Stavvy's World - #92 - Tom Thakkar

Episode Date: September 2, 2024

Tom Thakkar joins the pod to discuss what life would be like if he didn't leave NYC, growing up half-Indian in Indiana, being estranged from his dad, cheating parent hijinks, and much more. Tom and Stav help callers including a guy whose yoga instructor buddy was fired for SA, and a guy whose buddy started dating his girlfriend after snitching on him for cheating. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code STAVVY to score $250 IN BONUS BETS INSTANTLY when you bet just $5 AND get one month of NFL+ Premium. For more info, visit https://www.draftkings.com/ Visit Legacy and use promo code STAVVY for 10% off: https://www.givelegacy.com/ Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. See Tom Thakkar live and follow him on social media: https://www.tomthakkar.com/ https://youtube.com/@tomthakkarcomedy http://instagram.com/tomthakkar http://www.twitter.com/tomathakkar http://facebook.com/tomallenbrady Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

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Before the first bell rings, visit your neighborhood New Balance store and have your child properly fit. New Balance Toronto, your back to school fit specialist for over 24 years. Welcome everybody to Stav's World. 904-8-8-904, you got the thing blocked Elvis. 904-800 Stav, I forget every time. You can't have the the restore pages chrome didn't shut down correctly. You're blocking the number man You've sabotaged this from the beginning Should I know the number of the show I've been doing for two years?

You know the numbers And four of the numbers are my name and the other three of the other ones are 800 And I only really need to know three and I knew two of the numbers are my name and the other three of the other ones are 800 and I only really need to know three and I knew two of the three should I know that is this not your fault are you getting competent at your job and now my incompetencies are starting to glaringly show no it is your fault. Those were rhetorical questions that everyone filled in with no at home. No. No, he sucks.

Get the fucking restore pages out of there. Get the Chrome button that we can't even see. You should start an episode complaining about something we have no idea about. That's not even that important, honestly, in any grand scheme of things. Die Albanian slave. Die Albanian serf.

No, no. Is anybody calling off of you saying the phone number too? No. They probably read it, I bet. Nobody's remembering. I literally just started doing it, and it felt kind of good to do. It feels almost like a real show when you do it.

Yeah, yeah. It's fun that you get callers It is cool time. We I mean we do we've been doing live ones and those are really fun, but That's not what this show is This show is voicemails keep bringing them in And we got our buddy Tom Takara on the couch Buddy, thanks for coming dude. Thanks for having me. I'm glad we finally worked. I know every fucking time I've tried to do this you've been like I'm going to Greece for six months

Yeah, yeah, that was one time I was there for for 12 days And you're in LA now, it's not my fault yes not my fault It's not your fault Not my fault. Did you absconded to sunny Los Angeles? You did bro. You could have been on this you could have been on this podcast three times I know I would have changed my life I would yeah in the fucking gutter right you shouldn't have followed the love of your life to Los Angeles Where you can?

That's why I yell in my darkest moments Followed the love of your life to Los Angeles Most of them maybe wouldn't have been the patreon They would have put me at least two times on the free one by now. I'd definitely be on the main feed once a year if I was. You fucking slut! You ruined my life! My YouTube special has 75,000 views by now. We'd be rolling in over $400 of AdSense money. God damn it! My life is a prison!

You go walk outside at 74 degrees. You have a yard. She's like, I'm sorry, Tom, I'm sorry. She's calming you down, driving you in your new car that she paid for. I guess I'll go golf all day. I'm sorry Tom, I'm sorry she's calming you down driving you in your new car that she paid for Yeah, dude so anytime you want to change what you're doing and come over here maybe get four roommates and then Moving to Bushwick as a 36 year old divorce man Tommy Pope's Yeah, we got our boy Tom's the car man a favorite truly and you know, that's not empty

You really would have been on at least three times if you lived here man, and that's high praise breaking my heart imagining those three That's all right, man Just trying to you know Tom very funny a fair favorite of ours, and we finally got Tommy on Yeah, dude. This is great. What a spot Astoria. I'm sweating my whole I know I know we barely That's the only problem with the studio is that we have one big-ass air conditioner at the complete other end The apartment and it gets hot as shit. It's like night. I mean I miss that man I miss just like living like absolute shit. Yeah I do love that about New York.

Oh, I love it. I really do. That is the place to be if shit's going good for you because it does keep you humble. Yeah, yeah. Like I've been in Baltimore and you know, I got a place in Baltimore that's very attainable and the comfort is insane.

I have like central air, there's a backyard. Why would you do anything? And then I come here to New York I'm like, ah New York my favorite town Smells like fucking shit the AC the windows are all closed Elders left fucking hard-boiled eggs Hard-boiled egg trash in my sink. He's bitch has been smelling like eggs for fucking three days and in 97 degree No window open. No this is good egg this is good egg weather. It's not stagnant egg weather in here with no airflow. I'm like yeah I'm like this is good this is keeping me low. Well just the

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Dude, it's so true. Last night I got in and I was like, I'm back, bitch. We're doing it. My favorite city on the planet. And I had all my luggage and it just dumped on my head fucked up my laptop I was like I lived almost my entire eight years here without buying an umbrella Come back to that. Yeah Well, I was like I

Spent six bucks on your umbrella guy now. I bought an umbrella, I was like, oh, finally leveled up, dude. I spent six bucks on an umbrella. You're an umbrella guy now. I know, I love that math when you're broke and you're like, nah. I can't afford a six dollar umbrella. I will have eight PBRs at the Creek in the Cave because they are two bucks. Dude, are you a New York comic if you don't know about the two bucks? Now closed creaking the cave pissed off. Yeah fucking weak. Yeah, I would just be like why am I so mad? I was drunk off of two dollar PBRs Yeah, you're having the worst Mexican food anyone's ever made like recipes the Mexicans would spit on so bad So bad may it rest in peace Good times there

How long how when did you how long's been? It's been like a year and a half fucking wild. I've been here in like almost a year damn, dude It feels nuts you like it dude. Yeah, it's fine. Mr. Holley. I miss it here, dude. I am mr. Hollywood I don't know if you've read the trade Mr.. Holley, I miss it here dude. I am mr.. Hollywood. I don't know if you've read the trade We made a lot of big fucking move I just bought a 2017 Ford Fusion Mr.. Hollywood

Hail damage on it. Yeah Nice dude, we're the best that's interesting to get a hail damage car in California. Good for you, dude. Shipped it all the way from Indiana. Yeah. Oh, nice. You went back home to get a car, dude. It's just like me, dude. That's right.

You're like, my cars have to be irreparably damaged in Indiana. They have to suffer. They have to suffer just like me in Indiana, bitch. Let my stepdad beat it around a little bit before I can drive it. Make my stepdad drink inside of it instead of picking me up at school and then coming four hours late. Dude, this is, I don't know if I told you this, my stepdad did, because my mom made him try to teach me how to drive and he only took me out a couple times and he was drinking

while I was driving. And I would be like driving, I was scared, you know, I'm like 15. Like try to teach me how to drive and he only took me out a couple times and he was drinking And I would be like driving. I was scared, you know, I'm like Never driven I'm going like ten under and he goes you got to speed it up. You gotta go five over you look suspicious That's your learner's Lesson me how to drink and drive that's pretty cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's cool, man That's cool. Cuz like it feels like you drink a lot now. Yeah, for sure. I wonder where that came from.

Yeah, who knows, man? What sort of background would make a guy drink every day? Drink gin like it's water. What kind of shit does that? Yeah, I mean, it is funny. Your life is hysterical. I mean, it is crazy to just meet you and it's like this is a good and you know You're a good comic you're like your jokes are smart

And I'm like and you're pretty you were never like you would get fucked up, but we met when we were young So you don't you don't really? Calculate everyone we were all getting incredibly fucked up. Yeah, you can still be like a guy I'm like that's an upstanding citizen. Yeah, you could still be like a guy. I'm like, that's an upstanding citizen Yeah, and like would be drinking. Could be drinking constant. I almost bought beers to bring here. You should have that would've been awesome I couldn't do it cuz I got too drunk last night. I got shows But if you weren't booked Last time Jordan I was in town I did one of my Jordan Jensen

podcast appearances. I got one. I probably do five by now. Yeah. Five fucking years. If you're a bitch woman, you go to L.A. Probably not even what happened. That's what happened. Oh, OK. It wasn't some big opportunity.

I'll tell you that. There's a big opportunity to live on the far east side of LA. You'll see the beach less than when you lived in New York. I know, it's so fucked up. You talk to your friends who are in LA, and you visit them and it's like, it's two hours from the airport somehow in traffic, and further from the beach. Yep, it's so far. You might as well live not in the state. You live in a city near LA.

