Stavvy's World - #61 - Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: January 29, 2024

Ari Shaffir returns to the pod to discuss the moment he decided to not become a rabbi, getting hustled in a bar in Thailand, difficult complex questions that no religion can can really quite answer, and much more. Ari and Stav help callers including a guy whose friend refuses to pay him back for his admission to a bathhouse that he deemed gay, and a guy considering re-infiltrating the family of his ex who probably cheated on him. Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy See Ari Shaffir live! Buy tickets at https://www.arishaffir.com/ Watch Ari Shaffir's standup special "Jew": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y2YtIBYM4w0 Follow Ari Shaffir on social media: https://www.arishaffir.com/ https://www.instagram.com/arishaffir https://www.youtube.com/c/arishaffir Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 

Oppa! Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. We have a great episode for you. Ari Saphir is on this episode straight from the Slopes. And I want to remind you, we are almost out of calendars. The year has begun. You can still get your beautiful Stavi Baby official 2024 calendar on sale on our store right now. And uh... What's that? Uh-oh. Seems like we're making a lot of sales on our store that's right you know why

because we use Shopify folks we've been using Shopify for years and now is your turn to start using it too sign up for one dollar per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Stavi all lowercase go to Shopify.com slash Stavi, STAVBY now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in Shopify.com slash Stavi, S-T-A-V-V-Y. Now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Stavi.

Let's start the show, Eldis. Opa! Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's world. 9-0-4, 800 stuff. What a beautiful January day. Me and Ari just hit the slopes. Yeah, dude. He's still dressed for it, I had to get out. You already jumped in the hot tub.

I already jumped in the hot tub. Elders rubbed me down. My quads were all fucking sore from just hitting, just changing directions, you know? But Elders rubbed me down. When I came back, there was a heavy rubdown going on. That honestly must feel so good to be in the fight. Hit the slopes, come down, get in the hot tub, and get a happy ending massage. But it's got to be a good massage.

Dude, that's all the advice I got from my happy ending people. You have those. You know the massage, though. You're going to hear a lot of where to go, what not to go. And the rule is any place with a lock on the door is not a real massage place. What business in the world keeps you out besides diamonds? Yeah, that's true.

Well, they don't want you stealing their ancient oriental techniques. Are you gonna hear this relaxing music for free? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he was like, yeah, get the happy ending, but you got 30 minutes before. Minimum. Okay, interesting. Get that massage, bro.

I feel it, yeah, I mean, look, I think what we need to do is get actual physical therapists who are cool. Who are cool. And they'll jack you off. Get Chris DiStefano, former PT guys, rub you down and jack you off, you know? Yeah. Let him get his nails done.

Because really, you put the massage to be better. The jack of almost anybody could do. Right. Yeah, you're right. The jack of is uptown. You know how to do it. Yep, yep. So, all right, this is our new business model.

We buy, we go, we set up shop in a ski town in a ski resort I don't love it and then we get a resort and then we offer Hot tubs rub downs jackoffs all in one hot tubs rub downs jackoffs And that's there's a big blinking sign. Yeah In a whistler pa What was the one in mar that wrote Liberty, something? That was so ice. Ski Liberty?

Ski Liberty. Yes, I never went. I'm actually, guys you're gonna not believe this, but I was joking. We actually did not go skiing. Harry just decided to dress like this to really highlight the January vibes. You are a skier, you're an accomplished,

or not an obfuscator accomplished, but you like doing it. I've broken multiple bones. Yeah, you probably suck at it, but you take ski trips. I know that. You know what's the best and the worst is Ian Fydance. Get outta here.

He's not good and he bombs. Wow. And bombs, this is the one time in Ian's life, bombing is good. This is the thing, he happens, the God, bombing is so in Ian's DNA. That if you find a thing where bombing is good, he'll be good at that.

Sweet, oh I've already got practice in this. Yeah. We saw like one of the pit viper guys and he was like one ski, like one up, and we were like wow, that's crazy. And Ian's like I'll try it. I'll do it. And he skied like four times.

That's hilarious. And he's up with one fucking fucking leg smoking a cigarette with no helmet Oh this blur out Ari's huge bowls when when he next time he raises I'm not trying to get I mean we're already demonetized because we pretty much started this episode talking about opening up an illicit sex parlor illicit massage sex parlor We've got a retired juice old penis money in the Pampers parlor Yeah, that's very interesting. Yeah, I've never been I think I would love tubing to land down and go down Let like sledge. Never dude. I've never done any kind of snow. They have that activity whatsoever Just gonna yeah whew.

Yeah. But I'm worried, because there's Bobby's story. I'm also fat as hell, and I wonder, I have to well, you know, that's true. I'm worried about going too fast down, and Bobby has that story about how he broke his back or whatever. Because he's like.

In front of his son. Yeah, yeah. Do you know this, Elvis? He had a horrible son, wouldn't know he's a fat failure. Bobby took Max when he were like when he was like little he was like maybe four or five I don't remember and he was like we're gonna go make memories you know and they go they go tubing and and I think I think Max went first I don't

remember but Bobby goes down the thing and it's not rated for someone as fat as him velocity. He blows past the the safety measure, goes up and just slams himself. And I don't remember what the injury was, but he- He flew, dude. He got air. Send it! Yeah, he got sendied. And he had to pretend to not be injured so his son wouldn't lose respect for him.

He was like, okay, okay. And then later at the hospital, he was like, you're definitely not okay multiple cracked ribs Yeah Definitely not a walk it off kind of thing damn next time he's on we gotta we have to get him to recount that so that I Had never thought about the downs. That was the first time. I was like maybe being fat isn't good, you know That's the first thing I thought that's the only thing I'm gonna avoid That's the only negative they serve. That's the only thing you gotta avoid. Yeah, going too fast. That's the only negative part. They serve you first at any restaurant.

Right. You always get shotgun growing up, and everyone's resentful. Shotgun, yeah. But they're like, look, this does make the most sense, but it's fucked up that he gets to do it every time. People on planes will ask to switch away from you, leaving it open next to sea.

If you're on Southwest, it's awesome except for the 5%'re on Southwest, it's awesome, except for the 5% of the time where it's a complete full flight, brutal stuff. This was both a mark of success and a deep failure when I was on a Southwest flight. And I hadn't flown Southwest in a while, and I did the rookie move of going exit row.

Because you know, a middle exit row is still valuable in Southwest. And it was a pretty full flight. It was like, there's maybe like a handful of empty seats so fat that no one sat next to me even in the exit row. And so it was a very comfortable flight but I was like, damn, I gotta get it together. But God did get me back because

even though he was a very nice guy, the guy sitting next to me was a podcast fan. And so it was like, I did have to talk about, you know, if you've ever been hunting with Rogan before. I did have to like answer a couple questions like that, but he was a very sweet guy. But you know, when you're on a plane, you just want to be on an edible and play some stupid game on your phone.

I've been hunting with Rogan. Yeah, he literally, because I think, yeah, he thought. And it's like, I was on the show once, man. Like, he's probably were best friends. He doesn't think. He's punching if you know what I mean. He's like, what do you mean? Like, no, I'm making it up.

Nothing, really. Nothing. I guess if you really thought about it, the closest thing I'd come up with is he oils me up, and then he tries to hit me with a suction cup arrow. That's what pig hunting would be. That's how I got on. he made me grease me up? You could put a little fucking hog nose on me

I just love it's like that's the hunt beginning and you're like where's my weapon though? You think you got on cuz we like your comedy You're the fattest comedian we know. He's antlers on you. Yeah. Yeah, why do you think Tim Dylan's such a recurring guest? He's one of the finest hogs we have Yeah, Tim's smoking a cigar he's like I've graduated now. It's your turn to be the hog It's like bad news. They fuck the hog at the end That's not fair, he likes it. I'm straight.

He's like, I like fucking Twinks, not getting fucked. All right, point taken. Sorry, I'm just going to do the rest of the podcast. My one man show of the hog hunt. You're a terrible impression to Rogan. No, that was Tim Dillon. Alec Baldwin was Tim Dillon. No, I can't Joe Rogan being gay Rogan. No, no, that was Tim Dillon. Oh, oh, oh, that is better Tim. Alec Baldwin was Tim Dillon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I can't do Rogan. I was like, Tim, that's a bad Rogan impression. No, I was doing Tim. Tim was pretty dead on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was kind of wrong, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm like, this is my Joe Rogan impression.

Oh, you are doing the honk. Oh, I can do that too. I was like, oh, we hold for happy old days. It's me, Jerrogan. Come on and enjoy the hunt. But yes, yeah, too fat for the Southwest exit row. That's tough, man. Too fat for Southwest.

That's tough. That's your autobiography. Yeah. Although apparently they're letting fat people get two seats, which I think is a big win for fat rights. Yeah, it will piss people off so much which I love Can we have a new character called fat rife? Fat rife? You could argue that basically is me Our careers are pretty similar I'm essentially his like we're like the yin and yang of like hot guy fat guy All you two, eventually Netflix takes notice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm essentially his like, we're like the yin and yang of like hot guy, fat guy. And there's other advantages. If you're hot, you get a bigger audience, but if you're fat, you get like people who actually like comedy and not like, you know. What appears to be Milfs and like young women that want to fuck him, you know? He had plastic surgery you desperately need life Yeah, you were to pick who needed to be under the knife between us you would have never guessed him Yeah, dude, I'm excited. Yeah, I want to do a whole series of characters of comedians like with one fake, and then it just tells the whole impression after that. My first one was Crystal Leah.

Okay. It's a female pedophile. Oh, yeah! Nice penis, you 16-year-old. Wow, are you on the lacrosse team? Just DMing a fucking, a lax bro. Does she mean like 48, and she'd be like, do you have like 26 year olds? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come get that sugar mama. Yeah, yeah, that's the highest ends, 26. That's Crystal Lea, who else we got? Crystal Lea, Fat Rife. Fat Rife, Bobby, what can we do with Bobby Lee? Oh yeah, we can do Bobby Lee, it's a... Something so... Oh I know, Moby Lee, put him in it and make an I know mobby Lee put a minute making it I'm gonna show you a penis you can't refuse

my pizza and I'll show the pizza this is good we're really crushing it on the improv today. Yeah, put all those people on the fucking thumbnail. Fuck dude. Yeah, I've never I'm a mix of you. Have you gone skiing this winter? Are you plan have any plans? Yeah, what's your last ski trip? We didn't be able to do a comedian ski trip this year. We couldn't get it together. I'm pissed, but I got beaver creek I'm doing a few days, and I'm going to Denver for like two two weeks of the fucking the comedy works comedy works They're like move to the theater. I'm like, nah place fucking rules I'd rather be there. Awesome. So I'll go skiing for a couple there is there

I respect that so just a couple days of skiing and then you're just a little show on shows of the best club Yeah working on stuff Yeah, but just that's what a fucking fun crowd that is. Yeah. It's just like. No, I love comedy works, man. And you know what? The downtown room's awesome.

I really like the one in the burbs. Really? I do, because it's set up like a little theater. Yeah, true. And it's got the positives of a theater, but it's close to you like a club. Or it's like some of these theaters, man, you don't even feel like you're doing stand up really. You feel like you're doing kind of like it's set up for opera

You know what I mean? It's a strange thing in comedy now where people are intentionally doing worse shows. Yeah more money Yeah, the the arena shows literally no fan That's been to shows at an arena and a club prefers the arena no chance dude You're like you're just going like I want to prove I can do it. Yeah yeah yeah and I get listen if it's MSG yeah play MSG once I get there. Once you know what I mean. When they come back they do it again they love that money. Yeah. Danny Brown says comedy is going through a brag phase and it's pretty disgusting because it doesn't go with comedy in any way. It goes with rap. That's a good point that's a good point. We're supposed to be self deprecating instead. We're like, check it out. You gotta be a loser.

I'm doing this. It's all fucking rapper shit. Believe me, yeah, I get that. I'll put, listen, I think a theater is cool, but I do think at the time where it stops, theaters, you can still connect the crowd. You just have to do a little more work on it. Clubs just feel more natural, but you're right.

There is, I do think the brag thing, it will collapse in on itself. It's going to. Because this isn't why, why? Well, I think it's just, yeah, a little bit is like the quality just drops off and you have to, you have to work really hard to keep that quality up. And I think some people probably do and then, you know, it's, but even that it's like that affects your ability to then be creative because you have to worry about just doing a good show. Yeah. You can't fuck around. You can't fuck around, you can't do your bits.

You can't like, and then also I just think like that's the natural order of things. Like things build too fast. Yeah, boom collapse. It feels like, because I heard, you know, like you'd already been doing comedy when I was started. I mean, big amazing racist fans in my house. That was the subtle nuanced comedy me and my brothers

were into when we were teenagers. This gives us free boat ride back to Africa. Not that one, the Asian one. The Chinese restaurant was awesome. Remember the Chinese, we literally watched that in my childhood bedroom, me and Eldest. Nice, it was sweet. But like, and we will stop, sorry to the listeners,

I'm doing the thing I promised I would never do on this part. I guess we just talk about comedy, but very quickly, we'll move on, we'll talk about Ari's penis, how he didn't get it sucked, because he was going to be a rabbi. That's good. I've been meaning to ask him about that. We didn't get to it on the Patreon last time.

