Stavvy's World - #93 - Jordan Jensen and John Kennedy

Episode Date: September 9, 2024

Jordan Jensen and John Kennedy join the pod to discuss Jordan's mental health, condoms, Stav and Jordan's new hairstyles, the anxiety of dating, North Dakota's claim to fame (fentanyl), supervising autistic children, and much more. Jordan, John and Stav help callers including a woman who is navigating dating after her ex-husband went to jail for murder, and a man who doesn't know how to tell his wife that he changed his mind about wanting kids. Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a  $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code STAVVY to score $250 IN BONUS BETS INSTANTLY when you bet just $5 AND get one month of NFL+ Premium. For more info, visit https://www.draftkings.com/ See Jordan Jensen live! Buy tix: https://punchup.live/jordanjensen Follow Jordan Jensen on social media: https://www.jordanjensencomedy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/jordanjensenlolstop/ https://www.facebook.com/jordan.cosentinijensen Follow John Kennedy on social media: https://www.instagram.com/johnhenrykennedy https://www.tiktok.com/@johnistoasted https://x.com/frazzlemygimp Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

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Music Music Music Music Music Music Music solve your problems damn I forgot I forgot the number we have returning did you change the number no it's just been we you know you nothing's wrong I just didn't I didn't haven't done the podcast in a while my number okay 904 800 stuff Jacksonville baby we were looking for 800 stuff so we took whatever we could get 904 800 stuff notSTOVE isn't there? It's there.

What do you mean? Who is it? Let's call it. It's this number. It's me. My phone rings. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we have Jordan Jensen and she brought it.

1-800-STOVE? Nine, what are you, I just fucking said it. Oh no, it's not a real number. Not 1-800. I got it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. It's a Google voice number.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. Not 800-STOVE. 1-800-STOVE-ROSE. I got it. I got it. I got it. It's a Google voice number. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got it. Not 800 Stav. 1-800-STAVROS. That could work. Does that add up? Yeah, I think so. But we're not doing a toll-free number.

We're not. All right. We're not assuming the call, the price of the call. Okay, okay. It is on the listener to pay the like, whatever cents it costs to put a call through but Jordan's here Jordan Jensen returns she brought I don't know this kid he's a cute little guy over here John literally your name is John Kennedy John Henry Kennedy that's hilarious sick John Henry you ever you ever think go to Hank

Kennedy no it's powerful dude yeah it's pretty powerful to Hank Kennedy? Um, no. It's powerful, dude. Yeah, I guess it's pretty powerful. J Hank Kennedy. What's Hank? Why is it powerful? Henry. Hank is short for Henry? Yeah. Really? Henry's my favorite male name. Henry Jack Oliver. Well then Henry and Hank is sort of like, you know what I mean?

Hank is gross. That's jerking me. Hank's gross? No, that's... Hanky. Yeah, Hanky and Jerk off. Jank off. Jack. Jank. Jank. I like how I like Jack. But not but Hank is literally jacking off. Hank is gross. Hank is is a hanky.

Did you know any Hanks? I think we know a Hank. I think I know a Hank where I grew up and I think he's a bad guy. I think he's friends with my sister's husband who cheated on her. Gotcha. Are they still married? No, divorced.

Divorced. Oppa! There we go, that's good. I think maybe the last time. He's had a cease and desist on me because I posted a podcast all about it. Oh wow. Yeah, I think we talked about it.

No. He has a friend named Hank. Oh, okay, yeah. Because of that, it's a friend named Hank. Oh Yeah, because of that Jordans out on the name. I think it's I think it's in a classic Hank is one of those classic I do know what you mean. It's not as declarative Thanks, it's an old guy name old guy name Yeah, dude one of my mom's name is Donna and I was thinking what your mom's names one of my mom's names One of my mom's names. Oh, I's names Oh, I see yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes is Donna and I was thinking about imagine having a little baby come out and being like

You know what? Donna Donna, that's crazy. That's awesome. I can see that. Yeah Yeah, I mean I would love a little baby with a powerful ass name Like I do like a baby. I would love a baby named Hank Or like a... No, baby. Hank. Yeah, what's up, Hank?

Rick, I guess. Rick is great for a baby. This is Rick. That rules, having a little baby. Hank's in the family, that's what I'm trying to tell you. Anyway, the point is we're trying to get this guy a new name already. Hank Kennedy.

Hank Kennedy sounds better, I think, than a regular Hank. already. Hank Kennedy. Hank Kennedy sounds better I think than a regular Hank. Yeah Hank Kennedy. I don't know I don't like the K's. I think the K's together are Kennedy. Okay what about Jack Kennedy. I like Henry Kennedy. Alright well then start going by your middle name. Or John Henry. John Henry. John Henry is great. But that's the powerful. Well John Henry is my whole first name. That's the powerful, powerful is that the black dude that raised them Yeah, my mom read that book a lot So you have a lot two different forms of Americana is your name is John Kennedy and John Henry Kennedy and then Bergen's my mill name I don't really Berger and Berger and it's like Swedish. Oh wait. Wait, your full name is John Henry Bergen

Yeah, John Henry is my whole first name. Yeah.H.B. Yeah, okay. Close to G.H.B. The date rape drug. My mom, yeah. Big fan of J.H.B. You know the Americana? My parents were like, well it is how we met. Yeah. What is J.H.B.? His middle initials. But what is that?

What is G? G.H.B. is the date rape drug. Like we just said. Is, is, is... Rufi? Rufelin? Mmhmm. Go ahead, Elders. Gamma Hydroxyburie. Yo, I be giving my dog that Gamma Pet... Oh no, I give her Gabapentin. Yeah, you don't give your dog the date rape drug? Yo, I be...

Heard that, that little ass. Well, that's great. Off to a fucking rousing star here This is oh wow daytime sleeping Wait, so it's GSP. We all know what it is But why is it treats excessive sleepiness if it makes you sleepies? I don't know This is reading excessive daytime sleepiness, so you just kind of like you take it to fall asleep If you're an arco-lelap, oh gotcha gotcha that way you just pass man You know what the best is clonopin? Can we talk about clonopin?

They're good. God damn are they good. They're good pills. Oh, I could be in the middle of an epic panic attack where I'm like the only thing that will take me down is being tranquilized in a hospital, and I pop half one of those. And I'm like.

You're good to go? What does it do? It just like makes you tired? You just are like, who cares? You zone out. Yeah. Really? It's kind of like Xanax? It's better than Xanax. Xanax, you feel a little out of control, whereas. You just are like who cares? You just zone out. Yeah. Really?

Is it like Xanax? It's better than Xanax. Xanax you feel a little out of control whereas... Yeah one time I took a Xanax at work and then I left the key in the door. Yeah. Yeah. What door? Just the front door.

Oh like a... I worked at a donut shop in Rockefeller. In Rockefeller. If only. That would have been my lucky day. Come on through, got the key in there I'll just it finally happens How this pulls up in a pickup with my good huge?

Our man on the inside finally fucking took the pill We have 90 seconds until the doughnut alarm rings Before the dough donut police get here you'd like going in your whole family would be there man that's good stuff right there wait in Rockefeller yeah right next to the Nintendo store oh nice okay where you from are you from Minnesota okay so why did you go why North Dakota that makes sense? That's that's checking out. Yeah, why the John Kennedy? Why John? Do they like him or it's like my grandpa's name I think you know

Okay, he wasn't like that like the main you know he was just like a different. You're stealing Kennedy Valor kind of yeah You are yeah, but I didn't do it. You know yeah, I'm not like going you have three names though You could go by any of them you decided to get four names John Henry Bergeron Bergeron's kind of Bergeron Kennedy, but then all of it sounds like old money Bergeron Kennedy sounds like their cousins, but there's no like old money in my family You could really get away with it. You look like you might have money. You don't really you don't you don't right now But you could pretend to yeah, but his family doesn't they're like they're like But where's the fun in like pretending to have the most ever see talented mr. Ripley? Oh my god

I have it's fucking awesome, and then what he like gets to be rich, and I mean the show is bad I didn't see the show how dare they make the old black and white movies like my 96 97 see now it's like not cool to be rich It's not cool. Have you met a rich person lately? They're like all you know like dress will then adventure stores and they all dress Fucking Shawshank Redemption if you're the richer you get the more you dress like you're in prison in prison in the 50s Yeah, well these this movie is about Jude Law and Gwyneth Paltrow are rich in the fifties. They're like heirs to, or Jude Law in particular is an heir to a shipping fortune.

And Matt Damon pretends to have gone to Princeton with him. He weasels his way into a social circle and just kind of pretends for a while. It's awesome. It's a great fucking movie. It's just like that movie where he fucks the grave. What movie is that? All right. The movie that just came out where he fucks the grave movies are in the movie that just came out where you go over and over and

oh yeah haven't seen it yeah i mean it's really bad i mean i'm sorry to whatever that guy's name is i i met him at the seller and let me touch his abs you let you touch his abs? was he a tiny guy? yeah but he was really hot i was climbing into shane g Gillis's lap being like, stop it!

Because he was right there and Andrew Schultz was like, she has a crush on you, and I was like, no I don't. And Shane was like, can you get off of me? And then he walked up and was like, you can touch my abs. And I was like, OK. Wow. And I was just. That's kind of freaky.

Wait, you didn't ask or? He let me. Yeah, he said, you can touch my abs. I didn't ask. He gets off. He just offers it up. He just Touched the Queen's fringe she walks by on Easter Sunday Yeah, I get a piece of Barry Keegan's abs to jack off to later Wow imagine if you wanted to fuck you that was just like

He would have let you touch his dick probably I would have yeah I know like this. I'm not Wow your forms getting better Jordan all the straight classes straight conversion is going really well Interesting yeah, well you just trash Well, you just trashed him. You just trashed his movie. I know, your movie's bad. I love you so much though. He's good in other stuff. I mean, I like, I really loved him in Killing of a Sacred Deer. And Ben, she's a very nice hero. Can you pull up a picture of him? Oh yeah. I don't know if I remember. You don't know Barry Keegan, bro? I don't remember. He's now, he's dating. He looks like a bull terrier. He looks like

a bull terrier and I'm really glad that I just said that because that is funny The keyboard sounds like a hacker keyboard. Yeah, and you're like looking at This is hacking into the mainframe Some good little gamer keyboard. Yeah, wait can you pull up a bear bull terrier and see how accurate I was? Okay, okay, okay now bull bald terrier you fucking idiot bull Balls a terrier He's got bull terrier yeah God I would love to have that job just pairing people with that's not a job

What are you talking about? What job? pointing out what people look like What are you talking about what job? That job? It's gotta be a job. I just described it so it's gotta be a job. God those dogs are all ugly. Yeah it's a weird looking dog for sure. I like them. They'll tear you up.

So he's kinda like a tiny jacked guy. Is that what you're, you think that's what you'd be into? A little jacked guy? I don't know what I'm into. I'm asexual now. I did go on a date yesterday when we made out and it was Wow Scary scary. Yeah, I don't think I liked it. Huh? I don't like the I don't like the dating thing and meetings I don't like that. I have to do what I've always done

I have to know somebody for three and a half years be friends bully them into having sex with me and then ruin the relationship Borderline personality disorder them into being with me for a year Sounds healthy. Sounds good. The stranger thing is weird. It's stranger danger. I don't like it. You have to.

You have to go. You have to go against your instincts because your instincts are wrong. No, that's what my therapist is. Yeah, yeah, because they're like me. I'm a mental health professional, obviously. This show, I'm sort of an unlicensed therapist. But I did it. So now I can go do a different man? I guess.

And you just keep? Here's the thing, there's no expectations, there's no nothing, just going on a date. If you didn't like the guy, you don't have to go back. I did like him, but he liked me and that's not nice. You should just give that a whirl. No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah.

No, I'd rather be attacked and raped. You should just give that a whirl. Yeah, yeah, no You know, I don't know god yeah, I'd rather have a baseball badge rather than somebody being like I can I tell you something That's really good and healthy That's not like a cartoonish Lee. you don't have like a cartoonish problem. Can I get you anything? Oh my god! I was thinking about you the other day. Hey, you know that book you mentioned wanting to read? I actually saw it at a store and picked it up for you.

Oh stop! Stop, that's so awful. No, that's sexual harassment. I just became a Jewish, old Jewish, that's so awful. No, that's sexual harassment. I just became a Jewish. Old Jewish. That's harassment. I don't like it. Interesting. Well that's good for you. You should keep doing that. Yeah, wait.

Dating random people, trying to just be around people that treat you with baseline respect. You're going to have to fight through it for a little bit. Baseline. Yeah, it doesn't go crazy. Yeah, you can't go chivalry. No. None of that.

Somebody who treats you nice, but just has just a little edge maybe. A reformed piece of shit maybe might be good for you. Yeah. Like a prisoner? Like a prisoner, yeah. Someone who's done his time for assaulting a woman that looked exactly like you,

but he's over it now, and he can kind of bring that energy into the bedroom, but treat you nicely in other in every other circumstance Very interesting. Well, that's good. I'm glad to see it's nice to check in every six months and see you're doing so well Yeah, just kind of the exact same place Really good that you were before. It's going really good. Ah folks, it's getting to be fall. The holidays are upon us. We're preparing here at Stompy Baby Enterprises

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I used to do everything by myself. I had to track shit by hand. I had to mail shit myself There was no easy way to get a list of everyone who bought shit now We have our our merch store all integrated with the website. It was a mess. I was taking Venmo personally I was taking cash. I wasn't keeping the best records IRS. I pay my taxes though get off my back With Shopify though. I don't got to worry about any of that shit And you shouldn't either upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use with Shopify today folks hear this sound a little bit Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Stavi, all lowercase.

