Stavvy's World - #64 - Jim Norton

Episode Date: February 19, 2024

The legendary Jim Norton joins the pod to discuss paying for dirty hotlines with money orders, jumping headfirst into a cohabitating relationship during COVID, surprisingly loving married life, and much more. Jim and Stav help callers including a man wondering about the ethics of lustfully fattening up his wife, and a wrestling coach who's having trouble ending a cheating fling with the mom of one of his students. Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy See Jim Norton live on the Now You Know tour! Get tickets at https://www.jimnorton.com/ Check out Nikki & Jim, his YouTube page chronicling his relationship with his wife Nikki! www.youtube.com/@NikkiandJimNYC Follow Jim Norton on social media: https://www.youtube.com/@JimNortonComedy  https://www.instagram.com/jimnorton/ https://twitter.com/jimnorton Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to Stavage World 904800 Stav. Call in, we'll solve your problems. We got Jim Norton, we're so pumped to have the legend on the couch in Astoria and Punes. Thanks so much for being here dude. Dude, coming here in Astoria, it reminded me of so many times where I would look through back page. Yeah, I was literally going to ask you, was the last time you were here to purchase sex? It was crazy. It's the first time I've walked into Queens and I pull my dick out. Yeah, there must be different flavors up here.

You know what I mean? Yeah. You know when you're feeling, when you want to mix it up. I had one. I saw, I actually didn't come to Queens as much just because of Manhattan is such a choice. But I came here years ago and I went, I don't know if it was Jackson Heights' story, but I walked out and it's this drunk Spanish guy

that kind of started looking at me and then he puts up his fist to fight me and he was so fucking drunk, I'm like, I could kill this guy, but I walked away and he's following me and I just ran up the street. This guy chased me up the street. I felt like such a fucking coward. Wow.

And then he's like trying to throw an hour at me. And I'm like, hey man, there's kids around. I finally lost him on the train. I went on the subway and lost him. That's insane. But I'm like, what am I doing? You're doing a full action movie, get on the train, up and down the steps,

trying to lose this just drunk Hispanic man. But I also thought, you never know, first of all, I hit the guy, he was just that. He was a little guy all. And I'm like, I don't know who he's got around here, does he live here? If I hit him, I get my ass kicked by 10 guys. Well, you're also freshly nutted,

so it's like you have all your senses. You're really thinking logically. You're like, because if you're still horny You're like, I'm gonna fuck this guy. I'm gonna get pussy, but you had just nutted. Yeah, so you're like, I have to fear a lawsuit I have to get home, you know, you're children here Yeah, yeah, I could hear them at recess while I was eating a trans woman's ass earlier That didn't bother me, but now we we can't put fisticuffs up On my way into her apartment. I would have pushed a stroller in front of a train.

Get that! And then ran the fucking over. Yeah, that's awesome dude. Yeah, the back base, so I was a very, because now you can't, I think it's off the internet. It's all gone. You really have to know what to do. Oh man, another egregious government overreach. The FBI coming in and shutting it down. When I was in college getting absolutely no pussy whatsoever,

I never, I think because I was a coward, I never called, but I did a lot of perusing and jacking. Yeah, oh yeah. I did a lot of like put the first five digits in the thing and then, oh, you know what oh I mean coming immediately I never I never actually had the guts to like and I think I think probably it's a I got lucky and then I grew up just there's enough internet whereas like the first time you probably had to buy sex it was like a true it was all numbers it was all kind of random it was all like seedy there was no safety to it from the jump right it was all numbers. It was all kind of random. It was all like Seedy there was no safety to it from the jump right? It was all dangerous. I remember I bought phone sex

Yeah, this is like old school. I really a money order into California And I've been jerking off longer than some of you alive Wait a second you had to get a money order to a fucking like pre You had to go get a money order? So you had to like pre, you had to go get a money order weeks before you wanted to jack off. $90 for a money order. I mailed into California. They mailed me through like a registered mail,

a bunch of phone numbers, and you had 30 days, those numbers were good for. So you could call and jack off at any time of the day Wow, but they were all California So I'd be on my way to work, and I called it like seven in the morning I didn't lose 4 a.m. There and it was like you want to talk dirty now Fucking bus kill. Yeah, it was all magazines back then Oh, yeah, and I remember I went down to fucking sobs just real quick. I want to hear that Oh, yeah, so you're telling me it was more like a monthly pass. It wasn't by the minute

It was like all you can jerk 90 that seems like a pretty good deal. It was until you get fucking cranky One who doesn't want to do it I would love customer service on foot. It's just the same women without just dropping with their real voice. They're like, you know. Can I speak to your manager? Yeah, that lady's a bitch. Yeah, I'll talk to her. That's hilarious.

But yeah, you'd have to mail in, man. It was a very, it was a different experience than now. Wow, Jim, hold on. Quiet. I just made a sale. Holy hell, I made a sale thanks to Shopify. Sign up right now. You want to be like me make money selling stuff on Shopify. It's easy. You can make your store easy, customize it. Sign up

for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Stavi. All lowercase stavvy. Go to Shopify.com Stavi now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash Stavi. My apologies, Mr. Norton. I mean, I cannot believe that's such a level of dedication of like the, I almost wonder if ADD has helped certain types of sex addiction go away because you had to focus to become a sex addict.

There were so many steps. So like I can't even imagine, like even the times I've thought, like I said, thought about going so whatever, like going to a prostitute, whatever, I have always jacked off. There's so, like I could just jack off, it's right there in front of me.

Whereas like, if I really had to wait for it, like I think it's a generational thing where it's like you really earned your sex addiction. There was no like really falling into it. No, I worked for it. Which is kind of interesting. Yeah, you really worked for it. I worked for it, you know what?

When I was like nine or 10, when you blow all your friends, you're like this is going somewhere. Stick with it, Jim. It's like I had a gift. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know they have that story about Wayne Gritsky as a baby sitting and watching hockey and crying?

You're watching gay porn and it's like, oh, you turn it off, wham! Put it back on. Baby Jim doesn't like when it's off. My father was Earl Woods. He took me out to the Mike Douglas show and he had me blow ten birds my age. A prodigy.

That's so funny. Yeah, but it starts, and it was weird. It's weird to go through this whole era of like as it gets faster and faster and it gets easier. But I always do the same thing. Like, do you remember Screw Magazine? No, Mr. Screw. Yeah, that was how it was. Tactile. tactile like you'd have to go to the adult bookstore you'd buy a screw or you'd get it from the newsstand and then you would just peruse and right I got into credit card debt there was this one and in here in New York they had this thing where there was a whole bunch of lovely transgender gals

in this one house wow and I put down my credit card because why would they steal for me? Yeah, you open up a tab You want to pay for up front or just leave your car leave the car I'll be back So it was like I fucking I did it and they ran me into about $10,000. Holy shit. I was in credit card debt for years and the only reason I got out of it is because I would call and this took me years to get this off and they were like one of these charges and I'm like well I was going to see escorts. Like you people are usually embarrassed about that but I was single.

I didn't care. I was lonely and desperate. I wanted connection. But I finally got rid of it but that took me years to untangle. Wow, that's incredible. So they were just like, and the people were like, oh, okay, you didn't pay for this much sex? Or they like took it off your thing

or you said it was fraud or what? Well, no, the sex I paid for, but they would use it for other things. Like they take your credit card and then they would charge. Size 11 heels. Yes, exactly. The largest heels you've ever seen in your life yeah prom dress and hugs okay I see I see and you got those charges off good for you man over years yeah I would save

I had paperwork saved for years because again you have to call and wait online stuff and I respect that. I respect, yeah, the shame. That is the one time how having no shame has really, it saved you a nice 10 Gs, it sounds like. It did, yeah, because I never felt better than anybody. I always felt like, oh, they're doing me such a favor by fucking me.

Right, right, right, right, right, right. I loved them. A good customer. Yeah. A great customer. And so what ages are these where it's like, because I caught the tail end of physical porn. We caught the go to Royal Farm,

go to a gas station, whatever. They still had that one rack. Because we were like, Greek town was right by like, there's a lot of truck stops and all. So you got just a little bit of throwback stuff, but we never called the number or anything like that. So you're talking about little bit of throwback stuff, but we you know we we never called the number anything like that So you're talking about what's the earth like when are you buying for what age are you when you're getting that money order?

How old are you the money order? I might have been 1918 20 in that area When I was a kid like 1112 there was a motel like we used to go over there like 13 drunk and walk through the hallway and just eat food off the room service Trace and Fucking just feral new Jersey children Absolute garbage with cowlicks and a twitch And by the way Jersey room left over room service. Yeah, it's not fresh, you don't wanna eat that. Not fine dining, no, no.

This was not fine dining. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, would you have a pack of like, your parents are working too much? Or they were just kinda checked out? They would, no, my dad would work. My mom was a stay at home mom, but I would just go out and again and again,

you weren't monitored as closely in the fuckin' and they had magazine a magazine rack there with every month They had what penthouse playboy and we magazine we so I would go there with a screwdriver Okay, and fucking let put the screwdriver on and Jimmy the magazine's out and I would steal the magazine that motel Really took care of some of my most basic needs It's so funny because I feel like people stop monitoring their kids, or started monitoring their kids. I mean, again, I feel like the millennial age that we grew up in the, you know, I was born in the late 80s.

So it's like, we, depending on where you grew up, you did have kind of a, I had a bit of a throwback childhood where it's like, my parents kind of let us go. I didn't have a phone. We didn't have internet for a while. But other people my age totally had all that stuff. But I think the big thing was people were scared of like sex crimes, molestation, all that stuff. And you truly were pretty much just trying to get molested.

