Stavvy's World - #89 - Brendan Sagalow and Mike Recine

Episode Date: August 12, 2024

Brendan Sagalow and Mike Recine return to the pod to discuss Sagalow’s new special THIN LIPS, why Disney World is trash, being in denial of your own fatness, exploitative power dynamics in the service industry, and much more. Brendan, Mike and Stav help callers including a Greek diner manager wondering about the ethics of hitting on his employees, and a guy who hooked up with his stepsister and thought it was awesome. Visit Legacy and use promo code STAVVY for 10% off: https://www.givelegacy.com/ Visit RocketRX and use code STAVVY for 20% off your first order: https://rebrand.ly/ca9aaf Watch Brendan Sagalow’s special THIN LIPS out now on Youtube: https://youtu.be/HpA3u7ZctsY   Follow Brendan Sagalow on social media: https://twitter.com/BrendanSagalow http://instagram.com/brendansagalow https://www.facebook.com/Brendansagalow4 https://www.youtube.com/@BrendanSagalow https://www.tiktok.com/@brendansagalow  Watch Mike Recine's new special I’M NORMAL out now on Youtube: https://youtu.be/Fjt3mkpvquw  Follow Mike Recine on social media: http://instagram.com/mikerecinecomedy https://twitter.com/mikerecine https://www.youtube.com/MichaelRecine Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Welcome everybody to StavisWorld 904-800 Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We have a beautiful returning, a stacked couch of StavisWorld favorites. Brendan Sagalow. Breathing fresh, non-patreon air for the first time in a StavisWorld career. Stavie out of the cage He's got him out of his cage and he's doing just fine folks Of course Mike Racine Thanks buddy to be here. Did you see the boys got their feet out? Sagala was freaking out ahead of before we had a lot of rich pre pod discussion a lot of you felt vulnerable without shoes on Yeah, I don't I just don't like saw a fucking tweet and it got in my head

I like that you're like fuck her fuck that but I just saw literally a tweet from this show So I took a picture of yeah, and was like, huh? Can we can these fucking male podcasters please put their foot in the Suck my nuts. Why are women telling us how to podcast? I know! Stets! We invented this art form! I don't have any

macrame opinions, do I? Why don't women got their tits out when they're knitting anymore? I'm trying to look at tits while you knit bitch yeah look you can't have both you can't have that hack tweet that's like four men in a room what's that called a podcast yeah whatever that one was and also tell me how to keep my feet on my right I know but it's like telling an Italian guy how to eat out his mother every time I find myself getting mad at like like women being like men blah blah blah I'm just proving them right yeah I'll get mad at

them and I'll be like what we're talking about I don't know man it's gotta be case by case and I got my toes out and if you don't like it slurp the sausage Yeah, as far as I'm concerned. Hell. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we were thinking we might go no socks. Oh good Please do whatever whenever you guys feel like it feel free to take your socks off. I've got my I've got my my Orthotic what I've got I've got the kind of I've literally prescribed This is how fat I've gotten is that my podiatrist was like never walk around barefoot Was like you can tell when he's someone's like I'm not fucking around anymore

There's like a it caught it, you know, I can hear something catching his throat And he was like your doctor is like when in those apocalyptic movies the one scientist That's like guys. It's coming coming Dude he was the literate because I have you know my my feet are fucked up, but he was like You can never walk barefoot again in your life basically that was essentially what he said so I'm got these I got these recovery This recovery footwear we won't say the brand unless they want to pony up all right And I did I did bring a lot of attention to my feet, so let's show them this clip You know that's like if you can keep this man with feet this fat and flat these rib eyes

If you can keep him from a catastrophic foot injury. You know you got a good product. Yeah, you're on a health kick though, dude You got I'm trying suction stuff. I did I did a little cupping. Yep, yep, yep. Nice. Feels good. Salmon and rice. Eating salmon and rice, trying to keep the reaper off my back. That's all.

I was telling Brennan how I was like, dude, I'm trying to take some time off. I'm trying to like, you know, get in the zone. He was like, dude, you gotta go to Disney World. Yeah. By yourself. Seriously, not by yourself. I mean, take your-

Oh, that's the fucking stupid part of the idea Who's gonna go to Disney World with I don't know get a family My job who would you go to home depot? Who would you go to Disney World with? You go to Home Depot to find guys to go to Disney World with? I'd bring all three of your moms. Well, Elders' mom is dead. How do you feel about that? Great. Yeah. Great. I'll just be holding the urn. On Splash Mountain.

She never got to go. Disney World's fucking rules. I know everybody, you know, it's only I'm not saying go every year go once, you know Go wait, when's the last time you've been there? You've been to you Yeah with my dad and my sister It was for mom didn't go wheat No, we've we left her at the airport No, it looks like they're out of the wheelchairs for fat people. Mom, I don't think you're coming through New York.

They brought you four in a row, they can't break in. You want to talk about my mom? You want to talk about my mom, motherfucker? I don't care. I don't care about my mom. Your words can't hurt me. Fuck my mom. Your words can't hurt me. Fuck my mom. No, but Disney World is sweet and as soon as I when my nickel comes in.

You know how sweet it is getting to sit in a wheelchair because you're too fat? I would love that. You're not fat enough though. None of us are fat enough to be pushed around in a wheelchair. Well, I heard my friend and I did get pushed around. Do you see that happening at some point? Yeah. I never want to get that fat. No, no, no. You could be like a jazzy scooter guy.

That could be fun. You go to Home Depot. Yeah, yeah. That I would be interested in. There's just a little power. Yeah. You don't want to be like left in the shade fat. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put some in the shade fat. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Put some in the shade. Go have fun. Leave me in the shade. Getting pushed around in the sun is too taxing for me.

I need a little break under this tree from sitting fatly in a chair. I need a breeze to cool me down. Being a completely passive participant in my transportation is too much for me right now. Yeah, you push once and you're like, ah. Now what did you do, cause I would imagine going to Disney World as an adult is like underwhelming. You go, oh this is for kids. It's still fun? No, it's fucking sweet dude. It's awesome.

I can't, I mean unless you go, I really can't explain the fucking go. No, it's not a you have to go. There is no intangible magic to Disney World. I mean unless you go Feel pain for you guys Because okay, you're not gonna know you really go to Rhode Island and like look at a sunset No, I would go to where you gonna go. I go to Greece. Yeah, the most beautiful beaches in the world I'd have like fresh seafood brought like right go to the fucking restaurant right by there Take a nice walk in the sand see them the majesty of nature you ever been to Epcot I go to London go to Chipotle Got you can hit all those places at once. Yeah, it's so funny. This is like Epcot

Yeah, it's just like it's insane that you would be like that's what like the pinnacle of a vacation is to you is Disney I can't think of anything better. What was the No taste or class Means that's the one positive childhood memory you have running it back It means that's the one positive childhood memory you have you're running it back What was the best character that you met Fucking Cinderella is pretty He's like playing home. Yeah, I saw Donald duck, but I didn't see steamboat Donald Oh, yeah

specific Donald that's no but Cinderella, all the chicks that dress up, and they stay in character too, so if you're into role play and shit, you're like, these guys are good. You know what I mean? I could just picture you. I'm sure they love talking to you. They're like, what are you up to later, Cinderella?

And she has to do the math of how rude she can be to you and keep her job? At midnight, my car turns into a pumpkin. So where does the staff hang out after what they've done worse? Yeah, what time do you get off? Yeah, what time do you get off? No, really, really. I'm like being aggressive. I'm like, okay, cut the shit. And then you have to act special needs to get them to keep talking to you?

Or hug me. They have a rule. They have get them to keep talking to you or hug me. They have a rule where they can't break the hug. They can't break the hug. I saw it. Oh, my God. That's got to be for children. I know. No, no, no. There's no way for a doll. No, there's no way they'll. I mean, you think it's so.

All right, Brandon, get away from Gaston. Gaston's got a little too big of a hug. He brought his own costume to be Gaston's gay little friend. His name is LeFau. You plebians. And that was the guy's name. His name is LeFau. Get it right. Yeah, it's awesome because you also think Disney movies are culture too. That's getting right. Yes, awesome. You also think Disney movies are culture, too

That's all that's so good. You know that one did take place in France Deb sister did that she went to Disney World with her friend and they dressed up as Ilsa and Anna from frozen Oh, wow, all the kids were like coming up to them and but you're not allowed to do that Well, of course because think about I, that's child molester 101. Dressed like fucking dressed like the press at Disney World and like kids come up to you. Oh, yeah. You could picture a bunch of pedophiles sitting around me like if we just get costumes, yeah, we go to Disney World. We can touch all the kids dressed up like Prince Eric and Brendan's like, oh, wow.

Yeah. Yeah. We can touch all the kids we want. Dressed up like Prince Eric and Brendan's like, Oh wow! Yeah, Cyclo keeps ruining their plans because he won't let the male Disney guys go. Beat it, we're trying to fuck kids you fat piece of shit. Yeah, you're gonna see a video of me on World Star. Of the person being like, get off! I love you Snow White! When was your first trip to Disney?

Me and my family used to go all the time. Interesting. When my dad was caking it. So this runs in the family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. It's the only thing that our family does that runs. Yeah, very nice.

Very nice dude. That could be your second round joke in a roast battle in 2014. I heard that exact joke when people are doing filler. That could be your second round joke in a roast battle in 2014 Like I heard that exact joke Yeah, remember they would make us do three rounds of oh my god There's not three rounds worth of roast about each other man. We're all open micers like why are you making us do this for check spots? It was so humiliating. Everyone's like we're all gonna get on the Comedy Central show And then they're like put fucking people who have never done it. Yeah, yeah, I know whatever But now it's the air of podcasting baby now. We got our toes out and we're podcasting. It's beautiful I gotta say podcasting is so much better than writing

Have you written anything? This is bullshit. We just hang out. It's fun when you have your friends on. It's like we're just talking about Brandon trying to get molested as a grown man. And we could do this for another hour. I could talk four hours about Disney World. Because everybody ironically shits on it. No, no, no. I'm not ironically shitting on it. I am fully shitting on it. I think it's gay to love Disney. I think you're a loser. Alright, well it's not the Disney way to fight, so I will actually let you feel that way.

Have you been to Disney though? No! There you go. I'll take you you bro. We'll go. We'll don't go after him too hard Brandon be like Simba I mean, I guess I would go I guess look it would actually this is the first time I've actually been interested in going go with I'd love to go with you to just point out how fucking stupid everything is and ruin It for you. Hey, we would only make it better for me because as they say Hakuna Matata, so I wouldn't care I wouldn't care, but I mean it's so detailed though. The rides are fucking sweet everybody I damn smile on the faces of like real shit What do you mean real castle hook do you like pretend to drop your churro? Yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, sorry What do you say I was saying when you see Captain Hook? Do you like drop your churro on the ground? Yeah, yeah, hope you look at it with your good hand. No you bend over in front of him. Oh, you want him to check you out?

I want him to stick his hook up my ass You have your own attachment for the hook it's a little dildo he can fuck you Trying to put it on. No, it's fucking sweet, bro. And everybody that works there is like a slave. Good. Good, and that's why it's so great. That's why the pyramids are awesome.

