Stavvy's World - Ian Lara

Episode Date: January 2, 2023

Comedian Ian Lara joins the podcast to talk about immigrant family vacations, what fame means for him in the DR versus the US, and being driven to circumcision out of self-consciousness in the locker room. Ian and Stav help callers including a guy whose buddy is being kept from a bros’ trip by his girlfriend, and a woman grappling with the ethics of being a landlord.Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Oh, welcome everybody to fucking Stavis world. We're here, my boy Ian Lara. Of course, we are gonna answer your questions. That's coming up later in the show. If you want your fucking questions in here, the number is, what was it, eldest, 904 Stav? 904 800 Stav, super producer eldest. He's gonna try not to fuck anything up this week.

I'm gonna try my to fuck anything up this week Oh No, no one's clapping for your biches no line of the people So we are gonna fucking get into some questions and we're gonna have your expertise with these motherfuckers, but yeah Let's just shop it up. Just good to see you We're grueling grease right now. This is straight. We are in Athens right now This is straight from Stavvy baby studios at the top of the Acropolis Yeah, you like it. You see so many Instagram photos Dude it fucking rocks you ever been a Greece no no

It's one of the places don't be black dude. It's like People talk about like going on vacation and shit or they ask you like where to go and it's like every I've taken whatever 10 vacations nine of them have been in Greece because it's like why the fuck would I go anywhere? One is a good time in the summer. Summer's good but also October bro because like you think you think it's gonna be like fall is gonna be cold. The water is still warm and like the tourists are gone so like early October is a

great time. You don't want to go in May You don't wanna go before the summer because the water's still cold. The way that shit works. What is it? The Mediterranean? Mediterranean. Yeah, I did the Mediterranean.

I went to Israel. Okay. Yeah, and I want to surf in it in a minute. But in Israel it's really, yeah. Oh, shit. That's pretty cool. I gotta go to Greece. I'm gonna go next year.

Yeah, no, it's fucking rocks, dude. But we got you here. You got a new special out romantic comedy on HBO Max Yes, sir, it's fucking hilarious. Thank you, brother. I just figured let's tell let's get these motherfuckers Let's get in on here. Let's get some of these fucking pieces of shit to watch my boys special We go way back from the fucking like when I first moved to New York We're doing like we're just doing all the same shitty rooms, the fucking standing room, the standing room. Elders, you ever go there?

The standing room, you ever see a show there? It was a club, it was a club, and it was, you know, honestly, it did suck, but it was like so important for my development. It's all we had, it's all we had. Because we weren't getting like, we were past at the stand, and we weren't getting spots there.

And then it was one room at that time. There was always a stand. the old stand, the small, which is great, a great place. And then, and the standing room was a hallway that they put two tables in. And they called it a fucking comedy club. It was fucking like, dude, you couldn't out this. There was no like, if you were staring straight,

you were looking at a wall. You had to be like, the distance works from like this wall This is a deeper room. This is deeper room. There was a carpet. Yeah It was fucking hilarious. Dude. It was like a hallway. We were doing calm and you would look this way and you would look that way And that was like the whole center because it's the wall and and it's like you could tell how you were doing to each person Like there was no crowd you had no had no, the lights on the stage like illuminated the entire room. You saw everyone's face,

you could- Just by like eliminated the whole client. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a waitress running it out, didn't give a fuck at all. No. For every one who worked there, the staff there, they were cool, but they had no idea of how like-

I mean, if the club did it, it would be like, we're not gonna care. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But every once in a while like every room you would have some hot shows there. You would. Every once in a while it would be packed out and you'd kill. And for sure, I mean thank God for that place because at the beginning, they were all in one place.

They were all in one place. Oh, when I lived in this apartment, I have a stopby baby studio at the top of the Acropolis. But this apartment, right, I used to look, when you met me and we were doing those shows, I lived in like a fucking eight by eight windowless fake room in the fucking living room. Oh yeah. That's funny, because I always remember you being successful. That's hilarious. I always remember you being, like I was like opening for Bobby,

and I was on the road with Tom Papa. And I was like, it's like at each level, what we think of as success. Yeah, it has to shift. But it was just like, I was working on the road a lot, like a lot at that time. But that's all I had. I had those road dates and then we had the fucking standing room. And you had the podcast. The podcast was just start. We started. It was like, we kind of made money probably like a year into it. Yeah. It's I went on the road, I had this writing job too. I never really was broke broke because my rent was so low

and I had the shitty writing job. And then when I got fired from that, I went on the road with Bobby for like a month. And when I came back, the show just was like making money. And I was like, fuck, I gotta go get a job. And then we were like, wait. Yeah. What the fuck's going on?

Yeah, I remember you were like, one of the first dudes in the world. Yeah, I was like making a living. Yeah, and then the worst part of the spread, like, did you get on my stop? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, the people were fucking pissed. Yeah, it was like, like, stop.

Yeah. Yeah, because at that point in comedy, everyone thinks they should be the famous one. Yeah. Because none of us had anything, you know? No, no. And by the way, most of those people are dog shit at comedy. Like the people we were on, just like like,

like that's why it's nice, because it's like you were there. Who the fuck else? We had some good motherfuckers in there. It's tough to fucking say. Try to think, when we, Oh yeah, PD was there, PD was there, he was fucking there.

Jordan Fisher, was there. Jordan, yep, yep, yeah. Monroe and and Derek they were a little ahead of us, but that's why it's nice But it's nice now cuz like you got the fucking special and it's nice to just because you got the special on HBO And it was just cuz you're funny. There was no like you know the podcast pop that got lucky with that shit and then like YouTube and Tiktok all that shit's going well But a lot of people getting specials now, off of like, just social media, not comedy. And it's nice to see that I have both sides. Yeah, well, because yeah, your social media is dog shit. God, God, the man can't post folks.

Garbage social media. No, yeah, for sure. The Minotids can't really wrap their heads around social media. You know, you see how it works. I'm doing newspaper ads. I took on a page in the daily news when they came out. Got no hits. Oh yeah.

No, it's good. It's like cool being from the crop and like I always like you're one of those guys and I think I'd like to think I'm one of those guys that like when you think of like our us they're like all right well they're comedians that do well. Yes. Yes. Yes, yes. Generally speaking, right? Well, that's the thing, the special is so fucking funny. And it's just like good fucking joke.

So go watch the fucking special. Thank you, man. And I like the two, because it's very, I mean, it is very personal. That's another thing. It's like, there are also joke writers, because you're, you know, you install a lot of fucking, you've never seen a show with Ian, have you, Eldis?

No. No one has. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He might, he would come to a lot of my shows. You've never seen a show with Ian, have you, Eldis? No. No one has. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He would come to a lot of my shows. Me and him go back to when we were literally in kindergarten. So he's come to a bunch of the shows. But it's like, you know, your shit is like for the audience,

a lot of just good jokes. Set up punch jokes. Yeah. And like, I try. And there's, you can get a narrative within that. But like, sometimes it's hard, a lot of good joke writers, you don't really get a sense of who they are. So that's it.

So what I really liked about the special is that it's pretty personal, you know? And there's some stuff that you have a lot of great bits, but it's like a lot of it you do, you fucking figure out who the person is behind the set up punchline jokes. Well, I try to be that, I try to be that because especially like the one thing, like in a lot of times in this business,

you know, like the black comics get categorized as like, having all the charisma in the world. So they could just go up there, with nothing, and absolutely nothing. Off this career song. Right. And then you'll never kill as hard as that. And then some of the white comics are known as being

like really great joke writers. And which is hilarious, it's like even in comedy, it's racist, the way they talk about sports. So it's like, well, let's charisma, let's athleticism. And intelligence is joke writing. You know what I mean? It's like fucking, it's like, you know, black people are capable of writing jokes.

You know what I have? I always wanted to be like a good joke writer. Right, right. I always wanted to be like a good joke writer. But then like a lot of people, like a lot of like my friends or like people from like the, the realm that I come from, they don't care about good jokes.

No, they don't care. Like, which is good though, because you get both skills. Like that's what I like coming up is like, getting Baltimore It was just like yeah, you would do like these little alt rooms whatever and then it's like I would go do black shows And it's like I'm bombing material And then I just like the host was dark skin and I just made fun of him for that

You're right. You're right, we can't tell the difference between his black polo and his elbows. You know, that goes on. So I always try to like, I always try to even, even when I'm writing, like I always try to kind of live in the same middle thing where I'm like, I want to write a good joke, but I want it to be personable and I still don't want it to be alive

through me and not just be like letters written in a notebook that could be recited by like anyone. Of course, that shit is so important. And what I like, and like, and this show is about also just kind of like getting to like, you know, we're supposed to, we're solving mother fuckers problems, we're getting into like, what everybody was into.

And I loved watching the special and being like, and just like seeing, just relating to so much shit from like the immigrant perspective too. Because I love the whole, that stuff. Oh, thank you, man. Yeah. So you grew up here, you grew up in New York. Yeah, I was born and raised in New York.

And like your whole family's the minikin'. Yeah, yeah. Why's it going on vacation? Dude, that joke is, Elders, you love that fucking joke. Where it's like, the punch line, I don't wanna ruin your joke, if you wanna say, where it's like, it's, immigrants treat going on vacation, like it's the scared straight program. to say where it's like, it's an immigrant's treat going on vacation.

Like it's the scared straight program. There's like, this could be you mother, like, it's not relaxing at all. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. That was the, I remember that was like a thought that I had during the pandemic. But you remember like, then you weren't getting on stage. So it was like hard to develop. So I had to, I had the idea. And then I remember I sat down and I was looking at old ideas

and I was like, yeah, let me touch this again and I went down the whole thing about like how I had to learn to go on vacation as a good older, like it's supposed to relax and enjoy it. Yeah, all this Albanian, I'm from Greece. Okay. And it's like my family would take me to fucking, we would go on vacation and we're from Greece. It's the best. Yeah.

That's one, it's a good immigrant to be, because it's like, even if you're poor, it's like you're poor on the nicest island. But my family's from Athens, and we would just go, and we would just be in the city, and it would just be like me eating fucking like mushy pasta with my grandma, and it's like, and my grandparents know AC, both hoarders, both like, both are just like, you know.

Same, same, same, I mean, I'm gonna just have a minute to come and both are just like, you know, same. Same. I mean, I'm in the Republic. Beautiful island in the Caribbean. Beautiful. And don't get me wrong. We would go like, we would go to a resort for a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But most of it, it was like, why?

That's exactly it. We would go to the nice place for a week. Yeah. And then we're just living in a shittier city. We're out from Baltimore, by the way. This is shittier than Baltimore. Then it was like, we would go. Yeah.

