Stavvy's World - #49 - Louis Katz

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

Louis Katz joins the pod to discuss his new special 'The Best Comedian You've Never Heard Of,' trying breast milk, failed past hookups, being married, and more. Louis and Stav help callers including a woman who wants to ask out a guy who works at her go-to STD clinic, and a guy wondering if he should snitch to animal control about his neighbor's fighting dogs. Watch Louis Katz's special 'The Best Comedian You've Never Heard Of': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01FUQkgPs3E Visit https://www.helixsleep.com/stavvy and use code HELIXPARTNER20 to receive 20% off all mattress orders AND two pillows. Take care of yourself from the bottom up this holiday season. Visit https://www.hellotushy.com/stavvy and use promo code STAVVY for 10% off your first order. Don’t miss out on their Spend & Get event going on now through November 18th. Follow Louis Katz on social media: https://www.louiskatz.com/ https://www.facebook.com/Louis-Katz-158960567493162/https://twitter.com/louiskatz https://www.instagram.com/louiskatzcomedy/https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy-pSLTThS0YMk0AfSOPjlQ Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb Welcome everybody to stop this world What a beautiful day. This is honestly. I am pumped. We're going to we're going to we have an incredible show. Louis Katz is here, but we have this is an exciting time here at Stavis world. The fat rascal tour is ending. My big final shows of the fat rascal tour are December 1st, the one last show at the Beacon Theatre, two shows sold out already at the historic Beacon Theatre. if you want to be a part of the last show I ever do with this hour this material go to the beacon theater Friday the first Late show ten o'clock. It's gonna be awesome And why am I gonna stop doing that material because on December 5th my special comes out on the big end

We're pumped for it. We can't wait fat rascal. The tour is ending and it's giving birth to the special fat rascal that we'll be streaming on December 5th. And hey, if you can't support me come and live. Please watch the special. But if you want to do something else, if you're not in New York, you could support me by supporting some of our beautiful sponsors. Helix is one of them, support them. You're allowing them to support me. They are offering 20% off all mattresses, all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixleap.com slash stave and use code helix partner 20 that stave slash stave STAVVY. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long with helix better sleep starts now. And you know, maybe maybe you got that covered. it won't last long with Helix, Better Sleep starts now.

And you know, maybe you got that covered, I don't know what to tell you, but maybe you need to get a clean ass, okay? And if that's the case, if you got a musty little hole, what you're gonna wanna do is check out our friends at Tushy. That's right folks, take care of yourself from the bottom up this holiday season.

Visit hellotushy.com, forward Stavi and use promo code Stavi. S-T-A-V-B-Y for 10% off your first order. Don't miss out on their spend and get event going on now through November 18th. That's hellotushy.com slash Stavi. That's the big show, final show, at the Beacon Theatre, December 1st, and the special December 5th. Now, let's play the big show, final show, at the Beacon Theater, December 1st, and the special December 5th. Now let's play the music again, Eld.

Buh-bye! Welcome, everybody to Stavis World 904, 100st off. We're very happy that my boy, Louis Cax, in the studio. What's up, buddy? Just put out a special present tense on YouTube right now. That's right. Doing fucking great, hilarious, very good special. Yeah buddy, go everybody go watch it and Louis,

thanks for being here, man. Thanks for having me. I've seen all the clips. It's crazy to be here actually in studio. Yeah, we flew him out to Greece. We're right, we're gonna go for a dip right after this. Dude, that's the dream of this podcast. It's like we just find a way to, this is the backdrop. We're just on Inavilla.

We're on the balcony. That would be incredible. We're trying, okay, I don't want to give away too much about our summer plans, but me and eldest are trying to figure out a way to rent a sick house in Greece and just like, you know, do like enough podcast where it is technically a business expense and we can write it all off Totally do that. Yeah, maybe you can like save some refugees from the sea have them. Let's not get crazy We're trying to run a business Louis

Now do they not edit clips That is actually that would be fucking hilarious dude. We got to turn some Palestinians into like clip editors That's how we're gonna help the that's how we're gonna help this whole thing Stop the let's get a ceasefire stop the occupation and let's teach them how to fucking do put clips on Pussy jokes Do put clips on pussy jokes I know we're gonna go we go over that just the least useful shit of all time Be like we'll teach you how to do crowd work

That's how I got my family out of poverty That can buy a lot of rockets I got by a lot of snipers pointed at Netanyahu, my friend. Oh, fuck, dude. Yeah, that is the real thing. I think I'm totally, hopefully. We gotta, we gotta like, I'm trying to take a ton of time off next year, just not be on the road. And so I think, like, I want to spend a month in Greece.

And if we can just tack on Stavis world, if I can convince, if I can convince a couple of comedians to take their vacation in Greece. Why wouldn't it? And then just come on by for a couple days to the Stavis world villa. That's what everyone can write it off. Exactly, that's what I'm saying, dude.

I mean, everyone can write it off. Yeah, this is a great way. I'm saying I'm in already. All right, I mean, I'm saying this in. Yeah, this is a great plan. I'm saying I'm in already. All right. I mean, it's not the same as I'm in here. So come on through, brother. Yeah, man. So yeah, dude, thanks for coming through.

I bet, you know, it's nice to, I'm happy that you put the special out. Hilarious comic, if you guys don't know Louie, you got to go check a shit out. And very funny, special. And it was, I mean, you shot it, you said you shot it a while ago, right? Do I shot it last May, so it's been almost,

it's like almost a year and six months that took me putting it together. And not only took a long time in between then I also got married, which is, I know, that's what I was like, because it was shit, I was like, this is funny, but I was like, he's talking about being single. Yes.

I was like, I thought he was married, you know what I mean? But I feel better. Because like, this special bad about it because like This specials about going through a horrible break up and being sad and alone Now I'm marrying happy so Trying to kind of try to hide that feel bad for me But truth is things are all right. Yeah, yeah, there's specials doing well and I got a wife It would be so funny if this catapult you into fame

and you cheat on your wife. And you're back to square one. And then you put out a special about how happy and married you are right now. By the time it comes out, you've got all this road pussy. And you've ruined your finally good life. You finally figured it out. And you're like, nah, the special went viral bitch.

Get the step in. I'm out. Yeah, no, it is interesting because the special is like this. You're like, yes, it's like a snapshot of a guy who's really trying to figure his shit out. Yeah, that's true. There was like, yeah, you were going through the break up you're talking about being single and then it was like,

you're like a first time therapy patient in it. That's true. I didn't do, I never tried therapy before and only recently that's like new for me. It's crazy how a fucking neurotic and crazy. Yeah, that's so long. I would have a beard. If people, they don't even have to know you, they just need to look at one picture of you. And literally at any stage of your life, you've looked at like four different types of Jewish people. Now you're classic. You've aged into this is it for the next

probably 20 years. It's gonna get funnier and funnier. It's gonna get funnier, it's gonna get bigger. It's gonna get crazier. As a certain point, you gotta grow it out. It's gonna go full curly. I just want to wait till the top goes down and then I just want to go full-lary David. That was I always said to wait till the top goes down and then I just want to go full, Larry David. Dude, that was, I always said, until the pandemic, my goal was, because I've always had like this weird diffuse, like when I went bold where I was like, where I was like, fuck, if I had a horseshoe, I would be growing it out.

That was always my cowardice, but then the pandemic happened. I was like, let's just see what happens. Best decision I've ever made in my life. I've never felt more myself. No, totally. Than a guy with hair like this. It's awesome. No, it's weird how like some of those transitions, like,

you know, Shane Wang is one of my best friends. You see him, he like, he went full, like, full, his full long hair. Yeah, I show. I do think that happened for, in the pandemic for a lot of people. Yeah. We were cowards who didn't want to try it out

in front of people. And then with nothing but time, we're like, this is what I'm really like. But it's also weird how it's like, oh, this is how you should have been the whole time. This is the form. You have been, you know, this is your final form, you know. Yes, I've had many people, eldest included,

be like, it's so weird you haven't had this hair forever. Because I was fucking completely, but I was like, cue ball, probably when we met, I was completely cue ball, not even like, you know, I might not even have the mustache when we met, I was just completely hairless when I first got to New York, and that was strange. And then actually, even the mustache was like a weird, I got this fucking jaw, I had like a benign tumor.

No shit. Before I knew it was benign, believe me, I was fucking scared. Terrific. Because I was broke, I was like, we had just started making a little money on comes out but nothing not enough to cover unexpected jaw cancer not a new jaw yeah yeah yeah yeah and and it fucked me up so much that I just like I didn't like touch my face at all and like I like I had a ton of growth and I was just shaving it off and I started with this and I was

just like, huh, well this is kind of funny, it's just mustache and I just like tried it out the way you do and people were like, whoa dude that looks kind of cool and I was like really? And I was like, all right we got a new thing. It was before the tooth came out, dude I had a mustache. Then the tooth came out, it's been a lot of stuff. A lot of classic looks. A lot of, dude. I had a mustache. Then the tooth came out. It's been a lot of stuff. You've got a lot of classic looks. A lot. Yeah. The worst is when you film something when you're going through a bad look. Yes.

My, this is not happening. I have a mustache beard combo. A mustache stubble beard combo, which is like, it's not even a thing. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I invented a new form of facial. Yeah. It doesn't look right. That's an extra dirt bag move. Pull that up. This, come on. Fucking do some producing for God's sake. I heard you typing. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I had to text something to Ben. Okay, all right, likely story. I got the logs. All the company devices are surveillance.

So, you can pull the lock from his laptop. You can never let an Albanian to his own devices, Louis. So, if you're ever unfortunate enough to have an Albanian working for you, you have to keep them under watchful eye the whole time. Let's pull up Louis Katz. This is not happening. Wasn't even fucking listening. He can't even, he couldn't even,

he couldn't even, he couldn't even, that's tough. Which is it? Is it a mustache? Yeah, it's neither, and you know what, okay, here's the one that I love though. Go to Louis Katz, Comedy Central Half Hour. That's a decent look.

Let's find that. Let me see how I remember. I remember it's Fallon. My Fallon is a mustache with a soul patch like kind of like a Colonel Sanders. Like a Jewish Colonel Sanders. No, that's not it dumbass. That's the one he's going, come on man.

If you go to... Just look at it. Images, God damn. If you go to my channel, it'll have something somewhere. That one on the right the right that's it Oh, okay, you know that wasn't as bad as I remembered it. No, it's my face You're right. I'm recoiling is your face I thought your hair was floppy or for whatever reason did you ever shoot something like floppy hair?

My remember in a floppy hair since I was a High school or something, okay, I don't know why in my head, because I was, I watched the year half hour camp. What year was that? Maybe 2011 or something. Yeah, because that was like right in the height of like, I was like, that was the career goal for me. So I was like watching all of them. So I remember that class of half hours really well.

That's crazy. Chris did stuff and it was like, I was there in the front row. I was like, wow, I wish you could put me on your pocket. Yeah. No, I'm cool. I'm not, I put me on your pocket. Yeah, cool, man. Cool, man. Yeah, I have something for the members. Yeah.

Chris was wiping shit off of paraplegic balls during the day. And then going to see Louie do his half hour at night. Now look at him, dude. Theaters cheating probably. Putting his trans uncle slash step uncle slash step on on his podcast reviews My how things change Fuck dude, but yeah, I get yeah, but you have had a couple a couple hilarious looks with my point is any look You would never look at that guy and be like he's not been to therapy.

Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Like the whole package when you said that in your specials, I was like what? Yeah. My other fuckers never been to therapy. I have that, it is classic. People also say like, you know, I'm not actually from New York and people are surprised at that.

I think it just means it's just you, you just raised what they're saying. You should be in therapy. You should be a New York, you in therapy. Right. And I, I only became that a few years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Where did you grow up? I'm from LA.

You're from LA, that's right. I could go. That's classic too though. I know, you know, like some people don't know. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of Jews out there, but I people always think I'm from New York. Right. I think it's because my dad is from New York, so it's like Brooklyn history and all that

kind of stuff. Yeah. So you grew up in LA, you're like born and raised in LA proper, not actually from there. Yeah, it's weird. There seems like there's, I mean, this is like there's a few people actually from New York, there's a few people actually from LA, you know. There's a trip growing up there. It's like my substitute teachers would be like struggling. Yeah.

And dude, I bet some of the, there was a lot of beating off to be done to substitute T-T's in LA. The Conan Biberian, like, spectacular university studios, the Red Sonia, she was our substitute teacher. Oh my God, dude. That's incredible. The level of,

because you didn't have to be hard to get jacked off to by middle schoolers. No. But if you were, you're almost spoiled. You didn't know, this is not what random women look like. No. But if you were, you're almost spoiled. You didn't know there's these, this is not what random women look like. No, no, no, no.

You never had to make do with like a fat bitch with a lazy eye with who's, one of her nipples was poking out and you're like, I could do some with this. I could see it, I was down, but I have, I have, my standards are all over the place anyway. Regardless, it doesn't have, you know, it doesn't have to do with being from LA, just like I got a wide range of things that...

That interest you? Yes, yes. Interesting, yes. I mean, I remember, again, when I was probably first, because I also opened for Bobby. And so seared into my memory is a YKWD appearance you did where you talk about drinking breast milk.

