Stavvy's World - #82 - Raanan Hershberg and Joe List

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

Raanan Hershberg and Joe List return to the pod to discuss Raanan’s new special BRAVE, being beloved vs. just liked or respected, writing sad jokes about your dad, whether their childhood birthday parties were cool and fun or weird and sad, autism, and much more. Raanan, Joe and Stav help callers including a guy whose girl is saying she loves multiple people after cheating on him, and a woman whose sister’s boyfriend is hitting on her. Watch Raanan Hershberg's special BRAVE out now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gMz4nrdX9w8 Follow Raanan Hershberg on social media:  https://www.raananhershberg.com/https://www.instagram.com/raanancomedy/https://www.youtube.com/@RaananHershberg  https://www.tiktok.com/@raanancomedyhttps://twitter.com/Raanancomedy  Watch Joe List's special ENOUGH FOR EVERYBODY out now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkE8_bHaXiU Follow Joe List on social media: https://www.comedianjoelist.com/https://www.facebook.com/comedianjoelist/https://www.instagram.com/joelistcomedy/https://twitter.com/JoeListComedy/https://www.youtube.com/@JoeListComedy   Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to Stavisworld 904 800 stop. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. What a beautiful couch we have today. Ronan Hirschberg, Joe List, two beauties. Thanks for coming boys. That's hurtful. Why? Cause you're being sarcastic. No I really didn't. If it was just me I wouldn't think it. No, I really didn't. If it was just me, I wouldn't think it. But really, because he's here, I'm like, oh. Well, one has the inner, one has the outer. I thought you were being half sarcastic just for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I sort of split, Los Angeles team, when you said beautiful couch, I thought you meant the couch. Oh, no. It's a nice couch. No, it's a bullshit couch. I never realized you could be referring to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The couch is an entity, as the guest.

The metaphorical couch. Also, I'm sorry, I was giving you nutritional advice earlier, that must have been was giving you nutritional advice earlier no I've said this before about you but you have if your face is just so much fatter than you are it's like so right now it actually I am like who the hell dare this guy but earlier when you had your t-shirt on I was like okay yeah I would like this body but you just got fucked face-wise used to suck in the dating apps because I'm actually naked I look pretty good because all the fat's right here. So it would be like an equivalent of everyone else on their dating app just having a picture

of their stomach. You see the worst you know. Joe's taking umbrage with you saying you look good naked. You saying you look good naked is one of the wildest things I've ever heard in a podcast. Just a crazy claim. You look better than your face. You have to understand it's all in relation. When you see my face, you think you'll be like a face. It's a pretty good, it's a good, it's not that. I don't have a big gut. No, I get it. I fuck better than anyone on earth. We're just throwing things out. Number one in bed. You know what I'm talking about. I actually look, I look.

I can tell. You know. I may not look great naked, but it's like. Uh. Uh. Uh. It's like if you were like a little person, or a big dick, it'd be like a surprise.

Sure, sure. I wouldn't have said naked, I would have said shirtless. Because naked, then you're also kind of putting your. Somehow I don't look good shirtless. It's weird. No, I look pantsless. I knew it. Pantsless, yeah.

Winnie the Pooh would look good. I got thin legs. I got thin legs. I got thin legs. Now, penis though? What are we talking penis-wise? It's pretty good. Okay.

Well, it's everyone who's been invested in it has said they do definitely talk about how it has a lot of girth, right? Which is of course means no oh you said a joke about me cuz I had a girlfriend who said she really loved my ball I say the average Attention you didn't have to drop it of course. I had to drop it was yours about my balls to Yeah, all my ex-girlfriends are talking about how cool your balls are. Yeah, Ron's like, well, if you can do it, I'll do it. You can give me permission.

Yeah, I've had honestly unrelated, like, four women tell me I have cool balls. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool specifically. Like they have a 90210 shirt and sunglasses. 90210. God damn, you are old as shit, it's over Joe Oh no, but mine was I meant to say The Hills The Hills

What are you Fonzie? Al Jolson They're really into Al Jolson Shogun That's not really cool It was yeah, I'll jolson. They're really they're really the l jolson There you go Was actually about how she said I had big balls right and you were suggesting in your bed That means my penis is small. I thought I can't I only did it twice and then starburst called me into the cease and desist We were outside of the stand and you brought it up. I didn't say you have to stop doing the bit. But Ronald said to me, I met this woman, we hooked up,

and she said I had great balls. And I was like, that's not what you want complimented when you reveal your dick and balls. Right, right, right. There's something so obvious that should be complimented. Right, right. It's not the balls. I guess it's sad that I didn't think of the joke.

Yeah, you might have too much weird body confidence. I think I'm dumb, but at least I of the joke. Yeah, I I yeah, you might have too much confident weird body I think I'm dumb, but at least I have nice balls. Yeah You always just thought that was a true compliment. Yeah, I do have nice balls Round yeah around and they they they're you know, they're They're voluptuous Like Aries have you seen Aries testicles? I haven't. Oh my God, it's crazy.

Long, Elders has long balls. I have very long balls too. Mine are like, mine are red on the side, see from chafing. It's like a tan Mohawk and bright red on the sides. And like, I would say mid thigh, these things. Mid thigh, damn bro. I'm telling you, they're longer than my dick.

They like, oh wow, lanky ball. Mine aren't lanky, maybe that's why they're beautiful. They're fucking, you know. They're tight. They're tight, they're very tight. I'm with you, I have a similar ball situation. Mine are tight as a cup. Sounds like we have similar balls.

Yeah, I wonder why that is. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think fat guys have nice round balls always. Yeah, that's part of it. You know? It's classic fat stereotype. I don't think so. I think if we found a bunch think fat guys have nice round balls always. Yeah, that's part of it. Classic fat stereotype. I don't think so. I think if we found a bunch of fat guys, we would have, in a group of fat guys, I would

bet money we might have the two most beautiful pair of balls within them. I mean, I like to bet money, but I don't want to have to be put in that situation. Is it because you don't like identifying with the fat group? No, it would be the circle of fat guys. But you'd be, you'd look good. I'd look good. That's true. Well, we wouldn't look at the other fat guys.

It would be like a scientist would be looking. Oh, I see. It'd be like two-way glass or something. Never mind. Two-way mirrors. Really hot, man. But yeah, balls. So you told him.

You don't have to host. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it, man. I didn't say that. I never had to host. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. But yeah balls Yeah, no, that's anyway good for for you, man. I'm glad you, you know, you're working on, you said everyone here is on a little fitness thing

going on, I like that. Well, I'm just always trying to maintain. You gotta maintain. When you look like this, you wanna maintain. Right, right, right. I'm also maintaining. You're maintaining. All right.

I have practical goals. I'm just, you keep it at yeah low level morbid obesity Yeah, early entry phase. Yeah But yeah, I'm trying to like count you know calories and is there something you could do face wise Do you think actually Palufo's telling me there's something you can put on like some kind of thing you can rub on your face Actually, Palufo's telling me there's something you can put on, like, some kind of thing you can rub on your face and actually make it. Acid? A chemical fire? It's some kind of thing where, like, it sharpens your features.

Oh, interesting. Oh, really? Yeah. Like a makeup? I don't, yeah, some kind of shit. Yeah, she used, no, not makeup. It's like, it's like a, it's like a, some kind of thing you like rub. makeup. It's like it's like wash. I'm like a wash or whatever some kind of thing You like run rub. Yeah, it's like a metal thing. It's like Chinese people do it can make your like face more

Chinesey yeah You got close there real close Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I get, yeah, I know. Well, there's nothing I'll always have, I mean, I guess not always. I keep on thinking I'll always be chubby, like there's nothing I can do. Yeah.

And then you see someone with your exact size who fit and you're like, oh, anyone could be like, like same, you know. Yeah, probably. I feel like you eat well. Whenever I see you're eating a salad and it's just shooting everywhere. Most of it's not even getting in my mouth.

Yeah, I don't know, I don't know. I mean, I don't look that bad. I'm sorry, man, relax. I was just making conversations. So, balls. I feel responsibility in the center. You don't have to feel responsibility. You don't have to feel responsibility. We should say, let's get the plug out up top.

You have a special out right now on YouTube. Out right now on YouTube. It's called Brave. Brave. And you can go, you can see it on YouTube or you can go to BraveSpecial.com. I just bought that, which makes it sound really retarded. BraveSpecial.com. Oh, God.

I bought that today. it sound really retarded Brave special it redirects to Hannah Gatsby's new special Yeah, special calm but braves the title that's a good title. Why did you buy? It's too late now Why did you buy the domain is like an ease of people? Don't you that's good to do like a little good domains so I can just say brave special calm right redirects to YouTube and redirects to YouTube Where's that confusing? Whatever. I don't know just go to YouTube brave Brave special calm we're gonna have to spell my fucking chewy ass name. See, that's a great point. Yeah, you got a weird name.

I'd be a lot bigger if I had a, you know. What do you think, what would we go with if you renamed yourself? One time I was doing a gig at the Marion County Fair in Marion County, Kentucky and the red neck guy reading it off went, our next comedian is Ronald Herrington everybody He on the spot Ellis Island you Just fucking D. Judy Would you go Ron Herrington I Was walking to that it was on a pickup truck. It was that a race

I don't walk into that it was on a pickup truck. It was that a race I felt like my identity had changed. Yeah, it was like a blue collar guy. I don't know Think that's too much. I think you should go Ron Hershey Ron Hershey's good cuz Hershey seems like a chocolate immediate dinner. The album you got chocolate on it. Yeah Ron Hershey. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a.

Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a.

Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a.

Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. Hershey seems like a. bad. Sounds like Port. Hirsch is too, I don't know, that feels like a nickname. Hershey feels like a real... Maybe just one name. Hirschberg? Hirschberg? No, I wouldn't have chosen that one. Ron Berg. Ron Berg. Aaron Berg's cousin. Yeah! That would be awesome. He has to do a duo act.

Ron and Aaron Berg. How run-ber. Oh, they... I'm not great. I'm not great. I'll take 20. That's alright man, keep shooting, keep getting them up. I'm not great at marketing, but it's probably not a great idea to really pivot now. That would be funny if you just started a completely different career as Ron Hershey. Different material, dress different. I would love it. And then how much would it hurt your feelings if that alter ego just explodes?

I would love it. I'll take any kind of success. As long as it's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. I guess I was thinking you would have to like I don't know Ham it up a little you know be a little shittier. Well. I'm jealous I mean, I guess you it's funny. I'm like there's no way you could get successful with a weird day

Hey guys, we're breathing we're breathing fresh YouTube air. You've both been released from the Patreon, don't worry. We're on YouTube, you know, get out there, feel the grass, you know. I know, I remember we were like, I think, because before Zach Galifianakis, I was barely an open micer. He popped like right after basically. But I remember being like, I'm I'm probably have to change my name and I was like I think I should be stav rose SdV and my last name are OZ and have a little rose and all my fucking shit I was thinking of all like that all this funny like a like a nightclub like a lounge singer

But let me ask you this what do you do cuz I get jealous when I see people like have like us Like a tour dates, and it just says like joe list calm What do you do like do get jealous when I see people like have like us like a tour dates And it just says like Joe list calm. That's awesome. What do you do? Like do you just put your name calm? I think it's Stavi dot biz. Oh So I went with a funnier like an on purpose shitty I'm trying to make Stavi the shorthand that's tough too though because if you like vi Vi it's STAVVVY. Yeah exactly. Yeah. So but you know it's always gonna be an issue. But you are there to make me realize that I can't use my weird name as an excuse for my failures. You're like weird name fat face it really can't happen.

I'm fat fat you're fun fat. That does much better. That is true. I'm like not fun fat. Yeah. That's very hard to do well. I would just say that's just you're not fun fat, that does much better. That is true, that is true. I'm like not fun fat. That's very hard to do well. I would just say that's just you're not fun. I don't think it's the fat issue. But no, no, no, but when you're fat, you wanna be a fun, like, pricey, fun. I'm like fat and sober and sad. Yeah.

