Stavvy's World - #86 - Hasan Piker

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

Hasan Piker joins the podcast for the second installment of the LA Chronicles at the Bad Friends Studio to discuss Turkey vs. Greece, his true origins, his childhood fondness for basketball, the famil...y call that led his dad to confront him, the daddy stitch, his stellar academic record, and much more. Hasan and Stav help callers including a guy who's afraid of his friend's gun-toting, Trump-obsessed brother, and a guy whose buddy still hasn't paid him for a bunch of work. Download the Gametime app, create an account, and use code STAVVY for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. More info at https://www.gametime.co/ Watch Hasan Piker's streams and follow him on social media: https://www.twitch.tv/hasanabihttps://www.instagram.com/hasandpiker/https://twitter.com/hasanthehunhttps://www.youtube.com/@HasanAbi   https://www.tiktok.com/@hasandpiker Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Oppa! Welcome everybody to Stav's World. 904-800 Stav. Call in, we'll solve your problems. We have lured a Turk into our den. And he's defenseless now. Bro, I feel so, I feel like I'm in hostile territory. You are bro. Bro, there's like flags everywhere. This is like if a vampire was around a garlic farm. Hassan's so weak, he has no powers here. Although you did try and, you tried to take my Albanian producer off kilter by giving him a zin.
Starting point is 00:00:33 This motherfucker's been hiccuping for 10 minutes. He's like, oh sixer, I can handle it. That six milligram bullet got me, dude. I gotta do what I gotta do. It's like World War III in here. Yeah. Hello everyone, we have an incredible show for you today, but first, I wanna tell you about one thing I hate, that's guesswork, and one thing I love,
Starting point is 00:00:53 low prices on tickets to events. Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Game Time, we love the Game Time app. Download the Game Time app, create an account, and use code STAVI for $20 off your first purchase, terms apply, again, create an account and use code Stavi for $20 off your first purchase terms apply again Create an account and redeem code Stavi Stavvy for 20 bucks off download game time today last-minute tickets lowest prices guaranteed
Starting point is 00:01:20 Producer you have Undermined my man. What do you mean? The picture that I had of him in my mind is dramatically different than what he actually looks like. Stop trying to make a Turk Albanian. This is what the establishment fears most. Stop trying to unite Turks and Albanians against me. I'll keep you both afoot.
Starting point is 00:01:40 I don't give a fuck. All I'm saying is he's got gray hairline. Great hair. He's a handsome kid. I thought he was like, I thought he was going to be like very, very fat. Well, he I mean, he has lost some weight. Yes. But yeah, he's like six. What are you, six five? Six six. Yeah, he's taller than me.
Starting point is 00:01:59 He's taller than me. Galdis, I gave you six five like a gentleman. Don't fucking steal the. I have nothing. I don't need the me. Come on. Eldis, I gave you 6'5 like a gentleman. Don't fucking steal the egg. I'll say something. I don't need the inch. 6'5. Okay, you're 6'5.
Starting point is 00:02:10 How much do you weigh? I think I'm like 290. Let's say 290. Bro, that is a fucking hulking man right there. That's a unit right there for sure. I didn't even know they made Albanians that size. Oh, are you kidding me? Who's going to plow our fields?
Starting point is 00:02:22 That's true. That's what the Ottoman Empire did say. Who's going to put a fucking yoke around Eldis's neck? Are you kidding me who's gonna plow our fields? Who's gonna put a fucking yoke around Elvis's neck you are literally describing what my ancestors did they were like that's This don't fall for this autumn and flattery. He's trying to turn you against us Albanian brag but all my village are fucking relatives. They still talk about Ali Pasha I'm gonna be fucking cleaning out his pool. His fucking million dollar pool. 1453 baby. I'm ready to go. That's looking like conquerable territory right now.
Starting point is 00:02:53 Your bitch ass can't have it. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to go. That's looking like conquerable territory right now. Your bitch ass can't have it. Looks pretty nice. Sorry, I should make an official introduction. We have anti-Semite of the week Hassan Piker on. That's right.
Starting point is 00:03:15 I cannot believe, I can't believe that you literally, like you did the Netflix comedy weekend or whatever the fuck. I can't believe that you literally like you did the Netflix like comedy Weekend or whatever the fuck and then you had anti-semite of the week. Yeah, that's we got range here We got both about to see that and be like alright next special is done actually don't worry They don't know what the fuck you do No, they're not a 14 year old kid with a raccoon tail up his ass. Netflix executives are fine if I'm doing a video game. What does he do?
Starting point is 00:03:53 He plays video games? Yeah, yeah, exactly. That's what I do. I play video games and say anti-Semitic stuff. Like, Palestinians are human beings. Hey, come on, watch it. Relax, Hasan. Stop getting radical on my show. We're here to have a good time What the fuck are you doing to me trying to take out this trying to get all my deals canceled
Starting point is 00:04:24 Keep the radical stuff to yourself like that. It's actually no I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll hold that. I'll keep that stuff to myself. Just keep the radical stuff to yourself like that. It's actually, yeah, no, I'm turning it around completely. I'm pro-Israel now. I'm gonna be running around defending it. That's good, man. Listen, that's a lot of growth. We're happy to see that from the former anti-Semite of the week. But also, you know, streamer of the year, probably. You lost that to Mr. Beast, I think, right? No, no. Mr. Beast is always winning the content creator. Content creator. But no, you always lose the Kysonat. Oh yeah, he's great. You know, he, when he does like a PS5 you away, there's a riot. Yeah. When I show up, it's like free power. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is-
Starting point is 00:05:05 No one's that, yeah, no one's that pumped. But yeah, he will absolutely, Kais and I will like say he's hanging out and someone will like, they'll burn a Best Buy to the ground trying to catch a glimpse of him. Yeah, it is pretty wild. It is wild because like, he had like, he did a Louis Vuitton, like Tyler the Creator collab recently, and he has those like same fucking awards that I have. He has like the Streamy's awards and the fucking, all these awards that he's like posted up with and I'm just like, we are in such different worlds.
Starting point is 00:05:37 Like he's literally hanging out with like, Pharrell's hitting him up to be like, hey let's do a photo shoot for Louis Vuitton and I'm over here fucking hanging out with you. You're on Stoffi's World, bro. Such different world that we exist in. Let's rank you, MrBeastKaisenat, who do you think has the biggest penis, first to last? You think MrBeast is secretly packing? Didn't he post a photo?
Starting point is 00:06:00 He did post a weird photo. With holding his junk and shit, which was crazy. But he looked good. But his audience is like six. I feel like you shouldn't do that. You hear this guy's getting nervous, Eldest. I can't say anything bad about Jimmy. If Mr. Beast starts getting sexy, you're cooked too, dude. He has. He has gotten sexy.
Starting point is 00:06:18 But he's like, he's too white, I feel like. There's a little bit to his, and you know, don't come after me Mr. Beast stans. Well, no, they're all six. They're all little kids, yeah. Yeah, but he's like he's too white. I feel like there's a little bit to his and you know not that don't come after me Mr.. Beast stands well. No, they're all sick. They're all little kids. Yeah. Yeah, they're too busy playing Roblox He's got an interesting face. He's got like kind of a rabbit face a little bit I can't speak I can't talk shit on my boy Jimmy. I like I'm a Jimmy fan shout out to Jimmy Yeah, he gave us some chocolates the new mr.. Beast bars are actually sick dude I fucking hate that shit cuz like he got me with
Starting point is 00:06:48 A relapse honestly I was eating clean and then I got a box of chocolates. I fucking fucked them up I I like every time he blesses me with like eight fucking coolers worth of chocolate Like that Drake video where he's like giving money to Give away a lot. Yeah, I would have eaten. I was inhaling mr. Beast bars I yeah, I the peanut butter one's the best one. I want to get free promo. This motherfucker is richer than God What are we doing here? Yeah, put me in a fucking video Let me live in a fucking grocery store for a trillion dollars or whatever the fuck dude I know it's fucked up cuz like I know him and we're managed like his management company is like
Starting point is 00:07:26 I was one of the first people that that they they signed Beyond like who they were originally working with and now the company is like growing rapidly obviously So like we're pretty we're pretty connected, and I'm not in any of the fucking videos He always hits up Ludwig for like sick ass fucking challenges. That's what your bitch ass gets from having opinions. Yeah. You got to just be a nice, nice, sexy guy with a nice haircut. You defend Hamas one time. You fund. Yeah, listen, as soon as you fucking denounce Hamas,
Starting point is 00:07:59 then you can fucking give away a private jet. I only raised one point three million million directly for Al Qassam. It's fine. Like, what? I'm trying to level the fucking playing field. You know what I mean? No, you're too controversial for those little ass kids, dude. Sorry.
Starting point is 00:08:14 Sorry. That's what you get for being Turk raised. Well, to be fair, now with TikTok, they're all fucking, they're all fed a yin. That's true. They're right or die. They're like the Islamic Republic of Iran will rise one day.
Starting point is 00:08:31 Remember when there was like a weird like white girls like we're joining Al Qaeda ten years ago. We're gonna have that on steroids. Yeah Doing live reads of the Quran. I'm like bro. What are you dooping? There's like white girls in North Carolina and shit like this is becoming that's why they had the band tik-tok yeah yeah yeah we can't have that they were split we're spreading Islam um but you're so you're asked this is what I always found funny is that you were born in New Jersey but then they shipped you right to Turkey yeah because they didn't want you to get an American upbringing well the thing is like it was it was the other way around my parents were very sneaky with it they were like if we anchor baby yeah we give birth to himer baby. Yeah, if we give birth to him, you know the immigrant mentality, if you give birth to him here, then he will be American. Which, you know, sucks to suck. Racist, like that's just how it works still.
Starting point is 00:09:15 It's a loophole. Yeah, it's a great loophole. So then, but then they were like, but we don't want him to be too American. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I, yeah, I grew up, I was, I grew up in Turkey for 18 years, but of course- Did they make fun of your ass? Were you the American boy in Turkey or were you just like- No. So you were just Turkish Turkish. Yeah, I mean I was Turkish Turkish, but like I was still of course like very fascinated like everyone else is with American culture and shit, so like I think it gave me like
Starting point is 00:09:44 a leg up. The fact that I never really had like a thick accent, like I had an American accent from the Joe, because I would just like always watch American TV. I only consumed like, I read English books. In your house, did they speak, they spoke Turkish? Turkish, yeah. All Turkish, okay.