Go to Shopify.com slash S-T-A-V-V-Y to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash Stavi. Oh, I hear that sound. John's a healthy person. Yeah, yeah. Really? It's really gross.

In what, in like all ways? Like his family is close and he has a girlfriend who he tells secrets to at the table. That sounds nice. At the table. Like when we were playing cards you guys were like, and giggling and I was like, I hate you. I'll kill you both. You don't want, you know, you envy that kind of intimacy is what you're saying? I just don't know, even know what that would be like to not have somebody say something to me. Or not have me whisper somebody to somebody and have them go. Can you stop?

when other people are looking Who's this fucking bitch and then text me like sorry about that don't ever do that again in public Anyway, I'm gonna leave. Why are you talking to me? Yeah, who the fuck is this and then like a text you like? Alright, I'll leave the door unlocked just come in at 1 a.m. Be gone by 3 Yes, sir. I'll be there. Thank you Yeah, I mean it's it's getting to it we all we got to deal with our stuff Jordan You can't be in this way when you're like 40. I know I'm 33. It's really crazy Like we always talk about like the right thing to do and you're like very good at identifying what is the correct thing and

You just don't live by it John we're in the car and my ex is friends with him and John called him It was like hey, can I come up and say hi to you? And he goes I don't fucking care and John was like what the hell man and he goes, oh, sorry I'm just used say hi to you and he goes I don't fucking care and John was like what the hell man And he goes oh, sorry. I'm just used to talking to Jordan That's hilarious yeah, I know I'm very good. I guess it's because I yeah, it's the baby monster mentality We were like I'm gonna do all these things no I'm not it's binge eating sugar. We're like It's that you're off that so you got to do it emotionally. I'm not off. You're not anything. You've been getting jacked

I see your Instagram stories. I know you're like in boxing and shit. Yeah, it's really fun I got hit in the mouth because I didn't duck and she hit me in the mouth Isn't that crazy? Yeah, cuz I didn't keep my guard up and she was like I'm gonna hit you in the mouth and I was like like, ha ha. And then I didn't. And she punched me right in the face. That's awesome. You think you'll duck next time? I did duck. It got me to duck. Yeah, there we go. She'll either duck or like lead with her chin next time. Yeah. I'm just gonna show up at her house at midnight and be like, hi, just saying, just hopping in to say hello. house in midnight. I'd be like, hi, just saying, just popping in to say hello. That really meant a lot to me, you hitting me today. That's awesome. Okay. No, I'm not eating sugar right

now and I feel a lot better. I ate sugar at this wedding and it was my, I had like a meltdown where I was like sobbing, crying and I couldn't figure it out and it, sugar is the devil. Interesting. I don't know if that's true either.'s true It's bad. Have you ever seen a baby like eat sugar, and then they're like yeah Yeah, like oh you give a baby a taste of something sweet though. Yeah, like an ice cream Yeah, yeah, they want to like devote their life to it. Yeah, but it's true. I mean yeah, those are great videos babies Experiencing things for the first time whenever kiwi no yeah the sour the sweet pizza seeing things for the first time. When they have a kiwi, they're like. The sour, the sweet, pizza, that's good stuff. I haven't seen pizza.

I've seen pizza. I've seen giving a baby like a little piece of meat too. You can tell the ones that love it. The Italians. I have one of my favorite, there's a video of me with, I had a top tooth and a bottom tooth. I had two teeth and I was eating a lamb chop on the bone. So it was like.

Oh wow. You just can't escape what you're meant to be. That's beautiful. Wait, did you get a new tooth that you chipped again the tooth is chipped Yeah, I've made some cosmetic differences eagle-eyed viewers will be able to tell that I have gotten a haircut I didn't really want to do it, but I had a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity I was offered the role of fat pedophile on law and order SVU perfect and hopefully there they told me there. And hopefully it airs.

They told me there's no guarantee it airs, but you know, I gotta start making moves in this business. Yeah. What is that, real? What is that, real? No, no, no. On screen. No, but I did have to cut it for something.

No, it's not on SVU. Yeah, it's not on SVU. It's just like, it's kinda like experimental theater. So it's kinda like- It's in a black box. It's just one of those- I'm a pedophile and I do a good part. Well it's kind of like a black box. It's just a pedophile. Well, it's like, yeah, I'm actually getting it. Yeah, they just kind of want it's kind of like a prank show

where it's like, hey, we need to like we need five. It's going to be five guys. It's like, which one of these guys is the pedophile? And so they needed people that aren't but could conceive of. Right, right, right. It's a police line. It's kind of what I'm not actually. Yeah, it's kind of exactly a police line up.

And I have been cleared of all the charges, but they did want me to cut my hair for it. But yeah, I have that. And then yeah, this is the fake tooth and it chipped, but I kind of like it. Is it surgically put in? Uh-huh. This is fake. You can unscrew it and put it in a new one. How did you chip the fake one because it doesn't have nerve endings?

I just woke up and it was chipped. No way. I swear to God. I think I grind my teeth. I like it. I think it looks cool. It is cool because I kind of also makes it look more real Yeah, right. Yeah, cuz who what kind of fucking asshole would have a chip? This is the one Wait, what did this happen? This is what this is like fucking five months ago. You haven't noticed We spend like every day together, bro. You edit videos of me.

You edit videos. Constantly. You look at my mouth more than anyone on earth. No one looks at me more than you. Yeah, literally. This is what happens when you hire your friends. This is the quality you get. This is the guy quality controlling all my videos. He hasn't noticed my fucking tooth is chipped.

That's hilarious, Elders. That is crazy. Quality you get this guy quality controlling all my videos That's that's hilarious Whatever fuck you Yeah, that's right You're right about that brother, but yeah,'m going, so now I'm kind of excited to kind of get into the, you know, I think it's actually, I actually am enjoying it. Didn't think I would, but.

Enjoying what? Just my short hair, you know. It's beautiful. Yeah. Getting the breeze on my neck. I think it looks better. It's a different look, for sure. Yeah.

I mean, the other look is a, it's a, yeah. Yeah, I know. It's on purpose. It's on purpose. Yeah, I know what I'm doing. It's a different look for sure. I mean the other look is a, it's a, Yeah, I know. It's on purpose. It's on purpose. Yeah, I know what I'm doing. It's on purpose. But I had just gotten the bald pony going. That's what broke my heart.

Oh, that's very, very painful. I was just getting into, literally I had two weeks of bald pony and it was in Baltimore. No one was seeing me. I was just walking around at the gym with my fucking little ponytail. Yeah, I don't think you actually acted in anything.

I think somebody was like, can you just tell him this? Yeah. Right? We gotta hear this. He's out of control. Yeah, but yeah, no, it's good. Yeah, I just, you know, now it opens up a whole new world

of stylistic choices. I dyed my hair blonde, and it changed my life. You look better, yeah. I look better, right? You really do. I look less dead. Yeah, there's more lifety for real. It's crazy.

I know. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting hit on for real. It's crazy, I know. Yeah. Yeah. I'm getting hit on way more. It's incredible, but it scares me because I'll go after somebody like, what's up, you wanna, and they'll be like, yes.

And I'm like, no, no, no. But it's crazy how much the blonde looks. It's a much better look. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. That's good. You're slowly, you know, you're making self-improvements.

Yeah. And you keep getting compliments. I keep getting compliments. From like people, yeah.. I know it's really crazy. You seem more positive Well, I went through the breakup. Mmm. I went through it. We yeah last time you saw me I was in it for sure Yeah, you were not in a good zone. Yeah, but you're feeling but I'm out of it Now I'm a little slut making out with people in the botanical garden. Kissing one guy. I kissed a guy. I had sex Wow Condom Kissing one guy

Fucking stranger, I'm sorry you think it's sluttier to wear a condom. Yeah to be like wrap it up I don't know what been in here boy Lying to yourself and getting cream pie by a stranger. That's what I usually do That's no I usually do. And it wasn't working. That's not slutty. It's like you want some saran wrap to dip. You're telling him to wrap it up for his own sake. Yeah. For you. I'm a whore with a fucked up pussy.

You better put a condom on. You dip it in the mic. This is this. You got it. I got to preserve the ecosystem because it's going to get a lot more stuff in there there so wrap it up. No, I said That is hilarious thinking which I I know you're you've Wow, that is hilarious thinking, which I know you've crossed into doing a bit now, but that is how you think.

What? That it's slutty to wear a condom. I do. Yeah, that's so dumb. It really doesn't make any sense. That's crazy how stupid that is. I know, I don't know what it is. I think it's because I was like, take the condom off, and he was like, no, and I was

like, ooh, because I'm a dirty little slut. And he was like, no, I guess that's what people do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take the condom off is so awesome. And he was like no and I was like ooh good. I'm a dirty little slut Take the condom off is so awesome Generally I've never wanted to wear a condom more than when a woman said yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, he was like now It's like even if I had would have tried to fuck you with no condom and then you're like don't put one on I'm like Well, well that settles it

You just have like so much confidence that like when you're talking I'm like yeah and then after yeah that makes no sense what was I just nodding my head to? that was garbage that was the dumbest shit I've ever heard you should not ask people to take condoms off anymore. I don't like them.

It feels like a pap smear. It's not good. They're not good. It's awful. It's not worth doing. You at least need to fuck someone a couple times with a condom to be like, all right, we have a baseline level of trust here.

Have you ever done the thing where you're like, I've been tested, you've been tested, we're not dating, but we should fuck because we cannot use a condom, and then you do it, and then there's just this person inside of you thing where you're like you I've been tested you've been tested We're not dating but like we should fuck because we cannot use a condom and then you do it and then there's just this person Inside of you and you're like I could have just masturbated. This is the same thing. That's a face No, I've never felt that way I've never stood outside the clinic waiting for someone to pass a test and then be like, alright, well look No, but like with a friend like with me and my friend we were both like, oh shit. Yeah, we hate condoms Both of us are dead. You're so stupid. You think you had that idea But like with a friend, like with me and my friend, we were both like, oh shit, yeah, we hate condoms.

Both of us are tested. You're so stupid. You think you had that idea. Someone preyed on your gullible ass. You're like, you know when that happens and your friends just happen to mention how you both hate condoms, so they innocently throw out how they should raw dog you

and you're like, well, duh, I hate condoms so much, I should let someone I don't really like, well, duh, I hate gondoms so much, I should let someone I don't really like that much come inside me. That's exactly how it happened. Dude, the guy was like, I hate them, and you were like, I gotta keep them around. I hate them too. Insanely dumb.

That's like if a big, if like big, you know the movie Big where a little kid becomes an adult If that happened to a woman That's the kind of person who falls for that kind of thing yeah It's like if an and if a ten-year-old was all the sudden a 30 year old's body. Oh, yeah They should have a dog way through I was like why am I doing this? All I didn't want to ever have sex with this person Oh I didn't want to do this at all. I didn't want to ever have sex with this person. And they were like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, man, that's crazy. That's crazy that you could go that far in the wrong direction of somebody that you either borderline abusive is what you're into to someone you have negative interest in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's just like, you're being a good pal. Yeah.

That's how good a friend you friend you and not a condom You know condom that's the kind of person you want a little bit of fucking saran wrap in between you Wow, that's awesome Fuck in a different world. I would love to have like tried to sell you a fucking like time share I would love to catch you a fucking like time share. I would have loved to catch you at the right time. Just be like, do you want some Iraqi dinar? You know now that President Trump is in office, he's gonna reinstate Iraqi dinar.

That was awesome. I know this guy hit me up the other day like a fan and was like, can you help me? And I was like, with what? And he goes, I need $100, I'll send it back to you. And I was going to send it. I'll send it back to you. And my buddy Jake was like, do not do that. And I was like with what and he goes I need a hundred dollars I'll send it back to you, and I was going He's gonna send it back and he was like don't what

Okay, whatever man. Have you fallen for any other any non-sexual scams? That's not even a scam Guy asking you for money, and you're like I almost fell for it yeah yeah which give us give us like a have you ever been one time I one time I was really drunk and I slept with this guy and I remember waking up and being like he's a doctor he had worn a condom he knows like you remember being like he's a doctor like I woke up and I was like, oh I fucked a doctor And then I when I woke up I was like it's Halloween and he was dressed up as a doctor That's crazy really bad. Yeah. Yeah, and that it's also funny that you thought wow look at me. Yeah letting a doctor I don't know. Fuck me wrong doctor in scrub yeah and I was part of just got off no time to change

you know doctors ever had holy paper roll that is industrious and a fraternity that's cool yeah yeah yeah I guess the boys are all getting checkups before rush week I'll take whatever drug this doctor gives me, thank you. That's awesome, man. Great stuff, Jordan. Yeah. Well, you know, you're on the right track.