That's not a character. You could improve your personality though. Like that's, you know, you're just like, you're talking, you're like, yeah, I complain a lot. That's just, you know, that's just how it is. Yeah, I guess it could be sorry man. I mean listen. I think you're great. You're on the podcast We're fans here, but yeah people like me. I'm not I realize the other day that the seller party Everyone's like I was like, I'm not beloved You Feel like people like yeah, I'm not

I'm not beloved. You're not beloved. You're not beloved. Is that, yeah, you just, you feel like people are like, yeah, hell yeah, wrong answer. Yeah, like you just, when they see, like you see people's face lights up. Yeah, you never get a light up. Like Michael Rowan comes in the room and everyone's like dancing with him. I'm like, no one's, like everyone's like, oh. Has there ever been a community that really, like, do you remember a time where you were beloved at any point in your life?

Like middle school, some kind of team, family, anything? I mean, I'm, I'm, I'm liked by individuals. Right, right, right. You know, but like- For a period of time. A period of time. But I'm not, I don't know, it's like I'm not like, no one's like, I don't know, I guess the party guy or the. I get that.

I'm not like, I'm not fun. Yeah, yeah, what do you think, why do you think that is? Why am I not fun? Yeah. Oh, I forget you go real personal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Where were you an annoying child?

Like what are we talking about here? I got bullied a lot, then I bullied. Right. I'm not a little funner, I wanna get. Hurt people, hurt people. I'm a little fun, right? Yeah I bullied right a little father. I want to get people hurt people Yeah, you're funny guy You are funny, you know what I mean below you want to be remembered for you know, yeah, you don't That's the best the fun. That's the whole most layers lie is if anyone gives a fuck about their legacy, right? I love when people like I'm building a you know, like what's the other word legacy?

Sports to talk about all the time. What is it? Anyway, whatever legend legacy. Come on. Let's get a little thesaurus go legend Whatever who gives a fuck but you want it you want to be like you want to be you know the one I'm there is one out there that we're not quite getting sports bill russell's Legacy legacy but dynasty eldest kidinesis or stack on for fuck's sake we're over here armistice wedding it's

legacy synonyms is going to be a big question here it is he's with the heirloom uh... these suck these aren't even close. Bill Russell's spin-off. Hold on, keep talking. What do you mean exactly? No, it's over.

It doesn't matter. Same words, I can offensive. I'll get it. Legacy. Yeah, you're smart. Ronan's smart. Yeah. Ronan's very smart.

He has that. Smart. Smart am I funny? But I'm not. What about when you were a little kid? I can give you some tips. Well, we're here to party. I've observed you for a long time.

Yeah, you are. You're definitely a boy. Not by the people. When you're a little kid, I can give you some tips Observe you for a long time Not by the people Always happy to see Joe read comments and read it and stuff and I'm like god damn bad People hate this guy. I'm like, I think I'm like one of the most popular guys Yeah, yeah, what's your like what were your little kid birthday parties like maybe there's the root of being fun I think I'm like one of the most popular guys. I'm hunts comics. You're a great guy. You're a lot of fun hunts comics. Yeah, yeah. What were your little kid birthday parties like? Maybe this is the root of being fun.

I do remember I had a Halloween one, eight years old where I got a Dracula costume and I was so excited and I got all ready. And you sucked all the fun out? No, no. I put it on, it got all together. And after I looked in the mirror look great I realized I had no one to go trick-or-treating with

Lost in the mail Yeah, interesting twin is interesting because then there's always somebody to compare yourself to a pretty much every stage of life like almost a direct Compete you know what I mean? Yeah, she's like. Oh, she's getting her period now. Yeah My balls haven't even come in yet. What is my period coming? one time I told her we're both We're both like the movie twins except. We both Danny Devito and all. She started crying. Yeah, that's what I mean. See, it could be worse. You could be a woman with your face.

Is that why I'm not beloved? You called the woman Danny Devito. Well, I saw what I realized way too late. When I make fun of myself and someone else, the fact that I'm also making fun of myself doesn't make it better for them. Right. That actually makes it quite worse. Interesting. Oh, yeah. If they consider it better for them. Right. It actually makes it quite worse. Interesting, oh yeah. If they consider themselves better than you.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's like George and Seinfeld, he's like, come on, we look great, you know what I mean? Right, that we. The we, I've noticed that people aren't so excited to be involved in a we with me. Interesting.

Yeah. So what is the first, do you remember your first birthday? Well, I don't think I'm, I think I'm liked. Now that it's getting serious, I'm liked. No, no, no, it's not. I'm curious. I do think you're like, sort of break the rift for a second.

I am, this is just an interesting, this is just an interesting topic of discussion about little kid birthday parties. And I think it says something about you, about what kind of party you wanted. Like, for example, I feel like, you know, I remember one party I had, we would. I feel like you know I remember one party I had we would have parties that you know Chuck E Cheese

Obviously is the classic when you're like five or six I remember remember had a fucking party at Chuck E Cheese and then the wreck sure someone comes from money. Yeah Wait so you've known each other since you were six. Oh, yeah since we were four. Oh, yeah listen to the show But that was a big one and then we would do like we do like a skating Remember for what for some reason like the our recreation center was like a big place for parties at a back room get some nice is do a little skating you know Movies remember when to go see spice spice world yeah, I was a big Spice Girls fan Where you yeah, yeah, and me and the boys with the guys funny ironic or unironic Yeah, I just want to fuck those hot chicks it was not for any other reason reason. Even back then I was like, that's kind of gay, but the movie was pretty fun.

Yeah, we had a good time. Fuck you, we had a good time. It was fun, I had a great time. What the hell do you mean you're broke ass parties? Just me, you and your grandma eating pizza in your fucking apartment. I had beautiful parties, my mom. Yeah, they were in our apartment, they were at Chuck E. Cheese, Mr. Moneybags. You broke motherfucker. But the Spice Girls movie, they had Bob Hoskins, right?

I believe so. Looking back on it, it was a pretty, like they had some good people involved. Yeah, looking back. It's not good, but I've revisited since and it is more fun than I realized. As a kid, I was just like, it was half I wanted to fuck the Spice Girls, half I loved the grooves. Yeah. I loved pop music as a fat little boy. Well, yeah, that's okay.

Backstreet Boys, that kind of thing. If I ever like, if everyone saw my Spotify, it'd be like really embarrassing. Yeah. I mean, not all of it, but it would definitely be like every fourth song is a Disney. Oh, wow. Like from Aladdin. Really? And you didn't want to talk about the other rift you want to just bring that up

Like let's get off this. I'm feeling embarrassed Musicals I like Disney there is they the winner with Disney song comes on like I remember I was watching on a Not not recently because I've I've been sober for a couple months now trying to be sober this year But we would have nice hungover Sundays at this apartment when everybody lived here. And one time Hercules started auto playing on Hulu. And a Disney song does hit the spot. Just like a great musical. Yeah. Yeah. But you can't you can't put that you can't like keep that going.

You're like, this is for a man without headphones on. There's a room to plays music without headphones. It's never like it's always like a pretty aggressive song. Yeah, it's never like Mello. It's never like a folk song. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, never like nothing relaxing. There's no like Brian Eno.

Yeah, it's never like how many roads must a man walk. Hold on. I know those jokes got some people don't really listen to that music. What are we doing here? That's not pussy foot. I always thought it would be a funny sketch on like a Chappelle show or someone black doing this. It would be really bad if anyone else. Where they're just a commercial

showing black people headphones. And they're like, what the fuck is that? Yeah. That's good. Like, who's calling the headphone? You put it around your ears. Get that shit away from me. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But obviously I imagine it for Keon Peel to do it. Sure, sure, sure, yeah. Let's get that on Keon Peel's desk. Let's get that. Let's get that on Kim peels desk Guys get the band back together we got a dynamite idea With the $25 million movie. Oh, fuck. Joe, what were the White Trash birthday parties looking like? Me?

Yeah. I went to Papageno's one time where you made your own pizza. That was cool. Papageno's like a Boston pizza place. I think maybe spread down the East Coast a little bit. I've heard of it, yeah. But we went and got to make our own pizza. There's a photo of me throwing the pizza up.

It's so funny, because you love Seinfeld. That's literally like a whole restaurant in Seinfeld. Oh yeah. It's like, you know, make your own pizza. We did that and yeah, we were mostly at the house parties. Yeah, the paper plates. We had a small ass little house, so that's why you had to go out.

Right. You know, I do remember, actually, now that, remember, I don't even know if you made the cut actually I don't think we were friends. I had a my that's a really sad depiction of my fourth board by the way We had a really small house. So we had to you know, yeah I did have I do remember one in the house party where I was like four or five And I really wanted little Caesar's Pizza because of the commercial because I like the pizza pizza guy yeah and then we got it and I was like this pizza sucks and

I was pissed off. It doesn't say pizza pizza. Yeah I was like there's no little cartoon guy and that's when I was betrayed by advertising for the first time where I was like. You realize the jingle has nothing to do with the food itself. And I also had a McDonald's birthday. That was fun, the play place when you were a little kid. Oh, I think we did a Burger King.

Yeah, those were fun. I remember Burger King had those little silver paper ashtrays. It was like cardboard. I don't remember those. I feel like there's a class divide now and just similarly but reverse in the childhood there's a real class divide between me

and your old stories. Well, what is your, because all you said is my sister didn't want to go trick-or-treating with me. I'm not wasn't rich but I was like okay. The only Jew in Kentucky. Yeah well your family. I was Jewish poor which is upper middle class. Yeah well you listen your family got stationed in Kentucky by Israel to go kind of oversee everything My mom's a teacher my dad was a reporter, but we didn't have McDonald's party. Yeah. Oh really? Yeah, not good those are too shitty for you. Yeah, what are we talking? Just like at the house? What kind of parties barbecue? This is my original thing

What kind of birthday party did little Ron on want and is this the root of What kind of parties? Barbecue. This is my original thing, what kind of birthday party did little Ronan want and is this the root of you not being fun? That's what you know. I don't know, I had a bar mitzvah. See this is actually, I think I'm on to something. The fact that you can't even remember a party when you're a little kid. You always destroy me on these. Last time he was like... Last time... He had you back on? You were on? I thought this was your debut. Wow. It's been a while.

You are a charitable man, Stavros Akis. Check my cap. It's not good plug, but I'm a good comedian. Check out the special. No, it is funny. This is funny, dude. You know what? It should be beliked.

You're beliked. Your next special should be Ron on Iceberg. You're beliked. You're beliked. You're beliked. You're beliked. You're beliked. You're beliked. You're beliked. You're beliked. You're bel funny. You know what it should be?

Beliked your next message should be Ron iceberg beliked Perplexing is you're such an amazing comedian. Yeah, but no one likes The point I'm trying to make is, yeah, you can't even. Boy, Beliked is an amazing title for a... I call it the handicapped now. You can. You can take it back. BelikedSpecial.com is a lot less embarrassing than BraveSpecial.com, I'll tell you that

much. You've got to find me a brave, mentally handicapped inspirational special dot com. You're beloved by me, buddy. Yeah, thank you. My only point is you can't even come up with a, like when you're a little ass kid, you're like the, I remember like wanting to have a good ass time at a party and you're, the two things you've come up is not going trick-or-treating with anyone and you're bar mitzvah you can't even remember a party that you was a little kid. I remember I was never I was always nervous I always find I find the other fat kid and we go to the buffet. We had a couple of those. That kid is kind of like when you find the other black guy at a party and you're like, what's up, Doug? You're like, jeez.

You find the other fat kid, you nod, and then you go to that. The fat nod. And then you just go back and forth with the buffet. Sure. Last time I was on here, I thought it would just be like a fun, casual time, and then you're like, immediately like, you talk about your mother so much in stand up, but you don't talk about your dad.

I was just starting to cry. Yeah, I like to watch a special and just to have some questions. I have since then worked on so many talk about your dad. I'm just gonna cry. Yeah. Yeah, I like to watch a special and just have some questions. I have since then worked on so many jokes about my dad that have not worked. It is tough. I will say, because I tried that saying, because me and my dad have a much worse relationship than me and my mom. And the first like two years I tried anything, nothing would work. I think the fact that you could tell I cared

and it was hard for me was coming across, but it's since I've been able to, like I think I had one on the first special and I cut some stuff out of my last special because I liked it so much and I felt like I didn't have time to do it justice. So I'm keeping it for the next hour and so it's like more family stuff.

