Stavvy's World - #64 - Jim Norton

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

The legendary Jim Norton joins the pod to discuss paying for dirty hotlines with money orders, jumping headfirst into a cohabitating relationship during COVID, surprisingly loving married life, and much more. Jim and Stav help callers including a man wondering about the ethics of lustfully fattening up his wife, and a wrestling coach who's having trouble ending a cheating fling with the mom of one of his students. Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy See Jim Norton live on the Now You Know tour! Get tickets at https://www.jimnorton.com/ Check out Nikki & Jim, his YouTube page chronicling his relationship with his wife Nikki! www.youtube.com/@NikkiandJimNYC Follow Jim Norton on social media: https://www.youtube.com/@JimNortonComedy  https://www.instagram.com/jimnorton/ https://twitter.com/jimnorton Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to Stavis World 904-800-STAV. Call in, we'll solve your problems. We got Jim Norton. We're so pumped to have the legend on the couch in Astoria in Queens. Thanks so much for being here, dude. Dude, coming here in Astoria, it reminded me of so many times where I would look through Backpage. It reminded me of so many times where I would look through Backpage. Yeah, I was literally going to ask you, was the last time you were here to purchase sex? It was crazy. It's the first time I've walked into Queens without pulling my dick out. Yeah, there must be different flavors up here.

You know what I mean? When you want to mix it up. I had one. I actually didn't come to Queens as much just because Manhattan is such a choice. But I came here years ago and I went out of Los Jackson Heights, Astoria. But I walk out and there's this drunk Spanish guy

that kind of started looking at me. And then he puts up his fist to fight me. And he was so fucking drunk. I'm like, I could kill this guy. But I walked away and he's following me. And I just ran up the street. This guy chased me up the street. I felt like such a fucking coward.

And then he's like trying to like throw it out at me. And I'm like, hey, man, there's kids around. I finally lost him on the train. I went on the subway and lost him. But I'm like, what am I doing? You're doing a full like action movie. Get on the train up and down the steps trying to lose this just drunk Hispanic man. But I also thought like, you never know.

First of all, I hit the guy. He was just he was just that little guy. And I'm like, I don't know who he's got around here. Does he live here? If I hit him, I get my ass kicked by 10 guys. So, well, you're also fresh. You freshly nutted. So it's like you have all your senses.

You're really thinking logically. Yeah. You're like, because if you're still horny, you're like, I'm going to fuck this guy up and I'm going to get pussy. But you had just nutted. So you're like, I have to fear a lawsuit. I have to get home.

There's children here, sir. Be ready. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could hear them at recess while I was eating a trans woman's ass earlier. That didn't bother me. But now we can't put fisticuffs up. If I was on my way into her apartment i would

have pushed a stroller in front of train get that and then ran yeah that's what that's awesome dude yeah the back page so i i was a very because now you can't i think it's off the internet it's all gone you really have to know what to do um and another another egregious government overreach the fbi coming in and shutting it down i when i was in college getting absolutely no pussy whatsoever i never i think because i was a coward i never called sure but i did a lot of perusing and jacking yeah oh yeah i did a lot of like put the first five digits in the thing and then oh you know what i mean coming immediately i never i never actually had the guts to like and i think i think probably it's a

i got lucky in that i grew up just there's enough internet whereas like the first time you probably had to buy sex it was like a true oh it was all. It was all kind of random. It was all like seedy. There was no safety to it from the jump. It was all dangerous. I remember I bought phone sex and this is like old school. I had to send a money order into California and jerk it off longer than some of you

were alive. Wait a second. You had to get a money order? So you had to like pre, you had to go get a money order Dude So you had to like Pre You had to go Get a money order Weeks before you wanted to jack off $90 For a money order

I mail it to California They mailed me Through like Registered mail A bunch of phone numbers And you had 30 days Those numbers were good for Wow

So you could call and jack off Like any time of the day. But they were all California, so I'd be on my way to work. And I called at like 7 in the morning. And it was 4 a.m. there. And the woman's like, you want to talk dirty now? It was a fucking buzzkill. But yeah, it was all magazines back then.

And I remember I went down to fucking... Just real quick, and I want to hear that. Oh, yeah. So you're telling me it was more like a monthly pass. It wasn't by the minute. It was like all you can jerk, $90. That seems like a pretty good deal. It was until you get fucking cranky woman who doesn't want to do it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a customer, lady. Customer's always right. Oh, I would love customer service on... It's just the same women without just dropping with their real voice. Can I speak to your manager? Yeah, that lady's a bitch. Yeah, I'll talk to her.

That's hilarious. But yeah, you'd have to mail in, man. It was a different experience than now. Wow, Jim, hold on. Quiet. I just made a sale. Holy hell, I made a sale thanks to Shopify. Sign up right now. Wow, Jim, hold on. Quiet. I just made a sale. Holy hell, I made a sale thanks to Shopify. Sign up right now. You want to be like me, make money selling stuff on Shopify? It's easy. You can make your store easy. Customize it. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at

shopify.com slash stavi, all lowercase, S-T-A-V-V-Y. Go to shopify.com, Stavi now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Stavi. My apologies, Mr. Norton. I mean, I cannot believe that's such a level of dedication of like the, I almost wonder if ADD has helped certain types of sex addiction go away because you had to focus to become a sex

addict yeah you had there were so many steps yes like I can't even imagine like even the times I've thought like I said thought about going so whatever like uh going to a prostitute whatever I have always jacked off there's so like I could just jack off it's right there in front of me whereas like if I really had to wait for it, like I think it's a generational thing where it's like, you really earned your sex addiction. Yeah. There's no like really falling into it.

No, I worked for it. Yeah. You really worked for it. I worked for it. You know, when I was like nine or 10, when you blow all your friends,

you're like, this is going somewhere. Stick with it, Jim. It's like I had a gift. Yeah. Well, like, you know, they have that story about Wayne G's like I had a gift. Yeah. Well, you know, they have that story about Wayne Gretzky as a baby sitting and watching hockey and crying. You're watching gay porn and it's like, oh, you turn it off.

Put it back on. Baby Jim doesn't like when it's off. My father was Earl Woods. He took me out of the Mike Douglas show and had me blow 10 boys my age. A prodigy. That's so funny. Yeah, but it starts, and it was weird. It's weird to go through this whole era of like as it gets faster and faster and faster, it gets easier.

But I always do the same thing. Do you remember Screw Magazine? No, missed Screw. Yeah, that was how it was tactile. Like you'd have to go to the adult bookstore, you'd buy a screw, or you'd get it from the news thing. Do you remember Screw Magazine? No, Mr. Screw. It was tactile. You'd have to go to the adult bookstore, you'd buy a screw, or you'd get it from the newsstand, and then you would just peruse. I got into credit card debt. There was this one

and here in New York, they had this thing where there was a whole bunch of lovely transgender gals in this one house. I put down my credit card because why would they steal from me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You opened up a tab.

I opened up a tab. 100% right. You want to pay for it up front or just leave your card? Leave the card. I'll be back. So it was like I fucking, I did it and they ran me

into about $10,000. Holy shit. I was in credit card debt for years, and the only reason I got out of it is because I would call, and this took me years to get this off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they were like, what are these charges? I'm like, well, I was going to see escorts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, people are usually embarrassed about that, but I was single. I didn't care. I was lonely and desperate. Right, right. I wanted connection. Right, right. But I finally got rid of it, but that took me years to untangle. Wow, that's incredible.

So they were just like, and the people were like, oh, okay. You didn't pay for this much sex? They like took it off your thing or you said it was fraud or what? Well, no, the sex I paid for, but they would use it for other things. They'd take your credit card and then they would charge. Size 11 heels. Yes, exactly. You know, like the largest heels you've ever seen in your life.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A prom dress and Uggs. Yeah. Okay, I see, I see. And you got those charges off. Good for you, man. Over years, yeah. I would save.

I had paperwork saved for years. Because, again, you have to call and wait. There's none of the online stuff. I respect that. And it was long. I respect, yeah, the shame. That is the one time how having no shame has really, it saved you a nice 10 Gs, it sounds like.

It did, yeah, because I never felt better than anybody. I always felt like, oh, they're doing me such a favor by fucking me. So thank you. Right, right, right, right, right. I loved them. A good customer. Yeah. A great customer.

And so what ages are these where it's like, because I caught the tail end of of like you know physical porn we took we caught the like go to royal farm you know go to go to like a gas station whatever they still had that one rack yeah you know what i mean because we were like you know greektown was right by like there's a lot of truck stops and so you got just a little bit of throwback stuff but yeah we you stuff But we never called the number or anything like that So you're talking about When are you buying? What age are you when you're getting that money order?

How old are you? The money order I might have been 19, 18, 20 In that area When I was a kid Like 11, 12 There was a motel We used to go over there like 13, drunk And walk through the hallway

and just eat food off the room service trays and and fucking just feral new jersey children just insane absolute garbage with cowlicks and a twitch and by the way jersey uh room leftover room service yeah it's not fresh you don't want to eat that not fine dining no no

this was not fine dining yeah yeah would you have a pack of like your parents were working too much or they didn't they were just kind of checked out or what are we talking about

no my dad would work my mom was a stay at home mom but I would just go out and again again you weren't you weren't monitored as closely in the fucking 80s yeah and they had they magazine a magazine rack there with every month they had

what penthouse playboy and we magazine we so i would go there with a screwdriver okay and fucking put the screwdriver on and jimmy the magazines out and i would steal the magazine that motel really took care of some of my most basic needs it It's so funny because I feel like people stopped monitoring their kids or started monitoring their kids. I mean, again, I feel like the millennial age that we grew up in the,

I was born in the late 80s. Yeah. So it's like we, depending on where you grew up, you did have kind of a, I had a bit of a throwback childhood where it's like my parents kind of let us go.

I didn't have a phone. We didn't have internet for a while. But other people my age totally had all that stuff. But I think the big thing was people were scared of like sex crimes, molestation, all that stuff. Yeah. And you truly were pretty much just trying to get molested. You were trying to get sex trafficked in everything you did.