It's like going to Baltimore and doing comedy in DC. But it's not living in LA. It's brutal. But anyway man, we'll sneak in other grievances from your real life throughout the podcast. We'll do one every 12 minutes. Jordan last time was like, you, she was like, so often I would see you and you'd be like, not making any sense, you were that drunk. Yeah. And then go on stage and be normal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's cause it's like a machine that happens when you go on stage. Totally. Except when it doesn't click and you're just hammered up there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saying a bunch of weird shit. That's how you remember it. Saying a bunch of weird shit. That's how you and Jordan also,

a fucking idiot remembers it. It's like, oh, Jordan, of course, the arbiter for normal behavior. Just in a weird sexless marriage with Ian. And like, I don't even know what the fuck she's going on with her personal anyway. But no, the point is though, you whatever, you were drinking, but everybody was drinking. But I was like, this guy probably is like, you know a guy from the site. You're from shit the Chicago scene So that knowing much about you. I'm like this price some fucking guy from Chicago suburbs. Everyone in Chicago gets fucking drunk Who cares?

And then like we became better friends and I'm like, oh my god, he lived a nightmare His whole Tom's whole origin story is like This man should be fucking like, you know definitely dead or like a serial killer Yeah, like waiting waiting at a Jiffy lube in a fucking like jump in like a jumper You got from the store to steal someone's car the pose is like, oh, yeah, come on in We'll change your oil and then you fucking hit him over the fucking head and like Take the Corolla as long as it'll go before the car you know I definitely had dreams of that life sometimes

That was almost it. Yeah It was close. But yeah a lot of fucked up shit Cause you're from Indiana which just that also sucks Right off the bat Starting on negative third base Very tough to have a good life when you're from indiana strikes in yeah, no no disrespect to the Hoosiers, but like hey I love it there. I was just there great. What is the best Kate like who has a good life from indiana? Who you know who are the rich people for users?

Pat McAfee's He's the fucking dream that guy in the bar stool guys who live there from there doing pretty yeah a saddled Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, an intern at the satellite. At Barstool Indianapolis. The guy like filming their like potpourri like golf shit. Yeah, but it's like literally that, those guys and then like I don't know, a farmer, like rich farmers I guess. Yeah, there's some farmers, there's some business, I mean you could be a doctor out there. Sorry, I'm being such a fucking, I'm like what the fuck is Indiana, I'm from Baltimore. I mean the doctors out there They just they prescribe like corn and Your sugar levels are a little low

If you're not pre-diabetic they fucking yeah, you have zero diabetes we're really worried about you Your food is drinking two liters of Pepsi every day? You're prescribed two liters? I did have Coca-Cola in my bottle. Yeah, dude. And even now, I'll go back over there. There's a new baby in the family and my mom will be like, well, every once in a while you give them a little cola. What are we doing?

They got it. They're going to want it. They see you drink it all the time. My mom literally said to me this last time, there was a bottle of water that was sitting on the table and I was like, oh is that mine? And she goes it's definitely yours. None of us fucking drink water You not know that's my Bernie Sanders t-shirt I Gotta wear that to a funeral That's so fucking funny dude, yeah from Indiana also another hilarious thing that is forgotten when we met like your name was Tom Brady

Which is so funny fucking brutal name was Tom and this is like the height Yes of Tom Brady being the most famous athlete in the world height yes of Tom Brady being the most famous athlete in the world winning six Super Bowls and you must have been like alright I'll wait it out it's a fucking athlete. I thought it was gonna end in some way. Give him a couple years. He comes to the league and it kind of wasn't that big of a fucking deal at first. At first it must have been kind of fun. Oh it was fun. A sixth round pick has my name isn't that cute. It was like a fun thing at school. I got a little attention for people I was like hell yeah, maybe this will get my dick But then it just so quickly got annoying yeah I still I got a text yesterday from somebody being like what if you did a joke about The you try to go by your middle name, but that was Wayne Brady, and I was like that fucking sucks Also, I'm not gonna tell them my name is Tom Brady now. It's been

I'd have to go back explain that you understand my name was Tom Brady Fucking way to be waiting it out. be like, alright this athlete can't be successful much longer. He certainly won't be the greatest athlete possibly of all time. The most winning football player of all time. Yeah that's fucking hilarious. And then you were just like, I'm fucking Tom Takkar now. Yeah baby, took my father's last name.

That's another hilarious thing because your dad's a dead piece of shit. He's dead though. He's dead though. Once he died, he can't be proud or anything oh interesting I was like you can't bring any reason I did it I was like he's dead no one's gonna care But I was like it would have been my last name if I didn't have a piece of shit dad right right So I was like living in an old old universe. I should have not done to car though. It sucks universe I should have not done Tikar though it sucks. I fucking regret it all the time man. I'm gonna kill myself dude. You've had two names you've hated. I had the whole fucking book of names that I could have picked from and I picked one with a fucking weird H. I just learned it wasn't Tikar. Literally you know it's like it doesn't feel right that's so cool what

how old were you how old were you when you were like time to change what I changed it cuz I was opening for Virbiglia and he all week he was like you better you need to change your fucking name he also told me later he was like I begged them not to have you on on my weekend because he didn't know me or anything and he wanted to bring somebody. And he stole my headlining weekend at the Comedy Attic and so they were like, can you please let this guy open? He's supposed to be here, whatever.

And he's like, I really don't want that. And then he liked me, it was nice, but he all weekend was like, you gotta change your fucking name, man. That's so stupid that you would keep this. And he was like, you might be on TV soon and then it's like too late maybe. And so I spent like the whole next week thinking about it And then you should be like I'm Tom Burbiglia

Fucking name is Mike Burbiglia It is funny it's like being named Michael Jordan in 96. Yeah like that really yeah it fully is. I wonder because that is a common name to Tom Brady is too. My mom's ex-husband's name was Tom Brady and that's part of why that was my name but uh yeah. Wait, wait. Oh really ex-husband? Yeah. That's I guess yeah, his last name is Brady and is that the dad stepdad that drove you around no No, I never met that guy. He was a Father's name who didn't raise you Previous name was a deadbeat stepfather that left when you were two years old? I never remember. He was not in my life to be fair. That guy.

But you have his name! Both your names are honoring two fathers that wanted nothing to do with you. You know what? You put it that way. My life is bullshit, man. My whole legacy is shambles. I thought it was at least the stepfather you hated but was in your life. No, they made it very clear that I was not allowed to have their last name. Because you were having the ending. Holy fuck, dude.

Dude, my brother told me the other day, he goes, the first time I heard the N-word was my stepdad's mom calling me Racist and so many people like dude you're white and I'm like tell that to my fucking family It's also gonna be that stupid and racist really I can't come up with another one not even throw a little little modified But it took him a while I bet you took a few years were like, you know, this doesn't quite work Let's see what we can do to make you feel okay Damn

Yeah, they hit the old beach with It went snorkeling they went snorkeling with the n-word came up with some nice is a great point though It was just two men that had nothing to do with my fucking life. Yeah, and they were my whole name Yeah, you gotta just change you need a third name change. Yeah, I got something scratched, dude. What do we got? If you can pick anything. Maybe I'll just, I might take my wife's last name. That would be, that actually. I shouldn't say that on here.

Yeah, yeah, don't say what it is. But you should. I should though, I should though. Because like, I think about it sometimes how stupid names, like, why does it have to be the guy's name? It should be like, who's better? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Every couple should have like, the guy's name? It should be like, who's better? You know what I mean? Every couple should have like, the first 10 years,

or whatever, at some period, a couple years, there should be a competition, and like who do we think deserves, whose name deserves to continue. Right? It could be like a family thing. It could be both families, decathlon of some kind. That's a good idea.

Before every wedding, family should compete to see who gets is a really good idea Yeah, who gets the name yeah for sure your wife It would really just be me out there Dan stuff Fuck was I supposed to say? It was related to, it doesn't matter. No, that's a good, I already said if we have kids,

they get her last name, because I'm like, it would make zero fucking sense. That would be crazy. They'd be like, no, it's gotta be this name that means nothing to me. Yeah, yeah, nothing positive anyway. No, no, no, no. No.

That's crap, we'll move on, but that is insane that every day you just kind of have a name for a guy you don't fuck with that much. It is true. You know what was fucking crazy? Real fast. When I did Conan, because I was like, I pretty much recently changed it. Yeah. I did Conan, and I was like, man, I hope they don't, you know, fuck up the name, whatever.

And at the beginning of the show, I'm sitting in the green room and you see the beginning of the show and he goes tonight on the show we have comedian to car Because I didn't think about oh they can rerecord it or whatever But just to have to I was like I have to become comedian to car I'm my meeting cars my comedian to car would be fucking Yeah, it's funny cuz it's like you don't you don't think about I mean, you know, Indiana I'd never thought I didn't think they were very especially that you know the part of it so accepting but in general You don't really get there's a whole way shin thing with white and Asian you don't really get many Windians no no no

it doesn't happen I've been meeting more lately yeah they'll come out of the woodwork but the famous thing like that I had a bit about it but like people would tell me like oh that doesn't happen a lot because Indian men are ashamed to have mixed race children. Just an awesome thing to tell someone of their own. That's fucking cool. Oh, no, it's like, oh, I'm sure you're sad about it, but like we actually think it's bad to like intermingle with other races. Existence is actually an abomination that we value.

So but have a good night. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's true because I feel like Asians are out here. Oh, you know what they're doing. They're trying to get in. They're trying to get in. You know what I'm saying?