But yeah, it is hard when you actually care about something and you're sad about it and you're like trying to laugh it off I feel like people can sense that you don't really find this funny either. I actually have a good relationship with my dad Oh you do It's complicated but yeah, he's just not overtly ridiculous like my mom got my mom's just like yeah It's like I don't even have to like I just like to it's a cliche, but the jokes really do right them Yeah, yeah, but like my dad. It's just like, it's like I don't even have to, I just like to, it's a cliche, but the jokes really do write themselves. But like my dad is just like,

he's just a nice guy. He's just like a corny guy, yeah. I mean I've tried to, I don't know. It's hard, it's also hard when like, you wanna make something funny but the joke's not obvious and then you tell it and you're like, oh it's a real had to be there situation. You can feel it as you're saying it.

Yeah, oh yeah, when you're like, everyone's kind of, because you've been doing well, so everyone's on the edge of their seat for the punch line. And you know that seven seconds where you know the end is coming and there is nothing that's going to pay this off. One of the worst seven seconds. Exactly. It's that had to be there moment where you're like, oh, I'm just telling something that is funny to me, but to them. Yeah. I remember once I was seeing a comedian on stage at a club and he was like, my grandmother died today and I didn't even want to come out but you know, I just whatever. And he kind of like got serious.

And then he tried closing his set by being like a couple funny stories with my grandmother and he told like two and they just bombed. And it got like literally zero. And I remember like like being so the cringiest thing I've ever seen. I was like I'm gonna have a lasting tribute. And the whole crowd was like what? It's just not that man. And it was it was really bad.

Yeah not everything can be Tig Notaro talking about getting breast cancer. It's like that's a one that happens once. That's like half of my specials. Tick Notaro. Yeah, Tick Notaro. Get it. That that's like, well, it is true. To combine both what you're saying.

Sometimes when you really do care about something, it's all lost. Just like you're actually angry about something. Yeah. Your feelings have to be a little dead inside. Like your feelings have to die a little for the joke to work. I think so. That's why people like bill burr so amazing It's like yeah, how do you like with him? I'm like, how do you maintain that that anger anger? Yeah

Yeah, you know probably psychological. I'm not a compliment. He wants to hear. Yeah Despite all the success But uh, yeah, I guess I wasn't a big party guy But uh, yeah, I guess I wasn't a big party guy. You know, I hate to dance. You hate to, I'm not a big dancer. I don't like dancing. And when you do parties, dancers are fascists. They just grab you and throw you onto the dance floor.

And so like, I always was like, had to like, not just dance, but like get really far away. It was like scary. Yeah, I was a little nervous to dance, but you'd have to dance a little bit. Why, I feel like Joe cuts a fucking rug. It's like a mother's mother Yeah, yeah, that's all I like to do I do think if you had gotten it maybe one middle school dance You just bite the bullet and dance your whole life's different No, cuz I know like I've tried to dance come on can't

be that bad and then I do it and you see that look in their eye we're like oh it really was I'm turning everyone off like I was like have an open mind I made you dance but this exceeded what I thought would be bad. You dance like a college football coach after a big win. Yeah. I don't know how to dance. For a while I just pretended I was on a treadmill. This? You're just doing this? I was like this, like an elliptical.

But it was like too obvious I was doing that, you know what I mean? I was checking my heart rate. You're really in your head about it. But I just don't, I don't I feel part of dancing is Rhythm is rhythm. I don't have rhythm To be beloved you gotta have a little rhythm. Yeah, maybe I don't like I don't like touching people I see I see you know I mean yeah, and

Touch I'm like I'm a hugger. I'm a back miss I'll massage my platonic boys really I like yeah, I'm like yeah, I'd give you a massage right now if you're right here and Get into those meaty shoulders. You know I'm saying yeah, well what do you mean hopefully I can take the space You're gonna have to match that belly to that face You're gonna have to get fatter. You're gonna have to match that belly to that face. What's up with you, Joey? How's the baby boy? It's good, he's good, he's good, whatever.

Good, I'm just tired. I'm very, very tired. It's very exhausting. I always hated those people that were like, you have no idea, and you're like, well, no, no, I get it, tired. Yeah, I know what being tired is, idiot. I understand, but then you're like, oh yeah,

it's, I'm exhausted, but it's great. He's hilarious, we had a great moment today. I was whispering in his ear and it was making him giggle. Oh nice. Like I was just saying like regular things like, today I had pasta for dinner, that was really nice. And he giggled? And he was like this, cause it was like ASMR

and then he fell asleep. Yeah, that was good. It was beautiful, it was really beautiful and touching, but yeah, I'm exhausted, but it's great Has he done any new moves? All kinds of new rules. He rolls both ways. He holds his bottle with like one hand He'll just do it like this and suck that thing down and we just started feeding them food applesauce He loves it, how's the diaper changing? Is that like bad or is it okay?

What? What? What? I can't ask that question? No you can't. It's just a funny way to ask it. The way you tell the story is funny. No yeah, it's regular. I don't know. Yeah. Just change it. W. I don't know. Yeah. Just change it. Wipe shit off some little balls.

I don't know. You're dealing with shit now. You didn't deal with shit before. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think about it. It's just kind of, it's funny, sweet. Once it's your kid, I feel like you just do whatever the fuck you need to, I guess. Yeah.

Well, the problem is the little trash can, the poo trash can, after like three days, every time it opened, it's quite a scientific thing, like it just opens for a second, and the fucking room, you're like whoa. You got a little baby kitty, like a kitty litter thing for his shit? Nah, it just sits in there and you open, once you close it, it's better.

We have those little wooden sticks, we light and do this, and then if people come over, you gotta throw it away. But we did just somehow, when know, when you're packing, we had a road trip. And when you're packing now with a kid, you gotta fuck it. There's so much extra shit.

So your brain is just mushed because you're not sleeping. So we forgot to take that trash out. So we came home. And what, the house didn't stink when you came home, but when I opened it, it was like a fucking. What are like, me and Kate are the clearest apartment now between you all and Kate and Steve and their cats. Oh, I don't think so.

I don't want to bring it back to you, but one time Ron had opened his closet and his recyclables just poured up. He keeps his recycles in the closet. That's fucking hilarious. And then Ron had also had an electric bill that was like, the landlord was mad. He was like, what the fuck?

And then later that day, Ron was like, I don't know, something's up. We were leaving and I'm not even joking. 100% of the lights and television and laptop were on. And I was like, I don't know, do you wanna switch a couple of these off? And Kevin. That's 11, that's 11.

Keep the lights off. That's like a 11 thing. Well, this is what's so interesting about Ronon is you're such an intellectual. You're one of the smartest people and funniest by the way, people I've ever met. But then, so you think, I don't know why I think intelligence I think closes the cabinet. No, very scatterframed sometimes.

I'm very, I'm smart about a couple things and very dumb about many more things than I'm smart about. Oh, you know what I wanted to ask you about is your habit of taking baths. Yeah, well I got Like the water bill is really big is there have you noticed any leaks? I'm like in the bath Do you think about every day All his books are all wet and shit. You know when like a book gets wet and expands? His books are all like this wide and like flopped up and gray. That's so fucking crazy.

I literally, in college, I even took a bath in like the dorm I had. Oh my God, in the dirty-ass dorm. I remember like, oh, like I couldn't graduate because I had this fee from the library and the fee had all these books that just said waterlogged. You're a little, in some way, you're still would read in the bathtub. The fee had all these books that just said water logged And so when you're still would read in the bathtub I swear I read that's what oh the bathtub's where you read That's where I get all the reading done. Maybe a Kindle. I have what do you have?

Of course waterproof Kindle in the bathtub. There we go. I think I don't do Kindle. I don't know I know you take two baths a day two baths a day. Well, I need a you know, I didn't escape from Fucking insane Like a woman who was shit. Yeah Rana and I were writing a film together and then we know we fell off and then the other day This is literally sounds like I'm joking about some part of this I gave Rana a book about the Holocaust that was this thing, 900 pages, I assume it's just floated away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He came over, he's like, I read that book, it was unbelievable, it was a great book. And I was like, I gave it to you four days ago. I'm holding an infant, I was like, we should get back together and write. And he's like, I'm just too busy. I'm literally holding an infant and he just told me he read a 700 page holocaust book in four days while I'm holding a crying kid. He's like, I'm a little busy, I don't know. And he takes two baths a day.

Holocaust books take priority. Yeah, of course. I'm like, ah, I guess you can't squeeze in enough power, Lee. We're neighbors, we can. And while you're eating lunch, maybe go over some ideas. Yeah, pop over and throw ideas out That's fucking hilarious. I do have like a whole bookshelf of waterlogged Holocaust books That's awesome when did the bad start bro were you a young as a boy? Did you take baths? That's what the birthday party was

I don't know. I do know that my mom loves bass And my sister so I think it's a genetic thing. Yeah But um, it is not I mean, I love us. I go to the steam room almost every day I love a suck water hot tub steam room shower water. Yeah, take a long shower. What's the temperature? Are you doing like a nice is it hot the whole time? Are you well? So everyone whenever I say I take baths we're always like oh you get so cold but I'm like amateur hour what you do is like you put it to the top it starts to eventually leak a little and they just keep filling it up and it just keeps on getting hot and then

eventually you have a really big water but it's not like a recovery thing because I like it's not like from from working out. Yeah, if you lift weights. Yeah, I don't know. It's funny to be doing recovery for like I'm reading about the Holocaust too much. Well, and it starts in the morning. Yeah, which is insane. Yeah, I think in the morning, morning, that's how you start your day without it. It was zero. You're like, I need some relaxation. I woke up. That's how you start your day. Without, it was zero momentum. You're like, I need some relaxation. I woke up.

That's a bath is really insane. Yeah. That's the first thing. Well, I'm worried, like, we're thinking of having kids. I mean, I don't know, not anytime soon, but I'm worried if I have kids like, or maybe it's really gonna cut down on your bath time. Yeah, I might have to only do one bath a day.

How many baths are you getting, Jeff? How long are these baths? I'm taking very few baths. How long are these baths? I'm taking very few baths How long are these baths? Like an hour I do work though, I write and read It's not as leisurely as you think It's a lot of work on it

That's like how a fucking aristocrat in the 1800s worked He's like draw me a bath Well I'm like Kramer when he's in the shower He's like what are you coming out? He's like never me a bath. Well, I'm like you like Kramer when he's like in the showers like what are you coming out? He's like never That is fucked up to womb. Yeah, I guess that's true. Yeah, you know, that's true And then sometimes I like put a host in my mouth and have food shoved in You stick the umbilical cord up your ass you booth a sandwich

Water in general it reminds us of the womb embry a sandwich. But the water, I think water in general reminds us of the womb embryonic fluids and stuff. I can see that. I like water. I'm not, I like a bath and I'll take like, I've been trying to work out and my feet are all fucked up so I've been walking a lot and I'll take like an Epsom salt bath and I'll be in there for 20 minutes

to just like not, and that's a good feeling, but the idea that you would spend two hours a day well the second one might not be that long okay sure an hour 45 sorry 90 minutes a day in the fucking bath I don't know it's become I don't know when it started but it's become and I think there is not just me yeah there's more of us out there. They're growing by the minute. The bath leeks, they're there. And you just did, like now you live with your girl, but like I assume when you first moved to New York, you must have like four roommates or something.

Oh, you haven't heard the story of Jeff Ashmith shitting his pants? You haven't heard the famous Jeff Ashmith shitting his pants story? No, I haven't heard that. Because you were in the bath? Yes. Wait, can I just ask,

before I hear the story, he thought shitting his pants was better than shitting in front of you? Or just me getting out, which I would have. I mean, this is mostly about him being an autistic retard. Sure, sure, sure, sure. But like, I was in the bath and he was too afraid to like, knock. That's crazy. So he just shat and like- You only had, it was one bath, one bathroom?

