Stavvy's World - #81 - Greg Stone and Sal Vulcano

Episode Date: June 17, 2024

Greg Stone and Sal Vulcano return to the pod to discuss Sal’s new special TERRIFIED, Greg Stone’s new special NOBODY PRESENTS, the accuracy of DNA tests, ways to promote engagement on specials, getting humiliated by bullies on school trips, wiping out on the ski slopes, giving your sick baby treats that make them sicker, and much more. Greg, Sal, and Stav help callers including a married man who’s wondering if he should cheat after losing weight, and a man who feels guilty about his friend group planning a trip without one of the wives they all hate. Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code STAVVY for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. More info at https://www.gametime.co/  Watch Sal Vulcano’s special TERRIFIED out now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X49375Hah8 Watch Greg Stone’s special NOBODY PRESENTS out now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NhFKH5779c  Follow Greg Stone on social media: https://www.gregfstone.com/https://twitter.com/GregStone_http://instagram.com/gregfstonehttps://www.facebook.com/GregStonecomedy/https://www.youtube.com/@gregstonecomedy Follow Sal Vulcano on social media: https://www.facebook.com/salvulcanoofficialhttps://www.instagram.com/salvulcano/https://twitter.com/SalVulcano Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to Stobbies World 904 800 stop. Call in, we'll solve your problems. We got a real power couch today folks. Two of my faves. Two beautiful, excitable, at least partially ethnic Italians. One full, right Greg? Or what do you? What do we got? I'm like 80. Let's do white. Let's do let's do white race science Let's measure each other's skulls Phrenology I ordered I last night I ordered 523 and me premium kits 79 thousand seventeen dollars with discount. Why? To be safe. I see $4.79. On Amazon it was $2.99. Thank god I checked the actual website. It was on sale for $2.29. Every subsequent one was 20%. But don't you just need one? Me, my lady, my mom, my dad, and my grandma. They're coming over tomorrow so I want to get everybody in there. I've always wanted to do it. I just read up and they're like, with the skull thing, they actually like match, like they tell you how much Neanderthal you Why now let me ask you? What is the what's the compulsion like and I love going all the way getting all five?

Covering in the basis. Yeah of everyone in your life to make sure I mean except for your your girl Everyone else is related to you, so you want to just make sure this well Right so if I put mine in but nobody above me did right? I don't know how much you know so if I put mine in but nobody above me did right I don't know how you know I was my grandma. She's 92. She's got she's probably gonna connect to somebody Yeah, you know it was really about her. I was like I got it. I had the idea I wanted to do a family tree since like I swear to God was playing the mid 90s I went to Barnes and Noble and bought a textbook All right, but now it's like it's there.

You know, I just find it fascinating. Yeah, you just kind of want to know out of curiosity. They can now go back. I did for a bit on the show like 10 years ago. I did ancestry. But all that really does is tell you, you know what you are. And if you have relatives, all the ones or whatever. Yeah, but this goes back.

I mean, hundreds of years. And you could literally see like I was actually reading the reviews and one guy said he found out that like five hundred and thirty years ago, someone related to him died by via arrow. I want to know that, you know. Yeah. Yeah. And you know, fellas, we've either already talked about it or we're going to talk about very soon. Sal's special that just came out, terrified on YouTube. Of course,

Greg has a special out right now. We've also already talked about it or are going to talk about it pretty soon. But something else people should check out is Tires on Netflix that I was in. That's not something that you guys did, but I actually did it on Netflix right now. Great crew, Shane McKeever, Gerben, the whole Philly squad. They were great to work with. It's doing great. I just figured I should tell people to go check it out. I forgot we pre-record so many episodes of this podcast. Not this ad, of course. This ad definitely took place as the thing happened. And when I say ad, I guess what I'm really not really talking about

tires, but what I'm talking about is how much I love the game time app Game time is a beautiful way to get last-minute concert tickets sports tickets. I've been using it for sports You know I'm out there. I'm hitting Camden yards. I'm looking at the best deals So take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets and sports tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account, and use code STAVI for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code STAVI,

S-T-A-V-V-Y for $20 off. Download Game Time today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. But I, because you're getting them for your mom and your grandma, but I thought you just get you, you're good for everybody. No? It's like, hey this is all our book? Well I don't know, I just feel like they probably got some stuff in there I don't got. I don't know.

Well I do think actually that certain people, it only is what you show. Like everyone has a certain, like you and your siblings would have a different 23 and me theoretically be like because it's what whatever genes they like that are expressed in you at least that's how I that's how I would have the exact same like me and my sisters would have the exact same readout if we both did it right I don't know if you would or is it like when you bake a brownie a pot brownie exactly like without you know, and you could take a bite in one part Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay, you guys some some got all the Puerto Rican in the crust Smells lightly of adobe. at all times. Love it.

Mine smells like garlic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it really, that's how I, and I also, I'm also just saying that because my bro, one of my brothers did it and we all, me and my brothers look, one of, my brother Nick looks just like he's a blonde, well dirty blonde now, but blonde, blue eyes, like we, me and my brother George would always tell him. You have his contact info? He was adopted.

You have his contact info? Yeah yeah he's a piece of ass he's married and mostly straight also like the pot brownie how am I what percentage and we all we would tell him he's we adopted him from like Norwegians and you'd be like what really because my brother me my brother I just look like a regular, I could go a lot of different ways, I feel like. And my other brother, George, looks like Greek to the point, like maybe a little Middle Eastern, like very hairy. And he had like, he had like more,

a little more Middle Eastern flavor, but I wonder if Nick did it, because our grandma's also from like Northern Greece, where it is kind of like mountain fucking snow people. So there's a lot of different shit going on Yeah, but I also part of me is like they're making all this shit up. Yeah, I'd be really like Yeah, yeah what I don't get is how they go back that many generations because they really like I mean they go back This is almost like we were doing spawn con A really integrated ad

Until these days you literally started talking about if you go to their website website. It's cheaper than Amazon. Full disclosure, full disclosure, I get a little bit. Yeah. I love it. But I do love that your eldest is, your sister did it right and it said that you guys were like from one region of Albania. We're thoroughbred. One block. It's a 300 block of luck. Yeah. It's so fucking, they found the exact manger all of Eldest's relatives. All of Eldest's relatives. They used to sleep in the same room.

One big room with the livestock. Oh, that's interesting. Well, hey, let us know how it comes back, Sal. Come back, let us know. We should also say, I don't think we... because we started plugging... Ancestry Services services we didn't talk about either of your specials but we have we have specials out right now Greg Stone nobody presents which I love Greg that's very funny you could have presented it yeah I could it could have been Stavros Agis presents're right. You're right. You're right. Fuck shit That's all right. It's over now with that all 40 bucks. I asked 40 bucks

This thing 40 bucks really? How much would it take anything ten thousand dollars? All right? Well, no, it's not nothing Fumby was like hey man put this in yeah, if anyone wants to pay for the whole thing, it's your name. And it could've been anybody. Anybody, any name. Richard presents. Get a bunch of friends. Now would it have?

Barney Penis should present it. Barney Penis presents Drag Stone. Would you have named, now if I, fuck. Now if I had spent all 10,000, could I have picked a title? Absolutely. You could have just done your own special on my special. Well, I'm sure you have another one coming out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's going to be called Stavros Akes Presents Barry Penis. Featuring Greg Stone. No mention of Greg. Who's this guy? No, he doesn't come out and go hey everybody I got Barry penis? No no he doesn't in fact I prefer that he say he's Greg Stone

So that everyone is like Who's Barry and I want you to never say Barry penis in the special I want you to never mention it The reviews are like In this hysterical head scratcher Yeah yeah yeah Oh man it it goes, yeah, it's like, wow. He was doing something very avant garde.

Who is Barry Penis? Greg Stone, he gets into our, all of our, the id and the ego, and is Barry Penis our super ego? But we got Greg Stone, Nobody Presents, which is a hilarious title. Louis did Louis J. Gomez Presents, Louis J. Gomez, which it was very good also, but I really like Nobody. There's something just poetic about it. Nobody gives a fuck.

No one. I was online begging. No one cares. I mean, it leaves with a joke. It's a great joke, writing the title already and very funny go watch the special Greg's hilarious I mean you've been you've been on the pod multiple times. We had some great some classic patreon bangers We finally let Greg loose we let him on the oh, it's the real one is the real deal, baby Oh boy, this has a fast it smell out here. How's the fresh air now? That's a non-patreon

Now you can't admit being gay Now you can't admit being gay Race is equal you guys get me you're Barry penis on the nation oh boy I love it every race is equal and we have Sal Volcano of course who has a special out right now

Terrified go check it out Terrified on YouTube right now I love it, go watch it we're linking to both of these folks. Stop watching this right now and then watch these. And then come back. Give yourselves a whole day of entertainment.

We're talking between these two specials in this podcast, you got a nice four hours of entertainment. Calling sick. You know, yeah, calling sick. You know, who cares? People usually get through about 20 minutes of mine What I just bid I wanted to do no one laughed I thought it was funny Yeah, I went on Jim and Sam and I went this is what I want I want everyone to try to masturbate to it. Try I don't care if you're gay or not

Just try and timestamp when you come in the car. Oh cuz I want to know where your special I mean, yeah, because if you could it's not porn Yeah, if you could then you're becoming a trained sexual person You know what I mean? And I want and I wanted to see if the numbers would add up to where everyone came Oh like if there was something innate about you that at like 1734 Everyone's busting. Yeah, it's like hey, this is a non-pornographic thing people can masturbate to but for some reason every time he talks About his wife they blow or being shit Losing hair bit, you know religion just seems to get people real hard. I don't okay

It's the losing hair bit. Religion just seems to get people real hard. I don't know. Okay. Interesting. And no one took you up on it? I got about three people. So three people did. Three people.

Three people. I guess my thing is if I had to beat off to your special, I think it would be more of like training myself. I would be trying to tune you out. Yeah, that's the thing. There's so many ways to do it. I just want you to do it. I think the strategy is waiting for crowd shots

Mine let me know the minute you have to pop a soul off I have no statistics on it yet cuz it just came out but I'm gonna find out. Yeah Yeah, they should that you should YouTube should tell you where most people would bust it would be the great Oh, yeah, turn off is where people come yeah the YouTube meeting like just being like so we have a new feature like We're gonna be able to tell when people bust The first yeah, they could go around they could send people you know how like the Nielsen ratings has like a little box Yeah, they could have like a little cuff around your dick measures like cock blood flow to your family yeah interesting this is really

you're innovating Greg can we curse on the can be dirty on the railing yeah you can be dirty I mean how's the reduce view yeah come on you both have specials to plug don Don't go crazy. Give us the second half of the show. Once the questions start, then you can really let us know. Then you can rank your favorite Asians. Then you can rank them. Not hard.

Oh, he's got it ready to go, folks. He's got it ready to go, folks. I love it, brother. And I've done the research. Oh, I love it, dude. Yeah. Well, yeah. What you were saying, like, crowd shots just remind me of the crowd shots. And I've done the research. Oh, I love it dude.

Yeah. Well, yeah, that's what you were saying. Like crowd shots just reminded me of your youth and just like try like, I don't know if you guys in the VCR rewinding something and then being like, all right, plus play then beat off to it and then like have to then be like Didn't didn't blow and then rewind like like start up like walk back to the start of the finish of the like to recall Like the three titties rewinding. Yeah, I see because you couldn't really pause because in the VCR and this for the children out there The young kids. Yeah, yeah, and you know what? I didn't think I'd like getting old, but I actually love Regaling what it was like in my day to these Gen Z kids.

