Stavvy's World - #75 - Marie Faustin and Derek Gaines

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

Marie Faustin and Derek Gaines return to the pod to discuss the death of OJ Simpson, going to college for jazz scatting, pronouncing the word 'superfluous,' turning into a white woman on a skiing trip, what kangaroo and alligator tastes like, visiting Haiti, a couple messed up news stories, whether they want kids or not, and much more. Marie, Derek, and Stav help callers including a woman who feels extremely guilty about wanting to break up with her boyfriend, and a man wondering if he should live with his hot friend who he knows isn't interested in him. Get your mom an Aura Frame for Mother's Day! Visit https://www.auraframes.com/stavvy and use code STAVVY to get $30 off plus free shipping. Follow Marie Faustin on social media: https://www.instagram.com/reeezy https://twitter.com/MsReeezy Follow Derek Gaines on social media: https://www.instagram.com/thegreatboy/ https://twitter.com/derek1gaines Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World, 904-800-STAV. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We have a panel of returning champions here. We have Marie Faust and Derek Gaines. Thanks for coming back, bros. Thanks for having me. Of course. I think I live here now.

Thanks for bringing me back to Greece. You want a sublet? You want a sublet at the office? I would die here. This folds out, you know, we have a nice little... Wow. You just... You can just sleep here. You got insurance?

Insurance or health care? Insurance. Insurance, what kind? Renters insurance? Yeah, something. No, if I had to stay. So you think when you rent a place they also give you insurance? Yeah.

Where do you live? I'm from a different world. I'm from a very blessed world of South Jersey. Do you live in Mount Sinai? I meant to say healthcare. You're describing a homeless shelter. Where's the soup line? Where's the soup line?

Is there free bread every day? Y'all got old milk here? I love it. I could see because I I definitely could see you because you put on some fits that are so wild that it could be the first day of homelessness, you know, where it's still clean. Oh, yeah. But it's like it feels like, you know, oh, this guy maybe is down on his luck kind of thing. could by accident wander into homeless shelter or you get a it's my first day first day of homeless yeah you put together a couple stuff it's clean it's warm you know I always put on this hoodie so I was wondering if I could get some soup

yeah exactly I spent all my money on the hoodie I need some soup couple stains you know what I mean you're good to go it's the only guy that folds his clothes I'm sleeping but I ain't gonna crease it. Aaaaaah! We ironed him with a pan. Yeah, so no insurance, but you know you're welcome. You guys are welcome to stay. Thanks for coming all the way from Brooklyn. I know it's difficult.

I was in the car like, do I even like star roast this much? Bruh, you live deep out. You live deep queen. My driver saw the address and he sighed. He said, he called everybody back home. He went through the whole family tree and then we got here. Yeah, that's good. Gives them a lot of time to make calls.

And you know how, like, I mean, you know, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like He got everybody back home. He went through the whole family tree and then we got here. Yeah, that's good. Gives him a lot of time to make calls.

And you know how, like, I mean, y'all are men, but sometimes the driver will wait for me to get in before they drive away. Sure. This guy was gone. Not this time. Because he'd lost his shoes. He was pissed. Bitch. All the way up for you. God damn.

A lot of great stuff while you guys are here. Make a day of it. You know, go get some Greek food. Check out the visionary art. What is it? The museum? MoMA PS1. Yeah. Oh, as MoMA PS1. Museum of the Moving Image. Very close to here. You know, they have a great Jim Henson exhibit.

Oh, the Muppet Baby guy. Yeah. I'm just pitching this neighborhood to them. Very nice. Fuck you guys Derek and Marie, why don't you quiet down for a second? I have something important to tell the listeners and you as a matter of fact Do you want to win your Mother's Day this year? Do you two want to be the best siblings in the family? Do you want to win Mother's Day dear listener? Well, you can do that with aura frames a ura frames little motherfuckers Look at that look at this cute guy look at these two cute guys over here with aura frames Right now aura has a great deal for Mother's Day

listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting aura frames comm slash stavi to get $30 off Plus free shipping on their best- frame. That's A U R A frame slash Stavi. Use code Stavi at checkout to save. Terms and conditions apply. We have Trader Joe's. Whoa, you got a Trader Joe's? Yeah. Trader Joe's.

Damn, what the fuck? Yeah, which I got. Just Kefu? Yeah, honestly, that is kind of bullshit. Isn't there a Trader Joe's LIC? Long Island City, yeah, let's start with more Completely New York specific stuff to really turn off 95% of the listening audience Your audience. Oh, I don't know. Should we run the analytics?

We'll do 12% New York 11% LA 17% Oklahoma. I don't think I'm big in Oklahoma. You're big everywhere You know what? Actually in Oklahoma. I actually I did a casino gig there and I was like damn I'm a fucking piece of ass I'm a fucking piece of ass. You're a peteek. I was literally like, I was like, damn, there's three t-shirt sizes above mine here. When you go to a gift shop and I'm like, I'm a medium, effectively. When 2X is just, they're just getting cooking.

Yeah, absolutely. I did a horrible casino. I mean, thank you to the gig. I was opening for Bobby. It wasn't really my gig. The lady who did it was nice, but man, it was like, thank you to the gig. I was opening for Bobby It wasn't really my gig the lady who did it was nice But man, it was like everyone was fat as hell and it was like and it's like old people with their oxygen tanks fucking Carts yeah, really tough. Maybe parked outside. They tell her they card outside I've done our Atlantic City plenty

Foxes. Yeah, man Have you ever been over home anybody here, Oklahoma? No No, I went to Tulsa Tulsa. Yeah, I came to see me though was slim I didn't say it was my fan base. I said they were in the casino Yeah, people stop booking me they're like sorry man, we got to get new chairs every time you perform My parents were still married I lived in Oklahoma for like six months Oh Oh, interesting. Baby. Little ass kid. So you've got some Oklahoma. You got some Oklahoma in you.

Yeah, there was an Air Force base on Oklahoma. Oh, okay. And I was there and when they divorced, no more Oklahoma. So that's a... Sound like you wanna unpack the divorce. Yeah, what's going on? Everything all right, man?

I'm a product, no, to be honest, I'm a product of a good divorce. Okay. Product of a really good divorce. Both my parents are engineers. So I've been pretty much spoiled. Okay, Rich. Okay, four Christmases.

Super Bowl, every Christmas. Super Bowl, every fucking Christmas. Who won, who would win? My mom, cause she hated my pops. So she was like, nah, nah, I'm always getting gifts. If anything he don't get, I'm gonna get them. What was the best one, do you remember? Is there like one that stands out?

I remember one year, there's two different ones. or anything he don't get I'm gonna get him. So yeah, it was pretty. What was the best one? Do you remember? Is there like one that stands out? I remember one year, there's two different ones. One year, I thought I opened every gift, but my mom hid an entire basketball court behind the tree. Court? Basketball court? So you know how you gotta put a cement court thing? So the box fort was behind it.

So she put the hoop behind it. She says, we gotta build it, but it's here for you. That was one year another year Yeah, another year my mom set up the fucking racetrack Racetrack what the fuck you thought you got real estate for your birthday I was like, I thought you were talking about, I was literally like, his mother got a go-kart track in his backyard. But my pop used to take me go-karting every time I went to D.C., so it was always a thing.

But no, my mom used to take out the presents and set them up around the Christmas, it used to fuck me up. The setup is huge. I was like, my mom is the truth, like I'm like, yes! It was always fun, every Christmas was crazy. And your mom is still number one in your parent rankings?

Absolutely. It's mom, mom, dad, too. What about step parents coming in? Well, my dad's wife. Yeah. I love that mom. My dad's wife. My father's wife.

My father's wife. My dad's wife. How dare my sister shout out to Cindy. He's like, well, Charlene. Shout out to Cindy. I love Cindy. Cindy's great. Doesn't, didn't sound like it, man.

My dad's. The bitch my dad fucking is. Oh shit. Yeah, shout out to my father's wife Cindy. I love her to bits. I love her to bits and pieces. Yeah, from afar. She never set up any Hot Wheels tracks no no does she

have any kids of her own did you have any step parents? no so you were all and did your mom have any other kids? my pop my sister my sister oh my father so yeah before you were after after okay all right I'm the first one gotcha gotcha gotcha the first born son the little prince yeah the little prince of the divorce family Brontosaurus burgers all the time. That's nice big old burger I learned that word Too much shit you got too much living superfluous You got it hold on take your time elders put it up there so you can sound it out. Can you use it in a sentence?

Superfluous. What's the origin? Superfluous. Unnecessary, especially being more than enough. Absolutely. Yeah, but it's adding the lead to the end that makes it hard. Superfluously. That's hard.

Superfluously. You'll get it little buddy. That's AP English right there. Good schools, good schools. Whole thing. Love that dude. Dad, you are spoiled. You'll get a little buddy You're in the crew. I didn't know you were Carlton Banks. You know I dropped out of jazz college to do comedy. I dropped out of jazz school to do comedy. You were playing or you were like, doobity da? I know, I had the scatting class. I had to do scat classes.

We'd be there, super doobop doobop dee bop dee bop. That's insane. You're just making shit up. No, no. That's like what poor white people think rich black people do. No. Put on a tuxedo and stand. Well, of course the black.

No. Shout out to Michael Jones, my rhythm and diction teacher. Rhythm and diction teacher. That's why your crush is superfluous. Michael Jones, we had to sing beats in this. Do ba da dit, be da ba do. superfluous we had to sing beats and then do but I did be double you Switzerland. Yeah. It was in Philly, but yeah. Oh, in Philly. That makes a difference. Yeah. Big time. OK. Do you ever go skiing? Let's keep going. You know, I'm not an outdoorsy guy.

I went skiing a couple of months ago. Talk shit. Come on. Yes. There we go. Went to Vancouver with the white people. Wow. And the higher we went up the mountain, the more I turned to a rich white lady.

The air was so wealthy. I was at all these black people and I was like, where are you people from? You just go up and whisper to the security guard, keep an eye on them, will you? I left my purse back there. I'm like, are there lockers? I want to put my Casio watch. Seems to be some Citons on the mountain.

