Stavvy's World - Mike Recine

Episode Date: January 30, 2023

Mike Recine joins the pod to discuss believing in Santa until he was in his teens, the wonders of fatherhood and family life, bowing to the YouTube algorithm gods and helping callers including a guy wondering if he should move across the country to start a life with a woman he met at an anime convention and a man whose father has a dark secret from his past in the military.Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb There it is The music the beautiful music I've missed so much. Hello everybody and welcome to The beautiful music I've missed so much. Hello everybody, and welcome to Stavis World. I got my boy, Micraseen, on deck. Hello. We're looking nice. He came in in the track suit.

I said, let's go track suit, baby. The whole team's track suit it up, except, of course, super producer, Eldis, and his LL Bean. Looking cute. Looking real, looking real main lesbian today. Yes, he was dressed like, I believe he called himself Albanian Dundee. He was in all khakis. And we could dress like a different type of lesbian. Oh, every day it would be nice.

Because there's actually a lot of types of lesbeths. There's a full taxonomy of lesbeths. Have you seen, there's a guy who like chops wood on tiktok And he's like, you know, he's just like he grunts and women, you know, women get all aroused over it Apparently, there's a there's an outdoorsy lesbian who chops wood. I've seen that. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, interesting look Yeah, respect to her respect because you know, I and she did it it with a sword which I like here's a problem I want to know it's not your part. I was about to say. Yeah, I really want to get into this you start over No, no, no, we'll just believe it. It's not your fault

It's not your fault. I was about to be like I want to get into this deeper. However, we've been getting Stomach world. This is a it's a it's a we're trying to figure it all out here. You know, YouTube, we've been getting something in our tushies by YouTube. They've been doing something to our tushies. They've been graping you. They've been great. Financial. Grape.

Grape, you think grape works? That's what they do on TikTok. Yes, and it's making me want to unalive myself as they also say on TikTok. So we're going to try and you think here on Stavis World where you're doing sags in my a dollar sign. They were doing, YouTube is doing sags in our a usual sex. In our dollar sign. $8. $8. We've been having a couple issues with monetization and them saying that our fun uplifting program.

Well, we're trying to help the youth. That they're saying that it is not, it should be, you should have to sign and improve your over 18 to watch it. So we're gonna try a thing where we don't curse for five minutes. I can do that because I'm trying to do it at home. Okay, who's gonna try?

You're gonna try, yeah. Maybe we'll just like get rid of, it'll be funny to do a really abrupt cut. Guys, the cut that Eldis did at first is me and Mike accidentally dropping F-bombs. Not 45 seconds into this new policy. So you're watching this, there's been an abrupt cut. So we're gonna give it five minutes

where we try not to curse. And then hopefully that tricks are beautiful overlords. Listen, I don't believe in God, I believe in YouTube. Please, the Google Corporation, keep monetizing us. Eldis has to buy more LL bean sweaters. He has to look like a different kind of homosexual woman. Every, you should, that should be your look. But, I knew it already is, but.

And it actually fully 100% is. You, you, you and, you and some like, some light, not even like the full butch stud, but like a, a soft butch. L, this is style of soft butch. For sure. I wanna see you do like a bushwick pit bull as beat. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah, yeah, yeah. She's the one who's walking the pit bull. She's walking the pit bull. And then her girlfriend is like the more lipstick. Right, right, right. Yeah, I don't think you could pull off lips. You got a shave. Huh?

You think you could be, I don't think you have soft enough features. You have, we've covered this, he has the hips for it. Eldis does have a beautiful, I have this shape. He does have a beautiful hourglass figure. And he can put his legs behind his head. Oh yeah.

Legitimately. Nice. So yeah. It would really come in handy if you wanted to do some sex in his $1, $1, $1. Do you ever think about if you were a girl like the type of girl you would be, what you would look like? Because I hope that I would have big-ass little titties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh like a nice sea. Yeah, like that is awesome when those surprise you. Yeah, because I listen

I love big naturals. I love big fakes. I like them big obviously. I'm a record. Yeah, and I like to see them a mile away Okay, you know, I usually I don't you know subtle they don't have to be subtle is what I'm on record. And I like to see him a mile away. Okay. Usually, they don't have to be subtle, is what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah, yeah. However, when they sneak up on you. When they sneak up on you. When a pair of bros, yeah, little things. They're little, but they're round as hell.

Not S. They just kinda sit there. They're very round and they're popped up. And you're like, these are like first round draft pick, number one draft pick, breast. These are LeBron James. What LeBron James is to athletics, these titties are two titties.

You know what I mean? It's Girlnex door titties. Girlnex door titties, thank you all. Thank you. Yeah. I do like this a lot of wagon though. And then a big wagon. That's what I would want to be. Honestly, oh, that's a nice. Well, you're of course. Yeah, that's how my that's my mom's body

It wouldn't be funny if we all said what we said and then we looked back and we picked our mom Because I really did think when you said that, I really kind of thought like, look, I'm a thick man. Yeah. And I have women in my, in my family who are kind of like, you know, big thighs, you know, like that kind of like a, like a, like a thick, you know, like your Gina caranos without the M.A. training. But I think you'd be the opposite of what you are.

I, that's, that's what I like to think. Cause right now I have big tits and like a flatish as a man. Well, I like this is Italian philosophy. It's like, if I was a woman, I would be the opposite. I got a little tits and a flatish, I had big tits and a big age. Like it's just the yin and yang. It's like you're the exact, because there's nothing, if we know anything about gender,

it's that a man is the exact opposite of a woman. Opposite of a woman. Yeah. Yeah. And you, there's two, there you could be one or the other. Yeah. There's only two choices. There's only two choices.

Don't get us fucking started right now folks. That shit drives me insane. That shit drives me fucking. Drop me up a wall. Now let's talk about what kind of girls bodies we want. We're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, we're saying, I'll do this on anthropology That's more of a mic on brunch look But there's only two and you can't switch no matter how much you think it would be cool. I'll never be a girl And no one else will be I would like to sit so I think I would be a thick girl. I'll be honest here. I would be

absolutely Bone if I was a woman with my with my like Proportions like a because it's so much harder to be like the loud like you can be a loud fun Fat lady. Yeah people like you. Yeah, but the percentage is much smaller Loud fun fat guy is one of the is one of the best facts What to be yeah, and a lot of if you if you take that like Rosio Donald Straight Rosio Donald right take the lesbian thing out of it. Yeah, yeah straight Rosio Donald No one's no one's creature like they do John Candy, right?

You know, I mean Melissa McCartney's the closest we've got yeah, and it took How long we never had a Melissa a Melissa McCarthy until the 2000s. You're telling me there were no fat fun ladies in the fucking 30s. And any of the guys. They're more, but they call them fat whales. You're like, all right. They didn't get any cock.

A couple very charismatic ones. It's just a harder game. And I just, it's hard enough to just be a fat man. Fat people in society, no one respects. Like on a baseline level. Everyone thinks, I guarantee you if there was a study and you just showed the fat version of someone in the, like, someone who lost 30 pounds

and you're like, who's smarter? 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just, it can be the same person. Jared Logan used to have a joke where he's like, yeah, I'm interviewing for jobs and I'm like a heavier guy and you know that they're just coming in like,

this guy's gonna get marinara sauce everywhere. Yeah. He's gonna microwave fragrant leftovers. His Chinese food will stink up the, you know, the break room. So I would like to think that I'd be a fat fun lady, but there's not a lot of fat fun ladies. They're not respected in society. Yeah, yeah. Like it's just, even Rebel Wilson people like shut up. Exactly. And then, yeah, she's fucked both ways, because it's like, oh, she's like a fat fun lady, whatever.

And then she loses weight and they're like, fff, yeah. Look at this, do you think she's hot? We remember when you were fat, bitch. You're not gonna trick us. That's a very, very, very, very, very hot thing. It's like, there's no no good way one or the other. But I think I would just be a fat fun girl.

I'm sucking dick so much. You know, everyone's getting sucked off by me at high school, you know what I mean? Cause the flip side of the ins... An in-cell becomes, if you to do Italian philosophy here again, a guy who really wants pussy but doesn't get it. Yeah. Because he wants a connection with a girl. The flip side would be like, oh, somebody would let me suck their digs. I'll suck anyone's dig if they're

close to me. I would get ran through so fast. If you were a girl. Because I would be looking for the connection. The same connection I couldn't get when I was in high school. I just wanted, you know what I mean? You flip that around. I would have gotten ran through. I probably would be great at sucking dick. I'm gonna eat in pussy too. Oh probably. When I feel like I think back to the women who were the best at sucking dick, some of them were a little, yeah.

A little, a little, a little, a little, a little, a little on the heavy side. Which is great. I think I married the wrong person actually. You should have gone plus size. You should have gone plus size, yeah. Interesting. Yeah, I'm gonna think, you know,

out of my personal experience, I can't really say, I think that's, I think that's more fat phobic, that's a fat phobic stereotype, where it's like, oh, they're good at... Oh, the fat bitch loves sucking day. Uh-huh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do have to say I have had some top notch head

from women of all shapes and sizes here, but and in fact, probably the best top of my life was from a very petite woman I must say. So I hope you know I love the fact commuter. You know, Gowse, I'm sorry for, Racine went to bat for you. He said you're all real cock suckin' slops. And I said not all of them.

That would be funny to just like you get it, it's like you're dating a very overweight woman and she's like, yeah, I don't do that. And then she's like, she puts a whole corn dog in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You see her take a full popsicle, put it in the bathroom, don't let it melt and drink it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a lot, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are it's bitter. Yeah, yeah. What are you looking at? What are you looking at? Why don't you take a picture in a last longer? Oh, we don't want to skip you in terms of what kind of woman would you be, of course.

I know you've gave it some thought. I think I'd be, I don't know. I feel like I'd just be somewhere in the like, kind of frumpy, like, brir-y-ed. You guys are all different. You you would definitely a frumpy librarian probably not that different from what I looked like on my hairs yeah that's a thing you're what we were picking up on

earlier calling you a lesbian is like you on the gender spectrum are in the bell curve you're here you know what I mean it's like here's feminine here's masculine you're kind of in the right where the curve goes your hips literally you chop your cock off it's really a shame you're not trans honestly It's like, here's feminine, here's masculine. You're kind of in the, right where the curve goes. Your hips, literally. You chop your cock off. It's really a shame you're not trans, honestly, because you do have the hips for it.

You would have some nice titties on estrogen without question. I remember one time in elementary school, I played a mistrenched bull. I remember in Matilda, we were in that production together. Yeah. And I feel like, you know, it probably wouldn't be too far from that, but like much more mild man.

By the way, you crushed mistrustful, dude. I was pissed off, because you know, we were, but we're, you know, at the time, I'm like a fucking, I'm a fucking... No, they didn't cast you. I think I was, I think I would, I might as well be the type of... We were even the type of...

We were even the type of... I think I had a very minor role. Yeah, I was type cast, and I will say, I was young, we were one third grade. This is like, yeah, I think I had a mind, I'm very mind-er-old. Yeah, I was type cast and I will say, I was young, we were one third grade. This is like, yeah, I think it was third grade. So I still had a really ambitious drama teacher being like, and Stavros, you're my Matilda. Yeah.

Actually, maybe I was her dad. Maybe I was Danny DeVito. That would have been a good one. But I want, but, and I think I was like, wow, that's how you knew Elders crushed it. Cause third grade me, I was hating, I was like, damn damn that man, I wish I did that that fucking crush it. He really yeah Every he was getting elementary school. He did the whole the whole show. I think it was scenes from it Wasn't it think of a scenes are like some condensed version in like the library?

