that ruined somebody's voice? Like again, don't you to do it to her, but do it to her partner. You know what I mean?

Like, is there like a compound or something like that? Blow cigarette smoke into a, into a shit. Start smoking in your home. Start smoking your home. Look, this guy says she's accomplished, but like, she sounds all over the place. It sounds like Marney from Girls or something. It's very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very. Oh, she's under queen her, queen her.

Yeah. Yeah, I think you just have to hope it's a phase. And look, man, we all, you know, I'm trying to think if I've ever had to pretend I was interested in something. But now with somebody I love, like maybe when I'm trying to get pussy all put on my life something in the beginning,

although not so much anymore. I mean, that face in my life is over. But when you're like, when you're like younger, you have to be like, oh yeah, no, this is fucking, I love Regina Spector or whatever the fuck. Yeah. I mean, she's fine, but I don't have. I didn't actually listen to it.

I would pretend to. This is amazing. Oh yeah, it's like I listen to little Wayne until like, I listen to nothing but little Wayne until like two years ago. Anyway, so yeah, you think she's talented in Archie in general, let this run its course hopefully and then if not, if it's still around,

sabotage the band at every turn. You know? Yeah, when she starts being like, oh yeah, I think I'm gonna skip this audition. I really wanna double down on this this audition. I really want to Double down on this music stuff. That's when you need to intervene. Yeah, until it affects what she's actually good at when you support Yeah, yeah, good call. This next question buddy boy All right I just told him that he did not give you enough information.

I'll try to do it short because I know you like that. She is a 33 year old person. She has recently started like dabbling on dating sites. She has been seeing a guy for a couple of days. They changed their Insta information. I for a couple of days they change their information and like all he follows is like giant titty like a fantasy camp not here to judge but she happens to be a giant titty girl and I'm worried that her first sexual experience is going to be like somebody like fetishizing her and I'm going to go ahead and say that if she's never like given a blow

each day she's probably not going to like choke somebody out with her titties. So any advice you can give is awesome. Thank you. Yeah. If she's a 33 like yeah and his thing is like giant first of all to be so in the big tits that you make it a fetish is crazy. Yeah. Because I thought I think I'm pretty close to that. Right. But to, to, like, want to be choked. That's a really funny fetish thing.

Yeah, it's like dude. Oh, my fetish is big boob. Yeah, it's like, come on man. Just, yeah. I mean, yeah, they're awesome, but don't make it a, don't make it this crazy thing. Yeah, I've got a boob. Damn, how did she make it 33 years of those big ass t- That's somethings, oh the Matthew Matthews.

Oh, I mean, that's, there's no, I mean, yeah, let me see her face. Yeah, why are you saying that? Yeah, no, no, no, she's probably just like, who knows. No, maybe she's modest or she was raised religious? It can happen, the, absolutely that can happen. Especially with like, I also feel like if you're like a woman who's like, just like, guys are scared, they'll never have sex, but women are scared that sex will be like horrible or bad.

And if that's, if you're like an attractive one with big, especially if you have big ass titties, that you've been sexualized since you were like 11, probably, you probably just completely take yourself out of any Possibly sexual situation which is my guess here. I mean, I yeah, and city sweetie probably a virgin On changing 100% dude, they're so right about that. Um, thanks man But yeah, I think you're right.

I think you are, I'm of two minds here, right? Because on one hand, if you're 33 year old version, it is almost like just get it over with it. It's not. But now with this guy, it ain't gonna be, you're not, it's not gonna happen on your wedding day, right? You almost have to like devalue,

like you've built this thing up that, let's be honest, it's not, doesn't mean shit. Who can't go for you to get married? Before, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That push has been on the shelf too long. It's like, you know when you go to Marshalls and they're selling holiday candies in July? It's like, yeah, I'll eat them,

but I ain't fucking putting them out for guests. You know what I mean? I'm not showing these off. I'm eating these in my car. That's kind of what your pussy's like. Some stale peppermints on a hot August day. But the ship of like building up your virginity is like something that, you know, it's honest, let's be honest. It's meaningless at this point, you know? What are the odds that she is going, like I don't even know if that's something she's interested in.

