Stavvy's World - #83 - Alex English

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

Alex English returns to the pod to discuss getting swole for the summer, his first STD, why bottoming is a young man’s sport, formally apologize to white men for a longstanding stereotype, and much more. Alex and Stav help callers including a guy whose wife wants a divorce after they had an orgy, and a gay couple who needs help picking a third for their next menage a trois. See Alex English live! Buy tickets at https://alexenglish.co/ Follow Alex English on social media: https://www.instagram.com/alex3nglish http://twitter.com/alex3nglish Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to Stavisworld 904-800-STOVE. Call in, we'll solve your problems. We got Alex English back returning. Thanks for coming bro. Thank you. I'm realizing I have a Greek yogurt stain on my tank top which is an incredible Greek. Don't fucking use the laugh button. You were eating it before we got on camera It really is like, you know, just got a little Greek yogurt on my shit that is I am a caricature Just crushing Greek yogurt and grilled meats whenever my guests whenever my guests come in I feel like like when I was here last time with Devin,

there was a turkey on the table. Probably, maybe a rotisserie chicken. I feel like there was a chicken. Yeah, there was a chicken. We're big rotisserie chicken guys around here. We're huge. My memories do. We're huge rotisserie chicken guys.

It's the main thing on my rider, is I must have a rotisserie chicken. I swear to God. You really be having people in comedy clubs Say that right and immediately people like hilarious. He's fat as shit, right? That's the number one thing. And I get it on some level, but a rotisserie chicken's pretty healthy, and you're not being a diva, they cost fucking $5. That's true, and you also can't trust a lot of these clubs

to have the good food that you want. Absolutely. Because I have really bitten my tongue at some of these clubs. I'm like, listen, these airport ass chicken tenders is not the vibe. No, dude. So I get it.

It's like, cause once you crack open the comedy club menu, there's no way I'm not going buck wild. Cause it's all dog shit. So I'm gonna get tenders. I'm gonna get the Buffalo bites. Come on. The helium comedy clubs. The cheese curds, if you're in Madison.

If you're in Wisconsin. Shout out to Madison. Thank God that club, it's a great club, Comedy on State, but they don't have a kitchen, so you have to order from a restaurant. So you can get a better restaurant instead of a comedy club. That's pretty good.

Yeah, no, they're the best. They're the best over there. But yes, once you, it's like inviting a vampire, you have to invite them into your home. Once you order one thing off a comedy club menu, you're ordering everything off the comedy club menu. You're getting shit to go. It's fucked fucked up so we get the rotos going it's a beautiful way to live life eldest came to visit me in both except in Baltimore hangout elders was just

eating an entire rotisserie to himself a day you got to respect he was like I'm being healthy and he was making like a yogurt bowl that had 4,000 calories in it this motherfucker put like a bag of walnuts, fucking maple syrup. It was awesome. Yeah. All whole food natural ingredients. At that point it's just like Cinnamon Toast Crunch at this point. Yeah, I see it was hilarious. Well we walked the people through Eldis's famous yogurt bowl.

So here's what I do for my yogurt. Of course I don't measure it out so probably realistically I'm doing like one and a half, two full cups of yogurt alone. Which is the best part. That's the healthiest part of the whole thing is the yogurt. Then I'll do like some blueberries and or strawberries. Yep. So you're still looking good. Then I'll do probably like a couple, maybe one or two tablespoons of peanut butter, almond butter, whatever's out of his mind if he thinks it's one or two tablespoons. Now we're getting dangerous. That motherfucker never even

glanced at a measuring spoon while he was at mine. He's fucking scooped. You put the whole thing of Jiffy in that bitch. He's putting his shoulder in to get into that fucking scoop bro. There's no one or two tablespoons. You got your granola, right? You put your granola on top of it. No granola actually.

What you putting on there? Lays potato chips? Yeah. I do put salt. I put sea salt. You put sea salt. Yeah. What else do I do? The nut butter and the nuts are where you get crazy.

You do walnuts as well as the nut butter. Because within the peanut butter, which is probably four to five tablespoons, if we're being honest, which that right there is, I'm going to say 500 calories. And then the bag of walnuts is awesome walnuts are like the the nutrition facts say like 12 nuts for 200 calories and elders is just like shaking that fucking hitting the bottom of the bag on his shit it looks awesome it looks delicious and then the coup de grace the maple syrup to go with a

little maple syrup I also do some chia seeds and some flaxseeds Disappears for an hour after that bowl dude He gets the rotisserie the rotisserie is like when you pack a musket and then that yogurt bowl that yogurt bowl is the fucking fire the gunpowder and it just Salute salute you're doing your little workouts. It was awesome. He was he was in my backyard no shirt doing fucking goblet squats Some little whole body squat shit going on. Well, I'm an exercise boy now, too.

I'm in the gym. All of us. We're trying to get it back. So that's why that's why, you know, my place in Baltimore is like the the health dojo right now. So he came over and yeah, it's nice. It feels nice to be in the gym. You know, I actively like I I had to go to an expensive gym.

I learned that about myself because I used to be at Blink and that's just like $10, $12 a month. So, disappears. It's Planet Fitness, but it's like, you're pretending you're better than Planet Fitness. But it is Planet Fitness. Exactly. The same homeless men are showering in your locker room.

It's true. So I canceled that and I was like, you know what, in order for me to actually be encouraged to go to the gym, I have to pay like $200, which is what I'm doing. Like you need to do knocks. That's where I am. And now I'm like, this is, get your ass up

because that money, I can see that money. Interesting, interesting. So I'm like, oh, okay, great. Plus I thought, so my initial inspiration for going to the gym was I thought that I was going to see Beyonce Renaissance You bought a metal mesh tank top you were gonna wear Even like it was before like at one point Beyonce had like announced like you all need to be wearing silver and I was like fuck you

I'm wearing this shirt Only to find out that the tickets that were I was told that I could get I was in Chicago doing shows So not only did I like a lot of myself. I lied to Marie Faustin Let her know ahead of time is awesome. I owe her a major concert. Damn, fuck you Marie. That's right. I'm glad you didn't get to go.

So then I just like stayed in the gym, no Beyonce tickets and just like decided to continue. That was the original thing was to look good for Beyonce. And then never go back to the gym. But now I'm any okay and I say like yeah you know men are gross you know and as a gay man I'm saying you know like it's kind of wild like yeah the like the virals sort of just like now I don't know what goes on in women's locker room right right? Right why what I assume I assume good behavior is happening in women's locker rooms. I can only assume that yeah I would say so I think locker room style

It's pretty cuz I don't want to not go to is near work So it's like soup and tie guys like powerhouse power players And it's just like oh you guys got like that is your presenting these motherfuckers are walking around dick swinging Like no towel on staring with no shame by just looking you in your eye like yeah That's not you like it's kind of wild That's what I was gonna ask is that I do feel like the question when you were saying like your motivations me knowing what I know about expensive gay gym culture,

is that you do, it seems like there's hand jobs up for grabs in saunas. It seems like that's out there. So me being like, oh nice, well, if there was a place where it's like I could work out and then, you know, some wouldn't have to be a hot lady. Just an okay lady jerked me off at a sauna. I'd be like, that's what, I'm going every day. I'm going to the sauna every I'm going to the gym every day so

we'll say yeah speaking candidly please of course this is yeah I have gone to the gym a couple times I've been preparing to go to the gym a couple days being like I kind of want to see some dicks. Arm day. I just want to see some big. That means doing an hour 45 minutes of just like lifting. I want to go just like I got to get a locker room. You should see my face when I walk into the locker room and it's like not peak hours. I'm like oh shit I'm going to nobody here. It's an old guy.

It's an old guy weighing himself. This sucks. His old ass balls. Not his old balls hanging so much lower than his dick. It's not even close. Oh, dude, if I get 10 more years, I mean, my balls are going to hang so much more than you think. Oh, so I have huge balls in the little penis when the when you lose a lot ball elasticity too it's not gonna look pretty it's not gonna be a good

photography package my not that it is now but it's gonna be bad there's gonna be no way to make it look I'm gonna have to get like a nut lift I'm gonna have to get I'm gonna have to get like my balls some ball skin removed. Like BBL for your balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way it's like ladies, some women don't get breast implants, but they get their tits just like, you know, they'll sag too much. They'll bring them up. I'm gonna need to do that with my nuts.

Oh, oh, oh. Yeah. I'm so glad you brought this up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Today, today, before I came here, I was showering, get ready to come here. I was in the locker room and I saw my very first Trans man I was delighted

My god, this is incredible Be weird in here Nice pussy, bro I was like, I think everybody no one gave a fuck. Yeah, dudes really don't give a fuck like Talking midtown Manhattan. Yeah in like in the expensive gym. It's like there's gonna be very few people who give a fuck Yeah, come on, bitch get get showered and go Yeah, we're just trying to get swole and totally Wow pussy in the locker room salute salute him That's interesting and how many now what number of

pussy is that that you've seen in real life alex in like in my face to face oh hella oh right i see i see you know i've been shown many a whole uh no i mean let's see that was that intimately No, I mean, let's see. That was that intimately. Yeah. Non strip club. It ain't a double digit. It's not a double digit. But it's like non strip club intimately.

Yeah. I'd say five. Five. That's pretty good because you were closeted for a while, right? Closeted. If you can believe that. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a tough, tough sell now. But I really, I really didn't come into this today being like, how gay am I going to be for this podcast? I feel like last time I was here I kind of gave a little more butch. And I got these loafers on. I got my little rainbow hat. I do like the loafers. My little arms out.

We are drinking a diet coke. I feel like it's pretty much... It's the gayest soda. It's really good. Pretty gay. It's gay guys and white women's soda for sure. I literally, I was on a date with a girl and I got a diet coke and she literally was like Give me one of those like diet coke like I was being a bitch because I was like I'm sober I'm not trying to drink right now. She's like that was straight when a bitch is like against your sobriety

You're like, all right. Well, this is your your thumbs off I would love to fuck you the pussy's probably out of control if you have these kinds of problematic opinions But you know come on if you're a white woman, and you don't like diet coke you got to get No white women they love it they love it and they mainline it yeah in a Stanley and a Stanley Cup and it's oh Crack it open poured diet coke into a fucking limited edition Stanley. That's high level white women activities. You know, yeah, back to the giant. Let's get back to it. You know, I I've been saying this in my stand up and it's been ringing true for me.

The more I get, I'm like, I didn't mind it. It wasn't like I didn't like it. You know, I'm trying to tell you were neutral. Yeah, I just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, right. It wasn't like I didn't like it. You know what I mean? I've been trying to tell like... You were neutral. Yeah, I just was like, mmm, mmm. You know what I mean? Like, alright. Because I hate these gay guys who be like, I've never had pussy, yuck.

Eww. I'd be like, ugh, you're gay. Like, really, like, ugh. Like, that's crazy. You've never had pussy before? Like, how? How have you gone your whole life without trying it? How do you know?

