Stavvy's World - Bonus #75 - Justin Schlegel [PATREON PREVIEW]

Episode Date: May 9, 2024

Patreon preview. Unlock full episode at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Justin Schlegel joins the pod for the second installment of the Baltimore chronicles, and discusses his brush with ED pills, discerning between his stepkids and his biological kids, the odd town of Waldorf, MD, losing his V-card after a science fair, not making the cut for Guy Code, the worst name change ever, and much more. Justin and Stav help callers including a man who’s grown obsessed with his adult toy, and a guy whose girlfriend’s family clowned him after seeing his junk. Follow Justin Schlegel on social media: https://www.98online.com/show/justin-scott-and-spiegel/https://www.instagram.com/justin98rock https://www.twitch.tv/Justin98rock https://twitter.com/JSS98Rock Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

I'm from Baltimore nice and I feel like we are brethren So I know you can help me with my situation or at least give me some advice For my situation, so I've been with my girlfriend for about six months You know you come from crazy different worlds. I'm from Hamden Baltimore. She's from Highland town This is fucking crazy. She's from Highland town. You're from the white trash neighborhood that got gentrified by accident and she's from the white trash neighborhood that Latino families are moving into. That's the only difference. There is no huge culture shock. You're 15 minutes away from each other. That's the only difference. There is no huge culture shock.

You're 15 minutes away from each other. That's insane. You're a quick lime scooter ride to each other. You're a brisk get your steps in distance. Like, neither one of you are going to the Montessori school. That's awesome. Like, each one of you smoked your first cigarette with a blood relative.

Absolutely. So yeah, yeah, let's ease up this whole wrong side of the tracks. I hope he's kidding and I hope we jump down his throat for no reason, but my fear is he's not. Crazy different worlds. I'm from Hamden, Baltimore. She's from Highland town.

Worlds collide. Anyway, we hit it off, we're in love I would say. But she comes from a big family, a lot of guys, grandfather, uncles, all that. A lot of guys. We were had to cook out. Bro, my girlfriend's family's a fucking sausage fest. Dude, every time I go over there for fucking dinner,

it's just boulders and bulls. Good pussy over there. There ain't no fucking squish nowhere. Dude, I mean, I drove all the way from Hamden to Highland Park in fucking rush hour traffic up Eastern Ave. And it's just a bunch of fucking hairy Greek asses. It's just Uncle City over there, yo. Dude, what the fuck is this about?

They got a PlayStation 3 still hooked up, and they considered that shit cutting edge over there. Bullshit, yo. Fucking bullshit, yo. This guy's awesome. This guy rules. Grandfather, yo. Fucking bullshit, yo. This guy's awesome. This guy rules. Grandfather, uncle, it was all that. We were at a cookout at our house last weekend, or a couple weeks ago, and we were having some drinks, you know. Maybe just smoking a little, you know, Tom Danks.

And it got a little out of control. People were, jumping in the pool acting crazy so I was walking in the kitchen wherever I was taking shots and stuff and I had on sweatpants and no wonder where her grandfather he's a big prankster pulled my pants down and everyone saw my genitals and her uncle who's also a funny guy said that my penis looked like a pigeon's nose. He said I was making fun of my fucking penis. Damn dude, pause this again. Dude, this is awesome. What the fuck?

This family is incredible. They sound so sick. He's like, it got out of hand. He's describing like a college rager. People are getting, taking shots in the kitchen, jumping in the pool. Next thing I know, my pants are getting yanked off. Her grandfather is a big prankster. That's an incredible sentence right there.

He's a big prankster. If your dick looks like a pigeon's beak, which, by the way, that's the best way that story could have bridged into. I actually want to look at a pigeon's nose right now. My grandfather pulls the pants off, uncle dives on me, starts sucking me. One of the other cousins got my arms pinned to the linoleum. My arms is pinned in place and I'm just getting worked on. I can feel the hot stubble near my urea and I'm just like, oh, this ain't cool.

You didn't even try my taco dip that't cool. You didn't even try my taco dip that I brought. You didn't even try it. Kline- A pigeon's nose is so little and fucked up and sharp. Muckerman- That's such a small, malformed dude. Kline- He got you. And that's a gray rose because it doesn't make that much sense, but it sounds so funny. Muckerman- You can kind of fill in the blanks. You're like, okay, if you said it looked like a toucan, I'm like, okay. Kline- It's a bird's nose. That's fine. Muckerman- Tiny dick in there.

Kline- Alright, let's a bird's nose. That's fine. Tiny dick in there. Alright, let's finish this guy up. Everyone laughed. Everyone hooted and hollering, laughing, joking. Didn't think anything of it. Now my nickname is Pigeon in the family. Every single time I come over, what's up Pigeon? They even started calling me Pigeon Coop. Pigeon!