Oh yeah. That was like, literally, it's like, before I knew you personally, I just kind of knew you from your half-hour shit. And then after we met, and I watched, because I was on that show a lot, and I was hanging out with Bobby a lot, you were to me, I was like,

ah yes, Louis Kats, the breast milk guy, the guy who drinks human breast milk from black women. That's literally, that's literally who you were for like three years in my head. breast milk guy who drinks human breast milk from black women literally who you were for like three years it was white woman breast milk at the time it was oh did I confuse to no I did a lot of black women but the breast milk I drank was white woman breast milk I said the final is that the record we're a breast milk white supremacist

you're like look what I do in my sexual spare time is one thing but I would never put unpure black breast milk white supremacist. You're like, look, what I do in my sexual spare time is one thing, but I would never put un-pure black breast milk in my body. They have different enzymes that the white stomach cannot deal with. I want to say, I will drink anyone's breast milk. I just only have a pleasure of drinking white woman's breast milk. I am down for any kind of breast milk.

That's my friend that used to be a place in New York I'm drinking white woman's breast milk. I'm down through any kind of breast milk. To my friend, there used to be a place in New York where you could get breast milk cheese. That's fucked up, dude. And it was underground, because they wouldn't imagine this. They would like it was raw breast milk cheese. It was just the homogenation, that was the problem. I don't think it was the harvesting human milk.

Might also be the problem Yeah, dude just like the same Chinese ladies that do nails. They just have them hooked up to fucking breast pumping machines Just their human trafficking everything they could They got their jacking people off a massage parlors are doing nails and they're getting pumped and you're like, this is a good breast milk breed. But it's just for imagination that I can't buy legal. I can't use my credit card to buy it. That's, yeah, that is a very interesting philosophical gray area where it's like, can you buy?

Like, first of all, is it, would your wife have a problem with you drinking somebody else's breast milk? There's an element of like, is this cheating weirdly, even though it's not. Come on, that's not cheating. Look, I'm just saying, there's an argument to be made of like, is it, maybe it's not cheating, but it's, it's so like. Well, can be your breast milk then.

It's like, if you got, give me some of your breast milk. Right, right. You don't want me to, I'm gonna have to go out and this is pretty good. Well, you don't, here's the problem. Here's where you're arguing for the right? You don't want me to, I'm gonna have to go out and this is pretty impressive. He's the problem, where's where you're arguing for the part? You don't need breast milk.

You don't like, you are malnourished. If you have a doctor's note, I'd be taller with hair if I had breast milk, man. What if we all started drinking breast milk? All our issues went away. It was like stem cells, my dick grows, I'm not a fat-ish shit anymore. That would like stem cells, my dick grows. I'm not a fat ass shit anymore. That will be fucking sick, dude. But yes, there is a there is like a like what is the other

like thing that comes out of a human body that you would buy like okay hair, right? You know, we have weaves made of real human hair. Sure. But you don't consume it like you do milk. Well, I'm shh, I mean, pussy juice. Yeah, but that's clearly sexual. Yes. No one's buying pussy juice. But I'm saying why I don't want to sold that. There's not a real market for it. I think there is.

You think, you're a big, you're a big excretions guy. All about the excretions. Here's the thing, it's very context dependent. When I'm out of the pussy, Juicirina, I don't wanna see it. When it should be there great naturally, but I don't wanna come across it on a shelf. You know what I mean? I know what you mean, and you know where this juice has been,

but I'm gonna say, dude, when I have like, having the beard, if I've gone down on the floor, and then it's in the beard. I'm walking around that day confidence Yes, I see your ceremonies as they like almost like a cologne. Yes, that little bus Okay, all right, all right interesting interesting, but yeah, Brett it's just very There's just no way you could commercially sell breast milk because it is such a strange gray area of like, let's say you homogenized it, it would still feel wrong and weird to drink breast milk.

Well, it tastes all right. I mean, I'm not saying that it's hate. Yeah, but the girl who's breast milk you drank, you were dating her at the time? No, it was, it was, Oh, she was just friends. She was comedian at the time. She was comedian, my friend's wife, it was um, it was um, it was just friends. She was comedian at the two is comedian my friends wife. I was like, let me have some of that milk.

Really? I miss remember this whole story. That was a really good day to blown up. It's just people. This is good. We're setting the record strength, folks. He's not, because to me, drinking platonic breast milk, seems so fucked up.

Like, even though, even though I guess you get it from your mother, Drinking platonic breast milk seems so fucked up. Even though I guess you get it from your mother, which is a whole Freudian thing. But to me, it's a health man. I don't know. What do you have to have a relationship with the cow? You don't, you don't. You go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go, you go.

All right. You know what you're right. My mistake, I was thinking of women as human beings. That is my fault. And I fucked up there. You're right, they are cows or whores for us to use, whether it be for our sexual gratification or for our dairy needs, women are interchangeable cows. That's a good point.

I fucked up, Louis, I'm sorry. My point is rescinded Elders way in here. What do you how do you feel would you drink platonic breast milk? I don't know did you like seek it out or Gel this if it's like you're at a dinner party or something You guys want to try a shot of breast milk or something? Okay, I would take a little sip, but see there you go. That's what happened. I don't want the cup of breast milk poured just for me. I didn't take the whole cup, that's greedy. Yeah, the baby. He didn't sell the whole thing.

The baby that he did the milk. Right. You did a little squirt. Yeah, let me get a little bit of that. Yeah, I would try it. I don't know. It's not, it's not very good. Like I would try a woman who I had a child's with breast milk. Dude, I'll be competing with that kid. Give me some of that milk, you know what I mean? Yeah, for him, half for me.

That's what I was saying. That's only fair. I bet you if shit got dire, well you think caveman ever had babies to kill them and drink the breast milk? Yes. Yeah, probably. That's like some, oh, what was that? Corn mac McCarthy shit. Yeah, the road. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's one of the deleted chapters of the road. He's drinking breast milk and he's sending babies on a spit. That's

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that book is fucked up. Yeah. Um Yeah, I don't know to maybe I'm the one with a hang up here. Sounds like it is. But I just wouldn't, like we have a good friend who had a kid. I don't know that I would drink her breast milk. Even if they're like in our culture, please don't offend us. Okay, maybe, yeah, maybe we have to trick them into selling me Manhattan.

I'll take a squirt, but otherwise, for a couple beads, but otherwise, I think I would present, you know. I mean, I was singing her specifically in my head, stop, it's like, you would drink her breast milk. Well, I'd drink her breast milk and it's like, you know, I wouldn't request it when, I wouldn't request it when I'm crashing at her house. It's like, her fucking husband and baby are just where.

But you know, there's like a lot of people. It's sort of like a fine. If it's a party trick or something, it's like she's like feeding the baby. I'm like, hey, give me a squirt. It was in her house. There was a bottle in the fridge. It's gotta be cold, first of all.

If it's warm, that's fucked up. Warm my baby. If it hasn't been kind of processed a little bit. In a bottle, in the fridge, I do not need it straight from, definitely Titty to mouth. No, okay, this is interesting. Titty to mouth should be someone you're involved. Titty to mouth should be your wife,

or whatever, woman you have a child. The child must be yours if you go to Titty to mouth. Yes. Warm, the child can child must be yours if you go to the mouth. Yes. Warm. The child can possibly not be yours, but you must be dating her. Do you know what I mean? What?

Cold. Cold. Now we're starting to have some discussions. Anyone can have it. But I still think I'm out personally. Like I would be pissed if somebody drank my wife's breast milk. I'll say it that. Really?

I think so. Oh, it's a jealousy thing. I think, I just think it's, I just feel like this is not for you. You know what I mean? I feel the opposite. I feel like I don't want titty to mouth at all. I don't want any sexual aspect of it, even if it's all about dating. Well, he's like, suckling out no, but if she like a clown with

shelter water on a flower, if she does that that and you catch it that can be your wife I knew in Brazil she had so many kids that she would like she would like squirt the other kids like What the fuck She sounds cool. Yeah Wait, so what did it taste like? Sweet it was sweet it was almost like a sweetened condensed milk, but like more less thick. That sounds good.

That sounds good, dude. Now, if you don't tell me what it is, you're like, I have a pretty nice little dessert beverage. I think I'd be trying. I think I'd be trying. You can't, that's worse. You can't trick someone. Okay.

You can't trick an excretion. Okay. You have consent, man. If it's a trick, then that's actually very, that's very illustrative there because if it's not just good enough to serve without someone signing a fucking waiver, it's a little fucked up. You know what I mean?

Well, I guess, I mean, it's like, you'd never have to check and be like, Hey, you're like a diabolical dinner party you're seeing and you watch it when he's like better than a fan of cotton. And you're like, do you know what you just ate? What's going on? I'm just saying, dude,

I'm just trying to philosophically to get to it. Maybe there is something Freudian where I have it linked to maternal, but then once it's your wife, then it's like, you know, it's either, it's either got to be the mom or your wife in a very Freudian way. Maybe it's kind of crazy actually. You know, that those are the two people's milk you can drink. That is crazy.

I know, it's fucked up, but I think it's Cuban psychology. He drank it third and real, dude. There's something, there's something. I don't know. I find it, and here's the thing, if I were to even have a score in a scenario where you're saying, it would have to not be a close friend

and it would have to be a lady, I kinda wanna fuck. It would have to be like a weird flirtatious party thing the way you're describing, but it couldn't be somebody that I am super close with. For me it just isn't sexual at all, I just, that's fair, maybe you're more enlightened than I am. I'm taking the more scientific approach. I like to try everything. Okay.

This is like food, like whatever. I want to try it. For most things, I want to try the things in the world. So that's all it was. It wasn't necessarily sexual at the time. It was just like, whoa, it's in there. Yeah. Let me try it.

We're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're right, we're, we're,. That's fair. I just feel, I just wanted to really talk this out with two scholars, two modern day philosophers. I guess that was, that was literally how I knew you, was breast milk louis for like a year. That was like the main thing I had in my head. People still remember that shit. Weird, I don't think, I really don't think it was that big of a deal.

I was like, yeah, I guess. You're like, this would be a nice way to kill seven minutes on a podcast. Meanwhile, it's 10 years later. People remember. There's people like random people that listen to the show. No, I know, dude. Yeah.

I mean, while we just did another 12 minutes. And this will, yeah. Well, this was, again, more scientific. We kind of took it away. That was the jumping off point. But this was more of an academic discussion we really let us know in the comments folks is it weird would you drink non-sex breast milk non-sexualy without even a hint of sexually most people drink breast milk non-sexualy

it was remember the game not as a child take not you I'm not saying or you're now a baby and do you need breast milk to survive? Stop really is just a big horny baby. There's no way around it My sippy cup This is a giant version of how babies drink water I want some lively debates in the comments about this though All right, hell yeah, dude. What are some other things you've tried that you're like some weird shit That you were like because you said you like to try anything was there one was your one because the breast milk was pretty good Was there one experience where you're like let me dabble where you're like?

Not for me. Yeah Something that went south. Yeah, could be a liquid could be just a sexual experience could be you know a fake You know, whatever just something adventurous where you Where it went set will turn on me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have anything? I mean, I like I like I Everything is like it's even good when it's bad is what I say, you know It means it's like definitely sexual things because you've had your, you've had, you, you're like, I at least experienced, the experience is good. If you make it out and you're not permanently fucked up,

it's all good. You know what I mean? Like, no scarring. I mean, like, yeah, that this is not happening is a crazy story about falling in love with like a semi homeless lady. Probably a mistake. I don't recommend dating the homeless.

But, but, you know, it was an experience, you know, I'm't recommend dating the homeless. But it was an experience. I'm glad I lived through it. It could have turned really south on me. And I walked away from that. So it was the same. But when you say semi homeless, you mean homeless? I mean, she didn't start off homeless but she was.

That's so funny to be dating someone during their decline in the houselessness. Yeah, man. She had a very serious alcohol issue. She just kind of like lost it, man. Yeah, yeah. It was too bad, but she was a, yeah. But yeah, she was a, she was great. And I don't, I don't regret it because I was lucky that I left it on Skate. And it also was like a, I mean, not to be corny, but it was a big love of my life to be honest.

But, you know, but that could have, that could have, get the, see ya bitch. I'm going indoors. Alright, this was great and all, but I have to go take a warm bath. I one time tried, I was, this is so long ago, I was still living in Baltimore, I was going on a weird tour, actually with our friend, Benny butchicks, our other third member of our producing duo, our trio here, Ben O'Brien, directed my special, great dude. I was opening for his alt comedy group,

probably 15 years ago at this point, is that right? Damn, yeah. 14, 13 years ago, something like that. How long have you been doing stand-up? This was 19, 34, so yeah, 15 years. Okay, right, so when he started, basically. This is right where I started. So this was probably, yeah, this was probably 13 years ago.

Pretty soon after I started. Maybe 12, I don't remember which, I did a couple tours with them, but anyway, we were going through these, you know, we're playing this hilarious, like, any DIY venue. Sure. A fucking hamburger place. Uh-huh. You know, I'm getting paid. We're all touring in one SUV. How many people?

Like five. Every seat in the SUV was occupied. Where did you stay? Did you all stay in one room? Frashing and fucking floors like sometimes in the venues sometimes we get one room, right? This was a one hotel room situation and I am I'm with the whole team and We're in this weird venue in Atlanta that had just been lacquered. It had just been painted

So the floor is the converted church one, that weird one. I don't remember what I was. I can look it up later, but it was like a weird art gallery. Like it was fucking downtown. You know how Atlanta, like now, you know how every downtown has been since the pandemic were homeless people or everywhere. Yes.

