Stavvy's World - #96 - Ahamed Weinberg

Episode Date: September 30, 2024

Ahamed Weinberg joins the pod to discuss growing up Jewish-Muslim, vegetarian rebellion in his teenage years, going on birthright, religious gurus, being a hippie soy boy as a child, and much more. Ahamed and Stav help callers including a guy whose ex from 20 years ago is stalking him and his wife, a guy looking to mislead a single mother he's dating into having a casual fling with him, and a woman with a very twisted dilemma. Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. Follow Twisted Tea: https://x.com/TwistedTea https://www.instagram.com/twistedtea/ https://www.snapchat.com/add/drinktwistedtea Follow Ahamed Weinberg: https://www.instagram.com/ahamedweinberg https://x.com/ahamedweinberg https://www.youtube.com/@TheAhamedweinberg    https://www.tiktok.com/@ahamedweinberg    Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Oh Welcome everybody to Stavis world 904 800 stuff call in Leave a voicemail will solve all your problems. We got our boy. Ahamed Weinberg on the couch. Yerp. What's up, dog? What's up, man? How we doing great? I just took a shit nice shit in my apartment. Yeah, but I respect that He's a visitor from out of town He's not someone who came straight from his apartment and then took a shit Ian finance and then fucking wouldn't apologize for his Absolute lapse in decorum, but we don't have to get into that Right now this is a man from Los Angeles

Who's you know he he didn't have a he didn't have a friendly toilet to lay his cheeks on but that's what we provided here And then I had to make a really tough choice because I had to piss before the podcast and I had to decide whether to follow Your shit or eldest is piss and I chose piss and boy was I wrong Eldest is meaty disgusting piss well. I said it about My second shit of the morning So Albanian he said he's shit it in there fucking idiot you fucking troglodyte I know, that's the funniest word possible. That's so stupid dude, that's the dumbest thing you could possibly say. But that makes a lot of sense that you shit in there 40 minutes ago.

Because honestly, you were all saying you're a vegetarian compared to how unhealthy Eldis is. I should have just followed your shit. I'm a pescatarian, so there's a little of the the fish sent come What did you have recently any fish? What was your last meal my last meal that was pizza pizza? Yeah, okay? I'm a visitor. I just go get see so pizza though if you go if you go hard enough on the dairy Yeah, it can be bad. I can be bad you could have some some tough shits But a fat piss can still be really atrocious. I've pissed sometimes where I'm like, how does this smell this bad? Yeah, where it smells like you're opening up a can of dog food

Like that first puncture of a can of canned meat. It's like How stale is this piss by By the way in here your uh bidet thing. Mm-hmm. It's so nice. It's beautiful. Isn't it? You sit down and it's It's warm, but it's not another human's warmth. It's a robot's warmth and it starts I don't know what it's doing. But as soon as you sit down it starts making sounds. I think it's calibrating for your asshole specifically It's like clear at the airport How it scans your eyeball? You have to scan your ring so it knows each fold of your hole and it can clean in there just nice. No we're not there yet but soon. It'll be yeah that's the future of toilets. That's the only thing where I'm like that doesn't scare me about the future. I will give up every civil liberty to have an incredibly clean asshole. Like usually I'm weird like with with security and privacy shit. I feel like I behave the way my friends who think recycling is going to do anything. You know what I mean? When

you meet these friends, they're like, we have to recycle. It's like it's all good. It's not working. And that's how I'm about privacy where I'm like, no, we can't buy that doorbell camera. They steal your data. It's like everyone steals your fucking day. Yeah, but in my head. I'm like I don't care I have to like do something right yeah having said that yeah if I could Biometrically scan my ass and give it to the fucking CIA to get the best Give it to like a private company imagine every toilet you sit on it scans your ass Knows exactly what to like a private company. Imagine every toilet you sit on. It scans your asshole. Scans your asshole. Cleanse it.

It knows exactly what you want. It cleans it like a whistle. Clean as a whistle when you get out there. Comes out fresh and dry. Great. I'm so bidet. And I'm shocked that you're anti-bidet, Elders. Is that true?

I was pro-bidet for the longest time. Then I got a UTI that I'm pretty- Don't blame the bidet. Do not blame the bidet do not blame the bidet a lot going on there's your fat eyes a year yeah I am pretty and I was especially unhealthy when this happened you also don't shower ever you go seven you'll go legitimately three days without shower time. I was not shower Traveling a lot of a lot of You're in a hotel with nothing to do for like four hours when we travel there's plenty of opportunity to show you're in a room Next to a shower you fucking bidet is gonna clean you that's not

Let me tell you how he's thinking this guy's like these showers are making me filthy He thinks the shit particles got into his dick. That's what he thinks yes Day, I think so your dick is too small for that to even be on the table I think the toilet I was on the seat was like extra small for my big ass So that's part of it. That's way more the culprit than the bidet. I think the bidet brand also didn't help. I've used other bidets with much more precise streams. What was this? This was just a free for all,

like spraying from every angle. Yeah, he calls the bidet, he makes his wife hose his ass down. He makes his wife stand on the fire escape and hose his ass down while he spreads his cheeks over the bathroom bathroom over the toilet But ever ever ever since this UTI That's you're blaming one subpar bidet

Don't you I don't hear a bad word about my I have look the point the point is now I like I don't want to expose myself as part of the 1% But that is not a cheap bidet pal. I am actually, it's the one thing I'm embarrassed about how much it costs. I've been scared to use any bidet since and I just shower more instead now. The part that worries me. I guess that's a silver lining.

That bidet worries me because it has a remote control. Which I'm a little worried about. The cleanliness of the remote. You know what I mean? But, but. Because we're not thinking about that. Here's the thing, you're not using your hands. You're not using your hands to wipe your ass.

That's true. You come out there with clean hands. That's what, the clean hands use the thing. And sure, you gotta take one wipe to get some of the excess moisture out. Not me. Nice, love that. Just leave it wet. Yeah, get sopping.

Pre-lubed up with shit water. That is a good point, the bidet, that is not a, that is a good point point, but you know we clean that we give it a Clorox wipe you clean the remote I'll clean the remote. I bet the remote for the bidet is cleaner than your TV remote. Yeah, that's probably true scanned it That's probably true this eldest touches my TV remote. That's the big issue. Give me a break This guy eats a meal the remote is all greasy five minutes later. That's not asshole fucking dirt. I didn't say anything about buffalo wing dirt. Also like remotes are, like when men are alone watching TV, it's like the dirtiest we are.

That's true. You're scratching your dick. Oh, you're jerking off even. Who amongst us hasn't had a nice couch jerk one left to their own devices I know you have eldest Hamed I don't know have you jerked off on the couch by yourself on my couch on your carrier couch Well, you just got here That would be an alternative like I show up and I'm like hey man I got a jerk off real quick.

Hey man is it cool if I jerk off really fast? Yeah. And I'm like sure man I just got a new jerk chamber. That's the future Kamala wants. That's so true. That's what I want to talk about today. Thank you I'm sorry. On September 11th.

Yeah. Well it's probably September 27th. It's September 30th actually. Oh sorry sorry. You looked at the wrong calendar I actually don't have any Man So when did you start how long you've been going veggie for my whole life my whole life my parents are vegetarians And your parent I mean we you know you met my dad. I met your dad. He loves you great guy

Big fan of of your pop your dad like ruined my day one time my dad Sorry, my dad ruined my day some time one day cuz I we went and saw yeah you can show in North Philly in a basement and he's always critical of my stand up in the most precise... That's so interesting. I can't even fathom a world where my parents even understand stand up comedy let alone being critical of it. Right. Well, I mean, I live in LA and my parents are here so when I visit and our time is short I'm like, hey come to my show.

Philly or New York? Well if I'm in New York they usually come visit. Gotcha, come visit. Yeah, but they're on the East Coast. They're on the East Coast. So my dad will come and see me do stand up and we'll leave and he'll be like, you know, the other comics seem to have like a plan. That's so funny. Hurts so deeply hurt so yes of course and there and I'm like I'm just

working on stuff and he's like don't you feel bad for them that you're just like like don't you feel like you're you know it's not respectful to just kind of so funny wing it but yeah we saw you and he was like man that guy fucking that guy's great In a fucking basement in North Philly, yeah, I'll take it I'll take it pops Yeah, I mean it's it's so interesting to get I can't imagine getting like fatherly disappointment in stand-up It's the art form you go to to get away from that. You know what I mean? Like yeah where it's like like I'm so far away from something my father could ever like critique I mean he also doesn't understand English that well like that's part of it like he'll get a dick joke you know what I mean he'll get like a couple things will cut

through but there's plenty I'll say if he came to see me actually I didn't watch his face when he was there and I my guess is my dad probably would understand with no hitch 45% of my act and the other parties just like kind of along for the vibes kind of thing who's Elon Musk yeah my dad has no idea the references probably his he's just hanging with his boys at the coffee shop My dad was in LA for two weeks staying with me. So we really brod out. That's interesting. It was really cool Are you how many do you have any siblings? I have a sister. Yeah, sister. Yeah younger sister. She's in Philly

She's like a barber cool. She's a cool. Yeah normal person cool alt barber. She's got tats. She's got tats Yeah, yeah, she's awesome. She's got tax. She's got tats. Yes. Yeah, she's awesome she like doesn't consider herself as Muslim or religious as me and yeah Living a normal life and yeah, so you're she doesn't have the same all the hangar Rossi's well your parents sort of doomed you to if you if you're a neurotic person It's like you there's so much going on with like because your dad was like I love the story of your dad is a Jew or born Jewish

converted to Islam right converted to Islam, but it's like Sufism. Do you know about that? It's like mystical Wow cool like hippie Muslim There's a lot of Jews who became Su that makes that makes that's interesting Jews are cool And yeah, these are cool and you know, like the pipeline is pretty good. Yeah yeah, you know, but this was in the 70s and You know, they're a lot of not see how things were gonna go Boy, did he not pick right?

He's like he's just smoking weed in a VW bug. He's like I'm gonna do something cool That's gonna appear counter-cultural in the future and will have no other repercussions on how people view me. I know, and now it's like. He literally thought he would be looked at like a guy who loves fish. And now people are like, he's fucking Muslim. It was the Grateful Dead

Totally I could absolutely see that being like if you're an extreme jam band guy who wants to take it one step further You're like, I'm a Sufi Muslim I mean the sobriety of it was very appealing to him I grew up in like a real hippie household music doing like like psychedelics at a young age And he grew up in a hippie household or he was doing like psychedelics at a young age. He grew up in a hippie household or he was a hippie in like a rebellious way? No, his mom was a hippie. Wow. Yeah.

Wow. That's so interesting. I mean, his parents split. Like my dad, my grandfather on my dad's side was not as much of a hippie as my grandmother. Yeah. He was a little unencumbered pussy on summer vacation. My man went to a couple fucking concerts, got blown a little bit. He was like, all right, I gotta get out of here.