They're trying to get in from within. Well, they get it. No, but Indians are like, nah, man. Well they get it. No. They know what's up. But Indians are like, nah man, we're not, we're just a competition. We're really, we're already superior. I will say like Indian people who come to shows are always so fucking, they want you to be Indian though. Yeah. Cause they're never like, they're like, oh you're not Indian enough.

They're like, I will take you to India tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's go to the land. Totally, totally. Let's go to the motherland. I get that. I mean, Greek people show up to shows now. They've started showing up.

Oh, nice. And like, I had a bit. There's a venue complaint about the smell already. Yeah, yeah. They're like, someone's selling unlicensed street meat outside. They're like, we've been shut down by the health department. It's really good, but I'm worried.

It's delicious, but yeah, we're really scared. Someone's brought their own underage employees outside. There's tzatziki all over the fucking chairs, man. Interesting thing to go with smell, given your heritage, Mr. Thakkar. I'm not going to remark one way or another. All I said was it was interesting. You can't get me on it folks. I didn't say why it was interesting. You have to figure that out yourselves. You don't like the jamming together of 50 different spices and sweat? You know what I've been wondering about recently, Elders? The quality of my nut.

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how Greek people are basically Arab, right? But that's the only bit that's any kind of Greek, but my name is so Greek that they just see the name and they're like, you know, and so, but they really want stuff about being Greek. They really want like... I struggle with that too, because I'll have some people come out just because of the name, they'll be like, oh, yeah We call the club and we saw your name and we like we came and I don't talk about Indian shit Oh, I don't know any Indian. I don't know any Indian family of mine. Nobody fucking you right? It was like your dad was gone basically Family nobody ever like reached out or anything I only found out a bunch of shit after he died

Then then I've met some people at shows who were like to car cars actually a pretty it's not like it's pretty unique last name for how you know how big India is and they were like we know we could take you to where that family is whoa they know that village or whatever I was like that's that much of an interest but that's crazy yeah I know I might go at some it's kind of interesting even if you know cuz like yeah I don't know there is just something just out of curiosity yeah you know what I mean yeah I kind of interesting even if you because like yeah, I don't know there is just something just out of curiosity Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, I kind of do want to go I want to see if they look like me that'd be fun. Yeah, that would be funny

Looking yeah endless pieces And and literally your dad just was gone Yeah, well he I'm sure you've told the story a bunch of times No, not that I don't go that deep into it, but I don't know a lot of the story Some of it's just my mom my mom claims at one point. He may have tried to kidnap me I think she just told me that to make me feel better He cared for he tried to steal you Care loving you so much. He was gonna commit gonna commit a crime to never calling and asking a question.

Dodging child support for decades. The story she told me, she was at the fair and an Indian couple was looking at me weird. She was like, I think that was relatives of him. He sent a couple Mumbaiby operatives over. To snatch you up. Put you in a fucking. Moonby operative, I love that. Moonby operative.

That's great. That's pretty good, right? That might be the next special name. The Moonby operatives. Lean in, dude. That couple. What if you start just going, you're like, fuck it, I'm going full.

You're doing a voice. I think if it doesn't pop off in the next five years, if nothing happens, you're gonna fuck it. I'm going. Yeah, I think you're doing a voice off in the next like five years If nothing happens, I'm you're gonna see me doing the voice So it's like for all intents and purposes you have zero connection No, any like when you know the people I've met like that aren't family just like regular. I mean regular just regular in Good fine Indian people and you're the only one from your mom and your dad cuz you grew up. Yes Well, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm the only one from that. I mean they weren't even like they were married They were dating and then I got she had me so what the folks guy doing in, Indiana. Here's the doctor

They were dating and then I got she had me so what the fuck was this guy doing in Indiana? He was a doctor Lost his license went to jail Had some inappropriate relationships with some patients Yeah, man Just put it that way. Let's just say. Let's just say. Alright, alright, alright. Everybody relax. Everybody calm down, everybody relax. We're just pointing some stuff out. We don't say, we believe them.

We're just saying. They were allegations. Damn, they were innocent people go to jail all the time, man. He's Andy Dufresne, baby. A disgraced, horny Indian doctor is your father dude. Oh man that's fucking wild. Yep. And then you just fuck, and then, and then, but you have siblings though right?

Yeah I got a bunch of, everybody's halves. They're all halves. They're all like for my mom and then Yeah, but I but it was like because there's like three different dads amongst all of us We kind of all it was it's the same as if we were regular siblings yeah, we grew we all grew up together and Yeah, but it's it is weird cuz like I Stepdad who I lived with fucking hated all of us

None of them were his kids. He had two as well I remember man, and I feel bad because I laughed my ass off that he was so fucking mean to my brother. Yeah We're at dinner. We were having dinner. I cooked for everybody cuz he didn't know how to do fucking anything Yeah, and I'm like eight My mom would work at night. Oh, I would be and he didn't have a job Oh, yeah, he would work during the day and he worked at an oil change place. Oh, wow Pretending you might think you should have been doing Wow who knew

Just add an oil change place entry level is like a 40 year old. Yeah, that's the that's a mark of a fucking That's his life man. Yeah, I'm still there still he moved on and now he dry. I think he drives a van Okay, then try to work we have to truck You should be driving the van You cannot drive a truck dude. You cannot drive a fucking truck. He doesn't think you should be driving the van. For what purpose is he driving a van? He drives like auto parts from store to store or something. I actually don't really fucking know.

Whenever he talks it's really hard to listen to him. Yeah, yeah, I get that. Because he thinks you're interested in his shit. He'll be like, oh man, I was listening to the local rock station the other day and they gave me a shout out he calls into this rock I looked at his face with the other day it's just him sharing this radio station shit all the time because he used to be a DJ on the local countries I think he still has dreams of being a part of the Rocks. He's like, the lineup was really good tonight, man.

Love the tunes tonight, dude. Yeah. The DJ reads his comment. I think the DJ like, so he feels like, so then when he talks to him, he doesn't know how to socialize at all. So when he talks to people, he just tells them about the radio. talks to he does not socialize at all so when he talks to people he just tells them about the radio shared post from like classic 103 3 I remember that I remember when this him just commenting on everything I remember when Bon Jovi came out no nothing else. Nothing interesting. No likes. He doesn't get any likes. He is

putting shit out into the void. And what he'll do, I think he gets drunk and like he's done this to me a couple times where I see that I have a message from him and then the next day it's gone. I think he's typing out a bunch of shit and then he just deletes it. You got a screenshot. I'm scared to read it because I don't know what the fuck. I think he's typing out a bunch of shit, and then he just deletes it you got a screenshot I'm scared to read it. I don't know what the fuck I think he gets drunk And then he's like regrets being such a piece of shit all the time, but also he's still a piece of shit Yeah, well, he's not gonna change. No. Why would you at this point? It's too late man. Just cash it in just keep going Just yeah, put all your chips down on my house I'm like am I like oh this must be an old man, but it's also like he probably was 20 when he married your mom 42 he was 21 when he

when I was 2 and I'm 36 now so he's in his 50s I got 50 years old yeah he's not even that old it sucks at all he could turn around but he will not now he's not gonna do that why do it you know I know I mean my parents in their 70s and that's something we're like, alright, this is who they are Yeah, you just kind of accept they're working a little bit nice man to just get there and you're like this is who I am Put up with a bitch. Oh, I'm I feel like we're there brother. Yeah kind of it's like It's like I still have dreams of changing a little bit I still like I think about if I'm like I think if I have a kid I will change a little bit Yeah, still like, I think about if I'm like, I think if I have a kid, I will change a little bit. Yeah.

At the edges. At least I'll come back to the booze at least. Yeah. You could, that actually is, there's one glaring thing you could change buddy. What could it be? Actually one real big change. No, I'll have to look into that. I can't see a thing.

God, I saw that bodega cat out there. I almost chugged it. There's plenty of good stuff. Plenty good stuff. But one time we were so we were having dinner and my stepdad takes a rag to my brother's face and he goes, he goes, I can't get the ugly off. I was like, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard. But also it was so mean.

He was like, he had shit on his face from dinner or whatever. But he goes, I can't get the ugly off. Who says that to their boy? Just roasting his boy? To his boy. Did he look like him or no? No, he had red hair. I think that's why he didn't, he was an asshole to him.

He had red hair. Wow, I mean, we're talking like the mind of an 1800s fucking peasant. A redhead and a half Indian you can't accept. Nope. That's like colonialist beliefs. Put him down. Put him down and let's get a good boy in here. We only have enough resources for one good boy. Yeah dude back then he would have had all the ham hocks.

