Stavvy's World - Monroe Martin

Episode Date: February 27, 2023

Monroe Martin joins the pod to talk about growing up in foster care, his touch-and-go relationship with his dad, and thinking his friends were messing with him when he was just getting robbed. Stav and Monroe help callers including a guy insecure about making less money than his fiancee and a guy wondering if he should hook up with his coworkers overseas.Subscribe at patreon.com/stavvysworld for exclusive Patreon-only episodes.

I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels but then it was obvious get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods

and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family.

Whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification, get an Airbnb. Welcome everybody back to Stavis world. We got a heater for you guys 904 800 stop if you want to call in and Leave your questions. We got my boyman Roman. No, yo, what's up? Can I say hope I do you can say hope I go crazy? It's just like Your it's a really close to you know what it is pretty close to you If you're really letting them fly if you're breaking your breaking plates you can break plates Oh dude great party Greek Greek Green parties go fuck while black people break break sit cops get calls No, no, no this that's the thing is like it really is flexing

They're like we don't even care about our plates. That's how much we're parted. It's like, we don't feel that way. I wonder what the overhead is though. For a good baptism. Doesn't even matter. That's the first people I ever saw make it rain. It was old Greek guys.

When people are dancing, it's the same thing. It's just flexing. It's all it is. Flexing is across all cultures. So why are more like black women going after Greek dude? It's a great question. I'm gonna money out so I'll be only fucking Greek then and you know what? From your lips to God's ears Monroe. Hey, I would love to have a black wife. That's the next move I'll be great. It would be nice.

We've got super producer Elders coming in, playing not quite his flu game. Elders' cheeks have been loose the last 24 hours. Isn't that right Elders? I woke up at 6 am. My stomach was making crazy ass noises. I was shitting all the blood and he was crazy. I'm going to sick up with someone. No, he's just telling us. He's a stomach bug. Yeah, he had a little room.

He used to group on to take his girlfriend out. Oh, how dare you. Oh, I'm so surprised. You get it. No, don't worry about that around there. He just count real. Damn, poor eldest. You can see he's struggling.

He's fighting over there. You're going to do. You're going to make it up. Yeah, he's ready. He's ready. He's very ready. His body is fighting whatever he's got. His head is fucking here already.

It's been all that. It's been all that. It's been all that. It's been all that. I'm fine. His perfect temperature here. All morning, I've even been like ice cold to the touch or just hot Damn, dude you got that little pre-feed dinner that was been sitting under the the heat lamp all weekend Where'd you go Chinese buffet? Yeah?

Girl out to number one China dragon buffet. Yeah, it's girl out to number one trying to drag in. Now we went to this Peruvian spot. This is actually pretty nice. It's a good restaurant. Yeah, it's called Lama A. N. Williamsburg. Lama A. Okay. It's a good restaurant. Yeah, it's actually legitimately really tasty. But I also I also followed up with like two slices of pizza right afterwards. Yeah, across the street. Yeah, and it could have been the fish of Lama A. And it could have been some old ass buffalo chickens sitting now. Who knows how long he had a buffalo chicken slice. It wasn't even a plane.

A plane to cleanse the palate before dessert. That's one thing. But like, why did you go eat another meal? Come on, man. You know the answer. He is though. I can get into the story. We tried some like breath or class

Fucking you know it was like an hour and a half just some hippie shit the breath work and afterwards I woke I felt like a baby at the I was like what is going on and I was like we just like passed a pizza place on the way there And I was like I don't feel like? And I was like, we just like passed a pizza place on the way there, and I was like, I don't feel like eating some little fancy as dinner right now. Oh wow. I was thinking about like pizza all night.

So after the breathwork, you wanted pizza. Yes. You do an hour and a half of breathwork that's supposed to connect you with your most inner desires with the person you love, you're with your girlfriend. And the thing, the dominating thought coming out of that breath work was, I need a nice slice.

No. If you guys said it, you knew how I felt. You would not have wanted to go. Oh, that's so much. I'm like, how the shape is, you were breath work. You were so, you were breath work. Hey, you deep breath. You were.

I think I was just a ill from looking within. Yeah, that is the real issue. I'll just look within. It's respect. That's anymore. No, everyone on this podcast, everyone at the Stabby Baby Enterprise is barely keeping it together.

That, you know what, though? I aspire to that level of love where you go out, you have a fancy dinner, and there's no judgment between you and your girl girl love each other so much that you can get a Two slices of pizza afterwards and look is she thrilled? Probably not but she accepts you for who you are. Yeah, that's beautiful because in my mind She's gonna have to deal with all that at home There's no way there's no way out this fucks post meal

I'll just barely fucks want an empty stomach happen less She was dealing with it this You barely got out of bed, you shit. She was tending to you. That's beautiful, ma'am. Thank you. That's really nice. She loved. Shout out to her.

Shout out to her, absolutely. We're glad. We're glad you're fighting through it. That's got to be nice. I'm sure you've had that. You're married. You must have a nice situation where you could just... You used to also be fatter.

You look great these days. Thank you, ma'am. Yeah, no. I had to get my shit together, you look great these days. Thank you man. Yeah, no, I had to get my set together man. I had black, black problems instead. I was saying black problems, but. They are, yeah. I call them high cholesterol.

You took my weight. Yeah. But in many ways being a fat man, that's kind of like culture appropriation. I'm taking, I'm taking black health problems. Yeah man. With high cholesterol. I see I had to keep getting like fucking epidrosum or back and stuff Wow, and then like you're giving birth yo the same shit

They give a lady whose pussy is split wide open. Just you out going for a brisk walk And the last time I went to physical therapy, I had like a young dude and like afterwards, he was just like, hey man, can I just be honest with you? And nothing good comes out of it. No, no, no. When a medical professional's like, hey, off the clock man to man,

I'm not supposed to say this, but. He says, this is whatever that is. He's like, you're too young to be really just dealing with these problems Because everyone in physical therapy was like old 36 and I'm fucking sitting on a floor He was like watch these YouTube videos here some printouts and it's like just lose weight I was like well, all right. Did you ever have any back injuries before?

Was it just like, just like, just being fed a shit, man. Just being fed a shit, man. Yeah, I've been working out. I've been lifting weights this last like a few months and it's like, it's simply to stay alive. Yeah. It's like, it's not even like, I'm not losing weight at this point. It's just like The all the travel all the like eating you know like you know

It's my birthday this weekend. I you know, I'm sorry. Thank you, bro I was just you know, whatever. It's like being on the road all that stuff. It's like I actually do feel good But I'm not making progress. I'm just like not getting fat. And at a certain point, it's like you have to do just exercises. So you're back, like literally my back, I had the same shit with the middle of my back, and I was like, wow, I'm just needing you mattress. You blame everything else. And then I literally worked out for three weeks, and it was like, it was gone. Yeah, that's it. I did a couple back exercises. But isn't it like sometimes once you're big, like once you start trying to lose the weight,

you can die, right? Oh, yeah. You're fucking black. I don't know. We got used to this shit. Absolutely. Absolutely. Have we ever had a big pun?

That's something. I think no, no, I think he just was fatted. He was so fat he died. Damn. I don't think it was a trying to lose weight situation. That guy was biggest hell. Yeah. I mean, it wouldn't make sense. lose weight situation. That guy was biggest hell. Yeah. I mean, it wouldn't make sense.

Like, you can't say big pun. Of course. Yeah, man, it wasn't like that. He had some leeway though. At the end, he was real big. I salute that guy for getting pussy at that weight. Because when I get to 325, right now I'm at 310. Yeah.

When I get to 325, it's like- Oh, you want to keep going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no old woman. Yeah, I have no sex drive. I just want to eat chocolate Just gossip with my friends. But guess what? Big dudes stay with women. That's true. At least growing up and Philly most of the big dudes who would fly and had all the chicks They were fat. I know. They had a nice car. They had nice gear and I get it You can't fuck your girl that much, but you get either pussy and treat it nice. Yeah, exactly.

Hey, man, that's kind of my motto. Yeah. I'm gonna eat to pussy and treat you nice. Absolutely. Now, there have been great to advances in dick pill technology. That's true. However, I think Big Pun probably would have died

five years earlier if he had access to some Romans. If he had access to the blue chew Roman. Hey, you hear that folks? I could have said your name brand right here. So think about that. As a big dick pill user, I'm probably the number one free agent advertising dick pill wise out there on the internet right now. You think Bill, I'll make you sweaty. I'll take them for a special occasion when I really want to throw some primo dick Yeah, you know, but then you fucking too long sure

It really does it elongate the nut in a way where it's like because your dick stops being an instrument for your pleasure at this point You've turned it into like a rubber mallet The almost have to come by accident. It's hurtful. Oh, yeah. You turned it into a blunt object to hurt a woman's pussy with. There's no more. There's no more having a good time with it. You just have to prove to yourself you can get hard.

So I'm sure there's some actual dosage that you know, you should, the reality is just like that, the physical therapist, a real doctor, not some bullshit internet company that's trying to sell me $50 worth of dick girls every month. A real doctor would be like, you're 34, you're fat as shit, just take a couple walks every week and you'll probably be able to get hard.

So do some squats. Yeah, literally dude. And also, it's also funny because it's like, also your body just tells you that, hey, maybe you shouldn't just fuck random strangers. Maybe your body tell you. Huh? Your body says.

But I'm not being able to get hard, you know what I mean? Because it's like, being in a relationship, even when I was fat, I was like, my dick would work very like, better than a dick pill, right? And it's like, remember being in a relationship even when you're when I was fat I was like my dick would work very like better than a dick pill, right? And it's like oh right. Maybe I should love love The people I fuck yeah Not you get that wood and it's only like for that person you don't get what fuck about yeah

Certainly that can happen to yeah, that's kind of like the Bizarro love bump. That's like the confidence booster, you're like, I beat it up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That dick is, that kind of, that kind of boner is venom, or is being in love and getting a hard dick is Spider-Man. Yeah, you know, it's like,

there is an evil hard ass dick you get. With certain women, we were like, oh no. Like, I truly probably the best pussy I've ever had in my life I literally put my Mac book in the hotel Safe before she came over I don't know this is a real gamble I'm downstairs. You're like, okay, one minute. Just putting on my valuables and the fucking safe. And that is the end bump.

Believe me, I was hard to sell, had a great time. And then I was like, all right, CLL. And then he's still. Didn't see anything. But, you know, it was in the car, you know, it was kind of a stranger in the car, but there was just something about it where I was in there, for sure.

I didn't even realize it probably your shirt is what made me think of the Venom hard dick analogy. No, the great analogy. Thank you. Thank you, my friend. But yeah, dude, thanks for coming. We just kind of let everybody know. Let everybody know, this is an advice show we kind of get people's lives in order. So we want them to know a little bit about your backstory where you came from. We've been friends for years now. When I first moved to New York, we met, you know, just doing the worst clubs in the city at the time.

