Stavvy's World - #54 - Dan Soder

Episode Date: December 11, 2023

Dan Soder returns to the pod to celebrate one year of Stavvy's World and catch up with his pal Stav. Dan discusses writing a letter to Jimmy Buffett, not being able to smell with his beautiful nose, his old Italian landlord, and much more. Dan and Stav help callers including a man who gets secretly drunk behind his wife's back, and a former caller whose best friend drunkenly trashed his AirBNB wedding house in the most disgusting, off-putting way imaginable. Visit https://thefreezepipe.com/ to enjoy their biggest sale of the year on pipes, bubblers, bongs, joint chillers and more. Plus if you see something you like that’s not on sale use code STAVVY for 10% off your entire order. Learn to speak a new language with Babbel! Visit https://www.babbel.com/stavvy to get 55% off your subscription. See Dan Soder live!! https://www.dansoder.com/ Listen to Dan Soder's new podcast SODER: https://www.youtube.com/ @DanSoder  Follow Dan Soder on social media: https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ https://twitter.com/DanSoder https://www.facebook.com/dan.soder/ Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Up! Welcome everyone to Stavis World. We have a six-show soda, the king is here. This is one of the best episodes we've done all year. Great to have Danny Soats back in the mix. And I want to thank everyone who's already watched the special. It's out on Netflix right now, Fat Rascal. Watch it again.

Put it on repeat. Let it run over and over again on low volume, okay? We're trying to rack those numbers up, baby. Please keep watching it. We work very hard on it. Thank you, everybody already has. Dream come true to have a special out on Netflix. It's so sick.

Please do that. And then look, if you're looking for some, if you're looking for some frickin' Christmas presents, okay? The Stavvy shops got you. We got Ronnie shirts, we got calendars, two beautiful pieces of merchandise you're gonna love. They make a nice stocking stuffer. You're gonna love them.

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Stavvy, slash Stavvy. Spelt b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash Stavvy, rules and restrictions may apply. But go right now, learning your language. Learning your language, buy a shirt, buy a calendar a calendar watch the special we got it covered now. Let's start the show Let's get Danny in here. What do you say? Welcome everybody to stop his road 904 800 stop Call in we'll solve all your problems Can you believe it's been a year, Eldis? We just had our anniversary.

Same was our first guest. We did, that was the year anniversary. This is our first official, into the new year, and we're coming through with big, Danny Soads. Season two of StarVee's World Cup. We'll start calling seasons on podcasts. That's when I knew I was lost.

Yeah. I don't know that everyone did seasons. No, dude, we need it, yeah, we fucked up. Sweet, sweet, we got em. Yeah. We should have come in with like blonde hair. Totally different. I should have been an ono-zampic.

Yeah. I'm thinking about getting zamped up, you know, just coming back. Yeah, do like Mac from all of a sudden. Yes. Just come back. Mac and then add. Yeah.

No, there's gonna be a hilarious, we really should do that. Everyone's the magic. And then add credit. Yeah. No, there's going to be a hilarious, uh, we really should do that. If everyone's getting said, I want to, I want to wait to have the ozemp conversation with our good pal Henry, H. Foley, because you know Foley's zemped up these days. Is he? Oh, yeah. Is it dropping? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

He's dropping away. He is. That's great. Um, I, I think that's public knowledge. I don't think I said any trade secrets. No, there should be a, Now, there should be a... there should be a... there should be a... There should be a... ...Olympic fund. Yeah. We're skinny, successful comics, give money for their friends that are coming up on a bigger...

Well, I want the olympic, like the leaderboard. I want the olympic. You have to say who's on it first of all, and then how much weight you lost? I think we're just starting to get into a thing where skinny comics are betting on bigger But me on the bed did put on the it's the opposite of a double Life full yeah, dude. I want to get I want to get stamped up and then what I want to do is I want you know how to make You all the loose skin afterwards. Yeah, I want to make a football out of my loose skin I want you know how to make you all the loose skin afterwards. Yeah, I want to make a football out of my loose skin

The pig skin Why don't we do more fun stuff with all the loose fat skin? Dude go for myain, make a lampshade out of it. Or how about we make a little like a dead mini me like a stuffed mini-stop roast. Reach out to a taxidermist. Yes. And see what they can put together. Yeah, because you can make a little chimney stop right? Yeah, because he's in a suit, most of it. You just need- You're not to eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You got to put him like, yeah. Don't do it. Or you save him, the holidays are coming up. He's your elf on the shelf. Just a terrifying, like- You made out of your skin? Be a little vagabond. Be so shiny and weird.

Don't get big eyes. Just put it into his creak. What's the animal with the cutest eyes? It'd be so shiny and weird What's the animal with the cutest eyes I've seen some dogs with cute eyes He can't go human eyes You could do fake human oh like glass eyes glass eye Yeah, yeah, we're making wallet like glass eyes, take a glass eye or get a glass eye. Oh my god. Yep. We're making wallet. Wallet.

Just something you can do so you can see. I'm telling you. Now, what's it? Wallet's good because you could probably dye it and people couldn't get what now. Oh, you just put out a hunk of flash. You wouldn't have to be like blue or something. That is $41.

What's something that would not, that you would, because okay, if we did a football, we would have to dye the skin and dimple it. And only after you've been playing catch for like 20 minutes, you tell people, by the way. That would be an instant throw it for a guy. By the way, that's my ass, those were my ass cheeks. Yeah, you know what's funny, you know what,

you're touching right now, side of my hip. See where the laces are. See where that hair laces. That's actually my hair. Oh my God. The hair is the toughest part. We have to get rid of it. Because I don't know about you.

One of my least favorite things in the world is when you get a piece of chicken from the grocery store and you get the little feathers on it. That, I'm like, I don't want to be reminded. I know I'm killing an animal, but I like a package. I like somebody else doing it for me. I don't want to see a feather. So I wouldn't want to see a hair on my pig skin of my own,

on my football of my own skin. You find like a picture of the chicken's kid that I kept on it. Yeah, yeah. The chicken's full of photos. Yeah yeah yeah yeah they just got to laser background the world they just life touch just started using laser background it really fucks me up should I think you should put it in a cake mm just just have it okay you don't even have to mold it or anything. Like fondant?

Like use my skin. It's like the- Not over an actual cake. Not over an actual cake. Just keep it in one of those. So you could show it to people and be like, Oh, keep it in a cake like the glass thing, the glass, the cake contain.

Yeah, so you can go, we, look at that. And it's just like tummy. And it's just a shape, it's just a piece of skin. You can slap it. Every time you don't have a snack. But, oh god. Ooh, you know what you could do? Make a condom out of your own skin.

Ah. She used to. Feels like skin. I mean, really skin on skin. Why are we using fat people's skin for condoms? We make lamb skin condoms. Yeah, she's like, why don't some bitch from like five five my 500 pound life or 600 pound life

Give me her neck. Let me nut into her neck Let me take my skin sock off you Use the skin condoms Smells like pork rinds, you take it out. I'm gonna dry it in the back throat. I'm gonna wash it and dry it. It's like it's a little clammy keeping it in my pocket. We're coming up with some great applications for a few people.

You mean, look, Shark Tank right now. Yeah, for us. Hey, Sharks. What if it was a condom made of your own skin? Yeah. What else can you made of your own skin? Yeah. What else can you make with your own skin? It's great. You could make, now I guess, yeah, skin condom's good.

Look, that's even something for lesbians. We, you know. Like a dental dam. Well, what I'm saying is you put a dental dam, oh, a dental dam of fat person skin, that's, and now what the interesting thing we have to discuss is, here's what we have to discuss. What's the curing process like?

Because it can't be fresh. You're right, we don't need rotting, he wins skin. I'm just sitting over here a fan of industry. Yeah. My question is, what if we take, what if we reform murderers and serial killers yes and they do the caring because they're used to dealing with sure sure sure sure she's saying let's make it up let's get yes we don't

we don't want they don't need to be stamp in license plate for 25 cents an hour we pay him a living wage we pay him a living wage sorry I let one rip you might catch it in a second buddy Right that all I thought you had like a little a whisper of it What that thing that's a beautiful nose. Oh, thank you nose like that not to smell that's a travesty dude for pointed up That not to smell that's a travesty dude for pointed up What happened smoke cigarettes my whole life that's it and then I think

It's like a process to get back like interesting That's that's short little nose dude nothing dude damn you might you could rip around me. That's great to know you see me You see me out of these streets Fall that's great to know because I had a tough one last night. I was, I just, and I didn't even anything crazy. I just had a couple tacos, right? But I think the meat must have not been so good. I think I had mildly tainted meat. I had, because it was like, it felt like food poisoning

but I never had to throw up. You know when you just wake up and you're just, you're taking a shit, you're in pain. And you're so hot. Yes. You're like sweaty, a sweaty, nudy poo. You do nude. At a certain point, I'm just, I get on all fours.

Start making noises that are more moans. And not a sensual pleasure. Begging, begging for release from God. Dude, I had one, I worked. I was laying on the, like, putting, you're so hot, you put your fat stomach in my case on the cold, porcelain floor for, you don't have to be fat in a hot and dry well, that's,

I hope it made this noise. Ssss. And then, aww. I had, oh, um, about a year ago, I was in Spokane, Washington, and got there there early. And I was like, oh, well, I'm in. I like brought my switch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. Dude, I'll get high play video games. Get stuff done tomorrow. And I ordered like a French dip sandwich

in a Caesar salad. Okay. Do you die ate that? And I woke up like that? Oh no. And I was like, oh, and I went, I usually, most of the time you'll have that situation, go back to bed, you'll wake up and you'll be fine.

Fine, yeah. I went to bed. I woke up, had that, took a dump, was like this feels weird. Yeah. Went back to sleep, woke up, violently threw up, violently shit for 24 hours. Oh, fuck, do you have a Thursday show or that? I can't, I had a cancel. Wow.

I had to cancel. I couldn't get out of bed. Oh my god. Had COVID, like I ordered a door dash or whatever. Yeah. Didn't have COVID, but the greatest our agent sent me a magic mic. Magic Mike. Magic Mike. Magic Mike. Send me a catering.

Yes. It's the best. He's the man. He's the man. I've never had him. Like a week, a week destroyed. Like just a little gerbil on the on the water Strong like feels yeah, no feels like you're a baby bird whose mother is plugging shoveling life. I'm not

Dude light blue Gatorade like lose the way to go. Light blue's the way to go. Yeah. Picture free is the way to go. Yeah. Oh my god. I loved it. But that was a tough one. But you can fart.

You can let it go. Thanks, man. Honestly, I let it rip. I feel so much better already. But yeah, I'm sorry. I don't know. We're talking about making human skin out of stuff. Your sharp nose not smelling.

Oh yeah. It must come. You put that sharp little nose right in a butthole. Seems like. Nothing. Your sharp nose not smelling. Oh yeah, it must come, you know, you put that sharp little nose right in a butthole, it seems like. Nothing, I can walk on the, dude. I'm a day walker. Yeah. I can go anywhere.

You can really eat, ask from, you can eat really, you can put it from behind. I'm just, yeah, dude. I'm just stinky, I'm a stinky version of Aquaman. I can just go. Yep. If I wasn't a comic, I would probably, like if I worked for like the morgue.

Yes. Like, were you going there? Yeah, I got. Yeah, who cares? You know how the guy and it's like that old trope where the guy puts the sandwich on the body. Mm-hmm. To show how non-plust he is about it.

Yeah. I could do that. That's crazy. And I'd be like that. Well, there's still a touching. Yeah, that's crazy. that's not really the best the fans never mind you can do it yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah they should write that scene in once just don't go yeah yeah yucky why don't I do that I'm sorry

yeah yeah I just look cool for a yeah we got the high-tech that we flew in from the big city to solve this case with an Italian last name telling last name and our our over our misogynistic chief doesn't think she can do it But he has to take he has to take his cues from her. She's the boss lady She's one of the more kids. Yeah, she's got teaching. She's running the investigation. Yeah, right. Let's write a show called tits Tactical information tits. And it's tactical, informational, and like kind of like Charlie's Angels, but they just get sent around the nation working for small-time cops, just misogynistic chutes who don't understand. I love it.