I literally stood in the shoulder of the highway with my asshole open, waving. No takers that's fucking wild and who are you like what are your friends like you have a pack of sexual deviants they were we were all i don't know how we connected this is back in edison and uh and there were girls too but they were less deviant at that. And they were also scarier. Right, yeah, yeah. I didn't know what the parts were. But no, me and a bunch of my buddies. But also, when one guy found out, oh, I got called a faggot a lot as a kid. And that label sticks.

Right, right, right. I'm telling you, kids don't forget anything. But I used to. Thank God we moved out of that neighborhood. That was getting bad, and I was getting chased. And that was rough. That's wild, dude. And, I mean, some. What's wild, dude. And I mean,

what's the origin story? No one sucked you off? You really were a prodigy. I just, it was like why did Bobby Fischer play chess? I don't know. Because everything you're describing, I'm like, oh, this is the most molested baby of all time. Plus, if you look pictures of me, I're like, I would absolutely fuck that kid.

I was a fuckable boy. But no, I didn't. As far as I know, if I was, it was so traumatic that the slate has been wiped clean. And I know what I'm putting my money on. Exactly that. It was something barbaric. I't know what or why i know my therapist always like you were abused like i get i don't feel like i was i feel like i showed up i feel like i showed up i think that because my parents were cool whatever they really didn't

want me to sleep over really didn't want me to sleep over and i kind of think sometimes like did something so horrible happen to me that like they were scared that like when i don't remember but i just don't know they were like they would get really freaked out if i was or unattended or whatever the fuck where it's like i don't know just like i don't think anything like that and i never blew my friends eldest can attest we grew up together i never sucked this disgusting al Albanian dick. But, you know, sometimes I wonder like, or maybe something happened to them. You know, maybe my dad

maybe weirdly got molested in, I mean, Greece in the 60s. Yeah. He could have gotten away with anything. He could have really molested in a, you know, third world country post-World War II.

Yeah, some thick fingers that smell like olives and a crystal honey. Yeah, the coarse pubes around your ass are actually an evolutionary trait to keep you from getting finger-fucked on an olive grove. Yeah, I don't know, man.

That's wild, dude. Oh, wow. So you were just really, it's really, there was no, you were just, this was the life forever. Off to the races. Yes, my first love. And it's so there was no no you were just this was the life forever off to the races yeah my first the first uh my first love and it's so funny now i'm 55 and like you know obviously i'm married so like i really don't cheat on my wife it's bizarre to say that yeah but it's like you run out your

addiction it's like you can only for so long before you're like what am i going to die alone i get that i mean i see that too with like i uh I opened for Bobby for years, and I was a fan of both of you guys, you know, when I was, like, you know, when I was getting into college. I feel bad telling people when I was a kid because I also look like shit. I look worse than my age. So when you see a guy that looks like me, like, dude, when I was 12, I loved you, Jim. And you're like, Jesus Christ, how old am I?

But, like, I really did. But it struck me of, like, because getting to know. And you're like, Jesus Christ, how old am I? But like, I really, I really did. But it struck me of like, because getting to know you guys now, like Bobby, I, you know, probably 10 years ago, whatever. He really was on the, he really was like running off fumes. I mean, Bobby also like castrated himself by getting so fat. He had no, he had no like sexual desires. He can't fuck if he can't find it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But when I met him, he was like like sexual desires. He can't fuck if he can't find it. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah. But when I met him, he was like so much less of a, of like, and I think, and now he's like the chillest dad of all time. Like he really is just,

you would never guess the weird shit Bobby did from like his suburban life and his like kid and all this shit. But, and it's like, and, and it's funny to see that with you too because I feel like that's a relatively recent development where it's like, you know, and now this shit. But, and it's like, and it's funny to see that with you too, because I feel like that's a relatively recent development

where it's like, you know, and now look, let's, you married a trans woman half your age. Yes. So it's not really, that is the like deviance way of settling down. It's the best I could do. The closest I could come.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not exactly like, you know, the all AmericanAmerican traditional story. But in a weird way, your dynamics are, which is so funny. It just shows you like, damn, everyone does just want the same stuff. Even if you're some weird kid trying to get sucked off by a man at nine. Yeah. And eventually you want to be a husband that comes home to dinner.

Yeah. To dinner with somebody that loves him, you know? You really, and it's like, we get a lot, people are like, oh, she's younger than you. I dated age, quote unquote, age appropriate. It was a woman who's probably 50 now or 48 now. Yeah. And the reason we stopped dating is because she wanted kids quickly. Right.

I'm like, I'm wasting, we dated years ago. She was in her 30s. Right. And I'm like, I'm wasting her time. I don't want kids. Yeah. Nikki, I'm wasting this. We dated years ago. She was in her thirties. Right. I'm like, I'm wasting her time. Like I don't want kids. Like Nikki, I just get along with like, we were like, I have fun with her, like legit fun with her. Not just like, oh, she's my wife.

Like I really like doing shit with her. I wouldn't do it if I didn't like it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there is something, there is something wholesome to that of just like, yeah, we're just, you know, this is what stops you from or not even stops you you were kind of done with i was done doing that kind of because it is it also feels a little you know i wonder

have you ever gotten not been able to get hard with a prostitute i i i haven't been able to not get hard on viagra with any are you kidding there's times where my dick just decided it's not happening yeah yeah that's kind feel bad to like also be out however much money and the hassle. Like I can't imagine not nutting in a situation like that in some weird house and like, you know, wherever the, you know, Harlem. Well, I would jerk off anyway and it would be a limp

and it was really, it looked like one of those things outside a gas station to let you know. It's like one of those fucking weird gumbees that bends outside a tire shop. Yeah. Yeah, I've done enough of that. And you really, it's humiliating. It's humiliating when you can't get.

Or, but you know what I didn't, I never realized, like, there'd be times I'd be on dates and I was with the girl and I really liked her and I couldn't get hard. But I was like, I don't want sex. Like, I just like this girl. Yeah, yeah. But I didn't think you were allowed to like somebody. It was like, I'm a guy. I just like this girl. Yeah, yeah. But I didn't think you were allowed to like somebody. It was like, I'm a guy. I got to want to fuck.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I embarrassed myself by not being able to get a heart. Right, right, right. Oh, damn, yeah. No, hey, listen. We're no stranger to that here at Stavis. Oh, good, good. That's a well-known phenomenon here.

I feel like my dick does. One time, a girl I actually really... To me, it actually happens when I like the woman. The first time we hook up, I cannot get hard, and I'm all up in my head, whatever. And this is how good of a person she was. She thought my dick was hard when it wasn't.

And by the way, my dick is small. So it's like, my dick not hard is truly horrific stuff. And she... The second time we hooked up, or maybe it was So it's like, my dick not hard is truly horrific stuff. And she, the second time we hooked up, or maybe it was even the third, because I actually really liked her. We ended up dating for a little bit. Like, the third, when my dick actually got hard, she was like,

she was like, oh, my God, I thought that was, I thought you had a micro penis. And I was like, and you came back? What a good girl. Good person. I'm a piece of shit. I let her slip through my fingers. Hope she's doing well these days.

But yeah. Yeah, dude. It's humiliating, but you don't know. I'm like, why is this happening? Like maybe I,

I'm so weird. Like I want a prostitute to tell me she loves me and a girl I love. I want her to go. I need a bigger cock than yours. You fucking piece of shit. Bizarre. That's fucking awesome. Were you like trying to settle down for a little bit like had it been a while since you're like i'm done with this so many gave it oh really so like the last what were we talking like the last i mean last decade yeah maybe more i think i've

always been looking for that like i fell in love a lot there's a lot of girls i would see regularly even for money and i would catch such feelings. And like, I really just liked them. And I just, I was just, that's where I would look. Because I kind of, I felt comfortable. Sure. I get that. For a decade, I would say at least, I was looking for somebody or somebody who I thought.

I think that's totally fine. I mean, like, I'll go to a coffee shop where the lady who makes my latte is cute. And I'm like, wow, I think I have a little crush on her. Now imagine I paid her to suck me off 10 times. And I'd be like, you know what? This girl's really cool. I can't believe it doesn't happen more

that people don't catch actual, I guess it does. And I guess that's why it's such a dangerous, because you have sex workers, it's like it's pretty high murder rate. And it's probably because guys pretty high murder rate and it's probably because guys who aren't you know

just like because if a guy catches feelings then he's like well but I want I can't have you I guess that is I guess it does happen

is what I'm saying I think even strip clubs I think strip clubs like that's how they stay in business is by guys who I remember one time I was in a strip club

and I never was a big fan of them because I just know like I can't come here I'm not gonna say yeah yeah yeah no one's got a cock yeah I remember one time I was in a strip club and I never was a big fan of them because I just know I can't come here. I'm not going to say. No one's got a cock. Well, no, I went into one of those ones in New Orleans. And I expected better customer service

on Bourbon Street at 2 a.m. And I walk in. I guess they were ready to close. I was just curious. I wanted to look around. And I think I was doing a college with Pete Correale and Louis Ramey. This is probably 22 years ago.

Yeah, yeah. And I walk in and it was late and she goes, hey, baby. I'm like, oh, she grabbed me by the arm. And I'm like, I'm just going to look for a minute. And she went, all right. And she walked me, turned me around, walked me right back out the door. Threw me the fuck out. I got thrown out.

So I've only gone through a couple of those. I left my wallet in one. I talked about it on Fallon. It's not a surprise that I'm not invited to a couple of those. I left my wallet in one. I talked about it on Fallon. It's not a surprise that I'm not invited to the Tonight Show. Now that he's running things. Let's have Jim back. Maybe he got fisted once. Maybe he got fisted in Shreveport.

And he can talk to us about it. I left my wallet in one of these trans clubs. But they were honest. I got it back. Wow. I went back and got my wallet back. Shout out to those gals.

All worked out well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, it's, but I don't miss it. Like, I like being, once in a while

you miss the idea of it, but like, hey, again, I'm fucking old, man. Like, I like where I'm at in life. It's nice.