You know, just taking any spots we could. We've talked about the standing room on this podcast before the hallway. That's what I meant my wife though. Really? Yeah, I, I, is she in the audience thought she came into the art. So basically it wasn't romantic. How should they? My wife was like a party pooper. Okay. And the group of people she came with, they were like, they

were trying to have fun, but she was just miserable. And they was like, Hey, if you don't drink these drinks, then we're going to make you talk to that big black dude on stage. Wow. And this happened. So your wife had better vibes. Wow. Oh, man, it just happened. So if your wife had better vibes, you wouldn't be married right now.

It wouldn't be my wife. Yeah. I love that they used to use a threat. I said, my racist threat to get your wife to drink at the Kilosota turned into a love, turned into a beautiful love story. I mean, I don't blame her though, because that club, and we've talked about it before, it was like a hallway.

It was fucking terrible. That they put, like, you could, there was no, you were staring right at the wall. There was no, there was like one seat here, one seat here, and then two seats on either side of the, no green room, so nothing. No green room, so if you were rating around for you, said you had to stand outside,

whether it was like a raining, it to stand outside, it was fucking raining. Yeah. It was snowing. It was hottest. And it would tell you, they would excuse me. You got to. Yeah. They would kick us out. Yeah. There was a little bar in the front room. Yeah. And we were not allowed to hang out there if there was one person. And they were serving fucking the weirdest. It would be like a drink and a light bulb, I fucking bail pepper. It was, they were really trying to catch on to the cocktail, the mixology, praise. And they had these twin Japanese bartenders.

Those guys were cool. There was twins. I'm so bad. I'm racist. Who's the boy racist? I'm just one person. It's definitely you guys. So, I'm like, he's not really that weird.

We're racist in different ways because they might not, and I just said it out loud, they might not be twins. They might just have been two Japanese guys. I think, I've never seen them at the same time, so how did you and two get to it? They were there at the same time sometimes. Maybe like one guy, anyway, that is really funny.

They both had long hair. So we'll find out, maybe Maybe like one guy, anyway, that is really funny. They both had long hair. So we'll find out. Maybe it was one guy. Maybe they were arguments with Chris. No, no. Yes. It's like, stop booking me there, y'all. I'm like, it's the weekend that you got me in a fucking hall.

No one will, we all were taking those spots. You could tell nobody there had anything better going on because no one wanted those spots. Nobody wanted those spots. And at the same time, a lot of good comics passed through there, and I do think we all got better at comedy, because it was such an atrocious club. Then we all had to figure something out.

Yeah, like now when I hit the stage, I don't, I give very little fucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I'm like, I've been everywhere at the point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so that was yeah, permanent close. Permanent close would yeah permane close yeah, good. I love Just pulled it up for those you Listen, I even know that it was literal right?

Being creative like that's all you can do that's me look at that. I'm literally in that picture That's all you can do. Look at that. I'm literally in that picture Why you watching this show oh Nothing but comics that's Nothing nothing but comedians dude. This is so funny. You know what? You know what this probably was this probably like we got we got a You know what this probably was? This probably like we got, we got it, we paid for a write up. Can you guys sit and pretend you're an audience?

So it looks like that. But look at that, that's a nice, is that you? Right away, fine, Koonal, can you zoom in? That's you, me! Look at her! Ha ha ha ha ha! Holy shit! We had no break!

For everyone at home, the elders literally just Google image search the standing room. And this is what we found. Holy fuck. Put that on the episode. Oh, this God damn, that's so funny. We weren't lying folks. And truly, I mean, you see it. It's a fucking hallway.

This look at that shit. Look at that. I good for, what's we call it? The two fucking KC and a Gibram both acting like Fucking Alex. Why is he rubbing his eyes? God damn it. Hey, but just fake me like Me and you both like yeah, my trusty cardigan. I really I really ran that look into the ground cardigan I really I really ran that look into the ground. Nah that's the fact. I'm not gonna get on to it.

You know what I mean? We're in a shirt with the fucking black cardigan on top of it. That's how you hide the titty me. That's how you hide the titty me. It hides just it hides just enough titty me. Oh you can tell I'm on a I'm on a I haven't come to grips with it weight gain situation right there. All my clothes are of size to spawn. I don't want to I don't want to grips with it weight gain situation right there. Oh my closer of size to spawn I don't want to I don't want to admit it's time to go 3x

When you're clinging onto the 2x is a fat man. That's a tough time I haven't went to 3x yet Wow That was one of the things where I'm like once I get to fucking pass to I'm gonna kill myself Honestly when you cross the 3x Rubicon and it and just accepted which I have done right now because I have no other That's a tough. Yeah, you're like damn. I'm really I'm swimming in dangerous waters right now like every day I'm like the short like it's like you're just taking a swim in shark and festive waters It's like a shark could get me could knit me. I don't think the shark will kill me, but you know, my, and some might happen.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I might, a toe, my God, by the way. Cause you can only go to specialize stores. Right? Yeah, yeah, the big and tall. Big and tall, or you just gotta hope that they just got that extra inventory, that there was one store, just like,

yeah, I think we got like maybe two, three X's, you want them? Oh yeah, yeah. They offered you the whole inventory, actually, you want them. Oh, yeah, they offered you the whole inventory I just like you want any of 100% But yeah, that's so fucking fight me. May the standing room rot in peace But yeah, you when did you come to New York? When did you? 2010 2010 okay, yes, you're here for a few the Jersey first

Living with their games. Oh hell yeah. Something happened where like somehow he was behind on rent. So I'm like, I'm like, I'm paying. I'm paying. To live on a couch, I'm paying. Where do you must rent for a couch? That's so funny.

Like, Tuesday, I'm like, why are you charging me so much for a regular couch? I don't know, man, it gave you a number. You said, yes. Well, I wonder if I can prick negotiating with you. We should have brought him on here to defend themselves. Yeah. That's so fucking funny.

Because you grew up in Philly. grew up in Philly. All over Philly due to foster care. So I lived in, I'm originally from what, I mean, from North little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little at the laugh house. Oh, damn, okay. Terrible. Maybe like the laugh house is one of those, everyone talks, that's the black club in Philly. Everybody talks about, do you wanna shit show that place it is? No, it's not, I won't disrespect it and say it was this shit,

not a shit club, like a tough place. It was very tough from just, like everyone's started. At that club, everyone's funny. Even if they're not professionally funny, the waitress is a funny, the club's a funny, so everybody don't respect you. Right, everybody's like, you have to pray

if I wasn't cooking these wings. Yeah. Yeah, no, but it sounds like a, I mean, you know, is he still around? No, no, it's, yeah, it's closed down, but it's one of those places where like, so the open mics were real shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do three minutes and if you was a popman,

they had this guy in legendary with, he's fucking great, great comedian. Yeah. And he hated hacky comics, especially new guys. So if you was up there and you up there talking about your dick or how much you fuck or whatever, ain't like, all right, hell come on stage, fucking take the mic out of your head. Yeah, whatever the fuck he there talking about your dick or how much you fuck or whatever ain't like all right Hell come on stage fucking take the mic out of your head And as a new guy like you get bully of course

Yeah, and some people like what fuck like they argue with him He didn't get he was one of those white guys that'll go there, which are you? Ready that'll go there, which he was like, what do you want to do? Huh? I'm ready. That's awesome. He was a white guy. What in the mic at the last round? What the fuck is that? I have fucking a mic just, and man, he kept,

he kept like a good generation of comics fucking honest because we didn't want with snatching a mic out of our hands or shitting on us. And you, like those comics who actually listened to him, we went on to like, do guest spots on the weekend and then host the fucking headlines. So he was right. Yeah, yeah, of course.

You know what I mean? Cause he sees it, he's like, I've been here long enough to see the path to bullshit. It's interesting that like coming, like going from like, you know, foster care all over. It's like, it's funny to think about coming from a background where comedy is like, could be grounding. Or it's like not, it's like it's funny to think about coming from a background where comedy is like could be grounding It's like not it's like less chaotic than fucking comedy, which is

And it's I'm just used to it and I probably just fucking thrive on of course you're Makes sense. Yeah, all shit was all over the place. So were you when did you start when we were foster care from I Went in at like I guess seven years old maybe six seven. Okay. Yeah, but I should have went in there earlier Have a place to live so we were just bouncing around the other friends places He said I'm sleeping in other kids beds. I don't really know like that Friends places and I'm sleeping in other kids beds. I don't really know like that Imagine being that kid the night and pee in someone else's bed And your mom was fuck who she was a mess, right?

Imagine being that kid and you're like I gotta sleep with this fucking Crack his kid pissed my bed. And I was a fucking, he's eating the fucking freaks. What the fuck mom? Who is this lady? Oh, we would come there with a community. But first of all, no one was doing that well. Like, as you both, yeah, yeah. Sleeping your bed, you fucking help too.

Right, right, right. So they would just do a community pot of like baked beans and fucking vegetables. Oodles and noodles. Yeah, yeah, right. So they would just do like a community pot like of like baked beans and what you got. You got you got you. Who does the noodles? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the way, yeah, basically, what you just described was all shit

you can get in prison. Yeah. It's like having like Doritos and beef jerky making nachos out of that. Yeah, some of those prison guys on YouTube, you'll see it, you're like, I know you said, no, it's bad. The ramen flavor packet mixed up with tuna,

hmm, interesting. You do that too? No, the guys in prison do Monroe. Oh, I'm gonna have to say, but my wife said oh, me if I go in there. She's right, that's why. She would be wildly in coverage. I'm like, the list is, you should try it.

She's like, never, I'll never try it. And she's right, you're doing better. You don't have to do that She'd anymore. She said that's over culture away from her. My wife is Columbia All I've introduced her to was canned food She's from the land of ampunatas and bloom-wellos and I'm like, yeah, hey, baby. You want some shrimp ramen with butter in it? Oh, it's butter Whoa butter you're doing the water Eldest you're a man after eldest's heart. He loves fucking dumb shit like that

I remember I used to make some ramen concoction I know you did motherfucker. You know like don't feel like make it spaghetti, but let's see what we got here Broke broke the broke mindset you both have to free yourselves neither of you are in poverty anymore eldest is house is the first place I had a butter and sugar sandwich he toasted bread it wasn't toasted motherfucker it was a white bread with butter and sugar on it it was good but don't don't front and say you toasted No, you got to toast it

You toasted some butter on this bring a little sugar on it. Yeah, yeah, I don't do that now Yeah, you're over it. I used to think hot talk buns Hot dog buns, I'm not fucking sour cream cheese in that That's it. I'll just that was another never been my go-to when I was poor. Yeah, that's it, that's it, that was another. It's never been my go to when I was poor. Yeah, yeah, it's gotta be refrigerator, that's why. Yeah, he need shit, he need shit to get in the cupboard. I need to get in the cupboard.