It's like there's no AC. We would just watch like old American sitcoms with Greek sub-discs. Why are you making me live like this, dude? Same thing. Same thing. I'm glad I was able to find like a humor in that. Sometimes I feel like comedians have stuff about like they'll talk about immigrant stuff,

but it's like very specific. So I tried to keep my stuff like it don't matter where you from. It's like an experience that you kind of all felt. Which is, I'm glad that it relates to like- Did your mother fuckers have, no, you couldn't flush toilet paper? Dude, you would have to, there was our apartment, there was a bucket that you had to flush the toilet with. It's the worst thing.

There was no shower, you could say to just, the wild shower, and then we would do this. You could say it's the wild shower. And then we would do this. I don't know if you do this. The normal conditions compared to ours here in New York, in the United States, was horrible. We don't live like that. We have electricity. We have things.

And they would have electricity, but they would leave. But then you would stay there for a little while, and my family is at place. And then they would pick a day where they'll take you to something worse than that. To make you be like, this is luxury. Yeah. They'll lower all your things and then take you to a worse thing. Yeah, yeah. What?

I don't know who got worse. My mom's, like my grandma's village, this shit was just like, it really was nothing. It was like a village on a top, you was like, there's no cars, you have to walk the circle of a fucking mountain. They have like, it's one, and it's like, I don't know if the DR is the same way,

I assume it is, mattress technology in Greece is like, as 40 years ago, it's like insane, dude. Like Mike Cuss and I went to stay with him this year. Like this year, he had been, he's a 38 year old man who just Got rid of the twin mattress. He slept on his entire childhood and he bought himself a full and that and he was like I say at all dude. No, I'm not getting he was like I saved up and bought this Like he has like he was buying a car. He bought a full, not a queen, a full mattress.

And the room that he had set up for me to sleep in was his, he used to live with his parents, but they now lived downstairs, right? Because like the way Greek people have it is like every member of the family has like, they built, like in the 40s, there was one little house and then everyone just built. That's 100% and that's a good thing. And and so every every cousin gets it was just a first law yeah and then the their kid they built another level and their kid move exactly and so

he used to live with his parents into his into his like 34 yeah and then they because they got tired of moving going up the stairs moved to the first floor which was like the guest which is where were our family when we would go, they say, but we don't go anymore. So they're like, we're just gonna move down there. And so his parents old bedroom, which he had was his gym, and it was like two rusty ass barbells, a yoga mat.

And then he put his twin mattress that he had just gotten rid of. He put it straight on the floor. And he was like, here you go, man, I've got, I've got your fucking, here's where you're staying. And I was like, hey man, I think I'm gonna get out there. He was like, no dude, I got a guest bedroom set up for you. What's offensive for you?

It's offensive for you. No, I know, and so he was like, and so I was like, all right, he said he sent my shit up. That's what I was, that's what I walked into on just a twin mattress that had been slept on for 28 years probably. He went from a crib to that mattress, got rid of it six months prior, put it on tiled floor and was like, here you go.

Did you say that? I stayed there and no bullshit, it was two months until like my back was fixed. Yeah, because I went straight from that to going on the road. You fucking American back is not used to that. I'm sad. I'm sad. Exactly. Yeah, that to going on the road. You fucking American back is not used to that. I'm just gonna start to look back. Exactly, they don't know the support. They don't know the support I need after having the American diet.

I am fucking, like there are no people as fat as me in Greece. Except my uncle who's fat, who's truly fat as shit. Now, are you known in Greece? Like, do I know what you mean? No, dude, I'm getting worried that it's gonna start happening. My family doesn't know how good things are going for me. Oh, really? So I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, understand. Well, people get weird, because like I,

like I did, I went into, when I went to the Dominican Republic last time, I did like press and stuff over there. Yeah. And it was cool, like I did, they have like a big podcast. They're about to kidnap you. They have, well,

the fucking, people online, like they found what my grandparents did. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And I'm like, you know, if I can age me, especially your fucking obuela is gonna be tied up. Yeah, they're gonna have her. They're gonna send you a postcard with her. They're gonna send you one of her toenails. It's like, well, she passed. Okay, all right.

So let me set my natcha on. All right, now it's not. But my grandpa is still there, but like, they found it for like no reason. They had no intentions. They just shared it on the thread. They're like, his family lives over here. And I'm like, do you want to kidnap those?

Yeah, yeah. Why are you sharing this information? They found a next girlfriend that I had. She messaged me, she's like, hey, I'm married now. Why are you? Why is that a man? Yeah, why are your cousins asking about me? That's fucking why you got to deal with that but uh, but that's fucking hilarious

But it's nice to like go back to like the old country and get like I got like recognize a couple times That's all I was like super cool. That's sick. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I wonder because it's like American culture is huge in Greece, but it's like so different. You're right. We're in the same like, it's not that far. The R is not that far from here. It's like Miami. Yeah, exactly. So Greece is like a whole, the second you get one mainstream like really big thing,

it's over, they'll talk about you forever. Like some stamos? Like they just don't understand the internet. You know what I mean? No, yeah, that's the thing. But like over there, it's like if I was in a big, like a major motion picture release for one second, I would like be on the news.

Yeah. You know what I mean? But it's like, but having a 10 million views doesn't mean shit to them, right? Yeah. Like it's literally news. Tom Hanks, Tom Hanks's wife is half Greek and every time he vacations in Greece, it's on the news for like three weeks. Like they have pictures of him eating cow maris. But you know what I mean? It's like his half, you know what I mean? Like it's not like Tom Hanks came to like, you know. Support anything.

He's on a beach having fucking a pita, you know what I mean? And they're like, Tom Hanks. You know what that means? That means you don't have time to build up. Like you're gonna go from zero to 100. Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like overnight. They're gonna be like, this is the king of Greece.

Thank God we don't have that many relatives because this like, I just like, Yeah. Cause shit is bad going bad over there. Cause even like, you have to think like, you are Matt, I mean, as far as like Greek comedians go, you're, yeah, I don't know who else is the man. Right, Yannis. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yannis for sure, but you're like Greek comedians go, you're, yeah, I don't know who else. Right, Yannis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yannis for sure, but you're like a top three guy in the country. Right, right, and Greece for sure. Yeah, well that's the thing, that's why. But dude, no, in America I'm saying, like you're a top three comedian. I appreciate that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh in America, yeah, I suppose. Which is like, this is the major leagues of comedy. Yeah, but you really, Greek is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. You know what I mean? It's like who the fuck it's me honest and then question mark question mark You know what I mean? I'm sure there's a lot of success But to be top anything to be top anything in the United States is impressive Yeah, but we're not that many fucking Greeks dude. There's not you know what I mean?

There's three comics. There's a few I appreciate it But yeah, you're right though, because local, like not real fame, then if you look at it in like specific lenses, you feel way more, like there's nowhere I get recognized more than Baltimore because I started like talking about the Ravens. You can't, like you walk down the street and you know. It's gotten, when ever since I started doing Ravens jokes

and like a couple like Ravens videos have gone viral, it's like, yeah, I get recognized constantly Baltimore. And it's just hilarious. You're gonna start doing giants and juxtapos. It's gonna let people love football. Yeah, I know, I mean, especially Baltimore. Like that's like a real thing. It's all we fucking have, dude.

We don't have another, we don't have another, I mean, we have the Orioles, but like, you know, no basketball. Yeah, I got, I got like, I get now recognized a little more because of the special obviously and all the publicity, like it's out right now and all the publicity they did before. had the weird thing happen like cuz I'm always down to take photos And I like every time somebody acts for a photo. I'm like this is the coolest thing that's happening to me But this past weekend like I was leaving the hotel like it was like 7 a.m. I was checking out

I'm like on the road. Yeah, I was in in West, Concent Okay, nice club in West Concent. No, I was in West Concent. Okay. Nice. Club in West Concent. Madison? No, I was in Kenosha. Oh shit. Ken. Comedy Club. Which is fine. We did two shows, it sold out, and they were great.

And then the next day, I was like checking out, you know, like you're checking out, like you're like a little bit more old. Yeah, it's for like, I was getting my coffee and somebody's like, run up to me and actually like, for a photo. And I said, yeah, but I was like, oh, I can see how this. Yeah. Yeah. But of course, I'm so like, I said yeah, but I was like oh I can see how this yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. I'm so like I'm like yeah, of course I'm in Knozha Not only that listen bro. Yeah, listen to this. Yeah, this is how this is how ancient I am Not only like did they rush me to take the photo. Yeah, they didn't have their phone

So they asked me to take it on my phone yet Descended They didn't have their phone. So they asked me to take it on my phone. Yeah, don't fuck that. So I took a photo. And what, descended to that? Ha ha ha ha ha. Yeah, that's next level. That's next level. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a lot. I'm a photographer, I'm the artist, I had to edit it.

Yeah, like, could you crop this out? It's like, all right. How's the lighting in? Yeah. Oh, step over here. Yeah. Alarious, dude. This is where I'm at. That's so fucking funny. I love the d'Arche, step over here. Larius, dude. That's so fucking funny. I love the d'Archit, though, though.

That's I'm interested like, do you have you been going back? Like, you know, back. Yeah, last month. Do you have much family ever there? I still have a bunch of uncles and my grandfather is still over there. And I have like friends and my family visits a lot. So we're so excited. And like, and it's like you said, like you get a couple things like HBO, Dominican on HBO.

Like that, they, they, they, they, they support your fucking David Ortiz as far as that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you've been poppy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, right. Well, I love it. Like I appreciate it, because like they, they're,

obviously like a Spanish-speaking country, but like we, I did shows out there. Yeah. We sold out two shows in English. That's awesome. And the, and the capitol at the comedy club over there, which that was like a big deal. Yeah, that's fucking, because the funny thing is,

everything about DR, like when you think about going to the DR, it's like, if you're not from the DR, you're there for sex tourism. And if you are from the DR, you're there to tend to your second family. That's usually what the fucking slide. That's what everybody knows. So, if you'd have like this wholesome

I'm sure you have some fucked up like some hilarious like dude. You know what's funny about family members And I have family members who literally are there for both What's funny? Oh, there's your Albanian uncle would love the DR I don't even know about the sex tourism till I got older. Yeah, so like I was this young and by old I mean like I was like 23 when I find out like people are coming here to have sex Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I thought everyone just came to eat mango And enjoy the beautiful wallets and you have these white men are like no we come here to fuck yeah We fucking on stop

I was working at the airport with fresh out of college. So like, you know, I was working for Delta. So you had like all these employees that would like fly for free. And then you had like these old men were like, yeah, I get, well, I like to start my day with five women. Oh, I'm like, what? Yeah, just some old guy never been married. Yeah, well, you're married, but I'm married.

Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I like to start my day with five women to four, 12. Good, good. And then I like to finish it off with three women. And I'm like, you're having sex with 10 women a day? Yeah, $75. Best deal in the free. Yeah, that's, yeah, they're looking,

that he's frugal, he's thinking about a per nut. Yeah. He's like, it's $75. So if I only not once, that's $75, but if I let five times, thinking about a per nut. Yeah, look at 75 so if I only not once that's 75 bucks But five five times that's a good deal You know, it's like it's like Costco You get prostitution of bull yeah, essentially that's what these motherfuckers are doing dude That's fun dude those poor girls. I'm just anybody tried to sell you just like you know how

If you're famous, they'll be like if they recognize the beer on the house Anybody tried to give you is anybody like a pimping like how about some pussy? Pussy on the house I want every style of Oh But oh No pussy on the house of HBO Max no, you don't get it's gotta be on TV So HBL max, no, you don't get that. It's gotta be on TV.

It's got to be linear. We gotta be linear. You get that. You get that. But that's like, I was having this conversation with my friend because they were asking me, they were like, all right, you done some things. I've done some mainstream things.

Like I've done tonight show twice and I got the HBO, got the Comedy Central Special, whatever. So they were like, how is it like, are you getting like, do you feel like, like you're getting like a ton of women? And I'm like, I mean, you get women, but everybody gets women. You don't have to be like, how is it like, are you getting like, do you feel like you're getting like a ton of women? Like, and I'm like, I mean, you get women, but everybody gets women. You don't have to be like, not everybody.

Yeah, it's a group of people. Some of the people listening to this show right now. Can't relate to anything about this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But generally speaking, I will get to your questions soon, guys. 904, 800 stop, calling if you don't get any pussy. Me and Ian do though.

So we're gonna talk about that for the next couple minutes You get it's so funny because like my my like my you know my niece works at the stand Okay, you know and like she'll send me like you're post like a going on tour and it's like you naked on a convertible She's like I love him I'm like this is how he does it. I don't understand. He's just like double down on his hysterical. Yeah, hilarious. If you're just honest, if you're just you,

if you're just you, and it's like, hey, I just bought it. I have some ribs. Would you like to eat some and come give me head? Some was gonna say yes. You know what I mean? I'm like, I don't know, you could be that honest. I don't know, this existed.

Like, did he just tweet that he ordered Chinese food? He'd also like... And then just get 3000 re-twits? It's been a drop of location. I know, it is really funny to get famous in just, like I'm not actually famous, but I'm famous in the exact niche way where the most like I've talked about this before It's like I got famous and I got podcast and internet famous

Which is where a lot of mentally ill women that will just fuck you exist Yeah, that's probably like the best way Yeah, yeah, it's like it's a lot better than a tonight show The old bitches yeah, yeah, it's like hold's a lot better than a tonight show Old married women in Minnesota telling me when are you coming to Minnesota? And then I go and they don't go yeah, they forgot yeah You got that internet thing and there's like an anonymity to the internet But yeah, there's personal but yeah anonymous so yeah, so that works But I was who was I I think I was having a conversation

with Mark Norman about it, because like, Mark was telling me how like, Sanfoe loves Bernie Mack, because he was like, Sanfoe says like, Bernie Mack is like, who he is, like, or everything, like, the outfit matches the voice, the voice matches the act, like, and he's like, he was this loud thing,

and I'm like, I feel that about you, but like, you are 100% who you are, and we're like, the, suits match the ass. I'm sorry, I appreciate that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everything like works. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's, and that is before

you even get the advice portion. That is hugely, that's the best thing that's ever happened to me, which I'm just like, yeah, I'm just gonna be exactly who the fuck I am. Who cares. But it's so, I mean, do you think anyone could do that? I look, here's the catch.

There's a charm to you. Absolutely, like there is a catch to it where it's like, yeah, I also have her worked really hard. Like, because what people think about that is like, just be a slob and let yourself go and look. It's like, it's not that. It's like, you have to also, you have to care about putting the best version of you out there.

You can't, there's a version of me that Where's a fuck it's not it's like a shitty tracksuit that's stained with fucking Chinese food. Yeah, I haven't exercised in two Yeah, you can't feel like shit, you know like and I haven't worked on my you know I'm depressed because I've been fucked up too long and it's like But there's also the version of you that's like yeah I'm even if I'm not working out to actively like lose a ton of weight, I feel better. I'm, you know, my, my energy's up. I've been working on comedy, I'm sharper,

I'm performing, so I'm like, I've talked to a lot of people, so I'm socially engaged. It's like, you gotta be the best version of you, right? It's not about just letting things out and letting things go. It's like, you're also, you're also like a lately, a good time. Sure, I'm a, you're fun. Yeah. You're also a, like, a nately, a good time. Sure.

I'm a, you're fun. Yeah, yeah. I'm a, you're one of those people that, like, I imagine, like, in high school, like, when you walked into the classroom, it was like, all right, we're about to have fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did. There was a lot of, like, it's funny to look back on when I thought

I was just, like, a kind of a fucking, like, I was like, I thought of people liked me and I was like, a little bit of a nerd, even because I was, you know, I was, you know, I was like, I did people liked me and I was like a little bit of a nerd, even because I was, you know, I was like, I did take school seriously a little bit. And then it's like, oh, I guess I was like, kind of like a complete clown and bully. Like I was like fully, like everyone's having a good time, but it might be at somebody's expense.

Like yeah, I was, I was that for a while too. People, like, I go back and I see people, like I grew up with, I'm like, what's up dude? And they're like, you tortured me in lunch class. I'm like, dude, we were having a good time. And it's like, oh, I guess I could see that in hindsight. What, what, what, what, what,

but also I wasn't getting pussy in high school because it was like, I was, I was, I wasn't either. I was self conscious. And I think like, and that's, that's also, I think how, like, why in cells are neg, like, there's a negativity to that. It's also I think how like why in cells or neck like then there's a negativity to that it's like you don't if you don't release if there's not that pressure valve of Release of like getting pussy you turn mean yeah, and I think that's what it was

Like yeah because I had the same like I was the same guy where I was like fun And I was like but I turned it on I I was hurt and I was like let's hurt Yeah, I'm sure I will hurt people I was like, let's hurt somebody. Yeah, sure, well hurt people, hurt people, right? Exactly, because you can't feel better, because you don't, yeah, you feel like, you have all this depression and all this kind of shit when you're like, you know, I spoke about this

on other things, because like, we're in cells, like, if you've seen the special, you understand that, like, I'm, first of all, I feel like I'm making fun of like both sides, like I'm making fun of women, and I'm also making fun of men. And like I feel like in some of the parts, maybe not in the special,

but in some of the clips that they shared, it seemed like I was like making fun of men. So like the in cells, not a lot. It was like maybe five out of one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, he's giving away this man, clearly he's giving away all the man secrets. He's supposed to be a woman, and I'm like,

who are his? I'm like, this special, like this special, you have to like get, like to understand the comedy. I'm not to understand, but like to relate to it at least. I feel like you have to be able, you have to sleep with women. Yeah. Yeah, it's actually,

I'll just, you know, I was thinking the other day, I love, you know what I love, mango the fruit. I love it sweet, it's delicious. Mango the fruit. I love its sweet, its delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango, pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move.

I would get a little fruit salad. You know many times I've gotten sucked off. I'd be like, this is actually, one time after a day, I was like, wanna come back for some fruit salad And I thought it was smooth and then some girl after she fucking was like that was so weird You asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't dry and I didn't I wasn't drinking at the time Well, they say mangoes are an effort D'siac. Well, here's the thing

I'll thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango and I've often times I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. Yeah, and I was thinking to myself, what if this mango made my dick hard? Now that would be something else. That'd be awesome. And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game. You know, I'm a dick pill of angelist eldest. Oh, yeah, you know, I'm an ED I've tried them all from the gas stations to other other services mango rx now has a new ED pill that is game-changing Okay, really tastes like mango my friend delicious just like it and They have a nice proprietary because like I said, I've tried like it. And they have a nice proprietary, because like I said, I've tried them all, Eld.

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You heard it here first. I don't know. Yeah, because like I said, I've done a bunch of them. And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow. They got all kinds of science shit in here. They're making them taste delicious. I am so happy. It was the goal of this podcast.

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All right. I know I've spoken about it a lot, but I am excited to try this one. Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor. Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend. The dissolving factor and the yummy taste, dude, make me very impressed. You've seen me take adibles enough for. That's sure, just because you wanted a little dummy.

I'm not aware of a snack, because I have so much wine to get high as well. I've seen you take weed adibles, I've seen you take fiber adibles where you're shitting yourself because you wanted a momentary snack. I've seen you take thums on an empty stomach, just because you wanted the taste

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brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most

special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb. Yeah, yeah, yeah, super sure you're very heteronormative. Yeah, it's also it's it's very um loser negative. It's not loser positive. It is about people who have gotten pussy. But there is also vulnerability into it, because it's like, yes, because you are talking about,

it's something I did wanna talk about, where it's like, yeah, it's like, damn, you can't, and it's kind of like those guys that go to the DR, they still get put, it's like, they've distilled what's disgusting about getting pussy, and it's like, the older you get, if you're still a guy who's just trying to get laid, because apart, apart of the specialist, it's like, yeah, it's fun to fuck around, and it's fun, but it's like, at a certain, if you're still a guy who's just trying to get laid, because a part of the special is like,

yeah, it's fun to fuck around and it's fun, but it's like at a certain, you get a certain point and you're like, I kind of would like a real connection with somewhere. And there is a vulnerability there where it's like, at a certain point, getting pussy stops being cool. Like, it's not hard anymore. And it's a sign that's almost of immaturity.

Because it's like, but it's still a drug, right? Absolutely. So it's like you know that doing crack isn't good and of course, but every time a new thing. There's 11 minutes. You're on crack. You're like, right.

So yeah, so it's 100%. Yeah, I guess like, it's like, not, I mean, I don't think I'm in, I'm not, I'm definitely not like a sex addict or any other job. I'm definitely not because, you know, I'm cool without it, but like, I'm't think I'm not, I'm definitely not like a sex addict or any other job. I'm definitely not because, you know, I'm cool without it, but like, won't period the time. But I'm saying like, you feel like, all right,

I don't need this, but when it's offered, you still have that temptation. And I don't know for you, especially if you're like, you're a fucking performer too. It's like, there is something to the like, getting attention for, or getting like, like positive reinforcement outside for, you know what I mean it's like of course it's like Just somebody wanting to fuck you. It makes you feel good. He's like oh really you want to fuck I mean that

I mean that's even more than the actual bus A bit part of it for me is that you want For me is that you want to do this. If you don't want to, we don't have to do this. We can go home. In fact, it feels really bad. It feels like how, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I just catch a vibe that like, I can't imagine just fucking somebody who's been trafficked.