You guys would have been you guys had broth from the bones that he ate. That would have been that would have been your dinner. Dude, that's fucking insane. Oh, man. Yeah. Because but you're but it's interesting because you did grow up in Bloomington, which I would assume is like that's college town. Yeah, but we I didn't know that Bloomington was like a college town until I was 18 because I mean I guess we lived way away from there

We were in the herbs yeah, not even we lived in the country We lived across from like farmers and shit, but we didn't have we had we had I think two acres or whatever I was a little backyard, but uh but in the middle of fucking nowhere You weren't in Bloomington. No, I mean it was technically I think the town's technically called Stanford, okay But it's like if you drive two minutes you're in Bloomington, but it's like the only way I could ever remember is like Geographically is like it was ten minutes past the Walmart First thing yeah, the first thing you would see after driving ten minutes was the Walmart I know and so you went to school like further from Bloomington. I went I went in Bloomington. Okay, but because there was only two

Schools I was still technically in that school zone. I was right on the edge of going to this hillbilly. Yes I mean then again, I'm like it was a dead bit I remember my step down be like they got dirt floors over there It probably wasn't that bad, but it probably was horrible it was bad though I mean the people from there are pretty rough and the KKK was pretty prevalent yeah that was pretty cool they probably would have been chill with you judging from your family that wasn't in the KKK oh yeah they would have been feasting them all my there's certain whites they didn't like yeah picky They're like we gotta hate somebody out here. There's not enough black people

I know I remember seeing like an old in like history class seeing like anti-catholic KKK propaganda, which is really really reach. Yeah, it's like guys like Italian like Greeks Poles Catholics. It was pretty funny. Yeah, so good Yeah, it must be so cool to fucking hate people have to join the thing I was I tried to do a bit about this at one point But it's like there has to be at least a couple dudes in there that just like don't they're not good socially Yeah, so they're like well these guys go fishing together yeah yeah community 100% there has to be like i don't really get down with all

the hate shit but it's part of it i don't love them but i think fucking up their houses a little but i don't only like do a little bit of that shit just to fit in i'm way more about the barbecues bit of that shit just to fit in. I'm way more about the barbecues. Yeah, I run the grill and they let me do it and I really enjoy that. It's hard to make new friends in your 30s, man. I used to play softball. I fucking tore my shoulder. Can't throw a ball anymore. This is pretty much it. This is my only option. Yeah, there's got to be a couple couple of guys But it's also like

imagine believing in something so much that you like Actively trying to harm to people. Yeah, I am jealous of belief that oh, yeah And you can't get me to believe in like now God as a concept. Yeah, I sit with it. I'm like, there's no way Yeah, there's no churches right and fucking tough to wrap your mind around there. Just like I am certain of everything I've ever believed So sir, there's not a no doubt. I'm so sure I'm gonna hurt innocent black children. I think that would be a good thing Yeah, I think that's right. Yeah, I think that's so right our Lord will be proud Right. Yeah, I think that's so right. Our Lord will be proud of me

Causing harm to black children. When I sit at night with my thoughts The things I am ashamed of are like not doing my laundry fast enough Getting short with my son. It's not firebombing a school Fuck dude yeah in the hilarious Hilarious little fucking with the kids hillbillies though in your school or no there was a mix there was there was some hillbillies There were some people that because we went it was a pretty big high school Like 2,000 kids or something like that so there was a mix there was some like there was a race war Because there was like a section of fucking real hillbillies. Yeah, there was a mix there was some like there was a race war because there was like a section of fucking real hillbillies yeah there was a big problem

where these kids were wearing Confederate flag belts and shirts to school which is so funny Indiana is the fucking north it's the fucking north and they would wear this shit and it was a big fucking problem in the town. Yeah. And this kid, Carl, I won't say his last name just in case, but this kid, Carl, I'll never forget they quoted him in the newspaper being like, it's our heritage, not hate. It's like, it's not your heritage. You're from Indiana. Your whole family is from fucking Indiana, dude.

So funny. But they had like, it was a big fucking fight in the in the lake yard of our school Wow, but then most kids like I'll see people now when I go back that I'm like, oh, they're still pretty normal Like they don't yeah, but it's weird cuz some people just have accents like my brother has an accent now We grew up in the same house I'll come back and he'll be like golly. I'm like what the fuck is that? Where did you get that man? That's crazy Because they're definitely all just choosing that yeah

So we're to wake up one day and be like well hell No, he doesn't really have like a real accident Yeah, just like a dumb. It's really hard He really is like I he's like Homer Simpson a little bit without friends like a bar to go to yeah Drive way he just drinks in his basement and listens to music Just know that literally no friends no was there like a boy around he had a friend and he tried to fuck the friends wife Then the friend tried to fuck my mom Was like get the fuck out of our house

He pulled some like let's get back in bread Look he's hurt both of us The only way to solve this is by you giving me pussy That'll show your husband Tried to have an affair drunk drunk off some slits. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna win coolers I did you get the wine coolers going, you get some fucking, some rat playing, dude,

you're ready to go. God damn, that's fucking hilarious, dude. What was, so then, your little you weren't taking part in the race war? No, I had the lots on it, but you were a fat child, weren't you? Yeah, yeah, I'm getting back up there, man. I gotta fucking get it. I knew this is why I walk today. I was like man. I've gained like 30 pounds in LA really

I just from not walking just not walking and drinking not the drinking as much, but then driving everywhere you just fucking Sorry man, there's something wrong with the lens Dude, don't be making weird eyes in the fucking camera. Sorry man, there's something wrong with the lens. There's some shim eyes in the fucking office. Don't Dwight me dude. You're Dwighting yourself brother. Dude, I'm merely a vessel for the Lord. But no I was a fat little boy. I was. I loved my mom would let us eat fast food all the time because she worked so much. So we would go to Wendy's and get that five for five they used to have and I would do

all junior bacon cheeseburgers. Five junior bacon cheese? No fries? No, fuck fries. I might get nuggets instead of... To break it up. Yeah, to break it up. I love those nuggets, but I was a lot of time doing five JBCs, man. And it ruled. It was so sick. And I thought that was like part of getting older, was you just ate more sandwiches But yeah, I was eating five JBT dude and it was great. Yeah, I mean that yeah, it was so sick I think the back is sometimes on the road. I'll go to a Wendy's. I'm like man. I can't imagine Eating that and being done with it and feeling like hell. Yeah, I'm gonna still have a day

The beauty of youth that's what we like used our youthful bodies. Yeah surviving our meals not like Not like what literally we have so much like energy because you're supposed to have like a children. Yeah Race a child and be up for it and like protect your family. And you're like, yeah, but no, yeah, no. Seventeen to fucking twenty five. We use it because I was right there with you. I remember joining the football team because yeah, we had a soccer team

and then our coach gave pornography to a child and they disbanded it. So then we joined the football team. Why did the coach give it to a child? He was trying to fuck the games. He was just be nice One he wanted the kid to think he was cool even kind is so cool that he did that it is cool But he picked the right pick the narc To me I've been like hell yeah, but another side note He had actually was caught stealing from our church. He used to go to and

It's crazy. You know he saw me like I wasn't there the first day and then he saw me like but I was like Don't worry, man. Just make sure I start brother Just make sure I get plenty. I literally didn't tell anyone. Yeah, I was I'm not a snitch folks. Yeah, okay Yeah, not until 20 years later Now we gotta do now we got content to make. But anyway, anyway, I fucking, so we start playing football and I was actually kind of good at football. And then I was like, well, I'm on the football team now. I have to get fat as shit. And I got a telemarketing job. It was a cross street from a Wendy's.

I pulled the same move you did in middle school where I was like I didn't do five which respect to you five Was the move man is crazy, but I would do like a meal Yeah, and of course the junior bacon cheese you get them like side. Yeah, I mean they were like eight ninety cents Crazy yeah, I was even like mixing up getting baked potatoes sometimes That's what I felt like I was like I gotta be healthy today. I'm gonna have a baked potato with my three Sandwiches from Wendy's that's I used to do that I thought was the healthiest fucking thing anybody could eat and when I was trying to I would go on these crash diets every Once I would do fat diets

South Beach diet! I fucking did Adkins! I did Adkins and I was like man I feel like shit and I was like I don't know why I've eaten all this bacon and cheese Mom more bacon I'm on a diet just having just fat come out of your ass

like you know when like bacon grease cools that's what you're shitting and what you're doing Atkins. Oh, it's brutal Yeah, but you do yeah I would when I was really trying to crash the head I would all I would do I'd heat up like three baked potatoes and just Fucking slather them fuckers and butter. Oh, yeah sour cream butter Very nutrient-dense food potatoes very good good for you what was the other I used

to work at a Kroger the grocery store in Indiana it was next to a Taco Bell and I would buy two big bags of chili cheese Fritos and a thing of sour cream and then I would drive over to Taco Bell and get seven crunchy tacos And oh and I would get a big thing of fucking red pop and that would be my fucking Friday night Level fat It was set up. You set up to accentuate the strengths of Taco Bell Your own grocery store sour cream and chips. That's incredible. It was great, man.

God damn it, I wanna get so fucking fat again. I know, it's pretty cool. It's so cool. It's cool being incredibly fat and having to be like, Jesus Christ, just let's not get fatter than this. That's really hard. I heard you say, you said you're like 320, is that right? Since then I've lost, I'm like 307.

