Stavvy's World - #84 - Blake Griffin

Episode Date: July 8, 2024

The great Blake Griffin joins the pod to discuss the time his teeth got knocked out in a pickup game, growing up in Oklahoma, finding peace in retirement, the time he tried standup, the worst moment of his career, and much more. Blake and Stav help callers including a man who feels his wife is slipping on the domestic duties, and a man who's wondering if he has a right to snitch on his cousin for cheating. Check out Blake Griffin's website: https://blakegriffin.com/ Follow Blake Griffin on social media: https://www.instagram.com/blakegriffin23/https://x.com/blakegriffin23 Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to Stavisworld 904.800. Stav, call in, we'll solve all your problems. This is the first time we've ever had an athlete equal to me on the podcast. This is the first time I've ever felt a stalemate in terms of alpha energy coming off of the... This is like, yeah, it's like like you know when there's two beams and like Dragon Ball and they're like right in the center and you're like who's gonna fuck that's how I feel in terms of athletic prowess right now and just pheromones and everything like that like an absolute match we got my boy Blake Griffin on the couch what's up dog thanks for coming yeah of course dude

thanks for coming to Queens At first time in Queens. Oh, yeah, I love doing that. I was really enjoying like driving through just taking it all in Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's awesome. Nobody here. Oh like yeah many like bodega guys have no idea who you are when you walk in That's the best part about the neighborhood They just see you it's not for do to sell to chop cheeses And that's the best part about the neighborhood. Big man. Big man. Big man. They just see you. It's not for doing to sell two chopped cheeses. They just see you. I got a sandwich from a deli one time.

I was heading out to Long Island. I stopped and the guy goes, he made the sandwich extra big. He goes, big sandwich, big man. I was like, thanks buddy. That is awesome. That is the funny thing about being, I mean, famous is one thing, but like just a huge guy. It's just that is the, that's like the primitive version of fame, where it's like just being gigantic. It's like, like, if we went back like monkeys, monkeys

would look at the biggest monkey, you know what I mean? Like cavemen would look at like, you would go to a bar and it's like there was a you know There was a guy who was around it was like seven feet tall in Baltimore. It was like People would just glare at him. So it's like it's only compounded by actually being fucking, you know, yeah famous But I remember when I was a kid I was my my my friend's dad played in this like softball league and we were there and there's this guy on his team He was six eight and I a kid I was like. Yeah.

And I try to, you forget that now people look at me like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have no idea who I am. Totally. You just walk in and somebody's like, God, they're guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you like, you walk in, you duck underneath a doorway

and people are like, oh my God. Oh man, yeah, absolutely. And there's like, the people just look up to you like it's funny because Stripped of fame and like what people know you have it's like you're an impressive guy Where as like stripped of if you don't know who I am it's like Get the fuck out like people laugh at me laugh in my face Like a hot woman will be like like when I was I was toothless for two years And it would be like if people knew who I was I was like I never

had a bigger drop-off in my life than like people being like fans of me and then not just I'm some fat guy with no tooth dude. The way the fluctuation the way beautiful women would treat me was so hilarious there's like five hot women at that time I was in a relationship for most of it they treated me really nice and then every other hot woman in the world was like I just like a fat like sex offender We were remember that time we were a brunch and the waitress couldn't stop laughing at me Do you remember that where it was here was like fucking yeah, it was like it was like Big P was there with us the weight when I went to order like this

We'll let wait you like kind of hot and she was like taking everybody's order She was like over it, you know Sunday brunch and then she like smile. I start talking and she smiles and I'm like This bitch wants a little piece of the sausage And then I look over our friend he's dying's like, dude, that girl was laughing at you for being toothless. And I was like, oh, right. I don't have a fucking tooth. And she was like going back and telling her friends.

And then you could tell she was laughing at me because she did that thing where people feel bad and try and give you too much respect afterwards. Which is just like, you can see her putting putting on like a face to be like yeah absolutely like giving me a personal like thank you for coming afterwards and I was like damn dude this bitch treated me like a fuck like a guy don't worry about tip yeah I don't really care I don't give fuck it's fine then I have to zoom out and I'm like, she is 100% correct. I was just living life toothless for so... I feel bad for my girlfriend at the time, my ex, you know, my ex.

Because she did... At the time, I remember being like, she's being kind of a bitch about this whole toothless thing. She was like, remember to wear the tooth when we meet my parents. I'm like, oh my god fine And one time I went to like meet work friends of hers and she was like and I didn't bring the tooth cuz like in my Head I was like I'm the fucking toothless guys. She's like she's like you didn't bring the tooth to me Like all like all my colleagues What are they fucking losers? losers Last time I checked you didn't work for an orthodontist, babe

Can we go eat wings? I'm still I'm just a boarish toothless Fat way too ugly for her guy like of course her fucking friends didn't like me but you know you get a little you get a little fucking you know space from that you're like oh yeah hmm everyone was right about me turns out yeah she's like a saint putting up with me at all yeah all these people thought she was doing charity. Yeah, I'm not yeah I don't want to tell any more embarrassing stories, but yeah, there was one where it was like oh man Yeah, it was kind of a tough time, Blake. But now look at you, dude.

Yeah, dude, look at me now. A different type of weird fat guy. A fat guy with weird long, balding hair. Slightly altered. Much fatter, by the way. At least 70 pounds fatter than what I'm talking about. It's like when you take a picture and it's crooked and you like just make it crooked the other way. That's fully what I've done to myself, dude.

I am sad now that I can't, like I've talked about this a lot, but that I will never be toothless with this hair. That's the fucking, that's the great- Did you get like a full implant? Yeah, full implant. Full implant. It's chipped though. And you had a little popper in her like I had the yeah I had that thing you ever have any dental issues. Yeah, I got my forefront teeth knocked in caught my freshman year of college really a

Weekend actually no, I'm sorry. It was like oh, it was the day school was starting. Oh my god was my freshman year Oh, wow, I get my first four're playing pick up. It's not even like Thing but him pick up I have to go to like the school whatever get the fuck like a thing this guy This guy the poor dentist or whatever. Yeah. He's like a This gonna hurt. Oh fuck. He just takes my teeth and Bends him back straight. I'm like put them like that, which I'm pretty sure you should ask your ex. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's how dentists are supposed to.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We were just riffing that she worked for a dentist, Blake. I'm just kidding. I don't know if you. Oh, I was kidding. Yeah. I'm just kidding. Dude, and then so he puts like these things,

he puts a wire across my front four teeth. He bends it back? Yeah, a wire across my front four teeth. So they like kind of chipped or what they know they just they just gone in I don't like broke on these two. So these two are fake Because they were gonna like they were gonna die and turn. Yeah. Yeah, just like that guy with the great Dude first day I go to like I go to a party at night and have a fucking wire across my teeth I'm like, of course. Oh my god. How long did you have to be wired up?

It was like, dude, it was only like literally two days or something like that. So you have a weird little wire and then they put implants in or no? I had that just to like hold and then I had to go do like root canals. Wow, immediately. Holy shit. Which was also awesome. And then you had flippers? Or give me no shit real teeth right away and then I Was able to save my teeth for a little bit, but then they were gonna eventually die

Then once I once I got to the league. Yeah Got a little front tooth money That's so fucking funny. So that whole time that you're the fucking and you're like the man at Oh you too. You're like the fucking well like my freshman year. I didn't even prove myself. Yeah Yeah, I think I'm gonna go to the NBA. Can I have some pussy please? Yeah, I'm normally gonna go to like Los Angeles or something. Send them real cool clippers, maybe the 76ers.

They sent a vet from the farming program here at Oklahoma University to knock my teeth backwards. Like that doesn't even sound like a real vet. they definitely got the guy who's working on donkey teeth the George Washington yeah we had these laying around that's so fucking funny dude yeah that's tough stuff wow so you had fucked up teeth the whole time

so even in the your your sophomore year because you were there two years I was there two years yeah but they were fine, right? They look like my normal teeth. Gotcha, but like these these two were gonna go they were going did they hurt cuz I had This shit hurt for years before I did anything about it Yeah, they did. Yeah, they hurt they these two these front two hurt these ones were fine. Yeah, root didn't break They didn't bend as much or get pushed back in as much we use that Why you had to fucking wear a mouth guard? Honestly, yeah, yeah moment on I wore mouth

Every practice every game. I was mouth guarded up dude. I didn't go anywhere. That's so fucking funny I did not want to experience that again. Oh, dude. That's fucking brilliant. We were dude We were playing this with this like a smaller College, you know, they brought their guys up and that's who we were playing this, there's like a smaller college in Oklahoma, they brought their guys up and that's who we were playing against. We were playing pick up and they were like, you know, you bring guys that aren't, you know. Not the same level.

D1. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, you know, they're like, they're kind of like, fuck these dudes. Of course. They're playing hard as hell. Oh dude, that's their fucking Super Bowl. And me and this guy get tangled up

and he just fucking elbow right to the, and I immediately, I was just like. You're like, ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! I get tangled up and he just fucking elbow right to the and I immediately I was just like Yeah, I mean I crack my shit on a chicken chicken wing, so we both got tooth injuries in incredibly on-brand ways. That was the athletic palace you were talking about earlier. I was fucking those boys up. I really was. They're awesome.

Yeah, you know, anytime you get a chicken wing, you know thinking like yeah I was doing the tomahawk jam equivalent of biting into a chicken wing I've been into you know force to break my teeth, dude It really was a sobering moment. What am I doing here? That's fucking hilarious. All right. I love it dental issues, but never as a kid You never know fucked up Do you go because I remember my family we just straight up did not go to the dense until my father Built the booths in a diner that a dentist owned and then he almost like bartered us like dental care He was like we'll throw in a booth. If you look at my son's teeth

Your dad's a he's's a carpenter. Nice. Yeah, that's kinda handy. Yeah, if he did anything for our, I mean our house is in complete disrepair. There was literally, I'm not even, I wish I was kidding. 10 years ago, there was like a hole that squirrels were burrowing into. And it was like, we live in Baltimore City.

This isn't Oklahoma, right? This is not like some, oh, some beautiful property or an acorn tree. No, it's a shitty row house that my dad just never patched the roof of yeah But it was you know He would build this like Hilariously gigantic gaudy furniture that we didn't have space for but he would make it like custom So all he would work really hard on shit That was like and he never thought about the future like he put a very small TV

Hole in and it took him like Eight years to build this beautiful maple furniture and then like within one year they came out with flat screens TVs And he had like he had to like put a little table in the square thing We just had like a flat screen standing outside of it. It was so yeah keeps upgrading it So yeah, oh, yeah, No he was so it was so funny But yeah, those fuck those old-school TVs remember how I mean everybody. Oh, yeah the cubes how fucking heavy those things Yeah, yeah, yeah, I remember we got like my dad comes home with like this like giant giant I don't at the time it was of course our house. It was yeah tiny. It was probably like 50 inches

I was like, whoa! Oh man, yeah. Those TVs are awesome because as a kid, because we had one family, there was one rich family in Greectown, which made their money because their machine shop's roof collapsed and they sued the roof manufacturer. So it wasn't even like anyone was a great businessman.

They just came up big lawsuit wise but I remember they had one of those fucking big-ass TVs and then the I saw a picture of it and like it's like they're just giant pixels like they weren't oh yeah the picture of those is hilarious but you were just like holy shit yeah it was incredible because we had like this probably like a literally a 30 inch my whole life And my dad comes home with this And me and my brother my dad are like Fit through the door my mom's like why Cuz it's fucking awesome

Will your dad just bring home random shit like like what was the set because you're in Oklahoma and look I've been to Oklahoma once It was one of the worst random shit like like what was the setup because you're in Oklahoma and look I've been to Oklahoma once it was One of the worst I mean look it was so dog shit And I and we were in like some shitty casino. I mean the casino people were nice the gig was nice Which you know I couldn't tell you it was like close to a shittier state Jesus Christ this place sucks dick. I love how I got a magnet closer to a she's saying, like, oh, Arkansas? Yeah, yeah, but you're right. I'm like, oh yeah, thank God we're not from Arkansas.