Yeah, yeah. With how many roommates? It was, uh, it was me, him, a one bet one bathroom. Yeah. How many roommates it was? It was me, him and one other. He went one back with three people and you're still taking our baths. Oh, yeah. That's my opinion. We're getting closer to the.

We're getting we're getting really close. We're getting a real point of contention. Yeah. But yeah, so he's chattingat in like a bucket or something But that's like I mean I know I'm like I'm eccentric in that story. Yeah, but he's I would have I mean it's I'll call it a push Every roommate and I don't have roommates now Which is my girlfriend but and I said to every roommate if you I don't have roommates now, which is my girlfriend, but I said to every roommate, if you need to go in, I'm jumping right out.

The fact that that's a conversation that has to happen is insane. The fact that you need a bath protocol, a bathing protocol is fucking crazy. For some reason it makes people uncomfortable if they have to pee suddenly see a naked waddling man waddle. Yeah, yeah. I don't like this happening across the hall. Yeah. In the same room. Yeah dude, that's fucking wild.

Yeah. So even in high school, like I'm trying to say when they started, do you remember just out of curiosity? Are you like Cal Ripken? Like it never stopped. Just from Boyhood on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the street.

I think it started in, I think it must have started in college. College. Maybe you're not having a good time, you're anxious. Yeah, but it definitely calms me down. Calming thing, yeah. It's like a break from the world. I think for the last 10 years I remember thinking,

I'd go there and just be away from my phone and read it down. So it's like, I really found it hard to be away from my phone. So I literally had to submerge myself in water to be away from my phone. And it's like, I get it because if somebody else told me they meditate or they were in a sauna, it's just so funny that it's an

Old-fashioned drawing of a bath. Yeah, because it is like just a foot. It is like I don't know. There's something just Just I don't you automatically you don't respect it as much as any of those other things, right? Well, I guess it's you maybe a feminine a little maybe there is a little less than a feminine then it feels like Like you said like wealth It feels privileged Village and especially when you have other roommates it goes from privilege to like yeah. Well look fuck everyone else It's kind of like you know now. It's like your own thing, and it's like yeah, but it's but I was a bad Bad roommate I would have hated me.

Oh yeah. That's an interesting thought experiment. I would have hated you. You living with you. No, I wasn't. I mean, that's the thing. It's like certain things, you wouldn't be a bad person until you're in that situation.

Yeah. Like a lot of people, once they have a kid, suddenly can become bad in a way they never would have become bad before. You know what I mean? if you like to notice something higher if you have a kid like if it's almost like just a dick but they don't have a kid right they're being addicted to the kids like malignant evil you know sure sure but I roommate was not good for my moral development. Made you bad.

But now I don't have a roommate, just my girlfriend. It's just your girl you abuse. With your luxurious habits. Sorry, we can't pay the water bill. I'm eating foie gras in the bath. It's like. Yeah. Yeah, she'll take a shit right in front of me.

It's fine. That's good. That's good. What, I had a question before. The shit, and I really, I'm not like, I'm just curious about this. One time I went to summer camp. Okay.

And this is a little gross story. Please. But probably, it's disturbing as a bath. But I had a prank I was gonna pull. Oh, this is a fun thing I did. I did a prank. Okay. I already love it.

I was like gonna shit in a box and put it outside the other cabin. Okay. Not that fun of a prank. Okay. I already love it. I was like gonna shit in a box and put it outside the other cabin Not like silly stringing them Someone told me do we were like you're looking up hated But anyway, I shat in the box and then as I picked it up I got a whiff of it and I almost threw up Because shit outside the water right the water. We don't I never realized until that moment important the water water into Big dissolving the smell yeah, so but baby shit. It's not like the same right no It's like not okay. Well. She's sorry. I was always like you know baby It's not like oh, yeah

Yeah, no, it's not a food now. I don't know, Louie's always like, you know, baby should say, you know, it's not like smoke. Oh yeah, no. You don't open it and just start throwing up. Yeah, no. It's not a big log. Yeah, okay. But it's a little schmear. He drinks like, yeah, formula. So you're saying- It's just only formula. He's not having like hot dogs and IPA

and chicken and cheeseburgers and greasy. So you're saying my shit as a fat 14 year old is different than a six month old's shit. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And it stinks, but it's also like, woo, that's funny, it stinks, his baby's cute. He probably knows it's cute, yeah. Is the shit the big, what are your anxieties

of having a kid or is the shit, it seems like you're pretty hung up on the shit thing. The bath, having to go down to like, still two baths, but the second one being like only 20. That's a worry of mine These you're not joking I know Well, I'm sure there's nothing the diaper is like a joy. Oh, yeah, that's fun. It's just sleep The sleep is the tough part and then the cry. Well, how about this cries a lot loud? Yeah You could in the bath while the babies awake in the middle. You. You could in the bath,

while the baby's awake in the middle, you can feed it in the bath. Yeah, I could just take a bath with the baby. Take a bath with the baby. What he said is illegal. I don't know if that's illegal. One thing you should know is that baths can be quite dangerous for babies.

They don't know how to swim or anything, so they could die. But they might be dying doing what I love. At least he died doing what I love. Yeah, don't fall asleep. Actually, don't take bath with a baby. Hot water burns a baby. Yeah, so hot water can burn a baby?

Yeah, like in Rain Man. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that what happened in Rain Man? Is that how he got like that? That's how he gets taken away. Hot water went into his ear and it turned his brain like that? No, he got taken away from his brother because he burned the baby. Yeah, you know how people now say that. You guys don't know everything about this movie. I haven't watched Rain Man in a while.

It's a hell of a picture. You know how everyone like now who's like a prick is like, oh I had autism and then we're all like. Autism is big in the like excuse community right now. But I'm I'm like, Rain Man wasn't like roasting people and making people cry. Right, right. Rain Man wasn't like, you fat piece of shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right, right, right. I was a caretaker for an autistic guy. He didn't insult one person.

Really? He didn't, you couldn't even understand him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Autism has exploded amongst comedians who have gotten in trouble on Twitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hacked too. I think it's gotten to the officially, it's the hack thing of this last couple years. Right.

Well, I know, I guess things change, but back in my day, when someone had autism, they didn't have to even tell you. Right. You just knew. Figured it out, yeah. Yeah, so this idea that you have to be like, I have autism. Just so you know I'm autistic.

The minute you're saying that, I'm like, that's not the autism I grew up with. Yeah,'re saying that I'm like that's not the I grew up with Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I grew up with the person you just saw it. Yeah far away. I'm with you I don't think that many people are autistic. I think most people are dickheads that say that prick and autism are like different Like I think there was like a little bit of Asperger's for a second Everyone was talking about before got a bag of my own autism I think a lot of like a lot of the symptoms of OCD or so because after a while people started claiming to be autistic so I was like let me see these symptoms because there's some people that I yeah close

with that people keep telling me they're autistic right for sure not I looked it up and I was like oh I have like many of these symptoms and I'm not even close to autism. Right. Right. Like one of them is like you're annoyed by noises other people don't hear, which I have all the time. Like my wife thinks I'm crazy.

I'm like, I gotta move. I can fuck if somebody's talking over there. And that's also OCD and anxiety. Well, it's also like my rule is if you've got it laid more than me, you don't have autism. Because you can't have autism and then laid more than me you don't have autism because you can't have autism and then fuck more than me. Being a pussy hound is not a symptom of autism. We get it Mark's not autistic. Boy do I get a lot of emails about how autistic he is.

No, it's a, I was a caretaker for a guy with autism in 10 years ago and it was not like you didn't, well first of all, you'd have to tell people and he couldn't tell people because he spoke like this. He spoke like Adam Sandler and like mother I come in and his mother's like oh he's in the other room masturbating he'll be out in like damn and then he comes out fully naked whoa and he's like his mother understood. I just jerked off. You feel awful? Come on. Seaman is better. I guess Billy Madison was probably autistic a little. That kind of makes sense. Who's autistic? Billy Madison. Oh, Billy Madison. Maybe he had a learning disability. Oh yes, and he went back to school.

And he couldn't really hack third grade. I never got that movie. I'm like, is he just a retarded person? No, I think he was just a spoiled rich kid. He's just immature. Made no sense. He's so immature it looks retarded. That was a tagline.

That's pretty much it. You're actually kind of similar to Billy Madison. The bathtub. I do. I do fight the ship. Yeah. But no, but he was he you couldn't even understand what you're saying. And his mother understood perfectly. He was like, and she'd be like, OK, we can go there later.

And then and then any time I move, hit my hand, like move your hand for a second. He'd be like, really? You put it back. where it was. Wow. And then we would go out to restaurants, this is exactly like Mark Norman, we'd go out to restaurants and if someone moved to ketchup in the, like, 20 feet behind, he'd just suddenly go, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, totally go my best friend's brother-in-law or my close friend's brother is similar very similar and it's like he can't yeah there's nonverbal there's like yeah there's yeah it's a huge spectrum and it's most it's definitely not the majority of all these people are not just guys who are kind of dickheads, right?

It's just not who there's that there can't be that and like hey, you know, I called you fat for a whole year I have autism like they can't be in the same Why we should specify also that mark mark is not ever a dickhead. No, that's the word several people Yeah, we've overtly talked about two separate people. Yeah, I don't want them to be combined. Okay, that's We're just matching people of autism. Yeah, I'm pro Yeah, I'm pro personally it was I'm on the spectrum I know I know every Oscar winner by heart every World Series winner by heart. I get upset about noises

I don't hear quotes that you like you I am the star My quotes that are not even like memorable you're like, you know, how are you doing? Remember that from? My Starbucks TV don't take the tea bag out. I get furious. I'm going for it. New special. I know that's what I said earlier. Yeah, I have OCD, but that's my new OCD. He's not getting enough respect. I'm going to crank it up. Well, I, I'll list autism. Yeah. Autism special.com. I looked, I put it up. Boop.

That's good. That's who you're opening with. Boop. Put the water down. That's your opener. That's your opener. Hold it in your left hand. The woman who like, his mother was so depressing depressing but to the point where it was like funny in

a really horrible way. Like one time I just came in and she was just on the phone in the lobby going you don't understand I have no help everyone I know is dead. Oh my god. They're all dead. And she's just screaming that. That's crazy. And then then another point

that was in the street walking ahead of us and she just turned to me. She goes, someone should push us both into oncoming. Oh, my God, dude. Yeah, that's insane. And you were like,

it's so sympathetic that I was trying to present that as like a funny. It's horrible, but yeah, it's also like funny when some just show up. Yeah, yeah. And this job was just, how did you end up with this job? It was like in the ads.

Like in the, what do you call it? One ad. Classified, yeah. Really? A little while ago. Wow. 15 years ago. And you were like, that's for me?

I can't imagine you were good at that job, were you? I mean, there wasn't much to do. I just wandered with him. We'd get kicked out of restaurants You can kind of be autistic to do the thing Yeah, you never had to like, I don't know, dress him? Did I dress him? I may have blocked that out. Did you undress him?

Yeah I undressed him Did you have to kiss him on the lips? He didn't get blown at 330 I don't know I think I said I was like I took care of my grandpa when he was six. Gotcha. You were hard up for cash. Oh yeah.

Where was this? New York. In New York? Oh when you first moved. Well before I even did comedy. I first moved to New York like 12 or like 18 years ago. You went to school in upstate New York. SUNY Purchase.

Yeah SUNY. Yeah yeah yeah, we talked about that. Yeah, but it was and then you moved here afterwards just to be a guy who lives in New York and takes care of the autistic Well, I you know you move here for comedy or caretaking two big C's I was writing screenplays. Okay. Oh, so you all because I know you got a the Kickstarter for Short film coming so that but that was always like your first love was me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I really stand up as It was not my first dream. Yeah, and I'm not even crushing that Not even crushing the thing I'm above. Yeah. I think it's beneath me.