It was in the library for like 20 people or something Yeah, but honestly, I literally it have an image of Eldis doing that. That's fun as a kid, because like, you know, you get to like dress as and play a woman that just feels like a little flourish. Yeah, it's also the 90s, so different than now. Of course. Someones parents would probably get mad at that shit or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I played Ali Hackam in Oklahoma in high school. And I definitely wore brown face. Or there's like definitely pictures of me as an Arab guy and with brown, with like shit brown makeup on my face. It wasn't even like subtle, you know? I know, I mean in college people were doing,

like in college it got to the point where people were doing realistic skin tones. And that's what they thought was woke. Like there was a girl who did, who was Bob Marl, just the dumbest stoner you've ever met with like, she have white dreads even. And it's like, you're almost there. Don't put, and she just put on like light black face.

And she's like, no, but it's not black. She's like, this is what is skin. What? This is still wrong. And she was also like a tan. We didn't know. Yeah, but it's just like, this is what is skin, what? It's like, this is still wrong. And she was also like a tan. Oh, we didn't know. Yeah, but it's just like, it was just her, it's funny because she thought about it.

It wasn't like, she thought about it and she was like, I should do light brown. She wasn't like, I shouldn't do it. Because even at that same party, there was a friend of ours, dressed as Lil Wayne, white guy, crushed it. Didn't do it, did the tattoo, did a wig. So it was like, we kind of,

it kind of like they intersected there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess it is, you kind of inherently know that that's wrong, right? It's just, I mean, I don't know, I don't, you know, I don't know if you do inherently, what, you know, what were you thinking we were throwing on the brown face?

I was ordered to do it by the director. The good nots, yeah. The good nots. The good nots. I was just following orders. I just did what Mrs. Qsack told me to do. All right, yeah, you're the boss. And this is, this was where you grew up in Jersey, right? Jersey, yeah.

Jersey, yes. So you were, I'm not familiar with Oklahoma. I'll just show you. It's like, yeah, there's with Oklahoma. I'll just are you? Yeah, there's a guy I'll just engage you but literature and shit and plays not I'm not going to Not as musicals. I feel you feel like you're more of the musical realm than I am I would probably say where I'm closer to musicals than you are I've dated girls that love musicals and I do like some gays it's fine. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I want to think with the best. I was it we were that's another In elementary school. We I was I would do musicals. I want before my voice dropped. I could sing. Oh, yeah

It's I was like this fat little Like with a high-ass voice and I could sing so I did do musicals in elementary school. Yeah, what was the thing? We did the big wheel Who's that clown show? Clowns? I think it was just called Clowns. Yeah, interesting. Barely remember that shit, but I got to pick a me from that.

It was a little top hat. Shout out, we did have a gay drama teacher who was, he crushed it. He was, I don't even wanna say his name, just cause, but if you're listening, you're the man, but we don't wanna put you on blasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause he might not be out to his family or.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He might not be out to his family. Oh, yeah, yeah. He might still be stuck in 2003. Yeah, but it was funny because we just didn't, you know, we're, he was again in second or third grade and we went to see him. Remember, what was he in like Peter Pan or something? I don't remember. I don't think I even realized he was. We didn't know he was gay.

Yeah, like, we literally, I remember asking my mom about like, this guy at my school is awesome. Yeah, no, literally it was the thing where I was like, I wonder what Mr., oh, I almost said it. I wonder what his wife is like. And my mom laughed. And I'm like, what? And she's like, I don't think he has a wife.

And I'm like, oh, just a, just a push down like this. I mean, the man keeps singing. He can dance. He must be asking and asking and asking all the time. But yeah, good. I can do this. I can, I can not curse. Yeah, yeah.

Well, we have to say with the, we're kind of fat bitch. We're kind of fat cock suckin' goblin' when we curse. I think, I think we got to titties at around five minutes. Okay. We should be okay. If I was a lady, I would put my mouth on so much penis. I would really be selling a doctor.

I would be performing a lot of phalacio. I would be a phalacio demon. Lots of men, yeah. I would be the demon of phalacio. I would be a philatio demon. Man, yeah. I would be the demon of philatio. I would be the Greek town slam piece for sure. My vagina would never stop dripping semen. It's semen.

Oh fuck, did you do a lot of, did you do a lot of theater when you were in? Were you like, I'll see, actually. Yeah, yeah, I did. Yeah, I went to like theater. Yeah, it was like kind of like my thing. Of course. Yeah, did improv. Oh, nice.

Yeah, I like, yeah, it's fun. Yeah. I mean, I was the same thing. I went to this program called the School, the Twigs program at the Baltimore School for the Arts. And it was, I was like, this is sick, I love it. And there's girls. Yeah, there were girls.

There was girls, true. Yeah. You can like give them a massage maybe. Yeah. If you're not too fat and weird, I was too fat and weird, but if you play your cards right now. No, it's true.

There were hot girls. Because we all we knew, we're fucking Greek town. Like an eldest moved out. Elder's is a traitor. He went to the suburbs in third grade. But all we knew was East Baltimore, like Southeast Baltimore. What's that like more urban?

It's just, yeah. Sir, it's trash. It was very diverse. Like we did have like, like our school growing up, shout out to John Ruhrer elementary school. Yeah. It had like a bunch of different like flags because we had a huge Greek community.

We had a ton of, put your mic a little lower, boy. Yep. We had a ton, we had a bunch of, we had a big Greek community. We had a bunch of like, had a big Greek community, we had a bunch of South American immigrants. A lot of, there was like, even though there weren't that many, I think there's also the hospital, there was Bayview right there,

so there was a lot of Indian and Chinese kids from like, who were first generation like Doc, because they were building up Hopkins and just bought our shitty hospital. So they were building it up. I guess before that, it was just stupid Greek doctors. They were like, only smoke a little bit if you have flu.

If you have the flu, don't smoke a marbled or light. So not it's when you have a fever. My house was pretty diverse too. And I think that's why I'm a little racist. Because if you had to be around teenagers, you know, that's when you like form your opinion very quickly. Well, our actually, our our shit was like not,

our elementary school was, it was like very different, you know, pretty diverse. But then when we, when, when I went to middle school anyway, and we had, we split off, it was mainly like, it was, it was like, you know, there's like 10% white kids, mostly black kids, and then like, you know, just your random smattering of whatever else. So it wasn't like as much of a melting pot as like as elementary school was, but it was a melting pot, but everybody was fucking poor. And it was like, all the gold like dude, I don't know if I've

told the story of the pod yet, but one of the, in preschool, you know, they match you up with like a partner, a play partner. And I had this little girl who was like, let's play House and her idea of playing House was she put a baby, the baby don't in her dress. And she yelled at me. And she was like, sweep, and she was like, you know what I'm saying? And I was like, sweet, and she's like, you know what I'm saying?

And I was like, dude, I was just fat little nerd. Like my family wanted to have me so bad. We was like, I was an in vitro kid. Oh yeah. First, so I was sheltered. Like so sheltered, I had like a Greek accent. I didn't even speak English well when I went to preschool. And I was like, so scared of this like, you know,

little bit of a tragedy. She was a little bit of a tragedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, and bit more trash girl. Yeah, a little bit more trash girl. So anyway, and I go to twigs, and that's the thing about Baltimore's like, there are like rich communities that just, you know, usually run into. And then there at twigs,

it was like all these like rich girls that were like, I'm gonna go to the school for the odds, you know, they were like, and they were hotish. Like, we didn't have the one, the one group we didn't have in Greek town was Jews. And that's when I was like, damn, was he just fucking curly hair girls with big tears? You know, like 13, they're 13, they have big guys.

Did some like, this is fucking cool. And then, and I was like, I don't know, it was just like, you know, I was okay and I think whatever. I felt comfortable there in a way, maybe I didn't. And I started talking to girls and then. You're probably funny, right? Cause I remember like, yeah. Funny, yeah, exactly.

I was funny for sure. When you don't have the outlet, you're funnier. And then the gayest thing in the way, I don't really like really date or anything, right? Would you know what I'm saying? Cause I didn't, but I think I could have. Well, exactly. That's the thing is like, what annoys me is that in my head, so I quit the after school program

in middle school to play sports. Cause I was like, I don't want, cause I was like, I don't wanna do no gay shit. Be, you know, be in the theater club, cause you know, the guy, the guy was gay as hell, and you have all this like homophobia when you're just so, of course, yeah. When you're like, go.

Especially back then. Exactly, it's like, Kids today don't know. Yeah, they don't know, they't know the ingr... you know growing up in a low-income Immigrant community in the late 90s early 2000s We were homophobic. What do you want? We've you know so I had all this like shit where I'm like oh I don't want to do gay shit. Yeah. Let me go instead hang out with just dudes Get no pussy and play soccer or, or whatever the fuck it was. And in hindsight, if I had done the gay thing,

I'd probably would have gotten my dick sucked. You probably had your dick sucked when you were like 12. When I was exactly, instead of having to wait when I was like, instead of having like some girl rub my limp penis because I was too drunk when I was like 17, for the first time. A girl who might have had herpes. And the bar so low, the bar so low

when you're 12 years old for what's funny. Because I would just like watch comedy central and then like repeat stuff I heard with the people they call. Oh, my move when I was a hack at, you started, everyone starts as a hack, whether you know it or not. It's whether you do it when you're 10 or you do it

when you're 30. You're 30, yeah. I would when we had these Greek school, where are these Greek trips to like, you know, Kings Dominion or whatever, like they would take us to a water park or whatever, or even New York sometimes from Baltimore. I would go and like,

aidazeejokes.com, and I would just read, and I would read and I would be like, that's not good enough. And I'd be like, okay, yeah, that's good. And I literally put and I'd be like, that's not good enough. And I'd be like, okay, yeah. And I literally put a set list together of jokes I found on the internet. One of my big ones was like, the classic like, would you like, you know,

there was a gorilla that needed to be, they needed to have a baby or whatever. Essentially a boy was down to like, they asked, the joke boils down to, would you have sex with a gorilla for a million dollars, and the guy goes, all right, but you're gonna have to give me a second to get a million dollars.

I still remember that one crossing. That one got me to feel a titty on the back of the bus. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. I had a Rodney Dangerfield cassette tape. And my friend Mark, he was in eighth grade. And so the eighth grade is sat in the back of the bus. And he invited me to the back of the bus.

And he was like, do some stand up. And I just did like, yeah, my wife points back. My wife wants to have sex in the back seat of the car. She wants me to drive. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. But I was also like, yeah, I was chubby,

so I didn't realize that I probably could have, I think there was a girl that sat in front of me at play practice. And I would like, I had like me and my friend Nick had a character, he was like, we were just acted gay. He's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, I mean, how many so good people's name would be like I'm hi, I'm toon and I'd be like I'm Renee Think this girl that sat in front of me. I think she did like me, but I I don't know Well, I I remember another one that haunts me is that,

you know, I went to, so I went to middle school and like I said, I heard her say, like I like you one time, like under a bread, but I was like, oh, it's not talking to me. Excuse me, I'm in the middle of Qwan and Renee. I'm about to suck Renee's chock. So why don't you just chill out? Let me get through this.

You've been practicing. Let me finish our bit, please. We finished our bit with Twine and Renee 69. After going and teaking all morning. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, I like this lamp, Renee. Why don't you put it in my ass, Twine? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

It's like they're really bad. The cat is doing it. The cafeteria's rocking. Rock is applause. It's like they're really The capeterious rock The yearbook just says class clown it's you like this Start roll up. Yeah, yeah, start roll up hoop earrings Yeah, there was there was definitely literally I think again I don't know if I've told the story on this one or come down or what that type of comedy is like over now But that is sort of fun. Like, it's fun.

Well, yeah. It's like a kid doing that. If my kid did that, I would like laugh. Yeah. I'd be like, you can't do that outside the house. Good instincts, pal. Good instincts. You know what a bit is.

But it's the same way it's like a baby being like, my shirt is orange. You're like, good job, buddy. But if a grown man was like, my shirt is orange, you're like, good job buddy. But if a grown man was like, my shirt is orange. You're like, shut up, you fucking idiot. That's like, baby comedy is thinking anything different than you was funny. And gay, anything flamboyant is funny. So something different and flamboyant

is gonna be hilarious. But it's like the same way, it's not impressive. If a grown man knows what color his shirt is, it's not impressive if he acts gay. Right. You know, but if a baby can act, if like a five year old can act gay and crush the voice. But there's elements of comedy in that, like doing the character exaggerating. Exactly. You know, picking something about a character and exaggerating the part to that, yeah.