We're just assuming she is for religious reasons. But on one hand, I'm like just get it over with and maybe this guy will be an an enthusiastic but at the same time it's like, fuck this pervert. But at the same time, it's one of those things where it's like if you're a virgin and you tell someone you're a virgin and they're excited, you shouldn't fuck them. Yeah. That's kind of weird.

It's almost like how cops, no one should be allowed to be a cop that wants to be a cop. Right. No one who really wants to fuck a urgency should ever get the fuck away. You know what I mean? It's like weird that you're thinking of it in those terms. So, I don't know. She should, she should.

Now look, she should, she should have fun with this guy. She said they've gone on a couple dates. Yeah. Like, here's the other thing. We can all look at stuff and not be complete. He follows them, it is weird though. Following these kind of tough. It's one thing if you're like going through his likes,

I don't even know if you could do that anymore and then it's a great love. I don't think you can. Following multiple big titty account. Yeah, look, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you, I don't follow some ladies with huge tits on Instagram. Of course, but they're individuals. Right, they're not fetish accounts.

Yeah, they're not just like... But also, what does she mean fetish account? Is he just following TikToks where girls are doing that thing where they're like wearing a sweater and then they're like, and they bounce in their huge tips and a little bit teeny? Do you count that as a fetish? Or is it like... If it's like an aggregator of said videos and like the account is called like at the TD zone

or whatever, like. I would you count that as a fetish shot? I don't know if I would personally. If it's a girl with big ass titties, you never heard of, was like posting shit from Italy and you do some digging, it's only fans. It's like, that's one thing, but yeah. If it's like an account with like red head big tits

or something like. We're all, oh yeah. I think we're being pretty judgmental here. If, if it, when she says fetish, I guess what I'm thinking of is like some anime, you know, there's like weird plastic, huge tits. And like a guy, like some little guy's like, oh, you know, it's like anime or it's like,

but if it's just regular women with big ass titties, and he's destroying a city. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not destroying a city's infrastructure. If they're just, I would say even an aggregated feed of like, you know, only fans' girls' TikToks. That's fine. I think that that's also like, I don't know, I do think

that it's like, yeah, I don't know, if a guy's following like, I don't know, I do think that it's like, yeah, I don't know, if a guy's following like, it's if it's individuals and like, these are girls that follow him, that guy, it's probably a cool guy. It's a guy who's fucked those ladies. Yeah, I don't think that's what's going on here. But that's not what you're worried about at all. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like has to know it on some level that he sucks and he's weird but yeah maybe she is like

let's fuck it this looks easy enough. Yeah, let's get exactly. Let me throw that highman away. Exactly. Talks that highman in the fucking garbage first. No question. Put it in the dumpster. But I guess okay, if he's a guy who happens to... If what you're describing is fetish accounts, it's just big-titted ladies kind of flopping their tits up and down in bikinis, that's not a fetish account, right? Maybe he shouldn't follow that many, maybe it's a little off-putting, I understand that, but she's not marrying the guy,

and if the dates have been good and he seems normal, then that's no big deal. But if they are the weird Godzilla titties or like something, there's a pussy instead of nipples and there's a guy fucking the pussy, flashlight, tittie-pussies. Okay, fine, he shouldn't be it. So as long as it's within the realm of just liking

the body type of your, now okay, you're like, wait a second, he might just want to use it for her body. Come on, what the fuck are we talking about here? You're not the virgin lady, you know what the fuck goes on in the real world, right? So yeah, he might just want a fucker, and maybe your friend just wants to get fucked and toss the fucking hymen in the trash.

Who knows? But if I would say, if the fetish content is just big-titty ladies, that she likes him on the dates Then she's gonna have to like, you know Fuck sometime so if he's good enough, but You know if she also just wants to see him and also see other people in a non without having sex and just go on dates And see if she hits it off with somebody else. She wants the if she wants to wait a little longer I don't I don't see it as the end of the world either.