And yeah, she's got a- We're basically writing a cinemax show. It sounds awesome. They peg the guy every time. They peg the guy. And then, yeah, they just fuck other, you know, I would say maybe the cop comes in maybe she fucks a fat podcast or so I'm just spitballing here. Maybe in every episode you folks It's me in a different like it's being different like like you know Marvel makeup or whatever

Yeah, look like a different guy. Oh look. It's Thor this week. I didn't realize with your success I mean before you ozempick it you really are getting to look like a cinemax producer. It's awesome, dude. You look awesome. Someone pitches you a detective movie. No, that's true, and I do want to lose weight because we're getting kind of, we're pushing it to the limit recently. Are you guys lining?

Are you guys lining? I'm feeling fatter than ever, brother. Yeah, man. I'm going to get super skinny. I'm not going to get, you know, just skinny enough to make a football out of my loose skin and then we're gonna keep it regular But if you drop that much, that's true. What if I need the fat? I need the bulb ponytail. I'm still fat I can't I think we got you know, but you better do with it. Yeah, well never here's the thing

I'm never getting skinny. I'm getting like not you don't super get jacked I think I get big ass arms, but I gotta keep a little belly man. I can't let go of the belly. Come on dude. I need this shit dude. I don't need those asses. I can't have abs dude.

That would be fucked up. I wanna get strong. I wanna get big, but you know whatever. We're on the precipice of everyone's, I know in the comments, oh he's been trying to get jacked for eight years he's been saying it since come down i know but we are we are and we should also say actually uh... because this is uh...

uh... with my special came out last week loved it you know the fat rascal go watch it folks on that flicks right now uh... and me and out me and our boy else is here the tours over we're not announcing another tour we're announcing a tour in the spring but it's not gonna be for a while so we're taking some fucking time off and I'm gonna get in there I'm gonna start you know with the you're gonna get the stuff up maybe I'll just maybe you know what I have to do maybe I just have to get like extensions.

Cause it's close. I mean, look, look. It's not bad. Don't get the hair check. Get the space wig like I got. Look. Oh, you're ponytail ready. The ponytail, shake out the tail. Pretty good, but go get it.

No, I don't want to see, cause the thing is, you're just like great by the way. But the thing is, here's my plan, Dan. And by the, I did my plug. I also wanna say, Dan's got a fucking podcast. I've probably been on it by now. Yeah, it's December. Yeah, he's done that episode.

We don't have that one, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're in the future, but you know how this podcast works. Guys, Niners are killing it. Yeah, the Ravens, the Ravens. It's definitely not the by-week, and I'm not upset about the three games, kid. That was in the past. Yeah, definitely not the by-week. I'm not upset about the three games kid That was in the past. Yeah, yeah, Lamar's a front runner for MVP. We all know that Christmas is you chase young

He's been the best trade best condition. No third round. I know best condition Three new bits. Yeah, I don't know where they came from Yeah, so good, But they're you. But yes, the pot. Do we have a name? Soda. Soda. I love it.

Don't overthink it, folks. Every people who want, first of all, I'm never, I don't want to give people the false expectation that I'm suggesting starting a podcast if you're not already very funny. Do you know I'm so. Right? But you should. Don't get me wrong. I'll get me wrong. I'm so late to the game. What? No, no, no, you're the best. The podcast is gonna be a huge success.

You're the best, honestly, the best podcast guest, the best podcast host, you're the king on pods. But keep it simple, soda. Yeah, it's you hanging out. People fuck with you, they like you. We'll see about that. I think 30 to 40. We're gonna try to cap it at 40 for sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to fucking keep it tight. You do, I don't want these motherfuckers getting sick of me. Yeah, I'm sick of me. This is crazy, this is fucking, no one's sick, these motherfuckers would listen to you for four hours. I know, but I just, you know when you, you gotta use your spider sense,

when you're just kinda like, I just have been feeling like comedy is so great right now. Yeah. I don't want to be chicken little. Something's coming up. But I just want to be like, I have a feeling we're gonna regress back to being club acts. Of course.

I don't think this is gonna be anywhere. I'm not trying to blow my load right now. No, they're fucking believing yourself so much more this pisses me off This is the conversation for us out off Mike. Yeah, but it's like you're the best You're the the exception to the rule you need to have a fucking you're gonna be fine Well, you're fucking hilarious. I take the podcast is gonna be awesome I taped an hour in Portland and I don't even like I'm not even calling it a special even like I'm not even calling it a special. Yeah.

It's really good. I tie like correct people in email chains with the special, like, with the hour. With the hour. It's an hour. Because I think it's like, you know, I watched a lot of my friends, including you,

put out hours on YouTube and I saw the effect of just like giving it right to the people. Yeah, yeah. And I probably could go and try to sell something that Netflix and Amazon. But I was like, dude, I've been behind paywalls on everything. Yeah. And this hour is good. I like the jokes.

I want to put it out. Yeah. I don't want to make too much. I'm going to go on podcast to promote it in February. It'll probably be coming out in February. God damn. Or March. Cool.

But we taped it November back and I can pump fucking plug it for sure so But you too much humility with this fucking guy Genuinely I'm like because I know how I consume shit too much This is what happens when you come from a broken home in a specific way Now man, I look at things difference. All right. I'm not one of the best comics in the world. I'm just some guy. This is a guy whose father drank himself to death and Jimmy Buffett. If I've ever if I've ever seen one. Dude, that's for sure. You know what? I'll be fine. I'll walk. You guys go. I like any exercise.

This is a guy who said the drive is dead back from the bar when he was 11 years old. No, no, no, no, no, no, it's cool to miss birthdays. Birthdays, guys are selling their birthdays with their dads in the game. Well, that's true, they are. That is where you're right. But, no, dude, that's so funny. Yeah, I've been due. By the way, sorry, RIP to Jimmy how did that that affect you King parrot? Yeah

The big nest I immediately was like dude, I I don't know if I can do this joke now Sure, but I tried working on this bit and st. Germain tried helping me but I never caught on yeah because I don't know if I've told this story on the bonfire. I might have told it on the bonfire maybe on a podcast. But Jimmy Buffett, I never knew he was like, he's a good businessman. Oh yeah, absolutely.

He's like a really good businessman. He's like, he's a workaholic. Yeah, he's a bunch of... He's like a couple of licks. Yeah, he's a bunch of a couple licks He's a bunch of yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Jimmy Buffett was like had a successful One she's good at marketing. Yes like margaritaville Housing complex restaurants. Yeah, she's there's a couple there's a couple cheeseburger and paradise restaurant Michelle Wolf Used to work at margaritaville in Vegas selling pukanecluses. Get the fuck out of here. Sort of got.

That's fucking hilarious. So when I taped my HBO special in 2019, I did the joke about my dad being a Jimmy Buffett fan and drinking himself the death. Yep, yep, yep. And Siphah Sounds was DJing in the room. And Siphah, when I closed my show, I didn't ask him to do this. When I closed my show, he hit Margaritavil. That must have felt so good.

And my mom was like, Trish was like, that was incredible. You got to close the special with Margaritavil. And I was like, yeah, you're right, I definitely need to. So I asked HBO, I was like, can we get Margaritavil? Because we have just gone through the stuff of doing the opening. Because I had the 1984 opening for HBO special presentation. So we're having that conversation, and I was like,

also, can I get Margaritaville? Yeah, these should be the perks of working with HBO. Yeah, absolutely. They should be able to get you big dick license and clearance stuff. Go clear me some fucking big dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You guys are HBO.

I'm using my boy, I'm using my boy Mark, not a mighty Mark, Baltimore club music. We went to high school together. That's all. And I'm still, I would have done that just because that's my guy. But like, you know, that's, I paid for the music out of pocket.

But when you're with HBO, you, they should be able to get a couple, you know, they should be able to get Jimmy on the horn. 2016, I did an hour of comedy central. I wanted Queen to the Stone Age. You can't quit me, baby. Comedy central was like, that's too much money. So my friend Kevin Sullivan did a riff that sounded just like it.

Sully, my buddy from college, and it was awesome. Got to use that. HBO, I saw, I forgot, I think it might have been Drew Michael. Someone used the special intro, and I was like, damn, but they used it from later in the 80s. And I was like, oh, I remember the one from like the mid 80s. And I asked HBO and HBO, I was like, that was fine. And then I was like, can we use Jimmy Buffett,

Margaritaville to close it. And they're like, we'll reach out. And they came back probably within two days and they're like, $100,000. Oh my God. I did. To license that like $100,000. Oh my God. I did. To license that, $100,000. There's zero chance we're paying that.

And I was like, that's fine. Yeah. Fast forward to New York comedy fest, Napar Getzy, back when he was doing small rooms. Yeah, yeah. Town hall. Right, right, right, right. Next year, you can catch him at MetLife.

Yeah. You're going to be this one. But he was at Town Hall. And I wanted to go see him there because me and Nate saw Bill Berther, like, oh, nine. And I was like, has he Nate? Of course. So I go and Katie and I are backstage with Nate. And he's asking me about the edit

because we haven't like locked the edit on the HBO special and I was like, yeah man, I want to use Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville. Yeah. But it's $100,000. Yeah, yeah. And Nate being Nate is like, oh man, that's crazy, man. I got a buddy Greg who like, his friends with Jimmy. And I was like, oh yeah, he's like, oh no, it's like no's,

like no's indeed. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you have him talk to me for me. He's like, dude, absolutely. He's like, let me reach out to him at all. And so like a week later Nate hits me up and he's like, hey, I talked to him. He said, send Jimmy, like send an email,

and I'll give it to him. And then send me the bit that you do in your special So Jimmy can see it or whatever and I was like alright and I wrote like it's such book reporter Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like I sat down and was like mr. Buffett I hope the sunshine is finding you And you found that lost shaker of salt My name is Daniel Sager I ride him to see email that's like, you know my dad was a huge fan his music your music reminds me of him

Really like a nice email tug on the hard strings and it means something to you for real and I right. It really like a nice email. Tucked on the hard strings and it means something to you. For real. And I really like, I really wrote a nice email and I send the bit that I do about my dad in levels of dead dad. And I get a text from, I make calls me I think. It makes like buddy. I'm just gonna send you what I got.

And I was like, and I was like, buddy, I'm just gonna send you what I got. And I was like, and I was like, all right. Yeah. And the first, he sends me a screen grab of a text from his buddy Greg and it's a lovely email. Yeah. But the email, lovely, could tell this guy, nose Jimmy's music.

It's a music, nose Jimmy's music. This matters to him. Yeah. It's all I'm like. No, Jimmy's music. This matters to him. Yeah. Salt Mike. Yeah. We're cooking, baby. The Nate sends me a screen grab, but it's two pictures. It's a long time.

Oh, no. And it just goes like, yeah, no, I just watched the joke. There's zero chance Jimmy's going to say yes. This Jimmy doesn't like promoting alcoholism Yeah, the joke is about your dad literally Jimmy be the soundtrack to your father's Sarosus I think at one point in the joke I called him the pipe piper of Sarosus But I And so I saw that and I was like, I wasn't mad. Of course.

I was annoyed. I'm annoyed because it's like, you need your whole shit is, Margaritaville, yeah, what do you think happened? What do you think, what do you think the guys do? You think there's all those men in at your concerts with the noses that are giant red, and wearing up,

is because they love sniffing stuff. Oh yeah, you also don't want people promoting melanoma treatment. You also don't want people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wasted it away, you eat it, and margarita cool. It's the coolest. And the only just Jimmy supporter subpoena alcoholism. Yeah, do not drink alcohol. Drink please drink responsibly. Yeah, it was, but it made me be like,

so I tried doing a joke about him being like a ruthless business man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He just never worked. Too fresh, I think the death is too fresh. I'm the mayor of Fun Town. Do you think I got here being a bitch? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

You want my green of you, you're gonna pay. Get out of my bean bag chair and get the fuck. Take the slide to the parking lot. You need to go find my secretary, her ex, she'll leave you out. Take a slushy on the way out. I just heard bongos, my three o'clock is here Now take the jet ski and get the fuck out of here

Sir you can leave that my tie right where it sits You will not finish that pin your Kalala. Give me back that leg. We don't do business with people who aren't chilled out. Whatever, man. May he rest in hell for not giving you that music. I love Jimmy Puffett. Legitimately, I've said it before and I'll say it again.

He went to Paris as one of my favorite songs of all time. Yeah. Elders is a big parrothead himself. I saw him at Jones Beach a few years ago. With Huey Lewis opening? No, I don't know if anyone was opening. We got there and it's like, I'm sure he wasn't Huey Lewis in the news.