So basically what we're saying is you can be homophobic until like you're nine. Yeah, right. I was like, if you're trying to get into the comedy, you're like in your mid 20s, just start acting gay in front of the mirror and just kind of see where that goes. And then maybe you graduate to like Chinese, a woman. Yeah. Right. Actually, I remember this old comedy special, there was this red skeleton was on PBS,

and he's like an old-time comedian, and he does this routine, and he goes, all right, my next routine, I call this woman driving a car. And he just kind of like, yeah, he's just like, he's just like doing his makeup, and he's doing it in a theater in front of like, you know, in 2000. And that was the, that was the big.

That's awesome. Oh my pussy hurts. Oh geez, my clam is soaking. Yes. Yes. Well, you know, I was thinking the other day, I love, you know what I love, mango the fruit. I love it sweet, it's delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango pre-cut from a beautiful market here.

You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad. You know many times I've I've gotten sucked off be like this actually One time I don't have to say I was like want to come back for some fruit salad And I thought it was smooth and then some some girl, after she fucking was like, that was so weird, you asked me to come over for a fruit salad. I was like, I don't know. I wasn't drinking at the time. Well, they say mangoes are an effort, Dziak.

Well, here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point, because I was eating the mango. And oftentimes I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. And I was thinking to myself What if this mango made my dick hard? Now that would be something else that be awesome and I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game You know, I'm a dick pill evangelist. They'll this you know. I'm an ED

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you and your partner are going to love it. That goes double for you, LD. I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious get an Airbnb.

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justification, get an Airbnb. Oh, that's all, yeah. Well, it is funny to, it's interesting to look at how comedy evolves. Yeah, because yeah, because it's now it's evolving past us. For sure. There's something else. There's new stuff that's coming that we don't understand. By the way, I'm not going to find a funny. No, I'm going to be like, you don't have to.

I'm good. Yeah. You can just check out and you by the way don't say it's not funny just understand you're all that it doesn't matter right and what you have to say is not interesting anymore yeah if it fucking ever was yeah it is funny to just watch like stand up from the 90s and you're like yeah yeah yeah right got us got see a TV show with 11 seasons off this shit. Off essentially woman driving her car.

A little updated. But then you look at like Gen Z kids on TikTok and they'll be like, yeah, millennials are not funny. Millennials just think that being racist is funny. Yeah, and you're like, yeah, you got kind of a point. You got us there.

Yeah, you got us there. And that's where not. But make a funny joke also at the same time which plenty of Yeah, which is Gen Z is Gen Z funny? How old what's the oldest the Gen Z person? I would guess like 25 that's that's probably Who gives a fuck fuck fuck them. We're podcast? And we're gonna podcast until we die. Yeah, yeah. I hope, yeah, I hope thoughts like, what kind of bitch would I be

are profitable well into my 50s? Cause it ain't stopping. Yeah. I do like, so you were a chubby, were you a chubby kid your whole life? Cause that's interesting. Cause I know, cause you do have a little bit of like,

you have a pinch of body dysmorphia, you constantly, you worry about your weight in a way that I'm like, why does he carry, you know, your handsome guy, your married, you have a beautiful son, it's like, you should be past giving a fuck, but clearly there's something in you that you're still worried about like,

how your body looks, all that. Were you, I mean, were you bullied cause you were like fat? Yeah, I think a little bit, but I mean everybody did. But it would probably be better, I think it's better you get bullied for that a little bit than to be like, you know, I don't know. Why I don't know?

Yeah, that's right. That's what you're doing pretty good. I'm the exception to prove the rule. But I do think I do. I've had tits forever. And I don't know what to do about that. Because I've always, my tits have always been bigger. Like the most prominent part of my body.

I don't know what to like. I wouldn't say your tits are your most prominent part. But if I take my shirt off, they're always like, there's always gonna be. This is your body before you're talking right now. Yeah. Were you bullied for your tits specifically? No, but I'm sure my mom had to like...

You know, my mom had to like... Pinched your tits. No, but my mom had to write a note and be like, he can't do the scoliosis screening with all the boys take their shirts off, because they're gonna laugh at his tits. Stop, stop, stop. Uh, do you have a memory of someone

that's specifically laughing at your tits as a boy? No, I just always like knew that I had them. And my mom was just being a mom. She was like, that's because you have a hole in your chest and we're gonna get you surgery to fix that Never got the surgery, so you actually have a hole in your chest. No, I don't think I do I think I just have a fat like some fat Yeah, that's super like overweight, but no, they're just like Well there they're definitely that's so the idea that you would be a woman with little tits as hilarious,

because clearly you'd have humongous tits. If even as a man. No, but I have big tits for a man. But that's what I'm saying. Because sometimes, because we had a friend who had like, straight up breasts. Like we had a friend growing up with like, the ones we were talking about earlier, like,

no, if I sit up like this, I look like a monkey. Like I looked like a lady monkey, a mom monkey with like a little baby. Was the rest of your family fat? Did you have fat people in the family? No, my dad's pretty like lean. Yeah, and then I guess my brother, my younger brother, the autistic one,

he's a little heavy, but you know, if you ate nothing but cheese, it's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If you had the sickest life of all time, cheese, snacks, yeah, yeah. Watching your favorite cartoons. Yeah, yeah, yeah, if you ate nothing but cheese, it's a Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah And then if they don't give you your snacks, you get to scream and throw Throw a fit and they have to call the cops and you have to hope the cops don't shoot your fun So the best the best thing to do is just hand a snack Was shark bites.

Yeah. Yeah. I'll be home. My parents, like, there's potato chips in the car. He wants to. Like, he's a bear. Like, there's a bear in the fucking house. Yeah.

During the car, though. Yeah. When they have pizza, the pizza goes in the garage on top of the recycling can. You still, like, go into the garage and like. I love he hasn't figured out the pizza system yet. His nose hasn't taken him there. He, yeah he has, but they do their best to like.

Sure, sure, sure. Minimized it, minimized it. Yeah, interesting. How many brothers do you have? Two, two sister. Oh, shit, I know, yeah, sister two. Yeah, she's the youngest. She have a pretty big family.

Yeah. And nobody else was chubby, huh? Now my sister was a little big. My one brother, he was kind of like lean like my dad. He played basketball. Hey, older brother. Younger brother. Oh, younger brother.

He was kind of like my dad on the oldest. But he was kind of like my dad's favorite. That, now we're getting to it. You had a fucking lean sexy younger brother. Lean sexy younger brother who played basketball. Who played basketball? Your dad respected. Your dad clearly didn't fuck with you didn't fuck We're getting done. Yeah, you're skinny dad and your skinny brother loved each other

Yeah, and fat Mike with the kids get left out. Yeah, yeah, where would you rank your suit? We just put yourself below your autistic brother in the rankings. I was probably yeah I was they spend more time with them. He seemed fine more Yeah, and they liked up. He's fun. Yeah, they liked they liked my sister because she was like the baby. Baby, you know, so you got fuck. I kind of got fuck in the power in the Racine Family power rankings. You're number four. I might be number four. Yeah, or it's a dead heat with your audience. Look at this special needs. Kid, you just kind of get like you're the oldest

that you kind of just get like you have to figure it out. out. So I was like, I was like working when I was 14 and yeah, I was like, they really left me to kind of fend for myself. And did you have a moment where you broke out of that like, chubby nerd? I think maybe you want to start it. Do you use the resentment towards your family and having tits and not getting pushy to like get like I

feel like Italian children start lifting weights like 15. I did lift weights actually you know funny story I actually kind of like I kind of sort of believed in Santa until I was 13. Because you know I had like my younger siblings so I kind of like held on to it for them, you know? But I was like, but I didn't I wasn't sure and I was kind of I was kind of on the fan's on the fan's and you had your you had your questions. Yeah, Santa. I had my dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And And I so so then I asked for weights one year. Oh, yeah. And so at like three in the morning I just heard my dad dropping the weights on the floor

and me like, ah, god damn it. And I was like, all right, there's no, all right, it's not Santa bringing me this weird bench and squat rack. That's awesome. Did you get shredded off the weights? Yeah, I did. Yeah, I got a little, I got a little jacked,

I would lift in my, but then I neglected comedy a little bit So I remember so it's like I was fat and then I was funny and then I started lifting weights But then what's also nice is you lift weights your dad stops hitting you It's my mom stopped hit me around 12 right and then my dad yeah Yeah, so part of me kind of feels like I still need to kick my dad's ass for a bit, you know. You could take him now, right? Yeah, I need to see his dick and kick his ass. You never see your dad's ass?

No, I've seen it, but it's much bigger in your head. In my head, it's like the size of a cocaine. So I need to like, I'll say, I saw my dad's penis lose his life. Oh, you did? Not recently, but like, you know, we're not, you know, when you're a grown man. When I'm a grown man.

And it is, unfortunately, he does have a bigger know, yeah later. I you know, you know, later grown man I'm a grown man. Yeah, and it is unfortunately he does have a bigger penis He does and that that is tough. Okay. He's got a nice piece But it's not the giant cock that I used to think you remember it and that helps that helps a little bit Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm just wondering if your father's penis. Oh, yeah, definitely I think it I think his is definitely got to be bigger than my You got it you got to have a bigger dick your dad for the podcast You're though you're our only hope I show be one canobi. Yeah, can you call him? I gotta I do have a bigger dick than my son. That's big Show him your cock off it. Yeah's big. That's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Show him your cock off in.

Burn that into his fucking brain. Yeah. Yeah. Beat his ass in sucky stick. Yeah. No, but your dad's ass in sucky mouth. But part of me feels like I need to bring my dad into the woods, like Laura into the woods

and pull his pants down. Just get a nice look at his dick. Just to know. And then be like, thanks, dad. And just, what the fuck? That's a fuck. Yeah. And they get it with one good one. Yeah, yeah to know. And then be like, thanks dad. And just, what the fuck? Yeah. And they get it with one good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You must have gotten it because if they liked it, if he liked your brother, your sister was a girl and the youngest. Your brother's autistic. Yeah. Special needs. Yeah, I think I must have gotten it. I think I did.

And for you, Wallop. Yeah. You got four kids. He hit my brother too. You know, with a belt and everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's like in a weird way. In a weird way, that's like inclusivity.

It's like, hey, we're gonna hit the fucking. We're gonna hit that one too. They didn't hit my special knees for it. That would have been funny. That would have been funny. He's like, look, he's got to feel normal. Look, I do it to everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want he will go to school and I will hit him. And I will not allow him to date a black retard. The same right. I'll let him date black regular girls. He's an Italian child that's through and through. He'll see my penis regularly. He will know I have a bigger penis in him. Yeah. My kid likes to I can't walk around the house naked cuz he'll like to gr- He grabs at my penis, which is very weird. I don't know what that's about. I don't know what that's about. Yeah, I mean, I guess if you're a baby and it's just some dangling. Baby doesn't really dangle.

My gosh, it's just kind of sits there. Is this because you grab your balls? Yeah, he'll like grab my dick and like and he'll get his nail like in my pee hole sometimes Really it really hurts a little short baby. I'm like stop it Yeah, that's when you hit your kid. Yeah, yeah, and I say to Devin like does he grab your pussy like that? Just think you know, I don't walk in my pussy out You on that one. Yeah. But no, I've never seen him like grab at her pussy. Yeah. I think it's more eat might look it might not dangle. Yeah. But it's

out. Yeah. In a way of pussy is more, you know, I don't know what your wife pussy looks like. I don't know. I don't know. What kind of lips? I thought everybody did. I thought you performed at Caroline's. You get to see my wife's pussy. No, no, I think she was gone by the time I was passed at Caroline's. So I don't know if we're talking about a lippy. She or I've seen some lippy pussy. She's like, I guess a baby could grab.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, she's not. No, no, no, no, no. So that's what I'm saying. I think it's more of a, yeah. But yeah, dude, yeah, no, she's not. No, no, no, no, no. So that's what I'm saying. I think it's more of a, yeah. But yeah, dude, unfortunately, you're gonna have to start wearing underwear until he knows it's weird to grab a dick. And then you pull your dick out again to show him who's boss. But you kind of have to figure out if your kids,

people say I don't care, but you gotta like figure out if he's gay, just so you can encourage him to, one where they want. Whatever it is, yeah. But I don't think him grabbing your dick is how he figured it out. Yeah, but I don't think him grabbing your dick is how he figured out. Yeah.