Like ramen, you can just sit it in hot water and give it a couple minutes. You don't even need to pop it in a microwave. Yeah, I'm there. I'm there, bro. Like no, you just come out now. Not even microwave. You don't have to, you fucking turn the sink off, Man bro like no you just come on in microwave

Called anyway If you cut the ramen and do you wait for it to cool down? It's gonna be the same temperature Wow, this is good. That's how you survived your horrific childhood Wow, this is good. That's how you survived your horrific childhood. Yeah, man. I noticed that. It's happening, yeah. It's having such a nice, having such a nice spin on things. Yeah. Well, I'm just gonna be lukewarm at some point. You might as well cook it that way. You might as well just get the sink hot.

No. I'm not single, I'm gonna let her run for like a couple of three minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Three minutes, scald and hot. Like, it's just... Cover it. Yeah, dude. I'm sure. I'm sure. I mean, definitely we... Cover it. Yeah, dude. I'm sure, I'm sure. I mean, definitely we... Yeah.

There is some good... You can definitely figure out some good, impoverished eats, no problem. Yeah. But this... So was it just you and your mom and then you went? Or did you have... It was me and my sister.

So, I have two sisters. Okay. But it was me and my sister, me and her, like a year apart. We lived with my mom. And she was like, I wanna run from my dad. I don't know why. I don't know why, but she was a little run and bouncing around. And then she went into the shelter.

Probably a really cool reason. Yeah, right. Probably a really chill reason. And my mind is the terminator. Yeah. The terminator. The person's living up that terminator. Yeah, it's a kind of reason.

She's very kind. She's very kind. You're like, I'm John Connor. You're pissing in some other kid's face. You will respect me. You will respect me. I'm the only thing standing between you and that VCR killing you. You're just pissing his Aladdin sheets. You will respect me.

Another beautiful spin on it. Yeah, yeah, it's all about the spin. It's finished here. It's truly. I'll just you know, I was thinking the other day, I love you know what I love mango the fruit. I love it sweet. It's delicious. And I was eating a piece of mango pre-cut from a beautiful market here. You know how a story has some beautiful fruit markets. Absolutely. That was my move. I would get a little fruit salad.

You know many times I've gotten sucked off, being like, this is actually, one time I don't have to drink that. I was like, wanna come back with some fruit salad? And I thought it was smooth and then some girl, after she fucking was like, that was so weird. You asked me to come over for a fruit salad I was like I don't know I wasn't dry and I didn't I wasn't drinking at the time. Well they say mangoes are an effort easy act.

Well here's the thing. Thank you for bringing me back on point because I was eating the mango and I've often times I've had mango and gotten pussy right afterwards. Yeah. And I was thinking to myself what if this mango made my dick hard? You know? I was like, now that would be something else. That'd be awesome. And I am happy to report that there is a new kid in the game. You know I'm a dick pill evangelist, eldest. Oh, yeah. You know I'm an ED. I've tried them all from the gas stations to other other services mango Rx now has a new ED poll that is game-changing

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We're talking, zwing! You know when they take out a sword and it goes, zwing! Yeah. That's how I felt putting my dick out of the condom. It was like unsheathing my hard cock. It was pure metal after I had some mango Rx, bro. Shining in the light.

Yes, one little gleam. One little gleam when I turn my dick a little bit. Mango Rx tastes good and makes your dick hard like metal folks. You heard it here first. I don't know. Yeah, I, because like I said, I've done a bunch of them and they also have an amino acid that helps increase blood flow. They got all kinds of science shit in here.

They're making them taste delicious. I am so happy. It is, it was the goal of this podcast. Truly, we sort of made a podcast to discover and work within you. The innovators on the cutting edge of the heart making your dick hard science in the field, right? People who have a beautiful goal, here's their mission, make America hard again, eldest. They have, you know, let's get, can we get, fuck, an idiot. There you go, sorry.

We tried to give it the applause, it deserved, but some asshole wasn't ready to go. And look, make America hard again. I think on, whatever side of the aisle you're on, conservative liberal leftist centrist, you could, we could all use a harder dick. Maybe if we busted more with harder dicks, all this division in the world would go away, all this.

I think this is such a good product, Eldis. I think you might have to change your long standing opinion on ED, medication in general, because look, here's the thing about mango orics. You might not need it, but you're gonna want it, pal. Yeah. All right? I know I've spoken about it a it, but you're gonna want it, pal. Yeah. All right. I know I've spoken about it a lot,

but I am excited to try this one. Yes. A big part of that is the dissolving factor. Quick, works within 10 minutes, my friend. The dissolving factor and the yummy taste do make me very impressed. You've seen me take getables enough for. That's sure.

Just because you wanted a little dummy. I'm kind of a snack. Because that's so much wine to get high. That's sure just because you want a little dummy I'm so much to why I'm to get high as you take weed addables I've seen you take fiber Edibles where you're shitting yourself because you wanted a momentary a momentary snack I've seen you take thoms on an empty stomach just cuz you wanted to taste and that's how we got Elders through the door here with mango rx It's easy folks buying mangoying mango is so easy.

Just go to mangorx.com, complete a short and secured telemedicine visit. You're in your out and mango can be shipped discreetly straight to your door. The telemedicine visit is over in literally a matter of minutes. It's nothing. Quick and easy. Be sure to use code stav20 to save 20% off your first order. You and your partner are going to love it. That goes double for you, LD. I can't wait. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come.

Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mom and I stopped by that area to walk around and remember one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for

a big wedding or justification get an Airbnb. The spinners use I fully yeah, so is you and your you should me my sister and my mom. We were bouncing around with different people's houses. Then we went to like a mother and kids shelter. I think my sister accidentally stabbed somebody in the hand. What a kid. She was a kid. She was like four years old. So we got kicked out of that spot. You can't be in there starting gang war. You really can't. That's It was like four years old. So we got kicked out of that spot. Damn.

You can't be in there starting gang wars. You really can't. That's gotta be one of the most basic rules. And then we got put in the fall secure after that by my grandmother and then we got split up. And we never lived together until we got old enough and I got my own place and she came to live with me. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, but yeah. I love my sister. She cool, but live with me. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, but. Yeah. Yeah, I love my sister. She cool, but I was like, you can't stay here. Yeah. You're like, you know, I was looking for a storybook ending, but. Yeah. That doesn't look like it's in the card for us.

Cardly. Yeah. But she did, she's doing great. She got her own crib. That's awesome. Three kids and shit. Hell yeah, dude. But, yeah.

And then we had two different journeys. Like I moved around a lot and I think she's only been in like maybe like four places. I was in like maybe 15 different spots. Damn dude. What the fuck? That was popular. Yeah, yeah.

The draft. The foster kid draft. Yeah, you're your biggest shit. Yeah. Like we need a center. Yeah. What the fuck, so how does that work? Is it like, is it like,

they put you in temporary spots? Yeah, dude, no, no, you think you're gonna catch Elden? No, dude, he's, whatever's going on is in his guts. Don't worry. Unless you had some of that buffalo chicken, you're fine. I'm good, let me. I'm pretty sure it's food poisoning. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's good. All right, all right.

But most foster homes are our temporary situations unless they're doing foster care to adopt. But my mom wasn't given up custody. Even though I never lived with my mom. So I aged out at 21, but at the age of 16, I was offered to live with her, but like something happened. I was like, no, I just ain't going to, I was offered to live with her, but like something happened. I was like, no, I just ain't gonna work out.

Because I didn't know her as a mom. Man, her had a friendly relationship and shit. Sure. But I'm like, I understood that I would have to be under like her authority and all that shit. And I'm like, I just seen what you and so on. What your life I can't now. Just like you, like, hey. Yes, I just seen what you and so on. What's your life I can't down just like you, like, hey. Yes, I'll listen to you.

So I make that decision just to stay in and stay in care until I qualify for Supervised Independent Living and that's when they give you your own place, but you gotta like interview and like be in school and have a job and all that shit. And usually women only go in these places, but I fucking, I got to get the gab That's also so fucked with their like impress us

Tell us show us Show us that you deserve a place to live That's so one bedroom to myself. That's awesome. Yeah, that's why although it's like, even after you go through the whole fucking program they won't have, that's what's fucking blows my mind. It's like, we could just house everybody. We really could. Like we have the fucking capability to do that. And it's like, here's somebody who,

you went through foster care, you fucking went through all this shit, stayed in the program, whatever. And then there's still like, you fucking went through all this shit, stayed in the program, whatever. And then there's still like, you have to meet this many fucking, why can't they just give you a house for a year and just like figure your shit out? They don't give anything away for free, man. You gotta work for it. But I would say it was worth it though, just because like I didn't really like meet the

qualifications. Like I went to community college, I barely wanted to bid. I spent like damn, there are four years in community college. Cause I understood the logger I stayed in school, the logger I can keep in place. So I'm like, I'm doing the minimum. I'm taking like three credit courses. That's the best.

Like when do you go graduate? Yeah. Well, I'm working. I love my education so much. That's sick. It was a good place. It was a nice spot and filling near to suburbs. But it's like, and filling all the people who come to the suburbs to rob people. They're going out.

They're like, they're like, they're going shit. Of course, of course. It's just something I got a joke about. It's just recycling. Why would you end up going out? They're like, they're like, they're the guys shit. Of course, of course. It's just something I got a joke about. It's just recycling. So they were going to sub-bugs. And I was so like out of that mindset when I was living there one time,

like these two dudes ran up on me. And like, I felt them put some of them back and they was like, give that shit up. And I fucking so goofy. I'm like, come'm like come on man like I thought it was my friends And I grabbed the gun From my back And me and my contact her he's right to this nigga just grab the This nigga just grabbed the guy

Gun so here's something I So I once you grab the gun you're in and to do the He doesn't gun yeah, I have the gun, but he like kind of like pulls it back And then he didn't shoot me at the time. So I'm like I Let me just try some so I'm like, yo, man, we go have to scrap this shit and I take off my book bag of my jacket and then his dude just runs up snatches that shit That's incredible. That's so fucking wild. The the confidence you thought it was your boy because they grab like that sure of course because where I live so I was one of those dudes like I'm like yo I got an apartment it's everybody's apartment which is dumb that's so fucking stupid y'all so I had some of my

homies would just be waiting outside of my crib for me or whatever and they could see me walking up the street They're like running up on me like We play around like there's a source I was confident You're acting like fucking John Wick That's that'll just this is this episode so far. It's about mindset. It's about having positive mindset You just completely survived the fucking what could have been a fatal mugging no This episode so far, it's about mindset. It's about having positive mindset. You just completely survived the fucking,

what could have been a fatal mugging, by just being goofy, and then trying to challenge someone to a fight. I really respect the other guys like, no, we're just trying to steal. We don't have honor or thieves. Ha Hahaha. Hahaha. Hahaha. And that's what they probably wanted anyway. Oh, a fucking jacket, right?

Well, yeah, it was a state property jacket. Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, so those jackets were like 200 bucks, man. Yeah. I was bumming your shit, but that jacket was like, that was the thing about my piece. The main piece. The whole thing was going to love me.