Yeah, yeah. Why would I want to go to a real castle? So what? I've seen real castles. I've gone to Ireland. I've been in a real castle. It sucks. I guess you're right. They don't even have a meal there Yeah, you can't sit at the castle and then have like a character dressed up come up to you Laugh and smile and hug you yeah, I don't know There's something there is something powerful about going to some ancient structure being like damn

People people four thousand years ago were walking around right fucking crazy that is cool, too I'm not taking away from okay. Thank you. You're being positive You're saying they should do a mix of like the old castle and Disney World yeah You should be able to get cotton candy at Versailles. Acropolis. You go this is where they spilled hot oil on invading people and that's Chippendale yeah they have a hot oil. What about hot oil? Is there funnel cake in the oil? Can I have some of that? I don't know man it just seems so I mean whatever I'm not gonna legitimately say why Disney sucks it's just like a giant you know company that and you

didn't feel sorry it's expensive as fuck and you didn't pay for it oh I see that's what's going on here yeah I mean if I paid for it I'd be like fuck this place yeah yeah yeah but I'm like $14 premium Mickey bar. Yes, please and you want to just a couple years ago you said Yeah That's fucking crazy taking as much free shit as I get until I'm dead That's true. I'll give you that but that is like guys. We never hang out anymore I'm just I'm really tired of pushing your mother in that wheels My traps have gotten huge

Full arm extended pushing your fat mother up the hill Bronson take me to Disney I'm not coming to Thanksgiving unless you take me to Disney. And if you don't do it, I'm writing a rap about it. About you being a bad parent. You'll never have children. You'll never be a grandparent. You never went to Disney. Did you, Mike? When I was 10, yeah.

10, okay. Don't get me wrong, I did want to go as a kid. Have you ever been? No. You've never been? Oh, okay. So that's probably what's going on here. Oh, okay, now you're turning on me too much?

Well, it's nice, it's great when you're 10. Right. And if you have a special needs brother, you get to the front of the line. Oh, true. That's awesome. That was pretty sweet. That's when it, that must have been top day that it worked out. Yeah, that's awesome. That was pretty sweet. That's one of the, that must have been top day that it like worked out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That almost, how many regular days is that by you think? Like 40, 50? It was like a good, probably a good year. A good year. Yeah, yeah. 300 days of him just, you know. Do you have to, do you actually have to be

like mentally disabled or whatever? Or could I? He's getting the dossier ready for his next trip. Well yeah, I'm going ugh, cut the lines. Like mentally disabled or whatever or could I? My own little personal fast pass I'm so sorry. And they're like, there's two different lines. There's like, they have a different line for clearly poor 30 year old men pretending to be retarded. Yes, the exit line. They're like, oh, here you go.

I walk out, I'm like, this is just Orlando. I was just in Orlando. What's that? They're like, sir, do they make you wait in line? Orlando, that's kind of a bummer. Orlando sucks. Orlando sucks ass. Yeah, yeah. It was horrible. We were, remember we were, we stayed in like a fake,

cause all the hotels in Orlando are sort of Disney adjacent. So we stayed in like a, it was so funny, it was like bootleg, it was like the Marriott Castle. And it was like medieval themed, it was so clearly like a fake Disney. They couldn't say we're Disney, but they're like... I love that shit, bro. And we tried to get a regular hotel and you just couldn't get one. They were all fucking shitty and overpriced. But yeah, Orlando sucked dick. And all the like restaurants around there are four like families that are, you know, everything is just kind of...

You feel like you're in a giant mall. Yeah. Well, the minute you land in the airport They're like it's Disney fucking it's Disney Airport. Yeah, I don't know man. There's something so off about that It's like it's like okay. I get it. It's a fine experience especially when you have kids whatever, but it's like do more stuff Yeah, I agree with you know I mean like the minute you it's like Disney and like Magic Kingdom and all that stuff like Disney proper is like whoa And then you get out of the world land on you're like is all the money going to there Yeah, yeah, you know you can like go to Thailand and be around kids

Thailand and Disney my two vacations There's a fucked up amount of people that is like that. I promise you. I promise you that. That's a big Venn diagram. Very large Venn diagram. Very large. Hell, there's no chance you went to Disney, did you? No, we never went. We're definitely way, way, way too poor. I remember one time my dad, like when we were fresh off the boat, like Albanian immigrants in Baltimore, my dad took like a road trip to Florida with his boys.

Like just four Albanians. Hilarious. Without you guys? Yeah, just four Albanians. Albanian immigrants in Baltimore. My dad took like a road trip to Florida with his boys, like just for areas without you guys. Yeah, just for Albania. This is what like 90. There's literally like 93, 94, something like that. Just like four middle aged Albanian immigrants, like all fresh off the boat. They drove down there. And I remember, like, I would talk to him on the phone and all I want to know is, like, did you go to Disney?

Did you go to Disney? He said, like, one day they went to the parking lot and just like like looked inside from the gate like with no plans to go in or anything to go in. That's the immigrant Disney vacation. And look at us. That's the Disney world. That's hilarious dude. I never knew about your dad's fresh off the boat road trip with the fellas. Right. I feel bad. Yeah what do you think he was up to on that road trip?

I don't know, honestly. You think they were buying some pussy up and down the Eastern Seaboard? They probably weren't buying pussy, but maybe, though I doubt it. You don't think four Albanians in a car together for three days in a row. Maybe they went to a strip club. I could see that. Yeah, for sure.

Elvis's dad had a red dot of a sniper rifle on His head didn't even realize how close he came They're like we got four Albanians coming onto the property they're gonna try and eat and roast Mickey They think he's a giant mouse they're gonna take him home for Easter They just got to the country Their plan was to drive to where you could get giant rodents To feed their family for the next six months They're thinking about making Ty to the roof of their car Keeping him alive to slaughter him fresh in Baltimore

For Easter to slaughter him fresh in Baltimore for Easter. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha funny to think about just some immigrants just being like we're in America we've just you know we've just been doing the pay we've been near our wives and children like in wherever they're keeping you to like immigrate it's like time for the boys to let us go to Fort Lauderdale. Yeah they probably weren't buying pussy because they weren't savvy enough with the country I think not because there wasn't a will to buy pussy, but think about guys who don't even speak English with like eight dollars between them trying to negotiate sex from a woman in the streets. They just go to Kroger like I buy pussy from you? Four dollars sandwich and pussy please. I take half sandwich all pussy yeah just trying to

the girl behind the deck at a Panera trying to get her to fuck him in right in their Camry that's nice man that's a cute little trip quiet down Mike and Sagalow I have important information for our listeners I'm here from Europe I'm beaming into this episode because I have incredibly information for our listeners. I'm here from Europe. I'm beaming into this episode because I have incredibly impressive, important offers for you to be aware of. Folks, StavisWorld, we are one of the few podcasts that cares about the nut and the health

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about my dad did ask me once in my twenties. I was like I was just like in Baltimore early 20s I was like hey want to go get some dinner like me and him never really like did anything together Yeah, I was like hey Let me go sit down for a fucking meal with this guy And we were like driving as soon as we were out of the neighborhood He was like hey want to go to one of those bars where the women dance topless I like never known him to go to a strip club,

and I'd like never known him to go to one. He was like, oh yeah, I went with, you know, two family friends of ours before, and I just like imagined like three like subdued Albanian guys. He was like, it's nice, they're topless, you could drink a beer, it's really fun. That's how he pitched it to me. Just describing a strip club in the most basic terms.

They have chairs you can sit down. You can take a load off, have a beverage look at breasts. It's pretty cool. Just trying to get your son, your adult son to go to a shift club with you. That was the sex talk with him. That's the closest Elvis got to a sex talk. Absolutely. That's so fucking funny. I was just like I don't know how about we just get burgers. That's fine

Yeah, I never really did anything with my dad I mean, I know what you do, but yeah, did you guys like know hang out with your dad a lot? No, yeah, I was just thinking about this. It's like literally my job is to Be good at talk like Like I can pro, you know, especially like training yourself like to just, like this show's fun. I can pretty much sit down with like on this pod. We've had people that I don't really know.

Like obviously you guys are my boys, but it's like when I have like people, it's like, you know. Yeah man, things going tough at home, Mike. I do mean that. I'm Mike's at home, dear diary. Today was a great day. Sof said I was his boy. But it's like literally.

Sorry, Datorce, shut the fuck up. Shut up bitch! I don't need you! I'm gonna go hang out with Eldis and Sof. Mike, do not open the door when daddy's writing his diary. Ah, fuck. But yeah, dude, I don't know. I feel like literally I'm like, how is the one guy on earth that it feels like I can't talk to for more than four and a half straight minutes my own father?

I feel the exact same way. And I know it's not me you know what I mean it's definitely not me no yeah it's the dad yeah yeah what what the hell is that I'm so close with my son I'm like am I are we too close yeah you know guys kiss on the lips probably kiss on the lips we I don't know I mean no I think you're fine I think it's definitely not a too close. Believe me. It's not a too close thing But I don't know. It's crazy. It's like they don't make any effort to try to like connect with you or like be your friend And it's like what is he what did he talk about with his friends?

Does he have does your dad have friends? My dad has a bunch of fun like He goes to one Greek coffee shop Which it's become a rest it was a coffee shop, and literally this guy just started cooking for his friends because they were there constantly. And over the course of 12 years, it's become a restaurant. And it's actually good. It's the best Greek food in fucking Baltimore.

But anyway, him and his boys just hang out there, and part of me is like, dude, they- We gotta start selling sandwiches here or something. Literally, dude. They're just there always. A get rich quick scheme. Yeah, yeah. Dude, I'm not kidding.

It's actually good. Like, you didn't come, did you? Next time we're in Baltimore, look at me and go, we should eat there. It's fucking good. But yeah, they just hang out there. And part of me is like, maybe they just don't have that rich of a life where it's like, I do think they just talk kind of surface level like they're always just talking about like Greek soccer and like you know work sucks and like they're not doing a lot of you like baby reindeer on that yeah yeah

but that's the only thing not even that like at least like with my mom we will slip into just baseline pop culture line yeah like whoa did you see that movie or whatever and she and by the way she has opinions and they're interesting and it's like and it's you know Or she'll tell a story or I'll ask her a question about like What were their lives like because it is interesting to think about your parents before you were born yeah That's they had an entire life. They don't even consider. No. You know what I mean. You're like fuck that though You're you're once I start thinking about that. I started thinking about my getting fingered and I don't even want to think about that's pretty fun The guys fucking well, it's probably getting fingered nowadays to no way you don't think so no way

She's she's when's the last time you think a finger pop wasn't your mom's pussy. I mean, I think Clinton was in all I mean, I think Clinton was an office Junior I don't know I actually kind of like my I like the the idea of thinking of my like the prequel the prequel to my like the solo of my of my No parents lives cuz it's like yeah go be it's I can relate to them more I actually kind of think that's the only way me and my dad are ever gonna have a relationship if I relate to him as a guy because like as a Dad it's kind of over you know what I mean like I'm never gonna so long since our dads were um people of color

right Think like your dad being young to be like Oh, dude, yeah, I'm sure they did not respect the Greeks know what could when they came in the 80s It was literally like everyone spoke Greek It was crazy like they were they had like they came in 82 I was born in 89 and like by the mid 90s Greek town was kind of over in that way But like there was like four or five years when they first got here where they were like an English line or a Greek language Theater group they would bring like Greek actors from them from Greece. They don't even learn English right when they come to my dad still barely knows English

Yeah, you guys would have a kind of hard time talking to my dad You would figure it out, but it wouldn't be like you know and that may be part of it to the language Where my Greek is alright, but it's like you know do you and your dad say I love you No No, yeah, I don't think so when my dad says it I go alright, okay. It's kind of like interesting where did this come from? Yeah, I just started saying I love you to him. I was like I love you. He was like Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's good though. Yeah, you guys actually do stuff We try try we try like we'll try to like go out and go to dinner and stuff like that

And it was like we're just it's all hit. It's his world. Yeah Yeah, yeah, it's maybe like they're guarding something or cuz I don't cuz like you said, you know, I know my dad likes he likes Basketball he likes the Yankees right doesn't like Muslims There's a long list of what he doesn't like What he doesn't like you think you could and yeah, it's the same thing It's like you talk to see your job is jealous of that What cuz I don't even I don't even think my dad has enough like like he's not even like race You know what I mean?