How do you... Right. You're being close-minded. You are. That's what I think. I'm like, but see, but see, I hold straight men to the same standard. How do you know you don't like dicks? You ain't never pulled one. You don't know that. You're right. You're right. You guys. Eldest is the time we sucked each other off. Yeah. Maybe. I feel like the

comments are going to be on my side this episode. Hey, I'm coming with empirical data. I'm coming with facts. I'm like, hey, I'm better than a lot of men episode. I'm coming with empirical data. I'm coming with facts. I'm like, hey, I'm better than a lot of men. Any gay man who's had everything, well, that would be a bad guy, I guess. He's had all of it here. But I've tried it, yeah, I've tried it. And I'm like, you know, I'm not disgusted by pussy.

In fact, if some happen to walk in here right now, I'd be like, okay, come on, bring your girl here, like, whatever. But I am like, I am a gay guy. Of course, no, for sure. You're an incredibly homosexual But I so but there's no way you'd be like you're you're on you're on a sampler thing You're not like I would date a woman again Probably not let's be honest

I mean it would involve them consenting to it. Also, I don't think many women would be like, well, I'm getting stopping wet to Alex English. Right, right, right, right. But if a woman ever like I would do the whole who was it that share was in a relationship with that guy? He runs Disney. I'm blanking on his name, but they were like, I watched his documentary. God, he's gay, he's gay dude? He's gay, no, not him. Alexander Edwards. He has the yacht, no that's her new boyfriend. That young black guy.

That motherfucker looks way younger. He's like our age. Holy shit. This is an awesome video. Share out here getting the Mario coins knocked out of her pussy dog. I have hats off to him. Dude, that's crazy.

No, this guy runs like like he's a billionaire. Like she used to date that back in like the 70s. Interesting. I mean Sonny Bono died. That was her husband. He was in like David Gaffney. David Gaffney. She like had like I watched this documentary a few months ago and learned that they had like a serious romantic relationship that was like love and I think like Cher even like knew that he was gay and was like love and I think like share even like knew that he

was gay and was like fine with it so if I found me like a share right just post up with and just kiss on love my life and did I'm gonna guess it didn't hurt David Geffen had 500 billion dollars in the bank that is that makes a little more open-minded when there when you're on the yacht I don't know gay guys got the cheat code for getting pussy though because they don't care about pussy. So it's You know many nights in college we went out me and like my loser friends would be on the sidelines of the dance floor Like just just just nursing beers. No, we'd see our gay gay friend who's like partying in DC every weekend. He was like making out with every girl that was out with us grinding on them like just flopping tongues. I was like that guy was awesome. That was me. Yeah. Even like to this day some of my female friends like will like kiss me on the lips and I'm like

oh haven't felt that in a while. No mustache, that's crazy. I forgot what it is with no mustache felt like. You're so right, Elders. I remember that shit being in college and being so nervous and being like, uh, maybe we'll try and get pussy. And this guy just still has, he still has the cocaine he snorted off a congressman's dick

in his system from the night before. For me I guess like being gay in college it was tough cuz like I don't I was the college I went so I wasn't really like attracted to any of the gay dudes there they were all a little just too much for me for my college. Where'd you go? Central Michigan. Oh wow. In the middle of Mount Pleasant, Michigan in the middle of Michigan just the casino and the college. There's nothing else going on there. And like, oh, did I ever tell you about the time I got arrested?

No, I don't think so. Okay, so. Please. The only time I've been arrested, it was like my last semester at St. Troon. It was like a little icebreaker, like fall party at the casino. That's the Soaring Eagle Casino. Oh, hell yeah.

So. They were holding like college events there They have a ballroom this is a like there would be some guys that sometimes didn't even go to the school Right just with throw parties there to get all the college kids to make some money So we have one of them parties were pregame at like my uh my homeboys apartment And I'm like I got on a red bow tie. I got on a fly-ass shirt. I'm like thinking I'm really the shit right and looking like gay like P Hermione, I'm like thinking I'm really the shit, right? And looking like gay, like Pee Wee Hermes. Oh I remember, the Kanye, the Kanye like slotted sunglasses.

I had all of that going on. Yeah we're the same age, I remember that. So somebody spills like a whole half of a bottle of vodka on me, like a Coke, Cubsworth, so I smell, I reek of alcohol at this point. By the time we get to the party, it's packed. But you're not switching the outfit. No, no, no, no. You have vodka?

I'm dressed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm dry, yeah. So we get into the party, it's packed. So packed that the security guards aren't letting people, anyone else in, but they're also strangely not letting anybody leave because I guess in their minds If we let people leave that people think they could come in because some people left, right?

But that was such a weird thing for them to do. So you have trapped at the party I have to piss yeah, and I'm being told that I can't leave out of the front entrance. I'm like, what the fuck? I have to pee. I'm trying to tell you how to pee I look and I see like a door on the Side so I'm like maybe if I go in there like cuz I'm like at this point I'm going to pee on myself and there's no bad. What are you talking? What but like it's a ballroom is that the bathrooms like across the hall so we that's insane to not let people it's crazy So I was crazy I walk into like this doorway and at this point I'm like I can't make it a single another step

So I guess I'm in a closet or something that connects to a kitchen area or something. So I see an empty bottle of water on a shelf. So I'm like, I know I'm gonna overfill this shit, but I gotta pee. So I'm whizzing into this fucking water bottle. And where are you're just? I'm in between the ballroom and like.

In between two areas exactly It's like a workers like stay like yes get between places midway through Pinging this bottle. I feel a hand on my shoulder. It is a police officer, and I'm like bro. You don't have to let me finish I see who you are. My dick is out. What do you want me to do? So I get arrested. First of all, I had walked, I had walked, when we got into the party,

I had walked past the line on some like, oh, we getting in, I know the person. But the same people who saw me walk past saw me get arrested with a fucking red bow tie on, trying to like explain to the cops, not shutting up as I should be doing like like I'm not drunk I promise Ricky Dig out dig out the closet so I spend the night in jail

Wow, I mean in the cell whatever I it was so crazy they have their own little casino jail or was it like no We had to go well. No they they took me that they booked me my name Well, no, they took me, they booked me, my name was in the paper in the next day. Damn, the paper? My name was in the paper. What the fuck? But my friends, you know, this was like 2012, no, 2011. So like, you know, Twitter was like a thing, but it was like, you know, it was a thing that you would do amongst your friends.

So all of my friends that were on Twitter and college was tweeting hashtag free athletes. But then they were all like rallying together. Like motherfuckers was like loaning me like $30 to get me out selling video games. It was like a little community effort to get you out. I know Bill Bondsman. It was like so crazy the next day. But while I was there, it was so crazy because like I was in a cell with like 10 other motherfuckers and they was trying to feed me, give me food.

I'm like, I don't wanna eat this shit. What are you talking about? And my- Just like a big holding cell. And a bunch of them knew each other too. I'm like, oh, so this is just like y'all Saturday. Every Saturday. I was like, I was being so dramatic.

What were they in there for? Just regular shit? I think I wasn't talking to the motherfuckers. I was trying to get up out of there. That was the saddest I've ever been. Yeah. And so then I have a court date. So I had to go, I had to pay a fine of like

$150 or something. But then like the judge was like, she was like very much like, you know, you could be placed on the sex offenders list for this. I was like, I played my case so I was like, Miss, your honor. I was trying to exit this party appropriately. Yeah, I was trying to yeah She was just like disorderly conduct and that's it now. I think but sponge that that was the credit. Thank you. Thank you very That's so funny that's central that's central Michigan and that's you know, I went to school with Antonio Brown Oh, wow, get the fuck out of here. So he got released into the world. Yeah, I went to school with Antonio Brown. Oh wow get the fuck out of here Really got released into the world. Yeah, I was like they're not ready. Yeah Was he after some wild shit?

Yeah, I mean like it was entertaining for me. I didn't know it would be dark for others literally, but He's done a whole host of wild shit. Mm-hmm. Damn dude. That's crazy about time to be a central Like but I must have been good. I mean he was good Oh, he was excellent ball, but like socially it was like well It was like it was like a whole bunch of those Miami guys playing football coming to Michigan going to school in Chicago Not going to class just causing mayhem causing mayhem around campus. Yeah, white women everywhere Yes, like Florida, Florida

just truly they are some of the they have some of those incredible athletes. It's the best football player. Unstable like, yeah, all those guys are like they all they're all like Kodak Black. Like they all have that like

Florida. I mean, Lamar Lamar is from Lamar is from Florida, too, and he he seems to be the most put together like Like superstar from I mean, that's probably not true because Florida does so he has so many but Lamar seems like you know He seems like an odd guy a little bit, but he's so good I mean, I did feel like he didn't get the vaccine but hey Hey a lot of motherfuckers didn't we are at a point at a critical point right now but you can look at someone and say I know you

not vaccinated yeah you know what you guys and then it's like we're coming it's coming around the point where it's like you might have by accident been right okay you might have by accident yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah who knows what the fuck was going on but so yeah we are liking any like what kind of Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, very close to Baltimore and he's about an hour out so our 15 hours right we are part of like any like clubs or like student group union groups and shit like that oh this was a go ahead I did I did our history association I was pretty about I mean it was like the most meager student club you've ever it was probably like seven people at any given time in the semester. Just like, you know.

What were your big, what were your big, what were your most, biggest successes in the art history association? What did you guys get going? Getting, getting funding approved from the SGA to do like a $200 road trip to a museum in Philadelphia. Who was in it, dude? it a was what was the squad like I don't know. The squad was pretty normal. One of them was like some party girl who was kind of a senior She's pretty cool fun. Normal is kind of surprising and

There's just like, you know me and just so a couple random motherfuckers Yeah, I was part of this group called the collective action for cultural unit just a couple random motherfuckers. It is, yeah. It is very close to my experience. I was part of this group called the Collective Action for Cultural Unity. And I can't tell you a single fucking thing we did to assemble every Wednesday or whatever the hell. And I do remember though, I think we were the group that had to be like,

we had to create events whenever some racist shit was happening. There was one time somebody in the science department was in, I guess, tied some test tubes out as nooses. That was a big thing on our campus. It was around the time of like the genus six shit. So we were like, I was like, I don't have to like, we had to like, you know, put together curate like panel discussions and shit like that. I'm like, what the fuck am I doing here? I really, man, and posture syndrome should have kicked in, but it did. I just was like, yeah, I can, I can do this. I truly was so useless in college. Totally. I'd be having dreams sometimes that like, that I'm back on my campus and like I haven't

finished that. So you still have credit to get my degree. I'm like, I definitely graduated. But like, there's always like that idea of like, I don't even remember. I don't know how I graduated because I was like really fucking like bad. I went to class and shit and just did all the easy shit. But like I was partying every year. Real fucked up. Oh my God. Yes. I mean, got my first STD.