Like it's just like a girl who's just like nervous because she has to work in the morning. And she wants like, she's like, she's having a good time, but she's like, I gotta be up at 6 a.m. And that's on the back of her mind. That can ruin it for me. Let alone like, my family is being held at gunpoint.

And I have to make, I have to make this pimp $7,000 before I'll be released. Like that. And the guys like, woo, fucking me and my accountant buddies are at the DR. Yeah, me, me, I mean, I guess we're similar in that in that way like me and those guys those type of guys that can live that way We have we don't have anything in common right right when it comes to that like absolutely But I think it comes from like it's also like a from a place of like if you don't struggle to to meet people then

You tend to be more relaxed about it right and you tend to want situations to be cool Yeah, I mean if I didn't? You tend to want situations to be cool. Yeah. I mean, if I struggled to meet, I might be at the beyond. Of course, you never know, you never know. So that's usually though, because you said you weren't, you were also kind of in that like taking it out on in high school, not getting any pussy. Yeah, that was, I was never, I was never,

even when I was, like I just wasn't having, I was like a small dude. Right, right, right. I was like five, one freshman especially in the year of a... You grew up in Queens? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Freshman year of high school. But you know, by the time I graduated,

I was like, you know, I grew a little tall. Five to one and a half. Yeah, five, nine. Now I'm like, I'm like, five, six, five, seven. But I, like, but then I was also skinny. Like I was just a small dude. Right, right, right. It's one that you could be five, three, and big.

And you're like a big guy. But like I was just a small dude. It's one that you could be five, three, and big, and you're like a big guy, but like I was just a small dude. Three, and biggest tough dude, brother. That's like a little, of course. You're a presence. You're in a lot of ways people look at you like almost like, you're like a little kid. A little kid, right? Right, especially in high school.

Especially in high school. It's such a spectrum. You're like, if you're a skinny five, five one, it's like, and there's like a guy who's bench pressing, well, that's a thing, a linebacker. My high school was like a basketball powerhouse school, hilarious. Some of the big, like, these are like,

Christa King. Oh, holy shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, when I was there, like, we won a state championship, we won, we would rank hilarious. Some of the, like, who was there? Do you remember any my players yeah for sure my year was Irvin Walker Ryan Pearson

fuck yeah dude Malik Booth yeah those were like Irvin went on to play for Florida yeah Ryan went on to play for D1 we're talking we're talking NBA I mean your camera camber Walker camber Walker plays for writing yeah he played for rights so he was like our biggest competitor yeah so these was like NBA player still in Landisburg. I think still been went on to play for three or four years. Is it Melos? Melos on those days now? Yeah, so they ranked this year.

So I say that to you. So you're five one and there's kids that are like playing and like just like a six eight power forward at that same school. Yeah, where Tina Charles was there when I was there. She won Gatorade player to year. She was the best. And you're shopping at Gap for kids.

She was trying to get busy with a little dinosaur on your shirt. Right. Right. She was like one of the best basketball players ever. Yeah. She was there when I was there. Like who am? Yeah.

She was being cameras following her round. LePard Holden was coming by with Chloe Kardashian. Seriously, you would see following around the part. Hold him was coming by with Chloe Kardashian. Seriously, you would see them in the hallway. And I'm five, one like, hey, what's up? You want to hear something funny that happened to me? But then I got a girlfriend. I got a girlfriend, senior.

And I grew, I grew into my body, and I got a girlfriend. And I was just with her. And you're also charming, guy. You figured it out. So I say that to, like, I was never miserable because I was always, like, I was fairly with her. Like, you were just like, and you're also charming guy, you figured it out. Yeah, so I say that to, like, I was never miserable because I was always like, I was fairly well-liked. Yeah. Like, people liked me and I did date.

Like, I had girl friends. I just wasn't like, sexual, like, sexual, but like, I had girls and like, we would, I would date and girls like me and I like girls. You go see, you go see little movies and shit. Yeah, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little, littleizer or chillies. Right, for sure. There was literally a chillies that everyone hung out with a couple blocks away. So we would do that, but it wasn't until college where,

like, and I went away, like to dorm. Where'd you go? I went to Sunio Westbury, it's right in Long Island. But that was when I was like, all right, like, girls. That's funny, I did a similar thing where it's like, I mean, you went further away, but Queen's the Long Island is not that far.

It was pretty minutes. Dude, I went to school 20 minutes away, because and dorm, and dorm because I got a scholarship. It's pretty minutes. Dude, I went to school 20 minutes away because- Endormed? Endormed because I got a scholarship. Oh, okay. It was the only school- Thanks Biden, he- Yeah, for me.

Yeah. Shout out to Joe. Yeah. Hell yeah, dude. No, but yeah, that's like the thing. So I say like I was a never like, I used to make fun of people because I used to think like we were all in it.

Like I used to be like, oh, it's fun. I had no perspective of like, no, you're hurting people. Right, right, right. Sorry, sorry, right. What up, you fat bull bastard? I know what you're saying. I'm sorry, why'd you pick those two?

No. That's interesting. There are some high school kids that were fat and bull, huh? Clearly that must be what you're referring to right now. No. No. No. I would have picked maybe some, maybe with braces, Clearly that must be what you're referring to right now. Oh! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- there. No, but I'm sure he's been the same thing. Of course, of course.

You look like you little bastard. Why are you being mean? You just walked into the cafeteria and being mean. Of course, of course. But now, I don't even find humor in that. I don't even like, because you see what it's doing to the other person. Right. And you have to post that.

I like to watch them. I think they're fun, but I don't like being a part of them. Of course. Especially, they'll get to friends. They'll be like, oh, you and Star Wars are friends. You should battery each other. I'm like, I don't want to hurt my friends. Right. Well, to me, it's like, I think at least the friend thing if you have that kind of relationship. It's better. It's fun because it's like it is fun to just to like, because you ultimately know there is no. It's kind of a game to save the most fucked up thing to somebody you truly care about.

Yeah, but I also don't, I don't say fucked up shit to you. And I get that, but, but Rose Battle has gotten out of control. Where was like, these people are strangers, and they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, your brother got molested and your mom's in hell, crying about it.

And it's like, we've never met. Right, it's like, why are you saying this? It's, it's gotten to the point where it's just so, I'm like, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It also, I mean, coming like, from like Hispanic, but black, you know, like, they don't roast like that. No, no.

Like, they look fun of your shoes, but you don't bring up a child molestation. Right, right, right. Right. You don't bring up a molestation at the lunchation. Of course, of course. Of course, of course. Yeah, absolutely. You couldn't do that.

You would disrupt too much of the Dominican Republic's economy. If you brought a molestation. Fuck, dude. Yeah, that is so fucking funny. So yeah, and then you were, so, okay, long island, that's fun.'s that is also another thing of like whatever your you were just you just became you came into yourself a little bit And you were like yeah just charming and you've learned how to talk to people And that's a good that's a good route to if you're like a if you're someone who lacks a little confidence and you're like you know You have a little you know you were a short kids, scrondly, whatever, it's like, yeah, find somebody,

make, because that's seem to be your thing, get a relationship going, actually talk to the person, be nice to a girl, and figure it out from there. And that's a really good girl. My high school girl, she was beautiful too. She was like a pretty girl, that she was a pretty girl, who dressed nice and everyone thought was cool. So when me and her got together like people loved it

Yeah, yeah, of course. They were rooting for you. They're the mascot But that is a good that's a good. I feel like that's probably gonna come up in our in our Questions, but so that's it So are you and I want to go back to the idea in the special about like the vulnerability and being done with dating and all that stuff It's like or do you really feel that way about wanting to like stop dating and actually get into a relationship? Is that what you're acting like?

I mean, again, I'm in belishin', like to, I'm in a relationship. No, no, but that's, I get it, but I'm just mean like, is that, because I gotta be out for me, I am sort of starting to feel about a little bit. I am, I am, but I mean, you can attest to this. The, you work so hard to get to a point,

to get the train moving. You know, once that train takes off, it starts moving so fast career wise, that you almost be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, I have to step back. So like my last few relationships, or people that we, you know, my last few relationships, it's like, it comes to a point where I'm just like,

I like her and she likes me, but I'm like, I have no time. Yeah, I feel like. I don't have time. But see where I'm just like, I like her and she likes me, but I'm like, I have no time. Yeah, I feel that. I don't have time. But see, I also think that, because this is what happened to me earlier this year, because I said that to myself, and I was like, I don't have time.

And so I didn't even consider trying to be in a serious relationship. And then, you know, I would see, you see people casually, you let them know I don't have time, and then one person, and most of the time those girls are like, hey, like, this isn the time those girls are like, hey, this isn't working, you're like, thank you very much.

Really appreciate everything you've done around here. You know, like we, you know, appreciate what you've done the last four months, you really made this a nice time. And then, but then somebody breaks up with you or like gets a boyfriend or whatever, and you just can't, you're like, oh wait, I liked her. And now I'm just sad. You know, and it's like, and then you're like, so that's, I'm coming, that's realization, you're like, oh wait, I liked her. And now I'm just sad. You know, and it's like, and then you're like,

so that's, I'm coming, that's realization where it's like, and I'm talking about this shit in therapy too, all this kind of shit where it's like, at a certain point, it just is your life. And there is no when this slows down, because it might never slow down. It might be, it might be like, it's like, that's an excuse you're saying,

and it's like, you have to figure out how to do it within this. I'm thinking about that thing with my health, too, where I'm like, I was like, dude, I just need to get my get off the road and like really hit my health hard. And I did that last, I got off the road. I took like eight weeks and it was really good for me. But then it's like, I've been on the road fucking four months after that. And it's like, I'm healthier than I would have been if I hadn't done that, but that's not enough. I have to think about how to do it

while I'm on the road. You know, and it's like, I feel like I'm thinking that, that's what I'm thinking the same thing with relationships where it's like, there's never gonna be, that's why I'm at it. But it's not me, it's not like I don't want to work on it. I just start, like I start't want to work on it. I just start like I start feeling so guilty for the girl right because they come in so like bride-eyed and there for you

and then once they see what it really is of course you can tell they they're like they're thing being broken down of like sorry I'm in fucking Kenosha right I can't come I can't come to your Kenosha, I can't come to your sister's graduation. Exactly, we added a Sunday in Kenosha. I can't come to you, congratulations. We had a Sunday, and now you'll get another master's. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm not doing it. I'm so bad.