Like not because he's a good guy because he just hasn't really thought about what races he does and doesn't yeah You know what I mean? It's like he'll say some ignorant shit, but because he heard it like around. I don't know He's from Greece. Yeah. Yeah, I know But anyway, I don't know like even soccer is like, I don't know, you know I wish I wish we had a little bash like I feel like your dad was that way too, right? Yeah for sure I mean I feel like what my dad and his like Albanian friends were always hanging out like a big go-to It was just like bitching about politics. I would like quickly take over a whole night of hanging out

They had like big political debates about probably like Albanian politicians Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know. I bet your dad probably does some of that and just yeah my dad What the weird thing is he was because he grew up under there was a like fascist Elvis's dad He's like are you voting for a goat or horse? I was literally I was trying to think of the same thing I was like how do I think of the same thing Goat, goat, horn like a Jew

No vote goat Must vote horse Strong but light brown horse Not dark brown horse. Who are you supporting in Albanian mud wrestling match for prime minister? Each politician's villager gets their biggest, strongest retard, oils them up and puts them in a mud pit and whoever suffocates the other retard, his champion, yeah, he gets sworn in. They're like, not voting is a vote for horse now it's not time for purity test it will be even worse for Gaza

We love you. God damn. Hey, speaking of Gaza, just real quick. Sure. Like Israel lied about the rapes. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. You heard it. You heard it from Mike Sroaks. Just want to say congrats to our boys.

Yeah. For not raping anyone, which we knew you. I knew you didn't. Yeah. Other people would have to. I'd like to say congrats to my boys for coming up with a cool lie yeah oh you're Zionist Brendan Irish Long Island Brendan Sagalos is that right? that's right we gotta stand with Israel represent the Jews!

what is even that? I don't know, see for Zionists okay alright interesting fun we're gonna learn that was some kind of white supremacist thing by accident What is even that? I don't know. C for Zionist. Okay, alright, alright. Interesting, fun. We're gonna learn that was some kind of white supremacist thing by accident. He just did like some kind of like neo-Nazi thing. I'm higher than him. Blur out his hands just in case when you put it on the episode Elders.

That way we make it look like he did something horrible. That way we make it look like he did something horrible. Oh fuck dude. Yeah, I don't fucking know, but whatever. That's it. That's fun to think about. Yeah, doing stuff. I mean, me and my brothers hung out with my dad. We did a little barbecue.

Honestly, the platonic ideal of hanging out with your dad is grill up some meats. Yeah. You know what I mean? Eat and then have so many meats in your system that there's like some gentle sporting event on your TV. Like we were watching, nobody cares about golf, throw some golf on, take a nap. Like your dad starts to kind of napping,

and it's like great, you know what I mean? We talked for 10 minutes, kind of. Cause it is a little weird to be too close with your dad. Yeah, totally. Those guys who like their dads too much and their friends right their family in general Anyone who like hangs out with their family that isn't like the wife and kid you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah You're like yeah, I go on vacation with my mom and dad Well, don't not enjoy that yeah, yeah, you just say your dad took the

Beach of my parents like some fucking loose The Mickey's cash to have a fucking Barbecue sliders. Yeah, I'm gonna go meet Winnie the Pooh What are you wait, what are you what are you guys dead? Do what are you dead do for a living my dad was a lawyer for AIG for a long time. And then he left and just started becoming a consultant, like an insurance law consultant. And now I think he's retarded. I mean retired. Freud is slip there. So just some nice white collar living in the Long Island burbs.

Right, right. Staying out, staying out getting hookers really I think so That's he was just like a blur in a suit for the long long Yeah, yeah, he was just never around Like chillies by himself Yeah, hell yeah one of those guys always had the Bluetooth ear thing always making deals go for tie Making deals with such low-level insurance deals Yeah, insurance is not exciting. I got us five more dollars Did he work in the city yeah, he worked in like a building in the city classics

I mean dude, that's Long Island guys who would work in the city. That's kind of a nice life. Yeah Yeah, you old fashion. Yeah, yeah, they held on to that like My family's here and my yeah, you can really be two guys. Yeah close Yeah, geographic proximity my family's here, and there's a girl that works at Jamba Juice. That's nice to me Yeah, one day. I'm gonna overstep and offer to buy purchase her college tuition for her. She's gonna find it weird She's gonna realize I'm not just a nice guy and I've been thinking about fucking her every second that I've ever talked I'm gonna get her jewelry for Christmas John Grisham novel

Fucking you know 24-carat earrings. Sapphire. You're just such a good friend and it's nice talking to you every morning. Yeah, my doctor says my diabetes is too bad for me to even get Jamba Juice, so I've just been coming here, buying something, and throwing it away. Not giving it to a homeless guy, which I could be doing. I've just been throwing it in the trash and thinking to a homeless guy, which I could be doing. I've just been throwing it in the trash and thinking about eating your pussy.

Yeah. In my DXL elastic khakis. That's so funny, because I went to the coffee shop yesterday and the girl working there was like, she says about my shirt and we chatted for a little bit. And then I left and I was like that. This is the greatest relationship. That's that's the height of human relationships. I didn't do it I didn't say anything weird no it's just like old older guy getting a little bit of attention just enough he gets to talk to a customer for a little bit right right right and you haven't it you haven't like yeah as long as you don't reveal the freak barely under the surface

Polite society is very hard to do very hard to do because it's constantly thinking about all of like the freaky shit She's like nice shirt, and you're like like see it on your floor No way, that's what you're thinking about saying I Mean you're just quietly thinking about fucking her. Yeah, it's not even it's not even like it's just it's not even saying anything It's like being fucking yeah. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like an intangible just like Clearly in your you know some like minor like I want to fuck eyes You know like not nothing funnier than a guy who's like clearly thinks he's being charming right and it's just being fucking weird No, no, no. Yeah, you got it. You gotta be aware of like he's being charming right and it's just being fucking weird. No, no

Yeah, you got it. You gotta be aware of like you gotta be like, oh, yeah No, you know just a little friendly interaction. Yeah. Yeah Thanks I Left I was like, I'm awesome Yeah, that would be a fun there would be I don't want to obviously the point of getting married is not to cheat But there is part of you that's like that seems pretty like a fun life Why just you keep you cheating having an affair just like being a guy who? Commute somewhere and just is an animal and just like well now it's impossible

You can't cheat without it like being like well What if she like DMS my wife or something like that? Where it's like back then you could give someone a fake name and yeah, and yeah, then just fuck them and Yeah, yeah, that is those were the glory days Yeah, now you literally have to go to I guess a foreign country and even then even then they could DM Yeah, they could figure it out. You wouldn't you come back from the foreign country and she's like, you know, let me smell your dick Just don't cheat right? Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Yeah, don't wrong. I mean if somebody says something about your shirt Yeah, you can say yeah, I got it at Marshall's

Illegal that's how you can jack off to maybe you go to Marshall. She happens to be there. Yeah, go to the fitting room She sucks your dick. I can't get hard right you're like, I'm even in your fantasies. You can't get hard. Nothing wrong with that Yeah, good old-fashioned you show up at that coffee shop all the time even when she's not working. What's her name? Yeah, you know where she lives. She dropped this I'm her tutor. I'm her PSAT tutor. What's your schedule exactly? I just want to drop off a log. Just tell me what you're working.

You dress up like a cop. You're like, her family's been in a horrible accident. And I was wondering if you had some contacts. Yeah. You buy a fucking cop suit on Amazon? I'm a detective. I need news. contact I need to see pictures of her naked multiple crimes. Yeah Swirling your little baton feeling I'm just kidding. I got this is party sitting. Yeah That's so fucking funny, I don't know man there's something I guess I guess in my when I'm thinking of it It's like you're married to someone you don't like which is not the point yeah, but it just seems like I love my wife

Yeah, I just we don't sleep in the same bed together because she sleeps with my son right right right I can see not sleeping with your partner every night that seems like a bit of a drag right I need some fucking You know I mean every once in a while well Salvador Dali had a whole other house for his wife's that's uh for his wives for his wife yeah His wife like yeah, he had a big house, and then she had a smaller house in your State they teach us that at Disney University You watch chef's table yeah, because there's that chef his names like Francis Malmon or something Disney Universe That's awesome You watch Chef's Table? Yeah

Because there's that chef his name's like Francis Malman or something he's like Argentinian and his whole thing is like he cooks outside Oh, yeah And like that was a sick episode When he starts talking about his personal life, it's fucking weird. He's like it's easy to get bored with one woman So I we'd keep our distance. Yeah, I I'm like how do you even bring this up to you just right here for like four months or whatever yeah clearly she's got a cheating phenotype right but that was the food was that he made we looked incredible dude yeah man chef's table dude that was a beautiful romance is not good if you see your wife every day. Yeah, yeah. I just know he treats her like shit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, my true love is cooking huge goats over an open flame, which I kind of get. If you told me what I would love to do every day, like one person or cook delicious fucking wild game every day. Oh, yeah. There's something about cooking with real fire. It's just like the game every day. Oh, yeah, there's something about cooking with real fire It's just yeah, you feel like the best thing you can do Yeah, dude chef's table when that shit came out and it was like that was right before I moved to New York I'm living in Baltimore. Yeah, you feel cultured watching it to you like chef's table is like kind of like, you know

Hi, hi in production whatever and I was like, I'm gonna be in New York Like I was finally getting pussy on my own I was gonna be Dinner with Tim Dillon. Yeah. Yeah Getting pussy on your own is a hilarious. I just say that too I was finally getting pussy on my own without a shot without a put out a tutor. Yeah Training wheels on I was getting pussy like I guess outside of a relationship is what I meant to say outside of like a college Relationship right I was like I finally believed in myself I was like 23 24 and I was like just living with my boys in Baltimore man

Well once you like never gets better watching chef's table being like I bet they'll make a new one of these Never made another one all the every other cooking show sucks dick in comparison It really sucks dick and it's like life just doesn't get better than when You're about to do your dream, but you haven't had to do any of the work. Yeah You're just thinking about how awesome it's gonna be. Yeah, I didn't think about fucking you know getting zero pussy in that living room over there, you know what I mean like Goddamn just getting gaining 20 pounds every year Well, once you like once it clicks that you're like,

there's some hot chicks that like fat guys, it's all over. You're like, oh, I don't even need to work on myself. Brendan, that's actually true for me. You clearly still have like, you still hate being fat. Yeah. That's my issue. My issue is, but you clearly are like,

I know you do, man. I know in your head you're like 120 pounds. Yeah. You know what I'm like? I'm trying to get you to accept this. I want you to be good with yourself. I think you need to give yourself more love, but in your head you want to be wearing like women's jeans

and like a, you know what I mean? Like a thin shirt. I want to be like Eminem when he was 25 like Big heavy you know be like I like swimming in my clothes my clothes are actually My body I Know the funny what your body this morphe is one of the funniest aspects of you for sure But you're the only one that's noticed I know

There's this probably you know just a couple more not as many as you'd be worried about you know Here's the issue is that everyone says you're fat like there are people in my life that are like you're not that bad, right? So I'm getting like they're lying. I'm getting misinformation What's the reason a lie here because they because they've picked up on what I've what I just told you and they're protecting your feelings I've mine going on Those have he can't handle he's not strong enough to know how fatty is He's gonna close his eyes and think about being on Epcot right now. That'll be my rock bottom.