And my girlfriend kind of has been a little bit off it. Oh my god. Fly your little dick over here for dinner. This is awesome. Pigeon coop. And my girlfriend kind of has been a little bit involved. Fly your little dick over here. This is awesome. Pigeon. Anyway, maybe give me some advice. What would you do? How would you deal with this?

Would you just keep going along with everyone calling you pigeon because your pigeon looks, your penis looks like a pigeon nose or your hung leg is a pigeon. I guess they're saying that my penis is a size of a pigeon's penis. But- You're owned, bro. Dude, this is- You are brother. This is written for life. The thing is, you have left an indelible mark on this family one way or another. Because let's say you can't take it, you break up with her, they will be talking about pigeon

dick. Forever. Forever. You are a bright point on that family's timeline, okay? When someone finally came over from the old country, someone finally got that promotion. They're always talking about pigeon. Whatever happened to pigeon? What happened to pigeon? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Tell him to fly his tiny little dick over here for another barbecue. This is awesome because you can hear how annoyed he is in his voice. You can hear the helplessness of someone who wants to, it's like the Dave Chappelle joke where it's like somebody lying about someone you fucked or whatever. It's like, I didn't do it. I didn't do that. You know this is permanent. It's too, I will say too, I don't know if you guys caught it, but he did mention like his girlfriend is, he said she's acting standoffish and sounds like she's feeling weird about it now. He said- And all ofoffish and sounds like she's feeling weird about it now. He said she's standoffish and isn't acting the same way towards him.

I think that might be it a little more. He's probably a little annoyed, but I don't think he gives a fuck that much based on what the call was. So it's not so much the nickname that's got him rattled, it's the fact that his girlfriend, who I hope already knew what kind of dick he was working with, dude, what if that's the first time she saw it? What if they were waiting, very first time, near that big glass bowl of Totitos scoops with the queso in the middle? Like, dude, what if her uncle and grandfather saw his dick before she did, and they have to report back and be like, dude, what if her uncle and grandfather saw his dick before she did, and they have to report back and be like, hey, baby girl, you know we got your best interests in mind. You know that before we continue. Quick dick check before you're allowed to the barbecue.

Heads up. We need to know what you're working with. Listen, we just want you to be happy, and that ain't going to get it done. It's not going to be pigeon nose. Because we just saw that candy corn that popped out of his sweatpants. This is this family's tradition That's this family's insane. They're incredibly insane looked at Grandpa pants is him and they call him pit and they roast him about his dick. They're not all like oh

Like to them that's the best case scenarios that they saw his penis. This was that's crazy They've done this before that's it. Oh, they. I see what he's, and by the way, this is not a Hamden Highland town thing. No. This is, your family's not completely off the chain, insane, and fun. This family sounds fun. They sound like a great time to be a part of.

Yeah. But to be the victim of. Yeah. And here's the very reality, the reality about this kind of thing is that you cannot fight this. No. You are a pigeon. You're outnumbered pigeon.

You're a pigeon. And the only thing you can do, this is kind of like you're in a frat and you're getting hazed. You're pledging right now. Soon enough, you'll see somebody else's boyfriend's penis. There you go. And then they get hazed or whatever. Then that's your chance. And now that that's your chance you better come up with something fun you better hit oh what is that a gerbil's toe oh wow look at that someone's trying to sneak a chickpea out of here what's someone doing? hey old garbanzo being dick over here

garbanzo hey what's going on there snap pea yeah you just unfortunately this is you now pigeon so so now the girl on the other hand is odd. So that's the thing, that's what I was going to say, is like you got to be pigeon, you got to roll with the punches, you got to not be whatever, you got to just be cool and like laugh it off and then look, they mock you about your penis, that really lets you, you can let her uncles have it. This is not a family that you have to mince words around. You can call them a fucking leetard.

You can, like, that's the thing. This is kind of fun, right? The problem is the girlfriend. Like, there is a possibility here. Now, here's the flip side of a family. Like, this is like, the, oh, this seems a little, this is pretty old fashioned in a way where if your girl sees you emasculated,

this is the type of family where the woman might not, she might not let you come back from that. She doesn't respect you anymore. She was in that moment. Maybe she was in the background somewhere, pants off, pigeon dick, and then time slowed down and she's waiting for like, okay, my baby's gonna fire back. Like, okay, my baby's gonna fire back.