They can't miss Huey Lewis in the news. Cause Big J and the whole bonfire crew and I. Really? Was it 2015? No, no, no, it was like 2019. It was like outside We got rained on for like the whole concert basically. It's unfortunate He's dead because the assembly of his fans. Yes, you can just hear all the you can hear all the child support payments Yeah And by the way, white child support payments, not being paid. That's where you find them folks.

If you ever want to, yeah, that's actually good. You're a fucking long island mom, and your dad has and sent you money for school clothes. Put up a little cardboard box with a stick and play a sonos speakers portable speaker play margaritaville you'll catch it. He comes out of the garage.

He's like, the guy at Prairie Dog comes out. He goes, whoa, what's that? Someone's relaxing. Damn, it's a trap. Isn't it, trap? It's the salt trap that put a hammock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A hammock, but it's just covered with like a mouse trap.

Like a glue. We put the margarita. So you gotta understand, we put the margarita in the hole. Now, it's enough room for the hand to get through. They put the margarita, but they won't let go of the margarita. I told you to put it in the back. Give me the margarita. Give me the margarita bitch. I told you to put it in the back of the read-a-pitch. It's just a scrap monkey.

Absolutely. That would fucking work. Yeah, it is. It's, it is. It's flute music. It's beautiful, man. For her fucking divorce, man. Beautiful, beautiful.

Yeah. Maybe some plugs are too. Yeah, going back to our plug conversation, I have my hair goals figured out, right? I'm gonna let the bold pony go for a while. Then I'm gonna go blonde after that, okay? Gonna go blonde once it's nice and long, right? Then I think it's time for wigs.

Then I think it's time for Wigs. Then I think it's time for two pays. Pfft. I'm honestly thinking. I do see it coming. It's like when they made the Doritos taco at Taco Bell. Yes, yes, yes. You were like, this was inevitable. Yeah. You and a two pay.

I think it's, but they're high quality two pay. I'm talking about the ones who are you know the video where it shows like yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely yeah and the way and then by the way when I'm like 60 70 that's when I get plugs you get it get it get. Get a crazy amount. Absolutely. Yeah, she is fuck dude I might get I might get my hair completely and then just get like like a put a wreaking guys like Yeah, it's kind of like half between white and black hair. It's kind of wavy crunchy. I just have like a throw out here My scout dealer told me you was like're shit's gonna get thinned out when

you get older, so I could just double down again. Double down brother. But I'm good. Yeah. I'm just I just wanted to ride out my 40s. Of course. That's fair. With a space wig. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. It looks great. When I come back to earth in my 50s and 60s. Yep. I'm just gonna let it go. I respect that. I just can't be looking like a white Sam, because so, point in. No, I feel you on that. That's why I say, because that's kind of, I feel like what I did now is like, when everybody buzzed,

I was like, no, we're growing out. And so that's why I think when everybody is let it go, that's when I come through with this. I have a joke right now about- The most luscious head of hair. I have a joke right now about how hair surgery is the new fake tits. It's for men, what women went through in the 90s.

Interesting, it's for fake tits. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's work, it's abundant now. Dude, now you get, I got a big old set of hawkers. Yeah. I got the one they put under the muscle. Yeah. Shout out to the big one.

I'm gonna love your two pay fake, because you can get crazy. I will get out of control with it. I'm gonna Alabama quarterback. Yeah See just push it over. Oh, I love that man. Yeah, yeah, we got a lot of we got a lot of lot of options So we'll see I have it all planned out, and that should write us out, I think. Did you get jacked, though? We'll get, you know. Here's the thing, when you start seeing results,

if it's just gonna be, if you can hit that, this is happened to me before, and literally what happened is stand up comedy ruined my life, because I got sick, it was during the pandemic, and then I hit the road, and I was doing good, and then it was just like, and then it was clips, and that kind of started blowing me up,

where I was like, I'm adding shows, and then it was the special, and then it was like, oh, I was gonna take a break, and I was like, well, I can't take a break now, I'm never eating on the road, does make it. But it's, you know, whatever, this is well-trod territory, I've talked about this all the's, you know, whatever. This is well-trod territory. I've talked about this all the time.

Yeah. But yeah, no, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. Eighty treats on the road do rule. I do love a nice treat. What's your sluddy, this little favorite treat? Because that's the thing I like about you. You are not, you're not, you never were fat either, right?

You're never, I'm skinny fat. But like, you do have an appreciation for treats. Well, because I'm not a hollic. Right, right, right. I was just talking to Julian McCullough about that. When you drink, I didn't understand people that ate desserts when I drank. Oh, it was a kid's name.

You're a child? Wow, really? And then I quit alcohol and I was like, I want ice cream cookies and more. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. My shit though that I like is I like one chocolate. Like when I'm on the road, like a Phoenix. Sure.

I'm in Phoenix, I wasn't Phoenix. Back in the day. Yeah, yeah. Back in November, but I get on Friday, I'll get like one chocolate thing and one sweet or sour thing. Like I'll get like a gummy or like air heads. Yep. Yep. Yep. And then I'll get like a snickers or so I need both I'm more of a chocolate man. I love chocolate

But I like to end with like Welch's fruit snacks. Oh healthy That honestly is where I'm like All right, you know what I like to get at the airport because we're in airport so much. Yeah, of course. You can find candy. So now I know from the close to the LaGuardia, there's one stop where I can get these chocolate covered cashews.

And I'll be like, well, this is my bag for the weekend. I love that shit. And then I'll give myself the weekend to eat the bag. I will never, the bag will not make it off a plate. I promise you that. I have to put it in my bag that's hard to get to. Smart. In a compartment that's stuff with some charges

on top of it, you gotta give yourself a little obstacle course. And then I get to the hotel when I unpack, I'm like, well, hi. Yeah. Do that one clean around. Yeah. Yeah.

What the fuck? What the fuck? Oh, fuck. Mmm. Mmm. Mmm. What the fuck? What the fuck? Oh fuck. Oh fuck. There's... There's... But sometimes, if there's like good desserts at the club, or if there's like a restaurant that's close to the club that has desserts, I'll do that.

Yeah. Like a cheesecake or something. Oh, bruh. Is that love coming back to my hotel and watching YouTube? Yes. Oh, really? Snacks. What do you have like a go-to YouTube?

I've weirdly become like a learning about like real ancient history or like getting into like, gnostic shit about like religion, like early religious shit. So much better than what I do. I want wrestling documentaries. Hell yeah. Would you like and was Vince McMahon pissed at him? Well, you could tell because he had to drop the intercontinental title. Yeah.

Or I'll put on why movies weren't made. I love these little documentaries about like why, what's his name? Who does the robot productions? He did Star Wars. He came back and did not Lucas, but you guys know who I'm talking about. He did Lost and... Oh, JJ Abrams? JJ Abrams. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, why didn't JJ Abrams? He was supposed to do Batman Year 1 or Darren Arnofsky. That's what was.

Oh, nice. He was supposed to do Batman year one and so I like love I'll like watch it 12-minute documentary and be like oh That's cool. I didn't know that all fell apart cuz of that. Yeah, yeah, like who is cast who was like supposed to play that in It's useless. I don't even remember it. See I don't I'm a big food network on the road I love guy dude, you know when I see my my guy guy guy guy guy up guys grocery game Guy theory dude. I just love triple D triple D's a banger the whole guy theory cinematic universe I just need a bitch. It's down to watch guys grocery games for me. It's chopped for the common man It really is it's too much for you It's Walmart chocolate

You get your in your basket is chip beef, pastry dough. I just love him doing the, I just love Guy Fieri doing the older white guy hanging out with a young black. He loves him. He loves him. You know what you put on this, my guy? He's the king though, dude, because it works. It shouldn't work in it. Like the chain he wears. I love it. It's so it's what I'm like me goes would wear that chain

I love it hundred percent. It's just wearing it. This Chipotle sauce Believe you he's the fucking man when I was in I went to Italy With this girl I was dating and we were like trying to watch TV and all that was on was Italian diners driving. Oh, hell yeah. It was called Travolocongai. Travolocongai? And I was like, Travolocongai? Wait, did they have their own guy, Fieri?

No, they were not. They were very dubbed in Italian. They were young, lots. You feel that? He's like, he's like, Buffalo chicken nachos. Yeah, yeah. Oh, boom, boom, brist, you want to work? boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, but weirdly combined these two of the characters. And it was just like, it makes no sense. Cause they're like giving them both,

like both plot lines and they just didn't, and they called it the buddies. That's right. So when you guys would go over there, like when you would visit, when you were a kid and you would see that, you'd be like the buddies. You'd be like, this is friends.

I was like, this is friends. And there was an old guy, I think his name was Lefthetti Spandazise, who would he would just take every number one hit and just steal the music and just would release it in Greek. He was doing, he was doing it so long and started with like, you know, it would be like, I don't know, like some kind of like rock hit, like a,

I don't even know what, what, and he was like an old traditional like, like folk music guy. Yeah. Who then, by the end of his career, was just taking literally ACON songs. That's so cool. He was just like the melody from ACON songs. That sounds fucking great. And then, like, he had rappers.

And the best part in Greece is they just get any black guy to rap. It's not, he's not even sort of famous. They just get like a black guy who wraps in England or Germany or something. And no one can knows what they're saying. And it's just like the corneus black dude you've ever seen in your life. I wanna look up some Greek music videos.

Yeah. Let's gotta say. Pull him up, fellas. Leftezi Spandazese. Elliot, yeah, you got a Pandazese. There he is. Yeah. I think that's him.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that's him. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, look at his little go-to arrow. Oh, my God. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Play me one of the hits.

Play something nice, dude. Go to the videos. What's his hit? Maybe, do Filaccia. I think that, go down, no, no, no, I was there. It was there. Go down, motherfucker. One more.

Write their videos, Filaccia. I believe this is a ripped off song, too. Yeah, I think that go down and I was there was there go down motherfucker one more right there videos feel like yeah I believe this is a ripped off song to but I don't remember Hmm Oh, oh this isn't this isn't stolen, I don't think. Fuck, but he had a good one. It's like techno ramen. Yeah, it's huge. We might have to cut this into YouTube, at least.

We could probably do it on the audio. Oh. Just a little taste, whatever. Yeah, he's the man. They would just do shit like that. I love that. Oh Yeah, he's the man they would just do shit like that. I love that. Yeah, we would go to the great counter Dracula Oh, dude. Yeah, he's he's fucking awesome. What you don't like the fact that they don't do their concert I don't get burned by the sun Yeah, dude, he's been he's had a career for like a hundred years It's okay. I've known for thousands I Still the blood of the living like I still the hits

Yeah, I think he was doing like the the Dino song that So Stan is based on Yeah Hey, yeah, man, I called you my friend where the fuck you are I tell you I come you come to the place I buy you so Hey, man, I called you, my friend. Where the fuck you are? I tell you, I come, you come to the place, I buy you some lucky, we get to push it together. Hey, I'm not gonna tear it too much anymore for you. I come to your house with baseball bat.

Tears don't come. Oh, my God. Hey, man, I went to your house again. What are you doing, man? I told you. You hide from me. you know hide from left teddy left teddy find you M&M you think I'm scared of you oh you have black friends I'm scared I'm not scared of black guy I'm a bit black guy up

you are pissing me off, Malaga. I will find you, M&M, and then when you I see you, it is not good for you. It will be very bad what I do to you. Now, write me back. Hey, that's Tristan. That's an interesting name. I never heard that shit before. Does that mean you left handed? He's handed.

Where did you play it? She threatened me. I fuck you. I fuck you, M&M. You tell me I interesting. I said it is something interesting. You might dig your mouth, man. You're so far away.

I love you. I love you, left wrist. I'll say it. Left hand is pandazis. Left love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I'm like, the bathroom's broken, he'd be like, you're dead. I'm on my own island today. I'm on my own island today. What happened? What happened? What happened? And I know you think I'm doing a stereotypical voice. Yeah.

If we brought Mike Vecchio in here and shut his eyes and I called his phone and I'd be like, hey Mike, you see anything? Yeah, I'm not gonna be able to get dead today. I know the dollar was bust a wide open. I know these are draved, come and do the windows. We got, when I first moved in there, someone broke into our back window.

And we're like, Anthony, what the fuck? And he was like, yeah, I don't know. I'm gonna put bars up on the inside of your windows. The inside. So in the master bedroom there's bars. There's bars open. Like a weird little cage around. Like you have to have to see this.