But honestly, yeah, dude. But anyway, I remember being there and being like, because I was like, all right, whatever, it's fucked. Remember being there and being like because I was like I whatever is fuckers in my head I had done casino gigs and like the casino fucking The buffet is like awesome, right? It's like when you go to the one in Connecticut or whatever and I was like Oh, they'll be fresh fruit. They'll be dude. It was like Though it was like a school cafeteria lunch a school cafeteria was allowed to evolve unchecked into itself So it was like patties dipped in teriyaki sauce it was like weird Matt like all the all the

Chinese food was just the it was like that Simpsons episode where everything goes back to the same kitchen and it's like oh put in a different sauce and it was like there was no fruit you had to like literally purchase a little-ass cup of fresh fruit was like seven dollars And it was I remember I was there for three days and I was like I wanted to kill and I was not a healthy guy Mind you right this peak toothless He was me, you know, and I was like literally I was like I need water I was being in Oklahoma and they took us out on the town once and

like their big restaurant was a burger place that was like Again, just Pat frozen patties. Were you it was it chalked off? Maybe probably chalked probably chalked up No disrespect to the good people of chalked off They did some bad stuff to you the fucking with those blankets and whatnot and you deserve to get yours with casinos Yeah, I'm just saying I don't want to be there ever again in my life Well, I mean unless the checks, right? Yeah, I know a couple people Talking to the fucking no, it's like, you know, sorry to shit on the stage

The thunder pretty good under cool the are cool, the Thunder are cool. I'll give you that. We got a Riverwalk now? The Riverwalk, hell yeah. I wanna go to OKC, I will say that. I wanna see a game, and I also do, there's a comedy club over there. I do wanna go to that.

Brick Town. Brick Town, something like that. It's actually like the people in Oklahoma are just like salt of the earth. Yeah. Like the nicest people. I believe that. Like I was back home recently visiting my parents and like I'm driving through their neighborhood

and everybody that's out or walking, everybody waves to each other. Everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm like come back to LA and I'm like. Oh, you can't do that. Or here especially and I'm like fuck off. No, no, no, no.

I'm like, okay. But see I am that traditional fucking east coast type of guy no, no, no. Like fuck off. But see, I am that traditional fucking East Coast type of guy that's like, that does make me uncomfortable to getting waved at nonstop. Which I gotta change I guess, cause it is nice. And Greek people are kinda like that too

whenever I go back to Greece. But I just like, there is a little bit of the like, I like people that don't want anything to do with you and then it's like but if you need them They will help you out. I do think there is that element of it Yeah, but I look I believe I'm just saying like I can't imagine because also You just seem like a fucking big city guy like you know what I mean? Like you seem like the kind of guy who like I can't imagine

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah like the poster the poster boy for changing for leaving it all behind like what the fuck I guess what does Oklahoma what is like a childhood there look like what was your parents set up like because I guess it's all started with a TV conversation like I was poor in Baltimore but my dad ran a his own cash business so we were poor like 92% of the time and then there was there's like 10 days sprinkled throughout the year which was when my dad got paid for a huge job and it was like we're going to Costco we're getting every snack imaginable we're getting Nintendos we're getting a TV and then we're poor again and make

this last so I'm just like but what is it? What does Oklahoma look like so both my parents are public school teachers? Oh wow in Oklahoma Oklahoma is one of the yeah at the time. I don't know what it is now, but even recently There's a huge teacher strike, but it has to be bottom five. Oh, yeah bottom ten Yeah, as far as teacher public school. I believe so we didn't grow up with But my dad was a basketball coach he's okay on tons of stage. Oh cool 12 maybe stage him nice career and so

People he he he went to go coach at a private school so my brother and I could go there nice And so when he went there people were super generous It's you know a much wealthier. Yeah, definitely wealthier crowd and so like somebody gave him like a Best-buy gifts certificate so he bought the TV. I remember some like randomly we got like one of those like Freezers you keep in your garage They brought the chest freezer. The scraps from the upper class in Oklahoma. Just like get steaks in there and stuff. Like what are you doing?

So like he would get like random gifts. I see, I see, that's nice. And so that's how we upgraded anything. Hell yeah. And remember when like the AOL cards. Like, Oh dude, those recurrency bro. Minutes of going in and grab like a couple. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I have seven minutes to Jack to find a picture of Trish Stratus' tits. I have seven minutes to find Lita's breasts from WWF. I'd go on LimeWire and type in like, dude. LimeWire. There was nothing better than LimeWire and just type in like, dude. Dude, LimeWire, there was nothing better than LimeWire. It was like, you would, because we had dial-up obviously, and so my big move was going to bed

when my parents couldn't check, didn't know if the phone line was going, and you would start downloading four pornos, and then it would be like, it was like leaving the nets out, and then coming back after a day of fishing and being like what do we got what's the harvest today and being like oh this one was gay porn disguised as blonde with big tits that would happen a lot they would it was never when it was labeled for man what you got a nice actually I would try to download movies like I

would download like dumb and dumber yeah and it would end movies, like I would download like Dumb and Dumber or something. And it would end up being like dubbed over in like Chinese movies or something. I'd still watch it and I'd be like, because I knew all the lines, so I'd just like, still watch. Wow, what a wholesome guy. I never in my life downloaded anything that was not pornography.

Offline wire. I, uh, sorry mom. Yeah, I downloaded everything. Oh yeah, I got you, mom. Yeah. Uh, yeah. I downloaded everything. Oh yeah, I gotcha, I gotcha. Did you download anything that wasn't porn? I mean some music from time to time obviously. I downloaded a lot of music on Kazaa. I was on Kazaa.

Oh, I was on both. Wait, it was Kazaa, and then I think I went LimeWire. Then I went FrostWire, I think. Those were like the progressions. I never had FrostWire. Yeah, it was kind of a premium thing only in Oklahoma. You pieces of shit in Baltimore. We didn't get frost wire. Well the thing is Oklahoma had dial-up until like four years ago.

So even Baltimore had fucking better internet than you at the time. We were off the wires at the time. Yeah, well once I could afford a second phone line, I didn't have to worry about it anymore. So who really cares? Never, I was never frost, once I could afford a second phone line, I didn't have to worry about it anymore. So who really cares? Never, I was never frustrated. But there definitely was a move, because I lost the juice, and we had to move on to LimeWire for sure.

My brother convinced my mom to put the, to get our thing, like the burner, CD burner in there. Oh, dude, that was huge. That was huge. And that was like, dude, making your own CDs. The Muse, oh yeah. I had like a, I had one of those CD flip books one once I got my car Yeah illegally downloaded JZ Like the off blueprint

Some songs don't actually they won't no no there's just like a 50 cent song in there for no reason. Or it would be like the dubs over the weird dubs or like the guy recorded from the radio. That was always fun. I love that. You never, you never knew. Uh, what was the first, what's the first car? What was your first? I had a 19, uh, 1991 Honda Accord and I was, when I, when I was 16, I was six, six eight. I think I only grew like another inch. So I was like.

Scrunched as a bitch. Now this is living. Playing Wu Tang, playing Eric Cartman singing Wu Tang somehow. That was also fun. It was my brother's car. And he like, you know, he got the CD player, the removable one, they always had to take out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, take it out. Of course, of course. And he had like the, not the rims, but like the little caps you put on. Oh, hell yeah, dude. On the court. Fuck yes. Tint it out.

Those two huge motherfuckers. Yeah. And then when I turned 16, they got him like an old like shitty Tahoe. Oh damn, he could actually stretch out. But little Blakey had the accord. Little Blakey had the accord. Literally my dad and I were like driving to like a basketball game and I looked down and I like watched it go to like 200,000 miles.

Wow. He was just like, holy shit to like 200,000 miles Reliable car reliable. Yeah. Yeah, I love that shit. Did my my first one was a Chevy blazer giant Chevy blazer It was awesome. We called the car Stavros to we had many we had in a lot of great times in there You want to like who was like the first of your friends to get to get a car? You remember like how the first oh, yeah first guy to get a car was just like, oh we are... I feel like before I had a car, we would whip my mother's Dodge Grand Caravan quite a bit. You had a car but we weren't really hanging out in high school that much. We would like, because Elders had moved away, we grew up together and he had moved to the

Burbs. His family got... Yeah, yeah, yeah. That boy. That boy yeah we got out he lived in the worst he lived in absolutely the worst apartment out of all of us but they got out quick so it was more like you would come and would be like a field trip we would meet up but I feel like we would whip big peas did big pee get a car who got a car I don't think he had a car I think yeah like a big what his does family have? Like an expedition or something?

Oh, they had a huge expedition. Oh yeah, luxury. I feel like it was the caravan. I feel like we did whip my mom's car around a little bit. I think the van was getting used to a lot. There was a summer where the van was like... remember that time we tried to steal that girl's gas container? Remember that time I got fucked up on that trampoline? At the party? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh man, just getting no pussy whatsoever. Just getting so violently fucking ill. And getting no pussy. And then eating at the diner afterwards. Then the boys just hit in the diner. In the Dodge Grand Canyon. Thinking I'm cool chained smoking like a pack of cigarettes at a party. Yeah Oh, yeah talking to any

Not talking to any women smoking serious smoking black and miles inhaling black and miles and getting a headache Drinking Malibu because we were too big of a thing to drink actual fucking liquor Alize oh I was a Especially after especially after the little Wayne Cribs Watching a lot of I mean listening to a lot of little Wayne lot of the drought three it What's is that where you guys I just imagine? Oklahoma teenage shit being like

Taking different going to like like abandoned fields and having, is that what it is? The parties were just in fields? I mean obviously like if somebody's parents, because I went to like a private school, like everybody had money, so like everybody's parents' houses were insane. Oh that's nice.

So like if somebody's parents went out of town. Oh the classic. There was definitely this like, you would go to like the back of this neighborhood and go down this dirt thing, and then you had to like, I had to gun my. You had to get out. But I definitely caught air once I got over.

And I'd be like, boom, one of the caps had fallen off, I had to get out and put it back on. But yeah, then you pull out and it'd just be like this open field. Oh, fuck yeah. And everybody would just park their cars all facing, you know, in a circle. Lights on.

And you just. Everybody just fucking getting fucked up. I didn't like to, I didn't really like drink in high school that much. Cause you were like, you still had to get out. You had to get out of Oklahoma, dude. The family was depending on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I would just like hold a beer and be like. Yeah, nice. Yeah. It is funny, you forget athletes, Yeah, I'd like I would just like a hold a beer and be like, yeah nice It is funny you say you forget athletes like when they take that shit seriously Because I guess I'd we didn't grow up about no one had any athletic talent none of us fucking had any chance and like, you know, we were and it was because once once you abandon your sports dreams and eighth, like I was on the eighth grade basketball team, and then I just,

I've been this height since eighth grade, and then I went to freshman year basketball tryouts, and they were like, like the coaches were like, all right, let's do one thing of suicides, okay, great, you're cut. It was like, I swear they did one round, like the first cuts came in 17 minutes It was like every little fat kid was out

And then like, you know, I played football but even at that point I was like what am I gonna fucking play football? Am I gonna make it the NFL? So it was like it became cool to be fucked up and sell drugs and do drugs and shit But you forget the like actual ath or I forget that it's like actual athletes, you guys fucking had to focus on your health and shit. I mean even in college, dude, like I was just talking to my boy and he was like, dude, I would drink every night of the week except for like, it was like Tuesday.

I was like, why Tuesday? Like if you're drinking every night of the week, why not just do Tuesday? Exactly. Like you took a break, he's like, yeah, I gained 40 pounds. I was like, and I was just thinking to myself, like dude, we'd go out but we don't we

Truly could only go out like maybe one night a week. Yeah, yeah, I mean which probably saved me Yeah, I mean so what's high school sorry to cut you off But like I just would love what's like the crew like cuz we definitely had our Crew of a few dumbasses where it was like me eldest our boy bum the mysterious big P who we keep Big P was there big piece car No, the world will never know And then we had like a couple like, you know So some like tertiary friends that would cycle in and out did you have like a set crew of boys?