You were trying to get sex trafficked in everything you did. I literally stood in the shoulder of the highway with my asshole open waiting. No takers. I literally stood in the shoulder of the highway with my asshole open waving No takers And who you're like what are your friends like you have a pack of sexual deviants they were we were all I don't know how we connected This is back in Edison and and there were girls too, but they were less deviant at that and they were also scarier And there were girls too, but they were less deviant at that. And they were also scarier.

I didn't know what the parts were. But not being a bunch of my buddies, but also when one guy found out, oh, I got called a faggot a lot as a kid. That label sticks in the fucking, I'm telling you, kids don't forget anything. But I used to, thank God we moved out of that neighborhood. That was getting bad, and I was getting chased,

and that was rough. That's wild, dude. And I mean, some, what's the origin story? No one sucked you off? If you really were a prodigy. I just, it was like, why did Bobby Fisher play chess? I don't know. Because everything you're describing, I'm like,

oh, this is the most molested baby of all time. Every, and plus, if you look at pictures of me, you're like, I'm like, oh, this is the most molested baby of all time. And plus, if you look at pictures of me, you're like, I would absolutely fuck that kid. I was a fuckable boy. But no, I didn't. As far as I know, if I was, it was so traumatic that the slate has been wiped clean. And I know what I'm putting my money on.

Exactly that. Yeah. It was something barbaric. I don't know why. I know my therapist is always like you were abused. I don't feel like I was. I feel like I showed up. I feel like I showed up. I think that because my parents were cool whatever they really didn't want me to sleep over. Really didn't want me to sleep over. And I kind of think sometimes like did something so horrible happen to me that like they were scared that like when I don't remember but I just don't know they were like they would get really freaked out if I was or unattended or whatever the fuck where it's like I don't know it's just like I don't think

anything like that and I never blew my friends eldest gonna test we grew up together I never sucked is disgusting Albanian dick But you know sometimes I wonder like or maybe maybe some happen to them You know, maybe my dad maybe weirdly got molested in I mean Greece in the 60s. Yeah, I got away with Really molested in a you know, third-world country post-World War two. Yeah, some sick fingers that smell like olives Yeah, the coarse pubes around your ass are actually an evolutionary trait to keep you from getting finger fucked on an olive grove. Yeah, I don't know, man. That's wild, dude.

Yeah. Oh, wow. So you were just really, it's really, there was no, no, you were just, this was the life forever. Off to the races, yes, my first love. And it's so funny now, I'm 55, and like, you know, obviously I'm married, so like I really don't cheat on my wife. It's bizarre to say that, but it's like,

you run out your addiction, it's like, you can only for so long before you're like, what am I gonna die alone? I get that too, I mean, I see that too, like I opened for Bobby for years and I was a fan of both of you guys. You know, when I was like, you know, when I was getting into,

I feel bad telling people when I was a kid cause I also look like I look worse than my age. So we see a guy tell like, looks like me like, dude, when I was 12, I loved the AGM and you're like, Jesus Christ, how old am I? But like, I really, I really really did but I struck me of like Cuz getting to know you guys now like Bobby. I cut you know probably ten years ago Whatever he really was on the he really was like running off fumes. Yeah, I mean Bobby also like

Castrated himself by getting so fat. Yeah, no, you know like sexual desires. Fuck if you can't find it by getting so fat, he had no sexual desires. Fuck if he can't find it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But when I met him, he was so much less of a, and I think, and now he's like the chillest dad of all time. He really is just, you would never guess the weird shit Bobby did from his suburban life and his kid and all this shit.

But it's funny to see that with you too, because I feel like that's a relatively recent development where it's like, and it's funny to see that with you too, because I feel like that's a relatively recent development where it's like, you know, and now look, let's you married a trans woman half your age. So it's not really, that is the like deviance way of settling down. It's not like- It's the best I could do, man.

It's just the closest I could come. It's not exactly like, you know, the all American traditional story, but in a weird way, your dynamics are, which is so funny, it just shows you like, damn, everyone does just want the same stuff. Even if you're some weird kid trying to get sucked off by a man at nine. You end up, and eventually you wanna be a husband

that like comes home to dinner. To dinner somebody that loves them. You know? You really, and it's like, we get a, people are like, oh, she's younger than you. I dated age, quote unquote, age appropriate. I was a woman who's probably 50 now or 48 now. And the reason we stopped dating

is because she wanted kids quickly. Like, I'm like, I'm wasting, we dated years ago, she was in her 30s. I'm wasting her time. Like, I don't want kids. Nikki, I just get along with, I have fun with her, legit fun with her. Not just like, oh, she's my wife,

and I gotta fuck her. Like, I really like doing shit with her, I wouldn't do it if I didn't like it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there is something wholesome to that of just like, yeah, we're just, this is what stops you from, or not even stops you, you were kind of done with doing that.

I was done with it. Yeah. It also feels a little, you know, I wonder if you ever got not been able to get hard with a prostitute. I haven't been able to not get hard on Viagra with any, are you kidding? There's times where my dick just decided it's not happening.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's got to feel bad to like also be out However much money and the hassle like I can't imagine Not nutting in a situation like that in some weird house and like you know, wherever the you know Harlem Well, I would jerk off anyway, and it would be a limp and it's really Like one of those things outside of gas station to let you know, to feel like one of those fucking weird gummies that bends outside of a tire shop. Yeah, I've done enough of that. And you really, you're humiliating,

it's humiliating when you can't get, or, but you know what I didn't, I never realized, maybe times I'd be on dates and I was with the girl and I really liked her and I couldn't get hard, but I was like, I don't want sex. Like I just liked this girl, but I didn't think you were allowed to like somebody. It was like, I'm a sex like I just like this girl Yeah, I didn't think you were allowed to like somebody who is like I'm a guy. I gotta want to fuck

Embarrassed myself by not being able to get hard right right right. Oh damn. Yeah. No. Hey listen that I'm no We're no secret. We're no stranger to that here at Stavies. Oh good. That's a that's a well-known phenomenon here I feel like my dick does one time a girl, I actually really, to me it actually happens when I like the woman. Like the first time we hook up, I cannot get hard and I'm all up in my head, whatever. And this is how good of a person she was. She thought my dick was hard when it wasn't.

And by the way, my dick is small. So it's like, my dick not hard is truly horrific stuff. And she, the second time we hooked up, or maybe it was even the third, because I actually really liked it, we ended up dating for a little bit. The third, when my dick actually got hard, she was like, oh my God, I thought that was,

I thought you had a micro penis. And I was like, and you came back? What a good guy. What a good person. I'm a piece of shit. I let her slip through my fingers. I hope she's doing well these days. But yeah, dude.

It's humiliating, but you don't know. Why is this happening? I'm so weird. I want a prostitute to tell me she loves me. And a girl I love, I want her to go, I need a bigger coffee. You fucking piece of shit. It's bizarre. That's fucking awesome.

Were you like trying to settle down for a little bit? Like had it been a while since you were like, I'm done with this. So you gave it, oh really? So like the last, what were we talking like the last, I mean last decade, 10 years? Yeah, maybe more. I think I've always been looking for that.

Like I fell in love a lot. There's a lot of girls I would see regularly, even for money, and I would catch such feelings and like I really just like them and I just, I was just, that's where I would see regular even for money and I would catch such feelings and like I really just like them and I Why I just I was just that's where I would look because I kind of I felt comfortable Sure, um I get that for a decade. I would say at least I was looking for somebody or somebody who I thought I Think that's totally fine. I mean like I'll go to a coffee shop where the lady who makes my latte is cute Yeah, and I'm like wow, I think I have a little crush on her.

Now imagine I paid her to suck me off 10 times. And I'd be like, you know what? This girl's really cool. You know, that makes, I can't believe it doesn't happen more that people don't catch actual, I guess it does. And I guess that's why it's such a dangerous, because you have sex workers, it's like, it's a pretty high murder rate and it's probably because guys who aren it's like, it's pretty high murder rate

and it's probably because guys who aren't, you know, just like, because if a guy catches feelings, then he's like, well, but I want, I can't have you. I guess that is, I guess it does happen. I think even strip clubs, I think strip clubs, like that's how they stay in business, is by guys who, I remember one time I was in a strip club and I never was a big fan of them

because I just know, like I can't come here I'm not gonna say No one's got a cock Well, no I went into one of those ones in New Orleans I expected better customer service on Bourbon Street at 2 a.m. And I walk in I guess they were ready to close I was just curious wanted to look around And I think I was doing a college with Pete Corielli and Louis Ramey This is probably 22 years ago. Yeah. Yeah, and I walk in and it was late and she goes. Hey, baby

I'm like, oh, she grabbed me by the arm and I'm like, I'm just gonna look for a minute She went all right and she walked me turn me around walk me right back out the door Through me the fuck I get thrown out So I've only gone through a couple of those. I left my wallet in one. I talked about it on Fallon Let's have Jim back. Yeah, maybe he got fisted once Maybe got fisted in Shreveport and he can tell he could talk to us about it Oh, I left my wallet in the fucking night in one of these trans clubs. Yeah But they were

honest I got it back. I went back and got my wallet back. Shout out to those gals. All worked out well. Yeah. Yeah. So you know it's but I don't miss it like I like being once in a while you miss the idea of it but like hey I'm again I'm fucking old man like I like where I'm at in life it's nice. Yeah. I'm happy I'm friends with most of my exes. That's cute. Yeah. I get along with them. It's bizarre Yeah, except for one who I think is just embarrassed that I'm a wreck. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I know about that too my friends There's a couple that are just like, ah, come on. Yeah, why is he doing well? I want I don't want people to know I want because it's a funny

It is a whole it like if you dated somebody who like a nap even like you know We're doing fine, but it's like not like we're famous But if you dated like a soup if you like a minorly famous actor and you're watching a movie you're like, you know in college I suck that guy's cock. Yeah, you know, that's fun But if you just see you or me pop up on screen Yep, I fucked that guy people like Jesus Christ and they're like, yep, I fucked that guy. People were like, Jesus Christ, really? What the? He's ugly.