Yeah. I'm happy. I'm friends with most of my exes. That's cute. Yeah, I get along with them. It's bizarre. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except for one who I think is just embarrassed that I'm her exes um that's cute yeah i get along with them it's bizarre yeah except for one who i think is just embarrassed that i'm her ex yeah he's embarrassed oh i know about that too my friend there's definitely there's a couple that are just like

ah come on yeah why is he doing well i want it i don't want people to know i don't want because it's a funny it is a whole like if you dated somebody who like and even like you know we're doing fine but it's like not like we're famous but if you dated like a like if you dated somebody who like even like you know we're doing fine but it's like not like we're famous but if you dated like a super if you dated like a

minorly famous actor and you're watching a movie you're like you know in college I suck that guy's cock yeah you know that's fun

but if you just see you or me pop up on screen and they're like yep I fuck that guy people are like Jesus Christ really he's ugly the guy the guy doing the bit about his dick doesn't work in their life. Yep. I fucked that guy. People are like, Jesus Christ.

Really? He's ugly. The guy doing the bit about his dick doesn't work. That's the guy. That's believable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not working because it's not even that

like much of an exaggeration. We're all just sad for him. No one is proud to admit it. And plus, there's so many embarrassing things I've done. Like my wife's mother, my mother-in-law, it's so weird to say that. But's so many embarrassing things I've done like my wife's mother my mother-in-law

it's so weird to say that but when I first met her she was like she doesn't think I'm funny at all because she was googling she found Chip and she's like what is he doing

it's not funny like the mother didn't get it such a specific context they're from another country and she's like this guy's a fucking bum that you are so yeah

I'm ashamed of my whole professional life other country and then So yeah, I'm ashamed of my whole professional life. Other country and then basically your age, I'm guessing. The mother? Yeah, yeah, yeah. She will be soon.

That's gotta be fucking, that's fucking hilarious to be like, yep, this is my American Prince Charming. This is it. I love her dad. We just talk about old kiss.

It's the fucking best. She hates my fucking music, but her dad's like, Destroyer, what a great album. Wow. That's the life hack. I like it too because you cancel out

the problematic, like, you know, the age gap discourse is canceled out by like, but she's trans. And people are like, oh, is he good or bad? People are like, you know, like the scolding culture. They're like, he's older. It's like, but she's trans. And people are like, ah, is he good or bad? Oh, you know,

like the scolding culture. They're like, he's older. It's like, fuck you. Like I, I, we get along better than I've ever gotten along with anybody.

It just, it just works. Like you don't plan it. It just fucking, I wouldn't have married somebody unless I was compatible. Totally. Totally. Um,

but I really like it. I like being mad. I can't fucking believe it. And you guys have a, you guys have a YouTube channel. Yeah, we started and it's like, it's not? Yeah, we started talking about podcasting and stuff. I have footage of us from back in 2019 in Canada in the pandemic. Sorry, in 2020 in Canada in the pandemic.

We were just trying stuff. And I like shooting shit with it. How did you get into Canada? Horrible to get, like so hard to get into during the pandemic. You're like, I got to go shoot content. How did you get into Canada? Horrible. So hard to get into during the pandemic. Impossible. You're like, I got to go shoot content. I got to go to Niagara Falls with my wife. No, she couldn't get into the States.

She was on a fiancee wait. It was a long wait. 90-day fiancee. It was exactly like that. Wow. I used to watch that show and cry. I really should be executed. You found the right one. Fucking asshole.

And I would fucking, my Travis, our producer on Jim and Sam, called me because they were like, remember the pandemic when it first happened, serious,

like you guys can't come in. Like you guys got to stay home. Right, right, right. So we were like broadcasting from our houses. Travis called me on a Wednesday. He goes, hey man,

they're going to close. I was driving up every weekend to see Nikki. And he goes, they're going to close the Canadian border. So I was in the car in an hour and I drove up to Canada and they let me in. It was like a day before the border closed.

Holy shit. March of 2020 and I fucking came back July 1st, 2021. Wow. Holy shit. You were in Canada the whole time. 15 months. Wow. I didn't say anything.

And people are like, why didn't you tell people you were in the fucking Canada? I lied about it because I knew that if she didn't get in the country, I didn't know what was And people are like, why didn't you tell people you were in the fucking Canada? I lied about it because I knew that if she didn't get in the country, I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't want to be talking about it every day. Like every time I was angry at immigration, I didn't want to be on the air going,

fuck those guys. I'm like, just shut it off and then talk about it someday. Totally, totally. That was crazy. And it was also very difficult for immigration. Like during the Trump administration, one thing that did happen was

they did make it harder for immigrants to get in. But if you're a woman with a dick, oh, he made it delightfully easy. So it was just the pandemic that tripped her up? Honestly, yeah. That's crazy. You never know what agent. Plus, you have like... Yeah, I guess it is like...

It's up to the agent. Yeah, she had like a little pot thing. It was a ticket it was very minor but that just slowed us up she had you had to get a waiver for it yeah but she was eligible and she got it but it's just the u.s government and it's fucking slow and shit rolls downhill no i had a friend yeah i mean yeah that's you gotta be the number there's you know i guess she's from a, she's from like a European, Norway, yeah. Norway. That, that all,

it doesn't quite cancel out trans, but it's like for the Trump administration, ah, Aryan. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like, you know, they're super white people, you know, like,

but I, because I had friends who were dealing with like, it was literally like South America, forget it, Australia. We'll see what we can do. You know what I mean? It was like, it was like. It was like a little, they were playing a little ball. So that's it. Yeah, but I got to imagine trans woman, not the highest on there.

No, not at all. Not. What were we getting in the country? No. It was a fucking, it was a, again, just a long haul for everybody. It just sucked. It's the government. They're fucking slow.

Everything's done through the mail. Like it's such a nightmare. Fucking the worst. It's the government. They're fucking slow. Everything's done through the mail. Like, it's such a nightmare. Fucking the worst. That's fucking awesome. Mail. That is the funniest thing. I have to get my trans wife over here. Science.

She's more scientific than the way you do business. Her existence, like, mail predates her existence. Like, they're still Doing business in a way That would be fucking insane That's so fucking funny Yeah but It didn't I don't think

We didn't harp on it Like it was Of course it's in there But like I don't think it fucked us up Like it was just Slower And we had to go

She has to go to the embassy It's a fucking night So I empathize With people coming over Like I have very mixed feelings It's like Hey it took us five years So fuck you coming here illegally yeah and it was like i get it too yeah totally like i it's a fucking nightmare if it was easier yeah i i had i had a friend who was

the same thing where i was like just tell her to come over and get married when she's here you know what i mean it's like but then you never know you want to do things by the book and they fuck you up like that. I think they were trying this thing, I think Joe Bolton's name was. It's actually Joe Biden. Yeah. I don't think I know Joe Bolton.

I forget what he did, but he made it harder. If you came over and just got married, they would say that you lied about why you were here. There's a whole, plus you couldn't get in even to visit. It was just a whole thing. No, that's fucking.

Yeah, that's horrible. I never lived with a woman either. Never. And now. No, never. Even like when you were in like long term relationships. Not even for a fucking minute. Wow.

And now I'm in a pandemic in a one bedroom in another country. It was fucking crazy. That's crazy. It was insane how that happened. That is a real make or break moment though, right? It's like a lot of relationships either completely cratered or once they survive,

you're like, all right, we're good. Dude, this is going to be easy because I couldn't just threaten to leave. Yeah. I couldn't just, I'm like, I'm going to go for a ride, cunt. I would just go for a ride and come back.

I'd never threatened to walk out because I wanted to leave the country. Yeah, yeah. You'll be in jail. The mounties will get you yeah i knew i wouldn't have got back in but it was fun it was like uh it was a it was an interesting thing to be stuck in the house yeah with somebody at eight o'clock because they were worse up there than we were here they were fucking panicky yeah no i remember i i did a gig in toronto the week before my brother's wedding.

And so I was just on tour. I wasn't thinking much of it. I was like, let's just, you know, whatever. And I had a blast in Toronto. It was great. I got there a little early. I was like, I'm going to have fun. It's a nice international city.

I was getting my dick sucked quite a bit. Oh, nice. It was great, you know. I'm going out. I was getting my dick sucked Quite a bit Oh nice It was great you know I'm going out I'm getting fucked up And this is the part of the tour Where I was still like excited It was like you know Fresh from the pandemic

It's like when we're first Starting a tour after the pandemic Yeah So it was like I guess I guess it was 21 It was like spring of 21 And And I'm getting

And I'm starting to feel like It's the day I'm supposed to fly And I start to feel like A little sick Right And I'm like oh fuck Like this's the day I'm supposed to fly, and I start to feel a little sick, right? And I'm like, oh, fuck. This sucks. What if I have it? Whatever.

And I'm like, I don't have it. I'm just fucking hungover. I'm fat as shit. I have a dick pill headache. That's what's going on. I'm fine. I take a test. It comes back inconclusive.

So now I'm like, fuck, what if I have it? And I check Toronto's thing. They make you do a test at the airport. And if you test positive, you have to quarantine for 10 days in a hotel room in Canada. You cannot go. They won't take you home. Happened to Soder, actually. He tested positive on his way back from a gig.

Had to be there for 10 days. I would have missed my brother's wedding. I'm the best man. Yeah, this shit so i literally but if you drove they don't you don't have to take a test the plane yeah so because of canada so i and i'm also fucking completely fucked up off edibles that's another thing i took uh what i thought was a 10 milligram was 100 milligram wow yeah yeah yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought that would say Alice. Yeah. And so I'm with a girl who is like, she's in an open relationship. That was always, I found that a nice loophole.

Yeah. Because it's like you get to be friends with someone. You have like, you know, a relationship, whatever. But, you know, at the end of the day, no pressure. And you get the fuck. It's cool. And I'm just like, I'm like, hey, can you? And she's like, she doesn't have a license whatever so she could i literally convinced this woman this woman she's an angel calls a friend

guy i don't know at all and she's like hey can you drive this guy that i hook up with across the american border who might have covid because his brother is getting married. Turns out I had strep throat. That's what it was. And then it starts fucking snowing. And then, by the way, the edible, it was the night before. And then I don't know if this happens to anybody else. Once I eat something, it comes back. Like I get like flash. I don't know what it is. I get re whatever. So she's setting this whole thing up. And then I start getting high and I start getting paranoid. And I'm like, well, what if they ask me how I know this guy? Like, can you please come?