Yeah, it's a small world after all. Brennan just has to do that for three minutes every time somebody tells him how fat he is. That'll be my rock bottom. Every time he sees the size on his jeans, he has to like... I'm not changing my ways until they're like, oh, oh. Oh. Oh. I'm not changing my ways until they're like, sir, you cannot ride Thunder Mountain. Yeah.

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Brandon's like it's my mom. Anyone want to be one of the bears for a fast pass? For one fast pass. You're like, uh... Yeah. All serious though, the country bear jamboree is really fun. Yeah, I believe it is, man. Oh, I'm sure, yeah. I'm sure it is. So, okay.

Did they update that one? No, it's still the old fucking, like, the eyes are popping out. It's awesome. It looks bad, right? But it's cool they didn't update it. I kinda like that. I kinda like that. It's cool.

I kinda like that. Yeah, I don't know, man. We don't have to show on Disney anymore man or talk about I like It's getting a lot of laughs When you guys were younger did your moms ever lie to you about your weight like my mom would be like you're gonna go through Your growth spurt and yeah, it's all just gonna absolutely and she didn't say like hey, you should exercise a little bit Yeah, like you're gonna grow out of it. Oh really my mom Over like fatted me like if she got me clothes and you like if I was like 12 She would get me clothes that were like double XL t-shirts like they my mom was like the course only felt well

No, she I guess coddled, but it's like she thought I was this weight Like she said said it in my head that she's like yeah,, we have a fat kid. And I was like 13. Right, right, right. And I was a little boy. And I was just a little boy. Was she right or no? I was a chubby kid. Like I had little puffy nipples and stuff. You know what I'm saying?

Like I had little puffy titties, but I wasn't like, I wasn't obese. Yeah, sure, sure, sure. I mean, I do think there was... was you guys remember the scoliosis screening Mm-hmm, they'd be like alright boys, so we got to check it for scoliosis You're all gonna line up and take your shirts off right right right right? I just sweat yeah When I was in high school we were doing swimming like when they had to do swimming I just kept cutting the class because I didn't want to take my shirt off and go to the pool

But then they called my parents and they were like uh they were like well he's not showing up to the classes and this is a requirement so he needs to do it so there was a part where the rest of the class was doing some other thing in the pool while I was doing what they just did last week like they were outside of the pool it's even more humiliating cuz I'm like, yeah And they're all like judging me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, where's are you just gone? If you'd taken your medicine while everybody else was doing it. Yeah, sorry life lesson, man This is like a helicopter looking for you. We got a we got a fat kids We have a fat kid skipping swim class again. These damn fat kids.

So you were a fat child too, Micah. I didn't realize that. Yeah, I thought you did. I knew you had like, I knew you had like, I knew I didn't realize it was like a fundamentally because we've talked about how you're you don't like getting fatter like now I'm trying to resist like as a dad, you know, you're trying to stay away from fat dad life Yeah, which I think you you're perfect for by the way, but but I knew that was like a worry I didn't realize there was like so when you were like

You know You had like an in-shape period in your you in like your 20s 30s and then it was like, but that, it's sandwiched between a fat childhood and you're fat, now you're the fat father. You know, cause you were telling me how you were like, tried on a 2XL shirt as a joke and it just fit perfectly. That's so funny.

Be like, ah, look how fucking fat I am. Look how big these clothes are. Oh God. This is how I'm supposed to wear T-shirts. These are how T- I'm supposed to wear T-shirts are supposed to feel dude. I know I go to Saudi Arabia. I'm like this is amazing Yeah Fat dad hood is just that seems nice though, man Yeah, but it's just like if your wife leaves you you don't want to be like a fat piece of shit, right?

We'll just strong you have to have big arms. Yeah, just be strong I go to the gym I was swinging a kettlebell the other day in front of the mirror and I was like I think I'm hot Yeah, yeah, so as I guess as long as you think you're hot. That's all it takes. It's all it is It's all it takes you feel powerful. You got to feel strong. Yeah, you know, yeah, that's it Dude, and then I blow up your shoulders and you're like traps. That's it. Yeah fat belly You just big fucking shit with a kid you gotta have a kid though sure you know and that's where that's way You were afforded a route to being sort of fat right that's acceptable and even attractive yeah without a kid

You're just fat. That's what I'm trying to get but without a child You know like I just want to be like that guy you want to get skinny, but you're skinny I just want a big ass arms. I love being I actually love being fat in a way that's fucked up Like I would not choose to be like what I'm supposed to be on the BMI chart Yeah, like if I could snap my I guess I would and then I would just gain like 40 pounds It would be cool if you had like a like that that dude Ethan Suppley kind of hit like his yeah Yeah, like if you had like a like that dude Ethan Supley kind of hit like his yeah Yeah, like if you became like that, I'd love I don't want you to do that I don't want you to be one of those guys that like get surgery or some no

Except like skinny stop not surgery. I would have a hard. Oh my god. Not surgery. I knew somebody We're like, hey, oh, hey stop you look great Right. Oh my god Every new day you wake up is an opportunity. You don't have to be this way, Brendan. You can stop going to Disney World. You can get fucking ripped. You can put on those size 29 jeans

you were thinking about wearing to Warped Tour 15 years ago. That you were there. In a sophomore in high school, you're like, six months from now I'll fit into these jeans. You can get into those jeans right now Brendan I believe in you I would rather be fat than have that fucked up stomach you know I'm saying like that that like that where it's like melted and shit you mean the like the extra

gastric bypass extra yeah the skin is tough that I mean not that I'll ever lose enough weight to have excess skin but that would be one thing I might consider trimming up a little bit you know what I mean get that that get that ever lose enough weight to have excess skin, but that would be one thing I might consider trimming up a little bit, you know what I mean? Get that cool scar, you know? Because I have gotten fat enough where if I do lose weight, it'll probably be a little bit of a bell. But yeah, I agree with you.

You got to have a little belly, man. A man's got to have a belly as far as I'm concerned. Yeah, it's sauce if you don't. Yeah. Elders is kind of like you where he thinks he's fucking hot as shit. And he thinks he's gonna be like, skinny. I'm gonna give you what I want people to give me. You are.

Thank you, you too, brother. Thanks. You're hot, brother. Yeah, you do look like you have full head of hair, beard. Sure. There you go. Yep, but it's like. There's a lot of cosmetic work going on to just, I recently switched over to 3XL, and it's like there's a lot of cosmetic work going on

to just I recently like switched over to 3xl and it's like man t-shirts yeah big difference feel better uh yeah I lost like weight the last couple months but even even still it's like man it feels good just to be in the shirt that fits right yes it just feels good to have like the fabric hang off just a little hand yeah yeah it's like it's like you know you're not visibly trying to fits right. It just feels good to have the fabric hang off you. Just a little hand feels good. Yeah, it's nice. It's like you're not visibly trying to squeeze into something that it just clearly does not fit you.

That only fits in that one straight ahead angle that no one will ever look at you from. You know what I mean? Everyone seeing you from every other angle, you don't have the courage to look at yourself in. Or if you sit down in it, you're fucked, but if you're like standing as tall as possible It's like the 2x is hanging good, but you sit down and it's like all belly you want a little slack when you're sitting Absolutely. I like the way that XL t-shirt fits me now. XL? Yeah. Love it, dude. Yeah back in the X's. I'm at 2 bro Yeah, I'm at 2 XL. Oh, I'm dreaming to get back to two, man.

What do you do? I'm at three, but I lost like, probably like, you know, almost 40 pounds, and I just fit better in the same shirt size. That's a brutal realization. Yeah. To be like 40 pounds of weight loss buys me breathing room in a 3X. Doesn't get me down a size. Yeah buys me a more comfortable fit That's really tough. That's when we were like what's the fucking point? Yeah, put me on those Zempik

What am I working hard for what am I eating vegetables for are you gonna? Would you do Oz? I don't know it scares me feels too good to be true. I know right feels like a deal with another shoe that drop Yeah, I'm giving it a couple more years to see if people start getting stomach cancer right or like some sort of tail growing Yeah, what if it like what if I just it's like oh well it turns out that first batch It was epic actually worked and made your cock bigger But the said that now all the new one batches will never work right and your dick shrivels Anyway, look that's enough of the fat pussy hour We have we have people to help and what better episode what better what better panel to help the everyman than my dear friends

Brendan and Mike and you guys want to plug anything here at the Midway point? I got a podcast new podcast called sag daddy to pod. Hmm. That's out It's fun. Check it out on YouTube and all that stuff and then I got a special coming out in August. I love it Oh, yeah, it's actually out now probably So, yeah specials doing great Actually literally tell us the date and we'll try and do it August 9th is when the specials gonna come out. Well, maybe maybe now I think that you can do it nice. All right, just came out. Well, it just came out the podcast just came out

Well, the podcast is out. I'm sorry. The special just came out the podcast has been a podcast is I just quit it Good guess I couldn't get good guests. Yeah so that was fun. Go watch the six episodes Brendan did do and watch more importantly his special. Mike what do you got for us buddy boy? I'm going through a divorce at the moment. If you could. Yeah, I got a special out on YouTube. It's called I'm normal. And I do a podcast every week called out for smokes with Sean McCarthy and Scott Chaplin. I love it. That special was awesome, too. Thanks. It was really good.

Thanks a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Go watch it. We've plugged it here before, but Ian was talking over you the whole episode. So shit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I was thinking about that him coming to your house and shitting. It's not that he shat. It's just he needs to like over you the whole episode. He took a shit. Yeah, yeah. I was thinking about that. Him coming to your house and shitting. It's not that he shat, it's just he needs to like be the center of attention. Right. Have drama around you all the time. Well, he shit in your life.