Starting point is 00:09:59 And still, like my dad, I don't know, have you met my dad when you were in? He's passed by. Yeah, he refuses to speak English. And he got a fucking doctorate from the London School of Economics, so I know his ass knows how to read and write and defend his dissertation in front of fucking deans
Starting point is 00:10:18 and shit in English, doesn't speak. A Turk went to the London School of Economics, so he figured out how to make the most money selling kebabs. Is that what it is? He's like a major neoliberal, like he was a corporate man his whole life. Oh hell yeah. He's not sucking on the corporate teeth. He's not, it's weird, he's not too fond of my political worldview I would say, but also like still there's a, and this is the same with like not just my dad but all Turks, there's this sense of pride, right? If you do anything.
Starting point is 00:10:50 Yeah, they're like, but he's in America and he's dominating as a Turk, like he's putting us on the map. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also like, I don't agree with anything. I don't agree with what he's saying, but if there's gotta be one gay streamer, by gum it's gotta be the Turk that's the number one gay streamer. That is the funniest thing. They're always they always think like like when I paint my nails as the gayest thing you can do for a Turkish man. They're always like what what
Starting point is 00:11:13 are you doing? You're painting your nails. What are you doing man? Go go govern a go govern conquered land and have boy concubines. Yeah. Like a straight fucking guy. Yeah exactly. Like a real one. What is this? What is this gay shit? What is this gay shit with a finger Yeah, like a straight fucking guy What is this gay shit What is this gays with a finger paint? Did they ever make you guys dress up in Turkey in like traditional costumes like when we would we would put on like the Greek Fustanella which like you know a little skirt and the fucking thing Do you have those the baggy ass pants and the big hat? No, no, we know I never did that I mean, what's like What's Turkish Independence Day?
Starting point is 00:11:46 Maybe for like a school play or some shit. No parades, no nothing? Well, we always had like, we had a bunch of different national holidays and shit, like 23rd of April. And- Three days after Hitler's birthday? Yeah, that's why they timed it.
Starting point is 00:12:04 I think it's like literally one day before our main genocide remember just a stunt yeah but yeah exactly what is it what is that is that what like the closing the Independence Day is wait hold on let me see I fucking got a fake turk fake tur By the way, I was doing a little research. Your country, your family immigrated to Turkey from where exactly, Hasan? Oh my god. Where? That was a pull up Wikipedia actually. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:35 Pull up Wikipedia. I was doing some in-depth research. My mother's side is all the way from Kilis, so they're like, they have like, you know, Arabic descent and you know, Turkish, Arabic, Kurdish, all that stuff. My father's side on the other hand is from Salonic and Crete. I don't know about Salonic. I saw something else on the fucking internet. Wait, what do they say on the internet? Go down Eldis, just control F Greece for fuck's sake. Be a fucking producer it is
Starting point is 00:13:05 an on-it-game creed drama interesting wait what are they saying his father's family emigrated to Turkey from the drama Greece wait that's not correct well that's what the internet says so even we even got whatever part of him that's successful that's the Greek part folks yeah and the backstabbing conniving other stuff Turk I don't know why is this drama because it's originally from it is my my grandfather that I'm named after Hassan Kamil Pekar is from Ceylon and then my grandmother is from Crete so we hit the mainland and the islands you know what I mean like we got we got it all wow
Starting point is 00:13:49 Coming by getting some Greek pussy and then up standing back to Turkey. Oh, that's right That's fucked up, but just remember folks the only parts of the sound that makes sense. That's the Greek parts the philosophical parts Yeah, that's fucked up. We should have never let Turks taste Those are Turkish. All the gay ass, all the gay ass woke shit. No, no. That's the Turkish part. Were you like a little bitch in school? Like, did you have like a... Oh, I was a bitch, for sure. I was a huge bitch, cause like, I...
Starting point is 00:14:20 Dude, when I was growing up, like, I... In Turkey, I loved..., like, mangas, video games. Video games was the most normal thing, because, like, everybody played Dota. We all played Counter-Strike. I didn't really play Counter-Strike, but I played MOBA Dota, which is like the original. I never played FIFA. I hated, that's the other thing. I fucking hated soccer. I'm calling it soccer, football. Yeah, and so I I played basketball, which was fine. A lot of Turks love basketball. Yeah. And I just genuinely, luckily it wasn't like very cliquey.
Starting point is 00:15:00 Turkish high school is not like American high school with the cool kids and whatnot. It might have changed now, but like I would just sit there and draw every day every class I would just sit there like a fucking savant and just draw. Drawing Vegeta all over and over again. No, literally. That's all I did. I would draw like Warcraft characters and like anime characters and like Street Fighter characters And all the teachers probably were just like this kid's fucked up. Yeah. Yeah, he doesn't do shit That's all I would do. What is what is Turkish high school like? Is it like is it like you gotta wear a little uniform? Is it like boys and girls?
Starting point is 00:15:34 Is it yeah boys and girls uniform? I went to public school first and then I went to private high school because I couldn't get into like the good schools The good schools are the public ones. Yeah. And you take a test in eighth grade and if you can't like get a good placement then you know you got to go to you know you got to use daddy's money to get into a good school. Of course. So I went to Tedankara Colleges which is a very good private school. It's a massive compound. But it was it was just like a normal high school except like teachers can kind of beat on you a little bit
Starting point is 00:16:06 You know what I mean? You got hit? They hit your ass? Oh dude, especially in public school. Oh my god, bro When I think about it now, I'm like that shit was fucked up They would make you do this and they would smack the shit out of you with a fucking like steel Yeah, with a fucking steel ruler. That's crazy for just talking. Yeah, steel ruler, smacked up. In high school the most was like, they make you do push-ups if you're late to class. My fat ass. Like, I was so fat, I hated having to tuck in my shirts.
Starting point is 00:16:40 Because I was so fat that I had a fat ass and I so Like insecure about it that I would always have my shirt tucked out I would never tuck it in cover your cheat your ample behind and and the teachers would literally always like you got to tuck that shit in if I catch you again, you're doing pushups That's crazy because you can't see your ass You're so worried about he's like how you're perceived. Yeah see your ass, you're so worried about how you're perceived. Yeah. Because I never thought about my ass as a fat child. Yeah, that was my big insecurity was my ass.
Starting point is 00:17:11 Really? And I thought if I keep that shit tucked out, like if I keep that shit not tucked in, I can hide my belly in my ass and then maybe I'll get a girlfriend, which it never worked out. Didn't work in Turkey, huh? No, it did not. Had to come over here and start spewing George Soros propaganda to get a girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:17:28 That's how it worked for me. That's what they promised you? That's what George told me. George was like, listen, bro, you do this shit. You do this shit, and oh, God, you'll get some pussy. That would have been enough for me. Yeah, so you were trying to get, it's interesting to think of a loser in Turkish school,
Starting point is 00:17:50 or kids, because in Greece, dude, kids are fucking left and right in Greece. What's it like in Turkey? No, when I was growing up, there was one couple in our entire class that had sex with one another, and everybody knew. Whoa. Because they were like that's crazy you had sex. Yeah, other than that it's like you but you know prostitution is legal. So like the the thing was that you know boys would just go to
Starting point is 00:18:18 Sure, how young are we starting? Like it's kind of fucked up thinking about it with American terms terms. Like, your Zoomer audience is gonna be like, what the fuck? But. Yeah, my Zoomer audience. Little projection. I don't fucking know. Okay, yeah, my Zoomer audience that's gonna be watching
Starting point is 00:18:34 is gonna be really upset about. No, they're gonna be jealous. They'll be like, oh, I wish I could've gotten pussy at 14. Which is, I'm guessing, the age you're dancing around right now. Yeah, but I didn't actually end up doing it really. Yeah, I you were a coward Literally, I was I went to a massage parlor And I couldn't pull the trigger. Mmm. I couldn't do it. I was like nah, it needs to be special my first
Starting point is 00:19:01 my first time. Wow! What a fucking dork! Yeah, no, literally. I got too scared. Too scared. I mean, where do you, your boys are going? Like, who finds the massage parlor? Like, is there a friend, did you have a group of Turkish loser friends?
Starting point is 00:19:15 Do you have Turkish super bad? I was, that's the funniest thing, that's why I say it was not clicky, cause like, my best friend was like, the captain of the basketball team, so he was like, he was also subsequently the one guy who had sex in the entire class with his girlfriend and everybody knew. So it was like, and then there were girls that like, people I guess like assumed were slutty. You know what I mean? I'm thinking with like very old school.
Starting point is 00:19:40 Of course, of course. I mean this is Turkey in the fucking early 2000s. Yeah, exactly. It's not America 2023 or so I can't really like I can't really speak on like what it look what it looks like now I have no fucking clue I haven't been back Turkey's is like 2017 but but this man is so scared of getting clipped it's hilarious it's because I stream like 10 hours a day and I have like fucking psychotic stalkers in there waiting.
Starting point is 00:20:09 They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Slip up Hasan. Yeah bro, they literally do that shit. They do that shit every fucking day of the week. I just wanna hear about loser ass, no getting pussy Hasan. I don't need to hear about the trends now in fucking Turkey. Yeah, no, it was just like,
Starting point is 00:20:24 there was girls that people knew that would have sex. Like they are suspected of having sex. Suspected sex havers. Yeah, but beyond that it was like not a thing. The list, yeah. I don't think, I mean, we kissed and stuff. Nice, dude. And that's it.
Starting point is 00:20:38 What's the part, what's the high school Turkish part? And like, is it, how religious is it? Cause Greek people in theory are Orthodox Christians, but bro, nobody gives a fuck. Yeah, the private school especially that I went to, not religious at all. Turks especially, like, at that time, Ardalan had come into power already,
Starting point is 00:20:57 and he was like religious, he was like our Donald Trump. And he was like really religious, and like he came on the momentum of like conservative Turks and Muslim Turks in the countryside so like every liberal Turk Was like very anti like super fucking anti Islam. So it was like you're a big city. You're a big city coastal elitist Turk Yeah, yeah, yeah So interesting interesting cuz yeah, everyone probably thinks it obviously, you know, we like to talk about, we like to mock Turks here. Obviously, we have a very specific agenda on this program.