I'm so bad, no one picked up out of the tag. I had to check, I had to check merch, no one bought it. I actually lost $40 checking my merch back Hey tell your sister. I'm happy the baby's healthy I heard the baptism went well. I'll wave the cameo feed Yeah, no, that's the thing. So I'm at that point where I'm like, I try and I want to be, but like, you reach a point where you just start feeling so selfish and I hate to feel that way. So like when I start feeling that I kind of be like, hey, this is like, this is not working

for you. Yeah, of course. Like it's working for me. Yeah, this is cool for me. Yeah, this is not working for you. Interesting. Have you had anyone's where you're like, I wish I could have gotten that one back, wish I could have made it work. Yeah, this is cool for me. Yeah, this is not working for you. Interesting. Have you had anyone's where you're like Wish I could have gotten that one back. Wish I could have made it work. Yeah, yeah, I mean I had I had a I had a girlfriend where I was like The you know like everything was everything was right except my career. Yeah

Would you though but knowing now with this perspective that you have now? Could you have been like? Can we have could we have figured it out? Are you just saying? Well, I think because of what, like my lifestyle ruined what it got. Gosh, I see, I see. So it's not that my lifestyle,

like my unavailability. I see. So you ended up changing. I see, I see. And you also gave it a try within the, within the parameters of your career, but the career was just too much. Cause like for me, the problem is like,

I almost use that as an excuse not to get close enough to someone. I do too, yeah. And then I'm like, and then I'm like, well, I could have seen her a little more. Like, I could have been a little more. But then it's like, you need just like, dude, like you said, you're on the road, like you come back

and it's like, sure, you can do a date night if you really want to, you can. But it's like, I, but I also would like a night off, like just rest, like I kind of want to be with my thoughts by myself. You didn't like it that much. That's not, but that's what it's like, no, I do. I do like, I enjoy being it, but it's like, I need the time to myself. Yeah. And anytime the right, and you need time, I mean, you're doing producing and. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's a I need the time to myself. Yeah. And anytime the right and you need time,

I mean, you're doing producing and, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's a lot of shit. And it's also like, but I understand. Yeah, yeah. There is something where I'm just like, at the end of the day, all of that is a little bullshit, though. Is it?

It is a little bit, because if it is the kind of thing, what we're just talking about, this is just how life's gonna be, and we gotta figure it out. And maybe that's a little bit of finding somebody that's more compatible, maybe that's the problem. Well, that's the thing, I feel like you get enough, you get to appoint in your career,

you get enough freedom where things get easier. So it's like, you might always get busy, but if you're at the point of your career where you can fly your lady out with you, right, going to this thing, and you can take on the long. You're only going to good cities. Yeah, and you're not doing connocia. Yeah, sorry. Going to the Disney and you can take the only good cities. Yeah, and you're not doing Kenosha.

Yeah, sorry to Kenosha, but you can take it. It sucks. You can take it Hawaii. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, then it's like, all right, well, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got you. I, yeah, no, I get that, dude.

And also, I mean, it would be nice to come off the road and be married, have like family to come home to. I literally have reinvented. Like, I was coming home off the road and I'd been on the road so many times and you come home to an apartment that's like, there's no food in the house. It's a little messy because you were packing,

you know, last minute. And I was like, hey, it'd be kind of nice if, I was like, damn, it'd be nice if I got back. And like, maybe somebody was like, there was food ready, and the apartment was coming. It was like, oh, you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I realized, and I was like, damn, it'd be nice if I got back and like, maybe somebody was like, there was food ready, and the apartment was going you. Yeah, yeah, and I realized, and I was like, and you know what,

I'm making enough money now, they wouldn't even have to pay rent. And I was like, and you know what, it'd be kind of cool if it was like a girl I was dating because I could, we could just, it would be good. Like I was like, and then I was like,

the offer you that I was. That's funny, just, well that's what I realized, I reinvented, well wife. I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,

I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like I like. And then I was like, 100% we're just describing a 50's house. A family, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. I should go to the art, but for marriage, not for sex tourism. Let me put that out there very clear right now, everyone.

That would be a nice foreign wife. That's not a bad look. Yeah. That's not a bad look. Maybe you ever think about going back, getting yourself a little straight from the DR? I thought about, I thought you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I thought about it like just going to grease me like just let me get a fucking straight from the motherland girl That'll be nice right?

You're still out you're still out the fucking In Greece you still out the fucking hell is you never had an Albanian girlfriend? Did you know I have it. Never. I always like, I always want to stay away from it. I was like, make sense. I just feel like I have this Albanian family at home. Yeah.

Feels like a lot. It just always felt a little disconnected or something. Of course. We didn't get in, Dendi. Well, we were talking about the DR in Greece. We didn't get into your trips to Albania. This, I know you were fucking, I know you were sharing a room with a goat at some point

you're fucking, no I just, I remember when I went to Albania in the 60s like you couldn't even shit on the toilet like it was just holes in the ground in the 90s you mean? Yeah, yeah, it's the 60s. Is that gonna 90s? I mean yeah, just dirt roads everywhere like you're sleeping with your, I mean back then we were young but you know even when I went like last few years like you know my cousins are fucking grown men And they're still sleeping that childhood bedroom Two and a two and a half years. Yeah, you're sharing one of the beds with one of them Guess what if it's summer you're fucked like you just got that ceiling fan. There's no I see oh Sounds horrible. I remember in Albania when I was in like 96 out of seven years old.

I saw my fucking uncle like, cut a chicken's head off in the backyard for dinner. And I like didn't need any meat that whole trick. And I remember like me and the fucking, like neighborhood fucking kids like would go out back and they would be like spitting on the chicken heads and throwing them at the, at the build, like at the wall. Yeah, no, no, no.

The thing, I saw them, I went to the market, like the street market, I saw them kill a chicken with their hands. I was like, you bring the chicken's neck. Oh my God, you kill it. Yeah, I remember going on vacation in this little fucking Hick Greek village. Like it was a little village

and then you would go down the road and it was like a nice little beach. And it was kind of like a lower middle class vacation town and that's the nice thing about Greece. Like even the shitty ones are better. The shittiest Greek beach I've ever been to is like better than like Malibu. Like the best, you know?

And so, and it's like this little little lower middle class down. And I remember these kids, like we would play soccer and the most exciting thing that ever happened was like, these two dogs got caught fucking. And they were, and every kid in the, in the fucking village, like, ah, they were like throwing rocks at the dog.

And they were just chasing them. These dogs fucking and moving and like kids. And I remember I showed these kids a dollar and they're like Meanwhile like a hero was more And they're like yeah, I traded them like one dollar for five euros It was like a great, but why don't we take some of this immigrant expertise some of this fucking little guy who still managed to get Pussy expertise and show it to our fucking and get it with our callers here because I gotta call that's a perfect second. I love it. I love it. Let's hear it.

You motherfucker. Hey, stop. So I'm 15 and you already know that she's actually my life is on 15 and the family. But here's my problem. Me and my ex girlfriend broke up like six months ago. Oh, listen, this kid is broken up. You know, like we talked a little bit and not nearly after that. And today she touched with me and was like, I want you back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I still might have enough to track to do. I want to try again. And I told her like, no, I moved on. Wow. But I don't know, now I'm questioning it because I feel like this is the only woman that

ever loved me I'm sorry play it again else. I was laughing too much at that statement I don't know now question again because I feel like this is the only woman that's ever loved me And I'm not rushing in because I feel like this is the only woman that's ever loved me. And she's got big old titties. I don't know what that is. Okay, now you're talking to some sense. Finally speaking in our language. You might find other women of love with you.

You're titties. If she doesn't have big ass titties. No, no, that's rare, honestly. No joke, there are more women have loved me than, no, that's such. The more, not every woman who's loved me has had big ass titties. I'll put it that way. No. But a couple of.

Okay, and those were beautiful thoughts. You could count the day. Yeah, yeah. So I understand what he means. We see where you're coming from, buddy. You don't know when that next one's coming. Yeah, although, you know, they might have had a big ol' ass, and that was pretty nice too.

That's nice too. The first girl that I loved had didn't have big titties had a huge ass and I was like I was always just straight titties at that point in my life And I was like no these are actually all big asses cool, too So okay buddy. Well look we got good news for you We're missing like you're clearly, you know, he's 15, not a good storyteller. You've left so much detail. Why, why did you break up? What happened here?

He said, me and my ex go from broke up. So we don't even know who broke up with who. It says he doesn't wanna be where I think though. It seems like, but is it because she did something fucked up to him? Cause I remember that. I remember I had a girlfriend who I like, you know, I made out with her a couple times.

I touched her a couple times in like when I was 15. And I remember she called me. She called me one time. She was like crying. She was like, I accidentally got fingered last night. It's like, oh really? It was a real big accident, huh? It was like, the fuck would a real big accident, huh?

I remember there was this couple there was this couple in high school that dated that they're my friends I love them and like they used to have a lot of like every week somebody would cheat on the other one And they would break up and fight and now they're like married with like a beautiful Listen man, just take a back even she got fingered the night before just take a back You never know your only fifteen people get older and mature. I will say this he is only fifteen and Mo we were just talking about how we didn't get any pussy in high school. Yeah, he's getting big titty love You're getting big titty love pussy. You're not as charming or entertaining as us. It's not even close. I can hear it in your voice. So, I can hear it in your voice.

I can't even close. So honestly, if nothing bad happened and you have these strong emotions towards her, you're young, if you're even on the fence and she wants to be with you, and her titties are big. And her titties are big, and there's nothing toxic, there's nothing bad, you know.

Get in there, fuck it. Who cares? And what do you have to lose? Give it another try. This very well, here's the thing you don't want to know. This could be the hottest one you fucking your whole life. And your life. You want to be that guy?

I was talking to someone. You'll be leaving comments under my special. You don't want to be that guy. I was talking to a guy. I was doing crowd where I was in Toronto, and I did crowd-rooting this guy, and he told me that the first girl, his high school girlfriend, was like this girl who was like, really, she was like a,

she was like a prodigy, a science prodigy, who like now is like some kind of, but like, you know, you ever, you remember, there was a subset of girl that was like, good at everything. Like just in elementary school and junior high school. Exactly. And they were not only smart as shit,

but they were like party, they were flurry, athletic, they were freaks. And it was like, yeah, she was so pregnant now. Yeah, yeah. Six kids in divorce. Either that or they're like at the top of industry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They are just like, they have it all.

So, some people do that. Some people have that. And if you catch them in high school, where they don't know how valuable they are, some guys get lucky and get to date them in high school, like that picture that guy who went to prom with Beyonce, and it's like, that motherfucker had no idea what it was going on. What I'd argue that, I'd argue that that's the time for them

to mainly attack, because women, to more success, will they get? Yes. Like success, they're good people. Exactly. Like, the pool gets smaller for them. Absolutely. Absolutely. So I so that guy He did and then the second girl he did after that was a fucking Raptor's cheerleader And he dated them back to back and and then and then say he'll it'll never get better for that guy And it's possible my friend that it never gets better for you. Now, we don't know that.