Yeah, that is tough. That's why I'm not beloved because I think it's beneath me. Right, that might be some of it. That was an interesting observation too when we talked about the film Rocky, which is a masterpiece. Right, it is. And Ronan hates it. Oh, crazy.

I don'tan hates it. Oh crazy Ronan said he doesn't relate at all to the idea of like a down-and-outer rising up to the challenge because he feels that he's yeah is Superior to that is doing worse. I feel like I've done better than I should have me too. Yeah, cuz we're losers My rocky movie we got being like boxing's me too. Yeah, cuz we're losers Losers my rocky movie would be a guy being like boxing's fucking gay. Yeah You're you're you think you're Apollo Creek. No, I like inspirational. I love sideways sideways About an annoying guy who doesn't get pussy

Yeah, the universal story. What the fuck? Sideways in Rocky being the same genre movie is so fucking funny. I don't know. I'm just not into the Rocky. I'm just not into the underdog retard running up a steps and he's supposed to cheer. I'm just not into that. But he wins. That's the thing.

That is what's beautiful about it. He loses. Well, but he Victory yeah, yeah, he goes all 12 rounds. He goes the distance, which is a huge Way, and he wins. Here's all you know about me. I don't like rock you that much I mean, I recognize that there's good stuff in it. Mm-hmm, but I love million dollar baby where she she dies Yeah, she instead of wins or she trips and yeah So great She dies at the end. She instead of wins or she trips and yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just thought that was so great I mean none of this is fun. You're like the fun

Cuz Rockies like yeah you put in the work and all that shit and you get the girl and that well The girl is like somebody you might have been a caretaker for like in the first in the first rocky Adrian is that's the weirdest part She's shy that yeah, that's the weirdest part. She's shy that yeah That's the weirdest part of that movie remember that scene where he like fucking stabs the pillow or whatever He goes to her he goes through a thing. It's like him and her one-on-one, and it's like real Real it's a sexual assault vibes. Yeah I said this on the podcast people got really upset with me like he didn't rape where you pieces, but it's weird It's weird yeah, and she's presented as someone with mental not that he seems like the brightest guy in the world anyway but he stands over her

and kind of blocks the door he does yeah genre of that what's that movie where the two mentally handicapped people date like Betty and June or what's the one with like in that genre what's it oh my My sister's my sister's I am Sam Radio I haven't seen I'm Sam, but it feels like he shouldn't be taking care of the kid. I'll just say yeah seems like Probably reason was it's all very similar Right. So would you put Rocky in that category? No, Rocky's incredible though, it definitely is.

I know, it's very well made, I just, I don't- And, how about, I'm sorry to cut you off, but- That's not that well made, but yeah. No, it's not. But don't you think, okay, take the movie aside, there's also inspiration in Sylvester Stallone, as an aspiring filmmaker, right? Don't you think there's something incredible about a guy betting on himself,

getting it made, they offered him multiple times to just buy the screenplay. But he was like, fuck you guys. But there's inspiration there that's an even better story, I think, than the than the rock. Judging the art on the art's sake. That's like, sure. I mean, I guess. But in a way, I also judge it outside of the movie. Yeah. That's like what we're here. Sure. I mean, I guess, but in a way, I also judge it outside of the movie.

But I judge it in a different way, which is like, I just don't like when actors, I mean, I know he portrays himself as stupid, but I just don't like when actors put themselves in this hero, same thing with Good Will Hunting, where they're just like, it's just like embarrassing to me. Like, I want an actor to make themselves look worse. Like, I started watching the curse

Nathan feel here. He's not playing himself, but even all his shit. He always just looks like a yeah, I like curb I like someone to look like a piece of shit, right? I don't like the idea of an actor being like I'm gonna be a hero in my movie. Yeah Rocky's profession is to break people's legs. Yeah Yeah, but he's like he's playing himself as lovable, you know? Well lovable's different. So you can't have any positive attributes in your art. I don't know.

You know what it is? I just, I'm not, I mean, Rocky's well made. I'm not a fan of like sentimentality. Sure, sure, sure. And it is sentimental, ultimately. Yeah, I think it is. No, I'm not. But that is interesting because, and it might go back to being too smart actually.

There's a little bit of that to it of like, and maybe I'm being told, because sometimes I can be, I'm happy that my mom gassed me up growing up, but I had it in that my dad definitely did the opposite. So I have this mix of believing in myself and then thinking I'm the biggest piece of shit in the world. But there can.

I do that too. Yeah, there can be something to that. It's an interesting observation, Joe, about not liking Rocky is definitely a piece of the puzzle. You're definitely not beloved. You don't connect to Rocky. Definitely every beloved person loves Rocky. Yeah, more than not, more than not I would probably say.

As a delight person, not liking Rocky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Poking holes in a clearly, you know, just fun underdog story Yeah, like you know birdcray sure isn't like Rocky sucks, you know, he's got a love bird. He's got a love right? He's beloved. Yeah I don't know. I just maybe I should drink more. No, it's not that it's It's over. It's done, bro No, I mean the drinking it not cuz you should quit drinking, but it just wouldn't help It wouldn't help. Yeah, if you want to start get back drinking. No, no worries, you know really get there We're never gonna solve Ron on folks, but maybe we can solve your problems. How's that?

How's that for a fucking turn eldest, huh? That's broadcasted isn't it baby? Watch the special brave brave on Brave, on YouTube now? I really, it's, I'm very proud of it. It's the best thing I've done so far. And tapes at the cellar. It's got jokes, which is- Love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's its own genre now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hardcore. Hardcore. Yeah, yeah. It's real old fashioned. Yeah, I love that. You know, but, and it's on YouTube now

and you can go to BraveSpecial.com or just go to YouTube and figure out how to spell my name. Yeah. Look up Roy Hershey on YouTube. Ronald Harrington. Ronald Harrington. That's right. You should do Roy Hershey or Ron Hershey

and be like a drunk, be everything you hate and then that's a funny idea and then that and then that why you blow up that way. Oh that's funny. That would be. Kind of like American fiction. That's right. I haven't seen it but that is the, actually I was considering that being movie night, L. This American fiction.

Interesting. Something to consider. Movie night? What is this arrested development you all have? What are you in camp? We literally hang out constantly. our other friend. We've known It's about to come over. We're gonna watch him This apartment kind of feels like the bottom being to me from Supreme. Yeah, you know, it's like work, but you could just kill some hours

Yeah, you gotta have the the discrete rooms, you know like that that back room where you pay Georgie fifth it's 50 bucks to blowjob to me to get in here. Yeah All the tips were fake not a fan. That's another thing that's not being beloved. I don't like fake tits You you against science you against against moving our species forward? Well, one of the things you said once, it was a joke, but I really related to it. I felt very alone when you were talking about the different size of breasts. And you said the biggest size is called yucky. And I always relate to that because I always do think if breasts reach a certain size, I am not on board with it.

But it's actually a brave thing to say because men always do think if breast reaches certain size I am not on board but I think but no one is actually a brave thing to say because and don't really men don't ever miss that and then I sometimes I'm like the tits are too big and you get that's ludicrous let me just say how I read you because I know that I like that joke too. Thank you, but I Don't remember which then that's on but yeah But the way I read that joke and this is great we have the author here is that that There are All there's a like real old fat ladies have huge tits not if you saw a track boom with humongous tits

You wouldn't find those yucky. Oh, yeah, what were you thinking? That's what I was thinking To toilet yeah, we has weird noises happening. Yeah, you're missifonia or whatever. Yeah, it's making me furious Mama! We're all getting cancer out of this one. Let's not have that be the clip. So funny, I was thinking the exact opposite. Yes. Let's do it up. That and acid. Those are the two big ones. Having a clip where literally everyone's doing the same autistic impression and laughing.

It's our spin on the thing, the guy you were paid to take care of 15 years ago. Yeah, it's okay. He's definitely dead. Okay. Wait, what was the question? Well, how did, when you say the biggest is yucky. Yeah, how do you? Yeah, I think big fat gross tits. Cause big, I mean, even a hot one with giant tits,

they get all wonky with the- My interpretation was correct. So this podcast is somewhere- My interpretation was correct. I had a joke about this one years ago about how I love small breasts cause big ones go bad. They have like an expiration date. They fall off to the side.

They get stretched out. I hate stretchy tits with fat nipples. you don't mean like you can still be grossed out by big tits on a younger woman right Iits but I like big tits too. I like big tits. We're intellectual titans. I him a beating for everything else. So I didn't jump in on that one. I'm generally like, whoa, he's read Russian writers. But I really felt seen by that joke because I feel like men are always like, bigger, better, blah, blah.

Well, you know, that is my, not bigger is better. Well, this is my thing with the tit. I want no full, I want a girl when she's sitting on my face, it goes from torso to tit, the tit comes out. Like that, it's not like a flat, you can't lift the tit. Yeah, there's nothing wrong with little tit lifting, brother.

Like the pencil test. There's nothing wrong with little tit lifting. I'm not saying something wrong, I'm saying I don't like come on doing this Oh, man, that's good stuff. No, you gotta keep it moving before I get hard Miss my spot what the hell fuck Jesus Christ sorry dude all right. Let's get going when you solve some problems. Yeah Ron it takes his phone out. I wrote a joke about run out. He's the only person that is so bad with his phone He gets his own stories get interrupted I was having sex with two women and

Great point my friend who's on this podcast right now I just want to take a break from our riveting conversation I just want to take a break from our riveting conversation to highlight the listeners of this show because we've told them over and over again, hey, give us a five-star review and some of them will do it to the kindness of their hearts, but others, they need attention and we're here to give it to them. So what we're going to do here occasionally on this program when we don't have another, when we don't have a mid-roll advertisement, we will highlight some of our favorite five-star reviews.

You'll get on here, if you're witty, you keep it quick, and you don't, and it's five stars. Take the four stars and shove them. I don't want to hear, this is North Korea media as far as I'm concerned. And listen, you can trash us. You can trash me and Elvis, but give us five stars. Trash us personally. Say something nice about the show and give us five stars. You can be on it.

We prefer if you didn't. For example, here our friend Joel Ocasio says, maybe some connection to Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, who knows. Best show he's ever heard. Stop It Baby could bang my girlfriend if I had one. This is the only show that I am checking my phone every 10 minutes the day of an episode is to come out Sounds like eldest needs to be doing a little better with the uploads Love it keep doing it and if you ever make a movie, please use an all Albanian indentured servant crew for the set

Yeah, right and the fucking cameras go missing overnight nice thinking But thank you for that five star of you Here's one from scolnia the best comedian podcast right now Wow that makes us feel good Listen to this show is a balding man has given me the confidence to grow my hair out That's what I like to hear no one has a better time with guests and gives incredible life advice while being funny I even love eldest in his incompetence. Hey, it's shocking how good all this is. This show, the fact that this show comes out at all is incredible. He really pulls it off.

Here's one from Han Jason. I peed one of the best podcasts. Are you garbage episodes? Insanely funny. Love those boys. My co-workers now think I have a disability or I'm on lots of drugs from laughing so hard. Well, that's what we can hope for is that your co-workers now think I have a disability or I'm on lots of drugs from laughing so hard Well, that's what we can hope for is that your co-workers think you're fucked up on the job. Thanks to this podcast Thank you for those five star views. Do we have any more that's it for the for this for this app one more Sure, just too drunk without question the best podcast out there stop

He's witty funny and incredibly easy to binge geez just thank you Best patreon out there as well only five dollars a month you get exclusive episodes at ad free that's correct one of the only comedians I can not recognize the first name of and decide to listen to anyways Stavi introduced me to so many incredible comedians and puts them on I do like doing that a real comedians comedian if I can go back In time it Would be to when I found style of his world eldest you rule now That's beautiful eldest does rule and thank you for putting an organic plug to the patreon in there, too We're just doing this to get five star reviews, but hey if you want to sign up for the patreon just too drunk

They are right about that. We also have a great patreon and we we don't miss we've never in almost is it over two years how long we doing this a year and a half I think it'll be two years this fall or winter so you're yeah that's right two years in December in a year and a half we haven't missed an upload ever we've been late like only a handful of times yeah sure there's been a handful of 10 p.m. righters is on the day it comes out. It's come out at 11 PM, which are you even doing it that day? Not really.