So now I make this woman, because I'm scared, come to Buffalo with me and this guy. She calls her fiance and is like, hey, that guy I fuck, I'm not leaving the country. I just, he's scared and high. And he begged me to take him, to ferry him across the border. So we just, we get to the fucking, like, immigration crossing, and he's like, he's like, the guy's like, what do you have in the suitcase? And I was like, um, just regular stuff. And he's like, what? He's like, what do you mean?

I was like, um, clothes and stuff like that. And then he's like, how do you know these people? I was like, well, she goes to school with him and we met online. She's like, we're friends. I was about to blow it. I'm high as shit and then the guy

just lets me through. I go to the Buffalo ticket counter. I go to JetBlue and I buy a ticket like it's the 40s. I'm like, one ticket to New Buffalo ticket counter. I go to JetBlue and I buy a ticket like it's the 40s. I'm like, one ticket to New York, please. Cash? Yeah, literally like $300 in cash because I had to get rid of some cash. It was fucking crazy.

I just gave this guy however much Canadian, but they were fucking real strict about it. And that was one of the most nerve wracking experiences. Just minorly like skirting Canadian COVID laws. I can't imagine sort of semi-illegally being trapped there like they well no i was applying i was updating everything and doing all the paperwork but if there was like one point like where if you were doing certain things outdoors was like a six thousand dollar fine if you were gathered a couple of people montreal was

really fucking damn strict i mean it was fucking miserable. It was miserable. I didn't jerk off once in 15 months. It's insane. And the minute I got home, I went fucking crazy. I think I jerked off through the checkpoint the second I was back in the US. I saw Old Gloria. They're like, no old

American come. It might carry COVID. Damn, that's fucking wild. it was it was a long it was nice to be there but i was just kind of fucking fin and i didn't do stand-up for over a year like it was like it was fucking crazy i don't know how guys did it online i couldn't do it online couldn't do it i didn't do a single one i didn't i i honestly feel a little better about it because i'm just like uh i because i up until that i had this real maniacal, like if I take two days off, I suck dick at stand-up. So it kind of was free.

That was the one silver lining where it's like, now I'm like, oh, actually, I think it made me, in some ways, better because I got a little, you know, you get away from your material. You don't live it every fucking day. You get a little context. So I like it. I'm going to take a little just break

because I don't feel like doing stand-up. But it was weird. There was definitely that moment where you're like, damn, do I ever be good at this again? Yeah, but the problem is I took the break to like, just anyway, I'll get some like a little life experience. But then the second I come back, no one wants to hear about that life experience. So like, if the pandemic's over, fuck, we're done with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're actually going to get this shit.

Oh, my God. There was nothing worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's relaxing. Oh, my God. There was nothing worse. And the thing is, audiences were so hungry when you got back that you thought those were good jokes because they're crushing. And then, like, the second that sheen of, like,

you know, the, like, oh, we were trapped inside. As the second those audiences got back to normal, jokes, like, there's nothing worse than a guy doing, still to this day his pandemic observations and you know it's out there yeah you see those guys are like trying to update it they're like yeah did you see they're uh trying to make us get vaccinated again and they're like when the first time i actually got johnson and johnson boy that one was pretty shitty huh bring it back shelter in place.

That is the worst about topical shit. It's like when it starts to come back around, how somebody's like, ah, here's a great chance to make it fresh again. And it's not. Well, Michael Jackson died 10 years ago today. Remember when he... I remember when he dangled that baby out of the window. That's the nicest thing you did to a kid.

I fucking love it, dude. Yeah, that's the nicest thing you did to a kid i fucking love it dude yeah that's awesome man well congrats to you for living the the domesticated life these days the domesticated life i live the life of a gentleman yeah yeah no strange and i really love it it's awesome great like i can't believe i'm i never thought I would like it. I was like, never. I'm never getting fucking married. But, you know. Yeah, that's nice. I mean, because I got to imagine sex, like food addiction on the road is pretty, I mean, all of them are bad. Yeah.

But sex also, it's like that could probably put you in some fucking strange situations in fucked up towns. And a lot of it's just time wasted. Like, it's just sex and food are kind of similar where it's like a dopamine. Like, you can't not do it. You have to be a little sexual in life you have to eat so a lot of times i wouldn't even see anybody i would just edge online and hours wasted you know that's fucking like it's like i'm on a coke bend i'm done i'm just i'm done i'm hungry like as soon as i come i order food like it's it's awful man i when i so i open for you so far i you know

this is like, Magoobie's like probably a decade ago, right? I was hosting. I wasn't even featuring. And you brought, you were, Kenny, Club Soda Kenny was with you. Did you do that as like a save me from myself, like have a chaperone type thing? Or was it literally security, have a friend, road manager?

He was a road manager. And I don't need security because of oh, the fans are beating the door down. But you get enough threats after a while. I mean, I know about the... Just opening for you, because I was a huge you know, the radio

show, I mean, big Opie and Anthony fan. I knew all you guys. It was awesome. But I had never experienced... And I was so pumped. I was like, this is going to be cool. I was a huge fan of yours, and then I was i was like oh i wonder what those crowds would be like it'll be cool and it was a lot of them were great and then the peep and then you would see like eight guys who are wearing the virus shirt yeah who have you know just like did not smile once during my set the the feature set, or your set, and then dead-eyed afterwards just like came up to you like,

you're a genius, Jim. And they asked you to sign shit. And it was like I can imagine that fan base because it does feel like part of it kind of mutated into the Comptown fan base. I do feel like we got a little bit of that. Most of these people are awesome awesome and then like 1% are freaks that should be taken to a sanitarium.

It's like Michael Myers level autism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just fucking... I enjoyed you. And see, back when you had those guys, luckily when they were in my fan base, they had found anime. So a lot of those guys were jacking off to base, anime, they had found anime. Oh, yeah, yeah.

So a lot of those guys were jacking off to that. Yeah. But all they had was Opie and Anthony in your days. Yeah. You know, like there was no, like, you know, straight from, no Japanese subtitled shit to get fresh. No, it was ONA and fucking. Yeah, maybe Trains.

Trains and ONA, yeah. Yeah, it was a Lionel train or the virus tour. It was so crazy. Those fans are so... But when they hate you, they hate you. Some of them are still there and some have turned. I don't care. It was a lot of fun, man.

It was a lot of fucking laughs for 10 years. I mean, truly did come all of podcasting. That's the seed in a lot of ways. Just that vibe of everybody hanging out yeah doesn't never like that was the first place you really got it i mean at least on the east coast i know maybe people on the west coast will say there was other versions of it but it's maybe yeah you know but that was it because it was like you know everybody and nobody was doing as good as they should have i feel like comedians you guys really had the fucking club

like right now it's like hilarious the tickets were selling and i don't understand what's happening i'm not i'm not experiencing that well i am from the other side but i just feel like everybody on that show was so fucking funny and like and then earned like like you finally had a a to, like, show how funny you were. Where it's, like, everyone was kind of hungry and you guys were all friends for so long. Yeah. It was just so rich for, like, hilarious shit to come out of it. Because there was, like, real friendship there.

And plus, it was, like, the funniest guys who were, like. And I feel like you were, you know, from being funny on that show, it was, like, tickets started moving, all that kind of stuff. But it was cool. It was just great. And, you know, it's still some YouTube compilations. You'll still fire those up. Those are still of stuff. But it was cool. It was just great. And you know, it's still, some YouTube compilations, you'll still find those up. Those are still fucking hilarious. I listened to,

plus it was, don't forget, we had five, it was five hours a day. Damn. At one point, like four hours a day. And then it was six to 11

at one point. Yeah. And it was, I mean, and you had so many funny people coming through, but they'd hang for hours. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, you know, you had a long, there was a lot of meandering too and a lot of shows sucked and a lot of bad days but there was so much fucking there was so a lack of pressure because it was just a long conversation yeah yeah and howard had comics on but he was more the interviewer it was just a different it was different vibe a different vibe than opium a great interviewer i mean the one of the best i mean you'll you'll listen to like like i was a bit i'm a big fresh air guy to this like I just love

an interview with like that gets in depth and you'll hear like NPR like uptight interviewers be like still listen to Howard Stern he's great at interviewing

yeah but yeah it was a completely different thing no that's fucking awesome dude and it was fun I mean it was I laughed harder I still listen to like

the Anthony Makes Jim Laugh I can't listen to any of the old shit it makes me sad because I remember it yeah. I can't listen to any of the old shit. It makes me sad because I remember it. I can't listen to Patrice's shit. I get that. But I listen to those fucking Anthony Makes Jim Norton Laughs. Dude, every time it makes me laugh because it's Anthony being funny.

No, I know. Sometimes on YouTube, it'll be like a Comptown clip will come up and Nick will be saying something you know doing some bit and I laugh the and my laugh matches up with the laugh that I'm listening and I'll just be like yeah this is I'll for completely forgot because I remember you it's like you forget every bit yeah I've forgotten everything we talked for so you know I mean we only did a fucking two hours a week and it felt like, I don't know how the fuck you motherfuckers did, you know, four hours a day, but I'll even that it's like, I forgot. So it is funny how you're like, oh yeah, I find this exactly as funny as I did five years

ago. And it's not the pressure of hating myself. Right, right, right. Like people are like, do you remember when you said that? No. Yeah. I truly don't. I don't remember that day.

I don't remember that segment. Yeah, yeah, yeah. that no yeah i truly don't i don't remember that day i don't remember that segment yeah um i just i i will listen to stuff of anthony being really funny or if patrice is on with me there's like there's been times where like uh there will be a a bit where anthony's doing something patrice was there it's not like i just shut it off of course but i i can't go down it's just like i get that you don't want to look up your yourically past early friends. You find it depressing and it overrides the, but there's always laughs there. Even when I go back and listen, I'm like, yeah, this was a funny fucking show. And I feel like, you know, I'm glad I was a part of that. I'm lucky to have been with those guys who let comedians shine.

