Stavvy's World - #53 - Sam Morril

Starting point is 00:00:00 I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

Starting point is 00:00:27 and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family

Starting point is 00:00:48 Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb Welcome everybody to Stabby's Road an incredibly special episode or one year anniversary with the first guest We ever had Sam Rose coming up right now but before that we just want to tell you about some incredibly incredibly exciting stuff we got going on here. Biggest thing of all tomorrow fat rascal the special comes out on Netflix please please watch it. We worked really hard on it. I think you're gonna really like it and if you also it's the holiday season you're looking for stocking stuffers. Okay, you need a stocking stuffer. We got two of the best for you. The calendar is out the 2024 Stavvy Baby erotic nude calendar, tasteful news out right now.

Starting point is 00:01:38 Go to Stavvy.biz, get you a calendar, give it to your mom, give it to your dad, give it to anybody that needs to keep track of their days and wants to see my ass cheeks That's out there and look we got Ronnie T-shirts, baby You want to support Baltimore's favorite son Ronnie the the the Baltimore Raven Superfan that people whose videos people keep watching and won't stop and They're so successful. I probably won't be able to ever stop them even though, you know, I feel like I kind of have done the character, you kind of get the fucking joke, but all right, hey, you keep watching, I'll keep doing, put your money where your mouth is and buy the t-shirt. You like it so much, I gotta watch every Sunday and I'm kind of worried about what I'm gonna say, I can't just enjoy my favorite team anymore.

Starting point is 00:02:26 Now I've even turned that into work. Let me get a couple dollars out of it, huh? What do you say, folks? So go stop me, Tom Biz. Buy the calendar, buy the Ronnie shirt, and watch the special most importantly. And right now, please enjoy this episode. It's so fun. He's the man, one of my favorite guys in the entire world.

Starting point is 00:02:45 And here we go, one year anniversary. Thank you so much. We did it, folks. One year of Stavis world, here's to, I don't know, hopefully forever. That's right, forever. And actually, most importantly, even more importantly than our special, I want to tell you, I want to remind you what to do with your ass when you shit. That's right. We want to thank our sponsor Tushy.

Starting point is 00:03:07 At HelloTushy is offering our listeners an exclusive limited time offer of 15% off your first bidet order. Plus free shipping! That's right, go to HelloTushy.com forward slash Stabby for 15% off all bid days. That's HelloTushy.com and at the promo code StaviSTAVVY at checkout. See site for details. Okay? Clean ass, clean up your ass, throw on Netflix, do a little online shopping. We got it all figured out. Now let's start the show. Oh Welcome everybody to stop these world 904 800 stop. It's a fuck. It's been a year. Can you believe it?

Starting point is 00:03:50 Oh the year anniversary we're here Blue by it's just me it means I've been sitting in these chairs for one year. Yeah, you were our first guest You're you're episode one episode whatever the hell this is I just want to be at 52 You're episode one episode whatever the hell this is I just want to be at 52 Which you know how many weeks in a year? It should be the half We didn't know the weak saw folks. Do we mail them in sometimes? Yeah, but you're getting something. Oh, I saw those Well if that happens somebody canceled and the other guy was very available

Starting point is 00:04:27 the pushy available it's the it's a new it's a new dawn it's a new day here in stovies world now could we have done something with the set maybe change literally anything maybe but the set stays another maybe another year uh... who knows you down the village man i know dude we are to say it's trying to get me to be a city boy uh... it would be nice i have so i did um... i was gonna go on a

Starting point is 00:05:01 tour right after so oh and another other big news My special comes out tomorrow on Netflix fat rat by I mean, you know tomorrow in terms of when people Sure, no you send me you send me a corrupted file that I so I watched it you were like let me let me get your take on this And I was like I want to watch it Yeah, one of the only comics you special I will actually really appreciate that comedy thank you You know, yeah, I'm pretty fond of you as a person as well. Of course. But I'm watching it and I'm like, killer, I love it. And it's a corrupted file you sent me.

Starting point is 00:05:31 And I'm like, well send me the uncurrupted one so I can see the end of the special and you're like, oh, get on it. I know you're never gonna send it. So I have the way, I have the way like the rest of the people. No, you'll get it. I knew you would. I get, you'll get it.

Starting point is 00:05:43 I just, you know what's, that's, that's, that's what shows what a good friend you are. Because I was just asking about the first 10 minutes because I wanted to fix an audio issue. The turns out I was just being crazy. You know when it's like your special, you're just like I wanted to be perfect. Everybody I showed it to was like this is what are you talking about? Looks great too.

Starting point is 00:06:01 So thank you. Appreciate it. Paramount of theater, Austin. Paramount in Austin. You're the fat rascal. Tomorrow folks get Netflix is doing a new thing where you know everybody steals Netflix. They started logging people out. So what I need you to do right now is talk to whoever is Netflix you have and ask them to check their email. Click, yes I am traveling. Because that's the only loophole around it. It's because I have my brothers, which is hilarious. I know, I'm fucking, I should buy my own Netflix.

Starting point is 00:06:32 I have my dad still. Dude, it's gonna come up. I know. It's gonna come up. I pay for all the other ones, but I use the one. That's the one my dad just has had. Yeah, exactly. So anyway, make sure you got your shit in order.

Starting point is 00:06:44 Fat rascal Let's take it to the top charts. Let's make it beat whatever I don't know Ryan Reynolds movie about reconnecting with his father We get it Whatever other bullshit is on Netflix watch my bullshit instead. I got a lot riding on this So that so it's a big is this a big weekend stop in Stavis World. We got the special tomorrow, we got the year anniversary, we got our best pal Sammy the Bull in the fucking studio. In the flesh.

Starting point is 00:07:15 Thanks for coming, man. I think it took me, I got into a long train twice. I know. The only person I come to a story of was. Yes, thank you. This is, I'm not, you know, I'm not cabin here in Russia or anything. Yeah, you know me. I know it is, it is embarrassing.

Starting point is 00:07:28 You, you're the most born in New York person possible and you got on two wrong trains to Queens. Well, I'm using old New York things where I got on the queue for getting the queue goes to the Upper East Side. Yeah, yeah. No one else is going to get it. Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying. No, they'll love it.

Starting point is 00:07:43 But there's like, there's like 10 nerd nerds who are dreaming of moving to New York, they're like, oh, they can't go to the upper right. Because that was me 10 years ago listening to podcasts. When they were talking about trains, I'd be like, wow. Wow, the New York City subway. When I was like, the year 2000, let's say, when we graduate 11, 12, to 12, I have my first day job and I'm just listening to, it's funny

Starting point is 00:08:07 because a lot of the times I just do are people that I am now friends with. I was a big YKWD guy. That was a big one. Before I even opened for, or actually maybe I was part time opening for Bobby, but I was still a big YKWD guy. And I'm just sitting there and just listening to like list

Starting point is 00:08:21 and Bobby, like literally two of my best friends, but I'm ever going on there and being like, why did you book five other people? I know. Oh my god, this is supposed to be an opportunity for me and they'd be like, we booked every comment. Yeah. My favorite thing Bobby would do is he was such a egalitarian that if he told some open-micro, he could do the podcast.

Starting point is 00:08:42 And then there was one thing where he surprised last minute got burned and it was like bill burr and then it was like your Tim Dillis roommate did bringers. And it was like, you couldn't have, and the guy was like speaking up, like he didn't know to just be like, all right, this, I'm gonna use this as a credit and I'm gonna shut the fuck up.

Starting point is 00:09:02 He didn't know to be intimidated by bill burr. He was like, getting in the conversation. It was so fucking funny. Bobby's a man, dude, but it's getting like, you got a time of year where like I like this time of year. I love this time of year in New York, but you're starting to see the coughs and you're like, oh yeah. Wet coughs on the train. The guy not even fucking, just an old sickly looking guy is like, pfft, I'm like, that's fucking nice. It's fucking brutal. Ronan is back.

Starting point is 00:09:31 Ronan is back, I had it, Eldis never got tested, but he fuck, he had it. Do you wanna know? I think I'm one of those now too. I think I'm just like, I'm done testing. I lost my taste and smell and he fucking had it. I literally, I wouldn't'm just like, I'm done testing. I lost my taste and smell and he fucking had it. So, literally I wouldn't have gotten tested, but I just had like, I had left over like a stock pile of tests

Starting point is 00:09:51 and I just woke up and I was like, I feel like dog shit and I just took it and I was like, oh, I guess I have it. And he was, we were in a car driving in a lot, you know, car windows up, just talking to eldest for four hours driving up to New York. So it's like, I definitely got it from that motherfucker. But, you know, the person who's just like refuses to admit their sick to, you know, the guy who comes in,

Starting point is 00:10:13 he's like, he's like, it's allergy. Literally, he was eldest. You look like a ghost. 100%. You're just very ill. 100% eldest to a T. It was in Baltimore too, we got in Baltimore. So he's like hugging all our family members.

Starting point is 00:10:26 He's like kissing my sickly grandmother. He's like one of our friends, baby. He's just like a lifting a baby up in the air and it took zero precautions. Didn't give a fuck. Luckily, not gonna. Like a nursing home just to say hi. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:10:43 Yeah, it's uncharacteristically nice while having undiagnosed and being like, I can't smell anything. Just an old lady across the street and I've been carried to groceries upstairs. I was like, no, come inside and breathe on you. Yeah. But anyway, but yeah, dude, I know it is, there is a magical, we were past it now for again this

Starting point is 00:11:06 the date is december fifth and now in the and the semper fifth uh... or fourth whatever the fuck date is uh... and like new york is magical in october it's magic early in the semper to the early yeah i mean it is it is if once you want you just make peace with the cold,

Starting point is 00:11:25 but October's nice, because it's like, you get crisp fall days, and then you get the random just nice days, just shorts and like shit, in the middle of like the fall, it's so, it's the best fall in the world. I love it. So much, but we're like, Jack,

Starting point is 00:11:42 it doesn't, you don't even need to wear it. It's like the only time you get to be like fashion. Yes, yes, yes, yes. It's kinda nice. A little jacket, a little accessory. I got myself a little, now you're not penned in by the confines of what DXL has to offer Sam, the big and tall store, but I got myself a nice little

Starting point is 00:12:02 three XL Brooks Brothers light jacket. You'll be seeing around town It's tough because you can really only dress like if you go to a bigotel store your options are like big J or like like Lawyer on vacation Like those are that's really it. They have huge George and killer You have huge George or you have like fucking you know cheating on my like Kendall roll or not can't what was the Homeward in that In that

Starting point is 00:12:31 Moomoo yeah, yeah, yeah, they have a moomoo too, but they have like who's what was the dad in succession like you could dress like him or you could dress like Big J Logan Logan Roy. Yeah, yeah, you've a lot of sweaters it nice? A nice look, but but those you two there's no corporate stuff. He would be a fun trade. Yeah, yeah, I would do it. When I back in that again, that era of the 2011 listening to pods, working my day job, dude, I was first of all, I was fat as shit like actually probably as fat as I am now, but the fat as I ever was, which is now in 2011, and I was wearing,

Starting point is 00:13:07 come down, come to the village and we'll fucking, dude, no, we're gonna be good, but, go to yoga, we'll go to, we'll, we'll, I love it. I got a personal trainer, she wants to see you. All right, all right. She's good, man. We'll get in there, but dude, I was wearing like,

Starting point is 00:13:19 just the most, like, all my clothes were like, they were supposed to look like slacks but they fully had an elastic waistband but it was just like and they had like buttons for show. They had like show buttons. Like a baby the way... Why do the khakis say champion on them? The hell is going on.

Starting point is 00:13:38 Dude, the way I dressed and the way a baby and a wedding dress was exactly the same. It's like just little buttons, so your mom thinks you're cute. It was like me wearing little buttons, so my boss didn't know I'm wearing glorified sweatpants. It was like costume, costume like pants. It was fucking crazy. That's the tough thing,

Starting point is 00:13:58 because you gain weight, you really get to dress for comfort. Yes, you got it. I mean, I was comfortable. And right now, I'm always comfy. Tracksuits. Tracksuits, Hawaiian shirts. You know what I'm saying? I just want to Phoenix and Matt Coleman who does that club was like, I got Stavvy, uh, two tracks. You got me. Tracksuits. Yeah. Yeah. That's your, that's part of your personal. Yeah. Yeah. People know to get leisure. I'm leisurely, dude. And then look, there's something to live in life leisurely,

Starting point is 00:14:26 but, you know, I would like a couple more options, but that's why. We'll get you healthy in the village, man. Yeah, well, I did, I did put, I was gonna go on a big tour after the special, but I'm just going crazy. So I'm pushing back, sorry folks. I was gonna hit the road starting in February,

Starting point is 00:14:42 and I have the makeup shows, because the Detroit Grand Rapids were making those up and also Dallas. Detroit Grand Rapids, I got COVID obviously. And then Dallas, look, it's time I came clean. It was the day after my special and I would rather do mushrooms and watch heat than the show in Dallas.

Starting point is 00:15:00 That's why I canceled that show. Every other show has been a legitimate reason. But Dallas, me and eldest were like, we're gonna go straight from filming the special to fucking Dallas. Why would you book a gig after a special? We didn't, I didn't know. It was, it was like,

Starting point is 00:15:14 oh you, you filmed the special as you went. I filmed the special, like this tour was going and I was like, I wanna film this now, I feel hot. And then I looked at the calendar, ooh Austin, perfect, but, Dallas, right after. And I was like, I'm not going to work after a special. When did you decide to cancel it? Ooh, it was a little too close.

Starting point is 00:15:33 Look, I'm coming clean, I'm a man of honor. I could have lied to you about this. But yeah, it was like, it was like, wait, like, to my defense, I told my agent earlier, but I think they were like trying to figure out a date. You know how, you know how? Stop sick. Yeah, literally.