But hey, he was probably on vacation and assured me it wouldn't affect his work quality. He could definitely find Wi-Fi in Hawaii, but either way, we've never taken a day off and we won't. We record in batches so that the people have a steady stream of podcasts. But thank you for the five star views. Keep them coming. We love you. And now what were we talking about buddy? Hit us with one big L. Left a little too long of a voicemail last time, so I'm going to condense it this time.

Pretty much, I found out my girl has been sleeping around on me behind my back. It's one of her coworkers and I went through her phone, I found the messages and it was more than just sexual stuff. It was very lovey-dovey saying I love you to each other, finding out she was sleeping over his house. All types of wild shit. And we had an issue with her DMing people in the past. You had an issue.

And I made it very clear that that's something I'm not comfortable with, it can't happen again. And here we are about a month later from that. That's so funny. Exciting to give this to the cops. So I'm conflicted because. Yeah. And here we are about a month later from that so Because I don't really want to break up with her we've been going out for three years Talking about moving in with each other talking about moving to another state starting a life together

But it's just hard for me to get past this so we haven't had a full conversation about it yet, but That she thinks it's possible to love more than one person And so she's we're waiting to have the conversation because I've really just been sitting on that We and for me that's not an option for her to be in love. We're waiting I'm digesting it. She's getting her pussy Beat it up. Well, you know your fucking co-workers spending over You know, it's a really communicative relationship when you have the information Yeah for like she does Have a more intimate relationship with him. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely

Course it came straight to you Come right. It's so fucking crazy dude. Let's finish this out but this poor guy is so fucked. Fucked with other people. And she said that it doesn't affect the way that she loves me. But now it's affecting the way that I'm looking at myself. So... Ohhh!

What is everyone doing in this situation? What?! This is someone I was talking about starting a life with. Oh my god. And now I am just completely blindsided. We need... Do you have any type of input in this? Yeah, I got... yeah.

You know? Help me out! Help you out, you poor fuck. It's so weird because it's like, he's acting like cheating isn't a big thing. He's like, I know this is crazy, but her cheating, I don't know if I can get past that. I'm like, yeah, that's not working. We're talking to one of the most gaslit men in America right now. He's like, well, you know, she told me she thinks it's possible she could love more than one person. And no, I don't agree. I'm trying to digest that while she continues to get fucked.

But it's so weird. And then he's like, and he's like, I mean, she's okay with it, but I don't know if I am. Yeah. Yeah. You not know it like cheating, if cheating just like... No, this guy's, this poor guy's so fucked. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how you can like... You gotta break up with it. There's no other way around it.

You can't get back from cheating. I mean, you might be able to, but not this shit. Here's how you usually get back from cheating. If something happens, it's mostly physical, it's a mistake, the person's apologetic, and and you fucking go to counseling and you just both get over it and you realize your life together personal I mean I would never let a bitch get away with it I'm just saying if you're some fucking cock soy boy this is how you can get around it but cheating makes sense if it's a one night

got drunk thing yeah I regret a party I got drunk thing. Yeah, I regret a party. I got drunk I fucked I fucked up. I'm an idiot. Yeah, but this is she's in another relationship Yeah, she's probably she's basically trying to be Polly without your consent. Yeah, she's open without telling him I don't know. It's it's so fucked. It's you're so right Ron. It's like yeah, he's talking He's like, you know this guy wants to stab me But it kind of hurts my liver when he pokes me with a sharp knife Am I being a dickhead about this? Oh like unable to express his needs Yeah And stand up for himself up for himself that like he questions his knees don't even come first at all

They don't even come at any point. Yeah. Yeah. I also think what's going on here is this person has They don't even come at any point. Yeah. Yeah. I also think what's going on here is this person has cripplingly low self-esteem. Absolutely. Some kind of child. I don't know if he's ugly or has bad teeth or glasses or a weak jawline Herpes whatever it is. This guy just doesn't see himself as somebody that can get another woman and Sure, his last special didn't hit a million views I just feel like that was the algorithm woman and sure his last special didn't hit a million Get out there buddy then you realize yeah, you're you're rocky. Yeah, you're rocky Yeah, I yeah go watch this year's material or which was that one's almost at 10 million No, no that one's I forget that one's two and a half they run together they're all very good

10 million they're all very good which is for everybody fucking tanked cuz the algo yeah great special you really yeah yeah I mean I would suggest actually just being single for a while get to know yourself Get out of this relationship without question. Yeah, you need to like realize that your needs are not wrong or bad and they should like You can't just like your needs are so you're so distant from your needs Yeah, you act like it's weird to even bring them up, and that's concerning. And the fact that you're even still discussing

building a life with this person, when she's completely gone behind your back, and it's not like she came to you and she's like, I really love you, I'm having these feelings that I think I can love more than one person, I'm hitting it off of somebody, is this something you'd be interested in, can we open up the relationship?

She had a secret boyfriend, you caught her, and now she's like, oh, I love two people. She's not even giving him the decency for her to break up with him. She's like putting it in his court. I'd also love to know, is this guy paying the rent? Like, is there other shit? Is he being taken advantage of in other ways?

My hunch is yes. I mean, he's already being taken advantage of emotionally. Next time you're getting pegged by her, really give a long thought about whether. Yeah, great pegging. One of the best pegging jokes there is, by the way, this guy. Yeah, that's what I want to be remembered for. Love it.

I literally did. I do remember doing that joke and being like, I remember hearing you do the joke and being like, well, I'm never getting pegged the bits been written There's no point now I was like I would have thought about it to maybe get a bit out of it But this is good stuff the getting fucked part This is much more relaxing great stuff Yeah, they'll beg

So yeah anything up your ass Joe I Know no no didn't think so, but I did have another thought Yeah, the old peg. So yeah, anything up your ass, Joe? No. No. Didn't think so. But I did have another thought. I'm old school. I'm a man. You know what I mean?

I'm a little nervous around minorities and I don't want things in my ass. USA! The kind of guys that built America. They built the railroad. They built everything. They ground up. Hard working Irish immigrants. Nobody, well the guys that were paid to build America. The guys that got a small wage to build America. I just wanted to add this one last, this one more thing on this guy. She thinks it's possible to love more than one person, which I'm like, of course it is. Yeah You can love everyone. Yeah, it's a bad situation

This guy's just fucked you got to get out of there and you guys start believing in yourself brother. Yeah Poor guy. You're so money. You don't even know it. There it is watch swingers great film Love it. That's a masterpiece I don't know if it's really advice or or what kind of like a story, okay, but This this past Halloween... I... Flew out this girl... That I cheated on my girlfriend- my previous girlfriend with.

Mmm. Who just had one. The best. Yeah. And I threw her out. Absolutely. Be my plus one at a wedding Incredible And just gave her the most mediocre

Ha ha ha Ah I'm like embarrassed that I flew her out just to fucking get disappointed What? He fucked up Also to top things off We got some fucked up The nice you're on for your own sin. I see your counselor. This better go somewhere

I like the I like you're going from guilt excitement. Yeah, I cheat on my previous ex-girlfriend and she had the best Elvis you better hope this gets better in the second half of the call, because it's a dud so far. Keep going. Yeah, so far. Unless you'd like to pull the plug now. The night before the actual wedding ceremony, I missed the wedding. So my friend was, he put the stuff at me, and that was kind of a thing too. to, but like, the only reason I brought this girl out is because I remember like what it was like to be with her when she was the one that I was like cheating on my girlfriend

with. So I'm wondering whether like, I don't know if I can how good question concise relationship like for me this this fucking question you know bad screening folks we're sorry you're not gonna get the last two minutes of your life back yeah it feels better to fuck a girl when you're cheating because it's forbidden good with a lot of fucking conversation to be had here

Eldest there's not even a question mark in the trends Eldest blows it yet again next one this sucks Wow was this year this is your number two brother Slower longer one unless your parent of a question. She's fucked out. That was a pinch cleft henchcliffe s Your reaction to eldest I was like eldest guy Fuck you, they're gonna throw a notebook at him. I mean, he blew it though. Pause this. I'm sorry, do you want to read, listen to that question again, Joe? By all means. Sorry for talking over it.

Elders should be fired immediately. I don't have any loyalty this man Put yourself in my shoes Joe yeah, I'm embarrassed me in front of you guys Go ahead eldest Hi, stop big fan of the Want to fuck this person way more than the last guy And of the podcast Um in a bit of a weird situation that I thought maybe you could give me some advice for my sister's boyfriend

keeps acting Flirty towards me interesting um wait up cart I just don't really know How to handle this I'm going to handle it but I either have to talk to him and address it or I have to talk to her. For reference, it started out as comments about my parents, complimenting my outfit,

complimenting my looks in front of her and then like I mean he's at the house all the time so it's things just like rushing past me like touching my waist when he doesn't need to like it's getting increasingly more and more and it's like starting to cross lines and either I'm going to chop his dick off, or my sister is, but I'm not sure if I address it with him first or her first. So I'd love your take on the situation. This guy's a wild boy. I like this guy.

I like this guy a lot. Are you jealous? Are you trying to fuck your wife's sister? I mean, I behave exactly like this guy a lot. Are you jealous? Are you trying to fuck your wife's sister? I mean, I behave exactly like this. I love this guy. A man's man. Yeah, that's a wild move to be touching her waist. That's weird.

No, I've never hugged my wife's sister. It is! It's a ballsy move, because you know how you're like, you never want to talk shit about someone to someone who's closer friends. Yeah. You definitely don't want to flirt with someone who's much closer to your girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's insane.

That's just trying to like fuck a sister is a wild move. I mean, for her, yeah, I mean, this is crazy. If you're this girl It's up to her. It's up to you. It's really what you want to do I mean, I think you're well within your rights to be like what the fuck are you doing? Stop you're being fucking Yeah, but I would talk to him first because talking to the sister could fuck up everybody's life. Yeah, what if he's a good guy? He's just a naughty boy and maybe it's innocuous too, I don't know. Maybe a walk past, a touch, I don't know. The touch is really the smoking gun as far as I'm concerned.

I like to steal a touch here and there from not the sister, but you know. Yeah. You or whoever. Yeah. I don't know, it's like. Stealing a touch is tough. How deeply entrenched is he?

Smell the hair, you know, whatever. I would say, talk to him., you know, whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would say, I would say talk to him. He's going sleepy Joe mode on him. I would say, how long have they been dating? Did he say eldest? Did she say? I don't think so. Because if he's entrenched in the family,

maybe talk to the boyfriend first. He's over the house all the time. But if it's not that. So they've been together a while. Yeah. It also depends on the relationship with the sister sister, right if you're close with your sister I think you can talk to her about this be like hey, he's being kind of fucking weird Well, it also he can't talk to her because that would be keeping a secret from her sister, which is fucked up

Yeah, that's what I mean by going to him first. It almost creates this weird intimacy course between them Where's like going to your sister? It's almost like I have nothing the hot, you know I'm going to here is almost like a signal exactly. It's almost your sister it's almost like I have nothing to hide you know I'm going here is almost like a signal exactly it's almost like hey it's almost like ratcheting it up a little bit. You keep flirting with me. Come on yeah unless unless it's like a get the fuck out of my face like it's unless it's real aggressive yeah but even then I go to the sister I mean maybe do maybe what yeah I definitely fuck Joe Joe's like blowing he's a good guy sister who's everyone her the relationship you're gonna blow up the relationship and then the parents maybe it's worth it yeah the

kind of guy's trying to be weird. Like worst case scenario, the guy you're trying to fuck your sister, you don't want to be in a relationship with. Yeah. What's the best case scenario here? He's Dominican? The only scenario that is kind of acceptable is if he's like that to every woman.

Right. So I would say she should see, because obviously Joe didn't realize he was doing anything wrong. He's sniffing the girl's pussy on TV. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, clearly. But like, so see how he acts, you know, basically see exactly when back in the day, a cute girl used to flirt with me. I'd always see how she acted.