Yeah, so my one of my best friend to, so one of my best friends to this day, one of my best friends to this day, Josh, he's a, like a, he went to a different school, but we played sports growing up together. Cool. He was like kinda in our group, but not like at our school, you know, it was different, but at our school it was me. Broke, he was a broke bitch.

Yeah. He can't get into the- Couldn't afford to get in there. He can't get in. Not with us and our 60 inch TVs. So it was Tucker, Justin, and Wilson. Classic. And what are their addresses as we're going full names?

Oh shit, sorry guys. Now we can bleep it out. Tucker, okay, Tucker, Big T. Big T. Justin. That's a. You know what, that's about the encryption we're doing on our friend Big T. Big T, we had Big Hitchcock, Big Cock is what we called him. Big Cock, Big T. And then Big Dub actually.

Actually, I'm not even lying, we did call him Big Dub. I love it, I love it. Yeah, that was like our crew and we were like we all played basketball Big dub played football nice He went on to play college football actually That's all that's really passed away Diagnosed with cancer like 20. Yeah, all right passed away, but Yeah, that was like our crew man, and we we all played sports. Yeah, so we were all like pretty no all like pretty. No one's getting too fucked up. Yeah, I mean.

No one's trying to. Sorry Tucker, but Tucker was probably the wildest. Yeah, yeah. He was getting, but still like very, very like. Of course. You know, nothing crazy. Yeah, yeah, except I'm guessing you're trying to finger pop a bunch of school girls and.

Yeah, going to a private Christian school doesn't make hooking up Take off the tie Like stop pretending. Yeah, I'd be at school with everybody I do this this girl at my school got a custom baby blue Land Rover when she turned 15 so she could start baby blue Land Rover when she turned 15's so she could start practicing in her car for a driver's test. I pulled into my Honda Accord and it's like,

new Land Rover, new, for some reason at the time, what's the car, Volvos were popular, because I guess they were the safest car. So everybody had new Volvos or a Mixtera or pickup trucks and I'm like, yeah, yeah, In the accord. I just like. With the fake three wells.

All day I'd be with my friends, like cosplaying rich. Yeah. And then I'd go home and be like, oh shit, yeah, I forgot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get in my car and I'm like, oh yeah. And they probably treated you awesome because you were awesome at basketball. Yeah, it was a nice, yeah, everybody was super nice.

Small school was like 75 people in grade, it was K through 12 so these so this is literally like the elite of Oklahoma It was like one of the yeah, it's one in Oklahoma City It's one of the better and we're talking where is this like gas money? What the fuck where this where these people's money oil like uh yeah? Yeah, I mean kind of all over like people's parents were doctors. You know But yes, Oklahoma's like oil money oil and gas is huge Chesapeake's like the big right like a bunch of my friends now work for all they're like oil and gas engineers all that stuff not to brag but yeah that's awesome buddies that's fucking cool yes ever need me that's fucking awesome

that you have friends in the oil and gas industry man yeah Still profiting off the land. Yeah, we just started fracking under a reserve, like under those casinos, they're fracking under them actually. They're not getting anything. We're playing the long run. That's fucking awesome dude.

Oklahoma oil and gas baby. So you had to fucking take the school uniform off and go to the public school girlies Where the accord was awesome? Honestly though I would like you'd like bump into a curb or something and one of the things would pop off Yeah, happened all of that did yeah, so whatever whatever men cosplaying rich man. What are you gonna? Do I remember I almost got into a rich school like cuz Baltimore City public schools are so dog shit Yeah, that my in middle school

You have to like test into like the couple good schools And there was a school that at the time and this is you know when when I was 13 at the time cost 12 grand a year Which I from middle school right public public no no private private school and like I Be awesome, that'd be awesome. They're like yeah, it's put public we actually enrollments down Just my kids get to go there But it was like this private school and I didn't get a scholarship. The only way I was going to go is like and they offered my family like a partial scholarship. Yeah.

And my mom was like, I can get a third job. And I was like, whatever. I'm good. And I I'm so thankful I didn't do it because like, I don't know, man. That's like I would have been such a dickhead. It's like I would I would not like being around like you. You came out of it fine. It seems like,'t know, man. That's like, I would have been such a dickhead. Cause like I wouldn't, I would not like being around like you, you came out of it fine. It seems like, you know, I mean, you also had like your identity, I think as an athlete, that's gotta help. You stay, stay focused. It's like, you're not,

but like I would have a hundred percent try and fit in with those like dickheads who are all now like finance guys, like vest, boat shoes guys. I would have tried to be one of those guys and thank God, because then the alternate path is I get to go to Baltimore City Public Schools and like, you have to learn to be funny. When you're like, dude, there's no better way to be a comedian than like be a fat white kid

in a 90% black school. It's like, there's no way you're not gonna be, I mean there is is you're gonna be Fucking depressed and want to kill yourself You're gonna come out of that better, dude So I I'm so thankful because I would have gotten subsumed by like trying to be a rich kid for sure Trying to pretend and like feeling not good enough going home being like you're an embarrassment mom and dad I wasn't meant to live here

going home being like you're an embarrassment mom and dad I wasn't meant to live here it's like the reverse thing where your friends are dropping you off at home and you make them go you walk like a mile just yeah dude a hundred percent a hundred percent did you make it great I was gay I was a good student I was a good student I you know I was it was a lot easier I mean that was, I was, it was a lot easier, I mean, that was, when I was really little, I think I really wanted a positive, you know, I was a ham from a little age, from a young age, so I wanted just positive feedback, and I just happened to, I think I was one of those kids

who happened to be good at standardized tests, right? Like, your brain just happens to work that way, and so, I got like the top percentile in like, you know, as like a little-ass kid, seven, eight, and just the way my mom was pumped and me being smart, I was like, fuck, I have to get awesome grades. And then I started cheating. And then in middle school I get into this program where it's like, because you would, because I didn't go to the private school,

you would test into the biggest, like you would test into it. And there's like there's literally like Six classes spread across Baltimore City where they would put like the smartest kids And I was I I ended up being the dumbest kid in the smartest class and I was like whoa I'm not smart. I'm fucking stupid. I'm gonna start cheating and entertaining these people. And like that's what happened. I started, like I remember one time, my proudest moment is I was supposed to give a, I was supposed to give a presentation on like how rain works

and you know, science or whatever. And I just like, I've totally forgot about it. Completely just forgot that it was happening. And so I took like, I put a fucking little, I had a chef's hat for an unrelated thing. I don't know why I had a chef's hat, but I wrote God on the chef's hat. And I cut up a bunch of paper

and put it in a plastic bag for my lunch. I took my brown paper bag, I cut it up. I took the plastic bag that, you know, and I put rain on the bag. And I was like like here's how rain works and I just went up and did my presentation with a straight face and my everyone was just dying and my teacher who's like you know hothead big tits that's also was part of it I just wanted to make her laugh I think and it was

working for some reason and she completely she gave me an 80 presentation that it's God sprinkling. He said it had God written on it. It's like, well, we didn't learn anything, but we all had fun. Yeah, we all had a good time. Here's an 80 for you. Yeah, yeah. That's amazing.

When they threw you in the private school, you realized. I had to test. You take a test to see where you, and I was homeschooled before that. Oh, wow. Really? Holy shit.

So like, just by nature of being homeschooled. Until when? Until seventh grade. What? Really? Yeah, yeah, really? Holy shit. So like just by nature being homeschooled until when until seventh grade what really? Yeah, and uh so I got I was in all like the honors classes. Yeah, I just fucked my teacher. One of my classmates, you mean your brother? Yeah. Yeah, as one of the cooler kids. Yeah, I was so popular. All my teachers thought I was a handsome young man. Yeah.

That's so fucking funny. So when I go to school, I'm like in the honors classes Yeah with kids I had no business being in there. I mean I was like I'm you know I'd be sure I know how to add sure sure sure but I was like I definitely had that same feeling I was like oh, I'm I don't I don't I shouldn't and it kind of stuck his all my friends were in the in the other Classes I was doing like the dumb honors English, my honors English class senior year was harder. I only went to college for two years, but it was harder than any college class ever.

This school was so hard and, sorry mom, I'm telling this but I pledged your eyes my last paper. I just like, I think I took like maybe my brothers or something, one of my teammates. And I was just just so over it. I'm literally two weeks away from going to Oklahoma. Yeah, you're like, who gives a fuck? Because we had to be there for summer workouts.

I was like, dude, I just turned it in, and I'll never forget. I got a phone call, and the teacher caught me. Turns out, I just turned in a paper that wasn't even the topic. Yeah, it's like, well, as a young Chinese woman in America, I just find that, you're like, did you even read what you took, Blake?

Yeah, yeah, I was trying to put myself in someone else's shoes. Yeah, as a young Chinese woman growing up in Oklahoma, it can be really alienating. Yeah, so then I had to spend literally two straight days banging out this paper. That's crazy. I don't even think I reached the word limit. I was just like, again, I was like screw it and I turned it in and he just gave me like a, I don't know, whatever he gave me.

You don't want to be the teacher that like stops you from, that makes you lose your NCAA eligibility. I want to graduate. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That would be fucking crazy, dude. Yeah, this senior year of high school was, our school was way too hard. Dude, yeah, I mean, it's crazy to me, homeschooled is so wild, because I would have never,

I mean, you know, I would, I mean, you have a bizarre life, obviously, like homeschooled into like thrust into like rich and then religious it sounds like school and then as young as fuck it's crazy when you think about like what since we've met and become friends it really made me realize like I feel like I've become a functional human being like last year and like we're literally the exact same age we were born in 89 and I was like that blows my mind because it's like you were thrust into like everyone paying attention to you at what 21 you got drafted 20 no I was 20 yeah

20 but you sat out but like I always say this like especially when it comes to sports like in my situation like in Oklahoma I started to get a little bit of notoriety sure so you learn how to like Right deal with that and then I go to the University of Oklahoma and you know I was like an all-american in high school So you get to go play on TV and like so now some begin little people are like weird about for sure much They love basketball for sure for sure. I always thought like it's so weird that like Sports like Scouts are the only people that can go like watch high school kids exercise. Kids got a real good body. Nice base on that 14 year old. They're allowed to take notes. They can literally sketch your physique. Be like I'd like to see his shoulders

developed more. We're going to give him a first round grade. Oh, we're going to put a little weight on that kid. He's going to run real good. Yeah. I guess it is. Why aren't there more Sanduskies? It does feel like if you happen to be a tactical genius and a pedophile,

you'd think there'd be one or two more. At least Scouts. Scouts really seems like a perfect place. I mean, you're literally going to watch high school kids. I mean, that's what sports is. Basketball was created as a PE. It was an exercise. But anyways, I digress.

And then you go to Oklahoma, you get to college, and you get a little bit more notoriety. And then you get some national notoriety in college. And then you get get drafted and it just kind of like you slowly like build up to it Yeah, I mean it's not like all of a sudden you just pop off. Okay, but come on, dude when I'm 21 I'm literally doing fucking dick jokes at a seafood restaurant. You have fucking like reporters from the Spain Asking you about fucking Ricky Rubio or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, yes, you build up to it, but you just have to know about everything. You know what I mean? Like, you have like, you just thrust into such a wild spotlight and like also where you get, I mean, okay, I never want to ask about all that stuff. We're just having too good a time,

but let's get back to homeschooling for one second because that's fucking insane. I would have never could you seem so well-adjusted That's that was like the preamble to the like For everything insane that's happened in your life You seems fucking well adjusted and your parents must have not been like what was the reason for them homeschooling you because my parents were public school teachers and they saw Parents also we had a awards company, like a trophy company basically, at the back of our house. We had this back room.

Your parents believed in the secret. They were like, we want them to win trophies. Manifest? Yeah, yeah. You sleep with that thing. Your parents are incredibly literal people. We want them to be champions. We will make a trophy company.

So like that was like their extra income. Hilarious, dude. And so my mom... What a trophy company. So like that was like their their extra income. My mom. What a bad country. Teachers needed to run a small business out of their home. And my mom made the decision to like basically stop. And like she kind of like was able to like work that a little bit more to help. I mean, we made trophies for all the youth leagues. Like I won trophies that I made.

