Stavvy's World - Mark Normand

Episode Date: March 6, 2023

Mark Normand joins the podcast to talk about getting married, attending the Super Bowl on shrooms, meeting Guy Fieri, and getting expelled from school. Mark and Stav help callers including a gay man who finds himself increasingly attracted to women and a man wondering if he can propose to his girl with a ring he previously proposed to someone else with.Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld for exclusive Patreon-only episodes.

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Ah, there we go. Welcome back to Stompies World, everyone. 904 800, Stav, Colin, leave a message. We'll answer all your questions. We got my boy Mark, Mark Norman in the mix. We got Eldis, day two of getting over his food poisoning. Oh, shit, you mess. No, no, I said two dinners on early Valentine's day and night. Oh, yeah. And he tempted the gods. The second he started feeling okay, tell, yesterday he could barely fucking function.

Tell Mark what your breakfast was today, Eldis. I had like a biscuit sandwich with eggs and cheese and some aioli sauce on it. But a mayo on that. And a biscuit, not even like a slice of whole wheat or like a hearty bagel butter and flour Your toilets like woo ha toilet in there. Yeah, the studio toilet. We don't let it in the hole. Yes, use it anymore. Because of what? Because of what eldest has done to it. You're like the guy ruins the bus toilet. Now he can't shoot on the bus. Because eldest ain't a biscuit sandwich. Oh, the food poisoning.

One 100%. You for sure ruin some public restrooms for people. You're on the phone, but you're running those restops. of the game guys like I can't blow you in here You're trying to suck each other off and you got for remnants of a Chipotle burrito and a kiddo burrito back to back in there Change it brands You'll he'll do that. I was just in Costa Rica. We did like a little day trips, Norcaling And we went to this little island and the toilets out there like it was so weird You had to pay a dollar and there's like this Woman out there who can't speak in the English, but she was like you know clean I clean

And I go in there A little lever like no water No water This is gonna clean this up after that's the hardest dollar. She's ever made in her fucking that is a horrible exchange rate a dollar for an Eldish shit. It's just not worth it man. Once again the white man ruins That is that's a beautiful metaphor for American colonialism He's out this coming in there and really getting his money's worth for that dollar. That's a bar of some small bucks. That's all right, I respect.

God damn it. Well, all right, we'll just try and keep it together, sipping his second coffee of the day, even with a fucking fucked up stomach, but he'll get, he's a trooper. He'll be able to run the boards. He'll be able to press a couple buttons. Like you have two dinners. Is it like a side piece thing? Uh, kind of a long, because he's fat as shit. There's no long story.

There's a kind of a long story. Fat story short. I don't normally do this. Oh yeah, okay. That's right. That's right. Yeah, let's go get him. Let me add a character. I'm gonna get him.

That's what Mark says before he doesn't use a condom. Oh, I don't normally. This is not me. Fuck, man. Well, thanks for coming to a story, buddy. Thanks for coming to the pod. Thanks for having me. We are out there. This is a whole other world. I've never been to this area.. Thanks for coming to the pod. Thanks for having me. We are out there.

This is a whole other world. I've never been to this area. Yeah, that's crazy. Crazy. I love a story, dude. We were just talking. It's nice here, man. I like Greek people.

I like to hear, there's literally an old couple across the street that just like the guy, he's just this faddled Greek guy who sits on a stoop all day. And he just yells to his Greek wife upstairs and they have like a little fucking pulley system Fucking sense of drinks down from the third floor He's just saying he doesn't let any teenagers like loiter. Yeah, like like a kid sat down to like drink a soda for a second. He's like, hey, this is not cafeteria

sat down to drink a soda for a second. He's like, hey, this is not cafeteria. It's like, meanwhile, he's out on his stupid fucking day. It's the best. Is it we're connecting eyes? Well, then be like, shit, my future. Yeah, you're seeing it all the time, machine. Oh my God, if that's my future, I would take that right now. Oh, yeah.

My destiny is to be fatter shit. You're waiting to die, right? You know what I mean? It's like, I still wanna live right now. But it's like, once that's gone, once that pesky feeling's gone, and I could just get fucked up all the time, be it like shit without the guilt.

I still do it, but I'm like, this is, I'm going to die. Then it's like, I can't wait all my friends are dead. You know what I mean, right? You know, I don't love my wife anymore. What do I, my kids don't respect me because they found the come town and early stand up and archive.

So it's like, they don't look me in the eyes. Their wives don't like me. You know what I mean? It's like, what do I have to, it's just me and my boys getting fucked up on my stoop. Right. You know, that's the dream. That sounds great.

Go out. You don't wanna fuck anymore? You're free from that too. I know, Jesus. Once your dick doesn't work, that's like truly dick pills, people are like, you know, I'll use a dick pill when I really want to razzle that. Sure, sure.

I got it in my back pocket for a nice time. Doing overtime. Exactly, and people will be like, come on man, you're young, you shouldn't be using dick pills. I contend we should let our dicks die at around 50, 60. Naturally. Because that's your free. Yeah.

You don't want to be fucking old. Lange don't want to fuck you. They want to bake a pie. You want to whittle. We should still be trying to get pussy. You know, at least definitely set, like the really old motherfuckers, they're totally chemically needed to get pussy. You're right. You know, at least step, definitely step, like the really old motherfuckers. Yeah.

You truly chemically need it to get their dictionary. Sure. Those old folks homes, I hear are just fuck fest. Yes, exactly. And they have like a lot of STDs going around there. It's insane. Yeah, that's the one place where I'm like, all right, if you're in one of those.

Go nuts. There you fuck. You're on the store. But if you're just, you know just dying in a cardigan in a home in the old lazy boy, like that's, you don't want to fuck. You want to eat desserts, you want to be free from pussy, from the whole that pussy has over your life, which is crazy.

It's crazy. It's insane. Even recently I should have had a nice night rest. Yeah, the big day ahead of me Pussy takes a lot of time and I get it I get a text from a girl I had hooked up with a couple years ago Who would just like broken up with her boyfriend? Oh nice, and it's like well first of all I'm honored. Yeah, then I'm the go-to You know free, you know no strings, you know, no strings attached penis. That's a great position. That's a great position.

But, full, I had a couple podcasts to do. Yeah. I think you're ready for the road. I'm up till three watching Milf Manor. I'm getting my dick sucked. Sure. It's like, it was great, it was a great time, but it's like, fuck. Yeah.

Now, that effect was felt for days after that of course That well that's the definition of adulthood. It's like can I squeeze in some clown 20s it was just let's go yeah, you don't need the yeah, you didn't have anything to do and your body bounce back Yeah, and now it's like yeah. But I'm with you. Let the dick die. Let the dick die. Be a nice old guy. Right.

Doesn't worry about fucking just gets to each desserts. Does the stuff that is going to kill you? Yes. Because it's coming either way. Exactly. The little misunch on the guys doing heroin. Yes. I'm that with desserts.

That's my heroin. It's like an old lady who fucking still smokes. It's's like yeah, let her smoke. Right. She's 80 who cares She made it this far. I would say the same for Biden. Let the guy go I It's like no, he's done. I want whatever super-adderall they put into him Dude that cocktail it must be the exact is the photo negative of whatever they killed Michael Jackson, is like what's keeping Biden alive. It's like he was on Downers, Biden's on uppers.

And that, take those two together, you're probably levitating, dude. You can probably see into the future if you take MJ and Biden's cocktails together. Meanwhile for him, it just brings him right up to normal, you know? just barely. Barely, because he's still like, uh, honestly, it's, yeah, yeah.

It's a really interesting like experiment in how, like, just keeping someone alive that shouldn't be, or like keeping them in the public eye, because it's like, you look at a fucking video of Joe Biden when he was even running for Vice President and he is one of the most well-spoken men in the world. Right. And then you see him now and it's like it is kind of, it's actually pretty funny that he's president. Yeah. Because it's like every other president it's like, that's the air of competence. And with Biden it's like all right we don't.

That's all fake. Of course. Of course. Of course. We just had to put someone up, like, Comma-Laud, can't fucking do it. I know. You know, mayor Pete's a fucking loser. It's like, just like, no one had to saw us

except Bernie who they fucking sabotaged because God forbid everybody get healthcare. But if all the mainstream Dems, it's like, all right, fuck it, let's inject Biden with some fucking awesome drugs and have him just be like, we all need a fair shot. And fucking rocks. Did you watch the state of the union? No, Lebron was going to break the scoring record.

Oh, that's like that. There was whoever scheduled that again another genius. Genius. They were probably like look LeBron, we're gonna need you to do it on this night. Yeah, get the eyes off Joe. He's no more eating yang than this black guy and the like peak physical condition scoring points. So that is old white guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just grizzled and seen and all and done. Yeah, truly a whole layer. I mean, I've talked, I had a like a little bit about it, but it's like Biden really is the he's had the most awesome career where it's like He was just like he got to be center of the shittiest state of all time Delaware

Yeah, who gives a fuck about that. I forgot it was Delaware has never done shit No, you're the fucking most successful Paula the second most famous person Delaware is Ian finance Oh, you're the fucking most successful, Paula. The second most famous person from Delaware is Ian Finans, Joe Biden. That's the fucking, that's the bar, Joe Biden clear. He gets to be Senator. Then he gets caught plagiarizing JFK speeches over and over again. Did he? Yes, he was trying to run for President in the like 80s and he kept doing it.

He did it like three times. I don't know. Yeah, yeah. So then he goes back into the Senate and it's like, fuck it, did it like three times i don't know yeah yeah so then he goes back into the senate and like fucking i'm not going to be president is the is one of the like sponsors of one of the most racist fucking crime bills of all time he's calling black teenager super predators well this is like in the 90s he threw some n-bombs around too. Oh, of course, come on. Yes, of course. That's my alarm at all. That's my alarm.

Yeah, I'm just my friend. Yeah. And then, and then, he's, so he does all that shit, he's just kind of thought of as a fucking joke, a dumb ass. Yeah. And then Obama is running for president, and they're like, we need someone racist like, like, how about goofyofy S. racist Joe?

Yeah. And then Hillary's not just the worst candidate in the history of all time. Yeah. That she loses to Trump's dumbass. Right. And now they're like, ah, fuck, well, people like Bernie, but that would be a problem

for everybody who pays us. So why don't we get fucking the corpse of Joe? And he just luxusly went into being president. It's he's the man, dude. He's had the sickest life of all time, except his son getting fucking brain cancer and his other son fucking that guy's wife. He's been doing crack.

Yeah, true, but he might be the funnest party on the pub. For sure. Look, if you look at my laptop, this bad news in there. Hunter, Hunter, if you're listening listening come do stavis world play we would love to have you on stop is working with me anyway damn I didn't I didn't mean to get a stavis politics corner just to start the fucking this is typically not what the show but you know fuck it was fun to shit on Joe Biden here for a second yeah you know it's you know you live like a block from a school. Yes, I went and did a couple pull-ups on the

The jungle gym and some lady goes hey get out of here True story right more Randy Dornell is running from a school getting a pump in 39-year-old guy just going for it. Have you ever been have you ever been kicked out of a school in other contexts? Well, I've been Suspended and expelled Okay, all right. We'll take that I peed all over the bathroom one time and like peed on the The the toilet paper. Okay. Oh, wow classic. Yeah the the toilet paper. Okay.

Oh wow, classic. Yeah. That's a better for that. That's just a suspension though. I wrote a don't have a cow. A class of Simpson. A class of Simpson. I was like 12 and this teacher thought I was talking about her.

And so she was like, that's a fat joke. You're like, wow, no. It's a part Simpson, so I got to spend it for that. Wow. Wow, early on you've been dealing with cancel culture more Your jokes have been taken out of context by annoying fat women What about what's the expulsion? I had sex with a screenwriting teacher in film school.

Yeah. I mean, that's... Both of those stories are just... That's all you need to know about you. Oh, yeah. It's the getting... It's someone misconstruing a joke to get you into trouble and then you fucking someone you're not supposed to.

That's... She did it. She She put the the feelers out there. How was that her house? It was a whole thing. Wow, and this, because you moved here for films or no? Yeah, I was here. Here, here, here. Okay. But they found out and they were like, you gotta go. Wow, in college.

