Stavvy's World - #45 - Sal Vulcano

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

Sal Vulcano joins the pod to discuss the rise of Impractical Jokers, his unique road to comedy, performing on comedy cruises, being from Staten Island, being artsy fartsy in his youth, Costco liquors, and much more. Sal and Stav help callers including an autistic guy who's perplexed by his macho coworkers' brutish behaviors, and a woman whose boyfriend is insecure about her body count. See Sal Vulcano live!! Get tickets at https://salvulcanocomedy.com/ Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Ho-pa! Welcome everybody to Stavisworld 904 800 stop. Paul and we'll solve all your problems. We got my boy in the studio, Sal Volcano. Thanks for coming, Sal. I love you, baby. How's it going, dude?

Taking the minute, I'm trying to get on for a while now. It's exclusive. We're like, sorry, Sal, we got to smoke weed and do new stories about walrus is fucking each other in the ass. We do do a one-some-one push-brothers episode, so if you ever want to come back and get high and read the news. Are you insane? Can we do that today?

Can you believe it? I only want to do this one. Sorry, I have stuff to do. We can't do push-brothers right now. I have to do stuff after this podcast. We will absolutely keep you alive. So I did Kush Brothers all day. Yeah. No, yeah, it's quite a schedule.

I say, this is Queens, bro. I know, yes. This is Queens, the world of it. It's authentic. Yes, yes. It is funny. I do like, I mean, you make people go to Staten Island to do your podcast.

Well, not anymore. But now, downtown. Downtown. Wow, nice to know. Downtown. That's what you're talking about, not anymore. Okay. Now, downtown. Downtown. Wow. Nice. That's a little car. You know that? No. Snow song was fun.

I know the song. I didn't know the Tula song. It's before my time, but I still kind of know. I do know the song. I was not familiar with the Tula. You keep starting for me. I did. Yeah. Yeah. You and Chris. That was a good time. Yeah. That was fun. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, downtown. I'll come downtown. Wow. You're moving on. How did it feel like you're a trader finally?

Because you hung on to Staten Island, so hysterically long. And it's like, it's like a place to do business out of. Not just live there and commute. It's one thing to subject yourself to living to Staten Island. Right, right. But you made everyone, you know, I was happy to go. You all go, but everyone, I mean, I make people come to Queens,

but we started them during the pandemic. God, you know, I was happy to go. But everyone, I mean, I make people come to Queens, but it was like, we started them during the pandemic. Gosh, you got you, guys. And so we weren't gonna go nowhere really. So we weren't really having guests at first either. So I was like, look, and I was doing two, and we started with the exact same time, taste buds and hay, baby. So I was like, guys, if you can come to my house,

I've led the film here, but it's gonna be hard for me to be running out, because my schedule's crazy, it was at the time, crazy than theirs. Yeah. So we started there, but then at to like a couple of year and a half years, it was like, we need a space. And I just, it's just my office. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was already my office.

Oh, okay. So I just converted that. Yeah. Yeah. Cause you really are Staten Island's favorite son. You know what I mean? It's like, yeah, and the few of us. And now it's debatable, but I'll take.

Well, you know, as sure Pete Davidson, of course, but come on. You course, but come on You came through you clung through you clung through you came through a true TV. Yeah, we would bloody knuckles. Yeah, man You know, I mean made it made in your friends do quasi-racist stuff in a grocery store while you laughed You know, it puts his quasi-falsie I'm surprised I guess it's like it's season 10 is in the middle of airing Yeah, yeah, it's been on like uh 2017 2011 was the first show so it's going on 12 years on the way and it's like yeah, I'm surprised people are like, well what about this one in season 2? Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh it would be so funny to the impractical jokers are problematic. Now we're getting, now it's like, what are we doing guys? It's a prank show, they're having a good time. But it might swing back around.

Not this one, if there's a swing and then we go really crazy. Maybe in like 20 years. Swing back. Gen Z's kids might uncover impractical jokers. My syndication is gonna be It's over. What why is Marin Kabuki makeup? They have the deleted scenes We for the loser has to work in a in a happy ending parlor

Sexual favors against you. Do you want to be a writer of the show? Yeah, I'm actually trying to, this is what this is about. The cameras aren't on. I just need to get out of podcasting and into writing. You know, we don't really try to curb anything in the moment, but in the end, we're like, yeah. Do you ever think, what about the like,

because you've had, I like that you guys are starting doing the, you know, you'll have like guests on you've had, I like that you guys are started doing the, you know, you'll have like guests on where it's like, like Eric Andre's fun, like you just have like, prank, people that are good at pranks. I think you guys, there's gotta be like the gritty and practical jokers reboot where you guys go like, like full like, that times jackass,

it's like you, times jackass, and it's like, you guys gotta start drinking horsecom. You guys, these guys start going in your asses. I mean for sweet sweet sweet. For sweet sweet sweet. For sweet sweet I'll do it. You know the sweet. Yeah.

Yeah. We're sex traffic. Loser has to get sex traffic. Oh. Oh. That's good. All right. Series finale.

Yeah. That's it. That's the end for a very special one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. That's the end. Too many for a very special one. Yeah, that's what, because that is, because that's what I'm saying about Staten Island because you stayed and you're just like, you got the nice house, the nice apartment, you just, you legit like it, you love it.

Well, the thing is, so I went to college locally. I didn't go away. And so then I started working in the workforce downtown. I'm in Hannon when I first started. You know how to college? I have a degree in finance. Oh, really? In the middle of the day.

Yeah, and then I started working like at prudential securities and like a mutual fund trading systems, I was a business assistant analyst. I didn't want to do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's how I got that job. I didn't know what to do in college. And so when they were out there and they make you pick a major,

I was like, I don't know what to do. Literally, I don't know what to do. I want to make money. Finance finance. Finance finance. So I took finance. No interest. Didn't know anything about it.

Of course. Took it. Somehow, I graduated with it. Then I didn't know where to apply for finance. What school did you go to? St. John's. St. John's. did you go to? St. John's. St. John's. So we got Queens and St. John's.

Love it. I went out. Yeah. So then my best friend's dad worked at prudential securities for like 30 years. So I went on one interview and they hired me in the back though, like operations, which was like a entry level job. Yeah. And it had nothing to do with the finance degree.

I see. And I worked there for like a year and then then there was another, there was another your, they were, they were like the, they were haze you. Do you ever get, they have to put a gimp suit on or do anything for finance? You know finance. We'll for Wall Street stuff. Oh, I did walk around jerking on. Now it was so not that it was like literally this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like everyone got hired right away in the back office. Right, right, right.

It was crazy. It was like not professional. Not, not. As a matter of fact, I think back on it right now, if it was in this day and age, that whole place of you white people. Not me, but like I, what? Of course.

But then like there was another, we had a huge floor and there was another department on the floor that was a business systems analyst and they basically helped build the trading systems and they worked with the broker. So they're the middle man boring and spuck and I don't know anything about it. I just cannot explain it. There's the programmers and then there's the brokers. And then they don't talk the same language.

So I had to have knowledge of both and I was the middle man. So I would take what they want to tell the programmers and we build it out and put it. And when I say that as well, it sounds like more than I'd get. Sure, sure. I kind of tiptoed around, of course. But I kept failing up. And then they gave me a, I was an assistant vice president. What? I was there. I was there four years. I was in the middle. Maybe they were grooming you to be a fall guy. I don't know. They had to do your emails. You have enough experience to be a fall guy. I don't know what the liquor they had in your emails. You have enough experience to be a vice president. Yeah, just sign here.

You, the guy who literally in the cafeteria to save money, would take a dixie cup and instead of filling it with Diet Coke, I'd take the chicken figure tray, dump it in there, throw out the tray, cap it, put a straw in there, and pay one dollar for a Diet Coke that was six chicken fingers. Sweating my bowl for all because if I was cold out there, I don't know what really would happen. Yeah, that's tough.

We said somewhere now. Say five bowls. Say five bowls. I love soda. Yeah. That's how I love all the tricks. I'm late. And before I would go to my desk late, I would say I would just go into the bathroom, drop

all my stuff in a stall. And then I was supposed to say nine or whatever. I like nine, twenty, when I got in late, I dropped all my stuff in a stall. And then I was supposed to say, say, nine or whatever, I like, nine, 20 when I got in late, I dropped all my stuff in a stall, then I'd walk back to my desk with a paper and just be like, oh, just, I was in a bathroom. Nice. And then a little bit late, I'd run back and go,

yeah. Anyway, so they promoted me. So, yeah, yeah, yeah. I loved fail. It is very fun to find the bullshit, like how to just not do shit. I mean, I was a paralegal for a mortgage company. And this was during the like, you know, when they were just taking people's houses,

like it was right after the crisis. And the more it was like a mortgage law firm, but it was like, you got anyone who's good. Yeah, I mean, it was literally, I was a telemarketer for something called American government mortgage before the crisis that was directly leading to it. Right. And then I worked as a paralegal.

Legal. No, I worked paralegal. And my firm's like, yeah, I come work as law firm. It's pretty chill, whatever. They were evicting people. And I was like, I can't be a part of it. Like morally, I don't want to be a part of this. So I was just like, I'm just going to stop working.

And you know, maybe I'll get a couple of paychecks out of it. And they didn't fire me for like nine months, dude. Oh wow. It's like all you have to, in these corporate environments, you just kind of have to be and maybe I'll get a couple of paychecks out of it. And they didn't fire me for like nine months, dude. It's like all you have to, in these corporate environments, you just kind of have to be like a fun person. Yeah, yeah. Like people have to like you,

they have to like, the work does not matter. You can go years with the work not matter. It's so awesome. I was the guy who was a comic, right? Yeah. Because I was doing comedy and like I was writing comedy and doing sketch and stuff.

