Stavvy's World - #88 - Mandal and Langston Kerman

Episode Date: August 5, 2024

Mandal and Langston Kerman join the pod to conclude the LA Chronicles/Stavvy's World takeover of the Bad Friends studio. The boys discuss the bullying ecosystem in Atlanta high schools, growing up fat, husky boys fashion options, the sketchiest Uber drivers they've ever had, Tyler Perry movies, and much more. Mandal, Langston and Stav help callers including a woman who's wondering if she should do a mental health check-in with the teenage son of a guy she was dating, and a guy who hasn't been intimate with his girlfriend in two years. Watch Langston Kerman's special BAD POETRY out now on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/title/81757940 Follow Langston Kerman on social media: https://www.langstonkerman.com/ https://www.instagram.com/langstonkerman/ http://twitter.com/langstonkerman https://www.facebook.com/Langston-Kerman-2289836401136534/ Follow Mandal on social media: https://www.instagram.com/themandalman https://www.tiktok.com/@mansandalman      Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to Stavvy's World 904-800 Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We got a nice panel today where of course in our new personal studio that we decorated. It's gorgeous by the way. Thank you man. Yeah, yeah. We're in New York, we're in Astoria, Queens. We have returning Langston, Kerman, of course, and we have Mandel holding it down.

Thanks for coming, dude. We've banished Langston to the non-fat zone of the podcast. You don't get the whole setup. It does feel like you're trying to make me feel smaller in a way. And to be honest, I think we need more of that. We need more banishing of Langston. I agree. And to be honest, I think we need more of that. For the banishment of Langston. I agree.

Such a skinny ass in the corner, you dumb bitch. Very rarely do the levers of power, our fat hands, controlling them, pushing the levers of power. And today they are. And so we've gotten him there. We've got the most handsome, best shaped guy. he is relegated to the shittiest spot. Absolutely, I love that. That's what we're doing. I know, most podcasts, you two show up, you're definitely getting the shittier chair usually.

Absolutely. If you two show up, they're definitely putting him up somewhere nicer. Listen, and I wouldn't stand up for him in that situation. No, no, no. That's how life is, man. This is one for me. There's injustice everywhere. What, do you want me to fix it?

This baby's dying in the Congo. Yeah, I'm getting the better chair. I'm a handsome light skinned man. That's how things work. It's sick, man, on his podcast with Bory bro. I'm telling you, Bory always come in pixelated. Yeah. They in the same room.

He got the 4K camera, he got Bory on the Nokia. It's all sick. Me and Bory about to start a podcast. Slender and laced. Oh shit, this is what happened. They let America get too fat. And we have now outnumbered you. And that's the thing.

Once the workers wake up, then the fats wake up. It's over for everybody. For a year and a half that you guys are all alive at the same time. It's gonna be scary hours. Yeah, you guys are just gonna get your base up a mountain. It's like up a, get your base up a mountain. It's like up a, up a, like not even that steep a hill.

Just up a slight incline. It's like, alright, we're fine. They'll talk to themselves out. They try and storm the citadel. We'll get up here and then we'll be fine. Y'all don't realize, it's hard being fat, bro. I remember at one festival, it was me and two other fat comedians. We got in an Uber together, all of us 400 pounds. And the dude was an Asian, but he was Asian,

not saying that affects anything. But he was an Asian driver. I asked you for songs when you were done, but yeah. He gave us one star. He gave me a one star ride, cause of obesity, that's sick. And that's why I'm on a campaign to get Lacedon up out of here. Whoa.

God. Did he let you sit in the front or were all three of you in the back? Well, no. We had to put somebody. Of course. If all of us were put in the front, if we was all in the back, his bumper

would have been on the ground. Yeah. Sparks wouldn't have been flying. Can I say something? Yes, you can. Go off. I don't know if I'm doing a lot. No, no, please.

Bro, I really appreciate you because you really are a fat icon. Thank you. You're going to make me blush bro. Thank you. No man, you really doing it for fabulous and another thing that you're doing, you almost got my haircut, I always want it. Thanks dude. You got the coat of sack with the long hair and I always want the coat of sack with a

ponytail. The ponytail, what do you think? This is for nothing? No, it's on the way. We're getting there, bro. We're close, we're close. Look at this shit, dude. Nah, once you do that, you're a carry icon. We're close, we're close.

That's hard, yeah. That's the next, I've got a couple things in the, you guys are catching me, I like to think of myself, I'm in the cocoon right now. I didn't mean to come out, but we had the Netflix thing, the Mulaney show, which you guys are working on. That's how we met, you were doing warm up up on the show and you're writing on it, obviously But we've been boys, you know since since the mic days

Since the New York mic days. It's like when you we weren't like we didn't start together, but we restarted together You know what I mean? Like we all came from our own little cities even though you Chicago motherfuckers had a nice little leg up in New York At the time. We did a mass sort of like just arrival. It really was. You all were running every show. Everybody was getting on everything. And then Hannibal was putting everybody up. What the fuck is this?

It got weird. Yeah, but anyway, we did at the same time. So we were like, so anyway, I got out to LA and I was planning on I'm taking basically the first few I'm taking a lot of this year off. Yeah, and so but when I come out of that cocoon I'm gonna be still fat but jacked a little more muscular a little more up top, you know Henry slightly less fat because that's the thing when you're fat as shit. You could lose 100 pounds and still be fat. That's the thing.. It's like, so I'm happy to be, I want to just be the most fat regular guy.

You know what I mean? I want to go back to shopping at general stores. I want to be able to just find a shirt last minute. It doesn't have to be a whole thing. I don't know if I'm going to a wedding, I don't want it to take me six months to make sure I'll be able to be clothed You know what?

when we shot The Netflix special mandel opened for that and I he was the first person I wanted to do this thing Yeah, this bit where he was reading this poem From love Jones. Yeah For the the show I love it and I was like bro, you should wear like a turtleneck. You should wear like a tweed jacket on top of it. Love that look. And he was like, man, that's cool, bro.

Hey, you gonna have to go ahead and make that official for me, the outfit. Cause I'm gonna need about a month and a half. Absolutely. To get that kind of size for my body. That ain't something I can pick up day one. Yeah, Lacey. Lacey, Lacey, Lacey literally gonna hit me like, yeah, it's whatever. that kind of size for my body. That ain't something I can pick up day early. Exactly.

Lacey, Lacey, Lacey literally gonna hit me like, yeah, it's whatever, we'll figure it out the week before, I'm like, no, we won't. There's no chance that's happening. There's no fit having it. No, no, no, absolutely not. Yeah, dude, 100%, there's a lot that goes, I went to, when you got married, I had to go,

I went to Indoch you got married, I had to go, I went to Indochino, and I literally, it was the last suit they had, an Indochino, they were like, the guy looks at me, like, cause you know, they do custom fitting, and I'm like, great, they'll do any, you know, any body. Size don't matter here, we all. This motherfucker looks at me, he's like, oh, he's nervous. You know, I get to Indochino, he's fucking sweating, bro. And then then and he takes the one I guess the the

One before the biggest one just to kind of give himself a little just to give himself a little breathing room And I come on bro not fitting and you spotted it right away And I just cuz it's at the very here you like fucking blue dust off it There's no no fat motherfuckers are going in Docino. And then he goes to the last one and he was like, and he was not, he didn't care a fuck about me at all. It was for him to get commission or whatever, whatever weird structure they have.

And he was just like, oh, thank God, cause we straight up don't make a bigger size. Like he didn't, he wasn't even like, great sir. He didn't like try and sugar coat it. He was just like rude. He just stopped being a professional. He was literally like surprised because I know when I came in he was like, no chance. I know that's what he was thinking. He'll wander for a second and he'll walk out of here. He knows his place. I'm fatter than you bro. You ain't never had them have to pull out a different measuring tape.

The girl tried to get around my waist, she said, hold on one second. We gotta go get that heavy duty. That's when I knew I had to walk out the store. I was at the, and I wasn't even at a fast place. I was at the dang men's warehouse. I was supposed to light the way I look. Yeah.

What happened to the guarantee, you motherfuckers? What happened to him? Is he still with us? I think he is actually. He's got, what's that guy? Zimmerman, his name's Zimmerman or something. We guarantee it, dude, from the men's warehouse. You're gonna like the way I look.