Don't fuck, use more condoms and fuck, I mean, it's just crazy that you think condoms were the issue there that allowed you to do that, that that was the, your hatred of condoms led you to that hookup. We don't have to keep thinking about it. It was in at one. I remember the conversation being like, I'm I'm I'm single now,

so I'm hooking up with people and I hate condoms. He's like, I hate condoms. And I remember being like, oh, and then later he texted me and he was like, if we both hate condoms, that's insane. First of all, I cannot believe he's got to be like, wow, that worked. That's one of those where you get a text back. We're like, you know what? That's a good point. Like holy shit He's like already sleeping is like Take a shower

He brought here's what happened he was jerking off That text yeah Came was like Jesus fucking Christ. I might be fucked in Damn that's fucking you. I honestly every time you surprise me with new stuff Jordan. Oh my god you can really get away with murder with me. It's crazy dude. It's crazy. I've done a lot of shit that's bad. One guy, there was one guy, I don't even know how this happened. One guy that I remember I've gotten his van, whatever we don't have to get into this. But I will, I am lured like a, like a, and then the thing is is I, you can give me this like, do you want to fuck? and I'm like no and they're like don't be weird

and I'm like Yeah, you're so impulsive what is not impulsive you mean why am I a pushover I think that's what it's just like It's just she's so I never want to be a bad hang. Yeah. Yeah, totally no No, it's complete people. It's like the most people pleasing 101 I want everybody ever possibly be yeah, and I get that too because there's the like that moment when there's an uncomfortable moment You'll do anything to make it go away. Yeah, and you're just like well. I should be punished Yeah, instead of anyone else right the quickest way for this to be gone is if I just suck it up And dude I was having I was on a date the other day at night

And we were like sitting on a bench and I was having a panic attack internally because I could feel this guy was gonna try and do something and he was so gay. Like he was so disturbingly like a gay man. Like he had like a tote bag and was like, yes. But was like using me as a mechanism to be like, see I'm not gay and I've dealt with that before

because they go after me because I'm like a dude. And then, and I'm like, yo, so many times. The things you have. So many times. The experiences that have become rote to you are hilarious. Gay men trying to meet their quota of women so they don't have to tell their dad they're gay, crazy. And I could feel it, and I was like,

just make out with him and then you can go home. Just make out with him. And then I was like, I really don't want to in my head and then I reached over my dog was Shaking like insanely and she was like and panicking and I was like Oh if my dog is literally being like we have to get out of here And then I was able to be like oh my dog is dehydrated we have to go and I ran away from the man Where was the dog right next to me on the bench? Where were you? By my house. Oh by your house, and then he was like, I'll walk you home.

And I was like, that's okay. And then he was like, I'll walk you home. And I was like, okay. And now he knows where I live. Fuck. He might come in and redecorate. Oh, there's nothing worse. He was so gay.

You're sure this man was gay? Is he bi? Is he like an out-bi man? He just, he's not gay, obviously. You're in Brooklyn. But he's gay. Like I showed up and he was like, hi. And I was like, no. gay is a Brooklyn guy right? He's probably bi he was it was it was very It was very New York

And you're not interested in that no no no no no no and why were you on a date with him Yeah, we met on an app and he was holding up. He holding like a you know, he had like a car or a swastika. Yeah No, he had a cage and he said women go Wow great points Jordan and John, you know what else is great guys friendly wagering Specifically on football now that it's NFL season specifically on football now that it's NFL season. You know, and what's even better than that, scoring a touchdown, TD, Tuddy, taking it to the house,

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Call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text HOPE-NY, 467-369 in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-77 7 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of boot hill casino and resort Kansas 21 plus agent eligibility varies by jurisdiction void in Ontario bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance for additional terms responsible gambling gaming resource cd ng co slash FT ball NFL plus premium offer available only to you and former NFL plus subscribers additional FL plus premium terms at NFL dot-com slash terms Very interesting and you you and then John you're completely a well-adjusted person who's never been bullied into sex. I guess No Well, I mean you don't really need to get bullied into it sure but you know what I mean

Yeah, we're like Regrettably sort because I definitely there were there was a time where like it was the time I realized I didn't have to fuck anyone Who asked because there's if you're a young fat man most of the time it's like You're doing whatever you can to get and then I was like at a show and I was I gone through a breakup and a girl Just came up to me and was like, hey, you had some jokes about, I kinda feel like you in this story, where she came up and she's like,

you had some jokes about fucking strangers. She was kind of like a fat autistic girl, and I was like. I'm mentally retarded. I'm like, yeah, I'm pretty sad right now, so she's like, I live around the corner, and I just went and I was walking to her place and I was like, I don't really wanna fuck this girl,

but I am already kinda going. And it's like, eh, who knows, it might be, she might. It might be what? It's always the same. Wait, and then what happened? I had some of the weirdest worst sex of all time. Wait, how?

It was just like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, it was like, she was just like. It was like. Like what? Like I was, dude. It was like she was into like gagging or whatever. Like she wanted to gag a lot and it's like,

my dick ain't doing that. So I was like, she wanted me to like gag her with like my fingers and she's, sometimes you're gagging someone. It's like, you know, it's hot obviously sometimes. It's just like, but we got in there a little too deep, I just got like a, you get a whiff of lunch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh.

And then you don't wanna get gagged. And all of a sudden you're smelling like pussy and a fucking roast beef sandwich. And I'm like softer than I've ever been in my life. That is really sad. And then I just have to kinda like, I don't know, mash my fucking soft ass dick and just focus on her titties, like trying to put her titties in portrait mode

with my eyes, where everything else is just blurry. You know what I mean? And I'm like, just focus on her big tits, everything else is not here. And I just, it was fucking atrocious. And I like, and I tried to like, and then I was like, all right, I got this nut off. I'm gonna pretend to go to sleep

and then just like leave as soon as possible. And I just dozed off, I guess. It was late, it was pretty late. It was after like three shows. It was like the last show. It was like a midnight show or whatever. And so I dozed off and I'm like, and it's like 6 a.m. Early, it's like the earliest you can leave

where it's the morning. Like if it was 5.30, that's weird to leave, you know what I mean? But it was 6 a.m. I'm like great. I'm putting my fucking pants on. I'm getting the fuck out of there. And she's like, where are you going? And she grabs my dick and is trying to be sexy, not working.

But then again, I'm like, ah, this would really be a blow to this woman if I didn't try and fuck her one more time. If I left now. You did it again? I just didn't have it. Oh my. Because in my head, I was like, I'm home free.

You know what I mean? I'm gone. There's no, if she was awake, I in my head I was like, I'm home free. You know what I mean? I'm like, I'm gone. There's no, like if she was awake, I would have been like working on my, my like, I have to get out of here speech. She called me, I'm like whistling, I'm out the door. I'm like, I'm thinking about the bagel I'm about to eat by myself in you know, downtown DC.

And literally she just like, catch me as all my defenses are down. I would have had a like I had no like It's Sunday at 6 a.m. Where the fuck do I need to be? Yeah, you know what I mean? It's like I could have said something about my car in hot I'm literally getting my dick sucked and being like you should have said you parked in a fucking yeah ways I'm like I'm just going through it was early flight. It was horrible and I think I I Don't think I have in the past faked coming in a condom. I've done that before. As a man I faked an orgasm but I

know there's no condom involved here. I just I don't know how I got out of that last one. I kind of but yeah I was truly horrible and then I was like that was a big moment for me where I was like well it turns out you don't have To fuck every woman who asks yeah, and that was actually a learning experience because I'm like I was like 24 you know I mean like I didn't just never dawned on me the year before is the first year where I fucked I was actually just Confident to ask girls to like hook up and then that was the year I was like don't gotta fuck all of them He doesn't even have that thing though.

Like you meet young comics and they're like, I have a girlfriend, I really like them, but I, you know, of course, hey there's the times. But I saw a girl go up to him after one of my shows and he was opening for her and she was like, not wearing any pants basically. And he was like, I'm a huge fan. And afterwards I was like, she was trying to fuck you

and he was like, no. Like he doesn't even see it. And she's like, no, she just likes my Twitter. And I Twitter and I'm like no it could be I mean said she liked my Twitter Yeah, she probably would suck you up still. She's out dude. She was like red pill Jordan This fucking bitch was wearing shorts At night she's looking for dick With nipples fucking she was into it

somebody nipples a woman wearing yoga pants with nipples talk to a man who has a Twitter you know that means he's trying to fuck new fucking Redfield Jordan I love it. Yeah, I mean, that's better, though. That's being that's being his is way better emotionally. OK, well, I just figure that I try to critically think sometimes about what I want. Yeah. Yeah, I know that I would much rather be in a hell- in like a fun relationship where I actually laugh with the person and I enjoy being around them than to nut once and then live with that guilt for the rest of my life

and that's impressive, that's impressive because I don't- I know what you mean but it's like there's an animal that takes over yeah I also am taking hair loss pills so I'm not as horny oh that's interesting, that's it you nerfed your dick Yeah, I also am taking hair loss pills. I'm not as horny You've nerfed your dick Nerf dirt smart dude, that's good. I wish I had done that when I was in a relationship I would have been helpful And how old are you? 25 25 okay. Yeah, that's good. That's good to fucking be like I like this

relationship I'm good to go and to keep the hair because looks like you got a night you're looking good still or yeah it's like fine I was just like I don't I didn't want it to go you know of course of course because it's like you know going yeah yeah not everyone can swim in these waters, my friend. I know. You're not meant for it. Have you ever done the hair loss pills? No. I don't... I feel no desire to. I think it's funnier to be bald and not give a fuck.

Yeah. That's the power. I've learned that's the power move. You have like a great vibe. Thanks, man. I appreciate that. I mean, I feel like if you had hair you'd be like, try to be cooler. Yeah, I've thought about this where it's like if God gave me one thing, I'd be unstoppable. But he was like, no, you get nothing. He was like, little ass dick. I guess good skin. Good skin is all I got. And that actually is a big, that's a big, I've learned that's a big thing because it just made it just makes you look like

The best version of whatever you are, but yeah, yeah Short you know L. Just thinks he has no his life hasn't been easier because he's six four Hysterical if this motherfucker was five seven he would be the biggest incel you've ever met in your life I would be so pissed at women. It's crazy Yeah, but yeah short as shit fat as shit. We are tall like for your age. Are you ever tall? Yeah, yeah, I know it's funny because it is a stupid question But he is also right by accident where I was this height and in eighth grade like I was five Like I'm going no no in in like elementary school me and elders were like

Similarly tall kids and it was like my doctor's like oh, yeah He's gonna be six two, six three. And then I just stopped at eighth grade. It just never, never kept going. Still pissed at that doctor for getting my hopes up. But do you know what's funny? I just don't actually- Think his guess.

Every doctor's always been wrong about what, yeah, I'm thinking like six two. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would you even say that? Yeah. To get my little kid hopes up. Based on what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would you even say that? Yeah. To get my little kid hooked up. Based on what? Yeah, yeah, the chart.

I can just see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can see it for you. I want it bad. Ah, growth. I remember just still holding on to that growth spurt, being like, any fucking day now, it's coming. But, yeah.

How tall are you? 5'7". That's not bad. You're 5'7"? I'm 5'9". I thought we were the same height. How tall are you five seven? That's not bad. You're five seven. I'm five nine I thought we were same height. How tall are you six five six? You're six four you're six four and I'm actually five eight But I say five seven because I it's again part of the reversal of power where it's like if you say you're Everybody who says they're five eight is five seven. So I say I'm five seven. I'm actually five

Yeah, I get five'8 from you. Does it help you with ladies? People like to climb that thing? Climb that thing? I'm out the game for a long time. I mean, did it help me? I don't know. I never felt like...

Did it help? Hilarious. You're in a green shirt. You're trying to look like a tree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's trying to fuck birds. I never felt like I noticed my height. And I feel like if anything it made me-

Unbelievable. It made me want to be like more reserved in life. Un-BELIEVABLE. This is like fucking- I'm on. White privilege isn't real! It's been too- it's been a long time since slavery. That's you height-wise right now.

I will say I genuinely- I feel like because I am so big, like it does make me just want to be like more of a quiet person That's how it goes though. Yeah, if you're tall you gotta act cool and like I don't care Yeah, that being said like when I am around JP He's like an inch or two taller than me and I if there's something in me that's like whoa This is weird like I never experience That's why JP opens for me so that you get to feel that. Everyone around me is just giant. This is what you could be. This is what the other confident on stage.

But it's so funny though because I really do believe in my head. Elders is like three inches taller than me. You know what I mean? Like in my head, people that are six feet tall are my height. I don't see him as that tall either. I don't walk in and go, whoa. Like when I walk in and see JP, I'm like, Jesus. Well yeah, Eldest kind of fills it out horizontally as well. I'm fat too.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Eldest. JP's not fat. You're just a cropped photo. Me and JP have the same body type, I would say. Ha ha ha. Similarly athletic, same bill probably. Luke Monez is somebody that you see and you're like what is going on up there? How are you getting oxygen?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he will really, I mean one time I saw him making himself into the door at a busy festival, he was just making himself into the doorway so people could pass around him. Broken like this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Excuse me, pardon me. He's like, I'm sorry for my existence. Yeah, I know.

But, you know, whatever. It's not about anything you do, Elvis. It's just like how easy life is for you. Don't blame me for how society is set up, man. I'm not blaming you, man. I picked myself up by my bootstraps. Okay? Because I'm a tall woman, every day that I go on, men are always like this.

That's so funny because in my head, you're not tall, but I guess it's you know, how tall are you? Okay, I really don't I see that. Yeah, and I'm like don't do the good posture thing. You look insane. Yeah It's so funny man. That is so yeah, that is hilarious. But yeah, no, that's the there's power I've said it multiple times there's power in just being as fucked up looking as possible and not caring Mm-hmm That is that's the real that's the real secret. You don't look fucked up though. Like you could be ugly You're not ugly. I mean like there are people that you're like, that's an ugly person Yeah, but you know, no one here is saying like that's the standard of beauty

No one's I was like, alright, yeah. Well, no one said that. No! Shut the fuck up! Both of you. No one said that. I know you guys are thinking. I know you're thinking, that guy's fucking hot and shit, that guy's a piece of ass.

