Stavvy's World - Dan Soder

Episode Date: December 19, 2022

Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworldComedian Dan Soder (HBO, 'Billions') joins the pod to revisit a childhood of smoking cigs and dealing with his mom's boyfriend, and compare notes on failed hookups with Stav. Stav and Dan help callers, including a man who's considering moving back to his hometown after a one-time fling with a friend of a friend during Thanksgiving break.

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb Hoba Welcome to Stavvy's world everybody Beautiful fucking day here. We got my fucking My fucking ace Danny Soge and the fucking building So happy to have you here in the fucking studio. This is like something I should do to a very Greek set You're beautiful It's gonna be back in a story where the only place that they're racist against other brown hair whites

This is Albanian oh By the way my biggest joke I've ever had stand like the joke that got me cone in or whatever was about Russians being the scariest white people in Reality that was about Wow I was in the Bronx and I was leaving the hospital and these fucking dudes, these dudes in fucking NASCAR jackets. You know dudes in the hood were wearing black and NASCAR jackets. Yeah, it's absolutely. The M&M's one, which is crazy to fear getting stomped out by guys wearing skittles. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking Oreo and Pencil. The peanut M&M's was the big one. Oh, it's the Oreo! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For sure, the blue Oreo's, I remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I wait, like, no problem. Go to terrain.

And later, I like wrote the joke or whatever. But my friend's mom, like, lived up there. She was like, oh, she's like, old black, and she goes, oh, they thought you were Albanian. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, shit. Ha, ha, ha, ha.. He says, oh, they thought you were Albanian. Shit. Yeah, the Albanians, they definitely, we've, you know, this is, we've talked about it. Al, me and Al has been friends since we were literally kindergarten.

I just looked at the picture. Yeah, they're adorable. We have our second grade picture. Maybe we'll put that on the fucking Patreon. We want to see hot kids go to their Patreon. Yeah, you get to see, honestly see honestly eldest crushes that picture. He's got the ace Ventura on He's fucking got the goofy ass look on his face. My mom made me dress up. Yeah I want piss. Oh dude one time my mom didn't know his picture day, and I wore my Simpson's shirt. Oh, yeah, dude legend

It came back my hair was all like mad at it. So I thought on it. Dude, my mom, she called Life Touch. Wow. She's like, you're doing readers? She's unacceptable. Because my mom, my mom, that's like, when you're a single mom, your kid's photo back in the day before the phone, school picture was like. Oh, you have is the photo.

It's big, it's on your desk at work, it's everything. Yes, it's your profile pic. They see a little tweaked out then was Harold fuck with Homer Strangler. Homer Strangler. Art Totino's debris all over his fucking hair. It was like a or it was like a pinkish orange shirt and. I was like, this is heat. That's a banger. I can see if I can find that photo. Oh, we need that one. I just remember my mom being so pissed.

She wanted me in a nice, of course, dude. She wanted me in the little sweater. Golf shirt. Yeah, golf shirt, hair combed. Just looking up in those lasers or blasts. Yeah. To show the fucking, the other horse in the town. So you were dressed up and you were just, he had it.

His mom probably didn't know, because his mom was, your mom would have you look nice too, if she knew. Yeah, I think so. I don't know if they were even like, that big on the family photos. I feel like we probably, on the school photos,

I feel like we probably didn't buy a lot of those or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got the pressing, because my mom was like, I'm sending this. She sent it to like my dad Because doing it. Yeah, can't keep me down

It was that was like a big deal. Oh my god My mom gave a really gave a fuck about those we have a lot of those running around and I seen your photos Oh, yeah, my senior photos a fucking banger art now here's the thing You guys have I look like those kids. You guys took seat senior photo is a fucking banger. Art, now here's the thing. You guys have, I've seen a lot of these Coast kids. These Coast. Are you guys Tuxedos inside? Yes, sir. That's always what it is. Tuxedos, Les Coast kids, we're out in nature.

Oh wow. A little dressed up, but just letting you know that we're connected still. Sure, sure, sure. Mine was like, in the mountains up in, where did you, you grew up in the town where the fucking, the Joker shot up everybody, right? Yeah, yeah. The original Joker, the original Joker. Yeah, James James Harris shot the Aurora mall up.

Wasn't he home? Was it James Holmes? James Holmes, was it? Yeah, Aurora. You're from Aurora. Yeah, that was your role. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have a joke about that. But I'm still tries to get me to go. She's still like, she keeps trying to sell it. Yeah. Like it's all old haunted house. I love it. And look, we're gonna, this is great.

We even jumped right in. This is the kind of shit we're gonna, and listen, me and Danny Boy here, we're gonna get to your fucking problems. But, and we're gonna call 9-0, the number is, oh this is flashing on the screen right now, 9-0-0-400, Stav.

We'll answer your shit. It's pretty awesome you got Stav. He said Stav, good, yeah. I had to go a Jacksonville area code for it But fuck it and the 800s cool to you. Yeah, no, they just a little do We see that never he's like no, no for yeah, we're about to be cut. Yeah, we should get a little do volunteer before we get too off topic Though, no, I just want to say we're going back into us fucking around we fuck around for what we get it We get to your shit because that's everyone

We have on here has a fucked up weird life Yeah, we know no one gets out on skates, and so we're getting into we want to hear about fucking we want to hear about fucking You know getting harassed. This isn't about me. This is I was saying we were all talking about your guys second grade picture Please and this is I don't know if this is a bad thought you might have to edit No, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but would it they're kind of hot aren't they you see those pictures don't know if this is a bad thought, you might have to edit this. No, that's yeah, yeah, yeah. But would it be? They're kind of hot, aren't they? You see those pictures, don't you get hard? Well here's my thing, this is my thought. Oh no.

He's a child porn. If you take naked photos of yourself, when you're like, seven, and then you let them bake until you're 37. Right, right. And you're like, look at this naked boy. But it's you. It, I think legally it is. The it is people people have gotten my friends of mine in Maryland

They had a friend who was sexting and he and he sent a pick He sent a picture of his dick that he took when he was 16 and he was 18 at the time Like first of all hilarious to reuse you didn't go through a grocery Two years so it stopped at 16 Like, first of all, hilarious to reuse. You didn't go through a Girl's skirt? Those two, those are big two years. She was, so it stopped at 16. So anyway, so anyway, he used the picture of his dick and then like the girl's parents found it and he had pictures of her and she was like 17 or something.

So he got in trouble for his own child porn and child porn from a girl he was consensually sexting. No. I think she might have sent old pictures and he was like this whole fuck the whole thing. That was the whole joke I was thinking about is you send your boy a picture of you

naked in the tub at seven and you're like, you have child porn on your phone. I'm sorry, it's probably taking the airport. My just guess it. My family had a picture like that growing up. Like I used to I used to be afraid to like walk in the basement to pee when I was a kid. So I'd pee in this jar. We kept having nice

Real Albanian shit right there. That's how you that's their elf on a show If you're in two brown you're being a bad boy One time I was peeing in this thing. And I don't remember like, well, my parents fucking took a picture of it. And they just like kept it in like a family photo all over for years. So family friends would come over. What time had this family friend over?

That's like an elementary school. She was like, if they were books, she was like, I saw you pee. I was like, what the fuck? They're just like, this is like my dick hanging over that lap of this fucking joy of pissing. Should they have to use like a magnifying glass to see it?

It was a normal camera, not a high-powered magnification. Or your parents have known the thought that I had before when they're playing chess. We just incriminated you. Right, right, right, right. That was piss point. That was piss point. It's not just child force.

You're the water sports. Yeah, it's piss-, clean, clean, clean. I love that, that is funny because we definitely had like picture. There's a famous picture. You see, have you seen the watermelon picture with me, Nick and George? Me and my brothers have this, when we were, I was like three and they were, or maybe I was four and they were two. Yeah.

And we have pictures for whatever reason. It was naked holding hands, all like riding a watermelon. We're like, you're on it, watermelons? I think there were two watermelons, maybe there was one and we took turns, but just straight and it was like our family loved it because it was like why were they doing this so funny? Yeah. They took it, they happened, because it's like, there's no camera runs, they happened to have a camera out and captured this weird moment of who like toddlers.

Rubbing your Gucci on a bucket of water. Which we definitely all ate at. That's another hilarious thing. Everyone's just like, for dessert later, is just having, We ate that water. Oh. But yeah, it's like this thing they would just have

as a cute thing and it's like, yeah, that really is just kind of strange to be showing, showing off a picture of your children's penises. And they would show it well into, when we were like teenagers and children. And I bet it's back around now. Now you're all grown, you're like, you guys wanna see a photo?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is, yeah. That's not on the Patreon. We don't wanna get. That is technically trial pornography. But that's the photo whoever it wants to see. You guys are second grade, I've seen it, it's not. Watermelon dough.

Watermelon and eldest pissing in a fucking Campbell soup. 10. Yeah, dude, I love it. I love your fucking dust bowl generation before indoor plumbing. Oh, they were foreign. Like, we were foreign and poor, but like eldest was just one step under us.

Cause they were more recent immigrants. That's so funny. My family had like 10 years on his and he was like, they were living Ellis Islands. That's so fun. My family had like 10 years on his and he was like, they were living Ellis Island. His grandma like, sleep, her room was a hallway. Yeah, like a cop. Her bed was in the living room. Really?

I like right next to the TV. And you just like, you watch TV and then you're like, shut up, Nana. She was just sleep through the TV. We'd be in, me and my sister would be in the related night watching just like, kind of whispering. Like, Grandma would just be sleeping through that TV. We've been, me and my sister will be in the related night watching just like kind of whispering, like grandma would just be sleeping through that shit. And you lived alone yet, like completely alone.

I haven't lived completely. He will never leave alone because we were roommates and then he moved in with his girl. He'll never do it. Damn. Cause I wonder if you ever lived alone if you'd have to sleep on the floor like hangs and cast away.