Atlanta has been like that forever. Like that's what their downtown has been like. We were from Baltimore, you Baltimore, grew up in Baltimore. I grew up in Baltimore. They had been in Baltimore for like 10 years, whatever. We were like damn, this is fucked up. But the venue was cool. They had just painted the floor,

so everybody had to put on like Home Depot booties to just even be in there. It was weird. Fumes are everywhere. Yeah was weird fumes or everywhere. Yeah, the fumes is what. Fumes were fucked up, fumes were fucked up. Really fun, ended up being a really fun show. And I hit it off with this girl.

And I'm not, you know, this was, I think right after this tour, I started believing in myself and I had a little pussy renaissance. You know, like a pussy renaissance. This is right, this predated my pussy renaissance. Sounds like a prince album. So I was like, I had fucked like, you know, in my life, I had

fucked like three women at the time. And I was like a college girlfriend and then another weird quasi. I had no like, again, no belief in myself, just get pussy randomly. So this, I hit it over this girl, she's like an artist, she's hot, she's weird, we're having a good time, and we were sharing a, everyone's sharing a fucking one hotel room. So we've got to sleep on the floor,

I'm like, see you losers later, I'm getting the fuck, I'm gonna get pussy with this girl, I'm gonna fuck her in her house. So we're fucking hanging out and, you know, we're making out in her car, she has just like, we're hanging out at the venue and eventually they kick us out and, you know, I'm like, well, you know, let's go back here but she's like, oh no, let's get a drink and I'm like,

okay, whatever, cool. We go to her, like SUV, she has booze in there which was cool but weird but then I'm like she's got a lot of stuff in this car oh man she's got quite a bit of home goods in this car man and so I'm like all right cool and she's like so then we go you know we go to a fucking bar and we're having a fun time. She's like, let's go back to your hotel room and I'm like, hotel room, I was like, like yeah, but you know, it's a,

why don't we go to your place? And she's like, oh, I'm kinda staying with, my ex or something, I can't really go back there. I'm like, yeah, we can go to my hotel room, so now I'm just stalling, I don't have a hotel room. So I'm like, uh, yeah, we can go to my hotel. So now I'm just stalling. I don't have a hotel. So I'm like, let's keep this, let's keep this not going. Maybe I can get my dick stuck in this SUV or something.

We go to a fucking gay bar in Atlanta. It's actually fun as shit. I'm making out and I'm grabbing a titty in the gay bar. I think you're a lesbian. Yeah. Like look at that young queer couple. I really did, dude. I look're a lesbian. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like look at that young queer couple. I really did, dude. I look like a butt.

I had the body of like a young, I was completely, like a hairless, buzz cut. I look like a fat 20 year old lesbian. Yeah, sure, dude. That's why everyone's like, I don't, I don't just swear they belong. Ha, I was wearing sweat, like sweats. I fully look like a gym style lesbian, like a young PE teacher.

And I'm just trying to make something happen, right? I'm trying, I'm like, all right, let's fucking, and she's like, let's go to your hotel room. And I'm like, why don't we, you're both looking for someone to sleep that night. Yeah, really? I'm like, I'm like, why don't we? You're both looking for someone to sleep that night. Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, I almost bitch it. Like, what are the odds that I finally am getting pussy,

strange pussy from a hot woman in my life. And she's homeless with nowhere to go. And dude, I, pathetically, I'm like, yeah, we have a, I'm like, yeah, let's go to the fucking, yeah, my hotel's here. I think I was trying to book a hotel, I had no money, right, in my life. It was like, the closest hotel was like $300.

And I have no money, but I'm like, it's worth getting closer. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But she sees me trying to book a hotel room online. I was lying about having a hotel room. I'm like, yeah, no, we know my hotel is right now. I tried to book one right over there, and it was sold out. I was like, actually, it's over here. Like I'm being so not smooth.

She catches a glimpse of me booking it, and that was, she was like, what, you don't even have, she was like, you've been lying about it. It could just fuck the vibes up. Yeah. And meanwhile, it's like, you've been lying about it. It can just fuck the vibes up. You know what it's like, and meanwhile it's like, bitch, you're homeless. You could add a fucking place to shower. You just couldn't, we couldn't have fucked.

It was the most. It was the betrayal. Now I would have obviously been able to handle this. You know, I would have just been like, okay, well, I mean, now we just have my hotel room. Sure, it's actually awkward to book a, I found like, when I was, there was a while when I was living with my folks in LA, it's hard to make that step into, we should get a hotel room.

Cause I feel like a woman, and rightfully so wants to, wants like, to be able to bail at any moment. Like, she's not feeling the vibe. That she should get it. There's like, there's kind of like a unspoken, we're getting a hotel room, we're gonna fuck. Yes.

And so they don't want to, you know, they don't, you know, you already have a hotel room. That's exactly fuck. Yes. And so they don't want to, you know, they don't, you already have a hotel room. That's exactly right. They don't, like this is like an, it's the extra step solely for pussy. Yes. Which is like, we all know that's what's happening anyway. Yes.

But when it's explicitly laid out, when it becomes explicit instead of implicit. Exactly. It's a problem. It kills the mood. 100% true. Kills the mood. Yeah, she has to be like a So down to do it. Yes

Yes, and a lot of women don't even want it They want to be able to back out any moment which I'm the Mines. Yeah, it's like I'm some I'm the opener to a lightly attended alt comedy show Who by the way my charms have worn off it's been three it's been like four hours But we've been out all night You're both trying to go to the other person's room. If I had a room, right from the thing,

we would have just fucked, we would have had a fun time. I was like, wanna go back, let's watch, I'm doing, let's watch some show, it's like we can watch that. Like you're just doing something where you're like, oh, let's go back to my, let's go back to your place and watch 30 Rocks. It's like, I love 30 Rocks, but let's go to your place, you're like, oh, let's go back to my, you know, let's go back to your place and watch 30 Rocks. She's like, I love 30 Rocks,

but let's go to your place. I was like, if I had to tell them I'm getting sucked off watching 30 Rocks. But then I also, I just extended it far too long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like 2 a.m. Oh, you just tuckered out at this point.

Dude, I've been, I used to be so bad. I'm still probably am bad. Now I have a wife, so I've, I finally closed one deal. But I used to be a horrible closer.'m still probably am bad. Now I have a wife, so I finally closed one deal. But I used to be a horrible closer. Like I would just like keep it going forever. I wouldn't go anywhere. You're ever sometimes you like, you learn,

you're supposed to get to know each other on the first date. Sometimes you get to know like too much. Like I wish I could have just fucked you. But now I know, it's kind of a crazy heroic life you have. And this is, I can't do it now. Yeah, yeah, scared. I gotta go, you know, I can't do it now. Yeah, yeah, I'm scared. I gotta go, you know, like that's happening to me.

I've been, I've tried, I've gone back to places that it was too fucked up for me to fuck, which like even back in the days when I was like, I'm down for whatever, it's still like, right no, actually, some of them I did fuck, but it was horrible. You ever know a girl with, there's one girl with a, man she had pet reptiles, man.

Ooh. That shit fucking stinks. Oh dude. Like two lizards in a studio she had pet reptiles man. That shit fucking stinks. Like two lizards in a studio apartment. Dude, not good. I have, are you kidding me? You know, I have, on multiple occasions, had to pretend like rats were like crawling on me was good. Like before I fudge multiple, multiple.

You fucked more than one with rats. I have fucked at least two maybe three It's three out of a nice amount I was single woman with pet rats well But there was something about rat where I was like and I particular like look I'm so so there's some rad people out there. Here's the I will still fuck up cuz I will say this They were pretty hot. There was a type of weird rat girl on the internet that is how to shit for sure And they're like artists. They were artists. They're like weird girls. You know what I get I get it I had to like

What a what a cute guy because my dick was hard. it. I had to like, ha ha ha ha ha. What a cute guy. Cause my dick was hard. I had to be like, this guy's awesome. And then immediately I bust up. I gotta get the fuck out of here. This is fucked up totally. But I was never, I very rarely have I ever gotten to the place and not fucked.

Even if things are a nightmare and I've had some nightmare situations where I'm like, but in my head, in my head, I never even thought about the possibility of not fucking. Well, so the lizard one I did fuck, I was breathing through my mouth like that. Yeah.

You know, I just can't, like it smelled so bad. I was like, I breathed through my mouth, and then, but the one time I didn't fuck was this was, this is, I dated another girl in Portland, not the one from this, from that one. And she was like one of the first suicide girls. Like the, okay, respect. Models.

Good for you, man. No, but it didn't end up happening. Like, she was, I was like, I'm talking to her at the day. I'm like, what are you up to today? And she's like, oh, I've been icing down my pussy from all the fucking I've been doing. And I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, It's like, it's like, you know, she like rents a room and there's too much stuff there. You know what I mean? It's like, not a, and then we're kind of making out

and then I look over and I see an ice pack and I'm like, I'm out. Oh my God. I gotta go. You know what I mean? It's like, it's just that. That nice, but it's just, I don't, I don't have any, it's like I just need, it's like out of sight

out of mind, kind of with the woman. It's similar, it's the flip side of what we're just talking about with the hotel room. It's like, it's like, it's implied this hot ass, mentally ill woman with turquoise hair is getting dick down. But now that it's been made explicitly clear, she got dick down to the point where she's treating her pussy like it's LeBron James knees after the finals.

You're like, you know what? I'm out. I know you're getting foggy, but when you've made it clear and it's like, it's just a flip side. It's also like, for women, it's like safety. For men, it's like, I don't know. It's too rough.

Not feeling cocked. Well, no, it's not even, it's not even. It's pretty cocked almost. I don't think it's the match with things like, just straight up, but clanliness, like it's actually literally like, oh tell her, I'm like, a hotel room is for strange people to fucking. But I wanna go in there and have no evidence

that anyone's ever fucking. If there's a slight bit of evidence, I'm out. I'm steeped out and I gotta go. I was in Brazil for the World Cup. And I'm thinking, man, maybe I'll go to a whorehouse. And then there's just a line down the block outside the whorehouse. The line is tough dude.

You do not want to see the dude imagine looking at the guy in front. The guy is right in front of you. You know he just fucked the girl you're about to fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, can't do it. That's brutal. The line. Yeah, it was like, it kind of, because I've been in Brazil a few times I lived there for a year.

And it was like, it kind of ruined the vibe, the world cup there, because it's just, it's bros. It brings it brings like it kind of ruined the vibe the world cup there because it's just it's bros It brings it brings like the ratio is all fucked up in the whole town. It's just all dudes and it's all fucking soccer Who look at this dude just toothless British guys? Yeah, yeah? Give me some pussy Just that fucking guys spinning fish and chips. It's all that shit crazy Argentinian. It's all that shit It's like not it's not not a good, plus Brazil and Germany. You got those weird Nazis that live in Argentina.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In Brazil. I mean, my friends were rooting for Germany. I'm like, I can't, I'm sorry, I cannot root. Not in Brazil. Definitely not in Brazil. You can't root for Germans in Brazil. Couple fucking, the ones that got away

might are right around the corner, dude. I did, I saw a tick talk about like that was like It was like it was like a fun facts tick talk and it's like fun fact. There's a there's a Community of German speaking Ethnic Germans in Brazil that's completely German. It's like that is one of the least fun facts possible That's completely, and it's like, that is one of the least fun facts possible. You are just, that's just Nazis. It is purely the descendants of Nazis. It's just Nazis.

They were there before. I swear that I, I swear seriously, I've, no, I've studied the shit. I, look, you think I want to, yeah. No, there's Nazis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, you know, this is a really funny fact. You ever Google this? Do you know that before, like, Adolf Hitler was the name of evil.

Yeah. It's just a popular name. Yeah, oh, oh. last last name Hitler right so there's all these Hitler's in American history And dude you look up their names. It sounds like an SNL sketch. Yeah, there's George Washington Hitler Fucking awesome That's fucking awesome. That's gay hitlers. That's his name. He's not gonna last to be a name. Yes, gay hitler. And there's a guy who's gay hitler out there. You know, awesome, right? Shout out to gay hitler.

Yeah, this is a historical fact. I think there's a bridge that's called the Hitler bridge. Yeah, all right, we gotta dig down the Hitler bridge. Oh, you're right, because it's just a German name. It's just a German name, yeah. A common German name. It's crazy. So those Germans were there before World War II.

Yeah, people were, people immigrated, you know, there was a German name, yeah, a common German name. It's crazy. So those Germans were there before World War II. Yeah, people are, people immigrated, you know, there's lots of, there was a German community in America, you know, when World War II broke out. I'm just saying, I don't know, I'm just saying, there was probably a nice little influx in 1940, in the late 1940s, to those German communities. Oh yeah, that's all I'm saying. That X-Men and we're the Magnitos going to the gets the the Nazis in Argentina Yeah, yeah, it takes their fucking feelings out. That's fucking awesome. I love that. That was a fucking sick act That's the coolest. That's the thing. It's like Magnito. How can you not root for the guy? Yeah, he's like

He's a fucking he's a holocaust survivor that just owns Nazis That's cool. Yeah, he's pretty dope and And it's like better than the Beardew actually. I thought that was the cooler fantasy for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For me, it's a person. Yeah, because that's like, yeah, I mean, Terrence, you know, his story, like, his story, revisionist history is very interesting.

Yeah. He's a super interesting filmmaker. I mean, it is that, and then that was one thing with the, you know, in Glor was one thing with the, you know, Inglouder's Bastard's great, you know, great movie obviously. But then it's like the, when with the whole the Tate murders, just kind of reimagining them is, it's just an interesting move. It's really even Django. It's like, it's revenge. It's like, yeah, historical like, you know, this guy got the better of the. Yeah, it kind of makes

the victims kind of win in a kind of a way. Yeah, he kind of makes the victims kind of win in a kind of a way. Like dude, that, I actually, once upon a, there's, what's it called? What's it called? Hollywood, like, I liked it, but even at the end, I was like, wow, this is like, this is super violent. My mom saw, she's like, I thought it was great.