That's crazy. Sometimes I would just come home and take it apart and put the pieces back. Yeah. I mean like. I swear, I would keep the big ones, but not to brag. Yeah, it seemed nice. Getting some pretty big trophies.

You have to get pretty big ones, 11. I was just getting like a trophy and you're just like, all right, I'm screwed. I mean, the amount of trophies I've built in my life. That's hysterical. Yeah. So you've built, do you ever make like a fun trophy I would like one time I made trophies from my friends

biggest loser smallest dick in Oklahoma big But like so the homeschool part that like we play that makes sense Yeah, and we had a neighborhood full of kids so like we were always around it wasn't like Yeah, you know there's some homeschool people who like they're not around other kids enough like that explains it the fact that your parents were teachers and that they were actually like because usually homeschooling happens because you're an incredibly bad parent who wants to treat teach their children that like You know Jesus has been resurrected through like a turtle

and the earth is flat and like, just weird fucked up shit. But yours actually just, you were socialized through sports and they were actual teachers. Yeah. Yeah, okay, that makes sense. And my mom would like, she would do the whole lesson plan. She would teach us everything, every subject.

And like, dude, it was great, honestly, because we would start, I think like at 9 a.m. and I would get all my stuff done by 12 and then me my brother eat lunch and we just go outside play whatever we wait for the neighborhood kids to get home yeah they would get home and then we would literally play all day or go to practice or a game or whatever so I was we were except for 9 to like 12 we were always kids, and I have my brother too. You know what I mean? So like that helps.

Like I can't imagine being homeschooled as an only child. You just at home by yourself all day with just like, I don't know. So was there a moment where your parents like, oh these motherfuckers are actually gonna be good at sports? We should get them in real school or? I think it was, I don't know. Cause we didn't, they didn't,

we didn't like consciously talk about that But they definitely my dad my dad taught at probably one of the worst inner-city schools in Oklahoma Like we would go to games Like to go to his games when we were young and like it's like the type where you walk through metal detectors Yeah, like the campus police officer would come out and walk us in yeah And he like I mean he won like make way for the light-skinned children This is our one shot! That's fucking hilarious. And then so like my dad made the decision, I mean my parents made the decision to switch

to a school that they would be okay with us going to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I gotcha. And the school happened to be, you know, a really good school. Hell yeah. That must, there must be a moment, and I don't know, I mean your parents seem like actually very well-adjusted people. Oh, they're the best people ever there must be a moment where you're like Oh fuck like it's gonna happen when it's like when it's like cuz you're like, I want to be a good parent

I want my chill child to have a you know, the best life my children the best life possible But there's gotta be a moment where you're like Oh, fuck yeah, do you for you? Yeah, well, yeah. This could be. Looks like we're moving out of the neighborhood. I'm gonna have to live here too much longer. Respect to them for, you know, not overdoing it.

You know, not, not, not, no weird AAU stuff. They were great about it, man. And my dad's philosophy, even being a basketball coach, my dad's philosophy is when we were young, we played all sports. We would play street hockey. We played baseball, basketball, football, soccer.

They would let us do everything. The only rule was once you started a sport, you had to stay with it for that season. I never really, I stopped playing baseball when I was like 13. I stopped playing football my freshman year or after my freshman year, I played one year in high school. And that's when I started to focus on basketball. I think that's probably what parents are doing now too much

is they get this pressure. Pickets born. And like these kids are either getting burnt out or they're not developing a good athletic foundation. Because the better athletic foundation you have by playing soccer, footwork, hand-eye coordination baseball, the better athletic foundation you have, the easier it is to develop a skill later.

And I feel like you don't fuck your butt. If these kids, I feel like there's a rise in younger people having sports-specific injuries. You see blown out ACLs, because they've been just doing those same drills since they were fucking 11. You see kids in high school getting Tommy John surgery. Yeah dude.

Some are doing it preventatively, but which is crazy too. Which is crazy to electively have surgery. Yeah, yeah. To do it later is like damn. As a fucking child. Because you're fucking, that's what I mean is like it's cool that your parents,

because you see all these parents that go the opposite route where it's like the second, their kid has a 1% chance. But it must have been nice to just be like, they're just regular motherfuckers that are, you know. It was great. And like my dad, it's funny, my dad being a coach was like the most relaxed.

He was just like, just play everything. Yeah. You know, just play it, and it was great. But you're right, you get like a break on your body. Like you're not doing the same moves basketball year round. I would go play baseball, I would go play soccer. Like you're on you get like a break on your body like you're not doing the same moves basketball You're around. I would go play baseball. Yeah, you're on a field. You're on a court You're on you know totally so that was like a I think that was like a that's what I'll with my kid like play every sport Yeah, don't don't specialize until you're like

14 you have one kid two kids two kids ten and seven ten and seven are they are they starting to be yeah? Yeah, they both play sports my son's nice. He's I he's like when you were talking about your parents like watching you I'm like man I'm like I'm proud of you. Yeah, I was trying to like tell him like totally I love how you went high-five your team But like man I watch him play and I'm like, oh my gosh. He's a freak. He's nice with it, bro. I can't catch him anymore, he's fast.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know, it's so weird, it's pretty cool, man. And my daughter too, she's seven, so she's like, my son's in that zone of him and his friends are like, obsessed with sports. You know what I mean? They're in that thing where they really love it. My daughter, she likes it, she plays,

and she's good, she's tall, but she's not quite there yet. If she wants to play sports, great. If not, I don't care. Do you want them to, because I always think about that shit where it's like, do you want, it is kind of, I mean it's been a great life obviously.

I think it's cool. Like you do a bunch of cool shit, and I think you're set up really nicely You have other shit you want to do which is like makes retiring less Depressing I would yes because it's like cuz it's you're like, you know, I know that's got it cuz we didn't you know We haven't this is a barely a we barely do we barely prepare or do anything. We've just kind of been talking It's like you didn't recently retire which is a huge fucking thing for most you know what I mean but I do feel like that's but it is a very specific like lifestyle where I just feel like you know do you want that for your kids or do you think about that

at all? Oh like that's only they really mean only if they want to because if you are doing it for any other reason than the love of the sport yeah will be miserable oh I'm sure there must have been like there's seven footers To me it feels like if especially the NBA because it's so height dependent Yeah, there must who's like you don't have the name names, but there must have been guys who are like hated Guys who would who would not publicly I'm not But there I can think of 10 guys off the top of my head right now who like, hate maybe, like some guys for sure I know hated it

and they just played because they were good at it. It's like dude, why not? Make some money and play. There's other guys who just like, you can tell they like the idea of being an NBA player Which I get well, yeah Sounds I mean, I've always said I've said the the player I've respected the most Recently has been James Harden because it's been nothing but like whatever the fuck he wants to do

He called me fucking said he throws that half season, gets fat as shit, goes to play, he's like, I wanna play with my boys from when I was 20. And he's like, he's just chasing his youth, that fails, cause of course it would. You know what I mean? There's no way, be like, come on guys. It's like, the boys that were together when we were 21,

we're all divorced now, We're getting a condo That's kind of what that next team was where's like KD. Let's get it going again, bro No, it's actually in first it was like rust is like nah, dude It's actually KD and just like how him trying to recapture shit and like being awesome and then like it's like damn the hardest time is kind of hard Yeah, he's gotten to every situation Take back the power take back the power from these owners dude fully I mean, I literally do love that because I do think so much of People who are mad about player empowerment shit

It's kind of in cell vibes where it's like it's the way in cells are mad women can fuck whoever they want Those guys are like the only thing we have is making them play where they don't want to That's the only way my life is better than theirs up that ball and you dribble. You dribble real good. You live in a city you don't want to live in. You live in a city you never wanted to live in. Even though you have a skill set only 12, like 14 people on earth can do. Is that oddly like the mean alien from Space Jam? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're gonna do whatever I tell them. It's literally like, it's like the only way those guys are the equals to NBA players like sometimes they have to do shit

They don't want and then this bullshit like Winning is so important. It's like who fucking cares. It's cool. It's cool as shit, and I'm a competitive person I'm sure it's fucking awesome But like look it's nice clearly not the only thing you see these guys like you see people who sold out for winning and it Would be cool to win don't get me wrong But like, you know fucking Lance Armstrong had to chop one of his nuts off He got cancer because he was doing steroids I think it didn't help. Put that Blake Griffin Lance Armstrong. I'm not sure that's right.

But you know what I mean. It's like you see people who drove themselves to like winning at all costs. And it's like, yes, it's awesome. But it's like that's just as unbalanced to me as like, yeah, just having a good time. I mean so think about like think about like Well, if you win it like the Michael Jordan the Tom Brady Lance on like the goat level Yeah, it like it's very much a part of your whole totally thing, right? But if you just like win a championship You don't like one look at like look. Dirk is probably the best example maybe.

Yeah, yeah. I mean that like, I mean he's just a, I mean he's a legend of all time. But like just like. That's kind of the thread and the needle. In that, in this sport right. But also like Charles Barkley. Yes, yes, yes.

Like is just as well known, maybe more well known as Dirk. More well known, yeah, no. That's a great point. I don't have a good pulse on him, because I'm a basketball player. I don't know. Let's ask Aldis, he's a fucking dork. You don't know shit. You definitely are more aware of Charles Barkley than Dirk.

Absolutely. Without question. I would say people who don't watch sports know about Charles Barkley more than they do Dirk. So it's like Charles Barkley never won a championship, chased it, almost got it, didn't get it. And so. You know that's a great example though

because like you see him in Shaq. And it's almost like Shaq goes to rings so fast. Oh, every single time. Whenever, whenever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no. It's. Hey, Shaq, let me tell you something, Shaq.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't. That's a good, that's really good, dude. Shaq hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey you that it like, the rest of your life is just kind of, you know, it's like, I do feel like Charles Barkley is happier than like even Michael Jordan, you know what I mean?

Like I really would, cause it's that thing of like, what you're giving up, these are all just my theories. This is all just me being like, I don't need to be as successful as I could. You know what I mean? Winning a championship Doesn't just has no it has no True effect on like your life after basketball except for outside of maybe like trying to get in the hall of fame sure

Which is cool, but yeah, I? Don't know I mean you can just you can still go be successful You know well, that's I just I guess that's it what I'm guess I guess what I'm trying to say is like, there are these things that are fucking awesome, and I'm not gonna say it's not awesome, but it's like, there is just so much more to life, and so much more to just like, and there is a,

there is like a value to just having a, honestly, a good time, or just enjoying yourself, and like, even the like, pursuit of like like getting to the highest levels and just feeling that That's kind of fucking cool. I mean, you know, and obviously I'm a huge, you know, I'm a huge I'm gonna use fan yours. Just I am a hoops guy. So I do I remember all those I remember actually this is a devastating a devastating night for you. It was the first time I got sweet for you it was the first time I got sweet yeah yeah yeah yeah well it was the first time I got like pussy on the road was when was when the Rockets inexplicably came back against you guys like I was in Boston opening for Bobby

and this hot girl I just hook up with this hot girl and the other opener hooks up with her friend and I just wanted to keep I was like I really like that girl she's cool but my the opener didn't the other guy didn't like the girl He hooked up with so he was like nah, dude We can't hang out with them anymore like we got we fucked him in the well I didn't even my dick couldn't even get hard I was I literally had too many pastries This is like the glory is one of my happiest memories by the way But anyway, she was very hot and I liked her I want to keep talking to her

And then he was like nah, had to he tried to you know leave the other one and then we went and got roast beef sandwiches and went back to the fucking hotel room and I remember being like so tuckered out from I was like wow life on the road is awesome I get pussy I roast beef sandwiches and pastry while I'm having a meltdown and And I'm like, and by the way, I was rooting for you guys, no, no, here's what I was rooting for you guys, cause I literally was a fan of yours. And, and, and I'm like, and you guys, it was so in the bag that I went to sleep.