But I'm really not. Sure, the hair's a little thin and he's a little overweight, but ooh la la. You're like, no, look, it's actually going if you look close. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, like, I actually, I know I have my hair long, but like up top it's a little thin. Hahahaha! Delusion is such a powerful tool, man. Ah, fuck, but anyway, let's do a little more biography of our friend John here.

You said you're from, you're from fucking Fargo, is that right? Yeah, North Dakota. Nice, dude. What's fucking, what's's the what are the vibes in North Dakota like? There's not like much or anything to do you like what how big is your high school? How big is the town that like thing? I think of my high school was like 600 the whole shebang Fargo is like the biggest the state of North Dakota population like 700,000 to 800. Oh wow Oh wow, fucking Baltimore's 650k. Fargo's big?

Yeah. There's a lot of people there? Well, Fargo is the biggest city. No, North Dakota itself is. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Fargo was like 200,000. So it was most, it was like the biggest. What did you do?

A lot of getting drunk in fields. Yeah, you get drunk. But I didn't drink in high school. Oh wow, you get drunk. But I didn't drink in high school. Oh wow, really? Fantasy football. You didn't drink in high school? Oh, that makes sense. Why not?

Why didn't you drink? My parents were teachers, you know? Okay. How did you- It was parents' rule. So you were a rule-following little boy? I don't know if I was rule-following. I just didn't drink.

Mm-hmm. What'd you do? What was the biggest thing you ever got in trouble for? He was from the local tribe you sweep that under the rug still up there. It's not really a little minority We just there's really nothing to do Isn't that where pills thrive though isn't that where like kids get fucked up and shit? Cuz I yes. Yeah, we had like a big mess, you know shit So we had the first fentanyl death in the country. Wow. We were like known for that.

CNN came and gave us a... That's literally what it was. Anderson Cooper, I think, came and he was like, we're at... And we're like, holy shit. It was crazy. Like the Wright brothers. It's like the first flight, the first fentanyl. This is going to take over America, folks.

And it started right here in beautiful North Dakota. Uh huh. I was like, yeah. They did meth, you had meth skinned people with meth scabs? A lot of meth scabs, a lot of trailers, you know, there was a trailer park. My buddy lived in the trailer park section so I would, you know, go there. You would go with the plebeians?

I kinda want a trailer. Yeah. Yeah, you would but I would say the the trailers in North Dakota, but you get some white trash, but it's mostly just like like immigrants It's like a lot of the African dudes Yeah, like Somalian You know, but they'd be like full suit That's so funny, Somali trailer park. That was just like a moat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. But they'd be in full suits.

Well, that's like in California, where you see so many Asians in Sam Fran, but they're dressed in Cali clothes. They're all decked out. That's not the same at all. It's really weird. It's odd. There's been Asian people in California for like,

what if my friend said, he goes, the Chinese just hit different in Cali. There's been a Chinese like population San Francisco since the 1800 We gotta get him out of there Like on the west like Vancouver. There's like I met a I met a girl who was like Chinese and it was like yeah her family had been here for like six generations. She was so much more like Canadian or North American than I was, you know what I mean? But it's like no one would raciously think that.

You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, San Francisco's a completely different thing. San Francisco's rough. Think of Somali, like Somali guys in fucking trailers is kind of funny. What do they do? And they're wearing like full suits and like biking.

Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. I don't know what they do. I've been trying to come up with I am the something now and I am the something now joke this whole time. That's even why I brought it up again being like, all right, you bring it up again, you're going to come up with it.

What is I am the something now? I am the captain now. There's like Somali. Oh, yeah. I am the and I'm trying to what's the white. I am the white trash now. I am the casserole now. Oh, no, Minnesota. I am. No, that's not that's not the way to go with it.

I wasn't going white trash. What did you say? I get the government assistance. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. That was racist. I'm sorry. It's okay. Well, it was kind of against white trash in a way. Yeah. Because you're saying

you're taking, they're taking their welfare. I got shadow banned on Instagram for saying the word white trash. What? Because you're saying if it's white trash, then what is black? Just normal trash or something. No, that's an insane leap of logic. It's no racist to say white trash. Swag, I'm sorry. It was racist against black people? They say white trash. Yeah, white trash is racist because you're saying that there are white people and then there's white trash, whereas black people,

they're just all trash. Who said that to you? No, I think all black people are rich. Yeah, yeah. There's no way an Instagram mod was like, by the way, here's the subtext of your. Look up, look up, why is white trash racist? And I Googled it and I think it was something like that. And you go on stormfront.org and it tells you.

Yeah. Why is white trash racist? That's so fucking stupid. Interesting. What was the joke? They were saying white trash. I was just saying I'm white trash. Oh yeah, you are.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure. Yeah. Well, isn't white trash. I was just saying I'm white trash. Oh, yeah, you are yeah. Yeah for sure Yeah, well isn't white trash just racist because you're calling a group of people trash No Is that why it's not racist towards white people is the what saying white trash is somehow racist towards black people Cuz it's just not at all it Google it Who? What website just because it's on the internet doesn't mean it's a thing. Why is it still okay to trash poor white people?

Okay. What is white trash? Stereotypes of economic conditions. There's no black people that will march to take away white trash. Also, it's like your example makes no fucking sense. I think it's saying like, because they're white people, and then if they're trashy then they're white whereas black people

I don't you can also be black trash that nobody says that though. Okay There's a couple other words You want to say that if you want to say we're more harsh to Minority poor people than we are white. That's one thing but Yesterday and he goes what's up white people and I just compulsively went I said the n-word today did you say that that was it you literally set up the context oh what a boy people I said the n-word and then he went yeah you're a white person yeah well what i said i said it to john about something i was talking about

oh why did you say the n word? oh i said it to him? no idea why. no i said it to john radnitsky about something about you're reminiscing about obama's election dude my grandpa did say about obama he was like, that's one smart n-word. And I was like, wow. Okay, cool Jordan. He didn't say that. He really liked Obama. He really did. I was like, wow, this is gross.

What's grandpa up to in the dirt? He's dead, yeah. Yeah, what'd he go from? I don't know. Oh, something, diabetes? Fat? He wasn't fat. He had something, diabetes? Fat? Fat grandpa? He wasn't fat, he had the old man diabetes where they just like take a foot and then they die.

Your body just decides what... Yeah. The diabetes where you get trench foot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The human body really is not meant to go... Yeah, my uncle's got that.

He's got trench foot? Well, now he's like amputated meant to go. Yeah, my uncle's got that. He's got trench foot. Well, now he's like amputated on the leg. Oh, fuck. But his nails, because my mom used to go over when he was like struggling and she would like clip his nails and stuff. Dude, they were like fucking.

Talons. The nails were big? The nails were like, it looked like, you know like when you take, like the diagram when you like take out fat from a human body and it's like a yellow blonde? No! That's what his nails look like. Oh, it looked good.

Wait, and he wasn't fat. He was kind of fat. He was fat. A little bit, yeah. He was fat. He didn't have like old, the grandpa diabetes. He had just fat guy diabetes. Grandpa diabetes is when they get scaly foot. Oh.

All of a sudden the foot is just dry. He smoked a lot. Yeah. He smoked a lot of smoke. But we've seen what you're talking about where we see the homeless people grow out of their shoes. The elephantitis looking shit. Or the barnacles. I just never thought the nails would get bigger, but I guess it makes sense. I just thought the nails would stay small and you'd get big fat clumps.

And it would just like wrap like a witch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Interesting, interesting. Damn, your mom had to tend to her diabetic brother's foot. Brother-in-law. Brother-in-law? Awful. Wow, why wasn't your dad doing it?

She liked it. Yeah, my mom is like, she likes being like, she likes helping people. Oh, that's nice. She's like a special ed teacher. Oh, okay. I like it too. My sister's dog,

it crawled around and into the foot and I pulled it out the other day. I could spend my life doing that you think that's equivalent to help Momentarily taking one nail off a dog. Yeah, it's the same as like giving up your free time The driest And having to get the grinder The angle grinder. Slakes hitting the face.

Inhale the dust. One time I was around a dog. Yeah. You're such a good person, Jordan. Damn, so did she do any other, did she make you do like volunteer work when you were a little kid? No. Wait, didn't you work in an old person's home?

Autism. I worked with autistic kids, but that was just, just you know he had to wrangle an autistic kid to the ground What'd he do? She what did she do big old bitch? Yeah? It was like this big old yeah, they were like huge and then you had to like learn holds to do on them Yeah, pin them down. That's your yeah, you're trying to get to MMA you can fucking work in a teenage Autistic fucking school Yeah, and then if you want to like learn like the fighting aspect that's like an old folks Did you see that video of like that like that woman like calling that black caretaker like the n-word She just like beats the fuck out of her Yeah, she has like dementia

Happens to me inevitably From the heart, okay, so this kid like got out It was like in a center right and then afterwards there was like a we would drop them off to their parents car That sounds so... Yeah, yeah, yeah. She got loose. She skipped her pen. It was like in a center, right? And then afterwards, we would drop them off to their parent's car. And I wasn't with this girl, but this girl had like two caretakers at a time because she'd get like aggressive. And then they thought she was having like a good day

and they like walked her out to her mom. And then she like started sprinting away from her and she ran into like oncoming traffic. And I just started like running after her because I was like, she's die like these cars are like driving and then they were like I like got like this close like to like you know I'd like very close and then they were like yelling at me they're like John she has a rock and I dude she turned she had like this huge boulder oh my god and she was like and just turning like threw it on the windshield of this dude's car

And it like shattered it and then I had I like the guy was driving or it was like pulled over No, he just like he like breaks cuz okay Just a girl in the middle of the street. She breaks. He's like what's going on and then just a boulder In the middle of the street, she breaks, he's like, what's going on? And then just a boulder, ahhhh! Like a boulder just hits his windshield. Boss, I'm so sorry, I promised I wouldn't be late again. But you're never gonna believe it. Really, really.

What, did another fat retard throw a rock at you? And sounds insane. I'm a little jealous of that story honestly. Imagine pulling that out at a slow dinner party well dude the funniest part was I like I had to like push her out of the street and I like got on top of her and like held her arms down because she was like going crazy and I just hear the guy like behind me like talking to the other people he's like what the fuck Yeah, I mean with no context that's insane Yeah, and then I heard them like exchanging like insurance behind me and she's like dude Okay, the craziest part was like actually this probably won't be the craziest part but we had to have like

three people on her cuz she was here yeah and we're like I had like the arms and this girl like had like her shoulders and then her hand like her hand like slipped on her shoulder and it went right in front of her mouth that she went Her own mouth Break skin Dude cops the wait ending was like these cops pulled up and you know like when there's like people that have been doing a job for a long time and they have pride in that job and they're like, I know how to do this.

We had like caretakers that were like, officers, we got it under control. She's in a routine basket hold with a side arm shove. Dude, dude. Dude, dude. hold with a side arm shove. What happened when she was giving it instructions? I had to kill them both. Yeah. Well, we like had all this traffic behind this car

and the cop just comes up. She's like, sir, we have this under control. And he just handcuffs her and she just immediately is calm. Wow. She was like, that's is calm That's crazy That's crazy to be defeated by a cop you've spent your whole life You're a special you've given your life to special education and like a guy who? Stop in India takes a club out pink

What's here? Goddamn dude, that's how old were you when this was going on? This is like Four years ago, okay, I was like 21. That was your job. You were like you were just working at the at the school Yeah, I did that before I moved to New York. I just worked there for like two years get you ready for the big Damn that's hell. That's fucking hilarious dude. How did you get, did you want to do this job? Did your mom hook it up? Was it for bits? Dude, if you work in like a school or like a thing and you're like young it's like a good paying job. Oh, right. True. You know what I mean? It's like you're like getting like government money.

Was there poop? Uh, yeah. Yeah, there was big ol' poop. You know what I mean? It's like, you're like getting like government money? Was there poop? Yeah. Yeah, there was big old poop. Dude, this kid one time, this kid was just like, he didn't talk, all he could do is go, boo, boo, boo. And then he just one time, he was like, he was like tall too, and he was like, boo. Uh oh.

And just shit all over the floor. Oh, he was wearing shorts? No, he didn't. He came down his pants? He would like take off his pants. Oh shit. And he was already pantsless. Oh fuck. And we were like, we didn't put it back on and then just shit all over the floor. But it wasn't like wet, it was just like the biggest...

A big turd. Big turd. That's better than wet. It's way better than wet. You don't want to get the mop out You don't want to get the mop out you'd rather I grew up with with shit in the courtroom every day of kindergarten Wow, it was incredible and we'd all was every day George George shit What's he up to these days I don't know he was very mentally challenged But I remember I love George. I loved him so much because it would disrupt the class We would all have to leave and he would be so like, you know when a dog shits and they get like a little stoked

Come on George. I need this George. He's like I got you. Always in the coat room and he'd wander in and he'd be like George. He'd be like. Well he's just like he was special ed obviously. Yeah yeah yeah totally. Good thing you didn't go to high school with him he could have talked you into raw dogging. Yeah.