Like she's like, she's like, big fucking cow, it was coming to the end. She was anyway, I was so, it was crazy. It was crazy, you know that movie, she um, he was so accurate with like all the commercials, she recognized the radio jingles because she's from Southern California from that time. Like she totally, like he did it that accurately.

And your mom was anti hippie? Or she was anti man. She was anti man's and family and she was like, she was giving a bad name to hippies. I don't think she picked up the, there's like a weird political thing in there where it's almost like the conservatives are the good guys. I think a little bit.

A little bit. But that's the thing, that's why it's, I'd have to watch it again, because the first time I like to just watch a movie, to enjoy it and not think about it, anything to be like, what's going on? This is cool, and then, you know, and I haven't given it a rewatch,

because I also like, it was like, you know when you watch a movie, and it's like, really, it was just a perfect day. You know what I mean? It was like a great day like, you know when you watch a movie and it's like, really, it was just a perfect day. You know what I mean? Where you're like, it was like a great day with, you know, so I was dating somebody at the time and it's like this weird, that's one of the good days in that relationship.

So like revisiting that, you bring your own shit to a movie like that where it's like, damn, I might just be sad watching this awesome movie because I'm like, what if I squandered? You know what I mean? Like, the other flip side is like, or on a bad day, I'm like, what if I squandered? You know what I mean? Like the other flip side is like, or on a bad day, I'm like,

four, we had like five actually good days in that relationship. Why not? That was one of them, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do want, yeah, there is the thing of like, yes, Leo's character theoretically is, like he is the avatar for like,

the conservative part of Hollywood that was going away. Yeah. But you know, I don't know. I don't know what he's trying to say with that because Tarantino isn't That you know, that's those aren't his values. You don't think I don't even think that's it doesn't matter I think he just loves Like the movies. Yeah, he keeps it kind of ambiguous in a way by saying he's saying that that's better He's saying here's a version where that side kind of wins. It's like, it's that old, but with that old time, we're still the heroes, even though at the time counter-cultural was saying, fuck these old time dudes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're passing. Right, right, right, right. I think that's all he, I don't think he's saying that this is better. It's just saying like, it didn't turn out that way. What if it did? And also, it's better. And also, one win. It's kind of like Django where it's like, one win in that context, doesn't change.

Like, in Golden Bash is the weird one. It is a win, it's full on win. In Golden Bash is like, no, no, no, we flipped everything. And, you know, that's the only one, but those two are kind of like these pockets in time where it's like, these characters that I love get to win, you know. Yes. Anyway, who knows. I love that stuff and I thought, you know what I think is, I don't know if people put it in the same

category, but I think, uh, Gran Budapest Hotel is also, I know people hate West Anderson, I don't hate them, but I think that the hating West Anderson is hack at this point. Thank you. That's like, it's like, the guy just does something, you can't argue that there's no, that there is an artistry in what he does. Except for that last one, which really sucked. I actually had it paid. Really, it wasn't that good. So I was, I had a huge argument with my friend where I was defending him and then I

was saw the movie and I was like, damn, like I can't believe it. Really? Well, even, here's the thing. Whatever, you don't have a one bad one. And even if it's a bad one, at least he's doing something. He has a vision, he has a way he likes to do things. It is more interesting when a filmmaker has a singular voice instead of like things being completely homogenized

and like everything's on a fucking green screen. And it's like everything's a fucking Marvel movie. Yeah. Or it's trying to be a Marvel movie, right? So like I just, it's like with the NBA where it's like, the league kind of gets a little boring and I think it's better now, but in the heart of like the Warriors Slag, I don't know if you're a big hoop sky,

but it's like, everything became threes or layups. Like everyone was playing basketball like on a basically mathematical equation. And it's more fun when there's teams that play different ways. Yeah, totally. It have like five, when there's teams that play different ways. Yeah, totally. They have like five, when there's teams that do fun, you know, weird things.

Huge teams. Small teams. I mean, I think that we're point shooting. You know what I mean? Comedy is that like, you know, I'm, I'm, I'm, I work the cellar a lot. I love the cellar. Yeah.

But it's still like go there. And it feels a little bit like a comedy factory. There's all these different rooms. Yeah. I feel like, I don't know, everyone, everyone starting to sound the same. And I miss like, there's, do you know, Pat Bercher, have you seen him around?

I don't know. He's a new comic. It's just like, I miss like, weird comics who are just like, not trying to break down some kind of crazy, unsophical thing. I just want to hear, like, I hear those doing, saying like, crazy shit that I never could have thought of myself.

It's really fucked up that, exactly. You're, I think you're really right about that where it's like, things have become a little too homogenized in comedy and I think we're getting to the point where you maybe we're seeing a little bit of like different styles, almost where it's like regional, like, you know, clearly the Austin comics, they have their own thing going there, right? Where it's like I like, I want to, went to the mothership, great, great club. And by the way, I like that the crowd is different than you'll get here, right?

I was doing jokes, shitting on Elon Musk and shitting on shit that those people love. And it was fun. You do those jokes in Brooklyn, everybody sucks your dick. Yeah. Even if it's not funny, to make those jokes work in a club where they don't agree with you, I like that that exists. I even like going to like, or the flip side of it, it's like, you know, you obviously know San Francisco, right?

That's where you started. And it's like, and so I like going there because it's like, yeah, people complain when some, but when things are like, to PC or whatever, or like the audience is touchy, but it's like, that's a different place for you to get better and to be different. Offend, you're supposed to offend people

and still make them laugh. I don't agree, one of my favorite comedians will have time is Patrice O'Neil. I do not agree with half the shitty says, but I'm laughing my dick off at his interesting funny perspective. Well people, that's the weird thing about all this stuff is that like, I'm excited kind of when I'm offended

Yeah, I still get offended like I'm offended like yeah I shouldn't be saying this and that's me as a comedian Right dude come on and then you're laughing. Yeah, I like not be as long as I'm not offended by how shitty and lazy the comedy is yes Some people and at the end of the day, it should just be funny. Yes. And original. Yes. And original is exactly the original and the truth.

Yeah. Almost in that. I could maybe flip original and the truth, depending on the kind of comic you are. But that's the three things. I think the truth is a separate thing. I think it has to be funny and original. Yeah. I think they're almost on the same thing. If you're striving for the highest level, it's just like funny and unoriginal is a separate thing. I think it has to be funny and original. I think they're like almost on the same thing.

If you're striving for the highest level, it's usually funny. Funny and unoriginal is a hack. That's what it is. That's a good point. That's a good point. That's a good point. So it has to be funny and original,

and then the best is when it's the truth. But sometimes it's Rodney. Rodney isn't the truth. Rodney's fucking, you know. Exactly. He got some respect. But there is a thing though. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's the thing though, there is a truth to a guy who, you could tell the way that guy feels. And there is like, sometimes you can tell what the joky joke guys are like. I've used this metaphor before, but almost through echolocation, where it's like, their jokes, their jokes aren't telling you anything,

but what they're joking about, their manner, the like, you can kind of put together, you know who Roddy Dangerfield is. Yeah, the best one-liner comics, they're a character, but the character has depth. That's just three-dimensional character, like not just Rodney, but the more modern examples

are like a tell or head-burk. We're like, you get the whole character that they're being up there. But they're not just, they're just short jokes, you know what I mean? The jokes are funny on paper. Absolutely. But they're just short jokes. I mean, the jokes are funny on paper, but it's there a whole person. Totally, totally.

Anyway, we like to not talk explicitly about comedy because it's boring on the podcast. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no like people are talking about the business for an hour. Well, actually, that's why I hang out with a lot of not comedians because I get tired of talking about comedy. The fucked up thing is I will talk once these cameras are off. I'll talk about this with you for a fucked up long time. Because I love thinking about it and talking about it. But I do want to talk. We got to fucking do questions, but you got to come back because there's so much that I don't, I haven't, I wanted to ask you about that.

I haven't been able to. And I love this is, this is good. This was a good one. Super fun. No, I want to talk about, you know, at some point, because San Francisco's very interesting to me that whole scene is because if people don't know, you can, I mean, like I came up in DC at a time

where I think there were a lot of really good comics that helped me become a good comic. You came up in a crazy a time where I think there were a lot of really good comics that helped me become a good comic You came up in a crazy, you know, really cool. There's a lot of great comics Yeah, well, I thought I was like man our class is incredible We're the best out there and then I didn't know what was going on in Chicago at the time Yeah, well all right You guys say great com It's dope. It's like it's me. It's Shang Wang brand Brent Weinbach. Some people that aren't doing anymore that were dope, Jasper Red,

Moshe Cashier, Ryan Stow, Allie Wong, basically. So it was a class. It was a strong class. Chris Garcia, Kevin Kami, all kinds of hilarious comics out of there. But yeah, then that Chicago scene, which is kind of like, I was like, oh man, these are the real, those are huge shows. They're yours, but whatever kind of like, I was like, oh man, these are the real, those are, I mean, those are like huge shows. But you know, whatever. All right, thanks. Fuck them.

Fuck them. But just some people get lugged, some people don't, that's how it goes. But then more importantly, I would love to ask you more about the prostitution in Brazil and living there for a year. You living there for years so funny. Like that's one of the most like, that's one of the most like,

I'm going to be a sex criminal. I'm taking a little, like you know how people go backpacking, I'm going whoring across Brazil. I got a girlfriend there within two months. I'm always falling in love and sticking around with someone. Except now with my wife, I love. Yes. and sticking around with someone, it's a mistake. I mean, except now with my wife, I love it. Yes, yes, yes. It was like, definitely when I was younger, I think you're just always like kind of like trained

by however you were raised. My parents are still together. And it's weird, I have this crew of friends that still friends that we've known since like junior high and almost all of us are parents are still together, which is weird, right? Like most people go through divorce and stuff like that. But I think it doesn't, it teaches you to stay with somebody.

It doesn't teach you how to choose that somebody. You know what I mean? You're not around for that shit. You're just around for the, you stick this out. Right, right. And so all of my friends are like, the pattern is staying in like long term relationships. That's interesting.

That they should have gotten out of earlier, you know? That's very interesting because I, everyone I knew in Greek town, all the like immigrants, either got divorced or should have got divorced, and we're in relationships that were long and loveless and all of us are scared to be,

are scared to be in fucking, like we haven't, yeah. They didn't teach me to stick. Oh, that's interesting. No, it did the opposite, because it was bad. So it teach me to be scared of them. I can't be in this. That's gonna be bad. It's gonna be bad, you know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes, fully, fully. was bad. So it did you know, be scared of him. I can't be in this. That's gonna be bad.

It's gonna be bad, you know what I mean? Yes, yes, yes, fully, fully. Louis, that's all well and good, but I wanna tell you about one of my favorite products in the world, one of my favorite brands in the world. It's Helix Sleep. That's right, my friend. Helix Sleep, I love this.

I just got a Helix mattress. I am so pumped for it. Legitimately, they are a sponsor, they do support the show But I have not slept better. I can't tell you how what an upgrade is over my last mattress I got I mean, I'm sleeping like a baby eldest you have one I Do have one yeah, how long did you have your old dog shit mattress for? It's a lumpy

He's a barbears or something this guy was coming in hunched over back problems. He likes, these are all beautiful people he likes are. They hooked me up, they hooked out this up. They hooked Benny Buttcheek's former guest and our creative producer, they hooked him up. The whole team got he likes this because they knew we would love the mattress,

we would love the mattress so much that our ad reads would read so genuine. I love these mattresses so much. And you know why they have been so helpful because they have, sometimes it's hard to know exactly what you want to get from a mattress. And Louis, I know you agree with me here. They have a quiz, right?

Where you talk about your preferences, you talk about your body type, all this kind of stuff. And they tell you exactly the mattress you need. Now, me and L this, we probably only really needed to answer one question because we both got the Helix Plus for the plus size community. They probably didn't need to hear a stomach sleeper, but they just needed the weight entered and they knew what mattress me and my friend L this year needed.

But, and let me say, we did need it and sleeping on a mattress specifically for my body has truly, I'm not getting my back pain is better, I'm more refreshed, I love the mattress so much, I cannot, I cannot, like truly, I cannot suggest it enough for you. It's a fully endorsed product with a smile on my face. Not like truly I cannot suggest it enough for you. It's, I fully endorse product with a smile on my face.

Look, sometimes I take the money, okay? And I read whatever they tell me. This is not one of those times folks. I love this mattress so much. And the nice thing is, it's so convenient. In a box delivered straight to your door, you cut that bitch open. It puffs up into a luxurious mattress, you put it on a nice frame, you're sleeping like a king.

And the good news is, Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Right now, go to helixleap.com slash stave and use code helixpartner20. This is their best offer yet and it won't last long with Helix sleep better sleep starts now Be like me and Elvis snooze on one of those beautiful Helix sleeps Ah You know and I'm so well rest. Louis and I don't know about you man, but you don't strike me as a guy with a particularly clean asshole You know it could help you fix that.

Tushy. That's right. Truly, these ad reads are two products that I have been getting my money's worth from, folks. Let me tell you this. That bid day is working over time over here. Tushy, I'm sure they have, you know, they probably have relationships with other podcasts, other, you know, other celebrities, whatever.