Starting point is 00:21:30 I see what's going on. But it is interesting to think about, like, Islamic countries, because I think people just think of it as a monolith of like, well, everyone's fucking praying five times a day, and you can't get booze and all this shit. But Turkey especially, I mean, because all I know about it is the proximity to Greek islands and it's like people go there to vacation is what I know about it. So it's probably much more chill. It's super chill. It's not even remotely like, especially if you go to the big cities, it's not very, it's not religious at all.
Starting point is 00:22:01 But even, even like areas that are religious, like they don't give a shit. Gotcha, gotcha. It's not like, it's not like Saudi Arabia areas that are religious like they don't give a shit gotcha It's not like it's not like Saudi Arabia Which is what I suspect like way more religious, but I don't fucking know maybe it's not that Those places seem fucking weird to me dude where it's like the police could probably just like abduct you It's the King's cousin who's like the fucking chief of police and it's like if if you're seen spitting too many times They'll just fucking I mean you're white so like you're fine like I'm like we're American so we'd be fine for the most part But like who knows yeah, they get up to some they get up some kooky stuff sometimes those guys
Starting point is 00:22:34 That is true. And also we are very America is like no longer as powerful as it We were growing up. I feel like nowadays if an American gets murked by Israel or Saudi Arabia, America's like, they can have one. Yeah. I mean they literally did do 9-11. Yeah, they truly did. And then my favorite thing was when they threatened Canada
Starting point is 00:22:55 with their own 9-11. Yeah, they were like, you're gonna fucking watch out. It was crazy. Like Canada was saying some shit, some guy like did a Saudi Arabia guy. It was an official Saudi tourism account or something shit and some guy like did a Saudi Arabia guy Not even some guy, it was an official Saudi like tourism account or something The official Saudi tourism account did like a photoshop of a plane hitting the CN Tower
Starting point is 00:23:11 Where it was like keep talking shit and we'll fucking do you like we did America Who also will just give us money for whatever we want How rich, okay you know slightly more than me although you know you are still dumb ultimately Yeah, we're all good with that You know slightly more than me although you know you are still dumb ultimately yeah But how much those motherfuckers must have so much money Saudi Arabia like oh yeah like like they're way beyond Yeah, trillionaires like they're probably trillionaires at this point because well for the most part It's also because it's concentrated in the hands of the few like it's like literally in the hands of the family literally one family tapped in motherfuckers of the family so that's why it's crazy it's like it's different out there like it's the same as like Russia like when you think about Vladimir Putin or when
Starting point is 00:23:54 you even think about like Ardol and like those dudes are so like they are rich at an entirely different level because they have an entire country's industry just in their bank account yeah exactly yeah like the Rothschilds or whatever are fucking bullshit in comparison Because they have an entire country's industry just in their bank account. Yeah, exactly. Like the Rothschilds or whatever are fucking bullshit in comparison to those dudes, you know? No, that is true. And that's why I think they could so easily kill whoever the fuck they wanted. Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:16 So easily. Well, I mean, Putin does do that regularly and so does the kingdom. They merc like Shia Saudis like regularly just to just to kind of let everybody know what's up yeah just to keep the knives sharp and it's also funny cuz like now India's trying to do that too and it's like bro stay in your fucking land yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's like India you can't just throw like they got people they got the numbers but you can't have like a thousand spies you just need one really good ass fucking assassin yeah I was like they they marked like a sick dude seek dude in Canada like they
Starting point is 00:24:51 were awesome Saudi shit too and it's like you can't be fucking shits about to get crazy you can't be murdering people on Canadian soil like you're India I don't know I saw RRR those guys were pretty fucking yeah maybe that's what happened they saw RRR and they're like, dude, this is fucking sick. They got riled up. They got riled up. We gotta start killing some people. It got me riled up. I was like, yeah, fuck yeah. Fuck the British. Me too. Totally. It was cool to see a movie where the British were just the Nazis.
Starting point is 00:25:16 Yeah. And it's like, that is what they are to Indians. Like they just straight up are. And it's like, people are crying. Imagine if like Hitler's daughter died in a and Germany cried on TV Yeah, that's what India that's what happens in the every time a fucking royal dies, but it's crazy because like like Indians do still ride for it to like in some ways And we're saying because they're like it just happens. I mean cricket. Yeah, you get cucked like
Starting point is 00:25:43 It just happens. I mean cricket. Yeah, you get cucked like When you're dominated, they're so cucked. They're like, yeah You're having biscuits and shit like you're calling calling cookies biscuits. I respect the Balkans more like ain't nobody's fucking Here if like some Turkish no, no, no, no, we have is a turn. We are so happy every time Everyone hates Turks because it's like we're too close. Like if Turkey was some like far away island and then did England shit to everybody else then everyone would be like maybe they would be thinking a little different like maybe they would be like yeah they did civilize us or some shit but Turks it's like too close so they're like no fuck you we got dominated by like people that look exactly like a fuck that shit.
Starting point is 00:26:24 Yeah one shade darker I cannot believe it it a circumcised darker version of me came through and took my sheeps fuck him Yeah, I know. I love that. We were still mad about shit that happened literally 700 years ago. Yeah The Balkans are a fucking great Yeah. It's like, the Balkans are a fucking great, a great like just tribal ass and like how Albanians think they're better than like Kosovo and shit like that. Like it's like so, it is so fucking awesome.
Starting point is 00:26:53 My favorite thing was there was a, there was like a, like a study done and it was like showing that Serbs were like the least anti-black Balkan country or something. Cause of Jokic probably. Cause of basketball. No, I think it's cause like they hate, like they hate Muslims so much and like different variants of like Balkan people so much that they don't have enough mental time. Hate to go around.
Starting point is 00:27:16 Not enough racism to go around. They don't have enough bandwidth. They used all their racism points. Yeah, they don't have enough bandwidth. They're too busy like fucking trying to merc their neighbors. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To them it's like the other members of Yugoslavia are so much worse than black people to them. I guess like everyone unites on hating the the Croatians though so at least there's that. Oh I didn't know that. I'm not as I'm not as plugged in with... Well I don't know what
Starting point is 00:27:40 do you think? Albania is clearly the's, I don't think there's any particular clearly the low, any power ranking you're going to do of any region that Albania is involved in. They are dead last. This is so much worse than fucking anti Turks lander. By the way, you're, you're, you're approaching a subject matter that will, will get you fucking yelled at Albania. We'll just say like ranking the Balkan Greece number one with a bullet baby come see me you motherfuckers Turkey's your negative one, by the way. I'm staying at it. No, we're not staying at it. He's the true enemy Let's not forget let history speak for itself Yeah history you fucking like sculpts beautiful sculpture. Yeah, you know shit like that philosophy This would this would be way sicker than the fucking little gay ass statues of the Greeks made
Starting point is 00:28:33 Dude I'm bringing this back. I'm about to be a plus-size sculptor. I love this. We're body positive That's our two main agendas Greek supremacy and body positivity here on the show. I'm on board with it. So Greek supremacy and body positivity here on the show. I'm on board with it. So I'm still thinking about the Turkish massage parlor. Now who's working in these Turkish massage parlors? Turkish locals, who is Turkey sex trafficking? Mostly, I would say mostly like Eastern European women, like Russians. Classic, yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:01 Yeah. Yeah, that was Greece too. Yeah, Russians, Eastern Europeans, like Ukrainians and then like and then like Turkic countries. Turkic like. Yeah, like Turkmenistan, Azerbaijan, that kind of shit. Interesting. Yeah, so like that's the, that's the That's who's giving massages to prep school boys. Just, yeah, everybody. Yeah I just to yeah to prep school boys just yeah everybody That's usually what it is and then you go to your little you go to your little gas private school Your little tie and your tucked-in shirt. Yeah, but even though pussy still wearing like you still have the worst
Starting point is 00:29:39 Suit yeah, really? It's terrible. It's interesting. I used to fucking hate it. Of course, but it prepared you for your life. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I know how to tie a tie. So yeah, good, good. I put that to great use all the time. I'm always finding myself wearing suits now. And then you're like, you always wanted to come to America when you graduated, you're like, I'm definitely going. 100%. I was so tapped into American culture.
Starting point is 00:30:09 And I just always wanted to experience it personally. And you had family here, right? Would you visit? Yeah. So my grandfather, weirdly enough, chose fucking New Jersey of all goddamn places. I'm like, New York is right there, bro. What the fuck did you do? Hell yeah, dude. Yeah. New Jersey of all places to come
Starting point is 00:30:30 to and, um, and my uncle, uh, stayed in America and like grew up here and mom's side or dad's side. Uh, my mom's side, my dad's side has no connection to America. Gotcha. Gotcha. Gotcha. Um, but my mom's side had like somewhat of a connection from my grandfather and yeah, my uncle obviously... And he was here, who was he doing? Sex trafficking or what was he up to? No, he was, my grandfather was doing real estate shit. Ah, nice. And then he lost all of his money.
Starting point is 00:31:01 Hell yeah. In 2008. Wow. Cause he thought like... Oh, in the crisis, in the real estate? Yeah, he thought he was sneaky. Like I think, but he didn't even get like, he didn't even lose it in 2008 because of like the housing bubble. I think that played a role in it too, for sure.
Starting point is 00:31:15 But he like invested into a scam or something. Like cause he was more so in, he only did commercial real estate. Sure, sure. But he lost all of his fucking, he lost all of his money. And my uncle obviously then went on to start the Young Turks. He went to law school, he went to Columbia Law, Wharton Business School undergrad. And then he dropped it all to be a public radio, like have a public radio show. And then he was
Starting point is 00:31:46 an early adopter of YouTube. So, and then he started the Young Turks. We should also add Anti Seminar of the Week and Media Nepo Baby Hassan Parker. That's true. Well, that's what the Stop Ate Semetism.org article, which we can look at if you want, is really funny. They literally are like progressive nephew of progressive commentator, Chuck Weigert, who was also like progressive commentator, who's also a Hamas supporter. And it's like, how did those two, how did you write those two things together? Just for fun. Just to, just to, just to like do enough buzzwords that people get off at. Yeah. It's just like, it felt like it was written by like a like an Indian bot farmer.