I never thought it would be like that, but we really, we're like the last non-internet like you're, I mean, it's something special. Yeah, we're the last people to beat off to tape. That's in life. I mean, it's only going light speed from here. So we had the last taste of whatever purity is. We had to jack off, like, we had to jack off the way you make like soup out of bone, how you make bone broth

Kids these kids take a bite of the most choice part of the steak and then throw it away We have the scraps we have to boil overnight to get a little bit of pornography flavor. Yeah, my porno I'm so sorry. Yeah, please my porno. Don't apologize. It was a catalog for porno. Oh, wow. That was two pages ripped off. I put it into a report card envelope, so my parents would see it, folded that into a Sonic the Hedgehog. I love that your parents took such a little interest in your academic career.

They're like, all right, where will my parents never check my report card? And then it was shoved in a hole in my mattress. So my family would literally have to go, what's this hole in the mattress? I want to play Sonic the Hedgehog. What's Greg's grades? Prego porn. Like that's what they would have to do to the left side.

That's the equivalent now of just labeling the file folders that. Yeah, yeah. You have to click seven times. Sonic. I'll make I go one better you like metal edge like remember magazines like metal like your rock like yes they used to sell posters yeah so there would be an ad one page of

posters they sold but the posters would be little thumbnails on one page and there would be like 50 of them and then it was like a Samantha Fox in there topless so then I would have to look at the half an inch by hand Samantha Fox this big did you ever get a magnifying glass no I just held it real close Monocle would be fun. Yeah. Oh, yeah, absolutely you would feel refined I love that the leg holding it right here, and thening off like you are, like you're checking the carrots. You have a jeweler's eye on you. Although it goes bop and big bopper magazines, you know, like the 17 things.

Well, I was that age, you know, when you're that age. Like Alyssa, when I was, you know, whatever, Alyssa Milano was whatever. Same age. And you're kind of like, oh, she looks great in that devil's jersey. Oh yeah. What have you. Alyssa Milano, definitely. Now, yeah, what have you Alyssa Milano? Definitely now see I was very lucky. I feel like I'm in the transition

Generation right I'm 35 and I did catch the end of jacking off to VCR and to Magazines Greek magazines were great because Greek people will show tits and like they're real newspapers You know what I mean right and so like I would grab something with my dad had a Calicula for you. Yeah, truly. And I was just like, I literally would do a thing where I would in the living room amongst everyone just read it as if I'm reading Greek. But I was banking where the tits are. And I was remembering. And then I would establish myself as a guy who read this magazine. And I'm like, and my parents, as a guy, as this guy,

as the type of man, the type of young man that's taking an interest in his culture, my parents were literally thrilled because they're like, he's reading Greek, because I spoke Greek, but reading is harder, right? This is like adult, not little kids books, like an actual magazine. So my parents are thrilled.

Then I also would establish myself as a guy who would take a regular book into the bathroom to read. This is before cell phones when you're shitting. We're a long shitting family, right? You got to establish. And then, well, now I just want to read the Greek magazine in the way I would read any book in the toilet. And of course, I'm jacking off. Of course, I'm jacking off.

You were like Joe Pistone and Donnie Brosco. You went deep in the car. You put in the time on the cover as a guy who cared about his Greek literacy. Oh man, those were the days. Greg, you gotta establish. I would go into the bathroom and always take a long time. Right. Because I knew at some point I'm going to be one of the masterpieces. At some point.

But if they just think I've got, know that got me. Yeah colonoscopy I love that they don't know if you pass Spanish, but they know how long you're shitting Failing bowel movement. Yeah Yeah There's a failing bowel movement. Yeah, but a year old might have polyps. Yeah You really get a god Oh my god, I had a colonoscopy and I will say it's part of the story, right? Okay The other part of the story is I was called out of work at a hospital and my mom worked at that show So then you should see the doctor and so I saw the doctor just call that said I want to work and he said

I think you've got stomach issues with you with you The long times of the bathroom the stomach ache and they sent me for a colonoscopy Oh my god, and I went I saw through I knew all of course you were into deep I was into deep some that's like that's like when you have to beat a guy within an inch of his life But not technically kill him To stay undercover for the mob. You're like, all right I don't know if I crossed the line yet or not, but I can live with myself just barely here. Just shoot past his head. Yeah 47 I haven't had a colonoscopy yet

I'm like five years late now seven years late, but you had one that early. I had one it was like 17 or 20 I don't know anything about my own life. What do you mean? Those are such different years in your life. 13 or 36. I don't know. That's high school or college, bro. That is such a distinguishing time in your life. Anyway, whatever. No, but you got it. They're great. They give you really great drugs.

You're a fan? What I was going to say is, did it like now, have you had one since? No. Oh, really? How long was that one good did it like now have you had one since? No. Oh Really? How long was that one good for because aren't you due for one maybe soon? I think they're even doing up. I think they're like we know these bullshit I think they just kind of ran through it. I don't think they were looking to they tickle your nuts a little bit I think the age has changed though Now I think it might be 45 because I went who's 40 I went my doctor said no no you got time Oh, maybe it's prostate is 40

Colonoscopy 45 prostate I think I feel like they're getting loose with it. Someone put a finger up my ass Eldest you got one of those Like you weren't there for that and they just like yeah, it was the dentist Stop It was too easy for me to yes. Oh, yeah, you know I was getting my braces taken out And he put his thumb in my eye. I'm like, doctor, please, how does this help my sore throat?

Anyway, I can do that. And he held me down. You real dumb. I didn't want it, he just kept taking it. Yeah, yeah, but it's okay. I just had like a, I just remember the guy, I was there, I guess I was there because I was pissing too much.

So I guess that is prostate. Yeah, but that's actually good, you know what, because then there's no buildup. True. You're not like, oh, I don't know how I'm gonna feel. It's just like, oh shit, it was over before it started. No, it really was like, I was like, is he gonna, in my head I'm like, I literally didn't know

he was gonna put his finger up my ass. I was literally like, is he trying to check my balls from behind? Like I was really like, does he want a different angle on my balls? Roach the not really and then I saw him put glove, you know the glow I mean I guess he had the gloves on from the nut the nut gloves and then but then I heard a little like Yeah, that's the lotion getting or the jelly the

Container taking liberties. It was taking some liberties Yeah, I guess you might have said I'm gonna check your prostate and I didn't cuz I was 17 or 20, you know No, but I wanted to be Like oh there was you know, there was the nurse sort of and then there was the person that was like in college learning What the hell it is? I don't want multiple people No, and in, something that really did actually feel horrible is that, so he checks my ass clean,

clean as a whistle, beautiful hole. And then he get, there was like a trainee female doctor who was kinda hot. And she was kinda my type too, she had like curly hair, like just really a type of girl I would've loved to fuck. And he's like, he's now walking her through how to check a penis on my little ass dick So now she's holding my dick and I'm nervous. I'm like like literally my dick is shrinking as it's out Pushing my little ass dick back

to get dick meat, because I'm scared. And my dick is like going back like a dog. Like a home, like a home. Like a frightened turtle? Yeah, dude, absolutely. And this guy's just like, just like what? And so I'm like looking at it. And then I'm like, and I think, I'm trying to think,

you know what's funny? I shit on you for saying 17 or 20. And now I don't think if you know, it's funny. I should only were saying 17 or 20 And now I don't know if I was now. I really don't know if I was 17 or 20 I'm gonna say I was at least 90 but I'm trying to think if a woman if a woman had touched my penis It was not the completion like I had gotten a girl grazing my dick I'd never gotten a woman paying this much attention to my penis So I was like because I didn't I didn't fuck till later in college. I think this must have been the beginning of college. And it's the first time a woman is really making contact

with my dick. An old guy is watching her and I'm scared. And the guy's like, yeah, looks like your foreskin's a little tight. Maybe you should, he's just making comments about, not checking the urinary tract. He's like, yeah, he's literally like, your voice might need a little snip.

Is this Pudding Crust? And she's like, yeah, I don't know. And she's. Yeah. That sounds like a reoccurring nightmare. I honestly have never thought about it until this moment. You say that loud, they, after they saw you, they fucked each other.

Absolutely did. You think I turn them on so much? I think that's what they do. I think that's their game. Sneaks a finger in your ass. She can't jerk you off. She really kind of was pulling it out. I was so embarrassed. Were there any accreditations on the wall?

Well, I was waiting for my oil change. This is a chippy loop. I would have kindly said a pass. change. And it was. This is a chippy loop. Wow, hold me down. I would have kindly said a pass. It all happens so quick. And I was there because I was worried about it was this I was like I've narrowed it down to 19 or 20 actually. Not it wasn't 17 for sure.

It was college. It was college because we talked to yeah that's the best part of Elders literally being my friend since I was four In fact check shit. Yeah, I remember we talked about and you know what? I do remember this because it happened right around that time I did hook up with that girl, but I was I had a lot of penis trauma Actually, I'd double the girl kind of looked like that urologist one She had big tits. She's married now, by the way banking tits is a great name for the special

She had big tits, she's married now. By the way, Banking Tits is a great name for the next special. Yeah, Banking Tits, oh yeah. That's all that's in here, baby. I've got so many fat tits in my head. You mentioned how we have to go through the VCR and stuff, but what about even to get the tape? We had to get a bunch of friends, want somebody to drive, we had to go onto the BQE

on third avenue at midnight, then go in, play it cool. They were like $69.99, we all had the chip in. Oh yeah right they were like 69.99 we all had the chip oh yeah they were too expensive and then we had to all like be like all right I have it Monday to Thursday I pass it to you see I'm lucky in that I was it was it was Mad Max era where I was scab a scavenger of VHS's okay where it was like you know I'm it's much your dad's VHS it's a friend's older brother's VHS, you know, this is 2000 This is like the internet had rolled out in certain areas just not in our community Okay, we were not a high speed internet did not get to Greectown until 2014

No, I literally was in college when they had like high speed like I had dial-up in fucking high school. It's crazy But I didn't have a computer in college. Yeah Senior year, that's crazy. I didn't have a computer in college. I got it in my senior year. That's crazy dude. I typed my reports on a word processor. I swear to God. And it was like you closed it and then it had its own handle. You would walk around with it like a suitcase. And I would never do my reports so I would have to go to school holding the word processor and do it in the cafeteria like the day of of and it was just a single-use computer. Basically. It was just like processor Yeah, it was just like you put the paper in and it was like a I was like an electric typewriter electric typewriter Yeah, wow. It wasn't a screen at all. I'm not really at all right on the page

Yeah, we went from pencil pen to computer. No, I didn't know there was a oh Yeah, I had to take my processing classes in high school computer no there was a Processing classes in high school We had keyboard class yeah, you had to turn out a type. Oh, yeah Mavis beacon you ever fuck with me You can the lady that teach you how to type, right? Yeah, you know about Mario teaches typing Mary. Oh, it's fun. Oh, you're Italian. We do I actually had the best thing happen to me because I was let me get the age. Mm-hmm. I was in college Okay, and I was delivering pizza and I started out like 19 and my boss was like 33 and he was getting married And he tells me I have something for you. Hell. Yeah, I can't keep this anymore come to my house

