Stavvy's World - #77 - Clare O'Kane and Brittany Carney

Episode Date: May 20, 2024

Clare O’Kane and Brittany Carney join the pod to discuss bi women’s biggest kink, why Japan is so horny, big cuts of meat, and much more. Clare, Brittany, and Stav help callers including a guy whose girlfriend smells really bad down there, and a dad who’s wondering the ethics of pawning his kids off on his family so he and his wife can attend adult parties. Visit https://thefreezepipe.com/ and use promo code STAVVY for 10% off you entire order. Say goodbye to harsh smoke forever. Listen to Clare O’Kane’s album ‘Everything I Know How To Do’ on PFG Records and everywhere you stream music: https://prettygoodfriends.com/clare Watch Brittany Carney’s special ‘That Is My Horse’ on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBkpX4TIi3w Follow Clare O’Kane on social media: https://www.clareokane.com/ https://www.instagram.com/clareisokane Follow Brittany Carney on social media: https://www.brittanycarneycomedy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/brittany.goblin.carney/ https://www.facebook.com/brittanyrcarney https://www.youtube.com/@Brittany.goblin.carney Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Oppa! Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World. 904-800-STAV. Call in. We'll solve all your problems. We have an expert panel here. Very happy to have two of my pals, Claire O'Kane. Nice. Give us, say hello. Hey, brother. Very nice. And we have Brittany on, in on the couch looking nice Yeah I like the I like the difference you like that. There's several faces

So it's kind of like it's cool abstractly could be a lot of bodies in one. I like animal print I'm an animal print guy. I trust that about you. So without I feel like subconsciously I was like I'm going to go for a pattern. I think you're a pattern. Thank you so much. Thank you for someone dressing up for the fucking podcast. I put on a bra. Thank you. I appreciate you not letting them swing. So church bells and do they swing? Do you teach first question? Do your kids? We do a hard-hitting interview show here. I tell you one of the first times I met you. Yeah, I said something about wearing a bra.

We were doing that conversation 15 minutes thing and I was like, oh man, I'm wearing a bra for the first time in a long time. And you look at me and you go, I ain't mad at it. I go, this is fucking god. I think it was a good choice. Your own camera. They looked good. He's trying to foster community into the comedy in the comedy space. I was trying to make my female coworkers feel appreciated.

Is that so bad? We can't even tell a woman she's beautiful anymore without getting written up by HR. You know, I only quit for like five years. Yeah, I remember that. That was awesome. The Comedy Central thing. I just remember being like, wow. This five minute digital only Comedy Central thing. To the moon from here. Where was that? That was at the The what was it?

Little field yeah, this is before being on the internet even matter well What's funny is right right? Comprehensive almost was right almost that was the right thing to do and then they didn't they just did a little bit of it And by the time it was the right move they were out of it.. It was just, whatever. I think it stopped existing, but. Yeah, and mine was in COVID, so there were 22, it was outside. Outside? It was outside?

In the courtyard. And there were 22 people in the audience, because of social distancing, and it sounds and looks like it. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah, it's awesome, they caught that on camera.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, there were 20 people with like PPE equipment. It was really like... Yeah. They treat us like dogs. They did. We were all in the kennel. We had pizza. You know, they paid like $400.

It was like, didn't pay shit. They put so much makeup on me. I looked different ethnically. Yeah, yeah, you definitely did. You were in kabuki makeup. That was hilarious. It was like, we were the first people to do digital only and Comedy Central didn't do it. And sorry guys, this is boring. We won't do much more comedy talk. But before that, it was like, it was like, that was like the equivalent of like the premium blend or before that was Adam Devine's house party.

And the last the people before us got to go to Hawaii, right? Get a vacation and they got paid like 15 grand. And then for us, they're like, hey, we'll get you an Uber and we'll pay you $400. But hey, it changed my career. I do like that I was something is there's like because I'm bald and toothless in that and so I like that that's a time capsule of the toothless look. But you know, oh yeah, that's very interesting. Gals, but can I stop you right there? It just feels like you're the kind of gal who needs to know about our sponsor, FreezePipe.

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listen, we have some other digital projects, huh? We got a special, right? We got an album, let's plug our stuff. Britney, Britney, Karnie, what's your what and I didn't say your last name I just said Brittany's here, and I just realized not everyone who's watching is friends with Brittany like we are her name is Brittany Carney Thank you. I forgot your name and I sexualized Claire I

Think I probably talk about your husband's penis when he was on to be fair it goes both ways on stop his world But you got a special out special out so where should I look wherever you want Just gaze into Elvis' eyes. You're doing great, Brittany. He's zooming in. I think I'll just sit up here first so I can clean it. Yeah, my special's on YouTube. It's called, um, That Is My Horse. Half an hour on YouTube. Please watch it. It's on there. How are people liking it?

I think they're liking it fine. My dad sent me almost manic texts, especially because a week has gone by and he hasn't seen it. And so yesterday he sent me a message that was like very effusive but with like four exclamation points behind each sentence and I'm like they didn't tell the boomers that you can't you can only is one yeah like accolade right anyway so yeah my dad likes it exclamation points guy no that's like a very subdued I don't know your family other than through your Instagram stories

Oh sure, but they seem to be very subdued Asian black Perfect punctuation, but he kind of went off. So interesting. My dad likes my dad likes it. I think that's good getting Reception I could use more reception. Yeah, thank you so much of course like subscribe like yeah, and you have an album I got an album coming out May 16 nice. This will probably it'll probably is May 16th by now. It's coming out Yeah, it's actually out probably I don't know eldest. What's the calendar say? No fucking cold diet cokes don't know when We're not that far away. What a fucking awesome producer, man. No fucking cold diet cokes. Don't know when the fucking episode is coming out.

God damn it. You got some open spots around there, right? I'd say within two to four weeks of that date, they should be out. Plus or minus. And we'll promote Brittany's special. Sorry guys, we do this ahead of time. I'm on my phone I'm on my little I'm on my little

wellness journey You know, I've been in Baltimore. I'm only coming up here to pod. So, you know, we got it. We got a life Yeah, it's really November 20 23 Salute salute to President Trump. We always knew you got you had it in you, sir So far in advance what if another 9-eleven happened and then they're going why isn't stop roast talking about no one's gonna want our that ran That would be awesome you know intro well, we yeah, we I would cut in Cut in you do a tribute in. You do a tribute.

I would do a tribute. I'd be like moment of silence. And I would if it was a clown car, I would maybe spray all this in the face with a little I would solemnly spray all this in the face with a little seltzer water out of my rose. Although I guess that would be the they would be the terrorists. The clowns would be the terrorists. Maybe that would look wrong. Yeah, I don't know. Well, I don't know what they, look, did they have a point?

You know what I mean? Maybe I'm on their side. They might in a couple years. Well, let's, again, did Biden rig it again? And that's the only way we could get the truth out there is by driving a clown car into the Washington Monument. I'm lost. Yeah.

What are you guys talking about? I just had a bad rib that Stavi had to kind of add on to. No, no, no, I'm lost. What are you guys talking about? I just had a bad riff that Stavi had to kind of add on to. No, no, no. I'm in. I think it was a good riff and I'm in there. So anyway. Wait, it's cool to see this up close. I've been curious.

Who did this? It's a mural. My sister-in-law. She's an artist. Oh, really? Cool. Yeah. It's very nice. Yeah. You just can't beat hand-painted Greek mural stuff.

That's just a nice dick right here. Do not do graffiti on my shoe. It gives the room a warmth. Yes, I like it. I want it to feel like a trashy little restaurant. Yeah, definitely. Oh, perfect. I love that.

That's the vibe. Anybody here ever work in a restaurant? I worked in like, I worked in coffee shops. That makes sense. That's so a thing you would do. That's all you. But also I feel like you'd be bad at making the coffee. Well, well, I'll tell you what I was for sure. I wasn't bad at making the coffee Okay, I think because I was like excited about it. I was like steam drinks. Yeah, and I got good at foaming soy milk This is when soy milk was still the king right before King, right, before Oat and Almond. He had no idea what was around the corner. But I was terrible at the register

and like doing any kind of coffee shop accounting. So at the end of the summer, I got let go before I had to go back to college because I messed up the cash register. But what he didn't know, what Jesse with long hair, who was in a punk band, my manager at the time, he didn't know is that I was. A punk band, that was your authority figure?'t know is that I was a punk band for that

Was your authority figure? Yeah, I'm gonna guess white guy named Jesse long hair That was the man You know like a newsboy cap over like he had long hair, but then it was probably self-conscious about Berlin so he put on a News white cap and anyway, I look Boy cabbing Yeah, I got a newsboy cap and anyway, I That's a great look The newsboy cap Have you ever worked? You were stealing from the cash register? No, no, no

You were just bad at your job? Cause that would have been cool If I stole? No, if I stole it was without realizing it Just maybe miscalculation So, I think I was good I've stolen from every job I've ever had Like you're supposed to What's at I've stolen from every job I've ever had. What's your biggest come up from the job?

I'd rather not say. Oh nice. Lauren Michaels Rolex. Let's just say I got a size 5 Gucci loafers. She's got the cowbell Will Ferrell was playing. Size five Gucci loafers She's got the cowbell will ferro was playing she's got it in her house I worked I've worked at a place called the oinkster. Hell. Yeah, and in LA like pork

pork-based When I first moved here, I worked at a butcher shop. That's hot. A meat monger. Love that. I wanted to be a butcher but it was too much work. Too much work? You had to get trained and shit like that. Yeah, yeah. But I wasn't, they wouldn't let me cut the meat. You just wanted to fucking take a big ass thing and go bop bop bop bop. Yeah, I know what you mean.

You have to be trained. You have to be trained. You have to learn shit. Like what knives do you use for what? What knives? What body parts are what? Oh sure. How to cook the butt, the butts of animals. Oh I know how to cook a pork butt. Yeah, yeah. Low and slow baby. Let that go overnight.

Why? Because it's dry? No, it's quite the opposite. I know you're the meat monger. But it's so fatty. Oh, oh, oh. Put it down and it's all fat. And if you over, if monger, but it's so fatty. Oh, oh, oh. Put it down and it's all fat. And if you over, if you do it quickly, it gets too chewy. Yeah.

But if you, that's what pulled pork is made of. For my money, you wanna get it before it becomes pulled pork and it's just a succulent piece of meat. I still want a little chew on my pork butt personally. You want some give. I want a little give. I want it to fight me a little bit. I like choking on the fat.

Hell yeah, now we're talking. Now we're talking. Speaking of my man's penis. No way. Does Nick have a big penis? I would. You know what's so funny? He's like, if Stavros, he said,

if Stavros asked if I have a big penis, tell him I said yes. He knew. He knew what kind of show this was. Shout out to Nick Nanny, friend of the pod. We're going to have him on a free episode as well. He's cut, it's long, it's fine. But I worked at a butcher shop. But before I was a meat monger, I had to. I'll just put a pic, put his picture up during this conversation so everybody knows.

Put a face to the... To the slog. To the oinkster. There he is. No, just do it in post, motherfu- We know what Nick looks like. You don't have to look him up. Alright, we'll plug it in. God damn.

Get him off my screen, I don't want to look at him his whole time. We have a real selection, There's like 16 thumbnails. Getting too wet. Get him off my fucking screen. Thank you. What is it? I was like a... What are those called? Porters? The people who clean stuff. Porters? Isn't that in trains?

When they fucking take your bags? Motherfucker. In New York. I think it's like a clean, I had to clean all the meat grinders and shit and I had to like sweep away blood into the drains. Wow. But you didn't get to cut shit. Eventually they taught me how to break down chickens.

