Stavvy's World - Bonus #99 - Live Call Show Vol. 17 w/ Robert Kelly [PATREON PREVIEW]

Episode Date: October 24, 2024

Patreon preview. Unlock full episode at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld Robert Kelly returns to the podcast to talk about what playing Stav and Ethan Suplee’s dad in LET’S START A CULT and i...mpart his paternal wisdom directly to callers in Live Call Show Vol. 17!! Bobby and Stav help callers including a guy whose girlfriend gets hit on constantly, a guy whose sister-in-law is convinced that he’s gay, and a man who describes the fallout of a traumatic high school experience that made national headlines. Watch LET'S START A CULT in theaters 10/25!! Get your tickets at https://stavvy.biz/movie Join us at Q&A screenings in Baltimore (10/24), NYC (10/25 & 10/26), and Brooklyn (10/29). Get your tickets: https://stavvy.biz/movie Follow Robert Kelly on social media: https://www.facebook.com/robertkellylive/ https://twitter.com/robertkelly https://www.instagram.com/robertkellylive/ If you'd like to be a part of future live call episodes, subscribe at www.patreon.com/stavvysworld to get access to the Stavvy's World Discord channel where these live calls are taken. Have a question for a regular episode? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Oh, what's up guys? Sorry buddy. What's up, Elpho? What's your you're on with me and Robert Kelly? What's plaguing you my friend? Elpho before you get into your your trauma? The name is this a God-given name? Some nickname that you gave yourself so you can look cool in front of the weird chicks It was my call of duty name. There you go. I respect mines you stink, too name there you go respect mines you stink too when you kill me it says you killed you stink too and you know that you suck too alpha a very defensive name Bob it really is that that resigns you to failure it's a name plan yeah around failure what's going on alpha so I wanted some advice on how to respond to guys always hitting on my girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:00:48 Ooh, interesting. Here, this is what you gotta do. Ready? Let him give us a little context. Go ahead. You're talking to a guy who definitely would have tried to fuck your girlfriend in his prime, without question. I'll do it now. That way you know her barometer. That she'll fuck anybody. All right, hit us, babe.
Starting point is 00:01:07 So I'm 22, I'm white, and she's black. No shit. And we live in the city together. And whenever we step outside, or like go to a bar or something, and we hold hands or anything, there's always black guys always glaring at me and giving me a death glare.
Starting point is 00:01:22 Oh no. No, we've got a future JD Vance voter being being born in real time we've got a future fucking yeah I mean we can straighten out right now you gotta move that's not gonna happen it's Squam Lake in New Hampshire up in in Holden, it's the end. Not going to happen. OK, so you're out and about. Any time a black guy sees you with your black girlfriend, they're like, Shawty, what are you doing with him?
Starting point is 00:01:54 They don't say that, but like they're sometimes will be at a bar and I'll leave her for a second. I'll come back and they'll be hitting on her. And I don't know what to do. Or like I do grab your ass in the bar. And I was I didn't really know what to do. Or like a dude grabbed her ass in the bar and I didn't really know what to do. I'll tell you what to do.
Starting point is 00:02:08 Or like we'll be at the grocery store and I'll leave her for like a minute, I'll come back. And there's a six two guy just like flirting with her. She sounds like a bad bitch to be honest with you. If all it takes is a minute away. Yo bro, you gotta away for some broccoli. I came back and you're talking to me. It's not right.
Starting point is 00:02:31 Put your hands on my girl's butt. She's not a slut, you motherfucking mutt. Get away, bitch, before I fucking chew you. And that's why I'm gonna fucking use Ying Choo on you. Oh wow, you gotta learn the martial art of yin-chu yeah you throw a nice fucking rap battle out at him and then he'll fail right? Yeah, right whatever yo and his girlfriends. Just look at him like
Starting point is 00:03:10 When did you become this racist? Yeah, your black girl was like, I'm actually gonna go suck this guy off Dude here's the problem You're dating a black chick and you're on your you're a white guy, right? So when you walk back up Listen do you get a white chick? Easy suburbs Bob It's really that world out there. It's really that what you're describing is not that new. This has been going on forever.