Yeah. What the fuck, that's, I know, it was a Vage, but they're like, you're fucking the staff. I think she got in trouble as well. Yeah, she should have gotten in trouble for sure. But it was all hot, consentuals. I'm still in touch with her. Wow. Have you fun just since then?

We're riding a movie together. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That is incredible, dude. Getting kicked out for fucking your teacher as a grown man is fucked up. It was kind of like, just, you gotta go. It wasn't like, you're out of here.

It was like, that was weird. You know, it's weird. We all know about it. The vibes are fucked up. Yeah. I talked about it on Ari's thing. This is not happening. Oh really? So I got weird. Whatever. Fuck that. These motherfuckers haven't seen it. You can you can tell us. I'm interested. So she was just like, he should was it the classic like, oh, you need you need help with your screenplay, you should come. It was so great, I mean, I've told the story of Babash. But I'll just give you the short version. Give me the short version, yeah.

She was a quirky screenwriter like Miss Fritz, you know, Kookie Earing, some wacky dress, Beehive hairdo, you know, she was all like a kind of like an Amy Sederis tie. Oh, nice. And she was pretty and all that and I was living in crown height. There's some nice pussy under some quirk. Yeah. You ship away at the layers of fucking chotch keys and fucking an asymmetrical glasses. And you're

getting some nice pussy under there. Yeah. Yeah. That was poking out underwear. What's that lady's name? Who's it? All the wacky Christopher guest movies? Roe. Oh shit. She's kind of hot. Oh Parker Posey. Yes, you had a Parker Posey time. That's next level. That's awesome. So I was living in Crown Heights I was broke. I was an open-micro and I said I don't have a shower. I'm I haven't showered like three days four days And I just put talking to her small talk to you guys you can shower my place, but I'm having shower in like three days, four days. And I just put talking to her, small talk to you guys, you can shower my place, but I'm having a dinner party. So you gotta get in and get out. I was like, you got it, yes man.

You literally didn't have a shower. You had was all cold. It was like a dinner winner. It was only cold water. We had no hot water. Oh my God. Where are your roommates in that? This guy's X Sims.

Okay. And our landlord, Dynavates. Fun fact. She's doing it. So I can't really complain with a guy. He eats out. He's like, I didn't notice. He shivering.

He's fucking emaciated. I'm sorry, Mark. It's been negative two degrees for me since 1989. So she was like, a shower, my plan. I said, I'll get'll get in I'll get out you won't even know I'm there and I get over there I got a bag of clothes I smell like shit, and she's like she's got pot's going on the stove crazy Place settings candles the whole table is decked out Great apartment right by the train the L train okay, and

Great apartment right by the train the L train okay and So we start flourishing have a glass of wine you got a couple hours. I was like okay We're talking and I'm just like I gotta get in that shower, you know, you know, you got people I was trying to be a good guest. Yeah, and we were kind of hitting it all. I was in the shower like am I gonna? No, she got people come I got the shower. We have another glass of wine. No one shows up and we had a bang in all night. Wow, all crazy. Not even a there was no dinner party. Never happened. Wow. So I don't even know if she lied or No one showed or what? Wow. You still clue. You think she fucked a bunch of students? Probably. Yeah That's her move. She's like is it a dinner party you open up a pot just boiling water? Nothing in it

But she ended up actually liking you. She's like, oh let him fuck a couple times. It's like that this is a dinner party. You open up a pot, just boiling water, nothing in it. She's like, yeah, but she ended up actually liking you. She's like, oh, let him fuck a couple times. It's like that scene in hook. You're like, yeah, you're doing it. You're doing it, Peter, let's do the food there. If you made her come of mashed potatoes, what a fucking popped up. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha's my guess. He said, this was her move to fuck young impressionable screenwriters and she's like, there's a dinner party and she had fake pots, but you were good enough that,

because that's a nice out. Grab someone to get at, like, look, and they're gonna be thankful too, because they're like, they don't think it's a possibility. Exactly. So to get that, they're telling this story, let alone, she's a mastermind of you know getting cock She's not supposed to genius genius. She had to I mean it was elaborate the set up like

The folded napkins with the holder and all the silver fork and the salad fork and all that did you ever get to the bottom of that? No, never I was so impressed That's incredible. I've oh wow. I wish I've ever fucked an authority figure I don't think ever there was a there was definitely a professor where I was like in college I was like if she was if we kind of could Benjamin button it yeah in the middle here you know when you're flirting with an old lady and you're like sure I think I would get my dick sucked by the 65 year old and I'm nine I'm 19 but she's just so

She's just fun. You know she's just great. Yeah, and she kind of kept old. And I'm 19, but she's just so, she's just fun, you know, she's just great. And she kind of kept it together and I'm thinking damn, you give me 15, you give, you minus 15 from her, we're in the business, we're in the business here. Well there is this weird kind of cross section, we're like, who's a gal, you could probably fuck Pam Anderson in 10 years. Right, right, right.

And then you'll be where you are. So you guys could have an access where you could use the points to collide. Absolutely. I'm trying to fuck Pam Anderson now. I would definitely fuck that. Without question, out of respect. Hell yeah.

Out of respect for how the media treated her when they were sexualizing her. I want to sexualize you in a cool, fun way where we have a nice time. And hey, you're not. Yeah. You've never fucked an older lady, have you, Elders? No.

What? They're the best. Yeah. Never that old. I don't think anyone over like 30s even knows that my 20s or whatever. When I first came to New York and I don't think I've told this story, this is a problem. We like, because I'm on the, you know, I'm on the road so much so you have to do them all on once. But I don't think I've told, and this podcast is new,

so I don't know what the fuck I've said on it and what I'm in. But when I first came to New York and I was, I was probably what, 26, and this girl was 39. So at the time that was like, there was something there. And yeah, we just had a, we had a dated, eldest of spot, night of joy, you put me under that. I'm fresh, it's in Williamsburg, I'm fresh to the city.

I'm getting no pussy whatsoever. And I'm just, yeah, me and this girl, and we have one date, it goes good, and then we get fucking high as shit. And this is like in the very early days of the weed oil pens. Ah yeah. Everyone takes them for granted now,

but you know, eight years ago, nine years ago, those will change your world. Totally. And one of those gets you fucking out of control. I, we were supposed to go see fucking Captain America or some gay bullshit. I can't believe that was what the date was gonna be. But we just went, we like met up,

we smoked this thing, we both got so high, we go back to her place to just like I don't know find the tickets to Captain America Oh wow and we and I just fucking I I eat this girls this fucking ladies pussy It was the first time I encountered a squirt or I eat her pussy on her couch and Dude this bitch is squatting One for all our own couch, yeah. That's the only way I've made a woman squirt.

Oh really? A nice finger popping and a roll. You gotta go up. Yeah, of course, of course. My cock, I think, actually, you know what? One time, I made a girl squirt with my penis and that felt like, I honestly felt like I had superpowers. And it obviously had nothing to do with me.

She had one of the best, her pussy was like playing a tutorial in a video game. And it was like, you can kill all the enemies so easy. Just trying to teach you how to win the game. You know what I mean? It was so easy. It was incredible. Oh, that's the best. It was small.

It was small as shit. She was like this tiny Asian girl. Small as shit. Yeah, yeah, it was awesome. She was a wet market. Incredibly hot. Yeah, it was awesome. She was in the wet market. Incredibly hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's, but I made a girl's square just by eating whatever. But yeah, this was the first time I encountered it and I was like confused and I'm high as shit. Yeah. And I'm also eating her pussy for so long because you get high. You get so high, I was for, I forgot.

Time is weird. What a dude. I literally was, the only reason I knew is because my fucking shoulder from being like My shoulder starts cramping I'm a bad girl. I have a football injury Oh, really I really play through the pain if I'm a reading your pussy and it's been good No, it's hurt right before you're about to come now

Did you have the glasses on because that would help the the score? I don't think so. I don't think so. No glasses. Oh damn. And this is, you know, no mustache, shaved head. I'm aerodynamic. I'm probably, I'm probably 80 pounds lighter than I am now when I first moved. Is that how you lost the tooth?

It was like, the silhouette. It was right in your jaw. No, but no joke the first time I recognized that something was wrong with my tooth was with a girl sitting on my face Whoa Telling to Dennis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah What's wrong with my tooth just a little too much pussy and pal? You know what you got to do next time a girl sits on your face. It's go. It's not a cafeteria

Anyway, so that's the closest I've ever gotten to I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious.

I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious.

I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. I'm serious. Oh, yeah. So it was one of those, it's like, look, lady, we're gonna figure this out if it happens. But I think she got, she kinda, she was like, come inside me, which, you know, now is a big red flag.

For someone's begging you to bust in them, it's like, I can't do this, but back then, it's like one of the hottest things you've ever heard in your life. Moved in New York, some red head with huge tits. Or huge freckle tits or fucking, is begging you to bust inside her. Was it Tinder?

It was, you know, this was so long ago, I believe it was okay, cute. Whoa. Oh, Christian girl. Yeah, no, no, where you fucking, like we met on a laptop. Yeah, yeah. That's wild. That's wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that was the first, that was maybe the only good pussy I got the first year I was in New York, because I was so depressed. You know that first year in New York, you wanna kill yourself. Oh, dude, what do you kid me? Yeah, no heat, no, they lay,

they say they were broken. I got mug three times the first year. Really? True story. Wow. Do you have a history of muggings, like in New Orleans, were you getting mugged? New New Orleans better, so it was better at navigating,

but I didn't know the city. So I was in Brooklyn twice in Brooklyn once in Hell's Kitchen, and I was asking for it. Like I was a sitting duck, I was black. Plankin' money. I was black and money. Yeah, blacked out. Yeah, exactly. Like one time I had ear buds in, in crown heights,

and everybody's like, what are you doing? There's a white one too. I was like, an iPod. So I was always asking for it. Never been mugged, man. Even in Baltimore, yeah. We've had, Elders, you've never been mugged too big. No, just a car break in and it's not too bad. Yeah, yeah, never mugged man even even in Baltimore. Yeah, we've had playing elders. You've never been mugged too big No, just the car break in and

Car broke it. Yeah, yeah, never mugged. Yeah, that's the thing It's like if you're just like if you're fat or tall or whatever. It's like Just go for it go for somebody a little easier. You just never know. Yeah. Yeah, some little got some little drunk guy Come on give it back Yeah, exactly, little drunken back down and he was like, don't worry, you'll turn right back around. He was like, cool about it. Why I just walked you through your own mugging at his hands.

Yeah, exactly. That's nice. No mugging in your own is good for you, man. Nothing, nothing. It was cool to, by the way, the wedding was fucking awesome. It was good forever. Oh, that's a comment. Of course, it was a fucking blast.

And you pushed through sober. Yeah, that's a comment. Of course, it was a fucking blast. And you pushed through sober. Yeah, well, I did end up doing mushrooms. Yeah. Yeah. I ended up doing mushrooms, but yes, I was on a little sobriety kick. But you know, mushrooms, whatever you're gonna do with some. Yeah, that's natural.

I did it with the wedding too. Yeah. I was passing around like Santa Claus. My dumb niece who's nine is like, what's in your pocket? I was like, scram. And she was like, and you know, talking to my mom.

He's got something in his pocket. I was like, what's in your pocket? I was like, look, I'm married now. Leave me the fuck alone. Get my adults. That was awesome. It was very fun. That must have been nerve-wracking for you to have all these different worlds come together.

We're weird. We're weird. I feel like you're a very segmented motherfucker where you've told a lot of lies to people. Exactly. And you don't want, and you want people to be comparing notes and being like, wait a second. You know, I was like, I thought you were single.

Yeah. That's it. You know, I was like, I thought you were single. Yeah. That's it. Well, I was thinking the other day, you know what I love? Mango the fruit. I love its sweet, its delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango, pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely.

That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad. You know, many times I've gotten sucked off, be like, this actually, one time after a day, I was like, wanna come back with some fruit salad? And I thought it was smooth, and then some girl after she fucking was like,

that was so weird, you asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't drunk, I wasn't drinking at the time Well, they say mangoes are an effort easy. Yeah. Well, here's the thing I'll thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango and I've oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right Afterwards, yeah, and I was thinking to myself What if this mango made my dick hard?