Yeah. Hahaha. Yeah, it. Thank you, man. Yeah, it must be tough getting pussy and foster care. It's gotta be fun. Believe it or not, they give it up. Yeah. They give it up. They give it up. They give it up, they give it up.

They give it up, they give it up. Yeah, I guess you're right on self. I was thinking more from a privacy standpoint, but I guess in other ways, yeah, it's a bunch of kids who just want some kind of acceptance from someone. So maybe it's a nice way to, maybe that's a nice silver lining, you know?

You gotta think, man, when you have foster care, like most of the people you hang out with, they also fucking, they just be roaming the streets and shit, so they find hangouts spots. Yeah, yeah. They know what they'll make sure. They know what they'll make sure. Everybody's shit so they find hangout spots. Yeah, they know I'll go to everybody's just chilling the smoke a weed and all that shit I didn't smoke nothing but I was always close to the kids that just had nothing going on Sure, and then you all the places to just chill. Yeah

Was the setup like a fucking hostel was it like bunk bed and shit? Were you in certain places? So in the foster homes depending on how many kids they had in there I never really lived in the spot where they have like marked like that many kids sure it's always been like me or like two other kids I live with this one lady like before I aged out it was four of us but the three of them were her real kids and shit but I was like man like I should have stayed I like what the fuck is going on. She had no heat right? Damn middle of winter time Excuse me, sorry and we fucking all of us we just laying in our beds

Where they coat all were like we were showered to put our clothes on what the fuck and then like we would just be fully dressed So all you have to do is wake up in the morning watch your face and brush the teeth Then like we would just be fully dressed so all you have to do is wake up in the morning and watch your face and brush your teeth. And you should. Just keep the fuck out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holy shit, so.

But some places, hey, we're fucking great. Like some homes I lived in, I have my own room. Oh, wow. I have my own TV. Yeah. Game system and shit. But I was so institutionalized that you don't understand or something that's treating you good.

Right. So I think it's a trick. You think it's a trick? You think it's a trick, so like they give you a little bit of reparations, like not rep, like, um, does that work? Where they just like a rep or man, you for doing something and you just flip all the way to fuck out. You go, they will, hey, don't do that.

What the fuck you do? My mom was on crap. Oh, you're a hair trigger on the flipping out. So I like sensitive, you were sensitive. You were very sensitive. For some places were great and in some places were terrible. And then like looking back, I was like, I didn't have to say that.

Yeah, of course, but you're a fucking kid. Who's fucking, you know, who's for the first years of your life you're Moving around you have no context for like what a normal person behaves like, you know I mean like cuz even in my personal life like with my mom and stuff even on her side people act like that right Right, you know, I mean so to me, that's just how you survived. Of course. If somebody fucking tried to say something or do something that you didn't like, you just fucking gave them all the energy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was learning all that, oh, that's not right. Right, right. But that's a hard thing to do to program yourself on. Yeah, that's straight up survival. Like you see that shit where it's like, yeah, it's like, when you see like a fucking, like's like when you see like a fucking like a when you get like a rescue

And that motherfucker just close out immediately. It's like chill that we're in a house motherfucker There's cream for you just chill the fuck out, dude. That's what I call myself a rescue husband Yeah My wife is patient, y'all. I'm just patient. Yeah, I can work with some time, baby. It's only been seven years. Damn, dude. That's great. I mean, it is huge to just go from that and then work your way up through the system. Even that is a big accomplishment. And then after you're, you know,

so you stay there as long as you can in that little apartment or whatever? Yeah, I milk that shit. I aged out of 21, 21, 22. And the people who were like looking after me, they knew it because each, so basically you get not a social worker, but you get like basically like a liaison somebody to speak for you and like

And you have like a relationship with that person over there. Yeah, really cool Like they actually like kind of push me to do comedy. That's cool Shold up to my first show even though it was fucking terrible. Of course, but it's lady new. She's just like look man like What you should have been going by now Look man, like what you should have been going by now. You should have been out of this situation, but we understand, so I got to stay in my apartment to like 21, early 22, and then I already knew the process of like getting your own place,

cause they definitely teach you life skills. They teach you how to fucking manage a checkbook, teach you how to do your own taxes, how to cook. Like every week you have to take these life skill classes and they definitely pay it off. So once I aged out, I already knew like, all right, hit people up on Craigslist. You had better skills, you had better skills

than a lot of motherfuckers graduating college. Dude, if I were to be with my mom, I wouldn't have known none of that shit. I'm being honest, I wouldn't be lonely. I ain't be honest. Absolutely. So when I was in hard, none of that shit. I'm being honest, I was the only one. I ain't even yet actually. Absolutely. So when I was in hard, though, I guess that's crazy to me to think about,

as you're like a kid and you're moving around, it must have been hard to maintain a core group of friends. Absolutely. You had to just completely, because it's also maybe be different now when everybody's online and shit, but it's like back then,

we kind of grew up in the air right before that shit. It was still just, call a fucking landline and show up or whatever, and especially, everything's so regional, that I feel like I knew all the kids from my neighborhood, but if I had to pick up and move the fucking, from Southeast Bolts, where I was in Northwest Bolts, I wouldn't know fucking anybody,

so that shit must have been... No, it's pretty tough to challenge. Especially because, like imagine you giving your phone number out and you build a relationship with a group of kids and then they call it a C if you can come out and if a hell of a living no more. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, where'd it go?

I don't know. We don't fucking know. So, I was one of those kids where I knew, like I was really good with like navigating around the city, right? So I would fucking walk, like I've had a group of friends that lived in like South Philly. I would walk from like Braun Nallini, which would be like here, like walking from your crib to Lower East Side.

Oh my gosh. And I was like, two hour walk, baby. Yeah, two hour walk. And I would do it just to hang out with my friends. And because I didn't have no form of communication, like call them, I would just show up. And everybody. Whoa, what the fuck?

What the fuck? So I was just like that kid. Yeah. Like, hey, and the summertime you may see, Ro, you may not see them. Yeah, yeah. But then once I was you may see Ro, you may not see him. Yeah, yeah. But then once I was able to get a cell phone and stuff, then I was able to keep in contact with certain people.

So a lot of my friends now that I've made one time I got a cell phone, I'm still friends with. Cool. You know what I mean? What are my boys? He used to live in New York and he got married. He lives in Jersey, but we talked maybe like couple times a month. We hang out. Yeah, we still got that relationship, but it was hard as a kid. Of course. And then you got so many different friend groups and shit, because I was in after school

programs for foster kids and stuff. So I wouldn't be able to see my around the way friends because after school I got to go to this program and And you got to take these classes and you got to be there till eight and then once that's done I'm going home and I can't go back outside Damn and did you stay in the same like when you moved for with different Families you have to move schools and shit, too, or how did work? Luckily for me, I got to stay at the same high school. I got to stay at the same high school and then I got kicked out because I got into a little scuffle.

And it wasn't really, and it truly was because I was like a foster kid and somebody broke it, I'm trying to think who broke it at. My last foster mom, when I got kicked out, she broke it down to me. She was like, hey, look, I know you wanna express yourself this way and be all right, right?

But you already got a target on your back. Like, when you're in foster care, you already have like a record. Yeah, you know what I mean? She's so fucked. So, if anyone should get one little benefit of it down, she'd make that kid, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are we gotten to a scuffle in the auditorium. It wasn't even nothing like serious. It was just like kids fucking grab in each other

Do you remember what the Insighting incident was what was open that no respect And then we had a little ass teacher, like a little white teacher, like no bigger than that. She wanted to get in between it, and break it up. And like, I think one of us pushed her out of the way,

but like, you know, in the height of fashion. Of course, of course. So then, they said that we were in sight in a riot, because- Insighting a riot. Everybody else started like fucking Shit People

Just want to push teachers Of course that's your fucking Shava teacher. There was one time there was I it didn't have it It didn't have it to me. This was my brothers My brothers and a couple my friends who were too stupid to get into the good magnet school that I went to. They're Baltimore City, you know, I'm sure Phil, I don't know what Philly's public school is like. Baltimore City is fucking dog shit. And you can test into like, there's like fucking five good middle schools across the city. And you can test into them and I got into the best one.

And then my brothers and a couple of my best friends, there was one near us, on the southeast side of the city. That was solid. It was the recall southeast middle, and one time a pregnant teacher, and it was fucking, it was taught. I mean, it was a magnet, that's good to show you.

It's a magnet school, and it's still the kind of school where kids are getting fucking stabbed. I'm like Pokemon Mars. I'm smart, I'm like Pokemon Mars. They're real exactly where to fucking stabbed. I'm smart. I'm gonna get a little more. They're not exactly where they're stabbed. Yeah, exactly. They know, they know it's like it's not lethal.

You're fine. Yeah. They've studied. They've studied the fucking charts. And a pregnant teacher was like two girls were fighting and a pregnant teacher was trying to split them up and one girl kind of like shoved her and touched her stomach and the teacher fucking,

I'm like, hold on, this fucking sicks greater. And it was like, she was praying, I think she was not in trouble. Yeah, she didn't get in trouble because it was like self-defense in some ways, but it's just like that stopped that riot. And it strikes, it was like, what the fuck? People were like, oh my God, like they were laughing

because it was just fucking insane thing. It's like that pregnant lady just popped. Just absolutely fucking this girl up. Oh man, that was some real good stuff. Do you have any, you never have any violence with teachers right eldest? At your art high school? No, none like that.

Probably teachers fucked kids though. Yeah, the artsy ones. I went for a freshman year, I went to like this school up to my neighborhood. That place was ratchet as fuck. It was like super nice, he's from Baltimore too. Oh, okay. We've been friends since we were like kids. like this the school up to my neighborhood that place is ratchet is super net Oh, okay, we've been friends with like kids. Oh, just don't yeah, it's a Baltimore County, but I don't remember anything too crazy going down there except you know, I was like one of four white kids at

that school we had like a couple of them got fucked up one day and streaked like one to make out the only white kid's's dreams You're gonna get caught. There's only five of you Yeah, they came in wearing mask That's lucky to have white butt cheeks You made a white butt cheek from there. Oh yeah. That's why I'm not ready. It's very any crazy scuffles of teachers really. That's right, man.

You should back keep trying not to shit yourselves. We'll keep talking over here. I didn't teach a guy into a student around our way. You know, I was pretty much a shit dude. Teachers wouldn't give a fuck. Yeah. Yeah, they would snap on you. They would do everything.

Like, if you came to school and you tried to be loud in class, they would say shit. Like, well, that's why your mom, bum. That was a real fuck, bro. Didn't teach you how to roast you. You're failing. Yeah, cuz then you, like, you get to come out of Gromo. It taught you how to be funny, but also it kind of blurred the lines between fucking kid and authority failure because of an adult is saying this type of shit to me,

then we're equal. Exactly. You've completely the mystique as long as I respect you. You just show me you ain't shit. You've got no self control. So that's just, you know, so, and then you were later able to maintain. You got now you have a relationship with everybody. You have that hilarious joke about, you know, so, and then you were later able to maintain, you got, now you have a relationship with everybody. You have that hilarious joke about, I mean, jokes about your family, but how it like didn't work out even though they're a natural pair.