Yeah. But you're just so used to being with other people that you're like, shh, shh, shh, shh. shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, shh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh, sh I was the oldest one. My brothers had to sleep. They had, they shared a room until they went to college. And like I shared a room with them until I was like 13. And it was like, we live, and it's like, and my parents were downstairs, their bedroom was just like, they just extended, they just cut, like the living room in half, and that was their bedroom.

And it was just like, and then our cousin lived with us for a few years. Did you ever, do you feel like Kevin McAllister and Home Alone with a family of leaves him? We go outside and go, hello. I'm a little uneasy sometimes still. Like I had a roommate, like we were talking earlier, we had some fucking gyros, we were fun to have,

it's really good. I came to a story and the best, one of the best food experiences of my life was I lived in a story for 17 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But the first time you took me, I've been living here a long time, you took me to Beese

Grill and just spoken that mystic tongues on this tree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I spoke to you. And you brought food that was so fresh. Yeah. It was so good. Oh my God. We got great fucking service.

Yeah, we got great service. I went back the next time and it was not as good. No, but I was, so it is a little honestly. Like I had to roommate up until really recently. And the only reason I actually don't have one anymore really is because like we needed the master bedroom for the studio. So it was like, it was kind of like, you hear that motherfucker's?

I'm growing as a person for you. Yeah. Okay, this is also my old bedroom. This is, Ellen, my girlfriend for like a year and a half. So I thought it's done. Ellen's fights in this bedroom. Yeah, Hell this is just cuts the now. And it's like, is picture of you naked child porn?

This is the exact spot. I'll just used to get his dick sucked. They're so crazy. And then you guys were just painting this mural. Yeah, we got my sister-in-law to do that. She's a really artist, yeah. There's the thing about Stavros that everyone needs to know. He hires all in-house.

It's true. It's the most great thing I've ever seen. He runs his comedy career like a diner. It's all in-genre-cent. All this doesn't know shit about producing. He thinks those ladies are doing it. He thinks any of these diner waiters just know how to properly cook a lobster.

You think anybody knows that? Yeah. Absolutely. I just had such a stoner moment and I forgot the fucking diner that Neptune Neptune I could remember Neptune diner Neptune man, I got a layer of resin around my shirt out to Neptune. No, it's alright dude. What are you gonna do? I've missed Neptune. It's not closing right now, but honestly, I do feel like it has dipped a little bit personally

It used to be yeah the spot the spot was good. It's also your broke. You know what I mean? Oh, Joe, listen to the thing. We would do this Monday night show where I would bark and Joe Liss would host and it would start at like eight and go to two in the morning. Damn. And I had to bark from like eight to ten. Yeah, yeah.

So at ten o'clock, but one of the way to this is we just feed us whiskey. Oh. And we drink beers and sit at the comedy village, and then we would get fucked up and come back to a story. It's both lived in a story. And we'd go to Neptune and just had enough money for chicken and rice with crackers and D.

What a poverty meal. What other fuckers hated us. Of course. Because we were allowed. We were fucked up. We were getting soup. They wanted to sleep through. They just wanted to sleep through that fucking shift. Hey, it was like 2.30 in, because we were allowed. We were fucked up. We were getting soup. They wanted to sleep through. They just wanted to sleep through that fucking shift.

Hey, it was like 2.30 in the morning on a Monday. And dude, I will never forget the hardest of ever laughs is we smoked weed right before we walked in. And I was, I was real fucked up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Both in your prime is alcoholics. Yeah. Like you're both sober now, but back then. And the guy, the guy train wrecked.

Slid a side plate of lemons. I don't guy train right. Slid aside plate of lemons. I don't know where, Slid aside plate of lemons on the table and lists just so red-eyed and he goes, he's trying new stuff. And I was like, dude, I grit me in a way that I was like, I don't know why I find that. So it was just the timing, everything. That was the hard one I was to ever laugh.

I'm trying to remember, was you and Joe taking a train ride and somehow, didn't somebody end up in like fucking Coney Islander? Was that you? Yeah, it was me and Liz. It wasn't me that ended up. I got off the train. Okay. We were at a story of Boulevard and Liz used to live off DIP Mars.

Okay. We live off DIP Mars in like 41st. So the second the last stop and the last stop. Yeah, I'm on the second the last stop. Yeah, I'm on second to last stop. And it's like a Monday night, banged up until you get through these shows. Of course. And we're like talking and I'm like, all right.

And we're like, by the other train and I were both like doing this. Of course. I was honestly born a train plenty of times. Me too. I'm walking up in the Bronx. Saving grace of Astoria is typically you shake awake and it's the last stop and it's like, all right,

it's a 20 minute walk, consider it a 10 minute walk, no big deal. No big deal. Yeah. So you get off on Astoria. A story of Boulevard hits. And you bid Joe farewell and he's got one more stop. I'm like, all right, later buddy.

And I wake up to piss at six o'clock in the morning. And it's an old flip phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I wake up to piss at six o'clock in the morning and it's an old flip phone. And I flip my phone open and it's list and he's like, holy shit, I woke up in Brooklyn. And then I got on the D-Train and I fell asleep again and woke up in the Bronx. And then the end of the picture. Kony Island, it did.

So he did a story all the way through Manhattan, all the way through Brooklyn. Kony Island, and he told me the story, he said, well, welcome up, we're Seagulls. And he just heard Seagulls. He was a stop from his home. He was a stop from his home. He was a stop from his home. He was a stop from his home. He was a stop from his home.

He was a stop from his home. He was a stop from his home. He was a stop from his home. He was a stop from his Odyssey. He's like, he'll open the bag of wind. He's fucking, he was there. Thank you, by the way, very appropriate reference. He's like, he's like, he was like, I fucking just heard Seedles. He's like, he was like, oh fuck. Incredible, dude. You guys are some real fucking drones, man.

Dude, one of the worst ones I had was I drank with the staff for care lines after a show some real fucking drugs man. Dude, one of the worst ones I had was I drank with the staff for care lines after a show that I was opening for and everyone's at playwrights. And we were all like, you're right around the corner there. And I had a huge crush on one of the waitresses and we were like smoking a cigarette and I think she was pretty drunk too.

And she was like, something about kissing me and I was like, what? And then we ended up making out and I was like, it's happening. It is happening. It is happening. And she was like, wanna walk me home? And I'm like what and then we ended up making out and I was like it's happening how you it is happening and she's like want to walk me home and I'm like yes fuck yes I walked her This is the most I've ever been finessed. Oh, man. I walked from 49th Street in Broadway sure Right in Times Square to Wall Street. Oh my God

Every time we would stop and I'd be like let me get a cap, I had no money. But I was like, let me get a cap. She would like, kiss me. And I could keep walking, I like walking. We got to her house and she's like, all right, well, I gotta go get my dog and walk it, but thanks for walking me. What? And I was like, no.

What? Crazy. And I was pretty drunk. Yeah. I was just at that thing where I was like, ah, no. And I got on the four train and fell asleep and woke up just hard by the way Hard dick hard

Dreaming about her sucking your dick Jason Merrill Dude I remember being like what stopped my at and it was like he was thinking the six or what were you trying to think the four I was good I was good I was good the green sugar up to 15.59 and then go real New York sugar you motherfucker you can make me still see the wall and I fell asleep and woke up and then I remember getting on the train back to go to fifth desk and it was everyone in their work clothes I was going to fifth nursery and it was everyone in their work clothes. Going to work. He was in the first night at Shell.

And I'm just like there. Like I can, I know my breath smells like shit and I'm just like sitting there. And I rode the train home and I was, I was, I was such an L. Yeah. And I remember that I had the 30 for 30 June 17th, 1994 DVR. Nice. And I sat in the living room drinking an Arizona green tea, smoking a cigarette, and watching him.

And Becky on the came out of his bedroom and he's like, what are you doing smoking inside? If you ever saw that, he knew some shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you took two hard elves back to back. Back to back. 50 blocks of drunk a shit to not get paid. More than 50 blocks. What are we talking?

Okay, because you're the cross the city. I would really like to know what that distance is. It's my feet hurt. What are we talking? Okay, because you're the cross the city. I would really like to know what that distance is. My feet hurt. For like 70 blocks, dude. My feet hurt. By the way, years later at a Caroline's Christmas party, I like busts their balls about it.

It's just very funny about it. I'm sorry, that was fucked up. Yeah, that was pretty. Yeah, thank you. A little closure. But dude, that's how much you could puppy dog me back in the day. Well, listen, we've all been there. I had a, you could puppy dog me back in the day. Yeah, well listen We've all been there we've all I had a very I kind of the opposite thing happened where it's like I am I'm in Greece with my boy

Right we're on this island Eos and it's like a fucking party island right and me and my guy or not we're not really like party boys like that It's all bunch of like drunk Australians are like like drunk Australians are like, eh, you need to get fucked up, you know what I mean? You're coming hot? Dude, hot as fuck. Do they come in and they're like, oh, what?

Three things, I want poor Danny. Oh, it's like, oh, you win in, yeah. That's 100%. That's the truth that I like to say that is, I think the closest to being racist I get is what I want. It's an anti-Australian. Is when I fuck with a friend,

I just tell them that their women are excellent lovers. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. It's like light eugenics a little bit. I just tell them that their women are excellent lovers It's like light eugenics a little bit. They're bread for it You never see race it can be yeah, yeah, all you have to say is like you know your women make excellent Right, right because there's also the implication that you're kind of fuck you're you're fucking their gene pool up with your shit You're fucking their gene pool up with your shit To Italian to Italian so I go Italian women are incredible lovers We're always bus chose boss. There's this one moment where he goes like hey, all right. Yeah It's telling you so stupid

You like what are you Australian? Yeah, but yeah, these fuck it's like all Australians and they're and one of the funniest actually I will admit An Australian girl that like charmed me I me and my me and my buddy on a different night. We're walking It's like there's like the villa. There's like the beach part sure you hang out and then up high on a mountain is like the clubs Right and it's sick you take a and then up high on a mountain is like the clubs, right? And it's sick. You take a little bus up there. It's really fun. But anyway, one other night when we both struck out horribly We were walking down this path actually before what I'm describing. There was like a secret path The taxi costs two euros. Yeah, we're broke as fuck. We're like fuck that that dude. We're just gonna walk it walk 20 minutes Walk it down here walking downhill. It's an easy walk and we're listening to this fucking guy is trying this guy from New Zealand

Is trying to fuck this Australian girl and she is trolling him. She's just like She's like he can you he's trying to fact like she literally had like was being like Australia supremacist to the New Zealand guy and she kept trolling She's like where's your Air Force mate? Where's your Air Force? New Zealanders don't have an Air Force. It's crazy. It's crazy to be talking about your country's military. While not getting pussy. Like she's like, I'm not going to fuck you and guess what? I would meet my people with more crime. You little land an a straw on me. Because you got a blinds. You got a blinds. You got blinds. You got a little land in the air straw, because you got any clients.