And I had shows so people would come. So I was the guy. So I was writing comedy and doing sketch and stuff And I had shows so people come so I was the guy So they were having a hiring bananas. That's an official word The other thing that pulled me away from my entry job that businesses announced they hired like a hundred and forty people in one summer So I jumped on there But then I was the comedic relief and they would do cool stuff once a while like have like You know a day that was a pot lock or something whatever for whatever reason and they play games or have raffles some stupid shit So we would do like who wants to be a millionaire and they'd be like oh sour host it for the whole floor

Right, right, nice. I remember one time we did the one where you supposed to mean to people that week is link Yes, the week is link that British bitch Yeah, yeah, I wonder how many people develop like sub fantasies. Is it a result of that? Oh, yeah, they probably had to be so many subs watching this show. Because it didn't, it never made me horny, but I was like, there's something, I don't hate this that much.

I was like, this is peaking my interest, maybe if she had bigger tits, I'd be in. But there was like, it was the first way over the end. Yeah, it was like, in the town of New York, and they're like, rock, chestress, she's like, no, you piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there was that famous, there was a great Will Farrell,

he played her on SNL, there was a great SNL sketch, at least I thought it was great when I was in seventh grade when it was going on. On short. I do remember that, that lady's energy being like, yeah, this, plenty of people would pay for her to call their cocks pathetic while they jogging. Oh, that's how she's at.

She exists. Yeah, yeah. There is that version of them out there, like the British older British. For sure, for sure. You know, I surfed, you know. You surfed? Yeah.

No, but, and then so you were doing that. You were doing the weakest link, yeah. And then I was like, oh, I mean, that means I've been so comfortable. Yeah, yeah. It's to a degree. And I did. And then I was like, oh, I mean, that means I've been so comfortable. It's true a degree. And I did. And they liked it. But I went in hard on someone,

one of the person that everyone hated, they were like a big boss. And she didn't like it. And then like everyone's laughing. And we had the music, didn't it, didn't it? Like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she was like, all right, well,

he's the comedian of the group. Like, I was like, oh, god. You know, you know what I'm saying? But I just, again, I just was like, bull, and I did, you know, stayed under the radar. And I was like, I can't do this. Of course. So they were having layoffs with severance.

So I was like, I'll say if someone's job here. You just, could you, you can say me? Yeah, at that point. Because as fast as they hired, like two years later, they were like, oh, we don't have the budget. Right, right. And then they fired, like not they, they were laying off people. Then I chose to be laid off, got a severance. And then, like a couple of weeks later, they called me and said, do I want to come back as a consultant? And it paid literally paid 65% more than I was making. I was making, I was making like,

I just had gotten that promotion. And they of my players, and they did it formally with a letter and everything. And then I got like, I was making like around like 60, low 60s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's hilarious. 2000 and. To call someone an assisted vice president, pay them $60,000. Yeah, well, this was 2000 and, uh,

what was that? 2000. 2003 is, you know, so for me, I was 20, still, yeah, yeah. But I was like, no, and it's I left and then they were like, and then they came going back to the console, we wanted to consult and work for 100,000. And I, I, what a beautiful system.

I, what an, and you know, they got that money, like, some old lady, like, bought stocks, trying to retire. And they, they sold their bullshit. They're like, and they're like, oh, yeah, we, retire. And they sold their bullshit. And they were like, oh, yeah, we have the extra extra money to have Sal come in and tell us, what would you even consult on? I don't even know.

What, I think it was like my exact job. You had the, you had the, I mean, yeah, I mean, that's exactly how the way I know such bullshit, dude. I didn't know shit. Yeah, I know, I'm a fucking shit, bro. I had a book about mutual funds. I'm gonna get my guess. I'm not shitting you like a textbook like Yeah, I get right back to you and I literally go look it up

I have to tell you buzzword and that's so fun. Yeah, it's yeah, I just I Just so many little looks to hide you had the opposite of what happened to Eldis. Eldis, remember that shit dude? You basically, Eldis just, he was worked somewhere. Again, we lived together at the time, so I remember him being like, can't wait for, they're laying people off and he's crossing his fingers. You didn't get, remember you didn't get the first round of layoffs, right?

Yeah. And then he was so pissed he didn't get laid off. And then you get laid off, best day of his fucking life, you know, uh, and then, and then they, later he has to come back. What was it you had to come back and then you were applying for jobs. He works for the fucking company that did a hostile takeover of his company. Had, had shed, had slashed, had slashed like, uh, uh, salaries. Right. So, Elders went back to a shittier,

less paying a harder version of his whole job with his fucking tail between his legs. And he was out here, we were living together, he was out here. And it was like the company that hired him, their whole strategy was like, you know, oh, we gotta get clicks. Like, you know, people have to read our stuff.

It was this most, no one is reading the news on the internet. And no one's going to this Boot like ass website right right it was like and and elders would have to Furniture dot com dude it was so fucking I don't want to say it just whatever but it was Truly no one on earth would ever be like what's going on today? Let me go on this website To fucking and so elders would we would't be like hanging out in the fucking

We read the room everyone's like and the living room watching TV and now just like hey guys. I need the TV I have to do I have to make a slideshow or like a carousel Post about the CMAs you'd have to cover every fucking every Gallery's about a word show a lot alive winners list and like red carpet. I was just like, download things off-getting images and like add it to this. It would be like this gallery than that. Yeah, it's hilarious.

One time, Sov was like, I was rookie on one of these and he was like, this is hilarious. If you guys like website completely went under tomorrow, no one would notice. Yeah. And since I started working with Stop like, that literally happened. That was like, they're like, they're like, we're not gonna do any more content.

Yeah. We're just gonna focus on the other shit. And like, the content completely did go away. Yeah. And no one gave a fuck whatsoever. It was like, oh, he's an employee of the month. He got four clicks. No one gave a fuck whatsoever. It was like, oh, he's an employee of the month. He got four clicks.

No, literally, how many clicks would these galleries get? Like, it depends, but, you know, on average, you're probably gonna like a couple of thousand clicks or something. If we had something, if we had something like, his full-time job, could you imagine that?

Yeah, yeah. And he worked hard on it. How did that go on to day two? Yeah. It was such a house of cards. Like on a good day, we get like, you know, if we got like 30, 40,000 views on an article, that was a good day.

Oh, you're walking around. Yeah. I'm taking an extra 10 minutes to launch. My favorite was the funniest thing that happened was that, like, what was the Michael Jackson thing? Where was like, because it was like local affiliates too. Or was it Arkelli?

It was like, there was like something about like people in Jair and Trouble, like artists with like, you know, dark. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Something so like, and like, and like, and this is my chance to fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and like, it was like a local affiliate of it would refuse like it like the Atlanta station was like We will not bad mouth arc Kelly

Like we will not put this on our fucking website Really you guys are still holding it down for our Kelly sometimes I only think that's gonna get you click Yeah, sometimes like I would cover like the presidential debate This was like the the red carpet and the fucking bread and the politics correspondent for literally a website no one read Yeah, like I don't even know how those Kado people would even get this hilarious as any political shit We had to like soft-shoot Trump so hard because like our readers like very conservative At least it's like has something to do with the world. I hate it. I had nothing no connection didn't want to be there Yeah, like it don't know why I got what? Don't know why it goes back to choosing finance. I don't want to do any of that. I've never applied it ever.

You had a nice little one. I love that job after four years. And then that's it. I said I want to focus on comedy, so I became a bartender. And that was the end of that. I didn't take the hundred thousand. My parents like you got to be kidding me. You got to take that.

And you were living where you taking the fairion? What are you doing? Were you living in Sen Island? And a good day, bro. Wow. You have taken the Ferri and what? Hey, it's time I looked out. My building was one New York Plaza. It is the very first building off of the Ferri. That's awesome.

So, you know, just it was real easy. But my boy used to come, it was fun working there. It was like the Wild West one of course. Like, you know what I'm saying? And my boy who worked in the cubicle with me was from Staten Island too. We had three guys in the cubicle. And he smoked, like I didn't really start smoking weed until like late, late in life, like 2018, right?

But this dude, I'm talking 23 years ago, he smoked blunts, chain smoked blunts. Right? And I didn't really smoke. That was definitely a type of guy in the 2000s. Yeah. Because it was like, it was not a joint. That was definitely a type of guy in the 2000s. Because it was like, it was not a joint. No, no, no.

Like, it blunts. And these are guys that can't get their lives together at all, right? They're constantly. Go to love the kid, man. But like, they have nothing. You know, you ask them, like, hey, my mother will die if you don't mail this letter in in two weeks. Yeah.

Can I trust you to do that? Yeah. They will not. But at a time when it was hard to get weed, yeah, these guys had like they were never out of weed. Yeah. That was the one thing they were and it's not like you would go to a store. You'd have to track down a guy. These guys would have like four different dealers. They were professionals at that and just that. Insane stuff. They would have like a human door. They would keep their weed in a humidor, and it was just like, it was crazy. But then even our first supervisor, the first level up from us, our supervisor,

he would go at lunch, just smoke, come back, blood, blood shot on us. He was like 30 years old, and then he would come back with blood shot eyes, I can't say that. And then he'd just walk around the floor, literally roasting everybody and saying inappropriate shit for the rest of the day from one to five. Yeah.

I mean inappropriate shit. Yeah. Like he turned around one time and went, anybody got a big dick right? I mean, there's 200 people in the floor. He goes, anything over six inches, I'm sucking. That's awesome. You used to call me and the other two guys and he was our supervisor. Yeah.

He used to be a cab driver and he worked down there and it was, he was like 20 something years in and he just, me and the three guys, he would be like, whenever you're wanting to be a cab driver and then you know, wow and he worked down then it was he was like 20 something years in And he just the me and the three guys now he would be like whenever you want to see be like ladies Get away with that of course of course at one point He pissed me off so bad because I was trying he's the person I had to train me So I got zero training of course zero Yeah, and I had to like then like Africa. I knew what the hell was going on It was all his fault. Yeah, got started to get mech because he smoked every single

yeah what you do but he couldn't even answer my questions right right right and then I look like an asshole so then I started to get man you come and be an appropriate so I started taking a log of everything he said and I would write down the date and the time I would never do anything yeah but he pissed you off and if you ever crossed me to me, right? You didn't have this People like why the fuck didn't you come to a sooner? Just keeping this for revenge. You're letting this guy ask women if he can smell their The seat after they get up He did that. Yeah, I believe that yeah

Yeah Very traditional. Yeah, get up. I got so much money. He he he used to say that. That's a class that everyone was like that. But also everyone was just like, yeah, it was crazy. But um, but so what's what's what's bachelor's sound doing? Are you you're in one New York Plaza? You got this 60K a year. What's it like bro fresh out of St. John's? What are we looking like? I mean you got you got what are we doing with our hair? Yeah, I'm a facial hair. We do college, I had like the Eddie Vetter thing going on. That was long as I started the Heart of Gruns. You know, no joke I had here.

