Stavvy's World - #97 - Paul Scheer

Episode Date: October 7, 2024

Paul Scheer joins the pod to discuss his new book 'Joyful Recollections of Trauma,' his favorite types of air fresheners, attending NYU because Theo Huxtable went there, sharing a hotel room with a grown man on an improv trip, the early days of UCB, and much more. Paul and Stav help callers including a guy whose wife was propositioned by a friend's wife multiple times, and a radio DJ who's wondering if he should tell his friend that his rap music sucks. Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. Follow Twisted Tea: https://x.com/TwistedTea https://www.instagram.com/twistedtea/ https://www.snapchat.com/add/drinktwistedtea Check out Paul Scheer's new book JOYFUL RECOLLECTIONS OF TRAUMA: https://www.paulscheer.com/my-book Follow Paul Scheer on social media: https://www.paulscheer.com/ http://instagram.com/paulscheer http://www.youtube.com/user/PaulScheerVideos https://www.facebook.com/thepaulscheer/ https://twitter.com/PaulScheer Bonus episodes every week!! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

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Gambling problem? Visit connectsontario.ca. Boppa! Welcome everybody to Stavvy World 904 800 Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We're pumped. We got Paul Sheer on the couch, dude. Thank you for coming, dude. We're huge fans, big fans.

I am a big fan of yours. I'm excited to be in the apartment. And I think I have, and people don't realize this, but I have the best view of this. Of Fat David. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really, really. His cheeks are out. Everyone doesn't know.

It exists in the back, yeah. Yeah, buns out, sun's out, or whatever. I went to Italy a handful of years ago. I say recently because I have kids and everything's out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, within the decade. With kids and COVID, I'm like, I don't know, was it six months or five years ago? But what I was amazed at is when you do look

at these sculptures, everyone is rocking. We're seeing abs, we're seeing abs, we're seeing ball sacks. They're every detail. The detail in nuts is crazy. It really is. Like you see a little vein, you see a little, it's crazy.

It really is, it's like I'm impressed and God bless our sculpture artists And we should be getting back to let's get back to it a ripple I love seeing like this like we should what you know you know we could Our society could compete with these greats wet t-shirt contest Then right the ripple of the wet t-shirt. they didn't have that shit ancient Rome had never created that You're probably right you're right And that's have they ever had if we ever had like a rock hard nipple underneath a wet tunic I don't think so. I mean that's we need

One artist didn't get any respect a bunch of tunics on the back of a chariot, like, hauling ass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna see dick print in a tunic. Until we see that, we have a chance to compete with a great master. So, for our sculptor listeners out there, our sculptor viewers, get sculpting.

Good taint, show us good nip. Show us all. Show us a nice dick outline. Yes, outline. Maybe only half of it. Maybe half the print. I'm not going to tell you how to do your job. You do it your way. Thanks for coming, man. Yeah, like I said, fans since the Human Giant days, the league, all that stuff for real. So super, super pumped to have you here.

Read the book. Listen to the book. That's great. That's the reading. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do a lot of listening. But it is true. It's like, honestly, like, well, why are we holding ourselves to this higher standards? Totally. Yeah.

So you listen, especially no disrespect. It ain't Ulysses. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's fun. But even if it is, it's like, I listen to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is our world. This old tradition. We didn't like, you know, it. This is our world, this is our world tradition. We didn't like, you know, we're sitting around a fire.

You're right, Homer, wow, we're really sucking off the Greek age right now. Between the oral tradition and sculptors, hell yeah, dude. But no, I also, I try to make that book fun too because I love audiobooks and I listen to it. I'm like, I try to add different things, make it more fun, pop it up. It's cool when it's somebody who's entertaining that's doing it like yeah, they treat it like a show like or like

Yeah, yeah, it should be either you were like do it the opposite where it's like way too stately. Yeah, like Ian McKellen I went to Times Square and watched pornography I I cheated a lot. I cheat a lot, but I bet I would on your wife When I was in when I was in NYU, uh-huh. I was a communications major which really shows I really cared about hey, but I was studying you're talking to a political science and Media major over here. So we're talking about never finished my degree. I don't know if you did I did I did quick I got three years. Oh Fucking funny to be like, all right, whatever I gotta do to get through this

stamp the diploma so but so I One of my projects was I went to NYU. So and it was like it was we had to renovate the or like pitch a new idea on how to do like class registration because back then you had to call and then type in your class number. It was like that's insane. This is like it was right on the cusp of internet like I had internet, but no one was like Like yeah incorporating it in so what are we talking? You were talking dial-up? I die like it was like was even like you just call him be like four seven nine No, but I mean internet we'll get back to your story, but what are we doing?

Well like AOLs happen and dial-up is happening. How I think I plugged in at NYU I think I at that point, but no one was using email. How old were you until you jacked off to the Internet? Oh, my God. That's interesting. Like, that's a really interesting question, right? Because I came up in a in a world where I literally found a penthouse, right? A penthouse air freshener.

Wow. You're jacking off to an air freshener. I found a penthouse air freshener. What happens You're taking off doing air freshener. What happens if you get that sent now? It gets hard. Sherry's Sherry's go crazy. Don't put this guy around a Maraschino guy. I can't have a Shirley Temple without jizzing his face.

I got a car wash. I get so hard. I get so angry. Coconut. Oh, fuck. But wow. We had to like, yes, just ideas. So I had a friend who did a good Christopher Walken impression. And I hired him.

I hired him. I told him, hey, can you record the new voice for the automated? Yes, yes. And we did it. And and and then we just I just lied in classes. I know Christopher Walk and I got him to record this thing. And we did it and we got an A plus on this exam. And it was all just because we had a guy just going like, hey, this is it, the A. Don't do that.

But I always feel guilty about that, but I was like, it did that. Wow. That one, you know, it was like. Gravitas. Yeah, the Gravitas. Like Christopher Walken Gravitas,

that fake Walken. Thank you. You know, I don't even do a good Christopher Walken. Yeah, yeah. It's like, just the idea of like, just do it like it does. It levels you up. You have a little something like,

Brian Cox, McDonald's. Would be huge. Oh yeah. Yeah, right? I mean, like, McDonald's the best spokesman of all time It's smart. They should replace that guy The guy the child pornography guy from Jared Jared with Brian Cox, you know, yeah, yeah put him in the big jeans Yeah, I get it. I used to be fat as shit, but I never made a child. Give me head

Maybe yeah, maybe not so on the nose for them, but I would be nice to him in the big jeans but so that I love that that NYU was just like yeah your project is a Make our system better You were just doing work for them It was so weird because that class in particular was a weird class set, but you know, I think back on these things Yeah, what was the class, Stephen? What was it? It was, oh God, I mean, a communications class.

So some bullshit title, but the premise of the class was he would give you a personality profile, the teacher was, and then he was gonna split up the class and you could have one of four options. You get put into groups, do two projects, and each time you do a project, it'd be a different type of group. So the first group would,

or a group would be everybody you hate. Oh wow. People that you work well with, but don't get along with. Like, so it's like good work friends, but not friends. Right, right, right. And then one would be, you get along so well, but you get nothing done. You don't get anything done, yeah.

And so you never know what you had. And so when we got into the group of, we get done. You don't get anything done, yeah. And so you never knew what you had. And so when we got into the group of we get along, we won't get anything done, I was in there with a, I mean, I remember that there's a girl in that class, I was so attracted to her, but she was also, she smelled like liquor at 10 a.m. all the time. Love it, love it. I was like, this is who I wanna be with.

She's 20 maybe, 19? Yeah, 19, 20, I'm like the same way. I'm like, this is the best, But we never, nothing ever, you know, but it was still as a gosh, she's the coolest. But I realized this is, I'm in the group of the party or is the fun people and we're not gonna do it. And that was like my impetus, we're gonna, we're gonna buck the, we're gonna beat the nerd.

We're gonna beat them. And I get my friends record this Christopher Walken thing and we did it. And I think that was the thing. We didn't really do any work. We took that Christopher Walken impression and people are like, oh that is work. I love, that's so funny because I love it because all that also presupposes that your teacher's dumb codification system even made sense. Right. You know what I mean? It's like,

it's like what the fuck does he know? Yeah, it's like so college and wonderful but also dumb as hell. What am I learning from this? Like nothing. It's him. He's doing the experiment. Of course. He's just fucking around. He's trying to get through. He didn't give a fuck. He's a communication professor. That's it. What was NYU like at the time? I remember because you said, is it true that you literally chose it because

Theo Huxtable went to NYU? Was it because I remember because you said is it true that you literally chose it because Theo Huxtable went to NYU Like I was okay, I was okay student, yeah, I But any passion like I felt like I was growing up on my island and it was like everyone's like I'm gonna be a doctor I'm gonna be gonna be a lawyer I'm gonna do this and I wanted to be an actor wanted to be in comedy. I was trying to do that, but not really I don't know how to do that. Of course family that's doing that. No one's showing me the way and I think I was so focused on I want to be this other thing Yeah, yeah, that I wasn't thinking about well what colleges like college, right? You know, my parents are gonna pay for me to be an actor, right?

So they're like it came time like well, where do you want to go? And I was like, I wasn't thinking about well what colleges like college right in my parents are gonna pay for me to be an actor Right, so they're like it came time like well, where do you want to go? And I was like, I don't know You got a pick something that I was like it's so much work to apply to college. Yeah, I don't want to do all that I don't even want to go to college and then one night I was watching the Cosby show and feel hugs was like dad I got accepted to NYU and I was like that's where I'm going Never talking about a name and he went for education. So I went under the educate I was like I went full feel extable. That's crazy. No reason. Yeah, they were like why and I'm like, hey I mean, yeah, but it's crazy. Also, my parents didn't like drill down

They were like, what come on there for like why Because you went for education you ever Seemed like you wanted to do that. I don't even know what that degree You go to education for four years and then you take another yeah You go to grad school and figure out what you want while you also teach and shit like that It's very it's dumb as hell for sure You know, it's like you like and there was not much like it wasn't like it wasn't even communicated They really literally like come like talking like it wasn't like it wasn't like I was like radio or television I was like so base. Holy shit Paul. You know what time it is

It's time to keep it twisted. That's right time to keep it twisted from our friends at twisted tea What a beverage Paul my friend Twisted tea is a refreshing hard iced tea made with real brewed tea and 5% alcohol It tastes like real iced tea because it's made with real tea 5% by volume a little kick, you know I I'm saying? Full of flavor, very refreshing, goes down smooth as hell, no carbonation. Easy to drink all day long no matter where you are. You're hanging with the boys, you're hanging with the fellas. You're out on a romantic date with your sweetheart.

You guys are drinking Twisted Tea's, you know, like it's a champagne flute at a wedding. Whatever it is, Twisted Tea is, you know, like it's a champagne flute at a wedding, whatever it is, twisted tea is there for you. Okay, so remember, here's what I want you to do. Grab a refreshing twisted tea today and keep it twisted. Yeah. I had a great time. I went to got in and out in three years. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I was touring around, because the fun thing about NYU was. Yeah, you're in the city, you're in Manhattan. You're in the city, and I only went to school four days a week, because they were off on Fridays. Wow. So I would tour around the country doing this group called Chicago City Limits,

which was like a, we were talking right before we started recording about like, there's no good version of Torrent. Yeah, Torrent's bad. But I definitely had the worst version of Torrent. Yeah. Ah, you know, I was with this like, off-Broadway improv show. Hell yeah. It was very much like off Broadway improv show.

It was very much like a who's eyes it anyway. Like every time a bell rings, we're going to change what we said. And we were doing. You do the arm thing. You do the arm behind thing. We did that professor where we are. So we would all be, we put on a giant suit.

Oh no. So it's like, ask us whatever. It's like, hi, wait. To the store. And I bought a. And at that time I's like, ask us whatever. It's like, hi, what, two, three, four, five, four, eight. And at that time I was like, I'm making art. Fuck you, look at me, I am the best. I'm in show business, baby. And it would always be like,

now we're gonna do a scene in Shakespeare. Like, where, where art thou, 7-Eleven? And people are like, ah. You know, and, you know, and. Damn. You'd often do these shows know, and, and, and, you'd often do these shows where, like, and look, I was doing these shows, and they weren't like nice venues.