Why do you like it? Like you're like, you're like, no, no, no, I'm trapping them in here. We, you. You're like animals. Oh, this is like a beware of dogs. They're like, you really need these gonna be boys. It's boys, you don't want it, pal.

I lived there for 15 years. 15 Holy fuck. I still see the place, I shed a little tear. Did you fall in the five? The El Hefe Dojo. Yeah, it was awesome, dude. John fucking, I love that place. I will live very poor there.

Of course. And then it was weird to like, it felt like I was always a waiter. Yeah, I know this is who you talking to. Yeah, I'm in the same apartment I've been in since I moved to. Now we've turned one of the rooms into a fucking studio. Yeah, but I feel in there. It feels the same.

Yeah, something about that that I like rounded. Yeah, you feel it's like, I mean, living under the train sucked ass the train was yeah, but I liked the apartment. I liked everything that was around. I mean, I you know, I was single Yeah, so that's like different now Of course feel say kind of a tough thing to bring Well, I had one one girl that just wouldn't come to coin. Oh, yeah, but she was a dumb bitch Yeah, but then like like, it was really funny watching our roommate handsome Pete.

Yes, one point you lived in like a little closet. I lived in the window of this room for eight years. We ate the eight of the five. I lived there one, I lived in the room one year and I almost killed myself. I didn't live in the window of this room for eight years. I did eight. I did eight, maybe seven.

I did one year in the second room. There was three rooms. There was the master bedroom, the second room, and then the closet. I did the first year there, then moved to the second room, then came back for humbling. Humbling came back for, yes, seven years. Yeah, damn.

And then I moved, and then Vecchio and I were gonna leave the apartment and go get a two bedroom, but it was More expensive to get a two bedroom than Stan our bedroom. Yeah, so we're just at you know handsome Pete already had a new place Yeah, yeah, he used to pull Club I'm talking about dance club level 10. Yeah, yeah yeah. To come back and just from that hat and he would bring them back crazy. Wow. And I'd be smoking a cigarette out front. You get late.

Yeah. And they'd come in and I'd be like, what are you doing here? It was you in the master. Trains going by and we're just I was smoking like, I am dead. I was saying this to Julian and Katie the other day, but Nate stayed with us. This is like right when he left New York. He came back and stayed with us on our couch. And he'll always and Pete pulled the girl while Nate was there. So funny.

And Nate, they go back to the bedroom and Nate's talking to Vicki on and I go, how does she explain that to her friends? Like how does she explain this setup? There's a guy that just sleeps in a closet. And then there's, I think, a former Mr. Pennsylvania. That's what he called, Becky. I'll never forget to ask. Yeah, it was one of those situations where finally when I moved into the regular bedroom there,

I was like, oh, this is livable. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, it's luxury. Because I couldn't shut the door of the windowless room is too hot Shut the door there was no Relations and there was only a heater those kind of heaters. Oh, no, dude It's so it would just get in the winter you must you do you ever get pussy in that room? Yeah, I'd girlfriends They would come and fuck in a long term'd chew the long-term girlfriends in that

and they would fuck in the closet. Yeah. Shut the door and be like, girls, but be some pick-room shit. That's it for you, it's only gonna go about four minutes. And then we'll be catching a breeze. And then we'll have to open it up in the smell of when you're seeing pussy. Is this gonna open up in the dark?

Smells like knives. It smells like pussy. He just opened up the door. Smells like nuts. Yeah, there's a fresh oven in the fresh fucking batch. Handsome Pete comes out like a fucking carrot. Like a cartoon smell in a window. A pie on a window, so. Someone just got some pussy. It's funny, the bathroom was by his room, so you would walk by and just hear like,

all the time. All the time. What would you be playing like, I'd be playing like Madden or NCAA and your positive and just hear like, ow! He's like, shut up bitch. I'm about to beat Alabama.

We, everyone in this apartment heard everybody, fuck I'm pretty sure. I heard eldest's pathetic stroke. I, I'm sure Vicki on, fuck, I'm pretty sure. I heard, I heard eldest's pathetic stroke. I, people, I'm sure Vicki on the third mind, I've heard his. Yeah. I've heard, I, yeah. You got, you're not truly boys until you know the BPM.

They, your roommate, fucks that. Or you just hear, ooh. Oh yeah, that was horrible. Hearing eldest come, honestly, I heard it once, one time and it really legit fucked me up for two weeks I was bummed out for two weeks hearing like a gutter-ol-ass like eldest come F***ing pissed me off dude The thing that makes me laugh is the cum

And then the silence and then you hear them be normal again. Oh, yes. Were you here like, were you here like just laughter? Were you here the frantic energy of like, yeah. And you're like, yeah, yeah. That's quiet. Like, mm, mm, mm, mm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

That's your real. Yeah, that's your sex. You're right. Mm. Mm. Mm. That's it sucks. You're right. That's it. I know.

Those are moments that you should never, we should not have been privy to those. Fucking is one thing, man. That's animalistic. I can live. I can just, but yes, the aftermath, just the polite conversation. Have you ever sent a picture that isn't sexual but cute to a guy friend by accident. Oh, like a cute little selfie of yourself? That is brutal. Dude, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If this happened in 2015, you were like Thanksgiving in 2015. Yeah.

I sat on a st.a.m. ring. Just like you with your mom like me and my grandma's dog and I was like That was it for me Was it oh shit you got to play it off you're gonna be like yeah, it was I love you for today. Yeah, I love you. You're my friend. I love you. I bet I love you this whole time I'm just going to go gay, I'm going to go gay. Maybe Dan and I will have a nice life. I'm so happy.

Fuck, dude. Yeah, were there any like really atrocious situations you were in, fuck wise, where I was like, I can't go back to the like closet. So I'm going to random hook up and you've ended up in just a horrible apartment of a girl's or like, oh yeah. There was, there was one where I hooked up with a girl in Brooklyn, like after the knitting factory and we got blind drum. And then we're at, we

went back to her apartment and I woke up in the middle of the night and I it was a railroad style apartment and it was in the middle room oh no black it was because there's nothing in there yeah it's kind of similar to the closet room I was where I just woke up pitch black and then I just touched a person and I was like and I was like it was like four o'clock in the morning and I was like, hey, what's up, where's my phone? And then I found my jeans on the floor and pulled my phone out. That wasn't even the worst part.

Yeah. It was guessing which door. Oh no. No. Oh. Yeah. Do it which way is out. There's no daylight.

There's no clues. Oh My god, it is opening the first door and then see its windows on the other side Like you have to go out the other side and then go through the kitchen But that was brutal that I don't miss that. Yeah. Oh my god. I'm trying to remember I mean they were definitely some fucking places where I You know what I remember a bathroom where I couldn't get hard and I was like, hitting my dick on the sink. It's trying to get hard.

Like you're opening a heart, a tough bottle of ketchup. You're like, come on, dude. Come on, dude. Come on, dude. I'm like, oh, I gotta use the bathroom. She's been sucking on my limp penis. Oh my God, what a noodle. Give it a girl a wet noodle for more than a minute.

Yeah. Really sorry. Because obviously they want to see progress. Yeah, but I could sketch you that bathroom. I don't remember what the girl looked like. I don't remember what the fucking bedroom looked like, but that bathroom. And then there's like an atrocious basement. I'll decide. No, you fucked in some horrible places. I mean, my just your playing a lot of home games?

I don't know. You never fucked away? I did a few times, but I mean, it's more like, I guess the places were pretty weird. It's always rude when you fuck someone like, they have like a fuck ton of roommates. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Meeting everyone the next day. Oh, meeting everyone's brutal.

Hey, how are you? Oh, I suppose they're back. Who do you guys last everyone's brutal. Yeah, worry. Sometimes they're like, who do you guys last night? You're like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Just seeing these people like Sunday, Saturday, morning, like on their day off and they're just like hanging around making some weird little breakfast. Yeah. I was always the roommate.

Yes. I was always the bridesmaid never the bridesmaid. Yeah. I was always the guy that was like Especially when I drank I would wake up on Saturdays really looking forward to getting fucked up and watching college football. Yeah Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, I'd get Saturdays for me. We're getting about getting drunk Just hammered because I wasn't doing like real spots in the city We're really when you first start comedy, weekends are your office. You're off.

Monday through Thursday. You have no spots, no one gets, like you're lucky to get a guest spot or a fucking check spot. So yeah, you can kind of. I would do check spots on Friday nights. Okay. And that would be like, I'd be like,

all right, I got Saturday. Into Sunday so I can get banged up on Saturday and then rest all day, Sunday. Yeah. And I love it. It's just an addict's mind. I'm like, it's gonna be two days. That's two out of the seven days of the week.

Just dedicated to drinking. By the way, I'll be getting fucked up the other days too. You know what I mean? But two out of seven, just those are gone. Listen, I would always talk about how we take Sundays off and then on Mondays we're like, dude, we're so healthy. You're gonna fuck up.

I'm trying to use this. Well, I'm just not drinking one day. One day and then on Mondays, we're like, dude, we're so healthy. You're like a fuck up. I'm trying to use this. I'm just not drinking one day. One day and then we're fine. But on Saturdays, there'd be so many times I'd wake up and like crusty ass basketball shorts and like liquor tea, cigarette coming out of the window in the room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go outside and smoke and then come back in and there's just be a hot girl and like Pete's t-shirt be a Hi, I'm Molly Hey, you're you're fucking the vibe. I think Pete and I are gonna order brunch Yeah, I was gonna go get tall boys of Budwarser Do you like freezer vodka? Do you like freezer vodka? I'm gonna bet money with a guy that lives in Queens before the apps. We're like, I'm gonna put a hundred down on Texas for so cool home.

Do you want to go to the liquor store? It was always like, because you're showing someone you don't care about. Yeah, but you have to impress you. You extra don't care about them. Like I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, but you know, I will say you're probably the only one who really made me make small talk. Christina, not really. She was date. She was actually pretty quickly in a serious relationship when she was in here.

Wasn't out here really slaying and random horrors. And then our friend, big, maybe he did a little bit, but you really were the one who I actually put some, some like, sitting on the couch watching a show with some bitch. So that's, dude, the funniest was the dating, the- Elders couldn't tell us which to get out, and I had to, and I had to fucking sacrifice an afternoon. Oh.

I was just chilling, I was just like doing something in his room, and he wasn't even like dating her. It was just some girl he fucked like twice. And you gotta watch a show on like AMC that you've never watched. Yeah. Yeah. You guys will put on blue's clues for it.

You're like, you want screen time? Can you fuck my roommate? You want screen time? You're good, I'll give you screen time. Just every moment passing is another thing I'm holding against Elders. It's like how much am I gonna go off on him meter? Going up and up. You never...

Cause I put video games. And so the worst was like, I didn't have a TV in the box. So I wanted to play video games. And if they were like chilling on the couch, you worst was like, I didn't have a TV in the box. So I wanted to play video games. And if they were like chilling on the couch, you'd be like, doing a little kid, you're like, you guys done? My turn. Dude, the worst.

I mean, dude, we had at a certain point. And then the girl would come and go like, are you playing Spider-Man? And you're like, yes. Yeah, dude. When this bitch is roasted, you're like, you're getting raw by my idiot friend. And you have that in your back pocket, you're like, my friend

who's pretty fat and doesn't, and isn't, and is a loser, is about to ghost you, bitch. I know this. Why are you, why aren't you quiet down? You want to hit him? You want to hit him with the forest go? Where do you go? Where are you playing video games? You go. Oh. Oh. Oh. I'm like, I know he's dick ain't that big bitch.

You're a bad actor. That's so funny. You don't even look up. Do you think he's gonna text you back? It's just, you got a better chance to get a text back and I do a beaten doc off over here. It's so fucking funny. Oh. I totally forgot about that feeling until we just got there. I do a beaten doc off over here. So fuck it, fuck it. I've totally forgot about that feeling until we just got there.

I know. I'm heard being like, are you playing video games? You go, bitch, I'm 14 and three with the Niners. It's wild card weekend, Hor. I don't know. I'm on the way with a bit of a graphic. What did you do? Just get and I'm gonna go have eggs? 320 bucks

One time he brought it time one time he brought Pete handsome Pete brought home two girls Wow I like my girlfriend and I were in the their closet Mm-hmm a sleep and yet they leave the door open and they brought in like a circus and it was like for him. And I remember my wallet was on the on the coffee table and I was like these slithering ass huddles. So he brought two but he fucked two bitches or he had two or they they're a bunch of friends with them. No, there's him and two girls. Respect. And then I, I was like well, my wallet's out there. I just afford dollars in there. I opened the door with that face.