Cause it was dude. Oh damn me too. Yeah. Yeah we all did, kinda all checked out that one. And then fucking Josh, and it was like, they literally take Harden out of the game, and oh. Is that the Genesis of the Doc blinking meme? Where Doc has no idea what's going on?

I don't, was that from the Clippers? I thought that was from, I think it was from Boston. But it just, spiritually, it's what happened that night. But I do- That meme is so, that's, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, just wanted to kind of remind you of that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway just wanted to kind of remind you of that You remember being 21 and telling dick jokes

Remember how you had a show made with that dentist girlfriend Swe And now look at you. Now look at me, dude. Sweating through my own podcast. I'm trying to drip it in here, guys. I know, dude. We fucked up, Elvis. Doing kind of like the reverse Chris Farley show where it's like, not even remember awesome stuff, but like, remember that one of the literally worst moments of your career?

That was pretty weird and bad, huh? Nah, it's fine. But I got head that day. Yeah day yeah dude I'm happy for you man that's dope yeah do you want do you guys want to talk about any other losses no that's enough dude I mean we could talk about Donald Sterling us sexually harassing you as a 19 year old oh whatever. Oh yeah, feeling it in my arms. Feeling it up your arms. Oh yeah.

Fuck, I wish we had, well you gotta come back dude. We literally just have barely scratched the surface. I've lost track of time, just completely held this. And we haven't done any advice yet, so we gotta get to some advice. Let's do it. Sorry dude, we're just having too good a time. Let me see. But yeah, dude. We're just having too good a time. Let me see. But yeah, I will say just my favorite.

Did you guys, how often did the Clippers read the deposition statement, which is one of the funniest things in the world? The question was, was this your handwriting? Yeah, I'm in the back of a limo and I'm with a girl. She's sucking on me. She's sucking on me. And I'm having a good time. And she's making me feel good and I love when she's making me feel good. Yeah, sometimes the... Pull it up, Elders. Donald Sterling. Sir, you have to read. I'll read the Sterling thing and then you come in with the... Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kind of a failure in producing not already having this, Eldiz. Well, I fool around sometimes. I do. When a girl seduces me and tells me all these hot stories, dirty things, and tells me how much she wants to suck on me and takes my shoes off and licks my feet and touches me. When I'm in a limousine and she takes off all her clothes, the limo driver said, well what's going on? And I started, she starts sucking on me, she starts sucking me on the way to Mr. Coons house. I forgot about that part.

I forgot that's the guy's name. And I thank her, I thank her for making me feel good. Sir, the question was, is this your handwriting? Oh, oh yeah, sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I thought you wanted to know about my... I thought you were asking me about Mr. Coons House. Getting sucked off to Mr. Coons...

On the way to Mr. Coons House. Also, is that a nickname? Like the racism was right in front of us the whole time. Oh my god, dude. Yeah, we gotta come back. We gotta talk more about that shit, but Good incredible incredible All right, let's look we got to take some calls. We got a fucking we got a fucking

You know an a world-class athlete a father an Oklahoman How many times you get Oklahoma thrown at you? Great, just wondering. Remember that time you brutally lost the playoffs? Oklahoma! How about that? We'll make a meme out of that to promote that. Jesus Christ, man. Just wondering, man, that's all The reverse Chris Farley show

Fuck excited for that time you got traded that After they promised you'd be a clip of her life yeah yeah but look at me now man not even bitter at all not even bitter I'm happy dude I'm happy yeah yeah you had a great year in Detroit man yeah dude some good pizza there. Oh fuck, damn. Man, read this, play the fucking thing. Play the thing, I have more to talk, I have honestly more. I have so many devastating moments. This is one of those things where I feel myself starting to get rolling, but let's do the questions.

God damn it. God, I'm giving so to make this plane dickhead Dude we don't have to take this This is my life Blake I'm gonna have to figure out how hot it's getting. We're all sweating our cunts off in here, dude. I don't think this will help much, but I could go turn on the living room AC. Yeah. Fuck it, why not?

Yeah. I'm not good, I've started to sweat. Yeah, yeah, it, why not? Yeah. God damn. I'm not good, I've started to sweat. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's the sauna. I've unbuttoned my shirt, just fucking, let's do some fucking calls. The gliss on the chest is nice though. The gliss is not bad. It really makes the gold chain pop.

I appreciate it, dude. No diddy is what the kids are saying. Which is actually huge. You got to, that's a big cultural footprint. Honestly, to stick around is like the new face of Nohomo is actually pretty impressive. From Matt to Paws to Noh Diddy. Yep, to Noh Diddy.

Go ahead, Elders. It's a long time here. Now it's time. I try to make this concise. Me and my wife have been together for about 12 years. We're not married on paper. We're married by children. We love each other very much. Married by children.

Our kids are amazing. It's been very established that we're together forever. Paper don't mean shit to us. Now to my question, I'm kind of struggling right now because our dynamic is she stays at home and raises the kids and I go to work I'm an electrician I make really really really really good money don't look up max contracts really really money is. I guess I should be an electrician Now the reason that I'm calling is because the last few months

Her house lead duties have been starting to slip and her you know her mom died a couple months ago. No! What? I've been factoring that into the equation. I've been cutting her away from life. I've been factoring that into the equation. Months ago! He's like, to be fair... I have been cutting her some sex! I've seen dust on the fucking countertops. I've seen a lot of crumbs on the countertops and some streaks on our glassware. Oh my god. What a fucking piece of shit. Alright. Let's see what else she's got.

Her mom died a couple months ago. So I have been factoring that into the equation. I've been cutting her a lot of slack because I know that's hard We all loved her mom very much I digress on that right? Trying to get out here. That's the time I'm all day The three-year-old she can be a terror she can be a minute, but she's pretty cool and manageable sometimes And then you know the ten month old is a bundle of love. She just needs to be breastfed every few hours.

No, this guy's trolling. I understand that I can be taxing, but you gotta understand, man, I work for 11 hours a day. This is crazy. And like, when I get home, it's the same as when I left. And then he starts doing stuff. He's like, oh, you're home now?

You can help with the kids. Now I can get my house chores that I should have been doing all day, and we're gonna have dinner at nine o'clock I know you got to be up at 530 in the morning, but we're going to bed late every night this is starting to grind me down and I'm just struggling because I love her very much Her attention without deeply offending her and making her feel like she's a bad mom this is

So hopefully your death has kids But if not, maybe that's the issue I can't understand this cuz I don't have kids Fucking lunatic take this one Have you tried, you know picking up dinner on your way home basic empathy You know, picking up dinner on your way home. How about basic empathy? Her mom just died. She's got a toddler and a 10 month old who's breastfeeding off her.

Who's literally sucking the life force out of her. Dude, this is fucking nuts that you're saying this shit. This has got to be it. He's got to be trolling a little, but he might not be, dude. Maybe. Okay, this is crazy. 10 month old, in and of itself, is enough to be like, you just got, you get a year to fuck it.

Like, you know, I, our friend, we have a friend who's, she had a kid and he's like, almost two now. Not even, a year and a half, whatever. But it's like, that shit fucking takes it out of, especially the mom, dude. The baby's clean. Listen to me about this. She had the kid 10 months ago.

She probably, postpartum's a real thing. Her mom dies. Her mom dies. And who knows what the lead up was? Was she sick? Was it sudden? Either way, there's a lot of fucked up shit going on He's like well, we all loved her

The point is Yeah, literally get a fucking housekeeper. And you're like, dude, I'm working 11 hours a day putting wires, connecting big different bulbs to different wires all fucking day. You can't brag about making really, really, really, it was three reels. Three reels, bro. Really, really, really good money. Three reels. And then complain about your wife not clean get a maid get a maid I think you

child made like two days a week maybe cost you like yeah I don't know yeah Blake hasn't done a chore in fucking 10 years no idea he throws the plate on plates on the ground a small Salvadorian woman comes up, I'm sorry Mr. Blake, I'll be faster next time. So he has no concept of what that costs. You know, talking to somebody who makes some money. Not quite your money, but you know, get them made. Give five people a week that live at your house and they never leave.

It won't even cost that much, dude. It's probably gonna be lights to fix. Why don't you do what I do? Fucking sell some vitamin water. They'll pay you a couple million dollars. Go jump over a fucking Kia. Get ten million dollars out of it. This is such an easy one. It's so funny. This guy's got a good idea.

I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. I'm gonna go get some water. Go jump over a fucking Kia! Get ten million dollars out of it! Dude, this is such an easy one. It's so funny. This guy's like, hopefully your guest has kids. I couldn't relate to him. I have kids.

Dude, I mean, what are we doing, man? Yeah, like maybe... Go train. Go put your name in for the draft. Get drafted number one. We'll play for fourteen years. I promise you. Train yeah Put your name in with a draft 14 years I promise you Yeah, just stop being a piece of shit your wife is up against so much right now or not even that's the thing is with this guy He's just hinting at not

wanting there's just like little breadcrumbs of him this is the beginning to the end yeah I'm just like well I hope she's not losing yeah yeah maybe she is if she is like this guy's his fucking dickhead but like look this is a tough time and yeah if you make that much, how about you fucking help her out a little bit. Because yes, I'm not saying you're not working hard, but she's fucking doing like three jobs right now. Like you guys aren't equal right now. Her share is larger than your share right now.

Even though it feels like you're bringing home the money, toddler and 10 month old is so brutal to have to fucking put up with. All day every day. All day every day where it's like, dude, try, literally, I would love for you to give one day of doing that, of trying to just like feed those kids, like switch it up.

Well who's gonna make really, really, really good money? Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. They're so fucking stout. His hands are tied. His hands are fucking tied, dude. But that's the thing, he's bigging himself up a little bit and the subtext here is like, I make really really good money, I shouldn't have to put up with this.

He hasn't even gotten into his, I'm sure somewhere lurking here is like, him not getting sucked off enough. I love, I love. You know? Yeah. I love that. She's a little sensitive sometimes. Yeah. She's got a fucking baby.

She's got two babies. You said her mom died months ago. He didn't say this year. He said a couple months ago. And by the way, you know it was probably less than a couple months. Yeah. If it was like, if it was two months,

he would have been like, you know, my mom died like half a year months. Yeah, yeah. If it was like, if it was two months, he would have been like, you know, my mom died like half a year ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If he says a couple, it was probably six weeks ago. Oh, dude. Yeah, yeah. They just left the fucking viewing. Yeah, dude.

You're being a piece of shit here. We get home from our mom's funeral, and the house is filthy! There's tears everywhere She got tears on my new driver. You can't get salt on a fucking driver. It'll rust you fucking bitch So yeah, dude. Oh my god You're gonna have to stop being a dickhead and realize that she's actually the one Dealing with more than you right now And then just because you make the money when you enter a partnership like this

Which even though you're not married we're gonna take you at face value and say that you are committed to this woman The money is just look you agreed to this right you agreed to being like like that's the thing about a family It's not it's not capitalism. You don't get to buy More control because you have more money a family is fucking communism and it's each to to what they can do You need to support her because she is biting off way more than one person should chew right now between Raising two kids full-time and being like a fucking you know how home you know housemaker Whatever the fuck or the other thing you do is you can start a trophy shop And maybe get a little extra money make your kids make their own trophies and that way they work put them to work

But these fucking kids to work three-year-old can work three-year-old can work brother But yeah, you're being a dickhead try and support her a little more and realize that this is tough You know a little house a may, you know a fucking cleaning lady Once a week or even like some child care do you have family that can help her out that kind that shit's fucking huge Daycare for your kids. I mean, you know my friend for the three-year-old at least like maybe putting the kid in a daycare She's with the ten-month-old and then you know, but anyway, I don't know there's some going on with that guy Yeah, just a little a little you know,. By the way, all this good call, I feel a little cooler already, even though it's, you know.

I don't feel like I'm dying anymore. There's a good deal. Yeah, we gotta leave these, we gotta leave it right. We gotta leave that. For all the Eps. Remember the first time we figured this out was with Lewis Black. And dude, this fucking guy was like, I felt so bad.