Oh, I go to his house and he was the holder of all of his friends points. No. He gave me a grande mozzarella cheese box full of cassettes. It was like 35 cassettes in one. Paid dirt in one shot. Wow. And then I became like a dealer. Oh my god. You got died that night. Yeah, I would rip my penis off, you know But imagine having to hide that You had to cut a hole in the ad where even were you you were in college We're living at home or you have a dorm home. Oh, wow. It was like buried in the claws What was your favorite video? Do you remember the best cassette from there? I do That's hilarious. What was your favorite video? Do you remember the best cassette from there? I do

There was one that was read. Oh, I'd like this It was it was the only one on 35 that was read and it was like one of the newest ones She was a lot of stuff in there was still like a little old It was like like as new as you can get on a VHS and and it was like it was like these guys went to Like a college and Things got crazy But it was also later porn also got a little bit more like you know what it is now It's like people punch each other right in the face. So it was even more a little like racy sure

It was like very valuable right a little reality feeling it wasn't cuz I feel like a lot of initial porn was kind of Kind of weirdly high value high quality Yeah, like spoofs where they actually did put money into like the love classes like right backgrounds I was in a school. They actually rented a school somehow They're in a school fucking like whereas I feel like what you're describing is like maybe it was a little bit of the forerunner of They're actually you know in dorms. They're describing is like maybe it was a little bit of the forerunner of other actually, you know in dorms They're actually fucking college. It was oral in a classroom nice That could have been any room really could have been anywhere who amongst us. I guess I haven't gotten sucked up

Well, I got sucked off in like a rec Area, but not a full classroom Recreation area. Yeah, my church. I didn't get sucked up. I got my days the you needed to say Stairs of the church There was a fucking basketball court Next to it. It went full. That's what you had full ambiguity. It was yeah. Well, it was at the Greek festival I got my penis. That's that was the first time I got my penis touched. But no, I'm trying to think classroom.

But I feel like in college, if you were the type of guy who was getting pussy, you could sneak into a classroom and get pussy in college. I just was not that guy. I wasn't that guy. No. Greg? No, I didn't go to college.

I tried. I tried my hard. You tried. I said no, man. Any community college? I did't go to college. I tried. I tried my hard. You tried? I said no man. Any community college? I did a little community college, but I... okay, so this is the thing. I... I have broke my tailbone in like the first semester. That was... that colonoscopy, that man really gave it to you.

I've had many ass problems in my life. Oh my god. So I had to carry a donut pillow to my first semester of college. Oh my God. Oh man. That's amazing. It was a ruptured, polynidal cyst.

So there was a hole in my kind of butt, and it would like, Kind of butt? It was like kind of butt. It was a little above it. So they would put cotton, and my mom went, the cotton's gonna bleed through that.

Use this and put a maxi pad on my ass So I was in my first semester of college with a donor pill that broke during the first class and I had Maxi pads in my bag to change my bloody ass Broke and it broke? And it broke in the first class of the first day. And I couldn't see, I was just like, ugh. So then I had to take six months off from fucking school. It was a whole nightmare.

Oh my gosh. How'd you break your tailbone? What were you doing? So the tailbone story is kind of my favorite. I could go to jail, so who cares? Tell us, yeah. I didn't go to jail, I'm not gonna. Anyway, I went snowboarding.

And I came off this jump, I landed on my ass and the next, and I hurt my butt, I was like, oh, my fucking butt hurts. I went to work the next day and I was working at a, like a clothes, like a store. And I went to a furniture store. Yeah, of course. And my butt just hurt, like that fucking thing hurts.

So I just went to security and went, I just fell off a ladder, I think I hurt myself, I just gotta go home. And they were like, you can't go home, you need to go to the hospital We need to get you checked out. They brought me to the hospital. They were like this guy's got this major damage. Oh my god They paid all of it They paid for the whole thing the finesse Lord that's what might be a federal

Greg the finesse lord. That's what might be a federal. I think it might be. Bleep out the theme of the furniture company. I'm kidding. It was a joke. This is the beginning of a movie I'm writing called Butt Boy, Adventure of the Bloody Ass Man and his six colonoscopies.

What's amazing is your fall from grace was instant. You were so cool. The story begins with you jumping off a ramp on a snowboard Yeah, and it immediately is followed by building a doughnut That's crazy. You did pay yeah, you pay your comeuppance for scamming for allegedly scamming a company into paying workers comp Yeah, I did. I was out of business. Okay good. They're dead to me too Fuck them. Yeah, damn respect to you for doing that Me too Fuck them. Yeah, damn respect to you for doing that

I don't want to name any accomplices here or people that were complicit, but What did your family know of the situation? So? Everyone thought that I fell off the ladder Right, and it was whatever I didn't really think and then my mom is a nurse We went to the hospital and the doctor misdiagnosed it and so we went home and my mom was like he's like now this it wasn't a ladder this was a snowboard classic snowboard ass no the doctor had just said that it was a bruised tail she's just like a bruised tailbone or something my mom was like he's got a ruptured cyst so that night I went to

like a crazy fever I had blood poisoning and my mom was like no no you had a suicide a fever she brought me to the hospital, and they were like, oh yeah, you have like, some kind of weird thing, because the cyst ruptured, it was a whole thing. I had an emergency surgery. It was crazy. Emergency surgery?

I think. You have like 20 slides. I don't know what's real anymore. You might have been, you have 25 or 30? Yeah. Do you have an X-Scar? It might be the future. Yeah, I think.

This might be the reason. I could show you, I'm not going to show you. I think I do. I think that's like a little one of these. At the top of the crack. But I haven't seen it. I haven't seen it in a long time. I guess that's true. I guess I've seen my ass because I take nude photographs for the calendar. So I have seen

my ass quite a bit. Yeah, I think there's a scar there still. Yeah, it's crazy. You might be the reason... Did you get anything or just they paid for your medical bills? are there still. Yeah, it's crazy. You might be the reason. Get anything or just they paid for your medical bills. They came, they paid for my medical bills and they sent me money. I got paid for being off. Now, so what do you do? You're, you're, you're, you literally can't sit, you said you had to take six months off. Well, you're just at home laying in bed.

I was laying on a bed, but I was also like, I I couldn't like sitting down really hurt. It was like a whole thing So you say six months, but I don't know sure I can't really remember but it was like a long time I was this is also to doubt I was 2001 to the It was just when the towers Well, how do you remember? These people who came How do you remember all these people who came?

You were on the slopes yeah, you're on the slopes of September you can't get me on this Now the snowboard now or does that the end of it no no I snowboarded my whole life I kind of stopped a little bit during comedy and that's when I gained a bunch of weight Okay, so I did it but I do go I went really hit the slopes. I'm a bunch of weight because I did it, but I do go. I went. Oh really, you hit the slopes. I'm a slopes guy, bro. Love it. You know. Yeah, I've never done any snow shit at all.

Yeah. We should, we should go, it's so fun. Maybe, I don't know. No, it's not. You don't like it? No, I've done it like enough in my life. I've done it like maybe five times. Not enough to, it ever took,

so every time it was the first time again. And in 2000, New Year's Eve, 2005 and 2006, I went with my friends to go for the weekend and I was like, stayed on the bunny things. Right. And I, and I just, I was doing good all day. I was proud of what I was doing, but it was really, it was really almost flatland. And they all were doing double black diamonds. And so it's getting to the end of the day and it's starting to get dark. And so it's getting colder. And so the day and it's starting to get dark and so it's getting colder and so the the snow is getting it's like

getting hard and everything and they're like they tell me we're going for the last one of the day come up with us up there they say and then we'll just go we'll stop intermittently with you and we'll make sure you're okay oh no and I don't know why I did that but I went to the top of a double black diamond Yeah, and then when you get off the thing up there like the first thing you inch off of was literally like this And I was like, what do you I can't even get off this It was this oh And so I was like so they go. All right, we'll all go first and we'll stop down there We'll go first leave we'll stop down there.

We'll go first, leave you to die. Well, they're gonna leave me there. So they went and they went like, I don't know why, a couple hundred feet. Okay. And then I was super nervous and it was super hard. And so there was no more, it was in powder. It was like packed and it was getting, it was ice.

It was ice and we were up there. It was ice. And I went up. And you were up there. It was ice. And I went off. And you ever see like Christmas vacation when he. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I went off and I had no skillset and I started gaining speed.

And you know, you're supposed to turn your feet in, stop. But it was skiing. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry about that. I'm sorry. I apologize to the audience. Yeah, right. And so it doesn't matter though. When it french fries, pizza, french fries. I apologize to the audience. Yeah, right? And so, but does it matter though?

When it's ice, it doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so my feet are in, it's doing nothing. So if anything, it's comical. And I'm approaching them at a rapid rate and I'm yelling to them, I can't stop, I can't stop, I can't stop. I whizzed past where they were.

They just knocked me go. And then I started careening to the right and I'm heading toward this cement pillar that holds the thing. And I'm not kidding. I'm going fast. I'm going fast. And I didn't know what to do and they're screaming, FALL! Because I'm gonna, you know, Sonny Bono myself. And so I didn't know what to do. I turned them in and nothing's working.

I turned them in and then I got to the point where the front of the ski clipped something Front it turned and they flew off in both directions Twisted Airborne slammed into the ground I 60, 70 feet on my face. Oh my God. And I lay there. I couldn't speak. I couldn't see. I saw pitch black.

That's a real thing. Blinding pain is a real thing. I've never experienced it in my life until that moment. I was laying there and my face was, I was in there and I opened my eyes and I saw nothing. And I literally had the thing like, did I die? Am I in the afterlife? But I saw nothing. Oh, literally had the thing like, did I die? Am I in the afterlife? But I heard people and I'm like, I really I mean, I was seeing stars.

Jesus Christ. I actually I'll send you this. I have a picture because then they love me laughing. I love the base. I was in so much pain that I couldn't tell them how much pain I was in. So they were just laughing and laughing and they started taking pictures. 110 millimeter, like millimeter film. Like the old school.

And they have pictures of me just laying there crying on the ground. And then I finally was like, I can't I can't. And they were like, oh, so then they call the medics. Right. The medics come up the hill and what bind you at the still at the top of the block? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They come all the way up the hill. They put me in a stretcher Oh, right, they put my foot and my whole leg in a boot Not the one I had like a foot an air cast they and they zip you up because they have to now take me I'm hooked to a snowmobile and they have to take me to the medic area, which is down the double black diamond

area which is down the double black diamond and up another one. Oh my god. And you're not allowed to have your hands out or trims out because you get hurt right so because I'm on a sled essentially yeah and so they bag me up in a yellow thing and they zip it. You're in a slalom, you're like a skeleton. They zip me to my neck and put my hands like this so all you see is my head and I'm in a yellow body bag and they hit the sirens and they're going down the hill and as I'm going down I'm in a yellow body bag and they hit the sirens and they're going down the hill and as I'm going down I'm passing everybody and the people on the lifts this family's on that thing. Yeah, and I mean kids started yelling they thought You should have been screaming right girlfriend is like what you have fucked was your knee it was it was as sprained as it could get okay thank God still though. Still though, that's a fucking-

I didn't walk for almost a week because of the pain and they gave me crutches and everything, but that night was New Year's Eve. Oh my God. And so my friends are in this condo and everyone's partying. Oh man. And they put me on a swivel computer chair with wheels. Oh.