I don't know if I like these critons. I'm going to move one after all sprints at the top of the mountain. I'm just like, ahhh. I'm in a terrible scare. I've never done any winter shit. I'd like to tube, but that sounds fun. Go down that motherfucker fast as shit, then drink some hot cocoa. I'll meet you down at the lodge, type shit. Oh, they start drinking at 2 p.m

Yeah, people get really fucked up cuz the liquor keep you warm, right? Don't it? Once you start drinking. I'm not going back outside You go with the crew Yeah, Chelsea Hanley was there naked That's nice cool, that's a good move hard. Yeah, I don't want to do any of that shit I just want to hang out. I said this on a podcast before but I remember I feel like in the 90s every like I guess before, but I remember, I feel like in the 90s, every like show for like, you know, Saved by the Bell, Fresh Prince, all that, they all had like a ski lodge episode,

and I always had like a fantasy of like, I would, me, I was gonna stay behind and just chill at the fucking, chill at the lodge while everybody went skiing, and then another group, they'd have like a hot girl friend who also stayed behind and I would get to fuck the hot girl. The hot girl's friend? No, no, like the hot girl.

The hot girl. Who also stayed at the lodge. Who is one of the friends of, yeah, yeah. The other party. I mean, yes, thank you, Derek. Derek, Derek. I'm hearing the fantasy. One of you guys went to jazz college

and can follow what I'm talking about. I have one educated man here. Scott class sounds like they throwing poop at each other. Y'all throwing doodle at each other? That is fucking hilarious. Did your parents want you to be a jazz guy? No, I was a jazz guy in high school. then I want to do it really well in high school start getting awards and all That shit. Oh, yeah, so I guess that was the way cuz my SAT scores were so low right school I could get into was jazz the voice memo of you playing saxophone. Yeah, man. That's the application. Warner, you black Kenny G.

Your soul, did you see soul? Yeah, I saw soul. That's true. I didn't see soul. Oh, you didn't see, cause you ain't got no soul. Soul, soul was like a, was a black Pixar movie. I saw it, it looked, the guy looked like Roy Wood Jr. Yeah. But it was Jamie Fox was a black Pixar movie. I saw it. The guy looked like Roy Wood Jr. Yeah.

But it was Jamie Foxx. And then they turned him into a cat for the whole movie. So the black dwarf says, Oh, really? It's a black Pixar movie, but you don't see. The main black characters in it for seven minutes. He's a cat. He's black at first.

That's awesome. Nah, nah, you can't have a lead be black the whole time. And they were like, we can't have it too black, let's add Tina Fey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well listen, we gotta sell this to China, alright? And they're not big fans of black people. That's a lie. Yeah. If I go to China right now, they have been, and they actually were not very nice. Thank you.

I rest my case. I forgot! You blotted it out your mind. Yeah, well why would I not suppress that? Why'd you go to China? Because I had a layover in Hong Kong. I was going to Thailand. Oh nice. And we were like, oh Hong Kong's gonna be lit.

And they were looking at us like... We would walk, they would like sweep up where we just... If you would walk they would like sweep up where we just... And Hong Kong is kind of like the because the British were there that's it's even like a more westernized part of China so if you're in like mainland China it's probably be even more fucked up I would guess. Yeah well Thailand was lit. They like everybody out there. Weed is legal out there. Yeah it seems fun. Everything's cheap. I was rich. Yeah that's awesome. I felt like everybody out there. Yeah, it's legal out there. Yeah, she was cheap. I was rich Yeah, I want to go to Thailand too

But I do feel like I need to lose a little weight because because you can't be You can't look like me tell people you want to go to Thailand because people just assume you're up to no good if you want to go to Thailand because people just assume you're up to no good if you want to go to Thailand. If a fat balding guy in a Hawaiian shirt is like, I'm very interested in Thailand. Oh no, that boy hunting for ladyboy. He would get fucking. That guy out on the ladyboy hunt. They're like, he's here to buy people. He's buying slaves.

There's so much cheaper here. Yeah. That needs trafficking on a coupon. Sex trafficking is so much more affordable in Thailand. Yeah, so, but it does sound awesome. It's not like the nature sounds like, you know, the beaches are sick. It's lit. Yeah. That's awesome.

There are a lot of Australians there though. That is a big negative. Yeah. Anytime you get too many Aussies anywhere, because they're, that's awesome. A lot of Australians there though. That is a big negative Yeah, anytime you get too many Aussies anywhere cuz they're they'll come to Greece to there's certain islands that Aussies take over and it's just like Imagine if British people were louder and more annoying. That's pretty much Australians, you know Louder more annoying better teeth better teeth but and also stronger which is a negative because usually British people are like, you know, oh weak. Yeah Bit frail when I went Yeah, they're afraid of the Sun. So the Sun just exactly why I don't there was only like one sunny day. That's a good point Maybe that's the big difference is that Australians get son?

Yeah, you know like kangaroos Drowning dogs come here with me like what they are fucked up they eat kangaroos. Do you know that? It's a meat kangaroo. It's probably like I'm not that interesting Yeah, I'll just what do you wait you little producing see what his kangaroo meat tastes like Slim Jim's that's so funny. Honestly, they could yeah similar game Hmm pink and red and very like chicken. I don't believe that Any time a weird meat comes up they say crocodile tastes like chicken frog tastes like chicken Chickens delicious, there's no way think crocodile does kind of taste like chicken. Oh yeah chicken. Everything tastes like chicken. Chicken's delicious. There's no way. I think crocodile does kind of taste like chicken. Have you had crocodile? Either had

that or alligator or something. When I was in New Orleans. When I go to final I'm getting one of them Gator burgers. All three of you are interested in Gator burgers is that what I'm hearing? I mean I've been to New Orleans I feel like I had. You don't have to be a Gator. Well you see. Maybe having a whole. Shit the tail be all on the grill. I'll be Well, I think you would. Well, you see, maybe having a whole, shit, the tail be all on the grill. I'll be like, all right, I gotta try that. I'm not interested in that. It looks fucked up to me.

I saw an awesome video of like a alligator that got like skinned and smoked for like hours on Facebook reels. And it looked fucking good as shit. I wanna see what they look like. It did look good. I was like, damn, they fucked that alligator up. I was like, damn that out of it up

Real Wides oh yeah, how do you skin a gator aren't they like dinosaurs? I don't know what the fuck Crazy cut it up. Whatever be I'm not interested in that I'm not adventurous when it comes to eating weird ass animals. Give me a nice cow, a chicken. I'll eat seafood. Okay. But no. You don't have a sophisticated jazz college, man.

All right, your motherfuckers are eating vermin. You guys are like, we want kangaroo and fucking iguana meat. Fuck you guys. I'm right. I don't eat white you guys. I'm right Eat ferret did you oh yeah, that's a fucked up thing a ferret girl You don't want you don't want to tangle with those a ferret girl is probably a psycho So I'm like I assume it's like a rich rat girl rat girls exist

But they're usually like art kind of weird art art girls. Yeah ferret girls like horse girls with like a rich rat girl rat girls exist, but they're usually like art kind of weird art art girls Yeah, ferret girls like horse girls with like a asthma that can't go outside So they get so they give them so they're weak and they they want an exotic little animal Yeah, they're sort of yeah, I guess British to horse girls Australian. I guess is what it comes down to Did you have any pets there? Do you have any I had a dog I had a hamster. Okay She's trying to win the parent Olympics Because I had the cage with all the tubes and all the fucking sort of the hamster had something to do and I want to go.

No, but my mother has a dog now. So when I go visit, I just did nice Cooper. Cooper, that's a good dog name. What about pets for you? What I feel like you my family's from Haiti. We don't feed y'all and nobody else. When I was in fifth grade we had like a class rabbit and every weekend somebody would take the rabbit home. Did it survive? They wouldn't let me bring it home. I got a goldfish and my mom was like if that fish gets big enough I will cook it. And I was like, I gotta get security.

Don't grow, just don't grow. Goldfish grow to be the size of their tank. So they get big. You can get a huge goldfish? Yeah, have you ever seen goldfish in a pond? Yeah, goldfish can get massive. I bet they taste like shit. I bet that it's not a good

It don't look like it's just those weird little fucked up pellets. There's no way those turn into delicious meat Do people eat goldfish? They're related to koi I suppose maybe in some maybe in some cultures So was it so it must have been like a real immigrant house. What are we talking about? I grew up very uh What is it muddy fishy kind of gross taste you don't say Fishing not calling a goldfish fish Like Chilean sea bass no Grow brand Zeno does hit the spot pretty good stuff

I love a market price fish. Yeah. When I got MP on the menu. Guys, when I say MP on the menu. You watch a corporate guard on you. What a nightmare to go on a date with Marie. Marie only looks at market price. Anything with a set price is not getting ordered. Or when they order something simple. You ever had this?

They order something simple. So you order market price and price they go I change my mind Yeah, that's tough. You think you've done the math you like well this bitch is getting a Caesar salad Creole sauce. Oh yeah, dime. What's the ferret situation tonight? Is there a tail? Yeah. Is there a tail soup? Is there a ferret season right now? Fly it in straight from Baton Rouge.

I want the ghetto. Were you eating weird shit? Because I mean, I remember my friend growing up, his dad was like a villager, a Greek villager, so he's like basically a hillbilly. And he literally, my friend thought he had a pet rabbit and then one day he comes home and that motherfucker is stewed and eaten that day.

So I remember playing with that fucking thing and then hearing that they ate it and I was fucking horrified Or what were what are Haitians eating anything interesting? They make you anything weird? No, but I went to Haiti once We were at my grandmother's house, okay, and they had chickens running around and she was like, I'm making dinner She's like, let said what? And my grandma snapped the cheese and snuck it in front of me. Dang. And I was like, there's a picture of my.

What makes it so funny is. There's a picture of you. There's a picture of my grandma holding it, and the chicken is like this. And I'm just like, dang this. And I was like, I'm not eating that. I'm making dinner. Anyway, that was the best chicken I've ever had.

