Stavvy's World - Bonus #99 - Live Call Show Vol. 17 w/ Robert Kelly [PATREON PREVIEW]
Episode Date: October 24, 2024Patreon preview. Unlock full episode at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Robert Kelly returns to the podcast to talk about what playing Stav and Ethan Suplee’s dad in LET’S START A CULT and i...mpart his paternal wisdom directly to callers in Live Call Show Vol. 17!! Bobby and Stav help callers including a guy whose girlfriend gets hit on constantly, a guy whose sister-in-law is convinced that he’s gay, and a man who describes the fallout of a traumatic high school experience that made national headlines. Watch LET'S START A CULT in theaters 10/25!! Get your tickets at https://stavvy.biz/movie Join us at Q&A screenings in Baltimore (10/24), NYC (10/25 & 10/26), and Brooklyn (10/29). Get your tickets: https://stavvy.biz/movie Follow Robert Kelly on social media: https://www.facebook.com/robertkellylive/ https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ If you'd like to be a part of future live call episodes, subscribe at www.patreon.com/stavvysworld to get access to the Stavvy's World Discord channel where these live calls are taken. Have a question for a regular episode? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Oh, what's up guys? Sorry buddy. What's up, Elpho? What's your you're on with me and Robert Kelly?
What's plaguing you my friend? Elpho before you get into your your trauma?
The name is this a God-given name?
Some nickname that you gave yourself so you can look cool in front of the weird chicks
It was my call of duty name. There you go. I respect mines you stink, too
name there you go respect mines you stink too when you kill me it says you killed you stink too and you know that you suck too alpha a very defensive name
Bob it really is that that resigns you to failure it's a name plan yeah around
failure what's going on alpha so I wanted some advice on how to respond to guys always hitting on my girlfriend.
Ooh, interesting.
Here, this is what you gotta do. Ready?
Let him give us a little context.
Go ahead.
You're talking to a guy who definitely would have tried to fuck your girlfriend in his prime, without question.
I'll do it now. That way you know her barometer.
That she'll fuck anybody.
All right, hit us, babe.
So I'm 22, I'm white, and she's black.
No shit.
And we live in the city together.
And whenever we step outside,
or like go to a bar or something,
and we hold hands or anything,
there's always black guys always glaring at me
and giving me a death glare.
Oh no.
No, we've got a future JD Vance
voter being being born in real time we've got a future fucking yeah I mean
we can straighten out right now you gotta move that's not gonna happen it's
Squam Lake in New Hampshire up in in Holden, it's the end. Not going to happen.
OK, so you're out and about.
Any time a black guy sees you with your black girlfriend,
they're like, Shawty, what are you doing with him?
They don't say that, but like they're sometimes
will be at a bar and I'll leave her for a second.
I'll come back and they'll be hitting on her.
And I don't know what to do.
Or like I do grab your ass in the bar.
And I was I didn't really know what to do. Or like a dude grabbed her ass in the bar
and I didn't really know what to do.
I'll tell you what to do.
Or like we'll be at the grocery store
and I'll leave her for like a minute, I'll come back.
And there's a six two guy just like flirting with her.
She sounds like a bad bitch to be honest with you.
If all it takes is a minute away.
Yo bro, you gotta away for some broccoli.
I came back and you're talking to me.
It's not right.
Put your hands on my girl's butt.
She's not a slut, you motherfucking mutt.
Get away, bitch, before I fucking chew you.
And that's why I'm gonna fucking use Ying Choo on you.
Oh wow, you gotta learn the martial art of yin-chu
yeah
you throw a nice fucking rap battle out at him and then he'll fail right?
Yeah, right whatever yo and his girlfriends. Just look at him like
When did you become this racist? Yeah, your black girl was like, I'm actually gonna go suck this guy off
Dude here's the problem
You're dating a black chick and you're on your you're a white guy, right? So when you walk back up
Listen do you get a white chick?
Easy suburbs Bob
It's really that world out there.
It's really that what you're describing is not that new.
This has been going on forever.
This happened once in the Bronx tale.
Here's what you do.
Get in the car, she opens the door for you.
She's the one.
If not, you throw her, give her to the black dude.
That's right.
Watch the Bronx tale with your girlfriend and just be like, hmm, this is how it should be.
Listen man, you gotta respect, we respect the black guy though.
They don't give a shit.
They don't give a shit.
They see, what's your name again?
Elfo.
Elfo.
Yeah.
Oh, here's another tip.
Don't tell them that.
I need you to learn how to rap.
We're gonna change your name.
Something like Jake or something.
Yeah, so what kind of guy, Elpho, what kind of guy,
tell us a little bit about this relationship.
How did you meet?
Well, so what kind of guy are you?
You don't seem to, you don't strike me as a,
maybe an athlete or ripped guy.
What do you got going on?
And how did you and your girl meet?