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That's helloTushy.com slash Stavi. Yeah, 100%, which is, but good for you for conquering that and getting a wife, dude. Yeah, she's great. Fingers crossed the last, right guys? When is this coming out? Yeah. We don't know. We got to take a look at the schedule,

hopefully you're still together. I'll just play some calls for us, baby. Let's answer some fucking questions here. I've always wanted to do something. I was just scabby baby. I'm so much so scabby baby. I was just scabby baby. Ellen says, when you fans from Philadelphia, I'm going to leave my name out for obvious

reasons here. Second, it took a trip this weekend and it was sort of wedding. So we had a bunch of responsible adults acting here responsibly. I'm a single dad, 40 years old, and I ended up meeting a mom who is 40 years old on the trip. As well, the only thing is, she's not single. I'm not asking for advice on permission or the right thing to do here. It's more so looking to ask questions about why does this keep fucking happening to me, Matt?

Every time I'm single, somebody's wife, they're all friends, they want to hang out with me, they want to spend the day with me, we end up kind of like pseudo falling in love for the afternoon and then it's not going to happen, everything's paid about board, with respect to you know, if she's got going on, although I do acknowledge that I did take the choice to spend a little bit extra curricular time with this person who I do, with Mary and U.S. kids. Any advice, ideas, thoughts on maybe friends that might have had a similar situation? Why the fuck do I only attract married women?

Thanks y'all. Bye Wow, this fucking bizarre. Yeah, well first of all, I mean buddy, you hung out with her. What the fuck are you talking about? You do attract somebody Like what you're okay. They're might I don't even I don't even necessarily buy that he only attracts married women But let's say that's let's say that's the case. It's your choice. What you what you like Choose to pursue because no, maybe they're hanging out and but at the end he finds out You know what I mean, but he I don't know he says he he says he knew here, didn't he?

I think I thought I thought they were hanging out all day and then she's like, by the way, I'm married. Right? That's the way I pictured it. And I'm like a movie kind of thing. Yeah. But maybe not. Maybe he knew it from the time. It may have been somewhere in between. Yeah, it's a fucking dinner, but you know.

But it's a fucking wedding. Everybody, somebody knows this woman. Somebody's gonna go up and be like, Oh yeah, that's bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey man, you know she's fucking married. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there's ways, by the way, at a wedding, right?

And we've all been to a wedding. And as I said, I don't know if you, like, when you're single, there's a way to get information. Because you're usually at the wedding with it's a friend's wedding or if you're the friend of somebody who knows everyone. They should print out like a dossier for someone.

They really should. These are the single people. Yes, here's what they're dealing. Yeah really should. These are the single people. Yes. Here's what they're dealing. Yes, exactly. Who's available? You know, whatever. Like, I've been in a wedding and I've seen somebody

and I will go to whoever is my source of information and I'll be like, what's her deal? Yes. Always. You don't like. It's a good point. It's a good point. Or even especially after you have a little chat with someone, because it's like, or even especially,

especially after you have a little chat with someone, because this is the other thing about weddings, people are kind of flirty, right? People are having a good time, there's vibes, it's also is safe, right? This woman you, she wasn't gonna fuck this guy, she's maybe having a good time, you know what I mean? Like, maybe it's like, it's like, you know,

it's like, I can't tell you how many women have basically flirted with me in front of their husband, because it's like, it's like, you know, it's like, I can't tell you how many women have basically flirted with me in front of their husband. Because it's like this, weddings are like a weird word. It's like, everyone is kind of happy. Everyone's got, they're just like, love in the air. But it is wholesome, right? Like, it's like, ultimately it's wholesome

until you push it over the edge and then it becomes, you know, it can be kind of wild. But it's like, I just think it's like, if you're, are you in a place where fucking married women constantly, I guess this is just about this wedding. We're not talking about it. The larger part. Well, he does say he's happening to him. I think it's partially because he's a strangely dating women his age. I think that's the mistake. You know, if you went a little younger,

this would have been as soon as you'd been in. And also look, I don't know, he's a single dad, right? He's 40. He probably gives off kind of a safe nurturing energy, totally. Which is like, they know he's kind of responsible. It's also to a certain, to certain women that is attractive. Yeah.

Especially if you're the kind of woman who's with a fucking dickhead that doesn't pull his own weight. Yeah. You're like, oh, this is a nice talking to a guy who, he's making his life work without a woman at all. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's like, it's almost like this fantasy of like, if I'm gonna, it's like, it's almost like this fantasy of like,

if I'm gonna, it's like, I feel like if women are gonna cheat, they go either with a complete dirt bag who's just trying to, who's just bad for them and is gonna fulfill sexual fantasies. Or it's like, like a nice, you know, dad, who's like kind of wholesome, but also he probably, you know, he could probably let you have it sexually if push came to shove, you know.

It's hard. It's it's actually hard to decide this without seeing him. Mm-hmm. Is it why this always happened to me? It's like, I don't know. Like, he's got a huge cock. You can see it in his pants. Yeah. Yeah. Right, right. It's true. It's true because if you're also just, because this also could be a little bit of like, if you're, I don't know,

because he talks about, like, he says nothing happened with this woman. Do things happen with other women? Like, do women cheat with him? Or does he get into these weird friendships where he's allowing himself to kind of be almost again? It's almost like when you're a fat teen as I was and I didn't have the guts to make a move.

Like I would end up being like an emotional support when all I wanted to do was like date this girl. Like is he kind of like, is he sort of, if he's not fucking these women, then he's what he's talking about is like, he's like like married women befriend him and kind of put him in the weird Yeah, straight gay friends friends on whatever you want to call it if you're not fucking them than this then what you need to do is Stand up for yourself and not put yourself in these positions and it's also because like if that's what's happening if you're not fucking this women then married women and

Like by being a 40 year old single father you kind of have become like a fat teen all over again You like you know what I mean where you're it's like it's like You don't believe in yourself or your wholesome basically where it's like this guy's not gonna go fuck around He's not gonna go treat women badly. I think there's, I mean, I haven't been in the situation, but I imagine in the 40s, there's a divorcee community who is freaky as hell. Absolutely.

I think they're fucking like crazy. You're mean so. But he's not that guy. That's what I'm saying. He's trying to be good, you're right. That's what I'm saying. This is a different, like, and that's how I'm reading this, right?

If there's more information here and he's like, oh no, I've been cucking. I've been cucking insurance salesman left and right. That's different. Now, but you're kind of on to something about the dating younger, because I do think his qualities are like the like 40 year old, like a 40 year old single father

who's very responsible There is like a there's a saddie vibe there. There's a there's a literal like daddy There's a litter he's a literal daddy. Yes I mean that even that much young I'm not usually I say don't date younger But I'm just saying if he's running into this problem of cheating on their husband. Yeah, maybe that's the third yes exactly 30 year is a sweet spot, maybe. But yeah, dude, I don't think about cheating in general. Like, what's your rule? What's my rule?

With like, if you find a woman and she has, you find out she has a guy, you're out, or you in, or what? Hi. Oh, really? Well, like Israel, it's a complicated matter. This is where I start talking bullshit. There's so's so there's so many ways to look at it I know I'm doing some wrong but I don't give a fuck it's really what it comes down to let's just say I'm shelling that guy I'm using white phosphorus on that guy's wife's face with

with no bra no matter what the U.N says, I'm letting it go. Yeah, I think I have matured. Lit is just so funny. I was just literally thinking about this like this week where I was like, because my positive has always been like, ah, it's not your fault. It's the one you're talking about. She's fucking chill, what the fuck do I care? But I do think recently I always been like Ah It's like you're my fault She's the one who's fucking cheer with the fuck do I care?

But I do think recently I've been like Yeah, that is fucked up But it's also it is also I do think it's a case by case thing I think it's a way to get murdered Yeah, probably It's to fucks us No, now there is a self-preservation aspect for sure

But it's like, look, if the guy If I'm not worried about the guy, and the other thing is like, who is this guy? Is he a piece of shit? Is this bitch a piece of shit? It's like, do I have feelings for this person, right? Like, you've been involved with someone

who was in a relationship, like an affair? No, dude, I've been in a nice little string of girls with open relationships. It's almost like the above board, like, which is kind of nice. We've kind of taken, we've taken, it's gone from being dangerous to being like, it's like, well, nice to see you.

Can I get some head please? And then it's like, oh, who are you talking to her boyfriend? Yeah. Dude, I have met a guy. I have, dude, it's been a little stir, like it is weird to shake someone's hand and been like, I was demolishing your girlfriend.

That's why. That's why. And we're both like, nice to meet you, man. You know what I mean? And it's like, you just know. You have an exacly. And women don't understand that weird mask. And I'm trying to, you know,

you're rid of all that matroship, but it's in me like, my ex was with so many other comedians and she told me all of that. And she doesn't know that like every time I'm seeing them, they're thinking, I fucked his girl. I'm like, I know that it's making noise. And I'm freaking, they fucked my girl. I'm all freaking me at each other.

You know what I mean? And it's awkward. Yeah, absolutely. It's like, I'm not a fuck my girl. I'm all freaking me out each other. You know what I mean? And it's awkward. Yeah, absolutely. I'm not saying like, no you're so right, because I don't listen. Body count does not matter to me. No, my wife could fuck that thousand people.

I don't give a fuck. It doesn't matter. But it's a thing of like, I don't want her to fuck 1000 people I see every day. That was my life. That's it. That was my life. That's it. That was my life. That's tough.

That is like, yeah, which some people would argue, you guys are, you guys are, we are being misogynist in a more modern, we're halfway there. It doesn't even, but I think it's right or wrong. I just, it's a feeling. That's exactly right. That's the very high I'm like, yeah. But then, it's just like, just don't tell me.

It's not a worse thing. It's just don't tell me about it. Right, right. I'm like yeah, it's also like it's just like just don't tell me it's not tell me about it Right, I would never have known the thing is none of those guys Ever said a word to me sure. I just knew they just she fucking told me they were just smiling when they said hello to you Oh, hi Louis Good to see you You're like, I think I guys being a little strange anyway I would rather not know that's all just like just don't tell me it's like fine like I don't have a problem with that, but just don't tell me Okay, so let's get let's get to let's see if we can do anything for this guy

What was his final question? I'll just like how does he know what is you know? How do why the fuck do only trust me? Yeah, man, I mean, I think it is a little bit of you clearly are putting out something I think there might be a little bit of that safety thing I think there might be a little bit of what we described if the like you're a good guy You have a kind your kind you know who you are you're the guy in every hallmark movie when she comes when she comes home from her high-powered fucking job on Wall Street you're the guy in car heart who's just raising his daughter and who you know lives like you are a kind of a fantasy to these

women I think and so you just have to don't allow yourself to get it. And even saying pseudo falling in love for the afternoon, part of this is you so want to be in a relationship. You, I can feel it from this. And that's why it's like, that's why I'm saying it reminds me of being a fat 13 year old. Because I was so lonely, I so wanted a girlfriend. But I didn't know how to go about it. And his, that's, his challenges are obviously different

than not believing in yourself, but you do have to kind of set a boundary and like not entertain these kinds of stuff, right? You don't want to be a guy who cheats great. Then you don't, these women, you don't have time for these women. Only give your time to somebody who is not married, find that out. And it is a little bit of, there is a little work that comes to this, I think. There is a little bit of like finding the right woman

who fits into your life as a single father already is gonna be a little harder. Maybe the woman that fall into your lap are all married, but you gotta stop entertaining that and you gotta start looking if that's, if you really do want a relationship, which sounds like you do, yeah, you gotta start looking elsewhere, I think think or you have to know that somebody's explicitly divorced

The good news is he is a catch. He's putting something out there and it's really just Re-shifting your focus. I think that that is what the problem is here It's there's also there's that early question, which is the perfect flirt question is hey, where's your boyfriend? Yeah, you know what I mean what you're husband doing right now? Yeah, they know what you mean, and then you either do or you don't, and then it's on them, you know, whatever, and then you know what's up. So just ask that question early on, so you don't get like halfway involved before the end. It's a good, you know what I mean? How does it go? It's a good flirty question. Yeah, because that's like, another thing is like, your intentions are very clear. Yeah, when you're when you ask that kind of question

Do you think it's a sleazy line? I don't think so I think it's like I It depends how you say you know it depends on where you put the river yeah, yeah, yeah, it does where's your boyfriend little girl They let it they let the head she lead her out here by herself Good luck buddy. I'm sorry that it keeps happening to you alright i'll do what else you got for us hi i'll be out of this and i think i went way the fuck over last time so let's get back for it basically i go to the sd i sd clinic like super often super nice super convenient

i go there recently i go like once every month or once every other month. I go there. The guy immediately give each other this look when he comes out to get me in to do the test. He compliments my outfit because I was like, oh my god, we're wearing the same thing. When we're in there, we are talking about where we're from, we're talking about what we want to do. I guess it's like I'm on a first date. I just place the finger prints instead of pulling a whole pile of like everything because they want to make sure that there's not less biohazard.

My bloodsprays all over his face, which is like never happens on this clinic, he was like kind of shook about it, but he's like wiped off his face and was like laughing and like we were just talking, even though I want to say he publishes like Santa has his face. But anyway, we're getting at one super fucking well, I end up leaving. He writes his name on one of the cards and says like call if you have any questions. He can't hit on me. He's got work. I was like, I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything.