Yeah, I did not know that. Oh, it's a guy. Yeah, he's like dye to add like That's a guy Deeply for fuck's sake what I mean, come on look it up You're in this in paradise You're fucking I see your eyes darting around your fucking head. She's up on Zen. He is dude I'm worse half of bad people. It's tough. It's tough. Don't mind me, folks. It's me from the future here on a beautiful balcony in Greece. I just got done at the beach, the beach you see right behind me, swimming in those salty waters, rejuvenating myself. And I was looking damn sexy doing it thanks to my friends

at Chubby's. That's right. I was wearing this swimsuit right here for our audio listeners. You're going to want to log on to YouTube and look what I'm pointing at a beautiful stretch swimsuit with hot pink and crocodiles on it a crocodile print a very sexy surfer when I was in Malibu She had big teeth. She had big tinnitus. She complimented me on the suit. She was Australian said nice sink mate and You know my think I got well, I'll keep it clean for the our advertiser. But let's just say something inside me stiffened. These I have loved chubbies for years. This is true. We

advertise a lot of dog shit on this podcast. This is not one of those products. I have legitimately worn chubbies since I was a since they came out. I think I was a freshman or a sophomore in college. I love this brand because as a plus size man, a lot of times you buy shorts and you're very limited, right, you get your standard khaki, you get a swimsuit, you might get one print, and also for big guy sizing,

they very rarely let you have short inseams. Chubbies has sized up to three XL and you can get an inseam that's 4.5 inches. I'm a 5.5 man myself, but this is revolutionary to me. Usually big guy shorts, you look like a fucking Juggalo. You look like you're in the NBA in 2001, like Alan Iverson, while David Stern was suspending him, instituting a dress code. Baggy as hell, right? What if you're a fat boy that wants to show his thighs off? Chubby's had you covered. I've been a fan for that exact reason for over a decade. I'm so happy that they're back.

The advertisers with us a little bit last year with the two wolves collection, and I'm just pumped they're back. And you should be pumped too. No other brand for a big boy has the kinds of colors You know, I'm a you know, I like the peacock. You know, I like to look good, right? They have beautiful colors the they have straight and they got not just I'm a shorts guy That's how I know them. I'm happy to be back in the mix with them because I'm gonna try their Friday shirts, too

You know, I'm a Hawaiian guy. They got fun, colorful shirts. They got prints. The fabric feels nice. It's comfortable on your big body. Sorry for the little guys. I know they got clothes for you too, but I'm talking from my perspective here. I love Chubbies. I've loved them for, like I said, over a decade,

and you will too. Join the Chubbies Armada with me. Pledge your fealty to Chubbies. Buy, and you don't have to do it at full price because for our fans they have a limited time offer, 20% off, that's right 20% off if you use the code STAVVVY, very important to use that code, they know what we said yet, STAVVVY at checkout, support the show, look fly as hell for the end of the summer or for the rest of your life.

Sometimes I just buy swimsuits to get ready for the next of the summer or for the rest of your life. Sometimes I just buy swimsuits to get ready for the next season, baby. I'm literally wearing a different type of chubbies right now. That's how much I love chubbies. And this wasn't planned. I've been out of the country for weeks and we just got chubbies to sign on. I just had this in my closet.

You know it's a real endorsement, you dummies. Chubbies and use code STAVI, S-T-A-V-E-Y, I love you, goodbye. Yeah. I have gotten into the, I have definitely gotten into big and tall culture, the stores, but I'm starting to get a little too comfortable. I don't want to- What do you mean by the culture?

Just like really setting up shop in big and tall. You know? Knowing when the new drops are coming. You know what I mean? It's like, I'm like, all right. It's got, I have certain levels that I've hit that I'm like too comfortable here. It's one thing to pop in for a second,

had a rough couple months, I need a fucking pants from big and tall, no big deal. But when I'm, it's bookmarked, when I know, oh, they got, oh, I mean, they got Nautica this time? You know, like I know Polo, Pol got Nautica this time? You know, like I know Polo, Polo's all over the big and tall. I'm polo'd up. One thing they gonna do, they gonna do that big and tall, they gonna plaid you.

They will plaid you up. They will get you a print. They will print you. You know something, I had a bit about this for a while, but you know, the biggest issue for me is that, and you're a little bit taller than me You just overall just you you're Don't you worry about maybe they'd be so big they'd be so focused on all if you fit you also tall right? It's rarely like nah. I'm just fat and short. like yeah, we don't that ain't that ain't American

It's fucked up to like it's like come on guys if it ain't at this store. Where the fuck am I getting pants? Come on you motherfuckers See I want a store that has big or tall Yeah big or tall I want big or tall not big hands And by the way while we're on the fucking side, Langston you can leave actually This is feeling I'm having a good time While we're on the fucking so like you can leave actually Not feeling like I'm earning

And I'm happy you're dressed but Based off of your story, it seems like you should be ass naked. Just begging for large, large clothes. Large short clothes. While we're on the subject, the models are all tall. Why? I mean, let me see some representation in my own store. Why can't we get someone who's fat as shit? And sometimes they'll get a chubby guy, but give me a fucking obese guy. Absolutely. Let the guy be fat as fucking ugly. That's who's at your fucking stores.

I've been saying this the whole time. I want to be like the first fat catalog model. I want to be in there like that. I want y'all to have the model where you hold your hands up and your belly shows Cuz you know I went up on this special and You know like the crowd with all his friends and family, everybody's attractive. Yeah. Yeah.

He's the most attractive stand up comedy artist I ever seen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I'm like, what happened to him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What, why, why you not? Right, right, let's get to the bottom of this. Why you not coaching for both?

I got abuse like the rest of them. Yeah, okay, okay, there you go. Emotionally. Yeah, yeah. Sure, sure, sure. I'm like, why is he funny? Right, right, right. Well, it is true that like, if everyone's hot, then no one's hot.

Absolutely. Right? So he probably got emotionally like some with, like maybe you had some hot parents, you know what I mean? Maybe you're, you know what I mean? Like, cause like fat parents, I do feel like the thinner, I feel like the thinner you are the meaner you are. The fatter you are the more violent I feel like. Like a real fat abuse is like much more like, you know, I don't know,

just at least in my experience it's just been like, it hasn't been mind games. It's simpler. You know what I mean? in my experience, it's just been like, it hasn't been mind games, it's simpler. You know what I mean? And now I'm fine, maybe I'm falling in some ugly stereotypes about our body types. But like, it is like that, you know, like I can see it being, you know,

some emotionally withholding, you know, what it tells us, like, what's the back, what's your parents like? We talked about this, right? I don't wanna just get sad. My parents are lovely people. They loved me dearly. I think I just come from my mom has been married four times.

Oh, that's right. We talked about this on the last one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it is. Too hot. Too many options. They always were looking for better. I said that to my mother many times.

Couple of fat, homely parents right here, they were stuck with each other. So they took it out on their children. But you know something, bro? I got the opposite. So my parents was cool. If you look at my dad growing up. Where'd you grow up by the way?

I grew up in Atlanta. I'm from Atlanta. Okay, cool. Great city. They was cool. So I came out fat and that was a struggle for them. You get what I'm saying? I'm like, uh, anime! I'm like, uh, anime!

I watch wrestling! And they're like, what a basketball ad, bro! What an idea! They're like, come on, man, they'll at least be the nose tackle. At least play some football. Absolutely. You know, when I was growing up, when I was growing up, I felt like my dad

was always trying to like, he always thought I was might be gay. Yeah, yeah. But then it hit a point where I could tell that when I got older, he was rathering that I was. Yeah, yeah. Because that was cooler than me just not being attractive. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You get what I'm saying? Yes. Getting cock is so much better than wanting but never getting pussy. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying? Yes, getting cock is so much better than wanting but never getting pussy. That's what I'm saying. That affect him because then that's in the gene. By the way, it's incredible to be such a fat loser that your father from Atlanta became not homophobic. That is like a testament to how much shit was going bad for you in middle school.

Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely. I do think more people should know how much dick you can get if you become gay. Absolutely. I started crunching the numbers. I was like, I didn't get pussy in high school. So I was like, could I just be gay? And I ultimately could not pull the trigger. And I thank God did get pussy by the time college rolled around But for a second, it's like that is an elegant solution I've had to play a gay

Gayish person. Yeah. Yeah on television or times, right and to this day It is the most motherfuckers who DM me. It's just men showing me their open asshole and being like, you like this? And I don't. As it turns out, I'm not a fan. I've seen enough of it at this point to know it wasn't personal. It truly is across the board.

None of these assholes have ever attempted me once. But man, would I be cleaning the fuck up if I just decided to go the other way Yeah, that's that's a bro and you know something that's something special that you always have in your back pocket Abandon your family abandon your family become a gay guy do what everyone thinks happens in Hollywood Damn that that is so funny. Do you have any other siblings? No, I'm an only child. Only child, so you were it.

Yeah, yeah. You were it. I'm my mom's only kid. My dad has like so many. A lot of kids. Oh, many! I will say this, he has a bunch of kids because he was cool.

A bunch of kids, plenty by plenty. I can't say that, that is the truth. That's just empirical data. But he's lucky though, because I'm like the middle of all the kids and the dude that's older than me, who we have the same name, he's cool. He's cool. He did in my man high school.