They were like, look, I went. Yeah, where are we playing? Where's the Chicago City Limits playing? I'm playing a lot of community arts centers. Okay. And I don't actually- The rec room of them? Or did you get into the theater? We were in, small, small theater. Did you get into the theater? We were in

Everyone play we were in North Carolina one time We did like a song parody and I dressed as a woman in the song parody and they're like you can't come back tomorrow No men dressing as women you done Like whoa, I thought North Carolina was progressive I I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we got kicked out of that. I remember that. Insane, by the way. Sorry. The idea that that corny ass improv was too dangerous for somebody is so fucking.

Me and a wig, like singing a song about being Janet Reno, I think. I mean, come on. It wasn't like a sex song. It was like, my pussy and my tits. It was nothing. That's so fucking funny. I was just talking about this a little while ago. We would do a lot of bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs.

Okay, wow. So there's like PG. Oh yeah, sometimes, yeah, yeah, yeah. We would always be kind of clean-ish, right? But then they would, you know, a little wink. Hey, we need a profession. A profession and people would be like, proctologistologist and then you'd be like, oh, yeah

Here's some butt jokes stuff, but um, we would just do that You just hole up but I didn't know like you're like how old you know, I'm 19. I'm not drinking Everyone else there's all older than they're all drinking they're like I drink like not like but just to be like, I couldn't drink. I could, you know. So I was much more like the college kid. I liked different stuff.

I had different reference points, you know. Are you bunking, is it like a double tree with two beds? This is what I was gonna tell you. Yes. Like majority of my life, I go with the flow. Like you bring me to places, I'm like, I got it. And then only years later do I realize, oh, that was fucked up.

Right? You know? Right? Like, you know, like at the moment. You know, I'm getting $150 per show, which is not bad. Not bad. Honestly, not bad.

Not bad. You know? And then we would be, you know, it was, we'd only be in a minivan all the time. Like, so we're always, not maybe, but 16 pass. A 16 pass and for your load and every seat has a bag or a person. Yes. And it's like a piano is like wedged in the back. You know, we're driving our four managers on the road and you got your Ross

Perot wig in there somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. I did not have sex with that woman. You know, so doing all this dumb shit, but the worst moment, this is truly like the thing I think back on, there's like moments. So I'm in, you know, and we're in like, you said double tree.

I view double tree as being a classic. I feel like we're like in a step up from like a motel to like between, whatever is between those two. I know well, I've paper mats on instead of like, yeah, right here, you know. And I remember one morning, I was bunking with my friend, two singles or two doubles, whatever it is. And I have never felt this before,

but I heard him jerking off. No! And how old is this guy? This guy is older than me. 35, jerking off. Oh 19 year old fucking kid Here but it's so familiar I'm like trying to like, you know, figure out how long do I pretend to be a sleeper until he finishes? Of course. Oh, and then you gotta hear, and then you gotta pray you don't hear the jizz hit something. Oh, God. You don't wanna hear another man's jizz.

I also was disgusted because it was a room like you're jerking off in the, like, you're like, save that shit for the shower. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you're like, jerking me. It's in the air,'re like it's in the air man I think that gives me oh Yeah, now and then I jerk it off in that bed next to me I was like they didn't understand that a solo room was an option. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah, of course You don't know any like me my first tour It was I was opening for my friends were like in an alt comedy thing. And it was like, Sprinter Van would be nice. It's like we have one SUV that is there's

someone's in the middle seat, right? We're just you know, we're doing the whole thing. It was like, and we're sleeping on floor sometimes the vent at the venue we're sleeping at. And it was like, if we got a hotel room, it was like, okay, well, there's five people in this hotel room. And it's like, you're lucky to get the... It's like sometimes people will be like, I'll just do the floor. You know what I mean? It's like...

Oh, I've slept on the floor. I've slept in like... Yeah. Like we slept in vans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's like those things are just like... But you just get used to it. And it's like there's a fun adventurousness to it.

Of course. You're also not... It's like there's a fun adventurousness to it. But you love it. Of course, you're also not, it's so less sad for you. Yes. Than everyone else. Right, because it's, you know what I think, look, I really firmly believe that if you're doing this business, like whatever it is, you need to be eating shit a lot, right?

What's that question? Every person I meet who ascends so quickly, I'm like, you don't know what it's like to be on the other end. I think that actually makes you a better person. For sure. And it also like lets you understand, just like we're all in it, we're all in it together. Yeah.

And I feel like I look back on it, I'm happy to have been doing that at 19, 20 and 22. Of course. Than to do it at like 35 and be jerking off next to a 19 year old. Like I don't wanna be doing that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, you don't want to be the looper

in that situation where it's like switches and it's like you look and it's like 19 year old you and you're the one jacking off. You're like, yeah. Yeah, no, but you know, I think that that's a thing that like I feel like it's also great because you appreciate wherever you are. I feel like I go on the road now,

I love going on the road, I try to make it as comfortable for, because often a lot of that stuff falls on me as far as organizing certain elements of it. We have core manager, we have people, everybody's great. But I wanna make sure it's a fun experience, but it also is like, whenever it's bad, and it's never that bad anymore,

but when it's bad, it's like Well, it could be a yeah, I could have a fucking job. Yeah But I also think it just it also like you respect the people in the spot more it's like I don't know I just think like I think that when you see it on such a Base of or no one gives a fuck about like, you know, it's like you're dumb. You're just like you're here tonight. Great I mean, you know, no's like, people are like, you're here tonight? Great. Like, you don't give a, no, you're nothing to any, like, you're just a fucking animal.

If they're there, they're there by accident. Yes, yeah. Like that, I mean, so much of stand-up comedy when you're starting New York is fucking up someone's nice evening. Yeah. How many times, I don't know if improv is the same way, but it's like, I assume, assume you don't like stand-up shows

There'd be a hopping bar on a fucking Wednesday or something and and people are assuming. It's a fucking Wednesday I'm here to grab a beer with my friends and then some fucking idiot is like hey guys shows gonna be starting about five minutes And they're like clearing out an area and it's like and you just and then if you're like when I was in New York You know what they were doing. was even worse they do it at laundry rooms I'm just trying to wash my shit and you couldn't check out as much as you could now like now I could pop on my headphones I'm just gonna be watching sure Lou but uh but like it's funny like I love I love going on the road. I love seeing stuff. I like I just I do love that energy.

But you're but you're right. Like you also have fucked up people's nights in those early moments. I remember we went to the Mall of America. I played Knuckleheads. Love that part of the Minnesota Minnesota Improv Festival. Now what the Minnesota Improv Festival did not tell the Friday night at 8 o'clock audience at Knuckleheads was that they were a part of the Minnesota Improv Festival. Those people came in and they were like I'm here to see stand up. Yeah where's

Dice? Yeah and we came on that stage and within the first five minutes I'm introducing the show. It was like kill yourself Oh Remember being on stage with Rob Riggle marine who's been through shit like looked at me and I looked at him He's like oh, let's go. I'll fuck out of here. You know we did like a 40 minute show in 15 minutes Yeah, go go go and no one's upset when you finish early like that. No, they're ready to go. They're ready to get the fuck out. That's so funny to be touring, because that really must have felt so,

honestly, even glamorous when you're 19 or whatever. And so you were just in class, so you realized I'm not gonna get a real job. Because you talk about having this dormant idea of wanting to be an actor or something, and then you're like. I think, look, I wish I could say, I knew I was gonna be an actor

and I didn't care about college. I didn't really have a plan. Yeah. I wanted to be doing this. I didn't know how to do it. No one led me to it. So it was like, I stumbled into a lot of it, right? And I think.

Well, how'd you get into that? There's no student, because I would assume maybe you do some student shit But like this sounds like something that was not even like culturally up your alley that you kind of stumbled into the crazy thing Was my parents have been divorced for a long time and I would spend the weekends with my dad who lives in Queens Oh, you lived in Queens. I weren't Queens right now. I love it. Love it. My dad was in flushing Oh not far. Yeah, not that far. You get You get the Chinese food as a kid must have been insane. Amazing.

That was my dad's, I remember it still. Go bother the guy that lives there, guys. Go knock on his door. Tell him Paul sent ya. Hey, go on the tour of my young childhood. Knock on that door, side door. I bet you've been ripped down and put up condos. Yeah, 100%.

But, you know, so I would spend the weekends with my dad. And being so close. Your mom, you're on Long Island, and your dad's in Queens. Yeah, and so, you know, so close to the city, my dad and I would just do fun, cool shit. We'd go see movies, we'd go see, you know, comedy, whatever I could get into, because I'm a young kid.

But I remember my dad took me to see Deaf Comedy Jam at Westbury music fair. That's so Best we saw that's incredible. It was amazing and I brought my friends, you know like and it was so funny cuz my dad didn't want it to support but also didn't know exactly what he was like Right, right, right, you know, like so going into Def Comedy Jam. I would argue that we were like this is probably 94 I mean that's it's the peak. The absolute peak. Right, and so we are, we're going.

And you're how old, I'm sorry, have you been working? I'm like, I'm in high school. Like, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so funny. So we're going to a deaf comedy jam or, you know, and it was so much fun and my dad and I would go see George Carlin every year. Cool.

At Mass at Square Garden, we'd see him and then we'd balanced it out. And then my dad was a big fan and still is of Garrison Keillor. So we go see Garrison Keillor. So you see a lot of different stuff. I remember one time we even went to the Radio City Music Hall and saw Martin Lawrence and the You So Crazy tour. Oh, my God.

When he's getting like banned from NBC for talking about women washing their pussies on SNL. And I think that was like the first joke that he opened with and my dad's like, I don't know, I don't know what's going on, you know. But it was dad. Yeah, that's awesome. So your dad, so this is interesting

because like I assume you were like always a big, you're like a big movie kid, you're like a big culture. Is that your dad's thing? Was that how you guys bonded? Was that what he was into? I think he introduced me to all that sort of stuff. Like I remember he would tape SNL on Saturday nights when I was too young to stay up for it. And we'd watch it on Sunday mornings.

He'd eat like pancakes and watch SNL. But he brought me into the city one time because we were trying to find these comedy shows. What could we see? And there was a group called, which I eventually joined, Chicago City Limits. And I saw it. I was there doing improv. And I'd never seen improv.

Holy fuck. It was like a magic trick. limits and I saw it as they were doing improv and I never had seen improv of course, holy fuck display that for him like a magic trick. Yeah. I'm like, whoa, that's amazing. Listen, who's lying? I'm in I was in when as a kid when I would pop up on TV. It was fucking awesome. You're just watching you're like, I want that. And so I started taking so I went there so much because they had two shows a night and it was like a $10 ticket. So my dad I would be like we go see the next year my dad's like yeah sure you know I'm a cheap date You know yeah, you know we go see the 8 o'clock and the you have a short form improv super fans They were doing like they were doing these shows and Occasionally they would do like telethons and like John Stewart was doing stand-up there

And it was like you'd see like a bunch of cool gotcha. Yeah, yeah so I was like I I wanna take classes. And I went and I took classes. And not realizing that no kid my age was gonna take classes. Like I walk into a classroom of like people in their 30s and 40s taking classes and they're not trying to be comedians,

they're just trying to be like, I work, I am a school teacher, I wanna be more loose for my kids. Yeah, right. And something that's happened to modern improv now is it has become the worst bowling league of all time. Oh, I mean, well, that's like, and that's it, like this high's and low's and all this shit.

Right? You know, because you were a UCB guy later on, but I remember when I first moved here, and this was 10 years ago, so UCB's like a corporate structure at this point. Right, yeah, right, right. And I took, and you know, you moved to New York and shit's not going good.