You got a band. You got any clients. Yeah, fucking Kiwi. So anyway, maybe this was when I, like, and I had walked the path a couple times, but I didn't know it well. So me and my board going out, and we're really are not like,

you know, we just kind of wanted to like relax. We went to Greece as like a reset thing. Sure. We're not raging. We're not raging. We're not raging. I had gotten a lot of, that was the first year of my life that I had gotten posted. We lived together in Baltimore at the time, and this is on 23, 24, and we got a cool,

my rent's 300 bucks. First time in my life, I fucked 10 girls that year. It was the best year of my life, you know what I mean? I still remember what a time. We were such retards too. We were like we we had spray painted a bottle of lube and whoever fucked most recently got the lube bottle. He's not a trophy. We were literally

trophies by Drake. The next morning when someone fucked they would take the lube bottle blast trophies on a boom box. And like we would award each other the fucking bottle of loop 23 with your boy is so fun. It's such fun. If you're 39 and doing that You're like hey do you have women kept in the basement? Yeah, yeah, it's over. It's fucking Who wants the loop? Yeah, no, I'm embarrassed now looking back But at the time it was like, you know, super fun a great and it was a really fun year But anyway, so we're going to Greece and like we just kind of wanted to

fucking relax. And the only reason we've been on this party island is because my, at the time, 36 year old cousin, this is Greece. There's no jobs for his generations after the economic collapse. So he just, his whole life, his job was he would be a bar back at a metal bar on a party island. And so we went to visit him. Otherwise, we're going to like laid-back islands. We had no idea what to expect. It's so funny. We go to his island the

first the first night and we're tired from travel. And he's like, come on, come visit me. And it's like, shit doesn't start till midnight. We're already tired. And we get to this bar like one, we're like, all right, we'll get a fucking, we'll get a drink and then we'll Just go to sleep whatever I want to see him. This motherfucker. It's an empty bar. He's working there. He's singing azi Osborne. He's taking the mic. He's playing. He's like he's just a thin is with my woman the The only person working, neglecting the customers and singing Ozzy Osborne.

I don't know what's more excited for that than a packed bar. No, for sure. I was really, I mean, don't get me wrong. That was hilarious to walk into that. That's my cousin I haven't seen like five years. He's a grown man and I'm like, I wonder what he's like these days. And that's what is like, he's had the most,

he had a great run where he would just like, there was no judgment because you couldn't get a job. Yeah. So you just like, you're not a piece of shit. He would go there and he would like work seasonally, he would just like, there was no judgment because you couldn't get a job. So you just like, You can't be, you're not a piece of shit. He would go there and he would like work seasonally, he would lose all his money. He would like, he would sleep in a tent and fuck tourists in a tent.

It worked for him because he just believed in himself. He had that like, It's a foreign conference. It's a foreign conference from a woman from like, Des Moines, she's like this Greek man, this charming, a guy who loves to me and his Greek man. Under the stars. And really he's like, you're an This charming guy. He's like, under the stars.

And really he's like, you're a z-fan? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. One time somehow, he went to a black side to show in London. And Ozzy Osborne had like water bottles, a bucket for his water bottles, and he threw the bucket in the stands.

And my cousin like fought guys and had it. And they tried to confiscate it from him at airport security and somehow post 9-11, he convinced them to just let him have like a bucket that Ozzy Osborne. That's crazy. I mean, he's a lunatic. Yeah.

I love him, he's the best. But anyway, a lot of backstory here. Anyway, my fucking cousin, Lonea, he keeps us up to like 4am. That's the only reason we're there. He's like, no, stick around. I was trying to get weed. He was like, stick around, I got a friend,

just lying so that we would hang out. And he like, just, the classic won't let you go to sleep guy. Anyway, that's the only reason we're at this. So we're getting ready for a night out like, you're gonna take a walk. You know, let's fuck it. So this is the next day, we're like, whatever, let's do it.

We meet some girl, there's a bus that takes you to the thing. We meet some like American girls and it's like, all right, if we're gonna fuck, it's gonna be girls that, you know, like we can't really fucking Greek. I'm fluent, but I can't really, I have like an eighth graders perception of Greek, I can't get pussy in Greek. And my buddy,

I've never thought about that with the, like anybody, anytime someone can speak another language, I just assume it's as good as your intro. No, I have to translate constantly, it sucks. And it's hard being funny, too, because it's like we're good at like timing and... Daniel Simonson is one of the most press-a-comics of ever seen.

Yeah, yeah. Very funny guy, go watch him. For sure, in Norwegian. And he's Norwegian and came here and is killing it. And he leans it, he's very smart because he's like a good joke writer and he leans into the like timing thing by having very unconventional timing. Yeah, and it really works with the accent Daniel's fucking hilarious. So you're on this so we're on the path and anyway, we meet these girls right and like three of them are fucking awesome. And one is like a little you know. You know, you need that you know one's a little issues but I'm like you know what I'm not

gonna get my hopes up. I'm gonna just I'm just gonna try and fuck the okay one. Yeah, you know what I mean like I'm gonna try out I'm gonna set my my friend is hot. I lived there. So I'm like yeah. I was was always on a great day, I'm second here. So we're chatting up these girls, and you know what, it's going good actually. And I'm like, okay, maybe we are going to get pussy-ingreese. This is kind of fun. We get to the bars, the first bar we're chatting,

and the way it would go would be like, you know, you bar-hop. They're all next to each other. Sure. And it's like, so we're chatting these girls up, and it's going kind of good. I think the one is kind of feeling me whatever. And you you know my boy is fucking talking to one of the hotter ones. We go to like the second or third bar with this fucking rugby team. Comes in and bro they are high. I would have sucked their cocks. They're just like statuess fucking shoulders

for this. Shoulders beautiful blonde like like fucking they look like Swayze and Point Break, but jacked. You know what I mean? Like, immediately? No body fat. Immediately the first, the hot ones. Gone. Swooped up.

I'm trying to see, I'm trying to see a cartoon dust. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? But it's a pew. Like, these bitches won't even look us in the eyes anymore. And then what happened, the way we get knocked off the hot ones I Get knocked off spreading all of my colleagues. I get knocked off the average looking one and my buddies like

I think I'm gonna get in here and I'm like you know what I wasn't that into it and she clearly like Because her options were better now she pounced because now there's a sale on my guy So she's just working on my boy the whole night and at a certain point I'm like this is gonna happen who cares It was pretty fun. I'm fucked up. I Wonder off I just randomly I see this girl when we were checking in we kind of made a little small talk But it was like I didn't think anything of it. I see her out. She's looking out of fucking control Like she's got like she's got like the dark lip. She or her car is curly and done up She's wearing this hot fucking dress where it's like, you just kind of only covers her tits, but it's like see through and she was not having this vibe at all when we were hanging out.

I just hit it off with her, right? And things are going, I'm like, what the fuck? I'm like, in my head, I'm like, how is this happening? Yeah. And she's like, I'm like, wanna get out of here? The first time you fuck out of your league, you're like, what's really going on? And like, here's the thing, I had fucked out in my league

in Baltimore with a home field advantage and with everything going my way after a show. Like, oh, I had figured out how to fuck in my home turf, but I'm doing a massive away game after already coming off an L. Like, this is an insane comeback. And she is like, exactly my type, curly hair, big tits.

Like, this is my fuck it. Like, I dreamt this up. It's almost the end of a 90s movie. It's insane. It's really the girl from the lobby and here's the thing. Yes me. I waited all exactly. No, no That's what would have been fucking playing here's the thing my fucking piece of shit cousin who kept me up to 4 am He actually came through and got me weed. I had weed in my fucking room. So 23 on vacation. No one can find drugs. She's about mine, she might.

So it's like, it's college-y shit, right? Post college first. So I'm like, I'm done, I'm like, wanna get out of here? I got weed, let's smoke weed on the beach. Fuck it. Oh, what? Come on. Now, here's where the fucking, here's where the error comes in.

Remember I told you the taxi costs two euros? Yeah. Or the walk was 20 minutes. I thought I had this one. I was like, two euros, it'll be romantic, we'll chat, you know, whatever. We'll go to the beach. You're doing that thing in your head where the moon is over the ocean. Exactly.

You guys are both laughing about a story. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I've got to come to ballpark. Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, I take this thing. It's supposed to be a 15, 20 minute walk. I keep getting lost. There's no path. It's like 40 minutes.

And at a certain point, the walk down starts, and it's like really fun and we're laughing. And then by the end, it's like, I'm saying she's silent. And then the last 10 minutes, she just like, it's pure silence. And I'm like, hey, wanna smoke? And she just doesn't, she's like, you know what I'm getting I'm actually kind of tired like the vibe has evaporated. I am devastated

Well, you felt that but how many when you lose the room? Yeah, I lost the room fully This is chatter and you're going like hey, what are you guys talking about? Going on over there dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you guys want to say? Oh, yeah. Just trying to, just trying to, you look nice shirt, buddy. And they're like, fuck you. And it's like, huh?