The guy doing the bit about his dick doesn't work. That's the guy. That's believable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's not working because it's not even that, like much of an exaggeration. We're all just sad for him. No one is proud to admit.

And plus there's so many embarrassing things I've done. Like my wife's mother, my mother-in-law. It's so weird to say that Yeah, when I first met her she was like she doesn't think I'm funny at all because she was googling she found chip And she's like what is he doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, like the mother didn't get it just specific context Country Yeah, I'm ashamed of my whole professional life. Other country, and then basically your age, I'm guessing.

The mother? She will be soon. Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's gotta be fucking hilarious. To be like, yep, this is my American Prince Charming. This is it. I love her dad, we just talking about old kiss.

It's the fucking best. She hates my fucking music, but her dad's like, destroy her. What a great album. Wow. That's the life hack. I like it too because you cancel out the problematic, like, you know, the age gap discourse is cancelled out by like, but she's trans. And people are like, ah, is he good or bad?

Oh, you know, like, this golden culture, they're like, he's older. It's like, but she's trans. And people are like, ah, is he good or bad? Oh, you know, this Scolian culture, they're like, he's older. It's like, fuck you. Like, we get along better than I've ever gotten along with anybody. It just works. Like, you don't plan it, it just fucking, I wouldn't have married somebody

unless I was compatible. Totally, totally. But I really like it. I like being mad. I can't fucking believe I'm doing that. And you guys have a YouTube channel? Yeah, we started, and it's like, it it's not a new we started talking about podcasting and stuff Like I have footage of us from back in 2019 in Canada in the pandemic. Sorry, uh, you know 2020 in

Canada in the pandemic. We were just trying stuff and I like shooting shit with Canada horrible to get like so hard to get into during the pandemic. Impossible. You're like, I gotta go shoot content. Yeah. Like I gotta go to Niagara Falls with my wife. Dude, I got, no, she couldn't get into the stage. She was like, she was on like a fiance way.

It was like a long way. 90 day fiance. It was exactly like that. Yeah. I used to watch that show and cry. I really should be executing. You found the right one. Fuck an asshole.

And I would fuckin' my Travis, our producer, on Jim and Sam called me. Cause they were like, remember the pandemic when it first happened? Seriously, like you guys can't come in. Like you guys gotta stay home. So we were like broadcasting from our houses. Travis called me on the Wednesday,

he goes, hey man, they're gonna close. I was driving up every weekend to see Nicky. And he goes, they're gonna close the Canadian border. So every weekend to see Nikki And he goes they're gonna close the Canadian border So I was in the car in an hour and I drove up to Canada and they let me in it was like a day before the border closed Holy shit March of 2020 and I fucking came back July 1st 2021 Wow, holy shit you were in Canada the whole time 15 months Wow, I didn't say and people like why didn't you tell people you were in the fucking Canada? I lied about it because I knew that if she didn't get in the country, I didn't know what was gonna happen

I didn't want to be talking about it every day like every time I was angry at immigration Who so I didn't want to be on the air going fuck those guys? I'm like just shut it off. Yeah, and then talk about it someday totally totally That was one crazy and was also very difficult for immigration Like during the Trump administration one thing that did happen was they did make it harder for immigrants to get in but if you're a woman with a dick, oh he made it She was like so it was just a pandemic the trip to up honestly. Yeah, you never know Easy, you never know what agent plus you have like yeah, it's it is like yeah

Yeah, she had like a little pot thing I was a ticket that was very minor, but that just slowed us up It was she had you had to get a waiver for it Yeah, but she was knowledgeable and she got it But it's just the US government and it's fucking yeah, and shit rolls downhill. No, I had a friend Yeah, I mean, yeah, that's you gotta be the number this you know, you know, I guess she's from a, she's from like a Europe. Norway. Norway.

That, that all, it doesn't quite cancel out trends, but it's like for the Trump administration, ah, Aryan. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like, you know, they're super white people, you know, like, but I, I, because I had friends who were dealing with like,

lit, it was literally like South America, forget it, Australia, we'll see what we can do. Yeah. I mean, it was like,. I mean, it was like a little, they were playing a little ball, so that's it. Yeah, but I gotta imagine trans woman, not the highest on there. No, not at all. Not at all.

Like, where are we getting in the country? No, it was a fucking, it was a, again, just a long haul. For everybody, it just sucked. It's a government, they're fucking slob. Everything's done through the mail. Like it's such a nightmare. Fucking the worst. That's fucking awesome, mail.

That is the funniest thing. I have to get my trans wife over here. Science, she's more scientific than the way you get, than the way you do business. She's, her existence, like mail predates her existence. Like they're still doing business in a way. They're being fucking insane. That's so fucking bad.

Yeah, but it didn't, I don't think, we didn't harp on it like it was just, of course it's in there, but like, I don't think it fucked us up. Like it was just slower and we had to go for the, and you have to just go to the embassy. It's a fucking night. So I empathize with people coming over.

Like I had very mixed feelings. It's like, hey, it took us five years. So fuck empathize with people coming over like I have very mixed feelings it's like hey it took us five years so fuck you coming here illegally and it was like I get it too. Yeah totally. Like it's a fucking nightmare. If it was easier yeah I had a friend who was the same thing where I was like just tell her to come over and get married when she's here you know what I mean it's like but then you never know you want to do things by the book. And they fuck you up like that. I think they were trying this thing.

I think Joe Bolton's name was. And where he- It's actually Joe Biden, no. Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm thinking of Joe Bolton coming. I forget what he did, but he made it harder. So if you came over and just got married,

they would say that you lied about why you were here. There's a whole, plus you couldn't get any even to visit. It was just a whole thing. Yeah, no, that's fucking, yeah, that's horrible. But I never lived with a woman either, never. And all of a sudden, no. Even like when you were in like long-term relationships. Not even for a fucking minute.

Wow. And now I'm in a pandemic in a one bedroom in another country. It was fucking crazy. That's crazy. It was insane how that happened. That is a real make or break moment, though, right? Yeah. A lot of relationships either completely cratered or they fucking or they once they survive, you're like,

all right, we're good. Dude, this is going to be easy because I couldn't just threaten to leave. Yeah, I couldn't just I'm like, I'm going to go for a ride. Count. Yeah. Go for a ride and come back. Like, I never threatened to walk out. Right. I'm going to leave the country.

Yeah, yeah, you'll get you'll get you'll be in jail. The Mounties will the country. Yeah, you'll be in jail. The Mounties will get you. Yeah, I wouldn't have got back in. But it was fun. It was an interesting thing to be stuck in the house with somebody at eight o'clock. Because they were worse up there than we were here. They were fucking panicky.

Yeah. No, I remember I did a gig in Toronto the week before my brother's wedding. And so, and I was just on tour. I didn't really think, I wasn't thinking much of it. I was like, let's just, you know, whatever. And I had a blast in Toronto. It was great.

You know, I got there a little early. I was like, I'm gonna have fun. There's nice international city. I was getting my dick sucked quite a bit. It was great, you know? I'm going out and I'm getting fucked up. And this is the part of the tour where I was still excited. It was like, you know, fresh from the pan.

It's like when we're first starting a tour after the pandemic. So it was like, I guess it was 21. It was like spring of 21. And I'm starting to feel like, it's the day I'm supposed to fly. And I started to feel like a little sick, right? And I'm like, oh like, it's the day I'm supposed to fly, and I start to feel like a little sick, right? And I'm like, oh fuck, this sucks,

like what if I have it, whatever. And I'm like, I don't have it, I'm just fucking hungover, I'm fat as shit, I have a dick pill headache, all this, that's what's going on, you know? Like I'm fine, I take a test, it comes back inconclusive. So now I'm like, fuck, what if I have it? And then I check Toronto's thing, they make you do a test it comes back inconclusive So now I'm like fuck what if I have it and then I check Toronto's like thing They make you do a test at the airport

And if you don't if you get test positive you're you have to quarantine for ten days in a hotel room in Canada You cannot go they won't take a soda happen a soda actually he tested positive on his way back from a gig had to be there for ten Days I would have missed my brother's wedding. I'm the best man all this shit. So I litter but if you drove they don't you don't have to take a test. It's a plane. Yeah. So because of Canada so I and I'm also fucking completely fucked up off Edibles that's another thing. I took a what I thought was a 10 milligram was 100 milligram. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought I would say Alice. Yeah. Yeah. And so I'm with a girl who is like,

she's in an open relationship. That was always, I found that a nice loophole. Yeah. Because it's like you get to be friends with someone, you have like, you know, a relationship, whatever. But you know, at the end of the day, no pressure and you get to fuck, it's cool. And I'm just like, I'm like, hey, can you can you and she's like she doesn't have a license whatever

So she could I literally convinced this woman this woman. She's an angel calls a friend guy I don't know at all and she's like hey can you drive this guy that I hook up with? across the American border who might have Because his brother is getting married. Turns out I had strep throat. That's what it was. And then it starts fucking snowing. And then by the way, the edible, it was the night before. And then I don't know if this happens to anybody else. I eat once I eat something, it comes back like I get like flash. I don't know what it is. I get read whatever. So she's setting this whole thing up. And then I start getting

high and I start getting paranoid. And I'm like, what if they ask me how I know this guy? Like, can you please come? So now I make this woman, because I'm scared, come to Buffalo with me and this guy. She calls her fiance and is like, hey, that guy I fuck, I'm not leaving the country. I just, he's scared and high and he begged me to thank him, to ferry him across the border.