What if this mango made my dick hard? You know? I was like, now that would be something else. That'd be awesome. And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game. You know I'm a dick pill evangelist, eldest. You know I'm an ED. I've tried them all from the gas stations to other services.

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I've never heard of oxytocin before my life, but let me tell you this. Made my dick harder than ever. We're talking zwing. You know, when they take out a sword and it goes, yeah, that's how I felt putting my day, taking my dick out of the condom. It was like unsheathing my hardcock. It was pure metal. I had some mango Rx, bro. Shining in the light.

Yes, one little gleam. One little gleam when I turned my dick a little bit. Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first. I don't know, yeah, cause like I said, I've done a bunch of them. And they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow. They got all kinds of science shit in here. They're making them taste delicious.

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And look, make America hard again. I think on what, whatever side of the aisle you're on, conservative liberal leftist centrist, you could, we could all use a harder dick. Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks, all this division in the world would go away, eldest. I think this is such a good product, eldest. I think you might have to change your long-standing opinion on ED medication in general because look, here's the thing about mango orics, you might not need it, but you're gonna want it

pal. Yeah. All right. I know I've spoken about it a lot, but I am excited to try this one. Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor. Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend. The dissolving factor and the yummy taste do make me very impressed. You see me take edible stuff for- That's sure, just because you want it a little dummy. You've got to have a snack

because that's so much wine to get high as well. I've seen you take weed adibles, I've seen you take fiber adibles where you're shitting yourself because you wanted a momentary, a momentary snack. I've seen you take thums on an empty stomach just because you wanted the taste and that's how we got elders through the door here with mango rx. It's easy folks. Buying mango is so easy.

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I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious,

get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms, and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me.

And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Yeah, that was tough. That is hard. You got to really do some juggling. It's like Marie condo over here. I'm like, Carp compartmentalizing. But I think we're introverts. I know we're comedians that we like to get laughs until jokes on stage, but the amount of attention is so uncomfortable. That's specific kind of attention. Yes. When I was at the altar, I wanted

to kill myself. Oh, I could tell. It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. It was probably the most uncomfortable I've ever seeing you to get showered with that much like Loving positivity totally I had so many zingers in my pocket, but I had to stifle all of them And then I thought I was good and then we did that dumb thing with the sparklers Yeah, I just felt so bad you guys had to hold though. That was cute Sparklers at the end just felt so bad you guys had to hold Though that was cute. I know but I hate it It feels so unearned at least with a joke you earn it You know you think a joke is more work than a loving relationship with someone you're gonna be with forever

No, I think that's more work. Yeah. Yeah, that's what that's what I'm saying. Oh, it's like you deserve That's what I'm saying jokes easy. Yes, that's hard. That's takes the sprinklers. That's what I'm saying. Take the sprinklers. You know what I mean? Enjoy the you know enjoy the but I do I there is something to like a big event. I don't know I mean you know weddings different but it's like even as like career or like a big show or a big something I always always have a weird like negative hangover after it. Where it's like, like going back to like, I'm an open-micro and see and smith,

who was like, he's from, you know, just. He was huge in DC. He was from DC and he got me a spot of fucking, what's that show in? Big hunt? No, no, no, here in New York. Oh, big terrific. No no in here in New York. Oh big terrific no flash no it was the one yeah it was um cabin you're almost there's the only other one

that's that was pretty good at the time. Oh they're all gone. Marianne Ways booked it. Oh not butter boy. The one before butter boy. Why it's an act show. Yes. Why it's an act show. Why it's an act show. Nitrain. Big show. Big show. It was a big show and I'm an open-micro and I do well at a festival and see it and shout out to him.

He just kind of, you know, told me to come do a show, got me on it. And you know, when you're some fucking open-micro in Baltimore, coming to do one of the big shows in New York, it was like a career highlight. Of course. You think you're gonna get discovered? This is it.

I'm gonna make it. I do just okay, but it's still cool. And I remember being kind of depressed after that where it was like, fuck dude. And that same thing, even after the special, which special felt so good to get in the can, and it was good. And whatever, other cool shit happens.

I always have a weird, I don't know if it's like how, you know, the postpartum depression shit where it's like you have a kid and I think that's more chemicals when you're pregnant. But like, I don't know. So I don't know if it's like, I told you get that.

I don't know if there's like, if there's something to that with the wedding or the, or such a big event, when you're building up to it, then it happens and then you're just like, it's over. It's over. It's so weird how it all culminates.

It's kind of like a Christmas morning. You're like, here we go. And then you look out for after five seconds, it's all wrapping paper. It sucks. It sucks. It sucks. Yeah, look at that.

Oh my god. How do I get out of here? It's like, oh man. Which is horrible wiring. Why did God set that up? Or however? I think probably because if you were really having a good time after you busted, you would be like pray

for like a fucking somebody smash your head in. Or I, because like most of sex when you're a caveman is like you fucking, you fucking tackle a lady and run against her will, you fuck somebody's wife. You know what I mean? You need to feel, you're in danger when you bust. As a caveman. Good point, you're in danger when you bust. As a caveman. Good point, you're vulnerable.

You're super vulnerable. If you're sitting there like, that was some nice cave pussy. You're gonna get your shit split. You gotta be like, oh fuck where am I? I'm in a different tribe, I'm just fuck the chief's daughter. I'm not even supposed to be here. That's why the Vikings kicked ass. They got in, they got in.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They pillaged. Oh, they pillaged. What is pillage? I think it's everything but rape. When you take over something, because the term is rape and pillage. Yeah.

And Vikings were certainly helping themselves to everything, in the village. But yeah, dude, I don't know. The wedding was fucking off. I mean, it was a great event. In the village. But yeah, dude, I don't know. The wedding was fucking awesome. I mean, it was a great event. It was awesome to see everybody. And it was very interesting to just see all the different people. Because you had like your high school friends, you had your family.

Right. That was fucking awesome. It's fun seeing my high school friends annoy the comedian friends. Yeah. They're like, hey, Sam Marille, I love your special. Yeah, and he's like, oh, thanks, thanks. They're like, how do you come up with all that? Yeah, I'm a little bit alone.

No, that is very interesting. Yeah, you think about, it is a very, your world's our separate just kind of by, just how it goes. It's like, especially when you move, especially when you do something that's like such a niche job. Totally, and with comedy, you go all in.

Like you moved into New York. You have to get to know everybody and make friends and build a career. And then you go back and you're like, oh, I forgot about all this. Yeah, yeah, these high school guys. And you go back and you're like, wow, this is what life actually should be like.

Yes! That's always a weird thing. Like when I went back, maybe a couple of years ago, I went home and it's like, you know, I'm thinking of my little brothers. And it's like, you know, I'm thinking of my little brothers and it's like, you know, they're married. Right, you know, my brother's talking about having kids and I'm like, you're a kid.

And he's 30. He's a 31 year old, at this point he's 32. Right, and I'm like, I'm like, oh right, he's 32. All his friends have kids. He's the late bloomer in Maryland. Yeah, we're weird and we yeah we're so it's so fucking weird so it's so bizarre but hey I'd rather be here yeah yeah I'd rather be on this sticky Greek couch

shit queens I'm talking to my dumb kid at soccer practice yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah But I get it, you know. It's just different strokes. No, no, no, nice try, nice cop out. Yeah. You heard him, folks. Mark Norman thinks you're all fucking retards. That's how I feel about Greta Thunberg. I keep thinking she's like 11. Oh yeah. She's 20.

She's 20 years old. She has a very little ass kid's face. She does, yeah. And I guess she's been in the public eye since she was like probably 14 at this time. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I believe she's autistic, isn't that right? That's what I heard.

Yeah. Autism don't crack. She still looks young. Autism don't crack is awesome. Yeah, she does have a kid vibe. She does, yeah, yeah. But yeah, Rancor, what is this it? It's crazy. That's spooky. I think, Rancor, what is this it?

It's great, that's smooth. I think she's autistic, which would make sense? Yeah. Because if you're a kid who's like, damn, the world is really going to explode. Like when I'm old, the shit is gonna be going to be gone. It's gonna be gross. If that's what you get, you know,

yeah, she has autism. OCD, yeah dude, if you have autism and OCD and your thing is the climate apocalypse, you're fun. You're fun, it's like a hypocondri. She's probably so sad all the time and she's right. Yeah. Like I said, every young person who's mad

about global warming, I'm like, you guys are right, you're fucked. Yeah. We're the last ones to get AC our whole life. Yeah. Every time a 10, if a 10-year-old was like, you're a fucking piece of shit, you know, you consumed too much, I'd be like,

you got me. Yeah, I'm not even arguing with you, you're fucking right. You're right, I use the AC with the windows down in my car. I've never put the right thing in the bin. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm not doing that bin shit. No.

Because in reality, it's like, come on man. There's probably like, if like one building in China, like took their water down one degree. I know, I know. It's like, it clips us everything I do. If airlines did, if we took less, if like private jets, people didn't use use them like if they use them half as much Yeah, that's everything you've ever recycled

5,000 I'm in too many phone calls with the water running But that's one good thing about Greta she's she um she's the real deal like she'll take a fucking sailboat from Sweden. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the show you aim track and shit like that. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because that's the lowest, that's the best one for the environment is a train.

Yeah, because like half of these, you know, like, Al Gore is taking private jets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely, fuck Al Gore. I wonder what he's up to. I wonder if Al Gore got any side pussy. Oh, yeah. Can you look that up, Eldis?

Who's tipper with his bitch? Al Gore side pussy. A lot of South Park comes up. A lot of man bear pig. Whatever, man. How is it going, man? How's the fucking, how's the, how's, how's married life so far? You know, it's exactly the same. She's a great gal. We got a good thing going. I do the road and it kind of makes this like Weird it's like a relationship saver. Sure because you you miss each other Yeah, they are all the time annoying each other in a tiny New York apartment. Yeah, it's going great anal Wow, she was keeping that until she got the ring Smart move got told you had never fucked in the ass before?

Not her, no. No, yeah. Yeah. That's screenwriting teacher. Yeah. That was, she wrote a human centipede. Yeah. That's the screenwriting teacher.

That's, that's romantic. And they say romance is dead. Yeah. You can only fuck your, you can only fuck your You got a fuck your wife in the ass live of our sheets of brown. Yeah Brown Just fuck your ass You just got so you're fucking all over I mean dude we're the same way Eldest comes with me on the road to oh nice, but it's been fucking wise every weekend. We've been gone. Oh, yeah

It's it's tough, but I don't know you went to the fucking Super Bowl, right? We did four nights in arena that's incredible and then the Super Bowl on Sunday good crew to Burton Shane Shangulous Burke, right sure and Big J. Oh nice. And you know, it's a giant house. It's got a pool, a hot tub, a fucking putt putt. Guy Fieri came by.

No, that's so sick. Yeah, it was wild. Oh dude, he's just burnt. Yeah, food instead of foods. You know. That makes so much sense. Culinary Bert. Yeah. Culinary Bert. Yes, Culinary Bert, exactly.

Guy Ferry fucking rules. I literally was watching some like cooking competition of these hosting and he's got such specific charisma where it's like he comes out with a, what had to be a $100,000 chain on. Like it's the same chain that Anthony Davis was wearing on the Lakers bench. It's like a Cuban with just diamonds, not gold diamonds.

And then another one, he's got this huge pendant and it's like he is one of the only like, what is he, late 40s? Early 50s. Like just white guys with, he's a late 40s? Gotta be 40. Early 50s? 50, yeah. Just white guys with, he's a late 40s. Yeah. Kind of chubby white man with bleached blonde hair. Yep, yep.

That can wear 55. 55. Flames on his shirt. Wrap around glasses. And he can pull off the same kind of, he's got the same swag as a 22, as the coolest 22 year old black guy you've ever met in your life.

100%. And it works somehow. It works. You're like this, part of you's like this is goofy, but you're like, I'm still accepting it. I'm not shitting on him. I recognize it. Part of it is wrong. Yes.