I know. Fresh. I, that was the best chicken I've ever had. I know. I said, farm the table. Man, farm the table's gotta be good. Ooh, literally, like she killed it and then put it on the table. Probably more gravel backyard to table. It was yummy. I'm so full.

You were probably like, I'm not eating that. And then the second you smell it cooking, you're like, oh Not nothing so nothing did you go back a lot do you like go in the summers to visit family or no I've only been to Haiti once and my mom wants to go back but the government keeps shutting down the airport He's kind of wild even Y'all can't cut. Even by Haiti standard, it's gotten kind of wild recently. Oh, my dad refuses to go. He's like, if your mom goes to Haiti, I'm unplugging the phone

because I don't have money for ransom. Wow, because that's probably like a thing in there, right? Everyone's getting kidnapped. What the fuck is going on here to get kidnapped? You were getting taken. My dad said, I don't have a special set of skills. Yeah. He said, if you go, you go. Going there to get kidnapped you can take it. Yeah, I don't have a special set of skills Our daughter went skiing we're fucked they're gonna get they're grabbing you at the airport if they find out our daughter's been on a Ski lodge. Yeah

Yeah. Her? Oh yeah, get her. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, they're playing for you. God damn. She has promise, oh yeah. That's wild shit.

Was it real Ellis Island style growing up? Because I literally shared a room with my two brothers and our grandma was at the other, Jesus. The other, we shared a wall with my grandma. So it was real immigrant growing up in Baltimore. What was the Faustin apartment looking like? It's actually Faustin. Faustin? Okay.

For the people. For the well-read. Hey, just pull up the word superfluous again. Superfluous. Superfluous Lee. Superfluous Lee. Too long of a pause, Marie. Yeah. It's not a guy. It's not Lee. Superfluous. Lee. Lee. You're not describing a man named Lee who is superfluous.

I got so many syllables like yeah. Anyway. Unnecessary. It's a multi-syllable word. Yeah, me and my sister had a bunk bed. Bunk bed, hell yeah. Bunk bed's no siblings, anyway. It's a multi-submissive. Yeah, me and my sister had a bunk bed. Oh Bunk beds no siblings. Anyway, wow truly flexing on us. We both had bunk beds out of necessity This motherfucker just decided My mom was like sometime you gotta go Derek's imaginary friend in a little love. And I was like, hey. That's the life I live.

Derrick's imaginary friend had a better living situation than I did. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Chuck was cool. That's fucking hilarious. Chuck.

Chuck. Chuck sound like he was too old to be hanging out with. Chuck. Chuck. Yeah. He had bitches over all the time. That's how it was, right? That's how he needed two bucks. Chuck. He had bitches over all the time. That kind of was right. He needed two bunks.

Silly stuff. Damn. Hilarious. Cheers to the comics. The bunk beds also. It was fun. Me and my brothers would like rotate because there was three of us and there was a bed and then the bunk beds and it was like we decided who got to do what.

And then the funny thing is I realized when I was like beds and it was like, we decided who got to do what. And then the funny thing is, I realized when I was like 10, I was like, damn, this sucks, we don't have an extra room. And it turned out we just had a room the whole time that like my dad had closed, like almost had boarded it up because he just had a bunch of shit in there, he didn't feel like cleaning out. And so when I was like 13, I was like,

yo, what the fuck, can I have this room? And he was like, oh yeah I guess. He was like we just had an extra room this whole time. Three boys shared one little ass bedroom because you didn't feel like throwing away a couple coats from the 70s. It was so fucking annoying. These might come back and stop.

Yeah. He said fashion is sick. Yeah. Literally growing up my father's junk had a room and me and my brother shared one. That is crazy, bro. That is wild. I know. It's opposite ends of the spectrum right here.

It really is. Yeah, yeah. But then I got it, when I got that room going, I'm like 13, I'm getting a fucking little Ikea TV stand. I got the original Xbox on there, listening to the radio. Hilarious. I was still listening to the radio. We still didn't have internet We didn't get in a dozen like high school mid high school some fucking crap. Oh, dude. That was awesome

That was the best summer of my life. Just playing like I don't Madden I'll remember and also her stream volleyball where it's those ladies with big tits playing volleyball Yeah Pull it up elders Where's those ladies with big tits playing volleyball? Pull it up elders extreme volleyball extreme volleyball Yep She viable Academy. No not precise location the fuck women faster eldest for fuck's sake I don't see no titties. No, not. They got all these shirts. Oh, wait.

Yeah, said, yeah, volleyball game. Oh, Dead or Alive, extreme volleyball. That's right. That's what it was. Oh, he had the safe search on. Yeah. Oh, that looks cool. Oh, one on his butt.

Yeah, Dead or Alive, extreme beach volleyball. That was awesome. It was literally a game purely made for horny 12-year-olds to like, you know. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah They in the pool playing a beautiful summer. Okay. Look at that. You know, we had to get we had to get resourceful No internet, you know what we're gonna jack off to in my youth. We had to get video games Yeah kids today don't know how easy they don't know

They all have iphone. Yeah Unless their parents hate them and in which case they have droids They don't know. They all have iPhones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless their parents hate them, in which case they have droids. Yep, exactly. Porn in the palm of they hand. Yeah. But this builds character jacking off

to a volleyball video game. Sorry, Derrick, you were saying. You were saying about the internet, I was going down memory lane. No, that's okay, no, because I remember when it first came out, my first computer game I

Remember in the checks box or right sex they came with the first AOL. Oh, yeah version You would get it a CD of like internet Game for hours on the fucking mouse in the do it. What kind of game was it? It was like it was like a checks game, but it was like mix doom with cereal sort of you Serial motion game you were playing like an advertisement for cereal Yeah, right checks had a at an internet game it came in the box and then I, that's Shanks. Yeah, Rice Shanks had an internet game. It came in the box, and then I played it on,

like, the first dial-up, whatever. It was fun. Do they still put prizes in cereal? I don't think so. I think that's a lost art. It's probably all QR codes and shit now. Yeah. Yeah, damn.

It's over. Sweepstakes on the back of the box. That's fun. Sweepstakes, yep. That was fun. I'll just say, don't, man. The things you choose to fucking produce is so So expensive right now. It's

It's fucked up boxers and the boxes are shrinking I know dude I'm like this is how much golden grams cost It's fucked up steal this and you can't even steal it. It don't fit under your shirt You have to kill him. grams is a deep cut syrup. You gotta be an underground that's the dash you gotta be raised Haitian. I'm about to kill a chicken and like that. Gold grams is solid. Cookie Chris was always the one I was I always wanted but never my mom never allowed me to. My mom never got me cookie crisps. And then we got it once and I was like wait these I literally Thought they were little cookies cookies, but they're not they're bullshit. Yeah, it's fucked up cinnamon toast crunch I'm so that's a vibe the killer. Yeah, of course lucky charm fruity pebbles

Yeah, love listing cereals Yeah, love listing cereals. Who's that? Who's that? Who's listing the good ones? Honey bunches of oats. I felt really bad because we would, I had three brother, or two brothers, and one of them, it was me and then my brother Nick

who would just eat shit so fast. And so like a family pack of Costco cereal would go in two days. And my poor brother George would just never get anything. We'd eat his fucking leftovers, we'd eat his fucking, it was. He's the baby? He's the middle child.

I mean, they're twins, so they're, you know. But he was effectively, personality-wise, he's definitely the middle child, because it was like, Nick was treated like the baby, and I was definitely the oldest, because I was two years older. And Nick, we just would fuck cereal up in our house. Your poor mom. Oh yeah. No, it was tough

My mom had three young boys and then my father was effectively a child as well. So she just has four Children and we're just right mom tough Not interested. No, you don't want a boy. Do you want kids at all? No, I don't think so nice Oh, well, because my life is very, you you know I get up when I want we travel we smoke when I want for like days at a time What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell?

What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? I'm asking my daughter for forget she got life with no chest bro. She won't be in there a while So her her plan was just leave the kid Puerto Rican mom Let's get right to the heart of the matter word economy on that search It was bad. Left there. She went on a trip, baby. Oh, man. 16 months. She just dipped.

That's insane. And it's like, babe, you could, if you didn't want to have the, like bring it to Puerto Rico and leave it with family there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, so when you come back, you don't have to deal with it. You have to deal with it.

Put it in a basket and set the basket in a river. And let the Royals take care of it. I don't know. Prince of Egypt. Fire station or something. Put it in a basket and set the basket in a river. Yeah, in a river. And let the royals take care of it. Are you not Christian? Prince of Egypt. Cleveland, that Cleveland River is real polluted. That's the one that caught on fire. I don't know that I'd try and make a Moses fair.

Yeah, I would do the classic from movies. Put it in a basket, leave it on a nun, like orphanage or nuns. There's always a church or a bar or something, but not leave it on a non like Yeah, I'm waiting for my sheen packages to come in I need to look good in Puerto Rico Where's my E-ticket? She's sliding the baby off the couch so she can check in for her flight. Damn dude. Oh no. She's pleading mental health too. That's a wild move. That's terrible. Well obviously she's not sane.

Yeah. Just leave a child. I really needed a vacation your honor. And now that I'm back I'm good. Well I mean she got home The baby was dead. She changed the baby's outfit. Oh, and it was like it's cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's wild Damn, anyway, that's me. You want to You empathize you're like yeah, I can see myself. I see myself in this lady I mean, I do feel like I would make a really cute pregnant person

I would make a really cute pregnant person Yeah Yeah, that would be nice that would be cute then after nine months people like where's the kid I'm like Oh, I just wanted the outfit I just wanted to shoot a couple reels. I just wanted to create some content. I got a really good brand sponsorship with maternity clothes, so I just had to do it. That's the idea. I'm partnering with Ashkosh for that. Honestly, dressing up a baby sounds fun too.