I had hair down to here, bro. I could pull up the pole though. That's awesome. I have it on my phone down to here. That's fucking sick. And then when I get out of college, I had to go into the workforce so I cut it. And then I, you know, I came a little bit more of like, I was never like a Guitau guy, like Staten Island guy

Yeah, I like you know, oh, so like my nickname Sally retro But that dates back to high school because I My first girlfriend was like into like vintage stuff. Yeah, like first girl was 65 years old Vintage She would let me borrow her blouse. Yeah. We used to go to the Salvation Army. It's like these places in the city that sell like used like vintage shit.

And so I would dress like that, but not a lot of people that sell all the time. Of course. Of course. You were a trailblazer. I was sometimes with bell bottoms. I was with those old leather jackets that like like like Reverend Jim Warren taxi.

Yeah. I would be like that. Or sometimes I would wear like the big collar polyester shit. Mm-hmm. Dude, I'm not kidding. I used to wear literal like leisure suits sometimes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm looking to school with a like literally a light,

like a seafoam green leezer shirt. That's awesome. It's a tough one to get. Yeah, leisure suit. Leisure suit. Yeah. And so my buddy's gonna call me retro and then that just stuck.

So that's what I look like. I didn't fit in at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I I was you know, I was friends with her, but I didn't fit in at all What do you think that was about why do you have to be so different retro style? I don't think I had to I just think like I I I she I gravitated toward it. I liked it. Mm-hmm. I liked it I didn't you know, so I just kind of that that really was what I liked because I mean I say it because like I Had a little bit of that because I grew up in Greek town where it wasn't Staten Island, but it was like definitely the predominant thing was

Guido like we don't like right like Greek people have Greek America We have a lot in common like how Italian Americans present themselves that was definitely go We had a lot of frosted tips a lot of like seizures Yeah, you know what I mean like a lot of that shit was going on. And I definitely, I wasn't quite, I didn't have the access to, you know, like the, but I definitely, we were definitely kind of getting into thrift. Like we wanted to be,

because this is like, and this is like, you know, not to date you, but this is a, you know, a couple of years later, but it's the same thing. Like we're talking about the mid 2000s for me. And the nine, you know, the nine, probably 10 years later, whatever. But it was the same thing of like, because for me, it was like, I need people to know I'm better than these people. That's what I'm saying. It's like, there was part of me that's like, I am not one of these animals. So it's like, I'm wearing a led supplement shirt, you know what I mean?

Like, I, like, it started there. Like, I definitely had this, and then there's also, I guess there's another thing of like, I went to Baltimore City Schools, you're one, it's 85% black. So, the way like, white people expect a certain thing from black people, black people expect a certain thing from their white people. So I was kind of playing the part a little bit too,

where I'm like, like on the football team, I'm talking about how much I love Black Sabbath. They're like, yeah, we have a white boy that loses the Black Sabbath on our team. You know, like, and they think it's like Satanic. Right, right. They're all religion. They all like grandma's to make them go to church

for four hours. They're like, damn, we got a crazy white boy. With long hair that listens to the devil's music. Meanwhile, beans, greens, potatoes, potatoes, hands, hands, hands. 100%. Meanwhile, beans, greens, hood, and my dads carry out. I have a loftier goal. One day, I'll be talking about my penis from sea to shining sea.

One day, I'll be talking about not getting hard in every major city in America to thousands of people. I need them to know I was born for more. And then it was also like, I also just want to, I was just performing a little bit for my black friends, performing like getting into classic rock and stuff like that, even though I was big, it was like, I went to Greece one summer and listened to my,

cousins albums and then I was like, this is my personal life for two years. I don't listen to 50 Cent anymore, which I did. And then I was like, and then in college, I was like, what am I doing? I was like then I was and then in college I was like what am I doing? Yeah, I was like I am this I am sort of this guy I am a little more like my you know, Guido and I am better than them Let me be very clear if we grew up together and you're running your father's carry out

I am better than you I was at the time. I still am that's that's just perfect But but there was just like a little, I just felt like for me, so that's why I don't want to like project on to you. No, no, because it was all about, was there a little bit of that? Like did you feel like, you're not, because you're also, you know,

south of all kind of very Italian in, but you're half, what is it? What are we talking about? I'm Cuban. Cuban Puerto Rican. Cuban Puerto Rican Italian, right? Yeah, and then also a little bit of actual Spanish, but Cuban Puerto Rican part of it. Yeah, yeah. So like is there saw a little bit of actual Spanish, but Cuban Puerto Rican part.

Yeah, so like is there like a little bit of that too, where you're just like, I just, you know, is everyone just a, is everyone like that one guy who got mad at Robert De Niro for saying, fuck Donald Trump? Right, that's what I think of a satin island, right? Like so is there a little bit of you being like, I have to differentiate myself here?

Well, nothing was political ever. Ever, like I don't think I had a political conversation until the three years. So my parents weren't political. No, I talked to was political. I didn't even really get the big division between parties. It just was, I didn't grow up in politics.

It was just you're a dicker or not. I didn't hang out with Dick, so I'll tell you that. I'm sure it just wasn't me. But I did feel, I think in high school, there was more of, oh, what am I supposed to wear to match everybody? But like in college, just kind of, once I like, you know, once I got a,

I guess like a girlfriend, and once I kind of like started to be able to have some freedom and go out and shit. I don't know, I just would find myself going to the city, going to the Lower East Side and stuff. And I asked you to get, it wasn't like you, it's like, oh, we got a guy black Saturday, they would make fun of me.

But anyway, I was the, yeah. So you weren't into, there was not like a scene of those people. You were in, say, Johnson's like, what the fuck's going on with this guy? Yeah, that was the right, you were my closest friends. We were like, how are you going to write poetry?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're gonna have to write poetry. Yeah. I used to get drunk and write like, like, to drunk. I was drunk and do poems. Yeah. I was doing acting. I was taking writing classes.

I was doing a little stand-up. I was doing, you know, I was writing short films. I made a bunch of short films. Yeah, yeah. I was like, in today, I was going to foreign teams. Yeah, yeah. And I like jazz. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I'm going to be wrong. Like old school hip hop. Like I like a lot of music. Sure. Like, like, I really into it. But like, I used to go to like jazz clubs sometimes. Right. They would have a field day with it.

Of course. That is a little, if you're doing that stuff in college It is a little bit for people to see you as the guy who does that. I wouldn't even tell him You know I wasn't like did you ever see if you need to leave your Your Sleep yeah, you see it. You know I think I know the talk about Roy Donk. Yes the sketch with with Tim Tim hi Daker. Yes, where he's just being the guy dropped in.

Not that he knows. Not that he knows. Yeah, yeah. I just would go and not even tell them. But I got into it. I would make friends there. There was this place, Small's Jazz Club. It was down on Grove, right off the 7th Avenue right there.

And it was legendary, famous. and it would open up at like 10 and it would stay open till daylight like in the morning and There were nights. They had like open playing and so musicians from good to bad would go and you would just hang and it was B.Y.O.B. It was cool man. Yeah, that's fine. I once saw Max Roach She was like the most legendary jazz drummer of all all time you're doing it right now by the way You're doing the Roy Dong thing right now Wow Max Roach get the fuck out of here sound really You know but everyone else whatever right so but I used to go and and people stayed through the goddamn next I get like a six pack of hind again Sometimes I go home. Sometimes I'll go like on a date or whatever

And then I just drink and watch it and then I realized there's five dollars to get in unless you were playing So I just come but then they never followed up Once you got in as long as you walked in with you come in with you come in with a case that's just full of Like a Wasn't even that it was pathetic, but they allowed it. I brought spoons. I swear to Christ, I'll get a fly. Yeah.

They mock me and I pay $5. Yeah. And I said, I'm gonna play tonight. He goes, what do you got? I was like, I play spoons. That's incredible. And it wasn't two spoons. It was like the whole set.

No, no, it's like these spoons that were connected. I don't know if it's like, I don't know if that's the proper instrument or just bought something that was over. But it was these spoons that almost were connected already like clackers. Yeah, like that, right? So, do you ever give them a whirl?

He left, I did. I'm telling you right now. I didn't do it there. I told him he left, I was like, and he's like, go ahead, get in there. And then after that, they knew me and I didn't do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But my boys are in this band called the Budo Spand.

The Budo Spand. The Budo Spand, the bearded ones. They started it 20 years ago. They went to public school and stand on. They're all about my age, maybe a little older. It's Afro Funk. They were inspired by this band called Antiballus. Like, these really good bands, right?

And they became fucking an amazing band. They now have 10 albums. They're still doing it. They tore the globe. And they were on this. Now it's going to sound like I'm doing I'm like you're on the daptone label at a Brooklyn. You know like any one house. Oh cool. Yeah. A lot of them were in her band. I don't know if you know Sharon Jones or Charles Bradley. Yeah. I actually do. But that was their label and they're on that, you know, cool. And they ripped. That's awesome. It's so that's so goddamn good And so one time I was like can I come on stage and play the spoons?

And then my friends are like yeah, they set up a mic at like thigh level And I went up there in the middle of like a sold-out concert like yeah that that's how they're playing something like maybe like bow Like it was like 600 people. Yeah, yeah I just went up and like played the spoon. That's awesome. Like, you know what? But were you on TV at the time? Or are you just their boy? When I did that.