Starting point is 00:32:26 Of course, of course. The article was written by AI. And we should also follow up because you know, we talked about this on my last show, but I'd really like to get it on record here too. When is it where you were rubbing your penis on basketballs to jack off? Oh my god, I was like fucking, I was like 12. Okay. And I have it one time and I've never I should have never told you that
Starting point is 00:32:48 I've never lived it down people always make fun of me for that still That's right folks, I'm jacked off with a basketball I didn't but you rubbed your penis and it had the little dimples on it I didn't finish but that was like a formative that was definitely a formative experience for me where I was like What did you move on? Yeah, this feels good. What the fuck? Cuz when you're a kid you make sense actually using a ball cuz it rolls with you And you're a kid and you have like no awareness, but you probably like all the adults like They see you in the driveway fucking your basketball
Starting point is 00:33:23 Yeah, it's like it's like you think you're being sneaky when you get in the pool. Oh, yeah, yeah. You put your penis near the chest. And you're just like, oh. Classic. You're like standing over there and it's like. I was just, you know. What was it, were we, are we dealing with, cause Greece had so much nudity in like just
Starting point is 00:33:43 print articles and TV that you could find stuff to jack off to easy, but Turkey wasn't like that? No. That's why you're fucking basketballs. But we had RTL, German TV, and they would show some titties every now and then. And I was like, that's, I was like, hell yeah. Yeah, dude, we're from a different generation. You could still jack off from TV.
Starting point is 00:34:05 Yeah. These kids know nothing about that. Bro, we had family TV, my parents are out. In your mind you're making, you're doing like math equations to figure out like exactly when they'll try to figure out exactly when they're going to come back so you have like a masturbation window. A window. You need your window.
Starting point is 00:34:22 And on TV we had Cinemox was the channel, but it was a Scramble channel. And I remember, not my proudest faps, sitting in front of the TV, like literally this close, and just trying to fucking, trying to work my little penis and trying to work out like titties in between the Scramble. Of course. That's a classic. Yeah, waiting and obviously terrified that my parents could be coming through the door any moment.
Starting point is 00:34:47 Was the door in the same? It's just like the living room. Yeah, the living room. Yeah, you're just like, ugh. Yeah. Mine was the, our computer room was a door before the living room. Yeah, that too.
Starting point is 00:34:58 And so there was like foot on the door. My mom's usually downstairs in the kitchen cooking, and I have a small window to use dial up. I come back home and check the Kazaa porn I started downloading when I left for the day because it would take all day and then you see what you caught. You see what fish, what fish the other day's catch was. And you never know. You never know what kind of malware. It's never what it's labeled. You don't get what it's labeled. You're like, blonde, fat-titted, blonde, sucks, fat, cock.
Starting point is 00:35:30 Nice. One of the formulas for me is Nicky Benz. Oh, sure. Nicky Benz is great. There were some Nicky Benz ones in there that I... When I got a Nicky Benz one, I was like, yes. Then there was the Pirates of the Caribbean parody porn. Didn't we just talk about this?
Starting point is 00:35:43 That was another one that I Drop sweet loads to I'm with you on Nicky Ben. She was kind of the original like Very skinny with incredibly fake tits. Yeah fake tits. Yeah, but as a kid I was like, that's amazing Oh, so like they can look like that is what a child Like it's what a child thinks like is the ultimate female sexuality is like skinny Blonde lady with the fakest hit you ever seen in your life. Yeah. Yeah great stuff. I see like the scars I'm like, oh Yeah, yeah older more refined
Starting point is 00:36:17 Sure, and I see those like under boob scars. I'm like, oh dude. Mm-hmm too much. I'm not me I still say let's see how we can push, how far can we take the technology? Titty, fake titties have gotten so much better. Oh my God. It's insane. They put it like through the, like an incision through your armpit sometimes.
Starting point is 00:36:35 And like, and also like, I think doctors have gotten better with like, not just hamming you up with double D's instantly. Right, right, right. Instead of working within the confines of like, how much fat you have in that area. with not just hamming you up with double Ds instantly. They're working within the confines of how much fat you have in that area. They'll build it up.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Instead of just pumping you with silicone. I heard, and I don't know where, but that doctors will just make the tits bigger because they just want to. And you really can't do shit about it. Wait, really? They say enough women want, they make them a little bigger than you agreed on because most women, when they see them,
Starting point is 00:37:11 or according to, I have literally no idea where I heard this. Okay. I can't even say I heard it on like the TikTok because I don't know. It could have just been a guy. You just straight up are making yourself. You just had a dream. And then you read an article like that. You're assuming that's what it is. Just been a guy straight up or making I you just had a dream
Starting point is 00:37:39 Absolutely, bro, I'm trying I'm trying to get like Joe. Are you kidding me next time? We'll be doing this for my bunker in Baltimore I have a whole fucking thing But yeah that it's like they just sometimes make tits bigger against the woman's like wishes. Dude, the craziest thing is they- And I say let's hear them out. There's a thing that doctors just do called, I think they also, it's a very sinister name for it, they call it the gentleman's stitch. Oh yes, of course. You know what I'm talking about? Where you make the pussy tighter after the baby comes out. Yeah, they would like add in an extra stitch.
Starting point is 00:38:05 The husband stitch. No, the husband stitch, yeah. Which is fucking insane. I heard that was fake again, I don't know where. And God forbid you do any Googling, Elvis. Just please sit there hiccuping off of Zanzin. Don't look up the tits thing, don't look up the husband stitch.
Starting point is 00:38:20 Pull that up, Jamie, what the fuck are we doing? See, dude, see, you really think you're gonna use Albanians to restart the empire? It's not gonna work. He doesn't know how to work a computer bro. Leave him alone. It's a different setup from what I'm used to. He's never seen one before. Um, okay.
Starting point is 00:38:37 It's considered medically unethical and objectifying. The procedure is not an accepted medical practice. Known as the daddy stitch? That's insane. The daddy stitch is even worse. It's even more disgusting. Unethical and objective. That's a little editorializing right there.
Starting point is 00:38:50 Let's just keep it straight. Please report the facts. I'm going to hit that with a context note or whatever. A content note, whatever the fuck it's called. Community note. Community note. It's not necessarily objectifying. Maybe somebody wants their pussy smaller after childbirth.
Starting point is 00:39:09 That also feels like that's just not medically how it works. It's not like you stitched the pussy hole smaller and the pussy small. I've never seen one. I have no idea. You're hoping to have sex someday. Waiting for that moment. So you reject the massage because you
Starting point is 00:39:26 wanted to be special. Was it when you fucked or by that point had you just become a feral Turkish animal when you got to America and you were like, time to get any pussy I can? Well, basically my first time was not special at all. Literally, my first time was in a courtyard in South Beach. Yeah, you told me this actually In a fucking like pool complex
Starting point is 00:39:48 In an apartment complex like pool area Yeah And at that point I was just like alright You know this is Gotta get this off I'm ready for it I would always fire one off before I went out At that time
Starting point is 00:39:59 That's right I remember this story but please say it again I would fire one out before I went out Because like I didn't want to You know I didn't want to be blue ball in myself and like being in fucking pain when yeah It's like there's a 45 minute drive back home after you know The nightclub or not in your jeans at a South Beach nightclub. Yeah, you don't want So so yeah, I just Remembered trying to do every position I can yeah. Oh Oh, really? Tried to speed run every position.
Starting point is 00:40:26 Yeah. Cause I saw Nikki Benson. Cause I, yeah, cause I, I just didn't know when the next time I was ever going to get laid was going to be. And you wanted to try them all out. So I was just, I was white knuckling through. I didn't even, I didn't even come the first time. Wow. I don't know exactly how long it took but it was seven minutes. It was long. It was like either 20 or 40 but I never ended up coming that night but it was the happiest moment of my life probably. It was the peak. One of the most Turkish things possible is to like leave, go to go to Miami immediately and just go to nightclubs to try and just, you know, get pussy outside.
Starting point is 00:41:06 Wearing ugly ass Express shirts. Wearing a fucking neon, neon fuchsia Express shirt. Fucking some dumb bitch. I didn't have the Imperial Armani swag that like all of my fucking Saudi and like Jordanian Prince adjacent friends had. So I would wear the Express shirts yeah and and Miami was too the University of Miami was too academically rigorous for you and you ended up at Rutgers University this is who you're getting your news from folks this fucking guy couldn't do Miami yeah he had to get his degree from Rutgers where if you get
Starting point is 00:41:42 rejected of every school in Jersey, that's where you go. For me, it was like, UM is the worst part about it is that I got accepted into like a lot of good schools, like Boston College. I think Boston University as well. George Washington University offered me George Washington University offered me like 25 grand scholarship academic scholarship for each Year that I went there that school was so expensive that wouldn't have done shit exactly get you but it but it didn't matter Like I was like no I want to go and party
Starting point is 00:42:16 My parents were like my parents were in like they hated that I made that decision of course They they fucking despise that I made that decision. I'm shocked. They They fucking despised that I made that decision. I'm shocked they let you do it. Yeah, that's kind of crazy. Well, I got two nines both semesters and they were like, you're done. Like you think you're coming to America to like fuck around? Yeah. Are you insane? Yeah, you need to get a degree. They were right. I mean I graduated with honors. Yeah, so which meant you could read. They did an eye exam and they did an eye exam without but without making it further away They're like just say all the fucking letters my favorite crayon flavor was
Starting point is 00:42:54 It's red and reds the right one. You're like strawberry Means red Put red down they say a food that the same color is the color we give them credit. Yeah He means red, he means red. Put red down. They say a food that's the same color is the color. We give them credit. Oh, okay, so I got it. It wasn't, you didn't fully flunk out.
Starting point is 00:43:14 They were just like, we're not paying for you to just fucking get a C plus and have the time of your life. For them, 2.9 was like completely unacceptable. They were like, what the fuck? Like 2.9 out of 4, that's there's no way What were you were you studying pop political shit? No Miami? I was just like Miami actually took like a two-dimensional design class as well So like for me, I thought like there's still an avenue
Starting point is 00:43:40 to like Possibly do art related stuff because I went to Parsons. Oh really for a for a summer course Oh, you tried to take your like anime drawings to the next level. Yeah. Yeah, exactly and Well, my dad was like, oh, yeah, my dad was very Turkish. Yeah, so he literally was like son Cut the gate. You're doing this There's no drawing. We're not drawing like no. He was like, you got three options.
Starting point is 00:44:07 Yeah, we called the golden bracelet professions. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got three options. Engineer, doctor, maybe lawyer if you're a little too gay. Yeah, lawyers the most artistic it gets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's it.