And we brought a lot of fucking comics in. And they were funny. And it's cool to be a part of something so influential. It's like, you know, Comptown wasn't anything like you. We didn't influence fucking all of podcasts. But that's how I feel about the show. You guys changed it with Patreon, though.

You guys with Patreon, you were the bar. Everyone said Comptown. Those guys were Patreon. Shout out to fucking Chapo Trap House, our friends who did a political podcast. Also a comedy. They're very funny guys. But if it wasn't for those guys, we were, Nick was roommates with them.

They were doing Patreon and we were like, all right. I was like, yeah, whatever. I mean, I thought it was going to fail from the jump. You know what I mean? I never thought, I was like, I thought, remember when it felt like podcasts were over after like, it was like, well, Marin did it, but nobody else. And then it turns out, boy, was everybody, well, I guess I was wrong. But yeah. But it's still, you know, I'll be like, yeah, we, but nobody else. And then it turns out, boy, was everybody fucked. Well, I guess I was wrong, but yeah.

But it's still, you know, I'll be like, yeah, we made some fucking hilarious. It's fun to be like, that was, we had some bangers on there. We had some real good ones. So no, but you don't think, so why not adopt a fat black child maybe, you know, name it Patrice Jr. You know what I mean, you know?

Because it wouldn't be funny and I would hate it. Or it would be like him and I'd hate it more. Do a little seance. Get his spirit back in a fat girl's body. Patricia. I love it. Well, listen, clearly Jim is an expert on what our, I hope you have some,

I hope you've prepared some questions that Jim can weigh in on, some sex addicts and whatever. We take some calls from our audience. Now, are these people who are listening? No, no, this is just voicemail. Yeah, voicemails, yeah. We do live calls later, but it's too,

but you can't over, you can't overrun an Albanian with too much to do at once If we had to get these people live Forget it It's a call order Go ahead Elders Play us our first call Before let's plug you got the tour coming up

Thank you Before we get into that Give us a tour My tour picture stinks I look terrible. It's an awful, I need a new photo. I'm losing weight.

I look disgusting. We didn't even get into your body dysmorphia, actually. I would have loved that. It's not body dysmorphia, it's 20-20 vision. Fucking, I trust you,

I look like shit. But I look, the tour is called Now You Know. It starts, I get a bunch of dates in California, Texas, everywhere. Love it.

And Nikki and Jim NYC on YouTube. I hope people like, look, when I do it, my wife is not cute. Like, it really is how we are. It's not like,

we're not trying to fucking pass a message. Right, right, All we want to do is just basically indoctrinate children. That's all we want to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Put it off. Yeah, Jim actually will be touring middle schools across America and seeing the boys with fine bone structure. He'll be chopping them off. Well, hello, little Marky. You need bosoms. No, there's zero messaging.

I think people who like it really like it, so I hope they think it's funny and entertaining but you know well it's gotta be interesting we'll get to the cause too but it's like it is

I do feel like the trans it just it almost is bordering on hack now how many people feel the need to have a take on

trans stuff in comedy where it's like this is so interesting because it's like you're just living your life as a regular couple and it is actual like like the honesty of it.

It's just refreshing because I don't know what the fuck is going on where it's just like, not every open mic-er needs to fucking have an opinion on trans issues. Not every open mic-er needs to have an opinion on most issues anyway. But there is something that I don't understand why everybody thinks they need to fucking weigh in. It's weird. I think because it's, first of all, everyone, it's just there and everyone is so talking about it but it's also the thing that people think there's the high wire risk of if i say it wrong i'm dead and if i say it right i'm a hero whatever that right or wrong is like it's different in every different place i guess that's fair yeah but they think that they're

going to say something that's and i just and people have gotten mad at me for shit I've said it's like yeah yeah yeah but it's at least you have like at least you have you know you know you've first of all you've gone into

credit card debt over the trans issue I've sacrificed my tonsils for this joke but you have real life experience it's just interesting

whereas like everybody else is like oh let's do some watered down version of a joke that already wasn't funny that they're stealing or whatever. Yeah, and I don't want to fucking preach. It's not about that at all.

That's why I think it's so interesting is because that is the opposite of who you are as a comic. You really are just like, you know, like just say whatever. You clearly are a free speech absolutist for sure, but that's not like, you're not a message guy. You're just like, you should just be able to say whatever the fuck you want. And so that's why I think it's extra interesting. No one's accusing you of doing it for clout or anything like that. This is just really your life. No, I hate to break it to people, but when you're 55,

the key to success in showbiz is not, hey, my wife has a dick. Oh my God, sign this kid. But people have said that to me too. People who don't know what they're talking about right like dude your career i'm like you have no fucking idea how this is not gonna help anything jim jim's in a marvel movie next week actually your character from spider-man we're doing a whole reboot around him yeah the guy on the train yeah let's bring him back he gets powers oh i just made a sale oh i just made a sale thanks to shopify i love shopify a beautiful platform to sell your

stuff on when i started uh podcasting doing stand-, I had no idea we would have, we got a thriving, beautiful merch store. We got seasonal items on there. We're doing sales. We're, you know, we got a whole thing going on. I used to just sell t-shirts out of my 1994 Honda Civic, which I called Fredo, because like Fredo from the Godfather series, it was unreliable and it tried to betray me. It would break down constantly. That's what I used to sell all my merch out of. Thank God that I started using Shopify probably about five years ago, five, six, seven years ago. It was beautiful to work with them at the early stages when I wasn't moving that much merch. We weren't moving that many calendars to this year where we sold a nice amount of calendars.

Thank you. And thank you to Shopify for making that process so easy. I used to literally handwrite labels and shit like that. That's where we were when we started working with Shopify. Now we got a whole operation. We got our friend. He employs his children, but he pays them a fair wage. Whatever. We're still growing.

And that's the beauty of Shopify. You know, we're going to get... They've seen us from the very beginning. Slowly, we've been building it up. And hopefully, Stavi Baby Shop is going to be... StaviBaby.com slash merch is going to be a global... What is it?

Stavi.biz. Shop.stavi.biz. Shop.stavi.biz. We've never had StaviBaby.com. God,.biz. Shop.stavi.biz. Shop.stavi.biz. We've never had stavi baby.com. God, I'm dumb. So anyway, look, I love Shopify. They've been there for, this is how dumb I am. And thanks to Shopify's help, I have actually been able to grow a very, a nice merch business that helps us out a lot.

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Ah, there it is. The sale just right on time, folks. Sorry, folks. Sorry, Jim. All right, Aldis. There we go, buddy boy. Hit us with our first question. Hey, Scott. Hey, Aldis. Hey, big fan of y'all. It's going through headphones.

Hey, Aldis. Hey, guys. Big fan of y'all. Been listening to y'all since episode one. Really appreciate what you guys have done. Really been helpful for me and my mental health. Maybe for therapy. Maybe more comfortable about a lot of different things. But this is a much more lighthearted question to ask you guys. So I've been marrying my wife for about a decade now.

We have two kids. And each time she goes, like, through birth and breastfeeding, she goes from, like, a B to an F up. Sort of an abnormally large transition of breast growth. They just blow up to some massive size, and they're like fucking perfect. And I'm fortunate and blessed to have this, and I'm not trying to sit here and be like, oh, it's fucking gloating.

I am going to gloat. This is fucking incredible, and I'm happy to have it. But also, so at the end when they go back to normal size and she stops feeding our kids through the breast, kid two is about one and a half now about to stop and she's talking about

stopping. So a thing I wanted to ask you guys is I know this is basically done. I know that I have embraced the large breasted part of my wife for the last time, probably pretty soon. And also I'm asking you guys, how do I convince her to get like a breast implant?

Like, not like huge for what they are now, but like just a little, you know, push up. It's been awesome. And I, you know,

I'm very happy. They're not trying to do anything stupid. I don't want to let a good thing end. I could have another kid, but fuck that. Anything you could offer would be appreciated. Love you guys. Thank you so much.

How do I trick my wife into getting bigger tits? While she's feeding, literally feeding our children with her body, her tits make my dick harder. By the way, that guy talked with the cadence of somebody calling 911 for killing his family. She's laying in the kitchen. I'm hitting a bat and then I shot my children.

He really has a baited breath. He's catching his breath from stabbing a child. Damn, buddy. You know, I don't know how old, you know, there's something romantic. You know, I've always said I just want to find the right girl to buy a new pair of titties for. You know, that's kind of what I'm looking for in life. I lucked out. Now, yeah, that's so, yeah, you absolutely,

you got, do you ever, what if she came in one day and she was like, I think I'm going to chop my dick off. What would you do then, Jim? I'd go to the airport and say, God bless. It's been nice. It's been real, it's been nice, but it hasn't been real nice.

Fuck that. I know, I heard. I was listening to the podcast you guys did with Whitney, and you were like, you know, whatever she wants to do with her body, you know? And then, you know, I'm just thinking about you just sweating the day she says she wants to chop her dick off, and you're like, fuck, she called my bluff. Yeah, I know.

Well, I'll tell you one thing about her. She doesn't. You really have them at your match. Oh, my God, yeah. You really have them at your dream girl. I really have. I lucked out. I'm happy.

So, yeah, you know, look, buddy, I think you just got to ride this out. I mean, if you really want to do it, slowly over time kind of gaslight her, make her feel bad. Be like, wow, you know, your friends were saying some really mean stuff about your tits the other day. Or not even her friends, but like, you know what? I just had to go give that lady a talking to over at Planet Fitness.