Either way, it's funny. When I, it's funny either way. Yeah, yeah. Because if you were, especially if you were like, just starting with impractical jokers and you weren't like known on your, in your own right as a standup, if people are like, I came to the show.

And a guy I've seen, doing some of my dentist's office. He's playing the spoons. It's like, what the fuck is going on? That must have been like, that's beautiful. You know what I mean? Absolutely. I'm trying to get the into play on the crew.

We're doing the cruise. I think I, do I have to talk to you about the cruise? No, no. We would love to have you, but it's, I don't know if you have been on. Cruises are a tough self for me, my friends. I know I've been on one outside of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah This is our fifth cruise. We used to do them every year until COVID and I don't even do them again

Yeah, yeah, but we curate the whole thing nice like it's just a hundred percent hours the boat is out I must be commenting the boat and we book I basically made a Comedy Festival. Yeah, yeah, like 15 comics every time like three four bands three four DJs It's a insane party. It's just being on it And I don't want to you're here partly to plug this and I don't want to be like yeah cruise It's seem like fucking bullshit to me fundamentally. Okay, so yeah Country's co-hosting about this. Oh sure Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't have like this big names. I can't announce him yet

Though it's just same time this comes out. It'll be out, cool. Yeah, I just like, to me, fundamentally, a cruise is one of the worst possible things you could describe to me. I would think so. You know where it's like, now your cruise is one I would consider. Yeah. I also think like on a cruise like that,

it's a double edge sort of like, it's kind of like your track. It's like, there's no going away from the fans, you're kind of trapped there. It's commitment. But I learn how to do it. We learn. First of all, I make myself accessible immediately.

Not like flood me, but like you're around. As we leave, we get on stage. I'm doing like a, like we address everybody. And it's just like, look, this is this four nights, five days. We're gonna be around. I'm doing 16 shows on the scene. Podcasts and this. Who's that right there? I jump off the boat. No, you don't have to do that. around, I'm doing 16 shows on the single team podcast. And this and that right there, I jump off the boat.

No, you don't have to do that. Yeah, I do. Yeah, I just want to be, I don't have to. Of course, you want to do it. You don't have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I give everything, I always lose my voice and get sick by the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I'm just like, you will see us don't cook, you know, like, I trust me, like, just be chill. This, be chill. You want to set the tone here. Yeah, and like, we're all here, we're all not going all not going on we don't want to make you walk the plank that's really asking for too many selfies and then we do it I go I go and it's cool I end up walking around just some people go every year like I see you know they book their vacation around them so I want to shop for them yeah yeah but uh it's fun you know we I do also have a floor of my own that's huge yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah own. That's huge. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a pool up there and we can eat up there,

but you need that respite. But also they have security guards with us. So we also go to the back channels. Right, so it's very, for me, it's. Own floors huge. It's you own floors huge. Yeah, you know, a boat with nothing but your fans. You could probably get your dick sucked

maybe five times a day, easy. Yeah, I would say probably more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say it's your dick day easy. Yeah, I would say probably more. Yeah, yeah. I'd say if your dick is out, and you take it out, you could be like, I'm going in this corner with my dick out. Yeah. Well, there'll be a screening process.

I have a, I'll have a, I'll have a, if it was me, eldest will be checking. I will, I will let him, he will be on FaceTime. won't be able to see me he'll put the camera on to you I will give him a nod or I will give him a thumbs down if you get the nod come over suck me off Even when I got on Television I'm so neurotic you're a guy? You feel like you might be yeah When I'm not dating like a serial monogamous guy or I wouldn't say serial, but I've been in like I It's there. I've been in three three pretty long-term relationships. Okay, okay

Um, and they've been pretty long like like six 1210 And they've been pretty long like like six 12 10 damn bro. Yeah, and there's years in between and when it when I'm not doing it With a girlfriend's like Caligula. Yeah We do don't but I've heard it said oh yeah, well, let me tell you this Caligula. I believe I mean I'm kidding around but damn Helen Mirren's breasts are in that movie really as a young woman Well, that's what I mean like when I don't have a girlfriend, I'm always sucking on her breasts. Yeah, you've been, yeah, you're on again with Dame Hell and Mirings, what you're saying. You're seeing some movie. No, no, yeah, I mean, you know, well, there must have been a

sick moment because like I also envy the, like, there was definitely a moment for you where it was like, oh, I am now famous, right? Yeah. Because it was like, and you got to be on TV, you got to make your own show with your friends. Because I envy that, and there must have been a thing of, like, I'm gonna have the sickest year of my life. Right after that, you know what I mean? Where you work, Caligula, you know what I mean? No, no, because I was in long-term relationships.

Oh, oh, oh, I see. And I never popped. No, I don't really, I don't really, you know, I stay, stay loyal. Of course. You don't seem like a cheater to me at all. No. I try to stay. Which is interesting to do a podcast with Derosa and Stephanie.

It's like, you're pure energy. It cancels them out barely. You're like, you're to the mass. You're like, between us you're to the mass. You're like, I'm between us. We don't cheat, but only because of how faithful I am. I'm keeping us together. I know he didn't look at all the people that I eyes. No, but also like I was weary of meeting someone brand new that you need for that.

And I'm telling you it's a real thing. Well, I mean, you know what, you're famous now. I mean, you really are. I mean, but that's the funny thing is like it was cool for you because it's like you made this show. You worked hard on it. You and your friends were in this group forever. Like it felt, it must have been like this accomplishment.

We're like literally, it was, we just started posting on TikTok. And like, don't get me wrong, I definitely had people come up and because of come down and stuff like that. But it was a year of posting on TikTok. And it was just like one day, people started coming up to me. And I was like, huh, this is weird.

Like it literally happened in Vegas, where I was like, oh, it's Vegas, people have a lot of people are coming. And then I was like like working on some short film and people were just like coming up to me I was like this is strange and then I was just like I've just had to make like it's the way it's a very strange thing to be like Because you know you're supposed to have a TV show you have like a movie or like and I guess my special did well But it wasn't like you know my special was everywhere. It's still was like a niche thing and but it was just like this I mean millions and millions and millions of yeah, but you know what my special was everywhere. It still was like a niche thing. And, but it was just like this weird thing. I mean, millions and millions and millions of millions of years. Yeah, but you know what I'm saying?

It was like, it's just a weird thing of like, your brain. It's just like, yeah, I guess, I just do it from posting. Yeah. From posting, I'm famous. Right. Like that, fuck with my head. And yes, and now it's a little different though, because yeah, I do think in a weird way, it helps you,

where it's like people kind of know you from the internet, they don't fully, but like you guys, they have like, they really are in there, yeah. Maybe me, exactly. For that long. And with their friends of any, like, laughing and saying.

And that's such a fun thing. You guys really distill what people love about podcasts on that show in a weird way. Like I think that's, I mean, that's part of the success I think, is that like that it is just having a good ass time with your boys. And they do feel like they know you I would assume the same way of podcasts. And then you go on the reality and I know those of me and my friends, or I want to hang out with those guys.

And so people are, it's amazing, like they love you. I'm so appreciative of it, but it is crazy too, because it's just, you know, double edge, you know, because there's no filter. Like, they just know like it's just whatever they want, whenever they want, doesn't matter what I'm doing, where I am, like I'll get punched. And I'll turn around and some guy out of his phone,

I'll be like, I mean, he already has it out. I get punched, I turn, I see a guy, he goes, talk to my wife. Oh my God. The my god, yeah. The statin' I don't think doesn't help either. I guess it's not what I'm saying, cause that'll happen on stage. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm, you know, but I'll swear it's, you know, it is what it is. But no, I remember the first time, it was less than two weeks, it was two weeks after the show began to air. It's only two episodes had air. Oh cool. And I flew to San Francisco with my dad to visit family.

And we were walking down by the, like the warmth down there, by the prison or whatever. And we're walking, like five or six, we're walking one way. And I hear someone behind me, a girl goes, Sal, and I just was like, I can't be. And I just kept walking, I heard Sal.

I turn around, it's like a young girl and like two other guys I think. And like, oh my god, it is and they came up and wow and I go Did we go to school? Do you recognize me? Show she goes no, I know I heard your voice. I recognize your voice that happens to me and I was like no movie theater if I laugh Yeah, that's my like I get people won't know I'm there and then they'll hear me You know we'll go get fucking high watch the dumbest movie of all time right and I'll just have and people will just be like like

echo location afterwards be like dude yeah you're gonna see the Meg 2 as well I won't see it why because I saw the Meg 1 and I thought it was horrible. Meg 2's good. I thought it was horrible. Well, I would say it's better than the Meg, the first Meg for sure. In fact, I did not see the first Meg. I just saw the choice for the Meg 2 and I was like, yes.

No, that's why I went to the Meg one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I watched it, I was like, this felt like, literally like, like AI wrote it. It just was like so bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you're not wrong. Well, they made a sequel so bad, they could.

But you know, it's, you know, now there's, I don't know if you know this, they actually got into a deeper trench with even more large sharks. You know, so I didn't think you would go that way. Yeah, yeah. It's, yeah, it's just much. And, but here's the sick thing, Jason Statham fights sharks with a sword

That was what hooked me in the trailer was he could just got a sword out He's about to fight a giant shark. It's like I will see how I got some new weed and like last night. I was like pretty strong weed and last night I smoked it and I never really Have any time to myself except for late at night. So usually my girl goes to bed like sometime between like 10 and 12. And I'm always like used to be 12. But now I'm in the window of 10 to 12.

