Stavvy's World - #98 - Chris Distefano

Episode Date: October 14, 2024

Chris Distefano joins the pod to discuss finding out he’s German, the wisdom of old people, an insane request from a newfound relative, holding it in on stage, his dad’s ballsy gambling, why gambling was safer through the mob, and much more. Chris and Stav help callers including an expecting father wondering if it’s time to hang up his Muay Thai dreams, and a man who’s salty because one of his bros ghosted him after he got divorced. Over 2 Million Butts Love TUSHY. Get 10% off TUSHY with the code STAVVY at https://hellotushy.com/STAVVY Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a  $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy  Get the shaving products that always deliver from Harry’s. Get started with a $13 trial set for just $3 at https://www.harrys.com/STAVVY Discover personalized ED treatment options at Hims. Start your free online visit at https://www.hims.com/stavvy LET'S START A CULT (starring and co-written by Stavvy) opens in theaters 10/25!! With Q&A screenings in LA (10/17), Chicago (10/22), Baltimore (10/24), NYC (10/25), and Brooklyn (10/29). Get your tickets: https://darkskyfilms.com/film/lets-start-a-cult/ Follow Chris Distefano on social media: https://www.chrisdcomedy.com/ https://www.facebook.com/chrisdcomedy/ https://twitter.com/chrisdcomedy https://www.instagram.com/chrisdcomedy/ https://www.tiktok.com/@chrisdcomedy https://www.youtube.com/c/chrisdcomedy https://patreon.com/chrisdcomedy Bonus episodes every week!! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Get ready for Las Vegas style action at BenMGM, the king of online casinos. Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas drift excitement MGM is famous for when you play classics like MGM Grand Millions or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat and Roulette. Download the BenMGM casino app today. BenMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BenMGM.com for T's and C's, 19 plus to wait your Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge.

BidMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. know that my movie Let's Start a Cult, which I star in, I co-wrote, it comes out in theaters October 25th. It's going to be in a handful of theaters. We'll have more information on that. Go to this link that we've added. We're adding screenings every day in cities every day, but we're also doing a handful of special screenings before, you know, that I will be at. We'll be doing Q&As.

There's one in LA, although those might be, by the time this comes out it might be sold out LA Chicago Baltimore, New York and Brooklyn a special screening both Manhattan Then Brooklyn and it's coming out on the 25th in a handful of cities We're trying to expand it go to the link see if it's coming to your town and if it is please buy a ticket I'll kiss you right on the I won't say what but Anyway, let's start the music and let's enjoy this great episode with my pal Chrissy D Welcome everybody to Stav's world 904 800 stop call in to get all of your problem solved We have one of the greatest the great geniuses of Queens, New York Born and bred Chris de DiStefano.

How's it going, buddy? How you doing, my friend? Freshly living in Queens, moved back to Queens. You grew up in, was it Ridgewood? Ridgewood, baby, which is, you know, my mom bought that house for $60,000 in 1984. She's told me that the Hasidic Jews are starting to come around and offer

about 1.52 mil cash. Interesting. She's like, she better play ball. You see what they're up to over in the Middle East. There might be a, oh wait, there's a Hamas splinter cell in the basement of this home unless she sells. She's told me, she says, you know what, Chris, but I'm not going to sell that. I'm not, I want you to inherit this home the way I inherit, you know, our family. She's like, I want you, and I know that you'll keep this in our family. And I'm saying, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

But in my head, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna invite these Jews to my mom's funeral and sell it for 2.3 cash at the casket. We'll throw in the hardwood of the casket. You can strip this, we'll fucking bury her in the ground. of the casket. Yes. You can strip this, we'll fucking bury her in the ground and then you can fuck. Yeah, that's. I know, dude.

And then, yeah. I mean, Ridgewood now, it's like, it's basically just an extension. It's kind of hipster. It's Bushwick. Everybody will tell you now in Ridgewood that they live in Bushwick. That's the new thing. I've been saying it since 2010 since I started Stand Up Palomar. It's Queens, but to me, it doesn't feel, this to me feels like Queens.

This part, I don't know the geography, I've lived here for 10 years, I don't know, is it Northern or whatever part of Queens? I don't know either. But yeah, that part, I guess it really comes down to the train. We're just starting off with train, with like, well the M runs that, you know, that you could pick up the M in this part, and so it's like, this is so boring for everybody else. But it does come down to the trains. It does come down to the trains.

It's closer to the Bushwick train. It is. And I got to be honest with you, being like a native New Yorker. I don't know directions. Yeah. North, south, east, west. I have no idea what it is. I'm like, what tell me is it by the M trains? Is it by the Forest Avenue? And is it or is it by the KFC down?

Myrtle Avenue. Yeah, I don't know which way am I going right? But but I do think that that KFC's be or is it a pop that Popeyes Taco Bell Myrtle Avenue Nexus that beautiful all the occurs checkers Popeyes Taco Bell I believe we're all it's been a while since I was doing shows out there But after taking a hot one at a show just bombing my tits off Oh, yeah, you better believe I had nights where I had a little bit of everything over here A little bit of fucking it is funny It is funny being from Ridgewood because the neighborhood has changed it had used to have old school Ridgewood is a German neighborhood

So it was like a one of the historically German really like actually from World War two Germans came there There's a little career post post They had you grew up in little little fucking Yeah, yeah And so and so they had a rally at Madison Square Garden I remember I've yes the night. Yes, not a party in the 1930s one of the bakeries in Ridgewood catered that Your childhood bakery was making fucking yes through waffles for Hitler

When I was a little kid when I was a little kid I Well the the people would come up to me like older people and start talking to me in German and I was like I don't know like were you blonder day were you a little blonde little oh yeah I bleach I you know blonde hair blue eyes I was better straight-up huh we fat no skinny but I was skinny but I did wear Hugo Boss yeah SS insignia you were goose-stepping to that bakery You were goose-stepping to that bakery. I couldn't understand why these people were asking me if I'm German. Meanwhile, I'm wearing a Luftwaffe uniform to school. So they would talk to me in German.

I never thought I was German. I had no idea. And then I did the ancestry.com thinking I'm gonna be mostly Italian a little Irish Whatever maybe a little German and it turned out I was like 95 percent German what like so even your dad even might so my dad's Looks Italian he looks at town, but he told me he was like oh like my mom his mom my grandmother Who died when I was a little kid she was like she was a hundred percent German He was like I just didn't tell you that like I just wanted you to think Yeah, it was a great shame on our yes for our for our paisons We never brought it up right that he could see my dad wasn't a made man. Yeah, because of German bitch

Wow being so Italian that even being German is kind of like being black to you So then my my mom, you know when I did this answer.com, my mom was like, oh yeah, you know, you're her father, her actual, you know, dad. Your mom's dad. My mom's dad, who I never met. He left the family. Dude, he left the family in like 1959. He had five kids. My mom was one of five. Oh my God. And this guy fully just one day was like, I'm not doing this anymore and left

and started another family. And then later on in life, one of his kids. New game, it's like, I didn't level up my Pikachu fast enough, I'm gonna start a whole new level from the beginning. Which in the 50s, you could not do that. So it was one of those things, nobody's getting divorced and then this guy leaves, my grandfather leaves the family

and goes starts another life on Long Island, and then my mom says, my grandmother, the people in neighborhood, be like, what did you do to make him leave? She was just kidding. Jesus Christ, you grew up in like a fucking, in like a Nazi, misogynist neighborhood with mob ties. Yeah, they had my family, they were like these,

they thought my mom and her were like useless eaters not contributing to the Nazi way. And they're like, why did you have, how could the husband leave? It must be the woman's fault. That's insane. And so for a while, so my grandmother then eventually remarried this guy who I would

call Pops who I thought was my grandfather for my entire life. And he was Italian? He was Italian. So to you, your grandfather's Italian. Italian, and this is the Italian custom. There was some deadbeat on Long Island. Who left. Yeah, eating schnitzel.

Yeah. I didn't know, and I didn't know that my grandfather wasn't my grandfather until he died. That's wow. Because I was like, oh, he was from Palermo, Sicily. And I was like, we should go back. I want to like meet my relatives. See my roots. Yeah.

And then my mother was like, what? Yeah. She was like, you know that that he's your grandfather and raised you as such. But you know, he's not like a blood grandfather. I was like, what? Yeah. Yeah. And she was like, no, no, that's not your that.

That's not that wasn't grandma's husband. How old were you? 15. Oh wow. And she just never brought it up. No, she claimed she did, but I just was never listening. I was just always like working on my jump shot. Yeah, which is feasible.

I was in my two bedroom, you know, Queen's apartment just doing dribbling drills. Yeah, yeah. But so, we, you know, I find all this out and then on Facebook, like a couple of years ago, I get a message from this guy, I think his name was, I forgot what his name was on his name, but he messaged me, he goes, hey, he goes,

I'm kinda like your half uncle. He was like, my dad left your mom's mom and married my mom and I'm the product of your basically grandfather leaving your family and then he started a family and i'm one of those kids and and and i'm like oh this he just wants to reach out and he and then it's like dot dot dot he goes he goes and you know i'm an up-and-coming musician so oh no he goes so if you if i if you want me to open for you at Radio City, I'd love to. No, Radio City right away! I swear to God, I swear to God. He goes, if you want me to open up for you at Radio City,

and I go, and then he goes, I'd love to meet my half sister. And then I literally was told my mom, my mom was like, I do not want to meet him. My mom convened with her sister. She was like, we do not want to meet this guy. Nothing against him, but I don't want to meet anybody from my, you know, my father's past. Wow, that's very interesting too. So I don't want to meet anybody from my,

you know, my father's past. Wow, that's very interesting. So I didn't write back for like a week and then I go to write back because I talked to, you know, my podcast with you. So it's like, but we've got to have him on the pod. And then your mental illness kicks in. He's an, it's insane that he would be like, let me over for Radio City. And then you're like, I see you and I raise you let's do a pod so I go so I go to write back to this guy I write back to this guy hey you know like whatever not interested in the radio city but you know good luck with your music but if you want to come on like the pond might

be fun like a patreon up so whatever and then his wife writes back on the Facebook she goes he actually passed away three days ago in a drunk driving accident. Yes, I swear to God. Is that real? That's all real. Do you have the clippings from the Long Island Times or whatever?

Because that to me sounds like you might have gotten got by one of the most basic internet lies. Oh, hey, this is his wife. He's dead. You're like, oh no. But fuck, Colleen Finance, I have a podcast to fill. I have a Patreon episode to fill. You start weeping because of the...

Yeah. So that, I mean... That's crazy. But you know what it is? You're at his funeral just crying about the clips that would have gone viral. I know. That don't exist. Why couldn't you have held on one more week Oh

Baby, I've been putting my body through some serious trials I've been on the set of tires where there's snacks everywhere, free lunches, free breakfasts, and I've strayed from all my healthy eating. The bathroom could get messy, thankfully. Thankfully I got the Tushy bidet, baby. Ever since Tushy sent me a bidet, they have turned me into a bidet guy. Your hole gets clean, it's like you showered every time, it's like God himself licked your asshole clean after a big, messy number two. Okay, easier than toilet paper, cleaner than toilet paper.