After a while. Come on, man. Well, okay, my grandmother wasn't a hippie when they were together. They're from Brooklyn. I see, I see, I see. And they were both just like Jews and my grandmother got caught up in that world. Gotcha, gotcha. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't like they met at a Grateful Dead. I see, I see, I see. But my grandmother did become- But she had it in her. She did. She had it in her. Yeah. No, she started,

after the divorce, she moved to like Cambridge outside of Boston and then she became like a real hippie dated this guy Gandalf I met this guy that's it's so interesting to think of like being from two generations of hippies and like yeah you're meeting your grandmother's boyfriend Gandalf yeah that's awesome I did meet him and he looked like a wizard fuck yes and he had a staff and wow staff was like covered in trash and there in Cambridge isn't that we're fucking Harvard is Yeah, but out Cambridge was like big hippie just a kid. Okay college town. Okay. Yeah. Okay interesting Yeah, so was Kate was Gandalf like your father your step-grandfather

No later in the mix way. I mean they were together and then my grandmother, you know, my dad moved to Philly gotcha There's a guru that he got like kind of involved with and cult you mean no no No, no like a traditional if like if you know about Sufism is this just means priest Well, it's a it's more than that you know it's like a writer is definitely more than but you know the fuck I'm saying it's a priest it's like their guy right well they know in Islam like an Imam is a priest I see so shake a guru guru is the wrong word guru has all these implications yes yes the real word is shake I got you so it's not yeah it's not like you know in the 70s there are

million gurus right people of this kind of ilk but this guy's like a shake which is a more traditional thing sure sure sure sure sure who's like it's just a very like learned wise man so he's like a scholar that people would go to but he doesn't like lead Prayer sessions like a like a priest or any mom would is that we say no he wouldn't lead the prayers He's just like a bit like a religious scholar the why go to for like advice and shit Yes, interesting almost like one-on-one sessions Yeah, but he would do it one-on-one or you know there there are people like groups that would you know, he would talk be congregate He would maybe give sermons about religions kind of like I don't know a fucking priest

Okay Okay, but Stature sure to a pope I see I see a bishop maybe or higher higher up Okay, higher than a gotcha gotcha gotcha. Not your common priest You're like trying to trap me in a corner, I know it is the most semantic argument that we're not even disagreeing. I'm just like, come on, it's a fucking priest. That's what a fucking priest might be a good, a better priest or whatever. But OK, whatever. He's a little bit more than a priest, I guess.

But he just got into this kind of this is very interesting, too. So were your grandparents together most of your dad's life or was it like they know it was young when they got you And he grew up in the hippie kind of zone Yeah, and what would grandpop just do you go second family without oh, he went second family He went he moved to me took a mulligan became a Buddhist Wow Yeah, so he was like this fucking hippie shits too much for me. I'm going to Maine to be a Buddhist That's so interesting he's like I don't want to listen to this priest Yeah, he built a Zen like dojo up there

I fuck got really into Buddhism and that's your dad's side. What's mom's side like? Because you're talking about your dad's side, it's like both grandparents are fucking, are kind of strange. Yeah. And they were just like, you said Brooklyn Jews, like they were first generation, second generation immigrants that just were like, too much of the shit?

I don't know what generation. I know that my, so my grandfather, my dad's side was a, worked in film. He was like a prop master Oh cool interest. That's fascinating. Yeah, so I've got that in me. Yeah He was cool. Do he like he was a legit prop master and worked on like a bunch of famous movies. Yeah Probably made some racist props, huh? We're talking the 30s 40s Some fucking hilarious stuff.

And some good ones too. He also made soap float in a couple commercials and things like that. I think he worked on The Godfather. I think he was... Whoa, that's sick. I know he worked on Annie Hall. That's awesome. Maybe he did the cocaine that...

Maybe that was the powder. Maybe he brought powdered sugar for Woody Allen to sneeze cocaine. Maybe he had to procure real cocaine. Yeah That's pretty interesting cool stories, yeah Yeah, what's he up to can we zoom him in? He's up there with a second wife just showed I would legitimately love to have your grandfather I'm not kidding. I would love tell your grandfather this Like all of us at dinner and they're like God's Savi such a great comic

It just goes up there is no idea what the fuck he's doing, which, by the way, it's hilarious to have that criticism of you. And it's like the show your dad saw was like, I had just gone back from Greece. I think I was in the middle of a breakup. I was definitely just doing bullshit. I was definitely just crowd work getting better than my bullshit.

The thing that I had a plan is fucking hilarious yeah oh boy I got some gigs coming up oh you're gonna be tough I don't know what the fuck I'm gonna do yeah I haven't written but anyway this is not a we don't discuss pro this ain't the same Marin this ain't talking about the crap no this is back to your weird grandparents which are fascinating this is it's super fascinating to me because. Yeah, that's so much interesting divergence in like a pretty short amount of time.

We're talking like this up until then, they put everyone. And it's so fascinating because you'd love to be able to go back a couple more generations and be like, were those people rebelling at all? You know what I mean? because it's clearly in yeah It seems like it's in your DNA almost to have it be for them I mean it must been so hard to be I mean just being a prop master probably as a young man Coming out of like a I'm guessing kind of traditional immigrant community. That's probably a weird I think job was always like an artist and wanted to be an artist and he is an artist

I mean he's a great artist, but yeah the prop stuff was always like an artist and wanted to be an artist. Gotcha, yeah. And he is an artist. I mean he's a great artist, but the prop stuff was just like money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it made it like, yeah, he could have a family and all that stuff. Interesting. Yeah, there's some good prop stories. And then what about your mom's side? Anything strange?

Are they regular? No. No, they're not regular either? Well, I mean my mom's from Irish Catholic 10 children. Wow My grandfather on that side was in the military gotcha and he was in the Air Force He was in like, what are they called the Flying Tigers like a pretty famous World War two. That's awesome Planes in World War two. Yeah his jacket his his flying jacket is in our closet

That's inside lining is like a map of China Wow Casey went down. He would have like Yeah, she was just doing like missions across in Asia basically I don't know like all the details of like his whole like World War two flying tigers eldest yeah a little fucking do a little fucking producing This guy's got the dirtiest ass Three fighter squadrons around 30 aircraft each The first American volunteer group of the Republic of China Air Force also he was helping the Chinese interesting and then fucking recruited under

president for before Pearl Harbor their mission was to bomb Japan and defend the Republic of China interesting that's pretty fucking cool mmm so did he was he in China? I guess I guess So you're pretty close to this part of the family. I Never met him or maybe I did when I was really young but yeah, my mom's older than my dad So they're her parents died before yeah. Yeah, I didn't really know them very well. Okay, your mom's older than you did Yeah, I was older. Sure. Dad's fucking cool, dude Yeah, getting getting an older lady being fucking like cool Muslim He's on some weird shit. I love it dude. He's breaking every societal norm. Yeah, he did enough acid when he was a kid

Live a crazy yeah, yeah that now he's like, I don't know what I did Yeah, you know, whatever he had a good time. Yeah. Yeah, that's how people who live regular lives feel, right? Like everyone has that thing thought process anyone after enough years of marriage is just like With all these responsibility And like debt, like all of it. I know, you just wake up and you're like, fuck, I have to make this many decisions every, like I feel that way, I have no responsibilities.

Yeah, you're recording this in your house. Yeah, yeah, how did this happen? This is your job. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Damn, that's, and so they were just like, so they just, they were like, you're gonna be, and was your mom on any kind of mystical shit, or was she just like?

Yeah, that's how they met. Oh wow Yeah, my mom, you know one of ten children Irish Catholic and then like I think was very religious But did not like Catholicism. Mm-hmm at the end of the day. So she was like She was a hippie also, but in a much more like less druggy like more into like health food and stuff like that How she feel about vaccines? Much more like less druggy like more into like health food and stuff like that How she feel about vaccines? Yeah, I know I love that aspect of the pandemic brought like hippies and fucking drummers and the trumper Together from completely different angles, but to the hippie to hippies like credit. They've been on it. they've been against that shit they've already on it yeah no my mom my mom has breast cancer and she's

been doing alternative so I was Steve job shit yeah like she's she's into that yeah you know and she was in LA for a long time and we would go to this like cool like new age cancer treatment center in Irvine and this was like Trump people. Wow. You know, who are anti-vax, anti-this, anti-that and she's the first Muslim they've ever met. Interesting. In their lives. I think she completely changed their perspectives on Islam. Yeah, well that's not that's who you want to send. Yeah, a Catholic lady who switched up like yeah who switched up late like your mom whose mom like a blonde lady. What does she look like? No, she's I mean she wears a hijab. Oh wow. Yeah. Yeah, she's real. She's like

real hardcore. More than your dad would you say? Way more than my dad. My dad's a Jew, really, at his heart. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. So my mom's like a Catholic Muslim. Right, you take Catholicism and apply it to... Yeah. Yeah, I mean Catholics and Muslims are pretty similar. Yeah, and they're like strictness. Yeah.

And then my dad's like this Jew-y Muslim where it's like, you know, I don't even know about this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your dad made this decision on acid like to follow this not on acid But close enough right after in the in the aftershock of like maybe six years of heavy acid use I don't yeah, sorry Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, my mom get it though. My mom made it very sober totally and she's like I do feel like the Catholic people who I know and they're like Jewish people that I know if like unless they're like Orthodox or something Jews are that's one of the biggest selling points of Judaism

Yeah, pretty chill. Oh, yeah, pretty not even know hell no hell no hell They're like, oh even the religious ones where they're like you're not supposed to use electricity on shot You know Shabas or whatever. They're like, I will just hire a guy to turn the TV on like it's like come on God doesn't fucking see through that little loophole You hired a fucking Mexican guy to press start on your fucking DVR so you can watch Curb whatever the fuck like they hire a guy and then they're like, hey, can you order Postmates? curb or whatever the fuck like that. They hire a guy and then they're like, hey, can you order Postmates for us for a little bit?

Yeah, yeah. Like, there's like a thousand loopholes. There's so many weird hilarious loopholes. And you're not supposed to eat like meat and dairy. And then they came up with lox and dairy. It's like, okay. Thank God, cause it's delicious, but. But even from the start, there's a million,

they're like, well, just have two different plates. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? yeah yeah so many even though they'll do even the ones that follow the rules is fine loopholes salute but yes that's very interesting so wow they just are like all right that I mean you want a white lady in a job to be like yeah to be down there and be like yeah I don't like these faxes either yeah no like Wow, we didn't know Muslim was yeah also. Yeah, it could be so smart Smart as us

Wow, that's fascinating. Yeah. Wow. And so and they and they're both vegetarian, huh? Yeah. Well, they're past their pastor Oh Wow, they go to him for counsel on his diet too. Definitely not a priest doesn't sound like some different type of guy. Well he was I mean the whole thing was like very communal and like there was a lot of food being cooked for everyone and stuff like that so he's he's from Sri Lanka cool, and he's like very into like the Hindu diet that kind of stuff so Yeah, I grew up vegetarian

From from with the jump you don't you don't remember a time where there was ever meat served at home or anything No, nowhere close, and we would we wouldn't eat at restaurants that serve pork Wow Like we if there was pork in the oven we were like no see you had to go to halal places or even sure places we have the funny part is we were so Like this type of thing that we had to like support Israel like we were We would literally go to this place called shalom pizza We're like everything's from Israel, and we were just like it went so far in the opposite totally at some point yeah yeah I mean in Philly is that cuz you were Philly yeah cuz I feel like this I mean here

this neighborhood in particular is like a hundred halal I just passed the Gaza deli yeah yeah yeah brand no dude there's a line of white people outside yeah oh believe me the fun there's some line of white people outside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, believe me, the fun. There's some shit. This neighborhood is, let's just say this neighborhood does not share the views of the mainstream media. We'll put it that way. Which I love about. I know.