Starting point is 00:15:50 It's like, oh, sorry, something, I don't think I even gave them the dignity of a real excuse. It was just like, something came up and I was fully doing mushrooms. I rented a sick Airbnb in Austin. We were grilling, we were doing mushrooms, and then we watched heat. That was the way we celebrated the special. It's a great movie. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking Michael Manchuk. An absolute banger. An absolute banger. Yeah. I'm trying to think I'll never canceled a gig. You got to do mushrooms? Never. No.

Starting point is 00:16:18 No. No. We got to get you. I've been pretty fucking hungover and still powered through. But yeah. I have done the IV. We've done it together. Of course. Well, I'm an IV champion. I'm constantly doing IVs on the road. You feel awesome. You feel fucking good. You feel sick.

Starting point is 00:16:34 We did at Norman's wedding. I know. That was fucking great. Another time I did mushrooms. Did mushrooms. That's right. Kind of by accident. That's like, I like and drunk at weddings though.

Starting point is 00:16:44 Well, it was so fucking weird because I was like I was being soap like I was on a sober kick because it was that was before the special I recall that was What when it normally get married? Yeah, yeah, whatever fuck mark. I was just being sober for whatever reason. I don't remember what it was. I think maybe it was For the tour yeah, cuz I was cuz when I was in sober. I was getting even f, yeah, because when I wasn't sober, I was getting even fatter and more unhealthy. And I was like, all right, if I'm at least sober, I won't go crazy.

Starting point is 00:17:12 And then in my head, I was just getting jealous of everyone getting fucked up at the wedding. And I was like, mushrooms, it's not as bad. I don't know what the fuck math I was doing. And then as soon as I did mushrooms, I was like, why don't I just also get fucked up?

Starting point is 00:17:26 And so it completely defeated the purpose. And I just got fucked up later than everyone else. I got to took mushrooms, I was fucking, and also New Orleans, bad place to do mushrooms. The vibes are fucked, everything's haunted. You're like, there's a little mushroom, but there's a little ghost around the corner. Every hotel's haunted there.

Starting point is 00:17:44 Dude, what does every hotel's like? We have ghosts. I'm like, that's fucking weird. It's so every hotel's haunted there. Dude what did every hotel's like we have ghosts I'm like that's fucking weird. It's so weird and say it like it's normal They're like we have we have a ghost you're like how did I end? A lame ghost haunts a fucking Shitty ass that goes yeah the ghost having like the the most fucked up turkey sausage in the morning The ghost the ghost you like the most fucked up turkey sausage in the morning. The ghost the ghost You guys are enjoying your free breakfast The yogurt is warm now you wanted a yogurt, but it's room temperature

Starting point is 00:18:17 Yeah, dude, it's it's so haunted there that mark who's really not a superstitious guy in most ways It's just like oh yeah, there's ghosts here And he says it like it's just purely fact. Do you believe in ghosts? Dude, being in New Orleans kind of makes me be like, some's fucked up here. Some spirits. I've never encountered a spirit. Not that I know of, but like,

Starting point is 00:18:37 because you think that, but then it's just like the light flickering. And there was, there was a, there was a, you know, like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, he just replaced the bulb though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Although there are some homes with their like, there was a murder here and you're like,. Also, he just replaced the bulb though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Although there are some homes where they're like,

Starting point is 00:18:47 there was a murder here and you're like, we'll just don't move into that home. Yeah, yeah. Demolish the home. Unless you get a good deal. That's the real estate. I'm like, a family of seven was murdered and you're like, maybe it's like 3,500 of us.

Starting point is 00:18:59 That's pretty good. You'll knock off 600? You'll knock off 600? So somebody, there's a woman met her brutal and in this bathtub they never found the murder but he's probably not gonna come back that would be the arrogant murder of the back to the scene of the crime

Starting point is 00:19:13 that they do that all that's a classic thing they do uh... yet that's true new york is so about deals that it cancels out like ghosts were as in new orlands everyone is just so about the vibe and how you know We're two we're too frugal here to worry about ghosts I just don't think ghosts and maybe like out like outside of the city But what ghosts is gonna hang in a studio The scary footage is off the whole You wouldn't even say you would just be in the room the whole time you can't surprise anymore

Starting point is 00:19:42 Yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh, I'm turning a hot plate on and off You're right. You need a mansion to you want to shan to lear to let the to go by really fast and let it go Bring, bring, bring, bring, you know make that little noise. Yeah, there's nothing you can really do You need space as a good like you know our friend Rachel lives in mass path, New York Yeah, that's a huge home. She thinks it's haunted. Interesting, interesting. And she said that the last person, she, she's a person she got the home from, she goes,

Starting point is 00:20:12 hey, we have this weird feeling in the person that I've been waiting for you to, why? And she thinks it's absolutely haunted because her brother died in like a DUI or something. Oh, well that never really. Yeah, that's not really. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:20:28 Her brother fucking, her brother hit a tree. Because he had one too many negronies that doesn't, a ghost doesn't really catch a cab to home. He's probably haunting a stretch of the BQE. And we're being honest. He's probably the ex-son. I should have called a newbie. I thought I was just a buzz.

Starting point is 00:20:53 I forgot about the pain pills I had taken earlier. And they really kicked in on the highway. I did a benefit once and it was, you ever just do a benefit? And you're just like, it's for a really good charity And you're like yeah fine, whatever. I didn't even look at the charity and I'm like five minutes in eating shit And I'm like why am I bombing so hard? I open with the joke about drinking on muscle relax And my worst joke usually works I get off stage and I was like what the hell was that and they're like he died of mixing alcohol

Starting point is 00:21:22 like he died of mixing alcohol in him. And I was like, ah. Oh my God. Oh my God. The absolute one joke you shouldn't have done. I opened with it. That's fucking, I couldn't bet it was bad. Yeah, of course not. They think you're taunting them.

Starting point is 00:21:37 But also, that feeling you get at least when you do a benefit when you're like, well at least it would didn't go great, but I did a benefit. I, yeah, I ruined their life. Yeah. I sucked. I felt horrible. You bombed and you reminded them of the tragedy

Starting point is 00:21:51 that they were there all trying to overcome with something positive. Well, they'll never be back. And we're all sad about it. Who's next in the line up? Arty Lang. Fuck, this is gonna be a long night. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:22:02 Let's hire Arty to do a benefit for nose reconstruction surgery. Uh, fuck. Uh, fuck. I think I was my opener in Buffalo. I mean, I was on Tinder here. All the women here look like Arty Lang. I'm not big.

Starting point is 00:22:19 They were like, it's true. Yeah. I'm trying to think, if I ever gotten slurped off in Buffalo, last time I don't think I did, right? We were in and out, weren't we, Elders? I don't think so. Let me check the fuck record. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:22:31 Yeah. That's not the good producer. Yeah. Elders has hilariously heard me get my digs sucked a couple times on this tour. Because my thinking was later like, look, I'm gonna get an Airbnb. I'm gonna go to bed early with the boys. I'm not gonna stay out trying to get pussy, cut to a couple times.

Starting point is 00:22:50 I'm like, all right, I'll just light off in your room. Act like you're not here. That's the worst. I remember he's the living a- And then dude, it's funny because it's like, I've recreated I think roommates.'s like I have this I'm like these women have some fantasy of like wow I'm fucking the the star and then it's like hey quiet my room he's trying to sleep

Starting point is 00:23:16 my buddy eldest in the other room could you do the air being be on the road yeah I sometimes I think sometimes I do as a single dude who's hooking up You are doing this to yourself. I know I used to have a roommate and we lived in a one bedroom in midtown It was like I just want to be in the city, but it was too expensive So I was like well, we'll just fucking build a wall. Yes, we put like a wall up I know about it the wall was we had a I had a wall over here. Yeah, and it was not it was not smart for one of us hooked up. You just heard the whole. It sucked. We had that going where we had a roommate. And he by the end he was so checked out. We won't say his name. You know him, but we we had a roommate in here. And by the end he was so fed up with just live, which,

Starting point is 00:23:59 you know, he's it's not the way human being lives, right? And shortly like a month before he moved out, you know, he used to like he would hook up at night everybody's sleeping or everyone's gone Whatever during the day duty just started Fucking out there like in the living room, but there's there's like walls and it would just be like 9 a.m In the morning elders and then what's funny is elders doesn't't give a fuck. Like normally it would be like, that'd be like a cold war where people are like, can you believe it? This motherfucker, this would be making a fucking omelette.

Starting point is 00:24:30 Watching Miami Vice. That was just, cause they used to play Miami Vice like 9 a.m. on Vice, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And eldest's little ritual was making omelette and watch Miami Vice before work. And our room is just in there. Oh my God, I don't know who this is-Vice with our work. And our room is just in there. Oh my God.

Starting point is 00:24:45 I don't even know who this is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's also not on me. That's on him. Because it's like, okay, man. You don't fucking come in area. 10.30, 11 p.m. I'll be respectful. You know, my fucking room.

Starting point is 00:24:57 But 9 a.m. I gotta go to work. I gotta get this breakfast off. You know, I don't want to think. I don't want fucking at the crack it's on. I don't think it's the one fucking that the crack is done. I don't think it's on anyone to be a fit to be honest. It's just, no, just humans aren't meant to live this way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We made it to once in this city and it's like,

Starting point is 00:25:13 it's exhausting. You're not supposed to, I've done the four in the two bedroom. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's, but you put the walls up and they're not even real walls. They're not. They're like, there's a little space for sunlight, but there's also, guess what, you can hear someone

Starting point is 00:25:26 get fingered through that space as well. And you can look, too. Yeah, I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders.

Starting point is 00:25:37 I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I'm on out of the shoulders. I remember I had one Craigslist Rando in Brooklyn and he was like he was so he had such anger problems

Starting point is 00:25:45 Oh my god, and it was hilarious just he had a girl He was dating and he was just like listen you fucking bitch. It'd be like seven a.m And I would I would wake up to him be like balls in your court bane balls in your court Jesus Christ Fucking on him But you're like I was like scared to Radlam because I was like the course of course. And then he would like hit pans, he'd be like angry, it's like seven a.m. dude.

Starting point is 00:26:08 I know. I mean, I've been that piece of shit anger problem room we all have. But like, but I know, I know how it goes where, what time in college, my friend was literally letting me use his printer and it wasn't printing and I was running late for like, I had to turn it in and I'm literally just like, fuck you, you're just, turn it in and I literally just like fuck you

Starting point is 00:26:26 he comes and he's like were you just hitting my printer I was like no just the printer is fucked up he heard me do it it's not printing and I was like no anyway I gotta go I gotta go to the library to print out my paper With irrefutable proof I'm a lit. He heard me go fuck you and I'm like you fucking shit Well, you've agreed bit in your new special. I'm giving away what we do like you do Well, you see that I'm losing it and it kind of revealed that you're the asshole Like not a lot of comics are like, I was wrong. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:27:08 You don't really see a lot of comics. We're like, here's the thing my girlfriend said that actually made sense. Right, and I have the problem. She's like, she's a crazy bitch, myself included. I do it too. But it's weird to hear people like, own up to their shit.

Starting point is 00:27:20 Oh, dude, I mean, I'm much better about it now. But like, yeah, I have anger problems were, so I mean, I'm much better about it now, but like yeah, I have anger problems were so I mean you catch that My you know my dad had a hilarious like over the top anger problem Yeah, and I think you just can't help it like pick that shit up You're like oh this is how a man deals with emotions like when you're a fucking baby You're like oh, okay. I see when you put holes through the fucking door. Yeah, it's like yeah When you have a minor disagreement with your wife, it's time to throw the VCR out the window.

Starting point is 00:27:48 Like that's what you're like, mm, okay. Like other people like, like those are my lessons. Like other kids watching like Barney. I'm watching my dad just fucking, gah, fucking, a couple VHS tapes straight from Greece. But it's, no, it's awful. And you realize we all do this for a reason like I mean You just like weren't heard or you watch something that you shouldn't and like I good parents and I still they still but every parent

Starting point is 00:28:12 Fucks up. Oh, yeah, I put my mom to the comedy seller recently huge mistake Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Yeah, I'm I gonna get a good crowd of course Of course I don't a drunk woman talking my entire set. I'm the left side of the room. My mom's in the right. My mom's older. Her hearing's not great. She doesn't hear a woman interrupting my,

Starting point is 00:28:31 and I'm in the middle of a long story. So I have to just kind of power through. I hate that. And I get to pay off. I hit it whatever I'm out. And then I'm like, you're gonna talk the whole show and the manager goes over to like, Shusher. And then I kind of zinger a few times, whatever.

Starting point is 00:28:44 I get off stage. The first thing my mom says to me is we're walking out. You're so mean. You're mean. I'm just like the manager Val hears it. She walks over and she's like, he handled it very well. It's actually what you have. And my mom's like, I just think you're mean.

Starting point is 00:28:56 It was rude Samuel. My mom is signing with a drunk heckler over her son. That revealing in some way. You're a liar, you're wrong. I remember I, I, I might even told this during the pod, but I got assaulted in fucking Vermont, a person who broke a pint glass. Yes, yes, yes. And remember when my mom heard about it, my uncle was like, there's no way he didn't provoke it.

Starting point is 00:29:21 There's no way. He was like, I really did. There's no way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the uncle you met my other. Oh, he's the Bob is cool Bob is shout out Uncle Rob. Yeah, that guy fucking rules. No, that was not one of my uncles. Yeah We got it in did we were drinking we were drinking bruski's in my Scoobies. We're long gone Rob dude We're getting fucked up there and DC, but I'm fine. I was rob a couple times I was a good dude. Yeah, we're close. He's very similar man. Yeah, he looks you look just like it We're getting fucked up there and DC but I find out with rob a couple times We're close. He's very similar man. Yeah, he looked you look just like him. Yeah, he's the man Shout out to Uncle Rob bring him to the yeah if he's around bring him to

Starting point is 00:29:58 Dude fuck I should have I should have gotten all Rob some tickets to the well-in-bolts I bet he would have come. Yeah, damn. I shouldn't have thought of that. That's all right next time Dude, that's so yeah, that is so far. Also, from what I know about your mom, it doesn't seem like just any comedy club is her environment anyway. No, no, no, no. You know what I mean? Yeah, your mom's like an artist, right?