I was gonna say, you don't look a pound over 306. Thanks man! Thank you man, that means a lot. Yeah, no, it's fucking wild getting this fat. Sorry, I made eyes with the camera. Oh yeah, yeah, you fucking... Hey, whatever man, I'm sorry I made eyes with the camera. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you fucking... Hey, whatever, man. I'm alright. I'm doing okay. I have no wife to lose

with my behavior. I'm destroying myself solo. Not jeopardizing the lives of others. Fuck. God damn. Ah, that's a nice sound. That's the sound of my good pal, Eldis, cracking open a refreshing twisted tea. Folks, twisted tea, how is that, Eldis? This is awesome.

Delicious. I honestly love twisted tea so much. It's incredible. And it's about to be football season, folks. It's about to be drink some smooth, delicious beverage all day while watching your favorite team. No bubbles, no carbonation to stop you. Those bad boys go down smooth.

They taste like real iced tea because they're brewed with real iced tea. It's a refreshing drink. 5% alcohol by volume. A beautiful little beverage for a beautiful time of the year. It's getting crispy out there. There's nothing better than cracking open one of these beautiful Twisted Teas. We got the original flavor, we got, look at this, the Game Day pack, half-and-half, raspberry, peach, the original flavor of course. So you know, don't be a dunce, don't be a dumbass. Be like my friend, Eldis, here. Sip a delicious twisted tea. Be like us. Be like us here at the Stobbies World podcast and enjoy a twisted tea

this football season, this end of summer, whatever you're doing. Suck down a delicious twisted tea, whether you're outdoors, whether you're inside whatever the occasion go grab one today wherever the heck They're sold. They're sold everywhere by the way you can grab one right now go outside first store you see pop in there I mean, it's got a self Delicious beverages, but you don't go to a fucking doll You know don't go to a Dollar Tree and of course before the fuck is my twisted tea but you know what I'm saying go get you a twisted tea they're beautiful and have a beautiful time and think of us while you're sipping on them

grab a refreshing twisted tea today and keep it twisted We could go all fucking night, but I do feel like we have to get some fucking questions here Oh, there's so much more trash baby so much more trash in your life We have to get to it in your subsequent appearances once you move back Maybe up to four or five. What do we got, Eldis? What up, stop. What up, Eldis, what up, guest.

I got an interesting position I'm in and I need some advice Okay, so I befriended this guy about seven years ago in a Yoga teacher training course already and it was really fun. It was like six months long every weekend A bunch of us got to know each other Super fun. I hooked up with one of the girls Super cool. Yeah, and know each other super fun I hooked up with one of the girls that's super cool yeah and now I got one of them that is cool he's actually from India oh be so fucking careful dog be so fucking careful go back Tom's got his fucking antenna up let Let's see what we got here.

He's older. He was actually from India. And you know, practiced yoga there. There's just a cool guy. Anyway, so we keep all teaching throughout the last couple years. And like I said, it's been like seven years. Seven years.

So I know the guy really well. He stayed at my house even. Like, he's super fun would get drunk watch weird old Indian music videos anyway it came out like a couple weeks ago that he was trying to like molest a couple of the Will send you back to India where they're not so hard on doctors They know a man has to blow off some steam after a hard day of diagnosing All right, so we got a molesting yoga Indian teacher. I'll just great producing man. Did the way by the way, I love that there's more to this question. This is crazy. I love that this guy even has a question.

What is the fucking question? Do I keep hanging out with this guy? He says, dude, he has some hilarious Indian YouTube videos and we get drunk and we fuck chicks. Minor consensual, I don't ask about him. Dude, you should see his fucking shit, dude. See how limber that motherfucker is. Alright, let's finish this up here.

Oh, God. He was trying to like molest a couple of the students. Well, not trying. Yeah, he did. It did get bad, but apparently he asked some girl to stay after, and then like got her in the studio, and she was like younger, obviously, like you know, her twenties or something. And he put her hands on her, started rubbing her chest, and then kissed her.

And this is this girl's first yoga class. Oh, no, I just think that's what yoga is now. Hopefully she doesn't have parents from Indiana. She tells her Indiana parents, she's going to a yoga class, they're like, you better watch out! It's gonna be an Indian trying to touch your tits and give you kisses. That's what you want. What they're doing over there.

I saw it. This is this is literally what your step family thinks of Indians. They all do yoga and molest white women. That's what they were right. My step family was right. All right. All right. Let's finish this guy is. They were right. My step-family was right. Alright, alright. Let's finish this up. You know, and it totally creeped out on her. So she reports it, obviously. You know, she runs out of the fricking building.

Yup. And he cats her with his really long doll sim and I know, I know. It is really funny when we come back in and he's got like a little mirth in his voice You can tell he's smiling You're like what the fuck is this He's not horrified that his friend molested a girl

She obviously ran out of there It's pretty funny He's talking about like you know She sat on a whoopee cushion, and she ran away. She's embarrassed Like he's saying with that kind of fucking fucked up all right. She was assaulted, but anyway. Let's finish all this So you know he's fired and you know other girls are kind of like hey. Yeah, he was pretty creepy towards me So here's the situation How do I do I call this guy again?

Here's the situation How do I do I call this guy again? No, I don't do him again It's really weird because like I said, you know, he didn't try to bless me My day Diversity in my life this is like This Indian guy did what your races? Family and this guy is like every woman listen is like that is what men are every man is like Come on he's really good Yoga he's cool to me. He like I don't have a lot of guys I can play pool with

Call him he's not even like the guys been blowing me up. How do I get him out of my way? How do I deal with this guy wanting to stay friends with me? I get him back He's really freaked out While with me anymore, how do I get him back in public? Feel it the vices not texting back as quite really worried. He's gonna run back to India God damn dude is there more to this Here because like I said, you know, he didn't try to let me I didn't Buy from him. He was always just really cool. What do you know? I mean, there's a thick accent. Maybe that was like, you know. The accent.

Yeah, that's it. Oh, that was... Yeah, yeah. You know, like I said, he stayed at my house while he would teach. You know, he was from out of town and he would drive in to teach for, you know, the teacher training and stuff. So, you know, got to know him really well. Really liked the guy who would talk philosophy, would talk yoga.

Philosophy. Don't know how to handle it as a gentleman. You know, I mean like I said, do I start his business guy? Do I never talk to him again? Do I reach out to him? And if so, I mean I want to confront him about it, but reach out I don't be like so tell me your side So well, you see I saw a girl I wanted to fuck and I was hoping due to being her teacher, maybe I could just kind of, she'd be too dear in the headlights to do anything, maybe she would freeze up and I could maybe make her jack me off. That's my side of the story. That's my side.

It's a good side. It's a good side. A very fair side. You understand. You get it. Yeah man, I mean this is fucking insane of you to even be saying this. The fact that he hasn't reached out, it's like if he were to reach out to you, you'd be like, hey man, that was really...

You're a fucking sex criminal. I don't want you in my life. That's how I'd handle it, man. I don't know what to tell you. I mean, this is crazy. I mean, I think he should start comedy Yeah Jordan Peterson talk about how he's trying out there trying to cancel him out of the yoga community For what getting a little push? charming This is a lot of restraint I can do it. I can do it.

I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I can do it. I am showing an immense amount of restraint. You started to dip a couple times. Do it.

Let's think about when we release this eldest. Maybe we move this up in the summer when I don't have anything going on. We have the movie coming out later. We have the tour, you know. Anyway, maybe bleep a couple things. Bleep a lot of stuff. Bleep a lot of stuff.

It'll sound so much worse. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, yeah. So anyway, insane to be thinking about how to get this guy in your life. This guy's a fucking psycho, man. Think of it as being the only silver lining here is that you don't have to be friends with a sex criminal anymore. No, he wants it. That's the silver lining here is that you don't have to be friends with a sex criminal anymore. No, he wants to be friends with a sex criminal. That's the silver lining here. Who's he going to talk about yoga with now?

It's tough, man. Yeah, you're right. Seven years. They stayed at his house. They watched Indian music videos together. I'm sure those are some really good philosophical discussions. Oh, yeah. Just hammered.

But does no really mean no? That was his main one that he kept coming back to. Sometimes they say that with their eyes and their poses. Even more their chakras. Their aura is... Their pussy stone is glowing. Um yeah man, this is crazy. Next pussy stone is glowing. Um, yeah, man, this is crazy. Next question. Elders.

That was great. If this is about another Indian rapist, I'm gonna fucking walk, dude. Hey, Stov, Elders, yes. Um, my question is kind of a two parter. Firstly I'm trying to not shrink. How would you do that? I get the urge to drink all the time and I guess addiction is the one I thought it would be.

Okay. I thought it would be me not being able to function without drinking alcohol. Right. But it's been more. I don't feel like I'm going to have a good alcohol. Right. But it's been more, I don't feel like I'm gonna have a good time without it. Well, it's very hard to decide to not drink when my mom just went to jail recently. Damn.