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just remember I opened the door and one of the girls goes, we're having a pizza party. Oh, no. No. I got my wallet and we're back in there. And then the girl I was getting was mad.

She was like, my last girl's out there and you're like, bitch, you saw what just happened. Come on. What do you think I'm gonna get sucked off while I'm going to get my wallet? Dude, the most angry I've ever, and Pete Nier still friends, but the most angry I ever was at that dude, ever.

Was what I worked on that Guinness, I did that Guinness job, and they had me gone for like two and a half weeks. And I came home and it was a Saturday. And I was like, it was the UFC, Anderson Silva's when Chris Wyman and Anderson Silva fought in here. And so this leg broke. And Rhonda Rousey was like defending her belt.

And I was like, dude, I had that day planned out. I landed that like 8 p.m. Yeah, you were gonna slide right in which Anthony and Frank's RIP Right on 23rd Avenue. I like had everything playing. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes for my bags and I had this feeling of like, what if this motherfucker has people over when I go? Yeah, yeah. Dude, I show up on my apartment. The door's open. Oh. I walk in.

I walk in. I walk in. I walk in. It's about nine o'clock. I walk in, the paper view is on. Mm. Right? It's being recorded.

But my couch, my like, sectional couch, filled with people I don't know. I don't know any of these people. I look in the kitchen for people I don't know. I look to the Pete's bedroom, it's the doors open, there's people in there, but I don't know anybody. And I have like a big suitcase, and I'm like, Hi.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just me coming in a little hot for you, for you, for you people. And then Pete's friend that I knew was like, hard. Yeah. Just me coming in a little hot. Yeah, I'm like, for you. For you, for you people. And then Pete's friend that I knew was like, hey, hey, hey, hey, show. Pete just left. Pete wasn't even there. It's going to me to girl.

And I was like, then you guys need to get the fuck out of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. I was like, I was so mad. Yeah. I put my shit in the window this room, shot the door. I was like, I'm gonna take a Yeah. I put my shit in the window, this room shut the door. I was like, I'm gonna take a walk. So I'm gonna smoke a cigarette. Yeah.

When I come back, nobody be here. Yeah, yeah. I want, and the guy was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys, guys, we gotta leave peace room. It wants us to leave. Yeah. Did I come home so angry? Ain't my sandwich, watch the pay-per-view.

Anderson Silver and Chris Wyman started fighting. Pete came in through the door and we just attacked each other. Like, herbally, like started screaming at each other. He opened the door and I was like, what the was it's his leg breaking no that was our friendship yeah that was one of the most jarring moments just like turning like a wet noodle it was fucked up with you dude but you did it we're both like oh yeah oh he's totally in the wrong and then we're both like I guess yeah no he's totally yeah yeah yeah because I was like you're not allowed to have

people over anymore yeah it's like I was like, you're not allowed to have people over anymore. He's like, what? I was like, you're not allowed to have people over. Yeah, I love that because you had the moral high ground that you're like, now you can't, now you're being a dickhead. Like you can't tell somebody, it's not allowed to have people.

You're not as dead. And by the way, he's in the master bedroom. You're in the closet. I was saying, I was like, you're not allowed to have people. I pay $400 in rent here. I will not be disrespected. My sleep in a hammock. Up on the ceiling.

Oh, fuck dude. Yeah, there's nothing worse than that feeling of, and we had at a certain point, somewhere there's five people living here. And dude, when I, same thing, coming back from the road, I'm not doing well, I'm doing, you know, I'm making maybe a thousand dollars for the whole weekend. And that's before expenses, right?

And I just want, and I have it in my head, you know, there's an NBA game I want, and I just want to chill out. And then you just stop, I have a specific thing specific thing I'm ready to order and there was nothing worse than like open the door up and it was like oh this guy's fucking on a date he's showing some bitch like a fucking you know brine the palm of some art house shit that you can tell he's trying to fuck or our other roommates like watching watching like video,

people play video like Twitch stream, like that shit or like it was always like, oh no, there was so many of us, but. When I was growing up my mom's boyfriend would watch Yukon women's basketball and I would come home from my friends. What the, I mean look, they are good. But actually, but you went to Yukon? No, they were good. They were like what we years we talk

This is what I started. Yes, so you know are you I'm a really just got in there. I got you He was running shit, but it's correct because like you look on the east coast I Remember women's Yukon women's hoop but to do that he went to Yukon but come on You're in fucking Colorado, but he was from Connecticut and then we dude, we would fucking, I would come home from a friend's house like hungover, like teenage drinking. Oh no. And I'd come home and I'd be like,

I'm gonna watch some college football or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I felt, I forget what it would be, whatever sport I want at NBA, I'd come home and be like, Yukon's playing Miami, women's, and you're like, cool. And by the way, it's like, it's one thing, if they're in the final four.

Rebecca Lolo, ball that. I don't even think regular season, Yukon was smashing everyone. They're not even interesting games. The scores were like 76 to 34. You're like, I don't want to watch this. I'm not gonna try to watch this. What the fuck you all you want to do?

Fuck Joe, man. Fuck Joe. All right, we could talk forever, Danny. It's effortless, but let's solve some of these motherfuckers' problems. Let's do it. Let's get dialed up, bell. This...

All right, Stovey, baby. I got one for you. Probably pretty easy. The answer is not going to lie because I'm not a retard, but I am. So my wife thinks that I don't drink. Awesome. Awesome. I'll leave here in the weekdays, but I do every day on the land. I'm not a retard. He says he is living just one of the most fundamentalized possible. You can't find the way. His wife doesn't know he drinks. It's also, yes, that even should drink.

You're doing a thing that makes you sloppy. Right. You're gonna fuck us. Yes, yes. This is the insane. Yeah. Anyway, sorry, keep playing it. So, my wife thinks that i don't drink uh...

or or least here the weekdays but i do every day on the way home on the way home to take stand at mucleague which last night she counts as an ex she kind of brushed it off which is a little stuff if you ask me. That's just Jesus. I don't know.

I told her my birthday was last weekend when I was ready to give it to me, blah, blah, I never took it. Should believe the shit, as far as I know, everything is fine, you know. I'm just wondering what with your opinion on this whole situation. Why do you worry about your substance abuse issues?

Stop being like this, kid. I've known what I'm saying. But I don't want to do that. I don't want to stop. What would your advice be for the hit? It always sounds like you might have had fucked up in the business. Absolutely. He is also.

Why don't we ever hang out anymore? It's like, dude, you know, you don't even fucking hit me up. I always check our text. It's a bunch of glue. And I never hit me back. I got those fire memes on the same room. And you used over here. It's not responded. This is crazy. Let me tell you something. Yes, please. I know how this man's brain works.

Please. Because what he's doing is, he's not calling for advice. He's calling, hoping someone green lights him staying getting fucked up. Right. This guy wants someone to be like. Not dude, she's a bitch. She doesn't get you, bro.

You're cool. I think getting fucked up is the coolest. Yeah. Pouring mad dog into your work thermos and drinking it on the bus home. That's what a cool guy does. Chop a whole thing of alcoids. So it doesn't smell like it.

Brush eating peanut butter and then brushing your teeth. That's cool. You either stop getting fucked up or tell your wife you are getting fucked up. Yeah, that's the thing here. It's like, it doesn't matter. Your wife can't be your fucking parent. Yeah, she's not your mommy.

You can't be acting like this bro. It stands exactly, you're 100% right. But I think, I think first and foremost is being honest with your wife. Just being like you I like to get fucked up because if you married her she should know that it's but it's also like there's nothing better than telling your Your wife something mm-hmm or girl something and she knows you and she goes like well, yeah Sometimes I'll be burnt out on the road and I'll be like hey, I just want to come home and like I'm gonna get stoned and order pizza

Yeah, I know that I was assuming that's what you're gonna do. I would love you. Yeah. But you gotta just rip the bandaid and tell her, like you hiding like that Xanx thing of you being like, that's it, that's dude, imagine lying to your wife like that. You're like, oh, that's crazy. What's the point?

This is the 50, yeah. What are those? These are Xanx. These are like balloons. crazy what's the point this is the point yeah text also I but I do love him being like and she brushing off which suspects yes I know what a piece of

shit you're being the shady you're lying to her about this you know her the truth and be like you know I like to get fucked up I mean I don't want to stop because you said that I'll be straight up on it he's like but I don't. And I don't wanna stop, because he said that. I'll be straight up on it. He's like, but I don't wanna do that. See, the thing, I wonder if the implication here is that he knows his wife wouldn't approve, right?

If that's what's going on here. And it should have a problem, and she might know that. Right, and that's the other thing is like, you, A, you have a problem. I mean, there's no way around it. You're fucked up right now. We say right now. You're definitely fucked up, call.

Sneak drinking, getting, drinking. Sneaking getting fucked up is the first sign that you're like, why am I sneaking? Well, yeah, sneaking anything, dude. Sneaking fucking, you know how many times I've eaten Oreos really fast? Like not even like, by the way,

I remember stealing cookies when I was a kid at home to the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Putting, putting, eating something and then putting different trash on top of it. So no one knows it's there. Good job. Covering the wrapper with like, with like fucking coffee grounds.

Yeah, you go. Doing a pot, you have no intention of drinking. That's your burning off the fingertips. Yeah. You're like, cut the head in the hands off. Yeah. You got no way of my challenge. Who had this delicious snack? Yeah.

So, yeah, dude, I think there's a couple big issues here. Hey, you have a problem, but more than that, it's like, what is the point? Now, look, I've only had one serious relationship. I've only dated anybody for a real time. There's been one serious relationship, maybe three or four total girls I've dated. I'm not the most, I don't have the most, experience with monogamy here, right?

But what's the point of being married if you have to fucking hide drink, like isn't the whole point that this person is your fucking, there's like, you know, you guys are basically partners in this shit. You could do white lies to just smooth this shit over, but this shit's crazy. Well, here's also the thing, is you gotta give this guy a little bit of the benefit of the doubt.

Sure. We don't know, they might have gotten married young. Sure, that's fair. Yeah, there might be a lot of factors that We don't know, they might have gotten married young and grown up in that. Yeah, there might be a lot of factors that we don't know. You're right, you're right. But from our perspective, the reason you left a message, both of us agree between my little mini-puff.

Yes, yes. Both of us agree, you gotta tell your wife. That's why you're getting fucked up. Or stop. If you don't wanna tell her, stop. And. If you don't want to tell her, stop. And if you don't want to stop, tell her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, and honestly, stopping without telling her,

the reason I say tellers because stopping in secret is almost more than impossible. It's almost worse than getting fucked up. Cause now you're irritable. She's like, why is he being an asshole? You might as well as relapse. You know what I mean? You can see any bar in him fucking. Yeah, yeah, why is he being an asshole? You might as relapse any barn and fucking smoking boinks, which is awesome.

That's the hard part of all this stuff. There's also a chance that she understands and she can, and you can taper it down. Exactly. And look, tell her one way or another in my opinion, because it's like, we, you're right, we don't know all this specifics, but it will lead to what has to happen. Yeah. Bro, if you're with somebody who like just, don't know all the specifics. But it will lead to what has to happen. Bro, if you're with somebody who,

like just, and I'm not saying I approve fully of your lifestyle, I don't know exactly what's going on with you, but if you're with somebody who would find this kind of behavior abhorrent, then maybe this is in the person for you or who wouldn't at least understand you and try and help you or whatever, if that, like, you have to, you know, this has to come to the surface.

One way or another. And how you deal with it as a couple is, I think, pretty instructive of whether you guys should even be together, right? Yeah, you're going to know if you love her or not. Like, if you're still in it together. Yeah. If you can tell her this. Because also, look at it from her perspective.

It's like, you've just been sneaking. Yeah. You've been hiding this from me for how long? And it's like, and then once you're hiding something like this, you do kind of break the general trust of like, well, is he cheating? Is he like, is he, you know, is he even like, you know, is like, what else, you're hiding something like this?