I mean, my final year of school was like insane because like I was like broke as hell working at McDonald's and TJ Maxx in a dirty ass apartment living with some other motherfucker who probably dropped out or whatever just chilling in Mount Pleasant and like Apartment dirty as shit. No furniture sleeping on the floor And I was a floor. I had I had hooked up. I hooked up with a catch this male cheerleader That that was the time I slipped up,

didn't wrap it up. And I woke up, got into that apartment, pissed. I was like, ooh. Really? The classic burn. Had to go to the clinic, get the shot in the butt, dump it all out in 24 hours. But there's nothing, I don't think there'll ever be

a rock bottom for me more than having to lay on the floor of my dirty ass apartment. You were on the floor, not even an air mattress? Dick, not even an air mattress. Dick on fire calling McDonald's to tell them I can't come in, I'm sick. That was like, oh I have to get my life together. Sorry, my cock is in flames. I couldn't possibly make quarter pounders today that turned me that turned me that really trains I was like I'm not topping no more I'm not dipping my cock in any of these dirty gay asses This is what happens when you start fucking the girl. I didn't know. That turned me into a full-fledged bottom.

I was like, I'm taking it from here on out. But that is no longer true. I'm actually... Okay, you're back. I'm back. Nice, dude. Have you aged out of bottoming? Yes. And that's a conversation that needs to be had.

Bottoming is a young man's sport. Well your asshole still snaps back. It's like a young ACL. You know, Blake Griffin didn't dunk the same way in his 30s as he did in his 20s. You don't get fucked in your ass the same way in your 30s. You are saying all the right shit. I don't care what nobody got to say about your opinion this night because we shared that opinion. Thank you. That is a young man's point. I think after 30, hang your drawers in the rafters.

Special occasions maybe, you know. Birthday show. If you want to buy them on your birthday, go go hard. Don't have too much dairy beforehand. But yeah, go ahead. Dairy is, I like, I watch a lot of porn. Yeah. But yeah Yeah, and there is nothing crazier than when I like scroll through and see like some 45 year old motherfucker getting bent over This is childish behavior

That's so funny. You said there were too many box. So it's also a mini. It's also supply and demand thing I mean you ask a lot of gay men. They're like, you know It's also supply and demand thing. I mean you ask a lot of gay men, they're like, you know, yeah, we are overwrought with bottom act. Like where are all the tops? I'm adding myself to like- Yeah, you're stepping up for the community. I'm doing it for the community.

I truly am. But I can't, you know, I can't, I'm taking now, stop. Oh really? I'm in a relationship. Really? How long have you been dating? Four months. Good for you, man. It's been nice.

That's great. It's been nice. Like, okay, here's an issue I've been having. Not with him, but it's really within me. I'd love to talk about this, because you've been single pretty much the whole time we've been friends. No, no, no, no.

I've had some like, deadly situations, but this is serious. Yeah, it felt like, all the other ones, it never really felt, it felt like just- They just fizzled. Yeah. But this has been nice. I have been thinking though, I'm like,

I really do need to get my life together when it comes to my living, cause I'm not like a decorator. Sure. My apartment's fine, he's even said so, but I'm like, no, cause I've been at your apartment. It's nice. It's nice, he got plants, he got paintings on the wall.

Different fixtures on his doors. Yeah. Not the ones that came with the apartment Yeah, and I'm like, I'm like my apartment really doing the same thing So it's like every time that I'm happy when you started topping You lost your eye for design I went to Paris in February. I still haven't unpacked Clothes everywhere. I'm like, because it's not like I got like trash and shit ever it's just unorganized. Yeah, that's just me I like I just yeah, I'm just a little scatterbrained sometimes and I'm just like, yeah, it's like, you know, I live alone

So it's like everything I don't have nobody to blame it of course. I don't know everything is here as it once It's just you. Yeah, it's so I'm kind of oh no, everything is here as it was. Once it's just you, yeah. So I'm kinda like, do I hire a person or do I just grow the fuck up and organize my place? And is this, are you feeling like an overall, are you feeling like an overall time to grow up thing? Like I'm in a good relationship. He's very irresponsible. He's responsible.

In a way that I'm not. Gotcha. And I think slowly but surely that's starting to show itself. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he still says like, oh no, you're good. I'm like, you don't mean it. But surely every time we go out and it's like late and I'm like, can we go back to your apartment?

Yeah, I don't want to be, this is too late in the night to be faced. I don't need you to see the fucking lube stains on my fucking top sheet for me taking care of myself the morning before I saw you. Yeah, dude, you need a fresh top sheet for that. Interesting. Because like my mom visits me every Mother's Day. And so since I moved into this one bedroom, she stays with me. And I was like, OK, so that's when I really like tidy up. I be blind plants. I put some paintings on the wall. I was like, I don't want's when I really like tidy up I'll be blind plants

It's like bare minimum though, I'm not going all out so sure and the plants will die within three weeks They all and yeah, no plants walk out of my But my mom is so funny like to introduce it to me into our life. But my mom, it's so funny, like she walked in and just saw like my setup and she was like, hmm, I thought you were gay. I'm like, look who's the fucking comedian. You crazy.

Roasting your ass. I thought I had a gay son. I thought I had a gay son. I haven't been to a fucking brunch. I haven't fucking gone to a drag show. You have no no fucking paintings on your walls. There's no kitschy stuff on your bookshelves. What is this?

That's how my stepdad kind of like he praises me for that. He's like he's like, you know what? My son's still a man. Maybe gay. Maybe gay. Yeah. My son still a man A gay guy even a slightly homophobic man to love That's a nice line to walk

Yeah, dude, I agree with you about the like, you know, it's maybe it is time I got a place in Baltimore and I I'm trying to make it look I bought a couple actual Paintings and I went to a like a fucking gallery and I bought like which that is the only time I ever felt rich Right looked at a painting on the wall and I was like, yes, I'll take that But yeah, I bought a little art I did talk to like it's like I hired a fucking full-time designer but I'm talking just just to get somebody who knows what the fuck they're doing because I feel like I have you know I give it my best shot but it's not like my taste is that good or even that I know how to put a room together like there's a couple things I love like I can pick out a couple cool things but you know I'm no fucking designer but I

feel that I definitely feel a general sense of you know the clock's fucking ticking bro and it's like I feel like both of us when you're doing anything with a weird path and you finally feel secure you know you've been at SNL for a while now shit my shit's going starting to feel like you know I've at least gotten through my head that like I'm good for you know know what I mean? Like I'm secure enough where I can plan my life. And you know, we're at the age where it's like, yeah, youth is gone, bro. You know what I mean? Yes, bottoming is over. Bottoming is over.

Bottoming is over. I'm drinking Diet Coke. We're drinking Diet Coke. I gotta buy some babies. We're hitting the gym just to not die. Just to not die. You know? Trying to avoid potential injury. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like, I definitely feel that. And I feel like, you know avoid potential injury. Yeah. Yeah, so it's like I do I definitely feel that and I feel like you know

Yeah, you just gotta there's a little bit of that It's a it's a strange time in life cuz no one wants to hear old people don't want to hear you Talk about how you're getting old because they would fucking slit, you know They're back there was someone's throat to be 35 or whatever Yeah, and young people just do mock you for being old like to them you are old and I'm like okay good luck with that once you get up out the bed weird one day you don't be like I should have listened to style. But I'm with it I mean I do I definitely feel that of like you know trying to make my shit

look like I'm not a divorced father you know you don't want to divorce. My shit looks like I like you know like me solving murders Your wife's real killer My mom tried to help me out She like she like I guess went online and like there's like this service that like you can take pictures of like You know from y'all from online and like frame them and I'll send those mail them to you like these little cubes. Oh yeah I've seen those. She bought like she ordered like 20 of these like half of which are like pictures of my family picture with like pictures of family members and like me at me with

friends at weddings and shit like that yeah but then like the other half were just all pictures of me. My headshots. She took pictures of me like that. But then the other half were just all pictures of me. My headshots. She took pictures of me that were a tag that she loved. People at comedy shows and my headshots. I called her, I was like, what makes you think I'm getting ready to put these up on my partner?

20 pictures of yourself. Of myself. With my fucking clearance, Thomas fucking mean Jesus. She was so mad. She was so mad. She was like, Alex, I wish you would've told me before I ordered it.

I'm like, I don't know why you thought I would be posting pictures of myself around my, I would look absolutely crazy. I would look insane. You'd look like a fucking lunatic. I mean, you're in a relationship now, but imagine you like invite someone over to just, and just the fuck, right?

That's, salute the gay guys, they got that figured out. You'll let somebody just come over that you don't know to fuck. And imagine being a guy, imagine walking into a guy's place that you're about to hook up with you don't know, and you see he has 20 pictures of himself. You're like, he's gonna kill me. He's going to kill me.

But the dick is gonna be insane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's two things happening, it's two prongs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know what, I did fuck up in some of the placement cuz there is a picture of like my mother in my bedroom and I'm like well, that's not good I don't want them to be coming You don't want that possibility

You do not want that possibility. We gotta take that one down and put it in the living room. Gotta go in the living room No way. Yeah, I considered that too cuz I was like, I'm trying to figure out what to do with my bedroom and I'm like, no loved ones in here. No loved ones in the bedroom. This is for busting. This is a place of rest and busting. This is not a place of thinking of the ones you love platonically the most. That's fucking wild. But that's nice though, man.

You know, serious relationship and you're feeling good about it. You know, it's nice though, man, you know, you know the serious relationship and you're feeling good about it you know, it's crazy though like Anytime I like start to seriously date someone that's when like my Instagram like discover page is just like off the charts Yeah, yeah, it's just ass. Yeah, they're trying to get you back And you know what? I'm gonna I'm gonna say this and I'm really going I've been I've been going on the record a lot today I love gonna say this and I'm really going I've been I've been going on the record a lot today I love it continue this I love it because I've been making it, you know, this is an observation both in the gym and on social media Yeah, I want to apologize to white man. Thank you about time Stop right there White man, yeah have dick

well You can take that apology back. I just thought you should have been more specific. This doesn't really apply to the men in this room. But listen, I don't mean to trigger you up to my boys. I've been going to the gym. Between going to the gym and seeing what I've been seeing online. I don't know what the white boys been eating. But like they are out here swinging. Ass too. I think the narrative for a long time,

in the 90s, you like watch those like Def Jam videos. White men used to get ragged on a lot for having like tiny dicks. And I'm like, I don't know what the, it must have been a shift. Shift in nature happened. Because I'm like, whoa. When white women got asses,

the naturally the white dick had to evolve to keep pace. Yeah. Yeah. To get past the bigger ass cheeks. That's possible. I mean, I definitely have. That was an observation I had. Yeah. At the gym. I've been in the gym like, wow, look at these guys. Whoa. And you weren't you. You didn't date a lot of white guys or no? I mean I definitely have And you weren't you you didn't date a lot of white guys or no Some of my black friends would say that you did even he'd been doing that But actually was just having that conversation with Marie yesterday. I was with her and she was like

Yeah, I'm like, yeah, everybody making this joke. You show up with two white boys back to back and oh now Alex only fuck white boys? No, I have equal opportunity. I fuck everybody. All right? I don't give a fuck about none of that shit. But the niggas though, like for me, the whole race thing was just like, oh, I was only having sex with black dudes

because I'm from Detroit and that's all I saw. So like my first boyfriend was black. In college I had a boyfriend that was black. When I first got to New York, all I was fucking was niggas and then like then I discovered Latinos Fun yeah Filipino guy before yeah, you're into another white guy and now now yeah now I'm in Brazil Good for you a little tour of the world. Yeah, I mean I've always had like a very I was

closed up before like earlier you know I was always a knife up in a white man yeah yeah they don't me yeah but I met the right one and I was like okay I could do this sounds pretty good I can figure this out yeah I definitely I mean I think about that because most of my early jacking off was black girls because I'm with the Baltimore City Public Schools It's I would you know and I haven't fucked as many black girls I would have liked you know high school me There is still time we'd like to get it

Gals if you're out there if you want if you want to make 14 year old me's dreams come through We we you're on the road. Do your audiences, do you have black women in attendance? Yeah, but not as many as you'd like, you know? Are they like waiting? Are they like waiting? Okay, so let me make a public- On the road I have, it's most, it is, I'm trying to think- Black women in America, go to style shows, okay?