When you first move from a secondary, smaller city, it sucks. So I'm like, I'm not gonna get stage time. I've always, I love improv comedians. Let me take some classes. And I went twice and it was like, accountants that were sure they were gonna be on SNL with no, with like like no like no sense of

anything I was like I have to go you see and I ate them I had no money I was like I would rather eat the money yeah keep coming to this it had become three hours yeah it's like and I feel like you know when we when I was doing UCB and I was there from the very beginning oh wow you know when they first opened their first I was there seeing them when they were doing shows on a fifth floor walk up on 17th Street. Wow. And then they opened up their first theater. Where? What part of town? Right off of 17th and 5th. Oh wow. Right around there. Holy shit. So it was a solo arts group and we'd walk up and you know see this show but it blew my mind the first time. Yeah. And when we first opened up that

theater I mean I said we they it, we were performing all the time because they needed slots. Three shows a night, they were just gonna be like, we have a theater, we're not gonna be dark ever. You know, you have $5 tickets, it was amazing, right? And we would do so many shows, but I think back then, it was a mix of improv and standups and everything, and sketch and characters and everything.

Because the way I met Aziz Ansari when did human giant like that was because Aziz was hosting a show called Crash Test and his whole premise was I want a stand-up show But I want to host it with improvisers and I want to bring in other people and the first week he brought in Rob The second week he brought in me Oh cool, and then we started making things and it just and then crash just became something of like all three of us Which was like bits and things and we'd but you'd have comics working out shit and it was like a more fun vibe and I don't know where that ended because when I left it was still kind of like that but I've heard it kind of got a

little yeah yeah I mean what anytime it's anytime anything becomes huge it's fucked yes no no things are good for a while and then they either disappear or they become some fucking horrible corporate I mean, well, I'm saying it's horrible, but it's like no you check capital, you know, not you get funny It's it's about a check and then when you also when you fucking rent four places in Manhattan The money's got to keep coming in and you be and then everybody who that initial group of people It's like well, they're the establishment now. Amy Poehler is one of the funniest people of all time, but she was like, you can't be more like, you're not a fucking rebel anymore when you're a millionaire

who's on NBC and like, you know what I mean? Well, and the other thing is, it's like, the thing about UCB, I think, that's really interesting, is they were launched as a, I wanna say it the right way that I feel like, as a cult of personality. Those four, right, they were, that was UCB. Then my group was the group right under that,

which is, you know, I could list off the names, it goes everywhere. Tons of really funny people for sure, yeah. It's like Zach Woods and Rob Riggle and Ben Schwartz and like, I mean, Adam Pally, I mean, the Woods and Rob Riggle and you know Ben Schwartz and like I mean it like Adam Paley I mean, I'm the list goes on and on. Yeah and We you know and even even like Ben and Zach they're way younger than me

So it's like we were with that first forefront of people We kind of tried to adopt that ethos and then we were copying them and then people Copying us and then it's the Xero shit where it gets like kind of fuzzy around the edges. Yeah. And then when we start to leave, then, you know, everything is becoming a little less and less. And because it gets more and more popular. You know, we were our first theater. Well, I said that the first shows I was doing was on a five floor walk up.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. It's that shit is fucking awesome. And it's like and then it's just but that's the cycle of everything right you just kind of and it's and I think what it is is you have to do you have to hold on really I remember I had a conversation with somebody about this because Well actually with the person who bought UCB. I was like you can't just Buy you see me. That's that sentence right there says everything right? Yeah the person who bought UCB

Yeah, it's not it shouldn't be an entity sold and no one if it is No one should have that amount of money and anyone who has that amount of money is gonna do it wrong Or not billionaire When I was talking to him I was like you like you don't autumn it's not like you buy Like the Celtics. Yeah, right like the cell you'd be like, oh I have a history I have a thing it's like you have to the the thing that is UCB is The talent the cultivator. Yeah, yeah making sure people come they're making Jake

It's not doesn't run on itself. Like you take the soul right right it's not the show right anymore and that way I think that now I think they definitely in LA they've kind of I think they've figured out how to Give it back to the performers a little bit because when it gets away from the performers in that energy It's like I don't want to perform there. Yeah B It doesn't feel like a place. I want to just go even just yeah, right, right We just saw a corporate thing and it's like it's a weird. It's a weird middle ground It's like it's hard to lose it. So it's so quick. It's like your clubhouse becomes like this other thing And that's the price of success. I mean it it's pretty much dark, you know, the wisdom of the you know

Daya villain or whatever hero Whoever the fuck said it that's pretty much what happens all the time man And I think it and I think the only way that you can like it's hard to do that for organizations And I think for like human beings it's easier because you can be like oh, I want to see new stuff I want to challenges. I think there's two types of people I've run into like people who are like I'm I am angry and jealous of somebody who's having success Somebody who's doing something that in a way that I don't understand it or there are people who look at it being like holy shit That's inspiring. Yeah. Yeah, I saw Mary last night

Wait to see that it's so fucking great. Yeah, and and I look at that thing. Cola school is so fucking funny It's so funny. Yeah, and everyone in that cast so good, but you look at that thing and I'm like so fucking funny. Cola is so funny. And everyone in that cast is so good. But you look at that thing and I'm like, oh this is inspiring to me. And I feel like if you can still have that, you have to have a naivete to come. I think once you lose that, the only, I've met a bunch of different people,

but one of the people who embodies that for me is like Will Ferrell. Every time I meet that guy, he's like, oh I'm doing something weird, I'm gonna try something different, I'm gonna go on this YouTube show, I'm gonna do this other thing. It's like, you need that ability to be like, oh I don't give a fuck, I'm still this person at heart,

I'll put on a funny costume and I'll do, I'm not precious about who I am or what I do. And I feel like once you lose that or once you feel like you're, then you cease to, you know. It sticks up on people. Yeah, I could also be eating. It could also be the eating the shit thing, right? He could be like, yeah, I remember that shit. It's like, you know, and it's and maybe there's a little bit of like

fundamentally being like, I can't take myself too seriously. I'm a fucking idiot. I'm a fucking idiot piece of shit, which is something I have. Like, like, I don't deserve to be in any like half of the shit that's gone on I'm like, this is stupid like being in a big theater makes no sense Like I should be in the shittiest club in the world. So it all feels fun, right? It's like you're but I also feel like your enthusiasm you want to be there. It's like that's what they like Yeah, it's like it's crazy. Like that fact like that's us that again and go back to that. Oh Mary. I'm like that's on fucking Broadway

Yeah, Broadway. That's fucking great. Like that's crazy. That's oh shit. That's a subvert like that fact like that's us that again I go back to that omerium like that's on fucking Broadway yeah Broadway that's fucking great like that's crazy that show should that's a subvert like that show that could have been done or made like look I remember seeing Gutenberg the musical when Anthony King put it up at UCB and it grew out of that and then it became a thing on off-road and then it came back to like it's like oh yeah you that's the trajectory of like yes something like that you know and it's like I don like, oh yeah, that's the trajectory of seeing stuff. Yeah, something like that. And it's like, I don't know, it's fun to understand that our job at the end of the day is still to be like,

not an asshole, but make, be, we're having a party. Have a good time, yeah. And you do have to be fun, I do think, it was interesting, because I didn't know, I was a huge fan, but you don't know, I don't know much about, I didn't know much about you because I think stand-ups, I think it's a little different. But also just like in your work,

it doesn't necessarily come through that like, you know, it's not as autobiographical, I guess. Yeah, yeah, you can hide behind characters and dumb stuff, you know, stuff like that. And I feel like it's, but yeah, and then I feel like that's the thing that like kind of, what I just, what I really do Love is just I think eating shit is always good. I don't want to eat too much shit

Yeah, but it's like to like I just took a stand-up class. I'm Stand-up, that's Larry and I was like what I don't know if I mean there's no you didn't have to do that You didn't learn anything. You didn't. You know what it was? There was a part of me that was like, oh man, I've never done this. And just for the exercise of, I'm not gonna be like, now I'm gonna go on coach.

But I just like, I wanted the exercise of being like, this is something I'm not comfortable doing. I get on stage a bunch, I can talk a bunch, but I didn't know how to like write to that. I mean, and I still am not saying I do, but I didn't know how to like write to that I mean, you know, and I still not saying I do but it's like but I it was uncomfortable to go to that Yeah, yeah me I get it. It's a it's a different It's a completely different form But I guess what I what I was really getting at was like, you know

I don't you just I don't know much about it was just interesting to see that how you know for I mean the title is What's the thing? I've got full recollectections of trauma trauma how fucked up your shit was? Is it's like you seem like you do seem like an insanely positive guy But I think what it comes down to is like eating shit is not only your career I do think there is a personality thing of like when you go through it and you come out the other side because like You you know you just fucking got through a lot of crazy shit Yeah, your childhood was the divorce like you know yeah step Your stepdad being like a fucking trucker a Long Island trucker. Yeah kind of a blue chip

Yeah, shitty stepdad to have That man's a you know all pro But yeah what I mean? But yeah, no, I mean, that part of my life that I talk about in the book, because it really isn't like a showbiz book per se. No, no, it's really not. I wanted to make it something that I felt like would be relatable to people.

Sometimes I'm also like, save that shit for Barbara Streisand. Like she can talk about, oh, and I won the Oscar and I did this and I was traveling with the Pope. And I'm like, I knew when they wouldn't book me at Dead Crow Comedy Club that I would, it's like no one cares about a comedian's story. David Cross at our show was funny and I knew. And it was, and that was a huge thing for me,

but it's not gonna be a great story. But I, you know, it's like. But you know, it's like that, I never really, I don't like lead with it, I don't, because it was, I think part of it was like, you keep your light, I was told, my family was brought up, I don't know how it is, like I'm Italian, right? And it was like, you know, we keep our shit behind

closed doors, indoors is gonna be crazy. I'm going to funerals where people are lifting people out of coffins going, no, Joey, Joey! You know, and there are people that are having grudges that they'll never talk to, people are not talking. But it's like, you don't bring it outside of the family. And you keep your- Italians really love to pretend they're in the mafia.

Oh my God, my God, my God. Even when it comes to just being. It's like, it is such a, it's a point of pride. And look, the truth is, it's like, I, well, I and my grandfather went to jail for being the president of a bank and he, like, well, he didn't go to jail technically. He went to community service. Because he was in a bank that was like,

kind of run by these mafia guys. And the way that he didn't go to jail, they all went to jail, but was that all this paperwork, that was like the most damning paperwork happened on the day that he had his kidney removed. And they signed all of his names on it. Like they basically was like, he's out of the office.

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Said all this documentation, which is a crazy thing. And it's like, and I went to those people's houses and those that that might be Yeah, yeah, yeah the people who like you have you have people who like wanna act like they're in the mafia who are nowhere near it And then you see that are actually in it. You're also like oh shit like something Italian it's a lot. It's a lot of shit going on and so when your parent your parents got to work for you were really young So were they would did you did your dad move to Queens after were you all like was your family a Long Island family? Or where they were your parents like me my mom stayed in Long Island my dad moved to Queens, but he's from there

My dad grew up in Connecticut. Okay, so but he but he worked in the Bronx gotcha And so I think Queens is like a nice middle ground and the place that he stayed at was a member of our families ago I have a like a duplex So it was like, you know, I don't even know all those details, but I'm just putting shit together How did you have your parents meet? Do you know? I believe they met in college, okay, you know, so my dad was at st John's my mom was a nurse and going to nursing school gotcha But when they got divorced,

or their marriage was falling apart, they pretended it wasn't for me. So my parents got divorced at three, but stayed together till I was five. So I was living in this house where I would come, you know, I would be like, I'd sometimes catch my dad sleeping in the guest room. I'm like, what's going on?

You know? And my mom was like, oh, the bed is broken. And I'm like, I'd sometimes catch my dad like sleeping in the guest room. I'm like, what's going on? You know? And my mom was like, oh, the bed is broken. And I'm like, okay. So it's really not a talk about the problems family. No, it's a pretend to be in a marriage until our son is smart enough to figure it out. My dad literally would leave the house on like when I went to bed and then get there before I woke up so I feel like he was there

that's fucking not you know and so you know and that kind of shit like that also like kind of like Zings around in your head a little bit too cuz like you're living with a Truman show for right Yeah, right. I mean that's insane. You know and like and also that age is like such a Intuitive age cuz you don't know shit right you're like a little like yeah yeah babies do weirdly get vibes you know so I'm like three years old but I'm getting I remember that I remember catching my dad in the in that room and my mom's like oh yeah the beds broken I'm like which is a great metaphor for divorce but also like this idea like but that that sticks out to me for a reason I remember trying to get them to hug, right? Go hug each other.