I'm just like, dude, I didn't lose the room. One of the audience members stabbed me. Like it was so done. This woman, we were staying in the same hotel. She wouldn't make eye contact with me. I blew it so hard. So, okay, so now it's eye contact. I blew it so hard. So Okay, so now it's been like I've left my boy. It's been like a couple hours because I hit it off with her. We're drinking. He's

I go to my room and I'm just like it's a fucking hostel, right? It's me and my guy. I just like I'm fucking I'm fucking I'm just ready to go forget it I get in there. I'm like let me watch a movie on his iPad and I go in there I start I start watching Grand Budapest hotel, okay, right? Good artsy the Grand Budapest hotel. You're in a hostel. So yeah, yeah, within minutes fucking door slams open I guess I have a guess it's gonna happen. My boy and his fucking girl come through. He just was it the Australian girl? No, no, it was just a girl from America.

Okay, oh, the girl, the girl that I, the original girl that I, the night started. My boy comes in, he sees me watching Grand Budapest Hotel. He's like, oh fuck, he's like, alright, I'm gonna go get my dick sucked in the pool. Here's some headphones. So he just goes, get this dick sucked in the pool. I have headphones. He just comes. He literally do treat you like a child. I put your headphones on and watch this. You're like a little girl that lives in the closet

and the Metallica turned the page. You know? He said, what I do never again? Yeah. He just like in the closet while your friends are like, so anyway. So he comes back. He comes back.

He's like, dude, he was just like, he's just like, yeah, I think he, I just hear him play. He's like, dude, he's like in the closet while your friends like so anyway, so he comes back He comes back. He's like dude. He was just like he's just like yeah, I think he I just hear him go Yeah, no, he's asleep They just come back Fucking watching on the iPad like this He's slamming her dude He's slamming her dude I'm rising Ralph yeah Ralph finds with a little mustache

Didn't it then it's like Jason Jason what's this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, fuck what is his name Jason? We fucked up rush more. Yeah anyway, shorts. There is Jason Schwartz. I was like, I didn't know that you just hear like a friend. Oh, fuck And he was a rugby team that fucked you up dude a rugby team and it was just and then wake up the next day He's he didn't want to she what she worked him because he he was vulnerable and After getting you know the girl he wanted so he felt Horrible about it and then I believe they fucked in the morning, too But anyway, it was a fun it was L's all around because he this no disrespect to this woman Aldous you know I was thinking the other day, I love, you know what I love?

Mango the fruit. I love its sweet, its delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango, pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad.

You know, many times I've gotten sucked off, be like, this actually, one time after a day, I was like, want to come back with some fruit salad. And I thought it was smooth. And then some girl, after she fucking was like, that was so weird. You asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't drunk. I wasn't drinking at the time. Well, they say mangoes are an effort, Dziek. Well, here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point,

because I was eating the mango, and oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. And I was thinking to myself, what if this mango made my dick hard? You know? I was like, now that would be something else. That'd be awesome. And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game.

You know I'm a dick pill evangelist, eldest. You know I'm an ED, I've tried them all from the gas stations to other services. MangoRX now has a new ED pill that is game changing, okay? Really? Taste like mango, my friend. Delicious, just like it. And they have a nice proprietary, because like I said, I've tried them all,

they got a new proprietary formula that combines the active ingredients in Seattle's and Viagra with oxytocin, known as the love hormone. I've never heard of oxytocin before in my life, but let me tell you this, made my dick harder than ever. We're talking zwing! You know when they take out a sword and it goes,

zing! That's how I felt putting my dick out of the condom. It was like unsheathing my hardcock. It was pure metal after I had some mango Rx-brother. Shining in the light. Yes, one little gleam. One little gleam. One little gleam when I turned my dick a little bit.

Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first. I don't know. Yeah, because like I said, I've done a bunch of them. And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow. They got all kinds of science shit in here. They're making them taste delicious. I am so happy. It is it was the goal of this podcast. Truly, we sort of made a podcast to discover and work with the new innovators on the cutting edge of the heart making your dick hard

science in the field, right? People who have a beautiful goal, here's their mission, make America hard again, eldest. Then, you know, let's get, can we get, fuck, fucking idiot. There you go, sorry. We tried to give it the applause, it deserved, but some asshole wasn't ready to go. And look, make America hard again.

I think on, whatever side of the aisle you're on, conservative liberal leftist centrist, you could, we could all use a harder dick. Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks, all this division in the world would go away, all this. I think this is such a good product, Eldis. I think you might have to change your long standing opinion on ED medication in general because look, here's the thing about mango orics, you might not need it, but

you're going to want it, pal. Yeah. All right. I know I've spoken about it a lot, but I am excited to try this one. Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor. Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend. The dissolving factor and the yummy taste

do make me very impressed. You've seen me take edible stuff for. That's true, just because you wanted a little dummy. I don't know how to eat a lot of a snack because that's so much why I had to get high as well. I've seen you take weed addibles. I've seen you take fiber addibles where you're shitting yourself

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I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and

walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb. Every other girl he's ever fucked his life is like much harder like that was his his rock he got taken advantage of and he's a piece of it.

He was probably mad he was probably mad because the rugby team came and fucking the whole food chain. Exactly, exactly. So anyway, but yeah, I saw that other girl. I would see her like around and I was just like, what could have been? Hey, so now phones have Google Maps. Yeah. If you're out there, if you remember the story

and you still got big ass titties, I'm up now, baby. I'm up. You don't realize she's got like two young kids. Oh, she's got kids for sure. No, I'm 33, baby. I'm up. You don't realize she's got like two young kids for sure. No, I'm 33 everyone. Yeah, this day, you're gonna come to your show and sweat pants and a boot. Yeah, yeah, I'll listen. I'll fucking you just listen. The tits are there, but the mean ain't as firm. We don't we can work with that. If you're listening, we can work with that. Yeah, dude. You're a titty cobbler, but dude Absolutely, we can do that for sure. We'll hold I know how to hold them. I got enough leather

I could fucking push it out. Dude, I know how to I know the push I know the legs to brace them in a certain way I wonder when they're all folded up. I got a fucking system Starrows over you to a tinny or a gummy Fuck anyway, yeah, that was just a we took a big detour there But that's a good I just needed to get that story out there tough owls man tough owls when you're on the precipice of getting your Dicks like to then it snatched away from you young and horny. It's mostly else where'd you go? You went to didn't you go to Arizona? What's you go? Did you go to Arizona State? What's you, Vey? I was in Tucson.

I was in Tucson. And it just out of, I just jumped up a way class and shouldn't have gone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah. Sure, yeah. Sure, yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah.

Sure, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah like that freshman year, I was like, what? Yeah, yeah. That took it all aggressive? Of course. It was instead, it was just like dudes being like, yeah, we're gonna go do some blow and then all the girls were like bleach blonde, two tan. Yeah, yeah.

Where and the other. Not your cup of tea. Not at all. No. I needed to go to like Vermont. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would have done great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, some mountainous bitches. Or cow, for example. Some of those, yeah, yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah, you would have done great. Yeah, yeah, some mountain mountainous bitches or cow

Yeah, yeah, no or cow maybe but like yeah Oregon Pacific Northwest probably would have done Rillow Yeah, Arizona everyone was tan and shirtless and I was like I'm puffing nips And I just wanted to smoke sigs and get yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all I wanted to do Oh, yeah, you needed to go to a place where you could get pussy from getting high, not doing blows. Yeah, and it was, they call it, you know, when I was there, they called it the U of A. Oh, I didn't know that. The first time I ever saw a line in a party.

I was like, are people waiting to go smoke a bowl in the room? Yeah, so I was like, what? Like no loser. Damn, did you get cocaine? Were you there when Sugs was there? No, he was at ASU, but he was there. He was at ASU. Sugs was there in my way. Sorry, the devils are the ASU. Yeah, we're. Were you there when Sugs was there? No, he was at ASU, but he was there. He was at ASU. Sugs was there, my-

Sorry, the devils are the ASU. Yeah, we're the wild cats. We're the wild cats. Oh, okay. Richard Jefferson, fucking good basketball team. They went to the championship mind. Luke Walton. Yeah, he was there while I was there.

Oh, nice. Jason Gardner. Yeah. That was a good team. Shout out, Sleem Stodemire. That was a good team. He was Sleem went to high school with my friend. How many?

So I hung with him a couple of times. He was nice. He was fucking. And he dropped like 35 on Cal and then came and got high. That's it. You're awesome. That's a real one. The coolest moments was sports in my college careers.

My roommates told me a lot of weed. And like people would come over. Like friends of friends and shit. Yeah, yeah. And one day Selim was over there with our buddy Mike, who he knew, and we were like smoking weed. We played NCAA college basketball. Hell yeah.

Because when they did like NCAA football. That was a great game, dude. I picked Michigan State who ended up being the elite eight that year, and he picked Arizona, and all he would do was just pass to himself from the corner to 30s. And it worked. The first half he was killing me. That's so fun. That's got to feel so good to be able to select yourself in a video game in college. Yeah. And just while you're playing the games.

McDaniel, the coach of the Dolph played football at Yale. And they put all 117 teams on one of the years of NCAA. I want to say it was like O304, NCAA. But you could be the Ivy League schools. And so we would play. I remember FIFA did, I think one year FIFA did that with every team. That was huge for me because Greece. You could play in the Greek, the Olympiacos. That was my, and you could only play them champions that you couldn't do a franchise. So there was one year. So that must have been a huge, when you, when you play at Yale to be able to play yourself,

that's your boy, by the way. Yeah, it was my boy. So I would play with, I would, you know, they kind of fucked with two there. It made them like a, like a 42, 62, or like a 58. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's my boy. Yeah, but you I would be like in the my another friend of mine from high school Aaron Robbins played defensive end at Wyoming. Yeah, fuck yeah, that's pretty sick. Yeah, it's got to be cool. Oh yeah, I definitely did that with my teammates like that would that played in like

fucking at Maryland. Yeah, that was Yeah, yeah. That was awesome. Yeah. Shout out Laquan, Laquan Williams. But a couple other, I mean, I silver played. We had a couple, probably had a couple guys. Yeah, you know what's so funny? We actually talked about this when, this is how long ago this was,

you were guest hosting the Anthony Coomy a show And I was the fucking I just moved and I was like dude I was like pumped cuz we were boys cuz I was opening for Bobby Yeah, but I was like I get to do a fucking pod with soda. It's gonna be sick Yeah, and we had this is so funny how like time is a flat circle But we were in we were Anthony Coomy's fucking studio That was fun though We were in we were Anthony Goody as fucking studio. I remember that. Holy shit. That was fun though. That was really fun.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wasn't that the one where we watched the NFL commercials where they're doing like the domestic dispute and we're like, if you take out one part of this, it just looks like they're aggressive. I think so. Like, sorry, you fell down the stairs. Yeah.