It's really up to her, it's not up to you. This also feels a little bit like the friends, because she said her husband called in. So it's like, this feels a little bit like, they're looking at her, almost like they're hurt. She's hurt, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're project. Like their daughter, you know,

it's their protective of her. She's like, you know, that she doesn't, they don't want her to get hurt. She's gonna get hurt. Like that's how the world works, okay? I love the tell you she's gonna fuck one guy. There's gonna be awesome. She's gonna bust all the time and they're gonna be in love.

And it was all the way, the weight was worth it. That ain't how the fucking world works. There's gonna be some dickhead she comes up against. In fact, it's almost nice that this, what's weird about this guy is that he likes big tits. Because if he was a real freak, he would just look like fucking normal, and then she find out the hard way. You know what I mean? So, look, she's got a way that, she's ultimately its her decision not yours, and as long as this guy's not too much for freak, she gets the personal green light to suck him off from me. All right. I do want to salute this caller though.

I had the husband's like called cute up. It was a minute and 55. He didn't mention the tits at all. Just gave like no context. So she killed it with his call. Salute to you, lady. I'm living here calling in. Listen to that over here.

This lady is the fuck. 37 seconds. Did she say her name? I want to give her credit. She didn't. But whoever you are with a big-titted friend your art type of caller And listen if your friend wants to you know, maybe fuck somebody for the first time who Doesn't care that she's a virgin just kind of likes it. She has big tits and will eat her pussy for a while She getting contact with eldest. she'll set it up.

Is she a... Yeah. What if... What if you... She looks like Brandon Wurthell. What if you... What if you... What if you...

What if you fuck her for the first time she finds out she's a squirtor? What? Now we're talking. No, we're talking. Now, oh, then it's Kisme. She looks like you as Big Tits and Squirts? That's my wife. Yeah, come on now. Dude, I'm gonna get married to a lady with Big T. She looks like you as Big Tits and Squards. That's my wife. Yeah, come on now.

Dude, I'm gonna get married to a lady with Big Tits and looks like you. That would be awesome. And I just look at you knowingly. I'm like, so you know, Eric is sucked in my dick. And I look at your lips, will I say? Yeah, that was pretty awesome. Yeah, how does that make you feel, bruh? I give you, you're like, my lips are chapped. I'm like, here you go. I give you like lip stick without you realizing it.

Some lip balm. All right. Here's with another one, buddy. Can I pee all this one I have a little bit of a problem. I'm still friends with this guy, but we've been friends for 15, 16 plus years using my wedding. Um, a few months ago, this dude decided that the best choice for his fucking life was to shoot his neighbor in head. What? And I have no clue what I did. He's obviously in prison. I really have to know what happened. This one I was leaves for. It helped the feel like it's reflecting on me like I'm a piece of shit. Oh my god

being this dude's like only friend Kind of a rough position to begin I can't but you know I can't help you know I know that everybody makes their own choices but the same time it is hope people aren't judging you do harshly as this dude was you know hitting on everybody at my wedding and shirt like that. Oh my god. I know he's still a good dude. And I wish I could believe it on drugs or something like that. But the thing is, the last time that I talked to him,

he was getting sober. And I could see it in his eyes. And he just wanted to be there for his kid who is kids What I don't know all right. Oh my god For him that'd be great. Oh, we should wow This is a fake all this guy's a great actor sounds like it was your fault brother oh shit oh my god he was sitting on everybody in my wedding and shit like that so your annoying friend became a murderer who's with children 15 15, 16 plus years. Somebody, like, there'd be like me,

like Brandon killing someone. Which I could see, honestly. The snaps. So, come on. What do you, yeah, what do you, I mean, I don't know what to do. Give me white lotus. So.