You show you kid straight porn and gay porn. You have two TV's and you're like, you see which one he crawls to. Yeah. And you're just like a TikTok challenge or they run away. See what he guys. Let's see if my son is gay. Finding out if my son is gay. Finding out if my son is gay. Oh, and that doesn't get banned, but my videos.

Yeah. You're rooting for gay son, is that correct? Yeah, I mean, if he is, I just want to make sure he's like the best gay guy that he can be. You know, because it's now entertainment is like full of that they're all doing very well Yeah, yeah, so you want to make sure that he's like Right way, I don't think he is though. He's into sports. He's very he's a lot He's almost to yeah, yeah, yeah, you never know. Yeah, you know, I think you I think you'd start telling what like four Like the most some kids are so obviously gay at like three

at the earliest, but then you know, others might take up until like 13, you know, some people don't. Some people is like so obvious. Yeah. And that is awesome. I love this. Cause there's that toddler dude, that's one of the best.

Well, cause it's funny, cause you hear these stories about like, you know, Tiger Woods is dad like coaching, but like, what if you could be that good of a coach for your gay son? And you just like, you just like showing him like, real housewives, being like, now what do you, she's kind of a bitch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like what do you think of this? What do you, is she serving Kant, would you say? Yeah. Kant, she's Kantie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's Jugi daddy. Yeah. I would love to see a baby. Yeah, that would be great. I'll baby watching RuPaul

Yeah, being like she's fat Get that fat slob off my TV Yeah, yeah, I would love I would it would be nice to have some some gay children in the family. Mm-hmm, but you know, your your your dees are too young to know one way or the other. Yeah, but I I doubt I mean the older one definitely she's like so girly. Yeah, yeah, like clearly very. Yeah, so far. Yeah, and the new baby, I mean, new baby. So far, yeah. And the new baby, I mean. New baby.

Yeah. Two weeks old. Yeah. Yeah. We are a friend, Christie. Like the old, the baby that's probably, I'm closest to, are one of our best friends. She was our old roommate in this apartment.

She recently had a kid. Okay. So maybe he's gay. Yeah. Yeah. I know you try to like figure it out just because. My little brother wants a gay son. Like he truly wants like a gay son. brother wants a gayson. He does.

He truly wants a gayson. He wants to like sit you. He wants to be good dancing and singing. See, that's what I thought I would have because I was like a theater kid. So like, I'm a theater kid. I podcast. I get on stage. I share my thoughts, you know, and it's like, but he's really into sports.

Yeah. So now I have to like get into sports. But that's cool too. I would like a gayson that's good. It's then you're really making really make money Yeah, cuz that would be huge like yeah, there was a rumor that Aaron Rogers was gay Mm-hmm, you know the quarterback even the Packers quarterback or whatever because there was that that one guy from the Raiders came out and there was that guy Michael Sam who kissed his twink the black guy who kisses to wink white boyfriend

When he got drafted. He didn't really go anywhere though. He wasn't very good. In and of him, he's not that good. That's when boyfriends like the Kardashian of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. It was all dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah, he has the Kardashian curse. But they was awesome to see like,

because you know there were racist homophobic guys that saw a giant black Eyewitnesses a little white guy. You just didn't know what upset them more. Yes, it was pissing me off. Which one of I mad at? Hahaha. But like if some superstar was gay, that would be sick, dude.

I would love that. Because I mean, I think they did a little bit in 21 Jump Street where it was like, they go back to school and the bullies, all the gay guys are bullies, not like the gay kids are bullies because they're funnier, they're sharper. But I wonder with less, I mean, not that we're gonna have less oppression

because they're trying to roll back. Shit, like, no, it does feel pretty different though. Yeah, they are trying to roll stuff back. Hey, it's weird, it's fucking weird. All the like, all the transphobia and all the like, maybe, and then like, people that are like, marriage should be between a man and woman, it's like, we're back to this again.

We're back to this, yeah. So, but in a perfect world, if like, you know, oppression was disappearing, I wonder if it would affect how funny and awesome they are. Because like, if you're, like, for example, New York City, white, rich, and guys. A lot of them had to be funny. Are not funny, you know what I mean?

They're like, in fact, all they do is steal from funny trans black women or like drag queens. They're like they are hacks. You know what I mean? They're squares. But I bet you like gay guys in Alabama are hilarious. You know what I mean? Because that's the historically art comes from the most,

you know, maybe we're overdoing it here. But I wonder if in a couple generations, like corny people people are just gay guys are just as corny as anyone. But for now, it would be nice to just have some gay, like a gay star quarterback. That would be good. Well, they're going to start sending straight white people to jail, so we'll be like, we'll be the get to be the cool ones again. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, that's about to be illegal.

We'll have a couple funny Republicans because they're all going to fucking true. Yeah, that's about to be illegal. We'll have a couple funny Republicans because they're all going to fucking jail. Yeah, you know what I mean? That's police are gonna start being funny because there's a war on police these days. There's a war on police. Yeah. Yeah.

Fuck, but yeah, that is nice man. And having a child, that must be, you truly became a family man over the pandemic in a real way. Yeah. You went in just like, you know, you had a good relationship and then it's like, yeah, let's get married.

Almost broke up with my, yeah, with my fiance and then I knotted it inside every few times. Just like, just to show how much I love her, you know. And here you are. And then here I am. I mean, you've got some Fisher price. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Now you're playing with toys. Yeah. It really does. It's cool. It must, it's a part of where you're like, damn, I guess this is just, I feel like it must be nice because it's like, well.

You just ain't getting to rewatch Disney movies. Well, yeah, you get to do kid shit. Yeah. And you get to watch the world through this kid's eyes. But also, is there a part of it that's nice because you're like, my real only job is this kid survives and isn't molested. You know what I mean?

Those are your two jobs. And everything else is like kind of... Which are both full-time jobs. Yeah. You know, every single person that comes under his care, you know, we know he likes to grab a cock. Yeah. He's already halfway there.

Yeah. Well, my parents will like drive up from Jersey to babysit. It's like an hour and change whatever drive. And a couple times I would leave them and he would cry. And I'm like, they're molesting him. You know, you can just drive, and find some cameras and everything. Or maybe your brother's just snatching Apple saw

side of his little spoon. Maybe., no, no, no. Or maybe your brother's just snatching apple sauce out of his little spoon. Maybe. He's just like, yeah. I mean, yeah. Did your parents immediately, because it seems like you have like, you know, obviously there's a lot of resentment there. Also, just from knowing you, it's like,

some of the ideas we were just talking about, the war on cops and marriage, that, you know, you guys guys differ from politically in many ways. But it hasn't been nice in terms of like, once you have a kid. Yeah, I need your parents so badly to take care of your kid. And my wife's mom does not around, and her dad's kind of a retard.

So he's like 75 years old, it doesn't get how to be a parent or a great parent really. We're driving down. I'm like, yeah, I got a show in Baltimore on Friday, so we'll come visit. And he's like, okay, you're going to come down Thursday or Friday. I'm like, we've jobs, you fucking mor, what do you think we do? Is he down there? Is he close to the pool?

He's in Delaware, yeah. Yeah, so on the way. Yeah. Are you already? Yeah, some bar show. Do you want to plug your shit like? We're at Illia Follies. Yeah, Follies. Yeah, so I'm doing that on February 3rd,

if you want to come out. That's a good, that's a fun place. It's a nice little upstairs. They have a nice separate area for a show. It's a good, it's a good, they used to do shows all the time. And then it's so funny how like in a scene shit is cyclical.

Like Baltimore comedy used to be really good good and like people forgot about things. It's like 10 years later. Yeah, it's like they uncover this like venue. It's like what's comedy shows? Yeah, yeah Yeah, I know Boston was kind of shady for a while and then Boston got good Boston's back Yeah, Boston needs to be like, you know, just angry Angry guys. Yeah, they had their golden age Yeah, and then it was just like guys pretending to be Bilbur. Yeah, I mean, and now guys. Yeah, they had their golden age. Yeah. And then it was just like guys pretending to be Bill Burr. Yeah, I mean, and now it's kind of nice now.

But, oh, I should have said in opening. Yeah, we're a little rusty here folks too. Me and I, we took a pretty long break. I'll just went to fucking Cancun. I had to work. It's one of the hardest things to do is podcast every single. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's difficult. I can't imagine a harder job.

There's no harder job. Do you have to constantly think of think up things? Stuff to say and talk about your son grabbing your penis. Right, right, right. I've said that like six times this one, six different podcasts. Every podcast I've done. Yeah, my son grabs my penis. You got to play these games.

Here we go. Yeah, yeah. So I had your son out. I was there to pee. So Michael, yeah, my son grabs my penis. You gotta play these games. Here we go, yeah, yeah. So I heard your son out. I'm saying it's your penis. So Michael, I understand your son's little nail gets in your reach sometimes. Your son's sharp little two year old nail. Mark, man, what's that about? Your son's grabbing your penis.

What we should have said up top. We're a little rusty. We're coming off a long layoff. And by the way, thanks to everybody's been listening to the podcast. It's fucking awesome. We get a little rusty, we're coming off a long layoff. And by the way, thanks to everybody who's been listening to the podcast, it's fucking awesome. We get a nice reception, we love you. Everybody on the Patreon, thank you. That's homin', we got a bonus episode every week. So go check that out if you want to.

I should have said, call, what's the number? I already forget, 904800, stop. I didn't do the intro, we were just chatting. I'm with my fucking boy, Mikey, we know. Old pals here, we sometimes, if somebody gets in the studio and the podcasting, it flows like wine, you know? But I should have said, 904 800, stop.

Leave us here, we're here to answer your questions, help out your life. We have an Italian father here who's a little bit, probably has just a little piece of autism. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I don't know. I don't know.

I have a kid maybe, yeah. I don't know. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah.

I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a kid maybe, yeah. I have a, oh, there's a little bit of autism inside his mom's pussy that rubbed off. Yeah, I've heard that a lot. I don't know. What do I do? Like, I'm 35 years old. Do I like go get tested for autism?

And then what, you know, who you are? Because my friend Mike Lawrence recently found out that he had autism, which was that as a person. Literally anyone. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no Matt Mike? No. But now he's like leaning into being autistic more. Like he'll be like, oh, you have my shoes don't match. You like put on like non-matching shoes. And that was like funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause it's like, you're not, you're not that level. Yeah, yeah.

You were matching shoes your whole life. And now all of a sudden, he's like a newly out gay guy. He's like, oh yeah, yeah. Absolutely, they do go a little overboard. He was like a he's like a newly out gay guy. He's like, oh yeah, yeah, absolutely. They do go a little overboard. He was like, all right, take a couple years. This isn't really who you are. Go suck, suck, suck, and a bar bathroom to prove it.

And then go, you know, where sequence, and then go back to card against him four years. Yeah, yeah. Go listen to Britney Spears, buy a Miata, and Britney Spears. Yeah, yeah. And then go back to your job at the bank. Yeah.

That would be funny. We should get you tested for autism. I guess I would do it. I don't know. It's just like, yeah, what is the test though? I don't know. Yeah, whatever Mike did. I guess Mike's was like a doctor just looked at it.