I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going to say anything. I'm not going bit worried about that because I don't want to feel awkward going into this clinic because I really like this place Right, so I don't know what to do one of the crazy things I was vaguely thinking that I get so much more because they asked him question

About if you've ever traded sex for money, so I said yes to you and hope one what if I leave her a view under my sex work Dave and then he'll recognize the face. I don't know I don't know what to do So don't you give me any, I probably was not good enough, I don't know. But let's go. You're detailed enough? Ha, ha, ha, ha. First of all, this girl sounds awesome. These are the kind of people I want in my life.

Wow. This is, there's nothing. This is so cute that she's even calling in. How do I fuck a guy that clearly wants to fuck me? I'm a hot girl that does porn. Do you think he'll fuck me? Come on. Would you, would you be freaked out

if porn star blood sprayed all over your face? After I came back clean, no. But there would be a little, this is the pre-tested blood, I wouldn't be too thrilled. Jesus. This is such a, first of all, this guy has unlocked the new level of scumbag. I didn't even think was possible. Get a job at a STD clinic to get pussy. My hat's off to you, sir.

Remember the bud? The what's commercial with the real man of genius commercial? Yes, yeah, real man of genius. This is a real man of genius. Insanely good move, dude. The women who are coming who are the girls I know who are who are regulars at STD clinics Either like sex workers or they are girls in an open relationship to get you know girls to get tested before or after

Each new partner and who are you know cool responsible They're responsible hot slutty one of the best combinations That's like my favorite if I had to pick three, I'm taking those three over anything. So again, that tip of the hat to this guy. I found that I found most guys working at those clinics are gay. Because most of those clinics are gay clinics. That's who has to get tested more than everyone else. And he did a compliment around fit.

Yeah, I thought right away, like the alpha, alpha, and I'm like, all right. But we're dressed the same. Might be by, yeah, I thought right away. Yeah, I'm like, all right. But we're dressed the same might be by. Yeah, I know. He's wearing a f**k. He's wearing a tube top and knee highs as well. No, she's probably wearing f**kin' all hoodies. That's the other thing. These girls, these girls will, they will be comfy when they're off the clock, which is another thing I really

respect about them. A lot of sweats, you're right. A lot of sweats, which I love. Yeah. So, go ahead, Lee. Well, I mean, it's like, the problem is really, the real is like, it's actually like a classic problem, brought into like a new kind of weird situation

where it's like, you have a place you regularly go. Right. Do you try and date the person that's there? Right. Because that can mean you can't go there anymore. Yeah. Which is like, usually it's like a coffee show. We have had this exact question about a coffee show.

That's from a guy that has no shot, though. This is the difference. It's this SD clinic with a woman that has no problem whatsoever here, right? But yeah, wait til those results come back. Yeah. Oh, believe me. Yeah, he won't be interested at, you know,

I think she's gonna come back clean though. She sounds responsible here. Yeah, I mean, yeah, that is something you have to, you have to think about is how much do you wanna fuck this guy versus how convenient this clinic is? That's the real question. Yes. And I would say, I would say give it a beat, right? Give it a

month. Maybe go back in there. Next time you see him in person, right? Like, I would say give it a beat so that you can really, because it sounds like you're swept up in this fun interaction. You know, you really want to fuck this person, whatever. If you can, if that initial wave of attraction or desire subsides, and you can really think about this and be like, I wanna fuck him, think about the Doomsday scenario of you have to find a new clinic.

Is that worth this dick? That's really the math you have to do. And if it is, and if you think ultimately it is, then there's no question. Like he gave you his number to call back, like if you have any questions, you call back with a dummy question. See what the vibes, if the vibes are flirty,

then you can be like, here's another question would you wanna go out for a drink? He's gonna say yes. And, they can be like, here's another question, would you want to go out for a drink? Yeah. He's gonna say yes. And you can even be like, and if you can't answer it because you're at work or whatever, you know, whatever, just let me know later or something, I don't know.

Like, I think you'd be fine doing that. The other question is, do you want to date someone who's a bad phlebotomist? I'm just gonna assume, I've never heard of a blood The other questions do you want to date someone who's a bad phlebotomist? Never heard of blood spraying all over someone's face right right right right. I've had blood drawn so many times That is true. I mean this person is bad at their jobs doing it. I'm doing looney tune shit with your blood Yeah, if that's how careless he is with with the blood, what's he gonna be like with your pussy? Although that is also it is so this is a this is such a cute story. It's like a meat cube It's a meat you it's a dirt bag meat you that's like he was so flustered because I

Still blood instead of like again a lot over doing the foam on your latte This is actually really cute. This is adorable, but anyway. Yeah, you gotta do the, I would say give it a beat. Do you really want this and then do the math of like, is it worth potentially never going back here even though it's so convenient? And if it is call back with a little, there's nothing to worry about here.

He's not gonna say no. I just realized, but it's really hard to date someone at you that works at your regular SDD clinic, right? Cause they're like, well, why are you coming back in? You know what I mean? Well, I mean, I know that she's a porn star, but I'm just saying. I feel like anybody dates her

and you can just understand. Okay, yeah, yeah. He's not gonna be like, well, with my salary as a guy working at a free clinic I'm going to retire you baby girl if she even wants that. So anyway good luck. Sounds you're in the clear you just have to decide if this is what you want but it's a door this is a very this is I love an adorable dirt pack story. Yeah next week next question big L. Donz. A stop, eldest. Love you guys, love the show.

Hello, esteemed guest. So I'm calling stop to, maybe keep you short and sweet. I'm thinking of going into therapy to deal with all the issues I've got. I know I have to have goals going in, so, you know, like, fucking, you know, I want to deal with my anger issues, overeating, you know, and I'm probably by polar, who want to get all that sort of, you know, but I'm a little nervous that it's like, because I hear stories all the time of people who go into therapy and it doesn't stick and I really tend to overthink things and I just worry

that it's not going to work out for me and it's not going to stick. So I know you've been to therapy before and I just wondered if you've ever had these doubts before going into therapy or if you've ever had these doubts before going into therapy or if you have any advice for that. So thanks a lot. Love the show. Looking forward to seeing you when you come to Tampa. You have a great day.

Love you baby. Bye. There he is. Okay buddy. Yeah. I mean, I think that's all pretty standard. I think people do worry about therapy. Sure.

And the thing is like, you have to look at it as like, it's like going to any doctor. You might go to a doctor, I've gone to doctors and I have just not liked them, right? Like I've had to change my general physician in New York, I've changed them like three times and I'm probably gonna change it. I know, me and Alexell is gonna the same guy.

El just loves our guy. I don't know that he's the guy. I got him, I never any money and I think now it's time to upgrade. For sure. The doctor that's not in, you know, above a, I'm not gonna say what store, but it's an embarrass, not where you want your doctor to be.

I know what you mean. For, anyway, but that's something to consider, right? Is that like, you're going to see a doctor, you're going to see somebody and it's not, it's, it's, you might take some time to find the right guy for you. Yes, exactly. But when you find the right person, it does, it, for everyone I've talked to, it is the ability to change your life and help you work through things. I think all of us have been in therapy at some point. And, you know, there's just,

and it's tough because it takes a while. All these issues are so interconnected and they're so complex that you can feel like I've been in therapy for a long time and I was like this is doing nothing and then all of a sudden I would have I felt like I would have a breakthrough or I've had friends who I've convinced my family I've convinced friends of mine to go in therapy, and I've had friends who I'm like, what the fuck are they doing? And then out of the blue, they leave their job,

or they do this huge thing of they were supposed to be, that I thought they should have been done years ago, but it's like clearly over time, eventually it just like worked. So it is something that if you know, and I think it's very helpful that he's going in with specific things he wants to deal with, anger, overeating, I think that stuff is very,

that's a good place to start, right? But I mean, that's my general advice on it, is like, you know, it might take a little work, don't get discouraged, but it will be helpful, but it won't be overnight. Yeah, I think all that. And I think it's a little bit, not totally. I think I really lucked out or maybe it's just that thing,

like I was saying with my parents, but like the first therapist I happen to see, I think he's great and it's helping me a lot. But I do think it can be for some people, almost like dating. You have to, first of all, I would find someone not just with reviews online, but through someone you trust who recommends them.

For a personal recommendation, if possible. If not, go with reviews online. Or a different doctor who's like, I know I have a colleague who. Yes, someone who you really good. Someone who you trust who might, who might be able to recommend you someone personally instead of just online reviews, if possible.

That's a great thing because there is a new type of doctor in today's age who is an incredible marketer. Yes, like like fuck yeah. I go to a podiatrist, who say, solid, I have no, you know, he's helped me out, but he is so much better at digital marketing than he is podiatry. But he's good, he's good, but he's like, and he's always like, he's upselling you shit.

And he's like, there's this thing, there's that thing, and he's a good businessman. And that's the fucked up thing again. There's a fucked up thing about America. It's that our physicians have to also be business people. They have to do runner practice. But anyway, that's the worst. It's fucking dentist.

They're the fucking scummy. That's shit dude. Like I went to one, I had a tooth that chipped a little bit. I call one place, they're like, well you're at least gonna have to get a nax ray. That'll be 150 bucks. And then everything else, we can't tell you over the phone. We can't give you a quote.

I call my mom's dentist. He's like, no X-ray needed. Come in, I'll fix it for 50 bucks. I was like, what is it? What, I think the X-ray was 200 bucks. He was so strange. I know, and I found, again, a dentist, I upgraded a dentist to like a nice man a nice man had in dentist and

That's trying to upsell you He is not but everything everything is a little more expensive, but They are so professional They're everything so but when I was like when I had this tooth Which I need it got fucking chipped in my sleep. I don't know how that sucks I woke up one day my tooth was chipped I was like I think I really did. And then I took a fat shit before I realized it.

So I was gonna comb through my shit to see if the chip is in there. To glue it back on. No dude, that tooth piece is gone dude. I just wanted to see that it was in my shit. I just wanted to know where it was. But anyway. I'm like a cell phone in the toilet is not for me.

You wanna dig your tooth out of your shit and put it back in your mouth. Oh, Jesus Christ. But yes, I have, I went through that whole racket of like, there was a guy who quoted me $20,000 for you, tooth versus like, you know, I got it. Everything for like eight grand now. It's chipped. So still like, I know, thousand more. No, it's crazy. Anyway, but yeah, that's a good point. It's like, yeah, get somebody you trust. A personal recommendation instead of just reviews, if possible. If not, be okay with saying it didn't feel right,

I need to go to someone else. Yeah, but it is a delicate thing. It's like, you also don't want to be giving yourself like an out and be like, this is how it was didn't feel good because they made me confront something I didn't want to be giving yourself an out and be like, uh, this service didn't feel good because they made me confront something I didn't want to talk about. You know what I mean?

You have to be honest with yourself. You have to be willing to do the work. I feel like a good rule of thumb is like, if there's something just deeply irrationally in you that's opposed to therapy because the mysteries and the unknowns of doing it like make you worry, that's probably a sign you like should open your stomachs.

You need them the most. Yeah, no, absolutely. But once you get to that point too, it's like, you know, it's not like a magic pill or something. It takes work and like, you know, it could take like weeks and months of just like feeling like you're not doing anything, but like you see the effects of it in like different ways.

Totally. After the fact, just down the line. I mean, dude, this has been a crazy year for me and Aldi's especially. We launched the podcast, we were on a tour, we recorded the special, I did this indie movie, we were editing the special. It's been non-stop, and at a certain point, I just miss an appointment with my therapist, and I just have not gone in, like, months at this point,

and it's like, I know I'm worse off for it. Like, in these intangible ways, and there's other times that, and I'm gonna see him again soon, but there's other times in my life where I'm like, I'm feeling great. I don't need to go to therapy. And like, around two months off, would coincide with me making a horrific decision.

Like, fucking up a relationship, like making a bad business. Like, and then I would look back and I'd be like, how the fuck did I do this? And then I'd be like, oh right, I should have gone to Singapore. Like I'm so absent-minded when I start to get busy, I let all my health laps, right?

And that's part of it. And so it's just very useful, I think. It is scary, which is new to you. So you're like, so wait, so I just go to this forever? Is this forever now? And I don't know if you need forever, but I will say I have the same experience where I'm like, I think I'm doing pretty good.

I think I got to handle on things. And then it's just like something happens and it's just like a fucking hurricane of anxiety in my head. And I'm like, what am I doing? I gotta go back, you know? I just need some help right now. And there's nothing wrong with like, you know, I was at a place where it's like,

like if I even just went every month I think I would have been fine this year. Go around but just letting it go completely and kind of losing sight of You're like what you're working on mental health wise because for me it's just been I've been too Like busy with everything that's been going on and it's just like and you can't let yourself do that And I think it's good what your thing is good and I think I'll just write, if you're nervous about finding out that you're bipolar, that's, you should find out other than potentially ruin your life and all your relationships by letting it go on check. And also, let a doctor tell you, I have this thing and soda has a great bit about it, but let a doctor diagnose you with a clinical thing.

Yes, and you're using TikTok to tell you that you have a de-sodor bit, but it's like seriously. You don't buy polar till someone who knows what bipolar, someone who studied that kind of stuff, diagnosis you. Absolutely. Maybe you're just upset. I don't know. No, no, no, you're fully right.

Like, maybe, yeah. Who knows? Who knows what is, maybe you do have it, but I'm saying let a professional find out and help you with the proper way. You know, a hundred percent. Yeah. Let's get another one going. Big L this.

Okay. Hey, stuffy baby. I'm at the llama that I need your help with. Okay. So, the guy I'm to be a hot plant. So the guy I'm dating wants me to fully shave everything downstairs, which I don't want to do. And you know, I keep the trim and tidy down there.