Which is really helpful. So you can take a whole chicken and just. You apply that to today? To today? Yeah, definitely. That's awesome. How long? Go ahead, Brittany.

Well, did you guys, okay, this coffee shop job I was talking about, we had a. Yeah, let's go back to Jason. Yeah, we also had to learn to break down chickens. And so we, the textbook, we had a textbook. We had to pass a test, the beginning of the shit. Whoa, that sucks. It was about like, yeah, it did suck.

Cause it was like coffee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like coffee, like what kind of beans are grown where? I quit immediately. Does your job have anything formal like that? Or are you just like, I had to know where the meat came from and what, and if somebody asks like,

it's like a rich person. It was in Park Slope. Oh, kind of a fussy woman You could have lied to her. Yeah, I don't know just put in the fridge. Yeah Just totally completely directions. Yeah, but yeah, you'd have to like learn how to cook meat. How long were you there? About a year. Mmm. Not enough time to really get any knowledge No, but I got a lot of free meat. Free meat. And then I'm dropping a dry aged steak on the floor on accident and I go, oops, I gotta

take this home. That's 24.95 a pound. That's 24.95 a pound. Last I checked. That crusty meat. Oh, I love that shit. It's so good. Tastes nutty. Yeah. It's awesome. I'm trying to get into dry aging. I've talked about how I really, I wanna work for five years and then just abscond somewhere and grill. And just become a meat guy. Opening up a restaurant with a little butcher shop attached, that's the dream.

What would you call it? Fat Stavs. What'd you get? Fat Stavs. Fat Stavs. Fat Stavs. Fat Stavs. Fat Stavs, oinker, Oinkster.

I'm going to try to. I'm going to buy the Oinkster name. But yeah, I don't know. Where was Oinkster? Oinkster was in Eagle Rock. In California. Yeah, that's right. I think Fat Stavs, Fat Stavs, Meats and Meats and Seafood, maybe.

How about Oinker? I'm so bad at ripping it, it sucks. I don't know, I think I talked about this on SOTAR's podcast. I think we had a different name for it, but I also was thinking I would consider maybe, maybe doing a dessert restaurant after my mom called Lil V's. That's nice.

Because she makes a real nice cookie. That's nice. Oh yeah, yeah real nice cookie. That's nice. Oh yeah. Yeah, she's a great. What's her cookie of, what's her? It's called the Melo Macaro, no? And it's like a Greek olive oil orange peel. Oh.

Yeah, it is vegan. It's technically vegan. Oh, interesting. As long as you, I mean, if you give a fuck about bees, I guess it's not, but vegans suck my dick if you care about bees. What are we doing? They're fucking bugs for Christ's sake. But everything else, it's olive oil, it's fucking, you know what I mean? That's not an animal, I really believe that.

No, no, no, no, no. They're bugs for Christ's sake. They're fucking bugs. Grandpa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you could use like apple honey or whatever, but yeah, it's a vegan cookie. Oh, apple honey. Have you seen this thing that you can use? It's just a bullshit thing. I keep getting like pectin I was just gonna say I keep getting this ad on my Instagram for a thing that you can you can help bees when you see

A bee struggling on the street Really oh I like that hey listen, I'm not a monster. I'll help a bee, but I'm saying let him make honey Does it hurt him to make honey? Revival that's pretty it's like what's that shit that you they give you now Narcan That's a be they got into some fentanyl I love an olive oil dessert. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah Well during the holidays, we'll get you a nice batch of These melon macarons out of the side of fat stops right on the side of fat stops

What it is that's premium meats and seafood? I'm gonna wear I'm workshopping it that sounds pretty Meats and delights of the sea maybe delicate fat stops delights of the sea maybe? Delicatessen. Fats, staves, delights of land and sea. No, I need premium meat. Fats, staves, delights is actually great. Fats, staves, delights is actually a great.

Fruit. Fruit of the sea. Fats, staves, delights of the land and fruit of the sea. Delights of the land and fruit of the sea. Delights of the land and fruit of the sea. Yeah, that really rolls off the tongue. One long sign that kind of goes around. But it would be good. It would be good.

Where would that be? Probably East Baltimore, if I... Southeast Baltimore. Okay. You know? You're gonna have the little... What do you call these? Curlies? The Greek key. What are they called? The Greek key.

The Greek key? That's right. That's right. The Greek pubes. Yeah Yeah, that's exactly what my pubes look like. Settle down, eldest. Ow, ow! They hurt. They're pointy. They hurt big time. But yeah, so that's what I was... so yeah, it's interesting because no one... you do feel like You would not like... everything about you says that you were a vegan At least for some point in time. Yeah, are you kidding me? Just cuz I got short short hair and like short hair the tattoos these tattoos

Yeah, you know, but I'm Filipino. It's like we live on Did you guys ever do like a pig roast? I did that at my wedding too. Fuck yeah. And my aunt, I told my aunt I wanted a big pig and she was like, that's gonna freak people out. I'm like, this is my ethnicity. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dead pig freaking people out. Yeah, of course, and it's cool. We do the whole lamb on Easter. It's so good. I'm pissed because I'm gonna be in LA on Easter and I wanted to host Easter for the first time and cook a whole big-ass lamb myself next year hot on a spit spit outside on the not on the balcony it would probably be in Baltimore right where I have access to a nice backyard I just wanted to bury something yeah oh there's a type of lamb called

kleftiko, which means like the Bandits lamb and it's like you bury it and smoke it underground cuz if you would smoke it the Turks would find you See the fucking smoke Fucking don't get me started. I want nothing to do with them But yeah, that's a good ass lamb. It's kind of smoked kind of like a barbecue Situation I want to give it up you do want to Well, yeah, but I grew up with vegetarian parents, so I was vegan in college Another thing that coffee shop vegan check check

getting college check check. All that, all that, all that's pay. Are you bisexual? No, I just present as one. Yeah, actually I don't see that as much. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I had, when I was still in DC, I had like a buzz cut for a while.

And I kept getting booked on queer shows. But I think I just wanted a black person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, person. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah absolutely. It pays to be black. Don't get me started. Best card to pull. I assume by I think I assume bisexual because of nose. Yeah so yeah yeah yeah that yeah and I have a little guy in but I've had bigger ones in that. Oh interesting. Yeah, is that by Someone I just assume everyone's by that's true. I did. Yeah sure. I assumed every girl was by For like huh, I feel like now they are I think they are but then that's gotten me. I just like I've been dating That's gotten me. I just like I've been dating you in trouble

It's got me in some serious trouble when I dated somebody who was like I was dating somebody and I just assumed everyone Who was you know? Every girl younger than me was like it wanted to be a bi like, you know She like moved to New York as a girl. This person wants to just go off suck dick eat pussy She doesn't want to date me and then she was like she did and I just was confused cuz I was like no you're a hot 20-something everyone's buying sucking each other off I didn't think you'd want to go this will be easy piece I'll be like get a little freaky pussy and I'm go I wash my hands of it kind of thing we could be friends maybe they maybe she's in an open thing you know I like to be in the outer circle of an open

Relationship where it's no emotional thing. I pop in I get my dick sucked that pop out, you know, maybe once I have yeah Yeah pop in and out. It's great. It's nice cuz you're like the little you're like the forbidden fruit, but it's not even for better Thank you. It's like within the parameters It's a nice juicy piece of fruit. That's a grapefruit that really should have fallen. Yeah. So how is this rotting, but it's on the branch still? You can tell it's dry inside, dude.

It's sweet, but it's too sweet. It's that sickly sweet shit. Are you a little gay? I would, I guess I would get my dick sucked by a cute guy that looks like a woman. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I guess I would go that far.

Cool. Haven't done it yet, but it's, the more I get, the more I fuck people, I'm like, who cares at this point? It's kind of like who cares at this point. Who cares is really the thing where I'm like, I haven't, but- End of the world. Somebody pops up- Yeah, you gotta go for for whatever somebody pops up and the vibes are right. I've taught I've told the story before where One time at a show there was some little blonde guy who was like a very he was a real gay guy

And he had like even like makeup on like a little bit of fucking blush or some shit And he just reminded me of a girl I knew in Baltimore like you know when you meet someone, you're like, this reminds me of, and I was like, well. And I had another spot, but he was clearly trying to suck me off, but if I did have another spot, sometimes I think, what if I just canceled that spot and got ahead from that guy in my Corolla?

You know? That would've been awesome. That would've been cool. I'm not against it, if that guy's around still, and you've kept it tight this was eight years ago But you know let me know Corolla dome, but I don't know if you'll come out of the woodwork. Yeah You're gay you're growing half and half right?

Much right down the middle I mean I the more the older I get the more I'm like I don't even want The more, the older I get, the more I'm like, I don't even wanna put numbers on it. Right, right, right. I wouldn't bet on it. Right, who knows. Who knows. How the mood strikes you.

It's how the mood strikes me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's, you know, it's nice to have options. Totally. Well, is there a part, because we were kinda talking about it, you know, before we started, where it's like, the older you get, the more you're just like,

fuck, am I just becoming a regular ass person? Where it's like, I'm just a normal person. So like for you, where it's like, you know, even if you're in like a poly relationship, at some point, does it feel weird to just be like, damn, I'm just like, most, like a lot of my life, I'm essentially a straight married woman. You know, like, does that feel weird?

Mary. Yeah. I even made it to 34. The fact that I like have it's so crazy. Also, like, yeah, quitting drinking and being on it like a Mediterranean diet. Oh, my my bitch is in the blue zone. Yeah. I'm trying to live to My bitch is in the blue zone. Yeah And do calisthenics, yeah Asian ladies Back to your Filipino roots. Hey, they give you pork. They give you calisthenics at 70. Yeah, I mean you get them both Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've totally forgot what we were talking

But I think I do feel like I'm just kind of becoming a straight laced person. But then I was talking to someone recently about being a bi girl and dating men. And someone was like, maybe it's like our kink is fucking a guy. Relax. You're fucking straight. I hate to break it to you. Well if you think about it. You're a fuck it. You pay your taxes. You married a man. Okay. It's done. You're not a child drug addict anymore. It's over. Oh man. I even voted.

You voted for Biden. It's over. I just think it's funny like if dating men is my kink. God damn dude. Bi women are hilarious. The mental gymnastics to be different is so awesome. It's like, and listen, I'll give you a little bit, especially white bi women. It's like, all right, congrats. A white bi woman married to a man. Yep, you're a fucking minority. Like that's the thought. No, no, no. But you know what I mean? It's like the mental gymnastics to be like, well, I'm not a regular married white woman. I've got something else going on.

You know, it's like. Yeah. No, it's actually fucked up that I do this. Yeah, it's fucked up of me. I just like, ugh. It's the same as getting shit on or being tied up and fucked upside down as me having sexual man.

Having missionary sex with a white man. With a man I love, that I own property with. A straight man. That's my kid. That's awesome. Anyway. That's cool. But you must, cause I don't, I mean, I guess I vaguely am familiar, I'm just assuming that you were a wild ass little kid.

Or like teen, or in yours. I did a lot of stuff Yeah, yeah, and I had a lot of sex before I was Allowed to right right right under the eyes of the law But um, I think you're allowed to fuck each other aren't they I think they're Yeah, that's what I'm saying you said under the law Don't do it on my Wi-Fi That kind of heat No one's gonna look at this room and be like it was that lady that googled that who can kids legally fuck

Do not Google that in my wife I feel like you were a good student. I don't know if I was a particularly good student I was like quiet and like obedient. And I really liked the subjects that I liked. But I don't think I was like by any means a star student. But I- But you also, you were in Japan though, right? Yeah.