I love it. I love about New York. After October 7th being in LA, it was like, oh my god. Yeah. This is Israel. Yeah, yeah this is Israel yeah yeah yeah well this I mean it truly this neighborhood is like do we just let me some of the best there's a ton of different Middle Eastern like cultures here and like also the restaurants are out of control but yeah over there they call like legit

call it little Egypt if you go that way you know and there's some good food there's some good food no no hog brother. Dude, I love it. What was your favorite dish? What's like junk food as a little kid? Oh my God, this is like embarrassing. Please. I'm like legitimately just a soy boy. Yeah.

From like, from the get. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like, you know, I would eat all this Indian food and all these curries and stuff And then I love this Israeli pizza place. Yeah I loved eating raw tofu It was Embarrassing yeah, then raw tofu even when kids are just like yeah, I eat shit

Yeah, they were like you I play noodles with just butter play noodles. I see plain noodles with ketchup Yeah, I had a weird ketchup like your session. Yeah, and I would eat raw tofu with ketchup interest I'll show gross, but I also loved you know pizza. Yeah But my yeah, I guess that's true because I guess I'm thinking as a little kid It's not like meat was that I mean, I loved Lambs, I mean, this is the most Greek shit I think I've said this on the podcast but what I a baby with the first baby videos me My parents took was like I had one top tooth one bottom tooth and I was eating a lamb chop off the bone I couldn't talk but I was like

Eating lamb chops like not little cut up pieces. My parents handed me a lamb chop, but I was your first word was I fucking loved them, but I guess as a little kid Where'd you go? It is carby stuff Baltimore. Okay. We were right there, bro Yeah, all three of us were we didn't know it man. We could have been hanging out having fucking I remember eldest showed me the the the get the the butter and sugar Sandwiches a true a true broke-ass treat in hot dog buns That I would there's a phase. I did cream cheese and cream cheese

Yeah, yeah, it was nice. I was poor, but eldest was poorer So I always felt like a king walking into his fucking disgusting apartment, and then he went to the burbs What happened? Why'd you leave? Family just wanted a house wanted to move on up dude. Yeah, yeah, I Mean, that's it's fun as a kid you just combine things you like yeah one disgusting totally yeah Oh, dude. Well there were I mean I would be cheffing it up although I would make I got really into making my own like double decker ham and cheese sandwiches Where I would make I would be I would baste them in butter and I would just fry

Ham and cheeses and then I would fucking put like it was a club sandwich When I'm like this one, I'm like nine when I have use of the kitchen Oh When we had a we had a TV down there, and we had the little thing where you could, you know, on the Nintendo, you could, there was a cartridge you could plug Game Boy games on. So this is right when Pokemon was the shit.

I would make myself like five ham and cheese, butter soaked sandwiches, and just play like Pokemon Blue for fucking four hours. It was so sick man. Those were those were the days brother Yeah, I don't know about you like my mom likes like she started being like very strict with everything Mm-hmm, and then it eventually just like dissipated into yeah. Yeah, but I yeah, there was no like we didn't have cable TV We didn't have I Couldn't date like I couldn't like do anything. No dating no dating. Yeah, just cuz she's very Your mom wasn't on that hippie shit

She was on more of the mystical shit because your dad doesn't seem like he would care about you dating or doing anything weird Doing anything weird, you know, like yeah drugs and shit No He was really against drugs. Like when I was like smoking pot in high school and he found out he like freaked out. Because he thought I was going to just do heroin. Right. But he did it.

That's the thing that's always so annoying about the hypocrisy. It's like, come on guys, you've been here. Like I have friends who were like such pieces of shit as youths and then like have become, you know, have been better off and now they're like in the suburbs pretending to be Republican and it's like, you were a fucking delinquent. Like you think other people shouldn't have the same chances to do dumb bullshit and then like bounce back like you? Well, they don't realize that that's why they're like who they are.

Right, right. It's like it's like you think that these drugs are just gonna turn you into a fuckin' loser. But it's like no, it turned you into who you are. Yeah, yeah, you were just a loser. Yeah. Yeah. You were already a loser, it wasn't the weed's fault.

I remember my mom caught me, I just gas littered at being like no. My mom caught me like buying Talking about a weed like I was gonna buy a bunch of weed to just stop Stop with this nickel and diming bullshit. I was right. I like a cup I was gonna buy a couple ounces if you were being smart. I was being smart I was going to Costco essentially and she caught me just I was brazenly just on the on my phone in the computer room being like, yeah, okay. All right, 250, like I can do that.

Like, you know, just talking. She's like, what are you talking about? I was like, I was buying a liquor from, I was like, my lie was that I was buying another substance I wasn't allowed to have. I was buying $250 of liquor. Literally, dude, that's what I told her. And I just gas lit her.

And I think she was just too scared to be like Cuz I was always like good For better, you know I mean I had good grades I was she could depend on me And I think she just was like I can't even deal with if he's doing something fucked up And I guess she just was like he'll figure it out. She just kind of gave up I was like like that's like you know what she just didn't bring it up. She's kind of gave up and was like like that. You know what she just didn't bring it up She gave you a scale. It was almost

Did use her weight watcher scale? The way weed on yeah, I sold weed for a little bit but Yeah, man, those were beautiful beautiful days. You know you gotta let your kids make some mistakes folks This is the parenting corner. I'm the last guy anyone should listen to about fucking You know any of that shit, but yeah my dad He's one time one time I came home, and he had like raided my entire closet. Oh wow looking for me We like he was so upset about it

And I was like also you know eating meat like I was eating meat in high school at the same time Which I was also hiding rebellious Yeah, you know like I would like I had to like sneak it into my bedroom. Oh you need it at home Slim gyms and shit no I never ate red meat, but I was like just sneaking chicken up there and stuff like that You know eating a nice. Yeah, eating a nice chicken fajita burrito. Nothing wrong with that, brother. With the window open, with a fan in the window. You gotta spoof.

You're blowing out chicken into a fucking. Yeah, what was that? The paper towel thing. Paper towel with dryer sheets. Yeah, laundry sheet. Yes, yes. You're blowing out fajita, fajita breath into one of those Joint just blowing that into the room. You're covering the chicken smell with

Smell the chicken. Yeah Yeah, oh man, that's so fucking funny and you so you just what was the chicken rebelling you were like I just want to try this is like I was just working at this restaurant You know and I was I was a busboy for a while and a cashier and all this stuff so I was just like I would go through all the vegetarian things on the menu in a week tired of it yeah and then just be like all right yeah yeah I had a I had a cheesesteak once oh Philly yeah it was really high and I don't really recall. It didn't make me sick,

which was good, but I definitely didn't like fully experience it. I was like too high to really, but I remember staring at it and being like, am I doing this? Having one of these like coming to God moments. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the meat thing, like I had real guilt about it. Sure, I get that. I also got really high one time in high school and I went to Wawa and got a hoagie, like a tuna hoagie, because I ate fish and I accidentally hit the bacon button.

And I'm in the back seat of my friend's car and I'm just like really high and I like halfway through this thing and then being like damn. This is so good Best sandwich I've ever had in my life Really I called my mom I was a little legit a mistake yes, you're not even just like lying I would never lie to you. Thank you man. I I would never lie to you. Thank you, man. I appreciate that That's big. I called my mom and I was really high and I was like I just say I hate pork

Like what do I do? Yeah, she was like, it's okay. Say these prayers. Yeah Just in the back seat of my friend's car just like just me like I'm on her he like My friends are listening to rap just like eating pork and I'm like having a like, yeah Existential, oh my god, you know, I know I feel bad but man is pork delicious and they're smart too, dude I feel like a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like a piece of shit. Will I ever stop eating pork? I don't know that to be I don't think I ever will maybe maybe at some point But every once in a while I've cut down way like pork used to be a super go-to Yeah, but it's like I just I don't respect birds at all so I ate a lot of turkey and chicken like a lot of ground Meat and stuff, but I've also I've been eating a lot of red like I cows I feel bad too

But they're not as smart as pigs and they're so delish man You ever have a you ever have a rib eye you let me know Well one day yeah Let's go get rib eyes I would I would do that Yeah, I got some with three we got enough time for a rib eye lunch, dude No, I think I would still feel the guilt yeah, you know and it's not even about the animals really It's just like a baked in interesting. It's not about the animals It's like failing your family type shit

Yeah, failure religion well the like when I was eating chicken. I was never like oh these poor birds. Yeah Yeah, it was more just like some baked in huh Huh. If my parents weren't who they are, I think I'd just eat. Interesting. Anything, because I don't have that like. So you're still, you're still letting that guilt take that much of. Well now it's just like, you know, I don't know what it is. It's like, it's also a habit at this point. It's like you've lived your whole life virgin right now at like 35 Yeah, it wouldn't even be because I thought sex was bad It's kind of mutated into itself and it's some weird

Thing but I guess at the end of the day. Yeah, so you don't care about the animal Not really just like letting your parents down. Is it even the religious aspect? I mean, I guess at the end of the day. It's like's like sure if I'm like yeah I think it's a better probably but that's not what we're talking about we're not talking about at the end of the day we're talking about like what is it in you that doesn't need me? What's that yeah that thing that's like I think it's just more like a habit yeah and like just like a way I'm just used to inertia is very powerful inertia Yeah, done your whole life. Yeah, and just anytime you break a habit that big there is I get what you're saying

there is kind of like a built-in guilt of like I mean, I felt that I Haven't felt that in a long fucking time but like that initial break of like Not living the way my parents wanted me to like that initial like I'm not going to fucking college. I'm not finishing college. I'm not getting a real job. That was really tough for me. But ever since then I have no,

I don't really have, I mean sometimes family stuff still gets to me in that like, I'm like fuck I need to like do something for them because like I don't know. That's built into me where I'm like fuck I need to like do something for them cuz like I don't know that's Ingrid in built into me where I'm like yeah these motherfuckers I got it you know my shit's going well, and it's like I just want them to do a little better But it's like no I can't help worrying about my family, but yeah, I don't know that. There's any kind of like I Don't know I think I'm free of most of the

Most of the hang-ups, but I don't know who knows. I mean, it seems like most, you know, white people like tend to just like leave their parents and never talk to them again. Yes. Yes. Yes. And their parents are like, great. Right. Right. Right. Wow. They're like so independent. Yeah. This is amazing.

People call in and talk about like, can't you know, I want to have a kid, but I don't know if I can be responsible for them for 18 years. And I'm like, 18 years? Like, Greek people, it's like, my dad lived with his mother until he got married. And it's like, your mother hands you off to your wife, and then they still hover around you forever. Yeah, yeah.

And your mom's still cooking you food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I want that, by the way, I do want my, I want my mom around, I want that by the way, I do want my like I want my mom around I want my you know, I want my brothers around like cousins in for Greek people and like other immigrants. It's like It's like a sibling. Honestly, it's like they're so close and like if my brothers have kids my kids and their kids It's like that's not like a cousin is like a see where it's like. Yes American white people It's like a cousin is like lower than like a guy you work with

Right cousin is like oh, yeah, that's actually my cousin. It's not funny. It's like what it's like your friend's dog Cool dog like a dog that's well-behaved. Yeah, like oh, I guess they're feeding that thing. Yeah But yeah, I definitely like I think because of growing up in this muslim community like I have that real like family Yes thing and I want to take care of them. Yeah, so were your friends were your friends growing up like muslim kids like Well, there were a lot of muslim kids But then a lot of like my my parents and their friends were the same type of person Right like converted or right? It's not even that these people would even consider themselves

Muslim in a way. What's called? Sufi Sufi. Yeah, they would just be like, oh I found this teacher and it changed my life You know, it's like the idea of being like a label and stuff is like not even what yes about yes Yes, you know, but at the end of the day he was yeah But then they built a mosque. Yeah You got to fuck everyone's wife a couple times The way to reach higher You know higher consciousness is everybody gets a turn in the tent and whatever happens happens and we don't talk about it.