Yeah, yeah. But like sometimes like she went to bed less than I was in tired and I was like, this is the only time. This is the only time I feel like like this has some connective tissue to my life. To retro-sau. Yeah. And so like I feel like like this has some connective tissue to my life to retro. So yeah I was like I'm gonna watch I made this wish list on Apple TV of all these old movies I never saw starting from like a 50s I love it through the 80s 90s send me that list

I will and then but then it's also like ones I want to rewatch yeah Yeah, but you know it's that thing where it's too much to choose from and I was high Yeah, so no joke less than I watched no joke. I got watched like 30 trailers At first to be like let me see if I want to do this. Yeah Yeah, yeah, that was fun and I always I have a rule that I have it has to be at least three options Okay, so if I'm like I'll keep that as an option and I'll go until I get it Yes, yes, but I was high and then I kept and I was like I'm like, I'll keep that as an option. And I'll go until I get it. But I was high. And then I kept and I was like, I'm enjoying the trails. Like, I'm doing like doing Cliff Notes. I remember that. I get that. Yeah.

Yeah. I watch like Robo Cobb, Command O, Leito, Leaple, and like, I watch it. I tell them, and then I was just like, I'm just keep watching trails. Yeah. And I just watch like 25 trailers. That's what the best. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah really accomplished. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, no, that's like making a meal of just the free samples at Costco. You know, just being like, just putting them in a big bowl

and being like, here's a chicken bake, here's a little piece of lemon meringue pie, here's a fucking tortilla chip. Exactly. Costco is amazing. The best. I love Costco. Big Costco guys around here.

Me too. Yeah. Because they get it right. The first of all, the rotiss I love Costco. Big Costco guys around here. Me too. Yeah. They, they, because they get it right. The roti, first of all, the rotisserie is great. Yeah. But also, they're pizza, the hot dog, it's chicken bake. Don't get me started on the chicken bake. It's, as a fat child. Yeah. I, could, there was nothing I, I looked forward to more than my parents. Yeah, bringing me like, yeah, getting to go to Costco and having a 750 calorie chicken bake snack. You know what I mean?

Like this thing that was like the length of my arm. Well, I was like, I need that. I never wanted to paint my man. Yeah, bakeries top notch. And so don't sleep on the liquor either. Oh. Did you know that they actually buy name brand liquor and license it onto their own bottle?

Or it into their own bottles. So it's, so they, you're drinking like kettle when you buy them. So whatever it is. It's the reverse of being in a frat, where it's like you could pop off into a gray goose bottle. Not Kirkland, Kirkland takes gray goose puts it in their bottle.

I once worked at this bar that had me do that and I like her, used to do it. I saw it. Because I had the patrons coming in and knew me. I didn't want to do that. And I was like, this is fun. A man of honor. I was like this is a man of honor A man of honor working it fucking Merrill Lynch or wherever for five years. No qualms there

Letting his bones actually harassed everyone on the floor. I would look up celebrities. I swear to god All day long was who we play who's good find the biggest celebrity's personal information and We didn't do anything of course like or or or who can find the funniest name of an employee And I got you right now my two my two golden goose's yes, we're hildecock ram Graham great, would you think it's a great name step aside here comes Luba cunts right. Which you think is a great name step aside. Here comes Luba Cunts. L-U-B-A-K-U-N-T-Z, Luba Cunts. Beautiful. I mean, I found that name 23 years ago. You should have put in a locket with the heart and just open it up. It just says Luba Cunts. Like someone, if you know Luba Cunts, she used to work with Sound 20 years ago. Yeah, she didn't work.

I went like company-wide It was like the company wide. Oh, anyone that ever worked for the company. Damn, we have to look up Lubacanselders. Yeah. That's so I love to, I have many more questions you got to come back. Yes, babe. But we have to get to, you know, both of us

are on a tight schedule here, you know. We have to get to, we have to get to, we need your expertise with our callers here. Okay. I would, I would be remissed not to have the, the true king of statinon. That's right. Take that, Pete Davidson. It's also a college, Joseph and the Wu-Tang clan. Wu-Tang, you know, and, and, and, and, and Christina Galera lived there at times. Doesn't count it on. You know that. You cannot even begin the clan, Melissa and Lana. They won't, they won't, uh,'t yeah they won't say that yeah just look I just I you

can't give it to a guy that you can't give stat not king of set island to a guy that looks like that yeah you know he actually worked for the standout newspaper for years yeah so he's yeah he's legit you know it's funny wasps are a lot what people like that they're like when people say juice control the media, it's a lot of guys who look like colonjos, actually. That's actually who controls the media. That's like, whose uncle really owns it? Yeah.

The writers might be Jewish, but you know, the editors, but the guy who owns a paper looks like colonjos. And then, the very nostalgia, huh? Yeah, exactly. Listen. So his family is, I've known them since before any of this Oh, wow, so his brother is one of my best friends cool, and actually is the he started out at like as a PA on my show Whoa, I knew that he was could do more right but I couldn't just shoot one of them and I had to make them prove himself

Of course, so he came on for a season let I let everybody meet him as a PA the next year was a writer nice Within three years he was the head writer and now he's the director, Collins, but it's so sick. Okay, Casey Joe. That's awesome. And then just give people, I mean, I would think that I've called him.

No, no, of course. I know, but I'm talking about Collins too, but he's just a really good guy. He was really freaking smart. Oh yeah, well the thing is rich people with every advantage are usually pretty nice. Because their lives are so easy. You know what I mean?

Oh, now. Yeah. Yeah. Well, come on, he went to Harvard. Again, I'm sorry. I'm not. He might have got a scholarship. I don't know.

All right, I'll look into the book. Recinded, if you got a scholarship. I have no idea. But I'm just trying to crown you the King of Staten Island. And I'm just, you know, Pete Davies has had too much celebrity pussy, you know, and I think he eliminated himself, I think, as my point.

He's in another strategy. Exactly. So it's like, you're really holding it down. Exactly. That's part of being the true king of statinies. It's not a prestigious position. No, I'm down here. Yeah.

I'm the bowler of the tree. Exactly. Exactly. I got scar. Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I would say it all the time. Exactly exactly I got score Or yeah, that's what I'm saying. I would say it all the time when we first started I would pound that drum of Stan Island because I was because we get a bad rap And I'm like maybe I could like change people's opinion. Oh, so that was my goal really. Yeah, no a little bit honestly

I I Legitimately think of it. You know five percent more fond fondly, thanks only to you, so, you know? I appreciate that. If I percent it's a lot. But you don't know it, you know? You come to it, and I know, but I'll say, I accidentally went to put these on it, and then I was wearing my fucking shades in the,

I was like, what's going on? I was like, what are we doing next? I was like, is this guy like in tripping? Is it your eye again? She's gonna say, I'm like, ring me here. You want, it's like, let me get my readers. Let's play, let's get the king answering some questions to some of his lowly peons. So how is this work today?

This is not streaming. These are voicemails. We do voicemails. We will hear them and they're also transcribed. Yeah. But we like to listen and we kind of review the tape if we need to. Yo, stop, big fan. I'll just cut right to the chase. I recently started a new job. And it's a warehouse job. I like it. It's pretty easy to be honest. And everybody's like really nice, but my one issue is, I guess they're like really masculine.

It's only where I know it to describe it. Because like, they just like do weird shit like sometimes they're like bark and shit so like DMX and like I have autism and I don't know how to do that. This is like I'm getting peeled. What an awesome drop of having autism right there. It's like this guy doesn't understand like basic hellos and these guys are barking at each other. This guy can't read the most straight forward social cues and what the fuck is he supposed to do

to what a grown men are fucking acting like rotwilers? This poor autistic guy dude. This one's on me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's tough. All right, we're gonna try and help our friend here. Wilers this poor autistic guy dude All right, we're gonna try and help our friend here. Let's go I Don't know how to fucking react Like one of my managers he just like Sorry, Barca and me and I was like okay, and I think you guys feeling because I didn't like, I don't know if I'm supposed to blow it back or like, I'll be like, fuck yeah or whatever. But it made me comfortable. And there's like a lot of other shit like this type of jokes that they sell and the shit that they talk about, it's just like,

it's like the Joe Rogan podcast, like everything on one of their conversations, no, it's not the Joe Rogan, but it's like, they're always talking about weird shit, like, that a dead ass conversation about polar bears for about five minutes, and the verdict of the conversation is that they would fuck you up Away to fit in a little bit better because it seems like the people fit in Usually go higher like in the company. Yeah, so like Yeah, I'm trying to give promotions and shit so I want people to like me. Yep.

And I don't really know how to react to this shit. So yeah, thanks, though. That's tough. I would do like a reboot, like a rebranding, like the rest of us do. I'd walk in like the fucking junk god dog. Yeah. Or the team around you. And that's perfect.

Yeah. Yeah, you need to come up with a, use your own powers and come up with an algorithm to a formula for how often to bark. And when your phone goes off, you let off a couple of barks. It's tough to be, I mean, yeah, this is tough for anyone let alone again, a non-autistic, like someone with autism in a place where these social cues are inscrutable.

But I feel like he has a pretty good handle on the situation and it seems like, and I don't know if he's above this, but it seems like all he has to do is bark a little bit and the problem is solved. Like, you know what I mean? Like, you know, I mean, you know, you got a good job. I mean, yeah, it's annoying,

but if you just throw in a couple of whoops, yeah, but it's tough to, a whoop is a heart. Like, you're not gonna come around on the type of people of those aren't your speed of people. Sure. So you just, you know, just bark a little bit. But I think the problem is a misplaced bark could do a lot of damage too.

Oh. You know, it's like, like, for example, if you have an autistic friend, friend who doesn't, it doesn't really matter to them about asking how your day was, but they know to be like, hello, hello Gwen, how was your weekend? You can know how to do that, even though they don't give a fuck at all, but they're like, this is polite, I understand. And to let say I understand it even though it doesn't mean anything to me, it's hard to

be like, depending on the pitch of the bark You must bark back or you'll say or call him a little dick homosexual if he barks a certain way You know, it's a little these these are little a little tough to But just put them in the back or maybe fall into the pack Well, I would say this right if they're in the Rogan zone, and they like talking about obscure shit, you gotta have some kind of autistic, you gotta have some autistic, what's your autistic thing you zero in on?