Starting point is 00:30:14 Yeah. Yeah, your mom's like a Manhattan lady. Not a artist. It's not high society, but like high society. It's David Sardaris performing tonight. Oh yeah, your mom's a guy who personally loves humorists. Yeah. My mom wishes, it's not impressive that I fucking,

Starting point is 00:30:30 you know, Netflix special, not on that. She's like, do you think you get in shouts and murmurs in the New Yorker? That's the funniest peak of comedy. The funniest thing in the world to your mom is like a gay man rightly raising his eyebrow. Yeah. Not gonna work.

Starting point is 00:30:47 Yeah. That's so funny. So what I do want to hear. Go, sir. I was gonna say, of course, after she left and I was like, I go on at the village underground, it's like the hottest crowd ever. Of course. Yes. Of course it sounds gonna be this universe.

Starting point is 00:31:06 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is always like, I do think, my hypothesis on artists is like, you have one nurturing parent and one parent that you're always trying to prove it to on some level. You know what I mean? Like I do think there's a little bit of that.

Starting point is 00:31:22 But, you know, I was just curious, I wanna hear more about all these fucking bullshit roommate situations, because it is funny to think about, because like, yeah, because you grew up here. Yeah. So it's like most people have that experience of like, you moved to New York and you know, all right, well I know I'm gonna have

Starting point is 00:31:39 bullshit living situations. It's funny to go from like a nice apartment with your family, like growing up somewhere nice, and then having to be like, I've never thought about that. You have to slum it, and you just go like, you're young. You just expect it to slum a little. I guess, because you go from, you went from home to, you go to college, right? And so, and you're, oh, that's too lame, Sammy, right? Oh, yeah, you're in the room with one other dude. You're beds next to each other. You want Nal and I had the worst roommate there. the worst roommate. All right, let's do it. The

Starting point is 00:32:07 Samaril roommate saga starting in college. He did him. He was, so okay, he I could tell. What's the reason you went to Laney and it was something funny, right? It was like you couldn't get it. You just wanted to go to a party school or what was it? I think I was like, well, this is a good, it'll be good for me to leave. I was so new. Right, right. I was like, and of course I leave. I'm like, this is not good for me. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:30 Oh, it'll be good for me to leave. I get there. A small hurricane sitting in the school. It's called Hurricane Katrina. I don't think it's gonna be big. Oh, okay. I swear to God, that's what I said. This happened every August.

Starting point is 00:32:41 So just, we'll leave for like three days. So we drove to my family, drop me off, and you're like, we'll drop you off at school. And then they're like, well, I guess we have to evacuate, but it's like, you'll go back, and we'll drive to Texas, we'll be there for three days, and then you'll go back. I didn't go back.

Starting point is 00:32:57 I mean, I went back, but not that semester. That's so great. So your first semester, you think you have your shit in the dorm room or no? Yeah. Oh, no, no, not even. I had my bags, but like we, we took them. I mean, yeah. That's fucking crazy. And I have to, I'm sorry, you stay in Texas and then they're like, yeah, go ahead, go home. Yeah. Really? You were just like, well, we need to get their word. We're like, turn on the news. You're like, yeah, it's under what? Yeah. So that was bad. I mean, it was, it's under what? Yeah, it's not, so that was bad. Oh, it was, it's not, I mean, it was a terrible, I mean, you think of that time.

Starting point is 00:33:31 And so, and yes, of course, you're the biggest victim of Hurricane Katrina. Yeah, I got a white man from New York. It robbed you. It robbed you of your freshman, your first semester, freshman year. Yeah. So you got kind of like a gap fall. You're just fucking rounding New York. I did some classes at Columbia

Starting point is 00:33:49 because they just would take anyone anywhere. If you were at Tulane, like what you can just come here and do World Transit Credit to anywhere. God, you got to do it. They were like whatever. Okay, okay, I got to do it. So yeah, so I was,

Starting point is 00:33:59 and then I went back to Tulane and I was at the roommate who was, I could tell I was at the roommate who was, I could tell I was gonna like him. He was like a party guy, but like not that I'm a party guy I am. Right, right. He was like the bitch of the frat. He was a Russian.

Starting point is 00:34:18 And I wasn't, the frat just didn't really, they didn't really come after me. I was really like, I mean, I would drink for free at the mile, well, I could, but then of course, but the one that courted me was one called Deak and I was like, let me do some research and I'm like, shut down for a black face and a parade.

Starting point is 00:34:36 I'm gonna have to pass on Deak. Not even like leaked photographs at a private event. These guys are getting, they're like in the mirror. Do do do do do do do do do do do. I'm gonna look so good at the 4th of July parade. It was bad and then, and then, yeah, I had this guy, he would just get tortured. So the frat he rushed was called Pike and they were just dangerous.

Starting point is 00:35:01 They were like, you would tell bad kids. Yeah, yeah. They were, years later, kids I knew from this brat. I didn't know him well. I knew him like in past, like, they held on to you. I saw them on CNN, because they dumped boiling water on the kids. It was amazing.

Starting point is 00:35:16 Hopefully. You guys, you guys, you guys, you guys know the funny prank, where you give a kid third degree burns? Yeah. Where you treat a child like it it's, like it's siege warfare in the middle ages. Like he's a, like he's a Kosak trying to breach your walls. You pour boiling water on him.

Starting point is 00:35:34 They do softer shit in Guantanamo than New Orleans. That's insane. Yeah, the horrible. And then I had this kid who was like the bitch of that frappe when they just tortured him. him he would like come back covered in like crab oil The worst ringtone of all time it would just be that Sean Paul song remember we be burning One of my Do not do not shit talk Sean Paul in this house.

Starting point is 00:36:06 We be learning the shit culture and then nobody wanna say. Glue is one of the most romantic songs I've ever had in my life. I'm gonna, that's gonna be my first dance in my wedding. Yeah. It's like, yeah. No, yeah, but you know what I mean? But yet to hear that, that's a tough ringtone. That's a tough one to get, because they would just calm on night and be like, show up and

Starting point is 00:36:24 do shit for us. Pledge, my balls, my balls, here's a looking a little long pledge. I need you to trim them with your teeth. And it was all, yeah, yeah, it was all. Oh my gosh. Of course, these dudes always like, stand. They of course, when things start to go all day,

Starting point is 00:36:39 start hitting you up, like, yeah, things are going well, we should. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always, but, oh, you know what else he would do? He would, he would dip. He was a self. He would dip.

Starting point is 00:36:49 Freshman year though to dip. It's all early. Yeah, it's gross. That's an 18 year old, 19 year old dip in the South. I mean, that's true. He would dip. I guess I was smoking six at that age. Yes, I am.

Starting point is 00:36:59 But he would dip and it was like, he would dip. That's tough to find that water bottle. He would dip on it. And then what do you do? You're too lazy to go to the bathroom as a freshman, so you just take your bottles dip. Dip it in.

Starting point is 00:37:11 Put your, yeah, you're like, oh, just rinse with this, his dip. Oh, I would kill myself. I hate them. I would fuck it. Oh, I would, yeah, that's fucking wild. There was a bunch, there was a bunch like early stand up years too. Like, so you were only only there but you didn't stay in Tulane, right?

Starting point is 00:37:29 No, I end up going to NYU after how long one year or one semester or what? I think I guess it was two years and two years. Two years, okay, but how long were you in your Orleans? A year and a half. You're half nice dude, okay. Yeah, so you said that that motherfucker. What was the gnawed and snatched looking like for you? Did you get slurped off at Tulane? A little bit.

Starting point is 00:37:51 I was seeing a girl for a while who's fucking not, dude. I can, oh god, this girl's so crazy, dude. It's not good. She actually reached out recently. I want to read you the text because they're unhinged. They're legit. Like the recent ones are unhinged. Oh, yeah That's crazy. You know when you're young and you're dating someone and you don't realize and I don't want to sound like one of those dudes

Starting point is 00:38:12 Who's like she's crazy, but she really like it something is deeply off Yeah, yeah child of two psychiatrists, which is never I mean you're a little like a senator's kid. You're fun Yeah, you're just pastors kid like a priest kid forget about it We're just a kid around pastors You're literally fucked up, but she sent I got to read you some because she gave me a call And it was like one of those calls where this is somebody you dated when you were 20 Yeah, and they recently reached out. Yeah block number of course. I think it's David tell so I pick up Who's the only guy who calls me for a block number of course. I think it's David Tale. So I pick up. Oh, who's the only guy who calls me for a block number?

Starting point is 00:38:45 Yeah, so I'm expecting like my favorite comedian That's one of the worst yeah the different the fall off between expectations and reality I like smiling and then you're like what I would love would love to just have a silent image of the 10 seconds of your face realizing what's happening. Yeah, it was bad. And she was like one of those narcissists, what fuck with me? She's actually the reason I met my biological father

Starting point is 00:39:18 because she used to do those foes, psychological tactics of like we'd be arguing arguing and should be like, who are you really yelling at? Oh my. And I'd be like, I guess it's, I guess it's because I haven't met my biological father. And then I'd meet him and I'd be like, oh, I'm way worse off.

Starting point is 00:39:34 This guy's insane. Ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh my God. Who are you really yelling at? I was like, wow, you fucking. That's fucking it, believe it.

Starting point is 00:39:43 Yeah, she would do that and then Her parents were like you mad at me or you mad at your father for sucking off your roommate With crab boy for licking the crab boil off your roommates day I mean my biological father is like we be burned Hello the son I kept in my life How are you doing? I love you and cherish you and can't wait to go to the Yankee game with you later I'm so happy I got to focus on my fatherhood energy on just you Fucked up, too, so here's your social experiment. Yeah, yeah, it's both of us You know, yeah, but yeah, it's nature and nurture. It's both if your genes are fucked up and

Starting point is 00:40:27 up it's both. Yeah, so then yeah, I remember I so she contacts me and and I pick up the phone and she was like, it's me. That's all. It's me. As if like what's the last time you talked to her? Okay, so I think 10 years ago last time you had talked to her. Okay, so I think 10 years ago, she messaged me and I never responded. It was maybe, it was 12 years ago. Wow. It was 2011 and I remember only because,

Starting point is 00:40:53 we remember those like bracket style, March Madness competitions we did. Yes, of course. It was me, Sodor, Adam Newman and Nick Cobb, and we were in, it was in New York, Daily News at a piece on us. These are the four funniest in New York, like of not and the finals are at Caroline's you know. Oh Caroline's March Madness. Yeah we had to go head to head on stage I would call it

Starting point is 00:41:15 eight mile for Jews. So the starter interrupt Joe Perra had one of the funniest things I've ever seen on one of those, where he was like, it's about to get crazy over here, and then he just put, he had a Z, he had a magnetic Z, and he put the Z over the S and Caroline's. Wow. And it was like, and then I think it was Joe. I don't want to, I hope I didn't misattribute that to somebody else. That's hilarious. That's a great thing. But I think it was Joe Perra don't want to, I hope I didn't miss a tribute that to somebody else. That's hilarious.

Starting point is 00:41:45 But I think it was Joe Perry because, you know, Joe's not gonna, that's not his like, like just jokes out of, joke, joke, joke, that's, but he just figured out a way to be hilarious in that context and he just put, Carol Lines. What's tough ever for a guy like that? Cause Joe's so funny, but that's a good,

Starting point is 00:42:04 different energy. totally but uh Yeah, we we did that and I remember she messaged me because it was a Caroline since she was like Well me and my mom will be there and it's like we haven't talked since we broke up So you dated her in New Orleans or New York New York, but we were like long distance from I see I see I see and then I thought there's a girl from like you met at college No, you never see her. Oh, I see okay I see, I see. And then I thought this is a girl from like you met at college. No, you were seeing her. Oh, I see. Okay, it makes more sense. And then um, and then she's like, well, be there. And of course I didn't respond. I was like, I don't worry. Connect. You're not owed to reconnect with an ex. I don't wish you bad or anything. Yeah, but you're out of my life. It's also been a decade. I can say that point

Starting point is 00:42:43 it was probably like four years, five years? More, it was more probably. Yeah, I guess five years. And I just didn't respond. Then she was like, more messages, no response. And finally, well it's clear you don't want it to meet us there. And I guess we'll call Caroline's in bag for refund. And I was like, wow, this is, that's insane. This is weird.

Starting point is 00:43:01 You made this about you yourself. Yeah, exactly. Guilty for no fucking reason. So then she contacts me and was like, it's me and I was like, oh, who? So you're just telling me, that's the last, because in my head, you're telling me this story and I'm like, oh, Sam Dippton got his dick sucked

Starting point is 00:43:16 every three years. And that's why I know we did at that. But you did not sense. I didn't fall. I didn't fall. Because I, I can't say the same, but fuck, sure, I actually, look, I've done it other times in my life. Because I can't say the same, but fuck you. Sure, my exes. Look, I've done it other times in my life.

Starting point is 00:43:27 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But this time I was actually good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I obeyed the law of breakups. And so then she called, and is like, well, can you talk later, which is like, it's literally like if a fucking cockroach came from behind your fridge and was like, we'll reschedule.

Starting point is 00:43:45 Yeah. No, it's not, it's you. I don't wanna reconnect with you as well. So then she writes me, I mean, I can read some of them. They're fucking insane. I don't wanna, it might take a while. I don't wanna eat up your pod. You can fucking read, we'll dip in one.