You know what I'm saying? He was very cool guy. I love that you call him the dude that's not your brother. The gentleman I met. My brother. My brother. My brother. My brother.

My brother. My brother. My brother. So you live in New Bro, I'm gonna kid you. So you live in New York. I live in New York. I have a place in Baltimore. I got a place in Baltimore now. I grew up in Baltimore. And part of me was like, I think I'm gonna live in Baltimore half the time. But I can't fucking do it.

I gotta be here. You realize when you're home, you're like, I can't be here that much. I gotta get the fuck out of here. But I do love it. But yeah, I'm in New York and I love it there. And it really made me want to just fucking really get back in the mix with New York in a serious way.

Just being in Baltimore. Being in Baltimore, and also, cause I was like on the road and I was like, do I even need to live in New York? It's fucking expensive. I have money, but I try to buy a place. You can't buy a place unless you're fucking a Saudi prince in New York, it's fucking expensive. I have money, but I try to buy a place. You can't buy a place unless you're fucking a Saudi prince in New York. It's like, you get rich, you're like, great, I've done it.

It's like, no, you have to fucking, you know. No, you got sort of rich. Yeah, I got, you buy a house in Baltimore, no problem. I could buy the best house in Baltimore. You didn't realize there were tiers above rich. The tiers are wild, bro. It's insane, yeah. But yeah, would you move here?

I don't know. I don't want to. I really don't want to. And as much as I, I like, I've been thinking about, I've been, because like I said, the cocoon, I'm in like a little crisis where I'm trying to figure my life out. Cause you, shit worked out and it's like,

oh, I never thought I'd get this successful, ever. I thought I'd just get the headline, comedy clubs. And so now I'm like, well, I got more than what I wanted but life still sucks dick So why did that happen? And so now I'm trying to figure it out and so I and I'm I want to act a little bit But dude ultimately it's fucked up. I just fucking love stand-up Yeah, it just always comes back to that and it's the best It's the best lifestyle if you can just control it a little bit.

And I'm just trying to learn not to have to go, don't get fucked up, don't go crazy on the road. I probably should try and be in a relationship because then it's like, the biggest thing is just getting fucked up and trying to get pussy after every show. And if you take that away and you replace that with a fulfilling family life,

then maybe I won't die at fucking 52, which is what I'm cruising for right now. You know what I mean? If I get there, bro, this is how I believe life works. You know what I mean? I don't know. But I believe you get oh so much all-stars from Waffle House. And I done had my allowed amount for a lifetime.

So now every other one- The next one could be the one that kills you. awful house. Yeah. And I had my allowed amount for a lifetime. So now every other one could be the one that kills you. So right now I think I'm sitting around 48. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now if I eat another one, right. We 47.7. I don't think it's a whole month, but yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you're right. Definitely. It's coming down. I'm not lying. Bro, I wanna move here, but the issue is, cause I live in Atlanta and I never moved

and I should have. I was supposed to move to Pennsylvania. I'm trying to move, but I'm 30 now. 30, oh yeah. That's why I feel late to move, you know. Whatever. But I wanted to move to LA, but the issue is all the toilet bowl waters are too low, man.

The flushing is tough around here. It's sick. And then they got nice Mexican folks selling bacon wrapped hot dogs. And it's like you can't have both. You can't, no, no, no. Wait, you're saying that the Mexican ladies shouldn't be selling those hot dogs?

No, I think they should, but if you go have that, you gonna have some hashtag real poopers. Yeah. Yeah. And you can't have low toilet water because then you get the skid marks. It's not just the low toilet water, You're gonna have some hashtag real poopers Not just a little toilet water it's the pressure with which it flushes Real this city is on fire 98% of the time

It was raining a lot this year, bro Let's get some fucking water pressure up in the in the toilets on this platform, I just want to say shout out to all my real poopers. You should feel sane, you should feel loved. Eldis is smiling right now. You want to talk about love. We lived together and I think you probably, Eldis clogged the toilet at least every two weeks. Let's go. You were definitely on a two week.

Yeah, you know sometimes I mean you know you think you're okay with a toilet paper but you try flushing and you're like I know that was a two that was a two wipe and flush kind of thing sometimes it didn't make sense but sometimes it's not even like oh I use too much toilet paper it's never I use too much toilet paper. For this fucking guy? Yeah. He's a fucking six-five, you know, obese Albanian. Yeah. Now he's looking better than he was when we lived together. He was fat. We were both really in a brutal way. Just everything that came out of you was like the toilet said no. It's not a good feeling when you take a shit and like the toilet paper is still in the toilet that means like the shit clogged the pipes not the toilet paper

laughter laughter laughter laughter This fucking guy, it's hilarious Have you ever been at somebody's house and you clogged the toilet and they don't have the pleasure you gotta tell them laughter I always be like yeah man my bad for the paper, even if I know it was just me.

Of course, if it was pure shit. You don't want them to know that about you. Sorry, it's too much paper. Every youth actor needs a plunger. You got a plunger in the basement. Real poopers that we got. I do believe in that. Absolutely, that's beautiful.

It's just smart. Yeah, come on. I done seen people pull the plunger out of the, under the kitchen sink. That's twisted. Yeah, that's fucked up. That's twisted. Make you do the walker out of the under the kitchen sink. That's twisted. Yeah, that's fucked up. That's twisted. Make you do the walk of shame to the things.

But yo, you shouldn't keep that in the kitchen, man. No, I'm with you. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I know. Mandel, sorry, can you put that little statue behind the microphone? Yeah, totally. Yeah, in the corner there.

Is that cool? There you go, looking good. Yes, sir. Cool. Yeah, man, it's a, but you know, I like it out here man. I had a Uber driver who, he wouldn't let us get out the car before he gave us his brand of meat pills.

Meat pills? I was passing out meat pills to everybody. He said, I quote- What are meat pills exactly? Pills for your meat. Oh, dick pills. Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, so he said it was male enhancement

because he said men can't get BBLs. So, this is they BBLs. So, his was more of a plumping situation than a hardening situation? He said, man, keep you going. He said big boy the radio host saved his family in Aruba with his medicine. He called it medicine.

Because it gave him like energy. That's what he said. He said he's selling me pills. In fact, I'm gonna tell you, and I'm not making this up, I don't want to name, I don't want to say, I don't want to give him the... But he did say, my favorite part was he was like, yeah man, and if you go down to Hollywood, it's some cheap models down there. He said, they're models down there, they broke. You go down there, you just buy my dinner, you take this supplement, and I was like, hey man, I don't think you know what type of dude I am.

I'm just trying to figure out more ways to pay my rent. I don't want to go to get the cheap model. It's cheap models are awesome. Nothing makes me feel lower than when you find out what your Uber driver is willing to talk to you about. You know what I mean? Like as a kid, they go, I know if I say this, you will still give me good start. Totally. He looked at Mandel, he was like, all right, let me do some starter sex trafficking.

With this kid. This guy looks like a guy who wants to know how to sex traffic some fucking, some Ukrainians that thought they were getting out of a war torn area. And I'm not making this up. He said Kevin Hart uses his stuff. And he said Kevin Hart uses his stuff.

He said he tried to get Kanye to use it. I, he, that's what the dude says. He's, Kevin Hart is using it, man. He said, he's trying to get Kanye to use it. He's like, whoa. He's trying to recruit Kanye now. And he told me, he said, he's giving them to me for free so I can say it in my set. Oh, wow. Gorilla marketing. Yeah. Have you tried one yet? Absolutely not. You know what, you know what my favorite part of this whole conversation was like? Yeah, man, I got this made by a real chemist. And there's two issues that I have with that sentence.

Two parts. First, the fact that he had to say real. And second, you know when we put stuff in our bodies, I want a doctor. Yeah, right. Right. Chemist isn't good enough for you. Chemists make potions. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? I think you're thinking of witches. Yeah, same thing to me. I'm from the South.

Chemists use call dreams. Look. Yeah. You know, it's Newts and I have toad and that kind of shit. Yeah, man, but shout out to him, man. He said he on the drive Uber for fun and just to meet people.

Damn. Definitely. His real business and passion is meat pills. That's definitely true. I had an Uber driver recently, I got in the car and he was playing a YouTube at the front dash. It was two men arguing about the fact that BBLs recently they've discovered that BBLs stink That there's like an odor That's what he was playing with a volume up. Volume up. It was BBLs stink and two niggas being like yeah I was with a bitch and I was like, I was like baby

You got an odor about you. Now let me ask you this Was it playing off the phone or did he have it Bluetooth connected into the whole off the phone, Bluetooth, yeah through the phone, Bluetooth, this was for all of our enjoyment. That's awesome, because I've been in an Uber where they'll play like something and they'll personally be watching the news. No, no, no, you offered me nothing else. That's awesome. Besides stinky BBL and light conversation. That's awesome. Can I, I don't know if I'm taking up too much airtime.