But it's working. It's working. Is that weird when it works like that? It's the best. Yeah, it's the best. He walked up and you're like, all right, I'm not a, what am I, a foodie? I don't give a shit about guy fear. And then he walks up and you're like, oh shit. Yeah, you're like, I won't care. Dude, he walks up. You care. And he handed all the cars. And we're all putt putting out there. And he's like,

let me show you how to light it. I started like, come on, pussy. Let me say. Yeah. Oh, yes, sir, Mr. Fearing. Dude, I wouldn't even pretend not to carry. It would make my, I want Guy Fieri to like me so bad. It's one of the, like if I met Guy Fieri, I would blow it because I would want it too bad. Exactly. Like the way, like you can't just like a hot girl who might fuck you, but you're, you're so in your head. Yeah.

Because she's so much hotter than you. It's like, that's how I feel with friendship with Guy Fieri. I would fucking blow it, because he rules. He rules, and he did something's burning, the birth cooking show. And Bert couldn't get the oven lit. And I was off to the side, and I go,

I'm gonna get Fieri, and I go, Hey, Bert, you'd make the worst Nazi. And Fieri goes, and I was like, I thought I had a good one. I did it all for him. He got a laugh in the room, but he was like, what? Who is this guy?

Wow, dude, hey, you got a swing. Yeah, I took a big swing. What are you going to do? Did he bring anybody? Did he bring Hunter? He brought Hunter. Hunter was cool. Oh, shit.

He's got big shoes to fill, too, you know? If Dad's awesome, and then we went to the Super Bowl. I did Shrooms. I'm not a huge football guy. So I's awesome and then we went to the Super Bowl. I did Shrooms, I'm not a huge football guy, so I was like, I'm gonna do Shrooms. Oh, there he is. Rihanna was fucking amazing on Shrooms. I believe it.

Those levels and everything, the fireworks. Seeing that in person, would it must have been insane? Inse. Cause it was cool on TV. Yeah. But it just feels like the kind of thing, and I gotta say the direction was unbelievable.

Unbelievable. The way the camera, the shots they got, but I can't, like seeing that in the fucking stadium on mushrooms. On mushrooms, all the white guys ran out, you know? And she was pregnant, so we're like, whoa, is she fat as shit? And then on my head, you know, you're on shroom,

so I was like, this might be the most elaborate abortion the whole time. She falls off that top deck. That's it. That would be all, if she had a, the, because she had that like, almost metal plate. Yeah, yeah. So it would have been fun if it was fake

and she was like, pretended like a fucking baby comes out of her pussy. Chris Brown comes out. Yeah. Oh, God, sir. That's the special guest. Oh. Chris Brown doing like a fucking, uh,

what are the street fighter guys? The... Yeah, right, the... Shadow-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- like this. Yeah. Much of fat sons of bitches and cholesterol and all this next to me. And then the only part part was being on shrooms. And then like, this is awesome. You're like, I got a pee. And then you go to pee and you're in those the mouths of a stadium. It's mayhem. That was too much. Pissing on my like, I remember because we're a big, my family's a big star wars, take mushrooms and see them. Oh, see the big, my brother's. Okay, okay.

My mom's my like 68 year old Greek mother. Just chubby on shrooms, eating Greek cookies. But we see them in the fucking theater. And it's, when you're in the theater, it's unbelievable, it's crazy. And I remember having a piss of Star Wars and being so fucked up. Oh yeah. And literally wanting to buy a drink, but being so fucked up. Oh yeah.

And literally wanting to buy a drink, but being too scared. Yes, yes. So after I pissed, I just went to the sink and went like, Duh! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm going back to the movie. I was just like, I was too scared to have a fucking conversation.

Totally. With a concession person. Yeah, I would. I wouldn't even have considered it. I had the, I had to pee and this is a crazy line. And it was all urinals with no partition. And I got a tiny shroom, yeah. And I remember people like, oh, and the guy behind me went,

hey, and he pushed me, like, oh, you gotta go. And it was like a water slide. We just have to suck it up and do it. So I have a theory because it was in Phoenix, which is like a pretty white town. Yes. All white towns like Minneapolis and Denver, very white towns have no partition.

Cop, tross. Yes. There's less black competition. Oh, that's interesting. That's a theory, I have. I think it's like the more homogeneous racially. Yes. A population, the less urinal partitions.

You go to Atlanta, there's partitions. You go to Detroit, there's partitions. Well, but see, that's interesting though, because Atlanta's mostly black. That's true. So it's like, it's gotta be a diverse. Gotta be diverse. So New York, it's partitions everywhere.

New York, perfect example. L.A. Yep, yep. Even, I don't know, Chicago, Chicago, California. That's pretty segregated. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Still Chicago to Chicago. Okay, that's pretty segregated. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Still different sides. Baltimore.

That's interesting. I hate the trough. Hate the trough. What do we do, guys? I mean, look, it's fun when you're alone and there's ice to melt. You feel like a superhero. Running up and down. Yeah.

No, the trough is dehumanizing. Very bad. You have to piss with your dick just. It's one, you can kind of, even the separate urinals when there's no partition, it's like, all right, we got our own space. Yeah. Especially it's something like the Super Bowl, where it's like people are probably lining up,

fucking like, around it. Yes, yes. Like, you can almost be like interlocking feet. Like, one guy could probably have his feet inside your feet. You know what I mean? Like it could be kind of like this. Right, right. You're pissing.

Just to get enough space, that, I want no parts of. It was a nightmare. That's fucking sick though. They must have been sad that the fucking filly, the Eagles lost. They took it pretty hard, and then we went and got fucked up after, and I had a flight at seven, and I had to pick up at five.

So that was the, and that airport was bananas. Why did you do that? I like it back and I regretted it immediately. Yeah, five a.m. pick up after drinking all night, then hot tubbing, then eating. You got to take the L on the travel day. I really do. I mean, that's crazy.

Crazy. And I know the feeling, because on the west coast you lose, you lose those hours. You start to get that So I get that. I get that, but still it's like 5 a.m. pick up is fucking insane. Nightmare. Nightmare, not worth it.

I got a flight 9 and I'm going to kill myself. Ooh, that's not my like, I like a nice 11 is the optimal flight time. 11 is nice. You wake up just, you don't need an alarm. Yep. You know, basis early as you can you can wake up without like an alarm and you're well rest you have breakfast if you really. Yeah exactly. You just have to write the day off.

Right. Day's over. Do you do shows at that night when you land? I do. Yeah same. I used to not but then it's like when am I gonna spend my entire life on the road. Exactly. Exactly. I just have to suck that Thursday up. Yep. But it's like, when am I gonna spend my entire life on the road? Exactly. It's like, you'd have to suck that Thursday up. Yep. But it's brutal. It's gonna suck dick. Madison, which has already happened

by the time this comes out. That's gonna be horrible. But that's a great club. It's a great club. It's a great weekend. That's the thing. I only do them if the club rocks. Yes, yes, exactly.

But it's two shows Thursday. Oh, that's tough. That's tough. If it was one, one you can fucking sleep walk through. They're getting, yes. Exactly. Two shows Thursday. Oh, that's tough. That was one one you can fucking sleep. One pixel. They're getting they are not getting their money. No one on Thursday. Here's a little tip, folks. You've already bought your tickets.

The the tour is mostly sold out. Don't come see me on Thursdays. No. I am going to be phoning it in. Yeah. That's my go to I like the fucking ease into it. Sometimes something really cool happens because when you don't give a fuck, you're just kind of freer. Totally.

But most of the time it's bad. Yeah. You have to remember your acting all the time. You're probably going down a third of your year. You're good to go. That's a gay joke, go-go. Yeah. If you've done any other big events like that, you'd be super bowl, you've done any awards shows, have you been to anything crazy big events like that? You'd be super bowl, you'd done any like a ward shows, any of you've been to anything crazy

or was that the biggest one? Probably the biggest thing. I mean, I've been to like, I was at the Hollywood Bowl when Chappelle got whatever. Oh, yeah, some homeless guy came up to him. No, that was like a trans guy on stage with the fake knife, whatever. I was there for that.

I didn't realize it was a fake knife. Yeah, well, in his words, it was a gun that identified as a knife. That was your fellow's joke. Pistor, he made another trans joke. You're like, he got tackled. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's more important.

I'm more mad at the, the identified as a thing that's over. That is over. It's a little hack at this point. And my pronouns are, you know, my pronouns are this. It's done, guys. Ros this, it's done guys. Rosanne, sorry you got fired. You can't do a pronouns joke.

You fucking, if you see that, that's our big, that's our big teaser to the thing. Oh, really? It's a pronouns joke. Yeah, he lost it one. Oh, it's, it's fucking, it's embarrassing. It's too easy. It's, it was, it was kind of funny the first time someone thought about it, probably at this point, 10 years.

Yeah. And now it just keeps getting fucking recycled. But. Y'all know said a decent one. It was a he-ha, or my pronouns. Because that, like, all right, that makes sense. We got something. He-ha, this, this, this.

I just think the pronouns in general, we got to put it on ice. Yeah. It's at least in the penalty box. Right. Until someone comes up with something really good. Exactly. But, yeah. It's at least in the penalty box. Right. Until someone comes up with something really good. Exactly. But what are you gonna do? Do you have a, I look like jokes?

I don't. Okay. I don't. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, yeah, that's also penalty. Absolutely. I think you can riff it out if you're a fuck it, you know,

if it's like, if it's, if it's in the moment, and you're doing it for that room, and something happened where it's like, yeah, fine. Sure. That can't be, a lot of people that's their bread and butter. Oh, yeah. It's like a closer, it's like a, they need it to survive. Yeah, you can't do that.

You can't do that. You have to wear a certain shirt or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's bad one. Like, I will admit, I'm the special. I hired this stylist and she fucking, I'll be a nice girl, didn't do shit. Like the Cheetah print was my personal shirt. Oh, yeah.

So I wasn't planning on wearing it. And then I was like, I did do like, I look like a Grand Theft Auto boss. Cause that was good. Cause that was like, it was like a, that was my outfit for the day. It was like, you know, a little ice breaker, whatever. But as a part of my act, no, I do not have a, you know, that back in the day, there was was like, that was my outfit for the day. It was like, you know, a little icebreaker, whatever. But as a part of my act, no, I do not have a, you know,

that back in the day, there was always like, I look like this guy fucked that guy. Yeah, that was a big one. That's a big one. That's a big one. All open-micres, listening to this, you can't do any of those. They're so over.

I look like a guy for your on dialysis. Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind it. I look like when you do the I look like Super Mario fucked. Yeah, yeah, yeah, somebody fuck somebody yeah, although my favorite one of those was with Eli fuck was like you remember he like Sarah. Oh, Sarah's hilarious great joke writer fucking he this is how ahead of it He was

Open Mike days in DC. He had a joke that said, I look like, you know, I look like if a pet, if a pet of I'll fuck the child. That's a great joke. Cause that flips the whole fucking, you know, it flips. Yeah, it does look like that. And it does look like a gammelist. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Great joke, writer, shout out to Eli, Sarah. But see, that's the, you gotta know the rules to break them. Exactly. And that's why he's good joke, writer. Anyway, look, we've told, we've, we've, we, we get to, we got to know Mark, we've done, we've, we've been on for a while, right? I was, we can do the advice segment.

Yeah, we're 50 minutes. Look at L, this, he was lounging, not even ready to work that much. Did you see him fucking hustle? Just think about it. Ugh. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I'm so recovering. Snewsing. Yeah. Holding in his shit, holding in that, he's holding in that Hustle just think about it So recovering

Holding in a shit holding in that he's holding in that for his fincter is Like at the end of a mood like a cliffhanger. He's got his fucking asshole as two fingers left on the ledge It's just begging to be let up Don't look down. Yeah, this asshole is just quivering. One crumb is coming out. Is that cliffhanger just hanger? Yeah.

So, you know, we got enough of, you guys know Mark, if you don't know him, you got a little taste for our friend here And we're gonna solve some problems here mark Let's do it. So if you want to be on the show guys 904 800 stop and the eldest play us up with our first one These stuff I really need your help I'm a 37 year old guy. I've been questioning my sexuality for a long time now nice I was not I was just gay. I have a long time meal partner, 17 years. Nice.