But just, yeah, I just think like, I heard of like a boom in comedy coming up everyone talked about it And I was like that feels weird because the rest of my entire the close thing to a boom was like when You know like I don't know Like I remember like the comedians of comedy and like you know people were doing kind of like posse groups and doing theaters And that was kind but people were still just working clubs, whatever. People talking about the 80s when it was like, you could just be a shitty comic in Boston and just make 40, like 80 grand a year or whatever.

I was like, that can't be possible. And it does feel like we're living through that a little bit, except just like everything else in America, inequality has gone up. So it's really just the rich get richer. Sort of, yeah. But I do see, I sometimes I'll follow a venue that I performed at, so that I'm just like, I forgot to unfollow them.

So you see who's coming up. And it's just a bunch of like, I've never heard of you. I could be out of touch, but also like, there's just some guy with regional celebrity. True, true. But also like, get that money, bro. Get that money, no, look, even, even, like, I'm happy for everybody cashing out

because I do think it will end. It's gonna collapse. It's gonna be fucking bad. You know what, most comedy I've seen, connoisseurs, you're gonna be like, yep, most does. That's what we're in danger of, but anyway. Whatever, sorry about that. Me and Ari will talk about it later.

Let's hear some jizzing without fucking control. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Whatever sorry about that What I did so because we want I want to talk about it the last time you were here But we just kind of got very general with it because I love the special Jew was great Thanks, buddy, but there's so and but I was going into it being like damn Ari's story is so interesting But you I feel like you could do like Jew2, this could be a whole series. I have a Jouenay I'm gonna put out. A Jouenay? Yeah, for real.

I had to add in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's all the questions I had that's how I got all my material. I was like, I would do like 45, 50, whatever. And then I'd be like, hey, it started with like 30 at the Fabler. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I'm like, what have you guys wanted to know about Jews? I've set up a safe environment. Just ask me anything. Yes, yes, yes. And then some stuff would be like, that's not juice. Why are they afraid of cats? I'm like, that's one guy you met.

Shut up. And then others like, what's up with the wigs? What's up with the, and so I got a lot of my material that way, so I had this fucking list of shit that wasn't good enough for the special, but I have quick answers on it. Interesting, and that'll be good too. That's really interesting, but like,

I was really expecting like an even more personal thing because you really were in the highest. You tucked away my fucking pants. You tucked away the payoffs, but you were in the big leagues of being Jewish, where it's like you're in the big leagues, dude it doesn't get, you're in the NBA, and you were studying to be a rabbi, right?

That's fucking crazy. And we talked about this because it was like, I was in Baltimore and you were in what, Silver Spring? Yeah. So we're like 40 minutes. Baltimore had, I don't know if I told you this before, the first major league baseball stadium. The Jews were allowed in.

I think they were the stadium. The Cal C.M. first and that didn't well for us. But no, they had a kosher concession stand. That makes sense. Yeah, but no, New York a kosher concession stand. That makes sense. Yeah, but no, New York would make sense. We had a lot of Jews. There were tons in New York. And I mean definitely more in New York.

But there was, I mean like, I went to a lot of, this motherfucker especially, the Baltimore County, they moved out of the city. They moved out of Pikesville, it's all Pikesville. But he had a lot of, because he moved out to the county, he's a traitor. I mean, he lived in a shittier. I've said it, it's like, it was always great to have Elders

because it made me not realize how poor I was. Because there was somebody poorer than me that I knew. There was a fresher immigrant that was poorer. So I was like, I'm a fucker, I'm Mr. USA. I'm a Yankee Stavros in beautiful Greek town. But Elders was by the park where people were getting stav- Elders looks like he found fabric and started a new shirt. So his mom did like a great job with it,

but it is just found fabric. It does feel patchwork. His mom was a seamstress. You remember what your mom, Dolly Parton's mom? Yeah. His mom, oh fuck, I got water on myself. His mom has hemmed up, you know, stuff for me and him growing up for sure.

That's nice. But, but yeah. There was a ton of, there was a ton of like, you know, went to some bar mitzvahs, some bar mitzvahs. So we knew, you know, we were pretty, as far as like a random city in America, Baltimore has pretty high Jewish knowledge, but I was just more fascinated by like just,

I thought it was gonna be way more about your personal shit. I tried to make a mix of my stuff and then also the stories, the holidays, like what you might wanna know, but also my experience with it. I really try to get an even mix. So I would take bits out of too much personal or not enough personal.

Let me add something. Well, I think it was great, but I think that's why you're poised for, I honest, not to give you fucking advice, but I would just as a you're poised for, I honest, not to give you fucking advice, but I would just as a fan love to see a more, just a personal one where it's like the second one's like all your shit, cause it is a bizarre,

you are a bizarre guy. To do a complete, but yeah, exactly. Complete 180, blurred out, Eldis. That is, yeah, definitely blurred out, but blurred small. Cause this dick is big in real life? So we gotta disrespect him, you know, in comedy. Nick as small in balls are there, where it's at. Balls fat, you have big, big fat hangers.

I thought you had fat, it's the word around town is you do have a huge penis. It's fat, it's fat cock. Fat cock, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it makes sense. Yeah, that was it makes sense.

That was the first title of your Netflix specials fat cock. Netflix was like actually already got that. I've said it before I wanted to be fat little slut. But you can't search fat little slut on the internet. My specials not coming up. You will not come up first. No, no, no. But yeah, it's funny to do that like what it's a it's a

fat rascal comes up way off. Yeah, there's much fewer fat rascals than there are fat sluts in the world. The slut is like really a category. Yeah, yeah, yeah, good category. Great category. I'll take a peek over there. That's definitely in the rotation. Don't get me wrong.

Smooth fat girls, the fucking 22 year old lastina chicks hanging out in the mall. Fucking West Covina, fucking that smooth fat. Let me get over here Maria. Yeah dude when's the first time you even saw Latina? I mean you know we all had extensions on our homes. Oh yeah. You saw a dad. I didn't say when did you see a lunchbox of Latina packed? Yeah, probably College Park. Probably, yeah. But so it's like you just completely grow up in that and you're just going to temple and shit like that.

And everyone is just religious as hell. Everyone's that. And everybody, all your friends or that shit, you're playing like, are you playing like stick ball in your little black? Stick ball, I'm fucking right in Beach Memoirs. I don't know. I've been coming to the sixties. Friends or that shit you're playing like are you playing like stick ball in your little black Even technically you're not Amish it feels like being Jewish Amish It is all my friends when I met friend when I added it was still religious and then be like I meet them on Sunday They're like what you do yesterday read

Yeah under the under the lamp light under the lamp light. You can't do my candle light You might fuck up and try to like mess with the candle. So I don't even chance it don't even chance it So yeah, what so then what are you playing kickball in that little tuxedo? What are you doing? How are you blowing off steam? But not on Saturday really Saturdays for the Lord, of course, but damn. What's the Lord? What do you even do on the is it really reading reading backgammon my brother backgammon's not work It's it's no unless we made money on it, which we did later. You ever play with the blacks over in Union Square Great

Union Square There's so much better than you think they'd be. The best for like, for like, expectations to Tower level. Because I don't know, it's like, I don't have to play chess. You don't expect to play a near homeless guy to be great at chess. I think he might be good, folks. That's Ari's opinion. The best is Thailand. I'm in Phuket, and you're walking by some fucking horse. Literal horse. Daddy, daddy, come inside. And you're like, do you want to play Connect 4?

And they were like, I'll play Connect 4 with you. They're like, Connect 4 for beers. And you're like, OK. But I'm like, I'll crush a fucking Thai hooker. Dude, I went to fucking, I was in Dean's last two semesters, University of Maryland. Shut the fuck up. I got a fucking 1250 MST, the old one that mattered.

And then you started playing. Yeah, what? 1300. New ones there. They waited at 100 points higher. Yeah then you started playing. 1300. What? 1300. New ones there. They waited at 100 points higher. Yeah, you're right.

You're right. They're just kids that's so dumb in America like let's just make everyone go 100 points higher. Same task. You just start with this 800 instead of a 700. And so these fucking Thai hookers are like dominating you. And you're like, what the fuck? And like, you know we play Kinect 4 all day every day.

Yeah, yeah. Why do you have a arrest in high school? It's their respite from sucking like a fat American cock. Yeah, and I mean fat like fat guy not nice fat cock So they're like disgusting weird little digs chop through this she's gonna focus on connect for that's the highlight of her day I lost like six straight beers these bitches, and then I realized I was only 40 cents total, but But it changed her life. Wow. And then did you reward, were you a customer too or are you just friends?

Not of that place, she was pretty gross. No, okay. I got snuckered into one. My buddy was there on a sex vacation, he got there before me. I booked a fucking movie, I was so mad and I was like can we rearrange the shoot? You booked the movie in Thailand?

No, in America. It interrupted your sex vacation. Exactly. Exactly. But my buddy was in sex hell. He broke up with his girlfriend, was still living with her. So he can fuck like once every two months, and that's it. That's brutal.

So he got to Phuket, and he was just like, game on. And he was like, I've already fucked four times since you've said no, it was like seven times. I was there three days later. Interesting. And so then we're walking by, like, oh, there's one. And he jumps in and I was like, OK, let me do it. But he got the only hot one.

And then I did not say not interested lady. Of course. Now you don't want to be rude. You're already there. Yeah. That's tough. So she's putting a con of mommy and she's trying to ride me. I'm not really hard.

It's so hot. There's mosquitoes, there's dengue. It's fucking disgusting. And I'm like, I don't think anyone could do this in this environment. And then you hear from the stall next door, because it doesn't even go up past here. Oh wow, it's like a bathroom.

Yeah, and then, exactly. And then it's like a little room, sort of massage room. Sure, sure. And then you just hear my buddy go, oh, yeah, yeah. She's orgasming and I'm like, fuck, fucking half a man. Wow, man, how many sex vacations have you taken? Was that your only sex vacation? That's a Tijuana with Bobby Lee.

Okay, nice. Very nice. Let's call him Bobby Free because he pays for the hookers for you. Oh, what a good guy, Bobby Free, there we go. Where we, Bobby Lee and Bobby Free, there's two different characters. Don't worry, it's on me.

Did you tip nicely? Yes, what he told me, tip ahead of time. Put a hundred down on 72. That's just for you, don't worry about it, work harder. Right, right, right, right, right. It's a tough job, they deserve it. I tip my Uber guys, you know. Oh, afterwards, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. After they suck my dick, yeah. I tip the African father of four. I'm like, hey man, you want to make an extra 20? I can't get the Tijuana right now. I can't get the Tijuana. I have wanted to visit Thailand. I'm trying to write a bit about this. Sorry to be doing my bit. But it's like, and I actually want to go because it sounds cheap,

and I'm a beach guy, and it seems like a great vacation. But if you are fat with this hair, no one thinks you're going for a wholesome vacation. There's no way anyone's like, oh, yeah, Stav's just going for a wholesome vacation. That is Cambodia. There's no way anyone's like, oh yeah, Stav's just going to check out the sights.

They think I'm your pervert friend. They think maybe girls. Yeah, you're right. I'd be lucky to get away with just going there for woman prostitution. That's how I, at the airport, they're like, dude, if you could try, keep it above 12. Jesus Christ. But use your best judgment. That's a hot 11 year old. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but just try. That's their, that's the speech the president gives. Every tourist. It's all 12 year old, literally 12 year old cell Viagra 2 AM.

It's like disgusting. Bangkok is one of the grossest cities in the world. Oh my God, dude. Chiang Mai is where to go. Chiang Mai rules. Pucket rules. Nice. Yeah, that's like disgusting Bangkok is one of the grossest cities in the world Oh my god, dude Check my rules, okay, Puket rules Nice. Yeah, there's a lot of cool

But Bangkok is not one of those places get the fuck in and out of there as fast as possible Yeah, I'm not I that sounds horrible But I do like a little beach like I just want to be on a beach I got spots for you All right, and Thailand is your place because it's the entryway into Southeast Asia It's the least foreign of all the places. So it's foreign as shit. But like.

Of course compared to like, you know, Vietnam or whatever. Yeah, or Laos or something. But like, but like it's still foreign, but like, but it's set up for tourism. Yeah. So it's nice. Nice. I love that. Yeah. I was, I used to be scared of going to Asia because it's so foreign compared to what I know.

But it's like, you get old and you're like, God, let's experience something. I also went to Tokyo and that's a good like, even though it's so foreign compared to what I know, but it's like you get old and you're like, let's experience something I also went to Tokyo and that's a good like even though it's wildly foreign. It's so like You know, it's such a cosmopolitan city that you can still get around by only know it only knowing English So that was kind of how'd you like it? I loved it. Okay. When'd you go? I went I went twice once I went on a very low-level USO type tour with Marines cool and some it was like it was like a funny business It was like a it was like a pretty it wasn't a great gig is what I'm trying to say

It was just like a you know these guys that book like road work They get you out there, but they get you out there for sure But it was I didn't work for them, but who the headliner was yeah, it was the it was the other game It was the others yeah But so they had they booked the headliner and then the feature that was supposed to go with them got a DUI And failed the like the Army's like background check and then the headliner was like I was like an open mic at the time But he liked me this guy bent Washburn great guy very funny. Yeah, Ben. Yep. That's right He's got a weird G in his name go look him up. He's got a bunch of free specials out there

He's legit very funny And he just like hey man, you wanna come to Tokyo. And it was the year, it was the, it was three months before I was gonna move to New York. And it was like, it literally paid $750. It was a free flight. But it was a free flight and free accommodation in Japan. And when you're 24, you're like, hell yeah,

let's fucking do it. Those comedy should not start about comedy, but you get these trips, these free trip places. That's cool. That like you could never afford it or the time off. Totally. Totally. And you're still fucking broke. Still broke. I was on the road with Kevin Isill and he was like you know the last time we worked together was a fucking festival in

Switzerland. That's hilarious. Yeah. I'm like damn that's right. No it's fun just for experiences and then when we were doing the Come Town Australia tour, we just decided to go to Japan beforehand. Because I didn't know, see, I was a little duped. I still blame Adam. He wanted to go shopping. He wanted to go shopping because you can buy clothes for a girlish man in Tokyo.