Starting point is 00:03:51 This happened once in the Bronx tale. Here's what you do. Get in the car, she opens the door for you. She's the one. If not, you throw her, give her to the black dude. That's right. Watch the Bronx tale with your girlfriend and just be like, hmm, this is how it should be. Listen man, you gotta respect, we respect the black guy though.
Starting point is 00:04:10 They don't give a shit. They don't give a shit. They see, what's your name again? Elfo. Elfo. Yeah. Oh, here's another tip. Don't tell them that.
Starting point is 00:04:21 I need you to learn how to rap. We're gonna change your name. Something like Jake or something. Yeah, so what kind of guy, Elpho, what kind of guy, tell us a little bit about this relationship. How did you meet? Well, so what kind of guy are you? You don't seem to, you don't strike me as a,
Starting point is 00:04:40 maybe an athlete or ripped guy. What do you got going on? And how did you and your girl meet? We've been on Bumble. Okay. I'm Pretty average height. I lift a lot. So okay, and I play rugby. Oh Interesting you worried about alpha. Yeah, man walk the fuck up. Let me tell you something hit him in the ankles So you actually are a straw so this is you're not physically intimidated This is just an annoying thing you constantly have to deal with basically and like I feel like Insecure when I like grab her hand I move her away or like be more aggressive
Starting point is 00:05:21 Sure, then like I feel like a bitch when I don't do anything. I just don't really know which one to do. Don't do it, you gotta do the middle, Bubba. You gotta do the middle, you gotta walk up, be like, what's up man, she's hot, right? Yeah, too bad you don't got her. And walk away. Walk up, she's smoking hot, right? I did it.
Starting point is 00:05:39 Yeah, actually. And grab her hand and go, don't even touch her, go like this. Come here. Yeah. Hold out a sugar cube for her um yeah i mean look here's the thing this is wildly annoying but i do think all you can do is not be you you're right you feel insecure whatever you just have to act like okay like, like, oh, hey, how we do. Be like, what's up, man?
Starting point is 00:06:05 Like, literally talk to as if it's just a human being and just keep it moving like, oh, hey, man. I don't know. It's just like whenever somebody's hitting on your girlfriend, you just you can't seem intimidated or like you're scared or anything. Training day. You ever see the speech Denzel gives at the end?
Starting point is 00:06:22 Give that speech. You're like, King Kong ain't got nothing on me. You ever see the speech Denzel gives at the end give that speech But don't give it context just do it and then go let's go and then walk away What's that's good. That's the rapping the King Kong speech the true romance speech from Christopher Walken. Yeah, I don't know I wouldn't give the Dennis Hopper These are these aren't it they were Sicilian, maybe. You know, these are black guys. You know, the Moors. Yeah, dude, I mean, and I mean, also, here's the thing.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Your girlfriend, this is the world she lives in, I assume. Guys hit on her constantly. She's a lot. Listen. She's allowing it to happen No, she's not talking about if she should be listen. Let me tell you something. She should be like this I have a boyfriend His name is Alpo Blaze rugby Elfo Alfo his name is Alfo and he loves magic He's coming back from getting broccoli
Starting point is 00:07:30 Asparagus right now he goes back. He's gonna be bullshit. Yeah. Yeah, dude. You can't help it, man You just gotta walk up take the hit you should be proud that your chicks getting hit on okay You don't want to be the guy that nobody This guy's out there that their girls never get hang on Your girl is so fine that when you take her out guys are trying to walk up on her That's a read. That's a that's a like you got it, dude You did it you got a girl that other dudes want and she still wants you that's cool That's that's like if you rolled up in a nice car and they want dude, this is you see him checking it out
Starting point is 00:08:06 They're just checking out your nice car And you're getting in your nice car and driving away and getting a blowjob from it from the car Dude, you gotta accept that shit. If you don't do what I did date a six My chick was a six and thank god she became a seven and a half later As you declined by the way You you catch him while you're hotter and they're they're on the way up and you're on the way down It's my let me tell you something bro. I never I always dated a hot chick with a hot body and a goofy face You did a hot chick from head to toe,
Starting point is 00:08:46 you're gonna wind up with alphos. You're gonna wind up with alpho problems. You date a chick with a goofy face that looks like David Letterman, but she takes that fucking shirt off, she's smoking hot, there you go dude. But you're gonna date a hot chick, you're gonna have to deal with it