Yeah. I felt really trying to do that. It didn't seem to abuse that. We had some great. That was a fucking good one, but yeah, yeah, no, I mean, Arizona, that's a different, that's a different vibe. But that's what taking all those else, I just went and did radio and stand up. Yeah. Like I went and started doing radio in KFMA and then because I was scared to do that.

There was no pussy to be got, so you were like, I was like, can I lie down there way more? Yeah. Everyone was cooler. Elders, you did some fucking college radio. Yeah, I think college. Pushy Hawk live. That was what is Surprise surprise. I was not getting much pussy University of Maryland Which they're like I mean their radio station was It was like the last terrestrial college radio station like in the area.

Yeah, ours was just on the channels of the dorms. More online, which was like no one. No, he should, you can pick it up on the phone. That's awesome. That's awesome. I did that. I did college radio and then begged my way to a job. My sophomore year on like the local rock station.

And that was like, my friends would be working out at the student rec listening to like, KFMA, and I'd be like, hey, everyone down at the Arizona rec, and they'd be like, whoa! I traded that when I first moved to New York, I worked at K-Rock, I worked at WXRK, 92-3. And like, Jay and Nate called me coming back from a gig, and they're like, hey, you say something on the radio?

That's so fun. What's up to Jay and me coming back from a gig and they're like, you say something on the radio? That's like, what's up to Jay and Nate? Coming back from a gig, and he's like, one in the morning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But radio is for this album, Pussy Hawk Hour is. Pussy Hawk Live. Pussy Hawk Hour.

And he had a great, the, the Hawks sound effect, which was a great touch. I had like, it's terrible theme song. I recorded on a Dacity on my fucking, the laptop mic. And it's like, Elders, we should bring back Pussyhog live. You should have your, we should start a whole network.

Just do one episode. No joke, dude, no joke. We should start a network and we should have Pussyhog live once a week. And you just fucking, it's the Elders Sula show. Let's do it. I'm down. Find all those old drops.

Oh, dude, are they archived anywhere? We should put them out now. I called in a couple times, dude. Did you really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you guess one time or something? I put that out now. I called in a couple times, did you really? I think so. Do you guess one time or so? I guess the one time and I called in a couple times. What do you say to a stand up? When I was 19, actually that was the era

I started doing it in college. So you're at Maryland? I was at University of Maryland, Baltimore, you NBC. Yeah, did I did a show for you? You NBC. Whoa. It was Comedy Central, me, Dermain Fowler,

and Nick Vatterott. Oh, you in like 2011 2010 or 2011? Oh, I was there. Yeah, it was in this big auditorium thing. Wow. I got so drunk. I must go liquor store before I missed you. Holy fuck. It was yeah, you NBC because I went there in Baltimore I went from I went from oh wait to 12 so I was there, bro I went from I went from 08 to 12 so I was there, bro It's very interesting. I have pictures Nick Vatterott She's sitting I didn't go to that show cuz I used to go to all the comedy I went to me and others went to Jim Gaffigan together we went to

Who else who else went there fucking I think Chris Hardwick? But like that's what's so crazy cuz it's like like, that's, that I missed it is insane, because I used to fucking go to every time a comedian would come to UMBC, I would see it, but I have no recollection of this. That's crazy. I'm looking. Yeah, what the fuck?

The retrievers, baby. But yeah, my, Oh, here it was. There's me Shang Wang and Nick Vatteron. Wow. Which hold on, cause, Let's fucking dig a,

let's fucking sneak peek. Oh, you're by the retriever. Goddamn, you look so so all of you look so young. Yeah, we're just in the green Wow, how the fuck did I miss it hilarious? Send that to us we need that we need the fucking You look so cute you look so angelic So happy. Both were my- So, the sooner as a drunk looking at that Jamison is happier than I've ever seen him in my life.

Dude, now? Do you know why I put drinking so I didn't become the old man when he grows up and he gets booze, he goes, whee. No, you would have been awesome. Taking a top off a bottle of your bridge goes. Now it's time for some of that good stuff. Well, that's the funny thing is you had to do it for yourself, but you from all accounts

were not a disruptive drunk. And from everything I know about you, you were probably just a fucking good time, but you just needed to improve your life. Oh, I was sad the next day when no one was there. That was when they... When did you start drinking? How old were you? I didn't want to drink because, you know,

my dad had died of it. So I was like one of those guys, it's like weeds from the earth. So I was a real big pothead. Then for two, you grew up in, then for when that meant some, when we meant some, you could go to Boulder and get,

that was where a chronic came in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd go to Boulder to get the weed without sticks or stems So it was in the it was in your culture you were also scared of drinking because you're dead I was like I don't want to drink my mom drank my hurt like at the time her boyfriend drinks. Well, I was like Fuck this dude. I was gonna get high and I would just get when you start getting high Regularly 15 because my one of my favorite jokes you have so many fucking bangers so do you know somehow

one of the best fucking comics watch is shit the son of a gary the special hvl so fucking good one of my favorite i mean so many of them are bangers one of my favorites is the joke about how you started smoking cigarettes so young yes twelve but you also you also played with action figures until you were 13. And then there was. There was two figures.

It's all like 15. And then there was like a years of overlap. Two, there was. What you're smoking things and playing action figures. I told that story on the long fire that I wrote that joke, but the actual, like the day that I always remember was it was summer vacation probably between seventh and eighth grade so I was at home yeah you know I could stay alone

I was like 12 and so I was home alone my mom will go to work she's gone all day I remember in the morning USA would play, yeah. And I sat on the floor with my WWF Hasbro figures in the ring, battling. Yeah. I'm just like, just battling. And then I finished your match, you know, probably have a new champ. And then I'd go on the side of my house

and I had a soft pack of marble legs. I pulled the cigarette out. And I was smoking, loving smoke. Thinking about like fuck, maybe triple H, I pulled the cigarette out. It never smoked it? Yeah. Loving smoke. Thinking about like fuck, maybe triple H, you can get the strap next. I probably think of Tataoka for the IC. Maybe we'll do like a hogan undertaker,

steel cage, I can't. I'm booking it. I'm fantasy booking it on the side of my house. And then I remember I went in the house and I got dizzy from smoking. You know when the first, the first, it's so I was like, oh, and I laid down. And I just remember laying down,

Sideras on the couch watching Dugi Hauser and then like rolling off and going right back to playing with the other guy. I was like, oh, here he comes. So, I was like, so what are you doing that? No, it's your go. Oh, yeah, yeah he comes. So, uh, so if I'm doing that, no, as you go. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the ovation. Yeah.

And then, uh, my lighters slipping out of my fucking sweat shorts. Yeah, dude, in Ireland, I fucking loved cigarettes. I still do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put some of the ten years ago, but I fucking miss cigarettes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I put it up in 10 years ago, but I fucking missed cigarettes. Yeah, yeah. I definitely let some, I mean, normans wedding, there was no way not to fucking light it up.

New Orleans, I gotta get out of there. Booze cigarettes. I never got to do it right. Stuff. Yeah, it was, I don't know if I told you. I told you, I was on mushrooms at Mark's wedding. Oh, yeah. There was a moment where me, you and Katie were just hanging out.

Yeah. And I was just like, I gotta go, guys, because I just started getting. The mushrooms were hitting me. Really? In fact, I feel, I remember feeling bad, because I was like, you guys were leaving, and I was like, peaking, and I could barely keep it together. That's crazy.

We had no idea. Also, we were so consumed with the idea of people being upset we were leaving. Right. Because we left it like, fucking 930. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because, you know, I don't drink. Your life is good.

That's the thing. You weren't chasing anything. Well, though, we like went to the hotel and watched bad TV. Dude. That's like our getting fucked up. No, no, no, that's, you have the dream. It's a bunch of comedians with huge holes to fill in their lives. We stayed out till three.

Like, you were like, I'm in a good relationship. I'm going, I'm leaving. But also, I had to fly to Nashville next day for shows. And so it was just like a thing where I was like, No, no, it was the right way. I'm going, I'm leaving. But also I had to fly to Nashville on the day for shows. And so it was just like a thing where I was like, no, no, it was the right move. I did not know at all you were there. Dude, I was, I was like, I hope I didn't embarrass myself to Dan and Katie, because I was,

was I spooking you with all those scary stories about the ghost tour? I don't even remember that. Because I don't even know where, where Mark and May were married across from it was a, a convent. And it's rumored in New Orleans in the French quarter. That's where the first vampires in America.

And I went on a ghost tour and I was like, so I was on the porch, I was like, that's the place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were like, what's up? Dude, I don't even remember that interaction. I was just, what was you doing? I was like, I think about the breaking of this convent. I just needed, I think he's about to break into this comment. I just needed, I went to that back porch,

because we were all having a dude, honestly, right before the mushroom shaked in, I was having such a good time. No, we were all hanging, we were shooting the shit. We were bossing balls, we had some super fun. It was great, I mean, a great group. And then there was just that moment, I was like, oh no. Because I didn't even forgot, and I took them.