I don't know. I'm just joking. Wow, you just don't... I'm not laughing. What's the point? I kind of respect that guy if he didn't fuck everybody's wife. That seems to be the point of starting a thing like that is you get to fuck everyone's wife at least once but I'm not accusing him of that I don't want you know any kind of magic terrorism to happen to me He pulls out a but yes, like you said they're like It's more like mystical. It's like some guy

Okay, I'm done Very racist It's like some guy pulls a bomb out of my head. Okay, I'm done. Okay. That's very racist. In your mind, I'm like, I'm the kid in the back of the car who's high. I'm like, I just ate pork and I'm just putting a curse on everyone's family. Fuck. Yo, it makes sense you think that yeah That's my frame of reference for mysticism It's almost more embarrassing that what I could come up with for mysticism is like a guy pulling a rabbit out of a hat Then it is being racist

I mean Islam like the only representation we had for a long time was Ahmed the dead terrorist of course cranky anchors. No, no, that was that was a Donna of course done. Um, yes. Yes. Yes. That was the guy he paved the way. Yeah so much nuance Turban Yeah, I rewatched it recently I was like this shit I mean it's so funny Yeah, yeah, yeah, you gotta give it to him It's like you just had no issue pulling that guy out in to him it's like you just had no issue pulling that guy out in and you know hundreds of theater like sold out theaters and then right after the

Mexican pepper yep you know mm-hmm but not fly nowadays this way you kidding me this fucking He would be the biggest fucking act. It would be insanely popular. Five protesters outside. And he would just be talking about how cancel culture is trying to get him, trying to stop his art. Yes. Jeff Dunham would love to rail again.

You look up Jeff Dunham cancel culture. Yeah, that's a good idea. I'd love to see his thoughts on it. I wonder what he's up to. Oh hell yeah, the tour is called still not canceled. I mean, thank you. How is Jeff Dunham not retroactively canceled? Shut the fuck up on Reddit. He hosted SNL. That's hilarious. I mean. Oh my God, that's amazing. Oh, still not, that is so annoying. I love that SNL.

SNL's always having hosts who are just like. I know. I told Rami, I was like, there's the same, like people want Rami to say Free Palestine in the same way people wanted to say, wanted Shane Gillis to say retard. Yeah! Yeah! retard. Yeah! That is so true.

There's the same like, are they gonna say it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, both crowds got exactly what they wanted. They got what they wanted, smart, you're right. I didn't think of that, I said, I was just like, let's see if we can get a couple, it's a couple rabid fan bases tuning in,, I mean no a thousand percent like a little controversy That was cool though that it's like I know that's insane to think about but there is

Growing up there was a time where? The guy could say free Palestine in the middle of a conflict on NBC That was not going on man. Like there's there is a day I mean there does seem to be a shift in the thinking of like I don't know in a way that doesn't there was no discussion about you know Israel and Palestine ever in any way in a way that it does at least seem to be like hey can we just look at a few objective facts I mean I guess it's harder there's more stuff on the internet.

There's more reporting going on, and it's like the shit going on is so brazen that it might be different, but. Yeah. And at the same time, it was cool that Shane said retard. I'm the kind of guy that liked both equally. You, yeah. You.

To you, it's the same. To me, it's just as important. Both literally made me as happy and it's just as important for society. Lauren's going to call me, he's like, would you eat a ribeye up there? Yeah, we need a Jew Muslim vegetarian soy boy to eat. Honestly, you check a lot about what the group of people that would be like really excited about that would be like you.

It would just be me again. Maybe they're making decisions based on me. Yeah, I liked I literally love those two guys were my favorite SNL hosts. I went on birthright. Oh, really? Yeah. So my parents like I mean, was a I was in high school And I was a virgin yeah, and then I was in college, and I was a virgin Oh tough like this stuff's getting this is getting tough. It's getting weird. I can eat meat, but yeah, this is harder

harder and My roommate you know was like very like Jewish Zionist guy and he was like, would you go to school? I went to well, I went to University of Vermont, but then I went to Temple University Norfally, yeah, and He was like dude, you should go on this trip like you'll get laid. Yeah. Hell. Yeah, that's pretty much the whole sale Which I gotta give him credit how it works. Zionists know what they're doing. They're like that's what teenagers are interested in. A thousand percent. As complex as birthright.

Like when you start looking into birthright it gets crazier and crazier where you're like, Oh it's actually funded by evangelical Christians for the most part. Who want Israel to be a Jewish state so that when God the apocalypse yes Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, actually what's happening? It's so funny how many like Extreme right-wing Christians support Israel for the biblical reasons Yeah, like for the reason that the best case scenario is the world ends well. They're all gonna die Yeah, that's what that's what it is. Yeah Yeah, they're trying to like they're trying to breathe juice for Israel to kill them off

So God comes back and saves the evangelicals. So that's there. Yeah, and they'll be on a ship in the sky Floating above the burning city with Jesus. Yeah, we did that. We did it. Thank you Jesus. Thank you so much Thank God. We got those those nerds laid Thank God. Thank God those 19 year old losers got pussy from prostitutes in Tel Aviv and now this is possible So you went huh and you even though you're like it was just like I just was you know, you get that Weinberg last name They're not looking to to it to into what else that's all you need. Yeah That's all I need. I mean I went to the like Hillel Center

I was like I was raised Muslim like I gave yeah, I was like here here here it is Yeah, I am Muslim. I was raised Muslim. My dad was raised Jewish. Yeah, I have a lot of Jewish friends Muslim my dad was raised Jewish. Yeah, I have a lot of Jewish friends Your mom's not even yeah, so I'm not even Jewish so in turn Jewish tradition You're not even Jewish. Yeah. Yeah, and I think your dad has to be Muslim for you to be Muslim So I'm like zero you're nothing dude. I think Can you look that up? I don't want to say that if I don't know yeah, but they were like yeah, please There it was a chance to convert a thousand get a Muslim back, dude I was but they're looking for you. I was gonna go to the brochure

We saved this guy On the wrong team, but that's another weird thing. Is it like I never until Israel right? I don't feel like Muslims and Jews Didn't get along that much. No! I feel like they were there. They all, they were just like different types of Middle Easterners. Yeah. And like before, you know, Zionism. Right, right.

Muslims and Jews, they were pretty similar. They were chilling. Yeah, yeah. You know? And there wasn't like a... Definitely Europeans didn't like Jews a lot more than Muslims did. For sure. Not even close. And I'm sure there's examples of Muslims being mean to Jews of course of course in those like diaspora situations

Yeah, yeah, but overall this situation started. Yeah with this. Yeah, like Zionists Yeah, you know I don't mean to get no no we don't have to get into it but but I want to hear more about but I do think it is funny because a Lot of Jews just were Middle Eastern guys like we think of Jews is like yeah as like, you know After you think of them like European or like Polish or like from wherever the fuck Lithuanian Jews and shit like that, but I do feel like they were just a different type of Middle Eastern guy Like half of Jews were just like you know They just looked the same. Yeah. Yeah, they totally do by the way thousand percent

But so you're over there on Britain they're like great we'll get one back Yeah, your one-way ticket. Here's your you know, take it to you go go. What was it like? I mean it was incredible Yeah, I was fully brainwashed Did you get pussy no What was it like? I mean, it was incredible fun trip, but come on! Come on, man. I gotta go back home, still a fucking virgin. I mean, I was like, it was also just like the trip of a lifetime. I mean, you just go and- Especially if you don't travel a lot as a kid, too.

If you're from, you know, that's kind of sick. I did travel though. I went to Mecca. Oh, wow. I went to Turkey a bunch of times. Holy shit. I've been to a lot of Muslim places Interesting interesting, but I think like growing up as like a Muslim in America like it

Just I didn't have like this during a really cool time during a really cool time Yeah, we're the same age 9-eleven happens in sixth grade right dude. Yeah, and I was like I mean I'm white So it really didn't matter and your names a hot Weinberg Yeah, and I was like I mean, I'm white so it really didn't matter and your name's a wine burg But that was the first time I experienced any Islamophobia Because I was the only Muslim in my school so it was like I didn't know like I guess we'll have to be racist To him even though he's white. Yeah He's waiting kind of Jewish Literally be like oh, yeah fucking Barack Hutz

I'm sitting right here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah There were like real like, you know I went to like a private school because I grew up in like this part of Philly my parents didn't want me going to The public school sure sure. Hey, we went to I went to Baltimore City public schools. My parents weren't cowards Yeah, they sent me dude. I wish they said yeah. Yeah. Yeah, cuz that yeah I was growing up brother and they were like all these rich kids and you know a lot of them had these baked in totally Perspectives about Muslims and so it got weird, but it was never that bad for me. Yeah, yeah, just cuz I'm white They were just like oh he's like smoking weed

We saw him put a little bacon on that on that on that fish sandwich he's good yeah they saw me press the button they're like it's working damn dude that's it that's fucking that's fascinating going to Mecca and Turkey and all that kind of shit yeah but it was never like I think the thing I they were family trips though, right? Family trips and trips with other like hippie Muslim types and things like that. It's an extension of. Like experiencing these things like as a kid was like,

you know, I was bored quite a bit. Of course, yeah. And you're in Mecca and you're like experiencing the most incredible thing in the world basically. And I'm like, there's no pizza here. Yeah course yeah, and you're in Mecca and you're you're like experiencing the most incredible thing in the world Yeah, basically, and I'm like there's no pizza. Yeah. Yeah, I want to play fucking Gameboy. I want yeah They don't get MTV yeah And I of course like now I think I would go back and like have the most amazing experience of my life because I'm like really into this stuff

Yeah, as an adult, but as are you religious now? Yeah, I'm pretty really into this stuff as an adult but as a kid. Are you religious now? Yeah, I'm pretty religious. Cool, interesting. But you know, not maybe as much as some of my more traditional Muslim friends because I grew up in this like, Sufi. For the Sufi, for your, yeah. For my community. Also compared to everyone in like comedy or entertainment you're you might as well be a fundamentalist

You just even sort of believe in God and if I say yeah, I believe in God. Yes. Yeah, that is true, but um Definitely like these trips were like religious trips and I was like Just like I just want to be like it's like when they show a movie in Sunday school It's like okay, it's still about fucking Joseph and his Technicolor dream code. Right. It's not a good movie. Right.

It's like, it's still boring. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We had all the same feelings. You had a religious vacation, it's not a real vacation. Yeah, 1000%. Birthright, it's like their whole plan is like, let these motherfuckers have the best time of their lives. 1000%.