No, no, dude, please go crazy. Can I tell my favorite Uber story? Absolutely. Bro, I'm in Atlanta and it's a dude, he's a Uber man, which y'all know based on the stories we have been telling. So I should have said that. But he was driving the Uber and he's playing a sermon in his church.

The church is very, very small. And it's a dude breaking down how Soldier Boy's Yule, a Superman song, is worshiping the devil. And he was like, he was like, you know, he was like, you know what they call a Superman, right? And then, and then the crowd is like indifferent in the video. And then he's like, a Superman is what a dude take his stuff

and a man, only a man can make, put it on a towel and put it on a woman's back. He's literally going over the thing we said as children that no one's ever done. He said, you know what a Robocopy is? He's like, that's what he said, that same stuff, put it in a bucket, and put it on a woman's ass. And I'm like, honestly, Pritchard, man,

I think you the freak. I think you're the freak. No, no regular person thought that. And he- Why you know the road no got this? And what point was he making? He was saying that we can't let our kids listen to this stuff.

No. Cause they ingrain and twist that stuff into their heads. But you're putting it in our heads, big dog. I didn't know that. I thought we were just dancing. And then he pulled out a notepad and asked for my email. So I gotta talk to you again. He wasn't even a preacher though.

So he's just talking. Oh, I thought he was watching a sermon. No, it was a video that he pulled out a whole laptop, not an iPad, a laptop. A laptop? And handed it to us. Of himself? No, he's just a member laptop, not an iPad, a laptop. A laptop. And handed it to us. Of himself? No, he's just a member of this church.

That's his homie. He's just a loyalist to the Superman church. He put out a laptop, like, open up, and he put it in the back with me and my homeboy and had us watch this video. Oh, he's not watching with you. No, he put out a laptop. He's like, I got something to show you guys.

I thought it was like sitting in the front and we all get to experience this. No, he got in the car, he said, I'm a part of this church, I wanna show y'all this sermon. Before he takes his foot off the gas, he opens up a laptop, type-6 Superman clip. Cause he thought that this was gonna convert me.

Put it in the back seat and say, now don't you wanna join me? Don't you wanna live a Christian life with me, man? Don't you wanna love God with me? In my church of five people. That cat was sick, man. And let me tell you something, he wasn't even a preacher though.

That's the part that I believe. Yeah, I believe that. Of course it wasn't. He was probably in like a back room. I looked at a house once, I looked at an apartment and they were just running. It was like just some like Bahamian dude that was running his own unaccredited church

in the basement. It was fucking weird, dude. It felt like a little, it was like a little like voodoo, like light voodoo type shit was going on around there. Plus just a lot of Christian iconography, but it's like, you'll get a lot of those little ass churches

that it's like, who the fuck is even in charge of this? You can do whatever the fuck you want. I mean, a lot of small churches can go very well. That's how you get a cult starting. It's like a proto cult. You gotta think about how many churches had snakes that killed people and we just don't know about it. We'll never know about it.

You know what I mean? Like all the ones that are fucking around with weird fucking shit. And it just kills a lady. And now that church closes up and we have no clue. No idea. It's a weird thing, cause I'm a Christian, bro. Yeah, I was gonna ask you, Atlanta,

I feel like everyone is, there's a lot of church going on. Absolutely, I grew up, I'm a, as a black Georgia person, I can be, absolutely. But nonetheless, it do be some insane individuals, bro. Absolutely. Insane individuals, bro. Yeah. I mean, Atlanta also leads the country

in like church gay guys. In like just choir directors that say they haven't met the right woman yet, that are still looking for the right woman. When the Lord finally puts her in his life. Yeah Here's the thing though, bro, it's I think that they really do make great music. Absolutely No church with those guys. It's like they're the best. It's like y'all are killing it That's why I think parades were better in the 50s. All gay guys had was planning parades.

That's all they had to fucking do, dude. I bet you go back in time, the Fourth of July parade in 1954 was going off. The floats were out of control because they can't have gay sex. Because the second you can fuck a guy's ass, you're not putting that much effort into the float. But if you put all that, all that energy, oh, incredible.

Incredible stuff. And the same way, and you still get that at a choir in Atlanta. You still get that energy. It's, I have nothing else but my art, and I will make my art everything. Why is Tyler Perry so prolific? Bro, you know, like that. You say what you want about the quality of the films. but my art and I will make my art everything. Why is Tyler Perry so prolific? Bro, listen, you say what you want about the quality of the films. But he's coming out. The man does not stop producing ever.

Can I say something, bro? Can I say something? I'm gonna say something. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, I am, I do not enjoy the Tyler Perry stuff. Okay. No, no, no, I thought you were going the other way. I am going the other way. I am going the other way. What's the but?

But I do respect it. Yeah. And the reason why, I know a lot of people don't, I respect it because when I was seven years old, nine years old, we took my grandmama to go see Medea's class reunion at the Fox City in Atlanta. And to her left, to her right, everybody looked just like her. And then when he said a lady walked in,

and she had a silver shirt, she said, you walking in that lady looking like a aluminum foil. And I saw thousands of 48 year old black women. Ah! And I said, this is for somebody. They like this, man. These are good people. These people raise families, they go to work,

and then they wanna come home and watch a dude in a dress act like a grandma. What is wrong with that? I'm with you. You're saying we're pretending as if these are flyover people when they are valued citizens of our... These are real human beings. It's just number, yeah, there's a lot of them. And he is providing a service for them.

I'm totally with you. The place against the funniest is that, is when he starts making moral judgments. Like say what you want about the quality of the comedy, but it's so funny when it's like in everything it's like the wife who was being abused gets AIDS because she like cheats with a man who over years like she became friends with and they made a real relationship and it's like yeah it's all the person who loses is always like the wife who doesn't respect the man. The one person he doesn't want to have sex with. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get why everyone makes that point.

But I think that... But I'm with you. I tried to get my family to go see Medea's Halloween on Thanksgiving when it was in the Dollar Theater. And no one would go with me. You know? But it's definitely... They just like it. Yeah. It's a unique schlock on TV. You know, boo, Madea's Halloween came from a Chris Rock bit.

No. He heard the bit and he was like, that's a good idea. Literally, the year I wrote for the Oscars, Chris Rock put in a bit from that Oscars room about making a joke that next Tyler Perry is going to make boo a Medea's Halloween. That's awesome. And then Tyler, he didn't ask for consent from Tyler Perry. And then Tyler Perry caught wind of the joke because it airs on the fucking Oscars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he basically like pressures Lionsgate. That's awesome. Into like or pressures them into like a lawsuit type situation or he just goes and makes the shit.

That's hard. And so he went and made the shit. That actually is awesome. And then, and then Chris sort of clocked it and was like, cause he didn't sue Chris, he just made threats Rope blew a medias Halloween and then never said anything to Chris and then Chris clocked it and he had to decide whether he was gonna Should he sue for taking his intellectual property? Fucking going crazy. That is awesome to be like, yeah, fuck it. I'll do it. I'll make it

We gonna make fun of your family, we're gonna take cross country, man. Yeah. We're gonna make the movie, we're gonna make the merch. The ride, it would be a great scene part. There's two movies, you made two of them. A video game? Yeah, oh, there's two.

There's two movies. It would be an incredible video game. What if we're in there? With the hunting ghosts. We're hitting them with our birds. Yeah, yeah. I like that idea. With the ghosts.

I like that idea. I'm just saying, it's like a, it's one, I like that idea. With her boobs. I like that one. I like that one too. It's like a, it's one of them like investigation games. Oh yeah, you have to find clues. Yeah, and then you have to like do different costumes and as Madea, he has to dress up as a dude. Yeah. Oh, it's Madea pretending to be a guy to gain entry

in some kind of men's only, Absolutely. Like she has to sneak into like, to be a god to gain entry into some kind of men's only, she has to sneak into like, what are the fucking, what is those secret societies called? Like the Skull and Bones. Skull and Bones, like what were the simpsons, the stone cut, the masons, she has to sneak into a freemason's lodge.

So Tyler Perry puts on, he hides his fake titties, but he doesn't take them off, has to hide them over a large coat. No, it's a Mrs. Doubtfire on top of a Mrs. Doubtfire. Oh wow, a double Doubtfire, that's good. Something interesting that y'all should check out, it's a scene in the Family Reunion play. I've seen all these plays a thousand times

when I was a kid. Did you see them live? I saw the classroom in the lab, but all the rest of them, the tapes just went around. Right, right, right. It was like, every grandmama had these videos. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Bro, it's one where it's a family reunion and it's a lady talking to a boy.