But she feels it's inappropriate. She should do so. Yeah, yeah. It's like, hey, listen, he molests every woman he comes into contact with. He grabs every tit he sees. Well maybe like 70, you know, no. It's like, she gave him George H. Bush. I don't know, like, I don't know, maybe for a different time. Yeah, yeah. You know how you get the handsy people still from the other era?

They're like, they didn't get the memo. They're just like smacking asses. Yeah. Oh no, that's like rape now. Yeah, but I think this guy's probably in his 20s or 30s, if I had to guess. He probably got the memo. I think he's a nice guy trying to have fun. Try to be beloved Actually, that's a big that's a big like

Figuring out if someone is beloved or not. Can they do something borderline creepy? And how do people how do people respond? or not can they do something borderline creepy and how do people respond? Well it's kind of like women are like for them like having it all is like being successful in their career and like relationship for men having it all it's fucking the girl and her sister. Yeah. That's our version of can we have it all? So yeah, I would talk to your sister first and you know this guy you don't have to prepare. Unless you want to fuck him.

Just be cool and have a threesome with your sister and her boyfriend. Eat your sister's pussy. Fuckin' A. Suck this guy off. I'll let you fuck him. Just be cool. I have a threesome with Suck this guy off be a fucking chill blow. Did you ever see that show? What was it called? Love? It was spectrum knows love was with Paul. Yeah. Yeah I didn't see it in the opening episode. He's like this nerdy guy and he's flirting with Paul Ross Paul Ross Very funny guy. He's like this nerdy guy and he's flirting with these all right Paul rust very funny guy He's really funny but he's in the bed and there's these two girls and they're topless and they're so hot and they want to have a Threesome with him and he finds out their sisters. He gets really weirded out and leaves. I've never related less to that's where the

I haven't seen the show that pisses me off. It makes me hate him. Yeah, the real guy. Yeah, not even the fictional character Cool with it. Yeah, you should be cool. Yeah. Yeah, that's weird you out of there. I mean, yeah, they're hot Yeah, they're really hiding that Crazy work. That's a bad move That's we need to fucking take them to task. Yeah, who wrote whoever wrote that you're a fucking piece of shit It was John Appetow or something. Yeah, I think it will you produced that Produces everything next one big L dough What a copy you're the man shout out elders fellow Eastern European here. I got a little situation for you, so

Kind of feels like a movie but This girl that I hooked up with like four times maybe like a couple years ago two or three years ago recently informed me that I have a son that I did not know about at all horrible but uh pretty much I met him I started hanging out with him and everything. Obviously I'm not going to abandon a kid now that I know he exists. And obviously I'm a fisseter for not telling me at first. But she was scared and whatever. I tried to be understanding.

That's crazy. He's fine he said? But basically now the situation, now that I've met understanding. That's crazy. He's fine, he said? But basically now the situation, now that I've met him, everything's fine. We're kind of just, I feel like a divorced dad at 26, but it's fine. I love it. And she's cool. I mean, obviously, you know,

didn't tell me about the kid for years, fucked up. But, and I have a girlfriend right now. And I'm just kinda, but I'm kinda not 100%. I'm like maybe 80% my heart's with my girl right now. And I'm like, you know, do I wanna get back with the baby mama? Back with her? Didn't he say he fucked her a couple times? Because I only have 80% of my heart with this girl. Do I just break up with her and go like single dad? Or should I like look past what what baby mama? You know did and and wife her up

Woman over like that like an Eastern European Yeah Being a dad that you do it but Eastern European. Yeah, actually. Yeah, I do think that's a villager brain. Yeah, everything's amazing. Being a dad is the best. You should do it. But uh. All right, relax. You fucking fake-pie son of a bitch. It's fucking you didn't know about.

Now you're giving me parental advice. It's the best, man. You got to do it. Being a dad changes you. That's hilarious. You nutted in a stranger. And she hid it twice. Yeah. You got to get one of these things.

I love these, by the way, this is a thing that happens a lot as a parent now, is like all these like part-time dads being like, it's the great, and I'm like, you had your kid like three days a month. What are you talking about? Basically like me as an uncle being like, kids, they're really, they change your life. That's so awesome. This guy's sleeping eight hours a night five days Immediately is like let me tell you I never thought to be different, but it really You gotta hang out with a kid twice ever

I think you're you're you're asked. I think this man is asking two different questions honestly He's asking a few questions because obviously getting back with the baby mama is insane That's not a real thing insane But you seem to also be questioning whether 80% is a good enough percentage to be with your present to stay in the with I feel like 80% really good. 80% is good. I've never I've never been above 51. Well as an erotic. Yeah, I'm way higher than 80, but everything is, you know, 95. I'm married with children and I'm not going to share my number. Okay, it's just a joke.

Go up though, did he say this was like five years ago? When did, what did he say about her? No, two years ago, two like five years ago? When did what do you say about her? No two years ago Two or three years ago three years ago. This kid's like one or two Yes, he said you know there four or five times so yeah Getting back is a truly insane thing and I would say well you're well you're well you're shitting on him Joe You're absolutely right. You haven't felt the brunt of what having a kid is at all You've barely met this yeah the idea that that you're like it's the best, it's like you don't live with the kid. You're sort of on this like weird high of being a father

that you're even considering getting together with a girl. You hooked up with four times? Well that's insane, it's like who should I be with? This girl I love and I'm with all the time and no. Or this other girl I fucked four times. Three years ago. I fucked four times three years ago Happened to have a kid with one Carried a baby to turn without telling me

Yeah, yeah this girl who I fucked and lied to me which is by the way I mean, I guess my instance to say is unstable, but I guess maybe you just have morals about boarding a baby Oh, yeah for me. Well if he's thinking that's crazy. If he's thinking you should marry her, he probably would have. Feels a little suspect this lady. I know. Like she should have just got abortion?

Well at least, I mean, just not having a kid and not saying shit to the guy. I mean, ultimately it's her choice, but run it by him, see how he feels about it, talk about adoption, abortion, keeping it. It's a man's decision. Men make this country.

Also like, is this crazy to say? I mean, she didn't tell him about it, now she's telling him, now that she like, I don't think it's his kid technically. I'll say. Has it been a paternity test? Oh, that's a great. She could be squeezing you, what do you do for a living?

Yeah, I feel like and the fact he's dumb enough to want to get back with her He's not she's not going after his money. No one says baby mama when they make six figures. Yeah Bill Gates isn't like But I don't know I'm wondering if she's a little manipulative because the fact that he's even considering to go back with her makes me think she put that idea in him in a manipulative way. Or, yeah, I think that's a definitely a possibility. And the paternity testing is a great point.

I mean, that's the other thing is like you fuck this girl four or five times and you nutted inside her. That's crazy. Well, that happens. I don't know. People do that all the time. That's insane. Somebody you barely know. Well, I had a girl who't know. People do that all the time. That's insane. Somebody you barely know? Well, I had a girl who got pregnant about 15 years ago, and it was between me and quite a bunch of other dudes.

Oh, wow. Oh, boy. And I had a... The baker was turning out cream pies over there, huh? I had a paternity test before she gave birth. She did a swab, and it didn't come back yet. And then she gave birth. I remember she sent me a picture, I was in a movie theater,

she sent me a picture of the baby going, he looks just like you, because she really wanted it to be mine and he was like kind of olive skinned. Oh God, Latino? But then the baby got darker and darker and was a black baby. Nice, can go wild.

Happy ending. Wow, nice. Nice. Nice. And he is not with her. Wow. Wow. He looks just like you, damn. Well, I-

She wanted, she wants, so 15 years ago, you're wiping Rain Man's ass. Yeah. You're getting kicked out of Carrabba's. And she's like, this is my best hope for a father. Damn. Yeah, I mean, it was, she's a great girl, and- Yeah, I mean it was a great girl and I didn't know that babies get like black babies don't start out black

They get like it feels weird to talk about it. It's a fact that yeah, it wasn't weird until you said it I said it's weird weird ever. It's like anytime you talk about skin, but their skin Yeah, gets they get darker over time every couple days And then it's like a black baby in like a week You can't even see You can't have the baby black right away they'll freak out I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. Ronan. I'm sorry. Come on, man. Jesus Christ.

This is the autism episode, not the black people episode. Yeah, yeah. Unless you have any fun black noises. But yeah, I would stay with the girl. There is something to this though where this guy is so stupid that it might work. Like you know what I mean? Like, if he thinks, yeah. He thinks it's a good idea, he's Eastern European,

you know what I mean, it's a villager thing. It's like, if he thinks it's a good idea and he never questions it once, I could see it in an old fashioned way, this weirdly working. Does he love tradition more than love? Does he love the idea of like, married? He's talking already about being a dad now.

Would I bet on that? No, but that's the only way that works. He's already done about how great it is to be a father. I mean, I think he clearly has issues with his current girlfriend. The fact that he's almost using his issues to like say, is this the escape? And I just have to say, it's two different issues.

Don't combine them. Don't be like, should I be with her or her? Just look at it separately. You, you know because she's using the Pregnant should I be with the baby mama as a way to get out of being in another relationship? But you should seek it. You should just not be with a baby mama no matter what yeah, and then just think about that But I think you know, I think stay with who you're with. Yeah, he needs he needs therapy. Yeah, and I agree He's definitely seeing this as an alternative Life. Yeah, he needs he needs therapy. He and I agree. He's definitely seeing this as an alternative

Life. Yeah, maybe I could Over here, I don't need therapy. I think it's voicemails to a podcast That's right He didn't say how long he's been with a current girl But I could see like let's say you're dating someone for like six months to a year or something I could see something like this like just throwing that into question I completely like yeah, if it's a casual thing that you weren't that into anyway And then you have a fucking kid even if it's like even if it was like it's the way any kind of crazy Emergency pops up like let's say somebody gets sick in your family, or there's your fucking house burns down It's like if you're just kind of a casual relationship

You're like you know what I have to put so much of my energy towards this thing. This could fall out of the wayside. And yeah, it could, it also is just weird vibes-wise if you're that girl, where you're like, I didn't sign up to be with somebody as a fucking kid. He's 24, what the hell is he, 25? 26 I think. 26, you know?

I still think it's unhealthy to leverage the two off. Absolutely, no, no, that's for sure. Yeah, cause it's like, that might be the reason, reason or maybe he has intimacy issues and he has to explore that but like He just wants to run away from there Yeah, maybe the girl being in this relationship scares them more than the baby mama situation, you know But I just think you should look at them as separate, you know, definitely and but I will say I'm still holding out Hope he's dumb enough to make it work Yeah, he's just stupid no

Stupid enough to just let this become the way becomes a tagline for this yeah, I think he thinks is like a movie Yeah, yeah, it's your saddest documentary ever just dumb enough to make it work And I would be that scares the fire to me somebody should be like by the way you have a kid Well, I don't do too much cream pie I want to eat a cream pie Okay, I know you're not much of a pet guy. I've heard your takes on dogs So I'm not sure what kind of advice you'll be able to provide me But I'm hoping your guests will be a little bit more amenable to pets. So here's my situation.

I'm living in an apartment community. I have two cats, that's as many pets as you're allowed to have. For whatever reason, since the day I moved in, there has been this one cat that has been showing up at my patio, like looking in the window as if he belongs in here. And this cat is so nice. I've been here for a year now, and he'll literally spend more time at my apartment than his people's apartment.

Oh, he has? I don't even think his people really own him. He wears a collar that doesn't have a name or a phone number on it. He's just giving justification to steal a cat. Can I steal this cat? There it is. This cat likes me, that's the thing. Yeah. And then leave this cat? There it is. This cat loves me better than them.

And they leave this cat out in the rain when it rains. So I just feel like. Good fucking Christ. This lady, I mean lady. This is a big demo for you. Women who want to steal other people's cats. Yeah, yeah. You're really, well three is,

it's like you're really sounding like an insane cat woman. You're sounding like a burgeoning, insane cat. You're breaking a couple of rules. Yeah. One, too many pets and stealing somebody's pet. Yeah, I guess let's let her finish before fully going in on her. And I'll be happy that you're literally thinking to steal a cat. It's crazy. Let's see. Let's see where she goes, though.