We've been on Bumble. Okay. I'm
Pretty average height. I lift a lot. So okay, and I play rugby. Oh
Interesting you worried about alpha. Yeah, man walk the fuck up. Let me tell you something hit him in the ankles
So you actually are a straw so this is you're not physically intimidated This is just an annoying thing you constantly have to deal with basically and like I feel like
Insecure when I like grab her hand I move her away or like be more aggressive
Sure, then like I feel like a bitch when I don't do anything. I just don't really know which one to do.
Don't do it, you gotta do the middle, Bubba.
You gotta do the middle, you gotta walk up,
be like, what's up man, she's hot, right?
Yeah, too bad you don't got her.
And walk away.
Walk up, she's smoking hot, right?
I did it.
Yeah, actually.
And grab her hand and go, don't even touch her,
go like this.
Come here.
Yeah.
Hold out a sugar cube for her um yeah i mean
look here's the thing this is wildly annoying but i do think all you can do is not be you you're
right you feel insecure whatever you just have to act like okay like, like, oh, hey, how we do. Be like, what's up, man?
Like, literally talk to as if it's just a human being
and just keep it moving like, oh, hey, man.
I don't know.
It's just like whenever somebody's
hitting on your girlfriend, you just
you can't seem intimidated or like you're scared or anything.
Training day.
You ever see the speech Denzel gives at the end?
Give that speech.
You're like, King Kong ain't got nothing on me. You ever see the speech Denzel gives at the end give that speech
But don't give it context just do it and then go let's go and then walk away
What's that's good. That's the rapping the King Kong speech the true romance speech from Christopher Walken. Yeah, I don't know I wouldn't give the Dennis Hopper
These are these aren't it they were Sicilian, maybe.
You know, these are black guys.
You know, the Moors.
Yeah, dude, I mean, and I mean, also, here's the thing.
Your girlfriend, this is the world she lives in, I assume.
Guys hit on her constantly.
She's a lot. Listen. She's allowing it to happen
No, she's not talking about if she should be listen. Let me tell you something. She should be like this
I have a boyfriend
His name is Alpo
Blaze rugby Elfo Alfo his name is Alfo and he loves magic
He's coming back from getting broccoli
Asparagus right now he goes back. He's gonna be bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, dude. You can't help it, man
You just gotta walk up take the hit you should be proud that your chicks getting hit on okay
You don't want to be the guy that nobody
This guy's out there that their girls never get hang on
Your girl is so fine that when you take her out guys are trying to walk up on her
That's a read. That's a that's a like you got it, dude
You did it you got a girl that other dudes want and she still wants you that's cool
That's that's like if you rolled up in a nice car and they want dude, this is you see him checking it out
They're just checking out your nice car
And you're getting in your nice car and driving away and getting a blowjob from it from the car
Dude, you gotta accept that shit. If you don't do what I did date a six
My chick was a six and thank god she became a seven and a half later
As you declined by the way
You you catch him while you're hotter and they're they're on the way up and you're on the way down
It's my let me tell you something bro. I never I always dated a hot chick with a hot body and a goofy face
You did a hot chick from head to toe,
you're gonna wind up with alphos.
You're gonna wind up with alpho problems.
You date a chick with a goofy face
that looks like David Letterman,
but she takes that fucking shirt off,
she's smoking hot, there you go dude.
But you're gonna date a hot chick,
you're gonna have to deal with it
and it's just a sign of respect.
So if you don't want it. You're gonna have to deal with it and it's just a sign of respect so
You know
Really respect you elf oh, you gotta get a Honda if you don't
I mean yeah, dude
So what do you have you talked about this at all with her or like what's the what are the vibes like?
Is this all in your head does she does not really give a fuck?
Well, she said that um, she said why I do usually is fine. She said that she'd like me to
Say something or she'd like me to say if she said if you fight them, I'll give you a blowjob. Oh
You're toast
Wow, you're toast. Yeah, you're done, dude.
You're done.
Not even much.
It was like everything's fine though.
Huh?
But like, if you wanted to fight,
then I would be happy.
Let me, okay dude, here's the other thing.
You're 22, right?
Let's just take a bird's eye view
from your older pals, Stav and Bobby here.
This, you'll remember this fondly
as the four months you got to fuck a hot black girl. Yes
This is not ending good
You're not a fighter and you shouldn't have to be and by the way
If this was your some it's some people's personality, right?
Like you know some people are more confrontational you clearly don't want to go through this
all you can do this is good for you because
Life teaches you what kind of person you are
You're not this kind of guy and by the way fighting over
Anything petty like this is not good for you in the long run
Behave the way you're gonna behave if it becomes an issue you should look at it like hey
It's fucking insane you want me to fight these guys, and you're the one with the problem not me
You know what I mean? You don't have an issue here You're just a young guy who's gotten a nice a nice a plus piece of trim here
and you're holding on with dear for dear life and
Sometimes in every movie when the when the guys holding on to the mountain and they get saved at the end
most of the time their hands get fucking tired and they fall down and
Eventually that probably will happen this relationship
I hate to break it to you, but just be true to yourself
Don't do anything. You know you don't want to do and you know
Maybe you get in a fight, and you're like you know what that wasn't worth it
This is just you learn don't get listen to me nobody wants to get a blowjob with a bloody nose
How good's the head it's not that good?