Cause that doesn't, it's impossible to be a star student. Everyone's like, they're ashamed. Everyone's like, you're not perfect. You didn't bow deep enough to the emperor. So yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a siss, siss, siss're not perfect. You didn't bow deep enough to the emperor. Right. Well, um, basically what I'm saying is I assume it's much more, if you were in America, you would have been this valedictorian of your school.

We moved, uh, when I was in ninth grade and I feel like the thing is that that's when a lot of kids were becoming rebellious naturally but I was pretty emotionally attached to my parents because it was such a tough time to move like in the middle of ninth grade and I was really lonely and shy. And we went to public high school. No, not at first. But not even the weird anime kids, you're coming from Japan? There are weird anime kids that, but, fetishized you weirdly.

It's on the surface. I don't know if I was really aware of all that, the age of 14, but I don't, so then I made good friends, like really great close friends through theater, ultimately, and then beyond. But then, so I'm still like close to my group of girlfriends from that time but we did not F in this. Towards the end of high school some friends oh even in middle school in Japan some of my friends were uh Fing were other Fing. Fingering. I think you can say F-ing. I think you can say fingering.

They're fingering. Oh yeah. In each other. Children can do that to each other. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's look it up. No, Claire, put your phone away. Stop Googling stuff about kids fucking each other.

Can kids finger each other in Japan? Yeah. Cartoon style. Okay, now maybe it's an octopus doing it to one of the kids. That's interesting because I also just, everything you hear about Japan now anyway is that no one fucks there. That it's like, there's like a weird negative sex thing happening of like, everyone's overworked and like. I have a lot of thoughts about this.

Oh, hit us with them. Give it a smooch, smooch the mic. Don't suck it up. Right everyone's overworked and like a lot of thoughts about this Do not suck it off Okay, so I have a lot of thoughts so one on one hand. It's like There's a lot of conflicting Things about sexuality I think in modern Japanese culture. Okay, for example Obviously, there's a lot of like erotic art and whatever that's older sure. Oh, yeah, like yeah I think on the beach the lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah second lady. That's been like a century I feel like I'm sure older but the point is like then or like in the 20s in Japan and that was big because that's when Japan was like becoming more westernized

There was a lot of there's a lot of like erotic art from that era as well. And now, I don't know, I think it's a combination of it. It's still a pretty socially repressed society, so it's not, so on one hand, sexuality is not openly like discussed. It's not like that tactile of a culture, which also makes it so that the way that sexuality

is presented is like kind of wild. Like that's the tentacle stuff, tactile of a culture which also makes it so that the way that sexuality is Presented is like kind of wildly that's the tentacle stuff or there are a lot of sexual services that are pretty out like widely available You know like no I went to Tokyo and I was like there's just guys in suits getting off the train and going to like Yeah, I'll fuck it. It's like a it looks like a toys are us, but it's like and it's like hentai Yeah, yeah, I'm going to to sit at a jack-off booth. Totally. To jack off and then go have soup. Soup?

That's Julian. Yeah, they gotta get Giuliani in there. Like not mom and not turn it up. Yeah, it's like going under a bench where women are sitting on it. They have all these things that are available. They're making money, right? I don't know how-

The way they have anti-homeless benches here, they're making money, right? I don't know. Anti homeless benches here. They have looking at ladies pussy benches in Japan. Like the you know, the so at least things like a mechanic gets under when he's working on a fucking car. They usually you pay a fuck a yen to get on one of those. Yeah, I think all that stuff is a result of like, I don't know, Japan navigating how it is about like, like on one hand the body in Japan is not sexualized,

on the other hand it's like hypersexualized and I think that now as people are overworked and probably, and because of like the work environment they are probably having kids and marrying later, and now, I don't know, and also now, I think because people have access to figurines, services, any visual thing. It's like, you can kind of become insolent, absolutely.

Yeah, for real, I'm not even kidding. Japan's getting that first. Yeah, Japan has been 20 years ahead of the US Yeah, probably for at least a century so Maybe in the next few years, so I think it's like some there's a lot at play But I feel like but it wasn't like a horny society when you were over there sure it was it was That's what I'm saying, like the kids. I'm not 300 years old. But I'm saying like the kids, to me I was like damn,

I guess Japanese kids wouldn't fuck. I don't know, because no one fucks, I'm like well Japanese kids probably don't fuck either. No, I think they fuck. Okay. Honestly. Rescinded, point rescinded. I don't think there's like.

You're right, it makes sense. I don't think, but at the same time American culture is pretty puritan for a hundred percent But we like that's a good point Maybe it's like everyone fucks like, you know in a car or you know, like it is it's not like like I do feel like Europeans It is not frowned upon at all. It is a it's an outwardly horny society Yeah, the point came to America to be a virgin. That's why they came to America to be virgins. Yeah, that's true. To be weird.

That's why America exists, because you're virgin Europeans wanting to go somewhere to be weird. Yeah, it is the fucking biggest losers with their little fucked up hats. Everyone's sucking and fucking. Little fucked up tall little hats with the belts on them. Shut up.

Yeah. Imagine rather being on a boat for seven months than getting your dick sucked. Could not be me. Yeah. Because I always was jealous of my Greek cousins and shit because it was like, they were smoking and fucking and they were like 14 and I was like,

I'm getting no pussy whatsoever. I'm scared to do drugs. You know? And then I was like, this sucks. That's the American dream. Yeah, right I want to get you're not getting pussy exactly. It sucked So that's why I was just like I just assumed Japan was like the flip of like a whole because Greece is a horny Outwardly horny society Italy like all that all that Eastern European shit

I don't know what Albania was like you could trade probably a ride up the hill on your donkey for a handjob. When you turn seven years old, your uncle takes you to a whorehouse. Yeah. You can pick which one. You pick which Ukrainian, train to a radiator, you fuck for seven minutes. And it's like, good choice, Eldis. Very good, that's strong one. All her teeth still in mouth. And then you give her a fresh Oh god damn. I think Greece and Italy.

Yeah, let's get into it. You got Italy thoughts too. It's like tactile. Like everybody's touching each other. There's a lot of language about, it's like amaranth. Yeah, talking with your hands, a lot of kissing on the cheek. Everyone's kissing each other on the cheeks. Right. Japan is so not a touchy tactile society. But you were like, did you grow up in like a,

were you going to like an American school? You were, right? Yeah, good question. So after. Oh, give us a little bit of your family background. Cause it is kind of interesting. Oh, sure. Okay. How you got, how you even got to Japan.

Again, the way. What's my downstairs mix up? Sure. Yeah. What's my situation? So like, uh. Okay, who was your mom and dad? Would your parents grow up in Japan both no no my dad is from Philadelphia straight black guy from Philly my mom interesting fully black guy from Philly yeah, cuz he has Because he just looks a little Asian to me too.

People often think he's Egyptian. Yeah, exactly. He's not. That's not Asian either by the way, that's North African. No, but it's like, the point is something... Something else is going on. But no, he's just an angular, kind of quiet, light skinned black man from Philadelphia. But my mom is half black and like my grandfather

was from Southern Maryland, like black man, Catholic Southern Maryland guy who got stationed in Yokohama in 1945, because there was a little war going on. And he stayed there and he married my grandmother. And then, so my mom and her two sisters were all born and raised in Japan and then my grandma I'm gonna guess 50s Japan was really cool to half black oh yeah they were real chill difficult sentiment so but

the cool thing is that I guess like my grandmother or my great grandmother who the Japanese. Yeah, so not so my yeah. I guess everyone's Japanese, but you know what I mean? She and my middle name is named after her. I never met her because she like died right before I was born, but she apparently was like cool with her daughter marrying this black man, Southern Maryland. So anyway, so then then the funny thing is that my grandfather stayed in Japan for a long time when my mom was a teenager, they got divorced and he married another Japanese woman. Whoa. I had a type of man had developed a taste.

He wasn't coming back to Charles County. He wasn't going back to fucking Wasn't going the Waldorf after that he was staying in Yokohama So that's why I have a grandma Chia had a grandma Tiana grandma minority and their Japanese grandmas nice and then eventually they my grandfather did move back to Annapolis with the one eventually, oh and then did move back to Annapolis with the one deputy eventually. Yeah, yeah. And then, so then my OG, my blood. How long was he in Japan? A long time, like he was like. That's fucking weird. There's pictures where it's like,

he was the only black man on some board of something, something, because he was really involved with foreign, he was like, whatever. He was involved in foreign affairs organizations there. And he was like, it was like him in like him. Was he still in the army? Or he was out? He might have been out of that, actually I don't know. Interesting. But there's a lot of- So he just stayed in Japan for like 40 years then moved back to- Yeah like- Raised daughters. Right. Wow. To like adult- and the idea was that each of the daughters who were all born and raised

in Japan had to go to college in the U the US. So my mom met my dad in college Where which college my mom went to Bryn Mawr college, which is like Women's college and then at the time Went to an all-leg girls. Yeah, he went He went to Haverford which at the time was all boys And then they met at a mixer had an old-fashioned Film lecture that was no no their first day was a film lecture or something like mixers apparently and then

Then my dad what a refined ass little story I guess like when literally my parents met cuz like my dad's Friend was dating a lady and my mom was her friend And he was like it was essentially like dude, you should try and fuck my friends You try and fuck my friends really It's my dad's like yeah nice And here we are And here we are They had a good relationship for maybe 10 years and then they were stuck it out another 40 after that and

anyway That's cute though film lecture. Yeah for maybe 10 years and then they were stuck it out another 40 after that and anyway. That's cute though, film lecture. Yeah. Oh, so then. And that's how you're made. Yeah, yeah. That makes a lot of sense. Like what happened, oh I guess they got married.

My mom was like, my mom at the time had gone to Stanford for MBA so she was trying to like work in finance. Yeah, business bitch all my life. So she's like, okay, well, I'm going to move back to Japan for a job so you can come. And so my dad was just like, I don't know, random black guy in the 80s in Tokyo. Yeah. Well, you have a, there's two, there's a lineage of two just random black dudes from the mid-atlantic living in Japan for pussy that's fucking yeah love whatever yeah that's true that's cute that's adorable

oh so yeah that is really nice I didn't realize it was two separate like just like just bringing back two different black guys into Japan yeah I love that that's awesome yeah that's cool and mean they just stuck around and so they suck her. So yeah, so that's why I was there cuz my sister and I Were both born there Yeah, and we'd seen my grandma a lot when she was Living and then we moved about it. We moved Around a little we were like in Singapore. This was all for my mom's job Singapore for fourth of says did she do something evil? I'm sure Around Asia like in the 90s feels like yeah

It feels like she was going to like each every time a country changed their workers rights laws your mom got a job your mom got a new job. When doing your fucking country. It's like yeah. That's how we got to go to Bali for vacation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, my mom has now talked to me more about like

experience of being a business lady in Japan, especially you know in the early 90s too. Like she would have to go after, she would go out with colleagues after right, who were essentially like white or Japanese men. And then they would go to to strip clubs and stuff and drink like in their business attire so my mom had this whole life that I had to also get something from the panty vending machine I didn't want to

look like a fucking loser you could expense it it wasn't it was fun. But. I gave it away to some guy on the street. Right, right. Someone who really needed it. That's awesome. I love that. Yeah. Is your mom like, again, literally I only know your parents through fleeting Instagram stories. Well, I'll catch her, she'll be in like the corner. But I feel like she's like a small lady.