Starting point is 00:09:01 and it's just a sign of respect. So if you don't want it. You're gonna have to deal with it and it's just a sign of respect so You know Really respect you elf oh, you gotta get a Honda if you don't I mean yeah, dude So what do you have you talked about this at all with her or like what's the what are the vibes like? Is this all in your head does she does not really give a fuck? Well, she said that um, she said why I do usually is fine. She said that she'd like me to
Starting point is 00:09:32 Say something or she'd like me to say if she said if you fight them, I'll give you a blowjob. Oh You're toast Wow, you're toast. Yeah, you're done, dude. You're done. Not even much. It was like everything's fine though. Huh? But like, if you wanted to fight,
Starting point is 00:09:48 then I would be happy. Let me, okay dude, here's the other thing. You're 22, right? Let's just take a bird's eye view from your older pals, Stav and Bobby here. This, you'll remember this fondly as the four months you got to fuck a hot black girl. Yes This is not ending good
Starting point is 00:10:07 You're not a fighter and you shouldn't have to be and by the way If this was your some it's some people's personality, right? Like you know some people are more confrontational you clearly don't want to go through this all you can do this is good for you because Life teaches you what kind of person you are You're not this kind of guy and by the way fighting over Anything petty like this is not good for you in the long run Behave the way you're gonna behave if it becomes an issue you should look at it like hey
Starting point is 00:10:37 It's fucking insane you want me to fight these guys, and you're the one with the problem not me You know what I mean? You don't have an issue here You're just a young guy who's gotten a nice a nice a plus piece of trim here and you're holding on with dear for dear life and Sometimes in every movie when the when the guys holding on to the mountain and they get saved at the end most of the time their hands get fucking tired and they fall down and Eventually that probably will happen this relationship I hate to break it to you, but just be true to yourself Don't do anything. You know you don't want to do and you know
Starting point is 00:11:14 Maybe you get in a fight, and you're like you know what that wasn't worth it This is just you learn don't get listen to me nobody wants to get a blowjob with a bloody nose How good's the head it's not that good? Listen dude, but this kid's not you know Someday when you're with your wife with You gonna have any race wife you want buddy Raise your wife with a flat Does that's not, it's a personality issue and it's not a race problem.
Starting point is 00:11:51 You're fine. You're walking up with little Kim and you're fucking bitching. Little Kim. Enjoy, enjoy what's going down. This guy hasn't lived in New York, in New York City limits in 12 years. You can tell by the little Kim reference Listen bro, enjoy it. Yeah, I'm saying enjoy it You're with a real that other dudes want and I kind of agree with you got it enjoy it. It's good
Starting point is 00:12:17 Look statistically the ride's gonna end when I was 22. I wouldn't know how to deal with this shit either I probably wouldn't now I would just be kind of a, I might get my ass kicked by shooting off at the mouth if somebody was behaving like this towards somebody I was dating, but I wouldn't fight anyone either. Now, you can't fight somebody over you. My therapist said this to me once,
Starting point is 00:12:37 save your rage for your wife and your kid. Interesting. Stop giving it to people that don't deserve it. That's a very I mean Do you want to give us some context on that? I'm not gonna fucking murder a guy at a traffic light But if a guy came by therapist the guy who sold you an unregistered gun I'm gonna come up to my wife and kid and threaten them. That's when you release the superhero power when protecting your family when you need it
Starting point is 00:13:11 Not on some girl that you're dating right now, and you look first of all you don't love her because you're holding hands Yes, when you're in love he's young a separate separate parts of the fucking store. He's young He's dealing with some like that you you also at your age are learning the types of people you're compatible with you know What I mean, and it's like you you know you just got to ride this out little buddy And by the way, it's it ain't a bad problem to have like Bobby says now. You're with somebody that hot Hopefully you this doesn't cause you too much stress But you know you can't really be someone you're not. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:13:47 We're not gonna sit here and tell you to be more aggro when you don't have that. And like Bobby says, save any kind of anger, not for somebody like, I mean look, grabbing a girl's ass, that's different. Maybe you could have fucking gotten a little aggressive there, obviously, that's assault. But if someone's just talking to her.