He was like, he was like almost fucking passing out. And it it's like we didn't think about that with our like, yeah, I felt bad for him. I'm also like, so what was it like eating pussy in the seventies or whatever? Whatever stupid question. What was it like being a fucking Jew in North Carolina? I felt that way, dude did I felt so bad All right, let's get some more fucking questions rolling here. Eldo. Well, it's pretty good These people are all gonna be like God got the worst guess to give advice Let's see, let's see let's see a uh... uh... mike from indiana uh... from the heartland and uh... i hope you come around here sometime

there's a point real quick uh... so my cousin he's uh... like six years old and i'm not in my late twenties i've got a wife he's got three kids everything seems to go well for him but just recently his wife called me and you want to ask if you thought i was cheaply receiving on world her i thought that but uh...

called out and i asked them and kind of gave me a very good time yes and i don't i genuinely conflicted and don't know what to say to her because if I find out he is, you know, do I want to be that guy and get that, be a messenger who gets shot?

Because I, like, I love my nieces and nephews, like, my cousins, I mean, I got brothers, but I don't know. I feel conflicted and I thought I'd ask you if you, if you were to find out like let's say one of your brother's which he on his girlfriend would and i'm telling who do you have done her i want to know her but i also the

the breakup relationship i got a big family uh... I don't want to be the person to break up a relationship. I got a big family. So yeah, thanks, Seth. Take it easy. I don't know. This is maybe when I revert back to villager brain here as a first generation immigrant. You never go against the family. There is no way I'm snitching on my brother.

First of all, my brothers would never cheat. But they really wouldn't. That's not even like me setting them up for safety he's asked my brother's this question this and that's a much more interesting uh... moral dilemma but i can't see a world where i snitch on those closest to me like the we've talked about this with like you know obviously my flight

uh... i should be on the record with some of this stuff actually but no I wonder what I wish you'd said what the vague the vague thing is awesome a vague response he calls him like hey yeah dude cheating is cheating when it comes down to it? I love my family, I'm here for my kids, and you know, I just, I'm dedicated to this family. Like, that's awesome. And good for him, by the way, for not, here's the thing, your brother did you,

your brother's a fucking good guy. Cousin. Oh, is it his cousin? Yeah, cousin. Cousin? It's his cousin. Still, cousin. Six years older. If you you're he seems close enough

Mike now my cousin would definitely cheat But he's not married he's just a 40 year old fucking lunatic in Greece That's just been getting pussy his whole life has no plans. He's currently in a in a production of Shrek the musical Currently in a production of Shrek the Musical in Greece. That's incredible. He's the man. In Athens, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, if you're ever there, I can get you some tickets, bro.

Dude. I actually might be going this summer. Dude, my cousin would be like, what? He's just a big sportsman. He'd be like, Blake Griffin, watch the gums. Me play Puss in Boots in Shrek the Musical. I'm like front rowing. I believe well I don't know what he's playing that would last summer it was pussy supposed to be pushing boots but I dress up as close him and I'll just hit it off in Greece they couldn't really speak to each other, but we had a great

We had a great time getting fucked up. It was awesome. He's the man. You can speak. I can speak. I'm fluent in Greek Yeah, dude. I'm considering. I don't know if I this summer I'm trying to decide if I want to go to Greece or if I just want to like I don't know go to some fucking Sick beach here and like keep it a little more low-key. Yeah. Maybe I might go to Greece this summer. Oh yeah? Nice. Anyways, yeah. So we'll get you some tickets to Shrek. But yeah, dude, I don't know. Sorry. Anyways, best of luck.

Now Blake, you've never experienced any as an NBA player. You don't know anything about covering for those close to you when they're cheating on their wives or girlfriends. Yeah, I gotta be honest. So certainly you can't... On this one, I'm kinda out. I don't really have any experience on this one. Um... yeah, no... Also, my cousins... my cousins are great guys.

Yeah! Like in the NBA, the guy who doesn't she gets made fun of right fucking pussy Serpico or he won't take the money fuck fuck this stripper fuck this stripper so we know you're cool I'm a Christian. I'm a devout Muslim. I can't Get him out of here Was there like a was there like a team that was known as like dorks was there ever like a city where you're like Those guys are losers. Yeah, no, because it's like everybody's from I just wonder if there would just be so funny if there was ever like

Because I feel like if the if like the star player is like a low key guy, it could theoretically. I feel like maybe the spur, I wouldn't say nerds. Sure. No, no, no. It's for like, you can't. I think they were definitely more like, they were much more normal. Sure.

Like, I just feel like they- Tony Parker got up to some funny, some interesting little stuff over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, dude, those are the best guys. It's like, yeah, the one of those players had a known affair. His teammates.

It's like, oh, shoot, yeah. Oh, yeah. But if I'm not going to, if they're not the example, then I'm not going to. The year he was in Charlotte, you're talking about. Yeah. But yeah, I guess Tim Duncan was, it. The year he was in Charlotte, you're talking about. Yeah. But yeah, I guess Tim Duncan was, it was interesting because he was like, and then he retires and like grows fucking braids and like.

Yeah. It goes like, does Moe tie or whatever? Moe tie? Moe tie. Yeah, he gets fucked up off Moe ties. But yeah, dude, look, I do think at the end of the day there are certain things that are not your business I'll put it that way where it's like I Would be devastated if

Somebody close to me that I let into this inner circle even if I did something bad You can't snitch. you just can't snitch It's not your fucking business if he's up to like look it's different if this guy's up to no good here And he's like a real piece of shit and his life is if this is a you know. He's openly cheating He's fucking doing drugs. He's not providing for his family, but You know his relationship with his girlfriend is not really up to you and like look people break up But family in theory should stay where it is and so I don't know. Yeah, just go ahead Oh, I was just gonna say it's like if they split she's gone, and you don't want to deal with but he's still your cousin

You know yeah, yeah, yes that alone is like absolutely fall, and they probably will it seems like This guy's acting like Bill Clinton on the stand when you asked him if he's cheating. I think we know where this is going Also, it's kind of it's interesting that she felt comfortable calling him true like wouldn't you just kind of do your own digging? Totally before you went to a cousin, but you know what happened here and this is where it is. This woman has good Here's my hunch. she's got a good sense of who the weak link in the family is. Oh yeah. This guy gives off pussy snitch vibes.

She looks around and everyone else is buttoned up, but it's like this fucking guy's like, got sweaty hands, you know, he's got his fucking, his polo tucked in at the fuck at Easter she knows he's easy pickings Where's my cousin at? He's here He'll be right behind us

He'll be right behind us He's right there somewhere He's definitely not in his car in in the parking lot behind Diddy's. Yeah, so dude, you can't snitch, I'm sorry. Next question. I think, yeah. You can't snitch. What else we got?

Basically, I'm a 25-year-old man in a relationship with a man we've been dating for like five years. Nice. And he got like top surgery like a year ago. Nice. It was like awesome and stuff. You know, it's like really good for self-confidence and you know, it've been very happy to see that. But basically my question is, or I guess my problem is that like, I miss his boots sometimes.

You know? Like they are just great little, great fangs. You know, like a good old handful. Believe me. And like I'm very happy with what's happened or whatever, it's tough. Great bangs, you know, good old handful. Believe me now. And like I'm very happy with like what's happened or whatever. It's awesome. Sounds like it. But sometimes I miss them and I don't know how to, you know, come to terms with the fact I'll never see them again.

And I'm like in this for the long haul, you know, but like, anyway, that's a problem where I feel very guilty about missing them. Anyways, thanks man, thanks Don, thanks Elvin, thanks Jeff. Yeah, that's tough. Question. Yeah. He's in a relationship with a man? Yeah, so he got top surgery?

So it seems like his boyfriend's trans, and so he got his titties chopped off. Oh, okay, I got you. So maybe when they started dating, his boyfriend was a chick so he got his titties child-cooked. So maybe when they started dating his boyfriend was a chick, you know what I mean? Which look, that would be a very tough loss. So this guy, our caller here, I don't know if he's gay or bi or whatever or just a pan person who's just like I can fall in love with a human. And here's the thing, this is putting that kind of thinking to the test.

Because a lot of people will be like, I just fall in love with the person. You might need titties in your life. It's a possibility. It's a possibility. You have to be honest. Because you're not doing him any favors. If you know you want tits,

you don't want to build a whole life with this guy. And then he gets a nice cock and you're not doing him any favors if you know you want tits You don't want to build a whole life with this guy and then he gets a nice cock and you're like, I miss this pussy It's like dude. You might need tits and that's That's okay. You know what I mean? Like that's a pop that's like a possibility if you're feeling real guilt, but he says he's in it for the long haul Mm-hmm. And but I guess it's like, are you? Because it's okay to be supportive of a person you love and want them to transition, but if it's important to you, or this could just be the thing by people,

because I would assume if you're a bi person and you settle down with the one, you're occasionally gonna miss the other. You know what I mean? Like if you're by your by girl you marry a woman you might want to get some dick every once in a while or you marry a man you might want to suck some clits every once in a while so it's you know yes it's like

i don't know i said it's it's interesting is it's like you were issue new obviously new that he's trans. Yeah. Like you know that's probably like, That's gonna happen eventually. That's the vibe.

Of course. Yeah, he's letting you know these, don't get used to these tits, they're coming off. So like what happens, yeah, what happens if you do a gender reassignment down there? I mean, yeah, are you mad? You know, gender reassignment surgery down there. Then it's like, well, he's, is he, I don't know, what, are you mad? I'm a surgery don't then it then it's like well

He's busy, I don't know we were you attracted to are you mad what I'm saying is what are you? What are you attracted to right? What are you attracted to in this human because it's like look you can be attracted to the soul and you could you might not Some people are just like some people just need certain things and you know I mean you like what you like. You like what you like. And look here's the other thing. You can say, I love you, I miss titties sometimes. Maybe your boyfriend's a freak, he might want to suck some titties too and you guys get to fuck a chick together.

That sounds cool to me. Here's an option. Yeah. Why don't he get some? Why don't you get tits? Then you can hold them yourself. You miss tits so much, get a nice fat pear. Now that's fucking, that's fucking galactic picking, Blake. Yeah, you can hold them yourself. You miss tits so much, get a nice fat pear.

Now that's fucking galactic thinking, Blake. Look, the problem is the tits are gone. You have a way, Occam's razor, brother. Get your own tits. Should've gone transfer and just taken them. You should've done a tit transfer. Tick transfer. Talk to the doctor.

Do they have the tits? It's not too late. Yeah. We actually keep them alive for six months just in case. Transfer transfer talk to the doctor When we see a particularly nice pair we keep them on us That's a great idea get your own set of tits. Get your own set of tits. Problem solved. Um... But I'm guessing he's not... He's not trans.

Maybe get one tit. Just for yourself. Each get one. Maybe like a stress ball. Make a stress ball out of the stress ball out of the tit and squeeze it every time you feel you miss it. So look, there's a lot of different ways to go about this. We've given some good options. But yeah, it just you know, I would just

consider getting tits consider, you know, I would give it some time, you know, this person's probably feeling awesome You don't want to be like my miss your tip like but you also don't want to keep it to yourself fully and you do need to think about the fact that is that are you actually I Mean, it sounds like you are you like you love that you love him but you know give it give it time is a good point it's like a big change for everybody they're both like adjusting to it and like fuck I was gonna say something else but I forgot that's awesome eldest really great fucking I was like great eldest will take us home we'll move on to the next fucking question I was just gonna say talk to him about it too and like just yeah, just say you like just be honest. Yeah, why not?

You know, yeah, like I miss titties. I know we get some titties in the mix. I still love you Would you there's nothing wrong with that? Yeah, just be forthright Honestly, honesty honesty is always this policy and you say I want to do this. I'm this titty's God that would be a real deal breaker for me. I Gotta be honest. Yeah, that was brutal same to be honest Yeah, I've hooked up with non-binary people, but they happen to have tits and a pussy And if they were to chop those titties all you know I mean I might still you know who knows but I still fucked them probably yeah you know I'm thinking about it but it's not I'm not settling down for life you know fucking But yeah, good luck man. Anyways, good luck. Fuck. It's a good question.