She's very small, she's super petite. That's so funny to have just like a little, Little? Like a little like lady in shoulder pads at the strip club. Yeah, you know, little animals. Yeah, yeah. Because you get so, Japanese people get so fucked up.

They get so drunk. It's toxic drinking culture. It's crazy. So it's just like crazy to imagine this lady with two little kids at home just hanging out like probably getting a little drunk but you know. So like decorum. My mom is like so about saving face and she's like very formal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I think that's kind of melting away as she's, cause she's like 70 now, so she's like kind of turning into like something more. Letting her hair down a little bit. Yeah, letting her down literally. She's like doing a lot of yoga, you know. Nice loose. But I don't know, it's just so weird for me to hear. Yeah, yeah.

For real. Um, but yeah. That's awesome. That's why I'm here. I would have loved. That's how I'm here. That's so fun to think about. That's so cool. Yeah. Think about, oh that's why I'm here. I would have loved that. That's so fun to think about.

Yeah. Think about, oh, that's my rice. Speaking of Japan, my Japanese rice cooker. Let's see, is it Japanese rice cooker? The sojirushi. Yeah, that's the best. I was going to ask you for the readers at home. The neuro fuzzy.

Yes, and before the podcast started, Stav was talking about making rice, but I'm curious like what grain, what kind of grain? What kind of grain? Short? I'm a long grain guy. I like a, I like a basmati. I like a, fuck what's the other one? Jasmine. I think I can smell that it's long grain. It is. It's basmati. I've been on a Jasmine kick. I went for the first time, I bought like, you know when you go to Costco and they have like an elephant feed bag of rice? Yeah. And I just bought it and I've been working my way through it. That's the way to do it.

I eat rice every day. It's awesome. Yeah. But yeah, I've been doing that. It's awesome. So this, all I had was this bag here today. I fucked up my planning. I was gonna have a nice big, I was telling Claire, this is great stuff for the pot. I was gonna have a nice big salmon lunch, but I dropped my is great stuff for the pot. I was gonna have a nice big salmon lunch, but I dropped my phone on a city bike. I had to go back and find it.

What, it was on the street? That was all today? That was all today. Wow, you really went through several lifetimes. I did, I worked out. I saw him eat some eggs. So I didn't have time for my salmon lunch, so I had to eat three hard-boiled eggs and a sausage.

Oh, boiled it. Yeah. Soft-boiled, right in the middle, jammy. Jammy, that's good. I'm the jammy. Do you have a favorite egg? the middle jammy. Yeah me. That's good I'm the jacks favorite egg seven minutes 40 seconds folks. That's how long you want to do it for I like a Above I like jelly jelly like a little bit coagulated. Yeah, that's what we're talking about. Oh, so we're talking about okay, right? No, no leakage. No, no leak just before there's gonna be wish just after we get you got it Seven minutes 40 seconds folks. That's the kind of

hashtag The egg just the Stavis egg challenge show us your jammy eggs Let's get it trending worldwide. No leak no leakage Like them in the thing or afterwards? No, no, I mean... Yeah, cut them in half, sprinkle a little salt. You're a pickle? Pickle an egg?

Do your freaky ass ever pickle an egg? I'm not a pickle that guy, but I'll do the... I'll do some more Japanese shit of like the ramen eggs. Those are so good. I love it. I'll make those too. What about you? How about your family did they go to Japan where they my mom was born in the Philippines and then she moved to San Jose Not Bay the yay area. Yeah

For a wait and then You know, she grew up my dad was born in San Jose Nice, they got together. she was a kindergarten teacher. Nice. For like 30 years. Damn, that's cool. And my dad was a film commissioner for San Jose. Film commissioner?

Which is the person who like, when a location scout for a movie comes to your city and they're like, where can we, where do you, where we find a house where, I don't know, Flubber would live. Yeah. And then my dad would be like, this house, and that's how Flubber would live. Yeah. And my dad would be like, this house. And that's how Flubber was filmed in my neighborhood.

Really? Yeah. Oh, you weren't just making up Flubber as a funny example. I would never. I saw Flubber in theaters. I saw Flubber in theaters. And so he did that. His whole job was knowing where houses in San Jose?

Yeah. Wow. Or going like, if you have a farm you want to film something at my dad knew of all the locations That's sick. And and then at some point he lost that job for reasons. I don't Mean it was it's crazy. He had it for more than like five years It's not a real doesn't feel like a real job for like a not, you know, San Jose's a big city Yeah, and it's got all these different places, but it doesn't feel like things But like I don't feel like I would have ever thought they shoot enough stuff to have a guy whose job is to tell you

Where to get it's not LA. It's not like no I think eventually The gravy train ran out but also he was a part owner of a small chain of independent movie theaters Oh sick, so I got to see movies for free all the time. That's a awesome fully took for granted Yeah, you didn't realize we had today. Yeah about popcorn you get free popcorn. I eat popcorn so It's crazy how fast I can eat.. I love it. It's fucked up. Did you have access to the machine as a child, though? No, I didn't have access to the machine.

I even applied for this job at the movie theater, and I didn't even get it. Wow. Your dad owned it? Yeah. You're the shittiest Nepo baby there ever was. You wanted a minimum wage job, and your dad couldn't swing it?

They didn't even want me to just stand there, which is all all you really have to do so I just grew up with that now. They're both dead Damn, thanks for bringing it up fuck some my fault. Yeah, one of them You'll never know. Who was squished to death in Baltimore? How do you say, how did that happen? What are you even implying? That I fell on them? Well, from a high place. I have not made a flubber. I would suffer injuries as well. I have not made a flubber. I would I would suffer injuries as well

I'd be a dog. I remember that scene Mm-hmm. I remember when he goes in the guy's body Content for kids about things going inside bodies. Yeah Moses Jones Oh Everybody's going everybody's going to the body no one's through the call and no one's coming out wait What do you mean? No one's coming out any of the holes though? I think they came out of your nose or your mouth usually years or something silly. No one's coming out of pussy's or Should have come out of Robin Williams ass You think Flubber should have come out of Robin Williams' ass? Yes! Tickled his prostate on the way out.

It's bouncing on his prostate and asshole. That might be the scene. He jizzes Flubber. They tickle his prostate for a way out. They give him the Stifler and Road Trip treatment. The Flubber fingers his asshole so he jizzes out flubber and they can escape. It would have been informational. Yeah.

Because you know, you grow up and you're like, you don't even think about your asshole in your pee hole. No. And then all of a sudden, that's all you think about. Right. It's like how do you start thinking about this? All of a sudden, you can't get asshole off the brain. Like, you know how there's material

for talking about sperm to kids, like about how life works. It's like, love could be, it could demonstrate. It could set you up for thinking about it logistically. Yeah, you must have, cause then you worked with a bunch of little ass, you worked with rich kids too, right? So you must have had access to weird little books. And I remember, exactly, cause especially if,

for example, if somebody, OK, OK, there was this moment, this was the school I worked at in Brooklyn. So it was two four year olds, three or four years old. So the four year old one kid had two moms or had still. So he has two moms and I'm getting to them. Yeah. And so I didn't kill his parents yet. None of his moms were squished in Baltimore yet. So this kid is getting his gay moms. What did he say? He said, he said, oh shit, he was like, sperm, sperm. Oh, I know the story. Okay. So somebody, a girl had a little brother that was born.

So she announced, it has a penis. I don't know if I should say the child's name in here, but you know, it has a penis. And then my co-teacher said, well, yeah, some bodies have penises, some bodies have vulvas. And then the kid with two moms chimed in really seriously and some bodies have sperm and it's because I realized he has a lot of books about sperm because he has two moms so they're probably like yeah my dad is just one

sperm of a guy in a magazine. It's a sperm with a mustache. I wonder how you handle that with a little, I guess he knew, like what does a kid that- I don't know, I don't know. Cause I didn't, and I had never, that's the big relief. Like kids are insane and really funny and very curious about the body.

Like so many, but they kind of don't get it when they're young enough, they don't quite, their curiosity isn't piqued so far that they're kind of don't get it when they're young enough They don't quite their curiosity isn't peaked so far that they're kind of like, okay Well sperm just comes out of the body, but they're not really thinking about it. I really don't think I remember mother one thing I that I took away from like a sex ed when I was in elementary school was like Yeah, sometimes you pee white stuff and babies come out right like that's what I thought Yeah, and I was telling my mom one time I was like, so I don't know if you know this like but sometimes you pee out white stuff mom I could tell you think my mom was is so open-minded about everything

But then from that day on she signed the permission slip where I was not allowed to go to sex ed Really it was so weird cuz my mom is not like that at all. She's not like she doesn't she's a Super like liberal whatever and it was just she didn't want me hearing about it from I guess my shitty Baltimore City public school teachers. But it's not like anybody at home taught me. I don't know what the fuck was going on. Maybe, I also think, maybe she just got kind of like, oh I, I want.

Maybe she thought that's what they told you was that they peed. Right, they're peeing. And they're like, they're not teaching you right. Right, right. Maybe, maybe. And then she goes, let me show you how to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, here's a video. Here, and you will find in the entertainment center a video labeled Barney. It is your father's pornography. Which is true. He had made a video entitled Barney

and me and my brothers found it. And it was a spoof porno of fast times at Ridgemont High. It was called loose times at Ridgely High, I believe. And uh, yeah, that's a great video. Uh, look that up, Eldis. Loose times at Ridgely High. I think we tried on another episode. Oh, yeah, we did when my brothers came on. We actually talked about it. When my dad died, I had to clean out his stuff. Oh, shit. And you know, of course, he's an older guy and so he had physical porn and he's a film connoisseur Yeah, so he's got a good he's got a good library like magazine and then but then like also DVDs Oh, he made the jump to DVD. He didn't have a lot, but he had one DVD and it was a BBW Oh, yeah respect. Yeah, respect your father was an ally of the community. I now I regret what I did to him. No. He's going to be like...

Yeah, well, I made him come. I didn't know he was into BBW stuff. Damn, BBW, salute. I do remember one time, I never got into, DVD was the like, VHS was like, just around from like dads or older, you know, friends, older brothers. And then DVD was like, we were just in that age where it was like, I'm too young to buy and then by the time you're old enough, it's like, well, internet porn exists.

Yeah, there wasn't much of a time. It had a real short window. Yeah. But I remember one time this fucking piece, I'm still mad at this kid, actually a fat Filipino kid. Respect. So somebody in our CAD, I went to like a science school even though I shouldn't have, I should have gone, I know, I was I failed at all those classes

But I went to like a school where you could have gone to like done a lot of engineering stuff So I had to take like Auto CAD which is I know I still don't know because CAD I'm putting up on this cat. It's like computer or something It's like engineering software like they make you know you know, what I don't know, furniture, whatever the fuck with it. Oh, carry on. Furniture, or like they even put out, look up what CAD stands for. But it turned out, by the way,

this guy was computer aided design, there you go. The guy who taught it was like just an old, just a nice old army guy who was like, it was like his public service was teaching at a public school. So he didn't, you could cheat so easily. So I just like, I never learned anything. It just, we took a thumb drive and put it,

it was so easy. I just took somebody else's thing. So I didn't learn anything about CAD, but someone left a vivid porno, the vivid company, a whole porn DVD in a computer and We me and this fat piece of shit this other fat piece of shit I won't say his name but we both saw it at the same time and he just got got to it was literally like a little grubby hand off to who could catch the DVD first and

He got it and then he just every, he would come back and be like, dude, this is a really good DVD. He was like, he would taunt me cause he got the jack off to the DVD that I wanted the jack off to. I still don't like him for that. He's a nurse now, I believe.