Starting point is 00:14:02 I'm not fucking assault. It is, grabs somebody's ass Ever see the movie porkies, I mean come on it's yeah we have It's actually not it's not about pussy as much as you think it's about some weird bar It's about assault. Yeah, I mean, it's all about there's a lot of rape happening There's a lot of rape happening at all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but look at man. Somebody grabbed your girl's ass. That's messed up But what are you gonna do? You're gonna you're gonna go to jail over some piece of shit and she should have been like yo Get off me and you should be like, let's go. Let's get the fuck out of here.
Starting point is 00:14:45 And if he followed you, yeah, maybe you'd take care of it. But it ain't worth going to jail or hurting a dude or getting hurt. Well, here's what I always think. Okay, I'm gonna hit this guy. He's gonna knock me the fuck out. My girl's gonna wake up in a trunk. I'm gonna get my ass kicked.
Starting point is 00:15:03 Yeah. So look, man, it doesn't really sound like we've helped you this far. My girls are gonna wake up in a trunk. I'm gonna get my ass kicked. Yep. So look, man, it doesn't really sound like we've helped you that much, but you know, we're just kind of giving you context for what you're dealing with here. And you know, just be true to yourself. Honestly, do you have problems standing up for yourself in general? I'm working on it a lot. Yeah, see that's the thing.
Starting point is 00:15:27 I feel like I painted her in a bad light. She's really cool most of the time. If I never fought anyone, I feel like she'd be cool with that. Yeah, yeah. But if you do fight someone, she'll blow you. She also might have been joking, who knows? They're also both young,
Starting point is 00:15:39 and she's probably trying to make the best of a weird situation also. Let me ask you a question this might I don't want this to come off wrong You know what? Let's not ask that question You know what buddy? Gonna go and not ask that one whatever if you're even thinking it's an issue We we're gonna go ahead and skip it and we're just
Starting point is 00:16:01 We're just gonna tell you and we're just gonna tell you to work on your, just, you know we've already spent too much time on this question in particular, so we're just gonna move on. Alright, thank you. Alright, so listen bud, this, just a final thought here, standing up for yourself is something you need to work on, this might be. This might not be a bad thing to keep in the back of your mind. Like, hey, if at some point I need to really stand up for me and my girl, will I be there? Will I be ready to do that?
Starting point is 00:16:34 And this is just something for the rest of your life, right? You're 22, I remember being 22, letting people walk all over me. Just work on it, keep working on it, be, you know, have like little goals, maybe go to therapy. That was one of the first things I went to therapy for was just kind of like, I'm serious. I'm just, I just pitched it his first day of therapy. By which problem? All right man, these guys keep grabbing my chicks ass.
Starting point is 00:16:59 And she said she'd blow me if I fight them. I'm trying to get head, doctor. But yeah, keep working at it, brother. And you're at a point in your life where it's good that you know what you want to work on already, you know what I mean? And keep working on it. And someday, enjoy it now, because someday they're
Starting point is 00:17:17 not going to want to grab her ass. She's just going to be a regular wife. What a tragedy that'll be. Yeah.

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