The way the stage is set up, it's outside of a house, and then Madea comes to open the door and tells him to come in. But when he opened the door, he has no shirt on. So it's just the fake bags hanging out. And it's like a funny little bit. But like he literally opens the door without no shirt. And the crowd laughs. Is he wearing a fake bra? No, it's the actual like costume bag.

Loose cotton titties. And she's swimming around. And then everybody laughs at it. And I look back at it like, hey man, that was insane. I see, I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see.

I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see.

I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. I see. Baltimore yeah, and and it's insane that because I think about that and there would be Greek You know Greek people are like I don't know 1% of America

Whatever the fuck like small maybe less than that and we would have like we used to have My parents were like a community play thing and they would put on place to like entertain themselves because they're in a foreign country That doesn't get their culture. It's insane how big plays were for black people up until really like I don't know four years ago. I know. There are still, if you listen to real radio, there are still some of them plays out there. But that's almost like, they don't go viral and then become. They don't have to be anymore because it's like you know there actually does feel like there's been Real like black media with like real staying power in the last 20 30 years But that is fucking wild how like reduced in the media landscape black people a huge Percentage of the fucking like you had to go do basically your own vaudeville shit

Yeah for people for grandmas to see something That's fucking crazy. And then the round. But that alone is why I'm on board. Yeah. I get the people who are like, hey bro, this stuff sucked. And even that point you made, like, listen,

the dude who had money was Donkey Kong in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She found a Christian dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's a Christian dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He broke but he swole, but he loved God so it's cool. I get all that being what it is. I love that movie, by the way, the one we're talking about where that happens.

I forget what it's called. With the mother of a man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The murder of a mad black woman. It's so fucking awesome when she gets AIDS. It's like, holy shit, this is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life, dude. I get that, I just be like, bro, my grandmama like it.

Yeah, yeah. Other grandmama like it. Yeah, yeah. And these people go to work every day. Take a moment, watch that. What's nice about it is when like a black grandmother is ignorant, it's like there's some artistry behind it. It's not just watching Fox News.

It's like there's a whole movie about how gay people will give you AIDS. You know what I mean? There's like, you know, it's really, it's fun. Well, nobody will ever affirm our grandmothers anywhere. Like they just have lived their lives completely unaffirmed. So everything is just a beautiful invention from their heads into their hearts.

That's true. It has to be insane. You just have to make it up because everybody is gonna call you crazy and not acknowledge your fucking existence. So it's like, well, shit. Yeah. No, and you're right. And that's the first step. You need someone like Tyler Perry to just fucking... Yeah, you're not crazy. Look. Look at what I made for you.

You're having insane thoughts. Let me just make in the most fucking ridiculous movies and sitcoms you've ever seen in your life. And he is cranking them out at like a 1920s pace. Like he feels like he's just actors locked up in a big fucking warehouse. And he changes the sets to like this quality I have a barber in Atlanta when I was shooting down there who works on Tyler Perry's studio set

Sometimes yeah, and he said they are shooting 28 pages For some of the shows that they're working on Writing it on the fly. Like literally typing the shit and being like, say this. And then a man will say it, and then they get to the next goddamn scene. That's awesome, dude. In Atlanta, where his studio is, used to be an entire neighborhood.

They changed the name on the exit from the neighborhood to Tyler Perry's studio. It's a cult. And look man, the stuff is crazy. The Weasley on backwards, somebody lost their leg, Jews, I don't know, something crazy. I'd love to get Tyler Perry's take on Israel. Now that one, he ain't gonna support the grandma zone.

He don't really turn on the grandmas when it comes to the Israel stuff. It be stuff like that. But bro, these folks go to work every day, they watch the silly stuff, they go to bed. Yeah, no you're right. No harm no fault. I'm fully, you're right. No harm, no foul. I'm fully with you, I'm on board. And that is like the best, when you get down to the best art, or even the most prolific art,

it's like just someone so clearly not trying to deal with themselves. Tyler Perry just does not wanna actually look inward for one second. No, that's scary in there. Not for one second. It's like's scary. Not for one second. Come on, man. It's like, why did John Travolta love being in the woman's fat suit for that shitty fucking,

the Baltimore movie, what was it called? The John Waters movie they remade? Ah, fuck. Babyface? No, dude. Oh, was this where he was the mob boss or whatever? No, no, no, I can't believe is this the the where he was? No, I can't believe I'm fucking blank on it's like a fucking classic Baltimore Ricky Lake is in it It's the dancing movies John John Waters hairspray hairspray. They remake hairspray. Yeah, and John Travolta Yeah fresh off the scandal where he tried to where he opened his asshole up for a masseuse a male masseuse

He's talking about how he feels the most comfortable he's ever felt in his life, playing a woman in a fat suit. It's like, all right, John. Come on, John. You say, like all the, all the Scientology hide your gayness training didn't tell you to let, keep that one inside.

Yeah, it doesn't have to be a high mouthed thought. You know what I mean? Like, you know, it's like, and Tyler Parrott's like, what a coincidence. Yeah. Your trademark character is, but it's like, yeah, let him run for, he's running so fast away from some realities

that he just has to shoot 28 pages a day. My only issue, and I don't disagree with what y'all are saying, but my only issue is I do think there should be a cap. And I think it's the issue with capitalism in its people. No, run your scam. 100% all of that, these people absolutely need to be affirmed. No one should take that from you. You shouldn't get a billion dollars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's wrong. And he's taking up a lot of the oxygen of

like being able to like, like we can't maybe get somebody else to do a take. Yeah. Someone else take a pass at it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? Is he the best Madea or? Oh yeah, you're good, you're pro Madea. You think it should be like Batman,

whereas who's getting you Madea? You're like the Joker where every prestige actress. We gotta get fluently as Madea and see what that's like. Hey. Oh, that's a great idea. Come on. We just changed my opinion, bro. Yeah.

I agree, it should be a cap. Yeah. Cause after a while, after a while it is enough of, I do think my people have seen enough of that. Yeah, come on. I agree, I agree. I renege on everything. Your grandma still has the tapes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's good. She don't need more Wyrma still has the tapes, she's good. She don't need more poison. She's got the original. We all need a little Pepsi every once in a while to feel something, but you don't gotta do that every day. I guess, because I always made that argument, because it's like, nobody say this type of stuff about Jersey Shore, you get what I'm saying?

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Like it's detrimental, it's like, it's a bunch of trash. But the thing is, Italians get a, there's also Martin Scorsese, you know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's natural, man. It's like, it's a bunch of trash. It's easy. But the thing is, Italians get a, there's also Martin Scorsese. Yeah. You know what I mean? And like, like I do feel like Tyler Perry definitely takes up a lot of the like, when execs are looking at it, they're like, wow, I mean, there's, there's this much black shit.

We don't need more black shit. I mean, you know what I mean? And so, and he's, that's where the cap comes in. Yeah. You know? A hundred percent. It's too much power's where the cap comes in. Yeah, a hundred percent It's too much power. Let's let's walk it back a little bit. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah, this is great Well, we got to the bottom of Madea Well, this is about time for us to do some calls yeah, all right Wow boys, this is so fun

We I mean definitely Lanks been on come back there. If you ever in New York hit me up do it do another do another episode Absolutely, because there's I'd love to get more into Atlanta and growing up as a as a fat nerd in Atlanta Tough I remember because Baltimore, you know, I grew up my high school was all black It was like 85% black So I know the plight of the fat black nerd because it was as a white fat guy You could always kind of like just be the coolest white guy Yeah, that's all you had to do in a black high school as a white person is just yeah be the coolest white guy

And you were so set right you know because everybody likes the one cool white guy the funny way The one the one who like can make fun of other people, but boy must've been tough for being an anime fan. Absolutely. Like a fat anime fan. Can I say something though? At my school, we only had one white dude, and I'm gonna be honest with you, they was beating the mess out there, boy.

They was beating the mess. It can't be one, one is too few. I'm gonna say something wild, bro. I'm gonna say something wild that I might regret, bro. But if that cat didn't grow a race, then he hated him. They was beating the mess out of that boy. I just think back on that. He just looked crazy.

They was talking crazy, and he would say, shit up, they said, what? Boom, boom, boom. He probably got that head shaved, wearing that leather jacket, and went. It's so funny. Objectively, it's so funny to be racist every single day to the same person. Yeah.

Bro. I got bullied too, but I was happy when he pulled up. Yeah. Bro. Cause I got bullied too, but I was happy when he pulled it up. It's one thing to be racist to a bunch of people, a brand new group. It's one guy over and over again. Just the same dude. Just beat the shit out of him because he's white. That's fucking cool. That's tough.