We're an open relationship. I'm into bears and fat dudes. Yeah, well, by the way, staff. You know, working out these December would buy your sweaty clothes. Well, you're right. Anyway, I recently realized that the very rare I find a woman attractive, but it's kind of happening more and more. Interesting. I guess everyone eat pussy. Oh, I love time, but I cannot feel like the people.

I try to send her, I'm okay, keep it, I'm humble. I don't get any interest. I don't even think I know how to talk to it really. Yeah. Uh, cause in the gay world, I can just kind of be open and say what I'm looking for and get back with the interest. Of course. But you seem to be getting more complicated with them. And then, and not even talking about anything crazy though. Uh, just the casual relationship with a bigger lady who just want to be eaten, fingered, and played with. Hell yeah. This guy's really weird part of it.

I'm not into fucking or being fucked. I'm in or with him. What? I'm not interested in myself coming. I'm in that maybe some weird person people. I'm not opening conversation with this stuff though, but it feels like I should make my interests know. But I'm not getting any know. I'm not getting

any covers that I wish come heart stations at all. You have to just back, no bikes or hearts or anything. You see me I started going down the status drop. I think that's the way to move on. I didn't say what the rules are and what I wanted to do, but still zero interest on any apps even like pet life or field. What do you look for? What can I do you're wrong? Do I somehow only appeal to cops? I don't know.

Anyhow, it would be a great way to appreciate. Thank you, Bill. This is very interesting. Yeah. No likes, even on Fet Life, you're not. What's going on here? Are you Ben? Are you a fucking, are you a fugly piece of shit?

You sound like a cute guy. Wait, what is Fet Life? It's like a Fet Life in field, it's like a fetish. Oh, I thought it was Fetta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Greek one. For obese Greek people, the one of the king of Fetta Life. If there was an app for fat Greek people,

sucking a fucking, that'd be at the top. Oh, yeah. But, okay, so this is interesting. So we've got a 37 year old thought, he thought he was gonna be a lifelong homosexual. And then late in life he's coming to God. This is good. This means your grandmother's prayers are working. Yeah.

What this means is she's almost there Grandma and list a friend you've almost got him to the right side So I'm confused he's gay. He's gay, but he's in a 17 year relationship. He's a gay guy in an open relation Okay, okay got it. They're married, but they can suck other guys off every once in a while It's a beautiful thing they got going. They live in the dream. They really are. And he's been having a great time.

He's living in the gay garden of Eden. Where you can say, hey, I'd like to suck your cock. And a guy's like, okay, you know, I wasn't really wanting you to do it, but you asked nicely, so sure. Why don't we go back into my car and you can suck my cock real fast? Sure. And they're like sounds good and they shake hands

and then they suck each other's dicks and then go back to, you know, worker, whatever. Yeah. And so now he wants the pussy and he's realizing, it ain't so easy to get to score box. Exactly. But I gotta say I'm actually pretty shocked because, okay buddy, so he's tried all the apps. He's got everything I would have said go to field because from what I understand

You know, it's pretty I'm not on it, but it's pretty that one's like an app for some slight fetish stuff Three some it started like a threesome. Oh, okay, and now it's like, you know Maybe I need to do a little field research. Yeah. He's kind of go on there so I can help our friends out. Oh, so he said he doesn't like fucking. He's not into fucking or coming. That's a whole other thing.

Yeah. He's clearly what I would say is like a service, I don't know what the term is, is it a serve, is he a bottom? He's a giver. He's a giver, he's a giver either way you look at it, but he just wants to suck cock. And just say, I mean, this guy sounds like a saint.

That's what I'm saying. I think you've got to, you've got to reel, the product sounds incredible. And the marketing department is fucked up. That's where it feels like. Yes. Because I think there's, you're talking about, you want, you're telling me you want to you want you're

tell me you can't find a fat lady to let you eat or pussy. Exactly. No, she's out there, pal. You're fucking up big time. I don't know what you're doing. He should be leading with that. That should be your bio. I don't want to get off. I want to get you off. Well, yes. And here's the other thing, and especially in these in the in the like fetish community, you'd think that that would be, you think that people would be into it. I think where you're fucking up personally is that you aren't leading with the novelty here. You are trying to go into it.

You're trying to get pussy, like a straight guy would try and get pussy. And as a straight guy, you probably couldn't get that much pussy. You don't know the tips and tricks. You haven't been out here, you know, you've been out here grinding, getting rejected for 17 years. You've, and especially when, if you're a gay guy

and you're a big ask is can I suck your dick? I'm gonna guess you're looking at a 96% success rate on something like that, too. You're not trying to fuck somebody in the ass. You just like pull your cock out and put it in my mouth for a sec. Most gay guys, and now this is maybe is my homophobic, maybe there's a little homophobia, but I'm still thinking most gay guys will be like,

yeah, fuck it, you can put your dick in my dick in my mouth for a sec. It's so straight. It's like, yeah, I can blow me. I'm taking it. Yeah, absolutely. So I think where you're fucking up is not what I would push here is the novelty. up is not what I would push here is the novelty. If you said 17 year old get your 17 not 17 year old but 17 year you know I've been gay I'm exploring yes and you side of myself I have any I would love to you know explore try experiment experiment with a woman have dude have pictures with you and your boyfriend because this might even sound like a something else this might pull to try, experiment with a woman. Have, dude, have pictures with you and your boyfriend

because this might even sound like something eldest might pull to try and get pussy. You know what I mean? Like, that's actually a pretty good scam for someone else to pretend to be gay, to get pussy. That's good. But you're not doing that and we're not saying be dishonest here on Stavis' world.

Sure. Mark's mad, he's married. He was like, that's a good one. I was like, damn, I'm gonna step up. Mark's like, this is me with my partner. It's a pick of him and stuff. Yeah. Yeah, dude, here's me.

Here's me in a thrupple, and it's like me, you and Sam, from the podcast. The podcast picture we took together. I'm in a loving gay thrupple, and I just want to try pussy for the first time. And I think you go in kind of a timid, like, I'm gonna make sure we take together. I'm in a loving gay thrupple. And I just wanna try pussy for the first time. And I think you go in kind of a timid, like, I'm nervous. Help me, please walk me through this, Mom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You really get less threatening. Absolutely. And it also seems like it's vibe, right? Cause he doesn't wanna fuck, he doesn't wanna get fucked. Exactly. He just wants to eat pussy. He does wanna be of service here. Yes.

He does wanna be kind of like, it sounds like you're a little submissive here. And there's gotta be the fat version of your film teacher. There is some fat lady with blue glasses and a beehive that is absolutely gonna let you sucker pussy. Yes. Without question. So you're right, it's all marketing.

You just gotta spend more. I get to spend more. I think it's a better spin. And I also think like, you know, yeah. Yeah, I think that's what it is. I think it's marketing, you gotta spend this better. And you don't have, I feel like, you know, you don't have any friends that are women

who can kind of put the feelers out. Yeah. I think especially in like, you gotta think there's like buy people that are women who can kind of put the feelers out. I think especially in like, you gotta think there's like by people that are just, they were just, people would be interested in this out of a novelty alone. Right. And especially since all you're looking for

is no strings. I don't know, I would lead with that, especially on the, especially on these fetish apps, that's my thought process here. Yeah. Other than that, I would say go to a rockabilly bar And find the fattest ladies there and they'll probably let you eat their pussies. It's pretty interesting that the like bear fat fetish Like applies when he's like interested in women too. I didn't know

Like a bigger lady Man likes what he likes good for him. This is very doable. Very doable. You want to eat out that juice. And it sounds like you might. Yeah, it's very easy. Wow. Whoa, we should get fucking eldest from eight years ago to give you some pointers. The world champion at that sport. Is this from eldest? Yeah, let's go out Elvis? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So we believe in you, and I think a little bit is that you are putting out a timid energy of a guy who doesn't deserve to eat pussy. You gotta believe, this is a little bit of the secret. You gotta believe in yourself. Switch up your fucking, switch up your, you know,

your pitch. Your pitch, switch up your pitch. And then also I would say go through some grassroots, you don't have any friends that are interested in getting their pussy eaten, maybe even like, maybe you have a lesbian friend that's on the flip side of this. It wants to get her pussy eaten by a guy. I don't know, I'm just saying,

look within the community, your community of friends. Yes, you know. The internet is very vast. Absolutely. You will find a fish if you keep that hook out. I agree, and please call us back when you do eat pussy. Yes, and send us a weird video. We'd love to hear how it goes.

DM Mark your penis. Yeah, please. Even the, oh, there we go. All right, here we go. Let's play another one, LD. Hey, stop, man. This is a nox, bro. I'm driving to work right now.

New job in there a couple of months. Having a hard time, but trying to change my kind of Accadulate, I say day and reach hard a lot. And you know, potentially going to cause the problems With some new peers at work. I try to work on it. My girlfriend tells me to stop saying stuff, but I keep flipping up, you know, if I call someone a gay retard or you don't want to. I can't help it, man. And I need some tips. I got two words for this guy. Guess, digital. They're hiring.

This guy got promoted in a week. Three people will get that job. Yeah, wow, so you're driving. Yeah, I mean, look, dude, here's the thing. You shouldn't be saying that at work anyway, right? It's like, you know that. You know, like, there's some words that are kind of like, it's like, you're not taking a fucking cheesecake

for lunch every day. Right. No, that's a little treat. Good point. You go home, you have one slice of cheesecake. Yeah. That's saying gay retard. Right. You say it every once in a while to your friends when they're acting like one of those.

Yeah. But you know, you know, it's the same thing applies here, and you have to have a little moderation It sounds like you're going overboard. Yeah, and I think you I'm hoping he doesn't work at Disneyland He's the front desk guy to pediatricians office office. So that's look that's how you got to look at it. You got to look at these as little treats that you know you probably shouldn't have right but they taste so good coming out of your mouth. Yeah they do. But at the same time the same the same thing applies. You wouldn't have eight fucking root beers at work. You know what I'm saying?

You have one root beer at night as a little treat. You wouldn't have eight, you wouldn't smoke a joint at work. You smoke, you know, and even if you did, you'd probably take a little one hitter and then you go in and you do it privately. Okay, so if you got to call, if you want to text one of your friends and call them gay, before work starts, that's fine. But the same thing applies is to anything that's bad for you that feels good. Right. That's the same rules apply for saying words you shouldn't say. Yeah. And, you know, you shouldn't smoke at work, but do it like a waking game.

Yeah. And you're home. Yeah. Yeah. And then get it over. Call your girlfriend, you know. A waking game, exactly. He cookin' a job with like a fire patrol

because it's like flame retardant. Yeah. I'm like, we know. Yeah, absolutely. You wanna work the word retardant into your, okay, but there's my, or you can just be a fireman and you can say, oh yeah, good boy, good boy.

Yeah, be a cop. Yeah. You can say the end word. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right, we're rooting for you in Knox though. Yeah, you can shave the end word. Yeah. All right. We're rooting for you in knocks though. Yeah. You're gonna get it. You feel good for you. God speed. What do we got? Gavi baby. It is Griff Daddy from Minnesota here. Daddy. So I'm a student teacher right now, meaning I'm working on my master's in elementary

ed and I'm working at a school even though I'm not fully hired there yet. One of the kindergarten teachers is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. We haven't had chance to interact much so I don't know if there's any vibes or partatious that's going on but holy hell she's beautiful and I overheard someone talking about her being single. Is it cool to approach her or not really because I'm new at the school. Don't make work uncomfortable. Yada yada yada all that bullshit. Or is this shooter got a shoot? Oh that bullshit. Yada, yada, yada, yada, sexual harassment.

Yeah, it's like, but I, and he's like, he hasn't even talked to her. That's the best part. Right. He saw a hot woman. Yeah. He doesn't know if there's a vibe at all. And he's like, should I try and fuck her?

Or should, despite the fact that I'm a student teacher who has no read on whether she likes me or not, and that I'm invading her space temporarily. Right. What do you think this would be? What part of this make is a good plan to you, motherfucker? You're also a student teacher. You're not even gonna be there that long.