Thank you, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put this in the clip. Thank you. Make it short, like I'm telling the black women- Thank you, thank you. Go get, laugh, Yeah, I'm single I'm single. Yeah, let get your pussy nice and good away from laughing. That's right Listen to this man

Best black me I Would love nothing more gals Look, I don't want to I five kids you think I want to make another white person No, but that's not up to me me who's gonna let me not inside of them I don't want we could end white people in a generation if you just fuck Oh, interesting. Can we all hear we're back in? We always talk about back to Dr. Umar. We always talk about

when we get on this show. I love that we get back to Dr. Umar. You know what it is now? That that ideology has kind of trickled over into into black gay, the black gay community. There are a lot of black. Oh, don't let the black interested side of the conversation.

Catch me talking like this. They don't know this. They gonna come for my ass real hard. There's a big conversation happening right now about like, you know, if you lay down with the white man as a gay black man, you are a buck breaker. You are, you've been enough for the oppressors. They're copying that language and there's like, yeah. That's insane because there's no way, like you're, I'm gonna guess Doc Dumar, not the most LGBTQ friendly guy. Like there's no way those HOTEP guys are like big on, it's like this weird thing of like almost like, you're not gonna get accepted here.

It's like black Republicans, right? I don't even think it's the, I don't think it's acceptance there necessarily. Or I'm sorry, gay Republicans. Yeah, I mean, which means, yeah. I mean either one, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. black republicans right i don't even think it's the i don't think it's acceptance there are some really republicans here i mean which neither one yeah yeah i don't even think they're craving the acceptance of like a doctor who marks

high they're just adopting the language to speak on a greater thing of like a cultural thing yeah like overall overall for black people in general general like a conversation of like this is like erasing the but it's like no we don't produce Yeah, whatever you want yeah, so it's I don't know I mean it's a tricky conversation to have that is interesting fucking anybody I want so that I mean, but like I think that like it's interesting to me the way like you said like gay Republicans I mean, have you seen the the revamp the black revamp of Candace Owens? No. I'm loving this spin she's doing. What's she doing? She's like showing up on black media like going to Breadfix Club like talking to black journalists like she's like kind of

doing like a little circle. What's she trying to do? Is it working? I don't know. I think she's trying to run for president. I can see that You're in You're in me our first black woman president well, this is like Yeah, what this country deserves? That's true. This was the this was actually a come town bit where mulling It was a great point how the funniest thing in the world would be if the first woman president was black or any minority because then white women would have to pretend they were happy for them.

And it's like, and you could tell, and then if it just kept going, it was like, black woman president, Chinese, then goes back to like Latino guy, then white guy, and it never gets to white woman. How it would be, they would be so pissed for like 50 years and they have to keep pretending they were happy about it. I'm gonna say that would be hilarious Black woman as the president she's Republican we might get revenge

She's like how you fell for our ruse. I will be appointing Dr. Umar Secretary of State. It was a Trojan, it was a Republican Trojan horse. White slavery is coming back. And the first thing we're getting rid of is loving Vivergina. Goodbye. And all interracial mages are null.

They're trying to get rid of it. They've been dissolved in the ice. Segregation is back. We're having black only water fountains. White people, y'all don't get water fountains. White people have puddles now. Y'all drink from the street. Drink from the sewer. I love it.

That would be quite the... That's how to do it, folks. It's not going to be through Obama. He's not coming back. To me, it's like, through Obama he's not coming back it really to me it's like oh he's not coming back no no no he's making Netflix documentaries oh my god did you see Rustin look I love I love coming Domingo I love the moment he's having a Hollywood but that movie was so boring but it's like oh yeah the Obamas made this yeah it's not gonna be it's like what book report I just remember when he when he left office being like alright like I was like, you know, there's gonna be good

he's a young president like I remember like just trying doing the mental gymnastics to be like Okay, he couldn't get everything done. He wanted to in his term but as like a figure in our politics it just kind of like looms over shit. And then the second he's out of office, he's fucking paragliding with Richard Branson. He's paragliding with billionaires. It's like, oh no, of course he's not gonna do anything. He's a rich fuck, he's a part of the like, he's a part of the, you know, the same thing with like,

I mean, the reason fucking Joe Biden's fucking dementia ass as president is because Bernie was winning and then Obama makes the call to all the moderates to be like, everybody fall in line behind Biden. I was an Elizabeth Warren guy, but I also like, you know, which is like really gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As I said, I was saying it out of my mouth. I was like, that might be the gayest thing I've ever said.

I was down for Elizabeth Warren. She was like really smart. And I'm like, but I knew it. And she was pretty liberal. I might be the gayest thing I've ever seen. I was down for Elizabeth Warren. She was like really smart. But I knew it. I knew she was pretty liberal too. It was like damn that's fucked up. No sauce.

She didn't have no sauce. Yeah, she was not here calling people bitches to they face. Not enough. Not enough. You gotta match with this motherfucker. She would've gotten worked by Trump. She would've asked. Would've gotten worked by Trump.

What was he calling her? Pocahontas? Yeah, yeah. I mean, back then it's so funny. What was he calling her? Pocahontas? Yeah, yeah. I mean, back then, it's so funny. Yeah, I mean, he's so funny. There's no way we can pretend he's not the most fucking hilarious guy of all time. People hate when I say this.

But they're lying to me. When I met him, I met him before. Oh, yeah, because he went, he did SNL. No, I wasn't there when he did SNL. Oh, you weren't. I used to work at a restaurant down in the financial district And I back in like 20 before he got this 40 election before you got into politics Yeah before you got into politics. He was so funny guy of all time

Everything he did was hysterical. I mean we've talked about this before in college We would play him talking about Rosie O'Donnell. We had like memorized that like monologue He was like talking about how he's gonna fuck her wife and like, you know I'm gonna take some money out of her fat ass pockets and we're just like who fused with rosie o'donnell It was like besides elizabeth haslund. Yeah. Yeah, and then it became you know, he became all everything funny about him Also just translated into darkness like damn, but he's still but it was still funny. I started to cut you off No, he was he was a good tipper. Awesome I was like

Holding court with the table. Yeah talking to me are nice or whatever. I don't know what he said But it was just like oh, this is the guy on TV that I like. Yeah, he come down that fucking escalator I'm like, well who the fuck is it? That's what I mean Shane's met him before I think he met him at UFC and you just talked about how it's like Yeah, he's just an old rich guy who compliments everyone he's just like he just tells everyone they're handsome yeah he literally told every man he saw he looked very handsome and it's like that's hilarious he's a rich old guy who's like you look beautiful it's like telling other men they're like it look handsome is such a funny move anyway my goodness

whatever we're not gonna solve the election right now but we can solve some people's problems Alex I think yeah I think with your expertise we can really help our friends here so I'll just why don't you dial up some and by the way you don't have anything to plug anything you want people to check out or um I forget the date but at the end of July I will be at in Nashville okay I'm doing a Zane's yes they already have it online so just look for look get on the calendar go to the end of July hit the road a little bit guys are off I don't really have a whole lot of dates set up yet um but I'll probably like yeah my

Instagram is yeah check out his shit Great point my friend Who's on this podcast right now? I just want to take a break from our riveting conversation To highlight the listeners of this show because we've told them over and over again Hey, give us a five-star review and some of them will do it to the kindness of their hearts, but others, they need attention. And we're here to give it to them.

So what we're going to do here, occasionally on this program, when we don't have a mid-roll advertisement, we will highlight some of our favorite five star reviews. You'll get on here. If you're witty, you keep it quick, and you don't, and it's five stars. Take the four stars and shove shove them I don't want to hear this is North Korea media as far as I'm concerned and listen you can trash us you can trash me and others but give us five stars trash us personally say something nice about the

show and give us five stars you can be on it we prefer if you didn't here for example here our friend Joel Acasio says maybe some connection to Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez who knows best show he's ever heard stoppy baby could bang my girlfriend if I had one this is the only show that I am checking my phone every 10 minutes the day of an episode is to come out sounds like eldest needs to be doing a little better with the uploads Love it keep doing it and if you ever make a movie Please use an all Albanian indentured servant crew for the set yeah, right and the fucking cameras go missing overnight nice thinking

But thank you for that five star of you. Here's one from scolnia the best comedian podcast right now Wow that makes us feel good listen to this show is a balding man has given me the confidence to grow my hair out That's what I like to hear no one has a better time with guests and gives incredible life advice while being funny I even love eldest in his incompetence. Hey is shocking how good all this is This show the fact of the show comes out at all is incredible. He really pulls it off Here's one from hand Jason. I peed one of the best podcasts Are you garbage episodes insanely funny love those boys my co-workers now think I have a disability or I'm on lots of drugs from laughing So hard well, that's what we can hope for is that your co-workers think you're fucked up on the job. Thanks to this podcast

Thank you for those five star views. We have any more. That's it for this for this for this up one more. Sure. Just too drunk without question. The best podcast out there. Stav is witty, funny and incredibly easy to binge. Geez. Just thank you. Best patron out there as well. Only five dollars a month.