But see the problem is then I have to go back to everybody and be like, you're right. You were right Andy Haynes you were right And we did that moving job and And I farted in the ladies house and you said what the fuck is wrong with you? Autism or something? Apparently I do and he like I fought it. I fought it so hard

I'm just saying it would be good content I wish I yeah, but I hope the test comes back negative, but dude you could build it up It could be this whole arc of does Mike has about this right? What you're probably guys holding you but out for smokes out for smokes. Yeah, well listen to that. I'll come do it Thanks. Thanks. I'm saying it's that that would be a nice arc for out for smoke. Uh-huh We're it's starting out of farm. It starts with the first episode you have a couple people on from your life that lay out the case of you being on, have indian, have whoever you are. Then you and the guys discuss it a little bit.

Then the next day is, I'm going to go take the test, what's the test, build up some anticipation and finally a third episode arc. We reveal live on the air. Right. With the revolts and we're not. Yeah, okay. And then there's a fourth episode where it's like, you know, now you're wearing mismatch shoes.

But then, right, right. You know, what do you do with that info? Once you find out that you are. Dude, I don't know. Can you get on disability or something? Probably can figure something out. Yeah. Cause my mom gets like $21,000 a year from the state, from my brother.

They're brother? Yeah. Yeah. Which I think is more than she's allowed to. Yeah. Dude, she's like, yeah. My parents came to visit me because I live in Red Hook now. And I'm like, alright, so here's where you can park and my mom goes, you know, a thousand

migrants are moving to Red Hook. Single males. Single males. Single males. Single males. Single males in their 20s. That's an awesome thing to throw in there. It's not bad enough for their migrants. They're the raping type. Yeah, they're not married. That's fucking hilarious. Anyway, that's a thought I would say, you know, okay. Just what do you do with it? Who knows get on disability? Now you become the face of neurodivergent comedy, right?

You know, right, you know, you start getting some career opportunities. Yeah, because most because a lot of Comedy is just people being autistic. It's true. You know, it's taking so is a completely Tim Robinson, right? I think you should leave guy. That's all the questions. It's probably just autism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's completely a steam rolling through social cues. Mm-hmm. And looking and being like, why are we looking at things this way? Where it's actually, is this way?

And it's like, no, it's not. That's crazy, but it's funny. You're right. I know, because I think my whole life, I was like, ah, am I like a little weird? Am I kind of like awkward or whatever? Yeah. But yeah, I just got to just lean into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always think I'm like, ah, am I like a little weird and my kind of like awkward or whatever, but yeah, I just gotta just lean into it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always think I'm like this Italian James Bond for every op, yeah, yeah, I'm not. Yeah, yeah, that's hilarious. That's like me, we were talking, we just, I just watched the Miami Vice with Colin Farrell and he has like long hair and a fucking mustache and I was like, I literally think I look like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll just pull up the picture, we'll put it on the, we'll put it on the, but that's good. Yeah, you're actually your true detective, Colin Farrell. I haven't seen that one. Oh yeah, pull him up, pull both up, Colin Farrell, Miami. Well, he's not, he's not fat in that, but there's a scene where he goes to,

he goes to school to pick up his kid and he's like, where are your shoes? And he's like, I don't know, he's like, where those fucking shoes I bought you and like this kid took his shoes, like who took your shoes? He's like, where are your shoes? And he's like, I don't know. He's like, where the fucking shoes I bought you and this kid took his shoes. Like, who took your shoes? He's like, tell me who took your shoes, you fat pussy. Yeah, that's it, that's it right there.

That's how I think I look. Yeah, but that's kind of, it's not in the right way. There he is, there he is. You know? This is how I think. You gotta think that your hand, if you don't think your handsome, who will? I'm tagged.

My grandmother's dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And for you, if you don't't think you're handsome, who will? My grandmother's dead. So, I was always around to tell me I'm handsome. And for you, if you don't think you're not autistic, who will? Right, right. I have to just deny being autistic. Oh yeah, that's closer. That's, you know what?

I'll take that one too. That way, yeah, yeah. So, he goes to the, he's like, what's his kid's name? He's like, his name is Aspen Something. No, but you know what's funny? That's how I think I'll look in 10 years. Right, right. I think my head I'm younger than that guy.

I have this like a ton of both. So much better than me. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, folks, look, we got, we got fucking, we got Mike, he's a new father, he's a talent. He's possibly one, one a th autistic. We don't know yet.

We don't know yet. But the next one, 16, who who knows a little sprinkling thirty second even But the important thing is he's got a perspective you got a perspective for these fucking idiots here Mikey You're you you've lived the life these motherfuckers haven't even dreamed of you You've got life experiences and it's time that together we solve some problems What do you say you ready to take some calls? Absolutely, let's fucking get some calls going. We've missed you everyone. Everybody else, like we said, 904800,

stop calling. And even though we haven't taken a break, it's been episodes the whole time. This is me and eldest is first episode back for a couple of months actually. So we're a little rusty, but we're ready. Since December 20th. Since December 20th.

Oh really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause I went home, I went to Baltimore, I did a little exercise with my we're a little rusty. Since December 20th. Since December 20th. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I went home, I went to Baltimore, I did a little exercise with my brother, I had to kind of detox. It was nice and then I got that strange that the weirdest gig of my life, Paris Fashion Week, which was insane.

We went to Paris for the weekend to do a show that was also a fashion show, but it's like, I spent, they were nice to you. They were great, it was so cool. But I spent, Hope you weren't there to like, know for them to know will it was once yaga oh no no yeah I like you're like were they nice to you they dress up like a big baby yeah yeah a bunch of hot models circled around me and

laughed out of the end they're like he's fat he's penis is small it was really fun, but I spent like a month working on my brother eating healthy and then you go to parents and it's like, I guess I'll have baguettes and fucking croissants and butter and cheese. But I don't really, you don't really gain weight when you go to Europe, it's weird. I like some brother. You did? I mean, it was just like wildly unhealthy. I went to Italy with my family and I was like, I'm gonna gain so much weight, and then,

but you walk a lot, and the food is not poison. What's the middle of it? You usually go in the summer, right? You usually swim and walking. We're in the winter. We're jet lag. We're getting drunk, we're eating, we're not doing anything. Is that your first time in Paris?

Second time in Paris. It was nice. It was really nice. We're gonna do a full, next week folks, we'll do a full recap episode. We'll have Mateo Lane on here who was he was also in the fashion show and it was a good crew. Good crew. So we'll get the whole you'll get the whole scoop on Paris next week folks. We wanted to have somebody that was there with us. But anyway, let's get to some fucking problems. What do you say, L-Duns? Let's do it. Hey, stuff. It ain't playing, jeez.

So get to my soulful fat rascal. Start it, Aver. You dumb bitch. Hey, stuff. I also get to my soulful fat rascal, big fan of fat rascal. Thank you, brother. So I recently found out that my new fiance, maybe infertile,

I want to know if you think that it's selfish of me that I'm going to get my nuts checked to my team encounters. And so I can maybe use it later for ammo so I can point the finger at her and then, hear you leave. What the fuck? It's more important to me than starting a family and making more little fat rascals, you know?

I mean, what do you think? What does he wanna do? He wants to say, your pussy doesn't work and my dick is fine. Yeah, yeah. And like an argument. So, yes, 100% you loaded the dishwasher wrong. Yeah, it's like yeah Well, your pussy's a fucking dancer you bitch My not swimming

How about you fucking do the dishes I This is my fucking son. I don't know why I agree to this. You ruined my fucking life with your rotten pussy Just tattoos another 40 million Yeah, you are a piece of shit so clearly. Yeah, I don't even I mean what the fuck is this? Yeah Do I think it's selfish of you to go get your nuts checked so you can use it later as ammo and leave because there's nothing more important than starting a family. I bet his sperm counts not even that high. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no way you got

good average. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So recently found out that my fiancee may be infertile. That's, let me just mountain you drinking motherbeautering mother-fucker. Can I say this? She should leave you. You're really like cut and run. This is actually wild, truly. This exact thing happened to my fucking parents. My mom had like issues. And she was like, but my mom was like,

hey, if you want to leave all good, but they had in vitro, took them a while. So, what about your brothers? Well, in vitro. Yeah. So actually, me and my dad don't have a great relationship, but I will say he stuck around then without him being a better person than this guy.

Am I there, it's not even a good guy. Yeah, yeah. And he's a better guy than you. Right, at least he didn't get his sperm counted. Yeah, yeah. Well, here's the thing, you can start, yeah, first of all, go get your fucking sperm counted, because I would love to see what you're,

if you're fucking, let's see what you're packing. I wanna know if your jesus good or not, okay? So call back and I know 400 stuff, but yeah, I'm fat, but I'm shooting about probably 100 million sperm per jack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you are a bad for sure, this is shitty of you to think,

because you say there's nothing more important to you than starting a family. Do you love this woman? Is your fiance, right? Theoretically you love her. Well, you could get in vitro, right? Like we don't, you said, and you also says, maybe infertile.

He doesn't even fucking know. And he's ready to cut and run. But here's why you know he's really a piece of shit. He's like, well, if my dick doesn't work, if we're both equal, then I won't make a big stink. I'll stay with her and we'll both because we're both we're both fucking pieces of shit. But if he's better than her, he's like, well, I'm going to cut and run because I'm better. You're a very selfish, shitty person. Doesn't love this woman. It's what it sounds like to me.

But you wanna start a family that it's like, yes. And you love this person. A family is loving people and supporting them unconditionally. You clearly don't wanna do that, because you can. I mean, he's just trying to be funny, but that should also show you that being funny is the hardest job in the entire world. He probably is a little bit, but imagine being this woman,

and you get these results, you start crying, and your fiance's like, she's like, what's that piece of paper in your hand? Oh, nothing, I'm not workshopping voice mails to send a fat comedian, Like imagining this woman is, he's trying to do bits since like her life might be ruined and he's considering leaving her.

Yeah. If you're doing a bit, there's no way that you have a high sperm count or your dick works. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Okay, but to truly, we shit out, we've fully shit on you, your busy shit, etc.

But if you actually like her, if you actually love this woman, and you want, and there's nothing more important than starting a family, there's in vitro. But also, there is literally adoption. I know we made the joke earlier started with me being like, I can't, but it's like, that's a fully real way to start a family.

And by the way, we probably should be adopting more kids. There's a ton of fucking kids, man. And, you know, and that might be a blessing if one of, or both of you, by the way, because we don't know what your Jesus like, can't have kids, then give a kid or two of fucking family that might be fucked otherwise. You would be, that's even nicer.

I've thought about this. If I have kids, I do think I want to go one and one. I think I want to, yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? No, that's great. I would love to do that. Yeah, and you adopt a black one. And you just see how they perform. And you do a real nature versus nurture type study. Yeah, you're just

pissed off. Yeah, not good at sports. he's adopted and he's black. That's the matter. The most progressive Italian. This is like how your dad would hit the retardant son. You're like, hey, measure up to your black brother. So anyway, that's our advice here, buddy. Call back and let us know what your giz is like. But if you're a good person who's not doing a bit,

or if you're not, or if there's even some truth about you being like, should I leave her then, you know, you guys should. What is what is a high sperm count? It's like tens of millions. There's a king of the hill episode, right? We're hanging. Yeah, you got the narrow urethra. Yeah, low sperm count, but they're like, your sperm got eight back at Peggy's like high number high number like eight million

Yeah, that's a low number 15 million 70 sperm mobility good normal sperm density range from 15 mill to 200 mill per milliliter of semen Wow, that's a little wide and crazy. That is a very well. Everyone makes a different kid. Yeah, yeah That's that is fucking kid. Yeah, yeah. That is fucking insane. That's what we should do for the podcast. I'll just see who's got the higher sperm count. I'd love to.

And it's crazy, of all the... Scary. Okay. Of all the sperms that I've ever, like I made like a blonde kid that looks nothing like me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's true. You did get, you got one of the better sperms.