And so he was like, yeah, dude, it's like, I had fucked my foot up and I didn't really want to walk too much. And he was like, look, it's a close thing. fucked my foot up and I didn't really want to walk too much. And he was like, look, it's a close thing. And then we go and Tokyo's fine. I didn't have a great time, I'll be honest with that. I'm just my foot hurt. And it was like, actually it was during, you were there where I fucked my foot up.

It was the Skanksfest basketball tournament, remember that? Oh yeah, you fucking cheater. You just got black toothed. Yeah, well it was supposed to be a good bid because Adam and Nick weren't there and then we just found two black guys to play It was a good bit Fucked my I fucked my Cheer for you to fuck Just you and noted 9-11 liar, Steve,

Brandon, DC. I went to Eshra Manora, Canada. Those were the two guys against me, a sex criminal from Thailand, and a man who doesn't respect 9-11. Those were the two guys that were mad at me. Everybody else was very worried about my well-being. But anyway.

I forgot about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were there. It was out there in New Long Island City. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so, but I still, but it's still, and I definitely want to go back when I, you know. To the tournament?

When I'm, no, I'm done. I'm retired from Skanks Fest basketball for the rest of my life. You can, that's for sure. That's a lot of bad juju there for me, but I want to go back when I'm like prepared for it because I just want to go back with a little more time And I'm trying to get a gig there Oh, that'd be sick one in Tokyo one of Fukushima and then spend like two weeks that like have at least ten days in between

So let's go where we want to go. Yeah, and I went there and I went to Okinawan Somewhere else in Korea part of the part of the USO tours in Korea and it was great It was like a nice little like, oh, it's just like anywhere else. Stop being fucking closed minded and just like, you know, explore some shit. So.

I want to go. I've never been. You've never been to Japan? Yeah, I'm definitely not Tokyo. And that's one of those cities, almost everywhere like big cities of big city, except for a few places. Tokyo, New York.

Tokyo, New York, Paris. Paris. People say London, I haven't been to London. Nah. Wrong. Wrong, really. I think- London, Chicago are not that dissimilar.

Oh, interesting. Yeah. I like any city that has its own vibe. Like New Orleans, even though it's not one of the great cities. New Orleans, for sure, has its own vibe. I mean, I'll go to town for, I'll go to Bath for Athens because it's like, you have the like the Parthenon right there. It's got like its own weird vibe.

Can I tell you what I, I think I went to right there, it's got like, its own weird vibe. Can I tell you what I, I think I went to Greece since I came here. Oh, probably, oh sick. Yes, we were talking about it. Athens is so much more, I'm sure you heard about the Parthenon and all that shit, right? It's so like, what's the word?

It's so like, like an outsider, that the graffiti everywhere, it's anarchist. That's the word I'm looking for. If you just get out of that part, like over the thing and through the park, and then you're just like, oh, this is all anarchy, this is all like, like down with like the real version

of who's that group that always like stops traffic. They always try to beat up old people for driving in their cars. Who's that group that always like stops traffic? Oh, what are you talking about? They always try to beat up old people for driving in their cars. That's whatever you're describing, you're describing it wrong for sure. I'm describing it wrong. It was like-

On purpose. It sounds like you're having a real Fox News take on it. Antifa, Antifa. It's always the videos of some like new Antifa guy going like, I'd stop. Like I'm just trying to go home, man. No, no, no, there is definitely a huge, like a true like anti-fascist, very left-wing.

Yeah, because fascism is a real thing there. Because we have real fascism in Greece. I mean, that's- The underground scene was the badass. It's cool, no, no, no. Greece, Athens fucking rules. You have that, and each little city, I will say, as much as it pains me to admit this,

it kind of reminds me of LA in that like, it's kind of hilly it's mountainous and and it everything is like its own little every neighborhood is almost like its own little city the way LA is where it's like you have like richly rich places you have place with nice beaches then you have like you know the the the suburb the like exerbs of like it's 45 minutes away but it's still kind of in the metro area it's just a fucking stick place it's still kind of in the metro area. It's just a fucking sti- Yeah, right, the boat is so far away. Yeah, the ferries.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, damn. It's a complete, exactly. It's like almost in a secondary city. But you know, that's kind of how like, fucking LAX and shit in the water is in LA too. Like the West side versus the East side, all this kind of shit.

But, yeah. Athens rules, but yeah. You should definitely go to Tokyo, fucking rules. What was the first Asian you saw? Probably also at College Park, huh? First Asians? Yeah. Yeah, the first one I ever beat off to was the chick from Wayne's World. Oh I never realized that could be in the Asian Wow, man, that's all. Well, when did you see Wayne's World?

In the Uber over here? You're watching, you're watching Wayne's world and jacking off. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha just friends in my community. Like we'd be civil to other people. Like we had like a, the guy filled up the candy machine, we'd just like say hi to him. But like, they're not really excited. We felt superior to them. They were just outside, it wasn't even superior. If I grew up, I might start feeling superior, but it was really just like, they're just not,

I did it in a special, like they see other non-Jews, like we see squirrels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're fine, whatever, but like you're not gonna make friends with one. Right, right, right. Yeah. Damn, that's so funny. And then, and then you, why did you decide to be a rabbi?

You were just into the shit? You liked the scriptures? It was like pre-law. It's like, let's keep your options open. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. And then it was cool and I was succeeding for the first time. Oh, wow, really? Because all you really had to do, were you a good student?

Yeah. I was a bad student. Okay. And all you really had to do to succeed in Yashiva was sit there. Like if you put in the hours as soon as prayers ended, you're like before breakfast I'm going to study for 30 minutes. After breakfast I'm going to write back to lunch. After lunch, Daven Mincha and then go right back to pray for a while, to Mara for dinner, then write back. What's Daven Mincha mean? Michal is like the afternoon service. Oh, okay. Marav is the night service.

Three times a day. Three times a day? Yeah, you can combine night, afternoon and night if you time it right. Gotcha. You just like 20 minutes in between. Just flying into it, yeah, yeah. It's like, it's still dusk and now it's, okay.

Yeah. But you just sat there all the way, I was like, you're doing great. I know you had to do was read. Just read of some Aramaic. Oh really? Easy peasy. Aramaic, you could read Aramaic for real?

Wow, so you were just listening to the Passion of the Christ and its mother tongue. It was real. He was actually saying get Tetris. Yeah. He's been investing Bitcoin. Yeah, it's so fucking dumb. Did it prepare you?

I'm like, what, to learn a dead language? It's not even on the level of Latin? Extra dead language. Like it's like Greek at least, somebody still speaks it and you can. The signs there are in Greek. And yeah, absolutely. And also the like, you know,

a lot of root words come from Greek. So it was like, it helped my vocabulary as a little kid, but Aramaic, nothing. Except to hear hear the like the extra anti-semitic like characters in in fucking Passion of the Christ where they basically have like horns so awesome that movies hilarious dude I gotta rewatch it so we should do a passion of the Christ rewatch dude The Christ rewatch dude Let's see you we need you in a different type of annoying juice like a different style of annoying juice maybe Ronon You've run a different annoying film guy that could be a fun little mix What's even Nicha? What are the fun?

Because I was getting into, I was reading about when they started writing the first parts of the Bible, which is basically the Jewish scriptures, but it's like there's a lot of wacky shit there. And it all starts, it's basically, if I I understand it correctly the whole Judeo-Christian thing started because like Ancient you know the the Jewish people if they even like identified as that Just had to cope with getting their asses fucked by bigger powers by like the the Hittites and the Egyptians And like like you guys were just like in the in the Levant They were you were just getting taken over after having like a couple maybe like a hundred years of your own kingdom

And you were just like a very little completely historically inconsequential people inconsequential that just wrote Like excuses for what you did to God to piss him off It's literally the whole Bible is like is is like sore losers explaining why they got. Why they got. They're saying sore losers. Like they sold their brother to Egypt because he had a nicer coat than them. Yeah.

But why don't you get a better hunk of presents? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sell him a to slavery. Yeah. And then he gets out. It's great. It's just sore losers. It's great.

That's the beginning of it. It's so weird and how it's like. And here's how we can explain it. Yeah. This is why we lost. It's because, you know, we went to Egypt and I told the one guy told his wife to not say to go fuck the Pharaoh What was that one of them where he's like don't say we're married somebody had a hot wife Abraham and yeah Don't say we're married cuz they'll probably kill me and then just say my sister so they can rape you

Yeah, he sold her pussy for like good treatment from the Egyptians That's the legitimately that we studied that for like two weeks Because it's problematic We're like what do you mean you just supposed to let your wife get raped and then all the robbers like so this is like It's a word of God like what is he teaching you? Yeah, and it really is like you guys are gonna get beat up a lot So gate the losses. I'm telling you the Holocaust is coming. So like if you gotta give your kid to a Christian family and say he's just got a big Italian nose, do it. Let him survive.

Jesus Christ. Yeah it's like literally like the most pathetic ways to survive is like give the Pharaoh your wife's cunt. Oh yeah you're right. Here's some two dudes on horseback don't try to fight him. Immediately go to the wife. It's my sister. Which is fine. Yeah as if that's better letting your sister get right yeah You could argue that's worse God damn that shit is so funny Yeah, like what would be the reason that God would like to do that or man would create those scriptures to like help us

And that's the reasons you guys are not good fighters. Yeah, the first ones the right shit down Yeah, truly. Yeah, it's insane and I just didn't realize that it's like that that is his like Obviously the stories in the Bible are not historically accurate, but they're like based on shit You know I mean like some of that stuff did happen just not the way they said it. They like combined, you know, you know, they just kind of like rationalized. I think some of it too was, was hey, they passed down orally for a while.

Right. And by the time they wrote it down, they're like had to make sense of it. Totally. So like, oh, it had to be this like, oh, actually, I had a different thing back then. Combined characters. But we'll just say it was this, yeah, combined characters.

Yeah, there's certain kings that were like, that they didn't want to admit were cool. Or it was just like, there's also like the two different kingdoms of like, there was like Judea and, and Israel, maybe they were different or something like that. I don't know. I was just reading the historical part of it. It was, it was very fascinating,

but it was like an academic book. And I was like, oh, I'm too stupid to read academic shit. I need like pop history. Like Yuval Harari. No, like dude, the, literally the guy had like his like sources cited after every fact. Fuck I'm like, I'm Like Yuval Horari. No, like dude, literally the guy had like his like sources cited after every fact. Fuck I'm like, I'm too stupid for this man.

Just give me a fun anecdote about it. I'll stick with Hogwarts. I literally got only like 40 pages into this book and I was like, that's pretty good though for a look. Yeah, but I read it to go to sleep. So it was like, I would just doze off so fast. If I wonder what the book, I'll find what the book is called And maybe a listener can explain it to me. I bet it was called mine comf you fucking

Yeah, I'm reading the book I read the book with the most truths about Jews With the most non-biased view of them With the most non-biased view of them. Yeah, that shit is fucking. And so, what was the moment where you're like, I can't do this, I can't. This is fun, reading scriptures about a guy selling pussy to Arabs is fun, but like, I'm succeeding, but I can't be doing this.

Yeah. Was there a moment, was there something that really popped for you? Yeah, it was like, I had a light on above my bed, on the Sabbath. I couldn't sleep right above my bed. I wanted to flip it off so bad. And you can't, I wanted to flip it off so fucking bad.

You couldn't get a Shabbos Goi? There was none, it was Jerusalem. Oh, in Jerusalem? Yeah. Oh, wow. No Shabbos Gois, good word though. Yeah, thanks man, I know a little bit. Thank you.

And I was like, I'm just gonna turn this fucking light off It was like right above my like a bed seers It's like a reading light right in the wall above my bed for the dorm so you could study like tomorrow Put some over it kept falling off and I was like I'm gonna flip it off and then I was about to but I saw my windows right by the entrances to the yeshiva So I was like so we'll see yeah But I didn't even do it, but it was just like me thinking like I was,

I was wanting to do it was like, maybe I don't believe in this God thing. Yeah. Because if he's pretty clear about, can't do it. And I still was gonna do it anyway. And God, don't do that. And I'm like, no, I need to sleep.

Yeah, I need to sleep and stop me if you're God. Stop me. Yeah, I'll just, oh wait, you didn to sleep and stop me if you're God stop me Yeah, I'll just oh wait you didn't do shit interesting short out the fucking circuits Yeah, let me pray hearty shit what even that moment it just You'd been to be a rabbi back in Damn that's so fucking hilarious no one drives worse than a fucking Queens religious Jew. Yeah They don't give a fuck that is very true Always on their fucking flip phones the up to do in T9. Yeah killing someone so they can text in T9. Yeah Wow in Jerusalem Mars, and then what's the next in T9. Yeah. Wow, injurious look.

