Stavvy's World - #85 - JP McDade and Dan Soder
Episode Date: July 15, 2024JP McDade and Dan Soder return to the pod to discuss JP's upcoming special JP MCDADE: IN BROOKLYN (coming out 7/17 and produced by Stavvy Baby Enterprises!!), natural disasters at comedy venues, child...hood memories of huffing, the beauty of shrooms, tripping while looking at beautiful footage of the motherland, Shaq's flings, and much more. JP, Dan and Stav help callers including a newly sober man whose girlfriend doesn't want him to do shrooms, and a guy whose girlfriend's friend thinks he's evil. Watch JP McDade's special JP MCDADE: IN BROOKYLN, premiering 7/17: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s9TOXFM3t1M Follow JP McDade on social media: https://twitter.com/jp_mcdadehttps://www.instagram.com/mcdadebaby Watch Dan Soder's special ON THE ROAD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Lik3hSyhrY Follow Dan Soder on social media: https://www.dansoder.com/https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/https://twitter.com/DanSoderhttps://www.facebook.com/dan.soder/ Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!
Transcript
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Welcome everybody to Stavisworld 904 800 stop.
Call in, we'll solve your problems.
What a beautiful couch we have today.
Two of my favorite guys on the planet.
Comedy no comedy.
I love being with these two beefy boys.
Welcome to Rebound Central.
Let's go.
The front court is here.
Just scrapping.
What is this, Purdue in 98?
Boston Celtics, 86.
Ah, sharp elbows. Rebound.
We'd be a nice NBA street team, dude.
I'm the small, stocky point guard.
I'm throwing you guys.
Remember the original Nintendo ice hockey?
Where we were like the two tall, skinny's
and then you're just fucking whipping
slapshots.
Wayne Gretz, yeah 3d hockey
You're like you're like the one of the rappers who has like the coach of a team at the Rucker
Yeah, dude, yeah, I love it you went and scouted a fucking mid-major. Yeah, two big whites
Oh, yeah, they're spinning chain. Well you you delivered my milk one day and I was like, I'm sorry son
You ever played ball? I go, well not since father lost the farm.
I just sit outside and just shoot my three-pointers.
How'd you like to get an education at University of Alabama?
He said it was a game for homos.
He said don't get close to black sweat.
You're our Nick Nolte.
Hell, Ricky didn't even want it.
Goddamn tractor.
They're throwing away the greatest thing in your life.
I would love to. I would love to be a crooked NCAA coach.
You look like one.
Yeah, I could right now for sure.
Yeah, you got it.
Oh, yeah, dude. I look like I would be yeah let me bring back LA or Vegas let me be the new you're a summer
LV let me be the new Tarkeesian or whatever the fuck you look like at an
expensive seafood dinner you have a name like Drew Dravon
on your phone. And you go, I gotta take this.
This is a kid out of South Central.
You're like a son to me.
Yeah.
And you go, what's up, dog?
Listen, what, your mother's driving a broken down Accord?
How'd you like it to be Alexis?
Yeah.
Your daddy's not getting out for seven years.
Yeah, I fuck half the recruits' moms.
I have to move back to Greece.
There's too many ex-cons want to kill me.
A black lady with pink nails running her fingers in your
chest hair
Yeah, dude nothing like getting jerked off with a hand that has a nail longer than your hard
Phone rings you push her away out of the bed you pick up the phone
Deandre is committing to UCLA The phone rings you push her away out of the bed you pick up the phone Don't sign that as we go I'll talk to to people to condo. We'll get the condo this week
I will suck me. I gotta call my guys. I need to calm down
Worked for a guy like that for one weekend. He was like licensed by FIBA. He was like a sports agent
It was the most pathetic experience of my life
What was he doing?
Just on the phone greasing young men?
No, he was in person.
He ran this camp where he was like trying to get jobs playing ball overseas.
And he was like, yeah, you know, you get your tape on my website, I get 200,000 monthly
visitors.
It's like that's not accurate by four digits.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going to get you signed to the Afghan Bandit.
I don't want to move to Afghanistan.
Can you smuggle opium.
Are you pretty good with an AK 47?
Well, son, welcome to the Persian basketball league.
Listen, the situation is pretty fluid
on the ground, but you could be
playing starting power forward next
week.
I got boots on the ground down there
and they are saying that things have
cleared up.
You're playing for the Rafa All-Stars.
A deal's a deal, baby. A deal's a deal.
Oh, fuck, dude.
Yeah, I would love a cr-
That's so many beautiful ways my life could have gone.
That's a- I would love that job.
I'm a people person.
I like making a pitch.
Driving around East Baltimore just like,
hey, let's make a jump shot. Something about the squeaks tennis shoes makes my cock hard
I do love hoops that's true well look we could look the riffs are gonna flow like
wine on this episode but we should say our beautiful boy that sodas had a
great special out that's been out for a while on the road it's already a mass
1.8 I believe last time I checked.
It's so fucking funny.
Honestly, my favorite special has come out this year.
What?
45 minutes, just straight heat.
38, no filler, no preservative.
Yeah, dude.
I love it.
Farm to table, baby.
Yeah.
I don't know how to talk about myself up.
It's a cow.
So funny. Go watch it. experiment with self-esteem throughout
Yeah, what do you got Dan?
I told jokes. I didn't say ask a question. I said brag next one's gonna be better. That's a breakthrough. That's a breakthrough.
That's so funny, he's literally being honest now.
That's right.
It's so good, fuck you.
Great special, go watch it.
And our own beautiful boy here
at Stop Your Baby Enterprises, JPMcDade,
put it, is putting out a special this week,
July 17th.
JPMcDade in Brooklyn.
Yes.
We were there, The beautiful Bell House.
It's our first production.
Elders was on the ground. Elders was working cameras.
We got a Swiss Army knife over there. It was awesome.
It was great to see Benny Butchieck, the consigliere of Stubby Baby Enterprises.
He was on the monitor from L.A. working out shots.
We had Joey, who joined Malintzy, very talented Baltimore videographer,
shot the whole thing
He was hooked up like one of those got those like when they have the camera on the picture coming out of the bullpen that
Motion-smoothing great. Yeah, it was a high impact. It was beautiful rules
Did your show at the bell house and it flooded oh my god
And there and just not put me on last and I was like cool whatever they let me and I'm like
I'm five minutes into this set
Look down and water was coming through the door
It's the most comic thought I've ever had in my life. I went I can get one more in
The best is known for its quirks, right?
Cuz you had the flight and then in the second show
of my taping, the lights malfunctioned like seven
or eight times.
It was insane.
He's cooking.
He's fucking crushing, right?
And I was like, hell yeah.
We got, I'm lighting a victory cigar.
I'm like, we got it in the bag, baby.
And then the lights go down and they go down
and they come back up and I'm like, oh, that was weird.
Somebody must have hit a fucking button.
And then it happened like eight times now in the middle of his fucking set
We didn't know what the fuck to do. I was like free riffs, baby. Let's cook
Yeah, but it was fucking wild that that flood was hilarious though, too. That was fucking I mean people were trapped
Dude, that was wild Rosebud was on that show and she's like my uber says he's around the corner
I was like can I ride with you and she was like yeah we got out there the water was up to our knees and Rose she just opened
the door we jumped in and the guys like
and we drove it was fucking did you get out do we got a chopper out of Saigon
that was it I was hanging on the fucking end of that day. But there was, we saw a guy on the BQE that was going down with water going into his windows. That's fucking insane.
You need a rosebud in that situation. This is not a negotiation. We're getting out of here. You saw his user grandfather's granddaughter on that. Black People that'll send you back to whatever
She just pulls up her phone it's got drone footage of his grandparents
It's got drone footage of his grandparents
Look at this and like a bullet whizzes past his grandfather's ear and it's like you wanted to go closer
You want the phone with your grandfather tell him to look at the sheep that's in the fields right now. That was a patriot missile.
Pink mist.
Drive the fucking car.
What you don't know is that the USS Rhode Island is three miles off the coast right now.
With a pocket full of firecrackers.
That's awesome.
Rosemont just threatens people.
Oh, sorry Rosemont, we actually, we don't have the chicken for that salad in the green room.
She goes, oh, I'm sorry.
Do you drive the Toyota Corolla?
Oh, it looks like, it looks like you have four terabytes of child pornography on your,
on your computer right now.
That's so weird.
I mean, Chris, if you got rated, why do you have a gun?
The guy goes, I don't have, oh my God.
She has fixers. I
Got a picture of you at Epstein's Island right now
Yeah, dude that was your bell house the bell house the flood that was a fucking wild one because my buddy
He was like right before like in the middle and I felt like an asshole cuz I thought I was like I was putting you on last as a sign of respect
I was like no one's following Danny, Danny fat nuts.
And then it almost got you, you know,
stranded and go on as, but it was flooding so much.
People in Manhattan got hotels.
Like I knew people that had shows in Manhattan
that lived in Brooklyn and Queens
and went in on a hotel room together
because they could not leave the island.
And that's a moment where it's like,
we really are fucked if there's a natural disaster.
Oh, just a rainstorm that caught us by surprise.
Made you a refugee for the night.
Yeah. But can I say you had a sick ass Allen Iverson shirt on.
Thank you. Yeah, that was a great one.
From the Jadakiss commercial, that one.