When we were walking out, she talked about how disgusting your tits were. And I just can't have someone talking about my wife that way. Yeah, I said, you don't call my wife a pancake-titted idiot. Now, funny, if this is ever too much for you, and you don't want to deal with this the rest of your life, you say the word and I'll tighten my belt and afford breast implants somehow. I'll pick up a couple extra shifts at the plant. Whatever it

takes to make you feel better about yourself. But don't slip up. Don't say it like if you ever don't want to look like a pile of shit say it diplomatically. That's a tough call. How do you tell your wife you want her tits bigger? Tough. Yeah, very tough. Oh man. that's a tough call how do you tell your wife you want her tits bigger oh tough

yeah very tough oh man I think all you can do is hope that you know

she that the messaging in American culture gets to her how everyone everybody talks about how women's bodies are bad

and all that stuff hope that she's not in touch with herself and sees through that stuff. Yeah. Is happy with who she is. Hope that, you know, she walks past one too many Maybelline billboards, one too many Victoria's Secret billboards,

and that, you know, she wants to. Because that's happened before. I know people who have been in relationships whose, like, wives want to do it themselves, but you can't do it unless you do our patented little breadcrumb method. You really have no, you really have no, you're just a, and don't be too happy when she floats the idea either. She's like, I'm thinking about getting breast.

Yes. Yeah. You gotta let it, you gotta be like, oh, I don't, I just love you for how you are. You know? Don't act like Ralph Cramden when he hears the will. I'm rich. Exactly. You got to slow play it, even when she does admit that she wants big titties.

Yeah. Are you sure if it's what you want? I mean, that's okay. And just try and hide your smile. Maybe wear a COVID mask when she tells you so that she doesn't see you fucking smiling ear to ear. Yeah, keep a book on your lap see your dick just jump the prospect of her awful tits finally being humanized fucking utters oh man that has got to be it's also got to be what you could also do is pretend you don't know why and just be really nice to her while her tits are big.

That's another thing. Get her flowers, take her out. Hire a babysitter to watch the infant. And then once they go, change your behavior again and let her do the math. Let her figure it out. Yeah, when I'm breastfeeding,

he brings me breakfast in bed. And then when it's done, he's out till four in the morning and he makes oinking noises when I walk in the room. Now also, isn't there some way, because isn't birth control like tricking your body into thinking you're pregnant? Maybe we got to get her on a specific birth control to get her titties big.

I don't know, pal. You know, there's not, you're just in a tough predicament and just hope she wants big titties someday. Yeah, well look at pictures of fucking Jerry Lewis's head when he was on Pregnanzone or whatever it was. And just tell him, if your tits look like that,

that'd be a lot nicer to you. Yeah, put her on some weird steroids for that, whatever disease he had. Yeah, I forget what it was, but he was on a steroid and his head got all fucking fat. He was huge. Frog-like. Yeah, it her on some weird steroids for that whatever disease he had. Yeah, I forget what it was, but he was on a steroid. His head got all fucking fat. He was huge. Frog-like. Yeah, it was crazy.

All right, good luck to our friend there. Eldest, what else we got? Wouldn't you like a follow-up from that guy? I would. I would like to. Please call in. Let us know if it happened, how little your wife's tits are now. If you have any pictures of them real big, take them.

I would also, okay, one more. This is the question we've attacked from the most angles. You're teeming with ideas. People are like, I'm thinking about killing myself. I'm like, hey, buddy, go to therapy. Next question. This guy's, I'm like,

how does she react you know how does she react but how does she you know you must comment on her tits like it's not a woman knows that her body is different she she is much more aware of you of how much how big her tits are than even you are yeah she knows her body so it's like how does she react does she like having big ass tits does she talk about it you know what I mean you might have an opening there like well if you like them so much I guess we could get them bigger anyway

I'm done I can't I can't be seen giving this much thought to this question anymore you don't want to give away your fucking your true intentions hide the motive and does he like the breast feeding point that's a fetish for guys

the mothering nurturing thing like is it just the big tits or is it more of what it means maybe you get a little milk in there

people say it's sweet I haven't tried it we get it Jim you're sort of gay no I'm not complaining about the viscosity color and viscosity you're fine it doesn't even hurt your eye when it gets in there No, I'm not complaining about the viscosity of it. Color and viscosity, you're fine.

It doesn't even hurt your eye when it gets in there. It's not going to give me pink eyes. It's not a real substance. No, I've heard breast milk. We've had guys drink it on the show years ago, and they said it leaves almost a body odor aftertaste. Somebody said something like it was such a fucking visceral reaction I got from it. Like the aftertaste is supposed to be weird. Yeah, we've covered breastfeeding on this show.

We had Louis Katz on here. Is he into it? He has gotten breast, he definitely drank some breast milk and we discussed whether it was weird. To me, it almost has to be an intimacy that borders on some kind of sexual connection yeah like having a friend's breast milk seems a little weird to me anyway we don't have to check out the louis cats up now we're now we're citing former podcasts

check out cats at all it's stavi's world it's only good to drink a woman's breast milk if you know that you're depriving the child because it's fun to fuck up that bond. Right. If you're getting a psychological boost out of it, that's one thing. Oh, they'll never connect now. I don't even like this. This kid's fucked. This kid will be buying as many prostitutes as I did.

Next one. Next one. Next one, Big Eld. Hey, Stav. Got a question for you. Love the show. First time calling. So I'm 33. Been married since I was 21.

And I'm a wrestling coach. My wife just doesn't put up. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything. I'm like begging for once a month. It's pathetic. So

recently I was in a wrestling class and I'm teaching these kids and afterwards I get a DM from one of their moms and she basically says, hey, anytime, anywhere, just let me know. And I accepted that invite. Hell yeah. Pause this.

I love when someone calls us after the crime has been committed. It's like, what do you want me to do now? It's like calling your buddy. It's like, hey, man, my car is full of blood. Can you come with some Ajax? It's like... Do you guys know Mr. Wolf? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly, dude.

I'm sorry, brother. I ain't Harvey Keitel. And if I am, it's from the bad lieutenant. Yeah, the part where he's trying to fuck the babysitter show me how you suck a cock came on our door my hero

spit your gum out he was so specific great movie great film we should do that for our first for our first Davi's World film

film club episode, Eldest Anyway, let's finish Let's see what our friend here has to say It's a fucking 10 Out of Yeah, she is so hot Does everything It's amazing

I can't even get a fucking blowjob at home And this woman is willing to do anything Well, it's been going on for a couple months I feel terrible Yeah, no shit at home and this woman is willing to do anything. Well, it's been going on for a couple months. I feel terrible. Yeah, no shit. I love my wife very much. I don't know what to do. I know I've got to end it.

I know I've got to do that. But I don't want to because that pussy is so good. I'm just at a loss for words. I don't know what to do. Give me some advice. I love you. I'm looking forward to seeing you at one of your shows coming up in Phoenix

whenever you're coming through. Yeah. Have a great New Year. Not shocked. This is the Phoenix area by the way there's a milf just lurking at wrestling practice well it's also because

this fuckhead he's in Phoenix and he's coaching all day and his balls are probably sweaty and his wife's like I don't want to go near these things yeah yeah yeah by the way

here's the thing here's what I love about this call he's tried everything I wonder if that I wonder if trying everything is also being nice to your wife doing a couple like what do you mean you've tried everything

like you got her a present like truly have you tried everything have you talked to her do you know why she doesn't want to put out I got a hunch you haven't tried everything I got a hunch with how quickly you fucked some random whore in your DMs, you weren't as thorough

trying to rekindle the romance with your wife. By try everything, you mean you rubbed her back for 10 minutes while you were watching Jeopardy! And you're like, no! Fine! Then you go did fucking tackling drills by yourself in your garage. I'm team this guy. I'm team this guy.

I'm team this guy. I respect this guy. Yeah, I mean, look, from what I'm hearing here, and listen, do you have kids is my biggest question. Sure. And if you don't have kids, pal, it sounds like, again, just going off of what we know, a completely sexless begging for it relationship in of what we know, a completely sexless, begging-for-it relationship

in your, you know, early 30s sounds like there's some red flags in the relationship. You're probably not really connecting as much. Maybe she's overworked. Like, look, I don't know the median income of a fucking high school wrestling coach. I'm guessing it ain't that fucking... Is she pulling double shifts to pay rent?

Yeah. Like, what did you mean try everything? Did you go to grad school did you get your fuck are you hanging drywall when you're not wrestling like you know how much there's just so much to a reason women don't want to fuck their husbands and oftentimes it gets so like shrunken down to she's being a fucking bitch yeah it's like she's probably stressed out there's probably so many you know so many uh um factors and if there aren't and you guys are just fundamentally incompatible sexually then either answer you probably shouldn't be together right or she's on only fans all day fucking two of the kids he teaches wrestling while he's at work. And she's just tired. They've got her pussy in a full Nelson.

Yeah, there's so many reasons. But so many guys. That was my greatest fear about marriage. That all of a sudden the person doesn't want to fuck anymore. They don't want to. That's what happens. That's every fucking married guy who's over 40 complains, I don't get blown anymore. This doesn't happen.

They all complain about that shit. Right, right, right. And to me, almost always, there is something that they are, whenever you hear a guy complain about that or anybody, a person complain about that, it's like they're oftentimes ignoring the reasons they're doing that feed into this. Right. You know what I mean?

Where it's like, yeah, your relationship is probably bad on some level. And you have just been, you don't get to just like fuck some lady for, look, it wasn't even like one time and you were overcome with guilt and you stopped. You fucked this bitch for a couple months. You're actively during this call, you're like, I got to stop it, but the pussy's so good. In the middle of saying you need to stop, you're like you're actively during this call you're like I gotta stop it but the pussy's so good like in the middle of saying you need to stop you're like you're not even hard right now you're like it's one of those guys completely flaccid talking to me and he's talking about how good the pussy is

so we talk to him something to why he's gonna do it again he's not gonna stop and he shouldn't stop keep fucking them off yeah enjoy I but you do have two paths my friend. And one is much harder, unfortunately. And maybe it doesn't sound, it sounds like he's setting himself up to feel like he had no choice. Yeah.