That is a good one. Let's see what else you got. You've been doing a good job, Elders. This is what happens every time we take a break and re-record. He comes through with a bunch of good questions. I bet you in three episodes they're all dog shit. By the end of a ten episode recording stretch it's pretty tough it's like so it's like it's like it's like seven like three minute calls like some

guy just he's lonely dude that's mostly we have 4,000 voicemails here. That's crazy. 4,000. Hey, Stavi, esteemed guest and Elvis the Albanian Bunker Dweller. That's right. I've got a serious dilemma on my hands and I could really use y'all's advice. So I have a friend who hit me up saying that someone I'm mutual friends with on Facebook was selling some expensive concert tickets And they asked if I knew the person and I said yeah I know them basically just saying I I went to high school with this person and I know they're not a bot or anything Anyways, they proceed to scan my friends out of about $1,600

For his little daughter's birthday and My this person I went to high school with that on Facebook friends with just ghosts them and I hit him up I'm like, hey, you know what's going on here and They basically ghosted me and more or less admitted to scamming him So I've already free canoed them Which is where you make a fake Craigslist listings with their phone number saying that you have a free canoe What are other ways I could ruin this person's life using just their phone number? So if you could help me out with that, I'd really appreciate some

Any ideas that you guys have? Thanks so much. Have a good one Wow This guy just fuck did you know he was a piece of shit though? Wow. This guy is just... Did you know he was a piece of shit though? Probably not if he was like... If it's someone you know from high school, like... It's like you don't know how shitty people think of all... Yeah, that's true. That is true. But I don't know, I feel like I'd have a hunch. I feel like, like, was this someone you would have bought concert tickets from?

That's really the question. Not like, are they just real? Now look, it's not your fault this guy's a fucking scam artist the guy clear it sounds like Taylor Swift tickets were her we're fucking he was scammed out of some Taylor Swift tickets I wonder his birthday I want you know what that's a good point no one talks about how many fucking like how many like scammers Taylor Swift has helped she's fucking rising all the fuck the economy's rising all over the place dude a lot of guys in neck tattoos came up Thanks to fucking Taylor fake Taylor Swift ticket links

Okay, used to use their phone number You could call illicit, you know, you could use their phone number you could call into You know, I wouldn't say drug dealers but maybe like a massage parlor, let's say, without too many women reviewing it. You know what I mean? Circulate his number, text a bunch of places and ask for, you know, get him on like the

happy ending registry. You know what I mean? You could get his number on that way. You could... Can you volunteer somebody for this registered sex event? Turn himself in. He's like, I just feel like I should be involved in here. Just, yeah, call a bunch of shady businesses. I think it's a good one. You could sign him up for...

You could sign him up for a bunch of... I guess email lists. Do they have they have phone oh you know what I bought it so I got a phone number this actually I think I have something nice I bought a second phone line thinking I was gonna use it as a business line I'm still not doing shit with it but I have it and it was clearly some old some like old guy died because he had like some old like lib because he had like subscribed to every single like Nancy Pelosi text alerts like dude I get like I get this is Donald Trump. I need your help. Kathleen, they're letting Mexicans in.

You can stop it. They are teaching immigrants English, but making us learn Spanish. Yeah, something like that. I think I get so many of those, and they're so fucking annoying. So sign them up for both sides text alerts Make a donation well, then you're spending money

but I Mean honestly, I think I think you go the route of like setting up an elaborate scam. Yeah, I Don't know how you have to count. You have to count of Monte Cristo him Well, what about this daughter this little kid, this is her villain origin story. Yeah. It's really up to her. She probably told all her little friends that her dad got tickets. They were going to go, it was going to be like her best birthday. Can she ruin his life? Can she use some inappropriate conduct 30 years later it's like kill bill yeah he's like whoa the sublime reunion he's going to fucking let him think yeah let us wish you do mm-hmm whatever high school reunion is coming up next yeah true you I mean I guess no next. Yeah, true. You I mean, I guess no, he knows that I guess. Yeah. Okay, so

next high school reunion, you get them back to the school, wherever the reunion is, you get the daughter there, right? You get them somehow. Somebody pants is them. Sure. You snap a picture, right? Daughters right there. Right there. His pants down. It's technically child porn This is going to the police or you give us our Yeah, that's a great Yes, it doesn't have to be the The you could it doesn't be the high school reunion but we have to get this guy

naked. But I guess that's the only way it would make sense. You have to lure him somewhere. You gotta lure him. So you gotta lure him in with like okay let's create an AI juggalo with big tits. I feel like this guy the guy who's on Facebook marketplace scamming Taylor Swift tickets I think that's what he wants. It's like a slight a plus-size big t titted jugular with like an eyebrow piercing. Heavy naturals. Heavy naturals. Thick with one really big vein in the tits. It's dark blue.

Dark blue. It's the most beautiful blue you've ever seen. It would come out purple if you put a thumb pack. It would take a little while for it to oxidize. That's how deep this blue vein is. So get him his type of bitch, invite him over, you know, you have to do a reverse to catch a predator. Yes. Where you put the child in a fat suit.

You make the child pretend to be a legal adult and then just settle, you know, make yourself comfortable and then the child, now look, we don't want to expose this child to anything, but she's got her back turned. He would show up with the same like goodie bag that the actual Predator show. He's like, well why do you have a pack of Smirnoff ice and condoms? I thought she was 32! Ice one and a gun! Well, she's 16. I like this actually. We get the child of fat suit,

you put her in it, she looks like a sexy BBW juggalo, okay? But it's actually a child he's met up with, and now he's going to fucking jail for a child. But here's the thing, we don't have to send him to jail to be a sex offender, right?

You can just blackmail him into, Hey, and maybe a little something on top for us. For a trouble. This is a top of the line, uh, fucking expenses of the fast. This is top of the line. That's three grand at least. Yeah. Three grand cause Lord knows he's done this to other people. He's done it. He's got money lying around strike again So yeah, I love this. That's a perfect idea. That's a grant. It's a really good one

All right. I really like what we got here We've really helped some people you have a fun. Well, so what how we doing on time? We're at 141 right? Oh, wow We're cruising god damn All right, let's let's do one. Let's do a nice one. You got it. She got something good for us big LD I'll bring us out with a update and a little follow-up an update in a follow-up. Oh Hey, stuff calm with a little update and a little more advice So I was the guy that called in and had that really avoidant girl Would not see me for like over a year. You got better

episode with Sam talent Nathan bond Give me a little background I seem to remember think this guy was like Phyllis in 400 or 500 pounds or something He was like, yes online talking with some girl for like over a year yes they maybe hung out one time but didn't fuck or anything but I remember this he was fat as shit he didn't believe in himself and he just didn't yeah he was just acting like she was weird too because she talked to him all the time and there was something potentially there but he just was too and we've all we were because on this episode we had that was actually where the absence were stretching the limits of the county and we had a lot of

man man on this not uh... sam talent nathan london to very funny very fat man and uh... we all knew the fat boys heart when he was up against so basically he was too timid to make a move this woman was a little weird we couldn't really get a good read on it uh... that's pretty much the situation right out this that's right wonder what you know that the group in the s for me that you are in the right direction yes not so much because of what you guys had to pay the ticket here myself people got

empathetic on the phone truly jarring and awful that's tough. What I'm calling out about today is honestly, shortly after I left you that message, I met this wonderful woman. We've gone out a handful of times. She stayed in my house like four times over the last two weeks, which I am absolutely so down with.

Yeah, you're a fiction. What I'm trying to get at is I'm trying to understand how soon is too soon to ask somebody to be in a relationship with you. Because in my daily history, I've gone way too fast into these things and I really don't want to fall into that same trap again because I end up getting involved with somebody getting too deep with somebody that some of these Red flags. This is the fucking guy that was talking to a woman for five years

Wouldn't make a move and now he's calling us and saying love you. He does it he gets into things too quickly No, he said love you at the end Alright I was too. He said love you at the end Eldest I'm sorry What are we he was just talking am I I remember that correctly that's the call ultimately his fundamental question was like What's up with this girl? Why does she continue to talk to me for over a year? But refuses to like meet up right they lived like right Super far maybe an hour. Yes. Yes. Yes. I gotcha. I gotcha Okay, and he was just she was just getting him attention from yeah, basically and I'll say too

I mean, you know Obviously he didn't fuck or didn't even see that bitch except maybe the one time if I remember correctly But it's so that's still an example of like, you know rushing into something in the way All his eggs in like yes this anonymous like cyber girl like fucking basket and how long ago was This was pretty he's saying that shortly after that call. He met somebody. Yes, this is a different girl, right? I know but I'm saying like so how like how long do we think he's been with this new girl? Oh Interesting here originally called in in February. Okay, so yeah, I mean when's this call from? April gotcha. Yeah, okay. Okay, so Monday Monday

Super late April May 22nd Turns out I was incorrect I got you so it's been much yeah, I mean yeah pull the trigger pull the trigger You're you're you're actually doing the wrong thing right? She's sleeping over multiple times a week She also just might think you're in a relationship. She's like you're not a fucking cast no disrespect You're no cast over your fatty shit You were just beginning catfish for a year. She probably isn't too worried that you're getting pussy elsewhere This is probably more for you That you have to lock her down You know what I mean?

I've been there I've been on both sides of it where women were shocked that I was getting pussy and didn't want to be in a Relationship they're like what but I'm hot want to be in a relationship. They're like, what? But I'm hot and you're a fat idiot. I'm like, hey, sorry, babe. That's how society works sometimes. I don't know what to tell you. Don't let them know. You're just...

I know. I'm kind of shocked my life works this way too, but it does. Oh, it does. Hey, don't chop those off. You ever become a guy, this is over, babe. Yeah, pull the trigger, man. Yeah, so definitely you can have the discussion. You should be like, I really like you. I love spending time with you.

What's going on? I don't know. It's just you're, that also is a weird thing to have to, it almost feels like a, Do it. A vestige of almost being young. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, we'd be my girlfriend.

Exactly. You're sort of over there, right? Yeah, for all intents and purposes, if she's like over every night, like, Yeah. You're in a relationship. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah, so.

Because some people think if you're dating, if you're hanging out like that, you're dating someone that is your, that by definition that is your, Yeah, you're dating. Totally, totally. It is dating, it's just a matter of going official. Which, by the way, that was something I clung to as a dirtbag

Where I was wrong about right where it's like, I'm like, what do you mean? We fuck it My girlfriend what because we see each other four times a week. I Like it's like yes, I asked you to move in You don't sleep in it I wish you'd have moved in. But like, as a roommate. As a roommate, you have your own bed. Aw. No, you don't sleep in it. Here's a way you could do it. Like, make up a little white lie. It's like, oh, you know, my brother asked if I was seeing

somebody and I was like, yeah. And he asked like, oh, is it like a girlfriend, boyfriend? Yeah. And I was like, oh, I don't know. I actually should bring it up to her. Let's talk about it. I should ask her I should ask her Yeah, that kind of takes the pressure off be like so I was thinking They're like laying there watching a movie So he's sitting there he's eating an entire cheesecake, hasn't cut it, he's eating it

like this. Not a single slice. He's got an ice cream cake, then he's got a giant spoon, a ladle, he's like, so I was thinking- He's mainlining a cheesecake? I don't know, it just kind of helps maybe like, instead of having to just be like, are we boyfriends here? Yeah, I mean, it's weird, I don't know what that.

Not that you should lie, but just like, you know. That's a good question, because I've thought about this too, because I'm looking back again, I feel like a fucking idiot at how dumb I was, where it was like, yeah, I was clearly dating someone and it was almost like a, it was almost like a formality to be like,

we're obviously dating, right? And then I would be like, what? No, no, what the fuck? Like I've never, I've never cheated on anyone the way like rich people pay their taxes. You know what I mean? Like technically I've never cheated on anyone, but only because like, you know,

I bent the rules to what, to being in a relationship. You followed the rules by the book. I bent the rules to what to being in a relationship followed the rules by the In court it would hold up when did we discuss that we were in a relationship So like I I almost think like yeah the way you have this conversation But it's it's good to be you know what we know what is good is to sit down and be like hey I just want to check in because I really like you and I want to be, you know what is good is to sit down and be like, hey, I just want to check in because I really like you and I want to take the, I want to just kind of be in a committed relationship and I feel like we're really hitting it off.