Yeah, immediately. Immediately, yeah. And it was like, he can't, and look, you can shit in my house, but it was the first thing he did. The first thing he did, yeah. That's weird. That's weird. It's weird for it to be the first, you just got here. The disrespect. I was podcasting. Yeah, yeah, that's weird. That's weird. It's weird for it to be the you just got here This is I was podcasting yeah at his house

Yeah, I mean I would rather shit in my own house than even a friend's house You can't take a quick shit at your house No, I would hold it in because I need to get all just naked to shit fully nude I get fully nude Do you think every time not even like a bad one if I'm in public no, but every single time But you if I'm at home, I'm just public no, okay, so when you're at LaGuardia I've tried it, but no at my house. I'll get of course and and what's that what you just feel freer freer You can spread your legs out more You know I don't feel like I'm pissing on my clothes on my clothes or like if I have a bad shit

It comes up my back and then like Really don't I wish I didn't eat in salmon and rice Your asshole is over the toilet. I'm not saying if you were pressed against a surface, shit couldn't come up your back, but he's shitting naked. He's like, mommy, I'm done. Every time, huh? Interesting. Yeah. Try it. I've only ever, if I'm really struggling, I've taken my shirt off if I'm like Sick or hungover or like something like that. That's hilarious Middle of the night painful shit Literally praying to God

The only moment to get to the top. I'm like, I'm sorry Lord. I'll never again, fuck, I'll never drink eight whiskeys in order fucking seamless in the Uber. Fall asleep. Fall fully asleep. Be woken up by the delivery guy bringing me a pizza and 20 wings. Wake up, eat them and go immediately back to sleep ever again. And then 45 minutes later, just be like,

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh uh, I guess it has been good being sober. , I'm like, what is this even doing for me? It's like, wow, I haven't had one of those shits in a really, a really long time. I'm doing a sober year Yeah, okay, I turned 35 in February and so But it's been tough good, but having that first whiskey after you haven't drank in a while is like yeah There's nothing better that it's like the drinking is like I just want a couple I would want a little it's it's really the weed that's really getting weed is hard

Oh, yeah, really want to smoke a joint like every night every night I'm every night every morning. I want to wake up and smoke I mean, there's nothing better than coffee in a joint where it is good. Yeah my little speedball. I love that dude I love that low-grade ass speedball So fucking awesome. Yeah, it's the best it has really told me how much I love weed this stretch of being sober Yeah in the past I would get off stuff, like I would, like right before I filmed my special, I was like, all right, two months just to dial in.

But it was like purely like I have to be about my work. And then the minute, and I thought like, oh, weed's not a big deal. Turns out it really is for me. It really fucking is. But anyway, we're good. We've been doing about six months now, so. That's great.

We're six more months, and then we'll see. And then I'm back on the road immediately once that year is up, so then I'm like, should I open the floodgates as soon as I go on the road? That seems like a mistake too. Right. So anyway, we'll see. It might be more than a year.

Maybe I take a little break, and we'll see. Who gives a fuck? Maybe I fully relapse by the time this comes out. It's possible, I've thought about it pretty much every day the last two months. Anyway, let's take some calls. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha guys and your work long time listener first time caller so I don't have a ton of emotional baggage or anything like that for you guys today but I do have something simple that's been going on it's pretty true to my heart and my

stomach steak tacos a little about me I'm 27 I live in Indianapolis I've been trying to diet and get down to like 190 and sitting at about 240. And traditional tacos have been like my favorite food. And I try not to overdo it, especially with my diet. I just got my CDL and I drive for a local company a few months ago. Congrats, bro.

I just started and recently I started having this insatiable fucking craving for steak tacos and I couldn't figure out what it was. I was door dashing them like every other day for lunch or dinner. Well today I found out my boss switched over our fucking company trucks over to biodiesel that uses the oil from a local restaurant chain here in town. I've probably spent like two or three hundred dollars on fucking steak tacos this month. Is steak tacos code for something? Yeah, I know. I'm having trouble following this. I don't think it is. I don't think he's talking about, I know. I'm having trouble following this.

I don't think it is. I don't think he's talking about, you know, I don't think it's the Pizza Gate situation where he's like, oh, some yummy cheese pizza to celebrate. Like a Wayfair kind of situation. Can you kill me? Should I start making it at home? Fuckin' fill my freezer up with flank steak. That really is the answer actually. For like, save on the cost of it.

Alright, let me know. Love you guys, thanks. That actually is the answer. Because steak tacos, if this is not code for child pornography, is a healthy meal. What does the oil have to do with it? Because his truck smells like, so they're on biodiesel So it's like it when he burns it it smells like you're in a fucking carryout So you just smell delicious smells is he saying that or is he saying they get it from a taco place? That's what I that's what I kind of figured, but either way it doesn't really matter

I think he means they switched over the biodiesel. Yeah biodiesel Which is like from a local restaurant chain here in town is now a biodiesel is they use like oils and shit left over Yeah, that's what I think anyway, whatever the answer is make your own yes steak taco flank steak is a pretty lean meat Yeah, that's actually one of my go-to so in in my little Baltimore sabbatical. I have salmon broccoli a lot. I have I make a kind of like Taco meat thing where it's like ground chicken or ground turkey and I saute a bunch of peppers and onions and I eat that with Some cabbage and then another go-to meal is grilled flank steak Which is it's one of the leanest cuts of beef and you the secret is you got to marinate it and I marinated with

one of the leanest cuts of beef, and the secret is you gotta marinate it. And I marinated with some soy sauce, some orange juice, some lime juice, a bunch of chili powder, garlic, onions. You can do chipotle pepper with a dobo sauce. Chipotle pepper with a dobo sauce, exactly. Yeah, and some lime and garlic. Put that in there.

And do like a steak taco bowl, maybe. Bowl, exactly. Avocado. Maybe skip the cheese and the sour cream. Skip the cheese or get Greek yogurt Yeah, make it oh, yeah, you get like low-fat Greek yogurt Which is a huge hack for her for like filling little snacks. I love putting Greek yogurt in like a chili Yeah, dude. Yeah power. That's a great move You know what you got to do you do the chili the hot chili then you do chips on top

Then you do a scoop of Greek yogurt so you get the that's contrast of the cold yogurt. That's beautiful. Absolutely No, that's a that's a go-to move of mine And I had to stop doing that because there was no way for me to eat that with any kind of moderation Sure second I started yeah the second you introduce a tip a chip Over yeah But yeah, you do that buddy get some flank steak marinate it like that grill it up Yeah, it freezes nicely you chop it up into little cubes you can you can cheaper It's cheap. It's way cheaper way cheap. I go to Costco and I get two flank steaks

I marinate one I grill one I married them both I put one in the freezer after two or three days And then I grill one and then whenever I feel like having another one I just like in fact I go back to Baltimore today There's a marinated flank steak waiting for me that I'm gonna fucking take out. Oh hell. Yeah, mm-hmm or Fuck all that yeah Just keep going keep doing you bro. Yeah tacos. Yeah, yeah, yeah, go through a couple drive-thrus, bro. Mm-hmm Yeah, you go start going to Taco Bell

a couple drive-thrus bro mm-hmm yeah you go start going to Taco Bell starting to go bone the daytime but you could do a nice burrito bowl with like steak rice beans avocado yes you go incredibly filling yeah yeah yeah yeah that's good shit and hot sauces that's another little hack okay hot sauce has no fucking calories and they find a couple sauces you really like fucking hammer them home you're in good shape little buddy We're gonna change this guy's life. I'm fucking hungry shit. Yeah, dude. I'm like starving now. That's making my dick hard hilarious I'm starving you can be starving man. It's okay Those second guess yourself man. You're allowed to feel you're allowed to feel hung deeper starving though

Who's the last time you had was your last time I ate? at Deep hunger starving though. When was the last time you had was your last time I ate at Ten last night and P. Oh, that's you're I'm starving Be your little That was John Panetta's catchphrase. Yeah, you should really yeah. Yeah, I know you had a catchphrase Yeah, even as a child. I think he's very funny, but as a child as a fat child I was like this feels feels like minstrel-y. Yeah.

It feels like he's fucking tap dancing for the non-fat community. Yeah. Because he was funny, he had good jokes, and then he'd be like, I'm starving. I'd be like, take it down. Yeah, yeah, like, have some respect for yourself. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, may he rest in peace. Yeah.

He was great live. Yeah, I hugely respect him, obviously, and people are people like have you seen your own act you fat piece of shit Yeah, I know right relax, but there is a difference between like oh, here's a situational thing and then being like I'm a fatty I think it was literally I'm starving that pissed me off right right Cuz it was like the punctuation on already good jokes And then yeah, like it's like let me spell it out for these fucking retards you don't get it dead loves him cuz she worked at Caroline's and she said he would come in he'd be like in a really good mood he have a he'd have a wine bottle full of

M&Ms you'd pour it in the people's mouth he's the man I wish I I wish I'd met him but yeah what can you do yeah what else we got LD? Yeah, so my guy, so what's up, Stavi, eldest, esteemed guest. So to give you some background on myself before I ask advice, I'm 28 years old. I grew up in the diner business. Pretty much my whole family, both sides of my family is in the diner business i know stereotypical greek from new jersey but uh... they're going to die or business but went to school for accounting got fucking two degrees in accounting had a pretty good job for a few years but i'm just a federal one for me

you know the by eighty-two couldn't handle the best job so uh... join my dad full-time at the diner nice about a year ago and also I was in a long-term relationship almost like five and a half years that started from college but I'm single now and so my question for you kind of had this debate with a couple friends but how do you feel about me also, you know being a manager Either You know flirting

Either customers or co-workers piece I think definitely talk about yeah this guy's like I have a question fuck all my customers fuck the 14 year old hostess yeah she's giving me very good vibes how do you feel about me drugging the woman that come in here he's like yeah you know I thought it's gonna be something about like oh do I want to be my family business yeah no of course I just ended up in the diner and now I ain't got no fuckin' bitch around my neck like a fuckin' anvil. So can I fuck the teenagers that serve mozzarella sticks

in my fuckin' business? Hilarious. Let's give them the benefit of the doubt. Let's see if there's anything more. I doubt there is, let's share a button should I unbutton? Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. Let's see what he's got here. As opposed to a customer. Either way, I think they're both pretty messy and I haven't done either in the year that I've been working at the diner.

Okay. But I was surprised that you know one of my friends thought that it was almost worse to do that with customers and co-workers so kind of just love to get your take kind of two-part question one is to for you know if I'm being a pussy being too hard on myself and you are too afraid that's hilarious awesome first question the accounting corporate world where it was very instilled in me to Leave all that shit out of the workplace, you know, obviously the restaurant industry is you know has a little bit of different standards Should it I mean it does if that's even

Okay at all and kind of second part is you know how would you rank those two doing that with customers as opposed to co-workers because you know I think customers is not great either because I don't want to get like a reputation around town of you know being a fucking you know perv at the diner and ass and girls out so you know I think they're both kind of that 90% chance. I Don't do either because I'm a fucking pussy anyway, but um, yeah Because he's the thing like I make this schedule so you know, sometimes I could be like if you fuck me I'll give you Thursday off

Right, I mean awesome that it's this is two-parter and part one is am I being too hard on myself? It's corporate America too strict about That's part one, how about this one no, you're not being too hard on yourself All right. Here's what you do. You can you can fuck your co-workers, but only the kitchen staff So I mean, you know, obviously, and coworkers is hilarious too, because your father owns the diner. You mean my employees.