What does that mean? Student teacher. He's training at the school. Oh, gotta go. It was part time. So what I would look, what I would say is, first of all, you should, you know, this is just, you just saw how woman and you're going to try and fuck her should not be your go to that shouldn't be how you're wired, especially in a professional setting anyway.

Now, you know, in reality, you are a student teacher, you're not gonna be there forever. So why don't you, here's a great, here's a crazy thing, talk to this woman, friendly, see if there's even one Iota of a chance she might wanna fuck you, and be real with yourself. Don't put a spin on it, be realistic. Are you getting any vibe whatsoever? I would say you're better off making friends with her,

you know, just being a good member of the community at this school. And then since you're cycling out anyway, you know, you're not gonna work there, at the end of this situation, if there has been a some kind of rapport and you have a little, little sum stricken, a little friendship, maybe you have a little, little sum stricken,

a little friendship, maybe you have lunch, whatever the fuck it is. At the end of this, when you're not gonna be your coworker, then you ask her out, she'll say no, right? Almost certainly she'll say no, but I don't think you should try and fuck her while you work there, it's gonna look really bad

because again, she's probably gonna say no, you don't know her at all. This is like, it's like, you know what I mean? It's like, he doesn't even try. If daddy will help him. I got an idea, because I think you're right. I think it won't go well. But, A, you have the teacher bond.

Do you know you'd be like, hey, I'm your teacher, I'm working on being a teacher, you get any tips. Like now you have an N. You have an N because you have a similar job. And if that doesn't work, poison one of her kids. Just a little and then help the kid. I love this, I love this. You give him the Heimlich or you have boutumal,

whatever you do to help the kid. And now you're in as a hero. Smart. Find the kid with a shrimp allergy. Yes. Put a little lobster in his fucking sippy cup Having happy pen in your back pocket. Boom stab him while no one's looking and you've saved him She you know make sure it's her favorite one too. Yes

Yes, but here's the thing, I don't trust this guy getting the dosage right. He's gonna kill some fucking guy. Yeah, yeah. And by the way, this woman wasn't even single. He just overheard something he wanted to hear. Right. She's like, you have a craft single.

He's like, what the hell? Yeah. Sickle. But yes, those are your two best bets. Make sure it's a non-lethal dose of whatever, of whatever you save the child. But other than that, try and become friends with this person, see if there's any kind of connection.

And at the end, when you leave the thing, if there's a shot, it'll happen. Here, here. But I don't have any confidence in you personally. I want to make that I want to make that clear I'd love to see this teacher, but I can I just say teachers the freakyest hookup on the planet teachers and nurses Nurses I could definitely see because they've seen it all they're dealing with bedpans all day so my dick isn't But you can't gross around yeah, I know, I think they deal with kids that have you proper. So when they hook up with you, they're just like, all right, an adult, I can really let

it go. Yeah, and teach anyone whose life is fucking hard that they really need to enjoy the nut. Yes, the rest of their life is fucking brutal. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, that's interesting. I wonder if I've fucked any teacher. I've fucked up with some freaky like,

professor types, but that's not the same thing. That's not the same thing. It's gotta be kids. Blue collar, blue collar, teacher situation. Yeah. Call in if you're a teacher and you wanna fuck me. There you go. 9.04800 staff. Hit us with another one, Big Eld.

Hey, stop. You're a big pump man. Love ya. Thanks. I got a problem He's a big plump man. I love you. Thanks. I got a problem with one of my childhood best friends. He is, I don't know, probably 10-plus years or so. Man is doing good. He's working hard.

He's working a restaurant job. Working another job. But I'm generally just concerned. He likes to get shit faced. Almost every night of the week. I don't really know how to handle it. It doesn't really have a father figure or anything. Be a positive role model for me. You're his father figure, you're his best friend.

I don't know. It's kind of weird going from guy to guy. He just doesn't really take my advice. I don't want to overestate my boundaries as a friend, but also just genuinely care about the guy. I'm kind of the point where it's like, ruining some friendships, ruining some relationships in his life. People see that I'm associated with him.

They're like, nah, man, like, much better drunk. Sorry, like, you can't come because don't go on. Oh, wow. That's how you go on. I don't know. Really, how do I approach the situation? Now, I've tried to have to talk with him, like, man to man, my hey man, I feel like you're

ruining your life, your career. But I just can't get the words right. So any advice, great. Thanks, Thou. Thouff won. Wait, I zoned out. So give me the address. Yes, yes, of course.

And we can, by the way, folks, we got to really work on our storytelling today. We might have to start putting in a 45 second and under rule, eldest. From now, I'm going to start saying that. We got to get a minute. Very few under 45. All right.

We're working towards 45, though, folks. Lot of dead air here. Basically, all of this was to say that he has a friend who's a wild drunk and it's ruining his life. They're best friends. Okay. And he's he's worried about him.

How does he help him? He's got a conversation with him. Also at the end there he was like, yeah, I mean, you know, people invite me to stuff. They won't let me come because they know. Oh, so he did with him. So he did kind of get a little personal there at the end where he can't go to parties or whatever.

But yeah, I mean, this is a common issue, right? Like, especially it's like, did he say how old he was? I don't think so. You know, he didn't mention his age. So it's if I had to get, he said they've been friends for like 10 years. What does it feel like mid 20s?

When we know plenty of people in comedy who right around mid-twenties, late-twenties, they've had this realization and they kind of fucking get sober. So, how do you ever been a part of any kind of, any like, what are those called? Interventions or anything like that? Yeah, well I've had two friends die from heroin.

Damn, so I get it, but this is a tough spot, but it's always some deep rooted sadness or trauma So you gotta figure out what that is and then work out right you know, so This guy your friend is going through something Because that's why he's getting shit faced every night. So I would go in with that like going from a place of like What's really going on? Yeah, yeah. Not just like, hey, you drink too much, you gotta get your act together, because that's what your, your,

drill sergeants is. Of course, of course. So go, go and- It never helps. It never helps to hear this stuff. You don't think this guy knows- Exactly. Everything, you don't think when he's fucking hung over,

when he wakes up with fucking, you know, whiskey sour on his shirt, and he's missed, we're working the Mexican restaurant, he's still a bar back at. You don't think he's thinking of all the shit that he's fucked up, he knows it. So, Mark, you're absolutely correct where it's like, yeah, let's get to the bottom of this.

And then when you find out, try and be gentle about it. You can't be like, all right, man, everybody gets fucking molested. Stop fucking drinking. You know what I mean? Like, you gotta fuck it, you gotta gotta fucking massage and kinda like try and get him into like, I don't know, therapy, that kind of thing. But at the same time, what's really difficult here

and what's hard to hear is that sometimes it doesn't have to come from the person, right? You can help him, you can say like, hey man, we got to get you, you know, what kind of support? Cause I think support is a much better thing than scolding. Yes. Yes. The scolding is just going to put him deeper into, you know, whatever hole he's in. Totally. So try and get some support. And look, the thing, the other reality is like, at a certain point, your friend has got to want to make these,

these changes. That's what's difficult about like personal changes and like, you know, these demons and shit like that. May and maybe they'll come a time when he'll ask for help and you can be there, but you got to come there from a place of support. And otherwise though, it's like, unfortunately, it really is up to him. Like, you know, we've had so many friends that have quit drinking and it's like, unfortunately, it really is up to him. Like, you know, we've had so many friends that have quit drinking and it's really you talk to them

about it, it's like, they just fucking quit drinking one day. I know. And they just decided it's over and they've hit rock bottom and they've fucked a ton of shit up. And I wish there was something easier to say, some easier path, but all you can do is be a supportive friend within reason, right?

Like if his behavior starts fucking your shit up, part of what you have to do is kind of make them face a consequence. You can't let him get away with being a fucking, he crashes your fucking car. You gotta treat him like a drunk guy who crashed your car. You know what I mean? You can't be like, oh that's okay.

We just need to get you into fucking rehab, right? Like, so I don't know, you can't be like, oh, that's okay. We just need to get you into fucking rehab. Yeah, like, so I don't know, man. I agree that you can't come at him scolding and drill sergeant wise. And you just have to also, you know. And you could try, this is some real mom shit, but you could try like, hey man, you know what, we get drunk a lot.

Let's me and you just go see a movie and just walk around, get dinner, and just try to see if you can do it without getting shit face one night. And that might shake him out of it. Because getting shit face every night is actually difficult. As a guy who just did this weekend with Berk Rysher, but it's third night you're like, I'm shitting blood. I don't remember anything. I hate myself. I can't think straight, but it's third night you're like, I'm shitting blood, I don't remember anything,

I hate myself, I can't think straight, but brain is mush. But alcoholics figure it out. Yeah, they really do. It's the same way, bro, when I think about that, where I'm like, how can a hungover guy get drunk? And then I think about the times I've ordered fried chicken with diarrhea.

It's like, I'm that guy for food. You know what I mean? It's like, Eldis. Eldis. You know what I mean? It's like eldest. Elders over here with this fucking brisket breakfast. Yeah. His assholes fucking begging for mercy. His hair are the hot dogs. Yeah. Her arm. We all gotta keep eating. So yeah, good luck, buddy. Be as supportive as you can be and try and manage your expectations. And hopefully when your friend decides it's time to change, that's really when you can shine.

Here, here. You ever think about quitting drinking? All the time. But I needed for certain occasions. I've gotten good at drinking. I don't really black out. I don't do crazy shit anymore. I just like jump off the roof and the pool.

It was that guy. But now I'm just getting drunk. I have three, four cocktails and I'm good shit anymore. I used to like jump off the roof and the pool. It was that guy. But now I'm just getting drunk. I have three, four cocktails and I'm good. Okay, nice. So that's my compromise. That's good, that's good. Because the hangovers to me, that's really what ruins you.

Of course. Your whole day's gone. And it's like, I think there's different compulsions. And it's like, even though you do get fucked up, if you've handled it, you're probably okay. Your shit's probably more, you know, fucking a random woman. Yeah, exactly.

The way I have food, it's like I can do drugs, but food ruins me. You'll drink, but fucking whore's a whole new. Yes, yes, exactly. Exactly. Exactly. So it's like everyone has their own like, their own real thing.

Whereas like real drunks, those motherfuckers are out of control. Yeah. And you know, shout out to our friends who have gotten it together. Oh, yeah. Well, part of me is that I never, because you knew drunk, Joe.

You knew drunk, Joe. So do I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even a tell, I remember being drunk. Wow. Holy shit. That's wild. Yeah, I don't know.

I got everybody on their, like, gentler on the second half of their you know, their journey Which is cool, too. Yeah, it was pretty great. It's like seeing Dion Sanders Dion shooting in that bull's guacamole mulley uh... or i'll visit us with the next one dot baby was happened uh...

my situation is i have a new girlfriend for about seven months now and this guy's matured the one of like your fans love you know You know when they am you know like I know like this is the go-on okay good for you I could go on and on but my question is is I could go on and on, but my question is, is it okay to propose to this girl with a ring that I propose to somebody else with, this week? Four years ago, and I don't know what the fuck, like she pressured me in the wanton that get married and she was a drunken whore and didn't work out completely over it. But this ring is like perfect for my new girlfriend. It's like in a cheek.

And she's like in a cheek somewhere or something. The other girl was like kind of booty bitch like didn't appreciate stuff like that. Like I just feel like this thing is perfect for her and I don't know if I should get it reset if I should like take it to the pawn shop and like he's that money to buy a different ring like I don't fucking know man this thing is perfect for she doesn't know but she does know that I was engaged before so and I'm a terrible fucking liar was engaged before. So, and I'm a terrible fucking liar. So, I don't know, bro.

Like, let me know. Let's go to the next slide. Sweet guy. He does, he does. He's a sweet, cheap guy. Right, right. A man after your own heart, Mark. This fucking, look buddy, come on.

It's like, you can't, it's like, oh, it's really is it perfect for her or do you have the ring on her? The fuck are you talking about? It's perfect for her. No, it's not. You bought it for some other lady who you said didn't appreciate stuff like that,

which means you got a cheap ring. You got a ring that wasn't right for the first woman. Oh, and now it just happens to be perfect for the other woman. I think just, comically, you gotta go fresh. Go fresh. There's no way. There's no way.