I just want to see how you're feeling. That's a nice check in because sometimes people want different things. Sometimes, best case scenario, she laughs at you and is like, of course I want to be, what do you think we've been through? Worst case scenario, she's like, what? Just because we spend for you, you know what I mean?

Like, which could happen, but the sooner you have, you know. But then you know. Then you know and you're better off. And by the way, you met someone wonderful, you can meet them again. Don't put yourself through that same fucking, you know, bullshit scenario, you know. So, you know, we're rooting for you little buddy

Yeah, our big buddy our big our big buddy. Yeah, I'm getting right. You know I'm thinking about maybe You know hanging up the little slut my little slut my little slut Aaron just becoming a kept man I would love to have a nice Being a nice relationship, so we'll see and see. And I won't behave that way this time. I'll be, you know. Dude, proud of you, man. Thanks, dude. Looks like we're all learning a little something.

We're all learning a little something. Learned that I was miserable losing a game seven. And. Well, it was game six, I believe. Oh yeah, it was game six, yeah. Yeah, you had to then go blow game seven. I hadn't quite yet. I was. Yeah, you had to then go Yeah, you were up three two you had to lose that game in another game

Fuck you taking out all my aggression on this guy. Oh dude, yeah, good luck little buddy. Dude, Blake, thanks for, this was so fun, dude. We fucking, you know, I had so much shit I wanted to ask and we were just rolling, so you gotta come back. We'd love to have you. And anything people should look out for, we didn't even talk about, I mean, I wanna talk about how sick it is

you're bringing back slam ball. That's fucking awesome. We didn't even discuss slam ball, which is,, that's fucking all we need to discuss Lambo Which is fuck that is when I realized we are the same age as I'm like Oh shit this guy's working on it should I remember from being a kid? Yeah, the slam ball was so fucking sick It was so sick. So sick. I got approached to be a part of that and Immediately I hit my group shot all my boys are all my age. Or our age. And I was like, hey, would you guys watch slam ball

if it came back? And it was like, oh my God, oh my God, yes, yes, yes, yes. And I was like, oh man. And it did really well last summer. And it's like the perfect time because it's in that dead spot of like no football, no basketball, only baseball's on TV if you don't really watch, you know.

Yeah, totally. No, fuck baseball. And it's gonna be even bigger this year. For sure, because I feel like I didn't even know that. I literally, because we met last year, and I was like, oh, what kind of shit has this guy been into? Because you hadn't officially retired,

you were fucking sticking around playing for the fucking Celtics. Fuck. Which sucks, fuck Boston. I was so happy. I'm glad you retired for yourself, but I was like, thank God this motherfucker didn't make me kinda root for Boston on some level,

because I would have had to root for you winning. Part of me would have been happy if the Celtics won, which would have been such a fucked up thing to make a man go through. I really do. And it just goes back to just them winning too much for so long. Yeah.

And I'm a Ravens fan and we have like, we always had the big Patriots shit and like, I'm an O's fan and the Red Sox and Yankees were always like, fuck them. And I realized in basketball, I don't really have a reason to hate them because I liked that KG team. That was a cool team. Yeah. I was actually rooting for those guys. Rondo.

Yeah, young Rondo and I was such a KG fan Yeah, so when they won I was happy right but then that started all the I think it really is Patriots tied up in Patriots hate More than anything, but then it transfers into this cuz they had such a fucking run of such a run of being awesome Like six championships. I mean yeah, between the, I mean you got the Patriots, the Red Sox, and the Bruins were winning too, and it's like fuck, you know, just fuck them. The only thing that wasn't winning was the Celtics,

but you know, I also just kinda, my NBA fandom is so weird, because growing up I was just like such a, I was like a free agent fan, because Baltimore doesn't have a team. Right. And you can't, like Oklahoma's one of those places where people like weirdly root for like,

you know, the Cowboys or something, like for the NFL. But it's like, that's not where you're from. Isn't that so weird? Right, but it's like the closest, at least it's like, it's two and a half hours. You know what I mean? Like it's not the same state,

but then like, yeah, like Oklahoma, I mean basketball was like that till we got the thunder. For me, like dude, I like- Yeah, what'd you root for? Dude, I was like a Bulls fan when I was thunder right like dude. I like you root for dude I was like a Bulls fan when I was young because I can like there's no league pass no social media You can't couldn't you couldn't keep up with teams unless you're looking in the newspaper But like and you're only seeing games that are on national TV. Yeah. Yeah, and so I'd like I don't Watch the Clippers game until I mean nobody funny. They were never on national

Yeah, you know like you know later on then well that the Darius miles Elton Brown. Yeah, that was later. I'm saying like in my child. Yeah Yeah, before like till 2000. I probably didn't watch a Clippers game So were you were you a fan of who were you a fan of growing up after the Bulls? Cuz I kind of had that I bounced around I did I did too I was more so just like followed players. Like I loved Vince Carter. Oh yeah, absolutely.

But again, couldn't see him that much. Yeah, he was harder because of Toronto. I was a big, the team that captured my heart first, after, I mean, cause everybody's like, and I was a big AI guy. Yeah. And Philly, Philly and Bolts, oh, he's the fucking man, are you kidding me?

And then him, you know, his run where he takes a game off those Lakers of that Lakers team is like insane but the the Kings the Sacramento Kings team which would like a lot of you ever and like that That team was especially his Vladimir looked like every one of my fucking friends dads and my dad It was like there was just a guy. It was Eastern European representation, a bald guy with a beard. Was every one of my dad's like, contractor friends, looked and probably smelled like Vlady Divac.

Smoking cigs, throwing behind the backpacks. He was the man, dude. They used to smoke at halftime. They had a little room next to the Lakers locker room. He'd smoke cigarettes at halftime. So sick a little room next to the Lakers locker room. He'd smoke Yeah, so sick. I'll just be like who is this guy? Yeah, I mean tell me that fucking guy doesn't look like half the Albanians that you grew up with eldest I'm big time. Yeah, I love it too because he also like he's such a petty Eastern European man that he had a feud with Lucas Dad or something and he didn't draft Luca number two

He was the GM for the game and the fucking sons were dick. They were idiots. They passed on him when they had his coach Okay, he's from Arizona who gives a fuck that's like something they would do in the 60s It's like well, he's the he's the star of the local college. We have to have him on the Sun's like Luca He was a fucking Euroleague MVP at 18 and everyone's anyone goes anyway, I mean Atlanta traded Atlantis That's another thing. It's like no we need a five Good, he's good, but you know come on like they I mean Aiden and I mean Bagley's hysterical no disrespect But you know, yeah, that was that's a tough was Aiden Bagley and Bagley's hysterical no disrespect, but you know yeah, that was that's a tough one was Aiden Bagley Aiden Bagley Trey and then Luca which is such such funny stuff be a salute to Vladi and Then obviously the second the seven seconds or less sons were like this team's fucking awesome. Yeah

They were fun to watch and then I don't know I was I did I did fucking I loved I did like you you guys obviously The Lob City team was fucking fun to shit and then and then I moved to New York and I was like, alright I'm moving here. I'm gonna be a Knicks fan But I had all I was always keeping an eye on Yanis obviously Yeah, I think and then and now it's like, you know, I got that little I got that little like fucking I feel like I have split custody where it's like, I'm just like rooting for them not to be in the same series,

like how much I would've, you know, but whatever. But yeah dude, you bring back fucking Slam Ball, you're fucking producing movies and shit, TV shows. Are you gonna do stand up again? Cause you were doing stand up. I remember I had a friend who you went to, when you went to Montreal, like I had a couple buddies that were at Montreal and they're like, dude, Blake was fucking funny.

Like everyone was like surprised because you shouldn't be able to be. So that was the first time I went. I think so. It was probably like 2016 maybe. Yeah, I just moved so yeah. Yeah. I went and hosted that midnight surprise show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it was fucking awesome. I mean the adrenaline that I got from doing stand up was very comparable to hitting a huge shot. That's fucking crazy. But you know that theater, that's like a hundred, like maybe 120 person theater. And getting off stage and knowing you crushed,

it was like, and then I did night one and the next night dude the whole upper balcony was like agents and everybody was like coming to see I think I feel like they were coming to see about of course of course of course. Oh because believe me they're rooting against you. There's no way comics like no handsome millionaire basketball player. He better be bad. handsome millionaire basketball player. He better be bad.

Legit, if I wasn't an actual fan of yours, I would have been like, fuck this guy. But I was happy, yeah. That's why I'm weird about it now. I was like, I write stuff all the time, but like, I just like, I don't know. It's like, I don't know, I don't wanna, Get it.

Let comics out. You were, we were talking before, and it's like, it's also I'm I don't want to get it. Let let let comics Well, look you were we were talking before and it's like it's also funny to think about you've been a person who's like Worked out for like an average of three hours a day Since you were 12. So it's like this is the first we were talking about how you're like, yeah I just didn't work like we went we were hanging out in LA and you're like I just didn't work out today and you said it like it was like like you saw like the eclipse or something like you saw like a shooting star and it was like you were like can you can you even imagine like you're telling me like what I've never and I was like holy in that moment I was like wow we really have lived different lives like talking about how it was like it

was like a novelty to not work out. You're like, sometimes it feels good not to work out. I woke up and I was like, I just don't want it. I don't have it today. And I was like, oh wait, I don't have to. And I just didn't work out and life was awesome. I was like, it's pretty cool. Well here's what you do, you give it a second, you get, maybe get a little fatter.

Actually let yourself get fat. Throw on some weight, do something weird with your hair. Let it get like a fucked up texture, long, too long. That place where it doesn't quite go down, doesn't quite puff out. You just gotta look weird and fucked up. It's just like, it just exists on the head. Yeah, yeah.

And then just like, yeah. You can go hardcore steroids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely yoked. Just fucking. Yoked with a belly and then just like. Where you can't even fucking move your neck. Next time I come on the podcast I'm like-

No. But then you let your body break down after that. And then you just become like all fucked up and like- And then do stand up. You know what I mean? And then like break your body a little bit. But I just remember being like- I love I love the joke about How you feel like they could just trade you and it's like how fucked up the theory of that is

You know, it's like you just sign up and you commit to something. They're like, yeah, you actually don't you don't have to fucking You don't actually get to be here Yeah, your wife trading Yeah, your wife trading you Yeah, I committed long term to you I Always love the thing I think I did this in my first like 10 minutes that I wrote was like you know, you'll be walking down the street basketball so funny that like somebody will just like yell out like Go Lakers and it's like I don't give a fuck

It'd be like if I saw that my UPS guy and I was like go FedEx Such a weird thing where people think like that's like really getting me totally and they're always like across the street of course I like they're like hey go Lakers never Keep some distance in between. Oh, absolutely, dude. I'm just gonna start doing that driving by UPS is Dude fuck you Even DHL man, I fuck with DHL even more Yeah, dude, so You're doing a button nothing. You want to plug in particular is not really I don't really have anything right now. Just check him out Blake Griffin

Go to honestly check out he's got sick dunks this fucking guy That he is not monetizing Honestly, check out, he's got sick dunks, this fucking guy. So just go to YouTube, check out Blake and Drew. Go to other people's YouTube channels. Other people's YouTube channels. That he is not monetizing. Look up his highlights, set to like fucking songs. Set to like songs, you know, that are probably gonna get copyright strike. But he's got some great highlights out there, folks. Just check those out.

Yeah, and then, you know, just think about me from time to time. Just think about me. He's not on your TV anymore. He just needs that. Keep me top of mind for any projects. I mean, thinking about becoming an electrician. Yeah, the money's good, brother.

I love it. This poor guy, I'm just absolutely shitting on him making a great reaction. That guy, of all the guys I love it. We're guys That guy of all the guys we shit on don't feel bad about him I love it. Well, thanks so much dude. This is a great episode and thank you guys and we will talk to you next time. Bye. Bye Bye!