I'm just saying it on the Mars. And then what's the next day after that look like? You packing it up. Oh, I didn't do it. I just thought about it for like a year. That was the like the seed. Yeah, like a real year. I kept tossing around my head because it was a real big decision.

Huh. You know? And then eventually I'm like, I think I might be out. And you were how old like in 20, what was it? 2021. Okay. So it's two years in seminary, then a year here at Yashiva University.

And during that Yashiva University, I'm like talk to everybody. I was like, guys, I think I might be out of this. And then they were like, then throw the Torah on the ground. If you don't believe, I'm like, well, that seems rude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not gonna throw the fucking Quran on the ground.

I can't be not a dickhead and not a liar. I can respect you. I respect you. So it's like this is all you've known your whole life. You're not, even if like now you might throw one back, then you wouldn't have. I wouldn't throw one now either. Ah, come on.

I might throw it no one's around. Pussy. Pussy. Damn, they still got their hooks in you, dude. Yeah, for sure. For sure. For sure. So it's just got all whole door opens up

for like old ladies and stuff. That's from there. That's not from there. It is from there. That's just genuine, being a good guy human stuff literally like zero comedians shut the door absolutely make sure an old lady can't get the benefit from their hard work yeah that's so funny I got with them I mean I I guess I would I

guess what's the point cuz just to do it do what just to throw a religious text of any kind you're just kind of being addicted. You have to really believe it and hate it. Right. That's my favorite, it's the post-Holocaust Jews. I didn't stop believing, but fuck God. Oh, wow, yeah, you fucked our ass.

Yeah, you let that happen? What a fucking cunt. Which is a good point. It's honestly a really good point. It's a really good point. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of my whole thing with religion, that no one really has a good good point. It's a really good point. Yeah, yeah. That's kind of my whole thing with religion that no one really has a good answer for. Everyone taps around why bad stuff is allowed to happen and why Africa is world. It's a test. Why is that bad? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What about childhood AIDS? Yeah. Can you get quit as a set of a test? Yeah. Yeah. No, but I'm sure there's a really good reason. Childhood AIDS good reason. What is this testing really good reason? Yeah Yeah, I was maggots in your fucking throat in fucking Nairobi Helping me be better Jew in New York. No, it makes sense Damn, dude. So then what was the what's the day? When's the action? I remember it was it was in Yeshiva in Yeshiva University So it's a split curriculum college. And then, yeah, I went, I went to nearby, I was in Crown Heights or Spanish Harlem, whatever. It's like 185th in Amsterdam.

And then like, I was like, I'm gonna go get Taco Bell. I'm doing it. It was the closest one. That was the meal you chose Taco Bell. It wasn't like the last supper, it was just nearby. And I had seen the commercials. It looked great. It was not great. It was not great.

It was not good. It was still Taco Bell. Not much has changed. That's so funny that Taco Bell was what broke it. Yeah, I could have just had a piece of cheese on some kosher beef. A little, little, yeah. Damn, dude.

And then you're like, I'm out. Do you have to like, is there paper working shit or are you just left? There's no paperwork, it's not like Mormonism. Good question, though. Where you don't get excommunicated. They really try to keep pushing you back in. I mean, they didn't stop for a decade or more.

Wow. Like, come on, come on. You're just going through a phase. Come on, come on. Even after you're publicly like acting a fool as if for a career? Yeah. Who's there?

Yeah. Apparently when Ju came out, and my special on YouTube right now, and watching free folks and So my sisters are still in the community, you know, and my parents are still in and so there was like a lot of worried talk Because they're like this is the last thing we need right now. It was the Kanye Pop off I already recorded it, but it was like no, I remember new discussions of anti-Semitism I remember how pumped you were when that happened your You were like, this is gonna be good for the algo. They gotta put some cold shoe up top

or they're also anti-Semitic. I was a little worried about it because I could see them just going, this is a anti-Jewish show. We're taking it down. Right, right, right, right, right. But they were worried. They were like, what's this gonna be?

Right. And then they tell, I've talked to my parents, like best friends, and they're like, oh, then everybody was like, oh, this is actually really respectful. Oh, cool. And like, I'm a nice. Even when you're fucking around,

it's still like from a good place. And it was. Yeah, yeah, it really was from a good place. But I needed 20-something years off to be able to get to that. Totally, totally. Because I would imagine there's the initial, like, fuck them, you got to whistle your lies.

There's like a decade of that. Legitimately a decade. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, that makes sense. And then you just kind of mellow out. But you also mellow out with age too, where you're like. There's that too. What'simately a decade. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, that makes sense. And then you just kind of mellow out. But you also mellow out with age too where you're like.

Does that too? Like what's the fight for? Yeah. What am I fighting? I know. I feel that way too because it's like I went through that phase of like just you know the embarrassing college atheism phase where you're like you're all fucking sheep man. And you're the sheep because you're joining a club.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Nah man, Richard Dawkins. That's just the genius, you know? I read one book. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The book I read doesn't have weird verses and chapters, which still don't really make sense to me. Also, now looking back, there is something nice to prayer. Well, yeah, I-

To gathering just the organization of like, hey, be kind to your neighbors, the basis of it is fine. Well, it's community. It's yeah, I- To gathering just the organization of like, hey, be kind to your neighbors, the basis of it is fine. Well, it's community. It's like fine, it's community. It's community and it's literally meditation. Yeah. And we talked about this a little bit because DeStefano was talking about how he's religion.

I mean, he's a fucking idiot, but he's talking about how he's like- You know he's great, his real name is DeStefanoopolis. Dude, yeah, that's right. And that's coming from Aristotle. That's coming from- Aristotle's a fear. He is Sheffar come from Aristotle Aristotle's appear chef oropolis Because

Gay or somehow But yeah, I do think there's a little bit of like especially because Like everything is so atomized and especially with phone like not to be like not to be a different kind of hack where it's like, you know, it starts with, there's no monoculture anymore. There used to be like, there's three channels and then starts with cable, then the internet makes it, you know, compounds that exponentially. And now everyone feels more alone than ever. The world is, even though we're safer, it feels shittier than ever just because we're so alone.

And I do think there is a natural, some people seek community and they seek meditation and feeling like everything's gonna be okay. So I do think there's gonna be a big bounce back towards religion for people in my generation. I've met some people who are like, what, you're going to church now? What the fuck?

And they're like, I get something out of it. Duncan's always like, prayer, you don't have to pray any specific one, but like, it's for yourself. But I can't, and so, look, you do what you want, whatever, but I do, part of me, I'm not gonna lie, and I don't wanna, it just does feel fucking dumb to me. It feels stupid.

But I get why you do it, and I would love to feel, I would love to feel like something exists and something is good, but I just don't think, I think that's, that is, and not that I'm saying like, I'm real with myself in every other way, but that's just one way that I can't be in denial. We all have our denials. I wanna do this, but seems lame.

My dad was a paratrooper in the Israeli army. So every time people are like, hey, you wanna go parachuting? I'm like, I don't know, man, he had Arab shooting at him. This is weird doing some homeless trash in my back. Yeah, it's just for like shits and giggles. I don't know man, he had Arab shooting at him. This is weird doing some homo-straps in my back. Yeah, just for like shits and giggles. I don't know. So it's like, I'd like to get over it,

but I can't, I have that in me. Interesting, interesting tale Ari, but I think it's time for you to stop talking and hear a tale of mine. You and the listeners, you see, when I started podcasting, I didn't have any merch. I was losing money left and right. The little merch I did have,

I was selling myself out of garbage bags. It was not, I was keeping track of nothing. I was probably losing money. I was probably honestly selling Stavi T-shirts and immediately using the cash from McDonald's, late night McDonald's after my really shitty gigs that I was doing back then. I had no idea that, and today, flash forward to today Ari and our listeners. We have beautiful merchandise

We're selling we got multiple t-shirts. We've got the Stavi baby calendars that we've been selling now for six years I think it's eldest and for the last five years. We've been using Shopify to do that It's been an incredible tool for us. It's helped us grow at every stage, back from when I was literally, I was carrying around every calendar. It was mailed to me. I was hand shipping them out. All the way to now where we have our buddy

who has a little warehouse for us. He runs all our merch business. We check all the numbers with Shopify. We're selling a lot. Listen, I don't wanna tell you how much much we're selling but it's a pretty penny it covers it covers eldest and then some that's right We cut we make over $40,000 a year But we love Shopify here It's a global commerce platform that will help shoot like I said at every stage of your business from the launch from when you're your

Garbage back days to the first real-life store stage all way to the, did we just hit a million order stage? Shopify's there to help you grow. We haven't quite got, we're not even at the million order stage, but we're getting there. We're growing with Shopify too. So whatever you're selling, you're selling soaps, you're selling edible underwear, whatever it is, Shopify helps you sell everywhere from their own one e-commerce e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system wherever whatever you're selling Shopify's got you covered in fact I don't know if you guys know this eldest is thinking about you know

He's a married man now. He has to have family to worry about He's thinking about shaving his back and selling the trimmings on Shopify isn't that right eldest? Oh, yeah Yeah, I'm gonna start doing ad reads on here out this. Oh yeah. I'm gonna start doing ad reads on here. No, you don't get your own ad reads. Just to put those up. You don't get your own ad reads, but with Shopify you will have a successful, there will be some very kink friendly people buying those tufts of Albanian hair. So Shopify helps you turn just browsing the buyers with the internet's best converting check out up to 36% better compared to other leading commerce platforms and sell with less effort thanks to the Shopify magic, your AI-powered All Star.

We love it here. Like I said, we have been using Shopify for the past five years and it has helped us grow. We track our numbers. We're doing really well. And we're really trying to work even more on our merch And we're really excited to use Shopify and take advantage of all the tools as we're you know We're trying to get look. I don't want to say anything. We're thinking about getting Hawaiian shirts. Okay. We're thinking about track suits But when you buy them if you buy them, it'll be through Shopify. I promise you that so sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Stavi. All lowercase, go to Shopify.com slash Stavi now

to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Stavi. There it is, we just made another, we sold another calendar, baby. What were you saying, Ari? Totally. No, I get that, dude. And like, so I don't know, it's just, it's a fascinating thing.

And of course we ended up talking about, you know, Taiwanese hookers and stuff like that. So, you know, next time when we do the rewatch, we'll get more into Jewish stuff. But Elders. There's a question that ties into all of this right now. I'd love to bring it up. Yeah, I'm a podcast host.

I have no podcast right now, so I'm searching. What a pro. Hey, this is from Tuesday, 1241 PM. Tuesday says, stop watching. He'll play it, searching. What a bro. Hey this is from Tuesday 1241 p.m. Tuesday says, hey stop watching. He'll play it relax. Oh okay okay. Go ahead Eldis. Go ahead Tuesday.

Hey, Saf, watching your, hey, Saf, watching your, your new episode with Chris. You are explaining a lot of stuff as childish, religion is childish uh... holiday and new year's eve is childish it is uh... so in your expert opinion i was wondering what the manliest holiday is

maybe the manliest belief system one can hold uh... inquiry for a friend okay this is a little i'm not saying manly is better than child adult adult someone can hold. Interesting. For a friend. Thanks. Okay. And look, I'm not saying manly is better than childish. Adult, adulty. Right? Yeah, yeah, manly.

But I will say, all right, let's think about the holidays. Halloween's obviously gone. Fun holiday, but talk about childish. That's so childish. So childish, right? It's adult acting like children. But that's also an acceptable childish. Acceptable but childish. You know what I mean? It's childish. But it's like, look, it's costumes, it's fun, it's candy, right? It's adult acting like children. But that's also an acceptable childish. Acceptable but childish.

Childish, but it's like, look, it's costumes, it's fun, it's candy, right? Like, it's not like New Year's has this connotation where it's like, we're going into the new year, we're celebrating, it's like, was the year really good? Do you really need to celebrate every year? Some years are fucking dog shit. And then what, you wanna start the new year hung over

and like possibly have gonorrhea? You know what I mean? Yeah, what a way to start the new year with like an incoming herpes. Exactly, exactly. You're literally bringing- So bring your last day without fucking burning. Cause it's coming. I know what, I'll just brainstorm here.

That fucking mid-Somar holiday is fucking manly. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, but it's also gay. Anything where you kill yourself. Yeah, it's also painful. Anything where you kill yourself is a manly holiday at the end of it. What is a manly yes but it's also gay yeah it's also painful anything where you kill yourself is a manly holiday yeah we're just a manly holiday some murder I think I honestly not so Christmas

Christmas is based off of a lot of Roman gay sex holiday called Saturnalia I believe look up Saturnalia elders so getting together getting presents fucking your boys in the ass That's yeah December is an ancient Roman pagan festival honoring the agriculture of God Saturn Saturday celebration of the source of many traditions we now associate with Christmas such as wreaths candles feasting and gift giving

And so I think Christmas is the answer because it's Based in a gay sex Roman holiday, which is pretty manly. But also I do think there's something like grown up about Christmas is not really about you, right? It's about kids. It's about like having a good time with your family, providing like that's like, you're not really celebrating the year, but you're like taking stock

with everybody that you like. Is Thanksgiving manly? Thanksgiving's up there. If you- Survival. Carving the turkey, killing Native Americans, you know. Coming, yeah, I mean manliness, it's like, genocide is pretty manly. It's not good, but it's manly.