I know there's some horrific things in that not sad. There's some fucking war on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Let's see who we got up next. Hey, stop. Hope you're doing well. Been a good one. It's been a good one with the gas. So far, the gas time doing about two and eldest. So I'm kind of in a situation where I'm thinking about moving. OK. Because I kind of last year. Truck boys moving.

It's going to be a lot of trouble. Yeah. Truck boys moving at gmail.com. My friend, if you go through with it. Yeah. Actually, yeah. So comic I know is a little moving comic. Yes.

All right, here's one of those. I'm kind of in a situation where I'm thinking about moving. Because I kind of last year, like, hooked up with this chick at any make a mention of a weekend like me how the whole weekend to really fun like it's great to be around her and like later a year like late September I flew out to California like spent a week there and it was it was pretty nice just outside of like he

who doing the fuck it like genuinely really like appreciates what I do. Like I cook and stuff, I appreciate it about that. I was like, hey no, you need a face routine. Like use this ever towel for it. Like that kind of caring the fuck too. It's like really genuinely felt great. But I've got so much over in Chicago that I've already built up like my job here, my friends are out here, families are out.

It's not going to take a really long time. I don't know why he's getting a good hot dog anywhere. Shrunk it and fuck it and go out there because I'm like 25. They've got a lot ahead of me. What do you think? I just thought you were thinking, don't have a lot ahead of you. You definitely need to know. No one really has a lot ahead of them.

Life doesn't really change that much. Like, hey, this is a good deal though. Everything just posted, like, hey, I did the meal prep and she went, hey, you've come be my house husband for a few years. And I'm like, ooh, tempting. So, yeah, this is a pretty good stuff on that. Thank you. Interesting.

So a few years. So I just posted, hey, I did some meal meal prep and she posted you should be my house husband so This man is considering moving because a girl he fucked if I if I'm read is correctly two to three times Was like hey come over Possibly joking. I'm no, I'm not clear super clear on the timeline But I think they met at a anime conveyor. Where does she live? She lives in California. He lives in Chicago. They met at an anime convention. He went out there like Yeah, he visited at least once he visited and they they fuck the anime convention

He went to visit they fogged they hung out they fogged. You know they spent time together a little bit But it sounds like yeah, they haven't not too much IRL. So by the way This guy's, maybe this woman and maybe one other woman, you think? Like, this guy got pussy in an anime convention. What it gonna love. Going to visit is fine. We, you know, somebody has good pussy, you like her.

Sure. Go out for a little vacation. It's fun. Yeah, use your points. Yeah, use some points exactly, fucking. But now you think about moving, and from that last, I would have assumed they're dating long distance, she just, like, is that real, buddy?

Do not move out of this. Oh, I wonder if that's real, yeah. You should ask her if it's real first. She might just want you to dig her down, but also these might be two nerds that don't know how to, how to like phrase their feelings. Yeah. Um, their romantic feelings. They, they're, they're, you both might be kind of shy. Yeah. And, and you should be talking more. You should be like, you know, you should at least, at least be dating long distance. Sure.

Before you even consider moving for this person. Now at the other, oh, you have a good job or something. It sounds like, I mean, that's not a bad deal to like go to a new place and kind of get set up for a little bit. I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here, one little detail here, before the house husband thing, he says,

is that like, should I go for it? He's definitely handed that like, hey, you should come out here. She's definitely hinted that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta do these things when you're young You know, I mean like yes, you might not think you're young, but 25 is like you're young It's your young you're young for sure and Chicago will always be there

No, it's true. She got you. It's those are your roots your friends probably aren't going where to she can't go So really nice place to be from because it's both a big city and can be your home I'm kind of jealous. Yeah, I mean for sure Yeah, it's nicer to be from Chicago than from Baltimore. Like, like, I know successful people that just stay in Chicago because it's a big enough city that they don't feel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, that's how you know. I never, I never left the East Coast because I was always like, oh, my family's here. My grandparents, my grandparents are still alive. They're nice to time. They're still fucking like racist and shitty.

You know, my grandfather's slowly dying. My grandmother's still a bitch. Like I could have done all this stuff. I could have gone to LA for like, you know, a year or so, 2012 or so. Just go, just live somewhere different, you know. Like have a different experience. And just see how you do and see how far you can get.

And Chicago's always gonna be there. So I would say even if you know what's probably gonna happen is you're gonna get humiliated and she's gonna go I was joking you're gonna show up with a you-hole and she's gonna go I was fucking really coming over some guy with okay some guy in a Yugi-yo costume is gonna come to the door you're gonna knock you're gonna be like it's me yeah some guy just like fucking from DBC shows up with purple hair. But even if you get your heart broken,

that's still a good story. I agree. I think, listen, at the very least, you should go out there, you should visit again, you should get some pussy at one more time for old timesake. And you should really talk about this. But I agree with you, Mike. You're young.

Chicago will be there. Have some new experiences. But I would say at least, you're young. Chicago will be there. Have some new experiences. But I would say at least go visit one more time, hang out, get some pussy one more time, and be like, hey, I'm really thinking about this. Have an actual relationship going, and fucking try it out. You know, it's not hard to relocate.

But and also, if you're gonna do this, actually figure out like your life stuff. You say you have a job in Chicago so it's the kind of job that you can transfer. Is there a similar industry there? You probably shouldn't live with her to begin with. No, no, no. You should have your own place.

Yeah. But at the same time, I feel like anime nerds falling in love and getting married is pretty It's a pretty standard thing. So you go visit see feel out the vibes Maybe this guy's gonna be married within a month, you know what I mean? Yeah, that's what I was gonna say I feel like with like you know They're probably both like just a little weird Nothing just mental against anime people but yeah, I can see that thing where like you know

I feel like sometimes you hear about people like that, like moving really fast. And I get totally see them like, you know, this guy's there in a week and they just don't miss a beat. For sure. It's just like such a clear works out thing like from the beginning. There's two ways this could go.

That, right? Two kind of weird people, they both don't fuck that much. Fall in love. They're both kind of being a little shy, because he's talking about she's hinted, and I've said this, like, even though they've already fucked, they're both like too nervous to really say their feelings, and they have this cute little whirlwind romance,

he moves in, they have a beautiful life, or she sucks anyone off at Comic Con. You were one of the guys, she sucked off. You're gonna get there, she'll be happy to see you the first time, and then you fuck, and you're like, so where should I put my clothes? And she's like, you're close. She's like, she's so much crunch.

She's like, oh my God, I got another guy to move out here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, yeah, they have a contest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many nerves can we get to move? To leave their family? Yeah, those are your two options, but you know what? I say roll the fucking dice.

Roll the dice. You're a young man. Yeah. You're not clearly not gonna push you in Chicago. Or this wouldn't even be a question. Yeah. Yeah. Here's another thing.

Like, he just sounds like pretty soft spoken. And I could see this being a dynamic. We're like, you know, he's just sounds like pretty soft spoken and I could see this being a dynamic We're like, you know, he's just a normal dude soft spoken and she's just like more aggressive more dominant and also like sleeper hot in that Anime girl like you know just just pretty face big old titties and that sailor moon If that's a case, you know, all the more, yeah, fuck it. You might be, you might be taking Japanese duo lingo with your wife, with your wife in California soon. Yeah.

Yeah, let us know how it goes, buddy. We're working with you. Your heart broken, that's like a good story. It's a good story and it's character development. We've all had our hearts broken here on this podcast. And we're all better men for it. Exactly. And no one over 25'd have grandparents anyway. Yeah. Yeah All right, hit us with another one, Eld. Big Eld.

Hey, what up, Savvy? Yeah, the cells get started on my day day and I'm so young dude chilling and I've always thought weird about my dad uh... he was in the military like late eighties ninety and you know that the whole war is in germany so i was like you know he didn't just yet no combat not really however thought and a few years ago he told me that he killed somebody like what you know i mean i thought oh fuck like you

know war story and then uh... you know can't broke down a bit more of that crime leadership based uh... uh... probably because of this turns out it wasn't like combat but that's got a really fucked up in

germany and like to talk some do doubt in any died killed by basically that because he was like it's in the military, and he was like, kind of thinking like he's surrounded. Why? Why is he? This is crazy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Run it back a couple of seconds. I want to hear this whole thing. But because he was like, he's in the military, and he was like, kind of just able to get like discharged discharged and move around and nothing really ever happened. But there's a part of me that wonders if I'm cursed and how should I talk to my dad about the feelings that this gives me?

I feel like whenever I bring you up to him I'm afraid to mention it. He told me my mom knew about it and then when I asked my about it, she was just like, what are you talking about? What the fuck you think? And it just seemed like she was either completely into Nile or somebody's lying. And it's just weird and it feels like I'm cursed. It feels like in my life, there have been things that happen because of this. And I'm afraid to get out of the story because some German dude, you know, he's all close up to me. I my got choked out by some American soldier

So I know I can be moving forward. Oh, yeah, I Got you brother here Well, first of all it doesn't sound like you're ever At a certain point you got to be like am I really ever gonna have a relation with my father? Right and it's right now it sounds like the answer is no. It sounds like he, the fact that he told you shit-faced, is that what he said that he was shit-faced and crying? This guy, I don't even know why he would fucking tell you.

He's putting this on you. It's selfish of him. It's literally selfish of him. Your mom clearly doesn't, I mean, the emotions in this family don't feel like a thing to get talked about. Instead of thinking about the discussing feelings with your dad, I mean, you think this guy, he's gonna, you think that's gonna work?

Let's be honest, you know what I mean? Like, my dad just kind of rude. And, that just kind of happened. Like, he's angry and he's hard to talk to. Maybe the guy his dad choked out was a Nazi and his dad was delivering karma for that guy. That's true. Maybe that guy's dad killed some Jews.

And so maybe your dad's the acting as the fist of karma. Yeah. But I think instead of thinking about this, I think it seems like your dad was a bad dad. And instead of looking at your feelings here, I think you're like your dad was a bad dad and instead of looking at like your feelings here I think you're given a beautiful opportunity because if I were you I would put on some white face paint I would when your dad sleeping I would go to his window and be like He is coming

He is coming your homopinches coming Look over your shoulders Eat this coming. Eat this coming. Your homopin's is coming. Look over your shoulders. And I would haunt my father for clearly being a bad guy. Hey guy. He's a murderer. Right. And the US step up and be the karma for your dad.

And the US Army covered for him. Yeah. So, look, it's nice of you to be thinking this stuff. And this is the beginning of therapy. I mean, are you in therapy? I mean, I went into therapy being like, hey, how do I, you know, how do I fix every problem I have with my father?

At a certain point, you gotta realize there's only so much you can do. Sure. You can do fully desiring to let alone thinking about the other person who's not even meeting you a quarter of the way, let alone half way, right? So you gotta be realistic about what this is gonna be like. You should go to therapy and talk about this for yourself,

but I don't know that you're ever getting closure and figuring it out with your dad. Your dad sounds like a fucking mess. He literally killed the guy and it's probably doing with the guilt of that, let alone all the other fucked up, who knows what other fucked up shit they get? That's like, you know, all the best. They did talk about, yeah.

Yeah, what other abuse and shit he's done, what other fucked up shit he's done. So, don't feel cursed. Here's the one thing. That's your mom's complacent in it. Exactly, yeah. And then maybe she's swept up in it, you know, for years, parent, that can be a weird relationship,

especially how long ago they got together, what society was like, what their families were like. The thing you can really work on out of all this call that's the most alarming to me is feeling, you mentioned feeling like you're cursed. You're not cursed, that's not how the way this shit works. Yeah, yeah. The sins of the father is bullshit stuff,

it's like whatever. You're not, bad stuff is not happening to you because some guy took your dad's snitzel and he fucking, and he suffocated him over. Okay, that's not what's going on here. You, so work on that part, work on, because clearly, this is a really, if I'm gonna put my pop psychology hat on here,

as somebody who's dealt with a lot of guilt issues with my family, guilt seems like something that happens a lot in your family. And you, and this huge, this huge thing your dad just told you feels like a lightning rod for all your guilt about your family. It's just really like almost poetic symbol for everything your father has saddled you with. And you're feeling, and that's what it seems like to me. You're feeling I might be wrong. Go to therapy. Go to a real fucking doctor about it.