Starting point is 00:44:21 Lawyer is the third one, which is, because I rode that all the way through. I was, I told them, I kind of like duped them into thinking that I was like genuinely interested in law. Right. After Poli Sci, which you know, Poli Sci's fine. That's what I did with my parents too, because it was like the closest thing, you're talking, they're like, oh, you're good,
Starting point is 00:44:40 you like being in front of people, you can give a, you know, you can give a closing statement. So I just told them I was gonna be a lawyer until I just didn't finish college and started doing fucking standup. After I graduated, I was like, you know what? I wanna go to a tier one law school. Where are they at?
Starting point is 00:44:57 Los Angeles, but I just wanted to go to LA because I fucking hated New Jersey for obvious reasons. And I always wanted to go to LA partially because like Please HBO television series on Formative for me as a Turkish teenager Watching those boys. Oh my God. To shred through town. That makes so much sense, dude.
Starting point is 00:45:29 Yeah. Holy shit. I always wanted to live in LA for that reason. I didn't even want to be like, I had no aspiration to be famous. You didn't want to do show business. That was not even a thing that I ever even considered. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:40 I just was like, I want to be in the town. Yeah, totally. I want to be in LA. I want that energy. Yeah. I want to be friends with Johnny Drama. Yeah,. I want to be in LA. I want that energy. Yeah. I want to be friends with Johnny drama Yeah, glitz and glamour Tinsel town, baby. That's so fucking funny. Yeah, so I I um, I love by the way before we tell that
Starting point is 00:45:53 I love this the fact that your dad thought drawing was too gay So now you got back at him by he lives in your house and has to watch you wear a choker I'll show you gay dad It's just funny cause like, oh my God, there's actually a really funny story there. One time I, I, I collab with these like TikToker dudes. They're great. Um, they're, they're very emo, right? And like emo is like kind of a meta amongst the zoomers now, like you love emo shit.
Starting point is 00:46:21 So I was like, I'm going to emo-fy myself. You know what I mean? I remember those pictures. Yeah. Emo shit, so I was like I'm gonna emo-fy myself. Oh, I remember those pictures. Yeah, and I got the eyeliner and I did all the stuff and I got the fake tattoos and stuff, and we did the photo shoot, whatever, but the next day, the eyeliner's not coming off. I'm using makeup wipes, it's not fucking coming off.
Starting point is 00:46:41 I don't know why. And the tattoos are not coming off. I'm like scrubbing it off. They're not coming off So the next day I'm face timing my family awesome We we talk every morning my brother's on the call. My mom is on the call. My dad's on the call and And he they're like looking at me. They're like the fuck. Yeah is going on right now So I decide I'm gonna joke and say that I got permanent tattoos on my neck.
Starting point is 00:47:09 The ugliest tattoos you've ever seen on my neck is permanent tattoos and permanent eyeliner. And my mom, you know, God bless her soul. She's trying to be supportive to the best of her ability. She's like, oh, that's wonderful. And like you got, you really did that. You really did that. And my dad just straight up goes, you have to tell me right now. Are you gay? He's like, you have to tell me right now. Are you, are you gay? So he's known you. Yeah. It's like, like that's how it would come out. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Then you got a tattoo and eyeliner. Yeah, and I was like That's awesome. I saw him like true a real mother very close very close to having a heart attack So I was like no, this is fake. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's so fucking funny. Yeah damn every day. That's cute, man You FaceTime your family every day. Yeah Wow Wholesome, I mean they live with me too when I'm not FaceTiming them. So we're very close. That's interesting. Why the FaceTime if you live together? No, no.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Just to check in? Oh, you mean that's... I'm saying like when they're not around. I see. You just check in every morning. Yeah. Everyone's like, have a good day. Yeah, we just like talk about what's going on and what we need to do and stuff like that.
Starting point is 00:48:21 That's cute and wholesome, man. That's real nice. Are you trying to be... I didn't think about like family man Hassan. Do you want to have kids someday? Yeah, oh cute Yeah, I do. Damn put some fuck put some dumb jewelry on a baby Yeah, I'm gonna have them rocking the Latino earrings Yeah, yeah, pierce your daughter's ear out of the womb. Yeah, that's fucking hilarious Well, I mean we have a lot to talk about but I do feel like we need to get some questions Don't you're 48 in it's 130. We're flying over here. I love it. All right. I gotta pee real quick
Starting point is 00:48:55 Yeah, of course. It's summertime folks and summertime. That's the time for going to checking out live music go into a ballgame You know, I remember attending my first opening day as a young Orioles fan having so many Ice creams in a little helmet and peanuts and hot dogs that I as a fat little 12 year old got so sick I had to stay home from school the next day because that's how much I was going in on the concession stand I remember attending I was going in on the concession stand. I remember attending HF Festival as a teenager, thinking I might have sex with a woman in a porta potty, and really what happened was I had diarrhea
Starting point is 00:49:33 in one of those porta potties, but I did get to see Billy Idol perform. Just a magical time for having good events. Sneaking in vaat, Don't do any of that. You know, now I'm a grown man, I don't need to sneak beer anywhere. I have it whenever I want. Okay? And I'm still... But listen, I'm still having fun times at these events.
Starting point is 00:49:56 And right now, what I lament is that at that... When I was a young man with more limited funds, I didn't have access to the Game Time app because simply it didn't exist, folks. Now, of course, I'm a man of means, and I could probably buy any fucking ticket I wanted, but I'm still a man of the people, and I want you to know about the Game Time app. And even if you got money, you can't beat convenience, because I'm looking at Game Time right now, And you know, I'm in my beautiful New York studio now, but I'm going back to Baltimore. I'm about to catch the Amtrak. And I still want to enjoy ball games. I still want to enjoy concerts.
Starting point is 00:50:33 Oh, what do they got coming up? Of course, my beloved O's. We got the WWE coming to the CFG Bank Arena. Okay, I might have to go see Monday Night Raw with the fellas. We got Premier League, Lacrosse, Barcelona, FC Barcelona is coming to play. That's another fond memory I have of watching Barcelona play when I was in high school and also watching, fuck, Man City play with my brothers at Raven Stadium. So many fun opportunities here.
Starting point is 00:51:04 The Hot Wheels Monster Trucks live. Oh and right now look what I see. All the events, all the deals. 27 bucks are you kidding me? Oh let me browse through the game time deals. They got it all organized there for the best deals, the best prices. They got a flash deal. I could save 15 fucking percent right now! Look, don't be a fucking idiot, okay? Go to the kind of app where you get to see the seat views, you really see what you're buying off game time. You get the panorama of your shit. You don't have to worry about some poll fucking your shit up.
Starting point is 00:51:38 Okay, all in pricing. No, no having an, you know, understand what the, no surprise fees at checkout. I don't like surprise fees. I want to know upfront. I toggle that shit on. Okay? Last-minute deals. They got all that shit. Take the guesswork out of buying concerts, concert tickets with Game Time.
Starting point is 00:51:56 Okay? Download the Game Time app, create an account, use code style for 20 bucks off your first purchase. Can you do that? Terms apply, but come on, again. Create an account and redeem codes STAVVY for $20 off. You're breaking my heart if you don't fucking do this. Download Game Time app today.
Starting point is 00:52:15 Last minute tickets lowest price is guaranteed. Yeah, folks, so we'll see what kind of advice this Turk dumbass has Thanks, bro All right That's what they do Turks come and they take folks. That's right. They come and they take all the natural resources Do they have guests? I would like to be on a good podcast for once. Yeah, they'll have guests.
Starting point is 00:52:50 We'll put your name in the hat, dude. Yeah, I'll come on, dude. Yeah, that would be good. You'd be good. They're awesome. They'd love to have you too. I listen to them sometimes. Sometimes when I'm like, what is happening outside of my immediate realm of interest?
Starting point is 00:53:09 And sometimes I'll check in on what the fuck you're talking about. The last time I watched that episode, it was just them doing the worst Asian accent possible, talking about fucking Lululemon. I know. It's really a great show. They figured something out. Elders, it's really a great show. Yeah. They figured something out. Eldis, let's go, let's get some of this, let's get some advice from one of
Starting point is 00:53:30 Twitch's greatest geniuses here. Oh, hell yeah. What do we got, Eldis? Hey, Stavi, baby, what's up? Eldis, let's put the camera off. Oh, can I blaze over? My bad. Yeah, sorry.
Starting point is 00:53:42 Oh yeah, let's put the camera off. My bad. Yeah, sorry. Stubby baby, what's up? Elvis, looks as ugly as ever. Apparently I'm a pooper here, but I got a question for you guys. I've been working for my buddy's moving company here and there while I'm
Starting point is 00:54:00 finishing up college. And he makes really good money. He pays us about $50 an hour. Damn, that's awesome. The last point that Elvis gets me doing all these jobs for him and he just can't seem to pay me. Okay, you know, he owes me about $1,100. Damn.
Starting point is 00:54:19 And he's my friend, you know, I got love him to death. But I feel like if this was just another employer, that's 22 hours of work. So my question for you guys is, you know, I've been asking him I've been I've been texting him, I just don't want to lose a friendship. It's 1100 bucks. But you know, as a college student, 1100 bucks is a lot. That's a lot of money. Yeah. What do you guys think? What should I say?
Starting point is 00:54:46 How should I go about getting this $1,100? Break his fucking kneecaps. What are you gonna do? What was the question? Yeah, it sounds like no boss is a good person, not even your friend. Don't listen to anything he has to say, Elders. This fucking guy's a rat.
Starting point is 00:54:58 Don't listen to what he has to say about unions. We're a family here at Stubby Baby Enterprises. Do what I do when Stub hasn't paid me before keep sending zell requests I hope you see it eventually I guarantee you that's happened to me before all right where I've forgotten and then like I'm literally beating off There's never been times where you paid me for like two months at once before Was she just paid me as we go? What am I paying this cocksucker for?
Starting point is 00:55:30 I don't handle this anymore. We have someone who does it so I don't forget. All right, you get it. We get it, Eldis. For this guy though, that's fucking, I mean for you talking about not wanting to lose a friend, that's like, you know, that's crazy This guy's trying to steal a thousand dollars from you And again when you're fucking when you're out of college, I mean dude, I'd never yeah I'd never had I'd never held more than like two hundred dollars at once do fifty bucks an hour is really good It's great with the problem is is he actually making that if he never gets the money, you know Like is that just a promise so that everyone will go and then he's like,
Starting point is 00:56:07 I can only pay you 600 of the 1100 I claimed and now you're actually making, 25 an hour is still pretty good for a college. But moving jobs are also very strenuous and it's bullshit. So yeah, I mean, like you said, if it was another employer, you'd be up his ass. So I think, I mean, you just got to stay on him. And you obviously can't take any more work until he pays you. I like the incessant Zelle request.