And they just wheeled me around for the night. Yeah, that's kinda sweet though. Yeah, but you know, you make memories. Yeah. Good story. That sounds horrible, dude you know, you make memories. Yeah, that sounds horrible. I've never been I always the only thing I ever want to do ski wise is I just like every sitcom. There was one episode in a ski lodge and they make the like drinking cocoa

and hooking up with a girl from another school. Like they just make it seem like, oh, you'd be the one guy one guy like to me I had this fantasy where I'm the one guy from my crew that doesn't want to go out there there's some hot for some reason was a black girl I don't know why in my head in this fantasy maybe this is literally a saved by the bell episode and it was Lisa Turtle I might I mean I think this literally might be a save by the bell episode and it to me it was just me and this girl who didn't, all her friends love skiing, all my friends love skiing,

we're just fuckin' sittin' in the, there's a fire roarin', we're drinkin' hot cocoa, and we fall in love, dude. That was my, this is what I'm thinkin' of is like, a fat 11 year old, by the way. These are the thoughts I'm having, Jesus fuckin' Christ. No, there's something romantic about that lodge the lodges with the rolling crackling fire the cocoa I like all the like the wooden like the logs like the cabin. Yeah a cabin

There's something very picaresque about it very cinematic about everybody's got on turtlenecks Yeah, little red flush from the face, but the heat's hitting the cold face and it's like you're warming up and everything It's very I romanticize that it sounds good. I love a good log cabin. Yeah Yeah, can I tell you this story? Yeah, of course you can right in please one of my first ski trips was high school Mm-hmm, and I I was a South End poor kid, right? But the North End had this ski club so I had some North End friends and we we get away We're just really feel sorry So I had some North End friends and we get them. Where is this? Bloomfield, sorry. Bloomfield, in Bloomfield. The North End, a little more money, South End, the sports.

I had some North End friends like, we're going skiing, snowboarding, and I'm like, fuck that, I can't, all right, fuck it, right? But they all hung out together. They were in the front of the bus. They put me in the back of the bus. Now I am with this other school. So they put me next to this girl who, for the story,

she was big, she was a bigger girl, right? She was a bigger girl. And it's just me next to this bigger girl and The bus starts going it's a whole other school and they start hitting her classic with spitballs Oh like classic bully shit, and you know me, of course. I'm an Avenger with no power. Yeah So you're gonna stand nobody presents you yeah, yeah, so I stood up and I went leave this porky bitch alone So I said I said I was being the dick no Wow, and I swear to God this man with no shirt Glistening stands up and he goes

I'm being the dick Wow Fuck bigger than me. He was huge. He was ripped and I went alright, and you said you were in ninth grade Well, this is high school I don't know. I held the two side railings of the thing. He comes at me. I lifted myself up. I Kicked him with both feet. Whoa, I kick him with both feet I kick him with both feet double dragon he pulls my pants off completely pulls my pants off and with one move threw them out the window. Out the window! My pants! What the fuck are you doing?

You're full of pride! This is meeting! That's insane, dude. You were hanging onto the double bar, kicking it with two feet! One second, you a dude! He owned you so hard! So quick! Stop going skiing!

Now he's coming at me yeah yeah i know nothing good my wallet my chain wallet my whole thing everything is out everything and they were jankos so it was very easy the bottoms on those things were like 60 inches so he pulled them right off holy shit oh my god now i'm just in my air walk shoes and a corn t-shirt and I'm on the ground and I'm all tangled up and he's trying to hit me and I'm punching him, he's punching me and now his whole school has me tied down.

Now I'm like, they're holding that tie down. They're pulling me down and I just see him put his hand up and I go, this is it? This guy's about to hit me. From the front, my friend, I hear, not today, motherfucker! My friend Taco, who is a physics teacher now. So imagine what he looked like.

He, back then, just a hundred pounds, flew through the air. I see him running up his body, like, look, look, look, like a squirrel. He kinda like dismantles him, takes him up out, they pull us away, the teachers. They break it up I sit in my chair. I have no pants on now the girl next to me for the day for the day for the weekend Either wear snowboard pants the whole weekend because I have my silver pants in the bag. She looks at me and she goes

She it because she was big she goes She takes her hoodie off and I put them on as pants. My legs went through and it was a Kid Dynamite hoodie. I still remember this day. It was a Kid Dynamite hoodie and I hooked up with her. Not a second to her at all. But I was like absolutely 100%. 100% I went, this has gotta happen.

This story ends with me fingering this girl. I'm gonna bust. I'm gonna bust. I'm gonna bust. I'm gonna bust. I'm gonna bust. That's awesome. You guys were bonded by something greater than... Yeah, it was something. She was like, you didn't have to do that. And I said something so corny that was like, a beautiful woman like you should never do. I said something so horrible and corny.

You ever tell this on stage? No, I just tell it for podcasts. That's an insane story. That's incredible. Maybe I'll tell it on stage. You should. Are you kidding me? That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life. That's incredible. You should you It's on the special it's on nobody presents So many you know, maybe you have so many stories you've told so many times you know, like I think everyone who knows me He's already heard it. Yeah, whatever who gives a fuck? That story's a fuck, that's an all-timer.

Because you really, you really like, you're not the hero at all. Like, at all. But to her, yes. I mean, I mean, right? Or she feels bad for him. Or he has degraded himself so much that even a woman who in the like,

this is the 2000s were not body positivity is not around yet right all right she is not yet she goes with tight yeah she was filling out those jankos brother you could not you can see her wallet in her jankos that's tough but he is he's made himself just he's getting some a sympathy finger we find out later that they were just hitting me with spitballs. Yeah. Those are my friends. What is that he's talking about?

And you're saved by a little nerd. You know? And do you ever get your pants back? Do you ever get your wallet back? No. My pants, my wallet, those are all gone. But you didn't have anything important? Your kid?

Yeah, I had my wallet. What was in my wallet? Nothing. It was a money. Bust a card. Yeah. Your permit? What about your identification? No, this is before that. It was an identification. Oh, okay.

All right, that's not bad. I probably had like $30. I didn't even have $30. You probably had a little more. You had Coco dollars. I had Coco dollars. You know, you're going to a ski trip, you probably get a crisp 20 from your folks.

I definitely had, I do remember it was a corn, the band corn leather chain wallet that I did love that they threw out. And I also had the shirt. And the T-. To me, they were all Korn things. Yeah. You were a new metal guy? I was a new metal guy. I was a straight edge, straight edge but Korn. I wasn't really a new metal. I liked Korn. You were a Korn guy. I liked Korn and I liked Youth It Today and all these hardcore bands but I liked but Korn I was like, no this is awesome awesome, and then they went they went the way they went and I went I think I'm out now

Yeah, I'm still fine. I don't know. I'm not a corn historian I don't know the first album was like raw and crazy and I was like this is fucking insane And then they got all their emotions out so the second one they were like all day. I drew about sex and you're like That's fine. I still like corn. I don't corn I don't watch it. That was your first trip? That was the first ski trip. Quicker not nearly as good. My first ski trip ever was a freshman in high school and it wasn't different oh it was a different school we were an old boy school we were an old girls school too. So there's guys and girls on there up to seniors. Love it. It's also we started last September it was like December so I'm two months of a freshman right? Oh

yeah. And we go to Camelback which is like December, so I'm two months of a freshman, right? Oh, yeah. And we go to Camelback, which is like where we're in, right? And I go with one friend that I knew from the neighborhood who also went to my school. And we had to get there like five in the morning. And I used to get car sick when I still do. I get car sick, right? So we get there, I hadn't eaten, it was five o'clock in the morning, we're on this bus and we're driving up there and I'm getting sick, right?

And we're toward the front of the bus and we're sitting together and all the seniors are in the back the guys the girls They're standing in the in the aisles. Everyone's like trying to hook up and everything and I feel myself getting Nauseous when I know that I'm gonna throw up right now. My friend is sitting on the inside I'm sitting on the aisle and I keep telling I feel like I'm gonna I don't feel a man I'm telling you I don't feel well and I I'm like I feel it coming So I so the kid behind me who I didn't know yet. man. I'm telling you, I don't feel well. And I'm like, I feel it coming. So I, so the kid behind me, who I didn't know yet, he goes, are you okay? I go, no, man, I'm really nauseous.

He goes, why don't, I have a little bagel left. Why don't you try a piece of my bagel? And that was what I shouldn't have done. Yeah. Oh no. And I'm like, okay, so I take a bite. And it was like, I got onion, garlic, whatever it was. And I just remember, you know when just, you know when you drink it, it goes down the wrong pipe, whatever, I take, just to taste, I felt it hit my taste buds and just it was. And I just remember, you know when you drink it, it goes down the wrong pipe, whatever.

Just the taste, I felt it hit my taste buds and just shoot down and I was like, oh my God. And I knew that I was gonna throw up. And there was a bathroom in the back of the bus. Of course. Thank God, but not really. So I'm like, I gotta get to this bathroom. It's got that little blue shit.

It's not, you don't flush it. I don't know. It's like a porta potty. I never made it It was like a huge bus was like 65 people and I start to go back but Music's on people are throwing the football like everyone's talking It was the year that the Giants went 10 and oh, I think whatever you that was okay And I started I'm like, excuse me, excuse me No one's listened to me this bigger the kids seniors are like at that time when someone's 18 and you're 13

Oh, and I'm like and I'm not getting past and I got through a couple then I was in the middle of them all and I'm Like I have to abort because I'm gonna throw up and I can't say in the middle of them all so I Double back to where I was going and no one's gonna throw up. I don't know what's gonna happen I get to my seat and I turned and as I was turning, my friend looked at me and I put my hand up to my mouth and I violently projectile vomited and it shot through my fingers in a way that made it go like spray.

And it, 90% of it went right on him. He was wearing a full white sweatsuit. Oh, my God. He was wearing white on white. And I'll never forget the look on his face. Brutal. It was a look of horror. Of course.

That it was happening to him, that he was witnessing it the smell he went like Is he the bagel guy? He no he was down the baby. I was sitting behind me This was just an innocent bystander and it went all over his white sweat out ruined. We didn't have Anything to ski with we were skiing in that Wow so so everyone started to smell it was like yo, what's that? What's that? What's that? And then some senior turns ago yo that kid right there threw up all over himself. Oh and I don't know and I'm just like I was so nervous and I didn't know what to do and then they didn't care what anyone had to say. There was no setting the record straight. He was also like it was like the beginning of the saving private Ryan. He liked

Bukis yeah And then the rest of the day we went on the trip and he had to ski in that outfit and all day long people Like yo the kid who puked on himself. He's just a ski in the pew. He took it for me. He took the out for yeah No teachers like hey, let's get you a fucking show. No, you're not it down and like the stain on him was there all day You know, that's fucking brutal Love you guys stay friends. Yeah. Oh really to this day. Yeah Oh, I haven't seen him probably since like the end of high school, but he was my friend from when I was a little kid Gotcha. Yeah, what have you been plotting your downfall this whole time?

Fuck that's wild dude damn who knew we'd have a Criterion of ski stories those are great ski stories those are both great ski stories this kind of segues Uh-huh into what I was gonna take for the podcast yeah Thursday or Wednesday, I don't know I was 21 21 or I was 19, my son threw up twice in school. So they call me, they're like. How old is he? He's two, two and a half. He's in school, daycare.