You get exclusive episodes at ad free. That's correct correct one of the only comedians I can not recognize the first name of and decide to listen to anyways Stavi introduced me to so many incredible comedians and puts them on I do like doing that a real comedians comedian if I can go back in time it would be to when I found Stavi's world eldest you rule now that's beautiful eldest does rule and thank you for putting an organic plug to the patreon in there, too We're just doing this to get five star reviews, but hey if you want to sign up for the patreon just too drunk They are right about that. We also have a great patreon, and we we don't miss we've never in

Almost is it over two years? How long we doing this a year and a half Think it'll be two years this fall or winter so you're yeah, that's right we been doing this? A year and a half? I think it'll be two years this fall or winter. Two years, yeah, that's right. Two years in December. In a year and a half, we haven't missed an upload ever. We've been late like only a handful of times. Yeah, sure. There's been a handful of 10 p.m. uploads. Right. Elders is on the day it comes out. It's come out at 11 p.m. Which, are you even doing it that day? Not really. But hey, he was probably on vacation and assured me it wouldn't affect his work quality

He could definitely find Wi-Fi in Hawaii But either way we've never taken a day off and we won't we record in batches So the people have a steady stream of podcasts, but thank you for the five star reviews. Keep them coming. We love you and Now what were we talking about buddy? All right, I'll just place a couple calls. Okay. What's up, Stottie? I work in a service industry job and I just made a horrible mistake by hooking up with

a coworker last night. Classic. And she's cool and everything. She's a little bit older than me. I'm like 23 and she's like 29. But like I'm worried it's going to make things awkward at work because there's no way that nobody talks about it or anybody is able to keep this under wraps. Yeah, of course. And I was also hooking up with a different co-worker prior to that Still works there

so now we're all gonna be working together and Everybody that we've worked with is gonna know fucking dumbass piece of shit and Oh, that's fucking dumbass. I'm a piece of shit. And putting this job is not an option. I'm kind of working myself into a management position. And yeah, I just don't know the best way

to make this go over as smooth as it possibly I love it. Huh? No, that's possible. It's not But yeah, I'd appreciate it. I love these call this style of call is no work at the bear It's literally like go ahead. We're gonna say an aspiring manager at a restaurant. I'm sure he won't be fucking any other First of all, there's the culture of working in restaurants you're 23 and you're like it's not an option let me tell you something it is an Option you're so young you can fucking go to a different seafood restaurant right? but also I love this genre of call where people do something horrible and they're like

It's like it's the equivalent like the call is like they don't call you to talk them out of the murder they call you to help clean up the body you did it you already fought you knew what you were doing you're young dumbass and listen I'm not even judging you that's that's what working in restaurants is that's what it is you ever yeah always I mean there's a lot of women a lot of times that I worked with like waiting tables stuff like that Usually guys were like the chefs in like front of house sometimes too, but like I think like How is it impossible that no one talks about it though? I'm like, I'm wondering is that is the dynamic there? No, they're gonna talk about it. You think?

Absolutely. Because I don't know that people just be like publicly being like, you know I fucked him, right? Or like is it? Come on, in restaurants they weren't gossiping about who was fucking who. I don't really recall there being a lot of that. Not like behind each other's backs. You don't think like, if you're in a restaurant

and somebody and you know, the new girl fucks the fucking chef. Chef, mm-hmm. You don't think people are gonna start whispering about that? Maybe, I guess, or even like just like the way people behave around people who have hooked up I guess I'm just going off because I never worked service in the shows always too clumsy and

Stupid and you couldn't remember I would spend a lot of time with these people Yeah, 15 hour days with totally but I'm working at like just offices. Oh It's spread who fucked who was all over it was all over the lunch, but I kind of want to say I feel like he's overestimating the impact of it. You know what I mean? What's like possible people people be fucking and I think we're in a we're at a point in time right now where it's just like Oh, you fucked him. Yeah, I fucked him, too Okay, yeah, let's just put these chicken rings on this fucking plate and let's keep it moving Yeah, well, it's also deep is but I don't know their relationship either

So I don't know but I do think you might be on to something where it's like look, dude You might actually be the little piece of ass. They're passing right? You're worried about all their feelings. You're 23 She's 29. I don't know how old the other one was. Yeah, but you might be for the team You don't even know that you might be getting your fucking little boy pussy worked over You might be getting you know little boy pussy worked over. You might be getting, you know, sexed in to TGI Fridays. That's a possibility, you know. Now, I think my guess is maybe, you know, maybe she's a little she's 29. I mean, you also can't tell that because people who are like career,

like service industry people that don't aren't doing it to do something else, or even if they are, and like, let's say this woman's like a 29 year old actress who it just hasn't happened for her for fucking eight years. And now she gotta settle into this position. And like, and so like, it can go either way. I can see it going either way, because it's like, these people are either like,

whatever, I'm just trying to get a nut off this guy, who cares, or like, people start getting desperate when shit doesn't go their way, and they've been a waiter the whole time and no one's buying that screenplay and like you just never know right so we do need a little more context I'd say and it also the matters on how key yeah just how he handles it I think how you should go about it is like don't bring it up unless somebody else brings it up to you. Cause you can't control like people talking about it behind your back, but you can control like your like

your engagement with it. Like they can know whatever until they confront you with it. Maybe just like, don't even bother. Don't even let it change the way you behave. Don't try and get ahead of it. Don't try, like you didn ahead of it. Lay low brother. You didn't harm anyone. You had your sex.

She got theirs too. I agree with you but I wonder the thing tripping me up is the different co-worker. We don't know anything about that. We don't know anything about this one either. He just said it's a hookup. was it a drunken hookup has this woman

been pursuing him for a while you've been pursuing her involved with her feel like did he dog the other girl right like is the other girl maybe somebody his age who wanted to date him and he just fucked her and like kind of ghosted her and just ignores her at work like both of them instead I love you you're the only one for me looking in my eyes and then he creamfied her or he fucked one of them better than the other conversation. You know, that's another one. He's such a toes. He didn't suck my toes. Yeah, there's a lot. There's a lot missing here, but we don't know a lot just err on the side of just

like leave it, leave it where it is. If they are talking about it, hey, whatever. I also I also just sometimes you get a young call and it's like, it doesn't really matter. These are the mistakes of youth. There might be fallout, but guess what? Life is not over. You'll figure it out. And the next time you're presented with this,

you know how to behave. And also, even though the importance he places on this job, I'm willing to bet my life you're wrong about not quitting this job. About this job not quitting this job not being an option. It is a huge option. I mean, I'm curious like where he lives and like, cause you know, in his voice it sounds like,

oh yeah, this is like, I need this job. It feels like that. So I'm just wondering. And look, you might need a job, but it's still the same thing where it's like. But you're 23, yeah. You're 23. There's so much opportunity waiting for you in your life. a 23 year old the manager might have said yeah, man One day I can see you doing this and in his mind He's working towards a management position

You know what I mean? Like I've been that stupid where I'm like I'm like things have dawned on me after the fact I'm like that guy doesn't even remember what he said to me I remember like I remember remember that't even remember what he said to me. I remember, like I remember, remember that gig that I took you to in Fredericksburg? The first one where we were smoking Clove cigarettes in Virginia? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was this guy, I did a bringer, right?

And you know. Gosh, I miss those. I did a bringer at a seafood restaurant when I was 19 at College Park. And a lot of my friends from high school went to that school and It was like oh stops gonna go do stand-up So I brought like you know how it is when you first do comedy and like in a bringer for everybody who doesn't know It's like you have to bring at least five people. Yeah, they're the worst shows in comedy

But your friends are laughing only at you These are really shitty promoters that don't want to do any work So they they they prey on new comics who can still get people to come. Because after a while, even your best friends, it's like people come the first five times you do stand up like, dude, how many times do I got to pay? And then exactly two drinks for this. Yeah. And then and then the same ten jokes, ten minutes. Totally, totally.

And then they won't come again for a decade unless you're successful now my friends come right yeah but but back but back then so that this whole business model to take advantage of yes these dumb little open these 19 year old stand up right so I I go you know dude we must have like 20 people from high school came like it I like I packed the place out. I crush of course, cause you had all your friends. And you know, the jokes are horrible. Horrific jokes. 19 year old jokes.

19 year old fat hack. Like some might say I'm still a fat hack, but imagine if you think I'm bad at comedy now, think about me 19, I've done it three times in my life. Right? Hump in the stool. Dude, yeah. No, I didn't have the confidence, but I wanted to. It's a lot of like, I'm too fat for that. I life right up in the stool dude. Yeah, no, I just didn't have the confidence

But I wanted to it's a lot of like I'm too fat for that. I can't even wipe my own ass That was literally one of the punch lines Anyway, I cry what feels like to me crushing and then this other comic who was on the on the thing He's like dude. That was fucking awesome Like you should come do my fucking thing and And it was, it paid 50 bucks. I was like holy shit I'm already getting paid gigs. I'm gonna make it right? And then this, for my entire stand up career,

this was a big moment for, I always looked at this thing as like a huge thing. And I was like, and it still was cool. Like I did pretty well. We obviously didn't bring any people because it was like two hours away right? But I was like it was really fun and Eldest came with me and we made like a whole thing of it and Years later that same he was originally from Boston years later. That same guy is working at the cop

I'm opening for Bobby right and We're in Boston. He's hosting he happens to be hosting right? And I'm like, oh dude What the fudge crazy to run into you it's been years and he's like yeah he's like hey man and he's like not he's like he's excited to see me but he doesn't really give a fuck you know and he's like and the first thing this guy says he's like yeah man I mean we did that show and I just thought you were gonna bring like 30 people that's why I gave you that thing and I was like what? You didn't

think I was you didn't think I was the next fucking rising star in stand-up He purely saw how many kids I brought and he's like, oh, oh, yeah, that's gonna bring a room He's gonna fill in my whole life this thing that I thought met was like a sign I'm destined to stand up was just a guy wanting to sell He wanted to sell three hundred300 more on tickets, right? Yeah. And so that's what, and I was younger. I was about this age.

I was like 21, 20, whatever, 19. And so I think it's very possible that you, are you really being groomed for a management position? Or did somebody just give you like a, did a manager give you a compliment? I'm just saying all this shit. You're in your head about a shit hearing your head about all this shit is not I know it's that's When you hear this advice it doesn't feel good because I know to this guy this little Love triangle and his job is the most important thing in the world

This will not matter to you in three years none of this will matter to you won't remember those women years. None of this will matter to you. You won't remember those women. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but yeah, lay low, whatever happens happens. And I would just say really reconsider how it's how not an option, how much of a not option it is to quit. And I'm not saying don't have a job, but I'm saying maybe look at other restaurants, look at other stuff. If you really have, if it's uncomfortable, if it's fine, if everybody's just chilling and nobody's talking about it, don't be paranoid about it. Y'all talking about it like that's not gonna vote with for you either. Yeah, yeah, just go about it. You brought up the bringer shows though. When I started doing bringer shows, I used to log in a grinder and have dudes come to the show. That's how I

that's how I got my people in. And then they would like message me and be like, Hey, what's up? And I would already be gone. And then they would like message me and be like, hey, what's up? And I would already be gone. Weaponizing these guys' horniness. Wow, that's fucking hilarious. That's awesome. Damn. Imagine being that horny you go see open mic level comedy.

Yeah, stop. Weren't you always doing that with chicks too back when you were 20 years old? Yeah, I would get all these pussy to come by just begging for my cock. Sometimes they would like bring their friend I love that, you know, you know, it's funny. You should have been like, hey man, I'm not there anymore But there's three other horny guys

Why do you guys all suck each other off? Honestly, probably not a bad consolation prize. If I'm those guys, I'm like, all right, whatever. Hit us with another one, Eld. Hey, stop. I know the transcriptions are going to be long. I'm calling because I have a question for you regarding dad. My dad has basically always been like a fail dad

my whole life. Classic. He fucked everything up. He always fucks things up. Anyways, he recently lost his job, which sucks, you know? But he keeps finding these other jobs that just aren't legit. For example, I think most recently he's gotten involved with a multi-level marketing team.