No, this was a there's a guy from England
who just makes these cool, these fucking sick shirts.
That was a great one.
That was a great shirt.
Shout out to The Answer, Allen Iverson.
One of my favorites as a child.
One of my favorites.
The answer is top class in the UK.
Oh yeah.
I like nothing more than taking black people's culture.
Absolutely profiting off it.
I'm the one who taught Drake how to do cornrows.
Just British dudes super into black stuff.
Oh yeah.
Oh that shit's popping.
They've got to, I mean, you know,
British rap is definitely on the up and up.
It's the silliest sounding stuff I've ever heard in my life.
I love it though, dude.
That Central Sea song that we were listening to, ironically with Drake, was actually kind
of sick when we were on the road. Yeah. Kind of hard. We were listening to a lot of our
good buddy Sench. And Dave of course. There's a British rapper and his name is just Dave.
Dave's fun. Yeah. Don't you want to call yourself like something else? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was the song sprinter?
It's like I got a big one eight bitches in the Sprinter van or whatever. Yeah
There's a lot of headroom not a lot of seating yeah, yeah, well they're thin steering wheel on the right side of the spring cat
Well, they don't have big SUVs. They got sprinters. Yeah, you know, they're not over there
It's most real differences. Does does diesel smell better I like it nice fragrance like
popcorn oil yeah for stuff to puff yeah it's pretty yeah so we find out JP's
just deep into huffing haven't had a drink in nine and a half years
The guy here is the guy here from Home Depot? That's your plug yeah
We're running on the road. We're just running a golf cart that you're constantly like the eldest is
JP's mr. McDade's golf cart ready. I need him to open the second show
Every time we're in a new city. I'm looking for hobby shops
Big man cry long
My name's not cry long here, it's JP for airplane glue. That's my big man Krylon. What's up, Krylon? Yeah.
They call you, my name's not Krylon.
It's JP.
You know what I'm, Krylon?
I got silver for you now.
I'm just compulsively doing this.
I feel like, Dan, Greg, if I'm wrong,
it feels like you might've snuck a little huffing
into your routine as a child or something like that.
What?
That's how you think I got my voice.
This is pretty good.
Yeah.
Hey mom, what's for dinner?
I feel super lightheaded.
W Dan 40 was a menace.
Dan, I hear you.
Are you rattlesnaking? Shut up.
I'm playing the Maracas mom.
Wrestling's on.
I think. Okay. I need to stay in this chair. Hey, wait a minute. Markers mom Wrestling's on I
Think okay. I need to stay in this chair. Hey, wait a minute. Yeah, it's all empty
Yeah, I mean I remember doing trying a little uh, there was like that episode of what was it my weird addiction or whatever
Yeah, the the cleaner. Yeah, I've helped out against I was just in his podcast talked about he used to do
He used to like really abuse that get out
That's fucking hilarious Ian straight-up huffed but now he has a superpower we can clean any keyboard. What's your breath cold?
Alright Superman.
I use my powers for good now.
Oh and also black trans women like how it feels on their penis.
Blowing cold air into a...
Damn was that you a white boy? You make me feel like I got a dixical.
I stand for truth, justice, and the bisexual way.
Yeah.
Yeah, all right.
This Christ little white boy made my dick all cold.
Yeah.
I never, Huffing just always scared me a little bit.
Dude, this kid I went to high school with?
You remember Whippets?
I was just gonna transition to Whippets,
that's got you so thank you.
This dude Charles one time,
we were just like at this house party and he goes,
y'all ever done a Whippet with Freon?
And we're like, no!
This place got central air.
He goes, it's like a Whippet, but it goes for 30 minutes.
Oh! Horrible. Oh my God. air it's like a whippet but it goes for 30 minutes oh my god how the fuck you
can get you crack open a fridge you know an air conditioning unit pop it out I
love that about about drug guys when they make like their selling point
sounds terrible yeah you love it it's like sprinting a 5k in Arizona. You can pick every pore of your body
open. It's like you're underwater and you just found out the Russian mafia found
out that you betrayed them. Do you ever see like you were being smothered and you wanted more of it. No. You ever pull your Achilles really bad?
It's like that.
Yeah dude, that's how, that's how,
Whippets dabbled in, only did it a couple times.
I very fatly had a lot of the flat whipped cream.
You caught a Whippet by accident when you had a red Whip.
Cause my-
Dude that's funny, that is so funny,
that's him catching a stray.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's like, dude, all the nitrous is gone and you just ate the whipped cream.
I really did, dude.
I really did.
It was awesome.
Starburst is an example of what happens when whippets go wrong.
Yeah, dude, I would just be lapping up fucking flat cream.
You know, guys, am I doing it right?
I like whippets. Whippets are great. You just like sundaes. Yeah. I
Would be to our gateway drug to whipped cream
Yeah, it was awesome we had a friend a friend this basically we had a friend his little brother was like a fucking big
pill every everything real fucked up and he was just constantly doing whippets in
the corner I remember this was when the Orlando Magic played LeBron but Dwight
Howard Howard that no turkulu yeah who hit the game with the the one Orlando Magic played LeBron. The Dwight Howard Magic. The Dwight Howard.
Oh yeah, that was fun.
Fido Turkalu.
Yeah, who hit the game, who hit the one,
and that's when they, that's the only time
LeBron was gonna play Kobe.
Right.
And then the Magic hit some kind of crazy shot.
I think it was game seven.
Whatever, I was in that basement
with that kid doing Wibbitz,
and I was literally having flat cream as whoever hit that.
I remember that, it's one of my most vivid memories.
He was seeing the future from the Whippets.
He's like, Dwight Howard is gay.
Look into his past.
LeBron's gonna leave Cleveland but come back.
He's gonna get bad hair surgery in Turkey.
It's gonna be a real problem.
Dude, I don't know where he goes
but as someone that has hair tits LeBron's are messy
Like I got mine done in New York
You gotta get way better. It's crazy that LeBron would fuck he why how does Dean not have the best?
Like when you go in to get it, they tell you they like they either go like you got you got like
It's like you got a shot going
I mean I'm doing the bit right now on stage where I do call them hair tits
yeah like fake tits yeah sure but it's like not having enough room to have you
know when girls would get fake tits and you'd see like the important to the
ripple of the bag on that's like what LeBron did really like also look great
with a shaved head right I will not shave my head cuz I look like a white Sam Cassell yeah dude you would look kind of Amish dude I would look like an alien my
head is long dude I kind of want to see it no no no no that's why I wouldn't
got hair tits yeah I was like no no no no we're keeping that on but Lebron's
remember when he had the silk and he did he had like a toupee before he got the hair
surgery yeah like the Carlos bruiser adjacent type of thing
Really velvet one time it slipped off and he had to like adjust it. Oh my god, that's brutal
Yeah, if I if the hair tips wouldn't have worked I would I would never have gone to pay
I would have just worn it. That's fun. I think there's gonna be a toupee arrow of my life
I'm gonna I'm gonna try a lot of stuff out
I'm going I mean we're so close to a very nice bald pony right now. We got we pretty much got it
Yeah, I'd like a little more. I'd like a little more length on it. Yeah, but once I rock the ball bone
I'm gonna go exclusively pony for a while. Yeah, I'm gonna that's gonna be the big shift
That's maybe the next tour should be I should be only to where I should be
The Greek pony fuck we already have a lot of the branding done for the tour
We might have to scrap it all and start over it all out the window. Let's rent the Clydesdale
Do before you go stages goes
Yeah, drop all the lights just like it's like the Omar's whistle
like it's like the Omar's whistle anybody want to ride or even just ride it and I come out of my bwaa. And then I just come out, the lights go on, I'm oiled up.
I'm doing Magic Mike.
Looking for a partner.
Someone who knows how to write.
Without being far from home.
I bring a single mother on stage and I just fucking give her a lap dance.
How many kids you got? A muscle mommy.
Yeah, I do crowd work while giving a woman a lap dance. I just want to sit around. Yeah
You ever been divorced?
Lifts you overhead. Oh, that's the dream muscle mommies pumping. I still I still I'm still holding out
Hope Lord send me a muscle mommy. Oh
That would be beautiful dude fat guy jacked woman. That a fun combo you don't see that a
lot it's almost as fun as fat girl jack guy combo that you see though because I
feel like some jack guys want they would kill a petite woman if they really fucked
her full force they need someone with a little super me I would have had a fat
mommy Lois Lane's tiny ass Superman't handle it. Superman would have had like a black substitute teacher with one of those asses that came out like in a way that felt fake.
On a shelf like it goes up a little bit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well it looks as if Metropolis is safe.
Yeah.
And my boo just showed up.
She falls out of an airplane, he falls and catches her but like struggles a little bit.
Oh wait a minute
You remind me of the red sun of my home planet
Krypton we have a word for you people. It's delectable. It's BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E That's so funny. Have you found Kryptonians were like super super racist absolutely only against Guatemalans. Yeah
Yeah, I mean it is funny because in comics is like they can't fathom black people like aliens
Yeah, every aliens white or green you know what I mean? They can't be like well. Yeah, they might have some Chinese
They probably have some excuse like actually the color brown was more expensive to print in
Yeah, no jack-guy-fat-girl, I feel like you see every once in a while to print in yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah When ESPN used to not have shit but that on. Sure, I remember. I used to watch that. Yeah, on ESPN too.
I want to find the clips of,
do you remember when the wives would yell at the strongmen?
When they'd be like,
Keep going!
And he's just like, holding a giant boulder.
Some Polish woman like, coward, pussy, pussy, lift it!
They like, scream at them.
They're like, you motherfucker!
And they're like, eh, eh!
It's the world's strongest men. You're never gonna find it elders pull up. You know fuck this
You don't have the media skill of the search skills that Dan does
Pull up the the guy who's the mountain his wife
Thor Thor Bjornsson is that what is that his name? Yeah, pretty sure the mountain
Game of Thrones yeah yeah. Damn.
Look at that, dude.
Yours are like a condom.
I mean, that lady is small.
She's probably like 5'8".
He's like what, 6'9"?
Yeah, that's true, that's true.
Used to be a basketball player.
I mean, that's.
He's a big dog.
He's a fucking, I mean, that's.
That's wild.
She got that tattoo on her arm.
What you know, she's into pain.
Oh yeah, oh yeah.
I mean, Shaq was with, you know,
there's that picture of Shaq with hoops, of course.
And then Sherry O'Neal, the mother of his children,
she was pretty small.
Which may have-
Wait, hoops from Fight for Life?
Shaq fucked her.
You haven't seen that picture?
Oh, it's a legendary picture.
But the mountain probably doesn't.
You probably just deltoid extensions with her.
Shaq Hoops, oh she's so,
I mean I used to beat off the hoops all the time
She's right there. It's right there
Yes
Yeah, I definitely jacked off the hoops the most he's the biggest person I've ever encountered
God like if he wants to leave a conversation. He just stands up straight
Look at that. That's insane.
To pick your back rides must be so fun though.
Oh yeah. Did you guys do any beating off to Flavor of Love?
Yeah, Hoops was top tier.
Hoops was number one right?
I even called one for New York in a weird face.
Early New York. Actually you know what?
Early and then back when she had the hilariously huge tits yeah that was awesome
Yeah, that was the peak era of trash TV for like middle school beating off yeah
And the music videos and the girl that pooped in the house of course
Oh, then there was that bitch that Mike that oh yeah, I'd seen a different one who had been on a different reality TV show
She was on like fuck
What was that? It was like was a blind date or like blind date rule. I think it was blind date
It was like on UPN. Yeah, I didn't just put them together and it was like Roger Lodge. Yes
Yeah, so there was one of them had huge tits and she was on blind date and she also was in pornography
So I had jacked off to her a couple times
Yeah, there was one called. Do you remember the one that was on the cruise ship where they go on a date on a cruise?
Yeah, dude. It was horrible, but I love that like rock of love at sea or something like knows before rock love
This is like it was in the blind date era
Yeah, this was very it was right when I was able to really push one out. Yeah
Oh, yeah, yeah
We were all very lucky these kids will never know what it's like to have to jack off to just regular TV
And you could do some of that and that relates to the ESP
Program it's like the ESPN to program and came in huge to be the last
Button on the remote like during the day was world's strongest man at night. It was World Series of poker
Mornings it was that workout Jay Jay and I watched it, the Kiara, whatever her name is, she was in Playboy.
Like on the beach?
Yeah.
Oh, really?
My stepdad used to watch that to get chubbed up.
It was wild.
I forget what her name is.
You're not gonna find it, it's alright.
Yeah, if you do beach workout, I forget what her name is on ESPN, but she was in fucking
Playboy and you was like, I don't think Chiara is her name. I might be wrong also
Oh, yeah
You want a rush boy at that time to find out that some hot girl from the TV did playboy or like right?
You had to find out this like through some miracle
Yeah, and then you would like plan a time to be able to search it
I remember peak for me because I'm a little older than you guys Jenny McCarthy
Did playboy when she was doing singled out? Yeah
Oh, see that's easy cuz I you're right cuz I always existed in a world where I could see Jenny McCarthy
I remember shout out James Goss
He was a year older and his dad had playboy and he secured the bag
Respect and then we all went over there and looked at it in a group
Yeah, then everyone's like I'm gonna go home
Got a couple meetings
About school well, there a moment no
Good group jerk. Okay. What was there a moment? Like when you find out found out that she was gonna be employed boy
Were you like strategize with your friends? Oh, yeah, it was like we need a plan to acquire this asset
I think we put in more thought to that than the American government did into Iraq
Once it's secured
We'll meet up at James's house
He'll off one by one. It was awesome man when you found out when one of your
friends dads had either porn or nudie mags. We have intelligence that Jenny McCarthy
is gonna be showing tits. Full tits. It was awesome. That might be the best playboy reveal of my life
just how it timed out. Shannon Elizabeth actually was perfect. Massive. Because, oh yeah
I mean I guess you saw her tits in American Pie
Yeah, that didn't matter you wanted more you wanted more. I was a hungry little dog. Oh boy
Did I jack off to that quite a bit?
She knows what you have to do now. Let's find out
Do you guys think she's an anti-vaction? I hope she got out safe. Good call. She seems like she'd be into something weird
I don't know. Oh professional poker player. Oh, man. I still looking good. Oh
It was like her and Jessica Alba yes, yes
But she but yeah, you can see her tits in real life unlike Jessica. Oh, no, she's married to who?
Let's find them and fuck him up. Dude divorced. Oh five. Oh
No, she's now she's made some guy named Simon Boshert.
Boshert.
No way.
Oh no.
Oh, he's coming.
Oh yeah, he's a hottie.
He's all right.
Yeah, fuck.
Damn, I guess I can't fuck Shannon Elizabeth.
They got a good life.
Oh, stop, it's all right.
No. Dude, when I first met. I'm in a bad mood now.
When I first met Shane, he would come around and talk about this.
Like when we'd be on the road, he'd talk about this Instagram model named Sierra Sky.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I texted him out of the blue. I was on the road and just like, I had a eureka moment.
And I texted him, I was like, you could probably bank Sierra Sky now.
Wow. Ooh.
I was like, Shane, get after sky now Wow Oh I was like Shane get after it has he tried no
But he really does have a Fox News penis that man loves a blonde bitch
With our when our friends get famous enough you're kind of like like Amy and Shannon Elizabeth
If she was single I would 100% try and fuck Shannon Elizabeth that would be awesome. That would be so random if you go, do you know who Stavi stated?
You know the naked girl from American Pie?
You go, what?
That would be a dream come true.
Even if I told Katie that, I go, you know who I just hung out with?
Stavros and Shannon Elizabeth.
I was just getting burgers with Shannon Elizabeth and Stav.
She's just there.
She's like in this apartment.
She goes, hi Shannon.
You have that moment where you go, hi.
So is she like recording the next episode or is it, oh no, no, no.
She goes, ah, we came down from Baltimore.
We're decorating the house.
It's just like a whole thing. Oh no, she goes, ah, we came down from Baltimore. Yeah. We're decorating the house.
So it's just like a whole thing.
Well, I'm decorating the house.
You're helping.
I'm like not letting her.
It's true.
It's her project.
You guys are actually getting into it like a couple?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't say that.
I didn't say it like that.
No, for the last time, it's my house.
It's both our fucking house.
Dude, that's so funny.
You're leaving and you're like.
I think you like Tara Reid.
Tara Reid might be like, I don't know, you know.
It's like, it's like.
That's so funny.
Tara Reid, you know, she had that thing
where her titty popped out.
She kind of went through the ringer there.
Yeah, I mean listen.
That's why I think little bargain bin.
Yeah.
Nah, I can't, I can't do it.
I'm holding out for Shannon getting divorced Shannon Lizzie
Terry was an American pie too, wasn't she?
Just feel like she was yes
Here's the girlfriend of Betty the jet Rodriguez. That's right. That's right. That's right, man that guy
Never nothing happened after after that after American pie. Are you talking about it to, you know, he had Sandlot and American pie
It's better than the most. Yeah was he was a was he rookie of the year to yes
No, he looked like a major league
No, no, it was really a little big league. I'm thinking of is this
Benny the jet Rodriguez was not
Little big league or rookie of the year
Dude, you're I think rookie of the year was the one in in American Pie actually. No, I think it was this guy
That's not the guy from American Pie, yeah I think you're right. Yeah, yeah, he was a you yeah rookie of the year my boy now was a great movie
That's a classic
It's on VHS at your doctor's waiting room movie. Yes. I saw that and shout out to dr. Salihi
I think he's still with us the I think you're right. I think Tom it check Thomas Ian Nichols
Crazy Gary Busey
What's he an American? Yeah, he was yeah, I was wrong
Yeah, what's the American but yeah, yeah, I was wrong
Yeah, damn rookie of the year and American pie is a big get and he was in rules of attraction good movie Yeah, Halloween resurrection guys doing all right. I don't think so man
I don't think it worked out the way he wanted to and he was a handsome guy too. Look he's looking rough these days
He's two years older than me. That's nuts
Mmm, Shannon Elizabeth
Seven years older looks so much better than this guy. Ah
Mm-hmm. Shannon Elizabeth seven years older looks so much better than this guy
Ah, I literally I waited for that chapter of your life. I'm pissed off. I can't date you know Elizabeth happily married
If she was divorced, I would I'm not even joking start planning on how to try you probably reach out through you. Ta
I have a I have a project that I'm working on. I just start taking my buttons off.
She goes, this doesn't work like it used to.
Yeah.
Oh, look at that.
I set up a webcam in the corner of the room.
Just like old times.
You're playing Blink-182.
Tisdananans.
Oh man.
Yeah, I feel bad.
I guess this is getting old.
I guess this is getting sucked off.
Mow, mow, mow, mow, mow.
That's gonna make me laugh later
just thinking about walking in the apartment
and being like, hey, Stavvy, hi, I'm Dan.
He's in the shower like,
yeah, no, Stav will be out in a minute.
And you go, oh, Stav said to give you guys
some liquid deaths.
Yeah.
Are you?
He's told me all about you.
It is.
Are you?
I'm sorry, this is crazy.
You look like Shannon or Lizzie.
Dude, that happened to me,
this happened to me years ago at Eastville,
when it was still at the West,
or at the East Forrest,
4th Street and 2nd Avenue.
And I was hanging out with Chris Tinkle,
comic that lives in LA now,
but he was hanging out and we were like drinking
and this girl was around and you guys are too young for this,
but there was a real world Seattle.
There was this black dude, Steven,
and then the girl's name I forget,
but she slapped Steven in the face.
Look up real world Seattle.
Eileen, I think her name was Eileen, up real world Seattle. Yeah, I lean I think her name was Eileen and
Real world Seattle and we're like drinking and hanging out at the bar or whatever
Irene Irene we're like hanging out and I just go whatever Irene from real world and she goes, that's me
She was like hanging out at the bar with that's I was like, you're Irene from the real world?
And she's like, yeah.
I was like, you got Lyme's disease or something?
She goes, yeah.
You knew facts about it.
She was like, because that was like one of the last seasons I really watched the real
world.
Wait, Irene McGee who went to Georgetown University?
Yeah, but I go, what are you going to slap Steven Irene?
And she goes, that is me. That is me. I did do that. I got what are you gonna slap Steven Irene and she goes that is me. That is me I did
do that. I had that twice drunk. My buddy and I were at a bar on 79th Street near Stand Up New York
called like the Dubliner or like the Dublin house. It's the Dublin house. And we were outside smoking
a cigarette and this guy was talking to two girls and I was like, he asked to bum a cigarette.
I was like, whatever Mark Cuban, you are Mark Cuban.
He was Mark Cuban?
No, no, no, no, he's like trying to deny it
and my buddy was like, you are Mark Cuban
and then when he's leaving he's like, I'm Mark Cuban.
That's hilarious.
We were fucking crazy.
Shark Tank, here's your idea.
I was like, man.
Give me $400 to buy pussy.
Come on, Mark.
I gave him the idea for Squatty Potty's right then and there.
You a big Squatty Potty guy, man?
Oh my god.
I have a travel Squatty Potty.
We gotta go bidet too, though.
All right, shout out to.
Yep.
Well, you know, they haven't renewed, so bleep that out.
But if you listen to the Soda Podcast,
it smells like too much. Yeah, it's great. The bidet is a game changer. Big bidet guy. Wow. Between the Squire
Pie and the bidet, you got some real nice... I can get my butt sucked, dude. Yeah, dude.
That's awesome. You need to go next level, dude. Get that Japanese shit.
Different settings, pulsating. You just create a whole ass sauna
You need to get a NASA tube
That sounds pretty fucking awesome yeah, dude, I got you you don't shit like a young man, man. You were talking, that's a bit you're doing on your special
too, but you know, it is harder to shit.
Taking a dump is harder.
It's hard, man.
It's hard.
You gotta get fiber in your diet.
Taking a break from weed, I'm not as regular.
Weed helps you shit.
I think it, I.
Weed was providing fiber all these years.
Yeah, you were eating it.
I was high on fiber. How's it been, cause it's insane to me I think weed was providing fiber all these years
How's it been because it's insane to me that you are not smoking weed you were a guy that I can't you know You should just come in here and fucking take wax on my one as we were talking. Yeah
I mean, I'm gonna be back. How many months this episode comes out? I'll be back
How many months was it been two and a half two and a half?
Two half months you ever considered keeping it rolling or no. Well, I took a
On Memorial Day weekend. I was like just home for the weekend
Mm-hmm smoke. Yeah, and Katie's like smoke a little bit and I took like I did it like three times
I would take like one or two hits and then I was like you're like
What's your pierce Brosnan James Bond? Oh, yeah
We watch that we got high watch that we got high watch that Jennifer Lopez Atlas movie. Oh, yeah
It's nothing better than getting high watching bad movies. I love it, dude. I'm telling stuff I'm going sober right now and it's I and the elders was asking me about this to we were taught
We've been having conversations like don't you feel so much better. It's like I want to smoke weed every day
I was like I wake every night when I'm just chilling I'm throw a movie on or I'm watching hoops
Let me smoke. I'm excited for the second of June. That's why I get home from Columbus and that's when it's fucking on time to legalize
I'm gonna get super new it like I'm in high school
Yeah, no, I'm excited to like come back and then fully loaded to her I'll be smoking.
Oh yeah, you'll be chief and brother.
So you had, do you ever think you'll ever go, you think you'll cycle on and off or you think you're back?
I'll probably do that. I like that. I like taking like two months off. It was fun.
This Katie, is she a big, is she smooth?
She smokes, plays video games.
Oh, respect.
So she was like, we'll play rocket league and then she like disappear come back
All like that's fucking awesome. That's awesome. Yeah, she's like my reaction times too fast. I got a level the plane
Giving you five aside
With rocket league it's like, you get different shots.
You get in the zone, yeah.
You get artistic with it.
You're like, oh, come off the wall,
and then you miss.
Oh, the geometry of this game is crazy.
Dude, I don't know what it says,
but I mean, at the times I have the most wanted to be
in a stable long-term relationship,
is you describing getting high in video games with your girl,
and Elders being talking about getting high
and watching movies with his wife,
and I'm like, whoa, you could do that with the person you love and not just your friends
And that's literally the same way laughing so hard at that movie Atlas Jennifer Lopez
Because she just gets thrown in this machine and she's like
They like centered at this planet and Katie was acting out how she would just pass out if that was her
Making me fucking cry laughs
Get in the riff zone with a with your beloved that sounds great man Oh, it's also that's how you get inside jokes mm Mm-hmm cuz then you're like, oh, that's fun. Yeah
Yeah, that is nice man. You ever get fucked up with your bitch, J.P.
You know, I'm a non drinking non smoking boy mostly but we I you know, I dabble in mushrooms and I had my first like nervous
Mushroom experience recently cuz I was doing it with her and it was like her first time
Oh first time ever and the whole time
I'm thinking like is she having a good time? Yeah, whether or not right right cold. Is this the right movie? No, Harry Potter's too scary
We gotta put
Children singing something wicked this way come you can't have interesting light and fluffy
No, I gotta put on I gotta put on a video of the Redwood forest right now. This is good
Yeah, I remember we were doing then we were all doing fucking mushrooms to celebrate the special JP Elvis
We were all there. We rented a house and we're just on a pool. We're fucked up
We're having a barbecue literally one of the best days of my life
Yeah, and we like JP had just disappeared and we walked inside
He was he had cranked the AC up as high as it goes. He was watching videos of Ireland
Drone
Irish music is like
and it had like Irish music, it was like, it was like, no one will believe us if this is what JP does.
Look at those cliffs.
The cliffs of Dover.
Of Carson.
JP, you're fucking losing your mind.
That was so fucking beautiful.
I laughed so long.
Yeah, I'll click kiss my Blarney Stone.
He walked, there was like a park by the,
by the place we were staying.
He walked, dunked a little ball through the thing
and came back.
Had to throw one down.
Dude, I love it.
He was on my screen, he was like,
I have to dunk.
Body, munch, dunk.
And I have to watch videos of Ireland.
Damn, dude.
You just become your true self.
That is pretty sick though.
These videos rule. Yeah, this is good stuff. I'm gonna get very high and put this on on Sunday. Highly recommend. That is pretty sick though. These videos rule.
Yeah, this is good stuff.
I'm gonna get very high and put this on on Sunday.
This is good stuff.
This is good stuff.
With calming music?
Yes.
Yeah, I'll just take this out.
You're disrupting the podcast guests.
A nice eight hours.
Ability to fucking, fuck, I had a,
I had some kind of psychedelic story
until I remembered JP's hilarious watching videos.
I haven't done mushrooms in a while. I'm due. I'm due for a you for a big trip I think Ari Shafir and I are gonna get a house
and then have Becky own come with us yeah yeah yeah yeah fuck yeah thank you
on hasn't done it never that would yeah it'd be fun to have him around just like
not like not do them and just think
you have a cop in the house.
He's like, what are you guys doing?
He's shining a flashlight.
Our pupils are just shot.
Mike, are you mad?
Can I see your ID?
Don't try to single leg shoot on us.
He just whispers cryptic stuff into a walkie talkie
while you guys are doing it.
Yeah. It's like, we got it. The big one's down. We got two bogeys. He just he just whispers cryptic stuff into a walkie-talkie while you guys are just like
We've got two bogeys we've got two bogeys in the living room right now
What if he just fucking does like adults and he's like I've wasted my whole life
And he does like enroll into the police academy he just becomes who he looks like he should I don't want to do tight jokes anymore
I want to do long rambling stories
Or you just like I'm gonna do voices. I don't, whatever grows his hair or grows a beard. That'd be sick, dude
Loses a tunnel stops working out because it was fucking India Beatles era
Shane Moss do like psychedelic tour crazy how long his beard is
Yeah, I'm Italian so my beard grows really fast
Just three days.
It's down to my navel.
Yeah, dude.
Did you know that we're all one energy?
I'm trying to remember, fuck, whatever, who gives a fuck.
I feel like I was really scared one time on drugs, but...
Didn't you accidentally do like way more than you thought?
Yeah, but that wasn't, that was, you know when when you have something in your brain. You can't scratch it
I mean one time I took I thought was an eighth which was still a lot
Yeah, but I took a quarter cheese. I did the math wrong
It was when I had fucked my foot up. Yeah, it was I don't know how I fucked it up
And I was heroic doses five grams. Yeah, I'm telling you that's the the Cormac MacArthur. What is it? Terrence McKinnon?
Yeah, I I literally shut was living here at the time and
Our remember our fucking sound bar just wouldn't work sometimes and I was too high to fix it
Oh, no, I was watching Thor rag in the rock
This is when I hurt my foot and I what I had found was I had we were we used a PlayStation 2 at the time
So I plugged
headphones into the PlayStation controller and I was holding it and I
was like ah and then and then shot came in he's like what the fuck's going on I
was like oh Ryan can you get me a Gatorade please?
The antidote!
Please get me a Gator rain and some Doritos.
That's so funny.
You reached for the cure of just bodega snacks.
Well, cause my foot was fucked up so I couldn't,
like I, and I like, I was just on the couch
and I couldn't move and I was like,
oh, I was too, I was too on drugs to figure out
how to maneuver.
Like I think I was using an office chair
It was like it had just happened and I thought it was gonna get better
Yeah, we know I'd torn like a fucking something in the my foot Chris Hemsworth is talking you through this really like star gross
Yeah, I need your help for a mission dude. I literally was I was seeing like things in two
Dimension like I was seeing flat like I was thinking of myself as a two-dimensional world just look like the sphere
It was like my I'm not even kidding
I was I was seeing myself as a black and white entity that was like getting
Smashed by Josh it was gonna smash by a giant hammer, and I was flat and I was just like disappearing
You know that like where it's like a helix and you kind of disappear into shit when my coyote gets flattened
He like floats to the ground. It's not even that it and you kind of disappear into shit when Wiley Coyote gets flattened and he like floats to the ground
It's not even that it felt almost it felt more like like Fantasia or like or in Superman where he puts Zod in that like yes
Yes
Kind of like that. Yeah for real, but not even because it was like it was like, you know in a Super Smash Brothers
Does that want there's the there is the 2d character? I don't remember what the fuck. He's called. Mr. Something
eldest we've really we've really There's the there is the 2d character. I don't remember what the fuck. He's called mr. Something eldest
We've really we've really uh, yeah, well you really got to Google on not Mario Kart fucking Smash Brothers Super Smash Brothers
Samus no no no you're not gonna figure it out. It's fine. Whatever
But anyway, it was it was fucked up. It was very fucked up
I was way too high, but it wasn't even a bad trip
But yeah, I don't know I couldn't remember I can't remember what it was
But voices from beyond being like the Albanians are the rightful heirs to the
Never that never
Did you feel when you came out of it though? I felt awesome dude.
I felt like, I really had felt like
I had not
learned anything from that trip
but that I had experienced
like I felt new and fresh.
Yeah, it's like
it's Wizard of Oz.
You were all there.
All this you were there.
And there was Gatorade and the Beatles
and I was a 2D character.
Yeah, dude.
It was crazy.
It felt like a roller coaster ride
of like I didn't feel in control of my mind
and I was hoping I would just come back.
Yeah, dude.
And it was awesome.
I was on some sub Reddit where a woman was like,
I did too many drugs and was in psychosis for like 10 years.
Holy shit. She was like and now now I'm back
It was AMA. It was read it asked me anything and this one was like I lost my mind and I'm back now
Ask me anything. Holy shit. What did you do?
I think it was either acid or something and she was like I snapped and I kept thinking I was in a dream
So I kept showering and like doing all this stuff and it lasted like years
that's crazy, she's like then I finally cameering and like doing all this stuff and it lasted like years. That's crazy
She's like then I finally came back and you're like damn to come back and be like
What was I doing how did the midterm elections go
Sit down sister, I knew a guy who claims that happened to him.
He was like, you had his trip for two years.
No.
And he's like, he failed all his classes.
We were in college when this happened.
And like he was failing all his classes.
He was already on probation.
So like he had this paperwork that said he was failing.
He was gonna get kicked out of school.
But he just like went to Kinko's and got in the zone
and like faked all the paperwork like masterfully
to make
it say that he passed and he like stayed in school.
What?
It's a nice catch me if you can.
How does that even?
Druggie forgery.
To who?
What does he forge?
They go back and go this is all just nothing and crayon.
Yeah it's a clearly whited out and ballpoint pen.
But he's all high so he he's like, this is genius.
Yeah. And they're like,
of Godzilla's with a boner.
Did you think this was going to trick us?
Let him walk at graduation. Who cares?
There was this guy I read, I read a sub Reddit of like, um,
one of the psychedelics was, I think it was LSD and like the top one is like
these guys who were in Brooklyn, they were hanging out.
They did a lot of acid like at night and into the morning
They were on a rooftop in downtown Brooklyn having a great time with each other
They were friends like from college whatever have a great trip and then they're on the roof of their building and 9-eleven happens
Look at that plane that's flying. Oh, fuck dude. Oh that's crazy
That was really in the morning yeah yeah yeah yeah oh yeah that's true maybe this guy
was America's a superpower oh yeah if only if only America would feel some
modicum of justice for how they treat the third world?
No, I did it I did it
Yeah, it's cool thing about the towers is you always know where you're going with the town
Yeah that idea of watching that fucked up. Oh my god perfect crystal clarity
Yeah, that's like yeah, and then you could be good probably it was probably annoying because they probably heard all the Muslims celebrating in Brooklyn
The Donald Trump saw where they were all that's my favorite
Those are my two favorite I was on acid on the rooftop in those are my two favorite having a party
Well, I love the
the two awesome racist on both sides thing is the Arabs were going like and celebrating in New Jersey from
across the water and that and this is my favorite I've said this multiple times
but so many Greek people told we would hear this they're like you know every Jew that worked at the World
Trade Center called out sick that day really every Jew called out of the World Trade Center
I don't know if you noticed but they all called out. It's a very holiday.
That was awesome. I would say that like it was like fact.
It's like, oh, you've got a paper trail on this, Demetrios?
Yeah, yeah.
Have you seen the record?
They all say, no, I'm sick.
I'm sick.
I'm not coming.
Who do you think did it?
It's simple.
Very simple.
Yeah, dude, I love this shit.
It would be great if the real conspiracy was that Jews and Arabs have always got along
and they've just
We both hate pork it was
What's the one link
Pigs has been behind it the whole time. What do you think we've been every Friday night and Saturday?
Yeah, man pig is delicious I
mean there I feel bad because they're smart but they say it's a dirty animal
which can't be any dirtier than it than fucking cows cows cows probably cows
seems like more noble honestly I'm kind of with the Hindus on that one the cow
is a noble beast but it is so delicious it's so good oh my god what I'm not gonna eat steak and they're not as smart. I feel like pigs everyone says they're like nothing going on
Yeah, I'll just stand there and if you wonder the first guy that killed a cow if they're like well the cows stupid
We're not gonna kill it. He's like I don't know. It just looks good
Tasty dude, but I the pit yeah, I don't know I feel bad
But everyone says pigs are like dog level intelligence that you could like teach a pig
And they're like kind of cute when you clean them up. Yeah, like they make okay, I know sorry, man
Yeah, I know pork belly so good. So good. If you don't have to do the dirty work
Yeah, you don't have to slaughter the pig. Yeah, but if you do you're like, sorry and the pigs like come on, man
Yeah, I was trying that for a little bit where I was saying I'm not gonna eat an animal unless I would feel comfortable
Killing it myself like chickens no problem
People that publicly FaceTime
Publicly FaceTime just have it down and like talking. Oh, yeah, I always like to get over people's shoulders when they're doing it
Yeah, I'm like walking behind yeah. I always like to get over people's shoulders when they're doing it.
If I'm like walking behind them, I'm like.
And they're like,
cause they're just walking with their earbuds
and they're like, I know, it's insane.
Yeah, why aren't you just talking on the phone?
Just call them.
Call them.
Put it in your pocket, you fucking bitch.
That's what I say.
I'm a old fashioned phone guy.
Those are chicken heads, dude.
Yeah dude. Bark bark. Chickens are the speakerphone of the animal kingdom. Yeah, I don't fuck with chickens
I'm glad I can I can't wait until I kill it. Let me catch a turkey. Oh, I don't fuck with turkeys
I also don't find them that delicious though to be on what ugly beasts
You guys like turkeys kind of overrated. It's all right. It's all right
He's pretty like white meat. I'm ready. You like white meat turkey the gravy on a bitch. It's gravy or what? Yeah
It's a bed. I love it on a fucking Sammy. Oh
Okay, white bread with some fucking mayo, okay?
Yeah, turkey kill Basso, so you feel like you're not eating unhealthy food. It's a nice little psycho
You know what I do have turkey
I have turkey versions of delicious pig. So I'm a nap boy dude. Hit me with that tryptophan
The fentanyl okay respect. Yeah, it's meat fentanyl. Yeah respect respect. I don't know
I just feel like turkeys one of the most overrated not bad time
But if I think about how rank it in meat can't do it Oh, turkey's not a top three meat. It's not even
It's a filler meat. Yeah, I mean if we're going just meats beef
Newmark beef pork chick even chicken is better than turkey. Yeah beef pork a fatty fish
Like including fish in the yeah everything like right where does turkey come? It might be the bottom meat
It's way behind salmon way by
Discussion it might be the last meat. What are you putting over? What are you putting over dog? Yeah?
All right
I think you're also putting it over
bugs
Bug meat bugs
Rabbit is pretty good rat meat, you know, it sucks
Venison is not good. Venison's not good. Yeah, that's a little tough
I put turkey over bison bison is like you get a shitty burger. You get the bison burger
I can't I can't I can't go with you there, but at least you found something you could make it
Yeah, but turkey I'll rep turkey dude. Hmm. Well, you know, hopefully there's some meat discussion
and meat questions here, Elders.
And if not, you know,
I have something for our beautiful panel
to help them with.
Spirit of meat to be. We've got two experts.
We've got a man briefly, you know,
we've got a man who's paused a 16 year relationship
with marijuana for two months.
Is it longer than 16 years?
How many years? Oh dude, I I did the math it's been a
26 years 26 years of smoking every day. Yeah
I mean, there's no
There's no athlete in the team sport with a 26 year career. That's true. You're that makes him Duncan plus five
Yeah, that makes I just I just did to get my my knee scoped. I'm coming back
They that makes I just I just did to get my knee scoped. I'm coming back
That's fucking beautiful dude, yeah, this is you playing baseball you're in the minor leagues right now
For all the players in the club. All these young American dudes are like, he told me so much.
Sorry. He hit the whole road to opposite field.
Gringo, gringo local, man.
Fucking knows, bro. Well, when you're smoking weed again, we got to have you back for Kush, brothers.
Yes. Oh, yes.
That's where we go over the news of the day.
High as shit.
Oh, we solve the problems of the world.
Dude, I'll be back.
I'll be smoking fucking big old doink out in Amish country. Highest shit
RIP go watch on the road watch of course JP is JP big day in Brooklyn July 17th
Share it. Do you know tell all your friends about it? This is eldest's first legitimate producers credit. I believe right isn't that right eldest. Oh, yeah, I don't even know what credit
I have no any in producers. No, no he was on my own literally on my network special
We credit held this is the production Albanian
on Netflix it says
production Albanian
So proud there's probably like a bench named after
I'm like, I'm DB.
You're so proud. There's probably like a bench named after
goes back to Albania.
We saw what you did.
I was, by the way, late to the
he would took Adderall.
That's another fun, fun story.
We were all getting ready the day of the special
eldest who was theoretically the road manager
and a producer on the special. He takes Adderall and is late. He's like, hey, can you guys go? I think I'm gonna have to meet you there.
He just came to the fucking special.
I was still early, whatever.
No, you were not. Stop.
Come on, man. Second day of production.
Everything was well underway.
It was under control.
It's already going. The biggest thing of our lives.
The biggest thing that was like,
anyway, whatever, hilarious.
We're trying to track you down
like James Brown before a tourist.
It's like, it's the only,
it's the only organization where
the artist is the one who's like,
making sure his tour manager is on time.
Where are you?
It's like, hey man.
Fucking snorting rails of Adderall.
Maybe I did need to watch all of Captain Phillips that afternoon.
Just hyper-focused.
Yes.
It's an allegory for crony capitalism.
He goes, no, I wrote a sequel while I was watching it.
I got it.
It's a three hour.
I flushed it out.
Oh, fuck.
What a beautiful organization we have here.
And this organization stakes, is investing big time in this man right here, JP McDade.
So watch this special.
We're putting it on my channel.
It's available on my channel.
July 17th.
Go check it out. Tell your friends
Let's let's fuck it be some advice. Huh?
LD hello star of eldest guest fifth time to charm knock and fuck it up. I
Am sober as of September. So I'm calling now at late April which means I'm a little over seven months over
from alcohol I still smoke weed and occasionally will do left rooms and whatnot.
But the substance abuse, like really just like the alcohol was a problem.
Like I've taken breaks off weed like a month or two on breaks.
And yeah, it's a little hard to start, but that's like, it's fine.
And I just kind of casually smoke like once or twice a week now
and
anyways, my current issue is with my girlfriend and is
uncomfortable with
Be doing mushrooms more than once every six months. I've been saying and
I've started kind of doing them about
once or so a month and or she has a major issue with it because she is quote unquote
not a direct person, which is like cool.
Like I'm not asking her to do it.
I'm not forcing her on her.
I'm not taking like a crazy amount of mushrooms.
You hear his voice like she's wrong.
I mean, which is like fine or whatever. But like I don't have a fucking gun in your head making you take mushrooms
You're sorry Wednesdays or trip days. I mean his fucking attitude is so funny and he says he's a problem drinker
It's like do you think maybe you're start as the mushroom you ticked up since you stopped drinking
Yeah, she may be making a good point. But anyway, let's let's just hear him out. I guess
doing like
Who would have grams like on my top end?
and
With mushrooms, it's like one of those things for me where I really only want to do them like once a month
Because mushrooms are like it's like psychedelics are one of those things that like you do them and I don't really want to do them again
For a while. Anyway, she keeps conflating them to like mushrooms, to like opioids and cocaine and
like methamphetamines.
And whenever we have like a discussion, she's like, oh, I'm really worried about you doing
it because I'm worried what this is going to lead to.
And I'm like, I just don't know how to like tell her that.
Like yeah, I understand the alcohol was an issue in the past, but all of my other like
Me doing mushrooms. I don't much control about a dozen times. It's about 17 24 now
Okay, and I've done acid half a dozen times
So up until now you've done them a dozen times in seven years
But now you want to do them a dozen times in one year
Do you think maybe she's got a fucking point? man, it's the hardest part about relationships is you
You want to double down and be right? Yeah, sometimes you go away and you go fuck
There's nothing worse than taking a
Solified like a solidified L
Record you go fuck. yeah, no, whatever man.
I had that recently where we just got into a fight
about something stupid, like I didn't know the name
of a bagel place.
And she's like, I've told you it like a thousand times.
I was like, it doesn't matter, you should just help me out.
Figure out what it is.
And she was like, you're being ridiculous.
And then like an hour later, I walked in the room and I was like,'re being ridiculous and then like an hour later I walked in the
room and I was like yeah you're absolutely right yeah that's like when you just roofed
the football It was one hand touch and now you want to change you know what?
Fucking snitch, okay, I guess you're gonna call it illegal defense next time she actually did a funnier thing though She found out what the bagel we ordered the bagel place, and then she bought a t-shirt from the web
Not gonna turn down a great tee.
And I'm not going to lie, it's a great tee.
And then I was going like, oh, that's what it's called.
But a symbol of your defeat.
It's crazy.
No other, in no other loss do you have to wear the other team's championship.
Literally have to wear it.
I love it.
It's a good shirt.
It's white like.
And very funny that she did it.
Very funny. It's white like. Because we were still in the funny that she did it. Very funny. It's white leg.
Because we were still in the fight when she ordered it.
Really funny.
She's like, you know what, I'm doing rush delivery.
She can see the future.
Yeah.
That's awesome.
Also, she knew, like, this guy's girlfriend's right.
Yeah.
She's basically just being like, hey, maybe calm down.
You're like trying to quit weed,
you're trying to quit alcohol.
You're supplementing it by doing mushrooms.
Well, for sure. Let's, You got a little more I think.
But yeah, I think you're absolutely right, Dan.
Let's just see if he has any other pieces of evidence.
It's one of those things where like, I've never been like, felt remotely encouraged to do them like I ever felt alcohol.
You are right now there and not nearly as damaging as like
alcohol or other drugs are but she keeps comparing them to opioids and I just
don't know like I don't know it seems like the only reason for her like the
only way for her to be like really happy which means like if I just fully give
them up and I just never do it again.
Which to me is like one of those things,
it's like, yeah, I picked her over the mushrooms,
but it also is like, I think she's being a little bit
on the edge of the boat.
Yeah, also like, she can't make me see the world
for what it is.
Yeah.
Like, I'm sorry, but you can't make Dark Side of the Moon
sink up with Wizard of Oz.
It's like, hey babe, can you go over to that tree?
Yeah, can you make the bark move?
Oh no, you can't, so maybe.
Oh, you can't do that?
Can you make me remember a conversation in seventh grade
and have it made meaning right now?
Can you improve my posture for some reason?
Yeah.
Is that something you could do?
No, here's like the be all end all,
can you dunk a basketball?
Yeah. If you can dunk on her, she can't say shit.
But if you're one of these five nine motherfuckers,
no, she's noticing that your habit is accelerating.
She knows that you have had the issue in the past.
I just wanna hear the end of his delusion,
because it feels like he's trying to land the plane here.
I love everything he said has been dumber than the last
and like
right now general i just don't know how to like
they hate yet i know how old problem but this is
different not never felt
any urge to do i'm also
really
tentative and careful and like
and really looking out for like any future addictions just because it's like
Okay, I honestly I I
Can completely relate to this guy because at 24 years old that's exactly how I talked about alcohol all the time It's not a problem. It's like she's mad that I'm going out and drink until three in the morning Joe list and it's like
Sorry that when the Sun goes down I like to have a beer oh
So you're saying it doesn't feel good when the warm shower water is hitting your back and the cold beer is hitting your lips
And you're probably telling me that taking a hungover shower bath where it's just right on my face is bad for me
People puke on Wednesday mornings it happens oh I'm trying to be healthy for
your I'm not supposed to get high as fuck to dull the headache yeah and order
$30 worth of greasy diner food oh my delivered right to my door what am I a
fucking animal my mom yeah you're being a fucking bitch what are you my mom who
also pointed out that I had a problem a few years ago?
You're just bitch ass attitude's the reason dad left
If this was a different situation and if he was driving a car
Mm-hmm, and she was going hey, you're you're speeding up. You wouldn't go God. It's not that I'd pick speed over you. Okay
75 is more than 72 fine if you want to be mathematical about it I'm telling you right now, just don't do mushrooms for like two weeks and go like, hey, I'm going to do mushrooms in March. And she'll be like, that's the thing.
It's like, she's not, she's saying dome every six months, which by the way,
as someone who likes mushrooms, that seems very reasonable to me.
You mentioned Terrence McKenna.
I think that was how frequently Terrence McKenna did mushrooms.
The Bible on it.
Foremost expert on it.
Like you hear it in the book, right?
Like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I think that was how frequently Terrence McKenna did mushrooms. He's like twice a year.
He wrote the Bible on it.
The foremost expert on it.
Like, you're so right, Dan. You hear it in his voice, that addict rationalization.
And he's framed it so many times, like, how do I explain to her it's not that bad?
And it's like, yeah, dude, we were just talking about computer, huffing computer dust.
There are things that aren't that bad that you can abuse and you he just said he's done on a hit over
From the time you're 17 to 24
He's done him a dozen times and I was doing every month and listen and I'm gonna tell you this as your young father
Cuz I could have been it I could have been your father had I yeah young absolutely at 17
I could have been your father 17 years older than you I
young, absolutely. At 17, I could have been your father, 17 years older than you. I just stopped smoking. I'm about to be 41 and it took my therapist going like, hey, maybe take
a break from weed to think about it. And I was going, I had this energy. Well, I don't
even know about that because how am I going to relax over the road? So that energy like
sticks with you. And when I quit smoking weed, I was like, yeah, I probably needed to do
that. Yeah, I needed to reframe how I'm gonna come back to it but that's
all she's asking you to do is just reframe how you look at mushrooms and
like yeah and then it's like dude you just quit you just quit drinking and and
his argument is like I don't feel the urge to do him that much and it's like
that's the that's the most like an addict that's just speaking in circles.
His entire call is that he's feeling the urge to do them more.
And she's saying don't do them that much.
So like literally just saying I'm doing it because I like it.
I could stop any time.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's like if you really force me to, I guess I would pick you over mushrooms.
And it's like, dude, so you're just so to summarize here you're fully in the wrong okay like
It is a little much to be doing mushrooms every fucking month. She's not even saying don't ever do them
You're putting that on her. Yeah, she she said I'd prefer if you did them every six months which again
totally reasonable I
Felt that way where I was like I've skipped doing mushrooms
I was like you know what like I mushrooms, because I was like, you know what?
Like, I'm even gonna do mushrooms for a year,
which I'm just like, I don't need to necessarily do them.
They're not as bad as those other things,
but I'm like, look, if I'm gonna commit
to being sober for a year,
I'm gonna commit to everything.
So like, just fucking, just chill.
That's so huge, because, and this guy even is sober
from alcohol, but like, that's so huge.
The 90% of getting sober is just being honest with yourself
Eliminating bullshit. It's like you come back to it, dude. Yeah, I'm coming back. Trust me
She's not this episode hit the airway. Yes, Dan's only sort of learned his lesson
Right now your's high as fuck.
But yeah dude, you are being a little unreasonable and you said you're very sensitive in looking out for future addictions.
Well here's a big one bro, you're not. You're willfully ignoring this.
And she's making a point. Don't do mushrooms every fucking month.
Especially not when you're clearly trying to replace and I know it's not the same as drinking but anytime
you're ratcheting up some kind of drug use when a different one is gone that's
a problem next question fucking this poor little drug addict just a little heroin to take the edge off.
That's all you need.
Bobby, baby, fun time listening to First Time Caller.
Thanks for calling, babe.
I love the podcast.
Thank you for everything you do.
That's the advice.
Question for you.
So I called in once already to answer this.
I'm going to try not to do that this time.
So my question pertains to a girl. About maybe a year ago, a little
bit a year ago, ended up meeting the love of my life. I love this woman. She's smart,
she's funny, she's easy to be around, all the things we've looked for. Long-term keeper
of a lady. We've talked about having kids, we've talked about you know
family planning and doing life together and long story short recently she ended
up pregnant, pregnant currently and since then you know in theory we both wanted
kids but in practice now people thinking about all the things we both wanted kids, but in practice now, we're thinking about
all the things we want to do, all the traveling we want to do, all the fun stuff that, you
know, having a newborn doesn't necessarily come easy with.
So my question is, her and I both know we want to have kids.
Definitely do, but we don't know if we want to have them now.
But for some reason, whenever I talk to her
about having an abortion or what have you,
I get really pissed off and I don't know why.
I want to have kids with her.
We've talked about this. I love this woman
but I know we shouldn't have kids now but
Hearing her talk about about not going through it just on a basic level. I agree with everything she's saying
But on a basic level it pisses me off. I don't really know why
Stop what's wrong with me? Yep.
Give me some advice if you have any.
Thank you guys.
When did he fucking send this in?
He said his first call was like a year ago.
No, no, he says he's been, I mean this,
they figured this out by now, hopefully.
Or there's going to be a bunch of states that made it illegal.
So is he saying he gets mad when she says she wants to have an abortion?
Yes. I Will be a bunch of states that made it
So is he saying he gets mad when she says she wants to have an abortion yes when they talk about it
He so basically saying he wants her to have one. No
Didn't he say when I was confused by that when I talked her about having an abortion
I think she wants they when they talk about it. He gets really mad. That's what I'm taking away from this
Yes, it's okay It's unclear if he wants her to have one or if she if he if she kind of wants to and he in theory wants
To but in practice what I got from it is that he agrees that you should get an abortion or that
It should at least be on the table, but he gets mad when it comes up. Yeah
Maybe it gets me angry it induces anger like in the heat of the moment
So I would think like just write down what exactly your thoughts are like when you cooler heads are prevailing like
Separately figure out what you actually want let her figure out what she actually wants and then like kind of come to the table
Yeah, with some like sober
Yeah, I mean rational being angry is crazy and like but it's also very primal. Yeah, you know if she's pregnant
She's like I'm gonna have this he's like
Going full monkey man
Yeah
but I can see it on both sides the primal thing like I could see like if you actually love a person and you want
To have kids and even though you're like, maybe we should wait you're like you're not killing my kid
But then I could also see being like I am NOT having a fucking kid
I guess you being angry like come on you gotta
Now the primal brain just being like fetus have heartbeat at six weeks baby
I take care of baby
Fingernails like he says he does I'm really confused as to what the plan is here
I don't know are they gonna get borscht up
Are they not are they thinking about it cuz the clock's fucking taken brother usually that's the thing where you know
When you find out it's pretty fucking clear what the move is so I don't understand being angry
I mean, I think JP makes a good point. It's like and it's a basic thing of like
Think about why you're fucking angry. I can't fucking tell you I'd love to ask him
This is a very difficult question to pose to a podcast
Yeah, this is why am I angry when my girlfriend talks about abortion? I don't fucking know
Talk to a priest
This isn't for a guy that you know tells jokes for
uh... tells jokes for a lot of it but i think i can handle it
that back up back up this is is not even as bad as some shit we've we've
hilariously dealt with this is where we can be to be like andrew tate style
idiots on a podcast to be like
put her in a cage
that
bro you don't think without the brain
it's a hit take over the situation
that baby's gonna sense weakness in you it It's true. You need to put her in a shed so
Yeah, dude, if you're asking me why you're pissed off
I could hazard some guesses like maybe you're not maybe because it could be a control thing, right?
Ultimately, it's her fucking call. Yeah, and you maybe you're realizing that
Even though you agree you don't like the fact that you ultimately don't get to decide what happens.
Yeah.
It's her body, she's carrying the kid, and if she wants it, she'll keep it.
And if she wants to get an abortion, she'll get an abortion.
That could be a root of anger, right?
Maybe there's an anger in you thinking you do want to.
And then the other route, roots of anger is like realizing you don't want to that you you know I don't have this right I don't
have this guilt about it I got to be honest like I have friends who grew up
like Catholic or whatever and it's like and like a friend of mine had an
abortion I was like all right like cool whatever who like that sucks that's
gonna be hard for you but I never know I just don't have that guilt I'm not I
didn't grow up religious.