You know what I mean? That's shitty, it's aggro. If we're going by manly, but most like adult, most like grown up. I think Christmas is just Christmas is just is the answer Christmas seems childish to the present presence Maybe things you look up list of lists of holidays. What are carnival? Those are two right? carnival yeah, that's Labor day, that's the main one shut up and get to work

Labor Day, that's the main Christmas lunch. Shut up and get to work. You're one day off. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can grill, that's it. Veterans Day, whatever, Memorial Day. But no, it's, hmm. Pearl Harbor Day, those aren't real Halloween. That's not real.

Look, we're talking about the real deal ones. I think you're right, Christmas is pretty childish, but yeah, maybe it is just Thanksgiving, because you got a nice dinner. You got to prepare. It's nice dinner, actually, you know, nice dinner. You gotta prepare. It's nice dinner. Actually, you know what? It's actually my favorite one

because just the stopping going, hey, everybody say what you're thankful for is hokey. But it does make you actually say out loud something that you're thankful for and it's nice. And even if you don't say it out loud, it's in your head. It's in your head. You're like, this is fucking gay. And then you're like, but I do love my friends.

I know. I love what you're saying. Somebody goes, I'm just happy to be here. I'm thankful for all of you. And like, shut up, loser. We all could have said that one. I know, I love you guys. You know what I mean? Somebody goes, I'm just happy to be here. I'm thankful for all of you. I'm like, shut up, loser. We all could have said that one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a given.

Fuck it, fuck off. That should be outlawed. You should do a week in jail if you say, I'm thankful for having all of you together here. You're right, you need one more thing over that, for sure. So I'm going to land on Thanksgiving because it's an overeating holiday. It's a take a nap while watching football.

It's kind of, it really is like, it's set up for bro. Like, and there's no Christmas gifts for kids to fuck up. There's no pressure, which you're right. That's not really manly is having to like, do something good for people you love. It's- Keeping your wife in the kitchen. You keep your wife in the kitchen.

That's manly. That's pretty manly. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's keeping your wife in the kitchen. You keep your wife in the kitchen. That's pretty manly. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's definitely Thanksgiving for sure. And in terms of belief systems. You don't have to be any religious to get it. It really was the settlers of America, right? I don't think that's even.

They were Protestant, but like it wasn't about that. I don't even think, I don't even know what, when Thanksgiving was even popularized. I don't know either because it was always told us like look out at the first harvest God forbid you take the hint and look that up. Oh, yeah, what'd be nice is someone look that up 1863 during the war my birthday with him. Oh really why'd you do that and hand him thing? Okay, I was looking peripheral vision. I thought it was a flat sign. No,

no, yeah, yeah, I thought it was a nut. So the holiday, oh, Lincoln proclaimed a national day of Thanksgiving celebrate on Thursday, November 6th was proclaimed by every present thereafter and the day chosen with few exceptions was the last Thursday in November. Yeah, because the Lions and Cowboys were already playing that day. Yeah. And so they were like, it's actually was out perfectly. We can force them to stay on and watch football. So yeah, I mean, it's probably, you know, the roots of it are probably bullshit. It was just Lincoln trying to get everybody to be like,

hey, let's stop killing each other over black people. We're friends. Look at that fucking turkey on the right. That's a great one. That's a good looking bird, but. Can I just say Turkey is one of the most overrated meats. Thank you. You have a comrade in that belief, I fucking,

it sucks dick. Dry chicken. It sucks dick. Get two chickens. Some of the dark meat is good. Some of the dark meat is good, but not like wow. It's not as good as a steak. It's not even close to good as a steak.

Yeah, I do, we do Korean barbecue Thanksgiving. Nice. My family. And I made a pork shoulder sometime. And for Christmas we do a, I do a nice steak roast, nice rib roast. I was actually in Yucatan this Thanksgiving. And they have a lot of turkey there. I was in Ecuador a few before

and then I don't really have to only Christmas this Thanksgiving, I was at Turkey, so like you can't find it, but Paavo was big in Yucatan. So we just got Like tacos yeah Fuck turkey and then in terms of a mainly belief system I don't know I mean, it's not I mean it's not even that I have a problem with what relate with like what whatever Was in in Game of Thrones

was in Game of Thrones. That one fucking old. Yeah, we're fucking it. What were the fuck were they called? The Dothraki? Dothraki. Yeah, Dothraki. That's the Ben Lees belief system. That's it, that's it.

The only bitch you respect is a bitch with fucking fire-breathing dragons. Everyone else must fucking, you get to use her for pussy and nothing else. Yup, that's what it is. Next question, Eldis. Okay, now that... What do we got here? Yeah, that's what it is next question eldest What do we got here Hey, stop. Hey eldest. Hey cool. Yes. Sorry. I really like screwed up the other voice. No, I work night So please bear with me Me and my husband we had to move to South Dakota

We're originally from Southern, California, know, the coolest place to live, maybe. It's up there. That's cool. And so it's quite a change, you know, going from Cal to the Midwest where there's like literally no Mexicans, which was what we are. Look, we're doing the Mexican Trail of Tears. Right now at work, I'm having this issue of the dude who is he's like a proud person from connecticut and i know nothing about

people from connecticut but he will not talking about jewish people even before the paragliders he did not i can't talk about movies. He'll just say, oh, feelbirds, you know, he wants to make an ethno state in Israel. Like, oh my fucking god, you know, one cares.

And he's like low heat racist. I was eating like fruit with like, tajim. Tajim. Yep. And he's just like, that's the most Mexican shit ever. I'm like, and I'm like, I fish it back to I tell him like you know what maybe you're just boring like that like so hard to believe like Or you're also like just a poor person who can't afford spices Whoa go back what Whoa, whoa, whoa go back what? Like so like just a poor person who can't afford spices like it's pretty simple He does live in a homeless shelter like I shouldn't and I try like watch what I say I want to be sensitive toward the guy, but he's also made comments about my weight and

Just a little bit. Yeah take it. I'm fucking crazy. And I don't really know what to do about it because no one has my back because I'm like just a Mexican female lead and no one cares about my feelings out here. Spicy latinos in your boss. They're not gonna take kindly to that. HR doesn't, I don't know, they don't care.

Damn. So I don't know just use my please help that job that you work with a guy in a home that is true that's the real I think you need a new job you move from Southern California work with fucking people in homeless shelters he does he have found that in SoCal. Now, now, hold on. He could be doing it for the deal. It's probably the cheapest place to live.

He could be like, well, you gotta move out in the 30s. You can't move into the first. So I'm not going to the hotel. And the stores wouldn't let me stay in the truck. I asked him why. I said I'd give him extra like five5, but they wouldn't let me. Yeah, I mean, there is so much going on in this question. There's a lot.

There is so much. Just moving from like Southern California to like, she said the Midwest, do the Dakotas even count as the Midwest? Like the mid, No, right. I don't consider it that. The Midwest, like the Dakotas make like Milwaukee look

like Paris. Like there's even shittier like Dakota fucking Sucks dick. I know where yeah, it's the middle. I guess it's just the middle. What's the Midwest start? Is that Chicago? Yeah, I mean, I don't know you I would argue that South South Dakota Doesn't quite is like Arizona the Midwest. No, no, that's the west. It's the west. Yeah, but anyway, whatever Yeah, I mean I consider the mid. I mean I guess culturally you consider the Midwest What is the Midwest? I wish I had a computer for me. So I can just Google. What is that? What is the Midwest? I mean, you know, we know what the fuck pretty much. It's like Yeah, there we go. No, they're Western United States. What is it claimed to be yes really that kind of the mideast

and yes the decoders i don't know that i would count them i don't know why they're they see more westerns or whatever we give a fuck who does give them either way it sucks dick that's true yeah that's enough there's enough going on there then the like this one guy yeah this one guy is enough because like what is going on i mean yes he could, he could just be a kind of, an out of his mind, annoying, broke Jew.

I think he could just be dealing with that. And I wouldn't, he just, his thing that he likes to talk about is, you meet people like this though, who are way too proud of their ethnicity. Way too proud. They bring it up all the time, like shut up. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, we're both probably guilty of that. We're not doing it great. I think we, I don't think we are. I think we're trying to be entertaining when we do. We're trying to be entertaining. We're like regular conversation. We're not bringing like people have. Were you guys reading the alphabet?

Oh, we started that, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We kind of took the Phoenicians and just made it better. We're like, they, they was kind of bullshit, but we kind of took it. Alexander the Great, you ever heard of him? He's fucking awesome. So like that's a guy who acts like that in real life.

It's annoying. It's very annoying. And then dealing with being the new person and also being. The new race. Yeah, being a woman and a type of race that they're not familiar with. You're up against a lot here. Why did you move?

I guess you had to, did she say Yldis? No. For work. Oh, this job? Or her husband, or her boyfriend's job? Uh, move. Or her husband. I think she said in the follow up or the first try

that it was like for work or something. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. So I don't, so what is even her question exactly? What does she do? Was she just complaining? I think so. I guess the Jewish is rubbing off on you. Yeah.

What should she do about this annoying racist coworker? Well, listen, that's working at an office. Well, what you could do is outdo him. Go hard on pro-Jewish shit until, oh, pro-Jewish. Yeah, until he gets annoyed and be like, I'm the Jewish, he'll change the subject. Yeah, yeah.

You know, like just. No, he won't. I feel like I got like that mistake. That's a big mistake. He'll love that. He'll love it. He's ready to go back and forth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I had a co-worker like that, like this dude, we weren't saying anything. He was just like listening to Rush Limbaugh on his headphones all day and was trying to talk about Obama, how about our pretender and grief was? The setting call. The pretender and grief. Wow.

I mean, you could start coming to work, maybe put a pro Palestine bumper sticker on your car. Maybe like, now, you know, it kind of bait him into doing something HR worthy. You're gonna get him defied. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. You know what I mean? Just be like, and don't even, don't argue with him, just be like, hey, I'm collecting

money for the children, Palisades Children's Relief Fund. Just signing a position condemning the murder of children. Yeah, exactly. Pick the most, the thing on the opposite side that you can't argue against. I love how these people are so upset that they were, even if it's like relief aid, they're like, No, fuck that's not it! Anti-Semites! Like, you can't!

They're giving fucking turkeys to the homeless. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're an anti-Semite if you want. It's so crazy how well- The few gossin' children that are still around to be able to see a doctor Yeah, I think the breeding at a super high rate and they're catching up with the murders Like guys really like it's a breeding. Oh, that's that's that's the perverts way to like and as everyone knows for God

Yeah, my upbringing told me that the Palestinians have a shorter gestation period Nine-year-olds within a few weeks. Yeah, that's what he learned at school. And so you could just, yeah, I would say maybe slightly goad him into that. And then because she was saying like, I can't really talk to HR, right? Is that basically what you're saying? And which is true, right? Like you should be able to, but we all know that you don't want to be, if you're the new boss.

Is this worth it? Yeah, you don't want to be seen as a tattletale or like, if you're trying to win these people over. HR also is not always the best at not showing you who's. They'd be like, hey guys, so definitely stop eating Bob's leftovers in the fridge. Right, right, right, right. We all know who it was. Yeah, it's like being in's leftovers in the fridge. Right, right, right. I don't know who it was.

Yeah, it's like being in prison where it's like, yeah, you could theoretically call the guard, but then you're gonna get stabbed at the fucking wreck hall, you know? So, um. And he ate my lunch. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So I don't know, I think you're just gonna have to like, I mean, this just is being a boss in a shitty office You have lunatics that you have to get to do your job and I would say you just have to focus on getting out of work hitting your goals and Trying to build some kind of It probably is worse because all you have is work, but now you live in the fucking Dakotas So I would say like try and see if you can make a life

outside of work better while realizing these people suck. And if it's not, I don't know man, go back to fucking LA. Yeah, yeah, maybe get out of there if it sucks so bad. But yeah, I would say you're in a time of a lot of transition where you just kind of want to feel, I don't know, settled a little bit. And it doesn't feel like work is gonna be that, right?

Like work is the paycheck. That's where you make some new friends in a place. Yeah, it can be. How do you make friends not, legit question, not in work. We had comedy, so there's clubhouses that we have like-minded people. That's true, I've struggled with that when my friends of mine like, basically like,

I felt bad because I've always known what I wanted to do and I'm not interested really in making adult friends anymore but the ones I do made came naturally because it was like yeah I see these people all the time and we actually hit it off and we actually want to hang out outside of it whereas like when this motherfucker working in a real office every one of his co-workers sounded horrible every single one like there's a couple that sounded fine but not like the kind of people you'd go out on, hang out with. And then the ones you'd hear about are lunatics.

You know what I mean? So. I think that's how you get start. You start with, we'll go out the co-workers and then their friends. Right. And then like, oh, I should better friend as one of the friends.

Yeah. Then you drop the co-worker. Then you get one of their friends and their friends and their friends. And as much as we just kind of went in on this guy for being too into his ethnicity and shit, like when you're, you could probably try and tap into like the Mexican community if it exists, please just give him a nice blurl this the whole time, make a little note of that.