I was, I think both Katie and I were like that was leg one in a Three-lay. Yeah, she was telling me because you had the shows in we did that so that was Thursday night Friday We I went did two shows in Nashville Saturday two shows in Nashville Sunday flew to Miami and went to the dolphins game to watch the Daniel so it was like You know by the end of oh that's an insane run Dude, when we got on that plane to go back on Jersey and Sunday night, we're like, what the fuck? No, that's crazy. So at the wedding, we were like, let's save a little bit of it.

Let's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's put some gas in the tank. That's fucking wild though. I mean, you and me, it's gotta be awesome. You're boy. Like, you and Mike McDaniel are like literally boys from like childhoods. 12 years old?

That's so sick. Yeah. And now he's a fucking NFL head coach. Yeah, he didn't smoke cigarettes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's the difference. Well, he was like loved football. Yeah, always loved football. And it was just kind of crazy.

It's kind of crazy to watch him like, it's so cool to see a friend dominate a field that you love. Totally. No, it's crazy. He loves comedy. That's that's that's that's it. So he'll call me about shit. Like, well, that's that's so crazy. It's he loves comedy. That's, that's, that's it. So he'll call me about shit. Like, well, that's, that's so funny too,

because I was just thinking that, because we love it, but it's also like, it's just our lives. So nothing feels special. And then like my brothers are like, huge comedy fans, and they're like, we'll have a conversation. I'm like, oh, this is cool.

But I'm thinking, I'm obviously being an NFL head coach. Don't get me wrong. Much more impressive than being a standup Don't I'm not even close to equating it don't get me wrong motherfuckers. You don't get warm-ups of comedy and squeal Little kid yeah little kids don't line up to hear you fucking try premises. Oh my God, dude. I got to see a riff once. But it's gotta be fucking, that's just such a fucking sick setup, dude. Well it was really cool when, you know, I'm a lifelong 49er fan, even though from Colorado because of my dad.

And when he was with the 49ers, in the off season, I would try to aim when I worked San Francisco like the punchline or whatever I would try to do it in like March or April When football when I was going around and then he would come and hang out so so that was awesome Yeah, he could like hang yeah, like we'd stay in the prep for the Rams the next day dude He's missed some of our friends weddings because it's like oh We got to play the Jaguars. Yeah. Yeah.

We're like, oh, okay. And he's like, sorry, didn't play the Jaguars. Yeah, yeah, I get it. It was crazy. It's really cool though, man. And it's like, we're recording this the week the 49ers play the dolphins. Yeah, the soda bowl.

Dude, I'm very like, boy, so can her. I wonder if I want to be happy. Would you prefer, is this the one situation you'd like it to be a tie? Oh yeah, I never thought about that. You know what I mean? That is possible now with the overtime. I've just dealt with the fact that a hot sister went her boyfriend and the brother played each other.

Like Bri, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pre-event sister, I think we know it, AJ Hawk, from Ohio State. Yes. And she was at the festival. Yes, yeah. That's exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking of her in Ohio State,

I remember that exact, I'm very hungry for watching that. I remember that. But yeah, it's like, I, I know, no matter what, I'll be sad for either the Niners or McDaniel and it'll be for the opposite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's how you're all like that. Nice. Like if the dolphins win, I'm like, ah for either the Niners or McDaniel and it'll be for the opposite. So that's how y'all look at it. Like if the Dolphins win, I'm like,

ah, fuck the Niners needed that, but good for McDaniel. Cause he's got to win that. He stays up on a win vision. Yeah. But if the Niners win and McDaniel's are like, ah shit, well, McDaniel's still in the playoff hunt. Yeah. And now the Niners are a game buffer with in the West.

Yeah, yeah. So it's all about the visions, baby. It's all about the visions. It's all about the visions. But we don't have to talk about, I don't want to talk about the Ravens cause they suck to break in the West. Yeah, yeah. So it's all about divisions, baby. So it's all about divisions. It's all about the division title. But we don't have to talk about, I don't want to talk about the Ravens because they suck to break in my heart. Although, anyway, we're not talking,

even though this will come out later, but I unfortunately don't have much, much hope in the current Ravens. We've choked too much and I don't, I don't think our offensive play calling. New coach, resign Lamar. At least you, definitely resign Lamar, pay him anything he fucking wants.

He's a fucking incredible talent. It'd be insane not to. And then at the minimum, you offensive coordinator. But I think- My buddy, Des, from Baltimore. I think you might have met him. He, he, he, he, huge Ravens fan.

And we, when McDaniel was at the 49ers, he was like, here's what's happened. At the end of last season, he's like, McDaniel was at the 49ers. He was like here's what's happened at the end of last season He's like McDaniel needs to sign one more season with the Niners you guys go win a Super Bowl Right we fire Harball, then they bring McDaniel back up Baltimore even take him with him like what he's done with two What he could do with Lamar man? I don't know, but that would just be like I'm waiting for that Yeah, if you guys if you know, I want him to stay in Miami for 30 years. I want him to be-

Be Bell Check. Yeah, I want him to be the greatest coach ever in Miami. However, if later in his career, if those go to like Philly, we're fucking Baltimore. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Katie has, Katie's always joking around. She's like, you know when Bell Check steps down,

that's pretty good job. They're out of the business. And. She's like, you know, when Bella check steps down, that's pretty good job. They're out of the business. And I'm still like, well, maybe Kyle goes to Denver. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to see Medaniel, you know, knowing Medaniel and growing him up in Colorado, I think a cool place for him to land later in his career would be Denver. Denver, yeah, because he is a Broncos.

He grew up there. Well, that's crazy. You talk to him now. I'm like, are you a Broncos fan? He's like, you're not a fan. Yeah, it's your coach. Yeah, I get that. Yeah, he's like, I don't get now and I'm like, are you a Broncos fan? He's like, did you not a fan? Yeah. Is your coach? Yeah. It's my job.

I get that. Yeah, he's like, I get that. They're an organization that we might play. Yeah, but on some level, if he goes back there, he gets to be a little bit of a fan. Craig, I mean, he can, yeah, he'll, he'll recite more than any of the people in the press. He used to read the media guy every year. That's so fucking awesome. He's a ballboy for him.

Yeah. Damn. Dude, he's got a really great story. And I don't know if it's It's not really I don't want to say like it's mind to tell sure to me the story But I don't know if it's exactly what happened, but the way he told it to me was he was a ballboy 1998 out so the Broncos beat the Packers the year before 98. They're like Incredible to all Davis has like 2000 yards rushing. John L. Ways. Remember that. Yeah. So the A.

is the championship given that year is the Jets with Vinnie Testiverty at Denver former Baltimore Ravenscrew to back as well. Which my dad's half brother took me to that game. And I'm like a nine or family. I was like, this is awesome. Yeah. Of course. It's like might be always last game. I wish it was. Yeah. And Broncos are down at halftime and McDaniel's job was like towel. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pick up towels or whatever and he told me this story that he said like everyone went on the field except L.A. Who took a big they have like fountain sodas and put ice in it and filled it with Mr. Pib

and chug Mr. Pib and then went out, it's won the air situation. Came back and won it. I was like, dude, that's such a cool story. Respect it. But McDaniel would like, I think what helped him get to the NFL was he was around that is like 13,

we were like 14, 13, 14. And you're fucking smoking cigarettes, making Billy Gunn the Intercontinental Champion You're making the road dog and him fight What a story one of my like cuz me and McDaniel hung out with this group of kids that were like, you know They were bad. Of course, come on. But they were like friends, but they were like, they just would do, they were cool. Of course, of course. They were the ones who wrote, they were doing a little crime.

They were doing a little crime. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, one of them knew I played with action figures, and the little too late. They were walking through my house. You don't want him to have that kind of ammo. Dude, he grabbed the basket of action figures and pulled it at dumped in front of all my friends. Oh, brutal. I did use Dimmie Dirty.

And you're 14. 13. 13, yeah, yeah. So it really hurt. Yeah, no, that fucking, that's tough. But what else, what else, like, what was the vibes over there with that crew? When you're like, little cigarette smoking Danny me we were pussy Honestly, I've gotten like over the years kind of stayed in loose touch like Mitch and Nick will come to shows when I'm at like comedy works But they were like cool. They were like fingering girls. Yeah I was I was ripping butts and then going home and being like,

well, no one said that Ninja Turtles couldn't wrestle. That's like, that's like, that's like, who's the real, I can't get a real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real real But I was just like being raised by mom. We stayed different dudes. We really, yeah, that's what we're gonna listen. Part two, we gotta get into the fucking, we gotta answer some questions. But I thought we were for sure gonna talk about

just all the step dads coming in and out, all the boyfriends. Yeah man, it's mostly good. But the bad ones, we are like, damn, dude, this guy lives with us. Yeah. Yeah. And like, you know, when you're little, you don't realize,

like, what's yours and what's theirs? Right, right. So when a dude's living with you, you're like, yeah. What? Yeah. Did you eat my cereal? Dude, I would piss me off so much. Dude, it was other things were there,

but like, take the glass I like. No, dude. Well, I'm like, this much, what do you do? Dude, with the trunk, that's the Batman limited edition Mr. Freeze Cup. Yeah, you touched those. You're getting Lorraine a bobbin. I'm fucking, I'm grabbing your cock and the slice of the bobbin.

Don't you touch my Batman glasses? Christine from the Bonfire, she just got me the Welch's dinosaur ones. Oh, so now Katie and I have them at the crib. That's awesome. Yeah, I got a got a loony tunes mug that was like, I mean, my parents were together hilariously, but if there was ever a guy tried to fucking tried to come in and take that. My 49ers rocks glass and one time one of our boyfriend's

used it and I was like, this motherfucker. I think I even gave the kill order on Monday. I was like, hey, Randy was a real liberal with those glasses. Randy asked to touch my privates. So, why did Randy kiss me on my belly when I told him I knew Manny? Why did Randy kiss me during our karate lessons? Mom, mom, I don't like that Randy gives me shirtless hugs. And he told me if I told anyone that we can't do this anyway. lessons mom mom I don't like that Randy gives me shirtless hugs

And he told me if I told anyone that we can't do this anyway He's begging up a stuff. You're just fucking drinking a fucking Coca-Cola out of the glass. I go Randy One for the road It's a shame you have to go. The worst, the saddest, the saddest, funniest one. Yes. It was my dad's ex-best friend, my godfather. Fucked my mom, three years, they dated. And he was, he was, he was,

he didn't know how to be around teams. Of course, I hated him when I was younger, but now I'm older. That's also such a weird move. Your best friend, for sure. Powerful, too. Yeah. That's some like weird move. Your best friend's fucking, yeah. That's some like medieval shit. Dude, I call it settler law.