Starting point is 00:56:36 Incessant Zelle request is not a bad idea. Just keep fucking blowing up his shit. And if that doesn't work out, you just reach out, figure out if they have like a significant other or something, and start just like DMing them photos of like different girls that he's like texting or whatever. That's true. Yeah sort of look at it as now you're undercover. Yeah and so you make you make up your mind we're not gonna get the money start a dossier on him of all the friendship. Yeah look he's pushing your hand start blackmailing him. Yeah, look, he's pushing your hand.
Starting point is 00:57:05 Start blackmailing him. Push, convince him to cheat, videotape it, hire a prostitute. It's gonna cut into your $1,100. But you're employing a sex worker, you know there's a work, go get a working girl who's working solo, someone you can trust, hire her to suck him off, or maybe just jack him off.
Starting point is 00:57:24 So it's cheaper, and then you can vide hire her to suck him off and maybe just jack him off. So it's cheaper And then you can videotape it. Yeah, you're like your boyfriend's gay. Yeah, I Didn't want you to find out this way, but listen nothing wrong with a with a nice handjob every once in a while. Yeah So yeah, I started dossier and blackmail him And then you know, but dude this guy's just got to fucking pay you you shouldn't feel any you shouldn't feel any like guilt or I kind of hear it in his voice where he's like I don't want to lose a friend it's like dude that's crazy that's a lot of money and now also how long has it been does he have an
Starting point is 00:57:58 explanation like you just got it if this is actually your friend you gotta be like hey man what's going on with the money? Do we have a timetable? If he has to pay you- Are we giving good advice? We're doing both. Okay. We give good advice and then we're like, pay a prostitute to suck his cock in video tape.
Starting point is 00:58:12 Okay, good, because you're like actually giving good advice. The formula of the show is an initial roast, real advice, and then something really stupid. And I think we've kind of mixed it up on this one. But yeah, you just gotta like, you gotta get your money and if it's too, you know be realistic This guy maybe is a dumbass who maybe did pay you too much or he's not liquid right now. Tell him that yeah Yeah, yeah, definitely not he agreed But it might take him a little while if he's your friend and you trust him and he's like, hey look man
Starting point is 00:58:43 I fucked up I was moving somebody's grand piano and I broke it, and all your money's to buy a replacement. Give me a, can I pay you an installment? So over a little bit, whatever, work with him. He is your friend, so if you trust to get your money back, you can give him some latitude, but eventually it's just gotta be like.
Starting point is 00:59:02 Break the kneecaps. Break the kneecaps. You always got that. Yeah. Yeah Are you bigger than him? You're strong. You're a strong moving boy, you know, yeah or On the next moving job show up and just fucking shit everywhere Yeah, just break just break shit open up an urn and jack off into it put your jizz someone's grandma's Say appropriate slurs within the context
Starting point is 00:59:27 of whoever the client is. Figure out what their ethnic background is. Well, he's a mover, so I'm guessing he's already doing that. Sexually harass the client. Yeah, you got a lot of good options. In fact, take a job, here's, okay, with your little uniform, t-shirt, whatever, take a job as the company and do a horrible job. And just wreck his fucking, you know, his Yelp reviews. So there you go, dude. Good luck. What else?
Starting point is 00:59:57 Godspeed. What else do we have, Bigeldo? Taste of guests, or guests and eldest in that order. I've got a kind of a complicated question but I'll try and keep it short. So basically one of my best friends is getting announced to us, I think eight, he's getting married this fall.
Starting point is 01:00:13 And I wanna go to the wedding, but I kind of cut his younger brother out of my life because kind of during COVID or right before his younger brother just got kind of obsessed with antagonizing me just out of nowhere. Like at another friend's bachelor party, he would just like start talking about how he was going to like bang my fiance and just like he's a crypto bro, hardcore, always talk about Trump, you know, mega all that like nonstop.
Starting point is 01:00:38 It's really fucking, you know, I was just tired of it. And I was like, it's just not really annoying. And I was getting too old for that shit You know, it's like I cut him out Group chat kind of, you know split a little bit, but it's worth it So I was kind of sick of it and now, you know, his brother's getting married I'm not super close, you know, I'm sure he's one of my best friends But you know, I don't live in the same state as him anymore
Starting point is 01:00:59 but I'd really like to go to his wedding he's kind of like a you know, it's fun guy to be around but man, I'm just Having a hard time like thinking about going to a wedding with his younger brother because like he's a kid. He's carried a gun You know tiny not nice nine millimeter just like this little pocket gun. He's always gotten always had kind of a gun that Really volatile is kind of like friends all, they all tolerate him. That's a wild move. They're still, like, oh, he's kind of a loose cannon, but he's funny. And me, I'm just like, he just makes me nervous, man.
Starting point is 01:01:34 And I'm just thinking, like, it's even crazy that he had a party with his friend who was a state wrestling champion and got really drunk and decided to wrestle. This wrestler guy, and the wrestler guy kicked his ass and he got so drunk wrestling champion and like get really drunk and decided to wrestle this wrestler guy and like you know the wrestler that kicked his ass and he got so drunk he's like I'm gonna kill you my god I'm gonna kill you like a hawk time like throw him out in the porch like he got his way out of the restraint truck and drove his truck away like super drunk and he just flipped and crashed his days later after that he banged his best friend girlfriend like crazy you couldn't ride it and like but he's just like I don't know he just makes me fucking nervous to be around
Starting point is 01:02:13 yeah this guy like he's just got I mean he's guys hilarious like psychotic on you know on dealt with issues so I'm just trying to figure out like is it worth it going to this wedding also my friend friends having the wedding three days for the general election like Goddamn, that's horrible Half the people that's gonna be weird on edge already Cuz all the MAGA bros are gonna be super trumped up. Yeah, all the libs are gonna be pretending Joe's the man It's gonna be just like it's you don't want that a pre Trump election
Starting point is 01:02:46 Like like the the plus minus two weeks before and after the election are gonna be weird Yeah, you don't want any celebration during that true. It's just gonna turn up It's like, you know charging your crystals overnight Especially if he's a fucking like crypto bro in finance and a Trump guy who's like, oh I love Trump Yeah, I mean this guy's fucking hilarious. I mean you're yeah The guy's describing is awesome. Like I would love to be that guy's friend. I would love to pop into that guy I would love like Just but the things I don't even want to be around him
Starting point is 01:03:21 I want to like observe him for 48 hours. From a safe distance. From a safe distance. So I get you cutting this guy out of your life, one of the best things you've ever done. And now you have to kind of think like, I don't know, is it worth? The basically it's like, can you handle this guy for one day?
Starting point is 01:03:41 How toxic is this guy to you? Can you handle him for one day for the wedding? How much does your friend mean to you? I think you suck it up and go to the wedding. Yeah, just don't bring your girlfriend around. He's gonna fuck her. He's gonna put you in the full Nelson. Also, how does he have so much Riz? I know, fucking his friend's best girl is Crazy girl is crazy after he flipped his car. Yeah Why why is everybody like still holding on to this fucking guy? I don't know in my group
Starting point is 01:04:11 I know I mean the breast pocket gun is an insane move Yeah, it is kind of cool to be like like a gentleman. Yeah, it's like a little gun I do I do feel like at a wedding like you know going to be so many people, you could easily stay out of the way, and this guy's a loose cannon, he'll just embarrass himself and kind of ruin the vibes of his own accord. So I wouldn't avoid the wedding because of him. However, there is also the doomsday scenario that he latches, a guy like this knows when someone's cut him out of his life and
Starting point is 01:04:50 He he will target you he'll target you. He's a bully. He's clearly been bullying him in the past He's gonna see him be like oh you fucking pussy where you been? He's gonna be like that. He's gonna almost have forgotten That's the thing you think you've affected him. He doesn't give a fuck really probably, but when he sees you it's gonna be like The my old the old guy I would fuck with. Like, that's gonna be awesome for him. That's gonna be sick seeing you. So you have to be prepared for that. Are you prepared to like, you know, tell him to fuck off or be like, all right,
Starting point is 01:05:19 be, you're polite once and then you have to be kind of firm and then he might fucking threaten to kill you Are you prepared for that? Do you have other friends that are good will have your back to you know? I mean where it's like they'll step in and diffuse it a little bit because I assume people want you at this wedding Here's what I think yeah Okay, yeah hit us you gain you gain entry into his you gain entry into his dole missile You gain entry into his domicile and you take out all the bullets from his gun. You ensure that he has no ammunition. And you put, you go and you get blanks and you swap out his ammunition with blanks.
Starting point is 01:05:57 They look like real bullets anyway. Okay. It's a bit of a reverse Alec Baldwin situation. Then you antagonize him. I mean, he's a target rich environment. You're like, how's your crypto doing? What did you do? He sucked dick all the way over here. Give hand jobs so that you can fucking come to this wedding. Of course. As a crypto portfolio, all your doge is gone, bro. Yeah. Alles gone. Yeah, how was the NFD playing out for you? At the loser party everybody here hates you just fucking just really rip into him. Okay, he pulls out the pea shooter You are you just fucking know that it's got blanks in it and you're like, come on. Come on pussy do it
Starting point is 01:06:42 He fucking he fires it and then everybody beats his ass and you guys kill him. Yeah, yeah. You guys kill him. Should he have squibs? Should our friend pretend he's fucking. Ooh, that could be sick too. Try and get him to shoot you and then have squibs.
Starting point is 01:06:56 Be like, oh! And then, but look like you're back from the dead and you're like, I'm going to fucking kill you. You just pretend you're the devil. Rasputin, like you get shot, you're like fucking Curtis 50 cent Jackson. Okay. You got shot nine times and you're still like the anger that you feel towards this fucking crypto bro is keeping you a lot.