You're in, you're out, you're feeling gorgeous. You're feeling like a baby whose mama just completely hemmed him up with some wet wipes. The Tushiba day, it's like your mother wiped your asshole, folks. Remember that feeling? Every Hello Tushy, but don't take my word for it, every Hello Tushy bidet comes with a 30 day hassle, free return and a 12 month warranty. It's time to ditch toilet paper and finally feel shower fresh with Hello Tushy. For a limited time,

our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you use code Stavi Sta VV why check out that's 10% off your first bidet order and hello to she com with promo code Stavi do it now But yeah, dude, what you know, what's funny? You know what I do Do you ever like do you guys ever talk to the elderly like ever'd like just strike up a conversation with someone with a random old Person, so I I do that now I get a point to try to do if I can it's interesting I get because I mean, I don't I mean, mostly I've been I've been in Baltimore and so I've been talking to my grandma way more. But not a random one. But I do like that because old people will surprise you.

So old. So I the other it wasn't the other day was like maybe three months ago. I was having like just one of those days. I was sipping some coffee. I was having like the greatest day I don't know why the Sun was hitting me. I'd vibes were right. My serotonin was good at whatever I did I was just was having I was peaceful and I was um, I was uh Sitting there and this old lady comes up. She comes up to me and she's like, oh can I sit here on the bench? and I was like sure and I was just in one of these moods and

And she's uh, she looks at me and she goes. Oh, you have very nice teeth. I was like sure and I was just in one of these moods and um and she's uh she looks at me and she goes oh you have very nice teeth I was like oh thanks and very nice teeth yeah I was like you want to fuck yeah I was like I'll fuck you like the Nazi that I am and so and so she goes she goes she goes yeah she goes you know I worked in a dentist office for 30 years oh wow and wow. And I was like, wow. And she was like, and I just retired recently and I was like, oh, cool. And I was like, I was like, oh, you know, flirting, you know, joking. I was like, oh, what are you, 45? Right. And, you know, she's, you know, she's like literally like, you know, her bones are like disintegrating.

Like a shrimp. Yeah. And so she goes, no, I'm actually 91. And I was like, wow. And I was like, and so she goes no, I'm actually 91 and I was like wow And I was like, can you just retired and she goes yep She goes the best years of my life were working at this dental office She was like how old are you and at the time was like 38 there I was 39 and she was like you must feel like you're you're like you're had your best years behind you at that age And I and I was like I actually at times I do yeah, and she was like nope

She was like my life really began when I was 60 she was like wow I swear she was like I felt Like when I turned 60 the world opened up for me and I was like that's very interesting and then this girl Is walking by like really like pretty girl, and I just like took a look you're like alright. See you bitch I Took a look and then you know whatever then you know kept one talk to her and she goes you like her, huh? Yeah, and I was like I was like no no, it's just taking a look. She goes. Do you have like a family? I said yes, you know kids or whatever, you know, I'm not married to the mother of my children, but you know, been together 10 years. She goes, yeah, but you know, life is short. And I was like, I was like, yeah, I was like, you know,

you're 91, you're doing well. You're 91 though, you just kinda, you're kinda flipping what you're telling me. You said life begins at 60, now it's short? What's going on here? And she goes, she goes, you know, but you know, she was like, you should though, if you like a girl like here and she goes she goes you know but you know it's in she was like you should though if you like a girl like that she goes you

should you should pursue that you should really talk to her and just maybe have a conversation with her maybe she goes maybe she's not what you think she is but you won't know unless you talk to her wow and I was like this pro cheating 91 Chris has made up a woman to hot, just in case Jasmine sees his texts. He's like, babe, this mystical grandma told me I had to talk to her. I'm sorry, it was special. Now he's using this fucking podcast

to be read into the court records. Like, so there's a public record of this fake old lady. When she said that, I literally in my head was thinking, is Jasmine undercover right now? Is this miss wired? Yeah. Sal and Jasmine, they got the impractical Joker set up and Jasmine's like, tell him he should pursue it. Tell him, see what he does.

Sal's dying laughing, high fiving Joe Goddard. He's like, this fucking idiot. He's like, this fucking idiot. So she goes, so I was like, I was like, I was like, well, no, I can't do that. I was like, I can't, I can't do that. And she was like, no, she was like, I'm saying all I'm saying is she goes, I'm not telling you to have an affair. She goes, but don't judge yourself if you do. Wow.

And I was like, what? She goes, we live in a society, in an American society, where you live in a box. She was like, when you go to Europe and these other societies, they don't think of it this way. She was like, my point is, don't do things, don't be upset at yourself if you make a mistake of something. How does she say?

She said, as long as you don't define nature. I was like what do you mean she's like no gay shit no gay shit no blacks this incredibly open-minded woman's like keep it within your race son don't murder don't murder anyone don't rape anyone yeah, don't murder anyone, don't rape anyone. Don't eat meat on Fridays during lunch. Don't run a priest out of town if he made a mistake. It's an honest living, it's hard, he's lonely. We're all human. And so she was like, don't put yourself, she was like, my point is, if you like someone,

just have a conversation with them. She was like, this life you'll see at the end of it is just about relationships. She was like, so you don't have to act on everything, but you should talk to people. She was like, I think a lot of your generation doesn't even, you feel like everyone's always watching you and you can't even talk to that girl or talk to that guy,

and that's why you're all cheating on each other and getting divorced. You should just have a conversation with her. And I was kind of want to say it, but the problem is, is if I have a conversation with her, I'm going to ask for Instagram and it's going to turn into first I'm just, you know, looking at her pictures. Then I'm going down 180 weeks deep and I'm screenshotting the one boomerang she has where her ass looks kind of good and I'm jerking off to that for two weeks. You know?

And so, and so, and then it becomes, I'm DMing her, I'm showing up outside of her job, and then I fully leave my family for this fucking barista. And then you're in Long Island. Yes. New second family. But she had told me though, she was like, I was in a horrible marriage for about 20 years.

Like, and she goes, and the thing is, it wasn't horrible.'t horrible he wasn't beating me she goes but it was horrible because we couldn't we couldn't we never communicated we didn't have any communication with each other and that's why it was horrible I only realized after we divorced that's why I feel like my life began yeah well that's what I was I was like interesting what was it just just without even knowing any of that my first knee-jerk reaction was for this woman. I wonder if there is something freeing With age as a woman when it's like society's expectations kind of fall away like that

it's like it's almost like it's so hard to be a woman of society because you're judged by like if You're hot if you're like what and it's like if she's at 60 and that's what I was thinking Maybe she she's old she might have been in she's 60, and that's what I was thinking, maybe she's old, she might have been in a shitty relationship. Maybe that's, she gets divorced, she's not a piece of ass anymore, so people aren't, that's obviously there's pros and cons to that, but it's like, people aren't treating her like that,

but also maybe they're seeing her as a fucking person for the first time, instead of just like an object. And so it's very possible to be that somebody feel, you know know is freeing because of all the shitty aspects of you know whatever they're dealing with in society where I could see that being the case I mean I've had friends who like hot girls were like I wish people just saw me like every time people just see me they're trying to fuck me or they just or even like other women are judging me

on my looks and it would just be nice to be you know and then I would I stopped I kind of trailed off because their tits were like looking really good so I didn't finish the whole thing but you're listening to her and you're like no I can't and meanwhile you're like this just deep breathing dude I have to tell my podcast fans to stop taking my girl Jasmine spin classes because she does them online oh my god no. No, because she opened it up to online and I was like, hey guys, listen to me, I have to make like a PSA,

which of course I knew was gonna make it worse, but Jasmine asked me to make a PSA. Of course, of course. I was like, you guys gotta stop taking her spin classes on Zoom with your cameras off. And all she can do, she says it's very uncomfortable when the other ladies in the class just hear you guys fucking breathing.

And we know you're not breathing because of the spin these idiot podcast fans with the complete camera off just watching my girl spin bike that's insanity yeah well she told because it's her fault because she was like can you repost some of my spin thing so i can get some more people in this class i was like you know you don't want podcast fans doing that this is a double-edged sword Yeah. That's that is that's a Pyrrhic victory. You know, like all of it. She was like, you know, you repost this. I was like, and then what the comment she was like, you know, oh, I got 40 comments

and like she gets excited and then she looks and they're all talking about it. They want to sniff or see. I'm like, you can't. It's not going to work. But yeah, I mean, it's all this. Yeah. What was the so how did it end with this? So she ended what she said, but she was like, but yeah, I mean, this whole- It's interesting, yeah, what was the, so how did it end with this mage? Well, she said, but she was like, you know, at the end she was like, you know, take my advice. She was like, if you don't have communication

with your girl, then you should not be in that relationship. She was like, your kids will be fine, you'll be fine. She was like, don't make things in your head bigger than they are. At the end of the day, it's just about communication and relationships. She was like, your money doesn't matter. She was like, right't make things in your head bigger than they are. At the end of the day, it's just about communication and relationships. She was like, your money doesn't matter. She was like, right now I'm 91, I could go at any minute.

I don't care. She was like, I don't think about any car I've had. I don't think about any pair of shoes I've had. I don't think about any of that. She goes, what I'm happy, the happiest I am, she is, kids, she was like, I'm happy that my children still wanna hang out with me and talk to me and they won't be by my bedside if I go. She was like, so'm happy that my children still want to hang out with me and talk to me and they won't be by my bedside if I go.

She was like, so that's what life is. She was like, so don't, you know, I feel like your younger generation, you get so hung up with the internet and what people think of you right now. She was like, it doesn't matter. Oh, and here's one big thing she said to me, which was very interesting. She goes, she goes, I do feel bad for your generation though, because you've been at peace for too long. And so what happens is with you young kids,

is I see online, you're begging for war. She was like, because you've been at peace. She was like, so I lived through war, because she's older. She was like, I lived through war. She was like, and when you live through war, you realize that you should be begging for peace. Peace is what it is. She was like, but you've through war you realize that you know you should be begging for peace peace is what it is she's like but you've been at peace for

so long that you're gonna be you're gonna be a victim of war begging for fucking war she's out of her mind about that that's what we're not begging for fucking war first of all yeah you ever heard of Shariah Laugh? Yeah, just completely misread it. No, thanks. But it's like I do that. We've been at war by the way since I mean, you know, I don't bet she's a fucking old dumb whore since 9-11.

We've been at war and right now we're there is there is constant and she thinks it's I'm fucking stressed constantly that night Who knows what the fuck's gonna happen in the Middle East like we're so close to a really catastrophic lady didn't even exist I was just on my I really think you're hallucinating Talking to Mike Cannon yeah This woman really is like exactly what you needed to hear so I'm very skeptical that this woman existed. Dude and this happened a few months ago.

Where was this again? I'm sorry. Outside a coffee shop in my neighborhood. Oh in your neighborhood. Yeah it's kind of far. Dude one of the best coffee shops this place. Alright well it's by your house now they know. Now they're gonna be grabbing a latte from there taking your spin class.