You put a Jewish star root. You put different things over it. Every time maybe you put a different thing over it. Have some fun with it. But yeah, I don't know. This sucks to me. You put a Jewish star, right? You put different things over it. Every time, maybe you put a different thing over it. Have some fun with it. But yeah, I don't know. This sucks, Dick, and it doesn't feel like

we're gonna be able to help you at all, really. Your life just kinda sucks. You work in South Dakota, and the people are fucking lunatics. Listen to this podcast more, I'd say. Just put those earphones in. But I don't know, I would try and like find community whether that's like some people find it like, you know, like Mexican stuff, you could do like a,

like people get into like weird clubs, adults are climbing gypsies, I know that's stupid, but I just mean like do something that's like kind of, do something, pick up hobbies in your spare time that are kind of social. There is also a way to change the relationship you have with certain people. So like I knew, I've known a few people in comedy

that got kind of like, eventually got kind of like racist. And it was just annoying after a while. And I don't think they are at their core. They just kind of like went that way with jokes. And then it's just like, you just gotta guide the conversation away from it. Totally. And when I was like, see this, what this block I did,

I'm like, oh, look at his pants, it's crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, if you do have to wear those pants in March, and then just like jiggle your keys. Yeah, so like, there's a way to find, even that Jewish guy, like something you connect in, so you can keep changing the subjects to the Yankees, or something you're both interested in,

where you actually can talk. Pretend to get into smoked fish. Yeah, exactly. Pretend you love smoked smoked fish start talking about cedar your stuff is suck herring wow it's so awesome how that doesn't suck yeah but good luck sorry good luck sorry we're not this feels like the kind of person that we could benefit from talking to actually in person so get some questions maybe we never do back we do we do one one the month we do a patreon where we have it through discord and people call in it's pretty fun just court all you guys to do

that yeah that is rad a stopy are you doing baby love the show love podcast keep doing what you're doing because I've got a problem with one of my buddies and We're in the dispute over 40 bucks So I'd tell him he and I went to go visit my cousin my cousin had been drinking the night before Wanted to go to a sauna to sweat out the hangover I'll go to a sauna we go to a Russian bath house a banya to a sauna, we go to a Russian bath house, a banya, you know, locker room, you change into a towel and then you go into a sauna, steam room, shower and that sort of thing. So, we're fine, we all go in.

Obviously, you see naked dudes in there but it's fine. We sweat it out, feel better, we leave the banya. Then in the parking lot, we're driving out and this dude stops our car and makes me roll down the window and he says, uh, you guys gay? You want to, you want to fuck? And I was like, no, no, sorry. Like, we're good. And we took off, we got out of there.

And one of my friends left my phone in there. My cousin's fine. He's like, he's like yeah whatever. My friend will not stop mentioning that the whole bath house is a gay place now, won't fucking calm down, whatever, drop him off. Venmo request, my cousin and him for the 40 bucks it cost to get into the sauna, that's where this comes in. My cousin pays me back and my friend he said, dude, that's on you.

That place is gay. Wow. You're fucking trying to make me gay and you won't give me my 40 bucks. And I think that he's struggling with some sort of, you know, repressed sexual feelings. He's a pretty openly behemoth, you know, homophobes. Got any advice for me? Maybe this is a bigger problem than 40 bucks. Maybe I gotta help my friend out here,

but I would like the money first, so. Yeah, let me help you. He's like, how dare you, how dare you take me to that place? You know, I've been back three times. I go back and I argue with them about how gay it is. And I just, I'm there for a couple hours arguing. So if you see, I know you have my location. And if you see me that I've been there

for two hours a night the last week is cause I'm telling them how pissed off I am and how gay that place is. I mean, dude, this is insane. This is like. I mean, first and foremost, he owes you that 40 bucks. I mean, that's a non-negotiable. Without question, it's like, okay, man, well, if we got.

Also, you went in. You didn't stop at like, what the F and left. And you didn't have gay sex. You mean like, cause- You borrowed the 40 and it's like, well, it wasn't what I expected. I'm like, no, no, you borrowed the 40. You just chose to come.

100%. Like, as soon as he's covering you, what happened? Can you imagine, he was like, hey, cover me this meal? I'm like, the meal was bad, I'm not to come. 100%. Like, as soon as he's covering you, what happens? Can you imagine, he's like, hey, cover me this meal? I'm like, the meal was bad, I'm not paying you back. Yeah, that's insanity, dude. That's crazy. Well, it came out burnt. I'm like, I pay, I also paid.

What the fuck, it was bad for me too. Why, I should have to pay 80 bucks. So, I mean, not wanting to pay you 40 bucks, I'm not even kidding, I'm not exaggerating. That is grounds for not being friends with this person anymore. Yeah, it's good to do that. Because this is like a fucking, how a child thinks of money, right?

Like, I didn't have a good time. I don't have to pay you. That's crazy. That's number one. And then being a vehement homophobe, that's also grounds for maybe not being friends. Like, is he your best friend? Did he save you in Iraq?

Like, how much do you owe this guy? Cause like, these are two things where I'm like, each one of them separately is like, why, it really makes you think why am I friends with him? My friends is this Welsh who doesn't hate, who hates kids. Actually just like that's a Welsh. That's just anybody from Wales. Yeah, yeah. So, yeah, from Wales. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, yeah, I mean this is fucking crazy. I will say, as someone, it's in my culture to go to saunas and bathhouses. Right, and not to pay people back. And not to pay people back. Those are two things that I actually can weigh on this. And to complain about, complain about how you didn't have a good time

so you don't actually owe anyone money. You owe them the money for sure. I will say, it is separately, it is annoying how the gays will take over a bathhouse Sure, they can a different thing, but at the same time you kind of know But you know just so I know a couple in New York that are just hetero ones and then you go on the road like bathhouse And it's like only all dude disco night, right? You know what it is like? How do I find a hero? You know, it's kind of the way well we started the podcast, you're talking about like massage pause with locks on the doors.

It's like if you go to a bath house and they're playing share, probably get out of there. Unless you want to get sucked off in which case pretty fun. The one I go to has a, because a lot of Hasidic Jews has an all male day or like morning.

And I was like, okay, I'll go to that. And one time I was like, hey, one bath house. And they're like, oh, it's all men today. And they looked at me weird and I'm like, yeah, I'll go to that. And one time I was like, hey, one bath house. And they're like, oh, it's all men today. And they looked at me weird and I'm like, yeah, I'm a man. I'm a man. I was like, come on, this doesn't preclude me. And I'm not a very great man.

I'm a man, at least. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I got down there and I was like, oh, I see what you're saying. They put their phones in the door hedges and they're literally playing disco. Somebody was like, hey, you don't know, it's all dudes, so you don't need those shorts. I was like, hey, you don't know, it's all dudes. You don't need those shorts.

I'm like, okay, take the shorts off. I'm like, nah, probably they already are. So probably just leave them, leave them on. I suppose it's pretty leery. Here's the problem when coming in contact with gays is that most men, heterosexual men, don't realize what creeps all men are. They've never really seen it.

Never had that power focused towards you. Right, and so you see, well this is terrible. So I would say, dude, just have your friend just realize what it's like to be a woman all the time. It is annoying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And take it as a learning experience. And then just like, I don't know,

find a hetero bath house, they're still fun. Yeah, absolutely. And you have to just be like, hey man, you owe me, explain to him what we just said. It's like, you owe me the money. You owe me the money, man. If I paid. And you have just be like, hey man, you own explain them what we just said It's like you owe me the money. Oh me the money man If I paid for your lunch and it was burned you'd still Exactly, exactly and it's not like you took him to a gay place like some like I would even he would still be wrong Yeah, but I would even listen to him if while in the sauna and you're having a schvitz two guys came in and started jacking each other off in front of you then let's go out of here be wrong

but he'd be like what the fuck man why did you take me to a gate cuz he can't even in this he has no argument for you taking him to a gate place outside of the sauna two guys propositioned you for gay sex that's not you taking him to a gay place this guy's a fucking piece of shit. He owes you the money. He owes you the money. Like, you gotta start there and then, I mean, if you wanna be, if he's a really good friend and you wanna be like, hey man,

why does this bother you so much? And make him work through it. But my guess is, you're not gonna be able to do that. This is something. This guy feels like 10 steps away. If he is closeted, he's 10 steps away from realizing it. Yeah, he's gonna fight it a while. He's not on the front.

He's gonna fight it and it's not gonna be you. And I hate to say this, but unless this guy's a very close friend and maybe he is. Cousin. This is like, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's your boyfriend. Unless he's a really close friend, it's like, you might need to, if he doesn't pay the 40 bucks, dude,

I honestly wouldn't fuck. I would be like, I would not hang out with this person. I'm serious And it's not about the money It's about the principal to be clear right like I'd give my friend needed 40 dollars I'd give him 40 dollars, but if you just try to get one over a lot to this guy But still you gotta pay back you gotta pay back you borrow money you gotta pay back totally I loaned money to DS once in his heavy coke face He's like 200 bucks and 200 bucks and he was like, hey, I already got 200 bucks, I need 200 bucks.

And I was like, a new young comic kind of broke. And I was like, I didn't know how to say no to him. Yeah, of course. But in my head, and he's like, legit criminal at the time. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, all right, well, we'd owed last time. He could have asked me for 400, so I'm out 200. He's never going to pay me back.

Right. And I just won't ever have to loan him again. Exactly. Pay him back two days later. Wow. Yeah, never never never were negged on anything. He just got through the paydays Wow this does remind me of a story Okay, please I Was with Tom Segura mm-hmm. I believe Burke Christcher Mm-hmm and me and we're at a hotel somewhere and we went to the steam room at the hotel Great fine.

You suck both their cocks. Well if you're gonna just rule it out. I'm sorry man, I didn't mean to step on your story. I can still taste it. You know so we're down there some old dude is in there and then he just like he looks at the, me and Tommy, I think Bert had just was just about to come in or we just left not a hundred percent sure he just takes his towel and opens it and stares at Tom and just goes like this and we're like okay because we're also like you

know whenever you go to one of these things or a locker room you're like what's the vibe gonna be what's the status quo I don't want to live if there's a bunch of old dudes with their cocks out, then that's just it. They're just old dudes who are comfortable. So like, okay. And you're like, is this just the way? And then he starts like talking and he starts nagging me.

Nagging me, nagging me up and down. What's his dick doing? Is his dick twitching? Steamy in there. Okay, all right. And then he just goes to me, it's like, hey, you seem like you're pretty like worn out You should probably like take a break and I was like I looked at Tom and Tom's just like

And I was like I realized it's the right thing to do to leave now And I'm like yeah, okay Just leave Tom to the gay wolves throw your friends in the fucking steam room with a guy that wants to suck his pot. He wants it so bad, but it was just like hotel steam room. It's not a gay bath house. It's just a hotel steam room. It's like when fucking Pee Wee Herman did it, it was in a gay movie. It wasn't in the fucking Titanic. Right, right, right, right, right, right.

So I leave, Tom's like, I'm like, see you man. That's awesome. Shut the door hard. And he came out pretty quickly. Yeah. I would love to say it was just enough time to get it done, but it was not enough time to get it done. Yeah.

That's so fucking funny. Yeah. They just leave him in there with a guy that wants to fuck him. Yeah, and then it was like, what's that? And then also we start talking about, like, how come me and not you? And he's like, well, there's bears. There's bear hunters. Right, right, right.

This guy wanted a fat dude, so then Bert goes, I'm going in. Holier. Just test. He was in there for 10 seconds, and the guy just walks out disgusted. This guy wanted a fat dude so then Bert goes I'm going in He was in there for 10 seconds and the guy just walks out disgusted That's awesome cuz you know it hurt Bert's feelings like Bert wanted the guy to come on to him and didn't be like no These times is like a set in fact yours like a new pushed out fat. No thanks, you want it too much. Yeah, he put out that desperate please suck my dick energy. I like the fuck heterosexual dudes. And you wanted it too much. Interesting, interesting.

That's fucking hilarious. It was great. That's fucking hilarious. Yeah. Where was that steam room? I think it was in Atlanta. Atlanta, huh? Elders, at a tour date

hahahahahah i was going to atlanta next week hahahahahah i had the 80s age too he was the one survivor he was like that chicken 28 weeks later hahahahahah uh... fuck

what do we got eldy? do we got any good ones? how long have we been going? i've lost track so i'm having a good time yeah what are we doing here? uh... 121 right now oh nice let's do a couple more hey stop eldest love the show um basically I have a master plan to kind of get back in

my X in a way yeah nice it was my best relationship I've ever been in I have no complaints about her or anything maybe you don't accept for the fact that she was very close with this one Dude who she was never really truly honest about what her relationship was They were like romantically involved. What do you mean you have a plan like very clearly immediately? She broke up with you. Yeah, this is so insane to be like if back You broke up with telling us. us, yeah, yeah, yeah. Telling us like what you had a problem with. It was my best relation ever.

As if that matters. Of course, like anyway, whatever. Let's see what he has to say. Open the past, and that he was just kind of an asshole to her. And it kind of rubbed me the wrong way. Pause, pause again. Eventually when we broke.

So there is something that men and women will, without being able to fully comprehend it in their brain, tap into. And when a woman's like, hey, I don't want you fucking that friend. And you're like, I didn't know it, and they just know that you do. Or if a guy's like, we'll can break up,

but don't fuck around. Or just you get an inkling of a jealousy. You always know who, yeah. There's a reason you're getting jealous. There's something going on. You can't even quite put your finger on it or define it, but it is there. Or just even, and it's like,

you can tell by the way they talk about them. Like this definitely happened to me where it was like a girl I was dating. She just mentioned a friend of a friend in a way where I was like, this guy's gonna fuck her if we break up. Not when we break up. And you sound like a lunatic if you fuck one. Not when we break up.