Starting point is 00:43:58 Yeah, let's dip in, let's dip in. Cause it does get kinda saucy. That's crazy. We'll change your name for the Seagullus. Of course, change your name. Of course. We'll give you a kind of saucy. That's crazy. Well, change your name for the sigilis. Of course. Of course. But give us a call. But give us a call. Give us a call.

Starting point is 00:44:07 Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call.

Starting point is 00:44:15 Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call.

Starting point is 00:44:23 Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Give us a call. Again, let's say Melinda, can I call you back or something? Sepertex, please, Sepertex, Sam, it's Melinda, Sepertex. What time should I call? This is a person who dated in college. I would say about, yeah, like 16 years ago. And you're, yeah, that's insane. These are the recent ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:44:40 I haven't changed my number. That's my fault. Have you changed your number? I have because I was doxed, but it turned out to be a good thing because I got to like kind of reshuffle. I'm thinking about a fresh change, honestly. I'm thinking of thinking about it.

Starting point is 00:44:54 It's like a new life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does feel kind of nice. It's four different personalities at once. Okay, so it gets better. I haven't answered. I just have a very quick question. Trust me, please. I don't.

Starting point is 00:45:09 Trust me. It's like, it's just all crazy. I don't know you anymore. It gets better. It gets better. I just, I have a very quick question. I write, can you text it? And she writes, I'd rather not. Don't worry. It's nothing salacious. Like it all, I promise. I write back text is the only option. Really, I hate this is the only option. Respect. She writes back, Oive. Well, are you available for a few minutes right now, even as over text? I write back two min Macs.

Starting point is 00:45:40 Anymore, I will block you, I'm busy. Wow, who is back? She might block me, oh dear, okay that's such a strange thing to say to me but the reason I've reached out is because you know how you're performing at MSG on November 4th. I mean so yeah this can't this, we taped it right but like, yeah I know that I'm going on. I do know that I'm doing that. Yeah, I'd love to come. I sent you a message to. I do know that I'm doing that. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:46:05 I'd love to come. I sent you a message about it on social media, but I'm not sure if you got it. Anyway, point slash question is, would you be okay with that? With me coming to your show. It's like bitch, it's a 5,000 cth. Or buy a ticket.

Starting point is 00:46:17 I don't give a fuck. That's where it goes, but I say, I right back wouldn't make a difference to me. It's a pretty big venue. Because I think it's a pretty clear right She writes back that sounds kind of mean. I'm not sure why I just didn't want to win food In truth, you're in training right now. Yeah, it's a fucking big venue whatever it goes on for a while

Starting point is 00:46:39 I don't want to be the whole thing but I was like but I the next thing I did send her was to take it master link That's awesome. Which I like, let's fucking, but it's like holy shit. It's, it's a long fucking exchange. Just for somebody you haven't talked to, that's crazy. It's crazy. It's, and you're lucky you changed your number. I should have done it.

Starting point is 00:46:59 I should probably do it, but I'm fucking lazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is a little annoying to have to tell everyone, like, hey, you number, whatever, but whatever. It is annoying. You get to, you get to, you know, you don't get to have to talk to them. But what you want to talk to. The point with these scenarios is, is for me, as a comedian,

Starting point is 00:47:13 it is very hard to shut off situations that could be potentially bit. Well, like, this is why you're mentally ill, man. What I mean too far, but I mean, something close to me is like, this could end dangerously for me, but also I could get a new 7-8 minutes. I'm really weighing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, this woman could be holding me at knife point with period blood war paint on her cheek bones, but if I survive, that's a tight four and a half.

Starting point is 00:47:45 You can do a remake of Misery, but you James Conn. It's just like a die-hard Stavvy fan. Oh my God, that's, I don't wanna... Maybe the twist is that she's really hot instead of Kathy Bass. That would be, yeah, I'm the fat one. And it's so hot. Some hot woman who's mad I left, come town. That's a shit.

Starting point is 00:48:04 Recorded one more episode before. Some hot woman who's mad I left come town Recorded one more episode for please. We you owe it to me. You owe it to the fans Yeah, whatever you say just let me call my parent. Let me call the police and then we'll do it I'll do it. I promise look. I'm texting Adam right now I'm on the group chat. Hey boys, one more. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh.

Starting point is 00:48:29 Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh.

Starting point is 00:48:37 Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. Uh huh. When you move from text to emails, you're... Yeah. And the like, the sooner,

Starting point is 00:48:45 the longer you've been clean from fucking them, the easier it is, you know? Like, there's... It does a drug. It does feel nice when you're in a relationship, and you're like, oh, they have no power over me. Yeah. Like, these texts mean nothing to me.

Starting point is 00:48:58 I spit in these texts face. The second, the girl you're with, though, Domsi, you immediately respond. I mean, I guess I could meet for a drive. Hey, just saw this. Hey, my bad. Just been busy. Just saw this.

Starting point is 00:49:11 Yeah, I'm free. Yeah, I was free eight weeks ago, and I'm actually free in one hour. You're literally writing the text as your girl's breaking up with you. You're like, that's awful. Okay, let me just get this. No, you're right. Yeah, it's nobody's fault. No, it's just these things do kind of just happen

Starting point is 00:49:31 That feeling I'm at the age now with breakups were like as You know, we we've less time to order we're like more seasoned as a girl like ending it with me now I'm more just like all right. I'm time to make some noises next with me now I'm more just like all right time to make some noises next Yeah, who which one of my boys is single? It does yeah, it does feel like yeah, we've never really overlapped when we're not constantly on tour That would be fun, dude. I know believe me it would be maybe next year No, no because once they fall apart it apart, it'll just start going good for me.

Starting point is 00:50:06 That's how the world works. Man works. That's just always how it fucking works. Hit those fucking bars, man. I know. I do feel like, but I'm going on my, I'm getting into the zone. I think I'm going to be,

Starting point is 00:50:20 I'm going to have a couple of wholesome months in Baltimore. Just chill out. I train with your bro. I put you, like I said, oh yeah, but the thing I'm saying is I pushed the tour back to October next year's tour and I'm just gonna stay off the road for the whole beginning of the year. I've talked about taking time off

Starting point is 00:50:36 and I'm actually finally gonna do it. Good for you, yeah. And watch some other awesome thing will happen. And it'll be like, I guess, you know what I mean? I'll have to be. I was like, all right, I guess. More in-score say, see, it's like, you're perfect for my next project.

Starting point is 00:50:50 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or hopefully shit goes a little bad. Yeah. I wouldn't mind a little dip so that I could chill out. But I'm not taking time off. I'm going back to club show wow to hone this special, which I'm taping in March. Polarious.

Starting point is 00:51:04 Yeah. That's good. Wait, I'm sorry. You're doing clubs to do this special which I'm taping in March. hilarious. That's good. I mean, wait, I'm sorry. You're doing clubs to do this to get ready for the special? Just to get reps. How many fucking clubs dickhead? You don't need them any reps. The hours are already good. You need clubs to work the new hour.

Starting point is 00:51:18 Sometimes. I'm going to do both. I'm going to do new shit while I do it. All right. Sometimes you make me want to fucking. No, I'll write new shit while I'm doing that. So I can do it at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:51:31 I think the move is to just record. Record, but give yourself like six, like not maybe six, but five months between recording and releasing. So that that little gap is when you hit the fucking clubs. I can't wait that long. But a lot of it's like, I feel like I want to just get it out because it's been a while for me. But I also like, yeah, I'll use the clubs

Starting point is 00:51:55 to work on new shit, I'm sure. That's what I'm doing. I think I'm going, I'm doing it towards some point later in 2024, but I do think I'll probably do like, the other thing is I miss just living in New York and being here for long stretches, and like doing pop-up shows here. Just fucking work my shit out here.

Starting point is 00:52:13 And then also in Baltimore, right? We got a couple of clubs in Baltimore little clubs. I can work some shit out there, do McGubby's for old times sake, do you wanna rain them day? And then if I feel like it, I'll just do a club in a city I wanna visit and work on material. But I just don't, I need to take a little fucking job.

Starting point is 00:52:31 Those are the clubs I make. If I'm going back to those, they better fucking pay up. Oh yeah. Those are the ones that like overly, when I was starting out, was like, we'll give you nothing. Oh yeah. Oh I love the headline, we'll give you a lot of money. I love looking at some of those emails. And like wait, is this the most recent offer?

Starting point is 00:52:47 Or is it? Yeah, I'm sorry is this this time where you offered me $300 and no travel to headline a Sunday is this the one I should be doing or the one where I'm making a hysterical amount of money But whatever that's that's this business is like it's either there's not really a middle There really is no middle class. It is just like, you're fuck, unless you're in Austin and you just work Rogan's club. Who pays? Take a good care of you. Face people.

Starting point is 00:53:14 Have you seen the map? Yeah, yeah. I gotta go. Oh, it's awesome, dude. And looks cool. I think I am gonna go, eldest, here's something I was thinking about. The place, remember, because we are we doing Dallas, but maybe before Dallas, what if we rent that same house

Starting point is 00:53:29 and have a little retreat? Yeah. Because whether in Austin, January is actually nice. You could hit a pool in January. Which is the month where Ted Cruz runs to Mexico. Which is that month? Oh, true. Which, because there is a month that's weirdly bad.

Starting point is 00:53:44 I think it's March. Maybe it's March. Because there is a month that's weirdly bad. I think it's March. Maybe it's March. Because March is bad in San Diego too. Like that shit is horrible. Right. It's like place where the weather's awesome. Fucking love San Diego. March is usually dog shit from what I remember.

Starting point is 00:53:55 Because I was in San Diego in March last time thinking like, woo! Hit in the pool. Gonna be awesome. And it was dog shit. They call it like, uh, I don't know. Or maybe it's something gloom. What rhymes with gloom?

Starting point is 00:54:11 Gloom. Broom. Maybe it's June gloom. Was I there in June? Nah, June can't be bad. When, when we were... When were we, or were you even there? You weren't there, it was Ben.

Starting point is 00:54:24 It's me, Ben and the little guy, me Ben and Evan. Oh, you were in Vegas? No, they could, San Diego. Where'd you play in Vegas? That was February. February, okay. February was bad. February and March I think is the problem.

Starting point is 00:54:37 Vegas, dude, Vegas was before I popped, so it was like, it was wise guys still. Oh, nice. I had an offer for, anyway, we'll probably hit Vegas later on our one. Yeah. Yeah, whatever. Take your time now, this motherfucker.

Starting point is 00:54:50 Um, Vegas is, I do want to go back and just do a sick like, I'm, I'm there, I guess this comes out to some, I'm there December 2nd. So, okay, so back in time. Vitor hit me, Vitor. So today's the go, guys, I hope you enjoyed the show. But Vitor hits me up, he's like go guys. I hope you enjoyed the show. But Vitor hits me up.

Starting point is 00:55:06 He's like, let's wear suits. I'm like, all right. Fuck it. I'm like, I got a funny man. I was like, fuck it. No, totally dude. You want to go. You want to fuck it.

Starting point is 00:55:14 Get on your oceans 11 shit. You want to fucking, yeah. You should wear shit. If I do, next time I do Vegas, I'll probably come out and like some sequins shit. Like, come out sequins shit. You're making a gold suit. Like, yeah, if I get a goal soon, the fucking two pay. And then my shit, I have like a big ass pomped door.

Starting point is 00:55:30 And Vegas, come out. Locked be a lady tonight. Come out and start with a fucking show tune. A sobby Vegas special would be kind of cool. That would be cool, dude. Well, pom is Vegas, and unless you get like the locals, the crowds aren't great. The locals are good, it's just a fucking show. That's what I like about wise guys, would be cool to do. Bob is Vegas Crack unless you get like the locals the crowds aren't great.

Starting point is 00:55:45 The locals are good. It's just the fucking show. That's what I like about wise guys because those and you know what else I'll say about Vegas? That's why sometimes I kind of prefer mid week shows there. Because the weekend crowd is tourists but the fucking you go on a Tuesday or Wednesday it's people that work service industry in Vegas have a night off. And they're good.

Starting point is 00:56:04 Yeah it's just hard to go against. You go to Vegas, you're going against every single angel. Mind free. I'm like, yeah, why am I taking us to bed? They're like a Dell Taylor Swift. And I go, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, sure.

Starting point is 00:56:15 Yeah. In caratop, you're getting fucking crushed by caratop. The top, huh? The motherfucking carat, dude. Yeah, I don't want to talk shit on our beloved comedy seller, but I did see a TikTok about they were going through like the weirdest casino in Vegas. The Rio?

Starting point is 00:56:34 Yeah, they were like, this plays sucks. And then, and then like, now there's a comedy seller, which is pretty cool. That was the TikTok. And it dude, it's showing you like, the actual casino was, some of those casinos are so fucking broke like. The seller's cool there, but the actual casino was, some of those casinos are so fucking broke. The cellar's cool there, but the actual,

Starting point is 00:56:48 the casino, the Rio sucks. It's like fucking, like the room suck too. I remember I went there when they opened it. I was like, this was cool and maybe like the 70s. Yes, yes, and then they're like a vintage way. No, they didn't update it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's bad. No, I do, I am excited to,

Starting point is 00:57:06 we've been worse than a bad casino. Like there's nothing sadder and more soul sucking. I remember doing all those fucking rooms like Reno and like, oh man, with that suck your soul. Dude, think I mean, I just never, I do like gambling in a really shitty casino. Yeah, that's fun. It's cheaper.

Starting point is 00:57:22 You can play five dollar hands of Blackjack. I love that. You can play like $10 Blackjack and you're just that's fun. It's cheaper. You can play five dollar hands of Blackjack. I love that. You can play like $10 Blackjack and you're just there all night. That's it. That's fucking fun. You did it, Noah. It was fun as hell. Now we played 20.

Starting point is 00:57:32 Those cock suckers was $20. 20, you know how much? Maybe we lost so fast. We lost like each like $300 and like five minutes. I guess that was pretty fun. You were fucked up. Yeah. But it was fun.