Yeah. Your mom and your mom is, she's addicted to drugs and your dad. Is that the fucking drug addict? How many drugs do you have? You're mom's drug addict and your dad's like dealer. Seems like it would make sense. That seems like it. It seems like a match made in the trap house. That worked out. But do you now do you have a relationship with

both? I got a relationship with my mom was building a relationship with my dad, but he's still, he never changes behavior. He still be up one time. Damn. And I was hurt. Of course, she was. Of course, she was. I was wrong for that shit, though. Of course. You know, it's so funny, because I told my wife, and she was like, but why would you believe him?

Yeah. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I got past it all the comedy clubs. I almost remember like, because yeah, I remember you getting past everywhere. And then we had both kind of graduated to working the stand. So I think part of me remembers this when you were kind of building a relationship with your dad. And so it's like, what happened after, because we, you know what I mean? So he hit me up, because of course, I was fucking doing this.

Yeah, you're okay. Yeah, you got the best at joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Making somebody so, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah What he said was he was like, hey man, I've been I've been here in your name. My friends sent me a couple of your clips. So your friends had to find me. My friends had to convince you. So I and I tried not to be bitter. Even though I was sure I remember talking to Keith about it. Keith Robbins.

Yeah, yeah. Just telling him like, ah, like I don't like we don't really have a relationship. And like he wants to hang out. He's like, we don't really have a relationship. And he wants to hang out. He's like, fuck it, hang out. Here, what do you have to say? Maybe he's the change man in this, that in the third. So my dad offers to come to New York.

He was a caddy or some shit. He was like, I work for this company. And I'm a becaddy in for these people up in Dyckman. It's like called Dyckman fucking course or whatever. The Bronx. Yeah, but it's like a golf course or whatever. So your dad is a, he was a higher drug dealer in current caddy.

Yeah. What, 60-year-old? He's doing great though. But I do a joke and about it, but he told me he got his master's degree. Wow. He fucking got remarried and audacious, right? But this is like the first time

that he's like trying to come back from my life. And actually met up with him after that. But the first time he came back, he hit me up, well, this is like the third time. Shit. Because he actually, when I was living in the family, when I was living in the family, he surprised me. Like he popped up,

because my sister gave him my address. Oh, wow. And then he just fucking pulled, and he like hit me up. And he was like, I'm outside. And I'm like, what? And he's outside. What's up, son? And he's with my sister.

And he takes us out to eat. But here's the thing. Yeah, the chick he was seeing at the time. And he took us to a Chinese buffet. That's why the shit was funny. Yeah. That's what I was like. Like, you and he took it to a Chinese buffet. That's why the shit was funny. Yeah, that's why the shit was funny. Like, you can't splurge a good shit.

I know, you can't splurge a good shit. But, what do you get the same for not taking care of it? And when we're fucking our Chinese buffet sure. $1 per person? That's where you take your kids, if as a poor person, you were in their lives. Yes, that's where I had a couple, a lot of important accomplishments were celebrated

of the Chinese buffet on Eastern Avenue in Baltimore. I'll tell you that motion. I'll tell you that motion. Yeah, I'll tell you that motion. But don't take me to a place that I take myself. Of course. Yes.

Lures a little bit. Absolutely. He took us to the Chinese buffet in Northeast. And then we, you know, we haven't found we eating. He's trying to do this whole fucking father shit. Oh, you make sure you got your grades. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We should do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I either have no money. So he like asked us to check his like portal to the side. And you can see it in the eyes like she like I don't even know He fucking kids and I got a paper this shit

You can see it or I love that he didn't even like run this by her before hand that's wild So that was the first time then the second time he He told me that he was coming to New York and I was like oh, well, I'm gonna be at the stand-on night. I'm gonna be hanging out Yeah, pull up. Let's kick it. Like, I'll leave your name at the door. Did all of that shit. Didn't even tell my wife though, just because I don't want to get too excited. Because a part of me was like, this month, like, he's in wish of love.

Of course. So I literally stayed to the last show, which is like, I do my spot for one. Yeah. And he like, you know, you doing one yeah and he like you know you do the texting and like what's what's your ETA oh maybe like 30 more minutes and then after that like you can never response the text so then I'm like I I got to take that right I'm just sitting at the bar everybody's like what's up how you doing I got to mass my sadness

I'm not I'm not reliving my most traumatic childhood issue right now I come home my wife she can just smell it. I'm sure you're good What's wrong? You know my dad said he was gonna pull up to a show a left his name of the door and everything and show his life Why would you believe him? Like no pattern Nothing it's like we can't have this conversation tomorrow Maybe tonight. Oh, I'm so sorry and tomorrow we can work on future plans for that swucking hilarious. But yeah, so the timer actually met him. It was when you meant, you know, Jamein Fowler, y'all.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, we did. Dude, we know, this is how Jamein probably doesn't remember this at all. But the first open mic I ever did, he was there, because he was like the little prince of fucking DC. And I literally, I I'm 19 so this is Fort 15 years ago. Yeah, and your main was like

Yeah, I think he's my age. Yeah, he was young as shit and yeah, he was just like I think like within three months He was was moving to New York shit But like I remember it EJ's landing in college park Maryland This dog shit fucking opened Mike, that was like he popped in, you know, just did a shit left, and there was me, and then like six other people all doing the mic, and one drunk guy, and that was the first time

I ever did comedy in a fucking seafood restaurant. Attached to a fucking... No chance, you remember that. No, no, no, no, no. When he was recording give him hell kid at The improv yeah, I went and my dad hit me up. I was like hey, man. Where's your dead? He was in DC. He lives in DC. He's from that area. He's from Baltimore, Baltimore I'd live I used to live down there with his mom. Oh, well fucking terrible. Yeah, it's bad

And I'm saying it's coming from fail. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my god. This is pretty bad. Yeah. Yeah. But um, so he hits me up and he's like, yo, man, uh, well, he, when you, when the next time you're going to be in DC, which is also like, what just come to me? Like, I gotta fucking, you just bother him. All you want. Or you're fucking I fucking you this father Like a girl in your DM's it's like well next time you're in my city Yeah, it's like you're my father. You're not some bitch. I'm trying to fuck You're my strange father who has 30 years to make up to be take a fucking bust in New York. He would do it. He would not do it. So I go, yeah, man, pull up to the show. I left him tickets at the door, cause there was a bunch of us, me, Keith, dare Chris,

come Dave Temple. And one other person. And I, I, oh, men went on air. And I invite my dad out to the show. He didn't show up, but he hit me up like right after him. So like, yo, I'm on bad. I got stuck at work. You should, like, what are you going to, what are you doing tomorrow? Let's get up. Let's hang out. I'm like, I'm eating with my homies. We just go to the diner and fucking leave and he was like, all right, well, let me hang out with y'all And I didn't tell nobody Single fucking person cuz I didn't believe it So then my dad he actually shows up

Everybody's like That's a weird ad. It's a freaking dinner hang. They like, what the fuck is happening? It's like, hey, guys, this is my dead bee father. I know we're all high shit, Chinese chicken tenders right now. But you're about to watch some heavy shit. Oh. Good.

Shows up, same chick from before. No, this is later the ball you fucking general shows. Yeah. From a vat 10 years earlier. Yeah. I fucking I can just see it in key ties key I'm like this my dad's everybody and due to introductions and shit and then um he sits down and my dad's just started fucking oh man yeah I follow all of y'all he don't know shit up

Yeah, y'all they are killing the man Y'all just y'all do what y'all think is good to watch man and he starts crying Hey Dude That's a fuck. Did you do it? What's going on? No, why don't you do this? What the fuck? You're crying at the diner with eight comedians. Eight comics sitting there. And I forgot to tell you before he got there,

we was all shitting on Derek's dad. Derek's dad is great. He's like a pilot. He's like part of the burps, right? He's like black. He's like a pilot. He's like a part of the burbs, right? He's like black He's like he made black history who's the first black pilot to fly Air Force one So we're all like no you didn't you there's a fucking janitor We just all shit knowing each other

My dad walk in he's like Dad walk in there like the fuck is going on That's so crying Like everybody's like quiet At my life, oh this nigga is blue in the moon Like it's just awkward for a good shit 10 minutes of just like sitting down and eating And then just been like answering his questions. So it has been, Jermaine comes in and then,

and he had just recorded his special. Jermaine just recorded his special. He's late because you know, I think he was probably fucking fucking celebrating doing something. All the chicks was on him that night. So he comes in, he's wide-read. Another hilarious, like imagine you record your special huge accomplishment and

accommodate your friends with. Fucking show them. Just bring the fucking father, his crack dealer father, who's crying in a booth. You'll be like, what the fuck, damn. So I think it was even Derrick or Keith. For I do this joke with things, but I make it Derrick, but I think it was even Derrick or Keith for I do the joke with things but I make it Derrick But I believe it was Keith because Keith was making sense there would be Keith out of all of them He's probably literally older than your dad. Yeah Yeah, yeah, so Keith is like, ah young fella. This is my rose dad and then Jermaine goes

You all got no dad And like we could not help it like everybody My dad is so uncomfortable Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, insane story. It was probably one of the greatest moments with my friends, y'all. Yes, yes. And then afterwards, so my dad dips, like he leaves, he stays a member a couple of minutes.

And he's eating, right? His girl's eating. So he's there for a while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So then he gets up, I give him a hug, he's dead. He's like, yo, man, when I'm in New York, let's get up, this was great, blah, blah, just on the third, and then I go back to the table,

they make fun of me for a little bit. Of course, of course. The check come and then keep going, just make it early, no money. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha I Can't wait to check my dad like whatever combo me Liz he got two of them So I'm gonna deal with the pancakes and the Two of them Oh Nothing that's beautiful. Oh my god. That's poetic

You know it's a great joke. It's a great joke. I'll tell a story on stage Man, it's a great joke and there is something really almost there is something literally beautiful about like You're surrounded by the people that have it basically become your family. Yeah, absolutely And it's like yeah, we get to laugh that your dad is you know, you're working on it But it's like these people are more important in your life Absolutely. They have helped you in so many more ways. And so that is, and for it to end with keep a whole car back. He said shit No, me of course

What's that right five hours five? I'm DC the New York. Yeah five hours. I mean I went to sleep woke up Fuck that's incredible damn we gotta get Keith on here. He'd be so serious. You gotta get. Okay, he got a huge, he's got a lot of stories. Oh, yeah. Well, that's a, we're not gonna do better than that

on the background. People got to know you in a major way. You guys see the specific insights. Monroe's gonna bring to this. So why don't we solve some fucking problems? I'll just, what do you say? Dial him up, buddy. So we get to actually talk to people? Insights Monroe is gonna bring to this so why don't we solve some fucking problems? I'll just what do you say? dial him up buddy We get to actually talk to people now. They they left the voicemails though. I just will hear them. Yeah, yeah, we'll hear them good man

Yes, will he play it right the first time? He's never done it was the first episode he did it correctly I can tell by the way his fingers are like... He's panicking! He's panicking! Moving like it's a power plan or something. It's two buttons! Oh, alright. Hit us, Hildes.