And you sound like a lunatic if you said that. And then he fucked her. But you did right. And then we get back together and then I was like, she let it slip that she had like, like again, I didn't give a fuck that she fucked other people when we weren't together. It's like whatever, I fucked a bunch of girls.

But it was just like that it was that guy. And I was just like, who was, she let it slip that she fucked like a friend at that friend who was a friend of it, like a party she hooked up with somebody. And I was like, who was, she let us, she felt like a friend, at that friend who was a friend of, at like a party she looked up with somebody. And I was like, who was it? And then dude, we're just having a fucking fight in like a smoothie shop.

And I'm like, and I'm like mad at her, but I can't, because it's my fault we weren't dating. You know what I mean? Like, I was like, I don't even care that you fuck other guys, but this fucking guy, you know, I was just going, and I have no leg to stand on. It's the worst fight to be in, because I'm in the wrong in almost every way. It's just like It was the one guy would have bothered me you would have fucked you

I could tell you anytime you say just we can break up, but don't mess around with that person You are pushing them together. Oh, don't say it. That's crazy, but you don't have to say you know that it's gonna happen It happens every fucking time anyway So this guy had that he had he had he had a spidey sense and she was like who's that asshole? But okay, but there's another thing too She was you you be also wary of the guy or the girl that your ex is over talking about We're talking about what a dumb bitch. She is or what an idiot. It's like they're correcting for their feelings They're exactly there. Yes, we, I mean, it's tough to,

we saw terrible things with their, Yeah. And we saw some. Oh, let's bleep this part out, Eldis. I don't want anything to do with this. Some woman on a date went to the bathroom, got hit on by a friend of mine, and they went, didn't know her.

Then they went to the bathroom and fucked. Oh my God. In the bathroom, on a guy, she met in the hallway. Oh my God. While on a date. Listen, that's a lot of alley people. She's on a date with one of your friend? What?

She's on a date with a friend? No, she's on a date with a customer. On a date with a customer, a famous guy. Nope. Not even famous? Nope, not even. Was it on the show at least? Good with women, for sure.

Good with women, but was he on the show? No. Wow. Later, but not even. And it was the dead days of the shit. There was like 100 people in there. It wasn't like, ah. That's crazy.

So then, Dayfock come back, she straightens herself up, we're like, oh, he goes, yeah. Cause this guy used to like pull checks. Right, that was his move. Yeah. And then she goes back and sits with the date and gets overly cuddly because she's making up for it. Oh my God.

She saw her like being more like showy and kissing next. Huh, you smell like cum. Your cum, it's in my brain. Ha ha ha ha. And it's like she has to correct it. Wow, that's demonic, dude. That's like that. So after seeing a bunch of those things coming from just being a formerly religious Jew and

seeing what actually men and women are capable of but only focusing on the women, you're like, I can't have a relationship for a long time. Oh, interesting. Because this is what they all are. Oh, dude, that's even crazier too to consider that part of your development. Yeah. Coming from religious Judaism to that within a year or two.

That's crazy. No wonder you're fucking out of your mind about like monogamy and shit like that. Like you would have enough, of course you wouldn't have a real like a normal. They all just fuck randos in the bathrooms. Yeah. It's just a super slut. That's just a super slut. Oh my god. All right, sorry. Let's get to this guys thing. So anyway, so that's what you're saying when there are too much of like, well that guy's an asshole.

And I've, by the way, I've been, I've been guilty of that too where I'm like, dude this ex I fucking hate her and then we break up and it's like, I happen to fuck the ex the next time I bump into her. You know what I mean? Like, everyone's, it's You're making up for it by saying you hate her. So that's that's also a little tip Don't don't be too obvious folks. Don't overdo it. So anyway, that's what his girl was doing She was saying her ex was an asshole. Go ahead eldest relationship was she never told me that they were like romantically involved in the past And that he was just kind of an asshole to her And it kind of rubbed me the wrong way

And that he was just kind of an asshole to her and it kind of rubbed me the wrong way Eventually when we broke up she didn't cite him as the reason why we were breaking up, but It kind of felt like that so I was like well, I don't really want to talk to you again anyways Couple months go by this was a couple months ago. I find out that this dude is insanely shitty to her and She did on her last month like all this shit Anyways, all of her family still fucking love me. They love me so much

I see her mom all the time and her dad very often and they love me her mom is always inviting me over I'm thinking that yeah man you know how women work how women go they're always tre traditionally attracted to not the bad boy asshole but the nerd her mother and father love that's who she that's who the girl always ends up with is the guy who's very respectful and that who her father also thinks is a good guy. He's trying to say I'm the rightful heir to the throne. Yeah. Yeah. I actually deserve this. So the finalized, everybody likes me. It's like this guy's a dick to her. And I'm not saying that guy's a good guy, but it's like... He cheated on her. It's like, well, she cheated on you, dude. So she's also a whore. Let's just, before we

fully take this guy down and shatter his world. Let's see what he has to say Should go to her mom's house and Cook her mom a very very nice meal my family has been very good Jewish recipes that we could But I could you know pull out. Oh, yeah, and you know run some for time with your little brother yeah we have pastrami sandwich the only good thing the only good food you have I what this recipe I cooked at the local deli it's a ball of dough in fucking in chicken chicken stock and the grossest fish you ever I like how we just refers I have some good ones I could pull out like name one name a single one waiting gefilte fish in name a single one literally anyway whatever let's let's

finish very good Jewish recipes that we could I could you know pull out and you know run some fortnight with her little brother I don't know we'll see how it goes but it's less of a get back it's I'm still here, I'm still here. Anyways, let me know what you think, whether or not I should go through with this plan. Love the show, keep doing what you're doing. We love you too, man, but you're so, you're so, this is the most down bad.

You want to believe this is going to work, it's so gonna work against you. Every time I've seen a guy say, I wanna show this lady that she fucked up by breaking up with me, it was like, what you're looking for is for her to cry, right? You wanted to cry, but oh my God, it was so unbreakable. You're not gonna get that.

So all you're really doing is making her now lose all good memories of you. Well, and he clearly wants to get back with her. Obviously. You know, it's not like get back at her, it's back with her. Back with her, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's like, that's not gonna work, dude.

It's not gonna work. You're completely in the wrong direction. It's got a much, sorry, go ahead. No, it's like, everything you're doing is almost textbook the wrong thing. And even like- Swingers. It's like, you gotta forget her first.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're still in the early stages of the swingers. That's actually exactly right. You have to forget. And here's the thing, you forget and then maybe it can happen again, but it won't. Probably it won't. You have to stop caring. If you forget, it's almost like she has to get run back to you know what I mean? She has to do her she has to do her like onboarding paperwork again if you forget it. You know what I mean? You're actually not over it at all. So you're in the mode of still being broken up with.

You're so not over it. So you're not getting bad. You're delusional. This is literally like, what's the stages of grief, Eldest? You're at bargaining right now. Let's go through it. Stages of grief.

It's like Fortnite with her brother. And they won't see a sad list. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression. You're literally, this is literally it. Like you're denial. Now you're angry at the guy. He was, he treated her bad. Yep.

Okay. He was just really shabby or he cheated on her. So I was a good guy, she found a bad guy, she was duped. She definitely wasn't an adult who made a decision that she liked this guy. Yeah, dude, it's just like. Also, she was lying, so you said she kinda lied to you about having had a relationship with him before.

Yeah, she just liked that guy more, dude. So she's not the greatest like the greatest and also he's the other he sounds young as hell, right? Yeah, he's probably young We've and again, I'm sorry to be hard on you. This is how this has happened to me, too I was way too into a girl and I've been to this exact stage that you're through where I'm like no What can I do to make it whatever and like I so just told me this where he was fucking wrong with somebody on stage And they were saying that. It's like McCord whatever whatever it's like, oh fuck her. And then he goes, ah man, you just gotta go through it.

And then he goes to all these older people go, yeah that's actually it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't tell him how to be. It's just like you'll just grow. This is something you're gonna go through. You're just gonna go through this man and you're like, look, her family, forget about her family.

Forget about her fucking family. You're not, this isn't gonna happen, brother. They suck. You're just like. I heard the killing Palsdian babies. Yeah, that is, well, he said it, not me, folks. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And so, I just like, you just, you're just,

I mean, even hearing his voice, I just kinda wanna give this kid a hug and like get high, buy him some pizza and like let him just fucking cry in the corner while me and Elvis play Mario tennis You know what I mean like you're just going through it brother going through it and I've been there too I'm like how that guy's bad for her. You know, it doesn't fucking matter That guy's bagged you gotta like move on and also like he was insanely shitty or what he got a little head on the side Like insanely shitty like that's what? He got a little head on the side. Insanely shitty, that's not true.

By the way, buddy, you know people that have done that to women, and you don't cut them out of your life. You're just a sad kid whose heart broken right now. No amount of matzah balls or fucking Fortnite wins are bringing this girl back. Nothing you can do right now can bring her back because you're so in your own head.

You're being a fucking pussy, and a pussy's not to win this lady back. Yeah, I mean that actually is all it is. That's basically what I'm saying. But good luck. I really do feel for you. This sucks. Dude, I remember when I first went over through some breakups, so I'd been through it in the last in the five years prior, you know, and so then my friends went through it just like a little younger member, Nick Youssef going through one and then just going like, oh, I know the path now. You are going, you're in for some shit for about six months

and then you won't think about it anymore. And there's no way to lessen the shit or lengthen it. Hopefully it doesn't go one of those four year, like I never stop thinking about things. Hopefully it's like three months only, but like you're just gonna be in this shit till it's done. Yeah. And I mean, I've heard the rule of thumb

is at least half the time you're in the relationship. And by the way, it still lingers. It still lingers. Even when it's like, I'm totally over my last relationship truly, like to the point where I like went through too much of a, it feels like this whole tour has been a little bit of a hoe phase where it's like, it should be a couple months where you're getting out there,

but because of the way my life is set up, I haven't been able to actually connect with a human being truly. And I'm just like ready for the next, I kind of want to, at least, I don't know if I'm ready for a serious relationship, but I want to be like, all right, I just want to like know some people

and like try it out, whatever. Go on like four dates and see. Exactly, I'd like to go on a couple dates. I'm like, I'm second leaf. It's like, all right, this is like dehumanizing. Right, and it's a certain point. For me, yeah, I'm second leaf. It's like, all right, this is like dehumanizing. Right, and it's the point, for me too. For me, yeah, I'm the point where I'm like, oh man. But even I'll have tremors of not even that relationship,

but even just like maybe like a little situation ship that was like a couple months or like even past girls. It's like, it's natural for like old sadness is to flare up every once in a while, but not to the point where you are thinking, planning like, surprise, you're what, she's gonna come back one day after riding on some guy's motorcycle and getting fingered at the movies and she's gonna see you doing puzzles with her grandma and she's gonna be like, wow, I should fuck this guy.

Yes, you want a good guy. She's not in that stage. No, exactly. And that's the thing, she's young too. That's the point I was making before we just started roasting him and it's easy to do but it's like why your girlfriend's getting roasted by dick she does yeah she's young too she's gonna want so she's gonna make mistakes you're gonna make mistakes and it's like some people just you

meet him at the wrong time am I I coming through this, Elders? I am. Yeah, okay, anyway. It's also like, she's not gonna regret this. She's just gonna be like, I've been assholes to people, but she's not gonna like, I wish I hadn't, I had stayed with that guy. She's just gonna be like, yeah, I mistreated some people, but you know what I wish I hadn't, it's just like. No, and by the way, it's not gonna be soon either.

In 10 years, she'll be like, oh, that guy was nice. She should have better. And she won't be like, well I guess I wasn't an asshole. But she's like, no, I'm gonna throw you up and I'll get back with an X. Dude, she might even be like, oh I was kind of a bitch to him. I've done that where I'm like, in my 20s I was like, oh. But she won't like cry, like I wish I hadn't done this.

She'll feel bad about it, right? She'll feel bad about doing it to someone. But she won't be like, I made a huge mistake. No, no. Move on buddy, sorry. We just kind of destroyed you for like 10 minutes, but move on. We love you We care about you In a way that this woman never will if you really want to get back at her if you're Jewish know these recipes make it like rain near

Her house For like a while so I could change all that's a good point That's a good point. All right. I'll just maybe one nice one What do you think some nice to take us home some nice take us home? Bobby baby rent from Detroit So me and the boys right so here's the question so me and the boys We get some tickets to see our favorite comedian back in October It's gonna be a night. We're gonna go to the casino. We're gonna go to the show. I'm gonna get drinks We're gonna tie one on that night. It's gonna be a night. We're going to go to the casino. We're going to go to the show. My bad. We're going to get

drinks. We're going to tie one on that night. It's going to be a night. We're going to fucking rage. And then come to find out a day or two before the show. The comedian reschedules a show because he fucked around against against COVID. Like who's 2023? Who's getting COVID? I know. I just do the show anyway. The show to February. So we're thankful. so we just have to postpone the ranger it's February So here's the question so weekend of the new show Apparently my wife's cousin like her closest cousin is getting married. She's standing up in the wedding

We got to go out of town for it And I'm saying yo I Got this show to go to yeah, so I'm on the borderline of getting divorced over this so maybe You might have some advice on to what I could take my wife Or maybe I've even complained the advice for my wife on what I should do here The divorce and come see my favorite comedian and raise with the boys or Sort of this total wedding and forever live in shame and regret.