What else could you be hiding? Your trust is gonna be gone. That's what I'm saying. You kind of have to get ahead of this with being like, hey, I don't know what happened, but recently, my drinking has gotten out under control. I was ashamed initially to tell you about it, but like this is how I feel,

to at least preserve the trust and the relationship. And you're not wanting to stop, buddy, I hate to tell you, I think we both are in agreement that you should at least, that should be your goal. Now, it's hard to stop, right? I'm not telling you I think we both are in agreement that you should at least that should be your goal now It's hard to stop right? I'm not telling you cold turkey quit everything But if that's not at least your goal right now if you're like I'm awesome lying to my wife and doing Then you're the maybe she shouldn't be with you for her sake, right? I love it. Yeah, it is I can't get enough of

The funds in the hunt. You do a thing where you gotta go and we'll get caught. What do you have me? I'm fucked up. She should be catching me pretty easy. There's also the buzzword that she knows and she's waiting for you to tell you. She's like saying, because you don't see like, this should be. You fall asleep and you're super and I think it's because you're tired.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want it in your soup, but I think it's because you're tired Yeah, dude, there's a chance you're not my guess is you're not exactly James Bond Yeah, you're maybe getting caught here, but yeah, let me let me step away one second Yeah, I got a call into this hotline. Dan. That's a very good point I just I kind of wanted to change my shirt and tell you about something you might not know about. And that's the easiest way to learn language, folks. Dan, did you know that, if you take a look at search trends, interested in learning a new language is only increasing over time, and there tends to be a bit of a spike in the

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the makers of the coldest smoothest hitting pipes, bubbles and bongs. I want to do it. Yeah dude you got to try it. Plus I heard they got crazy deals right now too. They really do and I do wanna try it. In fact, perfect. Perfect. Oh geez, you know the magic of Reese pipe, freezable glycerin chambers a couple of every piece Pop this glycerin chamber in the freezer for one out

Insil-y cool smoke by over 300 degrees Now we got high and forgot to put this in the freezer This has only been in there for about 15 minutes. Still pretty fucking cold though. Still pretty fucking cold though. Pop this glit, but yeah, you know, the result is a bigger, smoother ice cold puff without the throat burner coughing attacks. What you just saw was not an attack.

That was merely a scoff skirmish and if we had had the pipe in for the entire hour as it states i would have been fine but like i said i got high fell asleep i was watching olympus has fallen with jarard butler and i didn't put the freeze pipe back until i was like oh fuck you know we got a record as i guess i got a smoke weed, because it's a part of my job.

So we popped it in real quick, and that's what I'm just kind of explaining. But don't you think for one second that this is not a superior product? Just clear the chamber. Yes, anyway, I love it, eldest loves it. We've mentioned it many times. I've gotten some nice feedback from, this is the most, the product that I've gotten the

most feedback on social media about people are loving the frees pipe. If you need, if you want to, you know, little fucking, and it's not just bonks, by the way, they got bubblers, they got little joint coolers, we should use one of those to show you motherfuckers how that goes. I even think they have a vape attachment. They'll just scroll down for me,

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That's defreezpipe.com and code stavi stavvvy for 10% off. Oh, Dan, I'm sorry. This is so rude. Do you want to hit the freeze pipe? Stave STA VBY for 10% off. Oh, Dan, I'm sorry. This is so rude. Do you want to hit the freeze pipe? You don't. You don't and you want me to put it away and change my shirt back? I guess you're being a little rude, but I'm going to instantly forget it. Thanks folks. I just took a really fat shit and we're back.

Yeah, Dan was holding my, he was coaching me through like LaMas class. One, two, three, here we go. Here we go. It's happening. Relax. Look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me, look at me. These are blue. Blowing. Blowing.

Aw. It's got my eyes. Oh, are you OK? Let me give you some ice chips. I'm not sure it's ice chips. Oh, fuck. All right, so yeah, good luck to our drunk friend and let's see what we got now, eldest.

Alright, so yeah, good luck to our drunk friend and let's see what we got now, Eldis. What's up, the star. What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed?

What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed?

What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? What's up, Ed? girl for her and the other day we're talking about sexual shit she bring us three films I said I never have one she has she said she'd be down but I can't fuck the girl which I really don't care about I can sit in the corner and play with my winner to be honest love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it love it weaning. I got it from St. Paul. And one of my friend groups, who I know is that three films, and I'm just wondering, feel like approaching her to, you know, whenever we all get together and drink her something, be like, hey, you think my girlfriend's pretty hot because she's five. And, uh, see where she goes from there. I don't know, I need your advice.

I really want to have a three-some, please help me. And thank you if you take my call, Patreon, and not, I'm subscribed. Oh, okay. Got to donate to the nation, baby. What a fucking hell. A real Florida trash checkin' out. Thank you.

I could sense that. I was feeling a little pain-handle trash. What's weird, the thing that's gonna stop me immediately is that he can't fuck the other girl. I know. So it's not a threesome. It's really, it's a thing. Is the juice worth the squeeze here?

Because now can you get head from her? Can you just not put it in her place? Sounds like there's a, I mean, honestly. If, listen, if I can suck on a titty and get my dick sucked by one girl, and then fuck a different girl, I'm okay. In fact, I've made a, I've talked about the three of them that have gone bad on stage

because they're funny. I had a pretty nice, I had a pretty nice one where I only fucked, I had fucked the one of them before. And she was like, you should hang out with my friend and me and I was like, hell yeah. And I fucked her friend and sucked on the other girls' tits. And by the way, my dick did let me down that day. It wasn't fully hard, but these girls were at masters. Like they were just, she, oh.

I need you to do, man. It was crazy, dude. It was like, oh, the head I got when my dick wasn't working. I was like Yeah, it was in the shine before the show That's what I was the noose I made when I came I was like I think this guy if he wants to I mean I love that he's like by the way totally cool sit in the corner Jack with my wiener. Yeah, so look he wants to tell that your girl was hook up with her and he wants to watch well Here's my question that cuz that's on paper. That's what he wants sure, but I don't think he has look Let's not put a let's not put a ceiling on it, right?

I like that. He'd sit on he would jack off of the corner, but he wouldn't mind He would he's willing to extend open with that that's how obama got fucked with universal health care he started half way probably try to play ball with the republicans no you take a hard line stance you end up in the middle ground pal so you're gonna fuck this you will now i will say though he's making a couple assumptions here right he said he has a friend he's friends with a girl that has had three sums before yeah but that's like saying hey there's a woman who's fucked guys before she might fuck me.

I think what you need to do, you need to take it down and I look, I love the enthusiasm. Well, what do you think I reckon I could do to get double sucked here, Stov? I think what you need to do is you need to you need to step back one Take it back one step, right? Your girls had three so before Has she been the initiator because she's a thing you have potentially The the secret weapon this whole thing which is her if you've got a hot girl. Quarterback, that could run. Oh my God. Yeah.

Exactly, dude. Fuck it. Yeah, you're a flimsy left tackle. Yeah. Who's letting the pass rush past him, but she's fucking it was. Oh, she steps up the pocket. Oh, next thing you know, you got an extra five seconds

on that floor. She's grabbed us a 19 yard fucking pickup, right? They're first down. In my opinion, you, like if she's interested, she's got to play some kind of role here, but it's so much easier for two-hot girls, two-bye girls to hit it off and want to fuck each other. And then you just have to then to continue the quarterback analogy

You now have to be the game manager. All you gotta do is you know what you feed the place. You're free Yeah, you yeah, in fact. Yeah, she's actually let's flip the she's the she's an incredible running back You just fucking hand or the ball letter do what's that don't fumble? Yeah, you can't fuck it up, right? If she approaches the girl who's had three sims and it's like hey I want to hook up with you and I want him to play with his wiener. Yeah, yeah, yeah, in the corner. She's like, okay, can you not call it wiener? No, that's part of it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I gotta jack the crank if you want me to do that. But this is, I think this is a feasible thing. I think it's very feasible. How do you approach it? It's the heist mentality. Absolutely. How do you approach it? It's the heist mentality. Absolutely. How do you pull it off?

And here's the thing. Let's say your girl isn't somebody who wants to do this, right? She doesn't want to, she doesn't want to take the lead. Then I think your assumption that just because your friend has had three years of him, she'll fuck you and your girl. Little strong. Take that back in notch and just kind of hang out. Pergotta. but God damn it

If this country wasn't built with the same dreamer than No, I'm not yes, I think you're thinking is I think it's American. It is American. Yes. Yes, go get it, dude And if you get double sucked just call in let us know how I went. Yeah, dude if you get mom a dog He's he's he's tried to clear manifest destiny on that No, take it receive it Check in That's good. They're comfortable. I'm checking. What if we can essentially store the weight and get it out of the way? Is this cool? Is this cool guys?

I don't feel comfortable with you moving forward. It goes, yeah, that's right. Okay, well, we're going to take this field down. I don't feel comfortable. For us, the hawk that looks at the bowl He thinks I am not comfortable You're on my hair Fuck yeah, dude

So just Getting the mix with them see what the vibes are like and just feel it out Yeah, you can go, you know, she's into three sums, but give it a feel out. You know, she, you know, she does surf and turf, right? Yeah. All right, now, this what else we got, buddy? Stubby, cut male here with two boys, and I decided why do that to them. So they're uncut. From my perspective, I don't know what I'm doing in terms of helping them mature and grow and clean and do all the

things they need to do. I could do some Googling and research, but I figured why not come to the to the uncut man himself. So any advice on how to help my kids take care of themselves. This is the premiere uncut podcast in the world, I would say. There is not a podcast with the ratio of uncut pride to listeners is this high. There's probably some freak somewhere that's all I love that you have fully begged up boys The whole team is fucking completely bagged. I mean, I'm telling you right now, as a card carry and fire helmet wear, got jobless. I bet you boys have some sensitive peckers. Yeah.

But, you know, it convertible, yeah, sometimes it does suck your driver convertible. But in the summer when the tops are down, the wind in your hair. The wind in your hair. Well, I can look right under my little George Washington wig. Yeah. The wind in your hair. Well, I can look right under my little George Washington wigs. I just pull my little fucking founding father away. Yeah, listen, sometimes you just gotta take the ski mask off it, dude.

That is cool though that you guys constantly have like a, like a jack in the box. Little shield. Little shield. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, look, there's, we've covered this many times on this podcast. Oh, whoa. Yeah. Um, yeah, I mean, look, there's, uh, we've covered this many times on this podcast.

You're going to want them to peel their little four skins back and clean underneath that very same George Washington haircut that Dan was just describing. It's called the Founding Follower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, get a K a the 1776. Mm hmm. Have a son of a six. Yeah, get a K a the 17 76 emphasis on the six. Yeah.

So peeling back nice some nice, you know, some gentle soap and in a warm bath, let the boys get used to peeling their little cockskin back because you know, that if you don't do it, you end up like me with a you know with with my dick that is a little too little too tight you want them to be someone between eldest he's all the way loose sock with it his dick is his foreskin is hanging off his dick you want him to force kids like a bad sock around the neck yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you want to be gold your children want to be Goldilocks you even think that you have to you do you have to or it can tighten up on you I have my shoes too tight. Mm-hmm, but I'm there, but I'm never going away with it. You would never cut it never I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I'm like a librarian. It would feel wrong, dude I wouldn't would feel wrong. You have feel wrong. Do you ever think about it? Never. I've never seen it. It's too tight.

It's too tight. I still bust. You know what I mean? It's just my dick. It's always like, and I, this has, this is covered on my special fat rascal. It's coming out. It's coming out.

From the Paramount in Austin. Paramount in Austin. There is a, no joke, the closing bit is about my, my fuck the penis. So then I go on to it. So no watching folks, you know, it's, I really, I really truly describe it in detail. That's, there it is. But you don't need a better place to go.

Yeah, that's why. I, that is this stuff, I never thought about that about a dad who is cut, telling us I'm cut boys. Like, and I respect this guy for breaking this genetic curse, for breaking the cycle, respect to you, returning them to nature. You know, giving them the life you never could have is a snipped freak.

Like my friend, Dan Sotar. Just chill on that. Ha ha ha ha. For, you know, some people don't like T-shirts with sleeves. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. No, you don't get to, still on that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that Hey, Stavvy and Eldis, return caller. My call's early on in the podcast. You guys really helped me out with some of my insecurities, my fiancee. I now recently married.

And another problem came up. Not having to do with my wife, but having to do with my best friend the day of my wedding. So it's already quick. We rented an Airbnb, really nice play, six bedroom, like five bathrooms, like pretty much a mansion on the water, spent a whole lot of money. Wake up the day of my wedding, my best friend had drunkenly pissed all over the tables, the floor, really just everywhere

Should clarify we try to keep a 105 pound rot wife Yeah, this is really is dog behavior This is all like look. It's one thing to get drunk It's I'm sure you've pissed in some hilarious places. You know, I had a roommate that used to do in college, he would take, he routinely would take his own dresser, open his own dresser and piss on his own clothes when he was blacked out. He did that no less than three times.