There's no way you can do the same one, but the same, you could get it reset, all that stuff. But this is not your great-grandmother's ring. This is some lady you used to fuck's ring. Right. Right. This is an romantic story of where the ring came from. Yeah.

And you see him head over heels with this girl. Everything seems good. She's not pressuring you, but you gotta go and you ring. Get a new ring. Sell that bad boy. I'd give this, this is seven months though. Like a lot of people are head over heels in seven months. True.

I would give this a year at least. Hear minimum, I kind of agree. Yeah. Give yourself five more months. Sell the ring right now. There you go, there you go. The ring gets sold. Okay.

Keep the fucking month out. I also don't trust this guy with, I'm gonna get $500 cash either. But whatever, I don't trust him with whatever the money is from the ring either. This doesn't, this does seem like a sweet guy, but doesn't seem like a guy who, you know, budgets too well.

But it's gotta be a different ring, and I think you gotta be on fucking probation five months. Yeah. You can't, seven months is, it's still the sweet spot. Totally. It's still a really nice part in the relationship. Yeah, this is till death. Let's not forget that. Yeah

Just hold that just hold marks one shot for a while on that one How did you did you have like a proposal proposal? What was your ring? You got it? I by went out and bought a real full expensive ring and I had a lot of help and then We were on Martha's vineyard with her family and We took a a mo pet out and it was all romantic went to a beach and I said oh, I got to take a whiz Can you block me? So we're on the beach. There's a couple over there. I'm peeing in a bush Yeah, I pull the ring out and she's facing the ocean.

I go, oh, damn it. Can you help me out here? And I was on one knee. She started crying. And then the best part was the old couple on the beach went, congratulations. Oh, that's awesome. That's awesome.

It ended up crazy. This is where I get too cheesy. But we drove back on the moped and she's holding me. And you can hear the uh... that was me crying I made a mistake no it was a problem it's beautiful because you said yes

yeah that was on the highway like should I kill his mouth I'm gonna be more sorry That's nice man, that's cute. That was very nice. And when you say you had help you, like her friends, your friends, how do you?

I had her sister, like what the hell do I buy? I don't know, I mean about jewelry and she gave me some tips. That's good. For all our listeners, they're thinking about a engagement ring. Ask a friend, ask a sister, ask a cousin. Yeah, really. All right, LD, what do we got, man?

This is a nice, nice and short decision. Hi, Savi, and whoever is on today, I love you so much, I need to say that. But I wanted to call and ask my boyfriend of like 10 years birthday next, is this month actually February, the end of this month. I wanted to ask, what are some good gift ideas for men? Because it is so hard to find gifts for men that are not like wallets and all that. So if you guys have

any advice, let me know. Obviously the obvious answers of low job That's a given not a bad thing out. Thank you. Not a present great gal Great love this. This is actually what we can be helpful the kind of should be helpful Yeah, and it's just a shame that this will probably come out after your boyfriend's birthday birthday. But you know if you're listening to your good girlfriend you called with plenty of time but you know we've got an Albanian going through the calls. He doesn't know about time sensitivity. He's texting with ice. Did you ever encounter any Albanians? I like to ask this question. Do you know any? I did. I didn't know it. Yeah not a lot fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game.

I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. I'm not a big fan of the game. You would definitely rank Greeks over Albanians though. Oh yeah. Nice, nice. Only Albanian I've met are like driving a weird gypsy cab

or something. Yeah. What's your stereotype? Because we all know Greek, you know, gay sex, mythology. Yeah, I guess that's my biology. I don't know, I mean, I think the stereotypes is just, well Borat was originally supposed to be an Albanian character. Which breaks my heart.

We've been friends literally since we were five years old. And we've been shitting on him for being Albanian. And if Borat was Albanian, it would be incredible. That would be great. We looked up like racial slurs for Albanians one time. You see like red face, square head. Interest. Oh, both of those apply.

That's just works. That's a couple of slurs. You. Oh, both of those apply. Yeah, that's a good work. So they're a couple of slurs, but you know just the most bad. Square head. That's good. That's really good. You know the most famous Albanian. Ballucious.

Yeah, that's the ballucious. That's the only Albanians I know. Half of Regis. Oh. Is it Regis like a quarter? Yeah, or half or something. Or Liza Duskuh. Of course. A full shot. Action Dushku. Of course she's.

Action. Bronson. Oh, all right. Half a bay and half Jew. Some might say do Aleepa. She is Kosovar. You know, look at her in there. Nah, you don't get to count the good Kosovar.

You take them all, you take none, eldest. Nice try. Another Albanian trick. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Squarehead, a butterfly. Squarehead, ha, ha. Another red face, this nice try. Another Albanian trick. Ha ha ha ha ha. Square head, a little bugger. Square head, yeah. Another red face, square head trick. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

All right, let's return to our friend here who asks about gifts for men. This is a nice, very thoughtful question. And I agree, blowjob is not an answer. That is just part of it. We're all, you're not gonna blow someone on their birthday. Yes. That would be rude. And by the way, we should be blowing everyone regularly. that is just part of it. You're not gonna blow someone on their birthday. Yes, you're here. That would be rude.

And by the way, we should be blowing everyone regularly. And they should be eating pussy regularly. Yeah. I got a couple things to not give him. Okay, hit us. Don't give him anything that you want. Like, oh, I like this sweater. I'll give it to him.

Don't do that. He doesn't want the sweater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Two, I'm coming up with my 40th next year. And my gal's like, what should I do? Should I throw you a party? I'm like, no, that is work. I don't want to go to my own party.

That's a nightmare. So don't do that. Don't throw him a party. Don't give him what you want. Well, this could be a big ham though. You're the kind of guy who, you got social anxiety. Yeah, you got an introvert. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know, closet it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's gonna invite three women and one guy you fuck about knowing it. You're gonna be nervous about that. You don't want any of that. Right. But maybe, you know, certain people I think would really enjoy. You've met the guy, the guy, the guy puts the lampshade on his face.

Sure. The big goof. So, you know, but that's a good point. Think about the personality type of the guy, not what you want for him. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video.

I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video.

I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I appreciate it on this video. I, I think is nice. I think experience is better

than a thing you're going to throw in a closet. Sure. You know, so yeah, like a trip or a dinner or a concert. Yeah, something like that. That's good too. All that stuff. And I think what's also good is like you could do a little bit of one for you, one for him, kind of thing where it's like, you have a romantic kind of couple oriented president. And then you also have like, maybe you buy him and his boys, or you buy him a ticket and his boys, you and his boys chip in on like, front court seats.

Sure, yeah. Like some shit that's like, you're not involved with, right? That you admit like half of your life, you don't want me in. Right. You know what I mean? Which is true.

The best relationship, it's like, yeah, sometimes I'll for my birthday, like for every holiday, I have a part that I like to spend with family and with a girlfriend. And then I have, you know, literally, part of Christmas is me and the fellas. Yep. Get fucked up on mushrooms and see, you know,

me, eldest, my brothers, our friend George, our friend Pete, we were watching during the pandemic when we couldn't go to the theaters, we were on mushrooms watching Tenet, right in this living room. You know, I am like, that was for the boys, but you can have it split it up in that regard. What are some of the best gifts you've gotten, eldest? You have a very thoughtful girlfriend.

I think she usually crushes the gifts. Yeah I mean she does get me closing stuff, but I like him. She's got good taste. She's got good taste. Yeah Being North Face. That's right. Yeah, can't go wrong with some brands like that sure. She got me a Tripton or away from Birth date and a fucking computer. She crushes month. Oh, now we're 30. It's birthday. And a fucking computer. She crushes it, dude. Oh, man. She's got a money. She's got a money book.

Yeah. She's got some money. No, just a good person. Yeah, so I get him a new computer. Yeah, get her a national trip. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm pretty simple, though. I always like a, I mean, I like to read,

but I like a book. Usually, I feel like, well, that's another nice thing, is that you want to have one show stopper. Yeah. And then some cheap shit that you wanna have one show stopper. Yep. And then some cheap shit that might even be more meaningful. Right. A fork. You know what I mean?

A fucking dinner at a nice restaurant. All this kind of shit. Yeah. A good knife if they like the cook. There you go. Like what is it? What are his hobbies, right? Like for a while when I was really getting it,

when I was like getting into cooking, somebody gets me a nice Japanese knife. That's fucking killer, you know? Killer and thoughtful and useful. Yeah, yeah, rice cooker, this is a jirushi. Yeah. Where the finest rice cookers is, then you can get on the market.

My family was always really bad at giving gifts. Like I feel like we'd always like pass money around and then below. So I just some bullshit that no one really wanted. But, you know, my girlfriend's so good at giving gifts and I realize like a big part of gifts is just like, you know, you can get a bunch of little shit and it can be awesome.

Like if you're like six or seven things that aren't that expensive, but it's just fun to like open up a bunch of shit stuff. So a couple shirts, a bug, just some shit to wrap around. Another memory be like a shitty love. Oh yeah. Somebody gets you like a sign-filled script. Signed. You love it. That'd be awesome, yeah. The beauty of shitty loves. Somebody gets you like a Seinfeld script, Seinfeld.

You love it, that'd be awesome, yeah. Somebody get a band, movie, all that kind of shit. Yeah. Some guys are big collectors of things. Yeah, for sure. Blue rays, all that kind of shit. So it's a pen, what kind of guy do you have? And I would say, you know, and obviously,

does he talk about shitty likes? Is there something that he doesn't want to pull the trigger on? If you have a cheap, somebody who's cheap and you get them something, they would never get themselves. Oh, that's good. That's a good one. Good luck. And go, let's go pass the B.J.

and go right to the old pooper. Yeah, get the poop shoot in the mix, eat his ass. Yeah. You know, put his balls and his dick in your mouth. Yeah, B.J. is like a Tuesday. in your mouth. Yeah, BJ's like a Tuesday. Yeah, we're gonna get that up from her. Absolutely. No, and that's enough, I'm not saying this

to this woman because she seems, she's thoughtful enough to call into this show. Make sure you stay. She's probably sucking dick if I had to guess. Let's, don't make sucking dick scarce. And then when you bring it back in, act like you've done something. Exactly. You took done something. Exactly.

You took away something I deserved. You took away basic rights. Yes. You know? Here. So anyway, that's just something I gotta get off my chest. I like it. I'll just hit us with a bang or something nice, dude.

We're nearing the end here of this experiment and we really want to start getting maybe one or two really good ones And if I like your name kind of right? Yeah, yeah, I know the transcript for those listening and watching we use a transcription that always fucks my name up. Mm-hmm Hey, Stavvy, I've been living with my sister for about six years now taking care of her first get hairs And I moved up here when I was 18 to take care of a one-year-old Now after six years I'm taking care of a second one year old in January

And what I'm just thinking about Should I move out? Should I move on? That's what you call my own life? Holy hell. Like should I just stick with it? I'm gonna be going to school soon. Should I just keep on? I'm also watching my buddy, Dave's kid. It's the same time that I'm really making my cash. Dave's fucking your sister. I don't like kid without much. Should I just keep going with it until I can get to do something else? Should I just move out and do what I want to do? Yeah, let's pour God.

I can't believe what I'm hearing. This is crazy. You've been, somebody who does not know how bad he has is. Yeah, this guy's been taking advantage of for years. Running an unlicensed daycare. For room and board. Holy. You're essentially an indentured servant

in your sister's home. Now look, maybe she's paying him. Maybe. Well, but he's like, I look, maybe she's paying him. Maybe. Well, but he's like, I've been living with him for about six years now taking care of her kid, or whatever. That's probably the rent. You pay, you take care of my kids,

you don't have to pay rent. That's what I'm guessing. That's not enough. That's not enough. Now after six years, I'm taking care of her other ones and your taking care of. So you say you don't like kids that much, are you good at it?

Because I've got news for you, being a good babysitter, being a child care person, that's a fucking good job. Good money. Good money. And if you're currently making good money, which I don't know, if you're not, move out. Like that's, let's start right there.