It's two bus stops away. Okay okay. Yeah that's interesting. from there taking your It's two bus stops away. Okay, okay Yeah, yeah, that's interesting any I I I do want to reach out to more it's old people really are so interesting because everybody Know everyone is so much more complicated than you than you have and then we ever see yeah And it's I do think it's worse with the internet because people are getting flattened out and everybody's a brand now and it's this fucked up thing. I'm sure you're seeing it with your kids even where it's like

these kids have been photographed and videoed since they were fetuses. And it's a weird thing where babies understand how to project on camera, which started to make sense to me why Gen Z and Gen Alpha even are like, and like how to project on camera, which started to make sense to me why this, why like Gen Z and Gen Alpha even are like those, why TikTok took off, why everybody's a filmmakers, because these kids have been photographed

since they were fucking six months old. And they have, I see it with like a two year old, his expression changes when a camera comes out. It's fucked up, but everyone is aware of what they're projecting now. People are less authentic and are more worried about. So to really dig deep, and that's kinda what I like about this show, and I also, I don't do as much

cryo-regs as people assume, but I like to actually ask people things that are much more, that are much, you know, to get as deep as you can. Yeah, not where you're from. Not where you from the have how many black guys have you fucked you know I think we like that you you know I like that's fun right nothing wrong with that but you know I just I like to get into it because you can tell it's such a weird setup to of like obviously I have all the power and they're a little on edge but you can get into some interesting things with people

but a just nice conversation with the fuck with a person that on the surface You have nothing in common with it's fascinating because a you obviously do we are so much more like than we are different But the things you have differences in it's interesting to find where the fuck that came from Why she did say to she said one piece of advice that she had for me like in the middle of conversation She was like try to talk to someone new every day Yeah, she was like just trying to even if it's just a hello. You like try to talk to someone new every day Yeah, she was like just trying to even if it's just a hello you should try to talk to someone new every day She's like that's what makes you feel better. She was like if you got if you're depressed. It's because you're not talking to enough people Yeah, yeah, I think that's true

I do think that like there is so little actual connection right and that is it is fun to be you know We were on the road for the first time I took basically, you know this I took the whole year off until I did my first weekend I took basically you know this I took the whole year off until I did my first weekend Last weekend at the Comedy Connection Providence, which is Providence a great. It's fun. It's like a comedy club in an old bank Yeah, I love those guys and they've done a really nice job. It's they've Expanded it and they're doing even more shit to it. They're gonna have a real green room Not a comedy club you gotta have a bathroom that I can shit in and piss in yes they don't have to they do now they do now everyone downstairs and they're gonna build a whole green room I was literally like this is just bought you

yes I will continue to come here yeah for the rest of my life yeah solely because you have a private yeah if you don't if you're a comedy club and you don't have a bathroom in the green room what I'm gonna do on the very last show is I'm gonna shit in the sink I Mean dude, there's nothing worse than just having to read to shit and you're standing in a lot like talk about And I know comedies bullshit status bullshit any even hint of mystique of the performer. Well, you're like Excuse me. Can I cut ahead? Me and I'll just had burgers and wings for lunch. Yeah, Yeah, and a cold brew. I really need to get in here

Yeah, dude, I can't like perform. Oh, you know, my fans are like, you know girls gay and like Puerto Rican girls and gay guys It's like I'm not gonna if I shit and I just blow up the bathroom then it's like they're not I can't I kind of feel like I can't now sit there and tell you about my kids I have to talk about what a fucking disgusting shit I took and I have to apologize to them. Hey, I just love shitting moments before being on stage. Something fun to do. What I like to do, what I like to do and try this,

is to just keep you, especially if you're running like a weekend of the same set or whatever, working on something, I like to actually hold my shit and piss in because it keeps me in the game and it keeps me in the present and I kind of feel very human where I'm like, oh, I feel that, I feel that, I like to actually hold my shit and piss in because it keeps me in the game and it keeps me in the present. And I kind of feel very human where I'm like, oh, I feel that I can't just, I gotta get up here and stick to the script because I gotta get off

in 61 minutes or I'm gonna shit on the front row. You've invent your nature's butt plug. Yeah. A nice turd keeps you fucking. I've been trying I've been trying to put like you know like trying to equate comedy to like with basketball I played basketball my whole life my dad always had like these like I had to hit like certain marks every month and I had to like there was always

goals and I wasn't doing that with stand-up but now I was like ah you know I'm not getting as much like new materials I like so now every Sunday I put out 15 minutes of like that week's material and I don't mind if the if my eyes on my YouTube I don't mind if the people see it this Sunday and then they see it two months later because I know it will get better because I just kind of feel like with so much content coming out I'm like let's do more let's do well I really do love doing stand-up sometimes podcasting feels like a job to me but stand-up never does it like so now we're talking about fake old bitches yeah yeah yeah yeah not now when you're

workshopping your one-man play with me which conversations with an old wise woman yeah just to Stefano you're gonna see. You're gonna see conversations with an old bitch presented by Mike Birbiglia. You do it with half your face and then it's old lady makeup. And you're like, you should get side pussy, Chris. You work very hard, you deserve it. Oh, I don't know, I love my wife too much.

Oh, come on, she's Puerto Rican, she'll understand. You know how you just do that. Oh, we just made a little dough here at Stubby Baby Enterprises. What you just heard was the sound of a sale thanks to Shopify. We use Shopify for everything that we sell here. All my merch, my calendars, my t-shirts, whatever you buy from us, Shopify made that happen. I used to have to sell t-shirts out of the trunk of my, at the time, 1998 Honda Civic.

Okay, not a lot of good overhead. Not too much overhead, never tracked anything. Now with Shopify, it's a dream, baby. We get to look at our analytics. They make everything so smooth, so easy. People, they know how to engage with people in the cart. Whatever you're doing, if you're selling anything, if you have e-commerce you want to engage in,

you know, and the Lord knows now, you're either popping pussy on Instagram or you're selling something through Shopify. Those are really your two options. So, upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash Stavi. S-T-A-V-V-Y all lowercase. Oh, hear that. Go to Shopify.com slash Stavi to upgrade your selling today.

Shopify.com slash Stavi. Oh baby, and you'll be selling just like us in no time. Yeah dude, it's true, it's true, but I don't know. I just kind of feel like, you know, you're fucking, we're all like drowning in this content, but I do feel like every, you know, at least doing the standup. And it's like, it's making me feel connected to sports again.

I'm trying to make comedy like sports. I'm like, hey, get some shit out, even though it's like it's it's it's making me feel connected to sports again I'm trying to make comedy like sports I'm a hand was like hey get some shit out even though it's like not the yet it is really interesting the how much because you actually played in college and stuff but like I think about that sometimes where my life growing up was ruled by sports sure I played soccer I played like rec league basketball and I played in middle school, I didn't play in high school, but I played soccer, I played football in high school, I wrestled a little bit, I even played lacrosse first season. Like, I loved sports, I loved being in a team,

and then you just grow up and that's just over? And it's so weird, especially because it was such a, the schedule, it just gave order to your life. Like, it is a really good thing for a dumb ass team to do is to have some structure, particularly if you're like spacey, which you know, I was, I feel like you definitely were, but like it's good for you. And then you grow up and it's just gone.

Yeah, my friends, my friends who still like watch every single game and know everything about sports, a lot of them are just like, they're not crushing it in life. You know what I mean? Like my boys who are like, can tell you every stat of everything and they watch every single game. I mean, they still work the same jobs we worked when we were 18, which again, not judging them,

but they're not, I kind of just feel like I love sports. I love watching, I do, but I can't watch it all the time. It's like we got a bunch of other, I could tell you about Emily in Paris. I watch that all the time. You know we got a bunch of other I can tell you about Emily in Paris I watch that all the time you know and I watch the football on Sundays but even like baseball I love I'm like I gotta consume it in small amounts because I'm like I can't just sit here for three hours and watch every pitch of the game yeah yeah I just can't do that. Can I ask you this those friends that are

like sports guys they do they have crippling gambling addictions now? Of course because all of them. It crazy right how much gambling is just right allowed in society now yeah i don't want to get obviously i'm not puritanical i'm not i'm not a pro anything like that and we do want you to go put in their co-host on the idea i don't know if it is a star is that but it is until i lose the sponsorship for talking openly about how it's

wrong and it's uh... moral failing and how a corporation has figured out how to steal from Italians for like you know They took that they really stole that from the mob sure it's really a sign It's like that episode of Sopranos where they try and shake down like the yeah It's like the equivalent of Starbucks and the guys like look guys yeah, you can steal today But I'm gonna get fired if you do yeah, and then the next guy's gonna come and he's you can steal from him. He'll get fired It's just gonna keep happening and eventually they're gonna call the cops and they're like, yeah The world's changing but my dad told me cuz you know, he was like when he would like work at like whatever jobs He was like a bookie or at least like, you know be involved like go collect money or be take a call

Like he was always working in that world. And he told me like when DraftKings and all that, when they like pretty much like legalize it, he was like, it's safer. It's actually safer if the guys do it the old school way with the bookies because they know if they don't pay up, there's only a certain limit. A lot of guys will not go crazy.

That's what the guy in the mafia said. The hot sports game, no, come goes, That's what the guy in the mafia said about sports gambling. No, come on, it's better with us. We keep it in the community. You know, I'm gonna kill you if you don't pay me. No, but his point was like these draft kings and all that. He goes, you can just spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend.

And then he was like, it's so addictive. Like in the palm of your hand. No, no, it's fucked up. You can have it. He was like, at least like, you know, with the book you have to fill out numbers, you have to go drop them off. There was obstacles. There was, yes. Now no obstacles. He was like, at least with the book, you have to fill out numbers, you have to go drop them off. There was obstacles in the way.

Now no obstacles, he said that, and he called Twitter. He called social media ruining society in like 2008 when nobody was saying anything other than this is great. My dad was like, let me tell you something right now. I was still working as a physical therapist, goes, this is a problem. This social media shit, this is a problem this social media shit This is a big problem. He goes the bottom line is not everyone's supposed to be talking

He goes you have a few guys talk right about that a few white guys talk Few men of German descent yeah who were allowed back into this country because they were good at Rockets Yeah, you let them talk he He was like, this is going to be a problem. You can't have everybody talking at the same time. This is going to ruin our society. And it's true. But now even my dad is addicted to social media. That's it gets everybody.

Yeah, but but yeah, dude, the gambling they're all there. See, I I don't know anything about fantasy football. I mean a fantasy football. I never play it even gambling. That was my dad's only rule because he was such a fantasy football league. I never play it. Even gambling. That was my dad's only rule because he was such a bad gambler. He was like, I would literally rather you get addicted to heroin than addicted to the spread of the giants.

He was like, I don't even want you to know what those words mean. So when I look at a point spread of big, all that, I'm the guy who you would think might know all that. I don't know any of it because that was literal. Car games. So your dad was also a gambler He ran what ruined his marriage with to my mother's thing

He gambled he gambled my mom said the very very last straw was when he you know She went to like the bank to like whatever like look at her savings or take out money and they had what she thought was gonna Be like ten grand. She had like a thousand bucks in there and there's a what the hell's ago your husband withdrew nine thousand dollars or something Whatever the number was yeah, and then uh obviously she confronted him, and he was like no no he goes it Syracuse is a lock tonight. It's all coming back. We're going to the Bahamas Well, that's what he said he goes I had to take half of it Yeah, I had to take half of it because I did leave like, I did lose, because I know it's a disgrace to my family,

I did lose, but he did, but he told my mom, my mom, because she doesn't know sports or whatever, we're from New York, she goes, he goes, I put the rest of it, he goes, I got it on the Montreal Expos. It wasn't even a... To stay elite, I bet that they would never leave Montreal, it's a sure thing.

He goes, he says, I got a lock, he said, I bet that they would never leave Montreal. It's a sure thing I got a lock. He said supposedly it's like a young Pedro Martinez He had an in on a lock on a something with Pedro Martinez. I forgot what you're losing I don't know, but of course they lost Nothing and then my mom and that was like the last straw and then like a week later, you know She was like I got to divorce him whatever somebody called the house and was like hey if this. And then like a week later, you know, she was like, I got to divorce him, whatever. Somebody called the house and was like, Hey, if this guy doesn't give me my money, I'm going to fucking hurt you. And I'm going to, and I know you have a newborn son and I'm going to hurt him. So my mom, my mom escaped with me. We went to the Amish country,

land caster, Pennsylvania. I was just eating fucking shoe. You were on the lamb as a fucking six month old. They changed my name to Zechariah. I was just turning butter. Fucking shoe you're on the lamb as a fucking six-month-old Then and so gambling oh my god But it's crazy so like they ruin and it's you know It's that he knew that gambling was like ruining his life on the day that I was born. I was born August 26 1984 He wrote me a letter He wrote this letter like he was like hey like you know the letter was something like you know I love you my son things he was like things with me and your mother are not working out

He's like I promise you I'll be in your life. I probably won't be married to your mother Yeah, I'll be in your life these Dean I will I will be in your life so long as the under hits with the panthers The Panthers and Oilers are playing and as long as the under hits with the Panthers, with the Panthers and Oilers are playing. And as long as the under hits, I will still be alive. Yes. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. He goes, there's a pool going out the office right now. And what day, your mom and I will actually get divorced.