It is not a crazy situation. I've never had any complaints. But my boyfriend says that when he goes down on me, the hair rubbed on his face and that it hurts him. And so I need a man's perspective. Like is that bullshit? Is he just trying to get his way? Are you saying that? Or is this an actual phenomenon? So put the hair on the face, your attrition phenomenon. So thank you, Kiss Pesh. It's got to be rough dating a pedophile. It's not easy.

Yeah, dude. I mean, you keep the, like, OK, I have been in situations where I'm just like, this is a little too much pussy hair. Right? Well, I'm like, can we maybe get a little trim? But if you're a trim, if you're like, you know, if you're into the trim, that's crazy to me to ask for a full shave if you're already trim.

Like my perfect situation is a trim. It's like a little bit of pussy hair. Yes. Nothing crazy, you know what I mean? Like even a, I'll even take a strip before I'll take no pussy hair. I think the strip is where it's at. Ships great. Ships the mouth.

Little Hitler. You're giving me a little Hitler. Give me a little George Washington Hitler. Give me a little gay Hitler, baby. That's what I call pussy. He's smashing some gay Hitler. Yeah, dude. Strip, I think, is like, like no pussy here at all.

It's like, listen, don't get me wrong. I'll take it. And I would rather take that over a wild, overgrown with personally. That's just who I am. But the purpose of this for me is a trim. And so I think that to say it hurts him is crazy. Well, wouldn't stubble hurt more?

Stubble hurts. I also think it's like, I gotta know, maybe try conditioning. Maybe need a little conditioner down there. How coarse is your pussy hair? How coarse is your pussy hair? That's a good question. Seriously, if you're not conditioning it, if it's like, this like, I've never come across

pushing her a course enough to really. It's not a courseness thing, but it's like, you know, it's like a beard stubble. If she keeps her shit trimmed, it could be like some pussy stubble that. That can like rub on your face or something. But see, I don't think she's going down to a number one. It sounds like she's shaving the sides and trimming the top bush. Well,

what is it? I mean, I have no idea how much she says she keeps it neat. You know, I mean, so who knows what that means. That's true. But it really is, I'm not, she doesn't seem to me that she's getting the razor out to the point where stubble happens and she's letting the five o'clock shadow grown her pussy. Not stubble, but I think in general, like, you know, trimmed pubes are pretty short, like whether it's like a little longer visual, it's shorter than usual. It can have like that scratchy little stubble like that.

It can be coarse, if you have coarse hair, it can be coarse. I'm not joking about the conditioner. Like if you don't want a trimming at least condition it, get smoothed out, you know? I'm trying to think yeah I don't know I don't know that I've ever like because even the biggest bush I've had have been have seen kind of soft even because I I don't know if they're too

overgrown they kind of become what is she's a moisturizer so I don't know she's married with a child now no no don I'm talking about this lady. Right, right, right. Okay, so we've had now, but I'm also, I'm thinking about the mechanics of eating pussy. And it's like, most of your face is not really on the, we're talking about the top that's stubbly, right? It can be anywhere, man. I mean, you see bushes can be all around.

It can be the side of a thigh. She's not talking about side of thigh. She claims to keep it neat, which to me feels like we're just talking about the top. I think it just means not letting it, like I keep my pubes neat, which means I got shorter pubes. It's not a part of it that's ever waxed.es neat, which means I got shorter pubes.

It's not a part of it that's ever waxed. It's all right, right, right, right. That's me with neat pubes. Interesting, interesting. Which are not neat right now, I got it. I'm like, I let it go, like you let the therapist go. I got it, I got it, it's future, wow. I would also say that like, it's a little weird

that he gave this as the excuse, but also like people and I made the pedophile joke or whatever, but straight up it feels, there's less friction when you're, because the dick has no hair, the hair's, you know, away from the dick, the pussy lips have hair. So pussy lips without hair, it feels better for both people, I think.

Interesting. No, you don't think so? I guess I don't think about Harry pussy lips I feel like once you're in the pussy, there's no hair involved. I've jammed I not like I know that But I'm just saying like it just feels it does feel better. It feels like total because look you're trying to like I mean I'll just direct to the two camera please Please trying to like right to that part that part right there when you go I know what you're in there. Yes, but like that moment

Feels way better dude, and then you can slip out know what you're in there. But like that moment feels way better, dude. And then you can slip out and go back in and there's not that outside friction with the hair. But see, I think a shaved pussy, more often than I've encountered stubble because of shaved pussy. If in fact, I would say, I have my face has been hurt more

by stubbley pussy than a trimmed pussy. You know the the hotel joke about that. Like your pussy's been up late trying to solve a murder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a classic.

Um, look, we're gonna have to look at your pussy. I don't know. Yeah, I don't try conditioner at first I don't try conditionered first. Yes, try conditionered. But I do think this feels a little like bullshit, right? Doesn't this feel like a guy who wants his face pussy? And there's like, there's like, reading so what he's saying,

but at the same time it feels like a bullshit excuse. Like he's just like grasping for something. Right, right, right, right. Even in situations like that, if there's like a stubbley pussy or something, you just like, you know, correct how you lick the pussy. Absolutely. So you scratch your face.

Absolutely. So, you know, this guy can't say like my fucking face or nose or whatever hurts every time I eat your pussy because like, you're like not. He clearly just wants her to shave her pussy. You know what, it could be though, there is this. Maybe he's saying it hurts, but it's really thinking kind of stinks. And some of the stink is from the retention

of excretions in the hair. There's another problem with pussy hair. There's there's there's traps, there's piss. There's all ceremonies. Like when you go down on a woman who has pussy hair, that first mouth is a mouthful of piss. Dude, you know what I mean? Like that first lick is straight up piss. You got to lick your way through the piss to get to the pussy. You know? And where there's no pussy hair, there's not an issue. So we couldn't be like, man, it's like a piss. It's like a little bit of nasty.

Yeah. Yeah, it hurts me. You know what I mean? It almost seems like less rude to say it kind of hurts my face than like it's a little funky. It's a little, it's a little, you know. Now our friend here seems pretty, she seems pretty open.

So is it possible your pussy stinks? Yes. If, if no, then I do think that if, because that's a good point, if no, then I think, yes, you're right, eldest, this is like, this is like a, he has plausible deniability here, but I don't know that his case would stand up

to cross examination. Like, it hurts just kind of crazy. It is a little crazy. Yeah. And if you don't, and look, is there some compromise here? You know what I mean? Can you trim it a little more? Like, or is there, or you know, for, uh,

He's his conditioner. Try the conditioner. Yeah. That would be an interesting way to call his bluff. Yes. Is to go is to try and make your pussy hair softer. I've never conditioned my pubes personally. What?

I don't I don't shampoo. It's all it's all soap. Come on. You shampooed me. No, it's all soap Come on you shampoo you Elvis I bet you probably need to with that course as fucking No, never my pubes, but I definitely have like my beard and stuff Yeah, you condition your beard right I can I you I've I've beard oil that I leave in this conditioner Yeah, probably your ear is closer to pussy hair. I think yeah, probably probably. So, depending, you know, depends on the woman.

It does. Like you said, you know, some, there are some course, there's some course pussy hair out there. Yeah. So yeah, now our final vote is, I think it's probably bullshit, but that's my take. But you could, you could, if you wanted to continue down this path, you could condition your pussy hair as an olive branch. And if you really don't want to shave your pussy, then guess what, you don't have to shave your pussy.

That's right, yeah, yeah. As long, yeah, she says tidy. Trim is, she says trim and tidy, which is different than just trim. Trim and tidy to me says like, you know. Shaved would have been the word she used if she shaves it. She doesn't shave it.

She keeps it trim and tidy. Do you know what I mean? She's doing what I do basically. What I used to do before I just gave up. But you know, it's shorter pubic hair. Mm-hmm, that's what it is. Yeah, again, look without looking at you. We're just we're hamstrung here. But I think as long as you're being honest about its tightiness and we can

also, if you personally can dispel the pussy stink accusations hurled at you by Louis, I'm just saying it's a possibility. I'm not saying you got us taking pussy. You're not saying you don't have us taking pussy. Sure, you didn't say that. Yeah, give it a little fucking conditioner. And yeah, I don't know. Maybe if you really want to, clearly this is something, the way you would know if it's about hurting himself or not,

is if you just him with a shaved pussy and his eyes light up, Lincoln's Christmas, it's not about how his face feels. You know, there's a way to find out if he's lying or not. Yes, yes. So that's another possibility, but anyway, good luck, he should be able to power through as long as the bushing wild.

Now, this has has I have had arguments when Puzzier is out of control. I'm like come on can we get it a little Can we get it a little under control here? I'm no again. I was never I'm never a shave it Wax every once in a while as a little treat. That's nice. It would be nice, but no no dated dated, that's not necessary, but I have come across some out of control situations where I'm like, come on, I'll trim my shit up too. And listen, if a girl asked me to shave my dick completely, it would be weird, but I would, again,

man, then I'd really look like a fat horny baby. He can't be fat as shit with this, like a little roll. That eats up most of your soft dick too. You can't treat me a piece. You can't be fat as shit. It's like, yeah, yeah, it's like beards with when you're that fat. It's like you gotta have to keep a beer.

I can't grow a good one or else I would. But it's like very fat men have to have beards to give the illusion of a jawline. You do not want to see how round my penis area is. If I don't have some pubes. You're pubic jawline. Yes, he is. Yeah. All right, big L. Dundes.

One more time. I'm watching. Yeah, take a piss, is it? Okay, yeah, for sure. All right, Luis, back with a nice empty bladder elis what do you have for a spout the transfer the

quick question for you i'll see the shore um... i moved to do a new apartment with my parents house like three months ago everything's going fine um... except for the fact that my neighbor, the guy that was living right next door to me, he was a nice guy. But the person who lives in the building next to us, his three Excel bullies almost ripped apart his tiny dog. Oh no. And this caused him to move out of state

back home. And he had a go-fun knee and everything set up for the dog. What's up? And it was just a really bad situation. The dude got his dog taken away like a couple months ago. But today I was turning back up to my apartment and the dude got his dogs back and I know that they're fighting dogs. I know that they're like brain fighting dogs and I'm wondering if I should report him to animal control or to the police because those dogs are fucked up and there's a lady that just moved in downstairs. She got little kids and I just see those dogs taking a bite and there's a get a lady that just moved in downstairs. She got little kids

And I just see those dogs taking a bite no one's saying So let me know what you think Love the pod all Yeah, that's it. Bye. Damn First of all, all right, this is I'm sorry the guy the first guy's dog was killed by these bulldogs and he had to move out The first guy's dog was killed by these bulldogs, and he had to move out. Because maybe he wasn't sure that the dogs were being taken away.

Maybe the dogs were still there at that point. Yeah. It also seems like maybe that dog, there's a small dog, but it didn't die, but it got like fucked up. I mean, why else would you start to go fun? That's for the funeral. You can't have a nice one.

This is when I get real, this is one I get real Europe immigrant with it. And I'm like, just shoot the fucking dog and move on. Well, I'm like that the other way with the other guys dogs. Like fuck that guys dog. No, no for sure. I'm with it in both cases where I'm like, we're letting dogs ruin our day. And I'm no, I know, I know.

80% of the people is think I'm a fucking, you know, brutal like piece of shit, but they're fucking animals who gives a fuck. Yeah. All right. I mean, I really, that is something that the third world has right. Let dogs fucking be in the yard, throw them a little bit of fucking ground beef you have left over. Don't be fucking. I around there. My parents found a dog. She was this adorable dog and

it's hilarious because they didn't my dad just straight up wanted to steal her. He like he refused taking her to the vet to you know because they're microchipped. Oh, he didn't want to take her to the vet. He just wanted to keep it and be like, what is my dog now? He took him away. I'm like, you have to see if it's somebody's dog. You can't just fucking keep a dog because you found out the street.

Turns out it was like an abandoned dog. And she's little so everyone thought she was a baby but she's just like an old shitsoo, you know? Oh, okay, cool. But she's great. She's a cool dog. Our family is, everybody loves her. My mom loves her in a way that we didn't have

Pesmer Little because we had asthma. And the dog has a heart problem, right? And my mom, they took her to the vet and they were like, well, she's either gonna be out. We have to do this test and it'll tell us, she's either okay or she's going to need surgery. My mom was like much if she needed the surgery how much would the surgery be and they're like $8,000 or something And my mom was like don't do the test Either the dog is living

Because she doesn't have this heart problem or the dog is dying from the heart problem Like we're not like she, you know. And by the way, thank my mom's a real one because who do you think's paying for that fucking dog surgery if it needed surgery? Mom don't got a grandline around. We're picking up another weekend. We're gonna have to sell one more little more merch to get that dog a fucking heart transplant.