Oh no. I don't know if he realizes that's what it is. But all I can think about is how much this could torpedo him downward even more than he already is Oh my god I have a three year old little brother, I'm thirty What? And I just like worry about their future He has a three year old

I worry about their security And I don't know whether I should tell him that like, dad I think you are working for an MLM I think you're gonna get fucked over Or if I could just like sit back and support him I can't imagine any dad wants to hear that from his daughter that like she thinks what you're doing is Probably a scam. How's that? But I mean just right there you see what kind of relationship they have She's like any dad wouldn't want his daughter to warn him about a scam?

Do you see, understand what that says about your relationship with your parent? That like, if I told my mom, ma, this guy's stealing money from you, she'd be like, oh, you saved me again, Stavro. Like, she'd be so, she'd be so happy. Like, a healthy relate. That just says so much about how your dad

can't ever have you being right right or like he has such insecurity Which probably because he's a fucking idiot. He fucked everything up Yeah He has so much insecurity about being corrected about something that if this guy is in his feelings about you trying to Stop him from getting scams. You're not like being a cunt to him for no reason You're lovingly trying to make sure your 3 year old brother has clothes. You know what I mean? Anyway, let's keep going Eldis. Let's finish here.

But I don't really know what to do. I don't want to end up in a couple years seeing my dad and being like, wow, maybe if I had said something, he wouldn't be in such a bad place now. Anyways, yeah, I love your show. Oh, man, this is a tough one. Oh, man. The little having having a dad that just doesn't know how to operate and function as a person that must be very stressful that it's stories like this that make me thank God that my dad

was in prison I can truly see a path like my father being like this. Yeah, I'm like I feel for you girl Do you have do you see your biological father at all? The last time I saw him during the holidays he your biological father at all or? The last time I saw him during the holidays, he had hip replacement surgery. No, he got into a car accident. Which then triggered him, I guess he's still in the process of suing

whatever truck company that hit his car. And then he got hip replacement surgery following that. But what he never told me was that the hip replacement he has needed that hip replacement long before the accident yeah trying to get the company to pay for it the reason why he has been needed the reason why he's been needed it is because he was shot several times during a drug deal that went wrong when I was like two years old Jesus Christ Christ, you're two? Every time I come here, I give you a stupid, crazy story about my father. So I feel for you, girl.

So you get it. If anybody gets it, you get it. I'm here for you on the dumb dad shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. I mean, like, he, I'm so, I have questions too, because I'm just like, what is his, like, education level? Sure, yeah, yeah.

I mean, the fact that you're 30 and your brother is three is telling me a whole lot of other stuff too. Yeah, absolutely. It's like, uh. That's crazy. The decision making is three is telling me a whole lot of other stuff. Yeah That's crazy the decision-making bad decision-making and the brother complicates things because Look if it's just your dad and he's a piece of shit and like, you know You can be there for him, but it's not your thing. Like the little brother is really tough

Yeah, because it's like you look without him if your dad fucks his life up that's sad but hey he's a fucking adult he's your father it's not like yeah I mean with the kid it's like fuck it is around in your 30s when you start to just say and this is said at nauseam now though but you realize oh yeah like your parents are like actual human beings right don't know everything right right getting fucked up right that just be fucking Yeah, I I don't know it feel like she might have to take that three-year-old brother in Legitimately he's not willing to listen to reason I'm like I'm like you stop I'm like you can't be worried about you know how his feelings you know Definitely you gotta be straight up women be like yo you fucking up

You need to find like a real good honest job. You need to go work at that restaurant at that last call Truly need to get him. So it's like yeah, you know be yeah, and I wonder how her father is I know that's so to be but I mean if you're 30 to be of a particular age You got to be like he got to be at least 60 Well, you never know I mean this guy could had her when he was 20, you know what I mean? Right, right, you know like so but still 50 50 50 60 something like probably in the So bad for the dad though. I still feel I do Feels like I don't know if he's like aggressive or black if he takes correction or whatever

but it feels it there's like a charm to it for me where I'm like, oh he's just like a He just kind of like a guy who fuck for me where I'm like, oh, he's just like a he's just kind of like a guy who fucks up. You know, I fuck up sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want him to like kind of see life in a more narrow, like straight, straighter path. But like, you know, I've yeah, I've been there. But I mean, that's also I mean, that's also that makes so much sense that you would have that opinion

because your biological dad's like that. But you also because your stepdad got to have stability. So it didn't negatively affect you. And your mom was really great about when he was, you know what I mean? So you kinda got the best of both worlds in that you can have a lot of empathy because your dad didn't fuck your shit up.

But at the same time, you see where he fucked up and so you can hope for the best. yeah, I feel for this guy, too I mean just be I feel for anyone that's desperate enough. I wonder if I fall for an MLM I mean yeah, that's a good question. I'm gonna guess if she is the kid ain't hers I'm gonna guess this is a half brother. I mean or or the fact maybe like maybe her maybe her her Mother I'm maybe her her mother I'm gonna say her mother is alive hurt. They're divorced definitely not that because if her mom Well, I don't know it's just like there has to be a woman somewhere to be like well, hey, that's get it together

That's not his daughter. Yeah, totally and I mean that's the other thing about this guy. You're right 30 year old and three year old kid says to me like yeah There's these fuck-ups that maybe are handsome They can scam their way into like living off a woman essentially Yeah, like that's a very specific type of archetype of shitty dad that he might and you know Not even when I even talk about like the most handsome guy of all time. We're just like, you know Yeah, he's a six amongst threes. You know, I mean but I think the key here though is what you said stop is where she says I can't imagine my dad wants to hear from his daughter

say it anyway exactly because it doesn't matter what he wants right he's off that mm-hmm you know and also you and that's so again that said this is so much because you can tell she never just says what she thinks she always has to worry about his feelings and honestly girl if like if he don't take the correction and his shit spirals And he gets scammed out of all his money call child protection services Yeah, yeah, yeah, literally truly. I mean that's if you're that concerned You know I mean yeah actually cuz yeah, you don't want it to get too far And then your brother is like fucked up on some shit almost over this yeah

But you doubt you you definitely should say something and look look, if your dad's gonna be fucking weird about it, then it's like, all right, well, fuck off. It's like, you don't talk to me, because you're at this point. Don't come crying to me, you want all your money is leaked out of your fucking account. Like, yeah. So yeah, definitely say something.

And also like, really think about, you know, what kind of relationship you want to have with him. I get that your brother, you know, your brother definitely complicates things, because if it was for, your brother definitely complicates things because it was for the brother I would say it was for the brother what my advice would be Tell your dad if he responds poorly give him an ultimatum that he cannot talk to you that way And if he ever crossed that boundary just cut him out of your life If you said he's failed you so many times, that's what I would say now again

The brother complicates things a little bit But you still shouldn't allow your dad to kind of like behave any way he wants towards you. So, definitely say something, see how it goes, feel it out, but you know. And ultimately, as hard as it is to say, you have to realize this isn't your job. You can't.

Yes, number one. You can't, you cannot be trying to fix it. He's your parent. But he's also a grown ass man. He's your parent, but he's also Man, you know, you're grown-ass man. Yeah grown-ass woman. I grown-ass man is making his own grown-ass Yeah, and I'm saying he's your parent in that the relationship should be he needs to be worried about you surviving like it's crazy That's the whole job is he even raises you you can't be I know you know and I definitely feel you know I There's a little projection here Maybe for sure because I definitely feel that way about my I feel like I have to take care of my whole family

So I get that but if all they're gonna be is now if this guy always gonna Do is like be a headache for you? You know you can't worry about that and you have to start kind of at least standing up for yourself Within the context of this relationship if you want to have one with him. And as sad as it is, and I'm not going to tell you fuck the, you know, fuck the little kid, but like he's got a mom, he's got a dad. Even the kid is not your responsibility. Now, if you obviously, you know, what is technically your responsibility and what like emotionally is a responsibility is like, obviously I'm not saying if you feel the need to help him out help him out but just keep all that stuff in mind and you know part of me part of me

wonders like how down bad the dad really is I mean obviously like doing like a Ponzi scheme cutco knife or who knows whatever the fuck he's fucking with like yeah do your 50 year old man who falls for that yeah fucking stupid do you have at the same time like yeah I do, I do wonder, like, you know, is that little kid's mom, like, around? Like, how damn bad are they? Yeah, we don't know that. Because there's like a lot of contempt in this girl's voice, like, separate from like, what a dumbass her dad may be. So I wonder if she's just like, you know, it's like, ask yourself, are you just like so mad is this just yet

another small but not that big of a deal thing in the grand scheme of like your dad's like countless like yes let's fuck ups and like are you just becoming incensed because you're so close to it you don't know how to like control your contempt for him right well it's also I agree with you that it also we could be reading it wrong, and it's like If you are in an MLM, and maybe he lost his job But they have because this happens sometimes with shitty dads where they get it right on the second family Where they're like they're around more for that kid? Yeah, they they they have a woman that supports them and and you know it's potential

It's potentially this kid isn't like danger or anything but and maybe they have a woman in their life that the kid's mom is more responsible and she's worried about her dad getting like scammed out of their responsibility and like you know there's a little mix of that so I would say if there's no like immediate danger you definitely should warn I mean either way, either way, warn him. But yeah, you're right, we don't know exactly which one of those it could be. Because I think the one you're talking about,

it's like, that to me says more of definitely, definitely tell him he's getting scammed. That if he's being a cocksucker to you, just tell him to fuck off. Because he's, and then just see what happens. But if this is the difference between like he could be homeless tomorrow, right? Like if it's like he his forerunner gets fucking yeah gets what's it called? Re repoed if it's like yes SUV gets repoed

He can go fuck himself. But if it's like he can't fucking afford ramen for his fucking toddler Maybe take a little bit of a lighter touch with it. But yeah. Because regardless of what you say, like and regardless of how he responds, he's still gonna be thinking about that. He's still gonna have to like process and like think about like, even if he's mad,

he'll still like go to sleep at night being like, something ain't right. You've at least planted a tiny seed. Now you never know with these guys, you know? It's like, it's tough to get it through some of their heads, but we don't know everything. But yeah, he at least did something. And again, in these situations,

you did something, you took action. It's also more for her. Right. Like, I don't think she needs, like for you, you should say something, because your relationship to your father shouldn't be what does he want. Yeah, it should be, you know what I mean?

So, anyway, good luck. Good luck. Tough stuff. It's a lot of good looks. It's mostly good luck, man. Be blessed. Yeah, yeah. Life is pain.