Like, yeah. My baby's gonna fire back. It's like, oh, I need you to know your baby girl loves choking on this bird or something or, you know, I've been throwing bird seed down your girl's esophagus. Yeah, yeah. Or some sort of return fire and if you had nothing and you locked it up,

she's probably in the background like, fuck. Well, it didn't stand up to her long dick grandpa. Yeah Furls this fucking massive Old highland town dick just flops onto the linoleum. Oh, yeah, like someone dropped a steak You just hear it. Mm it. That John Hamm dick. Oh, that's a shame. Yeah, well, sorry, pigeon. Yeah, so basically, honestly, I think you just gotta keep rolling with the punches.

And look, most of the problems on this show boil down to have a conversation. If your girl keeps acting weird, you gotta be like, what's up? You gotta talk about it and the thing is Either way that'll either fix it or she's the kind of toxic woman Yeah That thinks you getting pwned like that makes you a homo that she doesn't want to date Yeah, and you'll find out either way because if you try and bring up her feelings She will find that gay as well

Yeah, and it's it's like that conversation with a fixture relationship will make it clear the kind of woman your girlfriend is. This ain't it. This is not it. And find out if they've done this before. I'm dying to find out if this is a family tradition. This was a coordinated effort between an uncle that was put in a position and a grandfather. This was his way out. This was the uncle's way out. This is the uncle and the grandfather being like, okay, let's hit him with the old razzle-dazzle. We know what to do. He's coming in. He's got the sweatpants on just like we requested. Bam! Dick roast. Say something. Nothing. You're not good enough for my baby.

And listen, if she's the kind of person who's annoyed that her... Because here's the other thing. Some women will think it's funny, the way like, some dudes can roll with the punches, but other guys be like, fuck you my dick's big, you're a fuckin' old piece of shit. The dick's big around the base. She might be the girl version of that who, she doesn't want to have the one who's pigeon,

she doesn't want her boyfriend to be, to her it could be humiliating. And I think that to have me be- And a family full of men too, which he kicked it off with, be like the most of her family is all men. And if it's a bunch of fucking Eastern Ave, Highland Town dudes, there's a good chance

there's some squashes in that family. She doesn't want to be Alfred. No. She could be the kind of person that doesn't want you Alfred. Now, let me be clear. What I'm saying about that is she's a fucking dumb bitch. Women that think that way are, you know, they're the flip side. They're the type of bitches that like want to get hit.

You know what I mean? Like they're like the Andrew Tate. They're women who are like sharing Andrew Tate posts. It's like it is, he actually is saying some true stuff. He makes a good point. Some of those women want to be shipped overseas in the container. If you think about it, look at a flight from Hong Kong to Malibu. He just saved her $2,000 by absconding with her after firing a net gun at her in her village.

I think it's also not even wanting to be hit or whatever but like who want like who want their boyfriend to get in The fight at the smallest right? Extreme yes. Yeah. Yeah Wow now elders all of a sudden is the mr. Red pill someone's standing You're about to get your you're about to get the red pill. You're about to get your red pill credentials taken You're all women or whores credentials Cuz I like dated someone in the past who literally was like, oh I think it's so hot when the guy fights for me and I'm like, I'm not fucking fighting for you bitch.

You can't even look at me as make-a-wish ass body. No chance. I'm fighting the day the Ravens lose if someone's being a dick about it. I'm not fighting over your dumpy ass. No, I'm fighting someone that I'm raising money for at a cancer benefit. That's the only guaranteed W, and that's after someone I was hoping

wins the Intercontinental Title at Mania dozens. That's about it. I'm not fighting anybody at fucking Bo Hager's for your honor. You got a misspelled crazy town tattoo on the side of your neck and two different K-Swiss on your feet. I'm not throwing hands for this woman who considers Paul Balls a food group. That's female toxicity right there.

Anyway, either you're in a fun family now and you have a fun little nickname and you are going to have to start defending yourself and roasting back. You can only be the fun pledge for so long before it's pathetic. But, that sounds honestly like a pretty... I would much rather be in a family like that than some uptight, waspy, Connecticut. New Hampshire, like yeah, exactly. Some blue blood type shit. They've got like naval art on the walls. Give me fun trash over that every day. Give me a dude with an insignia TV that he definitely stole from a fucking target.

Yeah. Yeah, no, give me a dude. The TV still has the back on it. They got the bubble screen. Oh, 100%. He still plays the Xbox 360. He fucking loves it. He's on Madden 02.

No HDMI cables. They have red, yellow, and white connecting cables. Component gets it done. Honestly, from what I was told by my pediatrician, the human eye can't see beyond 720p. The human eye can't actually see beyond 720p. So you're sort of throwing your money away. All I'm saying, pigeon dick. So good luck, pigeon. We're rooting for you. Cheers, pigeon. The human eye can't actually see beyond 720p, so you're sort of throwing your money away. Oh yeah. Pigeon dick.

So, good luck Pigeon, we're rooting for you. Cheers Pigeon.