Start doing a little bit about ancient, how the pyramids were built. Put some of the autism, like super focus on a thing. I'm not trying to get into body building or something like that, but it's like, don't try and become those guys. Try and kind of use what's awesome about you

to kind of win over friends, I think. Like, getting the zone and be like, they like talking about weird shit. Be the guy who has an interesting weird topic. And yes, them being like polar bears will fuck you up. These are not savants, right? It's not going to be hard to impress them. Take the broader conversation and then add a very specific

unique element to it, right? So like, you're talking to like Rogan and I see you talk about hunting. But then tell them how you hunt hummingbirds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what? Yes, learn something strange. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like what? Yes, learn something. My job, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've learned something strange.

Like, I think that's your better bet. And just like, you know, the barking, I really would like to be around these guys and see what's going on. Yeah, that's the thing. Because I feel like, I do feel like I know these guys, I do know there's like, you could just go in there, you know, kind of shit on them, bus balls,

call somebody a bitch, that kind of thing. But that's not you. And I think it's not like, that's not the way to kind of, you don't wanna be faking something that you don't have. So I would just say, try and get into some of these dumb ass conversations with like fun facts. Or what are you into? Are you an elevator autistic guy?

Or are you a train autistic guy? Can you aim that to cars? Because I guarantee you, the great equalizer for me in situations like, because I worked, I was at a machine shop, one of my first jobs, or any time I have to, I'm at some kind of barbecue or friends thing. It's like some of the great equalizers for me has always been sports in a situation like

this. You know, and it's like, do you have any interest that overlap with meatheads at all? And cars might be the, where's the vent dye? Is cars in there? Is it kind of mechanical, you know what I mean? Like, you know, like, is guns in there? Do you like fucking, you you know what I mean? Like, you might, you know, like, it's guns in there, do you like fucking, you know, do you like the mechanism of a gun, can you talk about that?

You don't like the, you know, you don't like to stand your ground aspect of it. You don't want to turn it, you don't want to turn it on a ethnic teenager, like them they might, in their fantasies, if, you know, his daughter, his daughter who he's estranged from, calls and tells him a Puerto Rican was rough with her. This guy's got the fucking magnum ready to go

in his dreams. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you can fit in because it's, and you're right, you're absolutely right about, it's kind of what we were talking about earlier with your job, where being likable, being fun, being the funny guy, it's like, that's always a sheet code, and that is a way, that is a way that like our society is kind of harsher to people that are like either autistic

or asparagus or some shit like that, where it's like, yeah, you don't just being technical, whatever doesn't get rewarded as much as someone who sucks, dick at their job, but it's just a good time. Right. Right. So I would say, I would say, don't try and fake it too much. Just see, get in where you can fit in and see if you can get that Venn diagram of like shit that,

you know, you're into it. Like I've had, I have like a couple of autistic friends who are like, so vans with every like football statistic, every like, and that's just, that's just their thing. You know, now maybe you're not one of those guys, maybe you're a magic, the gathering style one. You know what I mean? I don't know, but I would just say.

I'm magic, the gathering style. All the sticks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you're one of those, I don't know what to tell tell you one of those guys so but that's that would be my advice and you know let Let us know I would it does that work for please call back let us know that it works for you and and if you have any Any problems with that info All this what else we got get us. Let's get a couple cute ones in here. Hey, sadby All this, what else we got? Get us.

Let's get a couple cute ones in here. Hey, Fabby. It's Jen. Hey, Jen. First off, I just want to say you absolutely killed the gorge. Oh, thank you. I went down and saw you for the fully loaded tour. And I flashed you my juicy giant natural's at the end of your

set and you fucking just let me. I think I said nice tips. Anyways, I wanted to pull these guys out. I believe I said nice tips. I'll make it really quick. I've been seeing a guy for I believe I said nice tips. I'll make it really quick. I've been seeing a guy for the last month and a half. Things have been going really well. He checked a lot of boxes for me.

Well, don't worry, there's a month and a half. I just wanted to know. So you would have sucked me off and put this at jeopardy. Maybe I helped your life. Maybe I was too fucked up of drinking and doing mushrooms for four days and eating like shit. Do you do the festival? I did a weekend with Bert.

Oh Bert, okay Bert, yeah. I played one of my worst experiences that I played a rock festival. I was on comedy tent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, it was five stages of rock music going on 100 feet to my right left. And then just people were high laying on the grass. It could even hear me. One of the worst possible situations from flying to Zalindry. Four hours into the river.

I mean, you guys probably had a blast. It was great. That was surreal because it was like, what the fuck's going on here? There's too many people here. But anyway, sorry. Show me your tits again I won't I won't squander the opportunity. I was just too fucked up, but anyway months and a half I've been seeing a guy for the last month and a half things have been going really well

He checked a lot of boxes for me and I just wanted to know and get your advice on how to decipher between a guy that is potentially co-dependent a little bit needy, versus, and maybe even love bombing, versus a guy that's genuine. You're probably wondering what is he doing. You know, things like always picking up the bill, always just cooking meals for me, surprising me with flowers and kids. That's fucking awesome. Planning, you know, the weekend, it much as that is so nice, I just want to get broke into a guy that is needy and kind of buttering me up. I came out of a pretty nasty marriage and the last few years I've been really working on

myself and I'm ready to find a guy that provides a lot of you know healthy love and respect but I just don't know if I'm broken and not seeing the sign. Yeah so if you can help a sister out that would be great. Love you. I do think, I mean I think obviously your head is all fucked up from this bad divorce and you can't trust my kindness Yeah, yeah, my other part gave the autistic kids swirlies Um, I think this is actually pretty simple here, and I think um you You have to enjoy the ride here like you're waiting for the other shoot a drop You're constantly worried you're not to the ride here. Like, you're waiting for the other shoe to drop, you're constantly worried.

You're not to the point where this guy is in a scenario where this guy just really likes you and wants to put his best foot forward and really cares about you and sees a future with you and is treating you as such. You're not even injured. Like, imagine if this is the one and then you've spent the first two months

of this relationship being like, when's he gonna prove that he's a piece of shit? And here's the good news, you've gone through a bad divorce. You're not like a young naive person anymore. You've lived some life. If someone starts being an asshole, you probably have had, you probably believe in yourself enough, you've gone through enough shit

where you can just be like, hey, you're a piece of shit, get it? Why are you behaving this way? Like that's the thing. It's like this quasi-budis shit of like don't work. I mean, my therapist tells me the shit all the time about because I have anxiety too and I get ahead of myself all the time, right?

So I get where you're coming from, not being judgmental here, but I'm just saying enjoy it well in the last and if this guy starts being a dickhead, the deal with him being a dickhead then. Yeah, I guess we've got the actual science. Exactly. You can't decipher yet.

There's no point in putting a brain there. Totally. It's like, yeah, enjoy the spa. And if he starts being fucking weird, tell him the buzz off. I mean, that's really all there is to it. And I know it's like, and, and maybe there's something because you know, you're susceptible to like being gilted. And maybe that's what people did in the past to you where it's like, and maybe there's something because you know you're susceptible to like being gilted, and maybe that's what people did in the past to you

where it's like they did something nice for you, and then you wouldn't stand up for yourself because you felt like you owed it to him. Let me tell you, let's make that clear, you don't know this motherfucker shit. If he starts being a dick, just because he bought a couple fucking fajitas. And you know what I mean?

Like that's not worth staying in a weird fucked up relationship. No, nothing he does. Nothing, no, no, no, no. She's recalibrating right now. Yes. Right? So it's kind of just like, you know, but then again, if she's instinctually feeling that, then that's one thing.

But if she's, like just neurotically feeling it, if she can discern, if she sees actual, like just, neurotically feeling it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If she can discern, if she sees actual, you know, it's something that's really making her feel that way, she might wanna listen to that, but. But all she's described is that being not just, yeah, I know. I'd be with you if she was like, he picks up everything. And he does this, but he's weird when I wanna hang out with my friends.

Right, I keep saying what he's thinking right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He takes, he keeps asking for my location. I do kind of think the one thing that makes me pause here is like, I feel like flowers and gifts is a little too much a month and a half in, but she might be a little older, so maybe just different. Maybe just,

haven't dated. Laming this bitch for no reason. She might be an old piece of shit. No, I'll just say as a general practice, I accept flowers and give some mediums. That's just the thought I had listening to this thing. Flowers and gets does sound a little extra like I said.

Not everyone's the bed style authority, like you were in 27. You know, we wouldn't even get these bitches a lollipop all they're getting from L this is 5 and 3 quarters soft with a little yeast infection on it hopefully hopefully the fucking the medicine worked bitch but you're sucking it either way that's how Sula was back in the dating game I'm never pulling the beast effects and dick out. Yeah, this guy's just a better, better than you, eldest, but I know you mean it's possible, right? But also, it's, but what I'm saying is like, yes, she's, you know, been through a better

relationship, probably sounds like, and I just think the, you're gonna hold back, it's natural, it's new. Yeah. You know, have your reservation natural, it's new. Yeah. You know, have your reservations, keep it in check. Yeah, exactly. But I would just say enjoy this right now, and you owe it to... Just when, if and when, any weird sign start happening, all you do is, you know, behave like an adult and be like, hey, like, what's going on here?

And if you see any of the like, if he even is like, well, what the fuck? Like, I got you all that stuff. If he tries to guilt you over and the second he tries to guilt you or like gaslight you or any of that stuff, then I think you know your instincts might have been correct. But I would say part of maturity is just like not giving in to the anxiety that you gave into when you were younger and letting it ruin this stuff.

And just enjoy it for now. And if it turns bad, it turns bad, but from what I remember, you had a nice pair. And I think they'll get you a nice guy. Another guy to buy you flowers. No strings attached one day. So good luck. And, you know, if I'm wrong, send me, if you don't think I remember exactly what your tips look like feel free to send them in the inbox And I will take another look and let you know for sure

Yeah, that's how I'll know actually I need to see your tips again. I desperately want the next caller to be like Hey, I'm dating this girl month and a half Take her around putting a down on barren stuff and she just flesh I'm cooking it down on Barnard's stuff and she just flesh and it's yeah, she will stop. She will not stop. I want to get us beers at this concert. I just came back in a natural's round. I'm trying to briber with flowers to put her tips away.