If I hit that, we're going to Disneyland. I'm trying to goad her into divorcing me. Of course, I cannot ever grant the woman a divorce. It has to be her. But he says, he says, you know, I will give you this letter on the day you become a man. So whatever. And when I graduated graduate school at 25 years old, he gave me this letter that he literally held in perfect condition for 25 years, like written, dated in the 80s whatever beautiful beautiful letter and then I lost it a week later. I had it in this tin jar in my room and then one of my roommates at the time threw that

tin jar away because he thought it was like another I don't know why he threw it away but he threw it away. That's so fucking the most emotional your father probably will ever be in his life. Yeah. The most communicative and open and like honest with his feelings Yeah, and it's gone do the only time I ever saw my dad cry I saw him cry twice when Mickey Mantle died his Yankee hero and then believe it or not when Whitney Houston died I love Whitney Houston so much. She's got bangers.

She's incredible. He was like, it just reminds me of you when you were a baby. Whitney Houston? Yeah. He was like, we always play Whitney Houston for you when you were a baby. He was like, thanks for making me gay. Wow. That's fucking, damn, that's fucking crazy, dude.

Yeah, man. Fuck, I had something in my head. Oh, by the way, dude, I want to say, I saw, we went to your home in Baltimore. Yeah, she came to Baltimore. What a beautiful, beautiful home. Thank you. And I told Savvy, I said, you know, I was in there thinking like,

oh my God, the amount of pussy he must get in this house. Cause it's just such a beautiful home. But of course, like I didn't say that. Sure, you were there with your girl. You know, we're there with my girl. Yeah. We're having a lovely time. And then as soon as we got in the car,

which I parked a block away from his house, as soon as we got in the car, she goes, were you just thinking about all the pussy you must get in that house? I was like, no. She was like, yes you are. She was like, and she goes, and then she says, she goes, Chris, if you want that life, then go live that life. Wow.

I thought we were having a great afternoon. Yeah, I was like, what do you mean? He was just making us salmon and broccoli. We were talking about fun stuff. We had nice water for us. Yeah, the beverage center, of course Yeah, but of the beverage center we wanted that we wanted some you gave us some nice restaurant recommendations Yeah, Baltimore dude a lot of people want to get some of our lives in Florida

Whatever not telling you for me and my girl family said this we're going to Baltimore, dude We love Baltimore how happy would make me if we just fucking were neighbors in the end could you imagine I just come on maybe the new Austin yeah yeah we got the comedy brother ship and it's black aliens It's black alien Yeah, fuck I had something I want to ask you about your dad But I just my dad it slipped through my it slipped You know I'm trying to intermittent fast and this is my first round of podcast intermittent fasting really how many hours are you out right now? Oh, not eating at least. What are we at like 13 14 something like that stopped eating what time is it? It's about 10 11

I'm stop. I'm gonna eat as soon as we're done podcast smart here. So salmon and broccoli salmon and broccoli I do it. I got salmon broccoli meal prep I'm gonna hit the fucking iron paradise and I got a couple more pods how many how How have you cheated yet on this salmon and broccoli like hardcore diet? Well first weekend on the road Definitely I was better than I have been but it wasn't even the weekend because I feel like we ate okay in Rhode Island It was when we went to we went to Maine to get some Naked pictures. We got a cabin. I'll show you something mains great and we did some great fall picks It was beautiful and we're in this little town and like there's no restaurants. There's no vegetables. There's no nothing and

The Airbnb we're at we're like you have to go to this burger place It's right there, and I'm like all right burger like I can be maybe they have a grilled chicken sandwich I Walk through that door man, and it's like and then there's a diner. Yeah, we got up at Walk through that door man, and it's like and then there's a diner. Yeah, we got up at 5 30 a.m. To catch the sunrise right so we're tired. We're you know whatever and then it's like I'm not gonna this country wood panel diner and by the way food sucked It was made it suck dick I would I could if I made the eggs they would have been better But it's like you know we order my franchise order blueberry. He tries to order You know, we order my franchise order blueberry.

He tries to order. He orders. He thinks he orders an English muffin. But I can tell the guy thinks he means like a regular muffin. And then he orders pancakes as well. And he says blueberry. And then the guy I could tell the guy's like, oh, he must want blueberry muffin and blueberry pancakes. That's why. And I I'm the only one who clocks this. But I don't stop it because I'm already in there. And I'm the only one who clocks this, but I don't stop it.

Because I'm already in there, and I'm like, there's gonna be an extra muffin. I'm gonna have some of Elvis gets chocolate chip pancakes. In my head I'm like, between a bite of Elvis's, a bite of his, and the extra muffin, I'm in hog heaven here, right? And I fucked up my, you know, I didn't intermittent fast that day

because it was like 9 a.m. And then we get burgers, it's literally like diner breakfast. Yeah work Burgers with wings and I was like and I felt it was it was like just doing a little nip of heroin for sure Luckily it fucked both me and eldest's asses up good. And so it was like penance from the Lord But but you know sometimes with the fan and then the Orioles I threw the fucking through the first So I'm at the ballpark eating fucking you know five hot dogs and worse and boy shitty ballpark chicken tenders Yeah, but of course when you're in that zone now We're rebuilding I'm here for a week. I can see my life finally got my tire schedule

We're starting to shoot tires, so it's like I can see how things. Finally got my tire schedule. We're starting to shoot tires. So it's like, I can see how things are going. And like today I normally would just do podcasts all day, but I was like, in one of the podcast lots, I'm going to the gym. So usually I would be like, I would plan out as many podcasts as I can, but not today, baby. Got Chrissy, you came in, I knew you're an early bird.

So I'm like, going to Chrissy for 10. Germans. Yeah. Efficient. Efficient. By the way, I've been up redrawing the maps of America since 6am. Like, this is where we have this group. And you keep trying to contact the German army and they're like,

we are not Nazis anymore. Please stop emailing us. My daily 5am reading on eugenics. Yeah, what's going on? It is fucking insane how many people are just fascist and allowed to just be yeah I mean it's getting a little fucking scary out, but that's why you're hitting the gym dude. You're fighting back. That's true You're fighting back. I'm ready to go dude. I'm ready to go It's all a little sneaky on it

Do you make you Greek it up a little bit the salmon and not the salmon and broccoli said in fact what I do is Get a little Asian zing going in there. I like that. I'll get a little broccoli teriyaki, little miso glaze sometimes. And you eat it too now. You're in with the eating, Elvis. Yeah. Maybe not as hardcore as Stav is, but I feel like I've been on a pretty good friend the last few months. Elvis, when we parted last, I feel like you went a little bit of a little bender there You're eating got a little out of control for a second when I'm on the road, too

It's like so busy. I feel like I'm entitled to just eat like fucking I know we have to change that from our heads man Only like salvation like yesterday on the on the on the drive back We like literally googled healthy like we were driving through Worcester It's a college town and we were like a college town will have a fucking healthy place We stopped we got salads. Yeah, we got here. I cooked the broccoli It wasn't bad, right, but it was like we really have to change our we have to repurp and it's good That's why I'm like that's why I didn't go straight from the time off to the tour Which I did last time right because I went on the straight tour wrecked everything immediately

This is like you do one weekend, right? You test out the waters you see where you fucked up and I'll probably add another weekend right next week But I'm gonna take a week of at home clean eating working out So I'm gonna just try and work my way up Well, also, I mean our body the bodies are so smart if you just intermittent fast and do the same Then your body stops growing. Sometimes when you throw a shitload of calories into it, you know, it's like, Oh, body's like, Oh, wait, wait, no, they think they know what's coming. They're like, Oh, no, no, no, we were

wrong. Let's keep cutting fat. And we kept a guess in this weekend. My body was very confused this weekend. Dude, I do that too. I mean, we all, the thing is it's like in pot, you know, many times like this, yeah, yesterday I haven't eaten yet, but like, I mean we all know it's like it pot. You know many times like this Yesterday I'm an eating yet, but like I mean even today. I'm gonna go to one of these Astoria delis Yeah, I'm gonna get one of these bacon egg and cheeses and then I go to one of these bakers I'm gonna get a toasted fucking chocolate chip muffin butter And I already worked out this morning, but maybe I'll go for a walk again

And I'll say to myself, just have a grilled chicken salad for lunch and balance that out. And I won't do that. Or maybe I will. And then I'll get into a fight with Jazz and I'll be like, now I'm having five slices of pizza. You just live life. You can't, you can't.

You come home, that old lady's on your couch. Jazz takes off the, or it's your daughter actually, cause she's so small. She's taught your daughter to fuck it. She takes off the fucking Mrs. Doubtfire makeup. small. Yeah, she's taught your daughter to fuck it She takes off the fucking mrs. Doubtfire makeup. She's like daddy. Why did you say that? Why were you trying to fuck that lady? My daughter is so funny my daughter we were Together just might you really is by the way I remember just like when you even like as a like a three-year-old yeah

You would just like either have her around or the stuff you would post. And it's like, this kid is hilarious. Why, it's interesting, because we were talking about before, that's when I would post her all the time, not even understanding yet, because most of us didn't even understand. Oh wait, no, this is not. She didn't consent to this. She didn't consent to this.

This is like out there forever. I'm not doing that, so I don't post. I have a private Instagram now, like a family that's just like photo album. For sure. And we'll post pictures and videos there, but only people for your family Only people who we have allowed to follow it our family members So like that's fine, but I was like, I'm not posting. Yeah my kids anymore but she's just she's funny because she like she just knows like the other day we're walking and you know, this this woman wanted to take a

Picture with me like very quick. She was like, oh, you know, like very quick, she was like, oh, you know, she even said, like she was like, oh, you know, my boyfriend's a fan, but like my little girl's not listening, whatever. And I take this picture, and she was hot, this girl. And then Delilah just straight up says to me, she goes, if you buy me, she wants, you know those viral Dubai chocolates?

Do you see the Dubai chocolate? It's like this viral chocolate, they only are at the nuts factory they only selling on once for the nuts factory and there's a nuts factory not too far from where I live she's like if you take me to the nuts factory and buy one of these Dubai chocolates I won't tell mom you took a picture with a smoke show because she hears that word smoke show all the time so she knows everything she's like I won't tell mom you took a picture with a smoke show and I'm like alright won't tell mom I took a picture with her. She takes a bite of the Dubai chocolate and she's like hmm

Saudi Arabia had nothing to do with 9-eleven. But then I said to my daughter I was like honey but you know like whatever Danny you know like I put my comedy out there it's just like I was like they you know and she was like and I was like you know just because I take a picture with a pretty girl doesn't mean anything. She goes, you think mom thinks like that? Oh, she's like, hey, I know pal, but that's not how the world works. She's like a grizzled cop that's like,

look, you didn't have a warrant. You might've been right, but the judge doesn't even care. Yeah, my daughter's sitting there with one of those candy cigarettes in her hand, she's like tell it to the judge now. I'm just doing my job chief. I'm just here to put Dubai chocolates on my table. Then she skates away in one of those wheelie sneakers. That's so fucking funny. Alright man, well let's take some of this fatherly advice. Let's get the people going. Anything you want to plug here? Oh yeah dude.