It feels better. It feels so good don't you think George Don? I'm going to go to the coat room with you let me put it in your wallet. Can I come to the coat room with me? Good don't you think Jordan? Kindergarten class in that same courtroom. I remember this so well my friend was like can I French kiss you? Whoa, I was like I was like what's that and he was like it's kissing but it's with tongue and I was like Okay, but only on the cheek and he licked all the way up my face, and I remember being like French kissing is disgusting Wow that's crazy full circle who knows what the fuck's going on in that kids house I got I got I got a sneaking suspicion. Somebody not age appropriate might have asked him a very similar question.

Damn. He was in love with me and called the landline and left a message going, Near, far, where ever. And sang the whole song, but he called my mom's office downstairs. So I came downstairs and all my mom's contractors and construction guys were it's sitting around this thing Playing it and I was like is that Sean and they're like Love to lick your face sometime soon sometime soon. I'll see you in the courtroom next to Georgie.

Just break it off with George and we can be together, George. I want to try a new thing on you. Give me back up. Wow, maybe that's the origins of being embarrassed whenever somebody's shown affection towards you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because your first memory is just a bunch of lesbians and fat old guys laughing at you because a boy like Among themselves going I can't believe it. Yeah, I can't believe this girl's in trouble. That's so fucking why would anyone I

Wouldn't even fuck her. I'm a contractor. And she's a child. And I'm a pedophile. And I love fucking kids. Not for me though. Pass. There was a homeless person in Nashville that would always jerk off, like would always grab his dick like this through his pants whenever my friends would walk by and I'd be like, who is it? And they'd be like, that guy. And I'd be like who is it? They'd be like that guy and I'd be like dude. I see him every day Well, he would never grab his dick around me and I would tried so like I would like you slowly eat a banana Yeah

How long wait you lived in Nashville for a year? Yeah, I don't I don't remember that I would I'd started comedy Buffalo then did it in actual then moved here interesting the big three Wait I guess Buffalo's closer to upstate. Yeah. Yeah, and my friend lived there mmm, and then I was moving here and then my buddies and I sure were like just come here cuz Like my dad died all this shit happened and I was like, I'm gonna go did it I'm gonna go be a famous comedian. They're like your manic movie. Yes, probably good. Yeah, totally New York would have Filled the void. What jobs did you do before stand up?

I was a butcher. I was an organic bean farmer. I was a contractor obviously. Roofer. I was a bartender. What was your favorite cut of meat? Oh, I really a bartender. What was your favorite cut of meat? Oh, I really like pig cheek.

Cheek is good. Jowl? Yeah, really good. Shoulder's great. I know it's a popular cut. Pork shoulder. But it's a very flavorful cut. What did I eat the most of though?

I just always ate the leftovers, which were just the sausages every time. Just slightly sweet, a little bad, a little stale. Sure. But I liked cutting up the pig face. The face. What about beef, cuts of beef? Cuts of beef. I like the, you know what I actually love the most is liver.

Liver's good. Liver is so good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the. Very nutrient dense what's the one I'm thinking of the main one heart heart's actually good too

yeah yeah yeah yeah make a little beef heart taco tongue tongue I had the tongue I love the tongue lengua great tacos really good

I like tripe yeah I like a lot of I mean I'll never be a vegetarian but I love a lot of a lot of parts of I know I like the organs a lot Do you think it's like it's helping your organs? Yeah, I think it is good for you even killing or just like slaughtering animals like really numbed you to a lot of stuff

I didn't kill them. Yeah, but you just were Pulling them carving them up. Yeah. No, I don't think it numbed me because it was very Because it was very like locally sourced and they all had back massages and then were donated. You know, they were 100 years old and died in a field. Yeah, the cus. They died from nutting, they were really happy. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, I mean, I do, the only time I ever was like, damn, I feel bad about this is like. Veal. Yeah, veal for sure,, but even I went to a farm There was a locally there was like in Baltimore. There was like a place that was like We source all our shit locally all our meats whatever and I was dating somebody who she was a waitress at this place But it was like one of those you know this is like in the farm to table craze with this is probably like 2000 I Don't know what the fuck. This is like 15 years ago at this one. Jesus Christ. I'm old, bro It was that long ago. No, it wasn't it was ten years ago. Okay 11 either way

There's 11 years ago, but but she said she like took me they would like go to the they would take their staff to like see Because they wanted their staff like give speeches about where the food's coming from and she took me with her and I just like They had like some old ass pigs there. I just felt bad. I was like damn These these guys should be like grandfathered in like I don't want they're just like they're just big as fuck and they're like Smiling and I was like it's really fucked up pigs pig does make me feel a little bad because they are smart I do try and not eat pork and I usually don't and then I went to greet whenever I'm in Greece I'm like, I mean you're on meeting fucking Dude, I just do this wedding say pork out of a trash

It was from the wedding though, and it was so good, but it was the next why did you eat it out of the trash? Okay, is that a wedding couldn't it wasn't your buffet? You could just go get it in no They made it the night before and then the next day They're like I'm throwing out this pork will you take it out and I took it out and then this guy was walking by and I Was like I'm throwing out the pork from last night and I was like do you think it'd be weird and he's like if we ate A little bit and then we ate a little bit and I was it refrigerated. I don't I thought so They old leftovers isn't so bad I'm on your side yeah, if it was refrigerated Why would it be why would you refrigerate something you're gonna throw out?

I thought they were eating it as a meal and getting rid of it. I didn't think that it was yesterday's food, but it was. Because it'll go bad quick. Yeah. I think pig is the devil's food though. It's the thing that makes me the most sick and it's the thing that I feel the worst eating.

Tastes so good. I know, and it's so good. So pork belly, bro? It's so good. Like a big fat thick slab. Pork belly is bacon, right? Yeah, just the big ass cut of it. Yeah. So good. So pork belly, bro? It's so good. Like a big fat thick slab. Pork belly is bacon, right? Yeah, just a big ass cut of it. Yeah.

So good. Yeah. Sometimes in the poultry I would just, I would cut the, I would be like, oops, I cut your bacon too thick. And then I'd take it out. Nice. Staff it, staff that shit.

Yeah, good trick. Yeah, it was a great trick. I do that a lot. I got fired. Yeah. You got fired? Oh yeah, I've gotten fired from every job I've ever had except for my own business And you sort of did get fired from it because you didn't want to do it anymore

Yeah, like you stopped working when they're fired from job sites. Yeah You are probably such a bad employee I'm really bad I always just say I have meetings all morning I see I always just Say I have meetings all morning and then I work from one to six nice. Yeah, they're like, oh you have meetings cool I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I heard you do this fucking part-time messy. It doesn't matter to me Clean at the butcher place they'd be like no chicken on the thing with the cutting board. Oh, yeah I just know cross contamination cross contamination. Mm-hmm You know you do that that long though. Did you I did it here and in Ithaca? I did it up in Williamsburg when I first moved here took the bus every day from Bedstead to Williamsburg

Wow got fired from that. I always get fired because I make friends with everybody and I just talked the whole time Like I worked at a bakery in Bedstead and she was like, can I talk to you and I walked through the bakery and the restaurant everybody's like Jordan I was like what's up dad and we get the back and she's like you're too social you're fired and I was like yeah I'm so every customer I would have like a four hour what a dummy that's hilarious mm-hmm that's all right you don't have to have a real job anymore it's all given. You don't have to have a real job anymore It's all given us too many lifelong customers. It was crazy. They'd be in there forever, and I'd always have a buddy

Just like hanging out And I'd always try and fix something like that a refrigerator would stop working I'd be like I got it and I tear apart the whole thing and customers come in there's like screws everywhere I can't do this we have a guy who will take it out just cause your mom is a lesbian doesn't mean you can fix a fridge well I mean you are clearly have so much life experience Jordan I think it's time you know to use that to our listeners benefit

John you too you've done you know you've worked with the special needs which these are all pretty much what my fan base is. So we have, let's see what we got here. Question. Anything you'd like to plug here at the Midway Point gang? When does this come? September? September 9th. September 9th. September 9th, uh, just go to PunchUp.live slash Jordan Jensen for all my tour dates coming to Europe in March. Oh, in March, nice. Well, everybody keeps asking.

Yeah, but you don't make money, cause they fuck, you know, it's expensive and they tax you. I make no money. Yeah. It, it, it's... You gotta go as a kind of like a it's like a vacation almost I Got a good. Yeah, I'm just just look at it as it's fun Yeah, you know I went to the UK for the first time this summer. It was fucking cool, but you didn't make money I was people laugh I

Like it because it's harder because it's harder. It's like well also It's like you know you get to a point where your fans come out to see you and it's like not that hard it sucks. Yeah, I liked I didn't do any like serious I'm gonna go back for to the UK but I just like popped in on some shows and it was fun because You had to fuck and I did some shitty shows because I was like I miss this feeling yeah, I miss like Struggling strong. Yeah, I miss having to win them over. Yeah, that's fun You know But yeah, I think I'm gonna them over. Yeah. That's fun, you know? It's so fun.

But yeah, I think I'm gonna spend a little time in London next year for that exact reason and I'm also gonna do shows there and you know. It's also cool to be somewhere foreign where they speak English. Yeah. And not just they speak it as, like Amsterdam everybody speaks it

but it's like still feels foreign but like there it's like yeah, it's fucking English. You know, yeah you got an accent but who gives a fuck. And it really draws attention to the jokes that you have where you're like I can't see hinge or I can't say you know like oh, yeah, I shouldn't be saying this right It's another layer of like it's putting your stuff through another ringer. Yeah, we're trying to reach humanity not just exactly Yeah, I'm really excited too because I All right very brief comedy. We don't do comedy talk on the pod, it gets boring,

but very briefly I am interested in like, I'm working on my next hour just from scratch and I wanna start it in New York doing spots, like the good old days, and then it's like, then I'll do some shitty one-nighters to just kinda get the form together, then I'm gonna go on the road in America for like a long time, four months, whatever.

And by then it'll be, and then that's when I wanna like take a break, let it sit. Cause I find taking breaks from your material, like I was kinda mad after I recorded my special, I had like this weird little gap and I came back to it and I kinda took some stuff out and I added new stuff and I was like, this is better. But it's already recorded, I can't do shit about it now.

But I find when I take breaks from it, it lets it kinda sit, you realize what's actually good, some shit that you had an emotional attachment to when you come back with an analytical, colder. Yeah, you cut all the fat out because you're not like, they need to know exactly what this looked like. Yeah, you come back to it and you're like,

I don't even remember what it looked like. And now you're saying it, yeah, totally so then I want to take a little break then go to fucking Europe With that and like really put it through that and then maybe like another round of America, but anyway I'm excited. I'm just excited to actually do stand-up again But that's a good way to do it to have like a framework that it'll go through Yeah, I want I want to try doing that our Asia fear was like do not I was gonna record an hour And he was like, just stop. You have a brand new hour already.

You're really excited about it. You wanna get it recorded. But he's like, it will change so much. And even since him saying that, it's changed so much and gotten so much better. I think it's, I think putting stuff out there is over. I think the over-saturation thing, I think it's over-saturated.

I think getting anything out of it, it can still help some people, but I think it's better now to, I think getting anything out of it. You can still help some people, but like, I think it's better now to like, if you if you've established yourself in some way to actually make something good. Yeah, I had this whole hour that is like a full form thing. And then I just had 20 minutes that was about death and my dad. And I was like, this doesn't go in any way. So I just recorded that, put that out. Interesting. And now I have the hour piece that I'm very fine tuning.

But this was stuff that I'm like, his death was so long ago, I just wanna get it out and it's just called Death Trial, it's just about death. And that was fun to do, just be like, this isn't my baby, but this is important to me. I'm also interested in comedians who just have a lot of material. It didn't have to be an hour,

and they would kind of mix and match. I'm interested in that too, it doesn't have to be a clean. Anyway, all right were kind of mix and match. I'm excited I'm interested in that too. Like it didn't have to be a clean Anyway, all right time back in no more comedy talk Let's fucking find some guys who's cheating or as dick is dick smells bad or his wife's pussy stinks or something like that What do we got here eldest? Hey Sorry, did you John anything people to find you just Instagram John Henry Kennedy and sign up for my email list? Oh, yeah, and he's big on Twitter. Oh fresh on my game plan Twitter So they're like you said you said all that like you're like his aunt

Don't be shy plug your tweet Where don't your tweet don't be shy plug your tweet The other day Yeah, check that out. It'll be a little bit in the back. It'll be a while You know, it's probably a month from when you're listening to this but scroll back a bagel. Yeah keyword search bagel Sign up for my email list so I can go on the road, too Yeah, yeah, I guess that's kind of all I really care about. Yeah, there you go, buddy Calling mostly this is a call to be like am I a bad person? I know people call you all the time asking basically for permission to cheat right? I don't have that problem, but I am

fucking around with a married guy You know seems kind of not I Don't is it really that bad like I he's he's gonna do this so it's not really my fault I've known him for and known him and then have been fucking him for like eight years whoa so side bitch out different girlfriends but season side bitch and so let's go fuck me because I have nice big tinnies and Wife has really thought that relax anyway I guess you think I'll be the same thing you know. I don't know. How do you feel about that? I know I'll just make Mary so maybe you have a chill. I do you tell me you've never fucked a married guy I would never really of all the things you fucking

You would never you would like take a I don't like having sex with people unless I know that they're they will be with me Or at least let me manipulate them into being with me very interesting okay I thought one guy had a girlfriend she's upset about it yeah I get that finish let's finish this I guess you think I'll be the chef? Do you and Aldous? I don't know. How do you feel about that? I know Aldous is married so maybe he has an idea of just a huge piece of fucking garbage or I'm just taking me out to these I say companies. Anyway, thanks. Love you guys It's a Mersey bed behind this he just pulls it down. You have a wife. Why do I feel like she looks like Jessica Alba? Babe are you doing that podcast? She's a very beautiful woman.