Starting point is 00:57:44 I should have brought Ari in here. It would have been fun. Oh, the hard, serious hard dick savage. Hanks hard dick savage. F**k, I should have texted him. He probably would have called him a lot. Stop gas station. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:57:57 We found a good station. Oh, we talked about it. We talked about all the housework. Shit, I should have said. I wonder what if it texted with that bitch ass motherfucker now. It's been a year of Stavvy, baby, dude. Dude, a year of, a year of motherfucking. This put me in such a good fucking mood.

Starting point is 00:58:10 I was so irritable. I'm like, New York is getting a little like intense right now. Like people in the suit, I think it's the bike riding that's making me a little crazy. Like, we're just crossing the street in Manhattan. There's fucking, there's bikes just whizzing, but so the green lights no longer a green light. You gotta check. I know. You gotta, old people are so, I had a guy nearly hit me because he was on his phone today. That's fuck. And I go, what's

Starting point is 00:58:31 the fuck? And he goes, fuck you. And he keeps going. I was like, man, I got no anger. Yeah, he just owned you. And he wins his buy. Fuck you. I was like, I got owned by this fuck. You know, I am, I'm the guy saying, fuck you on the, because I'm on a city bike Fuck you! I got owned by this fucking stock. You know, I'm the guy saying, fuck you on the, because I'm on a city bike, too. I, I, oh dude, I city bike all the time. Not only that, but you know what, it must be so frustrating,

Starting point is 00:58:55 because I'm on an electric city bike. I'm going fast as shit. And imagine getting owned by a guy who's so fat, that there is no way he would should be riding a bike fast, but with the help of electricity he's sipping past you. People get so mad when I'm like, because I'm fucking whipping it dude, I'm getting, I love riding those fucking pounds.

Starting point is 00:59:13 You're like, that was during Dutton, Mario Kart, you're just fucking... Yes dude. And all the fucking mushroom. I fucking love that shit. Yeah. But we never, okay so we literally start talking about your one fucked up apartment, but I wanna hear about others. Yeah, let me, let me, let me give me a couple bad roommate

Starting point is 00:59:31 apart. Okay, so there's one in Brooklyn. Young, young Samuel. Yeah, there's one with John. Oh, dude, I can't even imagine you living in Brooklyn. That's hilarious. Yeah. Just the idea of you, like I can only think of you in Manhattan.

Starting point is 00:59:42 The second I could afford it, I moved. Yeah, yeah. But how many years did you live in Brooklyn? I don't remember honestly. Two max problems. I didn't stay with, I was dating a girl for a while, and I slept there a lot. But just because of spots, you're just like, what can I do?

Starting point is 01:00:00 How many spots do you have? Oh, dude, believe me, my college girlfriend, she went to grad school at GW in DC. And I feel so bad for this. She's just a great girl, but like, I just love stand-up so much that I was like, sick and apartment in DC to crash and do open mics. And she would be like,

Starting point is 01:00:19 she's like, she's having like a tough time at grad school and I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's nice. I gotta get to the Arlington Draft House to do three and a half minutes about your pussy. I'm such a piece of shit. Well, there was one of them, one of the apartments, John, it was this comic John Powerley and he was a nice guy, but he ran a show, I tell I knew him, he ran a show called, uh, Buns and Ponds that were low in SMA. It was a bad show. No actually the show was good.

Starting point is 01:00:48 I concept was bad. It was like, he was one of those dudes that fell ass backwards into a hot show. So funny when that would happen. Oh, the worst part of a show was like, the host. Yeah, well, which would happen in New York a good amount of time. But he also was the reason people,

Starting point is 01:01:02 like he would walk up to, he was my roommate and he would walk up to people on the street and be like, come to my show on Sunday and they'd be like, okay, he was that confident. Interesting. And people would show up. Comfitters are like autistic. Both.

Starting point is 01:01:15 It was definitely both. Because I think, yeah, it was both. Yeah. But that's good though. You can harness that energy. Oh dude, the lineups in these shows were insane. I mean, I'd be on them and it would be like, fucking, it would be like, Kuh-Mail.

Starting point is 01:01:27 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'd be like, Deroza. It'd be like, fuck, a lot of people who- Yeah, there was a golden age of bar shows with Hannibal. Dude, and maybe this is gonna come back, hopefully. But I don't know, but there was a time where the bar shows, if you could just get 30 people in a room, you could have the best comedians in the world do your fucking show. It was incredible

Starting point is 01:01:48 I mean and and that's what it was but the show itself It was called buns and puns if you would play 80s aerobics videos behind you when you're on stage and Then hand out homemade buns What the hell and then he would so the video was distracting his hell. It was coarse. And then he would hand out yellow shots, which was actually kind of cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:02:13 Like, you're getting a free shot. It was kind of like no one's mad at that. No one loves a yellow shot. He put a lot of work into the show. So even the shitty did that hurt the show. It was still a hot fuck show. I mean, I definitely did it. But anyway, we, you had, we were in this home

Starting point is 01:02:27 and he would just keep disappearing. So he would just keep, this was the one where it was like four of us in a two bedroom with walls and he would just keep disappearing and subletting this room to a random Australian view. I'm afraid I hate it. So I would just come home and be like, who are you?

Starting point is 01:02:41 He'd be like, oh, I'm in John's room. I'd be like, okay. Yeah, just a guy you don't know. Once he sublet it to a really hot chick I'm home, you know, who are you? He'd be like, oh, I'm in John's room. I'd be like, okay. Just a guy you don't know. Once he sublet it to a really hot chick, and I ended up hooking up with her. What? It all makes sense.

Starting point is 01:02:53 And he was like, he texted me, he was like, I got you this month. I'm like, I don't know what that means. I said, oh my Jesus Christ. Oh, man, dude. Pretty cool. And she was very cool as well. It's still weird to like hook up with your roommate.

Starting point is 01:03:04 But how long was she staying there? A few months he would disappear he would take like odd jobs in Asia He's like a family business. He didn't really pursue comedy hard. Yeah, yeah, but so funny He was weird what go work on a fucking fishing Taipei the fishue. Yeah. What do you mean, thing, jobs and Asia? You're doing weird shit. You're doing weird shit.

Starting point is 01:03:29 Yeah. Yeah, but that was the guy. He bring it every once in a while. There'd be like, there's a couple cool people that live there, but then it would be like a couple nightmares. And every once in a while, you'd be like, this dude, but then we'd get like a random cool dude. So that was a weird one just because it was like,

Starting point is 01:03:45 the walls were, and it's your home. It was a tough one because that also, like, there was no walls. I don't remember, it was like early 20s. No, yeah, something like that, really 20s. That's acceptable for that time of your life though. I was fine with that. I also was like so all-in on comedy,

Starting point is 01:03:59 that it was like, I don't mind, yeah. Also, I will say say hot subletting roommate is actually the perfect scenario. He looked out in that way. Because the problem, yes, because the thing is, you don't want to fuck your roommate because you're stuck with her. But like, there is that thing of like,

Starting point is 01:04:15 if it's a stranger who's hot, like there is a camaraderie to being roommates. And like, that is a really nice way to chip away at a hot woman and like have her like warm up to you in a very like easy Natural way. So you know Yeah, she was just cool as hell. She was one of those people that was like She didn't have a boyfriend So she was really cool

Starting point is 01:04:41 So this is a really good roommate. Yeah,, hey Sam, I didn't do the dishes, but let me get you ba-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a. I mean, basically, yeah, I was scrubbing a lot of dishes. I'm doing all the chores. There was another one that I hooked up with that was another John hook up, but yeah, yeah. But I was also like, I think I liked him more than she liked me. And she, and then, yeah, it was weird.

Starting point is 01:05:09 Yeah, it was a weird one. You were the clinging one. I was clinging. That's great. It's tough though, it's tough not to be clinging when she's like right there, like, are we gonna fuck her again? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We weren't the common area that survived.

Starting point is 01:05:18 We have to get drunk to fuck. I don't know the rules. I was trying to understand the rules of the house. Right, right. House rules, we have to be drunk to fuck. Anyone, it's funny, the reason those shows like the real world are so popular, because that's like so many people's actual life.

Starting point is 01:05:33 In their 20s, you should have a shitload of roommates and you're just maybe fucking some of them, of course. That's why friends is popular. Yeah, it's not the fucking writing. No. It's like, oh, we're roommates and we hook up. I wanna get this, yeah, yeah. That's why friends is popular. Yeah, it's not the fucking writing Room a to we hook up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't think I've ever I mean I haven't had that many roommates They've all been my male best friends for the most parts. I don't think I've had those two but like yeah I mean you met John before me

Starting point is 01:05:59 We've lived in a couple places that but that's not this different John different John's cool Yeah, I've met a couple of your roommates. They're cool bros, chill blokes. Yeah, I mean, we've talked about, we know our roommate situation. I don't want to have to talk. You never fucked a roommate or anything like that. I'll just write.

Starting point is 01:06:15 No, I only lived a, I only lived almost like one year. Other than that, I've only lived a year. Oh, right. And that disgusting bushwick apartment. Yeah, that's a thing. The older generation doesn't understand. They're like, you're living with a woman that you're not dating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:06:30 It's a hard thing to explain. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they're like, but women are for fucking. They're not for my dad as my cousin. Yeah. I don't know. They're not for cohabitating. I do think immigrants find it easier to wrap their hand around it because like we lived with a girl but she's like one of my best friends.

Starting point is 01:06:50 I met her, yeah. Yeah, she's awesome. Yeah, yeah. She's also now a member of Stabby Baby Enterprise. She's our logistics coordinator. Building a business. With the whole team, all my former roommates work for me now. Are you building something, man.

Starting point is 01:07:07 It's cool. No, it's awesome. But yeah, I just love, it's so funny. It's just hilarious in my head. I cannot fathom you getting off the train in Brooklyn and sleeping there. Yeah, it was a different, it was a different may. Do you think you would ever not live in Manhattan?

Starting point is 01:07:25 And people in your life. It's gonna be really hard for me because I just like the convenience of it. I mean, look who knows? Maybe it's some point of my life I had a family but I don't think I would ever leave city. Even that. Yeah, you wouldn't leave the city.

Starting point is 01:07:36 Yeah, maybe then you could see I could go to Brooklyn or something. Yeah, I just don't, I don't, I'm fine sacrificing space for just convenience. Yeah, I can't, you and the fucking suburbs is crazy. I would kill myself. Yeah. I would legitimately kill myself.

Starting point is 01:07:50 Even like what's Chester? Like I can't imagine that. The silence is noise to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That silence actually freaks me out. Whereas like the noise in New York is, unless it's the fucking current noise that I put. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:08:02 I would love this one. Oh my gosh. Oh, this is my fuckers head. They've been jackhammering his window for eight months, basically. I think 14. 14, oh my God. I'm losing my mind. And they're literally jackhammering it.

Starting point is 01:08:15 So my apartment's been vibrating. And the building management doesn't give a fuck. And I really, I write all these emails that are polite. And then the one time I write a ham and all caps They do a reply also love one thing some fucking crazy They know they got your ass. They got me. You saying it's why you said it's vibrating now. I hate it Here's what you do you stick you stick a fucking suction cup dildo on it and then put it up your ass Because they have to look at it. It's the windows right there

Starting point is 01:08:42 and then put it up your ass because they have to look at it. There's the windows right there. Oh my God. Oh, fuck. Oh, like this too. So they see your dick and balls. You're like, oh, this is awesome. Keep doing this.

Starting point is 01:08:55 That's your only way out, dude. Well, it's the other thing, it's craziest. Like, open my wake up before me and she just like opens the blinds everywhere. That's like her ritual. And I'm like, I'm a slow. I wake up at 8.30, but I takes me while to get going Yeah, and I just walk in to the room in my underwear I'm not oh wait, and I just see these dishes like staring at me. I'm like tight on these

Starting point is 01:09:16 And that's my every morning. Yeah, looking at me and I'm just like fuck dude So you're gonna have to take off for the team it makes me go up your ass Front ways and get on your back and fuck yourself with a vibrating dildo I go and make them look at you jackhammer. It's just me getting fucked in the ass. It goes viral I put my core day to the end. I'm like look. I got it. I got to move some tickets Just getting blasted. I just think about New York as like no matter what, people like I just did a big cat and P.F.T. show.

Starting point is 01:09:57 I know like you worried that like success is gonna ruin your comedy. I'm like I'm never not irritated. I guess you're a little more removed in a story. Yes, yes. But in the city, like I'm trying to fucking recruit you and I'm talking, no, it's great. Yeah. You should never down.

Starting point is 01:10:13 No, I do want to for a couple of years at least. I think I'll get you down there. No, I do want to. We'll have such a good, we'll go to next games. We'll fuck in. I think I'm gonna, I think I'm gonna try and like, start looking at places like early late winter early spring. I will look next year. Yeah, I'll meet you. I'm gonna do like I said I'm gonna do a little

Starting point is 01:10:30 Baltimore sabbatical in the winter. Yeah, and then I think I'm gonna at least if I can get a good place. I just want I'm okay spending a little money because I've been frugal for the entirety of my life. So if I splurge a little bit, splurge on a nice place. But anyway, we'll figure it out. Oh, there's, what do you say we do a couple of fucking questions? Me and Sammy got a fucking, we got to order some Greek food, we got to watch basketball. We got a full mic.