Yeah. It's settler. That's what I call it on stage. I was like, this is what my fuckers live in settler law. But I hated them. And they got big enough, I hit my gross spurt when I was like 16. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like lifting weights, playing football.

So I got big. I wanted to fight him. Yeah. The second I got big enough, he took off. Wow. But he moved in with my mom's best friend that he ended up marrying. What the fuck is up with this guy?

Boy, it was wild. It's crazy. He left, he moved out the day my I found out my sister got killed like I found out that morning as he was moving out so I was I was like devastated yeah what the fuck I just remember him holding a box and being like sorry about Michelle oh my god yeah just go Brueil tough stuff Marrying the best friends. What a fucking lunatic. Yeah, they're still together though

Yeah, I guess it worked out for the end. Yeah, it was just hop He just tried to fuck every woman he had met until one stuck dude man him moving in under the guise of our roommate And then sorry dating my mom and then The power shift where I was I was I was a bad kid like when I was 13. I was like failing Eighth your acting out your life is smoking cigarettes. I was but I was still nice kid. No, you weren't bad You were just like acting out. I was acting out and they were like This piece of shit military school. I got threatened to be helped out. Wow, you had to go to military school? No, no, it was the rent table.

You know, the cataloged on the fucking kitchen table. AJ Soprano, take you to the meetup. And then for real, like that kind of shit, where she's like, my friend Scott ended up having a repeat eighth grade and our moms were like, in on it together. One of them's like, he'll repeat too. Was it? But you ain't repeat eighth grade and our moms were like in on it together. One of them was like, he'll repeat too. I was like, my chain repeat is right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it was cause it, like they, you just talked shit, but I stayed at a big Daniel's house every weekend. Yeah. Cause his parents were cool. And I was going to his house and we'd watch SNL. He had Sega Channel. You had Sega Channel.

I fucking had Sega Channel. And I go over to Elvis. I go over to Elvis. I know, and Noah knows what the fuck I'm talking about crazy You would play any video it was Netflix videos in 1990 fucking three 94 It was like yeah 96 96 97 because we were like eight or nine Yeah, you know what it was you know it was 96 you know why I know that cuz the 96 Atlanta games was a game That you could play on the second channel and you could fucking

Yeah, with a stranger. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, me and eldest were in there playing second channel with his fucking grandma napping on the cot And they show 95 mix too much Guys, dude his grandma was awesome because like she couldn't like when we say like foreigners don't speak English Yeah, usually it's like they speak it get boss. He's grandma. We'd be like eldest his grandma's right there Eldest is there. I'm here. I'm like hey eldest. Do you want to come suck my balls and shit in my mouth and his grandma would be like Smiling at us. It was awesome to go to a different country that kids are just playing pranks on you. Do you like dog dick? She had to fight to get out. And she's like serving you a pastry and like kissing you on the cheeks. She's the only thing that reminds me of whole

Hey Nana. It wasn't even like, brang, I felt like I was just like doing a cool trick or something. Yeah, it was like a magic trick He's right there. Yeah every the first time I You first watch this stuff I remember your brother so I was over a few years ago and I was like, you know You never really learned any Never it was crazy and I was just like, just like, this is saying ridiculous shit. And he was like, what the fuck?

Thanks to the other crazy. He was crazy. I had friends like that where they talk to liberally around like their kids or whatever. You're like, yo, you're crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, that's not true. But she was the best, dude.

All right, Peter, the old girl. All right, Peter. But anyway, this is, look, we got, you've clearly made your bone a feed. These motherfuckers know you got some fucking You've lived the life Danny. You're ready to give these motherfuckers some advice That's why I grew a beard cuz I'm see you look wise now, dude. Honestly, I like the look it looks awesome I'm excited to shave it in the different things because I think it's for the last you know

For this season of billions by the end of the season they want me to be clean shaving again You know, so you can go a little bit. A little bit at a time. Piece by piece. Yeah. That's too much. I might like you in a mustache. It's like, are you gonna like me in a Fumai and Choo?

Fumai and Choo's the power of me. I might have a whole coke at a dinner, but I believe it's your birthday, brother. All right, so now we got wise ass soda in the mix. Let's answer some of these motherfuckers questions. And as always, 904 800 stov. If you have to go at any point, let me know too. I got like.

What do you got? How far off of a walk are you to the train? We're pretty close. I also get you on a ooops baby. Dark. You know, you know, you know. I also let me for the nostalgia. You're right, right?

Walked a Dunkin' on 30 after that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should be the player. You still be. Are you kidding me, you still y'all? I can't stop you all. Go watch Die Hard With Evidence. Let's answer a couple of fucking questions before Danny

has to go get himself a coolata. Uh. Uh. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Hit us with the first one, eldest. I need some help. Wow. Fucking dumbass hurry up. Dude.

I really need some help. I am only thinking about somebody else wanting another person. I can't stop. And I know what to do and I believe in polyamory I think I might just be liking to people at once. The other person's polyamory is but my boyfriend is not. Your boyfriend? I could have done it. Yeah, I Bitch is fucking putting their number on here. There's also my boyfriend's gonna see this number you call him back and get pretty pissed

Very against polyamory Yes, I've used to hit her up. I might be should I have been dating a lot of girls in open relationships. It's pretty nice. It's like, it's good. My old, I feel like I'm an old man now because I feel like, I know he's not engaged, so obviously I'm a monogamy kind of guy. Of course, but I feel like it's always women that are just half in relationships. Yeah, there's a little bit of that, but there's also like, I do, here's how I view it, right? It's just some shit where it's like, we're kind of just

codifying what it's like to date around anyway, right? It's like, let's all be adults about this. But I think our parents... You got a main, and then you'll fuck around until you're ready to settle down. That's how I see it. Other people don't see it that way, other people want to live in this forever. You know what it feels like?

Is when weed was really illegal and you had all those groups that would try to act like, oh, but it's actually spiritual and medical. And it's like, you just wanna get high. Right, right. You're not a fuck other person. I agree fully. Okay, admit it.

You're saying is what our parents generation did. Where they'd be like, like that's like the whole thing of like fucking a stripper at a bachelor party. Yeah, and why? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No way, dude. I wouldn't fuck a stripper.

And there's Mary Keese. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And be like. Right. I know there's other guys that wanna be pieces of shit and be like, oh, you're not a dude, but I'm like, no. No, I'm good to go. 100% but I think like, I understand what you're saying. Where you want to say like, I don't, oh, you're not a dude, but I'm like, no. No, I'm a good deal 100%. But I think like, I understand what you're saying.

Where is you wanting to say like, I don't date you, I don't date you, but then if one grabs you, that's how I do it. I have a long-term relationship. Yeah. Well then it's like, And that's the thing for me,

it's like if they're in a main relationship, like I personally don't have time for like a real deal relationship right now. And if these girls have it set up with her, their boyfriends, but they're like, yeah, you can fuck somebody Well, you know, I'm like great and I'm talking dudes who love watching their lady get banged

We're sex positive What's obvious? Do you have your lady get torn up by a fucking personal trainer at planet fitness? But be honest with what it is. Right, stop doing this thing where it's like, oh, it's polyamory. But did you tell in a funny story about these porn stars that were in a throttle or whatever?

But he said the problem with them was their reaction to people being like, whoa, it's totally normal. It's like, no, it's not. But it's okay. It's gonna be cool about it it you know what I mean? no I'm with you and I think for some people it's like like I'm not there I've I'm trying to I'm trying to do some material on it too where it's like I like fucking somebody else's girlfriend but I don't want someone to fuck my girl

like that so so I'm okay with if that's if those are your rules great and It's fun to be the pool boy Confused husband that's getting duped over like in these browser scenes, but some people Yeah, I was like what do you mean someone's on this door fucking you? But I will say some people is just like they're also like hey look you really matter to me like we there's you're just like I get it, some people have explained it, there's a connection. There's a connection. And guess what?

And the way they explain it is like, look, you're gonna be jealous, but you're jealous in every relationship. And if you just admit that like, it's not the biggest deal in the world to you, and it's like, we're both fucking other people. It's also, you know. This guy she's talking to, that she actually likes.

Right, I think she might be. Well, yes, to get back to this girl's question. I think she might be over her boyfriend. And I think she just likes this other guy. But the warning to her is, I say maybe go for that, but be warned. You get got with the way that you were got. Absolutely. So like if he's like, I'm Paulianne or his baby.

Yeah, yeah. Because when you're getting on a guy's girlfriend, you're playing with house money. Yeah. You're like, that's a hundred percent. A hundred percent. You're getting on a guy's girlfriend, you're playing with house money. Yeah. You're like, that's a hundred percent. That's a hundred percent. You're doing this in fuck you every night and every morning. And also you're doing whatever it takes. Go be in a three and a half year relationship

and fuck every morning and every night. But that's another part where it's like, that's what I'm trying, that's another bit I'm trying to work on where it's like, I don't want to, I don't want to get in my girlfriend because I know how much I look forward to fucking their girlfriend. It's once a month.