But to break up or to cheat, you did have a choice. You do have a choice. But you have to be honest with yourself. What is the real reason you and your wife don't fuck? Is it really her being kind of a bitch or are there problems in your relationship either way you have cheated right and um yeah you either gotta come you either gotta stop and kind of come clean which is going to be

brutal and you're not going to do i can tell you that you don't feel like you're going to do it or maybe you have to just fucking i mean be honest and see is this really you know you love your wife very much you didn't you know you didn't love her that much if you're getting your fucking ass eaten for a month couple months again it wasn't even like a once spur-of-the-moment thing it's like once you're locked into even a fling I do think there is levels to cheating you're locked into even a fling. I do think there is levels to cheating. You're in kind of a, and by the way,

what's the, it's a kid's mom that you, like that's, that's a fuck, you're an idiot. You're gonna get caught. That's the other thing, it's like,

she might know. This is probably from a couple months ago. This guy's probably getting divorced right now and she's got the house. You're fucked. Like, you gotta, you know. Stav, I'm gonna say this is the first time a high school coach has been my hero.

What a great move. You got put out at home, you'll fuck that damaged kid's broken mother. It's awful. You know what I'm... By the way, be careful of the husband. That's what you gotta remember. There's a guy in her life who either knows she's cheating or suspects or he's fucking lurking.

And if he doesn't shoot you, he'll blow you up at home. So just be careful. But keep doing it. I would say keep fucking her because if your wife is not going to give you what you got, go out there and just keep fucking her. Teach her a lesson. You've earned it, coach.

Wish I had a whistle. He's just holding a clipboard that says, keep getting pussy. Check. All right, well, good luck. God bless. You're kind of fucked here, but all right, what else we got, Eldis? Hey there, Stav.

Hey, Eldis. Hey, guest. So my problem is I'm a 37-year-old, and for most of my life, my friends and I have been pretty adventurous. We will book trips to around the world, do backpacking, go kayaking, do these, like, really big kind of grand things. And the problem that I'm running into now is I'm at an age where I know I'm not going to have two more years of this. You know, if you're trying to do these, like, push yourself harder and harder sorts of things, you get, I don't know, maybe early 40s to be able to keep doing these sorts of things. And at this point, most of the friends that I've grown up doing all this with,

they're at an age where they're starting to have kids and just they're not available to do these things anymore. And so here I am knowing that I only have a few not available to do these things anymore and so here i am knowing that i only have a few more years to do this but i just don't have the guys that i've done this with forever to do it with anymore and i'm trying to figure out how do i keep moving forward and trying to create these really cool memories that mean something to me how many times sir have you been in a party talking and then you realize you were holding a drink and everyone was left? You're just by yourself. No one wants to do your gay little triathlons.

They want to fucking see their child grow up. What's the cooler memory? Is the first steps of a baby? Or like, oh, wow, you fucking climbed a mountain with another guy who lives in his van, dude. I'm sorry to shit on you, but it's like, yeah, that's what you're talking about. You like it. They have moved on.

Anyway, let's see. Droning on his side, does he get to the point soon, Eldest, do you think? Yeah. And trying to create these really cool memories that mean something to me while not having the core group that I've had to do it with forever okay there's a question from experience that from my understanding there's really two options either make friends with people who are in their like late 20s and keep doing this and god that feels pathetic at my age or on the flip side you start signing up for these like adventure groups where you have a guide and they take other similar minded people out to do these things i've done those in the past and usually one that ends up happening is they shave all the danger out of it so that you have what's going on for you they're cooking all

your lunches like you're not doing any of the stuff that actually makes the trip hard and therefore fun and so i i know i've got to do something because, again, it really means something to me. Why? I just can't figure out how to be losing these people that have been important to you for this sort of stuff. To this thing, I'm never going to have kids. That's not important to me. And so I'm losing them to something that just doesn't matter to me at least. The joke I did in the middle of this is his real opinion. I hope I wasn't too scatterbrained

there was a way to explain that really love the show and thanks for taking the call I missed it can we hear that again yeah dude you're like they are right and you are wrong and I get that too right cause like I've definitely experienced that where it's, you know, I hired my best friend.

Otherwise, this motherfucker would be writing listicles for some horrible website right now. And I'd barely see him. Right. There is. I definitely felt that way as a comedian where it's like my life's dumb as shit. Like when I go back to Baltimore and I, you know, I look at my little who are in my head are my little brothers and my brother's talking about having kids and shit like that i'm like he's a baby yeah he's a 32 year old man right but to me it's like this is a fucking little kid so it's like people grow up bro people have kids if you want to be and you're right it is pathetic like making like you know making new friends whatever. It's like it is kind of like like getting marriage the right move because I talk about all the time being like a guy in your 40s, 50s, just as like a pussy hound. Bad guy. Yeah.

You don't want to be that guy. It's a rough go. It's fucking sad, dude. It sucks. And you are sort of the like you're the like uh you know hiking equivalent of that guy you're like adventure tourism equivalent of that guy and so you're either gonna have to make new friends or yeah i love how you're like it's just i'm losing them to something that just doesn't matter it's like raising a family does matter yeah it's objectively more important than what

you were doing fucking paragliding important than what you're doing, than fucking paragliding. Yeah. You eating trail mix and then wiping your ass with poison ivy. It doesn't matter. Now, it matters to you. We get it. You create your own meaning, whatever.

But, yeah, your puckered up asshole isn't a big deal. So I have you look at it one of two ways yes either fine work on finding different uh different friends maybe people that are also like-minded you know if you're not a person who does if you're a person who doesn't want to have kids there's probably people out there and you're it's sort of in your same boat sure if this is really what matters to you again whatever not my thing but whatever you like doing it you like doing it or you know stick maybe meet these if these what's more important to you the the hike or the people right and if it's the people you're gonna have to go to some little kid birthday parties okay one year you don't get to fucking go surfing with your boys one year you guys have you go you know you go to a cabin with with all their kids or whatever and it's like maybe maybe you want to maybe show his their

kids this kind of shit teach their kids about hiking camping all this kind of shit whatever like you have to decide what's more important to you the the friends or the fucking little activities and why do you really want to cheat death with a mountain like with your vacation he's talking about how the danger's gone and all this shit. He's like, what is missing from your life? I just don't feel alive. I want to circumcise a ram. I don't feel like I'm living.

Yeah, dude. So that's, and maybe you'll be able to get your friends, you know, maybe you have to take a break from these people until their kids get a little older and they can get a weekend away or whatever. But this is life, brother. People fucking grow up, move on. And you're the one who is, I'm not going to say wrong, but you're the one who has a different lifestyle than them. And it's up to you to decide.

Do you want to fit in or do you want to find some more, you know, weird little adventure tourists like you? You think that his friends don't want to hear about his fucking stand-by-me body on the train track story anymore? You guys remember? Yeah. We do. Yeah, we do, but we have shit to do, man.

I know. How much better does that coach look right now? Yeah. Can you go cheat on your wife or something? Fucking the other mom having a good time. That guy sounds cool compared to you. He's the best. Cheating's better than fucking hiking, I'll tell you that much. Dangerous hikes where you have to eat raw fucking goat liver

or whatever the fuck you find on the trail. Yeah. Kayaking. Yeah. Bunch of men in the woods. What a shit weekend that sounds like. Sounds horrible. I'd rather do nothing less. Sounds bad, dude. Yeah. Bunch of men in the woods. Yeah. What a shit weekend that sounds like. Sounds horrible. I'm going to do nothing less.

Sounds bad, dude. Yeah, sums up with him, though. What is it in your life that makes you have to fucking fill this hole with, like, you know, bungee jumping or whatever the fuck you're doing? Yeah. Just wants to be away from people and a little fucking, in a little shed. Yeah. Like Ted Kaczynski.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little weirdo in the woods. That'd be cool. If you want to fucking blow up the government, that's cooler than what you're talking about. At least have some drive. At least there's an end game. What do you want to do? Kill everyone.

All right. All right. So yeah, dude. Either try and meet your friends halfway. Maybe invest a little bit with their family. You either have to compromise with your friends and decide do the people matter or does the thing matter? And if the thing matters, then yeah.

There's no easy answer. You're just going to have to find people that are like-minded and it might take a while. But whatever, fuck you. By the way, what a shit weekend to go camping with your friends and have to teach their kids how to do things. I'm one of them with the marshmallow. I fucking hate this thing.

Hate your kid. Yeah, no, that sounds horrible to me too, but, you know, whatever. I am excited to be the bad influence uncle, though. That's my role in a kid's life. Yeah. I can't wait to, you know, Elders has some kids, you know, engender some self-hating Albanian sentiments inside of the kid, talk to him about Greek supremacy,

hating Albanian sentiments inside of the kid. Talk to him about Greek supremacy. Buy him toys his mom expressly forbade me from getting him. Stuff like that, you know? I can't wait for that. What else we got, Big Eld? Eldest, stop, guest. Thanks for taking my call.

Calling in from Austin, Texas. Buddy, I got a friend of mine has a real bad cocaine problem, been in and out of sober living for about a year now, just can't seem to get his life straight. He's one of my wife's friends, and, man, he's just in a bad spot, and I can't, like, get it through his head to just get a job instead of doing Uber Eats all damn day and stop doing cocaine and just be an adult. He's, like, 32, 34, and he's just having a really hard time. And I'm not sure exactly what to do at this point because he's basically homeless he comes over to eat you know he doesn't have money to eat

he's living out of his car his car smells like shit there's food stains all over his uh his honda and the problem is is that he's really hung up over his brother's passing, which happened at least 10, 15 years ago. And what happens is that he'll do a bunch of cocaine and then start getting in his feels and break down. And this is just a cycle. Cocaine, feels, breakdown, breakdown. I don't really see cocaine as a mourning drug. It's a drug to get sad about.

It's a real pick-me-up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, you know, do you want to do pills and be sad? Don't you want to do heroin? This guy's like, ah, I miss my brother. I haven't seen my brother in either 10 to 15 years. Some vague amount of time. 10 to 15 is awesome.

10 to 15 is awesome. 10 to 15 is awesome. 10 or 11 is an estimate. 10 to 15, we should meet this guy once. Oh, fuck. All right, finish the call here. He steals cocaine, and he just doesn't want to better himself. I don't know what to do, man. Me and my wife are kind of at odds, and we love the guy.