You didn't give us enough backstory, but get in there. Yeah, go ahead. You clearly feel something. She has big ass titties. That's like a big point for me. It's a big point for me as well, my friends. The kind of show this is.

Yeah. But, and look, call back if you want. If we're missing some context, please, you know, call in, fill in, but it feels if you want give us if we're missing some context please you know, then call in fill in but it feels like you want to and you're just asking us for our blessing. You have you have you have mine as well Eldis. Yeah, absolutely. Okay, you can't leave the titties on the table. We haven't even seen a picture of this girl and we won't.

And we won't. We don't have to get it anymore specifics. Right. Yeah. We are not attracted to her. And we won't, we won't, we don't have to get it anymore specific. We are not attracted to her, let's put that in. I'm sorry for you. For you. Okay, let's make that for, you know, just we are not, that is not, we are not into her at all. We are into the concept of big things on women our age.

Our age. And I'm just imagining if I was your age. Exactly, exactly. When I was 15, if a girl, I mean, if any girl was nice, you know, anyway. We've covered it. You're in there, buddy. Let us know how it goes. Let us know if we're missing something.

I'll just go ahead and play us another call, my friend. You wanna know something crazy? I have never, I'm sorry. No, no, go ahead, go ahead. I've never hooked up with a girl under 18. Even when I was 18. Oh yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. go ahead, go ahead. I've never hooked up with a girl under 18, even when I was 18. Oh yeah, because you were in, yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've always been legal. Of course, you always, it's always been legal. You'll never get caught. Like one of the saddest things that ever happens is like somebody will be, we'll have a picture they took of their own dick when they were like 15 to sex when they were in high school. You can get arrested for like child pornography.

Oh, you can. If you send that, I've at least seen that on the internet. Who knows? Yeah, yeah. You keep pictures of your five one penis. I can't even imagine how little your shit was in ninth grade. You show it to women as a before.

You think this is small bitch. Look what it looked like in ninth grade. No, I got circumcised so for a year What the fuck what we're strong we were a strong uncircumcised Podcasts. Yeah. Oh, our immigrant brother dude you you stabbed this both in the heart right now I know what happened why I'd be honest with you. I just didn't like how to look wow It was a cosmetic yeah Cosmetic circumcision and ninth grade yeah, I didn't like how it's oh my cuz I played on a basketball team

And then you know your high school boys like you got a shower together And he's gonna see how others look and I'm like my no look like that See how others look and I'm like my no look like that And then I started a movement of like You got leave like 15 you like 15 came after me. Oh my Normalize it. You're breaking our hearts right now. Dude. You're sorry man. I've said too much We're an uncut podcast here at stop. He's really uncut We're an uncut podcast here at stop. He's really uncut Uncut they tried to circumcise me and I said no You ran out the I was like how dare you sir?

Was the recovery brutal like no, it's not bad. It's honestly stopped with this propaganda Don't listen Explorable Mutilated don't listen to this man We'll send a guy It's horrible. What your penis is mutilated. Don't listen to this man. We'll send a guy in a van to your house. El, don't tell me you're thinking about it. I'm gonna start crying.

I can't. I felt like so backstabbing. I found out my dad wasn't circumcised. Wow. Or was he circumcised? No, no, no. He got circumcised. Oh, yeah, I always assumed he was.

It was a good move. He got fucking circumcised. I mean, the thing is, he got circumcised all the other is assumed he was a good what is a good one is that the size i mean the great thing is he got circumcised in like communist albania when he was like fourteen years old he told me can you know someone for the uh... no good standing in the circumcision line

and i don't like by rinking government official they're like bread or circumcision this month. I'll take the clipping. That was really crazy to me. Oh my God, yeah. That's wild. You never saw your father's penis?

You never know, you never saw it? I feel like I saw, I must have seen it like when I was a kid or something at some point. But it didn't register. Yeah, I just didn't realize it. Wow, maybe it was a didn't realize that that's why your bond was never that strong exactly I was like this this explains a lot why there's just not that unspoken bond between me and my dad what are you saying I'm

saying not it's great like consider it dude shut the fuck up don't listen to this man he's trying to fucking he's trying don't listen to this man he's trying to fucking he's trying to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to get to They're, I'd say, they've got some Kanye West style views. Sure. You know, they've got some Kyrie Irving Amazon documentary style views. And when I, so I went to the urologist for a different problem. And the guy, like, I was pissing when I was like, you know, 20 or whatever, I was pissing too much. And he was like, and, you know, they fixed that whatever. But the guy was also like, hey, you're, you know, your force keeps a little tight.

You might, you, I have tie force good. Okay, that makes sense. You, you should consider getting circumcised. And I, I kind of, at the time I wasn't as staunch in my anti-stances I am now. Well, now you got the merch, so you can. Of course, no, I can't. Of course, of course.

Of course. The anti-circuit on merch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've got scarf that look like a, they look like a foreskin I've got four thousand those I got to move before I change any of my fucking views But and I told my dad I was like I was like yeah dad Yeah, I was like I was just tell my family and he was like my father who has never asked any follow-up questions about a doctor in his life.

He was like, just Dr. Jewish. And my dad thought that Jewish people had an interest in circumcising everyone. Then it was like, what are they gain from that? What is this man? You can circumcise not your Jewish. Yeah, exactly. Like what?

In what world does that matter to the Jewish people if my dick is this man? You can suck up, man. You're a Jew. Yeah, exactly. Like what? The what? In what world does that better than Jewish people? If my dick is clipped, it was just so fucking, just shows you how he fucking views the world. But anyway, folks, don't get circumcised. Stay natural. Don't let America take what's beautiful about your culture

and your penis. This man is an assimilator like me and eldest. We stay strong to our roots. All right, play the next one, LD. Hey, stop. My name is Mark. I had a quick question. I was hoping to get some advice on. So I've been wanting to plan like a voice trip for me and the boys to go to a little tropical location, you know. And I've been trying to get set up multiple times, a couple of times here, and kind of keeps getting stuck at a certain point with one of my friends, girlfriend's and I was kind of wondering what I should do about that. Obviously it's not my place to get into their relationship and all that but kind of a little bit annoying that he's coming up like this. So yeah.

Okay. Interesting. So you are trying to get a boys trip going and your friends girlfriend is basically putting the brakes on it from his perspective. I would like how old, I think the age matters. Age does matter on this. It's true because if they have children, you don't even like this.

If there is, this is 40 yearyear-old men. Right, right. My girlfriend is getting a no-one. Right, right, right. Um, but this, this, this guy's out. If I had to guess, he's kind of in that in-between zone where it's like, I think he's got a college. He's got a college. He's got a college not quite adulthood. Yeah. His friend might be a little further down adulthood. Yeah. And that, he might have a serious girlfriend or he could be the same age and she's a dumb bitch or she's also knows maybe his friend is a piece of shit.

Maybe she knows her boyfriend wants to go have a DR style tropical vacation. And she's afraid, you know what I mean? Listen, five men go on vacation. So a tropical destination. Yeah, you're right. Some not chill is happening something not I don't know what it is. I'm not saying it cheating something some weird is gonna happen to me Indusive to a healthy relationship. He's gonna get fucked. Yeah, he's gonna do some kind of drug Something he's really he's gonna watch his friend get sucked off would you alter their relationship?

Right, so way yeah with you alter their relationship. Right, so my girlfriend. Yeah, he might, yeah, he might come out like straight, but liking to watch men fuck around. Yeah, something weird, some kind of weird sexuality. We don't even know about yet. But why can't you just go without the guy? If you got a girl, you stay back.

Now see that, okay, that is the natural answer to this. But at the same time, he wants his boy there. He's losing, he would be losing to this girlfriend. Yeah. If that's the case, you're gonna lose to the girl though. That's just, I mean, that's a good, ultimate, cause in life, ultimately you are gonna, that is something that I have learned the hard way.

Your best friends, you will lose them to their, the best you can hope for is that they date someone you like. And she likes you. And she likes you exactly and Then it works out and that's happened and that's nice But best case scenario because I have this okay my friends girlfriends of think I'm the good influence That's really good. That's the best case scenario. That is not the case. Why can't you be more like Ian? Yeah, they got war with Ian right. That's beautiful. beautiful. That's the dream. No one thinks that about me.

No. There's never been a girlfriend. You think it's the thong photos and the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was bad before I actually, like, it was bad before I could. I could conceive it because I love your bit about how it's like, guys, guys, you don't want to get relationship from a young guy if you single, because it's like, yeah, right.

Like what I want is to hang out with my boys. I want them to be single so that we can hang out. I think there's a little bit of that. I just like, and it's like, if I'm, even if it's not like, even if they're not afraid that they'll cheat or that we're gonna have something crazy, it's like I am a bad influence in that.

We'll get really fucked up, we'll eat like shit. We'll just have a good, good ass time. Even if we're just hanging here watching a game, like they won't answer your text. Exactly, we'll be mad at that. Because we're just having a good time. Yeah. But you're right.

You're at the end of the day, that actually is a very good lesson that you're losing to the girlfriend, man. Yeah. There's nothing you can do about it. That's not what you can do about it, man. Just get used to it, I'll be honest. You know what, you're so right. Yeah. Because I'm still I

I have learned that lesson but for him I'm trying to I'm trying to live by Kerosene through him I want him to win yeah the answer is you're not gonna win you're so right you have to be another one you're so right yeah you exactly because ultimately what we want what you really do want is to and what you should want for your friend is to find a partner that does trump you. If someone's dating somebody and they care about what you think more than what their partner thinks, that's a bad relationship.

I don't want a wife who I listen to eldest more than my wife. No, that's fucking brutal. And so it's like, you're right. It's a good lesson to learn. Even if the girl, and now, it is possible though that this is a bad... That's different. If you think the girl is no good for him.

But truly no good for him. Not because she's fucking up your shop and the vacancy. Right, right, right. But even then, it's like, I found, it doesn't matter. Like, you'll still lose. You'll lose, you'll have, you have a fight there. You have, you at least have the right to say something. You have a fight, yeah, you have a fight.

I found that no one listens to me because I'm too honest, too quickly. Like I'll just say, what the fuck are you doing here? What do you know what I mean? I'm too honest, too. No one listens to me because they don't want to hear it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So if you really do want to affect things,

you have to be diplomatic about it, you have to figure it out. But honestly, brother, what Ian said is so right. You're losing to the girlfriend every time. And if you want to expand it to a friend's and girlfriend's trip, but you probably don't want to do that, you just want to hang out with your fellas. Now, if we wanna be realistic, maybe the issue is, all right, maybe you guys aren't getting on a flight together.