He probably was a loser too though or what? I'm gonna be honest with you bro. They was beating on the man. He never had a chance. though or what? They was being on the man Left the school I'm done with the whole of this whole school version of you. I think you gotta transfer the key. There's no lesson to be learned. The bullies won. Go home. Yeah, absolutely. It is not a fucking Disney movie.

Oh, fuck. Alright, let's play a... Anything you guys want to plug, by the way, at the halfway point here, fellas? Anything you want to say? I don't got nothing. You're good? Yeah, yeah. Listen to my mama told me it's a podcast with me and David Borg. That's right. We talk shit. All right Eldest, let's see what we got.

Hey, Sal Rose, my sexy little stinky man. What? I just, you know, I have an issue I guess where You know, I have an issue I guess where Like many men who call into the show their bitch of a partner just doesn't give them any cooter or any pussy Now that's like that's I'm not trying to be funny. I genuinely think that like Critical advice already know you're gonna say something very critical of myself. Like, you know, I'm doing something wrong with you. Vibes alone. That's always the case. I think there's a lot of guys out here.

Yeah, well, he's coming in hot. Who might be in a different scenario than myself, but I think that it might be okay to cheat on your partner if they're just 100%. They've become like asexual and my question is do you agree that's okay if you're getting no pussy for context it's been two years since I've had sex and it's like actually ruining my fucking life like I just drink all the time. I've got all this resentment towards this bitch now. Okay. You're not in a relationship anymore.

Like, you're not, I wouldn't even call it cheating. You're a coward who won't, anyway, let's finish this because this is insane. Two years, and by the way, yes, your vibes are so off. He came in so wild. Truly off. And look, I get that. I can't even imagine being an incel while having to do boyfriend shit.

Imagine having to do chores. At least incels get to game all day. Incels don't ever have to go to the farmer's market against their will. They're debating over insurance and still not getting pussy. That's a nightmare. Anyway, before I fully flame this guy, let's hear out the rest of his call I guess I'm in a situation where I can't break up with them I can't go into details on that, but I just can't do it. I can't answer your

Yeah, man, I don't know Vice from your dude. I'm in a situation. She has a hard drive of child pornography that I downloaded so I have to stay in a relationship I mean what what do you mean you can't break up with her? Yeah, that's the part I want to know yeah, you can't just not say you can't be one of the worst guys I've ever spoken to in 90 seconds and then be like, but I can't tell you everything I was about to say he he called with a Familiarity as if every dude that calls this show speaks like this Yeah, and I couldn't tell if I got lucky on my last episode

Okay, yeah, cuz when I listen I say okay, maybe maybe I don't know the fan My little sticky man stinky man will make me block you. No, yeah, this guy's brutal for sure. And again, an error in producing, nothing we're not used to here at Stomps World. Elders will do this all the time, we'll let the wrong people through. But go ahead, let's finish it.

The full guest and yourself, my little prince. But honestly, there has to be a point in which if you've spoken about it, which I have, if you've tried to improve things that your partner told you would sort of improve this aspect and you have like you hit a point where sometimes in my opinion it's all right to cheat which I've not done yet Why do you say it like a BSA? I just wanted to see what your opinion was on that thank you my sweet baby boy and thanks Elvis and Jess

Bye Sweet baby boy. And thanks to Elvis and Jess. Bye. He's not, the thing that he can't tell us why they can't break up is insane. Because what every piece of information we have is that he just has a person he's had a falling out with. This is not a girlfriend. You're not dating someone if you haven't fucked in two years.

Now, I would love it, and it would show the character of this guy if the reason he can't break up was like, by the way, she's got terminal cancer. Or something like that. She's got some kind of disease. But it's like, dude, off of what you've told us, breaking up is not an option is a fucking insane thing.

You hate her. You fucking don't... She doesn't like you. She's not trying to fuck you. You know, there's something going on. And yes, you're right. My hunch is you're absolutely adding to this situation just because you have that pent up horrible, like I said, in-cell energy plus the resentment of being in a relationship. That's a really bad combo.

Can I say what I genuinely think he's calling about? Yeah, please. He wants to kill her. I genuinely believe he wants to kill that lady. But it's like... And I think he cannot bring himself to say that. Right, so he said cheat. So he said, I want to know if you think it's okay for me to cheat on her so that he can start to justify.

Yeah, it's the beginning. He's beginning the train of wanting to murder a human being. We will not give him pussy. We're not on, you cannot do that. Let me be clear. We are staunchly against that. And yeah, dude, it's like, I just don't, the just like hatred in this guy's voice when he talks about his partner. I'm more concerned about the lady.

Yeah. I want him to break up so he can be away from her. Absolutely. Well that's the thing. He hates her guts. You clearly hate her. And what, a group that's, two people that aren't having sex and one is cheating on the other,

how, in what world is that a relationship? Like, what do you mean you can't break up? I mean, really, what, it's just like, this is a horrible call. This is, Elvis, you really blew it. This guy sucks, he didn't give us enough information, and I'm scared for this lady. Puts me in a bad mood, I mean, really,

oh for seven in many ways. And so yeah, dude, I don't know. I don't know. We really can't give you the information. You're coming in a little too hot. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say you're not this much of a piece of shit that you were trying to be funny

and then self-consciously pretended you weren't afterwards. But at the same time, there is just a. Just something so dark and sinister. Absolutely. Can I give him some advice? Yeah, go down so like the meat pill Uber driver said. The cheap model. The cheap model down in Hollywood. I don't want him near that hill.

No, no, no, don't need him. Those are nice girls. Take them back. I absolutely take them back. I think you need to get on that lithium. Yeah, absolutely. And look, there probably is better advice to give you, but you cannot tell us, give us that call, and not say, I can't tell you why we can't break up. What the fuck do you think this means? What kind of show do you think this is? That we just will guess?

You think we're just gonna be like, oh, okay, man. Oh, you can't do the clear solution, which is get out of this relationship? Then yeah, cheat, bro. Cheat this guy I don't know or like. He was trying to butter you up too with the other guy. Towards the end. Yeah. Yeah, because you remember he was asking for something.

Yeah, absolutely. He was asking for a, so can I kill this man? Yeah. Stavi, please. Yeah. All right, so like I said, Elders, please keep this in mind. Don't ever let something like that slip.

The next call is him calling it. Yeah What do we got Eld? Hey, Stavi love everything you're doing. I have a different question for you that I've known to ask about So I was seeing this guy for like two months and it was the best sex of my life He knows my pussy as a park. I love that phrase that you said. Anyways, he is like extremely emotionally unavailable and he ghosted me like a week or so ago.

But anyways, his son is like 13 and I were like kind of close. Like even though I would only see him like once a week he would really confide in me a lot Oh poor kid And you know his dad would like kind of ignore me when he wasn't fucking me when I was over And so I would just hang out with his son Pause this Anyways, cause he ghosted me obviously I haven't Nah keep going, I mean this is so fucked up but I just have to do the whole thing That's like a fucking like a, that's like an indie movie plot dude.

That's like some fucking. It's Teeter and Tyler Perry. Yeah. It feels like white Tyler Perry. Yeah go ahead. Ignore me when he wasn't fucking me when I would come over and so I would just hang out with his son and anyways since he ghosted me obviously I haven't seen or spoken to his son in like two weeks so I don't know like what to do because like one thing that he shared with me a lot about was that like his mom had abandoned him and that like she never texted him or like called like even for birthdays or holidays and I'm just like should I text him and like, just tell him like, what happened? Like that his dad didn't want to see me anymore. But like, I'm still be there for

him because like, I just don't want him to think like, Oh, another bitch like goes to me too. Just another woman who abandoned me and isn't there for me. So I don't know. Like, I mean, at 13, he's kind of his own person, but he's kind of like a young 13. He's just such a sweet kid. And I just really care about him, but I don't know if it's inappropriate. And also his dad, I think, checks his phone. So, I don't know, should I like text him and be like, hey, I didn't abandon you. And I still want to hear from you. And you know, because his dad is definitely a good guy.

Wow. I'm a little confused. Are you a therapist? Yeah, that's tough. Why would they say that? Elvis really didn't do you any favor. He got in quick with some wild ones. Let me, as somebody who's had a lot of step parents, let me be clear with this young lady

and anybody else who's worried about this. That child is not counting on you. No. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. There's no bond you built No, absolutely. It's gonna make him need you after this moment. Yeah, you weren't together long enough No, he's seen a million use. Yeah, that's the that's the key right there is you are so not special here And you're not changing shit, and it sucks. No. It sucks to like, the fact that this guy let you interact with his son, this guy's a fucking lunatic.

Yeah. This guy, he fucked you, and then you played Xbox with his kid while he was. You'd be wild. I was like, what the fuck, what do you mean you would hang out with his son? You fucked, and he would ignore you, and then you would hang out with his son if you fucked and he would ignore you and then you would hang out with his son?