Yeah, yeah. Like, don't fucking, you know, separate yourself further from the power dynamics here. Don't put them in that kind of position. Yeah, it's weird. You're the owner's son, you're probably being groomed yourself further from the power dynamics here don't put them in that kind of position also weird You're the owner son you're probably being groomed to fucking own the business at some point you have you know He acts like he had two accounting degrees then he went to it's like like that's some fucking impressive things like Just went to school to do the books that you're like yeah Like Kenny Powers yeah

He thinks he's like Kenny Powers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you didn't fucking leave your Rhodes scholarship to go back to the diner. You fucking went to school to run a diner essentially. This is like, this is like an origin story where the guy like doesn't realize he's like just there's like no agency at all. He's just like predestined for his like destiny. He's like you know a few years away from like being the villain or whatever just like you know he's gonna have some chains he will have a couple like this like the third buttons unbuttoned no he's like Tim Allen and Santa Claus where it's like he

shaved in the beard going back and it's like he goes to college he gets a regular job but he just wakes up in the diner every time he goes to college, he gets a regular job, but he just wakes up in the diner every time. He goes to bed in a Manhattan high-rise, he wakes up in a booth next to a 15-year-old Guatemalan. He's like, well, how'd I get here? Yeah, dude, so don't, obviously. You don't want an entire staff of people making fun of your dick. Yeah, like it's just like this is so Clearly a bad idea. Yeah insane. This took you almost three. It's also a long question to ask

It's a preamble. We didn't need and it's way too wordy. But either way Don't do either of these things right like look an abuse of power and in which ones worse yes your power You know I mean I turn a diner Of the people that work for you it is yeah, but they're like What is the point in working like a job like this if you can't fuck everybody? Like having a roof over your head If I find myself staring at cakes all day, I'm like, all right, I'm gonna I gotta fuck somebody Okay, man, it's been someone you doesn't work for you

I know it makes sense if you work at like Saturday Night Live to be like I can't be fucking everybody, but it's like what a fucking bullshit. It's not her in the middle of nowhere about you It's about the like 19 year old girls that don't want to fuck you that feel a pressure to right try and fuck them right I guess the pressure Future in this business. Not the business, man. It's because it's fucked up to do. It's not about their career.

It's Harvey Weinstein, manager at the diner. Same thing. Fuck whoever you want, bro. You know what? Choose who you listen to here. Stack a load of us. Yeah, you know what? Choose who you listen to here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sagalow or us. Yeah. Hahaha.

That's, yeah, this is good. This is a choose your own adventure. Yeah. Go with Sagalow. Haha. Sagalow's like, I think you should exploit those low-wage women. Yeah. Yeah.

That are probably trafficked here. You should, you should email them in writing and tell them you'll give them a raise if they fuck you. Right, yeah. Hahaha. You want that, you want that day shift, don't you? Get it right. Yeah, then they can't not fuck you. They've signed an agreement. Yeah, sorry.

I didn't know the diner industry was so, you know, wow, okay. It's like, God, I'm the smartest guy in the world. This guy's like, smartest pussy-getter there is. You guys are like, you guys are like, oh, you don't wanna take advantage of the person who's working the drive thru. They just take everything. You literally don't!

You literally don't wanna take advantage of it. You work at a fucking diner! Oh my God. You poke off the grill! Oh God. I Again, this is like a- This guy daggers his fucking business cake away when he listens to Brandon. Yeah, go with the devil, bro. Ah, this is awesome, man. Yeah, this is like- Irana, he- she had a, uh, a letter that was written in crayon that was signed on the back of a menu.

This is like a Meet the Press where we have two different a- a competing- a competing side to different philosophies. A sex scandal rocks a local New Jersey diner. I mean, if you can't fuck side Local New Jersey diner Fuck your employees at a diner, where can you fuck out your employees? Selling crack and you guys like you know, but you gotta respect it No, but you don't see how that could have like legal

The defendant claims he was listening to stop these were a And got the advice from either way listen the news wouldn't even pick this up. Yeah. Yeah, probably not You're probably right, but I would say don't fuck your don't and get stop saying co-workers. They're your employees Don't fuck them and yeah customers. It's a matter of like if there's signals or whatever Yeah, you still probably shouldn't if you're gonna be professional But it's like that's when that's what I may be more towards Brendan's line of thinking where it's like hey, man If if being the owner of this diner gives you some kind of prestige with some trashy Or that likes to get pancakes every fucking Thursday saying this guy's not Leonardo DiCaprio. This isn't like, uh, abuse of power.

It is, though. It is abuse of power. What power? This person's livelihood. These people needed you. I got keys to the place. That's the power this guy has. You're not supposed to fuck your employees, Brendan.

That's a clear thing. I even had to mop up the floors in two years. I know you haven't had any responsibility in your life ever. So it's kind of hard for you to even consider a scenario where a woman needs your opinion for anything. But if you were to find yourself in that scenario. Imagine if Mickey fucked Daisy Duck. That would be very...

That's yourself. That's your growth code. That's your growth code. Daisy duck Disney's a huge corporation this isn't like This is like We're going down this line of reasoning that makes no sense if Mickey was the CEO This is a just a random diner Mickey Mouse gonna fuck the churro girl. Yeah, no he can't Scaling is yeah now steamboat Willie before he was making He could have fucked to everyone a call from this another call this guy hey Stav, my dad lost his business. He killed himself. So yeah man, there you go. Two very well thought out answers to your question.

You decide who you go with, man. We'll leave it up to you. Good luck, buddy. What'd you do, dummy? You do have a pretty normal fan base though compared to other shows Yeah, I think so I mean we also have thousands of calls will never get to yeah Yeah, they're probably unhinged There's a lot of rough one like when there's like a when like a special drops or stops like really doing something like kind of

Bigger like that's when it just an inch long of like bullshit like just nothing problems They just want to yeah drop in and say hi. Yeah, it's a lot of sifting But you know I like talking to my Greek diner brother Yeah, this next call is gonna be like the manager at my diner that I work at He said he knew you stop He kind of used you as like a abuse of power He said he knew you, Stav. Like, he kind of used you as like an abusive power. Here, what do we got, LD?

Hey fellas. My name's Zach, 34. So I'll get into it. So I have a seven year old. I got three kids, you got a seven-year-old. I have three kids. I have a seven-year-old. My oldest. I'm happily married. I've got two other kids with my wife. My wife took over and adopted my son because his mother, when he was six months old, due to postpartum or whatever relapse on cocaine and is now a fentanyl addict. I haven't heard from him or tried to call him or anything or me or my wife or anybody in six and a half years.

The problem is my son does not know that my wife adopted him and with her being like my ex being a fentanyl addict and everything it's basically a matter of time until she croaks so I'm just wondering should I try to get ahead of that and try to talk to my son with my wife or should we just avoid the whole thing I don't want him to ever feel like I lied to him or anything like that. But I really don't want to have to explain to him after she's dead either. Let me know what you think. Thanks. Sentinel, Brendan, you want to take this one? What of the many members of your family who

have been in this position? Brandon, can you fuck a woman you're selling fentanyl to? Of course, you're a fentanyl salesman! That's the point of the job! Yeah, honestly, if that was the situation, I would agree with that. Okay, so let's go to... Let's actually try and answer this fucking guy's question. This is a tough one. This is heavy, yeah. Did the kid ever know his mom?

Doesn't sound like it, right? He never knew his mom. No, he says, the problem is my son does not know that my wife... She was out of the picture when he was six months old. Six months old, okay. So all he knows is this new woman who's adopted him right. He's also assuming that his like ex is going to croak like and die. True. That's an assumption.

So it's hard to it's hard to sit your son down and be like, look, this is what your your actual mother is a fucking drug addict and she might die one day. It's like where do you see that conversation going to? I see it more reasonable to be like this is what happened and she's dead now but I could be wrong about that this is like so heavy this is tough because it like I also feel like you should talk to a like child psychiatrist or psychologist right I don't know when because kids young like this that's a lot to drop on a kid I actually like I'm not thinking of adopting a kid or anything but I was

like I got into like a reddit foxhole a few days ago where I was like reading about like how do you tell like adopted kids like what is what is a story how do they like understand their identity or whatever and I think like orthodoxy is like you want to tell the kid basically ASAP preferably like before they're even old enough to remember it so you start like telling them in like child language when they're an infant, yeah so they just know

it their whole lives if you don't do that like you basically need to like tell them ASAP couch it, couch it, cause you're like dropping a bomb on them yeah, yeah, and like 7 years old that is like very human, they know what's up They think like you're they're like biological mom and dad or whatever right?

That is like a bombshell just like a shift in their like reality or something So a lot of people were saying like talk to yeah talk to like a child Therapist or something and you got to couch it in like positive terms that like a kid could understand right you know just so you know Tell them like they're a baby But yeah, you basically need to like cuz the kids gonna like find out one day obviously They're like pretty good like you know you don't want them to find out They're adopted or something with their like 18 right the dad's like remember when I took you to Chuck E cheese Well, they found your mother's body in the parking

That Chuck E Cheese Strong Um Yeah, so and the other thing is like yeah, this woman is an addict and you like you said Brendan He's assuming she's good die or whatever, but it's like And you like you said Brendan she's assuming she's good die or whatever, but it's like What if she tries to make contact like what if she does get her shit together even like what if there's a positive situation? Where she does get her shit together and like obviously she's not gonna have the role a mother Traditionally has in this kid's life, but maybe she does so I mean yeah again eldest reading a couple reddit threads

Doesn't really qualify as expert advice. So you should talk to a child psychiatrist here. Hey, I read a couple Google quick answers. Okay, okay, all right, all right. Why the fuck were we even, that's interesting, why were you even in the adoption? I honestly don't know. It is interesting.

Yeah. It is kind of interesting. I was like, when do you tell a kid they're adopted? It's just crazy to think about. Yeah, yeah. I don't know. Yeah, it is kind of it. I was like when do you tell a kid? They're adopted just crazy to think about like yeah, yeah, I don't know yeah, that makes sense Tell them so it's just like a fact of life right right Yeah, like yeah, where your good parents right? We're your second better Group of parents that actually love you Remember when Ian flipped out about the sperm donor? What happens so funny some guy called in and he was like Sperm donor it was like do sperm donors have a right to see their kids and Ian was like, of course they do man

It's your come Just like just coming to grips the fact he's probably not having a traditional like family and his best bet is some so busy forgot about ten years ago became a person So now is I oh, that's my kid With how gay I am Like the movie I Am Sam. He's got to fight a legal battle to see his sperm donor. But anyway, but you know what a lot of dumbasses on the internet agreed with Ian with similar issues I would assume.