So, you see, have you ever seen the tweet? I think it's a, I haven't saved where, it's a little boy in a Batman costume. And the tweet is, it's just a picture. I think it's a meme, but someone said, oh, mom found the piss drawer. And he's got a bottom drawer filled with piss. And the kid is crying.

I think I haven't saved it. I haven't saved somewhere. I'm gonna find it. Well, I have, listen, being of that, I as a kid, my piss bottles were found by my mom. You're a piss bottle? I had a piss-gatorade bottle.

I'm not talking shit, FYI. I used to piss in the heating vent of my room. It was one of my jokes. I'm like, how many said so half hour? And it's completely true. I used to be so scared of the hallway. I just piss the heating vent for all the ground. Yeah.

That's awesome. And it heated up, you got piss fumes going? Yeah, the punchline was, I did it in the spring, and then winter came around and my mom turned on the heat, my room smelled like a bus stop in the middle of July. I'm still like hot piss. Oh fuck, all right, so anyway, this is crazy. I can't.

He wakes up, piss everywhere. I can't fathom. Because like I said, it's one thing to just piss yourself or piss in one place Yeah, but all over your drunk fucking shoot and you're dick around the Airbnb market is terrible. That's weird. All right keep going All this is everywhere We tried to keep it hushed in want my wife to find out the day of her wedding didn't want my wife to find out uh... day of her wedding uh...

we cleaned everything up we we hit it she eventually found out she no longer wants to associate with my friend i don't blame her and he's always kind of been like all the right kind of a full anti-traumatic all the stuff but anyway how do i do with that now

now he he he he he's like we oh, you're a dick, you don't talk to me anymore. And I really don't really want to be friends with him anymore. You're fun. He is my best friend from childhood. So kind of pushing a shitty situation. And it doesn't help at all that he kind of just, he doesn't think him pissing everywhere is a big deal. That's his first thing. thing i just got a little drunk and i picked everywhere and then that's made you guys clean it up the next day yeah what do you think about that they're in late and bad and didn't say anything uh... we didn't even know it was just picked the time of

uh... what until another one of my friends with witness to happen woke up and told us what happened so anyway i'm sorry if i ran to a little bar, but this is one of the most, I mean, you're out. You're out. Yeah. There's no, there's no redeeming qualities. Not one thing you've told me about this guy. Nothing. You said he, because you're from childhood, guess what? You're not kids anymore. Yeah, and you had to be, you had to be friends with them because you were either at the same school or lived in the same area.

You're an adult, you pick your friends as an adult. Dude, this is crazy. Get the fuck out of here. You know what I said? Guys that dickhead, the guy pisses everywhere, doesn't think it's a big deal. There's so much, I mean dude, let's count. Guys, a fucking loser.

Let's count the, there's about six, maybe five or six things, that on their own are like make him disqualified as a best friend, right? On their own, it's crazy to be like, have a best friend that's like, and you know what, these Jews. I know, it's like, first of all,

I don't know, I don't know. First of all, all right, anti-Semitic. You don't want that to be your friend, right? Like in a way that's not, he's not making a joke. Well, he's also not gonna make a sit-you, and listen, I'm a political, but what I'm telling you is, just that description means he's going to make situations uncomfortable.

Yeah. Liberal people do it too, but not as awkward as all right. People being like, you've fucked up my freedoms. And you're like, no one brought that up. Kurt, no one brought that up. He's like, fucking stolen. I mean, Kurt. And no one brought that up, he's like, fucking stolen, you're like, I mean, look, I'm totally with you and God knows there are plenty of fucking liberal, like left tattletails

that are very fucking annoying. But it's just like, sometimes when someone is like, kind of flirting with even violent shit, it makes it a little worse. Fuck out of the shit. I don't give a fuck if he is, you know, exclude that. And also it's like this motherfucker pissed everywhere.

Well, it's pretty okay. And then did not think he was a big deal and did it help you clean it up? Right, right. Oh, Ben, he should have been apologizing as he cleaned up. Here's, let's go through the slide at what he did. Let's go through the list, right?

He's supposed to be. He's supposed to be better be six. Here are my bullet points, absolutely. Now look, whatever you want to say about it, to me, I'll write anti-Semitic, and you've grown apart, and he's had these fucked up views that you don't agree with, whatever those views may be,

that's a bullet point right there, right? You don't owe a childhood friend anything. Nothing. Me and Elton, let's see, pull you out of a river. Yeah, yeah, yeah, a bullet point right there, right? You don't owe a childhood friend anything. Nothing. Me and Elle, this is pulled you out of a river. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he save your life? Then he got to hear his takes on Israel. Yeah.

Which never mind. And then, so then Elle, it's like me and Elle's situation is like the rare. You very, how many people, how many people do you know that have been friends since they were kindergarten and they're still friends It doesn't happen for a reason people grow apart. So that's number one Doesn't pissed all over Even if he was just just that with no more context on your wedding day

It makes him it qualifies him for getting cut off not being profusely apologetic cut off, not being profusely apologetic, then doubles down on that, lying about it, not taking, not fessing up, not trying to like imagine you wake up, you're like, oh my God, what I do at piss, you would be, dude, I'm so sorry, you would be fucking poppin, I'll pay for the maribba, you're calling a mage service, you're like, if that happened to me, I would be doing all this shit, right? Not a, okay, so all that, that's like three things in and of itself. Doesn't apologize. Doesn't apologize. Doesn't think it's a big deal. Doesn't think it's a big fucking deal. Doesn't apologize.

That's four things right there. And then not even going to the thing of like, okay, that's stuff he did to you. He did all that to your fucking wife. And it's her wedding day. That's another thing. That's like, somebody should be fucking with your wife, dude. This guy thinks, this guy calls him a dick. He's like, you're being a dick.

You're like, do you are the definition of a dick? Yes. Yes, yeah, you penis was literally sprouting juice on my wedding. On my, in my airbnb, the morning of my wedding. I mean, you had to clean up piss to start your wedding day. The only way, here's the thing, I will venture so far as to say that the way,

you can cut them off right now. The only way I would even consider letting someone like this kind of back into your life is he apologizes in a genuine way. Not in like, he sees that you're pissed at him so he gives you a half-hour apology. Someone would have to apologize. Then apologize for not cleaning up and pretending

he didn't do it and be like, I don't know, I was just drunk and hung over. I don't know what I was thinking. I'm so ashamed of myself. He would have to personally apologize and make it up to my wife if I'm you. And then he would have to reimburse you for any kind of cleaning, fees fees or whatever you fucking took on

and then make it up to you with like a nice gesture, like a gift or something and even then it's up to you and your wife to decide whether you want to accept that. No, no. This guy's a piece of shit too. The only way you're going to get that guy back in your life is if he has a Christmas carol or a, it's a wonderful life experience where an angel shows them what it's like and then he comes back he's like I didn't mean it I didn't mean to be so over the place Why I'm sorry

Yeah Jesus Christ Jesus Christ I didn't mean it I didn't mean to piss all over your house I'm ashamed of who I was Give me a shot I love you

That's right I was in the bow rings A friend apologized Fuck that guy this guy fucking socks get out This is one of the biggest pieces of shit. I've ever heard described to me get him again out of there Bro, you don't know this fucking guy and yeah, guess what? He's gonna be like whoa. You're being a dick. No, he's a huge change man because that's what these fucking losers do If someone's a pretend you're the problem. Yes, it probably means they have it. Yeah, they say you've changed in a way that's supposed to make like to make you feel good. Yeah, they're a piece of shit. I mean that guy just sounds like a fucking dog shit. Every detail about this guy.

I mean, it's like, you know what though though, we were in the Marines together, and he saved my life in Fallujah, and you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, well, it's piss. It's, you know, it's clean. The kid in the middle of time. Dude, even then, he would have to apologize. Yeah. Even the guy who saved your life would have to apologize. Yeah, John J. Rambo would have to apologize. Oh my god, this guy stinks, dude. This is crazy. Yeah, fuck this guy. Next question, eldest, this guy's fucking, this is crazy. Yeah, fuck this guy. Next question, Eldis. This guy's fucking sucks.

He's pissing me off. Peace, don't off, hey Eldis, hey guest. Love the show. Long time, first time. My problem is that I am a 21 year old guy. He's probably not a guy who isn't loved with a 27 year old non-binary cellist. It is a master's student at the school

that I have an undergrad at. They are in their last year of a master's. I'm in my second class year of undergrad. We hang out all the time. We text each other all day. We send each other memes. We make each other laugh all the time. We'll share a joint after class, at least once a week.

We take the same bus home from campus or write the bus together, at least once a week, we take the same bus home from campus or write the bus together, at least once a week. We just relate to each other on so many things in terms of like lifestyle and aspirations. We're both from the Midwest and we're studying in the East Coast. We have the same taste in everything. Food, movies, art, music, play. They're a cellist who specializes in contemporary classical music and I'm a composer of contemporary music. I get a ton of mutual friends who are around their age. This person is perfect for me. They put my personality so well and they're so hot. The problem is that I have, like I told a mutual friend of ours who is about the cellist age, about my crush and the mutual

friend told the cellist over the summer without my knowledge. And the cellist response was essentially, oh yeah, it's so cute, but the age gap according to my mutual friend. However, ever since the summer, the cellist and I have gotten the closest we've ever been, we taught more now. We hang out one-on-one more now. They're always willing to make time to hang out. Outside of school, I invite you to think.

I'm sorry, I'm in love. We've kind of known for a lot. This is the length of a head. But the length of it's always just been super friendly. I don't know what to do here. I haven't been in a serious relationship since high school, so I have no idea how I approach it. Oh man.

So I maintain this friendship? No. I wonder what it is. Of course not. No, you got to remember that. No, the answer. You know that. That's why he's told it's a long on the message.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's even tamed with us. He's just like boxing when they wrap up each other. He can't down the clock. He's just grabbing on. He's like, so I don't know. I think we're in line. Yeah.

Doggy lover and they, you love them and they don't love you. Well, we don't know though. We don't know that. We don't know that you're right. We don't know. That's the thing. You got to take the shot here. Take the shot.

This is the exact same call as the alcoholic who was asking us to green light him. This guy wants us to green light him. There's differences. There's differences in the friends home. No, no, no, he wants, I think he needs, he needs a push to be, uh, to actually act on this, right? Everything you've said, and look, man, you're a bit of a late bloomer here, right? I've, I so relate to this. I was in the exact same situation when I was in college,

where I didn't fuck, like I was always a guy who, like I had no social anxiety, I was always fun, I was always good at parties, all that stuff. But I was anxious when it came to women. So it would be like there'd be women that I could have hooked up with, but I would push you out at the last second, or I would like, you know,

and I really didn't have anything going on. And then there was, I hooked up with one girl freshman year, and then I was on a fucking like, or maybe two, but it was like still. After that freshman year, it was like, drought. And then I befriended this girl my junior year, and we had, and she's dating someone at the time, and we have like just one of those long ass friendships

where it's like, you're in love. And yeah, I'm fully in love with her, all this kind of stuff. Now, I eventually acted on it, and it was really messy. And she was, first she was like, no, I'm in a relationship. Then it was kind of like, let me see what I can do. And then there was a period where I felt like

I was getting cheated on with her boyfriend because I had said before you say anything, it's not on them, right? But after you say something and there was like, so anyway, now I ended up dating this girl for a little bit, it was good for me. We probably ended up like in hindsight, that was so messy that there's no way something

like really good comes out of something like that. But you don't have the mess element of it. You just have, and I was also a coward. Like I should have made the move faster, right? Well, it's a hard move to make. So you can't get down on yourself for making that move, but this guy needs to make that move. Well, that's what I'm saying.

His life is becoming a change. No, that's what I was trying to get to is that like my life basically changed when I did that because it took me from a guy who was too scared to a guy that now from then on and I was like, one way or another, I was like, either I date this girl who I'm in love with or I stood up for myself and I'm like, and now I can fucking seize the day, right? And that's what you need to do, pal. Getting the pill.