As my mother says. Yeah, yeah. Hey, Stavi, I just, I wanna say this first. You remind me so much of people that I grew up with in Highland down. It's so funny. I love you So you're fucking awesome. I just remember so many fucking people call me the locker Anybody I'm glad you're doing well So Recently I've been hit with

you know pretty much divorce new is coming my way i kinda suspected that things were falling off you know for the last six or seven months we've been together almost seven years seven-year it's back in september we had like uh... this kind of like a rekindling of the relationship and we had sex with

our friends like a foursome and a quick turn and I don't know I just know like tell the guys that fucked your wife to come to the show to go see Alex hi hi I Brain piece in every last one of them. On such a high, high... I don't know, I felt unstoppable. But then she became distant. Pause this. I don't want to stop. Yeah, you know, we were having some problems, but... You know, we had a group sex, and after that I was like,

Well, there's no way this is falling apart now! That, you felt unstoppable? That's when you were like, things are good? Not like one are good not like one nice month of like you know having dinner together every night and like that's fucking wild yeah and you know apparently she's been seeing somebody hmm just a little bit longer than the time that she's asked me for this divorce So anyway after Beating the shit out of myself for the past two months physically and mentally

I've asked her to leave because you know, it's like look if you got some guy that you're fucking and You'd rather be with him than me. Then it's natural for me to get my house back. You know, I'm keeping my kids. She said that she doesn't want to fucking take the kids from me in the first place. But I still feel guilty that I'm like pushing her out. What? I don't know.

Should I feel bad? About about what? I believe, you know though I was like trying to co-parent with her and also like I Know that women go through postpartum and shit. We've got two kids and I hear this all the time that women snap, you know, they just decide one day. No, don't want my family. I'm gonna fucking Go fuck a bunch of weird dudes that you know seem attracted to me right now Usually black guys

Wow you are from great after all this is the guy This really is a guy. I grew up around Yeah, dude, you know how it goes a bitch gives birth something Something's rewired in her head. Oh, she wants his fucking gorilla We're literally like this poor guy and things like, you know, usually fucking black guys come in my god my wife god we would have assumed it was black guys oh you didn't have to say no that's crazy that's so awesome god damn dude I love the post-it but anyway oh my goodness you know, so awesome to me right now Usually black guys But

anyway, like Part of me is holding on to this idea that marriage people stay together forever But come on, I feel like I've been a night bitch this whole time Do you think I should hold on? No Hold on to one. I appreciate your thoughts. Love you stop Well, you know I can't what I can say off just off rip is that I can appreciate his like there is a level of like emotional intelligence because he is coming through with like the Postpartum and like he understands I guess he's trying he's trying to rationalize He he's trying to empathize and kind of see it from her angle but if she hasn't outright

said that and she's just acting out and doing whatever the fuck she wants you have every reason to tell her to get the fuck on and also it's like look I see I know you mean but I didn't really necessarily read that as empathizing more as grasping at straws To me that that that read to me like he's trying to put together some far-fetched Reason why all of a sudden his wife wants to fuck like a broken man being delusional. Yeah, exactly exactly Once she gets on meds and clears her out or this gets out of her system I can have my family back right kind of thing and so you don't this gets out of her system, I can have my family back kind of thing. And so you don't really feel bad for her, I don't think. I think you feel bad that this has been taken from you,

your marriage and everything's been taken from you. And just to go back to the like, you thought the foursome was the rekindling of your and hers relationship. That's wild, bro. You were giving her what she wanted before she started doing it by herself. Yeah, right.

Like you're clearly grass, and I get it, and it's completely understandable how he's feeling, right? Right, right. Yeah, you want, you're like, you know, this is why, it's like the more you grow up and again, you get mature, you're like, I remember being, and it's not like cheating doesn't bother me, but when you're in your 20s or whatever you don't understand how complex people are you're

Like that's fucking That's complete. How do people get back together after they cheat and then you realize like someone can cheat and they can regret it and also Your life can be so much more important even if this someone caused you some serious hurt The rest of your life together is so much more important that it's like you can get over it and over time you can start to rebuild whatever. And I get it, he has this family, he has what he wanted, but bro, the pole postpartum thing,

the like, you know, all of a sudden women snap and they just wanna fuck, it's just like, that's just the one out of a million chances is happening, but like Alex said, she hasn't communicated any of that to you. If she hasn't, damn, it's like, oh, well, you are perfectly allowed to go with your gut. You know what I mean? Yeah, and she asked for a divorce.

Yeah, she asked for it, so yeah. Even you claiming you're kicking her out is almost like there's this weird trying to take the power back thing happening here. Yeah. And I get it, you feel emasculated You feel fucking neutered she cheated on you and she asked for a divorce and now you're trying to be like well You know, uh, it's my decision to kick her out

Should I feel bad about this thing that is definitely my choice I'm very excited. I'm very curious though. If like his decision to kick her out was when she found out that the niggas was black. It couldn't have even been a light-skinned Puerto Rican. It had to be a brown-skinned black guy that played college I Say go with your feelings don't don't protect don't don't don't don't protect her Yeah, by like pushing your feelings aside You don't need to be dealing or living in that discomfort, you know I think we're dealing with a guy who's got a lot of psychological stuff going on here There's a little bit of this of like should I suffer through it a bit longer? Right. I think on some level he knows this is over and what we've got going on here is someone trying to get some power in the situation

and also almost like it's almost like suffering through it is almost like he's fucking giving himself lashes like he's trying to punish himself and maybe once he does that it'll all be solved but I think you need to unfortunately come to grips with the situation that she's asked

for a divorce. You're within your, if what you really want is her out of the house, then she's got to come out of the house. And if you were, if you were hoping that you would be like, get out of my house and she'd be like, what am I doing? Oh, I'll get our family. I can't do that. Then we lose our family.

Like didn't happen She's like, all right, like she basically called this bluff right and you're trying to pretend Cuz you really he really doesn't have any control over this. I know that's the thing It's like she's gonna want to do what she wants to do anyway So yeah, you just have to like bow like I guess you have bow out, you know Yeah, take take control of what you can control and that's accepting what's good Holding on and suffering through is not how you Maintain your mental health

Yeah, yeah, so, you know maybe skip the NBA playoffs this year Yeah root for Yoke itch Bet big on the nuggets. Good luck though, buddy. God damn. I mean, you know, I'm going through it out here. They really are. They really fucking are. Hey, Bobby.

So here's the situation. I've been dating this girl for about a year. About three years before we started dating, I hooked up with a totally different girl, just a one-night stand, drunk in a beer, super fun. Three years later, I start dating my current girls and now we've been dating a year. My current girl is her best friend is this girl who I hooked up with a while ago and I have never told my current girl that I hooked up with the girl from a long time ago even though though they're best friends, I feel like my girl should know that. So do I tell my current girl that I hooked up with her best friend?

Now the kicker is that I don't think that her best friend told her that I hooked up with her, which I think is like, I think that my girl should know because they're best friends, but it's just heating me up inside, do I tell my current girl that I hooked up with her best friend three years ago? Interesting. This is the homeboy from the first letter in the next six years or some shit.

Yeah. This is really interesting, because there's a couple very juicy elements to this The funniest thing of all would be that you know three years ago year his voice This is not a guy that fucks that much right my current girl. Yeah And so three years ago he had a one night stand It is very possible that this girl doesn't remember him That's it is very possible about the first thing is I was like, well does she remember this?

Yeah, like if you like what have her vibes been? What if like like this happened look this happens to people like maybe you caught her in a time I remember I could up with a girl and I was like damn I think I you know I was like this girl's cool. We're kind of hitting it off and it was like no she was like, double the girl, and I was like, damn, I think I, you know, I was like, this girl's cool, we're kind of hitting it off. And it was like, no, she was like, her fucking, like, engagement had fallen apart, and she was fucking, like, every guy she ran into. And she was like- And she was fucking guys at convenience stores. You know what I mean? Like, we went out a couple times, and I got pussied. She fucked a guy she told me after 7-Eleven once. So it's like, you know, I thought, I read the it to me. She meant a lot more than I did to her right

I was a parade of cocks. She was trying to help get through like a dark time in her life I've been there. Yeah, we've all been there. We've all been there. I was a few years ago I was like in a Kennedy Fried Chicken at like two in the morning And it's this dude is tall black dude came in there behind me. He was he was like what's up I'm like hey and he's like you don't remember me I'm like hey no he's like I was in your I was in your room I was in your room like a while ago I'm like he got so fucking mad bro you're probably right yeah we probably fucked, dog. Probably fucked, sorry.

He thought he was about to... Dude, he thought he had a great night ahead of him. He was like, shit, a couple of fucking three piece and maybe some head for old time's sake. Old time's sake, yeah. He was like... Spin the black. I was like, I don't know. I just fucking came up big.

I don't know who you are. I'm sorry. Yeah, sorry. So yeah, I felt the same way you felt. I was like, I don't know if she remembers, but'm sorry. Yeah, sorry. So yeah, I felt the same way you felt. I was like, I don't know if she remembers, but also there is a world where she does remember and she's just like, you know what, I ain't saying shit. I'm not a snitch.

I'm not a snitch. So this really is like a really fascinating, this is almost like Realpolitik. It's like, what's the right move? It's like, it's Stratego. It's like, do you just sit there? They've been dating, what? His current, him and his current girlfriend

have been dating in one year, he said. Yeah. So, that's, well it's not as tricky, because it's just like, okay, you've only been dating one year. Like, honestly, imagine if we, like, I love when people talk about best friends, because we can always immediately talk about me and Eldis.

If you fucked a Dated for a year and I didn't find out I would be I would be furious if I found out really I would be like cuz it'd be weird like why don't I know why you know what I mean like you I show her a Picture but again, this is different You'd rather him tell you it also is different though. It depends on how you would like to find out that information, most people would be like. But I also know every girl, I've been there. I've gotten notes on pretty much every girl. If I get pussy, everyone's hearing it.

Yeah. We all, I mean, that's also not fair. Shining in the roof top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were roommates, we literally know almost every time we fuck I just think Do I tell my I think yes, I think you tell him up inside eating you up It's like that's coming from a genuine place tell her I think she'd I think most people would rather you tell them up front That something happened like that instead of finding it out

would rather you tell them upfront that something happened like that instead of finding it out, you know, finding something out like that is always like, why, then it's like, why didn't you tell me about this? Cause now she, cause then, cause then it's like, if either one of y'all tell her, if the best friend tells her, if she remembers,

if the best friend tells her, now she's mad at both of y'all for not even saying it sooner Rather than it's better if you tell her or I don't know because no no I think it's actually opposite I think if the best friend tells her I'm changing my mind on it I could see the bet I could see the best friend finessing it in a way that all the Animosity is aimed at him. How about this? How about you both come together? But see how embarrassing would it be if he went to the girl who to the one he

hooked up with in the past and was like we need to come to her and tell her this so that we can get rid of this discomfort and she's like I don't remember. That's the funniest outcome here unfortunately. Okay since you don't remember and I'm like let's just call it here. Let sleeping dogs lie. Yeah this is kind of wild. I mean that's probably the best advice too. I think he needs to leave it be. Because it's like, he's been with a girl for a year. That's pretty bad if she's just now finding out about this.