It's a recruiting trip It's like you're a star. It's your star wide receiver going to fucking Alabama for the weekend You know what I mean? Like that's what it is. That's the whole yeah We're like, you know, even when we would go to the like to the Florida Keys when I was a kid Like we would do that. Mm-hmm, and it would still be like, you know women in bikinis on the beach. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah blow my mind Blow my mind and my mom would be like we we can't like this is wow, you know, there's too much like thongs and stuff Too much temptation of the flesh. Yeah, let's go back to the hotel. Let's pray That's crazy. Not like that crazy. Yeah, but she would get

Wow, that's crazy. Not like that crazy, but she would get uncomfortable. I don't know. Yeah, I guess we could chill a little bit. We have a bagel or two. My dad's like, we are facing East. Yeah. When you think about it. He's got his prayer rug, but he's just bowing directly into a woman's ass.

It's East. It's East. I remember seeing a woman's bikini top fall off and seeing a tit when I was a kid and just being like, this is the greatest experience. Best day of your life, dude. Yeah. Seeing an accidental titty. Yeah.

I remember that same thing. I was pretty young and it was the Greek festival and and it was like hot and like a girl was like not wearing a bra. I was like 10 and this woman was like probably early 20s and she just kind of like leaned and like I could just see her tit from like that, you know, her tit kind of popping. It wasn't even out. You just could kind of see her nipple and I was like that memory is like burned into my head now. Yeah. It's 25 years later and I'm like I remember I remember that she was wearing a red top. I don't know who this woman was but her face is like I could draw it from memory like in a way that I don't remember other people's faces. It's crazy that we had that kind of childhood and then suddenly the internet and then

the last bast and then porn. Yeah. And then it's like, I went from like seeing one tit to like the world. Every tit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, this is all- This all takes me to birthright. Beautiful stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Let's, you have any more birthright thoughts? Because I think we're ready to- Are we ready to take some calls

You know we've shown the life from Tel Aviv you have a background Yeah, you have a bag you have a mystical religious background to really help, but we haven't really given that to our Callers our friends here, so I think you're bringing a fresh perspective to stop these role that we can really use So I think you're bringing a fresh perspective to stop these role that we can really use Do you want is there is there any more thoughts on birthright to just any anything fun happen? I? Don't know no being brainwashed. Yes being like you come back. You're like yeah, I came back And you're like I went to my parents, and I was like I'm Jewish And I figured it out. I'm Jewish Yeah, like I think you just like went to a place And they're like, I think you just went to a place

where they're telling you. How sick it is to be Jewish. How sick it is, and they're like, you can live here for free. Like that kind of thing. And you can just, there's a whole life here if you ever want it. Everyone loves you.

And all that. It's the best thing in the world. And then my mom was like, you know, I think you should look into what's going on there yeah yeah one Google search you're like yeah I don't know I said say no more yeah she goes you know there's pussy on the other side your mom dropped the whole act she's like look we get you laid that's what it's gonna take you some pussy. Just stop with all this bullshit. Do you have anything you want to plug here at the midway point, my friend?

Just follow me on Instagram, Mohammed Weinberg. There you go. Come to my shows, please. Follow, come to his shows. Very funny gentleman over here on the couch, folks. Thank you. Yeah, Eldis, why don't we take a couple calls here? What do we got? Yeah, I'll just why don't we take a couple calls here. What do we got? Stoppy Eldo Love you guys think yes not playing. I'm sure you're an awesome person if you're on the stoppy show

Dobby Eldo Love you guys think yes. I'm sure you're an awesome person if you're on the stoppy show Um I called earlier and I left too long of a message So I'll try to leave this one a little more brief So long basically in high school. I was dating this Guatemalan chick and took her virginity and She you know, we dated for about six months afterwards and when we broke up she stalked me for about two and a half years and Yeah, I finally got rid of her Fast-forward almost 20 years later.

I have a wife, I got three kids, you know, my twins are seven and then my oldest is nine. And I created a Facebook so that I could share pictures with the family and stuff like that. First thing that happens after I create it and put pictures and all that is I get a message from my stalker that says, I don't know who she is but I envy every drop of her I'll see you soon oh god and I showed my wife and she obviously wants to call the cops she's very worried she thinks this girl is out of her mind crazy I mean it's been 20 years and she's still on that so crazy obviously she's got a screw loose but in my personal opinion I dealt, it's been 20 years and she's still on that so crazy Obviously, she's got a screw loose but in my personal opinion

I dealt with it for so long when you I've done all that stuff when I call the cops You know when I when I try to escalate it and try to get her to stop when I get angry It only feeds into it and she ends up getting even crazier and doing crazier things So I think the best thing to do is to ignore her, block her on Facebook, just don't give her that attention and just let it just die out like that. My wife is not happy with that. We've been going back and forth for a while now

and I just, I don't know what to do, man. I'm just really concerned because, you know, like I said, it's been 20 years and I don't want this crazy bitch to try to do something you know to me or my children or my wife because I gave her some good dick 20 years ago. Has to pat himself on the back. Pause this. There's no way your dick has anything. This was high school, she was a virgin.

You think you laid it down so good. You don't think this is just a mentally ill woman, an insanely mentally ill woman. That's so fucking cool to be like, dude, it's just the hard part is I fucking dicked her down so good. I dicked her down so good on an air mattress. Yeah.

At 3 p.m. before my parents came home. I gave her the time of her life in the back of a Hyundai Elantra. 45 seconds at a time. All right, let's finish. Yeah, it's got nothing to do with the fact that we kept talking after we broke up for so long. Yeah. Anyway, let's finish this and let's. You know, I don't think she has anything crazy on me. If anything, I got videos and pictures of her, so I don't know.

Why do you have that? I'm kind of confused. I don't know what to do. What? Yeah. You have videos and pictures of her? Love you guys. From 20 years ago? Please tell me you mean you have videos

of her being weird, not you kept sex souvenirs from high school. He's basically saying. Which might be child pornography. That's what I was thinking. He's like, she's, don't worry, she's got nothing on me, but I do have a lot of child porn on my phone at the current moment. Don't worry. I got I got her dead to rights. I have vintage child pornography to show the authorities. If we're ever in court, don't worry. I will pull that out and I won't even run it by my lawyer. It'll be like a surprise, like at the end of SVU.

OK, so did he say they kept in touch or yeah, it said for Six months and then he says she stalked him for two and a half years after they dated but he said earlier We kept talking right We dated for say we broke up. Oh she yeah after they broke up for dating for six months, she started stalking him for two and a half years ago. Okay, okay, nevermind. So this is crazy that if this was 20 years ago

and they had no contact, that he makes a Facebook and she instantly finds him, that's kind of fucking wild. Yeah. I mean, I kind of see both sides here Well, first of all, if you have if you have any pictures of her as just under eight if you have any pictures delete them That's not leverage That's weird as fuck bro, that is so fucked up and strange like I'm if I think about somebody I fucked in college and like keeping a new that was legitimately 15 years ago like that's so strange to

fucking have I don't have it I think it's weird we've talked about some show before I think it's weird to keep souvenirs from old relationships in general I think it's kind of fucking pathetic and a little creepy but 20 years from high school is like illegal 20 years away, so how old is this guy? I'm trying to mean he's probably our age Yes, so I didn't fortunately I didn't have a I don't think I had a iPhone yeah, I didn't either this man's got a Motorola razor with fucking with 17 year old tits on it This guy's got us Nokia with pussy pictures. He emailed them

to his fucking Gmail like literally when Gmail was invented. Off a digital camera. I've got a Hotmail account with some pretty incriminating photos on it. And I understand why his wife is a little freaked out. 100%. hundred percent will not get rid of these photos Like that should be step one Okay, so That is fucking crazy. I do think He's probably right in that for the time being You just have to be like we have to ignore this, hope it goes away, right?

This is a fucking crazy person. Does this person live near you? For the time being, I wouldn't go to the cops right... First of all, you think the cops are going to be helpful. It's insane to think that. Like, it would have to be pretty... You have to get down the line to get cops involved. Like, you call the cops right now, they're just going to be like,

hey buddy, I get it There's gonna be like okay, but she didn't really do anything see you later You know what I mean like they're not gonna do shit thousand percent so I think you're right ignore her Definitely don't reach out to her definitely don't talk to her. That's crazy And you just have to have like you just kind of have to be on alert and if anything pops up Then you go to the cops. I mean, there's no there's no real way to go around this Don't mention the pictures to the cops Don't bring those up

and Yeah, I mean you have a wife and three kids. I get where your wife is coming from But you I think what you need to say is not I? Let's just ignore this but like hey, I'm'm with you I want to deal with this as you know swiftly and right as possible but the we don't have as much as annoying as it is we don't have any evidence right now this woman is on it was gonna like she just made vague threats for Hopefully we just ignore her. I'm as freaked out as you, but in the past if I ignored her it went away,

and the more attention I gave to her, the more it got worse. The second that we can go to the cops, I will, but right now this just doesn't make sense. I get your wife scared, you've got twins, I mean that's already scary. And then you've got this like threat Yeah, and then you've got the cops where you're a guy

Calling saying a woman right is stalking you they're gonna be like fucking lucky. Yeah pussy Have you thought about sexually assaulting her and getting away with it because we don't really do anything in that scenario I mean a restraining order is that like a thing that makes sense in this scenario Yeah, I think if but I just think at this point a vague sort of I'll see you soon like it is freaky Yeah, but I don't think the cops were gonna do anything for that I don't know maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like especially now where so many people get bullied online Yeah, you think cops are fucking checking out every weird Message you're getting from someone on the internet. No way Yeah, so yeah, and they're definitely not gonna respect a man getting stalked by a woman probably but you have a family whatever

I think if this one makes any kind of like in-person contact the second she does that and Hopefully the photos and videos you're describing are her being crazy and if you have evidence of her being insane the second she Actually becomes any kind of real problem. I think you go to the cops I just think right now it might be a little premature to do that and I think you're right block her ignore her You know you have You've dealt with this in the past and I think you're right, block her, ignore her. You've dealt with this in the past and then like, hopefully it doesn't happen but yeah, then go to the cops, maybe talk to a lawyer at this point.

Cause they actually know the law, they're not fucking a few idiots on a podcast. But talk to a lawyer about this kind of thing. They might be able to give you actual useful Advice on how how cops behave around this kind of thing like or if you have a friend that's a cop or just somebody Somebody that can either confirm or deny our hunches here that the cops aren't gonna be useful right now, but yeah, I think you Talked your wife that way and say hey hey, I wanna get this dealt with, let's ignore it, let's block her.

And the second this crosses any other line, like we'll go to the cops and then, you know. I think your wife is probably, like your wife thinks you're not doing enough and don't show her this podcast. Yeah, definitely don't. Honey, I'm working on it. This was this podcast. Yeah, we don't. Honey, I'm trying to work on it. Yeah.

I haven't gone to a detective or anything yet. Yeah, Stavi. But we called in Stavi and by the time he got to it, it's probably four months after I called in. So don't worry. Yeah, I think that's true. I think like take it to some version of authority show your wife that you're that you care Yeah, yeah

Yeah, take a step maybe talk to somebody who understands these proceedings a little better But yeah, I don't know about I don't know about the cops yet. This woman is out of her mind though I mean 20 years later stalking someone who has a fucking family I 20 years later Stalking someone who has a fucking family. I would I also I Wonder what this guy did maybe he was like did he do something fucked up to her?