Starting point is 01:10:54 I'm so happy with this. I, I, I'm, it is like a weird relief to cancer cellar spots. I'm just fucking chill. Just chill bro. Chill, chill, watch hoops, get some fucking Greek food. Unless SD's listening, in which case I'm very sick suddenly. And Israel's never done anything wrong. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Now please don't listen to any other podcast I've ever done Yeah, hit us with some fucking his with some fucking questions big LD

Starting point is 01:11:40 Yeah Yo So I got right to the chase I Have been dating girl for about six months. It's been going fucking awesome. I love her. It's been really, really great. And pretty soon we're wanting to move in with each other. That's cute. Move in together. And it's great. There's one concern that I have and it's kind of a weird one and I don't know how to bring it up Because her and her family when I've gone over to their place

Starting point is 01:12:15 They've made a thing about not blushing Like toilet paper and like they have like white to shit. What they don't plus the white They like wrap it up and more toilet paper and then put it in the trash can and that fucking disgusting to me so And the first time that I said like oh this is kind of weird like kind of joking about it She seems weird it like she

Starting point is 01:12:45 seems weirded out that I thought it was weird like she thought that this shit was normal or I don't know it might be normal it might be like I don't know but I don't want to sit in my fucking trash. I've been thinking about maybe going to the day route or something like that. Really interesting. I really don't want to do much. Do you ever considered Tushy? Yes, that's right. We urge you to go the bidet route with Hello Tushy Bidets.

Starting point is 01:13:18 We love our Tushy Bidet here at Stobby's World. And look, we all have to deal with it. Our caller is dealing with it, right? Relaxing dumps, they're great collar is dealing with it, right? Relaxing dumps, they're great, but dealing with the aftermath? Not so much. Wiping only spreads poop around, my friend. Give yourself the ultimate clean and turn your bathroom into a personal oasis with the refreshing stream of clean water from a Hello Toshiba Day. We love them. We got him. You could, honestly, you could eat

Starting point is 01:13:46 off my ass pipe after I've taken one of the messiest dumps you've ever seen in your life. Listen, these boys, we got a couple thoroughbreds in the studio right now. Sam, Sam, he's a messy. I've seen the aftermath of some of his stuff disgusting, okay? Everyone in this studio takes fat dumps, and everyone in the studio has clean holes, despite being very fat, being fat and hairy and large. Having one of the loosest, most used up butts in all the land, just can't handle dairy, can't handle anything.

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Starting point is 01:14:42 Ha ha ha. Scroll down you fucking dumbass. Make your post dump experience even better with their precision nozzle adjuster. I got it targeted right in the hole. Sometimes I feel like I get it so directly it's coming out of my nose. And listen, even if by some, you're some kind of loser that doesn't enjoy this product, which you won't be, we love it. But let's say you are, I'll take the judgment off it. Every Hello Tushy Badeg comes with a 30 day hassle free return policy and a 12 month

Starting point is 01:15:17 warranty. So join the over one million real pooping humans who have made the switch. Do it right now folks. Hello Tushy is offering our listeners an exclusive limited time offer of 15% off your first bidet order plus free shipping. Go to hellotushy.com forward slash stabby for 15% off all the days. That's hellotushy.com and enter promo code STAVVY. Check out seaside for details. I don't know how to bring it up to her because it feels uncomfortable.

Starting point is 01:15:47 It's clearly, she thinks that this is normal. So just, you know, let me know. Stop, appreciate you, man. Love the pod. Also a low guest as well. And we got you in there. I mean, that's first up, how much time do you spend with her? Anyway, bye. Yeah. I mean, that's not like First up, how much time do you spend with her? Anyway, I bought it.

Starting point is 01:16:05 Yeah. I mean, that's not that big a problem, right? I know. Like, do you live with her family? And what she's doing there, because that is gross as fuck to me. I think that's what he's saying. Like, she's just a part of her life. She hasn't known anything else. Get a bidet. I mean, I have a bidet.

Starting point is 01:16:19 It's a TUSHIE, and I love it. You got a bidet is better anyway. Well, I will say this, right? I actually think I can provide a little context here, eldest, maybe you can too. In Europe, in Greece, people do not flush, the pipes are not good enough to flush toilet paper. In Greece, and in a lot of places in Europe,

Starting point is 01:16:43 you're not supposed to flush toilet paper, you're supposed to put it in a bag and throw it out. That's just a way of life, that's just reality. And in fact, when I was growing up, we had kind of shitty pipes, and because my parents were both from Greece, we did that growing up. Now, I could never go back, it's fucking disgusting.

Starting point is 01:17:03 Like in my personal life. But I don't know if this girl like foreign, that's a possibility. But either way, you gotta be like, hey, unless we have a fucking, unless we have like plumbing issues, can you please just flush the tape? I think the bidet will solve this.

Starting point is 01:17:22 I think you just get her on the, it feels good. Definitely get a bidet. Definitely get a bidet. Definitely get a Tushy bidet. You need promo code stuff. Or just any bidet. No, no, no. Again, edit every time Sam says anything

Starting point is 01:17:35 that's not a fuse of praise of the Tushy. I honestly don't get why it's not more common. Like you go to like an airport bathroom and you take your shit. Sometimes you have you like this toilet paper is like paper thin Just pan and Korea public bathrooms have a fucking bidet. It's it's just credible. It's just more It's more clean. Yeah, definitely get a bidet this shit is weird She cannot that's just fucking insane for it to behave this way But get the bidet and then look if it really is an issue be like,

Starting point is 01:18:07 Hey, I would appreciate it if you just flush the toilet paper. Yeah, I find it. At least in my place, you just be like, look, it's my place. You could at least say that. I think it's fucking gross. But that is fucking gross. If you're doing it like as a choice, that's crazy. Now, wipes, you're not supposed to flush wipes.

Starting point is 01:18:22 There's flushable wipes. You're not even, that's really? You're not supposed to do that. That fucks your pipe up. Pipes up bad. Well, I'm fucking up every hotel I go to. I always sit on the road. Hotels, they can suck my dick.

Starting point is 01:18:32 You don't do that. I like to trim my pubes at the hotels. Oh, that's smart. Sprinkle those pubes over there, toilet ball. People ask you to for a house. Keep an eye on messing up my bowl. Yeah, no, that's a great point. Even just shaving in general, it's annoying to get to get your shit in your...

Starting point is 01:18:47 I'm on the road tomorrow, baby. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And next question, Eldus. Hey, Saby, hey Eldus. Hey, guys, whatever beautiful degenerate you happen to be today. I've got a real quick one for you. So I've been working with this company for four to five months now. It's been going great. In this past weekend, we had our company anniversary party. And I have this co-worker who we get along great. We work well together. The lab runs super efficiently whenever working

Starting point is 01:19:28 together so definitely not a relationship on looking damage she is just so the straight narrowed up my taste like to that line uh... however she brought her sister to the company party and he and her sister headed off uh... you know we're ripping the key shots crushing plate to rich she's in red like a walk around sack which is a good old midwestern boy that really gets something for me. It looks like she wanted to go to the bars with us after, but my coworker went ahead and took them home and had somewhere to be in the morning or something doubt. But anyway, I'm just wondering if the don't shit where you keep rule applies to family members of coworkers,

Starting point is 01:20:02 or if it's okay to ask your first sister's number. I definitely don't want to damage the relationship at work and yeah that's pretty much it. Love the show. If you could do this on a free episode that'd be greatly appreciated if it ends up working out. I'll definitely top five at the Patreon and call that with an update. I appreciate you love the show. All right. All right. You lucked out. This will be this is our big anniversary show. So you do this does happen to be free. This is interesting. I think you're in the clear here This is not a shit where you eat scenario and before even asking for the number I would like if you're cooler. I would feel it out. I would be like your sister

Starting point is 01:20:36 It's one hot piece of ass I'm paraphrased Your sister was great. Yeah be like, oh, your sister was so fun. And then does she take her temperature? Is she like, oh, she loved you. She, you know, she could, or you could also tell though, is she kind of weird and cold about it? It's like, oh yeah.

Starting point is 01:20:57 He does say this coworker, he's like, she's on the straight and narrow. So she sounds like kind of like a work like fucking type A. Yeah, yes, yeah, sure. Proud employer, something like that. But at the same time, feeling around is, I think that's step one. But when did he call in Elders?

Starting point is 01:21:16 Okay, yeah, by the time this fucking guy gets this answer, it'll be, he'll fuck it up with his sister. Yeah, he'll pull this cock out into office. He'll pull this cock out into office office. He'll pull this cock out at the office. He'll figure a sister would like this. You know we're better than me. I don't want to be a gentleman. I don't want to send her a dick picture.

Starting point is 01:21:37 She's not going to like. It is. I've been in that scenario where like someone you work the sister. There's like a vibe and you're like, I think it's okay. I think as long as it's not, it's okay, but you're on thin ice. You're on thin ice.

Starting point is 01:21:51 You just have to tread carefully, but I think you're in the clear here. I think this is like, and if you vibe, if you felt the vibe and you're ripping shots and you're having, it's clearly fun. Yeah, well, I would also ask our friend here, this, you are okay, but it can still be neg.

Starting point is 01:22:10 It can still fuck things up, not quite as bad as if you were dating her, but it could fuck up your relationship with your coworker. That is a possibility. It is still a risk. Maybe. If it goes really bad, as long as you don't treat her horribly.

Starting point is 01:22:23 Sure, but I'm just saying, that's at least on the table. Like he's saying he doesn't want to fuck up the relationship with the coworker, right? So keep in mind, you are in the clear, you're, this is like an 80-20, you're fine versus it could be bad versus when you fuck your actual coworker. It's almost like 65, 35. You're gonna fuck it up.

Starting point is 01:22:45 Of course, it's gonna be good. Maybe more. Yeah, it's probably 90, 10 if you're being honest. But, so just keep that in mind. Also ask yourself, was she actually into me? I would say just be sure, take your coworker's temperature. But also, do you have any friends that all other friends that work at the office that were at the party? Because like, there have been times, we've all been guilty of being like, whoa, that girl

Starting point is 01:23:12 was fucking into me, and then you talked to your friends, they're like, she was not in it. She was diked out. She was like that with everybody. I saw her sucking off Mark or whatever. Bill and Mark had her, you know, in their acura after the thing. She really, she's just a cool girl. Yeah, all those girls like that,

Starting point is 01:23:29 with their like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're just like, I'm fucking funny. Yeah. Then you're talking to a homeless guy outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, exactly. No, it's a tough one, but it seems like he's really a one.

Starting point is 01:23:47 I'm just saying, do your due diligence here. But also, you've won the risk with this, with the sister is kinda like, I guess the sister's your only lifeline here, but sometimes the sister's kinda like, maybe she's, I don't wanna make it weird. Right, that's what I'm saying. I think if you had asked the sister for the number,

Starting point is 01:24:05 like part of my instinct almost says, like leave the coworker out of it other than a temperature check. And then if she's like, oh, she loved you, then you can follow up. But if she's not immediately like, yeah, like super seems like she'd be on board, I almost feel like you have to figure this out yourself.

Starting point is 01:24:26 Wait for some pictures from that night to come out. That's a good idea. And you know what I mean? But find a way, if you're vibing that night, it's always better if you find a way to get the number. Even if in a professional way, we were like, oh, have you seen this? I'll send it to you.

Starting point is 01:24:39 I'll send you the thing, you know? But he has no, there's no professional way. Like he has the coworker's number. But he needs the sister's number. You know what I mean? But if you're drinking, there's a way, like he has the co-workers number. But he needs the sister's number. You know what I mean? But if you're drinking, there's a way, I think, to get it. If you're ripping shots, you're talking to him. It's over, this is in the past.

Starting point is 01:24:52 No, I'm saying in the future, in this type of scenario, you gotta find a way to get the number night off, I think. Absolutely, absolutely. You gotta find a way to be like, you know, if you're ripping shots, that's an environment where you can ask for a number. I think so. So, yeah, I you're ripping shots, that's an environment where you can ask for a number. I think so.

Starting point is 01:25:05 So, yeah, I guess talking through it, what do you think about asking the coworker for the number? That feels a little dicey to me. I think that's pretty weird, I mean. Yeah. Well, he really needs to ask himself is like, how does my coworker feel about me?

Starting point is 01:25:22 And don't like delude yourself. Yeah. And might just some annoying asshole to her that she has to work with every day. And you know, is she friendly to me? Or is she just nice because it's work or something? And let that be your guide, but I also think like, you know, get her involved as little as possible.

Starting point is 01:25:41 Yeah, I think you're fine if you, hooking up with a coworker's sister is fine. I think maybe if you really want to be a bro, if you go on a date with her sister, be like, hey, I just want to let you know, I took out whatever, I had a nice time, but yeah, I would say, you don't really, you don't want to put your coworker

Starting point is 01:26:02 in the position of like being your wingman in any way. You know what I mean? You don't wanna put her in the middle of it. But I think you feel out. You feel, you say something subtle, like what I would give to Teddy fuck your sister. Yeah, something gays his temperature, you know? Yes, yes, yes, absolutely.

Starting point is 01:26:19 You're like, you know, you're like, check out these thumbs, wouldn't they look cool in your sister's ass? Yeah, you play thumb war with her. You're like, yeah, these thumbs are pretty strong. They, you know, they'd be cool flicking your sister's clip. You see how hard I'm working today? It worked. That's how hard I eat pussy. And not to you, by the way, that's, I'm a man. You're a sister. I want to fuck your, I respect you. I'm a man your sister. I want to fuck your I respect you your sister. I want to treat like a fucking I want to treat her cut mouth national as my personal play toys I just I just think like I think of like I've hated the majority of my coworkers

Starting point is 01:26:59 And I was just like recoil and discuss if I saw If I saw my sister like having a blast and like taking shots with like, that's a good point. But they seem like they get along though. They do seem like they get, at least according to him, they seem like they've been very good, strictly professional relationship.

Starting point is 01:27:17 I mean, you get like party with your, I mean, you know, I don't hate all my past coworkers, but it's like, you get party with them, company party, whatever, but it's like, you know, I do not want to intertwine my life with any of these people like beyond this. True, true, true. That is the problem. Now, I've only worked in two regular offices in my life. And the one that I worked in was a shit show, you know, law office, where, you know, people were like, literally there was like a guy,

Starting point is 01:27:48 like, girl, women would show this one manager their tits to get like, like, shifts off, and like, people were getting blown in the parking lot. So it's like, but that was a very, that was a very low, like in that scenario, I would have no problem literally going up to a coworker and be like, God damn, your sister's tits are awesome. You think I could fuck her?