But that's what you have to get over feeling this guilt and the fact that your dad did a really fucked up thing compounds the guilt you feel, but you had nothing to do with it. You don't have shit to do with it with all the fucked up shit your dad's done. Try not to do fucked up shit yourself. Go to a therapist, see how realistic it is for you to repair your relationship and also be realistic about how far you can even repair that. And when you have a little emotional space,

think about, is this something I even wanna repair? You know, some people, there's some, I'm not, I don't know the whole story with your dad. I mean, this could just be a one-time action and thing and he might be a lovely guy. My guess is that's not what it is. But some people have really atrocious fucking parents and they just realize they're better off

never speaking to them again. Is that you? I can't tell you that, you know, you and a therapist and some thought have to tell you that, but that's at least have that possibility on the table and good luck and really work on your German accent whenever you're dead, pisses you off. So little flour on your face.

It's not funny. Yes it is. Do you guys think this is like pure manipulative dead move like trying to saddle him or do you think it's like an attempt to connect and not like pure ego like get it off His chest. It's pretty selfish. If I had to guess that's it's not even connecting. It's unloading and being like, oh, I feel better than I'm not hiding that from you. Yeah, but it's like well just hide it from me Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't need to fucking live with this. I mean, that's what you want to talk about our fucking dad

It's like that's the kind of shit. You with this. I mean, that's what you want to talk about our fucking dad. It's like, that's the kind of shit, you know, my dad would do where it's like, you know, he would, he would just fucking, he would do something insane, like break a fucking coffee table, yell, you know, do abusive shit, and then he'd come back crying and want a hug.

Yeah. And it's like, no, you're the thing we're sad about. Yeah, yeah. You can't be the thing we're all rallying around. Like you're sad because of the shit you did. And that's what this motherfucker did, even worse though, because his son wasn't involved at all. So that's my guess, just obviously I'm reading

into with my own, you know, my own. Make a tick talk about it. Maybe you can find the German guy's family. That's true. Because in Germany, somebody's like my father was just choked one night five. He had just disappeared. Yeah, the last place he was seen was a bar, a quarter mile from the American base.

Indusal Dorf. And we still don't know what happened. And it's classified now. It's selling snitches for the supporter family. Some animal choked them out. Yeah. We're going to support our fans. Some animals show up now. Yeah. Fuck. Alright.

Let's get another one going there big else. Sovi, how's it going? I'm a 31 yearyear-old guy from San Diego, San Diego, Santa Year podcast, I'm listening for a while. Anyway, I got a little, I got a question for you. My girlfriend is 26. We've been together for almost a year. She is the best man.

She's beautiful, she's fun. She likes all the same things I like. And she killed a German man in 1982. I grew up from high school. You know, before you got a job, I was in two to three was a tutor. I was a free SAT prep tutor. Sorry, I run it all the way back. All I think is that like. And I think she's the one. I think we're going to get married. And we're going to have a great life together.

I don't know why I think. We're definitely going to. But anyways, my question to you is, prior to this relationship, I was kind of a crazy person and I always was doing weird shit, like, run around at a festival, two and a bunch of drugs. I would go to TV and just start sharing with the local parties and just having a good time. And now my life is a little bit more slow and mundane. And I like that. Like, you know, 90% of the time I love that. But every once in a while, you know, I just want to be free and do some pay-be fun things.

Anyway, just wondering if you have any advice on how what what can me and my girlfriend do together that it's just like a break from this boring mundane reality. What can you do together? I Can I bring her into my yeah what activities they have helped me help you Baby you got to meet me here cuz like I used to go I used to do Molly and Get sucked off in portapods, so you're gonna have to come up with some fun hobbies. Yeah, so that I don't do that anymore Yeah, here's the thing I like to go on TikTok and DM teenagers. So what can you do for me? Is there like a board game we can get into? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That is a aggressive shift in tone here. He's like, oh, she's the best. I love her, all this stuff. But I used to be a, I thought he was going gonna be like, I used to be a crazy guy. I hope he said ever gonna come back and is she gonna judge me for it? But this guy's like, I still would like to be that guy sometimes and I want her to let me do it.

Yeah. I wanna go get sucked off at Burning Man. Yeah, say yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanna go eat a pussy that hasn't been bathed for four days I want to fuck a I've won a bug a woman with stink lines like a cartoon like a looney tune like a pilot trash from the looney Tunes coming off for pussy At old at old time or whatever the fuck on at the governor's ball. I literally want to fuck bugs bunny and drag

I can't stop thinking about it She just doesn't look like, she looks nothing like Bugs Bunny. Okay, so I just want to be free and do some crazy fun things. I mean, I love for an honor her. So how do I not, he's saying like, how do I not cheat on her?

It sounds like essentially he's asking like, how do I not cheat? Now look, have you talked about this at all with her? Like, because what a big problem here might be that you have built this, what's not a like, ideal relationship, but you built it on a foundation of lies, right? Like that you're a guy, you present to this girl

as some guy who fucking, you know, likes brunch, wears cardigans, all this kind of stuff, and you used to guy who fucking, you know, likes brunch, wears cardigans, all this kind of stuff. And you used to be a fucking, you know, a demon just getting, you know, at Bonnaroo finger popping strangers, right? But everybody kind of wants to do that on some level, right? When you're committed to somebody. You just choose not to.

No, you just like, you just choose not to. Choose to be a better person. You gotta commit to being a better person. Yeah, yeah, and that's fine. But. I mean, it's the talians, I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the talians just cheat.

Yeah. That is the secret. Right, right. This is a very talian way to go about it. Right, right, right. Because if this guy was a talian, it would be like, I'm a family man, 90% of the time. I'm a 10% of the time, I pay a Serbian woman

to suck my dick after I've had so much vodka sauce, a child could drown it. That's what an Italian would do here. And if this is old school, this guy would just basically be Don Draper. He would have a nice life and then he would go fuck every once in a while. But so I think if this is something that is important to you that you want this element in your life, you just have to like like, you just like go with that. Or how about this,

why don't you go to this fucking thing with your fiance or wife for whatever the fuck, like a couple. I don't know about that. That's, I'll tell you, as a married guy, that's never worked. That's never been like a thing. This guy's talking about festivals and drugs

and all that kind of shit. I'm not talking about like hanging out with the boys and, you know, going to get put. This guy's sad, it's a very specific thing. Like, why can't you party with your wife for like, you know, that kind of, like, I do meet these couples where it's like, they seem to just have genuine fun together. And they're young, they still act young, they still go to parties and just like, you end up fucking your wife in the closet of the part of the house instead of a woman you don't know. That's the big difference.

Like is that enough for you? Is the problem here that you've lied to your girlfriend about this? And she thinks you're this like, you know, goody-to-shoes, but you actually have a little bit of a wild side that you think she wouldn't approve of. Or you know, give her the benefit of the doubt. It sounds like he wants to fuck around though.

It really, when we get down to it, what it sounds like is he wants to cheat. Yeah. Yeah. But you just have to not. You just don't, you can't just don't do it. Just don't. But also it's like, you know, I had a therapist

tell me years and years ago that like, you know, cheating is a choice. Like we act like it's a mistake or whatever, but it's like you make like a series of choices to like to do that. Of course, you know. A lot of questions. So just don't make those choices and be accountable for it.

Cause you're gonna hurt your partner if you do that. And what I would say is you don't wanna do that. He does love this one. We clearly are like, you know. No, it's gonna be, if you cheat, it's gonna be really bad. Yeah, for sure. We're either gonna get caught,

and it's gonna hurt her, or you're not gonna get caught, but you're gonna feel like a piece of shit. It's not even gonna be. Yeah, and it won't be worth it at all. So, I was a gest as someone who's not in a commuter relationship, it's not gotten it to work ever. So, maybe I don't know what I'm saying here.

You're gonna have to buy jewelry, and then she's gonna be like like what the fuck is this about? Just miss you when I was on my work trip No, she's Vegas is known for their necklaces So I my advice if you like get in, like show the side of you, see if she wants to be a part of it or whatever. See, the thing is it's hard to bring your wife, your girlfriend into that when you say like,

hey, I love you, but I'm kinda, I kinda feel like I wanna fuck other people. I'm not saying get an open relationship. No, no, no, but they're just not gonna understand that in any, so really like every man who's in a relationship with a woman is kind of living a lie. And that's how I feel. But you have to choose to,

you really have to commit to somebody and choose to, and I think you'll feel better about yourself when you do. For sure. And listen, I can't tell you. And then the problem is when you're committed to a woman more, more, skanks will want to fuck you. Yeah, it the problem is when you're committed to a woman more, more, skanks will wanna fuck you. Yeah, it's true.

Because you're a devoted husband and father. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it gets, not harder, but you know anything. Yeah. You become, you become more desirable. Yes, yes. So you have to realize that. But then you also realize that you're not

who you are without your partner. Exactly. And you have a great partner. Oh yeah, there's nothing funnier than when you're in a relationship. And a woman builds you up and you're like, I'm gonna use all this confidence to fuck. All their horse. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't wanna do that.

Because me as a divorce guy, it would not be a good. I'd be living in a van or something. It's gonna be so bad, dude. It's gonna be, it would be really bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta keep it going, Mike. Yeah. So just don't do it would be really bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta keep it going, Mike. Yeah. So,

So just don't do it. Don't do it. And my, my thought is try and get her a little bit in this world and see if you can involve her in this specific fun, you know, going to concerts, whatever the fuck. Cause there's plenty of things that, you know, couples that kind of get that to work, but,

or continue. That's hard though. It might be hard, but I'm just saying, think about, we don't know that you're exact dynamics, give it a shot if you think it might make sense, but maybe you start with her, you say, hey, do you want me to watch another guy fuck you? See if she does for that.

Then you ease it into you fucking other women. That's what I'm gonna say. No, but it's worth the shot. But it's worth the shot. It's like, you're punny, I love you so much. Yeah, I would let you. And then you just have to watch your wife get railed by a man who's better at sex than you.

Or what you could do is you try, if she calls your bluff, and she says, yeah, she's like, you fucking hold on you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But if she says no, they're like, well, I gave you the opportunity. Can I fuck girls? That's the way, you know, that's the advice, pal. Yeah, you gotta, you really gotta give up your favorite thing

when you get married. That's okay. But you have to give it up. So we think, we give you some. But having a family is, I love living in a one-bedroom apartment with my wife and son. I'm just, fuck. All right, but. Getting fat, you know, all that stuff is all.

Getting fat, having a terrible diet, never sleeping. Getting up at seven o'clock to watch Elmo. Because he's done sleeping. Well, even though you went to bed at the same time, it's all very nice. You gotta just make your choices. But if you have somebody that you're this close with, that you love this much, Don't fuck strange women.

Yes, that's our final advice to you, pal. We're rooting for you. We're rooting for you. Don't be a piece of shit. You can do it. You can do it, pal. How much time have we been doing, Elders? Rad and hour 35 right now.

Okay, nice. Hit us with, let's do, let's get a couple nice ones here to close us out Okay, maybe someone who has a knack for broadcasting and not like you know, we'll never find a We'll never find out podcasting's hard huh guys? It's hard to get to the point Okay, here we go. Let's go. Asob, I'm at a bit of a crossroads, and I'm wondering if you can help me out. So a little bit of background.

I used to work in marketing, and I really hated that job. Like, I hated being an office. So I made the change, and I switched careers, and I became a teacher. I am now a middle school special education teacher and overall. A lot of bruises on my arms but like the work but this is the absolutely hardest job I've ever had. It's incredibly stressful and it literally makes me want to kill myself. I even have-

You should do it in those retars, I'll learn a lesson to leave you the fuck alone. Stop being so hard on you. What? He killed himself? He killed himself? But I was just playing. We were just playing. Yeah, when he was dead.