I live really far away from her. I relate to this news. This guy's like, I see your childhood, Tom, and I raised you Hey dad in jail His recent yeah You don't want your mom going to jail Really tough if you're like if you reverse it. Yeah. Oh, I'm a dead man

Thank God. I got very lucky that my mom is great because every therapist I've had is like, what the fuck? How did you even make it real? How are you alive? And then they're always like, man, your mom must be really good. But mom in jail is fucking tough. A man who has a really fucked up relationship to his mom is like, that's a tough guy. Like feel like dad dad stuff is pretty common. Yeah

Flares all this shit also dads are often just dumbass Dumb was like have their shit like they're egotistical. They like are the little jealous of their kids sometimes And there's bullheaded they're like, why don't you fucking do it right? Whatever Yeah, moms are they gotta be your like They need that shit from a basic like like truly biological standpoint. Yeah. Yeah So anyway, I wonder what she went to jail for that's tough. I know I wonderful tells probably not I live really far away from her And she tries to call me almost on a daily basis. I

from her and she tries to call me almost on a daily basis I think it's every two or three days and they they're able to call but I'm I'm not able to do it for free anymore I actually have to pay money so when it calls or when she calls it costs money for me to be able to actually talk to her And I'm not gonna pay that money. I've already spent a lot of money trying to Help her out There's a lot more to it, but the gist of it is I Drink too much. I want to quit drinking I'm stressed last sad because my mom's in jail slash I'm trying to save money my mom's in jail slash

I'm trying to save money, but she wants me to bail her out. And then I have to even pay money to be able to bail her out. Thanks, dog. Jesus Christ. What's the good God question here? That was really sad, man. I'm sorry, buddy.

I mean, you got Tom pissed off. So you were just, you fucking pissed me off too. Yeah. you got Tom We were just yucking it up about his sex criminal father didn't love him at all and you've actually depressed us even more than that Okay, so there I think like he's talking about the drinking but very clearly this will happen from time to time where it's like Ostensibly a question is about one thing. Yeah, and he just reveals what the actual issue He is here and that's we can only we only have so much to go off of her But we don't know it But I think it's like what we were wondering about his mom like it doesn't seem like there's a one-time thing, right? clearly he has this like super long history and

Without question the drinking is connected. Yeah to the stress of his mom and his childhood and all this stuff And it's I don't think it's a coincidence that He's finding it very hard not to drink when his mom is in jail Yeah, it's not about you not what thing you're gonna have fun anymore, buddy It's about they get so much deeper than this and we can tell where he's like just again from our guesses from context clues Where it's like I've already spent a lot of money. Yeah, she wants me to bail her out It's like this is clearly a deadbeat right and it's tough We were like we talked about it when the call started, but that'd be moms very tough

They'd be dad is like, you know, there's so much that going around. It's almost like even dads that are around aren't good Having a shitty dad it's like whatever most people deal with that and so Just if we're reading this correctly and you have a mom who So, if we're reading this correctly, and you have a mom who wasn't really there for you, but demands a lot from you, and it's one thing, it's one, look, people have fucked up childhoods, Tom's fucking here, you know what I mean? Like, it happens, you get over it,

but it's even tougher when elements from your childhood, whether it's family, whether it's like friends, whether it's, you know, whatever your child whether it's family whether it's like friends whether it's you know whatever debts what a Health problems shit like that tries to suck you back Yeah, it's like dude your child is over your mom probably fucked up a lot of shit Yeah But you were the kid and this is something that a lot of people have to like work on and I know this because I had guilt issues

Big time where I felt like I needed to help my family out all this But at a certain point you got to just fucking you got to realize you're the kid You didn't fail anyone here. You didn't ask to be born right? Yeah, thank you fucking I'm guessing you didn't come into a very planned situation Right, that's your that's on your mom and whoever knocked her up that you haven't even mentioned. It sounds like It's like oh and by the way my dad rules And I don't know what to do right now cuz my dad's on Safari for the last for the next three months And I don't know what to do until he takes me to Europe for the rest of the summer That doesn't seem like it's in the cards for him, right? He's actually in Africa giving a lot of children clean water right now so so yeah dude I guess my general advice here is you have to be selfish in a way you

have to worry about you yeah drink your own mask on first a hundred a hundred percent and like look I clearly your relationship I don't know enough whatever you should probably talk to a therapist. We've clearly gotten into So you need to talk to the talk these this feeling in this situation out more with an actual professional Yeah, there's Medicaid therapist too. Yeah. Yeah, I was on Medicaid therapy and honestly. I like that a lot Yeah, I like the cheap therapist. I had more than when I got a Expensive one me too. I stopped going. I think it's actually bullshit, but hey you should Tom doesn't have any issues in his life. They kept saying my drinking Yeah, you get these expensive therapists and they waste all the fucking time talking about drinking

and can we talk about the other problems? Like how I could have been on fucking Are You Garbage More? Are You Garbage Patreon? I could have been opening for Kipi and Foley right now! I could at least get a 10 minute feature on We Might Be Drunk? Come on! I could pop in! Good the taste buds might have mentioned, they might have mentioned my youtube special I WANT TO ARGUE ABOUT OREOS WITH SOUTH VOLCANO ARE THEY BETTER THAN NUTTER BUTTERS?

BUT I CAN'T! CAUSE I'M IN FUCKING HIGHLAND PARK YOU BITCH NO ONE GETS TO HEAR MY OPINIONS ON NUTTER BUTTERS IS PIZZA GOOD? I Want to meet Krista Stefano's trans uncle I've never met that guy or girl. I'm not mingle with Jim Norton's trans wife. Why can't I get calamari with Nicky Norton? If that's your name, I'm sorry if I got it wrong. Why won't my expensive therapist let me talk about that? No, I just gotta hang out in my big backyard all fucking day. Let me talk about that All right, just back to our friend here cuz you know, that was a great riff. I am worried about him.

Yeah, dude, you gotta fuckin' parse these family mom feelings, and my hunch is, what Tom said about putting your own mask first, you gotta be in a good place before you can help other people out. And you might even get to a place, this happened with me, where in my 20s, I was just like, I need to be away from my family. I need to get away, I can't be around them day to to day and there was even years where I lived in a different part of

Baltimore who saw them less than I do now Yeah, you know what I mean? I was 20 minutes away, and I was like I want nothing I just couldn't I need to be my own I need to figure my own shit out I did a similar thing yeah, you gotta get take some space for yourself when you need it Yeah, it's tough cuz you're like you're born into the shit and you're already like oh I'm a piece of shit son if I don't do this right that you said you didn't ask for it and It took it takes you a while to realize that shit I had to have a realization like oh wait a lot of this shit was not my fucking fault

But I will say really quick the drinking thing if you really are if that's what you want to focus on There is a book. I know I Joked about my drinking and stuff, but like jokes I did slow down a lot when I read this book called the easy way to stop I think it's called the easy way to quit drinking from Alan Carr and you don't I'm doing a sober year. Oh, I'll be back. I'll be back. Nice no weed. That's the tough one. Yeah I will say it like I the way that a lot of comics are with weed where they can like smoke all the time I try to do that. I can't substitute. I can't booze it. It fucks me up worse. I my hangovers are worse

It's crazy. I can't get out of bed. No, no, it fucks me out. It slows me down way more. Yeah, but it's free online It's by this dude named Alan Carr and just reading a little bit of it. I was like, oh shit I'm I do want to slow down. It made me like Check it. It'll make you check your drink even having the realization that you're like I don't think I'll have fun if I don't do it it's like yeah that's bad I get it I mean that's how I feel right now right right right Tom just told a story about how he read a book that's helped millions of people quit drinking and he cut back on beers a little bit

quit drinking and he cut back on beers a little bit. It made me mostly switch to wine. I read two pages. It was a boring ass book. It makes you want to fucking do this shit. You got to look out for yourself and talk to somebody who you can actually explain the intricacies of the situation. I can't really tell you from where I'm standing, even though my hunch is don't talk to your mom right now. She's got to figure shit out. Talk to somebody who can you can actually discuss the intricacies of this with Medicaid therapist, whatever. But you got to you got to worry about yourself for a while, buddy. And like it might come back around. actually discuss the intricacies of this with Medicaid therapist whatever but you

gotta you gotta worry about yourself for a while buddy and like it might come back around it really did for me it's like I didn't fuck with my family I needed my own space I felt like I figured my shit out I got to come back and now I have a really good relationship with them even you know even people that I had issues with in the past we're figuring that shit out and I think it's possible but you got to be your own guy and it's also possible that if they do guilt you too much Or if you know your mom doesn't want isn't trying to meet you halfway or anything It can be some hard truth of you have to be prepared for

Maybe getting you know Reconciled we have been prepared for setting a boundary and if she refuses if she keeps crossing it cutting her out of your life For at least a while, but you know you got to figure that out You got to actually talk to somebody about it, and so I think you least got a little time where you can afford her pretty easily No, I will not accept We've talked about this before with people who called in where like they just have like historically shitty parents and you know the kids become adults and the parents just end up in like some kind of dire straits and they like need the kids help and You just have like, you know that innate human like

Compulsion to like help your parents when they're like in trouble and you feel like guilty if you don't or feel like you can or something but I've talked about it before it's like you know at a certain point especially if your parent shows like no signs of like improving themselves or like trying to fix their own problems like you can only help them as much up until the point of like you know you, you don't wanna sink with the ship. So you're like, I'll lend you an ear, I'll try to find you resources to help or whatever it is, but like, you know, I can't dump my bank account trying to get you out of jail and like, you're bailing you out.