Starting point is 01:28:11 So that's my frame of reference, right? So, but I do, there are some places where that's acceptable. From every, he said lab and he said, it sounds very professional. This seems a little too professional. I think you're okay trying to fuck the sister, but you gotta feel the coworker out without, you know, the some subtle things

Starting point is 01:28:32 that we've discussed already. And then if you get even any hint of backlash, you cannot involve the sister at all, the coworker at all, and you have to then go your own way to try and fuck the sister. It's going to be tough though if she kind of doesn't give you the in and then you go the DM route.

Starting point is 01:28:50 That's a good point. In fact, you're going to have to... That's why you need to bypass her altogether and just go straight to that. You got to do your own research. I guess you know what? I think you're right. Find the daughter's page. Find the daughter's page.

Starting point is 01:29:02 Look for her sister tags. Yeah, the feel out is actually you're right. That's kind of a Riggum wrong. Yeah, I think you're right because your bait if the feel out goes well You're golden if it goes poorly then you are real and you still try and fuck the sister That's kind of jeopardizing your relationship with the coworker if you try to bypass the coworker You always you always have like no matter how bad it ends you can be like hey We're just two consenting adults. I don't need to ask you for permission to say it.

Starting point is 01:29:29 But the more we're talking about this, this actually does feel, he where he fucked up was not getting the number that, the number that not. Because if you had seized the moment in a place where everyone's there, where everyone's having a good time, you're fine. Now you're gonna have, actually now that we really talk this through, you kind of have

Starting point is 01:29:48 to wait for another organic situation, another office party, or here's where you could be sneaky, try and put together like a little company happy hour, and like it'd be like, hey, we had fun with your sister, invite your sister. You should bring her back. Exactly. That's kind of a very safe feelout process. Because if she, if she, that's barely a feelout, and maybe she brings her, you know what I mean? You never know.

Starting point is 01:30:11 But, yeah, I think you're actually, it's actually, I'm back to being this, this is a huge, this is a huge gamble. Yeah, the DM lurking also just feels a little too, like, little thirsty. 24 years old or something. It's like, well, you didn't know back when you were that young is like, Hey, if it's meant to be and you'll fuck this girl one day, like, you will run into her at another party. Yeah, you're gonna, buddy. Yeah. Here's the thing. You are shitting where you're risking shitting where you're eating unless this happens

Starting point is 01:30:39 organically. I think because I've been in this situation and I've always gotten the number the night of or just gotten straight up shut down. So I mean, I think you I've been in the situation and I've always gotten the number the night of or just gotten straight up shut down. So I mean, I think you just gotta fucking take this as maybe a lesson. I would personally probably just go through the sister still if you have a good relationship, but I think take this as a lesson, you gotta get the fucking number.

Starting point is 01:30:59 Yeah, and the hard thing is, yeah, you gotta get the number, and the hard thing is we just really don't know because we don't know what your coworkers are like. But from all the hints, it doesn't sound like she's the type that would put you on to get slurped by her sister. Well, maybe if you say like, man, she's really,

Starting point is 01:31:15 I think you can't, you do have to say something like, man, I love to take her to dinner. You gotta put like, she's cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd love to be cleaning her content you said of my mustache in the morning That's option B. I think I think you have option I'd love to ring out my chin hairs of her pussy juice

Starting point is 01:31:33 I love to use a sham wow on my fucking sofa after I make that whore squirt all over the eye over my Ikea All right next question, Eldis. Hey, Sadi, big fan. So something kind of strange. I'm a grown man with a child, she's seven. And I have found myself since the advent of self-checkout, I've been stealing a lot. I've never really stolen in the past that's grown up, I'm a totally grown adult. But ever since then, I feel like the stores have been kind of showing us that they would rather upsteal than pay workers. That's kind of the point to self-checkout.

Starting point is 01:32:20 So that's kind of following up. I think that's of the corporate machine. I've been doing it more and more and more and more. And now every time I go to the grocery store, I'm stuffing stuff in the bottom of my bags and not paying for them. Did you think this is normal? Should I stop and start paying, or should I kind of say fuck them in? Hey man, thanks so much. I love you. Love the guys.

Starting point is 01:32:48 Good bye guys. Yeah. Who gives a fuck man? Keep stealing. I guess it depends on the grocery store, but if you're stealing from Whole Foods, it's Amazon. They're not really hurting. They're stealing.

Starting point is 01:32:59 They're stealing. They're stealing. Don't get caught, but keep stealing. Yeah. Pretty easy one. Next question, Elis. It was Chris Steedys. That's the fuck. Steal the fuck out of them. Yeah, pretty easy one. Next question, Elvis. It was Chris Steady's, that's the fuck. Steel, the fuck outta there, shit.

Starting point is 01:33:11 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't steal from mom and pop, but yeah, steal from big chains who gives a fuck. Yeah, and listen, steal some for your baby girl while you're at it. You say you got a seven year old daughter, get her a little fucking candy or some shit, and then you're a good guy. COVID really, I mean, those clips of people

Starting point is 01:33:27 in like Target with they're just like, yeah, just, I mean, I'm just, I'm just, I'm just stealing. Oh, I steal all the things. They're like just like waving goodbye. I'm like, wow, this is fucking, yeah. I'll steal a little sum if it's too overpriced. Look, Biden, Biden Flation has ravaged America. This is our way back until we get Trump in the White House. Keep stealing. Keep looting.

Starting point is 01:33:49 Rebutta were in a Republican way. Hey, stuff. I'm calling in with therapist and if I should make a move. So I couldn't be your wife not to do anything. I also asked my friends to make a move. hysterical is guy called in an ask if we should try and fuck his therapist. I'm not gonna lie it would probably if I'd have really hot therapist. It's that kind of a turn on. They know a lot about you.

Starting point is 01:34:22 You're so stupid. I mean it is kind of hot. Yeah, it's hot. It's hot the way like, yeah, the way like people jack off the incest porn. It's like a fantasy. It's like a, but it's funny. Dindelfini wanted to fuck Dr. Melfy.

Starting point is 01:34:35 That's true. That's true. James Gandalfini, the real guy, did want to fuck Dr. Melfy. It's not the same as incest either. Come on. No, no, it's not the same as incest. But I'm saying, it's hot as a fantasy. It's my point. It's like hot the as incess either, come on. No, no, it's not the same as incess. But I'm saying, it's hot as a fantasy, it's my point.

Starting point is 01:34:47 It's like hot the way, like being like, you know, getting, but there is something weird and unethical about. It's unethical. It's, but you know. I mean, if they fuck you, they're not a good therapist. Yeah, that's the thing. That's not. But it's like, if you're committed to therapy,

Starting point is 01:35:00 you shouldn't try and fuck your therapist. Your therapist is right, you. So why do you think you're doing this right now? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I can't really I have to skip that on the rewild. It's a tough one It does feel I know what the points are trying to make but she could have just gotten mugged It was done like really fucked up shit the guy that season rates. I mean, I also had the the stripper episode There was a couple really tough ones, but that one I at least Understand where that one's really reminding you like there are Understand where that one's really reminding you like These are fucking pieces of these are subhuman pieces of garbage and we're having a good time laughing along with them and everything but at the end of the day These are evil pure evil beings and Ralph is funny. So you do have to be reminded that he's the one of the worst

Starting point is 01:35:59 Yeah, yeah, all right keep going Aldi So I took your advice not to do anything. I also asked my friend if I should make a move. And she told me it's surprising that I continue to get more and more retarded as I get older. So I took that as a don't do it, you fucking moron type of advice from her and you. And I guess what I'm calling in now for advice is I kind of have this addiction to milk and I have trouble getting hard for girls my age And I just don't get hard and every single time I've had sex with an older girl or what an older woman I get really really turned on by it. So I guess I want to settle down with the girl my eight

Starting point is 01:36:42 I'm gonna be twenty nine soon. So basically what I'm asking you How do I get over this milk addiction? Well, sorry, why are you fighting nature? Your cock use your cock as a guiding light your cock should be your north star here unless you're a pedophile Follow your cock as long as it consenting. Follow your cock where it leads you. That's what will make you the most happy. You know what you like. And we really are, this is the perfect episode.

Starting point is 01:37:11 Sammy loves, Sammy's the old school Milfhunter over here. Thank you. Maybe, no, maybe cut that part with my girlfriend. Oh yeah. Yeah. You can do that. No, I do, I just, I appreciate the women usually. I just think they've got their ship figured out too,

Starting point is 01:37:27 which is kind of hot. It's also amazing that this guy has, you know, he goes to therapy, but he has, it's amazing to be responsible enough to go to therapy, but then be like, I should fuck my therapist. Yeah. It's just too easy.

Starting point is 01:37:41 That is a funny, like little needle to thread there. Yeah, I mean, I also get it. You want to do what society tells you to do. But see, here's my issue with this, right? If he happened, like, guys marry younger all the time. Someone marries somebody 10 years younger, right? And look, I'm looking at, I'm kinda reading my own, I'm kinda reading my own charts here.

Starting point is 01:38:10 I'll probably end up, I don't see myself, but time again, Mary, I don't see myself, you know, marrying somebody older than me. Just looking at my record, I've, we really are hilariously like different where it's like, I've dated, I've tended to date much younger. And like, I would date younger, it's like I've dated I've tended to date much younger And and like I would day younger. It's just they've got their shit For sure, but I'm just saying like like nobody or I mean like

Starting point is 01:38:41 Sure some age gap discourse has started where it's like it's problematic when men date young women But it's like nobody really gives a fuck if you, if a guy marries a girl 10 years younger than him, no one cares. Why, why is it a big deal of this guy marries somebody older than him? I don't fucking get it. I watch what you tell himself. I think that's what I'm saying is I'm saying, dude, let go of your fucking hangups. Like, there's nothing wrong with that. You like what you like. There's plenty of, you know, like if you find somebody. So maybe it is a phase, and maybe you'll get over it naturally, or maybe this is just what you like. Right, like you're calling it an addiction, but you're, like this thing, no man would ever call in

Starting point is 01:39:13 and be like, I'm addicted to fucking 20 year olds, or like I'm addicted to fucking 23 year olds. Oh, no, the cabbie doesn't have your number. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Leo, if you want a chat, I'm always available. But that's what I'm saying is like, no guy would ever be like, oh, all the girls I fuck are eight years younger than me.

Starting point is 01:39:31 Why are you like, no one would be like, I have to beat that. Those people have the type. I mean, most people it's like, you see, I feel so happy. And you're like, wow, that guy kind of looks like your last boyfriend. Right, right.

Starting point is 01:39:41 I mean, people have a type, you know, some people say it's a fetish, but it's like, well but maybe that's your type. Yeah, and that's what I'm saying is like, a woman who happens to be a little older than you, I guess I want to, that's not a fetish, it doesn't qualify to me as a fetish, because it's so normal when a guy dates somebody younger than him, that you shouldn't want to beat this. This isn't something to beat. Not like beat trying to fuck your therapist, not happening to want to fuck, you know, you're 29.

Starting point is 01:40:10 Oh, you want to fuck a 36 year old woman. You want to fuck a 37 year old woman. That's not a fucking, that's not a fucking problem, bro. I say you fucking, I say you take it. One of the first therapists is a male. That's probably what it is. Like I had a little woman therapist. I could see like, oh my god, that would be, again,

Starting point is 01:40:27 I would jack off to that. Yeah. And I would even maybe, In the session. Yeah. And I would maybe even ask a woman I'm dating to put on to dress like Dr. Melfi and pretend I'm fucking my therapist.

Starting point is 01:40:39 I got to hear this blazer in this wig and get glasses. Do I have to? So yeah, dude, I don't think there's something to beat personally. I think this is something to continue. Embrace your, embrace your, make your happy. Embrace your, unless you don't, it doesn't make you happy. Also, I mean, just, yeah, do what feels good

Starting point is 01:40:59 until it doesn't feel good or if it feels good, date an order one, maybe it's a shit. Yeah, and I would say, I would say, there's been plenty of times when I'm about to have sex with a girl, I just don't feel good. If it feels good, date an older woman, and maybe you'll, yeah. And I would say, I would say, there's been plenty of times when I'm about to have sex with a girl, I just don't get hard. And every single time I have sex with an older girl and an older woman, I get really, really turned on by it. I've been fucking a bunch of dudes,

Starting point is 01:41:14 and my dick doesn't work. God, that's not fucking women. I was like, I get really hard. And you haven't dragged it to women. It's crazy. Just do, yeah, just keep going. Like, my advice would be the opposite of this to you. Try dating somebody who turns you on

Starting point is 01:41:29 and then just see how it goes. You're not that fun, I mean, you're young, you're not that old, you got years ahead of you. I would say you owe it to yourself to see if a relationship with somebody that you are super attracted to works out. I don't think this is an issue, Mazel Tauf trying to get your digs sucked

Starting point is 01:41:47 by a woman older than you. You give good advice, Stavie. I just think, and you know, I just, it just, I'm literally, and I would, I'm literally, I would give the same advice if you weren't here. No, but it's, this is, you, like you've,

Starting point is 01:42:00 I've definitely, I've definitely done my, you know, I've been with some older women and, yeah, it's, eh, they're fucking hot. If you keep it tight and hold it, it's like extra hot, I think. Oh absolutely. That's the person who's taking care of themselves. Yeah, and you know, you know,

Starting point is 01:42:15 like, you can kind of like see the future. As opposed to like, you just date a hot younger girl, you're like, who knows what the fuck's gonna happen to this bitch? It's a good point. 10 years, you know what i mean uh... alright

Starting point is 01:42:28 here's with another one big held hi i just moved in with my boyfriend uh... we've been dating for two years he's in front of three years he about about around when i met him about three years ago had an operation on his ankle involved a screw being put in and now his body is rejecting the screw and it's poking out of his skin like some like Dr. Kavorkinus shit and yeah that's the guy who

Starting point is 01:43:01 helped me with those. That's just a doctor she's heard of. That's definitely not some Dr. Phil's. Yeah. Okay, Dr. Melfysh. Yeah. Okay. The little rejecting is it's constantly using like yellow past.