So. This is what might, you kill Mike White because he he fucking cast a different half Filipino and white lotus. I saw that guy with the Aubrey. I was, you know. Uh, fuck. Oh, man. Uh, you get passed over as a half Filipino stable boy in the next yellow season of Yellowstone. And you fucking kill Kevin Costner

Holy shit What do you know? I don't know. I like how he's like Well, he's worried that other people are like One friend like you know you know you know how you like we've all had a guy We've had the vouch for yes And he's a kind of a rude right well imagine if he killed someone in cold blood Instead of just drinking all the seltzers and not replacing them, you know what I mean like that's what he's going through right now Yeah

But it's also like look let's be honest. He's like this guy's worried that it's like, you know I can't feel like it's help. I feel like it's reflecting on me. It's like buddy You ain't the fucking victim here. Someone is a dead. And then this guy's got fucking kids. So it is a really funny like first thought. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what it's first thought to jump to was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't want to show you too much. Eventually landed. After man that guy's dead and those kids are father, you know, those kids have to deal with the legacy. This is a black all my legacy. Yeah.

Um, yeah. That is crazy though. That's like if you truly like you killed someone again and someone comes up and you like, so what's L this up to? And I'm like, oh, you know, he's kinda doing this. Me and him Kyle lost touch actually. He's kinda doing his own thing these days. He's been like working out a lot. Yeah.

Oh. He's been reading a lot. He's been reading doing a lot of ass kegels. This kind of literally just happened to some friends of mine. I don't know if I want to get that specific. Oh, what the fuck? But this is the eldest confessional episode. Literally just happened to some friends of mine. I don't know if I want to get that specific The others confessional episode They imagine how bad the other thing is if you should buy the tell us about it. Yeah, this friends are killing someone

Yeah, my friends. Yeah, there's this guy that killed two people on a podcast right now Yeah, wait what what happened? No, I won't get that specific, but some friends I have in like a medium sized US city. And this is a guy who's not under which one. It's not Baltimore. It really isn't, but they have like this acquaintance. They know each other from the music scene kind of, sort of overlapping friends and stuff. They definitely both know each other like two eyes,

but basically this guy literally just a couple days ago, he was like hooked out of his mind apparently on Sunday, and he just randomly shot a guy in the head. Right. This dude was like 33, the guy he shot was like 26. Oh he's just like fucking like murdered him and now you know my buddies are like it's not the same. This guy sounds like he was a lot closer. This is best friend. Yeah. But still it's like you know you're one degree removed. How are they taking it? I mean it's weird like how

do you feel about it like a person know, they said like this guy was always Like a little like he's like a cool guy kind of in the scene, but there's something like weird Or all about it. Well, yeah, I mean this guy. Okay, so for this guy it sounds like I Mean his friends sound like clearly. He was deeply unhappy. Like even the drunk guy hitting on everyone at a wedding, becoming a murderer is like, I know it sounds crazy to make that leap, but it's like, I kinda see it.

He strikes out his life as dog shit. He's trying to get sober for his kids who I'm guessing he didn't have custody of. Right? Like, sounds like one of those fucking situations. And, I mean, look, how it reflects on you doesn't fucking matter. Let's, that's actually a very helpful thing

that relies. I know you worry about it, but it's like, in the grand scheme of things, no, that, no one is fucking, like, it might be a little weird, but it's like, do people really give a fuck about who your friends are as adults Let's be honest. No, right like and the people to do it's like it's a fucking weird tragedy clearly something was off Clearly this is a something you had no control over. This is a mental health issue This is a something issue like

Circumstances in this guy's life let to this, and there's nothing you could have done to stop this. The way it's, like if he had killed someone drunk driving or if he had killed, or if like, you know, somebody he had caused some kind of accident, if just somebody dies, drops dead with a fucking brain tumor, it's a fucking tragedy, and it's like this thing you don't have control over.

Now, it's a little different in that your friend is the one who did something horrible. But it's like, this is not, you had nothing to do with it. You're just like, I can't believe it. I'm flabbergasted. And if you honestly, if you can do anything, I think let's really think of, if you ever have any of this energy

that you wanna put into anything, it's like, help his fucking kids out, bro. Yeah. Yeah, those are the people that are gonna like, you know, or I don't know I don't know who the fuck the victim is but like I don't know if you want to get involved in that way in like any Any kind of restorative just to shit that way, but it's like it's not about how people look at you It's about trying to keep the right if you really love this person This is somebody who you're really good friends with I know it's I all I can the right, if you really love this person, this is somebody who you're really good friends with, I know it's, all I can do again is think about

if I'm in the situation and Elders fucking loses mind, if he has fucking kids, I'm gonna be there for his fucking kids. I do it, you can't take the, pick up pieces. Try it, yeah, exactly, like, or in the wake of any tragedy. Yeah, we're just kinda spin it, is like, yeah, I'm kind of a murderer ally. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's true, that's true. Say that the guy fucked his wife. Or you could flip it again, you could be like, yeah, you could frame this dead guy as a child molester. Yeah, there we go. Yeah, yeah. You wanna go see it? Yeah.