And I've also, to a point where this happened to me or later on where a girl I dated in Baltimore, we had kind of the same thing going, we hung out one time and I was just like, I'm gonna try and kiss her. I just feel the vibes. And we made out and it was awesome. And then the next day she was like, hey, I just wanna be friends.

And then I was like, you know what? I do not want that. I really like you, but that's just not what I'm looking for. And then she was like, she took a day, she thought about it. And then we dated for like four months. And it was sick. You know what I mean?

And it was like, it really helped me because I was a timid coward all growing up. Sure. And when you rip that bandaid off, it's so it is very hard. I had to like psych myself up for it. And he's gonna have to do the same. And you were gonna have to do the same. But I am telling you, this is a pivotal moment in your life where how you act here, legitimately could change the rest of your life. And I feel the positive. For the positive, either way. Even if it's negative. Acting, yes, even getting rejected.

And now come right now. It can lead to more positive behavior because you're willing to take a shot. Because from now on you have to, when you feel this way about somebody, you have to make a shot. And look, they might reject you. They might, you know, the age gap thing, whatever,

you're 20, she's 21, 27. That's fun. They're, you know, the age gap thing, whatever, you're 20, she's there. 21, 27, that's fun. They're 22, 21, you're 27, it's like, you know. No, 27, he's 21. No, no, he's 21. He's 21, they're 21. Oh, she's 21. He's 21, they're 27, sorry.

Oh, I had a conflict with the lift. Do it, do it. Oh, take the shot, call it in. Take the shot. Oh, especially if you're 21, 22. Do it. This is big for you, call it in. Take the shot. Oh, especially if you're 20, 122. Do it. This is big for you, buddy. Yeah.

You feel this way about somebody, and look, they might say no, that's fine. Now the rest of your life starts. Then you find somebody else, and by the way, I think after you do this, you do have to kind of draw a boundary and be like, I need a little time. And you might think to yourself, okay, I can be friends with this person. Yeah. Sometimes that happens.

Sometimes you take the time and you realize, I like them too much. This will destroy me to be their friend as they date other people. But sometimes you take the time and you're like, yeah, I can be their friend. So after you take the shot, hopefully it goes your way if it doesn't, then you take a little time

to reflect about how you feel. And there's not, and just, this is a great opportunity for you to practice honesty with another person. Also setting boundaries. Yes, absolutely. So, you gotta do it. You can do it.

And then call in, let's know how it works. You gotta do it, and you gotta let us know how it works. I, yeah, this is sick, dude. You know what, I'm happy for you because either way, this is a big moment for you. And I want you to free yourself. That's the exact age of 20, well, I think I was 20 actually, but still,

right around that time is when I freed myself of all my no getting pussy demons. Go get your yo-yo, ma, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go yo-yo their ma. Go yo-yo their ma. Oh, good. Good. did place another

little dis with the last day was up stock in health and was up to the guest uh... stop before getting to it well that you come through the bay area this year but you said you did work here you're free to get your dick stuff to some

didn't we go to the point? I was like, one sandwich. I was like, oh, it's a big bag. I was like, oh, it's a big bag. So I went to golf deck or anything like that. You guys talk a lot about how much you enjoy shrooms. So, someone who's never done it before and wants to try him, what do I need to know? A little background on myself.

Late 20s, never really done psychedelics or anything like that. I was, I don't know, I was suboring straight edge Christian kid growing up. Didn't drink till I was 21. Nothing wrong with that. Didn't start smoking till I was older too. So yeah, want to give, want to give sure you have some of the other fun stuff to try. But I really have no idea where to start. And yeah, what do I need to know? Any little tips or tricks for a shroom version like that?

Like me. Yeah, it's crazy. Anyway, I love the show. What about you guys who are doing? Hope to hear from you all soon. Thank you. You're so easy. What do you think, and Danny?

Well, this guy's never done him. Max, he should's never done him. Maxie should take his two grams. Max. Do you not do a full eight yet? Definitely not. If you got the money, go get an Airbnb out in nature. Yeah. Take a couple friends, do it with friends that you like.

You really like? And you in the lead like. And you genuinely are in a good mood. Yeah, and you also should bring a friend that has done it before Because people that have walked the path will know that you go up fast and you come down slow But to come down slow is the best part. That's awesome. The go up is the scary part. I look I like the go up But yeah Here's the thing I like to go up to yeah, but but they go it can it can freak you out here. This is

This is the analogy I use for all my friends that have never done mushrooms before. It's the ride At the carnival where you're in the two seats and they pull you back And then they shoot you up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There are gonna be people that pass out on the look But just know that when you go up there There are going to be people that pass out on the look. Yeah. Really? No. But just know that when you go up there, you get a view of life that you didn't have before where you're like. It really is true. And then you go back down and then you come back up and you're scared again, but then

you're like, oh, yeah, we're just organisms. Yeah, yeah. And then you go back down and then that's your first trip. If you smoke cigarettes, bring two packs. Two packs. Two packs. If you want to get higher drink orange juice, if you want to stop and kind of hit the brakes, drink milk.

Interesting. Do it on a full stomach. I would say eat it. People like the tea. I don't like the tea. I like eating them. Tea will hit you faster and go way faster, too. Sure. But I like, yeah, eating them is better.

These are all, I mean, you're nailing it in terms of like, just sage advice. I haven't done them in about four years, so I'm due. Oh, you're due. I'm due for an ego death. Sounds awesome. Yeah, everything Dan said is absolutely correct. Why don't we share, why don't we trade mushroom stories here

for, I will tell you the first time I ever did mushrooms was it was in Amsterdam and it was, they have like, they have the wet ones, right? Like they have the fresh ones, they're not dried out. And the dosage is a little different and I had taken some and I wasn't feeling it and my friend wasn't feeling it, so I took more, right, the classic moves.

Classic. And I had kind of given up on it. I was like, I guess it didn't really work for me. Yeah. Like this kind of sucks. And Amsterdam is a, have you been to Amsterdam? It's fucking awesome. Great bike riding city.

And great city in general. Great city, great city, one of my favorite cities. I mean, I could, it is one of those, I actually could see myself living there, legitimately, yeah, 100%. I don't think I probably ever will, but everyone speaks English. It's so easy to get around, there's so much culture,

it's a fucking cool, like such a great place. Anyway, we're me and my buddy are on this bike. I'm with, you know, my best friend from college, we're taking this little Euro trip together. We're heading a bike ride through the canals, throw it, kicks in in the middle of this bike ride. I'm looking at nature, I'm looking at this beautiful nature, but I'm also in a city and I'm a big city guy.

These beautiful like fucking Dutch women are riding their bikes around this. It's like, and it's, it, it just hit me so hard. these beautiful like fucking Dutch women or riding their bikes around us. It's like, and it just hit me so hard, and I'm on the come up on this bike ride. It's like a 40 minute bike ride. The blast off phase, my first ever blast off phase was on a fully on a bike.

Crazy. And I was just like, I was like, this is, I'm imagining my life in Amsterdam. Oh yeah. That's like you're a little there. Yeah, honestly, yeah dude, I was like, I'm coming, my life in Amsterdam. I'm like I Was like I'm coming I'm putting a little bag get in my little I'm coming on my wife's oh your weird European wife. Yeah, I'm a country that we even know about oh my god Yeah, yeah, yeah, who's so open sexually and just like Yeah, your date in the bitch for pull fiction

Did she just left the three of them? Yeah, the bitch from Pulp Siction. Oh, I want to. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh my God, that was the, I mean, dude, I, that bike ride was the, maybe the best 40 minutes of my life. And then the come down where we had to like,

it was so weird, we had to return, we rented the bikes. And we had to return them. And I'm just sitting there at a park watching, you know when you see the trees start doing shit. Yeah, you realize we're all connected. Oh my God, dude I mean fully such a beautiful. I had no expectations. I'm on vacation. My mind is blank I'm not that I'm having a great time and now I will also share my most recent mushroom ship, which was not as good. Not for any reason, not for anybody fault. We were, we did them together. This is in Greece. And so my most recent vacation. And I'm in an ideal situation. I'm with my best friends. We are in a gorgeous beach. Like with our own little area. If we want something,

there's a waiter, but they don't bother you on these like beach chairs. It is set up, but I honestly did realize in that moment, it's so funny how much, how many major life things, mushrooms have helped me raise. Made me date a girl years ago, because I was on mushrooms and a tree is telling me, I love her.

That's a lot. You know what I mean? I don't know if I believed that tree. Well, he was partially right. I mean, I don't know if it was the best advice. No, it was good. I love that relationship I learned a lot. I love that person's great, but on this one I'm in the best situation you could possibly be in gorgeous great weather gorgeous beach and I am having a horrible time Because I'm realizing I'm having that like What's the it's like I'm having the mushrooms are what's the, it's like, I'm having,

the mushrooms are basically being like, dude, you don't like your life. You're working too hard, you're not enjoying any of this, you're getting less, how, you're, each time you sacrifice your health for your career and that, where does that end? And literally, it was fucked up, like in that moment, I didn't feel great, but it was,

it was actual shit I needed to hear. And after that, now I push my next, I was gonna start touring in fucking February, dude. And then I was like, no, the mushrooms were right. The mushrooms on the beach on my grandfather's island were right. And by the way, oh, fuck, dude, I didn't even realize how full circle this is.

I bought the mushroom in Amsterdam from the same shop. They were the same brand of mushrooms. You got your brand. You got your brand. I didn't even put this together until right now. Some people are guardian angels. Some people are in angels. You have a brand of mushrooms.

You're like, I know to seek you. I'm thunder fuck. I'm here to lead you. Oh, dude. It was, so, but my point also to say I say that to say for your first one You want it to be fun lighthearted. You don't want to be feeling weird because they will detect that man They will I don't think you can't really You can't really decide

How you're gonna feel put yourself put yourself in a place where you can feel anything and it'll be okay. For a better point, yeah, yeah. Expect, you know, prepare for the worst hope for the best. Well, I was really, I guess my point is like, it's like an overarching thing, dude. It's not like a mood thing.

Well, you're talking to yourself conscious. Every time you do it, you're like, shit comes to the top that you're like, oh, I thought I had, I was sitting on that for a while. Totally. Mushrooms are really, I mean, there's a reason they're starting to be used to help depression and shit. There's like a lot that can be done, but as far as your

first time, control the environment, control who you're with, and have fun. Absolutely. Absolutely. Smoke, and if fun. Absolutely. Absolutely. Smoke, and if you smoke weed or cigarettes. Weed on the way down, so awesome. Weed all the time. Yeah.

There's nothing like at the very tail end of it to just get so stoked. So I did an Amsterdam, I did truffles. Yes. Which? I think that's what I did. They go up faster and they come down faster. Yeah, it's not what I'm talking about because when I first did mushrooms the first time I ever did mushrooms on 16 years old And I did it with my friend Brian Tannenbaum who's the smartest person I've ever met my life to this day

And he had done it and he was like my Sherpa And so as I ate him at 16 he was like it's gonna go in your stomach. Yeah, your eyes are gonna get the you know Yeah, light's gonna go in your stomach. Yeah. Your eyes are gonna get, you know, the light's gonna change. The shadows are gonna change. And then you're gonna start thinking you know everything. He's like, but then, you know, he's like, just chill out. And everything did, so you'll be fine.

That's awesome. I think I didn't realize how late it was. Oh yeah, dude, we're done, sorry. That was probably the last question we're gonna do. We just, we just, we just, we just, we just, I looked at it at the clock, I was like, Oh, you wait for something, I'm fine. No, We just I looked at it at the clock. I was like, are you late for something? I'm no, but I just didn't know.

For some reason I was like high and I was like, it's like 445. You got here at four. I was like, 605. We're rolling, brother. So far to tell. Yeah, flew by like 15 minutes. That's right. I know the so you're're the best man. Thanks for coming on the pod Listen to soda listen to the podcast watch my special hell yeah, watch dude fat rat. I love it Thank you. Thank you. I ask such a good thing. Thank you brother. Go see Dan on the road. You torn in December

Yeah, I'm doing when we got coming up Paramount theater in Philadelphia. Oh, yeah, and Late show at the Vogel in Red Bank. Oh, that's nice So Vogel and Red Bank on Friday Saturday at the Paramount and Philly love it Maybe tickets available. I hope they're not yeah By the time this comes out of Not available and then just see Dan on the road one I mean truly one of the best in the business.

The fucking pot is gonna be fucking killer. Yeah, go support Dan, see the special, and thanks guys, we'll see you next time, bye-bye. you