So shout out to my mom. Or else there goes Eldis is Christmas bonus. So you should really be thanking her eldest. But now here's another, so now this guy's like, he's living with these terrifying dogs in the complex. My initial thing, not being in his position is like snitching even though dogs is kind of gay

You know what I mean like like calling I just hate calling fucking and like Cops for anything that doesn't seem totally necessary whatever dog is gonna Murder the kids, but that's the thing is like gonna eat the kid. Yeah, I mean that's like I know I know it's just did just but the dog the dog no no it's yeah Yeah, yeah,, that's like, I know it's just get stitches, but the dog, the kid's not an early grade. It's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, absolutely, but it's not his kid. Like shouldn't the kid's parents call fucking animal control? Well, you could just maybe just let him know,

hey, there's these, at least at first step, let the lady know there's these dogs there and they've been a problem. I don't know what it takes to get someone's, get rid of these dogs. Can you just stitch on anybody, like fuck this guy's dog and then they take the dog away? Well, this clearly, I mean,

you would think this incident would be kind of enough, like, and it's like he knows, you know. No, he just says the dog, my dog bit another dog. You know how dogs are, they do, you know, there's ways to lie around that. It's becomes too sighted. But I just think those, you know, I don't know, man,

I'm kind of like you with the dog thing. A while they're bit me in the face when I was 10, so I don't have a lot of sympathy with those. I can't understand the way people let dogs take over the life. Someone else made a comment about how it's like, these people like, they say single, they don't want, they don't want the responsibility of a kid,

and they're like, oh, I can't go out tonight, I have to stay home with my dog. That's another problem. I mean, like, it's just ridiculous. I'm gonna have to plan my life around a fucking dog. You gotta be kidding me, right? I'm never doing that. No way.

Like, I could see if I ever settled down, had kids the whole thing, and someone's gonna be at this house forever, and it would be nice to have a dog around your kid. Sure. Okay, and at one point of my life, I do want a dog, and maybe when I do, I mean, my life's been too, aren't you in our lives, are too transient, you can't really, whatever. Maybe that's part of it, I've never felt I do want a dog. And maybe when I do, I mean my life's been to, aren't you in hard lives or to transient,

you can't really, whatever. Maybe that's part of it. I've never felt the love of a dog. I'm sure that's what everybody's going to say to me. Um, but in this case, yeah, it's, I mean I would, I guess you released, there's an incident that's already happened. Yeah.

And you could follow up and be like, hey, what's going on here? I thought these dogs, I don't feel safe, this isn't safe in the neighborhood. What do you say about framed? They're framed. Do you know what this phrase is? I mean, you said trained.

Oh, trained, okay, thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're trained fighting dogs. I mean, that's like, that's scary. That's like having unregistered weapons in your fucking house. Like, yeah, I guess that's scary. That's like having unregistered weapons in your fucking house. Like, yeah, I guess that's true.

If you're fucking neighborhood on AK-47, and with just sometimes it fired one bullet at a little dog, you'd be like, I could fire a lot more bullets at me. I don't know, which is scarier. Which would you rather, air 15 next door, or three XL bullies trained for fighting? I think that's a great question. I think I would go gun.

Yeah, probably. I mean, I don't actually, I don't know. If anything, as long as the guy's not insane, statistically, if he's gonna kill anyone, it's himself with the gun. Yes, that's good. But the dogs, dogs go fun. The dogs might kill anyone, yeah, you're right.

And we gotta know what kind of a yard situation, what kind of fences are in place. Right. Man dogs, those are like, those are really big ones too. Yeah. I mean, those are like, look up, look up Excel bully. Yeah, can we see what they look like? Isn't that the dog that was just banned in Great Britain? I don't know.

I'm serious. Oh god, damn. Those things are out of control, yeah. Oh, they're awesome. They're awesome. They're awesome, dude. Those are sick dogs. I mean, and sometimes I know people hate on pit bulls.

And I've seen like sometimes pit bulls can be like almost adorable, like cow like dogs. I kind of love those dogs to be honest with you. I kind of want one. Yeah. They look pretty good. My dream dog would be you mix that with a really fat bulldog and just kind of get a chubby jacked one. Oh, yeah, yeah.

That's what I want. I want to be half English half XL Maya my assistant you said it was half English Bulldog half pug and that was a cute Sorry, yeah, I Guess you could follow up with the situation You you're in a new apartment. I what like I guess it's probably not a good apartment. There's no like H.O.A or anybody or any kind of you know It's probably not a good apartment, there's no like HOA or anybody or any kind of,

you know, anybody who you can check in on this. But. Well, this is his first apartment. He moved out his parents' house like three months ago. And I'm gonna say one thing to look out for is the Yardful of Fighting Pitbull's next door. When you're checking out an apartment to raise. Yeah, sure.

Maybe you say, oh, there's fighting dogs. Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna, no thanks, no lease, you know? And I guess my other follow up is, are you, who has these dogs? Are you scared of them? Yes, there's that also. As a pro, like finding out you snitched.

Yeah. That's kind of way more what my thing is, because like, look, somebody with a kid, snitches, it's like, I have a fucking kid to protect. Yeah. Some nosy 20 year old yes yes you've never harmed yeah yeah oh your gay neighbor got his shit sue fucking rip the throat ripped out that's not you bro you I mean I know like

there is a little bit of like this guy's like why are you in my fucking bit did you call like God forbid it kind of gets back to some Luna Tiku as who breeds fighting dogs and trained fighting dogs. Do you want to be on this guy's shit list? I say you call up but you do a fake voice maybe like a Mrs. Doubtfire kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello, yeah. There are some very dangerous bullies that my black neighbor has. I don't care that he's black by the way, I'm just giving you details. I'm being sure statistically, isn't more often black people?

No, it's not. Okay, well listen, I don't want to really argue with you about this, but... Racist Mrs. Doubtfire, racist, racist, Karen, racist, Karen Mrs. Doubtfire, racist, racist, Karen, racist, Karen, Mrs. Doubtfire. Why do only, there are only 12% of the population, but they have 80% of the fighting dogs. Like, okay, we were kind of with you at first, Mrs. Doubtfire, and we will check this out, but you really should do a little more research

on what you're saying. Thank you. That's really funny. but you really should do a little more research on what you're saying. Thank you. Oh, that's really funny. Let's take it my face. Oh, that's fucking funny. All right, so yeah. That's what I would have to weigh if I were you.

It was like, are you scared of this person? We're scared of the dogs. We're scared of the dogs. Yes, that's exactly it. And yeah, and if there's some kind of a coward's way to report this, maybe do it, but that is fucked up. Sorry, you have to deal with that. And good luck. And I feel bad for those fucking dogs, man.

Like a fighting dog. Well, it's like, it's also like the fact that he trained into the fight dogs. That's what makes them dangerous is that the way this guy's trained them you know yeah all right what do we got LD my style trial then I guess I help I'm going to call it this year. I decided to get a random roommate. Nice. And she, I'm white.

Oh, no. Cultural dishes. Cultural dishes. Well, I'm a chef. I don't know if you say, I literally can't be in the room. She's a piece of, I think it's not something you're used to for hours. I've had to see a nice friend's dorm. I don't know what to say because I can't be OK. You're culture-riches and I'm a shit don't let they do.

So please help me out. What do I say? What do I do? How do I break it to her that I like, I have to stop that. Thanks. Please help me out. I'm really struggling. I'm a virgin here every time I walk into my room. Because I just want felt that. Thanks for helping out. I'm really struggling.

I'm a burden to yours every time I walk into my room, because I just want to watch. Okay, all you're quality, not great, but I believe what she's saying is, for cultural dishes. Cultural dishes smell like shit. Didn't say which culture. Yeah. I have a guess. What's your guess?

I'm not going say it it could I know it could be any number of could be a lot of them could be any number of them um in a dorm though she's cooking what the fuck no she's down the dorm she's in the college she's in college okay okay. I ran. I ran it. I ran it. I ran it. I guess that's you. Do you have those little apartments? Um, damn. I mean, my advice is fucking grow up and try some spice in your business. Like what's your problem? Like, yeah, there's flavor in some dishes

and some regions of the world. Yeah, we're sorry. I just can't. Buttered noodles. I can't have buttered noodles with a little salt. And if I'm feeling crazy, a little garlic salt. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, I mean, look, there is no way around this. Like, unless she's cooking crazy shit, like if she's cooking like, she knows her.

I mean, she's fermented like dead fish shit. I used to, like, dead fish shit. It could be, you know what, kimchi is pretty stinky. And I love kimchi, but it sticks. You gotta, you know, they have a special fridge to make kimchi, because it stinks so bad. Put it away from the other shit. Right, right, right. Because it stinks.

So if it's on that level, that is a legit concern. If the process is very stinky, or she's like constantly has like fish, guts, or whatever whatever lying around. That's one thing. But if it's just very fragrant, you really can't say shit. If they're using some kind of strange ingredient that really bothers you, you could be like,

hey, could we cut this down a little bit? Or you could even be like, see, it's hard because you're in a part where the kitchen, you can't be like, the one way to go about it would be to be like, hey, all the cooking, any cooking bothers me. Not this specific, it doesn't have been, not yours, even if it was fucking hamburgers, I would be causing a lot, right? That's really funny. But it's like, the way she says cultural dishes,

it makes me, it makes me blame her, I think. 100%. There's like a lack of, I've had any kind of exposure to other foods, which sounds like cultural dishes. Cultural dishes is so funny. We are, I mean, you seem like a nice girl, but you are giving us like, you're in your embryonic Karen phase right now. Yes, exactly.

Where it's like, you could go one of two age. This is a big moment in your life. Okay, and you have to recognize, are you in the wrong here? Are the dishes just a little over the top? Like, I had an Ethiopian roommate, and he would, he would cook, he wouldn't cook a a lot but when he did, it was very fragrant but it was good.

It was like, I was like, this is a weird smell that I'm not used to but it doesn't smell bad. Exactly. And most of the time, most ethnic foods, my house smelled, we had a lot of fucking Greek food getting cooked and there were some dishes that smelled like dog shit. My mom would make a cauliflower dish that was so bad. It smelled like farts. The whole fucking house smelled horrible.

And there's not a taste. I was not. I was never tasting that. I was like, it smells like farts. I'm not tasting it. There's no way it smells. It doesn't taste, even if it's better. It doesn't smell, it doesn't taste that much better. So unless she's cooking up like,

what's that one fruit durian or whatever? That smells like that. That's the smell of the fruit. That does smell. That's it does smell. Unless she is cooking up like rotten, fermented fish and durian and all this shit. Unless it's really atrocious.

You might just have to buck up here and just like, all right, she's making a fucking curry. Who cares? It's really, it really is dependent on the food. It's like, it's dependent on the pussy. I mean, all these things are really like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all like, if we could be there and smell it. I know.

It's too many kids to sell it, send a smell over the internet. I would love to smell. I do, I kind of want to take a couple whiffs to just know what we're dealing with here. And you might need to, here's what you might need. You need a second and even third opinion. Yes.

And they can't be as white as you are. You need, you seem, you seem Midwestern regular ass white. You need an anethnic white of some kind. Yeah, at least. Do you know Greek? Do you know a fresh off the boat? And by the way, within one generation, you can't have some bitch, you can't have Ashley

Tamborelli, whose family's been here for six generations. I was like, yeah, I'm Italian. You need somebody whose parent speaks a different language as an accent to come in and tell you if it's really too bad. Yes, that's it. Okay, you need someone between your level of whiteness and your friend's level of ethnicity Your roommate so now she might have gotten a completely fresh off the boat roommate and there is a little bit of cultural thing But it's like you're this we have to are you in the right or not and

The problem is even if you're not You're just this is what happens when you have here. you have a problem is you don't have enough friends to not have a random roommate. By the time you're into kitchen, that's probably you're in upper class, right? At least in my college, you were in dorms, your freshman year, sometimes when you're sophomore year, you got the apartments with kitchens, you're junior and senior year. With your friends. You didn't have one other bitch that can be in your fucking maybe it's your personality that's the issue here that opened you up to the smells of

the Orient. Maybe maybe all the other kids are schooled are cultural and she doesn't get a long way there. There's too many cultural motherfuckers moving into this neighborhood. It's getting a little too cultural around here for my taste. That's a nice, that's a new euphemism, is cultural. So anyway, good luck. Sorry to be a little harsh on you, but find that, he's a thing. You need to find out of this, you are not,

because if it's you, you need to buck up and just grow up and smell a couple of vegetables you're not used to. If it's not you, then you still have no out here. There's no way to complain about this without sounding racist. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. Right?

But at least you know it's not you. And then you'd say, all right, well let's never get a random roommate again. You're just learning a lesson here. Yes. Where it's like, look, it's like this is just what can happen if you open yourself up to the random horrors of, you know, of random selection.

I mean, and the real problem is the cultural thing, because like there's a thing about like, just microwaving fish in the office microwave. So people just don't, you know, like fish, it could just be fish. It could just be fish. You know what I mean? So it's like, it's the cultural thing

that makes it a little questionable. I would say it, is that it? Right, right. That is true. What do you cook? You know what I mean? I mean, I get it. This bitch is probably never cook.

Like most American college students have cooked like pancakes. Yeah, sure. You know what I mean? She probably just doesn't cook at all. And this is just zero to 100 for her, right? Yes. She's like, these are the dishes she need.

She should be trying these at 34 and stealing them for her blog. For her mommy blog. Like something stink and they taste good. There's cheese that stinks that tastes good. Human can sometimes have a bio vibe, but I fucking love it. Yeah, what I mean is delicious.

That's true. She stinks and it tastes good. So maybe you need to get in to stink. I mean, can sometimes have a BO vibe, but I fucking love it. You know what I mean? It's like, delicious, a few cheese stinks, and it tastes good, so maybe you need to get in to stink. Right, get in to stink. Get in to stink. Yeah. Yeah, good luck. Sorry, that's not an easy one, but we're rooting for you. Anyway, that's gonna do for our episode folks.

Louis, thanks for being here, man. Thanks for showing me. That was fun, that was great. So fun. Go watch the special guys. It's out. That was fun. That was great. So fun. Go watch the special guys. It's out on YouTube right now. That's right. You're going to love it.

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