Like, you know, like I knew somebody, but I didn't want to ask you. That's so weird, yeah. But I didn't even know what if I knew what to ask, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And even when they got divorced, it wasn't like we're getting a divorce. It was like, oh, we're moving,

your dad's gonna move over here and I'm gonna move over here. And you get to be, and it was like, it was a little like, and again, I'm young, but what are you gonna tell a five-year-old? Like, I'm like, you know. Sure, sure, sure. I don't know how you have that conversation.

I have an eight year old and a 10 year old. But come on, you don't pretend to be married. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? But I think it's one of those things. My parents I think are trying to be like, this is the thing that I, as a parent now, I have empathy. Sure, for sure.

Because I think that you go, oh, they were trying to do their best. And how old were they? And they fucked up. I have empathy sure because I think that you go. Oh They were trying to do their best and how old were they fucked up? My parents I got the idea there when they were in their 20s. Yeah, so like Mid 20s when you know, it's like I just and not that they it's not even like forgiveness It's like oh, they're just like, okay. How do we not make this traumatic? We'll do this other thing that could potentially be even more traumatic, but we, but they weren't thinking about that. And you know, they're not looking in,

they're not going to therapy, they're not running these ideas by, you know, look, I come from a Catholic church, you know, before you get married, you have to sit with a priest to tell you what marriage is like. It's like, what the fuck is that? Like, you know, it's like, you know,

that's not the person that you should be talking to, like that, you know, it's like, but we're like, yeah, we go, we take catechism, with the priest, it's like, this guy's married to God, you know? But it's like, you know it's like yeah we go we take we take catechism right right like the guy's married to God yeah you know you know but it's like you do these things that make no sense and I think that like I don't know again maybe it's my own parents but this idea like we have to keep up appearances like we're trying to yes we're trying to do that's definitely an immigrant I don't know how

you know that is certainly a Greek thing for like in first-generation it sounds like you're more we're talking more American you know East Coast Italian but it's still anyone in the church my grandparents parents came from Italy yeah I mean it's you know it's two yeah yeah but and it's it's still kind of running around in the in especially like the the tri-state area it was definitely that was still kind of like the culture there the keeping up appearances thing for sure. And then you were just, you know. I mean, because I was inclined,

and this thing makes me feel like, I'm fucking old when I say this, but it does, like, no one else was divorced. Like, I was in school. Oh wow, that's interesting. I never. People are like, what's divorce? Oh, and people come over,

and Paul, tell them what your parents are like. I'm like, oh. Like, you know, it's like, and I was like, that's a person that like, oh, does it have to explain, like, oh, my parents aren't together. My parents aren't together. Now, I think that like, as I got a little bit older, it really started to, the wave crashed.

We were just the first ones, you know, yeah. Early adopters. Early adopters to divorce. Damn. So you must have had some of the first fun weekends at dad's in America. Yeah, I mean, I'm in those moments. You know what I think?

It probably also is like, it's the, I feel like, you know, it was just a weird thing to be like, oh, my dad comes and picks me up and my dad does this. And it was like, and they were very separate, but they were also together. And they did so much to continue to like. They still had a good relationship while you were.

They did, it's funny. My mom and dad, their relationship got bad when I turned 30, which was so odd, right? But it was like one of these things. What happened? What do you think? I think what it is is like, you fake it so long and then all of a sudden,

it's not like what happened as much as like the dam broke. It's like I can only keep this shit at bay. And you tell yourself. And they've both been remarried a couple times? My mom has been remarried but my dad, it actually, the thing that is interesting in a way is that what happened was when my dad got remarried That kind of burst open the damn, you know, and I and I think it's like make sense. Yeah, right It's like on some level

You're dealing with it's easy like what? You know, I don't know your relationship status, right? Yeah, like single right so ready to mingle single, ready to mingle. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Come on out the queen. You can stay at my dad's house. We'll go say what's up to Paul's dad's house. We'll get some dumplings in Flushing.

But you know, but I think it's so kind of crazy is that my there's a thing like even in the worst relationships, you're like, oh, if we break up, you don't want to see that person with somebody else. Yeah, right. Absolutely. And it would almost be great if if we break up you don't want to see that person with somebody else yeah right absolutely and it would almost be great if you could break up with somebody and they never got with somebody else or they disappeared they just like you know what man I'm going to Europe I never we have to play rock-paper-scissors one of us moves to fucking get out Portugal never gonna see them again yeah and I think you know in a way

unintentionally, that's what my dad did. He didn't get remarried. There's no like anger. So once he gets remarried, it's almost like that damn. Oh, interesting. So it was on your dad's side, not your mom's. Because when you're saying this, I'm thinking like,

well, your dad, because I read he seems like a nice guy. And it also seems like, not to, it's like there could be, not knowing them at all. It's like your mom was in other relationships There could be kind of like a your mom didn't like the fact that he finally found someone your mom felt like she had Both her needs kind of covered. Yeah, but by her your dad was still a part of her life in a way So that once he gets married it fucks her up I would never have assumed it would have fucked him up to where he's kind of mad. Oh, sorry you are Yeah, you you you you analyze that thank you great. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's yeah

That's really what happens. So then when he got married when he got married you're like, yeah It was like boom. Yeah, and that's 30 years later. He gets married married like I was nothing Wow, that is fucking fascinating dude. Yes, absolutely too polite or too passive because you're like too passive, right? Cuz that's that was there in a little fucking box waiting to be on and it's just like it just showed I mean, yeah, I'm I box waiting to be on and it's just like it just showed I mean yeah, I'm I This is getting because my my family were going through some the family There's a little rearranging going on the family and I'm trying to get I wasn't close to my dad for years I'm trying to get back to it, and we're having real conversations, but it's so clear Shit bothers him from so long ago that you're like

How the fuck are you still talking about in the the idea that your mom? Would be like just never dealt with those never dealt with those got used to a yeah weird Codependent thing and like you know it's just so fascinating And I don't mean to be like I don't mean to be like therapy is the catch-all of all But it's like if you're not going and working like yeah, if someone's forcing you to deal with it, you will never deal with it. Yeah. Yeah. And and it's and you know, and that and that's when it happens. And that's when it fucking explodes. That's why I think most of MSNBC, those like my murdered my husband, I murdered.

It's like, that's all that shit is. That's like he never closes the garage door. And like one day he farts. It's like, I have to. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it's like it's day he farts, it's like I have to kill this guy. You know, it's like we repress so much. I think part of the book, it was interesting because I wrote it, I was like, I've been doing How to Skip Made, this podcast, for like 15 years, I've been telling these funny stories,

unintentionally, like right here. It just pops up. Right, it just pops up. I just say, I don't know what's gonna come out. And people write a book, write a book. I'm like, yeah and okay. Yeah. All right sure and then that's easier said than done It's either want to write a book annoying. Yeah, you're a fucking you got into comedy Yeah, so I started writing those those anecdotes and I was like, oh but this is like There's no there there, you know and and as I was writing it, I was like,

well, if I'm telling this story, I have to kind of tell this part of the story. And then it just started to open up. And in a weird way, like I'm glad I wrote the book when I did because I think I have the benefit of working on myself and reflection. Like I was able to look at it in a way, like if I wrote this 10 years ago,

it would have been a different book. It may have been an angry book. It may have been a book, you know? But it's like, at it in a way, like if I wrote this 10 years ago, it would have been a different book. It may have been an angry book. It may have been a book, but it's like, but I was able to start to be outside of it and be like, oh, this is actually, I can talk about this, I can get into it. Enough time has passed where you're like, you know what, let's actually look at it.

It's not as raw for me. You've actually gone through some shit. And I think part of it is being forced to go through it. And it's like, And whether you like it or not, you went through it. Yeah, and I'm not gonna say, oh, there's one therapist, and I do have to have five sessions on betters. Yeah, it was a little bit of therapy,

then that's a little bit of in relationships, trying new things, doing new things. You're growing as a person, and I feel like some people are very content to stay. I mean, we're just talking about it with performing too. It's like, you can be like, I am who I am and I'm gonna stay who I am because they know it's safe. And the minute you do that, you atrophy, you die.

And I think on some level, it's not saying that you have to like go in there and be like, the world is amazing. I'm not saying you have to go become like Deepak Chopra, but it's like, but I think that actually the other shit that you, when you examine yourself, you actually get to funnier places too, cause you actually go there you can actually be like oh I can If I know something about me that I would never you go deeper down

Oh, that's interesting and the same thing with comedy. It's like if you see something like That makes me angry. It's a wise that make you angry You're like well, you know like there's let angry for different reasons or jealous for different reasons and did this like because I feel like you're talking about A lot of repression that you're kind of growing you're growing up around and you seem like a you know not a truly nice dude, and you're in a good zone right now, but there must have been like Rebellious like that stuff must have bubbled out of you at some point. I thought I really your time really your violent Yeah, well, you know fucking funny. I would your time really you were violent. Yeah

Fucking funny. I would never have guessed you fought, you know, because it was like I was coming from this abusive household. Yeah where we like a guy was bigger than me, right, so I'm I'm trying to figure out how to You know survive is a weird word, but it's like I'm just trying to fight fair how to fight back Yeah, yeah, and so I learned after a couple years this oh if I fight dirty I actually get I get a little bit I can get something yeah yeah right you know and that gave me some power like that I didn't have as a kid you know you're and so as I hit harder he hit harder but at least I was hitting yes right you know and it gave it and I'd walk away not feeling as bad. Sure.

And then what I realized was. Get a couple licks in. Yeah, right. I'll kick in the balls, I'll give you a fucking hit. It feels good, yeah. Violence feels good. It does, it does. It actually really does.

When you're powerless, you know. Yeah. Again, MSNBC, that's why people are getting in. But then what I realized was that started to take over throughout my whole life. It was sort of like that started to take over throughout my whole life Right like it was sort of like that quick to anger that you know You know and then you would and it's like well wait hold on then you have to be like well Who am I yeah?

I'm now gonna be now I'm this guy that I didn't want even now I'm gonna go fuck up smaller guys than me and then I'm just him Yeah, I want to be that and, so then my first reaction was like, well, I won't be angry at all. I'm gonna shut it off. And for a long time I was like, I am not angry. I was like, hey, you pissed me off. It's okay, we'll figure it out.

Right. And it took me a long time to like, I mean, I'm just like to open that door to anger again and be like, it's okay to have anger. It's okay. As long as the, like I only had one version be like, it's okay to have anger, it's okay. As long as, like I only had one version of it, which is like to 10. And it went from zero to 10 immediately.

It's like, oh no, that can be angry at two, I can be angry at four. I can get to 10 if I need to. But I don't, it's control over it. That was, I think that was like a learned process. But anger was the thing for you as a kid when you weren't like a drug kid, you weren't like a booze. No, I mean I grew up Catholic, no, I mean, I'm Catholic.

So I'm like, I'm not going to be doing drugs. Oh, wow. You know, that worked. But you say that you're like, oh, yeah, of course, every Catholic kid I know never fucked or did drugs at 12. Right. You know what I mean? Yeah, I think it was, you know, I think I was also really surrounded by the Catholic school I went to, like no one was doing that. Like, it's like my other interesting.