Daycare, he's in daycare. Like yeah, pick him up, he might be sick. I feel bad. And so now I'm like, oh my God, and I'm like, oh my God, I gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, gotta go. I run, I get him, and I'm like, I'm learning as a dad that I need to use my fuckin' brain,

because I don't think so I'm taking them home and he was like oh We walk by this place layers as a cupcake place and he was on that cupcake and I went of course you got him But he's throwing out. He's throwing up. You get him a cupcake. Yeah He immediately licked all of the frost oh Cupcake the frosting and within six seconds. Yeah Crazy of course, I mean of course Of course you have a your dad that milkshake

Can I have chocolate laxatives immediately was like what a fucking idiot you are dude of course. He doesn't know? Yeah he's a baby. He's a baby. Yeah you're the guy that's supposed to teach him something like this. I'm supposed to know. Yeah. Is he at an age yet where he throws up, he cries and he's still not really know what, like he throws up and just like oh I threw, I don't know what to say. I can't tell if he's crying because I'm laughing so hard.

Okay. Yeah. You fool. You're a fool. As you finish the cupcake. Is this, I'm sorry no No, I'm just going to say is this the son that now no longer wants you to read bedtime stories Yeah, you've been the same day. Hey same day. I can't trust you anymore

He he likes my my reading the stories now and that's gotta be tough It's kind of tough when your kid cuts you from story time The fuck out of your nose knows I can't read so good You go you go to the wall to look at the roster like shit. I got cut It's kind of rough, but there is part of me that goes like I'm tired I get out of here Of course. Yeah, I'm like, oh, you know what, see you later. No, I hope not. Hell divers for me, baby.

That's how it starts, and then you're living in efficiency and back in Bloomfield. You don't see them ever. You're like, this is so much easier. This is so much better. But he does stuff, though. I think he's manipulating me, because he'll do that, and then like five minutes later,

he'll go to eat, and I'm like, he'll see me buy the cash while I'm at the store, and he's like, da da, da da lap? And he'll allow me to have him on my lap. Like as a fit, it's like, I know I took story time, but I'll eat dinner off your lap. And then my wife is like, maybe we shouldn't let him eat dinner off her lap.

I'm like, why? He's gonna get used to it. He's not gonna be 40 and sit on people's laps. Take it all now. It might be nine. But check that baby lap though. It's not gonna be all now. It might be nine sitting on people's lap though. It's not gonna be 40, but it might be like nine and pushing it.

Yeah, with the wrong guy. Yeah. With the wrong Santa. He might only be able to have a nice sandwich on a man's lap. Yeah. Yeah. You've created a kink for this kid.

He can only come with a foot long on a man's lap. Yeah, because he's gay. I want to talk to him again. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. So I'll never know. Ha ha ha ha ha. You know already. Ha ha ha ha ha.

You know this podcast is fun but it really makes me want to go to a concert or high profile event. I wish there was a app that made that easy as fuck. Holy shit there is, it's called Game Time and I'm on it right now. I love Game Time. Legitimately, we take a lot of money to say stuff here folks, but I love this app for real because I'm a last minute guy. I love that about Game Time. They prioritize the last minute deals. You can be looking. You can see as the prices drop, maybe there's

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eldest let's do it breaking Benjamin a lot of good stuff coming up but a free a Fleetwood Mac tribute band? That seems like some sh- Oh, Steve Earle, the guy who sang the- who was in The Wire. Anyway, download Game Time app today. Last minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed. That's hilarious, man. Well, look, I love it. We've got a father who's losing touch with his two-year-old son already To ski to ski veterans. I think we've got some real some real life experience here ready to help the people

What do you guys say ready to take some calls and let's of course remind everyone go watch the specials. They're on YouTube Nobody presents Greg stone on YouTube Terrified South volcano all all out there right now go click they're in the description you've had enough of this podcast it's done we're halfway done go fucking watch the specials already come back finish this later you got you got time if you're watching on YouTube you have no excuse you scumbag you fucking pieces I'm getting worked up my fucking friends work hard on their specials you're not gonna watch them I love you go ahead eldest hit us with a question here

what I've solved and guessed what I've solved and Just I have Quite a unique situation for you guys. So I've been talking to this girl for like a month and Everything is good right now. She really likes me. I really like her. We're really into each other, but I Have a stomach condition and I recently found out that I have to get my colon removed and so I have to rock that bag thing you know on the side of my stomach for like eight weeks after I do it I still have like about a month until the surgery. And so do I let this chick know that I'm about to get my colon removed and be shitting out of a bag?

I'm only going to be shitting it out of the bag for like six weeks and then I'm going to get it redirected. But like, it's going smell, it's gonna be terrible, man. It's really gonna be terrible. Do I tell this chick that I'm gonna go through that? I don't know if she'll support me, man. I don't want her to like, not fuck with me because I tell her this, so I don't know, y'all, whatever. What do you guys think?

Should I tell her now or should I just wait and be like, hey, I have to get this surgery done because I practically have colon cancer? Everything's great though right now. Our sex life is great. Our dating life is great. Maybe she won't care but I really think she will. You guys talk it out out and and and let me know please I think guys later We will little buddy how long do you say they were together a month? They've only been seeing each other like a month he said Interesting I like how he's like hey stop. I'm getting a major organ removed Yeah, I have cancer or whatever, but this girl's got really good me pussy

Man this guy and I love it too. This is I know exactly where his brains at I think like four days ago is when I stopped thinking like that as a 35 year old Well look month Here's the thing This is a major thing exactly what else is making fun of him for you for This you got to focus on this bro, and if you had any other major Thing like we had any other major rehab you might take a break from your dating life. Whatever

I think you can tell her. I also think like, are you going to want to see her that much? I mean, I don't know how much, how annoying those six weeks are going to be. I mean, recovery from a surgery like that sounds like it's going to take a while. I mean, I haven't had any major surgery. I don't know. I feel like at least a couple weeks, you're completely out of commission, I would assume. I mean, I'd be shitting out of a bag. Yeah, if you're shitting out of a bag. Yeah if he's shitting out of a bag.

A cool lifestyle adjustment. I mean some people shit out of bags forever though right? He's not though. I shit in a bag. You shit in a bag. For my own fun. Yeah. I shit in an old bag.

I mean I would say there's no reason, I would say this, you tell her about the surgery, the shitting in a bag thing you just don't really have to mention until it gets super close to it. Like when you get close to it you like well this is gonna be a thing it's gonna have to happen but she's near a month into this relationship like yeah nothing it's I mean it's good it's bad who gives a shit but worry about yours also just say you're going on tour for six weeks yeah my band is performing yeah is he planning to have sex with the bag it sounds kind of like it I I'm like, you know

How does because he also eluded the fact that he thinks she'd she'd care like she wouldn't like she wouldn't like it but like I mean this is You gotta have sympathy for the Kind of close to cancer. Yeah, imagine. So who what is this girl like that? He thinks I know what an animal Yeah, I mean it sounds like our friend here might have a little low self-esteem Right like the kind of guy who is worried about fucking things up, but it's a here's the thing If if this fucks it up Who can't who gives a fuck? Yeah fucker. This is like you got to get better brother

Oh, yeah, and so and so I think I mean, do you tell or do you not? You can tell that you're like, hey, I've just had something, I've had like, I think you look at it as if, hey, I have this thing, you're a month in, it's not really like your girlfriend. It's not someone you can lean on for something like this. I think what you do is look at it as any other emergency that would take you out of commission

for a month and a half be like hey I've really enjoyed our time together. I have to do I have this medical emergency. I'm gonna be probably Fucked up for like the next six weeks You know maybe I'll hit you up. Let me let me hit you up when I'm feeling back You know it's good the recovery is gonna be really tough and that way you can gauge a couple things a she might be like cool Hit me up then right or even better theoretically. She might be like I'm sorry, you know, that's I You know, I hate to hear that like if there's anything I can do and then maybe you you don't have to fuck her hang out

You had like you had major're about to have major surgery bro. Like, either this relationship is going to survive this or it's not. And if it's not, it's not a big deal. It's a fling, I know you don't want to hear that. Sounds like she's probably good at fucking, but... It's a good base. If she's the type of person that would hold this against you, that's crazy.

She belongs in the bag. She belongs in the shitbag. So yeah yeah dude I think approach it that way just be honest with her about what you're dealing with like hey I have an emergency I'm probably gonna be out of the commission for like six weeks get recovering from the surgery if she wants to hang out great and then you say let me hit you up when I'm whatever when I'm feeling up to it and look life happens sometimes you hit a girl up six weeks Can she might have met a guy much better than you whatever or she might just hit it off with somebody or she might He's all she might meet a bagless guy. She might be yeah

Yeah, she will come across with at least one bag in those six weeks, but also Six weeks can be a long time. It also not be a long time She might be busy. She might have her own stuff. You just have to let's see how it goes See how it plays and you know, keep just just live your life you sweet little guy and good luck man. That sucks Yeah, but you know one month relationships are not something you need to worry about it, you know compared to Compared to your fucking health and and dodging colon cancer. Excuse my ignorance on this, but do you ever get the follow up on these? We'll get follow up sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Those are fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those are fun. Any today eldest? Probably not. We might. Oh, interesting. Oh, a little tease to me and everybody else who's already on this Hey, Stavi I got two best friends we're all friends we're all married and No one likes one of my friends wife

Especially the women and we decided to mean my other friend the one with the good wife We're going on vacation and we cut out my other friend and his wife. We didn't invite them And he hasn't brought it up to me yet But I feel a comment of why we didn't invite them and I have no cool way to say this guy I do not want to get involved. I don't love his life, but I don't hate her but the women aren't getting along. I do not want to get involved i don't want to like that later but the way they are getting along i don't know just uh... who have like uh... how do i say to my best friend that

no one like your wife i don't want to get involved but it's common to your involved now it's on the you know good here for me you're involved brother of his crazy he's thinking of the way i also love you know the women don't get along It's like come on, bro That's fucking crazy. You can't blame it on everybody else you were a part of this decision

But if he didn't decide then they are the ones that just do it you get you got top of the terry You know I think that's a coward's way I think it's one of those things where it's like Everyone's in on it and if you don't want to be a part of it if you go with the with the crew Everyone's in the same boat. You're as responsible. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You say you've been in the situation. So Are you've been like? Yeah, it's a rough one, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, This is over. What has happened has happened. Yeah. Like, maybe you guys didn't like this guy's wife when they were dating.