YouTube.com slash Christie comedy every Sunday I stand up out there and Christie comedy comm back on the road doing comedy clubs working on new material love it So come it's fun, and then I'm just attempting something which might be the stupidest idea of all time I always felt guilty doing meet-and-greets because I just felt like I was taking their money for a picture Which I would do for free so now I've got the meet and greets back. But what I'm doing is a lot after after the show, I'm doing a mini 20 minute podcast that will go on my Patreon with the meet and greet fans. And then I'm going to take a picture with one of the worst ideas I've ever heard in my life. But I'm going to try it out.

So if you're listening to this, go buy those tickets because you might be at the only one. Get them now. I promise you this is not gonna last Ridiculously dumb idea and I put it on sale to try to make extra money because I thought I was buying a house I was gonna have no cash on the house call through and I'm back to renting. I don't want to do any work I'm just being honest with you about comedy.com And you know what I should I haven't I don't know why the fuck I don't plug shit on my own podcast But we have a Thanksgiving show on ball if you're in Baltimore right now The home for the holidays. I'm trying to make this an annual tradition. This is our first one

It might be this is the first one is after Thanksgiving November 29th and 30th Friday and Saturday come we might have working on some surprise guests this is the first was after thanksgiving uh... november twenty ninth and thirtieth friday and saturday come we might have been working on some surprise guests i it's not going to just be me is gonna be some friends maybe from new york maybe people in town from for the holidays who knows uh... but it's gonna be a very fun time nothing that i did on the special and then of course

uh... october twenty fifth in theaters select theaters not only know if they't no it ain't a fucking wide release, but Some a couple art house places in like five cities will be playing it if you live there Please go see let's start a cult the movie that I I wrote with some friends I'm starring in and I can't believe they let me do a movie. It's just a low-budget fun Comedy a lot of dumb jokes go see it I think you're gonna love it.

If you like this stupid fucking podcast, you'll at least get a couple laughs out of the movie, I can promise you that. Folks, I am thrilled to tell you about our newest sponsor, Harry's Razor. It's rare that we get a sponsor that we've actually been using for years. We're, you know, we're trying to make a buck, baby, okay?

I'm gonna be honest with you. Some of this fucking shit, I don't know from Adam, but Harry's Razors, holy fuck. Me and Elvis have both been loyal Harry's customers for years, I use their blades. Recently, in fact, I've had to be silky smooth for a couple roles, a couple film and television roles. They needed me baby faced face except for my mustache

i use harry's ragers to get silky smooth baby they have uh... that's german engineering just like our friend chris they got german engineer blades made in their own factor that stay sharp sharper longer uh... eldest has been using in his in those luscious locks they're not just raises by the way what do you use in that here every day i got gotta indulge in some vanity even though I'm in the producer's chair too man.

Don't get it fucked up. I use their texturizing putty. I legit use that like religiously. Every day I've used Elders' texturizing putty myself on the road. I'm not, you know, I need to get more into hair care products. Now that we got Harry's on board, maybe I'll look into it.

But I have used his when I've needed to tame down my beautiful mane. We love Harry's. We know you are going to love Harry's too. They're not just great quality. They're a great bargain. Get the shaving products that always deliver. Get Harry's. Get started with a $13 trial set for just three bucks at harrys.com slash stobby. That's harrys.com slash stobby for a $3 trial set. You're not gonna beat that folks All right, let's get to some questions here LD Not playing big fan of the show a 34 year old stuff Big fan of the show. I love 34 year old nice 1989, baby

I tried this question before but I rambled on for too long. So I'll try to make it quick good Who Was a little awkward with women Our whole life growing up. I've known him for 20 years He finally settled down with someone A few years ago nice. They got married. And I went to their wedding. It was high to COVID.

It was crazy. But here's the deal. Basically a week after their wedding, she revealed to him that she believed that she might be Polly and This was not Discussed before anything else this will never work. No, please. We'll never what does Polly mean polyamorous. She just wants to fuck other people Okay, so that's men and women though. She'll fuck anybody polyamorous. No polyamorous just means like you can have multiple relationships I think they tend probably to be a little more sexually open but not necessarily

God could this could just be as simple as a lady wants to fuck other guys Yeah, and she didn't tell a guy until she married him, but let's listen to the I think that's what it is But let's just listen by the way. He might be talking to the 90 year old woman outside the coffee The patron saint of cheating. I love this rating. That's only for the Italian Catholic Church. Does that exist? It's not worldwide, but it's specific. Alright, let's finish this up here.

Never discussed. In the years they were together, they were together for four years. Oh my god. What? And so it threw a wrench in things, yo you see now you kind of having this emotional affair with this guy who lived long distance anyway his wet his marriage immediately fell apart of course so okay about literally a calendar week. And now it's been about four years since that all went down.

And my guy has sort of become vol cell. He claims that he's fine. Doesn't, you doesn't need that, has sworn off women and dating. I've tried to encourage him to make an online profile and meet people, but he's just kind of like, no, I'm out of the game. And I guess my question is, should I leave this guy alone

and just let him live his life? Or should I try to continue to get him to like put himself out there he says he's fine but I know there's a tinge of sadness there and I think there's a really huge part anyway thanks Bob love to hear what you have to say oh my fucking god this poor. What did he say? He's Volvo What was all cell? What does that voluntary celibate? It's related to incel got so like incel involuntarily celibate you can't get pussy vol cell You don't want to fuck got I mean and there's some and there's femme cells of course who it's women that it's unclear of their if they're

In cells or vol cells, okay, but this is we're talking now of this guy who's he's basically He's sworn off put he's sworn off pussy Okay To put it in plain terms here because his wife was his girl was poly because he And look this woman is a fucking piece of shit. Let's just put let's just let's that's insane to string somebody along Want clearly she wanted a wedding by the way? It's the height of kovat So this bitch knows she's gonna drop the hay and by the way you think it was just an emotional affair Yeah, you think this bitch wasn't also cheating on him. Are we out of our minds here? What are we talking about?

What she was talking about? Of course she was. So she strings this guy along for four years, wants a wedding, not only ruins him, but it's like at the height of COVID, it's like you might've killed a grandma here to fucking have a big cake that you know you're not gonna give a fuck about in two weeks. This lady's a fucking piece of shit and it sucks. This guy really did,

this is the kind of thing where you understand why someone might have reacted this way, right? Right, right. Like this is so catastrophic and especially if he's a guy who was already Kind of awkward to begin with like you can see how this would absolutely Destroy him and so but he says it's been about four years. That's a little too long. Too long, so, but I guess, but the guys, cause I understand all that, but the guy's friend who called in is like, how much does he try to get this guy

out there and start fucking? I mean, honestly, dude, I think what you start with is you get, is you, I mean, the obvious answer is you pay for an escort to come to his house. No, just to get the first, it's like T-ball. Get the juices falling, yeah, yeah, yeah. You just, that's what the players do. You're in a slump, you just start hitting the ball off the tee.

Just pay for it, get it in. The problem is, maybe- Like the shark from Finding Nemo, he's got to smell a little blood in the water. That's it, dude. To remember who he is. Yes. He's right, you know what I mean? Right now he's Valsel, but if he gets a little drop droplet of pussy juice on his tongue It just give him a change

Give him a taste that's what I think you should do, but I also do think yeah You are I mean this guy it's also too kind of like you don't know how to find a push because if the guy Yeah friend is like dude if I don't want to fuck why are you trying to get me to fuck? I don't want to fuck and there is look there is a possibility that this guy you said he was always awkward with women Look, there is a possibility that this guy, you said he was always awkward with women. Maybe, I mean, asexual people exist, right? Sure. There's probably not that many of them.

Probably some of it is like, I think, you know, but it's a possibility some people feel fine not having that level of intimacy. Maybe in hindsight, was he awkward with girls or did he just feel like because It's clear to us when a gay guys trying to be straight But whatever a guy who has no interest in pussy is trying to be straight Yeah, you know I mean he could have been faking it and that's why he came off as awkward

He could have been strung along maybe because he had so such little emotional needs or sexual needs in a relationship He didn't even pick up on the fact that this lady was fucking sexual needs in a relationship, he didn't even pick up on the fact that this lady was fucking shitty to him or something. Dude, and it's also, he might, you don't know what he's doing in the privacy of his own home, he might have the VR goggles, that Odyssey's got the auto blow. If that's the case, that's a problem. I mean, maybe, but to him he's like, you know what, this is better than getting my heart broken, I got the auto blow going, I got the VR turned up.

What I'm saying is, if he does, if he, and this is like, I don't, you know, I'm saying is if he does if he and this is like I don't you know I'm saying this is a pretty low percentage chance if he's just a legitimately an asexual person who I don't know much about it I guess that's that it's I guess it's a possibility But I could see it I mean, you know people are sort of monk like whatever if he legitimately does not have these urges and maybe he what you know Whatever. This is something urges and maybe he what you know whatever this is something maybe lay off my hunch is that's not the case yeah if he's got the auto blow going you absolutely got to get him pussy yeah you out he cannot be that because then because this is all because if he really

does want intimacy but he just doesn't want to get his heart broken again it's just this is he's he's living a fucked up, stunted life. It's the same as anybody who has some kind of problem. I mean, this is interesting, it's weird, because I wanna equate it to an addiction, but he's addicted to not risking anything, I guess. And if you look at it that way, any friend with it, like look, I think of it to myself,

I know there were people in my life Last year who were just like real nervous about how fat I was getting and how many drugs I was doing, right? I could feel the vibe sometimes like people was on that I was on the group chats being like where do you want to do you want to be involved again Facebook invites? I was getting Facebook invites to start an intervention at fucking Magoobies. I was like, I don't want to necessarily go down to Timonium, Maryland, but I'll zoom in. So having been a guy who I could tell

the people around me were fucking, it's like I just needed people to meet me where I was, to understand that I knew, I didn't need people to tell me what was going on. I just needed like, you know, I needed like support when it came, like when I was ready to change, when I was ready to do change,

like understand that, work with my schedule, you know, whatever. But I didn't, it would not have worked for me, people being fucking, that's, I'm not the kind of guy who if you're like, what the fuck are you doing you fucking fat piece of shit? That would not have worked on me. That's not who I am. I have people who helped me, you know, I had friends who like, when I was starting like, you know, we would go, you know, I had a buddy who we would work out together or

we would take walks together or they would like, well, I had a friend who helped me set up my treadmill, my sauna, like that's the kind of shit that helped me, right? Slow, meet me where I'm at With this guy, you know mate, you know, man I don't know if you know hiring a fucking high-end escort to knock on his doors the way to go just say it's an option It's definitely an option. I would keep it in mind, but I think it's he's starting He doesn't want to meet women at all, right? He seems to have withdrawn kind of generally Can you get him out of his shell socially in general? Can we start there?