So we just, we get to the fucking immigration crossing and he's like, the guy's like, what do you have in the suitcase? I was like, just regular stuff. He's like, what do you mean? I was like, close and stuff like that. And then he's like, how do you know these people? I was like, well, um, she goes to school with him and we met online.

And then she's like, we're friends. Like I was about to blow it. I'm a high as shit. And then the guy fucking just lets me through. I go to the Buffalo ticket counter. I go to JetBlue and I buy a ticket. Like it's the forties. I'm like one ticket to New York, please.

Yeah, literally like $300 in cash because I had to get rid of some cash. It was fucking crazy. I just gave this guy however much Canadian, but they were fucking real strict about it. And that was one of the most nerve-wracking experiences, just minorly like skirting Canadian COVID laws. I can't imagine sort of semi illegally being trapped there. Like they would not I was applying. I was updating everything and doing all the payport. But if there was like one point like where if you were doing certain things outdoors was like a $6,000 fine. Jesus, if you were gathered a couple of people in Montreal was really fucking

strict. I mean, it was fucking miserable yeah it was miserable I didn't jerk off once in 15 months wow it's insane I went fucking crazy I think I jerked off through the checkpoint second I was back in the US I saw all glory they're like no old American come it might count in my carry COVID, that's fucking wild. Yeah, it was nice to be there, but I was just kind of fucking finna, and I didn't do stand-up for over a year.

Like it was like, it was fucking crazy. I don't know how guys did it online. I couldn't do it online. Couldn't do it. I didn't do a single one. I did this, I honestly feel a little better about it because I'm just like, because up until that, I had this real maniacal,

like if I take two days off, I sucked it could stand up. So it kind of was free, that was the one silver lining where it's like, now I'm like, oh actually I think it made me in some ways better, because it got a little, you know, you get away from your material, you don't live it every fucking day, you get a little context, so I like it.

I'm gonna take a little just break, because I don't feel like doing stand up, but it was weird, There was definitely that moment where you're like, damn, do I ever be good at this again? Yeah, but the problem is I took the break too. Like just say, I'll get some like a little life experience, but then the second I come back, no one wants to hear about that life experience.

So like if the pandemic's over, fuck, we're done. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God, there was nothing worse. And the thing is, audiences were so hungry when you got back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's practicing. Oh my God. There was nothing worse. And the thing is, audiences were so hungry when you got back that you thought those were good jokes because you were crushing. And then the second that sheen of the like, oh, we were trapped inside, as the second those audiences got back to normal, jokes, like there's nothing worse than a guy doing

still to this day his pandemic observations. And you know it's out there. You see those guys are trying to update it. They're like, yeah, do you see they're trying to make us get vaccinated again? And they're like, when the first time, I actually got Johnson and Johnson. Boy, that one was pretty shitty, huh?

They're bringing it back. Shelter in place. That is the worst about topical shit. It's like when it starts to come back around, how somebody's like, ah, here's a great chance to make it fresh again. And it's not. Well, Michael Jackson died 10 years ago today. Remember when he dangled that baby out of the window?

That's the nicest thing you did to a kid. Yeah. I fucking love it, dude. that's awesome man. Well congrats to you for living the domesticated life these days. It is the domesticated life. I live the life of a gentleman. Yeah no strange. And I really love it. It's fucking great. Like I can't believe I never thought I would like it. I was like never, I'm never getting fucking married. But you know. Yeah, that's nice.

I mean, cause I gotta imagine sex, like food addiction on the road is pretty, I mean, all of them are bad, but sex also, it's like that could probably put you in some fucking strange situations in fucked up towns. And a lot of it's just time wasted. Like it's just sex and food are kind of similar where it's like a dopamine.

Like you can't not do it. have to like have you have to be a little sexual in life yeah yeah true so a lot of times I wouldn't even see anybody I would just edge online and hours you know that's fucking like it's like I'm on a coke band I'm done I'm just then I'm hungry like as soon as I come I order food like it's it's awful man I when I so I open for you so far, you know, this is like, Magooby's like probably a decade ago, right? I was hosting, I wasn't even featuring.

And you brought, you were, Kenny, club soda Kenny was with you. Did you do that as like a, save me from myself? Like have a chaperone type thing? Or was it literally security? Have a friend, road manager? He was a road manager and I don't need security because of, oh, the fans are beating the door down.

But you get enough threats after a while. I mean, I know about the, because like just opening for you that, because I was a huge, you know, the radio, I mean, big open Anthony fan, like I knew all you guys, it was awesome. But I had never experienced, and I was so pumped. I was like, this is gonna be cool. I was a fan of your huge fan of yours and

then I was like oh I wonder what those crowds will be like it'll be cool and it was a lot of them were great and then the peep and then you would see like eight guys who are wearing the virus shirt yeah who have you know just like did not smile once during my set the feature set or your set and then dead-eyed afterwards just like came up to your like your genius Jim will you send like asking you to sign shit and it was like I can imagine that fan base because it does feel like as part of it kind of mutated into the come-town fan base yeah I do feel like we got a little bit of that most of these people are awesome and

then like 1% are you know freaks that should be taken to a sanitarium. Michael Myers level autism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I enjoyed you. Yeah and see back when you when you had those guys, luckily when I when they were in my fan base, they had found anime. Oh yeah, yeah. So a lot of those guys were jacking off to that. But all they had was Hopi and Anthony in your days. There was no straight from, no Japanese subtitle shit to get from. No, it was ONA and fucking.

Maybe trains. Trains in ONA, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was a Lionel train or fucking or the virus tour. It was so crazy. Like those fans are so, but when they hate you, they hate you. Right, right, right. Some of them are still there and some of term.

I don't care. It's like it was a lot of fun, man. It was a lot of fucking laughs for 10 years. I mean, truly did come all of podcasting. That's the seed in a lot of ways. Like the just that vibe of everybody hanging out, doesn't, like that was the first place you really got it. I mean, at least on the East Coast,

I know maybe people on the West Coast will say there was other versions of it, but it's like, you know, but that was it, because it was like, you know, everybody, and nobody was doing as good as they should have. I feel like comedians, you guys really had the fucking club, like right now it's like hilarious, the tickets were selling and I don't understand

What's happening? I'm not I'm not experiencing that But I just really like everybody on that show was so fucking funny and like and then earned like like you finally had a Platform to like show how funny you were, where it's like everyone was kind of hungry and you guys were all friends for so long. It was just so rich for hilarious shit to come out of it because there was real friendship there, and plus it was the funniest guys who were like,

and I feel like from being funny on that show, it was like, take it, start moving, all that kind of stuff. But it was just great, and it's still, some YouTube compilation, just so far those up, all that kind of stuff. But it was just great. And you know, it's still some YouTube compilation, just so far those up, those are still fucking hilarious. I listened to, plus it was, I don't think we had five hours a day at one point. Like four hours a day, and then it was six to 11

at one point, and it was, I mean, and you had so many funny people coming through it, that hang for hours. It was, so you know, you had a long, oh, there's a lot of meandering too, and a lot of shows, soft in a lot of bad days, but there was so much fucking, there was so a lack of pressure

because it was just a long conversation. And Howard had comics on, but he was more the interviewer. It was just a different vibe. A different vibe than Opie and Anthony. A great interviewer, I mean, one of the best. I mean, you'll listen to like, like I was a big fresh air guy to this, like I just love an interview with like, it in depth and you'll feel you'll hear like NPR

Like uptight interviewers be like still listen to Howard Stern. He's great at interviewing. Yeah, but yeah, it was a completely different thing No, that's fucking awesome, dude, and it was fun. I mean there was I laughed harder I still listen like the Anthony makes Jim laughs. I can't listen to the old shit It makes me sad because I remember it. Yeah, like I can't listen to patrice's shit. I get that but I listen to those Fucking Anthony makes Jim Norton laughs Every time it makes me laugh Anthony being funny. No, I know I'll sometimes I'll on YouTube It'll be like a come-down clip will come up, and Nick will be saying something, you know,

doing some bit, and I laugh, and my laugh matches up with the laugh that I'm listening, and I'll just be like, yeah, I'll forget, I completely forgot, because I don't know about you, it's like, you forget. Every bit of it. Yeah, I've forgotten, we talked for so, you know, I mean, we only did a fucking two hours a week,

and it felt like, I don't know how the fuck you motherfuckers did four hours a day, but even that, it's like, you know, I mean, we only did a fucking two hours a week and it felt like, I don't know how the fuck you motherfuckers did, you know, four hours a day, but even that, it's like, I forgot. So it is funny how you're like, oh yeah, I find this exactly as funny as I did five years ago. And it's not the pressure of hating myself. Right, right, right. Like, people are like, do you remember when you said that?

No. Yeah, not at all. I really truly don't. I don't remember that day. I don't remember that day I just I will listen to stuff of Anthony being really funny or patrice is on with me there's like there's been times where like there will be a bit where Anthony's doing something Patrice was there so I just shut it off of course I can't go down it just like

I get that you don't want to look up your your tragically past early friend you find it depressing and it overrides, but there's always laughs there. Even when I go back and listen, I'm like, yeah, this was a funny fucking show. Yeah. And I feel like, you know, like I'm glad I was a part of that. Like I'm lucky to have been with those guys, let comedians shine. And we brought a lot of fucking comics in and they were funny. I mean, it's cool to be a part of something so like, yeah. So influential.

It's like, you know, come down wasn't anything like, we didn't have, we didn't influence a fucking, you know, all of podcasts or whatever. But it's like, that's how I feel about the show. You guys change it with Patreon though. You guys with Patreon, you were the bar. Everyone said, come down.