Starting point is 01:43:19 You limp in, you have to go on all fours to get up the stairs. She's turned into a cat. She's a 40 year old man on all fours to get up the stairs. You've turned into a cat. He's a 40 year old man on all fours going up the stairs because you can't put them in a lock. And he refuses to get to the doctor. Why? Because he's a friend. And I've had some as a girlfriend.

Starting point is 01:43:36 And now as a live-in girlfriend. Damn, but you moved in the other day. I'm afraid of the ambulance. Call the ambulance and force his body into it. I'm 5'3 and he's 6'2". I don't know if I'm a little. I'm not. I into it, I'm 5'3 and he's 6'2". I don't know if that's enough. Do it if I have to, but I wanted to ask if there is any advice from my staff or eldest or the guest

Starting point is 01:43:54 about just feeling like a stubborn ass man that is ready to lose his foot, like literally have his foot amputated, as opposed to just going to the God damn motherfucker doctor. So if you have any advice as to how I can make this happen or if I should just start banging an amputee instead. This is crazy. I'm much appreciated. Thank you. I love you. The only reason I can even think of is that he does them health insurance. That's the only thing. Yeah, maybe, but even that is so huge. Even so, you really could. I would eat the money to make sure I have a fucking phone.

Starting point is 01:44:32 You can't walk? She's coming out of your fucking egg. The thing is coming out of your ankle. It's constantly infected. It's oozing pus. I had a fucking hang nail here that was fucking infected. I wanted to kill myself. Like, I can't oozing pus. I had that fucking hang nail here. That was fucking infected I wanted to kill myself like I can't even imagine that you can't get upstairs Young me probably would have avoided it at all costs, but not this level 40 years old bro I yeah, he's 40 and his fucking ankles fucked up like yeah, again when I was young

Starting point is 01:44:58 Yeah, I avoided Dr. Constantly. Yeah, um, but I said at this age, you're right. You got a fucking go That this how to make him go is a crazy thing. It would suck to, this is a thing that sucks to learn about a person once you live with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You really should get this level of stubbornness out of the way. You're like, I think it's fully, but living with them. Well, it sounds like she moved in with him, like before, or this was an issue,

Starting point is 01:45:28 even before she moved in with him, or at least it maybe it was about to be said, I've asked him as a girlfriend, I've asked him as a live-in girlfriend. Either way, I mean, it's tough, because you can't be like, you can't be like, damn, bitch, you should have fucking made him do this,

Starting point is 01:45:41 or you should have been like, either go to the doctor or I'm not moving in or something, but he won't go. That's crazy to me. That would, I mean, I don't wanna tell you to live your life, but this would maybe be reason for me to leave someone. Okay, this is telling about other shit. Yeah, I know.

Starting point is 01:45:56 I hate that. I hate having that reaction too, but it's like this is, you're in deal breaker territory. Yeah. You really are. Yeah. He's not awful. You really are. Yeah. He's not awful. You know how fucking soft my dick would be if I was

Starting point is 01:46:08 dating a woman who just walked on her floors like she's in the fucking exercises or something? Like, I know. I'm sorry, it's gross. Women are hilarious what they'll put up with. Yeah. This is crazy. This guy's actually like a fucking baby.

Starting point is 01:46:21 Doesn't want to go to the doctor. I feel like she's in the right to be like, let's get in the car or Uber or whatever and go to the ER right now. And if you don't, I'm going to call the ambulance. It's not like he's gonna run away or anything. Yeah, yeah. But what if he refuses?

Starting point is 01:46:36 What if he's just like, that level of crazy? It's not that work, I mean. I mean, he's not like, I guess he can't strap him down. Yeah. You know what I mean? He's not incapacitated.'t strap him down. Yeah. You know what I mean? He's not incapacitated.

Starting point is 01:46:46 Yeah. She could, you could knock him out. You could dose him with drugs. Call the ambulance and be like, my boyfriend has such, his foot is so infected, it's knocked his brain unconscious. Please check him out. That's, that's something. That's true.

Starting point is 01:47:04 But the fact that we're even going here is a sign that you should probably leave. Yeah, that's be real. This dude's got problems. Yeah, I mean, you've asked him this many times and you want us to figure it out. He's got a fucking screw coming out of his fucking ankle. Plus?

Starting point is 01:47:18 She's so frustrated too. You could just tell, like, she was wording it, like she was making the call and he was sitting right next to her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, buddy. If you're listening, you're a fucking idiot in a piece of shit. Go to the doctor. And then the doctor will fucking her well if he's on one let. What is he?

Starting point is 01:47:34 Outch, outch, outch. Yeah, he's hopping. He's gonna get a bogeostick. When you get in there. He's like, I get so fuck. Yeah, he's figured that out. He's like, no, I get so fuck. Yeah, he's figured that out. He's like, no, I get so fuck. Yeah, he's figured that out.

Starting point is 01:47:48 He's like, no, I get so fuck. Yeah, he's figured that out. All right, get on top, poor. He's just laying on his back. Yeah, I mean, this is crazy. This guy says. It's like scary. I know.

Starting point is 01:47:58 No, this is literally like imagine your significant other. There's something clearly wrong with them and they won't go to the doctor. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you've moved in with him. I don't know what to tell you, but I don't know. Does he have, does he have, okay, let's actually try and give you something tangible here. Does he have friends, family? Like, is there somebody you can recruit?

Starting point is 01:48:20 Famous. Almost intervention level of like, hey, I don't know if you guys know how bad his fucking foot is, but I'm really scared he won't go to the doctor. Can you guys please? And annoying mom would be big here. annoying mom would be really big. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:35 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 01:48:43 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's like friends or family or just kind of intervention styles the closest thing I can come up with to a semi-practical solution other than this man is out of his mind and you have to give him an ultimatum. Like you're gonna fucking leave him if he doesn't

Starting point is 01:48:59 do this shit, but yeah, good luck to it. So I don't know what to tell you. We'd love to keep talking forever folks, but we have some luck to it. I don't know what to tell you. We'd love to keep talking forever folks, but we have some basketball to watch. Like some hoots. You know, let's do one more. Maybe we can do the classic move of ordering seamless while we're on the podcast.

Starting point is 01:49:18 Let me take a quick piss. Take a piss. You want some Greek food, buddy? One more to sign us off. Hey, stop. Super producer, Eldis, and the steam to get us. I'm a 31-year-old guy with a wife and a four-year-old kid. Nice. I was wondering, is it weird to jack off to completion into a sock for a little bit more context? Sometimes, you know, the socks that I wore that day.

Starting point is 01:49:46 Sometimes it's a fresh sock out of the drawer. Every time I end up in the laundry with everyone else's dirty clothes. Yeah, let me know. Thanks. I feel like that's like what you do in like high school. No, this is like a bullshit. This is on digging the fine, man. So then you're what you were were your wife and just slurred. So I was, first of all, you reacted to the fresh sock. The one you wore that day is fucking gross to me.

Starting point is 01:50:13 I guess, but you don't want a waste of fresh sock or with jizz. But also, I don't want a fucking sweaty on my foot all day sock wrapped around my car. Oh, you don't want that as a comrag? Also, I don't know, just be a fucking, go green, shoot a load in your fucking hand and wash it in the sink. Thank you. We know this has had many discussions. I usually shoot a load into the sink.

Starting point is 01:50:36 Sinto the sink, or is that? Yeah, I just will like, you know, jack up in the sink. Interesting. I will probably, it's in my hand, and then I probably use like a napkin or something personally. Or like a, you know. But in the hand is easy, Terry. Just as long as you're not too back,

Starting point is 01:50:53 that's what I think. Well, this is a belly guy. He comes on his own belly. I'm too hairy for that. Isn't that true? For special occasions, you know. How does he hairy though? He's very hairy.

Starting point is 01:51:03 Oh yeah. But isn't that a whole situation when you get that dry hair? Isn't that awful? No, I'm pretty like vigilant with the clean-night. So I like headed with a clean-night straight after. And I'll do that, I'll do that. I'll do that. I'll do that if it's like, you know, if I'm like,

Starting point is 01:51:21 I'll like stripped down naked and fucking, I'll just say, I'm about to shower. One of these showers. Shower is a good, it makes sense. That's a special occasion, but it's like, okay, I need to take a shower, rent a minute. Okay, I'm treating myself. Feeding off on my belly,

Starting point is 01:51:36 kind of like jumps start the whole shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is like, Jorian showers. You do, you do, you do. I see that. See, I'm up on the belly, is it? It's a wild move, man. Yeah, I've done it.

Starting point is 01:51:50 Usually it's with a woman and she's doing it. Like, she done it to me. Right, right. It's not like, yes. Yes, coming on your own belly, it's crazy. It's just to be clean up. It's like, you know, it's the same reason I don't take out eight dishes when I'm cooking it home.

Starting point is 01:52:04 Like, you know, it's like reason I don't take out a dishes when I'm cooking it home. You know, it's like, I don't wanna fucking, I'm just talking to myself. The truth ain't worth it. It's a squeeze. Yeah. Now is it weird, yes. You've grown this, my friend.

Starting point is 01:52:17 You have a wife, you have a child. Start being on. I don't know if it's working off in a his socks. Yeah. Although they make your dick look awesome Baby suck on your dick You're the list got a little stripe. You're like whoa dude my dick is so big These are in your head. You're like these are adult-sized tube socks. Not a baby's tube socks

Starting point is 01:52:47 Yeah, dude, yeah, you're crazy. This is crazy. You're making your I mean unless you okay unless you do the laundry Then keep jacking off and whatever socks. I still think it's a weird move. I like I buy socks I really like I wouldn't want to I like these are fucking these are fun These are like I want to jack off on I like I like socks that fit well Mm-hmm also you just know that every time you put a sock on, Giz has been here. It's like, look, have I, have I, in a pinch, cleaned my hands with a sock? When I thought I had clean next next to me,

Starting point is 01:53:16 and I did it, it's after. Sure, but I don't like knowing that every single sock in my, it's kind of like the kids in the whole ass penny sketch. Where it's like, I don't know that. You don't know that sketch, it's so funny. The guy's basically like a power move is to put pennies up your ass because then any of like your enemies or anybody that you're like negotiating against like a business guy

Starting point is 01:53:37 has probably handled your ass pennies. Like it's a very fun, I basically ruined it but it's a good, I would still watch it's a good sketch. That's the thing, I wouldn't like knowing that the majority of my socks have had gizz in them. Even if it's my own gizz, I just don't wanna know that. So yes, we have ruled officially, it is weird to jack off the completion of your socks all the time. Just get some Kleenex going, keep a Kleenex applied.

Starting point is 01:54:03 Get some Kleenex. It's the Kleenex applying on the tournament. Get some Kleenex. It's the same as a sock really when you think about it and easier to just throw a Kami Kleenex away. Great point, eldest. If I was going to come out of your socks. Yeah, let's clean up. Yes. Mara folks, well, that's going to do it.

Starting point is 01:54:19 Watch tomorrow. Watch the special on Netflix, fat rascal. Go see Sam Live, you know, he's gonna be a thing I'm in Tampa and Fort Myers this weekend and then I'm going back to clubs for a while. Back in the clubs. Springfield, Madison, Philly. Springfield.

Starting point is 01:54:36 All over, yeah, but. It's fucking guy. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Go see it. Gania Beach fucking. That's a good club. Dania Beach actually good. That's a good club. I like Dania Beach. I like Dania Beach. I like Dania Beach.

Starting point is 01:54:52 Okay, see I'm fucking, I'm only in good dreams. Go lean up to the special and Boston, which should be sold out by now. It's the world. All right. The Wilbur, so that's going to be fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's definitely sold out. I'm pumped. This comes out.

Starting point is 01:55:03 Yeah. It's going to be awesome. Go watch Sammy. Go watch the special. We love you. Thank you for one year of Stavis World, the podcast. We haven't really talked about it, but I'm blown away by how much you guys have supported it. We succeeded beyond mind and know this is wildest dream. So thank you.

Starting point is 01:55:18 Tell your friends, let's grow. We're actually gonna work harder on the podcast. This, we just kind of fucked around this year. We will actually try a little, not a lot. I don't wanna promise anything crazy. We're not gonna try that much harder. But just a little bit, we're gonna make it a little bit better. We're gonna work a little bit harder.

Starting point is 01:55:36 It's work, man. You're doing work. Thank you, buddy. Thank you. Thanks for listening, guys. Happy one year. Here's to, I don't know, seven more max. Hopefully my career goes good enough

Starting point is 01:55:47 for I don't have the podcast until I'm an old man. But thank you, we love you and we'll talk to you soon. Bye bye. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included

Starting point is 01:56:40 a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb. wherever you get podcasts. I'm joined each episode of Jack Hackett as my fellow co-host, Kelly Blackheart and Forest Shores, quizzes about topics we're probably clueless about. We get to spout off about what we know about the topic sometimes, a lot sometimes a little, before Kelly, Forest, and an expert will come and set us straight and enlighten us all. From squid's design, to serial killers and beyond, we hit it all here on I don't know about that,

Starting point is 01:57:44 because let's be honest, there's a lot of things that I don't know about. Check out our Miss Adventures every week and I don't know about that and all things comedy podcasts available wherever you get all your podcast platforms. I don't know about that where ignorance isn't just bliss, it's content. As bliss, its content.

Stavvy's World - #53 - Sam Morril

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