They're married. Right. It's his wife. Yeah, it's fucked up. So, if this is your best friend, then what this is, and I hate to, look, I hate to generalize, maybe I'm reading you wrong. I feel like our caller here just goes with whoever

is in the room at the time to avoid conflict. And you have to search how you actually feel Sounds like you might have caved to somebody else's wife You know what I mean? You caved to the one who didn't like her or you're just not being honest Just if you don't really like your friend's wife, then you just admit it and say you were a part of it But don't be like I don't want to get involved. That's you can't do you and this is that's cowardice You're being a coward coward I say something about this this is the thing I learned is like a oh as I

had a friend who I didn't like his wife and I didn't like his mother and I'm just kidding yeah friends they date people you like of course but then they keep dating them right but the thing you have to realize that's your best friend he loves her right they're not for no reason yeah there's a reason he loves her your job is to figure out how to love her for the reason you to find why he loves her yeah and then just lean on that shit like lean on that you gotta find how the reason to like some you could like anybody I think that's genius that's a very good that's very good advice but I will say like he might not be able to grab hold of the things that her husband was getting ahead

Yeah What if it's the bottomless throat? If she's if she's that bad that they don't think they could just suck it up for a vacation also Vacation mentality is usually different right where everybody yeah, so it's like if she's that bad then then maybe it's worth saying something You gotta say the divorce her, but that's what I mean is like. What are the options you this is his wife It's not a girl. He's dating and you cut it cutting him out without saying anything is Fucked up and you were a part of that and now you're guilty And you're just like I just don't want to be a part

Of it, but the second you didn't tell your friend. Hey man heads up We're playing this like what he found he saw Instagram pictures and it's your best friend It's me and eldest and I'm like, hey eldest your wife's annoying. She's not I love her we have literally gone on vacation together, but but it's like It's just like I can't fathom this, and I just have to reiterate the fact of being like, I don't wanna get involved, it's like somebody's like,

I don't get into this politics shit, man. Whenever it's like some major issue, and it's like, look man, I'm sorry, I get that. But you do have, deep down you have some conviction. Most of the people that are like, both sides are crazy. Or just people who are like I don't want to be judged for my belief I have beliefs right. I'm just too much of a coward to say them You have a belief here you might and you might think the wife is bad And then just say it or you might think the other women the other you know if you're gonna

But we're gonna blame this on the women which I think is unfair You're gonna, if we're gonna blame this on the women, which I think is unfair. Ha ha ha. That's the only way to go. That's the only way to go. Put them under the bus. Put these boys under the bus. My wife's being a fucking bitch.

Yeah. She's got some grudge against your wife. That's true. Go throwback. Blame the women and then just get drunk in your garage together. But yeah, just either you actually feel this way about this woman or you caved to the other people who were

Who you didn't really agree with but they were being overbearing at the time And I just think you have to figure it out my honestly my read of the situation though is if I'm this guy and you're My best friend and you just didn't even mention it to me fucked up I this we've got what the trip or the trip the all this stuff. It's like you're you're These are your I'm not saying that ruins a friendship But you're putting cracks in the foundation there where it's like it's starting to be like what the fuck It's like my best friend went behind my back on some shit like this now Look, maybe your vacation was fucking gay shit. He didn't want to be a part of it

Yeah, you're both just go to some hiking trip where there's no beach and there's just like the outside and the fucking wilderness, no thanks, but. Well, I mean it sounds like a part of me is like, you know, if this was me and it's like, you know, my two best friends and their wives like planned a trip together and It's like, okay, that's awesome. I don't know if I would even like and it's like okay that's awesome I don't know if I would even like feel hurt or slide it or something it'd be like okay that's cool that's fun maybe you know like it's a little weird I didn't even hear about this yeah yeah like I didn't even hear about like as a thing if it kind of came up in passing

and you never latched on to it you're like oh they might you could have assumed like, but like if I literally like put ourselves, if I'm dating someone and me and another one of our friends and you don't even, I mean, that's crazy. The idea that our lives are so intertwined that you would miss me planning something, but you know what I mean?

You didn't even get a whiff of it? That's crazy. The no whiff means there's a conspiracy. It means that they planned for you to not even... it didn't even come up. You tell your best friend you're going on a vacation. Yeah, that comes up even in passing. That's what I'm sorry to cut you off, but... No, no, I mean... yeah, for sure.

I guess, I guess like the softest worst-case scenario is like, they're talking about it and the conversation gets to the point where like, you sort of like, hey, you guys wanna come? But that just never comes in that moment in the conversation gets to the point where like you sort of like hey you guys want to come But that just never comes in that moment in the right. Yeah, it's gonna be fun So anyway, what do we get guys on Facebook? He sees a picture of all four of them on like the cyclone yeah Me and my best friends why me my best me my best friends and their non dumb bitch watch Me and my best friends, me and my best friends and their non-dumb bitch wives. I say something kind of weirdly serious about this though.

So I had a friend who, I wouldn't say I hated his, I didn't hate her, I didn't chance. A friend who like, I liked him, I liked his wife, it was fine, but we just didn't click. We never had that moment to really, really click. And like, we just always constantly, whatever. She never let you fuck. She never let me fuck. You were being so nice to her, you click and like, we just always constantly, whatever. She'd never let me fuck. She'd never let me fuck.

You were being so nice to her, you're getting her flowers, telling her her ass looked great, she never even. She never regurgitated. Yeah. Reciprocated. Yeah, whatever. She never vomited on me like that. She never vomited on us on your sweatsuit.

And then she came over one day and she was like with my kid and she was so fucking good with my kid that I went, I see why he loves you. And I went and now I see her through that lens and everything she does, I'm like, I get it, I love her. She's great, this is awesome. Because it was just the wrong steps. We just never clicked for me to get what he got. And then when I saw it, I went.

But you never cut her out though. You know what I mean? We're already. No, I know, I know. This is already, and I think you're making a good point. Yeah, but you're right. There's definitely, your point earlier too of like, you can find something.

He's already fucked up. This is, you guys are fucked. You've done, the thing is, you've killed the guy and now you're like, I don't wanna get dirt on my shoes burying the body. Yeah, you're right. It's like, you did it, bro, it's over. Now you have to decide,'t want to get dirt on my shoes bearing the body. Yeah, it's like you did it, bro It's over now. You have to decide come clean and be like here's the situation or don't

But I don't know. I think you're on thin ice with this these friends This is the exact kind of thing that blows up an adult friend group Yeah, ripcord is you just tell them that you bumped into each other Can you believe it? Or you Photoshop them in the photos. Yeah, you guys were there. You guys got so fucked up you'll remember? You crazy?

Dude, what are you doing? Do the ultimate gas light? What the fuck? And you get mad, you're like, I buy you a sweet for your fuck and you this is how you're paid You put the t-shirt in his break into his house put the t-shirt in his fucking dresser Yeah, remember you had that fucking the the pina colada you put a stain on it you make up a whole thing He's just fucked up shit to Linda by the way You make up a whole thing. He's just fucked up shit to Linda by the way

Linda gets point. Yeah. Yeah, I love it dude. There's a lot of good stuff going on I think actually we kind of solved it for you. I do what I might have to run. That's fine. Sorry. Don't worry about it Yeah, get the fuck out of here. All right, get the fuck out Leave I mean, we're right. We're probably I mean you should go but we'll probably do what a couple more eldest Yeah, we're like 113 right now. Okay. Yeah, we'll probably hit I mean, you should go, but we'll probably do what, a couple more Elders? Yeah, we're at like 113 right now. Okay, yeah, we'll probably hit an hour and a half, so we'll finish it out strong with Big Sal. All right, I love you both. Love you, baby.

That was great. Yeah. Love you. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too.

I love you too. Okay, Greg's son died. But he wants to make sure don't let his death go in vain. Watch the special. He said that. He claimed to have a spot, but he was just dealing with his grief in a strange way. So just being Sal here, we're going to do a couple more. You know, we'd like to give our fans a nice hour 30 minimum here so Nice 90 minute little action movie like they used to make them for for old times sake so

Elvis here's with a couple more questions here, buddy Hey, stop he looked and eldest boys listen. I love you guys you're great On the business okay. I'm 35 Okay, I've been married for like 10 years Okay, I've been with this lady for like 12 years. We got three kids together Okay, I lost a bunch of weight 140 I used to be fat as shit. I used to be big like you big guy Okay, and I lost like 140 pounds hitting the gym and stuff.

And found out in the process that I have a really big dick. I don't know about really. And now I'm like conflicted because I love my wife. What did I say? But I found out I have a big dick and I'm attractive since I lost a bunch of weight and women are like throwing themselves at me. And I'm having trouble dealing with that please some advice my man people are such fucking assholes I'm just a regular guy that's found himself in a

college town full of broads that love older men big dicks and I'm terrified of what could happen so how do they know your dick is big? I love older men, big dicks. And I'm terrified of what could happen. What are you interacting with them? So how do they know your dick is big? Please, help. I love these calls. The calls that are basically begging for permission to cheat are my favorite.

You're never getting it, man. Because you're not just being honest. This is the thing that annoys me This guy can't just be like look man. I My wife stayed with me through this. Yeah, her enjoy my dick exactly say yeah, you don't ever think of it that way It's like this lady held you down, but whatever but I love framing it is like I Mean I'm trying but these women what I'm sure you're trying, I'm sure women are breaking down your door. What even are you, and by the way, dude,

have they seen you with, if we really want to get up, get to this, older guy, 140, how's that skin looking, pal? Are these bitches really trying to grab onto your wombat flaps? You look like those fucking lemurs that go from tree to tree, I bet you, with your shirt off. So don't get too fucking crazy about how sexy you are now. Also, we're all 140 pounds in your fupa, like how did your dick went from you had no idea to really big?

Exactly! What do you mean you had no idea? It's can't, that can't be the case. You never were not 140, you were never like not fat in like middle school and your dick got big I'm a normal game. You didn't yeah girl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you have a normal dick that yeah Just hiding cuz you're so fucking yeah You have a huge and it gets hard now Cuz it's not your your blood is an 80% cholesterol anymore So your wife was with you through that weight and through what you thought was not a big dick. Yeah, right

She's fucked. She's not a first thing you want to do is is and you got three kids three kids And what what let's say you fuck a couple times. What happens after that? What happens? Let's say you lose your wife. You're gonna start doing your chore You don't sound like a guy who does his own chores. I'll tell you that much now Look, we're hammering him because he's being annoying about this. You're not gonna curry favor here by talking about how big your dick is. That was strike one.

It almost happened, but no. Yeah, yeah. I had to resist. That's strike one. But also like this false tone of wit. This is out of your hands. Like these women are, no. You just, people, first of all all no one's throwing themselves at you they're just not

repulsed by you anymore all right and I know it's fucked up this is a fatphobic country you have your swag has to be on a million as a fat man in this in this country to even get some looks I don't know if the people you know I I understand that like I had to build up a Being a certain guy like I'm out on the street. I can fuck more than the regular fat guy but I'm not fucking more than a Just replacement level six four kind of handsome guy Oh, yeah

You know what I mean? like it's just not happens so I get that and what you're experiencing is for the first time people are just Kind of give to treating you as a human being and to you. That's like holy shit, but really think about what happened Let's say you cheat right? What happens after you're found out or are you just not worse too horny all that he hasn't even thought that I will acknowledge That I can't deny that he has a stirring of a feeling going on Of course and that's what I was gonna say Acknowledge it and and you're basically Basically acknowledging it here. You're acknowledging. Yeah, so maybe this is admitting that but but but honestly at the end of the day

It's like, you know, I don't know how much how important is integrity to you. That's true. Cuz here's the thing Cuz it is natural like I'm not gonna sit here and lie that feeling more attractive for the first time and forever and you know he's 35 right I'm 35 if I lost 100 pounds when I'm not married I'd be letting this little dick loose and yeah I might gain one extra inch that's not a huge dick that's the thing hold on a second he's 35 he lost 140 pounds right I could easily lose 140 pounds. Right. I could easily lose 140 pounds. No, I could. I weigh three. What am I at? Three. Eighteen.