Like are we getting like only one side of the story here? he like even being like took her virgin like it's like I Mean, I guess that's valuable information. Maybe she's like babe. I popped her cherry. That's why she's so fucking crazy With his sweet ass dick. What can you expect babe? I love the version of him telling his wife like she's obsessed with me cuz of my dick His wife being like that's not it Good luck man. I there does seem to be more but whatever that's that is fucking scary. That's scary Hey, Bobby, what's up? Listen to you for a while. This is my second time calling. I have a different situation. Okay, here we go

So I recently met this girl on this dating site Um, you know, she's he's very cute. She might be a little bit heavier set, not like super, okay, you know, she's a short, she's a short, but she got really nice pair of knockers on her. That's awesome. She has a four year old son. So I'm like, all right, cool. You know, we all got the we all got to bear type shit. Sure. The bear shit Being this guy's perspective on children is Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah. Yeah, I got this girl a little thick kind of fatter than I like but huge tits has an annoying

fucking son, but a Some people are born without their fucking you know right foot so whatever alright let's see he has a four year old son so I'm like alright cool you know we all got things you know we all got our crops it's a bear type shit like me I don't pay my taxes me and I'm talking to her and I really really really really want to just smash her and call

it a day, you know what I mean? Because she's got some really nice pair of knockers and pretty deep in ass. But then, you know, over the course of talking, because we haven't even met yet, because we barely met last week, she's talking about she wants a relationship and then in the future she would hopefully want a relationship. And not even with me, you we're we're just kind of discussing Discussing in intentions and things like that But then so then I pretty much just told her what she wanted to hear. How do I go about?

Mashing her a few times but like still not flying for that stepfather role and Not I'm not flying for that stepfather role. Come on. I don't know. Like not getting in too deep. You know, I really appreciate it. That's all I was gonna say. Come on, you piece of shit. I'm about to get a man. Let me know what you think.

Hey man, this woman made it so clear what she wants out of a relationship. She communicated with me like an adult. How do I? I've been lying to her, but what else can I do? Yeah, lying's good, but it's not enough. I can't, I haven't had sex with her. I don't know how much lying I'm gonna need to do

to get there. And then how do I get out of it? Because I've obviously been lying to someone. I mean what what does he even want? I don't understand because he's just doing what's necessary to he's lying and manipulating a woman to fuck her at what which we are against by the way we don't think you should do that you clearly just want to fuck this woman she said what she's into it's not what you're interested in don't fuck this lady Unless you do have a change of heart and are going into it being like, you know

Maybe I do want this you clearly don't you don't want a relationship You don't want to be a you said stepfather which by the way She seems so much more mature than him Is she even asking for that or she's just like can we I want to date with the intention of a relationship? She seemed like the kind of person who wouldn't want you to even meet her kid until it was even more serious than this You know I mean like Don't do this Unless you want a stalker for 20

Don't do this, man. Unless you want to stalk her for 20 years. Yeah, and she would be in her, she would actually be well within her rights. Well, no, stalking, you're not within your rights, but you know, she would just be, she would be within her rights to be pissed off at you and want to get back at you. But it sounds like the missing part from the first call.

It does a little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, but yeah, dude, what even do you want out of us? What advice do you want? You said you told her what you wanted to hear in general. I will say that is not good advice No, no look Am I gonna sit here and tell you that as a younger man? I haven't done similar things. No, I'm not gonna do that Okay, but I don't know how old this guy is part of maturing is like

It's also like what are you gonna do? You're gonna fucking let's say you have sex with her the second you not you're gonna feel bad She's gonna feel attached you're gonna feel guilty. It's gonna be messy. What's even the point here, dude? Get out of here date somebody who wants what you want, especially Here dude get out of here date somebody who wants what you want Especially someone who made it so clear what they're looking for as a relationship It's just not gonna feel good after you fuck her. There's nothing good. It won't nothing positive will come from this trust me Yeah, not worth it man. Yeah, you're gonna have sex the kids gonna jump in the bed He's gonna get in there. He's gonna be like you like transformers Yeah, I'm mega true my favorites Megatron. Who's yours? You're gonna have to look in this kid's eye and be like I'm lying to your

Yeah, it's like dude. I'm just trying to fuck your mom. She has big ass tits Get off my dick kid. I'm not gonna be around I'm gonna get two three more nuts off Max. I'm gonna leave before Christmas. I ain't buying you fucking shit. Don't get your heart set on a fucking other toy just because I nutted in your mom a couple times. He's saying this and she can hear it. Yeah.

She's like, you're right next to me. What are you doing? Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry, honey. So anyway, your options are don't date her and keep lying to her, or do it, feel bad, get guilty, and deal with the fallout. I say don't deal with, we don't have,

we don't have some mythical third way where you get to fuck her and not feel bad, right? Doesn't exist right so those are your options. We suggest don't fuck her Next yes, say or say you want something casual and she'll say no right? Yeah, that's actually that actually is the mature thing cuz yeah, who knows yeah, she made her intentions clear But she might be willing to settle. I mean probably not So you're so dumb. You're clearly dumb as shit.

But who knows? Her life might be so bad, she's like, you know what? Fuck it. And by the way, that exists. Women are out there, even women. Like we've talked to people who they had single moms and some of them want to like get something serious and have somebody steady and other women have looked at it where they're like Just me and my kid. I don't want some guy around but I want to get some dick like that exists

And also there's women without kids that want that like you just have to be the clearest thing you do is just say what you want It's hard But it's cowardly not to What else, LD? Hey, Dove, I got two questions for ya, unrelated to each other. Number one, I'm the commissioner of my fantasy football league and the news are about to start coming in.

Nice. Am I allowed to use that money to gamble with? You know, just a little parlay here or there on some NFL games. Of course, if I lose it it I'll make it right, like I'll take out my own money, but do I really need to have $900 just in my account not making me money? The entire NFL team? Let's put that money to work. Second question. As a child of immigrants like yourself. I want you to explain

How to rationalize pain for your patreon like You're about the same age as me I feel like this is a cable TV grip antenna argument of you know TV for free turn off the antenna Why would I pay for something I'm getting for free? so You could put a little ethnic twist on that. That's great Thank you. I want some advice and also can you do a bit about this? Bit about well how I it's okay for me to steal from you Here's how I feel about the patreon if you have the money pay for it if you don't steal it I don't

give a fuck I really don't right I would prefer like just listen to the podcast I've been there before where I didn't have money and I didn't pay for shit and I stole shit and then when I got money I started subscribing to stuff right like it's not a matter of it's just a matter of if you want to steal it if you now if you have the money and you steal it you're a piece of shit because it's like yeah it's a service you want so you have the money and you steal it you're a piece of shit because it's like Yeah, it's a service you want so you should pay for it. I get it subscriptions pile up five dollars here five dollars there But you know someday we're gonna start paying all this a salary And that's only gonna be possible if people actually pay for the patreon so far. He's doing it for college credit

So far he's doing it for college credit. He's going back to get a communications degree in 35. But in terms of the gambling on NFL games, with your friends money, by the way. Okay, this is kind of interesting because you're essentially talking about, this is what banks do, right? Like your money, banks use it, but you know what happens? You get a little interest, right? So if you're going to use your friend's money to gamble, right? And you, which by the way, you're not going to win.

I love how this is some world where he wins. What's going to happen is you're going to pay the $900 out of your account after you lose this money, right? But in some fantastic world where you won on this, you know, your parlay's hit and you made $2,700, you know, you triple your money. let's just say you double your money that's fine but since you use their money to gamble you should pay them a little interest the way a bank does when they invest your money so 5% or something you know what I mean 5% of your winnings should go back into the pot that's what I think you should do especially if you're you know you obviously cannot steal $900. Yeah, that's how I that's what I think you should do Especially if you're going, you know, you obviously cannot steal from nine hundred dollars from your friends

That's clear if you lose you do have to put it back. But if you win give them a couple percentage points I like how you can rationalize paying nine hundred dollars in gambling losses potentially, but not paying five dollars Three hour a podcast he likes and that you know, that's like, you know How many hours of extra entertainment but whatever man, I don't give a fuck I actually feel pretty good. I feel like killing King Solomon on that one. I feel wise I feel like I gave him great great advice there. Do you think you should tell them that he's doing it? No Also, it seems like he has nine900. Right. This is kind of semantic, right? Because it's not like, it's just in your account. They're both, it's just electronic money. If you lose $900, do you have it to pay your

friends with? Right, right, right, right. If they want their money back. Yes. Yes, this is really only a dilemma There's like when you have roommates and they pay you the rent because you pay the landlord you're like whoa I have four thousand dollars in my account Yeah, no you really you yeah exactly it's like what do you even thought so Yeah You're right. What does it matter if you have the money to pay back? You're not really gambling It's a strange question

But yes, if you use that particular electronic money and you win you got to give him a couple percentage points good call. Oh Fuck dude is it time? Hamid, how do you feel about getting twisted man? What do you mean? What the fuck's going on? Holy shit what's that sound? Is there a band here? Oh my god. Oh fuck. Keep it twisted.

Holy shit it's time to keep it twisted. Pause it real fast Elvis. Shouldn't we bring the fucking twisted T's in here? It's right there. shouldn't we bring the fucking twisted holy fuck it's time to keep it twisted with the twisted tea hotline question of the day the twisted question of the day we're still working on the name of the segment if you're gambling with your friends Make sure to drink twisted tea. Well no we have a twisted.

We have a twisted question, the twisted tea question on the twisted tea hotline. Again we're going to work on the name of the segment. But Eldis made this little song. We made that drop. Let us hear the drop again Eldis. Keep it twisted. And you know you can take this home man. Let us hear the drop again eldest keep it twist And you know you can take this home man, you know this is for you brother, you know, you're on the street the twisted tea game day pack and

We have a question here that you know bit of a twisted question from one of our eldest has assured me It's a twisted question and Let's let question and let's let's hear let's hear you know what what our caller is wondering and you know maybe our wisdom and also some of the wisdom from our friends at twisted tea which by the way is by the way is one of it's brewed with realized tea I don't know if you know this it's a hundred percent organic it's brewed well I don't know if you know this it's a hundred percent organic. It's brood. I don't know about that We're gonna make that claim the good folks with twisted tea are paying for this segment But it is five percent alcohol by volume it's a

delicious delicious Treat to enjoy on game days not on game days and let's see what our pal here has to say hey Scottie I'm in a bit of a pickle so I play in a beer boys I think you mean you play in a twisted tea volleyball league in a bit twisted twisted volleyball league with a bunch of friends go ahead eldest with a bunch of friends and a guy on my team expressed interest in me a Little bit on the shy side No, he never really made any aggressive move never bought drinks never bought maybe a we did

Maybe a twisted tea. Keep it twisted. Well, that's it. You want to get some pussy, you got to offer a bye lady some twisted. Some twisted tea. Take her on birthright. OK, so he never took you out for some twisteds. What else? Never really made any aggressive moves.

Never bought drinks. Nothing like that. We did end up going out to dinner twice and after the second dinner we went back to my place Oh back to your plan the only thing that happened was that he asked permission to hold my hand very sweet very innocent second date back at her place. Can I hold your hand? That's not twisted. Keep it twisted. This guy needs to keep it more twisted than that. Twisted teak. No, no, no.

Actually, yeah, maybe we should blur these out during the ad re-delt. No, this is good. We're learning what we're doing. Twisted teak. No tea. No mention any other brand Just twisted twisted Stop all this is being cut sleep out everything he's saying and say to effect put in him saying twisted Tea and yeah, we're gonna have to blur the cancer or put put Twisted tees over twisted teak Twisted teak All right, sorry no, it's all good

Very sweet very innocent But the end of the day, I that's just not what I need sure That's just not what I need. Sure. It's a problem for a different day, whatever. But since then, things have simmered down quite a lot and I've lost probably the majority of my feelings for him. So it's over and done with. We're friendly.