Should have been me. I used to work at a video rental store. And we still, we had a in the cool that does track for sure We had a porn section upstairs, and that's also where the microwave was Yeah, you gotta heat up your pocket pussy Cold pocket pussy at lunch I have other myths. Yeah. Whoooo. Whoooo. Whoooo. Steam. Steam. Steam.

Ahhhhh. Ahhhhh. Ahhhhh. Ahhhhh. Ahhhhh. Ahhhhh. Ahhhhh. But I remember that was the year

that the big Pirates of the Caribbean porn. Oh, I remember that. We watched, remember that Elvis? It was like the most expensive or most. Like high production porn. High production porn. It was. Ever made at that point. That was like the most expensive, like high production porn. High production porn ever made at that point. That was a big deal. Our friend's girlfriend, our college,

our friend, our buddy's girlfriend, she, or maybe her friends, I don't know. We had access to some big college house and they literally screened this porno. And I remember all of us watching it. Remember that? I think they may have even screened it at like the student union at my college. Yeah, yeah. That's like really... You know that's what it was where I think we're gonna go to

that and then we're like we don't want to and then we just put it on somebody's big screen or something. Oh yeah. Because I remember watching it at that at that house and then being like we're just all laughing but it's also like you know I'm getting hard because it's like I'm like damn ha damn this is hilarious I'm like damn this is pretty cool interesting boy thing boys watching porn together oh well this wasn't even that though this was like the definitely like I remember a sleepover this was like a what a goof we're putting on this porno is for a party and I'm like you know it's still early in college I was like I think I was like 18 when this was happening.

19, something like that. And I was just like, oh, I just actually am horny now. And I'm just like in a room full of people I don't know that well. And my dick is like half hard. I'm like, all right, well I'm gonna go downstairs. Sitting on the floor. Yeah.

I'm gonna go pee white. Yeah, like it would have been hard to talk to any women at all and just not horny at the, you know what I mean? Like at that party I had no confidence but like throw a half hard and watching Jenna Jamison getting railed and I'm, I'm was useless. I just like went downstairs and smoked weed until my dick didn't even, I was just so fucking high. What a fuck, oh dude college was Yeah, we got so much pussy. We were so cool

I actually I have I walked with the 3.9 GPA But I need my two language credits. So still yeah, they let me walk because you're allowed to get the you're allowed to finish. Yeah, you're really have you had under a certain amount of credits. They're like, well, who on earth wouldn't get their college degree? And it's like, me, baby, my mom. All I needed was my mom to see me in that dumb little cap and gown. That's literally what I went to college for. Yeah, I think you made out well. I think

yeah, yeah, I still get emails. Better than if you had worked in languages. I know Greek, which is the funny part. I could have taken a test, but I just was like, who cares? But I still get emails from UMBC that's like, hey, we see that you're almost done your degree. Come on back.

Part of me wants you to just go back, go to school for like a semester Go to school for a semester live in a dorm Me and eldest has to come to eldest goes to grad school we get kicked out again for smoking weed Again, I got kicked out my freshman year for smoking. It was brutal brutal. He got the dorms the dorms I was banned from residential Yeah, yeah, it was yeah residential life or whatever the fuck it was the craze well for smoking weed in 2007, baby Oh, you know, I guess generationally. Yeah, we got fucked. Yeah, that feels nuts. That feels not. Yeah, fuck them I still carry a grudge. I know the guy who did it and I keep tabs on him

He's not a fat Jew actually We take care of our own within the plus-size community I have enemies of every stripe. It's like the United Nations... Fat US. Anyway, whatever. That's interesting. Wait, wait, did you have more... I want to talk about this video stored there when the pirates came out. Well, that was just like a big deal. I just remember everybody being like, You gotta check came out. Well that was just like a big deal. I just remember everybody being like,

you gotta check this out. It weirdly was. But I heard it wasn't really good. It wasn't good at all. Like not hot? Like not sexy? Not sexy or like, yeah. It was kind of funny for like five minutes

and then you're like, oh this is the most expensive porno but it's still a shitty movie. Yeah. So it's like watching like a mid-tier like it felt like the production value of like a Nick Uh like 2000's Nicolas Cage movie remember when he was like in his weird phase where he wasn't he was just making movies Treasure vibe like yeah, like the knowing the b-sides of national Bangkok dangerous The B-sides of national TV. Like Bangkok Dangerous.

Right! You know, like. Drone. Shit like that. So what was it called? Privates of the Caribbean. That's awesome actually. That's perfect.

Yeah. Yeah, I think it's like a two million dollar for- Privates of the Caribbean is great. Was this after the first movie from the franchise came out? That's just a different porno. Wouldn't that be funny if her tits were real? Yeah, you know real fake They look because they look so fake. Oh, I see I see that's a tough time

I guess that's a tough time to have gotten big fake tits now. I feel like Technology is really Or they look more yeah, you get you get a real yeah, you get a real, you get some real jumblers. Yeah, jumblers. There's a jiggle. Yeah, there's a real life jiggle to them. Whereas like- It's like in this era it was more stationary.

Yeah. Right. I feel like Jenna was right in the in-between. It's not the 80s bolt-ons that are like, you know, that look like Legos, like round Legos basically. Do you think that nipples were bigger in the past? I have a theory that nipples used to be bigger. Interesting. Because if you look at like 70s titties,

the nipples are big. I'll say this. Like Ariel or the Ariel. But also they were much more open to being photographed soft. Right. Now no one photographs a soft nipple. Now they're all hard nipples.

Because I've seen some little nipples. I've seen some little nipples. I love that laugh. I'm just like, ready immediately. But I think also maybe because maybe women were having babies or something. Yeah, people are sucking on titties less. Babies are sucking on titties less Well, I'm just sucking on titties

The first thing was it said what the thing about nipple size could say about human evolution. It's teen vogue Yeah, I don't know I think I know you mean I do think the classics have I've seen plenty of classic Like playboys and you know nude things where it's like you do see a big first So also the titties are conical because I think their bras were shaped like that And I do think maybe that does something to the nip yeah, but I also legitimately think like conical you will never see you Listen, I've thought about titties a lot in my life. You will never see a soft, no one will send a soft, I remember a girl was like, one time I was like, I don't remember, she was like taking a nude,

she was like, I think she said, she's like, hold on, I gotta get my nipples hard or something, I was like, just leave them thatch. You gotta, you gotta harden them more. What do you mean, how do you? Sometimes they're soft and big. nipples hard or something I was like just leave them thatch. You've got a hard them harder. What do you mean how do you? Sometimes they're soft and big. Activate? Sometimes you just like flick like to make your nipples hard. I feel like the moment I take my shirt off it's like. I'm like it's under 80 degrees. Interesting. If it's under 80 degrees, if it's 79 degrees. Interesting interesting. Turkeys death powers fan bought. She has some cool wide- why that like I like the soft nipple like and that felt very it felt almost vintage to me

Which I'm impressed by your point about the bras you've sounded so elegant like a fashion historian It's definitely fashion that is the reason that I've thought about this It's not the like having to beat off the old pornography when I was like, whatever I would find. Also maybe like fake tits make nipples look smaller. It's possible. But I know what you're saying, I do think like. It could be the bra.

I also think people are self-conscious about nipple size in a way they probably weren't. Before. It's similar to Bush, where it's like no one thought about it in the past so you would see more bush. Yeah. Whereas no one thought about their nipple size where now I feel like even people with big nipples might only photograph...

You gotta make that nice. Finally. Do they swing and how big are your nips? Even people with big nipples like't photograph themselves or make sure their nipples look smaller or something like that when they're going to see them. Even that Kim, that skims bra that has little hard nipples, that's weird. That's more of a like- That feels so crazy because I just don't think it's that.

I'm like, yeah, I'm always operating at some chub. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. I'm half staff. Yeah yeah yeah. Whatever I'm fine half staff. Yeah I think but everybody's different. Some got soft nipples some some people got soft nipples. Some eternally soft nipples so they have to put on the. Some whites like I remember there was a there was a picture of cardi cardi be accidentally posted like her nips on IG or something like no yeah, yeah, it was a mistake and her nipples were humongous But I think she was like breastfeeding and people were like clowning her or something that's okay

And I was like you know what those those nips look pretty good. Yeah, card. You really got hamburger patties his nipples. That's so me pretty good yeah carter really got hamburger patties his nipples that's so mean oh you were gonna see your nips but I mean you know if you got it up claps safe searches on that worth yeah and to me great nips Cardi if you're listening we know you're a big fan. But that's an interesting theory. Yeah. That's just my working theory. I guess I'm going to have to look at vintage pornography and more kiddies.

You mine images and videotapes from the past half century. Sounds good. Doesn't sound bad to me. Wow, that's an interesting point. But I think what I need right now, y'alls, is the smoothest cannabis smoking experience possible. One second.

Ah, yes, a beautiful freeze pipe. My preferred method of smoking cannabis. Don't believe me? Just watch, folks. Wow, that's wonderful. Britney and Claire. What do I fucking love about this? What do I love about the freeze pipe? Ignore what just happened.

We'll cut around that What I love about the freeze pipe is the secret detachable glycerin chambers what I have right here in my hand right now You put them in the freezer. They cool Okay, you leave them in there one hour and as smoke passes through, it's instantly chilled by over 300 degrees. That's right, that little cough you heard earlier, that's because I have asthma and I probably shouldn't smoke, but my doctor said if you're gonna do it,

use a freeze pipe. That's right pal, I want you to get a freeze pipe. You know what, before you leave, we're handing you one and you let us know the next time you come on how much you liked it. Folks, if you wanna shop the smoothest pipes, bubblers, bongs, and dab rigs at everyday prices by visiting, which how you're gonna do it

is by visiting thefreezepipe.com and use code STAVI for 10% off your entire order. That's thefreezepipe.com and use code STAVI for 10% off. Shop today and start fighting fire with ice. You gotta do it. Isn't that right, Eldis? Absolutely. The freeze pipe is a wonderful smoking experience. That's right. You heard it from my Albanian producer. Go to freeze pipe com code Stavi for 10% off anyway I bet you wish you could smoke it but you haven't earned it yet maybe next time well look we could talk nipple size till the cows come home but we have some

we have some people to help here and you know we've got we've got to you've both lived very full lives you have have very interesting perspectives. So let's see eldest What do you got here on some of these questions? And again, let's remind the people what to watch what we're plugging Oh, yeah, the special. I hey everyone, please check out that Doesn't have to be like a you could be in the flow of conversation You just say oh, yeah, of course go to YouTube check out, you know You have to look directly into the camera. It's whatever you want to do Watch my special it's called that is my horse nice. It's on YouTube. I'm proud of it. Thank you. Please watch it

and an album hey everyone I My album's coming out May 16th it's called everything I know how to do it's got stand-up I got to do a song on it and there's some other stuff oh what other stuff? Don't worry about it. Okay just look check it out she's not gonna give it all away and you did it when you're in San Francisco is that what you're in just go punchline. Oh cool. Nice. Nice good place Elvis play some fucking play some questions here little buddy Hey stop what's up? Wow? I love the show. What's up Elvis? It worked. I have a question I

Am four year old dude here in Chicago. My wife and I are ethically non-monogamous Clear alert that is we're swingers Everything is good. It's not like we fight things up kind of thing. It's just who we are But my question is this you know, we claim to be ethically non-monogamous, but we we pawn our kid off on family and friends. And, you know, they don't know about our sex lives. You know, nobody really knows about the sex lives of other people, but I do feel like I'm taking advantage

a little bit when I drop my kid off and my sister's first sleepover and then go and, you know, have a baka now and I Don't know. I might be a good fight thing, you know, I'm an ethical swinger but Life what it takes to my family? That's awesome. Yeah, I don't know. I love this I probably you can see what you're gonna say, but I wanted to hear the stage I don't know if you can assume what you're gonna say, but I wanted to hear the stage wisdom you got.