You mean nothing to him. And he told the boy that a million times. Can I give it a buck too? I think a part of this too is she really wanted to talk to the dude but she had that like relationship with the kid and that important. Well there's a little, look I think probably this caller is a sweet person. Who's not doesn't get this these situations right doesn't understand this can't fathom treating a child

This way can't fathom this shit and and does have good intentions because Clearly this kid is gonna be is fucked and his relationship with women is gonna be fucked sure the problem is Your you will not change it you will not change it. You will not change it for the better. You will not change it for... The only way you change it for the worse is if you do something very weird that we're not even gonna say. Right? Like, there's like, don't get more attached to this guy.

Yeah. It sucks. I get it, it sucks, but all this is is this is like when the car right in front of you gets into a fatal car crash You didn't die you saw it you smelled it, but that ain't you you gotta get the fuck out of there That's nothing and you say should I go in and know cuz you're gonna also burn up You can't you can't let the fucking first responders take care of that let this kid's therapist when he moves to Brooklyn take care of this It's not gonna be you you're're just like, and I'm sorry that's, his dad's kind of a piece of shit. You seem like you have your own issues of, I'm gonna guess, trying to fucking fix people. You know, you're probably too...

You're probably too into guys like this, completely emotionally unavailable guys. And I think to Mandel's point, you also probably are very much wanting that dad back more than you are being hero for the son. There's definitely a piece of this, and we don't know what the percentages are, right? If she's a great person, it's 99 to 1%. If she's a piece of shit, which I don't think she is, it's the like, there's definitely insane women. Like she's not insane because she's not already texting the kid. There's definitely a real dumb bitch move is to be like,

oh hey, I care about you so much. I worry about you, I just want you to know things with me and your dad didn't work out. But he knows. He knows because there's a different 27 year old on his Ikea futon that he sleeps on. How long did she say that they was together two months two months I mean, it's yeah two months. He doesn't give a fuck about you lady. Everything we just said times it times four

From two months, but you're you're a sweet girl And by the way this guy must be good at like laying pipe Yeah, because that's what you say best sex you said he's not gonna push you out of the park that That's what gets you fucking thinking this goofy. He'd fuck her and send her to the living room with his son to play roblox Insane he's like alright, I got I got some fucking shit. I got you head on out, but don't go nowhere Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, give me 30 seconds to get let me once the refractory period is up. I'll come get you Well prayers to this young lady man enough Yeah, get down to that pros. Yeah

Let's get these people on them pills, man. All right, Elvis. Anything else? Maybe somebody's fucking parent just committed suicide, something light you want to fucking drop on us or something? Hey, Shavi. Hey, Elvis.

Hey, esteemed guest. I'm going to try and be as quick as I can, because you might hear my kids in the background. But listen, you know, we all inadvertently see our parents nude at some point during our childish. There were a couple of times where I saw my dad nude and I just saw Bush no, you know, I try to honestly not think about it much,

but there was like no dick or balls that I could see. And then throughout my childhood, he kind of made offhand comments about having a small wiener and I didn't think about it for years and years and then when I was in my Adulthood I got really good at like finding information on people and then like a family friend on my mom's side who doesn't like my dad was telling everybody that he's a tranny friend on my mom's side who doesn't like my dad was telling everybody that he's a tranny. I decided to use those skills to look into it and I cross referenced and confirmed 100% that my dad was born a woman.

Wow! And I can go on and on. When I was younger, they told me a story about how he fell off a dock onto a boat or something and he had broken ribs and he came back with scars on his chest and he was in the recliner for months and months. What the f***? And looking back now everything kind of makes sense. And the problem is they know, I'm pretty sure they both know that I know and they still completely ignore the topic altogether. The thing is I'm 33 and he's 70. So I don't know why it's such a big secret.

I want to know why he isn't telling me because I'm not binary. Obviously, I don't give a shit. But it raises the question, why don't they want to talk about it? And is my dad like like who if he's a biological woman and I know my mother is a biological woman that raises the question for me who's my dad and maybe that's why they're trying to hide the subject from me altogether he's a very convincing trans man he's like 70 he's not gonna live forever. You know, I just kind of want to get to the bottom of it. But I'm like nervous and bring it up. And I kind

of don't even want to but I also want to know like why he doesn't want me to know. And I also kind of equally want to know like the logistics then. So who the fuck is my dad? Yeah, I mean my dad is my dad, but I kind of want to know what happened. Yeah, of course. And I just feel like they're hiding it from me intentionally and I don't know what to do. So please, please help me out.

Eldest another just... I mean you're O for three, bro. I can't. Fuck. I mean this is a good question but like off the heels of two wild ones you just fucking up the stakes again. It's insane dude. Yeah this is insane. Bro that was irresponsible bro. Hey this idea is, I don't know man, because I'm like, hey bro,

it's so many people involved with this. Yeah. Who go see this, go know his voice, go know this story. How does he come back? They be like, so you went. Nah dude. You know the internet. I had to do the body.

Your dad had to keep it a secret from you for all your life. How you gonna let the whole world know? Nah dude, his old ass dad can't figure Your dad has been the king of the secret from you for all your life. How you gonna live the whole world though? Nah dude, his old ass dad can't figure a fucking podcast out. This is crazy. I mean this is fucking hard. Like to not, to just like not know and then, how old did he say he was when he figured it out? Did he say? 33 right? He is 33 now but he said he like figured it out. I don't think he specified his was when he figured it out? Did he say? 33 right? He is 33 now But he said he like figured out. I don't think he specified his age when he figured out. But like it seemed like he was an adult, right? Yeah

That's wild. I mean first of all shout out to his dad's team He's trans like in the 80s and you couldn't fucking tell What's that guy? What's this fucking surgeon up to now bro? Give that guy give that guy the Ben Carr gifted hands. They should run. That man is on a yacht somewhere. That, oh my god. This is a complicated thing. That guy's nice with it.

Well, what I'm trying to figure out is, is this issue like he wants to talk about it? Or is this issue that he wants to know who his biological father is? I think it's both. I think what he's talking about is like, hey, I'm sort of curious about where I, you know, where's my biological dad, whatever. But I think he's also like, why don't you trust me enough to talk to me about this?

And I just feel like, you know, we're both adults. We're all adults. They seem to be, he seems, I mean, I guess one weird possibility when you keep something like this secret is if your kid turns out to be, you know, hateful, you know, like, who would like, but like, clearly this isn't what this guy is, right?

He said, not, they are non-binary, and- Yeah, oh, they said they, I missed that. I missed that, it was fucking, sorry. Bit of a rambling call, bit of a rambling call but I don't mean it to be like a correction but no no I know just like yo that's a liberal motherfucker exactly it's this fuck yeah yeah yeah yeah so so then it then the then it's like then especially if you're non-binary you've talked extensively talked to your parents about your own gender identity, it's not a nice time to be like, hey, by the way, you're not alone out here.

Yeah, exactly. And look, the thing is, the reason your parents aren't telling you is because it's a hard conversation, they don't feel like having it. I mean, that's really, I mean, I don't know that, but that's my hunch. Now, it is your right to ask these questions. If you're their fucking kid, that is on them. I mean, they can handle it however they want,

but you also have absolutely the right to be like, and what the fuck's going on? And not even so much about the trans thing, which is that's Between you and your dad I guess but I spent the adopted or potentially adopted or your mom was with somebody else Or was it a donor was like there's just there's so many questions that you just would like to know and I don't know and the caller said This is my dad. That's who my dad is, but I'm interested in who, where I just come from. That's totally, and we've talked,

this has come up a little bit on the show, that's a personal decision. Some people wanna know, some people don't give a fuck. If you wanna know, you deserve to know, I think. And so, you know, what to do about it, you just kinda have to press your parents on it, if you wanna know. Which sucks, I mean, at least the, You just kind of have to press your parents on it if you want to know yeah, which sucks

I mean at least the at least the like Where do I come from aspect? And just like why don't you guys why don't you guys telling me about yeah, and I think I think they probably are Taking some pride in in like not wanting to hurt their parents and shit sure it's like well I I want them to be okay. I want that, like you're obviously a kind person in that sense, but that's not an unkind thing to ask. Totally not.

It's a very reasonable thing to be asking is like, hey, I understand what you got going on. So I need more information about me and my life beyond what you have going on. And that's okay. And I think nothing's wrong with nothing's wrong with, um, you know, advocate them for their self in this situation. Cause I'm like, I do think that if you, if you're like, Hey, I want to know exactly where I come from, that doesn't mean that you're trying to hurt them.