It's just how you grew up.
I don't think of it as murder.
I honestly fucking don't.
I don't think it's a fucking person.
I think it's a little lump of fucked up cells
and I don't get, and that could ruin your life.
That's how I look at it.
But he's also, he keeps peppering that they want kids.
And that might be it.
It's like, hey, if we want kids the timings not great but sometimes
you can't play that exactly and i kind of agree that if you have if your with the person that you
think you want ultimately have want to have kids with you know yeah you might have to fucking wait
10 years to go on a nice vacation but timing's timing bro you shouldn't have been raw dogging
if that's the case that's a good point he's with somebody he really sees a future the right person
and they both want kids that's like 99 percent. Yeah, there's no such. Yeah, I don't know but that's tough
It's a little at the same time
It's like another statistic you see sometimes like a lot of people who get abortions are women who already have kids
Yeah, we don't want another one. So maybe this is just the flip side of that. It's like hey, I want kids
But I'm not ready. Maybe your career who knows what our career is
You know know I mean
Please we can it's easy for us to be like I can have kids if it happens
But you know really fucking bears the brunt of that shit. It's the woman. Oh man. It's just we're just there for cheering
It's really I don't know if I'm ready to be a mascot, right?
I'm gonna pass out like fucking rocky for the nuggets
I'm gonna pass out like fucking rocky for the nuggets
Yeah, I don't know if I'm ready for the responsibility of tussling a child's hair at the dinner table
So that that might be that kind of might be
He might be in the position where he's having those thoughts of like well look I'm with the person I want to be with and timings timing But let's just have it and she might be like I don't already and that might be where the where they're getting pissed off
Is and he might love her and this also there?
This is a pretty fresh relationship. He said about a year ago, right?
Yeah, so they might have never had a disagreement of this level
So so he can't he doesn't know how to confront her about something to this serious
And maybe he's scared that it could cost him the relationship and all this together
Leads to blind fury that he had he can't fucking you know he can't diagnose
Maybe that's our guess yeah, but either way good luck. Hopefully you figured it out
I'll bless it's by the time this comes out
figured it out. Chablas.
It's by the time this comes out.
Legalize it.
Abortion.
You either hit, yeah, you either hit Planned Parenthood
or you're fucking going crib shopping.
Good job.
We didn't get to you in a too timely of a manner.
Sorry buddy, sorry it didn't come up
on our previous episode.
Yeah, we gotta time this for JP special
so it's a little later.
Priorities, man.
Sorry, man.
Need those YouTube clicks, baby. You understand. Special so it's a little later
Need those YouTube clicks
Alright
Don't
Eldest guest or guest
Yeah, I got a question for you guys sort of a situation with a girlfriend's friend. Yeah, so
I've seen this girl a few times
One of my girlfriends had better friends, but
They had some store arguments. I think a lot of detail, you know girls argue a lot but sure I come to find out that she's been telling my girlfriend that
He wants her to break up with me. He thinks I give off a weird vibe that I'm scary
I've seen evil for some reason
I don't know where she's getting that from
I never really done anything wrong to her or I really like I kind of have
Angry eyebrows, that's where she's getting it from
But yeah, I didn't think that I was gonna hang out with this girl again my girlfriend and her just been fighting
But they sort of made up probably see her again sometime soon, so I don't know
What she's doing? I'm around there. Should I just be a dick and be like fuck you bitch
Why are you talking shit on me should I just pretend nothing's happened?
Why are you talking shit on me? Should I pretend nothing's happened?
Definitely blow up on me.
Yeah, I don't know really how to go about it.
Give her more father.
You should stare her down while you take a switchblade.
Nah, nah, nah.
Give her the thriller, dude.
Put your arm around your girlfriend and walk around.
Give her the evil.
Oh yeah, be evil to her when your girlfriend isn't looking.
That's pretty funny.
Sneak evil.
That's pretty funny.
Invite her over for dinner and then you're just in your
office in your apartment just looking at a globe like,
yes, yes.
Turn around with 10 fingers.
Ashley, I've heard you've been speaking to her regularly.
Loose lips sink ships, they say.
Evil's a crazy thing to call someone
that you don't really know.
Yeah. Evil. And just on a vibe. I'm touching like evil vibes. Like total evil vibes. He's giving evil. He's giving
Dark Owl concentration to his body. Do you understand that the most fertile plant is the one that you can break the easiest.
This talks to her like a James Bond villain.
Hello, Carissa.
This is fucking wild.
Have you guys ever been in a situation where a significant other's friends hate you?
I had one when I was in college.
I don't know if they hated me.
When I was in college, I was dating a girl in a sorority and I was not in a fraternity
and her sorority sisters told her that she couldn't date me because I was dating a girl in a sorority and I was not in a fraternity and her sorority sisters
Told her that she couldn't date me because I was a jeed
How was the pussy it's fine
Yeah, I had a friend that I did I've had a couple I've had friends whose significant other hates me
I had a friend whose wife did not like me. They were gonna get divorced. I
celebrated
They got back together. Oh
Classic
Celebrated and they're back together
Seinfeld episode I was like, yeah first one never takes
like, yes! The first one never takes.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
It sucks.
It sucks, dude.
And it was like, I'm still friends with him.
Not her, but him.
Yeah.
We have to see each other like secretly.
I'm gonna sneak like you're cheating.
Like you're cheating on her.
I go, God, I miss this.
Yeah.
I'm just having coffee at a diner.
I fucking, God, I need this.
I fucking miss this.
I feel so alive when I'm with you.
God damn.
Do you want more sugar in your coffee?
Of course you do. Fuck. Yeah, I mean, more sugar in your coffee? Fuck.
Yeah. I mean, look, you don't.
She wants you to treat her poorly.
She's like you would fall right into her hands.
Yeah, you're right. You know, I say,
blow her away with kindness. Yes. Absolutely. Stunt on these hoes. Absolutely. That's how you truly win. And that's difficult.
Even, you know, even with-
You ever go like this,
I think I was wrong about Eric.
And then you bitch.
And then the evil eyebrows.
And then you're like, you were right, you were right, bitch.
And then you play with a poker chip and you're like,
life is nothing but a series of wages.
Yeah.
Do you understand that bluffing can be more important
than the hand you're holding. Go full Bonvillain on this bitch after you win.
Yeah, get a scar.
But like if there is gonna be a confrontation.
Start wearing eye patches.
Yeah, make it the gentlest confrontation you could possibly.
Hey, just wanna make sure we're cool.
Like that level of like.
I see no confrontation in this.
You just go like um you look great tonight
You just I agree the thing is you are actually that is warfare
The mature thing to do would be like hey
You hope for everything's cool between us. Whatever don't do that this bitch hasn't earned that yeah engage in warfare and your weapon is kindness
by Sun Tzu's art of war mm-hmm read it attack her when the Sun is in her eyes and the shade is to your back
Me when they're making a mistake
I know that it's so funny people read them like people
2024 reading that and it's like,
make your enemy fight through the rice patties,
their boots will grow mold.
It's like.
A shield of bamboo cannot stop steel.
Says no application to me in my life.
I work in tech.
Yeah dude, be really nice to her.
Absolutely, absolutely.
And then crush her. And then try and fuck her when you're really drunk
Okay, you know what?
Just call her
Oh, no, so sorry to hear about your cat. I heard it died in your living room last night
You didn't suck my dick
Died in your living room last night. If you didn't suck my dick.
No she's doing okay.
Then you turn around and say let's get out of here.
The Thriller move will fuck her up.
You gotta do Thriller move at least once.
Alright, um, yeah.
This guy's good. What else we got Elders?
I gotta get going dude. I just went to the clock and it's 6 o'clock.
Is it actually 6?
Yeah, and I got a long ride back to the city. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no worries the clock and it's six o'clock. Is it actually six? Yeah And I got a long ride back in the city. Yeah. Yeah, no sweat
Let's fucking let's what do we got on the party? I just looked at the clock
I was like, that's not right and then I looked at my phone. I was like, oh shit. We're 127. We're looking good
All right. Well, listen go fucking go
Listen to watch Danny boys special watch soda go listen to, watch Danny Boy's special.
Watch Soder, go be a Soder listener. The pod.
Yeah, you can, that'd be nice.
More importantly though, Big Dog special.
July 17th.
On the page.
Watch him, enjoy him, live it, love it.
I'm feeling blessed, I'm too blessed to be stressed, you guys.
Big JP, just penis McDade.
We love the boy, we're happy he's got his special out. Sometimes you turn 35 and you haven't really made
enough noise in comedy, you say,
ah, clock's fucking ticking, better do something.
Better get your famous friend involved.
That old special in the can.
Let's get that special in the can
and then you can start working on the next fucking hour the next, you know, the next fucking hour, baby.
Some of these jokes, I know that feeling of I got to get that first one out.
You know what I mean?
So we're cooking, we're sucking and fucking, and you're going to love the special.
It's very funny.
And support the whole team here at Stubby Baby Enterprises.
Let's watch the special.
We love you and we will talk to you next time.
Bye bye. Baby Enterprise. Let's watch this special. We love you and we will talk to you next time. Bye. Bye