She's too good for Eldis, of course. Just because she's a nice, caring person. But yeah, Eldis is married. He's been in a serious relationship for the last... But this is your side piece? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So okay, there's a couple elements to this call, I think. There is a weird thing of like,

there's a type of side bitch here who, she's been through a couple different administrations, she's been through a couple different girlfriends, and in a weird way, does have a relationship that predates This is very unhealthy. This is fucked up in fact Yeah, and then the we I was kind of with her as like I was at least not as judgmental until she kind of like Put down the wife which to me tells me there's some kind of weird Psychological you get off on cucking this woman

in a weird way. That, and look, it's not good to fuck someone who's married or has a relationship, right? Now, I will say, the blame is so much more on the person, right? Like, if I fuck someone who has a boyfriend, it's like, it's not really on me. I happen to be there, you know what I mean?

I'm like, no, how dare you? And then she's gonna be like, well, I guess I have to be faithful now. Someone's getting sucked off, might as well be me. She's gonna like just swipe left on you and you just go right behind you. So now, so there is, it's still wrong,'s it's the amount of wrong that I can kind of Whatever if it's like a fling type thing or if you just hook up with someone and you find out later

That's also happened to me where it's like I've hooked up with somebody that I found out they were dating someone It's like oh, that's weird, but I ultimately don't really give a fuck. I mean, that's kind of I feel a little bad But I don't fucking care She's been fucking him for eight years. That's what's fucked up here. It's also You more information. That's the problem. It sounds like you're no say he has big titties. Yeah Well, here's the thing. She also She does but this I mean she there's a Venn diagram here between her and Jordan of not respecting themselves.

Because this is, you're not, this guy doesn't fucking care about you. He's got a wife. And it's like, and- He doesn't even, he hasn't been in a long-term relationship that he's like on and off about, and you're the other person. He's like, he's shopping around while you're fucking him.

You've accepted this. You're the last option. And it's like, look, around. Yeah. Yeah, you're fucking him. You've accepted this You're the last option and it's like look if you're okay with that. That's one thing, but I have a hunch You're not really okay with that and even though like I have big titties that you have to put yourself you have to put the wife down to make yourself feel better when it's like I Hate to tell you this wife one. She's winning for sure. You think're winning, but he breaks up with her. She gets a nice fucking payday. He breaks up with you You got these dumb All you got is back problems and and gravity to contend with as you age You gotta ask yourself why

Does he want to just have sex and not? With me if you why been with him for eight years. Why am I okay with this? You know what I mean? Because she doesn't have to ask him that. She knows the answer. But she has herself, like why am I putting up with this is the thing, because it's like, that's kind of what's fucked up here.

She's a whore so she'll probably be like, because I like to have sex with him, we have great sex. And like, I don't care who he's with, I'm with other dudes too. But she's lying to yourself, your dad dudes too. But maybe it's not. You're lying to yourself. Your dad was a bad man and it's not your fault. Well, first of all, if he wasn't married,

it's not an issue. No woman likes having random sex just to know. It's not real. What are you talking about? It's not real. We all want forehead kisses and commitment for the rest of our life and any of us. You don't even want that

But you want someone to pull out a knife and make you suck his dick. Why where's the leather jacket? What the fuck are you talking about? You're so stupid I swear to God this weird this weird Conservative streak that you and Ian both break out sometimes is so fascinating two of the most non-conventional people It's biological women want commitment we want it That's not we want it Most people do Jordan But the problem here is that this girl doesn't respect herself is allowing herself to be in this fucked up situation and

Maybe she is okay with being in some kind of open relationship, but she that's not what's going on here She is being mistreated by this guy, and also he's kind of dragged her down to his depths because being in a prolonged cheating situation kind of makes you a piece of shit. You know what I mean? Even if she doesn't have that in her, even if she wouldn't have sought that out,

by allowing him to mistreat her, she's also kind of his accomplice in cheating on multiple women. So she, this guy has kind of made her worse in a way. But we can't speak to whether that's what she really wants. And look, you're probably right, right? I would say most people do want like some conventional shit.

But I can't speak to that. I just know you don't really want this. You don't want it to be, you don't want to be, do you want to be a side bitch forever? I don't think you do. So I just think you need to take some stock, really think about this. What are you getting out of this relationship?

Is the rest of your life, just no one else paying any attention to you? Because that's another thing, right? If she has, there is like, I know people who struggle in dating and allow themselves to be kind of mistreated men and women but particularly let's say women who aren't conventionally attract like society is tough on a Yes subpar looking woman. Yeah, I'm not saying that's what this woman is That's what this woman is. Tugly bitches?

Yeah. Yeah, not the best hand. And I'm not saying that's who this person is. She could just be a mentally ill hot woman. But either way, I think the bigger issue here is that you're allowing this to go on and that it's a little, I think it's a little fucked up for you. So yeah, good luck. Also, every time you tell yourself,

like, well, he keeps coming back to me, so in the long run I'll end up with him, which is what you're probably thinking. Just know that at some point he got out a ring with, like, tears in his eyes and proposed to another woman. Like, it's not like he was just like, I guess I'll marry this bitch, and then just, like, sneezed and they were married.

Like, he went out all... I don't know that that's even true. I know that you're right about the fact that his wife has more value to him, but this also could just be kind of a sociopath. Who's just like. He might be a sociopath, but he got multiple women to believe that they loved him,

which means that he's being very intimate with them. Like I think some women are like. I think some women are like, he's only being intimate with me and like it's all faking it with them. It's like not eight women are that stupid Like he's being very sweet and kind to them and all like he might he might be sweet and kind to her You know what I mean? He probably is sweet and kind to her

Yeah, I'm just saying when you're thinking about him being with other women you're probably imagining like oh he's with them But it's not the same way that it is with me. He is he is like me He is like kissing them on the forehead. He is like talking them in you know stupid to think that you think she's really convincing yourself of that. Yeah, is this a little projection? No, I'm gonna be doing that She's with him for eight years through fucking seven girlfriends. I mean she I mean you're right. She might be delusional She's is delusional the dick might just be good I mean personally if a girl like there's women who I've kind of checked in on and hooked up with throughout the years. I'm open for business for past hookups, you know what I mean?

Like we don't know how often, like has it really been, like how often have they seen each other? Right, on and off. But I know. Go ahead. Yeah, go crazy. Drink his beverage.

We have more beverages in the fridge too. Anyway, but I think ultimately, it's just a matter of she doesn't fucking, this is kind of weird for you. Let's even, let's leave the morality aside. Why are you letting yourself fucking do this? And if we don't leave the morality aside, even me who's pretty liberal about this stuff

thinks this is kind of a dickhead move. Every piece of advice should end with you asking yourself why. Yes. Yeah. And I don't think you've done that at all. Yeah, probably not. But that's okay, because now you still can. You still can.

Think about it, there's so much time to do stuff. I know. Still. There still is. And you have big tits. And you have big tits. Sounds pretty cool to me. And the pussy's probably pretty good if he keeps coming back just for I'm just doing

8 years multiple girlfriends, not bad Big tits nice piece of pussy. The world is your oyster Just kind of stop cucking this lady with little tits and kind of respect yourself a little more Next question elders. Okay, this one's pretty long. There's not a question per se. Okay. But I'm gonna- Love this. I'm gonna go for it. Okay, all right. Producer's exemption. You better not be wrong, Sula.

The transcription's not available either. You're on thin ice, Mr. Sula. I'll allow it, but you're on thin ice, counselor. Hi, Elders. Hi thin ice counselor. Hi Elvis, hi Stav, uh, love of contrast and Jess. I was wondering if you could help me see if I'm missing any red flags. So I met a guy online, we've been talking for about two months. He's great. Uh, however, I've got both protective friends and they think that, you know, I should be careful. So a little backstory for you. We met because I posted some erotica online

that's pretty popular and we started talking that way. We have all these things in common. We live a couple states away, so at some point I'm gonna fly out and see him and all my friends are saying, well, you know, don't go get your skin made into a lampshade and all that. And I just feel like sometimes you just have to be fresh. Sure, that classic.

It's fun. Okay, interesting. And I just feel like sometimes you just have to share that classic Okay, interesting so she met a guy online through her litter Otika post so she she a a horny reply guy She met a reply guy to her erotic fiction. Yeah, who lives a couple states away. Yeah, and she's saying her friends are saying Don't rush in and she said the phrase of course your skin turned into okay, so okay. Let's see what else is going on here They are a little bit paranoid because I was married to a narcissist that was also a murderer. Whoa! What the fuck? Ah! Wow, now we're talking by language.

How about this, lead with murder? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. His penis was small and he used it to fuck kids. Yeah. Yeah. I was with this guy that never did the dishes and he would decapitate old women.

Yeah. Do you see any red flags? I'm not. Holy fucking shit. Let's get the rest of this. All right, Elders. Good job. And I divorced him a couple years ago and went to, as you've planned, Rachel Feinstein for the hospital amount of therapy.

Sure. So I worked on myself and you know he was objectively terrible but you know you can't always blame it on the other person. Why did I feel like I had to stay in that and deserve that? So I didn't even kiss anyone for three and a half years. And then I came out on the other side to Ketamine therapy, EMDR, Mindful Self-Compassion Therapy, and kind of just decided I am losing monogamy and became ethically non-monogamous and joined a non-profit sex dungeon.

What? What? A non-profit sex dungeon. Wow. I think the work you did on yourself seems to be working. A non-profit sex dungeon. Wow. She became an elegant woman. The work you did on yourself seems to be working. Yeah. Yeah.

I figured it out though. Now I'm in a sex dungeon. It doesn't work. I don't get paid. And it's a fucking, and it's like honestly a step up. Your life's gotta be so bad when it's like, I'm a poly, I'm a poly, I'm a wench in a sex dungeon. And I hear that I'm like, hey, good for you sister. Yeah. I went to therapy and came out a poly. I'm a wench in a sex dungeon, and I hear that I'm like hey good for you sister

Therapy and came out a dominatrix Holy fuck the murder is she anyway, let's finish this cuz I'm a little hung up on he was What is happening she says like it was like I was with a finance guy. Yeah. I'm in my city and so that's been going great, you know, and I'm a great partner. Respect. You know, having great sex, but then I started having this guy and I realized I kind of do want to be more serious, you know. When I got divorced, I got a breast reduction with my ex's insurance

that he didn't want me to have so kids was great. I'm in the best shape in my life, I'm not stressed. I flew to Hawaii and took myself on my own honeymoon, I got a win on one and I got an engagement ring into a volcano so you know so it's going great but I actually think I like this guy and there's a lot of green flags he wants me to come up and see me on music if you want to print this guy in this crate I can get you an airbnb you don't have to stay with me and I feel like you know every time I talk to my friends and I like oh I just want you to get your, you know, bones made in the wind shined.

I'm like, guys, what are the odds that that's gonna happen again? You know what I mean? What, what happened with the fucking other guy? And how many- Yeah, who did you kill? How many examples of body decor do you have? You know, no, my toenails are in the mirror. Well, our friends are very creative people.

He's that little classic, don't want my eyeballs, making them into little cherries. Anyway my Tony has made of earrings. The old classic. You know, all my eyeballs. You know, all my little cherries. Anyway, my vagina's so shut. But the moral of this is, should I go to Iowa to say hi to him? I mean, how are you not gonna give us a little more background on the murder? Yeah, what is happening? And it's like, it's three minutes exactly, which means she talked until it ended.

Until it cut off, yeah. Yeah, because she talked until it cut off. Yeah, she could she thought until it cut off Yeah, I mean this is a fucking insane story and two crimes by the way a murder and a breast reduction two things I find morally objectionable like two murders Number will she answer? Maybe not I mean you that is she might be a candidate for a live show. We could try to set her up for a live show. Yeah, you guys won't be here, but I would love to know more about it.

I just want to know. Yeah, it's like... I don't even know what it's like. Did he get caught murdering? I mean, yeah, this is... So, okay. We're gonna have to just pack up murder and put it to the side. Let's just assume... Because there's just too much going on.

Let's just assume she was with a guy. It's an abusive relationship. She seems like violent. He killed somebody in like a gang thing. Sure. A separate thing. And now she's worried that the guy she's seeing is also a killer because he was in a literatica session.

Well, I think her friends also. First of all. Wait, why would she be worried he's a murderer?. I don't know she seemed to be really worried about it No, here's what I think I think you're close, but my read on the situation is She went through this bizarre life thing where I think she was probably dating somebody who was pretty like abuse slightly abusive And but was also hiding a very fucked up part of him from her. But everybody was like, we don't fuck with this guy, you should get out of it. He must have gotten caught.