And they're like, oh, I was smoking weed in high school. I mean, occasionally I'd see a cigarette around. I mean, I drank, I remember I could put down a whole six pack of Zima, you know, fucking Rolling Rock and shit like that at parties. But it wasn't too excess. It wasn't too, it didn't actually, because I was lying, to a certain extent,

I was lying to myself. Like that shit covers up when it's on the surface. It's like I feel better when I'm like this. I'm like no, I convinced myself I am better, I don't need this. And then it was so, it was like, it was deeper. Deeper, darker down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's one of those things where if you had gotten into it, it probably would have been bad. Yeah, right, yeah. Because if you actually, yeah, I can see that. And you know, or like it's, I think what would have been interesting, but if I never shut off the anger, and then I started drinking or doing drugs,

it would have been like, but I think I had the wherewithal there, I don't wanna be that, so I really tried to fight against it, but also those things, you know, it could make me lose control. For sure for sure and the whole thing I wanted was control Did you have control is so did you ever have like it? Yeah, so that makes so much sense to wanting control Yeah, so you don't want to get fucked up and lose it

Yeah, so did you have any kind of vice type thing was he were you just obsessive about? Literally like movies and pop culture stuff. Yes, what it was. I was it like I mean I was like I love movies I love comedy. I love, and it was, that was like a gateway, that was like an entry point to like just another world, right? And I think also it's like, I think that, pop culture definitely were like these things I held onto, these trinkets, these things,

these things that meant something to me it gave me like Like some sturdy, you know, like, you know, yeah, I'm collecting my movie tickets for boogie nights or whatever I have my shit, you know, it's like and I love this my shit I'm guessing we're not getting any pussy either at this age. No It was interesting though because I had were you I know I had you had a girlfriend high school or Yeah, both. Oh, you know it was I'm saying no rescinded. No, but you know what it was like I was I was so

Unaware of what I wanted. Yeah, so like I had not and this is like Whatever make don't make fun of this, but I'll say a lot of girls came to me. Well, hell yeah. Right. And so in my way, I was like, oh, this is so nice. Yeah, of course. Like it wasn't like I was grateful for that. And I was like, do I want to be with this?

Wow. Right. Because it was like, OK, well, if someone's giving me this thing or wanting to come to me, like I it's almost like I didn't even have that much authority over what I really want. Sure, sure, sure. You know, so they have to find myself. You're still passive in those relationships. I find myself getting into these long-term relationships

and I'm like, oh, I don't even know if I wanted to be here in the first place. Yeah, right, right, right. You know, and that is a different thing. And I'm not like, oh, I was treating them badly or whatever. But it was like, I was so like putting myself like last. That it was like, oh yeah, I don't wanna make her upset

so I'm gonna continue to go out. Here's the last eight months of my life. Yeah, I mean, I remember I talked to a friend one time, he's terrible relationship with marriage. And I was like, dude, like, it's bad. And I was like, dude, like it's bad. Yeah. And he was like, yeah, but I mean like what, what? I got 40 more years of it. But you know, but that's the shit. That's the thing. It's like you can walk yourself into these decisions. I don't want to hurt

anybody. I know what it feels like to be hurt. You know? And then you know and I think that at the end of the day you start to realize like well Then you're not also living your own life, and you know I like this guy very may feel no no no We're gonna get there. We're gonna get to make fun of these people very soon I'm just I'm just interested because yeah, it's a very specific kind of Yeah, like a perk to the reaction to a traumatic, you know, an abusive childhood plus. I don't wanna rock the boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because like you come home in an abusive household. It's like, what's gonna, like I didn't have an alcoholic parent, but if I did, I imagine it would be very similar. Come some days super nice, some days fucking crazy. You know, some nights good, some days bad. And that's, and my job was, was in many respects not to rock that boat Yeah, I'm not gonna be responsible for him going off

Totally, you know I'm not gonna be responsible for and she just kind of kept into that like let's fucking fucking mellow a nice You did not no splash on that die. Yeah Like easy like so it's like where do you want to have dinner it's like you know Olive Garden but great I got our you know I have no opinion yeah and I and I and and what I think was good and bad about that was I mean look I'm not saying these relationships are devoid of emotion sure but they weren't like I wasn't myself but nor did I actually even know myself enough to totally not be myself Yeah, I was like a dr. Jekyll mr. Hyde

But I think what I would realize is You go away and when there was no one around You could be Yourself. Yeah Finally and like so that's not how you should feel right again when you're away from the people you love the most right and like When I was on tour and stuff stuff I beg oh, I like this Version it was almost a peek at setup. It wasn't a version of me. That was like fucking let's blow it up. It was just Doing what I want you wanted. Hey this guy jacking off next to me not so bad. Yeah, I'm like now

Well, let's take let's take some questions here. I think you're very you're sorry Yeah, sorry to get into it. Just it's just no. I really like I want to bring down your honor No, no, they get it. I always feel like whenever I talk about this stuff sometimes people like but holes get tight This is like a fake therapy show. This is like It's like a completely unlicensed legally you can't get me now Yeah, this is not real advice, but I am very interested in how people Just cuz fight I have so many vices and it's like, you know so much stuff So I'm interested in like and it's not we came from different situations for sure But it's like anger was definitely the big thing that shaped my childhood as well. And so I'm just interested in

Seemingly no vices really, you know what I mean? And so I'm just interested in seemingly no vices really, you know what I mean? That you had. But those vices are almost more, like yes, there are no outward vices, right? Like I'm not smoking, I'm not drinking, I'm not doing drugs. But I'm almost doing like,

it's almost like harder damage, right? Don't get, I got that shit. That's what I'm saying, I see that too. I remember, because so much of it is like, so it'd be hilarious for people like me being like oh, yeah I'm just too shy sometimes. That's not I know don't come off as I know it sounds pretty but it's like definitely a lot of my life was just like I definitely felt that of like let's not fucking Rock the boat. Let's just keep it going

so I what I love about this show too is like Advice from strangers is the best advice you'll get because we have no that I don't care how your life goes really I mean how it goes good, but I don't but you know It's like like I used to do the same with people is like we will tell you like an Unvarnished like it's like we don't pull punches. Yes, absolutely So let's do it. Let's fuck it. Let's wreck some of these motherfuckers all this and go get the book guys anything else Paul that you want people to know about? Yeah, if I'm on the road go check it out. Go check it out. It's on my website paulshear.com. I love it.

Christov, I have a friend who I used to be a roommate with. Nope, not playing dumb ass. I have a friend who I used to be a roommate with and they had this really like abusive I was a girlfriend and they would fight all the time would literally trigger my childhood traumas but whatever they broke up they were gone they were done with each other for almost a year and now they're back together and based on listening to your other advice for past callers I am wondering how do I relax and stop worrying about it and stop thinking about it especially when I have to see both of them too it's been kind of difficult thank you so much for taking my call. I do have some bazookas, so please keep that in mind with answering. Respect.

Thank you so much and love you. Okay, well knowing you have big tits, I'm gonna really lock in here. Ah. I was gonna phone this one in, maybe throw it to Paul, but no, no. Do you have anything, does anything really come to mind? I have a couple ideas, but please.

Yeah, no, I wanna break it down with you a little bit here, Bert, cause it's like, this is an interesting situation. Yeah. Because you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't, right? Because you can't get involved in matters of the heart. Absolutely. Like, you have a person who's in a terrible marriage,

it's your friend, you can't say anything. You gotta wait and you gotta know. You gotta know what it's gonna take. The old Seinfeld episode. Oh yeah. The first one never takes. You know what I mean? It just doesn't. The breakups never take.

But yeah. And that's it. And you have to play it out because your friendship, you don't wanna be another casualty of that relationship. So I'm always aware of that. It's like, how much are you gonna get involved? And yes, it can it could sound really good We say to you go tell her but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but I think all this stuff comes down to

You need to Figure out where you're comfortable and then stay in that lane, right? So if this guy and her are doing their thing, I don't know if they're living together anymore But if they're not, if you're seeing them out, you gotta go like, Hey, is he going to be there? I'm not going to go there. And, and you, the, I think you want me to say, well, you should tell her, don't bring her to our X, Y, and Z. I, my wife has friends. They have a friend group.

There are certain spouses not invited to certain events. And that's because certain spouses trigger other spouse Yeah, yeah Trigger something yes. Yes. Yes You're very welcome to do that like, you know, you make a good like but you can't control like you have to be like, alright He's gonna be there. I'm not gonna go there. Why am I gonna trigger myself? Like that's the only the only person you can control is yourself Yep, and when she gets out of it again or never,

you have to reevaluate, is this worth the grief? Yes, I fully agree with you. And I think maybe she gets some of that because she's saying, based on your advice, I'm trying to wonder how to relax and stop worrying because she understands, hopefully, that there's nothing she can do about it. And I guess, yeah, the thing to just reiterate

is you and your friends are along can do about it. And I guess, yeah, the thing to just reiterate is your friend, your friend, you and your friends are, you're along for the ride in each other's lives. And for parts of it, you're a unit, you're whatever, but it's like, there are parts in everyone's life, even if you're married, even if you have kids, whatever, where you're alone. You know what I mean? And like, the best thing you can hope for is to have some people along for the ride, but it's not a collaborative thing. This relationship, you're just there for them.

You need to be there for your friend as much as you can be, but you can't change the course of certain parts of their lives. And I think the important part of this too is, and the reason why you can't is because you need to be there when that shit goes down so you are the first phone call yeah that will help yeah you

know it's almost like you need to be available as if something I mean you're saying abusive so I don't know where we're at true sure sure that's another good you know and and you want to make sure that if something goes down she's got a safe haven with you because I think a lot of people, I went through this myself too, our family all like, not abandon us, but they're like, I don't like the way he is, I'm leaving, I'm the, you know,

and then when you have no doors to go through, it's harder to get out. So you wanna stay there for a friend, but you can't, and I know you're not gonna worry about it, but you can take control over how you see your friend, how you interact with it. Like, you know, it, but you can take control over how you see your friend, how you interact with it. Like, you know, it's like you can eliminate it, essentially, from your life,

and still keep your friend as a part of your life. Definitely, and yeah, exactly, I think you're right, Paul, in that don't put yourself in situations that trigger you. This is, you know, that's bad for you. So you don't wanna overdo how much of a friend you are that it's fucking your life up. And like what you're saying is really good

because it's like, so you're probably gonna take a bit of a step back from how close this person is to you, but you can also let them know if you ever need help, if you ever wanna talk about this, if you ever wanna like, I'm here for you. And there's a way of taking a step back physically but not emotionally. Yeah. Right?

Like you can make sure that person knows that you are in, you're in it. You're not like, I don't return their texts, I don't return their phone calls. It's like, no, no, you're there. You're not cutting it off. You're just, you're cutting out the part that doesn't work for you.

Yeah. And you know what? I think most people are pretty smart and they fucking figure it out. They get it and also I don't think there's anything wrong with being explicit about it. I don't think so. I'm saying like, hey, I don't think this is good for you,

this is your life, I'm your friend, you wanna hang out, I'm here for you, I can't do this and make it about yourself because it's true, this is triggering my own shit. Yeah. And it's true and maybe there's a little bit of reflection you need to do, it can't hurt to be like, why is this triggering me so much?

Do you wait for a moment where, I'm nervous about this Coke in my mouth. No, it's empty, don't worry about it. Do you wait for a moment where it rears its head to do that conversation, or do you just do it out of the blue? I don't think so, I don't think you wait for it because um, because I think because, well, I mean, it, it does come up. I think if those moments happen, it might, it might not be your choice, right?

Like it might, you might have to react, but I think because she's seen it, right? Right. Because, and because you are making it about yourself, and you're not making it about right right I'm not trying to police you right right. This is your life. I get it happy. I'm happy as a friend I don't think you should do this But because this is about me and the way this person treats you reminds me of these horrific things I need to take a step back from this relationship and If this ever gets too much for you, like look, maybe I'm wrong, it's your life,

but if this gets too much for you, I'm here for you. I just need to be, we just need to kind of like take a step back here for my own sanity basically. You know and I think, you know, we're saying the same thing, but I, my, my only thought is how do you make it bulletproof for yourself so you are not. For our call.

Yeah, yeah, you could be like, you know, it's like, hey look, I find elements, you know, if you say I got finding elements of your relationship triggering, well what do you mean? What do you, like what elements? Right. And it's like, look, it's a tricky thing because you don't want to get her pissed off at you.

That's a good point. You know, I think it's, I think what you can do is subtly draw a line. Hey, we're all going out, no boyfriends. Hey, let's go, you and I go see a movie. Yes, yes, yes. You draw those lines. Let's get lunch, whatever, yeah.