Think so. Yeah. I wouldn't have thought. Yeah. I would not have thought. I'm a dense. I'm a dense boy. But let's say I lose 140 pounds. Right. That gets me to one, which is crazy. That is crazy. I'd be like in I'd be like fucking insane shape I know my dick wouldn't be humongous my dick would be bigger than it is

I'd get the inch I have to push back when I take dick pics. I just gain that back normally Hold your hand make it look like you're gripping full, but it's just the top of it You know just cut your hand off just so you really the optical illusion plus the pushback I would make what my dick regular would be what I the smoke and mirrors. I make it look like when it's hard Anyway, so look we get it. We're not we're not sitting here and saying like we don't understand the base Primal urge to get pussy especially if you've been in a relationship for 12 years and you feel like you almost owe it you like I did all this work shouldn't I get a prize

right the prize is seeing going to your children's wedding that's the prize it's not a fucking some fucking grad student at your college town. So even actually, even leaving the message and his voice and like naming these in college, like I would be, I mean, that's risky to me. Yeah. You know? You can get burnt just by this.

Potentially, I mean, we're not snitches here. No, but obviously we're fans. If someone hears it, then yeah. At least we don't say any geographic. But yeah, it is a phone like you could in theory it could come back to you. But yeah, I mean, he said he sounds like he just sounds very dislikable. It's like I don't like it. It's a shallowest form of confidence like ever.

We'll get shattered and like he'll get pussy maybe a couple of times. You're not a better person brother Yeah, this is so skin deep and you're not and then you will run back to you will ruin everything I'm sorry to cut you off. No, no, but you're absolutely right. You're so right about the shallow confidence and this idea I Guarantee you he's over stating how much pussy could get I'll just say it seems disingenuous I found out I have a really big dick yeah and also women are throwing themselves they're not who is I mean I guess what do you do I mean maybe he is hands maybe he did get handsome I don't know but anyway again look it's integrity he is

you're right he sounds dislikable maybe he's just a piece of shit in which case I'll say she this exact thing happened to my father by the way My dad had a heart attack and he lost a bunch of weight and he started cheating Yeah, 100% like and I'll be honest with you. It pretty much ruined his life You know, it's like it's strained his relationship with all his kids he's divorced now It's like but I don't want any kids to become. He's divorced now. It's like one of your kids to become famous Maybe your kid will do it. I mean, yeah, believe me. This guy's doing a number on his kids already without even knowing it But you know, dude, what can I say?

It's like you have you just decide what's important to you and maybe you're a piece of shit and what's important to you is a little bit of short-term Like maybe you want to sign that That the the more you know the mortgage crisis alone like what were they called the fuck? Well you didn't have to put anything down like all those weird more the mortgage Tim Dillon was selling yeah Maybe you want to say maybe you want a subprime loan Maybe you want to go get some you know get a house. You know you can't afford But it's like you know maybe you're the kind of guy that will live fine

Abandoning the woman that held him down and just pay I mean are you rich? That's the other thing, dude You're not fat as shit anymore. Okay. How are you gonna you get divorced? Can you support yourself? By the way, alimony, child support, a fucking, the mistress you think you're gonna have. What the fuck do you think is happening here, brother? We're all for, look, we're not super judgmental here, and if you would come to us

with a little more humility in your voice, we might even let you cheat. But not this way, man. Not this way at all. I feel like these guys need to like, it's so new. This is his new skinny life. And he's just like on cloud nine right now.

Absolutely. It's like, how about this? Give yourself a year to live with yourself. Sure. Let your confidence go down naturally. Let day to day life worry you down a little. And with yourself. Sure. Let your confidence go down naturally. Right. Let day to day life worry you down a little. Yeah. And then you know bills don't care that you're not fat anymore. Right. Try to balance this newfound confidence with just you know reconcile it with

like reality from the outside which is just you're a married father who lost some weight. You're right. And by the way you are like you think you're gonna keep 140 off You might keep a hundred off But you think it's good you're at this even but you're so right eldest because and look again if you're a piece of shit He might on some level know I'm not keeping 140 off I'm not gonna be confident enough to get pussy in three months time. I have to strike while the iron's hot That could be it. And it's like, again, man, if that's the choice you want to make, make your choice. We would, we think it's wrong and we would, you know, and of course, a potential

thing to talk about here, which I don't think is realistic is voicing these concerns to your wife. It's at least more ethical in theory, but who's going to go for, Hey, now that I'm not fat Think I could get better pussy than you. What about like just like we've read redirecting the confidence you're feeling and the newfound probably energy that you have or whatever it is and Just directing it back into the kids, you know, I just find a different place to find a different place for it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that big dick, you know? Yeah. I'm just saying, like, you know what I mean? Like, it's misguide, like, take it and put it,

put it to use in a good way. The answer is because, look, he's our age. We're still horny. You know what I mean? Like, I know what it is to be, I know what it is to be a 35-year-old horny man that's, who is fat as shit. Yeah.

Let alone, like, he just, this is base. And you hear in his voice, he's not thinking, all the stuff we're saying, he hasn't thought about, he needs to hear it, it might not make a difference because this is the voice of a man on page 82 of Pornhub. His dick is in his hand, it's hard, and he's just feverishly like, he's almost cheated a couple times, you know what I mean?

And he's just, he's not thinking clearly It's just you're gonna do what you're gonna do we we wait in we told you all your fucking options We told you how we what's the ethical thing to do now you must make your choice for yourself I don't have a lot of confidence in him though. What about a sexual awakening with your wife Absolutely get a little freaky, get some sex toys in there, you know? Do it that way, introduce it that way. I know, he didn't mention his wife at all.

He didn't mention what their sex life is like. He didn't, no, to his semi-credit, some of these guys will try and throw their wife under the bus. Sure, sure. They'll be like, she never fucks me, you know, all this shit. Right, right, right. Like, but yeah, the thing about the kids is a good thing too because it's like, yeah, are you helping

with your kids enough? Like did you have time to, losing 140 pounds is tough. You have three kids, does she have a job? Does she just look after your kids? Who made it easy for you as a father to lose that much weight? Are you pulling your weight around the fucking house? Is it time for you to pay back your wife for being your support?

System to this we need a little more context Yeah And also this is an amazing feat that a lot of people can do in that situation and you did it you accomplished it Right, so why take that and then turn it into something that could ruin your life You know what I mean like Direction yeah, take that energy and like put it constructively to like make the rest of your life awesome Right, right, right like such a hard thing to do. He's trying to cash it in. Yeah, bully everything else, but your dick Yeah

It's like he found he found like some you know some rare artifacts on a on a dig And he's like he's like instead of taking a museum he's like I'm melt these down for gold There might be a couple gold flex in this bullshit in these fucking clay pots from 4,000 years ago All right, what else we got eldest? Ah the update I love it and do you want to give us some background or will he give us some background? Okay and you want to give us some background or will he give us a background okay uh... update and then a question

uh... way back when you're doing stonely solve your problem during the pandemic yes i called you with a clothing question and i was a fellow man of five uh... at the time and you gotta call me out my bullshit about like XLT's and the T covers your belly and you nailed my height by seven. Right after that in 2021 I just kind of got tired of not being able to find clothes and I just lost a hundred pounds. Fuck yeah dude. Respect. And also went to college.

I did both those things and mostly because I was like yeah I'm kind of being a fat piece of shit right now. Sometimes you have to have that in reality. And I just want to say thank you for that. I've been listening to you since the beginning of Comtown, so. My man. Been a journey. I have a question about something, and again, it's looks. So I have a big beard, but my hairline is fucked.

I have like male pattern baldness, but like it's just like a ring in the center of the top These poor guys eldest is just I can't even I can't even relate to these poor fuckers Lost the genetic lottery. It's like, you know all of us all three have just equally full heads of hair And I don't understand why you're laughing so much And it is pissing me off. I guess it's not nice to laugh in this guy's face, Elders. But yeah, anyway, buddy, we'll try and show some empathy to us.

We have three hair havers here on the podcast and we'll try and answer your question. The Costanza, or even like yours, it just just I'll look like a like some fucking medieval peasant asshole guy but I would really like to grow it out just to kind of look funny much like you have taught me is okay to be happy with yourself there is a limit because I do I mean recording, so I work with musicians and stuff a lot and kind of looking different can help with that. That's true. But the problem is, I don't know how I would go about the, there's a, the middle section

of it's going to look like shit for so long. It's true. Before it looks like kind of okay and a little cool. If it gets there. Before it looks like kind of okay and a little cool There how do I deal with that middle period because it's gonna be like a year and a half I gotta play the long game and I mean like yeah, I know the Common common sense would be like oh just wear a hat But I'm still a pretty sweaty guy and I don't want to wear out hats all the time so any advice?

Much appreciated you rock also hello eldest you also rock and whatever guest is on well they're always fun so have a good day man. Nice kid I like hearing that he lost some weight. You know, I was lucky in that I grew my hair out because of the pandemic. It was like a funny thing. I was bored. I'm truly one of the only silver linings. Yeah.

And I can't imagine not like I should have had this hair my whole life It's so fucked up. I wasn't toothless with this hair that pisses me off to this day The fact that I didn't have this hair with no tooth is so fucked up. Yeah Now look and to be honest you I was taking a leap of faith because I was ready To cuz I had this that same thing. He's talking about where it's like I kind of wanted Pure male pattern baldness because I thought that'd be funnier to have a bald a pure bald ponytail Right sure, but I've loved I've come to love my hair. I love the look and I'm still getting the pony We're cut it's coming soon. I mean I could can get it, but you know, I'm trying to.

You have achieved it. Thank you, brother. Yeah, man. Thank you, thank you. And so it's a little bit of a leap of faith. Now the middle section, unfortunately, I don't have firsthand experience here because, well, I will say this, at least for mine, even though I didn't, my hair,

we need to see what your hair looks like. Because some of this might just be, you just have to take it on the chin. Because I gotta be honest, my shit started looking acceptable earlier than I thought. Because I kinda went into the like Tony Soprano, late stage of the Sopranos, like that kinda, I kinda had like a dad haircut,

and it was a funny look with the stash, with the like, it kind of was funny pretty early actually. It was shockingly, the first three months were fucking atrocious when it was just like kind of sticking out and weird. But it was the pandemic. Everyone was doing it. Everyone was doing it, everyone was doing it.

I had a beard, I never grew a beard in my life. I had it down to like here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bad beard, it's not a good beard. I never grew a beard in my life It's not a good beard yeah Certain point exact with the beard it became like oh, yeah, like it's that long So it's like past like you judge me for it. It's a thing. It's a thing. Yeah, it's a real choice You're just gonna have to take a leap of faith if you really want this what about what about? Getting assisting it? Like you said, mustache, accessories,

helping the look come forward before the hair is fully grown out. Right. You know, like you said, there's a whole, I mean fashion's not just the hair. Sure. Right, so you can kind of like look at it from a clothing standpoint, accessories,

you know what I mean? Facial hair, like you said it's a big beard, but you can do something maybe creative there and it's like, oh, you can, people will see that you're going for something. You might have to, you might have to pair it with some like state other statement pieces with like doing something crazy with the beard, being a weird mutton chops guy, being a weird something, you know, handlebar, huge mustache with a shitty growing out hair. Yeah, some of that's dangerous. Very dangerous. Because a mutton chop guy could also not play great.