Hey, it's David L. Hey, Hilda's huge fan. Good question, really. So, let me give right down to it. I'm super insecure about how much money I've made. A year means my kids tax season. I just did my taxes, and I actually did my fiancee sex again for the second year. And it's just, I don't know how to feel when I'm doing your

taxes and I see she's making you know, what six figures and I make 40K a year. And I mean, we, we, we own a nice house and we have a dog and we're financially good. It's not a problem. I'm just, I just can't help but feel insecure. Like, like it's obvious how much more money should make, how much more money you can put towards the mortgage.

And she, she's very adamant that it's not a big deal. And I mean, she's like a boss bitch. Like, if we, like, it may be someday we have kids we talked about how the facts are like I would probably stick on one watch the kids yeah yeah being a boss bitch like I mean I do, I really do. And I don't know if I went to school to be a teacher, I love what I did, I do, and I just never really wanted to think about't have a right to be fucked. So how do I not feel so insecure about that? Maybe.

Interesting. Maybe it's all in my head, but maybe have some insight. Or maybe you got a guess on that. That's something even better at site. Thank you so much, Bobby. You're a man. I appreciate you. All right, okay. I mean, well, first of all,

this definitely isn't this guy. It's like you're a teacher, which is good. You do something good for like at first I was like, well, what does he fucking do? But like teacher who doesn't make money? That's like the one note one of the Noble things you can do and it's like first of all, let me answer this. This is in your head. You don't think she knows how much money may make. Yeah, you're a teacher. She's fucking a teacher. Yeah, dude.

Also, you call her a boss bitch. She's a boss. She knows you're a broke piece of shit. Yeah. You think you're sneaking that past this very successful woman. You don't think she clearly accepts so many other parts of you that that she might even like that you're a teacher. As somebody, speaking to somebody who like, you know, with comedy and she like that, you always got to chase it. I feel like

this last few, this last, this last year, it's been like go, go, go busy. It's like I respect people that make less money and do better things in the world than me. Like comedy is fucking bullshit. I respect, I don't want a rich, you know, I don't want to be with somebody who's like rich or, you know, it's like some kind of like wall street, woman or some kind of finance thing. You don't? It's like, no, that shit sucks, dude.

That pussy probably tastes amazing. Yeah, that's right. She knows about a lot of different pussy serums and oils probably, that's true. And I would be missing out on that, but speaking to somebody, you know, as a boss bitch myself, I don't necessarily, you don't, not all people want the same thing.

What you definitely don't wanna do here is create a problem in your head and talk yourself out of this finesse job you've done. As a broke piece of shit, teaching kids how to multiply. She's, you know, on meetings all day, making six figures. You're going to, you're going to fucking, if you let this keep fucking bouncing around your skull and making it a problem when it's not a problem, you're going to end up with a fucking roommate at 38 and no pussy rich or

otherwise. So is that what you want to do or do you want to just kind of be like, oh, I'm overreacting. I let me think about this. Is this an issue? Because really he's like so many of these problems are solved with like communicate this like talk. She's well, which is kind of weird because they've already had the conversation

that he would stay home. So it almost feels like you have talked about this. But they should. Because it's six figures a year. And if now he takes away his job, like if he stops working, then that puts more stress on her to actually take care of the entire household.

That little $40,000 does help towards something. Well, if he's covering the mortgage it probably helps towards like groceries or fucking the car and stuff. So he just doesn't see his value and he puts all his value into money versus being like how can I be there? How can I be a good supporter of what she's doing? So she's not stressed when she comes home. And that's probably what he's doing.

That's what you're so right. You're so right that he's putting his value in money because it's like, you don't think she could have somebody richer than you. And by the way, hotter, she could be getting dicked down so much better than you fuck right now. But that's not what she wants. She wants you.

She's attracted to whatever kind of loser magic you fucking pull. You've kind of Yeah, you're probably a nice guy. You're a teacher. You love what you do. You're probably empathetic. You're probably a you know, you support her in ways that are very important to her. You bring other stuff to the table and at the end of the day, if it's really truly bothering you and you feeling inadequate about it, Because at the other day, it's like, it's how it affects the relationship.

You should talk to her about it and say this is how I'm feeling. Like, is this something that's important to you? Should I make more, you know, should I approach making more money? But again, that doesn't feel like what this is. It feels like she's probably the kind of person that's going to continue succeeding in her career. And you've already discussed that, you know, when she's making more money,

and if you have kids, you'd stay home. You probably, the fact that's even on the table tells me that you're probably somebody who listens would be a good stay at home parent. So it's like nothing, this is completely in your head. And I would think about why does this matter to you so much. Because if he really wants to make more money, then stop being a teacher.

Like, you do something, take your teaching abilities and fucking try to create something. Yeah. Right? Because he's not going to make more money if he keeps going down the same path of teaching. It's not like he's going to get to a point and be like, hey, you know all those years of your life you gave to us?

Yeah. Now we're going to give you another 40,000. If money is important, he has to create another stream of revenue. But that's what I'm saying. So it's not important. He just wants to complain about it. That's what it's like, why do you feel this way? What is it about you that's like,

you know, the fact that she's making more, is it like a more money thing? You feel inadequate, you feel emasculated? That I would just say that's a dumb way to think about it. And that's like, you've been kind of brainwashed, like, and we've all, you can't help it being brainwashed by like capitalist shit where it's like, your value is the amount of money you create,

you know, always thinking about money more so than everything else. When in reality, seems like you got a fucking nice set up here, bro. Hey, man. You're with a woman who's providing. You guys have a nice relationship. She doesn't care that you make more money. And it shouldn't matter.

Everybody should, in theory, she's doing what she loves. You're doing what you love. And you figured out a way to your two people who align and you both can do that and your lives are better off for it. And don't think about how you'd be fucked without it because yeah, we'd all be fucked. That's the true of everything. There could be a whole host of reasons that would completely fuck your life up if you

weren't in the situation you were in. So maybe that's a little bit of what he's worried about. And if I didn't have her, I'd be fucked. Maybe you feel like a charity case. Maybe you feel inadequate in some ways. But if this is, he said her fiance, right, eldest? Or did he say his girlfriend? Thank you, say girlfriend.

Just grow up, motherfucker. Let's see, let's see. Oh, fiance. Fiancé. Fiancé, you guys you get fucking married? Come on, bro. Thank you say girlfriend scroll up mother. Let's see let's see Fiancé you guys you can't fucking married come on bro. Yeah, you're doing her taxes, too And figure out what these insecurities are about That's what you need to do you need to figure out why do I feel this way? Cause what you're feeling is dog shit and stupid. You've hit a lottery, stop looking for reasons to fuck this up.

Now what is that? Is it some kind of, is it a little slight massage and that like deep down inside the, you think the man should be the thing? Is it, do you just feel inadequate? Do you just feel like a failure for only making 40K a year,

even though you're a teacher? Do you feel like like a failure for only making 40K? You're even though you're a teacher. Do you feel like a charity case? Because without her, you'd be fucked. Or is it some other crazy shit where it's like, you have commitment issues and you're looking for any bullshit reason to ruin a potential marriage and get out of it? I don't know. We couldn't tell you, but that's something

you should think about for yourself. But in the meantime, you're in a nice position. Don't talk yourself out of you know Your swag has to be off the charts to like be comfortable with getting boss up by your bitch Make more money than you and stuff, but I tell this guy like I have a friend who's kind of like this like you know His wife has just killed it in her career throughout their whole like, you know, his wife has just killed it in her career throughout their whole relationship or whatever. And I'm sure he like thinks about it and shit too. But it's like, you know, it really is like, it really does feel like a common understanding. And you just have to like be blindly self-confident. So this guy

it's like, you know, he doesn't have, he's not blindly self-confident. I know. But he's got it. He's got it. He's got a pick who he wants to be though. He's a fucking sensitive soul. He's probably an English teacher, probably in a fucking bad neighborhood. You're a good guy, man. Yeah, you're... Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

Just tell yourself, getting bullied by black teenagers every day. He's got a thumbs up. Like, my dick is really this good like I deserve it. Yeah, that's true. Some daily dick affirmations. Look at your little pink penis and say we deserve this. I deserve whole foods groceries that my wife gets me. I wouldn't be at all these without her. But I'm just yeah, yeah exactly. Fucking do something man. Get her. Make a nice little spaghetti squash. Play your part. He just has to work. He got to work on himself.

You do, man. You really have to work on yourself as team. Here's with another one. Eldis. Hey, it's a really quick question for you, man. Love the show. I'm not a fat rascal, but I love you, but I wanted to ask you a question. So I work at a company based in the Netherlands, so I fly out once every quarter to get to HQ, meet some colleagues, etc. And they're And their hot man so many of these chicks are hot. They're dush to their hot blonde chicks with blue eyes, and off the pits, and all that.

So what I wanted to ask you is, do you think inter-office romance is generally a bad idea? Yeah, I know. But since I'm an ocean away from these people, does that make it less awkward? Does that make it more accessible? What can I do here?

I want to get some dust pussy. Thanks, Doc. You got to fuck someone in your office. You're in fucking Netherlands. Fuck a bitch at the board. I don't get that either. This is crazy. That's also a confidence thing.

That's a cliche. He's like, oh, I got to build a relationship and a rapport with the chicks, because he's not confident enough that this go up to a confidence thing. That's just me. He's like, oh, I got to build a relationship and a rapport with you, Chicks, because he's not confident enough that this go up to a hot chick and start a conversation. But no, don't fuck nobody at the job. Yeah, I mean, do you, this is a company that flies you out to the Netherlands and a recorder?

You're gonna fucking up with your dick? Yeah, first of all, you're not gonna fuck it. Second of all, you clearly don't have the confidence to just go fuck. You're there, you're in the country. If you were a guy that gets pussy, you would just get pussy from a different non-employee at the Netherlands.

So what you're gonna do is make a bunch of weird promises probably, pretend you like them. And then you're kind of, now what, weird promises probably, pretend you like them, you know? And then you're kind of, now what, you're like dating somebody long distance? I mean, look, here's another thing. If you want to, if you like the Netherlands, you want to fucking move there,

you want a blue-eyed, big-titted wife, you know, that's fine. Maybe that's what you're trying to go for. Now, is it fucking somebody in your office generally a bad idea? I would say generally yes, it is a bad idea. Unless you're, but it's also a high risk, high reward proposition, where if it goes right,

it could be pretty cool. It's now, it's not going to go right for you. I'm not going to go right. I've never had an office like a legit office job, never had any of this. Yeah, I guess I haven't had an office job in quite a while. I'm trying to think if I ever fucked a coworker

in an office job. No, but I've had friends who have, I mean, look, I think you can probably get away with it, especially since you're traveling and it's like, oh, the crazy thing. But it's just like, why introduce this level of chaos to your good job? Is you're truly a fucking idiot

to for just a little bit of pussy pie to ruin your whole career, potentially. You don't got no tack, because what he should do is befriend one of the these hot grows that he's attracted to, that's the office, be cool. Go while. Now we're talking. And use her's attracted to. Yes. Yes. Yes. Go wild. Now we're talking.