Listen dude, but this kid's not you know
Someday when you're with your wife with
You gonna have any race wife you want buddy
Raise your wife with a flat
Does that's not, it's a personality issue and it's not a race problem.
You're fine.
You're walking up with little Kim and you're fucking bitching.
Little Kim.
Enjoy, enjoy what's going down.
This guy hasn't lived in New York, in New York City limits in 12 years.
You can tell by the little Kim reference
Listen bro, enjoy it. Yeah, I'm saying enjoy it
You're with a real that other dudes want and I kind of agree with you got it enjoy it. It's good
Look statistically the ride's gonna end when I was 22. I wouldn't know how to deal with this shit either
I probably wouldn't now I would just be kind of a,
I might get my ass kicked by shooting off at the mouth
if somebody was behaving like this
towards somebody I was dating,
but I wouldn't fight anyone either.
Now, you can't fight somebody over you.
My therapist said this to me once,
save your rage for your wife and your kid.
Interesting.
Stop giving it to people that don't deserve it.
That's a very I mean
Do you want to give us some context on that?
I'm not gonna fucking murder a guy at a traffic light
But if a guy came by therapist the guy who sold you an unregistered gun
I'm gonna come up to my wife and kid and threaten them. That's when you release the superhero power when protecting your family when you need it
Not on some girl that you're dating right now, and you look first of all you don't love her because you're holding hands
Yes, when you're in love he's young a separate separate parts of the fucking store. He's young
He's dealing with some like that you you also at your age are learning the types of people you're compatible with you know
What I mean, and it's like you you know you just got to ride this out little buddy
And by the way, it's it ain't a bad problem to have like Bobby says now. You're with somebody that hot
Hopefully you this doesn't cause you too much stress
But you know you can't really be someone you're not.
You know what I mean?
We're not gonna sit here and tell you to be more aggro
when you don't have that.
And like Bobby says, save any kind of anger,
not for somebody like, I mean look,
grabbing a girl's ass, that's different.
Maybe you could have fucking gotten
a little aggressive there, obviously, that's assault.
But if someone's just talking to her.
I'm not fucking assault.
It is, grabs somebody's ass
Ever see the movie porkies, I mean come on it's yeah we have
It's actually not it's not about pussy as much as you think it's about some weird bar
It's about assault. Yeah, I mean, it's all about there's a lot of rape happening
There's a lot of rape happening at all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but look at man. Somebody grabbed your girl's ass. That's messed up
But what are you gonna do? You're gonna you're gonna go to jail over some piece of shit and she should have been like yo
Get off me and you should be like, let's go. Let's get the fuck out of here.
And if he followed you, yeah, maybe you'd take care of it.
But it ain't worth going to jail or hurting a dude
or getting hurt.
Well, here's what I always think.
Okay, I'm gonna hit this guy.
He's gonna knock me the fuck out.
My girl's gonna wake up in a trunk.
I'm gonna get my ass kicked.
Yeah.
So look, man, it doesn't really sound like we've helped you this far. My girls are gonna wake up in a trunk. I'm gonna get my ass kicked. Yep.
So look, man, it doesn't really sound like we've helped you that much, but you know,
we're just kind of giving you context for what you're dealing with here.
And you know, just be true to yourself.
Honestly, do you have problems standing up for yourself in general?
I'm working on it a lot.
Yeah, see that's the thing.
I feel like I painted her in a bad light.
She's really cool most of the time.
If I never fought anyone,
I feel like she'd be cool with that.
Yeah, yeah.
But if you do fight someone, she'll blow you.
She also might have been joking, who knows?
They're also both young,
and she's probably trying to make the best
of a weird situation also.
Let me ask you a question this might
I don't want this to come off wrong
You know what? Let's not ask that question
You know what buddy?
Gonna go and not ask that one whatever if you're even thinking it's an issue
We we're gonna go ahead and skip it and we're just
We're just gonna tell you and we're just gonna tell you
to work on your, just, you know we've already spent too much time on this question in particular, so we're just
gonna move on.
Alright, thank you.
Alright, so listen bud, this, just a final thought here, standing up for yourself is
something you need to work on, this might be. This might not be a bad thing to keep in the back of your mind.
Like, hey, if at some point I need to really stand up for me and my girl, will I be there?
Will I be ready to do that?
And this is just something for the rest of your life, right?
You're 22, I remember being 22, letting people walk all over me.
Just work on it, keep working on it, be, you know, have like little goals, maybe go to therapy.
That was one of the first things I went to therapy for
was just kind of like, I'm serious.
I'm just, I just pitched it his first day of therapy.
By which problem?
All right man, these guys keep grabbing my chicks ass.
And she said she'd blow me if I fight them.
I'm trying to get head, doctor.
But yeah, keep working at it, brother.
And you're at a point in your life
where it's good that you know what you want to work on
already, you know what I mean?
And keep working on it.
And someday, enjoy it now, because someday they're
not going to want to grab her ass.
She's just going to be a regular wife.
What a tragedy that'll be.
Yeah.