I think you'd have a good time for that too. It does sound fun but like all the other stuff is like I gotta do what? You gotta raise it. You gotta raise. I'm with you. But also like I'm afraid like you could raise a baby, you would have a baby, raise it and it grows up to be a serial killer. Yeah. Pretty crazy yeah.

I know. There's a lot of risks you take with that. I was with some friends who you know some were friends some were people I just met and everyone had kids except me and I was like I made a joke where I was like everyone something how great their kids I was like, I mean your kids all could grow up and be huge pieces of shit and nobody liked that That joke did not go over Statistically at least one Literally was like oh, I mean come on lit and these are some of them were comedians like we're joking about you know At least one of your kids is gonna be a fucking idiot. Yeah, and then no, literally everyone's like,

aw, I mean, come on. And these are, some of them were comedians, like we're joking about, you know, other shit, horrific shit moments before. Soon as you call somebody's baby ugly now, now you a baby-phobe. They were cute kids, but they were, you know, one of them is probably gonna be, you know,

a fucking idiot or annoying. So much can go wrong. Yeah. So much can go wrong yeah so much can go wrong and it's like I don't know if I wanna do that that feels hard I'm ready for I've talked about it before but I'm ready to go uncle mode that's it for me uncle mode is the best mode it's perfect

they send money, they smile at you, hang out with them show up to your birthday party with a thousand dollars worth of gifts yeah a thousand dollars worth of gifts oh I'm sorry for daring, this is daring a couple hundred dollars worth of gifts Yeah, I was a tour the gift for their this very You this way you show up with a helicopter you're like this little buddy It's always gift for all his little friends and then they go who the fuck this guy's off Now cuz my mom's monkey my little, my cousin's son, recipe's Dougie. So I kind of I got a new god son, whatever.

So he'll have it. He had his birthday in Jersey at that big mall. And when I found that out, I pulled up and went to the Toys R Us while they were still playing and I counted all his friends. He had like seven friends with him. So I'm like, I guess seven gifts for me. Yeah. Looked at all of them, bought them all something. These motherfuckers went. That's huge. No, that's huge.

I was like, yeah, and I left. And then word spreads, he's got a cool uncle. And all it took was five dollars a head. One yo-yo for seven kids. They're the coolest kids. They're the coolest boys, he got the main, but I bought them all something, they lost their fucking minds. I was like, yeah, yeah.

I'm also starting to see the appeal of being a step-parent now, right? Cause I have friends who have kids that I think are, you know, nice kids, but I don't want to be there to fucking, in the middle of the night. So if I can meet a lady, she's got some kid, it's like seven, I've missed all the bullshit.

Now I'm just, now it's like a little guy or a little girl that I can be friends with and like teach some shit to, show them John Wick for the first time I Missed all the bullshit like now. I'm like that actually sounds awesome I feel like seven is a good age sevens great. They're not too young and they're not starting to talk a little bit Yeah, they first think that you're not cool, right? You get to you get a couple years to indoctrinate them before they're 13 they say every seven years your shit

Resets or whatever. That's that shit they say every seven years your shit resets or whatever? I don't know. So that's that first set of... Sure. Yeah, so... Catch them on the second cycle. The first set. Of the gain cycle. The second cycle, yeah.

Of the seven-year gain cycle. Okay. Of course, that shit we all know about. Every seven years. I know it's her. The nerds be talking about every seven years. You're the nerds. You're the nerds.

What? You're the nerds. I'm the nerds, you're the nerds. I'm the nerds. I'm the nerds. No, Marie. Sorry, man. But anyway, now yes. Sorry, man.

In high school you had a little bow tie on scatting at the talent show. You are the nerds. It was never a bow tie. It was never a bow tie. It was a regular tie. Look, man, you got a fucking Hot Wheels track, you got a basketball thing. You can't also be cool when you have those things Derek. All right, that's just how it works Remember bully me and the other poor kids bullied the kid with money. I remember how it went It's all even down now. We're all adults, but I know what it was like in high school. I can see it

Poor kids where K marks It was like in high school, I can see it. Tail as old as time. Yeah, there was one kid. The rich kids get bullied. Yeah, yeah. And the poor kids wear K-marks. Yeah, exactly. I was bullying the fuck out of a local anchor's son in my Starburys. Not the Starburys. Not the Starburys. Oh yeah, oh yeah, my mom was like,

oh you like this guy, don't you? I had to wear him like three times not to break my mom's heart, but I was like Jesus Christ, this is gonna be a tough day Literally remember like trying to break them like running sprints hard as shit Hoping that they were like, yeah, yeah Ripped myself off these soles God I hate these soles I get it, I get it That's so funny You, starberries I got a lot of t-shirts from that

What was that place called? They sell starberries? It was like something Literally the berry was in the title But anyway, that's neither here nor there Fuck, what were we talking about? We were just talking about something before the seven year cycle. I forget kids gifts. Kids give the kid nice.

Oh, step dad. Yeah. Being a better coming in as a yeah. That's good. Yeah, that could be good. I could see some shit like that. The older I get, the more I'm like, yeah, I'm either. I'm two traditional things. Uncle stepdad. There you go. That is like so clearly who shows up. Shit like that the older I get the more I'm like, yeah, I'm either I'm two traditional things uncle step dad There you go. That is like so clearly who shows up like I show up and everyone's confused

They're like she married like the first husband's like some hot guy Second husband's me Guy absolutely can't wait. I see it in my future so beautifully and clearly For four or five years from now second. I was here, you know, it'll be nice Thank you. I don't think I want to get a stepmom. No. Yeah second wife though. You could definitely be But there can't be any I mean my goal in life was always to be like engaged like five times That's fucking hilarious. That's great. No engagement, you've never gotten close to an engagement?

Nothing? No, I mean, I feel, you know, I'm like, if you stare at me too long, I like, I run away. Like, I don't know, anybody who likes me too much, I'm like, it's, it's desperate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It is fun to realize a lot of behavior, I feel like me and a lot of my friends a lot of our behaviors like damn We are getting too old for to behave this way Yeah, you know what I mean? And it's like it you can hide it a little longer as a hot woman like when you look like shit

It's like alright. Well 35. I got to kind of figure this out quicker You got more years, but you also have a fundamental mental issue. Fundamental mental issue. That you got to figure out at some point. Yeah, listen, I'm fine. If it's going to be fun, I'm going to do it. If God proposes to me today, I'll say yes. Let's get one out of five out of the way.

A runaway bride in my Starberries. Let's get one out of five out of the way Take off as soon as his motherfuckers start doing his vows But no in actual in like when I was in my early 20s like I wasn't thinking I'm trying to do dumb stuff Market price and I agree. I agree, but it ain't the early 20s anymore is all I'm saying you got it Your favorite store and your your plan your guiding motto in life Dating people now and if it's back we we they can stick around but okay if you're too available

Too available. So like that is there like Is there a formula for how available they should be you should be a little bit busy a little that's fair, right? Yeah, every day. I'm with you. Okay. I'm should be a little bit busy. That's fair. Every day? I'm with you. I'm with you on that. I should be a little bit busy. Oh my God, I don't want to see you every day. Yeah, no, that's crazy.

That's crazy. I agree. Like, I was talking to this guy and he would be like, oh, I miss you. Like, can I see you later? And I'd be like, I just saw you yesterday. Yeah, that's tough. But also like, when you like somebody,

you do want to see them as much as you can. But, you know. When's the last time you were, did ever like somebody like that much where you're like back-to-back days for you Oh like a twofer like house. Oh now Don't worry this come out and this comes out in like a couple months It'll be over by then, Marie. So say whenever you want. This will come out in the summer. You won't even have this guy. You'll be blocked on all social platforms by then.

So free. By then, you'll be fine. Oh, I see, I see. It's post-date. Yeah, yeah. But like, every year, there's somebody that I like. I see, I see. And I want to see them.

And then, you know. So is this a little bit of projection to you where you're like, you don't like when you get that way? When you get too available? Like you don't like the way you feel like that? No. Well, I'm not too available. I'm busy.

I see. And even when I'm not busy, I'm busy. Right. Yeah. You know what I mean? Girl. But it's like, it's better that way. I don't know if I could live with somebody.

Yeah. Because it's like. Yeah, me and my girl still got separate apartments. We still how long have y'all been together? Three years. But that's pandemic. You got to understand that forced us into a situation when we had to kind of, oh, fuck, we got to deal with each other. But it worked out. And I was like, damn, it worked out. Come on, it's just starting to go good for me. I'm on TV and now I have a girlfriend Eximal medication yeah Niggas shit hurt. Yeah skin clear gorgeous now. I'm up to get season two

Now I have a girlfriend I'm shaking hands withs! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on blue bloods! I'm on I think it's awesome. I feel the same house with separate rooms where it's like separate bathrooms to the bat yo Because y'all be getting beard hair and One thing I remember seeing in my father's house and him and his wife did have separate sex separate separate yeah separate showers on It's pretty ill okay I agree with all this and I also think everyone in this room except for eldest who was a happily married man has clear commitment issues like nothing We're saying is unreasonable Separate apartments

Yeah, I don't know I would say look into that baby that we room area now Can I pick you up tomorrow around 7? I'm gonna go home Or like get a duplex like and then you got a floor I got a floor Meet me for dinner Share your Google calendar with your husband like here the green highlighted days or when I'm available Interesting well we're not gonna get to the bottom of all of our mental issues here today our commitment issues But I do think we can at least try and help some of our listeners you guys say You guys want to bring your unhinged perspectives to these people? Absolutely.

That's why I came all the way to Greece. And before that we should say, do you guys have anything you wanna plug in particular? Yeah. What do we got? When does this come out? Oh, who knows? Oh shit, didn't it? I don't even know. Maybe July.

No, not July. July? Maybe. Oh, in July. I think June. June. You banked that that many episodes dog. I'm gone As soon as I'm done this week, I'm not coming back New York for I'm going to both I told you I'm going to fat camp. You're gonna go to fat camp Yeah, right. I'm gonna the next the next batch of podcasts you guys see I will be Hopefully 25 pounds less than this. Okay You're gonna be gone for six months and lose 25 pounds. It's three months.