Or something, right? Like, he must have, for her to just say he was a murderer. You don't just divorce a murderer, like, look, none of my business is what you do. I just want out, right? Murder should be immediate divorce yeah I have to go to the I know it's just so funny to think about that words yeah you have to I guess technically go through the divorce proceedings because he's not in jail maybe she's just like yeah he killed

someone but I'm not gonna say or she might what if this this could be insane he killed someone like before and she just accepted that's what I think actually is going on I think this bitch is a little crazy, right? Yeah, I think she was like he's reformed and I love him and yes, he killed somebody we use 17 This is Jordan from the future She finally like she goes the opposite of sex negative joins the sex dungeon Yeah gets dick for like a year and then like just fucking marry some guy some old guy All the freelance nonprofit sex undead is not real make money if you're gonna be doing that you're gonna be throwing on That's crazy

It's a safe space for fucking dorks to eat pussy and you know Fist each other and whatever they want to do dorks to eat pussy and you know, fist each other and whatever they want to do. No, go see this guy. Go. You want to tell volcanoes. It's nothing scarier. Yeah, I think, exactly, I think you're in the middle. So yes, as insane as everything you threw at us is, as insane as every detail in this story is, at its heart, this is a story of woman goes through a ugly breakup and is trying to start her life over Right meet somebody in a common set I mean comics that I know meet so many chucklefucks that just like DM them like yeah

I like this and now they're dating chucklefucks is a hooray. Don't sorry. Sorry. Sorry. It's like saying civilian Those are those are both insanely fucking here embarrassing terms.'re right you're right you're right so many so many say group Whatever just girls online whatever People who slide into the DMs that basically this dude slid into your DMs He's living your DMs because now you like him and this is the other thing Like I think also where her friends are coming from is most women I think are scared of meeting fucking strangers in the same city. Well they don't trust your judgement which is fair.

You should not trust your judgement. And statistically it is dangerous to do this right? Like unfortunately it is. I don't know what's the difference between meeting them in the Lower East Side? She's completely isolated in this fucking state she doesn't know it all you know what I mean It's a state there's Starbucks and shit all I'm saying is don't go to his hut right right and that's just saying she should get Your own Airbnb make it like a separate to have your own kind of trip set up meet him go on a date as if You live in the same city. Don't say like I'm gonna stay with you

Plan a little trip to his bullshit state get your own place even honestly bring a friend Yeah, exactly bring a friend get a nice fucking two-bedroom Airbnb Go on a date with this guy, and then if the fee and just like that's fine, right? But yeah, and then make your friend uncomfortable. Yeah violent Airbnb set your friend uncomfortable yeah violent Airbnb set yeah bring him over you know tie him up with a horse mask on yeah get the fucking the plague doctor beak mask put that in his ass while you fucking whatever fucking freak whatever shit you guys are into and then draw cartoon or whatever yeah and then draw hentai together you fucking weirdo explain more you're weird but we you been through a lot yeah and even

though your titties are smaller we still want you to succeed and say that but we know we can feel it she did say it it. I picked up on it. Oh, she did Murderers money. Yeah, which is funny. So funny. I miss dads or something. Yeah. Yeah, that's another it's every wrinkle could be its own What the fuck are you talking about? So anyway, but that's that's the long and the short of it I think go to this place, bring a buddy. If one of your friends is real, this is also how you can check your friends.

It's like, hey, do you guys actually give a fuck? Do you give a fuck enough to spend a weekend in Ohio? You know what I mean? Because then after that, they can't say shit to you if they don't take you up on it. Yeah, that's true. So yeah, get at your own place, go on a, get dinner. Do something, oh, by the way, the first hangout,

make it like a daytime hang. If you're gonna be there for a weekend, meet him at a fuckin' farmer's market, walk around, have a fuckin', you know, cronut. And then if the vibes are right, be like, this was fun, let's go get dinner tonight, right? Like, set up multiple easy ways for you to just kinda back out.

Also, talk on FaceTime. Like actually feel the vibe out a little bit. Phone, FaceTime. Just feel like you know the person a little bit. But yeah, there's nothing wrong with meeting somebody online. This is the world now. Like there's no, it's weird when people are like, I think we kind of are the generation where it's like

I have felt my own thinking kind of shift on it Where it's like just so many people meet their significant others online Yeah, it's like our lives happen online whether we like it or not. So it's like when I asked the crowd How did you meet? It's like half the time. I'm like basically asking which app right? It's crazy. Yeah It's so disturbing. Yeah, but that's what it is fucking. Ok Cupid wedding over there. That's how long ago. They've been dating Yeah That was like 2017 and even then it was on those last done

I remember mocking eldest for using okay, cute. He was he was in this but we were roommates at the time I remember him getting ready for his date with his wife and being like dude okay Cupid but you know he was proven right it was a fluke it was a fluke. Was it the first one you went on? What? Online date? Or okay Cupid? No. You went on a few? You were using no Cupid in Baltimore? Yeah I may have been on in Baltimore I was no I think I was like using tinder a lot more. He was yeah He was a tinder a tinder Lothario Was this your room when you guys were roommates? It was at one point. I also lived in that room. Yeah, I've lived in Every room, but this one and this is my podcast studio now

Yeah, but yeah, I'll just has gotten his dick sucked in this very room My wife feel the energy that's where you signed up for okay Cupid, right? The probably in that living room honestly my wife lived here when there's like five of us all together Yeah, she oh she held Eldis down while he had to deal with some family. We're married, but yeah I was like I had to like that's when you knew she was she was the one where she could be my roommate To help you out for three months You could tell at the end she was just like taking all her meals in here Basically turn this like into a studio I came in I was like a fucking couch

Basically turn this like into a studio. I came in I was like a fucking couch The what she did with the space was fucking phenomenal Anyway, all right. Well good luck to this the murder of things still is fucking hitting me over the head But I guess the only advice I have is good luck. Good luck. Good night and good luck Yeah, we should we should act get her on a fucking have you done that live calls? Yeah, we do like really yeah, they're fun Calls or live podcasts we call people in live and then we we don't you know We don't put it out live just in case they okay say something crazy. Yeah, but yeah, they're fun That's awesome. Yeah, you come back and do one of those

Hit us with some nice here eldest Hey, how's it going, Savi, Eldis, and a few guests. So a little bit about me is I'm 32, I'm married, my wife is 35, going to be 36, and I have a 12-year-old son. Thanks for explaining how numbers go. The issue I'm having is that I have a vasectomy and I got it roughly... Wait, what? Vasectomy. Nice, good ears. No, seven years ago. But I've been with my wife for six years and she knew I had a vasectomy when I got with her and we always keep having arguments because she wants a kid and she's getting older.

One note, the kid that he mentioned, he clarified it in another call. That was from a former wife. A previous relationship. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The problem is, is every year that goes by, getting the second year reversal, the chances go down. So,

when I'm trying to begin to an argument, it always ends up with me saying that, yeah, sure, I'll get it reversed or whatever. You know, I'm kicking that can down the road. Or whatever. All right. I was so on this guy's side because I thought it was like, look, I love you, but I got a vasectomy. I don't want any more kids. But now he's like, he's playing madden.

Well, I'm just kind of like toying with the love with the woman I ostensibly love. I'm kind of denying her one of the greatest joys in life because I don't feel like it. But anyway, whatever, I'll fill my balls with cum. I'll get it reversed or whatever. You know, I'm kicking that can down the road, but honestly, I don't want another kid and I don't want to hurt her feelings I've got I've got an advice to say Like I can go and act like I got it done, you know

go to my ball cut open or whatever and Act like I got it reversed and I really didn't because she's all about just the thoughts that I would do it and Tries for her is all that matters but if it does get reversed and I do have a kid like fuck I'm locked down for another 18 years and my son's already 12 you know I'm paying child support on that it's just there's a lot to it and I'm not sure how to go about it but I wouldn't be able to live with myself Faking that I got a second reversal and

Just looking at her every day her hope and everything. It was just kill me and eat me up inside So I'm not sure what advice you have for me And I would really appreciate it. Thank you You know what the advice Yeah, you know what the advice like this guy has the urgency the urgency his voice is like He's talking to fucking King Solomon. It's like a Road from the wife being like fuck me He's like look, please use one of your magic wishes on me Please change my wife's mind. Please make it so that I haven't been essentially lying to her

Permanently yeah like that urgency is just the guilt like the guilt coming home to roost He's like I'm thinking about like cutting off my dick and saying it was an accident coming home to roost he's like I'm thinking about like cutting off my dick and saying it was an accident I'm thinking of pouring molten lead on my dick and saying I got fucked up at a job site I'm gonna think about pretending to go to war and blow up my legs but I don't know do you think I should do that? You guys have any other advice? Anyway I love the special fuck this guy's hilarious man dude you just have to. Yeah, then you don't want a kid your options are so like

You have fucked up so bad not making this clear You had a vasectomy and a kid you had but here's what happened There was a moment where to you you didn't want to lose her So you just pretend it you lied to her her, so you just pretended you lied to her and said that you would consider, or maybe the time you, you were considering reversing your resectomy, right? But, exactly, I'm just giving you the benefit of the doubt.

But there was a time where being honest was risky to the relationship, and you decided you didn't want to lose her, so you were gonna lie. Or you thought it was risky, whatever. Who knows, if you had maybe, if you had just been open with her, maybe she didn't want to lose you. I mean, you had a pretty good point.

Child plus the surgery. If anyone is gonna be like, hey, I don't want kids, that's a guy who's got to really, that's somebody that you might be able to at least like have an argument for, right? But now, you've built a life together. I don't know how long have they been married. Did he say how long they've been married?

Mom married, my wife is 35, 12 year old son. Oh, I've been with my wife for six years. Six years. So he got them second right before they got together. Yeah, dude. You're just bitching out when you guys talk. She cries a whole bunch. You have to man up and say,

I don't want another kid and we can't be together. People break up over that. It sucks. Yeah, that's actually really true. The options are have the kid or get it reversed and just see what, maybe God's got your back and you just never knock your fucking wife up. She's getting kind of you know I mean like

But I just think This is tough man. You have to either have a like you either have to you have to be honest with your wife And just see what happens. That's the only way this relationship Succeeds here because otherwise your options are just reverse the mastectomy and kind of feel like you hate yourself and are a pushover. Or make the decision to reverse it and actually have a kid. And I get that what you're saying is like you have a 12

year old, you're six years away, but like, bro, you met her when she was 30, which is already, you know, not the, like, I know, science is whatever, but it's it's like every year gets harder to have a fucking kid and like You gotta tell her one way or the other if she wants you know She really wants something and you've kind of pretended you'd be into it It's it's fucked that you're I think what you're realizing is you've been fucked up to someone that you love and you feel really guilty about it and You got to decide man

Are you gonna just fucking have a kid with her like she wants or are you not gonna have kids? From where I'm sitting honestly Who gives a fuck she wants the kid you already have a kid one. He's 12. He'll be around He'll be a good, you know, it's like I don't know man So if you if if you have the thought we're like, I really don't want to have a kid But I don't want to tell her that I've been fucking her life up Just be like I thought about it long and hard and I realized now I don't only have a kid You don't have to go back

You don't be like I knew this the whole time and I fucked your life up Just saying you made the decision now because that way she won't yeah That's what I'm saying lie, but, but not as big of a lie. Not as big of a lie. Don't tell her that you knew this since you got together that you were going to fuck her day up. Yeah, I know what you're saying, but this isn't like, by not getting it reversed, he was basically saying,

I don't want to have a gig, by being like, oh, I'll do it later. Right. He was kind of, like, I know what you mean, but it's still like, hey, I really thought about it when I actually had to do it and I don't want to do it. Right. Right. Right. It doesn't really have a way out. Yeah. You know, he's just but his whole like lie was like, should I like spray mayonnaise in her and say it's like, dude, you got to do something.

Yeah. Yeah. Like lie to her. And also you should just have another kid. It's like, dude, you gotta do something truthful. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't lie to her. And also, you should just have another kid. What else you got going on? I don't think this man should have any children. You're a bad guy. You are not a good guy.

Well, he had the first kid he was pretty young. And she was six years ago, so your kid was six when she was with him. What does she want? She wants to be pregnant? Yeah, she might. I mean, I know what you mean, but some people want. she's like two years left. Let her go and find somebody else take one for the team Take care of your son who you obviously hate

Is nothing but a financial burden. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, this guy's probably not a great dad if he's already had a kid I convinced her no a kid I convince her no You don't want the kids standing right there The kids living with his mother Standing anywhere near him That I can talk to you sometimes yeah, I have a 12 year old pen pal that I have to buy two presents a year for Yeah, dude you have to just have this and here's the other here's the other thing you never know you could be truthful and she could be like I'm 36 do I really want to start over I love this guy can't like you know

what I mean like she might she might be like this sucks but I want to stay with you you know what I mean like you never know She won't cause you're a bad guy. She won't cause I would, if I was her I'd feel incredibly betrayed by you. But what you gotta do is be like, I've been thinking about this. I don't think I want a kid. That's how you go into it.

You don't go into it going, I've been lying to you for five years. At our wedding day I crossed my fingers. Yeah, don't. I know what you guys are saying. I wake up and stare at you at the foot of the bed while we're sleeping. I just feel like that's such a, like, tough cell.

Because it's not something that, it's like he already has a kid. What I would do is I would eat a bunch of mushrooms and be like, I had this huge awakening that I realized I really don't want to have a kid. I would make it seem like an event occurred where I was like, oh Suddenly or I killed I would be like I saw a kid die in the newspaper and it broke my heart so much that I can't possibly have it or like Trump winning the election or some I would blame it on like an event Well, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Well, that's what I would do That's what I would do on one side holes are not getting yeah that's

what dudes be saying they're like oh I don't want to have a kid in America like you live with eight guys in a party you're like okay yeah yeah you can come in me I'll just like take my baby we don't have to have a kid I wasn't asking for your comfort kid I would never do that I just wanted to take the condom off because I thought you'd have a better time Yeah, dude, I'm sorry the the chickens are coming home to roost here It's tough the summertime podcasts are tough yeah Yeah, dude.