Yeah. He was trying to get his grubby hands on a child's cock and balls. Right, right. And he said either, I mean, either someone shoots me or I fuck this kid. And then your heroic friend stepped in with a fucking AK and fucking turned his, turned his brain into lunch meat. Darn his fucking brain in the Virginia ham. Yeah, dude.

Like, this is... What do you do here though, like, you know, your best friend of like two decades or whatever, fucking snaps and murders someone? Like, what are you thinking? Like, are you gonna go see them in jail? At least try to talk for like a two minutes or yeah? Yes, I think you at least try and see what the fuck happened like again Yeah, it's not like any time someone's done about their best friend

I always think about us in the situation. It's like I literally would see you in jail Like it would be crazy. Yeah, it would be fucked up. Yeah up. But it's just like if any tragedy befell my best friend, that there is collateral damage and different effects for all of it. I have to make sure I'm keeping the Patreon. You know? Yeah.

You're like, Jamel, how long do they let you record in here? You're like, call me collect. We fucked up the hard drive fucked up. We have to redo last week's episode with Danny Brown. And he said he can't call in. So if you know any other cool black guys in jail that could take his spot, see if they can also call collect at the same time.

Because you know, we've kind of got a lot of white guys the last couple of weeks. We could really use a little diversity. He did. Yeah, dude. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you treat like any tragedy and this is a very specific really fucked up tragedy that's more complicated than most, but yeah,

I think you just have to see if you can get inside this head, see what happened, and if he just fucking snapped, and it's really possible that he fucking snapped and made a decision that literally cost him his entire life, and that's fucking tragic as much as it is anything else, and just trying to be there, trying to pick up the pieces as much as possible for his family, who did nothing wrong, his kids specifically. And then, I don't know who the fuck, who the purge, he said he just killed his fucking neighbor.

That's fucking wild, yeah. Yeah, he fucking snapped, bro. Maybe that guy should have fucking turned his music down when he told him, I'll tell you one thing, that kid's son. That guy's son is gonna respect the fucking property. He's gonna keep his lawn mowed. He's gonna keep his lawn mode. He's gonna keep property values high. Yeah, he's putting a fence up for that dog.

He'll be picking his dog shit up from that one. I'll tell you how much. They will put, they will turn down that fucking ranchero music from that one. He's gonna learn how to read that mother fucking sign. Oh fuck that's wild. Good luck. All right. Goodest with another one LD.

Hey, I was a a while, bro. So I've been in the search for therapists and have been on and off with a few, not on and off, but going consistently, but it's just weird, ten times and just start to feel like this person is not interested in what the fuck I'm talking about. Like I swear I've been like in my therapist office and I'll see them just looking at other shit while I'm talking like And my life is fucking On I don't know you sort of feel like damn as much

My question is yeah, how do you break up with this air? Because the one I'm with right now is just kind of fim on my dumb edge. I'm a great relationship. My problem is, it's not my problem. It's just feels like it's kind of a fucking air hit. So I don't know, my key to being a talk about in general It sounds like this is a guy who really has it figured out Seven assertion there, but on and off a few okay, I mean look It's it's definitely is possible that you have a therapist you don't click with right that happens right that happens a lot to a lot of people

so hard to find the right one um... and then there's also situations where you build up a report over time like i've been seeing it you know i've been seeing a therapist i'm moving to new york and at first it was like it's the only person i could afford and they worked with me and like now they know me really well and it's like but there's may is is there maybe aspects of what I prefer from previous therapists?

Right. That maybe in a world where if I wanted to find my absolute perfect match therapist, I would be like, all right, man, this was maybe this is where it's course and I might need to find somebody that can help me out in certain ways maybe. But also like, at this point, I've known the guy for fucking eight years, he knows my shit, he's helped me out with certain things, we have his something. So you can also build if a therapist is good enough

and you're getting something out of just the talk element of it, even if you don't feel super compatible, I think you can kind of build that up over time, just like any kind of physician, any kind of like, you know, expert. So it's, but it is possible that you might not click with them and you might have to break up with a therapist. But if you, you say you have,

this is having you multiple times and that you feel like therapists are not interested in what you have to say, like this, I gotta be honest, it sounds like a you issue. This sounds like you're kind of weirdly insecure about going to therapy. You're like, you feel like they're not paying attention to you, you feel like, you know, I don't know what you're kind of weirdly insecure about going to therapy. You feel like they're not paying attention to you. You feel like, you know, I don't know what you're looking for,

but seven, eight times, you go, I don't know, but it's interesting. He does sound like he wants to be in therapy, but it's someone forcing you to go to therapy. I think the seven, eight times might be like the number of times he's seen this person. Oh, okay. I don't think he's talking about like multiple,

multiple, Oh, I do think that that's enough times with the therapist to know if they're the one. Sure. Or if it's at least worth moving forward. Okay. So look, if it's one, if it's been one person and you've been seeing them while, you could just be like, um, you could just, I mean, look, these are also doctors at the end of the day.

You don't have to break up with your fucking therapist. You could, yeah, you could just be like, have other clients. It's like, I just, you don't even have to say she, you just stop fucking going. You don't, you don't need another, a new complex with your fucking, you don't need to be spending time thinking about

breaking up with your therapist. You need to be, I would say just keep calling in. Yeah, keep calling in, you know, softs, banking episodes right now. Yeah, you need to be in. I would say just keep calling in. Yeah, keep calling in. You know, softs, banking episodes right now. Yeah, yeah. Call back often. You'll get the answers eventually. Subscribe to the Patreon.

Yeah, double the chances if you subscribe to the Patreon for sure. Patreon.com slash.com. The answer might be behind the paywall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We did talk about pedophilia a lot. So we're gonna have to see if YouTube restricts this. You might not be listening right now.

This might be on Patreon. I mean, it would be nice if it is on the main features. Yeah, we'll have to mail on it. We'll put that one on the front one. But yeah, look, it's, you know, just look for a different, yeah, I think if it's the same one, if it's on multiple therapists, if I misread your question, also, you know, your service for a different way. Yeah, I think if it's the same one, if it's not multiple therapists, if I misread your question, also,

you know, your service is atrocious. But then yeah, look, dude, if you've tried it with seven or eight times and you don't feel a connection, or for whatever reason, you should at least feel like there's potential to get this relationship going with your therapist, then you're good to just fucking move on and just, but don't let that be your out.

If you, you seem like you really do want to go to therapy, you want to work on some stuff, it's not your mom, I'm guessing your dad, if it's not your mom, or something, then yeah, keep at it, find somebody new, and you know, but you don't really owe this therapist dog shit. They're, they are a doctor at the end of the day that's trying to help you with something. And if you didn't click, if you didn't click, you don't have to fucking sit there and rehearse a breakup like it's your girlfriend. It's not. In fact, if you're thinking of your therapist that way, that's an issue right there. If you're thinking of her as a, because I've definitely have had therapists where the relationship has not felt clinical.

Or it's felt like a friend. A little melfy, honestly. My therapist, my last therapist for I moved to New York was this fucking hot. She was awesome. She had a nice big ass titties. And I think I was like, I think she was kind of like charmed. Like when you're across a hot woman

and you spend a lot of time with them and you're talking them and you're just, I just think like there is, now obviously this, I'm not saying this, one wanted to fuck me, I don't think that. But I think like she liked me as a person. And I'm like, you know, I'm telling her about all my girl problem.

My problem is when I was 25, we're all girl. And you're clocking every time that you're like killing. Yeah, exactly. Oh, of course, she's laughing. You know what I mean? And she's like, if she does the thing where she's like, I shouldn't have laughed at that kind of, you know what I mean? I she's like, oh, she does the thing where she's like, I shouldn't have laughed at that. You know what I mean? Like, I'm being naughty by laughing at your jokes about.

She kind of casually reveals that she thinks you're her funniest client. Right, right, right, right, right. She rubs my thighs. I see your nipples get hard. That kind of regular stuff. Yeah. But no, no, she was just like a night.

I think we settled into this weird relationship where she was almost like, it felt like you're like older sister's cool friend. We're just like, obviously she's not gonna fuck you, but like she thinks you're like cool. And she just, she basically, at a point in our, at my therapy, she was basically just telling me what to say to girls.

Like it stopped, you know what I mean? It was, and honestly it worked. I was getting pussy big, I shout out to, I won't say her name, but I hope you're doing well out there So yeah find the right relationship find one that feels kind of clinical if you add if you had a Female therapist that didn't work for you me might want to look at a fucking dude my current that my old They're all my old therapists were women and some work better than others

But my current therapist is an old guy and that's kind of a good vibe too. Where it's like you don't feel any sexual tension whatsoever with a fucking old man, where if it's a woman for me anyway, that's always gonna be in the back of my head, like. Yeah, of course. You have to tell them.

You have to tell them that. I didn't tell this, you know. Maybe you do. I don't know. That's what they say you're supposed to do. But that's the thing, or you just get a guy. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like some guy shouldn't have girl there,

but some girl shouldn't have guy therapists. Yeah, you know. When I ended therapy the first time I did it, I told my therapist and she was like, okay, that's fine if you feel that way, but she was like, I think you should come in for like one more meeting, just a recap. You told that you wanted the fucker?

No, no, no, I told her I wanted to like stop working. Oh, that old bitch you were saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was like, okay, that's fine. Then she was like, you know, why don't you come in? We'll do like one more like wrap up session. And maybe he should just tell his therapist how he's feeling. At least they're it out, not be a little pussy or something.

That's a good point. Another session just to say his peace and do knows. That's true. Maybe that could even throttle them to a new level of candor. That's a good point. That's a good point, Elders. You're right, you're right. Because I'm just assuming everything's good, but you might have some weird hangups with this person, you're not even seeing that just speaking frankly

one time might help. I love the idea that you say that to your old therapist and then she comes and she sucks your dick the last time. She's like, that one's on the house. Still thinking about leaving. You're like, no. She's like, there's more where I came from. Big boy. That was definitely not the vibe.

Sure, sure, sure. Let's do one more and we'll end it. We've been going for a while. Hey, man, I am 29 and I just started experiencing getting hard issues for the first time with my girlfriend. I got to say I do have a good pussy eating talent. I've kept their status by this old time, you know. And so I'm thinking about getting on the dick and I don't know. I feel like I'm too young for that shit, but it feels like your whole generation who grew up on porn is experiencing the same thing.

So I don't know. Like how long did it take you to finally bite the bullet? To take the dick. To... to shredding it here. Let me know. finally bite the bullet. Take the death pill. Okay. Let me know. Alright, so what's the promo code? Yeah, no, not yet. Not just yet.

This is tough. 29 with your girlfriend. Now, see, the thing is for me, when I was in a relationship, my dick would get hard from love. Yeah. So, now only when I got even fatter and started having sexual women,

I half didn't even respect, was dick pills really important. Right, you know? Yeah. And also, I'm incredibly unhealthy. Like that's the thing, it's like like the decision was lose a lot of weight or take dig pills and let's be honest. I'm planned to lose weight,

but I'm not gonna not get pussy until, if you want me to not wait for me only, I have to fuck for two years. So I get to a regular weight. I would take two years of nothing but doing that to make my dig work regular. So, I bit the bullet pretty much as soon as dick pills were commercially available to your door, your friend Stavros was signed up.

As soon as you could chew. No, no, no, don't say anything like that. Oh, no, no, no, sorry, sorry. No, you know, no, sorry. No one's getting free advertising here. No one's getting free advertising. Okay, yes, yeah. No, no, no, no. So, but I do, I honestly, I hate to be one of these like, do as I say not as I do type of guys,

but you are pretty young to use dick pills. Elders, you for that reason have stayed away from dick pills, isn't that correct? Even though you have a pathetic penis that barely works half the time. No, my dick gets hard all the time. But also if it doesn't, I don't really give a fuck It's normal. It's natural. There's nothing wrong with it

That's true. That's a great way to look at that's number one for this guy And that you're fucking girlfriend like yeah, let us come on Even even at its hardest. It's best like your dick probably sucks. She doesn't give a fuck She likes you Yeah, in fact if your dick's not getting hard with her, is that the canary and the coal mine is the problems and the relationship? Yeah.

Plus, not getting hard can be the a sign of other health problems. So if you're a otherwise healthy guy, and you fully do still have good feelings for your girlfriend, you know, all that stuff and your dick's not getting hard, it might be worth checking out. Now I- You should be calling Damn Doctors World. That's a great point.

Now, Brandon, your dick doesn't get hard and you're not fat. So what do you think is going on there? I'm a skinny and my dickier heart is hot. You've certainly had a strong heart right now. You've certainly had issues keeping your cock hardies in that so. From time to time. Yeah, I mean sustained stimulant. Sure, sure, sure.

Do you fuck around with the dick pills? I never have. Oh, really? Yeah, I have my name for a special occasion. I never have. I think I did once because I was given a sample. Mm. I was given a sample by an old coworker. Of course. How'd they work?

It was like, oh, it felt like it was like extra hard. Nice. But it did feel like I don't wanna, it felt like a slippery slope. It's a slippery slope. Yeah, like I didn't wanna to develop a dependency on it. Sure. I've been trying to like look at less.

Poor dog. Yeah, that's definitely like. That's a big issue for sure. Yeah. Because you know, you can find horse to do whatever on the internet. I mean, he's like, I think like I want to like look at Instagram list. Of course.

It's like that's like, that's what's important. Absolutely, dude. The workout videos were someone's doing squats or they're doing fucking dead lifts, but you can see the outline of her pussy completely. It's like, there's sheer tights, or it's just like you see a blue pussy

because she's wearing blue top. They're like cut in a way to like highlight the pussy and it's like ostensibly workout content it's like come on what do we do here my dick is hard right now so yeah dude I don't know I do think you're too young honestly now you know if you have to now there's nothing wrong with using the dick pull on a special occasion. You know, when you really want that hard dick, but you can't get addicted to them. Even I'll fuck with my fucked up soft dick, you know, I would say half the time.

My girls like, God, can you never like start using dick pills? I don't want you to like break your dick. And I'm like, no, I won't. I don't plan to them. I'm like, well, I might like one time, just because I want to give you one night of magic. And I'm like, that's all you before. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I tell her after probably, you know,

just surprise her with like, yeah, dude, come on. Some extra, that'd be nice. Yeah. Big, you know, had a stressful like anniversary day, you know, putting, putting some together and say, all right, well, I know this dick, this dick, this dick will put up the dick on autopilot.

Razzies didn't line up. You know. So yeah, good luck with your fucking dick. Figure out if there's anything else wrong with you. I would say use dick pulses to the last. Since we don't have a sponsor, I would say use dick pulses to the last resort. Now, were we to be sponsored? sponsor, I would say use Dick Pulse is the last resort. Now, were we to be sponsored, I would tell you,

pal, I got the answer for you, and I would read off a promo code. But right now, you're getting me in my most honest and not tied to my corporate overlords. But I think that's gonna do for us. Thank you, everyone, Brandon, go see him at the 930 Club. Listen to the Brandon Jamel show. Brandon Jamel show.

Yeah, thank you. Follow him, you know, wherever the fuck on the internet. And, you know, if you have any women that look like him, let him know so that he can have sex with them. Because that's the only way his dick gets hard. Oh. As if the woman is his exact doppelganger. Thanks guys, that's going to do for us.

We'll talk to you next time. Bye-bye. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family

meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding

or justification, get an Airbnb. get an Airbnb.