If you're being taken advantage of somehow, and if you're making what amounts to less than like 30 bucks an hour, you're not making good money. You're going to be going to school soon. There's some pedophile listening to this going, damn, this guy's got to make it. Oh shit, the jackpot.

Yeah, 100%. Going to school soon. So wait, you moved there. It's been six years. Six years. You're 24. You've been just been being a nanny. What's going on? Like, is your sister cool? Is she sick? Yeah. Like, I don't, if we're not missing some context, then you're getting your ass fucked here. Yes, completely. And then now the friend is like, oh, this is the douche you watch as kids. I got to walk all over him.

But he said he doesn't like, if you do like this, this is kind of an interesting way to begin your business. But if you don't, now get out, man. And what do you want to do, buddy? Yeah, you can do it. It does some life to live.

Why did you go there? Was it, did your family force you almost? In which case, get out. Yeah. Now, if you went because you're like, now maybe you're saving money, did your family force you almost, in which case get out. Yeah. Now, if you went because you're like, now maybe you're saving money, maybe you're making some money, which is, that's good.

But if you're not, if none of that is happening, then yeah, get the fuck out. You're just, and look, it's nice of you to help your sister, but you're 24, this is like the middle of your life. Yeah. You've spent, like, have you been getting pussy from 18 to 24? Have you been making friends, have you been getting pussy from 18 to 24?

Have you been making friends? Have you been, you know, doing anything? You said you're going to school soon. What the fuck have you been doing? Just working there, working as an unlicensed nanny for 60 years? I know, right? That's tough on the whole resume.

Yeah. Can't be like, yeah, well, my fucking, my sister's out, she's kind of sucking some strangers off. But I can make a mean grilled cheese. Yeah, yeah, my my sisters. She's kind of sucking some strangers off She kind of bullied me into moving in with her and making sure her kid doesn't fucking kill itself Yeah, get out man go live go do something make your own kids and what's going on? Why what is I don't understand the context here I don't either he must have just been helping his family out. He must have, you know. It sounds like a nice guy. He sounds like a bit of a pushover. Yeah, I don't want to trash the guy out, but.

No, no, please trash him. Okay. And also a bit of a pushover, but also he doesn't know any better, right? Because this is his family dynamic. This happens to a lot of us. Oh, right. Where it's like, you know, you're, you're,

because he moved there when he was 18. Okay. He was a kid, right? He's like 16, 17 and his family's like where it's like, you know, you're, you're, cause he moved there when he was 18. Okay. He was a kid, right? Yeah. He's like 16, 17 and his family's like, go help your sister. Yeah. You know, who knows what his position in the family is?

Right. The one known respects. Yeah. The one that they all fuck over. That's true. Or on the flip side, when we're reading this wrong in your bad storyteller, he could be a fucking mess. His sister would be like, hey, come watch my guest.

Yes. I'll give you some money. She might even be fucking, he might even have a little savings account because of her. Right. So it's like, we can't really tell because you don't your bad at communicating.

Totally. He might be on the lamb. Yeah, he's got a leaf stain. We've got to watch my kids. And yeah, you should go to school to just for basic communication skills, there's nothing else Because I really can't understand what the fuck's going on in your life. Yeah

There's so many fascinating stories out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, so much so many different weird context of how does this guy even? Yeah, six years watching his sister's kids. So Do we have any of this right pal? We again, we don't really know but if you're in a situation where you're getting your ass fucked by your sister and your family, move out, if things are going good and you're getting paid a nice amount and you like working with kids although you said you don't really.

No. Then decide what you wanna do next and make a move when it makes financial sense. But if you're not in a good financial position, get out. And I lean towards get out and start your own thing. Here, here, anyway. Definitely. Just as like a general rule of thumb. Yeah.

Because it sounds like you're in a weird little holding pattern. Yeah. And especially when it's surrounded by family, a lot of your 20s should be breaking the weird habits your family relished upon you. Or become your own guy. And the longer you stay there, the more it feels like you're not gonna do that.

And you're gonna end up being some weird, like, 40-year-old nanny at this backwater town. But he's clearly kind of a wishy-washy guy. You know, he's like, I don't like him. What should I do? I don't know what I wanna do. Like, you gotta figure something out, man. You gotta take a leap, go try some shit.

Absurable. Yes. go try some shit. Travel. Yes. Do some scary shit, because it seems like this life is comfortable and not rewarding. Yes. You need to try something uncomfortable that's potentially rewarding.

Exactly. Join the army. Yeah. Go to Ukraine. You gonna let Putin get away with this? Yeah. What area code is that? Just out of curiosity.

I wanna know where this guy is. I don't know if we should devolves. You probably shouldn't tell, but let's know for ourselves. I just wanna know where this guy is living. Oh, that's what. That makes a lot of sense. Yeah, it's sad, let me know. That makes a lot of sense.

Yeah, get the fuck out. Yeah. You're so close to a lot of cool places. You are, you are. Get the fuck out, bro. We believe in you. Yeah. All right, let's get a nice banger to see our friend mark off here with thanks for coming

Hey, thanks for having me. It's fun Uh-oh he doesn't have one This is a good no that's a whole minute and a half. Yeah, that's kind of what's really slow this down Man, why should have known better than to ask I'll just to do his job Oh man, why should have known better than to ask elders to do his job? Fuckin' hell, baby. The square-headed piece of shit. Uh-huh. So I am.

Oh, and now he's going to a long one. All right, all this. He, Stavros, calling in here. I am, I just need me some context. I'm a 31-year-old virgin by choice. Ooh, hashtag, save-of-myself for marriage. Oh no. My question is. I'm gonna try to respect you even though I don't have a child. Virgin by choice Hashtag even myself for marriage. Oh, no My questions I'm gonna try to respect you even though I don't have a good friend started over a couple of seconds friends

Even myself for marriage Polaris My question is gonna be about a year ago how to get friend try to set me up with one of his friends We went out with my other friend, guy friend, and how to get time. Seems to be some chemistry there. But I was getting another girl at the time, so I let go. Pause the sec. Wide by for now.

You were dating a girl, but you don't get pussy. So you had a per you and a girl watched movies together every once in a while. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm going to stop disrespecting the fundamentals of your lifestyle. So then six months passes. I'm single again and I Kexger asked me if she'd like you on a date She responds saying That basically God told her Jamie even though she finds me Smart and handsome Brilliant my question. How do I get around this or how do I change?

How do I change my dogs mine? this. How do I get around this or how do I change my God's mind. I will send you I guess on Twitter a screenshot of the pretty hilarious text that she sent me four contacts as well. So hopefully you can solve my face here. Hey pal. Thanks. Have a good day. Live by the retarded sword die by the retarded sword. This is the same God that won't let you get pussy and he's taken away some bitch that might fuck you in five years. Time for a

change pal. That's all I'm saying. Come over to the fucking heathen lifestyle. God told her first of all salute to this girl. Yeah, well done. Really? Really nice. God your ass. She threw the book at him. I mean she was like, hey, God, the Bible says I can't even smile at your hand. He's smart and handsome, but oh, God. Hey, you know how it is with God.

You got to listen to him. I mean, that's why you haven't so much just sniffed a clip in the last 31 years. Oh, ironically, she'll never kneel before you. That's why you haven't so much a sniff the clip in the last 31 years Ironically, so never kneel before you Man, okay, so I mean your first of all buddy I Know you're a virgin by choice, but then you really think God told her not to date you Come on dude. You think God was like, no, don't go out with him and watch Kevin Sorbo's new movie. She doesn't want to go out with you, you fucking prick.

And she used the fucking bullet proof get out of date free card man I should switch to Muslim just a women can't talk easy route you gotta go muzz you gotta go or if you want to stay Christian Mormon you know if you know if you're so he might actually be who knows. Oh, but look, dude, I don't know what the thing. I mean, yes, how do I go scroll to the bottom also see the end of his question the exact. How do I get around this or change God's mind? To me, the fact that you've been

wondering this means go ahead and treat yourself to some head. Yeah, please. You think you should stay a virgin, but you, so let's say God did tell her not to date you. Okay, let's just say that happened. It's isn't that your responsibility to listen to that? Now you could argue, well, you're a woman, you didn't, you couldn't define his true meaning clearly.

We should go to a priest. That's caller bluff, take her to a priest. Yeah. Right. We like, oh, that's very interesting. Let's go talk to the priest about this. I love the idea to have changing God's mind. Yeah. That's why I changed God's mind. Oh, there's a drought. Hold, let me talk to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll change his mind.

And even if you could change it, using it on this. Yeah. Yeah. Using it on it on this Yeah Using it on going on a couple of celebrate dates before she breaks up with you later We need to get you soaking yeah, we need to get youin' up as your best friend jumping on the bed next to you. That's what we use, that's what we say. We're God's fucking mind for. All right, man, so look, you know what it is.

She doesn't wanna fuck. She doesn't wanna marry and then fuck you in five years or whatever. Mm-hmm. How you go about it? You own to the next. Find yourself a nice, go to a nice pot like go to a church dinner. I don't even know.

Jesus hung out with prostitutes. I'm just saying. Shit yourself. Absolutely. Absolutely, dude. I think you could, you could definitely, there's no way that shit was, but here's the thing, dude.

31, you don't already be fucking close to dead when Jesus was around. Even if he wanted you to be a virgin. Good boy. You didn't want you to be a virgin. Good boy. He didn't want you to be 31 and be in a fucking computer program or either. He wanted you know what I mean? You're doing a lot of shit, Jesus is so so on.

You might as well treat yourself to some tits. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. But I'm like, let's say you want to maintain this, this ain't the girl for you. This isn't going to be your eventual wife. You got to move on and and you gotta, you know, go to Golden Carousel with a different woman.

And rub one out for the sake of, you know, a la, because, you know, this guy's gonna shoot up a school. He's not getting late. Women are using God to turn him down. That's how he can't jerk off, because that's a little legal or whatever. He got it, he's got a jerk off. I hope so.

You gotta be jerking off. Tell me you're jerking off. Please be jerking off. And if you're jerking off, why aren't you just getting some pussy? Yeah, exactly. But look, again, that's your belief. I don't wanna attack it stupid as I might find it.

Whatever that's your thing. This ain't the one for you. Move on to the next, my friend. And priests are fucking kids, so if you get laid by a consensual woman. And you know, as a guy went to Catholic high school, they will forgive you. Yeah, that's not forgiving.

That's the other thing. You're kind of spitting it. What if my man get crucified for? If you can't ask for a two over on some pussy? Yeah. Here, now go get nailed. If you can't ask for a two over on some pussy. Yeah. Yeah. Now go get nailed. You're being the asshole by not asking for forgiveness, been sinning after God, you know,

after the Italians and Jews set Jesus up. Yes. So take that, take that for where it's worth, pal. Good luck. And we're rooting for you. But man, God told her not to date me. That's classic. She's the fucking man, she rules.

Good for her. I wonder if she give up pussy? That's interesting. Oh yeah. Is there like a whole group of 30s in the celibate? Probably. Yeah, probably. Wow.

They're out there. We know one, I'll tell you off air. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I know you're talking about. Okay. But that's one though. You know what I mean? Like, what do they date?

Is it like a group, I guess, in church? Sure. Anyway, we've had enough fun at your expense, my no pussy getting friends. Thank you, everybody. Thanks, Mark, for coming to the show. Thanks for everybody for calling in 904 800 stuff. Eldis, you pulled through that.

It was a great call at the end. Good call. It was touching go, but you know that. Yeah, give yourself the right call. Thank you. Thank you. Go ahead, give it to you, Sean. Thank you.

Mark, thanks buddy. You want anything to, what do we plug and what are we saying? Hey, I got two pods, two days of stories. We might be drunk. check out out to lunch. Got a new special coming out at the end of the year, giving it a goog and brazilah. That's right. Go see Mark, go see Mark in person if he's in your town.

Come see us on the road, stavvy.biz for tour dates that the fat rascal tour is selling out all over the place. And yeah, that's gonna do for us folks. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together?

We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me and whenever I drive by that location it always makes me smile. Not long ago my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family,

whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.