Right, and if she starts to bring him along, then I think you go to step two. For sure. Which is like, hey, you know what? I just have an issue based on what happened a year ago, right? When you broke when you broke up and and I like and so it's better for me if you and I just hang out Then you get then you just do that I almost think you baby step it in because it's like you come at her hard and may come out of the blue

That's good. You can you can you can try to walk it in yeah in a way where it's like yeah you do it and and you're not even involved in there because the last thing you want her to do is feel like Someone's against her and him. You're right. Depending on where they are in their relationship. You're right and I think because this is already, they have so much history, maybe a huge like, sit down is not necessary.

Yeah. You know how I feel, we've gone over it. And here's another thing maybe you could try. She, just if she's hanging out too much with her boyfriend hide those big juicy tits but if she's doesn't bring him around let her get a little peek. Well we thought about that may be the reason why he is around so much. Yeah that's true definitely don't put him out when he's around that's you get you hide those you keep those for yourself and reward your friend to let her that her

or them I don't even know if you said if it's a gay dudes or they, them, whatever is going on there, maybe it's just a girl and a guy, but hide them for your friend even if they're not attracted to you, they're aesthetically nobody's mad at looking at a big pair of tits. So thank you Elvis. So try doing that. Try the approach of open communication or try and kind of condition your friend

where the less they hang out with their boyfriend, the more you show them your tits. See? This is good advice. Yeah. What else we got, Big L? What's up, Stav? So I got engaged this summer to my partner of six years.

Hell yeah. And we're in a rush to get married, but we're planning for the wedding to happen in like 2026 after she graduates. Okay. She went back to school kind of late. We're like 30 now. And we're in the early phases of planning the wedding, talking about like who to invite and stuff like that, but I don't have many close friends So in order to have groomsmen, I'd need to invite a certain distant friend To be a groomsman and that's cool because we get along great But the reason he's become distant is that his wife

Really wanted to fuck my fiance. What? And it makes me hella awkward This is awesome. It all started a few years ago when we went to a UFC event together and afterwards at the hotel she texted me asking if she could come to our room because she wanted to fuck my girlfriend. Pause this real fast, Elders. Now for a certain man, this is one of the- a UFC event

I mean, we're in a neighbor- watching your girlfriend get fucked by a hot girl for a certain guy. This is huge I mean it there's a lot going on. I don't even know where it's going every detail I know let's keep let's keep let's stay on the ride, but I just want to say I You know we hear you there's some guys smashing their keyboard right now being like why wasn't that me? I want to do this, but let's see. Yeah, let's see. You're right. You're right my girlfriend and I said no sure but she still asked my girl anyways You also said no and my girlfriend was kind of creeped out about it. Yeah, no shit

So she offered that my buddy and I could watch them fuck. But that didn't change our mind at all. This is insane! She spent the next few months texting my girl a bunch of trying to fuck shit. What? You know, and made my girl really uncomfortable and then we couldn't hang out as a group anymore. Holy shit! So I brought it up to my buddy and

He kind of laughed it off. It was clearly embarrassed. Yeah My wife's always trying to fuck people man Yeah shots my was Fucking awesome keep going eldest Oh my god, my life is complicated. Holy shit. Holy shit. This is fucking awesome. Keep going, Elders. According to some other friends, she may have even tried this with some of their... Oh my god. According to some other friends, she may have even tried this with some of their girls as well. Maybe not as direct as with mine.

Neither of us are in open relationships or anything like that. So my buddy never seemed to grasp She was crossing a boundary by trying again and again after getting rejected I'd like to be friends with him again, and especially with the wedding coming out. So my question is Starting the friendship with him and So my question is, how do I approach restarting the friendship with him? And how do I invite them to our wedding with a clear boundary that she's not going to try to fuck my wife at our wedding? Uh, yeah. Help me out, Stav. What can I do here? Oh my gosh.

Oh my- This is fucking crazy. Well let me give you the answer that I think is the cleanest one Please don't invite this guy What the fuck is wrong with you I do think what interesting about this Yeah, there's stuff to unpack for sure, but go ahead You know like I know you were saying like there is a fantasy element to this where everyone's picturing a Version of this that is probably the most porny and don't get me wrong. I know this is not that I'm absolutely The flip side of this is what's very interesting. Yeah, right.

And it's like, and I think the truth is, is like that is, I mean, that is a crazy, it's a crazy proposition. I think that you've handled it, this guy called really right. Really well, yeah. Up until wanting to re-invite, up until asking him if he wants steak

or fucking fish at your wedding. No, no, no, no. Like, I mean, like this is the thing, like this woman that he's involved with, she's out of her mind. I don't think she's got a problem, but she's got, there's something that she's doing. I think, listen, I think she's got a problem, Paul.

Right, right. I think she's fucking trying to fuck everybody's girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's clearly, and by the way, their relationship's wild because, yes, what I, you know, the joke I made about it being people's fantasy Now either his friend is that stupid where to him he's like hell Yeah, that's fucking cool, or he's one of the most cucked individuals on earth and either way Sums off with your boy, but isn't it but isn't it also like I when I hear that from him

that feels to me like look some people drink too much some people do drugs like she's like she fucks her. She fucks some chicks. Right and so like this is what he's got to deal with. He's like yeah. Yeah man she fucking texted your wife. I'm sorry. And I feel like it's sort of, it is uncomfortable for him because it's like he's got a cover for his wife who is recklessly out there trying to like bone this guy's friends. And I imagine that you're not the only friend that has had this separation. That's the other thing.

You said she's trying to maybe, with other people in your friend group, so not only you and your wife are gonna be uncomfortable, but maybe other people they're gonna be like oh, it's fucking least I tried to walk me setting absolutely the worst she will wreck. She will just mark my words Yes, she will not only wreck your wedding. She'll wreck the experience of everyone The one thing you can be sure of is that a wedding should get sloppy. Yeah, people make mistakes It's like an office party. Do not invite this person Yes, don't worry about grooms. I didn't have a groomsman

Yeah, I have so many a lot of friends and I'm like, I don't know how to do a groomsman thing Like I don't know how to pick one of these I don't have a brother. Yeah, so I was like So I hired a Jack Nicholson impersonator to be my best man Great move and my wife had her her grooms like her Bridesmaids her bridesmaids were her sisters, but I think like don't you have to follow that convention? Yeah, you don't have to stand up there with five guys You know even if you're like I think that that's like it's a weird thing as I got there with big five bros You can you can do fun shit. You can throw your own bachelor party You could do whatever you want to do, but like you're right. This is a mistake

This is so crazy and it's like for what you and I know you want to be close to them again But the wedding is not a wedding brother As a matter of fact, it may be the worst possible moment to rekindle any really and it's not your fault This guy are you know speaking of guilt and go with this guy seems like he has weird guilt towards his friend of not putting Him in the wedding. This is not your job. Can I tell you something? You know whose whose job it is to make up this relationship? It's your fucking friend in his crazy wife dude That's his fucking job. It is to heal this relationship, but ain't you yeah?

This is and it's not gonna happen now the other version of this that you could do. Yeah. You rent another room out in the hotel. Yeah. You hire a few sex workers. Yeah. You then you drop his wife in there. You let her, yep.

Yeah. And you tell those sex workers, you say, Hey. Tucker this bitch out. Yeah. Keep her occupied from, you know, from 12 to seven. And, and then that's about, Yeah No, you know, I actually love this here's okay actually we have the solution you don't put them in the room You hire them to go into the party incognito Pretend to be somebody else's wife give her some vibes. is good have a couple undercover undercover sex workers you need to do at least three because you got a cover let the night before dinner like you're basically create like a six or we a

couple she's by four couple I say two chicks and one guy just to cover your bases yeah maybe she's feeling straight but a straight philanderer that day. But I'm trying to say like, oh, she meets somebody at the before dinner. Well, they don't get to go to the rehearsal. Oh, yeah, well you see this is tricky. They just get the wedding in front of them. Oh, no, you can't have a groomsman

who gets to go to the rehearsal. But I'm saying, I'm saying, he's not gonna be a groomsman. He lost, he lost, they blew that at UFC 300. Okay, when they saw Sean O'Malley knock that guy out and she tried to eat your wife's pussy afterwards, that's when he lost his groomsmen privileges. What's so crazy to me also about this, and I think this is the thing that we haven't talked about,

but I also go, he, it seems as if this man who's calling, his wife has giving out no vibes. There would be a different situation where it's like I'm a little bit nervous, my wife is a little flirty with her, there's a thing and I feel like I don't want it. His wife would be fully straight for all we know. His wife is like, his wife is, I'm grossed out by it,

by just the relationship and I'm not into it and we're not in a no relationship. Yeah, there's no good, this is fucking insane to the point where I'm like if he wasn't so if he didn't sound so worried I would say is this fake? Yeah, but this sounds kind of real because of how like off put this guy Yeah, you know don't don't make this mistake. Yeah, this is a mistake. There's plenty of ways around it Don't make it you will this is not regret it and by the way, okay? You're saying you want to repair the relationship how about you hang out with your fucking friend catch the vibes does he feel like he has anything to fucking apologize for is he he said he brought it up and the guy laughed it off this

isn't your job man you even you did more than you should have unless he brings it up maybe I mean we don't think you should have, unless he brings it up, maybe, I mean, we don't think you should invite this person to your wedding, and if it comes up, be like, that was really fucking weird. And this is a little bit of, there's a little homophobia here in that, what if a guy tried to fuck your wife this much,

or your fiance this much? Oh, it would be fucking crazy. You probably would've tried to beat this guy up, but because it's a woman, like, it's still fucking weird, dude. If was like the same if it's your cousin if it's like a girlfriend of yours from and her Husband tried to and they will say even they weren't an open relationship But a guy tried to fuck your fiance you would be you would not have these people at your wedding And I think you have to look at it the same way

And and they get the groomsman thing you're so right. Who gives, it's so weird when somebody has, the wife has like clearly more friends and it's just like some guy makes the cut who you don't even fucking talk to. Why are you doing that? It can be unbalanced. Who gives a fuck? She can have five, you can have three.

Or have no one. Put a dog in a tux, everybody loves that. I'll tell you, no one's gonna look up there that you're writing, I know you don't have a bunch of'll tell you no one's gonna look up there that you're writing Like I know you don't have a bunch of friends, but no one's gonna look up there and be like, oh this guy's no friends They're just gonna make a choice. Yeah, absolutely. You made a choice. It's not just stronger choice. I also think If you hang out with that you want to repair this relationship Guys only trips like that's it like you drive me again. We talked about this idea

It's draw the fucking line. Don't bring it up unless he brings up because it's not it's not your job. It's not gonna go. Yeah Hilarious stuff. I mean, this is fucking crazy. Wow tries to fuck your wife at UFC at UFC That is the type of woman. I mean that's right. You know, I want I want to see pictures I do I really do I really do. Yo, what's up? And elders and guests and all that. Bro, I got pussy all through high school, right?

Always had a girlfriend. Nice. You know what I mean? Like went to college, got pussy there. I'm going to be honest, I haven't got pussy since COVID. I mean, like before, dude. Like when COVID hit and everyone had to go over to school, that's the last time I had a girlfriend, dude. And I've been like fucking driving a truck since then. I like live in the truck, there's no pussy.

You know, I'm not gonna fuck a lot, LizardDude, that's disgusting. I don't know, dude, cause I make a fuck load of money, but like I kind of just want to fucking kill myself dude. I'm like fucking asexual at this point. This shit sucks dude. So I don't know what's your advice. Like I just fucking quit and try to do a different job and get pussy or like what? I don't know. Tell me what you think. Thank you man. Do a different job we get pussy This is fucking awesome this is a base this is a man speaking from just the bottom of his soul I'm gonna come to Jesus. Yeah, but I

Have some questions about it because to me It like he's like neglecting like there are apps that are built on location true He's going from place to place and it seems like he's not saying I want a relationship. He's like I want pussy. Yeah There are built for that. Yes, you could hook up wherever you're going from town to town Sure, and you could get put you don't have to fuck lot lizards But it does seem like he is, there's something going on. There's more going on here. Yeah.