But any advice you got, we would love. Have a good one. His wife's friend is sad about his brother dying, let's split the difference, say, 12 and a half years ago. 12 and a half years ago. And he's just not, I mean what do you do if you really think this is like about his brother's passing he has substance abuse issues and you really want to do something for the guy then like take one big effort to put him in fucking rehab and if it

doesn't stick hey he's selling taquitos and out of the honda until it breaks down and then he's sucking cock for a while. I don't know what to tell you. If you really want to do it, and your wife is the one who's kind of pushing you along here, then make a real effort. Giving him food and letting him shower in your house isn't exactly fixing anything.

Right. It's almost like adopting a wreck. It's like when you let a cat come inside when it snows and then leave it to its own devices the rest of the time. It's like you just kind of have adopted an animal here. You're teaching him that he's always going to get fed. He's always going to have a place to come. Yeah, yeah.

Or maybe put a little bowl out for him. Maybe actually treat him like an animal. Have a little hose outside he can use and put a little bowl of uh chow for him every day and that's uh draw your boundary there but yeah yeah dude i mean you know just fucking you gotta either make a real effort but this kind of like halfway letting the guy hang out in your life and kind of You know suck resources and like stress everybody out. It's like I don't know do your best to help him but Make an actual effort instead of like I don't know what even is his exact question like what are they doing for you? I don't know what he wants. Yeah, just to get him to stop doing cocaine. I

Think what you gotta do is have him come over and if he wants to take a shower He has to talk about his brother for 15 minutes without crying. If I see one tear, you're leaving dirty. You're leaving dirty. I'm eating a burrito in front of you. No lunch if you sniffle. One sniffle, motherfucker, and you're out. Yeah, I love that.

Showers for therapy. Make him go to therapy. He's been in and out of sober living. I mean, yeah. So he's been to rehab, and it's just not sticking. Yeah, he's using his brother's death as an excuse to continue using. I'm sure he feels bad about it, but that's the reason he pretends he can't stop. Yeah, and that is fucking brutal.

I mean, if he's in some kind of shitty setup like all you can do is give it a real effort um try and help him any way you can but like at a certain point yeah i mean it is his it sucks but it's his life yeah and what would you do like what what do you want to do what does your wife want to do and is i mean short of basically adopting a grown man, I don't know what you... And even then, it's like, who's to say he's going to stop? I mean, he's got money for cocaine. You know what I mean? Can you set up a checking account for him?

Every time he's going to buy coke, deposit it, and then get him an apartment? I don't fucking know what to do here. That's a tough one. Hopefully he's doing coke while he drives Uber Eats and he fucking rushes delivery. Yeah, yeah tough one. Hopefully he's doing coke while he drives Uber Eats and he fucking rushed delivery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wonder what his rating

is. We should stop crying on my food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are my nachos soggy? They're here fast, but they're wet. Yeah, man, I don't know. Let's talk about that guy's wife's tits some more

Yeah Big fat birthing tits Oh fuck Let's get something nice Elvis you know What up What up Elvis So I'm gonna cut right to the chase

Thank you we appreciate that What better podcast to ask in? So, I hope viewers are listening and get some. Actually, yeah, I'll cut to the chase. Please do. I like fat women. Nice, dude. Like, not just like any fat women.

Like, if you're fat, I'm going to fuck you. But, like, I love the fat women. Obviously, they got to be gotta be pretty too face over anything but my advice is uh my wife is not fat um that doesn't mean i don't think she's sexy i love all types of women i just like fat a little more that's awesome but here's the thing she's been eating a lot of fast food she doesn't like to work out she's been getting fatter and she keeps going she's uh self-conscious about it i make her not self-conscious i'm like oh you look gorgeous i mean obviously i think she is and for really she's not fat right now and i'm not like

eating her like some weird board kink or whatever it's called. I just like the fat body type. You know what I'm saying? Sure. On women. Stav, you're beautiful. Thanks, man. I get it. Anyway, I don't want to – I feel kind of selfish like letting her do this.

Like I don't know if it's selfish to like be like when she – like we'll go to McDonald's and I'll get like just a 10-piece and fries and she'll be like, what should I get? And I'm like, get the to McDonald's and I'll get like just a 10 piece and fries and she'd be like what should I get I'm like ah get the 20 piece and the Big Mac this guy's literally doing the thing we said about the guy's wife's tits he's literally slowly dropping

hints about getting fatter this is incredible what a fucking guy this literally feeding his wife's addiction he's like I don't know if it's selfish that I want my wife to have coronary disease so my dick stays hard. She feels bad about it, but I like fucking her 20% more.

Yeah, my wife had a mild stroke. Oh, my gosh. She looked great with her fucking legs up in the air. Let's finish it. Obviously, I think she's sexy right now She's my wife But I mean If she's getting a little fatter I mean

Hey I mean it's a win-win She's getting to eat what she wants Do what she wants And I get to Fuck a fat bitch So romantic It feels gross

But I also don't know If I'm doing anything wrong, really, because I'm not, like I said, I'm not, like, force-feeding her, perpetuating it in any way, but I'm also not stopping. So am I, like, a grimy, slimy dude? Like, I don't know. Stop. So let me know. Thanks.

This is awesome. I like this swinging back our way for once. Yeah. I like finally somebody's living the dream this fucking broad. You know, look, if you're like truly forcing her to get fatter, that's what. But it's also like I think being a neutral party, like somebody gains a little weight in their, somebody gains a little weight in their somebody gains a little weight in their

you know, they've been together a while life stressful, whatever, that's one thing if you want to, but to be like hey, you should get a 20 piece and a big, like to force her hand one way or the other, I think what you need to do is lay back and let nature take its course

I think an American woman who's semi-stressed is going to keep getting fatter and i think you just these are the these are the the you know you live in the right society if you want to fuck a fat bitch you sure do and i'm just saying you this way if you don't push her in one direction or other you let nature take its course you get to you know what i mean you get to fuck a fat woman with a clear conscience. You know, it's not up to you to be her, hey, listen, you don't gotta be her personal trainer,

but you also don't gotta fucking tell her to get more fries either. I disagree. Treat your wife like a goose and shove a funnel down her throat like when they want to make fucking pate, whatever the fuck it is, and feed her until she's where you need her to be. Yep. Chain her to be. Yep.

Chain her up like veal. Make sure she gets no movement whatsoever. Nice tender thighs. Not a muscle on them. Fucking big soft wildebeest you can roll around with. Yep. That's beautifully said, Jim. Yeah, dude, let it go. You know, you're good.

Just don't force feed her. Let, you know, let nature take its course. Don't comment one way or the other. Make her feel better. But if she starts working out and she take if she tries to stop being fat you can't stop her that's really the thing yeah that would be fucked up if she finally starts if she starts putting protein powder you put nesquik in her protein powder yeah to make you know what i mean if you're fucking just she meal preps and you just pour olive oil in it when she's not looking in her steamed broccoli. She's like, this is a really good batch.

That's when you're being a fucking dickhead. But you're good right now, I think. You just got to be Switzerland about the whole thing. We're trying to get her into diabetes porn. You're only jerking off to women who have lost a few toes or a fucking leg. There's a lot of options here. Yeah, if you want to make a little more money, you could get into the...

And you know, it doesn't sound like... It sounds like he's at the tip of being in the feeder category, this guy. Yeah. He doesn't sound so fat himself. I don't know. He doesn't have a fat voice to me. It's about being... It's also sometimes people are afraid of being left

and somebody who's fat is going to stay. A lot of times it's a fear of abandonment. Interesting. Things like that. Anybody ever feed you? Anybody try and plump you up? Twice a week. No, not at all.

No one has ever. Because I don't get like, I don't get like sexy. I get like just doughy. I get like sickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a frog. You melt into yourself. I melt into myself.

It's unattractive. Yes, yes. I look like if you held me upside down my head would get fatter yeah yeah i definitely have had a couple women expressly fuck me because they want they like fucking you know real big fat guys if you like rubbing my belly a little too in a way that makes me feel like i'm getting molested yeah like it actually is pretty sick i feel like whoa what the yeah truly like it kind of fucked me one time it happened the first time it ever happened to me i was you know i had started getting a little pussy off of uh you know online fame i started getting a little come town pussy and i was on

tour and a girl hit me up i happened to be in her city and I'm like oh she must have listened to the you know podcast no I plugged my date she hit me up complete happenstance did not know about the podcast followed me because she liked fucking fat guys and I was like what the fuck and she was literally like like I saw a look in her eyes i had never like women even women who like loved me that we were in relationship with i saw a look in her eyes where i was like oh my god like is this how men look at women in a strip club i was like kind of scared the level of sexual energy that was coming off and it was like felt cool she was you know a little crazy you who would have guessed yeah yeah yeah how good in bed was she?

It was out of control. Didn't even so much as look sideways at a condom. Why would you? Why would you? Really worried about it for months later. Yeah. In the clear. It's been a few years.

You know? You call up to the majors. When you go up to bat in Yankee Stadium, you don't put a bag over your back. What the fuck are dirty it was crazy it felt awesome and that's i've had a couple of those two happen where it's like somewhere in between where it's like and it's always true like something's wrong with them and they're like something has gone a screw has gone loose in their head and they are way too hot yeah yeah it's like it's like some of the hottest women that i've hooked up with have had that feeling and it's

been like not a lot obviously that'd be crazy if there was like you know 50 of these women running around but it was like a nice handful that i will think about quite often yeah uh so anyway i think i'm gonna go beat off now now me, just thinking about you being treated so well. Just because you're a good friend. I jerk off to my friends being treated with respect. Just be treated like a king for Christ's sake. Anyway, I think that's going to do it for us. Jim, thank you so much for coming on the show.

This is so much. This is great. I loved it, and thanks for having me on. Anytime, brother. Anytime you want to come back on, let us know. Go watch the YouTube channel. Go see Jim live. Oh, my gosh. That's great. I loved it. And thanks for having me on. Anytime, brother. Anytime you want to come back on, let us know. Go watch the YouTube channel. Go see Jim live.

And yeah, we'll see you next week, guys. Bye-bye. Thanks, buddy.