Can we get him to just fucking go out a little bit? Do some stuff. Do your guy's version of a freak off. Yeah. You know what I mean? Of a dating freak off. Whatever that is, just have fun, get the ball rolling. Have sex, don't have sex, use the loop,

don't use the loop. Totally, totally. Just having fun. Have fun. And he says he's fine, but it's like, you're saying you want him to put himself out there Right, maybe it's not directly dating Maybe it's go out and have fucking a group dinner with some friends right go out have him just

Talk to a woman in a friendly manner. Yeah understand like oh, this is something I want in my just just even the just even like a nice conversation with someone you're not to go to become the old lady Just have a conversation right like with no expectations Right if he's really truly like happy being vol sell then He can have friends friendships with women right, but I think I'm my hunch is like that's not true And you just but you have to slowly get him out of his shell. He if he's completely isolated himself It's gonna take a while. It's four years. It's gonna take a while to slowly get him back out there. But I wouldn't immediately bump into the like, let's get you dating, let's get you pussy. Just get

him out of his shell a little bit in general, make him a little more confident. What kind of guy does he have, for example, he could could probably I'm guessing he's maybe has he let himself go a little bit cuz you're not worried about getting pussy Like yeah, can you help him dress better? Can you help him work out? Can you become workout buddies? I've always said Whenever you're feeling low you want to pick something and just start getting better at it Yeah, working out is always a very is an easy one because it's it's two birds one stone Yeah, you're helping yourself feel better, you're looking better, and you're seeing, oh I'm getting stronger, you're seeing, like that feels cool. So can you just rebuild his confidence in a general way and slow play the whole dating angle

and then maybe be like, hey man, just kind of fold it in. It's hard, right? Because that's the other thing. This is a hard undertaking. Yes. Getting somebody out of this level of isolation is not gonna be easy. And it's also okay if you're like,

fuck, this is gonna be a lot of work. And maybe you're not capable of putting together this fucking 10 year plan to get your boy getting pussy again. But I just try and get his confidence up in general general and I think that can kind of lead into this stuff And then dude he might get to the point where he's like, you know what? Maybe I do maybe maybe the prostitute thing is on the table He might get to the point where he does all this and then he might just look you in the eye and be like

I'm gay. Oh I've been getting my ass I said I wasn't having sex with women. Yeah. But I've been getting wrecked, dude. Oh yeah, my proctologist told me I have about a year left. Yeah. We're gonna need reconstructive surgery.

So yeah, dude, this is, I mean, don't overdo it. Don't hit him over the head, because like I said, when I was struggling with something I hated when somebody like tried to do that to like be super abruptly and so for some people it works This guy doesn't sound like this guy sounds avoidant right because this broke his heart so he completely He's gonna it's gonna be a slow play with this guy, and I wouldn't leave him alone if you really you know but just be really just engaging with him on his terms and maybe slowly getting him out of his comfort zone and non

Sexual ways first and then or non romantic ways and then you know And then build up to it, but you know, I feel for him. This lady's a fucking piece of shit Yes, I hope I hope her polycule all gets herpes. Oh, that'd be amazing Which actually is not that bad actually we're gets herpes. Oh that'd be amazing. Yeah. Which actually is not that bad. Actually we're pro herpes from people. Sure. I hope they get gonorrhea and it's bad and their pussy gets green.

Dude one of my boys got gonorrhea in his throat. Wow. Which was nuts. He thought he just had like the worst strep throat ever and then the doctor was like, you have a sexually transmitted disease on your tonsils. Oh my God. So then he just took like, you know.

Was he deep throating or was he eating pussy? I don't know what he was doing, dude. He went to Jamaica. That's a tough one to be like, no, I'm not gay. And it's like, you have gonorrhea in your throat, brother. Yeah. Yeah, well, how did that get there? Yeah, dude.

It didn't get on your tongue. It skipped right everything else and went right through your throat. Yeah. Pussy don't go that far deep. That's all I know. No clit is getting you in the fucking tonsils now maybe if you're a real if we want to talk freak off you some you fuck someone with a dildo and

then you throw to that that's as much as I'm willing to give you that's yeah that's as straight as I'm willing to go with gonorrhea in the throat. It's funny too, because like when the guys, when like the group chat tries to figure it out, like, you know, I have literally my friend who like works for JetBlue. He's got like a third grade education. He's like, nah, the acidity from a pussy would kill the gonorrhea before it got in his mouth.

I'm like, oh, you know that? You every time you write the word, you know, would you want to come over? You write W O O D ah folks now this is a product I am very familiar with let's just say our good friends at him's have really powered a certain organ of mine through some serious adversity. That's right, I'm talking about their ED treatments. Now, I would say, I've, I have to say, for the most 30,

30 to 35 year old men, my penis is one of the worst you could possibly have. And still, that's how powerful the medicine that HIMS provides. It's so easy, the process is 100% online, there's no uncomfortable doctor's visits, okay? Just a little pep in your dick's step. HIMSS provide access to a range of doctor-trusted ED treatments like Truble Hard Mints and Viagra and Cialis, and they're generic, they're up to 95% cheaper, that's right. You got a mint cock pill now, folks.

You're out on a date, you're like, mm, I don't know if it's gonna go my way. Then you get a little thigh rub, you're like, uh-oh. Time to freshen my breath and get my prick harder than sin. And HIMS has you covered on that. And it's not just that, I mean, you know, they got other shit too, but you know, I'm here to tell you about the dick pills.

Your hair's falling out, whatever the fuck else they got for you, they got other shit too, but you know, I'm here to tell you about the dick pills your hair's falling out Whatever the fuck else they got for you. They got a bunch of shit. Look it up. The point is Start your free online visit today at hims.com slash tabi. That's Hims.com slash tabi for your personalized ED treatment options Hims.com slash tabi the product mentioned are chewable compounded products which are not approved by or verified for safety or effectiveness by the FDA. Prescriptions required in an online consultation

with a healthcare provider who will determine if appropriate restrictions apply. See website for details and important safety information. Subscription required. Price varies based on product and subscription plan. What else we got, LD? This varies based on product and subscription plan. What else we got LD? Hey Stav, got a question for you.

Been married now since January and my wife is pregnant. Nice, congrats. And I loved fighting. Like, I was a fighter, I did like Mo more time and stuff like that you know you just do but I've been married I haven't really been able to do that and I love my wife and I'm excited to like have a kid but I just miss training yeah a lot that's you know I literally like bars at bars drunk, like thinking about fighting people. Oh, interesting, hold on, hold on.

I don't wanna be. You got time to get fucked up at bars. So you're like, I love my family, my passion is gone. I, and it's like, I'm either with my wife or getting drunk for six hours a day. Yeah. And she's just taking this from me. It's like, right off the bat, cut out being at bars and go train. Yeah. Anyway, let's let's let him finish I guess but that's hilarious

Oh, like I literally like will be at bars drunk like thinking about like fighting people But I don't want to be one of those like dads That aren't around their kid like a lot sure I do work a lot with like mmm and 12-hour shifts of my construction but I just I just want to fight I'm just curious what you think like you think it's worth me going and spending time going to the gym to do what makes me happy or awesome ways for you guys. You know, figure out another way to cope and just spend more time for all my time with like my wife and kids that feel like

being happy fighting will make me a better father insane binary is not up here and don't want not be around my daughter You know what happens when girls aren't around their daughters He's like now look my choices are I fight and I'm happy or my daughter's a whore I mean what a fucking idiot. I love you, but you're so dumb, dude What a fucking idiot. I love you, but you're so dumb, dude. I love it. He's like, I want to go to the bar and I just can't stop thinking about getting beaten up by strangers.

I can't stop thinking about beating up a stranger while I'm drunk and the fetus in my daughter, in my wife's belly, sucking cock someday because I'm hitting the heavy bag too much. I mean, these should not be your problem

Yeah, it's like what do you want? It's it's like I feel bad for your daughter even though you do sound like a nice guy It's like your options are either I leave and you become a whore or I stay here with CTE And by the way, I don't like the sex never negativity here man You might be around your daughter a bunch and she still might be a freak and there's nothing wrong with that Yes as long as she's only doing what she wants to do now he set up a Clearly false binary here sure he clearly wants to he's setting it up like like I'm an idiot

And he's like do I either do what I want and I'm happy and I'm a good dad Or do I spend all my time with my family, and I'm sad and I'm a good dad or do I spend all my time with my family and I'm sad and I'm a bad dad It's like that's not how sit that's not what life is you I mean you know it better than me like you're Just from my perspective there will be sacrifices of course you won't be able to train like you wanted to train That's just how it is whatever it was that made you happy Like whatever it is whatever whatever your past times have been Yeah, man, you're having a fucking newborn. You know what this is Yeah, you're gonna have to it's gonna you're gonna have to make some sacrifices being a parent to it the one thing

I'll say I you know I got my you know two biological daughters a stepson they You someone say he has three kids, but exactly He hasn't married the woman he's with so you know They you someone say he has three kids, but exactly The man grew up in you know German German German Brooklyn so schools paid for yeah But yeah, yeah when you're having when you have a kid that, you, the one thing about being a parent is you just live. Like you live with choices and you live with making a decision that's gonna cause internal conflict in your head.

You can either, like you're saying, you can either spend time, all this time with your kid or spend all this time doing jujitsu. What you're doing is you're making things this black and white when being a parent is the definition of living in the gray zone because you should be able and you can do both. You just now instead of you normally did your jujitsu after work, you might now have to do it before work.

You might now have to those times, those hours when you're staying at the bar, of course you have to sacrifice that. But if you still want it, you were used you're staying at the bar, of course you have to sacrifice that. But if you still want it, you were used to going out to the bar four or five times a week. If you want to go out there and do it once a week, that's fine if your family allows it. But you also, the conflict comes in that every decision you make to not be with your kids

is time away from your kids that you have to accept is okay or not. Like I do a lot of these podcasts and stuff while my kids are at school. His daughter's actually in the car right now. Yes. She's got the window rolled up. It's not too hot so she should be okay. She should be. She's fine.

Yeah. And he left a dog bowl and some Twizzlers on the passenger seat. She's okay. You know like going away for like, you know, we have to work. I have to put food on the table. I have to put good German schnitzel on the table. So, you know, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,, it should be all in life, but when you really become a parent, time becomes more valuable than money. It's a more valuable currency than money. It's real. So I think, you know, dude, what you're probably, also you haven't had this

baby yet. You're talking right now because the wife's pregnant, right? Yeah. It's all theoretical right now. So one thing I'll tell you from experience, the mother becomes a mother as soon as she's pregnant with the baby because she can feel it. The father does not become a father until the first time he physically holds that baby. So your opinions about this and all that may change as soon as you hold that baby you're like, yeah, I don't want to go get beat up by random guys and go drink till three o'clock in the morning.

I want to feed my baby. So that might happen. But you gotta have to understand, dude, you're gonna live for the remainder of your life now. You live in conflict. When you make a choice, you have to weigh that of how is this affecting my children in every single choice you make.

So you'll figure it out when you hold your daughter, eventually, you'll know what's right and what's wrong. Yeah, absolutely. No, 100%, and it's like, and it will become much more real for you. And you know, it does, this is a little bit of a, I don't wanna judge, I haven't been in this predicament, you work hard, I understand that,

but it's like, I do think it's coming off a little bit as a guy who hasn't been a father, it's's coming off a little bit as a guy who hasn't been a father It's just coming a little off a little In immature sure this question right where it's like, you know And I also think you don't sound to me not to generalize here as a guy fully in touch with his feelings, right? Right, like what is it about fighting? You really like is that your one release? Do you have anger that you're trying to work out in a healthy manner through fighting? I know it's gay, but should you go to therapy and talk about why fighting is so important to you?