But what about a road trip to like a fucking beach somewhere? Like, you know what I mean? Like that might be an easier pill to swallow. Like you go to the Jersey Shore, you go to like the outer banks, or you just like a boys trip somewhere else, or even within the continental United States, it's probably a little easier for a non-approving girlfriend

to like wrap her head around it, but ultimately, brother. It's the guy's decision. There's nothing you should do about it, Mark. There's nothing you could do about it. You're right. You should do it. He's doing the right thing, because he's like, I know it's my place.

It's not my place to get him. Yeah. He's, that's the person who he has sex with. Yeah. It's a losing battle. Yeah. That's cool. That's cool.

You know what, that really says it all. That's right. That really says it all, Mark, until you start sucking your boy off, yeah, if she's got the Trump card. Yeah, especially if the push is good and you can tell yeah Very very so true. All right, I'll just hit us with another one, baby Do you guys vet these are you just I'll discuss to them and we have a producer or producer Ralph

She produces those girls. Yeah, it's here from her I love the show so glad you bring it back So my name's Melissa. I'm calling with a question that actually doesn't pertain to sucking and sucking great. We're pretty good Great, we're playing from play from the start. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The question that actually doesn't pertain to sucking and talking to mix it up, you know, keep it fresh. So my thing I look next.

No, no playback. Playback, playback. Yeah, yeah. So obviously it's like crazy. So I mix it up, you know, keep it fresh. So my fiancé and I are looking for a house right now. Obviously it's like crazy expenses and pretty much out of reach. We're struggling to find something we can afford

and he suggested maybe getting a due clock like a multi-unit house. So we could live in one side and run top the other to help his mortgage. I'm just really uncomfortable being a landlord and I worry that we'll be in a position to have to like kick somebody out or whatever and I just can't do shit like that to people.

So we've been talking about it and I said like I'd consider doing it if we'll accept Section 8 but I just worry. Section 8. So my question is, like is there an ethical way to be a landlord? I mean people need places to live and better me owning the house than some like private equity company, right? I don't know. Help her ultimate question her ultimate question You may have not heard of but she said is it unethical to be a landlord?

Interesting. No Yeah, I mean you're a landlord. I'm not a landlord. I mean my brother lives in the house. I fucking pay for it You know, you know what I mean Like I don't, he does it. Since the pandemic, I stopped charging him red, and I just, just girl, she has a good heart. This is what it is. She does.

Do good or good spirits. And I see, listen, I see where she's coming from. There is something like, fucked, I get it, like feeling that it is fucked up to like, someone just needs a place to live, and you're charging them, you're paying off your mortgage and making money off of them. And it's like, it's so hard to own a house in America that like we're forced to lend.

And they've made it so that you have to have an crazy amount of money to even buy a house where most people, their rent is more than a mortgage, right? And it's just because they don't have the money up front to get it, and there is something on ethical about our system in that way, where it's like, especially now where housing prices are fucking through the roof, and like private equity firms are buying them up, or like, foreign money

is just stashing their money in. So I think it's on ethical, because I rent, because I want to rent. Like, I can, I can put, you know, if I wanted to, I can purchase inexpensive homes somewhere, but I don't want everything that comes with that. Yeah, I want to rent. I want to have some of that flexibility.

Yeah, that if there's a problem in my bill, they'll fix it. Like I live in a condo. I rent, I don't have to take care of anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. I enjoy that. And that's true. And I've thought about this too, of anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. No, and that's true. And I've thought about this too,

because I kind of thought about, what if I buy a place and like, I would, if it's, I kind of wanted to get multiple apartments and I was like, well, I have the same thing, like would I be a landlord? Cause it's just like, cause one day I thought about it like, I'd like my family to move it.

Kind of honestly, like, you know, fucking immigrant style. Where it's like, it would be nice if my brother, cause why have one brother, him and his wife, maybe they might move to New York someday, it would be nice. Or I have, you know, my best friends who are like, fucking what if L this moves in? What if my friend that, you know, she used to live here, she's in Baltimore, she might come back someday.

And so I guess two things about the uneth, I see what you're saying about the unethical thing also think about it in terms of Do you just want to do it because it sucks? It is like there's risk involved and also yeah, you don't want to take care of everything You don't want to like kick somebody out if they fucking if they don't pay their rent like there's a lot being a landlord There's a lot of downsides to it, and it'll make you feel fucking shitty. Even if you, and then if it goes well, you're like, damn, I'm kinda like, so she wants to buy a house, but can't afford to.

Right. So she has to do, like it's not like about, it's not like, and not- So I would, I say the way to maybe thread the needle a little bit, is something that I considered, like if I were to buy a place, and it had multiple units,

I literally would go to people that I knew, and would be like like I would say like hey eldest like You know that doesn't make for like a good landlord I'm not trying to make money though. That's what I was asking you. You're trying to take a look at a loss Well not a loss though What if you because people are gonna be you know they're your friends. I was like oh bro I can come up with the rant this year. I'm just telling you the way I could do it Yeah, and what I thought no even, no, even before I was rich. I'm like, my plumbing's still broken.

We got too high with my landlord last night. So I was getting around the fixing F for me. But I guess I kind of think of it more as like instead of landlord and almost like trying to get like communal living going. Which like, because that's the thing about New York is like, it'd be nice if everyone in the building had a bomb and you treated this like your home together Yeah, and it's like you look at it as like well like okay, can you can you cover?

Like I would a charge like not I wouldn't be making money off it I would just charge like that Pro-rated part of the mortgage to be like, you take that part off of my plate, you live there, and then I pay for like, you know, I pay for like, my shit. Yeah, I mean, there's a word for that, it's socialism, but you're trying to bring it to America, and that's fine. But, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think you're like, that's like a do-good, that's like a bill gates, I'm just trying to help. Sure. You know, like, have all bill gates, I'm just trying to help. Sure. You know, like have all the money in the world, wants to help. In her situation, I mean, like, you could, but what you're saying is like, just be a cool landlord.

Yeah, I guess, I guess that is. It's not another go if you're a cool landlord. I ultimately, I think I do agree, because it's also like a, like a lot of immigrants have like, you build a little, you know, you build, you get a little something. Yeah. Because it's like, what are the other options? It's like stocks, like, it's like, all that shit is,

like, you know, exploitive in some way, but yeah, it's like as long as you're, I guess if you have to do it, it's like, yeah. Be cool. Be cool and, Lord, and just like, but it does come with, it does seem fucking annoying too. It is annoying, but you get a house. True. You're right, you get a house. True.

You're right. That's the trade off. You're like a rich guy. I like the things like, why would you want to be this like? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to buy a house? I guess that's true. All right, next question, LD.

Hey, Stubb. I'm an insurance defense attorney in Alabama. I'm making about $80,000 a year, but before I became a lawyer about three or four years ago, I got into some payday installment one debt. Oh, no. And I've gotten a DUI. Oh, fuck. But my firm boarded me through it and uh my brother died of a heroin

What the f**k? A couple years ago and then my friend's brother died of a heroin heroin overdue. It's about a week ago and uh F**k! It's really f**king with me. Yes!

Of course. So to give context, I was in my Gumbry Alabama and my family and friends with my friends live in Auburn, Alabama, which is about an hour away. I'm given a lot of thought to moving back home with my parents for 90 days, no more, no less, and they have enough money and trying to get my drink and under control of their total total lawyers that don't allow drinking in their house. What else have enough money to continue living in and maintaining my current life status. Kind of making me sad and uh...

Oh okay. I guess I wanted to ask, you know, is there a lot of shame and moving home and you're...I'm 36 years old and I make more than my parents do combine, but I kind of need to go home, not for some financial reasons. I don't want to get into it, but there's more you don't want to get into. Like you're opinion on that, if you've ever done that. Yeah, I can definitely let things go.

If you ever gone home for like a month, did it help? Did it not help? And when you left that environment, did the changes stick? Anyway, my name is Oliver and Auburn Alabama. Let's believe his last name. That was a lot of things. That was a lot of things. I'm not sure if you ever gone for like a month. Did it help? Did it not help?

And when you left that environment, did it, uh, did the changes stick? in a career popping off and I watched all the watch your documentary something YouTube of watch your clips and I'm a big fan, but I I know you'll probably chill on me, but I kind of would like your bicep on this. Of course. Maybe because of this whole name on this. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a lawyer from yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, more time.

We got you. We got you brother. First of all, I'd love to thank Elders for asking quite the two questions back to back are what is the moral and ethical? limitations of Of being a landlord and everyone I've ever met has killed themselves and I'm drunk as fuck. I was thinking titties with my other self. And I'm thinking about yeah, maybe spread them out hell this next time you motherfucker. Oh, anyway, okay, but yeah, you are things are going real fucking bad right now and I get that. And I look, I get the, I get the stigma and the shame attached to moving back home, but

you clearly have an aim here, right? And it's not like you are, you know, it's not like shit is going, the stigma usually is like, you know, loser with nothing going on, moves back, you know, has to move back. That's not him though. That's not what's going on with you.

I think what's going on is that you clearly, some bad things have happened, right? And they're pushing you and they've made your, you know, you have a specific problem. It sounds like that you really want to get under control in terms of your drinking. And if that's the case, I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

And I think that's actually very, it's important and it's almost noble to understand that because if it would be very easy, like you said, you could maintain your lifestyle it's fucking Alabama if you have $42 you could fucking rent the penthouse of the fucking most expensive building in that town. So you work, you have a good job, you can maintain your lifestyle and you're going through some shit and it would be easy to kind of really with you know, it would be easy to really, you know, it would be easy to just kind of let your demons

take over and try and like get through all the sadness, you know, the bad way. But you have enough context and you have enough, like, you have enough wisdom at this point of your life to realize that's not going to get you anywhere. So I don't think there's anything wrong with that as long as you are really serious about your goals and you take, you know, you take working on your drinking, it sounds like that's the biggest problem in your life, it will affect as everything else happens that's making you sad, that'll just amplify it.

And I know that to be the case for me too, when I'm my own problems with it's food and drugs for me and food first and foremost when I'm really fucking depressed, but then I'll get really fucked up too. And if I'm going through a tough time and I let those take over, that just makes everything worse. So I think you're right to recognize, if I don't get the shit under control with all the shit I'm dealing with, shit could get really bad for me. The one thing I would say to those, make sure it's the decision you want, because you

say you're saying it like they're total T totalers, they don't allow any drinking in their house. It's got to be that you really want to do it, right? Like if you just move home and you don't want to make a change, if you move home and you're not going there with like a game plan that can be that can be a little dangerous. You're kind of in no man's land potentially about getting stuck and maybe you stay there a little too long. And I wouldn't even put a 90 day thing on it. I would just say it has to truly come from you. What you have some goals you really want to achieve.