When she's not getting it. I'm just gonna... I'm taking it to music, cooking it down. I feel she's using my hands that can't pull up the shirt. Yeah, it's positive. Every time you don't show your tits, he buys you flowers. He's trying to Pavlov's dog you into not putting your pulling your tits out. All right, big L.

Though actually, before that, let's, let's get some plugs out of the way in the middle of the show here. So what do you, what do you want the people to see? We got the cruise coming up. Yeah, the cruise you get tickets at getshipfacedcrues.com. It's like 80% sold, but I'm telling you, it's the party of the year really. They still, what's left over is remember Titanic

where the Irish were dancing underneath? Not the better half. Yeah. Yeah. No, let me get her in the mail. Oh. But the biggest thing is, I'm on tour right now. It's everything's on sale, but I'm filming my special at the Vic theater in Chicago on Saturday, December,

2nd. Those are on sale right now. I love it. And if it's doing well enough, because we shooting it a little earlier, there might be, we might add, I don't know, but tickets can go fast. Right, see it. Right. Right. I don't know but tickets gonna go fast So I'll tell comedy dot com speaking of which we we also like the lower bottom shit We we just also made tickets very affordable because I want people to be able to come see that haven't seen before

So yeah, that's that's on sale right now, and then Starting a YouTube my own YouTube channel. I have the no-pression network where I do the podcasts on Yeah, hey babe and taste buds But starting that see if I could get those numbers up to like a half a meal before I do the special in case I'm releasing it there so the way I'm incentivizing everybody is if you subscribe Starting like next week. I'm going to start giving away Prizes on there, but like of significance like a prop from the show You know autograph shit or like a free tickets to see me or whatever it is a good set visit and I'm picking them from the subscribers on my only on the my YouTube channel.

Savo cano official is the YouTube channel. Savo cano official go and the Vic rules that'll be great. Yeah man I'm fighting. Love that place. We had great shows there. Yeah you should do we when we did when we recorded the special we had the paramount and I ended up doing four shows. Paramount in Austin.

Yeah and I ended up doing four shows. Paramount in Austin. Yeah, and I ended up doing four shows. I really like that. Yeah, it's great. I've only done it at the Moon Tower and stuff, but. No, but the Vick is really good. It's amazing. The Vick is one of my, on the last tour, one of my favorite.

Yeah, it's like one of my favorite. I love it. Yeah, because it's like, I want them right on top. It just feels like that. It definitely feels like it. Those were, I mean, they're both great, but I really love the, the Vic might have been my favorite on the tour other than where we, when we did the special.

I mean, it was fucking amazing. I love that. Oh, wow. Yeah, go see, go see our boy, Sal. And let's take some fucking call. Let's do a couple more questions. We, you know, we do have to go, sorry folks. I have to eat Italian food for friends, birthday dinner. But you pull up that menu in the car, I'll tell

you what. Thanks. Yeah, I can't wait. Hit us with a question, Bigeldo. Hello, Mr. Stavvy. And whoever else is lucky to be on the pod, my name is, I guess, please don't include my name because I'm not trying to dox. Okay, box is always- Boxer boyfriend. Doxer boyfriend.

Here's your real name. Incredible. But yeah, I'm sorry, bleep it twice. Okay, so this nameless person, let's see what her- Oh, I really don't know who else to ask. And I feel like genuinely you can give me some solid fun advice, funniet, funniet advice, and help me out. So, I've been in a relationship for two years.

My boyfriend moved me across the country. Like, we're in it each other, but the one thing that I know bothers him is body count. I have a higher body count than him. We're about the same, but he is younger than me. He's 24. I'm 28. Actually, today's birthday. Brucey.

Agassana. That and. But so. Four. I'm Brucey. I guess, Shanna. That and. Um, but, uh, so, basically, I've been getting them into comedy. Um, how does that come into our body count? Well, so we both have been like fucking around thinking, you know, we just get in, he died in from podcast. Now all of a sudden we're like, wow, we could try stand up too.

Um, and he's know you only think he can and you have to get some to humor but you can't live with the fact that my body counts a few more than him and it's not because like i'm really looking forward to how these narratives intertwined it's like a sign for the yeah we got the George B plot

about body counts and Elaine's doing comedy. All right, go ahead and then Jerry moved his girlfriend across those, let's see how this all comes together. Caught Robert. We're both a track of people. I just was a dumb broad from Florida. I wanted to live my life, you know, and he was just a fun Dolce i like i who wanted to buy some

the kooz here and there and i'm all for that like will still cut it up to the strip of whatever but you can't really handle the humor so i'm not sure at the end of the book and like that but not in the time like in times of like big argument this is the story to be like that's where I am.

Just stuff he's like unlearning, but I just want to know like, I mean I can't remind him like, I don't know, like you got to get over this, but I know it bugs him. Is there anything I could be doing? But like, yeah, it's unconsciously to like try to help him. Like my job, I work with like all gay guys in West Hollywood. So it's not like that threatening there, you know? Um, I don't know. Just is there something I could be doing as a girlfriend?

To just help her get more comfortable. You have a time machine. You would you're going to need a delorean. You fall out of the tree. You fall out of the tree, slap cock out of your hand. Get your mother. And then. All right, is there more to this? No, it's like silly things, but also like, hello, like, yeah, it is my fault. I mean, not my fault, but like my bad. I just didn't want to cheat on a boy. I didn't have to be

in a relationship, you you know i just wanted to fuck around and have fun but yes bob the pod i'm actually currently rewatching a video episode right now big fan started to keep this long but thank you well let me just say first what we need is more is mail stand-up comedians that

are threatened by women that have sex that we need more more male stand-up comedians that are threatened by women that have sex. We need more more men harboring misogynistic sentiments. Do we stand up and slut-shaming women? I think, well, so this guy really has a future in the industry, but... Yeah. I mean, yeah, this... That's tough.

Do you have, I have a couple of thoughts for... Well, first thing was like, wait, they probably listened to this podcast. Probably. So how's she going to avoid that? You know, who knows that I'm probably going to know her when he hears it. He probably will, but he, that's why she wants her name bleeped. So he'll know, which is interesting. Yeah, but that was 700 other words.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, she's pretty, she talks about where in LA he grew up, where she grew up that they want to do. Yeah, I mean, this is, but again, and not my problem, Sal. Yeah. I think that if you're leading off like this, I don't think you, I really don't think you go any further without without addressing this because it doesn't go away. And all you're doing then is you're investing more time. It's only getting harder if you guys can't get on the other side of that right now. Yeah.

And I think like, first of all, it's like, come, just dude, what are you think's gonna happen? If you end up with a hot woman, you're she's gonna have fucked more than you. That's the way the world works. And by the way, what you wanna date someone who can't suck a dick, well, how do you think she gets the hour?

How do you think she gets those Malcolm Gladwell 10,000 hours? You know what I mean? Like, you want someone that knows how to fuck, chief? And it's like, what the, who can just grow up? Who gives a fuck? Yeah. Now, yeah, but yeah, I think you're right. And it's like, what the, who can just grow up? Who gives a fuck? Now yeah, but yeah, I think you're right.

There's no way, and by, here's something that's a little weird. He's 24, right? So now I get it, right? I can say that I'm fucking 34. I've been through a lot of women have destroyed me. You know what I mean? Like I've got a lot of, you know, I've definitely had those jealous thoughts,

especially at his age. So that's part of the problem, right? It's like you just kinda life just fucks your ass enough. We were like yeah, my girlfriend fucked a hundred guys. I don't care. It's cool in fact. I like, she knows she picked up a couple cool tricks along the way.

But as at 24, you know, maybe you don't feel that way, right? Yeah. Um, so there's nothing you can do. Where did the, how did the comedy play into? I don't know. She's just not, you know, everybody, she's not really with it. You know what I mean? You know, I don't know.

I really don't know how the comedy play. Maybe she jokes about fucking a bunch more guys, but I don't know what she's talking about. She's a little all over the place, our friend here. I think that's part of it. Now, as there's not much you can do, I'm a little dubious of a 24-year-old, this being, I don't want to be, you know, I don't want to talk out of school. It seems like you're in a good situation here.

I'm a little dubious about this relationship in the long term. Yeah. It sounds like it's been a two-year-old already? Is that what she said? That's right. Yeah, two years. 22 and 26. That's interesting. It's nice to see the woman on the other side of that, actually. I like that. But she seems to be in. Our friend here seems to be in. Yeah. But I worry about a about a 24 year old guy who will just let that jealousy fester. Yeah. Now, also I wonder if it's just like a problem with the body count or a problem,

if he had a higher body count. If he did? Yeah, it would be a problem. Probably not. The way she prompted it. Probably not. That's in a weird fucked up way, probably not. Right.

But there's nothing that will, I don't know whether you can train him not to give a fuck about this. And so what can you do? I mean, I do think you could do some kind of multiplier math where it's like, you could let him fuck someone. And then it's like, one fucking someone in a relationship. That's like, that's by four. Yeah. One pussy counts. That one pussy undoes unduz four dicks. Yeah, I think that's that's my little formula. If you really want if we want to get down the brass task

it's crunch the numbers. Yeah, crunch the numbers. How much have you out fucked them by 20 by 40? Well, there's your, you just got a fuck four, you just got a five five, 10 women, you know, that kind of thing. Maybe or honestly, just like, are you by? Do you want to fuck girls with them?

That might be, because a guy like this, your girl fucks a girl that doesn't count to him. Right, you know what I mean? So, so, this is a way for you to put up zero. Right, right. This is not a body count, it's a dick count, right? It's not, so, and so, I think maybe that's the way you could go if you're interested, but also.