That's all right. I don't think it's a problem. Yeah, thanks. It's like you're going out to dinner and you drop the kid off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but, okay, here's the thing. Here's my thing about, this is where it all,

this is where this kind of thing always, I think it's cool to fucking suck, do whatever you want, but at the same time, once you're like, kids is the thing where it's like, yeah, there's a lot of shit you wanna do that you can't do anymore. Like, yeah, like thing where it's like, yeah, there's a lot of shit you wanna do that you can't do anymore. Like, yeah, if you have a kid, right, you can't get high. Like, I've thought about that, where it's like,

if I ever had a kid, those nights where you're like, you put the kid to bed at a night where it's like, oh, if everything goes right, I can get stoned and be fine, but what if that little fucker has to go to the emergency, you're like constantly on call. You say that, but I've nannied a lot in Brooklyn. Yeah, well. I think, but I understand your point. You know what I but I've nannied a lot in Brooklyn. Yeah. I think, but I understand your point.

You know what I mean? But I mean. Right, where I mean like you have to, you can't be who you wanna be as much as you want to. Basically, the fun shit you did before kids, whether that's sucking and fucking, getting fucked up, going to, you know, going out, like yeah, going out to dinner, having a night out. You can do all that stuff, but you have to like do it less.

And if you're getting your ass eaten, is interfering with your parenting, that you might have to take it back a couple notches. That's all I'm saying. I have a similar feeling about like, you know how you go to a brewery and everyone just brings their kids to a brewery? It's like, just because we're outside

doesn't mean it's not a bar. Like you're still bringing your kid to a bar. He has the daytime, but you're still drinking double IPAs and you're driving home with your children. Right. It's one thing to go to a little picnic and have a wine drink and whatever, but it's like, if you're getting fucked up.

You're trying to have your cake and eat it too. So I think that's interesting because that's a little for me Okay, so that's right like I thought of that too about bars like when kids are out bars like oh Why do they have to be in this environment? That's specifically not for them I don't mind the kid event essentially coming into bars long as the parent is like You know responsible Like it can't be one of those like I definitely spent some time in bars Well, my dad would make he would build a lot of bars and restaurants

That was most of his business So I would go to bars with him when I was tagging along at work and you would see like the kid whose dad is Just like yeah, here's 25 cents good play Mortal Kombat and he's just getting fucked. I like you can't be that guy I don't think it would have be again puritanical about kids being around bars, but as long as it's about responsibility, the way I look at it. Well, the difference is, in his words, he's pawning his kids off.

Yeah. So in this case, the kids are in this environment and under some guidance. Yeah, yeah. Guidance figures that are like, I wonder, I think I'm having a hard time seeing it so differently from Claire's earlier point about dinner.

So basically his question is, Yeah, what is? Is it's not even about what, it's the ethical part for him, which is like, I'm lying to these people. He's getting people to cover for him because he's like, I had to get another shift Well, I think and him and his wife are fucking some you know, the ethical part is burlesque dancer

100% a big td I think the ethical part of the ethical non-monogamy is supposed to be between like You and your partner partner and your other partners knowing about each other and all that It has nothing to do with like your family knowing about it because why would you why would they want to know about your sex life? Anyway, sure, but I guess if you are It's the thing about like be like get the fuck out of your second fuck if there is an emergency And you're in the middle of getting your gagged double Some your

Your mom calls you and it's like your son's having an asthma attack cuz he's a little bitch I mean, yeah, I don't know. It's a it's kind of like a home alone situation and and I and I think what it comes down to is You see that Bernie eldest just sit a little closer in. Wait a minute. Everybody- You could have just said that to her, Elders. Wait, wait, wait. I have two things to say. Sorry, Elders just gave Brittany a note in the search bar and it didn't really work. I'm curious how I was supposed to- oh, that. Yeah. That's the chain of command. Yeah. What do you mean? The edge... what edge? Can you help me?

Just don't hang over the armrest so much because you're like... Stay within the... Stay within the couch. Yeah yeah yeah. I said I'll clear his lap. Okay. Yeah yeah yeah get in there. There you go. Perfect. Forgive me. So you had something something, Brynne, or, I have a couple thoughts here. I don't know if it's, I think it's fine. I think it's fine, my instinct is that it's fine. I understand, oh, go ahead. My point is just, it is fine, but I think the pawning off and the like,

he, is he cashing in a lot of like, hey, watch my kid, because he's horny, where it's like, you can only, you can only like ask your friends and family to watch your kids so much to me it's not he's not doing anything wrong here but what I would I it just goes back to the general even dinner or even going to concerts or even like your hobbies I'm just saying whatever your hobbies are they will take a hit if you have small children and my only point is is he over is he abusing the like watch my kid thing,

because he wants, he's going out and fucking, which is not, the fucking is not the problem, is that even if it was I have to go practice with my band four nights a week, or I have to go whatever, I'm just thinking like, are you overdoing it? And he clearly feels some guilt somewhere? Right about this about pawning them off about this Do you feel some guilt about not being with your kid as much like?

Because and does he also feel some fucked up way about I assume when you have a young kid You're like who am who even am I I know I have friends who've gone through this where they're like am I just a parent? And then you kind of want wanna really cling on to your identity. And my point is, you're not gonna be what you were before the kid. But you're something new. But you don't have to be just the person who spends all day with your kid either.

I have a few thoughts, or I'm sorry, Claire, am I speaking over you? Yeah, no, go ahead. I feel like there's sort of variables. Okay, so one is, did he specify they're young? I mean, they sound young, right? I'm kidding. He said four, right? He said 40. Okay, then I'm wondering did he specify they're young? I mean they sound young right? He said four right? Okay, then I'm wondering like is he the kind of he's 40. I thought the kid was four whatever Let's just say he's a 40 year old dude in Chicago

I'm kind of like that could apply to the kid could be young right like a little maybe there's like a The variable is like age is there like a factor like after eight is it like? Would he feel less skilled? Can we also be, oh sorry. Wait, wait. Even if it's not young, then it's like, it is fucking weird if your parents are like, hey, gotta go suck off Uncle Scotty, see you later. It does something weird to a kid.

I have a friend whose parents were like this. Like you, basically, you do have to, your hobby of sucking and fucking when you have kids. You do have to think about how that's going to affect the kid. Of course is all I'm saying. My other thought is like, well, do you think he's the kind of person that's kind of like, I don't know if you if you Venmo a family member, right? That feels weird. But I mean, like a friend or like, do you buy them dinner? Like I'm

wondering to what extent and what he feel more what do you feel less guilty if it was in fact something like playing practicing with the band or going rock climbing or whatever band would be worse yeah no one's even coming you're not gonna make it you're not gonna feed your family yeah I think I'm just wondering how often it's happening. Right. This whole thing I'm just like exhausted. Like this life sounds exhausting. Totally. Having a child and being non-monogamous and swingy. It's a lot. So that's what I'm saying is like. Too much. I even like to me I don't get, I see the appeal of, jealousy stuff aside, I see the appeal of being in an open relationship

for everybody's cool with it. To me the hardest thing is not even the jealous stuff, it's the like, isn't the point of being in a relationship you like that you don't have to go on first dates? That you don't have to keep meeting? Like you're locked in, you get to do other shit now, you're happy, that's how I, you know. To me, I hooked up with somebody who was in an open relationship and

She was like on tinder constantly and it's like this that poor around you single. So I don't care I don't know I got this I got the smash whatever it's all good. Yeah But so it sounds like everything's working out for you for me. It was great. But what I'm saying is like, what's the point? What's the point of doing, you know, to me that's my hang up with it, where it's like you're in a relationship but then you just voluntarily get to be, also act single sort of, some of the bad parts of it.

But then, anyway, I would like to get your take. That's a different kind of, yeah. But anyway, that was just a digression to the main point of like, that seems seems like too much and then you throw that in Plus having a kid and it's like to me And you know, I'm everybody knows I'm no prude But to me this is like brother you can't you can't be a swinger to this degree This is like the shit you pick up after your kids gone isn't in my

Are like typically like 60 retire the shit you pick up after your kids gone. That's why most swingers are typically retired. The kids have moved out. Exactly. Even if you're pawning people off, eventually they're going to figure this out. We had our buddy Sam who did the telemarketers doc. Really fucking awesome. His parents were open and swingers and they would just bring friends over and fuck them and you know the weird how weird it feels when your

roommate remember you know how your roommates fucking someone you're like I was just really wanted to watch fucking TV I don't want to hear you fuck through the walls imagine that's your fucking dad right yeah well maybe the idea maybe the idea is that he's worried about Frequency because you to your point it's like what if they just did it fewer times like once a month Yeah, treat yourself every once you are. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay. I screamed it a long time and then the other Yeah, sorry. Yeah They were freezing it today Well, the other thing though is so there's that aspect and there's also how would his

friends and family feel if it's like, hey man, I'm here doing you a solid because I thought you needed me to, you know, you just needed some time, whatever. Does he feel guilty lying to his family basically? And that's not a sex thing at all, that's a pure like, your relationship with your family thing, which is a whole other aspect to this. But anyway, dial it back a little bit, and then once the kid really knows what the fuck's going on,

it's special occasions, bro. It's kinda just like, don't bring it home when the kids are home. Exactly. That's too confusing. Yeah. Yeah, it's too much for a kid. Yeah. So anyway, yeah so anyway yeah they have fun it also feels like I'm excited to be less horny like I'm just like being an old guy in a rocking chair seems awesome yeah well my penis has no control over me I can't wait for that to gonna take a long time. I don't know. I've fucked enough old guys to know that.

It's gonna take a while. It's gonna be like, it has to not be functioning. Well, that's even that. It's not like my dick really gets hard that much. It's not like my dick's getting hard half the time. Yeah, actually. Yeah, what do you thought? You just said you fucked enough old guys.

I know you've sucked some three-quarters hards. They've never gotten, they've never fully come to life. That's the best part. That's awesome. Alright, you got it buddy, fuck you. Next question. We'll talk about being ethically non-monogamous another day. Yeah, I literally want to have you on the phone. Nice to have you.

Albus. God. That'd be so funny. So I'll start with some background information. Thank you. I was in a long-term relationship from about 2018 to 2022, and it was a fucked relationship. He was addicted to drugs. It was tough, but eventually my family helped me get through the breakup and

It was one of those situations where it was kind of like He would threaten to kill himself. I broke up with him So I kind of always had it in the back of my head like this is a possibility this could happen And I got in a pretty serious relationship like right after the breakup like I was ready to move on and find love and I'm still with the guy. We've been together for over two years. It was the best relationship I was ready to move on and find love and I'm still with the guy we've been together for over two years it's the best relationship I've ever been in I plan on marrying this guy one day but my ex committed suicide probably about a year ago and it's completely like turned my life over fucked me up going to therapy for it, but I have nightmares. I'm truly haunted by this person and It's something that I just feel so weird talking to my current boyfriend about if we were in a serious relationship, but I

Just feel like I can't talk about it and it's changed me. I feel like a different person Like I'm just haunted by him his family blamed me for it I just don't know how to tell like my current boyfriend like I do think about my ex every single day Like I have so much guilt like I feel like I killed him especially by getting in such a serious relationship right out of it So I don't know. I'm just I'm struggling It's something from him on my mind all the time and i don't know what to tell him when he's like a are you okay and that's like no and currently going through a lot of that work and i'm afraid to go so i don't know

they talked to her about that there's a few no key the final thing i've done the therapy just working on myself but let me know is a little bit and oh by the way I do have pretty great tips nice at the end of the day she knows what I was feeling pretty down but you kind of pet me back up at the end, and now I'm ready to go. Now I'm thinking about it. I was zoning out. Oh, no.