You would be the sacrificial lamb, but you would have eight of the most well-behaved, special needs people in that entire town. Exactly. Yeah. So they do it. Oh. Well, one guy made the ultimate sacrifice.

It's costly, yeah. It's costly, yeah. Uh-huh. Makes me want to kill myself. I even had somewhat of a mental breakdown last year. So I'm wondering, should I stick it out, should I improve, or should I look into another career? I'm not really keen on going back to school. Anyway, if you can help me out, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. This is tough. This is tough. And look, you know, obviously, this is, this really

shows you how fucking and like, what how fucked the world is because it's like, this guy should make more money than us. Sure. Like, you, I should, you can give him some money. If you want, yeah, I'll give him a I have a family. I have $1 to spare me. You should make more money than me.

Like, we really fuck teachers. And especially a special teacher, it's like, yeah, that should be the kind of thing where you make six figures. Yeah, it. Like, we really fuck teachers. And especially, especially teachers, that should be the kind of thing where you make six figures. Yeah. It's so hard and it's so necessary for our society to function.

Whereas podcasting is not. But, I mean, look, that's not where we're not gonna snap our fingers and get. No, no, no. Hey, what can you do, bad guy? Yeah, the world's not fair., that's not where you know, we're not gonna snap our fingers and get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, no, hey, what can you do, bad guy? I mean, the world's not fair. The world's not fair, I got him, you know, we got him by track suits.

Yeah. So, I would say, this is stuff, I had a situation like this. Like, I decide, I was a tutor in Baltimore city. Oh yeah. And I was like, I can't do this because I was not good at my job because I was doing comedy. And I was like, if I fuck this up,

like a kid's life is bad, right? But this guy, he likes the work, it's rewarding, but it's too hard. And he doesn't wanna go back to school. Marketing is bullshit, obviously, I get that. Could you just go to non-special ed teaching? Is that enough of a, like, uh... Can you get, like, a potato gun,

so when they start to come out of the end, you can just kind of... Yeah, a T-shirt can, and... Yeah, a T-shirt can. They're watching, we should have to watch cloth at them, but every time they act, well... Yeah. I would say, can you make the switch to, you know, if the special ed is too much, can you make the switch to different kinds of teaching?

If you get a reward out of education, my mom works at a special ed school and it's like, so she does that and deals with my brother. Oh, it's like, it's fucking hard. Not stop. Yeah, that's tough. It's crazy because it's like, then's fucking hard. Not stop, yeah, that's tough. It's crazy, because it's like, then my dad, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so funny that a woman who has so much empathy

for the people she works with is like, we have to round up every Mexican and put them on a sinking ship. It's like, how does that, how is that the same person? I don't know. No, it's because they come here, then they get free healthcare. Right, right. As soon as you sneak over come here and they get free health care. Right. As

soon as you sneak over the board, right, which is how it works. Yeah. You go right into the best hospital. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They give you a Mercedes-Benz. I don't know. So it's teaching something that's viable for you. Is if you like helping kids if you like this, is there like an administrative thing you'd like to go to? Right. I wish I knew like this, is there like an administrative thing you'd like to go to? Right, I wish I knew like what specifically is hard about the job. I mean, I think you know what your brother,

you know what I mean? Like, and anyone I've known who's worked with special needs kids, they say the same thing, where it's like, yes, it's really rewarding. But it is, sometimes it's physically taxing, right? So, and if you're having mental breakdowns, bro't you can't do it. You know what I mean like even if the heart wants the you're not cut out for it, right? so If you don't want to go back to school, but you find it sounds like something you use your job in marketing to like maybe sell a product

To the special ed's kids and then make some money off of them. Right, right, right. Marketing, you kind of candy board to them. Yeah. You can have some, you can do it. And it's just an old kind of candy board. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a payday. Marketing candy board, especially these kids,

it sounds like the easiest job in the world. You don't have to really. Look, there's peanuts on the outside. Become an educational consultant who siphons money from the school system. Some people who shouldn't have it. Get paid way more than teachers or some reason. But yeah, it's exactly, become a fucking, uh, go work for Deloitte and do power points about

special ed instead of actually doing it and get paid six figures. Um, but do you want to stay in education? I mean, you know, some other teaching thing, that might be it. And look, if you don't want to go to school and you weren't happy at a regular desk job, it's like, honestly, like, you don't want to go to school, but do you want to learn a trade?

I mean, going to college sounds so annoying, but do you want to, like, sometimes working construction is literally a better job than teaching. Literally, if you get to take talk, some lady was like, I used to be a teacher. Now I work at Costco, I love my job. I love leaving work, I love my team. They encourage me.

I don't have to take any crap from customers. The management supports me. This was never, I was never treated this well when I was a teacher. Crazy. So fucked. Yeah, we're so fucked. We're so fucked. We're fucked.

I kind of want to tell this guy, try it out for another year, even though it sounds really hard and he gets nervous. I feel like even the hardest job, if you just hang in there long enough, you just get used to it, which could be depressing, but I feel like you need to approach with that attitude, like teaching in particular, where it's like, if you want to be a career teacher, like, you know, you just realize, if you do it enough, like, you know, you're not going to change every kid's life or fix everything you think, but it's just about like small moments or small things that what it's like all about.

Shout out to Abba Elementary. That's a good show that, you know, does says shit like that. What are we gonna say Mike? I said she knows James has a great body. Yes. No, if he wants to kill himself, I mean I don't know that's like. Yeah, you should want it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never really like heard of that. I mean I'm sure women probably feel that way all the time than just keep it it inside. But the women who work with these kids, right? Right, right, right, right. Yeah, I mean, that is true. If it's only been a year, I do know what you mean though.

It's sometimes like, when I'm asking you, you're like a special needs kid and you're like, did your teacher kill themselves? Yeah. Because he said you were too difficult. Now a good man is dead. But I will say though, when you start hard things that are rewarding, the beginning is very difficult.

I wanted to kill myself when I moved to New York. Like the first year I was here was so depressed. That was fucking brutal. Yeah. So I don't know. Elders and stuff, that's a good point. But if it's like, the kind of thing we're good on the dating apps to be like,

I work with you know, especially those people who have you got to push that to this. That's true. Yeah. That's a great point. That's what it comes out. It's like, it's like, it's like, the,

it's like, the, it's like, it's like, the, it's like, the, it's like, the, it's like, the, it's like, the, it's like, the, the, the,

the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, yeah. To getting yes, to fucking. It's nice to do something. That's like a cool thing to do with your life too. Yeah. And there is something too feeling good about your, you know, yourself and what you do as long as you got the other shit taken care of. But yeah, maybe go work at Costco. Yeah. Get the chicken bakes going. Let's do one more, Elders. Give us something nice to go out on. I think this one's perfect. Also stopped. Did you have literally have a teacher who used to be a teacher but worked at Costco?

No, I didn't have a teacher but somebody... No, a guy I wanted your show. Oh yeah, you're right. A guy in Providence, Rhode Island. Literally, I did crowd, some guy asked like, I don't know how we even got into it, but I was like, what's your life like, dude? And he literally quit and worked at Costco.

But he said, no, it didn't sound like it was going good. And his girlfriend was like, he's going through a crisis. So, don't be that guy. Okay, this is a good one. Link below to that piece of crowd work. I think, did we put it out ever? Yeah, it's out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do a little, you YouTube pop up for that one. OK, here we go. Hey, Sal, it's Alex from Kentucky. I've got more of a lighthearted question. From early 30s, and I've got a buddy, we went to the elementary school together, middle school, state and contact. I went to his wedding maybe five or six years ago,

but we don't talk that much like that for a couple of years ago. He started sending me memes on Instagram and random videos that are not even related to the inside jokes or sports team-like or our careers. They're just border lines, funny, generally unfunny videos. There's no context and he doesn't even say anything. He just kind of sends me these random videos. And at first I thought I was in the stake and he keeps doing it and occasionally out double-hearted, but I don't really know what to do. Ignorance seems mean but that's so it's only fun and funny and

don't really keep doing it I don't know it's kind of weird let me know what you think damn dude that other guy is so bad at me finding good memes it's gonna ruin a lifelong friendship

and it's like they're not even horrible they're just mad, dude. That's, yeah, his friend is just sending him bad memes. And he's like, I don't know what to fucking do. Yeah. You can't, yeah, you can't be like, hey man, stop sending me these. No, but I think you can give feedback

on the individual memes. You be like, this didn't do it for me. And it'll force him to be better. That's your one-thirty second autism speaking right there. Yeah. Sorry, not very good. Send me a different one. I love memes. I'd like to see another one, please.

I think you can do better. This one didn't really do it for me, but perhaps tomorrow you will find a better one. Yeah. No, but don't you want to know that you're sending good memes and videos? But it's like, so see, they're also not that close though. They're not like, if Elvis sent me a bad meme, I'd be like, this sucks, you fucking loser. But if some guy, like a friend of mine from middle school

who I've been to his wedding, but we don't talk that much, sent me memes that I hated, I would just be like, I would give him one courtesy LOL. And then I would mute him after a while. Like it would ruin the real, honestly, putting myself in your shoes, buddy. That would fuck the relationship up for me.

I think, I think your options already, they're send him good memes. If you want to solve a relationship, now he's a fucking full time. Now he's the fat Jew where he has to find better memes and steal them. If you want to have a good, like you could send him better memes and try and train him that way. Yeah. Or you have to start pretending you don't use Instagram. Those are your options.

You have to do a big post where you're like, I'm getting off. I'm getting off. For my mental health. For my mental health. Which is kind of true. And then you add everyone but him to your close friends. Or you hide your stories from him or you add him to the close friends only for a day put that post out on the close friends Now, hell this your genius and then swap it around

Everyone else on the close You put him on close friends. You're like, gotta get off IG. I've been depressed. I'll miss all the awesome memes, but it's just better for me that I stay off. And then he starts texting him. It's even worse. That's your only, those are your two options.

Mailing into his house, mailing to him. Good luck, Good luck. My friend, we're rooting for you to keep up that friendship. And thank you to everybody who called in 904 800 staff. If you want to leave a voicemail, we'll be next week. We'll have our regular episode with Mateo Lane. We have a great Patreon episode, a bonus episode coming up this Thursday with Sean Patton, you guys are going to love it. So watch out for those. Mike, thanks for coming, buddy. What do you want to plug?

If I could just, yeah, I'm taping a special in New York City. Yes. If you are 26. And we'll put Dan. We'll also put this in the like description. We'll put it in the, we'll put on the YouTube all the kind of stuff. Yeah, if you don't mind linking that, that'd be good and excited. February 26, go see Mike

One of the funniest comics you're so fucking I mean Trilier is appreciate it I got a podcast after smokes and I got some road dates. They're all in my Instagram bio Let's run the fucking we got we got Baltimore Be more Boston boss. We got Buffalo on Valentine's Day and helium. Oh, beautiful. We got Denver Comedy Underground,

the 17th and 18th of February. And then we got Hilarities and Cleveland February 19th. That's President's Day weekend. I love it. And get your tickets for the I Love to See You There. Yeah, thank you. Go see Mikey on the fucking road. We, the fat rascal tour is coming.

We're saying pretty well. Me and El, El this will be at these dates, folks. He'll be working the cameras. He'll be fucking doing everything. We're coming. We added a couple more dates to, I wanna say Seattle, Austin, Chicago, and something else that I'm forgetting,

but who gives a fuck? Stobby.biz check them out and That's pretty much it guys. Thank you if you like the show Consider subscribing to the patreon two episodes of what you get a next show episode a week and We'll see you next week with Mateo Lane. Yeah, kick the money to the creators that you like cancel your paramount plus and your exactly HBO, which is all full of godless Paramount Plus in your HBO which is all full of godless Liberals it's nothing but godless Liberals you don't get good family values like you do on this fucking show Love you guys talk to you later bye I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries.

So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms. And in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around, the Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile.

Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb.