Stavvy's World - #35 - Mark Normand

Episode Date: July 31, 2023

Mark Normand returns to the pod to to discuss getting recognized in the steam room, holistic jock itch treatments, his new special "Soup to Nuts," and much more. Mark and Stav help callers including a woman who has people she casually dated randomly showing up to events she was at, and a guy whose ex mined their relationship for a book she wrote. Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!  Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at patreon.com/stavvysworld 

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Well, bye, welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 904 800 stuff. Call in, we'll solve your problems. We're back in the studio. Happy to have my boy, Mark Norman in the mix. Mark, welcome back. Second time on the program. Good to be back. I appreciate it.

Yeah, and before we'll get into, we were just on the fully loaded tour. We were having philosophical discussions about certain words that you can and can't say on stage, not the one you're thinking of. There's a lot to cover, but before, why don't you tell the people, we're trying to get this out as soon as possible, special out right now on the... You got that right, soup to nuts, soup to nuts, baby. I don't know if we're supposed to say the end word, because the writer's strike. I'm serious.

So you just say special. Oh, OK. Yeah, yeah. Oh, you're right. Technically, you're not supposed to promote something. So I can say special, because they're the devil right now. Oh, I see.

So you can say special streaming. Oh, special on a big streaming platform. It's streaming with an N. With an N. Big red. That's what a nice hard N. Yeah. The worst N? Big red. Nice hard N. Yeah.

The worst N you could say right now. Exactly. Wow, they came out of the blue. You know, to be of the most offensive N to writers. But yes. They'll let the gramer go. Go find it, figure out where the fuck it is. Goddamn it, I'll just this fucking thing is fucking.

I feel like I hear that plethora really creaking over there. I feel bad for it. Stop me, motherfucker. It's the mic. Let me get in here. Are you fucking prick? A.B. Come on, man.

We had the time off. We couldn't fix the mic arm. This is nice, everyone. Everyone look at El just his taint. Yeah, oh, we're still on. Yeah, we're on We use every part of the buffalo here. I love it. I love it Those thighs are wild

Your balls must be ruined The man shapes Yeah, oh All right Unplugged me in the middle of the podcast Just so you guys know yeah, how about that Jonah Hill huh? I've tried a full time You might have to hold oh wait you got it. He got it nicely done We might cut a little bit of it We don't need every part of it

All right, I won't focus it too much. Anyway, so our friend Mark here, pretty nice, the shape on eldest though, right? Great, Bob. He's definitely got, we've talked about, no, don't give yourself the applause. Beautiful hair as well. He does have a, I will unfortunately have to give him that. Thank you, thank you. He is, he does have, we've discussed it. It's a shame he can't like be a woman. Like, or he can't give birth. He's voluptuous.

He has that, but it's not, you know, I'm around, I'm a rotund man, but I don't have a birthing body. Yes. His hips are out of control. So true. Oh, this has an hour just sag like crazy. Oh, really? I mean, it got this muffin top here.

That's a feel good. But you know, hey, I'll never, I'll never swim with a shirt on or anything like that. No, of course not. You believe in yourself. I want to see it. No, he said on. He'll swim with it all.

Oh good. He showed the titties off. Hell yeah. We're body positive around here. Me and eldest are pretty, me and eldest are pretty inexplicably okay with ourselves and have been for the last 10 years as we fluctuated through.

That's all that matters. Different levels of fatness. It's all perception. It's all about how you feel. Yeah. You've never ever dealt with a chafed thigh before, Mark? Oh, I was a fat kid. Right.

And remember, I skateboarded in the Louisiana heat. Oh, I was a fat kid. Right. And remember I skateboarded in the Louisiana heat. So this was a swampy Katrina. What? Wuhan wet market. It was bad. Did you have any, did you have any like remedies for it? How did you fix it? I found well, I got a, I was a, I hooked up with a soccer player in college. What was his name? Messy. That'd be awesome if just five, three messies. Just give it to you from the back. He's got you, he's got you bent over. He's on some phone books. The greatest of all time is just smashing your whole in college. Anyway, so this girl's fuck is fucking you.

He gave great header. Sorry. So I'm fucking this girl is fucking you gave great header So I'm fucking this girl and she was a really hot lady, but she was a soccer player and she was like kind of a hippie And so there wasn't a ton of washing Intruder's going on and I gave me a yeast infection Well, this knows all about it. Okay, we call it a jacket about it. Okay, we call it a jacket. Yeah, both of you are out of your minds. You both had yeast infections. I didn't know this is pre-internet, so I had to go. I asked a doctor I knew. You didn't go to college? You fucking 1982. 2003? What is this? 2000? 2000? It's about, yeah, 2000, 2001. Okay.

So it's the internet, but it was, I got you. You know, that whole thing. And so you weren't really just WebMD and all day. Sure, sure, sure. So I asked the doctor and he said, oh, you gotta put a culture on it. You need to kill the yeast. So I went out and bought yogurt.

No, you dipped your nuts in yogurt. And it's in a big Costco pink yogurt thing which didn't work at all What if you went to the buy you doctor? Oh you gonna take your notes out Put on me so me yo play boy You gotta get go good yeah, square some go good on your notes boy fruit on the bottom balls on top Squirt some gogo on your nuts for fruit on the bottom balls on top But yeah, I was Shalack it that shit on nothing worked. I was such an idiot, you know, you're like a dumb 20 year old of course And then I eventually found tough act and ten acting ten act then and literally sprayed on and it bubbles

It's and it bubbles, it's searing it all. Like a worst first, you. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And that worked. Wow, interesting. But it is bad down there, you know. I know, it's pretty bad. Tannak, isn't that for feet?

It's a fungus. Wow, it's so hard work. It's all fungi. Athletes foot. Yeah, it's a same thing. You're a dickhead athlete. This, this, this, you, you you fuck a hippie soccer player who's got a pussy so musty. Yeah, you're dick athletes

Wild it eldest you yeah, you had it I've had it several times throughout my 20s Interestingly, I haven't really had it recently. I wonder if my body's just like you Shoulder knows what to do or something. But I had a one time, I had a one time, I went to like the planned parenthood around like Soho or whatever. And I was like really worried, she was like,

He saw you at Herpes. Yeah, I was like, what the fuck is on my dick? And she's like, relax, it's not an SCD, you're good. And then, Great, greatest news on the planet, yeah, but then, but then she's just kind of like, breathed over the fungus and then she, greatest news on the planet, well. Yeah, yeah. But then she just kind of like breezed over the fungus and then she was like,

but listen, your blood pressure is pretty high. Ah! You're pretty fat. Ah! She said I'm overweight, my blood pressure, not healthy. Also, this chart says you're a big gay. Ah! That's awesome, dude.

So fuck her. Did you get it from a musty lady Elders? I don't know if this from a lady I think it was just like I was wearing some tight fucking jeans for how fat I was and it was hot as fucking the city I think that's really what it all comes down to and I'm on cunts Wait, you got it on the penis or just around it when I've gotten it It's been like little dust my educational folks. It's red. Okay. Oh god. Yeah, it'll spread up to the shaft a little bit Cuz it's basically a rash. I had it like under my foreskin You do have a you have a loose sock too.

Yeah. You got, you got a lot, my man's working with a lot of foreskin. Wait a moment. You could get that taken in no problem. I always, I was just like a dirty sock hanging off your foot after a long day. Ha ha ha. You should get a foreskin tuck.

Yeah. You should get a foreskin, it's foreskin no plastic. I can't, man. I'm too true. I know, dude, me neither. You know me, you know me, man. We're onoplasti man, I'm too true. I know do me neither you know me you know me met We out we're on the different spectrums of one circumcise my shit's too tight This is too loose, but we'll but we're both we'll go to our graves with a force one the establishment fears

Besides of the political spectrum Together political swag show loose for skin time for skin finally together Elder's unfurls his for skin it has a plan to assassinate the president of the United States Fuck yeah, that's the next mission impossible. Part two, Tom Cruise has to fight a syndicate of uncircumcised terrorists. And he loses. How good would that be if like at the end of that franchise, Tom Cruise just takes a fat L. He loses.

Oh yeah. That would be all. I always wanted like a big movie to end with like they just completely the hero gets his shit kicked in It's got to happen. Where are we on like 12 of those? It's crazy. This one is what seven or eight and it's part one Damn, I can't wait to see it. I mean, I love those movies and I think Tom Cruise You know really reinvented himself in a cool way sure and had and kept out of Superhero yeah, while also getting to have his own big blockbuster action franchise. It's just crazy about those movies. It's like the first one was directed by fucking the Palma. That was killer. That one's great. I love that. I like all of them.

Even the ones people say two and three are as good. Yeah. I like those too. Oh yeah. And then they kind of just became these huge action movies, but just a little more, I mean, not believe, they're none of them believable, but just I felt like a little more, I kind of gravitate, I'll probably get crucified for this take. I gravitate to those more than the fast and the furious movies. Same.

Even though I like those, those are fun, but they just, there's a little more cringe on those. Some things. Something about them just never, maybe I'm not a car guy. Maybe that's right right because I do think there's I Really take for granted how many people love cars in America. I like them. I just can't I mean they're cool But I just I don't know what it is man. I never like if I've all the money in the world I'd probably get like a really nice like If I have all the money in the world, I'd probably get like a really nice

like a lecture SUV. She don't want to be like, but the Greeks never went the car out. There's no Greek car, is there? Not really. Yeah, I guess an in Greece, all the roads are so fucking tiny. Like in Greece, people are literally driving like,

you know, four cylinder. Yeah, yeah, like the last fiat Pigeaux or all that kind of shit. That very is that is a very American thing What is your what's your fate? What kind of card you really want? I mean, I got a I got a 2002 beamer 1973 It's a cute little yeah, it's fun. It's like my dream car and I finally bought one during the pandemic and Ironically, I'm too scared to drive it It's so pretty and it's in great shape and I just keep it in the garage. And New York is brutal too.

Brutal car, yeah. Brutal, like I'm doing a gig on Long Island. I'm bar on Salah Q's car. And I took, I borrowed his car. I have a car. What the fuck does Salah Q's drive? Oh you got to see this. Look at Jeremy's driving.

He's like you can borrow but it needs an oil change. I was like, oh, no. So I just came to the jiffy Lou, but I found one right by your house. I went to the jiffy Lou, watching cops in the waiting room drinkin' bad coffee. I have a car. And you borrowed your much less successful friend's car.

You didn't rent the car, by the way. That's another norm in special. Yeah, that's true. You didn't rent the car, by the way, that's another Norman special. Yeah, that's true. God forbid you spend $150. You're about to make probably 20 grand. Oh, I don't know. Oh, no.

There you go. There you go. It's been 60 on the trophy, Louis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what, this one can't be without, because you did kind of do him a favor too. And I'm going to fill it up on the way. Yeah.

Yeah. In fact, it would've been cheaper to rent the car. I know, probably right, but I mean for 80 or something. It's like a three hour drive. Anyway, what are you gonna do? You're gonna learn. But you got a great, I saw the whole neighborhood, I walked around.

Yeah, no, it's a great neighborhood, I love it here, man. That's why I was like, you need anything that was code for like, can I come early? Oh my bad. No, no, I just a great neighborhood. I love it here, man. That's why I was like, you need anything that was code for like, can I come early? Oh my bad. No, no, I just- You could have come early. We, Elders actually got here on time. I was shocked, even a little early.

I almost tried to buy Prove and Chicken for you, but I couldn't find it. Dude, I'll tell you where it is. Oh yeah, last time we had, we had a great place. Won't say the name because it's not no free promo, which is I don't want people. I've already been spotted there a couple times. Oh yeah. There's nothing worse when you're just stoned. Oh

I've had a tough like week all I want is to be like I'm giving into all my addictions today Yes, and I'm gonna get fucked up and I'm going to eat you know a half a chicken And fucking three ribs. Yes with some fried rice on the side. Yeah. And then some guys like, Oh, stop. Right.

And I'm just gone out of my mind and I'm just like shaking. I want this chicken so bad. Yes, yes. And I have to pretend like I'm a, I'm like stripped to my core as an animal. Right. Where all I want is to like just fucking devour this chicken. Beat off.

But you know. Yeah, but if you just said dude, I gotta go eat this chicken, he would be like, of course, just like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know what? You know what? You're trying to chug in a beer, like, well, I got to see the most him thing.

Maybe that's what it is. I hate, I hate, I hate for them to see me like, laid bare like that. It's one thing, I love getting run into it the gym. Are you kidding me? I love people having a, you know, he love getting run into at the gym. Are you kidding me? I love people having a, you know, he's actually saw him at the gym. That's where I want to be fucking spotted. You know what I mean? I don't want to be spotted doing the exact, like, because we were just

talking about, off mic, we're talking about how like sometimes it's like a persona and all this stuff. It's like, I don't want to be spotted where it's like, whoa, maybe it's even worse than he lets on. And that, when I go to that place, because you also have to pick it up. Usually when you're in a fucking, when you're ready to go, when you're ready to give into your addictions, you order seamless, you know what I mean?

You text a drug dealer. You don't have to go outside. But this place is, no, there's no delivery. So they force you to go make a what you know make a walk and that you know I'm vulnerable there, so I won't say it, but yeah, we had some chicken last time. Yeah, well the fan interactions tough because it's always I love the fans And I don't want to sound ungrateful, but it's always a tad long You know they go on dude. I'm a huge fan listen to the pop. Love your comedy to go. Thank you man And that should be it.

But there's always like the, or a picture. Yeah, pictures, great. I actually love a picture because there's a definitive, here's what we're doing. I love the picture. Two back and forth, a snap, thanks brother. Yeah.

You're the man and I love that stuff, but yes, there's, sometimes if it becomes like a walkin' talk. Yeah, all the walkin' talk. Talkin' stuff. Where you happen to be going the same way and then you have to turn a corner, pretend if you're walking a different way. Right, exactly.

But the best is a bike ride, you get the guy like, fair ass goal. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's nice. Yeah, I love a honk. Have you ever been caught in like an embarrassing place that's been like, been seen somewhere you're like, uh, geez, I guess not really, Have you ever been caught in an embarrassing place? Been seen somewhere, you're like, uh.

Uh, geez, I guess not really. It's more like a line or a line or a light with a guy and you're both going the same way. Airport is tough. Airport is tough. Airport lounge, because you're really over there. Airport lounge, really.

I'm like, I'm gonna eat every meatball. Yes, yes, yes. Every meatball, I'm going to the open bar. I'm getting bloody marries and I'm just gonna sit here. I'm gonna I'm gonna have a ride there. Yeah, I'm going. You know, I'm a ride in Denver and I'm hitting the bar. And then there's a guy like, dude, I'm gonna bloody marry too. What do we do it? And then this is my favorite when you go, uh, they go, I'm a huge fan.

You go, I got a show tonight to go, yeah, I gotta get out of here. Now the airport's another good one, because that's, you're an animal in the airport. An animal, once I got recognized at the steam in a steam room in Montana. Oh, Montana. And the guy goes, I don't know my glasses on, but you sound like this comedian, and I go, yeah, yeah.

And he's like, I don't know the guy, but you don't look like him, but you sound like him, and he's like I don't know the guy but I don't you don't look like him He sounds like him and he's super annoying Yeah, you let him finish blowing you and then you left This tastes like what I imagine Mark Norman's penis to taste like. I don't have my glasses on though. It tastes like yeast. Yeah. Somebody pop up in a crescenter old.

So you got souped nuts coming out on the big end. Oh yeah. Go watch that folks on your streamers. Check it out. Record that in Chicago, right? Chicago, McTierter. We were at the Vic, I think maybe like a week after. Oh great. He was like, he recorded it.

Great, great. I mean, obviously haven't seen it. We're recording this before, it's out, and when this comes out, it'll be out. I haven't seen it, but the trailer, you guys made that place awesome, dude. Oh, thanks, man. I appreciate it. Love the background. Love the little tinsel, love the, you know, a little texture to it.

I saw a music video. Oh, it's gonna escape me the name. It's this like kind of black bluesy band, and it was such a cool look. And I said, I want that, like that kind of gritty 70s taxi driver look with the tinsel and all that, and they fucking nailed it. That's awesome, yeah. That's fucking, I love Chicago. Why'd you do Chicago? Well, I'm such a road psycho that I blew out all my markets Chicago it's such a great comedy town. So I was like, let's try there and we sold out for but I'm the only

Tard who booked it on St. Paddy's day River's green I show up. I think I dude. I think I on purpose was offered that date and didn't take it. It sounds like St. Patrick's Day. What kind of dickhead would you do this? And then you recorded your special on it. I mean, drunk, heckle, fist fight. I saw a couple breaking up, a guy almost on the balcony, the cops took a guy out at one point, and that was show one. Yeah, it was so, it was a total.

I did four, thank God. You recorded all four? Yeah, we got it on the last one. The other three were almost worthless. That's hysterical. Oh, that's brutal. So we got some behind the scenes and maybe like, fuck you, man, it's my specialty.

You're not a sharp because you're like, this is all I have. And then they're like, hey, you're homo, and I'm like, I got nothing. Well, quiet down, Cal. Yeah. All right. I, this cost a lot of money. Yeah, exactly.

Uh, yeah, dude. No, that's, that, that, I mean, that town is a pretty drunk town in general, but say, in the Atrix day. Even though they don't have that many Irish, I don't think. No, I think they're there. I think they're there, yeah. I just figure everyone in Chicago is just like, I mean, I guess they claim their Irish. Right.

But it's everyone's like, I just feel like everyone's like Polish and German and that kind of thing. I never got these people get really into their ethnicity. Yeah, yeah. That's it. Well, I mean, I actually don't like when someone's been here for like,

someone's family's been here for like six generations. Right. Or four generations, whatever. And it's like, you don't speak the language. If you went back, if you went back to this country, how would you be perceived? I think it's the big, that's great. That's the big determining factor for me.

Because none of those motherfuckers, one of those guys goes to Italy. Yeah. Like that episode of the Pranus, where they go back to Italy is fucking, and they're all making fun of Pauli. Yeah. Yeah, it's for gravy and they're like, the fuck are you? It's like meeting a wigger.

Yeah, it's the last thing right? Come on, what are you doing? No one talks like that. Yeah, anyway. So true. Now they always take their good parts, you know, they're like, well, you know, I'm Italian or I'm Spanish, so I'm feisty or I'm passionate. You never take the, they're not like, I hit my wife because I'm Italian.

Yeah, it's always the good. I want to have sex with my mother, I'm feisty or I'm passionate. You never take the, they're like, I hit my wife because I'm a talent. Yeah, it's always the good. I wanna have sex with my mother, I'm a talent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and also I'm, by the way, enough with the talents. I'm just, they've milked it. I'm gonna take.

If they don't have Scorsese, they're fucked. They got fucking nothing. The Godfather is a good movie, but it's not, it's actually not very realistic to how the mafia actually worked, and it wasn't actually like, like Mario Puzzo was just like, he was right, like that, I haven't read the book, people say the book's not, it's one of the rare times where the movie blows the book out of the little reader.

Oh, the book is a huge hit. It was a huge out of the little reader. The book was a huge hit. It was a huge hit, but it was like, it was a huge hit and when there was no fucking television. It was a huge hit back when a novel, essentially popcorn novel, even that for a sentence, the book was a hit. Imagine saying that about anything today. You know what I mean? It's like,

the last one you can say that about literally what Harry Potter. Harry Potter, yeah. You know, it's like we're done and that was children's stuff. So, but yeah, they don't have scores, Aisy. And I love the sopranos too, but it's just like, stop. You're fucking white people. You're a regular ass type of guy.

There's nothing that special about being fucking Italian. Well, you were fucking criminals. Well, they have. You were fucking criminals. Yes. Okay, the best thing was you were criminals, but guess what? You're not a fucking criminal. First of all, those people are abhorrent people that suck their community dry like fucking vampires

with oil in their hair. True. And also, you don't have the guts to be that guy. You pretend now this generation of like you don't you talk Worse nobody they put on accents now, and it's like it's this whole like you're not not that interesting Yeah, except for Scorsese and and the sopranos no good art has come from Italians It did I mean you know you had Michelangelo Yeah, yeah, nothing new all that, and you had the great stuff.

But yeah, nothing new, really. And especially not Americans. Yeah, no American Italians. Again, other than Marns' Goose Jazee, complete pass, the God. I love that. And you got your De Niro's and your Puccinos. Sure actors, yeah.

But you know what I'm saying, it's just like, well, they had Edge because they were discriminated against. Like, you know, like Frank Sinatra's dad had to call his borrow conners. Cause you could call it Sinatra's. But that's a great point though. When was that?

Frank Sinatra's dad. 40. Like that's 30. Frank Sinatra long dead. His father dealt with it. So that's the other thing. Shut the fuck up, you dirty. And just, let's bleep whatever I was about to say.

So you dirty. And then hit me with a beep, eldest. I'm not, I don't want to get taken off. That's the other thing. Italians would be the type to get somehow, they would say it's hate speech against their race. Yeah. If I said a couple of the words that are dancing

on my tongue right now, and I will not, and I will not. You're like a ****. But also the weird thing about Italians is is like I'm a half Sicilian. I don't give a shit, but like They started the Italian. What was that defamation league? Yeah, anti-antitallian defamation. Yeah, because they kept being called the mobsters and mobs and all that They started the mafia literally started. They started it. I forgot the guy's name He got assassinated he got killed in Central Park. I think yeah, he actually hated the godfather. He was trying to get it Yes, yes, yes, and so they kill or he started this league and you're like

This is the coolest thing about you guys Make this bad, you know, it's like being like in the NAACP I mean we got gotta stop these rappers. The rappers are awesome. Yeah, the rappers, everybody loves it. But they wanted to stop. Also, it wasn't like a nice old lady who was like, at least she's in half the my color, Chad.

Yes, you know what I mean? It was the criminal doing it. So it's like, you just don't want your shit. And also, and this is, I gotta do a little more research. I gotta have somebody I gotta have like Mateo and Dostephano on at the same time to really do like a Fuck Italy type of thing. Yeah, Dostephano is actually the perfect example first of all. He's German Look at that guy. He's a fucking crowd But German's got no flavor. I know it's like, are you going to do it? Yeah, that's not a sexy thing.

But I also was reading something about how, like, and I'm gonna do more research to really, this is raw people, all right? You're getting the fucking Italians take when I haven't really cooked it. I haven't really let the sauce stay on the pan all day. Yeah. To use some parlance, you fucking idiots might understand. I haven't caramelized the onions yet. But I was reading something about how that,

there are even their food culture is like, almost a complete like fabrication of like, the last 50, 60 years. Like there's not all that shit of like, you know, chicken parmol, it's all like American fake bullshit. Like there is no, in the old country, like we were, you know, making sauce for fucking eight out. Like, you know.

That's not a, that wasn't a thing there. And I read one thing, one second on Twitter, and I am going with it. You are all frauds. And look, I know the thing too. Like Greek people, Greek food, like I have a bit on the new special that comes out, uh, that comes out on a, on a streamer that will not be named later in November, December, but I have a bit about, um, how Greeks really are, we're

pretty much Arabs. Like we're much closer Arabs than we are anything else really if you think about it Yeah, because like I and I don't want to step you know, I don't want to ruin the bitter whatever, but Whatever it doesn't matter. I basically the point is I think Greeks only considered white because white people want to claim ancient Greece Yes, but like are look at our food like that's a defining characteristic like Greek food It's pretty like everyone eats it's peeders and skewers. Yeah, hummusy stuff that white stuff. Yeah, we have we have Zaziki, which is like a yogurt base. Yeah, we don't really fuck with hummus actually, but we have like our own like eggplant dip, fish, fish row dip, yogurt dip, all that stuff.

And I'm admitting like you have to realize, that's kind of because we were taken over by the fucking Ottoman Empire. And like, for a huge chunk of our history, we were under, like, Turkish rule. And that's why, like, the best Greek, one of the best Greek foods, a yirah is pork. And we just got, that was the only fucking thing,

a Muslims would need pork. So they would let their fucking Christian, like, we weren't slaves, that's another great thing, Greek people, like say like, hey, we were slaves too, we should be able to say it. You know, like, I've had so many Greek people say that shit, but anyway, there's, my point is just like, no one is actually as cool as they think they are. Everyone who clings under their like identity, it's like, it's all mythology and it's all fake. And Italians are getting away with it

way too much in my opinion. Yeah, they're milk on the shit. There's four awesome movies, three awesome movies in a TV show, and those cock suckers are think they're set for life. And it's like, I wanna see something new. I'm tired of it, fuck Italy. No, actually Italy's cool, fuck fuck Italian American fuck Italian American pizza helped

I'm out to them and hold on a pizza like it's And they don't have it the way we have it here. That's another thing. Yeah, I had it over there I went to Rome and I was like But that's how I went to China ones too, and I was like let me get the real authentic Chinese food And weird I'm like what's that they're like that's ox dick Oh, yeah, I'm gonna General says I created like St. Louis or something. There's no way there's no way of fucking some Chinese guy. They'll never leave his province. Yeah, it's never heard of general

So no, there's one that was made in Springfield, Missouri that you land there like we're the home of something chicken. Oh, well some Chinese chicken sour problem. Some like that. Yeah, that weird super fried shit that Eldis likes with that fucking red ass sauce. That basically pink sauce. Yeah, it's disgusting. It looks like Ectoplast. It looks radioactive. Yeah, it looks like the alien, the xenomorph. It looks like if it's pussy gets wet.

That's what it secretes. It's like green is their blood. Bright red is their pussy juice. It must have been a weird killing. Anyway, but yeah, dude, anyway, fuck it, Ali, and we'll move on. We also just got, we should talk about, we just got back from fully loaded, too, which is fucking. Oh, dude, I was fried. So fucked up. My body hurts. Yeah. My body is in fucking full pain. That's the thing, it's the best time,

but it takes a year off your life. We slip and slide. I mean, you fucked me up with the nuts shot. Yeah, I got you. That was my best comedic moment is they were pouring ice all over Mark to do like a, oh, isn't this crazy video? Yeah. And I just had a Nerf football in my hand and Mark's like,

ah, and I just nail him in the nuts. And the thing, like, people have like, you know, taken a joke or they've, they've taken post and some of my shit without, you know, whatever. The thing I felt the worst about was not being in that, like I wanna just, a pan over to me dying. Cause I don't think I get credit for, I really nailed Mark right in the ball

But it's that's how it's it's I'm law it's lost to history, but you have to be in the video That's crazy, you know, it was it was a spur of the moment It was a spur of the moment no one you I was gonna hit you in the nuts You got no credit It was my favorite moment of the tour was nailing the balls so fun But it was great, but yeah, I was fucking if America's funny some videos was around we would have gotten the winning It was too perfect because I was all jacked up from the cold water and I had no Protection like I had no defense. You see something coming. You're like whoa

Yeah, it was wide open. It was like the star wars scene You nailed it right in that hole it felt so good it connected so nice. Oh, I was out for 30 minutes We did a lot of shrooms a lot of shrooms on the river. Yeah, that was a good fucking time man, but yeah, I feel so So fucked up. I flew I saw you missed your flight. I did don't even yeah We were good. That was tough the bus the bus just didn't get there on time Yeah, they couldn't we're just chilling. I know it was some different place for hours. Yeah, and then we do It was bad. What are you gonna do? I made mine and I flew right to Nashville Well, I'm on like an hour and a half sleep or whatever

And I did Theo's pots. So Theo's all like gang gang, you jumping out the wall. Yeah. Dude, I'm like, yeah man. Dude, having the idea of doing a podcast the next day, brutal is one of the worst things. I mean, it was hell. I mean, missing my flight was brutal,

but like a full, I literally just went into a hotel and slept for 20 hours. So jealous. Like I kinda, in a weird way, needed that. Of course. But I, no, don't get me wrong, I would have preferred to just pass out on the, but literally my stomach was hurting like a baby, though. Like that's the problem with that tour,

it's like not only are you hung over, but every snack you can possibly conceive of is on the bus or available to you. Of course, of course. So I was starting to, like, I you hung over, but every snack you can possibly conceive of is on the bus or available to you. Of course. So I was starting to, like, I was hung over, but the more, the most damage I did was just eating two, like, like a little kid that gets to go, like, this is having me every time. This is just to tell you who I am. Uh-huh. The worst stomach aches I ever got in my life was the first time I would,

I was allowed to go to like a wedding or a baptist of this little kid and your parents are, you know, having a couple cocktails, they're not paying attention. I would literally be a fat like seven year old. Yeah. Having every dessert drink it, guzzling, Shirley temples. Oh yeah. Asking for extra maraschino cherries, you know, and just,

I remember being on the bathroom at seven years old and being like oh and praying to God. Yeah. Please God. I've learned my lesson. I will never overeat again. Oh man. We got to get this a fat girl crying. Fat girl. We're gonna help her out. Dude, literally, since the time I was seven years old, that's what would happen to me. And then this shit was like, it was like that where it was like, you have access to anything at any moment. I know.

It's fucked up. Ships, the candy. It's weird to be an effect kid in eating like that because usually you get your drug or your vice later. Right. Like I'm inside rising boost. Ios, I was, you know, 18, 17 or whatever. But you're in there, it's seven.

Seven years old. Yeah. Having the exact substance abuse problems that I have now. Yeah. And getting fucked up in that same way where I was just like, oh, oh, like, it felt like a high. Right.

And then it's just like, you just layer, my whole life has been layering other shit on top of that It's like it's like fetish, you know, it's like that then probably weed yeah, then I mean honestly Booze has never been an issue for me. I will I can even when I was completely sober off weed I would on the road I might have a cocktail or two because it just never was an issue for me But like you go weed then probably Pussy and then pills Which are awesome, but those are the latest in the mix of course

And also they came like at a point where I'll say yeah, I can't do it. Yeah I you when you're like this is one these other things are one thing and they will fuck up my life In the long run totally But this in two years. Yeah. I'll be fucked. Totally. And this feels too awesome. Not a bad idea.

This is like two. I'll just, you know, I was thinking the other day. I love, you know what I love? Mango the fruit. I love its sweet, its delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango, pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad. You know

many times I've gotten sucked off, being like, this is actually one time after I was like want to come back for some fruit salad. And I thought it was smooth and then some girl after she fucking was like, that was so weird. You asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't dry And I didn't I wasn't drinking at the time. Well, they say mangoes are an effort easy, yeah Well, here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango and I've often times I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. Yeah, and I was thinking to myself What if this mango made my dick hard? You know?

I was like, now that would be something else. That'd be awesome. And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game. You know I'm a dick pill evangelist, Eldis. You know I'm an ED, I've tried them all from the gas stations to other services. MangoRx now has a new ED poll that is game changing. Okay?

Taste like mango, my friend. Delicious, just like it. And they have a nice proprietary, because like I said, I've tried them all, Eld. They got a new proprietary formula that combines the active ingredients in Seattle and Viagra with oxytocin known as the love hormone. I've never heard of oxytocin before in my life, but let me tell you this, made my dick harder than ever. We're talking zwing! You know when they take out a sword and it goes, zing!

That's how I felt putting my dick out of the condom. It was like unsheathing my hardcock. It was pure metal. I had some mango Rx, bro. Shining in the light. Yes, one little gleam. One little gleam when I turned my dick a little bit. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first. I don't know, yeah, cause like I said, I've done a bunch of them. And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow. They got all kinds of science shit in here. They're making them taste delicious.

I am so happy. It was the goal of this podcast. Truly, we sort of made a podcast to discover and work within you the innovators on the cutting edge of the heart making your dick hard Science in the field right people who have a beautiful goal. You here's their mission make America hard again Elvis they have you know, let's get can we get? Fucking idiot There you go, sorry.

We tried to give it the applause it deserved, but some asshole wasn't ready to go. And look, make America hard again. I think on, whatever side of the aisle you're on, conservative liberal leftist centrist, you could, we could all use a harder dick. Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks, all this division in the world would go away, eldest.

I think this is such a good product, eldest. I think you might have to change your long standing opinion on ED, medication in general, because look, here's the thing about mango orics. You might not need it, but you're gonna want it, pal. All right? I know I've spoken about it a lot, but I am excited to try this one.

Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor. Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend. The dissolving factor and the yummy taste do make me very impressed. You see me take edible stuff for it. That's sure. Just because you wanted a little dummy.

I'm not aware of a snack because that's so much why I had to get high as well. I've seen you take weed adibles. I've seen you take fiber adibles where you're shitting yourself because you wanted a momentary, a momentary snack. I've seen you take thumbs on an empty stomach just because you wanted the taste and that's how we got elders through the door here with mango Rx.

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I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also

included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Fucking good. What are you talking like? Xanax? Are you talking like Perkis? Xanax and Perkis and just like yeah, that's that's actually the big three. Oh, that's good stuff.

Those are the fucking good ones for me. Yeah, and then you know, but second Alex, I don't really consider yeah We were popping mushrooms like candy. That's easy. That's nothing if anything you'll just have like I literally have Moments of clarity on mushrooms. I'm like, I learn lessons, I've started relationships because of mushrooms, I've been like, this is fucked up, I can't be a part of this because of, like it's just like,

there's so much stuff where I'm like, damn, I'll always have an awesome time, and then I will usually have one minor to major life revelation. Wow, that's great. It's crazy. Yeah. I get all lovey and unnecessarily lovey.

Like I was like, I love your clips man. And I wanted to Bruce Bruce, I got him in a headlock and he said, what's up with you? You didn't even met yet. I was like, oh, sorry, I want to truth. I was like getting his tits together. Yeah. I'm motorboating.

That was awesome. Like Bruce Bruce being on the show with Bruce Bruce and you were you there for Vegas the loose black No, I wish I was lost He's the man. He's the man. He did our podcast and killed it. Yeah. Yeah, he's I No, maybe we you know, maybe on this couch used to say there you go. We're gonna try and he doesn't happen He would do it. No, I think he'll do it. We get we get morocha instead That fucking guy of course My TV too much Like 90s he was everywhere. Yeah, yeah, that was a bit I see gay I

Don't know I just remember I think I found out later that he was gay and I remember feeling like growth because I was like, oh, he is gay, okay. Oh, I didn't even know that. Yeah, I, I, I, exactly, that to me was growth because I was like, I hate this. I was like, because I feel like everyone I grew up with, all the old Greek guys would hate a guy like that

because he's gay and then I was like, hey, I actually don't care that he's gay, he's just a fucking annoying nerd. And I remember being like, maybe progress is possible. Hey, you know what I was like, when I found, I was like in college when I found out he was gay. Yeah.

And I was like, hey, maybe I can be better than the fucking idiots I grew up around. That's the key to progress, just be so much worse than your minority thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Indoosh and Black. Yeah. It does feel good to be making progress.

And then you know, maybe my son won't be homophobic at all. There you go. Good luck. Yeah. Maybe it'll all come back. Like everything comes back around. He like, like, Jew hate kind of came back. Oh, yeah. Unfortunately, I mean, like, Jew hate kind of came back. Oh yeah, unfortunately.

I mean, yeah, we're in a fucked up place where these things where I was like, wait, some of you are Nazis? And you're cool with that? I know. Your grandfather fought in the war. Like, we're not even that far away. You'd think it would take a hundred years. Totally.

Although, I guess to be fair, World War II is what, 1930 something? Now, yeah, late 30s and then, I guess maybe it fair world were to is what not just 1930 something now Yeah late 30s and then I guess maybe it literally isn't been almost a hundred years almost there you go That's fucked up dude. It's all cyclical I'm always swings back which is scary because you see all this people are attacking I mean yeah, it was really annoying when they happened because it's like The with that whole rant I went on about Italians. I used to say that kind of shit to my Jewish friends or it's like, relax, you got it.

Shit's good for you. And then all these fucking, just fucking idiots, anti-Semitic like DeSantis Trump far right, like, you know, Jews will not replace a style guy. And it's like, oh, fuck. I know. And it's like, not only am I scared for what this means for our country But now I got to listen to some of the most annoying people in the world have a legitimate gripe

And they are the best at complaining So now I'm fucked they have a point and they're the best at it. I'm just gonna hear it And you gotta be nice and I'm on their side and I'm annoyed It really puts you in a fucked up position. Yeah, that's though. I think we can all agree that's the worst part of anti-Semitism agreed God damn the bagel arguing we can deal with yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, at a certain point you could be like we'll move from out from away from the vent I'll switch with you if it's that annoying if you're that cold. We'll switch seats, right? You're like portions are small

And it's a point you just tell them to shut the fuck up But when you're like somebody put a bullet hole through my synagogue and you have to be like all right You get seven minutes that I have to listen to this now That old tree joke the Jewish pedophile easy kid not so much candy That's a hundred-year-old. Yeah, that's a classic now folks. That's a classic And that's YouTube. That's what we call satire here on stop is world So please don't you've been demonetizing a lot of our videos love the Please don't we're pro-ju that that bit yeah rosanz on next week

Right we do have to have the competing view. I do one of the Jews are more against you guys with the anators. You know, these two fucking hoods. Do you think that's what it is? I think that factors it, because they're all about the SNP. They are. They really are. I've said the story before on the podcast where you make that joke is like,

oh, only an idiot would think that. But I remember when I had like, you're like, I was having pissing problems and I went to urologist and when I was like, in college or whatever. And whatever, they never really fixed I just pissed all the time now and they're like, hey, this is basically what's gonna happen.

Or they, there was this procedure where they would like would go up your ass and poke your dick hole out or something. And I was like, or you know what it was? There was a procedure they wanted to do where they would put something in your dick, fill your bladder with piss. And then you would just kind of like, you would have to just like, they would like watch you piss. You would just have to like, they would like pump your shit up and they would take all these notes.

And then they would do something where they would like, go through your, and I was like, I'll just piss a lot. Yeah, I'm good. I'll just, I won't drink too much water before a three hour movie for the rest of my life. We're always know where the bathroom is for the rest. I'll sit in the aisle for the rest of my life. Yes.

Instead of having, you know, like, a Jamaican nurse put a pro, a tube up my dick. I heard the same butter they would put a cute tip in your dick hole. That was how you tested for gonorrhea or something. I was like, I've got gonorrhea. I can't do that. My friend, he said the most painful thing he's ever done.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I actually had that happen to me. You did it in college. When I was like, the cute tip? I was just scared that I had gotten like blown and I was like uh what if I have a heath? Hello, it was a gay guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

so how bad was it? It was her, her, her, her, I had, I had one of those two and they feel really so fucked up. You're like, you're like, well you know, and you get a shot shot with a needle It's kind of fucked up, but whatever this was one of the We don't forget that feeling and it's like out. It's a split second and they don't even go that deep They just go like I'm feeling it right now Cute to put my dick fucked up. Yeah, it's funny that on the package like don't put these in your ears like no No, don't put them in your dick

Put my ears every day Fuck anyway, I thought I feel like I was making some point but who gives a fuck Anyway, there's gonna be a bunch of angry Italians at your show Come see me you fucking dirty Well, I just kind of I I do feel it from like a Greek standpoint, too, where I'm just like, you know, we're, and I used to have a joke that was Gary Goldman had a great joke, and I was like, I had a joke that was kind of similar to that, so I cut it, I never did it, but it is, I didn't do it on a special or anything, but it was the thing of like, guys, come on,

how long are we gonna hold on to fucking Ancient Greece? Who the heck are we fucking? It's been a fucking while. Right, right. But I do love, I mean, that's the other thing, there's, that's what I mean about a talent. It's like, there's great shit about your country,

but it's not, it's not your fucking great uncle who shook down a laundromat, who like didn't, was too stupid to get a fucking job. So he beat up like, you know, it's like, it's like, the movie was a bunch of fucking, you know, you know what, I'm not gonna, it's over. It's all of Garden. It's all Garden.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or go to Italy, it's beautiful. Or go to Italy, look at this. This is Greece, it's fucking awesome. Yeah, you know. I like going that. And you know what, their history is interesting, but that can be a part, you never hear those guys talk

about the fucking Colosseum, that's more impressive. Oh yeah, right. You know what I mean? It's incredible. At least talk about that shit. Talk about ancient Rome, who stole everything from Ancient Greece, by the way. Ooh, Colombs.

What about the word? Pradaphelia. This is where we get dice, but weren't they hookin' up with Germany in the war? Bro. And yeah, that's another thing. What the battlefield? This is where we get dice, but weren't they hook it up with Germany in the war? Bro, yeah, that's another thing. What the hell? Yeah, how the fuck did they get a, that's a great point. I have a point.

That's a great point, dude. They were an ally. Yeah, pizza's not that good. Yeah, you had Mussolini. Mussolini, that was it. Mussolini, they dragged that motherfucker in the streets. They occupied Albania one of the all right.

All right. Relax. Relax. I forgot your reality. But listen, the broken clock is right twice a day. Italy was on to some with that one. Ah. Ah.

Ah. Ah. Ah. Damn dude, you know who told Italy to suck their cocks. You're looking at him. You fucking pussy couldn't hold them off. We had to fight a two front war against Italy and Germany. One guy with a fucking cow zone came in through it at your fucking president's head. He was like, oh!

Take whatever you want! Not Greece baby, we told those fucking beeps to suck our, maybe that's really what this all comes down to, is fuck them up for a while in ancient in a world war two Yeah, we got scared and basically turned into like the North Korea Yeah, you were sucking dick on all sides That's in your blood from the Ottoman Empire These motherfuckers turn Muslim as soon as the Turks came through And then the Italians come by, they're like,

whatever you want, sir. Then they're communist after that. They'll do whatever the fuck a guy with a gun tells them to. No heart in that country. That is an oily fucking place. It is. It has. You got slippery on those mountopts.

Yeah. You know, your car leaves the driveway and is sitting there, does that black thing? Yeah. The whole land looks like that. Well, we fought a lot. It was like a lot of like guerrilla shit where we try it.

We fought him like the mountains. Oh, yeah. And it really did take Germany, like Germany got pissed. Because they were like, we were literally fighting them with like sticks and shit. Right. They're like, how do you fucking dumb Italians not beat Greece?

And they're like, oh, we don't know. We're stupid. We're not fat, the good, the we're pussy. We're not fat, the good, the we're pussy. Anyway, all right. I've shit on Italy enough. Italians enough. I do have love for the country.

I just think a little much, a little too proud. That's all I'm saying. Yes, beautiful countryside. Beautiful countryside. Beautiful women. Beautiful women. And I still like a nice slice. And I'll eat a chicken parm no problem.

Hell yeah. And I love the godfather. Chaz Palmentary's a good guy. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But you fucking statin island pieces of shit can suck my dick. Anyway.

I mean, we'll do Irish next show. Oh, yeah, a little much as well. The Irish can also suck my dick. Don't get me wrong. Like, just those, you've been here for generations. And you have created this fake, like, ancestry that didn't exist anywhere. Like that's the only thing,

they're talking about these like, like the Irish are just like the first, and yeah, you were oppressed for seven years, and then the second you could be cops, you're like, can I have that baton hit a black person, please? Oh, it's so, it's so, it's so, at least the Italians had the decency to become criminals. I'll give them that.

I will give them that. They weren't sucking on, they weren't bootlicking fascist cock suckers in the same way that the Irish, the first drop of a baton to hit a fucking Mexican with, they took it. So anyway, fuck them too. All right, I've done enough white race bashing for the first time.

Go check out soup to Nuts folks. There you go. We got a lot of Irish jokes on a walk jokes. They're all in there. I get the mix. The waps. They're the bunsy's. He's got them all.

Yeah. They're all going down. They're all taking it. So why don't we take some questions here? I'll just let you use some of Mark's beautiful expertise. And let's fucking answer some life queries. Hell yeah. It's gonna be a bad fuck.

I love you. It's not coming through dumbass. Listen to this, alright. Good, David. Stop. You fat fuck. I love you. Okay.

Listen to this, alright. I just got in the ring Corps about two years ago. Been a baby and a girl. Since I was in the Marine Corps, we've been in Canada three years. I recently took a job in Texas. She was in North Carolina. We've come to doing long distance for a while now, and we decided, hey, we're going to get engaged and come down to Texas.

So I drive up to North Carolina with a white North Carolina and you hope for and and myself in her stuff you translate a mumble of his deathly but so yes

i'm just gonna i'm just gonna call what's happened here this guy's getting cooked is what my that's my guess i haven't, I have no prior knowledge. But anyway, so to translate so far, he was in the Marine Corps for two years, which if he isn't about to tell us he got cucked, he probably got cucked while he was in the Marine Corps. And now he's long distance and him and this girl

are gonna get engaged. And he's driving from Texas to North Carolina with a U-Haul truck. And we're about to find out what happened. Oh, God. North Carolina to Texas. Just bought her a house in Texas. I have an engagement ring ready and as soon as I get there all she talks about is not

wanting to move to Texas and not wanting to travel away from her family. While I'm there, I get a job offer to go to Italy for two years, travel in Italy, again, kind of a contract with the government, and she doesn't want to go to Italy either. So the day comes around that I'm supposed to leave and she basically just stalls and so and so is it ready? Does the house is clean? Isn't packed. So I just leave. Now she's like, I want to come with you.

I want to get engaged. I want to be married. Like, let's do this. Or else, I've already taken back the ring. Yeah. Yeah. And all that. What do you think I should do? Should I take her back?

Because we were together for three years. Should I go to Italy and just party it up by myself for two years? Or should I stay in Dallas, single, and see what things play out? Do you mean her or also between myself and the native Texans. Let me know. Thanks. Okay. Interesting. So, Mark, you need your reaction to get out of there. Yeah. Like, she's wishy-washy and you're gonna marry her. I mean, this is crazy. Here's another thing. Did he say how old he is? No. So, he said he got out of the Marine Corps. Yeah

He sounds young. He's got to be early 20s. That's what I'm guessing. This is like early to mid 20s Buddy if she's being weird. Maybe it's the age right if she's also like 23 then you know what? You know, I don't want to push my life so anyone I'm not not saying that like, definitely not my life so, my life's not a fucking mess. But like, I always think you shouldn't really get married in your early 20s, as a rule, right? I'm not saying it's not gonna work for some people it will work for, there's exceptions that basically prove the rule, but for the most part,

this doesn't sound like the type of people it should be married. No, no, no. Also, you kind of see the delusion and how much gullibleness it takes to join the military. We appreciate your service and all that and Marie and that's impressive. Her ob, but like, dude, you got the wool over. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a great point. Easily tricked. Yeah. No offense.

Get out, man. Go to Italy, live in life. Exactly. Go beat American soldier in Italy, cleaning up with that Italian clan. Absolutely. That's what I was gonna say. You're young.

This relationship is fucking weird, one way or the other. She might be doing the classic, like, especially if she's younger and especially if she doesn't want to, like, a lot of people will not just take initiative. You know what I mean? They'll be like, oh, how many times? And I've been guilty of this. I'm sure you've been guilty of this, where it's like you basically know you're checked out of a relationship.

Or even not even a full relationship, just like you're kind of casually dating someone. And you're too much of a coward to just be like, hey, this is runnin', it's course I like you, but I don't see anything in the future. Good luck. And you just kind of act like a piece of shit. Yep. Until someone breaks up with you.

Store it by luck. And then you regret it, right? I didn't want to be too direct, but when I said, I'm sure you've done this. When I met with, I know you have an almost every facet of your life. I'm talking to my family. Yeah, that's not working.

And so she could just be doing this, right? Where she's too much of a coward to be like, this is weak. And look, let's also, a little devil's advocate here. You know, from her side of things, you were gone for two years. As soon as you get back, you take a job in a different state.

So now it's like, maybe she's like, oh, I miss him, we'll be in the same town finally. Sounds like you got a job in Texas without really consulting her. Ooh, good point. And then you bought a house in a ring without consulting her about Texas. That's kind of crazy on your part

Yeah, right like you can't just be like hey this place you have your life Well, I've decided we should actually move somewhere else. Yeah without having so there's a little bit of immaturity on your part too Where you kind of jump the gun agreed, but either way right it sounds like you're both kind of young and I don't know that it's meant that you I wouldn't get married. That's for sure. No. And I'm kind of with Mark here where it's like, your young, this kind of this maybe it has the runs course, maybe there's something there, but go and live your life.

Yeah. Two years in Italy where you're not, you know, I don't know what kind of job he said. Is it like a contractor job? I don't know if he has to reenlist in the army, but I prefer if you don't have to enlist in the army if it's just a contractor job, is that what he said? Yeah, I think he said it was like some government job over there. Okay, whatever, as long as it's not like, you don't have to reenlist, you're not a fucking soldier.

As long as you have your freedom, basically. Like, go spend some time where you're not fucking, you know, being actively brainwashed, where you get to just be a human being in a beautiful place, right? For all the shitting on on third generation Italian, you just say Italy is fucking beautiful and also also have a different experience. A grow as a person. I would say be single take two years in Italy and take it as an opportunity to really think about what you want because you might a little bit be on the like

Enlist get out get married track that's so many so many people are on without thinking about it Take a little time to really think about what you want because it feels like you're on autopilot here, so I've never and honestly Dude you have such a perfect opportunity with two years in Italy where you kind of get to do the best parts of college. Ooh, where it's like, you know, you get to culture. You get to culture, you get to grow as a person. I love this situation for you. Your setup in a nice way is sad as a relationship ending. And as long as you're relatively young,

you never said your age, but as long as you're a relatively young guy, it doesn't, and she's also relatively young. It doesn't sound like either of you is really ready for this So go be your own fucking guy and have some fun here here And I think these guys these mill I grow a lot of military guys these couple marine dudes and they all need structure So I think this guy was out in the desert with a bunch of dudes and 8k 47s And he's like I got my girl back home. I'm gonna marry her right when I get out And he thought it was all this fairy tale bullshit, but life is full of nuance and yeah, and weird

Left turns so there's no way it's gonna just work out magically and yeah Get that ring back sell that house full-around Dallas. There's a lot of hot ladies in Dallas Live it up and don't get your here's thing lot of hot ladies in Dallas. Live it up. And then go get your, here's a thing. Don't get trapped in Dallas. Don't get trapped. Go to Italy immediately, motherfucker. Yes, yes.

You go have them find yourself moment. And then when you get back, get yourself some like, you know, some blonde blown out, you know, with the big ass hair pussy in Dallas. Now you're talking. Now we're talking. You can get some of that JFK head. Yeah.

Yeah. You got some head hair. You got some head hair. Get sucked off on the grassy knoll. Yeah. I, you know, I don't know that I, I don't fucking like, I don't like Dallas. I like it for a, it's a good comedy town,

but I wouldn't live there. It's just too many malls and. Yes. It feels like everything is a fucking shopping center. It's sprawling. It's all highway. But there's no like downtown, or I guess even if there is, it's like, everything is a fucking shopping center. It's sprawling, it's all highway. There's no downtown, or I guess even if there is, it's bullshit.

To me, I really, I really, Houston's cool. I like Houston a lot, even though it's a similar thing. It's got a little culture to it. But it has some diversity. Yeah, it's a different mix of all kinds of people. It's got a little soul. There's way more art, there's way more culture. The food is interesting. And then Austin isn't

its own thing obviously. It's a different thing that you know tech is kind of ruined now. But it was a cool it was cool. And still you know you can still have a nice visit there. Yeah. And like you know clubs great over there. But anyway don't don't get your Mdals go to Italy go, go suck on some apalonia from the Godfather titties. Oh, yeah. She was awesome. Those were some of the first tits I saw.

Really? Because my mom was a big, ironically enough, my mom who's like, was pretty, like, tried to keep her sheltered. She loved mob movies. Oh, interesting. So I do have this special, like that's the other thing. I have a really special place in my heart for mob movies because it's like one of the first, like my mom would take us to museums.

She was big into art, she was an artist herself. She would take me and my brothers to museums as little kids, but we were fucking 75. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And in a weird way, it paid off. I love museums now, and I think there is something to that where it's like at the time I didn't like it, but now I'm like, oh, I really appreciate

what she was doing for me, and some of that must have seeped in. Yeah, yeah. Maybe she was attracted to these swarly dagos. Yeah, who knows? Yeah, they were kind of slick, but yeah. My dad, very swarly, man. Okay.

Harry, slick back bald head. Like my dad was one of these guys that like puts hairspray on his three remaining hairs. My dad really has like Homer Simpson hair. Oh yeah, yeah. But slick back and set it to the side. Right. So maybe that's your time.

But yeah, fuck, what was it? Oh yeah, so that was kind of the first titties I saw is because my mom let me see the Godfather really young and they were brushing that, remember? Oh yeah. Godfather too, I believe. Oh yeah. Oh no, no, that was the first one. That was a Godfather too, I believe. Oh yeah. Oh no, no, that was the first one.

That was the first one that got us. That's the lead. Yeah, we're hiding out in Sicily. Yeah. And I was like, damn, what's up with these? This looks awesome. Good, that was amazing. I really get married to see those tips.

And you know it's interesting. Oh wow, I didn't even think, I didn't even put this together now. Till right now, in that movie, she has those, her nipples are not hard at all. She's very puffy at breast titties. Pull them up if you don't mind. Yeah, pull them up next thing.

How does what are you doing man? Hurry up dude, what kind of producer are you? Apollonia, Godfather Breasts. Apollonia. Rise, I didn't write it self out. Yeah. Breasts, eldest. Come on. Come on dude. Oh, yeah, she drops the 90. She drops the 90 show him. Yeah. Oh, what we have You have the child block on you have what the hell?

Pacino How are you blowing this man? I guess not dude. This is That would be used to Yeah, I guess not dude. This is this is not negotiable. You have to pull this up Smart there we go Take the take the fucking sir sir sir sir safe search off Well, whatever what are we watching your mom's movies? This is crazy dude

This is okay here we go blur now well that's fucked up dude they're taking the internet away from us too man yeah it's not good but i don't see her tits anyway yeah breast nude nude eldest haha haha what do you see

you see those puffers? Oh, yeah. And to this day, I like a loose at rest titty. I like a puffy little nip. I mean, I'll take a, don't get me wrong, I'll take a little hard one too. Sure. Of course, but I've had like girls in the past be like, or like not send me,

or be like, I gotta get my nipples hard or something to send the mood. And I'm like, nah. Oh, that's what you mean by that. Send them at rest. Yes, I see. So the equip a flaccid breast, a flaccid nipple. Yes.

And Apollonia might have started that for me. Why? Interesting. This is a great thing about this package. We find that about ourselves. Yeah. During it. Do you remember the first breasts you saw

where they like a faint movie breast? My first boner was dirty dancing. When the two girls are walking, like crawling toward each other and they're underwear. Oh my God. I remember it. I remember looking at my pants going, something's bad, this is bad.

Mom helped. I thought something was wrong. Yeah. And I was rock hard. I still love the workout videos in those Leotard and Love All that shit. Oh, that's good stuff. I've definitely looked up some gym theme with pornography.

Oh, I love the gym stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's nothing nicer than a fat parent Diddy's popping out of a sports brawl. Yes, you're like, what? And I like when the guy rips the spandex, he's banging the other pants still on with the hole in it. That's hot.

Yeah. And I like the guys cock. Yeah. We slowly get away from it. And yeah, and I like when he rubs his cock on that rip and then sometimes he's just kind of holding his cock. It's always a great scene too, because it's a guy who's like her personal trainer. Right.

And his dick comes out of the bottom. Yeah, she's like, what the hell? He's like, oh jeez. He's wearing such little shorts and his dick is so cartoonish we big. Yeah, right. And it's like, come on man, you're a trainer. Yeah. This is like a guy in an office having his dick constantly pop out of pursuit.

Right. You're at work right now, man. But let's be honest, if you were to gym and a guy's dick popped out, you'd probably go, I'd rather suck that than workouts. I can't do this to the elliptical. I don't know, man, I'm already at the gym. It's one thing if the guy's cock was like in my house.

You know what I mean? I've already made it to the gym. I feel like I want to get the workout. I got it. And I don't particularly want to suck his cock to the gym. I feel like I want to get the workout. I got it. And I don't particularly want to suck his cock either. Okay. But maybe if I was her, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It's better than lifting. I don't know. I like this. If he's got a good body, he's nice and fit. Got some good muscles going. Yeah. Good looking guy.

That's what the problem is for you, Otis. He's got to be hot. Right. Yeah. You have to be hot for gym. I mean. See some fit like a gym. You think there's some kind of like ritualistic aspect to it where you're like, you're kind of paying homage

to the man, the ripped man at the gym. There's something satisfying about that. Oh yeah. Yeah, you're a part of the culture. Yeah. That's a beautiful man. Yeah, I still probably wouldn't suck as cock personally if it made. Whatever you guys want to do, that's cool. That's beautiful man. Yeah, I still probably wouldn't suck as cock personally. That's cool.

Whatever you guys want to do, that's cool. That's probably porn, you know how you like, do you want like kids watch Superman because they'll jump off a building? I think we a lot of us watch porn and we're like, oh, we'll just get laid everywhere. We'll like sex with everybody. You fucking be Jim.

Yeah, I'll fuck my teacher. Yeah, yeah. I'll fuck in the office. Well, you have fucked your teacher, as covered in... That's true. That's true. Have you fucked anywhere strange? Oh my god

I fucked my girlfriend in the movie theater of during monster zinc Back row she got on top she'd have skirt on No condom raw dog monster's white high school girlfriend. So yeah, it was all on DC. Huh? Was she on birth control? No, no. Oh, were you fucking busting inside? I don't know.

I think I've didn't end up in the popcorn. She's done the popcorn. Yeah. All right, the juju beat. Yeah. Wow, man, good for you. Hey, what about you? Any weird stuff?

Not really, to be honest. Um, just, No, I mean... Nothing don't chucky cheese. No cheater. Movie theater bathroom I got my dick sucked. Nice. Car obviously, but nothing crazy. Really nothing crazy. I fuck, you know, mostly. And I like to... lately I fuck a lot of like in my early 20s You'd play a lot of when I lived you know with a bunch of other dudes or I lived here and it was bullshit

I would fuck it a lot of other people's places, but now I have a nice place people who come over here, right? So I play a lot of home games. I don't really home games are better, but I like going there because you can leave and I like seeing people's apartments That's always I mean I like that too from an anthropological standpoint. Yeah. But yeah, leaving is always much better, but I don't know, man, my bed is a good height for how I fuck. Oh, okay.

I've got it kind of like, I've got it like, I know, I've kind of measured it out for a perfect back shots height. I can't wait to look at your bed. Yeah, I'm literally, when I bought a bed, when I was researching bed frames, I had my, it was as a joke, but it actually ended up being helpful. I had my boy get on all fours, and I pretended to fucking, in a mattress for him. I could see if the fucking mattress and bed lined up for him.

That's great. That's me a feature. That's me a guy there for that. Or at least a blob dog, or a sex toy. We were joking. I was like, dude, wouldn't it be funny if you fucking got on all fours so I could make it? And he'd be like, yeah, be fucking stupid. And then he did it.

And I was like, I'm gonna kind of grabbed, and I was like, too high. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fuck. All right. Let's do another question, LD. I want to have no one stop you.

Like, we don't want to look home before we go. I'm keep going. Excuse me, me and my husband are looking for a bed. I thought, what is going on? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was a fucking Saudi Arabia. Where you can't even see if you can fuck your husband in the ass in an IKEA But yeah the worst play the worst weirdest place I ever fucked probably early January a couple years ago to capital

He getting your dick sucked in Nancy Pelosi's office. Yeah, I'm sure that a yeah kid guy cleaned up. Yeah, because he was all over the place. Oh, did you know a bunch somebody out of the fucking house? Yeah, he got a lot of good exposure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He put a horn in each pussy. He's eating a girl's pussy and finger and horn fucking two other ones. Yeah.

While he's doing it. A storm is coming. It's all part of the plan. Next question, Elders. Hey, so, Elders, hey, guys. I really need help. I have these two guys in my life who, who, okay, maybe like three or four, I'd select these men who continue to not take a hint and they won't leave me alone basically. And they're not, I don't want to be mean. I don't want to tell them like, hey, you have to not show up places I am without like warning me, like I have one kid who just shows up at places I am because you see that I'm there on my Instagram story and I have another guy who I went on two dates with on Bumble in like 2018 who thinks that I need to hang out with him all the time.

God damn. It's a lot. It's a lot I'm having a bad time. Please answer this on one of the free shows because I really need help. How do I let Down the Youth do? Let's out. Who keeps trying to take advantage of my nightmares. What I don't want to mean, so mean that I have to be like, hey, go fuck yourself, leave

me alone. Because I haven't done anything wrong enough to deserve that Okay, I love the podcast. Thank you. I Relate to this if I I can't say no to people if I was a woman I would let every nerd fuck my holes Because I can't say no, so I told you where she's coming from I'm so lucky my guy Right right That is very tough because I'm so lucky I'm a guy. Right, right.

That's tough. That is very tough because, oh, damn. Showing up is crazy. Crazy. That's stalker shit. I mean, that's like, you actually have a pretty good disposition here for what's going on. Because this is fucked up.

Now, this is the kind of thing where it's like you should never be in this position, right? But the most effective way to fucking think about this is like, this could be an opportunity, because yeah, maybe it is a thing of being kind of too nice. And also for women like scared, because you got this fucking guy that will just show up. Like who knows what, if he, if she was just like, hey Because you got this fucking guy that'll just show up. Right. Who knows what, if he was just like, hey, you're being really fucking weird, like, this is making me uncomfortable, you don't know what these fucking guys are capable of.

Like, it's scary. If being a woman's fucking scary, dude. That is so. Especially like a guy you went on two dates with. Right. If they don't take the hint, like, I know one of the worst feelings is getting rejected.

Like, I can get rejected by somebody who I haven't fucked or someone who I fucked a hundred times. But what feels bad is getting rejected by somebody you fucked once. Because it's like they gave you a shot and you blew it. Right. You know what I mean? That's a tough one. There's a girl who like you know it wasn't like anything serious was going to happen. But like you know it's just like that one affected me which is, you know, it wasn't like anything serious was gonna happen, but like,

you know, I just like that one affected me, which is like, you know, this is cool, but I'm just like, you know, I like you, but I want to be friends and it was like, if we had never fucked, I'd be like, okay. And we had like gone on a long, had a nice relationship and we were like, you know, this is great, but we're not gonna work out. There was just something so demoralizing about a girl like, once being like, you know, cool and I like you. It's not your personality. I am attracted enough to fuck you once. I know. Like, like, but you blew it. Yeah. So like, especially with these guys, she like, she went on, even if she didn't hook up with them, she went on a couple dates. Like, that also feels bad, right? Yeah. Like, so these guys are in a fucked up

position where they don't understand this is my prop. Like when that happened to me, I didn't fucking stalk this girl. I was like, I'm sad for two weeks. You got to internalize it. So like you got to deal with it and you got to realize like, okay, that sucks, but on, you know, next thing. So she's probably dealing with some, some, she's, she says she's collects these guys, right?

So this is a chronic issue for you. And I'm not, this is not blaming you, but it's the same way where we all, these patterns happen for a reason, right? Like you find people from your life, like just on some pop psychology shit, I don't know, but you should see it, you should talk to therapists about this

because I know that I was, due because of some patterns in my childhood, I was kind of picking up similar people to like who had similar traits to like my shitty, you know, dad or whatever, like, you know what I mean? You're like your condition to like, to recreate your like family shit. Family-erity.

And I have friends like who are like that all the time. We have a friend who just like, he like, he almost, he almost prefers his family suck dick and all his relationships. The longest lasting ones, it doesn't really seem like he likes them. He just likes complaining the way he would complain about his family growing up, right?

And so it's like, I think there probably is something in your background psychology, whatever. Yes, it's a high percent. We're like, these people are drawn to you something in your background psychology, whatever. Where like, these people are drawn to you, or maybe you're a little people pleasy. That's the simplest one, right? I think she kind of likes it a little, maybe there's these guys are scary,

but I think she is giving something off, like, hey. Well, don't stop following me. Yeah, I don't know whether it's like, I don't know what her perception of it is after the first, whatever, but she deff, this is a pattern at least. Yes. Right?

At the very least, it's like, and it might not be that she likes it, it might just be that she, like you said, like you were saying by yourself, she can't say no, or she's indirect about it, or whatever. And so I guess, now that's all a big, like, you know, prologue to say the first step is like

trying to be one One notch more direct than you have been. Yeah, right? Like that's the first is just like dialing it up Slowly and being like hey man like it's making me a little you showing up here is honestly making me uncomfortable We can be free, you know it whatever you want up here is honestly making me uncomfortable. We can be, you know, whatever you wanna say, if this is how you feel, we can be friends, but you know, I'll bump into you places, but I don't really wanna hang out this much

or it's kind of creeping me out that you're looking at my Instagram and then, you know, whatever. Can I have to put the hammer down a little bit? But yeah, at a certain point, you probably are gonna have to be like, and even the like, let's be friends thing. It's risky.

Do you actually mean that? Exactly. If you don't mean it, then be like, hey, I enjoyed our dates, but I think we should, you know, go, you know, see other people or something like that. Or you could take them, you know, and I think that, that, you have to do some element of that. Yeah. and I think that you have to do some element of that. But for yourself, so that you get out of this situation, but at the same time, you don't know these guys,

anything you wanna just be safe and out of there. So I think it's a two-pronged approach of being a little more direct for yourself and to make it clear to these guys. But also, if you clear to these guys. But also, if you have to kind of like weasel your way out of this and be like, hey, I'm working too much or I have a boyfriend or whatever. You can also lie. You don't owe these guys anything.

But at the same time, you should work on being more direct for yourself. And I think the overall thing here is like, if this is a pattern, if you collect these guys, like you said, figure out why. Oh. Go to therapy, figure out why. Something is on you a little bit here,

because it keeps happening. If there's a pattern, you're doing something and I'm not defending these. No, exactly, exactly. Guys, because. But there's a reason it's a reason. And there's so foreign. And it's probably not, and there's things, the reason's not your fault, right? No, exactly. Exactly, guys, because there's a reason it's a reason. There's a reason. And there's so foreign. And it's probably not, and then here's the thing,

the reason's not your fault, right? No, no, no. The reason is like, my hunch is some weird shit in your fucking childhood. Yeah. Or just kinda like, that's probably it. So figure that out. And then, but also like, be as direct as you can

with these guys while you feel safe, I guess is my is my is my advice other people around and then You don't know these mo do some of that progress for yourself But then ultimately if you have to just kind of lie in like weasel your way out of it That's okay this time and then from now on try and be as direct as possible be a little more direct and More much more importantly, go to therapy and try and figure this specific issue. I always find going to therapy when you have a specific thing. Oh, the best.

It's really helpful, actually. And there's definitely people can over-pathologize things, especially with the Jonah Hill stuff where everyone was looking at the language and being like, this is therapy language, but not in a therapy. I think there can be, you can still, it's like there's like a weird therapy backlash after those texts, but I do find therapy is very useful. I went to therapy and I was like, when I was in my 20s, about people pleasing stuff, especially because my family, I felt all this guilt about, ironically the reason the thing that got me to therapy

was I wanted to do comedy, and I felt all this guilt as the first born son of an immigrant family that I couldn't do it. And then after that, it was like, well, I'm a little too people-pleasy, and then it's like, okay, and then after that, I was like, I really want to repair my relationship with my brothers,

and all that stuff, when I went in with specific things, therapy was incredibly useful for that stuff. Now, the day-to-day stuff, if you don't have anything specific, I think your mileage will vary with how successful it is, but a problem like this where you're like, hey, I don't know what the fuck's going on.

I keep getting these fucking losers that won't take no for an answer. Yeah. That I think with a good therapist will be very useful and you can really take a look at. It's pretty fascinating how people will fall back into those traps, like the girl with the alcoholic father keeps dating alcoholics.

It's just like, I don't know what my problem is. And it's just in the virus. It's insane. It's the cement is dry. It's fascinating how you can subconsciously find those things. And then two, these guys blow my mind because I'm so hyper worried about annoying. When I was single, I didn't want to annoy a girl. And they'd always be like, you don't text enough or you just

didn't like, I don't want to bother you or smother you. Well, that's the irony. So it's show up somewhere. It's bananas. The irony is you probably attracted women that were clingy because of that. Yes, I did. You're right. You're right.

Anyway, good luck, Powell. You're lucky it's a free one. We've answered your question. I feel like in the meantime, too, she should also like imagine, imagine if one of your girlfriends was telling you, she's like going through this, she's having a guy, she went on one date with show up randomly. And you know, just like, she's like, oh, this guy's kind of weird,

but just be like, no, just like think about it more ruthlessly and like block these motherfuckers on this. Oh yeah, totally blocked him, yeah. Sure, hide all your stories from them if they're like looking at your story and like showing up and shit. Like, you know, just be a little more pragmatic about it and just like distance the fuck out of them for yourself

because clearly, they don't get it. Yeah, you're absolutely right. And I think the only reason I was, I didn't say like, hey, tell these guys to fuck off, block them, whatever, is because they're showing up around her. And so it's more of a safety. But in a world where you're not worried about your safety, you should be like, what the fuck is wrong with you, man?

Leave me alone. It just sucks that, you know, I'm guessing that's why she's not being so direct. But if not, if you're not actually scared about these guys, then you should be that direct with them, honestly. But yeah, no, that's a good point. Obviously, I would definitely block these motherfuckers and hide your stories from them.

Oh, that's a tough place to be. I know. You have to hide shit from a loo, and then being that loser where you're like looking at a girl's stories. Yeah. And showing up. Showing up, don't you have anything to do?

Do your thing, go find another lady. Imagine getting so little pussy that a woman being just nice to you. Yes. Marits looking at her stories. And like these motherfuckers are so mentally ill. I wonder if she's super hot, maybe. She couldn't be, yeah.

Maybe super hot and nice, which is a hell of a combo. Totally, totally. She sounds nice, she sounds like pretty combo totally totally she sounds she sounds nice She sounds like pretty boisterous and for like a super type of loser. They're like oh she's like, you know Really cool. She might I might be able to like fuck her They keep shipping away, but it's like, you know this type of guy is like you can't you can't give them like a single thing You just kind of like put the wall up entirely. No, maybe we can be friends.

Like, you don't need to get totally, totally. This guy or whatever, like. No, but you're right. It's a funny combination of loser and persistent. Yes. Yes. Cause it's like, I was saluting, we're on, I didn't get pussy until, you know, my,

like, mid, like late to my early 20, once I graduated college and I lived in that house in Baltimore, I got started getting pussy, but until then, 15 the fucking 22, I was the biggest, I was too nervous to get pussy. It was annoying because it was like, I was still charismatic and entertaining, but I just couldn't close the deal

with the woman because I was nervous. Yep. And the idea that I would go on a couple dates, a girl would be like, no thanks. And then I would show up. That's insanity. I did go to one time, a girl. I did it one time where a girl invited me to a Halloween party

and I assumed it was like a real, like, oh yeah, well, hang out, like we'd been on one awkward date. And it was one of the worst experiences of my life where she just I don't know she I guess she didn't really expect me to go and don't fucking invite me and I'm in these weird place in Baltimore at the time I didn't know about you know these weird warehouse parties you know three years later I would be the king of those fucked up scenes but it freaked out. I was still in college and it's like, all these guys in an abandoned warehouse getting fucked up and I was scared, I had a horrible time. It didn't help that you were just wouldn't stop eating the candy. Yeah.

Most nervous eating quits. That's how I'm like, yeah, yeah. I was having diarrhea in the one working toilet. And, madame, if I could say one perk of being a lady is you can pull this guy, I I'm scared if I have a girl I kind of stalking me. I can't be like I'm scared and everybody else is a stopper But at the woman's like I'm worried about this guy. He's freaking me out. I'm a little nervous. Everybody will help you Everybody will get on board. Yeah, hopefully your friends too

But that's the fucked up thing is you shouldn't have to get to that place of course You know where it's like like that's what sucks is like, you don't wanna make it a fucking, like, danger thing. No, no, no. But yeah, if push comes a shove for sure, you should have people. That's the other thing, think about it if like a friend of ours had this problem, I would also be like,

do you want us to fuck that guy up? Yeah, that's what I mean. If push comes the shove, you also have the nuclear option. Yeah, that would be a lot of- I would love to fuck a nerd up for a friend of mine. Yeah. That would be far.

That would be fun. That would be great. But I can't really pull that rip core. Like, can you beat Susan up? Yeah, you know? This moment I went on two dates with Keb showing up, so I clocked her the head. Exactly.

But your honor, she was being clingy. Yes. Anyway, we're rooting for you pal Hopefully that was helpful Hey, this is another one LDC Mo Hey, Stavie my name is Jack. So my roommate She has this cat this cat, you know, it's a cool cat. She's a freaking like like fifteen years old or some shit it's ridiculous but she still like

i got it mentally but as far as like physically she's like fucking like you know running up and down the stairs because she's constipated and then like she didn't on the stairs and then you know like you know sometimes this kind of carpet to it's not like you know it it's not like, it's fucking annoying, but

I guess it's not the worst thing in the world because it's still a cute cat, I guess. But it's pretty bad. I don't know, I guess. This is nothing to get to the point. I think this cat is really old and kind of in a lot of pain and at some point like How do I have the conversation with her that maybe it needs to be put down? And then I guess it's also worth mentioning my roommates like bipolar So I can't you know she's on medication most of the time But she did just lose her meds today So I obviously like can't approach that situation now, but on medication most of the time moh she did just lose her meds today who's

so i obviously like can approach that situation now but what yeah let me know what you think well she's off from meds just tell her the cat you caught the cat trying to steal her stuff and so for meds tell her the cat is satan and if he doesn't kill it

this is the worst problem is guys life some other mother-fucker Marines like, I bought a house bitch. I bought an engagement ring, you got a bad cat? Who gets the fuck? It's not even your cat. Well, pal, I mean, it's just so funny to be living with this kind of like mine, these kinds of like minor stacked up in conveniences.

Yeah. You already have like kind of an unstable roommate whose cat is kind of annoying. I mean, cat shit on your stairs. Okay. Okay, that's good. Constant shitting. That's bad. That's the if it was just kind of like an in-paying cat who didn't shit everywhere. I'd be like, all right, man, who cares? Feed it some cat nip. Like sneak it some fucking pills. But like, how do you have the conversation with your bipolar roommate? There might be bigger fish to fry

with your bipolar roommate. Yeah, more like this office met her for meds. Right. I'm worried about the cat. I'm worried about her with the knife. By me. I heard a bad mood or whatever. Yeah, I mean, you're no, you,

yeah, clearly there's, I guess your roommate doesn't clean up after the cat. Maybe that's the problem. Oh, maybe that's pretty gross. That's pretty gross. I don't know about having the conversation about putting the cat down is kind of weird. That's weird. What do you tell your roommate that they have to kill their cat?

Yeah. It doesn't feel like, like, again, not when we were roommates, but just some guy. I would broach it because 15 is pretty old for a cat. Yeah. And if they're like, you know, it sounds like this cat like needs a diet needs diapers, which is like dog's word diapers and shit when they get like old and seen that. Yeah, yeah. If it's like shedding a pissing constantly and you know, she's my polar, she lost her meds, I'm gonna go ahead and say she's not cleaning up

the shit every single time. Like this guy's probably gotta do some scrubbing. So, I think you can be like, hey, this cat is like fucking up our house. I know you love it, but it's also in like pain and it's living a miserable life like, you know, it would be cool to just time to put it down. Yeah. I think you could, I think you could broach that. But people love their fucking. They love their cat. You know, people love their cats. I have a cat.

I love this fucking thing. I cuddle with it. I play with it. I love it. I fuck it. But this, this guy, what he should do is have people over and let them say it. You know, like, wow, this cat has really got to go. Like, this is bad. This is your, your, your making it sadder. Like, you would be happier if he was dead. He's like, get them to do it. Well, it's just, it's such an interesting position

because you're not close enough to a person to have this conversation. You just happen to be roommates. Oh, they're not friends. Like, I mean, I don't, it doesn't, I don't know if they are. If you guys are close, then you can have the conversation. But if you're not, then you essentially have a business partnership.

Yeah, that's tough. You know, it's like, if anything, this is a reason for you to move out. It's like, off meds, or fucked up old cat, then think about this. You think this lady who just went off for meds, and is on him some of the time, you think she's gonna take her cat dying well? Oh, you think she's gonna just not be fucking sad as fuck

and weird after it? I don't know, man. What if he tried like, hey, this cat's making a mess constantly. Do you think maybe it's at the point that it like stays in your room when you're not home or something for starters, just like contain it and like make it so

that they have to deal with it. And that's so you're not seeing like, shit and piss. It's hard. It is hard to say. This is fucked up. Yeah. Because when you're at, when you like are outside of it, it's like so plain that the cat needs to be put down. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can't say that to someone, especially if they're like just a roommate that you're not that close with whatever. Totally. Um, yeah, dude, like I would say it to you, no problem. Yeah. I would be like, I would kill your cat, actually. I wouldn't be like, I wouldn't kill it, but I would put out obstacles for it.

You know, I'd leave the window open. Yeah, bring a little log over. Yeah, I'd put a little like, like some tuna right at the edge of the balcony. Yeah. Right, hanging off the edge, like, go ahead. Grab it, buddy. I'm gonna say that, like like maybe he does need to play God

because ultimately, ultimately, what does he give a fuck about this room, man? Yeah, or this fucking decrepit old cat. So, you know, maybe you gotta intervene and, you know, you're doing a good thing for the cat. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. The Angel of Death. What about it's misery?

Yeah, you let's a fucking crazy crazy as cat outside like kill it instantly Letting leave a door open leave a window open I don't know maybe a little poison poison would be no poison in the food ball That might not be a bad. Yeah Does it have any other health problems that it's you know that you would buy it dying off of the curve ball is the bipolar That changes everything if it wasn't the guy wouldn't buy puller. I feel like you could do the whole talk Hey, it's old. It's shitting everywhere. It's a lot of my polar and bipolar, but Just lost her meds is really the curve by polar on meds. It's whatever

They take the meds who gives a fright, but if you're just if you're on meds, it's whatever. They take their meds, who gives a fright. But if you're just, if you're freshly off meds, you want a killer cat now, I don't know, brother. I would, how fucked up is your, is it a nice apartment? Like, can you get a different place? To me, this is just like, this is the tough thing, because she's right on the edge of it being too annoying to live through. But I mean, when I was, when I was broke,

I would put up with this for sure. Oh, of course. Yeah, it's just another fact of life. Yeah. I guess it really becomes a problem if she's not picking up after the cut. That's what it is. That would piss me off.

I mean, it's not good for your whole place smell like cat piss, but now, yeah. I don't know, man, you're pretty much fucked here. Just poison it, who can give it fuck? Yeah, kill the fuck like cat. Shoot it in the back of the head doing it a favor doing yourself a favor There you go, and you're not gonna live there forever. Yeah. Yeah, yeah find different place one more mark You got to do it. Yeah, let's do it Here's with a nice one L this

I feel like I've I've loved that one so I will give me a real juice No, I know I didn't have we didn't have much for him. It's a fucking weird I'm not going back. Hello, Stav. I was dating a girl that I met at the end of 2020 for a few months, I think like three or four months. It was fine. I liked her a lot.

She likes me. Towards the end, it was kind of said that she was going through a phase of having just gotten out of a long relationship. I had also. And so she didn't want to be my girlfriend in that specific case, which was fine. I appreciated her honesty and I was like cool, I'm good luck. And we stayed in touch to a moderate degree. Once we kind of like that was said, we never had any like physical contact really again, but you know, we'd go out to launch everyone's smile and things like that. So that was like two years ago. Last night I noticed that she had just, she's in the final stages of graduating from this lighting course,

I'm getting her MSA and writing. And her thesis program, or whatever her thesis for the program, is to publish. And she wrote a book. And so I was reading excerpts from the book I'm mostly just looking for my own name and the premise of her book is that she's a my life talking nothing but

news and the premise of what yeah let's get a couple out before we let him say what it actually is my prime my prime the book, my life, lying to losers about getting out of a relationship, sucking someone off eight times and stealing their credit card information and then telling them, I just got out of an engagement. Do you have anything Mark, or should we play it? The premise of the book is,

I'm a well-enticed, it's my version of an frank it's that i can't get away from this fucking ass it's a it's a it's a it's some guy off hinge with little round glasses and a denim jacket if i had to guess uh...

all right let's do it actually let's do with the premise actually is she's a like a habitual chronic liar all and i couldn't figure out if it was real or if it was a picturesque promise of what some mix of the two but there were many many many things that she had said to me that in this book were kind of like confessed to be out now. Why? And some kind of like weirdly personal,

kind of important things. And so I messaged her, and I was like, you're out on having this out in the world. I am curious, you know, what did you say to me that wasn't true? Because there was a couple things that we kind of bonded on in terms of share life experience that was then said to be not true in this book. And I'll never read an action. You kind of wouldn't answer or refer to it as a big game. I don't read my wife.

Now, like, I have no interest in her and I've been together. But I did value how that relationship kind of lines. I was very proud of not just myself, but of've heard for how you know how we handled things now I was in the impression that you're being very honest, which is why You gotta break up with this guy I get it now You were proud of yourself and her Come on dude. What do you mean you were proud of her for breaking up with you? Dude come on, I'm sorry finish this

Happy in such a nice way I don't really have I also run that time I go to a new city which is where I right now and most of my friends here are either girls are gay guys though i don't really have you to be a bitch i'm just gonna cut off because you wouldn't shut the fuck up yeah he just bought her to the maximum about this shit wow what i mean the sad part is that she thought

he was worthy of writing a book about This is not good stuff. He's not even in the book, right? So she just wrote about how she lies all the time, right? I'm assuming she adapted like parts of their actual relationship for this Well, but maybe maybe it's not about him. Maybe it's about how she was like, but is that even worse for him? Here's what's going on. This guy thought he had a special relationship that was doomed due to time, right?

This guy thought what a connection if only we hadn't been both out of relationships. Which by the way, that wasn't a problem for him. No. He pretends it is now that she said it. Right, right. But he would have dated her in a fucking heartbeat. Totally.

So he has this narrative crafted about this. And look, I was shitting on him, but I know what he means about being proud of like, like a relationship ending civilly, right? There is something to you feel like when, because I felt that way after, like I really gave my last relationship a go, right? Cause my whole life I've been scared of commitment,

I didn't wanna do it, I would always fuck up. If a relationship was good, I would fuck it up. And then I felt, even though that relationship ended and it didn't end particularly well, but like it didn't end like horrible or anything. But even though it wasn't ultimately successful, I was proud, I was like, you know what, I gave it a shot. I didn't like, I, you know, we worked through some stuff. I got

closer to being like, you know, being a bet like somebody, I got closer to getting my relationship shit together by actually trying. So as much as we shit on him, that's I get where he's coming from. So as much as we shit on him, I get where he's coming from. So basically though, his narrative of this relationship has been completely shattered. Yeah. Not only that, for some dumb bitch with an MFA, like that's the only thing, no one's gonna read this. Nobody.

No one's gonna read her fucking thing about being a fucking lying cont. Yeah, it's her thesis. It's her fucking MFA thesis. Like, and it's about how she's a fucking piece ofunt. Yeah, it's her faces. It's her fucking MF-ish's. Like, and it's about how she's a fucking piece of shit. Yeah. Like, you know what I mean? It's like, and what do you expect?

And he went immediately. First of all, it's not even published. He saw it like, what, you clearly are lying to yourself a little bit here, pal. Yeah. You're like, why are you looking? And did you think she was gonna blow you in the book and glorify you? No, I think he did, though. I think he did, but it's like, why are you looking? And did you think she was gonna blow you in the book and glorify you?

No, I think he did though. I think he did, but it's like, what are you, great? That's not a good book. I met this guy. He was great. We had a great ending to our relationship. No, it's gotta be juicy. It's a book.

Of course. Yeah, no, that's what's fucked up about this is like, it just completely, he he completely it shattered a shit He was expecting that he was expecting like yes if anything like a passage Even a short passage about oh what a doomed but beautiful relationship like he that's what he wanted He wanted like a couple pages about you know something oh, yeah, and so look dude What I don't even know what the question is here. You can't, you have to be honest with yourself, that hurt your feelings.

And yeah, you dated kind of a sociopath who was you, who not only was your relate, was your moment not special, but you were being mined for some of the worst literature of all time. There you go. And that's tough. And that's a big owl to swallow. Big owl, but at least you're in a book. At least you made it.

You have a credit now. Yeah, you have something. Somebody wrote about you. So just, here's the reality is, you never really dealt with this, dealt with this breakup. Instead, you crafted a narrative to help you get through it. And now you're sort of re-getting broken up with. It's kind of going through the pain of a breakup

all over again because he misread the first one so bad. That's what it feels like to me. So treat this like a breakup. It'll be easier than the first breakup, but you'll be kind of sad. You're re-, someone kind of fucked your reality up. And that's it. Take it as a wake up call though.

You're not always right. You build these rnaredas up in your head and this guy needed a book. To see the truth almost. So, I mean it's a tough one. Don't get us wrong. We feel for you. But you can't be reading these books.

And that's another thing. You can't, it's not gonna be good. No, no. Oh yeah, I mean, if an X makes anything about you, you don't want, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And even when I write jokes about relationships, whatever, I do try and think about the person to some degree.

Of course, yeah, you don't wanna hurt anybody. But I also recognize as someone who like, look, this is my fucking job, I'm gonna talk about this stuff. Sure. It's like, I know it's embarrassing fucking job. I'm gonna talk about this stuff, you know? It's like, I know it's embarrassing. That's the embarrassing part about dating community. It's not really being with them. It's like, you did a musician,

you might get a song written about you. You did a comedian, you did a joke about eating pussy poorly written about you. Or it's like, your pussy they're talking about? Yeah, but you're the loser in the joke. Yeah, I, hey, believe me, I'm the loser in the joke. Yeah, I don't, hey, believe me, I'm the loser in these jokes. But she had a great pussy.

Yeah. But even this guy confronted the woman, she'd be like, you read that? Yeah, I know, that's true. You are doing a loser behavior here. Yeah. By really giving a fuck so much. Like, you know, this shit, you weren't walking

at a book fair. Ah. You perused it. Hey, what the hell? This is Kathleen is Kathleen's book right and you picked up and you're like hey, that's You just what the hell no you saw probably an Instagram story. Yeah, yeah googled You know fucking Columbia dot edu backslash Kathleen underscore Turner the underscore thesis the X-Lash Kathleen underscore turner, the underscore thesis, downloaded the PDF, control F for your name.

Yes. You're a fucking loser. Like that's loser behavior. Have you done this? You nailed that. No, but none of them are great. I haven't done it, but that's probably what the fuck was that good.

You know what I mean? And so, you also just be honest with yourself, this fucked you up. You're basically dealing with the hurt of a breakup all over again, and that's the you also just be honest with yourself this fucked you up You're basically dealing with the herd of a breakup all over again, and that's okay, but you know Sucks and we're with you. It sucks But he's probably leaving out the part about the paragraph he read it and it was she was like and by the way his dick was trash And I lied to him about that. That was the trash dish. Yeah, dude.

So sorry, sorry, but you know, you'll bounce back, baby. And her lying doesn't actually, you should still be proud of yourself about how that relationship ended. You can't worry about the other person being a sociopath, right? And this is also another lesson of, yeah, don't be reading, you don't need new information. No, no. You weren't interested in dating this woman again, right?

Is that's what you claim anyway? And you were perfectly happy before you read that. Sometimes it's that Pandora's Box thing. If you had never looked at that thesis. Curiosity was killing. You'd be fine. I know. I'd be happier today.

But living a lie. He thought it was gonna be positive, this guy. It's a little up his own ass. I think a little delusional. I think he thought this is gonna be a glowing review. Yeah. And he's trashed. Oh man.

Oh yeah. Sorry, pal. I'm sorry. Sorry to really compound it. We really have just been trashin' you now. I know, I feel bad. He wrote it in. I have just been trashin' you now. I know I feel bad He wrote it. I feel bad too, but whatever fuck him well, hey, he's probably like oh Yeah, I'm in star roasts pop

Sure he'll be supporting me fully He's fast forwarded to the end. You wait a minute. It's like the book control. Control. We'll be believing that. But you know, you can guess what he said, folks, soup to nuts on the big end. Go watch it. Go see him live, come see us live. Stavvy that biz. We've got the tour kicking off in London and then we're all over the place. Hell yeah. Trying to sell some tickets in Cleveland, Ohio. The rest of the tour is selling really nice. But yeah, come see us. Thank you, Mark, for doing the show, man.

Thank you, sir. I got a guy outside. Wait. Wait, somebody been in the car? No, he's going to open the show. I told him to meet me here at the little while ago. No, he's good. I can come inside. All right. Thanks, guys. We'll talk to you next time. Bye-bye. Thank you, man. Thank you, man.

Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, man.

Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. Thank you, man. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together?

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