No, no, no. Go ahead, Claire. Well, the boy I lost my virginity to when I was 16, when I broke up with him, he would threaten to kill himself all the time and he tried to like drink himself to death and for a long time I blamed myself for this guy trying to hurt himself and it took a

long time for me to be like no people make choices of course on their own I have only I've only have so much effect on what another person is gonna do to themselves and how they think about themselves. And I think you just gotta remember, absolutely not your fault. Yeah. At all.

No, truly, zero percent. That was another person's thing, probably didn't even have to do with you. And like, it's never your fault in fact I think you should feel angry if anything yeah because what this fucking guy is done is Even if he knew that he had this going he weaponized the feeling he probably already had he knew he's a bad Honestly, I you know guy just I feel his way too because I've had People my life of three, you know my life have threatened this kind of thing.

People in my family have done this kind of behavior. And it's so selfish to do that because either they manipulate you into getting what they want or if they do go through with it, which is what's happening with you, is they've almost made it so that you'll feel guilty even though it's clearly not your fault. of course it's natural for you to your you're clearly an empathetic person clearly there was a some kind of fucked

up connection between you and this type of person like this kind of guilt clearly works on you so it's like it's it's not your it's like a you know your pathology thing that's really fucking you up. So you shouldn't feel ashamed of a natural reaction, but it truly isn't your fault. And it's fucked up of anybody to do this when they know that you probably feel, and his family can really go fuck them. That makes me so sad.

Also, so my, what I'm wondering about is like, has her current boyfriend made her feel, like to what extent is it, she's feeling like she's not comfortable talking about it to her boyfriend versus, he has showed that he's uncomfortable talking about other relationship stuff or him. You know what I'm talking about?

Like, how he's- Is this completely all in her head? Yeah, yeah, versus is it like the current guy who's been like oh? I don't really feel comfortable talking about him or an ex thing. I'm just wondering from from what I can tell It seems like it's such a it's been such a fucked up thing for her. It's just a burden. It's such a burn Yeah, and I don't know I mean I'm curious to know what you guys think but to me It does feel like the kind of thing Well, first of all obviously go to therapy and obviously talk to an actual

Trained professional about this right? I'm glad your tits You know, even if they don't care that you have big jumbos Even if they don't they might they know a thing or two Look what I they are to this, treating this program what I am to thinking your tits are awesome, right? But I also do think, my inclination is you should, like, there is some, I feel a lot of like shame stuff coming off

or a lot of like guilt stuff. And I think talking to your current, the person you're currently with about this, like you are, you know, it's a huge burden. It's a huge secret that you've made it a secret, which it shouldn't be. It's a tragic thing that someone did to you. Like you are the victim in this situation.

Somebody's threatening to kill themselves, then doing it and then people in their life blaming you and trying to really make you feel like shit, people are acting fucked up to you. You did nothing, you have nothing to hide, nothing to feel bad about and going to people that you're, this isn't, this is like, you're not thinking about, you're not talking about an ex to a current boyfriend

the way it's like, oh, we always went on vacation. You're not talking about, this isn't the kind of stuff that should threaten somebody. This is just like, if your ex fucking stole your car and totaled it, you would complain to your current partner about it. This is a bad thing an ex has done to you. And even though, it obviously is more complicated than that because because

They're dead, but like you should feel comfortable. I think to bring this up and to be like hey This is a really fucked up situation. I've been to therapy about it I felt weird because I didn't want you I didn't want it to feel like I was hung up on this person But I'm I am fucked up about this This is that this might take me a while to get through so if you ever see me zoning out being sad that's what it is yeah I think that's how dramatic event he could support her better probably if you flip it like if I was dating someone they were going through

this I would want to know especially those like weighing on them I feel like weird you know not to add another layer of guilt for her. Of course. Yeah, yeah. Hey, you're kind of rude. I ordered WrestleMania and you're bringing this fucking shit up again. The Rock is back, you fucking bitch. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Yeah, exactly. I feel like even her just talking about it with her partner, like just letting it out into your daily life will also help you see how absurd it is to think that it is your fault in any way. Of course.

Because it's really not. Yeah, you need perspective from the people who you care about the most and who care about you the most. Yeah. And the family thing, his family, clearly they're, I don know they're they oh I imagine for them it's like they're they need something to blame they need like an element of blame clearly who's fault it is. They have family. I know dude. Not your fault. Not your fault. Work towards talking to your partner but also like other people in your life. If you were going through any other trauma, you would be leaning on your boyfriend and your family, whatever.

So look at it that way. Try and free yourself from the guilt. Talk to your therapist about it. You know, about maybe working towards it. But definitely, I think anybody that you have a real connection to would want to know about this they don't want to be kept in the dark they don't want to just be like you know thinking nothing's wrong sorry about that but you know consolation prize you have fat tits next question Question eldest big she just said nice. She's a great night great which which I guess she probably knows what oh you're right great kids don't have to be humongous I've seen a nice pair of little ass titties so if they're little that's also a consolation prize I'm sure I trust you that you know that your tits are good Next question LV

Hey, so I'll be big fan big fan So I'll cut right to the chase. I've been dating this girl for about a year and a half now It's a great relationship best relationship I I've ever had. Nice. Um... There's one issue. And... It's that her pussy really stinks. Oh, come on! Like... I've tried to go down on her a few times.

And... I just can't do it, I gag. What? What? I lie to her. And I tell her, I'm like, oh like oh just I don't like eating pussy pussy makes me like yeah all the time he's like this is eating me up I have to pose as a guy that doesn't eat pussy this my girlfriend shit reeks this is killing me stuff All right, let's let's let's hear about I suppose all the time like I just don't like eating pussy

That's not true like I've been in other relationships, and I love to eat pussy It's just her state and so I don't know how I mean I Don't know That subject I I don't know how to call that. I don't know how to force that subject. Um... I wanna do right by her. I wanna, you know, make her feel good. I wanna do right by you, babe. I know she wants me to eat her out more often than I do.

Cause, I mean, seriously, we've been together a year and a half and it's been less than five times. I just can't get myself to do it and I always have some dumb ass excuse and I'm tired of making He's coming us hat in hand just wants to do right by Pussy stinking Tonic? So I can take it back to my missus. I don't know, what if it's just chemistry? Like what if it's off for him? And then she's...

That could definitely be it. I don't know. Or maybe since you started fucking you, your stinky pussy could make her pussy stink. That's possible. But yeah, that's a bummer. That's possible, but uh yeah, that's a bummer Have you encountered any stinky pussies or what do you do yeah?

Yeah, but I think it's like a day to day. No yeah day to day you've encountered stinky pussies I have but not I mean honestly not that crazy not the you know the majority You know what is stinky the part of like the sweaty if someone's been like You know working out, but this is a year and a half. Let's let's just Take him for for what he's for what he say is it possible that we're dealing with a medical thing yeah Because of course I've dealt you you come across as somebody who's just like all needs to wash Yeah, I like that. What if it's not that I'm sure he's not eating her asshole Shit coming out of her pussy If you double check it's not her ass

Yeah, let's talk. Yeah, you're, listen. Could be a way. I'm here to listen. I'm here to learn. I don't know, pH. pH. It could be a pH.

Are you feeling okay? Put a pH strip in her pussy? I think what you're saying though is true. Sometimes you just, sometimes people just don't taste good to each other. I believe that. I think fair and square. Fair and square.

Fair, you know, cilantro's, some people can't do it. Maybe her pussy cilantro It's crazy. It's crazy. They got this far and like he finds the pussy smell like weird cuz yeah, sometimes like you know I feel like somewhere out there. There's a guy for this girl that her pussy So they're not meant to be you're saying break up with her meant to be you're saying break up with her yeah if you think your girl's pussy smells funky like that's probably a sign what if she was a fucking out of different disability eldest you know what if she's a fucking yes she's got a

what if she's got a medically stinky pussy you're telling me she break up with her she's in a fucking wheelchair sort of dying faster than the rest of her body that's true that's. It's like that movie Jack. Her pussy is aging. Her pussy is aging at an unsustainable rate. I just I I feel bad for this situation. Of course, because I've been I've had a stinky pussy and I figured it out. You did. And I've eaten stinky pussy. Then I figured it out. Right. I think've eaten stinky pussy then I figured it out, right

I think it all depends on how much how much love is there You think you can love his way through I don't think this guy can Yeah It's just actual health professional style five times in a year and a half is insane It's just sexual health professional stuff. Five times in a year and a half is insane. Also, I'm like. That's fucking crazy in a relationship. That's why I feel like it's down to their chemists,

like literal chemistry, because people can be, it can be day to day, where I'm, like I feel like, if some, unless somebody's really had an off pH for so long, that just feels long. It feels like there's something more innate, which is tough I like parsnips but sometimes really strongly of ammonia to me yeah sure I don't know if I'm gonna quit parsnips yeah but I'll just be a little bit careful late to that but if there's a really rank parsnip. Interesting. I'm like, yes.

Solidary. I don't know. My take is it's chemical. That sucks. I hate when that happens. Because have you ever been really into somebody and then they're bad kissers? Yes.

And that's really sad. You can't get past it. You can't get past it. Or you guys. Honestly, you can't be with that person. Or if they have bad breath or something, it's really sad, you can't get past it. That's brutal, you can't get past it. Honestly, you can't be with that person. Or if they have bad breath or something, it's really bad. Or even like a, yeah, you just don't click at all sexually. And you have chemistry and everything feels the right thing.

And then it's just like, ah, this sucks. So I don't know, I mean, so- You might just have a good friend on your hands here, I don't know. He says he's the best relationship he's ever had. How old was he, did he say, how old did he say what he didn't say? I don't know he says he's the best relationship you ever had how old did he say what he didn't say is it is it completely out of their own possibility that she has some kind of stink rotten pussy disease what do we think but how do you even bring that up to someone? how do you approach it?

you could he could act like it was the first time he noticed her. Whoa! I think if you really love this person, you should tell her the truth. Truth, they're like, hey, I want to... What is that? You're right, but it's so funny to just sit someone down and be like, shit smells bad. Go to the doctor. I think you can be like, how's everything feeling there?

What does your pussy smell to you? Do like the Pepsi challenge? Yeah. Here's cinnamon, here's your pussy. It's like. I heard a story once about a girl, I think it's somebody who told it in their stand up where she had left a tampon in her pussy

and didn't or forgot about it. Oh. And someone went down on her and like oh, so they threw up And it turned out to be oh very old Tampa how the fuck do you do that? Really it happened to my friend and she was in a relationship and so I guess what happened is that the guy was like Whoa, and he opened the windows and it was enough. This is a different person. No this is my friend.

Who's not in comedy. Open the windows. This man rented an industrial fan. Like it flooded and he's trying to get fucking, not moss uh mold out of his fucking basement did a rat die under the couch i think in that situation it was so unusual that's unusual that it was kind of let's get a cross breeze going your pussy smells so bad i need a wind tunnel to get this out. I would look into something being stuck up there for a year and a half Oh, yeah, huh? It's been a long time Yeah, I mean you got to tell her this is happen after she showers, too

That's the ultimate thing is like if she's fresh from the shower and her pussy tastes weird or whatever smells bad to you It's either the chemistry thing or a medical thing That's it's one or the other. I that's my only that's my only piece of science like Like cotton I feel like he has to tell her he has like nothing to lose because if he doesn't this relationship Just can't work for any longer. He's grossed out by his girl's pussy He's grossed out by his girl's pussy. Yeah. That's just bad. Not a recipe for success.

Fucking her with a clothespin on his nose. I once, I would date with a guy who really didn't like eating pussy and he would when he went down to do it he would do this. Oh my god. No. I could see him he would do this oh my god yeah you gotta have your you have to get your you

have to eat your veggies that's so not how long did you date this guy? Too long. That's a like three times max situation. Damn. I guess you didn't believe in yourself at the time? I didn't? No, no I really didn't. I cut him loose. Nice. I'll find a guy who gets in there.

A guy gets in there as a nice sized penis. Alright, well look, tell her I guess, you know, whatever, we've talked about this. Tell her I said to tell. You gotta bring it up. You gotta bring it up. You gotta just be like, look. Love is love.

There's something going on here. And be like, I think you're so sexy. You know, all that. This is the best relationship I've ever been. I love you so much, I wanna do, I want to eat your pussy like crazy, but the stank is stopping me. How do we get this to stop?

Because I'm going crazy not eating pussy. I've presented myself, I'm a fraud. I've presented myself as a man who doesn't like to eat pussy. Unfortunately, that's not what's going on. I've been lying to you. I've been lying to you this whole time. I love eating pussy. You should, you should, it's bad. Alright, good luck pal. That would be devastating. Can I go pee real quick? Sure. Yeah. Sure. We're, we're pretty close. How long have we been going LD? 143. Oh nice, yeah.

We'll do one more maybe. what's the story behind this guy? Custom-made, you know not custom-made you can get it online Cute yeah, we were just looking for stuff to fill out the to fill out the aesthetic and we wanted to you know celebrate large bodies and Maybe at the next maybe it if we move into a bigger studio, we should get my body molded. We should get that. There's those statues in certain museums that are like up-founding fathers in a bra. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway, like fatherhood. I gotta do it. That would be awesome. It's an afternoon. You're standing. That would be great. Some power stance. That would be great. You know, surrounded by some. Some power stance. Power stance. That would be fucking awesome.

Or I'm just like. Clay. We'll have to figure it out. But I do like it. I do like it as a concept. Fuck, I'm fucking hungry. I guess we'll just wait till Claire gets back. Any more Japanese shit you wanna talk about?

Uh. What? Do I have a prompt? No. gets back any more Japanese shit you want to talk about? Any more Japanese shit? You went to Japan. I did go to Japan. I liked it. Um, very orderly. And where were you in Japan? Were you in Tokyo? Tokyo. I mean, I will say it does feel like the kind of place that's just allowed to be racist.

Yeah, I have a lot of thoughts about that. Cause they're just like, oh no, you can't. They'll smile. They'll be like, no, only Japanese. In fact, like that I have a memory of my dad not being served by it was like a chicken truck and then they liked it. Well, yeah, I'm gonna sit that one out actually. Let that one pass by. But that. You want to speak to that? Nope. Keep talking. It's bad business. All right. These guys allergic to money? And it was with my Filipina nanny and he, by the way, Japan's really racist. I think that it's things are evolving now as like more, there's more like mixed Japanese

people in the public eye, but the point is that Like they don't have like I to my understanding Legally like they don't have you know, we have anti-discrimination laws because of Like out of necessity, right? Yeah, like in response to stuff Japan as a small Totally how much genetic like island nation does not structurally have, like you can't bar someone. So I think that, oh, there's a lot. And also, like, oh, well, I think that now, as for, it's like hard to get, you know, citizenship to if you're not of full Japanese descent. It's like, and, but there are like,

I feel like the face of Japan is evolving. So for example, I have like two thoughts about this. One is that, more, kind of recently, on those pageants, like beauty pageants, like global beauty pageants, one year Miss Japan was half black, and then there was a big pushback on Twitter. And then the following year,

Miss Japan was actually have indian so like in some you got may o sakha that's huge as you read really hot cnr you get a lot and you have like big big bleak dot yet athletes who you know enough leads like present some kind of honor whatever you're doing and as i just remember something that was my mom always tells me that my dad when i was born the nurse, the people at the hospital asked him, Oh, they thought he was either an athlete or a jazz player. Damn, that's it's classic racism.

That's awesome. That's hilarious. Filipinos, I feel like are kind of the coolest. Filipinos are kind of just break dancing all over the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They feel like Asians that wish they were black or some even say they are black. Which is a little much. For some reason people say that. I don't really want to get into that. Because I am a pretty white, white person. I see, I see.

Have you been there? The Philippines? Yeah. No, but I really want to go. I want to go. Yeah, her mom was there setting up a sweatshop. Yeah, literally. Yeah, literally.

No, it was for my mom's work. Yeah, well. And she had a, yeah. I was just kidding. It was my work and I was, you know, tag along. I would really like to go. Where my people are from is around like Boracay, which is like the nice, what would we call it?

A resort-y area. Oh yeah. I want to go too. Yeah, it looks nice. I'm a big beach guy. I like the food. I like all that shit. I love the food.

Yeah. It's a big, it's a long ass trip. I think the politics over there are kind of funky right now. Oh yeah, there's a guy. There's like fascists over there, or there's like a president or whatever. It's not like fascists or whatever. Duterte.

Yeah, oh true. I wish I knew more about the world. Nah. But all I know is that I'm in it, and I'm looking good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Get those big nips out here. My pussy smells normal today. All this smell.

Normal pussy, big nipples. The dream, the Filipino dream. The Filipino fascism. Play us out with a nice fun question here, Elders. Hey, Stavi, loved your show in Austin, Texas. Thanks, dude. I show love you, Elders. And hello, guests.

I have a problem and and it actually relates to you, Elders, and you, Stavi. So I was wondering if you had any advice on writing a toast, man. So I was wondering if you had any advice on writing a toast man I have my brother's wedding in September later this year and I just I know some things to write. I'm not a comedian, but how do you write a meaningful yet lighthearted, you know jokey Toast I'm gonna be speaking in front of about like 100 people

can be crazy. And I need to have something prepared. Of course, right. Really nervous about it. And wondering if y'all have tips. Love you guys so much. Did you toast? You have to speak to all that I was the officiant. I'm officiating my sister's wedding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I did his I did Christina's our friend Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, she was. Yeah. So. I did his and I did Christina's, our friend Christina. Oh, cool. Our, it's like two of my best, we were roommates together, we were really close. My big, big husband officiated a wedding.

Oh, well yeah, Wes's wedding. Yeah, yeah, they were on together. They did the podcast together, Wes and Nick. Yeah. It's kind of a hard thing to do, I think, writing a toast. I don't, you know, I think it's kind of easy, to be do. I think writing a toast. I don't you know, I think it's kind of easy to be honest I have like a thought it's like I think there's a formula but go there's a formula and this is like to that point So, you know a basic joke structure is like thing thing and surprise thing or a more escalated thing

You could write a million of that and it could those are jokes and there's a surprise element and it feels like You don't want to overdo it though. That's right Sure, sure sure. Okay, if you're this guy, you do too. Yeah. No was that Like you're like you're like you don't want to overdo it and you're about to say like if you're this guy like not Not even just through this guy like even it's not like I fuck roasted eldest for ten minutes, right? It was like I hit him hard in the beginning Like it's almost like you want one big one. Hit him hard in the big.

You want one opening. You want something funny, which, you want to roast your friend a little bit in a nice way. You want to be complimentary of the partner to an incredible degree, right? You want to be complimentary of their union. Even if you don't think these kids are gonna Make it pretend rightly. That's not what this shit is not about

Telling hard truths. This is like being funny in a this is my best friend sort of way like roast him talk about how a Really fun thing you could do is talk about how an easy joke in a situation like this is like what a mistake She's making it up in a situation like this is like, what a mistake she's making in a fun little way. I can't believe even after, I had a joke about how I knew she, I knew Eldis' wife loved him because she was roommates with me for a year. Like she put up with being roommates with me, Eldis, and another one of our friends.

I was like, oh, this girl's in, you know? And that crushed and like, and so you just want, I think you want to hammer one fun, funny joke, it's just something funny to break the ice, you know, set the tone. Don't be afraid to just speak, like to hit people with a lot of,

to be sincere, it's a wedding. You don't have to be ironic, you don't have to be detached. This is just positive, you want to be really, you know, talk about how happy you are for them. And then I would say you want one up top, one near the end, but you don't even wanna close with a joke. You wanna close with something

super sincere and sweet. And then maybe in the middle, you wanna throw in another joke. And ultimately, I'm assuming the friend asked him, right? So he can like lean into that. Remember that, you know, like he trusts him. It's like he's close to him. He can be He can like carry that I'm sure yeah, yeah, I say hit him with the Webster's Dictionary

The funds love Brother Did you get the punch up your husband's Officiating did you did you riff with him about it? No, I didn't riff with him about it, but he did a good job It wasn't too funny exactly You just want to be a little funny and I think especially people who aren't Like I think people who think they need to overdo it. They think you need to make it a roast battle Yeah, that's not what it is. It's like this is about you. Here's the other thing to remember

the audience think about the person you have to make laugh is your Your the bride's grandmother Like that that lady needs to laugh at everything you can't have a joke that's off-color even to her like Those are the people that are the arbor is like it is like you kind of have to be funny and sweet and whatever and you can't have a joke that's off-color even to her like those are the people that are the arbor is like it is like you kind of have to be funny and sweet and whatever and you can be a little edgy tongue-in-cheek but don't know cursing no like oh this guy used to bang whores I can't believe like don't do any of that referencing anchorman yeah yeah that. Yeah. Just keep it normal.

Try a nice, focus on a nice opening joke and then a little maybe a middle joke and then end on something sweet. Definitely end on something super sweet and how about happy hour and also big compliments to the bride for sure. Especially if you're, since you're on the, you know, the groom side and vice versa if you were on the bride side They complement to the girl like that. They love it. I love it I'm officiating my sisters right in a bit and I want to I they're both five four and I want to address this

Way up top, but I guess what I was thinking the way what are these the fucking cake toppers? When did the fucking Brian Groom get here? Oh man. Well. Uh, well. Yeah, you got some good stuff. Well, anyway, yeah, but in my head, I was like, okay, the trajectory has to be ending in sincere or sweet.

For sure. But then the whole time to be like, to remember it's your, it's like your baton to hold. Like the belt, like ask not for whom the belt holds. The belt holds for thee. Yeah, yeah. You know? Totally. It's like you should feel a charge, be self-aware. If it feels awkward or nerve-racking to speak in front of that many people, just kind of laugh about it It's fine and and think about it's the context of this too, right? You're one of a few toasts. I'm sure you know, you know, you don't want to think about you know

You don't have to be the most sincere guy That's the you know father the bride or the mother of the whatever like you're you're there to be kind of light-hearted fun But still even within that the funniest guy at one of these things the funniest person that one of these things Shouldn't just be funny. It should be 30% funny 70% everything else. Yeah Yeah, even though you have a questionable taste in comedy You didn't tell us how big his tits were I don't appreciate that. All right well I think that's gonna do it for us. Thank you. Thanks for coming.

This is a very fun episode. Thanks for having us. Listen to the album, watch the special. We'll link to all that stuff. Give us a nice review. Do whatever on Stavisworld. Subscribe and we will see you guys next time. Bye bye. Bye.