Let me know, Stavi. Wow. I love that, Eldest, you played this on an episode that likely will come out after these shows. Oh, shit. To February, but. Wait, well, oh, it'll be the week before. It'll be the week before.

OK, OK. The week before, yeah. I will be in Boston at the Wilbur in February, but okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I had an answer. Please. You gotta explain to her. So anyway, it's her friend's thing.

It's her cousin's wedding. It's her cousin's wedding. And be like, babe, I love you and I support you. And I want you to go to this. It means less to me than it means to you. And I'm not saying I want you to not go, but I'm saying in this antiquated system of weddings and I get why they're still important emotionally. And I'm not saying you shouldn't go,

but to me and my friends, if I'm gonna look back on this 10 years from now, do you understand how important friendship is to me? Right. And don't say like, don't give me shit. Just go, hey, these are gonna be these lifelong memories for me that are actually really important to me. And this wedding, it is also important to you.

Right. And if you had a ticket to this show, I wouldn't say, no, fuck that, you gotta come with us. I would understand, like, oh, the thing that's gonna give you the memories is this wedding. Right. So we should go separate to these. Yeah, ooh, I love it. We should go to the wedding,

and I should go to this show of this rascal. What's this, like, what kind of wedding is it? Is it a daytime wedding? You get to the late show, buddy. How far away is it? Is it in the same town? Did he say where it is? Yeah, if it's a daytime thing, you could go,

you could do an Irish goodbye, get there, shake hands, and then like, fucking, let me take off. And actually worked out with your wife, and if her wife was cool, she'd be like, that's the way to do it. So then no one thinks you fucking slighted them. No. They just think, hey, I think it's on the side of the way.

You go to the ceremony, you make sure to take some pictures. Make sure to take some pictures. And then you're out, and listen, if you have tickets. Have a takeaway suit. If you have things for the early show, and you have to come to the late show, we will change them for you.

Change it. If that works out. That's two with four. We will do that, we will do that. I mean, see, right, I don't know who he's talking about. He says Detroit, wherever we're. He did say we have to go out of town for the wedding, but. How far is that a town?

And is it same day-day? Probably is. It can't be like get back in town. Question for the week. So here's the question for the weekend. Well, here's where you fucked up. Well, it's not you fucked up. My wife's cousin is like her closest cut is getting married. So it's like, I know, but it's her cousin. Can you lie to your wife?

I don't think that's the way to go. Can it be a better? Can it be a better? I think you empower the wife to tell her, to tell you to skip the wedding. There's no way. Elders, if you're, neither one, we're so, neither one of us has a normal relationship with a woman, you know what I mean? And so, Elders, if you're in this position,

if there's no way you could, could you in a similar position with your wife be like, hey, I had, let's say your Atlantic city trip. All right? I'm gonna see this fucking Taylor Swift. You know, I know she's important to you. Yes, yeah, stuff Elders would like. It's like, we've had tickets for a while.

It's like 500 bucks on the tickets. I'm a little easier ticket than Taylor. But let's say it's for something. You're going to see a Jimmy Buffett cover band with your boys in Atlantic City. They've all been, they've gotten time off from work. You have a very generous Boss that will let you take unlimited vacation time provided we're not on tour or recording at the time

and so What could you we could you say hey me and the boys have had this on the docket? What do you think? It would depend I think I like I probably could get out of it, but I probably personally Would not it wouldn't be worth it to like yes pain for to get a pain for but it's about how much you are looking forward I'm gonna use a lot of husband PTO on this one. Yeah, that's the thing It's a you could do it But you're gonna be making it up to and look let I'll be honest with you man if you've seen the special

I got maybe 15 20 you minutes I'll do 20 minutes of crowd work you're gonna see 20 minutes that were on the special yeah you were gonna see it before the special was recorded it was gonna be way more special at the time it was gonna feel cool I'm just gonna be completely honest with you, man. This ain't the show to ruin your marriage over. It's gonna be good No one's gonna be mad. We're gonna enter. It's gonna be entertaining. I'm gonna do more crowd work People seem to like crowd work. We're about getting a friend. Where are we playing in Detroit? What's the what's the venue called? I Think it's a venue that actually you get it's not like one of these big theaters You can actually I think it's a music venue where you're it's not like one of these big theaters you can actually

i think it's a music venue where film or yeah the film where you're kind of near the crowd there in april have you been there before no pull up the let's see what the pictures look like i'll tell you let's see what this venue looks like if i can do crowd work in it it might be worth it okay looks nice looks nice pretty much got a classic name even though it's all the

same who is nice. Damn. Okay. Yeah, it's gonna be a good show. Looks like a great place to do Molly under a chandelier. Yeah, anyway, whatever, dude. Look, I'm just gonna be honest with you, man. It ain't gonna be my most groundbreaking stuff. Okay. Dave Chappelle performed there. I mean, okay, that's nice.

That's nice. So you let him off the hook easy. Yeah, it's like the thing. You're probably going to get too drunk to get thrown at anyway. Yeah, and also, yeah, the boys on a casino weekend actually sounds like some of the worst audience members. Yeah, I suppose. You just actually got a lot of them.

Yeah, man, love your wife. Stick with her. But yeah, dude, it's like you have to decide, you can get out of it but you will have to use some husband PTO and I don't know man, I don't know what to tell you here. This is the top one. I just don't think that husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends should have to go

to these weddings of people that are unconcerned. It's this idea that you have to take your date this person person you're with, when it's like, why would they want to waste a night too? Did he say if his wife is like very, very wants him to go? I know she's close, but like- Right, right. He didn't say if she really wants him there, just that it's supposed to be there. There's a plus one. Interesting. Yeah, I mean, yeah, you can talk to her about it. I mean, does she she really care But she's the other thing she might not care, but it's also a big like People are gonna ask her why your husband's not I guess so but like I went to Joe lists wedding and Sarah's and it's like a great wedding Yeah, and I had a girlfriend at the time like why don't you bring a girlfriend? It's like why man?

It's because all my friends are here But you're not a regular motherfucker. I should baby sit someone who barely knows anybody? Your brain was cooked in like a nice stew by the Jews until you were 18, 19, 20 and then you immediately started being a doorman at the comedy store. Yes. You went from one extreme to the other. True. You're a fucking strange guy and I know what you're saying that does make sense and it was fun as shit. It was probably would have been less fun was probably less fun. It would have been less fun But what's his vibe right like sometimes you I know this is sometimes you like the family you married into and maybe he's a fun Guy, maybe what if he's the wedding fun guy, and they're like, where's fucking Danny?

He sounds like a fun guy So you're gonna have to think about this. Does your wife really want you there? How much does she want you there? And is it worth making a sacrifice? And it might be. It's what you have lined up sounds like a fun-ass weekend. She will get over it. I mean, I do it.

I've done it for two decades where I'm like, I'm actually booked on the road that week, I can't get out of it. That's my work and they go, I understand. That's different. It is different, but they can get over it. It's not like you had work that week and you didn't come to my fucking brother's wedding

and he'll never let me live this down. And here's the other thing. They get over it. Here's the other thing. You can also spin it as like the guys took their time, like the guys took time off their job. Like we made these plans. I'm letting everybody down.

I don't know what to do. It's the second time. The comedian rescheduled ones. So like everyone had to kind of reschedule plans and reshuffle We really were looking for it. It's not hey, babe If this is a regular this was a rescheduled date I'd be there you have a little stuff to talk about here And it's a matter of like do you want to arm yourself with that and sacrifice what you must sacrifice?

Or would you rather you know take the coward's route like L. De Sulla also? Is it open bar? Oh, true. You gotta know the specifics. How cool is this wedding gonna be? How cool is the wedding? Is it gonna be a really cool wedding and do you like your family?

Is it gonna be karaoke? Cash bar automatically. Is there gonna be a caricature artist where it makes you play baseball with a big head? Yeah. Cause I've been to some great weddings. I've been to some dog shit weddings. Dog shit weddings suck. And there's some weddings where it's like yeah, like you know, Joe's was great marks was great

I think weddings need an overhaul. What are you thinking? Like okay, it's a celebration, right? Mm-hmm. That's what it is. I'll just is waiting by the way. Sorry eldest It was also fucking awesome It's a celebration. Yeah, that's what it is. So when I think of celebrations I don't ever think of linens on a table You know, that's not the way I celebrate if if you did the beacon and you went or fucking six fucking shows the lyric Right, right, right. It's like let's celebrate. Let's let loose. It's not let's all sit down and assign seating Right, right, that's true. Now. It's go to an iPod, let's rage a little bit,

walk, come over, play video games, watch some dumb fucking YouTube videos. It's like, it needs an overhaul to what celebration is. I'm with you there, I think, and that's what our friend here's wedding was great, because it was like, we had a small dinner, and then it's like, we went out to two awesome bars. Great. We got fucked up.

Great. Let's get fucked up with bars. Great. We got fucked up. Great. Let's get fucked up with the boys. Let's get fucked up. Let's fuck it. You know, and it was great. It was like the best version, cause you're right.

It should be what you normally do to celebrate, but the best version of that. You've rented out. Rent out a nice place. You've rented it out. You know what I mean? Like you're getting a nice- If you like dancing, have some dancing on the side.

Right, right, right, right. Let's do some dancing. Absolutely. Yeah. Joe's wedding was nice. Hey, dancing on the side right right right right do some dancing. Absolutely Yeah, Joe's wedding was nice. Hey, here's a box of cigars. That's fine. That was awesome Marks was fucking he that little that set up there was awesome, dude. Yeah, we walked up and down the street It's like a fun activity. Yeah, the best was so yeah, what's that? I went to one, okay? Privates, I won't say who okay. Yeah. Yeah, tell me. It rented out a sleepaway camp. Ooh, that's funny shit.

Three days, we had scavenger hunts. We had the blob, which you, Jonathan, took it. Yeah, we had a friend who rented a nice house, like a big house, and basically did that. Had like a nice weekend. Party for the weekend. That's bomb. If everyone needs a vacation, this will be it.

And on our word, dumb love. Yeah, my cousin had a great make. Like, she had her, her eldest actually went to this wedding just because we were in Greece together. Yeah, my cousin had a great make, like she had her eldest actually went to this wedding just because we were in Greece together. And it was a great. The production? It was, what's that? The production of Greece together?

Yeah, yeah, we went to, yeah, I played Danny Zuko. Okay, nice. He played Rizzo. No, it was in Greece and it was like, she fucking rented out a boat and we went like fucking beach Cruising and then we like and then we had like a night of like the traditional Wedding dancing all this other shit and then we had a final night where it was like in the village that she grew up in

Our friend had a had a restaurant. We had like a nice meal. It was fucking great. So if it's like a fun wedding with cool stuff You have to wait how fun the wedding is. Yeah dog shit wedding. Maybe take the You know, I mean like just come over dude come to the side of the end of a glorious bastard It's like but your superior said you couldn't do it. He'll hold like fire goes nah, he'll be sore, but he'll get over So I mean like she'll be sore at you. Yeah, if it's If it's divorceable or is it just like she's mad for a week? Yeah, can you make it up? So anyway, we'd love to see you. Keep your expectations lowest to the quality of the show. Let me reiterate that.

Yeah. I won't have written any. I'm about to take, I've taken January. It is January and I've taken the month easy. Yeah, it is January. You know? We just got done, that's love down. Just got done skiing, getting jacked off at the month easy. Yeah, it is January. We just got done. Just got done skiing.

Getting jacked off in the hot tub. In fact, why don't we go down for a second, sorry. Let's go get jacked off by Eldis in the hot tub again. Eldis, you give it a double hander? The Greek tweak? Come on, buddy. That's going to do. Yeah, you want to plug some dates?

I'll be there. My big dates are, well, January, happened at the Palace of Fine Arts, but the three shows of the Wilbur in Boston is big, Toronto in April's big, 420 in Austin's big. Ooh, baby, go to ari-what-is-ari-shapier.com. AriShaFear.com, which is a whole wrong side of history tour.

You gotta name all these days. AriShaFaropolis. Faropolis. Go see him live, folks. Come to- I'm starting a new podcast. Oh. You'll be trippin'.

I will be on there. You'll be trippin'. I love it. I'm there. And we will be in Detroit Grand Rapids and Dallas making up some dates in the coming weeks. Like I said, you know, not gonna be- I'm not- I don't have any material guys. I just fucking put out a special

I didn't think these shows were gonna happening. I got COVID Yeah, it'll be a lot of crowd work Get ready to hear that Come armed with your New Year's resolutions folks What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this?

What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this?

What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this?

What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this? So you get like older and wiser and we start calling you elders elders elders Sula Eldest the elder Beautiful. All right, that's gonna do it for us folks. Thank you. We'll see you next time Oh, one last thing to plug go ahead. I think Danny Brown and Billy strings should do an original song together Okay, I think you can fucking rule please Danny Brown Billy's drink exactly plugs. It's different genres completely It's like a look I don't know girl strings and it's right he rules and it's psychedelic bluegrass. I don't know bluegrass strings. And it's, he rules.

And it's psychedelic bluegrass. You'll love it. It's a fucking concert. It's just a fucking turn up. You guys get together. I don't know how great it will be, but I will love it. All right. Ari would like to, any soliciting to music artists that he'd like to see collaborate.

Yeah. We're bringing Danny Brown fans on this pod, that's for sure. But anyway, that's going to do it, gonna do it folks thank you will see you next time