To stop the vig on your loan for three weeks. Right, right. I'm so curious what she did to go to jail too I mean I can't be like murder bailed out for that Right, but I robbed some took a shit in a 7-eleven But but an extension of that too is like, you know That's also why you shouldn't like resort to drinking from the stress of it because that is going down with absolutely Dumping like no, that's a great point your own positive energy. It's like a different way. It's not just material It's also like the psychic toll it takes yeah, so don't like give you know

That up either to try to help your mom who's probably gonna go yeah, whatever Sticking up yeah, and 11 yeah, I bet it was some sort of drunken disorderly condom Yeah, maybe drugs who know who fucking knows could be drugs seems like a pretty good one Yeah, call in let us know what your mom did We're betting on it and if she's one of those mug shot baddies Your mom get on mug shouties They need to start a milk section of mug shouties actually I bet a nice amount of them have kids I actually had about a nice amount of them have kids. They probably are.

They're just young. That's so generous of you to not think that they have kids. You're right. Most of them, you're right. They just had them at fucking 17 or whatever. Nothing says going back to school like a new pair of shoes. Hi, I'm Sean from New Balance Toronto. And this year, let's make getting them out the door as easy as pop, slide, twist to fit

with the BOA laceless system. And this year, let's make getting them out the door as easy as pop, slide, twist to fit with the BOA Laceless System. Let them dial into a fast, effortless fit that's as easy for them to lock into as it is for them to break out of, all in one snap. Before the first bell rings, visit your neighborhood New Balance store and have your child properly fit.

New Balance Toronto, your back to school fit specialist for over 24 years. All right, LD, what else we got? All right, stop. So I had a girlfriend for a little over two years and her and my best friend of 10 years started hooking up behind my back at the end of our relationship. Towards the end? I was keen on her the whole time. What a twist! Use the kitchen and I was keen on her the whole

Fucking whore thought she had me. I even like that guy. I thought a bunch of girls that's awesome here's the kicker though come back here's what's really fucked up i was actually cheating the whole time that's the quickest like chameleon movie of all time he hit us with a twist within the same sentence the end of the movie just cuts to flashbacks of him fucking with her. Alright, this is great. Let's see what else he's got. The whole time we were together pretty much. But, I would tell my friend about it all the time. Towards the end he used that for his advantage.

And after I found out, I got pissed. So I'm wondering, I want to beat the shit out of him But I know I know that his response is bad. I cheated on her so it doesn't matter. That's not true Beat the shit out of him or should I forgive him and be friend give him or should I just pay both of them equally? This is awesome. This guy is so stupid. It's kind of refreshing though. That is a mouthwash after that. That's great. That's really good. There's no hemming and hawing. There's no being like, but my trauma made me do it. He's like, I was getting pussy, but he was my friend and it hurt my

feelings and I think I deserve to fuck him up Now I'll say this If you have something jump in but I have some thoughts Anytime the question is should I beat the shit? You're thinking about the wheels are spinning spinning. Maybe I should beat the shit out of the guy. It's not like an instinctive thing. I'm doing, I have a pros and cons sheet over here of do I fuck this guy up. Yeah, it would feel good. He is gay. That's the pros. I'm me so mad. So good. Okay, so, here's really my true thoughts on this.

You're a piece of shit. When it comes to the girlfriend, you have no recourse. You cheated on her constantly. She deserves to do something like this to you. She does, right? When it comes to the friend though that is you I actually Am on his side in terms of beating the shit out of this Yeah, cuz it's like look it's kind of the same way where it's like look man. You just don't snitch. Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like I know Theoretically, you know, it's like it's the legal thing to do but it's like snitching is a I just don't respect it

There's more but you know what I mean? It's like Theoretically, he shouldn't beat the shit out of this guy But this is a major violation of like especially when we're talking we're dealing with a fucking idiot like this Like this is a betrayal on your friends part like yeah Like and look somebody weird cuz he knew the whole time. It's not like it's been ten years Yeah, or wait the best friend of ten years the girl to two years little friend And look, it's weird because he knew the whole time. It's not like if it's been 10 years. Yeah. Or wait, the best friend of 10 years, the girl. Two years, the girlfriend.

Yeah. So it's like if he didn't tell her from the jump, it's like why you waited until you could use it to deliver it to fuck. Yeah, he started hitting the gym a little bit. The friend's like using the moral high ground to like ease his guilt of like breaking bro code basically. Right. Right.

That's the thing. It's like nothing to do with him. Nothing to do with him. It's like, hey man, maybe you shouldn't cheat on your girlfriend or whatever. And here's the thing, if the guy was like, he felt bad for this woman and he was like, look, this is weird for me to be here but you're a nice person, you don't deserve this, I am breaking bro code and getting nothing out of it except being a good guy because I'm morally am against cheating But you you he actually I respect the friend so much less. It's crazy. Yeah again. I don't respect the caller

Fucking idiot I do like I just don't respect him. I do like him. I just don't respect him. That twist. Here's the kicker. That really got me. I really like him. I was so ready for another really bit sad one.

Yeah, this one's awesome. Yeah, this one is really funny. But yes, this is an insane violation. Your friend's a piece of shit. Yeah. He is in the circles, in the Dante circles of hell. He is in a deeper circle of hell. Yeah Yeah, you know and so but to Tom's point if you had found out about this and you fucked him up

Yeah, that's one fully. Yeah, that is a fully different thing For a couple months, yeah, and I remember having these feelings sure I remember being like I Was there was there was a year in my life Where I was like I? Think I'm there's a guy. I think I'm going to fuck up if I ever see him Yeah, and there is there are people like that right like there's yeah that happens sometimes, but Now is when we start giving you actual advice here. It's like if you're out of the place where you instinctually have to fuck him up

violence Doesn't will not actually help you out here. No, it's never Not it won't help the situation might feel good in the moment But then it's like your hands all fucked up you might get what if you lose the fight? Betrayed you and fucked you up what if they've knocked you out and then fuck on top of your fucking passed out body, dude? Wouldn't that piss you off, man? But yeah, you're right, Alex. He is fully... He's... This guy just like has the fake moral high ground.

And he's using it to be a fucking scumbag to his friend. I think you definitely just gotta be done with it. I don't think he would forgive the guy. I think get the fuck out of it. No. Get the fuck out of it. I don't think you would forgive the guy And But you also shouldn't hate the girl you're a piece of shit to her She shouldn't want you in her life That's how you came towards her is not so funny that he said should I just hate both of them equally? You don't get to fucking hate her. What did she?

Fuck the guy. You know what? Fuck her actually. Dude. Yeah no that sucks. That's uh. Like honestly you're kind of Eve. Like I would say two straight years of multiple of cheating the whole time and look maybe he's a lab he's like he does seem like the kind of guy Yeah, well, we heard a straight shooter. I don't think he's hiding So if you were cheating with her for two straight years with multiple girls, I actually think the math of like Fucking a best friend versus two years of kind of even yeah, you're both kinda even. There's nothing. There you go. I say move on from her. Wash hands, shake hands. Shake hands.

Get out of there. Game respects game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a nice job. But yeah, this guy's not your friend. God, I want pictures of all the people involved, man. Yeah, that would be so hot. It's so hot.

And I, you know, I wouldn't, again, I kinda understand why you'd be the shit at it, but it's like, let this be a start of the next chapter of your life Well, maybe you don't cheat on your girlfriend for two years Maybe you start dating a girl you have and you're like, hmm I'm not mature enough to be in a relationship instead of taking up a lot of her time while also getting pussy I'll just break it off like a man, right? Let this be the start of your life where you're not violent when you don't need to be and you're not cheating when you don't have to be either

Yeah, cuz as much as we like you you you certainly got some changes to make in your life Great guy. I love good stuff good stuff buddy good stuff What a piece of shit that guy is his friend. I mean I really hate his friend. Yeah, the friend does suck shit That's too bad. I mean he would be friends with a guy who cheats on his girlfriend to all the fucking time Let's just you know, let let's be judge or whatever the pressure yes Yeah, it's not good right, but it's like whatever just I wonder how I probably It's not my problem. How old are they is another thing that's cheating on a wife or a serious girlfriend. Yeah, that's 20 relation when you're like early. Yeah when you're like, there's no way they're gonna end up together, right? Right, right, right Whatever. That's like dude chill, but whatever they did we think the way people tell me to stop eating pizza

That's how you should tell your friends to stop cheating Come on, it's probably isn't good for you. Man. I'm like fuck up on your baby up and mind your business. I like doing stuff like this. It's not hurting you. I'm putting this Italian man's family through college. You want me to tell the sandwich shop you don't want me to fucking cut keyboarding from here? You tell them. You tell them these three times a week orders are going to stop. You want me to tell the sandwich shop you don't want me to fucking keep ordering from here? You tell them.

You tell them these three times a week orders are gonna stop. Watch them cry. What else we got, Elders? Yes, Dov. First time calling in. Was just listening to you on Two Bears talking about struggling with eating ice cream at night. listening to you on two bears talking about struggling with eating ice cream at night I thought I was the only piece of shit that was pounding out like fucking two gallons of ice cream a week respect the big revelation was I went into the

grocery store and got a full ice cream cake for just to eat yes it wasn't to celebrate tips you have on how to avoid just seeing myself in the submission every night on a birthday. I have literally done this. The cake? It's great. 100%. We've done it in college.