It's fine. We still play on the same team. Not a big deal. Fast forward to today, we still play on the same team and now his brother plays with us too. You know where I'm going. He's hot. Sounds pretty twisted. He's hot.

It gives me attention. It's like little things where we're sitting at a table and he'll make sure his leg is touching mine, like that kind of stuff, you know? I don't know. Sure. But I just have a thing. I just, I have a thing. So I don't really know how relationships work between brothers. You know what I'm going to ask? Is it wrong to pursue the brother? I haven't yet. I just have a big fat crush and I know it's mutual. Would it be wrong? I just had a big fat crash and I know it's mutual. Would it be wrong?

Would the family implode on each other like they never recovered? Okay, relax lady. Pussy so good you destroy your family. I don't know about all that implode. I know I'm not that great, but like, I don't know how this stuff works. If they never talk again after this, I would never'm not that great but like I don't know how this stuff works if they never talked again after this like I would

He's like he's like yes, okay, so the plans are play I Pretend to be a huge pussy for three months and then Soften her up for you, man And now you go in there and then fuck her and then we'll do this the next they do this They go to volleyball league the volleyball league What it's like the prestige one of them switches off every time we do this time should we do the hand-holding? Hand-holding pussy makes way for alpha mystery brother halfway into the season act like a huge piece of shit how do you want to work this one okay but at the end of the day which go ahead

leave and find leaving because I don't want to ruin up the family dynamic but at the end of the day like I just don't know yeah anyways love you lot be well this is a nice call this is sweet this is sweet gal right here keep it twisted this is sweet gal trying to keep it twisted and which what we're gonna do we're gonna help her keep it twisted with the help of our friends at twisted tea first of all I'd say maybe crack open a delicious twisted tea and think it over, you know So I know you're saying that they definitely have talked about it, but I also could see I Mean, I wonder I do wonder what these brothers are like. Yeah, you know cuz it's like

I mean I wonder I do wonder what these brothers are like yeah, you know cuz it's like The thing is the one guy is so kind of like I don't know Sounds like kind of a cute little dork that maybe he does it and maybe this is the dynamic like I could see this being The way their lives have gone. Yeah, like not knowing enough about these people right you're kind of going on the dark I could see it being that kind of thing where it's like also how many times has that happened where? Like I feel like sometimes there are people that you meet like or One of your lame friends is talking about a girl that they kind of want to smash and then you'll go to a party and you hit it off with

her because what they like, what the girl liked about him is just the portions of your personality your lame friend was stealing or something like that. You know what I mean? Like when a group of friends has like a similar almost like culture or like, like we had a guy we grew up with that wouldn't let us meet his friends in college and it turned out he was straight up just stealing our inside jokes and Trying to be funny towards them with shit me and eldest were like saying and so like I Wonder sometimes there is or you'll see a meme of women saying that where they'll be like meeting my

Boyfriends friends for the first time and realizing I picked the loser in a group or something like that like That happens to people sometimes where this brother Boyfriends friends for the first time and realizing I picked the loser in a group or something like that like that Happens to people sometimes where this brother His his cool mystery brother that came in might just be the alpha version of him right and might have been losing girls to Tim his whole life, so you know we're making fun of her a little bit But it's sweet that she's even worried about that. I guess my thing is This isn't really about you. It's kind of about them, right? Mm-hmm like May I mean if the guy I wonder if the answer here is to just kind of see what happens and If the guy pursues you

That's kind of out of your hands, right? You know what I mean? Like That's kind of out of your hands, right? You know what I mean? Like, that absolves you of all guilt, in my opinion. Not that you should have any guilt, really. Because if a guy on your team, just that they're brothers, is that really your fault? Is it your fault? I mean, you went out with this guy,

it's not like you completely rejected him. You went out with him and it was like, you just didn't like him. I don't know. It's tough because, you know because you're dealing with men. We've been listening to these voicemails. Right, right, right. Guys that are like, I'm lying, what do I do next?

Yeah. Like, what's the next step? I'm betrayed, yeah. Like that's base level, just like being a dude trying to get laid to a lot of guys. For sure, for sure. So it's a tough situation because even if you ask the cool brother

hey would this be cool? Would your younger brother mind? I've had women lie to me. Right. Like it's just kind of... No, it's regular. I've seen one that looks like that. Those kind of lies. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, oh no, he'd be totally cool with it. It's no problem. We already talked about it. That's not too much red hair on a penis. That kind of thing.

Yeah, I've experienced that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I know what you mean though, yes. But you know what I mean? Yes. And then later it's like, no, I'm sorry. Totally. I actually didn't talk to him about it.

Yes, yes, yes. And actually he's pissed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Actually he's in love with you. Yeah. I actually went to talk to him about it after we fucked and I saw a shrine with your hair in it. Yeah. He seems to be, he was just doing pull-ups and cleaning his gun.

But I'm sure it'll be fine. The only way to fully, it would be awkward, but if you talk to both of them separately and we're like, I'm worried about hurting your brother's feelings. But even that, it's like. I mean, I guess they did go on a couple dates, but I guess. She says they're cool. Yeah, I guess what complicates it is that they are friendly, they're on the same team, they see each other.

But I think that's so much responsibility for somebody who it's they didn't date. They went on a cup. They got dinner a couple of times and they held hands fucking, you know, a couple. She held his clammy ass hand for like 15 minutes, you know, like, I just feel like. Does she really owe this guy that much? It's the it's the fact that it's his brother that is complicating things.

Because if it was just a guy on the team, there's no discussion whatsoever. It's almost more complicated than like, you know, if your friend likes a girl and then she likes you, it's almost because you're friends you have to figure that out to not ruin the friendship. Yes. I really think it's more on the friends you have to like figure that out to not ruin the friendship I really think it's more on the brothers than it is her without question Yeah, just looking at them as friends exactly cuz it's like yeah You you you have to figure that out between you guys, but I'm just saying cuz they're brothers it might even be There might even be less courtesy

Right might even want to talk about it less and make sure it's okay Good point less because you're good point because your brothers. Yeah, it's like fuck you fuck my brother I'm eating all the tricks brother. I don't give I don't care that mom said I'm supposed to save you some tricks I'm eating it fuck you. What are you gonna? Do about it, and then you fistfight. Yeah, we legally have to be friends Yeah, this isn't gonna ruin it, but it could I guess so I guess if you wanted I guess what I would say is You're so certain that this guy has a crush on you right? Yeah, she says I know it's mutual I would just If he pursues you I think you're just totally in the clear and if he pursues you I think you say something like hey I like you. I'd like to go out I

Went on a couple dates with your brother. It didn't end anywhere. We're friends now. Do you think, is that cool with you? Do you think he's cool? Do you mind talking to him? Yeah. If you wanted, if I were in your situation,

I would just, I would, if he pursues you, which this is what you like about him, it's that he's not like his timid brother. So if he actually asks you out, I think that's how you play this, is like, he asks you out, then you're right about him having a crush on you, right? You can still be flirty with him,

but like, I would say just don't, if you don't pursue him and he's like, hey, you wanna go out, be like, yes, I'd like that, just so you don't pursue him and he's like hey want to go out be like yes I'd like that just so you know I want a couple dates with your brother Are you cool with that like or you know do you want to talk to him or I don't know I? Don't know if she even needs to do that honestly like I Don't know nothing just to talk to the the guy she wanted some dates with but I would bring you wouldn't bring it up With the guy that you're cuz again cuz again. They didn't do shit You know he held her fucking hand wouldn't you want to know like when you like?

I just want to know how that guy doesn't know that is maybe not yeah Truly, maybe not yeah, and it's like I I just don't know if his brother The hot guy the cool guy if his dorky they're probably both fucking dorks by the way in a volley ballie he's touching her leg by accident yeah the guy's a gay guy she's like I do kickball on Thursdays but volleyball's pretty fun on Tuesdays

I don't know I mean maybe he maybe they've already talked about it you know true and that's something not in like this devious way, but like you know what keep it twisted. Fuck the guy What are we talking about here? It's time to keep it twisted Who cares fuck these losers on your volleyball team, let's keep it twisted and let's go Place that with a theme song elders keep it twisted baby so thanks for calling in you know if you want if you want to let him if you want to wait to let him to pursue you wait but if you just keep it twisted keep it twisted and go out with this guy and suck him off after volleyball.

Also, how big is the brother's hand that you held? Because... True. That indicates... Maybe his cock is big too. And that's the Keep It Twisted Twisted T segment of the day question on the Twisted T hotline. Again, like we said, we are working on the name of the segment.

But thank you, our friends at Twisted Tea for sponsoring us. Keep it twisted. And remember to keep it twisted. All right. That was the Keep It Twisted Twisted Tea Hotline moment of the day question of the episode What else we got eldest? You twist the tea guy? They're good man, we'll give you one on the way out. Okay, great

Bobby Hey, man, I got a question for you that I think you're the right person to be answering great so I've had three girlfriends in my adult life and All three of these girlfriends have had best friends who didn't like me It's been very noticeable One of these girlfriends tried to get or one of these best friends tried to get my girlfriend to cheat on me another one of these best friends ended up Having a romantic crush on my girlfriend

Also tried to get her to cheat on me, but with her Yeah, it seems like I have a track for Yeah, it seems like I have a track record for girlfriends, best friends, just really disliking me. And I don't know if this is a me thing or if this is actually just a common pattern that most dudes would have in common with me. I just really don't know. I think I'm a pretty, you know, nice, agreeable guy.

I never like creep on any of them or anything like that. I don't know. I guess I could do a better job of trying to get to know them. I don't know. I just think this is the right time to be asking this question because I'm starting to get ready to get back out there in the dating pool and maybe find another woman. And when I do, I want to maybe be able to have a better relationship with their best friend if I've got one so I'm hoping you can help me out thanks interesting very interesting three for three best friends don't like him and he's wondering is it me mm-hmm I'm wondering if

it's the girlfriend I'm raising my my antennas. What's up with this friend of hers who's in love with her and she's trying to get this girl to cheat on the guy with her? You know, there's some a little early for Elders is Red Pill Corner. Let us work out the question. Let us work out the question a little bit. Then you come in. Usually that's how it works, Elders. but we'll keep it in mind we'll come back to you and we'll think about that I do well first of all has this ever happened to you have you ever been in this situation I'm trying to remember I don't think I knew if if a girlfriend's best friend didn't like me, I never knew about it

Yeah, and it was never brought to my attention, right? Right, right. I think I do think this is fairly common Probably I mean I have certainly been in this situation I've had I mean, but that was my fault. They were right to dislike me. I've been in a relationship that kind of started messy and right to dislike me. I've been in a relationship that kind of started messy and then like we broke up, we were on again, off again and like you work up so much bad will. All they hear is all these stories about you being a piece of shit that by the time you're in an actual

good relationship, you're toast. You know what I mean? That's happening to me. I've also had best friends that really like me almost too much where they're like, you guys should get, when it's not that serious, and they're like, you guys should get married weirdly. You know what I mean?

And then I've just had people who are like, I've gotten along fine with them. So I think some of this might just be small sample size. Three girlfriends, three weird situations. You just never know, right? I wonder why they hate him. Because that's some information that I think you should be able to ask.