You just kind of all of these are interesting things. But at the end of the day, what it comes down to is you have to fucking you just got to tell the truth here and say, you know what? I just can't see myself. He's 30. He's like, I can't see myself being like changing diapers. You know what I mean? in the next couple years. I've been through it and it's like, I just, and then see what happens, man. And she might be hurt and she might leave you,

but she will leave you. You know, she's been, to her credit, she's been clear about what she wants and you just haven't taken it seriously and that's on you. You might have to pay for it here by either having a kid or losing this person Sounds like you're a little scared of her. Yeah, I think this is like I mean I know this feeling I remember I got caught the first when I was in I was in like third grade and

There was a stretch where I was like telling my parents. I did all my homework at school and telling my Teachers I left my homework at home. And I was like, this is fucking genius. I could just do this forever. And then there was a parent teacher conference. They were both in the same room and I was like, oh no. I'm fucking, I have to.

In this situation, he's gonna be like, yeah, he fixed my vasectomy, I'm fixed. No I didn't. What are you talking about? No, you reversed it. Is that like a dinner somewhere? to be like yeah he fixed my vasectomy I'm fixed no I didn't yeah yeah yeah he just takes an exacto knife to his cock yeah I did a bad job anyway dude you know whatever again good luck you're pretty fucked here yeah you are but you have to decide what you want more you know wife. And the other thing is like, having a kid would almost be like,

yeah, you would just like, almost make up for being a fucking shit head. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would be kind of like a, and it's like, but if you really don't want a kid, then you just have to fucking get out of that relationship. It's selfish basically to be like, what I want is for her to give up on what she wants

and to just live the life I want her to live right you're a bad life a kid is a kid is anything other than you which I am for Her life with a liar And she's just like he says he's gonna reverse it, isn't he so committed? And he's like, fuck. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, dude, you know. You may be fucked, but you're never fucked

if you're telling the truth, at least. There we go. There we go. You can't really, cause then you're like talking to like a podcast, right? Yeah, you're just like sending in a voicemail, like what do I do? It's like, dude, just, you know you shouldn't be doing this.

I know. You know you shouldn't be doing this. I know. You know, you shouldn't be doing this. I know. The end of him being like, being like, if you have anything. What could we possibly come up with, man? This is a tough one. A pickle. I'm putting you in here. All right. What else we got here, Eldis? Do you want a water? Yeah. I'll grab a water. Grab some waters.

Yeah. Grab some waters. Hey, Sav. I am a 30-year-old married woman. I've been married for a few years. And I need your help. So I have a great sex life. Love my husband. Love sucking dick.

Love eating ass. Like, I do all that. With gusto. with gusto. But one thing that has become a problem for me lately is that I don't really enjoy making out anymore. I think I'm in a situation where like, I mean- Isra loves eating ass and sucking cock, which she doesn't like making out with her husband. What? I think I'm in a situation where like, I mean, she's like making out with her husband. What? I think I'm in a situation where like I'm in too deep

and I've forgotten just the simple pleasures of like just kissing someone. So my question for you is like, how do I make out? Cause I feel like I just straight up don't know how to do it anymore and also how do I enjoy it again just get back into you know enjoying all parts of the man like being sustainable mm-hmm another piece of this is that I'm about to start hot-wifing and I don't want to be like someone who is bad at making out. Wow. When I'm like, hitting people.

This is another beautiful turn. So any advice you have on making out, I would love to hear. Alright. Fuck, dude. Thank you. Bye. You're fucking, you're eldest night Shyamalan today, eldest. You've been hitting us with the twi- every call has had a twist at the end, bro

hot wifing is basically Getting fucked like your husband sending you off to get fucked and you come back and like tell him about all the cock you got It's a form of cocking It's where he doesn't see it doesn't see it. He just gets off on the fact that his wife's out being a whore Watch watch the scene in clueless where Paul wrote in Alicia Silverstone make out because it's a really good kiss scene Okay, and I'm not just saying that because it's she's kissing her stepbrother and that's what Classic Jordan stuff

Very Jordan's coded make out real good stuff. Very Jordan coded. Yeah watch movies so they make out real good. Can you show up? She basically says she just doesn't like kissing anymore which is like I don't even know how to kind of smoke weed. Weed helps. But what do you mean you like you're just sitting on the couch and sucking and you're like you know you're eating some Doritos and then you're like, oh, you don't work up to sucking dick. You just, I mean, I guess I could see pulling it out and sucking it every once in a while, but that is kind of the natural lead up to sex is like a little fucking smooch. Also, do you not like making out because you have a husband who wants you to go have sex with other men yeah yeah which is hurting your feelings there's a solution i might discuss her practice making out with your husband to get better

to get better for all those studs that are gonna fucking fill you up yeah that are gonna fucking uh just really get the tank up all the way to f. Your husband is very stupid. Yeah, yeah. She doesn't want to kiss me and she's like down to fuck other dudes. I don't know. I mean she sucks dick and eats ass with gusto. That's something. Yeah, you're a garbage person. That's crazy. Stop with the judgements. We're going for ass over mouth. You were just talking about fucking your step brother and shit like that. Relax.

Dude, at least I kept it in the family. That's a great point. No, you got me there. I mean, if you really want help in learning how to enjoy kissing again, you can't do what you're doing. It's like, you have to change your whole life if you wanna get better. You know what I mean?

You gotta slow down. Yeah, absolutely. Kissing starts with like no longer like fucking fifteen guys. Yeah, she's like, she's like, hey I I'm about to start dropping atomic bombs but I really wanna get into hand to hand combat.

It's like no, then you gotta start right back into base. You know what this is? This is like my, you know, try watching a porn without touching your dick for the first Right and it's things she's to like resensitize To catch you guys up. I'll just was going through a period of time where he would watch Pornography and not jack off for the first 10 minutes to kind of center himself sexually and not and not just like fiendishly Search through like a hundred

Him that's like Zen romance I'm seeing a little Be in the moment My real advice for this lady if I was her therapist therapist, is I'd be like, it's OK that you don't like kissing. You don't have to force it. If it comes back, it comes back and you can just be somebody who's like, I'm not really that into kissing.

It's totally fine. Just accept it. Because if you force it, it's going to feel weird and it's going to make it even worse. But there is something I just don't understand. Like, you don't like you just every time you're somebody with a voracious sexual appetite and you don't kiss there is something about that and I know you're wrong without though I love making out and eating ass is the worst

thing in the entire world she likes she makes up for it like you can be the hot smurf wife whatever it's called go hot wife where you go smurf the hot smurf where you paint yourself blue That guy will have a different makeout hot wife, but you're the ass-eating wife Which is amazing and you don't need to like kissing who's You like eating dudes? Right. I don't think the guys you're gonna suck off at the club Yeah, and then spit the jizz into your husband's mouth Keep the nut in your mouth the whole uber home and then spit it into his on his forehead when you get home

Yeah, I don't think those guys Do this that you're not gonna deep throat their fucking consoles. They're like I don't really want to taste my own ass Tongue his nuts in the bathroom But at the same time yeah, I would really love to delve into the hot wiping thing What's going on there? Yeah, and I know you joked, but is there something to that? Yeah, is there something to you have lost the tender connection to the romantic sex and it's all kind of like You know that kind of compulsive behavior I'd love to know the dynamics of her husband her and her like whose idea was this right?

It because I mean there are some real freaks out there that actually want Want their wives out there fucking inside? I just I don't get that That that kind of like that is what I get a little old-fashioned Where I'm like, what are we doing here? And this guy you don't even want to it's not even like a weird watch power thing like yeah I could at least sort of intellectually understand where it's like I'm Make it like she will do whatever I wanted the fact that she'll fuck this other guy in front of me But this is like, okay, honey. Here's your lunch. Here's

Here's your bag full of fucking condoms and plan B and fucking Spermocidal lube and then you send her off like I don't get it, but I'd love to know what the dynamics are and You know you say you have a great sex life Who is that you are you driving that great sex life. Who is that you? Are you driving that? What, like, there just seems to be something, especially if you're just about to start hot-wifing, and you haven't been out fucking other guys, and the kissing thing is purely between you and your husband,

to me, that means something is up with your relationship to your husband, personally. It's the most, andly, it is more intimate than eating someone's ass. It also sounds like you're taking something like Adderall or steroids or something, like with all the eating ass and the sucking. She doesn't have to be, relax.

No, there's something going on. We got some natural talent out there, Jordan. You gotta connect to nature. You gotta go back to your roots. You gotta go outside with your husband, laying the grass bury your pussy bury your pussy under some mulch for a little bit there's something going on yeah this whole story i'm like opiates are dangerous yeah and also i do think that uh you know

that your husband is a gay man yeah remember elders didn't we weren't we watching that couple that was into hot wiping for a while and then they was that mean It was that me and our boy big G I Don't what on social media no there was like a couple I mean, I guess it wasn't you mean my old roommate one of my other roommates We would watch a couple that was really into hot-wifing and it was like this bald guy who kind of looked like Johnny Sins and it was like this lady who was you know, kind of a hot inner 30s blonde lady, she was hot, whatever, and

it was like you know, there was a weird energy to it and then literally like nine videos in the guy was like, I have realized that I am gay. Oh no. Or like, I think it started with he came out as bisexual, and then it was like, he's gay, and then he's, and it's like, oh that's interesting. Yeah, because you want like, other people to fuck your wife.

Yeah. You wanna be like, how hard was his dick? You wanna smell other guy's dicks. Yeah, that's fucking. And then you want her to eat your ass. Yeah, you might be. You want her to put something in it. And it's like, the tongue will go in,

but you want something bigger in it. And from what I understand, from what I understand, they're not necessarily, I don't think those guys are fucking other women. It's one thing to be in an open relationship and kind of get off on your partner's conquests. Again, that's another thing I could intellectually see.

I'm not interested in that. And I do know that there are some women who have like a fucked up, like, my guy can fuck, you know, like they like that. Yeah. This, I guess that's the reverse of this, the male version of that, but it's like, that's not what's going on here.

This is just go get stuffed. He wants to, he's sending her on these work trips to go get fucked, like side quests, so he can have sex while you're gone with like a huge, huge orgy. That could be it. That's what I think. That's interesting. But anyway.

Because they're freaky. They are freaky, yeah. Do you think you're gone and he's not freaky? Maybe, I mean, some of these people, that is the dynamic. Like that is, that's what I find, I don't find, that's why, again, I don't understand it fully I just think that your body when you go to kiss your husband intellectually or subconsciously knows that you're like this dude is sending Me off to go get gang rape and then when you're off

I don't even want to kiss these guys because they're strangers You know like you might just your body knows that you're like I can not down There's nothing about this I know that you want me to get hurt You want me to tell you the story of it so you can jack off I think now I don't wouldn't go as extreme as you went But that I that is there is I do think the key to this kissing thing is in your relationship with your husband Because that's who you're kissing ostensibly unless you guys have opened it up in other ways And now you're just gonna add hot wiping to the mix, but there's more here

this also feels like someone make a couple notes of these people because I do think both the murder the Ex-wife of the murderer and this woman are both very interesting that we might need to follow up with on a live call. Yeah. Um, you got something fun to go on? I feel like we've been going for a while. I've lost track of time. Yeah, it's two hours, 10 minutes.

Oh, what the fuck? We've been crushing it. Holy shit. Um. Something's nice, short and sweet, eldest. Love you guys. This isn't a advice question, but it is a shout out to you and the pod. You're out here changing lives, mine specifically. This might not be the biggest deal, but it meant a lot to me. The recent episode with Diego Lopez and Michael

Bruski, there was that one caller that- Which one? Mike. Hilarious of thoseki. There was that one caller that... Which one? Mike. Hilarious of those two. Mike was the one you fucked when he was fatter recently. Fat. Tough. I'd been talking to a girl and then she just started kind of like dating away she was just kind of keeping them on the back bench or the back burner and then she he found out she was dating a girl or she was dating a girl but anyway you

specifically were talking about how walking away from that situation is the win you're not losing anything and that inspired me to finally cut the cord with the narcissistic relationship that I have been in in the vicious cycle for several, several months. So I am actually driving there now. Oh, well. And yeah. She's on her way to break up with her and she beats her to death. Also if you're on your way you're not breaking up. If you were like I called him, set it and blocked I'd believe you but you're driving there to be like I realized something and you're going to walk and be together for another year. I believe her. This girl got her life changed by Stavi's world.

What is the end here of this? Anything else? Good for you. And I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going

to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm going to go ahead and say She, this girl got her life changed by Stavi's World. What is the end here, Elvis? Anything else? Good for you.

And yeah, so again, that might not be the biggest call, but I just wanted to say. We hope you're all right. We hope you went through with it. Yeah. All right. Thank you. Well, I am your therapist.

I'm the world's therapist here at Stavisworld. Well, thank you to our guests. That was great guys. Thanks, Jordan. That was fun. I had a great time. I'm gonna pee. Yeah, we're done. We're done, baby. John, thank you, man.

Thanks. It's great having you, bro. Dude, I'm sweating so bad. I know. With the AC works out there. Anyway, that's gonna do it for us folks. See you next time. Bye bye.