Okay. It became a very contentious topic. Interesting. On the thing where people were like, where you know, know I anyway we don't have to keep going over it But yeah, I really do feel like who your parents are who fucking raised you and like her raise an absolute. Yeah So but anyway Figure this I mean you know eldest sounded like he made some sense But talk to a child therapist psychologist something like that and then just do what they tell him to do it

It's like he has a someone you know That's his mom Obviously those are his siblings like to him the positive thing is that? He sort of did that with his relationship to his mother isn't you know his adopted mother like That's just who is his mom like he didn't have to adjust to that which that's a positive And in a perfect world Maybe you would have kind of done both in a way where it's like, you know, whatever But you go talk to his definitely pediatrician child psychiatrist or something like that

Because you know, we're just cannot tell you what to do here Yeah, my cousin's adopted and my family doesn't really acknowledge it and my my grandparents are always like nicer to him Because they were like compensating they felt bad, you know, I was like, what is this about? Yeah, that's weird Yeah, so you didn't know until like you were an adult that they were down. Yeah. Yeah, huh? Yeah, I never I mean I always think I also think people should adopt way more Yeah, because there's so many fucking kids and it's like I've always loved to adopt. Yeah, I would love to have a different Race kid I have to say yeah, I I've like I'm trying to write a bit of us I don't want to like do my bit on the pod, but it's like

My family's genes. I'm bringing more of you right yeah Right my family are fucking stupid as shit. Yeah, everyone's mentally ill. I was fucking like has health problems It's like just let me roll the dice. Yeah. Let me fuck. It's like playing a scratch off. Unless you adopt some kid with worse problems. Yeah, but I want my kid to have a little like African brother or like Chinese brother. That'd be fun. Shake it up, dude. Shake that shit up. But it's like, yeah, is that the way we should be thinking about it? Probably not. But do you want that fucking kid in some kind of cement orphanage getting one meal out of a big pot with just you want him and his brother to fight crime someday yeah all

right what else we got all this anything else good what I've style first time long time all that bullshit dude, honestly I'm trying to figure out like can I get this bitch fired for my work cuz that's fucking hater I Just started this job two months ago. I'm a marketer for a school and like every mark like marketing tool school and like every mark like marketing tool like graphic I make she's got some small tweak to it but like 50 times over and over nothing I do is complete or good enough and even my boss is like dude like I don't know what this looks fine to me like I don't know why she has a problem with this but I'm supposed to run it by her for some reason and like I had a one-on-one conversation with her things just aren't getting better so

like is there a way I could plant drugs in her office like get her fired because I don't think anybody likes this bitch she's probably the worst person I've ever met I do the fucking right approach and be nice, have an adult conversation. But like, I just started this job and I don't think I've wanted to punch someone in the face more. She's one of those people like you can never please her. I don't know. You got any advice?

Anything I can say to her? Or any way, any ruse, elaborate plan, to make her lose her job and ruin her life. All right, thanks. So funny the difference between the last one and this one, where it's like, the last one's like such a real life, like adopted kid, fentanyl abuser, and this guy's like, can I just like get this bitch fired?

She doesn't like my gradients What about this you do a graphic you ask her for notes then you go, okay Yeah, it sounds great. Then when you turn in the graphic you go and I incorporated Cheryl's notes into the thing They're just a giant like swastika That's good and you're the you're gonna Photoshop you can Photoshop our emails. Yeah, Photoshop emails, yeah. Love the swastika. Great swastika, with a big thumbs up emoji. I mean this is also a little bit of this guy, sounds pretty young, this sounds like his first job out of college,

and it's like he's realizing how fucking stupid working is. And how bad offices are. And how, yes, it's inefficient, and old people that don't know what the fuck they're doing have seniority, and it's like, you're falling right into this dumb horse trap by being this pissed off. You have to realize that,

he's trying to do a good job. If she wants to slow things down forever, let her do it Yeah, or if you really have fat nuts go over her head, but you sound like a fucking coward Like I just think what you need to do is So she's figured out a way to annoy you right? How about you fight fire with fire? How about you just annoy her don't do her changes. What's gonna happen? Hmm? What's gonna? Yeah, truly what's gonna happen be like or just be like here's the thing Just be like yep sounds good, and don't do it right yeah, and you ever try I heard no Brooks would do that when they were making blazing yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, you just wouldn't say yeah great Yeah, because this is the type person who like just want and like just be like if she makes A stink about it, then she looks crazy. Yeah. Yeah, just keep doing that You're not gonna be able to you do have to learn You do have to learn a little bit of like office espionage type shit or like or like just you know This is a this is a person who you've already tried having a one You know the nice respectful conversation This private somebody who feels threatened because she doesn't have the skills

You're you're like young you're out of school you understand marketing in a way that she doesn't anymore probably And like she's just she just wants to flex her pussy on you because she has seniority and most people that's the other thing You learn about working people love having seniority people love like Lord Lording some bullshit over you so You just need to pick your spots you need to figure out ways to yes subtly fuck her over not planning drugs But like ignoring shit She says right cutting her out of emails and then apologizing and like you know just shit like this, dude But you also have to just make peace with this is what a corporate environment is emails and then apologizing and like you know just shit like this dude but you

also have to just make peace with this is what a corporate environment is you have to do your job you have to not do a good job do just enough of a job to keep getting paid yeah and like don't let these people fucking get you down because there's a ton of fucking people like this in these jobs. I used to love figuring out how to survive with the least amount of work possible. I loved that. I was a paralegal, I did no work from like almost a year. It was awesome.

I mean that's kind of what doing standup is, surviving with the least amount of work. Yeah, I mean with standup, you actually like it though, you know, where it's like you enjoy doing the thing where it's like we have this bullshit you're like the point is to do zero yeah you just hide stuff in the graphics like how Disney does it yeah like put like a penis in the heart the guys hard dick in Little Mermaid the priest's hard dick priest hard cock in Little Mermaid. Classic.

So yeah dude, I don't know, this is just like, this is reality brother. And you know, you could, you could, I don't know, bring her, put laxatives in her coffee. Yeah, poison her. You could do little minor things like that. But it's more like you need to learn how to annoy her. She's doing something that's annoying to you, and we don't know the specifics of your office, right? We don't know what her role is technically. She's your superior, but she's not your boss So it's like how can you maneuver yourself to just get her to stop looking at your stuff? Yeah And he's like you could do whatever you want in office. No one is paying attention

You could just stop doing the protocol and as long as you keep doing your job, no one's gonna care You know what I mean? You just have to be savvy about these things. You're not though. You're clearly not and you're like You're still going about things the way she wants you to so It's a little hard without specifics of knowing the chain, but it's like you got to manipulate how a workplace works You were the one who probably worked the most in a corporate environment, Elders. Do you have anything specific for our friend here? Yeah, I mean, I saw a bunch of, you know, just shit like this. One time I had a, like...

I was, like, confronted by a coworker who my boss took off, like, a client email that she was on. And then she, like, confronted me about it when he wasn't in the office that day. She was like, did he take me off that email? I was like, oh, I don't know. It was like two weeks after I started. So there's like a bunch of little petty bullshit like that. Playing dumb is huge. Playing dumb is maybe your biggest friend

in a corporate environment. Yeah, play dumb, be easy, breezy, ignore her bullshit. And yeah, she'll look like a dumb bitch and she escalates it. And also, your boss does, I mean, unless your boss is like a toxic retard too, like he doesn't want to hear about this shit No, you got like one or two, and that's like yeah, whatever add the fucking comma to the presentation I don't know right. It's like when when Paulie threatened

Christopher about going to Tony you know I mean at a certain point you have to handle that can jump in yeah Yeah, you have to handle your own shit you know you can't be you can't be tattling to the big man right and so and by the way how about try a little bit of the catch more flies with honey thing right you've probably been combative you probably do have a you probably read as having a bad attitude I mean you it comes across in this fucking voicemail talking about fucking ruining this woman's life get her a a fucking Danish, bring her a coffee. Yeah.

Kindness, yeah. Make it a little easier for her to be like, do whatever you want. Yeah, like that's the thing. It's like this isn't a competition. Yes, it's stupid, but you have to live with these people. That's the thing people don't understand about jobs. And this is everything. It's like the work is like 40% of it.

The rest of it is like these are people you see every day. People just want to have a good time. Most of life is like 40% of it the rest of it is like these are people you see every day People just want to have a good time most of life is like that. It's not about what you do entertainment It's certainly not about being talented How many fucking people just like know the right people are? Pleasant to work with or like kiss the right asses, and it's like your own you think your dumb Marketing job is a meritocracy, and it's like no you're in some stupid You know company that you have to play the game a little bit Yeah, your life is like an episode of like vice principals

Important or no, yeah the other day your work is meaningless Yeah, wait more people yourself more people gonna come to your stupid community college cuz you fucking made a really cool fucking graphic Remember that doesn't matter Fucking yeah, just fucking get get your paychecks and live a full life Fucking pussy Eldest little eldest you have a tiny fucking dick Play a fucking call or I will make you suck my dick and balls Esteemed yes, thanks for my call

I'm 31 years old just for context. I am married and my wife is about to Have our first child and then I'm gonna have some of those very positive direction good for you That's just a little bit of context The real problem is that I have this this close friend. He was a groomsman in my wedding. He's a best friend really and He was a groomsman at my wedding. He's a best friend, really. And he is a former heroin addict who has been clean, or so I thought, for about a decade. And in talking with him on the phone last week,

I learned that, you know, he just kind of dropped the news on me that he is addicted to Xanax. He's been taking about 32 milligrams a day. 32. And he doesn't want to tell his parents because he's afraid he'll give them a heart attack and put them in an early grave. He doesn't want to go to rehab for the same reason. He doesn't want to derail his life. He's got this new job on the horizon that he's excited about starting.

He can't afford to derail things by going to rehab the problem is my life is moving that probably yeah that's a smart way to look at it like a thousand miles away from this guy I'm in New Orleans he's in Austin he really leaned heavily on me through calls and texts for emotional support and kind of just to like dump his woes on me and I don't know how to set up a boundary with this guy. I was there for him a decade ago when he was strung out on heroin. I'm trying to be there for him now, but I just don't know when to say when because the calls are pretty constant. And I'm sober, have been

for a couple years now. He's all fucked up and I just don't know, you know, where to draw the line. I love him to death, but I don't love him to death but I don't want him to die and I don't want to abandon him so any advice would be very helpful man thanks well love you this is crazy you're not gonna abandon him and also he's put you yeah he's be guilting you essentially yeah he's putting you in this position you have a fucking kid I mean by the way. He said his kids coming in a month, right? Yeah, this is gonna take care of itself because when your fucking kid is born yeah, there's no way you're answering this fucking junkie's calls You're not you're fucking you're blocking this fucking guy you're like I have to like look out for my son if this dude's not going to rehab

It's like okay. Well, that's the answer you got to go to rehab But cuz I'm afraid my parents are gonna get a heart attack shouldn't have got addicted to drugs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It fell apart. It's like it's like I have I diarrhea down my leg, but I can't get new pants Yeah Okay, just walk around with shit your pants Yeah, okay, just walk around with shit in your pants Yeah, it's like what the fuck it happened the thing the bad thing happened. Yeah, rehab isn't the bad thing You've done the bad thing by taking drugs again. My mom's gonna cry I got a good job. He can do it again if he gets clean like it'll be it'll be fine

But he's got a good rehab and and I get where our callers coming from because imagine being in this kind of friendship and like Clearly he cares about this person clearly they've been through a lot. He's our caller is also sober He's going in the right and I some I can assume that there's almost like survivors guilt when you're the kind of person who's gotten Out of that life. Yeah, your life is together. You have a family You're feeling good, and you feel bad about this guy, but you also At this point dude, it's not even about you anymore. This is, even if you called us and you were 25,

freshly sober, I would say like, hey man, you gotta peel away a little bit, but ultimately it's your decision, this is your life. Now, you got a fucking kid coming. You can't do anything that puts you in like, a weird spot with your own sobriety You know what I mean? Like not that he's even said that but it's like I don't know all that stress of like a family and your friend

Relapsing it's like that on yourself, right? Yeah, it's like what if that leads you to fucking relapsing and then you fucking what you're trying to get clean while you have a newborn That's tough, bro. So yeah, this guy's in denial about his this thing He's got to go to rehab. He's got to stop this because I got a little here's the thing when you start taking pills, you know Casually start rolling it back right typically that that and those MGs don't start going down Yeah, you know what I mean, and you don't stay at Xanax either Xanax turns into fucking like perks, which then just goes in and becomes heroin.