You don't want mutton chop. Maybe handlebar though could, like a real, if you're the kind of guy who grows a really thick beard and having a really fucking serious mustache. Like a Hogan. Yes, like a Hogan with, with, with, while growing out a skullet, that could work. But yeah, you're going to gonna have to go if your goal is to get over the top with it I think that's very good advice of like pictures that I think part of the reason my shit looked good fast is because I'm

in the Hawaiian like it was part of something that made sense I mean like Hawaiian shirts cultivate I mean you have such swagger yeah I was the thing I appreciate that I was looking like I had a step and we're like I looked like a stepdad already like I looked like your mom's third husband Already I had that I'm wearing a D read Adidas shorts with like, you know a Hawaiian with change whatever Maybe if you want to go crazy get a fucking earring get a get a nose from maybe a fucking nose weird glasses be a Sunglasses guy if you especially you're being a recording engineer and you're trying to cultivate that I would say if you're committed to this Put put the rest of it in place around it and look for a few months It's gonna look like shit. You're just gonna have to eat it

You're gonna have to you know you said you don't like hats you might just like get a hat in the mix Yeah, you know it's not doesn't have to you know, you said you don't like hats. You might just like get a hat in the mix Yeah, you know, it's not it doesn't have to be day to day But I do like I like where your head's at and I like going for I appreciate what you said about you know That's true. I like the way I look I like being able to fucking look weird and do your own thing So find what the rest of your own thing is because your hair is going to be the weak link to that And it's good and until it's not until it's like looks fucking crazy and long and interesting so

This might be not good advice, but like it may be corny, but like you have an endgame, right? I don't know this corny, but like enjoy the journey right like if you you're cultivating a new look for yourself It could be fun. It's like when you're decorating a new apartment It is fun I mean like figure out what works you like play with stuff and and like maybe you'll surprise yourself and go somewhere You think you're gonna go and I mean people you know you could literally tell them. I'm doing something here I got I got an endgame here. You know I mean like oh, yeah, I love dumb people You know many people told me to cut my hair

How many people stills Joe lists hated my hair you might still hate it But he was like what are you doing with the hair people people that saw me when the payday pinhead was over over. Yeah, people like alright. Well now it's time. No it isn't You got to stand up for yourself and I agree enjoy the journey I like looking at I like looking at different stages of my hair like it is baby pictures Yes, like I'm looking at like my son when he was seven Look at that funny little it's kind of sticking out, it's fucking cool. So yeah, good luck little buddy. I love what you're doing.

Send us a picture of what you're working with. I'd also love to see some pics. What do you think, Al? Just one more to take us home? Yeah, let me do a little fun one. Dude, give us a fun one. Hey, staff. Hey, I'll just hope you're doing well. I just got a simple question for y'all.

If you could go back in time, tell your 24 year old self any advice what would you what would you tell him all right that's about it boys have a good one take care buy a bitcoin i know it seems stupid as fuck right now. And the one kid who's talking about it is a fucking weird piece of shit with fucked up eyes. But just just do it. Figure it out. Buy just buy a hundred dollars.

Forget about it. And then 10 years you'll be a billionaire. This is nice. I like this kind of prompt. There's a 24 year old prompt. That's a tough one because like this kind of prompt. This open ended 24 year old prompt. That's a tough one because like I'm going back. That's half my half.

Exactly. You don't want to sound trite with the advice. But I mean like, you know, I don't know. I'd have to really think and let it simmer. Like where my head space was at at 24. A lot of times you remember like, oh, I was here. I lived here.

I had this job. But it's it's it's different to sit and take a little inventory with maybe what your perspective was and what your insecurity was like and stuff like that. I don't know. So I don't know if you're a person that like, you know, because that's so young still, you know what I mean? So young. So young. But that's the biggest thing I would say is that like, you're not an adult. Like, I mean, you are, but it's like, I like you're not an adult like I mean you are But it's like I don't feel like an adult now, right? Yeah. Yeah, you're never gonna stop like that's true. That's true Yeah, I guess that's your 24 is an adult whatever but I just I just I do remember not feeling I had it figured out

But it's crazy because I look at my 24 year old self Like I was a little kid like that's the year that I lived it that was the best year of my life 24 I was living in Baltimore It was my last year in Baltimore before I moved here and it was like I've described it before but it's like Second semester senior year. Yeah, it was like I was that was like the best local comic. It was all potential It was the first year like I had a girlfriend in college or whatever But it was the first year that I like we had broke we were together for a little bit We broke up I was sad for a year and then that was the year where I was like, whoa

I can get I was broke that lived in a you know worked at a paint store rent was $300 a month and I was getting pussy off of just my My natural Rent was $300 a month and I was getting pussy off of just my my natural Charisma, I was I didn't have anything right and it felt and I'd overcome all my hang-ups and like you know and I get it's just tough because I Think I should have advice for my 24 year old self, but she just Somehow worked if I don't wait where I'll be like, don't change anything, you motherfucker. Don't move one way, don't move another way. It's, a lot of it's gonna be horrible,

but just fucking somehow it worked out. We didn't have to move back to Baltimore. I guess, but the general thing of like going to any 24 year old, it's just, I don't, I mean, you know. I got something for you. Yeah, hit me. And I've been feeling this lately because I'm finally hitting an age where like, you know, I, I, I see myself aging a bit. You don't feel that until it happens.

It's wild. So it feels quick, but it's not a slow process. But when you look back, you're like, where did the time go? And that's true. Everyone says life is fair, all that stuff. It's so true I'm out of position now my parents getting all you like I'm in that war I'm like wow like the blink of an eye I was that and I will tell you I was told this it's common knowledge everyone says like oh you enjoy it You're young. You don't know how lucky you are. I would just stress how lucky you are Yeah, to be 24. It's like you're at the beginning. You know, and like you're gonna want those days back. You know what I mean?

It's like you're in it. I mean, every moment should be like that. Like in 20 years I wanna be, you know. But really, like if I could just go back and you have so much life ahead. I mean, no, you're so right because I think that is the advice is that right now it is awesome.

It might not feel like it, but that's what I just said. By any metric, the last year was the best year of my life. It should be, right? Theater tour, I was able to do things I never imagined possible and my dream, right? But I am telling you I was happier that 20, living with roommates, 24, broke as shit,

doing, feeling good at like what, I felt like I was leveling up at the thing I loved. And so I would say is like, you are in an incredible time in your life. And I would say don't worry, yeah, enjoy it but also don't be so precious about this. If there's one thing I would have changed for real, and you know, we joke about don't change anything,

it's that I was weirdly, I mean, it's funny to think of standup as like a job, but I was too career focused in that I didn't live so much life. I didn't have some experiences. I spent a lot of time in in You know at open mics. I went to you know, Magooby Magooby's joke house. I'm watching I And I'm not saying I would change too much of that because I think it's good if you're latched on to something at that age That's the age to get really good at something

But it's also go have a couple fucking experiences go just be a human being and just enjoy life at that age But it's hard to say because then I say that but I'm like if I did that would I be here, you know It's funny. I actually wish I started then interest. I started later. Yeah So there's some there's some element to it where it's like everyone wants to thing they didn't have Yeah, because sometimes I do think like damn my youth was like Spent in shitty bars. Yeah Going to open but driving from DC to Baltimore I guess if I had you know specific to me, I think it would be like

work on your fucking Take therapy more seriously. I'd kind of stop therapy then and work on your relationship. It would be like specific relationships I fucked up with women probably or just like star because I don't think any of those women were I was gonna marry them but it was like I Don't know try and figure your shit out Try and figure your shit out a little bit when something rears its ugly head Try and figure your shit out a little bit when something rears its ugly head Examine it instead of pushing it down sure sure you know

Because I had to try to get to know yourself and who you are sooner than you would have if you weren't thinking About that you know yeah because the older we get the more we feel we know we know more experience more if we know who We are you know I don't think I wasn't really thinking like that back then But as I get older I'm getting more and more sure of like who exactly sure yeah You know I would also say like it's barring exceptions like You just get more and more responsibility as you get older. That's true and your time Even if you have a job and you work great, you don't realize how much right now your time is your own Yeah, your time is your own right? That's so true man. Yeah, you don't know again barring the exceptions. I get you know Not everyone has a great life, but you don't

Even if you think you do you do not know how good you have it right? Yeah, that's true Enjoy enjoy just being able to just you know on your days where you don't have to go into your shitty job Getting high with your boys and playing shit playing Xbox and yeah time man It's the one thing that you can't get is time and you have it. I don't know eldest What would you say to 24 year old eldest Sula? I? Don't know this guy's got us fucking getting philosophical around here We're spinning our wheels I'm like fuck. I don't know. I mean bitcoins not a bad one. I'd probably say sorry

That's my alarm that says no smoking junk only eat fruit No junk food Come on you have no idea how much fatter you're going to get. Now is the time to not be fat. That's awesome. Because right around nine o'clock, I'm like, maybe I have a little little joint in the middle. And by the time I know what it's 12 o'clock, I literally would.

I tell myself something like that. That probably is it. It's get your fucking place under control for 20 minutes a day. You have no idea How much that'll pay if I think about? Yeah, I know how easy it would have been to be oh my god Just get my shit together how I was bare like I was so close to not being fat if I just worked a little Bit if I just skipped like one meal

I mean we talk about all the time how fucked up it was Like one meal. I mean we talk about all the time how fucked up it was How we weren't fatter when we were eating that much ice cream how we how we just spit on those young Metabolisms and took them so for granted and then it's we were eating two fucking pints a day You want anyway, this is just turned into this just turned into us feeling our mortality. So anyway, good luck to our 24 year old buddy. Have a good ass time. I guess my real advice to you would be if you find something you love,

latch on to it, but still remember to be a human being and do a couple things for your long-term health and honestly open up some fun the same way. It's like the buy Bitcoin things kind of a joke, but it's like invest in those invest in things that have compound interest right just like think about your life because you I Remember thinking like who cares about my 30s. I couldn't even fathom that you're right It's never too early to start making really smart choice Which is so pathetic to say like this is the most washed old guy shit to say to a 24 year old but it's like open up a fucking IRA

brother fucking eat a couple more vegetables and just I wouldn't change I honestly wouldn't change my 20s other than the like health stuff because I was lucky I was one of the few lucky people who did know what they wanted to do from a very young age and I actually, I did love that. As much as I say my youth was wasted on that stuff, I would have sprinkled in a little more time for myself but if you find something you really like, just keep fucking doing it because that was,

that was the best I ever felt was like just get feeling like I was learning how to be a comedian but good luck little buddy. It's a great time in your life felt was was like just get feeling like I was learning you know how to be a comedian, but Good luck little buddy. It's a great time in your life and just you will if you don't you know, you will continue to get fatter or more unhealthy in some way and uh, You know, this is the best you'll probably look ever Enjoy that too, you know but uh

Fuck dude life is so bullshit. Life sucks, Dick, and we're successful. I'm not. I mean, I told you earlier, I go to three therapists. Yeah. Anyway, we love you. Have a good time out there

being a 24-year-old. Have some fun, and, uh, some fun and check in with your uncles, Uncle Stavi and LD every once in a while. But Sal, thank you so much for coming on, brother. It was great. Thank you so much. Such a fun pod. Thank you, guys.

Shout out to Greg. He had to go buying a very small coffin. Oh, my God. I can't even make the joke. I can't. No, no, no. He made it. I made it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's for the Halloween decoration. This comes out October 2024.

Anyway, watch the specials. We love you guys and we'll see you next time. Bye bye. Bye!