How much a pound a day? It'd be hard. Yeah, that's doable. I could do six, you think 40? I feel like this podcast can get sponsored by Uzempic. No, I can't, I don't trust that shit. I wanna give it a couple, see if anybody dies, you know what I mean?

Right, it's still in beta Yeah, exactly is is you know, Chloe Kardashian gonna collapse collapse someday? Yeah, I'm trying to stay If that happens, you know, I'm trying to stay. I'm scared. With the collapsing. Kardashian. Anyway, I don't want that. Speaking of Chloe, rest in peace to OJ.

There you go. Her father just. Yeah. All right, P. All right, P. To another man. Derrick, is this hard as a member of the black upper class? I just. To lose OJ. It was tough, man, because they didn't show not one football highlight. To another man Derek is this hard as a member of the black upper class Naked gun he was a gun can't watch that. Yeah, he was a naked gun, can't watch that. It's just, he's a murderer, fine.

They say his son did it. He was covering for his kid. That is one of the theories. That is a take. My thing is he clearly murdered his wife. That's actually what I think it is. He clearly murdered the woman he had a pattern of physical abuse towards.

The other thing that we've talked about is that how you know the NFL as soon as he died had like Nuked his brain. Oh, yeah, like we are not letting you motherfuckers study And see what what bouncing around in 70s helmets It's fucked up we don't get to see how many Bars see a jar full of pickled eggs That is disgusting and that probably is what his brain looked like Go ahead and wow is it almost Mother's Day already? Huh? I feel like it was just Mother's Day yesterday

Well odds are if you're listening to this show you're not one of the favorite siblings in your family You're not the successful one shits not going good for you. You've probably blown your Mother's Day gift five years running. This is your chance to make it up to your mom. What does she want? She wants beautiful images of those she loves most. You could do that with Aura frames, all right? She'll love looking back at your childhood memories.

Even better, it's not just some flip book, it's a beautiful frame. Look at that, it's me and my friend Ian Fieda and it's not just some flip book, it's a beautiful frame. Look at that, it's me and my friend Ian Fieda, it's a dear friend of mine. Even better, it's got unlimited storage, an easy to use app, you can keep updating, you know, each, every time you get a new milestone. It's the gift that keeps on giving, okay? Maybe you finally got off pills. You can send your mama, you can take a picture

of your diploma from fucking rehab or whatever, alright? You can upload that shit. I got my mom one of these actually last year, so I'm fucked this year. I gotta, maybe I'll get her another one, I don't know. She loves it, I love mine, look at that. It's me and JP McDade. You can put whatever, it's stuff you love you put in this frame.

Me and JP, me and a fake Asian woman with huge tits. This is where I'm mailing this in. When they get AI Girl, this is sort of like the next level to the anime wife pillow thing. This is like, you can create your own no fuck JP there's me JP and Elvis and then a different lady with big fake fake lady with big tits so you know you put whatever you want on here that's the beauty of it and it's not just me that loves it Oprah Winfrey ever heard of her you fucking cretins it's one of Oprah's favorite things wire cutter you know when you have to buy

anything you know when you're like shit I need new sheets oh I need a fucking stepladder and you Google best thing and you're automatically go to wire cutter I don't know who the fuck these people are either but they got but I listen to them and they're always right and they said or is the best picture frame in its class or whatever the fuck they said. What exactly did they say, Elders? Why don't you go down? For fuck's sake, scroll, pal.

I saw it earlier. The point is it's good stuff. I fucking saw it. Number one digital picture frame by wire cutter the strategist and wired Wallstreet Journal, Forbes, high-end home design publications, you name it. This is your chance. Don't fuck it up Buy your mother an Aura frame or you're a piece of dog shit Aura has great deals for Mother's Day Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting Auraframes.com slash stavi to get $30 off.

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Sure, Marece, can you get them like a little closer? Oh, you're not getting these gems that I'm dropping? What's up, daddy? What's up, Elvis? Love the show. I listen every three episodes because I'm a cheap bitch. Duh, duh, duh, duh, dumb ass. Yeah.

Yeah. What's up, daddy? What's up, Elvis? What's up, Elvis? Love the show. I listen every three episodes because I'm a cheap she's one to her 50s but it's not like a sex thing. But the problem is that she's known as a person that complains about everything, literally fucking everything

and I'm the type of guy that someone needs to vent you know I'll go ahead and lend an ear but she calls me almost daily to vent about work, her kids, her mom, her ex and I just don't give a single fuck but I'm trying to be nice and lend an ear so I usually just end up putting her on speaker and just keep working because You can literally talk for an hour straight to herself Sometimes I don't even answer But it doesn't seem to discourage her and she's a VP so I feel like I can't tell her to fuck off

But it's to the point that she's texting me her problems Like even when I'm out with friends or hanging with my girl She just doesn't get the hint like I'll need to respond Think I got a text last night at 11 p.m. About how her kid isn't coming home for Easter I'm kind of afraid I've become some kind of emotional dog for her. Any idea how to get her to stop fucking talking to me? Thanks guys, close the show, please help.

Interesting. Wow, that sucks. Change your number. That sucks. He gotta switch jobs. Or change your whole job. Yeah, there's no. Because you're the VP.

Yeah. There's no way Because you're the VP. Yeah. There's no way around this unless you like, unless you get her to hate you. Right. Which will fuck your job up anyway. Right. Like is she, what kind of person is this? Is this like a, she's like in her 50s,

she's a VP of some company. She's like an MSNBC liberal, should you become MAGA? Just to throw her off the scent? Or is it the opposite? Is she like a Republican? You should start talking about how, you know, has she thought about a sex change? You know, let's get more immigrants in here.

Just like kind of hit them with their talking points. This sucks. I mean, the fact that you let this get this far is crazy crazy She's single. Yes, you need to get her a man. Oh The fix up Parent trap it that's Her ex or some or even just hire a male prostitute to just really fuck her. A gigolo.

Deuce gigolo. Yeah, an emotional gigolo. He goes in there and... Well, you can embezzle from the company so it's not on your dime. Right. Use her money to pay for her. The company's bought money to pay for a gigolo. And then if it comes back, you're like, this wasn't me.

Why would I buy this lady's... So she looks like she's stealing from the company to get dick you're in the clear in the clear that's what makes the scandalist a little bit yeah yeah I think that's a great idea I think that's what it is she's lonely she's lonely as hell yeah get her somebody in replacement and the kid ain't coming home for Easter so she double lonely money she's texting you at 11 o'clock at 11 o'clock yeah that's after hours she also does want to fuck this guy texting you at 11 o'clock at 11 o'clock. Yeah, that's after hours She also does want to fuck this guy for sure 11 o'clock. Absolutely. There's no way like if she's older

He's what 30 he said he said 28 28. Yes And that whole the kid not come home those are shooting a shot 11 o'clock text in general is just that's way and talking about family You got it. I think I think for the in front of media Change you got to be like listen my girlfriend. Oh Like you hit me up. She says Interesting me alone and that way I just that I love that because if she does want to fuck him It'll it'll also flatter her

The fact that the girlfriend sees her as a threat in this scenario would kind of flatter this lady. And it might be just enough. You might have thrown her just enough of a bone to get her off the scent. I still say embezzle money so she can get dick down. But to start with this. Well, you can do both. You can do both.

It's a two pronged approach. There's a B story. There's an A story and a B story. Listen, my girlfriend said, you gotta leave me alone. She don't like this. She said you need to get a man. Then you steal. Have you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And help her get a man. Yeah, so implant the idea and then she carries out the idea. That's great. That's dope. The girl over there is a great angle, actually. You said it's a good panel. I think we got it.

We actually did. It's been a while since. Good panel. I think we got it. We actually did, it's been a while since we've given good advice, I feel like. And this actually did work. So yeah, we knocked out of the park. Next question, Eldis. That's annoying. Have you guys ever had a very annoying boss

that just won't, or a coworker? Haven't had a boss in a long time. Yeah, I mean all bosses when you work for them. When you work for yourself, you're, I love me. I'm a great boss. I'm lean. Elders, don't answer this question. Elders, you do not get to answer this question.

Yeah, I hate when my boss tells me about his dick issues. He's like, fuck man, it can't get fucking hard. Yeah that must have been tough at your old job man. That must have been tough at CBS local radio when your boss was telling you about his dick because I don't know what the hell you're talking about. I kind of had a coworker situation like that where it was like, you You know you just started bonding with someone in the office when you sit close to them And sure you just started like shitting on other like dumbass people who you work with and you get closer But then just turned into like I'm just hearing about all her bad dates, and she's moving from Brooklyn, New Jersey

She's moving from Brooklyn, New Jersey. She was doing bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's tough. We're also there when the company was kind of dying, but it just kind of got resolved when we both got laid off on the same day. And you've never spoken to her since? No. Maybe a stress pillow, that's terrible.

But yeah, maybe if they both get laid off. Yeah, that's a good idea, get fired. Should I cue this up? Yeah. Elders of the show. Hey, Stav, hey, Elders of the show. Thank you. I've called in before about

feeling like I have compatibility issues with my long-term boyfriend, and I think I'm at a point now where I just don't see a future with him. And I'm really struggling to come to terms with that. Oops. Oops is hilarious. Go back. Oops. Oops.

Yeah, man. Yeesh. Yeesh. Yeesh. Yeah, Derek's like, you haven't even brought up moving in, it's been three years, you're like, this fucking dummy. Oops. Keep him at arm's length at all times. That's the solution. All right, let's play it, Eldis.

I have a point now where I just don't see a future with him, and I'm really struggling to come to terms with that and the love advice. So I've been with my boyfriend for four years. We met in college, and he, he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy.

And he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy. And he's a really good guy. I'm really struggling to come to terms with that and the love advice. So I've been with my boyfriend for four years. We met in college and he came with me to law school this past year and we've been living together and you know coming in I knew we had some compatibility issues like he's pretty messy, I'm pretty loud, it can be aggressive. But I just thought we'd work on that together

and now it's been a year of living together and we're always arguing and he's just he's so messy and he doesn't really make an effort to change and I just worry that I'll spend my life waking up after him and I think I'm just ready to end the relationship and that's kind of scary. She's fully crying. Yeah. I'm just ready to end the relationship and that's kind of scary She's fully crying. Yeah, I'm sure how to break things off with him and What word how to go forward? I mean we live together our leases up in The summer we learn I'll be spending with summer summer time just right from where we live So I would have to find an apartment to come back to essentially

And I just kind of feel bad He followed me here Super messy and uncomfortable, but I know like he's probably gonna be upset and that's fine I just don't know how to do it while for saying that like I still care for this person and I really respect him and I want him to have a good life going forward too so any advice you have on that would be great sorry for like kind of crying in the middle of this but I'm also a Patreon for like, put on my cover show. We gotta help this girl out. So I'm gonna tell her. Hey! She's gonna be like,

help yourself. She may get $7 a month. She's gonna follow the money. Damn, this is, I mean look. It's not that tough. I feel for them. We've all been here where it's like, when you're in the thick of it,

and it feels like the end of the world, and I get why she's crying, because she's like, it's basically, even this compatibility stuff, she just knows they don't want to be together. And it's like, it's basically, even this compatibility stuff, she just knows they don't want to be together and it's like, yeah, there's reasons for it, but it seems like there's something even more fundamental than that and it's like, once you know you don't want to be with someone, the little annoying shit gets so loud.

She kept saying he was messy. Sound like he dirty. Yeah, yeah. She did call in with a three-minute voicemail before that. I just never never got to but she was like just complaining about how they moved in together and he's messy as fuck They argue about it all the time. She started of cleaning up after him Yeah, and also she's in law school and she's acting like a mom back exactly The lease is up in the summer. We lit Do it do it now. Yeah Already you got to be a lawyer like we don't even does he work Yeah, I don't know. I mean even and the thing is like you're young as fuck you met in college

Yeah, the odds of even a perfect relationship Working when you meet someone you're like 20 or so low and I think in some ways It's good that you guys jumped right into it because it became so clear it's not gonna work. And there's a different timeline where he doesn't move with you and you guys kinda do long distance and that stretches out shit and you don't realize

for another three years that you guys aren't meant to be together. So as sad as it is right now, and it is sad, like I remember when me and my college girlfriend broke up That you guys aren't meant to be together So as sad as it is right now and it is sad right like you know I remember break you know when me and my college girlfriend broke up And we dated a couple years after and it was like you know that's all you really know and it's fucking you're you're really sad But then you know our lives were so different and in five ten years It's you're gonna be like like me looking back now. I'm 35 thinking if I had not broken up with that,

she's got a family, she's got her, she did all the shit she wanted to do, and I did all the shit I wanted to do. In 10 years, you're gonna look back at this and be like, oh yeah, this had to happen. So how do you do, and she agrees though, right? Because she said, I know it has to end, she's more asking about how to do it.

And there's no, I mean look, that's the other thing, it's not like it's easy to fucking break. Cause it's gonna happen. Yeah. And there's no, I mean look, that's the other thing. It's not like it's easy to fucking break up. You gotta rip the bandaid off. Yeah, rip the bandage. Do it on FaceTime. Yeah. Do it on FaceTime from the vacation.

It's not a complete cop-out if it's on FaceTime. It's not. I broke up with somebody on speakerphone once. Who's laughing in the back? It was me. He was like, hey, I'll come get my stuff. I said, oh, no, no, no, I'll put it in an Uber. Damn.

Oh, shit, his damn. It's like, you're going to come over here so we can have this conversation in person. I did it on the phone for a reason. Yeah, were you dating for a while or no? It was like a couple months, but he was like a very emotional dude. Oh, shit. Were you dating for a while or no? It was like a couple of months, but he was like a very emotional dude. A couple of months. Oh, shit. You can send it in the Uber for a couple of months.

You can send it in the Uber. Shit. I said, you home now? Parcel. Uber Parcel will be there. Uber Parcel. My mood will be there very soon. It's going to put it on this hot bag. It's on a rebel scooter. Yeah, it's hot because the next delivery is a pizza so your khakis are fucking steaming. The coals are on top of a hot pizza.

On top of a hot pot. So look, I don't know how to do it. You know, it's... Just do it. You sit him down and you guys obviously live together. There's no speakerphone in your future. It has to be it has to be in person, obviously. But because you are kind of lucky that the lease is up.

It is like a very it's a very like it has to happen. Is the universe telling you to do it? Yeah. So you do it maybe, I don't know, a month before the lease is up to give him plenty of time to figure his shit out. You're going to leave. She's leaving or do it a couple weeks before you leave I guess or right before week before you leave because she said she's going away for the summer So that motherfucking just have the place to himself until the lease is up and they'd be like I'm not renewing this lease I won't be back and then yeah, it's gonna be tough

But you kind of are kind of protected by the fact that you're leaving in the summer and the lease is up, right? You just cannot let it go past that. That's the only thing that's the only advice we can tell you and in terms of like specifics Unfortunately, this is just one of those things that sucks. Mm-hmm. It doesn't get easy You have to semantics and you have to just be like you have to also say we argue all the time I really care about you But I think it's clear that we're just not compatible at the next level of,

and that's what happens. Relationships are, some relationships are great when you see each other three times a month. Some are great when you see each other, you know, eight times a month, some are great when you live together, and then it just, at each level, either a relationship makes it or it doesn't until you either get married or you don't and this is clearly

You guys hit your threshold. So yeah, you just got and I think that it's important to be honest about why like I'm gonna give you the first line at a breakup ready. Here we go. Look We both know this isn't working How many times have you said that? Man. Look. That came out of Marie's mouth like Steph Curry shoots a jump shot. What?

Smooth. Smooth. Smooth. Water. That's water right there. Look. Because if I know, you know. And if you don't know, that means you dumb.

Either way, it's not working. It's not working. This is not happening. And she's like, he came all the way to law school. You dumb And she's like he came all the way to law school he moved here with me girl he can move back you move back Yeah, wherever he came from. Yeah, he'll be fine his homies will laugh at him. Yeah, if I was gonna I'd laugh my ass off For sure no, this is gonna be tough, but it's also like he moved there too, but he also never took criticism, constructive criticism about your shared living situation. And you're in fucking law school. It's not like he moved because you were like, you know, you just, you moved because-

It's not like you followed him. Yeah. It's not like you were doing- No, he followed you, that's wild. You're also doing something that takes a lot of, he followed you to something that's hard for you, right? And he became difficult, right? Like you're saying, she's in law school,

she's not trying to be like a mom. And the last thing you need when you're in school is to feel your fucking relationship crumbling because your partner who you thought was gonna be, is not completely not supportive, doesn't, and if he can't get it right now, when I'm guessing he's just working an entry level job and he's got a lot more time than you

because you're in school, it's just not, you know, it's all good. This shit happens, you don't feel guilty, you know, the fact that he followed you there is because you had a good relationship at the time It just didn't work out. You know this is reality You'll also gain some context and perspective when you're you know when you the older you get you'll be fine last line for the breakup

people break up every day be You tough right nigga? Get some Supersucks. Get this motherfucker some Supersucks. So I give you the first line, I give you the last line, and you just fill in the rest. Fill in the blanks. It's like break up Mad Libs. You're T.I. nigga. Yeah. Get some Supersucks. Yeah, get some Supersucks. Hey Stav, hey Guess. Just a quick one for you.

My best friend is moving in with me and she is a she and she's quite attractive and I know for a fact has no interest in me. And I was just hoping for some advice on how to approach not you know ruining a relationship by accidentally having a horny moment what and that's the thing wrong thing just just looking for advice should I have her move in a horny moment? Yeah, that don't sound good at all. This woman doesn't wanna be under attack in her home.

She's gonna wake up and he's gonna be just like jerking off into the building. That's weird, bro. Do that for her, for you. Dude, no. Y'all gotta be friends from a distance, baby. This is crazy, bro. She's quite attractive.

I know she has no interest in me. Yikes. Oh, dude. Yuck. That's, how do you not have a horny moment? What are you talking about? She's quite attractive. I know she has no interest in me yikes dude That's how do you not have a horny mo? What are you talking about? It sounds like he already has had like a horny moment Yeah, and it's like it seems like she kind of knows like why would she why would you like say yes to I don't want A victim blame here, but at the same time. Why would move in with this guy extra room you don't gotta worry about rent

of course he's simple now that's tough though now he's thinking about it like shit well sir stuff. I got a quick one for you because you already know what the is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. What the fuck you clear the fact that he's like, I know for a fact she has no interest means he's tried to fuck her already and gotten denied. And now he's owned and so like a friend's own man. Truly, the mayor of the friend zone.

Yeah, zoned. That boy is He redlined. Yeah, he's getting redlined out of pussy. That's a goddamn shame. That is a quine shame. Oh, fuck, dude. I mean, she clearly has no other options if she's moving in with you. Yeah, I mean.

Don't be weird about it Yeah But also you know We gotta, this is gonna air before You gotta text this guy not to move in with this girl Cause this is not gonna air in time I don't think Nah just give us an update after it does happen El this is worried about the content

Alright I guess that's true, good point If you've gone through with this, update us on how bad it's gone Hopefully not from jail Okay Somebody called Olivia Benson yeah don't please God don't ever general rule here's a general rule for everyone don't move in with anyone that you're afraid about having a horny moment in front of horny moment As said in the paragraph Yikes, you're healthy your home should be a place of refuge You should and also like like you like as fucked up as you don't want to subject anyone to

unwanted advances in their home, but also You want to be worried about that in your house? You can't be comfortable if they're, like think about how you act around a girl you wanna fuck. You're never comfortable. You're just like, you're always worried about your posture. You're like sitting weird on your own couch, trying to fucking watch fucking movies.

Trying to make the illusion of abs. Yeah. You get into contouring and stage makeup to fucking give yourself abs, but this is one of the worst Yeah, this is bad for like 700 different reasons, please don't do it don't do it Next question horny moment is so horny moment is insane Here's Tom, how's it going? Got a real conundrum on my hand Horny moment is so horny moment is insane. Hey there, stop. Uh, how's it going?

Um, got a real conundrum on my hands. Me and my brother, we grew up on a farm and, uh, long story short, uh, when we were growing up, he wasn't doing so great. He was, to be honest with you, kind of a loser. And he, uh, uh, I decided that I'd let him have the farm essentially when my father passed even though you know it was split 50-50 I went on to be a social studies teacher and I guess long story short we transitioned to organics and the farm has been making quite a bit more money and I go work on there

you know 50% of the time and But I would let him have most of it because you know here again He didn't have much going on for him. So I we started doing really well in the organic industry and we That's cut off, but you kind of get the idea. I don't he's trying to get his farm back What do you mean? I get the idea. I don't he's trying to get his farm back What do you mean? I get the idea I mean, I think I think he's calling like he gave his brother the farm when their dad died Even though like he was entitled to half of it now. It's doing well, but he wanted to have yeah I see I don't I don't know for sure. I mean, yeah, that is We have some way to make it right because because the farm started doing unexpectedly well, basically.

If that's his question, then I don't know, bro. He says he goes to work there 50% of the time. Yeah, it seems pretty messy, right? Legally, what's the situation? And I mean, it's not just about legal, it's about what you and your brother have, you have to talk to your brother and say what's fair. Honestly, me and my brother, I invested in his business

and we have a general agreement. We haven't even signed anything yet. I trust my brother. I don't know if this guy, if he's there, but his, at least me and my brother, talked very specific numbers, even though it's not written down, eventually we're gonna do it.

With this guy, I'm worried because it is a little nebulous right like he hasn't said like it's 50-50 But he's like I let my brother have it. I worked there some of the time You know I let him keep most of it like these are kids go off vibes and feeling with shit like this You have to actually sit down and have a real conversation, so I You know hilarious that this we have So, you know, hilarious that this, we have 3770 calls and now this is like, yeah, we don't really know what he asked, but the first 50 seconds were interesting enough. So I guess we'll just guess what the question is.

This is very overnitted thing. But if the question is, I don't even know. I guess what I would say is, talk to your and your money you guys have to have it's your money Get your happy draw a line down the morning the farm The farm and that's my side of farm But if you name on your side if his fucked up brother made the farm better I think it's fair for him to get a bigger percentage than 5050 if it wasn't doing well on the brother like for him to get a bigger percentage than 50-50. If it wasn't doing well and the brother revitalized it,

made it organics, if that was all his idea, then I think you should get a better share. Whatever share, whatever you think that is. Wait a minute, let me read this again. I want him to be a social studies teacher, I guess. He's a social studies teacher, he needs the money. He does need the money.

Transition to organics. So the brother did okay. Yeah, the brother's the one who did the work, right? But the brother was able to do the work because he gave him the farm. Not really, he had 50% of the farm though. Right. Like this is our caller here, that's his spin.

But think of it, let's say I'm the brother. I'm like, my brother fucked off and went to teach social studies. Social studies before. Because he thought I was too fucking stupid to run a farm. I took that opportunity and made it a cash cow. And now that it's successful, he wants to come back and get 50-50 successful he wants to come back yeah but I think he still goes to the farm he

says he's there and that's why this is a bad question that Elders should not have picked because we have no idea what he's asking literally and even what he said we're not exactly sure what he's getting at Crockford? It is. Yeah. This is a conundrum. A conundrum. This is a real conundrum.

Just more top-notch producing from eldest. For a real conundrum. Wow. This is a social studies lesson. I mean, we have literally 3,000 calls. And you pick one that is not finished. I feel like we rarely get farm questions. You're right.

It was a farm. It's a farm. I don't feel like we really get farm We rarely litigate Cultural legal issues So, I mean it sounds it sounds like the caller is the loser now not the brother exactly It's like can you stop teaching social studies and it's your brother Hopefully social studies and can you try to go into business with them? And it's your brother, hopefully. I'm like, what is social studies? Social studies stunk. Like, social studies, I can't remember.

Like, Revolutionary War? It's like history. 1776? But what's history then? History was history. Social studies is like... No, social studies is like... Sociology.

Yeah, I hate social studies. It's all that shit together. It's like for high school kids, you know? I think, yeah, I think, I mean, there's no pure history class in elementary and middle. So I think social studies kind of is all those humanities wrapped up into one. Like phonics. So yeah, either way, either way, I guess it just comes down to have a conversation with

your brother and be like, I want to get back in here. And maybe you should discuss what the split should be. If he's okay with it being 50-50, if he's that good a guy. But I don't feel like the brother gonna be like, because the brother made the farm dope, he gonna let me kiss my ass. If I'm the brother, I would be like, okay, if you really wanna get back in here,

I just need a little bit more of a percentage. 40-60. 60-40, 70, whatever, 30, whatever the fuck it is. You guys can figure it out. They'll work it out So yeah, good luck little buddy. I Guess I don't know. I hope we answered your question again. We're just guessing Let's play another one big L's hey Stavi and eldest

I'm a 33 year old man and I've been smoking weed since I was probably 21. I smoke every day mostly. I don't like take dabs or like do any wild shit. I mostly just like smoke joints and freeze pipes. I got a freeze pipe. There we go. But anyway, my question is, in reality, like I'm free spice. I got a free I see you Anyway, my question is in reality like I'm a super productive person. I get a ton of shit done every day. I Work out. I'm healthy. I eat healthy. I go on runs. I take my dog to the park. I stop bragging I mean a fulfilling happy relationship like But like I have this weird like maybe it's from my childhood like some Christian guilt shared like I don't know is but I feel guilty about smoking weed lately and it kind of came out of anyway I guess my

question is if there's something wrong with smoking weed every day if you're still productive and like get things done and live a full happy life Thank you. Bye. Bye. Bye. Well, first of all, this is another thing This is another problem of the narrator here who's like my life's perfect I would love a panel of three of your closest friends to let us know if you are indeed as productive as you claim you are Because I know a lot of potted they're like, oh dude, I'm getting a lot of shit done. And they're not. They do it one thing a day.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I do two things in one day, I'm like, yo, I'm thinking tomorrow off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I go celebrate by smoking one week. Yeah. So much shit. But, you know, in general,

in general, no, what the fuck? We're not a prudish show here. We don't judge anyone for whatever the fuck they do. I think a little, you know, if you smoke weed every day but you do all your shit, it's kinda like somebody who has a drink every night or like, you know, it's like, is it the healthiest for you? Probably not, but everyone has their own little vice. And if you have this thing and you still feel good

about everything and it's not fucking your body up in other ways And yeah, yeah, but he doesn't feel good about it. So I think you probably in your perfect life. Maybe smoke less Maybe not every day but smoke for the important stuff Yeah Not just all the time The dinners, the sex, like, smoke weed for the important thing. Put it in the air. Not just all the time. Don't wake and bake. Yeah, healthy eating and all that shit.

Does he say he just, he smokes every day? He doesn't like... He said he smokes every day. He's not even doing dabs and crazy shit. Right. He's 21, smoke weed every day. Okay, so, yeah, that's interesting. That's a good point that he does, on some level, feel bad about it. I guess my thing would be, if the only guilty thing is some weird morality thing that's left over from dumb church bullshit, then I say keep smoking.

But if there is some kind of deeper, because I remember thinking this way. I was smoking weed a lot last year, and I was productive from like a work standpoint But I knew on some love I did feel bad about you on some level it was and I do I've been I've been sober so far this year and And it's just I feel better and yeah, I miss smoking weed and I was productive technically now I didn't have my whole life figured out like I was was very unhealthy overall and it's a health thing for me.

But there's been other times in my life where pretty much everything's going good and I do get fucked up a lot, but I manage it. And there is that part of me that's like, yeah, but if I wasn't smoking weed, I would be even more productive. Or I would just feel even better. It's probably a mix of that.

So I think probably what you should do here, buddy, is at least give yourself two months with no weed. Take a break. Feel what that feels like. Shit. Especially if you're 20, if you haven't, if it's been every day since you're 21, you might just want to know what it, you don't even know what it's like not to smoke weed anymore, which is kind of crazy. I mean, the dog don't smoke, so yeah. You know he's blowing smoke in that nose face. That's true. That dog's caught some wild contact yeah the dog be doing dabs But yeah I I mean part of the reason I went I'm I'm going sober this year because I thought about I was like The last time I was fully sober for a year. I was 12 years old

You know what I mean, and it's like damn. That's a long time Yeah, but the days you're drinking a little you're getting you're getting kind of fucked up You know, that was the first time At the Greek festival getting drunk as fuck when you're 13 years old but Yeah, so I think yeah Here's what you do you take a break and a real break not a cup not a week not like at least a month At least a month two months. I would say is a safe thing

Yeah two months is you really want to get that shit out your system and see how it feels And if you're like and maybe if you can stand it three months and just really give yourself as big a sample size as You feel like you can do and if it feels better Then you're like and then if you feel great, maybe don't go back. But if you're like I like this And then if you feel great, maybe don't go back. But if you're like, I like this, but I still think I could fold weed back into it, then just play around with it. See if you're a weed, like you're saying, unimportant.

Maybe on the weekends, you're a weed guy. Maybe you smoke weed. You know, two times a week. Maybe you figure it out for yourself. But the only way to figure it out, whether that's guilt is just like dumb, you know, leftover church stuff or it's real because you feel like you're not living up to your potential. The only way you figure that out

is with a real control group period, which is full sobriety for a while. So. Yeah. I'm not smoking this month. Good luck. Nice, really? Yeah.

I mean, I'ma smoke on Saturday, for sure. 420. Well, that is in the month. Yeah. That is in the month. I smoked. But I'm saying I haven't been smoking month. I smoked, I smoked early in the day. And I don't feel bad. Well I mean I'm still high, I'm still eating edible.

I'm just not smoking weed. I'm ingesting weed. I am not smoking it. That's what you do. I'm drinking TFC drinks. Yeah, yeah. I should make some can of butter. Shut the fuck up.

You'll be right here. Make some eggs with some wheat butter. There you go, bull. That's true crackhead. When you're making an omelet with wheat butter, that's one of the most fucked up things I could ever imagine. That's called being an adult. Adulting style.

You fucking addicts. You fucking addicts with You addicts with You addicts with commitment issues. No problem seeing weed everyday Humory, but god forbid a man you love wants to hang out. Who said anything about love?

Not us, said the cat. That's right. Hang out You guys got to figure it out never mind No, I'm wrong. You're right What do you got here eldest you got a nice one here for us Hello stop hello eldest hello guest long story shorter I'm going through a friend break My best friend from childhood. She told me she can't come to my wedding a month before my wedding. I got really upset

I kind of called her out because it's a bullshit answer like you couldn't find coverage for your shift at the retirement home bar she just got a real job home bar the bar not even the home boxed wines on the edge this is a secret let's just say this great retirement home that is pretty cool is there in Florida?

it's across from Diddy's house there you go but that is also hysterical you could find somebody to cover your shit at a retirement home bar bitch but every word just made it worse She's putting she's putting Jameson in applesauce for these old people All right, let's see what else this lady has to say here Elders. Leave your dentures in the bowl.

Soaking the dentures. That's awesome. Dentures on the rocks. A month in advance when you knew about the wedding for a year. She got really angry about that. She cursed me out. She told me she was gonna block me. I blocked her first because I don't have time for that. She called my mom immediately afterwards to try to like get my mom on her side. What? That was weird. My mom handled it well. I tried to just forget about what happened a couple days ago. She messages me on whatsapp

Repeating every single thing again I'm sorry for what she did. She's not gonna apologize that I'm crazy people should yell at me more And then she sent me ten voice memos Okay, so I blocked her there My sisters So I don't know questions about the friendship the friendship is over How do I get this girl to leave my family alone? She's literally like on a rampage trying to

emotionally manipulate any family member of mine that she can and for taking her side and Fucked up and it's very sad and now it's two weeks before my wedding. So Just wondering what you would do to Get her out of my life permanently so I can live my best life Hmm, I would say you mail an envelope to her home that says congratulations you've just won free tickets to the gathering of the Juggalos, which I'm assuming she's a huge fan of. And then it's actually just a oneway ticket there and you just leave her there

There's no way she has the resources to get home That's what I that's what I would do This is fucking in. This is some of the most fucking trash Trash behavior I've ever like mom the sisters trying to get bits on her screaming saying it's not my fault It's like voice and I was about to be like well her screaming saying it's not my fault. It's like voice And I was about to be like well any yeah, that's That's for the Barbados to send you glittering That's really not for this sort of thing. WhatsApp.

WhatsApp. So go up. How long have they been friends, did she say? Since childhood. Since childhood. But I am... Okay, a couple little context clues here. Okay.

Retirement, home bar, plus her friend's behavior. This to me feels like a pretty white trash friendship And that this girl's probably 20 getting married They're probably not because this is behavior. That's not I Mean if a 35 year old is baby with this a 30 year old baby Even if if anyone on over the age of 25 is behaving with this that's crazy, but I guess it's not another realm of possibility Is real what's the what's the area code just we won't say it but just out of curiosity Yeah, okay sense yeah, yeah a trash place folks, let's just say that and I'm more familiar now

place folks let's just say that and I'm more familiar now yeah these are the whites Derek's family look down on from their suburban go-go truck. The dirty whites. Um, yeah, this is fucking nuts. Yeah, but your family is your family. Yeah. And you have a wedding coming up in two weeks. Like, they should, in my mind, all be taking your side. But I think she, I don't even, I don't think it's that. It's that, how do you get this person to stop behaving this way? Like, she's just like, at this point, this person is a menace.

Right. How do I get her to just fucking leave my family alone? Which is tough. I mean, has she done anything illegal? We don't really like to promote going to the cops on this show. No. But has she done anything, can you get a restraining order or some shit?

I don't know. How is she so, how does she have all this time to curse you out and call your family when she can't get her shift cover to work? You can't get that shift cover to work. You can't get the shift at the retirement home bar covered, but you have time to send me ten voice memos. Yeah, this is fucking nuts. I'm trying to think of anything, if I've experienced anything close to this, I don't think so So I mean hiring fucking this sucks but hiring Pro like this kind of person this kind of person now might show up to the wedding to break it up, right? so like I'm more worried about the like I

I'm struggling to find any inform like advice other than you just have to wait a person like this out You like it's it'd be insane if she continues to do this for Months and months and years even like for the wedding you might literally consider hiring security Absolutely, because you don't want this fucking lunatic coming you gotta put her picture up in front of every entrance Yeah, like don't let this person. Yeah, you don't want to shadow better. Yeah, you don't want her crashing into your wedding cake on her uncle's dirt bike. Yeah. Just, uh, yeah. God damn, this is fucking, I mean, I would consider a restraining order if she's talking about like abusive

Date violent shit, but in terms of just emotionally how do you letting how do you let I mean? You're gonna have you're gonna have to have your mom talk to her cuz I don't think she'll curse your mother out Ten voice memos, but I think you don't have to have your mom talk That's really as some psychological family still right but you just got away till after the wedding some lying is a good point having your mom who she seems to respect be like look what we're gonna work this out you guys just need to chill right the wedding go off as planned and we'll figure this shit out right and just let it cool off and then you know since she's gonna miss the wedding whatever aunt is shooting on an iPad

I also feel for because I get like yes, it's almost like the easiest way to handle someone like this is to semi appease them, but She doesn't deserve that. You know what I mean? That's the hard part. She doesn't deserve it, but also you don't deserve your wedding to get destroyed by her.

Sabotaged. So that's why it's like send the mom in, have the mom be like, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill. Yeah. Put like a, put a date on the books for like, after the wedding for y'all to talk. Yeah.

And then if you don't want to talk to her, don't show up. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But unfortunately, this is the kind of thing that you have to wait out. These lunatics are not gonna just fuckin', you can't reason with her. You can't be like, hey, this is crazy how you're behaving

because she's being a fuckin' bitch and you just have to tell your, I mean, it's crazy for her to get all your family members involved, but you just have to be like, block her, please don't engage with her. You have to be apologetic and it sucks that she put you in that position,

but that's all you can do. And yeah, a fucking insane friend, that's crazy. It's crazy. I'll have a drink at the retirement home bar. Anything short and fun for us to go out on here eldest Or was that your big and would bang or was that your big closer? Okay, stop here. No. No here. I got one. Okay So it was your big closer

Let's see you scramble Let's see you scramble. I love this. I love when we put you on the spot Let's see you scramble. I love this. I love when we put you on the spot You say that I'm not seeing a lot of action on the Google voice page, I mean it's like 98 All right, here we go What's up guys? Stop Elvis. Yes What's up guys? Sup, stop, eldest, yes. This is just a response to the guy,

they call him live show, or the Kush Brothers episode about what's the benefits of having foreskins. European girlfriend, I am circumcised. And I get so much shit for it. Like she makes fun of my dick. All of her friends have their foreskin. So the benefits are the rest of the world that has their fucking foreskin.

We don't in the States. And we look fucking stupid to them. So if being an American was even better, or getting made fun of for everything that we've done, like Trump and politics and bombing the whole world. On top of that, we snip our cocks. So we're looking fucking stupid. Also every piece of great art that shows cock they have four skins great We look fucking stupid. That's the great not being circumcised. Thank you

So just an ally to the unclips community have a great and we're happy to have you That's what I like, you know a a traitor to his clipped, his clipped cock brethren. Come along to the natural side, my friend. We're doing research on how to get it restored for you. You know how Hot Topic managers stretch their earlobes out with gauges? We're figuring that technology out for your snipped foreskin. They're doing a lot of work with stem cells. Yeah, where the skin rebuilds itself.

It's grabbed. It's a skin graft of some sort. That's beautiful, Eldestnake. We used the DNA from Frohler. Yeah, we could do that. We could get an animal with a similar foreskin. The way they use pig heart valves for heart transplants. That's crazy.

Ew, pig dick. I don't know about pig, but you know. Don't touch me with that. I'm kosher. I'm Muslim. I can't do it. So yeah, thank you. Not pig dick. Thank you for coming out strong for the

Uncircumcised community my friend And I love that his European girlfriend makes fun of his dick. That's awesome, but also has seen all her friends And we're happy to have her too. All her friends. It's so funny. They have four skin parties. I guess I'm hoping. Something.

What I'm hoping is happening is that they're all like, you know, having drinking or whatever or having dinner or whatever. And she's like, my fucking dumb boyfriendfriends clipped and all her unclip boys like Fucking pussy. I think it's something like that. I hope she has Yep beautiful, so that's nice that is a nice heartwarming note to go out on eldest. Thank you very much Derek Marie, thank you so much for coming great And yeah, do is there anything you do want to plug? Well, if you come out and go first. Well, I host the live dating show Why Are You Single. Yeah, so funny. I meant to ask shit about that. And then we

just started talking about Derek's suburban childhood and we were off to the races. We were like home alone, you're richy rich. No, I'm Kevin McCallister. You're Montana Max. Yeah, why are you single? I'm doing that in New York once a month. I'm doing it in a couple different cities in the fall I think, so out for that and then you know come find me on Instagram it's Reezy R-E-E-E-Z-Y I love it see you there. Derek? Yeah well I'm doing a lot of touring this summer so whenever this comes out you catch me on tour with Pete Davison

and I'm also still doing stuff for like our tour is over by the time this comes out the fourth tour with no need for apologies to be over but we'll still be booking dates to look for us in a cool part of town and follow me on Instagram at the great boy T H yeah our EATB oh I and we had a great episode with your partner oh they have a funny shit have a funny shit and we had one of our first episodes with you you and Matteo to some great Those are some great vintage episodes of Stavis World, folks. Classic episodes. Yeah.

We'll see you next time. Thanks for watching. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.