Or why you're already thinking of making the sacrifice? And there's, just, because this could, I don't think it's here yet, this could grow into resentment towards your wife and kid, right? And you don't want that. I don't think you want that.. This could grow into resentment big towards your wife and kid, right? And you don't want that you know, I don't think you want that I think you're a good guy and so I I think there's fight, you know Time management is gonna be key understanding you have to make sacrifices when you welcome a child into the world is key

But I also think you should examine these feelings a little bit, you know, it's you know, what was your back? What was your upbringing like were you always did you ever get to do what you wanted to do in your family like is? Your is is like having a hobby feel really sacred to you And now you feel like someone's taking that from like I think there's I think there is There's stuff to understand about yourself here And I think having a kid is a very good opportunity to do that as well, so you know or or I was just, yeah, hit your wife. This is the age old construction worker solution to this dilemma. Yes. They

like fighting and that, you know, UFC gym to the head. Yeah. Yeah. Make the baby's room an octagon, a full size octagon, spar with the baby and the wife, two on one, make it fair, and then it's two birds, one stone. Amazing, and then you get drunk when the kid goes to sleep. Okay, well we solved that problem easily. Elders, what do we got, buddy? This guy's good. Like I just imagine his cauliflower ears. Hi, Stavi.

I've been hooking up with this Greek boy and we've been going off for four years on and off. We're both 28, he lives at home, smokes weed, and does landscaping for his job. I just need advice. Like, is this going to be my forever? Should I cut ties and move on from this guy? I would like to be boyfriend and girlfriend, but four years ago

He said he didn't want to be serious, and I just assumed that His opinion hasn't changed over the years Is this like typical boy behavior or is this Greek momma's boy behavior? Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Greek momma's boy. What are we throwing out insults? Yeah. You know, these guys, yeah, maybe there's some man who fit this, might have a complicated

psychology. Yeah. They might have issues with commitment, sure. Okay, well, personal attacks aside I do it is it is pathetic how much I know exactly I mean you really did call we say this a lot you absolutely called the right show right now because I have been in similar situations in fact a now there is positives here there's a situation where this does work out for you but there's also a situation the there's a situation where this does work out for you, but there's also a situation,

I would say, I would put it at 2080, right? This guy, well first of all, let's understand, why do you want this fucking guy? He hasn't shown any commitment, and you know, I smoke weed, I get it, but it's like, he's a landscaper, like does he own the company? Does he have like-

Is he a migrant? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he come thinking through Canada, which is so funny, I had, Like is he does he own the company does he have like is he a migrant? Yeah Did he come sneaking through Canada which is so funny I had there were great you want to about how we're talking earlier about how immigrants are weirdly conservative sometimes I knew Greek people growing up who were talking about the border crisis who literally snuck in through Canada Literal illegal immigrants who were talking about how we shouldn't let Mexicans in. I literally knew Greek contractors that are taking the

jobs that we say Mexicans are taking who were there illegally, didn't pay any fucking taxes. But anyway, is that what kind of guy this is? But it's like, that's a kind of a side thing. It's like, why do you want this? Don't you respect yourself? Like, what's so great about this guy? Now, let's assume something's great about him. Let's just assume you really love him, whatever. He lays it down, you like that little unclipped hog, and maybe he does- He's got one of those cool tattoos

that go around his belly button. It's like a cool word, like serendipity or something. He's got bleach blonde hair. Okay, he's really like, Chris Chris is getting hard imagining his perfect guy So now the More more than likely I would say you deserve better than this. It's been four years This guy does this guy have any ambition whatever And I would say cut ties having said that knowing what it's like to be in your words a Greek mama's boy

also an immature man who There there was a situation where I was dating somebody on again off again for probably like a year and a half and and Maybe even two years and at the beginning of the conversation at the relationship. I was like hey I don't want anything serious. I'm on the road, blah, blah, blah, blah. And as we got to know each other, I did, I had, and then one day out of the blue, and I really liked her, but I was like, well, we had this conversation, she seems cool with it, I'm cool with this, whenever I'm in town we have a nice time, we go out, we hang out,

whatever. And then kind of out of the blue she's like, hey, this was great, but I met somebody who wants to actually, you know, I met somebody met somebody and she was in a real relationship, and there was never I never felt like She never gave me the opportunity to change my mind which I didn't deserve by the way right I could have I could have said Hey, because I am like I am liking this like let's actually give this a shot So this guy doesn't deserve it you clearly want it though if that girl had had a conversation with me like hey I think like I think I really need something serious I just want to check in with you. Yeah, which again. She didn't have to do that

I would have liked to do it because I'm an emotionally stunted Greek mama's boy, right? There's a chance if this guy's anything like me that if you're like, hey I've had a good time with you, right, but I need something serious. We're not 24 to 28 really is a pretty serious Yes, jump in a person's life. What's acceptable at 24 isn't necessarily acceptable 28. There's a chance He's feeling this but he also feels like hey if she's cool with it, and I'm cool with it and he Inertia is very powerful if he tends to be like I don't want anything serious It's hard to Britain. He's not gonna be the one that's like well Let's let's do this for real unless you nudge him now should. It's hard to bring, and he's not gonna be the one that's like, well let's do this for real.

Unless you nudge him, now, should you, that's up to you. Now, also, this is happening to me, where a girl who I didn't like as much said that to me, and I'm like, oh, well, if that's how you feel, I totally get it, let's not hang out anymore, good luck. Firm handshake, thanks for all the head over the last eight months, and good luck out there. That's probably what's gonna happen if you bring it up.

But if you really care about them and you wanna give it a shot, by all means. Communicate, say what you want, but also what is, you know. I think also too, you, us as humans, we get locked into something and then chemicals form in our brains that like attract you to this guy. And I'm here to tell you scientifically, if you just drink a lot of water, and you pee more than normal, you will eventually pee these love chemicals you have that are connected

to this guy out. And within 21 to 28 days, you will have no love left for this guy. So I literally, I know it sounds crazy, but if you just do that, you will pee the chemicals away. And it's not, you just gotta break up with him. And then I'm telling you, your brain will change this scenario very quickly. You'd be very surprised how quickly your human brain will get over. I agree with that though too.

It's like uh... so look you have to you have we got gotta come came out at psychologically chris came out at scientifically you have to very uh... very good piece of advice here in good luck and you know just going off what i if you want me to make a value judgment cut it off you know we gave you other options here

uh... for close play a call so we've been going man. I need some salmon bro. We're at 118. Okay great We'll do two more. How's that great good for you. What do you guys like to do 90? 90 yeah like to about 90 you know usually if we had no I feel like me and you could do a real long episode No problem. Yeah on a different a different day, but we need Sam. Yeah, we could let it run We'll come back. We'll do a whole two-hour episode. Hell. Yeah. All right here this LD What's up star of an Albanian giant? I'm a 39 year old guy. Just got divorced from my wife for seven years with her for 10. We have a boss Oh, yeah

six year old daughter and we've kept the bitterness and recrimination to a minimum to try to help the kids through this transition the best we can. We've actually done a pretty good job and I think it's going about as well as these things can go. My question is actually about my buddy. I moved out to America's heartland to be with this girl. I'm an East Coast liberal elitist and she is from the buckle of the Bible belt. I've tried to make friends out here and I'm working on it and I'm doing a pretty good job. But one of my three main bros, he just went MIA. We went and got beers back in April, it's September now, and I was

like, dude, we're breaking up, da da da da da. He was very supportive at beers, and then I haven't seen him since. I reach out to him pretty regularly Like our kids used to we used to do play dates together all the time He and I would go out and hang out. We actually founded a dad's group together when our kids were below babies and I'm like pretty pissed about it. Yeah If roles were reversed, I would have at least like brought beers over his new place, gotten some play dates together. I know he's very busy with work but that was true before I got divorced. The only thing that I can think is that I know

him and his wife are having some difficulties and my intuition tells me that what's happening with my situation might be threatening or I know that his wife took my ex's side so I could see him like not hanging out with me to try to keep the peace with his girl I don't know, so far I haven't said anything, haven't done anything, not sure that I should, because it's like, it's my bro. Like, what do I do? Be like, hey man, you hurt my feelings.

I mean, yes. It feels weird just saying it. Yeah, but he did, he clearly did. Yeah, I don't know, I don't know if I should say something, and if I should say something and if I should say something what should it be or should I just Let that friendship go and move on and find people that can support me when I need it. Yep. Thanks. Love you guys. Bye Yes, the age-old dilemma of having feelings as a man Whether you should do anything about it. I love that. this guy is like five months divorced and he's like,

I just can't get over my bro. Yeah. I mean, it's just, we're going to go with my ex, whatever. It's like, we've kept it pretty good. And then he's like, moved to tears about that guy. He used to play Xbox with Online yeah my my I moved to the Midwest my wife and kids still live back in New York Yeah, my I moved to be closer to my bro Yeah, I think I think exactly what he said in the voicemail is everything that it is is your his hit that the bros wife Took your your ex-wife side she's basically you

whatever your opinion is of why this marriage and you're like we're all good everything's good his ex-wife doesn't think so especially if they're having issues the ex-wife has told the bro's wife you know this guy was a dick I don't like him blah blah blah blah and now your friend can't just be like wait hold on he's not those things you say because then the your current can't just be like, wait, hold on. He's not those things you say, because then your current wife is gonna be like, oh, you supported him fucking having an affair at work or whatever he did.

Yeah, I would like to know why they divorced. Cause that's, if this guy, yeah, if this guy had an affair, if you did something bad that is threatening his marriage by association, then you're actually being selfish here. Yeah, like if I think it's cool But they don't they're not they can't hang out with you. Well, but yeah, so but I don't yeah exactly I'm not getting the sense that it's something that bad. I'm getting a sense. It's like a regular breakup There's gonna be people take sides in a divorce. That's just unfortunately human. Yeah human nature But I do think you're right here in that

you're asking for, I get where you're coming from because it is, as much as I'm making fun of you, I much prefer the tact of some guy, especially a man. I'm like, all right, well, I'm not friends with him anymore. And then if he ever, now, if he ever wanted to get back, if he ever wanted to like hit you up again, you'd be like, you pretty much abandoned me when I went through my divorce.

I told you I felt, you completely fell off the face of the earth, so no, I don't wanna fuck it. You know, in two years when he's divorced, like if this guy, when this guy gets divorced, by the way. 100%. Because it's happening, when this guy gets divorced by the 100% because it's happening when your friend gets divorced if he then comes to you Then you can air out your grievances And if he makes an apology right you get to decide if you want this guy to be your friend or whatever

But like I I know what you're saying where it's a little weird to be like hey, man You hurt my feelings especially when his life could be complicated by your divorce yeah you would be there's nothing wrong with doing that right um if the relationship is very like the only people that would have a serious conversation like that with is my closest friends i mean i can't even see a situation where we would get to the point where we would have to air out air these things out The fact that we would ever get I mean we spend we spend like four days apart every three months but but I but like Jokes aside we have very close friends We don't see as often that it's like I could see us get like there's like a handful of guys that I would be

Like what the fuck man you'd abandoned me during this? Like you're my guy. Is that guy that level of bro to you? Maybe, maybe not, right? I don't know, you have to decide that. It's also dude, people's, I go back to the chemistry thing where it's like, your friend at one point in your life,

when your chemistry mixed together or whatever, may not be your friend in that way 10 years down the road because people's brains, life just changes. So this whole idea of like, if you're my friend since we're kindergarten, we gotta be friends forever. It's like sometimes it happens in your guy's situation, that's a beautiful thing. But other times it's like, but the guy that I was friends

with 10 years ago was not that same guy. He's not a bad guy, he's just a different guy that I don't vibe with anymore. Yeah, that's fair, that's all it is. That's absolutely true. He doesn't wanna go apple picking. Yeah, yeah. For sure. He's not a bad guy, he's just a different guy that I don't vibe with anymore. Yeah, that's fair. That's all it is. That's absolutely true. He doesn't want to go apple picking. Yeah, yeah. I do. Yeah. So yeah, dude, I mean, your intuition is probably right, although at the other hand, you might be making excuses for him. I think, I think what I would do in this situation is, this guy did hurt my feelings. If I were you, I would just be like, this guy guy kind of hurt my feelings this guy isn't being a friend to me yep my life's

complicated enough I'm going through a divorce I'm a fucking single dad I don't have time to be fucking going to couples counseling with my with my friend that I got beers with I'm writing him off I'm even a little pissed at him but I'm letting it go because ultimately I have I have bigger fish to fry and if and when he ever tries to come back into my life, that's when I air these grievances. I don't call him like, hey man, are you free to talk for a little bit? Out of the blue. Because that's just annoying for you to deal with.