Starting point is 01:07:17 You beat his ass. You guys all beat his ass. He's like the fucking butter knives, the stab him in the eye socket or whatever. And then he's out of your life That's true. You could also just kill him at the way Yeah, you can have a bigger gun than his that's yes bring an AR-15 Wear a long coat Okay
Starting point is 01:07:38 Yep, make you dress like Keanu in the matrix Yeah, and then and then say yeah, and then beg him to kill you to do something about it and then shoot him immediately. Yeah. He thinks you're a pussy. He will not see it coming. He won't see it. Dude if you kill him he will not see it coming. Should the wedding be his chance to escalate? Like I'm not gonna start shit but I'm gonna bring some brass knuckles or just keep an eye on where the good chairs are to hit this guy over right right right be ready. I think I think you should kill him Miss them so those are your options his best friend certainly won't miss This guy's a fucking wild card though
Starting point is 01:08:16 I wouldn't the problem with with escalating is like like truly because part of me is like you have to be ready for this guy to bully you and like fight back but it's Also like you just want to get out of the wedding You just want to be able to like fucking have a have a fucking you know Force field around it know you will have one kind of shitty interaction you keep it fucking you keep it Like cordial and if he's a dick then you're like alright, man This is why I don't talk to you Please leave me alone the rest of the night And if he's gonna be a real dickhead about then you get other people to be
Starting point is 01:08:47 Like this guy's got he's got to be away from you or even just leave and it's his fucking dickhead brothers fault You know for being a dick, but you don't want to fucking fly out there and then leave the wedding You know what I mean? Yeah, I mean Thing that I do always when I don't go to weddings of friends I just like buy something of course you Of course, you gotta buy a gift. From the guest list or whatever the list they have. Well, is he flying out or is it in the same city, did he say?
Starting point is 01:09:11 Uh, it's in, they live apart, I don't know how far they are. Yeah, you're right. I say just fucking go, lay low, know he's gonna be a dick for a second, but Elders, you're probably ultimately right. It's a huge thing. There's a lot of pockets of people to be around.
Starting point is 01:09:24 Do not bring your girlfriend Around this man. Yeah, somehow has Riz yeah, if you bring your girlfriend you do then have to bring a gun Yeah, cuz he is gonna fuck your girl. He's gonna fuck her you have to kill him for honor Dude getting hogtied when you're in a drunken rage and you wrangle out of it when you're in a drunken rage and you wrangle out of it somehow and you drive away drunk and angry. And you cuck your best friend a day later. What? This guy's kind of swagged out. I know why he's keeping him around.
Starting point is 01:09:54 I want to understand that 48 hours so bad. Here's another one, LDC. another one, LDC? Stop, so here's the situation, bro. So I was in couples counseling with my wife twice, and then I was in individual counseling a third time. I'm divorced now, none of that shit worked out. But all of those counselors were women, bro. And I'm a dude in the mix in an East Coast city
Starting point is 01:10:28 and I'm about to get a little bit of monthly payments reduced, about to have a child turn 18, already paid off one college program, the other one is going to be paid off in December. And so I'm wondering how to best spend money on myself, bro. I love this. And I'm wondering like, do I go back to therapy again and this time get a dude to try to talk to me about what makes me happy. But for real, I'm 48 years old. So I don't know who the fuck I need to talk to. Like, or do I just spend money on myself, bro? Because all I've ever done is grind to take care
Starting point is 01:11:20 of others. And I'm not looking to like, buy a fucking stupid car. What I really want to do is enjoy life, man. Okay. Go to Granada, Spain, go to frigging, you know, many places. I've done plenty of traveling, but Granada, Spain just came off the top of my head. That's where I want to go. I want to do things. Like I've done plenty of traveling, but Granada Spain just came off the top of my head. That's alright dude. That's where I want to go. I want to go do things. Go there. Like I've been to Amsterdam plenty of times.
Starting point is 01:11:50 I want to go to Barcelona and get that frozen hash. You feel me? Sounds good bro. So tell me, like is it worth to go to counseling one more time and this time with a male counselor? That's awesome. Try to get some insight on the life that's already over. Try to get somebody who's not a fucking dumb bitch. Or do I just go and enjoy myself? a male counselor. That's awesome. Try to get some insight on the life that's already over. Try to get somebody who's not a fucking dumb bitch.
Starting point is 01:12:07 Or do I just go and enjoy myself? Talk to me. Alright, peace, eldest. Peace to honored guests. This guy's awesome. Dude, he's at the end of his rope. He's got his teeth kicked in by women over and over again. He literally thinks his counselor's counselors conspired with his wife to get his money.
Starting point is 01:12:28 I mean, charitably speaking, he probably thinks this broad doesn't fucking understand my lived experience. He also does have to, like he just had, he's gone to therapy and it didn't work in a very clear way. He went to couples counseling and the two therapies he had did fail in some ways now Maybe you that's one way of looking at it
Starting point is 01:12:52 The other way to look at is that your relationship was doomed and you gave it a shot you did the best you could I don't think if it was a man you'd still be married. You know what I mean? Like let's just start there But at the same time, he's 48, he's not changing his fucking ways. And I will tell you from personal experience, I do like having male therapists better because I end up wanting to fuck my therapist. I had a hot therapist in Baltimore.
Starting point is 01:13:19 Honestly, dude, I had a hot therapist in Baltimore. She was like this fucking cute lady, big titties. And think she was like kind of charmed by me because you know I was like in my 20s and all I'm talking about is girls and like, you know, and I'm being funny I kind of was because it's like I'm comfortable, you know Once you get to know someone you could be funny and all my problems were like it was the first time I'd ever gotten pussy In my life and I was feeling myself. And I was just talking about dating problems to her basically. And it did help me, but at the same time,
Starting point is 01:13:50 there was a different energy when I switched to a male therapist, only because I didn't have the money and he worked on a sliding scale when I moved to New York. And I wanted to stay with a similar therapist because it was helping me, but I realize now, it was helping me, but I was also getting distracted in some ways. And for some people, certain was helping me, but I was also getting distracted in some ways. And for some people, certain things just work, right?
Starting point is 01:14:09 I don't think it should be either or, though, right? You could go to therapy, and you could go to fucking Granada, Spain, my brother. Like, you know, it just, and like. I will say this guy, he's like, it's like, yeah, therapy didn't work, but he went to three therapy sessions and said it didn't work. So like...
Starting point is 01:14:25 Did he say three therapy sessions or he's had three different counselors? I think he said he went to like therapy three times. Maybe he went like... No, no, he went to three different counselors total, one individual twice. Yeah. Yeah, he's been to therapy a couple of times. But I think if you go to it, because you know, we're big therapy guys here, but I also think it's not, it's,
Starting point is 01:14:45 anyone who thinks it's gonna solve all your problems magically is out of your fucking mind. You need to go there with a specific problem to talk out, and then it's also part of your whole life. If you're living a depressing life, guess what? You're gonna be fucking depressed, right? So it's like, do some shit that makes you feel better. Go fucking vacation, buy something dumb, dude.
Starting point is 01:15:06 You know what I mean? Go to fucking, you know, go to Atlantic City. Yeah, but go to a Turkish massage parlor. You know what I mean? Life is all one thing. I do think therapy will help, but also that you hear that, do I try and fix a life that's already over?
Starting point is 01:15:22 What he said at the very end about his being 48, your life ain't over, dickhead. Yeah, what the fuck? Also, your kids are pretty young, so you wanna be a, you know, I know you feel their mom is a dumb bitch, I can tell from your voice, but you wanna be in their life,
Starting point is 01:15:37 you wanna be happier and a better father and hopefully grandfather, right? Like, these are the reasons to fix yourself a little bit. And be realistic. At 48, you're not gonna be the best guy of all time, but you fix yourself a little bit and be realistic at 48 You're not gonna be the best guy of all time, but you can be a little better than you are now Yeah, you know on yourself a little bit Yeah, set some goals and you get a little money back fucking hit the gym become a like it is. Here's one nice thing One unfair advantage men have you could become hot in your 50s. True.
Starting point is 01:16:05 As a man, you literally could. Get on TRT. This is the Joe Rogan experience, man. 100% get on TRT, bro. We got divorced dads, we got divorced dads in the building. Get on TRT. For real, get jacked. I'm not kidding. Get on TRT, get fucking yacked out of your mind.
Starting point is 01:16:20 And also go to therapy and go on vacation. Yeah, and then go to fucking Granada, Spain. Oh. Oh with the fucking with those old man fucking pecs. Yeah. You'll be fucking you'll be fucking fighting tanned bitches off. Yeah. You'll be feeding these whores paella no pro with your calloused hands because you've been deadlifting so much. Yeah they love that. They love it, dude. They love sucking on a calloused forefinger. Yeah I do think he can give himself a little grace because he's like 48 Clearly he has so much contempt and feels like his family or dumb bitch wife or whatever is like holding him back from a happy life And it's like hey, man, you're kind of in the clear now
Starting point is 01:17:02 Yeah, go on fucking vacation the odds are he thinks gonna like go on vacation and just like fuck every hot bitch he sees and just have a nice time. Not gonna happen. The same way therapy isn't gonna change your life, there's a funny sketch, actually an SNL sketch, a later SNL sketch with Adam Sandler, where he's selling like packages to Italy, and he's like, now remember, you're still the person you are here in Italy. You're not going to magically change. It's a very good sketch, actually.
Starting point is 01:17:32 But yeah, that's all part of making you feel better. All that is part of making you feel better. It's not going to automatically fix anything for you. But yeah, give yourself a little grace. You've done a lot, bro. Going through a divorce and stuff. You clearly cared enough to try and get through it. And I think I wouldn't automatically be a misogynist. I wouldn't automatically be anti-therapy. But I would just start doing stuff for yourself. Well, he's not even anti-therapy. He's just anti-female
Starting point is 01:18:00 therapist. Try it. But honestly, try it. Try it with a guy if you think that's it because that's the other thing you're not fixing that that's in his fucking head and he's 48 and it's like let's just focus on he he he worked through all of the all the worst aspects of it so you know your new life starts tomorrow yeah yeah I love it. We believe in you buddy and give us updates. Let us hear what's going on dude. That's how you know when shit was so serious we didn't even give him like bad answers. We told him to get on I guess you're right cuz we told him to get on testosterone but we meant it. We didn't even fuck with him. Yeah no I was being dead.