I love the note that he says it wasn't to celebrate. Yeah, we know. It's like you could make up your own celebration. Dude, I remember even telling myself, well, I'm getting the little one. Not that I'm getting the big she one. I'm getting the circle one. That's fucking that's barely anything for one serving anyway I feel like this room could host like a four-day symposium like conference on this very topic Dude I don't know man. I mean this is truly my biggest addiction. This is truly what I struggle with more than literally anything

What I've been doing is I'm on I'm on ice cream methadone Which is halo top I was just I thought I would get roasted as shit if I'm not a low time I'm these walls because I was gonna say I do I do it with halo top because halo top It's like 300 calories for the full fucking pint. Yeah, and it's not good for you. It's got some weird sugars alcohol Whatever the fuck is in there. I was too expensive. It is you find it. Oh every once while there's a crazy deal Like four bucks a pint or whatever and I wanted to do a thing and my wife wouldn't let me This is how desperate we all are for fucking content. I was like, what if I do like a month of only eating Halo Top?

Yeah, I'm sorry. You wouldn't have food? No. It would just be Halo Top. She talked, I was like, okay, what if I eat one regular thing a day and then the rest of the meals are all Halo Top? Like you would have three Halo Tops a day?

Yeah, yeah. Probably four. I mean, they're 300 calories. So four of those and then Cray lunch dinner, then I just maybe have like a little like a month is insane Yeah, month was maybe but a week of hell that would be fun I kind of want to do it you should do a week. I'm a little worried I don't want it to fuck up my ability to have children or something

Nobody's ever tried it dude dude you're a fucking sign you're like you're one of my own I might I might do that for you too I might do it for the tube for the tube man do it for the tube let us know we'll post about it we need we need more scientists yeah yeah I agree okay and there's another thing we do some called meathead dessert which is Greek yogurt and they got delicious protein powders now. Oh Where? And there's one that I really particularly like there's a quest

And then you know, I'm trying to help this guy out so much that I'm breaking my own Rule of no free products. Yeah, we like to make everyone pay for a mention here. Quest used to send me shit too, man. It was awesome. Oh, fuck. We never, maybe they'll send us something. The one I love is the Quest Cinnamon. Like, say a Cinnamon Coast Crunch one.

It has little fucking pebbles in it. It has like little crunchies in it. It's a powder. It's a powder. Ooh, baby. We have some in there. I'll give you some. I might take some of that for you, man. Get some Greek yogurt, mix some of that shit in.

Even put a little bit of honey if you need to. Start with a Greek yogurt thing with protein powder that's kind of decadent, put a little nut butter in there. You know what I mean? It will still be better than the ice cream and it is really good. And then eventually you fucking go from 2% to skim, to no honey, just the protein batters couple mixed berries

These are all the tricks that I used to get off good ideas And it's like good for you and that should keep you full But like this you're doing at night. I'll do that I do meathead dessert at night or a little top sure I'm trying to get off the ala top just cuz I'm like I need to break the dependence on Sure, I'm trying to get off the aloe top just cuz I'm like I need to break the dependence on ice cream Yeah, yeah, I need still is I remember Tim Dillon had a bit where he was just like going off You'd have people yell out about like You would and he would make fun of them for whatever and a low top was one that he was like fuck you

That's not ice cream. It's shit. Whatever. Yeah, I was like man. I really like it. Yeah Man they actually speaking of they do have Here's something crazy. I haven't seen it very much. I've been only seen it in Baltimore Yeah, they have like they have one that mimics birthday ice cream cake. I love that one that was 360 Yeah, I mean we're getting in the weeds now There are some there are 390. I've never seen a 390. I do find myself inching towards the 360s. They're so much better.

They're way better. Yeah, but that one 360, it's like that's nothing. Come on. Sometimes I only have one. That's a 180 calories. I mean, that's fucking nothing. All right, well you get it. We got to go before we start spiraling about fucking ice cream. Me and Ty, this is not about this guy's question anymore. We're go before we start spiraling about fucking ice cream meantime This is not about this guy's question We're not that guy some ice cream. Yes. Sometimes we have a pint and a half sometimes

I'm gonna go drink and also the target cheap one. You're the target the target low Yeah, what now I've never had that they go 390 but 90 is anything there's a smores. Yeah. Oh baby. Let's go. I like that birthday cake one. The birthday cake. So good.

It's so good. And then the red velvet is really good too. And I've never tried chocolatey chunks. And it's so interesting. That's a 360. Nothing says going back to school like a new pair of shoes. Hi, I'm Sean from New Balance Toronto. And this year, let's make getting them out the door as easy as pop, slide, twist to fit with the BOA Laceless System.

Let them dial into a fast, effortless fit that's as easy for them to lock into as it is for them to break out of. All in one snap. Before the first bell rings, visit your neighborhood New Balance store and have your child properly fit. New Balance Toronto, your back-to-school fit specialist for over 24 years. How long have we been going, Eldis? Because I am thinking about going to the grocery store now. We're at 128. Oh, let's do one more. I love it. We could have gone on for two hours play us over some good eldest our friend thomas here has some fucking uh... has some fucking spasso sets we have to do your sense about a cautionary

tale beautiful i'm not skip it's not a long-time listener uh... called from the will call'll call it New York Metro. Okay. Don't really have a question. I actually want to give you a little advice,

not trying to take your job or anything, but you've got a lot of talks on there about, you know, dads, shitty dads, piece of shit dads. I know you're trying to work on your relationship with yours a little bit. And I just want to tell you I had a shitty dad and a couple years ago he slipped and fell and broke his fucking neck and ended up being quadriplegic for two years in a nursing home. Two years?

You know basically he shelled himself and then he passed away a little over a year ago and yeah I mean it's pretty shitty our relationship was getting better you know and now there's really no chance of that so just want to tell you you know keep at it man try it sucks I know sometimes you just want to fucking kill him or wish you didn't know him but yeah it's uh it's never too late to try man good luck yeah man I mean this seems kind of like more your thing than me. It's like a little projection. Yeah, good for you buddy.

Here's why I take this with a grain of salt. He says their relationship was getting better. What that actually was, was him feeling sorry for his old crippled dad. You just feel bad for an old guy. No, I think he said it was getting better But no, I know you're saying and it is it does actually mean more coming from Someone who went through it that's opposed to because there's nothing worse than people being like who have no idea What they're talking about be like hey, man, you can be gone tomorrow. It's like not my fucking yeah I love your both your parents. Yeah, that's like you're imagining me being mean to your good parent

That's what I try to do. I have all these bits about my stepdad and how I wanted him to kill himself And sometimes people are like whoa, and I'm like I'm not talking about your stepdad Piece of shit Yeah, it annoys the fuck out of you people really have this weird thing where it's like every parent is automatically good or yeah So no not some don't deserve your fucking time. It's weird I mean, I think it's because everybody fears being a parent. It's not respected by the shirt on some level Yeah, so when they see that behavior, it's kind of like, you know, it's kind of like how Pyramids work where it's like hey, you're on the the child is the shit has to take this shit flows

downhill it's like a child can't shit on a parent cuz what if I'm a shitty parent and my kid is mean to me you know it's kind of like how every poor person so why everybody Indiana votes Republican when I get rich though they're gonna take my money and I can't have that even though I haven't gone to the doctor in fucking eight years No, and both my limbs fucking tingle, but my legs tingle when I fucking sit. I got new COVID Yeah, it's uh, that's so true they're all just like millionaires who don't have any money. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so but I get it man I appreciate it. I suppose. I think it's coming from a good place. Whatever, but you know fuck you also Don't really know my situation

Fuck you dude it also is too late sometimes Yeah, he's being reincarnated as a bug Sometimes. Yeah. He's being reincarnated as a bug for all his race. He's getting squished. I'm going to stall. He's a boss. I have to pause. The boss is getting run over by his

own. He's a roadkill for the next 100 years. I'll try to fucking mend it with possible. Once he turns into a frog or some shit. Ah, fuck. Well that's a fun little way to end. But yeah, you know, we're working on it man. Don't worry. Sorry to hear... hey listen, honestly sorry to hear that about you and your dad. That's tough. But, you know, what are you gonna do? So? Tom thanks for being here buddy. This was so fun. Yeah, where should be anything you want to plug in particular? Oh, yeah, I'm doing a good way go to my YouTube. I'm bulking it up I'm doing a series now where it's me on the road just the bullshit that I do each week So I gamble and I drink a bunch. I know we know there's so much more we didn't get into your weird

you were like engaged when you were like 12 or whatever. We haven't gotten into so many trashy parts of Tom. There's so many trashy things to talk about. On his subsequent appearances folks we'll get into them and go check out the YouTube, follow Tom, see him live if he's coming wherever you are. Hilarious guy, one of my favorite comics. Go check him out and we will talk to you guys next week. Bye bye. Bye.