And use her to talk to other chicks. Yes, absolutely. Because if they see you already talking to a chick and you're not fawning over her and they're like, oh, this chick fucking, oh, this dude is going away. That's a great. She can play nothing's better than having a woman wingman. You know what, that's a great point. You should befriend them not because they're not as a person and as an equal, but as a

potential way to get other pussy. Yeah. Because it's because it's because it's not. I know I said that as if I was mocking Monroe. I actually agree. It is a tried and true method. And here's the other thing, maybe you'll just fucking be friends with them

and you've made a friend and you can get pussy through them. And here's the other thing, it also does open up a backdoor scumbag option where now you have done the cowards way of getting pussy in the Netherlands. You've made a friendship, you're trying climb your way out of the friend zone and you're like,

Why do you have to say it's the cowards way? It's the cowards way. No, to get a cheek. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it opens up the back door of fucking his coworker. Oh, okay, okay, okay. So you pretend, not pretend. I don't think he should fuck the coworker at all.

I believe me, I don't either, but I'm just listing it as a minor pro on the pro and cons list. This guy has no, this guy has, he, if he is offered, pussy from one of these ladies, he will take it no matter the consequences, right? I'm automatically willing. So what I'm saying is, and I know you, I know, even though we tell you it's a bad idea,

he's gonna do it. You would fuck them if they would let you. So Monroe's playing, which is very smart, very good, does open up a back door that maybe you do sort of end up bonding with one of your coworkers through this night out at the bar, and then maybe you do end up fucking them. God's doing it all the time. You remember growing up my bad? Remember growing up, women usually would just fucking fuck dudes or hook up with dudes that they already kind of knew through a friend Sure, because they vetted you of course, but they go I'm not gonna touch a dick But you cool enough to where if you had a cute friend I will just use you to get

Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, he can't play that same game. I think that's a very nice game And I think that's also like a woman He can't play that same game. I think that's a very nice game. And I think that's also like a woman. Steve Harvey, think like a woman. It's the follow up. Yeah. Yeah.

All right, so let us know if you fuck one of your co-workers or if you get any pussy in the Netherlands at all, my friend. He don't know how to use Tinder or whatever. That's true. Maybe you might be ugly. Yeah, might be ugly. Which in a hot country can be a problem. Yeah.

I'm not getting pussy in the Netherlands if they don't know who I am. They're not fucking a 5-7-fack guy over there. Actually, you know what? I might be such a novelty that maybe I can get pussy that way. But like if you're just like some fucking short, non-attractive guy and fucking the Netherlands dude, all the girls are like sick, they're models.

Like he might just be an average looking guy, so he thinks with his personality through work, I can get some of this kind of pussy. Which again, I remember that. That was my move before I was popping for sure. And Baltimore, I definitely did some long term attempts at getting pussy. He should do it.

I mean, it's probably a big company. You're probably, you're probably very selfish. He's probably a big company. He should fucker. It's probably a big company. It's how you if it goes bad and it'll blow over. Once every three months, he's good. Nah. All right. He's a and he'll blow over. Once every three months, he's good. Nah.

All right. If he's a terrible, if he's a terrible lay, then he has to worry about that spreading. Even if he never says anything, he's gonna approach the energy of like, why isn't she? But you know what? What's going on?

Did she tell other people? To him, he's not worried about the aftermath. He's worried about experiencing that terrible sex. You know what I'm saying? To him, it'd be great. Yeah, it'll be bad for her. But it'll be one of the best, it'll be some of the best seven minutes of his life.

He's like, I talked to this one for like an hour today already. We're at this happy hour. I love the idea, by the way, that he thinks he could fuck his coworkers. He probably can't, even if he tried his absolute heart. Not at all. Yeah. They weren't even thinking of a like that.

They were like, oh, we got to do from the fucking... Oh, it's Fat Mark from Cincinnati. Oh, look, it's a little Fat Mark from Cincinnati. Do you want some hot dogs, Fat Mark? You're not getting but hey hopefully you do a good luck hit us with another one out this hey name's Billy first time

color a long time with no one's that here's the situation so got a best friend he had a kid and then sort of helping raise the kid for the last you know few years and sort of fell in love with his wife

what? that we kind of pulled around a little bit no no no no what the fuck is this walking dead? no this is fucked up hold on i help raise this kid i love what a wife he fucked his best friend's wife he just come back all right finish this. That's for You know you're right like the top three

Organes of our life. Okay. Yeah, but Now it's over. I doubt that the top three orgasms The question is how do I recover this while not seeming desperate? Like, picking up on a, picking up after a breakup, like where I had a talk about Duno, you know, a few things with her and all that stuff and like living life with her and all that shit and he attracts me one man's trash and another man's trash and he just

play 30s on shit, so uh, you know What's the word? He's basically saying they fucked around for a while. She cut it off. But this is his best friend's wife. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not an ex-wife. Yeah. His current friend's wife. Yes, presumably. Mm-hmm. Yeah, with his wife. What the f- Candlest. Mm-hmm. And his question, how do I recover this? He raised it and he said he helped out with the kid.

Like, it's one that made, now the only thing I can hope is that he's a bad storyteller. And his friend had a kid, they were separated, he's helped raise the kid, he's a constant presence in this kid's life. And he's through kind of helping his boy out, he interacted with the guy's ex, you know, his baby mom and he just like fucks right? Yeah. Right. Which would be a

cautious behavior in and of itself. Terrible. Which if they were even divorced or whatever would be an insane best friend. Yeah. Your best friend's ex-wife would be one of the worst things you could do, topped only by fucking his current wife after he had a kid. Oh, so damn, right after the stitches from having a kid, this man's getting pussy. No. This has to be fair. Yeah, I feel like it's face. You ever watch Walking Dead?

This was the relationship between Rick and his friend. Yeah. Yeah. The last one like this is, yeah, this is a walking dead story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is his real life. Okay, in the off-chance of this is real, you're a fucking piece of shit.

It's come back. You're a borderline, irritable cock sucker. No. I mean, dude, what the fuck? You're a borderline irritable cocksucker What the fuck was he up in his wife raise the kid or his boy raise the kid? I'm really hoping he's a bad storyteller like So I got a best friend he had a we haven't talked about the friend ever since is that friend dead or something like you're talking This has to be a lie. Yeah, There's too much that doesn't add up, and I'm hoping it's a lie,

cause this is fucking crazy if it's not. This has to be fake. Yeah, I don't know, I just settle for he's a piece of shit. I don't know what else to say. There's no advice. Thought about a future thing with her. This has to be fake.

If it's not fake, call back with more details cause right now it feels fake. But why was I one of these people who can't get no ass? It's gonna be like somebody. You can't get his own ass? All these women out here. It's gonna solve these roles.

You won't get it. All these women. And he got a gold fit to another man's woman. This sounds like rap crazy. You know, rappers be fucking each other's wife. But that, you know, I do think something like that happens when it is people that don't fuck it all, because they mistake like being nice

and like an intimacy that forms with a close friendship, they mistake that with like love, you know, and it's like, no, that's just like what a good, close, like community of people feels like. But when you haven't had that at all, and you don't fuck, and you wanna fuck, and she's hot. And then you're like, I think I actually love her

and she's a little, and you know, sometimes you're not. You don't know if she's hot. He didn't say it would. For him, she is. For him, she is. He doesn't sound like he, you know, fucks either, but that's crazy, man. This one was awesome.

Can we get one that's definitely real eldest to, how we doing on time, buddy, by the way? No, I'm good, man. This one was awesome. Can we get one that's definitely real eldest? How we doing on time, buddy, by the way? No, I'm good, man. I got a confession. I thought you said your name was Elvis earlier. No, I'm not. I'm not. I said Elvis, nice to meet you.

I'm like, Elvis, OK. That's OK. Happens all the time. Everyone thinks it's Elvis. But no. Speaking of, let's get back to basics here. Let's do it. Hello, Chopo Bond.

We'll see you.bahn. What is this? Anyway, Albanian. Oh, Albanian. My wife, she's from Albania about two years ago. Okay. And we're finally flying her parents to the United States. This is my first time making them a person. They don't speak much English. so communication is going to be tough. So they're coming to St. Louis, Missouri. I'm just wondering, man, how am I going to entertain these guys? What would you guys want to see in your opinion? I think the help of the podcast.

I think I have an idea. Could you pin to minorities against each other in a wrestling match? Could you throw firecrackers at a Jewish codler until he's bloody and begging for mercy? These are the kinds of things that the Albanian mind finds enriching. I would say that thing. They say Louis, so much more.

There's a lot of all of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. OK, all right. OK. Yeah, it's a lot of all of that Okay, all right Okay, so you've got your in-laws come from Albania after you've deloused them after you After you've run them nude through an industrial car wash and let them in your home There's a couple different things you can do to entertain them home. There's a couple different things you can do to entertain them. I don't fuck. Elders, this is your area of expertise. How do you entertain Albanians?

How do you... Well, let's before we open the floor up to the Albanian Coalition, have you dealt with the culture? Have you met with your... Here's the thing. I only have a father-in-law because my wife's mom passed when she was a kid, but Her dad's cooler shit We take them by the eat Yeah Immigrants that have been in America for a while or are you cuz you know they get it It's cool. Yeah, straight off the plane. He just wanted to make sure I wasn't a bum. That was pretty much it.

Once he seen like what I like showed him the ring that I was getting his daughter, like he I see our relationship like completely changed. But he was always nice, but then I became but he thinks of me when he goes grocery shopping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, oh yeah, I got this from Monroe. So hey man, if I can buy, like I don't know. Yeah, yeah, I have to I yeah, I got this from Monroe. So hey, man, if I can buy they I don't know yeah, yeah, I have I didn't have to go through that

I'm good. Yeah, yeah Yeah, what would you say all this is somebody how would you how would you when your relatives come over? What do you do? Honestly, I wouldn't overthink it. I mean I'm I can just hear it in his voice I'm assuming this guy has no swag in the kitchen So don't go crazy trying to cook some crazy thing. I mean this isn't a joke Maybe find a nice Greek restaurant and take them out there Something that's kind of familiar food sure Or even if you could find like an Albanian one or something

But if you want to let you know what I go to an Albanian restaurant if they are from them like I don't want to you know I've had I've had fucking villagers. Yeah, they don't know any better. I've had it depends what the parents are like But I feel like a lot of Albanian adults I've known have been like not really adventurous eaters Yeah, you don't want to go sushi or something No, no, no, but you know what you couldn't do that I think all kind of bulk and whatever and it might even feel like kind of special or fancy is like a steakhouse and I steakhouse. Because everybody, yeah. It's like Greek people like that shit.