This is a fun, you know what, I mean, I feel you bro. I've absolutely been here. I know the, I absolutely know the feeling. And what we're discussing here is a little, more than anything, it's a problem of work-life balance. It's really not. He's got the best work, like drives a a fucking truck he can stop in any town and it sounds like he's not it's like he it sounds like he is just all he's doing is

working he's making a shit ton of money so he's probably constantly on the road sure he might be and look I don't think I don't think this guy downloads tinder and he's luring too many women to fucking To a rest stop where he's parked on the side of the road You know he's got to say hey, I'm like if he's up front about way I'm in town for a little bit and if you're passing back and forth Maybe it's like hey go out for a coffee meet someone you text like yes. This is an unconventional Unconventional lifestyle things about there's Uber.

You fucking pop. I know those truck stops. Get in there. You take a nice shower. Take a nice shower. Put on a fucking. Have they all got all kinds of beef jerky? Yeah. Get get get some protein. You can be like, take a nice shower. Put on some clothes, get a fucking Uber and go to a fucking DJ Friday.

It's like, you know, yeah, you're right. Like, you know, like he? I think that what he's, I think what he's allowing himself to do is be defined by his work. And he's gotta wrestle that back and he doesn't have to do anything different. He's gotta put in some more effort. Like he's saying like when I was around

a lot of people all the time, I was easy to get pussy. Now I'm not around people that's hard to get pussy. You gotta work harder. Exactly, it's harder than when you were in college. Like he's like, when I went to college, I got pussy there. No shit. That's where that's. Of course you did. It's like saying like, I'm hunting chickens,

but I won't leave my front yard. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Walk across the street. There might be some more over there. Absolutely. And not only that, he went from like the shooting chickens in the chicken coop to now it's like Post kovat and then he did a job where there is an extra level of difficulty, of course So what you have to be honest with yourself here dude is like yes

It's not gonna be that easy brother. He can't walk down You can't go to the dining hall grab a cheese steak and then get your dick sucked in a dorm, right? That's over but you're gonna have to put some time in, you're gonna have to actually match with people, location-based apps, talk to them, actually get to know them. Have a personality. Have a personality in your spare time.

By the way, you do. Yeah. It was funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was funny. Let me ask you this though. Please. When you get to a certain age, I don't know how old this guy is.

Yeah. It seems like he's right out of college. He seems, yeah, he seems relatively young. Mid-20s, let's say. So, okay'm then I think I may have the answer record. I guess What's going on with mid 20s? Are people out just to fuck? I mean it look I look I'm married for a long time So I can't weigh in on this game, but I mean what is the vibe like out there? Is it like is he basically going like hey?

Are we in a new phase or people fucking that much I read articles that people don't fuck as much as they yeah That's an interesting question. I mean so me and eldest are you know we're no spring chickens here This is ten years ago. This man's a married man been in relationship forever Exactly ten years ago when I was 25. I was a fucking shitty comedian who yes I was trying to fuck I was in bars at night I was like and that seems to be out there that might be part of the problem with the trucking thing it's like yeah in New York City no problem right I mean in big cities no problem if he's matching with somebody in you know that's different right in the in other maybe the middle of the

country or some you know I also think mid-20s, you still might be able to eke out, getting some, you know, something casual. But, yeah, people start to settle down in their late 20s and stuff like that. And they're also probably looking at it, like, you know, there might be, like, that's why I think the app is good for him,

because it's like, some of these apps are like, no, no, I'm just straight down the clown. Like, it's like, fuck and be done with it. Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. You know, and that's the some of these apps are like no no I'm just straight down to clown like like walk and be done with it yeah absolutely you know and the benefit of those apps and that's the bats like that's you don't have to figure out where are you at for sure right and it's like you're on certain apps to have a relationship you're on certain apps to fuck yeah and you're on certain apps field that everyone's been talking about it's like where it's like oh I want someone to put a banana on my ass and

Wear like a dolphin mask. It might be field. I don't know That was that was kinkier. Oh, yeah, it might be yeah I think that's the one I was talking about like but like I've talked to a lot of people who come out to LA No, look you're right that may not they might know you're pretty easy I mean, you're the best I mean, I love this city for many reasons Yeah, the hottest women on earth who are interested the smart interest smartest most interesting hottest who will give up pussy pretty quick Because nobody has got time to waste we got to find that if we like each other. Yes or no I'm not going you know what I mean? That's the beauty of this town. He's not gonna be able to fuck at that pace

But I'm gonna be coming in to and that pace. You know, but. Right, right, he's gonna be coming in, and again, I don't know where his truck stuff is at, but he's like, you're coming into, like outside of Minneapolis, you may have like four people on that app. But also, here's the other thing I'll say, couple things, he's making a lot of money, is there anything wrong with like a short term relationship

where you kind of spoil a girl, take her out to nice, like you might not be able to offer permanence here, cause you're in and out, you live a transient lifestyle, you might, like, let's say for example, you, I don't know, I'm going to theoretically pretend I'm a guy with a lot of money that travels a lot for a living. And I would, if I were one of these guys, I might have a couple friends in a couple cities and we might go get a really nice dinner. No one's expecting me to be a serious partner

or this theoretical person, a serious, but it's like, if you're a good time, people like being around and women are looking to date somebody casually, go out to a nice dinner, go have an activity. Clearly you're driving a truck. Like you said, you probably have routes. And you can probably pinpoint on those routes.

All right, I'm near Chicago. All right, I'm near Dallas. Like, you know, and you can kind of like eke out and like, all right, well, you know, next trip maybe I'll do is I'll stay an extra day. Or I'll do a four hotel room. You're making all this money. You also could do that kind of planning.

You can also figure out a way to use your situation for good. And also, you're gonna have to up your interest in game. And that's no offense to this gentleman. He's gonna have to figure out how to be that good time guy. Cause hypothetically, yeah. He sounds fun though, he just sounds pussy starved. You just hear it in his voice.

And like, yeah, I think you're fine. If you like this job and you're making money, you have to adjust, like Paul said, take a day off. Don't look for a new job, maybe work a little less. A little less. A little less to give yourself time to be a human being. I can also relate to that. I took this whole year off touring up until,

I did my first weekend, it's no, it's, you know, I did my first weekend in late September. I've been touring for three years before that, right? So it's like, I knew I needed a little break and like to be a Human being be a human being You're not you're you're yeah, it's not gonna be as easy it used to be but there's you don't have to kill yourself Okay, just just put a little more work into dating. I also say this

It's like there's something funny about this and I guess we already said it with the chicken analogy But it's like this is a guy who has used to go into the fish store Yeah, especially now you got to go be a fisherman. You got a harder thing. You gotta get to get a lure brother I got a lure Get some fuck you gotta get some fucking little fucking flies or whatever the fuck go fly fishing and listen you say you want to Fuck lot lizards. We're pro. We're pro sex worker on this podcast Maybe it is it purely just base? Maybe you could spend a little money and help a small business owner.

You know what I mean? Like who knows? You know like. If you just wanna get busy, that's it. Yeah. You're making that much money, it's probably dropping the bucket. Easier than going out to Benny's.

Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you, yeah. So there you go. We gave you a lot of options there buddy. Good luck pal. Oh, we're really helping some people here Paul really I mean really interesting people Eldest you got some good stuff for us, man. I see you fumbling over there. You knew you knew we were we knew we were

We knew we were ending No, no, I mean you knew we were running down on the call and you didn't really have the next one queued up I mean we kind of gave you some pretty clear wrapping up this call signs here, buddy Hey, Stavi. Hey eldest big fan listen every week. Hell. Yeah, brother. So I got a question about a friend He's making music That I don't really like Trying to send it to me I can tell he's really excited about it it's like

experimental rap basically but it's really not it's not up my alley and it's especially weird because I'm like a radio DJ and I kind of have the the position to help artists out. Wow. And I pause this for this message in 1977. Yeah. Do you work with Casey case? So you're breaking, you're breaking some artists on the radio. Wow, dude, that's fucking crazy, man. Wow. Yeah. You don't want to misuse your sacred position of power. 3 3 PM to 6 PM on 1077 AM. Go ahead, eldest. Kind of have the position to help artists out. And I what he's doing is just not good for what I do. So what would you do? What would you do if Aldis was pushing his album to you and really passionate about it,

really believed it was great? How would you handle that situation with one of your good friends? Let me know. Thanks, Bobby. I got a good answer for this. I feel like your job as a friend is to support your friend, right?

Yes, you're a radio DJ, but at the end of the day, you don't wanna lose a friend is to support your friend, right? Yes, you're a radio DJ, but at the end of the day, you don't wanna lose a friend because you don't like their experimental rap music. This might be a phase, you're not the person to tell them it sucks, don't be that person. It's kind of like the relationship thing. This is kind of as embarrassing as a bad relationship. And you can say, look, I'm all for lying in this situation.

Be like, hey man, I love what you're doing, look, I'm all for lying in this situation. Be like, hey man, I love what you're doing, it's great. I actually shot it up the thing at my radio station. And they said, no, but here's the other thing. Would it kill you to play a two minute song? How about this, find some kind of middle ground, right? A bumper on the way out. You know what I mean? I'm also like, you're playing fucking radio.

You go like, do a thing like this, go like, hey, it's New Music Friday. I got three new songs. You're gonna tell me what you like. Let the audience fucking decide. You play three songs and then you're not making any choice. You're the supporter of your friend. You know what, I like this because you say

New Music Friday and you're like, give us your thoughts on those songs. Play two very good songs and his song. Yeah, and maybe you're wrong. And then maybe you're wrong. Yeah, maybe you're wrong. And if you're not wrong, then, oh man. You've done it.

I gave you your shot. And if you really wanna stack the deck, pre-record people shitting on his song. Yeah. And that way you're a coward who doesn't ever have to tell him. But yeah. But I think that that like it's it's such an easy it's so easy to be a good friend here but this is the kind of and not you sir. No I don't know. DJ what do you mean

you're a radio DJ? I mean I really I mean really what is that? Radio DJ. Unless you're on like a Spanish language program or like like, I feel like no, I feel like that's, those are the biggest. And the way he's talking about it is as if experimental rap would be something he could play too, which means, what kind of, cause I know that stations are pretty, first of all, Jack has them, but it's like,

they're not like, oh yeah, we play anything in my hour. It's like country experimental rap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, Sabrina Carpenter. Yeah, yeah, we play anything in my hour country experimental rap. Yeah, you know Sabrina carpenter There's something about it like you you know it's like you he seems to me to be like he Wants to tell him it sucks and that to me is the most problematic of thing about it I'd be like dude, it's great. I know're saying, but what if it's really fucking dog shit? Great. Really dog shit.

Here's what I'm saying. If I'm hosting a radio show, and I create my new Friday segment, I want some dog shit stuff on there. It's fun for the audience, right? Because the audience will be like, what the fuck is this? You bring them in on it.

You don't go like, hey we know that was Taylor Swift now Here is you know too fast to Saturday You don't put it in the mix as if it's a kid yeah And then it's fun as a listener I think I love his show I fucking hate that song but I love that I get to voice Yeah, I just would really like to know what his fucking radio like do you just have an internet radio show? I feel like if he's like a if he's like at a proper radio station or something I feel like the DJs don't even really decide. No, it's programmed We have friends that do this

We have a friend we have a friend who works in fucking we have multiple friends who work at Well Brock station and a different station playstations are set they yeah, they make fun of what they play constantly You literally put press play on a playlist and like here comes shine down. Yeah, you know what I mean It's like they you can't do shit about that And if you're if he's doing something more independent then then do it the other way, but it's like this idea is like Yeah, I have a lot of questions about this. Our call is taking himself too seriously. Yeah.

At the same time, I think I have a little more empathy for what if my friend does something really dog shit than you do. You know what I mean? Like, you're like, even if it sucks, incredible dick, put it on the air. I would like to hear it. I mean, look, Elders literally did use to make beats and he still does sometimes, but they're good. We used one of his beats at the end of my first special.