In the rain, when it's when it's raining. So I just feel like, I don't know, I feel like I have a right to this cat and I need to know what you're thinking. What are we thinking about the socio-politics of cat ownership? And here is the problem. It's not just steal the cat, pretend you don't have it. The big problem here is that the neighbors who claim this cat literally live 10 feet away from me and can see me from their window. So not only do they tend to watch me play with their cat and watch their cat hang out at my apartment all the time, watch me play with their cat and like watch their cat hang out at my apartment all the time, but if I stole their cat, they would see the cat from inside my house looking out the window. So what's your take on this?

Do I have a right to the cat? I would keep it inside. I would give, I'd give a loving nurturing home. Yeah. What's your take on the cat? You know, it's funny We've got outside Love the pod buddy. Stop it. All right. Bye. This is the exact plot of gone baby gone. All right This is the cat version of gone baby gone Yeah, yeah, so yeah, do you have a right to take a kid from but that movie really questions? Maybe it was it has a real moral gray ending Yeah, cuz she's sitting back with her mom and it's not great yeah so you do think she should take the cat yeah if you watch gone baby gone and you think the ending is tragic then you think this woman should steal the cash a

little different is like oh they should it's more like what's the answer but maybe also we only have this lady's more like, eh. What's the answer? But maybe. Also, we only have this lady's perspective here. You know what I mean? And that's definitely, I'm getting a sense that is not the objective reality. We have an unreliable narrator here for sure. I do hear some, yeah, deeply alone,

I think you're right on the money. Also, it's like, you can't steal from them, they're 10 feet away. Like, what do you think is gonna happen here? Have you ever talked to them? Like- My brother actually had a similar, interesting, my brother's a big pet person.

They have five dogs. Or they had three dogs and then, there was three dogs, the neighbors, but they didn't give a shit about them and one of the dogs actually died. And the other two dogs started coming over a lot. But the other house didn't give a shit right so eventually they did own them but it was through seeing they didn't steal them they just fed them and took care of

them yeah I would if you want to start this I would maybe like feed him and just see what the reaction is to the other owners but stealing the cat I mean is a crime I I think that's important understand Oh, yeah, you can't steal someone's cat. I can't highlight that enough also. It's not like they beat the cat They just have a different take on cat owners. You know what what was their issue? She's like he looks in the window like the rain is out in the rain also. It's a cat Amen brother I'm a big cat person but yeah I mean like a cat I can't because oh, yeah, Linda said no my well, I don't say my girlfriend hates cats Oh real point of contention. I love cats But I have a kid make up you in the tub with a cat

That's the complete picture Would you get a hairless cat? Yeah, but I would yeah, so I think my advice for her is to maybe like Download the dating apps. Yeah, give it a go. It's also like look that's their cat They can do whatever the fuck they want with it as long as they're not abusing it Maybe the fucking cat likes being outside. Yeah, right. Okay. I mean, he's also what he's a fucking animal You'd be like, well, he's naked on a leash So anyway stop meddling in other people's cat business Yeah, and you know if now if this owner comes to you,

and they're like, hey, just take our fucking cat. You love it more than we do. Fine, you can take the cat. And then if all you're doing is going against your fucking landlord, fuck your landlord. You definitely don't want to be a cat burglar. There it is. That's what I'm gonna say.

That's good stuff, man. Joe's pissed off. The fact that Joe is a kid is brilliant. Really impressive how long you stayed stoic. I hate puns. I was like is Noah going to do this? Yeah. Alright you got something nice for us here eldest. The boys are getting sleepy I see it in their eyes. Well I have a child. he's got no experience. Yeah yeah yeah. I like seeing how much you profit off of mental illness. I'm doing a service to the community.

It was like a school shooter. Do you ever get ones that are like too much? I don't know I do whatever. Eldis is the guardian at the gates, so he's the he's the past the rock quick there Sometimes there are ones that are like it's like damn these people need help though. We are not the source There anyone like a bachelor shit up at school should I do it No So like most of the time if someone makes like a flippant like suicide joke or something But you get like they say it in a funny way, but you can tell they're actually depressed Yeah, don't want to let that amongst us as I wanted to kill themselves. Yeah, sometimes right now

You know, I don't think you're really profiting off Thanks man, I don't give a fuck. I don't fucking care what you think. Patreon.com slash Daviesworld. Patreon.com slash Daviesworld. Are you going to take that from this fat-faced Jew? Or are you going to keep paying your money and get your problem solved by me? Let's see what we got, Eldis.

Thanks, Davi., sorry call for some advice Yeah, that's a good one do the light fat-faced you take either one of those fat face juice special comm Fatface you comms a great website. Yeah, maybe I'll do that But I can't change the style brave special That's what's called brave Hit us with the with our finale here on this I can't change the style brave special Call brave Hit us with the with our finale here others saw pictures of her But we chatted for a while, you know typing back and forth. I never really spoke for some advice The garage just kind of started dating recently

We met online saw pictures of her But we chatted for a while, you know typing back and forth I never really spoke on the phone actually Until we decided to Actually meet out. So we're both from Baltimore. It is I'm from hand then she's from Highland town Anyway, when we finally met We met at Outback Steakhouse Outback Steakhouse, Dan and Kitten baby That's fucking awesome at Outback Steakhouse. Oh, Outback Steakhouse down in Canton, baby? That's fucking awesome.

At Outback Steakhouse. And I was startled to hear how sick Baltimore accent was. She's really, she's a beautiful girl. You know, we get there and she's like, all these are my favorite places. You like Outback Steakhouse? You know, you want to get a Bloomin' Onion? It's just, I couldn't believe it because I mean I you can kind of sense a little bit of a bottom accent my voice

Which everything you know we're gonna go up there gonna go down the ocean with us so which is fine She's so cute that kind of overlooked it once we finally Became intimate with each other it didn't end there. It's even worse in the bedroom You know she's like oh you want you gonna touch me down there more? Oh, you like that? When I do that to you, oh, boy, feels good down here. And you know, it's kind of a turn off, you know, to have almost like my aunt was talking to me, you know, you know, don't get my don't get my flip flops for me.

Boy, y'all. It's just horrible. So I don't know if you think this is a deal breaker or not. I know you're from Baltimore. So, you know, let me know, it's just horrible. So I don't know if you think this is a deal breaker or not. I know you're from Baltimore. So, you know, let me know what you think, thanks. The idea that this guy thinks somebody else's Baltimore accent is too thick is hysterical. Well, it's gotta be really thick.

Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know, this might be a little drastic, but have you considered like cutting out her tongue? I'm gonna solve everything. Or maybe cutting like a piece of it out so that it kind of changes her tone. It is interesting. I dated a hot girl once who had a voice

or we slept each other, but she sounded like a man kind of. She's like really hot, but she comes up, she's like, hey, how's it going? That's pretty cool. I think it was a man. Did she have a penis? No.

Was she trans? No, she's just one of those women with a penis. Not trans, they call me gay. No, I don't connect with you. Deep voice. just one of those women with a penis. Not trans. They call me gay. I don't connect with trans. Deep voice. She's just a woman with a cock. That's like a thing.

That's cool. I mean, that's an old joke. Like the hot girl with the weird voice. I don't know how much it would bother me. I've never been in this situation. I love that I know exactly the outback steakhouse He's talking about me and eldest have shared a blooming onion there multiple times We've shared that how good are those ranch bacon cheese fries? We've almost gone there hundreds of times

Yeah, it's it was the go-to back that back up for like we didn't think of anywhere to eat So I love that this I love that I know she's hot And it's not like you sound like fucking out bald Like I go with it, you know, I mean you'll get used to it Yeah, how I do think though if I was dating a woman with like a thick Boston accent and she was like fuck me It would be a struggle for me. Yeah, I do think it's like I get the aunt thing. Yeah, that's I like having a wife That's not anywhere near my hometown Yeah, fuck I guess that's true because I don't know one in my family speaks like that because I'm Greek

So if I hooked up with a girl who's like this it would be kind of a fun little Like I would feel almost like it would be a fun little thrill But I get what you mean about it being too close to your family. Yeah, someone that sounds like your family's Boston is a tough one. That's one of the Baltimore's not good But Baltimore is not good Boston at least there's like movies and people do it to be there's like sketches where it's funny Hey, what the fuck we talking about here, you know, but the wire, you know I'll think of some other ones That guy I met that makes the wacky movies pink flamingo John

Yeah, yeah Yeah, I mean, yeah Baltimore's like a southern accent, isn't it? It's like a southern twang. It's that mid-Atlantic trash. It's the same thing as Philly, Pittsburgh, parts of Jersey. They all have kind of the same... Wired accents just make you sound dumb. Yeah. I always had an observation that people from the north do dumb, they do a southern accent. People from the south do dumb, they do a northern accent. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but why like I

Don't know why that is. I guess it's like a blue collar thing. I guess yeah Yeah, I think educated people try to Annunciate yeah, yeah, no for sure then that that whole transatlantic accent for a while Rich people just talks vaguely like Frazier. I mean yeah, he's going to Outback Steakhouse for dates Yeah, yeah, exactly Richard gear He's got to be attractive because if this is even a question like he could just go get someone else He's like she's cute as hell, but like I've never been like I don't know our accent if someone's fucking me This is a real issue with some of these emails you

really need to see the picture is true that does help a lot yeah I bet he's a hot guy with not that much money if you're hot with not much money choose someone else who talks not like a retard or you could put a ball gag in her mouth and be like this is my thing for her to wear at all times. A Baltimore guy. Yeah I want you to wear this ball guy just cover our hours today. I think it's really when they fuck. Oh More of a turn off when they Cover her mouth fucking tie her up pretend you're in the BDSM. Yeah, and that's your way Yeah, like yeah just to get into some know, fuck the gimp zipper over the shit You know do what I do make it where she doesn't make any noise whatsoever the whole time

You can't even hear over the vibrator Crank the Hitachi up to 12 All right, people but people those accents are very loud and bad. I guess I would assume no one's like do it slow Do a boss action fucking but like gentle. It's probably hard to yeah, fuck me There is that There is this couple where the one the whole their whole tick-tock thing is that the woman talk has a really thick Boston accent Uh-huh. They make it's like this couple the guy doesn't talk like that and She does and let me dance. It's way more successful than anything

Oh, yeah, they go viral constantly Over and over again. She just she is hot and I've watched those videos And I don't know if this is what that guy was hoping for when he started a tick-tock with his wife But I was as well as I'm like I would love to fuck that lady in her dumb voice But I don't know if it's you know, that's not my wife. You know yeah, and again. It's not something I grew up with so it's weird. It's funny to say the boss an accident is exotic, but like to me It is a little exotic. You know yeah an accent is good If it's not your hometown accent like a southern accent to me would be really sexy

I know a guy that dated a woman from the south and one time they were fucking and she said I'm fixing to come. I think about you saying this all the time. I told you this before. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think you just told me in person, not even on the pod. I'm fixing to come. Sounds awesome.

I'm hard to say it to myself. That's crazy. I still think about a girl in Asheville where me and Ben O'Brien, shout out to Betty Buttcheeks, the consigliere of stoppy baby enterprises We were going on a two-man tour doing just little ass places and we were crashing work with anyone We never had money and this hot woman was like y'all could crash with me or whatever She's like in this little yellow sundress and I was like we can't take her up on this just I don't know man She's too hot. Yeah, I'm gonna try I'm gonna embarrass myself trying to fuck her in her own house

Yeah, you know and but I remember I still think about Fucking a lady from ten years ago because she had a hot oh you thought southern acts no no I think about it sometimes right as a way to jack off not fully jack off, but get it started Yeah, you know I know you mean the appetizer to a jackson. I'm like that with I met a girl with Down syndrome She had an accent that really And seen and that's gonna do it for starbreeze world. Thank you for listening guys go watch brave. It's out right now Please it's I podcast recorded earlier, but I assume it's been nominated for a Grammy. Go watch Joe's specials.

Go see these boys on the road and we will talk to you guys next time. Bye bye. Music