When you are on your way, when you have gotten your drinking under control, you can move back. You can go continue your lifestyle, whatever. But there is no shame in moving somewhere. Moving back home to whether it's to save money for something. I definitely moved back home after college. I lived alone for a while. I moved back home, saved up money and go to New York. I couldn't have done that without moving back home. And we're all fucking everyone on this podcast is in a fucking immigrant.

You live with your family until you get married in our in all our cultures Yeah, yeah, so don't don't feel any shame in that and there's actually it's something there's actually something really nice You know we've talked about how we're too close to our family sometimes But something that is really fucking weird about American culture to me is this like Shame of living with your family. Yeah, we don't have that and it's also it's sad because it's like you shouldn't even feel this you should be like I need support who gives me support my fucking family. Yeah, and I think I think for where you are with all the shit you're dealing with it makes total sense and don't feel fucking bad about it.

And just work on your shit though, right? Like you don't wanna get caught in that vortex, but it sounds like shit is going, you have a plan, you're going through a tough time. And even if it's just like fuck, I need to, just not, I need a little extra support because a lot of bad shit has happened in my life. That's totally cool too.

So let us know, call back, give us a fucking update. Let me scroll up on this one, the fuck do these send us? We should fucking do this episode soon. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, this won't come out for you. Set this a month ago and ain't coming out for another month. So hold on for us, buddy. Until we find it,, this comes out.

Hopefully everything's going good, but we're rooting for you. Hopefully, just call us even if you're having an update. Just let us know everything's going all right. Um, all right. We're rooting for you, pal. Go over there, enjoy, uh, you know, move back home to Alabama. We'll send you $18 and that should hold you over

uh... so you get a six month lease will furnished place uh... alright baby hit us hit us out this staff uh... i need your help i'm trying to better myself and i'm trying to figure out which day is the optimal day to be the biggest piece of shit.

OK. What I mean is, let's say, for example, I am a piece of shit just on a Saturday. OK. This is a slippery, slippery slope. As in the Saturday evolves to the Sunday, which then evolves to the rest of the week. Now, if I be a piece of shit on the Sunday, which then falls to the rest of the week. Now, if I be a piece of shit on a Sunday, I am such a piece of fucking shit.

They just rooms last week. So just just wonder if you have any lights and vice on just one to balance out being a piece of shit. We need to talk to you about trying to get your lights together. This is like an eventually lead to being a piece of shit. When you talk about trying to get your life together, this is like an eventually lead to the end of the video. One should be a piece of shit. Really? You did the guy was going to have to deal with the tales of 21st tragic American life.

The fucking opioid issues and life in the rural south. Yeah, I thought I was getting more of this shit too Ian. By the way, we do appreciate your call buddy and we are rooting for you, the guy before this. But when to be a big, a piece of shit. Well, you know, I don't, I mean Saturday is, what do you mean Saturday is a slippery slope? This guy is this was a little too rehearsed He he really lost some steam at the end there

There's really because his logic falls apart instantly because he's like from a piece shit on Saturday That's a slippery slope because then what if I'm a piece of shit Sunday? But then he's like what if I'm a piece shit on Saturday, that's a slippery slope because then what if I'm a piece shit Sunday? But then he's like, what if I'm a piece shit Sunday? I could be a piece shit Monday and it's like, what are you? Yes, that is how that shit works. What is it?

What is a piece of shit? Like that can be so many things. Sure, yeah. I don't, I think he means just getting fucked up, eating like shit, letting your habits, look kind of a cheat day. Yeah. I don't think he means, what day should I hit my children? You know what I mean? I don't think he means what day should I hit my children?

You know what I mean? I don't think he means that kind of because he's definitely Tuesday. Yeah. It's a perfect day. I think with the school Monday, I think it happened at school. You don't want to do it on a week.

I don't know. I think if you hit your kid, you'd want to do it right in the middle. Of the week? Yeah. It's a Tuesday. It's a Wednesday. Wednesday.

Yeah. Well, Tuesday gives you enough time. I mean patient Wednesday. I think I'm day. Yeah, little something. You know, it's usually gives you enough to I mean, Wednesday, if you did, you kids on Wednesday, then they'd be like, well, he was here Monday, Tuesday was fine. Right. If you just did Monday, you're like, he was here yesterday, but I don't remember. Was he good? Or interesting. I think maybe actually if you want to keep, uh, if you want to keep the authorities off you Friday, right after school is

probably the best one. You got the weekend. The weekend did like, exactly. You don't want to leave the authorities off you Friday right after school is probably the best one weekend The weekend did like exactly you don't want to leave any marks But I'm gonna get answer then yeah, yeah, that's sure cuz you're sad you're like I said I was gonna be different than my father You just spend all weekend get. Yeah, so you're right. There's a lot to it So if you're asking about that type of business here, we got you covered, but I think it just means eating a little ice cream and getting drunk. Well, I didn't do whatever you want.

I think Saturday is the best day. That's the little carry into Sunday. Cut it off. Sunday, what, 2 a.m.? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is the thing is like, that's what Saturday's a four. Right, and Sunday's two recoup.

Like this question is like, it's ridiculous. There's literally a weekend that's set is set up structurally for you. The the American work week is right gives you the example. Right. They do it Saturday. Yeah. Unless you have unless you have a non-traditional job in which case find your Saturday and do it then. Like we work on weekends but then we are pieces of shit on the weekend where we work too. Yeah. Very few jobs you get to also get fucked up afterwards and try to fuck. Just try to fuck the people that you're in the same room.

Yeah, it's not. It's madmen's over. What a shame. What do you think? One more time for one more of my friends? Yeah, I can do one more. You got to go. I can do one more you gotta go I can do one more. All right cool Try not to try not to be about anyone can't themselves. So this maybe just something lighthearted Yeah, I was just wondering if I could get some advice about how to Less desperate when I'm trying to lay Okay, this guy talks like a family guy character. A couple women and it just seems like they can smell the desperation that I just wanna know. We can smell it now. I'm not packed.

Like I really need a puffed enough. You know, thanks Bobby. I would say don't use this breathy whisper that you're using with us right now. Yeah, I would say there's no hope for this. If I had to push the, I would sew it shut after listening to you for 15 seconds. So we gotta do.

Like I said, we're not gonna be bullies. Yeah. Like, we learned our lesson and not to be gone. He's like a lot of pus on the sewage shut. You just get the fucking, I would open up that cookie basket that every fucking mom kept all our suing equipment in. Okay, buddy, well look, this is a classic question.

It's tough. There is a little bit of fake it till you make it here, you know, and- You got to act like you've been there before. You do got to act like you've been there before. It was just, you know, easier said than done. you've been there before you do got act like you've been there before it was just you know Easier said than done you never been there if you've ever been there But try and remember when it was like when you got pussy that helps visualize it the secret but not in public Yeah, yeah, he's hard. He's hard at the date

Now okay, are you just trying to get laid? Are you just simply trying to fuck? Cause we could, you know, Ian's high school method is a good way to, and this is what I did too, don't get me wrong, I'm not on me to keep pointing you out. My first time I had sex, it was like, somebody I dated in college, cause I didn't have the guts to make a move,

so I formed a deep bond with someone and it felt natural. You know, we found love and it was natural. Do you want to do that? That's a possibility. But if you're just trying to bust a nut and you're like, how do I seem less desperate? Either fake it, be a good actor, pretend like you're not desperate. Yeah. Don't bring up sex, neither. Like, don't bring up sex with these ones. Because he said they could smell the desperation. He's probably bringing up sex. It's true, yeah, yeah. Or like the, don't bring it up, but also don't let it barely be underneath the surface.

You know what I mean? Like, I love, yeah, no, I actually love the unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Do you wanna come watch it? Yeah. You know, like, you know, it's not, don't bring it up, but also don't make it obvious. How about things where you think you're being slick,

they could, they know it. Yeah, they're not being slick. They know it. Maybe beat off so that the, it's in medium size. I don't know. I do not, that is some of the worst things you could possibly do. You do not,

where you can smell the circumcision on you. The recent circumcision. You're gonna wanna beat off so that you have less immediate, you're less immediately horny. Even I find myself sometimes where I'm like, I'm just texting someone, I'm like, oh, we gotta hang out, just like saying crazy shit. I beat off, and then you'd wire down with it.

Exactly, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I call Verizon. I need a block. yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I call Verizon I'm like I need a new phone I need a block I need a permanent block on this particular number um um now the other thing you could do you're very desperate and I don't know what you're

what sexual arena you're this particular guy is in but we all know there's a ballpark of the types of people we can fuck easily Or who we who we were trying to fuck or who we are trying to maybe you're trying to aspire to something better and get a higher quality person You need to get lower whatever you are get one degree lower Lower for yes exactly Cure desperation by just bust in a couple nuts. That's true. The other whatever they are Do not go to the dark do not do not I'm not the best You got so many fuck bucks do not do if don't bus for money. It will only make it worse

Do what do but fuck somebody ugly easy, you know with no money That's kind of what I'm saying is like you got to take a couple practice swings, you got to get, you know, like if you haven't done stand up in six months, let's say. Yeah, you go to the standing room. Yeah. Alright, you're going to a shitty little club. Yeah. You don't go to fucking, you don't go do a theater show.

No, your first show's not a theater show. I can tell, they can smell that you're not ready. Exactly. So fuck somewhere that's bad. You know, fuck someone who you don't care about. Yes. The light maybe she doesn't care about you either. Maybe it's just obvious.

But look, get lower than where you are and where you want to be. Because you got to get there, right? Like you go, you haven't been to the gym. You can't start fucking bench pressing your personal best. The first day. Work your way up. You got to work your way up.

So that's another thing. Fuck people that are easier to fuck, who don't care that you're desperate maybe. That's a possibility. There you go, I think we, I think we, yeah, I mean, that's a good, I think we told our boy what he needed to do. So, you know, good luck, let us know, Phyllison.

That is gonna do it for us this week folks. Ian, plug all your shit. Where are you gonna be go see my boy life He's fucking hilarious and go watch the special if you haven't already Brother, yeah, watch the special is on HBO Max in allow romantic comedy next year I'm going back on the road in January. I got the Denver improv first weekend of January I got laughs unlimited in Sacramento. I got the comedy at Ann Arbor at the beginning of February. The December comedy for Dr. Green's Grand Rapids, Michigan. It's on on enlarallive.com, check me out, I'm going all over.

Go check them out, follow them everywhere, watch the special. Call in if you want us to give you advice in a future show, 904 800, stop, 904 800, stop. Elders is probably flashing it across the screen as we speak isn't that right L.D. And we will be back next week. Thank you guys. Talk to you soon. Bye. Thank you brother. Thank you. Thank you. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries.

So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal.

This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.