But if he wants to, in my opinion, his behavior is kind of taking him out of your life. If he wants back in when he's essentially abandoned you during a hard time That's when you tell him what you feel because otherwise it will fester Yeah, and and otherwise then it's your fault for letting it just letting letting a a Relationship like this where you have unresolved tensions in your life. You don't want that But for now, I think you're absolutely right fuck him Write him off. He's a fucking piece of shit and go find other other divorced bros to hang with go get another guy to Drink fucking pale ales in your depressing apartment drink a lot of water 21 days. You'll piss out the chemical

Get ready for Las Vegas style action at BenMGM, the king of online casinos. Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas drift excitement MGM is famous for when you play classics like MGM Grand Millions. Or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat and Roulette. Download the BenMGM casino app today. BenMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BenMGM.com for T's and C's. 90 plus to wager on Ontario only.

Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about gambling or someone close to you, please contact Connix Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Mid-MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Oh, this is place. Give us something fun to go out on here, little buddy. Hell yeah. Sup, stop.

Sup, Elvis. Sup, yes. Name's Eric. Sup, Eric. I've got a question. I'm getting, been dating my fiance now. Fast forwarding. What's up, Elvis? What's up, Geth? Name's Eric. What's up, Eric? I just got a question. I've been dating my fiance now, past four years.

Nice. Recently stopped watching porn because it was eroding my brain away. Okay, good idea. I noticed with porn that it just kind of makes me, brings the horny devil out of me. And I start looking at women a lot. But two but three weeks

off it is not really watching porn and grounding and trying to stay focused and shit but I still want to fuck everything that moves um contact some 28 mix okay I don't think you know those eugenics. Um, Chris, Chris appreciates that. I'm figuring out is this horniness ever going to go away? Chris is like, well, you know, you, you sprung from fruit from an unnatural tree is always going to behave unnaturally. Yes. So that's part of it.

Uh, this isn't your fault. This is your father and mother for engaging in such unholy acts. Yes. If you come to, if you come come to Berlin we have a treatment for you. Alright, let's see what he's got. So we got our 28 year old horny friend here who's off pornography. I'm just trying to figure out is this horniness ever going to go away? Yeah. I don't want this to eventually turn into something where my heartiness turns into resentment I don't believe I would cheat on my life so you

would um cuz I've had really bad experiences with that with my dad oh then you absolutely what are you kidding me you know you don't already do you know I mean you think you've had bad experience that means you're not either you've become a monk or I got bad news for you from what you've I mean you think you've had bad experience that means you're not either you've become a monk or I got bad news For you from what you've told us you you haven't it's not your fault But you've psychologically followed following in your father's footsteps not speaking from experience or anything Cuz I've had really bad experiences with that with my dad watching my dad do that so Trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do from here

Love my fiancee To death. I just want these this horniness to go away or at least maybe divert Divert it and don't get me wrong. I divert my horniness into my wife as well or fiancee, but Yeah, fuck man. I don't know man Anyway, appreciate fuck man. I don't know, man. Anyway, appreciate the time. Thanks for taking my call if you did. Yes. I love the podcast, keep doing your thing.

Yeah, well, you know, I don't know, man. Neither these, neither the guys answering this question have any experience with watching your father cheat your whole life and then struggling with that yourself. So we really can't help you at all. I've been in a relationship with the same woman for 10 years and I've lived in three different apartments in those 10 years. Single alone.

I've been thrown out of the relationship and been forced to sign a one year contract at a different location from my family three different times in 10 years. So I'm not the guy who can really tell you what to do. I'm actually looking at a lease right now. Yeah, Chris's advice is get so successful, they sort of have to come back into your life. Yeah, where they kind of can't really go anywhere and you can just do what you want.

Yeah, yeah. If they want to live in a big, nice apartment, they kind of got to put up with, uh, daddy's vacation every three years. I do think one thing that he said is, is the horniness going to go away? And one thing my father told me, my father's 76 now, he told me this years ago, he goes, you know, when you, he goes, it doesn't stop, okay? My brain, he goes, my brain as a guy is the same brain as when I was 25.

He goes, but when the girl walks into the video store, when you see her, you say, I could probably bang that girl. He goes, my brain sees her, I said, I could probably bang that girl. He goes, and then I look in the mirror and I realize I'm 65 years old with a dick that doesn't work. But my brain is the same.

It'll still, he said, so you just deal with that for life. So I think his horniness, what I think he's doing, taking steps away from porn is great. It's not jerking off as much. And one thing I heard is to kind of get animalistic with your girl.

Like, I know this is crazy crazy but like smell her armpits after she showers get like a mating animal thing and then your attractiveness and attractor might go up it's like a real thing that people are doing just thing just banging dirty ass yeah of course if that doesn't work, drink a lot of water, pee the chemicals out. That's all there is. I don't know. Okay, so I think, I know what you're saying about the brain, but I also do feel like 28, he will just get less horny. Sure, of course.

Like that is one thing I will say. I actually do think you will get less horny here. I agree, I'm 40, I'm way less horny than I was 20. Yeah, I definitely am way less horny at 35 than I was when I was his age, right? You're a horny motherfucker. I'm a little horny. I am. You know, those you know, I've kind of you know, now you're horny for salmon. Yeah, I am. You just want to bang omega three. I want him in my bloodstream. I want good fats in my bloodstream. I will say though, the most glaring fucking alarm bell here, and I was joking, I mean literally my father cheated on my, I know, look I haven't cheated in a relationship, but I haven't cheated the way like billionaires pay their taxes.

Right. Right? Like technically I haven't cheated, but it's like, you know, maybe I was, we didn't have like a specific, we just never talked about it right whenever I've been in a we are in a committed relationship I haven't cheated on anybody, but I did struggle with commitment and like you know and and and When things were casual I would see more than one person and I do think that's pathological And I think definitely you have fucking pathological issues right like and and I do think you saying I Don't believe I would cheat because I had bad experiences with my dad, I mean that's just not how human psychology works.

If anything, I do think one thing that you can work on is unpacking those feelings and that kind of thing about relationships. Two big things, therapy, and you know, we're pro therapy here, but also I say it over and over again, I don't think you should just be in therapy for the sake of being in therapy. There is a little like over-therapization

that happens sometimes, and people just learn new terms to win arguments. But I went into therapy for a few things. First it was like, I had family guilt. I literally couldn't do standup because I felt like I was letting down my family because my whole life They made me feel like I had to save everybody right help me with that it truly did I had?

issues and then just Emotionally with my family because there were there's anger issues. I didn't get along well with my brothers Growing up and I had a bad relationship with my dad and an interesting relationship with my mom It helped me unpack those feelings and I had a really good relationship with everybody but my dad and now even me and my dad Are trying to work on it and then the third thing that it has helped me with and it's been the hardest one actually Has been relationships because of some similar stuff like yeah, you watch your parents have a bad relationship It's gonna and not just my parents, but you know relationship it's gonna and not just my parents but you know Greek town I don't know anybody that I grew up with whose parents had a good relationship

legitimately none of my friends as they were there was some issue I never saw like a happy couple I straight-up never did it's so that's the majority of people the reason why you don't see you see most of us will say oh I see way more unhappy relationships than happy relationships that's because relationships are the hardest thing that human beings have to try to do. Because it's so difficult to try to just stay with one person when your brain

are designed to like spread a seed. Right? But see, even that, I don't, I think part of your belief in that is because you have, like relationships are difficult because so many of us are fucked up. Right. And have seen bad relationships

but I think there is a way to think about these things that it doesn't feel like the most difficult thing in the world. I've definitely- Get through with the right one. Well that's what I- He might not be with the right one. Well no.

Even if he wants to be. I don't know. A little projection here Chris but. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you know, maybe you don't need somebody who's like fiery, maybe somebody that just supports you and doesn't always yell maybe you don't need somebody who's like fiery. Maybe somebody that just supports you and doesn't always yell at you.

Substitute teacher. Long Islander just fucking wants to make you sauce and let you watch the giant game and give you a blow job and not tell you to take the dishes out. But I guess my point is, it's I'm not there yet. I am still really working on my issues. But I have made a lot of progress from where I would feel like this. And he seems to have passed that. He seems to have passed the... He's with somebody, it's a fiance, he's been able to commit. Now you're dealing with compulsive sexual stuff.

And I think because you you watched somebody cheat and because that's kind of like in the back of your head and it's rattling around it's possible these are things that therapy might be able to help because it sounds like you have a little something more general horniness that every guy goes through even a even a big even a big lug like eldest sees a bitch at a at a gas station and says boy I'd like to fuck her in the back of this rental Nissan Murano even guys Matteo Lane will see and says boy I'd like to fuck her in the back of this rental Nissan Murano Do it even guys Mateo Lane will see a chick like I'd love to fuck her. Yeah Even if you only bang dude, yeah

So I think that I think that's something you probably would be able to handle in a nice committed relationship Whatever you're relatively young it'll go away. I think because of the dad stuff and because cheating is something that has an emotional resonance with you, it's worth going to therapy to talk about those things in particular. Say, I love this woman really so much. I'm so happy. I never considered myself somebody that would cheat, but now I'm feeling like extra sexual arousal and I'm just worried that it might be connected in some way with these issues in my childhood. And I think they might be, dude. And so try that out.

Other than that, yes, you'll get, you probably will get a little less horny. Whatever, try Chris's, smell some armpits there. I mean, this man is really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Yeah, just stay in his relationship here. Get animalistic. Try whatever it takes. But I think just I'm glad

you kind of put that aside in there because he could have put this call in and not mention that at all. And I think we would have missed a key part because it just feels a little too much of a coincidence if you come from a place where your dad cheated and you watch that and And now that you're by the way, it's maybe you're in Are you hornier now when you actually have somebody worth lose like that? You don't want to lose because that's fucking compulsion dude. So anyway,, I don't know we don't have enough. This is just a hunch

But give it a whirl buddy. Yeah, and you know, we're happy for you We're happy that you found a fiance and don't don't you know fuck some rando that you don't care about and lose everything I'll just cheering monogamy. Yes as the only married man, but no kids the only but the only married one on the podcast right now I might leave a toothbrush at her place All right, is that was that the last one yeah, love it Chrissy D. Thank you so much man, buddy. This was so it's always so fun come back Well, we'd love to have you and I'll probably need a place to stay. Yeah, you can sleep right there. Thank you wake up We'll do a pod

We're gonna get a full if you need that we'll get a full that one buddy We're gonna get a full if you need that we'll get a full that one Yeah, watch Chris Chris's YouTube he's putting out and you stand up out there watch the pods listen to the pods Go see let's start a cult in theaters, and if you're in Baltimore come see me at the Lyric And we will talk to you guys next time bye bye