And it's kind of fancy. It might hurt your pockets a little bit, but whatever. Yeah, you fucking this daughter. Yeah. This is, treat them to a steak. Yeah, take them to a steakhouse, do a little meal, go.

Honestly, just like the most basic ass steak, you can take a meal. You can go downtown and walk like the tacky ass. What I would do is take them to your bathroom and turn the faucet and let them watch the water run. And first they'll be scared, but once they get over that, they'll be like, what is this? What the fuck did you get water inside?

Especially the automated ones. Yeah. How was the water on after 10 p.m.? Yeah. Who did you bribe? What, which one of the Kossak overlords did you, but did you fucking bribe to keep the water running? But yeah, dude, if I can take them out to dinner,

you know what it fucking is. It sounds like he's also a little self-conscious about being a fake Albanian. Yeah. That's what your real issue is. Because entertaining the in-laws, fancy dinner, maybe a, I mean, you're fucking St. Louis, I would say maybe a show, or yeah, take him downtown,

take him to whatever the thing is. Honestly, go downtown like a three, four hour afternoon walking around the shops and shit, a little coffee and dessert or something. That's really all you need. That's all you gotta overthink that. Shopping. But yeah, but it sounds like he's,

because he's also abating, but he's like, you know, he's clearly self-conscious about the language barrier about not being able to, you know, entertain, which I sort of get. I mean, I'm lucky, like, about the language barrier, about not being able to entertain, which I sort of get. I mean, I'm lucky, like, if I were to date somebody from Greece, her parents came, I can get by, but I have plenty of friends who it's like,

it's a little stressful to think about a fully Greek person that doesn't speak, even for me, it's a little stressful. I do speak, oh, I don't. Yeah, and I could get away with it, I could be fine, but even though it wouldn't be a little uncomfortable, but it's, you know, whatever. That's a good point to do a little Google translate research come up with some fun little phrases You want to have ready in the back pocket? Yep, that'll use it

Yeah, but what if they have follow-ups and then you just like this all like I Just like trying I mean they know he's a fucking dumbass. He doesn't know this shit. And yeah, look he's married Yeah, it's fine. You don't even have to approve know this shit. And yeah, look, he's married. Yeah. It's fine. You don't even have to approve at this point. Yeah. She's, you're in, so.

You're in there. You'll be fine, bud. Yeah, do some touristy shit. That's what you gotta do. Yeah. And if you live around black people, pretend you don't. They really won't like that. They don't like black people?

Albanians? Yeah. Nah. I got a little, I got unfortunate, Monroe. If you have to, if pick a a country and ask do they like black people You're the money's on no This is criminal I've rehabilitated This is a criminal I've rehabilitated

I was in Albania one time we're walking around the Capitol. He was me and my cousin I see like a black ass dude or something Why do you guys think black ass? I mean you just He was extra black Black guy I think he was black He was real black. He was the man black. What can I say? I turned him my cousin. I was like, damn, what's a black guy doing here?

He's like, I don't know, probably a soccer player. So I think that's like the extent of exposure to, you know, that's true. There's really no black people here. What if he was like a Dominican? No, they definitely don't got the Minigrants. Not many. They don't have different flavors of black people. They got the one. They got classic African in Europe. They don't have different.

But it was crazy being there and like hearing like this language I speak at home, like all throughout this country and seeing people that look at my parents and should just think someone of a different race. It was like, whoa, that's gonna be weird. You can see how they'd be dumbass races or something. Oh yeah. Well, it is, but it's also strange. Yeah, it's so strange to go when you grew up in America

and you grew up in a little pond version of this culture. To go to the country, you're like, God damn, this is almost like disorienting. Because even the language, like the Greek I speak, is whatever my parents remembered from when they moved here 40 years ago. And it's like, we don't have any of the cultural references. Like it's always weird to go back.

It's cool, I like it. And at some point in my life, I'd love to spend like, a year, like an extended period of time, just to really like, try and like get into it. But I can see why this guy would be nervous because when you compound in laws with foreign culture, with this, you know, visit. Move out of St. Louis.

St. Louis also does. So that's another thing. It's like, if you're on, impress him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to the, go to a major city. Let's do one more. What do you say, I'll just, yeah. There we go. Yo, Mr say, Elders? Yeah. Very good.

Yo, Mr. Hock, yo. Shit, man. I'm looking for advice. You know, I'm making decent money. I'm living in the Midwest. I kicked out of New York with you guys as rate hikes. You guys. I'm happy. I'm not happy. Kicked out 1 a.m. And I just hit on the trash.

You're not fucking my trick. I'm gonna hit. You kicked out 1 a.m. And I just hit on the trash. She's fucking white. I don't know my life. And I'm getting right back to me. Man, I'm not happy here. It's 1 a.m. And I just hit on the trash. She's fucking white. Check out her head on my life.

And I want to get back to New York. And I don't know, man. I don't know if I should be getting back or not. And, you know, any of us is appreciated. Okay. I say move back. I'm never leaving New York. I agree.

I mean, he clearly wants to be here. Yeah. I got kicked out of New York with you guys, there's rate hikes. We didn't do nothing. What do you mean rate hikes? I think he must have meant rent. He must have meant rent.

These motherfuckers have a mortgage. But also like places got cheaper in New York. Going to a pandemic, because they were just trying to get everybody in the state of the state. They're back in the price. They're back now though, I think. Yeah, they're back.

It's landlords revenge out here. They're like, they're rents are crazy. Yeah. Rent your crazy across the board. I mean, even the cities that like people move to, because I think that happened a lot. Renjash here. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash.

Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash.

Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash.

Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Renjash. Everybody moved there, a lot of people moved to Florida, South Carolina, all that kind of shit. So look man, your options are, you got two options basically. It's like, look, I get loving New York, I get, you know, I don't ever wanna leave you there, I'm with you Monroe. So either fucking buck up and move back and get a fucking roommate or whatever, I don't know, you said you're making decent money, and also we're in in the Midwest are you? Yeah.

Your option, here's your two options. Go back to New York and just fucking take it. Or maybe you just move to, the Midwest is a huge place. Where are you talking about? There are some great cities there, there are some atrocious cities there. Maybe you could be somewhere better.

No, maybe you could split the difference. Chicago. Chicago's great. Chicago's nice. Chicago's nice. I mean, if we're talking about the East Coast and you missed that kind of vibe, honestly, Philly's not a bad little junior in New York

where it's like, Philly ain't much more called it Midwest though. But I'm just saying, he's talking about how he, he's in the middle. You think Philly's the junior in New York that I haven't been to Philly in a while? Huh? If everything in Philly closes like 11 o'clock. Well, you know what I'm saying. It's like he's coast

East or see the vibe. Yeah, mid-Atlantic like I kind of almost feel that way about how it's like Baltimore to Philly to New York is just kind of like a Pokemon evolving Yeah, you know, we're inside yo somebody else. I was working with a writer. She said that. She was oh, yeah And that's funny, but she didn't say to Pokemon writer. She said that she was oh, yeah, and that's funny But she didn't say the Pokemon thing she was like yeah, you think DC is better than Philly no, no, I didn't say DC I mean Baltimore's no motherfucker Baltimore's charm and her oh The other way no, no, I love Like a better city didn, no, I love Baltimore. I'm playing Baltimore. Baltimore was like a better city than Philly. I love Baltimore.

The city's just also smaller. Like if you look up, if you even just look at it in basic population terms, Baltimore, I don't know, I don't know what we have, it's small. Philly's definitely bigger. But look, either you go back to New York and you fucking, you, you just fucking get kicked in the teeth and whatever the

name that bad. It just depends on where he wants to live. Like if you try to live and fuck a man hat and yeah, no, you'll move to Brooklyn, Brooklyn, I love Queens. I love Queens. Queens fellows here.

I love, I love it. I love it too. So in, he else that you just hit on the trashiest fucking white chick he's ever hit on. By the way, he's not fucking her. He hit on her. And he's calling into the show. So maybe if he had just gotten the nut off, he'd love living in fucking Toledo or wherever the fuck he's in.

Yeah, that's what it is. So look man, who brags about that shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. You're mad at the quality of pussy that doesn't want to fuck you in the shitty city you're in. I will say that. Definitely you will get rejected by much hotter women in New York than wherever you are.

But the numbers you get to play the numbers game here. Oh my god. You know what I mean? Girls here will fuck quick. In a way. Girls here love to fuck. It's a great city. New York rules man.

There's no way around. When I was single I used to like take the Chinatown bus sometimes like back to Baltimore. Oh yeah. And it's like, you're swiping through all of the Baltimore area on Tinder and like, in like three and a half hours. Yeah, absolutely. Then you're like waiting for that shit to refill. Yeah, yeah.

And you're like, oh, finally. You never end things. It's never end. You know what, that's another thing. Here's another great move, Eldiswood Pool. He was the first one to move. And when you come back to a shitty or city from New York, just being from New York, dumb bitches will fuck you

in a shitty city. Oh absolutely. So what you know what this guy should do? He should move to a different city every two weeks and pretend he's visiting from Brooklyn. Airbnb. He even got to move that different city. There's Airbnb in different spots.

Say you're in town for the week from fucking Bedstuy. You will get pussy at whatever horrible town you're in. That's actually your solution there, buddy. Traveling guy pretending to be from New York. That's our advice, pal. Good luck to you. Monroe, thank you so much for doing this show. Thank you for having me on.

Great, so funny. You got to come back. Anything you want to plug, anything people will be able to see. It'll come out for a while. I'll take part, I'll take a moment. All right, so just follow me on social media. My role Martin, I, I, I on Instagram. And my role Martin comedy.com is the website.

I love it. Follow them and row So funny. Thank you, man. Such good great stories and great advice Yeah, that's gonna do for us guys Call 904 800 stop if you want to have your questions answered by my get me Eldison are esteemed guests this week and Yeah, we'll be back. A lot of cool announcements coming up. The tour is going, stopby.biz for that. And we'll see you later, bye.

See you. Yeah. I have a big family and they're spread around multiple countries. So a few years ago, it was my brother's wedding and most of them decided to come. Great news, but a big problem. Where do you put eight people all with different requirements and keep them all together? We looked at some hotels, but then it was obvious, get an Airbnb. My mom and I were able to find the perfect place. It was a big house with multiple rooms and in a part of the city with woods and walking

trails all around. The Airbnb also included a huge kitchen where we all got together the day after the wedding for a big family meal. This is a cherished memory for my family and me. And whenever I drive by that location, it always makes me smile. Not long ago, my mum and I stopped by that area to walk around. And remember, one of the most special times for my family, whether you're traveling with friends or with family for a big wedding or justification,

get an Airbnb.