I'm giving a fucking prime dick. I'm thinking about it. I don't see her every fucking day. It's job interview versus the guy who's about to retire. Who do you think cares more? He goes, yeah, I mean, I refill the coffee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's my desk tidy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the guy that comes in once a month and he's like, I have got plans for this place. Right, right. Brother, I'm gonna, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Is I'm just telling her so eldest I'm sorry. I don't I couldn't hear in the very beginning She is dating someone else. Yeah, she's thinking about someone else, but she hasn't fucked them right I think she's just talking to them. I think so but yeah, she believes in polyamory But her boyfriend doesn't show the guy that she's right I'm sure the guy who you're starting who doesn't just believe in getting his dick sucked by her. Yeah getting his dick sucked by her. Yeah. Like, he's like, he's like,

yeah, you have polyamorous beef fucking here. Yeah. Probably pretty polyamorous. And then if I guarantee if they locked up, if they locked horns and stayed in a long term thing for over 18 months, he would not be cool with her getting fucked by other dudes. Cause like right now, he's absolutely playing that.

But he could listen. Or he could be, I could be wrong. But that's the thing, that is a low percentage. If we're working the percentages, that is a very low percentage, what you're saying, like actual people that are called it. Actual being cool, this is your percentage. No, it's your self you have to be with,

to watch a dude, that's why it's always old rich man, who are like, young man, bang my life. Well, what it all, yeah, it's like, if it's just, if it's a level playing field and you're a regular guy and you're getting a hot woman, forget about it. You gotta be a by man who can pad his stats by sucking cock or you gotta just be like rich, older, famous, right?

Like, the only reason I would even consider it is because like when you have any kind of like, like people know you at all, it's like working really hard and having a career where you're well known, is the same as being like an eight as a Vanny woman. Like, and it's even, it's still harder, but it's like, I could just be a global sensation.

I don't know what a woman at that. Like a nine woman walker. Pete Davidson is living an insane life for a man. Right. He's living the same life as a nine. But there are, but there is a waitress at Chili's who is fucked Bradley Cooper or not like at Nobu. Yeah. There's a, there's a girl in Los Asia. What Trump said. Yeah. It's remember when they got had that audio at Trump, he's like, you fucked away, Jesus. Yeah, but she's sad about it now. It's like watching, it's like watching, like, Billy Idol get old. Oh yeah, where he's like,

yeah. Oh, Maribu. Yeah, yeah. Oh man, dude. No, it feels like Patrick Ewing on the Raptors. Or I'm sorry, the magic, the magic. Oh, you're so good. Like, he's on the Raptors.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like if he lose to Ron DeSantis, he really doesn't have the juice anymore. And obviously we're just talking about him being funny, not being a good politician. He's a fucking piece of shit, but he is a fucking piece of shit. Apathy is the only way. Except Bernie Sanders, we're pro Bernie Sanders. He's the only good one.

Just try and get pussy. No, no, no. Don't come over here with your fucking all-poll- All-lives-matter politician shit. Stop trying to get free muff right now I'll really you know you're real boss bitch you know I'm not a Kamala fan I'm not a Democrat fan I'm a fucking Bernie Sanders fan you know who Bernie you know who fucking stop really

loves everyone Susan Collins. He likes the one politician that either side does. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck Joe for intervening in the railroad strike by the way and that's Stavis politics corner. But yeah, this girl just what you need to know is yeah, I think what you were saying at first is very possible. You just either you're just know is yeah, I think what you were saying at first is very possible

You just either you're just not that into your boyfriend anymore and that might just be it and this guy You know how did you even start he might just be you're you are getting his best effort right now Will that continue? You see in you're seeing showroom You see the one that they come and clean first thing in the morning So keep that fucking back of the warehouse. I think we still got it. All right. Let me check. Let me check in the back Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, really, it's kind of straightforward. You don't, I really think you don't let someone like this into your life into this amount, into this deep at already, if you totally love your boyfriend.

And maybe you do it, maybe you fucked up, and this makes you realize you do, but the fact that you're even like thinking about polyamory, thinking about ways around it, take a look, do you really, do you really wanna be in a relationship with your boyfriend? If the answer is yes, this guy's gotta go, if the answer is no, maybe you give this Take a look, do you really, do you really want to be in a relationship with your boyfriend? If the answer is yes, this guy's got to go. If the answer is no, maybe you give this guy a run, but think about him the way you would think about any new relationship.

Let's get another one going, Eldonce. Let's do another one. Remember, the number is 904-800- Stop. What a fucking pro. That's when you get a fucking radio pro on the fucking phone. Yeah, give on the fucking Standing-o Hey, Stabby So my question I came to my hometown to Thanksgiving. I was on the West Coast from the Midwest St. Louis And I ended up going on a date with a friend of a friend that kind of got facilitated randomly We had a great timeoking up and sleeping together and Gorgeous and we seem to really get along and be into each other, but you know, she lives in my hometown

I was very far away on the west coast she also has a kid. I don't have any children. I'm 29 And I just don't know is something that I should kind of pursue or do I just let it be a standalone. This man is living through a life. There's something random so if you could help me out in any ways and good luck, get in school. Next time. Of course.

This man is living through a fucking lifetime Thanksgiving movie. Which is, ever since your husband fell down in that pine tree cutting work. Yeah, it's like, those are your options, man. Either live a fucking lifetime movie and move back to your hometown. After a single mother teaches you the meaning of love, you slow down. This also, by the way, the pussy must have been top notch for him to even be calling in. This woman has a kid and lives in my hometown. Should I make it work? Imagine.

I gotta go back to the place I grew up and fight all my old demons. Plus this half a lady, this lady's half product, with a dad you got to deal with the dad I would always as the son of a single mom, right? You're perfect. Give us the child's perspective. I would always say Scout the X the baby's daddy Because if he's chaotic You're he's gonna fuck your relationship with this woman up It's gonna he's gonna His kid is probably fucked up. His kid's gonna be pinned against you.

Yup. You're gonna be, that's an, I'm telling you right now, you're going in a, an uphill battle. Right. But if you do have a great connection, if the guck is tremendous, I mean, if the guck is,

let's be honest, what connection? He went on one day and got sucked off once. I mean, it's the guckiest. Let's be honest, what connection? He went on one day and got sucked off once. So she's got to be thrown it back like you wouldn't believe. You got that Oregon trail neck. You're having a... She's sucking you off at a strenuous pace. You're going to have to do a reverse Lewis and Clark. And we're going to go back to you.

But you... I mean, do 29's a young stepdad. But it's also more in that range. It's not that young. You're right. You know, we got comedy brain, dude. Cause I remember the first, I went back and I visited my brother a couple of years ago and in my head, you know, it's all comedy.

All our friends, we stay out forever. Everyone fucking, you have friends that are 20 you have friends that are 50 you have you know So it's like and then you go back and I look at my little brother and it's like all his friends were married He's engaged. He's running a business. I'm like, oh This is what I should be doing. Yeah, so he's not that he's that off here But it is a matter of like yeah Do you want to hold on to your youth a little longer? Because you're in that range. Or you could a little bit. Or do you want to make it work with this woman? And it's like, it's also Midwest. He's on the West Coast. I was

on the West Coast from the Midwest and I'm going on a date. Yeah. You're not that far. There's no like East Coast West Coast. It's Midwest. And it's your hometown, which is like it gives you an excuse to visit if you want to. I would say having said that. Go ahead. My thing is see where it goes. Keep talking to her.

Put it as a maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but at the same time, you can't let it drag forever. Because you also don't want, uh, uh, uh, you don't want to like just kind of lead this woman on. Yeah. Trying to get her. She's

She's not maybe she just she's like, hey, I'm a single mom I'm a single dick on the side most single moms. I remember DeVito was telling me like he just never He just never like you like if his mom was ever hooked up because she just kept it discrete I mean, dude, and it's like that. I wish the discreet. I mean, dude. And it's like that. Maybe that. Maybe that's what this guy, maybe this mom just wants to get her pussy knocked loose every couple, every couple weeks. You know, maybe she takes a trip over to you. You be a thing where, you know, her sister watches the kid. She comes out to the West cold. Yeah, she lets her hair down. Where's the bikini?

Pretends that her son finds in seven years. That makes her resent her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, her happiness her happiness photo album that you're not in. So I would say go to a stepdad combine, but it's not draft yet. Right. And see your skills. And here's the thing. My knee jerk reaction is no, this is fucking insane. Like honestly, if it were me and it's like,

but also I'm more afraid of intimacy than this guy, it sounds like. I mean, this is the girl in 32, who had a kid. I'm 32, I go back home to Baltimore. I hook up with the girl, she's gorgeous. She has a kid. I'm just like, I can't, personally, I can't. But if you're ready, who knows?

I wonder if this guy, it's like, you know, okay, put in some years in the West Coast, who went all right, but just missing St. Louis, that happens. That's a creature comes from. Who can start cash and get a nice place in the Midwest? Yeah.

It happens a lot in New York. People say it's maybe. People do their decade in New York and then move back home. Yeah, pussy's. Yeah. Maybe. So those are your two paths, buddy.

Hold on, cling onto your youth and give it a run or building you life in the West Coast. Or if you're feeling like, if home is calling you back, why gild is the same, here's your option. So I wouldn't do it, but I'm afraid of intimacy and I'm working on it. Me too.

We'll go us, try to break through. Yeah, you're breaking through, buddy. I'm proud of you. I gotta get outta here. I gotta go all far. That's what. That's gonna fucking do it, folks. Sorry, we didn't do enough questions. Yeah, you're breaking through buddy. I'm proud of you. I gotta get out of here. All right. No sweat. No sweat That's gonna fucking do it folks. Sorry. We didn't do enough questions that me and we we come back Well, but Dan's gonna be back and also we had such a good time just yeah, just fucking around We could I think we basically did

So thank you so much for coming Dan. I appreciate anything you want these motherfuckers to hear about to see dance order calm See the boy live. He's so fucking funny. Hit the road hard starting February of 2023. Love it. This will probably come out either late December or January. Perfect. So dance order.com. Make sure you go there for live shows and if you have HBO Max streamed son of a Gary. Incredible special. One of the best comedians in the fucking world I love this guy you you probably already do, but if you don't go check all his shit out Thank you guys so much call 904 800 stop will get to your questions again next week We love you guys bye bye

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around.

The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.

Airbnb.