You get what I'm saying? Exactly, and that's the thing. If your parents take this the wrong way, they're being dickheads. You're in the right. That's the thing I want to stress here. And your parents sound cool, and I'm sure for your dad, it's obviously a very personal thing,

but hey, when you have kids, you fucking, you kinda, you owe it to them to kind of explain a lot of shit to them. And keep explaining shit. You don't get to just stop explaining shit because I like finished growing up. Like, no, you got some explaining to do all the way to the end of this world. Totally, totally. You're not some stranger who came across the information that, let's say they work with

your dad, and they're like, hey Gary, you used to be a chick. Like, you're his fucking son. So you can ask like, whoa. Like if my dad was, if your parent had any kind of like wild story about themselves, some past life, if your mom was a circus acrobat and she never told you. You know what I mean?

Like it's like just something. And I know it's not transitioning, gender isn't that crazy, but it's kind of crazy to never tell your fucking kid. Or at least like as an adult. Handle it as when they're little, whatever you want, but it's like grown non-binary child Who's probably had a gender discussion with you? It is a little weird and if you want to know you know so it's up to you

You got it. You got to just kind of barge in the way you would with any kind of family secret Which is just gonna be uncomfortable. It's like it's gonna they don't want they haven't told you cuz they don't want to right But it's your right to do it and you know Yeah, don't wait it out. He's 70. Yeah. Yeah got much longer. Yeah, you gotta Who knows what that surgeon was up to to make him look that good Chemicals are coursing through your dad, you know, I'm gonna take all the fat from your heart and put it in your ass America's first BB in your ass sometimes. Yeah.

The America's first BBS. Yeah. All right. Now you right though, it is that right though. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Mr. Cheeks, good to see you. Benny Buttcheeks checking in everyone.

All right. Play something, let's see, Eldest. Hey yo, stop what it is. Eldest, how's it going? What the fuck? Hello guests. So, I'm almost 40 years old and I have a job where I'm slinging some sweet sweet treats over a counter here in a small town. And I

don't have ginormous state drooper cans or anything. I don't know. I feel like I look okay, but I'm not some hot young piece of ass. Okay. And whatever, it's fine. But at my job, I work for tips. So if you were to tell an elderly millennial the best way to get good tips while selling Coffee donuts and burritos to construction workers at six in the morning What would your advice be on that?

Now right, thanks Well, we need a safety net in this country The problem is that you're 40 and you sell fucking burritos How can I slightly objectify myself to make a living in America, in the richest country in the history of the world? How do I show my tits a little bit so that I have a roof over my head? I mean, this is fucked up.

We need continued education. That's not what this more, bro. Like, that's some dystopia. It's like, I do like how they was some dystopia. I do like how they all try to talk like you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's clearly trying to keep it light and fun here. She said, look, let's be clear, my tits suck.

I'm not that hot. I cannot sell pussy just off of the quality of the appearance of the pussy. I don't know, be good at your job. Get good tips in the service industry, remember orders. Learn to socialize perhaps. A sweet smile. Nah man, go get that cyber security certificate. The cyber security certificate.

My homeboy, he went and got that. He made six figures in two years. So I have a security certificate. There you go. Network Plus, I think that's what it's called. That's what gets you right. That's a good idea. So yeah, I mean,

this is really tough stuff, but you know, construction workers, since when are they the most picky guys? And this is really tough stuff, but construction workers, since when are they the most picky guy? Like it's the other thing. Yeah, but that's what I mean. She's really telling us what she cannot do in its cell ass in a way that makes it feel like, well, then we can't help you.

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Like if everything else, because you're presenting everything else. You're saying like, look, I am giving my personality. Yeah, I see, I see. I've done everything else and I can't sell ass, so what can I do? And it's like, well, I don't know. Has she though?

Because I think she's a little in her head. So what I'm hearing is someone who doesn't believe in herself. And what I'm saying is, these are fucking construction workers. You know what I'm saying is these are fucking construction workers. You know what I mean? This is so this we've got a 410 Guatemalan guy Heel for a smile from a five Like that's that's what I'm saying is like like this is like we like don't sell yourself short You can't you maybe you know this sounds like to me not only it is dystopian in many ways, because it's also, I think, like, you know, what do you think construction,

how hot do you think it has to be to be objectified by construction? But also too, I think there's other ways to get tips too. Yeah, there is. I think like she could just be really nice, or she could wear a t-shirt that say, hey man, my kid's going hungry. Yeah. My back is against the wall. hashbrown throwing a free hashbrown

You know what I mean steal from your employer and try and launder it into tips You know what I mean like giving away something free you're gonna get tips yeah And then you know the thing they do in like coffee shops where it's like You know you like right right now they might have something like tip I mean not anymore but tip if you think Kendrick Lamar or Drake want you know when they do like this or that now it is construction workers yeah they're not so you're gonna have to do something like you know do you like the Punisher flag or do you like a Blue Lives Matter bumper sticker

like which Blue Lives Matter you know merch do you like do you want Punisher Blue Lives Matter bumper sticker? Which Blue Lives Matter merch do you like? Do you want Punisher Blue Lives Matter? Now I have 150 or I have 250. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Chevy or Ford, shit like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Something like that. He rock. Yeah, so, but that, you know,

I also think she needs to believe in herself a little bit. She seems a little self-conscious. Yeah. And I think it's not, you show off those freckled, saggy tits, I think you'll be fine. That is funny. What do you think, Stav? One more? Yeah, yeah, for sure. This is more of an update. Okay. Oh no.

Hi Stav, elders, guests. So I'm one of the mentally ill women who listens to your podcast regularly. And I also have a broken pussy. But I would like to report back a bit of advice that you gave. Not to me, this is not an update, but a bit of advice you gave works. So I have type one herpes. And I hooked up with somebody last night and I tried your technique because I've been nervous about this for a while

and I've never had to tell anyone before because I got it in my last situationship. And we were hooking up and I waited until sex was imminent. Smart. That's what I tell people with herpes. That I have them. And you were right it stopped it didn't stop him at all. If you have herpes and you wait until sex is imminent to tell them, you'll probably still get waked. That's what I'm saying. Wow. Yeah. Thanks, Dawg. I really needed that advice. I really like that she turned it out to the broader audience at home.

Yeah, absolutely. That's what the show is here for. Because I hooked up with a girl who told me she had herpes and I was, but she's on medicine, whatever. I was gonna use a condom anyway. It's like, okay. And like, you know, mom, my dick is already hard. We've been, I've felt the titty. I'm not, not fucking, and so I've just put myself in everyone's shoes. It's like look, tell me if you have the steel willpower if you really Really are fear herpes that much that you can say no to pussy with a hard dick. Yeah more power to you Yeah, but I I think that's when you tell someone cuz that's when they need to know That's really when they need to know you and then let them make their own choice

They have the choice but they don't have to have the choice the moment that you meet. They can have the choice further down the line. A different girl I've dealt with didn't tell me the first time we fucked. And I'm good, I've passed. But, and then by the way, she was hot as shit. She was a freak, I liked her.

If she had told me, I wouldn't give a fuck. But she told me after and I was just like, I just didn't, I hated that move. So so I was like I can't fuck with you anymore whereas the other girl even though I didn't hook up with her I don't hooked up with her once but it was still like she told me and I was like yeah I didn't give a fuck at all so congrats to this lady you know your put type one is that the good one what isn't one not really herpes? Does anybody know? If she has it on her pussy, I mean.

That's the main difference. That's right, Dr. L is checking in. You're right, you're right. Is there one more pussy-oriented and one's like, you know. Ben says, Ben hop on the mic, dude, go ahead. I know a lot about herpes. I've done my research. It was generally that herpes two was considered

the vaginal one, herpes 1 was the cold sores on your mouth, but these days it's all up in the air. It could be either of them anywhere. So interesting. But it's also like one in four people have it or one in three people have herpes. What? Yeah. And they, they, that's why they don't really like you to test for or even suggest that

you blood test because so many people have it and it freaks everyone out. It's way over stigmatized. Anyway, that's all. Do you have it? Probably. All right, Benny Buttcheeks coming in at the end here for the Benny Buttcheeks herpes update. All right. Well, listen, Aldis, really pretty much a horrible episode on your part. You really bummed this out. episode on your part. You really bummed this out. You really bummed this out. You did three that should, we had three calls that should have been like a, you know what I mean, like

the heavy one of the episode, but you hit us three over the head. You beat the shit out of us. Yeah, we went straight from Madea into all this bullshit, but you know, we ended on a positive note. Our friend got her pussy smacked around a little bit, even though it is herpes-ridden. And that's what we like around here. We like our friends to get fucked. So thank you guys.

Thanks, it was such a fun episode. It was so funny. Come back any time. And thank you guys for listening. And we will see you next time. And we are about to do a Kush Brothers with Bunny Buttche we're having a good time so we'll talk to you guys soon yeah please I apologize for any crazy thing I said all right play us out eldest Alright, play aside Elders.