Those guys with Patreon. Shout out to fucking, to Chappo-Trapos, our friends who did a political podcast. Also a comedy. They're very funny guys, but if it wasn't for those guys, we were, Nick was roommates with them, they were doing Patreon and we were like, all right, I was like, yeah, whatever,

I mean, I thought it was gonna fail from the jump. You know what I mean? I never thought, I was like, I thought, remember when it felt like podcasts were over after like, it was like, well, Marin did it, but nobody else. And then it turns out, boy, was everybody fuck, well, I guess I was wrong, but yeah. But it's still, you know, I'll be like, yeah, we, but nobody else. And then it turns out, boy was everybody fucked. Well, I guess I was wrong, but yeah. But still, you know, I'll be like, yeah,

we made some fucking hilarious. It's fun to be like, that was, we had some bangers on there. We had some real good ones. So no, but you don't think, so why not adopt a fat black child, maybe? You know, name it Patrice Jr. You know what I mean?

Because it wouldn't be funny and I would hate it. Or it would be like him and I'd hate it more. Do a little seance, get his spirit back in a fat, a fat girl's body. Patricia. I love it. Well, listen, clearly Jim is an expert on all on on what are I hope you have some I hope you've prepared Some questions that Jim can weigh in on some sex addicts and whatever we take some calls from our audience some No, this is just Yeah, we do live calls later, but it's too okay But you can't over, you can't over run an Albany

with too much to do at once. And we had to get these people live for good. Nothing would ever happen. To call order. To call order. Go ahead, Elvis, play us our first call. Oh, and we, before, let's plug it, got the tour coming up.

Yeah, yeah, before we get to that, give us a tour, give us people where they can find it. My tour picture stinks. I look terrible. It's terrible. I need a new photo I'm losing weight. I Look disgusting. We didn't even get into your body dysmorphia actually. I would have loved that Body dysmorphia it's 2020 vision Trust me I look like shit

But I look the tour is cold now, you know it, I get a bunch of dates in California, Texas, everywhere. Love it. And Nikki and Jim NYC on YouTube, I hope people like, look, when I do it, my wife is not cute. Like, it really is how we are. It's not like, we're not trying to fucking pass a message. We only want to do is just basically indoctrinate children.

That's all you want to do. Put it off! Yeah! Yeah, Jim actually will be touring middle schools across America and Monit and seeing the boys with fine fine bone structure, and he'll be he'll be chopping them off Well hello little Markey you need bosoms No, there's zero message you I think people like people who like it really like it

So I hope they think it's funny and entertaining. But we know. Well, it's gotta be interesting. We'll get to the close too, but it's like, I do feel like the trend, it just, it almost is bordering on hack now, how many people feel the need to have a take on trend stuff in comedy, where it's like,

this is so interesting, because it's like, you're just living your life as a regular couple, and it is actual like like the honesty of it. It's just refreshing because I don't know what the fuck is going on where it's just like, not every open micr needs to fucking have an opinion on trans issues. Not every open micr needs to have an opinion

on most issues anyway, but there is something that I don't understand why everybody thinks they need to fucking weigh in. It's weird. I think, because first of all, it's just there and everyone is so talking about it, but it's also the thing that people think there's the high-wire risk of if I say it wrong I'm dead and if I say it right I'm a hero whatever that right or wrong is like it's different in every

different place yes that's very yeah but they think that they're gonna say something that's and I just and people have gotten mad at me for shit I've said it's like yeah yeah yeah it's at least you have act like at least you have you know you know you first of all you've gone into credit card debt all over the trade I've sacrificed my tonsils for this joke but you have real life experience it's just interesting where's like everybody else is like oh let's let's do some watered-down version of a joke that already wasn't funny that they're stealing or whatever.

But anyway. Yeah, man, I don't want to fucking preach to people. It's not about that at all. That's why I think it's so interesting, is because that is the opposite of who you are as a comic. You really are just like, you know, like just say whatever. You do, you clearly are free speech absolutist for sure,

but that's not like, you're not a message guy. You're just like, you should just be able to say whatever the fuck you want. And so that's why I think it's extra interesting. No one's accusing you of doing it for clout or anything like that. This is just really your life. No, I hate to break the people,

but when you're 55, the key to success in show biz is not, hey, my wife has a dick. Oh my God, sign this kid. Yeah. But people say that to me, too. People who don't know what they're talking about are like, dude, your career, I'm like, you have no fucking idea. How this is not going to help anything.

Jim's in a Marvel movie next week. Yeah. Actually, your character from Spider-Man, we're doing a whole reboot around him. The guy on the train. Let's bring him back. He gets powers. I just made a sale. I just made a sale. Thanks to Shopify. I love Shopify. A

beautiful platform to sell your stuff on. When I started podcasting, doing stand-up, I had no idea we would have. We got a thriving beautiful merch store. We got seasonal items on there. We're doing sales. We got a whole thing going. I used to just sell t-shirts out of my 1994 Honda Civic, which I called Freito, because like Freito from the Godfather series, it was unreliable and it tried to betray me. It would break down constantly. That's what I used to sell all my merch out of.

Thank God that I started using Shopify probably about five years ago, five, six, seven years ago. It was beautiful to work with them at the early stages when I wasn't moving that much merch. We weren't moving that many calendars to this year where we sold a nice amount of calendars. Thank you and thank you to Shopify for making that process so easy. I used to literally Hand write labels and shit like that. That's what that's where we were when shop when we started working with Shopify now We got a whole operation. We got our friend and he actually

He employs his children, but he pays them a fair wage Whatever we're still growing and that's the beauty of Shopify. You know, we're gonna get, we're gonna, they've seen us from the very beginning. Slowly, we've been building it up. And hopefully, Stavi Baby Shop is gonna be, StaviBaby.com slash merch is gonna be a global, what is it? Stavi.biz.

Shop.stavi.biz. Shop.stavi.biz. We've never had StaviBaby.com.stopbiz. Shop.stopbiz. We've never had stopbibaby.com. God, I'm dumb. So anyway, look, I love Shopify. They've been there for, this is how dumb I am. And thanks to Shopify's help, I have actually been able to grow a very,

a nice merch business that helps us out a lot. You know, you don't buy shirts, Elvis doesn't get paid. I don't know if you know that. It's tied directly to the sales we make. He makes about 0.2 cents per piece of merchandise. Getting him up to about $14,000 a year right now. Shopify's incredible.

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stavvy there it is the sale just right on time folks and sorry jim uh... home all right i'll just there we go buddy boy is the first question and i don't think that the second decade uh... squinted they are the biggest uh... then the field and that's one of the

thanks for you guys and i'm really been helpful to me i'm well and gas because of your own uh... and the And each time he goes by through birth and breastfeeding she goes like a bee to an apple Doesn't abnormal large Transition of breast growth they just blow up to some math side and they're like fucking perfect And I'm fortunate and blessed to have this in them the kind of my you know not trying to sit here and be like oh Fucking floating. I'm gonna go this is fucking incredible. I'm happy to have it But also so at the end when you know, they go back to normal size It's a fucking floating. I am going to go. This is fucking incredible. And I'm happy to have it. Um, But also so at the end when you know, they go back to normal size and she stopped feeding I've seen our kids through the breath

About one and a half now About to stop and she's talking about stopping. So a thing I wanted to ask you guys Is I know this is basically done. I know that I have you guys is I know this is basically done. I know that I have embraced the large breasted part of my wife for the last time, probably pretty soon. And also, Matthew, you guys, I like to vent her to get like a breast and like not like huge what they are now, but like just a little, you know, push up. It's been awesome. And I'm very happy. I'm not trying to do anything stupid, but also I don't want to let a good thing end. And also I could have another kid, but fuck that.

I don't want another kid. So anything you'd offer would be appreciated. That's so awesome. Thank you so much. How do I trick my wife into getting bigger tits? Because while she's feeding, literally feeding our children with her body, her tits make my dick harder. By the way, that guy talked with the cadence of somebody calling 911 for killing his family.

She's laying in the kitchen, I'm hitting a bat and then I shot my children. He really has a bated breath. He's catching his breath from stabbing a child. Damn buddy, I don't know how old, there's something romantic. I've always said I just wanna find the right girl to buying you Perotitti's for. That's kinda what I'm looking for in life.

I looked out. Yeah, yeah. No, yeah, that's Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Now, yeah, that's so, yeah, you absolutely, you got, do you ever, what if she came in one day and she was like, I think I'm gonna chop my dick off. What would you do then, Jim? Go to the airport and say, God bless.

It's been nice, it's been real, it's been nice, but it hasn't been realized. Fuck that. I know, I heard, I was listening to the podcast you guys did with Whitney and she and you were like, you know, whatever she wants to do with her body, you know, and then, and then, you know, I'm just thinking about you just sweating the day she says she wants to chop her dick off. And you're like, fuck, she called my bluff. I'll tell you one thing about her, she doesn't.

Ha ha ha ha. You really have him at your match. Oh my god, yeah. You really have him at your dream girl. I really have. I lucked out. I'm happy. So yeah, you know, look, buddy, I think you just gotta,

you just gotta ride this out. I mean, if you really wanna do it slowly over time, kinda gas lighter, make her feel bad. It'd be like, wow, you know, your friends were saying some really mean stuff about your tits the other day. You're like, or not even her friends, but like, you know what, I just had to go give that lady a talking to over a plan of fitness.

When we were walking out she's talk about how disgusting your tits were and I just can't have someone talking about my wife that way yeah I don't call my wife a pancake now funny if this is ever too much for you and you don't want to deal with this you're the rest of your life you say the word and I'll tighten my belt and if Ford breast implants somehow I'll pick up a couple extra shifts at the plant whatever it takes to make you feel better about yourself but don't slip up don't say it like if you ever don't want to look like a pile of shit that's a tough how do you tell your wife you underage it's bigger? Oh, tough.

Yeah, very tough. Oh, man. I think all you can do is hope that the messaging in American culture gets to her. How everybody talks about how women's bodies are bad and all that stuff. Hope that she's not in touch with herself and sees through that stuff and is happy with who she is. Hope that, you know, she walks past one too many Maybelline billboards, one too many Victoria's Secret billboards,

and that, you know, she wants to, because that's happened before. I know people who have been in relationships who's like wives want to do it themselves, but you can't do it unless you do our patented little breadcrumb method. You really have no, you really have no, you're just a, and don't be too happy when she floats the idea either. She's like, I'm thinking about getting breast, yes! You know what I'm saying?

You gotta let it, you gotta be like, oh I don't, I just love you for how you are, you know? Don't act like Ralph Cramden when he hears the will. I'm rich! Yeah! Yeah! Exactly. You gotta slow play it, even when she does admit

that she wants big titties, big titties. Are you sure if it's what you want? I mean, that's okay. Yeah, I mean, try and hide your smile. Maybe wear a COVID mask when she tells you. So that she doesn't see you fucking smiling ear to ear. Yeah, keep a book on your lap. Yeah. So she doesn't see your fucking smiling ear to ear. Yeah, keep a book on your lap. She doesn't see your dick just jump the prospect of her awful tits finally being humanized.

Fucking utters. Oh man, that is gotta be, it's also gotta be fun. What you could also do is pretend you don't know why and just be really nice to her while her tits are big. That's another thing, like get her flowers, take her out, you know, hire a babysitter to watch the infant and really like, and then once they go, you know,

change your behavior again and let her do the math. Let her figure it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, when I'm breastfeeding, he brings me breakfast in bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when it's done,, he brings me breakfast in bed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when it's done, he's out till four in the morning, and he makes oinking noises when I walk in the room.

Now also, isn't there some way, because isn't birth control like tricking your body into thinking you're pregnant? Maybe we got to get her on a specific birth control to get her titties big. I don't know, pal. You know, there's not, you're just in a tough predicament and just hope she wants big titties someday. Yeah well look at pictures of fucking Jerry Lewis's head when he was on Prang this on whatever it was. If your tits look like that.

Yeah put her on some weird steroids for that whatever disease he had. Yeah forget what it was but he was on a steroid His head get all fucked up. He was huge frog like yeah, it was crazy All right. Good luck to our friend there. Yeah, what else we got? When you like to follow up from that guy, I would we would like to please call in let us know if it happened How little your wife's tits are now? Have any pictures of them real big? Take them. Um, I would also, okay, one more, this is so far, this is the, this is the question we've

attacked from the most angles. You're teeming with ideas. Yeah. Yeah. People are like, I'm thinking about killing myself. I'm like, hey buddy, go to therapy. Next question. Uh, this guy's, I'm like, ah, you know, how guy's I'm like, how does she react?

But how does she, you know, you must comment on her tits. Like, a woman knows that her body is different. She is much more aware of you, of how much, how bigger tits are than even you are. She knows her body, so it's like, how does she react? Does she like having big ass tits? Does she talk about it? You know what what I mean you might have an opening there like well if you like them if you like them so much I guess we could get them bigger

anyway I'm done I can't I can't be seen giving this much thought to this question anymore you don't want to be don't want to give away your fucking your true intentions yeah hi the motive yeah absolutely and does you like the breast feeding point that's a fetish for guys. The mothering, nurturing thing. Like, is it just a big tits or is it more of what it means? Maybe you get a little milk in there. People say it's sweet.

I haven't tried it. We get it, Jim. You're sort of gay. No, I'm not complaining about the viscosity. Color and viscosity, you're fine. It doesn't even hurt your eye when it gets in there. It's not gonna get me pink. It's not a real substance.

No, I've heard, Brestman, we've had guys drinking on the show years ago and they said it leaves almost a body odor after taste. Somebody said something like, it it just it was such a fucking visceral reaction I got from it. Like the aftertaste is supposed to be weird. Yeah, we've covered breastfeeding. We had Louie Katz on here. Is he into it? He has gotten breast. He definitely drank some breast milk and we discussed whether it was weird. To me it almost has to yeah an intimacy that borders on some kind of sexual connection

Yeah, like having a friend's breast milk seems a little weird to me Anyway, we don't have to check out the Louis Katz app now. We're now we're citing former podcasts Check out Katz at all. It's Davies world It's only good to drink a woman's breast milk if you know that you're depriving the child because it's fun It's only good to drink a woman's breast milk if you know that you're depriving the child because it's fun that bond Right if you're getting a psychological boost out of it, that's one thing They'll never connect now. I

Don't even like this. This kid's fucked Yeah, this kid will be buying as many prostitutes as I did Next one next next one, Big Eld. Hey, Sam, I got a question for you. Love the show for time calling. So I'm 33, been married since I was 21, and I'm a wrestling coach. My wife just doesn't put out. I don't know what to do. I've tried everything.

I'm like begging for once a month. It's pathetic. So recently I was in a wrestling class. I'm teaching these kids and afterwards they get a DM from one of their moms and he basically says, hey, anytime, anywhere, just let me know. And I accepted that invite. And- Hell yeah. Pause this. I love when someone calls us like after the crime

has been committed. It's like, what do you want me to do now? It's like calling your buddy and it's like, hey man, my hands, my car is full of blood. Can you come with some Ajax? Yeah. It's like... You guys know Mr. Wolf? Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly dude.

I'm sorry brother, I ain't Harvey Keitel. And if I hand it from the bad lieutenant... Yeah. Yeah, the part where he's trying to fuck the babysitter. Show me how you suck a cock. Oh, came our door, my hero. Spit your gum out, he was so specific. Great movie, great film.

We should do that for our first Stavies World Film Club Stavey's World Film, Film Club episode, Eldest. Anyway, let's, let's finish, let's see what our friend here has to say. There's a fucking tan. Out of, yeah, she's so hot. She does everything, is amazing. I can't even get a fucking blowjob at home. And this woman is willing to do anything. Well, it's been going on for a couple months I feel terrible yeah no shit I love my wife very much I don't

know what to do I know I gotta end it I know I gotta do that I don't want to because that pussy is so good is so good. I'm just saying a lot of different words. I don't know what to do. Give me some advice. I love you. I'm looking forward to seeing you at one of your shows coming up in Phoenix whenever you're coming through.

Yeah. Okay, new year. Okay, New Year. Not shocked, this is the Phoenix area, by the way. There's a MILF just lurking at wrestling practice. Well, it's also because this fucking, he's in Phoenix, and he's coaching all day, and his balls are probably sweaty, and his wife's like, I don't want to go near these things. By the way, here's the thing, here's what I love about this call.

He's tried everything. I wonder if that, I wonder if trying everything is also being nice to your wife, doing a couple of chores. Like what do you mean you've tried everything? Like you got her a present. Like truly have you tried everything? Have you talked to her? Do you know why she doesn't want to put out?

Like I got a hunch you haven't tried everything now. I got a hunch with how quickly you fucked some random whore in your DMs You weren't as thorough trying to rekindle the romance with your wife by what would try everything You mean you rubbed her back for ten minutes while you were watching Jeopardy. You're like no Fine then go did fucking tackling drills by yourself in your garage Oh team this guy Yeah, I mean look from what I'm hearing here you might and listen 30s Do you have kids is my biggest question sure and if you don't have kids pal?

It sounds like again just going off of what we know a completely sexless begging for it relationship in your early 30s, sounds like there's some red flags in the relationship. You're probably not really connecting as much. Maybe she's overworked. Like, look, I don't know the median income of a fucking high school wrestling coach.

I'm guessing it ain't that fucking. She pulling double shifts to pay rent. Like what did you mean try everything? Did you go to grad school? Did you get your fucking, you're hanging drywall when you're not wrestling? Like, you know, how much, there's just so much to a reason women

don't wanna fuck their husbands. And oftentimes it gets so like shrunken down to, she's being a fucking bitch. When it's like she's probably stressed out, there's probably so many factors. And if there aren't, and you guys are just fundamentally incompatible sexually, then either answer, you probably shouldn't be together.

Right? Or she's on OnlyFans all day fucking two of the kids he teaches wrestling while he's at work. And she's tired. They've got her pussy in a full Nelson. Yeah, there's so many reasons with me. But so many guys, that was my greatest fear about marriage. That all of a sudden the person doesn't want to fuck anymore.

They don't want to, that's what happens. That's every fucking married guy who's over 40, complains, I don't get blown anymore. This doesn't happen, they all complain about that shit. Right, right, right. And to me, almost always, there is some, something that they are, they,

whenever you hear a guy complain about that, or anybody, a person complain about that, it's like, they're oftentimes ignoring the reasons they're doing that feed into this. You know what I mean? Where it's like, yeah, your relationship is probably bad on some level. And you have just been, you don't get to just like,

fuck some lady for, look, it wasn't even like one time and you were overcome with guilt and you stopped. You fucked this bitch for a couple months and you're like, you're actively during this call, you're like, I gotta stop it, but the pussy's so good. Like in the middle of saying you need to stop, you're like, you're not even hard right now. You're like, it's one, this guy is completely flashed

of talking to me and he's talking about how good the pussy is. So. Well he's talking himself into why he's gonna do it again. He's not gonna stop. And he shouldn't stop. Keep talking to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Enjoy. But you do have two paths, my friend. And one is much harder, unfortunately. And maybe it doesn't sound, it sounds like he's setting himself up to feel like he had no choice. Yeah. But to break up or to cheat,

you did have a choice. You do have a choice. But you have to be honest with yourself. What is the real reason you and your wife don't fuck? Is it really her being kind of a bitch or are there problems in your relationship? Either way, you have cheated, right? And, um, yeah, you either gotta come, you either gotta stop and kind of come clean, which is gonna be brutal and you're not gonna do. I can tell you that. You don't feel like you're gonna do it. maybe you have to just fucking I mean be honest and see is this real you know you

love your wife very much you know you didn't love her that much if you're getting your fucking ass eaten for a month couple months again it wasn't even like a once spur of the moment thing it's like once you're locked into even a fling I do think there is levels to cheating you're in kind even a fling. I do think there is levels to cheating. You're in kind of a, and by the way, what's the, it's a kid's mom that you, like that's a fuck, you're an idiot. You're gonna get caught.

That's the other thing, it's like, she might know. This is probably from a couple months ago. This guy's probably getting divorced right now and she's got the house. You're fucked. Like you gotta, you know. Stav, I'm gonna say this is the first time a high school coach has been my hero.

What a great move. She got put out at home. You'll fuck that damaged kid's broken mother. It's awful. You know what, by the way, be careful of the husband. That's what you gotta remember. There's a guy in her life who's either knows she's cheating or suspects or he's fucking lurking.

And if he doesn't shoot you, he'll blow you up at home so just be careful but keep doing it fucking her because if your wife is not gonna give you what you got it out there and just keep fucking teacher lesson yeah he's just holding a clipboard that says keep getting pussy. Check. All right, well good luck. You're kind of fucked here, but all right, what else we got, Eldis? Hey there, Stav.

Hey Eldis, hey guest. So my problem is I'm a 37 year old and for most of my life, my friends and I have been pretty adventurous. We will book trips to go around the world, do backpacking, go kayaking, do these like really big kind of grand things. And the problem that I'm running into now is I'm at an age where I know I'm not going to have two or more years of this. If you're trying to do these, like push yourself harder and harder

sorts of things, you get, I don't know, maybe early 40s to be able to keep doing these sorts of things. And at this point, most of the friends that have grown up doing all this with, they're at an age where they're starting to have kids and just, they're not available to do these things anymore. And so here I am knowing that I only have a few more years to do this but I just don't have the guys that I've done this with forever to do it with anymore and I'm trying to figure out how do I keep moving forward and try to create these really cool

memories that mean something to me. How many times sir have you been in a party talking and you realize you were holding a drink and everyone was left No one wants to do your gay little triathlons They want to fucking see their child grow up What's the cooler memory is the first the first steps of a baby or like oh wow you fucking climbed the mountain with another guy Who lives in his van dude? It's, yeah, I'm sorry to shit on you, but it's like, yeah, that's what you're talking about. You like it, they have moved on. Anyway, let's see, droning on his side, does he get to the point soon, Elders, do you think? Yeah, and trying to create these really cool memories that mean something to me while not

having the core group that I had to do it with forever. Okay, there is a question in here. I know that from my experience that from my understanding there's really two options, either make friends with people who are in their late 20s and keep doing this and God, that feels pathetic at my age, or on the flip side, you start signing up to these adventure groups where you have a guide and they take other similar minded people out to do these things. I've done those in the past and usually when it ends up happening is they shave all the danger out of it so that you have what's going on with these guys life for you they're cooking all your lunches like you're not doing any of the stuff that actually makes the trip

hard and therefore fun and so I know I've got to do something to get really mean something to me i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i The joke I did in the middle of this, this is real opinion. I hope I listened to Scatterbrain There With Way, explain that. Really love the show and thanks for taking the call. I missed it, can we hear that again? Yeah dude, they are right and you are wrong. And I get that too, right? Cause like, I've definitely experienced that where it's, you know, I hired my best friend. Otherwise this motherfucker would be writing listicles for some horrible website right now

and I'd barely see him, right? There is, I definitely felt that way as a comedian where it's like, my life is dumb as shit. Like when I go back to Baltimore, and I, you know, I look at my little, who were in my head are my little brothers, and my brother's talking about having kids and shit like that. I'm like, he's a baby.

He's a 32 year old man. But to me, it's like this is a fucking little kid. So it's like, people grow up, bro. People have kids. If you wanna be, and you're right, it is making new friends or whatever. It's like, it is making new friends or whatever. It is kind of like getting married is the right move

because I talk about all the time, being like a guy in your 40s, 50s, who's just as like a pussyhound, bad guy. You don't want to be that guy. It's a rough guy. It's fucking sad, dude. It sucks. And you are sort of the like,

you're the like hiking equivalent of that guy're the like you know hiking equivalent of that guy you're like adventure tourism equivalent of that guy and so you're either gonna have to make new friends or yeah I love how you're like it's just I'm losing them to something that just doesn't matter it's like raising a family does matter yeah it's objectively more important than what you are doing than fucking paragliding. You're eating trail mix and then wiping your ass with poison ivy. It doesn't matter. Now, it matters to you. We get it.

You create mural meaning whatever. But yeah, your puckered up asshole isn't a big deal. So I think if you look at it one of two ways, yes, either work on finding different friends, maybe people that are also like-minded. If you're not a person who does, if you're a person who doesn't want to have kids, there's probably people out there and you're sort of in your same boat. If this is really what matters to you, again, whatever, not my thing, but whatever you like doing it, you like doing it, or, you know, stick maybe, meet these people, if these, what's more important to you?

The hike or the people, right? And if it's the people, you're gonna have to go to some little kid birthday parties. Okay, one year you don't get to fucking go surfing with your boys, one year you guys, you go, you know, you go to a cabin with all their kids or whatever. And it's like, maybe you wanna, maybe show their kids this kind of shit.

Teach their kids about hiking, camping, all this kind of shit, whatever. Like you have to decide what's more important to you, the friends or the fucking little activities. And why do you really wanna cheat death with a mount, like with your vacation? He's talking about how the danger's gone and all this shit is like what is missing from your life? I just don't feel a lie. I want to circumcise a ram.

I don't feel like I'm living. Yeah dude. So uh that's and maybe you'll be able to get your friends you know maybe you have to take a break from these people until their kids get a little older and they can get a weekend away or whatever. But this is life, brother. People fucking grow up, move on, and you're the one who is, I'm not gonna say wrong, but you're the one who has a different lifestyle than them. And it's up to you to decide, do you want to fit in or do you want to find some more, you know, weird little adventure tourists like you.

I mean, you think his friends don't want to hear about his fucking standby me body on the train track story anymore? You guys remember? Yeah. Yeah. We do. Yeah, we do, but we have shit to do, man. I know.

How much better does that coach look right now? Yeah. Yeah. Can you go cheat on your wife or something? Yeah. Fucking the other mom having a good time. That guy sounds cool compared to you. Oh, he's the best.

Cheating's better than fucking hiking, I'll tell you that much. Dangerous hikes where you have to eat raw, fucking like goat liver or whatever the fuck you find on the trail. Yeah, kayaking, bunch of men in the woods. What a shit weekend that sounds like. Sounds horrible.

I'm gonna do nothing less. This sounds bad, dude. Yeah, sums up with him that what is it in your life that makes you have to fucking fill this hole with like, you know, bungee jumping or whatever the fuck you're doing? Yeah, just wants to be away from people and a little fucking, in a little shed,

like Ted Kaczynski, a weirdo in the woods. That'd be cool. If you wanna fucking blow up the government, that's cooler than what you're talking about. Yeah, at least have some drive. At least there's an end game. What do you want to do? Kill everyone, all right.

All right, so yeah, dude, either try and get your, meet your friends halfway, you know, maybe invest a little bit with their family. Like, you either have to compromise with your friends and decide, do the people matter matter or does the thing matter? If the thing matters, then yeah There's no easy answer. You're just gonna have to find people that are like-minded and it might take a while Yeah, but whatever fuck you by the way, what a shit weekend to go camping with your friends have to teach their kids

Yeah, that sounds horrible to me too, but whatever. I am excited to be the bad influence uncle though. That's my role in a kid's life. Buy him some, I can't wait to, Elders has some kids, engender some self-hating Albanian sentiments inside of the kid,

talk to him Greek Greek supremacy by him toys his mom expressly forbade me for that stuff like that you know i can't wait for that uh... what else we got big old held it dot extra taking my call calling it from austin texas buddy i got a got a friend of mine

As a real bad cocaine problem been in and out of sober living for about a year now Just can't seem to get his life straight. He's one of his wife's friend one of my wife's friends and And he's just in a bad spot and I can't And, um, Banny is just in a bad spot and I can't, like, get it through his head to just get a job instead of doing Uber Eats all damn day and stop doing cocaine and, uh, just being an adult. He's like 32, 34, and, um, he's just having a really hard time. And I'm not sure exactly what to do at this point because he's basically homeless. He comes over to eat, you know. He doesn't have money to eat.

He's living out of his car. His car smells like shit. There's food stains all over his Honda. And the problem is that he's really hung up over his brother's passing. Damn. Which happened at least 10, 15 years ago. And what happens is that he'll do a bunch of cocaine and then start getting in his feels and break down. And this is just a cycle. This is really causing for some... This is really causing for some...

...feels, breakdown, breakdown. I don't really see cocaine as a morning drug. It's a drug to get sad about. It about a real pick me up You know what do pills and be sad? Did you want to do heroin this guy's like? Then the 10 to 15 is awesome 10 to 15 is awesome. 10 to 11 is an estimate. 10 to 15, would you meet this guy once? Oh fuck, alright, finish the call here. He'll cocaine and he just doesn't want to better himself.

I don't know what to do man. Me and my wife are kind of at odds and we love the guy But with any advice you got we would love have a good one hmm his wife's friend is Sad about his brother dying. Let's split the difference say 12 and a half years 12 and a half years ago and He's just not I mean mean look, what do you do? If you really think this is like about his brother's passing

and he has substance abuse issues and you really wanna do something for the guy, then like take one big effort to put him in fucking rehab and if it doesn't stick, hey, he's selling taquitos out of the Honda until it breaks down and then he's sucking cock for it. I don't know what to tell you. Like, if you really wanna do it and your wife

is the one who's kinda pushing you along here, then make a real effort. Giving him food and letting him shower in your house isn't exactly fixing anything. Right. You know, it's almost like adopting like a wreck. It's like when you let a cat, you know, come inside when it snows and then leave it to its own

devices the rest of the time, it's like you just kind of have adopted an animal here. You're teaching him that he's always going to get fed. He's always going to have a place to come. Maybe put a little bowl out for him. Maybe actually treat him like an animal. Have a little hose outside he can use and put a little bowl of chow for him every day. And that's a draw your boundary there. But yeah dude, I mean, you know, just fucking, you gotta either make a real effort, but this kind of like halfway

letting the guy hang out in your life and kind of You know suck resources and like stress everybody out. It's like I don't know do your best to help him But make an actual effort instead of like I don't think what even is his exact question like what are they doing for me? I don't know what he wants. Yeah, just to get him to stop doing cocaine. I Think what you gotta do is have him come over and if he wants to take a shower He has to talk about his brother 15 minutes without crying You're leaving dirty I'm meeting a burrito in front of you Yeah, I love that showers for therapy make him go to therapy He's been in and out of sober living. I mean, yeah, that's he's so he's been to rehab and it's just not sticking

Yeah, he's using his brother's death as an excuse to continue using I'm sure he feels bad about it Yeah, that's the reason he pretends he can't stop. Yeah, and that's you know, that's that is fucking brutal I mean if he's in some kind of shitty setup, all you can do is give it a real effort, try and help him any way you can. But like, at a certain point, yeah, I mean, it is his, it sucks, but it's his life. And what would you do? Like, what do you want to do? What does your wife want to do? And is, I mean, short of basically adopting a grown man, I don't know what you, and even then it's like, who's to say he's gonna stop? I mean he's got money for cocaine.

You know what I mean? Like can you save his, can you set up a checking account for him that he can't tell, every time he's gonna buy Coke, put it like deposit it and then get him an apartment? I don't fucking know what to do here. That's a tough one. Hopefully he's doing Coke while he drives Uber Eats, and he fucking rushed delivery. Oh. That's a tough one. Hopefully he's doing coke while he drives Uber Eats And he fucking rushed delivery

I wonder what his rating is. Well, she stopped crying on my food Why are my nachos soggy They're here fast, but they're wet Yeah, man, I don't know fucking let's talk about that guy's wife's tits some more. Yeah Big fat birthing tits Fuck Let's get some nice Elvis, you know What up, what up, Elvis?

I'm gonna cut right to the chase. Thank you. We appreciate that. Well, what better podcast to ask in? So I hope viewers you're listening and get some, actually, yeah, I'll cut the chase. Please do. Um, I like fat women. Nice. Like not just like any fat women, like if you're fat, I'm going to fuck you. But like, I love the fat women. Obviously they got to be pretty too, face over anything.

But my advice is my wife is not fat. That doesn't mean I don't think she's sexy. I love all types of women. I just like fat a little more. But here's the thing, she's been eating a lot of fast food. She doesn't like to work out. She's been getting fatter and she keeps going. She doesn't like to work out. She's been getting fatter and she keeps going. She's self-conscious about it. I make her not

self-conscious. I'm like, oh you look gorgeous. I mean obviously I think she is. And really she's not fat right now. I'm not like eating her like some weird board kink or whatever it's called. I just like the fat body type. You know what I'm saying? Sure. All women, stop your beautiful but I mean. Thanks man, I get it. Anyway, I don't want to, I feel kind of selfish

like letting her do this. Like I don't know if it's selfish to like be like, when she's like, we'll go to McDonald's and I'll get like just a 10 piece and fries and she'd be like What should I get? I'm like I get the 20 piece and the big mac Look at the boy. This guy's literally doing the thing we said about the guy's wife's tits He's literally slowly dropping hints about getting fatter. This is incredible. What a fucking guy this this literally feeding his wife's addiction He's like I don't know if it's selfish that I want my wife to have coronary disease so my dick stays hard. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I'm not like Let's finish it

Obviously, I think she's sexy right now. She's my wife, but I mean if she's getting a little fatter I mean hey, I mean it's the win-win. She's gonna eat what she wants do what she wants and I get to Fuck a fat bitch So romantic you'll gross, but I also don't know if I'm doing anything wrong really because I'm not like I said I'm not like force beating her perpetuating it in any way but I'm also not stopping so am I like a grimy slimy dude like I don't know so let me know thanks this is awesome I like this swinging back our way for once.

I like finally somebody's living the dream this fucking broad. You know, look, if you're like truly forcing her to get fatter, that's one. But it's also like, I think being a neutral party, like somebody gains a little weight in there. Somebody gains a little weight in there. You know, they've been together a while life stress or whatever That's one thing if you want to but to be like hey, you should get a 20 piece and a big like to

Force her hand one way or the other. I think what you need to do is lay back and let nature take its course I think an American woman who's semi-stressed is gonna keep getting fatter. And I think you just, these are the, these are the, the, you know, you live in the right society if you want to fuck a fat bitch. You sure do. You sure do. And I'm just saying, this way, if you don't push her in one direction or another, you let nature take its course, you get to, you know what I mean? You get to fuck a fat woman with a clear conscience. You know, it's not up to you to be, its course, you get to, you know what I mean? You get to fuck a fat woman with a clear conscience.

You know, it's not up to you to be your brain, listen, you don't gotta be your personal trainer, but you also don't gotta fucking tell her to get more fries either. I disagree. Treat your wife like a goose and shove a funnel down her throat like when they want to make fucking pate where the fuck it is and feed her until she's where you need her to be. Tayward, fuck it is, and feed her until she's where you need her to be. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Don't comment one way or the other make her feel better But if she starts working out and she take if she tries to stop being fat you can't stop her That's really the thing. Yeah, that would be fucked up if she finally starts if she says put in protein powder You put nest quick in her protein powder

Yeah, that makes you know what I mean if you're fucking just she meal preps and you just pour olive oil in it when she's not Looking when her in her steamed broccoli. She's like, hmm, this is a really good batch. That's when you're being a fucking dickhead, but you're good right now, I think. You just gotta be Switzerland about the whole thing. We're trying to get her into like diabetes porn. You're only jerking off to women who have lost a few toes. They're a fucking little leg.

There's a lot of options here. Yeah, if you wanna make a little more money, you can get into the... It sounds like he's at the tip of being in the feeder category, this guy. He doesn't sound so fat himself. I don't know. He doesn't have a fat voice to me.

It's also sometimes people are afraid of being left and somebody who's fat is going to stay. A lot of times, it's a fear of abandonment. Interesting. Anybody like that. Anybody ever feed you? Anybody trying to plump you up? Yeah, twice a week. No.

Yeah. No, not at all. No one has ever. Cause I don't get like, I don't get like sexy. Right. I don't get like, I get like just doughy.

Yeah. I get like, I'm sickly. Yeah. You're a frog. You melt into yourself. I melt into myself. It's unattractive.

Yeah. I look like if you held me upside down my head would get fatter Yeah, yeah, I definitely have had a couple women Expressly fuck me because they want they like fucking yeah real big fat guys If you like rubbing my belly a little too in a way that makes me feel like I'm getting molested. Yeah Actually is pretty sick. I feel wanted. I'm like, whoa, what the, yeah, truly like it kind of fucked me up. One time it happened, the first time it ever happened to me, I was, you know, I had started getting a little pussy off of, you know, online fame.

I started getting a little come town pussy and I was on tour and a girl hit me up. I happened to be in her city and I'm like, oh, she must have listened to the podcast knowing I plugged my date, she hit me up. Complete happenstance did not know about the podcast, followed me because she liked fucking fat guys. And I was like, what the fuck? And she was literally like,

I saw a look in her eyes, I had never seen. Like women, even women who loved me, that we were in relationship with, I saw a look in her eyes, I was like, oh my God, is this how men look at women in a strip club? I was kind of scared the level of sexual energy that was coming off, and it was like, felt cool, she was a little crazy, who would've guessed?

Of course she was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How good in bed was she? It was, it was out of control. Didn't even so much as look sideways at a condom. And that would, you know. Why would you? Why would you?

Really worried about it for months later. Yeah. In the clear. It's been a few years. You know. You got to hold up to the majors when you got to bat in Yankee Stadium. You put a bag over your bat.

What the fuck are you doing? Get dirty. It was crazy. It felt awesome. And that's, I've had a couple of those too happen where it's like somewhere in between where it's like, and it's always true. Like something's wrong with them and they're like

something is gone, a screw is gone, loose in their head and they are way too hot. Yeah, yeah. So it's like So it's like some of the hottest women that I've hooked up with have had that feeling, and it's been like, not a lot, obviously that'd be crazy if there was like 50 of these women running around, but it was like a nice handful that I will think about quite often.

So anyway, I think I'm gonna go beat off now. Now, you know now. Me too, just thinking about you being treated so well. Just because you're a good friend. I jerk off to my friends being treated with respect. Just be treated like a king for Christ's sake. Anyway, that's I think that's gonna do for us. Jim, thank you so much for coming on the show.

This was so fun. Great, I love that and thanks for having me on. Anytime brother, anytime you want to come back on, let us know. Go watch the YouTube channel. Go see Jim Live. And yeah, we'll see you next week, guys. Bye-bye. Thanks, buddy.