Starting point is 01:18:41 Yeah yeah for real dude. Go do it It's 157 you think you have time for we have time for more they're coming it they're coming they're not okay Well, oh you got other people. Yeah, who else are you never? We got my buddy Langston Kerman who's a he's really funny comic He's a writer on the Malini show and comic I met named Mandel, who's just fuckin', he was hilarious. He did warm up on The Mulaney Show. I did that shit, I did it Friday. You know man, the way we book this show is I text my friends and then if I bump into someone,
Starting point is 01:19:15 I'm like, do you also wanna do the podcast? That's good. Don't worry man, you're going on the free one. Yo, Stav, Eld stop eldest you beautiful motherfucker esteemed to get First things first. Let's go Raven. Let's go. Oh, baby. That's right. Second thing. I just need a little bit of advice. So I'm very close with my dad. My mom passed away. I want to say, you know 12 years ago and My dad has a kind of like a baby mama situation. The thing about my dad is he likes really trashy bitches which is fine but you know he came clean to me a few years
Starting point is 01:19:58 ago that you know I'm gonna have a half-brother and he's you know gonna be turning three years old and basically I'm going to have a half brother and he's, uh, you know, going to be turning three years old. And basically I'm trying to decide what kind of relationship I'm going to have, you know, this side of the family. I mean, I met them a couple of times. They seemed pretty, you know, put off ish. Stand off. I'm just trying to figure out, you know, how to navigate that situation. Um, I had no ill will, uh will towards anyone really, but again, kind of my dad kind of picks women that are a little bit down on their luck, kind
Starting point is 01:20:32 of like the deer with the wounded leg, kind of like supporting the whole family. He had all the details, but I rather would not right now, but all I really want to know is do you think I should try to have a relationship with this other side of the family and if so, how should I go about doing it? Love the podcast. Let's fucking go O's. And yeah, man. Thanks so much for the help. Not surprised this guy's from Baltimore. This guy's from the Baltimore, Maryland region that his dad is getting into trashy pussy later in life. Also buddy, I mean RIP to your mom but what does that say about her? Yeah, I was thinking that entire time. I was like damn dude.
Starting point is 01:21:14 So he said his mom passed away when he was younger or recently? Did he say 12 years ago when he was 12? I think 12 years ago. Interesting. And I don't know you guys are like laughing kind of over, but he's basically saying like how close should he try to be with his dad's family? Yeah, no, no, I got it motherfucker. All right, just saying. All of a sudden, all of a sudden you give a fuck
Starting point is 01:21:35 about us laughing over calls. Wow. That's funny having a three, getting a fucking half brother when you're a 30 year old man or however old this guy is that's hilarious to be getting a little baby. I would honestly be kind of pumped to have a half brother right now because that would mean I wouldn't really need to have kids like I would just raise, I'm basically, you could have half a child if you wanted to now people that are well adjusted probably want their own kids but me I'm thinking that's the perfect level of like yeah
Starting point is 01:22:07 Commitment where it's like ultimately not my fucking kid Yeah, give it back you give back to the pound aka the fucking trailer park his mom came from yeah You can you if you fuck up then you know who cares? It's not your child your brother Trashy then you know who cares it's not your child. It's your brother. It's your trashy stepmother's problem. I know that's so funny. I know that's also like I would love to really how far above these people is this guy actually. This guy sounds like oh you live in like you live now because it's Maryland we're gonna get specific but it's like oh you live in White Marsh Maryland because it's Maryland, we're gonna get specific, but it's like, oh, you live in White Marsh, Maryland. You're so much better than somebody who lives in Glenburn. You live in like the slightly less white trash suburb.
Starting point is 01:22:52 You don't live in Columbia, I'll tell you that much. You don't live in the suburb for Asian and Indians. So yeah, dude, I mean, I would love to know how much, what the perception is Is there any like weird shit going on? There's no downside to it like yeah, I feel like there's no downside They're just being more actively involved in the life of your dad's trashy baby mama Yeah, yeah, maybe maybe she throws some pussy your way to yeah, I mean we've all seen pornography Yeah, this is right right out of the fucking script. Yeah
Starting point is 01:23:26 But they wait can you scroll down a little bit like I want to see like what their response was that he said it They were standoffish. He just said the family her I guess he's talking about her extended family Yeah, I think it's I'm yeah, I guess they're fit Yeah, dude, you don't gotta be the fucking you don't gotta be friends with every every cousin But this lady is your lady is your brother's mom. And so, you know, you should fucking be cool with her, I guess, but I think you're gonna want, does he already have a half brother,
Starting point is 01:23:57 or is he about to be born? I think he said he was three or something. Like do you wanna be, here's what I can say about myself. I would wanna be in this kid's life. I think it would be cool to be a fucking older brother where you have actual life experience. Where you can act like I'm an older brother but we were kids the whole time together. It would be kind of cool to have someone that you're much older than that you can cut you can be an extra mentor make sure he you know because your dad's old as fuck he's
Starting point is 01:24:24 probably gonna check out before the kid kid fucking gets married. Maybe I don't actually I don't know You might be white trash and just you know He I don't know yeah, but those dudes don't go away. That's true 90 plus. They do they could live a while Especially living off menthol cigarettes. Yeah, the fountain of youth is insane pussy. And he seems to be looking for it. So I think personally I would wanna be in this kid's life. That doesn't mean I would be at every fucking, I wouldn't be like at her side of the family's holidays, but I would probably go to Christmas
Starting point is 01:25:01 and I would see him, I would at least stop into Christmas to give the kid a toy. I mean, yeah, also you're an adult, you have every opportunity not to do that either. It's just up to you. It's totally up to you. Depending on the vibes, vibe it out, suss it out.
Starting point is 01:25:11 It comes down to like how much do you care about your dad? It doesn't sound like they have like an amazing father son relationship or something. No, no, he said he's very close with his dad. But see, that's the thing, and to put my little fucking psychologist shit on here It's like are you a little resentful that he's already got this whole family like to you Does that is that hurt you on some level because you feel like your mom's been forgotten?
Starting point is 01:25:34 Because all of these are regular feelings, but I just think you need to be honest with yourself about what? Where this really comes from it also has been 12 years at this point So it's like good that your dad is like moving on and living a healthy life and finding other wounded deer style women to have sex with. If you're feeling that, I think Hasan is right on the money where it's like, it's been a while brother, don't let that stop you from like,
Starting point is 01:26:00 cause the thing is, if you're very close to your dad, you gotta be close to his fucking family, bro. And grow up, you're a fucking adult. Like he's still your dad, he'll always be your dad. Are you having that, like, are you having the feelings that little kids do when their dads get remarried, where it's like, are you still gonna love me?
Starting point is 01:26:17 It's like, you're a fucking man. Yeah, you're 30 years old, brother. Don't be a bitch, go fucking eat some, you know, go eat some. Some pussy. I was gonna say, what's a trashy food? Potato skins? What do they serve at fucking white trash Thanksgiving's?
Starting point is 01:26:34 Fried ravioli. Go eat some fried ravioli's, this is not the best but I didn't have anything. Yeah, casserole, that's good. We'll work, check back in 10 minutes folks, we'll finally crack this joke. Have something to take us out on there big LD? LD. And you don't have anything to plug. Everybody fucking 1,000, you know, 30,000 people watch you say Nancy Pelosi's a fucking dumb bitch
Starting point is 01:26:56 on stream. Talk about her boobs, too. Yeah, she's got to have some fat tits. She definitely got him hemmed up. No, you could tell cuz it's like everything else is like 80 years old and then her boobs are like 45. Which respect. Yeah, no you gotta do that. Huge respect. Who's, Paul, is that her husband? Paul Pelosi. Paul Pelosi in there. Yeah, he has all that. PP sucking D double D's. He has all that at home and he's still fucking going out and trying to fuck that guy. Oh, yeah That's right. That's right. Yeah Buffalo's boyfriend came in with the hammer
Starting point is 01:27:31 He's fucked up He's out here drunk driving his Porsche and trying to fuck 4chan losers Hit us with something, Mel., something good to take a sound on. Stavi, big fan. Thanks, bro. But I have to say that I'm pretty disappointed that I've yet to hear you comment on the upcoming summer 2024 Euros where your beloved Greek national team will not be participating and Elders is Albanian national team will be yes
Starting point is 01:28:10 Congrats, please in one fucking international tournament their existence 2004 and Would love to hear your thoughts On that on that's my thoughts team being better than the Greek soccer team. Turn this off. Turn this off right now. Don't finish this call. That's a direct order, Aldis! Love the pod. Love you.
Starting point is 01:28:34 Stand down, Sula! Turn this phone call off! Dude, I don't know. He was making some good points. Fuck you too! Fuck Turkey, fuck Albania. That's what I have to say. Is the Turkish team in the Euros? I don't even know. No, you're not European. Nice try. Wait's what I have to say. Is the Turkish team in the Euros? I don't even know. No, you're not European. Nice try.
Starting point is 01:28:47 Wait, what? You fucking Muslim dogs. We will never be a part of the EU. You'll never get in. We'll never be a part of the EU. That's my final thoughts on the show. Fuck Turkey, fuck Albania, fuck this caller. Suck my dick, Greece will come back. We'll do we won the euros in 2004
Starting point is 01:29:08 That's a major European fucking tournament 20 fucking years and now I'll be lit And if we never win again, which we will I'll be happy You know who's never won that shit a lot of fucking countries, but Greece did that was one of the most beautiful moments of my life Fourth of July 2004 last time me and my father truly connected. All right, well look, you can see Hasan on twitch.com slash Hassan the Pussy. What is it? Hassan Abi.
Starting point is 01:29:35 Hassan Abi. Twitch.tv slash Hassan Abi. I'm live every day talking about Nancy Pelosi. You can see Hasan making money for Jeff Bezos on twitch.tv every day. That's my go. I love him. Buddy, thanks for coming.
Starting point is 01:29:48 It was awesome, dude. Thanks for having me. I'm coming back. Sorry, this trip I fucking got bogged down, but next time I'm coming. Big fancy guy, bro. I'm a big fancy guy. Ever since the Netflix social, he's just like,
Starting point is 01:29:57 he doesn't even fucking hit me up sometimes when he's in LA. I'm like, what the fuck? I was here for a day. Thank you very much. That's insane. I was here for one day. What do you want me to fucking come see you right after LAX? Yeah
Starting point is 01:30:07 All right. Thanks for doing it, dude, and I'll yeah, thank go watch Hassan and we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye. Bye Like Turkish music don't start this.

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