It's, you know, Elders actually did something good. I remember being like, this is good, but I was just like, it's funny for me being like, I don't know, man, I would pick a more solid career and I'm doing comedy. And I'm'm like don't be a hip-hop producer, but it's like but I you know, I Luckily none of my friends are as untalented as your fucking dog Friend, but you know

To your point. Yeah, I think you're right. I think there's a line where it's like yeah, I think that you notes And this is why I think people have the biggest problem with in life. Notes need to meet people where they're at, right? And it's sort of like, and I'll go in sometimes and they'll be, hey, we need notes on this movie. You can see the movie's done.

And I always go like this, I go, what are you looking for? Right. And they're like, we're looking for, we need to add a scene. Or we are looking for a punch up for this one one thing and then I go how about this scene how about this I don't go well the movie fucking right right one time I saw a movie a friend of a friend who did it it was a big director it was a big movie and he

goes what do you think of the movie? It's done, it's locked. I thought it was great. Right, because it's like, there's no, I can't help you at this point. Right, right, right, right, right. And then there's some people who are like, hey, I wanna send you a script. Okay, great, I'll read that script.

I might get in there and fucking give them every note in the world. But first of all, and this is all with the caveat thing I could be wrong. My shirt would be off. Sure. You know, I could be and I don't know and that's the other thing I never want to be that person. I can't tell you definitively. This is right of course, of course, that's that's sensibility. That's taste That's whatever. Yeah, it may not be your taste But meet people where the notes are if this is your buddy Is he really gonna start making beats?

Really gonna get at of this job? And you gotta recognize that and go like, probably not. But he wants to hear it played. Played in your car, man. Put the aux, let him hear it in the subwoofer, that'll do it for him, man. You just gotta meet people where their notes are. That's a good point, that's a really good point.

I think that a lot of people take it on themselves to be like, I gotta fix it, but you also have to realize a You aren't the end-all be-all. Yep, and and Just know what like this is not a person asking you to be a producer. This is a part is a friend He's not asking. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, that's a good boy making beats and maybe maybe and we know you hate it clearly But maybe in terms of the Meet them where they're at. Is there an element you like? What's your favorite part?

Is there a sample that you liked is there like a modulation of his voice? Can you be like, oh, I like the direction this is taking like yeah, you're fine, dude Don't take yourself so fucking watch this be like the only thriving DJ But I don't know Yeah, it's like it's all like morning show people. I think this guy might be in college and he has a radio Okay, that's feels a college radio. I don't even know they might still yeah I think so even if they're just kind of cosplaying like yeah, it's almost like a retro thing

I mean well by the way You'll find out right away how many people are listening when you play that write a new music day and see me? What are your numbers pal I had a college radio show it'd be like five people listening yeah, Pussyhawk live I remember I would call in Wow look how the tables have turned eldest you you used to run the radio show and ma'am still behind the board That's true actually. That really was kind of our relationship. I would call it and shit on you on your own show.

It was awesome. Well, let me ask you this. What would you do? I think in a situation like this, I would say, yeah, I would keep it positive, pick an element that you like. I think it's also a situation like this, because there can be sometimes when someone just sends you a link or sends you like every single new thing I'd be like hey man this is pretty good are you like trying

to get this out there are you posting this online I would like push them like you know try to find other people who like would like this and listen to this and like not just sending me like every single new thing well that that's about how to like you know broadcast this to like more people because there are even if it is like even if he thinks it's shit or even if it's like bad or whatever there is people out there who will like it that's a good point you know I remember this is a thing that Larry David said I always think about so um I I come to you and I'm like hey hey, I'm up for this job. Can you put a good word in for me? Right. Now, you know I'm a piece of shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But you're

like, you know what? I have to do the due diligence so you can say, hey, all this. Paul asked me to put in a good word for him for the job. Right. That's all you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's not like Paul's the best. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's awesome, you're, Elders, you gotta get Paul.

Yeah, yeah. Just so you know, Paul asked me. Paul asked me. And then look, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, yeah, you've done, you've done it. Yeah, you've done what he asked.

Oh yeah, I told him, I told him, I put in a good word for you. And you can decide on your own. You're not, you've done what he asked. I told him I put it in good word for you and you can decide on your own You're not you neither You're net neither showing up nor taking down. Yeah, I'm relaying Paul I think I remember that episode and then and then cuz it's with um fuck his friend Garland no no no Richard Lewis. He's like hey this guy asked me to put in a good word and Richard Lewis was like okay cool and then he's like what the fuck I hired that

guy he sucks, he's like you gave him a good word, he's like well I just told you he asked me and then it was great, actually look that up on YouTube it's better than this show. And finally I think you're right Eldis in that there is a market for everything on the internet And so especially if you're some high-powered radio DJ that understands the industry you could give him constructive Like look if I had a friend find somebody I knew from Baltimore. That's like You know what do I first you know? What do I do? I want to get a stand-up Don't do it obviously, but like if someone was even a little more gonna stand up don't do it obviously but like if someone was even a little more established and even if I if their stuff wasn't my favorite I could be like

here's what I did that really helped my career consistency do this this and this and then the balls into your court if you're some radio DJ that's like tell him hey man these are the types of tracks we're looking for this keep it under this you know I mean give him vague it under this, you know what I mean? Give them vague, vague like. I mean, the way I think about it though too is like, it really, taste is subjective. Like I remember there were so many people shitting on blue collar comedy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I would be like, well but do you think that those people that are filling stadiums aren't liking it? Yeah. Right, you're like, you know, like they liking it yeah because they feel like oh I gotta yeah I gotta go it's a good they enjoy it have a good time enjoy it and and that's okay some shit's not for you right and it's sort of like it so that's

why it's always tricky to be an arbiter of anything yeah like people there are there's music that I like like I appreciate future future, I'm not the biggest future fan. But I'm not like popping on future. That's because you haven't had enough bad toxic relationships. That's because you don't mistreat women, Paul. No. But you know what I'm saying?

I get you a bit like, please, I got you. I go on iTunes today. Every song, every number one, every like the first 10 songs in the future. So it's like, that's all. I just think it's like important to be like, no one is the judge of what can work and what can't work. Cause like, this guy could go, imagine in two years,

this guy goes off and just fucking blows up and be like, you didn't believe in me. Then that's the worst place you'd wanna be in. You can take that L, I think. The odds were against him. You're having, you're too positive about this random SoundCloud rapper. I think it's when it comes out. You're too good a guy.

I gotta be honest. The guy probably sucks but so does the caller. I just wanna hear the song. Get out in the world. We're the yin and yang of this call. You got something nice for us to go out on here little buddy? Hey nice question just calling in. I'm kind of a victory lap. Okay. I've been watching your show for a while and I've been kind of nervous just in general about like talking to girls and like I don't know, making a move. Of course. Um, I'm in college I met a girl in one of my classes

And we hit it off. I read everything right. Wow. I was confident I should do myself. Yes And we fucked. Yeah. So thanks, Dom. I feel like a new man. Hell yeah. Wow. Wow. I love to hear that. I love a check out. Cause we are trying to do, we're trying to save young men from incel dumb on this podcast. Yeah. I try and show if I can do it, you can do it. You know what I mean? Here's the thing. I think what was really nice about that is like, I met a girl, we hit it off, and I read everything right.

Like it doesn't seem like I followed her around, I followed her to the grocery store. Like everything about it feels like, this is the way it could go. And he's admitting, I've been kind of nervous to talk to girls, you know, making a move. We've all been there, we've that before the the you have to fail Sometimes you have to make some moves you have to be nervous

Overcoming your nerves you will be that much better off the next time and this applies and everything not just dating anytime Shit makes you nervous. It's gonna you that's good. You fight through that and then you you're better off for it So and very happy for you little buddy And you know, I think You know what? I also like about if you're trying to combat incel behavior. We didn't get into the details of how the fuck Very respectful yeah, it was I feel great I feel great

Me feel good. Yes a good person. I love this kid. I love this guy What college people come in with some deeper voice? It doesn't sound like a car. I know I know Let's get a little snippet again elders just to hear what he sounded like Hey, nice questions calling in yes got a little Hey nice questions just calling in yes got a little But I like it all right you can stop it's all good man Wow, that's that's great. I love it. I love Helping call I want our college to be better off than you and I were eldest we we've said this before We were fucking

Cowards in college. I wish I had some I wish I had a man much fatter than me telling me Even he fucked so that no joke. This would help me if there was a fat bald version of me You know, here's the we were we know no women were taken much so no Just a little shove in the right direction. You know, it's like I was nervous I like you know, like the thing is is like it it also is I Think you don't have to be swab, you know, like James Bond or coming in like fucking like Donald for sure something like that You just come in Just not as a creepo.

Not a creep, nice. And just nice, friendly. And don't take it personal if it doesn't work out. Because it's like, don't jump to are we gonna fuck in this first one. Right, right, right. Just be like, hey, I'm just. I like you.

Are you cool? Can we get to know each other? Even just like be like, we are interacting in a way that's non-threatening. Yeah You'll see and you can see you can go and yeah, and you may misread things and whatever But I think people are pretty clear now. Yeah, and we're happy for you and we love we love to hear that Let that be less than everybody just you know, believe in yourself be nice. Don't be a creep We're happy this worked out for you, pal, but if it hadn't, you should have kept this positive attitude and on to the next situation.

And we encourage call-ins like this, folks. And we'll go out there, in fact, I'll tell you, if you're a loser right now, who's getting absolutely no top whatsoever in college, go report back to us of one interaction that you didn't connect because you gotta fail in order to win. I wanna hear it, but when you do, give us some details. Not just I wanna talk to this girl, she wasn't into it. Yeah. No, no. We gotta see the approach. We gotta see that. Absolutely, absolutely.

And then, and know that by getting rejected, you're closer to finding someone that actually wants you I want to throw down another thing which is like I would like you to I Would like to see the same moves one rejected one accepted because I think yeah People think they have to change up. No You have to be yourself and put yourself out there yeah back up at bat yep yep wow that feels good and finally I think we're gonna really close the episode we never got the answer when how old were you the first time you beat off to internet to the internet because we moved on you had another good anecdote

you know what here it is yeah I I do believe it was still in high school, but I remember what it was Okay, it was Aol okay gone message boards and they were swapping heads With so it was like a famous face on a body, but it would come in like ding ding ding ding Yeah, of course. Yeah, you didn't know what you're gonna get. Yeah I do remember that I do remember a Photoshop of a famous person they got a real naked body a really it was like yeah oh yeah Photoshop yeah it was the beginning stages that were it look kind of I mean it at the time at

you I mean believe me I'm like that's Cindy Crawford the amount of Britney Spears fake heads on like on Playboy that I beat off to when I was like, whatever, 15 or whatever. So I think that was, I remember like waiting for that. In the chat room. And then it went up a little bit. Yeah, it was like there were people that was sharing JPEGs. Sure.

But then it also took a while. It took a while. It was a lot of money because it was like you were connecting on dial-up. A lot of that CD-ROM was going to... Oh yeah. Yeah. Gotta get in, get out. Yeah. connecting on dial-up. A lot of that CD-ROM was going to... Oh yeah, yeah. Gotta get in, get out. Yeah, it's so funny, like, that is truly

feeling old, is like having the CDs that were essentially like internet time. Yeah, 500 hours. This CD had 500 hours on it, and it's like, man... You gotta figure out how to get another credit card to... Yeah. ...to use the new account, oh my god. Our Zoomer listeners will have no idea what that's like you hear that kids

We had the ways we used to beat off you you wouldn't believe There's in JPEGs Putting letting Kazaa download overnight cuz it took a whole night to get a video night to get a video. Why? Why are you motherfuckers have it so easy? But we're here for you in the real world, just like our friend

here. Shout out to him. Paul, dude, thank you so much for coming. The best. This was so fun. Any time you're in New York, you want to do the show? You let us know. We'd love, you know, we would. We'd love to have you back on. So guys, go get the book.

Read it. Listen to whatever you want to do. E-books, audiobooks, whatever. Yeah. And go see Love to have you back on so guys go get the book read it listen to whatever you want to do Yeah, and Go see Paul in the road if he's coming to your city and come see our movie Let's start a cult. I think it should coming out pretty soon when I can't wait for that. Thank you, man And yeah, we'll talk to you guys later. Bye. Bye later bye bye