For example, I know why they hated me. I was a dickhead to the girl I was dating. And then they were correct friends in just being mad at me for the beginning I was dating. Sure. And then like they were correct friends in just being mad at me for the beginning of our relationship, right? Like I know that. But if this guy didn't do anything wrong. Which he doesn't think he did.

Doesn't think he did. He does have kind of a, not that you can tell much from a guy's voice, but like he seems nice compared to the other two guys that seems, the guy talking about lying to the single mother Sounded like a fucking idiot even the guy who's the stalking guy? Even though there's some off just from his voice. I was like something's a little off here I mean this guy's saying I'm a nice agreeable guy like that word in itself

Maybe he's too much of a pussy for them. Maybe it's the other side where he's not a dickhead He's just kind of like and also maybe they just don't You know is he ugly or they just like they just don't approve of who they're dating You know that's a possibility right even though I feel like women are much Less sure I don't know I wouldn't I don't know about that much less shallow in terms of who their friends are dating I think they're less shout about who they're dating, but maybe you know I Don't know I feel like I don't give I can see the loser thing a little they're like what are you doing with this guy?

Yeah, you know now let's shift back over to Elvis's red pill corner. Yeah and put the blame on the woman here Is there patterns in who he's dating though for real like this kind of where there might be a little? Then that the middle of an diagram between our Vantage points where it's like we tend to date people in patterns. We tend to date people with similar You know psychological makeups. I would say you know what I'm saying like I think people just without even understanding that yeah Typically go back to the same well or share they share some kind of thing does he do you attract women that have weird codependent relationships with other people for some reason sure I'm just you know I'm just throwing possible things out there I think I did that too because

I like I have you know anxiety and fear of being cheated on mm-hmm but I think I would date types of people who would cheat. Interesting. And then I don't even think that they wanted to or that they would, but I'm looking, they're being flirty or there's something about how they're interacting with other guys that would make me uncomfortable. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm like, I don't know why I keep doing this, putting myself here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I definitely continued to do that for a long time. No, we all do that same shit. I mean, it was a problem for me where I would, I was very insecure in like my 20s, and so I dated people that were like clingy at first,

which I liked, because it was like, there's no insecurity. I know they like me. They're making it so obvious. And then as soon as I was secure in the relationship, I was like, this is fucking annoying, get off my dick. You know what I mean? Like kind of shit making it so obvious and then as soon as I was secure in the relationship I was like this is fucking annoying get off my dick You know what I mean like kind of shit where it was like you just you sometimes you doom yourself You went the opposite direction as me. Yes, which is very interesting. Yeah. Yeah, you know But we all do this sort of sort of thing. So is there again? We don't know shit

We don't really know you don't know these girls But is there something too that you are attracted to people in these other strong relationships for whatever reason like Some people don't even have a friend this domineering in their life You know what I mean like some some people don't have that a number one best friend You know which these women seem to have So I don't know dude, I mean we don't have enough information to go off of this. I mean yeah. What did they hate about you is a great follow-up. That seems like the only question. Yeah. Because you have to assume with the

person you're dating that their best friend knows any shitty thing you're doing. Right. Anything that is is annoying I will say from the limited information we've had to two of them tried to get these women to cheat right that's what's different so they don't respect him right you know I mean they want they want her out of this relationship it sounds like a they feel like he could she could do better thing yeah one of them is with any other guy the other one is with her, you know what I mean? So it's like is there something there to explore like

You enter into a relationship with somebody who has who already has a pretty serious relationship Even though it's not romantic Although in one case it kind of sounds like it's blurring the lines and one person is in love with the other person You know, so yeah Could it be again just guessing here just spitballing like um there's less pressure when someone has a support system in their life for you to be like you know what I mean like if someone has serious relationships you being a boyfriend is your role is not as important to someone who has

no friends in their whole life. You know, are you the kind of person who feels smothered easily so you can't be with someone who doesn't have really close friends that she spends time with? You know what I mean? I'm just, again, just guessing here, but her friend trying to fuck her sounds cool. You seem like kind of a piece of shit for not being able to fucking To you stop two hot chicks from fucking sucking each other's tits and for that I'm against you Give me some of the other alternates Oh shit, bitch that was twisted

That's more twisted than my nuts Twist that up like my dick in your ass, and it's twisted Yeah, we didn't want During the official segment, but Twist that up like my dick in your ass and it's twisted. Yeah dude, I don't know. It's a tough one actually. It's a tough one. I would say, I would try, again,

why do they feel this way about you? Are you doing anything to deserve this? If not, what's the pathological reason you keep dating women who have this relationship in their lives? Ex examine that a little bit Is there more do you want to delve into it at all red pill wise? I don't think so I think you hit I think it probably is just like a pattern thing if you notice it with like three girls It's like yeah

If you don't if you don't if you can't look at yourself and be like why do they hate me just have no idea whatsoever I don't know. I would look at well What's the similarity between these? Yeah, cuz a lot of the times when you when you fucking tug at that thread You just do see some like clear psychological shit. Yes, you some clear shit that leads back to like As hack as it is your fucking childhood and your parents and all that kind of show crazy because when you're in it when you're doing it Yeah, like every time I get out of a relationship and be like I'm never doing that again Yeah, and just do it and then a couple months go by and that familiar feeling Loneliness and then you hit it off with because the at first

The people you find yourself in these patterns with it feels so so good at first. Of course. At first you're like, whoa, something special is happening. And it's like, no, you're just hitting the same, like, parts of your brain. Yeah. And I'm also like, maybe in my mind, I'm like, I'm confident now. Cause that's another thing you feel when you're single. Yes. And you're not in a relationship. You're like, I think I figured out what I did wrong.

Right. I'll be good this time. Right. I won't fall for the same traps in my own. Right, right, right. And then you just do it. Yeah. And then it's fucking 2 a.m. in your hotel room and you eat every piece of candy in the minibar. Even though you've you were strict about your diet all day. As an example.

Dude, I literally made I would I was in a hotel this weekend and I you can pay this is how dashingly it is they make you pay to take the mini bar out I was like hey I don't want candy in my room I can't have this really and they're like for nine dollars we'll take it out I'm like what for the price of a candy bar and they were and I was like, alright I had to pay them to not have candy in my room. That's crazy fucking insane And then I was like, hey Can you take all this bullshit out of the mini fridge so I can put like yogurt and fruits and shit in there?

Yeah, and they're like that'll cost you $25 And it was like 25 a day that is crazy I did crazy. Did you do it? I did it, yeah. Wow. Just, cause I was like, cause that is my killer on the road. I'm trying to survive this next tour, man. I... the last one fucking nearly killed me. Legitimately. So I cannot have that again.

So I'm just trying to like, work my way up on the road to like... And I did pretty good actually, uh, health habit wise. To me, I'm like calling the front desk I'm like you gotta fill the room with pork The we gave you this really gave you a delicious pork, you know while you're here, dude All right, I'll do you got something nice and fun for us something to something to go out on here pal Yeah, I got one someone's coming for you a little let's see what you're coming for me interesting hey savvy I'm in the car and we're listening to episode 82 and you're

giving some really good advice to this girl who's sister's boyfriend keeps flirting with her and I listen to the podcast pretty often and I was just thinking about how I always agree with your takes and I think the advice you give is really good. And I've just started to become increasingly suspicious that this is all a toy and you're giving advice to get pussy. And for all the women listening to agree with you, and I just, my question I guess is, is your advice really what you think?

Is this your true belief? Or are you keeping it twisted? Or are you just trying to get the women of the world on your side? Keep it twisted. Are you accusing me of keeping it twisted? 24,7-3-6-5, baby girl? Are you explaining why I have the sponsorship idea? Are you explaining what pays for this apartment?

Start a podcast to get pussy. That's keeping it twisted. Do you remember what advice you gave I don't really I remember this call But I don't remember it off the top of my head, but hey, what can I say babe? That's just who I am I can't help it. I Would that that would be such an annoying ploy to get pussy is doing a pod I mean I guess in some ways doing a podcast and doing comedy really is uh... she's kind of accusing you of being a little

woke in and one of the city which is not on jimmy and i am a single issue voter in that uh... how much will this make it easier for me to get pussy that's why i'm that's why that's why i'm so pro abortion rights is that I just like that is Unfortunately, that is the lens through which I see the world, but I do think that

You know my advice does come from the heart But I It's good to know that it's working It's good to know that you're more likely to fuck me Now you were before you listen to the podcast to our call I can speak to this a little bit that outside of this room. Mm-hmm. You're not walking around going I'm about to say a bunch of bullshit. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah outside the room. What if I am just totally different? I'm like I'm just so conservative But no, I I exist in a very uh, you know, it's a bit of a hedonistic little zone.

It feels interesting because I do feel like people on the left have gotten almost too tattletaly. Like the only identifying thing of like, people don't even think of it as like hippie shit is not really what people think of anymore when it comes to like being liberal or something. It's like getting you in trouble for saying something bad is what people think of now when it comes to like what it means to be like the left in America. And I think I just I kind of exist in a zone of like not conservative but not a tattle

tale either and getting pussy and that's what it's all about wouldn't you say so I don't tattle don't be fucking rude to people and try and get sucked off as much as possible and suck titties off as much as possible but thank you it's good to know the ploy is working after this we're gonna go we're gonna we're gonna fire up some info wars anyway I have to go phone bank for Donald Trump it is funny what you're saying about hippies like hippies were the left but now every hippie was like would be considered a piece of shit yeah yeah you know they were all just doing whatever the fuck they wanted to get it's exactly like you know fun cool

like having a good-ass time is really is actually the my actual like Like that's my North Star is like how can we have things be fun as shit Yeah, you got it like hippies were just trying to have a good time, and it's interesting to think about them in Almost in like what they came out of like historically it makes sense that they would come out of like the repressive ass 50s Yeah, and then it was like fuck we're not doing this bullshit. Yeah, fuck your stupid little suit and tie We're gonna go get pussy Reno. We're gonna go smoke drugs in a field and like yeah, you know look at tits That's fucking cool. But yeah, we have gotten to a point where I Don't know man people just associate and then obviously the like

The fairness aspect of like you shouldn't treat anybody bad like you should you know you should just like hey We have all this money Why don't we give some to fucking poor people in this country like not even getting to any of that? But it's like I don't know, the left being for censorship is weird, like saying shit you can't, not that the right is any better. I love that idea that the right is for freedom of speech.

That you have to, the idea that you have to pick one is crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like hey, how about both things that we're being presented with actually are fucking, you know, like Kamal Harris is a fuck, anyway're I don't know how this I don't know how we got here from from this question but there's a version of hippie that is objectionably bad yes I know like a guy he's got a family and he then he listens to the Grateful Dead and he's like I'm fucking out of here yeah you know that

kind of the complete rejection of any responsibility Yeah deep into your like 40s and 50s. That's Pathetic for sure pathetic for sure, but hey, we're still in our 30s I got a couple more years of this kind of lifestyle Anyway, thank you for listening. It is not a ploy, but hey if it's working, you know what I mean? I'm going on tour next year gals hit the DM's and Ahamed thanks for coming bro. Thanks for having me. This was so fun. This is great a great episode bring your next week We're gonna have a homage grandfather

About the prop in the talk about props. I love though about becoming a Buddhist and Maine and shit like that. He sounds awesome And yeah, we will talk to you guys next time. Bye. Bye