I got a frank conversation. A frank, yeah, I know you don't want to bring it up go if you're interested, but also Frank a conversation. A friend, yeah. I know you don't want to bring it up, but you're two years in, right? Yeah. So you guys are there for a reason, right? And maybe approach it in a way that it bothers you that he feels that way because you care for him and you want it to bring it up because you don't want it to be the undercurrent of the relationship or whatever Be hanging over your heads and you'd love to do something like you just you know you can you care for him

And you want to move past that kind of thing. How do we do it? That's good right right right right which would be kind of big of you because let's be honest What you did before you met someone is it's crazy for someone to judge you for that Right especially two years in I mean really the hard part here is like, he's got a fucking grow up. But I agree with you. If you really want to, if you're willing to meet him more than halfway,

South's right where it's more, a lot of the times, a lot of these questions boiled down, answers to these questions boiled down to have a conversation about the thing that's fucking you off. Number one thing, communication. So good luck now if they start doing comedy this relationship is disintegrated i promise

that i like it to be a uh... without the yeah yeah yeah uh... hey this is uh... Chris from any random place in the world. I've heard you talk about the military before, and you know, that a lot of people that join the military, join because they don't have anything else that could really be doing with their lives.

Yeah. And I'm about to hit 11 years here, you just grown to, I'm not going to say hate it, but it's just constant anxiety. I'm not excited to go to work anymore. I would like someone that's impartial. Never been in the military. I mean, what they would think. Would you do that extra nine years to get their retirement

or you get out and be able to enjoy your life and be stuff thanks okay well i will say yes i mean i'd that is what i think of the military and i think they take advantage of a lot of people in this country and across the world uh... but you have joined up, it's been,

you should have spent to be 11 years, you're probably relatively young. And the thing is, this is coming from, not only am I, it's not that I'm impartial, I'm actually anti doing this. So the fact that I'm about to tell you, stick it out, because I know a lot of people, there's comedians who retarded

this exact same thing. They get into the Armed Forces early, right? And that is one of the big advantages. Like, it's like a teen mom was like, yeah, it's a fucking nightmare when you're 16 and having you born. But when you're 32 and have a 16 year old, that's pretty fucking cool. It's pretty amazing.

You know what I mean? Like, you've had kid, like, I'm 34, I might not have kids, but there's people out there who's who's 34 and have a grown fucking kid So as much as you fucking hate it the world sucks dick, you know, it's the military does suck more probably than a lot of jobs You know, huh exactly. Yeah, but here's the thing if you were to stick it out You know and again, I'm assuming you're relatively young Then you really get that you get to actually do shit and again, I'm assuming you're relatively young, then you really get to actually do shit you like.

And I'm going to, let's say you went into 20 and it was 20 years, you're 40 years old. You know what I mean? You're a young person still in the grand scheme of things, and you have a pension, and then you can maybe work part-time or only do, you really want, or really, you get more of an opportunity to enjoy things whereas if you quit now, you're kind of in this fucked up no-man's land. Where you didn't, you took 11 years, they could have been going to something

you like a little more. Yeah. But those years are gone. Yeah, I would like, because it all depends, right? Like, is there anything redeeming about it to him being in the military still right does it provide him Structure or like whereas if he didn't have that kind of structure he might be wayward or be lost right and so is the lesser of Twiples, I mean like if you're going in every day and you can't stand every single day I mean I would also crunch them numbers.

I mean, what kind of pension are you getting? You know, chart that over nine years and you know, do you have any other things that you like or any other opportunities where you could say, all right, you can compare something. Because I get what you're saying wholeheartedly and I also don't disagree necessarily. But I'm a little older than you now.

And I have, that switch has flipped for me where I feel like everything's going very fast. I'm having a mid-life crisis time. And so for me, on my brain all the time now is holy shit. And we know this, but we don't know it until we, like time is our most valuable aspect. Life is short, so that's what I'm thinking. And we know it, we hear it and everything, but then it's still, it's not, it doesn't go fast until it does. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So even though you know it and you know it and you think you're experiencing

that diversion of it, when you actually have that moment where you see your parents getting older, you getting older or whatever, you kids, and you're like, oh shit, like I'm and you feel physically and then you feel like you're on a clock at that point. All perspective changes. Sure, and I think there is something to that. Now if he's a little older, right? If he's starting to feel that, I think that's definitely valid.

And if he's got, like you said, an opportunity, something set up right away, then, you know, if you think you have a way to go make a living immediately that you would enjoy, you have that all set up, you know, if you think you have a way to go make a living immediately that you would enjoy, you have that all set up, you have that planned out, and you can make the jump immediately. But if you get out, don't really have a plan. You can't have fun around for two years.

And now, if you had just stayed, it's seven years away. So that's what I'm saying is like, if you happen to be, like, we don't know enough, but it's like, if he's a relatively young guy, because that's the thing, he would just be joining the workforce as a like, you know, 30 year old guy. Right. There's not like, it's good out there.

Right. No job is good. Right. That's right. And one of the good things, one of the like positives in the military is that you can, you you can retire after 20 years and people typically get into them so young, like sometimes 18 years old, that you retire as a 38 year old.

You know what I mean? So it's like, so I would just caution our friend here to be like, unless you have a sick setup, or even not something sick, something you might not make as much money, but like let's say you to run your family business. Or do, if you don't have something and go right away, then I personally think it makes sense to stick it out.

And then, you're, you know, the next nine years are going to be dog shit, but guess what? Most people's, most people's 30s are kind of dog, like they're good years, but it's like work wise or kind of dog shit. Yeah, what percentage of people feel like they don't work a day in their lives because they love their job? Not many, not many.

So you're gonna be making a parallel move or you're gonna fix this problem, right? And also, you might be at, you might not be at the point of no return yet, but in a few years, I would say you would be at the point of no return. Sure but in a few years, I would say you would be at the point of no return. It's like, come on, it's an arms length. I mean, you're over half, that's something,

you know what I mean? And so that's kind of my general, without knowing super specifics about our friend here, I think it's just like, stick it out, as long as they don't make you do any fucking war crimes, as long as you're in a fucking office and- If you don't wake up in the middle of the night and hear Kurdish children screaming in your dreams,

if you don't have any of that going, if it's not clawing at your fucking conscience, like then fucking every job sucks dick, just stick it out and you'll be a relatively young guy who then can you know Then you're afforded a nice degree of freedom after that that a lot of people in their 40s don't have a lot of people When they're go like you'll be able to have your midlife crisis and potentially be retired during it Or just be having a good time just spending time with your kids whatever I don't you know again. we don't know your exact situation, but that's our general thing.

If you're relatively young with no plan, just stick it out. But if you're maybe a little older and you have something that you can go into right away that you're pretty sure will be successful, go ahead, take the leap. But otherwise, stick it out, fuck it, you're already done over half of it. So anyway look we I'd love this is so fun I'd love to do this for another hour. We have to go I have to eat fucking

uh linguine uh and uh but we will talk soon. Go see Sal on the road go see the special go to the cruise uh and then come see us on the road to stabby that bits for tickets. So thanks so much for coming. I love it. It was so fun. Yes. See you next time, guys. Bye. Bye. I'll just you know, I was thinking the other day, I love, you know what I love? Mango the fruit. I love its sweet, it's delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango, pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad. You know many times

I've gotten sucked off. I'd be like, this actually, one time I have to say, I was like, when I come back with some fruit salad. And I thought it was smooth. And then some girl, after she fucking was like, that was so weird. You asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't drunk. I wasn't drinking at the time. Well, they say mangoes are an effort. Dizzy. Yeah. Well, here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango

and oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards and I was thinking to myself, what if this mango made my dick hard? You know? I was like, now that would be something else. And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game. You know I'm a dick pill evangelist, eldest.

You know I'm an ED, I've tried them all from the gas stations to other services. Mango RX now has a new ED pill that is game changing, okay? Really? Tastes like mango, my friend. Delicious, just like it. And they have a nice proprietary, because like I said, I've tried them all, Eld. They got a new proprietary formula

that combines the active ingredients in Seattle and Viagra with oxytocin known as the love hormone. I've never heard of oxytocin before in my life, but let me tell you this, made my dick harder than ever. We're talking zwing! You know when they take out a sword and it goes, zing! That's how I felt putting my dick out of the condom.

It was like unsheathing my hardcock. It was pure metal after I had some mango Rx-brown. Shining in the light. Yes, one little gleam. One little gleam. One little gleam when I turn my dick a little bit. Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first.

I don't know. Yeah, because like I said, I've done a bunch of them. And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow. They got all kinds of science shinin' here. They're making them taste delicious. I am so happy. It is, it was the goal of this podcast. Truly, we sort of made a podcast to discover and work with the new innovators on the cutting edge of the heart making your dick hard science in the field, right? People who have a beautiful goal, here's their mission, make America hard again, eldest.

Then, you know, let's get, can we get, fuck, an idiot. There you go, sorry. We tried to give it the applause, it deserved, but some asshole wasn't ready to go. And look, make America hard again. I think on, whatever the side of the aisle you're on, conservative liberal leftist centrist,

you could, we could all use a harder dick. Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks, all this division in the world would go away, all this. I think this is such a good product, Eldis. I think you might have to change your long standing opinion on ED medication in general because look, here's the thing about mango orics. You might not need it, but you're going to want it, pal. All right.

I know I've spoken about it a lot, but I am excited to try this one. Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor. Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend. The dissolving factor and the yummy taste do make me very impressed. You've seen me take edible stuff for it. That's sure.

Just because you wanted a little dummy. I love a snack, because that's so much why I had to get high as well. I've seen you take weed addibles. I've seen you take fiber addibles where you're shitting yourself because you wanted a momentary snack. I've seen you take thums on an empty stomach just because you wanted a momentary a momentary snack. I've seen you take thumbs on an empty stomach

Just because you wanted the taste and that's how we got elders through the door here with mango Rx It's easy folks buying mango buying mango is so easy. Just go to mango rx.com Complete a short and secure telemedicine visit you're in your out and mango can be shipped discreetly straight to your door The telemedicine visit is over in literally a matter of minutes. It's nothing. Quick and easy. Be sure to use code, stav20 to save 20% off your first order.

You and your partner are going to love it. That goes double for you, LD. I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements

and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me

smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.