Now here's why I think he can leave it be right now. He'll only open Pandora's box if he brings it up to the friend. Right now, they both have reasonable reasonable doubt hunt maybe someone maybe someone forgot great. Yeah You know long yeah, it seems like she hasn't it seems like she hasn't told the friend the girl He's dating so you know unless he really pisses her off or something crazy It seems like this girl's down. She knows what's up, and she's like let me let this be I got I got Dekko A few years ago, and what happened before they were it's not that they were fucking while they've been together Yeah, four three years before they started and I was so like and how old are they three years can be a long time

I mean three is a long time either way I think as long as him and the friend never address it I think as long as him and the friend never address it, then he's good. This is like the first letter. It's like, hey, just chill. This is the no, no fire, no smoke, no fire. Yeah. But the problem is here's, here's the,

and I agree, generally I agree. This comes down to what kind of person are you? Because the problem, I agree with you, from a strategic standpoint, no brainer it's let sleeping dogs lie. It's like, start convincing yourself it wasn't her. Let's go full, let's go full Costanza with it. It's not a lie if you believe it.

You know what I mean? Full. He could play that game too. You could. I don't remember, my bad. My, oh. I'm so, like I thought you looked familiar. Anyway, strategically that's the advice.

The problem is, this guy, clearly the guilt might get to him. And it's so funny, because he doesn't have anything to feel guilty about. That's also why I say this is not a man who's fucked that much, because it means a lot. A one night stand means something to him in a weird way it has it carries this weight that it really doesn't care I think just because of the proximity though sure the friend thing you know

maybe it's more than why I said it's more than like fucking your best friend to him means you know it's like it would be like I just feel like she has a right to know so I do think it comes down to so strategically there's the like you have no real incentive to stir the pot It's like you know it's like you know we're fine this You know we both have a nuclear weapon pointed at each other right no one wants to fucking drop it right like no one's mutually assured destruction, but It comes down to the his guilt thing and it's like do I will this affect the way and unfortunately

I would say if he can't live with just it always Lurking which I also understand, you know because if they've been together for a year that means the best friend has been around and known about you for the same year and Has kind of carried this information right with her as well And it's just like willing to like let it lie and not, and not intervene and not, because I'm sure she doesn't want to be at odds with her friend now at this point too,

since it's been a year that I've been together, she definitely doesn't want to start a pot and lose her friend over some dick from three years ago. Unless she's crazy and is keeping it in her back pocket. That's the main, that's the main thing. But even that's, if you do, that's even crazier. Like if she and her getting into it over something and she's like, oh by the way, I fucked your man

three years ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he never even told you, you fucking bitch. Now you catching a stray here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the one thing, and it's like, so I don't know. This is a landmine of situations that can happen. What would I do?

What would I personally do? I think he needs. I think I would let it lie, because I'm, guilt, I've learned, guilt doesn't really get to me as much as it should probably. I mean, it's. But I wouldn't even feel guilty,

I'd be like, you know what? What I would say is if it came up, I'd be like, look, it was a long time ago, I wasn't even really sure, whatever, just whatever, like a long time ago, I wasn't even really sure whatever just whatever like a long time ago I wasn't even positive and like it didn't mean anything It was we just hooked up and I didn't know if she forgot like I said it felt weird to bring it up And I'm sorry that's when you can apologize if it becomes weird. That's probably what I would not bringing it up

Yeah, I mean you can't feel you can't feel sorry for having fucked I didn't know if, I thought it was weird to just bring it up out of nowhere. Right, right. And it just kinda happened that way, and now it's even weirder that this bitch is bringing it up trying to get one on. If, in a scenario where she would bring it up,

you know what I mean? If she's trying to weaponize it. Exactly, exactly, exactly. That's what I would do. Yeah. I think he needs to try living with the guilt for a little while After he comes to peace with the fact that he isn't gonna bring this up because it's like it's a weird thing cuz it's like

You know Someone you're dating for a year If this is someone You're like proposing to or something. Maybe that's something you want to clear the air on before you like You know get married or something like that But when you're with them longer, but it's like even if it's like weirder almost Almost but it's like I think you know, if the guilt is too much for him This relationship will not last and I feel like they haven't been together long enough for it to matter that much for him

to come clean on something like that and Year, you're getting there. Here's there a year you're getting there though. Yeah It's tough. It's tricky cuz it's like I mean, I know you're a married man who's been in a relationship for fucking Someone who has someone who hasn't been like this motherfuckers talk about four months the most serious relationship he's ever been in We're talking to two two, you know slutty boys over here that a year sounds like a fucking eternity It's a long it's a long time to like be like, you know Spending time with each other sharing sharing and like, you know Tell me what you think is like, you know people people think you telling the truth and like exposing being vulnerable

I think you can go either way We're for some time like sometimes if it's what's a year mean? It's like you see each other one to two times a month You see each other two times a month for a year that as opposed to right you stay over each other's house and spend You have like go on trips do all this shit. I'm also curious about his current girlfriend I'm like how cool is she right? Don't you might know? like how cool is she right she just gonna be my no no that's the other crazy thing is like you might you might come up to her fucking hands sweaty as shit

and she's like what's going on she thinks you have fucking testicular cancer right and you're like I put the friend three years ago me and Jessica hooked up and she starts laughing on the phone he finally says That's why this is the funniest call because the funniest thing would she already knows and doesn't care or the girl doesn't remember him There's two hilarious Landmines, he could be stepping on that So anyway, dude, yeah you from from your scumbag friends we say let it lie You got a nice one for us to go out on eldest

Hey, what's up Elvis what? What's up, guests? Hope you and yours are well. Thanks, Paul. Me and my, I'm 21 years old, by the way, just in case that matters. Me and my transmasked boyfriend. Transmasked boyfriend. I just had our first boyfriend. And it was really great. I was able to qualm my nerves with a little bit of weed and

Chewable tablet that will not be named. That's right until they pay up You hear that another opportunity for you guys to get free fucking advertisement, but no dick pill companies are fucking cashing in But no dick pill companies are fucking cashing in Yeah, it was a flinch though. It was a fucking vote multi. It was a multi day Go ahead Being this poor guy hearing that review Guy like a pretty fun threesome. Yeah, he was ugly, Dick was little as fuck. Damn.

Great call so far. Keep it going, Eldis. He was kind of ugly, Dick was kind of small. Wait, was it you, Eldis? Did you fuck these guys? But the problem is that me and my boyfriend are kind of in the different duties. My boyfriend wants to get this bigger dude, kind of like a baby Jason Momoa or something. Okay, sounds pretty good. And I'm more interested in this small kind of theater gay. Both are still packed in what we can tell.

No. They're actual guys. They're real guys. Gay guys are awesome. Gay guys are awesome. That's so odd. Pause this. Just let me tip my head to the community.

Alex, these guys have pictures of guys and they're talking like, well, which guys should we fuck? It's like, well, they're both have big cocks, but I kind of like a little guy and they're in a relationship. Like a fucking QVC catalog. It's like we can't agree on the same curtains. Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's literally like a straight couple

talking about dishware. It's like, which guys should we nut inside of? God, salute. And this is what the Republicans think we do all day long. They're right. Like earlier boys, man, you know, I'm not into burglary dudes. So what I'm wondering is how can I coax my boyfriend into jumping shit for the theater gig without making it too weird?

Because I don't want to start nothing, not seem too into this new, because obviously all of my boyfriend won't make, I think. Sure. But yeah, we're probably gonna end up with the Jason Momoa guy anyways, but I'm good for this, it won't really matter to me, it's still fun.

But I'm just wondering if you have any advice for how I can just do both exactly here's the thing this is in like a indoor BR it's literally just wait two weeks Well, he wants the theater did he want yeah But it's staying in the house with y'all like no like y'all are still in your relationship Yeah, seems like you can still have your cake and eat it That's exactly the best part of being a gay guy as far as I can tell. Yeah. And so... Because it seems like they're open. Yeah, they're more distant than our open relationship. Yeah, or at least they fuck guys together. Together, yeah. So because... They can't agree on the same thing.

It's the nonchalance we were just talking about, about how being curtains or, you know, whatever, dishware. That's the positive, because it's like we actually didn't get it right it's not curtains because those are forever it's are we getting Thai food or pizza and yeah man the same way you decide all right you know what this this week you get we get Chinese it's all your call next week's mine though yeah I get to choose. It's give and take. It's give and take. It's the easiest thing in the world, bro. This is easy. Yeah. Come on. Because it doesn't seem like your boyfriend

is pushing you to not do your thing. It is like, yeah, we got my mom all week and we got theater week. And that's how we switched. Exactly. And now if your boyfriend is like, mm, no, I don't want to do that, that's an issue. You can raise the issue.

But I did just this. Exactly. And then maybe that's why you have to have a conversation. You have to have a deeper conversation. How do we meet in the middle and find the dick that we like on the person, an amalgamation of the momo with some theater energy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How do we get that? But even that, I would say it doesn't sound like you're, you know, from what I can tell, your boyfriend seems pretty cool. Pretty chill, yeah. He'll roll with the punches, so switch off, bro. Because I'm wondering, does he complain about the big dudes he wants the big dudes he wants no oh that's the boyfriend complain about the

big dudes I think he probably is complete I think he's probably saying something but well I can complain if y'all both actively participate everybody getting a nut off dog it don't even really fucking matter exactly it's like yeah I didn't want I didn't wasn't craving pizza today, but fuck it. Puts was, do you like sliced pepperoni? Yeah. And it's like fucking, we'll get. I haven't ate in days.

Yeah, we'll get, fuck it, we'll get dumplings next week. Yeah, you'll be all right. You'll be good, but you know, good for you, God bless you, God bless the gay community. Beautiful love story. That was a great one. Yeah. It felt like there was no work that we had to do. No. It was just like, no. Easy lift. for you god bless you god bless the gay beautiful love story that was a great one yeah it felt like there was no work that we had to do it was just like no easy lift you don't have

to coax your boyfriend into doing any jumping shit no just fuck them both man yeah compromise respect what a beautiful thing to go out on thank you elders alex thanks for coming bro another great episode any fucking time guys i'll tell you before we go like episode this this show I I've known you forever yeah and I forget the gravity of like your fan base yeah the last episode came I didn't even know it was out yet I was like at like a la cologne getting coffee in the morning and like I get like cornered by like three like young dudes in like North Face Coast like, oh my god, it's you, I was like, I was like, me? The people at the coffee shop was like, who are you?

I was like, yo, I didn't know you was on your old school tonight show shit, but like you make celebrities over. I'm not even recognized at fucking coffee shops and shit, so I was like, oh yeah, I'll be here every time you ask me. Yeah, and you're our favorite, yeah, and a very specific, very online white boys man, you'll be a celebrity for two weeks Yeah, this is great episode we'll have we'll definitely have you back and we'll talk to you guys soon see you next week bye bye