I mean, you get back to the opioids, and it's like you're back to just doing fucking heroin. So, you're about to have a kid, and all you can do is be like, dude, my wife is fucking eight months pregnant. And then once you have a newborn and a job, you just straight up won't have time right Mike You you your kids pretty young but like what's it like when he's like a newborn?

You don't have time for shit Do you you have a little more time because you can carry him around places right so you got like maybe a year? Where you can put your kid in the carrier, but then once you go down Yeah, go you know bill your friend out of jail With a with a bjorn on go go pay the hooker that your friend. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But dude, I don't know man. It's like We feel for you obviously because this is difficult and it's like one of his best friends Like I keep every time somebody says that it's like I think about like what if else this was this fucking strung out?

Like that would be harder than some theoretical guy who's on drugs like I get about like what if Elvis was this fucking strung out like that would be harder than some Theoretical guy who's on drugs like I get why that's difficult, but This is someone that like Let's be honest seems to be taking a lot more from you than he's giving right like it's not a two-way This relationship isn't a two-way street, and you've got a fucking family dude. You're about to have a fucking kid I get that he was a groomsman I get that you feel bad about this stuff, but yeah You can't jeopardize the nice path that you're on and all you can say is like hey, man I really think you need to go to fucking rehab what you need to do because It's just like the idea that he's gonna keep this awesome job and get it together at a later time is kind of crazy

And yeah, he's just gonna have to figure it out Yeah You're not gonna be able to answer all these calls once this kid comes and like even if the guy does die We should be horrible. It's still not your fault. Yes. Yeah worst-case scenario, which is like Bad shit happening. This is not your fault at all. It's like you're both grown men You've done you've taken responsibility for your shit we're not judging, you know, nobody who's judging fucking substance abuse, but it's like he's got it he's got to take a little responsibility here and he's got to do it on his own and it would be different if

you also got something out of this relationship, but you know maybe he's just looking out for like it's it's like a little bit of a cry for help shit, but it's like, eventually it's gonna get worse whether you like it or not, and it's like, even if you were this guy's caretaker, he probably would go down a bad path. Cause like, I know in my own,

I've never been that, this fucking bad, but it's like, when you let a little, when you peek in, it's hard to get it under control again. And he doesn't wanna go to rehab, okay, go to fucking NA. Like what the fuck? He's gotta do something. He's gotta go to somewhere where they have, I mean those programs are support systems.

Get a fucking sponsor, that's exactly, this is like classic sponsor stuff of like, call me if you're ever thinking about using. That's what he needs to do. You have to push him towards that and by the way you're doing the right thing for him by saying that because You're preparing him for the reality of you when you have a fucking newborn, right? There's no way you're gonna be a president in his life and it gives you like a An out where you can almost say like hey, man. I love you. I'm worried about you I know I'm not gonna be able to be there for you the way I used to be because I have a fucking kid on

The way and by the way if this guy makes us think about that. Yeah, then you tell him to fuck off That's that actually helps you cuz then you just fucking block his number and tell him to go fuck himself Being that selfish that he thinks his life is more important than a fucking little baby's life Yeah, you nutted in a woman nine months ago and that fucking nut is about to fucking come to fruition mm-hmm right so anyway that sucks though Push a baby out of her pussy here yeah Exact the mundo so yeah good luck. Hope this guy gets you shit together. I hope this guy's alive in August. When this comes out. Seems pretty urgent to have a call.

He's been waiting months to get their drug addicted friends. Yeah. Well, this would have been good news yesterday. He called relatively soon. My dad's taking a bunch of hostages. If you're looking for timely advice, this is not the show for you. You got something fun for us, Elders? Something fun to take us out?

Hey, Starr, hey, Elders. This isn't exactly a question, but could use a little bit of help with dealing with it I Heard on you guys this podcast a little while ago a guy was talking about how it's that sister wanted to fuck him and Sagalow yeah, I'm sure like that story because when I was 17 my step sister wanted to fuck me and Not gonna lie fucking went through with it nice Although it probably wasn't the greatest decision. It was kind of fucking awesome At the time I didn't know that she was gonna be my step-sister My dad and her mom were just dating and she asked me if I wanted to hang out

All right You know how it goes anyway to hang out, I'm like, all right. You know how that goes, anyway. I don't know what that guy did in his situation, but what I did was just go ahead and have a little fun, fucking live a little. Although now it's kinda awkward at the family reunions and shit sure

I don't know what to do about that awkwardness the size just kind of you know forget about it Yeah Fucking out nice dude. Well, that's a cool call. Yeah to brag about fucking Not even your stepsister, but a girl that was your dad's girlfriend's daughter. This is like best case scenario for life. Like, you fuck some hot chick that's like now your stepsister, which is kinda hot, and she's always gonna be there.

So that pussy's always gonna be there, and you're not You're not regular blood related Thanksgiving you got something kind of lined up Well, it doesn't seem like they're continuing to fuck it seems like they fucked once and then kind of it laughs I don't even understand why there's awkwardness Sorry not to be I you know. I think it would. And not empathetic, but.

No, but it's like, let's say, okay, so they weren't stepbrother, stepsister, right? It was like, some, her mom was dating his dad, and they fucked, right? Right. And then it's like, all right, that was fun, but we're both 17 and we're not compatible, we're just like horny, and we fucked,

and it's like, should probably whatever it didn't It's not something that I'm interested in and then your parents get married And then it's like imagine somebody you just kind of fucked when you were 17 and just like run into them And maybe they're dating other people you know what I mean like there's nothing in the rule book that says you can't fuck your stepsister I would have fucked at my parents wedding This is like dream scenario, man? We really got bad Brandon on the I like this. I actually I'm with him on this one a little bit Hey, much more so than much more so than the diner

This episode for me is dark dark pussy while you can Okay, get pussy anywhere you can anyhow you can yeah dark pussy while you can Anywhere you can anyhow you can yeah get pussy while you can the pussy scavenger. Yeah Yeah, the ghost of pussy past Brendan Sagalow right get it now before they make a law against It's not even illegal. Well, it's not in the law books. Seriously. Fuck now. It's not even illegal to do this. You haven't broken a law. Forget the difference between morality and illegality. That doesn't matter.

They're going to introduce a bill in three years that says you can't fuck your stepsister. Just don't come in here. Yeah, that's true. Well, but even though you're not going to be related. But even then, it doesn't, I mean, yeah, it doesn't matter. It's not going to fuck the kid. No, I'm sort of, I'm busting your bones about the other one, obviously, but this one, that's well, but even though you're not but even that it doesn't I mean, yeah, it doesn't matter It's no I'm sort of I I were but I'm busting your bones about the other one obviously But this one it's like step step shit is like what it's some it's supposed to be my fucking full I'm a horny whatever and you you couldn't make it work with my mother. So now I can't fuck this lady's daughter, right?

That's not all me. That's right you for not being a good good husband in the first place, right? If anything, it's kind of good because you good good husband in the first place right if anything it's kind of good because you're keeping stuff in the family you know like you know strangers that's a great point you fucked my mom I can't fuck your daughter yeah exactly so yeah man he didn't really have a question. He was more just kind of bragging about getting pussy.

Which, respect. Yeah. You know, we like to end the episodes with some fun calls. And that was pretty fun. This Canadian guy who fucked his stepsister and now just, it's a little awkward at Christmas. But hey, he got pussy. That's cool, I guess. And it's not going to gonna the last time you guys fuck

No way we'll fuck somebody and if she's hot and you guys had fun like yeah There's gonna be a Christmas where you're both in relationships for the rest of the turn of well You know what I'm talking about if they have don't obvious if you're having to be single. I mean original call He's referring to It was it was cheating. Yeah, the lady with the daughter was a good point mom That's a good day to the dad so you are right though Brendan in that it is this fucked up like Gray area that makes it hotter Yeah, you know what I mean like it does like the fact that it's a little like things you're not supposed to do

But they're not wrong right that is hot like when you fucking X and it's like this is a bad idea or cousin Settle down the Italian finally the Italian comes to weigh in on fucking your cousin Uh, yeah, now you and brendan switched roles She looking like my grandma She look like my grandma. She look like my nonna. It just, it has... I will tell you one time when I was like 14 I gave my cousin a little back massage.

It was nice. It might have been the best boner I've ever had. Gotta respect that, dude. You know, if you guys were in the old country, that night would have ended differently. Yeah. This should be a question of how am I not supposed to want to fuck her all the time. That should be the conflict.

I see your husband instead of that black guy she married. And which one's really worse if you think about it guys? Right. Come on! They're both not natural but one, at least you keep it in a vein, please. It's both an abomination but at least I get to fuck my car's ass. At least you'll go to heaven. At least you'll get to go to heaven with a voucher. The pope can sign something that says you're good,

but a black guy. Yeah, he's like, no step sister of mine is gonna fuck up only on. Alright, so yeah man, congratulations, you fucked your step sister. That's gonna do it for us folks. Fellas, thank you. Thanks for coming on the pod. This was very fun. This was so fun. We'll listen to the pod, both the pods.

Watch both specials. Brendan's out just recently. Racine's been out for a while, very funny. I'm normal, go see it. Sagg's what you're supposed to call. I'm on Instagram. But it's gonna be called. Sorry, Instagram's too, right?

You wanna plug those? Yeah, Instagram, Twitter, all that shit. YouTube, it's gonna be called Instagrams to write you want to plug those. Yeah, it's like a sincom. They're all that shit YouTube It's gonna probably be up on YouTube. It's called thin lips. I think in lips. Yeah, you got I guess they're kind of thin Well, I did a somebody it's a part of a joke That's all right, man Yeah, check out thin lips if that's what it's called. That's what it's called. Yeah watchips, if that's what it's called. If that's what it's called, yeah. And watch it on YouTube if that's where it is. We're months, I have to tell you, we're months before it comes out. We're taking the summer off, folks, alright?

This guy's sister is dead, and the guy's friend is in rehab, so. We love you, thanks for listening, and we'll talk to you next week. Bye bye. Thanks for listening and we'll talk to you next week. Bye. Bye